Will be trying my first 2-day fast and I plan to use this post as motivation. Will update with my thoughts throughout...
/u/CharChar12 [5' 9.5 |160lbs|23.5| Male]
Created: Tue Mar 14 00:34:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zalt3/will_be_trying_my_first_2day_fast_and_i_plan_to/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Body issues and my mom
/u/PutinsThirdLover
Created: Tue Mar 14 00:31:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zalcy/body_issues_and_my_mom/
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Edit: Can't flair, as on mobile.

I'm just frustrated right now. I'm sixteen, and my BMI is somewhere around 17.6, I think, and my mom has started to make comments about me being the same size as my best friend, and me being skinny.
She just kind of does it in either a disparaging/worried way, or she looks at me like she's jealous that I can fit into things that she can't, and I think she's torn between resenting me and being worried about me.
She also makes comments about my eating habits, as in that I only eat specific foods most of the time, and I have a somewhat mono-diet.
What frustrates me is that I feel I can't ever do anything which is good enough for her; I always struggled with my weight over the years, which was odd, because she was so healthy and she has custody of my brother and I, and I think me being chubby was always a source of disappointment to her. She literally told me last week that the prettier I am, the happier she is – is that a normal thing to say to your teenage daughter? Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, and she has many, many redeeming qualities, but there has always been this issue, for as long as I can remember.
I don't know. I guess I'm just here to rant.

Also, I use restricting as a means to cope with bulimia (i.e. If I restrict I won't purge, because I feel I'm in control) which she knew about, and never did anything to help me with. I do want to eventually up my calories so I have energy for gym again and just general life-living, but I feel I want to be as skinny as possible first? But I also don't know if/when I can stop, and it's confusing, and hard to deal with on my own.
Thanks for reading, if you made it down here.

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[Discussion] What's the most amount of weight you've lost in the shortest period of time? And how did you respond to people questioning it?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 13 22:50:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5za7i9/whats_the_most_amount_of_weight_youve_lost_in_the/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Day 8 of restriction. Want encouragement please ♡
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 105.8 | 20 | -12 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Mar 13 22:15:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5za29t/day_8_of_restriction_want_encouragement_please/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Why We Eat Too Much
/u/skin_ny [5'9.5" | 113.6 | 16.19 | -44 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 21:46:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z9xl2/why_we_eat_too_much/
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http://www.thebookoflife.org/why-we-eat-too-much/

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[Rant/Rave] My mom made lasagna
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Mon Mar 13 21:31:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z9v4u/my_mom_made_lasagna/
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Today was going to be a good day, my calories were going to be in the triple digits for the first time in a while, I thought I was finally out of binge mode. But then my mom made lasagna. I knew better than to eat it. I had one piece than another and another and another and another. And then I ate like 562 other things. Now I have to purge and I really didn't want to today because my throat fucking hurts and I'm so tired. I'm actually about to cry this is really stressing me out.

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[Rant/Rave] Coffee shop
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 13 21:24:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z9tvs/coffee_shop/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] coworker won't stop crunching at her desk
/u/kinaadman [CW: FAT | GW: 90lbs]
Created: Mon Mar 13 21:16:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z9slx/coworker_wont_stop_crunching_at_her_desk/
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i am trying not to eat.

i am going to punch her in the throat.

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How do you know when you've gotten it all up
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 142.4 | 20.7 | GW2 145 | GW3 139]
Created: Mon Mar 13 20:40:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z9m52/how_do_you_know_when_youve_gotten_it_all_up/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Food and Friends
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 110 | UGW: 85 | -21 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 19:52:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z9d9r/food_and_friends/
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I was fasting all day and had to break it at dinner because my friends insisted on me eating out with them. How to get around this? It's happened every day for the last three days and I'm getting depressed because of it.

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[Rant/Rave] Halo Top binge: never again.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 13 19:50:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z9cxz/halo_top_binge_never_again/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Purging and fasting just to maintain
/u/theobeseana
Created: Mon Mar 13 19:49:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z9cv0/rant_purging_and_fasting_just_to_maintain/
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I'm stuck at home for spring break. Which means my mom is dead set on cooking my favorite dinners every night. I had 100 calories during the day today, but now it's 6:30 and I've already eaten a ton of chips and guacamole that she made me, and we haven't even started actual dinner which is chicken and dumplings soup.
I had to purge some of the guac and now adding in this soup with the amount she expects me to eat I'll just barely be under my TDEE I estimate. I feel so hungry all day and sick when I purge but I'm not even losing and fucking weight to make it worth it.

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[Rant/Rave] Anyone else who can't stop thinking about food?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 13 19:30:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z993f/anyone_else_who_cant_stop_thinking_about_food/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Safe carbs?
/u/pleasegodnofuck [5'3 | 852lbs | 155.1 | -11lbs | ?]
Created: Mon Mar 13 19:29:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z98wz/safe_carbs/
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What carbs do y'all feel safe eating? I'm trying to integrate more into my diet. Any help is so much appreciated xoxo

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[Rant/Rave] my teeth hurt, and it kinda makes me happy
/u/SkinnyByComparison [5'1" | CW104 |BMI 20.5|GW90|22F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 19:08:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z951z/my_teeth_hurt_and_it_kinda_makes_me_happy/
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ive been sick for almost a week and have been using it as an excuse to eat whatever. now im finally getting over it, but now my teeth hurt from coughing so much, so im living off of my low calorie juices and tea.
I so rarely just cant eat, I can always find an excuse to and it leads to binging of course. now im actually hoping this cough last a few days. im terrible.

p.s. being so sick im nearly dry heaving has taught me I truly cant make myself purge.

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[Help] help I'm about to go buy food to stop crying
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 13 18:40:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z8zyq/help_im_about_to_go_buy_food_to_stop_crying/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Extreme fluctuations in appetite from day to day
/u/vraisemblablement [5'8" | CW: 117.8 | 17.72/17.91 | -57 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 18:20:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z8vz7/extreme_fluctuations_in_appetite_from_day_to_day/
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Does anyone else find that their appetite varies a lot? Some days, I fast and don't even think about food and feel like I could run a marathon and never eat again. Some days I'm so starving that even if I eat "normally" all day, I still feel insanely hungry and nothing satiates me.

I'm the type who's obsessed with analyzing everything and finding patterns so I'm desperately trying to find patterns behind my appetite, but I'm coming up empty. It doesn't seem like I'm any hungrier following a day of fasting or any less hungry following a day of binging, or vice versa. Anyone else experience this?

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[Rant/Rave] arguing with the bf about bloat
/u/nodamncatnodamncradl [5'10 | 140LB | 19.58 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 18:16:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z8vd0/arguing_with_the_bf_about_bloat/
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he thinks he has "gained" because his face isn't as gaunt... I do agree, but contend it TOTALLY could all just be bloat from all the salty food he has been eating after doing his usual not-quite-restricting (because of course, he doesn't have a problem...HA yes neither of us does...HA) He was poking at his ribs and trying to tell me it must be fat gain because bloat doesn't happen between ribs. Aw poor guy, seriously. I try to be consoling and spout off things I've read here that helps me when I'm feeling like I want to ignore the eating disorder voice

Anyway Let's all try to be nicer to ourselves.

I'll be deleting this later

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[Rant/Rave] I thought this was going to be easy
/u/charredsouls
Created: Mon Mar 13 17:45:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z8p2u/i_thought_this_was_going_to_be_easy/
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About 2 months ago I fully accepted I had a problem with binging and purging and decided I needed to do something about it. First, I altogether stopped purging (unfortunately the binging remained) for two weeks and I gained 7 pounds in that short time. I thought I'd be ok with some weight gain. Nope nope nope.

Then I started purging again. Now it's worse than ever. I purge as much as I can, usually 3 times per week. That sounds relatively low, but there's one saving grace: I physically can't purge more than about 2 days in a row. After that it is impossible, or almost so.

Realizing that I'm just maintaining my weight, I contacted a therapist to try to get help. I had my first meeting this morning. One of the first ways she said to resolve this cycle was by drawing it out and showing me the first thing I need to eliminate: purging. "Fuck that," I thought as I smiled dead-eyed to her face. She told me that weight gain was most likely for obvious reasons.

And that's when I tuned the hell out. I realized that I only went to therapy because I (for lack of a better way to put it) want to be able to **still** purge as a backup, but get rid of the binges, which would lead me to a much, much lower (and probably unhealthy) weight.

So for now, my stomach grumbles and I push on, hoping that one day my brain and body can be in sync.

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[Help] My husband isn't attracted to me anymore
/u/scandinaviandreams [6'0" | 131 | 17.93 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 16:22:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z87ou/my_husband_isnt_attracted_to_me_anymore/
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We just had a more serious talk about us and my body. He usually doesn't comment on my body or eating habits out of respect for me, but this time I was pretty much pushing him for answers. Wanted to know what he was thinking. And I find out he doesn't find me attractive anymore, he liked my body better when I was hovering between obese/overweight.

I'm not upset with him, but I still left the conversation to quietly cry in the bedroom. Idk what to do or feel right now...

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[Discussion] Is it even possible to track calories from chewing and spitting?
/u/lord_pterodactyl
Created: Mon Mar 13 16:10:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z852t/is_it_even_possible_to_track_calories_from/
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Obviously you still absorb/ingest calories from chewing and spitting...

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[Discussion] "Safe" foods to help when you feel woozy while fasting?
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 204.6 lbs | -70.4lbs | GW: 115 | 26F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 15:48:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z80g9/safe_foods_to_help_when_you_feel_woozy_while/
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I get kinda dizzy and woozy sometimes while fasting, and was wondering what your go-to safe things that help are.. I usually go for a cup of apple juice but I'm not a huge fan of the amount of sugar that has.

What are your go-tos? Not extremely filling, but help so you don't pass out.

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[Help] Question.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Mar 13 14:44:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z7llc/question/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Starbucks gave wrong size
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 13 14:38:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z7k4f/starbucks_gave_wrong_size/
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[removed]

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[Help] excuses to get out of eating?
/u/burningspoke [5'0''| 89.2 lbs | 19f]
Created: Mon Mar 13 14:31:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z7ilt/excuses_to_get_out_of_eating/
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i've been repeating a lot of the same excuses when people offer me food and i was hoping you guys could help me out!


-i already ate earlier when I was out/home

-i'm allergic/lactose intolerant

-my brother really likes x, i'll save some for him

-i don't really like x

-i feel kind of sick right now, i don't feel like eating

-i'm fasting for a doctor's appointment



what are some of your go-to excuses??

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Low Immune System?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 13 14:30:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z7i7h/low_immune_system/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] iCloud loaded 900 old (fat) pics onto my phone
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 13 14:25:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z7h8e/icloud_loaded_900_old_fat_pics_onto_my_phone/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Question about chewing and spitting?
/u/proedthrowaway1
Created: Mon Mar 13 12:53:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6vq7/question_about_chewing_and_spitting/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] I KNEW IT.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Mar 13 12:50:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6uzs/i_knew_it/
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[removed]

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So i found somebody new and I'm obsessed. Shes @slvnklvr on ig omg.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 13 12:44:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6tms/so_i_found_somebody_new_and_im_obsessed_shes/
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https://i.redd.it/gsx1qu8l08ly.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] My Body Hates Me Right Now
/u/crimeforcrime [5'6" | 126 | 20.4 | -44 |F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 12:19:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6nu9/my_body_hates_me_right_now/
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On mobile, tag as rant/rave please. So this weekend I fasted Friday and Saturday. Sunday I woke up feeling pretty horrible, feverish and worn down. I drank a bunch of water and still didn't feel better. I planned on having dinner with my mom, but tried to eat something small to start feeling better. Instead, I mini binged. I didn't want to purge because I didn't feel that great to begin with. But I ended up purging anyway. Then repeated mini binge/purge a couple hours later. Then had dinner with my mom and purged that too. Today I feel so shitty, I used to b/p every day years ago but haven't had a day like yesterday in a long time. I had some oatmeal and an apple for breakfast because I had a physiology test today. I just want to lay in bed and sleep my life away right now. I kind of feel like I'm losing it today and I can't tell anyone that. I'm sorry this post is so pointless, I just feel like I'm falling apart and needed to say it to someone.

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[Discussion] Are you guys miserable?
/u/foldedpapercranes [5'6'' | 105lbs | bmi 17| F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 12:09:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6lgg/are_you_guys_miserable/
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I'm not talking about our thoughts on our bodies or depression and insecurity. I'm specifically talking about hunger and cravings and thoughts of food.

I'm pretty miserable both when restricting and now, at 12-1300 calories. I just want to be able to eat what I want! I want to eat what I want...but I also want to be thin.

I know a lot of you have done this for long enough that you don't mind it...but I think about food every second of my life, even if I'm not restricting. I just crave delicious foods. I can't accept that I will NEVER get to eat them without having to go hungry before or after.

If I can't do it forever, I wonder if it's worth being miserable over. I am 108 lbs today. I've not lost weight in 2 weeks.

I work a 12 hr shift with a girl who is so thin. I watched her eat 600 calories during this period and she was perfectly full. Me however ate the same but was thinking about eating more the entire 12 hrs.

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[Discussion] Anybody else feel bad about high restricting?
/u/YoungNeil69 [5'10"| 129 | ~18 | -15 | ♂ |🇩🇰 ]
Created: Mon Mar 13 12:04:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6kji/anybody_else_feel_bad_about_high_restricting/
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I eat about 1500 calories daily, but I feel like I'm overeating. Guess I'm just going crazy lol.

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[Help] My binge yesterday ended at 3500.
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 12:02:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6k0b/my_binge_yesterday_ended_at_3500/
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Actually 3900. Shit. And we are supposed to go out this Friday to a place I'm just going to log as 2000 cause its all bad for you and I have to eat or my boyfriend will be sad. I just don't know what to do. In order to balance out these two binges I can't eat more than 150 calories a day and I feel so sick from not eating right now. Any advice is welcome. I just want to lay down. My body hurts so bad.

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[Help] Road trip
/u/enfinseul [5'6 | 112.6 | 18.25 | gw👻 | f]
Created: Mon Mar 13 11:55:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6ic5/road_trip/
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...and I'm very apprehensive because I won't have my scale tonight and will be forced to eat with people. Generally, I feel safe with this person but this is the first I have really dealt with this since coming into my relapse. Any advice? :(

Apologies for no flair, on mobile

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[Rant/Rave] I'm afraid of binging tonight
/u/throw_away_fattie
Created: Mon Mar 13 11:39:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z6ev8/im_afraid_of_binging_tonight/
---
Hi everyone, I've been a long time lurker but I never had the guts to write. Hope you don't mind strangers dropping in. I have struggled with binge eating for as long as I can remember. Lately I've been so good and I've been fasting for 7 days straight (I did have a 300 cal meal on day 3 and today) and I lost 9,8 pounds so far this month. But today I can feel the binge coming, and I don't know if I can resist it this time. All I want is to shove my face in some burgers and fries. I don't know what to do.

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[Rant/Rave] Today I stopped a binge before it got out of control.
/u/barrelwaisted [5'6 | CW: shhh | GW: 110 | UGW: 100]
Created: Mon Mar 13 11:02:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z66hm/today_i_stopped_a_binge_before_it_got_out_of/
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I fasted for 17 hours, and I decided to break the fast with a banana, 12g of dark chocolate, and a cup of black coffee. That all together amounts to under 200 calories, and with dinner, I'd be at roughly 700 calories for the day.

Then I decided to open the fridge. Bad idea. I had a ham sandwich. I had 4 dough balls with garlic butter dip. Then I had a chocolate croissant. Then I had 5 chocolate cookies. All that amounts to 808 calories.

But you know what, guys? I'm not feeling discouraged. I reminded myself of my goal, that I have 7 days to lose at least 2 pounds. Sure, I feel shit and my stomach feels bloated as fuck, but I'm going to burn off as much as I can without making myself ill.

I'm just happy that I managed to stop myself before things escalated. I can do this. *I can do this.*

EDIT: Decided to tackle the calories; 700 jumping jacks, 80 squats, 5 min wall sit and half a mile walk - I'd say that's better than crying into a pillow like I'd usually do.

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[Help] help with extreme hunger
/u/Calxb [6'1| 143 | 18.6| -83 | 18/m]
Created: Mon Mar 13 10:55:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z64un/help_with_extreme_hunger/
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anyone here deal with this as well? i decided to eat maintenance today and even though im quite full right now i feel this super overwhelming desire to eat. i dont wanna give in and gain today

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[Discussion] Does anyone else "fast" for 13-17 hours a day?
/u/skaggs123
Created: Mon Mar 13 10:24:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z5y3j/does_anyone_else_fast_for_1317_hours_a_day/
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So I can't do a 24 hour fast... yet, but I figured that I can fast during the night + some hours in the morning and afternoon. I was wondering if anyone else does this and what the results are.

Edit: on mobile can't flair

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[Discussion] What are your goals for this week?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 154.8 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 08:57:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z5f8v/what_are_your_goals_for_this_week/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z5f8v/what_are_your_goals_for_this_week/

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[Rant/Rave] Getting back on track
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 13 08:38:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z5biz/getting_back_on_track/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Fat girl in a musical: Update
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 13 07:43:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z517s/fat_girl_in_a_musical_update/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] "Healthy" snacks
/u/chrissle_ [176cm|hw:106kg|cw:86kg|gw:53kg|F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 07:20:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4x9l/healthy_snacks/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I'd rather die than recover.
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Mon Mar 13 07:08:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4vc1/id_rather_die_than_recover/
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I was in hospitalized for 17 days at 121 pounds (I'm 5'7) and now I'm in a partial program, both said the goal was for me to maintain and be healthy but I recently found where my mum hid the scale and stupidly weighed myself. 130 fucking pounds.... I don't want to eat and I surely don't want to keep doing this.. I don't know what to do anymore

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[Help] appetite suppressants?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 13 06:53:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4sre/appetite_suppressants/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] what am i doing
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 13 06:27:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4oye/what_am_i_doing/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Fighting cravings!!
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Mon Mar 13 06:25:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4oo9/fighting_cravings/
---
I have never really struggled with this until recently, but my god... yesterday I binged and had at least 2600 calories (I was severely restricting successfully before that). I had shit food completely devoid of any nutritional value, and all I could feel was this overwhelming sense of dread that I was falling back into habits I had before I lost weight. Also I gained about 4 pounds over the past week.

Welllllll it turns out that it was my period speaking loudly to me.
How do I deal with cravings for shit food? Is this nornal? And I know people gain weight around that time, but does it go away?

Ugh I feel so disheartened. How could I restrict and fast for 5 days in a row and still gain weight?

Mobile can't flair.

(Also is it horrible to fast while you are on your period?)
You guys are re sincerely the best and I sincerely appreciate all of the help I get. Thank you so much- I rely so heavily on this community.

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[Discussion] BBC iPlayer - The Weight Cut: Extreme Weight Loss
/u/Rikicarvu [5'8" | 115.6lbs | 17.32 | -23lbs |]
Created: Mon Mar 13 06:22:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4oad/bbc_iplayer_the_weight_cut_extreme_weight_loss/
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http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p04t3x61/the-weight-cut-extreme-weight-loss

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! March 13, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Mar 13 06:11:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4mhv/weekly_stats_update_march_13_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for March 13, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 13, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Mar 13 06:10:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4mh2/daily_food_diary_march_13_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 13, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] I can't bear it :(
/u/l0seme [5'7" | CW 129.5 | BMI 20.28 | -15.5 | GW 110 | 21F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 05:28:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z4gb0/i_cant_bear_it/
---
Edit: on mobile! Pls flair as "rant" I guess

So I've FINALLY got friends at uni. Only two, but we hang out and do things as a group of three. They both have other, much larger friendship groups that I'm not a part of but that's okay, they still SEEM to enjoy spending time with me.

But my problem is like... okay, this is so lame but they never post photos of/with me on social media. They do with their other friends, but not me, which makes me feel like they're embarrassed to be seen with me. Of course I can't bring this up with them because it'd seem suuuuuper needy.

The bigger problem though is that one of them, L, is perfect. She's gorgeous and skinny but also a bit toned. So the three of us went out for dinner last night (I saved up my calories specially for it) and L was talking about how she's eating vegan for Lent and fasting one day a week and it was SO TRIGGERING. Plus she's noticeably lost weight since Lent started a week(?) ago.

So I came home and had a bit of a breakdown and my boyfriend said something like "You're always like this after seeing L, why do you still spend time with her if she makes you miserable?"

And it's because she's a wonderful friend! I adore her, she seems to like me, I feel happy when I'm with her as long as I don't fixate on her body. But my boyfriend is right, whenever I come home I obsessively scour social media to see if she posted a photo with me in and I pinch my fat and wish I was her.

Is it better for my mental health to have her as a friend? Or to not have any friends at all?? Idk.

Tl;dr: super perfect friend makes me feel miserable cos I'm fat and she's embarrassed to be with me but if I stop being friends with her I'll have basically nobody.

---

[Rant/Rave] Constantly tired, cold and hungry
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 13 03:18:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z41x8/constantly_tired_cold_and_hungry/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) Best Idea, or Worst Idea? Working out in front of a mirror.
/u/isolatedintrovert [155cm | CW: 44kg | GW: 41 | UGW: 38 | 19.12 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 13 03:05:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z40ls/rant_best_idea_or_worst_idea_working_out_in_front/
---
Sorry I can't flair; I'm on mobile.

To motivate myself to stick to working out daily, I decided to do my routine in front of a mirror today.

Now I find myself wanting to punch the mirror to break it and use the shards to hurt myself, because I'll never look the way I want. Even if I lose enough weight without others catching on, my body is just made all wrong and I hate it and I hate myself and I want this all to just end. I'll never be beautiful, I'm going nowhere in life, and working out/half-starving myself isn't enough punishment anymore.

Sorry if you bothered reading this. I just needed to get it out. Now to exercise until I pass out.

---

[Discussion] [Discussion]- Anorexia vs Orthorexia
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Mon Mar 13 00:23:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z3ji2/discussion_anorexia_vs_orthorexia/
---
I'm just curious how many of us have the Orthorexia subtype? I'm pretty far into my disease right now and I'm totally obsessing over my "Good" foods vs my "Bad" foods. I also have a very detailed workout routine, and a very specific caloric intake that depends on earning points based off of a crazy detailed set of rules.





I'm currently looking for a new protein powder. Any recs? Gotta be sweetner free, dairy free, soy free, low carb, and easily soluble in water.





I was just wondering if there where any other Orthorexics out there. If so tell me your current obsession whether it be excercize, fasting or food related. What type of rules do you currently follow and do you feel self-righteous or do you hide it?

---

[Intro] I'm back!
/u/comelychaos
Created: Sun Mar 12 23:57:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z3ged/im_back/
---
I am officially acknowledged I'm an alcoholic. My bf has been pestering me about my drinking for weeks now. Yesterday I realized all my cash went to booze and now I'm afraid of how I'm going to buy more. Today I ended one of my friendships (w/e I didn't like her anyway) over a FB argument because I drinking and being careless with my words at noon. And I just got done cutting myself!

But hey, at least i'm taking my psych meds again and outside of alcohol I've eaten sub 500 calories. Soon I'll have the courage to weigh myself again.

Go me? Help me?

---

[Help] Nutrition/protein to live off of for a few days
/u/allieee212 [short | ~ | ~ | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 23:43:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z3eqr/nutritionprotein_to_live_off_of_for_a_few_days/
---
Hello! I'm traveling with someone pretty soon. I have... issues around eating "normal food" so I'm going to try to live off of nutrition/protein bars for those few days.

Any recommendations on which bars? I considered Quest but I don't want to have digestive issues during those days so I'm not sure—I've never eaten more than one Quest bar in a day.

I'm already pretty sure I'm going to use bars because I have a lot of issues with other foods when I don't know exactly what's going into them. >_>

Thanks!

---

Can't stop
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 12 23:24:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z3c8p/cant_stop/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] Can't decide whether to maintain or lose
/u/chocclia [165 | 45 | 16.5 | -12 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 21:25:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z2uq1/cant_decide_whether_to_maintain_or_lose/
---
I'm so stuck in trying to work out whether I want to maintain or lose. When I look in the mirror and see myself and think I'm too skinny, but at the same time seeing fat on my thighs makes me 'fat'.

I'm not considered underweight until BMI 16.5, and that's what I have set my first gw to. I'm only 1kg (2lbs) away from it, but I can't help wanting to just maintain for a while, even though that's basically what I've been doing all 2017 (only lost 1kg since Jan, and that was in the last two weeks).

On one hand, if I lose anymore my mother & psychs are going to comment, which is gonna open up a potential shitstorm (at 49kg I was told not to lose anymore weight because I was 'underweight', but that was using adult BMI), and I'm so tired that I can barely function at school, fall asleep the moment I get home, missing a lot of days etc. But on the other, I feel like I just _have_ to get below 16.5, then 15 to even feel 'worthy'. It's not so much a body image thing any more as just a numbers thing. I _have_ to get as low as possible.

I'm thinking I might find a middle ground of eating maintenance some days, and deficits the others. Beyond 16.5 my only goal really is to be 40kg-ish before December because I'm going away and want to be able to eat as much as I can without gaining being a concern. If I was to eat 1500 a day, I'd get there, but it'd be so slow. If I was to eat 1200, I'd be there by June.

I'm just stuck and have no idea what to do and can't make a decision - one minute it's one thing and the next it's the other - and it's detrimental to my productivity. I can't do anything because I'm just so busy running numbers trying to decide whether to get to 16.5 and maintain, maintain now at 16.9, or lose very very very slowly and not give a fuck about how quickly I get to 16.5. _sigh_. I just can't think straight anymore, I think I'm nearing my wits end.

Edit: Still can't flair, I'm on mobile 99% of the time sorry!

---

[Rant/Rave] really just had a bad week and weekend but i am not giving up!
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|UGW:115 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 21:09:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z2sa0/really_just_had_a_bad_week_and_weekend_but_i_am/
---
i was feeling like i was really getting into the swing of things again. i was fasting and drinking hella water and tea/coffee and while i was sometimes hungry, a few carrots or some spinach made sure i did not go crazy with chocolate or anything. Then i lost my wallet on wednesday and it all really went to crap super fast. i was just so upset that i had lost the wallet my brother had gotten me for chistmas that i said "f it" and just binged like i have never binged before. like i wasnt even really hungry i just wanted to eat something to take my mind off it. and this has continues till now. I am sitting here feeling like i have gained at least 5 pounds since wednesday but i am optimistic still! someone turned in my wallet and i will be picking it up tomorrow. I will be fasting tomorrow and tuesday and ideally have a small salad on wednesday. I have an exam tuesday so i will not be doing anything tomorrow besides studying but i will be going to the gym after my test on tuesday. I will also try to go wednesday before work and thursday before class. I do not mean to like throw this all out here but if i write things down and plan ahead like this then i am more likely to stick with the plan. next week is spring break and while i will not be the weight i was hoping to be by then, i will have a whole week to get myself back into the routine of minimal eating and at least an hour of exercise before school resumes and i might have a chance of being happy with myself by the time the semester ends. i had a bad week but i am turning it around!

---

[Help] Help ending a binge cycle. What's your motivation?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 12 21:03:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z2r9a/help_ending_a_binge_cycle_whats_your_motivation/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Getting back on track, feel like a failure.
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 116.4|19.9(COUNTS AS BEING IN THE TEENS)| Lost: 44|GW:☠]
Created: Sun Mar 12 21:01:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z2r0a/getting_back_on_track_feel_like_a_failure/
---
The last month or so I've barely even tracked my calories. I feel like I'm a fraud, because of how easily I fell right back into my disgusting eating habits, and how could anyone who stuffs their face as much as I do have an eating disorder? Almost everyday for the last 2 weeks I've said "okay, I'm getting back on track tomorrow, but today isn't a good day because _____" (job interview, family dinner, my yogurt is about to go bad and if I've already eaten by 9am then what's the point of even trying?). Today my scale said 125.4, and even though I know there's water weight (TMI, I'm constipated af right now) I'm estimating myself to be somewhere around 119, 120. If I stayed on track I would be somewhere around 100 by now.


SO, went out and bought some bronkaid, going to try to EC stack for the first time tomorrow. It makes me want to cry that I'm going to have to work so much harder to hit a new low weight. I used to hit a new low weight atleast every week :(.

Anyway, could totally use a little positivity right now, I hate what I've turned into this past month. If anyone has some advice for not beating yourself up too hard when you fall down it would be much appreciated, I'm a sucker for good quotes :/

---

[Rant/Rave] buzzing away from tacos
/u/wildflower_0ne [5'2 | 112.5 | 21.32 | 26F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 20:28:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z2lgo/buzzing_away_from_tacos/
---
so some of you may have read my pathetic rambling intro post from a little while ago and know that i'm v sad over a dumb boy. so i've been tindering and bumbling to try to get over it and there's one guy that i've actually been steadily talking to, but since i've been sick for a couple weeks so we haven't met up yet. and then he texts me this today. i literally haaate people seeing me eat, but of course dating has to revolve around food for some reason. but i shut that down. and now he probably thinks i'm weird. (before this he asked me what my favorite food is and i said i don't really have one, and then he responded with the "well as long as you eat something.") bah.

just posting this cause i know some of you single folk can probably relate. UGH DATING IS HARD.

http://imgur.com/a/5udnl

---

[Rant/Rave] Lost weight, but nothing FEELS different
/u/ilikecocoakrispies [5'1 | CW: 125 | GW:100 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 20:21:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z2k74/lost_weight_but_nothing_feels_different/
---
I was at around 142 lbs in january and now im down to about 124, but i dont feel like i've lost any weight. All my clothes seem to fit about the same and i feel like my face and body look exactly the same. I feel like i'm going crazy, i've lost nearly 20 pounds according to my scale but literally NOTHING has changed and I'm losing the little motivation i had. I just feel so lost.

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[Rant/Rave] Denial and hiding
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 143.2 | 20.4 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 20:18:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z2jqw/denial_and_hiding/
---
I don't know if anyone noticed but I haven't been around much lately. I hit my first GW (145!), plateaued, told myself I was ok. Stopped seeing my therapist because it's through my school and they're too busy anyway. Stopped logging in MFP and happyscale because yeah, I can seamlessly transition into a healthy lifestyle. Totally.


Hahaha nope it's been two weeks of binges and crying and family size bags of pretzels at 1am because god knows where my self worth went. Two weeks of hiding from this sub because I don't want to admit how weak I continue to be. And now I'm at my parents house for break with family mealtimes and no scale and it's as if I just woke up and am fucking panicking.


Does anyone else go on these cycles of "oh, it's fine, I can be healthy" -> binging and hiding from the sub-> "OMG WHAT DID I DO"? How do you keep yourself on track/emotionally stable? How do I recover from this weird unhealthy phase?

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[Rant/Rave] Just binged oops
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 108lb | UGW 98lb |F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 19:26:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z2ax3/just_binged_oops/
---
The week had been so good, until today I ended up feeling terrible, feeling lonely, I had made plans to go out with my family but they cancelled on me, which meant now I had nothing to do all day because I had specially made sure I had the day free, ''that's ok I can find someone else to spend time today'' nope, friends all busy, online friends all busy, everyone busy meanwhile I'm alone like a loser on a sunday. The gloomy weather did not help my mood.

Long story short, ended up binging and I feel so gross and bloated ugh, the only good thing I can see coming out of this is that I feel replsed by the snacks I binged on now so I don't think I'll be buying them ever again.

Well, one day out of 7 is...not the worst thing, but still...sigh

---

[Discussion] Anyone else's joints hurt when they're restricting?
/u/lonelysweetpotato [5'7 | 135 | 21.1 | -35 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 19:19:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z29sq/anyone_elses_joints_hurt_when_theyre_restricting/
---
After about a week or so of restricting my joints will start to hurt. The hunger isn't that bad but feeling like i have the body of a 90 year old sucks.

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[Rant/Rave] Binged
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 19:08:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z27vk/binged/
---
Dammit. I just ate 3 bagels, 3 packs of goldfish, and 4 servings of cheezits. Fuck. That fucking carb binge. Jesus. I'm dying. And I'm drunk af. I don't plan to stop drinking but damn this sucks and throws off all my plans. A 2000 calorie binge in motion. I'm gonna return to whale status ):

---

Texas Roadhouse has great purging bathrooms.
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:114.2🌸 BMI:20.2🌙 -30.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Sun Mar 12 19:00:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z26f6/texas_roadhouse_has_great_purging_bathrooms/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I pour dish soap on my food.
/u/lilialley
Created: Sun Mar 12 18:59:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z26aj/i_pour_dish_soap_on_my_food/
---
I've been in a several month long binge. I've never been so ashamed of myself. I'm trying so hard to get out of it, nothing works. I've gained at least 15 pounds, I look fatter than I ever have. A very overweight BMI.

I buy binge food. I eat half of it. I pour dish soap over the rest before I throw it away, so I don't eat it out of the trash like a fucking animal. I'm so ashamed. What is wrong with me?

---

[Discussion] What is your food background?
/u/crybabybulimic [5'4" | 🙃 | -7 | GW: 100lbs |]
Created: Sun Mar 12 18:15:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z1ybb/what_is_your_food_background/
---
(Discussion, sorry I'm on mobile)

Growing up, my mum was at work most of the time, and fed me fast food and other junk throughout my childhood, which fuelled my bad relationship with food.

On the other hand, I have friends who were raised with "normal" diets (plenty of fresh food/home cooked etc) who still developed EDs.

What kind of 'food background' do you guys come from?

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[Rant/Rave] I fucked up
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW127 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 16:51:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z1itx/i_fucked_up/
---
I decided to try "intuitive eating." Just for like three days. Aaaaand... I gained weight. Fuck. Now it's back to 700 calories a day. Why the hell is this so hard for me?? I really hate myself sometimes.

