Will be trying my first 2-day fast and I plan to use this post as motivation. Will update with my thoughts throughout...
/u/CharChar12 [5' 9.5 |160lbs|23.5| Male]
Created: Tue Mar 14 00:34:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zalt3/will_be_trying_my_first_2day_fast_and_i_plan_to/

[Rant/Rave] Body issues and my mom
Created: Tue Mar 14 00:31:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zalcy/body_issues_and_my_mom/
Edit: Can't flair, as on mobile.

I'm just frustrated right now. I'm sixteen, and my BMI is somewhere around 17.6, I think, and my mom has started to make comments about me being the same size as my best friend, and me being skinny.
She just kind of does it in either a disparaging/worried way, or she looks at me like she's jealous that I can fit into things that she can't, and I think she's torn between resenting me and being worried about me.
She also makes comments about my eating habits, as in that I only eat specific foods most of the time, and I have a somewhat mono-diet.
What frustrates me is that I feel I can't ever do anything which is good enough for her; I always struggled with my weight over the years, which was odd, because she was so healthy and she has custody of my brother and I, and I think me being chubby was always a source of disappointment to her. She literally told me last week that the prettier I am, the happier she is – is that a normal thing to say to your teenage daughter? Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, and she has many, many redeeming qualities, but there has always been this issue, for as long as I can remember.
I don't know. I guess I'm just here to rant.

Also, I use restricting as a means to cope with bulimia (i.e. If I restrict I won't purge, because I feel I'm in control) which she knew about, and never did anything to help me with. I do want to eventually up my calories so I have energy for gym again and just general life-living, but I feel I want to be as skinny as possible first? But I also don't know if/when I can stop, and it's confusing, and hard to deal with on my own.
Thanks for reading, if you made it down here.

[Discussion] What's the most amount of weight you've lost in the shortest period of time? And how did you respond to people questioning it?
Created: Mon Mar 13 22:50:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5za7i9/whats_the_most_amount_of_weight_youve_lost_in_the/

[Rant/Rave] Day 8 of restriction. Want encouragement please ♡
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 105.8 | 20 | -12 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Mar 13 22:15:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5za29t/day_8_of_restriction_want_encouragement_please/

[Discussion] Why We Eat Too Much
/u/skin_ny [5'9.5" | 113.6 | 16.19 | -44 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 21:46:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z9xl2/why_we_eat_too_much/

[Rant/Rave] My mom made lasagna
Created: Mon Mar 13 21:31:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z9v4u/my_mom_made_lasagna/
Today was going to be a good day, my calories were going to be in the triple digits for the first time in a while, I thought I was finally out of binge mode. But then my mom made lasagna. I knew better than to eat it. I had one piece than another and another and another and another. And then I ate like 562 other things. Now I have to purge and I really didn't want to today because my throat fucking hurts and I'm so tired. I'm actually about to cry this is really stressing me out.

[Rant/Rave] Coffee shop
Created: Mon Mar 13 21:24:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z9tvs/coffee_shop/

[Rant/Rave] coworker won't stop crunching at her desk
/u/kinaadman [CW: FAT | GW: 90lbs]
Created: Mon Mar 13 21:16:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z9slx/coworker_wont_stop_crunching_at_her_desk/
i am trying not to eat.

i am going to punch her in the throat.

How do you know when you've gotten it all up
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 142.4 | 20.7 | GW2 145 | GW3 139]
Created: Mon Mar 13 20:40:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z9m52/how_do_you_know_when_youve_gotten_it_all_up/

[Discussion] Food and Friends
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 110 | UGW: 85 | -21 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 19:52:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z9d9r/food_and_friends/
I was fasting all day and had to break it at dinner because my friends insisted on me eating out with them. How to get around this? It's happened every day for the last three days and I'm getting depressed because of it.

[Rant/Rave] Halo Top binge: never again.
Created: Mon Mar 13 19:50:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z9cxz/halo_top_binge_never_again/

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Purging and fasting just to maintain
Created: Mon Mar 13 19:49:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z9cv0/rant_purging_and_fasting_just_to_maintain/
I'm stuck at home for spring break. Which means my mom is dead set on cooking my favorite dinners every night. I had 100 calories during the day today, but now it's 6:30 and I've already eaten a ton of chips and guacamole that she made me, and we haven't even started actual dinner which is chicken and dumplings soup.
I had to purge some of the guac and now adding in this soup with the amount she expects me to eat I'll just barely be under my TDEE I estimate. I feel so hungry all day and sick when I purge but I'm not even losing and fucking weight to make it worth it.

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else who can't stop thinking about food?
Created: Mon Mar 13 19:30:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z993f/anyone_else_who_cant_stop_thinking_about_food/

[Help] Safe carbs?
/u/pleasegodnofuck [5'3 | 852lbs | 155.1 | -11lbs | ?]
Created: Mon Mar 13 19:29:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z98wz/safe_carbs/
What carbs do y'all feel safe eating? I'm trying to integrate more into my diet. Any help is so much appreciated xoxo

[Rant/Rave] my teeth hurt, and it kinda makes me happy
/u/SkinnyByComparison [5'1" | CW104 |BMI 20.5|GW90|22F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 19:08:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z951z/my_teeth_hurt_and_it_kinda_makes_me_happy/
ive been sick for almost a week and have been using it as an excuse to eat whatever. now im finally getting over it, but now my teeth hurt from coughing so much, so im living off of my low calorie juices and tea.
I so rarely just cant eat, I can always find an excuse to and it leads to binging of course. now im actually hoping this cough last a few days. im terrible.

p.s. being so sick im nearly dry heaving has taught me I truly cant make myself purge.

[Help] help I'm about to go buy food to stop crying
Created: Mon Mar 13 18:40:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z8zyq/help_im_about_to_go_buy_food_to_stop_crying/

[Discussion] Extreme fluctuations in appetite from day to day
/u/vraisemblablement [5'8" | CW: 117.8 | 17.72/17.91 | -57 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 18:20:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z8vz7/extreme_fluctuations_in_appetite_from_day_to_day/
Does anyone else find that their appetite varies a lot? Some days, I fast and don't even think about food and feel like I could run a marathon and never eat again. Some days I'm so starving that even if I eat "normally" all day, I still feel insanely hungry and nothing satiates me.

I'm the type who's obsessed with analyzing everything and finding patterns so I'm desperately trying to find patterns behind my appetite, but I'm coming up empty. It doesn't seem like I'm any hungrier following a day of fasting or any less hungry following a day of binging, or vice versa. Anyone else experience this?

[Rant/Rave] arguing with the bf about bloat
/u/nodamncatnodamncradl [5'10 | 140LB | 19.58 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 18:16:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z8vd0/arguing_with_the_bf_about_bloat/
he thinks he has "gained" because his face isn't as gaunt... I do agree, but contend it TOTALLY could all just be bloat from all the salty food he has been eating after doing his usual not-quite-restricting (because of course, he doesn't have a problem...HA yes neither of us does...HA) He was poking at his ribs and trying to tell me it must be fat gain because bloat doesn't happen between ribs. Aw poor guy, seriously. I try to be consoling and spout off things I've read here that helps me when I'm feeling like I want to ignore the eating disorder voice

Anyway Let's all try to be nicer to ourselves.

I'll be deleting this later

[Rant/Rave] I thought this was going to be easy
Created: Mon Mar 13 17:45:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z8p2u/i_thought_this_was_going_to_be_easy/
About 2 months ago I fully accepted I had a problem with binging and purging and decided I needed to do something about it. First, I altogether stopped purging (unfortunately the binging remained) for two weeks and I gained 7 pounds in that short time. I thought I'd be ok with some weight gain. Nope nope nope.

Then I started purging again. Now it's worse than ever. I purge as much as I can, usually 3 times per week. That sounds relatively low, but there's one saving grace: I physically can't purge more than about 2 days in a row. After that it is impossible, or almost so.

Realizing that I'm just maintaining my weight, I contacted a therapist to try to get help. I had my first meeting this morning. One of the first ways she said to resolve this cycle was by drawing it out and showing me the first thing I need to eliminate: purging. "Fuck that," I thought as I smiled dead-eyed to her face. She told me that weight gain was most likely for obvious reasons.

And that's when I tuned the hell out. I realized that I only went to therapy because I (for lack of a better way to put it) want to be able to **still** purge as a backup, but get rid of the binges, which would lead me to a much, much lower (and probably unhealthy) weight.

So for now, my stomach grumbles and I push on, hoping that one day my brain and body can be in sync.

[Help] My husband isn't attracted to me anymore
/u/scandinaviandreams [6'0" | 131 | 17.93 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 16:22:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z87ou/my_husband_isnt_attracted_to_me_anymore/
We just had a more serious talk about us and my body. He usually doesn't comment on my body or eating habits out of respect for me, but this time I was pretty much pushing him for answers. Wanted to know what he was thinking. And I find out he doesn't find me attractive anymore, he liked my body better when I was hovering between obese/overweight.

I'm not upset with him, but I still left the conversation to quietly cry in the bedroom. Idk what to do or feel right now...

[Discussion] Is it even possible to track calories from chewing and spitting?
Created: Mon Mar 13 16:10:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z852t/is_it_even_possible_to_track_calories_from/
Obviously you still absorb/ingest calories from chewing and spitting...

[Discussion] "Safe" foods to help when you feel woozy while fasting?
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 204.6 lbs | -70.4lbs | GW: 115 | 26F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 15:48:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z80g9/safe_foods_to_help_when_you_feel_woozy_while/
I get kinda dizzy and woozy sometimes while fasting, and was wondering what your go-to safe things that help are.. I usually go for a cup of apple juice but I'm not a huge fan of the amount of sugar that has.

What are your go-tos? Not extremely filling, but help so you don't pass out.

[Help] Question.
Created: Mon Mar 13 14:44:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z7llc/question/

[Rant/Rave] Starbucks gave wrong size
Created: Mon Mar 13 14:38:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z7k4f/starbucks_gave_wrong_size/

[Help] excuses to get out of eating?
/u/burningspoke [5'0''| 89.2 lbs | 19f]
Created: Mon Mar 13 14:31:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z7ilt/excuses_to_get_out_of_eating/
i've been repeating a lot of the same excuses when people offer me food and i was hoping you guys could help me out!

-i already ate earlier when I was out/home

-i'm allergic/lactose intolerant

-my brother really likes x, i'll save some for him

-i don't really like x

-i feel kind of sick right now, i don't feel like eating

-i'm fasting for a doctor's appointment

what are some of your go-to excuses??

Low Immune System?
Created: Mon Mar 13 14:30:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z7i7h/low_immune_system/

[Rant/Rave] iCloud loaded 900 old (fat) pics onto my phone
Created: Mon Mar 13 14:25:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z7h8e/icloud_loaded_900_old_fat_pics_onto_my_phone/

[Discussion] Question about chewing and spitting?
Created: Mon Mar 13 12:53:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6vq7/question_about_chewing_and_spitting/

[Discussion] I KNEW IT.
Created: Mon Mar 13 12:50:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6uzs/i_knew_it/

So i found somebody new and I'm obsessed. Shes @slvnklvr on ig omg.
Created: Mon Mar 13 12:44:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6tms/so_i_found_somebody_new_and_im_obsessed_shes/

[Rant/Rave] My Body Hates Me Right Now
/u/crimeforcrime [5'6" | 126 | 20.4 | -44 |F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 12:19:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6nu9/my_body_hates_me_right_now/
On mobile, tag as rant/rave please. So this weekend I fasted Friday and Saturday. Sunday I woke up feeling pretty horrible, feverish and worn down. I drank a bunch of water and still didn't feel better. I planned on having dinner with my mom, but tried to eat something small to start feeling better. Instead, I mini binged. I didn't want to purge because I didn't feel that great to begin with. But I ended up purging anyway. Then repeated mini binge/purge a couple hours later. Then had dinner with my mom and purged that too. Today I feel so shitty, I used to b/p every day years ago but haven't had a day like yesterday in a long time. I had some oatmeal and an apple for breakfast because I had a physiology test today. I just want to lay in bed and sleep my life away right now. I kind of feel like I'm losing it today and I can't tell anyone that. I'm sorry this post is so pointless, I just feel like I'm falling apart and needed to say it to someone.

[Discussion] Are you guys miserable?
/u/foldedpapercranes [5'6'' | 105lbs | bmi 17| F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 12:09:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6lgg/are_you_guys_miserable/
I'm not talking about our thoughts on our bodies or depression and insecurity. I'm specifically talking about hunger and cravings and thoughts of food.

I'm pretty miserable both when restricting and now, at 12-1300 calories. I just want to be able to eat what I want! I want to eat what I want...but I also want to be thin.

I know a lot of you have done this for long enough that you don't mind it...but I think about food every second of my life, even if I'm not restricting. I just crave delicious foods. I can't accept that I will NEVER get to eat them without having to go hungry before or after.

If I can't do it forever, I wonder if it's worth being miserable over. I am 108 lbs today. I've not lost weight in 2 weeks.

I work a 12 hr shift with a girl who is so thin. I watched her eat 600 calories during this period and she was perfectly full. Me however ate the same but was thinking about eating more the entire 12 hrs.

[Discussion] Anybody else feel bad about high restricting?
/u/YoungNeil69 [5'10"| 129 | ~18 | -15 | ♂ |🇩🇰 ]
Created: Mon Mar 13 12:04:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6kji/anybody_else_feel_bad_about_high_restricting/
I eat about 1500 calories daily, but I feel like I'm overeating. Guess I'm just going crazy lol.

[Help] My binge yesterday ended at 3500.
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 12:02:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6k0b/my_binge_yesterday_ended_at_3500/
Actually 3900. Shit. And we are supposed to go out this Friday to a place I'm just going to log as 2000 cause its all bad for you and I have to eat or my boyfriend will be sad. I just don't know what to do. In order to balance out these two binges I can't eat more than 150 calories a day and I feel so sick from not eating right now. Any advice is welcome. I just want to lay down. My body hurts so bad.

[Help] Road trip
/u/enfinseul [5'6 | 112.6 | 18.25 | gw👻 | f]
Created: Mon Mar 13 11:55:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6ic5/road_trip/
...and I'm very apprehensive because I won't have my scale tonight and will be forced to eat with people. Generally, I feel safe with this person but this is the first I have really dealt with this since coming into my relapse. Any advice? :(

Apologies for no flair, on mobile

[Rant/Rave] I'm afraid of binging tonight
Created: Mon Mar 13 11:39:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6ev8/im_afraid_of_binging_tonight/
Hi everyone, I've been a long time lurker but I never had the guts to write. Hope you don't mind strangers dropping in. I have struggled with binge eating for as long as I can remember. Lately I've been so good and I've been fasting for 7 days straight (I did have a 300 cal meal on day 3 and today) and I lost 9,8 pounds so far this month. But today I can feel the binge coming, and I don't know if I can resist it this time. All I want is to shove my face in some burgers and fries. I don't know what to do.

[Rant/Rave] Today I stopped a binge before it got out of control.
/u/barrelwaisted [5'6 | CW: shhh | GW: 110 | UGW: 100]
Created: Mon Mar 13 11:02:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z66hm/today_i_stopped_a_binge_before_it_got_out_of/
I fasted for 17 hours, and I decided to break the fast with a banana, 12g of dark chocolate, and a cup of black coffee. That all together amounts to under 200 calories, and with dinner, I'd be at roughly 700 calories for the day.

Then I decided to open the fridge. Bad idea. I had a ham sandwich. I had 4 dough balls with garlic butter dip. Then I had a chocolate croissant. Then I had 5 chocolate cookies. All that amounts to 808 calories.

But you know what, guys? I'm not feeling discouraged. I reminded myself of my goal, that I have 7 days to lose at least 2 pounds. Sure, I feel shit and my stomach feels bloated as fuck, but I'm going to burn off as much as I can without making myself ill.

I'm just happy that I managed to stop myself before things escalated. I can do this. *I can do this.*

EDIT: Decided to tackle the calories; 700 jumping jacks, 80 squats, 5 min wall sit and half a mile walk - I'd say that's better than crying into a pillow like I'd usually do.

[Help] help with extreme hunger
/u/Calxb [6'1| 143 | 18.6| -83 | 18/m]
Created: Mon Mar 13 10:55:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z64un/help_with_extreme_hunger/
anyone here deal with this as well? i decided to eat maintenance today and even though im quite full right now i feel this super overwhelming desire to eat. i dont wanna give in and gain today

[Discussion] Does anyone else "fast" for 13-17 hours a day?
Created: Mon Mar 13 10:24:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z5y3j/does_anyone_else_fast_for_1317_hours_a_day/
So I can't do a 24 hour fast... yet, but I figured that I can fast during the night + some hours in the morning and afternoon. I was wondering if anyone else does this and what the results are.

Edit: on mobile can't flair

[Discussion] What are your goals for this week?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 154.8 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 08:57:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z5f8v/what_are_your_goals_for_this_week/

[Rant/Rave] Getting back on track
Created: Mon Mar 13 08:38:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z5biz/getting_back_on_track/

[Rant/Rave] Fat girl in a musical: Update
Created: Mon Mar 13 07:43:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z517s/fat_girl_in_a_musical_update/

[Rant/Rave] "Healthy" snacks
/u/chrissle_ [176cm|hw:106kg|cw:86kg|gw:53kg|F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 07:20:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4x9l/healthy_snacks/

[Rant/Rave] I'd rather die than recover.
Created: Mon Mar 13 07:08:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4vc1/id_rather_die_than_recover/
I was in hospitalized for 17 days at 121 pounds (I'm 5'7) and now I'm in a partial program, both said the goal was for me to maintain and be healthy but I recently found where my mum hid the scale and stupidly weighed myself. 130 fucking pounds.... I don't want to eat and I surely don't want to keep doing this.. I don't know what to do anymore

[Help] appetite suppressants?
Created: Mon Mar 13 06:53:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4sre/appetite_suppressants/

[Rant/Rave] what am i doing
Created: Mon Mar 13 06:27:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4oye/what_am_i_doing/

[Help] Fighting cravings!!
Created: Mon Mar 13 06:25:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4oo9/fighting_cravings/
I have never really struggled with this until recently, but my god... yesterday I binged and had at least 2600 calories (I was severely restricting successfully before that). I had shit food completely devoid of any nutritional value, and all I could feel was this overwhelming sense of dread that I was falling back into habits I had before I lost weight. Also I gained about 4 pounds over the past week.

Welllllll it turns out that it was my period speaking loudly to me.
How do I deal with cravings for shit food? Is this nornal? And I know people gain weight around that time, but does it go away?

Ugh I feel so disheartened. How could I restrict and fast for 5 days in a row and still gain weight?

Mobile can't flair.

(Also is it horrible to fast while you are on your period?)
You guys are re sincerely the best and I sincerely appreciate all of the help I get. Thank you so much- I rely so heavily on this community.

[Discussion] BBC iPlayer - The Weight Cut: Extreme Weight Loss
/u/Rikicarvu [5'8" | 115.6lbs | 17.32 | -23lbs |]
Created: Mon Mar 13 06:22:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4oad/bbc_iplayer_the_weight_cut_extreme_weight_loss/

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! March 13, 2017
Created: Mon Mar 13 06:11:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4mhv/weekly_stats_update_march_13_2017/
This is the weekly status thread for March 13, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 13, 2017
Created: Mon Mar 13 06:10:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4mh2/daily_food_diary_march_13_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 13, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Rant/Rave] I can't bear it :(
/u/l0seme [5'7" | CW 129.5 | BMI 20.28 | -15.5 | GW 110 | 21F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 05:28:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4gb0/i_cant_bear_it/
Edit: on mobile! Pls flair as "rant" I guess

So I've FINALLY got friends at uni. Only two, but we hang out and do things as a group of three. They both have other, much larger friendship groups that I'm not a part of but that's okay, they still SEEM to enjoy spending time with me.

But my problem is like... okay, this is so lame but they never post photos of/with me on social media. They do with their other friends, but not me, which makes me feel like they're embarrassed to be seen with me. Of course I can't bring this up with them because it'd seem suuuuuper needy.

The bigger problem though is that one of them, L, is perfect. She's gorgeous and skinny but also a bit toned. So the three of us went out for dinner last night (I saved up my calories specially for it) and L was talking about how she's eating vegan for Lent and fasting one day a week and it was SO TRIGGERING. Plus she's noticeably lost weight since Lent started a week(?) ago.

So I came home and had a bit of a breakdown and my boyfriend said something like "You're always like this after seeing L, why do you still spend time with her if she makes you miserable?"

And it's because she's a wonderful friend! I adore her, she seems to like me, I feel happy when I'm with her as long as I don't fixate on her body. But my boyfriend is right, whenever I come home I obsessively scour social media to see if she posted a photo with me in and I pinch my fat and wish I was her.

Is it better for my mental health to have her as a friend? Or to not have any friends at all?? Idk.

Tl;dr: super perfect friend makes me feel miserable cos I'm fat and she's embarrassed to be with me but if I stop being friends with her I'll have basically nobody.

[Rant/Rave] Constantly tired, cold and hungry
Created: Mon Mar 13 03:18:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z41x8/constantly_tired_cold_and_hungry/

[Rant/Rave] (Rant) Best Idea, or Worst Idea? Working out in front of a mirror.
/u/isolatedintrovert [155cm | CW: 44kg | GW: 41 | UGW: 38 | 19.12 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 03:05:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z40ls/rant_best_idea_or_worst_idea_working_out_in_front/
Sorry I can't flair; I'm on mobile.

To motivate myself to stick to working out daily, I decided to do my routine in front of a mirror today.

Now I find myself wanting to punch the mirror to break it and use the shards to hurt myself, because I'll never look the way I want. Even if I lose enough weight without others catching on, my body is just made all wrong and I hate it and I hate myself and I want this all to just end. I'll never be beautiful, I'm going nowhere in life, and working out/half-starving myself isn't enough punishment anymore.

Sorry if you bothered reading this. I just needed to get it out. Now to exercise until I pass out.

[Discussion] [Discussion]- Anorexia vs Orthorexia
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Mon Mar 13 00:23:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z3ji2/discussion_anorexia_vs_orthorexia/
I'm just curious how many of us have the Orthorexia subtype? I'm pretty far into my disease right now and I'm totally obsessing over my "Good" foods vs my "Bad" foods. I also have a very detailed workout routine, and a very specific caloric intake that depends on earning points based off of a crazy detailed set of rules.

I'm currently looking for a new protein powder. Any recs? Gotta be sweetner free, dairy free, soy free, low carb, and easily soluble in water.

I was just wondering if there where any other Orthorexics out there. If so tell me your current obsession whether it be excercize, fasting or food related. What type of rules do you currently follow and do you feel self-righteous or do you hide it?

[Intro] I'm back!
Created: Sun Mar 12 23:57:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z3ged/im_back/
I am officially acknowledged I'm an alcoholic. My bf has been pestering me about my drinking for weeks now. Yesterday I realized all my cash went to booze and now I'm afraid of how I'm going to buy more. Today I ended one of my friendships (w/e I didn't like her anyway) over a FB argument because I drinking and being careless with my words at noon. And I just got done cutting myself!

But hey, at least i'm taking my psych meds again and outside of alcohol I've eaten sub 500 calories. Soon I'll have the courage to weigh myself again.

Go me? Help me?

[Help] Nutrition/protein to live off of for a few days
/u/allieee212 [short | ~ | ~ | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 23:43:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z3eqr/nutritionprotein_to_live_off_of_for_a_few_days/
Hello! I'm traveling with someone pretty soon. I have... issues around eating "normal food" so I'm going to try to live off of nutrition/protein bars for those few days.

Any recommendations on which bars? I considered Quest but I don't want to have digestive issues during those days so I'm not sure—I've never eaten more than one Quest bar in a day.

I'm already pretty sure I'm going to use bars because I have a lot of issues with other foods when I don't know exactly what's going into them. >_>


Can't stop
Created: Sun Mar 12 23:24:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z3c8p/cant_stop/

[Help] Can't decide whether to maintain or lose
/u/chocclia [165 | 45 | 16.5 | -12 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 21:25:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z2uq1/cant_decide_whether_to_maintain_or_lose/
I'm so stuck in trying to work out whether I want to maintain or lose. When I look in the mirror and see myself and think I'm too skinny, but at the same time seeing fat on my thighs makes me 'fat'.

I'm not considered underweight until BMI 16.5, and that's what I have set my first gw to. I'm only 1kg (2lbs) away from it, but I can't help wanting to just maintain for a while, even though that's basically what I've been doing all 2017 (only lost 1kg since Jan, and that was in the last two weeks).

On one hand, if I lose anymore my mother & psychs are going to comment, which is gonna open up a potential shitstorm (at 49kg I was told not to lose anymore weight because I was 'underweight', but that was using adult BMI), and I'm so tired that I can barely function at school, fall asleep the moment I get home, missing a lot of days etc. But on the other, I feel like I just _have_ to get below 16.5, then 15 to even feel 'worthy'. It's not so much a body image thing any more as just a numbers thing. I _have_ to get as low as possible.

I'm thinking I might find a middle ground of eating maintenance some days, and deficits the others. Beyond 16.5 my only goal really is to be 40kg-ish before December because I'm going away and want to be able to eat as much as I can without gaining being a concern. If I was to eat 1500 a day, I'd get there, but it'd be so slow. If I was to eat 1200, I'd be there by June.

I'm just stuck and have no idea what to do and can't make a decision - one minute it's one thing and the next it's the other - and it's detrimental to my productivity. I can't do anything because I'm just so busy running numbers trying to decide whether to get to 16.5 and maintain, maintain now at 16.9, or lose very very very slowly and not give a fuck about how quickly I get to 16.5. _sigh_. I just can't think straight anymore, I think I'm nearing my wits end.

Edit: Still can't flair, I'm on mobile 99% of the time sorry!

[Rant/Rave] really just had a bad week and weekend but i am not giving up!
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|UGW:115 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 21:09:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z2sa0/really_just_had_a_bad_week_and_weekend_but_i_am/
i was feeling like i was really getting into the swing of things again. i was fasting and drinking hella water and tea/coffee and while i was sometimes hungry, a few carrots or some spinach made sure i did not go crazy with chocolate or anything. Then i lost my wallet on wednesday and it all really went to crap super fast. i was just so upset that i had lost the wallet my brother had gotten me for chistmas that i said "f it" and just binged like i have never binged before. like i wasnt even really hungry i just wanted to eat something to take my mind off it. and this has continues till now. I am sitting here feeling like i have gained at least 5 pounds since wednesday but i am optimistic still! someone turned in my wallet and i will be picking it up tomorrow. I will be fasting tomorrow and tuesday and ideally have a small salad on wednesday. I have an exam tuesday so i will not be doing anything tomorrow besides studying but i will be going to the gym after my test on tuesday. I will also try to go wednesday before work and thursday before class. I do not mean to like throw this all out here but if i write things down and plan ahead like this then i am more likely to stick with the plan. next week is spring break and while i will not be the weight i was hoping to be by then, i will have a whole week to get myself back into the routine of minimal eating and at least an hour of exercise before school resumes and i might have a chance of being happy with myself by the time the semester ends. i had a bad week but i am turning it around!

[Help] Help ending a binge cycle. What's your motivation?
Created: Sun Mar 12 21:03:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z2r9a/help_ending_a_binge_cycle_whats_your_motivation/

[Rant/Rave] Getting back on track, feel like a failure.
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 116.4|19.9(COUNTS AS BEING IN THE TEENS)| Lost: 44|GW:☠]
Created: Sun Mar 12 21:01:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z2r0a/getting_back_on_track_feel_like_a_failure/
The last month or so I've barely even tracked my calories. I feel like I'm a fraud, because of how easily I fell right back into my disgusting eating habits, and how could anyone who stuffs their face as much as I do have an eating disorder? Almost everyday for the last 2 weeks I've said "okay, I'm getting back on track tomorrow, but today isn't a good day because _____" (job interview, family dinner, my yogurt is about to go bad and if I've already eaten by 9am then what's the point of even trying?). Today my scale said 125.4, and even though I know there's water weight (TMI, I'm constipated af right now) I'm estimating myself to be somewhere around 119, 120. If I stayed on track I would be somewhere around 100 by now.

SO, went out and bought some bronkaid, going to try to EC stack for the first time tomorrow. It makes me want to cry that I'm going to have to work so much harder to hit a new low weight. I used to hit a new low weight atleast every week :(.

Anyway, could totally use a little positivity right now, I hate what I've turned into this past month. If anyone has some advice for not beating yourself up too hard when you fall down it would be much appreciated, I'm a sucker for good quotes :/

[Rant/Rave] buzzing away from tacos
/u/wildflower_0ne [5'2 | 112.5 | 21.32 | 26F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 20:28:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z2lgo/buzzing_away_from_tacos/
so some of you may have read my pathetic rambling intro post from a little while ago and know that i'm v sad over a dumb boy. so i've been tindering and bumbling to try to get over it and there's one guy that i've actually been steadily talking to, but since i've been sick for a couple weeks so we haven't met up yet. and then he texts me this today. i literally haaate people seeing me eat, but of course dating has to revolve around food for some reason. but i shut that down. and now he probably thinks i'm weird. (before this he asked me what my favorite food is and i said i don't really have one, and then he responded with the "well as long as you eat something.") bah.

just posting this cause i know some of you single folk can probably relate. UGH DATING IS HARD.


[Rant/Rave] Lost weight, but nothing FEELS different
/u/ilikecocoakrispies [5'1 | CW: 125 | GW:100 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 20:21:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z2k74/lost_weight_but_nothing_feels_different/
I was at around 142 lbs in january and now im down to about 124, but i dont feel like i've lost any weight. All my clothes seem to fit about the same and i feel like my face and body look exactly the same. I feel like i'm going crazy, i've lost nearly 20 pounds according to my scale but literally NOTHING has changed and I'm losing the little motivation i had. I just feel so lost.

[Rant/Rave] Denial and hiding
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 143.2 | 20.4 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 20:18:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z2jqw/denial_and_hiding/
I don't know if anyone noticed but I haven't been around much lately. I hit my first GW (145!), plateaued, told myself I was ok. Stopped seeing my therapist because it's through my school and they're too busy anyway. Stopped logging in MFP and happyscale because yeah, I can seamlessly transition into a healthy lifestyle. Totally.

Hahaha nope it's been two weeks of binges and crying and family size bags of pretzels at 1am because god knows where my self worth went. Two weeks of hiding from this sub because I don't want to admit how weak I continue to be. And now I'm at my parents house for break with family mealtimes and no scale and it's as if I just woke up and am fucking panicking.

Does anyone else go on these cycles of "oh, it's fine, I can be healthy" -> binging and hiding from the sub-> "OMG WHAT DID I DO"? How do you keep yourself on track/emotionally stable? How do I recover from this weird unhealthy phase?

[Rant/Rave] Just binged oops
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 108lb | UGW 98lb |F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 19:26:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z2ax3/just_binged_oops/
The week had been so good, until today I ended up feeling terrible, feeling lonely, I had made plans to go out with my family but they cancelled on me, which meant now I had nothing to do all day because I had specially made sure I had the day free, ''that's ok I can find someone else to spend time today'' nope, friends all busy, online friends all busy, everyone busy meanwhile I'm alone like a loser on a sunday. The gloomy weather did not help my mood.

Long story short, ended up binging and I feel so gross and bloated ugh, the only good thing I can see coming out of this is that I feel replsed by the snacks I binged on now so I don't think I'll be buying them ever again.

Well, one day out of 7 is...not the worst thing, but still...sigh

[Discussion] Anyone else's joints hurt when they're restricting?
/u/lonelysweetpotato [5'7 | 135 | 21.1 | -35 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 19:19:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z29sq/anyone_elses_joints_hurt_when_theyre_restricting/
After about a week or so of restricting my joints will start to hurt. The hunger isn't that bad but feeling like i have the body of a 90 year old sucks.

[Rant/Rave] Binged
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 19:08:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z27vk/binged/
Dammit. I just ate 3 bagels, 3 packs of goldfish, and 4 servings of cheezits. Fuck. That fucking carb binge. Jesus. I'm dying. And I'm drunk af. I don't plan to stop drinking but damn this sucks and throws off all my plans. A 2000 calorie binge in motion. I'm gonna return to whale status ):

Texas Roadhouse has great purging bathrooms.
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:114.2🌸 BMI:20.2🌙 -30.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Sun Mar 12 19:00:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z26f6/texas_roadhouse_has_great_purging_bathrooms/

[Rant/Rave] I pour dish soap on my food.
Created: Sun Mar 12 18:59:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z26aj/i_pour_dish_soap_on_my_food/
I've been in a several month long binge. I've never been so ashamed of myself. I'm trying so hard to get out of it, nothing works. I've gained at least 15 pounds, I look fatter than I ever have. A very overweight BMI.

I buy binge food. I eat half of it. I pour dish soap over the rest before I throw it away, so I don't eat it out of the trash like a fucking animal. I'm so ashamed. What is wrong with me?

[Discussion] What is your food background?
/u/crybabybulimic [5'4" | 🙃 | -7 | GW: 100lbs |]
Created: Sun Mar 12 18:15:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z1ybb/what_is_your_food_background/
(Discussion, sorry I'm on mobile)

Growing up, my mum was at work most of the time, and fed me fast food and other junk throughout my childhood, which fuelled my bad relationship with food.

On the other hand, I have friends who were raised with "normal" diets (plenty of fresh food/home cooked etc) who still developed EDs.

What kind of 'food background' do you guys come from?

[Rant/Rave] I fucked up
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW127 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 16:51:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z1itx/i_fucked_up/
I decided to try "intuitive eating." Just for like three days. Aaaaand... I gained weight. Fuck. Now it's back to 700 calories a day. Why the hell is this so hard for me?? I really hate myself sometimes.

[Rant/Rave] The difference of five pounds
/u/thinspirit_ [5'6 | 122 | UGW: 112]
Created: Sun Mar 12 16:37:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z1gb1/the_difference_of_five_pounds/
I'm currently sitting at 122-123 pounds (though I haven't stepped on my scale for a while because I hate seeing that number), but about a month ago, I was at ~117. I still was at a healthy BMI, but oh man, did my life feel great back then. I remember feeling confident no matter what I wore, even wanting the weather to get warmer so I could flaunt my legs and arms. I ate without shame of looking like a pig, but with the self-assurance that I looked fit and healthy.
Now? I feel disgusted when I wear skinny jeans and tight shirts. I want to eat all of my meals alone and in a corner.
I know it's just five, FIVE, pounds, but the difference it makes in my head is ridiculous. I am not the same person I was when my weight was in the teens.
117 wasn't even my GW. I can't believe I let myself back up to 122.

EDIT: Thank you all for your replies! Ugh, it's so nice to hear from people who are similar.

[Help] I have this terrible fear of losing my teeth due to ED
/u/min_imalist [5'0 | CW: 75lbs | BMI 14.3 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 16:31:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z1f4f/i_have_this_terrible_fear_of_losing_my_teeth_due/
It doesn't help that my parents both have.. well, not great teeth. I'm so so afraid that they'll just rot away.

I'm doing what I can by brushing them and using mouthwash but this 'lifestyle' is taking its toll on them, and my dentist was shocked to see how frail they are.

What do you all do to keep your teeth okay?

Have a nice day, guys. God knows we all need it.

[Rant/Rave] just having a pretty good day
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 148.2 | -48lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Sun Mar 12 16:22:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z1ddy/just_having_a_pretty_good_day/
So I reached a new low weight (for this relapse) today after a mini plateau, feeling pretty good. Especially since I ate like shit yesterday. Wear a nice outfit, boyfriend comments that he likes it (since for almost 2 years I only wore leggings because nothing at all fit). Then we were playing around and he picked me up and exclaimed that I was so much lighter! If that ain't motivation idk what is

[Rant/Rave] Reached First Goal! ... and then failed.
/u/shiver23 [5'5.5 | CW: 134 lbs l UGW: 120><105 lbs l -16 lbs | 25F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 16:22:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z1dbu/reached_first_goal_and_then_failed/
So I reached my first goal of 135 pounds a few days ago. (1/3 to my UGW of 105).

I was feeling really good about myself & I know my clothes are getting looser & my figure is coming back. However, due to my high restriction <900 I've been REALLY sleepy lately. Like, sleeping 14 - 18 hours a day on days off sleepy... *sigh*


My partner knows about my ED & is supportive. He's okay with me restricting as long as it doesn't start affecting my physical health or make my depression/anxiety unbearable. Because I've lost quite a lot of weight fast he's been complimenting my figure & praising my commitment to getting healthier.

However, because I've been so exhausted, he insisted I go eat something high in carbs/fats. I tried to resist, but I know that sleeping all day isn't exactly good, so I picked out something under my TDEE & went for fast food (I don't usually binge so I wasn't super concerned, just reluctant.)

Needless to say after a burger, fries & a small icecream from DQ + the healthy food I ate that day, my cal log for yesterday was at ~<1300.


I knew that meant I would still mantain, but the scale this morning said I was 136.8 instead of the 135.2 I had reached two days ago. I feel so gross & want to fast, but I'm trying for <600 calories today + LOTS of exercise so I can keep losing.

I have lost ~15 pounds since the beginning of January & I have 30 lbs to go. Based on my averages I should be near my goal weight by July at the latest.


Does anyone have any tips regarding ensuring energy levels are okay during restriction? I drink Coke Zero, Vitamin Zero or Mio Sport when I need a boost of caffeine or electrolytes. I get potassium because I eat fish quite a bit. My iron levels are the biggest concern I think.

Am I crazy to believe my scale when it says I gained over a pound? Do you think I should scale back my restriction so I don't hurt myself too much?

*sighs* Thank you guys for letting me vent & being so supportive.

[Help] "healthy fats" are a grand conspiracy against me
Created: Sun Mar 12 16:19:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z1cuo/healthy_fats_are_a_grand_conspiracy_against_me/

[Rant/Rave] oh shit what the fuuucckk
/u/skinny-waifu [5'2|HW 150 |CW 121|LW 113|F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 15:17:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z10qm/oh_shit_what_the_fuuucckk/
so i had a mental breakdown today beause i ate some pancakes and two veggie sausages and scrambled eggs and 4 bon bons and I stareted drinking. I'm relly drunk. I had a mentak breakdown. I think I may be suffering from phychotic depresstion. I think I ate over 200o calories. I feel so horrible. I fit into shorts that I grew out of and this made me feel like such a fat little fucker? Anyone lese in Ireland? I drunk e-mailed a bunch of services I also think my boyfriend might be trying to kill himself. iread a thing where he said "try not to kill yourself for two weeks" and I just feel so bad because I want to kill meself too? Also he said he went to the gym and he didn't. I am so rry that this is long winded i just you all are so lovely/ I gained so much weoght when I got to college and I', scared I only ate under 500cals last week i know this os unhealthy and i', 19years olfishould have my shit togther everyone else in my friends grew outofthisshit and i still want to fucking starve and die? you know? I think i drank a lot more than I though i did, can you estimate calories. I feel very safe here. I love you all/ thnak ypu.

[Rant/Rave] Was cast as the fat girl in a musical...
Created: Sun Mar 12 14:42:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z0tvj/was_cast_as_the_fat_girl_in_a_musical/

[Other] NYT Investigation shows gross inaccuracies in nutrition labelling
Created: Sun Mar 12 14:31:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z0rsd/nyt_investigation_shows_gross_inaccuracies_in/

[Goal] Just excited
Created: Sun Mar 12 14:29:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z0rfo/just_excited/
So this is just like a rant but I'm stoked and idk, just wanted to tell someone?

Threw my scale out in frustration at 122 lbs. I don't know my current weight. I'm 5'8" and roughly a size 3.

I went from 100-105 to freaking 125 over the past year due to a combination of moving to a less active job and trying to break the binge/purge cycle. I've had to do a lot of work to stop eating so much with the idea that I can just take it back out later. I know I'm physically more healthy despite the extra pounds, and it's nice to keep food down (ok it still feels really fucking weird tbh). But I also look really out of shape and my old clothes don't fit.

So I made a goal-size drawer. All the stuff, even if it's not quite my style anymore, that I want to fit correctly again. It fit right when I was at my best size, around 105.

I just put the first item in the drawer back in my regular clothes!! It fits! I'm making tangible progress!

[Rant/Rave] An extra 300 calories a day pushes my goal weight timescale back an extra 3 months...
/u/Clarl020 [5ft2 | CW: 106lbs | GW: 93(?)lbs | BMI: 19.4 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 13:53:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z0kej/an_extra_300_calories_a_day_pushes_my_goal_weight/
Chocolate Oreos were on offer in Tesco so I grabbed a pack and told myself that I would only be allowed one a day, I even put them in individual little zip-lock bags so that I wouldn't be tempted to eat them all like my fat ass normally does... and then fucking binged anyway like the piece of shit I am and ate the entire packet in one go. Fuck me.

I logged the 714 (!!!!!) calories into Loseit (new to this app and I think I like it more than mfp) and it told me that if I lived every day like this, I wouldn't reach my goal weight until mid-July... HOLY fuck... Normally when I stay under my goal it says I'll reach my goal by mid-April...

Eating these Oreos put me 332 calories above my daily goal as I just skipped lunch to accommodate them. But HOLY FUCK knowing that just 300 carries can mean a 3 months difference between when I reach my goal has motivated me like fuck. It didn't click in my brain until now that binging on "just a few!!!" snacks could mean THAT MUCH difference. No more binging for me. I'm just not going to buy snacks. If they aren't in my cupboard, I can't fucking eat them!

I am an idiot for not realising this sooner. I mean, I knew binging was fucking stupid of me but I have the self control of a fucking walrus. Seeing that timescale made me feel physically sick. I can do this. I don't need oreos, jaffa cakes, pringles, all my other normal binge foods. I have a meal plan mapped out that puts me under 800 cal each day (I've been following this for a few months now just binges kept fucking it up lol), plus I run 20k a week (trying for 25k this week!), I can fucking do this. I can reach 100lbs by April. I know I fucking can. All it will take is some self con-fucking-trol but I can do it now!

[Help] My ED has really just warped my sense of reality, and it's crippling me
Created: Sun Mar 12 13:41:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z0i15/my_ed_has_really_just_warped_my_sense_of_reality/

[Help] guys help pls
/u/faebun [5'6 | 125.6lb | 20.35 | -38.8 | NB]
Created: Sun Mar 12 13:01:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z0a7k/guys_help_pls/

[Thinspo] Daily thinspo.
Created: Sun Mar 12 12:49:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z07ns/daily_thinspo/

[Rant/Rave] Trying to plan clothing months in advance is hell
/u/Missy_Is_Bitter [5'3"| HW:218| CW:177.4|GW:95 | 23F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 12:31:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z042t/trying_to_plan_clothing_months_in_advance_is_hell/
I'm trying to plan a few cosplays for a convention at the end of May, and I want to tear my fucking hair out right now.

I can't fucking start making anything. I can't buy pieces. I don't know how much I'm going to weigh in 2 months. Will I get stuck in a binge cycle 3 weeks from now when finals come crashing down on me and gain a dress size? Will I be super good and wind up losing 20 more pounds like I want to? Will I wind up yo yoing between the same 5 pounds like I have for the past several weeks? (I finally bought batteries for my scale, btw. I only lost like 3lbs in the past month, but I think I went down a dress size because of how those pants suddenly go on my gigantic ass).

One of the pieces I'm really stressing out about is a corset. If I lose 20 more lbs by the convention, my waist will probably be around 28 inches. I'm a 30-31 right now without sucking it in, depending on bloat and if I've had anything to eat/drink before measuring. So if I get a corset, the reasonable normal person thing to do would be buy the 24 inch corset and be happy with a reasonable 4 inch reduction that I could continue on with for quite a bit. But what if I keep loosing and wind up closer to a 26 inch waist after the convention? That would mean I could wear a 22 inch corset and still have 4 inches of reduction with it closed. So if I buy the 24 inch now, and keep getting smaller like I want to after, I've wasted money on 2 extra inches that are now keeping me from lacing as tight as I want. And I keep trying to explain this to people and they keep encouraging me to get the bigger one because it'll be more comfortable. It's a fucking corset, and while wearing one shouldn't be terribly painful, they're not exactly supposed to be the most comfortable garment in the world. I feel like if I order the larger one I'll have wasted money. Like right now I have 2 26 inch corsets that I can close completely over my actual waist and it's really upsetting because that shit isn't cheap.

I think I'm going to order all 22s... They're going to be under my clothes anyway, so no one will see if the modesty panel doesn't cover everything... If I'm closing a 26 inch corset at the waist while at a 31 measurement I can probably at least get it cinched well enough if I get down to a 28....

Am I fucking crazy though, or does anyone else obsess about wearing things months in advance? Like I have spent two days thinking about this fucking cosplay.

[Rant/Rave] Truly a disorder, never happy.
Created: Sun Mar 12 12:10:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yzzyr/truly_a_disorder_never_happy/
The problem with an ED is it is just that, a disorder. It's disordered thinking. I continually think that I just need to lose that last 10 pounds, but once that's done I somehow still don't feel better, in most cases I feel worse, and I think the only way to make it better is lose more weight. It's a horrible cycle of disordered thinking that for some of us, truly never comes to an end point until we've starved ourselves to death or close to. I can openly admit that no matter how much weight I lose I will always find some reason to need to restrict more and lose more, it never leaves my mind. It is truly a disorder of the mind.

Emptied my new cat's litter box for the first time...
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 110 | UGW: 85 | -21 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 11:18:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yzpz6/emptied_my_new_cats_litter_box_for_the_first_time/

[Other] Drinking too much and bulimia actually go pretty well together
Created: Sun Mar 12 11:14:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yzp4p/drinking_too_much_and_bulimia_actually_go_pretty/

[Rant/Rave] Everything feels like such chore when I'm not underweight
Created: Sun Mar 12 10:48:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yzka1/everything_feels_like_such_chore_when_im_not/
I was underweight from age 15 until I got pregnant at age 33. I've been stuck at a normal BMI ever since giving birth. I'm about 8 lbs away from getting back to being my old self. But I've been stuck at this point for more than a year.

I loved being underweight. Life always felt like an adventure. I didn't worry about feeling fat. I looked great in all my clothes. Photos were no problem no matter what angle they were shot from. My reflection always looked thin no matter what mirror or window I passed. I was never afraid to catch a glimpse of any part of my body bc of course it was going to look tiny.

This is no longer the case. Life now feels like I'm waiting until I'm thin to have any fun. I'm terrified of getting dressed bc of how my hips or thighs might look or feel in my clothes. I have only 6 photos of me holding my baby bc I'm so ashamed of how I look in photos. I avoid mirrors and especially hate seeing my legs in all reflective surfaces. I have a hard time doing everyday tasks bc I'm always trying not to catch a glimpse of any part of my body since I no longer enjoy seeing any part of me bc I look so 'average' and am no longer impossibly dainty.

On the rare days when I feel like I've lost a little weight and actually feel thin, my life feels magical. I want to do things. Chores, exercise, playing with my kid. It all feels so great.

The other 98% of the time, just feeling the weight of myself makes me so unhappy that just getting out of bed feels like a chore, nevermind taking care of a 14 month old.

I don't enjoy life when I'm not underweight.

[Rant/Rave] For the first time in my life, I'm at a normal BMI.
/u/barrelwaisted [5'6 | CW: shhh | GW: 110 | UGW: 100]
Created: Sun Mar 12 09:25:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yz5kd/for_the_first_time_in_my_life_im_at_a_normal_bmi/
I've been gaining weight since around 2-3 months ago; I've gained 13 pounds. I checked my weight today, and it's at 117 pounds.
I got a sick feeling in my stomach and ran to the bathroom; the anxiety gave me diarrhea.
My SO weighs less than me, for fuck's sake. He encourages me eating, and whenever I eat my family is happy as well.
But I'm so distraught about being at a healthy BMI because I'm so used to being underweight. I saw the physical changes but I was too afraid to check my weight, and now my anxiety has flared up.
I used to restrict as a means of control, and 2-3 months ago I started binging because I needed to use something to fill an empty void, and I used food for this.
Sorry for rambling, but I needed to get this off my chest because I'm so sad but I cannot tell a soul.

[Rant/Rave] wish id never started
Created: Sun Mar 12 09:04:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yz21x/wish_id_never_started/
if you've never purged before, listen to the people who say you're better off. ive fucked up my digestion beyond repair. trying to keep a meal down gives me such pain i spend most of my time praying to god that if i could just feel better i'd never make myself throw up again. but what do i do? throw up again! i feel like such an idiot. i wish i could go back to when it all started and stop myself

[Discussion] "Pick-me-up" drinks?
/u/skinny-waifu [5'2|HW 150 |CW 121|LW 113|F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 08:10:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yytoi/pickmeup_drinks/
What are some great low calorie energy drinks or sodas to drink when you've been restricting all week and feel like you're about to pass out? I was too afraid to drink anything fizzy but I had a Blue Monster before a microbiology lab AND HOLY SHIT I've never felt so great in my life. *don't say coffee I hate coffee*

[Tip] Good post by a guy who lost 260 pounds by restricting
Created: Sun Mar 12 06:55:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yyjt5/good_post_by_a_guy_who_lost_260_pounds_by/

[Sticky] (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
Created: Sun Mar 12 06:08:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yyecg/ノヮノ゚_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
Happy Sunday March 12, 2017~

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 12, 2017
Created: Sun Mar 12 06:08:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yyec0/daily_food_diary_march_12_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 12, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Discussion] Does purging calm anyone else or is it just me?
Created: Sun Mar 12 03:18:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yxx42/does_purging_calm_anyone_else_or_is_it_just_me/
Sorry if this story is boring - Ok so my plan for today was to fast all day and then just eat dinner without bringing it back up. I got through the day fine, had dinner and then out of the blue a family which we haven't seen in YEARS decide to drop in. It was a nice surprise to see them all as I used to hang out with the kids of this family when I was younger, I'd been feeling depressed and like shit all day so it actually lifted my mood quite a bit until the mother of this family started to talk to my mom and my brother pointing out how much healthier and skinnier they look and making a big deal out of the fact that they looked soooo much skinnier since last time she saw them and then says absolutely nothing to me. I know she didn't mean to make me feel like shit I'm not angry at her or anything, it was completely unintentional and I know that so anyway I excuse myself to have a shower and had a bit of an 'ill fucking show them I can fucking lose weight too' moment and purged. It's bullshit like I have tried so fucking hard and have lost 10kg since November last year which to me is huge.

I don't know why but I always feel so calm and content after purging like I feel like it doesn't matter if everything else is going to shit because I can control this, I'm doing something good. Does anyone else get a feeling like this afterwards? Like I genuinely feel happy and it never fails to makes me feel better, I use it as a coping mechanism

Reflecting over the past 2 weeks
/u/CharChar12 [5' 9.5 |160lbs|23.5| Male]
Created: Sun Mar 12 01:51:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yxuii/reflecting_over_the_past_2_weeks/
I've been restricting hella hard and successfully! I've made some nice losses and my flair weight is outdated. I feel good about myself. I've been happier and I no longer feel depressed. I even FEEL like Im thinner even though I still have progress to make. The thin feeling has even made me want to restrict more :) that is all

[Rant/Rave] mo' money mo' binges
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 153lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -12lbs | f]
Created: Sun Mar 12 01:42:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yxtrg/mo_money_mo_binges/
literally looking at money i spend on groceries/ubereats and like lmao

how much money have i wasted on puking?

(at least 500 since the beginning on 2017 on pukefood i could have done so many better things with that food/money like fuck me)

[Thinspo] On mobile/can't flair. Who else has thinspo pics from many years ago that still have some special trigger to them? /:
Created: Sat Mar 11 23:43:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yxhnc/on_mobilecant_flair_who_else_has_thinspo_pics/

[Discussion] DAE have an ever growing pile of diet soda boxes? Lmao.
Created: Sat Mar 11 23:26:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yxfsg/dae_have_an_ever_growing_pile_of_diet_soda_boxes/

[Rant/Rave] Well that's pretty scary.
/u/Saphyxus [5'7" | 135 | F/NB]
Created: Sat Mar 11 23:23:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yxfh9/well_thats_pretty_scary/

[Goal] Almost a week into having to eat near maintainence for my prom dress.
Created: Sat Mar 11 23:04:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yxd2q/almost_a_week_into_having_to_eat_near/
Hi! Y'all may have read my last post about having to maintain my weight for about a month, because I need to fit into my prom dress (size 8) by early April next month.

This is stressful. I won't lie, I constantly feel like I'm over eating. My head hurts a lot. My weight definitely has stayed about the same, 153/154 at 5'9.. so at least I know if I eat more I won't just balloon up. But I can do it until prom! I am eating slightly below maintainence so I'm hoping I'll be near 150/149 by prom. Anyways, this has been both stressful and frankly, eye opening. I can't wait to get back to heavy restricting, but yeah. This probably isn't too interesting, but it's a new experience for me, controlled maintaining. Thanks for listening, and I'll see y'all a lot more after prom.

[Rant/Rave] The drop off point
Created: Sat Mar 11 23:02:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yxcu3/the_drop_off_point/

[Help] Am I deluding myself?
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW:190lb | CW:150.1lb | GW:90lb | 27.5/28.4 | -39.9lb]
Created: Sat Mar 11 20:19:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ywpsv/am_i_deluding_myself/
I want to maintain when I reach my goal weight, but I'm already pushing it lower and lower. Everyone says that it's recovery or you'll just keep pushing it lower. I don't want to get so small that I have to be hospitalized and ruin everything I've worked towards but I want to be a bit underweight. Will I be able to stop and maintain or is it a fantasy I'll never actually do?

[Rant/Rave] I saw the smallest girl today at work. It made me hate myself.
/u/theironyengine [F26 | CW 130 | UGW 115 ]
Created: Sat Mar 11 20:17:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ywphp/i_saw_the_smallest_girl_today_at_work_it_made_me/
I work at Superstore. A giant Walmart type store in Canada. The food is not an issue for me. I can ignore it pretty well nowadays since I don't bring any money with me


This girl. She must have been a teenager. She was so thin. So unbelievably thin and perky. I'm thin but I'm not the thin I want to be. I'm not the kind of always has been thin always will be like she is.

I kept walking around hoping to see her and I did. I watched her a lot and basically imprinted her body into my mind. I hated eating my last snack which was chocolate covered macadamia nuts from Hawaii that my MIL brought back. I haven't eaten dinner either. I hate how soft and flubby my waist is, it's just so gross to me.

I haven't really processed these feelings and I'm hoping writing here helps. Sharing helps. I already feel ready to get out of bed and vape to stimulate my appetite.

Sometimes just having this sub and being able to share these thoughts is enough to push me through.

Thanks for reading.

God, she must have been a perfect 95lbs. I see a lot of fit thin people but she stuck out like a crush. I see some anorexics too but they don't look like her. She was petite and svelte.

Be careful, your French is showing...
/u/enfinseul [5'6 | 112.6 | 18.25 | gw👻 | f]
Created: Sat Mar 11 20:06:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ywnsm/be_careful_your_french_is_showing/

[Rant/Rave] In which my fiancé is an actual saint.
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:114.2🌸 BMI:20.2🌙 -30.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Sat Mar 11 20:02:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ywn1x/in_which_my_fiancé_is_an_actual_saint/
So it's one of those days where we're having a "family dinner" where we all sit awkwardly around the table and no one can avoid the meal. Family decides it's burgers tonight. FML.

I fast most of the day, trying to prepare myself for ~600 calories of hell at dinner. My period just started so I feel awful. Fiancé lets me sleep on the couch while he makes dinner.

When the time comes, he can tell I'm anxious and that's when he tells me he made my burger special - it's turkey, not beef, on a wheat bun. It's extra-tiny. He used an egg white instead of a whole egg in mine. He left out the breadcrumbs. He counted all the calories for me and the burger clocks in at ~275cals. I cry tears of joy. He made steamed corn and green beans as a side and I just...really fucking appreciate how much effort he puts into this kinda stuff. He knows I'm feeling sad and hungry and fat and gross from my period, he knows family meals and "fast" foods like burgers make me anxious. And he does everything he can to make the experience a happy one.

Like it's just little things...him noticing me eyeing the scale and being like "Don't you dare step on that thing right now. You're bloated from your period. You're just gonna see the water weight and freak out. Wait a few days." Or sometimes I'll step on the scale with my eyes closed and he'll look at the number and like...let me guess without telling me? Like if my fear is that I've gained back to 130 I'll step on the scale and guess 130 and he'll tell me if it's less or more. So I can get my weight without freaking out about the exact number or decimal. He'll be like, "you're between 120 and 123." or something and I can just breathe easier instead of stepping on the scale and freaking out because I'm 121 when I was 120.5 the day before. He's so helpful and caring.

I ate my little 300 cal burger dinner and I'm not bloated but not hungry and I just feel really, really satisfied and happy right now. It was healthy and delicious and I don't have to feel guilty about it.

Seriously can I hire one of you guys to punch me in the face if I ever fuck things up with him? I'm so lucky omfg.

[Other] I just want to tell someone this
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: a nice body | -35 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 19:58:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ywme4/i_just_want_to_tell_someone_this/
I'm 17. I feel trapped at home by my parents. I feel happy and normal everywhere else - hanging with friends, being at work at the nursing home, being with my lovely boyfriend - but as soon as I get back home to my nagging, bickering, unsatiable mother and my dad who I haven't spoken to for a week because I hit his car, I feel hopelessly empty and depressed again.

Just... not having my family sucks and I feel hollow and lifeless again. I've relapsed into restriction after 2 months of successfully eating well. It's the only thing that gives me feeling at home.

[Discussion] I went shopping today and realized just how disproportionate I am.
/u/star-of-morning [5'1" | no clue | went to treatment | send help]
Created: Sat Mar 11 19:05:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ywdvd/i_went_shopping_today_and_realized_just_how/
My girlfriend and I are in a good place again (yay!) so we went shopping. I have a horse riding competition next week and because I've gained hella weight after going to treatment, I needed some new show clothes. Anyways, I bought a pair of breeches that are 2 sizes bigger than I'd normally wear. Then I went to try some shirts. I first tried on a size large because, well, my thighs are bigger so duh my shirt size will be bigger, too, right? NOPE. The large looked ridiculous on me.

While I cried in the fitting room, my girlfriend went to find me other shirts to try on. She came back with a bunch of shirts in XXS. I wanted to kill her. If a size large made me look fat, then why would an XXS make me feel or look any better? Well, somehow the XXS looks way better on me and *actually* fits me well. It's just so fucking annoying how much my thighs carry most of my weight. I hate it.

Even when I was underweight prior to going to treatment I didn't have a thigh gap - just a keyhole gap. My upper body would look emaciated while my thighs looked so big. Ugh if I'm going to be fat, can I at least look proportionate and not ridiculous? Please.

Is anyone else crazily disproportionate?

[Discussion] Can We Talk About Purge Harm Reduction, Pls?
/u/TarotWoman88 [5'8''| BMI 25.5 | -123 |F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 17:35:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yvz50/can_we_talk_about_purge_harm_reduction_pls/
Let me start this off with a giant warning to people who haven't fallen into the ugly black hole that is binging and purging. If you haven't crossed this line, don't do it. Please don't do it.

Context: I'm 28 and I've been intermittently purging for 10-13 years...I've got significant scarring on both my hands. I'm going to need THOUSANDS of dollars in out-of-pocket dental work in the next year even though my insurance is very good. I'm also at an overweight BMI. Purging is not a weight loss tactic for many of us. More importantly, it's horribly, horribly dangerous.

Now that I've got that out of the way. Can we share tips for purging harm reduction, please? I'll share a few, and I'd also love to know what you know. ***Let's please avoid purging TIPS and focus on harm-reduction.***

1. Don't brush your teeth for an hour after purging. This is gross, but it mitigates the possibility that you'll further erode your tooth enamel.
2. Drink coconut water or Powerade zero when you're done. I know 20 ounces of coconut water has 100-120 calories, but it tastes like the nectar of the gods and replenishes critical electrolytes.
3. Don't try to "flush" your stomach by drinking fluids and purging repeatedly. It's super dangerous.
4. For the love of god, do NOT purge with a toothbrush or whatever else. I've heard they're horrific choking hazards.
5. Track your binges in LoseIt or MyFitnessPal as you go, which has the occasional impact of helping me stop before I get to the point where I feel like I have to purge.
6. Take supplements throughout the day. This is also something that rarely works, but sometimes I'll avoid binging (and purging) because I am horrified at the thought of how gross a supplement would taste coming back up. I need to buy capsules of fermented cod liver oil for just this reason.

What you got?

[Discussion] fourth time purging today.
Created: Sat Mar 11 17:26:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yvxia/fourth_time_purging_today/
why does it feel so good?

[Rant/Rave] Has anyone elses' goal changed?
Created: Sat Mar 11 17:15:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yvviu/has_anyone_elses_goal_changed/

[Discussion] How do you stay cheerful?
/u/pleasegodnofuck [5'3 | 852lbs | 155.1 | -11lbs | ?]
Created: Sat Mar 11 17:10:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yvunf/how_do_you_stay_cheerful/
Not eating makes me grumpy as hell.

[Rant/Rave] Overate...again
Created: Sat Mar 11 17:03:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yvtgn/overateagain/

[Discussion] I did the most ED thing this morning. What's have you done lately that made you feel like a stereotype?
Created: Sat Mar 11 16:10:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yvjyq/i_did_the_most_ed_thing_this_morning_whats_have/
This morning I made myself the most elaborate breakfast: chocolate chip pancakes, home fries, a tofu scramble, and some fresh fruit. I laid it all out on my coffee table with a big mug of coffee--it was stunning. I then proceeded to chew and spit the pancakes, home fries, and tofu scramble into a paper bag, only consuming the fruit and coffee in full. And I did it all while watching Food Network. I may be human trash, but I'm me!

What's the most ED thing you've done lately?

Edit: I am good at some things and proofreading is not one of them

[Rant/Rave] Is it anxiety? Is it the 300mg of caffeine I took kicking in? The world may never know!
/u/Missy_Is_Bitter [5'3"| HW:218| CW:177.4|GW:95 | 23F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 16:04:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yviyp/is_it_anxiety_is_it_the_300mg_of_caffeine_i_took/
Seriously, I've started upping my caffeine intake in my EC stack and I don't know if I'm just genuinely more anxious or if that feeling of anxiety is from the extra caffeine. I'm probably taking anywhere between 300-600mg a day at this point (because fuck my internal organs).
Like school and work are kind of stressful right now. And i just left my now ex fiance about a month ago but still have to deal with him because he lives with one of my best friends and we all game together (although I think I'm going to drop out of that game. I might join a different one that one of my fuckbuddies has been trying to get me to join). Money is stressful because I don't even make minimum wage anymore, and can only claim 5 hours of work a week on my paycheck because of my stipend (whoo, a whopping $500 a year).

I am also officially out of Bronkaid and if I do not get to the store by tomorrow I am going to lose my fucking shit. I literally tore apart four of my purses looking for a pill this morning and finally found ONE. I still ahve a few bags to go through, but all I have are empty fucking blister packs because I am a fucking hoarder and never throw them away for some reason.

Why the fuckity fuck am I like this?

[Rant/Rave] my mom has starting tell me not to lose any more weight
/u/fruitygrimes [5'5 | CW 123 | BMI 20.47 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 15:18:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yvad8/my_mom_has_starting_tell_me_not_to_lose_any_more/
well, shit dude.
i guess i knew in my head that this would eventually happen if i kept losing weight but like, i couldn't actually imagine it ACTUALLY actually happening, y'know? also it's happening at a higher weight than i expected.
i think i'm going to raise my calorie intake so i lose weight slower therefore making the loss less obvious, but i reallllllyyyyy don't want to. i've been really happy with how i've been doing lately :( also this comment by my mom made me justify binging on chocolate for no reason, i think i was trying to prove to her that i don't have a problem or something lmfao
so when did your guys parents start becoming concerned about your weight? what did you say and how did they react to any further weight loss?
edit: spelled "well" as "gwell" how do u even make that mistake

Hearing as someone asks me :"How would you know what people with an eating disorder think? You don't know how they think".
Created: Sat Mar 11 13:17:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yunly/hearing_as_someone_asks_me_how_would_you_know/

[Help] goddamn. fucking. cookies.
/u/wittywaif [5'6" | whale | -99 | f]
Created: Sat Mar 11 13:12:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yumrb/goddamn_fucking_cookies/
hi... it's been awhile since i've poked my nose around here, but i needed to get this off my chest somewhere. i have been in a month long binge-restrict cycle from mid february until about last week and it has been absolute HELL getting myself out. finally have this week on track only for my lovely roommate to make not ONE not TWO not THREE but FOUR packages (!!!) of pillsbury cookies for what feels like no apparent reason?! i actually had to take a [photo](http://imgur.com/a/cFUVL) of them, since she made **NINETY-SIX** (yes, i counted like a crazy lady) and i literally am just in my room, sobbing uncontrollably like someone beat with with a stick. like... fuck, i don't even know what to do. i like to think of myself as a rational, intelligent person and yet balls of cheap flour, sugar, chocolate, eggs and butter are bringing me to tears of frustration and self-hatred.

so far i've eaten two for breakfast (hot right out of the oven) and then adjusted my eating plan accordingly but i am terrified i will just go to town on them once my roommate leaves. i can't just throw them away, they're not "mine" despite her leaving the rest with me. i have midterms and final projects due this month, so this time of year historically means a lot of stress eating. my roommate is bringing the container with the red lid to church with her tomorrow so those are not speaking to me at all. i've invited some friends over this afternoon so they can eat "my" share but like: what. the. fuck? i hate feeling helpless against inanimate objects like cookies that should make people happy. the smell in my apartment should be a bath & body works candle but instead is a reminder of how much control i really don't have over myself or my food. i hate cookies. i hate food. i hate feeling so helpless. i hate having a kind roommate who likes to share. i just want to wallow in my bed and let the sheets swallow me up.

[Thinspo] Bryana Holly Thinspo Gallery
Created: Sat Mar 11 11:47:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yu62t/bryana_holly_thinspo_gallery/

[Intro] Birthday Update/Kind of an Intro
/u/princesspineapples3 [5'3" | CW 122 | 21.6 | -10.4| 23F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 11:07:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ytycf/birthday_updatekind_of_an_intro/

Hey lovelies, it's been a couple days since I last posted and all of you guys were so supportive. ❤️ A lot has happened since then and I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Bf and I have been arguing a lot, mostly for a reason I am going to explain now:
When we first started dated (I'm going to say between 1-3 months in) he would CONSTANTLY talk about girls he dated/fucked before me. I would talk about my interests, like video games, fashion, music I liked, etc and he would ALWAYS somehow mention some girl he used to fuck. "Oh this one girl I dated likes that music". "This girl I dated likes fashion too." UGH. Specifically he would always mention this girl he was so hung up on that left him, how she was a model and even showed me pictures of her in a bikini. My short, hourglass self was about to throw up. But I kept my cool.

Before I met him, I had a bad drug habit but I kicked it for him (1 year and 2 months completely clean btw as of March 2017). He said he couldn't be with me if I did drugs so I kicked it, it was hard but I did it. When I was doing drugs I was skinny because I would unintentionally go days without eating. But once I got clean for him I was eating again and gained noticeable weight. One day we were laying down and he grabbed my stomach and said "this could use some work" and it all just cane crashing down from there. The constant talking about girls from his past, talking about model fuck buddies, then insinuating I was fat AFTER ALL THAT I DID TO BE WITH HIM. I've always been self conscious of my figure, but that was the day my I felt my mental health collapse.

That was over a year ago, and we are still together. He's changed A LOT since. He knows that what he did was awful and he apologized since. He is 100x sweeter now and makes a real effort to make me feel like a princess. But that shit will always be on the back of my mind. Thinking about him fucking model type chicks is what keeps me doing what I'm doing to be thin and perfect.

We fought because I brought up the things he said to me in the past and told him that's why I need this, why I need to stop fucking stuffing food in my face. He got mad at me because he doesn't want me to do this, but I don't care. He wanted me to be skinny, now he's getting it. I struggle to restrict but I'm trying. It took me a year to only lose 10 pounds but I am trying. He told me I should go to therapy, but I don't want therapy, I want to be skinny.

Rant over. If you made it this far, congrats! Here's a rose. 🌹 Thanks for reading my rant! I've already eaten about 700 calories today and it's only 1pm, I suck.

[Discussion] Your experiences with blood donation and restrictive eating.
/u/Rikicarvu [5'8" | 115.6lbs | 17.32 | -23lbs |]
Created: Sat Mar 11 11:06:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yty62/your_experiences_with_blood_donation_and/
Hi everyone!

I'm going to give blood for the second time ever on Monday. I'm wondering if anyone has tips to make it all go as well as possible.

The last time I donated I was actually under the weight restriction but I lied that I was over it. I felt horrendous during the whole thing and blacked out by the end, theybjad to tip the chair upside down haha. This time I'm *comfortably* over the restriction :{

I know you're supposed to drink lots and lots of water, I was wondering if people would advise/allow themselves to up the calorie intake the day before, during and after?

I take iron supplements for anemia anyway so I'll definitely stay in top of them.

Thaaaanks (:

[Rant/Rave] You know that back-on-the-restricting-train fog? It's here, and I can't think straight.
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 11:02:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ytxar/you_know_that_backontherestrictingtrain_fog_its/
After a weekish of binging, I've switched to restricting. The first couple of days are always so foggy before I gain energy back. I'm too young to find a good way to do EC stacks, and there are never energy drinks in the house. AND I have a date tonight hahah. I guess we'll just see how it goes

[Thinspo] Thinspo
Created: Sat Mar 11 10:44:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ytto8/thinspo/

[Help] Does anyone else take stimulants for their ADD/ADHD?
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 10:11:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ytnod/does_anyone_else_take_stimulants_for_their_addadhd/
I love them because they help me with not binging but they also make me feel super sick and anxious. I've been binging so much lately so I figured taking them again will help but I feel pretty horrible. Any tips?

[Rant/Rave] Insecurities :(
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 134.48lbs | BMI 20.14 |- 26lbs | GW 127lbs | 24F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 10:04:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ytm8p/insecurities/
I see the number on the scale go down (we're hovering at 64/65 kg at the moment) but I feel that my biggest issues right now are how big my arms and wrists are. I want those delicate bony wrists and slender arms, and I feel that it's super unfair because my boobs are tiny. I wish I could just take all the fat from my arms and inject them into my rack.

[Help] Dry Skin Problem
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | 143.8 lbs | 26.18 | -51.2 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 09:54:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ytkjc/dry_skin_problem/
I've read before that heavily restricting caloric intake and malnutrition can cause dry and flaky skin. I've been doing some pretty heavy restricting the past few months and I do have some spots on my face now that are just constantly dry despite using moisturizer. Is there actually a connection between the two or is it just a coincidence? Either way, is there anything that really helps you with dry skin (low-calorie foods, vitamins, skin product, etc)? Thanks in advance!

[Thinspo] Daily thinspo
Created: Sat Mar 11 09:12:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ytcqq/daily_thinspo/

[Rant/Rave] Getting a tattoo
/u/borrow_our_light [5'6| 132.2lbs | 21.42 BMI | GW 125 | UGW 115 | 20F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 08:15:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yt34i/getting_a_tattoo/
So I ramble a lot during this. Sorry.

Me and my friends are kinda impulsive people, we love to just do random things when we are together. And yesterday that included working a 5 hour shift, going bowling, getting food, watching get out, and getting tattoos.

I decided that at 12am at night it was a good idea to get a rib piece done, mind you that I only have 1 other tattoo and it's on my hip. The whole time I was in a crazy amount of pain (I don't suggest getting a rib tattoo if you don't do well with pain, I rarely feel pain and I was squeezing my bros hand and till no End).

But the whole time all I could think about was how many calories was I burning, because I was all stretched out in like a semi yoga pose, I was flexing my stomach muscles so hard from the pain, and I was sweating.

Also I now have an insensitive to stay small and loose weight bc I would love to show off this tattoo. It's badass.

Sorry on mobil can't flair

[Other] Someone posted about me in here lol
Created: Sat Mar 11 07:47:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ysyq3/someone_posted_about_me_in_here_lol/
Hey hello. Don't hate me but I'm somewhat new to reddit. I've been on but never made an account. Cool.

A very lovely human made a post about my YouTube channel on here and it got a lot of love and it warmed my non-existent heart. So I don't know I think this is me saying hi and can I join this community and be everyone's friend. If not it's cool I'll leave bye

Oh and my yt channel is about my ed and my recovery not like a makeup channel or anything ok bye again

this me

[Rant/Rave] Had to eat breakfast:(
/u/fxuk [5'3 | CW: 78 lbs | GW: 75 lbs]
Created: Sat Mar 11 07:22:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ysuyh/had_to_eat_breakfast/
I normally never eat breakfast (haven't mostly my whole life) but today my mom made me a huge bowl of oatmeal with almond milk and berries and all before 9 am :( She made me sit with her so i had to eat it. I know this shouldn't feel bad, but i had already planned how my day was going to go food-wise. I was going to have a curry with rice i made yesterday, and then just bowls of fruits for snacks. So guilty now and I hope i don't gain weight.

[Discussion] I don't come on here when I'm binging
/u/teasnob22 [5'3" | CW: 95.7 | GW: 88 | 17.43 | -22 | F | Vegan AF]
Created: Sat Mar 11 07:04:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yss8g/i_dont_come_on_here_when_im_binging/
I only really use this account when I'm restricting. Otherwise everything is overwhelming and I just can't handle feeling like such a fuckin failure, and even though I know that this sub is for all EDs, i feel so invalid when I'm stuffing my face (that's on me though, you are all lovely). Anyway, apart from a siq meme that I've been hanging on to for Sunday, y'all probably won't see much of me for the foreseeable future lmao.

Is it just me that avoids this sub at all costs during a binge episode? Do you find this sub helpful to get you back on track? Do you have any magic pills that will drag me out of this food-filled pit? Let me know!!

[Rant/Rave] When you binge and lose weight!!
/u/vraisemblablement [5'8" | CW: 117.8 | 17.72/17.91 | -57 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 06:45:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yspl0/when_you_binge_and_lose_weight/
I was stuck at 125 for at least a week and going a bit crazy about it. I've sucked at restricting so no big surprise I wasn't losing, but even when I fasted for like 40 hours the scale didn't budge.

Yesterday I was feeling extremely depressed and had no will to even try. I ate all day then full-on binged last night. Huge dinner, tons of desserts, lots of alcohol. Definitely over 2500 cals for the day.

I was terrified to weigh myself this morning, certain I'd at least be up a few pounds from water weight. Scale says 124.2!!! I got on it like ten times waiting for it to change and tell me I gained, moved it to a different room just to see (sometimes I wonder if the type of flooring makes a difference lmao), still saying the same thing.

Holy shit, I am so happy. I'm the type who only gets motivated when I lose and I just get discouraged and give up if I'm not seeing progress, so I reaaaaally needed this.

Thank you, every single one of you, for being here. Couldn't do this without you guys. <3 Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! March 11, 2017
Created: Sat Mar 11 05:07:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ysdae/stupid_questions_saturday_march_11_2017/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for March 11, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 11, 2017
Created: Sat Mar 11 05:07:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ysd9w/daily_food_diary_march_11_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 11, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Discussion] More scale talk
Created: Sat Mar 11 01:21:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yrqk3/more_scale_talk/

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend and I are the same weight
Created: Sat Mar 11 01:09:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yrpem/my_boyfriend_and_i_are_the_same_weight/

I heard him tell his mom his weight over the phone. Turns out it was the exact weight I am as of weighing myself in the morning. He's a lot taller than me so it's been bothering me that he weighs less. I expressed to him that I was excited I will weigh less than him soon.

People seem to post a lot about their SOs, and I enjoy reading those posts, so I wanted to share this interesting bit of my day. Also: we watched supersize vs superskinny today and he immediately busted out some pringles and pudding. Considering the reaction I and probably a lot of you have is to not desire food when watching this show, I thought his snacking was SO funny and wanted to tell someone who'd understand :P

[Intro] Hello!
/u/thinspirit_ [5'6 | 122 | UGW: 112]
Created: Sat Mar 11 00:43:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yrmtc/hello/
I've been lurking for a looong time now, but I've finally decided to make an intro for myself and get more involved within this sub. Everyone is so nice and understanding, and I want to be a part of the kindness.

However, the reason why it's taken me so long to decide to post is because I wasn't sure if I belonged in an ED sub. Definitely in the past, I've struggled with severe restricting and uncontrollable binges, but now, I eat pretty much like a normal person. (It's been a bumpy ride to get here.) I eat normal meals, I indulge moderately (though binges still come up and overeating/undereating is hard to differentiate sometimes), I look and seem "fine."
But it's the thoughts that plague me. The relentless pestering of my own subconscious and desire to lose weight, to go back to being underweight, to feel disgusted at my current body are what leads me back again and again to this sub. Some days, I'm okay with my body. On other days, I just want to stay away from mirrors. And on some days, I might as well just curl up and roll around in my excess fat because what's the point.

It's so refreshing to be with people of the same mindset. There's something so extremely comforting to have a common goal and interest (losing weight). I'm still shy and unsure of whether I fully belong because I currently don't show common ED characteristics in regards to eating, but I'm hoping that I can still partake.

Thanks for listening!

[Rant/Rave] Why did I ever think I could be happy?
/u/mind_bodygames [5'4" | 119.8 | 20.97 | -21 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 00:22:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yrkjw/why_did_i_ever_think_i_could_be_happy/
Everything is fucked up. I wish this stupid illness had killed me when I was 15 like it was supposed to. I keep making the same mistake over and over again: I keep taking a little sliver of hope and running with it. And every damn time the shit comes shattering down around me.

So, I'm done. It's 3 am, I just got home from running around in a snow storm to burn calories. I hit my lowest weight as an adult and I'm just going to wait for nature to take its course. Cheers to rock bottom.

[Rant/Rave] I can survive spring break
Created: Fri Mar 10 23:52:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yrh7m/i_can_survive_spring_break/
(Used to post here under a different account, back again...)

I was doing so well at school, and now it's spring break where my mom loves to buy me tons of candy and junk foods and I can be alone in my room, which is so dangerous for binging. I already ate about 3/4 of a whole bag of M&Ms and was going to work my way through a Costco sized bag of trail mix, but I want to lose weight. I want to wear bikinis in the summer and not feel so self conscious. I want to wear crop tops and feel like I can pull them off.

I usually get in a mindset of "I'll start over again... Right after I finish off this food." I was totally in that mindset with the M&Ms. Right after this bag... And then repeat again and again and I never get anywhere.

But I did it. I poured soap in the M&Ms and in the trail mix so I can't eat it all. It's such a waste of food and I do kind of feel bad, but I feel good at the same time. I'm better than that.

Here's to a good spring break, and I guess I'm back again?

Eating to lose?
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | - 101.6 | 30F]
Created: Fri Mar 10 23:37:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yrfho/eating_to_lose/

[Thinspo] Everynight, just making myself miserable looking at Thinspo that I can't achieve :(
Created: Fri Mar 10 22:14:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yr4ps/everynight_just_making_myself_miserable_looking/

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] feel bad for this, but I wish my illness was physical.
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" |higher than snoop | -45 (+6 oops)| 21F]
Created: Fri Mar 10 21:24:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yqwoc/rant_feel_bad_for_this_but_i_wish_my_illness_was/
I've been dealing with pretty bad depression/anxiety that comes hand in hand with bad binge/restrict/purge cycles for weeks.

Recently I've seen two people that I haven't in the past couple of months and 40 pounds ago. I have zero social life and am retreating from all of my friends and have no energy to make new ones or keep up with current ones because of the depression. I just wish i could say something like "oh I had bad pneumonia" or bronchitis or something and I feel horrible about it but I feel like mental illnesses scare people away but physical ones like that ways get sympathy.

Can't tag? on mobile

[Goal] Finally got my scale recommended by one of you guys!
/u/CharChar12 [5' 9.5 |160lbs|23.5| Male]
Created: Fri Mar 10 19:53:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yqiyf/finally_got_my_scale_recommended_by_one_of_you/

[Rant/Rave] I ate and feel disgusting
Created: Fri Mar 10 19:27:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yqeyb/i_ate_and_feel_disgusting/

[Discussion] bichectomy, yay or nay?
/u/mrcolon96 ["dacing with the devil, i love that he pretends to care"]
Created: Fri Mar 10 18:25:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yq4sz/bichectomy_yay_or_nay/
so for the last few weeks I've been seriously considering getting a bichectomy (surgically removing the fat pads on the cheeks) because even when I was at my lowest weight, my cheeks were a bit puffy (my jaw was defined tho). This surgery is very cheap here in Mexico and from what I've heard; it's also safe.

So, my crazy plan is to lose as much weight as possible to make my jawline defined and then have surgery. what do you think?

[Discussion] DAE hate painting their nails because you can't tell whether or not your fingernails are blue under all that polish?
/u/TessTobias [5'6" | 126.4 | 20.3 | -23]
Created: Fri Mar 10 18:14:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yq2wa/dae_hate_painting_their_nails_because_you_cant/
I want to paint my fingernails red but I know the first time I eat after I do it I'll be frustrated to no end that I can't see my fingernails. I love how my fingernails turn blue while I digest and I find it really motivating (which is fucked as fuck right?).

I dunno- anybody else feel similar feels?

[Help] Did you lose your libido and if so how long before it returned after ceasing restriction?
Created: Fri Mar 10 18:01:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yq0lf/did_you_lose_your_libido_and_if_so_how_long/
I had been doing consistent high caloric restriction for close to a year and ended up losing over 30 kgs. I went from an overweight BMI to 17. I lost my libido a few months prior to reaching an underweight BMI. I have recently begun eating at around/slightly above my TDEE, and seem to have put on around 1.5 kg in the past 2 months.

I don't necessarily mind the fact that I have no sexual desire, I find it liberating and interesting in a way, but I realize it's abnormal for a young male. I didn't think much of it originally as I thought it'd easily return when I stopped restricting, but so far it hasn't.

Could my diet also play a part in my lack of sexual desire/drive? I follow a hclf vegan diet and eat *only* the following foods:
Beans, sweet potatoes, oats, broccoli, summer/winter squash, and will eat 33 grams of almonds every now and again.

Thank you.

I ate over my daily calorie intake today
Created: Fri Mar 10 17:49:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypydl/i_ate_over_my_daily_calorie_intake_today/

Created: Fri Mar 10 17:41:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypx1s/so_bloated_o/

[Discussion] DAE stare at basically everyone's legs/bodies when they walk past in the street, trying to mentally decide how you compare to them or trying to work out their stats?
/u/jizzymt [5'8"|149lbs|-20|BMI 22.6|F|GW3: 140|UGW: 120?]
Created: Fri Mar 10 17:07:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypqtr/dae_stare_at_basically_everyones_legsbodies_when/
Please tell me I'm not the only one. Also, then somehow decide that I'm at least double the size of everyone that walks past and use it as ammunition later to beat myself up about it. It's so tiring! Wish my brain would just stop for 5 minutes!!

[Rant/Rave] "You don't LOOK like a runner." [tw: shameless whining]
Created: Fri Mar 10 17:04:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypqdh/you_dont_look_like_a_runner_tw_shameless_whining/

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo..
Created: Fri Mar 10 16:55:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypoyf/daily_thinspo/

My ED has made me a terrible person.
Created: Fri Mar 10 16:33:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypkw9/my_ed_has_made_me_a_terrible_person/

[Other] MFP friend?
/u/jizzymt [5'8"|149lbs|-20|BMI 22.6|F|GW3: 140|UGW: 120?]
Created: Fri Mar 10 16:16:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypht3/mfp_friend/
If anyone wants to gain a my fitness pal friend for some support, feel free to pm me :) Can't add any any of my friends on it because i'm too scared of the judgement but it's lonely there.

[Rant/Rave] best friend's gf triggering af
/u/pleasegodnofuck [5'3 | 852lbs | 155.1 | -11lbs | ?]
Created: Fri Mar 10 16:03:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypfbf/best_friends_gf_triggering_af/
She also has an eating disorder and she's tiny as hell. Her instagram posts show her transformation as a normal, slender woman quickly becoming boney and small. My best friend talks about her eating habits and how he's trying to get her to eat more. He's long distance so he doesn't know I've been losing weight similarly. I'm actually secretly really pleased that she's in his life because it's motivating as fuuuuck.

[Discussion] What's your favourite simlple soup to make at home?
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | F | GW:115 | -17 | BMI 23.8]
Created: Fri Mar 10 16:02:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypexf/whats_your_favourite_simlple_soup_to_make_at_home/
Something that doesn't require a lot of ingredients (veggies are okay) and is low cal and low sodium. Thank you!

**Edit:** Also getting really tired of drinking water with lemon and La Croix. What do y'all drink?

[Discussion] competitive people make me competitive
/u/pungentthrowaway [5'1.5" large and in charge (of nothing)]
Created: Fri Mar 10 15:46:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypbs6/competitive_people_make_me_competitive/
So normally I am not a competitive person at all. I see so many posts here referencing that being an integral part of ED and I usually can't relate to it. I can do weight loss challenges with friends and be genuinely supportive without feeling threatened by their weight loss. Great right? Great until the moment I find out that another woman is competitive about weight. Then that shit all flies out the window and I have a compulsive need to be thinner than that woman. Most of the people I know I imagine don't think much about my weight, but there are a few people I've known in my life who I found out were for sure making comments about my weight and I feel like I have to be thinner than those women to shut them up I guess?

Idk. It feels shitty, but I take motivation wherever I can. And it's really motivating to be way thinner than the friend who let me borrow a pair of pants and then told everyone she didn't think she'd get the back because I'd bust them open. Oh well I'm petty

[Rant/Rave] "You don't have to loose anymore"... yeah okay...
/u/jizzymt [5'8"|149lbs|-20|BMI 22.6|F|GW3: 140|UGW: 120?]
Created: Fri Mar 10 13:13:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yoeqx/you_dont_have_to_loose_anymore_yeah_okay/
sorry just needed a bit of a rant. As soon as I start losing any weight all my friends start getting weird. instead of just being supportive they will be like "you must be almost done now right?" or "you look great". "make sure you don't get too low". its like, mate, i'm only just into the healthy bmi range and i should stop now...? almost like they don't like me losing any or don't like that i'm no longer the fat friend or trying to make sure I dont get to the same weights as them. kinda annoying- i just want to be left alone to do my own thing. don't know what the point of this was. just to get it off my chest.

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Hit my first goal weight!!
Created: Fri Mar 10 13:12:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yoel4/rant_hit_my_first_goal_weight/
But had to purge to get there. Seeing 190 on the scale felt amazing this morning, but I lost control last night and binged then purged.
Why is it that when I restrict I feel strong, beautiful, and in control, but when I b/p I've never felt shittier about myself. I have no self control and then have to wreck my body to meet my goals.

[Rant/Rave] The End of a Friendship (Again)
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | 143.8 lbs | 26.18 | -51.2 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Mar 10 13:11:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yoef0/the_end_of_a_friendship_again/
Sorry for the super long post and all the background info, I just really need to get this all out. Today is the last day I will have ever spent with Angela (name changed for anonymity). We had a falling out about two years ago and remained no contact for one year. She got into drugs and lying. I don't mind people doing drugs. Do what makes you happy; it's none of my business. However, I don't really like pathological liars. Last October she reached out to me and, foolishly, I said what the heck and we rekindled our friendship. During that time I got into a relationship with someone she was interested in years and years ago. It originally was not going to be more than just a casual friends-with-benefits situation but it grew into more. She recently got out of a long-term relationship. Ever since her relationship has ended she has been giving me grief about mine. She's been moaning about always being the single friend and hates that I constantly third wheel her despite almost never being single the entire time I've known her (almost 5 years now). She has been making passive-aggressive insults about my partner since her relationship has ended, and since I have been losing weight she keeps making me feel like crap by almost insinuating that I'm losing weight to spite her or something because she's 5'1 and 250+ lbs. Oh, and she has been lying about having a brain tumor.

Last night I had her, another friend, and my partner over for board games and snacks. After my partner went home she said, "no offense, but how do you deal with him? I feel like he's just not on your intelligence level." I have never had violent tendencies but I swear to gosh that is the one and only time I could have punched someone. Who the heck says that?

However, I am not confrontational, so I let the comment slide and the rest of the night ended uneventfully. I went to bed fuming but figured in the morning the anger would go away. I was almost right. Before I went to bed she asked if she could finish the girl scout cookies I had bought. I had told her that she could have some, just not to finish all of them! I had been craving them for a super long time and I wanted some for breakfast. Plus, they stopped selling them near me. When I woke up they were gone, the packages nowhere to be found. I ended up going through the trash because I'm a freak and can't stand the thought of straying from my meal plans. I had to know if she ate them all. She did. She had tried hiding the packages in a bag and stuffed them at the bottom of the bin. I was so livid this morning. Like, that tipped me over the edge. I plan out my meals a week in advance, she knows this, and she also knows how stressful it is for me not to be able to stick to my plans. The combination of lying about having cancer, all those rude comments she has been making, and specifically eating the one thing I asked her not to even though I have plenty of other fricking snacks here is too much. I don't know why her eating my cookies has made all the anger I've been bottling up come out but I am so over it. I'm over all of the lying, and I'm over all the nasty comments she makes about my partner. It's unjustifiable.

[Help] I'm recovering. And i'm bad at it.
Created: Fri Mar 10 12:45:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yo8l4/im_recovering_and_im_bad_at_it/

[Other] Looking to speak to someone about doctor reactions to disordered eating while overweight or obese
Created: Fri Mar 10 12:38:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yo751/looking_to_speak_to_someone_about_doctor/

Daily Food Diary! March 10, 2017
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | 26F]
Created: Fri Mar 10 12:26:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yo4b3/daily_food_diary_march_10_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 10, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! March 10, 2017
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | 26F]
Created: Fri Mar 10 12:25:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yo413/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_march/
This is the weekly picture thread for March 10, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host-- Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Help] Are ED's pre-existing conditions? Scared to talk to professionals...
/u/insigniania [5'7 | CW: 110 | 17.2 | F |]
Created: Fri Mar 10 12:24:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yo3xq/are_eds_preexisting_conditions_scared_to_talk_to/
I'm at a point where I want to talk to a therapist or doctor about my disordered eating, food anxiety, and BDD. I've pretty much avoided doctors my entire adult save for STI testing and the occasional UTI. I've been asked about my weight and eating habits at doctor's offices before, but I've always dismissed them with the "naturally thin" excuse.

Anyway, I'm in the US, and healthcare is a shitshow right now. I'm worried that people with preexisting conditions won't be able to get insurance soon. Does anyone know if admitting disordered eating to doctors or therapists or nutritionists goes on some permanent record and can be used as a pre existing condition? Is one safer than the other? Does anyone remember how things were before the ACA?

[Help] Help- Not able to do cardio due to injury
Created: Fri Mar 10 11:54:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ynx9g/help_not_able_to_do_cardio_due_to_injury/

[Rant/Rave] Pizza Bagel Chips
/u/get-it_together [5'3" |180| UGW 130 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 10 11:42:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ynukz/pizza_bagel_chips/

So I was at dollar tree today, and they have these things called Pizzetti by 7 Days. They're like bagel chips but they taste like freaking PIZZA. Killed my pizza/chip/salty food craving.

They're 120 calories for six pieces, so not really low cal, but freaking FANTASTIC for cravings. I put the link down here, but I can only get them at the dollar store.


[Rant/Rave] Small Victories
/u/nobutlisten [5'5 | CW: 101.0 | GW: lol | BMI: 16.8 | F 25 👽]
Created: Fri Mar 10 10:04:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yn8br/small_victories/
Last week I was so stressed about about hearing from graduate schools, then when I found out I got into my dream school I was so excited/happy and I had a rough time with food (BP'd 6 days out of the week). Another big contributing factor was that my roommate was out of town all last week, sooo that definitely has something to do with it.

This week I really wanted to turn over a new leaf, but was afraid that I wouldn't be able to stop. But actually...I've eaten amazing this week and haven't BPd once. I've skipped a couple meals, which I guess isn't ideal, but the restriction came back really easy. I'm so glad I was able to say "last week was rough, but now I'm starting over" and actually do it! Usually once I started slipping down the bingeing slope, it's so so hard to stop that cycle. This is exciting for me! Also walked on average about 25k steps per day this week which is insane, but I've been walking everywhere and running a couple times, so I feel like I'm really turning this ship back around.

Don't let the BP monster win!

[Tip] Can't wait to try this, Smells Amazing!
Created: Fri Mar 10 09:50:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yn56s/cant_wait_to_try_this_smells_amazing/

Daily Food Diary! March 10, 2017
Created: Fri Mar 10 05:51:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ylvrp/daily_food_diary_march_10_2017/

[Help] Help- mom is making fried chicken for dinner
/u/probablywithmydog [5'2 | 112lbs | 20.5(standard)| F]
Created: Fri Mar 10 05:47:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ylv2h/help_mom_is_making_fried_chicken_for_dinner/
I'm still a teenager and so I'm basically forced to eat whatever my family decides to make for dinner. And let's just say, my family isn't comprised of the healthiest people. How on earth do I get through dinner without ruining my stats for the day yet still not hint towards an eating disorder??

[Help] Considering eating nothing but soup next week - experiences? (Mainly interested in digestion experiences)
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Fri Mar 10 04:33:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yll56/considering_eating_nothing_but_soup_next_week/
Okay so, constipation for weeks since starting to restrict again, ate prunes, triggered a binge, made the good call of NOT restricting for a few days and eating at maintenance to just save myself a world of pain and risking another outright binge. I have overeaten my TDEE slightly but I REFUSE to freak out about this. If I freak out, I'll binge.. and it's only a couple hundred cals.. that can be undone easily. I'm experiencing extreme hunger at the moment too, but I am absolutely determined to not let that rule things.