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[Rant/Rave] The difference of five pounds
/u/thinspirit_ [5'6 | 122 | UGW: 112]
Created: Sun Mar 12 16:37:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z1gb1/the_difference_of_five_pounds/
---
I'm currently sitting at 122-123 pounds (though I haven't stepped on my scale for a while because I hate seeing that number), but about a month ago, I was at ~117. I still was at a healthy BMI, but oh man, did my life feel great back then. I remember feeling confident no matter what I wore, even wanting the weather to get warmer so I could flaunt my legs and arms. I ate without shame of looking like a pig, but with the self-assurance that I looked fit and healthy.
Now? I feel disgusted when I wear skinny jeans and tight shirts. I want to eat all of my meals alone and in a corner.
I know it's just five, FIVE, pounds, but the difference it makes in my head is ridiculous. I am not the same person I was when my weight was in the teens.
117 wasn't even my GW. I can't believe I let myself back up to 122.

EDIT: Thank you all for your replies! Ugh, it's so nice to hear from people who are similar.

---

[Help] I have this terrible fear of losing my teeth due to ED
/u/min_imalist [5'0 | CW: 75lbs | BMI 14.3 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 16:31:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z1f4f/i_have_this_terrible_fear_of_losing_my_teeth_due/
---
It doesn't help that my parents both have.. well, not great teeth. I'm so so afraid that they'll just rot away.

I'm doing what I can by brushing them and using mouthwash but this 'lifestyle' is taking its toll on them, and my dentist was shocked to see how frail they are.

What do you all do to keep your teeth okay?

Have a nice day, guys. God knows we all need it.

---

[Rant/Rave] just having a pretty good day
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 148.2 | -48lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Sun Mar 12 16:22:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z1ddy/just_having_a_pretty_good_day/
---
So I reached a new low weight (for this relapse) today after a mini plateau, feeling pretty good. Especially since I ate like shit yesterday. Wear a nice outfit, boyfriend comments that he likes it (since for almost 2 years I only wore leggings because nothing at all fit). Then we were playing around and he picked me up and exclaimed that I was so much lighter! If that ain't motivation idk what is

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[Rant/Rave] Reached First Goal! ... and then failed.
/u/shiver23 [5'5.5 | CW: 134 lbs l UGW: 120><105 lbs l -16 lbs | 25F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 16:22:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z1dbu/reached_first_goal_and_then_failed/
---
So I reached my first goal of 135 pounds a few days ago. (1/3 to my UGW of 105).

I was feeling really good about myself & I know my clothes are getting looser & my figure is coming back. However, due to my high restriction <900 I've been REALLY sleepy lately. Like, sleeping 14 - 18 hours a day on days off sleepy... *sigh*


 



My partner knows about my ED & is supportive. He's okay with me restricting as long as it doesn't start affecting my physical health or make my depression/anxiety unbearable. Because I've lost quite a lot of weight fast he's been complimenting my figure & praising my commitment to getting healthier.

However, because I've been so exhausted, he insisted I go eat something high in carbs/fats. I tried to resist, but I know that sleeping all day isn't exactly good, so I picked out something under my TDEE & went for fast food (I don't usually binge so I wasn't super concerned, just reluctant.)

Needless to say after a burger, fries & a small icecream from DQ + the healthy food I ate that day, my cal log for yesterday was at ~<1300.


 



I knew that meant I would still mantain, but the scale this morning said I was 136.8 instead of the 135.2 I had reached two days ago. I feel so gross & want to fast, but I'm trying for <600 calories today + LOTS of exercise so I can keep losing.

I have lost ~15 pounds since the beginning of January & I have 30 lbs to go. Based on my averages I should be near my goal weight by July at the latest.


 



Does anyone have any tips regarding ensuring energy levels are okay during restriction? I drink Coke Zero, Vitamin Zero or Mio Sport when I need a boost of caffeine or electrolytes. I get potassium because I eat fish quite a bit. My iron levels are the biggest concern I think.

Am I crazy to believe my scale when it says I gained over a pound? Do you think I should scale back my restriction so I don't hurt myself too much?

*sighs* Thank you guys for letting me vent & being so supportive.

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[Help] "healthy fats" are a grand conspiracy against me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 12 16:19:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z1cuo/healthy_fats_are_a_grand_conspiracy_against_me/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] oh shit what the fuuucckk
/u/skinny-waifu [5'2|HW 150 |CW 121|LW 113|F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 15:17:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z10qm/oh_shit_what_the_fuuucckk/
---
so i had a mental breakdown today beause i ate some pancakes and two veggie sausages and scrambled eggs and 4 bon bons and I stareted drinking. I'm relly drunk. I had a mentak breakdown. I think I may be suffering from phychotic depresstion. I think I ate over 200o calories. I feel so horrible. I fit into shorts that I grew out of and this made me feel like such a fat little fucker? Anyone lese in Ireland? I drunk e-mailed a bunch of services I also think my boyfriend might be trying to kill himself. iread a thing where he said "try not to kill yourself for two weeks" and I just feel so bad because I want to kill meself too? Also he said he went to the gym and he didn't. I am so rry that this is long winded i just you all are so lovely/ I gained so much weoght when I got to college and I', scared I only ate under 500cals last week i know this os unhealthy and i', 19years olfishould have my shit togther everyone else in my friends grew outofthisshit and i still want to fucking starve and die? you know? I think i drank a lot more than I though i did, can you estimate calories. I feel very safe here. I love you all/ thnak ypu.

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[Rant/Rave] Was cast as the fat girl in a musical...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 12 14:42:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z0tvj/was_cast_as_the_fat_girl_in_a_musical/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] NYT Investigation shows gross inaccuracies in nutrition labelling
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 12 14:31:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z0rsd/nyt_investigation_shows_gross_inaccuracies_in/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=HGunZpKLb5o

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[Goal] Just excited
/u/frameworkautoco
Created: Sun Mar 12 14:29:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z0rfo/just_excited/
---
So this is just like a rant but I'm stoked and idk, just wanted to tell someone?

Threw my scale out in frustration at 122 lbs. I don't know my current weight. I'm 5'8" and roughly a size 3.

I went from 100-105 to freaking 125 over the past year due to a combination of moving to a less active job and trying to break the binge/purge cycle. I've had to do a lot of work to stop eating so much with the idea that I can just take it back out later. I know I'm physically more healthy despite the extra pounds, and it's nice to keep food down (ok it still feels really fucking weird tbh). But I also look really out of shape and my old clothes don't fit.

So I made a goal-size drawer. All the stuff, even if it's not quite my style anymore, that I want to fit correctly again. It fit right when I was at my best size, around 105.

I just put the first item in the drawer back in my regular clothes!! It fits! I'm making tangible progress!

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[Rant/Rave] An extra 300 calories a day pushes my goal weight timescale back an extra 3 months...
/u/Clarl020 [5ft2 | CW: 106lbs | GW: 93(?)lbs | BMI: 19.4 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 13:53:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z0kej/an_extra_300_calories_a_day_pushes_my_goal_weight/
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Chocolate Oreos were on offer in Tesco so I grabbed a pack and told myself that I would only be allowed one a day, I even put them in individual little zip-lock bags so that I wouldn't be tempted to eat them all like my fat ass normally does... and then fucking binged anyway like the piece of shit I am and ate the entire packet in one go. Fuck me.

I logged the 714 (!!!!!) calories into Loseit (new to this app and I think I like it more than mfp) and it told me that if I lived every day like this, I wouldn't reach my goal weight until mid-July... HOLY fuck... Normally when I stay under my goal it says I'll reach my goal by mid-April...

Eating these Oreos put me 332 calories above my daily goal as I just skipped lunch to accommodate them. But HOLY FUCK knowing that just 300 carries can mean a 3 months difference between when I reach my goal has motivated me like fuck. It didn't click in my brain until now that binging on "just a few!!!" snacks could mean THAT MUCH difference. No more binging for me. I'm just not going to buy snacks. If they aren't in my cupboard, I can't fucking eat them!

I am an idiot for not realising this sooner. I mean, I knew binging was fucking stupid of me but I have the self control of a fucking walrus. Seeing that timescale made me feel physically sick. I can do this. I don't need oreos, jaffa cakes, pringles, all my other normal binge foods. I have a meal plan mapped out that puts me under 800 cal each day (I've been following this for a few months now just binges kept fucking it up lol), plus I run 20k a week (trying for 25k this week!), I can fucking do this. I can reach 100lbs by April. I know I fucking can. All it will take is some self con-fucking-trol but I can do it now!

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[Help] My ED has really just warped my sense of reality, and it's crippling me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 12 13:41:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z0i15/my_ed_has_really_just_warped_my_sense_of_reality/
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[deleted]

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[Help] guys help pls
/u/faebun [5'6 | 125.6lb | 20.35 | -38.8 | NB]
Created: Sun Mar 12 13:01:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z0a7k/guys_help_pls/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] Daily thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun Mar 12 12:49:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z07ns/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/ab8ox3diw0ly.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Trying to plan clothing months in advance is hell
/u/Missy_Is_Bitter [5'3"| HW:218| CW:177.4|GW:95 | 23F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 12:31:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5z042t/trying_to_plan_clothing_months_in_advance_is_hell/
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I'm trying to plan a few cosplays for a convention at the end of May, and I want to tear my fucking hair out right now.

I can't fucking start making anything. I can't buy pieces. I don't know how much I'm going to weigh in 2 months. Will I get stuck in a binge cycle 3 weeks from now when finals come crashing down on me and gain a dress size? Will I be super good and wind up losing 20 more pounds like I want to? Will I wind up yo yoing between the same 5 pounds like I have for the past several weeks? (I finally bought batteries for my scale, btw. I only lost like 3lbs in the past month, but I think I went down a dress size because of how those pants suddenly go on my gigantic ass).

One of the pieces I'm really stressing out about is a corset. If I lose 20 more lbs by the convention, my waist will probably be around 28 inches. I'm a 30-31 right now without sucking it in, depending on bloat and if I've had anything to eat/drink before measuring. So if I get a corset, the reasonable normal person thing to do would be buy the 24 inch corset and be happy with a reasonable 4 inch reduction that I could continue on with for quite a bit. But what if I keep loosing and wind up closer to a 26 inch waist after the convention? That would mean I could wear a 22 inch corset and still have 4 inches of reduction with it closed. So if I buy the 24 inch now, and keep getting smaller like I want to after, I've wasted money on 2 extra inches that are now keeping me from lacing as tight as I want. And I keep trying to explain this to people and they keep encouraging me to get the bigger one because it'll be more comfortable. It's a fucking corset, and while wearing one shouldn't be terribly painful, they're not exactly supposed to be the most comfortable garment in the world. I feel like if I order the larger one I'll have wasted money. Like right now I have 2 26 inch corsets that I can close completely over my actual waist and it's really upsetting because that shit isn't cheap.

I think I'm going to order all 22s... They're going to be under my clothes anyway, so no one will see if the modesty panel doesn't cover everything... If I'm closing a 26 inch corset at the waist while at a 31 measurement I can probably at least get it cinched well enough if I get down to a 28....

Am I fucking crazy though, or does anyone else obsess about wearing things months in advance? Like I have spent two days thinking about this fucking cosplay.

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[Rant/Rave] Truly a disorder, never happy.
/u/megamorphaseez
Created: Sun Mar 12 12:10:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yzzyr/truly_a_disorder_never_happy/
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The problem with an ED is it is just that, a disorder. It's disordered thinking. I continually think that I just need to lose that last 10 pounds, but once that's done I somehow still don't feel better, in most cases I feel worse, and I think the only way to make it better is lose more weight. It's a horrible cycle of disordered thinking that for some of us, truly never comes to an end point until we've starved ourselves to death or close to. I can openly admit that no matter how much weight I lose I will always find some reason to need to restrict more and lose more, it never leaves my mind. It is truly a disorder of the mind.

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Emptied my new cat's litter box for the first time...
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 110 | UGW: 85 | -21 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 11:18:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yzpz6/emptied_my_new_cats_litter_box_for_the_first_time/
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[removed]

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[Other] Drinking too much and bulimia actually go pretty well together
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 12 11:14:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yzp4p/drinking_too_much_and_bulimia_actually_go_pretty/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Everything feels like such chore when I'm not underweight
/u/almostwispy
Created: Sun Mar 12 10:48:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yzka1/everything_feels_like_such_chore_when_im_not/
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I was underweight from age 15 until I got pregnant at age 33. I've been stuck at a normal BMI ever since giving birth. I'm about 8 lbs away from getting back to being my old self. But I've been stuck at this point for more than a year.

I loved being underweight. Life always felt like an adventure. I didn't worry about feeling fat. I looked great in all my clothes. Photos were no problem no matter what angle they were shot from. My reflection always looked thin no matter what mirror or window I passed. I was never afraid to catch a glimpse of any part of my body bc of course it was going to look tiny.

This is no longer the case. Life now feels like I'm waiting until I'm thin to have any fun. I'm terrified of getting dressed bc of how my hips or thighs might look or feel in my clothes. I have only 6 photos of me holding my baby bc I'm so ashamed of how I look in photos. I avoid mirrors and especially hate seeing my legs in all reflective surfaces. I have a hard time doing everyday tasks bc I'm always trying not to catch a glimpse of any part of my body since I no longer enjoy seeing any part of me bc I look so 'average' and am no longer impossibly dainty.

On the rare days when I feel like I've lost a little weight and actually feel thin, my life feels magical. I want to do things. Chores, exercise, playing with my kid. It all feels so great.

The other 98% of the time, just feeling the weight of myself makes me so unhappy that just getting out of bed feels like a chore, nevermind taking care of a 14 month old.

I don't enjoy life when I'm not underweight.

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[Rant/Rave] For the first time in my life, I'm at a normal BMI.
/u/barrelwaisted [5'6 | CW: shhh | GW: 110 | UGW: 100]
Created: Sun Mar 12 09:25:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yz5kd/for_the_first_time_in_my_life_im_at_a_normal_bmi/
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I've been gaining weight since around 2-3 months ago; I've gained 13 pounds. I checked my weight today, and it's at 117 pounds.
I got a sick feeling in my stomach and ran to the bathroom; the anxiety gave me diarrhea.
My SO weighs less than me, for fuck's sake. He encourages me eating, and whenever I eat my family is happy as well.
But I'm so distraught about being at a healthy BMI because I'm so used to being underweight. I saw the physical changes but I was too afraid to check my weight, and now my anxiety has flared up.
I used to restrict as a means of control, and 2-3 months ago I started binging because I needed to use something to fill an empty void, and I used food for this.
Sorry for rambling, but I needed to get this off my chest because I'm so sad but I cannot tell a soul.

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[Rant/Rave] wish id never started
/u/bvvvg
Created: Sun Mar 12 09:04:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yz21x/wish_id_never_started/
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if you've never purged before, listen to the people who say you're better off. ive fucked up my digestion beyond repair. trying to keep a meal down gives me such pain i spend most of my time praying to god that if i could just feel better i'd never make myself throw up again. but what do i do? throw up again! i feel like such an idiot. i wish i could go back to when it all started and stop myself

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[Discussion] "Pick-me-up" drinks?
/u/skinny-waifu [5'2|HW 150 |CW 121|LW 113|F]
Created: Sun Mar 12 08:10:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yytoi/pickmeup_drinks/
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What are some great low calorie energy drinks or sodas to drink when you've been restricting all week and feel like you're about to pass out? I was too afraid to drink anything fizzy but I had a Blue Monster before a microbiology lab AND HOLY SHIT I've never felt so great in my life. *don't say coffee I hate coffee*

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[Tip] Good post by a guy who lost 260 pounds by restricting
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 12 06:55:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yyjt5/good_post_by_a_guy_who_lost_260_pounds_by/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1o5ndh/iama_guy_who_went_from_430_pounds_to_170_pounds/

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Mar 12 06:08:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yyecg/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
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Happy Sunday March 12, 2017~

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 12, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Mar 12 06:08:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yyec0/daily_food_diary_march_12_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for March 12, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] Does purging calm anyone else or is it just me?
/u/peachyoat
Created: Sun Mar 12 03:18:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yxx42/does_purging_calm_anyone_else_or_is_it_just_me/
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Sorry if this story is boring - Ok so my plan for today was to fast all day and then just eat dinner without bringing it back up. I got through the day fine, had dinner and then out of the blue a family which we haven't seen in YEARS decide to drop in. It was a nice surprise to see them all as I used to hang out with the kids of this family when I was younger, I'd been feeling depressed and like shit all day so it actually lifted my mood quite a bit until the mother of this family started to talk to my mom and my brother pointing out how much healthier and skinnier they look and making a big deal out of the fact that they looked soooo much skinnier since last time she saw them and then says absolutely nothing to me. I know she didn't mean to make me feel like shit I'm not angry at her or anything, it was completely unintentional and I know that so anyway I excuse myself to have a shower and had a bit of an 'ill fucking show them I can fucking lose weight too' moment and purged. It's bullshit like I have tried so fucking hard and have lost 10kg since November last year which to me is huge.

I don't know why but I always feel so calm and content after purging like I feel like it doesn't matter if everything else is going to shit because I can control this, I'm doing something good. Does anyone else get a feeling like this afterwards? Like I genuinely feel happy and it never fails to makes me feel better, I use it as a coping mechanism

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Reflecting over the past 2 weeks
/u/CharChar12 [5' 9.5 |160lbs|23.5| Male]
Created: Sun Mar 12 01:51:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yxuii/reflecting_over_the_past_2_weeks/
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I've been restricting hella hard and successfully! I've made some nice losses and my flair weight is outdated. I feel good about myself. I've been happier and I no longer feel depressed. I even FEEL like Im thinner even though I still have progress to make. The thin feeling has even made me want to restrict more :) that is all

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[Rant/Rave] mo' money mo' binges
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 153lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -12lbs | f]
Created: Sun Mar 12 01:42:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yxtrg/mo_money_mo_binges/
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literally looking at money i spend on groceries/ubereats and like lmao

how much money have i wasted on puking?

(at least 500 since the beginning on 2017 on pukefood i could have done so many better things with that food/money like fuck me)

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[Thinspo] On mobile/can't flair. Who else has thinspo pics from many years ago that still have some special trigger to them? /:
/u/missciara
Created: Sat Mar 11 23:43:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yxhnc/on_mobilecant_flair_who_else_has_thinspo_pics/
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https://i.redd.it/zqi8aej2bxky.jpg

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[Discussion] DAE have an ever growing pile of diet soda boxes? Lmao.
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Sat Mar 11 23:26:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yxfsg/dae_have_an_ever_growing_pile_of_diet_soda_boxes/
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https://i.redd.it/636n099z7xky.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Well that's pretty scary.
/u/Saphyxus [5'7" | 135 | F/NB]
Created: Sat Mar 11 23:23:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yxfh9/well_thats_pretty_scary/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGunZpKLb5o

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[Goal] Almost a week into having to eat near maintainence for my prom dress.
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Sat Mar 11 23:04:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yxd2q/almost_a_week_into_having_to_eat_near/
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Hi! Y'all may have read my last post about having to maintain my weight for about a month, because I need to fit into my prom dress (size 8) by early April next month.

This is stressful. I won't lie, I constantly feel like I'm over eating. My head hurts a lot. My weight definitely has stayed about the same, 153/154 at 5'9.. so at least I know if I eat more I won't just balloon up. But I can do it until prom! I am eating slightly below maintainence so I'm hoping I'll be near 150/149 by prom. Anyways, this has been both stressful and frankly, eye opening. I can't wait to get back to heavy restricting, but yeah. This probably isn't too interesting, but it's a new experience for me, controlled maintaining. Thanks for listening, and I'll see y'all a lot more after prom.

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[Rant/Rave] The drop off point
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 11 23:02:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yxcu3/the_drop_off_point/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Am I deluding myself?
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW:190lb | CW:150.1lb | GW:90lb | 27.5/28.4 | -39.9lb]
Created: Sat Mar 11 20:19:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ywpsv/am_i_deluding_myself/
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I want to maintain when I reach my goal weight, but I'm already pushing it lower and lower. Everyone says that it's recovery or you'll just keep pushing it lower. I don't want to get so small that I have to be hospitalized and ruin everything I've worked towards but I want to be a bit underweight. Will I be able to stop and maintain or is it a fantasy I'll never actually do?

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[Rant/Rave] I saw the smallest girl today at work. It made me hate myself.
/u/theironyengine [F26 | CW 130 | UGW 115 ]
Created: Sat Mar 11 20:17:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ywphp/i_saw_the_smallest_girl_today_at_work_it_made_me/
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I work at Superstore. A giant Walmart type store in Canada. The food is not an issue for me. I can ignore it pretty well nowadays since I don't bring any money with me

But

This girl. She must have been a teenager. She was so thin. So unbelievably thin and perky. I'm thin but I'm not the thin I want to be. I'm not the kind of always has been thin always will be like she is.

I kept walking around hoping to see her and I did. I watched her a lot and basically imprinted her body into my mind. I hated eating my last snack which was chocolate covered macadamia nuts from Hawaii that my MIL brought back. I haven't eaten dinner either. I hate how soft and flubby my waist is, it's just so gross to me.

I haven't really processed these feelings and I'm hoping writing here helps. Sharing helps. I already feel ready to get out of bed and vape to stimulate my appetite.

Sometimes just having this sub and being able to share these thoughts is enough to push me through.

Thanks for reading.

God, she must have been a perfect 95lbs. I see a lot of fit thin people but she stuck out like a crush. I see some anorexics too but they don't look like her. She was petite and svelte.

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Be careful, your French is showing...
/u/enfinseul [5'6 | 112.6 | 18.25 | gw👻 | f]
Created: Sat Mar 11 20:06:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ywnsm/be_careful_your_french_is_showing/
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http://imgur.com/a/zbkIO

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[Rant/Rave] In which my fiancé is an actual saint.
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:114.2🌸 BMI:20.2🌙 -30.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Sat Mar 11 20:02:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ywn1x/in_which_my_fiancé_is_an_actual_saint/
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So it's one of those days where we're having a "family dinner" where we all sit awkwardly around the table and no one can avoid the meal. Family decides it's burgers tonight. FML.

I fast most of the day, trying to prepare myself for ~600 calories of hell at dinner. My period just started so I feel awful. Fiancé lets me sleep on the couch while he makes dinner.

When the time comes, he can tell I'm anxious and that's when he tells me he made my burger special - it's turkey, not beef, on a wheat bun. It's extra-tiny. He used an egg white instead of a whole egg in mine. He left out the breadcrumbs. He counted all the calories for me and the burger clocks in at ~275cals. I cry tears of joy. He made steamed corn and green beans as a side and I just...really fucking appreciate how much effort he puts into this kinda stuff. He knows I'm feeling sad and hungry and fat and gross from my period, he knows family meals and "fast" foods like burgers make me anxious. And he does everything he can to make the experience a happy one.

Like it's just little things...him noticing me eyeing the scale and being like "Don't you dare step on that thing right now. You're bloated from your period. You're just gonna see the water weight and freak out. Wait a few days." Or sometimes I'll step on the scale with my eyes closed and he'll look at the number and like...let me guess without telling me? Like if my fear is that I've gained back to 130 I'll step on the scale and guess 130 and he'll tell me if it's less or more. So I can get my weight without freaking out about the exact number or decimal. He'll be like, "you're between 120 and 123." or something and I can just breathe easier instead of stepping on the scale and freaking out because I'm 121 when I was 120.5 the day before. He's so helpful and caring.

I ate my little 300 cal burger dinner and I'm not bloated but not hungry and I just feel really, really satisfied and happy right now. It was healthy and delicious and I don't have to feel guilty about it.

Seriously can I hire one of you guys to punch me in the face if I ever fuck things up with him? I'm so lucky omfg.

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[Other] I just want to tell someone this
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: a nice body | -35 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 19:58:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ywme4/i_just_want_to_tell_someone_this/
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I'm 17. I feel trapped at home by my parents. I feel happy and normal everywhere else - hanging with friends, being at work at the nursing home, being with my lovely boyfriend - but as soon as I get back home to my nagging, bickering, unsatiable mother and my dad who I haven't spoken to for a week because I hit his car, I feel hopelessly empty and depressed again.

Just... not having my family sucks and I feel hollow and lifeless again. I've relapsed into restriction after 2 months of successfully eating well. It's the only thing that gives me feeling at home.

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[Discussion] I went shopping today and realized just how disproportionate I am.
/u/star-of-morning [5'1" | no clue | went to treatment | send help]
Created: Sat Mar 11 19:05:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ywdvd/i_went_shopping_today_and_realized_just_how/
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My girlfriend and I are in a good place again (yay!) so we went shopping. I have a horse riding competition next week and because I've gained hella weight after going to treatment, I needed some new show clothes. Anyways, I bought a pair of breeches that are 2 sizes bigger than I'd normally wear. Then I went to try some shirts. I first tried on a size large because, well, my thighs are bigger so duh my shirt size will be bigger, too, right? NOPE. The large looked ridiculous on me.

While I cried in the fitting room, my girlfriend went to find me other shirts to try on. She came back with a bunch of shirts in XXS. I wanted to kill her. If a size large made me look fat, then why would an XXS make me feel or look any better? Well, somehow the XXS looks way better on me and *actually* fits me well. It's just so fucking annoying how much my thighs carry most of my weight. I hate it.

Even when I was underweight prior to going to treatment I didn't have a thigh gap - just a keyhole gap. My upper body would look emaciated while my thighs looked so big. Ugh if I'm going to be fat, can I at least look proportionate and not ridiculous? Please.

Is anyone else crazily disproportionate?

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[Discussion] Can We Talk About Purge Harm Reduction, Pls?
/u/TarotWoman88 [5'8''| BMI 25.5 | -123 |F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 17:35:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yvz50/can_we_talk_about_purge_harm_reduction_pls/
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Let me start this off with a giant warning to people who haven't fallen into the ugly black hole that is binging and purging. If you haven't crossed this line, don't do it. Please don't do it.

Context: I'm 28 and I've been intermittently purging for 10-13 years...I've got significant scarring on both my hands. I'm going to need THOUSANDS of dollars in out-of-pocket dental work in the next year even though my insurance is very good. I'm also at an overweight BMI. Purging is not a weight loss tactic for many of us. More importantly, it's horribly, horribly dangerous.

Now that I've got that out of the way. Can we share tips for purging harm reduction, please? I'll share a few, and I'd also love to know what you know. ***Let's please avoid purging TIPS and focus on harm-reduction.***

1. Don't brush your teeth for an hour after purging. This is gross, but it mitigates the possibility that you'll further erode your tooth enamel.
2. Drink coconut water or Powerade zero when you're done. I know 20 ounces of coconut water has 100-120 calories, but it tastes like the nectar of the gods and replenishes critical electrolytes.
3. Don't try to "flush" your stomach by drinking fluids and purging repeatedly. It's super dangerous.
4. For the love of god, do NOT purge with a toothbrush or whatever else. I've heard they're horrific choking hazards.
5. Track your binges in LoseIt or MyFitnessPal as you go, which has the occasional impact of helping me stop before I get to the point where I feel like I have to purge.
6. Take supplements throughout the day. This is also something that rarely works, but sometimes I'll avoid binging (and purging) because I am horrified at the thought of how gross a supplement would taste coming back up. I need to buy capsules of fermented cod liver oil for just this reason.

What you got?

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[Discussion] fourth time purging today.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 11 17:26:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yvxia/fourth_time_purging_today/
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why does it feel so good?

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[Rant/Rave] Has anyone elses' goal changed?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 11 17:15:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yvviu/has_anyone_elses_goal_changed/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] How do you stay cheerful?
/u/pleasegodnofuck [5'3 | 852lbs | 155.1 | -11lbs | ?]
Created: Sat Mar 11 17:10:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yvunf/how_do_you_stay_cheerful/
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Not eating makes me grumpy as hell.

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[Rant/Rave] Overate...again
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 11 17:03:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yvtgn/overateagain/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] I did the most ED thing this morning. What's have you done lately that made you feel like a stereotype?
/u/inconceivable--
Created: Sat Mar 11 16:10:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yvjyq/i_did_the_most_ed_thing_this_morning_whats_have/
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This morning I made myself the most elaborate breakfast: chocolate chip pancakes, home fries, a tofu scramble, and some fresh fruit. I laid it all out on my coffee table with a big mug of coffee--it was stunning. I then proceeded to chew and spit the pancakes, home fries, and tofu scramble into a paper bag, only consuming the fruit and coffee in full. And I did it all while watching Food Network. I may be human trash, but I'm me!

What's the most ED thing you've done lately?

Edit: I am good at some things and proofreading is not one of them

---

[Rant/Rave] Is it anxiety? Is it the 300mg of caffeine I took kicking in? The world may never know!
/u/Missy_Is_Bitter [5'3"| HW:218| CW:177.4|GW:95 | 23F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 16:04:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yviyp/is_it_anxiety_is_it_the_300mg_of_caffeine_i_took/
---
Seriously, I've started upping my caffeine intake in my EC stack and I don't know if I'm just genuinely more anxious or if that feeling of anxiety is from the extra caffeine. I'm probably taking anywhere between 300-600mg a day at this point (because fuck my internal organs).
Like school and work are kind of stressful right now. And i just left my now ex fiance about a month ago but still have to deal with him because he lives with one of my best friends and we all game together (although I think I'm going to drop out of that game. I might join a different one that one of my fuckbuddies has been trying to get me to join). Money is stressful because I don't even make minimum wage anymore, and can only claim 5 hours of work a week on my paycheck because of my stipend (whoo, a whopping $500 a year).

I am also officially out of Bronkaid and if I do not get to the store by tomorrow I am going to lose my fucking shit. I literally tore apart four of my purses looking for a pill this morning and finally found ONE. I still ahve a few bags to go through, but all I have are empty fucking blister packs because I am a fucking hoarder and never throw them away for some reason.

Why the fuckity fuck am I like this?

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[Rant/Rave] my mom has starting tell me not to lose any more weight
/u/fruitygrimes [5'5 | CW 123 | BMI 20.47 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 15:18:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yvad8/my_mom_has_starting_tell_me_not_to_lose_any_more/
---
well, shit dude.
i guess i knew in my head that this would eventually happen if i kept losing weight but like, i couldn't actually imagine it ACTUALLY actually happening, y'know? also it's happening at a higher weight than i expected.
i think i'm going to raise my calorie intake so i lose weight slower therefore making the loss less obvious, but i reallllllyyyyy don't want to. i've been really happy with how i've been doing lately :( also this comment by my mom made me justify binging on chocolate for no reason, i think i was trying to prove to her that i don't have a problem or something lmfao
so when did your guys parents start becoming concerned about your weight? what did you say and how did they react to any further weight loss?
edit: spelled "well" as "gwell" how do u even make that mistake

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Hearing as someone asks me :"How would you know what people with an eating disorder think? You don't know how they think".
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 11 13:17:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yunly/hearing_as_someone_asks_me_how_would_you_know/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] goddamn. fucking. cookies.
/u/wittywaif [5'6" | whale | -99 | f]
Created: Sat Mar 11 13:12:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yumrb/goddamn_fucking_cookies/
---
hi... it's been awhile since i've poked my nose around here, but i needed to get this off my chest somewhere. i have been in a month long binge-restrict cycle from mid february until about last week and it has been absolute HELL getting myself out. finally have this week on track only for my lovely roommate to make not ONE not TWO not THREE but FOUR packages (!!!) of pillsbury cookies for what feels like no apparent reason?! i actually had to take a [photo](http://imgur.com/a/cFUVL) of them, since she made **NINETY-SIX** (yes, i counted like a crazy lady) and i literally am just in my room, sobbing uncontrollably like someone beat with with a stick. like... fuck, i don't even know what to do. i like to think of myself as a rational, intelligent person and yet balls of cheap flour, sugar, chocolate, eggs and butter are bringing me to tears of frustration and self-hatred.

so far i've eaten two for breakfast (hot right out of the oven) and then adjusted my eating plan accordingly but i am terrified i will just go to town on them once my roommate leaves. i can't just throw them away, they're not "mine" despite her leaving the rest with me. i have midterms and final projects due this month, so this time of year historically means a lot of stress eating. my roommate is bringing the container with the red lid to church with her tomorrow so those are not speaking to me at all. i've invited some friends over this afternoon so they can eat "my" share but like: what. the. fuck? i hate feeling helpless against inanimate objects like cookies that should make people happy. the smell in my apartment should be a bath & body works candle but instead is a reminder of how much control i really don't have over myself or my food. i hate cookies. i hate food. i hate feeling so helpless. i hate having a kind roommate who likes to share. i just want to wallow in my bed and let the sheets swallow me up.

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[Thinspo] Bryana Holly Thinspo Gallery
/u/nmbhtfu
Created: Sat Mar 11 11:47:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yu62t/bryana_holly_thinspo_gallery/
---
http://www.fansshare.com/gallery/photos/14654319/

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[Intro] Birthday Update/Kind of an Intro
/u/princesspineapples3 [5'3" | CW 122 | 21.6 | -10.4| 23F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 11:07:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ytycf/birthday_updatekind_of_an_intro/
---
[ON MOBILE, CANNOT FLAIR]

Hey lovelies, it's been a couple days since I last posted and all of you guys were so supportive. ❤️ A lot has happened since then and I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Bf and I have been arguing a lot, mostly for a reason I am going to explain now:
When we first started dated (I'm going to say between 1-3 months in) he would CONSTANTLY talk about girls he dated/fucked before me. I would talk about my interests, like video games, fashion, music I liked, etc and he would ALWAYS somehow mention some girl he used to fuck. "Oh this one girl I dated likes that music". "This girl I dated likes fashion too." UGH. Specifically he would always mention this girl he was so hung up on that left him, how she was a model and even showed me pictures of her in a bikini. My short, hourglass self was about to throw up. But I kept my cool.

Before I met him, I had a bad drug habit but I kicked it for him (1 year and 2 months completely clean btw as of March 2017). He said he couldn't be with me if I did drugs so I kicked it, it was hard but I did it. When I was doing drugs I was skinny because I would unintentionally go days without eating. But once I got clean for him I was eating again and gained noticeable weight. One day we were laying down and he grabbed my stomach and said "this could use some work" and it all just cane crashing down from there. The constant talking about girls from his past, talking about model fuck buddies, then insinuating I was fat AFTER ALL THAT I DID TO BE WITH HIM. I've always been self conscious of my figure, but that was the day my I felt my mental health collapse.

That was over a year ago, and we are still together. He's changed A LOT since. He knows that what he did was awful and he apologized since. He is 100x sweeter now and makes a real effort to make me feel like a princess. But that shit will always be on the back of my mind. Thinking about him fucking model type chicks is what keeps me doing what I'm doing to be thin and perfect.

We fought because I brought up the things he said to me in the past and told him that's why I need this, why I need to stop fucking stuffing food in my face. He got mad at me because he doesn't want me to do this, but I don't care. He wanted me to be skinny, now he's getting it. I struggle to restrict but I'm trying. It took me a year to only lose 10 pounds but I am trying. He told me I should go to therapy, but I don't want therapy, I want to be skinny.

Rant over. If you made it this far, congrats! Here's a rose. 🌹 Thanks for reading my rant! I've already eaten about 700 calories today and it's only 1pm, I suck.

---

[Discussion] Your experiences with blood donation and restrictive eating.
/u/Rikicarvu [5'8" | 115.6lbs | 17.32 | -23lbs |]
Created: Sat Mar 11 11:06:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yty62/your_experiences_with_blood_donation_and/
---
Hi everyone!

I'm going to give blood for the second time ever on Monday. I'm wondering if anyone has tips to make it all go as well as possible.

The last time I donated I was actually under the weight restriction but I lied that I was over it. I felt horrendous during the whole thing and blacked out by the end, theybjad to tip the chair upside down haha. This time I'm *comfortably* over the restriction :{

I know you're supposed to drink lots and lots of water, I was wondering if people would advise/allow themselves to up the calorie intake the day before, during and after?

I take iron supplements for anemia anyway so I'll definitely stay in top of them.

Thaaaanks (:

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[Rant/Rave] You know that back-on-the-restricting-train fog? It's here, and I can't think straight.
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 11:02:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ytxar/you_know_that_backontherestrictingtrain_fog_its/
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After a weekish of binging, I've switched to restricting. The first couple of days are always so foggy before I gain energy back. I'm too young to find a good way to do EC stacks, and there are never energy drinks in the house. AND I have a date tonight hahah. I guess we'll just see how it goes

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[Thinspo] Thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 11 10:44:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ytto8/thinspo/
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http://imgur.com/3mBuEpP

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[Help] Does anyone else take stimulants for their ADD/ADHD?
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 10:11:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ytnod/does_anyone_else_take_stimulants_for_their_addadhd/
---
I love them because they help me with not binging but they also make me feel super sick and anxious. I've been binging so much lately so I figured taking them again will help but I feel pretty horrible. Any tips?

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[Rant/Rave] Insecurities :(
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 134.48lbs | BMI 20.14 |- 26lbs | GW 127lbs | 24F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 10:04:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ytm8p/insecurities/
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I see the number on the scale go down (we're hovering at 64/65 kg at the moment) but I feel that my biggest issues right now are how big my arms and wrists are. I want those delicate bony wrists and slender arms, and I feel that it's super unfair because my boobs are tiny. I wish I could just take all the fat from my arms and inject them into my rack.

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[Help] Dry Skin Problem
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | 143.8 lbs | 26.18 | -51.2 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 09:54:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ytkjc/dry_skin_problem/
---
I've read before that heavily restricting caloric intake and malnutrition can cause dry and flaky skin. I've been doing some pretty heavy restricting the past few months and I do have some spots on my face now that are just constantly dry despite using moisturizer. Is there actually a connection between the two or is it just a coincidence? Either way, is there anything that really helps you with dry skin (low-calorie foods, vitamins, skin product, etc)? Thanks in advance!

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[Thinspo] Daily thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Mar 11 09:12:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ytcqq/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/hbr6xdjlzsky.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Getting a tattoo
/u/borrow_our_light [5'6| 132.2lbs | 21.42 BMI | GW 125 | UGW 115 | 20F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 08:15:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yt34i/getting_a_tattoo/
---
So I ramble a lot during this. Sorry.

Me and my friends are kinda impulsive people, we love to just do random things when we are together. And yesterday that included working a 5 hour shift, going bowling, getting food, watching get out, and getting tattoos.

I decided that at 12am at night it was a good idea to get a rib piece done, mind you that I only have 1 other tattoo and it's on my hip. The whole time I was in a crazy amount of pain (I don't suggest getting a rib tattoo if you don't do well with pain, I rarely feel pain and I was squeezing my bros hand and till no End).

But the whole time all I could think about was how many calories was I burning, because I was all stretched out in like a semi yoga pose, I was flexing my stomach muscles so hard from the pain, and I was sweating.

Also I now have an insensitive to stay small and loose weight bc I would love to show off this tattoo. It's badass.

Sorry on mobil can't flair

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[Other] Someone posted about me in here lol
/u/recoveryflowerx
Created: Sat Mar 11 07:47:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ysyq3/someone_posted_about_me_in_here_lol/
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Hey hello. Don't hate me but I'm somewhat new to reddit. I've been on but never made an account. Cool.

A very lovely human made a post about my YouTube channel on here and it got a lot of love and it warmed my non-existent heart. So I don't know I think this is me saying hi and can I join this community and be everyone's friend. If not it's cool I'll leave bye

Oh and my yt channel is about my ed and my recovery not like a makeup channel or anything ok bye again

this me
https://youtu.be/YDOBnPg1L04

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[Rant/Rave] Had to eat breakfast:(
/u/fxuk [5'3 | CW: 78 lbs | GW: 75 lbs]
Created: Sat Mar 11 07:22:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ysuyh/had_to_eat_breakfast/
---
I normally never eat breakfast (haven't mostly my whole life) but today my mom made me a huge bowl of oatmeal with almond milk and berries and all before 9 am :( She made me sit with her so i had to eat it. I know this shouldn't feel bad, but i had already planned how my day was going to go food-wise. I was going to have a curry with rice i made yesterday, and then just bowls of fruits for snacks. So guilty now and I hope i don't gain weight.

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[Discussion] I don't come on here when I'm binging
/u/teasnob22 [5'3" | CW: 95.7 | GW: 88 | 17.43 | -22 | F | Vegan AF]
Created: Sat Mar 11 07:04:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yss8g/i_dont_come_on_here_when_im_binging/
---
I only really use this account when I'm restricting. Otherwise everything is overwhelming and I just can't handle feeling like such a fuckin failure, and even though I know that this sub is for all EDs, i feel so invalid when I'm stuffing my face (that's on me though, you are all lovely). Anyway, apart from a siq meme that I've been hanging on to for Sunday, y'all probably won't see much of me for the foreseeable future lmao.

Is it just me that avoids this sub at all costs during a binge episode? Do you find this sub helpful to get you back on track? Do you have any magic pills that will drag me out of this food-filled pit? Let me know!!

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[Rant/Rave] When you binge and lose weight!!
/u/vraisemblablement [5'8" | CW: 117.8 | 17.72/17.91 | -57 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 06:45:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yspl0/when_you_binge_and_lose_weight/
---
I was stuck at 125 for at least a week and going a bit crazy about it. I've sucked at restricting so no big surprise I wasn't losing, but even when I fasted for like 40 hours the scale didn't budge.

Yesterday I was feeling extremely depressed and had no will to even try. I ate all day then full-on binged last night. Huge dinner, tons of desserts, lots of alcohol. Definitely over 2500 cals for the day.

I was terrified to weigh myself this morning, certain I'd at least be up a few pounds from water weight. Scale says 124.2!!! I got on it like ten times waiting for it to change and tell me I gained, moved it to a different room just to see (sometimes I wonder if the type of flooring makes a difference lmao), still saying the same thing.

Holy shit, I am so happy. I'm the type who only gets motivated when I lose and I just get discouraged and give up if I'm not seeing progress, so I reaaaaally needed this.

Thank you, every single one of you, for being here. Couldn't do this without you guys. <3 Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! March 11, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Mar 11 05:07:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ysdae/stupid_questions_saturday_march_11_2017/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for March 11, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 11, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Mar 11 05:07:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ysd9w/daily_food_diary_march_11_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 11, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] More scale talk
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 11 01:21:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yrqk3/more_scale_talk/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend and I are the same weight
/u/Cecira
Created: Sat Mar 11 01:09:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yrpem/my_boyfriend_and_i_are_the_same_weight/
---
163.

I heard him tell his mom his weight over the phone. Turns out it was the exact weight I am as of weighing myself in the morning. He's a lot taller than me so it's been bothering me that he weighs less. I expressed to him that I was excited I will weigh less than him soon.

People seem to post a lot about their SOs, and I enjoy reading those posts, so I wanted to share this interesting bit of my day. Also: we watched supersize vs superskinny today and he immediately busted out some pringles and pudding. Considering the reaction I and probably a lot of you have is to not desire food when watching this show, I thought his snacking was SO funny and wanted to tell someone who'd understand :P

---

[Intro] Hello!
/u/thinspirit_ [5'6 | 122 | UGW: 112]
Created: Sat Mar 11 00:43:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yrmtc/hello/
---
I've been lurking for a looong time now, but I've finally decided to make an intro for myself and get more involved within this sub. Everyone is so nice and understanding, and I want to be a part of the kindness.

However, the reason why it's taken me so long to decide to post is because I wasn't sure if I belonged in an ED sub. Definitely in the past, I've struggled with severe restricting and uncontrollable binges, but now, I eat pretty much like a normal person. (It's been a bumpy ride to get here.) I eat normal meals, I indulge moderately (though binges still come up and overeating/undereating is hard to differentiate sometimes), I look and seem "fine."
But it's the thoughts that plague me. The relentless pestering of my own subconscious and desire to lose weight, to go back to being underweight, to feel disgusted at my current body are what leads me back again and again to this sub. Some days, I'm okay with my body. On other days, I just want to stay away from mirrors. And on some days, I might as well just curl up and roll around in my excess fat because what's the point.

It's so refreshing to be with people of the same mindset. There's something so extremely comforting to have a common goal and interest (losing weight). I'm still shy and unsure of whether I fully belong because I currently don't show common ED characteristics in regards to eating, but I'm hoping that I can still partake.

Thanks for listening!

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[Rant/Rave] Why did I ever think I could be happy?
/u/mind_bodygames [5'4" | 119.8 | 20.97 | -21 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 11 00:22:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yrkjw/why_did_i_ever_think_i_could_be_happy/
---
Everything is fucked up. I wish this stupid illness had killed me when I was 15 like it was supposed to. I keep making the same mistake over and over again: I keep taking a little sliver of hope and running with it. And every damn time the shit comes shattering down around me.

So, I'm done. It's 3 am, I just got home from running around in a snow storm to burn calories. I hit my lowest weight as an adult and I'm just going to wait for nature to take its course. Cheers to rock bottom.

---

[Rant/Rave] I can survive spring break
/u/Counttheaccounts
Created: Fri Mar 10 23:52:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yrh7m/i_can_survive_spring_break/
---
(Used to post here under a different account, back again...)

I was doing so well at school, and now it's spring break where my mom loves to buy me tons of candy and junk foods and I can be alone in my room, which is so dangerous for binging. I already ate about 3/4 of a whole bag of M&Ms and was going to work my way through a Costco sized bag of trail mix, but I want to lose weight. I want to wear bikinis in the summer and not feel so self conscious. I want to wear crop tops and feel like I can pull them off.

I usually get in a mindset of "I'll start over again... Right after I finish off this food." I was totally in that mindset with the M&Ms. Right after this bag... And then repeat again and again and I never get anywhere.

But I did it. I poured soap in the M&Ms and in the trail mix so I can't eat it all. It's such a waste of food and I do kind of feel bad, but I feel good at the same time. I'm better than that.

Here's to a good spring break, and I guess I'm back again?

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Eating to lose?
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | - 101.6 | 30F]
Created: Fri Mar 10 23:37:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yrfho/eating_to_lose/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Everynight, just making myself miserable looking at Thinspo that I can't achieve :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 10 22:14:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yr4ps/everynight_just_making_myself_miserable_looking/
---
http://imgur.com/1aFSRE9

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] feel bad for this, but I wish my illness was physical.
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" |higher than snoop | -45 (+6 oops)| 21F]
Created: Fri Mar 10 21:24:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yqwoc/rant_feel_bad_for_this_but_i_wish_my_illness_was/
---
I've been dealing with pretty bad depression/anxiety that comes hand in hand with bad binge/restrict/purge cycles for weeks.

Recently I've seen two people that I haven't in the past couple of months and 40 pounds ago. I have zero social life and am retreating from all of my friends and have no energy to make new ones or keep up with current ones because of the depression. I just wish i could say something like "oh I had bad pneumonia" or bronchitis or something and I feel horrible about it but I feel like mental illnesses scare people away but physical ones like that ways get sympathy.

Can't tag? on mobile

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[Goal] Finally got my scale recommended by one of you guys!
/u/CharChar12 [5' 9.5 |160lbs|23.5| Male]
Created: Fri Mar 10 19:53:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yqiyf/finally_got_my_scale_recommended_by_one_of_you/
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https://i.redd.it/s3ngbvo21pky.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I ate and feel disgusting
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 10 19:27:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yqeyb/i_ate_and_feel_disgusting/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] bichectomy, yay or nay?
/u/mrcolon96 ["dacing with the devil, i love that he pretends to care"]
Created: Fri Mar 10 18:25:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yq4sz/bichectomy_yay_or_nay/
---
so for the last few weeks I've been seriously considering getting a bichectomy (surgically removing the fat pads on the cheeks) because even when I was at my lowest weight, my cheeks were a bit puffy (my jaw was defined tho). This surgery is very cheap here in Mexico and from what I've heard; it's also safe.

So, my crazy plan is to lose as much weight as possible to make my jawline defined and then have surgery. what do you think?

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[Discussion] DAE hate painting their nails because you can't tell whether or not your fingernails are blue under all that polish?
/u/TessTobias [5'6" | 126.4 | 20.3 | -23]
Created: Fri Mar 10 18:14:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yq2wa/dae_hate_painting_their_nails_because_you_cant/
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I want to paint my fingernails red but I know the first time I eat after I do it I'll be frustrated to no end that I can't see my fingernails. I love how my fingernails turn blue while I digest and I find it really motivating (which is fucked as fuck right?).

I dunno- anybody else feel similar feels?

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[Help] Did you lose your libido and if so how long before it returned after ceasing restriction?
/u/leleonyx
Created: Fri Mar 10 18:01:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yq0lf/did_you_lose_your_libido_and_if_so_how_long/
---
I had been doing consistent high caloric restriction for close to a year and ended up losing over 30 kgs. I went from an overweight BMI to 17. I lost my libido a few months prior to reaching an underweight BMI. I have recently begun eating at around/slightly above my TDEE, and seem to have put on around 1.5 kg in the past 2 months.

I don't necessarily mind the fact that I have no sexual desire, I find it liberating and interesting in a way, but I realize it's abnormal for a young male. I didn't think much of it originally as I thought it'd easily return when I stopped restricting, but so far it hasn't.

Could my diet also play a part in my lack of sexual desire/drive? I follow a hclf vegan diet and eat *only* the following foods:
Beans, sweet potatoes, oats, broccoli, summer/winter squash, and will eat 33 grams of almonds every now and again.

Thank you.

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I ate over my daily calorie intake today
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 10 17:49:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypydl/i_ate_over_my_daily_calorie_intake_today/
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[deleted]

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[Help] SO BLOATED :O
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 10 17:41:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypx1s/so_bloated_o/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE stare at basically everyone's legs/bodies when they walk past in the street, trying to mentally decide how you compare to them or trying to work out their stats?
/u/jizzymt [5'8"|149lbs|-20|BMI 22.6|F|GW3: 140|UGW: 120?]
Created: Fri Mar 10 17:07:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypqtr/dae_stare_at_basically_everyones_legsbodies_when/
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Please tell me I'm not the only one. Also, then somehow decide that I'm at least double the size of everyone that walks past and use it as ammunition later to beat myself up about it. It's so tiring! Wish my brain would just stop for 5 minutes!!

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[Rant/Rave] "You don't LOOK like a runner." [tw: shameless whining]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 10 17:04:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypqdh/you_dont_look_like_a_runner_tw_shameless_whining/
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[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo..
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 10 16:55:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypoyf/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/2pexdktc5oky.jpg

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My ED has made me a terrible person.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 10 16:33:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypkw9/my_ed_has_made_me_a_terrible_person/
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[deleted]

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[Other] MFP friend?
/u/jizzymt [5'8"|149lbs|-20|BMI 22.6|F|GW3: 140|UGW: 120?]
Created: Fri Mar 10 16:16:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypht3/mfp_friend/
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If anyone wants to gain a my fitness pal friend for some support, feel free to pm me :) Can't add any any of my friends on it because i'm too scared of the judgement but it's lonely there.

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[Rant/Rave] best friend's gf triggering af
/u/pleasegodnofuck [5'3 | 852lbs | 155.1 | -11lbs | ?]
Created: Fri Mar 10 16:03:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypfbf/best_friends_gf_triggering_af/
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She also has an eating disorder and she's tiny as hell. Her instagram posts show her transformation as a normal, slender woman quickly becoming boney and small. My best friend talks about her eating habits and how he's trying to get her to eat more. He's long distance so he doesn't know I've been losing weight similarly. I'm actually secretly really pleased that she's in his life because it's motivating as fuuuuck.

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[Discussion] What's your favourite simlple soup to make at home?
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | F | GW:115 | -17 | BMI 23.8]
Created: Fri Mar 10 16:02:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypexf/whats_your_favourite_simlple_soup_to_make_at_home/
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Something that doesn't require a lot of ingredients (veggies are okay) and is low cal and low sodium. Thank you!

**Edit:** Also getting really tired of drinking water with lemon and La Croix. What do y'all drink?

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[Discussion] competitive people make me competitive
/u/pungentthrowaway [5'1.5" large and in charge (of nothing)]
Created: Fri Mar 10 15:46:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ypbs6/competitive_people_make_me_competitive/
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So normally I am not a competitive person at all. I see so many posts here referencing that being an integral part of ED and I usually can't relate to it. I can do weight loss challenges with friends and be genuinely supportive without feeling threatened by their weight loss. Great right? Great until the moment I find out that another woman is competitive about weight. Then that shit all flies out the window and I have a compulsive need to be thinner than that woman. Most of the people I know I imagine don't think much about my weight, but there are a few people I've known in my life who I found out were for sure making comments about my weight and I feel like I have to be thinner than those women to shut them up I guess?

Idk. It feels shitty, but I take motivation wherever I can. And it's really motivating to be way thinner than the friend who let me borrow a pair of pants and then told everyone she didn't think she'd get the back because I'd bust them open. Oh well I'm petty

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[Rant/Rave] "You don't have to loose anymore"... yeah okay...
/u/jizzymt [5'8"|149lbs|-20|BMI 22.6|F|GW3: 140|UGW: 120?]
Created: Fri Mar 10 13:13:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yoeqx/you_dont_have_to_loose_anymore_yeah_okay/
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sorry just needed a bit of a rant. As soon as I start losing any weight all my friends start getting weird. instead of just being supportive they will be like "you must be almost done now right?" or "you look great". "make sure you don't get too low". its like, mate, i'm only just into the healthy bmi range and i should stop now...? almost like they don't like me losing any or don't like that i'm no longer the fat friend or trying to make sure I dont get to the same weights as them. kinda annoying- i just want to be left alone to do my own thing. don't know what the point of this was. just to get it off my chest.

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Hit my first goal weight!!
/u/theobeseana
Created: Fri Mar 10 13:12:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yoel4/rant_hit_my_first_goal_weight/
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But had to purge to get there. Seeing 190 on the scale felt amazing this morning, but I lost control last night and binged then purged.
Why is it that when I restrict I feel strong, beautiful, and in control, but when I b/p I've never felt shittier about myself. I have no self control and then have to wreck my body to meet my goals.

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[Rant/Rave] The End of a Friendship (Again)
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | 143.8 lbs | 26.18 | -51.2 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Mar 10 13:11:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yoef0/the_end_of_a_friendship_again/
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Sorry for the super long post and all the background info, I just really need to get this all out. Today is the last day I will have ever spent with Angela (name changed for anonymity). We had a falling out about two years ago and remained no contact for one year. She got into drugs and lying. I don't mind people doing drugs. Do what makes you happy; it's none of my business. However, I don't really like pathological liars. Last October she reached out to me and, foolishly, I said what the heck and we rekindled our friendship. During that time I got into a relationship with someone she was interested in years and years ago. It originally was not going to be more than just a casual friends-with-benefits situation but it grew into more. She recently got out of a long-term relationship. Ever since her relationship has ended she has been giving me grief about mine. She's been moaning about always being the single friend and hates that I constantly third wheel her despite almost never being single the entire time I've known her (almost 5 years now). She has been making passive-aggressive insults about my partner since her relationship has ended, and since I have been losing weight she keeps making me feel like crap by almost insinuating that I'm losing weight to spite her or something because she's 5'1 and 250+ lbs. Oh, and she has been lying about having a brain tumor.

Last night I had her, another friend, and my partner over for board games and snacks. After my partner went home she said, "no offense, but how do you deal with him? I feel like he's just not on your intelligence level." I have never had violent tendencies but I swear to gosh that is the one and only time I could have punched someone. Who the heck says that?

However, I am not confrontational, so I let the comment slide and the rest of the night ended uneventfully. I went to bed fuming but figured in the morning the anger would go away. I was almost right. Before I went to bed she asked if she could finish the girl scout cookies I had bought. I had told her that she could have some, just not to finish all of them! I had been craving them for a super long time and I wanted some for breakfast. Plus, they stopped selling them near me. When I woke up they were gone, the packages nowhere to be found. I ended up going through the trash because I'm a freak and can't stand the thought of straying from my meal plans. I had to know if she ate them all. She did. She had tried hiding the packages in a bag and stuffed them at the bottom of the bin. I was so livid this morning. Like, that tipped me over the edge. I plan out my meals a week in advance, she knows this, and she also knows how stressful it is for me not to be able to stick to my plans. The combination of lying about having cancer, all those rude comments she has been making, and specifically eating the one thing I asked her not to even though I have plenty of other fricking snacks here is too much. I don't know why her eating my cookies has made all the anger I've been bottling up come out but I am so over it. I'm over all of the lying, and I'm over all the nasty comments she makes about my partner. It's unjustifiable.

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[Help] I'm recovering. And i'm bad at it.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 10 12:45:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yo8l4/im_recovering_and_im_bad_at_it/
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[deleted]

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[Other] Looking to speak to someone about doctor reactions to disordered eating while overweight or obese
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 10 12:38:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yo751/looking_to_speak_to_someone_about_doctor/
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[deleted]

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Daily Food Diary! March 10, 2017
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | 26F]
Created: Fri Mar 10 12:26:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yo4b3/daily_food_diary_march_10_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for March 10, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! March 10, 2017
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | 26F]
Created: Fri Mar 10 12:25:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yo413/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_march/
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This is the weekly picture thread for March 10, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host-- Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Help] Are ED's pre-existing conditions? Scared to talk to professionals...
/u/insigniania [5'7 | CW: 110 | 17.2 | F |]
Created: Fri Mar 10 12:24:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yo3xq/are_eds_preexisting_conditions_scared_to_talk_to/
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I'm at a point where I want to talk to a therapist or doctor about my disordered eating, food anxiety, and BDD. I've pretty much avoided doctors my entire adult save for STI testing and the occasional UTI. I've been asked about my weight and eating habits at doctor's offices before, but I've always dismissed them with the "naturally thin" excuse.


Anyway, I'm in the US, and healthcare is a shitshow right now. I'm worried that people with preexisting conditions won't be able to get insurance soon. Does anyone know if admitting disordered eating to doctors or therapists or nutritionists goes on some permanent record and can be used as a pre existing condition? Is one safer than the other? Does anyone remember how things were before the ACA?

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[Help] Help- Not able to do cardio due to injury
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 10 11:54:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ynx9g/help_not_able_to_do_cardio_due_to_injury/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Pizza Bagel Chips
/u/get-it_together [5'3" |180| UGW 130 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 10 11:42:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ynukz/pizza_bagel_chips/
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YA'LL

So I was at dollar tree today, and they have these things called Pizzetti by 7 Days. They're like bagel chips but they taste like freaking PIZZA. Killed my pizza/chip/salty food craving.

They're 120 calories for six pieces, so not really low cal, but freaking FANTASTIC for cravings. I put the link down here, but I can only get them at the dollar store.

http://www.7days.com/en/pizzeti/pizzeti/

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[Rant/Rave] Small Victories
/u/nobutlisten [5'5 | CW: 101.0 | GW: lol | BMI: 16.8 | F 25 👽]
Created: Fri Mar 10 10:04:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yn8br/small_victories/
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Last week I was so stressed about about hearing from graduate schools, then when I found out I got into my dream school I was so excited/happy and I had a rough time with food (BP'd 6 days out of the week). Another big contributing factor was that my roommate was out of town all last week, sooo that definitely has something to do with it.


This week I really wanted to turn over a new leaf, but was afraid that I wouldn't be able to stop. But actually...I've eaten amazing this week and haven't BPd once. I've skipped a couple meals, which I guess isn't ideal, but the restriction came back really easy. I'm so glad I was able to say "last week was rough, but now I'm starting over" and actually do it! Usually once I started slipping down the bingeing slope, it's so so hard to stop that cycle. This is exciting for me! Also walked on average about 25k steps per day this week which is insane, but I've been walking everywhere and running a couple times, so I feel like I'm really turning this ship back around.


Don't let the BP monster win!

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[Tip] Can't wait to try this, Smells Amazing!
/u/selfmedic8d
Created: Fri Mar 10 09:50:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yn56s/cant_wait_to_try_this_smells_amazing/
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https://i.redd.it/8eew5ypg1mky.jpg

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Daily Food Diary! March 10, 2017
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 10 05:51:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ylvrp/daily_food_diary_march_10_2017/
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[removed]

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[Help] Help- mom is making fried chicken for dinner
/u/probablywithmydog [5'2 | 112lbs | 20.5(standard)| F]
Created: Fri Mar 10 05:47:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ylv2h/help_mom_is_making_fried_chicken_for_dinner/
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I'm still a teenager and so I'm basically forced to eat whatever my family decides to make for dinner. And let's just say, my family isn't comprised of the healthiest people. How on earth do I get through dinner without ruining my stats for the day yet still not hint towards an eating disorder??

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[Help] Considering eating nothing but soup next week - experiences? (Mainly interested in digestion experiences)
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Fri Mar 10 04:33:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yll56/considering_eating_nothing_but_soup_next_week/
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Okay so, constipation for weeks since starting to restrict again, ate prunes, triggered a binge, made the good call of NOT restricting for a few days and eating at maintenance to just save myself a world of pain and risking another outright binge. I have overeaten my TDEE slightly but I REFUSE to freak out about this. If I freak out, I'll binge.. and it's only a couple hundred cals.. that can be undone easily. I'm experiencing extreme hunger at the moment too, but I am absolutely determined to not let that rule things.

Constipation seems to have cleared up mostly, thankfully, but I still feel a little clogged up and I am concerned about it coming back the moment I fast/restrict again since it's so easily happening right now. I also know that there is no way in hell I'm going to be able to fathom 'eating normally'/not restricting cals the moment I feel I can. It's gonna happen.

So I've been wondering whether to stick to liquid foods when I restrict - not shakes, shakes distend my stomach terribly, so I thought restricting whilst having JUST soup? Various tinned low-cal soups, some with veg, chickpeas, lentils, etc. I might have some raw veg on top, once per day.

Has anyone done this, and what are your experiences? Was digestion okay?

I know I'll retain a bunch of water weight, as they are canned soups with sodium (all I can afford) but I don't want to worry about that right now. I think I need the extra hydration that a soup diet can offer (I am still drinking diet coke all the time and can't get in enough water), so I'm thinking... if I really need to go back to restriction (which of course, I do), then making sure I at least stick to soups might help further with some digestive issues I'm experiencing right now? Give my stomach what it needs...

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[Rant/Rave] My thinking is so screwed
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 10 02:58:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yla3i/my_thinking_is_so_screwed/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Binging after reaching a new LW
/u/chocclia [165 | 45 | 16.5 | -12 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 10 01:41:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yl1of/binging_after_reaching_a_new_lw/
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Rant/rave, on mobile though sorry!!

Three days ago I hit my new LW - 16.9 (46kg/101lb) and today I've binged on 3500+. I'm just feeling kind of shit at myself, cause I could feel the binge coming on all day since my friends got chips at lunch.

I'm a high restrictor too lmao so I'm gonna maintain/gain off this. Logically I know it's only like a 2 day setback but I'm just kind of pissed at myself.

Can't wait for tomorrow to come so I can put this behind me tbh

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Is it okay...
/u/talkingburger
Created: Fri Mar 10 01:21:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ykzif/is_it_okay/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Got my tongue double pierced
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 10 00:32:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yktnp/got_my_tongue_double_pierced/
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It's satisfying how painful it is to eat. As sick as it sounds. I enjoy that I am physically unable to take food down the last 3 days. I'm a loser who lives with her mom at the age of 24 (lost my job, apt, relationship, etc) She buys the cookies, candies, cakes, Debbie's, pizza and more. I love not being tortured by the stack of Oreos she buys. I know I can't have it and it will hurt and I'm so grateful for that.

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[Help] Binge binge binge binge binge
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Thu Mar 9 22:02:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yk8yq/binge_binge_binge_binge_binge/
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I am stuck in the worst binge cycle. It seems like every day for the past week I've been having moderate binges and my entire body just feels bloated and full and puffy. I know it's all mental to get myself out of it, but how to I make my body feel better ?

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[Discussion] DAE feel sick after eating?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 9 21:28:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yk3rz/dae_feel_sick_after_eating/
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(Mobile, can't flair.) I do IF and usually eat once a day in the evening. I HATE when friends want to do lunch because it ruins my whole day. I feel mentally fucked and my body is uncomfortable for the rest of the day. It's likely that my body physically isn't used to the insulin spike in middle of the day but it messes with my psyche as well. It sucks, I feel like I have to choose between my sanity and social life. I'm only 5lbs away from my first goal weight yet feel so far away because 1 little distraction ruins the calorie deficit for the day... first time posting here, it feels so good to vent to people who understand.

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Timberline Knolls... again...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 9 20:29:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yjtw6/timberline_knolls_again/
---
[removed]

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[Tip] Brads veggie chips
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Thu Mar 9 20:21:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yjskl/brads_veggie_chips/
---
On mobile, can't flair.

These are a great snack food! They're raw and vegan, and have a lot of vitamins and minerals that nutrient deficient people like us need (especially iron).
They're only 150c a bag so you can go to town if you feel bingey. And they taste good enough to be good and also weird enough to not crave more (you know what I mean I think)

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[Discussion] Is anyone else here a pear shape naturally? Any luck with slimming lower half? :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 9 19:31:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yjjse/is_anyone_else_here_a_pear_shape_naturally_any/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm such a disgusting pig.
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Thu Mar 9 19:14:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yjgim/im_such_a_disgusting_pig/
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God I fucking hate myself. I've been doing so badly this week since I've been home on spring break. I've done almost no exercise and have been eating a disgusting amount. I can practically feel the disgusting fat bubbling back up under my skin.
I'm so pathetic. I can't even say no to food. I don't deserve to have access to food when I abuse it so horribly and there are people starving in the world. I'm so fucking selfish and disgusting.

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[Thinspo] My current Thinspo. Don't think it's possible for me to ever achieve though 😢
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 9 19:04:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yjev1/my_current_thinspo_dont_think_its_possible_for_me/
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http://imgur.com/RZUHIdj

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[Rant/Rave] Sudden revelation when nearing the end of the day
/u/imperfectcontrol [5'6" | CW: 115 | 18.56 | CGW: 100 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 18:16:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yj633/sudden_revelation_when_nearing_the_end_of_the_day/
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I've been fasting all day and I feel close to giving up. But then I remembered that, why would I ruin all the pain I suffered today? I went through brain fog in class. I suffered the hunger pangs. And then I'm gonna fuck that all up right before I sleep? Eat 1000 calories that I could have rationed through the day? FUCK. THAT.

on mobile cant flair

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I'm ready to stop binging but I could really use some support!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 9 18:12:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yj5bi/im_ready_to_stop_binging_but_i_could_really_use/
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[deleted]

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[Goal] I gave my binge food to a homeless lady.
/u/salviaplath_13 [5'1 | CW: 106 | 20.8 | GW: ??? | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 18:05:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yj3ws/i_gave_my_binge_food_to_a_homeless_lady/
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I went to the store to get my binge haul and wanted zebra cakes, except they didn't have any individual packaged ones and only the entire box. I bought the box, instant regret.. I knew I would eat alllll of them :( by chance on my way home I saw a homeless lady at a stoplight with a sign that just said "HUNGRY" and gave them to her. I just wanted them off my hands because of binge guilt, kinda wish i had them now.. my b/p session is lacking haha

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[Help] I'm going to a party tomorrow, and the beach next week. Lord help me...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 9 17:27:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yiwtn/im_going_to_a_party_tomorrow_and_the_beach_next/
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[removed]

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The fact that I can't purge truly pisses me off
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 17:16:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yiuq2/the_fact_that_i_cant_purge_truly_pisses_me_off/
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[removed]

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No Frills Twins ED?
/u/losemore [5'10 | 145 | 20.8 | -44 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 17:15:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yiuit/no_frills_twins_ed/
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[removed]

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[Help] Help!! Send me your Safe Snacks?
/u/wishfulthinkings [5'4" | CW:140 | GW1:125 | GW2:107 | -34 LBS]
Created: Thu Mar 9 15:58:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yifnm/help_send_me_your_safe_snacks/
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I started a new job and they have so many snacks available. I can't stop binging.