Constipation seems to have cleared up mostly, thankfully, but I still feel a little clogged up and I am concerned about it coming back the moment I fast/restrict again since it's so easily happening right now. I also know that there is no way in hell I'm going to be able to fathom 'eating normally'/not restricting cals the moment I feel I can. It's gonna happen.

So I've been wondering whether to stick to liquid foods when I restrict - not shakes, shakes distend my stomach terribly, so I thought restricting whilst having JUST soup? Various tinned low-cal soups, some with veg, chickpeas, lentils, etc. I might have some raw veg on top, once per day.

Has anyone done this, and what are your experiences? Was digestion okay?

I know I'll retain a bunch of water weight, as they are canned soups with sodium (all I can afford) but I don't want to worry about that right now. I think I need the extra hydration that a soup diet can offer (I am still drinking diet coke all the time and can't get in enough water), so I'm thinking... if I really need to go back to restriction (which of course, I do), then making sure I at least stick to soups might help further with some digestive issues I'm experiencing right now? Give my stomach what it needs...

[Rant/Rave] My thinking is so screwed
Created: Fri Mar 10 02:58:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yla3i/my_thinking_is_so_screwed/

[Rant/Rave] Binging after reaching a new LW
/u/chocclia [165 | 45 | 16.5 | -12 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 10 01:41:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yl1of/binging_after_reaching_a_new_lw/
Rant/rave, on mobile though sorry!!

Three days ago I hit my new LW - 16.9 (46kg/101lb) and today I've binged on 3500+. I'm just feeling kind of shit at myself, cause I could feel the binge coming on all day since my friends got chips at lunch.

I'm a high restrictor too lmao so I'm gonna maintain/gain off this. Logically I know it's only like a 2 day setback but I'm just kind of pissed at myself.

Can't wait for tomorrow to come so I can put this behind me tbh

Is it okay...
Created: Fri Mar 10 01:21:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ykzif/is_it_okay/

[Rant/Rave] Got my tongue double pierced
Created: Fri Mar 10 00:32:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yktnp/got_my_tongue_double_pierced/
It's satisfying how painful it is to eat. As sick as it sounds. I enjoy that I am physically unable to take food down the last 3 days. I'm a loser who lives with her mom at the age of 24 (lost my job, apt, relationship, etc) She buys the cookies, candies, cakes, Debbie's, pizza and more. I love not being tortured by the stack of Oreos she buys. I know I can't have it and it will hurt and I'm so grateful for that.

[Help] Binge binge binge binge binge
Created: Thu Mar 9 22:02:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yk8yq/binge_binge_binge_binge_binge/
I am stuck in the worst binge cycle. It seems like every day for the past week I've been having moderate binges and my entire body just feels bloated and full and puffy. I know it's all mental to get myself out of it, but how to I make my body feel better ?

[Discussion] DAE feel sick after eating?
Created: Thu Mar 9 21:28:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yk3rz/dae_feel_sick_after_eating/
(Mobile, can't flair.) I do IF and usually eat once a day in the evening. I HATE when friends want to do lunch because it ruins my whole day. I feel mentally fucked and my body is uncomfortable for the rest of the day. It's likely that my body physically isn't used to the insulin spike in middle of the day but it messes with my psyche as well. It sucks, I feel like I have to choose between my sanity and social life. I'm only 5lbs away from my first goal weight yet feel so far away because 1 little distraction ruins the calorie deficit for the day... first time posting here, it feels so good to vent to people who understand.

Timberline Knolls... again...
Created: Thu Mar 9 20:29:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yjtw6/timberline_knolls_again/

[Tip] Brads veggie chips
Created: Thu Mar 9 20:21:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yjskl/brads_veggie_chips/
On mobile, can't flair.

These are a great snack food! They're raw and vegan, and have a lot of vitamins and minerals that nutrient deficient people like us need (especially iron).
They're only 150c a bag so you can go to town if you feel bingey. And they taste good enough to be good and also weird enough to not crave more (you know what I mean I think)

[Discussion] Is anyone else here a pear shape naturally? Any luck with slimming lower half? :(
Created: Thu Mar 9 19:31:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yjjse/is_anyone_else_here_a_pear_shape_naturally_any/

[Rant/Rave] I'm such a disgusting pig.
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Thu Mar 9 19:14:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yjgim/im_such_a_disgusting_pig/
God I fucking hate myself. I've been doing so badly this week since I've been home on spring break. I've done almost no exercise and have been eating a disgusting amount. I can practically feel the disgusting fat bubbling back up under my skin.
I'm so pathetic. I can't even say no to food. I don't deserve to have access to food when I abuse it so horribly and there are people starving in the world. I'm so fucking selfish and disgusting.

[Thinspo] My current Thinspo. Don't think it's possible for me to ever achieve though 😢
Created: Thu Mar 9 19:04:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yjev1/my_current_thinspo_dont_think_its_possible_for_me/

[Rant/Rave] Sudden revelation when nearing the end of the day
/u/imperfectcontrol [5'6" | CW: 115 | 18.56 | CGW: 100 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 18:16:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yj633/sudden_revelation_when_nearing_the_end_of_the_day/
I've been fasting all day and I feel close to giving up. But then I remembered that, why would I ruin all the pain I suffered today? I went through brain fog in class. I suffered the hunger pangs. And then I'm gonna fuck that all up right before I sleep? Eat 1000 calories that I could have rationed through the day? FUCK. THAT.

on mobile cant flair

I'm ready to stop binging but I could really use some support!
Created: Thu Mar 9 18:12:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yj5bi/im_ready_to_stop_binging_but_i_could_really_use/

[Goal] I gave my binge food to a homeless lady.
/u/salviaplath_13 [5'1 | CW: 106 | 20.8 | GW: ??? | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 18:05:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yj3ws/i_gave_my_binge_food_to_a_homeless_lady/
I went to the store to get my binge haul and wanted zebra cakes, except they didn't have any individual packaged ones and only the entire box. I bought the box, instant regret.. I knew I would eat alllll of them :( by chance on my way home I saw a homeless lady at a stoplight with a sign that just said "HUNGRY" and gave them to her. I just wanted them off my hands because of binge guilt, kinda wish i had them now.. my b/p session is lacking haha

[Help] I'm going to a party tomorrow, and the beach next week. Lord help me...
Created: Thu Mar 9 17:27:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yiwtn/im_going_to_a_party_tomorrow_and_the_beach_next/

The fact that I can't purge truly pisses me off
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 17:16:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yiuq2/the_fact_that_i_cant_purge_truly_pisses_me_off/

No Frills Twins ED?
/u/losemore [5'10 | 145 | 20.8 | -44 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 17:15:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yiuit/no_frills_twins_ed/

[Help] Help!! Send me your Safe Snacks?
/u/wishfulthinkings [5'4" | CW:140 | GW1:125 | GW2:107 | -34 LBS]
Created: Thu Mar 9 15:58:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yifnm/help_send_me_your_safe_snacks/
I started a new job and they have so many snacks available. I can't stop binging.


Snacks the Office has:

Nuts (Pistachios, Roasted Almonds, Cashews)


Gold Fish



Candy, Candy, and more Candy

Toast, English Muffins, Donuts (I don't have a problem saying no to donuts)


I need to come up with super low calorie snacks to munch on with all of these foods surrounding me.



Pickle - 1 spear 8 calories

Skinny Popcorn, Salt and Pepper - 1 cup 40 calories

*Carrots, Celery, Cucumbers, & Broccoli with dips, hot sauces, mustard, or flavored seasonings*

*Hummus* - 1 oz 70 calories

*Chobani Meze Dip* - 1 oz 30ish calories

*Seaweed Snacks* - 10 snack size sheets 30 calories

*Rice Cakes* - 1 cake 50 calories

*Veggie Stixs* - 10 stixs 40ish calories

*Grapes (frozen grapes take a long time to eat)* - 15 grapes 45ish calories

*Plain Greek Yogurt* - 1/2 cup 50 calories

*String cheese* - 80 calories

*Babybel light cheese* - 1 piel 48 calories

*Trader Joe's Chili Lime Seasoning Blend*


Thanks for all of your wonderful ideas. I'm adding your ideas to the list in italics so that everyone can see them together. Please let me know if I should remove the calorie counts.

[Rant/Rave] Tomorrow is a new day
/u/_saisonenenfer [175cm | not thin :( | M]
Created: Thu Mar 9 15:08:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yi5cr/tomorrow_is_a_new_day/
I'm so disgusted with myself. I can't believe how I've let myself go. Tomorrow is a new day and I can do it. You all can. I believe in you!

[Rant/Rave] Binged last night, feel terrible today
/u/TrappedInAWindow [5'3" | 121 | 21.4 | -16 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 14:50:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yi1jl/binged_last_night_feel_terrible_today/
I'm in graduate school, veterinary school to be precise. We have finals today and tomorrow, and I was studying with a friend last night. It was on track to be a good calorie day, I was only up to 390 calories by 8 PM. The stress of studying for finals plus my friend pressuring me to eat our feelings made me cave and we went to a diner, where I ate eggs, hash browns, bacon, and buttered toast with hot chocolate. I immediately felt horribly guilty and terrible afterwards, and all day today I'm have terrible stomach pain and general gastric distress. It's been so long since I've had food that heavy in carbs, starch and fat that I think it's wrecking my intestines. And I just took a final, and have another one tomorrow. Pretty sure I could roll around in broken glass and feel better about myself right now.

[Help] I don't want to eat. I just want to binge.
Created: Thu Mar 9 14:27:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yhwmt/i_dont_want_to_eat_i_just_want_to_binge/

[Discussion] Net Calories
Created: Thu Mar 9 14:05:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yhrr3/net_calories/

Is this caused by my weight loss?
Created: Thu Mar 9 13:46:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yhnk1/is_this_caused_by_my_weight_loss/

[Goal] Trying to get back to "normal" eating
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 12:54:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yhbz7/trying_to_get_back_to_normal_eating/
For a while now my goal was to eat less than 600 calories with lots of exercise. But lately I've been binging really often and it's resulted in no change of the scale! It's killing me to see that I'm exactly the same every day.

So now I'm trying to eat 1200 but I never thought it would be so hard. I keep making excuses to myself not to eat or distracting myself to run out of time before my next class, etc. So today I made myself eat breakfast for once, hoping that would help? But nope, cause I found an excuse to skip lunch. Idk, this is hard.

[Discussion] UC Berkley Physicist answers the question "What is the best way to reduce belly fat and overall weight?" with "Eat less." Really cool little article.
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:114.2🌸 BMI:20.2🌙 -30.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Thu Mar 9 12:37:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yh7j4/uc_berkley_physicist_answers_the_question_what_is/

[Rant/Rave] I hate birthdays
Created: Thu Mar 9 12:35:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yh6wk/i_hate_birthdays/

[Rant/Rave] Powerade zero is a lifesaver.
Created: Thu Mar 9 11:51:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ygx54/powerade_zero_is_a_lifesaver/
I've been restricting more than usual because of midterms, and today as soon as I stood up out of bed I almost passed out. My vision went dark and my knees got weak, but I somehow managed to squat slowly so as not to fall and slowly recovered my senses.

All day I have had this intense light headedness, like I'm about to pass out, even when i was just sitting my body felt like it was about to shutdown. I didn't have anytime in the morning to go buy a powerade zero until right now, and god I just inhaled all of it and feel so much better. It was honestly a heavenly experience, like rain after a drought.

Replace peeps with pretty much all food 🙃🙂🙃🙂
Created: Thu Mar 9 11:32:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ygsom/replace_peeps_with_pretty_much_all_food/

[Intro] New here, recently relapsed and just wanted to get this all off my chest
Created: Thu Mar 9 10:46:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yghoi/new_here_recently_relapsed_and_just_wanted_to_get/
Hi everyone,

I'm new to this community, recently relapsed and doing my best to manage. I wish I had something like this before so that I didn't feel so alone in my problems, and hope I'm welcome.

Basic backstory: Always very high anxiety type of person, extreme perfectionist and black-and-white thinking, but ED didn't come up until my junior year in college. In undergrad, I restricted during a severe bout with depression, lost 30 lbs quickly (was a "healthy BMI" but chubby weight before) and my life transformed, everyone treated me so well and it just reinforced the horrible behavior. Eventually, I lost control and turned into a B/P cycle that made me regain the weight, where I stayed (in shame) for years. This past fall, I finally started losing weight A HEALTHY WAY, and was soooooo proud of myself for going in the direction weight-wise I wanted without losing control over my eating behavior.

Last week, I relapsed over something sooo stupid (I got my first imperfect grade in grad school, it was still an A but I wanted so much to have 100s for the whole time) and feel like I can't get out the cycle. I started "intermittent fasting" a while ago because I read about all the benefits, but I've lost control and I can't bring myself to eat during the day anymore, making me able to "mini-binge" 500-1000 calories at night and still keep it low. I was so incredibly depressed when I last restricted heavily for a long period of time but now I'm craving it again, and I feel like such a failure. I'm also fighting with the pull of cigarettes and alcohol, both of which I gave up, and feel like moderate restricting will help me feel in control without being too too unhealthy the way cigs and stuff are.

Anyway, thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I've been lurking and getting support from that already, so I really appreciate it.

[Discussion] [Discussion] How Do you girls feel about your period?
/u/calmlyranting [5'5 | Fluctuating | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 10:13:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ygale/discussion_how_do_you_girls_feel_about_your_period/
I've lost mine for a while, and I have some concerns about it. For one, I think I already suffered from endometriosis, mildly anyway, and I'm pretty sure I'm infertile now. Normally I wouldn't be too bothered, I always wanted to adopt more than conceive anyway, but my long term SO has addressed wanting biological children. It's because he feels obligated to because he is the sort of "last of his family line able to do it." That means me getting pregnant is sort of a thing he's counting on.

Don't get me wrong I don't think he's going to break up with me due to infertility, but I can't help but feel like I'm letting him down. That and the idea of pregnancy doesn't sound all bad.

It also makes me wonder what my body is so deficient in that it can't make one. I'm concerned about long term effects on my health if I don't slow the deficits I have down. I know I don't have many problems now, but I know I'm probably with this for the long haul so I better be ready.

Back to children too, I also worry sometimes about not being able to adopt or not being a good parent because of the way I eat. I would do my best to not mess up my kids with my problems, but I keep hearing ED parent horror stories and it worries me. Adoption is complicated enough, if I prove to have mental issues, it throws another hoop/monkey wrench I have to deal with in. But if it's better for those kids I better suck it up, even if the thought makes me depressed.

Well, those are my thoughts anyway, besides the actual missing of it is kinda pleasant.

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
Created: Thu Mar 9 10:10:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yg9y1/daily_thinspo/

[Intro] Semi restricting to keep myself sane
/u/teatotals [5'7 | 140 | -16lb | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 09:25:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yg097/semi_restricting_to_keep_myself_sane/
I've had periods of both restricting and purging in the past, but up until a few weeks ago I hadn't even thought about seriously doing it again for two years. I'm in my final year of university and the stress is really getting to me, and I'm currently averaging 1500 a day. Just needed to get it off my chest.

[Rant/Rave] (Rant) spring break woes
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 09:25:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yg08q/rant_spring_break_woes/
I need to get this off my chest or I'll explode.
I'm going on my first real grown up spring break with my boyfriend to Austin, tx to look at apartments and jobs before we move in May.

I'm terrified. Instead of excited and looking forward I secretly wish we booked a cancellable hotel so I could back out because I won't be able to work out or really know how much I'm eating. Texas has crazy portion sizes and I don't know how I'm going to handle myself. My plan is to just do extra cardio beforehand and hope for the best. I logically know that I won't allow myself to go super crazy and will likely gain like 2 pounds maybe at most. But I'm terrified that I'll somehow binge on everything and that will be that I'll balloon up and be disgusting losing all progress I have made these last few month. I'm down to 123.2 for fucks sake! Loser towns predicting I'll reach my goal weight by end of May.

My boyfriend knows about my ED and while understanding and loving he has gotten to the point where he will get upset that I'm not eating. Not verbally but I can tell by his face and body language that he doesn't know how to help and it's killing him. He knows I'm more anxious with food lately so maybe he won't be too upset over the panic attacks that I know I'll come.

Sorry for this long nothingness.

Any advice on road tripping food wise (I already have the whole I get sick when I eat and am in the care thing) but any go to for eating out? (Well have to eat out since we won't have a kitchen but at least breakfast is provided).

[Rant/Rave] :(
/u/_linstroq [5'7|CW:126|BMI:19|GW:99]
Created: Thu Mar 9 09:15:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yfxxz/_/
Binged on like 6 homemade chocolate chip cookies last night, vomited it up then proceeded to eat an almost entire bag of potato chips. Got on the scale today and apparently i'm back up to 129 rather than my 125 from yesterday. I know it's water weight but i feel so disgusting and large. If someone could just reassure me that it is in fact water weight I'd be really grateful. Sorry for the generic rant lol but i have no one to talk to about this.

[Intro] Don't know if I'm allowed here
Created: Thu Mar 9 07:29:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yfc7w/dont_know_if_im_allowed_here/
Hello all

I don't really know if I'm allowed here, I pretty much eat with out abandon. but lately I've been trying to eat under 1000 calories, I've gone through a day with 500, but I feel really stupid when I look at posts saying they've eaten just a cookie and I've eaten a whole sleeve because I can't stop myself even though I'm trying to go back to under 100 lbs. I don't even know what my relationship with food is. I guess I'm trying to stop myself because I hate the way I look and I'm envious of my friends with things like thigh gaps.
I also feel a bit like a monster when I eat and I don't even know if anyone can relate. Idk I'm rambling.

[Help] Stuck to under 700 cal every day this week, but was forced to eat 1500 yesterday. Help me calm down so I don't purge?
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 110 | UGW: 85 | -21 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 06:46:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yf4ei/stuck_to_under_700_cal_every_day_this_week_but/
All on the tin. I feel terrible. I want to cry and am so mad at myself for not stopping. My friends gave me cake and are already suspicious so I told myself I could just eat one then fast, but then I lost control and basically ate everyone's everything. I am trying to laugh about it with them but on the inside I am so, so sad.

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support March 09, 2017
Created: Thu Mar 9 05:07:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yeonu/weekly_emotional_support_march_09_2017/

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 09, 2017
Created: Thu Mar 9 05:07:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yeong/daily_food_diary_march_09_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 09, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Rant/Rave] A bit scared. [Rant/Rave. It's a bit of both.]
Created: Thu Mar 9 02:28:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ye58j/a_bit_scared_rantrave_its_a_bit_of_both/

[Rant/Rave] I've lost all motivation and I can't get it back
Created: Thu Mar 9 02:22:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ye4ie/ive_lost_all_motivation_and_i_cant_get_it_back/

[Help] Tips on controlling cravings or how to stop binging?
/u/barrelwaisted [5'6 | CW: shhh | GW: 110 | UGW: 100]
Created: Thu Mar 9 02:22:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ye4gd/tips_on_controlling_cravings_or_how_to_stop/
I used to restrict regularly, however up until over a month ago I started binging a lot. It started with going over by a few hundred calories, and now I eat twice as much as what I used to. I'm noticing that I'm gaining weight and I hate it so much.

I'm trying to get back on track, although I've been pretty sick this past week so restricting is super hard.
Do you have any tips on how to control the urge to eat everything in your household?

[Rant/Rave] lol not giving a fuck anymore and people seem okay with it XD
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 59 | GW: < 57 | UGW: 55 | 19.71/19.48 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 02:16:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ye3tp/lol_not_giving_a_fuck_anymore_and_people_seem/
I've stopped hiding my restriction. Last week a friend asked if I was getting lunch. Nope, I'm not eating lunch, I'm trying to lose weight. Got a lecture that I'm skinny enough already, that I looked awful before and now I at least have boobs (kill me). Saw her a few days later and she asked how I could only eat dinner everyday because she tried not eating lunch once and she was "practically starving" lol you don't even know.

Then I've been hanging with my long term FWB quite a bit. Spent all of Sunday into Monday night with him. Same thing, only ate dinner and when we made food together I pushed almost all of it to him. Monday we were making dinner again I straight up say I'm only having my small falafel burger. Nothing else. I'll make you a bunch of food but I won't be having any of it. We made jokes all night about my small portions and calorie intake.

He's big into sports and weight lifting so we spent the dinner talking about how many calories are in the food we were having, how I was only using the mustard and a little bit of the yogurt dip for my food while he was using mayo and cheese. It was fucking awesome! Instead of tallying it all up in my head I could just talk about it. I told him to eat more fries since he wasn't reaching his calorie intake and he offered to eat the rest of my burger if I wasn't feeling up to it. Then we laid on the couch and watched twin peaks, it was amazing.

If I had known it was this easy to just say no and not get any flack I would have done it ages ago.

Bonus: I've lost 6 kg since NYE and the jeans I purchased for Christmas that wouldn't go past my thighs fit comfortably now.

[Rant/Rave] Thought I had fallen off the wagon but nope!
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 134.48lbs | BMI 20.14 |- 26lbs | GW 127lbs | 24F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 01:52:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ye13h/thought_i_had_fallen_off_the_wagon_but_nope/
My routine is gym, punnet of mushrooms, miso soup, raspberries and coke zero.

Yesterday I thought "fuck it" whilst I was at work and super tired (4 hours sleep and 8am to 1am shifts will do that to you) and had a vegan burrito WITH FRIES!

obviously I thought "ffs you've fucked it now" but actually...I tallied it up and overestimated my calories and the full day was WAY under maintenance?

I'm glad my idea of "bingeing" is changing. My weight HAS gone up by a kg but I'm determined to get back down to 64kg by the end of this week.

I can do this! Especially when 300g raw mushrooms is 24kcal....

On mobile please flair rant rave

Im too poor to support my ED
Created: Thu Mar 9 01:34:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ydz6g/im_too_poor_to_support_my_ed/

New to ED, where do I start?
Created: Thu Mar 9 01:27:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ydygg/new_to_ed_where_do_i_start/

[Rant/Rave] What the hell is wrong with me? [rant/rave]
/u/itsteaandlace2007 [5' 4" | Not Telling | -20| 27F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 00:40:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ydst5/what_the_hell_is_wrong_with_me_rantrave/
I went to the doctor yesterday and discovered that I have lost 20 pounds since December. Not the best, but yay me!, right? So what do I do today? I fucking binge. I started out all right-I had my yogurt for my breakfast, and some nice soup for lunch. But then my cousins come home, and I start in on some potato chips, and it all goes downhill from there-I had two huge brownies, a ton of ice cream, more chips, full-sugar soda, and probably three cups of dinner-a creamy pasta dish. Why can't I just stick to what was working for me?!?

[Other] A sudden revelation while entering my binge into MFP
/u/pcrnography [ -84 lbs | king of water retention]
Created: Thu Mar 9 00:12:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ydp8h/a_sudden_revelation_while_entering_my_binge_into/
I hit complete entry, and the weight projection popped up. If I eat like this every day, I will gain weight. If I eat like this often, I will gain weight. Why am I unable to see that my actions have consequences and I can't just close my eyes and eat cookies all day every day as if my body won't acknowledge the calories if my brain doesn't?

Mmmm. That is definitely enough to push me firmly into this restrict cycle.

[Help] I need to go.... this disorder is killing me
Created: Wed Mar 8 23:56:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ydn6s/i_need_to_go_this_disorder_is_killing_me/

[Other] The Skinny Girl Inside of Me
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 21:55:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yd5ji/the_skinny_girl_inside_of_me/
I can feel the skinny girl inside of me. She's balled up in there, begging to come out. I can feel her ribs if I press down enough. I can hear her scream in excitement and knock on my stomach as I fast for one more day. At night I dream of her and her happiness. I fantasize about her reality- when the joy will return to my life. She helps me fight off the urge to binge. She helps me stay calm and breathe. I need her. I want her now.

[Rant/Rave] hi guys.
/u/wildflower_0ne [5'2 | 112.5 | 21.32 | 26F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 21:10:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ycy65/hi_guys/
incredibly longtime lurker here, finally made an account. i'm on this sub all day long, and you are all such a comfort to me. i feel like you are the only ones who would listen to/understand this.

i don't even know why i'm posting this. support maybe? i don't know.

long story short: i've always hated my body, gone through long periods of restricting then not, etc. since i was about 11. after traveling for a good portion of last year and not having access to a scale, i finally weighed myself again in mid-december and was shell-shocked to see i was at my highest weight ever. i freaked out and have been religiously counting cals again since, and am down to two pounds away from the first weight i ever logged onto MFP a million years ago.

i'm just incredibly frustrated right now with just... everything. at the beginning of january i started dating a guy, and just fell into it SO quickly. i stupidly thought it was real/special/"MEANT TO BE" because it was someone i've known for my whole life. i was over the moon and just so excited about LIFE.

needless to say, it ended as soon as it began, and even though it hardly even started i am so incredibly broken up over it. it's killed any motivation i have to do literally anything... and i feel nuts because if it was someone else i would think, "you were together for five minutes, get over it!" but i just can't, and i feel crazy, and i just wish i had never even had that taste of happiness because now i just feel so bad.

to top this off, i'm plateauing so hard and it is just SO annoying. i know the drop will come eventually but it's just so fucking frustrating starting off the day seeing that i haven't lost and then feeling shitty the rest of the day because of just, life.

i'm sorry for ranting and this is the worst intro ever but i can't talk to irl friends about weight and they're probably all sick of hearing me be sad. sigh. if you made it this far, thank you, i just need an ear sometimes. :(

Has anyone ever successfully done a 24 hour fast to make up for a binge day?
Created: Wed Mar 8 21:06:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ycxmp/has_anyone_ever_successfully_done_a_24_hour_fast/

[Rant/Rave] When will I learn...
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 148.2 | -48lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Wed Mar 8 19:35:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ychkd/when_will_i_learn/
(Rant/rave) So I was finally able to wear my size 6 non stretchy AE jeans again! Proceeded to go out with the boyfriend to have a slice of focaccia pizza that I've been saving up for, splurge on a tiny 2x2 chocolate mousse slice...and now I'm glued to the toilet. I hadn't had anything remotely unhealthy in so long I'm definitely paying for it now.

My friend wants to go out for dinner tomorrow and I'm definitely getting a salad or soup, ugh. That cake sure was good though.

[Discussion] DAE feel absolutely bitter and angry about the air of competitiveness in the ED world?
Created: Wed Mar 8 19:09:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yccq7/dae_feel_absolutely_bitter_and_angry_about_the/
I love the support given from ED peeps that other people can't give because heck they don't understand the struggle

At the same time tho

Ed peeps are notoriously competitive

And it's a struggle

I also get very much incensed by south korea's thin and plastic surgery obsession but alas that's for another time.

Created: Wed Mar 8 18:22:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yc40u/perfection/

[Discussion] "What's your favorite food?"
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 17:50:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ybxxb/whats_your_favorite_food/
So like...do you mean my favorite safe food? Favorite binge food? Favorite food pre-ED? Post-ED?

It's such a loaded question it's hilarious. 😂

[Help] 8 days b/p free...until today. I feel like I ruined everything.
Created: Wed Mar 8 16:43:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ybktj/8_days_bp_freeuntil_today_i_feel_like_i_ruined/

[Rant/Rave] I've been purging and I hate it
Created: Wed Mar 8 16:37:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ybjnx/ive_been_purging_and_i_hate_it/
On mobile so cant flair.

It's not like im totally new to ourging after a huge meal but in the past its only ever been on a very rare occassion. Recently I've been doing it more and more consistently. Then this morning I hit an all time low when I locked myself in the employee bathroom at work and stuck my fingers down my throat.

I feel so fucking shameful. I just want to go back to restricting but now I feel like I've crossed some line where my brain will just tell me "it's ok, you can just get rid of it right after."

My boyfriend knows about my ED and I promised I'd always be honest but I'm scared that this would just be too much for him.

I've always felt like I had at least some modicum of control over my ED and now I don't and it really sucks.

[Rant/Rave] Plateaued & Discouraged
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 142.4 | 20.7 | GW2 145 | GW3 139]
Created: Wed Mar 8 15:53:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ybacj/plateaued_discouraged/
I have made no progress since Sunday. I've been stuck at the same weight (plus then minus the same 0.5 lbs). It is so annoying because I've been eating the same basically, except yesterday, as the past weeks & the others weeks I've made sooo much progress. Not to mention, I am so hungry today and I was sooo hungry yesterday. I've been working out... but no difference. I just want to eat a nice warm dinner and dessert ugh I am so hungry but I know I shouldn't.. :(

[Help] Help estimating calories in this chicken. Menu lists it as BBQ HALF a chicken! (Ignore the side dishes. I stole the picture from the Yelp menu)
/u/mermaid_puppy [5'11" | 137lb | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 15:15:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yb1zy/help_estimating_calories_in_this_chicken_menu/

[Thinspo] Artsy thinspo
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|106|18.8|F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 14:44:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yauvj/artsy_thinspo/

[Discussion] Thought I'd share some recent food discoveries
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 11:31:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y9nku/thought_id_share_some_recent_food_discoveries/
Sooo recently I've found a few things that satisfy my cravings (aka I'm on my period and need some chocolate). I thought I'd tell you guys about them in case anyone is interested.

The first one is actually a protein drink! I was never a fan of these, but since I exercise I need to have a fair amount of protein. It's called muscle milk light, the chocolate kind. So it satisfies my chocolate craving, has lots of protein, 100 calories, and delish. When I have this, I'm full for a loooong time so it's worth it to me. (however I also tried the vanilla kind and was NOT impressed. Only like the chocolate.)

The second one is kind of a guilty pleasure and takes some self control. Chips ahoy thins! I'm kind of obsessed with them so I never buy them, but I did this time. I realized that one cookie is 35 calories! So if you can eat one cookie it's not bad at all, but I tend to just keep eating them (ouch).

Anyone have any yummy discoveries?

[Rant/Rave] Progress in an anxiety vacuum
Created: Wed Mar 8 10:46:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y9dde/progress_in_an_anxiety_vacuum/

I've felt extremely dissociated and anxious for the past month, albeit content and semi-functional still. But everything feels blurry and I think most of it can be contributed to stress from maintaining two jobs and a daily social life as well. But because of this I fell off the gym wagon and have been convinced I've been gaining. I weighed myself at a friends the other day (the scale was down 6 pounds) but was skeptical due to it being a different scale than I'm used to; and the belt that I usually wear comfortably fit at 2 notches tighter. But I just weighed myself this morning, after a long sleepless panic attack night, and am down 8 pounds in total since the strange plateau I was dealing with! Shout out to stress~ even if the mirror still makes me feel inadequate.

[Rant/Rave] Recovery is a joke and I'm tired
Created: Wed Mar 8 09:46:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y8ze8/recovery_is_a_joke_and_im_tired/

[Discussion] DAE cook when they feel anxious about weight, body image, or food?
/u/ChubbyBunny8 [5'2" | 133 | 25.20 | -17 | 28F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 09:45:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y8z9o/dae_cook_when_they_feel_anxious_about_weight_body/
Yesterday I was feeling really anxious about my weight, and I kept thinking about the summer weather that's coming and being the whale by the pool. So I fasted during the day, came home, and made two cakes. I've noticed that cooking is calming when I have these anxieties. Is cooking soothing to any of y'all, even when feeling anxious about food?

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] I love when normie memes are relatable for the wrong reasons (x-post r/meirl)
Created: Wed Mar 8 09:42:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y8ymk/i_love_when_normie_memes_are_relatable_for_the/

[Rant/Rave] Doc appt is a wake-up call that I'm not doing this fast enough.
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -55lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Wed Mar 8 08:14:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y8fm8/doc_appt_is_a_wakeup_call_that_im_not_doing_this/
I went to the doc for a quick checkup yesterday and my blood pressure is a little higher than normal (I think he said the lower number should be under 80, mine is at 84). He suggests more cardio, cool, but as I'm leaving, he calls me back into his office, closes the door and goes "Size666, you know, you're too young to have to worry about this. You passed one of the hardest licensing exams in the country - there is nothing you can't do! You have to get a handle on your weight."

I'm kind of numb. I've never had "the talk" from a doctor before, not even when I was almost 240lbs. He's not wrong, I shouldn't have the body of an unkempt 80-year-old woman in my early 30s, but I think what makes it sting a little is that I've been feeling so great about my progress. No binges, lost the [9lbs I thought I gained back last week](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5woesh/had_a_long_weekend_of_binge_drinking_woke_up_9lbs/), and I'm the lowest weight I've been since college. Now I feel like a complete failure and I'm back to being disgusted with my body and ashamed of far I let myself go. This isn't the first time someone has said 'hey, you're smart, why aren't you fit' to me. I mentioned here before that [my mentor has alluded to the same thing](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xccr5/i_woke_up_this_morning_feeling_hopeless/). But I don't have an answer. Maybe I'm not as smart as everyone thinks I am. It's not like I want to look like this...I just don't know what's wrong with me.

I feel like I can't go back to that doc next month without losing at least another 10lbs. I have to go back to severe restricting and hit the gym more. I hate that this is the one thing I can't get a handle on.

**Edit: Thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement! I'm in a much better place today than I was yesterday. I'm taking his counsel with a grain of salt because I'm doing what I need to do right now, and it's working so far. I just have to keep going.**

[Rant/Rave] I just got laid off at work and all I want to do is crawl into a corner and binge
Created: Wed Mar 8 08:12:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y8fa2/i_just_got_laid_off_at_work_and_all_i_want_to_do/
I was even doing so well binge-wise! My boyfriend and I have a planned baking session for St. Patrick's day. We planned to make cupcakes and I planned to allow myself one on the 17th. I was being so good - excited about the cupcake, but not miserable about waiting until St. Patrick's day either.

Now I want every food known to man. I want to see how many m&ms will fit in my mouth before I choke, I want to inject melted ice cream into my tear ducts, I want to see how many chips it takes to numb my pain.

[Help] Plan B and Weight Gain
Created: Wed Mar 8 07:56:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y8bxr/plan_b_and_weight_gain/
Hello all! Please excuse any type-os as I am on mobile and currently in a state of panic.

A few days ago, due to my own stupidity, I had to take Plan B. Since then I have gained weight, despite my restrictions and exercise; the bloating is also massive. I read some articles online, and some women complain that they gained as much as 20 pounds after taking the pill and I am freaking out. I've worked so hard to lose the last 35 pounds and gaining it back would kill me.

Has anyone else gone through this? Does anyone have tips? Please help :(

[Help] I'm trying to figure out what I want right now, and I have a few questions on recovery.
Created: Wed Mar 8 07:48:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y8ac0/im_trying_to_figure_out_what_i_want_right_now_and/

[Discussion] Today is my birthday, I just ate four cookies?
/u/princesspineapples3 [5'3" | CW 122 | 21.6 | -10.4| 23F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 06:30:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y7w76/today_is_my_birthday_i_just_ate_four_cookies/
You know what my bf said to me? "Wow you really can't fight temptation can you?"

Aaand this is why I have am mentally fucked. I was planning on having a lenient day because it's my birthday but fuck it. I won't eat for the rest of the day. I already beat myself up when I eat ANYTHING, I don't need the love of my life doing the same.

Usually people with ED have loved ones that try to discourage their ED behavior, not encourage it. Anyone have someone in their life that encourages it?

EDIT (Read Meeee): THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE! I want to reply to each and every one of you but I'm with friends right now (don't wanna be rude on my phone). It's crazy how a bunch on internet strangers can band together just to make this one silly little girl feel special on her birthday. I LOVE YOU ALL, you all are amazing, beautiful people. ❤️

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday March 08, 2017
Created: Wed Mar 8 05:09:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y7joz/way_to_go_wednesday_march_08_2017/

This is the weekly achievement thread for March 08, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 08, 2017
Created: Wed Mar 8 05:09:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y7jo4/daily_food_diary_march_08_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 08, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Rant/Rave] I'm back, and also my hair might be thinning?! :(
/u/sprinkle1997 [156 cm | SW 70 kg CW 55.5 kg GW 45 kg | 19F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 03:59:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y7amj/im_back_and_also_my_hair_might_be_thinning/
I've been gone for about a month and I've been eating way too much and way too freely... I have been lucky not to have any weight gain so far, but I feel terrible about not having lost any weight for my entire winter break, which was 3 months long... all that progress I could have made. Anyways, I'm in South Korea for the semester and everyone is so thin. I was starting to feel okay at home, but that's all changed now that I'm here.. the only thing is I noticed before I started eating normally again was that my hair was starting to feel thinner than before. It still does and I am super worried about it! :(

[Tip] something that I think helps with compulsive eating
Created: Wed Mar 8 02:23:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y6zio/something_that_i_think_helps_with_compulsive/
I always have the urge to eat when I'm trying to sleep and the hunger is keeping me up, even if I've already eaten

so I make sure my room is darkish and I just plug in the earphones and listen to the music and this kind of subdues the urge I have to eat. I lay on my back and think about how many better things there are to do than eat, I daydream about a version of myself that doesn't care about eating.

I feel like this may be helpful for us who binge/compulsively eat. It's not just the music as a distraction, but convincing myself that my thoughts will pass.

[Help] Concerns over food in coffee shop...need calorie guesses
/u/LadySkywalker [5'7'' | fat | fatty | -15lbs | F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 00:18:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y6kxc/concerns_over_food_in_coffee_shopneed_calorie/

I can't figure this out and I can't eat it until I can figure it out and it's part of a routine that I want and plan for and this is stupid.

There's a local coffee place where I go twice a week. It's all local, everyone in town is super healthy and all about local source and mom and pop shops. So the food they have in this cafe mainly comes from either the shop itself or a local bakery. There is a slice of cranberry walnut bread that I convinced myself fit into my daily plan and I marked it safe. But now I'm questioning everything.

MFP has most of them around 160 so that's what I've been counting this slice as but homemade things can vary so drastically I'm becoming really concerned about this stupid bread. I'm hoping someone can help me with a calorie guess.

It's a single slice that's approximately the width of my thumb nail (bed of nail to tip of thumb).

There's usually about 1 1/2 total walnut deshelled pieces in there but they've been broken up.

There's also usually about 4-5 cranberries.

The slice is the size of my palm.

This is a picture of the [bread](https://s3-media1.fl.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/lhQa3DjxzoTSNnmK8p1CQQ/o.jpg) in question. It's the second from the right.

I feel like 160 is too little. Should I up it to 200? But if I do that I have to modify my whole routine to accommodate the extra 40 calories and that will just through everything off. Suggestions?

[Help] Party hard and just call it a night?
/u/quietpandaa [5'1 | 97 | 19.1 | -13 | 19F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 22:32:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y65yk/party_hard_and_just_call_it_a_night/
So, tomorrow night (today technically since it's past midnight for me?) is a really big event for students at my school. Basically we're getting sorted into our upperclassman houses the following morning, so the night before everyone congregates with their friends that they chose to get sorted with and parties. I've basically been avoiding all social interaction for a while because I don't want to have to deal with eating out or alcohol calories, but I really can't skip out on this event, nor do I want to since it's such a big thing and I'll only experience it once.

It'll be drinking games and tons of snacks all night. I'm trying to decide whether to say fuck it on calories and just let myself eat and drink for the night almost as a binge kind of thing, or to not eat anything and say it's because I'm on medicine (which I am but meh) and that I'm just not hungry. Ugh. Trying to predict how much weight I'd gain from one night of drinking and eating is stressful.

[Discussion] DAE tend to eat more around certain people?
Created: Tue Mar 7 22:06:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y61r3/dae_tend_to_eat_more_around_certain_people/
No flair because mobile!

When I'm alone all day I tend to eat like a bird. Occasionally I'll binge, but more often I essentially forget food exists.
When I'm with my SO, though, it is a constant battle to stay under my calorie goal. To be fair, he's a thin person with a very high metabolism, so he can eat, like, 3000+ calories a day with little to no weight gain (#jealous). When he eats, it's so natural for me to eat as well.
I always get back home after the time we spend together weighing .5-2 pounds more and it's hindering my progress and honestly so frustrating. I feel like a failure because I can't control myself.

Anyways, does anyone else have this issue? How can I combat it?

[Help] I'm really nervous
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 22:03:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y619p/im_really_nervous/
I'm gonna wear a tank-top with my arms showing for the first time in forever. I feel like I'm gonna look really huge and I need a bit of encouragement. I haven't worn anything but sweaters and sweatshirts for a while. My arms are my biggest insecurity and I'm so frightened of showing them to the world. I'm afraid my boobs are gonna look saggy and my stomach is gonna protrude. There's this guy I really wanna impress, but if I'm a walking tent, that's not gonna happen. I just need someone to tell me that everyone is not looking at me and I'm going to be fine.

[Rant/Rave] Halo top yummmm
Created: Tue Mar 7 21:52:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y5zac/halo_top_yummmm/
So I got birthday cake, cookies and cream, and vanilla. Well I ate all of the vanilla one today. I think it's 240 or 260 calories (I can't remember and I'm too lazy to look it up so I'm going with 260). My bf commented on me eating it all and he was all disappointed bc he didn't get to try any. I was like well that was my ice cream I bought for 6 bucks.... I guess I have to buy them in doubles now so he can have one... anyways he suggested that I stay within the serving size even though the whole container is only 260ish calories... I'm just so annoyed with food and everything and other people's input. I wish I never brought up the food thing and that no one could tell that it bothers me. Uhhh

Mobile no flair rant

[Rant/Rave] I can't stop binging and thinking about purging!!
Created: Tue Mar 7 21:39:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y5xaw/i_cant_stop_binging_and_thinking_about_purging/
Tbh I'm mostly posting this so I can hold myself accountable to stop fucking up 😂. I've increased my calories by a bit because I'm going to the gym everyday and I wanted to build muscle but all I've done is binge! I'm soo bloated and I've been losing sleep because I stay up late just eating and eating. I really just want to fast for days but I know I'll just binge afterwards ?? I've been having thoughts about purging too and I've never purged before so I'm worried /: I'm so lost in my eating disorder, I've never been a binger before.

/u/canwefloat [5'5 | 120 | - 11 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 20:38:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y5mkc/stay_away_from_nuts/

I've been recovering for a while now but sometimes I'll do something weird, and I just need this community to vent to.

Have you ever had roasted and salted pecans? They're freaking dope. So dope, I've had about 600 calories of them today, along with almonds.

Why why why did I buy a bag of them. Uergh. I'm trying to eat healthy, not binge on the most addictive-yet-unsatiating food ever.

I'm over my cals for the day and I'm just aiming for 1,200. It's not even supposed to be hard.

P.S. I've been trying to do keto but ate two cookies???? why body

P. P. S. I finally updated my flair to reflect my sustained 8 lb weight gain haha C O O L

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
Created: Tue Mar 7 20:31:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y5lc9/daily_thinspo/

Casually sitting at the table...
Created: Tue Mar 7 20:28:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y5ku5/casually_sitting_at_the_table/
Eating 2 XL chocolate bars and waiting for death to take me because I'm out of sleeping pills

How is everyone?

[Rant/Rave] Tried to gently reincorporate bread into my diet today. Guess who just ate an entire loaf of bread hahahaha
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105.2 | GW 95]
Created: Tue Mar 7 20:15:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y5ikb/tried_to_gently_reincorporate_bread_into_my_diet/
Why am I like this

Thank god it was the 40cal bread

[Help] Can anybody reassure me a little? Currently freaking out :(
Created: Tue Mar 7 19:47:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y5diu/can_anybody_reassure_me_a_little_currently/

[Other] Hey I write dumb, not-great poems, this is one about eating disorders
/u/TeaCupGirl [5'7" | CW 119.2lbs | 18.7 | -20.8lb |]
Created: Tue Mar 7 19:20:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y58m3/hey_i_write_dumb_notgreat_poems_this_is_one_about/
Freeing my cheekbones from their prison

cells of fat

setting fire to the folds

and rolls

holding them hostage

till the sun bleached bones


gently to the surface

of my sea foam skin.


like wooden wind chimes

they'll make music as I breathe

and echo their songs to the

crowns of my teeth

so as I say

"I'm not hungry"

to me,

those words will be melodies.

And I'll take the truth

behind that phrase

and write it on my thinnest


I'll hide that secret scroll inside

the hollow bones along my side

and I will stay as still as stone

As quiet as the silent ghost.

And if my heart

does fail its test,

I will not let my body rest

Those words may be my eulogy

but may they say that

I was free.

Created: Tue Mar 7 19:11:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y56xh/me_irl/

[Discussion] He said I felt smaller!
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 204.6 lbs | -70.4lbs | GW: 115 | 26F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 18:58:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y54f8/he_said_i_felt_smaller/
My husband doesn't usually comment on my weight because he doesn't want to encourage the ED.. but he came up behind me earlier to give me a hug and said "wow, I can feel that you've lost weight. You're smaller!"

And I'm just walking on air.

I OBVIOUSLY have a long way to go.. but for tonight, I'm happy.

[Discussion] What other related subreddits do you follow?
Created: Tue Mar 7 18:40:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y514g/what_other_related_subreddits_do_you_follow/

[Rant/Rave] Instagram frustrations
/u/skinnypod [5'6" | 121 | 19.8 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 17:10:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y4ji2/instagram_frustrations/
Just a rant really. And a question I guess?

What tags do you guys use to search for thinspo on instagram?

I used to just browse tumblr all day, looking at bodies I wished I had, but I've had to delete the app from my phone. Instagram seems to have blocked the thinspo tag and various related ones (though they've allowed fatspo but that's a rant for a different day...)

Is instagram having a massive anti-thin crack down? Or just in the tag sections, and the dedicated thinspo accounts are still up if you know where to look?

[Discussion] Good ED web series/vlogs?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 16:34:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y4bzp/good_ed_web_seriesvlogs/
I'm especially looking for those not in recovery. Something like anonymous brahette. I can't sleep and I have like 3 hours to kill. Any suggestions would be very appreciated :)

[Discussion] Suggestions for lowcal condiments/spices to snack on?
Created: Tue Mar 7 16:32:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y4bj2/suggestions_for_lowcal_condimentsspices_to_snack/

[Help] I just ate 1,000 calories in 2 tiny dessert bars.. I think.. Help?
Created: Tue Mar 7 16:06:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y462t/i_just_ate_1000_calories_in_2_tiny_dessert_bars_i/

[Discussion] Is anyone else paranoid their BMR/TDEE is lower than calculators say?
/u/foldedpapercranes [5'6'' | 105lbs | bmi 17| F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 15:40:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y40ng/is_anyone_else_paranoid_their_bmrtdee_is_lower/
I trust CICO...but what if my calories out is lower than the calculators say?

I estimate my TDEE to be 1550 sedentary and higher when I run. I've been trying to avoid binging and have been eating 1200-1300 calories every day. This gives me a very low margin of error...if I binge once or go over, my deficit is gone. But I know if I restrict below for too long I will eventually binge.

I was very unhappy on 700-800 calories a day and I can't risk binging. I'm tempted to pay $100 for a BMR test just to see if I'm below average or what.

I know I can reverse calculate my TDEE, but then I'm paranoid I didn't log perfectly. Or that water retention messed up the data. I haven't had a whoosh yet and I may be retaining water since I started running...but I've run before and never had this. :P

[Goal] Tomorrow is a new day
Created: Tue Mar 7 15:35:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y3zmw/tomorrow_is_a_new_day/
I binged like I have never binged before. Partially it was bc I got frustrated with the fact that my weight wasn't dropping much even after severely restricting and starting to exercise. and also bc I ate more than I expected on my bday which caused me to not be able to regulate to eating little the next day. But instead of beating the hell out of myself, I am going to let today go. I'm going to be OK. I will get back on track tomorrow. I will reach my goal weight. It might seem impossible, but I will. It'll be all OK.

[Other] Looked at myself objectively for the first time in a long time and wasn't all that upset.
/u/almightylurker [5'1" | 140 | 26.45 | -70 | 19F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 15:19:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y3w6y/looked_at_myself_objectively_for_the_first_time/
So the other night I got really fucking high and was sitting on the edge of my bf's bed, staring at my clothed reflection in his window &I actually saw myself for what I was. As hard as it is to admit, especially since I still feel huge, I'm no longer fat. I'm what people would describe as chubby. Those 65 pounds I've lost (I need to update my flair) are actually gone. It feels so liberating.

Now, this doesn't mean shit when it comes to how thin I want to be, but it's nice I suppose, to know that I don't look morbidly obese anymore. Idk guys, I'm just super motivated and wanted to tell someone who isn't my bf lol.

[Help] Dental care?
Created: Tue Mar 7 14:50:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y3pt9/dental_care/

[Other] I think this is goodbye (and a thank you)
/u/dnedna [5'7" | 116.4 | GW:108 | 18.22]
Created: Tue Mar 7 13:42:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y3amq/i_think_this_is_goodbye_and_a_thank_you/
My flair isn't right. I've been avoiding this sub because I have been binging for the last 3 weeks and I think I have gained around 10-15 lbs. I am too scared to weigh myself. My jeans don't fit any more, not even my loosest pair. I can feel the fat clinging to me. My thighs touch for the first time in my adult life and I am terrified and disgusted and I need this to stop because I can't stop it by myself and I don't know what to do. I cannot stop eating. There is a monster in me who is never quiet i am out of control i cannot stand this any more.

I am dropping out of university in three days but do not think I will not make it until the end of the week. I have everything I need to end it. I can't live like this in this body and this head. If this is my last post here, then thank you to everyone on here who I have ever spoken to - you let the light in in the worst times, and I am sorry I could not be as brave as you are.

[Discussion] Is anyone else putting off getting their driver's license until they lose weight?
Created: Tue Mar 7 13:38:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y39r4/is_anyone_else_putting_off_getting_their_drivers/
I'm turning seventeen next month and still don't have my licence, my 15 year old friend is getting her permit in a few weeks. I feel terrible about myself because everyone else around me can drive but I'm terrified to put my weight on the damn licence. I know as soon as I get it everyone will want to see it and I'll basically just be handing them over a card that says what I weigh. Ugh, I could mark over my weight with a sharpie but I don't think that's legal :/

[Intro] As good a time as any..
/u/Moshi_Moshi_Teriyaki [5'9 | CW 132 | UGW 115 | -25]
Created: Tue Mar 7 13:12:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y33ia/as_good_a_time_as_any/
Well hello there

I've been a long time lurker but making the jump now to introduce myself. I'm Moshi Moshi, and I've had a not quite normal relationship with food since I was about 12.

I'm an over-exerciser and restrictor, and I've been doing really well recently in working off the weight from my last relationship ending. I've also just found out my ex (who I work with) is dating someone else in the office now. And has been for 2 months. And has invited her to a mutual friends wedding in 6 months time.

I'm in a really weird place right now, but you guys seem lovely. So if you don't mind me seeking a little bit of shelter here for a while, I promise to give you all the good vibes I can spare.

[Rant/Rave] Not allowed to weigh under 110 pounds
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 105.8 | 20 | -12 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Mar 7 12:16:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y2qg0/not_allowed_to_weigh_under_110_pounds/
I had to keep my weight at around a hundred and ten for weeks. I'm really dissatisfied and unhappy. You see, I donate plasma. It allows me to have a little extra money for my own. My husband pays for everything else, and he would buy me anything I wanted if I asked, but I don't want to burden him anymore. So I decided to make my own money for personal needs. But I don't think a hundred dollars a week is worth this. Maybe I can figure out a way to trick their scales... The usual things... down half a gallon of water, wear bell bottom jeans and sew weights to the inner hems. I feel terrible having to lie, especially since if I get caught I'll never be allowed to donate plasma again, and there goes all my money. But I can't keep my weight at a hundred and ten pounds. I think the restlessness I feel is going to kill me. I hate having to intentionally sabotage my progress by eating handfuls of chocolate chips. I hate having to think of how much weight I could have lost by now if I'd only been allowed to try.

[Help] Going to the movies...
/u/skinny-waifu [5'2|HW 150 |CW 121|LW 113|F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 12:09:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y2ovw/going_to_the_movies/
I'm going to the movies with my boyfriend and a few friends, I totally forgot that it was happening... I'm just really scared of all the popcorn that I'm going to eat. To make matters worse my friend came to my door with WAFER BARS AND CARAMEL CHOCOLATE. I had one 140 calorie bar and two rows of chocolate. I just need some comfort for my anxiety and some tips for not binging but still looking like I'm eating so my friends don't get suspicious.

[Discussion] DAE feel like your ED will turn you into who you want to be?
Created: Tue Mar 7 11:58:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y2lyv/dae_feel_like_your_ed_will_turn_you_into_who_you/

[Rant/Rave] F****** up the woosh
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 11:03:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y26tl/f_up_the_woosh/
So I had a plateau at my lowest weight in about 6months at 156.8 and I kept eating and working out the same amount, trying to push through it but this weekend I went out drinking with friends and then had a 3 day binge on pasta, cheese, burgers, chicken nuggets, fries, you name it. AND GUESS WHAT. I weighed in this morning at 156.8. Calorie wise I ate at least 2-4 lbs worth of calories, meaning my woosh happened and I counteracted it with binging. Such a shitty feeling! I'm happy I'm not up but feel so pissed I could have finally broken 155. This week i'm going to restrict/work out more and make sure i see that number soon.

How is y'all's week going?

[Thinspo] I found a new (for me) thinspo song...been listening to it basically on repeat for the last few days.
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|106|18.8|F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 10:46:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y2241/i_found_a_new_for_me_thinspo_songbeen_listening/

[Intro] Introducing...
/u/mastermindtinycat [5'2" | CW: 92.8lbs | GW: 81 lbs? | 17.6 | F | ]
Created: Tue Mar 7 10:41:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y20q2/introducing/
Hi Proed!

Long time listener, first time caller. I know this is probably a fucked up thing to say on many levels, but I think I'm in good company here: y'all are very inspiring.

I know how hard it is to carry on your day like nothing is happening, pretending that you're not literally starving. Smile and keep making the motions, ignoring the beast ripping you to shreds from the inside. I know what that's like. Yet you all keep moving forward, and it's beautiful to see you all supporting each other along the way. I would like to lend my support in any way I can.

Just some bits about me: I'm the perfectionist type of disordered eater with OCD tendencies, mostly AN but I do b/p so who fuckin knows anyway. 24 now, but I've been restricting and b/ping since I was 12. I'm a healthcare researcher (I know) and planning on applying to medical school shortly (I KNOW).

I'm always here to listen, share some advice, and be here for y'all. Thanks for everything you do and share and say, and know that there's a stranger out there in the world who thinks you are all beautiful.

Sorry for the long, sappy post. Guess my body is trying to cling on to some semblance of a hormonal cycle that dried up long ago.

Nice to meet you!

-Mastermindtinycat ❤️️

[Rant/Rave] I just mini-binged on a bunch of prunes uh oh
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Tue Mar 7 09:51:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y1mz6/i_just_minibinged_on_a_bunch_of_prunes_uh_oh/
Hahaha oops.

So, maybe not a legit binge, but definitely a mini-binge. I was ULTRA stressed because of some stuff, and hungry, and thought fuck it, gonna stress-eat some stuff that was too close to hand. I had some chocolate, peanut butter, and some prunes. I only had normal portions of the chocolate and peanut butter but I ended up finishing the bag of prunes. It was only 900kcal worth of food total so I havn't overdone the cals for the day at least (yet) and the stress eating feeling is gone and I'm full... but I have absolutely overdone the prunes.

Should have seen my face when I reached into the bag whilst watching Netflix and there were no prunes left. "ohh piss...". I only bought it to begin with because I've been really constipated since restricting again and was planning to have a few each night. I.. I don't think constipation will be a problem any more xD

I'm currently chugging water to help things along. I've had worse binges on foods that I think would actually have a worse effect so I'm not freaking out too much. It's just.. oh god, prune mini-binge xD

Wish me luck guys... xD

[Discussion] overtired and eating to stay awake?
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 142.4 | 20.7 | GW2 145 | GW3 139]
Created: Tue Mar 7 09:15:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y1d65/overtired_and_eating_to_stay_awake/
On mobile,can't flair.
Does anyone else when they are really tired feel like they need food not to fulfill hunger, but for energy to stay awake? I did not sleep a lot last night and am so SO tired at work, to the point that coffee/bronk is not working. I'm not hungry at all but ate a banana and rice cakes for some energy. I feel like such a loser bc I can usually make it until 3 or so at work without eating.
Does this happen to anyone else? I feel like a loser.

[Help] Harm reduction help?
Created: Tue Mar 7 08:54:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y17d4/harm_reduction_help/

[Help] Thinking about going keto/low-carb. Anybody have experience with that?
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:114.2🌸 BMI:20.2🌙 -30.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Tue Mar 7 08:40:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y13t6/thinking_about_going_ketolowcarb_anybody_have/
So, carbs are my fucking downfall. I've made some good progress since this started and dropped over 20 lbs, but I still eat too many carbs. I think I'd have an easier time losing weight and feeling fuller if I cut out all the bread/crackers/rice I've been eating.

BUT! That means basically totally overhauling my diet. I'm used to waking up to a bowl of Kashi crunch, but that shit is 20 carbs per serving! Agh.

**So my questions for you guys are:**

1. How many carbs should I shoot for to go into ketosis? I've heard anywhere from 20-50g per day. 20 seems impossible for my carb-loving ass, but 50 seems like too much. Would 35 work for someone my size? I'm planning on buying some of those test strips that test your pee for ketones so I can make sure I'm doing it right.

1. How long before you started noticing a change in how you felt/looked?

1. Any negative "symptoms" (fatigue, bloating) of going keto that I should watch out for? How long do they last?

1. Any easy/simple keto recipes for quick snacks/meals that are low-cal and low-carb?

1. Any tips/tricks to keep me from cracking and giving into carbs? I'm thinking about upping my calories to 1200 just for the first week, because I feel like trying to restrict while also purging my body of carbs and craving them like crazy is a recipe for disaster.

I'd ask this over in /r/keto but the second anyone in one of those subs sees my post history here, I either get banned from the sub, my post gets deleted, or people comment that they won't help me because you shouldn't do keto with an ED. Plus I trust you guys more.

**P.S.:** I ate mashed potatoes last night (#1 trigger food) and didn't binge! I just had one scoop like a fucking normal person, and fiancé made them without using fucktons of butter and cream so they weren't too unhealthy.

**EDIT:** Um, nevermind. After learning more and having my first breakfast of only almonds and raspberries, I give up. That breakfast had way more calories and fat than I usually eat for breakfast, and guess what? I'm still starving. I can't live without bananas, brussels sprouts, and brown rice. I can't live on fucking 10 carbs without going insane and eating an entire loaf of bread. Thanks for trying to help anyway, guys. Please excuse my shitty mood - I'm frustrated at this stupid diet, at my stupid fat self for failing it before I even started it, at my hormones for making me bloated and moody, and just...at the world, for having people that exist in it happily and successfully. I am such a fucking failure. Jesus Christ.

To all your keto-ers out there, fucking kudos. I'm gonna try for a few days but I can already tell it's not gonna work. You guys are clearly gods among us. I cannot for the life of me understand how someone has the self-control to only eat 10 carbs without going fucking insane. God I hate myself.

[Discussion] What's your grocery list usually like?
Created: Tue Mar 7 08:18:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y0y4d/whats_your_grocery_list_usually_like/
I'm going shopping today, and usually I can come up with things but today I can't. Yesterday I binged pretty hard on Chinese food and I'm trying to go back to my daily limit of 200-250.
So far I have:
15 cal noodles
Laughing cow cheese
String cheese
Smart pop or whaTever it's called
Coke Zero
Olives (possibly)
Sugar free jello
Miso soup package
Also no flair cause le mobile

Thank you so much for all the suggestions :)
Now I have a huge list for the next few weeks!

[Rant/Rave] "Please don't lose anymore weight"
/u/erilaz- [5'7 | CW: 160 | GW: 110 | -60lbs | F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 06:58:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y0gfb/please_dont_lose_anymore_weight/
"This is a good weight for you, you're looking too skinny"

I am still overweight, I still plan to lose weight, and having this conversation with my mom is so frustrating. It seemed that she would be mad if I lost anymore weight.

I tried to explain to her I was still six pounds away from a normal weight and her response was "...okay, I guess you could lose six more pounds. But no more"

Thinking about teetering between normal and overweight gave me so much anxiety. I tried to consider it but I just can't.

And I know it's because she's never seen me this small, and all that shenanagins of living with unhealthy people and how my success exacerbates her failure at losing weight. But I was wondering if anyone else had this conversation and how they went about explaining to someone that this is not "too skinny"??

Thanks(also mobile but deff a rant)

[Rant/Rave] First experience with body dysmorphia, or something like it...
/u/invisibone [5'5" | CW 118.6 | F |]
Created: Tue Mar 7 06:34:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y0caq/first_experience_with_body_dysmorphia_or/
So, I've dropped about 27 pounds since late December. Now, that I'm finally in a comfortable place, I find myself needing more reassurance than ever. It's as though I'll wake up and have dreamt the whole thing. Maybe because it happened so fast, thanks to some emothinal stress. I look down, and I don't feel connected to this version of my body yet.

Last night I was going through my closet, and doing my usual shameful trying on of everything I own that doesn't zip or button anymore... And to my huge surprise, it all did. My smallest pair of pants, which are admittedly still too tight to wear outside, zipped and buttoned easily. They just slipped right on. I am so confused by this. I stood in the mirror and could not believe what I was seeing. They haven't fit in 5 years.

Guess I'm just scared it's too good to be true. Feel like I need to lose about 10 more pounds to be safe. But then most of the clothes I've been coveting, that have taunted me from my closet for 5 years, will look loose. Ugh. Idk. I'm just in a weird place.

[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A March 07, 2017
Created: Tue Mar 7 05:08:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xzyzx/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_march_07_2017/

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 07, 2017
Created: Tue Mar 7 05:08:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xzyz0/daily_food_diary_march_07_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 07, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Discussion] What's everyone here's stance on artificial sweeteners? [Discussion]
Created: Tue Mar 7 02:12:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xzeq8/whats_everyone_heres_stance_on_artificial/
Hi y'all! I'm wondering because as of lately I've been chugging diet sodas like water and putting Splenda packets in everything, my oatmeal, hot cocoa, whatever. (So healthy lol!) anyways, I'm wondering what y'all think about them. Do you think they cause harm or do y'all think they're just like any other sweetener? I'm curious because of how much I've been upping my intake of it lately.

[Rant/Rave] I think I've accidentally recovered and I'm so confused and scared...
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 24.03 | -68lbs | M]
Created: Tue Mar 7 00:58:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xz6k9/i_think_ive_accidentally_recovered_and_im_so/
I was having a lot of binges mid-February so I decided forcing myself to eat maintenance for a couple weeks would reset my body. I figured I'd re-fuel and then be back on the horse no problem with no more binges for a long while. Despite my issues with food I grew accustomed to maintenance fairly quickly. That, of course, started feelings of doubt and anxiety because I felt that I couldn't truly be disordered if I could switch so easily (despite losing nearly seventy pounds in five months. Good one brain.)

I got over those doubts and had decided to start fresh in March. I was so excited to get back to my old ways, I'd been dying to lower my calories for several days but made myself finish February at maintenance for the benefit of my health. Now I'm a full week into March and I'm still not back on track. It's like, I can't even force myself to eat the amount I thought was 'too much' even a month ago. Every day is the same shit. I start with good intentions and am over my old limits by mid-afternoon. I'm still restricting I guess but it doesn't feel like it because it's double my old safe-zone and half the days I've still capped off at maintenance.

I'm freaking out. I feel like I literally can't eat the way I want to anymore. I'm terrified that I've somehow recovered at least on some level and now I'm going to be stuck here, not gaining but no longer losing when I'm still fat and gross. What the fuck am I supposed to do? UGHH

[Other] Alone and sad with $10.
Created: Mon Mar 6 22:48:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xypsr/alone_and_sad_with_10/

[Rant/Rave] Fucked up teeth/getting married
Created: Mon Mar 6 21:43:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xyfmx/fucked_up_teethgetting_married/
So I have an underbite and I think it's he ugliest thing ever. In all my pics I smile with my mouth shut. I never ever smile with teeth or even dare think about it. I guess I'm semi lucky bc my teeth are straight, but the bottom jaw does protrude out. Anyways I want to get facial surgery to correct it. I refuse to mess with braces/retainers and all that jazz. I'm going to make an appt for a consultation next week. Anyways I'm exited that I won't be able to properly chew for minimal 2 months so maybe I could drop massive weight before getting married??? I want it so bad lol. I also want to buy a new car... so there goes all my money.. a car bc that's practical and jaw surgery so I can lose massive weight and benefit from pretty teeth. I'm so jelly belly of everyone with nice teeth :/

Mobile no flair

[Help] Worried about fainting
Created: Mon Mar 6 21:38:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xyeqt/worried_about_fainting/
My college is pretty health conscious and we are required to take a few credits of some sort of physical/recreational activity. Currently I'm in tennis and lately I've been feeling faint and lacking energy. I've never fainted before, but last class at the end I was seeing black, but I sat down for a couple minutes and I was fine and went to my room and took a nap. I've been more restrictive the past few days and I have tennis tomorrow and I'm very worried. I don't plan on eating much prior to it because I have dinner plans with my friends. What should I do?

*I have tennis in an hour I had a good amount of food and a Powerade.
I have to rearrange the calories for the rest of my day, but I'd rather do that than pass out.
Thanks for everyone for the advice ☺️

[Help] How much fat do you need to absorb vitamin D?
Created: Mon Mar 6 21:01:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xy8n9/how_much_fat_do_you_need_to_absorb_vitamin_d/
I just went over some bloodwork with my doc this afternoon and he prescribed me some super-strong vitamin D supplement. I read about it a little bit after getting back and everywhere says that it's best absorbed if you have fat in your diet, but how much (grams, % of diet, etc)? I'm asking because I don't currently eat a lot of fat and I'd like to only add what I need to.

[Rant/Rave] Recovery
Created: Mon Mar 6 20:45:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xy5sh/recovery/

[Rant/Rave] Do those flavor blasted® xtra cheddar® goldfish have crack in them?
/u/diekorrekturen [5'6.5 | 130 | 20.6 | GW: 110 | -26 | 21F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 20:34:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xy3qe/do_those_flavor_blasted_xtra_cheddar_goldfish/
Because what else can explain me binging on those fucking crackers no less than three times this week?

I nearly had a panic attack today because the size 4 jeans I was wearing, which fit fine ~2 weeks ago, are now wayyy too fucking tight. and i'm still *forcing* myself not to go to the rite aid next door to buy more and binge.

[Rant/Rave] Tried to recover on my own and gained 15 pounds, hate myself (before/after included)
/u/everlastingethereal [5'4.5" | LW: 96 | CW and HW: 111 :( | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 20:26:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xy2cd/tried_to_recover_on_my_own_and_gained_15_pounds/

[Rant/Rave] I want go to swim
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 20:23:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xy1t8/i_want_go_to_swim/
I love swimmjng. I'm not very good at it, but it's one of my favorite activities. However, I haven't been in the water for about a year now. My ED won't let me.

I'm so scared of people seeing me in a swimsuit. I'm scared of people looking at me in disgust, of being one of those landwhales people call home about.

I just want to go swim so badly. It clears my head. Of all the things my ED could've taken and ruined, why this?


[Discussion] Why is it easier to stick to 600 calories than 1900?
Created: Mon Mar 6 20:14:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xy04w/why_is_it_easier_to_stick_to_600_calories_than/
I find that if I pick a "reasonable" number of calories, which for me according to My Fitness Pal is just over 1900, it's *impossible* to stick to it. I always end up eating 2100-2200 calories.

If I try to stick to a number that to most outside this sub seems abnormal, like 600 calories, I easily meet it.

I think it's that the 1900 number seems so big, I think I can eat anything. But 1900 calories of cheese fries is basically nothing.

With 600, I know basically many foods are a no-go. There will be no bread. No dairy. No grilled chicken breast for dinner.

Today I had a breakfast of coffee with a dash of cashew milk. Lunch was a CRAP TON of fruit. (There is a Whole Foods near my work which is amazing.) Dinner was chicken noodle soup. The total calorie count is 394, and I honestly feel like I *feasted* today.

Tomorrow I'll probably stick to coffee for breakfast, have a lunch of raw zucchini and tomatoes with a little vinegar (again Whole Foods salad bar ftw) and maybe I'll even splurge with an entire pint of Halo Top.

[Rant/Rave] I had a breakdown at the grocery store [rant]
/u/mcac [5'7" | 159.6 | 25.00 | -110.4lb | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 19:38:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxtnr/i_had_a_breakdown_at_the_grocery_store_rant/
My bf knows about my ED and is super supportive and encouraging so for him I have been trying to eat more normally lately. I am still restricting but I'm trying to stay in the 800-1000 cal range with no more fasting. It's been really hard for me to eat that much but I've been managing.

We spent the day together yesterday and I had expected we would eventually go out to dinner or something but by the time we got around to dinner it was pretty late and the only thing open was the grocery store. I figured I would be ok if I just got my usual frozen meal + a pint of Halo Top which ends up being around 800 calories and feels safe for me. But my bf suggested it would be better if I got "something healthier".

He was genuinely trying to be helpful, but that seriously ruined me. I no longer had a safe plan for what to buy and the huge amount of options at grocery stores is so overwhelming for me. It didn't help that he also didn't know what he wanted so he was aimlessly wandering around the store trying to figure out what he wanted to eat. Eventually we ended up in the bakery area by the bread and cookies and I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. He could tell I was upset and I asked if we could just leave ASAP. I ended up not getting anything.

When we got to the car I totally broke down and started crying. Once I calmed down I explained what was going on and how his unintentional food policing affected me. And how upset I was that I wanted to eat but ended up with nothing due to my stupid anxiety. He apologized and said it was ok and he was still proud of me for trying and was just super supportive and amazing as he usually is. I am honestly so lucky to have him and I feel like I don't deserve it.

I thought I was getting better but I don't think I realized how bad my fear of food had gotten until last night. I wish I could just be a normal person who can just eat a fucking meal without needing to plan it out days in advance or have panic attacks at the fucking grocery store.

[Discussion] Why does the scale stay low, but I look like I weigh so much?
Created: Mon Mar 6 19:36:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxt3t/why_does_the_scale_stay_low_but_i_look_like_i/

[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] i wish food didn't exist
/u/thukui [5'3 | CW 108 | GW 88 | 21F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 19:15:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxp9j/rantrave_i_wish_food_didnt_exist/
why does it have to be all or nothing with me. my stomach either hurts from not eating for days or eating everything i can get my hands on. why can't i just eat normally?
i wished i just sucked up energy from the sun or something. fml

[Goal] Let's make an exercise goal and come back and write about it when we're done.
Created: Mon Mar 6 19:10:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxof3/lets_make_an_exercise_goal_and_come_back_and/
I'm gonna go drink some coffee, even though it's like 6pm, then get bundled up to go for a walk, and my goal is to get...
20k steps in.

I'm so disgusted and upset with myself. I feel like I'm going crazy. Every day has been the same. I'm only getting older. I'm young and able-bodied, why can I do anything right!?

I need to live my life. And finally getting skinny is the first step there.

(Also going to try to get prozac tomorrow, if anyone had experience with it let me know. Something is wrong with me.)

edit: no flair, fucking mobile

[Discussion] Boyfriend broke up with me
Created: Mon Mar 6 18:54:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxl7p/boyfriend_broke_up_with_me/
So today was a binge day. How can I keep myself on track while dealing with the heartbreak? My first response to dealing with sadness is to eat...

He is my first love :( thanks for any and all replies. <3

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo. This is unreal.
Created: Mon Mar 6 18:46:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxjnz/daily_thinspo_this_is_unreal/

Thoughts on diet pop?
Created: Mon Mar 6 18:26:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxg1c/thoughts_on_diet_pop/

[Rant/Rave] Stepped on the new scale...
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:114.2🌸 BMI:20.2🌙 -30.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Mon Mar 6 18:17:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxeba/stepped_on_the_new_scale/
So some of you guys know I was totally shitting myself about the scale arriving from Amazon. It's a smart scale or some shit, so you step on these metal parts and it tells you your weight, body fat %, water %, bone mass, BMR, and tons of other shit. I was terrified because I'd been mini-bingeing at night after restricting all day. A couple of you suggested doing high restriction and eating 3 times a day, so I started doing that. I feel fatter than ever, and despite working out a ton I feel like I look like a jiggly wet noodle. I'm bloated because my period is on it's way and constipated from restricting. TL;DR: I feel and look like shit.

I was SO sure I had gained 5 lbs because of hormone-related water weight. I always bloat like crazy before my period. But I sucked it up, and stepped on the scale anyway. And I fucking lost a pound! 123.8 - 122.8 exactly, and that's with all the water weight! So it's possible I'll be even less here in a few days once the bloating goes down. Also, my BMR is apparently like 1700 calories, but there's no way that's true I feel like. Body fat is at 20%, so I've still got a lot of work to do. I'm so fucking excited though, and really pleased we got that scale.

[Help] My coworker brought in pastries and it triggered a full on binge and now I'm so so so depressed
Created: Mon Mar 6 18:03:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxbol/my_coworker_brought_in_pastries_and_it_triggered/

How do you keep from gaining when you eat more calories than usual? :(
Created: Mon Mar 6 17:55:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxa8z/how_do_you_keep_from_gaining_when_you_eat_more/

[Rant/Rave] I hate this cycle
/u/borrow_our_light [5'6| 132.2lbs | 21.42 BMI | GW 125 | UGW 115 | 20F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 16:38:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xwuy7/i_hate_this_cycle/
For the past month I've been gaining and loosing the same 5 pounds. I get to my new low weight and then I binge for like 5 days and I go right back up to a number that literally throws me into a breakdown. Then I fast for a week and I'm back down. Over and over agin I hate it.

I would rather just plateau, even though that's frustrating too. At least I wouldn't find myself on my bathroom floor crying as much though.

On mobile can't flair

[Rant/Rave] I guess I need my good police bf after all
Created: Mon Mar 6 15:30:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xwfyx/i_guess_i_need_my_good_police_bf_after_all/
I'm such a failure. I caved and ate the food I was acting all badass about not needing to be policed on. I guess lll just listen to my bf and not get anything that can trigger me. I always think I'm stronger/tougher than I am.

Mobile no flair

Was the restaurant wrong?
Created: Mon Mar 6 14:08:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xvx8r/was_the_restaurant_wrong/

[Help] In recovery but can't let go?
Created: Mon Mar 6 13:10:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xvk6m/in_recovery_but_cant_let_go/
I'm in inpatient and being discharged on Wednesday but I just can't seem to let go of Ana? I know that it's going to take time to recover but I don't know if I want to wait that time... I'm on the lower side of the healthy range for my weight so they don't want me to gain or lose but I really still want to lose despite the fact that now I know that anorexia has fucked with my heart even at a healthy weight.

Walking/biking for weight-loss? (hear me out)
Created: Mon Mar 6 12:46:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xvejs/walkingbiking_for_weightloss_hear_me_out/

[Discussion] [Discussion] Have any of you gotten plastic surgery?
/u/retrosensibility [5'3 | CW 118 | GW 100 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 12:35:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xvbtx/discussion_have_any_of_you_gotten_plastic_surgery/
I've lurked for a while but I created an account finally, so hi everyone!

I'm considering plastic surgery (breast lift, potentially a nose job later) and I wanted to know if any of you had experience with the whole process. Any advice/recommendations would be appreciated!

[Rant/Rave] Weirdly supportive family rant
/u/spacebaconkitty [6'1" F | never good enough ]
Created: Mon Mar 6 12:26:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xv9sd/weirdly_supportive_family_rant/
Hi all, long time lurker here and super grateful for this group. <3 I'm 6'1" female and hoping to get to 140lbs like I used to be a few years ago before ballooning up to over 200 :((

The more weight I lose through severe restriction and purging only when I have a slip up, the more it seems my husband and family are supportive. When I ask him if he thinks I have ED (officially diagnosed 5 years ago for the first time), he doesn't think so and says he's proud of me for having more self control than he does. My parents think that purging and anorexia are "great for weight loss". Idk they're Polish...

The whole point is to look as sick on the outside as I do on the inside and they're cheering me on?!

Yes I should feel lucky and grateful that he lets me do whatever I want, but I wish he cared just a teensy bit that I haven't gone above 1200 calories without purging in months. (I'm breastfeeding 9mo twins so it's really not a lot).

Anyway, thanks for letting me get that off my chest

[Discussion] Do your safe foods change?
Created: Mon Mar 6 12:25:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xv9k6/do_your_safe_foods_change/

Skeleton Song- Kate Nash
Created: Mon Mar 6 12:14:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xv6xk/skeleton_song_kate_nash/

[Help] How many calories are in deli chicken?
Created: Mon Mar 6 11:36:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xuy3y/how_many_calories_are_in_deli_chicken/

[Help] Tips to get the "woosh"?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 11:35:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xuxyi/tips_to_get_the_woosh/

[Help] My sister keeps eating my diet food! Where can I hide stuff?
/u/pointmass [5'6" | 101.2 | 16.40 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 11:08:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xurpm/my_sister_keeps_eating_my_diet_food_where_can_i/
I'm not being selfish or anything (or maybe I am!) but my sister keeps eating my diet food... I don't have a lot of money, but what's worse is if I planned something for today and it's not there, my anxiety level goes through the roof! She eats my shirataki noodles, fat free cheese (which requires refrigeration), vegetables, low cal snacks... they're not super cheap or easy to get...

I don't want confrontation, I just want to be able to find a good place to "hide" my stuff from her... Putting things in my bedroom is not an option because we share a room... any ideas? I can stop worrying about cheese if I must. But I do love my shirataki noodles lol

Edit: She eats it regardless I put my name on it or not. She also calls me out to my parents if I don't share... She's super sweet but I'm worried about her developing ED as well. It's conflicting, really. :/ Whenever I ask her if she needed something when I go grocery shopping, she says no, but then she eats it from my "pile" anyway.

[Discussion] GW Rewards
/u/dirtandherbs [5'3 | CW 95 | GW 93 | BMI 16.8 | 23F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 11:03:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xuqml/gw_rewards/
Does anyone else reward themselves when they hit their next goal weight? I just hit 98 and rewarded myself by buying a couple pairs of size 0 jeggings and a new bikini. What do you do to reward yourself? Do you get new clothes, or treat yourselves in other ways? I used to buy clothes to fit in later, but that just made me feel worse about myself so I saved buying smaller clothes until after I hit my GW. What tactics do you use to reward yourself/work toward your GW?

[Tip] Fasting mimicking diet lowered risk factors for heart disease, cancer, diabetes and other age-related diseases.
/u/TrappedInAWindow [5'3" | 121 | 21.4 | -16 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 10:11:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xuf2b/fasting_mimicking_diet_lowered_risk_factors_for/

A post of mine got removed?
Created: Mon Mar 6 09:18:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xu3ct/a_post_of_mine_got_removed/

[Rant/Rave] I want to purge so badly, fuck my life
Created: Mon Mar 6 08:58:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xtz6l/i_want_to_purge_so_badly_fuck_my_life/

[Other] I'm a substitute teacher.
Created: Mon Mar 6 08:46:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xtwse/im_a_substitute_teacher/
Today I'm subbing for high school health and of course it's the eating disorder unit...

They're watching this cheesy-ass movie on ED and I'm just sitting up here pretending I'm not the bulimic elephant in the room.

[Rant/Rave] I am bad with titles [RANT]☆☆
Created: Mon Mar 6 08:29:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xtt6h/i_am_bad_with_titles_rant/

[Discussion] DAE only eat mono meals?
/u/edub12345 [5'6 | 132 | 21.3| -13lbs | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 07:43:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xtk35/dae_only_eat_mono_meals/
I am only able to eat one food item during my meals. I am running a lot and doing high restriction (1200 calories) but every meal I eat is 400 calories of one item. For example, I can only eat 400 calories of eggs for breakfast, 400 calories of chicken for lunch, and 400 calories of cottage cheese for dinner. Lately, combining foods at all will lead me to b/p. Has anyone else experienced this?

[Other] It's monday and I'm cheering on you!
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 108lb | UGW 98lb |F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 07:43:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xtk1v/its_monday_and_im_cheering_on_you/
After a week of fucking up myself, it's finally monday and I'm set on getting back on track. It's a new week, it's a new chance.

So whatever goals you've set for this week, whatever plans you have, whatever happens, know that I am cheering on you, and hope this week brings good things for you all <3

[Help] Gain weight when sick?
Created: Mon Mar 6 06:58:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xtbz8/gain_weight_when_sick/

How to keep losing when you're out of the house all day?
Created: Mon Mar 6 06:46:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xta47/how_to_keep_losing_when_youre_out_of_the_house/

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! March 06, 2017
Created: Mon Mar 6 05:10:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xsvu9/weekly_stats_update_march_06_2017/
This is the weekly status thread for March 06, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 06, 2017
Created: Mon Mar 6 05:10:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xsvtn/daily_food_diary_march_06_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 06, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Discussion] Temporarily uneven fat distribution when experiencing weight gain during/after restricting - is this true, is it a thing? Do you have any experiences?
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Mon Mar 6 04:39:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xsrw1/temporarily_uneven_fat_distribution_when/
Okay so I've posted a lot about my recent three month binge fest. I gained a lot of weight.

But my shoulders, upperback/shoulderblades and collarbone seem to be excessively boney compared to the rest of me. I look chubby/fat all over.. besides there. They are definitely covered in more fat than they were, but it's totally out of proportion. My legs are a bit more proportionate (CHUBBY) but still seem to be a little leaner compared to how fat the rest of me has become. Arms even more proportionate still (FAT) buttt perhaps still a little leaner.

It seems that most of the fat has gone to my face, stomach, and hip area (but my butt is still dead flat lolol cry). Like.. a *lot* of fat. (I've been restricting again 2 weeks, so water retention isn't an issue anymore).

Now, I've read a lot online about how this weird fat distribution is normal when people who restrict/"starve"/had anorexia regain weight for whatever reason through whatever means. Apparently it's temporary, and eventually if you DONT RELAPSE!!!!1 it evens out and your midsection, face etc get slimmer, and the rest of you fills out in proportion.

Sounds great, I've even spoken about the phenomenon here I think, but very recently I'm finding myself feeling that it's hard to believe (at least as a thing that might have happened to me). 2 thoughts:

1) They're lying about 'temporary bad redistribution' to stop people like me from 'relapsing' due to the fact that this fat distribution upon being a higher weight is actually 'normal' for some people, but obviously unfortunate... and so obviously would never 'redistribute', this is just how my body is.

2) Even if true, I never "starved" enough to get this weird distribution upon weight 'regain' (I was never diagnosed with anorexia, or diagnosed with anything tbh). My low weight was only ever so slightly underweight - although the fact that my starting weight was very high might mean something I dunno

3) I'm only imagining my shoulders and collarbone as bonier to make myself feel better about getting fat, when in reality they are fat too.

Eurgh. It doesn't matter anyway, as I am back to restricting either way, but I still wanted to post here to get some experiences and perspectives on this phenomenon, whether it ACTUALLY happens, and so maybe I can figure out if this is why my shoulders look great (I think) but the rest of me looks like a walruses arse.

I'm mostly upset about my face. I can't hide that under baggy t-shirts, at least not without looking like a weirdo.

[Rant/Rave] has anyone intentionally bought clothes that are too small?
/u/laughingtothebeat [5'2 | 108 lbs | 20.46 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 03:17:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xsihd/has_anyone_intentionally_bought_clothes_that_are/
I just bought a skirt that is too small and at first it seemed like a great idea to motivate myself. now I just feel guilty, because I bought it while out shopping with my mom so she paid for it and I feel so horrible and awful for doing this!!!

A lot of food
Created: Mon Mar 6 02:41:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xsee1/a_lot_of_food/

[Goal] I'm on a plane heading to spring break with 10 friends, all I can think about is I failed at meeting my goal weight
/u/crumpet9 [5'3 | cw: 105.2 | gw: nothing | 20f]
Created: Mon Mar 6 02:38:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xse0h/im_on_a_plane_heading_to_spring_break_with_10/
Spring break was my goal to reach 101. Honestly I would have made it but I had really bad stress and two vacations in 2 weeks + my period so I've ballooned up. I feel disgusting. I'm with my 10 closest friends and I should be stoked and super ready except I'm literally sitting on the plane typing this because I hate how bad I failed. We aren't going to a beach town but we are going somewhere warm with a pool and everyone plans on swimming. I packed so many bathing suits at the beginning of the semester but now I've only packed one and i'm 99.9% sure I won't wear it at all. Most of my friends are skinny and gorgeous and I have never felt more awful. I'm also super sick (sore throat) so purging will make me feel like even more shit if I go that route. Thank god I packed a bunch of Bronkaid though so I plan to EC stack nonstop and hopefully by tomorrow or the third day I'll stop feeling as disgusting as I feel right now. Not worried about my friends noticing bc they're all chill about people skipping meals and we'll be drinking lots anyways so I doubt they'll worry. Honestly they're all amazing and wouldn't care what I looked like in a bathing suit but I just can't get over this "failure" . Sigh, oh well. Thanks for letting me rant!

Also, mods on mobile so please flair as rant/rave

[Help] could I please have a calorie estimate for this sweet potato? don't have scales at the moment! banana for scale
Created: Mon Mar 6 01:58:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xs9q0/could_i_please_have_a_calorie_estimate_for_this/

[Discussion] Has being underweight made you more anxious?
Created: Mon Mar 6 01:05:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xs433/has_being_underweight_made_you_more_anxious/
I would consider myself a naturally relaxed person. I used to be great at not letting stress get to me, and never really felt fazed by anything. This was true from when my BMI was in the healthy range until somewhere around 16, maybe 15.

Now I find that stress is much more overwhelming. It's harder to deal with unexpected situations, and I get way too worked up about things that don't matter all that much. I feel frustrated with myself for this.

What correlations have you noticed between your BMI and ability to deal with anxiety? Do you think the link is more physiological or mental?

[Help] It's all or nothing with me and I hate it. (Help me break the binging cycle)
Created: Mon Mar 6 00:42:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xs1gm/its_all_or_nothing_with_me_and_i_hate_it_help_me/

I have never really done anything like this before, or have tried putting my thoughts into words? (Also this is long, sorry)
Created: Mon Mar 6 00:29:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xs00s/i_have_never_really_done_anything_like_this/

[Rant/Rave] Help, I need someone to listen because I've never told anyone this before
/u/doiresetthebox [Height 6'1| Gender M]
Created: Sun Mar 5 22:21:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xriqt/help_i_need_someone_to_listen_because_ive_never/
I'm a guy and been struggling with binging, purging, and fasting for at least 6 years and my weight fluctuates from 170-220lbs at 6'1.

At 170 I didn't go to the gym and had no muscle but now I weigh 205 and go to the gym 5 times a week. I know if I can get to 170 again by mid summer, I'd look a lot better than before at the same weight.

The problem is I'd go through days of fasting then I'd binge due to not eating making me depressed and anxious then I'd get even more depressed after binging. Also the fact that I still talk to my ex because we broke up due to her moving across the country causes my mood to fluctuate since she started "seeing" a guy.

It's midnight and I'm on my third day of fasting, the only problem is the weird taste in my mouth and having trouble sleeping before 4am and I have an 8:30 class tomorrow. I don't know why I'm writing all this, I'm feeling really bad mentally and I really need help motivating me not to binge soon. I hate being obese and having an ED because I feel like if I actually had an ED, I wouldn't be obese.

I just want to be 170 again and I feel like it shouldn't even be hard for normal people because that is only 22.4 BMI and that isn't even close to being underweight.

I've been keeping my calorie intake under 1000 calories for 2 weeks now and haven't lost shit
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 21:44:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xrcy5/ive_been_keeping_my_calorie_intake_under_1000/

hi i'm new
Created: Sun Mar 5 21:26:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xra57/hi_im_new/

[Rant/Rave] Measurements smaller but can't see it
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW104 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 20:19:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xqzh9/measurements_smaller_but_cant_see_it/
I feel like I'm posting a lot lately so sorry about that.

Anyhow, a few weeks ago I decided I was going to try and eat at maintenance and that lasted for all of 3 days. Since then I've been trying to go back to restricting and I feel like a complete failure because most days I've been above my goal intake. I've been convinced I've gained weight but I don't have access to a scale and I've been too scared to measure myself until about two minutes ago.

So I finally decided to measure myself even though I was certain I would hate the result because I can tell that I'm bloated. My waist is the smallest it has ever been my adult life. It's officially 6.5 inches smaller than when I first started losing weight and 1 inch smaller since I last weighed myself 4 weeks ago. Which yay, that's great right?

Except I can't fucking see the difference in the mirror and I'm just sitting in my room sobbing. Like I've clearly never been thinner, I probably lost weight so I can safely step on the scale in my university's wellness center. But I just can't see it. And if I can't see it what if no one else does? And I know this isn't true because my friends have said I've lost weight and my coworkers have said I'm thinner but I just can't understand why I can't see it and I don't know why but that really upsets me.

[Rant/Rave] Restricting for my mom
Created: Sun Mar 5 20:02:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xqwki/restricting_for_my_mom/
I've been in binge mode for like 2 weeks, I go back home from school for break on Friday so I'm trying to restrict super hard so that my mom won't be a bitch.

When I'm skinnier she is salty, passive aggressive, and dare I say, jealous, meanwhile most mothers show concern when their child's weight drops a crap ton in a short period of time, but what do I know?

And when I'm on the higher end of a normal BMI range she'll comment and try to guess my weight guessing numbers that are like 20 pounds higher than what I weigh because she's a bitch.

So anyway I'll be restricting super hard this week because my mother is literally a monster.
Part of me thinks she might not even make her little comments because I exploded on her last time I was home and she seemed to show remorse of some sort...but idk

Weight gain after shower?
Created: Sun Mar 5 19:53:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xquz1/weight_gain_after_shower/

[Rant/Rave] I'm giving up on recovery because it seems as though my girlfriend has, too.
/u/star-of-morning [5'1" | no clue | went to treatment | send help]
Created: Sun Mar 5 19:50:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xquhv/im_giving_up_on_recovery_because_it_seems_as/
Some of you may not remember me since I haven't been posting on this sub as frequently since I got out of treatment for my ED in the summer. But I've posted before about my live-in girlfriend who also has an eating disorder.

I've had small periods of restriction since getting out of treatment and it would always hurt my girlfriend's feelings when I did. So I would stop. But for the past month or so I've been trying to lose weight the "healthy way" to appease my girlfriend. I've been eating probably 800-1200 calories on any given day and getting exercise 5 out of 7 days a week. I don't weigh myself but my clothes are a little looser. Would I love to go back to restricting to lose weight and be bony and feel happy and in control of my life? Sure. But my girlfriend doesn't allow it.

She's unhappy with her weight and ignores all my attempts to help her lose weight in a healthy manner, as *I've* been doing for the sake of our relationship. But she doesn't want to. She doesn't want slow weight loss. She wants to lose "40 pounds in 40 days" (let's be real, even with restriction that wouldn't happen unless she was morbidly obese, which she isn't). So, as of today, she's stopped eating. She's had a few grapes and like 3 pickles.

This is a big slap in the face to me. What a hypocrite. I can't get myself to break up with her but I guess *both* of us restricting is going to lead to that. So basically, I should care about our relationship and not restrict, but for some reason she's allowed to restrict, not give a shit about our relationship, not care about my recovery and expect me not to restrict AND stay in this relationship?

I'm so angry and I'm so hurt and I know what I'm doing is so passive aggressive but I can't help but feel betrayed and invalidated.


[Discussion] DAE not have a problem including sweets?
/u/shiver23 [5'5.5 | CW: 134 lbs l UGW: 120><105 lbs l -16 lbs | 25F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 19:21:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xqpki/dae_not_have_a_problem_including_sweets/
TRIGGER WARNING obvi because of sweets.

I feel like the odd one out here, but does anyone else not have an issue including some sweets in their diet?

I'm not talking straight sugar candy or anything excessive. My eating habits just still include granola bars & oreo thins & the occasional chocolate bar if I've been good.

I do my best to ensure I get enough veggies, fruit & protein first before having my chocolate fix, but if I denied myself sweets I think that would cause more binges rather than my mostly successful restriction habit.

I still stay the hell away from ice cream & french fries though. Sweet potato fries are a blessing!

Men/ftm trans?
Created: Sun Mar 5 18:12:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xqdfd/menftm_trans/

[Rant/Rave] Guilt and Motivation
/u/witchy2628 [5'3 | CW: 145.8| SW:190| 23f]
Created: Sun Mar 5 16:56:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xpzla/guilt_and_motivation/
So my bff and I both discovered that the other has an eating disorder. One on hand I'm super excited to have an irl person to talk to about it and share tips, but on the other hand I don't want her to be unhealthy (even though I am). Also...she's my goal weight and I'm super jealous and that also makes me feel guilty.
Just had to vent, mobile no flair

[Intro] Annnnnnd I'm back
/u/_linstroq [5'7|CW:126|BMI:19|GW:99]
Created: Sun Mar 5 16:52:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xpz0w/annnnnnd_im_back/
Hello darkness my old friend. Former frequent lurker around these parts checking in once again. Tried to get myself on the road to recovery but that didn't work. Oh well. Maybe this time i'll actually die from it and reach my GW of zero pounds. Kidding. Anyway, just saying it's good to be back (kinda).

[Rant/Rave] So am I just going to be some kind of chocolate junkie forever?
Created: Sun Mar 5 16:51:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xpyxb/so_am_i_just_going_to_be_some_kind_of_chocolate/
Seriously. Why does it have to be like this? I honestly feel like some kind of addict when it comes to this shit. Day we going pretty damn good. I binged yesterday, but hey, last weekend I was on day 2 of hinging by Saturday. Up until a few minutes ago I was about to finish today at a deficit. Fucking nope. Mam, in her benevolence, made this huge brownie thing. I actually didn't even think about it all that much all day. Then suddenly it was just *there*. Dunno about calories from it, all I know is that I'm truly fucked when it comes to chocolate. Like why? Why does it have such a hold over me? I fucking hate it. I'm at my lowest weight since I was about 8. I look fantastic. Why am I so desperate to throw it away?

Sometimes I truly wish I could just be addicted to something simple. Cuz that's what this fucking feels like. It's so embarrassing.

[Rant/Rave] My bf is the food police
Created: Sun Mar 5 16:42:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xpx9t/my_bf_is_the_food_police/
I went to the store today and got normal stuff and got some gummy bears. I love to melt them in the microwave and eat them. He looked at me and said "baby why did you get those?" It was like a look of total disappointment. Idk it pissed me off. I told him not to police what I eat. He's trying to help me,by I have my calorie budget and plan. He doesn't understand that the gummy bears are like my dinner. I'm not just sitting around eating them all day like a huge couch potato.

Anyone else with this issue ?

Mobile no flair

[Rant/Rave] My tempermental scale said I had lost 30 pounds since this morning
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 204.6 lbs | -70.4lbs | GW: 115 | 26F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 16:36:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xpw1u/my_tempermental_scale_said_i_had_lost_30_pounds/
Cue panic attack and excitement just seeing the numbers that low... despite knowing my kids had just moved it and messed it up.

[Rant/Rave] Fucked up, twice.
Created: Sun Mar 5 15:48:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xpn5d/fucked_up_twice/
In the grand scheme of things what I did was actually somewhat healthy. I told my partner about my relapse, ate normally last night and binged today (okay that last part is not somewhat healthy).

I feel fucking horrible. Emotionally and physically wrecked. I don't want to be alone and I don't want anyone to see me. I just want to cry and hide and sleep.

Tomorrow is a new day. A new day that marks the start of a 72hr fast and no sugar.

[Rant/Rave] "You're heavier then you used to be..." Jesus Christ, how noticeable IS three pounds?!
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Sun Mar 5 15:39:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xplbn/youre_heavier_then_you_used_to_be_jesus_christ/
Yeah, no more messing around. I need to stop living in denial.

[Thinspo] Thinspo Playlist II
/u/shiver23 [5'5.5 | CW: 134 lbs l UGW: 120><105 lbs l -16 lbs | 25F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 15:37:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xpkzt/thinspo_playlist_ii/

[Thinspo] Great Thinspo Playlist <3
/u/shiver23 [5'5.5 | CW: 134 lbs l UGW: 120><105 lbs l -16 lbs | 25F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 15:07:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xpf3t/great_thinspo_playlist_3/

[Help] NEED to lose 10 lbs in a week, will this strategy work?
/u/couldbefatter [5'2" | 109]
Created: Sun Mar 5 14:25:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xp6ta/need_to_lose_10_lbs_in_a_week_will_this_strategy/

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] MRW I see people gaining weight on r/progresspics
Created: Sun Mar 5 13:43:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xoyfd/mrw_i_see_people_gaining_weight_on_rprogresspics/

[Other] The Year My Body Shrank- a woman working in the fashion magazine industry starts experiencing sudden unexplained weight loss, losing 20% of her body weight (description in comments)
Created: Sun Mar 5 13:42:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xoydg/the_year_my_body_shrank_a_woman_working_in_the/

[Rant/Rave] bmi back in the 15s!
/u/anorexic666 [5'4 | CW: 89.8 | LW: 83 | UGW: 80]
Created: Sun Mar 5 13:36:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xox88/bmi_back_in_the_15s/
i've dropped a lot of weight back recently now that i'm out of php and despite my parents pretty strict observation. i'm really happy about it! i'm officially 9 pounds from my old low weight and 12 from my ugw. :)

mind my hideous feet: http://imgur.com/a/eQ14a

[Discussion] Do you think its possible to stay sick forever?
Created: Sun Mar 5 13:20:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xou02/do_you_think_its_possible_to_stay_sick_forever/
I have an ED. I never plan on getting help for it - like ever. No therapy, no hospitals, etc. I've been underweight, I've had electrolyte imbalances, palpitations, shortness of breath, laxative addiction, and more. Now I'm having binges and purges that can go up to 3,000+ calories and considering restricting again. But I never plan on getting any type of help. I would refuse at the simple mention of it and I have before. It's just not for me and I don't see how other people can go through with it. I plan on accepting it as a permanent disability in my life that I'll keep a secret from now on. I would even hide it from any future SO and family definitely. I've hid it pretty well and nobody but 2 friends have known. Do you think what I'm trying to do is possible, or just a plan that'll fall to shambles?

[Rant/Rave] What the hell just happened
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: a nice body | -35 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 12:55:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xoovj/what_the_hell_just_happened/
I'm bloated as heck and on my period and I feel FAT. I've been rotating in and out of potential outfits for about two hours, crying because I look so fat in everything. Jesus christ. I'm panicking, thinking I must've gained weight and stuff and I finally decide to try on this XS grey v-neck I haven't dared touch because it'll be skintight and show off my really gross body.

I was desperate though, and I finally tried it on and.. All of the sudden I'm skinny. Arms skinny, small waist, and my thighs still big but they look proportional. And it's a tight fitting long sleeve.

This is so stupid, tbh. Why do i go through so much pain to find an outfit everyday

[Other] The Year My Body Shrank- a woman working in the fashion magazine industry starts experiencing sudden unexplained weight loss, losing 20% of her body weight
Created: Sun Mar 5 12:29:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xoju6/the_year_my_body_shrank_a_woman_working_in_the/

[Discussion] What are your daily rules?
/u/Mi__ra [165cm |51 kg | 19 | 7 kg | F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 12:23:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xoiiw/what_are_your_daily_rules/
We all probably have a lot of rules, but I was just wondering if you have some rules that you *always* follow? Even when you can't eat/exercise/etc. the way you'd want to, stuff that you do or don't do, no matter what? Parents are visiting, you're spending a weekend at your friend's place, situations like that?

For example, I exercise for at least 30 minutes everyday. Most days more, but that 30 minutes is my minimum that I follow when I have a hangover or a flu or am really busy or tired.

[Other] [Other] Some mornings (a poem)
Created: Sun Mar 5 11:43:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xoamp/other_some_mornings_a_poem/
Some mornings
I wake up at 5:45
Because I want breakfast

Because my body is foolish, and thinks it can win
This battle of strengths between stomach and mind
Because the night before last night's dinner wasn't enough
So now the walls within me are churning against each other
Complaining so loudly I'm startled from sleep
Because I'm feeling hungry
So I stay in bed.

Some mornings
I wake up at 5:45
Because I need to move

Because my room hasn't been cleaned in a month
When my parents will be here tomorrow
Because I have a test next week and haven't studied enough
So now the voices within me battle against each other
Exclaiming so loudly I'm startled from sleep
Because I'm feeling anxious
So I stay in bed.

Some mornings
I wake up at 5:45
Because I'm depressed

Because I'm feeling empty
So I stay in bed.

Created: Sun Mar 5 11:05:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xo39k/purging/

[Thinspo] Kimiperi. ^*^ Daily Thinspo
Created: Sun Mar 5 10:38:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xny1k/kimiperi_daily_thinspo/

[Help] Transitional clothing?
Created: Sun Mar 5 08:48:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xndej/transitional_clothing/
Hi guys. Lately I've been doing awesome and things are really changing, but I would like some input into what everyone does regarding clothing? Not necessarily body hiding tricks, but clothing for when you are rapidly losing weight and need new, but don't want to invest until you have hit your GW.

[Discussion] DAE like bones and skeletons?
Created: Sun Mar 5 08:15:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xn7ti/dae_like_bones_and_skeletons/

[Rant/Rave] Bought a scale...freaking out.
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:114.2🌸 BMI:20.2🌙 -30.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Sun Mar 5 07:30:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xn0sf/bought_a_scalefreaking_out/
I've mentioned before that we don't have a working scale in the house because SIL is anorexic. We do have one, but it's a rickety old thing with a needle that sits on 5lbs when nothing's standing on it. So nobody really uses it, including myself. But buying a new one was off-limits, since SIL.

BUT. Fiancé, who has recently joined me in my quest to lose weight, agreed that we could buy a nice fancy new one and just put it in our wing of the house :D. Yay! I don't know exactly which one he got, but apparently it's digital and connects to it's own app + MFP, and also has a body fat % reader and some other fancy modes and stuff. I'm pretty pumped.

Since he's a saint, he also ordered me a variety pack of like 16 different face masks, 2 pairs cute shorts that fit (since my old ones are too big), and cuticle cream. I think he knows I've been feeling pretty ugly lately (broke = all my clothes and makeup are old and/or cheap, nothing I have fits, my face has been breaking out, etc) and he's made this huge effort to raise my self-esteem which is really sweet because he knows just what I like. Yesterday he took me to Sephora so I could use a giftcard I had, and he bought me my favorite lipstick (*Lolita* by Kat Von D) and even got some samples and bought some stuff himself! It was so cute I had to take a picture of our [his & hers Sephora haul.](http://i.imgur.com/VN4bM0e.png)

But I'm freaking out. I think the scale is gonna get here today and I'm so anxious about using it because I *know* I've gained weight. I ate like 1300 calories yesterday and 1200 the day before, and I'm retaining water from that + my period being about to start. I can't not use it, or he'll think I don't like it but I can't use it and freak out or he'll worry, but if I use it and have to update my flair to like 127 I'm gonna fucking die. I will just die.

All of this comes from me being a dumbass and trying to skip breakfast and lunch and then eat a tiny dinner. That never works, and by dinner I'm ready to eat an entire farm, which I then do. And then the next day, I feel guilty. So I don't eat breakfast or lunch, and then I do it again. Rinse and repeat until fat(ter).

So today, despite the fact that my brain is like, "HEY. Burn 300 calories on the elliptical and then eat nothing until after you've weighed yourself!" I'm not going to do that. I'm going to eat my small breakfast and small lunch, and work out, and hope for the best. Yes, the scale will show it. But tomorrow there won't be a binge showing on it.

*Uuuuuughhhhhh* pray for me, y'all.

EDIT: And I'm also gonna stop tracking my exercise in MFP. I'll track it on my tumblr, but when I add it to MFP it just subtracts those calories from what I've eaten and I end up feeling like I can eat more and it just never ends well. Wish I could turn the "subtract exercise calories from total" setting off =/

[Rant/Rave] |Rant| How the fuck did I gain
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |131.4| WL: 88.6 |GW: 110|19A]
Created: Sun Mar 5 06:09:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xmpm2/rant_how_the_fuck_did_i_gain/
ahahaha, hello again. Guess who stopped posting but never really left?

I've had a bad few days with my depression but I was really set on the fact that I was still ending the week with an average of 900. /I've been gradually tryin to become okay with a 'slow burn' or 1000 per week but fuck that now obviously/ I even made a food log on Instagram to hold myself accountable. *cough anonfooddiary coughcough*

I weighed myself after a huge BM yesterday/who hasn't/ and it had said that I had gained three pounds! So I hop off and try to salvage what's left of my mood, blaming a sodium bloat from the day before, blaming anything I can think of to keep myself calm. This morning I wake up early after a slightly more restrictive day and lo and behold, I notice my scale wobbling a bit as I step on. My bathroom floor is un.fucking.even. I rush out of the bathroom in my underwear, scale in hand, straight into my mom who, of course, woke up early to use the bathroom today of all days. I put the scale on my bedroom floor and make sure all of the corners touch the ground by obsessively poking it. Underwear off, step on....calibrating.......


Four ounces higher than I what I was last week. How long have I been fatter than I thought? I don't want to let this affect me but ugh! It won't leave my head. I feel like a complete failure. It's only four ounces but it was everything to me this week; I really needed to see a loss to prove that I can still lose weight right at least. But no! Nope. Nada. Negatory. Goose eggs. Nothin.

[Sticky] (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
Created: Sun Mar 5 05:08:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xmipi/ノヮノ゚_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
Happy Sunday March 05, 2017~

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 05, 2017
Created: Sun Mar 5 05:08:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xmip4/daily_food_diary_march_05_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 05, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[discussion] binging every time I hit a new low weight.
Created: Sun Mar 5 03:27:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xm8ur/discussion_binging_every_time_i_hit_a_new_low/
Recently I've been sucked into a binge/restrict cycle. Every time I hit a new low weight, I binge like mad and then work for a week to lose what I gained. On the whole, I'm losing much more slowly than I would like (side note, getting married in 8 months). Does anyone else do this self sabotage? How do you get out of this cycle? I'm getting married in 8 months and want / need to hit my gw.

I might have a parasite and I'm so mad
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 139.8 | 21.03 | -10.2 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 02:18:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xm24r/i_might_have_a_parasite_and_im_so_mad/
So TMI to the fuckin max pals

So long story short my poops haven't been looking normal in a while but I never really paid attention to it because I thought it was weird restriction/ed poops??? Anyways last night was particularity abnormal and I think I have a parasite (this isn't just me freaking out, I talked to my pharmacist who gave me OTC meds to help) and like I'm grossed out but mainly IM SO DAMN MAD ITS NOT THE TYPE OF PARASITE THAT MAKES YOU LOSE WEIGHT!!!! LIKE COME THE FUCK ON I HAVE TO DEAL WITH NASTIES INSIDE OF ME WITHOUT THE ONE SIDE EFFECT I WOULD ACTUALLY WANT


edit: formatting

MALE - Was 240 lb, then Lost ~80 lbs healthily. At 160 I still felt fat and Lost 33 more lbs un healthily.
/u/CharChar12 [5' 9.5 |160lbs|23.5| Male]
Created: Sun Mar 5 01:24:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xlx3d/male_was_240_lb_then_lost_80_lbs_healthily_at_160/

[Discussion] Anybody else recently gain 5-10 pounds?
Created: Sun Mar 5 00:11:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xlpro/anybody_else_recently_gain_510_pounds/

The worst purging pain I've ever felt
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 23:33:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xllgb/the_worst_purging_pain_ive_ever_felt/
I'm a chronic b/p'er.
I've been puking every day for a solid three years now.

Today while I was puking, a sudden pain shot through my back to my chest. Holy smokes it hurt so bad, like none other and it's been continuing all day. Eating/drinking is almost sore. It's like there's a huge metal spear through my back to my abs, and any movement strikes pain. It almost makes me want to stop.

Anyways, I'm in the bath now. Wonder how I'll feel tomorrow!

EDIT: I woke up this morning and the pain is much, much better. It's still sore, though.
I'm not sure why I posted this in the first place, but thanks to all those who cared. If it continues to hurt tomorrow or gets worse today I'll go to the ER<3

Created: Sat Mar 4 23:19:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xljul/sabotage/

Okay, but can we talk about bell peppers?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 22:10:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xlaxo/okay_but_can_we_talk_about_bell_peppers/
They're like fucking crack. They're so sweet and filling and they're just so good. I feel like it's a waste putting hummus on them, because they're just so pure in their own.

And - 40 cals per 100g. And it's not like that's a very small amount of bell pepper!

Dad went to the local store and got these massive bell peppers. I've been planning to munch on one for my lunch today. They're like 400g :')

What's your favorite vegetable?

[Rant/Rave] [rant] I'm waiting at a hotdog stand for my food.
Created: Sat Mar 4 21:55:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xl8vv/rant_im_waiting_at_a_hotdog_stand_for_my_food/

[Discussion] DAE feel their depression improve when restricting?
/u/edgecomplex [GW: Bony shoulders | 17F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 21:52:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xl8k7/dae_feel_their_depression_improve_when_restricting/
I imagine it goes both ways, but for me personally, I'll notice my mood improve drastically when I restrict, especially when I take a heavy calorie cut during a depressive episode. It's gotten to where I'll tell myself I can't eat or my depression will return, like restriction is a medicine I must take.

My guess would be either my brain is too preoccupied with food to recognize a mood disorder, or it's an extended high from seeing the number on the scale drop. Either way, I've began associating hunger with feeling better.

I need some advice. How do you not eat? Or stick to some diet. I always do well at first but then binge. Then comes the purge. I don't want to purge. I want to stick to the diet and not wreck my teeth. Suggestions?
Created: Sat Mar 4 21:22:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xl497/i_need_some_advice_how_do_you_not_eat_or_stick_to/

[Discussion] Transferring drug addictions into eating disorders
Created: Sat Mar 4 20:57:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xl0ph/transferring_drug_addictions_into_eating_disorders/
Has anyone else gone from having a drug addiction to having an eating disorder?

My first addiction was always food. I was an overweight kid who sought comfort in eating. But as I went into high school, my fascination with drugs developed, and it seems like my primary motivation for using drugs has always been to lose weight. In my junior year of high school I started smoking meth to lose weight. My meth use never turned into an addiction and I was able to stop after a few months of weekend use.

My freshman year of college I began using heroin. I still remember thinking, "heroin makes me feel queasy. If I feel queasy, I won't eat and will lose weight." It worked- kind of- but of course, a heroin addiction is a much different and sometimes more difficult problem to deal with than an ED.

After about three years of use I got clean. But now I've found myself cycling back to my eating disorder as a replacement self-destructive behavior that I can more easily engage in.

Has anyone else found drug use tying into their ED? Does anyone else use drugs to lose weight? Is anyone else in active addiction or recovery?

I wish I could stop doing this to myself. I've lost so much to my heroin addiction but I have have myself being drawn back to it recently.

Dating someone who is overweight
/u/CuppyCakesLovey [5'5 | CW:97 | BMI:16.14 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 19:02:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xkjjo/dating_someone_who_is_overweight/
Have only gone out with this sweet guy a couple of times and both have been him taking me out to eat. I really hate going to restaurants because they have really big portions but I put my big girl pants on and went along with it anyway. The conversation was great and really felt good about it. That is of course until after the second time in a restaurant my weight got brought up after I had to once again get a togo box.
I was told that I need some meat and potatos and he was going to start taking me more places to eat because I needed to gain more weight.
This sorta annoys me a bit, though i know thats peoples way of showing they care. Also since i asked if my weight was a problem and he said no i love your body how it is so tiny. I have no problem with his weight at all and do not bring it up. He seems to be obssesed with eating fast food and all big portions which is totally the opposite of me.
Besides this issue everything else i great so far. He is very nice and sweet and seems to want this to become something long term. I am just anxious about the fact that maybe him dating someone much lighter than him might lead towards issues later on for either one of us.
How/have any of you dealt with this before?

[Rant/Rave] A rant about several things
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 18:19:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xkctv/a_rant_about_several_things/
I'm in the ranting mood and I keep thinking about things but I don't want to make separate posts so imma ramble.

So firstly, today I went shopping with my friend and I was wearing this long sleeved sweater with tight sleeves. He was like "wow is that really what your wrists look like?" I asked him what he meant and he said they looked so small. I do have naturally small wrists, and the tight sleeve wasn't stretched at all so it made my wrists look even smaller. I love it when people notice things like that!!

Anyway, next point! I've lost over thirty pounds (and counting) and my clothes aren't fitting right. This is a blessing and a curse. I'm a college kid with no money so I kind of have to deal with it but I'm still really happy. Like my workout shorts are getting too big. I went for a run a few days ago and had to hold them up the whole time, which sucked but I was secretly pleased.

And finally, a not-so-happy thing. I can't stop thinking about my insecurities and comparing myself to other girls. Two of my boyfriend's best friends are girls and they're both skinny and pretty. I wish I didn't care, but I do. But I can't stop thinking about something my boyfriend said once. We were talking about things that make us jealous in a relationship and he asked me if I was jealous of his friend. I said no, why would I be?? And his answer was "well she IS very pretty." ?????? Why would you say that to me?? I wasn't jealous until you said that! What???
So yeah, that was a while ago but it still gives me motivation. I kind of hate that about myself though, cause competing with other girls isn't really what I want to be doing.

Okay, rant over. Thanks for reading (if you got this far)

[Rant/Rave] Being fat is a choice and knowing that makes me feel free.
Created: Sat Mar 4 16:55:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xjyyd/being_fat_is_a_choice_and_knowing_that_makes_me/
Being fat is a choice. I know that statement is probably the most circlejerking phrase I can say here, but I didn’t really understand the depth of this fact until I read an article about how Japanese society views fatness. Japanese people tend to see being fat as a choice like a girl wearing pink hair or a person who only dresses in black, so they have no problem asking someone, “Why are you so fat?” After I read that sentence, I felt like something clicked in my head. I’ve always knew that being fat was a choice, but there’s a difference between knowing a fact and acknowledging one.

I’ve finally realized and acknowedge the magnitude of this choice. If I gain weight, if I lose weight, the choice belongs to me and no one else. The fatness acceptance movement is very deterministic and fatalistic once you think about it. Fat people are doomed to be fat and they cannot do anything about it because of genetics. They should keep eating themselves until they’re sick with diabetes and high blood pressure and die an unhappy death. They shouldn’t start walking or doing gentle exercising, because what’s the use? You’re going to go back to your set weight anyway, so why try? How sad. How sad that people think that their lives are so predetermined that they refuse to strive to live a happy and healthy life.

Choices are all about freedom. I have the freedom to refuse fried foods and sweets. I have the freedom to lose weight and wear clothes that I’ve always wanted to wear, but was too scared to put the fork down. I have the freedom to sculpt my body any way I see fit. I have the freedom to look very muscular, skinny and lean, or very thin. I have the freedom to stop hating myself. I have the freedom to make my life right.

Choices require responsibility. As a fully functioning adult, I am responsible for the choices I make and didn’t make.
I'm going to make a decision guys. I choose skinny over fatness. I choose restriction over stuffing food in my face. I choose freedom over slavery to food. For the first time in a long time, I finally feel free.

[Rant/Rave] This is why I can't trust food.
/u/-kaneki-ken- [5'7" | mooing loudly | 19.51 | 23F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 16:47:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xjxnd/this_is_why_i_cant_trust_food/
Last night I came home from a hot yoga class (obv. super dehydrated) and saw a happy number on the scale. I let myself get too excited about it and thought I'd treat myself by eating at maintenance (~1800 cals)! Woo, right? I even had peanut butter with honey!

I woke up and had gained 4 pounds.

This is why I can't maintain..! It seems like there's either weight loss or weight gain, no in between. It's been 14 days since my last binge and I've only lost 3 pounds in that time. It's just so fucking frustrating. I feel like I'm destined to keep losing and regaining these last 10 pounds forever. I just want my BMI to be permanently and safely under 20.. :(

[Discussion] Back from a 3 week vacation
Created: Sat Mar 4 14:52:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xjdp0/back_from_a_3_week_vacation/
There was no scale there at my hosts home. And there was plenty of delicious food. I ate too much. And I get home and... I lost 10 pounds? What? Not that I'm complaining. Anyone else ever lose weight after a food filled vacation like that?

[Discussion] What's your earliest memory of your ED?
Created: Sat Mar 4 13:49:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xj2fp/whats_your_earliest_memory_of_your_ed/
I'm just curious to see if anyone else has very early memories of unhealthy eating and body image and can pinpoint a few key moments where things moved outside of the realm of 'normal'. I'll go first: I remember the first time I binged in secret. I stole several king sized candy bars from the grocery store check out line as my parents were buying our dinner. I knew I shouldn't have had even one of them and was too ashamed to ask, but I actually took five of them. When we got home I ate them all in the bathroom in a minute, and then proceeded to eat dinner and extra helpings of dessert with my family afterwards. I think I was in seventh grade.

Edit: Thank you all so much for sharing these with me!

[Tip] 30 calorie cappuccino
Created: Sat Mar 4 13:47:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xj1yr/30_calorie_cappuccino/

[Rant/Rave] I'm a piece of shit ??? [rant]
Created: Sat Mar 4 13:42:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xj15k/im_a_piece_of_shit_rant/
I was doing okay with losing, and then my weight shot up very quickly because of binges, around 4lbs. People were commenting on my thinness. Now, i feel like a piece of lard and a complete fake. I feel like now everyone knows i can be thin, but i ruined it by getting fat.

This morning, i woke up and binged hardcore. Literally 1,800 calories. This is the most i've ever binged on, i'm pretty sure. I feel like i'm a complete failure and i've ruined everything. I don't know how to come out of this, it feels like the only thing that would motivate me would be suddenly losing five pounds.

I know that i sound like a baby and i'm so sorry. I just need to put this out there.

[Rant/Rave] Trying to decide whether to eat everything or nothing
/u/french__toasted [5'9" | CW:too much | GW: 115 | -13 | F21]
Created: Sat Mar 4 13:37:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xj05l/trying_to_decide_whether_to_eat_everything_or/
My behaviors are kind of spiraling out of control right now and I passive aggressively lashed out towards some of my close friends earlier today. This was such an uncharacteristic thing for me to do and the guilt is fucking wrecking me. Part of my brain says to stuff my face with food because I don't deserve to be thin and the other part of my brain tells me I don't deserve to eat and get pleasure from food. I know if I binge I'm going to end up purging which will probably make me feel the shittiest so that's not the route I want to go to but there is still a part of me that just wants to eat and eat and eat.

I just sent an apology to my friends and I'm waiting for a response and the wait is causing so much anxiety. I feel like my friends are never going to forgive me and will always have this kind of negative view of my character from now on. I try so hard to be a kind and caring person and I just fucked it up. I have tests to study for and instead I'm just sitting in the library trying to figure out the best way to punish myself using food.

Painful swallowing?
Created: Sat Mar 4 13:35:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xizuq/painful_swallowing/
Has anyone else had issues with seriously painful swallowing? Like far down in my esophagus, and after it feels like the bite already went down it starts to seriously burn. I've been purging quite a bit lately I'll admit, and I had a serious binge last night with an unsuccessful purge and then it started. Am I ok? Breakfast with my boyfriend was unbearable this morning.

[Discussion] Do y'all feel different sizes in different settings?
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | 104 | 19.0 | Ugw: 85 |19f]
Created: Sat Mar 4 12:12:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xijkb/do_yall_feel_different_sizes_in_different_settings/
Idk if this is weird or not, but I feel different sizes depending on where I am. For example, even at my lowest weight, when I'm home and with my family I always feel HUGE. Like anything I eat I Can feel it in my body and absorbing the calories already. At work though, I feel smaller than usual, probably bc of the comments I get from coworkers and bc everyone is taller/bigger than me? But when I'm at work I realize I can tie the apron strings 2 times around my waist, and my hip bones always seem to pop out more than usual.
Does anyone else feel like this? It's fucking weird but pleasant in a way.

Has anyone tried only eating the amount of calories they plan to burn with exercise?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 11:55:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xigcl/has_anyone_tried_only_eating_the_amount_of/
Right now I'm averaging 800 cal a day and a 300 cal workout. I always have one bad binge day on the weekends out drinking that takes away from my deficit. I am going to try to stop drinking so much but also would love to try and get to a 400/500 cal in and then workout that much off (roughly an hour to two hours walking). Has anyone else experienced this?

I'm wondering about being too tired or hungry to function throughout the day though. My schedule with school has me needing to be mentally functioning 8am until 10pm, which is when I go to the gym until midnight.

On mobile can't flair.

[Discussion] Does anyone else have a clothing item that unintentionally their ED?
Created: Sat Mar 4 11:25:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xiag9/does_anyone_else_have_a_clothing_item_that/
Mine is[ this ](http://imgur.com/a/Qbs9p)dress that my mother gave me from her (very brief) ~70s modeling days when she was thin. Even at my lowest weight since I got the dress (139lbs) I still looked like a sausage in it but it was super motivating until I moved out and gained like 30lbs :(

Luckily I found the dress and i'm hoping to be able to get into it by my birthday!

Anybody else have something like this?

Edit: unintentionally fuelled* their ED. I accidentally a word in the title :(

[Discussion] "Mini-Binges"? [Discussion]
Created: Sat Mar 4 11:24:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xiafi/minibinges_discussion/
Does anyone else attempt to go for 600 or 800 calories, only to binge on low calorie things and end up eating about 1200/1400 total? I do this and I don't end up at my TDEE ever but I do go way higher than I want, and end up eating like a "normal person". Yeah I'm losing still technically but..... doesn't feel like it mentally. I have no self control. I wish I had a car so I could just force myself to go somewhere with no money so I can't buy anything and just spend my whole day there instead of at home, 10 ft from food.

[Rant/Rave] Starting to feel scared
Created: Sat Mar 4 11:03:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xi631/starting_to_feel_scared/
So Im pretty sure that most ppl can't relate to this, but I need to vent a little. I consume 450 calories a day, and they're mostly all healthy foods. I do not know why but I gained weight this morning and my muffin top is getting worse. Like I'm 5'2 126 lbs so it's not like I'm super skinny or anything either. The most insecure part of my body is my stomach and it is literally starting to look crazy. I don't know if it's bc my metabolism is slowing down and the fat is getting stored in my abdominal area or something... I don't want to restrict any more because I'm afraid that I'll end up binging, but I I'm also scared to eat more. I'm just hoping that this will pass and I'll lose weight again.

I remember a time when I felt really Helpless as I feel now, which caused me to push my body to the edge aka doing things very detrimental to my health. I feel like I'm slowly going there again.

The cafeteria sucks
/u/TummyRumblz [5'8" | CW:152| LW: 146 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 10:34:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xi0jr/the_cafeteria_sucks/
Preface: I'm on mobile and can't flair. I'm also bad at story telling.

I try to plan my meals ahead by looking at the cafeteria's menu online. I had everything planned out and went to the caf when it opened. When I got there they had completely different foods out with out the calorie count above them. Instead of waffles and actual breakfast foods they had beef hot dogs, chili, cheese sauce, and sweet potato fries. I was totally bummed out and went to get Honey Nut Cheerios instead except they weren't actually Honey Nut Cheerios, they were fuckin dulce de leche (Caramel) cheerios. They're about the same calorie-wise I think but I HATE caramel flavored things, the dispenser even said Honey Nut Cheerios! So I was bummed out again and ended up getting a salad :(

[Discussion] DAE hate having boobs?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 10:08:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xhveg/dae_hate_having_boobs/
I hate boobs. They look incredibly gross on me. I feel like I'm supposed to be flatchested. That's one of the reasons I'm so terrified of gaining weight. I know it's gonna go right to my boobs + hips. I don't even need to wear a bra at this point and they don't even bounce, but I still think they're WAY too big.

I just want a boyish body, I guess.

[Thinspo] This is literally my body goals
Created: Sat Mar 4 10:00:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xhu01/this_is_literally_my_body_goals/

[Discussion] Not "suffering" from your ED?
/u/mind_bodygames [5'4" | 119.8 | 20.97 | -21 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 09:45:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xhr5q/not_suffering_from_your_ed/
So I was first diagnosed with anorexia when I was 15 because I was hospitalized due to heart complications of being underweight. In the weeks leading up to that though, I wasn't really suffering at all. I was just numb and content. It wasn't until later when I was weight restored, trying desperately to lose weight, and being interfered with that I was miserable.

This summer I relapsed after almost 4 years of actual healthy recovery. These last few weeks, I feel like I did back when I was 15. I'm not suffering anymore. I'm not tortured by thoughts, I'm not counting calories, I'm not playing the numbers games. I just restrict constantly.

And I like myself better. Like, a lot better. I'm quieter, more calculated in my actions. Trying to take the focus of myself makes me more concerned about others and their lives, more generous. I enjoy spending my down time alone, doing things that are worth while rather than just desperate distractions from the ED thoughts. I'm not anxious or sad or anything really. Just numb and content.

Does anyone else feel this way too?

[Discussion] Calorie list for individual units?
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW104 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 08:32:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xhe9x/calorie_list_for_individual_units/
I've started doing this thing where I'll eat like 2 almonds or 7 raisins and I can't quite figure out what an individual unit of these is in calories. Does anyone know of a site where this is all listed? I don't have a food scale so I can't just weigh them and divide the ounces to figure it out. Thanks!

[Goal] Goals for summer?!
Created: Sat Mar 4 07:18:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xh2o4/goals_for_summer/
On mobile - please flair goals (lol)

I know it's early, but I would love to hear what your goals are for the summer!! I find them very inspiring and motivating. Any specific dates or reasons?

Mine are to (by June 20 - for no reason)
-Lose 35 pounds

-Be going to the gym 3x weekly (fuck you anxiety)

-Run at least three 5ks a week.

What are yours? :)

[Help] What is your favourite non-vanity sized clothing store?
/u/Popcornlightandzero [5'9 | 123 lbs | 18.2 | - 33 lbs | F | GW: 100 LBS]
Created: Sat Mar 4 06:37:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgx3t/what_is_your_favourite_nonvanity_sized_clothing/
Hello, I'm new here.

I decided to ask this question because I don't really know of stores that aren't vanity sized and I need to buy clothes.
Can you help me with that, please? Thanks.

[Intro] How it all started..
/u/veetrayal [5'6 | sw: 250 | cw: 197 😭 | gw: 140 | 25 f]
Created: Sat Mar 4 05:39:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgpwh/how_it_all_started/
Long time lurker. Everyone here seems so nice 😭 I figured I would finally introduce myself.

I was along time binger. Ive never been "small". Right after high school I got comfortable while dating a guy, combined with it being an abusive relationship, I went from 180s to 210. But "he loved me" so I was okay with it. A few years into the relationship after multiple break ups and getting back together he labeled me as crazy. Convinced me to see a psych. One of the meds I was put on was to help me sleep: seroquel. I gained 40lbs in two months. A few years later, we broke up. I was devastated and left in a body I absolutely hated. I got fired from my job. All I did was eat. I had no friends or family left in my corner.

I started a new job, met my now best friend, and that's when the downward spiral for my eating habits started. About a year into our friendship we watched some documentary on Netflix where a guy juiced for months and lost hella weight. We were hella inspired lmao. So we went out bought juicers, had a last China buffet binge and I juiced for 21 days after. I lost 20lbs. Only drinking juice.

We stopped after those 21 days, because she hadn't lost any weight, but later confessed she had been sneaking food the whole time 🙄 One of our coworkers had been really successful losing a bunch of weight, we asked what she was doing. Phentermine.

We made a two hour car trip out to Kentucky, to a rinky dink "doctor office" (it was easier to get phentermine there than our home state), got a three month supply. And. I. Was. Hooked. I lost another 50ish pounds in those three months. Bringing me down to 174. My lowest weight since probably middle school.

After the meds I was weighing myself everyday. Multiple times a day. Skipping meals. Compulsively reading labels. Keeping my cals under 800. Then would binge. I would fluctuate between 176-185 just from the binge and restrict cycle. My friend and I were so obsessed with maintaining our new weights we even purged together a few times.

I never thought I had a problem.

Fast forward two years, I moved states, became nothing but a ball of stress and anxiety and have managed to get myself back to 206. After swearing I'd never see 200 again.

Getting phentermine is so easy in this state. My insurance even covered the doctors appointment. I just picked up my script yesterday. I forgot how good it feels. To not worry about food. To not crave anything. To be so fucking bored I don't even want to eat. Yesterday I ate 430 calories all together. I felt so accomplished. So proud.

Phentermine is my crutch. I love how easily I can restrict on it. I hate what I've become as a person with it. I hate who I am without it. I hate how easily I can get it here. How cheap it is. I hate how of the nurse practitioner knew how much all of this was a problem for me, she wouldn't prescribe it to me. This really did open the door to disorderd eating for me. It's a love hate relationship I never want to be without though.

Anyway. Sorry this is long. I just really needed to share today. This is day two of taking it, and I really just was stuck in my thoughts this morning. Here's to never ever seeing the 200s again.

Tl;Dr phentermine started me down the path of unhealthy eating habits that I now feel I would be lost without.

[Other] EDs & sleepwalking
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 05:32:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgp6m/eds_sleepwalking/
According to my dude, I came into our room last night after passing out in our living room, stripped my clothes off, and went fumbling into the kitchen. I asked him to help me make food (he told me he knew better than to that thankfully) and proceeded to pass out again. I'm hoping I didn't eat. I inspected the garbage and my bed and have no evidence of sleep snacking which is fucking awesome. But I may never know lol. For some reason sleep walking always turns me into a foodie nudist.

[Discussion] DAE accidentally hint towards their ED?
/u/skinny-waifu [5'2|HW 150 |CW 121|LW 113|F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 05:31:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgp2y/dae_accidentally_hint_towards_their_ed/
I decided to show my brother the Blind Girl - Binge prequel because Drake Bell's in it (and it's a pretty amazing piece of work too) but I haven't eaten in 'awhile'. While Ang was taking down all these post it notes that said "Don't eat", "no carbs" ect my stomach was grumbling. Earlier during breakfast I kept mentioning how I was going to make some oatmeal but never did it, just kinda opened the packaging a few times, looked at the milk, the measuring cups, looked in the freezer, counted the calories of everything in my head and then made some green tea. Every alludes to my ED. I'm just worried that I'm letting my secret slip and wondering does anybody else do this sorta thing? Or maybe it's only obvious to me?

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
Created: Sat Mar 4 05:09:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgmhu/daily_thinspo/

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! March 04, 2017
Created: Sat Mar 4 05:07:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgmcg/stupid_questions_saturday_march_04_2017/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for March 04, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 04, 2017
Created: Sat Mar 4 05:07:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgmbl/daily_food_diary_march_04_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 04, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Rant/Rave] [rant] ugh. Waiting to binge is the worst
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 139.1 | 22.54 | -9.1 | 21F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 04:40:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgjgp/rant_ugh_waiting_to_binge_is_the_worst/
Title pretty much. SO and his mother are leaving to a city 30 minutes away so they should have left by now. They will be late. I was gonna finish off the peanut butter and altogether too much oatmeal, then go to my favorite diner and get chocolate chip pancakes and finish up with ice cream. BUT THEY ARE STILL HERE AND IM REALLY.....angry??? I'm actually feeling furious and it's so stupid and I'm frustrated in general and I just needed to rant. I'm terrible at this not eating thing

[Rant/Rave] *Jeans didn't fit
Created: Sat Mar 4 04:07:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgg2m/jeans_didnt_fit/
All i have been trying to do for the last 6 months is lose weight and yet I am gaining... my jeans didn't fit this morning. Like nope nope nope wouldn't even go over my leg. FUCK. they fit like a week ago... then i have a panic attack and now im just sitting here crying.

[Rant/Rave] "You're breathing hard. Oh! You're wheezing... have you taken up smoking again? Is that why you're not running so well? You should give up!"
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Sat Mar 4 03:27:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgc7h/youre_breathing_hard_oh_youre_wheezing_have_you/
Yep. Someone, who I thought was a non-judgemental friend said this to me at parkrun 5k. What went through my mind:

* *"Who the fuck are you talking shit"*

* I never GAVE UP smoking! When I was better at running, I was still smoking! She just assumed I had given up when I was running pretty well last year.

* *"I'm not running so well because I gained a bunch of weight pretty much binging which made me lethargic, now I am restricting again because I fucking hate myself and out of practice running fasted, and life is awful so please keep your nose out"*

* I'm wheezing because I've had a rotten cold and my lungs are still affected (probably cus they're weak from smoking though lol)

* *"Oh! You're fat... have you taken up stuffing your face with junk again?"* (As if she actually gave up either.. even after binging for months, I'm still lighter than her by quite a bit. I don't often have negative fat-shamey thoughts about others let alone friends, but she REALLY fucked me off. Fat people who bitch about the health consequences of smoking piss me off in general)

Man. I know this isn't strictly ED rant (besides the fact that its actually ED behaviours that are affecting my running atm) but I just wish people in general would keep their goddamn noses out of my health and what they notice about my health, being all judgey and shit. As if I don't know smoking is bad for me. Thing is, right now, I hardly care about that. Maybe I will when I get lung cancer, but right now smoking helps me not eat and I'd rather not eat than avoid lung cancer. Just the way shit is for me.

Still finished almost 3 minutes before she did though. She tried to keep up with me most of the first lap.. probably thought she could because I was 'breathing hard and wheezing', but even at my slow pace it was too fast for her, wore her out, and she had to walk half the second lap. LOL AT YOU JUDGEYFACE.

[Rant/Rave] Merely a deterrent,
/u/enfinseul [5'6 | 112.6 | 18.25 | gw👻 | f]
Created: Sat Mar 4 01:41:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xg20m/merely_a_deterrent/
but there is a cake in my home and although I do not often like sweets for sone reason tonight I am upsettingly preoccupied by it. I have been pacing my kitchen island in anxiety for ten minutes, and I am in hopes that holding myself accountable in some form will make it such that I don't eat some. :s

What is it you all do to distract from food? Ordinarily I will take a shower but I would like to tidy up the kitchen and not come back to it again.

[Rant/Rave] On the plus side, I look fabulous.
Created: Sat Mar 4 01:00:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xfxpu/on_the_plus_side_i_look_fabulous/
An odd rant here, I guess its a rant. I'm not sure of a lot of things lately.

Over the past month I've been dealing with a spinal injury. I haven't been able to walk well and I'm in a lot of pain. Apparently it might be a degenerative nerve disorder that will eventually take my independence and kill me. I have an MRI scheduled tomorrow and we'll know shortly afterwards.

On the plus side though, my depression has brought about a glorious fasting phase and I've lost 3lbs over the last week. I'm looking pretty great and my ribs are becoming more apparent. The only drawback is mealtimes around other people. My husband eats when he's stressed and depressed so he ordered 3 pizzas and I was expected to have some. If I can get that sorted out I'll look gorgeous in my wheelchair. If you've made it this far thanks for coming with me on this strange, mopey rant of mine. Fingers crossed for the best news tomorrow.

[Discussion] Panicking about my weight at the end of the day (prob stupid question) [Discussion]
/u/ultravi0lent [5' | CW: 183 lbs | SW: 211 | obese mess | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 23:45:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xfpar/panicking_about_my_weight_at_the_end_of_the_day/
So I tend to weight myself quite often (bad habit, I know...) and when my weight is 2+ lbs higher than it was at the morning, I always feel like I'll gain or only maintain... Please reassure me - it doesn't matter at all, right? "Heavier" food (I don't know how to explain it lol!) doesn't mean I won't lose... right? 😰

[Rant/Rave] [rant] friend found my previous alt
/u/waitupana [147cm | idk i have no scale 😢 | 14Male]
Created: Fri Mar 3 22:54:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xfizl/rant_friend_found_my_previous_alt/
so um

my friend found my previous alt, luckily i could delete before they looked too far, and they doubted it was me ("you could never have an eating disorder") but they thought it was funny that another person never eats outside of dinner. im thinking they were just saying that to calm me though because i had listed some things that would make it pretty obvi that it was me (how many dont eat dinner that are the same age, sex,and height as me? surely not that many).

might be overthinking though

so yeah

anyone have any tips on stopping people from finding the account you use to post here? they found it because I was logged in while showing them a thing and they noticed the username was different from my usual.

previous acc name was `w``e``i``g``h``t``t``h``r``o``w``a``w``a``y``9``9``4` (sorry for the seperated letters, trying to make it harder for google to index it as a whole word

[Rant/Rave] RAVE: Met an exercise goal!
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW104 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 22:38:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xfguu/rave_met_an_exercise_goal/
Sorry if formatting is weird or the text is rambling but please bear with me because no one else will understand my excitement.

Context: I love walking. It's pretty much a hobby for me. I walk minimum 10 miles a day (unless I'm very sick or have a ridiculous amount of work). To me, the walking I do qualifies as exercise. (I also lift weights 3x a week and do cardio and yoga 3x a week, Sunday is a rest day).

Anyhow I'm always pushing myself to walk farther and farther. Before today the most I had walked was 16.5 miles in one day. So today at 8:30 pm I looked at my step counter and saw I was at 8.5 miles. And then I thought "hey, it's pretty early and you are done with work, go beat your record." The goal was to reach 17 miles (I like to set my goals in .5 increments, so 16.6 was not an option).

Well guess what!? Ya Girl walked/ran 20 miles today! (Technically 3/3 as I am typing this at 12:30 am). I've always wanted to walk a ridiculous amount and now I can finally cross that off my bucket list. In total I walked 14 miles and ran 6 miles. The first 8.5 miles were done in random increments. But the next 11.5 were done all at once. I alternated walking with running for 3 hours straight! I've got blisters on my toes and holes in my shoes but I am so fucking psyched.

And the best part: When I was running I felt un-tethered, like I was completely weightless and not even touching the ground. The feeling was absolutely amazing (full disclosure I did do an EC stack today and took 3 grams of gabapentin, so this definitely contributed to my energized yet simultaneously floaty and light state). Also, I only had 700 cals today so I think I can safely say I ate at a deficit.

Anyway, thanks for reading this through! If I told my friends they would just freak out and tell me I need to get my life under control. Now I'm going to go take some aspirin (in preparation for the soreness tomorrow), grab a La Croix and a protein bar (these cals will go towards 3/4 not 3/3 because I count my calories from midnight to midnight, not based on when I sleep) and soak my abused feet in some epsom salts.

I hope you are all having a wonderful chill night (or morning or whatever it is where you are) and that you too achieve your goals!

[Rant/Rave] Been in BED mode since Oct
Created: Fri Mar 3 22:15:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xfdrc/been_in_bed_mode_since_oct/
But I've been restricting all week. I'm so excited. I haven't been able to do this in so long. I feel like I'm regaining control. Like today all I had was a tortilla and a cranberry redbull (my favorite splurge treat when I'm restricting). 300 cal and I feel great. I'm so happy to be back.

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] Didn't binge!
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW:190lb | CW:150.1lb | GW:90lb | 27.5/28.4 | -39.9lb]
Created: Fri Mar 3 21:02:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xf388/rave_didnt_binge/
My family got a Boston Creme Pie and some pizza today. I really wanted some but I'm trying to restrict and not binge and I would have if I had any. So instead I made a salad, and for dessert I had a Boston Creme yoghurt (90kcal) and added a tbsp of chocolate chips (80kcal). Just as good and not nearly as many calories!

It's a small thing but I'm proud

[Rant/Rave] Now I don't even need motivation
Created: Fri Mar 3 21:02:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xf35f/now_i_dont_even_need_motivation/

[Other] That weird moment when you realize Angelica from Rugrats had binge eating disorder..
Created: Fri Mar 3 18:25:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xeegg/that_weird_moment_when_you_realize_angelica_from/

[Rant/Rave] Got triggered by my fiance.
/u/sleepyrats [182cm | 69.8kg | 20.31 | -7.9kg | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 17:19:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xe3a4/got_triggered_by_my_fiance/
What a load of shit. I'm so annoyed. The day before yesterday I dropped to 73.0 kg because I ate 500 calories and walked a ton, and excitedly told my fiance. Then yesterday I ate 900 calories because I've been having a lot of work stress, but I think 900 isn't exactly unreasonable, especially when I plan to exercise more this weekend by going hiking. Anyway, I gained back to 73.4kg overnight but I'm sure it's just from eating a lot of salt from a packet of flavoured popcorn (220 cal) and a ton of dill pickles (20 cal) for dinner. Fiance says to me this morning when we were talking about what to have for breakfast - "you pigged out yesterday so you should probably just have plain oatmeal".

Fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

900 calories is NOT pigging out! Jesus. I'm trying my best every fucking day. Yeah I ate some biscuits but fucking fuck fuck fuck. I fucking hate myself right now.

Edit: we talked about it and he apologized. I told him he was being rude because I totalled my calories to allow the popcorn. He said he didn't mean it that way and was just trying to keep me on track. I don't tell him that I'm eating so little - he thinks I'm eating 1200 a day instead. Anyway thanks for all the love and support everyone. This sub is just amazing. You're all the best people.

[Rant/Rave] Need a weird vent
Created: Fri Mar 3 16:59:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xdzo2/need_a_weird_vent/

Thinking about raising my caloric I take and exercising
Created: Fri Mar 3 16:54:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xdyt0/thinking_about_raising_my_caloric_i_take_and/
I'm thinking about switching my caloric intake from 450 to 500-525 and exercising to burn off 100-150 calories. I'm just scared to do it though but technically I will be consuming less calories if I add in exercising. Idk..

[Rant/Rave] Receiving more and more male attention...
/u/thin-kitty [5'6 | 114 | -101 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 16:31:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xduo6/receiving_more_and_more_male_attention/
It's this weird mixture of satisfaction and disgust. I'm satisfied that I'm getting noticed (after years of my fat self being completely ignored) but at the same time revolted at how shallow guys are.

For all this talk of 'real men prefer curves', I'm sure seeing the opposite the lower my weight dips. I don't know what to feel. They can't help what they find attractive, but knowing that my body is most attractive to many guys when I'm sick, well...it makes me feel kinda sick. But pleased. But sick.

Sorry, had to vent...anyone else get what I'm saying or do I sound absolutely crazy?

[Other] Started drinking more water!
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 16:10:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xdqmt/started_drinking_more_water/
(mobile, can't flair)

Okay so I've always been *hydrated* for the most part, I guess. I keep water with me at all times and drink it throughout the day. But I've seen things online that say stuff like "you should be drinking your weight in ounces of water daily" etc. So I decided I would try that out. Here's what happened after a few days...

Okay, first off, this is a little TMI. I have to pee like every half hour AT LEAST. It's kind of inconvenient for someone who's very busy. It also has made me poo more regularly.

But the really cool thing is I'm not hungry. Like at all. Like I'm focusing on drinking all this water and it fills me up. If I tried to eat I think I would just get stuffed. I always hated chugging water to make hunger go away, that just didn't work well for me. But this consistency in drinking is really cool cause it makes me feel satisfied? Kind of funny. The only cons are the peeing and the extra water weight/feeling a bit bloated.

[Rant/Rave] Stressed out...
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 16:08:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xdq6p/stressed_out/
I weighed in heavier than I expected to be this morning (109), and I'm still a couple pounds over the weight I wanted to be for the start of spring break next Friday (105). So I'm trying to restrict as much as I can today, but I'm starving and on campus so the only things around are fast food... and to make it worse I'm going to see my boyfriend tonight and I know he's going to try and get me to eat. Ugh. I dunno, just feeling like a failure today and needed to tell somebody.

[Help] Stressed about engagement ring size
/u/diet247x [5'3 | BMI: 23.0 | -20 lbs | GW: 90 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 15:19:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xdgft/stressed_about_engagement_ring_size/
This sounds so stupid and I apologize but I am incredibly stressed out about my ring size. I gained about 20 lbs in two years, and my fingers have gotten so much fatter. I've lost some of the weight, but I'm worried about how huge my fingers are. I'm racing to lose more weight before he buys the ring, because I cannot stand being a 6.25.

Is there anything I can do (in addition to losing weight) that will slim my fingers? I'm at my wits end.

[Discussion] I love Fridays for a messed up reason.
/u/exmorbidly [5'7 | 169lbs | -111lbs | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 14:41:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xd8fz/i_love_fridays_for_a_messed_up_reason/
At my work, most people aren't here on Friday's. I'm usually here alone with like 2 other people. The office right next to mine is the "snack" office, that always has cookies/chocolate/pretzels/crackers or whatever in it. On Fridays, when no one is in there, I grab a cup, walk over and start C/Sing Oreos and shit like it's nobody's business.

I'm pretty paranoid that I'm ingesting more calories than I'm aware of.. but I really enjoy it. Ugh, fucked up. Does anyone else do this kind of thing regularly? Does it make your weight loss stall? Aghh.

[Goal] 22 lbs from my first GW !
Created: Fri Mar 3 14:32:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xd6cc/22_lbs_from_my_first_gw/

[Tip] Just a quick tip!
/u/skinnieme [66" | 132lbs | 21.39| F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 14:15:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xd2ro/just_a_quick_tip/
I had never thought about this before, but a friend of mine with diabetes told me what he does if he ever doubts that a server, barista, or drink fountain gave him what he ordered and swapped out real sugar.

Simply get a little drink on your finger and rub between finger and thumb. If it's sticky, it's sugar. Artificial sweeteners don't get sticky like sugar do.

I don't drink artificial sweeteners at all, so I can't personally confirm or deny, but I hope is helpful to at least one of you!

Sorry for no flair -- mobile.

[Tip] So
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 13:55:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xcyi6/so/
I am restricting much more heavily today to keep my weekly average calories below 1000 (I am aiming for below 900, but we will see). Anyway! I made a cabbage soup that is so good for only 200 calories for the ENTIRE SOUP. 1 bag of coleslaw (70 cal), 2 cans of broth (40 cals), 7 ounces of pico de gallo (76 cals), cumin (8 cals), salt and pepper. On a day when I'm not trying to restrict so low I'll probably add a bit more things for flavor but for the calories it'll have to do! Oh and some sriracha (: for the amount...like hot damn. 💜💜💜💜💜 oh and id love to hear any other large volume & safe/low cal etc ideas yall lovelies have!

[Rant/Rave] I woke up this morning feeling hopeless
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -55lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Fri Mar 3 12:17:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xccr5/i_woke_up_this_morning_feeling_hopeless/
I feel so stuck. I feel like I will never get away from all the worst parts of myself. I don't want to binge anymore. I'm ruining my life. I don't want to so why do I do it???

Yesterday I had a plan. This morning I found a binge food I thought I tossed but somehow missed in my cupboard...and done. Just having one turned into half the box. What the hell!

There's a part of me that's just so very tired of trying to get better. Tired of panicking about a binge and the stress of dealing with the fallout. Tired of watching the scale go up and down, over and over on the same numbers again and again.

Why can't I just be normal? Why do I sabotage myself? I know what I want, I know how to get there...so where is the disconnect? I am not a lazy person. I am not a stupid person. I am not an undisciplined person.

In college I was so on point. I could cut a sandwich into two pieces and be totally fine for breakfast and dinner. I could spend two, even three days at a time on just water. I don't mean to idealize that period of my life - I don't know. I just felt so much more in control back then. It's empowering to say "I'm not eating today" and actually not eat anymore. Right now I feel like I have no say in whether I binge or not.

My former boss and mentor, who knows I struggle with this issue, gave me a gift card to a running specialty store for x-mas last year and the card said "this is the last hurdle." She's so fucking right but here I am still on the treadmill and not making progress. Not only am I disappointing myself, I'm disappointing her now too.

I want to be everything that everyone thinks I am. I want to be the person I know I am on the inside. I want my life back. Sorry, just had to get this off of my chest.

[Discussion] I found 23cal a tbsp "nutella"
/u/Childofstupidity [5'2.5 | cw 113 | gw ☠️ | lw 80~ | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 11:47:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xc61y/i_found_23cal_a_tbsp_nutella/
Basically it's just like pb2/powdered peanut butter but oh my gosh it's chocolate and hazelnut.

I didn't even know they made that!

I found it at the Vitamin Shoppe (US), along with vegan quest bars, and vegan protein cookies. I'm in heaven.

The point of this, is what stuff have you found low calorie alternatives for that surprised you?

[Discussion] What is your perspective on what happens after death and how do you think that affects your ability to lose weight?
Created: Fri Mar 3 11:46:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xc5zs/what_is_your_perspective_on_what_happens_after/

[Rant/Rave] Under Budget For The Week But...
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | 143.8 lbs | 26.18 | -51.2 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 11:43:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xc572/under_budget_for_the_week_but/
Holy cannoli I just had my first binge in weeks and it feels as horrible as I remember!! :) I went almost 200 calories over my BMR! My very Polish grandparents came to visit me and are staying for the week, and along with their clothes they brought enough food to feed an army. Whatever, right? I have self-control, I can handle myself, right? No. No I cannot. That's why I live alone, so I can control the food that is in my home. I ate so much kaszanka (blood sausage), kielbasa (a type of sausage), and paczki (donut) that my stomach feels like it is about to burst open. They kept pressuring me to eat and I kept refusing but as soon as they left it was like the hunger floodgates opened and even though I kept thinking, "man you are so going to fricking regret this," I just ate and ate and ate. I calculated everything and I'm still ~1,000 calories under budget for the week, so it's not super terrible. I'm just mad that I was doing so well and finally got under 145 lbs earlier this week and now I have to do damage control during the weekend when I'd normally cut myself some slack. Ugh.

[Help] Help with Coffee Drinks
/u/willsucceed100 [5'4" | 126 | 22.05 | -27 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 11:19:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbzpl/help_with_coffee_drinks/
Hi all,

Finally made a throwaway to communicate here! I might post an intro later but for now I just need some advice for coffee drinks.

I love torani syrups but my SO is lactose intolerant so we always have either almond milk or soy milk. So my drinks end up curdling!!! It looks so bad and it doesn't taste as good.

Does anyone know how to prevent the curdling from happening? I usually have regular drip coffee, two pumps of the SF French vanilla or hazelnut, and as small splash of soy/almond milk.

[Help] New girlfriend really wants to cook food for me.
Created: Fri Mar 3 11:12:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbxzb/new_girlfriend_really_wants_to_cook_food_for_me/

[Discussion] [Discussion] - What's your favorite low calorie alcohol?
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Fri Mar 3 10:53:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbtjg/discussion_whats_your_favorite_low_calorie_alcohol/
I almost never drink because of the calories. Thus I know very little about alcohol you can purchase at the grocery store or fancy drinks you get at the bar, but I have an "after work" meeting coming up and would like people's opinion of what they drink when "out" vs. when they drink at home. Usually I drink soda water or unsweetened ice tea when out with pals but I'm always the designated driver and they've come to expect that so it's a non-issue there. I was thinking a thing called "a Wiskey Soda" might be a good option, honestly I just don't want to look like an idiot when I order my drink either from the bar or if ordering room service. Any ideas?

[Help] I'm desperate - My SO ate almost 2 pounds of chicken for dinner.
Created: Fri Mar 3 10:44:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbrk7/im_desperate_my_so_ate_almost_2_pounds_of_chicken/

[Other] My favourite binge/purge foods! What are yours?
Created: Fri Mar 3 10:38:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbqdy/my_favourite_bingepurge_foods_what_are_yours/

Who's your celebrity crush?
Created: Fri Mar 3 09:53:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbgbx/whos_your_celebrity_crush/

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
Created: Fri Mar 3 09:52:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbg1i/daily_thinspo/

Weekly Selfie and Progress Pic Thread! March 03, 2017
Created: Fri Mar 3 09:37:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbcrv/weekly_selfie_and_progress_pic_thread_march_03/

Daily Food Diary! March 03, 2017
Created: Fri Mar 3 09:35:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbce2/daily_food_diary_march_03_2017/

[Rant/Rave] I gain and lose the same weight over and over again, but not this time. I'm in control now.
Created: Fri Mar 3 09:06:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xb5zu/i_gain_and_lose_the_same_weight_over_and_over/

[Discussion] Personal reasons/goals to lose weight.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 154.8 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 08:20:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xaw2i/personal_reasonsgoals_to_lose_weight/
We clearly all want to be smaller, but we all have different reasons. Here's a unique few of mine.

* Period pain: When I'm heavier, like now, my cramps are debilitating. It numbs my legs and makes it difficult to stand for more than a few minutes. Even though I'm at a normal BMI, my cramps virtually disappeared the lower I got.

* I tend to run warmer. I hate being hot and heavy. In the winter, I practically die from all the heating. I'd like to take off some of my own insulation.

* Travelling: I fit just fine in airplane seats and have plenty of room, but I'd like to be smaller. Long haul flights are more comfortable when you can curl up.

* Wear my brother's clothes. He's almost 11. At my LW, I could snuggly wear his sweatshirts. I'd like to be there again.

What are some of your more personal reasons to lose weight?

[Rant/Rave] The whoosh is real, yall.
/u/exmorbidly [5'7 | 169lbs | -111lbs | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 08:01:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xasax/the_whoosh_is_real_yall/
Been feeling so depressed and anxious about my weight lately.. I'm getting married in 3 months and I'm trying my damndest to lose 25lbs. I wanted to be WAY thinner by now, but this is the best I can physically do at this point. I've been restricting for weeks and the scale has barely moved.. pissing me off to no end. I obsess over the math (if I eat this much and burn this much I should lose exactly this much) and it just wasn't adding up. Today I got on the scale and BAM. 4 pounds down since yesterday. Wtf! Yaaaas. The math works! Yay thermodynamics! Gotta keep truckin for this damn wedding.. 21lbs to go.

[Rant/Rave] Snapchat is personally offending me with its McDonald's all day breakfast adverts
Created: Fri Mar 3 07:49:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xapwg/snapchat_is_personally_offending_me_with_its/

My tiny new thigh gap
Created: Fri Mar 3 07:45:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xapab/my_tiny_new_thigh_gap/

[Discussion] What's your current workout routine? (Discussion)
/u/MeMyselfAndCarbs [5'3" | 110.6 | 24F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 07:42:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xaorm/whats_your_current_workout_routine_discussion/
Sorry I'm on mobile and can't flair right now!

I recently got back to the gym after a long break. I'm kind of easing myself into it, and my current routine is:

Elliptical: 20-30 minutes

Stair master: 10-15 minutes

Row: 10-20 minutes

(Sometimes I choose between the stair master and rower and only do one or the other)

And then finish with 15-20 minutes in the sauna.

I'd love to use the weights but I swear every boy I ever went to middle school lifts at my gym & I don't want them to see me, haha.

What does everyone else do in the gym? I'd love to share routines and get ideas for future workouts!

[Rant/Rave] I wish my brain could decide whether I'm fat or not
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Fri Mar 3 07:35:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xanae/i_wish_my_brain_could_decide_whether_im_fat_or_not/
One moment, I can look in the mirror and think 'Eh, you're not skinny, but perhaps no one could call you outright fat just seeing you in the street'

Then the next, and the majority of the time, I look in the mirror and it's suddenly 'IMPOSSIBLY FAT. DISGUSTING. FAT ALL OVER'

And it really can be just the next moment. I'm body checking a lot recently when I'm at home, at least every hour, and it can change within the hour.

I've tried to use body/BMI visualisers to get a grip on what I may look like, what my weight might be (I'm not weighing myself for a while) and just get some perspective... but I don't really feel I look like any of those body representations at ANY weight range or shape? Like, completely disconnected no matter how I try to force myself to see something similar about my size or whatever, or get that perspective.

It's frustrating and the only conclusion I can come to to possibly fix it, is that I need to restrict more. Because logic.

[Help] Drinking on an empty stomach
/u/possiblycurious [5'5"| 133| -17lbs| F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 04:22:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x9ttu/drinking_on_an_empty_stomach/
So....I work as a model- while there are some photoshoots- it's more in person stuff. It involves a lot of eating & drinking.

I was in Florida for 4 days & my jeans are tight.

I have a gig today. I'm restricting today.

The dilemma is that I don't like getting too drunk because of safety issues.

Any advice on how to help avoid this?

Edit: Can't flair on mobile. 😰

[Rant/Rave] WHY WHY WHY
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 03:28:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x9nbg/why_why_why/
I always end up mad binging once a week. Last night I was doing so good...ended the day with 788 cals (not counting booze) and I fucking binged ate 1089 calories worth 3 bags of snack chips, 2 100 cal English muffins, 2 35 cal pieces of toast, and peanut butter crackers. Holy fuck. I've been up worrying my heart out. I keep fucking doing this and I'm going to gain my weight back. I've done so good despite weekly binges... AND this Is hilarious given I told my Dad yesterday I don't eat carbs anymore ...cue pounding chips and bread into my fat face...fuck my life. I couldn't even hork it up last night. I'm so sad ):

[Discussion] [Discussion] Good YouTube videos on EDs?
/u/calmlyranting [5'5 | Fluctuating | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 03:17:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x9m3i/discussion_good_youtube_videos_on_eds/
I remember someone posting a video called "Binge" on here where it told the story of a girl suffering from bulimia. So I was wondering if anyone knows of any more video shorts like that. Other video suggestions like documentaries would also be nice. I'm pretty open to anything.

"recovery.." so far
Created: Thu Mar 2 22:58:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x8qls/recovery_so_far/

[Rant/Rave] I have no control
Created: Thu Mar 2 22:48:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x8p2u/i_have_no_control/
On mobile: rant

My only goal for March was no binging and purging until I was home for spring break and forced to eat by my family. Binged all day today and had my biggest purge in months. Why am I like this? Why can't I control myself? Who the fuck eats cookie dough with Doritos and lucky charms???? I don't deserve to live in this body, I treat it like shit.

[Help] I don't know if I'm losing muscle or fat
Created: Thu Mar 2 22:44:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x8ok7/i_dont_know_if_im_losing_muscle_or_fat/

[Rant/Rave] Co workers keep commenting on my weight and what I eat ...I like it
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 134.48lbs | BMI 20.14 |- 26lbs | GW 127lbs | 24F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 22:28:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x8m02/co_workers_keep_commenting_on_my_weight_and_what/
One of my colleagues is attending weight watchers / slimming world (I keep getting them mixed up), and I'm happy for her if she's happy! She's so lovely and doing so well.

Anyway, we were talking about weight and one of my colleagues said I looked really trim recently, I said "thank you, I have lost 3kg" and one of my others said (in a nice way) "not that you have much to lose anyway!" (this was after congratulating my colleague at slimming world for losing 10lbs already).

Recently they've been asking me what I eat and have been watching when I'm just eating all the fruit and drinking all the miso soup. I think it's good because they see me eat, and they obviously think I must look good because they're starting to do the same and asking me where I get my nutrients from etc etc.

I feel quite positive about it currently - I hope it doesn't change as I lose more weight !

[Rant/Rave] I've gained an ungodly amount of weight.
/u/Para-Medic [5'1' | too much | too much |0 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 22:07:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x8irg/ive_gained_an_ungodly_amount_of_weight/

[Rant/Rave] Technically recovered
Created: Thu Mar 2 21:56:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x8gvx/technically_recovered/

[Rant/Rave] So far in my depression, ED and anxiety that I'm missing my dad's 90th birthday
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 21:08:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x897v/so_far_in_my_depression_ed_and_anxiety_that_im/
**Sorry, this is more like a rant about life in general, not just my ED. I would post somewhere else but this sub is the only sub I'm comfortable with when it comes to stuff like this. Feel free to ignore.**

I haven't lost any weight since I last saw him. In fact, I was 10 pounds lighter and he praised me so much and wouldn't stop looking at me. Smiling, crying and calling me beautiful. That was the first time I ever felt like he was actually proud of me. I don't really have a good relationship with him, he wasn't a father figure, he's done fucked up shit and he can say very hurtful things.

He was admitted to the hospital because of hypothermia. He called me a few days later and asked me why I didn't visit him. Apparently, my mom told him about my mental issues. That was the very first time I heard my dad say I love you to me. He asked me to visit him and I was at my thinnest then. He said nothing but nice things, he said he wanted to help me with my depression and he wanted me to visit him more often.

I haven't seen/talked to him since November. I was turning 18 in January and he promised that I could travel to Europe. When I came back a few weeks later to remind him, he totally forgot and started saying hurtful things like how I'm incapable of certain things because of my depression and how I don't know anything and I'm just clueless. I left while sobbing uncontrollably.

I just feel very conflicted. My dad is 90, he's been in and out of the hospital for months now because of heart problems. He'll probably die soon. Sure, he hasn't treated my family and I very well but I feel like he tried at least a little bit towards the end.

Anyways, I don't want to go to his birthday party because I hate myself and my body. I don't want anyone to see how much of a mess I am, how much I've let myself go. I get very anxious at the thought of even leaving my home. And the fact that I haven't talked to him in months, even when he almost died, makes me feel extremely guilty. There's just no excuse for what I've done. I just feel like a selfish, messed up prick.

[Other] Oh my Jessica Jones.
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 19:56:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x7wfb/oh_my_jessica_jones/
She's my thinspo. For real. We're alcoholics and work in the same sort of field...ice ice baby. Goddamn. I need more work. She's such a badass! Now if only I could leave the house...

[Help] Weight loss supplements
Created: Thu Mar 2 19:41:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x7tl1/weight_loss_supplements/

[Discussion] Waiting to date?
Created: Thu Mar 2 18:57:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x7lo2/waiting_to_date/
On mobile, please flair as discussion!

Feel like I'm not worthy enough to be dating anyone until I've reached my goal weight. But the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that when I finally do reach my GW I'll find something else to fault and keep trying to perfect every little bit of me first before I'll allow myself to date...

Just curious if anyone else feels this way.

[Goal] After 2 months of being stuck in a binge/restrict cycle, I have finally broken it and now for the first time since I was probably 14 I have a BMI in the teens!!!!
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 101.6 | BMI:19.8 l GW 90| -42 l F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 18:16:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x7e7x/after_2_months_of_being_stuck_in_a_bingerestrict/
I mean it's hardly under 20, and I'm going off the old BMI (less triggering, tbh) but WOW that's a relief.

[Goal] I'm within 10 lbs of the thinnest girl in my grade
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 18:09:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x7cww/im_within_10_lbs_of_the_thinnest_girl_in_my_grade/
She's an actual nymph. She tells everyone she's 111, I was assuming she was like 90. I'm about 116-117. How is this fucking real, she is forever thinner than me??? Oh my god, I am WAY too excited about this. And everyone was going on about how light she was and they couldn't understand how she could be that light. I know she's a little over 5'7 and has a pretty fit body, but we are still SO CLOSE.

[Rant/Rave] Was only able to make it 17 hours during my fast and then I got asked to eat all you can eat sushi :(
Created: Thu Mar 2 18:07:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x7cdu/was_only_able_to_make_it_17_hours_during_my_fast/

On mobile so I can't flair
So close to getting the full 24 hours and now I feel like shit :(

[Help] The only problem with the guy I'm dating
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 17:54:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x7a1v/the_only_problem_with_the_guy_im_dating/
This guy and I have been going out every weekend for a couple of months now. We haven't labeled ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend yet, but whatever we have going on is mutual and exclusive. He is amazing in so many ways- kind, caring, respectful, the list goes on. He makes me laugh and makes me feel so small (I love how tall and masculine he is). He does not bring me any anxiety, and for some reason I find that I can eat around him.

There is only one problem. We both are taking a class that has just gone over eating disorders. He's a pretty sarcastic, humorous person. I have heard him say Anorexia isn't real when talking with a group of classmates. He doesn't make fun of people who have the disorder; I truly believe he just has not been exposed to the realities of the situation or has a misunderstanding of what the disorder is.

I just find it really ironic that we're basically dating and I secretly have an eating disorder. I don't know when I'll tell him (obviously i'll wait until what we have is more serious). But most importantly, I don't know how i'll address it when I do tell him. Will he not believe me? Will he think I'm crazy? This is literally the only problem with this guy, and I think about it a bunch.

[Discussion] dae feel like they really "let themselves go"?
/u/kindofawhale [5'5 | 153 | F ]
Created: Thu Mar 2 17:45:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x78du/dae_feel_like_they_really_let_themselves_go/
Because damn, I really do.

To think I used to be underweight, lost every shred of self-control, and brought myself back up to this weight? It makes me sick. Thank god I found this sub. After I "recovered", I ballooned right up back to my starting point.

I hope I can fix this.

[Rant/Rave] Does anybody else feel like just becauze people dont worry that they WANT you to keep losing weight??
Created: Thu Mar 2 16:44:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x6wkz/does_anybody_else_feel_like_just_becauze_people/

[Other] I gave a speech today!! I hate public speaking but I did iiitt. What did you conquer this week?
/u/jessamini [5'5 | 116.5 | GW 100 |19F 🌸]
Created: Thu Mar 2 16:12:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x6q3q/i_gave_a_speech_today_i_hate_public_speaking_but/
I just delivered a 5-7 minute speech on Trader Joe's! It was for my Professional & Strategic Speech Class. Oh my gosh I'm still shaking haha, I almost fainted at the end

I feel like I got at least 80 out of 100 points, I am pretty sure I was within the time limits and I think I made good eye contact..the only problem is we were supposed to orally cite 5 sources, and one of my notecards got stuck to the back of another so I think I missed a source :// maybe 2? It's a blur, I was talking really fast (in my head) who knows maybe I stumbled over my lines and skipped a name.

Anyways I did it! It is done :)) I'm definitely going to work even harder on the next speech, regardless of my grade..I like the teacher and I want her to be proud of me, lol

Have you guys conquered anything week? Share it with me.

Are fitbit calories accurate?
/u/foldedpapercranes [5'6'' | 105lbs | bmi 17| F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 15:58:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x6n5n/are_fitbit_calories_accurate/

[Discussion] Weird Motivation
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | 143.8 lbs | 26.18 | -51.2 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 15:25:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x6g7r/weird_motivation/
My boyfriend has never motivated me to lose weight. I think he's into bigger girls anyways, and he was still attracted to me when I was obese. I never feel the need to restrict more as a result of spending time with friends. Everyone I spend time with is, for the most part, overweight, too! Thinspo just doesn't do it for me. Instead, I come up with strange scenarios that motivate me. I daydream a lot and I'll imagine running into kids that I knew in elementary school and how they'd react to me at different weights. Sometimes I come up with other scenarios and place myself in them, at a different weight each time. I'll imagine going through security at an airport, checking out groceries, walking down the street, stuff like that. Just mundane things. Of course the thinner I am in the scenario, the better it turns out. Anybody else do something similar?

[Help] How much does Express vanity size??
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW127 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 15:04:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x6bmo/how_much_does_express_vanity_size/
Silly question, I know. But these jeans I just tried on are a fucking ZERO. They barely zip so it's not like they're comfortable or roomy or anything but... I mean are they actually like a two or what? I wish I could just be happy that they semi-fit, but I can't.

Binge eater and I need to stop!
Created: Thu Mar 2 13:48:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5um4/binge_eater_and_i_need_to_stop/

[Other] What are your favourite episodes of Supersize vs Superskinny?
Created: Thu Mar 2 13:26:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5phx/what_are_your_favourite_episodes_of_supersize_vs/

[Discussion] Does anyone else fantasize about cutting out all the fat?
/u/sternums [5'2 | literal tub of lard | F | UGW: 95]
Created: Thu Mar 2 13:22:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5osz/does_anyone_else_fantasize_about_cutting_out_all/
Not like a self harm thing, but sometimes i lie awake fantasizing about having no nerve endings and taking a scalpel and carving all of that stupid fucking fat out, and then I'm magically pretty and thin!

[Thinspo] Daily thinspo. My last post got removed.
Created: Thu Mar 2 13:18:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5nxw/daily_thinspo_my_last_post_got_removed/

BF % vs Bmi
Created: Thu Mar 2 13:17:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5nlw/bf_vs_bmi/

[Help] Am I getting paler?
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -43 | 31F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 13:12:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5mko/am_i_getting_paler/
I've lost about 35 pounds in 2 months, solely because of restricting. I try to drink more than enough water and take a daily vitamin but I feel like my skin is becoming see-through. Is this a thing?

[Other] Calories in Corn...I have been living a lie
Created: Thu Mar 2 13:12:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5mgi/calories_in_corni_have_been_living_a_lie/

[Rant/Rave] I want to be emaciated so people can't help but worry.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 133.5 | 19.7 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 13:07:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5lau/i_want_to_be_emaciated_so_people_cant_help_but/
I know this has been posted before, but I just need to get this out. I don't feel like anyone sees my pain. I want people to look at me and *instantly* be concerned. And being emaciated gets people's attention. I want to look sickly. Because then people will know how much I'm hurting.

[Rant/Rave] Giving up flour and oil "for Lent"
Created: Thu Mar 2 12:30:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5d4k/giving_up_flour_and_oil_for_lent/

[Rant/Rave] Maintenence Struggles
Created: Thu Mar 2 12:28:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5cnc/maintenence_struggles/
Maintaining is so hard. I don't think I can lose any more weight (I can elaborate about why if you want but otherwise I don't want to jam up this post). I also don't want to gain weight.
I try to up my calories to 1200-1500, but then I feel like I "went over" (even though I didn't). Then the next day I restrict. Then the day after that I try and eat cautiously, then realize I'm STILL at a deficit, then try and up my calories. But upping my calories is SO HARD. It makes me feel so bad about myself. And before I do it I get this wind of empowerment and then after I eat I get scared that it's going to make me gain a bunch of weight.
I'm still losing weight. As much as I'm celebrating inside, I know I need to maintain or else I might have some social consequences.
Fuck. Thanks for listening to me ramble.

[Rant/Rave] on vacation, just got engaged, can only think about how i'm probably gaining
/u/tinybites [24F | cw: 141.6 | gw: 115 | -43.6 lbs]
Created: Thu Mar 2 11:37:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x50g6/on_vacation_just_got_engaged_can_only_think_about/
im on mobile so please forgive the wall of text.

i'm in mexico for the next week and a half. the first night we were down here by bf of 3 years proposed to me on the balcony of our hotel room. it was so romantic and perfect. my head should be spinning with happiness and bliss but instead i'm missing my scale and thinking about how much weight i'm probably gaining here.

we're hanging out by the pool most of the day so i've been drinking like 2 pina coladas a day ( happy hour is buy one get one ) 😥 breakfast has been strictly fruit and dinner usually consists of chips and salsa. i just feel like a disgusting whale 24/7 without the reassurment of my scale. i've been logging all my food and haven't gone over 1000 cal but i can't stop thinking i'm gaining loads. ugh.

[Intro] The student I work with is really triggering???
/u/MightyMuskrats [5'2 | fat | GW 120 | -17 | 22F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 11:23:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x4x28/the_student_i_work_with_is_really_triggering/
Hi guys, I've never done a formal introduction so I guess this is kind of a mix between that and also a rant... on mobile so I can't flair unfortunately.

I've always had an unhealthy relationship with food. To my own memory I remember dealing with restrictive eating/body dysmorphia back as far as middle school but when I once brought it up to my mom during a breakdown she completely dismissed me so I don't know if I just was really good at hiding it or if I'm just misremembering...

I'm 22 now, recently graduated from my undergrad where I dealt a lot with body image issues and especially in my final semester went back to restrictive eating.. I've lost around 20 pounds since graduating in December which isn't as much as I'd like it to be unfortunately but at least it's something. I've never been formally diagnosed with an ED and I have awful anxiety so I've just lurked mostly here at r/proED because I spend a lot of time convincing myself that I'm just a fraud and that I wouldn't really be accepted if I posted, but you guys are all so supportive of everyone here so I figured with what I've been dealing with lately,
I'd ask you for advice.

Currently I'm working in special education with EBD kids, and it's amazing and I love it.... except that the main student I work with is extremely triggering. It's like he has this radar for when I'm having a bad day and always talks about food, refuses to eat the school lunch and just like incessantly talks about how he doesn't eat anything and how eating makes him sick... but he only really does it when I am picking at my own lunch which is hard enough for me as it is... how can I ignore his comments? I just don't know what to do. Nobody knows about my problems with food here, I've only been at this job for a couple months as it is, I don't want anyone to know about it and I just feel like I can't tell him to just shut the fuck up about his eating habits around me.

And the thing is, he DOES eat. He just finished a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on wheat bread, and a pudding, and every day he comes in wth fucking sweet tea and adds like 6 extra TB of granulated sugar to it. He'll raid the SPED classroom cupboards and make himself instant oatmeal with like three packets of the oats and add MORE SUGAR TO IT. When he finishes his tea syrup, he fills the bottle with water and just adds straight sugar to it????

Like can you just not bother me while I take my 20 minute lunch to chomp on these five baby carrots?

Ugh you guys I just need advice and like, I don't know, someone to calm me down because it's happened so much this week and I don't want to feel so upset by it

[Rant/Rave] Giving up Pizza (and punching people) for Lent: Long Personal Rant (Sorry!)
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:114.2🌸 BMI:20.2🌙 -30.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Thu Mar 2 11:10:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x4tz3/giving_up_pizza_and_punching_people_for_lent_long/
Okay, so I'm not Catholic, but my family is and Fiancé's family is, so we do lent. If you haven't read my other posts, basically all you need to know is I live with Fiancé's family, including his eating disordered brother (BIL), BIL's anorexic gf (AnaSIL) and his autistic, binge-eater little bro, AutisticBIL.

For lent I'm giving up liquid calories and pizza. I've already given up fast food, so it's our family pizza nights that are really fucking me over. Fiancé is giving up fast food and refined sugar. MIL is giving up soda. Everyone's being really healthy and I'm super proud of them.

Fiancé asked AutisticBIL (AB) what he was giving up and he said nothing. Which is fine - nobody is forced to participate or gets dragged to church in this house, so fair enough. But MIL mentioned that AB should consider giving up ice cream, since he's basically addicted to it. This kid has EIGHT pints in the freezer currently, and takes ALL of them out every night to eat them right from the container. He's so addicted that once, when he realized the ice cream we had sat outside (since it was below freezing out and the freezer was full of - you guessed it - MORE ICE CREAM) had melted over the course of two days, he put it BACK in the freezer and ate it. It had been sitting in 60 degree weather for over 36hours. He is seriously addicted.

But anyway, MIL mentions he should maybe give that up, or cursing, since he curses a LOT and has no filter, no matter where we are. The zoo, a funeral, church...doesn't matter, say all of the cursewords. At MIL's suggestion he FLIPS his shit, starts screaming and rampaging through the house, calling everyone and asshole and a bitch and on and on. I'm just standing there quietly making my brown rice and brussels sprouts, basically WTF-ing into space.

Eventually he ends up knocking MIL down - like, all the way down to the ground. Fiancé had to restrain him. He's punched MIL before - once at the dinner table when she asked to him take out his earbuds while eating dinner, and once while she was driving him to the doctor. He's also choked BIL. He's 24, 260+lbs, and totally out of control.

Sorry this is long, I just don't really have anyone else to talk about this with and it's hard. He's very high-functioning, went to normal college, graduated with honors, has a job, can read and write better than me. It's not that he can't help it - it's that he doesn't want to. Whenever things aren't going his way or he feels attacked, he lashes out and tries to scare everyone into backing off. I used to work with autistic folks for a living, and I can promise you that this is not "average" behavior for someone as high-functioning as him. We're trying to get him a new doctor, since I think his shitty therapist is part of the problem. He might need new medication. But what he also needs is boundaries, which he has never ONCE had in his entire, spoiled life.

He's incredibly selfish. He'll ruin entire cartons of ice cream or jars of peanut butter for everyone else by just eating out of them with a spoon or his hands, effectively "claiming" it all for himself because nobody wants to eat something after his spitty fingers/spoon have gone in the jar. Until recently, he would hog the TV in one specific room, despite having one in his bedroom and the 2nd living room that he has all to himself. No, those aren't good enough, and if you're taking a nap on the living room couch you can get fucked because he needs to watch THAT TV, RIGHT NOW, OR ELSE. It has to be It's Always Sunny repeats on full volume. I used to love that show but now I hate it because it's always on and he emulates the characters on the show now. Somehow he lived in a dorm for 2 years with no trouble, and he never acts like this when he's with their dad. It's just at home with us and his mom where he knows he can get away with it that he acts out.

I don't know. I'm just so frustrated. There are never any repercussions, boundaries, limits...nothing. There never have been, and that's why he's like this. I have worked with severely low-functioning, non-verbal people with autism who understood "don't hit!" better than this kid does.

He is allowed to eat, say, and do whatever he wants 24/7. I feel awful saying this, but he's great reverse-thinspo. He's the opposite of what I'm trying to be - large, loud, selfish...consuming everything in his path to the point there isn't enough left for others. Soaking up all the attention, food, and air in the room.

It is exhausting living with someone like this, watching everything you say or do, making sure never to leave CNN or another news source open on your laptop when you walk away because he'll see it and start screaming that all the stories are lies and you're a bitch for believing them. Being afraid to go to the zoo because there are little kids there, and he thinks that social norms dictating that we shouldn't curse in front of families with small kids are "bullshit." Being afraid to be home alone, because you never know what will set him off, and there's only one person in the house strong enough to restrain him. Having your safe foods regularly inhaled in one sitting without being asked, or ruined because he's so greedy he can't take some out of the jar and get more later, he has to eat it all straight from the jar NOW. I hate it. It's so frustrating living here sometimes. I feel so bad for him, too...I know he only acts this way because he's upset and confused now that we ARE setting boundaries for him. It all just sucks, and it contributes to my ED struggles as well because I'm afraid to go in the kitchen (his favorite hangout spot) to eat or work out. I have to put on headphones if I'm on the main floor of the house at all, because even if you say "I'm busy" his undying need for attention trumps that. The only way to get around it is to put on headphones and pretend you can't hear him, which makes me feel like an asshole. But it's that or hide in the basement all day and don't work out. Fuck that.

**TL;DR:** I'm a horrible person, but please know I work in mental health and AM familiar with autism. I have friends on the spectrum, and I judge NO ONE for having it. Please don't feel attacked by this if you or a loved one is on the spectrum. The point I'm making here is not that he's an asshole because he's autistic, it's that everyone around him has used his autism as an excuse to LET him be an asshole for his entire life, and they've created a monster. He's exactly like Satchen in the documentary [My Child Can't Stop Eating](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_PRHuuoeCs). All of the kids in that documentary have the same disorder, but only Satchen is a true jerk, and it's clearly because his family has let him do whatever he wants for so long that now that he's big enough to threaten them, they can't do anything to stop him.

[Discussion] Finding your "real" weight?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 11:08:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x4tj4/finding_your_real_weight/
How do you guys determine what you think is your real weight and what's water weight/bloating/etc.? Some days I'm two pounds up from what I was the day before even when I restrict, so I have no idea what I my weight actually is. What do you guys do?

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo. This is actually one of my friends. She posted this this morning and I'm not eating today.
Created: Thu Mar 2 10:22:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x4jb3/daily_thinspo_this_is_actually_one_of_my_friends/

[Discussion] Grocery shopping in the US
/u/vomitdogs [5'1 | 105 lbs | 19.9 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 10:15:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x4hli/grocery_shopping_in_the_us/
I just got to the US a few days ago and I'm a little overwhelmed by all the options. I'm from Europe and it seems that there are a lot more low calorie/diet options over here, I just don't know what to get!
Does anyone have any good suggestions? Mostly looking for stuff that will stay good in the pantry, snacks, etc.

Also super confused by the "calories per serving" info on the back, instead of "calories per 100gr". It makes it so difficult to figure out which item actually has the least calories!

Thank you! I don't want to annoy my boyfriend by spending hours in every aisle checking out all of the nutrional info, lol.

[Help] Have lost 8 pounds from PSMF, but having sushi tonight with important person. How do I mitigate damages?
Created: Thu Mar 2 09:46:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x4aow/have_lost_8_pounds_from_psmf_but_having_sushi/

[Discussion] DAE not have a "real" ED?
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 52.5 kg | 19.28 | 18 f]
Created: Thu Mar 2 09:25:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x465w/dae_not_have_a_real_ed/
Mine is more a symptom of stress, I think. Like, if I'm not being pressured too much and I feel like I have free time and I'm enjoying myself, no ED. But with school (and life in general) pressuring me, it kind of just showed up and decided to stay awhile

I should note that I haven't been diagnosed (or tried to be)

[Help] Concerned about damage
Created: Thu Mar 2 09:10:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x42v3/concerned_about_damage/

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Shut up body!
/u/Rikicarvu [5'8" | 115.6lbs | 17.32 | -23lbs |]
Created: Thu Mar 2 08:50:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x3ya2/shut_up_body/

[Rant/Rave] Dr. Appointment after a binge
/u/spaceppigeon [5'6 | 123 | 19.9 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 08:26:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x3t84/dr_appointment_after_a_binge/
I've never posted before, and I'm on mobile so excuse me if I do something...wrong. I also can't flair? Not even sure what that means but I see you all say that a lot.
Anyway, I binged yesterday and for the first time in a long time I didn't purge. The reasons were plentiful. I'm pretending it's because of 'recovery' but really, it was an unplanned binge right before a graduate midterm and I was running late as it was. I cried and freaked out in the parking garage but in the end I chose to be on time and somewhat clear headed for this exam. I forgot though, that I have a doctors appointment today which means they will weigh me and I am bloated and full of food. I suppose I could turn away from the scale but we all know I won't do that. That's really it. I'm just anxious.

[Goal] Re-evaluating Your Goal Weight
Created: Thu Mar 2 08:21:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x3s5o/reevaluating_your_goal_weight/
(On mobile mark as discussion please!)

So I recently saw a photo of a celebrity who is about my height (5'4") , and a few years back, she was at my goal weight (118 lbs).

Annnnnnnnd I was disappointed. Which turned into stress. Which is now making me think about setting a new UGW.

Because she didn't look like how I pictured I would look if I got down to that weight, she didn't look radiant like she hit a magic number, she just looked kinda normal and still grumpy even in designer clothes.

So I guess I want to see if anyone else changed their gw after not being happy about how other people look? What has made you change your gw in the past?

[Discussion] Does anyone else daydream about getting a job that would make them thinner?
Created: Thu Mar 2 08:16:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x3r4y/does_anyone_else_daydream_about_getting_a_job/

[Discussion] [Discussion] Weird little things we do that we know don't actually make a difference
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 08:10:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x3prb/discussion_weird_little_things_we_do_that_we_know/
I think the most ridiculous thing I do to burn extra calories is use manual doors instead of automatic when given the choice. Like really, as if opening a door will burn anything more than the teeniest fraction of a calorie.. And yet I justify it as if it's a full blown work out 😂

Other pointless things include; brushing my teeth before weighing myself, because obviously mouth dirt weighs something; choosing the lower calorie option that's actually only 1kcal lower; sticking to walking on the path instead of walking the shortcut, even if it's only an extra 3 steps; and weighing out 1g less than the serving size, which can actually sometimes make a difference but only really by a few calories.

What about you guys?

[Discussion] DAE drink because BP is much easier that way?
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.4 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 08:06:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x3oyh/dae_drink_because_bp_is_much_easier_that_way/
I've posted here in the past that I've had some issues with alcohol. I did really well and only drank twice in an entire month. (I used to drink daily) I've lost about 20lbs. It's been really awesome to be able to not drink. Not only does alcohol have a fuck ton of calories but I always eat without guilt while I'm drunk. That was my biggest problem. Well. I'll be honest. I ate almost an entire (giant) enchilada and purged almost all of it, very easily. That's something I really liked about drinking. I know that it DEFINITELY didn't do me any good health wise or especially weight wise, but in a way I loved that I could eat a ton and easily purge it, without feeling gross. Or feeling anything, really. Can anyone relate?....

[Rant/Rave] Another Bout of Emotional Distress (TM)
/u/vhenah [5'7 | 134.2 | 20.95 | -86.4 | MOO]
Created: Thu Mar 2 08:02:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x3ny9/another_bout_of_emotional_distress_tm/
I didn't want to make a post for this, but I don't feel like it necessarily belongs in the Weekly Support thread? I'm sorry to clutter the sub. My boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago. I'm pretty sure he never felt anything for me and the last two months were a giant waste of time and energy. I was the one putting effort into the relationship, I made sure to make time for him, make sure he was doing ok between stress and work and whatever. And I didn't realize until it was too late that I was being a fucking moron lmao. It just triggers me because I've never felt beautiful or genuinely wanted romantically by anyone. He threw me away so easily and without so much of a fight, which I know is a signal that I'm better off (why be with someone who won't communicate and work on the relationship right?). I still feel worthless and ashamed though.

On the very twisted brightside, it means I can throw myself back at my ED like a fatty piece of meat thrown at a lion. It's my only way of coping while I try to get into the swing of being alone again. I'm trying to find other things to fill my time so I don't dwell on everything that happened (Captain Hindsight reporting for duty) but nothing fulfills me besides the idea that I'm losing weight. I was able to fast without EC stacks for the first time yesterday and I was so happy and proud of myself, it was honestly the only thing that made me feel positive in like a week, and I only fasted because I wanted 'to do something for myself' - as fucked as that is.

idk I just felt like getting that out, I've felt really insulated from everyone I know irl in the past year and a half, so I guess I sporatically dump my thoughts here lol - sorry...

[Discussion] Free calorie counting apps?
Created: Thu Mar 2 06:51:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x3ahy/free_calorie_counting_apps/
Right now I'm using my net diary.
I like this because it doesn't judge you for how much weight you want to lose and it is willing to set your daily limit really how.
Howeverrrr...you have to set a "goal" weight to get a daily limit, and then if you don't log weigh ins it tells you you're "not on track" in red. Also, it'll change your limit on its own D:
This is anxiety inducing to me.
Are there any apps that just let you purely log your calories, without setting a goal weight?
Since my limit changes frequently I use it more as a record than anything else, and I don't really need any warnings.
Thanks! Sorry I can't flair, I'm on mobile.

Created: Thu Mar 2 06:36:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x383k/chocolate/

[Help] Can't access losertown. Any alternatives?
Created: Thu Mar 2 06:23:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x35zq/cant_access_losertown_any_alternatives/
I've been trying to access losertown for few hours now without luck. Does anyone have any good alternatives?

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support March 02, 2017
Created: Thu Mar 2 05:07:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x2uc6/weekly_emotional_support_march_02_2017/

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 02, 2017
Created: Thu Mar 2 05:07:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x2ubf/daily_food_diary_march_02_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 02, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Rant/Rave] A girl at my new job has an ED
/u/hawaiianhaole01 [5'6 | 127.2 | 20.5 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 23:23:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x1oej/a_girl_at_my_new_job_has_an_ed/
On mobile, flair as rant/rave?

She does all of the tricks that I do, she's just clearly better at it because she is wayyyy skinnier than me. Eats ice. Picks at food. Instantly shares whatever she has to eat so she doesnt eat it. Gets food, but then doesn't eat around people. Doesn't eat lunch one day, but then the next uses all of the meal card on cookies, pop tarts, chips, pudding etc. Chews gum and drinks coffee all day. Ironically we work with food so she's always around it.

It's so obvious to me, I saw it on the first day by the way she was eating a kit kat. Little nibbles and it took her 5 mins to eat one side. People say things about how she picks at food, how her arms look like she's gonna snap when she picks things up and other comments but don't say that she has and ED or anything.

I'm jealous of her control, but she's so skinny it's scary. Oddly it's not motivation, or maybe it is subconsciously because all I've eaten is salad for the last 3 days. I just wish I knew how to bring it up to her that I know and that we have something in common. Instead I'll just watch her not eat from a corner lol.

[Rant/Rave] Thought this would feel different
/u/mild-rose [5'11 | 128 |18.37| not enough | f]
Created: Wed Mar 1 22:46:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x1ius/thought_this_would_feel_different/
I'm officially underweight. But I'm still fat. I fit into a size zero. But I'm still fat.
8 more pounds. Then we'll see.