 

Snacks the Office has:

Nuts (Pistachios, Roasted Almonds, Cashews)

Pretzels

Gold Fish

Granola

Jerky

Candy, Candy, and more Candy

Toast, English Muffins, Donuts (I don't have a problem saying no to donuts)

 

I need to come up with super low calorie snacks to munch on with all of these foods surrounding me.

 

Ideas:

Pickle - 1 spear 8 calories

Skinny Popcorn, Salt and Pepper - 1 cup 40 calories

*Carrots, Celery, Cucumbers, & Broccoli with dips, hot sauces, mustard, or flavored seasonings*

*Hummus* - 1 oz 70 calories

*Chobani Meze Dip* - 1 oz 30ish calories

*Seaweed Snacks* - 10 snack size sheets 30 calories

*Rice Cakes* - 1 cake 50 calories

*Veggie Stixs* - 10 stixs 40ish calories

*Grapes (frozen grapes take a long time to eat)* - 15 grapes 45ish calories

*Plain Greek Yogurt* - 1/2 cup 50 calories

*String cheese* - 80 calories

*Babybel light cheese* - 1 piel 48 calories

*Trader Joe's Chili Lime Seasoning Blend*

 

Thanks for all of your wonderful ideas. I'm adding your ideas to the list in italics so that everyone can see them together. Please let me know if I should remove the calorie counts.

---

[Rant/Rave] Tomorrow is a new day
/u/_saisonenenfer [175cm | not thin :( | M]
Created: Thu Mar 9 15:08:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yi5cr/tomorrow_is_a_new_day/
---
I'm so disgusted with myself. I can't believe how I've let myself go. Tomorrow is a new day and I can do it. You all can. I believe in you!

---

[Rant/Rave] Binged last night, feel terrible today
/u/TrappedInAWindow [5'3" | 121 | 21.4 | -16 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 14:50:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yi1jl/binged_last_night_feel_terrible_today/
---
I'm in graduate school, veterinary school to be precise. We have finals today and tomorrow, and I was studying with a friend last night. It was on track to be a good calorie day, I was only up to 390 calories by 8 PM. The stress of studying for finals plus my friend pressuring me to eat our feelings made me cave and we went to a diner, where I ate eggs, hash browns, bacon, and buttered toast with hot chocolate. I immediately felt horribly guilty and terrible afterwards, and all day today I'm have terrible stomach pain and general gastric distress. It's been so long since I've had food that heavy in carbs, starch and fat that I think it's wrecking my intestines. And I just took a final, and have another one tomorrow. Pretty sure I could roll around in broken glass and feel better about myself right now.

---

[Help] I don't want to eat. I just want to binge.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 9 14:27:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yhwmt/i_dont_want_to_eat_i_just_want_to_binge/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Net Calories
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 9 14:05:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yhrr3/net_calories/
---
[removed]

---

Is this caused by my weight loss?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 9 13:46:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yhnk1/is_this_caused_by_my_weight_loss/
---
[deleted]

---

[Goal] Trying to get back to "normal" eating
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 12:54:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yhbz7/trying_to_get_back_to_normal_eating/
---
For a while now my goal was to eat less than 600 calories with lots of exercise. But lately I've been binging really often and it's resulted in no change of the scale! It's killing me to see that I'm exactly the same every day.

So now I'm trying to eat 1200 but I never thought it would be so hard. I keep making excuses to myself not to eat or distracting myself to run out of time before my next class, etc. So today I made myself eat breakfast for once, hoping that would help? But nope, cause I found an excuse to skip lunch. Idk, this is hard.

---

[Discussion] UC Berkley Physicist answers the question "What is the best way to reduce belly fat and overall weight?" with "Eat less." Really cool little article.
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:114.2🌸 BMI:20.2🌙 -30.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Thu Mar 9 12:37:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yh7j4/uc_berkley_physicist_answers_the_question_what_is/
---
https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-best-way-to-reduce-belly-fat-and-overall-weight/answer/Richard-Muller-3?srid=SfIw&share=070bd794

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate birthdays
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 9 12:35:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yh6wk/i_hate_birthdays/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Powerade zero is a lifesaver.
/u/alovelytime
Created: Thu Mar 9 11:51:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ygx54/powerade_zero_is_a_lifesaver/
---
I've been restricting more than usual because of midterms, and today as soon as I stood up out of bed I almost passed out. My vision went dark and my knees got weak, but I somehow managed to squat slowly so as not to fall and slowly recovered my senses.

All day I have had this intense light headedness, like I'm about to pass out, even when i was just sitting my body felt like it was about to shutdown. I didn't have anytime in the morning to go buy a powerade zero until right now, and god I just inhaled all of it and feel so much better. It was honestly a heavenly experience, like rain after a drought.

---

Replace peeps with pretty much all food 🙃🙂🙃🙂
/u/Bubbline
Created: Thu Mar 9 11:32:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ygsom/replace_peeps_with_pretty_much_all_food/
---
http://i.imgur.com/IaBEgus.jpg

---

[Intro] New here, recently relapsed and just wanted to get this all off my chest
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 9 10:46:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yghoi/new_here_recently_relapsed_and_just_wanted_to_get/
---
Hi everyone,

I'm new to this community, recently relapsed and doing my best to manage. I wish I had something like this before so that I didn't feel so alone in my problems, and hope I'm welcome.

Basic backstory: Always very high anxiety type of person, extreme perfectionist and black-and-white thinking, but ED didn't come up until my junior year in college. In undergrad, I restricted during a severe bout with depression, lost 30 lbs quickly (was a "healthy BMI" but chubby weight before) and my life transformed, everyone treated me so well and it just reinforced the horrible behavior. Eventually, I lost control and turned into a B/P cycle that made me regain the weight, where I stayed (in shame) for years. This past fall, I finally started losing weight A HEALTHY WAY, and was soooooo proud of myself for going in the direction weight-wise I wanted without losing control over my eating behavior.

Last week, I relapsed over something sooo stupid (I got my first imperfect grade in grad school, it was still an A but I wanted so much to have 100s for the whole time) and feel like I can't get out the cycle. I started "intermittent fasting" a while ago because I read about all the benefits, but I've lost control and I can't bring myself to eat during the day anymore, making me able to "mini-binge" 500-1000 calories at night and still keep it low. I was so incredibly depressed when I last restricted heavily for a long period of time but now I'm craving it again, and I feel like such a failure. I'm also fighting with the pull of cigarettes and alcohol, both of which I gave up, and feel like moderate restricting will help me feel in control without being too too unhealthy the way cigs and stuff are.

Anyway, thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I've been lurking and getting support from that already, so I really appreciate it.

---

[Discussion] [Discussion] How Do you girls feel about your period?
/u/calmlyranting [5'5 | Fluctuating | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 10:13:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ygale/discussion_how_do_you_girls_feel_about_your_period/
---
I've lost mine for a while, and I have some concerns about it. For one, I think I already suffered from endometriosis, mildly anyway, and I'm pretty sure I'm infertile now. Normally I wouldn't be too bothered, I always wanted to adopt more than conceive anyway, but my long term SO has addressed wanting biological children. It's because he feels obligated to because he is the sort of "last of his family line able to do it." That means me getting pregnant is sort of a thing he's counting on.

Don't get me wrong I don't think he's going to break up with me due to infertility, but I can't help but feel like I'm letting him down. That and the idea of pregnancy doesn't sound all bad.

It also makes me wonder what my body is so deficient in that it can't make one. I'm concerned about long term effects on my health if I don't slow the deficits I have down. I know I don't have many problems now, but I know I'm probably with this for the long haul so I better be ready.

Back to children too, I also worry sometimes about not being able to adopt or not being a good parent because of the way I eat. I would do my best to not mess up my kids with my problems, but I keep hearing ED parent horror stories and it worries me. Adoption is complicated enough, if I prove to have mental issues, it throws another hoop/monkey wrench I have to deal with in. But if it's better for those kids I better suck it up, even if the thought makes me depressed.

Well, those are my thoughts anyway, besides the actual missing of it is kinda pleasant.

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 9 10:10:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yg9y1/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/1ofovcj50fky.jpg

---

[Intro] Semi restricting to keep myself sane
/u/teatotals [5'7 | 140 | -16lb | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 09:25:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yg097/semi_restricting_to_keep_myself_sane/
---
I've had periods of both restricting and purging in the past, but up until a few weeks ago I hadn't even thought about seriously doing it again for two years. I'm in my final year of university and the stress is really getting to me, and I'm currently averaging 1500 a day. Just needed to get it off my chest.

---

[Rant/Rave] (Rant) spring break woes
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 09:25:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yg08q/rant_spring_break_woes/
---
I need to get this off my chest or I'll explode.
I'm going on my first real grown up spring break with my boyfriend to Austin, tx to look at apartments and jobs before we move in May.

I'm terrified. Instead of excited and looking forward I secretly wish we booked a cancellable hotel so I could back out because I won't be able to work out or really know how much I'm eating. Texas has crazy portion sizes and I don't know how I'm going to handle myself. My plan is to just do extra cardio beforehand and hope for the best. I logically know that I won't allow myself to go super crazy and will likely gain like 2 pounds maybe at most. But I'm terrified that I'll somehow binge on everything and that will be that I'll balloon up and be disgusting losing all progress I have made these last few month. I'm down to 123.2 for fucks sake! Loser towns predicting I'll reach my goal weight by end of May.

My boyfriend knows about my ED and while understanding and loving he has gotten to the point where he will get upset that I'm not eating. Not verbally but I can tell by his face and body language that he doesn't know how to help and it's killing him. He knows I'm more anxious with food lately so maybe he won't be too upset over the panic attacks that I know I'll come.

Sorry for this long nothingness.

Any advice on road tripping food wise (I already have the whole I get sick when I eat and am in the care thing) but any go to for eating out? (Well have to eat out since we won't have a kitchen but at least breakfast is provided).

---

[Rant/Rave] :(
/u/_linstroq [5'7|CW:126|BMI:19|GW:99]
Created: Thu Mar 9 09:15:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yfxxz/_/
---
Binged on like 6 homemade chocolate chip cookies last night, vomited it up then proceeded to eat an almost entire bag of potato chips. Got on the scale today and apparently i'm back up to 129 rather than my 125 from yesterday. I know it's water weight but i feel so disgusting and large. If someone could just reassure me that it is in fact water weight I'd be really grateful. Sorry for the generic rant lol but i have no one to talk to about this.

---

[Intro] Don't know if I'm allowed here
/u/DonLobster
Created: Thu Mar 9 07:29:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yfc7w/dont_know_if_im_allowed_here/
---
Hello all

I don't really know if I'm allowed here, I pretty much eat with out abandon. but lately I've been trying to eat under 1000 calories, I've gone through a day with 500, but I feel really stupid when I look at posts saying they've eaten just a cookie and I've eaten a whole sleeve because I can't stop myself even though I'm trying to go back to under 100 lbs. I don't even know what my relationship with food is. I guess I'm trying to stop myself because I hate the way I look and I'm envious of my friends with things like thigh gaps.
I also feel a bit like a monster when I eat and I don't even know if anyone can relate. Idk I'm rambling.

---

[Help] Stuck to under 700 cal every day this week, but was forced to eat 1500 yesterday. Help me calm down so I don't purge?
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 110 | UGW: 85 | -21 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 06:46:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yf4ei/stuck_to_under_700_cal_every_day_this_week_but/
---
All on the tin. I feel terrible. I want to cry and am so mad at myself for not stopping. My friends gave me cake and are already suspicious so I told myself I could just eat one then fast, but then I lost control and basically ate everyone's everything. I am trying to laugh about it with them but on the inside I am so, so sad.

---

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support March 09, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Mar 9 05:07:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yeonu/weekly_emotional_support_march_09_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 09, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Mar 9 05:07:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yeong/daily_food_diary_march_09_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 09, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] A bit scared. [Rant/Rave. It's a bit of both.]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 9 02:28:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ye58j/a_bit_scared_rantrave_its_a_bit_of_both/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I've lost all motivation and I can't get it back
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 9 02:22:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ye4ie/ive_lost_all_motivation_and_i_cant_get_it_back/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Tips on controlling cravings or how to stop binging?
/u/barrelwaisted [5'6 | CW: shhh | GW: 110 | UGW: 100]
Created: Thu Mar 9 02:22:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ye4gd/tips_on_controlling_cravings_or_how_to_stop/
---
I used to restrict regularly, however up until over a month ago I started binging a lot. It started with going over by a few hundred calories, and now I eat twice as much as what I used to. I'm noticing that I'm gaining weight and I hate it so much.

I'm trying to get back on track, although I've been pretty sick this past week so restricting is super hard.
Do you have any tips on how to control the urge to eat everything in your household?

---

[Rant/Rave] lol not giving a fuck anymore and people seem okay with it XD
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 59 | GW: < 57 | UGW: 55 | 19.71/19.48 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 02:16:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ye3tp/lol_not_giving_a_fuck_anymore_and_people_seem/
---
I've stopped hiding my restriction. Last week a friend asked if I was getting lunch. Nope, I'm not eating lunch, I'm trying to lose weight. Got a lecture that I'm skinny enough already, that I looked awful before and now I at least have boobs (kill me). Saw her a few days later and she asked how I could only eat dinner everyday because she tried not eating lunch once and she was "practically starving" lol you don't even know.

Then I've been hanging with my long term FWB quite a bit. Spent all of Sunday into Monday night with him. Same thing, only ate dinner and when we made food together I pushed almost all of it to him. Monday we were making dinner again I straight up say I'm only having my small falafel burger. Nothing else. I'll make you a bunch of food but I won't be having any of it. We made jokes all night about my small portions and calorie intake.

He's big into sports and weight lifting so we spent the dinner talking about how many calories are in the food we were having, how I was only using the mustard and a little bit of the yogurt dip for my food while he was using mayo and cheese. It was fucking awesome! Instead of tallying it all up in my head I could just talk about it. I told him to eat more fries since he wasn't reaching his calorie intake and he offered to eat the rest of my burger if I wasn't feeling up to it. Then we laid on the couch and watched twin peaks, it was amazing.

If I had known it was this easy to just say no and not get any flack I would have done it ages ago.

Bonus: I've lost 6 kg since NYE and the jeans I purchased for Christmas that wouldn't go past my thighs fit comfortably now.

---

[Rant/Rave] Thought I had fallen off the wagon but nope!
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 134.48lbs | BMI 20.14 |- 26lbs | GW 127lbs | 24F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 01:52:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ye13h/thought_i_had_fallen_off_the_wagon_but_nope/
---
My routine is gym, punnet of mushrooms, miso soup, raspberries and coke zero.

Yesterday I thought "fuck it" whilst I was at work and super tired (4 hours sleep and 8am to 1am shifts will do that to you) and had a vegan burrito WITH FRIES!

obviously I thought "ffs you've fucked it now" but actually...I tallied it up and overestimated my calories and the full day was WAY under maintenance?

I'm glad my idea of "bingeing" is changing. My weight HAS gone up by a kg but I'm determined to get back down to 64kg by the end of this week.

I can do this! Especially when 300g raw mushrooms is 24kcal....

On mobile please flair rant rave

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Im too poor to support my ED
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 9 01:34:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ydz6g/im_too_poor_to_support_my_ed/
---
[deleted]

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New to ED, where do I start?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 9 01:27:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ydygg/new_to_ed_where_do_i_start/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] What the hell is wrong with me? [rant/rave]
/u/itsteaandlace2007 [5' 4" | Not Telling | -20| 27F]
Created: Thu Mar 9 00:40:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ydst5/what_the_hell_is_wrong_with_me_rantrave/
---
I went to the doctor yesterday and discovered that I have lost 20 pounds since December. Not the best, but yay me!, right? So what do I do today? I fucking binge. I started out all right-I had my yogurt for my breakfast, and some nice soup for lunch. But then my cousins come home, and I start in on some potato chips, and it all goes downhill from there-I had two huge brownies, a ton of ice cream, more chips, full-sugar soda, and probably three cups of dinner-a creamy pasta dish. Why can't I just stick to what was working for me?!?

---

[Other] A sudden revelation while entering my binge into MFP
/u/pcrnography [ -84 lbs | king of water retention]
Created: Thu Mar 9 00:12:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ydp8h/a_sudden_revelation_while_entering_my_binge_into/
---
I hit complete entry, and the weight projection popped up. If I eat like this every day, I will gain weight. If I eat like this often, I will gain weight. Why am I unable to see that my actions have consequences and I can't just close my eyes and eat cookies all day every day as if my body won't acknowledge the calories if my brain doesn't?

Mmmm. That is definitely enough to push me firmly into this restrict cycle.

---

[Help] I need to go.... this disorder is killing me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 8 23:56:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ydn6s/i_need_to_go_this_disorder_is_killing_me/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] The Skinny Girl Inside of Me
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 21:55:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yd5ji/the_skinny_girl_inside_of_me/
---
I can feel the skinny girl inside of me. She's balled up in there, begging to come out. I can feel her ribs if I press down enough. I can hear her scream in excitement and knock on my stomach as I fast for one more day. At night I dream of her and her happiness. I fantasize about her reality- when the joy will return to my life. She helps me fight off the urge to binge. She helps me stay calm and breathe. I need her. I want her now.

---

[Rant/Rave] hi guys.
/u/wildflower_0ne [5'2 | 112.5 | 21.32 | 26F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 21:10:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ycy65/hi_guys/
---
incredibly longtime lurker here, finally made an account. i'm on this sub all day long, and you are all such a comfort to me. i feel like you are the only ones who would listen to/understand this.

i don't even know why i'm posting this. support maybe? i don't know.

long story short: i've always hated my body, gone through long periods of restricting then not, etc. since i was about 11. after traveling for a good portion of last year and not having access to a scale, i finally weighed myself again in mid-december and was shell-shocked to see i was at my highest weight ever. i freaked out and have been religiously counting cals again since, and am down to two pounds away from the first weight i ever logged onto MFP a million years ago.

i'm just incredibly frustrated right now with just... everything. at the beginning of january i started dating a guy, and just fell into it SO quickly. i stupidly thought it was real/special/"MEANT TO BE" because it was someone i've known for my whole life. i was over the moon and just so excited about LIFE.

needless to say, it ended as soon as it began, and even though it hardly even started i am so incredibly broken up over it. it's killed any motivation i have to do literally anything... and i feel nuts because if it was someone else i would think, "you were together for five minutes, get over it!" but i just can't, and i feel crazy, and i just wish i had never even had that taste of happiness because now i just feel so bad.

to top this off, i'm plateauing so hard and it is just SO annoying. i know the drop will come eventually but it's just so fucking frustrating starting off the day seeing that i haven't lost and then feeling shitty the rest of the day because of just, life.

i'm sorry for ranting and this is the worst intro ever but i can't talk to irl friends about weight and they're probably all sick of hearing me be sad. sigh. if you made it this far, thank you, i just need an ear sometimes. :(

---

Has anyone ever successfully done a 24 hour fast to make up for a binge day?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 8 21:06:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ycxmp/has_anyone_ever_successfully_done_a_24_hour_fast/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] When will I learn...
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 148.2 | -48lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Wed Mar 8 19:35:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ychkd/when_will_i_learn/
---
(Rant/rave) So I was finally able to wear my size 6 non stretchy AE jeans again! Proceeded to go out with the boyfriend to have a slice of focaccia pizza that I've been saving up for, splurge on a tiny 2x2 chocolate mousse slice...and now I'm glued to the toilet. I hadn't had anything remotely unhealthy in so long I'm definitely paying for it now.

My friend wants to go out for dinner tomorrow and I'm definitely getting a salad or soup, ugh. That cake sure was good though.

---

[Discussion] DAE feel absolutely bitter and angry about the air of competitiveness in the ED world?
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Wed Mar 8 19:09:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yccq7/dae_feel_absolutely_bitter_and_angry_about_the/
---
I love the support given from ED peeps that other people can't give because heck they don't understand the struggle

At the same time tho

Ed peeps are notoriously competitive

And it's a struggle

I also get very much incensed by south korea's thin and plastic surgery obsession but alas that's for another time.

---

Perfection
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Wed Mar 8 18:22:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yc40u/perfection/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/3ad83a44074c4a99aa7a49622a6f615f?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=ad077bc1ef43afcd349e394a48c4e190

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[Discussion] "What's your favorite food?"
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 17:50:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ybxxb/whats_your_favorite_food/
---
So like...do you mean my favorite safe food? Favorite binge food? Favorite food pre-ED? Post-ED?

It's such a loaded question it's hilarious. 😂

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[Help] 8 days b/p free...until today. I feel like I ruined everything.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 8 16:43:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ybktj/8_days_bp_freeuntil_today_i_feel_like_i_ruined/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I've been purging and I hate it
/u/_skellies
Created: Wed Mar 8 16:37:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ybjnx/ive_been_purging_and_i_hate_it/
---
On mobile so cant flair.

It's not like im totally new to ourging after a huge meal but in the past its only ever been on a very rare occassion. Recently I've been doing it more and more consistently. Then this morning I hit an all time low when I locked myself in the employee bathroom at work and stuck my fingers down my throat.

I feel so fucking shameful. I just want to go back to restricting but now I feel like I've crossed some line where my brain will just tell me "it's ok, you can just get rid of it right after."

My boyfriend knows about my ED and I promised I'd always be honest but I'm scared that this would just be too much for him.

I've always felt like I had at least some modicum of control over my ED and now I don't and it really sucks.

---

[Rant/Rave] Plateaued & Discouraged
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 142.4 | 20.7 | GW2 145 | GW3 139]
Created: Wed Mar 8 15:53:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ybacj/plateaued_discouraged/
---
I have made no progress since Sunday. I've been stuck at the same weight (plus then minus the same 0.5 lbs). It is so annoying because I've been eating the same basically, except yesterday, as the past weeks & the others weeks I've made sooo much progress. Not to mention, I am so hungry today and I was sooo hungry yesterday. I've been working out... but no difference. I just want to eat a nice warm dinner and dessert ugh I am so hungry but I know I shouldn't.. :(

---

[Help] Help estimating calories in this chicken. Menu lists it as BBQ HALF a chicken! (Ignore the side dishes. I stole the picture from the Yelp menu)
/u/mermaid_puppy [5'11" | 137lb | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 15:15:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yb1zy/help_estimating_calories_in_this_chicken_menu/
---
https://i.redd.it/spq9qj5ed9ky.jpg

---

[Thinspo] Artsy thinspo
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|106|18.8|F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 14:44:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5yauvj/artsy_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/bkm9ogb089ky.jpg

---

[Discussion] Thought I'd share some recent food discoveries
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 11:31:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y9nku/thought_id_share_some_recent_food_discoveries/
---
Sooo recently I've found a few things that satisfy my cravings (aka I'm on my period and need some chocolate). I thought I'd tell you guys about them in case anyone is interested.

The first one is actually a protein drink! I was never a fan of these, but since I exercise I need to have a fair amount of protein. It's called muscle milk light, the chocolate kind. So it satisfies my chocolate craving, has lots of protein, 100 calories, and delish. When I have this, I'm full for a loooong time so it's worth it to me. (however I also tried the vanilla kind and was NOT impressed. Only like the chocolate.)

The second one is kind of a guilty pleasure and takes some self control. Chips ahoy thins! I'm kind of obsessed with them so I never buy them, but I did this time. I realized that one cookie is 35 calories! So if you can eat one cookie it's not bad at all, but I tend to just keep eating them (ouch).

Anyone have any yummy discoveries?

---

[Rant/Rave] Progress in an anxiety vacuum
/u/honeybrownbunny
Created: Wed Mar 8 10:46:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y9dde/progress_in_an_anxiety_vacuum/
---
Rant/Rave

I've felt extremely dissociated and anxious for the past month, albeit content and semi-functional still. But everything feels blurry and I think most of it can be contributed to stress from maintaining two jobs and a daily social life as well. But because of this I fell off the gym wagon and have been convinced I've been gaining. I weighed myself at a friends the other day (the scale was down 6 pounds) but was skeptical due to it being a different scale than I'm used to; and the belt that I usually wear comfortably fit at 2 notches tighter. But I just weighed myself this morning, after a long sleepless panic attack night, and am down 8 pounds in total since the strange plateau I was dealing with! Shout out to stress~ even if the mirror still makes me feel inadequate.

---

[Rant/Rave] Recovery is a joke and I'm tired
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 8 09:46:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y8ze8/recovery_is_a_joke_and_im_tired/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] DAE cook when they feel anxious about weight, body image, or food?
/u/ChubbyBunny8 [5'2" | 133 | 25.20 | -17 | 28F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 09:45:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y8z9o/dae_cook_when_they_feel_anxious_about_weight_body/
---
Yesterday I was feeling really anxious about my weight, and I kept thinking about the summer weather that's coming and being the whale by the pool. So I fasted during the day, came home, and made two cakes. I've noticed that cooking is calming when I have these anxieties. Is cooking soothing to any of y'all, even when feeling anxious about food?

---

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] I love when normie memes are relatable for the wrong reasons (x-post r/meirl)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 8 09:42:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y8ymk/i_love_when_normie_memes_are_relatable_for_the/
---
https://i.imgur.com/TWk2NDk.png

---

[Rant/Rave] Doc appt is a wake-up call that I'm not doing this fast enough.
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -55lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Wed Mar 8 08:14:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y8fm8/doc_appt_is_a_wakeup_call_that_im_not_doing_this/
---
I went to the doc for a quick checkup yesterday and my blood pressure is a little higher than normal (I think he said the lower number should be under 80, mine is at 84). He suggests more cardio, cool, but as I'm leaving, he calls me back into his office, closes the door and goes "Size666, you know, you're too young to have to worry about this. You passed one of the hardest licensing exams in the country - there is nothing you can't do! You have to get a handle on your weight."

I'm kind of numb. I've never had "the talk" from a doctor before, not even when I was almost 240lbs. He's not wrong, I shouldn't have the body of an unkempt 80-year-old woman in my early 30s, but I think what makes it sting a little is that I've been feeling so great about my progress. No binges, lost the [9lbs I thought I gained back last week](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5woesh/had_a_long_weekend_of_binge_drinking_woke_up_9lbs/), and I'm the lowest weight I've been since college. Now I feel like a complete failure and I'm back to being disgusted with my body and ashamed of far I let myself go. This isn't the first time someone has said 'hey, you're smart, why aren't you fit' to me. I mentioned here before that [my mentor has alluded to the same thing](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xccr5/i_woke_up_this_morning_feeling_hopeless/). But I don't have an answer. Maybe I'm not as smart as everyone thinks I am. It's not like I want to look like this...I just don't know what's wrong with me.

I feel like I can't go back to that doc next month without losing at least another 10lbs. I have to go back to severe restricting and hit the gym more. I hate that this is the one thing I can't get a handle on.

**Edit: Thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement! I'm in a much better place today than I was yesterday. I'm taking his counsel with a grain of salt because I'm doing what I need to do right now, and it's working so far. I just have to keep going.**

---

[Rant/Rave] I just got laid off at work and all I want to do is crawl into a corner and binge
/u/MymlanOhlin
Created: Wed Mar 8 08:12:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y8fa2/i_just_got_laid_off_at_work_and_all_i_want_to_do/
---
I was even doing so well binge-wise! My boyfriend and I have a planned baking session for St. Patrick's day. We planned to make cupcakes and I planned to allow myself one on the 17th. I was being so good - excited about the cupcake, but not miserable about waiting until St. Patrick's day either.

Now I want every food known to man. I want to see how many m&ms will fit in my mouth before I choke, I want to inject melted ice cream into my tear ducts, I want to see how many chips it takes to numb my pain.

---

[Help] Plan B and Weight Gain
/u/lululights
Created: Wed Mar 8 07:56:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y8bxr/plan_b_and_weight_gain/
---
Hello all! Please excuse any type-os as I am on mobile and currently in a state of panic.

A few days ago, due to my own stupidity, I had to take Plan B. Since then I have gained weight, despite my restrictions and exercise; the bloating is also massive. I read some articles online, and some women complain that they gained as much as 20 pounds after taking the pill and I am freaking out. I've worked so hard to lose the last 35 pounds and gaining it back would kill me.

Has anyone else gone through this? Does anyone have tips? Please help :(

---

[Help] I'm trying to figure out what I want right now, and I have a few questions on recovery.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 8 07:48:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y8ac0/im_trying_to_figure_out_what_i_want_right_now_and/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] Today is my birthday, I just ate four cookies?
/u/princesspineapples3 [5'3" | CW 122 | 21.6 | -10.4| 23F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 06:30:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y7w76/today_is_my_birthday_i_just_ate_four_cookies/
---
You know what my bf said to me? "Wow you really can't fight temptation can you?"

Aaand this is why I have am mentally fucked. I was planning on having a lenient day because it's my birthday but fuck it. I won't eat for the rest of the day. I already beat myself up when I eat ANYTHING, I don't need the love of my life doing the same.

Usually people with ED have loved ones that try to discourage their ED behavior, not encourage it. Anyone have someone in their life that encourages it?

EDIT (Read Meeee): THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE! I want to reply to each and every one of you but I'm with friends right now (don't wanna be rude on my phone). It's crazy how a bunch on internet strangers can band together just to make this one silly little girl feel special on her birthday. I LOVE YOU ALL, you all are amazing, beautiful people. ❤️

---

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday March 08, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Mar 8 05:09:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y7joz/way_to_go_wednesday_march_08_2017/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for March 08, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 08, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Mar 8 05:09:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y7jo4/daily_food_diary_march_08_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 08, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm back, and also my hair might be thinning?! :(
/u/sprinkle1997 [156 cm | SW 70 kg CW 55.5 kg GW 45 kg | 19F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 03:59:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y7amj/im_back_and_also_my_hair_might_be_thinning/
---
I've been gone for about a month and I've been eating way too much and way too freely... I have been lucky not to have any weight gain so far, but I feel terrible about not having lost any weight for my entire winter break, which was 3 months long... all that progress I could have made. Anyways, I'm in South Korea for the semester and everyone is so thin. I was starting to feel okay at home, but that's all changed now that I'm here.. the only thing is I noticed before I started eating normally again was that my hair was starting to feel thinner than before. It still does and I am super worried about it! :(

---

[Tip] something that I think helps with compulsive eating
/u/forgetyoumusteat
Created: Wed Mar 8 02:23:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y6zio/something_that_i_think_helps_with_compulsive/
---
I always have the urge to eat when I'm trying to sleep and the hunger is keeping me up, even if I've already eaten

so I make sure my room is darkish and I just plug in the earphones and listen to the music and this kind of subdues the urge I have to eat. I lay on my back and think about how many better things there are to do than eat, I daydream about a version of myself that doesn't care about eating.

I feel like this may be helpful for us who binge/compulsively eat. It's not just the music as a distraction, but convincing myself that my thoughts will pass.

---

[Help] Concerns over food in coffee shop...need calorie guesses
/u/LadySkywalker [5'7'' | fat | fatty | -15lbs | F]
Created: Wed Mar 8 00:18:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y6kxc/concerns_over_food_in_coffee_shopneed_calorie/
---
Hi.

I can't figure this out and I can't eat it until I can figure it out and it's part of a routine that I want and plan for and this is stupid.

There's a local coffee place where I go twice a week. It's all local, everyone in town is super healthy and all about local source and mom and pop shops. So the food they have in this cafe mainly comes from either the shop itself or a local bakery. There is a slice of cranberry walnut bread that I convinced myself fit into my daily plan and I marked it safe. But now I'm questioning everything.

MFP has most of them around 160 so that's what I've been counting this slice as but homemade things can vary so drastically I'm becoming really concerned about this stupid bread. I'm hoping someone can help me with a calorie guess.

It's a single slice that's approximately the width of my thumb nail (bed of nail to tip of thumb).

There's usually about 1 1/2 total walnut deshelled pieces in there but they've been broken up.

There's also usually about 4-5 cranberries.

The slice is the size of my palm.

This is a picture of the [bread](https://s3-media1.fl.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/lhQa3DjxzoTSNnmK8p1CQQ/o.jpg) in question. It's the second from the right.

I feel like 160 is too little. Should I up it to 200? But if I do that I have to modify my whole routine to accommodate the extra 40 calories and that will just through everything off. Suggestions?

---

[Help] Party hard and just call it a night?
/u/quietpandaa [5'1 | 97 | 19.1 | -13 | 19F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 22:32:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y65yk/party_hard_and_just_call_it_a_night/
---
So, tomorrow night (today technically since it's past midnight for me?) is a really big event for students at my school. Basically we're getting sorted into our upperclassman houses the following morning, so the night before everyone congregates with their friends that they chose to get sorted with and parties. I've basically been avoiding all social interaction for a while because I don't want to have to deal with eating out or alcohol calories, but I really can't skip out on this event, nor do I want to since it's such a big thing and I'll only experience it once.

It'll be drinking games and tons of snacks all night. I'm trying to decide whether to say fuck it on calories and just let myself eat and drink for the night almost as a binge kind of thing, or to not eat anything and say it's because I'm on medicine (which I am but meh) and that I'm just not hungry. Ugh. Trying to predict how much weight I'd gain from one night of drinking and eating is stressful.