[Discussion] Cutting Bronkaid in half?
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW104 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 22:46:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x1isx/cutting_bronkaid_in_half/
So I've never used Bronkaid before but I'm going to try tomorrow. I usually drink coffee in the morning and I was going to take one then. My question is whether it is okay to break the Bronkaid in half because it doesn't look like a pill that should be broken.

Also, I'm usually pretty active and tomorrow is the day I go for a run. Is it inadvisable to be super active well taking an EC stack? Thanks in advance for any input! :)

[Rant/Rave] I finally dropped below 140 lbs!
/u/prolifictickers [5' 2" | 135 lbs | BMI 25.58 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 22:34:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x1h1x/i_finally_dropped_below_140_lbs/
I haven't been able to get over my stay in a psychiatric ward 2 years ago. I finally got the courage to see a therapist about it recently, but it's been a fucking nightmare for me. Just talking about the experience is too hard. Writing is slightly easier, but is still nearly impossible for me. I keep thinking that I'm putting myself in danger when I write about or say anything remotely personal, anywhere. Even on the internet, even anonymously, and even if I know I'm saying something that wouldn't get me hauled off to a ward. I'm so, so scared of going back to one. I'm paranoid and pathetic. ~~What the fuck is wrong with me? Kill me!~~

I finally came clean to my therapist earlier this week about my ED. I've never been diagnosed prior to my last visit with her, but I've always been weird with food. Long story short, I've been diagnosed. I know it's legit logically, but I don't feel like I'm "sick enough" to deserve a diagnosis... I know that feeling is bullshit, but I still find myself wondering, "Do I *really* have an eating disorder, or am I just making it up?"

Since then, I've found myself saying, "Fuck food. Fuck eating all together," and have been restricting my food intake out of fear, but I'm not sure what the fear behind this is coming from. Normally, when I'm restricting, I only find myself restricting successfully if other people are around. I've always been very scared of eating in front of people, and wouldn't do so unless I absolutely had to. Now I'm suddenly able to do so without "exploiting" my fear of eating in front of people, but what is the fear component behind my current behavior now? It's certainly there. I know I'm scared of eating the food itself at this point, in addition to being scared of losing control because my full button is broken and I BINGE frequently, but why the sudden change? I wonder if it's driven by shame. Hmm... Food for thought for me.

I haven't weighed myself in over a month, and I try not to weigh myself frequently because I know I will go bonkers and obsess over the number, just as I do with calories if I'm not careful. I weighed in at 135 lbs for the first time since I've been out of the ward. I was somewhere between 130 and 135 lbs before my stay, and weighed 148 lbs when I was discharged (my stay wasn't ED related, by the way). I yo-yoed between 140 and 145 lbs since then, until now. I hope I can get down to 130 lbs soon. The further away I am from 150 lbs, the better, IMO.

I wish I can just eat like a normal person, and not be scared of, or obsess over, food, eating, and weight. How do normal people do this? I try so damn hard *not* to do these things, but holy shit do I fail. Often. I hate this. Fuck me, my life, my bullshit, my stupidity, my problems, and my naivety.

The title makes this seem like a natural goal post, but I don't know if I'm going to flair it as goal, rant/rave, or help. I just want to crawl into a hole and hide, and eventually die. I want to live a short life. Or, actually, I wish I could be 5 years old again. Life was so much easier as a kid. Or hey, maybe the better wish for me is to not have been born, but it's way too late for that. Those particular wishes will never come true. I'll have to deal with the good and bad in my life for as long as I'm alive. Goddamn it... I hate being an adult.

[Discussion] If you drained me of my flaws, I would be almond milk
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 22:33:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x1gwm/if_you_drained_me_of_my_flaws_i_would_be_almond/
Seriously. That shit is so good and creamy, Jesus Christ, I have like 14 orgasms retrieving it from the fridge.

What's your favorite plant milk?

[Rant/Rave] I'm freaking out because my sister mixed up our drinks
/u/pcrnography [ -84 lbs | king of water retention]
Created: Wed Mar 1 22:04:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x1ce7/im_freaking_out_because_my_sister_mixed_up_our/
I have no idea how much regular Coke I just drank. I asked for a HUGE Diet Coke and when she handed it to me I didn't even check, I'm freaking out.

My sister said "I'm sorry, they taste the same. I know it's a calorie thing though." and my brother goes "you know, I heard our bodies process diet sodas in a way that actually leads to weight gain." and then he looked it up and started talking about how it didn't matter and if I drank any kind of soda, I would gain weight.

Yes. That's what I want to hear. That I'm going to gain weight from this. Today was supposed to be a sub 300 day. I want to die. I was already retaining water like crazy because I basically only eat popcorn and soy sauce now, and I'm sick, and I'm about to start my period. I can feel the fat cells growing under my skin. :(

[Help] Scared AF to Transition to a Sustainable Diet
/u/TarotWoman88 [5'8''| BMI 25.5 | -123 |F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 21:50:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x1a20/scared_af_to_transition_to_a_sustainable_diet/
So, I've been in a fast/refeed/binge cycle since late December. I've eaten approximately 24/68 days. I've lost 28 lbs despite perhaps 9-10 seriously horrific binges, but my hair has fallen out and I've had lots of other awful health and emotional issues. I may be the fattest person ever to lose their period from restricting. Do not recommend.

I'm going to try to transition to a protein sparing modified fast on March 5th because I promised my husband I would. Not the strictest PSMF because I'll be eating carrots and tomatoes and non-fat dairy--I made up a sample meal plan that came to about 1100 calories that I'm happy to share if anyone wants (149g protein, 18g net carbs, 4g fat). But I'm scared out of my wits.

I'm scared because even though I'll be staying in ketosis from fasting, I WILL see a 3 lb spike in my weight just from having food in my system. I'm scared that my weight loss will slow to the point I'll freak out and start the fasting cycle again. I have massive amounts of fear about two PSMF-safe foods, egg whites and dairy, but I know that doing lean meat only is a recipe for failure so I'm doing one serving of dairy a day.

Like, I'm just really freaking scared that it's all going to be an expensive, stressful, massive failure. And I realllllly wish that I could actually talk to a nutritionist who'd approach this all from a harm-reduction perspective instead of telling me that I'm disordered and should just go and eat an appropriate amount of different types of foods. My hunger cues have never been normal and I still have pounds of weight to lose to be healthy.

Looking for ANY support or advice or experience people have to share in this area. You guys are awesome.

[Rant/Rave] Mother is commenting on my weight again
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW104 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 21:37:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x17wy/mother_is_commenting_on_my_weight_again/
So I've lost a considerable amount of weight and as a result have had to buy new clothes. My mother has been kind enough to help me purchase clothes and sent me yoga pants in the mall the other day. They fit fine in the legs but were too big in the waist and butt and I told her this.

So of course she tells me "Don't worry, you will gain the weight back and then they will fit." She is ALWAYS telling me I'm going to gain the weight back and it's so frustrating. I've lost 40 fucking pounds, even if I gain some weight back I am NOT gaining back all of that. I don't understand why she always is commenting on how I am going to gain weight. It just really fucking bothers me.

But the joke is on her because I've decided to get back on track cause FUCK maintaining. After visiting 5 stores I finally found Bronkaid and tomorrow I'm going to try my first EC stack. I am determined to be 97 pounds by graduation. I don't know why but I need to be below 100 pounds. I just have to do it.

[Discussion] Lurking on healthy weight loss subs
Created: Wed Mar 1 21:37:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x17wc/lurking_on_healthy_weight_loss_subs/

[Rant/Rave] So lost and confused [exercise]
Created: Wed Mar 1 21:15:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x1496/so_lost_and_confused_exercise/
Just to begin with, sorry sorry sorry for the rant. I've been through various ED cycles for the past 6-7 years. For the past 2.5 or so, I have been fairly committed to "recovery" and while I still have pretty severe orthorexia, I got back to a somewhat healthier (bleh) weight. Mainly because I got this amazing job and my boyfriend and I have gotten so serious, things are happy. He's so encouraging and genuinely loves my body no matter what, though I have no idea why...
Plus I should note that I've always exercised and been a runner, somewhere between feeling "obligated" to run everyday and addicted to the endorphins, plus just loving it as a big of "me time" every morning

But recently, particularly within the past 7 months or so, I have really started to feel different and started haaaaating my body again

I'm stuck in this cycle of
1. I hate my body and feel large, so I run thinking that exercise will help me feel better and I also literally cannot imagine stopping exercising
2. Running makes me feel really swollen and achy, for some reason only within the past few months. But mentally i guess it still gives me that release
3. I also think that running makes me gain too much muscle in my legs/my thighs which I absolutely HATE so I talk myself into trying to run less the next day
4. I can't run less because once I start running, I don't want to stop, until afterwards where I think "I shouldn't have done that, because now I won't lose that leg muscle"
5. Running/exercise makes me hungry, but I also haven't known a life without exercise since like 7 years ago. I eat on this schedule, almost the same thing everyday, and I probably wouldn't know how to tell whether I'm "really" hungry when I'm not justifying it by a run, or when I don't have exercise driving my appetite
6. I ran so I can eat, I eat and feel guilty, wake up (at fucking 4 AM) and start the whole cycle all over again

I am so tired. I don't want these bulky legs (in reality they are probably not that big but I know I've gained some muscle and I want it gone) but I don't know how to give up running

I'm sorry for the rant, I just have these thoughts swirling around all day and I don't talk to any other people about them. So it felt good to write it out

TLDR; i just wanted to know if you guys find it easier to lose weight solely by restricting, or do you have a way of combining it with exercise where it doesn't make you feel more "bulky"? I need to drop 15 lbs and feel like my old light tiny self again and I just don't know how to get back there because it feels like nothing works. Miserable

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] One week binge free, and lost weight!
/u/foldedpapercranes [5'6'' | 105lbs | bmi 17| F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 20:23:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x0uw6/rave_one_week_binge_free_and_lost_weight/
I am not sure if it's too early to post, but it's been officially 1 week since my last binge.

I have eaten 1000-1300 calories each day. I make myself eat to 1000 if I'm under. Today I ate 1600, probably because I'd lost a pound and somehow felt like I earned desserts...but I didn't binge!

After posting in this sub I decided binging was worse than a slower loss. I was gaining and then had to suffer through restriction and hunger to make up for it. Last semester I lost weight by restricting to about 600-800 calories a day and didn't binge that much, but your hunger catches up to you. I think we are scared that if we eat more we will still binge and gain anyway and so we restrict more to make up for binges...but I'm here to announce that if you eat at a healthy deficit, you will stop binging and still lose weight!

I feel a lot better about myself! I weighed 107 today and even though I have at least 2 more to reach my lowest weight and it will take months to reach my goal (103), I feel a million times happier.

[Rant/Rave] Ending relationships because of ED
/u/cheeekyslug [5'5" | "in BND recovery" | GW: 115 | 19F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 20:22:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x0uqr/ending_relationships_because_of_ed/
I've been seeing this guy since mid January and another guy since beginning Feb and I've been so fucking off with my antidepressants for bulimia and my ED brain coming back. You know what I did? Just blocked them out of every way to contact me.

I'll regret it tonight when I'm in the mood and I need their attention but I rather be skinny and figure out everything else later. I did it last summer where sex was so boring and I didn't care about being loved. Taking 2x the amount of ephedrine and caffeine pills and then exhausting myself until I had no other choice but to sleep. The second I start feeling any joy with myself and having someone adoring the way I look, the more tempted I am to eat. I can't eat when I'm sad. And my ex's shit made me gain 20lbs and I suffered too fucking long to lose 55lbs to just gain it all back.

Sorry, I'm just so ranty right now and I just took a caffeine pill and I need to get it off my system lol.

[Help] Eating before getting a tattoo?
Created: Wed Mar 1 19:08:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x0gzm/eating_before_getting_a_tattoo/
No flair because I'm on mobile! My 18th birthday is on Friday and I have a tattoo appointment. Friends with tattoos have told me I should eat before going, but I was wondering if that is really necessary? I've been doing really well for a while now and don't really want to overeat because I'm getting dinner with my boyfriend afterwards and I do not go over 700 cal a day. So, people who have been tattooed, is it necessary to eat beforehand? If so, I will probably restrict more tomorrow in order to free up some calories for Friday. But I'd rather not eat, or eat a very light snack if I really need to. (Btw! Also wanted to celebrate reaching my first goal weight! Double digits feel so good!)

[Discussion] Same food every day?
/u/paytontanner94 [5'4 | CW 122| UGW: 112 l 25F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 18:42:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x0c5w/same_food_every_day/
I always think I have an addictive personality. I'm someone who gets obsessed with things quickly and passionately. Sometimes these obsessions/addictions last for months or years, it's always hard to tell.

One reason I think this is because I will eat the exact same foods for months at a time. For example, every day last year I had 1 cliff bar for breakfast and the same cliff bar for lunch. Every. Single. Day. I went through a period of eating exactly 6 mint mentos every day after teaching for half a year and then I just stopped one day. Now, I eat popcorn every night for dinner (last 2-3 months) and 12 mini pretzels every day for lunch or breakfast.

Is this a habit of a people who habitually restrict? Or just something everyone does?

[Other] 10 pounds from my goal and I am...disgusting
Created: Wed Mar 1 18:42:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x0c5n/10_pounds_from_my_goal_and_i_amdisgusting/
Since this May I've lost 80 pounds. I went from 202 to 122, and my goal is 110-115. I eat about 750 calories a day

Problem is...my body is disgusting. I thought by this point my stomach would be mildly flat but its still huge. My bellybutton looks like I'm morbidly obese, its just a horizontal line not a cute little circle :(. My arms hang and flop back and forth. I look the exact same as I did at 202

I can't lift because even 5 pounds is too heavy and I genuinely don't have the strength to even stand long enough, and I'm fatigued in like two seconds. I'm so afraid too because everyone says you have to eat a lot when you're lifting and weight loss stops

Wah. I just wanted to complain. I'm very sad when I thought I would be running around in the summer in skin tight tank tops but instead my body is so buttery I could be spread on toast

All this work...and I'm still a big fatty.

Slow and steady wins the race
Created: Wed Mar 1 18:05:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x0587/slow_and_steady_wins_the_race/

[Rant/Rave] Ate 800 calories today and feeling a bit guilty
Created: Wed Mar 1 17:54:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x02xl/ate_800_calories_today_and_feeling_a_bit_guilty/
I usually consume 450 calories a day, but I give myself one day per week where I can consume 800. But I realized that every time I allow myself to consume up to that much, I tend to eat very little the next day. Like I'm thinking about making my goal be 300 Cal tomorrow. Idk. I tend to feel strong when I tell myself I will eat a certain way and stick to it, whether it be eating very little or allowing myself to eat more. The fact that I make up for eating the day after allowing myself to eat more actually shows that I'm letting the other side of my mind win. This might not make sense to anyone but it kind of frustrates me a little.

[Discussion] Ed Recovery YouTube
Created: Wed Mar 1 17:02:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wzsl9/ed_recovery_youtube/
HI okay I'm so fucking obsessed with ed recovery channels and I wanted to share a few. If this is triggering let me know and I'll take it down!

[educating shanny](https://youtu.be/fkJKRphMo28)

[anonymous brahette ](https://youtu.be/dw85sppJgEY)

[recovery flower](https://youtu.be/93SNw0G0qtQ)

[Rant/Rave] Just need to vent.
/u/Indigobeet [162cm | 62kg | 24.3 | 0 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 16:37:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wznby/just_need_to_vent/
When your ex gets the hottest gf possible month and a half after breaking up

When she's absolute perfection

When you're hitting school hard and you have nothing to show

When you can't even get a hookup on tinder

When literally nothing is going for you in your life and no one appreciates you because everyone has a life of their own

When your flatmate is dirty af

I don't know whether to not eat until I faint, or to b/p right now.

[Help] Do y'all think I could get to a size 6 in a month and a half or so? [help]
Created: Wed Mar 1 16:26:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wzl6f/do_yall_think_i_could_get_to_a_size_6_in_a_month/

[Discussion] maintaining your goal weight
Created: Wed Mar 1 16:04:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wzgj4/maintaining_your_goal_weight/

[Help] How the hell do I kick this plateau in the ass?
Created: Wed Mar 1 16:01:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wzftn/how_the_hell_do_i_kick_this_plateau_in_the_ass/

[Rant/Rave] I'm suffering on 1300, when did I get this fucking weak?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 15:58:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wzf4g/im_suffering_on_1300_when_did_i_get_this_fucking/
I know it's hunger hormones, but GODDAMMIT BRAIN???? YOU LITERALLY BINGE ATE 1600 IN ONE SITTING YESTERDAY, YOU THOUGHT THIS WASNT GONNA HAPPEN??? I'm going to sit here for the next 3 hours and wait for my meal :) fuck you stomach. I'm the only one that can feed myself.

Edit: four more minutes and then I've made it :")

[Rant/Rave] Why do I do this?
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW:190lb | CW:150.1lb | GW:90lb | 27.5/28.4 | -39.9lb]
Created: Wed Mar 1 15:45:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wzcar/why_do_i_do_this/
I just went on like, a week-long binge. I hadn't been counting calories but just restricting (and choosing veggies over junk etc). But then I went to a competition and road tripped with my dad but I wanted to seem normal to him so I ate all the fast food he did and then I just never got out of that mood. I weighed in today and I gained like 8lbs again ;-; I'm back to counting for now but I can't stop beating myself up; why was I so stupid?!

[Rant/Rave] Is it possible to live 5 sec. without being reminded i'm a fuckin whale?! [rant]
/u/ultravi0lent [5' | CW: 183 lbs | SW: 211 | obese mess | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 15:28:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wz8rr/is_it_possible_to_live_5_sec_without_being/
So yesterday I tagged a friend on an article about processed meat (which doesn't contain 100% meat) and made a joke about us being vegetarian. I woke up today with comments from random people: one asking if being vegetarian made me lose weight and another answering "clearly not".

I'm fuckin crying in my bed. It's a fact I'm fat. I'm literally freaking obese and I couldn't be any more disgusted with myself. I wanna self harm and fast and binge and just. I hate myself so much.

[Rant/Rave] Doctors update (rant/rave)
/u/enfinseul [5'6 | 112.6 | 18.25 | gw👻 | f]
Created: Wed Mar 1 15:21:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wz7c4/doctors_update_rantrave/
First off thanks everyone for the advice, I just need to get this out because the past two days have been positively harrowing and difficult as fuck.

The good news is, I weighed in at 121.4 at the office. The bad news is how I had to get there which I will try to relay as entertainingly as possible so this post isn't just a pathetic rant for my own sake. But I'm not funny or witty so, storytime:

Let me preface and say I am not someone who really has periods of bingeing (binging??); I don't like how it feels and I don't like purging and I am much more a strict AN archetype. So yesterday, I was already anxious and depressed the moment I woke up anticipating this moo-day to try to bulk up for this visit. My mom was concerned so she ubered me to her house and shoved a quarter of a vegetable quiche at me so I was like "hey, I was told to salt. This is not sugar so okay," and shoved it down my throat followed by chocolate. She took me to get my nails done, I picked not-black to make her happy because apparently "lightening up" in the form of nail colour directly affects mental health. It still looks black under lowlight, so hah.

When I got back to her house I saw a huge costco-size bag of pretzel chips and at this point I'm again like "oh, salt. Hi impending bloat please help me," and a microwave and chihuahua cheese with some chalula later I was completely past the point of reprieve. Or care. Or no return. All or none.

I got to work, had some Polish jelly donut thing that was entirely all grease that could rival a Krispy Kreme, and at this point I was distended to the point of being pretty much doubled over in discomfort, having to shuffle out every two hours like Quasimodo hoping a cigarette will somehow ease stomach pain (pro tip, it does not). So I ate some chocolate at the end of my shift, you know, a reese's and a funsize kitkat because I deserve it, right? I'm getting tummyswoll, so it's just training or something, right? Surely more food helps when you're already in pain from overeating, non?

I got Ramen as suggested, ate it, and stayed up until 4:50am watching British Baking Show on PBS after eating a stack of water crackers sick to my stomach. Like, couldn't even get up to move to get to bed sick. I skipped taking my laxatives and already could feel gas and food and sadness compounding while I'm sitting on my couch basically Cartman in smugglers den (a reference, for those not perpetually stuck in either 90s or cartoon culture: http://southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com/images/shows/south-park/clip-thumbnails/season-10/1006/south-park-s10e06c09-smugglers-den-16x9.jpg? ) and hoping the next day would end exactly like that episode did (though I don't think laxatives turn shit into fake gold, or real gold, last I checked).

I woke up very late, was waddling around trying to find anything I could to weigh me down whilst realizing I am poor as fuck also what do I have, really, that would make some sort of difference? Layered, leggings under jeans with a belt, 3 shirts and a hoodie I could keep on through BP measurement, heaviest necklace and watch, a fucking laptop charger wrapped around my neck under my scarves, and then I realiced once I should well have been on the metro at this point that oh! I like perfume, and have a lot, and those are heavy! So I grabbed two of the biggest bottles that could feasibly hide in pockets and again waddled out the door, very very very late with one of those diet coke cans that looks like a 40 and a waterbottle that I all somehow managed to finish in the span of my transit.

The metro was slow as fuck, and I got to the appointment so late that I basically had the nurse so pre-distracted by my negligence for basic human courtesy as well as the clock that she weighed me shoes on, layers on, and probably all that pain for nothing. When I got into the exam room I threw the perfume in my bag so my hips weren't mutant geometry, and thus it went off without a hitch, really.

So now, I've shoved laxatives down my throat once more and they sort of started to work through my therapy session and I'm walking around city proper like a black market knockoff perfume vendor (except these are real perfumes tyvm), miserable and bloaty but grateful to all of you and ready to get all of this poison out of my body because I literally feel like an overstuffed balloon ready to pop. Hopefully espresso and cigarettes will make these pills be like "ohai lower digestive tract, we remember you-- here is one more assault that you didn't receive yesterday. Did you miss Daddy? Bow to me." Hopefully.

Needless to say back on track, but I will probably hate the scale for a day or two -- what is the time water weight takes to expel again? I hope you all are having a far more comfortable day than I am -- it's gloomy out here but I like it that way. How is everyone else?

[Rant/Rave] kind of furious right now
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 133 | SW: 140 | F/18]
Created: Wed Mar 1 14:43:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wyyoo/kind_of_furious_right_now/
so my school requires you to go on a retreat and a girl that gave a talk was this soft spoken 23 year old who spoke about having an eating disorder. it was riddled with cliches and she basically said, very simply, it was because she wanted to be pretty like the girls in magazines. cue my eyes rolling. i was so uncomfortable, i was sitting in the front and tried to avoid all eye contact. most of all, i was pissed because this 23 year that is apparently recovered is MUCH, much skinnier than me. I'm so petty.

What's the most inappropriate/ shameful thing your ED has led you to do ?
Created: Wed Mar 1 14:28:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wyvc1/whats_the_most_inappropriate_shameful_thing_your/

[Other] 24h fast after huge binge...
/u/Lady_Anarchy [169cm | CW: 54kg | GW: 52kg | BMI: 18.94 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 14:20:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wytfs/24h_fast_after_huge_binge/
yesterday was my birthday. so I got really high. and I mean, REALLY. and normally I don't get munchies but this time it was insane. I binged, and I binged, and I binged. in paranoia, but also hunger.

I couldn't look at myself today. a year older, and several kilos heavier. so I didn't eat today. anything. I only walked. a lot.

so there's that...

[Other] Caved and turned on TLC
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 148.2 | -48lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Wed Mar 1 14:19:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wyt9t/caved_and_turned_on_tlc/
My guilty pleasure. My 600lb Life is on and it's crazy how similar the opposite ends of the spectrum can be. This episode is quite sad and contrary to what my boyfriend thinks I don't hate fat people (I am one????) I was literally obese a month ago.

But anyway it's crazy that this guy said that he's always eating and when he's not, he's thinking about that he's going to eat next. It's literally the same for me, except I don't eat, but I'm always thinking about food. This particular guy was abused and so he ate everything.
For me, I was also, so I ate until I didn't. But it's just so sad seeing it. I know what it's like to have an undying appetite. I just can't let myself have anything.

Idk, I should turn the tv off lol

Edit: phrasing

[Discussion] Anyone else feel healthier when restricting (even though you know you're absolutely not)?
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Wed Mar 1 14:15:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wysfj/anyone_else_feel_healthier_when_restricting_even/
I know I'm not. I know doing this, to this extreme, is bad for me and if kept up *will* kill me, or do irreversible damage.. if it hasn't already.

But the last few months when I was eating, I felt rotten in the end. At first I had all this energy, but then a couple of weeks on I just felt bloated, and weighed down, and lethargic. So, so lethargic and tired, and unmotivated.. heavy and like my whole body was 'clogged'. Even without any binges in sight, even when they didn't happen.. eating felt awful, physically (even disregarding emotionally..).

I don't know whether that's because my body was 'recovering' or 're-learning how to deal with food' or whatever, whilst I was eating more? Anyone know anything about how that works?

But either way, getting back to restricting I am slowly feeling better. More energy, not so unmotivated, lessened bloat, not so 'bogged down' and heavy.. clearer, somehow. Dizzy sometimes and lacking as much strength, sure, but overall feeling much better.

Or am I *not* feeling better, it's just that I'm more *used* to this feeling?

Who knows.

Any one else have experiences like this?

[Help] Question about oatmeal!
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 13:53:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wynjp/question_about_oatmeal/

[Help] How/when to use electrolyte tablets?
Created: Wed Mar 1 13:51:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wyn4r/howwhen_to_use_electrolyte_tablets/

[Discussion] Is anyone else here in recovery from drugs/alcohol? Need support.
Created: Wed Mar 1 13:23:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wygot/is_anyone_else_here_in_recovery_from_drugsalcohol/

[Discussion] Waiting on the "woosh" - whats your biggest/best woosh stories after a plateau?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 11:45:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wxud1/waiting_on_the_woosh_whats_your_biggestbest_woosh/
I've been at my new 3 month low for 3 days 156.8 each day and then today only 156.2. I've had a deficit of at least 1000 cal a day minimum and I'm not really seeing the results. Hoping within the next two days it'll happen! (Eating about 800 cal a day and burning off about 300+ cal at the gym daily).

I'd love to hear from others goin through this as it's sort of my first plateau since I've started loosing.

On mobile can't flare. Discussion.

[Other] [other] Going in to get an official assessment today..
/u/desperate_housecat [5'2" | CW: 116 GW: 109 UGW: 99 | 21.2 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 11:36:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wxscb/other_going_in_to_get_an_official_assessment_today/
I'm oddly terrified. No matter what they tell me, it won't be good. Either I don't have a disorder and I'm just silly and self-centered, or I do have a disorder that I will then have to deal with.

I wish I wasn't so ambivalent about the idea of getting better..

[Other] 200 cals a day for a week
Created: Wed Mar 1 11:22:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wxp60/200_cals_a_day_for_a_week/

[Other] Losing weight until I die is the only way to get relief I can control.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 133.5 | 19.7 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 11:05:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wxl2o/losing_weight_until_i_die_is_the_only_way_to_get/
My best and only friend is moving far away in a year and a half. For whatever reason, I just now started feeling the overwhelming sadness and hopelessness resulting from that knowledge that the only person with whom I have a good relationship will be gone. I guess I had been suppressing it until now. Sure, we can talk on the phone and Skype and text and whatnot, but it won't be enough at all. I *so desperately need* the face-to-face interaction and physical contact from someone with whom I share a mutual love.

I can't control other people. I can't control whether I can get a job where he lives after he moves. I can't control whether I can find other people I love. *I can only control myself*. So the only way I can control whether or not I get relief is through ending my own life. The **only** other ways I can feel relief from the intense emotional pain I feel every day involve other people. And I can't control others.

My survival instinct is telling me to live. It's telling me to be scared of death. But, when I think of living life without relief or fulfillment, that part of me doesn't have an answer.

[Rant/Rave] I'm scared of reaching my goals, and still being unhappy.
/u/invisibone [5'5" | CW 118.6 | F |]
Created: Wed Mar 1 11:00:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wxjup/im_scared_of_reaching_my_goals_and_still_being/
I was so incredibly happy on Saturday when I reached 129.6. Today, only five days later, I am 125.5. I have been intermittently fasting, and staying under 450 in a day, but I have never dropped this quickly. I thought it would continue to be a struggle, and take time, and focus. I wouldn't even believe it if I wasn't a crazy person with two scales.

I couldn't seem to feel the same excitement as Saturday. It was almost a dread of reaching 111 too fast and not having anything to occupy my mind. Or maybe deciding 111 isn't low enough for me.

I'm so unsure of my emotions and what I want or need today. Please discuss and share if you have any similar confusions :/

[Help] Accidentally passing on unhealthy habits
Created: Wed Mar 1 10:49:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wxh8r/accidentally_passing_on_unhealthy_habits/
Mobile so can't flare, apologies.

I'm starting to worry, I live and work with my Boyfriend and he has started to pick up my calorie counting habits, which in a sense is safe for me because I can keep them low without him raising an eyebrow. But how selfish of me is that! I feel like he's also picked up some body dysmorphia from me too. He's quite muscly because he plays lots of sport but he's 5"8 and a size small in his clothes, yet he's seen the way I measure and examine myself, he has seen how hard I can be on myself and he has started to do the same. I feel awful as once this ED grips you, you're fucked! I'm sure you'd all agree with me that you would not wish these thoughts and these disorders on anybody!

I feel so guilty, he doesn't have an ED but I can see the bad effect my own mental state is having on him. Has anyone else experienced this or do you have any tips of what I can do to reverse this effect I've had on him?

[Thinspo] Holy moly look at Ariana's throwback!
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 10:39:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wxeyc/holy_moly_look_at_arianas_throwback/

[Discussion] clothing rules/safe clothes?
/u/typenaz [5'0| lol | -26 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 10:23:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wxbax/clothing_rulessafe_clothes/

On mobile so I can't flair, sorry! [discussion]

does anyone have clothing rules or safe clothes or am I just weird???

for example, If I'm going out in public I have to wear a long sleeve shirt at least a size big for me, and it has to go up to my neck, and leggings have to be baggy, and not tight. I have a ton of clothes but I never dress nice& wear the same sweatshirts/leggings/sweatpants, cause they make me feel safe and not huge

[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] what a good day
Created: Wed Mar 1 09:48:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wx34u/rantrave_what_a_good_day/

[Help] letting ana go book
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 142.4 | 20.7 | GW2 145 | GW3 139]
Created: Wed Mar 1 09:02:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wwsdp/letting_ana_go_book/
Has anyone read a book similar to letting ana go? I just read it and loved that it was an ED book that also had a little love story. It was a good, easy read. Any other suggestions? I've already gone through the library on this page. If not, what is your favorite ED book?

Way To Go Wednesday March 1, 2017
Created: Wed Mar 1 08:28:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wwjvt/way_to_go_wednesday_march_1_2017/

Daily Food Diary! March 1, 2017
Created: Wed Mar 1 08:28:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wwjoj/daily_food_diary_march_1_2017/

[SURVEY] rEDdit survey!
Created: Wed Mar 1 08:28:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wwjmz/survey_reddit_survey/

Daily Food Diary! February 29, 2017
Created: Wed Mar 1 08:26:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wwj81/daily_food_diary_february_29_2017/

[Help] breakdown
/u/hayley_ [5' 10| 141 | 20.2 | -135 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 08:26:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wwj6i/breakdown/
I am sitting in my car in the parking lot of my university sobbing because I don't have anyone left in my life. I have one friend who actually cares about me and she lives three hours away from me, when I do see her I feel fat and disgusting because she is everything i could ever want to be.
I feel like no guy will ever want to be with me and I spend hours picking myself apart trying to figure out what is so wrong with me. I feel completely helpless and at the risk of sounding over dramatic I just want to end it all so I won't have to keep suffering like this. I am fucking fat and I'm not losing weight because I am pathetic weak ugly mess.
I am scared to go into town alone in case I see one of the people from my old life that tell me to leave them alone.
I hate being recognized, I want to crawl into a hole in the ground with my friends vodka, cocaine, cigarettes, and weed.
I want to stop existing I want to be numb and as small as I can possibly get.
I want people to see me and be scared, I want them to think I'll faint at any moment.
fuck it, I WANT to faint all the time if it means I can be fragile and beautiful.
I hate myself and I hate life and I can't handle this much longer if things don't get better for me, I am going to fail out of school because I can't ever summon the motivation to go to my classes.
I am human garbage please just put me in the dump where I belong, I hate myself.

[Rant/Rave] I've Always Looked Good In Green
Created: Wed Mar 1 05:05:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wvb2p/ive_always_looked_good_in_green/
I'm so sick of food. I don't want to shop for it, I don't want to prepare it, I certainly don't want to eat it, and I don't want to have to wash the dishes afterwards. I feel sick when I eat, I feel sick when I don't eat. It's exhausting.

I would happily spend the rest of my life with green skin if it meant I could photosynthesize like a plant and never have to deal with food again.

On mobile, can't flair: RANT/RAVE

[Discussion] Reguritation question...
Created: Wed Mar 1 04:14:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wv2mu/reguritation_question/
I was wondering has anyone else experienced this? I consistently am burping back up food that I have eaten (when I do it) into my mouth and been forced to swallow it. It happens after everything - it's not acidic nor vomit like. It is the food coming right back up without trying. I think it is often called rumination syndrome. I definitely have it and it is gross.

[Discussion] Lent
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 145lbs | BMI 21.47 |- 19lbs | GW 130lbs | 24F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 00:52:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wu6hw/lent/
I'm not particularly religious (agnostic) but I always find Lent is a good time for me to reset and break bad habits. For Lent im going to give up pasta and bread, because pasta is my nemesis and bread is dangerous for me (I can't stop!). Hopefully I'll see results by Easter. (I've told my boyfriend not to get me an easter egg but if he wants to get me anything then please get me sunflowers - I know what he's like!)

Anyone else giving something up for Lent ?

Happy Wednesday beautiful people 🌻

[Other] Check-out worker: wow, you sure like apples, huh?
/u/babylemonadexx [5'7" 🌈 | 110 🍦| 16.7 🍟 | F 🌸]
Created: Wed Mar 1 00:52:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wu6h5/checkout_worker_wow_you_sure_like_apples_huh/
Inner me: dude, YES. I know these are less than 100 calories each but I always like to round up, just to be safe, you know? Always better to overestimate! Kinda weird how you could apply the same logic to bananas and yet they scare the shit outta me. I know strawberries and grapes are seriously low-cal but I tend to avoid them because I could probably eat about 5 kilos of each. Not so low-cal then. Also, these aren't even my favourite brand of apples so I never really crave them. I just like having at least 5 packs in my room because they're one of my ultimate safe f--

Outer me: haha, yeah they're cool.

*Representative of about 98% of my food-related conversations*

[Discussion] ED related dreams
/u/AbandonEarth [:'(]
Created: Wed Mar 1 00:49:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wu62s/ed_related_dreams/
Hey guys, I can’t sleep so I thought I’d tell you about dream I once had.

Strap in for a wild ride.

I was in a grocery store desperately craving mint oreo cookies, but didn’t have any money so I attempted to steal them (completely out of character for me)! An employee caught me trying to stuff the package under my shirt and I ended up running out of the store and into the night.

Now, if I woke up there that would be strange enough, but it gets way crazier. It was dark, raining, and I was devouring them in my car on the side of the road when a police car speeds by, immediately makes a u-turn, and pulls up to me. The officer arrested me not because I stole, which he knew, but because he told me it was illegal to for me to eat. Let me reiterate: not illegal to steal, not illegal for anyone else to eat, but illegal for me specifically to eat. Next thing I remember I was bawling my eyes out in front of a judge admitting to my crimes. I felt so guilty and ended up getting the death penalty while my family looked on disappointingly.

It’s hilarious and absurd to look back on now, but I was so panicked when I woke up haha.

Anyways, do you guys have any eating disorder related dreams? If so what?

/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'5" | CW fat | -5 | GW 120 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 23:41:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wttyy/sadbingeing/
On mobile, but help/discussion.

Does anyone else struggle with eating for emotional comfort? How in the ever-loving fuck do you control it, or the absolute emotional turmoil that comes with it?

I had a good day today and a really good week or so, but my depression just got the best of me tonight and I had an awful conversation with my boyfriend. As soon as I got home, I opened the fridge and saw my family had gotten pizza (I don't eat at home). I scarfed down three slices, which is awful in itself because they were pepperoni and I'm vegetarian, chugged down a glass of milk, then cried like an idiot about it five minutes later.

Now not only is my stomach killing me from shoveling so much trash in it, I know I just completely threw away all the progress I've made.

Also tips for throwing up for people without gag reflexes would be welcomed.

[Discussion] Make the most of March. What are your goals this month?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 22:42:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wtih4/make_the_most_of_march_what_are_your_goals_this/
Welcome to March. We're now two months into the year (pause for mild horror realization) and I hope everyone is doing well.

I find short term goals work better for me and having small monthly goals that help accomplish that. Easy to focus on goals you can see sooner. Losing 50 pounds can seem daunting, but working on 5 at a time is manageable.

Tell me some of your goals this month.

[Help] Testosterone for weight loss?
/u/LibraryLuLu [H165 | CW73 | WL69kg | GF66]
Created: Tue Feb 28 21:08:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wszv6/testosterone_for_weight_loss/

[Help] Is there a way to change the total cals for the day in mfp?
Created: Tue Feb 28 20:20:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wsqgg/is_there_a_way_to_change_the_total_cals_for_the/

[Help] Juggling my education and my eating disorder
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 20:17:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wspv6/juggling_my_education_and_my_eating_disorder/
I know I am not the only person on this sub who is also in college, so maybe this will resonate with someone or somebody will have some advice as to how to manage.
I am in my senior year of college. Academics have always been my ~thing~ but now, my mental health has deteriorated to the point where I just... can't. I am supposed to be writing not one but TWO senior theses. I literally feel crushed by the weight and pressure of it all.

I feel like I am being crushed under the weight of everything. Like I can't breathe. All I can think about is this stupid fucking disorder. It's just a constant stream of :calories, carbs, sugar, eat less, run more, smaller, smaller, smaller. I am so tired. I don't even think I WANT to be any smaller. I don't even want any of this anymore. I want to graduate college. I want to be normal. I want to eat a meal with my boyfriend without crying in the bathroom.
Anyway, I digress. The point is I am fairly sure this whole thing is going to cost me my education, or at the very least my (formerly 3.9) GPA. Has anyone found a way to juggle this all successfully? Does anyone have tips for how to maintain focus and motivation when you are anxious and depressed and probably slightly malnourished?

Sorry for the long post. I just am really in a bad place and at a loss for somebody to turn too.

[Discussion] Excersize
/u/borrow_our_light [5'7| 134.4lbs | 21.78 BMI | -27.2lbs | F | GW 115]
Created: Tue Feb 28 19:41:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wsil2/excersize/
I feel like I get addicted to things very quickly it's just in my nature. I have, since freshman year of college, developed a dependance on alcohol and weed.
About 3 weeks ago me and my bests friend and his girlfriend decided to start going to the gym on Tuesdays and thursdays. That was great and fun, it's a lot of fun to hang around them when there's no food. And then the week after that I went 2 days by myself and 2 days with them. The week following I went five days. And now all I can think about is needed to go everyday.

Does anybody else get obsessive and addicted to things like this?

Sorry on mobile can't flair

[Rant/Rave] Tried to recover on my own and gained 15 pounds, hate myself (before/after included)
Created: Tue Feb 28 19:25:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wsfdm/tried_to_recover_on_my_own_and_gained_15_pounds/

[Rant/Rave] My job is killing me!
Created: Tue Feb 28 19:14:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wsdfh/my_job_is_killing_me/
Ok this is my first post and I'm on mobile and I'll probably fuck this up, so sorry if I've done this wrong but anyway... I work in a grocery store and have since the end of December and ever since working there it's been so hard for me not to binge constantly or choose unhealthy options to eat... like if I have a break or something I won't be able to not eat and it's always something unhealthy and fattening like cookies or whatever. The other thing is that everyone else I work with is constantly eating junk also so even when I try to resist for myself, I get offered really fattening food and people notice if I say I'm not hungry all the time? I don't know what to do, I need the job and I like some aspects of it but it's so physically and mentally taxing for me I've gained like 20 pounds and I hate it.... I'm not sure where I'm even going with this, I guess it's like a rant or whatever but if anyone has tips or something I would love to hear them...

[Help] Any Spring Break Advice?
/u/SusanBAnina [5'7"| CW132.8| GW112 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 19:13:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wsd8w/any_spring_break_advice/
Long time lurker but this is my first post because I am freaking out! My friends have planned this great spring break road trip which sounds super fun. But, all I can think about is what I'm going to eat. They have planned out all of these restaurants we're going to interspersed with fast food while we're on the road. The worst part is the last day of the trip ends with my first alterations appointment of my wedding dress. None of them know about my ED and I don't want anyone to ask me questions so does anyone have any advice to get them to not question anything. I am so scared about gaining weight on this trip I can't even look forward to it.

[Help] What are the truly calorie free sweeteners??
Created: Tue Feb 28 18:38:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ws6bm/what_are_the_truly_calorie_free_sweeteners/

[Discussion] I lasted two days
Created: Tue Feb 28 17:46:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wrvk1/i_lasted_two_days/

[Discussion] Eating back exercise calories?
/u/amberinthewoods [5'2.5" | 120.4 | 22.36 | -50 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 17:33:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wrsmw/eating_back_exercise_calories/
I'm sorry, I'm on mobile so I can't flair! I was wondering what everyone's thoughts were on eating back exercise calories? I enjoy running, but it is so exhausting and I can never get past like 1.5 miles when I'm eating 800cal/day because I just get knocked on my ass. But, I'm always afraid to eat MORE because, like, what if I can't make it to the gym? Or, what if I'm not calculating what I burned correctly? Do I give up a healthy activity I enjoy because I can't properly gauge what my intake and output are? What do you guys do?

[Other] I just got challenged to eat a pound of meat by my boyfriend [other]
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 17:19:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wrp87/i_just_got_challenged_to_eat_a_pound_of_meat_by/
No flair mobile

So my boyfriend and I got barbecue and he said he bet I couldn't eat a pound of brisket. LOLOLOL bitch I've eaten that and far more on an AVERAGE binge. Gonna save up all my cals and destroy that meat. I should put some money on the bet because there is no chance he's winning this one

[Discussion] How the hell do people lose 2lbs a week without restricting?
Created: Tue Feb 28 16:33:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wrdaz/how_the_hell_do_people_lose_2lbs_a_week_without/

[Other] School lunches are the worst
Created: Tue Feb 28 16:02:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wr59t/school_lunches_are_the_worst/
The past few days I've been not eating all morning then binging later in the day. I can go a while without eating, but it seems that (if I'm not perfectly happy and content with my life at a given point in time) once I start eating, it's very hard to stop.

Today I didn't eat until lunch time, but then once I got to the cafeteria, I binge ate. Not as badly as I usually would, but ingesting at least 1700 calories' worth of food within maybe twenty minutes is still not exactly something I'm happy about. The worst part is (well, second worst part) this was around my friends, too! I hate myself for being such an impulsive glutton. I think the actual worst part was that after I got back to class, I asked to be excused to go to the washroom (to purge, but I didn't tell anyone that for obvious reasons). When I try to make myself throw up, though, I'm really loud, so I had to stop before I could really get anything up because in a school bathroom there's hardly any privacy and I didn't want anyone to hear. So of course, once I get back to class, my breath smells horrible both cause of what I ate and the stuff I ate coming back up, and I'm just kind of a mess, I guess. I'm about ready to give up on eating lunch at school just in general cause I don't seem to be able to handle not eating an absurd amount and embarassing myself, then hating myself cause I slipped up. *Sigh*

[Help] Help a homie out
/u/pencilwonder [175cm | why | NB]
Created: Tue Feb 28 14:11:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wqf03/help_a_homie_out/

[Rant/Rave] How is this happening? ugh [Rant]
/u/rizzie_ [5'2F CW:136.8 GW:110]
Created: Tue Feb 28 14:05:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wqdxh/how_is_this_happening_ugh_rant/
For those of you on mobile -- I'm 5'2. Was 135.6 on 2/23.

So for the past 2 weeks, I've been good. Eating DEFINITELY less than 1000cal each day, usually less than 700. And I started running, usually a little over 2 miles each day. And I did my best to hit at least 5mi//10,000 steps total according to my fitbit.

Then my family visited me (I'm in college) for one day, on Saturday. And I binged so bad. Probably hit 2000cal, and if I went over even that I wouldn't be surprised.

I knew that it was just one bad day, though, so I got back on track. Continued with my running and active walking, continued to eat less (although as I exercise more, I eat more, I still don't go above 1000).

And I didn't weigh myself until today, Tuesday, because I wanted to make sure the binge was out of me and I wasn't holding onto the water. And what happened?

**I STILL GAINED.** Now I'm up 1.2lbs, to 136.8! Are you fucking kidding me? How is this thermodynamically possible? I literally MUST have lost weight over the course of the last week--could I have actually gained that AND an extra POUND because of one bad day??

I'm so furious! I have a really ambitious goal (lose 25 lbs in 8 weeks), so I can't afford shit like this. I can't. I can't fucking believe this.

Is it possible this is water weight? From the binge or from beginning to exercise? Does anyone have any knowledge they can impart on me so that I can feel better? Is there any way this is a mistake??

[Rant/Rave] Update: Compromise between ED and fitness
Created: Tue Feb 28 14:05:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wqdu6/update_compromise_between_ed_and_fitness/

[Discussion] Purgers: how are your teeth
Created: Tue Feb 28 13:37:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wq8zg/purgers_how_are_your_teeth/
I'm a daily purger 1-3 times a day for 3 years. I just went to the dentist this morning and they were raving about my beautiful teeth. I did have one cavity (have had maybe 3 my whole life) but they blamed the shape of my tooth (deep fissures) are more prone to getting cavities because they're harder to clean. It scares me each time to go to the dentist but I'm just wondering if anyone ever been called out by the dentist or alerted their parents?

[Help] Just got on birth control, a little nervous and I need some advice.
/u/tryingthen [5'4" | 124 | 21.3 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 13:26:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wq772/just_got_on_birth_control_a_little_nervous_and_i/
Sorry mods, I'm on mobile.

So this morning I got the little birth control arm rod injected into my arm! I'm excited because yay no periods WOO.
But. I'm also nervous because whenever I talk to other women about birth control they all admit to gaining weight while on it.

What are your experiences with birth control?
Is weight gain inevitable?

[Discussion] Coconut oil fast; can't flair (discussion)
Created: Tue Feb 28 13:25:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wq6z0/coconut_oil_fast_cant_flair_discussion/

[Help] What do I say to housemates who keep commenting on my calorie counting????
Created: Tue Feb 28 12:55:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wq23n/what_do_i_say_to_housemates_who_keep_commenting/
Hi all!! This is my first post here after being a long term lurker. Thank you for all your posts so far, they're making me feel so much better and it's so comforting to know there's others like me 😊

I count my calories everyday, so that I don't go over my limit. Recently my housemates have started commenting on this and making me feel really uncomfortable as it puts me in a place where I don't know what to say back. Yesterday one of them asked "are you REALLY weighing vegetables?" and today one said "you don't need to do that. You're not exactly what I'd call big...".

What do I say back to this? How do I get them to stop commenting on the fact that I'm counting calories? They always push me to eat and I can never really say no (about an hour ago they made me eat a slice of chocolate cake - 428 calories!!! - so now I'm severely over my days limit and feeling really upset 😩). I know they mean no harm and they just want to make sure I'm okay, but them commenting makes me feel so self conscious and uncomfortable as I feel it puts my ED in the spotlight. They don't know I have an ED but they're all aware that I'm very fussy with food and count every single calorie I eat.

Thank you so much for your help and I promise I'll start posting here more often!!! 🙂

[Rant/Rave] Triggered. Literally.
Created: Tue Feb 28 11:58:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wpspa/triggered_literally/
Okay so ive had my mom on facebook as a way to communicate since i left home a year ago. Bored, i went through her pictures. And guess what i see? Pictures of me before i was weight restored. Can you say "kill me"? One of them really stood out. Mostly because my legs in this picture were so thin. And long looking. (I'm 5'4) i didn't realize I'd gotten that thin bc when i was that size, i felt so fat. Now, about 50 pounds later, i understand what fat is and i NEED to get back to that size. I can't even fit the pants i was wearing in that picture. Ughhhhhh.

[Rant/Rave] Running / hemp / involuntary purging
/u/eatlilbird [5'3" | 96.8lb | 17.1 (17.6 new) | -51.2lb | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 11:00:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wpixe/running_hemp_involuntary_purging/
What the hell?? I just threw up my breakfast, not on purpose.

Had some tummy pain this morning but I pooped and did yoga and I thought it was better. I was gonna run today.

Tried my new pre run breakie with added hemp for day 1 of increased intake plan. Only difference was 2 tsp of hemp, about 50 cal more than normal breakie. Felt a little tingly in my mouth, like a real mild allergic reaction (never tried hemp before)

Then about half hour later, tummy felt weird. Very nauseous. Sat on the toilet, thought I had to go. Came out both ends. Sorry, tmi. I usually have a really hard time and I rarely puke but it all just came up.

Not sure what to do now. Was it the hemp or am I just coming down with something? I wanted to run today, gawdamn. Do I eat again? Skip the run? Son of a bitch. What should I do? Sorry, can't flair on mobile

[Discussion] What's your aesthetic?
Created: Tue Feb 28 09:58:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wp5gv/whats_your_aesthetic/

[Discussion] DAE not believe they lost weight?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 09:16:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wovqx/dae_not_believe_they_lost_weight/
I hit my highest weight on new years (with a lot of food in my stomach and a lot of water weight) and since then am down 13.2lbs but mentally I feel like I haven't lost it. Like that's just all water or food weight and could be back tomorrow. I know that's impossible and I'm fitting into smaller clothes and have lost an inch off my waist but it's messing me up. Could this be a part of my EDNOS?

On mobile can't flare.

[Goal] Hit my first goal, immediately set a new one
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 08:44:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wootr/hit_my_first_goal_immediately_set_a_new_one/
So I finally hit my 30 pound goal after fighting with the last 3 pounds for 2 weeks. Instead of celebrating I set a new goal of another 20 pounds. I've also decided that I'm not cutting my hair until I can maintain the 50 total loss for at least 6 months. (My hair is super thick and heavy so I figure it should be a good reminder)

[Discussion] Do you guys think bread is worth it?
Created: Tue Feb 28 08:20:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wojqd/do_you_guys_think_bread_is_worth_it/
I just want your opinions! With bread I don't mean like super dark rye bread, but pretty standard white bread, maybe light brown bread with a few seeds. The kind that most people (that aren't health conscious) would buy. Is it worth the calories for you? If you were to choose between eating the same amount of calories fruit, oatmeal and bread, which one do you think is more satisfying??

I really love bread but I feel like there are other stuff I can eat to keep me fuller and not binge on. Is bread empty carbs, not satisfying?? Well in your personal opinion!

[Rant/Rave] Had a long weekend of binge drinking, woke up 9lbs heavier WTF????
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -52lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Tue Feb 28 07:56:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5woesh/had_a_long_weekend_of_binge_drinking_woke_up_9lbs/
So a series of parties, celebrations and one very cute guy friend in town caused me to basically lose all sense of control and drink myself into a stupor from Thursday into yesterday. It was mostly like, beer, which is really horrible. But seriously, almost a 10lb increase on the scale? I want to drop dead. How could I be so stupid and careless and STUPID?? All of my hard work is gone over what amounts to a very long weekend. Now I'm spazzing and trying to plan my next few weeks to get back on track.

I hate this! My brain doesn't know how to have anything in moderation anymore.

[Other] Happy surprise
Created: Tue Feb 28 07:51:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wodt4/happy_surprise/
I had to get a blood test in December and the results were... not good. And my doctor wanted a follow up. So I did not weigh myself for the whe month. I didn't go on here, I ate normally, and my second test had great results! But I was so scared to see how much I gained. So it took me until last week to weigh myself for the first time since december. Aaaaaand I was 120! Which is the highest weight I am comfortable with! Now I can focus on losing again ❤

[Goal] Taking control of that "gaining and losing the same ten pounds" loop
/u/notyourtoy [5'8" | 126 lbs | 18.95 BMI | -37 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 07:04:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wo51y/taking_control_of_that_gaining_and_losing_the/
Hello lovelies. It's been a while. <3

I work in a gym. Lately I've been dealing with my ED by lifting the heaviest weights I can and pouring all my energy into the numbers on the plates instead of the ones on the scale. So I've been quiet in this place because I feel like what I'm doing wouldn't help most of you.

Of course we all know those scale numbers are still buzzing around in my head though. So I decided to gain ten pounds. On purpose. It was scary and awful but I did it. It took 5 months, my lifts got bigger, I got stronger, and I gained 10 pounds. Then I decided to lose them again. In the fitness world they call this "bulking and cutting."

I've already lost a pound, three days after deciding to, and this makes me feel so powerful. More than just losing, choosing to gain and lose at will is giving me the biggest ED high I've ever had. I feel godlike in my control over my own body. Such a rush!

Plus this system of gaining weight while lifting heavy and then losing it again is recomping my body in a really exciting way. My tummy is getting tight and flat, my arms are toned, my legs almost actually look good for the first time in my life and I'm starting to be a cutie with a booty!

Muscle burns more calories than fat does at rest, so I am losing weight at 1600 calories this time where last winter I had to restrict to 700 to lose anything. So that's also fun.

AND muscle doesn't jiggle.

I highly recommend the bulk/cut cycle for anyone who wants to take even more control. I'll probably spiral into insanity again soon because well, it's me, haha. But for now this is very exciting.

[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A February 28, 2017
Created: Tue Feb 28 05:15:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wnnfk/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_february_28_2017/

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 28, 2017
Created: Tue Feb 28 05:15:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wnnf6/daily_food_diary_february_28_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for February 28, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Rant/Rave] Stupid brain
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 05:11:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wnmq0/stupid_brain/
My boyfriend's out of town for work and I suddenly have less than zero desire to eat. All I want to do is drink black coffee and shrink and shrink and shrink. Lol @ me attempting to be normal.

[Rant/Rave] Welp, Tums seem to be magnificent.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [28/F | SW: 105kg | CW: 51kg | GW 1: 45kg ( UGW: 39.9kg )]
Created: Tue Feb 28 04:39:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wnim4/welp_tums_seem_to_be_magnificent/
I woke up too early this morning hungry as hell, and decided to eat something so I could get back to sleep and not feel bingey today. Did that, felt confident, went back to sleep.

I woke up proper this morning and I was okay for a while, but then my stomach was raging. It had food but now wanted more. I was craving, *and* hungry, *and* had the worst hunger pains. This is a killer combination for me, the gnawing hunger feeling being the cherry on top and usually leads to binge outs...

I remembered the Tums I bought the other day and thought they were worth a go.. half an hour later, relief! I'm still craving and technically hungry, but I can deal with that. It's the gnawing feeling that's gone, the feeling in my stomach that makes me double over and obsess over filling it just to get it to *stop*. The 'cherry on top' feeling that always makes me give in...

Gone. One 10kcal Tum. It's gone. It makes sense, since apparently that gnawing feeling is due to acid production when you're ready for food.. It hasn't killed hunger or cravings, but I'm not doubled up with the gnawing. It.. it works? Or is it psychological?

I don't care though, who knows, it's gone! I hope they have this effect on me every time... I'll make sure to not over do them so I don't get used to them, or fuck my system up.

Plus it was quite tasty.

I am excited about discovering this use of Tums.

[Rant/Rave] "Your scrubs are getting tighter"
Created: Tue Feb 28 03:16:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wn8d7/your_scrubs_are_getting_tighter/

[Discussion] vyvanse
/u/jrste310 [5 ft | 106 lb | 21.34 | -21.5| Female]
Created: Tue Feb 28 02:49:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wn53q/vyvanse/
so i started it to help control binging (prescribed for this reason). day 1-3 worked amazing with awful headache. Day 4 no headache but fuck food looked good again.
has anyone else used this to control eating and do you get used to it/ have variations by day etc? what have your experiences been

[Discussion] do you ever feel scared of breaking the fast?
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|GW:120 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 00:37:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wmpvm/do_you_ever_feel_scared_of_breaking_the_fast/
like obviously i would rather not have to eat but I know that i need to. i have currently been fasting for 24 hours and even though i feel slightly hungry, i feel more terrified about bingeing if i break the fast. even if i plan a light 100 calorie meal, i feel like once i eat, the flood gates will open and i will just be continuously hungry. i dont really know how to explain it but its like a catch 22: break the fast and risk bingeing or dont and risk passing out. 24 hours isnt very long but 48..72..96...

[Rant/Rave] When the boyfriend is away...
Created: Mon Feb 27 23:40:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wmibj/when_the_boyfriend_is_away/
The ED will play.

He has his kids for strange stretches of time and some other stuff like business trips this month, so I won't see him as much.

Back to restricting and maybe some laxative purging tomorrow. Being a part-time girlfriend can be a double edged sword.

New account because he knows my old username.

[Rant/Rave] I'm over having to pick out food every single damn day.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 23:08:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wmdv2/im_over_having_to_pick_out_food_every_single_damn/
I can't keep too much food in my apartment because I'll eat it. I will overeat and b/p everything, healthy or not. But going to the market to get food for the day is stressful as well because I'm surrounded by too much food.

I want to just eat the same food every day and never think about it. I hate food and I love food. It's just exhausting.

[Discussion] Looking for people to follow on Pinterest
/u/ultravi0lent [5' | CW: 194 lbs | SW: 211 | obese mess | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 22:55:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wmb89/looking_for_people_to_follow_on_pinterest/
I was wondering if some of you had Pinterest boards for your low-cal recipes. If so, it would like to follow you! Searching ''low-calorie meals'' gets old quick... So, if you want, it would be very kind of you to leave me your username so I can follow you :D

Note that I'm exclusively looking for food-related content! Thinspo and such don't interest me - I'm currently (literally) obese and seeing very skinny girls simply discourage me :-(

Thanks!! xx

[Help] Self sabotaged, feeling low, don't want to get out of bed
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 145lbs | BMI 21.47 |- 19lbs | GW 130lbs | 24F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 22:44:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wm9j8/self_sabotaged_feeling_low_dont_want_to_get_out/
It's 5:41 in England and I fell asleep at 11. I'm working myself up to shower and go to the gym.

I came back from work at 10pm last night and for some reason had dinner even though I wasn't hungry. I'm so disappointed in myself because I didn't just have something like soup. Oh no, I had chips, beans, veggie sausages and mayo.

I was doing so well.

Weighed myself and up 2lbs. Realistically I know I can't gain 2lbs of fat in a night but it's so disheartening to see the scale move the wrong way.

Anyone have any tips on how to move forward and show the scale who's boss?

(also: side note, much prefer it on here than loseit - do not feel welcome there AT ALL.)

[Rant/Rave] My fast will be ruined
Created: Mon Feb 27 22:31:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wm7es/my_fast_will_be_ruined/

[Help] I may have ruined tomorrow, in need of advice.
Created: Mon Feb 27 22:17:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wm54b/i_may_have_ruined_tomorrow_in_need_of_advice/
Whelp. I ate a decent amount of skinny pop, spinach, and salmon for dinner. It's 9:16 pm. I was planning on fasting. I hit my lowest weight so far this morning. How the hell am I going to make sure I'm not bloated or weighed down tomorrow too much. Even tmi suggestions?

[Discussion] DAE find themselves more attracted to overweight/soft people?
/u/salviaplath_13 [5'1 | CW: 108 | 20.8 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 21:42:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wlzgz/dae_find_themselves_more_attracted_to/
Does anyone else prefer to date guys/girls who are overweight, or maybe a little fluffy? Sorry if this is a weird question. A lot of my friends are really into fit guys, but I've never had much attraction towards that look. I had only dated guys who are super skinny until last year. (Always looked skinnier than me, haha). A year ago, I met this guy when I was close to my GW but still felt really self conscious without clothes. This dude was not overweight by more than 15-20 lbs, but was soft & had a tummy. It never bothered me, I actually liked his body type. But he was always really hesitant to take his shirt off, and I never saw him without pants on (he even wore jeans to sleep...) I guess his self-consciousness about his body was comforting in a way, because I knew I wasn't the only one struggling to be naked. We never talked about it though (God forbid I tell someone IRL). Since that ended, I dated a skinny guy again, and it just wasn't the same level of physical attraction ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯

[Rant/Rave] Well, fuck.
/u/tinybundleofsticks [5'6 | 82.8 | 13.4 | M]
Created: Mon Feb 27 21:33:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wlxyv/well_fuck/
"I want to get better!" "I'm so sick of being sick!"

*eats less than 1600 calories a day, despite the dietitian recommending 2400~2800 and needing 3000~3700 in treatment to gain*

My weight was down 2 pounds this week from last week; 82.8.

I feel ... really bad. Tired, weak, exhausted from doing the most basic, everyday things. I used to go for walks, now I can barely do a 10 minute walk around the block without getting winded, even the thought of the effort it takes to get my boots, coat, scarf on and get outside is too much.

Mentally, I'm foggy as fuck. My memory is gone, any task requiring significant brain power sends me to tears, and even interacting with other people is more difficult than usual. I barely made it 2 hours into a 4 hour shift at work (part time at Starbucks) on Thursday and I had to leave the floor early.

I've had 3 days off work to rest, but I don't feel any better, and that's frustrating. I know I'm still not eating enough, not enough to gain, not even enough to maintain, and regardless of doing very little activity/sitting on my skinny ass all day, I ... I don't even know, to be honest. It's like I'm behind a glass wall, perfectly able to see what's happening, but unable to do anything about it.

Sorry for the rant, guys. Just needed somewhere to get this out.

[Rant/Rave] [rant] Why do I do this
/u/midnightboke [170cm | CW67kg | GW50kg | -28kg | 28F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 21:19:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wlvbd/rant_why_do_i_do_this/
So I'm currently stressing like shit over the imbalance of work/studying/life/being a fat fuck and I'm awake at 0415 - spoiler - I never fucking slept in the first place. Went on a trip with my bf over the weekend and ate like a pig the entire time, I don't think I've gained anything other than a load of water weight but I feel so bloated and useless.

Went to bed at normal time and just stared at the damn ceiling til I got fed up and came downstairs. So naturally how do I cope? I spend about 3 hours researching how to buy illegal shit online and end up downloading Tor, getting bitcoins, and buying some fucking diet pill shit off AlphaBay. I just spent £50 on pills.

And now I'm googling like mad to read every review, every side effect, and what dosage I can get away with before my heart explodes. Sigh.

[Thinspo] Daily thinspo.
Created: Mon Feb 27 20:06:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wli7q/daily_thinspo/

[Discussion] No one knows about my ED, and I like it.
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 146.1 | 21.1 | GW1 149 | GW2 145]
Created: Mon Feb 27 19:54:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wlg0m/no_one_knows_about_my_ed_and_i_like_it/
Its funny to me that no one in my life knows about my ED. I've had it for years... was a bad bulimic for 2 years and now am EDNOS/restricting type. I've even been diagnosed by a psychologist and psychiatrist. I feel bad... like I'm lying to my BF. sometimes I want to brag to my friends... like I haven't eaten today or I threw up dessert in the shower, but I know they'll just think I'm crazy. I don't know why I am proud of myself when I engage in ED behaviors, especially purging... I know it isn't good for me. but in the end, its my little secret, the only thing I have in life for myself. a guilty, selfish pleasure.

[Rant/Rave] I stopped weighing myself everyday
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | F | GW:115 | -17 | BMI 23.8]
Created: Mon Feb 27 19:08:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wl73f/i_stopped_weighing_myself_everyday/
And I'm actually happier!! I don't spend the entire day obsessing over calories and this and that. One number doesn't cause my whole day to either be great or be shitty. I didn't weigh myself for over a week and discovered I had lost 4 pounds. I never thought I would get here but here I am!!

[Discussion] DAE think people are thinner than them, even if they're a LOT heavier
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 18:49:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wl3dd/dae_think_people_are_thinner_than_them_even_if/
I was watching recovery flower and I remember wondering if she was thinner than me(because I'm a terrible person, that's why) I couldn't find her stats until a bit longer into the series and I was shocked. In my mind, we look about the same, but she's got a BMI of about 23 while I've got mine at 19ish. It really fucked me up. Is this part of body dysmorphia?

(btw, I love Recovery Flower and I think she's gorgeous, so no hate on her whatsoever)

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] The post-purge "Where is that Vomit Smell Coming From?" game
Created: Mon Feb 27 18:32:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wl018/the_postpurge_where_is_that_vomit_smell_coming/

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
Created: Mon Feb 27 18:25:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wkyni/daily_thinspo/

[Discussion] abc diet???
/u/puddleclub [5'8" | cw: 180.8 | gw: 130 | bmi: 27.07 | -6.9 | f]
Created: Mon Feb 27 18:20:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wkxkq/abc_diet/

[Other] I just ate a pound of brussel sprouts.
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 18:08:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wkvb9/i_just_ate_a_pound_of_brussel_sprouts/
I love veggie binges. I'm still sub 900 for the day. Ahhhh im happy!!! And full lol.

[Rant/Rave] Ironically my biggest trigger
Created: Mon Feb 27 18:06:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wkuxz/ironically_my_biggest_trigger/
On mobile, flair as rant/rave

My biggest trigger is adding my current stats/ seeing other people's.... I know that's like so against what this community is about but something about it makes me jump outta my skin with anxiety

I hate that I feel this way because I know it's a way to make things supportive.. but I can't help but feel this way 😖

[Discussion] Calorie Apps
/u/witchy2628 [5'3 | 155lbs | 27 | -35 | f]
Created: Mon Feb 27 18:04:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wkunl/calorie_apps/
Does anyone else have like 4 calorie counting apps? I use them all every single time I eat, and I obsessively update my weight every day, in all of them. It's like all I do and I'm starting to get annoyed with myself but I feel like one isn't accurate enough, I need to see what they ALL say the calories in something is, and I take the highest possible one just in case. Edit: sorry on mobile can't flair

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
Created: Mon Feb 27 18:04:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wkukt/daily_thinspo/

[Rant/Rave] Finally back on track (hopefully)!!
/u/spookyoneoverthere [5'7" | 147.8 | 23.07 | -41 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 17:35:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wkopu/finally_back_on_track_hopefully/
This is my first time posting, so hi! Everyone here seems so friendly and helpful, and offers so much support. I actually feel comfortable posting here:)

These past couple month or so has been so bad eating-wise. I'm an awful binger and haven't had the willpower to stop it for awhile due to school, relationships, anxiety, all the usual stuff. But hopefully that's all done with, and I can do better and regain control. I've stocked up on my safe foods and bought some primatene and caffeine pills, restocked my vitamins, and plan to limit myself to 800 cals every day this week, and 600 after that. If I go lower I have trouble staying in control:/ Wish me luck, and the best of luck to you lovely people<3

[Tip] Birds eye pasta and veggie microwavable meals!
Created: Mon Feb 27 17:03:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wki0x/birds_eye_pasta_and_veggie_microwavable_meals/

[Rant/Rave] Rant! - Water Weight
/u/TinyandLost [5'6 | Gross | OV | -13lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 15:53:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wk373/rant_water_weight/
I know it's not possible for me to have gained 5lbs in a day, but water weight is horrific!

I've drunk just shy of 3 litres today and 2 litres of that has been within the last three hours but that's not the point. There's no way that 2 litres is 5lbs! What the hell!!?

Okay- rant over

[Other] National Eating Disorder Awareness Week
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 15:09:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wjtgm/national_eating_disorder_awareness_week/
I just learned it's from 26 Feb - 04 Mar

I wish I could do something to celebrate or spread the word around my workplace but alas, I'll risk being found out. (-':

I hope everyone is just a little more lenient and kind to themselves this week. If anyone here ever needs anything or anyone to chat with or listen, I'm always available.

Please stay safe this week (and always!). I know it's cheesy and cliche, but you're more than just a number. (-:

[Rant/Rave] How I didn't binge at 3 am (also raw cookie dough sub)
Created: Mon Feb 27 14:48:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wjok2/how_i_didnt_binge_at_3_am_also_raw_cookie_dough/
On mobile, can't flair, rant/rave

So I woke up last night with hunger pains after fasting for the whole day except a bite of microwaved cookie dough with a friend who seemed to be testing if I would eat it. I knew I wanted more of it and nothing else would satisfy me. I laid in bed for at least an hour and couldn't sleep. I walked to the kitchen, drank water, went to the bathroom, and still couldn't rest my mind.

Then I had an idea. I got on MFP and logged what I would substitute that cookie dough for in the morning for breakfast and made up a recipe that would taste delicious and not be too many cals. As soon as I figured out what I was going to eat and pre-logged it I fell immediately asleep. I'm going to start doing this when I'm up in the night from now on.

Also, my solution:

1/4 cup cooked steel cut oats (1/8 uncooked)
1tsp brown sugar
1tsp peanut butter
1 tablespoon Greek yogurt
Wanted to add chocolate chips but there weren't any :(
120 cals

Literally tasted exactly like the cookie dough did. So so so yummy, might be a new breakfast staple.

[Intro] I'm done lurking! Silly long introduction + a few questions I'd like to ask...
Created: Mon Feb 27 14:34:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wjl6r/im_done_lurking_silly_long_introduction_a_few/
(Sorry for no flair, I'm on mobile!)

Hello everyone! First of all I just want to say that this sub is awesome. I've never admitted to having an ED, not even to myself, because I always end up OVER eating and I've been in the mindset that to have an eating disorder, it's all about never eating/purging your food and being perfectly thin all the time. I'm sure you've heard that before... But even now I feel pretentious by claiming that I have an eating disorder. I'm sorry if that's rude. :(

A little backstory I guess? First time I remember worrying about my weight was in middle school. I straight up stopped eating for over a week because my mom told me I looked fat in the face, and I kind of fell in love with the idea of being super model thin. The feelings subsided for a while though and I put a few pounds back on. In high school I developed crazy anxiety over my calorie intake and just told people I was fasting for religion (I'm atheist!) but it always ended a few days too soon because I would break down and binge eat until I hurt. Then I had a crazy "health" kick where I exercised so much & ate so little that I lost ~15 lbs in a month. I reached my lowest weight then, 128 lbs at 5' 7".

Then I came to college, and hooo boy, it's been a shameful couple of years. I'm now at my heaviest weight, 165 lbs. Every few weeks I freak out and tell myself how disgusting my body has become. I really am ashamed of it... I don't even like taking my shirt off in front of my boyfriend anymore. I don't know if I have a pseudo-addiction to junk food or if it's really just horrible self control, but nowadays it seems like I am the opposite of anorexic. Constant binge eating, with bursts of extreme restricting, and a shit ton of self esteem issues and guilt.

And this sub has helped me, a lot. I wouldn't exactly say I'm PRO eating disorders, like I don't go around telling friends to stop eating, but it is comforting to know that it isn't just this straight cut line of "you have to always starve yourself." Everyone struggles and lives with it in different ways. I hope I'm not offending anyone by saying that!

Anyways, please excuse my tangents. I tend to go on forever if you'll let me.

My name is Emma/Em. I am 21 years old, 165 lbs, and 5'7". My goal weight is 130 lbs. After lots of lurking in this sub, I've learned quite a few things about how to "live" with an eating disorder or whatever my over-eating anxiety may be. To be honest, you wonderful bunch have helped me overcome the urge to binge eat many times. You're all beautiful people and I hope I can be an active, welcomed member of this community! 😁

Also, I do have a couple questions if anyone would be kind enough to answer for me.

I made the decision today to (cautiously) try ephedrine & caffeine to help suppress my appetite and give my energy a little boost. I did a few days worth of research and thinking about it but actually went out and bought some Bronkaid + a zero calorie energy drink. I don't drink coffee very often, so I'd say my caffeine tolerance is about average. I guess my question is to those who have tried this, was it worth it? Do I need the caffeine to make the ephedrine really do its job? Finally, would cigarettes/nicotine be a bad idea specifically while taking EC? I know smoking is bad for you, I really do know, but right now it's the only thing I can do to help suppress my appetite.

I am taking it very slowly, just one pill and less than half an energy drink for now. I am hoping that it helps me quit binging so much, as well as make restricting easier.

Again, thank you all for being so awesome and kind to each other. It gives me peace of mind to know that I have somewhere to talk about this subject freely. And I'm sorry I ramble so much! ❤

[Thinspo] thinspo album: cali beach girl (nsfw, bikinis)
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 144.8 | 20.6 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 14:08:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wjf5r/thinspo_album_cali_beach_girl_nsfw_bikinis/

[Tip] Sugar free syrups are a gift from God (recipes included)
Created: Mon Feb 27 13:47:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wjaeu/sugar_free_syrups_are_a_gift_from_god_recipes/

[Rant/Rave] Eating because its 'time' rather than being hungry
/u/Raspberry_Pancake [164cm | 68kg | FAT | 5lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 13:36:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wj7w9/eating_because_its_time_rather_than_being_hungry/
It's 8pm and I haven't eaten anything today aside from one mini-croissant. My body is telling me 'you have to eat, you have to eat' simply because of the time. It's such a strong compulsion. I'm not hungry, yet all my mind can think of right now is "you normally eat at 6pm, you should start cooking soon". I can't take my mind off it.

[Discussion] Does anyone else try to weigh as LITTLE as possible for weigh-ins?
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 114 | HW 180 | LW 107 | 29 F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 12:58:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wiz5z/does_anyone_else_try_to_weigh_as_little_as/
You hear stories all the time about EDO patients who put stuff in their pockets or taped things in their shirt or whatever to get themselves to weigh more.

Does anyone do the opposite? Like I have intentionally eaten less and had little fluid beforehand so I'd weigh less, or I've even used laxatives the day beforehand.

It's particularly puzzling given that I DESPERATELY want to avoid being put back in the hospital. Part of me thinks I want validation that I really am sick, but I think even more than that, I don't want anyone (even the doctor) seeing that I've gained weight.

So basically I both want to weigh very little (and have my doctor know that), but NOT have him put me in the hospital even if I weigh little enough to. Not a combination that lasts long.

Am I the only one?

[Discussion] What's your medication/vitamin/supplement routine?
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105.2 | GW 95]
Created: Mon Feb 27 12:57:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wiywf/whats_your_medicationvitaminsupplement_routine/
I feel like I take so many OTC meds but I just LOVE going through the routine of it. It's weirdly calming. I have them all organized in a special drawer. I'm really interested to hear what you guys are taking/whether you have a routine as well.

Morning with a pitcher of water:

* Bronkaid
* Caffeine tablet 100mg
* Aspirin
* Zyrtec
* Fiber well fit gummies
* Birth control

Lunchtime: more bronkaid/caffeine

Nighttime with chamomile tea:

* Prozac
* Vitamin D
* Women's multi gummy vite
* Melatonin gummy vite

I don't even care about the gummy calories because they feel like breakfast/dessert except completely not bingeable due to the health hazards.

From time to time I also take bendadryl for sleep, laxatives, probiotics, tums (post purge), midol (for diuretic), gasx if I had too much sugar free stuff lol

Always looking for new medicine/vitamin suggestions!

New here
Created: Mon Feb 27 12:48:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wiwv8/new_here/
On mobile, can't flair but discussion I think?

Hi everyone, I've been lurking and commenting under a different username for quite a while and finally made a new account that my SO doesn't know about. I've had an ED since 8th grade when I dropped from 145 pounds to 120 pounds in one summer (I'm 5'8"). I gradually packed the pounds back on and have been restricting then binging ever since. I've always counted calories to lose the weight, and then people would notice that I wasn't eating and I'd stop counting and gain it back. Spring of my first year of college I reached my HW of 206 pounds and decided over the summer I'd make a change. I was down to 175 when this school year started, and first semester I put the full 30 pounds back on again. I've decided I can't maintain with an all you can eat dining hall, so I'm going back to restricting and purging. I started 2 weeks ago and I'm down to 195 today. My plan is to skip meals or purge and try and keep it around 500 per day until I'm off of the meal plan. The food in the dining hall just makes me nauseous knowing how many cals is in all the oil. Then when I can cook for myself and have attentive roommates I'll be around 1000 cals per day and lose the rest of the weight more slowly, but I know I will struggle to go back up to that amount as I'm already really comfortable with 500. My first GW is 170 by my boyfriends graduation in May and then an ultimate goal weight of 149 by the start of my junior year next September.

That was ramble but I wanted to introduce myself under my new username. If any other college students have similar struggles I'd love to talk with you about the FUCKING dining hall food.

[Discussion] Stupid things you get triggered by?
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 12:34:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5witq4/stupid_things_you_get_triggered_by/

So during class, The Science teacher had some kids videoing him on Snapchat and putting it on their stories, and then he turns to me and says, "What did *you* take a picture of?" i told him I took a picture of the desk (which I did) to reply to someone, and he just kind of said okay under his breath and I didnt even take a picture of him but I still feel really bad.

And then, when we had five minutes left in class, I already had my work finished so I was browsing through reddit and then the teacher says, "Hey! Youre not supposed to be on your phone!" and i said, "oh sorry , i just finished the homework though " to which the teacher says, "i dont care. Theres no policy that says go on your phone when youre done your homework. You shouldnt be on it"

And that triggers me (idfk why it did- maybe its because i never get in trouble and work hard) and then Im like, well Im not gonna eat for the rest of the day because im a piece of garbage hahaha

What stupid things do you get triggered by?

[Other] 250+ lbs male here, don't have an ED but just wanted to wish everyone here a happy life!
Created: Mon Feb 27 12:08:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5winzf/250_lbs_male_here_dont_have_an_ed_but_just_wanted/

Went to the doctor today...
Created: Mon Feb 27 11:45:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wiin5/went_to_the_doctor_today/

[Help] How do you have the energy to workout when you're restricting?
Created: Mon Feb 27 11:31:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wifiq/how_do_you_have_the_energy_to_workout_when_youre/
When I find myself restricting I have no energy to workout and if I don't workout then I feel like shit. What do I do.

[Other] Am I allowed to write a post asking for an accountability buddy?
Created: Mon Feb 27 10:08:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5whwqv/am_i_allowed_to_write_a_post_asking_for_an/

[Rant/Rave] This demon is my only friend.
/u/mind_bodygames [5'4" | 119.8 | 20.97 | -21 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 09:37:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5whpw5/this_demon_is_my_only_friend/
Edit: Couldn't hack the idea of having this story out there so I took the personal part out. Writing it down made it all too real.

Restricting is all I've got. It wraps me up like a safety blanket and keeps me warm and safe. I just want to lose and lose and lose until I disappear quietly in the night. Not like anyone would notice anyways. I dream about buying a plane ticket and moving somewhere without telling anyone.

Anyways, there's my pointless dumb rant for the day. Anyone else feel like their ED is a friend?

[Rant/Rave] I hate that I can't find balance. I hate that trying makes me fat.
Created: Mon Feb 27 08:51:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5whg8p/i_hate_that_i_cant_find_balance_i_hate_that/

[Help] What BMI did you lose your period at?
/u/salamanderqueen [5'9.5"| CW: 135.6 | SW: 180 | GW: 125 | -44 | 19f]
Created: Mon Feb 27 08:45:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5whevw/what_bmi_did_you_lose_your_period_at/
My period is now 3 days late, and I'm really hoping that it's just because my BMI got low enough, and not because I'm pregnant. I recently lost enough weight to put my BMI at 19.9, but there's NO WAY that's low enough to lose my period right?

At the same time, I'm seriously praying that that's the reason, because my boyfriend and I are in no way ready to have a kid.

Edit: Thanks for the replies everyone! Yesterday was my birthday so I didn't get a chance to get on here and respond to everyone. BUT my period came today! In other words, I'm not pregnant, thank god!

[Help] Running and high restriction
/u/eatlilbird [5'3" | 96.8lb | 17.1 (17.6 new) | -51.2lb | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 08:38:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5whdim/running_and_high_restriction/
I'm starting to rack up the miles, last week 26 miles running and 43 miles including my walking. On average, I run about 5 miles a day 5-6 days a week. I'm training for a 10K run (no race, just personal goals)

I've been trying to keep my intake to about 1200 calories not including activity, but this makes me very emotional and exhausted and it's getting harder and harder to prevent the binges in the eve. It doesn't help that my SO is fat as are his friends and everyone else in my physical life and his regular and compulsive junk food binges are throwing me for a loop. Purged for first time in years the other day, and I'd like to not make that a habit.

Can others please share their experiences with high activity high restriction? How do I prevent eating the house after a long run? How many calories are you running on? Is 1200 stupid? Well all of this is stupid... but ??? I think I need to focus on meal planning and prep but I'm not sure if I should try to up my intake goal on heavy run days or what??? Halp!!!! So exhausted... crying on the kitchen floor gets real old real fast...

Also... if anyone has a spreadsheet for tracking body metrics and calories in/out... I could really use one. My OCD is preventing me from finishing my last spreadsheet cause I keep recalculating my formulas...

EDIT: thanks guys for all your comments. Being unsure of how much I weigh right now made it kinda hard to estimate my tdee and how much deficit to work with. My best guess is that I'm between 90-95lbs at 5'3" which puts me at bmi of 16.8 (or 17.3 w/ new formula). That means my tdee is 1829 at my level of activity.

If I stick w/ 1200 cal intake goal on rest day, I'm still working with a 600 cal deficit. I'm comfortable with that. 600 cal deficit x 7 days still works out to 4200 cal, which is almost 3lbs loss per week. I really don't need to lose a lot of weight quickly at this stage, I'm underweight and already rockin some extra skin. I'm getting closer to my ugw.

On run days, I will add 100 cal for every mile. So if I run 5 miles, I will add 500 cal for an intake total of 1700 cal. The energy burned should equal the extra cals consumed so I should still be left with a 600 cal deficit.

Rest day = 1200
- Breakfast = 200
- Am Snack = 100
- Lunch = 300
- Pm Snack = 100
- Dinner = 400
- Eve Snack = 100

Run day = 1200 + 100x5 miles = 1700
- Breakfast = 250
- post run meal = 200 (protein protein protein)
- Lunch = 450
- Pm Snack = 100
- Dinner = 600
- Eve Snack = 100

Totally freaked out about the extra cals but if it can prevent this binge purge cycle that's coming on, I will try it!! Thanks again everyone for all your input 😀

[Help] Does (heavy) restriction make your self harm scars more prominent?
Created: Mon Feb 27 06:44:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wgs67/does_heavy_restriction_make_your_self_harm_scars/
I've been restricting more than usual the past month (and also exercising more) and I've noticed that my self harm scars from the past stand out a lot more. They're all fully healed and normally not *that* visible.

I have some bigger scars that turn purple/blue while restricting because I'm freezing but lately even the smaller and thinner ones are getting more prominent, I'd say they look "more white" . Do the two things relate? What can I do?

[Rant/Rave] I don't trust TDEE/BMR/CICO for maintenance??
/u/IdentityCrisis24 [5'2''| CW 90.8 lbs | 16.6 | GW 86.0 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 06:35:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wgqrj/i_dont_trust_tdeebmrcico_for_maintenance/
So I have been stuck at a weight plateau for the past 2 weeks (90-91 lbs) on a 800-1000 calorie restriction. According to multiple calculators, my BMR is around 1100 and TDEE around 1700-1800 according to my FitBit. I don't understand how I could be maintaining at a 700-1000 daily calorie deficit? Can anyone explain what is happening and why I'm not losing??

[Rant/Rave] Went out to buy b/p food despite not being hungry at all.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 06:11:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wgmx1/went_out_to_buy_bp_food_despite_not_being_hungry/
Spent last night on MPA looking at the bulimic haul thread. Stupid idea. I haven't eaten since Friday and decided to b/p for no apparent reason. Gave myself a carte blanche (luckily spent less than 40 euros).

B/p-ed just for no apparent reason. Felt no physical hunger and nothing emotional to trigger it. Just did it out of habit.

I'm so over this. I hurt so much after purging. My muscles and joints ache and my heart is going to stop any day now. Yet at the same time, I debating doing it again today.


Edit: I did that whole 'If I do it all today, I can start fresh tomorrow' shit. Everything hurts.

[Rant/Rave] I LOVE getting sick!
/u/italkiesomuch [5'7 | CW 137 | GW 115 | -48lbs| Whale Noises]
Created: Mon Feb 27 06:00:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wgkxh/i_love_getting_sick/
I've had the gnarliest flu these past few days which really kicked my ass. I was throwing up everywhere but I secretly was super excited when I realized I was sick, because I completely lose my appetite when I'm sick. I'm already getting over it but my appetite still isn't back and I'm super happy about it! Couldn't weigh myself but I had to have lost at least 2lbs throughout this ordeal.....yay!

[Rant/Rave] This is my fresh start.
Created: Mon Feb 27 05:42:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wgi8f/this_is_my_fresh_start/

Weekly Stats Update! February 27, 2017
Created: Mon Feb 27 05:37:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wghi7/weekly_stats_update_february_27_2017/
This is the weekly status thread for February 27, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 27, 2017
Created: Mon Feb 27 05:37:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wghfw/daily_food_diary_february_27_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for February 27, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Discussion] I'm going to fast for seven days. How much weight will I lose?
Created: Mon Feb 27 05:30:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wggkr/im_going_to_fast_for_seven_days_how_much_weight/

[Discussion] Gallstones? :| [Discussion]
Created: Mon Feb 27 03:02:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wfyam/gallstones_discussion/
Hi y'all! Not new to here or ED, just new account. I was wondering what's yalls experiences with gallstones? I'm restricting to 600 a day w/ lots of walking (burning 100/200 sometimes!), and... I keep going on loseit and they keep talking about gallstones. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac and like, gallstones?? I'm so freaked out. Have any of y'all ever gotten them? If I restrict but don't eat high fat foods will that help prevent them? Blah. :|

[Discussion] Lent: what are you quitting for 40 days?
/u/skinnypod [5'6" | 121 | 19.8 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 03:00:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wfxzx/lent_what_are_you_quitting_for_40_days/
I'm not religious in the slightest, but I find lent is a pretty good excuse around here for restricting/cutting out various foods with no questions asked.

This time I'm thinking of going vegan. I know a lot of junk food is still vegan but it means I'll have a good reason to turn down all sorts of crap offered around the office.

Last year I gave up "snacking" but it was a bit too non-specific and people kept trying to push biscuits etc on me cause people are dicks.

[Rant/Rave] Why do I do this
Created: Mon Feb 27 02:22:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wftr6/why_do_i_do_this/
Starve myself for a while. Decide I should keep low cal food nearby to ward off possible binges. Proceed to binge horribly on my low calorie (expensive) food and then feel immediate regret. This is why eating anywhere close to maintenance is so hard for me, it's either fasting or eating uncontrollably :(

but seriously I'm not thin enough to have a problem
Created: Mon Feb 27 02:12:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wfsl2/but_seriously_im_not_thin_enough_to_have_a_problem/

[Rant/Rave] warped perception of self is so confusing and upsetting
/u/yes2theaddress [5'8 | cgw:125 | -40 | f]
Created: Mon Feb 27 00:49:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wfj76/warped_perception_of_self_is_so_confusing_and/
whenever i lose weight i seem to have a 'grace period' of a few days where i am happy with how i look, and then my brain adjusts and i see a huge hulking person in the mirror again ;_;

[Rant/Rave] Seroquel update. [Trigger Warning] [Kind of an update, kind of a vent].
Created: Sun Feb 26 23:08:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wf5gs/seroquel_update_trigger_warning_kind_of_an_update/
About a month ago, I posted [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ozik1/anxiety_medssleep_aids_that_dont_interfere_with/) asking about Seroquel and good alternatives in terms of sleep aids. (Thanks heaps for your replies)

Since [ending](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v0gp9/i_wasnt_even_hungry/) my fast a *week* ago, I have been stuck in an endless cycle of restricting, binging, and purging (I've probably gained all the weight lost from the fast back... I was UNDER the goal I'd set for my birthday, 2 days before my birthday... I try not to think about it 'cause it *really* makes me wanna die hahahaa).
I've only just noticed within the last few days that I'm fine until I take Seroquel to go to sleep and then I get this *compulsion* to eat things that make me incredibly writhing-in-pain-on-bed-type ill (I'm gluten, lactose, and sugar intolerant). I'm really not much of an ice-cream person anymore but this entire week it's like all I can think about is eating ice-cream like they're about to make it illegal. I'm usually great with not eating things like this and can be rational like, "is the pain really worth it?" Obviously it's not but my brain on Seroquel seems to think so.

Not only that, but my mother has just been put back on it as well and has been telling me that it keeps making her want to eat (she said it's like a compulsion and she *knows* she's not even hungry) and even I've noticed she's been eating more/weirdly (she usually eats literally the exact same things every day).

I tried Doxylamine (Melatonin is stupid expensive) and it's seemed to work pretty well for me. I did IF for a week with almost no problems while taking the Doxylamine, then did the 7-day fast (and in that time, I de-cluttered the fridge and pantry with no problems at all/zero desire to eat). However, on the day I ended my fast I took Seroquel because it (used to) make me go to sleep faster and I wanted to avoid further binging. Well, it essentially did the complete opposite of what I wanted.
I took 75mg at once yesterday hoping to *once again* change my sleep cycle and get back on track with my diet/avoid binging and I didn't even sleep! I stumbled around the kitchen like a fucking zombie and binged on pizza! I don't even like pizza! And then of course I had to throw it up because of the gluten and dairy in the cheese and the sheer amount of carbs and calories in it.

Today is the first day in a week I've taken Doxylamine instead of Seroquel and I feel so much better. Like seriously, no desire to binge at all. I feel a lot less shitty in general, actually. I don't know what I'm going to do for anxiety meds now (not like Seroquel did shit for that anyway) but I'd rather be anxious and losing weight than "calm" (lol whats that) and fat and lazy and gross. I don't think I'll try actual fasting again for a while despite how much I loved it last time but I'm gonna *try* to go back to fairly heavy restriction.

TL;DR: Seroquel is the fucking devil incarnate and I hate myself. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Rant/Rave] I really hate people knowing that I eat, especially my Mother
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 22:34:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wf037/i_really_hate_people_knowing_that_i_eat/
I hate my mom. Like, straight up *hate* She's incredibly fat and I fear looking like her more than anything else. I eat mostly at school, so I had weighed out all the foods I was gonna bring. It was pretty high volume since it was lots of veggies + rice cakes. I was putting it into my schoolbag and I saw her watching me with those beady little eyes, and I just felt so weak. I felt like the food was gonna make me fat, just like her. I could feel an anxiety attack coming and I just shoved it down, ran into my room and cried for a good five minutes. She came in and scolded me for crying and now I'm just sitting here and waiting for school with my coffee. Fucking hell. I'm feeling so huge and I know it's because I'm bloated, but I feel like I've gained so much. Scale is broken as well, fml.

I just want to be a nymph. I just want to eat very little, exist on mouthfuls of food, but I'm such a pig, ugh.

Rant/rave I guess

[Rant/Rave] Feel like I can't post here much bc of my bf
Created: Sun Feb 26 22:05:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5weval/feel_like_i_cant_post_here_much_bc_of_my_bf/
He says he doesn't mind me posting, but I'm paranoid he's reading what I write. I think I'm pretty easy to pick out from the way I speak/write. I HATE it. I love posting all of my thoughts and feelings in this sub. He found my old user name by being a snoop while fixing my computer and then confronted me about all of it. I had all kinds of subs I followed (even dirty type) and he looked at it all. I felt violated, but it did open a door for me to explain my anxiety to him. He still doesn't understand my thing with food. He swore to me he would never read my posts again and that he "didn't even remember my user name." I continued to post, but he was secretly reading all of my posts and he did KNOW my user name. That pissed me off. That was the first time I felt like he violated trust with me. I deleted the whole account and now I have this one... I only follow 2 subs on this acct bc I'm afraid of him snooping. It sucks.

Mobile no flair

[Rant/Rave] I am posting this to reassure myself. Reassure me, too.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 21:42:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wertg/i_am_posting_this_to_reassure_myself_reassure_me/
I CAN eat below my TDEE every day, at least. I just need to take my meds on time every day. I have a very long history of maintaining, so I DO have control over whether I gain weight or not.

It does suck that the only thing I know I can do is maintain. But that means I at least *won't gain.* I need to remember this always.

[Discussion] Do you ever feel dumb for not eating?
Created: Sun Feb 26 21:40:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5werfe/do_you_ever_feel_dumb_for_not_eating/
I feel like I'm having so much pity on myself and that's why I choose not to eat. Sometimes I think about that and I'm like seriously...?

[Rant/Rave] A moment of acceptance in my Binge/Restrict cycle
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 21:17:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wennl/a_moment_of_acceptance_in_my_bingerestrict_cycle/
Afer a few weeks of restricting successfully, I had another binge today. Kind of an all day binge really. And it might just be that the guilt hasn't set in yet, but in all honesty I'm ok with it. I recognize this was inevitable with my restriction where it was at, I recognize this is part of my process and that tomorrow I will be back to 700 calories and I won't gain in the long run, and I recognize that there is nothing I can do about it now. It's frustrating and I probably will be bummed about it in the morning but I'm trying to view it as a positive, 'refueling' my body if you will.

Idk, this was pointless but Im curious if anyone ever views their binges in the same way?

[Rant/Rave] My new SO is like ultimate thinspo and it's fucking with me
Created: Sun Feb 26 21:13:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wemzy/my_new_so_is_like_ultimate_thinspo_and_its/
They don't even try not to eat. They just don't. Their arms and legs are so skinny I could die. They have such an androgynous look effortlessly. I can't stop feeling like they must be somewhat disgusted with my body.

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo?
Created: Sun Feb 26 21:04:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5welmk/daily_thinspo/
Should i stop posting daily thinspo? I'm noticing that people are starting to feel upset by my posts. I thought it was helpful and just something pretty to look at. It was for me as much as you guys.