---

[Discussion] DAE tend to eat more around certain people?
/u/lululights
Created: Tue Mar 7 22:06:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y61r3/dae_tend_to_eat_more_around_certain_people/
---
No flair because mobile!

When I'm alone all day I tend to eat like a bird. Occasionally I'll binge, but more often I essentially forget food exists.
When I'm with my SO, though, it is a constant battle to stay under my calorie goal. To be fair, he's a thin person with a very high metabolism, so he can eat, like, 3000+ calories a day with little to no weight gain (#jealous). When he eats, it's so natural for me to eat as well.
I always get back home after the time we spend together weighing .5-2 pounds more and it's hindering my progress and honestly so frustrating. I feel like a failure because I can't control myself.

Anyways, does anyone else have this issue? How can I combat it?

---

[Help] I'm really nervous
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 22:03:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y619p/im_really_nervous/
---
I'm gonna wear a tank-top with my arms showing for the first time in forever. I feel like I'm gonna look really huge and I need a bit of encouragement. I haven't worn anything but sweaters and sweatshirts for a while. My arms are my biggest insecurity and I'm so frightened of showing them to the world. I'm afraid my boobs are gonna look saggy and my stomach is gonna protrude. There's this guy I really wanna impress, but if I'm a walking tent, that's not gonna happen. I just need someone to tell me that everyone is not looking at me and I'm going to be fine.

---

[Rant/Rave] Halo top yummmm
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Tue Mar 7 21:52:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y5zac/halo_top_yummmm/
---
So I got birthday cake, cookies and cream, and vanilla. Well I ate all of the vanilla one today. I think it's 240 or 260 calories (I can't remember and I'm too lazy to look it up so I'm going with 260). My bf commented on me eating it all and he was all disappointed bc he didn't get to try any. I was like well that was my ice cream I bought for 6 bucks.... I guess I have to buy them in doubles now so he can have one... anyways he suggested that I stay within the serving size even though the whole container is only 260ish calories... I'm just so annoyed with food and everything and other people's input. I wish I never brought up the food thing and that no one could tell that it bothers me. Uhhh


Mobile no flair rant

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[Rant/Rave] I can't stop binging and thinking about purging!!
/u/peanutbutteredbanana
Created: Tue Mar 7 21:39:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y5xaw/i_cant_stop_binging_and_thinking_about_purging/
---
Tbh I'm mostly posting this so I can hold myself accountable to stop fucking up 😂. I've increased my calories by a bit because I'm going to the gym everyday and I wanted to build muscle but all I've done is binge! I'm soo bloated and I've been losing sleep because I stay up late just eating and eating. I really just want to fast for days but I know I'll just binge afterwards ?? I've been having thoughts about purging too and I've never purged before so I'm worried /: I'm so lost in my eating disorder, I've never been a binger before.

---

[Rant/Rave] STAY. AWAY. FROM NUTS.
/u/canwefloat [5'5 | 120 | - 11 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 20:38:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y5mkc/stay_away_from_nuts/
---
Hi.

I've been recovering for a while now but sometimes I'll do something weird, and I just need this community to vent to.


Have you ever had roasted and salted pecans? They're freaking dope. So dope, I've had about 600 calories of them today, along with almonds.

Why why why did I buy a bag of them. Uergh. I'm trying to eat healthy, not binge on the most addictive-yet-unsatiating food ever.

I'm over my cals for the day and I'm just aiming for 1,200. It's not even supposed to be hard.

P.S. I've been trying to do keto but ate two cookies???? why body

P. P. S. I finally updated my flair to reflect my sustained 8 lb weight gain haha C O O L

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Tue Mar 7 20:31:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y5lc9/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/votnboe1t3ky.jpg

---

Casually sitting at the table...
/u/elttil_snatas
Created: Tue Mar 7 20:28:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y5ku5/casually_sitting_at_the_table/
---
Eating 2 XL chocolate bars and waiting for death to take me because I'm out of sleeping pills

How is everyone?

---

[Rant/Rave] Tried to gently reincorporate bread into my diet today. Guess who just ate an entire loaf of bread hahahaha
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105.2 | GW 95]
Created: Tue Mar 7 20:15:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y5ikb/tried_to_gently_reincorporate_bread_into_my_diet/
---
Why am I like this

Thank god it was the 40cal bread

---

[Help] Can anybody reassure me a little? Currently freaking out :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 7 19:47:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y5diu/can_anybody_reassure_me_a_little_currently/
---
[deleted]

---

[Other] Hey I write dumb, not-great poems, this is one about eating disorders
/u/TeaCupGirl [5'7" | CW 119.2lbs | 18.7 | -20.8lb |]
Created: Tue Mar 7 19:20:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y58m3/hey_i_write_dumb_notgreat_poems_this_is_one_about/
---
Freeing my cheekbones from their prison


cells of fat


setting fire to the folds


and rolls


holding them hostage


till the sun bleached bones


float


gently to the surface


of my sea foam skin.


Then,


like wooden wind chimes


they'll make music as I breathe


and echo their songs to the


crowns of my teeth


so as I say


"I'm not hungry"


to me,



those words will be melodies.


And I'll take the truth


behind that phrase


and write it on my thinnest


paper;


I'll hide that secret scroll inside


the hollow bones along my side


and I will stay as still as stone


As quiet as the silent ghost.


And if my heart


does fail its test,


I will not let my body rest


Those words may be my eulogy


but may they say that


I was free.

---

me_irl
/u/fuckloveitsoverrated
Created: Tue Mar 7 19:11:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y56xh/me_irl/
---
http://i.imgur.com/vclpXzv.jpg

---

[Discussion] He said I felt smaller!
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 204.6 lbs | -70.4lbs | GW: 115 | 26F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 18:58:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y54f8/he_said_i_felt_smaller/
---
My husband doesn't usually comment on my weight because he doesn't want to encourage the ED.. but he came up behind me earlier to give me a hug and said "wow, I can feel that you've lost weight. You're smaller!"

And I'm just walking on air.

I OBVIOUSLY have a long way to go.. but for tonight, I'm happy.

---

[Discussion] What other related subreddits do you follow?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 7 18:40:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y514g/what_other_related_subreddits_do_you_follow/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Instagram frustrations
/u/skinnypod [5'6" | 121 | 19.8 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 17:10:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y4ji2/instagram_frustrations/
---
Just a rant really. And a question I guess?

What tags do you guys use to search for thinspo on instagram?

I used to just browse tumblr all day, looking at bodies I wished I had, but I've had to delete the app from my phone. Instagram seems to have blocked the thinspo tag and various related ones (though they've allowed fatspo but that's a rant for a different day...)

Is instagram having a massive anti-thin crack down? Or just in the tag sections, and the dedicated thinspo accounts are still up if you know where to look?

---

[Discussion] Good ED web series/vlogs?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 16:34:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y4bzp/good_ed_web_seriesvlogs/
---
I'm especially looking for those not in recovery. Something like anonymous brahette. I can't sleep and I have like 3 hours to kill. Any suggestions would be very appreciated :)

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[Discussion] Suggestions for lowcal condiments/spices to snack on?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 7 16:32:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y4bj2/suggestions_for_lowcal_condimentsspices_to_snack/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I just ate 1,000 calories in 2 tiny dessert bars.. I think.. Help?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 7 16:06:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y462t/i_just_ate_1000_calories_in_2_tiny_dessert_bars_i/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Is anyone else paranoid their BMR/TDEE is lower than calculators say?
/u/foldedpapercranes [5'6'' | 105lbs | bmi 17| F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 15:40:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y40ng/is_anyone_else_paranoid_their_bmrtdee_is_lower/
---
I trust CICO...but what if my calories out is lower than the calculators say?

I estimate my TDEE to be 1550 sedentary and higher when I run. I've been trying to avoid binging and have been eating 1200-1300 calories every day. This gives me a very low margin of error...if I binge once or go over, my deficit is gone. But I know if I restrict below for too long I will eventually binge.

I was very unhappy on 700-800 calories a day and I can't risk binging. I'm tempted to pay $100 for a BMR test just to see if I'm below average or what.

I know I can reverse calculate my TDEE, but then I'm paranoid I didn't log perfectly. Or that water retention messed up the data. I haven't had a whoosh yet and I may be retaining water since I started running...but I've run before and never had this. :P

---

[Goal] Tomorrow is a new day
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Tue Mar 7 15:35:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y3zmw/tomorrow_is_a_new_day/
---
I binged like I have never binged before. Partially it was bc I got frustrated with the fact that my weight wasn't dropping much even after severely restricting and starting to exercise. and also bc I ate more than I expected on my bday which caused me to not be able to regulate to eating little the next day. But instead of beating the hell out of myself, I am going to let today go. I'm going to be OK. I will get back on track tomorrow. I will reach my goal weight. It might seem impossible, but I will. It'll be all OK.

---

[Other] Looked at myself objectively for the first time in a long time and wasn't all that upset.
/u/almightylurker [5'1" | 140 | 26.45 | -70 | 19F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 15:19:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y3w6y/looked_at_myself_objectively_for_the_first_time/
---
So the other night I got really fucking high and was sitting on the edge of my bf's bed, staring at my clothed reflection in his window &I actually saw myself for what I was. As hard as it is to admit, especially since I still feel huge, I'm no longer fat. I'm what people would describe as chubby. Those 65 pounds I've lost (I need to update my flair) are actually gone. It feels so liberating.


Now, this doesn't mean shit when it comes to how thin I want to be, but it's nice I suppose, to know that I don't look morbidly obese anymore. Idk guys, I'm just super motivated and wanted to tell someone who isn't my bf lol.

---

[Help] Dental care?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 7 14:50:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y3pt9/dental_care/
---
[deleted]

---

[Other] I think this is goodbye (and a thank you)
/u/dnedna [5'7" | 116.4 | GW:108 | 18.22]
Created: Tue Mar 7 13:42:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y3amq/i_think_this_is_goodbye_and_a_thank_you/
---
My flair isn't right. I've been avoiding this sub because I have been binging for the last 3 weeks and I think I have gained around 10-15 lbs. I am too scared to weigh myself. My jeans don't fit any more, not even my loosest pair. I can feel the fat clinging to me. My thighs touch for the first time in my adult life and I am terrified and disgusted and I need this to stop because I can't stop it by myself and I don't know what to do. I cannot stop eating. There is a monster in me who is never quiet i am out of control i cannot stand this any more.

I am dropping out of university in three days but do not think I will not make it until the end of the week. I have everything I need to end it. I can't live like this in this body and this head. If this is my last post here, then thank you to everyone on here who I have ever spoken to - you let the light in in the worst times, and I am sorry I could not be as brave as you are.

---

[Discussion] Is anyone else putting off getting their driver's license until they lose weight?
/u/Princess_Scarlet
Created: Tue Mar 7 13:38:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y39r4/is_anyone_else_putting_off_getting_their_drivers/
---
I'm turning seventeen next month and still don't have my licence, my 15 year old friend is getting her permit in a few weeks. I feel terrible about myself because everyone else around me can drive but I'm terrified to put my weight on the damn licence. I know as soon as I get it everyone will want to see it and I'll basically just be handing them over a card that says what I weigh. Ugh, I could mark over my weight with a sharpie but I don't think that's legal :/

---

[Intro] As good a time as any..
/u/Moshi_Moshi_Teriyaki [5'9 | CW 132 | UGW 115 | -25]
Created: Tue Mar 7 13:12:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y33ia/as_good_a_time_as_any/
---
Well hello there

I've been a long time lurker but making the jump now to introduce myself. I'm Moshi Moshi, and I've had a not quite normal relationship with food since I was about 12.

I'm an over-exerciser and restrictor, and I've been doing really well recently in working off the weight from my last relationship ending. I've also just found out my ex (who I work with) is dating someone else in the office now. And has been for 2 months. And has invited her to a mutual friends wedding in 6 months time.

I'm in a really weird place right now, but you guys seem lovely. So if you don't mind me seeking a little bit of shelter here for a while, I promise to give you all the good vibes I can spare.

---

[Rant/Rave] Not allowed to weigh under 110 pounds
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 105.8 | 20 | -12 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Mar 7 12:16:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y2qg0/not_allowed_to_weigh_under_110_pounds/
---
I had to keep my weight at around a hundred and ten for weeks. I'm really dissatisfied and unhappy. You see, I donate plasma. It allows me to have a little extra money for my own. My husband pays for everything else, and he would buy me anything I wanted if I asked, but I don't want to burden him anymore. So I decided to make my own money for personal needs. But I don't think a hundred dollars a week is worth this. Maybe I can figure out a way to trick their scales... The usual things... down half a gallon of water, wear bell bottom jeans and sew weights to the inner hems. I feel terrible having to lie, especially since if I get caught I'll never be allowed to donate plasma again, and there goes all my money. But I can't keep my weight at a hundred and ten pounds. I think the restlessness I feel is going to kill me. I hate having to intentionally sabotage my progress by eating handfuls of chocolate chips. I hate having to think of how much weight I could have lost by now if I'd only been allowed to try.

---

[Help] Going to the movies...
/u/skinny-waifu [5'2|HW 150 |CW 121|LW 113|F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 12:09:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y2ovw/going_to_the_movies/
---
I'm going to the movies with my boyfriend and a few friends, I totally forgot that it was happening... I'm just really scared of all the popcorn that I'm going to eat. To make matters worse my friend came to my door with WAFER BARS AND CARAMEL CHOCOLATE. I had one 140 calorie bar and two rows of chocolate. I just need some comfort for my anxiety and some tips for not binging but still looking like I'm eating so my friends don't get suspicious.

---

[Discussion] DAE feel like your ED will turn you into who you want to be?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 7 11:58:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y2lyv/dae_feel_like_your_ed_will_turn_you_into_who_you/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] F****** up the woosh
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 11:03:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y26tl/f_up_the_woosh/
---
So I had a plateau at my lowest weight in about 6months at 156.8 and I kept eating and working out the same amount, trying to push through it but this weekend I went out drinking with friends and then had a 3 day binge on pasta, cheese, burgers, chicken nuggets, fries, you name it. AND GUESS WHAT. I weighed in this morning at 156.8. Calorie wise I ate at least 2-4 lbs worth of calories, meaning my woosh happened and I counteracted it with binging. Such a shitty feeling! I'm happy I'm not up but feel so pissed I could have finally broken 155. This week i'm going to restrict/work out more and make sure i see that number soon.

How is y'all's week going?

---

[Thinspo] I found a new (for me) thinspo song...been listening to it basically on repeat for the last few days.
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|106|18.8|F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 10:46:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y2241/i_found_a_new_for_me_thinspo_songbeen_listening/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgYZ8Tz9XI4

---

[Intro] Introducing...
/u/mastermindtinycat [5'2" | CW: 92.8lbs | GW: 81 lbs? | 17.6 | F | ]
Created: Tue Mar 7 10:41:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y20q2/introducing/
---
Hi Proed!

Long time listener, first time caller. I know this is probably a fucked up thing to say on many levels, but I think I'm in good company here: y'all are very inspiring.

I know how hard it is to carry on your day like nothing is happening, pretending that you're not literally starving. Smile and keep making the motions, ignoring the beast ripping you to shreds from the inside. I know what that's like. Yet you all keep moving forward, and it's beautiful to see you all supporting each other along the way. I would like to lend my support in any way I can.

Just some bits about me: I'm the perfectionist type of disordered eater with OCD tendencies, mostly AN but I do b/p so who fuckin knows anyway. 24 now, but I've been restricting and b/ping since I was 12. I'm a healthcare researcher (I know) and planning on applying to medical school shortly (I KNOW).

I'm always here to listen, share some advice, and be here for y'all. Thanks for everything you do and share and say, and know that there's a stranger out there in the world who thinks you are all beautiful.

Sorry for the long, sappy post. Guess my body is trying to cling on to some semblance of a hormonal cycle that dried up long ago.

Nice to meet you!

-Mastermindtinycat ❤️️

---

[Rant/Rave] I just mini-binged on a bunch of prunes uh oh
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Tue Mar 7 09:51:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y1mz6/i_just_minibinged_on_a_bunch_of_prunes_uh_oh/
---
Hahaha oops.

So, maybe not a legit binge, but definitely a mini-binge. I was ULTRA stressed because of some stuff, and hungry, and thought fuck it, gonna stress-eat some stuff that was too close to hand. I had some chocolate, peanut butter, and some prunes. I only had normal portions of the chocolate and peanut butter but I ended up finishing the bag of prunes. It was only 900kcal worth of food total so I havn't overdone the cals for the day at least (yet) and the stress eating feeling is gone and I'm full... but I have absolutely overdone the prunes.

Should have seen my face when I reached into the bag whilst watching Netflix and there were no prunes left. "ohh piss...". I only bought it to begin with because I've been really constipated since restricting again and was planning to have a few each night. I.. I don't think constipation will be a problem any more xD

I'm currently chugging water to help things along. I've had worse binges on foods that I think would actually have a worse effect so I'm not freaking out too much. It's just.. oh god, prune mini-binge xD

Wish me luck guys... xD

---

[Discussion] overtired and eating to stay awake?
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 142.4 | 20.7 | GW2 145 | GW3 139]
Created: Tue Mar 7 09:15:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y1d65/overtired_and_eating_to_stay_awake/
---
On mobile,can't flair.
Does anyone else when they are really tired feel like they need food not to fulfill hunger, but for energy to stay awake? I did not sleep a lot last night and am so SO tired at work, to the point that coffee/bronk is not working. I'm not hungry at all but ate a banana and rice cakes for some energy. I feel like such a loser bc I can usually make it until 3 or so at work without eating.
Does this happen to anyone else? I feel like a loser.

---

[Help] Harm reduction help?
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Tue Mar 7 08:54:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y17d4/harm_reduction_help/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] Thinking about going keto/low-carb. Anybody have experience with that?
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:114.2🌸 BMI:20.2🌙 -30.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Tue Mar 7 08:40:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y13t6/thinking_about_going_ketolowcarb_anybody_have/
---
So, carbs are my fucking downfall. I've made some good progress since this started and dropped over 20 lbs, but I still eat too many carbs. I think I'd have an easier time losing weight and feeling fuller if I cut out all the bread/crackers/rice I've been eating.

BUT! That means basically totally overhauling my diet. I'm used to waking up to a bowl of Kashi crunch, but that shit is 20 carbs per serving! Agh.

**So my questions for you guys are:**

1. How many carbs should I shoot for to go into ketosis? I've heard anywhere from 20-50g per day. 20 seems impossible for my carb-loving ass, but 50 seems like too much. Would 35 work for someone my size? I'm planning on buying some of those test strips that test your pee for ketones so I can make sure I'm doing it right.

1. How long before you started noticing a change in how you felt/looked?

1. Any negative "symptoms" (fatigue, bloating) of going keto that I should watch out for? How long do they last?

1. Any easy/simple keto recipes for quick snacks/meals that are low-cal and low-carb?

1. Any tips/tricks to keep me from cracking and giving into carbs? I'm thinking about upping my calories to 1200 just for the first week, because I feel like trying to restrict while also purging my body of carbs and craving them like crazy is a recipe for disaster.

I'd ask this over in /r/keto but the second anyone in one of those subs sees my post history here, I either get banned from the sub, my post gets deleted, or people comment that they won't help me because you shouldn't do keto with an ED. Plus I trust you guys more.

**P.S.:** I ate mashed potatoes last night (#1 trigger food) and didn't binge! I just had one scoop like a fucking normal person, and fiancé made them without using fucktons of butter and cream so they weren't too unhealthy.

**EDIT:** Um, nevermind. After learning more and having my first breakfast of only almonds and raspberries, I give up. That breakfast had way more calories and fat than I usually eat for breakfast, and guess what? I'm still starving. I can't live without bananas, brussels sprouts, and brown rice. I can't live on fucking 10 carbs without going insane and eating an entire loaf of bread. Thanks for trying to help anyway, guys. Please excuse my shitty mood - I'm frustrated at this stupid diet, at my stupid fat self for failing it before I even started it, at my hormones for making me bloated and moody, and just...at the world, for having people that exist in it happily and successfully. I am such a fucking failure. Jesus Christ.

To all your keto-ers out there, fucking kudos. I'm gonna try for a few days but I can already tell it's not gonna work. You guys are clearly gods among us. I cannot for the life of me understand how someone has the self-control to only eat 10 carbs without going fucking insane. God I hate myself.

---

[Discussion] What's your grocery list usually like?
/u/Sundriana
Created: Tue Mar 7 08:18:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y0y4d/whats_your_grocery_list_usually_like/
---
I'm going shopping today, and usually I can come up with things but today I can't. Yesterday I binged pretty hard on Chinese food and I'm trying to go back to my daily limit of 200-250.
So far I have:
Spinach
Ranch
15 cal noodles
Laughing cow cheese
String cheese
Smart pop or whaTever it's called
Coke Zero
Olives (possibly)
Sugar free jello
Miso soup package
Coffee
Also no flair cause le mobile


Thank you so much for all the suggestions :)
Now I have a huge list for the next few weeks!

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[Rant/Rave] "Please don't lose anymore weight"
/u/erilaz- [5'7 | CW: 160 | GW: 110 | -60lbs | F]
Created: Tue Mar 7 06:58:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y0gfb/please_dont_lose_anymore_weight/
---
"This is a good weight for you, you're looking too skinny"

I am still overweight, I still plan to lose weight, and having this conversation with my mom is so frustrating. It seemed that she would be mad if I lost anymore weight.

I tried to explain to her I was still six pounds away from a normal weight and her response was "...okay, I guess you could lose six more pounds. But no more"

Thinking about teetering between normal and overweight gave me so much anxiety. I tried to consider it but I just can't.

And I know it's because she's never seen me this small, and all that shenanagins of living with unhealthy people and how my success exacerbates her failure at losing weight. But I was wondering if anyone else had this conversation and how they went about explaining to someone that this is not "too skinny"??

Thanks(also mobile but deff a rant)

---

[Rant/Rave] First experience with body dysmorphia, or something like it...
/u/invisibone [5'5" | CW 118.6 | F |]
Created: Tue Mar 7 06:34:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5y0caq/first_experience_with_body_dysmorphia_or/
---
So, I've dropped about 27 pounds since late December. Now, that I'm finally in a comfortable place, I find myself needing more reassurance than ever. It's as though I'll wake up and have dreamt the whole thing. Maybe because it happened so fast, thanks to some emothinal stress. I look down, and I don't feel connected to this version of my body yet.

Last night I was going through my closet, and doing my usual shameful trying on of everything I own that doesn't zip or button anymore... And to my huge surprise, it all did. My smallest pair of pants, which are admittedly still too tight to wear outside, zipped and buttoned easily. They just slipped right on. I am so confused by this. I stood in the mirror and could not believe what I was seeing. They haven't fit in 5 years.

Guess I'm just scared it's too good to be true. Feel like I need to lose about 10 more pounds to be safe. But then most of the clothes I've been coveting, that have taunted me from my closet for 5 years, will look loose. Ugh. Idk. I'm just in a weird place.

---

[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A March 07, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Mar 7 05:08:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xzyzx/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_march_07_2017/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 07, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Mar 7 05:08:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xzyz0/daily_food_diary_march_07_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 07, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] What's everyone here's stance on artificial sweeteners? [Discussion]
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Tue Mar 7 02:12:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xzeq8/whats_everyone_heres_stance_on_artificial/
---
Hi y'all! I'm wondering because as of lately I've been chugging diet sodas like water and putting Splenda packets in everything, my oatmeal, hot cocoa, whatever. (So healthy lol!) anyways, I'm wondering what y'all think about them. Do you think they cause harm or do y'all think they're just like any other sweetener? I'm curious because of how much I've been upping my intake of it lately.

---

[Rant/Rave] I think I've accidentally recovered and I'm so confused and scared...
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 24.03 | -68lbs | M]
Created: Tue Mar 7 00:58:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xz6k9/i_think_ive_accidentally_recovered_and_im_so/
---
I was having a lot of binges mid-February so I decided forcing myself to eat maintenance for a couple weeks would reset my body. I figured I'd re-fuel and then be back on the horse no problem with no more binges for a long while. Despite my issues with food I grew accustomed to maintenance fairly quickly. That, of course, started feelings of doubt and anxiety because I felt that I couldn't truly be disordered if I could switch so easily (despite losing nearly seventy pounds in five months. Good one brain.)

I got over those doubts and had decided to start fresh in March. I was so excited to get back to my old ways, I'd been dying to lower my calories for several days but made myself finish February at maintenance for the benefit of my health. Now I'm a full week into March and I'm still not back on track. It's like, I can't even force myself to eat the amount I thought was 'too much' even a month ago. Every day is the same shit. I start with good intentions and am over my old limits by mid-afternoon. I'm still restricting I guess but it doesn't feel like it because it's double my old safe-zone and half the days I've still capped off at maintenance.

I'm freaking out. I feel like I literally can't eat the way I want to anymore. I'm terrified that I've somehow recovered at least on some level and now I'm going to be stuck here, not gaining but no longer losing when I'm still fat and gross. What the fuck am I supposed to do? UGHH

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[Other] Alone and sad with $10.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 22:48:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xypsr/alone_and_sad_with_10/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Fucked up teeth/getting married
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Mon Mar 6 21:43:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xyfmx/fucked_up_teethgetting_married/
---
So I have an underbite and I think it's he ugliest thing ever. In all my pics I smile with my mouth shut. I never ever smile with teeth or even dare think about it. I guess I'm semi lucky bc my teeth are straight, but the bottom jaw does protrude out. Anyways I want to get facial surgery to correct it. I refuse to mess with braces/retainers and all that jazz. I'm going to make an appt for a consultation next week. Anyways I'm exited that I won't be able to properly chew for minimal 2 months so maybe I could drop massive weight before getting married??? I want it so bad lol. I also want to buy a new car... so there goes all my money.. a car bc that's practical and jaw surgery so I can lose massive weight and benefit from pretty teeth. I'm so jelly belly of everyone with nice teeth :/


Mobile no flair

---

[Help] Worried about fainting
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Mon Mar 6 21:38:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xyeqt/worried_about_fainting/
---
My college is pretty health conscious and we are required to take a few credits of some sort of physical/recreational activity. Currently I'm in tennis and lately I've been feeling faint and lacking energy. I've never fainted before, but last class at the end I was seeing black, but I sat down for a couple minutes and I was fine and went to my room and took a nap. I've been more restrictive the past few days and I have tennis tomorrow and I'm very worried. I don't plan on eating much prior to it because I have dinner plans with my friends. What should I do?

*I have tennis in an hour I had a good amount of food and a Powerade.
I have to rearrange the calories for the rest of my day, but I'd rather do that than pass out.
Thanks for everyone for the advice ☺️

---

[Help] How much fat do you need to absorb vitamin D?
/u/capture_the_excite
Created: Mon Mar 6 21:01:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xy8n9/how_much_fat_do_you_need_to_absorb_vitamin_d/
---
I just went over some bloodwork with my doc this afternoon and he prescribed me some super-strong vitamin D supplement. I read about it a little bit after getting back and everywhere says that it's best absorbed if you have fat in your diet, but how much (grams, % of diet, etc)? I'm asking because I don't currently eat a lot of fat and I'd like to only add what I need to.

---

[Rant/Rave] Recovery
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 20:45:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xy5sh/recovery/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Do those flavor blasted® xtra cheddar® goldfish have crack in them?
/u/diekorrekturen [5'6.5 | 130 | 20.6 | GW: 110 | -26 | 21F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 20:34:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xy3qe/do_those_flavor_blasted_xtra_cheddar_goldfish/
---
Because what else can explain me binging on those fucking crackers no less than three times this week?

I nearly had a panic attack today because the size 4 jeans I was wearing, which fit fine ~2 weeks ago, are now wayyy too fucking tight. and i'm still *forcing* myself not to go to the rite aid next door to buy more and binge.

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[Rant/Rave] Tried to recover on my own and gained 15 pounds, hate myself (before/after included)
/u/everlastingethereal [5'4.5" | LW: 96 | CW and HW: 111 :( | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 20:26:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xy2cd/tried_to_recover_on_my_own_and_gained_15_pounds/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I want go to swim
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 20:23:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xy1t8/i_want_go_to_swim/
---
I love swimmjng. I'm not very good at it, but it's one of my favorite activities. However, I haven't been in the water for about a year now. My ED won't let me.

I'm so scared of people seeing me in a swimsuit. I'm scared of people looking at me in disgust, of being one of those landwhales people call home about.

I just want to go swim so badly. It clears my head. Of all the things my ED could've taken and ruined, why this?

Rant/rave

---

[Discussion] Why is it easier to stick to 600 calories than 1900?
/u/throwaway8274859
Created: Mon Mar 6 20:14:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xy04w/why_is_it_easier_to_stick_to_600_calories_than/
---
I find that if I pick a "reasonable" number of calories, which for me according to My Fitness Pal is just over 1900, it's *impossible* to stick to it. I always end up eating 2100-2200 calories.

If I try to stick to a number that to most outside this sub seems abnormal, like 600 calories, I easily meet it.

I think it's that the 1900 number seems so big, I think I can eat anything. But 1900 calories of cheese fries is basically nothing.

With 600, I know basically many foods are a no-go. There will be no bread. No dairy. No grilled chicken breast for dinner.

Today I had a breakfast of coffee with a dash of cashew milk. Lunch was a CRAP TON of fruit. (There is a Whole Foods near my work which is amazing.) Dinner was chicken noodle soup. The total calorie count is 394, and I honestly feel like I *feasted* today.

Tomorrow I'll probably stick to coffee for breakfast, have a lunch of raw zucchini and tomatoes with a little vinegar (again Whole Foods salad bar ftw) and maybe I'll even splurge with an entire pint of Halo Top.

---

[Rant/Rave] I had a breakdown at the grocery store [rant]
/u/mcac [5'7" | 159.6 | 25.00 | -110.4lb | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 19:38:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxtnr/i_had_a_breakdown_at_the_grocery_store_rant/
---
My bf knows about my ED and is super supportive and encouraging so for him I have been trying to eat more normally lately. I am still restricting but I'm trying to stay in the 800-1000 cal range with no more fasting. It's been really hard for me to eat that much but I've been managing.

We spent the day together yesterday and I had expected we would eventually go out to dinner or something but by the time we got around to dinner it was pretty late and the only thing open was the grocery store. I figured I would be ok if I just got my usual frozen meal + a pint of Halo Top which ends up being around 800 calories and feels safe for me. But my bf suggested it would be better if I got "something healthier".

He was genuinely trying to be helpful, but that seriously ruined me. I no longer had a safe plan for what to buy and the huge amount of options at grocery stores is so overwhelming for me. It didn't help that he also didn't know what he wanted so he was aimlessly wandering around the store trying to figure out what he wanted to eat. Eventually we ended up in the bakery area by the bread and cookies and I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. He could tell I was upset and I asked if we could just leave ASAP. I ended up not getting anything.

When we got to the car I totally broke down and started crying. Once I calmed down I explained what was going on and how his unintentional food policing affected me. And how upset I was that I wanted to eat but ended up with nothing due to my stupid anxiety. He apologized and said it was ok and he was still proud of me for trying and was just super supportive and amazing as he usually is. I am honestly so lucky to have him and I feel like I don't deserve it.

I thought I was getting better but I don't think I realized how bad my fear of food had gotten until last night. I wish I could just be a normal person who can just eat a fucking meal without needing to plan it out days in advance or have panic attacks at the fucking grocery store.

---

[Discussion] Why does the scale stay low, but I look like I weigh so much?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 19:36:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxt3t/why_does_the_scale_stay_low_but_i_look_like_i/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] i wish food didn't exist
/u/thukui [5'3 | CW 108 | GW 88 | 21F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 19:15:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxp9j/rantrave_i_wish_food_didnt_exist/
---
why does it have to be all or nothing with me. my stomach either hurts from not eating for days or eating everything i can get my hands on. why can't i just eat normally?
i wished i just sucked up energy from the sun or something. fml

---

[Goal] Let's make an exercise goal and come back and write about it when we're done.
/u/omw2skinny
Created: Mon Mar 6 19:10:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxof3/lets_make_an_exercise_goal_and_come_back_and/
---
I'm gonna go drink some coffee, even though it's like 6pm, then get bundled up to go for a walk, and my goal is to get...
20k steps in.

I'm so disgusted and upset with myself. I feel like I'm going crazy. Every day has been the same. I'm only getting older. I'm young and able-bodied, why can I do anything right!?

I need to live my life. And finally getting skinny is the first step there.

(Also going to try to get prozac tomorrow, if anyone had experience with it let me know. Something is wrong with me.)

edit: no flair, fucking mobile

---

[Discussion] Boyfriend broke up with me
/u/StrongHandsShakeHard
Created: Mon Mar 6 18:54:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxl7p/boyfriend_broke_up_with_me/
---
So today was a binge day. How can I keep myself on track while dealing with the heartbreak? My first response to dealing with sadness is to eat...

He is my first love :( thanks for any and all replies. <3

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo. This is unreal.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Mar 6 18:46:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxjnz/daily_thinspo_this_is_unreal/
---
https://i.redd.it/9k54bzjg5wjy.jpg

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Thoughts on diet pop?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 18:26:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxg1c/thoughts_on_diet_pop/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Stepped on the new scale...
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:114.2🌸 BMI:20.2🌙 -30.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Mon Mar 6 18:17:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxeba/stepped_on_the_new_scale/
---
So some of you guys know I was totally shitting myself about the scale arriving from Amazon. It's a smart scale or some shit, so you step on these metal parts and it tells you your weight, body fat %, water %, bone mass, BMR, and tons of other shit. I was terrified because I'd been mini-bingeing at night after restricting all day. A couple of you suggested doing high restriction and eating 3 times a day, so I started doing that. I feel fatter than ever, and despite working out a ton I feel like I look like a jiggly wet noodle. I'm bloated because my period is on it's way and constipated from restricting. TL;DR: I feel and look like shit.