[Thinspo] Liara Roux - shes so tiny and perfect
Created: Sun Feb 26 20:26:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wef7x/liara_roux_shes_so_tiny_and_perfect/

[Rant/Rave] Today I realize I have a much bigger problem than I thought
/u/mrcolon96 ["dacing with the devil, i love that he pretends to care"]
Created: Sun Feb 26 18:30:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wduz1/today_i_realize_i_have_a_much_bigger_problem_than/
I just ordered a pizza and not 5 minutes after I'm looking for tips on how to puke. Tips that I have read like fifty times already but I will still read because **fuck** being fat. It also just hit me that I took laxatives everyday for this week.

When did my life become so shitty?

[Rant/Rave] My SO admitted to me tonight that his preference is 'fat women'.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [28/F | SW: 105kg | CW: 51kg | GW 1: 45kg ( UGW: 39.9kg )]
Created: Sun Feb 26 17:59:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wdp0t/my_so_admitted_to_me_tonight_that_his_preference/
His words, fat women. Curves yes, but also bellies and fat. He loves my body just as it is anyway, but if it were to change, he would prefer it to get larger, and absolutely not smaller.

I knew he could be attracted to larger women - I was obese when we met and got together, and so obviously know he was attracted to me larger - but I always got the impression he was pretty pleased when I lost weight. It was part of my motivation.. that yes, he loved me big, but he loves tinier women more and so will love me more if I were tiny too.

He's never told me what to do with my body and know he never would. I think he only told me this tonight because we've pretty much had a whole day of deep discussion of how we feel about various things. Plus, I think he's noticed the increased body checking, and that I'm again restricting and sticking to my safe foods.

I always daydreamed that if my SO preferred larger women (considering I thought he at least slightly preferred me skinnier, at the very LEAST preferred teeny tiny waists), it would be a reason for me to stop restricting and eat what I please - not to purposely binge or get fat, but to stop worrying about it. I always imagined that I'd do that, absolutely, because when it comes to appearance, he's the only one I want to attract, right?

But instead... it hasn't changed anything. It's made me more comfortable that he will still want to be with me if I do fuck up and blow up, but beyond that.. it hasn't stopped me wanting to restrict and lose and lose and lose and be tiny. I always thought me wanting to be skinny was about me wanting to be attractive and pretty, ESPECIALLY for him.. apparently not? I feel quite numb to it, besides the reassurance that me being bigger wouldn't make him run off. It doesn't change what I have an urge to do. I really thought it would..

If I were fat and he preferred skinnier women, I would be so upset. I *was* so upset about it, and fearful of not fitting his 'preference for skinny women', fearful of gaining weight and losing his interest. The thought of him looking at skinny women and preferring their bodies to my fat one was a horrible feeling..

But now I find he actually prefers fat women whilst I'm trying to get smaller (and perhaps not really classed as 'fat' right now anyway).. and it doesn't change my plans. I'm not upset and the furthest I could be from desperate to gain any belly or curves to fit his preference. The thought of him looking at fat women and preferring their bodies to mine doesn't seem to hurt me at all? It's like, 'ok whatever as long as you love me. Still gonna be tiny'? It makes no sense.

I asked him what would happen if 'the nagging voice in my head' won out and I managed to lose the weight 'it' wants me too.. if I got thinner, even to an extreme. He told me that of course he still wouldn't go anywhere, and he would help me through it. So that's something I guess.

[Discussion] Savory tea alternatives?
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 144.8 | 20.6 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 17:43:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wdm68/savory_tea_alternatives/
So tea is pretty much my lifesaver but sometimes I definitely crave more salty/savory things, it feels more "meal-like" to me. So far I've been making myself broth with chicken bouillon (10-15cal for a big mug) or just using the ramen seasoning packet without the noodles (5-10cal, very "broke college student" but tasty). Does anyone else do this? Suggestions for flavorings? If I could find ramen seasoning (like the good Shin Ramyun, not top ramen or whatever) without having to buy the noodles, that'd be perfect.

[Thinspo] All day long
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 17:38:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wdl2f/all_day_long/

[Thinspo] Naked and Afraid Thinspo
Created: Sun Feb 26 17:08:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wdf33/naked_and_afraid_thinspo/
I'm currently marathoning this show, and it's pretty wild. The premise is that 2 people, male and female, are dropped into an environment for 21 days and have to survive with nothing, just themselves naked and one tool each. They struggle to find food and subsist for the entire time on tiny bugs and berries. They always lose a ton of weight at the end of the 3 weeks. This one girl was losing weight and at the end her stomach was so concave and her hip bones were portruding out. It's huge thinspo to see them wasting away throughout the 3 weeks.

[Discussion] CalorieCount is shutting down.
/u/Childofstupidity [5'2.5 | cw 113 | gw ☠️ | lw 80~ | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 16:55:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wdcry/caloriecount_is_shutting_down/
They officially close on March 15th. The website's main page doesn't show up in searches anymore, so if you can't find it that's why. RIP the website that got me to my lw.

Does anyone know of apps that let you enter food by grams? Mfp is hit and miss with that.

Also hi! First post!

Pizza is my enemy
Created: Sun Feb 26 16:52:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wdca7/pizza_is_my_enemy/

[Help] how to not replace one vice for another?
Created: Sun Feb 26 16:06:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wd3gr/how_to_not_replace_one_vice_for_another/
So like probably everyone here unhealthy eating habits are my absolute crutch whether that's binging, purging, starving whatever. I'm starting to cut down on b/p now and haven't overeaten in months so my main thing now is just heavy restriction to max 600-800kcal a day. This is working super well and I've been really on track with my goals but now that I don't have overeating to rely on my craving for cigarettes is crazyyyyy. I'm 18 and still at school but I have to leave the site every lunch for a cigarette which is so time consuming, if I don't have that I won't get through the day. I don't want to be a chain smoker (and I do not need a lecture) so how can I stop replacing bad habits for other bad habits and instead just have a normal life?!
EDIT: sorry no flair I'm on mobile

Binge today, 48hr fast tomorrow
Created: Sun Feb 26 15:57:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wd1ms/binge_today_48hr_fast_tomorrow/

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
Created: Sun Feb 26 15:44:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wcz3t/daily_thinspo/

[Rant/Rave] "Don't you want to try that on?"
/u/rosepurplesoup [5'10" | 129.5 | 18.12 | -53.5 | F 🌻]
Created: Sun Feb 26 13:32:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wc8f2/dont_you_want_to_try_that_on/
I was buying a jacket from a girl at my school from a facebook page. When we met up I went to give her the cash and she asks "don't you want to try it on?" I **know** that's a normal thing. People normally try on clothes before buying them. But there was no way I was going to try it on in front of her outside.

She was so small and petite and short, so of course I instantly think she asked me that because she didn't think it would fit me. To be honest, I'm still not 100% sure that didn't have anything to do with it. Sigh.

[Rant/Rave] My roommate ate my food
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW 160 lbs | GW 150 | UGW 125 | 19f]
Created: Sun Feb 26 13:30:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wc7vt/my_roommate_ate_my_food/
UGH. This actually happened a couple days ago but I'm still so angry that I have to let it out somehow :( I'm sorry in advance for all the pettiness and bitchiness, but here goes:

A couple friends from out of town visited me last week and we ended up ordering pizza. I ate a slice and then ended up with the leftovers when my friends left -- four slices, one of which I immediately offered to my roommate when she came home. After finishing it she asked for another and I said sure because more for her = less for me and I really can't justify eating three slices lol. The two slices left were going to be my food the next day, but when I woke up they were GONE. I ransacked the fridge and everything but they weren't there, so I texted her to ask and she apparently "was up late and got really hungry, sorry!!!" and then told me I could eat some of the pasta that she'd made the week before.

Firstly, DON'T TOUCH MY FUCKING FOOD. You have no idea how hard it is for me to budget my calories and control my portions, and I HATE HATE HATE when anything doesn't go according to plan because it just throws everything out of whack. I ended up practically on the verge of tears and had a mini-binge on stupid shit later that day. I *already gave her two slices.* Was that not enough? I **paid** for that fucking pizza. Don't eat it without asking me.

Secondly, I can't believe she offered her stupid four-cheese meatball pasta casserole as an equivalent. I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY CALORIES ARE IN THAT. She doesn't know about my ED but I'm still just fuming about it :( Pasta also isn't an equivalent to pizza in my head -- we're both broke as fuck and she should have known that it's a real treat to have paid $20 for pizza vs. spending $5 on pasta, sauce and ground beef, which frankly I could do any day if I wanted to/was able to. And if she had pasta in the fridge, why didn't she eat THAT instead of MY FOOD???????? How fucking inconsiderate do you have to be to a) do that b) not apologize until after I asked and c) not buy me more pizza or something??? Ugh, I don't know what I was expecting given that any non-ED person wouldn't see it as a big deal but I'm just so, so upset about it.

I'm angry at myself for getting so upset about this ridiculous shit. It was two slices of pizza. A normal person would be annoyed, sure, but I had a practical near-mental breakdown over the junkiest food of all time. AND I BINGED. I'm such a wreck.

[Rant/Rave] treatment doesn't help
/u/anorexic666 [5'4 | CW: 89.8 | LW: 83 | UGW: 80]
Created: Sun Feb 26 12:44:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbyiv/treatment_doesnt_help/
i don't know what posting this will accomplish but i want to get it out anyway

i got out of php recently after my parents forced me into inpatient late november

none of this treatment helps and i don't want it to help and i don't want to get better. i don't even really care that my whole family is worried for and angry at me. my mom is telling me how i have to start eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner and how i "haven't been able to do it on your own" and how i can't keep dropping weight and they won't watch me die

i'm not even dying!! i was way thinner than this in the hospital and all i had was a bad heart rate and osteoporosis!! i never passed out, i have all my hair still. it all makes me want to starve more

and now they're threatening to take away my phone and my laptop and not drive me anywhere (even work) if i don't put the weight back on

i hate this and they're not helping and it honestly kind of makes me want to run away or just die because that'd be better than gaining weight

i! don't! want! recovery!!!

[Help] I've been doing horribly for the past couple days and could really use some motivation
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Sun Feb 26 12:15:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbsgv/ive_been_doing_horribly_for_the_past_couple_days/

[Rant/Rave] Bloating is my worst enemy
Created: Sun Feb 26 12:07:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbqrs/bloating_is_my_worst_enemy/
I had one fried egg and a little bit of this beef thing. I am bloated as hell. Looked in the mirror and I look utterly disgusting. It's like everything I worked for is wasted. I'm trying not to beat myself up though and I'm telling myself that the bloating will go down.

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
Created: Sun Feb 26 12:05:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbqgj/daily_thinspo/

[Rant/Rave] Drunkenly confessed to my SO. Ah, fuck me.
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 101.6 | BMI:19.8 l GW 90| -42 l F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 11:52:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbnnq/drunkenly_confessed_to_my_so_ah_fuck_me/
Yeeeeepppp.... last night I got sloshed and told my SO that I relapsed apparently.

I'm so ashamed. I can't believe I did that. I don't think I said much else other than that but I want to take it back. I want a redo. This is my own private hell and I don't want anyone to know.

The worst part is his response. He told me this morning that he's sorry but he didn't notice. Guess a sudden drop of ~40 lbs in 4 months isn't as alarming as I was worrying it was. Good news is maybe my psych won't be freaking the hell out when I go to see her after I've been avoiding her for the past 6 months like I've been panicking about. I thought my relapse was as obvious as could be to everyone around me. Guess I'm not bad at hiding it like I thought I was. I don't know if I'm disappointed or relieved.

Now I have to live life like that didn't happen and hope he doesn't keep a closer eye on me, or start to intervene. I'm constantly scared people are going to step in and ruin everything for me. It's fucking bizarre. In the beginning I wanted everyone to know I lost weight and was impatient about people not noticing after 20 lbs. Now I want nothing more than for people to leave me alone about it. I can tell my family is scared. They haven't outwardly stated that but I know what they think of it.

Sorry for this mess of a post if anyone even reads this. My mind is all over the fucking place because I'm hungover and melodramatic.

[Rant/Rave] A part of me hates that I want to be so thin
Created: Sun Feb 26 11:33:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbjqh/a_part_of_me_hates_that_i_want_to_be_so_thin/
I feel like this problem of wanting to be thin is partially the fault of society putting pressure on women to be thin. Society tells you that thin = beautiful. I hate that I'm buying into it. I try to advocate thinking individually and not being brainwashed or influenced by society or negative ppl. And yet I'm over here trying so hard to become thinner.

[Help] Extreme fatigue right after eating
Created: Sun Feb 26 11:20:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbh9h/extreme_fatigue_right_after_eating/
I tend to get extremely tired and weak right after eating. I actually feel better when I don't eat. Anybody else have this problem?

[Other] Got drunk last night and messed up
/u/GhostlyParadox [5'1.5 | 107.4 | Female]
Created: Sun Feb 26 11:19:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbh2h/got_drunk_last_night_and_messed_up/
tw: mentions alcohol and throwing up

Yesterday I only had three cups of tea and half of a rice cake, then my friends asked if we could hang out and drink. So,
I had a few friends over after I finished work and we played cards. I ended up having maybe a little more than 5 shots of Vodka and a Mikes Hard Lemonade.

My drunk mind said shit that I shouldn't have said, my friends made me have some orange juice and popcorn, and I threw up a couple times.

I woke up this morning having no idea how I got in my bed. One of my friends slept over and so I'm freaking out and nervously waiting for her to wake up. Nevermind the fact that I absolutely hate how relieved I am that I threw everything up.

Sorry, I had to get all of this off of my chest.

[Discussion] Finally got the coveted AN diagnosis, but I feel like I don't deserve it.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 11:17:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbgi6/finally_got_the_coveted_an_diagnosis_but_i_feel/

[Goal] [goal]-gotta be thin for an event next Saturday!!!
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Sun Feb 26 10:58:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbcup/goalgotta_be_thin_for_an_event_next_saturday/
Sorry on mobile, so no flair.

I had a huge visit with the family for the last two weeks and I pretty much had to prove how "normal" my eating habits were constantly, for every meal!!! And they eat so fucking much and nothing but junk!!! All the time!!! How do people eat like that? It was so anxiety inducing. I've gained almost 10 lbs in two weeks and I'm freaking out as I have a business trip next week for a trade show. I'm supposed to pick out clothes for my boutique this fall. I normally fit into the sample sizes, this time though I'm cutting it way too close!! I gotta get rid of at least 10 lbs in a week!!! I'm not eating solid food today, I'm using an EC stack, and I'm going to go lift, and try to do some cardio. I hope the EC stack can keep me energized enough to do all this and the prep I need for my trip. I'm going to drink so much fiber, water, coffee, and tea! I already took a laxitive, and I gotta find some way to eat my vitamins without feeling sick, I can never get them down without a little food. I need all the support I can get!!

[Other] Goals
/u/borrow_our_light [5'7| 134.4lbs | 21.78 BMI | -27.2lbs | F | GW 115]
Created: Sun Feb 26 10:28:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wb6mr/goals/
So i have some pretty unattainable goals set for myself and recently i have become aware of that; does that change them at all not really. But this morning i found like my most manageable goal. I bought a pair of pants 2 sizes down from mine and i love them; they are super grunge/punk which is all i ever wear. But they are super cute and now i have my next goal, fitting into them.

I know i wont be happy till i do fit them but this is the most realistic goal i have ever set and i'm so happy.

I have a weird day dreaming habit
/u/nodamncatnodamncradl [5'10 | 140LB | 19.58 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 10:05:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wb24x/i_have_a_weird_day_dreaming_habit/

[Rant/Rave] "Light" soups are a gift sent from the gods
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 09:38:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5waww2/light_soups_are_a_gift_sent_from_the_gods/
Almost 300 grams of chicken NOODLE soup for 140 calories??? Hell yeah

Do you guys have favorite soups?

[Other] Favorite tea's? :)
/u/ThinFit96 [5'2 | CW:125lbs CGW:115lbs | 23.68 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 09:33:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wavvl/favorite_teas/
Hey guys!
I recently binge bought a whole bunch of tea from David's tea and am obsessed. The cream of Earl Grey is by far my favorite so far, sooo good <3 Curious to hear back from you guys so I can go back and buy more :)

[Rant/Rave] All the stress (rant)
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 155.9 | -41lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Sun Feb 26 09:04:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5waqli/all_the_stress_rant/
I'm almost a nurse so excuse my TMIs, I've lost the concept. So I hadn't been able to have a BM so I have some senna tea last night. Woke up at 6am for my 7am shift and did not go so I knew I was in for some trouble at work. Cue extreme nausea and cramping and then I finally have such a huge BM and I am satisfied. Except now I don't want to eat anything so I can weigh myself later when I get home... despite knowing what a bad idea it would be to not eat on my 12hr shift.

I think I'll try to stick to liquids? And then hopefully get a good weight later ugh

[Help] My brain is a dick
/u/morose_adipose [5'2 | 90ish | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 08:50:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wao6u/my_brain_is_a_dick/
Okay, let me preface this by saying I know I'm irrational lol.

I'm attempting to eat a little more. Not because I am happy with myself, or because I am ready to give up my ED, but because I have been sick and had the energy of a sloth and well, I'm just tired of feeling like shit. I can't run anymore, my skin is gray, and I'm tired of binging after restricting too long.

I have tried to figure out my BMR and TDEE and set a reasonable deficit from those and follow it, but I do that for about three days and then the hyper restriction sets in because idiot brain, I eat 400 calories a day for a couple of weeks and then the inevitable binge occurs and I end up right back at this same spot, telling myself to do it reasonably.

Problem is, I don't trust TDEE calculators to get it right. I have used about a dozen different calculators, and averaged the results for my TDEE of about 1500 using sedentary as my activity level because I'm afraid it will give me a number too high if I say I'm active. If I deduct 500 calories from my estimated TDEE, I feel like I need to deduct a little more *just in case* and then I still get too paranoid so I go back to 400-500 calories because it feels safe.

I feel like if I eat 900-1000 calories a day, it's too much. It's not safe. I won't lose or worse, I will gain. Someone tell me I will lose still, that biologically speaking, even if I were the most sedentary slug on earth, I will not gain at 1000 calories a day. Please shut my stupid brain up. I know I am at a point now where weight loss will be slow regardless, and I'm fine with that but for the love of all that is holy, if I gain I will lose my mind.

900-1,000 calories just seems like *so much*. (Didn't seem like so much when my fat face was eating that ice cream though, did it? Ugh.)

[Discussion] Does anyone else panic over whether or not they made the right food choice after eating?
Created: Sun Feb 26 08:46:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wanij/does_anyone_else_panic_over_whether_or_not_they/

[Discussion] Has anybody lost large amounts of weight? Over 100lbs?
Created: Sun Feb 26 07:33:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wabp4/has_anybody_lost_large_amounts_of_weight_over/

[Help] Bingeing at night?
/u/YourChinaDoll [5'1" | SW: 169 | CW: 120.8 |F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 06:53:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wa68a/bingeing_at_night/
Hi, everyone! Lately I've really been struggling with bingeing at night, and I'm up an alarming 8 pounds because of it. I used to b/p at night, but due to my new roommate/bathroom situation, purging isn't always an option. But for some reason even though I can't purge, I'll still eat as if I'm going to. I can literally follow my goals all day, and once it turns around 9/10 pm, it's like a switch is flipped and I just can't stop myself. Has anyone had this problem before and have any advice on how not to do this?

[Sticky] (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
Created: Sun Feb 26 05:18:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w9v0v/ノヮノ゚_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
Happy Sunday February 26, 2017~

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 26, 2017
Created: Sun Feb 26 05:17:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w9v0m/daily_food_diary_february_26_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for February 26, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Discussion] Does anyone else freeze 24/7?
Created: Sun Feb 26 03:59:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w9n3z/does_anyone_else_freeze_247/
I freeze all day everyday. The only time I'm not cold is when it's hot outside or I'm under a pile of blankets lol. Right now I'm at work with my jacket zipped up leaning against a 100 degree incubator and I'm still freezing. I hate being so cold. It makes me not want to do anything!

Mobile no flair

[Intro] [Intro] Hi
/u/calmlyranting [5'5 | Fluctuating | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 03:52:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w9mju/intro_hi/
So I decided to use this account for a more personal/private side of me, so here I am. I've been a long time lurker here, so I figured I could come out and say hello. So umm, hi. As you can tell I'm a bit socially awkward. Feel free to ask questions though.

[Rant/Rave] 3/7
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 22:45:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w8qrm/37/
3 out of 7 day binge. I'm disappointed in myself because this is ridiculous. I'm finally at a GW and I am constantly sabotaging myself. I need to stop. I need to. That word makes me resent EVERYTHING. Need. Fuck needs. Fuck you 'need'. Goddammit. I start over on sundays. Idk why but it helps. Tommorrow is the new week but I feel like I already tainted it. Who eats a pint of halo, a pint of rapberries, a pint of fucking blueberries, a goddamn situations worth of powder peanut butter, and a fuck load of odds and ends given I've been drinking but still!!!! Ah. I am a fat. Hopefully I can fast till noon and I will stay at sub 900 and then the rest of the week I will stay sub 950 and I will feel so much better. No binge days. Please. Please. I beg me.

[Rant/Rave] I suffer from EDNOS and I feel alone
Created: Sat Feb 25 22:29:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w8ont/i_suffer_from_ednos_and_i_feel_alone/

[Discussion] Livejournal
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Sat Feb 25 22:11:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w8m5y/livejournal/
Yes, i'm drunk, and i'm sorry. But if it weren't for my inebriation, I wouldn't have dug up the www.com grave that is The Purgatorium. Which is exactly that. A grave site. I managed to recall my old live journal user name, and googled that name to get me back to my old bulimia safespace. I mean, thank Fuck all that that entire platform has been erased from the entire internet. Fear not if you had an account, & posted intimate details about your personal problems. My username is there, but nothing I ever posted seems to exist. But do any survivors lurk here? That forum was my entire life for a while.

[Help] Cheat meal?
/u/paytontanner94 [5'4 | CW 120| UGW: 112 l 25F ]
Created: Sat Feb 25 20:58:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w8brd/cheat_meal/
On mobile...

I just binged on two brownie cupcakes and I really want to purge. However, I'm going to try a new cheat meal every weekend. I don't know if I will be able to do it, I think it might freak me out to just not count the calories.

However, I am not doing a cheat day, just a meal. And tomorrow I will fast and work out.

Does anyone else have a cheat meal?

[Rant/Rave] What the fuck
Created: Sat Feb 25 19:50:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w8193/what_the_fuck/
On mobile sorry can't flare.

SO.. ya'll ready for a rant?

Tonight me and my OH had a drink together, just us. We laughed and talked and shared some deep secrets that i'm sure he won't remember in the morning anyway. So blah blah blah we drink we listen to music we chill and then he starts watching porn and im playing music like lol whatever yeah? So i guess he gets horny and we start getting down and dirty and i'm into it and i turn around (hardly cryptic what position we're in here) for a kiss and the motherfucker has his phone RESTING ON MY BACK watching porn while we do it. Now call me crazy but we had a drunken heart to heart an hour before where i said about purging and whatever which he knew nothing about and he sympathizes and then does this. Am i crazy? I just faked it after i realized what was happening. It just felt so disconnected. Sorry, i have no one else to rant to. I'm just in shock.. like.. what the fuck?!

[Rant/Rave] Shit hit the fan today
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Sat Feb 25 19:26:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w7xj0/shit_hit_the_fan_today/
I told my fiance how upset I was about how he doesn't seem to take my needs into consideration. I swear to fucking satan, this man wouldn't give up his fast food for anything, and it makes me livid. He agreed to slow down on the weed and alcohol extravagance, but I hope he gets fat. I hope he gets really, really fat. That shit gets me so angry, not just because I have an eating disorder, but the money! That's where it all goes.

Today I ate three quest bars, and three cans of tuna. I have one of each left over for tomorrow. We have 16 bucks left in our bank account, and as I scrolled through the purchase history, it's 75% fast food runs. For those of you who don't know my situation, i'm drinking and I don't feel like explaining it. I guess i'm here venting again, because my phone is shut off & I can't text any of my friends at home, and crying for attention on fb would hurt my pride. I like for everyone in my real life to think i'm doing well. I'm an avid writer and journal daily, but sometimes I get tired of talking to my fucking self all the time.

I asked him to pick me up a cheap bottle of booze while he was out getting his mcdonalds dinner. I'm not supposed to drink, but the very last thing I give a flying fuck about is my sobriety right now. He came home and said he didn't get me anything, and I just absolutely broke down into a million pieces all over my flea bed. It's not about the alcohol. But I sincerely desired an escape.

So, I got dressed, put some eyebrows on, and got it myself. I'm looking forward to those sweet dehydration numbers on the scale tomorrow. I know they're not real, and the second any liquid enters my body, my numbers will shoot back up to real life.

But it's fine. It's not like we will have money for me to eat anyway. Cheers <3

[Discussion] DAE feel shitty about their calorie-counting apps
/u/Dbyolbabni [5'4 | too much | 22.3 | -17lbs | F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 18:36:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w7pgm/dae_feel_shitty_about_their_caloriecounting_apps/
or is it just me being stupid, because I like to think I'm not the only one on this boat. Sorry for no flair and the format, mobile user here.
Anyway, I know it probably sounds really dumb, but I'm always terrified of putting in more calories than my goal, or even getting close to my goal into any kind of counting app. I know I'm the only one that'll see it, but I guess it's just embarassing to look at when I go over the limit or get close. I feel like the app is a whole new person that will be lowkey making fun of me for eating so much. Idk, I'm just curious to know if anyone else might feel like this too or if I'm alone here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Rant/Rave] I binged and I feel Terrible
/u/entropy2426 [5'8 | 125 | 18.80 | -25lbs]
Created: Sat Feb 25 18:28:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w7o4z/i_binged_and_i_feel_terrible/
On mobile can't flair (will flair as help if I'm near a computer). I went to my friends after fasting all day yday, started drinking, couldn't stop the rest is history. Today has been pretty much continuous eating and drinking. I feel so fucking awful, and I know tomorrow I will find it really hard to fast bc hangover (I still will though). Idk what I can do to feel better, I'm with my friend and my bf currently so I can't do normal self care activities. I feel lowkey suicidal but only lowkey so I guess that's better than other times lol.

[Rant/Rave] Do many women even like skinny guys?
Created: Sat Feb 25 16:57:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w788k/do_many_women_even_like_skinny_guys/

[Thinspo] Any good Thinspo's that you follow on Snapchat?
Created: Sat Feb 25 16:38:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w74s3/any_good_thinspos_that_you_follow_on_snapchat/
Snapchat is easiest for me to check through the day, opposed to say, instagram.

Any good Thinspo's you guys watch and could give me the names of? I'd appreciate it. I need encouragement during the day when I'm tempted :( ♥

[Goal] What is your goal weight?
Created: Sat Feb 25 16:00:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w6xvz/what_is_your_goal_weight/

Fad diet feedback
/u/toadally-grody [174.5cm / 47.9 / 15.7 / maintaining / F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 15:38:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w6tp9/fad_diet_feedback/

[Tip] Maintenance Tips
/u/antimeridian [5'5" | BMI 17.9 | maintaining 🌻]
Created: Sat Feb 25 15:27:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w6rqk/maintenance_tips/
Maintenance has always been a struggle for me. The first time I tried to maintain, I ended up bingeing everything back after six months at my GW. I spent the rest of the year fat, dysmorphic, and miserable. Luckily, I’ve learned a lot since then. I’ve lost my binge weight (again), and, this time, I’ve successfully transitioned into maintenance without sacrificing my physical/mental health.

What works for me may not work for you. But I’ve seen several people posting about maintenance these past few days, so I thought I might share some things I wish I knew the first time around…

1. Don’t underestimate the mental difficulty of maintaining. You won’t have the thrill of seeing the scale go down…but you can’t start eating whatever you want, whenever you want, either. Maintenance is hard! You might feel unmotivated or even a little depressed once you stop trying to lose weight.
2. Good news: your TDEE is probably a lot higher than you think it is.
3. It’s best to eat about the same amount of calories every day, instead of bingeing/restricting to maintain.
4. Don’t freak out if you eat your TDEE ±300-ish. Calorie counts give you a good baseline, but that’s it—it’s impossible to know exactly how many calories your body will utilize, even if you weigh everything out. [[1](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/science-reveals-why-calorie-counts-are-all-wrong/)].
5. Many people experience extreme hunger/cravings after a long period of restricting. Your body is adjusting after being in an energy-deficient state for so long. Stay near your TDEE and the hunger/cravings should settle off after a few months.
6. Eat (mostly) nutrient-dense foods. You'll want junk food both physiologically and psychologically, but eating it--especially when you just start maintaining--will only make you want it more. Yes, a calorie’s a calorie, but it’s too easy to fall into the binge-restrict cycle if your blood sugar is constantly spiking.
7. If you’re really, truly craving something, make room for it in your caloric budget and eat it mindfully.
8. When you transition to maintenance, you’ll see an immediate jump on the scale from water weight. It’s not fat. It will come off in a week or so.
9. Take a few moments every day to reflect on why you want to maintain. Maybe you love your body. After all the pain your ED has put you through, you’re thrilled that you can finally do what you want, wear what you want, and feel confident going out. Or maybe you still think you look disgusting…but you’re feeling healthier. Your hair is shiny and your nails are thick and strong. Maybe you don’t even care how you look anymore. Maybe you’re just trying to stay alive. Whatever your reasons, try to remember why maintenance is important to you. You don’t have to be grateful; you have to remember why you’re doing this.
10. You can create the life you want for yourself. More than that, you deserve to create the life you want for yourself.
11. You've got this.

[Rant/Rave] Panicking over exercice [rant]
/u/ultravi0lent [5' | CW: 194 lbs | SW: 211 | obese mess | F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 15:27:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w6rpd/panicking_over_exercice_rant/
So I hurt myself recently and I'm unable to exercice: I barely can move my leg without pain and my back hurts as f. Which makes me completely panic about everything I eat. Lately I've been getting ~ 400 net calories per day (so eating ~ 600 calories) and I planned 589 for today (I can't eat any less tonight bc I'll be eating with my parents) which makes me panic because it's more than what I've been eating this week and I'm afraid I'll gain. meanwhile i know it hasn't any logic bc who the fuck gains weight eating 589 calories but still i fuckin wanna cry lol

[Rant/Rave] [RANT] (Possible TW?) No foods are "safe" for me, I binge on everything I eat
Created: Sat Feb 25 15:17:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w6prd/rant_possible_tw_no_foods_are_safe_for_me_i_binge/

[Discussion] Myers-Briggs personalities [discussion]
/u/mace__face [5'6 | CW:112 | BMI:18.08 | GW:108 | F -16lbs]
Created: Sat Feb 25 15:16:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w6pov/myersbriggs_personalities_discussion/

Accountability and good news.
/u/sewnp [5'6"/h8 myself/NB/UGW:90]
Created: Sat Feb 25 15:00:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w6mcv/accountability_and_good_news/

[Goal] Goals for the next 24 hours
Created: Sat Feb 25 14:40:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w6ii0/goals_for_the_next_24_hours/
Sometimes I can't even be a person for 24 hours without a game plan. This is one of those times: binged **hard** last night (and I can still feel it inside me this morning, which makes me just want to die), my apartment is a mess, I feel like I'm doing horribly in school, guilty about seeing friends and not being social, sleeping waaaayy too much (but still so tired, need to break the cycle!), I'm just having a not so great week.

So I'm making a plan, because action is the only way I'm getting out of this, and if you guys are not feeling so great either and want to tell me your plans for the next day, two days, week, month, or whatever time window you're focusing on, I'd love to hear!!

I'm going to take a shower, and head to a cafe to study

When I get home, I'm going to clean my apartment, enjoy a cup of tea, and go to bed early

Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up at a reasonable hour and find recipes for what I'm going to meal prep

At 1, I will head to the gym for my personal training session (power cleans, woo!!)

Then, I'll go to the grocery store and buy what I need to meal prep

I'll cook, clean up, and finish any school work I didn't get to today. Monday morning, I'm going to start waking up early again! I made a deal with myself: I have the option of going to the gym, meditating, doing yoga at home, cleaning, doing school work, whatever! I just have to wake up early. This take out some of the scariness I feel about waking up at 5 or 6am, because in my mind I associate it with the anxiety of what I normally do, which is tell myself I'm going to wake up and go to the gym, and it barely ever happens, and so then I start associating waking up early with failure. But I just need to learn to enjoy the mornings, and not set goals that are unrealistic for me. If I feel like going to the gym, then great!! If I want to relax and meditate for a bit, woo! That will be a great start to the day.

Anyways, this is more of a journaling session, lol. Sorry it got so long. But it really did make me feel better, I'm really thankful that I can post here and not be judged, even when its about me struggling to be a semblance of a functional person.

Do you have a game plan for stuff you're struggling with right now? If not we can brainstorm for things that would help! Hope everyone has a wonderful day :)

[Rant/Rave] Super sick and discouraged
/u/olivia093 [5'1 | 155 | 29 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 13:46:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w680p/super_sick_and_discouraged/
So lucky me ... I ended up getting VERY sick with the flu on Wednesday - now. Friday ended up getting an ear infection and today, pink eye in both eyes 😬. I missed A LOT of important exams and stuff at work. My immune system is so wonky right now.

Anyways, I've been feeling absolutely terrible. I feel so horrible for not being able to work out because I physically can't right now. I genuinely think I gained because all I've been doing is laying in bed. I set myself specific target dates and I'm worried it'll all go out the window :(

[Tip] Tip for people who feel faint when standing!
/u/tinybabybear [5'6" | CW:138 | GW:115 | 22F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 13:17:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w62ii/tip_for_people_who_feel_faint_when_standing/
I've had problems with blood pressure/circulation my whole life and it gets worse when I restrict. It's that "head rush" feeling you get when standing up quickly times 1000.

When you stand up, flex your thighs and butt! It helps move blood out of your legs and up to your head and can keep you from passing out.

Results may vary but it works for me 90% of the time.

[Rant/Rave] jealous of teenagers for weird reason
/u/iwillbesmall [5'6" | 119lbs | F25 | GW: 99]
Created: Sat Feb 25 12:29:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w5t2c/jealous_of_teenagers_for_weird_reason/
Weird moments.....So instead of being jealous of how small and skinny they are I was jealous a little the other day about how they just looked like WOMEN. They have butts...smalls waist..boobs...and im over here looking like i haven't even filled out yet. I mean don't get me wrong that is what I want. But it was weird. These girls looked like women and i felt almost inferior for some reason.
tl;dr I look like a child and for first time ever i was jealous people younger than me looked like women. it was a weird moment

jealous of a teenager
Created: Sat Feb 25 12:28:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w5ss2/jealous_of_a_teenager/

[Help] Urgently need advice...
/u/enfinseul [5'6 | 105.4 | 17.08 | gw👻 | f]
Created: Sat Feb 25 12:21:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w5rav/urgently_need_advice/
(I am sorry I cannot flair, I am on mobile right now.)

I am posting this a little in advance because I hope everyone can offer the most advice possible if they have any, it would be so appreciated.

I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday and in the two weeks since I have last been I have lost exactly 8lb. When I went last there was already concern expressed for my weight loss, and I do not want this to be a matter.

**Is there any trick you use to weigh in heavier than you are?**

I plan to layer my clothes and put on more jewelry -- sometimes I can be weighed with shoes on if we are distracted by conversation. But I am incredibly anxious for this visit and I don't want to talk about this with my doctor again, especially because this will be such a significant drop (4lb each week), and I am due for my period which may make me lose more before I go in.

I am so thankful in advance for any advice you could give. Moderators, if this trespasses onto the territory of advice that should not be asked for, I apologize and please remove.

tl;dr: what are ways you add weight to your body for clothes-on weigh-ins at the doctor?

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
Created: Sat Feb 25 11:11:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w5e0s/daily_thinspo/

[Thinspo] Requesting your best thinspo for short girls??
Created: Sat Feb 25 10:55:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w5aqc/requesting_your_best_thinspo_for_short_girls/

[Discussion] it's okay if thing are just O-K-A-Y
/u/WorstCunt [donkey brain]
Created: Sat Feb 25 10:20:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w547t/its_okay_if_thing_are_just_okay/
I've realised over time that I am a perfectionist. I don't think I was but when I look at my point of view, I'm very particular. At school I was intelligent and top of the class for every subject, but I set that as a normative standard for me. Things must be a certain way and if they aren't it's like it never happened at all. So black and white, but life isn't black and white...

But! Recently I have been learning to let things go. Let things be *just okay*, They don't have to be perfect. Things can be ok and [dare I say it??] **HAPPY!**. I can be ok with things! Practising mindfulness has really helped me be aware in the moment instead of the grand plan of my messy mind,

It's still a bit of a disaster but I feel like giving myself that space to colour outside the lines is really helping. It's stupid but maybe someone else can use this too :)

Yeah just wanted a wee rant in a place where I know people 'get' it :D

[Discussion] My mother is coming to visit.
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 210 lbs | 35 BMI | -65lbs | GW: 120 | 26F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 09:58:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w5006/my_mother_is_coming_to_visit/
And that's great! Because she's awesome, and my kids are excited to see her - and I might actually get a very rare date night with my husband.

But - she had an ED for a very long time, still practices some pretty disordered eating habits. She knows I *used* to have an ED and is always on the lookout to make sure I'm not falling back into it.

...but I have fallen back in. And it is going to be really hard to stick with my routine for the next week. I usually stick to coffee during the day - have some dinner... and then depending on how "bad" I was at dinner, I'll purge. And that's going to be impossible.

Sorry, on mobile. Discussion.

[Rant/Rave] Pivotal weight
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 155.9 | -41lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Sat Feb 25 09:47:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w4xy1/pivotal_weight/
So I finally made it to 160, in line with my goal for this month, but then it was kind of bittersweet because 2 years ago I got back to this weight (from ~175) and started binging.

It was like I saw how far I still had to go and just lost hope. I know that won't happen this time but I can't help but be disappointed in myself, as if I didn't give up I could have definitely made it to my GW.

Can't wait to see the 150s again, I never even got the satisfaction last time!

[Discussion] Let's talk fasting.
/u/DeusOff [5'7.5" | 118.8lb | 18.3 | -4lb | GW: 90lb | 19NB]
Created: Sat Feb 25 09:03:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w4px2/lets_talk_fasting/

[Help] Anyone have an epub/pdf file of Brain over Binge?
Created: Sat Feb 25 08:49:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w4ndv/anyone_have_an_epubpdf_file_of_brain_over_binge/

flabby chicken noodle
/u/princess_rat [5'5 | 108 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 07:16:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w48l1/flabby_chicken_noodle/

[Rant/Rave] I am actually disgusting. [RANT]
/u/crybabybulimic [5'4" | 🙃 | -7 | GW: 100lbs |]
Created: Sat Feb 25 07:13:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w487z/i_am_actually_disgusting_rant/
So today I had a big ol' binge - brownies, biscuits, bagels, ice cream, doughnuts - if it's a leading cause of diabetes, I ate it.

And when I felt ready to pop, I purged... SO I COULD GO BACK AND BINGE MORE.

I don't want to be like this anymore :(

[Discussion] DAE have a morning routine? Here's mine. What's yours?
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 113 GW: 85 | -18 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 06:52:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w455e/dae_have_a_morning_routine_heres_mine_whats_yours/
Not sure if this will help anyone, but I found that I've kind of hit a stride the past week and wanted to share! It's helped me keep my anxiety/depression at bay + has kept me from binging the whole week!


1. Wake up before my alarm clock at around 4:30AM. This is insane, I know. I sleep really early though, at like 9 or 10PM.
2. Contemplate the drama in my life, lay there as the crippling anxiety to start to set in...
3. Give myself until EXACTLY 5:00AM, then force myself to get out of bed and go to the gym.
4. From 5:00 - 6:00AM, jog/walk on the treadmill for an hour (drinking half a bottle of water every 30 minutes). Focusing on what makes me anxious and/or angry helps me run with more energy and makes the hour go by faster. :)
5. Leave the gym feeling accomplished, get into the shower right when I get home.
6. Take my meds, dress cute, do hair and makeup, and tidy my room.
7. Head out feeling on top of my shit + ready to slay the day. Stay busy and avoid sitting down for any meals with friends.


1. Wake up (at the same obscenely early hour), but then drink a big bottle of water and take my meds.
2. I try to have a small breakfast, either instant oatmeal or a Special K Pastry Crisp bar (both are 100 cal).
3. Since weekends are my ~dangerous binge days~ I check thinspo, this forum, k-pop videos, and old pictures of myself... that way I don't fall into binge mode because of whatever carbs I ate.
4. If I still feel like binging, I get on the scale and update my stats on here. That usually does it.
5. Hit the bathroom, then try to plan my day. Will maybs go to the library so I am working and away from food for an extended period of time.
6. I might try to gym tonight before I go to bed, since that'll help wipe me out and get me to sleep fast.

Do any of you have morning routines to help you control your ED/mental health?

Feeling pretty discouraged
Created: Sat Feb 25 06:37:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w436u/feeling_pretty_discouraged/

[Rant/Rave] Date night
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 06:33:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w42nd/date_night/
I wish I didn't have to plan so fucking hard to make my SO happy and look normal and eat. We went to longhorn and I ate EVERYTHING. My binge was over 2000 because it's a restaurant and of course everything is fatty (and I'm an alchy but I don't even count those cals). I managed to sneak off to the toilet last night and get some of it up, so I do find comfort in that and my weekly cslories average out to be 1082. I'd prefer lower, but atleast that means I won't gain. I just wish I could be normal. I feel like a bad dog that got into the garbage. I want to be skinny and pretty and little but I want to be able to enjoy life. And make his life less miserable. Mine, too, I guess. It's just shitty. I have no idea what is safe anymore. How did I maintain 110-115 eating whatever I wanted before and now at 95 I'm terrified of EVERYTHING and foods I usually wouldn't count or care for are all suddenly binges. Everything is collapsing in on me 😿 I just want to enjoy life again. I want to live again. I want my sex drive back. But I want to be beautiful.

[Rant/Rave] I'm so fed up!!
/u/Miss_Embie [5'6" | Forever Fucking Up.]
Created: Sat Feb 25 05:49:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w3xa1/im_so_fed_up/

[Help] Harder to restrict after recovery?? & scales and body image not tallying?!
Created: Sat Feb 25 05:28:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w3uvb/harder_to_restrict_after_recovery_scales_and_body/
So I went through a period of recovery back in December last year and gained about 3kg. It was mostly around the abdomen and thigh area. There were period of extreme hunger and after awhile I felt gross again and went back to restricting (just less harsh) more like what I call a "high functioning ed". Not sure if it makes sense but basically, I would restrict and if I screw up, I'll take comfort in the fact that I've done this whole restriction thing before and I know what works and what doesn't.

Afterwards, I lost that 3kg and got back that body I had but felt much healthier. However, a feel weeks ago, extreme hunger came back and I went through a feel days of binging so i deceived to maintain for awhile. This led to somewhat losing my ed and actually forgetting that I even had one period so I just ate whatever I felt like (around 1500-2500 kcals). All this while I felt good and still in control cause my weight didn't really change much and my body looked the same but all of a sudden I feel LIKE I'VE LOST CONTROL AGAIN. I've been eating at maintenance but my brain keeps wanting me to eat even though I'm physically full. This time, I know I've gained numerically but strangely it doesn't really show on my body (or yet) and my friends keep commenting I look skinnier so I have no idea what the hell is happening. I feel gross just eating granola bars after dinner and snacks in between meals but my brain just won't let go that craving, preventing me from focusing on anything else . I thought doing it for a few days would be ok cause I'll react to my body's needs and it'll trust me again and I can take back the control but it's not working. Now I'm panicking cause what if I just lose control and just gain weight without knowing till I'm obese??! What's going on???! :(

(On mobile will flair later)

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! February 25, 2017
Created: Sat Feb 25 05:14:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w3tcs/stupid_questions_saturday_february_25_2017/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for February 25, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 25, 2017
Created: Sat Feb 25 05:13:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w3tcb/daily_food_diary_february_25_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for February 25, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Goal] I made it to the 120's!!! Please be excited for me because I have no one else to tell lol
/u/invisibone [5'5" | CW 122.2 | F |]
Created: Sat Feb 25 04:38:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w3pnh/i_made_it_to_the_120s_please_be_excited_for_me/
I am soooo fucking happy right now. I went to sleep at 6pm yesterday to make sure I didn't screw up my heavy restriction and it was worth it! For the first time in two years I've broken out of the 130's. Doesn't even feel real. In the last two years I've gone from 124 to 165 and FINALLY I'm back. Cannot believe that I've gained/lost about 80 lbs total. Probably more with the yo-yoing I did. Damn.

All my best clothes are starting to fit again and my confidence is starting to peek through again a bit. You know, since I hate myself a smidge less lol.

Anyway, thanks for letting me have my self indulgent celebration. It's been a long road of binging, purging, laxatives, and restriction. I should be tired, but I feel like I could conquer the world right now.

[Rant/Rave] It took me 37 minutes to run a 5k today.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [28/F | SW: 105kg | CW: 51kg | GW 1: 45kg ( UGW: 39.9kg )]
Created: Sat Feb 25 03:54:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w3l0l/it_took_me_37_minutes_to_run_a_5k_today/
Wot. WOT. Like, I was actually trying too.

37 minutes to run a 5k isn't bad at all if that is your natural pace or you're a beginner... but my comfortable talking pace ended up being 30m, just under, before I gained weight and now am restricting again. And that 30m was when I was restricting heavily still, when I was around 90lbs.. so I was pretty pleased I could run like that whilst heavily restricting.

I don't know whether my decrease in performance is the fact I've gained a bunch of weight, or because I've fasted and restricted heavily with very very few carbs most of this week after not doing so for a long time. Both perhaps? I've also not pushed my running at all the past few months, so maybe that too.

I think my plan going forward if I don't want my timed runs to suffer will be to.. lose this weight, so restrict (of course lol) but then the day before my timed runs, fill up on a bunch of carbs?

Shit dude feels badddd

Anyone have some good expert ways to make it seem like I'm eating?
Created: Sat Feb 25 02:44:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w3dtp/anyone_have_some_good_expert_ways_to_make_it_seem/

[Help] Can someone explain saving calories?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'5 | CW: 149 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 02:08:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w3a8o/can_someone_explain_saving_calories/
On mobile so no flair.
I hear people saying they saved their calories for x but I'm confused by what they mean, can someone explain this, please?

[Rant/Rave] I want a box of sweets
Created: Sat Feb 25 00:24:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w2zfm/i_want_a_box_of_sweets/
I want so bad to buy cookie dough, doughnuts, and baked treats after work. I want to eat them all and then purge. The only issue is that I can't. I can't do it bc I don't have the $ and my bf will be home all day. I'm glad I can't actually follow through with the urge, but geez the urge is strong. I'm still trying to hit the 130s. I literally have 5 pounds to go. I work m-f 0630-1500 and then fri-sat nights 2300-0730... I also have tests to take to get my degree finished up so I have to study a little bit. I plan on hitting the gym hard starting Monday and restricting until May 5th. My birthday is in April so that may be 1 cheat meal I allow. I have to take control of my body and my brain. No more no more. I also plan on starting my spray tan package back up in march so I want to lose some weight so I look better with my tan also 😎

Ultimate goal for May 5th is 130 or 125 whichever happens. Soooo yea... I need suggestions on how to not give into ridiculous cravings.

Mobile no flair

[Rant/Rave] Back from recovery = ??
Created: Sat Feb 25 00:05:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w2x41/back_from_recovery/

[Rant/Rave] When does it change?
/u/DuckyShincracker [5'4 | 138.7 | 23.67 | -66.3lbs | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 23:46:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w2ux9/when_does_it_change/
On mobile, please flair rant.

Went to a party tonight. Planned not to drink at all, but wound up having wine. A friend was there and she only had two glasses and left. Surely I could do that too. No, I had four glasses. I'm a wino. I'm a lush.

I had more than 1300 calories in total today. Maybe it doesn't sound like a lot. Maybe one day it won't. When can I stop freaking out about it? I'm not some emotional teenager, I'm 29!!! When does it end?! When do I stop freaking tf out?!? When?!?

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
Created: Fri Feb 24 22:24:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w2k99/daily_thinspo/

[Thinspo] Discovering music
Created: Fri Feb 24 21:20:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w2awo/discovering_music/
So I was making an ed playlist and ended up falling absolutely in love with this one album, Cause and Effect by Maria Mena. Her voice is beautiful. The lyrics are dark and hold great amounts of truth in them. I was listening to her sing unable to multitask on anything else. I loooooove everything about it. What can I say? I'm a sucker for the sad songs.

Created: Fri Feb 24 20:54:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w270d/groupchat/

[Help] I can't figure out out to actually have energy. Please help 😢
Created: Fri Feb 24 20:54:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w26z2/i_cant_figure_out_out_to_actually_have_energy/
Fasting or even eating 500 or less cals, I can barely function. I drink water, diet coke.. And I still black out when I try walking. How do I fix that?

[Rant/Rave] When will it stop?
/u/3cool0jacket [5'5'' | 155 | 26.10 | -10 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 20:54:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w26y2/when_will_it_stop/
my first rant! yay. I just got back from Olive Garden. Places that have all you can eat anything are a total MIND FUCK for me, especially when they're hot and crowded and I'm like just let me get at more of that shitty, shitty salad and those breadsticks. I feel so fucking discouraged that I keep on binging and overeating and I just want it to stop and I just want a normal relationship with food. Will there ever be a day where I can just eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full? People do that, right? What will it take for me? I hate how fat my arms are and my stomach is and even my chest and my thighs and my face and on the days when I overeat I just imagine that I'm growing larger by the second even though I know it takes more time than that and I feel so alone. So yeah.

[Rant/Rave] The new guy I started seeing is so skinny
/u/alonelyturd [5'0 | 93.8 lb]
Created: Fri Feb 24 20:44:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w25fn/the_new_guy_i_started_seeing_is_so_skinny/

I straight up grope his wrists
Like he thinks I'm going to hold his hand but nope, going to feel up those wristbones

My ex was thinspo because he was literally twice my weight, and could fit his fingers around both of my wrists held together
And he loved when I did the "cool girl who can eat anything" act in front of him
And I know he stopped sleeping with his ex because she got so skinny it scared him, and I wanted to be so skinny it scared him too

But now there's a new boy, and he's just actual thinspo because he is tiny and I need to be worthy of that

Anyways I'm sick, sorry for shitposting

[Rant/Rave] "wow, that's a huge piece of cake!"
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 20:11:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w20c1/wow_thats_a_huge_piece_of_cake/
My boyfriend got a huge, decadent cake and said I could have as much as I want. It was my cheat day (don't do this a lot but every once in a while it's necessary for me). So I got a piece of his cake. And he comments on how much cake I got. Kill me.

[Goal] Anyone here that's five foot tall? What's you goal weight?
Created: Fri Feb 24 19:23:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w1sfd/anyone_here_thats_five_foot_tall_whats_you_goal/

[Rant/Rave] I've been stuck at around the same weight for 4 months and it's driving me insane
Created: Fri Feb 24 19:21:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w1rxr/ive_been_stuck_at_around_the_same_weight_for_4/

[Discussion] DAE (over)exercise and feel extra bloated/swollen? [exercise addiction]
Created: Fri Feb 24 18:48:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w1mmw/dae_overexercise_and_feel_extra_bloatedswollen/
I know I'm addicted to exercise, I'm addicted to running. I wake up at 4 am to run at least 4 miles everyday and some days I like it but other times I hate it. I've started feeling like my legs are too muscley and I'm losing my thigh gap, but I can't stop exercising. I feel like it also makes me extra hungry, and maybe somewhat "fluffy" because it's too much cardio and not strength training. I just feel trapped and the idea of stopping exercising is absolutely terrifying to me.

Have any of you guys gone through or overcome an exercise addiction?

I think I need to prove to myself that I can have the body I want without exercise. I want to be somewhat toned, but also just small and dainty. Running so much is clearly not getting me there but I don't know how to make myself believe that there's any other way.

[Other] Found this cute measuring tape to make body checking not as miserable
/u/vulpixies [5'4" | CW 123 | GW 110 | 23F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 18:42:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w1lge/found_this_cute_measuring_tape_to_make_body/

[Discussion] Can we talk about root vegetables?
/u/toadally-grody [174.5cm / 47.9 / 15.7 / maintaining / F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 18:23:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w1ic2/can_we_talk_about_root_vegetables/
On mobile, add discussion flair. Also my stats need updating.

So basically most of my diet is fruit and veg and I don't really count the calories in it.

I weighed a large swede tonight out of interest and it was 800g. That's about 300kcal. Why am I ok with eating that but not 300kcal bread? It's like not all calories are equal in my eyes.

I just let myself eat root veg because that's the stodgiest stuff I can handle. Is this bad? I think I feel better about it because I always have a good bowel movement after. Sorry if TMI.

How do you guys feel about them?

[Help] Roommates
Created: Fri Feb 24 18:16:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w1h4r/roommates/

[Rant/Rave] My mom made me drink this thing and now I went over my calorie limit
Created: Fri Feb 24 17:08:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w14hi/my_mom_made_me_drink_this_thing_and_now_i_went/
My mom bought this drink that is supposed to give you energy. She kind of like made me drink it. I think she's catching on that something is up bc she asked if I ate dinner. Anyways. I'm kind of mad. I went over my calorie limit. Luckily it's only 25 calories that I went over, but still. I'm going to cut out an extra 25 calories tomorrow now.

Kik group
Created: Fri Feb 24 16:36:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w0yjs/kik_group/

[Help] Post binge self-care? <3
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 52.5 kg | 19.28 | 18 f]
Created: Fri Feb 24 16:31:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w0xjd/post_binge_selfcare_3/
Long story short is i ate what a full grown man should eat in a day in a couple of hours. What do you guys do to "get clean"? I have this on my list so far:

* take a nice, long, steaming hot shower. Wash and shave everything. Apply moisturizer after drying off

* repaint nails

* clean room

* drink a can (or 4) of tea

* go for a relaxing walk

* make some DIY stuff for my room

* on that note, hang up those three posters (gotta stop the procrastination)

* read

* play sims (lol)

* water all the plants in the house

* and most importantly: eat! not going to set myself up for another binge

* so prepare healthy, filling, low-cal food

I'm on my way to bed now, i feel super nauseous and all around terrible. But tomorrow will be good and i will be kind to myself. Any ideas for post binge self care? What do you guys do post binge? (Besides cry yourself to sleep haha lol^kill ^me )

[Help] Beginner help
Created: Fri Feb 24 16:21:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w0vpw/beginner_help/

[Discussion] going to try recovery (again)
Created: Fri Feb 24 16:18:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w0v4i/going_to_try_recovery_again/

[Discussion] Music while dizzy?
/u/DuckyShincracker [5'4 | 138.7 | 23.67 | -66.3lbs | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 16:06:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w0sn0/music_while_dizzy/
On mobile, please Flair discussion.

So, I don't know if this is weird, but does anyone else have a particular type of music they like to listen to when you're feeling kind of dizzy? Like, I love listening to Thievery Corporation when I'm a little dizzy because it's so chill, I almost feel like I'm floating or kind of high... is that weird? LOL! What about you all?

[Rant/Rave] Fat logic therapist
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 155.9 | -41lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Fri Feb 24 15:34:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w0m9i/fat_logic_therapist/
Does anyone else have one of these? Everything I feel ~is related to restricting~ despite her knowing my long history of depression. Like today I was saying how my period was abnormally short (main topic was I was irritable due to hormone-less periods now) but I just got a copper iud in December so they're not that regular yet and she goes: it could be because you're malnourished. Yeah, with 30% body fat I'm experiencing amenorrhea.

I feel existential dread despite enjoying my job: it's because restricting is making me tired (or maybe it's still my depression perhaps???).
If I ate more I'd lose weight faster (wrong).
My body's going to go into starvation mode soon (doesn't exist).
If I just stop looking at calories, I'll relax and lose weight (how do you think I got huge in the first place???).

I seriously am at my wits' end with this fat logic. I only told her about it so I could try to sort out where it's coming from, I don't need her fallacies. It's gotten to the point where I'm about to not schedule my next appointments... I used to look forward to getting to express my emotions but now I kind of dread it.

[Discussion] "Take a break from your ED" - What does it mean to you?
/u/cannibale101 [5'4" | Not happy with this anymore]
Created: Fri Feb 24 15:19:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w0j3t/take_a_break_from_your_ed_what_does_it_mean_to_you/
What comes to your mind when you think of saying "fuck you, get out" to the storm, just for a moment, like an impulsive (obviously temporary) snap out?

To me the first thing that comes is sleep. I want to sleep infinitely, that's the most relieving idea i have. "My happy place", i guess. Being awake is exhausting.

[Help] Malnutrition causing nausea?
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Fri Feb 24 14:46:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w0cf1/malnutrition_causing_nausea/
Lately I have been feeling physically sick very often, like I'm about to throw up. I've been eating the same things I usually do, and the same amount (>500 calories per day) so I'm not sure if it's related to my eating or something else. I was thinking it's very possible that I could be malnourished, and I was wondering if anyone has had a similar experience or has any advice.
Thanks in advance!

[Help] Swinging back and forth from extremes... expecting a binge any day now. How to stop/avoid it?
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 113 GW: 85 | -18 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 13:29:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vzw8u/swinging_back_and_forth_from_extremes_expecting_a/
Hi all.

So my ED is pretty wild: I'm either eating everything or eating nothing for days at a time. I've posted about it a bit already, but I had a major falling out with my boyfriend and haven't eaten anything for 3 days now. I'm starting to get headaches and can't stay up so I'm trying to eat even if I don't feel like it... I'm just scared once I start eating it'll turn into a full weekend of binging. I don't even care about the cals, I care about getting bloated and nauseated and dead tired because I literally ate more than my stomach could hold. Any tips? Really really worried.

[Rant/Rave] Weight Milestones
/u/dirtandherbs [5'3 | CW 96 | GW 93 | BMI 17.0 | 23F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 13:21:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vzuft/weight_milestones/
On Mobile, will flair when I get home... feel free to tag as a rant.

For me I have a couple of weight milestones that I get stuck on for 2-3 days until I can push past it. 101 is the one I just passed. The next milestones are 98 and 96. I finally made it to 100 and am just feeling a little disappointed. I worked for this for how long and that's it? How is it my body still looks so bad? I'm thin but not where I want to be. I still have more work to do.

[Rant/Rave] I need to get some shit off my chest
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Fri Feb 24 12:30:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vzjgg/i_need_to_get_some_shit_off_my_chest/
I used to just lurk here, and occasionally try to make helpful comments, but i've been a lot more active lately as my life becomes more and more unbearable as the days go by.

I like to consider myself a recovered bulimic. For many years, I binged and purged daily, sometimes once a day, sometimes several with no recovery in sight. I moved away with my fiance to a new area 2 years ago, and couldn't purge with him being around. I gained weight. Found a new way of eating. Lost weight without purging. Was happy for a while. I thought I had found the solution and fixed all my problems.

Fast forward to now. We moved to a new city after our work place was raided by police. Set up shop in a new area, where we shouldn't face any legal trouble. He works most days, and I stay home playing the role of the house wife for now, I guess. We will not have any money until April & are being funded by an investor until then. It sucks. I tried to get a part time job, but my record scares every employer away. The new house has no appliances, and every time he receives money from the investor, he spends it on fast food, weed, and alcohol. The diet that keeps me from bulimic episodes requires a fridge at least. He refuses to get even a mini fridge, eats take out garbage all day, and doesn't seem to care about my well being.

So what do I do? I subsist off of quest bars, tuna cans, and coffee, of course. If I ate any of the food he ate, I would throw it up. This house is cold, empty, there's no internet, no food I can eat, and I found out this morning that our bed has FLEAS in it for some reason. We don't have a pet.

Since I am not making the money and I can't get a job, I feel like I have no say in anything. No power anymore. I've got nothing. We were supposed to be partners, but since he's the only one dealing with the business side of it, I've been pushed aside. I know he just doesn't want to work with me.

I feel imprisoned. I asked him if he could pick me up a quest bar on the way home from work this morning. When he got home, he said he had forgotten. I opened another can of tuna, and cried.

I know it's not going to be like this forever, but for now, the best option to me in this situation is weight loss. And that makes me sad. Really, really sad, as somebody who managed to overcome the beast that is bulimia only to be diving headfirst into anorexia for textbook reasons.

I'm going to head to the store to buy....more quest bars in a little bit. This house has no heat, and I'm in bed with the fleas, because I can't stand to be around him right now. I have therapy next week, and i'm looking forward to discussing these matters. But for the unseeable future.. all i'm looking forward to is hitting double digits.

[Tip] ED and Dating tips and advice?
/u/CuppyCakesLovey [5'5 | CW:97 | BMI:16.14 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 11:35:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vz791/ed_and_dating_tips_and_advice/
Was just wondering on how this would work? Espcially when they ask you out to eat on the first date. Would love some advice since it has been a while since I have been out there in the mix. Thank you all and TGIF

[Intro] New to the group
Created: Fri Feb 24 11:23:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vz4lp/new_to_the_group/
Hey group! New here — been struggling with overeating and binging my whole life and haven't really sought any support for it. I went through a good period last year where I was losing weight and eating felt *okay* but holidays were rough and it feels like I gained a bunch of weight back (I'm not weighing myself to help stay sane so I don't know for sure) and I'm frustrated and mad and wish I could just be thin like I was three months ago (even though the difference is probably minimal) So I'm here! Yay. Looking forward to struggling with other people.

[Tip] Was about to impulsively go to the bakery but instead impulsively made these meringue cookies instead. THIRTY FIVE cookies for 30 cal!
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105.2 | GW 95]
Created: Fri Feb 24 09:15:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vybwd/was_about_to_impulsively_go_to_the_bakery_but/
I'm sure sugar free meringues is old news to y'all but I'm just SO happy with how these turned out. I've had bad results with goopy ugly sugar free meringues before but these were crispy, light, and delicious with no weird aftertaste.



Just look at that texture!! Felt like real cookies!

I vaguely followed this recipe http://alldayidreamaboutfood.com/2012/06/shannons-sugar-free-meringues-low-carb-and-gluten-free.html using 2 medium egg whites and 2.5 tbsp truvia (splenda does NOT work). Didn't have cream of tartar but that wasn't a problem. I used strawberry extract but couldn't really taste it so next time I'm gonna try vanilla, lemon, and cocoa versions instead. Using a piping bag I was able to make 35 1-inch cookies.

On my baking kick I also tried out these sugar free marshmallows http://purelytwins.com/2013/02/08/how-make-sugarfree-marshmallows-gelatin/ that are still setting so I'll let you guys know how those go. Would be great to have marshmallows with my almond milk hot cocoa.

[Thinspo] Is it just me or do NSFW subs have the best thinspo? (x-post r/AsianHotties)
/u/FuckItFoodFree [5'3 | 92.6lbs/42.0blazeit kgs | 16.5 | -18 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 08:39:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vy4ao/is_it_just_me_or_do_nsfw_subs_have_the_best/

[Other] Alcohol
/u/borrow_our_light [5'7| 134.4lbs | 21.78 BMI | -27.2lbs | F | GW 115]
Created: Fri Feb 24 08:16:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vxzf6/alcohol/
I'm in this weird head place where even the thought of food is making me sick, which hasn't ever happened before unless I had the flu. It's like my body is just to tired to eat, it's so strange. But... apparently I have no aversion to alcohol, I am actually craving it which is weird bc I don't like the flavors at all. Also without eating and being a lightweight, drinking isn't the best option.

Idk I'm rambling. I wish I could just go back to restricting

I'm on mobile can't flair sorry

[Rant/Rave] I think my ED is getting worse, and I'm happy. This is messed up
/u/venetianrosequartz [5'7"|CW 165|HW 165|LW 130|GW 135|UGW 112|WL 0| BMI 25.8|Female]
Created: Fri Feb 24 06:43:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vxhya/i_think_my_ed_is_getting_worse_and_im_happy_this/
Even though clinically and mentally my anxiety and depression are almost non existent now (yay), my eating disorder is getting worse. I've always blamed my anxiety for causing my ED so why ???

The past few weeks have been spiraling behavior. I've been binging at least once a day, purging every few, and as of today I chewed and spit for the first time. I can definitely see why purging and c&s are addicting behaviors. I was so tempted to chew and spit more, but I managed to stop myself because all I could think about was how ugly I probably look doing it.

Now that I think about it, that's probably why I have an ED. I'm obsessed with being beautiful. Unless I feel like I crawled up from hell, I slather makeup on and wear heels and try to do my hair and look good. It makes me happy sometimes, but most of the time I feel like a fraud. People tell me I'm pretty, and on good days I can see why, but on bad days I'm a huge ugly fat troll. I spend all my time and money trying to be more beautiful. Maybe if I buy this product, I'll be pretty and love myself. Maybe if I walk for three hours, I'll be toned and love myself. Maybe if I starve myself, then binge and purge, I'll be thin and love myself.

My binging has gotten worse. I think I'm trying to compensate for all the stress I'm going through (moving out and getting a new job) so I keep putting on weight, which makes me hate myself more and makes me more stressed so I binge more. But between the binges, there have been blessings.

There are moments where all I eat is a cup of soup, or drink water, or eat ice or bean sprouts and I stop. There are moments where I eat nothing at all, almost for a while days. This is what I honestly live for. When I restrict, I feel beautiful. I feel complete. I feel happy.

The dizziness that comes with not eating makes me miserable, of course, but also deep within, giddy. I'm losing weight. I'm slimming up. I'll be pretty.

I hope my binges stop. I hope my purging stops and I hope I stop c&s. But I hope I never stop restricting. I want to be consumed by my ED in that aspect.

I know it's unhealthy and I know it has long term consequences, but it feels like my mental stability is dependent on the scale.

This has been a really long ramble, sorry. Thank you for reading, and my apologies for not being able to flair as rant/rave, I'm on mobile.

[Rant/Rave] EDs and Jealousy
Created: Fri Feb 24 05:58:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vxb4h/eds_and_jealousy/
I have a friend who is downright jealous of my eating disorder. I'm sick of her pointing out in front of everyone that I never eat, talking about how skinny I am and just making fun of me. I know she only does it because she's insecure about her body but jfc, does she think I want to have this?! It's a fucking deadly mental illness, you don't want it and you shouldn't be jealous!! The friend was making fun of me with some other girls and compared me to "an emaciated monster". Gotta love drama, but come on. My friend knows about my struggles with my ED and she still does shit like this. Anyone know how to deal with it?/: sorry for ranting

[Goal] Finally lasted over a day!
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|GW:120 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 05:57:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vxavh/finally_lasted_over_a_day/
No food! I haven't eaten in over 24 hours and counting! I'm so happy I was finally able to control myself after so long!! I only got like 3 hours of sleep but now I'm past the hunger pains so I'll ride this out and see how long I can go without eating. I am visiting my family this weekend so I'll prolly end up eating a little something by the end of the day but here's hoping!

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! February 24, 2017
Created: Fri Feb 24 05:17:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vx5fs/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
This is the weekly picture thread for February 24, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host-- Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 24, 2017
Created: Fri Feb 24 05:17:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vx5fb/daily_food_diary_february_24_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for February 24, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Tip] Water retention can show on the body, not just the scale.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [28/F | SW: 105kg | CW: 51kg | GW 1: 45kg ( UGW: 39.9kg )]
Created: Fri Feb 24 05:06:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vx3x5/water_retention_can_show_on_the_body_not_just_the/
After a few months of a restrict-binging cycle, turned to outright binging when I 'allowed' myself to eat to 'bulk', turned to eating at maintenance with some subtle overeating thrown in, I've gained a bunch of weight.

I was absolutely distraught at how I looked. My stomach was so fat and wobbly, my face incredibly puffy and wobbly to the point of having a double chin, my hands were chubby - my wrist bones completely gone. With my binge urges and ravenous hunger having died down completely, I went back to restricting.

Last four days I have fasted twice, and kept at 300 cal twice. I was surprised at how easy it was after being stuck in ravenous hunger for so long - even before I cracked and ended up binging, I was battling hunger every day trying to restrict. However, what I am more surprised about is how much my body has deflated.

I'm no stranger to water weight, even semi-large amounts of water and bloat weight, but I still had NO IDEA someone could retain so much that it affects how the body looks to that extreme.

I still feel fat, have absolutely gained a LOT of real mass, and I still want to lose.. but it's not as bad as I thought. While I still consider myself pretty fat/chubby right now, the difference between now and four days ago is still extreme. The appearance of double chin has lessened, my stomach doesn't look pregnant anymore and not as flabby (although so much weight has still gone to my torso eurghghghg), my arms and hands no longer puffy and quite as chubby looking. I HAVE WRIST BONES BACCKKKKkk.

I thought I'd post this if it helped someone else avoid such horrible feelings about themselves and panic, if they are coming out of an overeating or binging phase <3 And to just generally let the people who, like me, didn't realise that water weight can have quite such an extreme effect on appearance that.. well.. apparently it can!

(**Note**: I'm not advocating going back to severe restriction after a period of binging/overeating *at all* - I'm just using this to point out that you may see extra weight on your body that is *not* fat and *not* permanent, and has the ability to go away once your body has chucked the water weight off no matter how it does that.. whether forced due to restriction, or just getting back some balance!)

Still aint weighing myself for shit though lol, I'd break down and cry I'm pretty sure fuck thattt.

[Rant/Rave] I need people to tell me to come to my senses.
/u/xParabola [5'7 | 150.3 | 23.46 | -13.9 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 01:05:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vwcfh/i_need_people_to_tell_me_to_come_to_my_senses/
So, I want to start off by saying I was never diagnosed with an ED, nor do I "identify" myself to have an ED. I do not wish to develop an ED, I do not wish an ED upon others. All I know is that I have struggled with insecurity, mainly revolving my appearance and that since the last couple years (the years I moved away from my parents, really) I may have been adopting what others would perceive as "wrong" behavior revolving food.

Restricting is only so much, though the reason I'm writing right now after lurking for so long is because I purged for the fourth time in my life. I know this doesn't sound like a big deal, but it is to me.

The first time was somewhere in 2015. It was a small amount and I told myself I'd never do it again. Lately, I have been losing weight succesfully. More succesfully than before, as I'm currently at a weight I haven't been in roughly 7 years, so I think you can understand my happiness about this, even though I still have way more to lose.

Because I've been so succesful, not just at restricting, but also at eating healthier, and exercising much more, I've also become REALLY paranoid about slip ups. The last few weeks, every time I've binged, I have purged right after. The second time it happend, I again told myself "never again", and yet it happened two more times this month. The difference being that I moved from "I'm purging, what am I doing, stop now" and stopping, to "trying to get everything out".

I have very mixed feelings, and I'm sorry if anyone is disgusted with me. I am disgusted with myself.. and disappointed, sad, angry, confused, but also.. happy and relieved? Like I have undone damage.

I don't want to start "liking" this or "this becoming normal". I need some people to tell me to stop. I'll admit, I'm weak, that's why I often need the voice of others.

I'm sorry for venting.. I wish I was just content with myself, but I've been lost for years, and this is the first time I've reached out. Please bear with me..

Edit: Sorry if my English makes no sense. Not a native speaker and currently very tired/confused. :/

[Discussion] Public kik chat struggles
/u/FuckItFoodFree [5'3 | 92.6lbs/42.0blazeit kgs | 16.5 | -18 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 00:39:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vw9d9/public_kik_chat_struggles/

[Rant/Rave] I can't even play Sims 3 without my eating disorder chiming in
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 23:07:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vvxnm/i_cant_even_play_sims_3_without_my_eating/
Okay, so I've made a family in Sims 3. Ihaven't played the game in a while and it's really distracting. However, of course I'm so fucked in the head that I can't do anything without projecting myself into it.

I will only let my simmers eat my safe-foods. Which means, garden salad, all the time. I think one of my simmers tried to make macaroni and cheese and I have never canceled an action so fast. My teenage daughter ended up going hungry to school.

Also, I ain't about designing males so I've made a sweet lesbian couple. I've made sure to make them both an athletic curvy. And giving them all the 'confident' and 'strong' traits ~~I don't have mommy issues what are you talking about~~

With them being a lesbian couple, I've adopted all my children. The two oldest are both thin~~I'm so fucking jealous of the girl she's an actual nymph~~ but the youngest was... Chubby.

So what did I do? Time to turn on testingcheatsenabled and take her out of school, so I could have her lift weights until she lost it all. Now, that my ~~fictional~~ child has lost weight the healthy way, she won't develop an eating disorder.

What is wrong with me?

[Rant/Rave] I lost my ass
/u/pointmass [5'6" | 104 | 16.85 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 22:27:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vvrpr/i_lost_my_ass/
The other day, my SO casually said "you've lost your ass." And today, he said he could see my tailbone. He's been weighing me regularly. And I ate almost 2,000 calories today because he kept giving me food, making me eat.

I want to recover, I really do. I liked having a full booty. But right now I feel effing sad. I'm so conflicted. I want to increase my intake to gain back my butt, but am worried all the fat will go to the wrong places. I feel bad for eating so much today. Every single day fight myself to eat around my maintenance and maybe I'll allow myself to slowly go up to 108 lbs... idk. I hate myself.

[Rant/Rave] Had to eat a fair bit yesterday :(
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 145lbs | BMI 21.47 |- 19lbs | GW 130lbs | 24F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 22:15:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vvpze/had_to_eat_a_fair_bit_yesterday/
Yesterday I had to stay really safe and take the morning after pill because the condom broke and I REALLY don't want a baby.

I was doing SO well with my food intake for that day.

The pharmacist was like "have you eaten today ? Because if not, the pill can make you really nauseous and make you throw up, which means you'd have to come back and get another one."

So I had a low calorie vegan pastry and a low calorie chocolate bar. However this triggered an almighty binge of curry AND sushi later.

All I'm glad is that I didn't just break open a bag of crisps and go to town.

Trying to think of today being a new day and I can control everything better.

[Help] Should I try EC stack with generalized anxiety disorder?
Created: Thu Feb 23 21:56:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vvmsb/should_i_try_ec_stack_with_generalized_anxiety/

[Discussion] Recording daily weight: first weigh in or lowest weigh in? [discussion]
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 20:41:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vva5q/recording_daily_weight_first_weigh_in_or_lowest/
I KNOW I'm not the only one in here who weighs themselves multiple times a day- fellow obsessed, which weight do you log? First or best?

No flair mobile as usual sorry team

For those who freak out about not losing weight while working out!
Created: Thu Feb 23 20:23:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vv6xe/for_those_who_freak_out_about_not_losing_weight/

[Rant/Rave] i can't wait until i go to college
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 139 | GW: 90 | F/18]
Created: Thu Feb 23 19:57:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vv26d/i_cant_wait_until_i_go_to_college/
Whenever we have no food I like eating in the house, I have barely any cravings because I won't want to eat food that's not in the kitchen anyways. I can't wait until I can just give away all the food and candy I'm given to other students. I've been binge eating for the past week and I'm so terrified to weigh myself. I'll be in college finally this September and it'll be really easy to get rid of food before it becomes a problem!!! Then no more cravings. I'm already massive and can't let myself get the so-called "Freshman 15". Maybe I'll get a reverse freshman 15 lmao.

Am I overlooking something with this nutrution info? Do I trust MFP or the box? I'm getting overly anxious because I've been eating popcorn a lot lately thinking it was way fewer calories than MFP says it is!
/u/Scooter_Boots [5'4.5" | CW Magnificent Land Whale | GW 115 | 27F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 19:31:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vuxcv/am_i_overlooking_something_with_this_nutrution/

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
Created: Thu Feb 23 19:30:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vux79/daily_thinspo/

[Intro] New to this sub
/u/missellie514 [5'5" | SW 160 | CW 154 | GW 125 | 22F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 19:06:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vusy3/new_to_this_sub/
Hey guys, i just discovered this sub a few weeks ago, and i love the support ive seen. Ive had a really touch month. For years i have been binging/purging, but ive usually kept it to a minimum (maybe once or twice a month) i felt in control. Last month i got laid off at work, and i have been thrown into a downward spiral of depression. Going from a 12 hour a day job at the hospital to just sitting at home all day has really taken a toll on me. I find myself binging and purging up to six times a day. Its gotten out of hand and i can't stop. Its been a month where i have purged at least four times a day. I could really use some support right now...

[Help] Maintenance?
Created: Thu Feb 23 18:36:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vuni1/maintenance/
Can't flair on mobile, sorry.

I decided to start maintaining, as I think I am at the perfect spot between feeling okay about myself (could always be skinnier, but oh well) and having people fooled (if I lose much more I will be in store for some kind of intervention, which i really can't have right now).

How do I do this? I understand CICO and TDEE, but I feel like there's no way I will keep the same body on 2300c a day as I do on 800-1000.
The science of it makes sense, but it's really really hard to make my brain believe I won't gain anything by doubling my calories daily.

Any and all thoughts, experiences, advice, knowledge, suggestions, etc etc welcome here...

[Discussion] Maintenance?
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW110 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 18:33:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vumw3/maintenance/
I know I've posted something similar before but my anxiety is all over the place and I just need to ask again.

I have to get my life together. I can't breath properly, my heart rate is all over the place, my hair is falling out, my blood pressure is fucked up, I'm covered in bruises, and I can't sleep. I know I need to eat more but I'm terrified I'll gain weight. I think if I knew my maintenance calories I could learn to accept eating that much. I'll have to. But I need to know that number is actually correct. I'm not underweight, but the speed at which I've been losing weight has caused my family/friends/doctors concern and I know if I don't stop soon they will try and intervene.

Now that my anxiety fueled ramble there is done and gone with (thanks for keeping with me through that, been under a lot of stress lately) I'll move on to what I'm asking.

So I've decided that my new goal weight is 110. This will be the number I cannot go below. 115 will be the number I cannot go above. I exercise daily, either 30 minutes of cardio in the morning or 30 minutes of weight lifting (not a lot for either but it is enough to give me some toning). I also walk on average 8-10 miles a day.

Depending on the activity level I choose, I get anywhere from 1200 to 1800 calories as maintenance. I'm looking for any guidance on what sounds right. I know that maybe this isn't the best sub to ask nutritional advice on, but it's really the only one I know to ask on. Thanks in advance for any advice!

It's OK that he left me
Created: Thu Feb 23 18:26:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vulkk/its_ok_that_he_left_me/

It's OK that he left me
Created: Thu Feb 23 18:17:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vujsm/its_ok_that_he_left_me/

[Rant/Rave] [rant] Stupid ED is ruining everything I enjoy
/u/butilikeadacookie [5'5" | UGW: 110 | Female]
Created: Thu Feb 23 17:40:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vucpy/rant_stupid_ed_is_ruining_everything_i_enjoy/
Just a rant. I got tickets to the ballet as an early birthday present. I love the ballet, I used to dance before I got an autoimmune disease that causes me pain 24/7. I figured it would be a wonderful night as I haven't gone to the ballet in years as it is so expensive. I was fine for the first act, apart from my usual anxiety of going out around people. Second act starts and all I can see are teensy arms, collarbones, chest ribs, and how perfect their legs are. Men and women, and I can no longer focus on the story, all I can feel is my flabby fatness molding to the seat. Trying to force myself to focus on the actual dancing and story was so hard, and made it almost impossible to enjoy with that stupid ED voice in my head telling me how fat I am and how I must weigh the same as 4 dancers. Today I am getting nauseous just looking at food, I am avoiding mirrors, anything reflective. I just want to go back to appreciating and wishing, not this mind destroying constant narration in my head.

Sorry, just needed to rant, and here is the only place that I can. Thank you for listening.

[Rant/Rave] I hate everything it's like I'm destined for this to not work
/u/frustratedwithfat [F | 5'7" | SW 160, CW 143, GW 123, UGW 113]
Created: Thu Feb 23 17:29:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vuaf9/i_hate_everything_its_like_im_destined_for_this/
So I'm trying to lose as much as possible this week with an upcoming formal event that I want to look perfect for.

Things are going well most of the time but now I'm tired and feel weak, like all my limbs are too heavy. Had a protein bar and a teeny bit of sugar so just waiting for that to kick in.

I want some vodka. I wanna smoke some weed. I can feel myself getting bloated again even though I was JUST losing the fluid and the event is Saturday.

And the straw that is breaking my fucking back now.

My scale died.

I had no screwdriver to open it, tried all the little metal things I could find to try to get the screw off, and in the end freaked and broke the battery cover off...

Only to find it runs on a button cell lithium battery which I obviously do not have.

Fuck this fuck that fuck everything

[Discussion] What supplements do you guys take?
Created: Thu Feb 23 17:28:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vuaa6/what_supplements_do_you_guys_take/

[Rant/Rave] Just a thank-you to my SO because I can't actually tell him this
/u/neuro-fuzzy [5'6.3| CW: ~110 ☹ | BMI: ? | LW 98 | GW 108 | 20F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 16:09:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vtu6m/just_a_thankyou_to_my_so_because_i_cant_actually/
He's always made fun of me for how little it seems like I eat. I binge in secret, but that's a different matter.. I'll finish my plate of food at a restaurant and he'll be like "OMG that's the most I've ever seen you eat" and we've been together since July. He's so familiar with my body that he'll notice if I've lost even a few pounds.

He'll give me tiny servings if he cooks, be totally cool with me just having a glass of wine for dinner if that's all I'm feeling, and he doesn't bother me about it.

This summer I was severely underweight (bmi 16.0), and now that I've gained he's obsessed with my body and thinks I'm perfect. So I don't feel totally bad about how I look. Just mostly. But I can always look to him for some source of external reassurance.

Anyway, I so appreciate how he understands that this is my life (he's seen me go to the ED clinic, he's seen me freak out about my weight on a routine basis). He's encouraging of me having a positive self-image, understanding about my feelings towards food, and still knows I love sweet things and encourages but doesn't force me to get them if I don't want to.

I love him. He's pretty cool. :)

[Help] I fear that my binging isn't due to restriction anymore
/u/foldedpapercranes [5'6'' | 105lbs | bmi 17| F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 16:06:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vttpr/i_fear_that_my_binging_isnt_due_to_restriction/
I can restrict really well unless I binge on sugar. For the past two weeks I ate 1000-1400 calories a day. I lost weight ultra slow but it was ok. Was trying to be healthy and lose weight normally.

But I still binged as soon as I went over that range. I had a brownie with ice cream and even though I would have been at maintenance I used it to rationalize binging. Ate a shit ton.

I want to stop binging. But apparnetly even if I eat enough calories I will binge because that's what I do when I mess up.

Should I throw restriction out the window and make it my single goal (above losing weight even) to stop binging?

Or should I restrict more because if I restrict enough it will make up for the binge. I can't risk eating more and STILL binging.

[Discussion] Has anyone here done modeling ever?
/u/yakeiram [5'9" | 116.4 | GW 115 | 16.91 | -6 | Female]
Created: Thu Feb 23 15:57:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vtrsg/has_anyone_here_done_modeling_ever/
Just a random thought--has anyone here ever modeled, or tried it out? I know EDs are unfortunately common in the modeling community. I have done amateur stuff and am looking into trying to do more shoots this summer, but sometimes I worry that it would trigger my ED more because of how important skinniness is for most models/agencies...thoughts?

[Help] My brain keeps trying to rationalise a binge
/u/DeusOff [5'7.5" | 118.8lb | 18.3 | -4lb | GW: 90lb | 19NB]
Created: Thu Feb 23 15:29:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vtlxx/my_brain_keeps_trying_to_rationalise_a_binge/
I'm on mobile so I can't flair, sorry!!

For the last 2-3 days, my brain has been determined to get me to have a binge. I've been thinking about it all day, and I can't stop rationalising it in my head. I'm really craving granola with almond milk and chopped banana, but I really can't eat anything else today (unless it's 46 calories) because I'm at 254/300 for day 7 of the ABC diet. Ugh.

Does anyone have any advice on how to curb this? It's causing me a lot of stress.

[Discussion] DAE get scared when they look at progress pics?
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 15:25:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vtl6q/dae_get_scared_when_they_look_at_progress_pics/
Sometimes when I look at progress pics I feel really proud of the person. Like "look at how noticeable the weight loss is!" and it inspires me but other times I see someone at a similar height and weight and think "Is that really what I look like?!?"
I'm not trying to put anyone down or the progress they've made but I am scared to death that even when I hit my goal weight I'll still look like a fucking cow.....

[Discussion] What do you guys eat with vitamins/medications?
/u/descendingscales [5'7 | 160 | 25.1 | -50lbs | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 15:21:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vtkes/what_do_you_guys_eat_with_vitaminsmedications/
I feel like there's been a lot of talk about vitamins recently on this sub I finally started taking mine again but I need to eat with them or I get unimaginably sick. It also seems to depend on what/how much I eat. Like, this morning I had a fruit roll up and almond milk and felt awful at work, but yesterday laying around I felt fine.

What's your routine for taking pills with food?

[Discussion] DAE know their body fat % and what do you look like?
Created: Thu Feb 23 14:52:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vte0g/dae_know_their_body_fat_and_what_do_you_look_like/

[Discussion] Anyone else smoke marijuana?
/u/sewnp [5'6"/h8 myself/NB/UGW:90]
Created: Thu Feb 23 13:27:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vsutq/anyone_else_smoke_marijuana/
Follow up question, does anyone smoke and stare at their body in the bathroom going :/

I do! I actually have been finding it easy right now not to binge while I am high. I've been playing a lot more video games and trying to study for school.

Also should probably mention that I smoke for my depression/anxiety most of all and that daily or 70-80% of the time is normal for me. I've been lucky enough to have only gotten jobs where they don't test for that, but I live in California now so it's a little easier.

Is it easier or harder for you guys where you live to maybe 'smoke n restrict' as I call it. No pressure from me.

Discussion tag/Mobile

The duality of man
Created: Thu Feb 23 13:06:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vsq6p/the_duality_of_man/

[Tip] As promised: A long ass post on hair loss.
/u/daeboo [5ft1/81lbs]
Created: Thu Feb 23 13:06:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vsq5t/as_promised_a_long_ass_post_on_hair_loss/

[Discussion] Low cal coffee choices?
Created: Thu Feb 23 13:05:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vsps5/low_cal_coffee_choices/

[Help] What happens when people start asking questions?
/u/pussystrongerthangod [168cm | 119lb | 19.2 | vegan cow | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 12:39:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vsjwn/what_happens_when_people_start_asking_questions/
I'm worried that people (my family) are going to start asking me about my weight loss in a negative way. ...particularly my mum and sister.

But the awkward thing is I can't stop doing what I'm doing. I'm a long way from actually feeling comfortable in my own skin. So somehow I'm gonna have to put off their questions/concerns.


*on mobile, mods please help/discussion*

[Discussion] Do I maybe have an eating disorder?
Created: Thu Feb 23 12:02:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vsbmj/do_i_maybe_have_an_eating_disorder/

[Help] Timberline Knolls?
Created: Thu Feb 23 11:28:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vs3ok/timberline_knolls/
My therapist is making me bring in my dad today to talk about sending me back to rehab for anorexia and substance abuse. She's been pretty adamant about sending me to TK. Has anyone on here been there? Can you share your experiences?

[Discussion] do you guys ever set food goals for yourselves?
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|GW:120 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 11:04:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vry70/do_you_guys_ever_set_food_goals_for_yourselves/
like "stay under 200 today then tomorrow i can have a reeses cup" or "fast today and tomorrow i can have an orange"? i feel like, for me, this is more manageable. if i am craving something today i can just tell myself to hold out till tomorrow and ill reward myself. nothing too crazy but idk feels like it works for me!

[Discussion] Chicken Broth?
/u/paytontanner94 [5'4 | CW 120| UGW: 112 l 25F ]
Created: Thu Feb 23 10:43:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vrtii/chicken_broth/
I always feel guilty about sipping on chicken broth for dinner. Even if I get reduced sodium broth, there is still *a lot* of sodium. How do you feel about it? I've done some research and know that sodium can make you bloated. Does it have other adverse effects to weight?

[Thinspo] Found some reverse thinspo on pintrest
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 10:15:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vrn2x/found_some_reverse_thinspo_on_pintrest/

[Rant/Rave] Scared of salads I guess
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 155.9 | -41lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Thu Feb 23 09:54:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vridc/scared_of_salads_i_guess/
Was hungry and decided to check out Sweet Green for a salad instead of my Luna bar and then hopefully eat that later. Hoping for a max of ~250-300 and I see on the menu the average calorie count is 500+, and then promptly run away. Thought to myself who can eat 600 calories for a meal (of salad???)???

Normal people, that's who.

[Other] Other people's "safe foods" that scare the shit out of me
/u/nobutlisten [5'5 | CW: 101.0 | GW: lol | BMI: 16.8 | F 25 👽]
Created: Thu Feb 23 09:43:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vrfta/other_peoples_safe_foods_that_scare_the_shit_out/
There are some foods that i see people talk about a lot on this sub as safe foods or just see a lot on our daily intake posts, but for some reason I am way too scared to eat them. Was wondering what other foods you guys think of as scary but other people seem to find safe. DAE have this? Mine are:

- Bananas
- Avocado
- Oatmeal
- Rice
- Toast
- Potatoes
- Skim milk
- Yogurt
- Popcorn

I want to eat these especialyl the ones that have big volume for few calories but I absolutely cannot.

[Thinspo] Park Boram (Feat. Zico) - Beautiful, KPOP song about eating less to become beautiful
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 09:28:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vrcgk/park_boram_feat_zico_beautiful_kpop_song_about/

[Other] Self therapy try out - Binge as well as restriction are actually me being scared of need itself
/u/cannibale101 [5'4" | Not happy with this anymore]
Created: Thu Feb 23 09:27:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vrcb2/self_therapy_try_out_binge_as_well_as_restriction/
I kind of figured out that unlike in restricting mode, where i take pride in "not needing fuel", in my binge mindset i actually get scared shitless about not having it at every moment or else "ohmygod what's gonna happen THEN". Very rational, yes.

Food's always been so deeply emotional to me, it's like an exact analogy for love/lack thereof and my attitude towards it. Love has been presented to me as a painful trap for most of my life and, while needing it very much, i've learned that i have to resist it, otherwise i'm a terrible embarrassment and should just stop existing.

I think i've somehow learned to express that pain by reproducing this dynamics with food as a basic example of care for myself.

Sometimes i feel that i can actually resist it entirely and then i'm less and less of an embarrassment to existence (in that i consume and occupy nothing emotionally and physically). I love those periods of time although they come with a background voice whispering that something's not right with giving infinitely without taking, ever. But nah, it's mostly a glorious time.

Other times i feel i'm not nearly strong enough to resist, i viscerally need it and there's nothing but craves and infinite intake. I then completely fail at protecting myself from harm as well as at not being so high maintenance, so toxic, so annoying, and taking up so much space in general.

So this apply just as well to food and to love, and my very evident need for them to live. Which means my behaviors regarding food and meaningful relationships both look a lot like a tango dance of crave and avoidance all the time, with no peace of mind, no in between.

[Help] Started running around the block at night and have turned into a human garbage disposal.
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 09:13:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vr973/started_running_around_the_block_at_night_and/
Whether I am restricting or not, exercise has always been tough for me. Does anyone else have this problem or have ways of getting around it?

I wouldn't be as hungry when I used to walk but I like running. I'm not even weight training or doing any other workouts. Lord knows that that would do to my appetite!

[Help] Working out at home?
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.4 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 08:04:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vquns/working_out_at_home/
I've been doing awfully as far as not working out. (like at all. ever) I hardly ever move, I just sit at my computer all day or sleep. I've been trying to convince myself to do some at home workouts but I'm not completely sure what to do. Also, DAE restrict but never exercise?

[Other] Did my husband "catch" my ED?
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" | 200 lbs | 29.5 | 30 lbs| Male]
Created: Thu Feb 23 07:53:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vqsmx/did_my_husband_catch_my_ed/
No flair on mobile,

So disclaimer: I know you can't actually catch an ED, I just can't think of how better to word this.

My husband found out about my ED about two weeks or so into us dating, and he's always been supportive and has told me that he wouldn't make me eat if I didn't want to/ wouldn't judge me etc.

He's made me feel so much better about my ED since we've been together, and tries to not pressure me into receiving help, as I've told him I'm not ready to get treatment yet. I know it still worries him that I dont eat enough, but he tries hard not to make me feel like shit about my ED.

Lately he's been trying to lose weight, and he knows nothing about nutrition so he asked me for help. Especially since I do all the cooking in our relationship.

I know that despite having an ED I can actually grasp the concept of healthy eating habits, and have helped him count calories accordingly. I originally had him on 1,400 cals a day, with gym happening 3 or 4 nights a week. However he wasnt losing much if any weight, and he asked to go lower. So I agreed and started him on 1,200 cals a day, and the same thing happened. He's "accidentally" (read: on purpose but pretending it's an accident so I can't get mad at him) only eating ~700 calories a day, and if he goes over that, he gets depressed and upset.

For example, I'm sick rn so I haven't been cooking and asked if he wouldn't mind making his own lunch. He agreed, but then put it off too long and didn't know what to make (there's a reason I do all the cooking!) So he said he's get Subway ot something for lunch. When he gets home that night, he ate a rice cake and half a thing of top ramen. (Again, I cook. He microwaves.) I ask him how many cals hes at for today and he sheepishly says ~800. So he eats a PB & Nutella sandwich for me, and then is upset about eating the sandwich all night.

Sorry for the long read, I just don't know what to do. He says he isn't having ED problems, and has told me he would talk to me if he was. I'm just worried about him. What do I do?

[Discussion] DAE keep a snack drawer?
/u/skinny-waifu [5'2|HW 150 |CW 121|LW 113|F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 06:48:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vqgea/dae_keep_a_snack_drawer/
I don't remember how this happened, but I started putting all my junk food into a drawer, in my desk, in my room. Anytime anyone would give me chocolate or sugary foods, it would straight in there with the intention of "eating it later"... So does anyone else do this sort of thing? Or am I just a little weird?

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support February 23, 2017
Created: Thu Feb 23 05:15:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vq2k7/weekly_emotional_support_february_23_2017/

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 23, 2017
Created: Thu Feb 23 05:15:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vq2j6/daily_food_diary_february_23_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for February 23, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Help] What is a realistic goal to set for 4 months?
Created: Thu Feb 23 01:32:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vpbqf/what_is_a_realistic_goal_to_set_for_4_months/

[Rant/Rave] I always think it'll be the last time
Created: Thu Feb 23 00:29:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vp495/i_always_think_itll_be_the_last_time/

[Rant/Rave] I haven't realized that I was abnormally conscious about my weight when I was a kid
Created: Wed Feb 22 23:19:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5votdl/i_havent_realized_that_i_was_abnormally_conscious/
When I was 5 years old, I remember sitting on a teach assistant's lap and thought that I was so heavy that her legs were turning purple.

When I was 8, I remember always competing with one of my friends to be the skinnier one. She was about the same size that I was, I think i was a little bigger than her. It motivated me to try to be skinnier than her. I don't remember if I actually restricted my calories or not, I might have. I also remember being very self conscious that my legs were big, so whenever I sat down, I used to squeeze my legs together so that they will look smaller. I thought that everybody thought that my legs were fat and I felt extremely self conscious about it.

When I was 9, I constantly looked in the mirror, trying to gauge out whether I got fatter. I wrapped my hand around my wrists and arm to measure whether they got bigger.

I am not quite sure how this all started at such a young age. I think some triggers were that older people always called me fat when I was young. I remember I was crushed when this guy pointed out how fat I got. I also remember a relative of mine who lived in another country saw me when my immediate family and I went to visit and he said I got really fat and that I needed to lose weight. There were several other times when adults criticized my weight. I also remember how my older sisters were self conscious about their weight and I vaguely remember thinking that my thoughts and behaviors were not abnormal as I believed that they acted and thought the same way that I did.

[Intro] I'm Back *cries a little bit*
Created: Wed Feb 22 22:51:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5voo29/im_back_cries_a_little_bit/
I was an active member of this sub a few months ago when I decided I was going to b done with all the shit that bulimia has put me through, and quickly lost control. I've gained a lot of weight over Christmas and even now, I find it almost impossible to resist sweets. I wish I had my willpower back. I went shopping today and my pants size went up 2 :,( I could have cried but I was with my friends and I didn't't want them to worry.

I've started running 2 miles everyday and fasting breakfast/lunch but I think I'm gonna do even more since that seems kinda mild. Sorry I just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading, I love you guys <3

[Help] What do you say to concerned friends?
/u/crimeforcrime [5'6" | 126 | 20.4 | -44 |F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 22:10:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vog36/what_do_you_say_to_concerned_friends/
This is the second time a certain friend has confronted me. She knows my history with EDs. I attempted to tell her not to worry again, that I'm fine, but she made a comment about me 'disappearing before her eyes.' It seems dramatic to me. I'm not underweight (not even close), I don't want to be honest, I don't want to stop, but I also feel like a shitty person lying. As a side note, I realize I'm very fortunate to have people who care about me, despite my selfishness. I just hate the uncomfortable conversations and I especially hate having them before I feel like they're warranted. How do you guys get out of these conversations with minimal damage to your relationships?

All protein diet?
Created: Wed Feb 22 20:48:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vnz15/all_protein_diet/

[Other] I found a poem from right before I started my meds
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 168.2 | -24 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Wed Feb 22 20:43:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vnxvd/i_found_a_poem_from_right_before_i_started_my_meds/
This might be too off topic to post here, but y'all are like my home and it wouldn't feel right posting it to anywhere else on reddit. This poem actually has nothing to do with my ED, because a huge contributing factor to how bad my depression had gotten was the fact that I was not able to restrict anymore (loss of willpower) and ballooned up to...well, way too fat. So, yes this poem was right before I started my meds for severe depression, and was actually on an upswing near manic, but hovering towards the bottom of the bell curve. I think the biggest reason I feel it should be shared here is because a lot of us- if not all of us- suffer from either depression or anxiety or some mental health disorder. Many times it's a contributing factor to the disordered eating, sometimes your disordered eating is the contributing factor to the mental health issue (like me), but you all should know that you are never alone in this community.

It’s like when

You drink too much at a party, and you took a weird pill you shouldn’t have

So the room spins, even when your eyes are closed

Your stomach churns, even with nothing in it

And you want to ask for help, for some water or crackers

But everyone is too busy being okay and cool

And you’re too scared to say anything

So you pass out by yourself in a stranger’s bathroom

Covered in puke.

It’s like when

You wake up late on the morning of finals and fell asleep only half studied

So you rush around half awake and barely aware of what day it is

Until you’re driving to school and it hits you at once

That you are not prepared.

And a cold numbing sensation floods your body

At the realization you will not pass

At the realization you were never going to anyway

And at that moment you turn around and decide not to try

Maybe next year

It’s like when

Your inner mess has finally bled into reality

And your lover and partner and confidant can’t even get into the closet for clothes

Because your place is so trashed

And he pretends he’s okay with it

Because he knows you’re going through a hard time

But you think he’s on the verge of being done with the mess you’re making

Of yourself and your room

So you distance yourself from the only person you can unequivocally trust

And you know how stupid you’re being

But you do it anyway

Until one day

He has to go.


I miss when

A cool breeze floated across me

Wrapped me up in silk and laid me gently on the grass

And the sun kissed me all over

Until I was pink with happiness

The birds went quiet and the cars didn’t come by for a while

For one moment

I felt it again

I miss when

I was okay with being alone

And I didn’t rely on you to make me okay

But I let myself get trapped by your beautiful smile

I’m so afraid that one day

You will not smile at me

And it’ll be my fault

And there’ll be no way to fix it

So I’ll have to live the rest of my life

Knowing I held perfection in my own two hands

But was dumb enough to drop it

And break it beyond repair.

[Rant/Rave] I'm a huge fraud
Created: Wed Feb 22 20:24:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vntbk/im_a_huge_fraud/
How the Ef did I think I classified into the "ED spectrum"? Last night I went out had alcohol, a whole bunch of Gouda fondue with steak, sausage, bread and meatballs, then proceeded to eat 2 scoops of ice cream.

Today I've had 2 doughnuts. Lol like wtf. I don't have an ED. I have wanting to be as fat as possibly syndrome. I hate not having control.

Now it all makes sense why my restrictions and "saving calorie" days aren't adding up to weight loss.

I'm such a silly goose.

Mobile rant

[Thinspo] Video game thinspo?
/u/DuckyShincracker [5'4 | 138.7 | 23.67 | -66.3lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 19:28:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vngzc/video_game_thinspo/
On mobile, flair discussion please. 😁

Anyone have a particular video game that is full of thinspo? For me it's Style Savvy Trendsetters on 3DS. Every character in that game looks like a supermodel. It's awesome because everything looks good on them.

[Rant/Rave] Narcissism
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Wed Feb 22 19:03:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vnbew/narcissism/
This is going to sound crazy, but I think I might have some degree of narcissistic personality disorder.

I've been ashamed of my body for what seems forever now, and to think I might have a disorder where I think I'm "special" or that I'm better than everyone around me is almost unthinkable. But lately, I've been feeling really upset about all that I've failed to achieve in the last two years. I didn't get into my first choice college and couldn't get a bid from my first choice sorority, I couldn't get the guy I was crushing on, couldn't get the dorm I wanted, couldn't get a better scholarship, I wish my friends were "cooler," all of this super petty shit, and it's ruining me.

Now I'm not delusional, I know all of these things are superficial and stupid and I'm 19 years old, and "you'll look back on it when you're 30 and think of how childish you were," but I cannot get it out of my head. What could have been's are all that's inside my head, so much that I cannot focus on anything else. I find myself constantly wishing I could go back in time, and criticizing everything I could've done better. It's consuming all of me, I find myself not being able to sleep just thinking of a million scenarios where I would've been at such a better place this day. I know it's no good to worry about what could have been, because we're here now, and I should be happy with the choices I've made and where they've taken me, but I am so miserable. So so so so miserable. I want to restart everything. I feel like I've ruined the best years of my life somehow by not being good enough at this time. Social media's also getting to me. I don't love having my pictures taken, but seeing all these beautiful girls in my outer friend circles with their amazing social media accounts & how many likes they get... Fuck, this sounds ridiculous, but I just wish I could be them for a day. Get invited to everything, be in those special group chats with the private parties, have people recognize me when I go to a party, get invited to sit at the VIP tables every weekend... I do have it good, I'm still fairly personable and do go out a fair bit, I just wish it was better, I wish I was in the in-crowd, not their outer circle. I AM SO SORRY THIS SOUNDS LIKE I'M IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, but I really, really wish I was better, in every way.

Love you all, hope you're having a better day than I am.

[Thinspo] Best kpop thinspo?
/u/poisonandvenom [5'7" | 145 | 22.8 | F |]
Created: Wed Feb 22 18:28:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vn3fj/best_kpop_thinspo/
Bit of an odd question - I'm not really into kpop, but I adore the petite size of a lot of the idols and I do spend a lot of time watching dance practise videos (and a lot of the songs are so catchy, it isn't as though I dislike them).

But I do find it a vast world, and with so many girls to choose from, and having seen a few thinspo albums here based on the idols, I thought I might consult the experts. :)

Which idol:group do you recommend following for thinspo purposes? I'm 5'7", which I understand is a little taller than most of the idols involved, plus I'm not sure I trust the stats I've seen so I'm focusing purely on looks. Any input would be appreciated. Xx

[Help] Am I deluding myself?
/u/poisonandvenom [5'7" | 145 | 22.8 | F |]
Created: Wed Feb 22 17:51:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vmumj/am_i_deluding_myself/

[Rant/Rave] I threw up after eating for the first time
Created: Wed Feb 22 17:41:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vms6b/i_threw_up_after_eating_for_the_first_time/
I'm sorry I'm on mobile and don't know how to flair. Feel free to remove it if it's too much of a problem.

I have been watching my weight for years now and I have had periods of binging and fasting. But today was different. After my friend convinced me to eat some "2 for 1 offer" fast-food-meal with her, I was feeling the usual guilt and hint of disgust. We went home after eating. It felt so bad looking at myself in the mirror. And that is all it took. I am afraid. It just happened. I'm not feeling ill or anything but as soon as i got undressed and looked at myself I started to feel weird. It was painful but somehow felt amazing. I am scared. I am now laying in my bed crying and can't sleep.

Again, sorry for not flairing. And lack of formatting (long time lurker, first time poster). I already feel a little better after writing this.

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/depression-or-pms [5'4 | CW:131lbs | GW 125| GW2 115lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 17:24:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vmo93/daily_thinspo/

[Thinspo] Thinspo. ✨💕
Created: Wed Feb 22 17:10:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vmki4/thinspo/

[Other] My ED is my most reliable friend even though I have other friends
Created: Wed Feb 22 16:56:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vmhd2/my_ed_is_my_most_reliable_friend_even_though_i/

[Discussion] Super weird craving
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 16:22:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vm9ft/super_weird_craving/
Okay, so..... recently I've been obsessing over getting my meals as low calorie as possible (replacements, cutting some stuff, etc.). I have been craving something salty lately. What's low calorie and salty?? Some low cal popcorn.

Now- how can I make this something good? Something flavorful? Something satisfying?

ADD MUSTARD !! MUSTARD AND LOW CALORIE POPCORN! Perfect. This is all I need. Why are my cravings this weird? Do y'all do things similar?

[Rant/Rave] I am feeling so hopeless about something I cannot fix
/u/enfinseul [5'6 | 105.4 | 17.08 | gw👻 | f]
Created: Wed Feb 22 15:55:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vm2u2/i_am_feeling_so_hopeless_about_something_i_cannot/
I have been in a dark place the past couple days and it is even outside of my eating disorder, though it of course is affected, also.

I realize this from time to time, but no matter how many goal weights I reach, no matter how many times I am so sick in my head that it makes me sick to my stomach, no matter how many calories I strip or how many people tell me that I look good, I am never going to be how I want to look, or what is ideal to anyone here and it kills me.

I have a short torso, that is -- not much space between my ribs and hips, and my hips are very VERY LARGE. They butterfly so much on the top that their contour looks like hip fat when I am naked because my hipjoints are below the widest point and therefore set oddly looking, and every time I see it I want to destroy myself.

I don't know if I am posting for commiseration, or advice, or to see if anyone else has a similar problem that they can offer, but to realize every time I pass a mirror for the shower that I will never be the way I want no matter what I do is so hard.

[Help] Finally bought a scale...
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 15:53:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vm29u/finally_bought_a_scale/

[Rant/Rave] how can i ever begin to love myself?
/u/girlinamber [5'6 | too much | not enough | nb]
Created: Wed Feb 22 15:24:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vlvvz/how_can_i_ever_begin_to_love_myself/

i want to try to love myself so that my boyfriend will be happier. he can't understand why i have so much self-hatred and no self-esteem, and he thinks i'm so beautiful. but i can't see it, not anymore. i hate looking at myself in the mirror, and i wish i had school or a job to keep myself active during the day. i feel too ashamed to walk outside by myself when there isn't a purpose, but i can't pinpoint why. the gym is another story. im too terrified to go because i know people make fun of and take photos of overweight or struggling girls, and i don't want to go alone, but my only friend is super tiny and i always look like a total whale next to her.
i wish i knew that my lowest weight would have been fine, i wish i hadn't stopped caring about how i looked. i wish i had the strength to continue what i had done before.

[Discussion] More than appearance
Created: Wed Feb 22 15:15:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vltz6/more_than_appearance/
I posted the other day that i just started seeing a new therapist and while she seems to have a good handle on how to deal with EDs she does make comments every now and then that make me wonder if she truly gets it. Last week she asked if I understood that a person's value is more than their appearance. I told her EDs are more than appearance, that's just a small part of it. However since our session that comment has been stuck in my head. I've tried to find some good articles that speak to how EDs are more than appearance but I haven't found one that I can give her to drive the point home. Do any of you have any articles or references I could use?

[Help] I feel like I'm losing control with my binging and purging and now I'm losing my money from it.
Created: Wed Feb 22 15:13:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vltjx/i_feel_like_im_losing_control_with_my_binging_and/
to make a long story short I have been very anxiety ridden as of late and it's making me binge and purge every meal plus excess meals and I don't even crave. I'm spending at least $20 a day on meals just so I can get rid of them to relieve my anxiety. Anyone else go through this? I need to stop it before I am poor.

[Discussion] Has anyone had hyperglycemia after fasting/heavy restriction?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 15:05:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vlrvo/has_anyone_had_hyperglycemia_after_fastingheavy/
Whenever I take a week to fast or restrict 500 calories or less, when ever I try to transition back I get hyperglycemia for a long while. Like this week I had been heavily restricting and took a couple bites of a blueberry muffin. My fasting blood sugar was 65 and it shot up to 180 aka bad. My a1c is 4.9 and my fasting blood sugar is usually 85, but if I ever eat anything that isn't vegetables are some low carb vegan protein, my blood sugar spikes up after a few bites. This is why I can never binge bc if a few bites can do that I don't dare dream of what a real binge could do. I am not diabetic but I have pcos and insulin resistance but on paper my numbers are normal but when I track my blood myself it's bad if I take a few bites of anything non vegetable. I thought losing weight was supposed to improve insulin resistance and I've lost 25 lbs since December, so am I doing something wrong? Has anyone experienced this?

[Help] How do I get rid of the water weight???
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 14:55:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vlpol/how_do_i_get_rid_of_the_water_weight/

[Other] Just realized my ED started way earlier than I thought...
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 113 | 19.35| Lost: 47|GW:☠]
Created: Wed Feb 22 13:45:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vl9tq/just_realized_my_ed_started_way_earlier_than_i/
Just found the old ipod touch I used when I was 13. I thought it would be funny to look at old pictures and notes (and to be fair it was)... Then I realized I had MFP installed on it, which I had *zero* recollection of.

Managed to track down the last diary entry in this thing (which was in 2013), and traced back through them to find that I was up to all the same tricks I'm using today. Barely any of the days had calories marked as higher than 600, and even though there is no exercise logged looking back at the dates I know I was doing school sports...

It's weird, as far as I can tell the obsessive calorie logging was just a phase for a few months, but now that I'm thinking about it I remember times in 8th grade when I was super proud of myself for not eating anything for 2 days, and I remember asking a teacher to assign me a new mental disorder in science class because I was uncomfortable doing a presentation on anorexia.

I've always sort of believed my ED was something I developed as an adult, but I guess it's kind of always been here, just dissapeared for a few years (although believe me, the body loathing never left)... Sort of makes me feel like I should have "grown out of it" by now.

Anyway, trying to be less active on this forum these days. I'm finally trying to tackle my depression via anti-depressants, and I know if I show up to my next doctors appointment 10 pounds lighter she's going to take me off of them. Being here makes me sad I can't really restrict right now, even though I love you all so much <3

[Intro] Finally not too lazy to write this
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 155.9 | -41lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Wed Feb 22 13:40:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vl8qi/finally_not_too_lazy_to_write_this/
Hey guys, I've posted quite a few times but was too lazy and/or embarrassed to introduce myself until I was no longer actually obese soooo, here goes.

I'm 21, in my senior year of nursing school, work in the NICU and I have some sort of eating disorder. I fell the first time when I was 15, but always had issues, as I remember being exhausted in 4th grade from having to hold my stomach in all the time but thought every kid did that??? At 15 a stupid picture of a hollister model in jeans started a downward spiral into restricting as I was trying to shop for back to school clothes. I remember thinking, are legs not supposed to touch???? At that point I went from not liking myself to HATING myself. I went from 135-ish to 110 in about a month and a half and maintained there for a bit until my mom bullied me back up to 125. I always thought I was overweight but I technically never was until the end of high school when I was ~150?

I relapsed again about a month before I went to college, going from 155 to 130 in a month and a half again (august is a terrible month for me LOL). During this I met my boyfriend, and he had concerns but we weren't that serious where he could tell me what to do I guess? I was beginning to like how I looked, as I looked like less than 130 because I frequented the gym and maintained the muscle I built from HS sports. I started the pill and wow I ate everything and ballooned to 150 after just a month, Christmas to end of Jan and yeah ballooned even more after that.

I've had depression since I was idk, 9? It was never really terrible until this past July (2016) when I became a zombie and never could do anything. It didn't help that I was 188-195lbs... I had always told myself that if I saw 200 I would actually kill myself. But I was just way too depressed to restrict so from 2014-Dec. 2016 my ED was just kind of dormant. UNTIL in October 2016 I decided I needed to help myself for once and try an antidepressant. We picked Wellbutrin, didnt do jack, added Zoloft and suddenly in early december my depression was gone-ish and I looked in the mirror and was like holy fuck that can't be me. So...yeah, started restricting again, and am down 30-something since December 5th. I didn't weigh myself but I'm guessing 190? The most I ever saw was 197 so I count back from that on my flair though.

Anyway I didn't feel not disgusting enough to be here until recently, but I want to be at my GW by my anniversary in sept so hopefully I don't fuck everything up.

If you read this, thanks!

Edit: formatting

[Help] Calories in a homemade cupcake?
Created: Wed Feb 22 12:51:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vkxux/calories_in_a_homemade_cupcake/

[Discussion] Is anyone else trying to lose weight before a certain date or event?
Created: Wed Feb 22 12:46:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vkwk4/is_anyone_else_trying_to_lose_weight_before_a/
I'm going on a trip in July for my grandmother's 70th birthday, she is three states away from me so she hasn't seen my weight-loss progress at all. I want to be comfortable in my skin when I visit her in 5 months. I typed in my stats on losertown and if I stick to the plan I can be at my goal weight by then. I hope I can lose enough by then, anyone else have any plans?

[Discussion] Gonna try not counting calories and just eating planned things. Has anyone tried this?
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105.2 | GW 95]
Created: Wed Feb 22 12:45:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vkwgy/gonna_try_not_counting_calories_and_just_eating/
Calorie counting causes me to self sabotage. Like I'll go over by a tiny bit then feel like a failure and binge everything. Or, I'll plan out my day and then switch some things around for the same calories, but then I'll still feel guilty for going off plan (especially if I feel full) and b/p.

I get SO much anxiety over worrying how to budget my calories, how to space out the timing, etc to the point where I just get really obsessed about food. I LOVE cooking and I love food. Like I spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to maximize how much pleasure I get out of calories, obsessed with trying out diet recipes and products. In the end I just end up eating more because I'm overwhelmed by all the options.

The new method I'm going to try is writing out a very meticulous and BORING meal plan for the next two weeks and forcing myself to stick to it to a tee (stuff like, eat 8 hard boiled eggs today at these times). No substitutions, because even "safe" deviations make me anxious. That way I might start seeing food as a chore rather than a reward or a hobby. What do you guys think?

[Rant/Rave] When you binge out of anxiety...just to still be anxious but also feel extra terrible :^)
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 108lb | UGW 98lb |F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 12:12:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vkoww/when_you_binge_out_of_anxietyjust_to_still_be/
It's barely 1:00 p.m. for me and I already binged my allowed calories for today, then some, and I'll probably eat more later anyway because I'm dead inside.

I've got an appointment with my therapist this weekend after weeks of being unable to get one since she is so busy and stuff, so I'm nervous, and of course before I relized I had already fucked up today haha. As long as I stay under my TDEE i'll try to keep positive but...yeah, no I still feel like absolute shit. Sorry for the pity party, hope your day is better y'all <3

[Rant/Rave] I tried so hard and got so far......
Created: Wed Feb 22 12:11:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vkoot/i_tried_so_hard_and_got_so_far/
I am on a low carb diet to control my bulimia and had been B/P free for almost TWO MONTHS. Until Monday night, when I felt a bit bloated and was in a bad mood and somehow ended up binging on everything I could find in the house! I didn't enjoy any of the food, just stuffed it in my mouth in a binging frenzy, and it was pretty horrible all around.

I thought I could just take that B/P, learn from it and move on. Until the next day when I binged on food from the disgusting bakery across the road from my work. Some of it was actually so gross that I ended up throwing it in the bin instead of eating it, even though it was all coming straight back up anyway. Yesterday was the same deal. Bakery binge on my lunch break.

I am sick of this. I was doing fine and then suddenly it was like a switch had been flipped and all I could think about was stuffing myself until I can't move. I feel so hopeless, like I will never escape from this.

And fat. I also feel really fat.

[Discussion] anyone use chains?
/u/get-it_together [5'3" |160??| UGW 130 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 11:55:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vkl11/anyone_use_chains/
It's a web app or a phone app that allows you to make a chain for your goals so you're less likely to break it.

My current chains are for logging my food, not binging, and journaling. Just wanted to share! (You can also make private group chains where no one can see without a link, so let me know if anyone wants to start one.)

[Discussion] What healthy food do you really want to like, but just don't?
/u/DuckyShincracker [5'4 | 138.7 | 23.67 | -66.3lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 11:42:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vkhsc/what_healthy_food_do_you_really_want_to_like_but/
On mobile, please tag Discussion.

So, question in the title. For me, it's mushrooms. I want to like them and because of that, I try them every few months because tastes do change. I still don't like then though. 😂

[Rant/Rave] Lunch Room Pressure
/u/paytontanner94 [5'4 | CW 120| UGW: 112 l 25F ]
Created: Wed Feb 22 10:35:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vk26a/lunch_room_pressure/
I am a first-year teacher and I have avoided the lunch room like the plague after the first two months of teaching. I would go down and have a meal bar and I would nibble away at it to make it seem like it was taking longer than it really was. I felt stupid.

My co-workers and even my principal have said something to me about how you build relationships in the lunch room but I can't bring myself to do it. I will either eat more than I need/want to or will feel stupid after I finish eating my typical five almonds and diet pepsi.

Also, I am not even a small person, but every one here is basically huge. They all say stuff to me about my weight and I feel so embarrassed because it's really like calling me the skinniest fat kid. If I go down there I know they will just say something to me about food and I can't deal with it.

What to do?

[Thinspo] Bantic Boy is my ultimate thinspo
Created: Wed Feb 22 10:33:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vk1k4/bantic_boy_is_my_ultimate_thinspo/

[Goal] First day in over a month without purging!
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 10:20:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vjypy/first_day_in_over_a_month_without_purging/
I mean, I guess you could say that I was too busy to b/p yesterday, but I still made it one full day without even puking a little!! Not even a tiny bit!!

Haha I've been in a "vomit everyday" since December, so I'm pretty thrilled. (-:

[Discussion] anyone else really like watching recipe videos?
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | 104 | 19.0 | Ugw: 85 |19f]
Created: Wed Feb 22 10:19:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vjyiw/anyone_else_really_like_watching_recipe_videos/
I really like to bake and i really really love pastries, cookies, etc. like, a lot. They're the biggest reason I go over calorie limits because once i have one piece i go into a fucking frenzy. Whenever i feel bored i like to look up recipes so I can bake. Lately though, Whenever I'm really hungry I look up recipes and for some reason it makes me not binge? I especially like the buzzfeed desert videos where they show the whole process really fast. It's really weird but I've noticed it helps with hunger, especially when I dont have food around me.

[Discussion] DAE fantasize about the future and your ED?
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 147.2 | 22.1 | -3 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 09:56:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vjt0y/dae_fantasize_about_the_future_and_your_ed/
The title isn't the best at explaining because I feel like I can't come up with the right words at the moment. But what I mean is that sometimes I find myself thinking about my dream life and how easy it would be to maintain my ED discreetly in that dream.
My dream life is to move to Hawaii or somewhere tropical with my partner and have a nice farm. We would grow mangoes and pineapple and so many different fruits and take care of our animals. The majority of what I ate would be low calorie fruits and veggies and I could be small and beautiful like a mermaid.

Like I feel it's really fucked to think about this beautiful life with my love, and focus on the fact I could get away with having an ed be easier to hide???
Sorry if this doesn't make sense I feel like I'm just venting and rambling
I can't flair I'm on mobile sorry, probably a discussion

[Help] Is this hunger or is it a side effect? [help]
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 09:14:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vjjtx/is_this_hunger_or_is_it_a_side_effect_help/
Not sure if this is the right place for this but hopefully somebody here can help. I've been restricting pretty low lately (600-800) and I also recently switched the timing of my antidepressants to the morning. I've never taken them with food and have never had a problem. But lately mid morning I feel like I am going to vomit- like I'm so hungry I could puke if that makes sense. It doesn't matter if I eat before or not- it's still there. Yesterday I ate a sugar free pudding (60 cal and fuckin delicious = bae) and I still almost barfed. Does anyone else feel like this? I have an appointment with my therapist later today and I wanna bring it up with her but only if it's not ED related..... can't go there yet.

Blah blah obligatory no flair on mobile

[Discussion] DAE look skinnier in heels/platforms?
/u/Triptukhos [5'0" | 99.6 lbs| 19.5 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 08:58:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vjg87/dae_look_skinnier_in_heelsplatforms/

[Rant/Rave] Are you ever just convinced you've gained weight...even if you haven't?
/u/woollyshirt [17.5 BMI | Trying to Maintain | M]
Created: Wed Feb 22 07:09:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5viujs/are_you_ever_just_convinced_youve_gained/
I feel so weirdly stuck right now. My trend weight is still lower than 'normal' and the rational side of me wants to eat a little bit more right now...but I feel like I've gained weight without realising. I'm not sure how that's possible, but logic isn't really coming into play here. What is my brain doing??? How do I pay attention to logic and reason and TDEE and trusting the scale once again? I don't get what the hell is going on in my thoughts right now but I'm exhausted of dealing with it all. I just don't want to eat anymore.

[Discussion] Medical Marijuana & Bulimia
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Wed Feb 22 06:19:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vilzo/medical_marijuana_bulimia/
I brought this up in an ed recovery sub a while ago, but I think it may be more well received in this sub. It's a topic i've been pretty passionate about since getting into this industry about two years ago. I'm a medical marijuana caregiver, and I initially received my patient card for an eating disorder. The process was brutal, and the "doctor" gave me a lot of shit before finally approving me for my medical card.

I really don't like weed. Not a fan, I was a huge coke head in the day, and weed makes me feel like shit if I hit it too hard. I got my credentials so that I could grow and profit, but I figured why not experiment since i'm legally allowed to? I discovered that certain strains absolutely turn off my desire to binge eat into oblivion. I can eat my normal meal, smoke a little after i'm done, and i'm actually DONE eating & can go live my life instead of obsessing about when i'm going to eat next.

I haven't been smoking much lately, but i'm currently awaiting harvest of 7 different strains that should be ready in April, and I want to reopen my investigation once I have a sample of everything in front of me.

Has anybody noticed similar effects? This is mostly geared towards bulimics & binge eaters. Bulimia is not on the list of ailments treatable via medical marijuana, but I really want to change that. I guess my goal this spring is to start a blog about it, jotting down what I ate, and what I smoked afterwards & how I feel. If I can help others suffering with binge eating and bulimia, it would mean the whole world to me, but I have no idea how to raise awareness to this particular issue, or if it only has this particular effect on me and nobody else.

Any personal experiences or insight would be greatly appreciated.

[Rant/Rave] Spring break is coming up...
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 05:48:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vigzw/spring_break_is_coming_up/
So in just a few weeks it will be spring break. Not going anywhere super fun, but I am going to stay with my boyfriend's family for a few days. That always makes me nervous because they eat A LOT of food! And somehow they never gain weight. His sister is 17 and she's about 5'1 and under 100 pounds (body goals!!!!) But she eats everything. And they like to make me eat too. They'll go to fast food and say "do you want anything? Of course you do I'll get you this meal." It sucks cause I feel obligated to eat it since they buy it.

And then the week after spring break is my birthday, and people always want to buy me food. I tried to explain to my boyfriend that he doesn't need to do that and his response was "but I love you and I want to get you a cake. You love cake." An entire cake! Who's gonna eat that?

Any tips for making it through that hell week?

[Rant/Rave] Back on track with ABC!
/u/DeusOff [5'7.5" | 118.8lb | 18.3 | -4lb | GW: 90lb | 19NB]
Created: Wed Feb 22 05:14:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vic0r/back_on_track_with_abc/

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday February 22, 2017
Created: Wed Feb 22 05:12:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vibrl/way_to_go_wednesday_february_22_2017/

This is the weekly achievement thread for February 22, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 22, 2017
Created: Wed Feb 22 05:12:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vibqz/daily_food_diary_february_22_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for February 22, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Discussion] [Discussion] yoga vs TLS weights
Created: Wed Feb 22 04:35:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vi6sf/discussion_yoga_vs_tls_weights/

[Tip] retelling my suggestion from a year ago ----
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 03:50:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vi1ai/retelling_my_suggestion_from_a_year_ago/
BARIATRIC VITAMINS! also bariatric anything -...

for those of you who do not know what bariatric is - it is for people who are losing weight and more specifically for people who have gone through a weight loss surgery, such as gastric-bypass.

i buy a ton of these snacks because they are filling and very little calories/carbs/etc. the vitamins target what we want.

searching 'bariatric' is a great way to find food that is great for calorie restriction.

love to you all... <3 :)

[Rant/Rave] My ED makes me a horrible person and it's starting to piss me off
/u/italkiesomuch [5'7 | CW 137 | GW 115 | -48lbs| Whale Noises]
Created: Wed Feb 22 02:33:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vhs0h/my_ed_makes_me_a_horrible_person_and_its_starting/
Hello lovelies - don't mind me, just ranting. Here goes nothing....

...I was so happy to finally meet a friend who is also a girl who is super chill. I seriously love her, but there's one problem - she's tiny. Like, everything I want to be, makes me look like a shaved gorilla when I'm next to her kinda tiny. This is really an issue for me because in my head I am constantly comparing myself to her. We get coffees and she doesn't finish any of her drinks, which therefore makes me feel like a fat fuck for finishing my own drink. She's half the size and weight of her boyfriend soaking wet, I'm 10lbs heavier and 4 inches shorter than my boyfriend...

...fuck my ED brain, I just want to enjoy my new friendship but I don't feel like I can until I'm skinny, which knowing me will never happen permanently because my eating habits are so fucked that I just yo-yo like crazy (like 30-50lbs gain/loss crazy).

Then again maybe this will be my ultimate motivator. I mean I certainly don't hate her or treat her differently because of it, it just makes me hate myself is all. Maybe a little self hate is needed to keep me on track. I've gotten lazy with things anyways about my eating habits while living with my bf because he needs to gain weight and relies partially on me cooking to help him with that. Point still stands though, I really wish I didn't have these conversations in my head in the first place.

On the same topic of my ED brain making me a horrible person, I have a serious hate for obese people which is laughable considering how fat I tend to be every 3 months. My landlord is huuuuge and seeing her is more thinspo for me than actual thinspo tbh, which makes me feel like a raging cunt. Now I'm never nasty to people in the real life, but why the hell am I so judgmental in my head?! Why the hell do I care so much?!


[Rant/Rave] Hello again.
/u/sewnp [5'6"/h8 myself/NB/UGW:90]
Created: Wed Feb 22 01:31:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vhkwk/hello_again/
I've been on and off inactive from this sub. Always, such as my life, but I find myself gravitating towards it when I feel huge. Like so huge that I make jokes about how I'd starve slower than other thinner people and would survive. In the back of my head though, I always think 'I'd rather be at my UGW already and starve sooner'

So hi! I like posting in here for thoughts and such. And talking to everyone when I feel up to it. It also keeps me focused which is cool.

Freaking out because my spring break is in a month!??!
/u/chocolatecoveredpugs [5'4| 118| 20.6 | -22lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 00:07:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vhaqt/freaking_out_because_my_spring_break_is_in_a_month/

[Rant/Rave] Our lab blood pressure cuffs were too big for my arms.
Created: Tue Feb 21 23:03:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vh1ru/our_lab_blood_pressure_cuffs_were_too_big_for_my/
I know it's just because they're all old and worn out and because my partners were inexperienced but today in my anatomy lab no one could get my bp cause my arms were too small for the cuffs and I was so happy. I've been maintaining since November and I'm so not happy with it so this was def a confidence boost that I wanted to share.
✨❤ you guys

grape diet
/u/princess_rat [5'5 | 108 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 22:24:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vgvw3/grape_diet/

[Discussion] DAE deny themselves food because they feel like they like it too much?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 21:48:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vgq33/dae_deny_themselves_food_because_they_feel_like/
I do this with fruit. It's good for me and it's SO sweet and yummy. I feel like I was enjoying myself too much, so I stopped eating fruit completely. Now it's a huge fear food. Has anyone done anything like this?

[Help] I'm lost. Please help.
Created: Tue Feb 21 21:01:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vgi67/im_lost_please_help/
Background: i have got myself an appointment for an ED clinic this upcoming tuesday. I'm bulimic. I decided i couldnt take it anymore. I am in high school. I dont know my super-current weight, but a few days ago i was 117 and i'm 5'7" (pre-binging lots).
Here's something i typed up in desperation. Please help if you have the energy to read this and relate to what i am feeling.

I feel really really really really not sick enough to recover. I feel that when i get in there and am evaluated, they will think "this stupid bitch just loses control sometimes. She doesnt need any help. Just a fucking meal plan or something." And i think about why i did this and it's because i got so fed up (hah) with myself and not being able to live my life without spending most of my waking hours in this state of anything but what life is supposed to be. I did it because i couldn't move anywhere without helping to remove this from my life.

Ive expressed a million times that this is ALL that i feel i have. I am nothing without it. But it's killing me and i'd rather die than live knowing it would never go away.

And i feel that i don't deserve help one bit. I don't. I know i don't. I am one hundred percent physically fine. I am sure my vitals are all there. I eat sufficiently every day. If i go there, there is no doubt that i will quantitatively be the least sick person there. So theres no reason. I am a fucking failure. I fail at living normally, and i fail at dying. I am disgusting in my own eyes and i'm not successfully sick according to a doctor. I'm not the epitome of the tragic anorexic who doesnt eat and is dainty and light and small and fragile. I'm just a cry baby who cant deal with herself. There is no way anyone could possibly take something this pathetic seriously at all.

Bulimia is the lesser diagnosis, the one that means you werent strong enough to lose enough weight. You actually /sought/ help rather than dropping weight and everyone else worrying. You are pathetic and you just wanted attention. You asked for help because no one could see that you were dying. You wanted to suffer, but you couldnt, because every day you gave up on suffering and suffered in a different, less admirable way.

And that makes me less deserving. Because my intake is similar to that of a normal person minus throwing up. Because i am in no way disappearing like i could have been.

And i hate myself. I am having a bad night. I am not okay with being alive right now. I want out of my body. I hate it so much. I want it to suffer and die and be hurt and be in pain. I want it to go through everything it's been through a hundred times over. I want to separate myself from it, saying "this is not mine; this is not me" until it wastes away to nothing and i can wear it again. Then i can say "this is me. I am nothing. There is nothing here because i am worth nothing and i mean nothing." Because that's what i truly believe, and no one can refute it. I dont need anyone to tell me the reasons i am wrong because i am not. I know what i am and that is nothing.

[Rant/Rave] Please tell me not to binge
/u/Laricia [5'4" | 104 | -6 | GW 97 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 20:31:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vgcnp/please_tell_me_not_to_binge/
I just got back from a two day trip on the road and… y'all know it, the mystifying 2lb gain. I had a grand total of two cups of water the entire time to avoid having to pee and had a mostly crackers for sustenance but made sure to keep at my TDEE. Even if I did underestimate, there's no way in hell I gained that much in fat?? In fact I shouldn't have gained at all?!

Now that I'm done crying I'm more appalled than anything. This can't be real. I feel so physically bad, I've cancelled on a school project meeting but have a coffee date later in the evening with a friend I'm meeting in person for the first time. Really what IS it that compels this messed up brain of mine to think that raiding the kitchen and eating like a whale is an appropriate response to feeling… like… a whale… oh. 😭

How do I avoid binging.
Created: Tue Feb 21 20:02:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vg7bt/how_do_i_avoid_binging/

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] "Why are you licking the marinara sauce out of the bowl?"
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 19:59:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vg6v0/why_are_you_licking_the_marinara_sauce_out_of_the/

[Rant/Rave] Went to a mental health support group today, and I plan to use their CBT strats to continue to restrict
Created: Tue Feb 21 19:16:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vfyty/went_to_a_mental_health_support_group_today_and_i/

[Rant/Rave] just bought clothes online in a size smaller than i usually would!!
/u/fruitygrimes [5'5 | CW 123 | BMI 20.47 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 19:06:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vfww3/just_bought_clothes_online_in_a_size_smaller_than/
i should probably wait til it gets here to start celebrating but i haven't even thought about fitting into a uk size 8 since i was like 13 i can't help it
and i don't think im in over my head either bc i asked my mom would it be stupid of me to get that size and she said "no, not at all, a size 10 would be too big on you at this point, you've been shrinking lately :')
i'm just very happy. if this top doesn't fit though when it arrives expect a 6 part rant from me posted here in the next few days LMAO

[Other] Drank half a bottle of Phillips
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 18:59:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vfvk1/drank_half_a_bottle_of_phillips/
Couldn't poop, drank a shit load of Phillips, haven't stopped pooping since yesterday.

Feeling pretty good about my life

(Rant) work out buddy weirdness
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 17:41:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vfge0/rant_work_out_buddy_weirdness/
So I've been working out with my boyfriends little sister (I'm 21 she's 17) and it's been fine for the most part. She enjoys weights more than cardio so I do cardio on my own Monday/Friday and then weights with her.

This has been going on for about 3 weeks now. Well anyways she has been constantly saying oh do 15 lbs not 30 you probably can't handle 30 anyways and it's not that I want to lift heavy like I don't even care but the implication is kinda like excuse me... And she always jokes how weak I am but it's like actually I have a giant irrational fear that somehow lifting will make me fat so seeing 50 lbs makes me physically ill so fuck you (but we all know we don't actually say that) and well recently talked about how she can see a huge difference like the pump vein and all this stuff. And I guess she is bigger than me 5'5 and 190. But like no matter what I don't see anything.

Her mom (my boyfriends mom too) also talked about how much flatter her tummy and my stomach looked because of it and it's just like ????? I think you're seeing things.

What kinda bums me out is that she's so positive about seeing it and I'm afraid that I'll never see it and be never be happy but that's an issue for another day 😅

[Rant/Rave] Unnecessary binge
/u/wrygood [6'2" | 185lbs | M]
Created: Tue Feb 21 17:26:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vfdnz/unnecessary_binge/
I just...started eating. It wasn't fueled by anxiety or any other emotional turmoil--I just *started eating* and I don't have a goddamn clue as to why.

I've got to keep it together. Tomorrow is a new day, and I can recover some of these calories. Disaster has not arrived quite yet; we'll snatch net loss from the jaws of net gain.

[It's exhausting, though]

[Help] Birth control and weight gain?
/u/salamanderqueen [5'9.5"| CW: 135.6 | SW: 180 | GW: 125 | -44 | 19f]
Created: Tue Feb 21 16:51:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vf69n/birth_control_and_weight_gain/
Hi everyone, I'm looking to go on birth control but I'm seriously concerned about gaining weight because of the hormones. What do you guys use, or what has worked in the past? I'm open to anything; pills, the shot, an implant, whatever. Just really don't want to get pregnant and really don't want to gain weight haha.

edit: I'm also really looking to reduce/eliminate my period, it's been super heavy and painful for years now.

[Discussion] Alcohol suggestions plus fasting
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW110 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 16:38:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vf3f6/alcohol_suggestions_plus_fasting/
I was wondering if anyone had any good recommendations for low calorie ciders or wines? I know that hard liquor is the best in terms of low calories but I usually skip meals when I plan on drinking. That way I get drunk on less and can afford to budget a few more calories. I know wine tends to very often be around ~130 a glass (?) but ciders tend to vary a considerable amount which is rather frustrating (but at least they come pre-measured!).

Also, has anyone had experience with fasting during the day and then drinking? Usually I have a coffee in the morning and then eat around ~150cal of actual food before drinking, but I would rather cut that out seeing as it is practically a whole extra drink. (This is where I should probably say hey I'm not an alcoholic, but is that even believable at this point lol?)

Created: Tue Feb 21 16:16:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5veywo/woohoo/

What are some great breakfasts that can fit into a 600 cal a day plan?
Created: Tue Feb 21 15:15:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vem0z/what_are_some_great_breakfasts_that_can_fit_into/
No dairy 🙋🏼

Any experience with prednisone?
Created: Tue Feb 21 14:50:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vegcv/any_experience_with_prednisone/
I've injured my back and can't really walk right now. In addition to physical therapy and pain meds I've been given prednisone to help. Problem being, weight gain is associated with taking this. I've already gained 7#s from this and I'm freaking the fuck out over it, I can't gain more. Unfortunately the pain meds make me so lethargic and goofy I eat whatever my SO puts in front of me. He eats poorly and I've had quite a bit of junk in the time since I got hurt. Had a major wake up call being weighed at the physical therapists a few days ago and have been restricting to 800 calories a day since then but as I'm mostly unable to even walk rn Idk if that's low enough.

TL;DR: Has anyone take prednisone and experienced weight gain or managed to avoid it? Any tips of not eating like a cow when I'm on the stupid meds?

On mobile can't flair! Would guess this is either a rant or a question.

[Intro] Re-re-introduction
/u/Mi__ra [165cm |53 kg | 19,7 | 0 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 14:40:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vee7p/rereintroduction/
Hi all,

this is probably the third time I'm back here. I see some familiar users, but mostly not, so I thought I'd introduce myself again.

I'm 30, I have had an ED for about 10 years. Nowadays I'm bulimic, the kind of bulimic that eats a huge amount of food and throws it up. And I mean huge. People don't go "oh that's not so bad" but they are "I don't believe you. No-one can eat that amount of food". (I'm talking about my *treatment team*, for fuck's sake).

So, well, anyway. My goal right now is to lose some weight, but not so much that all my family and treatment team will freak out. Like about 5 kg/10 lbs.

This community seems to be as nice and welcoming as it was the last time I left it, so I'm kind of happy to be back. You are all awesome.

[Rant/Rave] well, im screwed.
/u/moggettt [5'5 | 108 | 18.0 | NB]
Created: Tue Feb 21 13:46:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ve20t/well_im_screwed/
saw my dietitian yesterday. she weighed me and informed me that when i see the doctor on thursday, the doctor is almost certainly going to want to readmit me to a higher level of care because i've dropped an "alarming" amount of weight since i was discharged from inpatient.

i just got out of inpatient three weeks ago. i know it was stupid to restrict this much when i have to be accountable to a dietitian but i wasn't willing to compromise my goals. now i might get sent back to inpatient/rtc or, at BEST, php. all i want to do is be out of treatment altogether except for my outpatient therapist.

obviously they can't MAKE me do anything since i'm not on a commitment or anything, but noncompliance would potentially screw up my access to my therapist there and my dbt group, which i love.

so that's great. i made it a grand total of three weeks in the real world and now it might get taken away again.

the worst part is all this means i can't even feel happy about the 7 lbs i lost.

anyway, rant over. i'm just super stressed and annoyed.

[Help] How to stop night B/P?
/u/cavernousdeer [5'2" | 102 | 18.3 | UGW: 88 ]
Created: Tue Feb 21 13:46:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ve1xc/how_to_stop_night_bp/
I'm so tired of this. I can restrict all day, but then 7 or 8pm rolls around and I'm stuffing my face with everything I can find and purging it all. I feel disgusting, like I have no self control, and I constantly feel dizzy and tired. How do I stop this from happening??

[Other] looked at pictures from my low weight for thinspo and now I'm sad
/u/pungentthrowaway [5'1.5" large and in charge (of nothing)]
Created: Tue Feb 21 12:48:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vdok3/looked_at_pictures_from_my_low_weight_for_thinspo/
I haven't weighed myself in a while because last time I did it was my highest weight ever and then I binged for several days on valentines day chocolate. I couldn't bring myself to look down and see a higher number than 167. I'm obese. I used to be cute but I'm not anymore.

I finally have gotten back into successful restriction (thank you whole 30 diet) and am having hopeful thoughts about being thin again. So I went to look at old pictures to see how much better I looked and what I have to look forward to. Honestly I was never really thin. My low weight was 119 or so at 5'1, but I was proud of it. I went and looked at the pictures and they look too fat to me now??? I didn't feel fat then. I felt great. I didn't have a really fully developed ED and definitely not as much self hatred as I have now and I felt thin. Now I look at those pictures and am like "wow I didn't even have a defined jaw line" "my arms were still pretty pudgy" etc.

I'll lose 50 lbs and still be too fat. I always thought I could get back down to around that weight and feel as good about myself again as I did then, but things have clearly progressed in a bad way. I don't know what to think. I don't know what I'm even striving for anymore. I never thought I was one of those people who was going to chase a constantly lower goal weight and now I'm afraid I might be. My legs have never even not brushed against each other when I walk and now I feel like I need that. I just don't know what happened.

[Rant/Rave] Rant? A post just reminded me that I have a crippling fear of oatmeal and feel so silly.
Created: Tue Feb 21 12:19:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vdhqc/rant_a_post_just_reminded_me_that_i_have_a/

[Discussion] (Almost) Ready for Sustainable Restriction
/u/TarotWoman88 [5'8''| BMI 26.6 | -115 |F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 12:10:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vdfos/almost_ready_for_sustainable_restriction/
I'm getting really close to making myself shift to higher-calorie restriction that's sustainable and break this negative, long-term fasting-refeed/binge cycle. I've got a date in mind (3/9). I've got a silly plan, too--we're taking a mini vacation to stay at a little house on the beach, and I'll be armed with containers of pre-packed, pre-weighed, pre-logged foods and lots of sliced celery and broth cubes.

Does anyone have any advice or experience about making this shift successfully? Or how to manage concepts like the temporary spike in appetite increase (aside from lots of high-volume, low-calorie foods like celery and broth)?

For those of you who've successfully shifted to higher-calorie restriction, how did you pick your number? (I'm thinking 800-1200?)

[Thinspo] X-post from r/ArianaGrande
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 11:42:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vd990/xpost_from_rarianagrande/

[Rant/Rave] Everything has gone wrong today: routine out the window and I'm just trying to hold on to something
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 145lbs | BMI 21.47 |- 19lbs | GW 130lbs | 24F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 11:31:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vd6qa/everything_has_gone_wrong_today_routine_out_the/
On mobile so can't flair :(

Firstly, I forgot my water bottle and so ran 5k as a jelly mess at the gym.

Then at work a colleague (different department) had a go at me about not doing my job correctly - even though I knew I was - the fact that she had a go at me really made me feel sick inside.

I took 2 hours out of work for "lunch" to wait for a delivery at my house. He didn't turn up. Because obviously. I think he just skipped my flat because he was in a rush. However, I need to make that 2 hours back up at work. So I'm super stressed about that.

I forgot my fitbit at home and so haven't been able to log my steps and calories effectively.

All of these things had already made me feel useless and I was just holding out on my boyfriend to come over and make me feel better.

I finish work, text him and no response. He's fallen asleep.

I literally feel like I only have control over one thing in my life and I'm so terrified of binging that I'm just frantically deep cleaning the house because I need some sort of control.

I'm Asperger's so this kind of thing is really really huge for me.

I refuse to go over 1000kcal and all I can do is cry and clean and feel like the most useless, ugly person in the world who doesn't deserve anything.

Sorry for the venting - I am on the edge.

[Rant/Rave] I can't tell if my SO is supportive, enabling or a jerk?
/u/amberinthewoods [5'2.5" | 120.4 | 22.36 | -50 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 10:34:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vctrv/i_cant_tell_if_my_so_is_supportive_enabling_or_a/
We've been together some years, and he knows my past with my ED. However, he is like a fitness FIEND. Works at a gym, has the metabolism of a gazelle, has pecs the size of my FACE... and he, without any reservations or shame, despises fat people. Can't stand them. When we got together I was about 30 lbs heavier, and I've lost that weight steadily. Lately, I've tightened my restriction (to avoid purging at all costs), and have been completely open about it. He knows I won't go over 800 cals a day, knows what I eat and how much, and is supportive to the point where I can't actually tell if he's genuinely trying to encourage me to just get skinny no matter the cost. He's constantly asking "will that put you over on calories?" and "are you sure you won't regret eating that?" He constantly pushes me to go to the gym, to work out, to run. Always says "well this is really working for you, better not mess with it." True, he's also the first to point out if I've lost weight, and is my biggest supporter when the scale says a smaller number each morning, but I guess I'm just having a hard time coming to terms with an external force telling me and encouraging behavior that I tell and encourage in myself.

I'm really sorry that I just went on with a million run on sentences there. I just don't actually have anyone other than you guys to bring this to.

edit: 2/22/2017 - Man, you guys just served up so much truth. It was brutal. But that's probably why it was necessary. You're unfailingly kind and insightful. Thank you.

[Rant/Rave] My friend's losing weight and pushing food on me!
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -52lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Tue Feb 21 10:33:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vctm0/my_friends_losing_weight_and_pushing_food_on_me/
My friend got weight loss surgery last year and has really committed to the process. She's already down like 100lbs and I couldn't be happier for her. HOWEVER, lately she's been like, pushing food on me whenever we go out. She can literally only have a bite or two (and is very vocal about that fact), so she'll give me the rest of her food, even when I tell her I'm not hungry. Or while we're ordering she'll ask me to order something gross off the menu that we can share, so that she can take a bite or two of it - which leaves me stuck with the rest. The other day I had a bad food night and she kept pressuring me to explain all the details of what I binged on. I don't want to re-live that! She knows I have these food issues but when we go out she encourages me to indulge. Get the dessert, have another drink, etc.

I know she isn't responsible for what i put in my body, but this is making me crazy. I feel like she's using me to make herself feel superior. She says little things here and there that make it sound like she's so much smaller than me (we are within 6lbs of each other) and also, if you didn't get weight loss surgery, you're doomed to be fat forever. She has convinced at least 4 other girls to get the surgery at her job. I don't know if I'm being hyper sensitive or whatever, but I just seethe with anger at that. I couldn't possibly qualify for that surgery, and I've been fighting tooth and nail for half my life to get where I got. How dare she look down at me as though my hard work isn't going to last?? How could she act like the surgery is the only cure??

I mean obviously her weight loss has already triggered a whole mess of disorder issues for me, but it feels like she's actively trying to disrupt my progress. It's making me restrict even more. I feel like I can't shut her up until I'm so thin that there's no way she can convince herself that she's smaller than me.

Thanks for letting me ramble that out.

**TL;DR: My friend got surgery, is pushing me to eat and acting like I'm going to ruin my own weight loss any day now**

[Help] Time to stop this disorder
Created: Tue Feb 21 10:29:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vcspp/time_to_stop_this_disorder/

[Discussion] Having A Fat Face (rant/discussion)
/u/litlelou [5'5" | CW:110? | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 10:14:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vcpa0/having_a_fat_face_rantdiscussion/
So for the past while my face has been my obsession. I'm relatively thin (though not thin enough by my standards) but I feel like my face is just so fat. I feel like my jawline is just soft and disappears into my neck. And I hate not having super sunken in cheeks though I feel as if though I used to.

I've always been told I look young for my age which ive always liked even though I figure it must in some part come from having a more round face. I may also be more sensitive to the matter because my mom is overweight and I fear being like her. And lastly I think its been heightened these past few days because two candid pics of me were posted on social media that I really don't like my face in. I just wonder how much of it might come from water retention as I work out every day (not ideal I know), probably don't drink enoygh water, drink a ton of coffee, and have noticed my lymph nodes have been swollen routinely as of late.

Anyone else deal with these kinds of thoughts about their face specifically?

[Help] I need to lose a ton in the next week for a formal ball. But EC stacking is making me throw up (maybe it feels like my stomach is too acidy?). Help?
/u/frustratedwithfat [F | 5'7" | SW 160, CW 143, GW 123, UGW 113]
Created: Tue Feb 21 09:53:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vcko1/i_need_to_lose_a_ton_in_the_next_week_for_a/
Like the title says, I basically need to drop 10lbs by Saturday (I'm ashamed to say that now I'm 10lbs bigger than my flair right now...). This is probably impossible but I could live with less. Even a few pounds tends to produce a visual change.

I always have a positive experience with EC stacking but the last few days, I've been doing it and then my stomach feels acidy and then I throw up. I have no idea what to do.


Gosh I feel like such a fat piece of shit right now; I just want to see some improvement by Saturday and not completely hate myself when I put on a dress.

[Discussion] An idea that I have to prevent bingeing that may work
Created: Tue Feb 21 09:38:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vchgy/an_idea_that_i_have_to_prevent_bingeing_that_may/
Ok so I unfortunately deal with binge eating. Yes, I know it comes from trying to restrict too much and it's a survival instinct. I also know that it comes from a break in my self control. My lack of self control and this basic human survival instinct come together to make me binge. Obviously, I can't do anything about the survival aspect of this. But I can try to work around it and increase my self-control. My idea is this: I understand that a binge is inevitable. However, what I can try to do is to delay it for as long as possible. If I feel the urge to binge, I'll just tell myself that I can binge later. Previously, I would always try to never binge again. Obviously this fails. I think that with this new mindset I'll be able to decrease the frequency or caloric quantity of my binges. Also, I should come up with a specific plan for how I deal after a binge. Right now, I shift back and forth from laxatives to exercise to fasting to eating at maintenance. I haven't tried this yet so I'm not sure how effective this will be. Just thought I'd share it with this community to hear other people's thoughts.

[Rant/Rave] I meant to save my birthday money for my autumn break away with my SO. Realised today I've spent the bulk of it on weightloss 'aids'.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [28/F | SW: 105kg | CW: 51kg | GW 1: 45kg ( UGW: 39.9kg )]
Created: Tue Feb 21 09:21:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vcdr0/i_meant_to_save_my_birthday_money_for_my_autumn/
I've just been so desperate.

Various XLS Medical tablets were the bulk of the cost.. appetite suppressants, carb blockers, fat blockers. At least they actually work somewhat, I suppose.

Indigestion tablets as I heard they calm a grumbling stomach - various types, now.

Tea-type gentle laxatives for water weight (couldn't bring myself to buy actual laxatives, probably a good thing).

Fibre supplements.

Then stocking up on personal things that I find help me. Chewing gum. Sugar free hard sweets of many various types and textures. Low calorie snack packs of hard roast chickpeas that I know fill me up but cost the damn world, for emergencies.

I realised today when I saw a store selling 'Tums'. I didn't know they sold them here in the UK, previously I bought a brand common here. I wanted to try Tums, in my mind they might work better, as Tums were the brand mentioned when I read on a dieting website (NOT pro-ED website) about them calming your hunger when trying to lose weight. That's bullshit because they are just indigestion tablets, just like the ones I previously bought... *but what if they DO work better? Can I risk NOT buying these right now? How badly do you want to lose this fat, Smokes?*

I had been picking at the savings bank account with my birthday money in for a couple of weeks.. '*Just this thing. Just this thing. Just this to help me along*'. I justified the huge cost of the XLS tablets as '*these will be the ONLY things I need!*' - of course, it didn't work out that way. I went there to withdraw some money to buy the Tums - they were only £3.50 - and checked my balance. I only had £15 withdrawable left, from over £100... I'm NOT a rich person. £100 was loads for me. I really wanted to save it for the one short break away per year that my SO and I can afford...

But of course, I bought the Tums anyway. Only £3.50, right? Getting the thigh gap back will be worth it, right? *Right?*.

God fucking dammit.

[Intro] Genuinely can't get rid of this anxiety
/u/olivia093 [5'1 | 155 | 29 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 08:48:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vc6m3/genuinely_cant_get_rid_of_this_anxiety/
I'm in graduate school and the anxiety is never ending. This has lead to restricting, binging, and purging cycles. Oh, and also binge drinking. Managed to lose 20 lbs, but then gained it back and then an additional 20 lbs :') I feel like a failure.

So not only am I doing a pretty terrible job in my program, I also cannot function in my life at this weight. I go through stages where restricting makes my anxiety much better (only when I'm losing an an already 'low' weight) because I feel like I accomplished something. When I'm at a higher weight, I just binge incessantly. Wish I knew why...

I'm sorry if this post is rambling on. I just wanted to say hello because I'm new and also that I feel like everything is falling to pieces haha.

[Discussion] Which subreddits/online communities do you frequent asides from this one?
Created: Tue Feb 21 08:41:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vc50q/which_subredditsonline_communities_do_you/
Can't flair, because mobile. Title is p self explanatory. There's not much traffic on this sub and I'm looking for more things to look at/go on

[Discussion] How far in advance do you plan your food intake?
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 08:40:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vc4tv/how_far_in_advance_do_you_plan_your_food_intake/
I was just planning out my food for a while and I'm wondering if others are as meticulous as I am. I use MFP (I've never had any issues and I've been using for over a year) to track my calories and my food intake, etc. But I like to plan out what I'm going to eat for up to like two weeks in advance. And I plan down to the calorie. Like one day I'll have this coffee, the next day I'll have three almonds.

Anyway, I had planned to have some ramen later this week because I'm a broke college kid and I haven't had it in a while. One package of ramen usually gives me two meals so when I get a big box it lasts me a long time. But this morning I got up and went to the kitchen and noticed that over the last week, my new roommate (who completely ignores the existence of me and my other roommate) had eaten MY ENTIRE BOX OF RAMEN. Like now I'm pissed cause she is so disrespectful and also because I have to rethink what I'm going to eat because I don't want to go back to the store.

I didn't plan for this to be that long tbh.
TLDR I like planning ahead and get upset when it backfires.

[Help] whats your favorite overnight oats recipe?
/u/moggettt [5'5 | 108 | 18.0 | NB]
Created: Tue Feb 21 08:22:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vc1as/whats_your_favorite_overnight_oats_recipe/
repost bc I wrote instant instead of overnight before

anyway I just started making overnight oats (im late to the party) and im looking for ideas to experiment with to make my breakfast a) tasty and b) lower cal. how do you make yours?

[Discussion] DAE feel weird bringing up weight issues with an overweight therapist?
/u/douglassfirpotato [5'5" | CW 163.4 | GW 115| 25F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 08:17:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vc0fg/dae_feel_weird_bringing_up_weight_issues_with_an/
On mobile and can't flair- sorry! I'm not even sure what I would classify this as. Rant? Help? Not sure.

What I mean by this is- I haven't even mentioned weight or trying to lose weight to my therapist because she is overweight and I don't want her to think just because I want to lose weight and I'm not happy with my body that I'm judging her in anyway. I don't know if that makes since, but it's a huge personal issue that I can't bring up with her because of this. Also, what if she just doesn't understand or relate to my weight issues because maybe weight isn't an issue for her? Obviously, she is a professional and has an education on a variety of issues, doesn't mean she has to personally relate to them in order to help. I get that. I always worry that just because I'm hard on myself because of my weight gain and wanting to do something about it makes me come across as me thinking that having extra weight is the worst thing ever. It is for me, but I don't project that on anyone else.

Sorry for the long text, but does anyone else relate?

[Discussion] If you think you're fat, I must be huge
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 08:02:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vbxgj/if_you_think_youre_fat_i_must_be_huge/
I *hate* hearing this. How you feel about your body doesn't affect how I feel about mine, sorry. I'm depressed, but I wouldn't tell someone who's feeling sad that their feelings are invalid just because mine are so much worse.. you know?

[Help] whats your favorite instant oats recipe?
Created: Tue Feb 21 07:58:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vbwmg/whats_your_favorite_instant_oats_recipe/

[Intro] An introductory/early morning thoughts
Created: Tue Feb 21 07:56:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vbwf0/an_introductoryearly_morning_thoughts/
Can't flair because mobile but I suppose this could be classified as a rant. I've been checking up on this sub pretty regularly from a main account and finally decided to create a sub account to be able to post and introduce myself to you guys.

I guess I'm just feeling a bit down and this community has always been so supportive from what I've observed so here I go.

I've always struggled with my relationship with food. Growing up, I mostly maintained healthy weights and played sports regularly. In middle school I discovered binge/emotional eating due to external influences (my mother, a best friend). When I was in high school, my father committed suicide, and my weight ballooned due to developing some pretty unhealthy habits and coping methods (purging/drug use). Despite this, I refused to acknowledge that I was overweight. About two years ago, I was living on my own with a boyfriend, when my grandfather also committed suicide. This plunged me into a severe depression which resulted in me losing about 50 pounds (putting me in the "underweight" zone finally) mostly within the span of 3 months. Once I lost that weight, everything changed. People treated me differently. I gained more friends and was generally viewed as attractive by the men in my life. I ended up cheating on my boyfriend (I admitted this immediately to him and we had already sort of mutually decided that things weren't working out) and moved back to my hometown in order to be with the guy that I cheated on my boyfriend with (I've known this guy for 6 years now and there's always been romantic tension; at this point, I consider him one of my closest and longest friends). Essentially, he expressed that he had felt more comfortable pursuing a legitimate relationship with me now that I was skinny and desirable. A lot happened over the span of a year being off and on with this guy and I ended up gaining almost all of the weight back due to low self esteem and resorting back to emotional binge eating. We cut contact with each other for a while and I made a lot of life changes and kind of rekindled my own relationship with myself and made soooooo much progress in that time apart from him, via learning how to be alone and relearning how to have healthy relationships with food and my body etc. I'm doing really well in life right now and have lost about 25 pounds, leaving me 10 away from where I was at my lowest weight. I have two full time jobs, and spend almost all of my free time studying coding/programming and computer science. I traveled Northern Europe a couple of months ago and have a trip planned to Cuba in April, and Alaska in June/July. I am, in my own eyes, successful and productive.

But within the last month or so, my drug use has skyrocketed (opiates, Xanax, coke, adderall, modafinil) and I have been getting better and better at maintaining fasts for longer amounts of time/not binging/being strict with calorie counting. The guy mentioned above and I have became close friends again, seeing each other very often. But because of all that has happened between us, he is a huge trigger to me. When I'm with him, I do not eat, unless we're super fucked up, which I try to avoid for obvious reasons.

I guess to summarize this, I'm feeling very scared right now. Scared that my drug use will spiral. Scared that this weight loss stint will develop into something much worse and permanent than ever before. Even though I want to be the girl that people love again. I'm scared that I'm falling back into codependent behavior with this guy and that I am losing all of my friends. I'm scared that I'll forget everything I've learned and not be able to deal with being alone anymore. I can't tell if I love him and the maybe 2 other friends I have because they're all I have and I am desperate for companionship, or if my feelings are real. I guess I just feel overwhelmed. I guess we'll see.

[Rant/Rave] I'm finally training myself to leave food behind.
/u/exmorbidly [5'7 | 176lbs | -104lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 07:49:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vbuy7/im_finally_training_myself_to_leave_food_behind/
One of my biggest issues is I have an insane urge to eat all food that's in front of me. Like cleaning my plate to the point of licking it clean. Pot lucks are my literal hell. I feel immense guilt anytime food is wasted or thrown away.

So I made a new rule for myself to re train my mind. For every meal I eat, I HAVE to leave at least 3 bites on the plate. And then I have to throw it away. So far it's been working well! I went to lunch with coworkers and left almost a half plate of fries and half my sandwich. It wasn't really enough to box up and take home, so I let the waitress take the plate and throw it away. It was actually pretty liberating because of how hard it was for me to watch that happen. I'm hoping the more I do it, the more comfortable I'll be with not eating everything in sight. I need to bring food down from its freaking pedestal.

But weirdly I have no problem with chewing and spitting, lol. I guess my brain feels like it's not wasted if I get to enjoy it? I'm so weird. Anyway, hurray!

[Other] Weights/TLS: Not sure if worth it.
/u/cayndc [5'7" |SW 132/ CW 120 | 18.7| -12 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 06:17:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vbf6j/weightstls_not_sure_if_worth_it/
I'm having an emotional crisis over this... I can't run, so I thought I would start lifting and eating at a caloric deficit (see my last post).

Every measurement has gone up 1/4 inch. It's been three days. I'm having an emotional breakdown already. I hear that water retention is normal and goes away, but is it worth the mental torture?

[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A February 21, 2017
Created: Tue Feb 21 05:12:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vb5g8/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_february_21_2017/

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 21, 2017
Created: Tue Feb 21 05:12:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vb5fm/daily_food_diary_february_21_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for February 21, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

I thought you guys might appreciate this as much as I do
/u/ameliasophia [5'4 | 108 |GW: 92| 19.9 | -19 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 04:02:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vax14/i_thought_you_guys_might_appreciate_this_as_much/

[Rant/Rave] Chewing + spitting is the only thing that helps me not binge after a fast but it's so hard.
Created: Tue Feb 21 02:55:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vapkz/chewing_spitting_is_the_only_thing_that_helps_me/
The only thing I've eaten since Thursday is one beef rib. I'm at the point now that I feel like I want to binge and I'm trying SO HARD not to. I've been chewing and spitting little bits at a time and it's the only thing that somehow actually makes me feel full and not crave anything. But while that food is i. My mouth, it's so so so hard not to swallow. Only thing that makes me able to spit is the realization I'd be even more upset and stressed about it being in my stomach.

[Rant/Rave] [Vent/Rant] jaw wired shut
Created: Tue Feb 21 02:33:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5van7b/ventrant_jaw_wired_shut/

[Other] I told my first-ever real life person today
Created: Tue Feb 21 00:49:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vabq7/i_told_my_firstever_real_life_person_today/

[Rant/Rave] My issue with high-cal restriction
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 00:35:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vaa89/my_issue_with_highcal_restriction/
Just a little rant here...
I have been attempting higher cal restriction, partially because I am half-heartedly flirting with recovery and partially because I have midterms. I realized I have a few points of contention with high- cal restriction:
1. Not little enough calories to feel clean and empty and light, not enough to feel really full at any given time.
2. Eating higher cal seems to 'turn on' my appetite. I honestly think I am more hungry at 1000 than 500.
3. 900-1000 calories seems perfectly healthy to my ED brain lol.
4. Eating lower cal comes with a certain high/thrill for me and I miss it sooooo much.

This is not to bash anyone who does higher cal, I am so envious if it works for you because I think its the most sustainable version of restriction. It just makes me so... sad and angsty. Apparently my disordered brain can only function in the black and white extremes of binging or completely starving. Niiiice.
Anyway this rant was probably annoying pointless and mostly just an excuse for me to ignore studying.

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo. ✨💕
Created: Mon Feb 20 23:56:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5va5kg/daily_thinspo/

[Rant/Rave] I'm feeling really good about myself
/u/FreddyTeddyIsCool [175cm| 75kg | F20]
Created: Mon Feb 20 23:25:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5va1oh/im_feeling_really_good_about_myself/
I'm not the weight I want to be but im getting there. Not long ago I was ten kg heavier and I hated myself. It has taken a lot of hard work, restricting calories and exercising everyday, but I'm finally starting to feel like the old me.
I used to be very small but I went to uni, got a boyfriend and life happened and suddenly I was 20kg heavier than I was a year before.
I know I'm not 'skinny' yet but I look and feel fit and more importantly I'm happy.
I thought I'd just share that with someone.
Have a lovely day!

[Rant/Rave] literally no self control
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|GW:120 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 22:42:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v9vp4/literally_no_self_control/
i started off today deciding i was going to fast after a weekend of eating whatever i wanted on a trip. Then around like 3 i decided some carrots and celery would be okay. I wasnt even that hungry but knew i would be later so i thought eating a little now would offset how hungry i was later. ended up making myself much more hungry and made scrambled eggs with spinach. still pretty low cal (was under 300 for the day at this point). then after ii cleaned up the eggs i ate about half a cup of light vanilla yogurt. No my carbs are through the roof and I am at at least 500 calories. Then while watching netflix i basically gave up and ate the rest of my ben and jerrys in the freezer. it was about half a pint so i am over 1000 for the day at a minimum. I just dont know what happened...i went from fasting to over 1000 calorie day. I dont know why but i cannot seem to control myself sometimes. i am disgusted with myself and have no idea what to do anymore. everytime i fast or go a few days under 500 i end up breaking it by thinking "why does this even matter? life is too short" but then i feel gross and fat and disgusting and i hate it

[Rant/Rave] I feel sick thinking about all the time I've wasted not losing weight.
/u/notthinohno [161cm |Too Much | A Big Number | - Not Enough lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 22:35:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v9unf/i_feel_sick_thinking_about_all_the_time_ive/
I've been back and forth between bingeing and restricting for so long, but it still happens every time; I restrict and think to myself "Yes, I'm finally going to stick to it this time" and then comes the binge and I think "I hate how I feel when I eat this much". It's funny, there's a clear logical conclusion to those two statements: I like not eating, I don't like eating, therefore don't eat. But obviously it's not that simple.

Around a month ago, I was in the midst of a period of bingeing that saw me gain 10 pounds. I felt horrible, my clothes were getting really tight, I could see my face getting fat (as i'm sure the rest of my body was, it's just I avoided looking in any full length mirrors). And then I got invited to a party that's taking place in early march - finally, I had some motivation. I *really* wanted to go to this party, but there was no way in hell I was going at this weight. So, like that, my motivation was back - I was restricting, I was feeling great - I lost those 10 pounds in two weeks. It was so exciting waking up every morning knowing I could weigh myself and feel that sense of achievement at the number decreasing.

And then, who would have guessed it? My motivation went away again. I guess I was feeling a tiny bit good about myself, which I now realise is a recipe for disaster. I'm still stuck at the same weight now, almost 3 weeks later. And to think where I could have been had I not given in to those momentary desires, it just makes me feel sick.

So, now I have 3 1/2 weeks to catch up - I just hope I can keep it up this time, but past experience has me feeling pessimistic about my chances.

Binged, spiralled really badly as a result, don't know what to do now
/u/DeusOff [5'7.5" | 118.8lb | 18.3 | -4lb | GW: 90lb | 19NB]
Created: Mon Feb 20 21:48:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v9nkz/binged_spiralled_really_badly_as_a_result_dont/
(Can't flair, I'm on mobile)

I had a pretty bad binge just now, brought on by a nasty panic attack. I'm currently sobbing in bed. I'm feeling suicidal (it's always underlying but right now the urges are really strong) and I just want to scream and physically cut and rip all of the fat out of my body.

Today was going so well. Day 5 of the ABC diet, I had my 100 calories. Now I'm curled up in bed crying and scared of my own brain and generally feeling repulsed by myself

I don't know what to do

[Other] Since we were talking about r/normalnudes the other day, I wanted to share this new thing I stumbled upon and now definitely suddenly need...
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 108.0 | 19.75 | -25 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 21:02:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v9g3y/since_we_were_talking_about_rnormalnudes_the/

[Rant/Rave] Feeling like a fraud
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | 143.8 lbs | 26.18 | -51.2 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 19:47:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v93b2/feeling_like_a_fraud/

[Rant/Rave] I'm just gonna do it
/u/donewithlifex [5'9.5 | CW: 152 lbs | BMI: 22.6 | GW: -3 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 19:42:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v92bx/im_just_gonna_do_it/
I'm so tired of telling myself that this is impossible, when the math checks out. I've gotten so fat, there's no excuse. But within 2 months, I'll be so close to my lowest point. And I just need to eat around 1000-1100 calories and stay mildly active. that's plenty to work with.

I'm sorry, for making such an attention-seeking post. But I'm done, I really am. See you guys around <3

[Rant/Rave] Well, I just had a breakdown
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | Afraid to weigh myself but maybe ~126 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 19:29:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v900g/well_i_just_had_a_breakdown/
(Can't flair bc mobile, this is a rant)

Got out of a 90-minute ballet class and immediately just started crying as soon as I got in the car. Which wouldn't be a problem, except that it happened in front of my mom. At some point it fell out of me that I hate my body, so now she knows, and I'm not sure how I feel about that.

The class was so hard though- not necessarily the ballet itself, but the fact that I was probably the heaviest person there (proportionate to my height) and I was constantly dwelling on how much thinner everyone else is. And now my mom is going to keep tabs on everything I do with my body because of this. I'll just have to wait and see how this pans out, for all I know it could be helpful, but at this point I'm not so sure.

I'm back where I started
/u/1800booti [5'6 | 160 | 25.8 | -5 | f]
Created: Mon Feb 20 18:01:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v8jkg/im_back_where_i_started/

[Discussion] First psych appt Wednesday. How did yours go?
/u/sternums [5'2 | literal tub of lard | F | UGW: 95]
Created: Mon Feb 20 18:01:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v8jez/first_psych_appt_wednesday_how_did_yours_go/
I've already been diagnosed with major depression & general anxiety by my family doctor, and I'm on 2 antidepressants. What happened at your psych appointment when you got diagnosed with an eating disorder?

[Discussion] DAE feel like they're too fat to kill themself?
Created: Mon Feb 20 17:31:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v8dh5/dae_feel_like_theyre_too_fat_to_kill_themself/
I've been kind of suicidal for a while, but a while ago I realized that if I kill myself any time soon, I'll be forever memorialized as fat on account of the corpulent corpse I'll leave behind… and I really don't want to be remembered as looking like some kind of a whale that grew legs : (

[Discussion] I'm curious what you all think of this. My thoughts are in the comments.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 17:03:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v87me/im_curious_what_you_all_think_of_this_my_thoughts/

[Help] integrity to self or the truth?
/u/enfinseul [5'6 | 105.4 | 17.08 | gw👻 | f]
Created: Mon Feb 20 17:00:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v8743/integrity_to_self_or_the_truth/
I hate to join the subreddit and pounce already with a serious issue, but I don't have anyone to disclose this to, and I am terrified and could use advice.

I start therapy finally this week after trying and trying (for months) unsuccessfully to get in. There are various reasons for why I am pursuing it, but I am of course now facing the decision as to whether or not I mention my eating disorder.

Foolishly, I told my doctor when I switched to a new GP, and I have regretted it ever since. My weight is now becoming a focus since it has been going down again during visits, and being weighed every visit elicits my vanity of not wanting the number to go up because of clothes, water weight, etc etc etc

I do not want to get better from this. This is all I have left right now in my life, but I am wondering if there is possibility of an other side to come out on. I hope some of you have insight, any advice at all as to whether or not I should disclose in therapy would be appreciated.

(Edit for clarity/wording)

[Help] Where can I find men's jeans that are 30 length but with a really narrow waist?
Created: Mon Feb 20 16:58:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v86rn/where_can_i_find_mens_jeans_that_are_30_length/

[Help] I can't sleep because I'm too hungry.
Created: Mon Feb 20 16:28:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v80g9/i_cant_sleep_because_im_too_hungry/
Honestly I'm not sure what I am wanting from this post - maybe some kind words/encouragement from people who know what it's like? I always feel like I have no one I can speak to in real life about this.

Anyway, I've been fasting for about a day and a half and I'm really struggling. I feel really sick and light-headed but I cannot sleep, I just want to sleep and wake up tomorrow when I can eat again. I've fasted before and not had it this bad, I think it might be because I didn't have any low/no calorie drinks or snacks (gum and diet coke) today. I don't even have anything in the fridge or cupboards at all right now, it's totally bare.

Does anyone have any advice? Or have been in the same position and can empathise?

[Tip] Fasting tips for an active job??
/u/paytontanner94 [5'4 | CW 120| UGW: 112 l 25F ]
Created: Mon Feb 20 16:20:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v7yuq/fasting_tips_for_an_active_job/

[Intro] salut
/u/enfinseul [5'6 | 105.4 | 17.08 | gw👻 | f]
Created: Mon Feb 20 15:47:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v7s3f/salut/
I have been lurking for some time, and I finally overcame my fear of the decision to become a part of something. I feel strange beginning to post and reply without a proper introduction.

Part of the reason I decided to start to post is that I am going through a quite difficult and transitional period in my life, and it has affected the re-emergence of active disordered behaviours. I am affected by restriction/starvation, laxative abuse, and in the past compulsive exercise, however, an injury and presence of mind to avoid working out has prevented that so far.

I am very shy in my real life, so I do not have many around me with whom I can talk (and even the very few people I do have do not understand) and I was so longing for something like this -- a community filled with support and vacant of judgement or condemnation.

my stats are: 5'6", 114.8, gw110, ugw100, bmi19

I am excited to begin to hopefully interact with the people and community I have been too afraid to become a part of myself for a while -- I'm very eager to meet all of you. <3

[Rant/Rave] Pushing the person that means the most to me away ... Advice ? :( (rant)
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 15:17:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v7lyk/pushing_the_person_that_means_the_most_to_me_away/
Im so exhausted. Im so tired. My muscles just ache from doing nothing, my head is all fuzzy, and I just feel so distant. The whole day I have to put up a facade and pretend Im in the moment, happy , and engaged with my family (otherwise the suspect something's up) and at the end of the day i feel so drained.

Thats also the time him and I Skype. He lives a province away, but were super tight, and Ive never met someone I cherish as much as this guy. We talk almost every single day (we missed one night) but weve Skyped consecutively for the last month and a half. Hes such a great guy, and I cant even explain what I feel for him

But thanks to my shitty ED ive been sort of a bitch to him . Im trying to stay in the moment to talk with him, but my minds all foggy, and my body just hurts so much. Ive just been lowkey sort of pushing him away .

He says it hurts him bc it feels like I dont want to talk to him, but truth is I really do but everything hurts and Im mentally tired as well.

Ive tried explaining it to him, and I think he sort of understands but its still a problem.

I really need advice , guys. i reaaally dont want to lose him :(

Ahh I ate extra
Created: Mon Feb 20 14:30:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v7bxk/ahh_i_ate_extra/

[Rant/Rave] I went to gym today
/u/Rolly_Polly_ [Height 172 | CW 70 | GW 55 | BMI 23.6 | Weight Lost 20| 29F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 14:04:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v76em/i_went_to_gym_today/
I have been on a really bad binge cycle the last two weeks, so I didn't go to the gym at all. Previously I was going 4-5 days a week and ran 5k every time.

Obviously I have gained a fair amount of weight. Something like 5 kg in these two weeks. Which is bad and I am freaking out. I just want to fast again. I want to never eat.

I went to gym again this morning and I was struggling really bad. Couldn't run the 5k without stopping at all. Previously I could run 4k at 10km per hour and the last km at 11. Today I just had to go back to walking speeds after 2.5km. My hear beat was almost 200 bpm. I felt so terrible. It took whole 3 minutes longer than normal to get through the run.

Even the 15 minutes in the sauna felt like death.

And I have eaten too much again today. I can't understand why do I keep doing this to myself.

But I am going to be back tomorrow and the day after that and so on. Until I am thin.

[Help] DAE feel out of breath & weak?
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 146.1 | 21.1 | GW1 149 | GW2 145]
Created: Mon Feb 20 13:48:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v732g/dae_feel_out_of_breath_weak/
DAE feel like this, more so when they are restricting than not? I feel super out of breath and cannot seem to catch my breath to shake this feeling. It goes on all day. I also feel shaky and weak, not necessarily light headed though. Any solutions? I take iron supplements but sometimes forget, I think this could be related.

/u/dirtandherbs [5'3 | CW 96 | GW 93 | BMI 17.0 | 23F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 13:48:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v732f/5_pounds_to_go/
So close, I can almost taste it! My back finally looks good now! Big deal for me, I think backs are one of the sexiest parts of the body. My shoulders are starting to get there, you can see my collar bones extend all the way to my shoulders now and they poke out more than they did. My upper arms, tummy and thighs are the only things that need more work. It's not fat, but I've got extra skin around my upper arms and I don't know which exercises to tone them. Does anyone have any advice? My thigh gap needs to be much wider, it's a little embarassing atm. I haven't lost any weight in my breasts. Just five more pounds! I'll have reached my goal weight. Although I know once I hit 96, I'll want to be 93, and then I'll want to be 90. But hitting my first GW is a big deal for me... I'm starting to finally feel ok about my body. My BF has been really supportive, he's noticed my progress and he says he's impressed by my will power. He has had a lot of nice things to say, and I'm glad I have him to support me. FIVE MORE. I could get there in two more weeks...

[Rant/Rave] I don't know what I want.
/u/Four_Names [5'6"|CW 137|BMI 22.2| -33.9| F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 13:32:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v6zi0/i_dont_know_what_i_want/
I'm so sick of feeling so stuck. After weeks of heavily restricting and seeing the numbers drop so quickly, I felt like I was floating on air. I felt this constant, empty, powerful high that no one could take away from me. I was in control and I was magnificent.

But something in me flipped and now I just can't stop eating and eating and eating. I'll start with something small, but after I put something in my mouth I can't stop until I'm in pain from being so full. And now that I've started purging I can't have food in my stomach without that anxious, nagging feeling that I just have to get. it. out. Just feeling it sloshing around in my gut, weighing me down . . .

All I want is to feel hungry, just let it wash over me and give me that high that I had before. Make me unstoppable like it did before.

All I want is to be feel adequately full, and not have to deal with hunger pains, or the feeling that my stomach is about to bust from all the worthless shit I just crammed into it. I've been losing and gaining the same 5 pounds for the last month and I want to pull my hair out, eating up the whole house and devouring all the money we don't have to spend.

I'm so sick of these extreme highs and lows. Why can't I just be a normal, even-keeled teenager? I'm either a god or shit smeared on someone's boot.

Sorry for the book, but thanks for reading.

[Rant/Rave] The "love your body" movement is so exclusive
/u/yugogrl2000 [64" | 158.9 | 27.27 | -5 | Demigirl]
Created: Mon Feb 20 12:51:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v6qg3/the_love_your_body_movement_is_so_exclusive/
Has anyone else noticed the ridiculous outpouring of "love your body" stuff that is pretty much solely geared to make overweight and obese people have pride in their unhealthy condition? Lane Bryant's ad featuring 4 women (one of them being morbidly obese) stated "This body is changing the game". It is foolish to promote pride in obesity. The sad part is that if I posted a photo of a very thin girl with the same verbiage as that ad, there would be an uproar of anger. The hypocrisy is disgusting. Sorry for ranting.

[Discussion] Has anyone ever had plastic surgery?
/u/imnevergold [5'6 | 112 | 18.15 | -15 | F |]
Created: Mon Feb 20 12:37:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v6n94/has_anyone_ever_had_plastic_surgery/
I'm seriously thinking about saving up to get plastic surgery as a part of my 10 year plan or something. I hate how flat my nose is and how wide my jaw is. Has anyone had plastic surgery? Were you happier with how you looked afterwards?

[Help] Anemic but not sure if I "want" to treat it?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 12:32:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v6mcu/anemic_but_not_sure_if_i_want_to_treat_it/
(On mobile I'll flair when I can) So I got some blood tests done and everything came back fine except my iron is low. Ive never been anemic but I've always supplemented since I'm vegan. I laid off supplements for a bit bc I heard they can constipate you and I already have trouble with that sometimes. Anyway I was reading up on it and I read that anemia is associated with a lowered appetite which I've kinda noticed. I know this sounds bad but having a lowered appetite makes things easier...so is it bad if I don't try to bring up my iron? At least not right now, maybe when I lose a bit more weight?

[Discussion] In your opinion, what are the Pros and cons of Diet Coke?
Created: Mon Feb 20 12:21:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v6jux/in_your_opinion_what_are_the_pros_and_cons_of/
I honestly think that my body is 3000% Diet Coke at this point. If I'm hungry, I'll drink it, if I feel like I'll be hungry, I drink it. If I think that maybe I might want something later, Diet Coke for now. (Okay slight exaggeration but I have 1-2 a day because it's free at the restaurant I work at) Everyone always warns about diet soda but in my head I'm like "yeah ok but it's zero cal" anyway, what are the real downsides to it that you guys have noticed? If at all? Health risks?

[Help] What are your go to ways of getting the bloat and water weight to go away?
Created: Mon Feb 20 12:16:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v6iq9/what_are_your_go_to_ways_of_getting_the_bloat_and/
I drink more water and took a natural diuretic supplement, but I still feel puffy. Is there anything that works for you that maybe I haven't heard of??? I just need help:(

[Rant/Rave] I haven't logged on to this account for 22 days and I'm out of control.
/u/get-it_together [5'3" |160??| UGW 130 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 11:44:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v6bqm/i_havent_logged_on_to_this_account_for_22_days/
I can't remember a time when I wasn't binging out of control. I'm just used to going to bed feeling sick and waking up feeling sick. I can't stop eating and I've gained real physical weight. My pants don't fit. My thighs are huge.

This is just a rant. Is anyone else going through this?

[Rant/Rave] Freaking out before my weigh-in.
/u/the-mortyest-morty [5'3 | CW: 122.0| BMI: 21.6 | -22 | GW: 105 | 25F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 11:18:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v660b/freaking_out_before_my_weighin/
Okay so since I live in a house full of disordered eaters, there's no scale. It works for me, because when I had a scale, I'd spend hours freaking out over one pound that was just water weight anyway.

But this means I only get weighed once a month when I see my doctor. And I am so scared. I was doing so good, feel like I've lost a ton, but I binged a little these past two days and despite not going over 1300 either day, I feel gross. I've pooped today and only ate a half cup of no-fat Chobani (60cals) but I am sooo nervous that the food isn't all out of me, or I've actually gained and just FEEL skinny, or idk. I am so scared. I just wanted to vent. I'll post in the weigh-in thread and update my flair as soon as I know what's up. Wish me luck, guys.

(PS- Please tag this as rant/vent)

EDIT: Got weighed. 123. I was 124 last month. Kinda wanna scream. I've worked so hard. I know part of it was my little binge, and maybe some of it is muscle since I've been working out like crazy, but I am seriously so disappointed. I wanted to be 120 so badly. Argh. Just gotta work harder on my self-control this month. At least I didn't gain.

[Rant/Rave] I forgot to weigh myself this morning...
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 10:43:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v5y5q/i_forgot_to_weigh_myself_this_morning/
And I cannot stop thinking about it. I binged yesterday so I know it'll be higher than I was yesterday morning but just not knowing has me more worried and anxious than when I know I went up a little? Is anyone else like this? It's so nerve wracking....weighing as soon as I get out of class.

On mobile can't flare.

Edit: weighed myself when I got home, was dissappointed but when am I not anymore lol.

[Rant/Rave] You can stop your diet for just one day!0011!!!01!!!
Created: Mon Feb 20 10:02:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v5ook/you_can_stop_your_diet_for_just_one_day001101/
Rant on mobile can't flair.

I was at a 2 day conference and for breakfast the second day the ONLY foods were donuts, bakery foods and COOKIES. WHO THE HECK EATS COOKIES FOR BREAKFAST??? anyways. I got really stressed. My friend offered to get me a donut, and at this point I'm going to have a panic attack. He says "you can break your diet for one day" and I snapped on him. ED or not, I would NEVER eat donuts/cookies for breakfast. No water either only orange juice. I nearly cried when I was offered it.



Like ugh people are awful.

Anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do?

[Help] I feel really alone in my eating problems [help]
Created: Mon Feb 20 09:50:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v5lz5/i_feel_really_alone_in_my_eating_problems_help/
I've noticed many people with eating problems tend to eat healthier foods, but for me it's less of *what* food and more of *how much* food (quantity and calories).

For example, yesterday I had a half of McDonalds burger. A full one is 360 calories so I round it to 500 and note that I consumed 500 calories.
That night I went to McDonalds again with a friend and also had half of a burger, once again consuming 500 calories.

To me it's the numbers that matter most. Numbers numbers numbers. I have to over estimate in case.

I always see people who wouldn't dare eat all the disgusting food I do and I just feel really alone and less valid in my struggle and wanted to know if any one could relate.

[Discussion] Probably the most relatable article I've read about anorexia
/u/ameliasophia [5'4 | 108 |GW: 92| 19.9 | -19 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 08:53:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v594z/probably_the_most_relatable_article_ive_read/
It made me so sad reading this, but I felt like someone was understanding me.

None of that stuff about how it's about 'control' or 'rebellion' or 'being sexy.' No psychoanalysis on how we all want to stay children forever.

The bit that struck me most was where it says about how people with anorexia have unusually high levels of serotonin normally. High levels create severe anxiety. Eating less lowers serotonin levels which is why restriction reduces anxiety and makes us feel more 'normal'. This bit really hurt the most:

> The problem is that the brain fights back, increasing the number of receptors for serotonin. This increased sensitivity means that the old negative feelings return, which drives the person to cut back even more on what they are eating. Any attempts to return to normal eating patterns wind up flooding the hypersensitive brain with a surge of serotonin, creating panic, rage and emotional instability. Anorexia has, in effect, locked itself into place.

I'm so scared that I'll never be able to fight this. I keep telling myself this time is the last time. I'll just get down to my goal weight and then I'll never do this to myself again. But the fact that I can't stop myself right now, that even though I'm starving I can't eat, makes me terrified that I haven't got and will never have control.


[Discussion] Why is eating less unacceptable, but stuffing your face is fine?!
/u/DuckyShincracker [5'4 | 138.7 | 23.67 | -66.3lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 08:25:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v53c0/why_is_eating_less_unacceptable_but_stuffing_your/
On mobile, please tag rant or discussion.

So, why is eating less than others completely unacceptable, but stuffing your face all the time and getting huge is just fine? Like, neither is healthy, but do people bring it up with big people all the time? Because when I was obese no one said anything. That was JUST as unhealthy as eating so much less. But suddenly there's "concern". Are you kidding me? Why is being fat more acceptable than being thin? I don't understand!!!

Also "running is bad for your joints".... Um... So is being fat. Like, people really don't like other people being healthy around them or especially starting bigger than them and getting smaller than them. Makes them all self conscious, I guess, which they then turn into false concern. You're not concerned. I've given you no reason to be. You're jealous. So over the double standard.

[Rant/Rave] "It's all water weight!" & other ramblings
Created: Mon Feb 20 08:16:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v51mq/its_all_water_weight_other_ramblings/
I've lost 23 pounds in 4 weeks by severely restricting/fasting and exercising a lot.
My roommate commented and told me that it was all water weight and that I would gain it all back soon. Like fuck you ugh... 3 day fast turning into a 5 or 7 day.

I get it. I'm still overweight... but she knows nothing about my eating habits so should I give her credit? Ugh and she claims to have lost 50 pounds but still wears the same dress size?! I just want to chime in and be like, "it doesn't count if you lose the same 2 pounds and gain them back over and over". But that would be mean..

I'm now fucking terrified. Is it all water weight? I never want to eat again... or consume any calories for that matter because I might just gain it all back by having maintenance. Fuck her. Fuck my anxiety.
Someone pls send help SOS I'm losing my mind

Edit on mobile rant definitely

[Discussion] How much does food mean to you? Why do you think it means so much / so little?
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 52.5 kg | 19.28 | 18 f]
Created: Mon Feb 20 07:45:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v4vsj/how_much_does_food_mean_to_you_why_do_you_think/
This was supposed to be an answer to a question in another thread, but I trailed off completely and I started thinking...

Eating is, for me, a very private and emotional thing. When I was younger, emotional eating was huge for me. As a child, when I had a bad day in school or if my parents fought, I would sneak out in the kitchen and take food to my room and gorge on it. Usually sweets, chocolates, cereals and other sweet things.

It's very weird for me to eat in front of other people, and I feel quite uncomfortable doing so. This might be partly due to all my anxieties though.

I still find a lot of emotional comfort in eating, and I love it very much. So I want it to be as comfortable an experience as it possibly can. Whenever I eat at home, I'm alone and watching tv, and always with a cup of tea besides me.

If I planned eating something and I'm looking forward to that food, to that moment, and someone has eaten my food or someone got home early and is using the tv or making a lot of noise or something else stress inducing for me, I will break.