I was SO sure I had gained 5 lbs because of hormone-related water weight. I always bloat like crazy before my period. But I sucked it up, and stepped on the scale anyway. And I fucking lost a pound! 123.8 - 122.8 exactly, and that's with all the water weight! So it's possible I'll be even less here in a few days once the bloating goes down. Also, my BMR is apparently like 1700 calories, but there's no way that's true I feel like. Body fat is at 20%, so I've still got a lot of work to do. I'm so fucking excited though, and really pleased we got that scale.

---

[Help] My coworker brought in pastries and it triggered a full on binge and now I'm so so so depressed
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 18:03:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxbol/my_coworker_brought_in_pastries_and_it_triggered/
---
[deleted]

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How do you keep from gaining when you eat more calories than usual? :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 17:55:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xxa8z/how_do_you_keep_from_gaining_when_you_eat_more/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I hate this cycle
/u/borrow_our_light [5'6| 132.2lbs | 21.42 BMI | GW 125 | UGW 115 | 20F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 16:38:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xwuy7/i_hate_this_cycle/
---
For the past month I've been gaining and loosing the same 5 pounds. I get to my new low weight and then I binge for like 5 days and I go right back up to a number that literally throws me into a breakdown. Then I fast for a week and I'm back down. Over and over agin I hate it.

I would rather just plateau, even though that's frustrating too. At least I wouldn't find myself on my bathroom floor crying as much though.

On mobile can't flair

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[Rant/Rave] I guess I need my good police bf after all
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Mon Mar 6 15:30:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xwfyx/i_guess_i_need_my_good_police_bf_after_all/
---
I'm such a failure. I caved and ate the food I was acting all badass about not needing to be policed on. I guess lll just listen to my bf and not get anything that can trigger me. I always think I'm stronger/tougher than I am.

Mobile no flair

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Was the restaurant wrong?
/u/Cecira
Created: Mon Mar 6 14:08:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xvx8r/was_the_restaurant_wrong/
---
[removed]

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[Help] In recovery but can't let go?
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Mon Mar 6 13:10:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xvk6m/in_recovery_but_cant_let_go/
---
I'm in inpatient and being discharged on Wednesday but I just can't seem to let go of Ana? I know that it's going to take time to recover but I don't know if I want to wait that time... I'm on the lower side of the healthy range for my weight so they don't want me to gain or lose but I really still want to lose despite the fact that now I know that anorexia has fucked with my heart even at a healthy weight.

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Walking/biking for weight-loss? (hear me out)
/u/omw2skinny
Created: Mon Mar 6 12:46:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xvejs/walkingbiking_for_weightloss_hear_me_out/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Have any of you gotten plastic surgery?
/u/retrosensibility [5'3 | CW 118 | GW 100 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 12:35:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xvbtx/discussion_have_any_of_you_gotten_plastic_surgery/
---
I've lurked for a while but I created an account finally, so hi everyone!

I'm considering plastic surgery (breast lift, potentially a nose job later) and I wanted to know if any of you had experience with the whole process. Any advice/recommendations would be appreciated!

---

[Rant/Rave] Weirdly supportive family rant
/u/spacebaconkitty [6'1" F | never good enough ]
Created: Mon Mar 6 12:26:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xv9sd/weirdly_supportive_family_rant/
---
Hi all, long time lurker here and super grateful for this group. <3 I'm 6'1" female and hoping to get to 140lbs like I used to be a few years ago before ballooning up to over 200 :((

The more weight I lose through severe restriction and purging only when I have a slip up, the more it seems my husband and family are supportive. When I ask him if he thinks I have ED (officially diagnosed 5 years ago for the first time), he doesn't think so and says he's proud of me for having more self control than he does. My parents think that purging and anorexia are "great for weight loss". Idk they're Polish...

The whole point is to look as sick on the outside as I do on the inside and they're cheering me on?!

Yes I should feel lucky and grateful that he lets me do whatever I want, but I wish he cared just a teensy bit that I haven't gone above 1200 calories without purging in months. (I'm breastfeeding 9mo twins so it's really not a lot).

Anyway, thanks for letting me get that off my chest

---

[Discussion] Do your safe foods change?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 12:25:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xv9k6/do_your_safe_foods_change/
---
[deleted]

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Skeleton Song- Kate Nash
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 12:14:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xv6xk/skeleton_song_kate_nash/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3UE0Sp2vbg

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[Help] How many calories are in deli chicken?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 11:36:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xuy3y/how_many_calories_are_in_deli_chicken/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Tips to get the "woosh"?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 11:35:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xuxyi/tips_to_get_the_woosh/
---
[removed]

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[Help] My sister keeps eating my diet food! Where can I hide stuff?
/u/pointmass [5'6" | 101.2 | 16.40 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 11:08:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xurpm/my_sister_keeps_eating_my_diet_food_where_can_i/
---
I'm not being selfish or anything (or maybe I am!) but my sister keeps eating my diet food... I don't have a lot of money, but what's worse is if I planned something for today and it's not there, my anxiety level goes through the roof! She eats my shirataki noodles, fat free cheese (which requires refrigeration), vegetables, low cal snacks... they're not super cheap or easy to get...

I don't want confrontation, I just want to be able to find a good place to "hide" my stuff from her... Putting things in my bedroom is not an option because we share a room... any ideas? I can stop worrying about cheese if I must. But I do love my shirataki noodles lol

Edit: She eats it regardless I put my name on it or not. She also calls me out to my parents if I don't share... She's super sweet but I'm worried about her developing ED as well. It's conflicting, really. :/ Whenever I ask her if she needed something when I go grocery shopping, she says no, but then she eats it from my "pile" anyway.

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[Discussion] GW Rewards
/u/dirtandherbs [5'3 | CW 95 | GW 93 | BMI 16.8 | 23F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 11:03:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xuqml/gw_rewards/
---
Does anyone else reward themselves when they hit their next goal weight? I just hit 98 and rewarded myself by buying a couple pairs of size 0 jeggings and a new bikini. What do you do to reward yourself? Do you get new clothes, or treat yourselves in other ways? I used to buy clothes to fit in later, but that just made me feel worse about myself so I saved buying smaller clothes until after I hit my GW. What tactics do you use to reward yourself/work toward your GW?

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[Tip] Fasting mimicking diet lowered risk factors for heart disease, cancer, diabetes and other age-related diseases.
/u/TrappedInAWindow [5'3" | 121 | 21.4 | -16 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 10:11:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xuf2b/fasting_mimicking_diet_lowered_risk_factors_for/
---
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/02/170216103923.htm

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A post of mine got removed?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 09:18:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xu3ct/a_post_of_mine_got_removed/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I want to purge so badly, fuck my life
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 08:58:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xtz6l/i_want_to_purge_so_badly_fuck_my_life/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] I'm a substitute teacher.
/u/all_my_jokes_argon
Created: Mon Mar 6 08:46:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xtwse/im_a_substitute_teacher/
---
Today I'm subbing for high school health and of course it's the eating disorder unit...

They're watching this cheesy-ass movie on ED and I'm just sitting up here pretending I'm not the bulimic elephant in the room.

---

[Rant/Rave] I am bad with titles [RANT]☆☆
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 08:29:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xtt6h/i_am_bad_with_titles_rant/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] DAE only eat mono meals?
/u/edub12345 [5'6 | 132 | 21.3| -13lbs | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 07:43:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xtk35/dae_only_eat_mono_meals/
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I am only able to eat one food item during my meals. I am running a lot and doing high restriction (1200 calories) but every meal I eat is 400 calories of one item. For example, I can only eat 400 calories of eggs for breakfast, 400 calories of chicken for lunch, and 400 calories of cottage cheese for dinner. Lately, combining foods at all will lead me to b/p. Has anyone else experienced this?

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[Other] It's monday and I'm cheering on you!
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 108lb | UGW 98lb |F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 07:43:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xtk1v/its_monday_and_im_cheering_on_you/
---
After a week of fucking up myself, it's finally monday and I'm set on getting back on track. It's a new week, it's a new chance.

So whatever goals you've set for this week, whatever plans you have, whatever happens, know that I am cheering on you, and hope this week brings good things for you all <3

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[Help] Gain weight when sick?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 06:58:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xtbz8/gain_weight_when_sick/
---
[deleted]

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How to keep losing when you're out of the house all day?
/u/nottheexpert836
Created: Mon Mar 6 06:46:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xta47/how_to_keep_losing_when_youre_out_of_the_house/
---
[removed]

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! March 06, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Mar 6 05:10:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xsvu9/weekly_stats_update_march_06_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for March 06, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 06, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Mar 6 05:10:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xsvtn/daily_food_diary_march_06_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 06, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] Temporarily uneven fat distribution when experiencing weight gain during/after restricting - is this true, is it a thing? Do you have any experiences?
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Mon Mar 6 04:39:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xsrw1/temporarily_uneven_fat_distribution_when/
---
Okay so I've posted a lot about my recent three month binge fest. I gained a lot of weight.

But my shoulders, upperback/shoulderblades and collarbone seem to be excessively boney compared to the rest of me. I look chubby/fat all over.. besides there. They are definitely covered in more fat than they were, but it's totally out of proportion. My legs are a bit more proportionate (CHUBBY) but still seem to be a little leaner compared to how fat the rest of me has become. Arms even more proportionate still (FAT) buttt perhaps still a little leaner.

It seems that most of the fat has gone to my face, stomach, and hip area (but my butt is still dead flat lolol cry). Like.. a *lot* of fat. (I've been restricting again 2 weeks, so water retention isn't an issue anymore).

Now, I've read a lot online about how this weird fat distribution is normal when people who restrict/"starve"/had anorexia regain weight for whatever reason through whatever means. Apparently it's temporary, and eventually if you DONT RELAPSE!!!!1 it evens out and your midsection, face etc get slimmer, and the rest of you fills out in proportion.

Sounds great, I've even spoken about the phenomenon here I think, but very recently I'm finding myself feeling that it's hard to believe (at least as a thing that might have happened to me). 2 thoughts:

1) They're lying about 'temporary bad redistribution' to stop people like me from 'relapsing' due to the fact that this fat distribution upon being a higher weight is actually 'normal' for some people, but obviously unfortunate... and so obviously would never 'redistribute', this is just how my body is.

2) Even if true, I never "starved" enough to get this weird distribution upon weight 'regain' (I was never diagnosed with anorexia, or diagnosed with anything tbh). My low weight was only ever so slightly underweight - although the fact that my starting weight was very high might mean something I dunno

3) I'm only imagining my shoulders and collarbone as bonier to make myself feel better about getting fat, when in reality they are fat too.

Eurgh. It doesn't matter anyway, as I am back to restricting either way, but I still wanted to post here to get some experiences and perspectives on this phenomenon, whether it ACTUALLY happens, and so maybe I can figure out if this is why my shoulders look great (I think) but the rest of me looks like a walruses arse.

I'm mostly upset about my face. I can't hide that under baggy t-shirts, at least not without looking like a weirdo.

---

[Rant/Rave] has anyone intentionally bought clothes that are too small?
/u/laughingtothebeat [5'2 | 108 lbs | 20.46 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 6 03:17:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xsihd/has_anyone_intentionally_bought_clothes_that_are/
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I just bought a skirt that is too small and at first it seemed like a great idea to motivate myself. now I just feel guilty, because I bought it while out shopping with my mom so she paid for it and I feel so horrible and awful for doing this!!!

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A lot of food
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 02:41:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xsee1/a_lot_of_food/
---
[deleted]

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[Goal] I'm on a plane heading to spring break with 10 friends, all I can think about is I failed at meeting my goal weight
/u/crumpet9 [5'3 | cw: 105.2 | gw: nothing | 20f]
Created: Mon Mar 6 02:38:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xse0h/im_on_a_plane_heading_to_spring_break_with_10/
---
Spring break was my goal to reach 101. Honestly I would have made it but I had really bad stress and two vacations in 2 weeks + my period so I've ballooned up. I feel disgusting. I'm with my 10 closest friends and I should be stoked and super ready except I'm literally sitting on the plane typing this because I hate how bad I failed. We aren't going to a beach town but we are going somewhere warm with a pool and everyone plans on swimming. I packed so many bathing suits at the beginning of the semester but now I've only packed one and i'm 99.9% sure I won't wear it at all. Most of my friends are skinny and gorgeous and I have never felt more awful. I'm also super sick (sore throat) so purging will make me feel like even more shit if I go that route. Thank god I packed a bunch of Bronkaid though so I plan to EC stack nonstop and hopefully by tomorrow or the third day I'll stop feeling as disgusting as I feel right now. Not worried about my friends noticing bc they're all chill about people skipping meals and we'll be drinking lots anyways so I doubt they'll worry. Honestly they're all amazing and wouldn't care what I looked like in a bathing suit but I just can't get over this "failure" . Sigh, oh well. Thanks for letting me rant!

Also, mods on mobile so please flair as rant/rave

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[Help] could I please have a calorie estimate for this sweet potato? don't have scales at the moment! banana for scale
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 01:58:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xs9q0/could_i_please_have_a_calorie_estimate_for_this/
---
https://i.redd.it/vjudhuob5rjy.jpg

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[Discussion] Has being underweight made you more anxious?
/u/gettinkrafty
Created: Mon Mar 6 01:05:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xs433/has_being_underweight_made_you_more_anxious/
---
I would consider myself a naturally relaxed person. I used to be great at not letting stress get to me, and never really felt fazed by anything. This was true from when my BMI was in the healthy range until somewhere around 16, maybe 15.

Now I find that stress is much more overwhelming. It's harder to deal with unexpected situations, and I get way too worked up about things that don't matter all that much. I feel frustrated with myself for this.

What correlations have you noticed between your BMI and ability to deal with anxiety? Do you think the link is more physiological or mental?

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[Help] It's all or nothing with me and I hate it. (Help me break the binging cycle)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 00:42:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xs1gm/its_all_or_nothing_with_me_and_i_hate_it_help_me/
---
[deleted]

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I have never really done anything like this before, or have tried putting my thoughts into words? (Also this is long, sorry)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 6 00:29:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xs00s/i_have_never_really_done_anything_like_this/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Help, I need someone to listen because I've never told anyone this before
/u/doiresetthebox [Height 6'1| Gender M]
Created: Sun Mar 5 22:21:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xriqt/help_i_need_someone_to_listen_because_ive_never/
---
I'm a guy and been struggling with binging, purging, and fasting for at least 6 years and my weight fluctuates from 170-220lbs at 6'1.

At 170 I didn't go to the gym and had no muscle but now I weigh 205 and go to the gym 5 times a week. I know if I can get to 170 again by mid summer, I'd look a lot better than before at the same weight.

The problem is I'd go through days of fasting then I'd binge due to not eating making me depressed and anxious then I'd get even more depressed after binging. Also the fact that I still talk to my ex because we broke up due to her moving across the country causes my mood to fluctuate since she started "seeing" a guy.

It's midnight and I'm on my third day of fasting, the only problem is the weird taste in my mouth and having trouble sleeping before 4am and I have an 8:30 class tomorrow. I don't know why I'm writing all this, I'm feeling really bad mentally and I really need help motivating me not to binge soon. I hate being obese and having an ED because I feel like if I actually had an ED, I wouldn't be obese.

I just want to be 170 again and I feel like it shouldn't even be hard for normal people because that is only 22.4 BMI and that isn't even close to being underweight.

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I've been keeping my calorie intake under 1000 calories for 2 weeks now and haven't lost shit
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 21:44:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xrcy5/ive_been_keeping_my_calorie_intake_under_1000/
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[removed]

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hi i'm new
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 5 21:26:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xra57/hi_im_new/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Measurements smaller but can't see it
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW104 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 20:19:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xqzh9/measurements_smaller_but_cant_see_it/
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I feel like I'm posting a lot lately so sorry about that.

Anyhow, a few weeks ago I decided I was going to try and eat at maintenance and that lasted for all of 3 days. Since then I've been trying to go back to restricting and I feel like a complete failure because most days I've been above my goal intake. I've been convinced I've gained weight but I don't have access to a scale and I've been too scared to measure myself until about two minutes ago.

So I finally decided to measure myself even though I was certain I would hate the result because I can tell that I'm bloated. My waist is the smallest it has ever been my adult life. It's officially 6.5 inches smaller than when I first started losing weight and 1 inch smaller since I last weighed myself 4 weeks ago. Which yay, that's great right?

Except I can't fucking see the difference in the mirror and I'm just sitting in my room sobbing. Like I've clearly never been thinner, I probably lost weight so I can safely step on the scale in my university's wellness center. But I just can't see it. And if I can't see it what if no one else does? And I know this isn't true because my friends have said I've lost weight and my coworkers have said I'm thinner but I just can't understand why I can't see it and I don't know why but that really upsets me.

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[Rant/Rave] Restricting for my mom
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Sun Mar 5 20:02:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xqwki/restricting_for_my_mom/
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I've been in binge mode for like 2 weeks, I go back home from school for break on Friday so I'm trying to restrict super hard so that my mom won't be a bitch.

When I'm skinnier she is salty, passive aggressive, and dare I say, jealous, meanwhile most mothers show concern when their child's weight drops a crap ton in a short period of time, but what do I know?

And when I'm on the higher end of a normal BMI range she'll comment and try to guess my weight guessing numbers that are like 20 pounds higher than what I weigh because she's a bitch.

So anyway I'll be restricting super hard this week because my mother is literally a monster.
Part of me thinks she might not even make her little comments because I exploded on her last time I was home and she seemed to show remorse of some sort...but idk

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Weight gain after shower?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 5 19:53:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xquz1/weight_gain_after_shower/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm giving up on recovery because it seems as though my girlfriend has, too.
/u/star-of-morning [5'1" | no clue | went to treatment | send help]
Created: Sun Mar 5 19:50:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xquhv/im_giving_up_on_recovery_because_it_seems_as/
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Some of you may not remember me since I haven't been posting on this sub as frequently since I got out of treatment for my ED in the summer. But I've posted before about my live-in girlfriend who also has an eating disorder.

I've had small periods of restriction since getting out of treatment and it would always hurt my girlfriend's feelings when I did. So I would stop. But for the past month or so I've been trying to lose weight the "healthy way" to appease my girlfriend. I've been eating probably 800-1200 calories on any given day and getting exercise 5 out of 7 days a week. I don't weigh myself but my clothes are a little looser. Would I love to go back to restricting to lose weight and be bony and feel happy and in control of my life? Sure. But my girlfriend doesn't allow it.

She's unhappy with her weight and ignores all my attempts to help her lose weight in a healthy manner, as *I've* been doing for the sake of our relationship. But she doesn't want to. She doesn't want slow weight loss. She wants to lose "40 pounds in 40 days" (let's be real, even with restriction that wouldn't happen unless she was morbidly obese, which she isn't). So, as of today, she's stopped eating. She's had a few grapes and like 3 pickles.

This is a big slap in the face to me. What a hypocrite. I can't get myself to break up with her but I guess *both* of us restricting is going to lead to that. So basically, I should care about our relationship and not restrict, but for some reason she's allowed to restrict, not give a shit about our relationship, not care about my recovery and expect me not to restrict AND stay in this relationship?

I'm so angry and I'm so hurt and I know what I'm doing is so passive aggressive but I can't help but feel betrayed and invalidated.

Sigh.

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[Discussion] DAE not have a problem including sweets?
/u/shiver23 [5'5.5 | CW: 134 lbs l UGW: 120><105 lbs l -16 lbs | 25F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 19:21:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xqpki/dae_not_have_a_problem_including_sweets/
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TRIGGER WARNING obvi because of sweets.

I feel like the odd one out here, but does anyone else not have an issue including some sweets in their diet?

I'm not talking straight sugar candy or anything excessive. My eating habits just still include granola bars & oreo thins & the occasional chocolate bar if I've been good.

I do my best to ensure I get enough veggies, fruit & protein first before having my chocolate fix, but if I denied myself sweets I think that would cause more binges rather than my mostly successful restriction habit.

I still stay the hell away from ice cream & french fries though. Sweet potato fries are a blessing!

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Men/ftm trans?
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun Mar 5 18:12:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xqdfd/menftm_trans/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Guilt and Motivation
/u/witchy2628 [5'3 | CW: 145.8| SW:190| 23f]
Created: Sun Mar 5 16:56:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xpzla/guilt_and_motivation/
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So my bff and I both discovered that the other has an eating disorder. One on hand I'm super excited to have an irl person to talk to about it and share tips, but on the other hand I don't want her to be unhealthy (even though I am). Also...she's my goal weight and I'm super jealous and that also makes me feel guilty.
Just had to vent, mobile no flair

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[Intro] Annnnnnd I'm back
/u/_linstroq [5'7|CW:126|BMI:19|GW:99]
Created: Sun Mar 5 16:52:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xpz0w/annnnnnd_im_back/
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Hello darkness my old friend. Former frequent lurker around these parts checking in once again. Tried to get myself on the road to recovery but that didn't work. Oh well. Maybe this time i'll actually die from it and reach my GW of zero pounds. Kidding. Anyway, just saying it's good to be back (kinda).

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[Rant/Rave] So am I just going to be some kind of chocolate junkie forever?
/u/Elope
Created: Sun Mar 5 16:51:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xpyxb/so_am_i_just_going_to_be_some_kind_of_chocolate/
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Seriously. Why does it have to be like this? I honestly feel like some kind of addict when it comes to this shit. Day we going pretty damn good. I binged yesterday, but hey, last weekend I was on day 2 of hinging by Saturday. Up until a few minutes ago I was about to finish today at a deficit. Fucking nope. Mam, in her benevolence, made this huge brownie thing. I actually didn't even think about it all that much all day. Then suddenly it was just *there*. Dunno about calories from it, all I know is that I'm truly fucked when it comes to chocolate. Like why? Why does it have such a hold over me? I fucking hate it. I'm at my lowest weight since I was about 8. I look fantastic. Why am I so desperate to throw it away?

Sometimes I truly wish I could just be addicted to something simple. Cuz that's what this fucking feels like. It's so embarrassing.

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[Rant/Rave] My bf is the food police
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Sun Mar 5 16:42:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xpx9t/my_bf_is_the_food_police/
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I went to the store today and got normal stuff and got some gummy bears. I love to melt them in the microwave and eat them. He looked at me and said "baby why did you get those?" It was like a look of total disappointment. Idk it pissed me off. I told him not to police what I eat. He's trying to help me,by I have my calorie budget and plan. He doesn't understand that the gummy bears are like my dinner. I'm not just sitting around eating them all day like a huge couch potato.

Anyone else with this issue ?

Mobile no flair

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[Rant/Rave] My tempermental scale said I had lost 30 pounds since this morning
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 204.6 lbs | -70.4lbs | GW: 115 | 26F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 16:36:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xpw1u/my_tempermental_scale_said_i_had_lost_30_pounds/
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Cue panic attack and excitement just seeing the numbers that low... despite knowing my kids had just moved it and messed it up.

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[Rant/Rave] Fucked up, twice.
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Sun Mar 5 15:48:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xpn5d/fucked_up_twice/
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In the grand scheme of things what I did was actually somewhat healthy. I told my partner about my relapse, ate normally last night and binged today (okay that last part is not somewhat healthy).

I feel fucking horrible. Emotionally and physically wrecked. I don't want to be alone and I don't want anyone to see me. I just want to cry and hide and sleep.

Tomorrow is a new day. A new day that marks the start of a 72hr fast and no sugar.

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[Rant/Rave] "You're heavier then you used to be..." Jesus Christ, how noticeable IS three pounds?!
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Sun Mar 5 15:39:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xplbn/youre_heavier_then_you_used_to_be_jesus_christ/
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Yeah, no more messing around. I need to stop living in denial.

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[Thinspo] Thinspo Playlist II
/u/shiver23 [5'5.5 | CW: 134 lbs l UGW: 120><105 lbs l -16 lbs | 25F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 15:37:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xpkzt/thinspo_playlist_ii/
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http://8tracks.com/trying-to-sleep/i-ll-feed-on-your-breath

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[Thinspo] Great Thinspo Playlist <3
/u/shiver23 [5'5.5 | CW: 134 lbs l UGW: 120><105 lbs l -16 lbs | 25F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 15:07:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xpf3t/great_thinspo_playlist_3/
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http://8tracks.com/ravenamandamireles16/anabelle-pt-1

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[Help] NEED to lose 10 lbs in a week, will this strategy work?
/u/couldbefatter [5'2" | 109]
Created: Sun Mar 5 14:25:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xp6ta/need_to_lose_10_lbs_in_a_week_will_this_strategy/
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[removed]

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] MRW I see people gaining weight on r/progresspics
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 5 13:43:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xoyfd/mrw_i_see_people_gaining_weight_on_rprogresspics/
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https://az616578.vo.msecnd.net/files/2016/01/14/635884024614501079-395656207_giphy.gif

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[Other] The Year My Body Shrank- a woman working in the fashion magazine industry starts experiencing sudden unexplained weight loss, losing 20% of her body weight (description in comments)
/u/soberasfuck
Created: Sun Mar 5 13:42:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xoydg/the_year_my_body_shrank_a_woman_working_in_the/
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http://archive.is/ZcU0h

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[Rant/Rave] bmi back in the 15s!
/u/anorexic666 [5'4 | CW: 89.8 | LW: 83 | UGW: 80]
Created: Sun Mar 5 13:36:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xox88/bmi_back_in_the_15s/
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i've dropped a lot of weight back recently now that i'm out of php and despite my parents pretty strict observation. i'm really happy about it! i'm officially 9 pounds from my old low weight and 12 from my ugw. :)

mind my hideous feet: http://imgur.com/a/eQ14a

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[Discussion] Do you think its possible to stay sick forever?
/u/rosewet56
Created: Sun Mar 5 13:20:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xou02/do_you_think_its_possible_to_stay_sick_forever/
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I have an ED. I never plan on getting help for it - like ever. No therapy, no hospitals, etc. I've been underweight, I've had electrolyte imbalances, palpitations, shortness of breath, laxative addiction, and more. Now I'm having binges and purges that can go up to 3,000+ calories and considering restricting again. But I never plan on getting any type of help. I would refuse at the simple mention of it and I have before. It's just not for me and I don't see how other people can go through with it. I plan on accepting it as a permanent disability in my life that I'll keep a secret from now on. I would even hide it from any future SO and family definitely. I've hid it pretty well and nobody but 2 friends have known. Do you think what I'm trying to do is possible, or just a plan that'll fall to shambles?

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[Rant/Rave] What the hell just happened
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: a nice body | -35 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 12:55:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xoovj/what_the_hell_just_happened/
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I'm bloated as heck and on my period and I feel FAT. I've been rotating in and out of potential outfits for about two hours, crying because I look so fat in everything. Jesus christ. I'm panicking, thinking I must've gained weight and stuff and I finally decide to try on this XS grey v-neck I haven't dared touch because it'll be skintight and show off my really gross body.

I was desperate though, and I finally tried it on and.. All of the sudden I'm skinny. Arms skinny, small waist, and my thighs still big but they look proportional. And it's a tight fitting long sleeve.

This is so stupid, tbh. Why do i go through so much pain to find an outfit everyday

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[Other] The Year My Body Shrank- a woman working in the fashion magazine industry starts experiencing sudden unexplained weight loss, losing 20% of her body weight
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 5 12:29:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xoju6/the_year_my_body_shrank_a_woman_working_in_the/
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http://www.elle.com/beauty/health-fitness/advice/a9444/the-year-my-body-shrank-261302/

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[Discussion] What are your daily rules?
/u/Mi__ra [165cm |51 kg | 19 | 7 kg | F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 12:23:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xoiiw/what_are_your_daily_rules/
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We all probably have a lot of rules, but I was just wondering if you have some rules that you *always* follow? Even when you can't eat/exercise/etc. the way you'd want to, stuff that you do or don't do, no matter what? Parents are visiting, you're spending a weekend at your friend's place, situations like that?

For example, I exercise for at least 30 minutes everyday. Most days more, but that 30 minutes is my minimum that I follow when I have a hangover or a flu or am really busy or tired.

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[Other] [Other] Some mornings (a poem)
/u/theobeseana
Created: Sun Mar 5 11:43:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xoamp/other_some_mornings_a_poem/
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Some mornings
I wake up at 5:45
Because I want breakfast

Because my body is foolish, and thinks it can win
This battle of strengths between stomach and mind
Because the night before last night's dinner wasn't enough
So now the walls within me are churning against each other
Complaining so loudly I'm startled from sleep
Because I'm feeling hungry
So I stay in bed.

Some mornings
I wake up at 5:45
Because I need to move

Because my room hasn't been cleaned in a month
When my parents will be here tomorrow
Because I have a test next week and haven't studied enough
So now the voices within me battle against each other
Exclaiming so loudly I'm startled from sleep
Because I'm feeling anxious
So I stay in bed.

Some mornings
I wake up at 5:45
Because I'm depressed

Because I'm feeling empty
So I stay in bed.

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Purging
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 5 11:05:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xo39k/purging/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] Kimiperi. ^*^ Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun Mar 5 10:38:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xny1k/kimiperi_daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/kvyqaqxflmjy.jpg

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[Help] Transitional clothing?
/u/Rustlingjimmies87
Created: Sun Mar 5 08:48:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xndej/transitional_clothing/
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Hi guys. Lately I've been doing awesome and things are really changing, but I would like some input into what everyone does regarding clothing? Not necessarily body hiding tricks, but clothing for when you are rapidly losing weight and need new, but don't want to invest until you have hit your GW.

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[Discussion] DAE like bones and skeletons?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 5 08:15:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xn7ti/dae_like_bones_and_skeletons/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Bought a scale...freaking out.
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:114.2🌸 BMI:20.2🌙 -30.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Sun Mar 5 07:30:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xn0sf/bought_a_scalefreaking_out/
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I've mentioned before that we don't have a working scale in the house because SIL is anorexic. We do have one, but it's a rickety old thing with a needle that sits on 5lbs when nothing's standing on it. So nobody really uses it, including myself. But buying a new one was off-limits, since SIL.

BUT. Fiancé, who has recently joined me in my quest to lose weight, agreed that we could buy a nice fancy new one and just put it in our wing of the house :D. Yay! I don't know exactly which one he got, but apparently it's digital and connects to it's own app + MFP, and also has a body fat % reader and some other fancy modes and stuff. I'm pretty pumped.

Since he's a saint, he also ordered me a variety pack of like 16 different face masks, 2 pairs cute shorts that fit (since my old ones are too big), and cuticle cream. I think he knows I've been feeling pretty ugly lately (broke = all my clothes and makeup are old and/or cheap, nothing I have fits, my face has been breaking out, etc) and he's made this huge effort to raise my self-esteem which is really sweet because he knows just what I like. Yesterday he took me to Sephora so I could use a giftcard I had, and he bought me my favorite lipstick (*Lolita* by Kat Von D) and even got some samples and bought some stuff himself! It was so cute I had to take a picture of our [his & hers Sephora haul.](http://i.imgur.com/VN4bM0e.png)

But I'm freaking out. I think the scale is gonna get here today and I'm so anxious about using it because I *know* I've gained weight. I ate like 1300 calories yesterday and 1200 the day before, and I'm retaining water from that + my period being about to start. I can't not use it, or he'll think I don't like it but I can't use it and freak out or he'll worry, but if I use it and have to update my flair to like 127 I'm gonna fucking die. I will just die.

All of this comes from me being a dumbass and trying to skip breakfast and lunch and then eat a tiny dinner. That never works, and by dinner I'm ready to eat an entire farm, which I then do. And then the next day, I feel guilty. So I don't eat breakfast or lunch, and then I do it again. Rinse and repeat until fat(ter).

So today, despite the fact that my brain is like, "HEY. Burn 300 calories on the elliptical and then eat nothing until after you've weighed yourself!" I'm not going to do that. I'm going to eat my small breakfast and small lunch, and work out, and hope for the best. Yes, the scale will show it. But tomorrow there won't be a binge showing on it.

*Uuuuuughhhhhh* pray for me, y'all.

EDIT: And I'm also gonna stop tracking my exercise in MFP. I'll track it on my tumblr, but when I add it to MFP it just subtracts those calories from what I've eaten and I end up feeling like I can eat more and it just never ends well. Wish I could turn the "subtract exercise calories from total" setting off =/

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[Rant/Rave] |Rant| How the fuck did I gain
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |131.4| WL: 88.6 |GW: 110|19A]
Created: Sun Mar 5 06:09:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xmpm2/rant_how_the_fuck_did_i_gain/
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ahahaha, hello again. Guess who stopped posting but never really left?


I've had a bad few days with my depression but I was really set on the fact that I was still ending the week with an average of 900. /I've been gradually tryin to become okay with a 'slow burn' or 1000 per week but fuck that now obviously/ I even made a food log on Instagram to hold myself accountable. *cough anonfooddiary coughcough*

I weighed myself after a huge BM yesterday/who hasn't/ and it had said that I had gained three pounds! So I hop off and try to salvage what's left of my mood, blaming a sodium bloat from the day before, blaming anything I can think of to keep myself calm. This morning I wake up early after a slightly more restrictive day and lo and behold, I notice my scale wobbling a bit as I step on. My bathroom floor is un.fucking.even. I rush out of the bathroom in my underwear, scale in hand, straight into my mom who, of course, woke up early to use the bathroom today of all days. I put the scale on my bedroom floor and make sure all of the corners touch the ground by obsessively poking it. Underwear off, step on....calibrating.......