It's so bad that if I eat at home and I am not relaxed, I will cry about it. Because then I wasted calories ("happiness points"), and I wasted a joyful moment of my day^this^got^depressing^real^fast

To answer my own question, food has a ridiculous amount of importance to me (at least right now). And I feel weird about it. But mostly just sad

[Discussion] Does anyone else just get ridiculously annoyed or irritated when someone else eats the food you've planned?
/u/fuckthislol [174cm | 49kg | 16.18/15.95| F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 05:56:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v4drr/does_anyone_else_just_get_ridiculously_annoyed_or/
Like I had planned out my breakfast/lunch to eat at 12, specifically told my mum not to eat the little tub of rice in the fridge, then I came down at 12, and my sister had gone and eaten the damn thing. She'd just eaten a bowl of last night's pasta and a big fruit smoothie an hour ago! Gahhh, I swear she just eats bloody everything, and it's annoyed me so much, like I know I can just cook more rice, and I've put some more on, but it takes ages to cook, and I wanted to eat then, and there was just the right tiny amount in that tub. Like I've planned out my day, and now the plan is thrown off. I know an hour isn't a huge issue, and to be honest I'm not even that hungry, it's more just the principle of it ya know. My mum was like "it's only 12, it's still early" bollocks, you've probably eaten twice already and I need something to kick-start my brain so I can get this revision started properly, I feel foggy as fuck.

Okay, I know I'm being silly, just needed to get that rant out haha. Anyone else get irrationally stressed or angry when someone messes with your plans or eats your food?

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] The girls at work are starting to notice my weightloss, and they're being mean about it
Created: Mon Feb 20 05:47:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v4cfn/rant_the_girls_at_work_are_starting_to_notice_my/
Sorry, I don't know how to add a proper tag, I tried though.

Since starting on a new floor in the hospital I have lost 90lbs. I'm no where near thin. I'm 5'8'' and 150lbs. I want to lose another 35lbs to bring me down to 115lbs. This is causing a problem. Several weeks ago one of the nurses asked me if I was sick. I said no, why. "because you're losing a lot of weight". No shit sherlock. No, I didn't say it like that. Instead I smiled and said "I know" and walked away.

A few days later another nurse said to me "We were talking about you the other day....(wtf) you're losing a lot of weight, how much have you lost?" Embarrassed I said 60lbs. I didn't want to say how much I've actually lost.

Another nursing assistant approached me and said "Hey Ihms81023, you know you've lost more weight right?" Yup, I know. "Are you happy about that?" Hell yeah. "Well S* is worried about you, thinks you are an anorexic." Just wait until I lose more weight, I wonder what she'll say then.

Leaving work the other night one of the doctors I used to work with "OMG Ihms81023! Get back here! How much have you lost? 100lbs? You look incredible!" Ahhhh I felt so good about myself. She knew how big I was before and practically nailed my weightloss numbers. Yeah she was off by 10lbs but was super encouraging. That was until I told her I wanted to lose more. Then the tone changed.

I'm not thin. I'm not anorexic. Why can't I want to go in the low end of normal BMI without being judged? Is it because I used to be so large?

I'm just tired of being judged on my weight. I was sooooooo big and am sure I was talked about behind my back about my weight, and now I'm in a normal range they've amped it up to talking about it both behind my back AND to my face. It makes me feel like shit.

When they do this to me I lose all control when I get home from work. I eat chips, ice cream, sometimes a nasty sunday wit chocolate ice cream, a microwaved donut, sprinkled with potato chips.

Oh! the worst. Everyone says I don't eat. I DO IT DAMNIT. I just don't eat the nasty ass stale sandwiches or cookies that get brought in. I also don't like the cakes and pies that get brought in OR the crappy food places they get delivery from. I'm content munching on peanuts or a protein bar during my breaks.

How do I get them to stop. It's even worse when I try and hide my body wearing baggy scrubs and a jacket. It seems to draw more attention to my weightloss.

ps: those were only a handful of comments, I get called out on my weightloss every shift by multiple nurses and nursing assistants. I just want them to STFU and leave me alone. The comments they make leave me feeling worse about myself, not better.

Edit: I'd just like to say you are all awesome. Thanks for the encouraging words!

[Help] Is it worth eating so I don't pass out on my dates??
/u/cheeekyslug [5'5" | - 4 | 19F ]
Created: Mon Feb 20 05:21:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v48ra/is_it_worth_eating_so_i_dont_pass_out_on_my_dates/
I've been going on dates this last 3 weeks. I'm moving to NYC this summer and then SF in the fall and just got out of a shit relationship so I've been needing new people in my life. Lately it's just been going to downtown and getting drinks. I usually need to eat before, like a bowl of oatmeal and honey. During the day, I like walking in the park and get ice cream or coffee. I have the sex drive of a sloth when I'm restricting so I usually just ditch right after lmao

I'm going on a 3rd date with this guy I'm super happy about this one because we have so much in common! However, we've already done the first two and we're planning to hang out at his place but I'm trying to fast again this week. Should I just go on lil mini dates with other guys in the meantime and try not to pass out beforehand? Whenever I'm fasting, I get quieter and slower for some reason in every aspect haha.

How do you guys survive restricting and social situations?

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! February 20, 2017
Created: Mon Feb 20 05:17:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v4885/weekly_stats_update_february_20_2017/
This is the weekly status thread for February 20, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 20, 2017
Created: Mon Feb 20 05:17:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v487k/daily_food_diary_february_20_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for February 20, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Discussion] I think my bulk was actually pretty successful, in a way (plus questions for people who have gone through anything similar to 'physical recovery')
/u/smokesanddietcokes [28/F | SW: 105kg | CW: 51kg | GW 1: 45kg ( UGW: 39.9kg )]
Created: Mon Feb 20 03:40:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v3w3f/i_think_my_bulk_was_actually_pretty_successful_in/
My original aim for gaining weight was to lean bulk - after struggling with that, I just flipped and it turned real dirty. Then everything just went to absolute shit. Rollercoaster. I havn't binged the whole time, my appetite has really evened out the last couple of weeks and there's no hunger moments anymore, but I have gained a bunch, and weird shit is happening now.

I've been absolutely devastated about the sheer amount of fat I've gained over the last couple of months - and I have absolutely gained an astronomical amount of fat, it looks gross on me (why can't I be one of those people who looks cute with chub?!) - but when I was body checking today, I decided to flex and really inspect... and I really think I've gained a whole bunch of muscle mass too. That's a **yay**!!

This makes me excited to see what I will look like now if I cut the fat. I know the way I lose weight isn't ideal for preventing muscle loss, hah, but I've stocked up on BCAAs and protein powder, and am going to experiment with nutrition timing, try to do better with that this time round, and try very hard to get over my fear of carbs when wanting to lose - get some carbs in after workouts. Maybe. Okay that probably wont happen I'm so scared BUT IM GONNA TRY OKAY?

Some questions, mostly involving the 'weird shit' I mentioned earlier:

* I am no longer cold all the time. I experience chills here and there at really random times, but I am no longer constantly cold - actually kinda warm and sweaty. My hair has stopped falling out. My appetite has really evened out (no more extreme hunger binging, although my appetite is still kinda big, it's definitely not that extreme bingey-ness anymore). These things make me think my high intake over the last few months have changed my body - revved up my metabolism again? Balanced out some hormones? Could this be true? PLEASE SAY IT IS SO!

* Argh **EVERYTHING HURTS.** I am experiencing muscle pain 24/7 even when I skip workouts - which yep, never thought I would, but I have over the last couple of weeks because everything hurts. Arms, legs, *feet*. Pain, stiffness - it feels like DOMs every day, but even when I havn't lifted or worked out in any way so it's not actually DOMs. plussss:

* I am constantly fatigued no matter how much rest I get, how many workouts I skip. It's so weird. I am so deep down fatigued and it feels awful. I certainly wont be deficient in any energy/nutrients with my intake recently, nor dehydrated... so why all the fatigue and muscle pain? I've read it's possible when people start to 'recover', could this be why I am experiencing it? Even if mentally I havn't made peace with weight gain or being a higher weight, my intake has been higher, could physically my body be going through this 'recovery'? Any advice on how to handle this?

Beh. Any experiences regarding any of that? Or thoughts?

(*Note: I hope no one is offended - I know it's pretty shitty to 'go back' when I may have made some physical progress with health and stuff, but I've now accepted mentally I am just not there yet. I promised I did try to keep on this path, especially when I noticed that my appetite had evened out and I could perhaps maintain a 'healthy intake'.... but I can't live like this, looking like this. Many people look really gorgeous with a higher fat percentage on their body imo, but to me I personally look absolutely disgusting. It's not time for me to let go completely, I just can't. I can't bear to be seen in public and dread going to my running clubs and to the gym (when I can) because of people seeing me.*)

[Discussion] Snus/cigarettes/nicotine
/u/electille [5'7 | 123 | 19.2 | ?]
Created: Mon Feb 20 02:47:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v3pxt/snuscigarettesnicotine/
I've started turning to nicotine when hungry. Who else does this? I know it's unhealthy but hey, not eating is just as unhealthy and I do that anyhow, ahah.

My friends are judgemental of this and I can't just tell them I use to suppress the hunger, told em I get really anxious and dunno how else to deal (also tru buuuuuut not the main reason hah)

Damn binges
Created: Mon Feb 20 01:13:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v3fry/damn_binges/

[Goal] Lowest size ever! and small vanity sizing rant
/u/rosepurplesoup [5'10" | 131| 18.33| -52 | F 🌻]
Created: Sun Feb 19 21:27:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v2kpv/lowest_size_ever_and_small_vanity_sizing_rant/
Sooooo I've been wearing these same few pairs of size 10 super stretchy (ugh) jeans for months. Like at least 30 pounds ago. So I got fed up of always being self-conscious of my baggy jeans and went to a 30% off sale.

My hope was size 6. Instead I fit a size 2.

When I was too small for size 8 I was elated, but after returning from my third run for smaller sizes I wasn't excited by the number actually being two. I mean, in no fucking universe is my tall, pudgy, pear-shaped ass a size 2. I always have to buy my tall jeans online anyway, so tomorrow I'm just going to a store with more realistic sizing and hope I fit into a 6 there. If I do then I'll be able to actually enjoy these jeans and feel like I've accomplished something of value.

[Rant/Rave] Slipping
/u/ssattub [5'6.5''| 125lbs | 19.88 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 21:12:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v2ies/slipping/
Updates for anyone who recognizes my username. I've moved back up to norcal to be with a long time friend who is now my partner. He is an amazing wonderful man. The issue is I'm living in a city which is very small and had a stalker here which led to me moving south and developing ptsd. I also have no car and am not working. We are moving to Oregon next month, so this is a short term problem.

But I'm slipping. I've been eating properly, more or less. Still thin. Like 125lbs. But lately since getting here I want to starve and die. Which sucks because he knows my issues and I hate to hurt him or scare him. Anyway, I dont know. I guess today is the day I decided Im back and am going to try to go for lw or lower again.

It also really eats me up since he's dated a girl with an eating disorder before and she was thinner than me at my worst. I want to be the worst.

[Help] My Mexico Vacation...
/u/shiver23 [5'5.5 | CW: 135 lbs l UGW: 120><105 lbs l -15 lbs | 25F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 21:02:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v2guc/my_mexico_vacation/
Hey lovely people,

I hope you'll understand this, you're the only ones I feel I can fully vent to.

I'm on vacation in Mexico without a scale & there are not a ton of calorie counts on items. It's stressing me out & I feel really anxious about my weight because of it.

I feel terrible that I'm not hanging out with the family (inlaws + brother in law, his gf & my partner. However, at the same time, being by myself is how I keep calm and am able to restrict when they aren't around.

I'm lucky that they don't pressure me about my habits but I still feel bad. For example, I had breakfast & dinner today (still more calories than I'd like ~1100) due to French Toast & bacon for breakfast. It was delicious, but I still felt bad after eating it. I've also haven't been drinking (which is large part of my inlaws' culture *they don't get drunk, just have wine & beer a lot with meals).

My partner knows I've had trouble with an ED before, but he's more concerned I'm not enjoying my vacation then anything. I've been blaming my mood on homesickness & other factors like excitement about a new job when I get back home. He knows I'm concerned about my weight, but I don't think he realizes how bad my ED really is...

He said he just wants to have fun with me, even if he can have fun without me with the rest of the family. We're hanging out just the two of us tomorrow so that should be nice. I'm much more introverted when I'm stressed so socializing even with people I like is hard.

Any tips for a girl on vacation who is still trying to lose weight?
I'm still walking around town, stretching & going swimming but my restriction is pretty much shot. I feel so helpless...

*Hopefully when we go to the bigger beach town on Tuesday I can buy a scale... It's driving me crazy that I don't know my weight right now!

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Sketch about stress eating by Collegehumor. Too real.
/u/sillybamboo [5'3'' | CW140 | GW135 | BMI 24.8 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 20:17:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v29mr/sketch_about_stress_eating_by_collegehumor_too/

[Discussion] How do you time your eating?
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105.2 | GW 95]
Created: Sun Feb 19 20:07:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v27vj/how_do_you_time_your_eating/
I find my days to be more successful the longer I can put off eating. Because no matter how much I eat during the day, it seems I just have to eat most of my calories at night.

I'm curious what kind of eating times you guys follow. Small regularly spaced meals? Snacking through the day? One big meal? Any rules or routines you stick by?

[Discussion] Apple Cider Vinegar to skip meals?
Created: Sun Feb 19 19:26:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v20s0/apple_cider_vinegar_to_skip_meals/

I think the Russians have hacked my scale
Created: Sun Feb 19 19:11:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v1y63/i_think_the_russians_have_hacked_my_scale/

[Goal] I want to bring back posting hands for a sec bc I finally feel good enough about mine to post it :]
Created: Sun Feb 19 18:34:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v1rot/i_want_to_bring_back_posting_hands_for_a_sec_bc_i/

[Rant/Rave] Abused laxatives and went to a party. Dont know what to do
Created: Sun Feb 19 18:32:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v1rgq/abused_laxatives_and_went_to_a_party_dont_know/

Abused laxativss
Created: Sun Feb 19 18:27:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v1qiv/abused_laxativss/

[Rant/Rave] Best week this year <3
/u/Lady_Anarchy [169cm | CW: 54kg | GW: 52kg | BMI: 18.94 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 17:56:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v1lfe/best_week_this_year_3/

[Rant/Rave] Hate hate hate this cycle
Created: Sun Feb 19 16:34:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v175m/hate_hate_hate_this_cycle/

[Rant/Rave] Everything is too fucking hard
Created: Sun Feb 19 15:51:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v0zrg/everything_is_too_fucking_hard/
I feel like I am spiraling out of control, like I can't do anything right. Can't meet my deadlines, can't keep up in class, can't even stay in my own house at night. I get panicky and lonesome, and so I've been commuting to the city from my Mum's place each day. She works in the city herself and makes the trip every day anyway, so it isn't too inconvenient, but I do feel like a heap of shit. I make myself so sick, I'm 20 years old and acting like such a fucking baby about everything.

Tomorrow will be better, I think; Sundays always depress me for some fucking reason.

I wish I wasn't like this.

[Other] I'm done.
Created: Sun Feb 19 15:02:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v0qo1/im_done/
I do not want to do this anymore. My hair is thinning, and my muscles ache. I want to be healthy and toned. I want to lose this the right way. I haven't been dealing with this for too long, 6 months maybe, but I want toned muscles that I got healthily. I just found a workout routine that I can do at home, I have a track near my house, and I found a flexibility/mobility routine. I'm gonna eat 1450 calories a day. I'm done. Thanks for all the good times y'all. Gonna miss y'all. <3

[Discussion] Well this is new for me...
/u/morose_adipose [5'2 | 90ish | F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 14:43:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v0mzz/well_this_is_new_for_me/
I dunno. My behaviors have changed so many times over the years. I've been doing really well with restricting/fasting/not binging for the past little while and so it seems like my brain got annoyed with me and changed things up a bit.

Suddenly I have new rules. I can't eat before 5 pm. I can only eat a salad with certain ingredients. (I deviated from that rule last night and it almost broke my mind lol) I have to make the salad last for at least an hour and I can't eat every bite. I have to leave some "for later" which just gets thrown out the next day. After I eat the salad, I have to wait til 8:30, and then I can have my yogurt (specific brand and flavor only) and Quest bar. This has to last an hour.

Any change from this routine causes me an insane amount of anxiety. Am I broken? LOL.

Side question...does anyone else view their brain as a separate entity? Like, it's hard to explain.... I just feel like it's this controlling, parasitic being that has taken over my body and sometimes I can fight it and be "me" but other times, not so much. Like right now. And these rules.

Sorry for rambling. I'm not even drunk, just uncharacteristically chatty lol.

[Rant/Rave] I wasn't even hungry...
Created: Sun Feb 19 14:10:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v0gp9/i_wasnt_even_hungry/
Ended up being forced to eat a sandwich and watched while I did so to make sure I ate it. The pain after the first few bites was awful and as I expected would happen, despite the pain, I ended up "binging" on other things after. I tried to purge as much as I could but who knows how much is still left... The feeling of failure is the worst. I'd rather be dead than feel like this. Now I remember why I hate food so fucking much. I was SO close to 200hrs.... I did make it an entire 8 days but I wanted to see out 200hrs. My birthday is in a few days and I'd accepted the probability that I'd have to end my fast as I would be expected to eat but this was unexpected and now I want to die. After my birthday, I'm fasting indefinitely.

On another note, I can't remember the last time I had carbs and didn't purge them... I think my BED might be turning into bulimia...

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] CollegeHumor seriously hitting the nail on the head...
Created: Sun Feb 19 13:57:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v0e93/collegehumor_seriously_hitting_the_nail_on_the/

[Rant/Rave] Just more encouragement to not eat
Created: Sun Feb 19 13:56:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v0e69/just_more_encouragement_to_not_eat/

[Rant/Rave] filled with anxiety right now and I can't talk to anyone but you all about it
Created: Sun Feb 19 13:48:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v0cp7/filled_with_anxiety_right_now_and_i_cant_talk_to/

[Rant/Rave] Sucky Sunday
Created: Sun Feb 19 13:13:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v05zb/sucky_sunday/
On mobile sorry can't flair.

So i was doing incredibly well on my newest restriction diet until me and my OH had a fight and then i gorged on a massive pancake and 500g of greek yogurt with about 4 tablespoons of honey. Shot my daily target to hell in a handbasket. Ironically our argument is over me being picky and him saying nothings ever good enough for me. Urgh. Fuck sundays.

[Rant/Rave] Just a small thing I'm kinda happy about
/u/_saisonenenfer [175cm | not thin :( | M]
Created: Sun Feb 19 12:37:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uzz6w/just_a_small_thing_im_kinda_happy_about/
Maybe this sounds pathetic or embarrassing but I haven't had candy, junk food, chocolate, chips or sodas for 11 days and I'm happy about that. I've managed to go without it. I'm drinking lots of water instead. My next goal starting tomorrow is to cut down portion size or just skip some meals outright.

[Rant/Rave] Whenever I fight with my boyfriend I want to purge and stop eating?
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 113 GW: 85 | -18 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 12:36:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uzyuc/whenever_i_fight_with_my_boyfriend_i_want_to/
Haven't talked for like a week. Tried to patch things up and it got worse yesterday. Have been super depressed, binged this morning, but now just want to purge and exercise and not eat for a week. Hate myself for being so weak.

[Goal] Compromise between ED and fitness (lol)
/u/cayndc [5'7" |SW 132/ CW 120 | 18.7| -12 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 12:14:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uzut2/compromise_between_ed_and_fitness_lol/
First, I had to create a separate account to post in this subreddit because if I post in the fitness-related subreddits, the people there will see my ProED posts and hate me.

So, I want to be thin but I don't want to be skinny-fat. So I'm going to start working out and I do not care about conventional wisdom that you have to eat more than usual in order to build muscle.

Here's what I'm doing:

* Trusting physics and CICO, because there will be some water weight shifts

* Lifting heavy weights with low reps (*Thinner Leaner Stronger* is the book I'm trusting)

* Walking arount 7 miles a day and trying to do HIIT at least 3x per week.

* Tracking calories relentlessly. I know that the only thing that can actually make me fat is Calories In > Calories Out. My BMR is ~1350, but weight lifting will increase that, so I just need to be at a deficit.

* Not body checking for awhile. Again, there will be weight fluctuations due to muscle recovery. I certainly won't be boney, but in the long run, I'm hoping to gain other benefits.

* Light EC stacks

Now I know that at a deficit I may not build muscle. But this is something I want to experiment with.

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Collegehumor nailed it this time lmfao fml (Stressagain's: The Restaurant for Stress-Eating)
/u/apricaught [5'3.5"| CW HAHA FUCK | 20.80| -16| F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 11:18:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uzk7d/collegehumor_nailed_it_this_time_lmfao_fml/

[Rant/Rave] Feel like I'm fighting a losing battle
/u/PizzaInMyUrethra [5'5" | CW: INSANE | GW1: 150 | 24F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 11:13:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uzjc5/feel_like_im_fighting_a_losing_battle/
I have SO much weight to lose. I'm so fat, by definition and by my own thoughts.

On no planet is my weight at my height considered acceptable. I feel so fucking defeated lately, I don't feel like I'll ever lose enough.

I've been bingeing all weekend, and will probably go back to restricting Monday. So this is just a rant looking for kind words as I can't say them myself.

I just cry every time I see my body in the mirror. I'm trapped in 70lbs of excess fat, it all needs to go before I can be "normal". Not even skinny, just NORMAL is my first goal.

I can't continue being this, I'm so bloody sad and disappointed.

[Goal] "Where did your arm go?!"
/u/the-mortyest-morty [5'3 | CW: 122.0| BMI: 21.6 | -22 | GW: 105 | 25F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 11:13:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uzj9k/where_did_your_arm_go/
I love my fiancé. He's the best. He knows not to point out weight gain because it makes me go crazy, and he's usually the first to notice when I've lost weight. Overall he's very supportive, knows about my ED, and doesn't try to control me. He's great.

We were laying in bed last night and I was kinda stretched out over his chest, with my arm sticking out at a weird angle. He grabbed it, fit his entire hand around my bicep, and was like "OMG! Where did your arm go?! Your bicep is thinner than your elbow joint??!"

I was like, "Yeah dude, that's what an arm is supposed to look like! It's not supposed to have all that jiggly chicken-wing shit going on with it."

And then he said, "You look amazing. I am so proud of you."

I fell asleep SO happy last night. My upper arms have always been a HUGE source of insecurity for me and it's just nice not to have to feel so self-conscious anymore. I'm making progress!

I've got a weigh-in tomorrow and I'm so fucking nervous. On the one hand, I feel like there is NO way I haven't lost a little weight. I'd be happy with 120, for now. But if I've gained...my fucking head will explode. I'll keep you guys posted!

[Thinspo] thinspo movies
/u/moggettt [5'5 | 108 | 18.0 | NB]
Created: Sun Feb 19 07:29:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uygft/thinspo_movies/
i've definitely seen posts like this here before but not for a while. what are some of your favorite thinspo movies to watch? (mine are pretty much anything with a young winona, angelina, christina ricci or helena bonham carter lol)

i've never seen black swan, which ive seen mentioned on this topic, i'm planning on watching that tonight or tomorrow!

[Rant/Rave] Stupid fucking scale
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 06:36:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uy9ex/stupid_fucking_scale/
The damn thing weighed me at 120 this morning. I KNOW I haven't lost that much since yesterday. Why can't it just be consistent?! Am I going to have to spend $200 on a scale that'll actually work? So much anxiety. Sorry for rambling.

[Discussion] Anybody else love r/normalnudes?
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Sun Feb 19 05:44:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uy30w/anybody_else_love_rnormalnudes/
Puts a lot of things in perspective for me. Lower weights don't necessarily mean a better body. Makes me want to hit the gym pretty badly, but I know i'll never do that. At least not right now. We're too poor, and I need a personal trainer. So in the mean time, I'll just become as skinny as I possibly can, right?

[Sticky] (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
Created: Sun Feb 19 05:10:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uxz8h/ノヮノ゚_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
Happy Sunday February 19, 2017~

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 19, 2017
Created: Sun Feb 19 05:10:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uxz7s/daily_food_diary_february_19_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for February 19, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Rant/Rave] people are worried.
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 03:11:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uxnsm/people_are_worried/
and that makes me so HAPPY.

i'm fucked up. i will update my flair eventually....

[Help] Relationship and ED... HELP
Created: Sun Feb 19 01:41:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uxfbx/relationship_and_ed_help/
*no flair sorry I'm on my phone*
So I'm feeling pretty unhappy in my relationship, it feels strained, no fun anymore and I'm struggling to want to have sex. I'm really confused to whether these feelings are down to the eating problems making me feel low or whether I'm actually unhappy in the relationship? Has anyone been in this position and if yes what's been the outcome?
Please help!

[Rant/Rave] some stupid fight [rant]
Created: Sun Feb 19 00:37:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ux97l/some_stupid_fight_rant/

Rough night
Created: Sat Feb 18 23:54:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ux4pj/rough_night/

All I want is to restrict again
/u/englace [172cm | 112lbs | 17.0 | -35.4lbs | Female]
Created: Sat Feb 18 23:20:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ux0q6/all_i_want_is_to_restrict_again/
I'm going to try to keep this brief, but over the last few weeks and months my mental and physicsl health has been steadily improving. I'm happy, I'm hopeful, and yet... Everything seems to trigger me now. Like, everything. I've been eating about 2300 kcal/day in an attempt to gain for a while now - because I'm tired of being so underdeveloped and unhealthy looking - but as I actually start to gain and the peaks of my hips and lines of my ribs slowlt smooth out all I can think of is restricting again. It's so, so easy, and yet I know the last time I let myself relapse it almost killed me and spawned a long, awful spiral. Not that that changes anything. Is anyone here fighting similar thoughts? I just want to feel like this isn't a solitary fight.

(I'm sorry for the lack of a tag - mobile is such a pain in the ass. If a mod could put a discussion tag on this I'd really appreciate it.)

[Discussion] does your reflection look different to you before and after you eat?
/u/burningspoke [5'0''| 90.6bs | 19f]
Created: Sat Feb 18 22:13:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uwsp5/does_your_reflection_look_different_to_you_before/
in the morning when my stomach's empty, and i'm weak + lightheaded, i feel ok about my body. my reflection doesn't completely disgust me.

the second i have a bite of food my reflection looks completely different to me. my legs look even shorter + massive, my face looks bloated, etc.

does anyone else experience this hell :s

edit: so glad to know i'm not alone in this.

[Rant/Rave] My mom pointed out that I gained weight
Created: Sat Feb 18 21:43:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uwoo7/my_mom_pointed_out_that_i_gained_weight/
She said "you gained weight that's good you were too thin last time I saw you" (2 1/2 weeks ago)
"How much do you weigh now 150?" Wtf she said that to be a bitch she knows I'm nowhere near 150. She seriously thinks I gained 20 fucking pounds in 2 1/2 weeks. I gained like 8 because I've really been struggling. She gets so jealous and salty when when my weight drops. It's not even like concern it's genuine saltiness. And she said that because she's knew it would hurt me. She such a narcissist bitch. I don't ever want to eat again, I'm so angry, she actually can fuck off

Edit:she just asked me why my butt is so flat

[Help] Worst Binge Day in Known History; Modeling Event in 2 Weeks
/u/canwefloat [5'5 | 120 | - 11 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 21:32:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uwn8h/worst_binge_day_in_known_history_modeling_event/
I was trying not to overeat but today I uh. Did. A lot. An _absurd_ amount of food is sitting in my body right now.

I'm going to an event in two weeks where I was booked to greet people/stand around and look nice.

I am feeling so anxious right now. As soon as I got booked I started binging every other day. My self esteem is at an all time low. I hate my face and my body, I think I got booked because my headshots didn't really even look like me in the first place, and this is my first job with the modeling agency. My eyebrows are stupid and my nose is big and my face looks perpetually swollen and my lips look weird and my boobs are too pointy and I have so much fat on my stomach and ;lkhksdjkslaljfldjfl.

What is the most damage control I can do in 2 weeks to reign this
in? Most weight I can lose?

Also I've weighed 120 lbs now for the past 2 months but I literally am too ashamed to update.

Also I bought a bike today and they asked me how much I weighed at the store and I literally said "OH WOW"

That's all I got for now. Sorry.


I posted on TwoX a few days ago about self esteem issues (triggered by a LITERALLY PERFECT model friend to the point of depression) and basically was told to get over myself. You guys are all I have.

When people surprise you with food [RANT]
Created: Sat Feb 18 20:48:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uwh0g/when_people_surprise_you_with_food_rant/
I was trying to spend the next thirty days eating at around 500 calories a day. I had all my calories planned out for today, and I was doing great.

I came home today from running errands to find that my boyfriend and best friend had prepared me homemade gyoza, miso soup, sashimi and salad. Sashimi plus side dishes is one of my favorite meals, and they wanted to cheer me up after the bad week I had. And I had to eat the good they made me. How could I possibly offend the two people I care most about, especially after they went through all this time and money (good fish isn't cheap, fuck) to cheer me up?

I'm just so upset at myself right now though. I just feel fat and gross and I'm never going to lose any of weight. I still ate at a deficit; I'm looking at about 1,200 calories for the day, but I just feel so frustrated and angry. I'm upset that I'm mad at myself for not having self control, at them for springing a huge meal out of nowhere. Idk I know this is mostly incoherent but ugh I'm just a fat cow and nothing ever seems to go the way I plan it to when I'm attempting to stop being a fat cow.

/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 20:46:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uwguj/i_am_just_going_to_fucking_do_it/
I am going to control my body. It will not rule me anymore. I am going to buckle down and fast because I'm SO FUCKING TIRED of being disappointed every damn day. I have caffeine pills and Welbutrin, so FUCK YOU, appetite. Cravings will be beaten down into the dust by declarations of how DAMN STUPID they are.

This is happening. I AM NOT PLAYING ANYMORE. No more bullshit. No more exceptions. I am fucking angry, and I will use this anger to GET SHIT DONE.

I will succeed, and you all will hear about it.

Thank you.

[Other] Down 30 lbs, hoping to lose at least 20 more- still a fatass.
Created: Sat Feb 18 19:32:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uw5rl/down_30_lbs_hoping_to_lose_at_least_20_more_still/

[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend keeps getting upset...i don't know where else to post this since i trust people here more (rant)
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 19:20:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uw40a/boyfriend_keeps_getting_upseti_dont_know_where/
Sooo, ever since I've been on my Cymbalta, my moods have calmed down tenfold.. I thought this was going to be great and fix things.

I've been happier, been eating less, keeping weight off, been more loving to my kids and SO.

However, if I even get rationally upset when my boyfriend won't get off of Smite (only game I hate because he has an unhealthy obsession with it, and plays for hours on hours). The reason I was upset is because I've been working and acting as primary caretaker of our daughter and I wanted to rest after a busy day out with the kids.

I just wanted him to change her poopy diaper, not asking for a lot, so I said I didn't like how he ignored me until his match was over... Maybe I'm still just too fat and annoying.

I just want him to get help, idk what to do because I'm not getting as upset as he is over this.

He got full on angry saying I shouldn't talk about him and his habits in front of the kids, even when my son had tried talking to him and was kind of just blowing the poor kid off.

Am I just fucking stupid?

I didn't even say shut up or anything and he told me to stop talking when I tried explaining why I was upset, I also apologizd prior to the fight but he said it was bullshit..


[Discussion] Does anyone else feel like no matter what they do they're faking it?
/u/witchy2628 [5'3 | 155lbs | 27 | -35 | f]
Created: Sat Feb 18 19:14:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uw31t/does_anyone_else_feel_like_no_matter_what_they_do/
I've lost 35-40 pounds (depending on the day haha) by restricting, but no matter how many calories I allow myself, I always feel like "well I ate that so obviously I'm fine and I don't have disordered eating". And it's somehow invalidating? I don't know is this normal?

[Rant/Rave] the fucking "Ed" thing
/u/moggettt [5'5 | 108 | 18.0 | NB]
Created: Sat Feb 18 19:12:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uw2rn/the_fucking_ed_thing/
if i have to listen to one more dietitian/therapist/mhp talk about "Ed" i think i'm gonna flip. it drives me nuts. i don't even know why. like partially its just...lady, i'm 27 years old, you don't have to give my eating disorder a cutesy nickname for me to understand it, this is demeaning to both of us

plus i don't really buy into the whole model of completely separating my ED from myself? like i don't eat, it's not an alien parasite attached to my brain stem making me not eat, it's me, i'm the one not eating.

the whole thing is sooooo obnoxious to me. idk. i just needed to vent because it's seriously testing me lately

[Rant/Rave] I feel like I have nothing to look forward to except losing weight.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 18:05:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uvs5h/i_feel_like_i_have_nothing_to_look_forward_to/
I feel bad for it, but part of me really wants days to go by faster so I can lose weight and/or eat again. I haven't gone to bed satisfied in a long time because I'm still losing the weight I gained from attempting to recover. And I'm so freaking depressed that barely anything feels enjoyable, and most things feel overstimulating. Fuuuuuck. Progress is so freaking slow. I hate it.

Created: Sat Feb 18 18:03:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uvrtg/livestream/

[Rant/Rave] Finally after 4 months...
/u/BlazeDozer [6'2 | CW: 168.4 | GW: 135lbs | -32lbs | Female(Trans)]
Created: Sat Feb 18 17:52:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uvpye/finally_after_4_months/
After 4 months of a viscous cycle of binge, purge, fast, repeat. Ive finally broken into the 160s and honestly this has given me a surge of motivation. Im just so happy, and im going to try and work harder. I think what did it was i took my credit card out of my wallet so i couldnt afford fast food or anything.

Honestly it was so shameful, i would shovel the food down then like 5 mins later i pulled over and purged in the bag it came in.

Im so happy i pushed through it though, these last 4 months have been utter hell. Its nice to have a place to share this, I cant ever share with my friends because i dont want them to worry.

[Help] Need some help - what am I willing to do?
Created: Sat Feb 18 17:36:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uvnco/need_some_help_what_am_i_willing_to_do/
I've been seeing a therapist off an on for a year but just switched to her full time which means she's now my primary therapist for the ED. Our normal sessions are work/interpersonal skills so this is a big change for both of us. Our first ED-related session was Friday and she was tough. She asked about going back to treatment which I said no to. My homework this week is to come up with a list of "what I'm willing to do." She said she's assessing where our starting point is.

I don't want to walk in with a list of actual things to change, only to have her tell me to do them, but I do want to give her something that shows I'm willing to make some movement. Here's what I have so far. Can you think of any you would add?

**Things I can agree to do and actually do**

* Not lose any more weight
* Look for opportunities to be recovery focused
* Push myself to actually say what comes up in session
* Use all other coping skills first - piano, journaling, coloring, talking
* I will do my best to stay in the present and not dwell on things happening months from now
* Loosen up on the rigidity and practice giving up control

**Things I can agree to do but not feel too guilty about doing anyway**

* Stop taking laxatives
* Not take adderall
* Not ignore hunger
* Not use compensatory behaviors if I feel like I’ve eaten too much one day
* Not add in new behaviors - purging, diet pills, etc.

[Discussion] How much water does everyone drink per day?
/u/jizzymt [5'8"|156lbs|-16|BMI 23.8|F|GW1: 154|UGW: 120?]
Created: Sat Feb 18 17:20:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uvkpz/how_much_water_does_everyone_drink_per_day/
Also when you do you drink it?

I tend to do it right before food (as in gulp loads down like a mad man just before eating)

[Rant/Rave] Friend just asked me how I stuff so much food down my throat.
Created: Sat Feb 18 17:19:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uvkgd/friend_just_asked_me_how_i_stuff_so_much_food/
Context: I was disgusting last night and ate four slices of pizza (oh my god how) and then a whole bowl full of rice crackers. Total 1379 calories. In the morning I had another slice and went to school, where we were chatting about food and everything, and I let it slip that I had five slices of pizza in two days and my friend (who's really pretty FYI) just was like "Oh my god, how the hell do you stuff so much food down your throat?" Worst part is: she's the friend who's always trying to force me to have lunch and shit. I think this is the first time I've realised just how disgusting and repulsive my body is to everyone around me. I'm gonna try and stick harder to my diet now.

[Rant/Rave] I miss you people.
/u/nauticaI [5'3½ | BMI 20 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 16:17:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uv9w6/i_miss_you_people/
Though my username isn't one anybody would recognize and I was only here for a few months, ProED became such a routine and safe-haven while I was here. This community is so supportive and more helpful than I think any of us can comprehend.

I have taken a bit of a break from this sub (and myfitnesspal, and reddit in general, gasp). I don't think that my coming on here was "wrong", but my relationship with food is just not something I'm comfortable talking about with anyone, and I don't know if it ever will be. I was getting extremely paranoid about my boyfriend lurking through my things and finding out about my username here. It got to the point where I believed he was somehow able to tap into my phone's camera and/or view the screen that I was viewing...

Needless to say, my anxiety meds were upped once again, and I attempted to stay away for my own peace of mind. But the truth is that I never felt more in control (in the right way - I think) and comfortable in my routine than I did while I was posting and reading here.

Currently I feel wildly out of control (B/P routine for the first time in ages), but somehow, I've only gained ~3 pounds since my LW around November. Now more than ever, I want to get my life back on track. I started a full-time job that I am well under-qualified for and feel I have absolutely no routine and no energy. I wake up at 7, go to work until 5, (eating what I can get my hands on throughout the day, sometimes nearly nothing, sometimes *all the food*) come home, and pretty much instantly get back in bed. My stress levels are through the roof (I have actually developed an eye twitch and have been getting regular headaches the way I did as a kid when my anxiety was undiagnosed...lmao).

I think that having my eating under control is something that helps. Not the control that most people think of though - the type that you all understand. I want to come back here but - I guess as a rule for me in all aspects of life - it is so hard to find a balance.

**Anyway, I know this post doesn't have much of a point. Thanks for reading, to anyone who's made it this far. Just wanted to say hello and that I hope you're all okay. Hopefully I can start wandering back here soon.**

[Rant/Rave] I...cannot fucking believe what just happened.
/u/the-mortyest-morty [5'3 | CW: 122.0| BMI: 21.6 | -22 | GW: 105 | 25F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 15:30:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uv1pv/icannot_fucking_believe_what_just_happened/

Created: Sat Feb 18 15:29:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uv1kc/inpatient/
So Thursday I went back to the doctors for an appointment with the nutritionist to see how my meal plan is going. Me being the honest fuck I am told her everything, how I'm still purging daily and that I passed out a week ago. Now the doctor told my mom that hospitalization was the best option for me and I'm leaving on Monday to be admitted, and I also stupidly agreed to go since I couldn't bear seeing my mom cry. Any tips on how to get through my stay? The initial stay is 17 days and I don't know how I'm going to go from eating 300 calories and purging daily to a strict meal plan.

[Discussion] Does anyone else enjoy looking at pictures of food?
/u/CuppyCakesLovey [5'5 | CW:97 | BMI:16.14 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 15:00:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uuw80/does_anyone_else_enjoy_looking_at_pictures_of_food/
In a sort of strange way I have been using this in place of actual eating. I just browse & like pictures for hours and it distracts me from stuffing my face. Also love food shows on tv. How do you distract yourself from cravings?

Teach me a trick?
Created: Sat Feb 18 14:58:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uuvtp/teach_me_a_trick/

[Rant/Rave] [rant] Big boobs problem
Created: Sat Feb 18 14:44:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uute0/rant_big_boobs_problem/
I hate my boobs, they are way too big. Even if I get to my goal weight, I'll always hate my boobs. People say that my boobs are big and that they're jealous / they like them because they're big. I HATE THAT! I'll never be able to have cute clothes because they won't fit. I'll never be able to go braless. I just want them gone. I don't like them, I really wish I had like no boobs at all.

I'm sorry about this rant. I just had to get it out.

[Rant/Rave] My SO just told me what I was wearing wasn't flattering
Created: Sat Feb 18 14:41:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uustp/my_so_just_told_me_what_i_was_wearing_wasnt/

[Other] Tortilla Soup (it's mostly canned tomatoes) sooo good
Created: Sat Feb 18 13:32:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uugcu/tortilla_soup_its_mostly_canned_tomatoes_sooo_good/
Hey y'all I made some bangin soup I would love to share with you. It's based off Qdoba's tortilla soup. Pretty basic but you can do a lot with it!

First off start with sauteeing onion (i used a small red),

garlic (I used some I had roasted),

and peppers...poblano, chile... (I didn't have any other than canned adobo peps that i put in later).

You don't *have* to use oil, but I have found undoubtedly that a very little goes a long way and makes a big difference in flavor when it comes to sauteed veg for a base.

Once that has softened and started to get some color, add

broth (I used vegetarian chicken broth),

canned tomatoes (fire roasted tomatoes are what makes the dish if you ask me, i used half fire roasted tom and half crushed tom)

seasonings! chili powder, mesquite seasoning, cumin, garlic salt, pepper, all those millions of meat rubs your s/o collects (in my case)

canned adobo peppers (i ended up adding like 5 or 6 and some sauce) to your liking, chopped and seeds scraped out, not that it really matters

some sweetener (dash of sugar/agave/splenda?)

blend it (I used my handy dandy immersion blender, most people would blend it only partially to leave chunks, but I don't like soft tomato pieces, I blend my pizza sauce, even, so all the way)

Add a few corn tortillas as you blend a portion, this is both a thickener and big part of the flavor, I just used masa. adjust liquid and tortillas to your desired consistency

Now you can throw in some beans, chicken, corn, whatever

add a squee of lemon or lime juice

serve it with your choice of


diced onion

ff sour cream

sprinkle of cheese or vegan cheese

nutritional yeast


Serve over rice with extras for "gumbo" style

Serve over polenta made with almond milk because it's bitchin

So sorry for the verbose "recipe" hope someone digs it. It also would make a great chili base. I made it thick with one can of beans in a big batch, serve with some avocado on top.


take care of yourselves lovelies

* How in the world did I forget to mention to top it with some tortilla chips??

I used the masa I had to make my own tortillas, but if you got tortillas for the soup, just cut them into strips or triangles spray with cooking spray ( i jused coconut ) sprinkle with salt ( i used kosher) and seasonings if you want, like nutritional yeast, lemon or lime, chili powder, whatever ( i made plain).

some people make the without oil and use lemon or lime to make the salt/seasoning stick. I did a generous even spray across one side of the chips and baked for a few minutes at 375 f til they just started to brown.

[Discussion] Thoughts when your ED first started vs now.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 12:35:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uu5se/thoughts_when_your_ed_first_started_vs_now/
Then: I have to purge within 30 minutes or I'll absorb everything.

Now: I'll purge when the episode is over. Nothing is ~really~ digesting.

Then: 1 calorie for licking gum, 4 for breathing near a buffet

Now: I have a pretty good estimate and it's okay if I'm off a tiny bit.

My ED is still a huge part of my life, but I'm not so ~tumblr ana butterfly~ about it anymore. It's like I know what true and false and know that my thoughts are ridiculous sometimes. I've settled a bit.

[Discussion] [Discussion] Appearance vs weight and body weight simulators
Created: Sat Feb 18 12:14:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uu1yx/discussion_appearance_vs_weight_and_body_weight/
So I'm 5'6" and I'm about 135 or 134, this is my starting weight. So I plan on reaching 117 INA month or two. I've been looking at weight oose simulators and whenever they show my weight it doesn't look like my body, I'm a lot more slender than it's portrayed. saw the 117lbs result and I looked closer to that than what a 135 person would look like.I thought it was because of my fat distribution , it's mostly one my thighs and butt and that's mostly muscle. My waist is 23 1/2 " so most of the time I wonder why I do this but I still feel compelled too.
And I thought what about you guys here. Is it more based on appearance or do you think your weight is directly tied to your appearance when you reach your goal?

[Discussion] DAE dream of bruises and welts? (ramble warning)
/u/cinnamoncactus [5'6'' | 115 | 18.4 | -98 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 11:47:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5utwx5/dae_dream_of_bruises_and_welts_ramble_warning/
Hey excuse my word vomit as usual with the posts I make here, sorry!!
I don't think all symbols we see in dreams accurately interpret what we're dreaming about, as we don't know many concrete things about why we have dreams. If anyone's noticed my posts on here, I have always had strange sleeping habits my entire life, including night terrors, sleep walking, sleep eating, sleep talking; basically sleep behavior disorder. I have very vivid dreams most nights and have recorded them since I was younger, using various dream dictionaries to look at the symbolism behind them and that sort of shit. I've carried it on to school work/projects as well (behavioral psychology major). It's fun if you remember your dreams and has helped with my night terrors, for any of you who deal with them I hope that tip helps since it's a grounding technique. I feel like I learn a bit about myself too, not to sound hippy dippy.

To the point, I repeatedly have dreamed about my legs, sometimes my whole body, being covered in deep bruises with welts all over my body, with the feeling that the welts are from an infection. It's pretty nasty. I was just looking into some theories about the meaning of this and it connected to my ED behaviors a lot.

Basically what sources were saying is that it can mean since bruises come from something harmful, it means you're going through something rough and that it is something gradually hard and ongoing as bruises fade and you will be sure to get another bruise sometime again in your life. In addition to this, I saw that it could be your mind accepting/wanting forms of self inflicted abuse.

The infection part can be related to how we internalize perceived negative attention from others and how it can make it harder to move forward in life from the insecurities the perceived negativity gives me.
Either way I've had this sort of dream basically since I started really having ED behaviors and I guess I overlooked it for years? Does anyone else dream of having bruising,welts, infection, or other deformities?

[Rant/Rave] Vent: I gained two pounds in a week!
Created: Sat Feb 18 11:36:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5utv2o/vent_i_gained_two_pounds_in_a_week/
Today was my weekly weigh-in: I GAINED two pounds even though I exercised MORE this week. I am starting to wonder if exercise is not the right path. It makes me more hungry and it makes me feel as if I can eat more because I worked out. I want to keep exercising but I would be so happy if I could let go of tracking my exercise each day (I wear a pedometer and have a goal that I obsess about). I also don't count vegetables calories and I'm thinking that may be a mistake because I can eat a bathtub of vegetables:)

[Discussion] DAE barre or yoga?
Created: Sat Feb 18 11:17:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5utrec/dae_barre_or_yoga/

[Goal] Going on a three-week strict schedule of calories
Created: Sat Feb 18 09:40:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ut90v/going_on_a_threeweek_strict_schedule_of_calories/

[Rant/Rave] 170 hours. [Trigger warning]
Created: Sat Feb 18 09:33:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ut7z3/170_hours_trigger_warning/
An entire 7 days since I last ate. It feels unreal. I never thought I'd be able to make it more than a day yet here I am. I'm not even hungry. I feel so good, I wish I never had to eat ever again. Thankfully, my body has enough excess fat to live off for at least a few months. I will not eat for the rest of the month unless absolutely forced. I'm not weighing myself, though. I know the weight will come off as long as I don't eat.

[Discussion] [Discussion] Anyone else at a higher risk of binging when you see successful weight loss on the scale?
/u/hapquestions [6ft | 260 | +30 | 0 | M]
Created: Sat Feb 18 09:08:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ut3do/discussion_anyone_else_at_a_higher_risk_of/
I find that when weight myself frequently and see that im losing weight, i am more likely to binge within a day or two. I've been like this my entire life.

I almost feel like i need to avoid the scale altogether BUT focus on eating at a caloric level that i know leads to weight loss.

This should work for me if i stick to it. Maybe I'll report back if this 'hack' works for my ED brain.

[Goal] I can't believe it
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Sat Feb 18 07:43:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uspmu/i_cant_believe_it/
Guys. I am officially the lowest weight i've been since middle school.
I can't fucking believe it. I've lost 30 pounds and it feels so good. I know I still have a long ways to go but I never actually thought I would get here.
Thank you all so much, I definitely couldn't have done it without all your support and kind words!

"Yeah! Fries will fill the void in my soul!"
Created: Sat Feb 18 07:24:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5usmr8/yeah_fries_will_fill_the_void_in_my_soul/

[Help] The dreaded "skinny fat"
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 07:20:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5usm6h/the_dreaded_skinny_fat/
I look better in clothes than I do naked. I'm not toned at all. How do I combat this? I know I could lift weights, but the idea of gaining weight from muscle gives me so much anxiety. I hate my body. Help. :(

Binging and losing weight?
/u/foldedpapercranes [5'6'' | 105lbs | bmi 17| F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 07:07:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uskc4/binging_and_losing_weight/
TMI: What's going on? I had 2000 calories of chocolate each of the last 3 days and I'm losing. Is it possible that I'm just shitting out the chocolate? Every morning post binge I've had a huge poop.

Hopefully can stop today. Don't want to get my hopes up because maybe it's just water weight and I'm still gaining fat...

When your man brings you breakfast in bed
/u/dontcareifithurts__ [5'4.5 | 114.4 | - 6.8 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 06:50:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ushzy/when_your_man_brings_you_breakfast_in_bed/

[Rant/Rave] 5 donuts, 3 bowls of cereal, 5 cookies [Long]
/u/-kaneki-ken- [5'7" | mooing loudly | 19.51 | 23F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 05:53:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5usb0o/5_donuts_3_bowls_of_cereal_5_cookies_long/
It's my body and I'll cry if I want to.

Valentine's Day was my birthday. Of the last 5 days, 4 were over TDEE, 3 of which were full-on binges. What's in the title is what I had tonight, when I got high and my give-a-fuck collapsed after a 1200 cal day and lots of weed. 4,000 cals went in my gross mouth today, 2,500 of which happened in one sitting.

So I've definitely gained. I was on the scale yesterday and it blew my fucking mind.. I went from 125 to 135 in four days, y'all, *and* I binged again today. I have also been going through an interruption in hormone-related medication which has caused bloating, serious mood swings, breakouts.. All while coordinating the final stages of gutting/selling a house and moving 3 states away...

At this rate it will take me one month to gain back all 30 lbs.

Which is, of course, absolutely terrifying. It took me 4 months of intense dedication to lose that weight.

I think the worst part about it is my boyfriend. He not only knows about my binging issue, but has caught me purging recently and was really angry with me about it. I've asked him to help me stop, but I know it puts him in a terrible spot. He wanted to make me happy on my b-day so he got me muffins and baklava. I of course ate a fuck ton and then had a full-on crying panic attack about it, essentially ruining Valentine's for the both of us.

So then, he stopped me from going out to buy binge food two days ago and even though I was immensely grateful to him for it, I acted like a whiny baby about it. I don't know why. It's a weird, manipulative thing my binge mind does. Inside I feel relief but for some twisted reason my brain wants to accuse him of thinking I'm fat for stopping me from going out and buying a dozen donuts. This couldn't be farther from the truth, but my binge brain has no regard for the fucking truth.

In the morning I'm all calorie counts, strict rules, talking about getting back to 125 asap. I smoke ONE indica joint after 8 pm and I'm a goddamn monster, begging him to let me go get binge foods and whining if I can't.

I cannot believe I become that person. I don't understand how I can let those words come out of my mouth, let myself freely engage in this behavior that causes me so much pain and disgust and shame. I feel like two completely different people. I feel especially insane because tomorrow I'm going to have to ask my boyfriend to please not let me binge anymore, meaning I have to ask him to outright deny me something I will want/demand in the moment, and that dissonance fucking kills him. I must seem totally insane. I certainly feel insane.

Does anyone have tips for this aspect of things? Am I wrong for wanting to let him share some of the burden of stopping this behavior? What's the best way to ask, and do you have any advice for him? (How does he tell his rapidly weight-gaining fiance, who he loves very much, that she can't go out and buy a box of cocoa pebbles to eat all in one sitting?)

I have eaten *double* my TDEE *three times* this week. I'm scared and I need help. I need an adult. I feel the need to apologize for every aspect of my existence. I want to feel pretty and controlled again. I want him to be proud. Why can't I just be good for him?

Today I will go on a run.
Today I will fast.
Today I will engage in as much damage control as I possibly can.
Today I will ask for help.

I am feeling better today,
And I promise I'll make sure
I'm even better tomorrow.

Binge free days: 0 and counting

Send me luck and good vibes, guys. I love you. Let's all reach a goal today.

[No flair, on mobile, but this is a rant/cry for help]

[Rant/Rave] I did it I guess
/u/yummmies [5'4.5" | 105 | 18.0| -60 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 05:35:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5us947/i_did_it_i_guess/
Updated the flair today. 106.4 puts me at underweight in just about every bmi calculator out there. I haven't been this light since 5th grade.

I thought I'd be more elated I guess. I thought "I did it!" after the scale showed the number, but then it was just a matter changing my gw again to 105. I sacrificed so much for this, so much time at the gym, so much time thinking about eating but not eating, pretty sure my insomnia is due to lack of adequate nutrition, etc. that I just feel super pooped.

I want to try to maintain for a little bit, but ironically I reached this weight trying to "maintain" at 110. I guess I'll keep losing from here, but I can't help but doubt everything. There just isn't any satisfaction anymore and I keep losing for the sake of losing and for the fear of gaining. I just don't know what to feel anymore.

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! February 18, 2017
Created: Sat Feb 18 05:10:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5us6e6/stupid_questions_saturday_february_18_2017/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for February 18, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 18, 2017
Created: Sat Feb 18 05:10:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5us6di/daily_food_diary_february_18_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for February 18, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Discussion] How's your day/night plans looking?
/u/phenylalala9 [159cm |CW: 51.3kg | GW: 45kg | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 03:15:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5urux9/hows_your_daynight_plans_looking/
Gone so long without binging. I was eating so well. I haven't purged in so long. Got committed to in-patient for being a wimp and getting myself put in for being suicidal. Started prozac like that's supposed to help you lose weight, but it's me. It's fucking me so OF COURSE here I am eating so much food I mise well use a shovel instead of a spoon. And I can't stop and I don't want to. I feel so shit.

So just clocking in at the end of my binge at about 2500 calories and I can't bring myself to purge. Binged yesterday too. I feel like crap. I'm going to get the nurses to give me some benzos and I'm going to cry to death metal and wonder what the fuck is wrong with me. How's your day/night going?

Edit: No benzos. Just promethazine. Woo

I've been here before..
Created: Sat Feb 18 02:44:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5urs0m/ive_been_here_before/
Hey everyone! I've been on here for awhile, but had to make a new account.

Today I ordered a bag I've been wanting and I plan on being down 5 pounds before it gets here 😁 I'm sooooo excited!!!

How is everyone 😍 I haven't posted in awhile...

This sub is my fave

Can't stop crying
/u/DeusOff [5'7.5" | 118.8lb | 18.3 | -4lb | GW: 90lb | 19NB]
Created: Sat Feb 18 02:10:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uroqt/cant_stop_crying/
(I'm really sorry, I can't flair this because I'm on mobile)

I just woke up and I'm crying my eyes out.

My friend dragged me out last night, I was doing really well on the ABC diet (I'd done day 2 successfully, 500 calories) and I was determined to just drink Diet Coke all night. She ended up getting me to drink half a bottle of rosé, a double vodka lemonade, a jäegerbomb, and she made me eat McDonald's, a flapjack, and a slice of pizza.

It just hit me this morning and I haven't stopped crying since.

What the fuck do I do? Just continue with the diet as normal? I'm pretty close to shutting down and staying in bed forever at this point, I'm so so so upset.

I just want to be in control of my life. That's all I want.

[Rant/Rave] Im fucking done.
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 02:01:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5urnvk/im_fucking_done/
I'm done eating.

I'm done finishing food friends left on their plates.

I'm done being the fat friend.

I'm done caring about these fake friends.

It's time I do something for myself and get skinny. Then they'll be the jealous ones. Not fucking me anymore.

[Rant/Rave] So which one of us is not seeing things clearly?
/u/tinybundleofsticks [5'6 | 82.8 | 13.4 | M]
Created: Sat Feb 18 00:01:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5urbrn/so_which_one_of_us_is_not_seeing_things_clearly/
I was at the grocery store this morning, and as I was using the self-checkout, one of the employees came up to me and commented that I look like I've been putting on weight. Worse, she specifically said I look like I've "filled out". It was all I could do not to drop my bag and walk out in tears, like, well, I guess I won't be needing those groceries anymore.

(I'll note here that I live in a very small town, and frequent the one grocery store a couple times a week, so it's not super weird for a sympathetic employee to notice had I been getting better).

The thing is, I weighed myself after, and it was the same as it was earlier this week, 84.8 pounds. I've been maintaining between 83 and 87 pounds since moving here in July, and I've been averaging ~1600 calories/day (some days as low as 1200, hitting 2100~2300 once or twice a week). There's no reason for me to look like I've gained weight, unless I'm delusional. I did have cheesecake for dessert, like after a proper dinner, for the past two nights in a row, and I've been much less active, sleeping/resting a lot. But the numbers don't lie. But why else would a random outsider make a comment about me looking better, and be so specific as saying I've "filled out" (when I think I look quite "sunken in").

I"m tripping out, man.

[Rant/Rave] Can't seem to get back on track (rant and some questions)
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 23:31:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ur8fb/cant_seem_to_get_back_on_track_rant_and_some/
Sorry in advance for being ranty... I just wanted to get my feelings out and I can't talk to anyone in my real life about these feelings.

Since Christmas break, I feel like I haven't been able to control my eating. I'll go through a few days of being good and then ruin it with a day that I meet my TDEE or go over it, and I've been so ravenous lately that I can't seem to stop myself from eating. I only keep low-cal foods in the house, but even those add up when you snack. To make things worse, my roommate threw away our scale, so I don't know how much I've gained in the past two months. My WiiFit scale is the only thing that gives me an idea of how much I weigh, and I know those can be wildly inaccurate, so even though it's giving me my normal weight I feel like it must be wrong. On top of that, I'm going to a wedding in July and I just want to be tiny and perfect for it, especially since it will be bathing suit season by then and I definitely don't look good in a bathing suit now. I feel like even though it's months away and I could probably lose 20 pounds by then, I won't be able to do it because I have no self-control.

So here are my questions:
What do you guys do when you feel like you need to get back on track but are having trouble? What are the foods you eat to make sure you don't binge on snacks later/what foods do you find the most filling?


What scale do you like the best, since apparently I need to buy a new one?

[Other] So long, and thanks for all the Coke Zero
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |143.8|-76lbs|GW: 110|19A]
Created: Fri Feb 17 22:53:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ur3ro/so_long_and_thanks_for_all_the_coke_zero/
I finally talked to my dad about the problems I'm having with food. He was so reasonable and understanding with me. I know it's not healthy for me to post here and I'm going to stop. I don't want this to develop further into something sinister and I need to try my best to work against it. I worked SO hard to eat within the limits I set for myself today that I was stressed and uncomfortable when I could have been having a nice time with my family. I've impacted my mental and physical health with thIs. I hope for the best for all of you, I see so much of myself and struggle inside of the majority of posts here, and I honestly never expected that i was someone that would be entrapped by food in this way. Thanks for the support. Be well.

Today's last supper -


I'm going to try❤️

[Tip] Wanted to share my favorite low-cal dinner: lemongrass shrimp with cauliflower!
/u/littlestpiglet [5'2" | CW: 102.4 | 18.9 | UGW: 98 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 21:54:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uqw8q/wanted_to_share_my_favorite_lowcal_dinner/
This is my absolute favorite meal that I make! It's low-calorie (by my standards, anyway), is a HUGE amount of food/looks like a normal meal, is absolutely delicious, is quick and easy to make, and has lots of protein, fiber, and no sugar.


4 oz shrimp (I buy raw tail-off) (70 cal)

4 cups frozen cauliflower (100 cal)

1/2 tablespoon butter (50 cal)

2 1/4 teaspoons of [Gourmet Garden Lemongrass Stir-In Paste](http://www.gourmetgarden.com/en/product/106/lemongrass-stir-paste) (45 cal)

Lemon pepper flakes (0 cal)

Total = 265 cal


Steam the cauliflower in the bag in the microwave (takes about 5 minutes). While the cauliflower is steaming, melt the butter in a skillet and add shrimp. Stir frequently to coat in butter. When the shrimp are about halfway done, add in the lemongrass and lemon pepper. The shrimp should cook in about the same amount of time as the cauliflower. Chop the cauliflower up with a fork to make it more bite-size and top with the shrimp.

It's seriously so fast and delicious and filling!

[Discussion] DAE cook to relax?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 21:52:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uqvye/dae_cook_to_relax/
It's like 5 AM and I was feeling anxious, so I found a pancake recipe and made for the entire family. I didn't eat any, but I did feel much more relaxed when I was done. Is this an ED thing or just a weird me-thing? I get it with all kinds of foods, but I find making pancakes the most relaxing...

[Rant/Rave] Worst binge of my life
Created: Fri Feb 17 20:05:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uqgoc/worst_binge_of_my_life/

[Rant/Rave] I'm so tired of binging
/u/Indigobeet [162cm | 62kg | 24.3 | 0 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 19:27:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uqau3/im_so_tired_of_binging/
I've been binging for a week straight now. It all started when I received an invitation for an interview and I got really stressed out about that, and not knowing how to cope with that feeling, went to buy food. I WAS LITERALLY WALKING IN TESCO AND THINKING I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE EATING ANYTHING, BUT I HAVE ALL THESE FEELINGS, WHAT DO. Doesn't help that I'm supposed to get my period soon.

Did that up till my interview and when I was done with it, I binged out of relief. I was so tired both physically and mentally so I kept stuffing my fat face all day.

Had to fly back home and I was thinking about how I have no one to wait for me at home and be supportive of me, just in general, or do something nice for me. Everything I want or need I have to do it myself. So what did I do when I got home? You probably guessed it.

I do have friends to reach out to, but when discussing this topic they always say 'oh but you always have me'. That's the beside the point; it's not about you or your qualities as a friend, it's about me. Sometimes I feel the need for emotional intimacy and they can't fill that void. But I can't say that out loud now, can I?

Sometimes I need some external validation and appreciation.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I stocked up on safe foods, and have nothing at home that I can binge on. Look forward to the emptiness both physical and emotional of restriction.

Sorry for rambling.

Tl;dr: I have feelings, and once I start binge eating to try to cope I can't stop.

[Rant/Rave] I saw a new therapist today, why don't they get it?
/u/salviaplath_13 [5'1 | CW: 108 | 20.8 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 18:14:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5upysj/i_saw_a_new_therapist_today_why_dont_they_get_it/
I haven't had a regular therapist in 3 years, and my parents want me to go back to one. So, I met with a new lady today and she asked the standard stuff like "what brings you here?" and I told her "anxiety, depression, and disordered eating." This particular office specializes in women who have anxiety and eating disorders, but isn't the main reason why I picked her (well, mainly it was my mom). She decided to latch on to the last thing I said and not ask anything about the anxiety & depression. I told her I had never had a formal diagnosis but it had become a problem in the past 2 years. It was so uncomfortable to tell this to a complete stranger, face to face. She asked about my eating patterns and wanted details about it all (b/p, c/s, restriction). I expected this, but then she said "What would happen if you ate a donut everyday" and I was just like "umm.. I'd gain weight?" She asked how many calories I eat a day and I said 1200. She didn't seem to think that was normal! I tried to explain that's the maximum I can eat because I'm so short. Annoyingly enough, she wasn't much taller than me and despite wearing a thick sweater, she looked very thin. I wanted to ask what she does to stay at her weight if eating 1200 is crazy. At the end of the session she said I MUST see a dietitian and handed me 3 business cards for referrals. Apparently "the only way to overcome this" according to her is to stop counting calories and that the dietitian would work on that with me. She asked me what I thought about this, so I was honest and told her I really didn't want to see one and the idea of not counting calories sounded impossible.

I don't even want to go back for the session next week. I really want to stop b/p and the other shit, but if I don't monitor every calorie I'll fall right back into binge eating. There's no way out of it.

[Discussion] DAE eat condiments?!
Created: Fri Feb 17 17:50:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5upuzc/dae_eat_condiments/
I eat condiments. A lot. It sounds kinda gross typing it out.

But forreal. I eat mustard. And bbq sauce. And hot sauce. And taco bell packets. And steak sauce. And vinegar, salt, pepper....fucking hamburger seasoning....you name it, I probably "snack" on it.

I've found when I crave certain foods, just having a spoonful of the seasoning or sauce that normally makes the dish, takes away my craving. Which is cool.

But I often find myself eating mustard off a spoon, and thinking I'm pretty pathetic.

Anyone else do this shit?
I'm honestly curious.

I'm a terrible influence
/u/anadrogyne [173 cm | 52.4kg | 17.5 | -2.5kg| F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 17:33:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ups36/im_a_terrible_influence/
I knew this was coming sooner or later. My little sister is showing signs of ED behavior and I blame all of this on myself. She's started running, and she stated "Ugh I gotta go run now because I had ____ for lunch" She didn't eat dinner afterwards. I am so disappointed of myself, I can't believe that I've let my personal struggles influence her in this way. I also feel the need to eat less than her - I feel so fucked up for saying this, but it's as if she is stealing a part of my identity. Ugh I am a gross person. I am not someone to look up to.

Edit: Mobile, can't flair. [rant]

[Discussion] Lowest calorie options at restaurants and/or convenience stores?
/u/blackcoffeegreentea [5'9" | 145 | 21.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 17:21:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uppvx/lowest_calorie_options_at_restaurants_andor/
I'm currently adhering strictly to 500 cals/day and doing great with it, but the band I play in is going on tour in about a month and I'm really nervous about eating on the road. We'll be out for 3.5 weeks, eating at restaurants almost every day or even stopping at convenience stores on long travel days.


Any awesome low-calorie options you've discovered that I might not know about? The only ones I can think of are un-dressed salad, steamed vegetables (no butter/oil!), miso soup, and tea/coffee... Definitely won't get me through a whole tour! (I'm a vegetarian too...)


Bonus points if they're unexpected! Two of my bandmates know about my past food issues, and I'd like to try not to raise suspicion with them if possible.


I can also bring my own food from home, if it's something that travels well and doesn't need refrigeration. Definitely bringing a box of tea and a bunch of nori. Would love more ideas! (thanks!!)

[Rant/Rave] I guess getting back on track (rant)
/u/borrow_our_light [5'7| 134.4lbs | 21.78 BMI | -27.2lbs | F | GW 115]
Created: Fri Feb 17 16:55:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5upl30/i_guess_getting_back_on_track_rant/
After having spent the past two weeks binging on everything in sight I guess I'm trying to get back to restricting. After a very hard break up I just kinda let myself fall apart, ate until I felt sick. Like so sick that I couldn't get out of bed. I'm a vegetarian and I ate so much meat just because I didn't care. I hate that I let emotions control how much or what I eat.

The next few days are gonna be hell because I haven't restricted in weeks, wish me luck

On mobile can't flair

Overweight people are more likely to have EDs
Created: Fri Feb 17 13:27:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uogfj/overweight_people_are_more_likely_to_have_eds/

[Other] Has anyone ever tried that Devil Wears Prada diet?
/u/PAetc [5'4.5"| GW:110lbs | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 12:58:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uoa78/has_anyone_ever_tried_that_devil_wears_prada_diet/

[Help] Lowering Laxative Dosage + different brand of laxatives?
/u/porcelain-joy [5'7.5 | 18NB]
Created: Fri Feb 17 12:46:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uo7po/lowering_laxative_dosage_different_brand_of/
(hope this is OK to post here, I don't have anywhere else to ask) I've been trying to lower the amount of laxatives I take for awhile now. I use the cheap 89 cent 25 count laxatives from Walmart usually, and at the moment take 25 of them (down from 55). Unfortunately I couldn't make it to Walmart yesterday and had to buy a 25 count from target, which cost me almost $2 more :/ it's also off-brand rather than name brand.

Since they both use bisacodyle 5mg (though the Walmart brand states "bisacodyl USP 5 mg" while target brand doesn't have the USP) I could use the same dosage, right? I was planning on lowering them to 20 this time, but I'm scared they won't work since I bought it from a different place, which makes me want to take all 25. But if they work differently than the Walmart brand for some weird reason then I'll probably end up throwing them all up from nausea and waste the pills.

Will they work the same or should I just take my usual 25 and not lower it until I can buy my usual kind? I'm already down a lot but I can't stand the thought of the laxatives not working and instead just leaving me gassy and bloated...

thanks in advance for any responses.

Starting phen any one have input?
Created: Fri Feb 17 12:39:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uo671/starting_phen_any_one_have_input/

[Intro] Another Introduction
/u/GhostlyParadox [5'1.5 | 107.4 | Female]
Created: Fri Feb 17 11:11:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5unniv/another_introduction/
Hey, everyone, how are you all doing today?

I've been a lurker for a while but I've finally worked up enough courage to start posting. I'm 18 and live in Canada. I am in University right now and am planning on majoring in English while also taking some Psych and Phil courses. I'm usually the outcast/loner (yes, I admit it) and I also have a few piercings-- I also have a tattoo and am planning a bunch more.

I've had problems with disordered eating for quite a while now and I harshly dislike how I look. I'm Vegan (not for the health benefits) but I still would've thought I'd lose more weight than I have.

I'm going camping with friends in a couple of months and unless I lose at least 20 pounds I just know that I'm not going to have any fun because I'll feel like garbage in front of everyone.

Anyway, it's lovely to meet you all and I look forward to conversing with you all. xx

[Help] Not losing weight no matter what??
Created: Fri Feb 17 10:41:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5unh1u/not_losing_weight_no_matter_what/

[Discussion] "Normal people skinny"
/u/throwingfoodaway [151.13cm | CW: 48.2kg | 22.3 BMI | GW: 38kg | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 10:38:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5unggs/normal_people_skinny/
What's your height? What do you think normal people would say is skinny for that height, and what do *you* think is a skinny weight for that height?

I was inspired to make this post because my boyfriend (normal person) thinks that I was skinny at 130lbs/59kg - at 5ft/1.52m (he thinks I'm too thin now)!! But my idea of a skinny weight at 5ft is 90-95lbs (40-43kg). Of course, my goal weight is still lower than that, but that's just cause I'm fucked in the head.

[Rant/Rave] Good news: I'm my lowest weight since middle school 😎😎
Created: Fri Feb 17 10:13:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5unb2k/good_news_im_my_lowest_weight_since_middle_school/
Bad news: I'm still high 130s and about 20 lbs from my first goal weight 😢

/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 151lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -14lbs | f]
Created: Fri Feb 17 09:44:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5un50h/dang_good_soup_borscht/
borscht recipe

1 beet

1 carrot

1/3 cup of chopped red onion

1/3 cup of chopped red cabbage

roughly 4-8 cups of water (i like lots of broth)

1 tbsp of coconut (or whatever) oil

dill, garlic salt, lemon juice (these ones are all to taste)

boil the beets, carrots, and red onion for like, 30 min then throw the cabbage in and boil for another 15 after that. try broth throughout, and test beets. see if the beet is soft as you'd like it to be.

makes like 4-6 servings depending

my bowl of like 2 ladles was approx 70 calories and its so warm and yummy ~~(best enjoyed without crying over textbooks but hey what can u do after failing a midterm)~~

[Discussion] Can you link every single problem you have back to your weight?
Created: Fri Feb 17 09:00:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5umvkr/can_you_link_every_single_problem_you_have_back/

[Intro] The happiness of my day is determined by whether I've lost weight or not.
/u/exmorbidly [5'7 | 176lbs | -104lbs | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 08:41:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5umrrf/the_happiness_of_my_day_is_determined_by_whether/
I guess this is kind of an intro. I don't really know that I have an eating disorder. I just kind of want to word vomit on you guys.

My entire life, I've been obese. And even morbidly obese. I was 5'7" and 280lbs by the time I was in the 7th grade. I honestly believe that it's a form of child abuse/neglect to let your kid get to that point. I obviously had some serious issues that I was avoiding with food. I still get really angry at my mom about it all. She actually has anorexia and I think it's what made her afraid to teach me about food intake. I could go on and on about that insane dynamic.

So anyway, three years ago I finally got to a place in life where I wanted to try to lose the weight. All I've ever wanted in life was to be thin and beautiful. I went about it the healthy way, ate 1200-1600 calories a day and ended up losing 100lbs. Everyone has been so proud of me, and I felt a million times better.

But then the weight stopped coming off so easy. One bad day a week never used to affect me, and now it was making me stall hardcore. I've been stuck at the same weight for a year now. 180lbs. I would have given ANYTHING to be this, back when I was morbidly obese. This was actually my first goal weight. But now I'm just angry. I'm angry that I'm not done losing weight yet. That I'm still not pretty. That I'm still fat. I wake up every morning and weigh myself. If I'm down any weight, my day is transformed into total joy. If I've gained, the world gets gray.

I've started lowering my calorie intake more and more every week. I miss the high of losing 2 pounds a week. I've started eating less than 800 calories a day. I'm starting to feel like that's still too much. I'm in a constant state of panic that I won't be a normal weight at my wedding.

I base my entire worth off losing this weight and finally being a thin person. I'm tired of losing weight. I want to be done.

[Help] Weight stays the same after very low cal days
Created: Fri Feb 17 08:09:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5umlf5/weight_stays_the_same_after_very_low_cal_days/
On mobile so no flair, sorry.

So I've been doing pretty well for the past 2 months. Most days are under 1000, and within that most are under 500, save for the occasional "binge" which usually ends up at 1500-2000, which is honestly not even a binge lmao but it really feels that way to me. Anyway, I've noticed that I'll tend to lose weight faster when eating 500 - 800 cals rather than fasting - 400. For example, I weighed myself Wednesday and I was at 100.6, and on Thursday I was at 99.8 (same time, every morning, after I've peed with no clothes on to be consistent FYI). I had three hours of dance yesterday and only ate 240 cals, which I probably burnt off anyway. I woke up this morning and was still at 99.8. I'm just confused because when I have days where I eat around 800 calories and I'll go down in weight, but when I heavily restrict my weight seems to stay the same. Why is this? Is this normal? Am I actually losing weight? Like what's going on lmao

[Help] Why can't I stop eating/thinking about food?
Created: Fri Feb 17 07:39:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5umfu4/why_cant_i_stop_eatingthinking_about_food/

[Help] I feel like I'm losing my mind
Created: Fri Feb 17 06:46:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5um6im/i_feel_like_im_losing_my_mind/

[Other] Trying out the string around the waist method this weekend
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |143.8|-76lbs|GW: 110|19A]
Created: Fri Feb 17 06:45:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5um69z/trying_out_the_string_around_the_waist_method/
I have very poor self control when it comes to eating out. If there's a plate of food in front of me i can't help but pick at it. I've tried this method at home before with Chinese takeout and it worked, so I'm wrapping a piece of butchers twine around my waist to hopefully stop me from continuing to stuff my face once I hit a certain point. Pray for me, lol. /on mobile, can't flair

[Rant/Rave] Literally filled with regret
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 155.9 | -41lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Fri Feb 17 06:13:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5um1b1/literally_filled_with_regret/
So I ended up accidentally fasting on Wednesday (hooray 5hr naps) and then ate my valentines leftovers yesterday and my poop this morning was so tiny I know it wasn't all of it and now I'm up like 1.2lbs. Obviously I know it's gonna happen after you eat anything following a fast but ugh.

The best part is now all I wanna do is drink senna tea to get it out so I can weigh but I made plans to hang out with my friend today. I wish I could cancel but that would be a shitty (ha ha puns) reason to cancel on someone and I am filled with food and social regret. Fasting today hopefully 😭 and probably drinking that tea anyway because I hate myself

Edit: prayed to the poop gods and they answered so now only up 0.5lbs!

[Rant/Rave] Suuuuch a positive night!
Created: Fri Feb 17 05:35:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ulvtn/suuuuch_a_positive_night/

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! February 17, 2017
Created: Fri Feb 17 05:16:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ult5m/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
This is the weekly picture thread for February 17, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host-- Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

Daily Food Diary! February 17, 2017
Created: Fri Feb 17 05:15:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ult4j/daily_food_diary_february_17_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for February 17, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Other] I bought a new scale..
/u/morose_adipose [5'2 | 90ish | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 04:50:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ulpmw/i_bought_a_new_scale/
Finally broke down and bought a digital scale. I'm excited and terrified at the same time. I know my old scale isn't accurate (it's a dial scale and it's temperamental) but I *know* it, if that makes any sense.

This is the new scale. It's supposed to be accurate within .2 lbs, and it also measures your BMI, muscle mass, bone density (uh oh) and hydration.

So, I'm excited to have a new gadget, but terrified to find out if I weigh more on an accurate scale. Fingers crossed, it will be here today and I'm either going to be really happy or want to throw myself off a bridge lol.

[Help] First day properly fasting, tips?
Created: Fri Feb 17 03:54:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ulj2u/first_day_properly_fasting_tips/

[Help] I been binging straight for a long time but one of the only ways to make me stop and starve is self hatred but I dont hate myself at the moment?
Created: Fri Feb 17 01:19:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ul1xy/i_been_binging_straight_for_a_long_time_but_one/

I got high (stoned)
Created: Fri Feb 17 01:04:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ul09q/i_got_high_stoned/

[Intro] new-ish and i wanna get to know people!
/u/videocorrupted [5'5" | 115.4 lb | 19.43 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 00:51:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ukyua/newish_and_i_wanna_get_to_know_people/
hello there! i made this account a year ago but i've honestly ignored it for most of the last year. anyway, i'm hoping to meet people who i can relate to, so tell me your story! or any other random fact. i just wanna meet people here!

just some facts about me: i'm a 22-year old woman living in an urban area, i'm majoring in chemistry and i'm graduating in may, i love body modification (especially piercings -- i'm saving up for tattoos!), and i play a whole lot of splatoon for some reason!

(p.s., does anyone know how to add flair on mobile?)

[Discussion] Has anyone else's honesty backfired?
/u/verakitty [5'4"|CW 108lbs |18.5 |-12lbs |GW 105 |UGW 99 |F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 23:03:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uklrz/has_anyone_elses_honesty_backfired/
My heart cheers on you lucky people with understanding best friends, S.O.s, and parents!

But those who've candidly shared their ED-related struggles with loved ones and had a less than favorable reception-- how did you deal with their reaction(s)? Did anything worse come of your honesty?

[Help] trying to get back on board
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 23:03:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ukloe/trying_to_get_back_on_board/

[Discussion] Getting back on track
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW110 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 22:20:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ukfxj/getting_back_on_track/
I spent the past few days eating at maintenance to deal with the fatigue and lack of sleep. Also I am noticing that more of my hair is coming out than usual and that worries me.

But despite my health concerns the mental pain that eating at a higher amount is causing me is just too much. I need to get back to restricting but I don't know how to do this while still keeping my hair and still being able to sleep. Restricting helps me feel in control of my life and without it I turn to even unhealthier habits. Looking for advice/suggestions on what I should do/how to get on track because eating just stresses me out.

Sorry if this is super jumbled I am very much under the influence now, thank you for suffering through reading this :).

triggered by arguments
Created: Thu Feb 16 20:52:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uk2jh/triggered_by_arguments/

[Help] [help] Is there any sort of good alternative to eating?
Created: Thu Feb 16 20:25:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujxyg/help_is_there_any_sort_of_good_alternative_to/

[Rant/Rave] The worst thing I do because of my ED
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 108.6 | 19.9 | -7 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Thu Feb 16 20:16:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujwj9/the_worst_thing_i_do_because_of_my_ed/
I wish this place had a confession tag, but oh well.

My anti-depressent is usually my lifesaver, but I found out when I take it on an empty stomach it causes severe, debilitating nausea, panic attacks, and dizziness. When I want to fast, purge, or otherwise self-harm I'll take it on an empty stomach deliberately to make it impossible for me to eat and make myself sick (because I just can't bring myself to stick anything down my throat). The panic attacks speed up my heart rate so I know I must be burning more calories than usual.

If anyone is thinking about trying this, do not. You'll regret it. The nausea, dizziness, and panic attacks are utter hell and last for 12, 16, 18 hours, and I ALWAYS regret my decision to self-harm like this. But I've gotten to where I do it twice a week or more because it helps me lose weight. =( I need to stop.

[Thinspo] Thinspo Collection! (One might be NSFW)
/u/NoisyDogs [5' 5" | 120 | 20.4 | -18lbs | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 20:08:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujv2t/thinspo_collection_one_might_be_nsfw/

[Discussion] DAE feel insignificant?
Created: Thu Feb 16 19:40:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujqf1/dae_feel_insignificant/
Honestly 100% of my days are spent making other people happy. Making other people feel comfortable. Making sure other people are getting what THEY want. I will give up anything for another person to feel positive.

However I feel like I deserve nothing. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve to pick where me and my boyfriend are eating. My opinion is weird. It doesn't matter. It always makes me feel stupid when i voice it

It has made me silent

I feel like I can hardly utter a word in public without hating myself after or worrying about if anyone thought it was weird. I don't feel worthy of talking to others and making friends in class. I feel stupid and like I don't fit it. I feel like people are staring at me all the time and I always think it's because I'm weirdly shaped, fat, or ugly. I have gained a lot of weight (113-140, 5'6) since treatment had been forced upon me two years ago and I hate it. Granted, my rational mind knows I am all muscle but my ED filled mind worries that I'm not realizing all the fat I have.

I have b/p and proactively restricted for the past week and my boyfriend doesn't notice. I think he still thinks I'm doing alright right now. I hate that I'm hiding things from him. I feel like a bad person.

We just had a fight and I just legitimately can't think of a reason for living. I'm pathetic and fat and will never be good enough.

I'm sorry for this I just don't know where to turn to

Chemical diet?
Created: Thu Feb 16 19:30:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujol3/chemical_diet/

[Rant/Rave] Weight loss and face shape (rant in comments, face for reference)
Created: Thu Feb 16 19:25:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujnvd/weight_loss_and_face_shape_rant_in_comments_face/

[Help] Question about night sweats despite restriction
Created: Thu Feb 16 18:57:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujiyz/question_about_night_sweats_despite_restriction/

[Rant/Rave] Silly ED thing
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 168.2 | -24 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Thu Feb 16 18:11:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujarf/silly_ed_thing/
So my boyfriend and I did not have a good V-Day. We're both super busy, me with teaching clinicals & him with his science degree. We had agreed to have some sushi (gimbap for me, less calories cuz it's all veg) for dinner, he would leave his late class early, watch a movie, have sex, etc.

Well, he doesn't get to leave his class early because of a really important lab. Fine, I'm super disappointed, but whatever. I get over it in a day and that's good for my cals because I just skipped dinner.

Well, I came home today after work, and there's two giant grocery bags of Powerade Zero and a case of Monster Energy zero sitting on the bed, with a hand-written note by him. He basically says he's proud of how far I've come, how I'm almost done with my clinicals and I'll be a great teacher soon, how he'll be a teacher with me soon & he's working really hard in school (we had issues with this since we got together) and trying to be the best he can for me. He said, "you've been working so hard, this will get you through the rest of the week (just kidding hehe), i love you more than anything in the world."

I'm just...so full of love & happiness. It's really propelling me to be stronger and more resilient with food too, so win-win. And I thought it was hilarious that only someone with ED would be moved to tears by a bunch of zero calorie drinks as a gift LOL.

[Discussion] Safe foods- What are yours?
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 108.6 | 19.9 | -7 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Thu Feb 16 18:09:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujab3/safe_foods_what_are_yours/
My list currently includes miso soup, chicken broth, and bananas. Do you have some ideas for what I could add to that list? Ideally, the less calories the better and bonus points if it's warm and soothing.

[Other] Bye!
Created: Thu Feb 16 17:56:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uj7wl/bye/

[Rant/Rave] Dear 'friend' who triggered me,
/u/archerofdawn [154cm | SW 164 | CW 145 | GW 88 | -19 | NB]
Created: Thu Feb 16 17:53:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uj7do/dear_friend_who_triggered_me/
(tw suicide/purging mention)

thanks for reminding me that I shouldn't be eating and for giving me the motivation to throw my dinner away. I only wish I'd seen your tweet sooner so that I wouldn't have eaten any of it instead of losing appetite 3/4 the way through, but I'll take what I can get.

less thanks for making me consider purging and reminding me that there is a bridge that would kill me about 5 min's walk away. You treat me like garbage disposal and now this. I can't even fucking bring this up with you because you're so fragile. Fuck you. Fuck you I wish I'd never met you. I really do. I really regret meeting you. I just wish I could say that to your face and to the other one's face.

[Discussion] DAE think like this?
Created: Thu Feb 16 17:47:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uj670/dae_think_like_this/

[Rant/Rave] so frustrated
Created: Thu Feb 16 16:48:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uiul6/so_frustrated/
Last week I dropped four pounds, but then I got some bad news and went on a binge. It wasn't huge, but enough to completely destroy what I worked so hard for. This week I've been doing a lot better.

Since last Wednesday (the binge) I've been really good at restricting and it's been pretty easy. I've even been going for long, brisk walks everyday, averaging around 4.5k a day.

My net calorie intake has been under 200 for the last week, but my weight hasn't changed in the slightest? My binge brought me back up to my starting weight and since then I've been hovering around the same number, give or take a pound.

I feel so hopeless. I've been working so hard and haven't seen any results at all. I'm gonna be stuck living as a whale forever. I'm terrified to eat anything. Considering I've been staying active and eating next to nothing already and my weight hasn't changed, I'm scared that if I eat anything now I'll balloon for sure.

I just want to be small and dainty and fragile.

[Rant/Rave] [intro/rant?] I've been diagnosed
/u/throwingawaymylife- [5'3.5" | i have no scale but somewhere around 22 bmi | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 16:42:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uit99/introrant_ive_been_diagnosed/
(trigger warning for self harm btw)

I'm 13 years old, and I've been diagnosed with binge eating disorder. my parents found my blades after going through my room, and they send me to partial inpatient for a week. I started with a restrictive ED, but spiraled down into binging until I've gained like 20 pounds since November. and I'm just upset. so, so upset. I just needed to get this off my chest, even if no one reads it.

[Rant/Rave] Oh wait (weight)!
Created: Thu Feb 16 16:01:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uik31/oh_wait_weight/
Mobile - rant, I guess?

I can't fucking believe that I have been able to live with myself at this weight. I'm so embarrassed to go in public/go to work...
I realize it will take time for the weight to come off, but I can't WAIT for it... I'm restricting, EC, exercising... and I have still only lost 17 pounds in 3 weeks. I just can't believe I am in this situation... fuck zyprexa and thorazine (psych meds that contributed to my gaining 50 pounds).

Everyone in my life keeps telling me I'm going to gain it all back, that it's all water weight. Like I fucking hate everyone including myself.

Ugh this has no point and I'm sorry for taking up space I just don't know who else to turn to.

[Rant/Rave] "You look healthy"
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 114 | HW 180 | LW 107 | 29 F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 15:51:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uihzt/you_look_healthy/
I went in to talk to a professor today who knows that I have anorexia and was in the hospital. He was very kind and asked me a lot of questions about how I've been feeling, which made me feel good.

But then, and I know this has probably been brought up on this subreddit before, he just had to say "you look healthy."

I replied, "that just means I got fat." Which he kindly denied.

I knew if I ever got that so-called compliment that it would hurt, but I have literally been struggling to deal with it for several hours. I feel like crying. He must think I'm such a fake and that I'm not sick at all and should just STFU. I was at my lowest adult weight a month ago and threatened with hospitalization again; the only reason I've been gaining weight is because I can't stand to be non-consensually force-fed again. I'd rather die.

Ugh. I don't think I've hated myself this much since the hospital.

Edit: To clarify (and I didn't make this clear at all), I don't think he was being insensitive. He was very nice to me. This is the fault of my warped brain, but even knowing that doesn't make it less upsetting.

Monthly weight loss?
/u/bitterorbetter [5'5| 140 | 23.3 | -20| F19]
Created: Thu Feb 16 15:48:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uihcq/monthly_weight_loss/

[Other] childish "safe" foods
/u/moggettt [5'5 | 108 | 18.0 | NB]
Created: Thu Feb 16 14:17:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uhxca/childish_safe_foods/
not really safe foods as we usually define it here but sort of in the same vein?

when i get extremely overwhelmed by food, really anxious and frightened, i sort of regress and can only stand to eat stuff a kid would eat, like sugary cereal, mac n cheese, pb&j, pop tarts, shit like that.

they certainly arent safe foods -- theyre foods i usually want nothing to do with in terms of my goals -- but sometimes theyre all i can handle.

does anyone else experience this? some days i spend all my calories on like, strawberry pop tarts, because the prospect of figuring out actual safe low cal foods is just too overwhelming.

[Other] [Help] Thinking of making a shirtless photo of myself my phone's lockscreen image. Has any other similar trick helped you with avoiding binges?
Created: Thu Feb 16 12:53:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uhe3i/help_thinking_of_making_a_shirtless_photo_of/
26M and sick of this crap.

I'm 6ft and only been as thin as 170lbs and as huge as 285lbs. I'm somewhere in between right now, but ugh, i don't wanna talk about it. It's gross.

My life has basically been about fluctuating up and down in weight by large amounts. I'm usually "happier" when I'm thinner but i could almost swear it's because people treat me way nicer when I am slimmer:

*when I'm slim, people treat me amazingly, almost like they look up to me. Often, i still feel like a fat POS and dont see my potential. Other times, when I'm grotesquely obese, people treat me like shit (assume I'll take being the butt of a joke, assume they can bully me [even as adults], touch me innapropriately [tussle my hair, squeeze my manboobs]). And the funny part is, when i get this negative treatment when i am fat, my 'athletic/thin ego' kicks in and i think "who the fuck do they think they are dealing with? They think I(!!!!) am below THEM (!!) in social heirarchy?"... And then i remember that i do look the part since i technically am a lowly chubster "for now".*

Anyway, sorry for accidental the rant.

**purpose i made this post:**

**do you guys have any psychological tricks to remind yourself binging will only make yourself hate yourself more in a few hours?**

So far, the only ideas i have are:

1. Make your phone lock screen a photo of your body. (kinda gross and weird if someone sees it)

2. Take a photo of your body every singe day until you are happy with your body (kind of depressing but maybe necessary. Also weird if anyone ever sees 200 topless photos of yourself on your cloud)

3. Weight yourself every day (not quite as effective as seeing your actual body.

Any other ideas that have worked for you are appreciated.

I let go of social media 2 years ago because i got close to my goal weight then binged my laat 9 months progress away in 2 months, so i felt fat and disgusting and wanted to wait until i lost it again to rejoin social media. But that social isolation and lack of pressure made me even more relaxed about eating and my weight gain and binging just went rogue and i havent recovered since.

Anyway, any helpful tips are appreciated

**tldr: out of the box techniques to shame yourself into not binge eating?**

[Help] Non-animal safe foods high in iron...?
/u/cannibale101 [5'4" | Not happy with this anymore]
Created: Thu Feb 16 12:51:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uhdm1/nonanimal_safe_foods_high_in_iron/
I got inked last week (yay!) and the tattoo artist mentionned that my blood was particularly clear and thin. I agreed with her as a deficiency in iron would be a very logical thing for me at the moment and it explains at least in part why i've been feeling so weak all the time in the last weeks. (I'm also aware that iron deficiency isn't the only possible reason why blood would get clear but idk, i'm not a smart person.)

I tried to make multivitamins a regular thing but you have to eat while taking those because 1- it gives you horrible nausea if you don't and 2- i read that it won't even work properly in your system if you're empty. It's not working so good with me, turned me into a permanently blurry-minded binge monster who hates herself and barely has the guts to interact and get to class once a week.

I don't eat animal products and would appreciate if i could stick to safe foods like non-starchy veggies and fruits, and get my iron up a bit... Is it reasonable? Do you have ideas?

Thank you :)

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Made me think of us. I sometimes enjoy being reminded that our problems are human.
/u/cannibale101 [5'4" | Not happy with this anymore]
Created: Thu Feb 16 12:14:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uh599/made_me_think_of_us_i_sometimes_enjoy_being/

[Tip] green tea on an empty stomach = pain/nausea
/u/blackcoffeegreentea [5'9" | 145 | 21.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 11:42:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ugxp9/green_tea_on_an_empty_stomach_painnausea/
I am learning this the hard way right now (how did I never know?) so thought I'd pass it along, in case it can save anyone else an uncomfortable stomachache!

I'm fasting today, but stuck to my regular calorie-free fluids, including 2 cups of strong green tea with cinnamon. Well, green tea increases your stomach acids, so drinking it on an empty stomach can cause pain and nausea. I've been nauseous now for almost 3 hours(!), unable to be productive in my day, and have been debating whether to try to keep riding it out, or to eat something to soothe my stomachache (but ruin my fast).

I just had a few sips of (calorie free) seltzer water, which is maybe starting to help, or maybe the stomachache is starting to fade. It's still pretty nasty though.

Either way, ughhh. Next time I fast, I'll stick to peppermint tea and save my green tea for days when I am eating!

[Discussion] Question for anyone whose hair has fallen out because of restricting...
/u/littlestpiglet [5'2" | CW: 102.4 | 18.9 | UGW: 98 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 11:25:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ugtrd/question_for_anyone_whose_hair_has_fallen_out/
Could you tell it was happening? Or was it like all of a sudden you woke up one day and realized "I have way less hair than I used to"?

I'm super afraid of my hair falling out. I don't restrict that heavily and the food I eat is pretty nutritious, but I have long, fine, wavy hair that is really prone to tangling/breaking on its own. I can't afford to lose any more than I naturally do. They say everyone loses about 100 strands of hair a day, but obviously there's no way I can keep count of what's coming off of me.

So, yeah.. Was it obvious when it started happening, and how heavily/long had you been restricting?

[Other] Interesting choice of ad for this sub
Created: Thu Feb 16 11:17:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ugrw4/interesting_choice_of_ad_for_this_sub/

[Rant/Rave] I have bronchitis
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 147.2 | 22.1 | -3 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 10:26:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ugfcn/i_have_bronchitis/
Can't flair on mobile, probably a rave.
So I've been sick for the past month and I thought it was the cold/flu so I've been working full time and going to school as well. Well I went super downhill Valentine's Day and it turns out it's turned into bronchitis and possibly pneumonia. As sick as it sounds I'm really happy because now I have a legit excuse to not eat or be hungry because of being sick. Also a random perk, I can't taste or smell ANYTHING so binging is pointless because I can't even enjoy it now, food is all just texture now and so boring.