139.8

Four ounces higher than I what I was last week. How long have I been fatter than I thought? I don't want to let this affect me but ugh! It won't leave my head. I feel like a complete failure. It's only four ounces but it was everything to me this week; I really needed to see a loss to prove that I can still lose weight right at least. But no! Nope. Nada. Negatory. Goose eggs. Nothin.

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Mar 5 05:08:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xmipi/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
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Happy Sunday March 05, 2017~

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 05, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Mar 5 05:08:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xmip4/daily_food_diary_march_05_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for March 05, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[discussion] binging every time I hit a new low weight.
/u/strugglecity1
Created: Sun Mar 5 03:27:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xm8ur/discussion_binging_every_time_i_hit_a_new_low/
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Recently I've been sucked into a binge/restrict cycle. Every time I hit a new low weight, I binge like mad and then work for a week to lose what I gained. On the whole, I'm losing much more slowly than I would like (side note, getting married in 8 months). Does anyone else do this self sabotage? How do you get out of this cycle? I'm getting married in 8 months and want / need to hit my gw.

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I might have a parasite and I'm so mad
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 139.8 | 21.03 | -10.2 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 5 02:18:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xm24r/i_might_have_a_parasite_and_im_so_mad/
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So TMI to the fuckin max pals

So long story short my poops haven't been looking normal in a while but I never really paid attention to it because I thought it was weird restriction/ed poops??? Anyways last night was particularity abnormal and I think I have a parasite (this isn't just me freaking out, I talked to my pharmacist who gave me OTC meds to help) and like I'm grossed out but mainly IM SO DAMN MAD ITS NOT THE TYPE OF PARASITE THAT MAKES YOU LOSE WEIGHT!!!! LIKE COME THE FUCK ON I HAVE TO DEAL WITH NASTIES INSIDE OF ME WITHOUT THE ONE SIDE EFFECT I WOULD ACTUALLY WANT

AHHH

edit: formatting

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MALE - Was 240 lb, then Lost ~80 lbs healthily. At 160 I still felt fat and Lost 33 more lbs un healthily.
/u/CharChar12 [5' 9.5 |160lbs|23.5| Male]
Created: Sun Mar 5 01:24:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xlx3d/male_was_240_lb_then_lost_80_lbs_healthily_at_160/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Anybody else recently gain 5-10 pounds?
/u/charredsouls
Created: Sun Mar 5 00:11:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xlpro/anybody_else_recently_gain_510_pounds/
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[removed]

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The worst purging pain I've ever felt
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 23:33:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xllgb/the_worst_purging_pain_ive_ever_felt/
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I'm a chronic b/p'er.
I've been puking every day for a solid three years now.

Today while I was puking, a sudden pain shot through my back to my chest. Holy smokes it hurt so bad, like none other and it's been continuing all day. Eating/drinking is almost sore. It's like there's a huge metal spear through my back to my abs, and any movement strikes pain. It almost makes me want to stop.

Anyways, I'm in the bath now. Wonder how I'll feel tomorrow!

EDIT: I woke up this morning and the pain is much, much better. It's still sore, though.
I'm not sure why I posted this in the first place, but thanks to all those who cared. If it continues to hurt tomorrow or gets worse today I'll go to the ER<3

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Sabotage.
/u/strawberrykittykat
Created: Sat Mar 4 23:19:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xljul/sabotage/
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[removed]

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Okay, but can we talk about bell peppers?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 22:10:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xlaxo/okay_but_can_we_talk_about_bell_peppers/
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They're like fucking crack. They're so sweet and filling and they're just so good. I feel like it's a waste putting hummus on them, because they're just so pure in their own.

And - 40 cals per 100g. And it's not like that's a very small amount of bell pepper!

Dad went to the local store and got these massive bell peppers. I've been planning to munch on one for my lunch today. They're like 400g :')

What's your favorite vegetable?

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] I'm waiting at a hotdog stand for my food.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 4 21:55:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xl8vv/rant_im_waiting_at_a_hotdog_stand_for_my_food/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE feel their depression improve when restricting?
/u/edgecomplex [GW: Bony shoulders | 17F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 21:52:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xl8k7/dae_feel_their_depression_improve_when_restricting/
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I imagine it goes both ways, but for me personally, I'll notice my mood improve drastically when I restrict, especially when I take a heavy calorie cut during a depressive episode. It's gotten to where I'll tell myself I can't eat or my depression will return, like restriction is a medicine I must take.

My guess would be either my brain is too preoccupied with food to recognize a mood disorder, or it's an extended high from seeing the number on the scale drop. Either way, I've began associating hunger with feeling better.

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I need some advice. How do you not eat? Or stick to some diet. I always do well at first but then binge. Then comes the purge. I don't want to purge. I want to stick to the diet and not wreck my teeth. Suggestions?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 4 21:22:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xl497/i_need_some_advice_how_do_you_not_eat_or_stick_to/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Transferring drug addictions into eating disorders
/u/soberasfuck
Created: Sat Mar 4 20:57:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xl0ph/transferring_drug_addictions_into_eating_disorders/
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Has anyone else gone from having a drug addiction to having an eating disorder?

My first addiction was always food. I was an overweight kid who sought comfort in eating. But as I went into high school, my fascination with drugs developed, and it seems like my primary motivation for using drugs has always been to lose weight. In my junior year of high school I started smoking meth to lose weight. My meth use never turned into an addiction and I was able to stop after a few months of weekend use.

My freshman year of college I began using heroin. I still remember thinking, "heroin makes me feel queasy. If I feel queasy, I won't eat and will lose weight." It worked- kind of- but of course, a heroin addiction is a much different and sometimes more difficult problem to deal with than an ED.

After about three years of use I got clean. But now I've found myself cycling back to my eating disorder as a replacement self-destructive behavior that I can more easily engage in.

Has anyone else found drug use tying into their ED? Does anyone else use drugs to lose weight? Is anyone else in active addiction or recovery?

I wish I could stop doing this to myself. I've lost so much to my heroin addiction but I have have myself being drawn back to it recently.

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Dating someone who is overweight
/u/CuppyCakesLovey [5'5 | CW:97 | BMI:16.14 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 19:02:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xkjjo/dating_someone_who_is_overweight/
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Have only gone out with this sweet guy a couple of times and both have been him taking me out to eat. I really hate going to restaurants because they have really big portions but I put my big girl pants on and went along with it anyway. The conversation was great and really felt good about it. That is of course until after the second time in a restaurant my weight got brought up after I had to once again get a togo box.
I was told that I need some meat and potatos and he was going to start taking me more places to eat because I needed to gain more weight.
This sorta annoys me a bit, though i know thats peoples way of showing they care. Also since i asked if my weight was a problem and he said no i love your body how it is so tiny. I have no problem with his weight at all and do not bring it up. He seems to be obssesed with eating fast food and all big portions which is totally the opposite of me.
Besides this issue everything else i great so far. He is very nice and sweet and seems to want this to become something long term. I am just anxious about the fact that maybe him dating someone much lighter than him might lead towards issues later on for either one of us.
How/have any of you dealt with this before?

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[Rant/Rave] A rant about several things
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 18:19:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xkctv/a_rant_about_several_things/
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I'm in the ranting mood and I keep thinking about things but I don't want to make separate posts so imma ramble.

So firstly, today I went shopping with my friend and I was wearing this long sleeved sweater with tight sleeves. He was like "wow is that really what your wrists look like?" I asked him what he meant and he said they looked so small. I do have naturally small wrists, and the tight sleeve wasn't stretched at all so it made my wrists look even smaller. I love it when people notice things like that!!

Anyway, next point! I've lost over thirty pounds (and counting) and my clothes aren't fitting right. This is a blessing and a curse. I'm a college kid with no money so I kind of have to deal with it but I'm still really happy. Like my workout shorts are getting too big. I went for a run a few days ago and had to hold them up the whole time, which sucked but I was secretly pleased.

And finally, a not-so-happy thing. I can't stop thinking about my insecurities and comparing myself to other girls. Two of my boyfriend's best friends are girls and they're both skinny and pretty. I wish I didn't care, but I do. But I can't stop thinking about something my boyfriend said once. We were talking about things that make us jealous in a relationship and he asked me if I was jealous of his friend. I said no, why would I be?? And his answer was "well she IS very pretty." ?????? Why would you say that to me?? I wasn't jealous until you said that! What???
So yeah, that was a while ago but it still gives me motivation. I kind of hate that about myself though, cause competing with other girls isn't really what I want to be doing.

Okay, rant over. Thanks for reading (if you got this far)

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[Rant/Rave] Being fat is a choice and knowing that makes me feel free.
/u/Someone_Who_Isnt_You
Created: Sat Mar 4 16:55:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xjyyd/being_fat_is_a_choice_and_knowing_that_makes_me/
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Being fat is a choice. I know that statement is probably the most circlejerking phrase I can say here, but I didn’t really understand the depth of this fact until I read an article about how Japanese society views fatness. Japanese people tend to see being fat as a choice like a girl wearing pink hair or a person who only dresses in black, so they have no problem asking someone, “Why are you so fat?” After I read that sentence, I felt like something clicked in my head. I’ve always knew that being fat was a choice, but there’s a difference between knowing a fact and acknowledging one.

I’ve finally realized and acknowedge the magnitude of this choice. If I gain weight, if I lose weight, the choice belongs to me and no one else. The fatness acceptance movement is very deterministic and fatalistic once you think about it. Fat people are doomed to be fat and they cannot do anything about it because of genetics. They should keep eating themselves until they’re sick with diabetes and high blood pressure and die an unhappy death. They shouldn’t start walking or doing gentle exercising, because what’s the use? You’re going to go back to your set weight anyway, so why try? How sad. How sad that people think that their lives are so predetermined that they refuse to strive to live a happy and healthy life.

Choices are all about freedom. I have the freedom to refuse fried foods and sweets. I have the freedom to lose weight and wear clothes that I’ve always wanted to wear, but was too scared to put the fork down. I have the freedom to sculpt my body any way I see fit. I have the freedom to look very muscular, skinny and lean, or very thin. I have the freedom to stop hating myself. I have the freedom to make my life right.

Choices require responsibility. As a fully functioning adult, I am responsible for the choices I make and didn’t make.
I'm going to make a decision guys. I choose skinny over fatness. I choose restriction over stuffing food in my face. I choose freedom over slavery to food. For the first time in a long time, I finally feel free.

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[Rant/Rave] This is why I can't trust food.
/u/-kaneki-ken- [5'7" | mooing loudly | 19.51 | 23F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 16:47:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xjxnd/this_is_why_i_cant_trust_food/
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Last night I came home from a hot yoga class (obv. super dehydrated) and saw a happy number on the scale. I let myself get too excited about it and thought I'd treat myself by eating at maintenance (~1800 cals)! Woo, right? I even had peanut butter with honey!

I woke up and had gained 4 pounds.

This is why I can't maintain..! It seems like there's either weight loss or weight gain, no in between. It's been 14 days since my last binge and I've only lost 3 pounds in that time. It's just so fucking frustrating. I feel like I'm destined to keep losing and regaining these last 10 pounds forever. I just want my BMI to be permanently and safely under 20.. :(

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[Discussion] Back from a 3 week vacation
/u/StrongHandsShakeHard
Created: Sat Mar 4 14:52:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xjdp0/back_from_a_3_week_vacation/
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There was no scale there at my hosts home. And there was plenty of delicious food. I ate too much. And I get home and... I lost 10 pounds? What? Not that I'm complaining. Anyone else ever lose weight after a food filled vacation like that?

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[Discussion] What's your earliest memory of your ED?
/u/igby23
Created: Sat Mar 4 13:49:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xj2fp/whats_your_earliest_memory_of_your_ed/
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I'm just curious to see if anyone else has very early memories of unhealthy eating and body image and can pinpoint a few key moments where things moved outside of the realm of 'normal'. I'll go first: I remember the first time I binged in secret. I stole several king sized candy bars from the grocery store check out line as my parents were buying our dinner. I knew I shouldn't have had even one of them and was too ashamed to ask, but I actually took five of them. When we got home I ate them all in the bathroom in a minute, and then proceeded to eat dinner and extra helpings of dessert with my family afterwards. I think I was in seventh grade.

Edit: Thank you all so much for sharing these with me!

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[Tip] 30 calorie cappuccino
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 4 13:47:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xj1yr/30_calorie_cappuccino/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm a piece of shit ??? [rant]
/u/syntheticseasalt
Created: Sat Mar 4 13:42:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xj15k/im_a_piece_of_shit_rant/
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I was doing okay with losing, and then my weight shot up very quickly because of binges, around 4lbs. People were commenting on my thinness. Now, i feel like a piece of lard and a complete fake. I feel like now everyone knows i can be thin, but i ruined it by getting fat.

This morning, i woke up and binged hardcore. Literally 1,800 calories. This is the most i've ever binged on, i'm pretty sure. I feel like i'm a complete failure and i've ruined everything. I don't know how to come out of this, it feels like the only thing that would motivate me would be suddenly losing five pounds.

I know that i sound like a baby and i'm so sorry. I just need to put this out there.

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[Rant/Rave] Trying to decide whether to eat everything or nothing
/u/french__toasted [5'9" | CW:too much | GW: 115 | -13 | F21]
Created: Sat Mar 4 13:37:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xj05l/trying_to_decide_whether_to_eat_everything_or/
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My behaviors are kind of spiraling out of control right now and I passive aggressively lashed out towards some of my close friends earlier today. This was such an uncharacteristic thing for me to do and the guilt is fucking wrecking me. Part of my brain says to stuff my face with food because I don't deserve to be thin and the other part of my brain tells me I don't deserve to eat and get pleasure from food. I know if I binge I'm going to end up purging which will probably make me feel the shittiest so that's not the route I want to go to but there is still a part of me that just wants to eat and eat and eat.

I just sent an apology to my friends and I'm waiting for a response and the wait is causing so much anxiety. I feel like my friends are never going to forgive me and will always have this kind of negative view of my character from now on. I try so hard to be a kind and caring person and I just fucked it up. I have tests to study for and instead I'm just sitting in the library trying to figure out the best way to punish myself using food.

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Painful swallowing?
/u/theobeseana
Created: Sat Mar 4 13:35:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xizuq/painful_swallowing/
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Has anyone else had issues with seriously painful swallowing? Like far down in my esophagus, and after it feels like the bite already went down it starts to seriously burn. I've been purging quite a bit lately I'll admit, and I had a serious binge last night with an unsuccessful purge and then it started. Am I ok? Breakfast with my boyfriend was unbearable this morning.

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[Discussion] Do y'all feel different sizes in different settings?
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | 104 | 19.0 | Ugw: 85 |19f]
Created: Sat Mar 4 12:12:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xijkb/do_yall_feel_different_sizes_in_different_settings/
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Idk if this is weird or not, but I feel different sizes depending on where I am. For example, even at my lowest weight, when I'm home and with my family I always feel HUGE. Like anything I eat I Can feel it in my body and absorbing the calories already. At work though, I feel smaller than usual, probably bc of the comments I get from coworkers and bc everyone is taller/bigger than me? But when I'm at work I realize I can tie the apron strings 2 times around my waist, and my hip bones always seem to pop out more than usual.
Does anyone else feel like this? It's fucking weird but pleasant in a way.

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Has anyone tried only eating the amount of calories they plan to burn with exercise?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 11:55:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xigcl/has_anyone_tried_only_eating_the_amount_of/
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Right now I'm averaging 800 cal a day and a 300 cal workout. I always have one bad binge day on the weekends out drinking that takes away from my deficit. I am going to try to stop drinking so much but also would love to try and get to a 400/500 cal in and then workout that much off (roughly an hour to two hours walking). Has anyone else experienced this?

I'm wondering about being too tired or hungry to function throughout the day though. My schedule with school has me needing to be mentally functioning 8am until 10pm, which is when I go to the gym until midnight.

On mobile can't flair.

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[Discussion] Does anyone else have a clothing item that unintentionally their ED?
/u/thebassistooloud
Created: Sat Mar 4 11:25:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xiag9/does_anyone_else_have_a_clothing_item_that/
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Mine is[ this ](http://imgur.com/a/Qbs9p)dress that my mother gave me from her (very brief) ~70s modeling days when she was thin. Even at my lowest weight since I got the dress (139lbs) I still looked like a sausage in it but it was super motivating until I moved out and gained like 30lbs :(

Luckily I found the dress and i'm hoping to be able to get into it by my birthday!


Anybody else have something like this?

Edit: unintentionally fuelled* their ED. I accidentally a word in the title :(

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[Discussion] "Mini-Binges"? [Discussion]
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Sat Mar 4 11:24:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xiafi/minibinges_discussion/
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Does anyone else attempt to go for 600 or 800 calories, only to binge on low calorie things and end up eating about 1200/1400 total? I do this and I don't end up at my TDEE ever but I do go way higher than I want, and end up eating like a "normal person". Yeah I'm losing still technically but..... doesn't feel like it mentally. I have no self control. I wish I had a car so I could just force myself to go somewhere with no money so I can't buy anything and just spend my whole day there instead of at home, 10 ft from food.

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[Rant/Rave] Starting to feel scared
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Sat Mar 4 11:03:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xi631/starting_to_feel_scared/
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So Im pretty sure that most ppl can't relate to this, but I need to vent a little. I consume 450 calories a day, and they're mostly all healthy foods. I do not know why but I gained weight this morning and my muffin top is getting worse. Like I'm 5'2 126 lbs so it's not like I'm super skinny or anything either. The most insecure part of my body is my stomach and it is literally starting to look crazy. I don't know if it's bc my metabolism is slowing down and the fat is getting stored in my abdominal area or something... I don't want to restrict any more because I'm afraid that I'll end up binging, but I I'm also scared to eat more. I'm just hoping that this will pass and I'll lose weight again.

I remember a time when I felt really Helpless as I feel now, which caused me to push my body to the edge aka doing things very detrimental to my health. I feel like I'm slowly going there again.

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The cafeteria sucks
/u/TummyRumblz [5'8" | CW:152| LW: 146 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 10:34:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xi0jr/the_cafeteria_sucks/
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Preface: I'm on mobile and can't flair. I'm also bad at story telling.


I try to plan my meals ahead by looking at the cafeteria's menu online. I had everything planned out and went to the caf when it opened. When I got there they had completely different foods out with out the calorie count above them. Instead of waffles and actual breakfast foods they had beef hot dogs, chili, cheese sauce, and sweet potato fries. I was totally bummed out and went to get Honey Nut Cheerios instead except they weren't actually Honey Nut Cheerios, they were fuckin dulce de leche (Caramel) cheerios. They're about the same calorie-wise I think but I HATE caramel flavored things, the dispenser even said Honey Nut Cheerios! So I was bummed out again and ended up getting a salad :(

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[Discussion] DAE hate having boobs?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 10:08:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xhveg/dae_hate_having_boobs/
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I hate boobs. They look incredibly gross on me. I feel like I'm supposed to be flatchested. That's one of the reasons I'm so terrified of gaining weight. I know it's gonna go right to my boobs + hips. I don't even need to wear a bra at this point and they don't even bounce, but I still think they're WAY too big.

I just want a boyish body, I guess.

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[Thinspo] This is literally my body goals
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Sat Mar 4 10:00:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xhu01/this_is_literally_my_body_goals/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/e0260978da984e88b3b58a5dfd608392?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=e9c2f55eeb4d8458f9c4b366cdb13eac

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[Discussion] Not "suffering" from your ED?
/u/mind_bodygames [5'4" | 119.8 | 20.97 | -21 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 09:45:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xhr5q/not_suffering_from_your_ed/
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So I was first diagnosed with anorexia when I was 15 because I was hospitalized due to heart complications of being underweight. In the weeks leading up to that though, I wasn't really suffering at all. I was just numb and content. It wasn't until later when I was weight restored, trying desperately to lose weight, and being interfered with that I was miserable.

This summer I relapsed after almost 4 years of actual healthy recovery. These last few weeks, I feel like I did back when I was 15. I'm not suffering anymore. I'm not tortured by thoughts, I'm not counting calories, I'm not playing the numbers games. I just restrict constantly.

And I like myself better. Like, a lot better. I'm quieter, more calculated in my actions. Trying to take the focus of myself makes me more concerned about others and their lives, more generous. I enjoy spending my down time alone, doing things that are worth while rather than just desperate distractions from the ED thoughts. I'm not anxious or sad or anything really. Just numb and content.

Does anyone else feel this way too?

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[Discussion] Calorie list for individual units?
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW104 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 08:32:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xhe9x/calorie_list_for_individual_units/
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I've started doing this thing where I'll eat like 2 almonds or 7 raisins and I can't quite figure out what an individual unit of these is in calories. Does anyone know of a site where this is all listed? I don't have a food scale so I can't just weigh them and divide the ounces to figure it out. Thanks!

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[Goal] Goals for summer?!
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Sat Mar 4 07:18:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xh2o4/goals_for_summer/
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On mobile - please flair goals (lol)

I know it's early, but I would love to hear what your goals are for the summer!! I find them very inspiring and motivating. Any specific dates or reasons?

Mine are to (by June 20 - for no reason)
-Lose 35 pounds

-Be going to the gym 3x weekly (fuck you anxiety)

-Run at least three 5ks a week.

What are yours? :)

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[Help] What is your favourite non-vanity sized clothing store?
/u/Popcornlightandzero [5'9 | 123 lbs | 18.2 | - 33 lbs | F | GW: 100 LBS]
Created: Sat Mar 4 06:37:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgx3t/what_is_your_favourite_nonvanity_sized_clothing/
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Hello, I'm new here.

I decided to ask this question because I don't really know of stores that aren't vanity sized and I need to buy clothes.
Can you help me with that, please? Thanks.

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[Intro] How it all started..
/u/veetrayal [5'6 | sw: 250 | cw: 197 😭 | gw: 140 | 25 f]
Created: Sat Mar 4 05:39:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgpwh/how_it_all_started/
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Long time lurker. Everyone here seems so nice 😭 I figured I would finally introduce myself.

I was along time binger. Ive never been "small". Right after high school I got comfortable while dating a guy, combined with it being an abusive relationship, I went from 180s to 210. But "he loved me" so I was okay with it. A few years into the relationship after multiple break ups and getting back together he labeled me as crazy. Convinced me to see a psych. One of the meds I was put on was to help me sleep: seroquel. I gained 40lbs in two months. A few years later, we broke up. I was devastated and left in a body I absolutely hated. I got fired from my job. All I did was eat. I had no friends or family left in my corner.

I started a new job, met my now best friend, and that's when the downward spiral for my eating habits started. About a year into our friendship we watched some documentary on Netflix where a guy juiced for months and lost hella weight. We were hella inspired lmao. So we went out bought juicers, had a last China buffet binge and I juiced for 21 days after. I lost 20lbs. Only drinking juice.

We stopped after those 21 days, because she hadn't lost any weight, but later confessed she had been sneaking food the whole time 🙄 One of our coworkers had been really successful losing a bunch of weight, we asked what she was doing. Phentermine.

We made a two hour car trip out to Kentucky, to a rinky dink "doctor office" (it was easier to get phentermine there than our home state), got a three month supply. And. I. Was. Hooked. I lost another 50ish pounds in those three months. Bringing me down to 174. My lowest weight since probably middle school.

After the meds I was weighing myself everyday. Multiple times a day. Skipping meals. Compulsively reading labels. Keeping my cals under 800. Then would binge. I would fluctuate between 176-185 just from the binge and restrict cycle. My friend and I were so obsessed with maintaining our new weights we even purged together a few times.

I never thought I had a problem.

Fast forward two years, I moved states, became nothing but a ball of stress and anxiety and have managed to get myself back to 206. After swearing I'd never see 200 again.

Getting phentermine is so easy in this state. My insurance even covered the doctors appointment. I just picked up my script yesterday. I forgot how good it feels. To not worry about food. To not crave anything. To be so fucking bored I don't even want to eat. Yesterday I ate 430 calories all together. I felt so accomplished. So proud.

Phentermine is my crutch. I love how easily I can restrict on it. I hate what I've become as a person with it. I hate who I am without it. I hate how easily I can get it here. How cheap it is. I hate how of the nurse practitioner knew how much all of this was a problem for me, she wouldn't prescribe it to me. This really did open the door to disorderd eating for me. It's a love hate relationship I never want to be without though.

Anyway. Sorry this is long. I just really needed to share today. This is day two of taking it, and I really just was stuck in my thoughts this morning. Here's to never ever seeing the 200s again.

Tl;Dr phentermine started me down the path of unhealthy eating habits that I now feel I would be lost without.

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[Other] EDs & sleepwalking
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 05:32:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgp6m/eds_sleepwalking/
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According to my dude, I came into our room last night after passing out in our living room, stripped my clothes off, and went fumbling into the kitchen. I asked him to help me make food (he told me he knew better than to that thankfully) and proceeded to pass out again. I'm hoping I didn't eat. I inspected the garbage and my bed and have no evidence of sleep snacking which is fucking awesome. But I may never know lol. For some reason sleep walking always turns me into a foodie nudist.

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[Discussion] DAE accidentally hint towards their ED?
/u/skinny-waifu [5'2|HW 150 |CW 121|LW 113|F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 05:31:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgp2y/dae_accidentally_hint_towards_their_ed/
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I decided to show my brother the Blind Girl - Binge prequel because Drake Bell's in it (and it's a pretty amazing piece of work too) but I haven't eaten in 'awhile'. While Ang was taking down all these post it notes that said "Don't eat", "no carbs" ect my stomach was grumbling. Earlier during breakfast I kept mentioning how I was going to make some oatmeal but never did it, just kinda opened the packaging a few times, looked at the milk, the measuring cups, looked in the freezer, counted the calories of everything in my head and then made some green tea. Every alludes to my ED. I'm just worried that I'm letting my secret slip and wondering does anybody else do this sorta thing? Or maybe it's only obvious to me?

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Mar 4 05:09:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgmhu/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/l5a35ukttdjy.jpg

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! March 04, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Mar 4 05:07:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgmcg/stupid_questions_saturday_march_04_2017/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for March 04, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 04, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Mar 4 05:07:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgmbl/daily_food_diary_march_04_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 04, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] ugh. Waiting to binge is the worst
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 139.1 | 22.54 | -9.1 | 21F]
Created: Sat Mar 4 04:40:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgjgp/rant_ugh_waiting_to_binge_is_the_worst/
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Title pretty much. SO and his mother are leaving to a city 30 minutes away so they should have left by now. They will be late. I was gonna finish off the peanut butter and altogether too much oatmeal, then go to my favorite diner and get chocolate chip pancakes and finish up with ice cream. BUT THEY ARE STILL HERE AND IM REALLY.....angry??? I'm actually feeling furious and it's so stupid and I'm frustrated in general and I just needed to rant. I'm terrible at this not eating thing

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[Rant/Rave] *Jeans didn't fit
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 4 04:07:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgg2m/jeans_didnt_fit/
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All i have been trying to do for the last 6 months is lose weight and yet I am gaining... my jeans didn't fit this morning. Like nope nope nope wouldn't even go over my leg. FUCK. they fit like a week ago... then i have a panic attack and now im just sitting here crying.

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[Rant/Rave] "You're breathing hard. Oh! You're wheezing... have you taken up smoking again? Is that why you're not running so well? You should give up!"
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Sat Mar 4 03:27:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xgc7h/youre_breathing_hard_oh_youre_wheezing_have_you/
---
Yep. Someone, who I thought was a non-judgemental friend said this to me at parkrun 5k. What went through my mind:

* *"Who the fuck are you talking shit"*

* I never GAVE UP smoking! When I was better at running, I was still smoking! She just assumed I had given up when I was running pretty well last year.

* *"I'm not running so well because I gained a bunch of weight pretty much binging which made me lethargic, now I am restricting again because I fucking hate myself and out of practice running fasted, and life is awful so please keep your nose out"*

* I'm wheezing because I've had a rotten cold and my lungs are still affected (probably cus they're weak from smoking though lol)

* *"Oh! You're fat... have you taken up stuffing your face with junk again?"* (As if she actually gave up either.. even after binging for months, I'm still lighter than her by quite a bit. I don't often have negative fat-shamey thoughts about others let alone friends, but she REALLY fucked me off. Fat people who bitch about the health consequences of smoking piss me off in general)

Man. I know this isn't strictly ED rant (besides the fact that its actually ED behaviours that are affecting my running atm) but I just wish people in general would keep their goddamn noses out of my health and what they notice about my health, being all judgey and shit. As if I don't know smoking is bad for me. Thing is, right now, I hardly care about that. Maybe I will when I get lung cancer, but right now smoking helps me not eat and I'd rather not eat than avoid lung cancer. Just the way shit is for me.

Still finished almost 3 minutes before she did though. She tried to keep up with me most of the first lap.. probably thought she could because I was 'breathing hard and wheezing', but even at my slow pace it was too fast for her, wore her out, and she had to walk half the second lap. LOL AT YOU JUDGEYFACE.

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[Rant/Rave] Merely a deterrent,
/u/enfinseul [5'6 | 112.6 | 18.25 | gw👻 | f]
Created: Sat Mar 4 01:41:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xg20m/merely_a_deterrent/
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but there is a cake in my home and although I do not often like sweets for sone reason tonight I am upsettingly preoccupied by it. I have been pacing my kitchen island in anxiety for ten minutes, and I am in hopes that holding myself accountable in some form will make it such that I don't eat some. :s

What is it you all do to distract from food? Ordinarily I will take a shower but I would like to tidy up the kitchen and not come back to it again.

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[Rant/Rave] On the plus side, I look fabulous.
/u/MeccaToast
Created: Sat Mar 4 01:00:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xfxpu/on_the_plus_side_i_look_fabulous/
---
An odd rant here, I guess its a rant. I'm not sure of a lot of things lately.

Over the past month I've been dealing with a spinal injury. I haven't been able to walk well and I'm in a lot of pain. Apparently it might be a degenerative nerve disorder that will eventually take my independence and kill me. I have an MRI scheduled tomorrow and we'll know shortly afterwards.

On the plus side though, my depression has brought about a glorious fasting phase and I've lost 3lbs over the last week. I'm looking pretty great and my ribs are becoming more apparent. The only drawback is mealtimes around other people. My husband eats when he's stressed and depressed so he ordered 3 pizzas and I was expected to have some. If I can get that sorted out I'll look gorgeous in my wheelchair. If you've made it this far thanks for coming with me on this strange, mopey rant of mine. Fingers crossed for the best news tomorrow.

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[Discussion] Panicking about my weight at the end of the day (prob stupid question) [Discussion]
/u/ultravi0lent [5' | CW: 183 lbs | SW: 211 | obese mess | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 23:45:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xfpar/panicking_about_my_weight_at_the_end_of_the_day/
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So I tend to weight myself quite often (bad habit, I know...) and when my weight is 2+ lbs higher than it was at the morning, I always feel like I'll gain or only maintain... Please reassure me - it doesn't matter at all, right? "Heavier" food (I don't know how to explain it lol!) doesn't mean I won't lose... right? 😰

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] friend found my previous alt
/u/waitupana [147cm | idk i have no scale 😢 | 14Male]
Created: Fri Mar 3 22:54:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xfizl/rant_friend_found_my_previous_alt/
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so um

my friend found my previous alt, luckily i could delete before they looked too far, and they doubted it was me ("you could never have an eating disorder") but they thought it was funny that another person never eats outside of dinner. im thinking they were just saying that to calm me though because i had listed some things that would make it pretty obvi that it was me (how many dont eat dinner that are the same age, sex,and height as me? surely not that many).

might be overthinking though

so yeah

anyone have any tips on stopping people from finding the account you use to post here? they found it because I was logged in while showing them a thing and they noticed the username was different from my usual.

previous acc name was `w``e``i``g``h``t``t``h``r``o``w``a``w``a``y``9``9``4` (sorry for the seperated letters, trying to make it harder for google to index it as a whole word

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[Rant/Rave] RAVE: Met an exercise goal!
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW104 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 22:38:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xfguu/rave_met_an_exercise_goal/
---
Sorry if formatting is weird or the text is rambling but please bear with me because no one else will understand my excitement.

Context: I love walking. It's pretty much a hobby for me. I walk minimum 10 miles a day (unless I'm very sick or have a ridiculous amount of work). To me, the walking I do qualifies as exercise. (I also lift weights 3x a week and do cardio and yoga 3x a week, Sunday is a rest day).

Anyhow I'm always pushing myself to walk farther and farther. Before today the most I had walked was 16.5 miles in one day. So today at 8:30 pm I looked at my step counter and saw I was at 8.5 miles. And then I thought "hey, it's pretty early and you are done with work, go beat your record." The goal was to reach 17 miles (I like to set my goals in .5 increments, so 16.6 was not an option).

Well guess what!? Ya Girl walked/ran 20 miles today! (Technically 3/3 as I am typing this at 12:30 am). I've always wanted to walk a ridiculous amount and now I can finally cross that off my bucket list. In total I walked 14 miles and ran 6 miles. The first 8.5 miles were done in random increments. But the next 11.5 were done all at once. I alternated walking with running for 3 hours straight! I've got blisters on my toes and holes in my shoes but I am so fucking psyched.

And the best part: When I was running I felt un-tethered, like I was completely weightless and not even touching the ground. The feeling was absolutely amazing (full disclosure I did do an EC stack today and took 3 grams of gabapentin, so this definitely contributed to my energized yet simultaneously floaty and light state). Also, I only had 700 cals today so I think I can safely say I ate at a deficit.

Anyway, thanks for reading this through! If I told my friends they would just freak out and tell me I need to get my life under control. Now I'm going to go take some aspirin (in preparation for the soreness tomorrow), grab a La Croix and a protein bar (these cals will go towards 3/4 not 3/3 because I count my calories from midnight to midnight, not based on when I sleep) and soak my abused feet in some epsom salts.