[Intro] he broke up with me.
/u/ggilded [5'5"|disgusting]
Created: Thu Feb 16 10:14:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ugceb/he_broke_up_with_me/

[Discussion] Short girls: What are your routines?
/u/rizzie_ [5'2F CW:136.8 GW:110]
Created: Thu Feb 16 09:54:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ug7g6/short_girls_what_are_your_routines/

[Help] Distrusting calories in popcorn
/u/RainyDayDaydream [5'6 | ?? | ?? | ?? | Lady]
Created: Thu Feb 16 09:54:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ug7co/distrusting_calories_in_popcorn/
So, I've been eating this popcorn. Its 111 calories for 80 grams, which is the whole bag. Its supposedly air-popped and stuff. To me it just seems so low and not right? Somebody help me out here, is this accurate?

[Help] Anti-depressants... Weight gain/loss?
Created: Thu Feb 16 09:19:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ufz3x/antidepressants_weight_gainloss/
Sorry, usually very chatty but keeping it short because my mood's a little funny. Do any of you take antidepressants? I have some that have been described for me today -- citalopram, to be precise -- and I'm worried about potential weight gain. ☹ It seems to be that, at least where the leaflet is concerned, weight loss is more common than gain, but I'm still concerned. I've been putting off taking it until I know for cert, because weight gain's the last thing I need!

Anyone got experience or anecdotes?

Thank you!

[Thinspo] [Male Thinspo] "SAINT LAURENT by Hedi Slimane" Showroom SS14 [24 Images]
Created: Thu Feb 16 08:46:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ufr1p/male_thinspo_saint_laurent_by_hedi_slimane/

[Other] Something I wrote a couple months ago. (TW?)
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 08:31:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ufnd5/something_i_wrote_a_couple_months_ago_tw/

[Rant/Rave] Disappointed in myself.
/u/mikey-way [5'2 | 114.4 | 21.68 | -16 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 07:56:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uff03/disappointed_in_myself/
Had to break a 40 hour fast due to nausea and shaking. I'm currently curled up on the couch after a bowl of cereal and I'm mad, bc I'm home alone all day today & it was the perfect opportunity to fast.

The strangest part though is that I've done fasts up to 44 hours and felt fine, so I have no idea why I feel so shitty today. I'm attributing it to skiing last night, but I'm really not sure.

On mobile. Tag as rant.

[Rant/Rave] Just another rant
Created: Thu Feb 16 07:36:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ufab3/just_another_rant/
On mobile sorry can't flag.

So yesterday my total calories after restricting and exercise was 141, i really wanted a toastie and had been restricting all day so i could have one after a bath and mentioned this to my OH to which he says "but you just had a chicken burger"
yes.. 5 hours ago and i walked 4km after to burn it off. He was probably right but that doesn't stop the stingy feeling i got like he was pointing out my greed. When will i not feel like shit?!

Created: Thu Feb 16 07:22:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uf7d9/my_scale_is_broken_and_im_freaking_out/

[Rant/Rave] The bright side of being sick
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 06:35:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uexu6/the_bright_side_of_being_sick/
I have the worst allergies ever that come around every once in a while. Similar symptoms to a cold but basically my entire head feels congested and gross. But heyyy I hardly ever want to eat when I'm like this!! That makes it a lot easier to restrict. Usually I'm thinking about food 24/7 but now I don't even want to think about it.

[Help] Chicken noodle soup
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 06:18:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ueu9z/chicken_noodle_soup/
So I just chugged some dayquil cause I feel awful and found out that was about 400 calories out the window...fuck. So I really don't understand the soup label on campbells chicken soup. Fit bit says it's 300 calories but 60 x 2.5 servings is 180? I'm so confused. Someone help me so I don't have to die while I'm sick lol

Weekly Emotional Support February 16, 2017
Created: Thu Feb 16 05:07:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uegdi/weekly_emotional_support_february_16_2017/

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

Daily Food Diary! February 16, 2017
Created: Thu Feb 16 05:07:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uegck/daily_food_diary_february_16_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for February 16, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Rant/Rave] Opened up to a friend about my eating habits. They replied, "But you're a good weight!"
/u/crumpet9 [5'3 | cw: 105.2 | gw: nothing | 20f]
Created: Thu Feb 16 05:05:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ueg4s/opened_up_to_a_friend_about_my_eating_habits_they/
So, I'm trying to get my ex back. I pushed him away in a LARGE part due to my eating problems. I don't think I'm emotionally ready for "recovery", but I'm trying to actually admit something's wrong. And that includes opening up to friends. Last night I finally went to one guy friend and opened up. I told him I basically either don't eat at all or I throw up what I do. But then I joked, "I mean I don't have an eating disorder I'm just fucked up". And he replied, "Yeah, you def don't. You're at a good weight". And just wow, ouch. I don't actually know if I do have an ED, I've never been diagnosed. But it just sucks. I feel like what I go through is invalidated because I'm not thin enough. A part of me wants to get so thin anybody can take one look at me and think I'm ill. But another part of me wants to lose the last 15 pounds the "healthy way" (whatever that means). I'm not sure where I'm at right now. He's a really good friend and has actually been through periods of disordered eating so I know what he said wasn't meant to be malicious but fuck.

Also it REALLY sucks being a short girl. It doesn't matter that I already lost 20 pounds and was considered healthy then, I would need to lose ANOTHER 20 to even be considered underweight.

Just. Ugh.

Starting the ABC Diet today!
/u/DeusOff [5'7.5" | 118.8lb | 18.3 | -4lb | GW: 90lb | 19NB]
Created: Thu Feb 16 00:43:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5udhej/starting_the_abc_diet_today/

[Help] [advice] Staying alert while fasting
/u/Delicious_Citrus [5'4 | 140 | GW: 120 |F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 23:45:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ud9wz/advice_staying_alert_while_fasting/
Any advice on how to successfully fast when you're in a situation in which you have to stay super alert for a super long period of time? Or maybe snacks and mental tricks? I'm rushing a sorority and on top of my school schedule I literally have no time to get any kind of food (or workout!) Tomorrow for example, I have back to back events and classes (and a midterm!) from 10am until midnight. I've never dealt with something like this before, and the no time to exercise is really a huge blow as well. How can I deal?

[Other] Depression, Eating Disorders and Big Smiles
Created: Wed Feb 15 23:13:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ud5h3/depression_eating_disorders_and_big_smiles/
Hey guys this is a short description of my experience I'm considering submitting for my school's mental health blog. I've been really struggling the past two days and hoped to achieve something by writing this:

I believe there is a time in our past where suddenly see the world a little differently. For some, it may be a shade brighter and for others, it may be a shade darker. Rose-tinted glass cannot be bought at the supermarket and even if they were, they would be mistakenly shattered and broken down into little pills which would later be called anti-depressants. When I was a little girl, I was loved unconditionally and the brightest shade of pink filled my tiny little world. My friend’s mothers didn’t want me coming over for playdates because I was infamous for cutting my friends’ bangs as diagonally as possible. Finding so much enjoyment from dressing up in princess costumes, digging worms in my backyard, and singing songs from Annie, I, like every other little smiling child, wouldn’t understand that playing dress-up would be something you would be expected to do your whole life.

Ate age eight, I changed the spelling of my name and the world around me turned a little darker. No longer Ali but Allie, I thought if I could change the spelling of my own name, I would certainly be able to change the way people saw me. Change, itself, became a habit, as I did not not live in the same place for more than four years nor did I enjoy drinking the same glass of orange juice everyday. Yet, I was taught that if I stopped smiling and pretending everything was ok I would cause cause too much change.
The next ten years of my life were lived acting in ways which had the least impact on others. Often confused for laid-back, easygoing or free-spirited, I question whether that is me or simply a body trying not to interrupt or disturb the flow of things around me. Living this way is a dangerous thing mainly because you label your emotions as barricades and interruptions thus leave them buried inside of you and wait for their decay. I fought with no one, I wasn’t a burden to anyone, I was well-liked, and only danced when others were dancing.

At the time, I thought everything was fine but in reality, I was blanketed by isolation, stagnation and unhappiness. Since, I was able to continued to smile, I managed to get by without revealing the feelings in which held on to over the years until it revealed itself through the development of a full blown eating disorder. My body was physically present yet my mind was emotionally deteriorating and throwing away any puzzle pieces I would need to survive.
But him, her, they and we told me to keep smiling so I did.
Senior year of high school was spent burning calories at the gym, counting calories at the dinner table and hovering over the toilet with my index shoved down my throat and my spent hands pulling my long hair back from my puffy face. Somehow, I managed to maintain a couple of friendships but playing dressing up everyday made that seem too exhausting.
Freshman year of college was spent restricting calories, kissing boys, drinking alcohol and throwing up anything which interrupted my road to perfection.
I lied again, again and again.

Ugly and fat. Funny and laid back. Inward. Outward.

Thankfully, during the holidays, my brother heard the faucet run for a few minutes too long. Thankfully, I strategically put the laxatives on my bathroom counter so my mom could easily find them and wonder if her daughter was dealing with something more than just a “phase”. I mean she was still smiling right?

Spending a month in treatment turned dying into surviving. Spending a month in treatment taught me that it is acceptable to share the world in which you’ve painfully created for yourself.

Right now, I’m surviving. Yet, I continue to smile. I will always smile.

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else frustrated by nutritional info/food labels?? Other Aussies hear me outtt
/u/Jaaasss [5'3 | 105 | 19.1 | GW 98 | F19]
Created: Wed Feb 15 23:06:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ud4gz/anyone_else_frustrated_by_nutritional_infofood/
I'm here in Australia, and by george, our food labels are VASTLY different to what most of you have in the US, but both ways drive me up the walllllll.

The whole under 5 calories per serve = zero calorie thing is INSANE. This means companies can just make a serving tiny tiny TINY and then call it zero cal. Where is the accuracy?? I'm anxious just thinking about it??? We have zero "zero calorie" foods here in Australia, but a lot of that is to do with the fact we don't evEN USE CALORIES. EVERYTHING IS IN KILOJOULES. IT'S RIDCULOUS.

Every damn thing is in kJ not Kcal, making labels hard to understand. 420 kilojoules = 100 calories, so I have to do math like crazy in the supermarket, dividing everything by 4.2 to get the calories. Even more, it's marked as "energy" (well calories are energy, scientifically speaking) which essentially turns calories into these amazing energy giving products. Yes, I have actually seen donuts advertised as "High in Energy!" like it's a good thing.

Calorie is barely a thing here in Australia unless you're dieting (and even then people still use Kj). Kilojoules are seen as these scientific measuring numbers, and calories as horrible things that make you fat, like they are completely different things. It's a fkn miracle for all food companies, because they don't have to worry about the negative connotations that come from calorie content, as the loaded word "calorie", is completely removed from the equation. I honestly think rising obesity in Australia has SO MUCH to do with the fact CICO isn't even a thing because CALORIES are barely a thing. Yeah, McDonalds has the calorie content of their food shown, but what use is that when its in Kj??? 2456 kilojoules has literally no meaning to majority of the public.

Sorry this got a little ranty lol. But can't all food labelling just be consistent, readily available and accurate :(((((

[Discussion] Telling us to "just have one bite" is like telling an alcoholic/drug addict to just have one sip/hit.
Created: Wed Feb 15 23:05:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ud4ex/telling_us_to_just_have_one_bite_is_like_telling/

[Other] Something positive
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 22:48:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ud1r5/something_positive/
It's around 12:50 AM and I can't sleep because I fucked my back up. I'm browsing through here (this is my most visited site on my phone.) just wanted to say I am filled with love and gratitude for all of you guys. This is one place that I feel I can be 100% myself. Xoxoxo

[Discussion] DAE find higher restriction with a weekly fast easier than lower restriction?
Created: Wed Feb 15 21:33:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ucprr/dae_find_higher_restriction_with_a_weekly_fast/

[Help] So tired of binging
/u/tokkibun [5'8 | 110 | GW: 104 | NB-afab]
Created: Wed Feb 15 21:28:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ucp03/so_tired_of_binging/
The closer that I get to my goal weight, the more that I binge. It's turning into an every couple day thing. I'll binge, fast (or restrict to under 200cals), repeat. I hate it, even though I'm still losing. It just makes me feel so out of control and helpless. I know many of y'all struggle with similar binging patterns, what has helped you get out of this cycle recently or in the past?? I'm just feel so trapped

Favorite restrictive diet?
Created: Wed Feb 15 21:03:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uckru/favorite_restrictive_diet/

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] I was going to post this on Tumblr because it fits better there, but I don't want to worry anyone. I think you'll all relate.
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Wed Feb 15 20:47:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uchzc/i_was_going_to_post_this_on_tumblr_because_it/

[Rant/Rave] Ugh
/u/-Never_Mind- [5'2'' | 102 | 19.02 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 20:46:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uchwa/ugh/
I can't stop the cycle of eating and then hating myself afterwards for having no self control when I just can't stop eating. I can't seem to get myself back under control. If I could, I would toss all the food in my house out. But I can't. I'm a mom, and I don't want to f*ck my kids up with my issues. But I'm seriously losing my mind with the amount of food I see on a daily basis or how many times I get asked about food or having to make or plan meals. My world revolves around food.

*Sorry I'm on mobile and can't flair

[Discussion] how to stay under 600 cals when traveling? (and hopefully avoid suspicion too)
/u/blackcoffeegreentea [5'9" | 145 | 21.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 20:45:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uchmf/how_to_stay_under_600_cals_when_traveling_and/

[Discussion] Calorie Limits vs. Disordered Thinking
/u/shiver23 [5'5.5 | CW: 135 lbs l UGW: 120><105 lbs l -15 lbs | 25F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 20:21:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ucd4y/calorie_limits_vs_disordered_thinking/
Hey lovely people!

Is it just me, or when you're restricting do you feel like a failure when you go over your set calorie limit?

(500, 700, 1000, etc)

My TDEE is 1398 (*Sedentary - I don't like to calculate it based on exercise, because let's be real, I hate exercise & I'm not consistent with it*).

My ideal calorie range is now 400 - 700 calories. It started at 700 - 1000 but I found it too easy to just binge and land just below or *shudder* above my TDEE.

Today I had 710 calories and I am STILL beating myself up for it (even though I had 670 net total).

I feel so in control with my restriction, but it is thoughts like this that make me realize this is just another thing in my list of things "wrong" with me.

At least I'm getting skinny and feeling good! :D

Edit: Formatting Nazi.

[Discussion] Deep dark fears
Created: Wed Feb 15 20:14:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ucbuc/deep_dark_fears/
My ed makes me so self conscious of my size that sometimes I get irrational fears related to it.

One of the ones that kills me the most is thinking what if my boyfriend isn't actually attracted to me... I'm quite overweight and sometimes I'm afraid that when he scrolls through Instagram or something similar and there are pictures of thin, beautiful girls that he thinks "wow I wish she was pretty like this". It's irrational and I know better. But I hate myself so much that I can't help thinking it's a possibility. DAE?

Mobile, can't flair

[Discussion] Anyone else planning a wedding?
/u/dontcareifithurts__ [5'4.5 | 114.4 | - 6.8 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 20:04:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uc9zo/anyone_else_planning_a_wedding/
Just curious, any fellow brides-to-be here?

My wedding is in October and I have my first dress fitting since I ordered it 4 months ago, next month.

The last time I went to the store, I was ordering a bridesmaid's dress for my friend's wedding that's also this year, and the woman who measured me told me I had gone up half an inch in my waist size since I ordered my wedding dress, and to "be careful".

Things like that combined with knowing I'm going to be photographed from all angles by so many people TERRIFY me. I have no control over who is going to take an unflattering photo of me. Just seeing the pictures my mom took of me while trying on gowns was enough to make me never want to eat again.

Also how terrible is bridal sizing? Take your regular size and add a size or two, because you know... let's make you feel bad about yourself on the happiest day of your life.

[Rant/Rave] I fainted getting out of the shower today
Created: Wed Feb 15 19:58:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uc8v8/i_fainted_getting_out_of_the_shower_today/
What the fuck. Morning of day 3 of alice diet, my bmi is like 20 so ive got fat to spare. I felt dizzy during my shower so i was sitting down. Anyway, getting out of the shower its like BAM on the floor cold no towel. My worst nightmare. What if i cracked my head open??? They would find my body. Naked.
So like, ive fasted for longer than this diet before at an underweight bmi... without getting sick or feeling faint. Why'd i pass out today??? Ugh i ate 350 cals to ensure id be able to not faint during work but im still staying on the diet i guess.

[Discussion] DAE feel too old to have their disorder
Created: Wed Feb 15 19:26:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uc358/dae_feel_too_old_to_have_their_disorder/
also i feel like I should just stop staying in this ditch and just go out and work out like normal people and be all healthy. but the thing is, I like staying in this ditch?? I dunno how to explain it except maybe I'm just victim-minded. shrug.

[Other] Petty thoughts about other women you work with/go to school with
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 19:21:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uc22s/petty_thoughts_about_other_women_you_work_withgo/
What I'm talking about is seeing someone you either see on a daily basis and/or loathe gaining a considerable amount of weight.

Does anyone else have really petty thoughts about certain people, hoping they just gain more weight so you feel superior?

There's this girl I work with, she's awful. She cheated her way into a management position by pretending she is a hard worker, and even had our admin help her win a fucking paid trip to Florida on the expense of our company. Barely anyone at work likes her because she treats anyone with questions like shit (gives them attitude without provocation or just refuses to help even if the employee is new)

She's recently gained so much weight that people are starting to talk. Her gut is just too big for her clothes anymore and she dresses like she did when she started (she was on the low end of normal and is now rapidly reaching the point of obesity and is not pregnant).

Honestly because I'm such trash I'm fucking ecstatic that she's gaining so much and I'm losing. I've always felt competitive with this chick because she was always trying to outshine me with productivity and get a bigger bonus (which happened maybe twice in a year and a half, she just wasn't that great).

Please tell me I'm not the only one who gets happy when certain people gain a gross amount of weight. Lmao I hate myself.

[Rant/Rave] Misleading food labels are terrible!
Created: Wed Feb 15 19:19:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uc1t2/misleading_food_labels_are_terrible/

[Discussion] DAE get rude comments from friends/family who know about your ED?
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" | 200 lbs | 29.5 | 30 lbs| Male]
Created: Wed Feb 15 19:17:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uc1fr/dae_get_rude_comments_from_friendsfamily_who_know/
A few of my close friends know about my ED, and most of them are supportive. However my best friend has a habit of saying some things that can really hurt when I try to talk to him about stuff.

I mentioned that my husband and I were planning on visiting soon (he lives in northern california, my hometown, and we live in southern california) and I said that I was nervous about visiting because my hometown has a lot of great foods, and I know I'm going to eat a ton, and it's giving me awful anxiety.

His response?

"You're being weak, just eat."


[Tip] Just a shoutout to strawberries
/u/artgonaut [5'1 | 104.4 | 19.9 | +25 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 19:09:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uc01g/just_a_shoutout_to_strawberries/
I live in the US, so it's finally getting around to that time of year when strawberries are cheap and taste good again! And today they are pretty much the reason why I stayed under my TDEE — not only are strawberries legitimately *delicious*, but they are ridiculously low-calorie. I currently have 1 pound (0.5 kg) worth of strawberries sitting in my stomach, and it cost me just 150 cal of my daily total.

One entire pound??? 150 calories??? *Actual food*???? I had to cross-reference the numbers to make sure it was accurate. Fruit is deceiving sometimes.

I'm sure you guys are already well-aware, but just be sure to check out your grocery ads, and see which ones are offering some deals on this wholesomeness — I got 1 lb for $0.88 :)

I think I'll eat strawberries just all day.

[Intro] he broke up with me.
Created: Wed Feb 15 19:01:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ubykg/he_broke_up_with_me/

[Rant/Rave] [Accountability] Bingeing is so tempting at maintenance
Created: Wed Feb 15 18:46:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ubvmb/accountability_bingeing_is_so_tempting_at/

[Other] "In Clothes Called Fat" - manga about eating disorder (NSFW)
Created: Wed Feb 15 18:14:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ubpnv/in_clothes_called_fat_manga_about_eating_disorder/
I was searching around for manga about eating disorders a couple days ago, and came across "In Clothes Called Fat". It's a pretty gruesome read, but if you like manga and have an ED, maybe you'll be able to relate. I couldn't find any links to it online so I took photos of the first chapter.


[Rant/Rave] I miss doing yoga but feel too fat to start
/u/diet247x [5'3 | BMI: 23.0 | -20 lbs | GW: 90 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 17:48:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ubkpj/i_miss_doing_yoga_but_feel_too_fat_to_start/
I used to take all types of yoga classes when I was 15 lbs lighter. And I desperately want to take a hot yoga class that's offered in my building, but I'm really worried that I'll feel too uncomfortable being in class with other people.

It's depressing me because I used to love doing yoga with other people, that sense of collective calm did wonders for my anxiety. But now I'm stuck doing repetitive weight exercises alone in my room. Blah just needed to get this off my chest.

[Discussion] Cleanse suggestions?
Created: Wed Feb 15 17:45:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ubk69/cleanse_suggestions/

[Other] Zero calorie chocolate dip?
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 17:03:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ubbu0/zero_calorie_chocolate_dip/

[Rant/Rave] [rant][idk] i've been binging for four days
Created: Wed Feb 15 16:54:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uba5i/rantidk_ive_been_binging_for_four_days/

okay, this is actually a problem
/u/SkinnyByComparison [5'1" | CW104 |BMI 20.5|GW90|22F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 16:00:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uayw1/okay_this_is_actually_a_problem/

[Other] netted 38 calories today... and then I had a midnight snack.
/u/Lady_Anarchy [169cm | CW: 54kg | GW: 52kg | BMI: 18.94 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 15:58:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uaygz/netted_38_calories_today_and_then_i_had_a/

[Discussion] You can't say that I never gave you bitches anything. A 210 calorie CAKE. Prepare to have your world rocked.
Created: Wed Feb 15 15:38:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uauak/you_cant_say_that_i_never_gave_you_bitches/

[Help] So.... hot sauce calories per BOTTLE?
/u/neuro-fuzzy [5'6.3| CW: ~110 ☹ | BMI: ? | LW 98 | GW 108 | 20F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 14:09:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uaahd/so_hot_sauce_calories_per_bottle/
I'll admit it. I've gone through 1/4-1/3 of my bottle of Valentina salsa picante in 24 hours. I know & don't care about the sodium and potential gastrointestinal distress.

One 1 tbsp serving is 0 calories, but there are 73 (!) servings per bottle.

I've tried searching this online to no avail. Anyone have an idea of how many calories are in larger quantities of hot sauce?

[Intro] Introducing myself
/u/proededdandeddy [Height 5'5" | CW169 | BMI Cow | Weight Lost56 | Gender F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 13:47:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ua5gf/introducing_myself/
Long time lurker on my main account but I could never bring myself to post here with it. So this one's just for you guys and my need to reach out.

I'm going through a rough patch, well, a rough couple of years I should say. Weight has been an issue my entire life. The only time in my time I wasn't overweight or obese was when I was a child. I've had some success with ketoing but it never got me close to even being normal.

What has ultimately brought me to this point in my life was an emotionally abusive relationship. He put so much pressure on me to lose weight. He was A OK with me starving myself, he'd encourage it. He'd shame me for eating at all, even take food away from me. He encouraged me to purge as well, despite the fact it takes monumental effort for me to be able to throw up. Seriously the only time in about a decade I've been able to was when I had food poisoning.

And now here I am today so emotionally distraught I can't bring myself to eat anything at all, not even water. The thought of consuming anything makes my stomach turn. I went through about 3 weeks of this when we broke up a few months ago. Why did we break up? I caught him attempting to cheat on me so he kicked me out of his house. Recently we've been trying to fix the relationship and he said he really wanted it to work. But then I found out he's been fucking this girl that honestly looks like she has down syndrome that he found on Craigslist. He's even been having threesomes with her and another guy in our bed. So fucking disgusted. I want to die. I'm not skinny enough yet to kill myself with starvation. My consolation prize will be losing some more fat. I haven't had more than 10oz of coffee since Monday.

So that's my introduction. Hi.

Warning signs and symptoms of eating disorders
Created: Wed Feb 15 13:35:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ua2t7/warning_signs_and_symptoms_of_eating_disorders/

[Tip] Tiny forks + tiny knives = Tiny you
/u/haveanicedaytoo [5'7 | 127 | 19.8 | GW: 118 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 13:03:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u9vm9/tiny_forks_tiny_knives_tiny_you/
I always say eeeeaaatttt slooooweerrr so that the food lasts longer and you feel fuller when you're done and an easy way to do that is to use small cutlery, like a dessert fork or even those tiny kits meant for children or babies. With small utensils, you can't help but take little bites or little spoonfuls. And you can have fun with it, go buy yourself something pretty and fancy or just buy the cheapest thing you find at the nearest big box store or a set with Hello Kitty on it or just borrow one from your family's silverware set. No one ever uses those little forks anyway, and the size of the knife doesn't really matter and you can use a teaspoon for your soup.

It usually takes me 5-10 minutes longer than everyone else when we eat together and those 5-10 minutes can be the difference of your stomach realizing it's full or no realizing and keep going FEED ME MORE!!!

Thought I would share :) hope it helps someone!

[Other] I'm slowly telling the truth about my ED to people IRL and I don't know whether to feel scared or relieved.
/u/GingerrWithASoul [5'6 | 126.4 | 20.48 | Female]
Created: Wed Feb 15 12:44:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u9rck/im_slowly_telling_the_truth_about_my_ed_to_people/
I started being honest with a couple of people I know who have also struggled with EDs, including one friend who's in recovery. It started as a way of preventing myself from purging after a binge by telling on myself to one of those people so that they could help me remember that ourging isn't worth it.

And now it's like I give zero fucks about who knows that my ED is spiralling out of control. The usual comments from acquaintances about my eating ("come on, have some cake, as if you have to worry!" or "I don't know how you eat so much but never gain weight") become so easy to deal with when I just tell them the truth. People don't know how to react to the truth but I'm so sick of pretending that it's easy. I'm so sick of pretending that I'm okay when I'm dying inside.

I don't know what this means for me or my ED. I'm not ready to recover but I'm also not willing to sacrifice myself by lying about it anymore. I haven't broadcasted it to the world or anything but the freedom I feel from being honest every now and then almost makes me reconsider my behaviour. I benefit from my ED in some really important ways but it is also tearing me apart. It's almost like I'm reclaiming the control my ED has over me and taking away some of it's power to make me hate myself.

[Tip] hunger vs food fixation
/u/pungentthrowaway [5'1.5" large and in charge (of nothing)]
Created: Wed Feb 15 11:58:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u9gj7/hunger_vs_food_fixation/
So, like a lot of you I'm sure, I'm obsessed with food. I think about it all the time. I can almost picture every item of food in my kitchen on the shelves and am constantly thinking of new ways I can combine these items to make delicious food. This usually leads me to take stimulants all day to get rid of the hunger feeling all together and then binge most nights because once I start eating it's like I've let a lion out of the cage.

So anyway, I've found that there are food-related activities that get out some of that food-obsessive energy that are not actually eating food. This may not be helpful for everyone but it's been super helpful for me. If my thoughts get particularly obsessive to the point I'd usually eat something I'll do something food related instead. Examples

- Wash/organize dishes

- Clean/organize fridge/freezer

- Meal prep healthy stuff (this one helps me a ton because I can devote some of that energy on coming up with interesting stuff to make too, and then the actual food prep is majorly helpful)

- Cooking in general. This one does involve eating but like, take a long time to really make yourself a nice low cal meal. Sautee some veggies or make a brothy soup with shirataki noodles. Don't rush it. Enjoy handling the food before you eat it.

- Shopping for food, or window shopping online. Just window shopping on sites like luckyvitamin you'll find a lot of low cal food you hadn't even heard of before.

- Get a ton of beverages. Teas, diet sodas, seltzers, juices. Make yourself mocktails. Flavored seltzer with lime juice and a splash of diet cranberry is wonderful.

[Rant/Rave] CRAP
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 11:48:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u9e71/crap/
I posted yesterday about my boyfriend changing plans so my binge day this weekend is cancelled.
Welllll, to make up for it he got my some Krispy Kreme donuts. A dozen donuts. Yes, he literally gave me one dozen donuts. And I have already eaten half of them ugggh I'm never going to make it to my goal.

[Rant/Rave] My MIL just bought me a size zero pant
/u/hawaiianhaole01 [5'6 | 127.2 | 20.5 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 11:45:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u9dg1/my_mil_just_bought_me_a_size_zero_pant/
She said she took a guess and got me a size zero because I'm so tiny. Said it was either a 0, 1 or 2.

Jokes on her, my fat ass (literally, that's where all of my weight is) is a 6! I couldn't believe she thought I was that small. At least I have motivation to lose more:)

[Other] I've made an unsettling discovery
/u/englace [172cm | 112lbs | 17.0 | -35.4lbs | Female]
Created: Wed Feb 15 10:56:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u91x9/ive_made_an_unsettling_discovery/
...Dying feels really good. This weekend some very unfortunate circumstances came about that ended with me well, um, dying. I oded accidentally on opiates, and died unconscious in my girlfriend's (and some paramedics) arms. And all I recall is doing another line, laying down in her lap, and feeling better than I've ever felt before, then waking up with an iv in my arm and paramedics surrounding me. I was legally dead for three minutes, in their words, and despite being on a very uncertain path to recovery i can't shake the feeling : dying is cheap, easy, and feels amazing. I feel awful about doing that to her and to the people around me, but... I've spent most of my life suicidal. I cant imagine doing this to the people I care about, but now I know how easy it is...

I don't know, this is mostly a rant - I'm on mobile and can't tag, sorry. Christ though, things are tempting when they seem so easy.

[Intro] The Target fitting room mirror: a study in self loathing
Created: Wed Feb 15 10:24:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u8ucp/the_target_fitting_room_mirror_a_study_in_self/
Howdy y'all. Used to not be huge. Now i'm huge. I used to be able to lie on my side knees together, even knees crossed (one in front of the other) and my thighs were inches apart/never touched. Could sit on my bed with thighs spread out and still they couldn't touch. (That Post about body checks got me thinking about that) You know how it goes. Gained a good amount of weight from those days but was still thin through the years, with some back and forth pounds here and there. Recent years i slowly gained and gained, then medication had my gain 20 lbs in a month from my already highest weight. For the first time in my life i have fat on my ribs and even my back. I haven't dropped the pounds despite stopping the meds months ago. Tried losing it in "healthier" ways. Might be actually getting even fatter. I haven't been on a scale in forever. I need to snap out of it. I dont know what it's going to take for me to get my shit back in gear. I swear the more times i do something the harder it gets, despite logic suggesting it should be otherwise. Sorry for the ramble. Thanks for existing, I've been reading for a while, y'all are lovely.

[Help] I could really use some encouragement right now.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 10:05:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u8pxt/i_could_really_use_some_encouragement_right_now/
I have been really bored and depressed lately, and, despite my appetite being manageable now that I found a medication schedule that works, I just want to constantly eat because I crave feeling good. Right now I'm aiming simply to end under maintenance. So it's not like I'm doing anything crazy. So yeah. Any encouraging, reassuring words would really help right now.

[Rant/Rave] Visiting Family feat. panic & guilt
Created: Wed Feb 15 09:48:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u8lpp/visiting_family_feat_panic_guilt/

[Discussion] dae have safe clothes??
Created: Wed Feb 15 08:54:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u87j7/dae_have_safe_clothes/

[Discussion] Is anyone else obsessed with food documentaries? [DISCUSSION]
/u/crybabybulimic [5'4" | 🙃 | -7 | GW: 100lbs |]
Created: Wed Feb 15 08:46:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u85v3/is_anyone_else_obsessed_with_food_documentaries/
I've exhausted all the ones available on Netflix, and watched all *Supersize vs. Superskinny* episodes I could find on YouTube.

I find documentaries about eating behaviours of obese people particularly interesting - subconscious reverse thinspo, maybe.

[Other] ADHD meds (will flair when i get home)
/u/moggettt [5'5 | 108 | 18.0 | NB]
Created: Wed Feb 15 07:28:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u7o6a/adhd_meds_will_flair_when_i_get_home/
hi I just want to ask about your experiences with ADHD meds? both as actual ADHD treatment and for appetite suppressant/weight loss purposes. I was on concerta, which was moderately helpful for my ADHD but had little effect on my appetite. soon I'll be starting either Vyvanse or Adderall (depending on insurance) and I've heard really promising things about both. so just wanting to get you guys' opinions on how helpful they are

[Goal] Valentine's Day was a success!
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 07:24:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u7n6x/valentines_day_was_a_success/
Yay! We watched an awesome movie, got drunk as shit at the movies, and I let myself have movie theater artery clogging delicious popcorn for the first time in a very long time. And I'm not freaking out. I'm not going to binge today. I'm going back to my normal meal plan AND I'm at 93lbs now! I'm not updating my flair cause I'm trying to maintain I guess...but I'm scared of gaining. Either way. I hope yall have a lovely day and take care of yourselves lovelies (:

[Rant/Rave] (Rant) the ungrateful horrible human that is I
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 07:12:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u7km2/rant_the_ungrateful_horrible_human_that_is_i/
Valentine's Day (Along with any holiday) is honestly the worst.

I got sushi which was heavy in calorie but better than other options my SO had though about.

However when it came time for presents I opened up a big package from crunchyroll (an Anime website) I honestly thought it was going to be a stuffed animal or a book or something...
But no it was hello kitty candy and other candy. Which to be fair we had just been to the Asian market and I talked about how I wanted to try it all.

He said "I'm sorry you didn't like it"

I said I didn't say that but he said I didn't have to he knew.

It's just... So much food. I even asked if we could not do a lot of chocolate this year and he said of course (when I reminded him he joked that the candy wasn't chocolate).

what's even worse is all the nutrition information on the package isn't in English so I literally have no clue what or how much is in everything. This will either lead to a huge binge or me not eating it and feeling guilty.

Presents are hard. I feel not worth anything he gives me... And the only thing he know I won't freak out over cause of price is candy (which I then freak out over cause it's candy 😅).

I just feel like an ungrateful bitch.

He deserves someone who can be truly happy over the thoughtful gifts. Who can go to dinner without freaking out.

[Rant/Rave] Just stop me. Or don't.
Created: Wed Feb 15 07:02:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u7iab/just_stop_me_or_dont/

[Rant/Rave] Just smile and nod
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 155.9 | -41lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Wed Feb 15 06:43:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u7etp/just_smile_and_nod/
(Rant/rave) Last night at dinner my boyfriend and I were talking about weight loss and he was like isn't it amazing how you just decided that you were going to lose some weight and did it? I can't believe you just lost so much, don't you feel amazing? Why can't everyone do that?

As I'm dying internally because if he knew that I hardly ate over 1000 calories for the last month (barely over 600 most days) and a half but he has no concept of calories.

I'm scared of the other shoe dropping and him realizing I'm restricting because then I'm in for a world of hell. Hopefully that doesn't happen for another 60lbs. He has no concept of weight either so hopefully he won't realize how much I'm weighing.

Also proud because they brought me the dessert menu and it's the Cheesecake Factory (not actually where we intended on going, long story, but it was terrifying having to be *spontaneous* and completely ruin my long planned out meal at the other restaurant. Anyway they brought me the menu and I was intent on getting a Reese's Cheesecake and then decided I definitely shouldn't, even though I fasted all day before dinner! I've never ever received a dessert menu and then refused!

I'll get around to introducing myself eventually :) Hope you guys had a nice valentines!

[Other] Fitbit Friends - Let's Challenge Each Other!
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 05:46:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u74ux/fitbit_friends_lets_challenge_each_other/
I got back into using my Fitbit and I thought that it would be super awesome to link up with some of you and add you on Fitbit! We can do some of the challenges Fitbit allows and kinda compete and motivate each other. We can also iMessage or discord message or whatever works! If you're interested, upvote (so others can see!) and then PM me your email that your Fitbit is under so I can add you!

[Tip] The Squat Challenge - Updated Downloads
Created: Wed Feb 15 05:40:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u73yp/the_squat_challenge_updated_downloads/

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday February 15, 2017
Created: Wed Feb 15 05:09:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u6zgl/way_to_go_wednesday_february_15_2017/

This is the weekly achievement thread for February 15, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 15, 2017
Created: Wed Feb 15 05:08:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u6zg4/daily_food_diary_february_15_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for February 15, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Help] [Help] I'm so fucking tired
Created: Wed Feb 15 03:28:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u6ncw/help_im_so_fucking_tired/

[Help] [Help] I'm do fucking tired
Created: Wed Feb 15 03:13:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u6lp5/help_im_do_fucking_tired/

I'm so fucking tired
Created: Wed Feb 15 03:07:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u6ky4/im_so_fucking_tired/

I'm so fucking tired
Created: Wed Feb 15 01:43:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u6b9t/im_so_fucking_tired/

[Discussion] Go-to drinks at Starbucks?
/u/babylemonadexx [5'7" 🌈 | 110 🍦| 16.7 🍟 | F 🌸]
Created: Wed Feb 15 01:05:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u674d/goto_drinks_at_starbucks/
So I'm a bit of a novice when it comes to coffee, but I really want to get into it because I need the caffeine fix tbh. What are everyone's favourite safe drinks from Starbucks? (i.e. 50 cals and under)

[Rant/Rave] I can't deal with myself
Created: Wed Feb 15 00:19:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u61rt/i_cant_deal_with_myself/
I am already really sorry for this post in advance. Maybe all of it is not ED related, but this is the most supportive group that I have come up onto and I really just need to let it all out because it feels like I am suffocating. Using a throwaway, because obvious reasons.

I am not diagnosed officially with an ED, but I have had a really unhealthy binge/restrict relationship with food for over ten years now. And I feel like lately it is becoming more and more out of control. And together with the food relationships, everything else in my life of falling apart.

I have been on a binge for the last five days. Yesterday was good-ish, but still not as good as I was planning, because I was in a place where I just couldn't avoid eating. I feel like crap. Just want to fast, but today already I had a piece of candy.

It is 9am and I am sitting here and having post drinking blues. All I want is to drink more.

My SO is away from the country until the weekend. We have been together for over six years and I love him so much. He is a person that is so much better than me and has carried me through so many hard times. He supports everything that I do.

This year I have cheated on him four times already. Three times with a friend of mine and last night with a stranger that I picked up from the bar. I don't know why I am doing this. We have been doing long distance thing for the last four years and never before I have felt the need to cheat. I can't look him in the eye anymore.

He is the best person in the whole world and he deserves so much better. He has explicitly said to me that the only deal breaker would be me cheating on him because he is a jealous person. And here I am - just slept with some random dude, who I thought was the hottest one in the bar yesterday.

I have also been dropping weight consistently since beginning of last December and have lost around 10 lbs by now. I still think that I need to lose at least 15 more to be fully happy with how I feel. I am 5'7'' and sitting at 135. I feel hotter with every day that I don't eat enough. But I also feel that I am becoming more and more narcissistic and vain. I was planning to get someone for my friend last night who was feeling very undesirable and unhappy, but I ended up just hooking up myself and leaving her with some acquaintances. Furthermore she told me that whenever I talk with someone, it just feels like I am trying to get with them. I love flirting. I love attention that I am getting. I love getting human contact and physical contact. I want to feel like I am the most desirable woman around. I am one of those "I don't really get along with girls" people. And it is fair enough, because I will probably sleep with their boyfriends or husbands. Before I was in the relationship with my SO it was completely fair game to hook up with people in relationships. It was more of a challenge and I almost got off from the power to get them to cheat.

Also I have been drinking pretty much every day for two months now. I was on this alcoholic streak before I got with my SO and he helped me get out of it, but I am falling back into it. I am going through booze like there is no tomorrow. Pretty much feeling like I can't relax without booze anymore.

I'll drink until late into night and then wake up early to go to the gym to run. This is not a lifestyle that is sustainable. I know it. And I am afraid that I have already done enough to lose my SO. This terrifies me the most.

I have tried to talk to a therapist about this, but I am a pathological liar. I just can't help but paint a really nice picture to the people around me.

I don't think that anyone can really help. I guess that I just wanted to say this out loud. I am really not ok at the moment and I am so tired of pretending that I am.

That is all. Sorry.

[Other] Counting other people's calories
Created: Tue Feb 14 23:25:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u5usf/counting_other_peoples_calories/

[Tip] Low calorie great easy meal
/u/FreddyTeddyIsCool [175cm| 75kg | F20]
Created: Tue Feb 14 22:36:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u5nqt/low_calorie_great_easy_meal/
(This post is only really relevant to Australians, sorry)
Recently I've been working a lot so I haven't had time after a long day to make myself and healthy low calorie meal. Low and behold 'Woolworths Chicken and Vegetable Soup, 300g'. It's so good, fills you up and is low in calories (152 calories). Probably going to have one this evening after I finish the gym.
I highly recommend to any Aussies out there!
I hope you all have a lovely day.

[Rant/Rave] I have trouble finding safe food because the majority of what normal people consider 'healthy' seems insane.
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Tue Feb 14 22:01:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u5idx/i_have_trouble_finding_safe_food_because_the/
Me: *sees a clickbait article about "Healthy Dinners That'll Make You Feel Great!"* Oh this might be good *click* wait a second. Something doesn't seem right here. *puts recipe for hoagie in MFP, it's 1,000 fucking calories* ?!?!

Me: *goes on Etsy and sees a listing for a 'keto, grain-free, gluten-free, sugar-free big cookie* Yes. *clicks on page* 600 calories for one. No.

"These taste so good you will never realize you are eating so healthy!" - actual quote from the cookie page.

[Rant/Rave] Accidental Buffet Disaster
/u/MechanicClemency [5'4" |CW118 lb // GW 110lb | 20.83| 11 lb| Female]
Created: Tue Feb 14 21:50:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u5gjc/accidental_buffet_disaster/
Earlier this evening I took two of my best friends out to dinner since they're really bummed out about being alone on Valentine's Day. There's this really dope Indian food place near where we work and so we go there. I mean this place is AUTHENTIC. The whole family who owns the restaurant works there. Well, I'm an idiot and forget Tuesday's are Buffet night and that means no menu items, just flat buffet rate. Naturally, at $15 per person, I automatically go into starving college kid mode to "get my money's worth" and just start eating fucking everything. Then my friends made sure I couldn't go home right away to purge everything so it was like 2 hours before I could get home. I'm really upset and I feel like a fat cow.

[Rant/Rave] I think my eating disorder is ruining my relationship
Created: Tue Feb 14 21:44:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u5fn8/i_think_my_eating_disorder_is_ruining_my/

[Rant/Rave] I'm scared that I'm going to die.
/u/HufflePuffPrid3 [4'11 | 84 | 17 | -19 | F ]
Created: Tue Feb 14 21:37:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u5eiw/im_scared_that_im_going_to_die/
I'm not super thin- my bmi isn't too low (17).

But you hear about people with EDs dying from heart and other health problems.

I know no one here can tell me whether or not I am in dangerous territory. I'm just scared.

I guess I don't want to die- I just like being thin and small.

What is wrong with me?

[Intro] Too fat to be skinny
Created: Tue Feb 14 21:33:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u5dti/too_fat_to_be_skinny/
It's 4:30am and i've been laying next to my sleeping boyfriend almost in tears about my body. We had chinese on Valentines night and i was so disgusted with myself i purged for the first time in years. I knew it was coming, i've gained 20lbs in 6 months and have been feeling more and more helpless. It's like at first it wasn't too bad and then all of a sudden i can feel my fat wobble when i walk. I'm too bloated to even suck my stomach in. So, i purged. And i liked it. I felt a little better. For reference i'm 159lbs and 5"7/8 but i carry all my weight on my stomach, hips, thighs and bum. Planning to restrict tomorrow to 300cals and a 5 mile walk plus some yoga and do this 4 times a week. Here starts the long road. I just want to be perfect :( Rant over.

[Rant/Rave] at least there's a positive side to not getting anything for vday
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 139 | GW: 90 | F/18]
Created: Tue Feb 14 21:28:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u5d1x/at_least_theres_a_positive_side_to_not_getting/

[Other] The bittersweet truth about clothes no longer fitting
/u/missfire26 [5'7" | GW110 | -45 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 19:39:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u4uot/the_bittersweet_truth_about_clothes_no_longer/
It means I've lost weight and look noticeably better...But it also makes me realize that I USED to fit in that. Considering I still feel huge and disgusting, I can't even imagine how people used to see me before the weight loss or how I let myself be seen like that.

Anybody else feel similarly disgusted every time they go down a size?

[Rant/Rave] "Why do you always feed me?" [Rant]
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 144.8 | 20.6 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 19:05:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u4okx/why_do_you_always_feed_me_rant/
My SO just got mad at me because I always try to feed him... I got a plate of strawberries from the dining hall and brought them to his room, seriously who doesn't like strawberries?! I thought I was doing something nice since we're both busy with homework on Valentine's day. And he got mad and said it was weird that I always did this and asked why I feel "entitled to feed him" and why I get sad when he declines food.

I'm sorry that I need to do shit like this to deflect from the fact that I'm not actually eating anything myself! I'm sorry that my fucked up ED brain associates lack of food with self-hate and food with love and security! I'm sorry that I'm irrationally terrified that you'll be smaller than me (we're the same height) and want to feed you to prevent that! I'm sorry that you didn't want any fucking strawberries and I didn't want to eat them myself!

Thanks in advance for listening to my rant. Happy Valentine's Day and congrats to those who managed to get through it without a food related fight.

[Help] How do you get out of a "cycle"? [help]
Created: Tue Feb 14 18:48:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u4lmx/how_do_you_get_out_of_a_cycle_help/
I've been straight up binging and purging for the past month and i'm about to lose my shit. Every single night, i convince myself that tomorrow will be better, but that hasn't come true in thirty days. I obviously can't control myself around food these days, so do you think fasting would be beneficial? Just to sort of cleanse myself from the thought of eating?

What do you guys personally do when you feel stuck like this? I feel so helpless and useless.

[Other] BINGE- The Blind Girl- A prequel
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | 104 | 19.0 | Ugw: 85 |19f]
Created: Tue Feb 14 18:33:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u4j22/binge_the_blind_girl_a_prequel/

[Discussion] DAE have binging episodes right before a major weight goal?
Created: Tue Feb 14 17:22:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u45yk/dae_have_binging_episodes_right_before_a_major/

[Discussion] Trusting BMR?
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW110 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 17:00:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u41bu/trusting_bmr/
So even though I'm still in a healthy weight range, I'm starting to feel the effects of only eating ~700 calories a day. I can't sleep anymore, constantly exhausted and in a bad mood. I'm trying to eat at my BMR for 2 days a week now to try and help a little, but I'm freaking out that it's way too much food. I'm not really certain what my weight is because I don't have access to a scale, but I'm fairly certain it's between 110-115lbs, which puts my BMR at 1300-1350 which seems high. I was wondering if anyone knew of any super accurate calculators? Thanks!

[Discussion] Valentines Day with my ED
Created: Tue Feb 14 16:39:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3xau/valentines_day_with_my_ed/
You know... for us folks who are in a relationship with food/exercise/body/losing weight - what did you all do?

Me? I cycled 90 miles on coffee, went to the cinema and ate a ton of chocolate.

[Rant/Rave] I binged over 3000kcal today. I hate myself and I don't know how to stop.
/u/OperatingOnScientist [5'3 | 128.6lbs | 23.41 | F | UGW 100lbs]
Created: Tue Feb 14 16:37:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3x1p/i_binged_over_3000kcal_today_i_hate_myself_and_i/
I keep binging and I feel like crying, I am so bloated and fat and disgusting and I don't know why I keep doing this. I hate myself for it so much and I can't understand why I can't stop myself.

[Rant/Rave] Failure seems to be hardwired into my DNA [Rant]
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 108.6 | 19.9 | -7 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Feb 14 16:35:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3wiw/failure_seems_to_be_hardwired_into_my_dna_rant/

[Rant/Rave] "You're gonna lose that girlish figure"
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 16:35:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3wge/youre_gonna_lose_that_girlish_figure/
Lol fuck me I'm at work and we had a v-day potluck.
I got up to get a broken piece of a snickerdoodle cookie my boss's kid made. Fucking piece probably isn't more than 60cals.

This jerk-off old fuck walks by me and tells me that I'm gonna lose my girlish figure for grabbing that piece of cookie.

I'm 5"9' and 104lbs lol bite me.

Anyways, I guess I won't be eating that cookie until later when I can b/p it.

Happy Valentine's Day.

[Rant/Rave] I feel like shit
/u/Lady_Anarchy [169cm | CW: 54kg | GW: 52kg | BMI: 18.94 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 15:59:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3pak/i_feel_like_shit/
I've been ill recently. time during which I barely ate. and yet, that made me gain even more.

I can't bear this anymore. I really can't. it's like no matter what I do, it's just never enough.

I consumed under 500 cals today. netted under 200 in fact. but it doesn't feel like success. it feels like I'm not nearly the way I'm meant to look.

I'm a human fucking garbage can. I feel sick. I hate this. so, so much.

worst of all, no amount of success in other areas of life softens this feeling. I try not to care, I try to tell myself it's just a body, it's just food (and no one notices ever anyway) but I just don't buy it.

and yet I'm not even strong enough (mentally and emotionally) to get destructive over it. other times, I'd properly pull myself together at times like this. but now I feel like I'm a dissatisfied brain, trapped inside a revolting, uncontrollable body, that has given up on everything. not enough passion to change, but the disgust only ever grows.

my god, I really feel like shit.

[Help] trying to find something
Created: Tue Feb 14 15:46:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3mgd/trying_to_find_something/

[Rant/Rave] I've been eating all the chocolates/cupcakes and IDGAF
Created: Tue Feb 14 15:36:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3kfw/ive_been_eating_all_the_chocolatescupcakes_and/
Seriously, I've had 1 cupcake, 3 cake pops, 2 small purple cookies, 3 chocolates, 1 reeces, some chips, velveta, 2 slices bacon, and I'm about to eat some soup.

Like I really don't GAF right now. Probably bc I'm pissed off about tomrrow.

[Help] How to handle Valentine's Day and caloric restriction?
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 108.6 | 19.9 | -7 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Feb 14 15:13:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3fhx/how_to_handle_valentines_day_and_caloric/
wonder if I could get your opinion on something. My husband and I tend to celebrate Valentine's Day on the 15th due to the fact that nobody's going out to eat that day so the restaurants will be less crowded. Not to mention the half-price chocolates.

I've been eating an average of about 400 calories a day for the last 4 days. 46 more to go. I'm really tempted to eat at maintenance or just below it tomorrow so I can splurge on some of those chocolates. Would this be a bad idea? Do you think it would end up turning into a binge if I so much as looked at chocolate? I don't normally binge but right now I really can see myself eating 2000 calories of chocolate and probably another 800 calories in sushi over the course of the day. Do I give myself a little more freedom and pray I don't go overboard?

Tomorrow my diet plan states that I'm only to eat a hundred calories. That pretty much cancels the idea of dinner altogether. I don't want my husband to suffer just because I have an eating disorder. He loves eating out with me. Whenever I'm not in one of my restricting phases we go out to eat twice a week.

[Discussion] This is gonna sound weird, but has anyone ever been food dominated?
/u/WorstCunt [donkey brain]
Created: Tue Feb 14 14:40:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3850/this_is_gonna_sound_weird_but_has_anyone_ever/
Okay so I am in a Dom/sub relationship. He knows all about my ED and is super supportive. Recently I was considering letting him food dom me (it's a thing, like financial domination) but idk if it would really work. I am totally submissive to him but idk if this is a step too far for me?

It would be really great if someone else telling me 'no you cannot eat that, or yes have to eat that' would stop me from getting out of control. I just can't trust myself or my opinion about anything! When I'm with him it's like I'm fine. I eat normally and don't really snack at all. Whenever I cook for us he praises how perfect the ratios are. But when I'm alone I'm such a mess and get so lost in my own thoughts.

I just wanna know if anyone has done it to any success??

[Other] You know you're sick when even Tumblr is like, "Girl, you a'ight???"
Created: Tue Feb 14 14:01:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u2zeq/you_know_youre_sick_when_even_tumblr_is_like_girl/

[Rant/Rave] TFW you've already ate almost all your planned calories for the day and it's barely 2:00 pm for you
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 108lb | UGW 98lb |F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 13:32:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u2t0t/tfw_youve_already_ate_almost_all_your_planned/
Now I'm going to chug down coffee until dinner time because my self control was non existent this morning 😭 why must I do this? Sigh

(On Mobil, please flair as rant/rave)

[Discussion] Which body check is your ultimate indicator? [Discussion]
Created: Tue Feb 14 13:26:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u2rqj/which_body_check_is_your_ultimate_indicator/
Not your comfort indicator that you check 80000 times a day (hello bony knobs on the back of my hip bones). I'm talking about the indicator that tells you that you've reached a next level of skinny.

For me, it's that visible arm vein that goes from wrist to bicep. I knew I had crossed the line into normal BMI territory when I lost sight of that vein. I've still got a spine that looks like a stegosaurus and a thigh gap. But damn if I don't look for that arm vein everyday. It's currently only visible up to about an inch away from my elbow :/

My BMI is in the low 18s. I think I've got about 8 pounds before I get the vein check back to what it used to be...

[Rant/Rave] Plans changed
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 13:06:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u2n80/plans_changed/
Ugh I'm pretty upset. My boyfriend and I were going to do a Valentine's day this weekend since we're both busy during the week. So I planned for that day to be a binge day and I've been eating super extra carefully in preparation.

Well, he just got a job and his first shift is Saturday! Meaning my entire plan is out the window and I don't get to spend time with him or eat.

Anyway tldr I guess when plans change surrounding a binge it messes with everything.

Anyone here fast to punish themselves for social mistakes?
Created: Tue Feb 14 13:04:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u2mpi/anyone_here_fast_to_punish_themselves_for_social/

[Thinspo] Need some reverse thinspo? Have a documentary in which they graphically autopsy dead fat people.
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 108.6 | 19.9 | -7 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Feb 14 12:57:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u2l23/need_some_reverse_thinspo_have_a_documentary_in/

[Discussion] collecting recipes/pictures of food.
/u/moggettt [5'5 | 108 | 18.0 | NB]
Created: Tue Feb 14 11:53:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u24ia/collecting_recipespictures_of_food/
DAE do this? i think "collecting" is an understatement for me -- i HOARD food pics. i have probably close to a dozen pinboards dedicated to food, my bookmarks are overflowing. i cant even cook!!

its so weird to me that im so obsessed w/ looking at food and stuff considering how meticulously i avoid it in every day life. most of the stuff i save recipes for is stuff i would never eat in a million years. i just have this compulsion !! it sucks because i think sometimes it does make me more hungry too.

when i was in treatment (PHP and then inpatient) i pretty much lost interest in this hobby. now that im out i do it again. its like the less im eating the more i want to look at food. not helpful, brain.

[Rant/Rave] I made brownies for our friends tonight and we are no longer going out with them.
Created: Tue Feb 14 11:44:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u21sp/i_made_brownies_for_our_friends_tonight_and_we/
These brownies are so decadent and beautiful and I was going to feed them to people I love bc food is what makes people happy but now we aren't going out and they are sitting in their lovely glass bowl in my house and I don't want to go home and now I'm sad and I know I will eat them all cause I have no self control and I can't destroy them bc my husband knows they exist and I hate myself and I haven't even had the brownies yet.

:( I'm sorry for bitching I just hate how much I love baking and cooking and food and I hate when plans change. I hate change. Ugh.

Thanks for listening

/mobile rant

[Rant/Rave] how did i let this weight gain happen? waaa i never want to eat again
Created: Tue Feb 14 11:36:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u206o/how_did_i_let_this_weight_gain_happen_waaa_i/

[Help] I need help finding this one particular weight loss calculator
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 108.6 | 19.9 | -7 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Feb 14 11:34:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1zk6/i_need_help_finding_this_one_particular_weight/
There was this weight loss calculator that would let you enter your weight and height and the average amount of calories you eat in a day, and it would give you this chart where you could see your weight falling exponentially and match up how much you will have lost by a certain day. Where is that thing? I can't find it. I liked it because it would let you put your GW as low as you wanted.

[Help] Ankle injury - Exercise? (Mobile, no flair)
/u/dontcareifithurts__ [5'4.5 | 114.4 | - 6.8 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 11:33:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1ze1/ankle_injury_exercise_mobile_no_flair/
So, I've injured my ankle by walking briskly on the tredmill for hours.

I thought I could ignore it but it just keeps getting more sore so I guess I need to rest it.

Any advice for exercise that burns a lot of calories and doesn't involve standing, walking, or using my ankle too much?

Help. I lost 4.2 pounds last week and I don't want to come to a screeching halt or put any of it back on.

[Other] Going to the movies tonight
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 11:30:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1yvq/going_to_the_movies_tonight/
I'm trying to fast all day with broth so that I can make my bf happy and eat some popcorn with him. My stomach is dying omg. But I logged this as a possible 2000 calories binge day just incase (medium popcorn and beer and possibly halo top out of greed). Then I have a 700 calorie meal plan for the rest of the week. I want to just enjoy this but I'm terrified I'm not estimating enough calories. I don't track my liquor but I do track my beer so it just seems like everything is so up in the air! But I haven't binged in a long while aside from one mini-mini binge. So there is that! Just wanted to rant.

[Help] "About" 2 servings...
/u/quietpandaa [5'1 | 97 | 19.1 | -13 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 10:58:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1r7l/about_2_servings/
I finally bought a package of shirataki noodles and am totally excited to try them out for dinner tonight! On the package, it says there are about 2 servings inside, and each serving is 113 g (whole package is 227 g). What do you guys do in these situations in terms of calorie counting? I have a food scale so I could weigh the noodles to see exactly how much, but then I run into the drained vs. undrained question.

Also, if you know of any good ways to cook shirataki noodles in a microwave (dorm life sucks) and filling/low-cal add-ins, I'd be happy to hear them!

Sorry, I'm on mobile and can't figure out how to flair!

[Help] antidepressants and ephedrine
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 10:48:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1ovb/antidepressants_and_ephedrine/
I've been taking ephedrine twice a day for nearly two months now and love being back on it. Last week my doctor prescribed celexa to take in the morning, which used to work for me very well. But now when I take both I crash so hard by around 11 and can barely make it through the day.

Anyone ever have any experience with this combination? In all honesty, I'd rather give up the celexa then the ephedrine right now.

[Rant/Rave] Got diagnosed today and feeling relieved.
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105.2 | GW 95]
Created: Tue Feb 14 10:43:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1nq4/got_diagnosed_today_and_feeling_relieved/
It was weirdly extremely relieving to hear my official diagnosis of bulimia. I've been feeling like a fraud for even identifying with disordered eating because on the surface I seem normal, my grades are fine and my weight has literally not changed despite all the torment I've been going through with binge/restrict. Now I finally feel "allowed" to show myself compassion and forgive myself for my ridiculous eating behaviors.

If anyone else feels like they don't belong here, I want to offer you some of words I wish I could have told myself. There's a reason you've wandered enough to end up in this sub. Whether it's an official diagnosis or your own acknowledgement of disordered eating patterns, no matter how "severe" or "mild" your symptoms, we are all going through a lot of mental torment and need/deserve the support of this community.

I'm rather new here but the kind words, support, and relatable stories shared here have been SO helpful for feeling less isolated and alone in the world. Thank you all for being such a welcoming community <3

I've stopped counting calories
Created: Tue Feb 14 10:42:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1nat/ive_stopped_counting_calories/

[Rant/Rave] Tomorrow begins a new chapter and I couldn't be more excited.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 10:15:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1gsm/tomorrow_begins_a_new_chapter_and_i_couldnt_be/
Last year, I went on Wellbutrin. I do have depression, but requested that specific medication to try due to popular side effects. Fast forward a few months and I'm at my LW. Then I get hit my a devastating life incident at the same my insurance runs out. Ate my feelings.

It's been 10 months since I was on medication and I'm 30 pounds heavier. However, I now hold in my hands a 90 day supply of Wellbutrin. I'm elated.

And the best part? I'm not doing a 'I'll start tomorrow' binge. I'm eating normally tonight and then can start my meds tomorrow.

It's not totally ED related, but I know a lot of us have anxiety and depression and other fun bonuses to go along with our EDs. I wanted to share the news with someone, so thank you for listening.

Who woulda thought such a tiny thing could spark such anxiety?????
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 10:15:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1gqf/who_woulda_thought_such_a_tiny_thing_could_spark/

[Rant/Rave] Feeling so fucking betrayed
Created: Tue Feb 14 09:17:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u13ir/feeling_so_fucking_betrayed/
There was this guy that was like bad news for me but I couldn't get enough of him until finally I had to stop. Throughout this whole painful ordeal, I had an amazing friend stop me from making an ass out of myself and contacting the guy, always. This friend would text some reason into my ugly sobbing self at 2am in the morning, be my drinking buddy while I yelled so much hate about this guy, and hang out with me so I would forget all about him.

She told me she hated the guy's guts for taking advantage of me and my feelings while I was in an exploitable state. She did her best to include me in conversations and events even though I was super socially awkward. She was aware that bad news guy liked her so much but she said she didn't like him back. She had a flaw, though: once we started drinking, she'd end up getting it on with a guy if there was one, without fail.

Fast forward a couple months from then to today and I find out this "amazing" friend had sexual activity with bad news guy just a couple days before Valentine's during a sleepover. I don't know how she could do that after telling me how much she hated that guy's guts. Might have been the alcohol? Man, I love her as a friend but why did she have to do this to me.

I hate myself so much for even caring about what bad news boy has been up to. I hate that I can't decide whether to hate my friend for sleeping with the guy I want and am trying to resist the most, after the big part she played with my recovery; or to continue liking her because 1. I have to because she's the queen bee in my colleges' social strata, 2. She's still my friend and she gets drunk once in a while and fucks around anyway, 3. Aside from this she's been a nice person to me.

I want to not eat for a month and be skinny as fuck and watch them be amazed at how thin I am. Maybe if I was thin bad news boy would have stayed liking me instead of fucking around with my friend. Maybe if I was thin I would be happy with how I am now, with an LDR boyfriend and a part time job to keep me busy. I just want to wither away this fat gross cocoon of lard and evolve into someone sexy and beautiful and confident and loved.

PS. I'm on mobile, can't tag sorry

[Rant/Rave] I'm in a secret weight battle with my husband.
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 210 lbs | 35 BMI | -65lbs | GW: 120 | 26F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 09:17:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u13i5/im_in_a_secret_weight_battle_with_my_husband/
Hi, perma-mobile (and also new!) so I can't flair.. rant/rave? Maybe?

I gained a lot of weight through my pregnancies, and took some time off from my ED to do the "Mom" thing. Used breastfeeding as an excuse to eat whatever the hell I wanted.. and gained a horrible amount of weight. I woke up a few months ago at 245 and wanted to die. I've lost 30 lbs now and my ED is back on track.

My husband also gained a TON of weight during the same time period. He also got promoted, so was doing more of a "desk" job than the manual labor he had been doing. He topped out at 280.

But now.. he's switched jobs and is back out upside doing the hard work. And he's losing weight QUICKLY. And now I feel like I'm in some secret competition. There's a 60lb difference between our weights now.. but I feel like I have to rapidly lose as much weight as possible because I would be horrified if he passed me and weighed less than I do.

Does that make sense or am I crazy?!

[Rant/Rave] Why does everything revolve around food?? [RANT/RAVE]
/u/crybabybulimic [5'4" | 🙃 | -7 | GW: 100lbs |]
Created: Tue Feb 14 09:06:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u112j/why_does_everything_revolve_around_food_rantrave/
I went to the cinema with friends today and ordered myself a large Diet Pepsi.

When my friends realised I didn't order food they kept pushing me to buy something, but I didn't.

Then, throughout the whole movie they offered me their food constantly, so I had to eat some to avoid causing a fuss.

After the movie was over, they began discussing places to go eat!!

I just said I felt ill and went home.

It seems like everything, every activity just HAS to involve food.

[Goal] You definitely look skinnier, babe!
Created: Tue Feb 14 08:34:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u0u6x/you_definitely_look_skinnier_babe/

[Thinspo] Beautiful Thinspo
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 08:33:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u0u1u/beautiful_thinspo/

[Help] My SO is gaining weight and it's triggering me
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | F | GW:115 | -17 | BMI 23.8]
Created: Tue Feb 14 08:02:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u0not/my_so_is_gaining_weight_and_its_triggering_me/
Since last August my SO (25M) stopped being active, started playing more video games, started drinking more soda, and ate out most days of the week. As I was losing weight he was gaining. He's gained a total of 40 pounds.

He's delusional and every time I bring it up he has another excuse like:

* he's "bulking" by eating a lot. Even tho I told him that's not how it works and he has to eat well *and* workout/lift to bulk.

* he's "growing into himself" and that's why his clothes aren't fitting and he can't button his pants. My response was that he's 25 years old and if he was growing into himself it wouldn't be horizontally and that his metabolism has changed.

* he's always been really skinny and never gained weight (fast metabolism) so now he's convinced it's a good thing he's gained 40 pounds in 6 months.

* his pants must not fit because he's washed them before (even the new ones that he recently purchased)

We've been together 5 years and one of the things we have talked about is if the other is gaining weight and getting fat we have the right to tell them without the other getting upset. When I brought this up recently his response was that when he weighs 250 pounds he's fat and then I can tell him and bring this up again.

I really don't know how to deal with this. I understand people changed over time as we grow old and we will never look like we did when we were 20, but I don't think gaining 40 pounds in 6 months is normal.

This whole situation is making me really uncomfortable. I feel like since I've been shut down so many times before that he's pretty set in stone and won't listen to me. I've told him all of this before several times. I've even asked him to come to the gym with me and he declines. I'm so scared he's just going to keep gaining weight and get huge.

His BMI is 26.4 and it was 21.7 six months ago.

[Thinspo] Beautiful "Healthy" Thinspo
Created: Tue Feb 14 06:54:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u0b51/beautiful_healthy_thinspo/

[Thinspo] Gorgeous Thinspo
Created: Tue Feb 14 06:53:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u0azq/gorgeous_thinspo/

[Rant/Rave] its so simple for my him... 5'4| CW:141lbs|GW:125lbs|-40
Created: Tue Feb 14 06:03:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u02hc/its_so_simple_for_my_him_54_cw141lbsgw125lbs40/
It feels like eating has never been a challenge for my fiance, hes 26yrs older than me and spent most of his life very thin. he had a little extra weight on him when we met, but once i started losing a bit of weight n eating smaller portions, its like weight just fell off of him naturally w/o any effort. Ive been a vegetarian since late summer of last year and he still eats meat, but only once or twice a week, for the sake of wanting to cook the same dinner for the both of us. Whenever i complain about stuffing my face, he tells me "no ones ever gained weight from eating normal" WHAT IS THIS "EATING NORMAL"? If he wants to snack on chips n salsa, he simply skips lunch. If he wants to polish off a whole stack of saltines, he goes for it. If he wants a rocky road milkshake, he'll have one. Every night he has one! and never wakes up feeling like a disgusting or disappointed. He seriously couldn't give less of a shit about how much he weighs, weight loss or not. When i moved in the only scale he had was collecting dust in the basement and hadnt been used in years lol.

I envy his ability to know when hes full n not feel the need to clear his plate. Its not some crazy mystery why hes like this, i know. Hes just not a fat POS like me, has never sneaked food just bc no one was home or calculated how much of his paycheck could be wasted on delivery. Being w him has given me a much healthier relationship with food, though i wish i didn't have a relationship with food at all!

He doesn't realize how important restricting is to healing all the damage I've done too my body. He will legitimately get angry with me if he sees that ive skipped a meal or am tracking my calories. He'll thank me on our wedding day when hes looking at a beautiful, tight bride and not some fat soccer mom looking, hermit.

Does anyone else have an SO whose never had to give two shits a/b one bite?

[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A February 14, 2017
Created: Tue Feb 14 05:08:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tzubs/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_february_14_2017/

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 14, 2017
Created: Tue Feb 14 05:08:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tzub8/daily_food_diary_february_14_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for February 14, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

[Help] I can't stop eating
Created: Tue Feb 14 03:27:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tzh3m/i_cant_stop_eating/

[Other] Study finds that long term calorie restriction promotes cellular fitness, which in turn may lead to increased longevity (x-post from /r/science)
Created: Mon Feb 13 23:52:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5typsu/study_finds_that_long_term_calorie_restriction/

[Intro] Went through 2 months of supervised recovery, had a shit breakup, and now I'm back!!
/u/cheeekyslug [5'5" | - 4 | 19F ]
Created: Mon Feb 13 23:50:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5typic/went_through_2_months_of_supervised_recovery_had/
I've been MIA since I started dating my ex. I gained 20lbs (lost 55lbs in 3 months on here) while dating him and working with a dietician, an eating disorder specialist, and 2 counselors. They said weight gain is normal as it I'm adjusting to a normal diet. I'm definitely happier about eating, however I miss the invincibility of not eating for extended periods of time, the weird high of running miles at a time, and definitely the satisfaction of wearing old jeans and having them slip off.

I was on the Peach app before and I definitely miss the updates I got from all of you... I also have been MIA from reddit in general.

How is everyone?! I love this community and I regret ever going into recovery for my ex.

I'm motivated to get back on track as I have a sorority formal towards the end of April and I'm excited as fuck because the hotel I'm picking out in San Francisco is nice as hell and I'm definitely splurging on some nice panties and the boy I'm talking to is perfect as hell (a fit and tall Marine getting his masters in Data Science!!) so I'm bringing him along. I'm keto adapted so I'm going to drink tea all week as I'm not longer hungry. I'm stoked to be on here and to see everyone's progress on here!

[Rant/Rave] Fuck fries
/u/verakitty [5'4"|CW 108lbs |18.5 |-12lbs |GW 105 |UGW 99 |F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 22:21:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tyblc/fuck_fries/
I mildly enjoyed our long day of mandatory family activities, but we just had a small disagreement over their buying me dinner after I explicitly asked them not to (some devilish In-N-Out Animal Style Fries, purchased for me at my mother's insistence). I did make sure to thank them; I love and appreciate the little things, plus everything else they do, but they completely dismissed my wishes. Now I’m sitting in my room, polluted by the aromatics of those junky, fattening fries, and I’m disproportionately upset. Though I can recognize the irrationality in my thought process, logic often bows to my emotions.

The intense physical urge to eat those fries erupted in a short-lived, yet massive internal struggle not to smash every delicious calorie into my face. Unable to stand the smell any longer, I carried the greasy bag outside, uneaten. I’m especially upset because I wanted to water fast today, but was forced to sit through a family lunch. I ate four black sesame sweets, picked at some vegetables, and at home, polished off some cheese Pringles before I was finally repulsed by my greed and stopped my consumption (not before vacuum sucking the crumbs and flavor dust, lol). My plans for today were completely ruined even before the fries fiasco! The temptation of purging even danced around my head before I quashed it— I haven’t purged in months, and don’t intend to start again. Though I’m vegetarian, my mother constantly pushes meat and more food in general onto my plate. Her suspicions are likely piqued because her sister’s daughter (my cousin) struggled with anorexia. She’s been a hawk monitoring my intake, because we spent all day together.

More deeply, I feel that my parents don't respect me, because I don't deserve their respect. Without going too into personal detail, I’m kind of a burden on my poor, aging parents. I can’t live at home anymore. They deserve better, and I crave growth into autonomy, something I can’t accomplish under their roof.
Personal heartbreak and soul-searching has lead me to sounder clarity, to the reaffirmation that at the end of the day, I have nothing. I have no one to help me. So I’ll help myself, and embody the woman I want to be by pursuing the actions that comprise the life of a successful, independent individual. I pray to my soul for strength and continued dedication to a strict regime for my health, productivity, and plans to leave this place. I want to be free. I want to be alone and live for myself. I am dying in this house.

[Discussion] Who works in the healthcare field here?
Created: Mon Feb 13 22:15:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tyag9/who_works_in_the_healthcare_field_here/
I feel like I have good advice to people but I never take my own advice... help others but can't help the self huh lol.

Who here works in the healthcare field? I'm curious.

Mobile so can't flair I'm sorry 😐

[Rant/Rave] Having a baby face...
Created: Mon Feb 13 22:14:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tya98/having_a_baby_face/
I've always had a "baby face" where my face is really circle shaped, and there's no other word for it, I'm straight up UGLY when my face is bloated form vomitting or just in general if I don't restrict. Literally I lose weight in my face last and I gain it there immediately. And also my neck. I always wanted a graceful neck, and it just looks so short and stocky and fucking ugly.

The only time where my face has looked nice was when I was using fucking meth. Like it took meth for me to be considered pretty-that's how ugly I am. I can't stand any pictures that are taken of me. Like my cheeks stick out where it meets my chin, and I'm just fucking ugly. When I'm restricting or on Adderall or doing meth, people consider me an 8/10 and now just from my face being so fucking fat, I'm a 5/10 at best. I'm just so fucking disgusted with myself, and the worst thing is that I won't restrict, I'll cheat. It's not even really about my face but about my self-esteem that the only time I feel like I'm worthy and feel like I'm a person is when I restrict or when drugs artificially give me confidence.

I go o so much therapy, see so many counsellors, psychiatrists... Fucking save me please. I don't want to do meth again. I don't want to die an addict, and I don't want to die bulimic. I don't fucking want to die in the bathroom from purging or shooting up.

[Discussion] I wish there was a daily offtopic discussion thread
Created: Mon Feb 13 21:51:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ty6f7/i_wish_there_was_a_daily_offtopic_discussion/

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
Created: Mon Feb 13 21:46:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ty5fv/daily_thinspo/

[Rant/Rave] I need to vent about a lot of stuff, so please bear with me.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 21:27:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ty21a/i_need_to_vent_about_a_lot_of_stuff_so_please/
I'm so tired. I'm so tired of thinking of food all the damn time. I'm so tired of feeling AFRAID of food. I'm tired of everything about my ED... except losing weight.

I actually have felt the most calm about eating during the last 3 days than I've felt in the past year because, after a LONG period of trial and error, I finally found a schedule of taking my meds that makes my appetite manageable.

But I still wish it were better.

I wish every meal didn't feel like a battle. I wish food and weight didn't take up so much of thinking. I don't want this **anymore**... even though I still want control.

I wish I could control my disorder. But I guess that's why it's called a *dis*-order.

[Rant/Rave] I binge because I was going to die (tw)
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | 104 | 19.0 | Ugw: 85 |19f]
Created: Mon Feb 13 20:58:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5txwka/i_binge_because_i_was_going_to_die_tw/
I think I broke today, I don't know. I just really wanted to die, and when I thought about it I realized I should. My house was empty so I figured I could. But I decided to binge first, might as well. I don't think I was actually going to do it but I liked the feeling of direction I had. But when I finished binging I looked at myself and realized... fuck.... I can't die overweight. Then I'll absolutely be a failure. I think it's just a subconscious excuse to not die, but I also got a little more motivated to never eat again. I'm just tired and a drag and I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Sorry for ranting

[Discussion] What are some thinspo instagrams that you follow?
Created: Mon Feb 13 20:28:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5txr01/what_are_some_thinspo_instagrams_that_you_follow/

[Discussion] I'm so weird... I WANT to go to the hospital
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 108.6 | 19.9 | -7 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Feb 13 19:11:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5txcp5/im_so_weird_i_want_to_go_to_the_hospital/
I'm going to be painfully honest and tell you that I want to end up in the anorexia unit of my local mental hospital. I want it more than anything.

To spend 3-6 months basically living there like it's a self-love boarding school, hanging out with thin girls, swapping tips, and most of all, seeing all these girls so much thinner than me and thinking, *I deserve to be here. I am thin, too*. Even the food wouldn't be so bad. I could finally eat all those fear foods and binge foods because if I'm so tiny that doctors are scared, I must surely have finally lost enough weight to deserve to eat, right?

I watch the documentary "Thin" so much that I've memorized every line. I watch it almost every day. (If anyone else knows of other anorexia movies or documentaries or vlogs that take place in an ED ward let me know.) If I think of being in hospital, I suddenly have the strength to keep restricting. I'm *going* to complete the ABC diet come hell or high water because it's the only way I'll ever end up with real anorexia instead of the EDNOS I've had for 2 years.

The only thing that makes me almost want to give up is the idea- the fear- that I won't be able to go to an ED ward, even with anorexia. I'm on my dad's insurance and I have no idea if it covers long-term mental health hospital stays. And, I mean, it's not like I can just call them and ask. *"Oh I'm planning on having anorexia two months from now, do you cover that?"* Even if my dad's insurance did cover it, I might not be on it next year, so who knows? I'd hate myself for the rest of my life if my parents took out a second mortgage or cut their retirement savings in half to put their 23-year-old daughter in the ED ward where she wants to be.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only person in the world that wants to go to hospital, but it's my Valhalla after a long battle. It is the tangible sign that I've done enough, that my work has paid off, that I'm finally worthy of calling myself thin and beautiful, that it's finally okay to eat. Is there anyone out there who feels this way? I feel quite alone in this.

[Rant/Rave] I fucked up real bad. Purging.
/u/adrestiaiscoming [5'9"| GW 110 | -11| F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 18:42:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tx78o/i_fucked_up_real_bad_purging/
Fuck. So I used to be horrifically bulimic before I swung into full-on anorexia. Recently I decided I couldn't bear to not lose more weight so I kicked up my restricting and exercise a notch and it has been working wonders. But today I wasn't hungry all day and it freaked me out because I don't want to swing back to total anorexia either because I already fucked up my body horribly from being anorexic for years and years.

So for dinner I made myself a medium sized spinach salad with oil and vinegar and some baked chicken breast. Nothing bad at all.

But I felt SO FULL you guys. Instant regret. Now, being the "professional" that I am I know there is no way I'm going to purge chicken and crunchy veggies. So what does my dumb ass do? Lightbulb went on. Did my go-to purging "trick" which I won't share for obvious reasons but it always "works" when I'm in a panic. Then I figured if I was planning to purge anyway I may as well have a treat so I had a small bowl of vanilla ice cream.

Fifteen minutes later, I got pretty much everything out (weighed before and after), chugged water, and took a couple bites of banana for potassium.

I promised myself I wouldn't do this but it was like....robotic. It reminded me of the first time I really acknowledged I had a purging problem in college. I walked past the bathroom and just seeing the toilet made me gag. I'm really afraid to go down this path again. Like. Really, intensely, afraid. And now it's in my mind how easy that was and how I could purge my one small meal a day and basically get away with eating nothing (I never want to eat all day after purging). I'm really freaked out, y'all.

[Rant/Rave] I cannot make myself throw up
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 18:26:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tx448/i_cannot_make_myself_throw_up/

[Discussion] Does anyone on here take fitness classes?
Created: Mon Feb 13 18:01:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5twz56/does_anyone_on_here_take_fitness_classes/
Can't flair on mobile :(

I just signed up for a once weekly fitness class. I restrict and fast a lot.
What do you do on class days to make sure you feel okay/strong/energetic?
I'd like to stay low cal still but having energy and stamina on these days is more important to me.
If it helps, I'm vegetarian :)
Thank you!

[Tip] My Guide to Post-Binge Self-Care (Long!)
/u/the-mortyest-morty [5'3 | CW: 122.0| BMI: 21.6 | -22 | GW: 105 | 25F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 17:29:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5twsd4/my_guide_to_postbinge_selfcare_long/
So you fucked up. You went out and got drunk, and ended up eating a ton of greasy bar food. You had a bad day with anxiety, and binged on all the desserts in the entire house. You were bored, so you polished off an entire family-size box of pizza bagels. We’ve all been there.

And then you wake up the next day. You feel tired, bloated, fat. Maybe hungover. Maybe guilty for eating, or guilty for being unable to fully purge. The depression leads to you sitting around doing nothing all day, or worse - bingeing again.

What to do? Here’s what:

**Part One:** Poop! But no laxatives. Ok, *almost* no laxatives. Laxatives suck. They give you awful cramps, you spend half the day on the toilet, you feel absolutely gross, and they generally don’t affect the amount of calories you absorb. Of course, you want to get that food out regardless, I get it. Instead of swallowing a ton of laxatives, try starting a regimen of daily probiotic supplements for your digestive tract. These are the same probiotics in stuff like Activia yogurt, but you can get them in pill form so no added calories. Find them in the laxative aisle at your local drugstore. Take ONE (only one) EVERY day whether you’re bingeing, restricting, or in between. Again, not a quick fix, but if you stay on them, you’ll naturally take a massive shit after bingeing instead of having to force it out with harsh laxatives. This makes going to the bathroom so much easier. Despite barely eating anything, I have a BM every single morning, which is great for morning weigh-ins.

Now, you’ve got the probiotics but you’re still full of food. For a quicker-acting solution, add Miralax. This is a stool softener that causes your stool to absorb water from your intestines, making it softer. Thus you go more often and there is no pain from hard stools. This can also be incorporated into your diet on a regular basis to keep you, well, regular. It dissolves totally in any drink and is nearly tasteless, even in water.

Finally, taking a Midol will cause you to lose water weight(diuretic), have more energy to work off those calories (caffeine, which is also a natural laxative), and keep sore muscles and abdominal cramps at bay. It’s not just for that time of the month, ladies!

**Part Two:** Burn! Okay now that the gross part is over, it’s time for the hard part - exercise. You’re all bloaty and tired and gross feeling, I know, but the best remedy for this is to BURN those calories you ate the night before. Ease yourself into it - if you go straight into jogging while you’re still full, you’re gonna get a stitch in your side and wanna puke.

What I do is start with gentle stretching/beginner yoga postures. Downward dog, Warrior 1 & 2, Cobra, Child’s Pose, etc. Nothing crazy. Just get those arms and legs and back stretched out. Then, once I’m warmed up, I take my dog on a 45-min walk. Keep a brisk pace, and use your dog/walking buddy/Pokémon Go/iPod to distract you if you’re feeling bored or uncomfortable. I personally enjoy walking but you may not.

Finally, I do some real cardio. This part is important. I do at least 30 mins of Just Dance in Sweat Mode. You can do that, or 30 mins of jogging, P90x, Jazzercise, jumping jacks, what-the-fuck-ever…just get your heart pumping for 30 mins. This will also help get your bowels going and it’ll undo some of the damage from last night. And now, the fun part…

**Part Three:** Food! After all that exercise, eat something small and protein-rich. I favor a serving (or half of one) of Kashi Go-Lean Crunch in Honey Almond Flax, with unsweetened almond milk. Flaxseed is a great laxative as well. A small meal after all that working out will help to push last night’s food out of you. Also make sure to drink LOTS of water while eating and working out. This makes stools softer and easier to pass.

**Part Four:** Purge! Not literally - I’m talking about purging all the crap in your pantry. Remember what your trigger foods are and throw them the fuck away. Whatever you binged on last night, throw away whatever is left, or is similar to that food. Replace them with healthy alternatives so that if you DO binge, it’s on dried fruit and hummus with veggies instead of an entire frozen pizza or whatever. Next time your willpower takes a hit, the damage won’t be as devastating.

**Part Five:** Self-care! This is the MOST important step. You need to talk it out. Figure out what triggered the binge and how you can avoid it in the future, or better manage your reaction. Talk to your therapist about the binge, or a trusted friend/family member, or one of us here on /r/proED. Or even just write in your diary. You’ve gotten all the food out of your body, but now you need to get it out of your head. Confess your sins. You’ll feel a lot better.

**Part Six:** Self-Love! Reward yourself for all the hard work. Do something that makes you feel pretty. It can be as simple as applying a mint julep mask to your face, or as extravagant as blowing your tax return on those sexy Louboutins you’ve been eyeing for months.

Some other good ideas are:

* Taking a bubble bath with a yummy bath bomb from LUSH.

* Seeing a movie with a friend or SO. If you want to avoid food temptation, do it at home instead of going to the theater.
* Giving yourself a sweet at-home manicure, or shelling out the cash for the real deal at a salon.
* Getting a haircut, or touching-up your dye job. Maybe even try a new color - new you, new hair!
* Cleaning up your room, reorganizing your clothes, or redecorating.
* Buying some new makeup, or trying a new style you’ve never done before.
* Adult coloring books, meditation, and/or yoga - this really helps me ‘center’ myself and get back to feeling normal after a binge.

Just some ideas. Sorry I’ve been posting so much - if I’m posting too frequently, feel free to ask the mods to take it down. I’m a total loudmouth and I know it can be annoying. I just wanted to post this guide that’s been sitting in my textedit files, since you guys liked my stoner guide earlier and I hear SO many of you talking about swallowing a mouthful of laxatives and spending the day curled up in pain on the toilet. It doesn’t have to be this way, y’all! I poop twice a day from these probiotics whether I eat or not lol. I used to binge a LOT but since incorporating these methods into my life, my bingeing has become a once-in-a-blue-moon type of thing. You can do it!

Feel free to add any tips or tricks you guys like to use, and as always, all of you are welcome to PM me for any reason.



[Rant/Rave] My husband only weighs 15-20lbs more than me... well... shit anyway.
/u/thisthingagain [5'3 | 125.6| 22.76 | 19 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 17:15:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5twpdk/my_husband_only_weighs_1520lbs_more_than_me_well/
I'm 5'3 and have been hovering between 125-128 for a few months. I have no discipline, I'm disgusting, getting back into it, yadda, yadda, yadda. My husband is 5'10. We went to the doctor the other day, he stepped on the scale: 147lbs. I was 145 in September. Holy shit. I didn't realize we were so close in weight! I thought I was going to puke.

This feeling is horrible. I can't stand that we're so close in weight. All I want to do is feed, and feed, and *feed* him. Which I know isn't fair to him (no, he has no eating issues. He's a healthy person in general, which is wonderful!). And starve myself. No more "doing it slowly," so no one realizes that I'm relapsing, I'm ready to dive back in so I can shed this disgusting fat off.

Backstory: The guys in my family are all tall gym rats-- my dad is 6'3 and 220, brother is 6'4 240. Both are muscle-ridden gym-rat types who have classic american good looks I don't really dig the big brawny look in men because it reminds me too much of the men in my family, hence my super sexy svelte lanky husband. He has like, that slender-cowboy-strength which is super attractive to me. But, like, knowing there's 120lbs between my brother and his wife (and 80lbs between my mom and dad) is hugely frustrating because my husband and I will *never* be 100lbs apart. Hell, 50lbs apart would be a feat if he doesn't gain. And he likes thicker women, so if I did manage to make it below 100 again he would find me unattractive, which would be an entirely different problem.

I guess this is just me feeling sad. And fat. And completely unattractive.

This is me, venting, and getting my shit back together. <3.

[Help] Vday bloat prevention
/u/AriesXO [5'6 | 133 | 21.76 | -35 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 15:21:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tw14i/vday_bloat_prevention/
So tomorrow is valentine's day. My boyfriend of 2 years and I are going out to dinner. Which will be our first time. Ever!!
He's never pushed the subject and we kind of just ignored it all the time. So today he messages me and says Dinner reservations tomorrow at 8:45. EEEKKKK.
So the last thing I want is to be the weird eating disordered woman who is letting a meal replace sexy time with the boyfriend. So my question is...Is anything I can do before dinner to help prevent bloating?

[Discussion] Anyone else lose weight yet never feel like the have?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 14:41:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tvrll/anyone_else_lose_weight_yet_never_feel_like_the/
No matter how much weight I lose I never feel like I can see it or feel it. It's the most discouraging thing. I swear the scale could read 100 lb and I'd still look just as huge as I ever did :(

[Rant/Rave] Ballet class tomorrow, freaking out
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | Afraid to weigh myself but maybe ~126 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 13:39:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tvdk7/ballet_class_tomorrow_freaking_out/
(On mobile so no flair, sorry)

I haven't taken ballet in like six months, and I'm kind of panicking about having to put on a leotard and tights and stand in front of a mirror with a bunch of girls who have been doing this forever. I've definitely gained weight from the last time I danced and it gets in the way when I stretch which *really* triggers feelings of hating myself. My thighs are the size of China and I'm gonna have to stare at them for an hour.

Plus, I've been restricting since the beginning of this week and I'm afraid I'll be dizzy or weak. But I really want to get back into ballet because it kept me so before! I'm just really nervous.

[Thinspo] [TW: Self-harm] Couldn't stop myself between classes and noticed my thighs are allmmoosstt thin enough to be considered thinspo
Created: Mon Feb 13 13:37:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tvd46/tw_selfharm_couldnt_stop_myself_between_classes/

[Tip] Fast Safe Foods
/u/puddleclub [5'8" | cw: 180.8 | gw: 130 | bmi: 27.07 | -6.9 | f]
Created: Mon Feb 13 11:59:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tur0w/fast_safe_foods/
i'm on my 12th hour of fasting (striving for 40) and i was wondering what are your foods that you'll allow yourself to have if you're feeling faint? all i can think of is broth.

[Thinspo] Collarbone and neck progress!!
Created: Mon Feb 13 10:31:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tu765/collarbone_and_neck_progress/

[Help] Unable to binge and panicking
Created: Mon Feb 13 10:27:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tu6dz/unable_to_binge_and_panicking/
*Sorry, meant unable to purge.

I have been restricting and losing fairly easily. I got down to a new low weight this morning and for some reason my brain just short circuited and I went on a mega binge. But I wasn't even able to purge. I did manage a tiny bit, but I'm up 2kg from this morning and becoming consumed with disappointment. I'm worried I'll completely back track now. Has this happened to you and how did you deal? Did I ruin everything?

Cheap protein source
Created: Mon Feb 13 09:42:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ttvwp/cheap_protein_source/

[Tip] Any stoners with an ED?
/u/the-mortyest-morty [5'3 | CW: 122.0| BMI: 21.6 | -22 | GW: 105 | 25F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 09:32:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tttqk/any_stoners_with_an_ed/
So, I'm lucky enough that, despite living in a state where MJ is illegal, I have a great doctor who supports my use of it and doesn't "count" the weed when I go in for a drug test. I use it for anxiety and since I'm in recovery from heroin, he agreed that a natural anxiety-killer is better for me than taking fuck-tons of Xanax or whatever.

So yay, weed! Except...it makes you fucking hungry. I remember years ago when I first met my fiancé in college. We were smoking a blunt in his car and he looked at me and said, "I think it's really cool that you take care of yourself. A lot of girls start smoking weed and get really big, but you're tiny." That comment has stuck with me for years, plus I ended up engaged to the guy lol. He's right though - weed can really lead to weight gain. But you can also be a "skinny stoner" and here's how I do it:

1. Never ever EVER smoke on an empty stomach. You will eat the entire kitchen. Don't do it.
2. Instead, eat something small. I have half a serving of Kashi Go-Lean Crunch in Honey Almond Flax, and a biiiiig glass of cold water or warm coffee. THEN I smoke. When the water hits the cereal in my stomach, the cereal absorbs it and expands, so I feel really full. This is the best time to smoke that won't end in disaster. The coffee helps me from becoming glued to the couch.

2. Don't smoke before you exercise. You'll end up glued to the couch. Instead, exercise first, while drinking shit-tons of water. When you're done, drink more water and have a small meal. Even an apple or something, just enough to trick the munchies from coming on. THEN get your smoke on. You won't get hungry and you won't have to feel bad about sitting on the couch because you already worked out.

4. Stick to sativa. Indica strains are good if you're having trouble sleeping at night, but during the day it's basically couch-glue. You'll feel like doing nothing. Smoking sativa gives you more of a "clean the house" high and you'll be way less likely to sit there watching TV and mindlessly munching.

*EDIT*: #5. I totally forgot - if you feel like you're gonna binge after smoking, take a nap instead! It's good for you and definitely a better use of your time than stuffing your face lol.

It's all about using weed as a reward for good food behavior. Hope this helps!

So, any other eating-disordered stoners on here?

[Discussion] DAE dress super nice when they feel "thin" but dress like a slob when they feel "fat"?
/u/artgonaut [5'1 | 104.4 | 19.9 | +25 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 09:25:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ttsaq/dae_dress_super_nice_when_they_feel_thin_but/
Preface: Damn, I love this sub. You guys are a wonderful community that I'm so glad exists :)

Yeah, so on post-binge days I dress in head-to-toe sweats, absolutely zero effort. I know there are some people out there that try to wear skintight clothing in order to trigger that restricting cycle, but I just hate myself so much to the point where I can't put on anything that gives me shape, much less looks "nice".

But on days that I feel super light and empty, I just want to go all out and dress nice, because if I feel good inside, I want to look good on the outside, too. So I take a shower, comb my hair, pick out a nice outfit. Walk out the door with an oddly confident stride, a tall cup of coffee in one hand. Often, I don't eat for the rest of the day. It's great, but rare.

I told my closest friend that you can tell the severity of my depression based on the fashionableness of my clothes :)

[Rant/Rave] I miss being able to go into clothing stores and just trying on the smallest size available.
/u/artgonaut [5'1 | 104.4 | 19.9 | +25 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 09:11:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ttp6w/i_miss_being_able_to_go_into_clothing_stores_and/
When my BMI was in the 15s, I didn't even have to think about what size top/bottom I was, I'd just find the smallest possible size the store carried and I'd try it on; a lot of the time it was too large, even. I'd sometimes have to venture into the children's section to find clothing that wouldn't slip off my waist.

I've gained between 25-30 pounds since then, so my weight's obviously back in a normal range, but I seriously miss being being able to waltz into a store and not have to worry about what'll fit me. What's ironic, though, is that *more* things fit me now, now that I have a normal BMI. When you're a size 000 most stores (esp in the US) won't carry your size.

But still, reaching for that XXS and then realizing you're not that small anymore makes me want to cry every time.

[Discussion] My "stealth" fitness moves. What are yours? [Flair discussion]
Created: Mon Feb 13 05:50:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tsoj1/my_stealth_fitness_moves_what_are_yours_flair/