I hope you are all having a wonderful chill night (or morning or whatever it is where you are) and that you too achieve your goals!

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[Rant/Rave] Been in BED mode since Oct
/u/StrongHandsShakeHard
Created: Fri Mar 3 22:15:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xfdrc/been_in_bed_mode_since_oct/
---
But I've been restricting all week. I'm so excited. I haven't been able to do this in so long. I feel like I'm regaining control. Like today all I had was a tortilla and a cranberry redbull (my favorite splurge treat when I'm restricting). 300 cal and I feel great. I'm so happy to be back.

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[Rant/Rave] [Rave] Didn't binge!
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW:190lb | CW:150.1lb | GW:90lb | 27.5/28.4 | -39.9lb]
Created: Fri Mar 3 21:02:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xf388/rave_didnt_binge/
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My family got a Boston Creme Pie and some pizza today. I really wanted some but I'm trying to restrict and not binge and I would have if I had any. So instead I made a salad, and for dessert I had a Boston Creme yoghurt (90kcal) and added a tbsp of chocolate chips (80kcal). Just as good and not nearly as many calories!

It's a small thing but I'm proud

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[Rant/Rave] Now I don't even need motivation
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 3 21:02:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xf35f/now_i_dont_even_need_motivation/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] That weird moment when you realize Angelica from Rugrats had binge eating disorder..
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 3 18:25:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xeegg/that_weird_moment_when_you_realize_angelica_from/
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https://youtu.be/nWy3_haeCXI

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[Rant/Rave] Got triggered by my fiance.
/u/sleepyrats [182cm | 69.8kg | 20.31 | -7.9kg | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 17:19:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xe3a4/got_triggered_by_my_fiance/
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What a load of shit. I'm so annoyed. The day before yesterday I dropped to 73.0 kg because I ate 500 calories and walked a ton, and excitedly told my fiance. Then yesterday I ate 900 calories because I've been having a lot of work stress, but I think 900 isn't exactly unreasonable, especially when I plan to exercise more this weekend by going hiking. Anyway, I gained back to 73.4kg overnight but I'm sure it's just from eating a lot of salt from a packet of flavoured popcorn (220 cal) and a ton of dill pickles (20 cal) for dinner. Fiance says to me this morning when we were talking about what to have for breakfast - "you pigged out yesterday so you should probably just have plain oatmeal".

Fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

900 calories is NOT pigging out! Jesus. I'm trying my best every fucking day. Yeah I ate some biscuits but fucking fuck fuck fuck. I fucking hate myself right now.

Edit: we talked about it and he apologized. I told him he was being rude because I totalled my calories to allow the popcorn. He said he didn't mean it that way and was just trying to keep me on track. I don't tell him that I'm eating so little - he thinks I'm eating 1200 a day instead. Anyway thanks for all the love and support everyone. This sub is just amazing. You're all the best people.

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[Rant/Rave] Need a weird vent
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 3 16:59:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xdzo2/need_a_weird_vent/
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[deleted]

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Thinking about raising my caloric I take and exercising
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Fri Mar 3 16:54:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xdyt0/thinking_about_raising_my_caloric_i_take_and/
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I'm thinking about switching my caloric intake from 450 to 500-525 and exercising to burn off 100-150 calories. I'm just scared to do it though but technically I will be consuming less calories if I add in exercising. Idk..

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[Rant/Rave] Receiving more and more male attention...
/u/thin-kitty [5'6 | 114 | -101 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 16:31:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xduo6/receiving_more_and_more_male_attention/
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It's this weird mixture of satisfaction and disgust. I'm satisfied that I'm getting noticed (after years of my fat self being completely ignored) but at the same time revolted at how shallow guys are.

For all this talk of 'real men prefer curves', I'm sure seeing the opposite the lower my weight dips. I don't know what to feel. They can't help what they find attractive, but knowing that my body is most attractive to many guys when I'm sick, well...it makes me feel kinda sick. But pleased. But sick.

Sorry, had to vent...anyone else get what I'm saying or do I sound absolutely crazy?

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[Other] Started drinking more water!
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 16:10:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xdqmt/started_drinking_more_water/
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(mobile, can't flair)

Okay so I've always been *hydrated* for the most part, I guess. I keep water with me at all times and drink it throughout the day. But I've seen things online that say stuff like "you should be drinking your weight in ounces of water daily" etc. So I decided I would try that out. Here's what happened after a few days...

Okay, first off, this is a little TMI. I have to pee like every half hour AT LEAST. It's kind of inconvenient for someone who's very busy. It also has made me poo more regularly.

But the really cool thing is I'm not hungry. Like at all. Like I'm focusing on drinking all this water and it fills me up. If I tried to eat I think I would just get stuffed. I always hated chugging water to make hunger go away, that just didn't work well for me. But this consistency in drinking is really cool cause it makes me feel satisfied? Kind of funny. The only cons are the peeing and the extra water weight/feeling a bit bloated.

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[Rant/Rave] Stressed out...
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 16:08:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xdq6p/stressed_out/
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I weighed in heavier than I expected to be this morning (109), and I'm still a couple pounds over the weight I wanted to be for the start of spring break next Friday (105). So I'm trying to restrict as much as I can today, but I'm starving and on campus so the only things around are fast food... and to make it worse I'm going to see my boyfriend tonight and I know he's going to try and get me to eat. Ugh. I dunno, just feeling like a failure today and needed to tell somebody.

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[Help] Stressed about engagement ring size
/u/diet247x [5'3 | BMI: 23.0 | -20 lbs | GW: 90 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 15:19:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xdgft/stressed_about_engagement_ring_size/
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This sounds so stupid and I apologize but I am incredibly stressed out about my ring size. I gained about 20 lbs in two years, and my fingers have gotten so much fatter. I've lost some of the weight, but I'm worried about how huge my fingers are. I'm racing to lose more weight before he buys the ring, because I cannot stand being a 6.25.

Is there anything I can do (in addition to losing weight) that will slim my fingers? I'm at my wits end.

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[Discussion] I love Fridays for a messed up reason.
/u/exmorbidly [5'7 | 169lbs | -111lbs | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 14:41:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xd8fz/i_love_fridays_for_a_messed_up_reason/
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At my work, most people aren't here on Friday's. I'm usually here alone with like 2 other people. The office right next to mine is the "snack" office, that always has cookies/chocolate/pretzels/crackers or whatever in it. On Fridays, when no one is in there, I grab a cup, walk over and start C/Sing Oreos and shit like it's nobody's business.

I'm pretty paranoid that I'm ingesting more calories than I'm aware of.. but I really enjoy it. Ugh, fucked up. Does anyone else do this kind of thing regularly? Does it make your weight loss stall? Aghh.

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[Goal] 22 lbs from my first GW !
/u/TooFatToBeOnTop17
Created: Fri Mar 3 14:32:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xd6cc/22_lbs_from_my_first_gw/
---
http://Goal

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[Tip] Just a quick tip!
/u/skinnieme [66" | 132lbs | 21.39| F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 14:15:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xd2ro/just_a_quick_tip/
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I had never thought about this before, but a friend of mine with diabetes told me what he does if he ever doubts that a server, barista, or drink fountain gave him what he ordered and swapped out real sugar.

Simply get a little drink on your finger and rub between finger and thumb. If it's sticky, it's sugar. Artificial sweeteners don't get sticky like sugar do.

I don't drink artificial sweeteners at all, so I can't personally confirm or deny, but I hope is helpful to at least one of you!

Sorry for no flair -- mobile.

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[Tip] So
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 13:55:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xcyi6/so/
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I am restricting much more heavily today to keep my weekly average calories below 1000 (I am aiming for below 900, but we will see). Anyway! I made a cabbage soup that is so good for only 200 calories for the ENTIRE SOUP. 1 bag of coleslaw (70 cal), 2 cans of broth (40 cals), 7 ounces of pico de gallo (76 cals), cumin (8 cals), salt and pepper. On a day when I'm not trying to restrict so low I'll probably add a bit more things for flavor but for the calories it'll have to do! Oh and some sriracha (: for the amount...like hot damn. 💜💜💜💜💜 oh and id love to hear any other large volume & safe/low cal etc ideas yall lovelies have!

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[Rant/Rave] I woke up this morning feeling hopeless
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -55lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Fri Mar 3 12:17:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xccr5/i_woke_up_this_morning_feeling_hopeless/
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I feel so stuck. I feel like I will never get away from all the worst parts of myself. I don't want to binge anymore. I'm ruining my life. I don't want to so why do I do it???

Yesterday I had a plan. This morning I found a binge food I thought I tossed but somehow missed in my cupboard...and done. Just having one turned into half the box. What the hell!

There's a part of me that's just so very tired of trying to get better. Tired of panicking about a binge and the stress of dealing with the fallout. Tired of watching the scale go up and down, over and over on the same numbers again and again.

Why can't I just be normal? Why do I sabotage myself? I know what I want, I know how to get there...so where is the disconnect? I am not a lazy person. I am not a stupid person. I am not an undisciplined person.

In college I was so on point. I could cut a sandwich into two pieces and be totally fine for breakfast and dinner. I could spend two, even three days at a time on just water. I don't mean to idealize that period of my life - I don't know. I just felt so much more in control back then. It's empowering to say "I'm not eating today" and actually not eat anymore. Right now I feel like I have no say in whether I binge or not.

My former boss and mentor, who knows I struggle with this issue, gave me a gift card to a running specialty store for x-mas last year and the card said "this is the last hurdle." She's so fucking right but here I am still on the treadmill and not making progress. Not only am I disappointing myself, I'm disappointing her now too.

I want to be everything that everyone thinks I am. I want to be the person I know I am on the inside. I want my life back. Sorry, just had to get this off of my chest.

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[Discussion] I found 23cal a tbsp "nutella"
/u/Childofstupidity [5'2.5 | cw 113 | gw ☠️ | lw 80~ | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 11:47:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xc61y/i_found_23cal_a_tbsp_nutella/
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Basically it's just like pb2/powdered peanut butter but oh my gosh it's chocolate and hazelnut.


I didn't even know they made that!

I found it at the Vitamin Shoppe (US), along with vegan quest bars, and vegan protein cookies. I'm in heaven.

The point of this, is what stuff have you found low calorie alternatives for that surprised you?

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[Discussion] What is your perspective on what happens after death and how do you think that affects your ability to lose weight?
/u/Cecira
Created: Fri Mar 3 11:46:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xc5zs/what_is_your_perspective_on_what_happens_after/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Under Budget For The Week But...
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | 143.8 lbs | 26.18 | -51.2 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 11:43:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xc572/under_budget_for_the_week_but/
---
Holy cannoli I just had my first binge in weeks and it feels as horrible as I remember!! :) I went almost 200 calories over my BMR! My very Polish grandparents came to visit me and are staying for the week, and along with their clothes they brought enough food to feed an army. Whatever, right? I have self-control, I can handle myself, right? No. No I cannot. That's why I live alone, so I can control the food that is in my home. I ate so much kaszanka (blood sausage), kielbasa (a type of sausage), and paczki (donut) that my stomach feels like it is about to burst open. They kept pressuring me to eat and I kept refusing but as soon as they left it was like the hunger floodgates opened and even though I kept thinking, "man you are so going to fricking regret this," I just ate and ate and ate. I calculated everything and I'm still ~1,000 calories under budget for the week, so it's not super terrible. I'm just mad that I was doing so well and finally got under 145 lbs earlier this week and now I have to do damage control during the weekend when I'd normally cut myself some slack. Ugh.

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[Help] Help with Coffee Drinks
/u/willsucceed100 [5'4" | 126 | 22.05 | -27 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 11:19:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbzpl/help_with_coffee_drinks/
---
Hi all,

Finally made a throwaway to communicate here! I might post an intro later but for now I just need some advice for coffee drinks.

I love torani syrups but my SO is lactose intolerant so we always have either almond milk or soy milk. So my drinks end up curdling!!! It looks so bad and it doesn't taste as good.

Does anyone know how to prevent the curdling from happening? I usually have regular drip coffee, two pumps of the SF French vanilla or hazelnut, and as small splash of soy/almond milk.

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[Help] New girlfriend really wants to cook food for me.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 3 11:12:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbxzb/new_girlfriend_really_wants_to_cook_food_for_me/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] [Discussion] - What's your favorite low calorie alcohol?
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Fri Mar 3 10:53:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbtjg/discussion_whats_your_favorite_low_calorie_alcohol/
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I almost never drink because of the calories. Thus I know very little about alcohol you can purchase at the grocery store or fancy drinks you get at the bar, but I have an "after work" meeting coming up and would like people's opinion of what they drink when "out" vs. when they drink at home. Usually I drink soda water or unsweetened ice tea when out with pals but I'm always the designated driver and they've come to expect that so it's a non-issue there. I was thinking a thing called "a Wiskey Soda" might be a good option, honestly I just don't want to look like an idiot when I order my drink either from the bar or if ordering room service. Any ideas?

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[Help] I'm desperate - My SO ate almost 2 pounds of chicken for dinner.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 3 10:44:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbrk7/im_desperate_my_so_ate_almost_2_pounds_of_chicken/
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[removed]

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[Other] My favourite binge/purge foods! What are yours?
/u/megamorphaseez
Created: Fri Mar 3 10:38:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbqdy/my_favourite_bingepurge_foods_what_are_yours/
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https://i.redd.it/gwelihzqb8jy.jpg

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Who's your celebrity crush?
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri Mar 3 09:53:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbgbx/whos_your_celebrity_crush/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri Mar 3 09:52:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbg1i/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/1114x5rh38jy.jpg

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Weekly Selfie and Progress Pic Thread! March 03, 2017
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 3 09:37:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbcrv/weekly_selfie_and_progress_pic_thread_march_03/
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[deleted]

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Daily Food Diary! March 03, 2017
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 3 09:35:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xbce2/daily_food_diary_march_03_2017/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I gain and lose the same weight over and over again, but not this time. I'm in control now.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 3 09:06:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xb5zu/i_gain_and_lose_the_same_weight_over_and_over/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Personal reasons/goals to lose weight.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 154.8 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 08:20:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xaw2i/personal_reasonsgoals_to_lose_weight/
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We clearly all want to be smaller, but we all have different reasons. Here's a unique few of mine.

* Period pain: When I'm heavier, like now, my cramps are debilitating. It numbs my legs and makes it difficult to stand for more than a few minutes. Even though I'm at a normal BMI, my cramps virtually disappeared the lower I got.

* I tend to run warmer. I hate being hot and heavy. In the winter, I practically die from all the heating. I'd like to take off some of my own insulation.

* Travelling: I fit just fine in airplane seats and have plenty of room, but I'd like to be smaller. Long haul flights are more comfortable when you can curl up.

* Wear my brother's clothes. He's almost 11. At my LW, I could snuggly wear his sweatshirts. I'd like to be there again.

What are some of your more personal reasons to lose weight?

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[Rant/Rave] The whoosh is real, yall.
/u/exmorbidly [5'7 | 169lbs | -111lbs | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 08:01:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xasax/the_whoosh_is_real_yall/
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Been feeling so depressed and anxious about my weight lately.. I'm getting married in 3 months and I'm trying my damndest to lose 25lbs. I wanted to be WAY thinner by now, but this is the best I can physically do at this point. I've been restricting for weeks and the scale has barely moved.. pissing me off to no end. I obsess over the math (if I eat this much and burn this much I should lose exactly this much) and it just wasn't adding up. Today I got on the scale and BAM. 4 pounds down since yesterday. Wtf! Yaaaas. The math works! Yay thermodynamics! Gotta keep truckin for this damn wedding.. 21lbs to go.

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[Rant/Rave] Snapchat is personally offending me with its McDonald's all day breakfast adverts
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 3 07:49:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xapwg/snapchat_is_personally_offending_me_with_its/
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[deleted]

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My tiny new thigh gap
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 3 07:45:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xapab/my_tiny_new_thigh_gap/
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https://i.redd.it/grc1ywrpg7jy.jpg

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[Discussion] What's your current workout routine? (Discussion)
/u/MeMyselfAndCarbs [5'3" | 110.6 | 24F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 07:42:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xaorm/whats_your_current_workout_routine_discussion/
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Sorry I'm on mobile and can't flair right now!

I recently got back to the gym after a long break. I'm kind of easing myself into it, and my current routine is:

Elliptical: 20-30 minutes

Stair master: 10-15 minutes

Row: 10-20 minutes

(Sometimes I choose between the stair master and rower and only do one or the other)

And then finish with 15-20 minutes in the sauna.

I'd love to use the weights but I swear every boy I ever went to middle school lifts at my gym & I don't want them to see me, haha.

What does everyone else do in the gym? I'd love to share routines and get ideas for future workouts!

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[Rant/Rave] I wish my brain could decide whether I'm fat or not
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Fri Mar 3 07:35:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5xanae/i_wish_my_brain_could_decide_whether_im_fat_or_not/
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One moment, I can look in the mirror and think 'Eh, you're not skinny, but perhaps no one could call you outright fat just seeing you in the street'

Then the next, and the majority of the time, I look in the mirror and it's suddenly 'IMPOSSIBLY FAT. DISGUSTING. FAT ALL OVER'

And it really can be just the next moment. I'm body checking a lot recently when I'm at home, at least every hour, and it can change within the hour.

I've tried to use body/BMI visualisers to get a grip on what I may look like, what my weight might be (I'm not weighing myself for a while) and just get some perspective... but I don't really feel I look like any of those body representations at ANY weight range or shape? Like, completely disconnected no matter how I try to force myself to see something similar about my size or whatever, or get that perspective.

It's frustrating and the only conclusion I can come to to possibly fix it, is that I need to restrict more. Because logic.

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[Help] Drinking on an empty stomach
/u/possiblycurious [5'5"| 133| -17lbs| F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 04:22:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x9ttu/drinking_on_an_empty_stomach/
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So....I work as a model- while there are some photoshoots- it's more in person stuff. It involves a lot of eating & drinking.

I was in Florida for 4 days & my jeans are tight.

I have a gig today. I'm restricting today.

The dilemma is that I don't like getting too drunk because of safety issues.

Any advice on how to help avoid this?


Edit: Can't flair on mobile. 😰

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[Rant/Rave] WHY WHY WHY
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 03:28:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x9nbg/why_why_why/
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I always end up mad binging once a week. Last night I was doing so good...ended the day with 788 cals (not counting booze) and I fucking binged ate 1089 calories worth 3 bags of snack chips, 2 100 cal English muffins, 2 35 cal pieces of toast, and peanut butter crackers. Holy fuck. I've been up worrying my heart out. I keep fucking doing this and I'm going to gain my weight back. I've done so good despite weekly binges... AND this Is hilarious given I told my Dad yesterday I don't eat carbs anymore ...cue pounding chips and bread into my fat face...fuck my life. I couldn't even hork it up last night. I'm so sad ):

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Good YouTube videos on EDs?
/u/calmlyranting [5'5 | Fluctuating | F]
Created: Fri Mar 3 03:17:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x9m3i/discussion_good_youtube_videos_on_eds/
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I remember someone posting a video called "Binge" on here where it told the story of a girl suffering from bulimia. So I was wondering if anyone knows of any more video shorts like that. Other video suggestions like documentaries would also be nice. I'm pretty open to anything.

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"recovery.." so far
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 2 22:58:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x8qls/recovery_so_far/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I have no control
/u/theobeseana
Created: Thu Mar 2 22:48:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x8p2u/i_have_no_control/
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On mobile: rant

My only goal for March was no binging and purging until I was home for spring break and forced to eat by my family. Binged all day today and had my biggest purge in months. Why am I like this? Why can't I control myself? Who the fuck eats cookie dough with Doritos and lucky charms???? I don't deserve to live in this body, I treat it like shit.

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[Help] I don't know if I'm losing muscle or fat
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 2 22:44:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x8ok7/i_dont_know_if_im_losing_muscle_or_fat/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Co workers keep commenting on my weight and what I eat ...I like it
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 134.48lbs | BMI 20.14 |- 26lbs | GW 127lbs | 24F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 22:28:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x8m02/co_workers_keep_commenting_on_my_weight_and_what/
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One of my colleagues is attending weight watchers / slimming world (I keep getting them mixed up), and I'm happy for her if she's happy! She's so lovely and doing so well.

Anyway, we were talking about weight and one of my colleagues said I looked really trim recently, I said "thank you, I have lost 3kg" and one of my others said (in a nice way) "not that you have much to lose anyway!" (this was after congratulating my colleague at slimming world for losing 10lbs already).

Recently they've been asking me what I eat and have been watching when I'm just eating all the fruit and drinking all the miso soup. I think it's good because they see me eat, and they obviously think I must look good because they're starting to do the same and asking me where I get my nutrients from etc etc.

I feel quite positive about it currently - I hope it doesn't change as I lose more weight !

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[Rant/Rave] I've gained an ungodly amount of weight.
/u/Para-Medic [5'1' | too much | too much |0 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 22:07:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x8irg/ive_gained_an_ungodly_amount_of_weight/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Technically recovered
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 2 21:56:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x8gvx/technically_recovered/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] So far in my depression, ED and anxiety that I'm missing my dad's 90th birthday
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 21:08:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x897v/so_far_in_my_depression_ed_and_anxiety_that_im/
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**Sorry, this is more like a rant about life in general, not just my ED. I would post somewhere else but this sub is the only sub I'm comfortable with when it comes to stuff like this. Feel free to ignore.**

I haven't lost any weight since I last saw him. In fact, I was 10 pounds lighter and he praised me so much and wouldn't stop looking at me. Smiling, crying and calling me beautiful. That was the first time I ever felt like he was actually proud of me. I don't really have a good relationship with him, he wasn't a father figure, he's done fucked up shit and he can say very hurtful things.

He was admitted to the hospital because of hypothermia. He called me a few days later and asked me why I didn't visit him. Apparently, my mom told him about my mental issues. That was the very first time I heard my dad say I love you to me. He asked me to visit him and I was at my thinnest then. He said nothing but nice things, he said he wanted to help me with my depression and he wanted me to visit him more often.

I haven't seen/talked to him since November. I was turning 18 in January and he promised that I could travel to Europe. When I came back a few weeks later to remind him, he totally forgot and started saying hurtful things like how I'm incapable of certain things because of my depression and how I don't know anything and I'm just clueless. I left while sobbing uncontrollably.

I just feel very conflicted. My dad is 90, he's been in and out of the hospital for months now because of heart problems. He'll probably die soon. Sure, he hasn't treated my family and I very well but I feel like he tried at least a little bit towards the end.

Anyways, I don't want to go to his birthday party because I hate myself and my body. I don't want anyone to see how much of a mess I am, how much I've let myself go. I get very anxious at the thought of even leaving my home. And the fact that I haven't talked to him in months, even when he almost died, makes me feel extremely guilty. There's just no excuse for what I've done. I just feel like a selfish, messed up prick.

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[Other] Oh my Jessica Jones.
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 19:56:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x7wfb/oh_my_jessica_jones/
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She's my thinspo. For real. We're alcoholics and work in the same sort of field...ice ice baby. Goddamn. I need more work. She's such a badass! Now if only I could leave the house...

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[Help] Weight loss supplements
/u/StrongHandsShakeHard
Created: Thu Mar 2 19:41:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x7tl1/weight_loss_supplements/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Waiting to date?
/u/talkingburger
Created: Thu Mar 2 18:57:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x7lo2/waiting_to_date/
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On mobile, please flair as discussion!

Feel like I'm not worthy enough to be dating anyone until I've reached my goal weight. But the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that when I finally do reach my GW I'll find something else to fault and keep trying to perfect every little bit of me first before I'll allow myself to date...

Just curious if anyone else feels this way.

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[Goal] After 2 months of being stuck in a binge/restrict cycle, I have finally broken it and now for the first time since I was probably 14 I have a BMI in the teens!!!!
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 101.6 | BMI:19.8 l GW 90| -42 l F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 18:16:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x7e7x/after_2_months_of_being_stuck_in_a_bingerestrict/
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I mean it's hardly under 20, and I'm going off the old BMI (less triggering, tbh) but WOW that's a relief.

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[Goal] I'm within 10 lbs of the thinnest girl in my grade
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 18:09:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x7cww/im_within_10_lbs_of_the_thinnest_girl_in_my_grade/
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She's an actual nymph. She tells everyone she's 111, I was assuming she was like 90. I'm about 116-117. How is this fucking real, she is forever thinner than me??? Oh my god, I am WAY too excited about this. And everyone was going on about how light she was and they couldn't understand how she could be that light. I know she's a little over 5'7 and has a pretty fit body, but we are still SO CLOSE.

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[Rant/Rave] Was only able to make it 17 hours during my fast and then I got asked to eat all you can eat sushi :(
/u/skaggs123
Created: Thu Mar 2 18:07:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x7cdu/was_only_able_to_make_it_17_hours_during_my_fast/
---


On mobile so I can't flair
So close to getting the full 24 hours and now I feel like shit :(

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[Help] The only problem with the guy I'm dating
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 17:54:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x7a1v/the_only_problem_with_the_guy_im_dating/
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This guy and I have been going out every weekend for a couple of months now. We haven't labeled ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend yet, but whatever we have going on is mutual and exclusive. He is amazing in so many ways- kind, caring, respectful, the list goes on. He makes me laugh and makes me feel so small (I love how tall and masculine he is). He does not bring me any anxiety, and for some reason I find that I can eat around him.


There is only one problem. We both are taking a class that has just gone over eating disorders. He's a pretty sarcastic, humorous person. I have heard him say Anorexia isn't real when talking with a group of classmates. He doesn't make fun of people who have the disorder; I truly believe he just has not been exposed to the realities of the situation or has a misunderstanding of what the disorder is.


I just find it really ironic that we're basically dating and I secretly have an eating disorder. I don't know when I'll tell him (obviously i'll wait until what we have is more serious). But most importantly, I don't know how i'll address it when I do tell him. Will he not believe me? Will he think I'm crazy? This is literally the only problem with this guy, and I think about it a bunch.

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[Discussion] dae feel like they really "let themselves go"?
/u/kindofawhale [5'5 | 153 | F ]
Created: Thu Mar 2 17:45:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x78du/dae_feel_like_they_really_let_themselves_go/
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Because damn, I really do.

To think I used to be underweight, lost every shred of self-control, and brought myself back up to this weight? It makes me sick. Thank god I found this sub. After I "recovered", I ballooned right up back to my starting point.

I hope I can fix this.

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[Rant/Rave] Does anybody else feel like just becauze people dont worry that they WANT you to keep losing weight??
/u/Sinco_the_mayo
Created: Thu Mar 2 16:44:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x6wkz/does_anybody_else_feel_like_just_becauze_people/
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[removed]

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[Other] I gave a speech today!! I hate public speaking but I did iiitt. What did you conquer this week?
/u/jessamini [5'5 | 116.5 | GW 100 |19F 🌸]
Created: Thu Mar 2 16:12:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x6q3q/i_gave_a_speech_today_i_hate_public_speaking_but/
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I just delivered a 5-7 minute speech on Trader Joe's! It was for my Professional & Strategic Speech Class. Oh my gosh I'm still shaking haha, I almost fainted at the end

I feel like I got at least 80 out of 100 points, I am pretty sure I was within the time limits and I think I made good eye contact..the only problem is we were supposed to orally cite 5 sources, and one of my notecards got stuck to the back of another so I think I missed a source :// maybe 2? It's a blur, I was talking really fast (in my head) who knows maybe I stumbled over my lines and skipped a name.

Anyways I did it! It is done :)) I'm definitely going to work even harder on the next speech, regardless of my grade..I like the teacher and I want her to be proud of me, lol

Have you guys conquered anything week? Share it with me.

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Are fitbit calories accurate?
/u/foldedpapercranes [5'6'' | 105lbs | bmi 17| F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 15:58:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x6n5n/are_fitbit_calories_accurate/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Weird Motivation
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | 143.8 lbs | 26.18 | -51.2 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 15:25:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x6g7r/weird_motivation/
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My boyfriend has never motivated me to lose weight. I think he's into bigger girls anyways, and he was still attracted to me when I was obese. I never feel the need to restrict more as a result of spending time with friends. Everyone I spend time with is, for the most part, overweight, too! Thinspo just doesn't do it for me. Instead, I come up with strange scenarios that motivate me. I daydream a lot and I'll imagine running into kids that I knew in elementary school and how they'd react to me at different weights. Sometimes I come up with other scenarios and place myself in them, at a different weight each time. I'll imagine going through security at an airport, checking out groceries, walking down the street, stuff like that. Just mundane things. Of course the thinner I am in the scenario, the better it turns out. Anybody else do something similar?

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[Help] How much does Express vanity size??
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW127 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 15:04:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x6bmo/how_much_does_express_vanity_size/
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Silly question, I know. But these jeans I just tried on are a fucking ZERO. They barely zip so it's not like they're comfortable or roomy or anything but... I mean are they actually like a two or what? I wish I could just be happy that they semi-fit, but I can't.

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Binge eater and I need to stop!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 2 13:48:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5um4/binge_eater_and_i_need_to_stop/
---
[removed]

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[Other] What are your favourite episodes of Supersize vs Superskinny?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 2 13:26:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5phx/what_are_your_favourite_episodes_of_supersize_vs/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Does anyone else fantasize about cutting out all the fat?
/u/sternums [5'2 | literal tub of lard | F | UGW: 95]
Created: Thu Mar 2 13:22:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5osz/does_anyone_else_fantasize_about_cutting_out_all/
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Not like a self harm thing, but sometimes i lie awake fantasizing about having no nerve endings and taking a scalpel and carving all of that stupid fucking fat out, and then I'm magically pretty and thin!

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[Thinspo] Daily thinspo. My last post got removed.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 2 13:18:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5nxw/daily_thinspo_my_last_post_got_removed/
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https://i.redd.it/xofzjewcz1jy.jpg

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BF % vs Bmi
/u/just4fun310
Created: Thu Mar 2 13:17:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5nlw/bf_vs_bmi/
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[removed]

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[Help] Am I getting paler?
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -43 | 31F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 13:12:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5mko/am_i_getting_paler/
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I've lost about 35 pounds in 2 months, solely because of restricting. I try to drink more than enough water and take a daily vitamin but I feel like my skin is becoming see-through. Is this a thing?

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[Other] Calories in Corn...I have been living a lie
/u/selfmedic8d
Created: Thu Mar 2 13:12:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5mgi/calories_in_corni_have_been_living_a_lie/
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https://i.redd.it/xhmdzd31y1jy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I want to be emaciated so people can't help but worry.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 133.5 | 19.7 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 13:07:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5lau/i_want_to_be_emaciated_so_people_cant_help_but/
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I know this has been posted before, but I just need to get this out. I don't feel like anyone sees my pain. I want people to look at me and *instantly* be concerned. And being emaciated gets people's attention. I want to look sickly. Because then people will know how much I'm hurting.

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[Rant/Rave] Giving up flour and oil "for Lent"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 2 12:30:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5d4k/giving_up_flour_and_oil_for_lent/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Maintenence Struggles
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Thu Mar 2 12:28:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x5cnc/maintenence_struggles/
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Maintaining is so hard. I don't think I can lose any more weight (I can elaborate about why if you want but otherwise I don't want to jam up this post). I also don't want to gain weight.
I try to up my calories to 1200-1500, but then I feel like I "went over" (even though I didn't). Then the next day I restrict. Then the day after that I try and eat cautiously, then realize I'm STILL at a deficit, then try and up my calories. But upping my calories is SO HARD. It makes me feel so bad about myself. And before I do it I get this wind of empowerment and then after I eat I get scared that it's going to make me gain a bunch of weight.
I'm still losing weight. As much as I'm celebrating inside, I know I need to maintain or else I might have some social consequences.
Fuck. Thanks for listening to me ramble.

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[Rant/Rave] on vacation, just got engaged, can only think about how i'm probably gaining
/u/tinybites [24F | cw: 141.6 | gw: 115 | -43.6 lbs]
Created: Thu Mar 2 11:37:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x50g6/on_vacation_just_got_engaged_can_only_think_about/
---
im on mobile so please forgive the wall of text.

i'm in mexico for the next week and a half. the first night we were down here by bf of 3 years proposed to me on the balcony of our hotel room. it was so romantic and perfect. my head should be spinning with happiness and bliss but instead i'm missing my scale and thinking about how much weight i'm probably gaining here.

we're hanging out by the pool most of the day so i've been drinking like 2 pina coladas a day ( happy hour is buy one get one ) 😥 breakfast has been strictly fruit and dinner usually consists of chips and salsa. i just feel like a disgusting whale 24/7 without the reassurment of my scale. i've been logging all my food and haven't gone over 1000 cal but i can't stop thinking i'm gaining loads. ugh.

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[Intro] The student I work with is really triggering???
/u/MightyMuskrats [5'2 | fat | GW 120 | -17 | 22F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 11:23:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x4x28/the_student_i_work_with_is_really_triggering/
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Hi guys, I've never done a formal introduction so I guess this is kind of a mix between that and also a rant... on mobile so I can't flair unfortunately.

I've always had an unhealthy relationship with food. To my own memory I remember dealing with restrictive eating/body dysmorphia back as far as middle school but when I once brought it up to my mom during a breakdown she completely dismissed me so I don't know if I just was really good at hiding it or if I'm just misremembering...

I'm 22 now, recently graduated from my undergrad where I dealt a lot with body image issues and especially in my final semester went back to restrictive eating.. I've lost around 20 pounds since graduating in December which isn't as much as I'd like it to be unfortunately but at least it's something. I've never been formally diagnosed with an ED and I have awful anxiety so I've just lurked mostly here at r/proED because I spend a lot of time convincing myself that I'm just a fraud and that I wouldn't really be accepted if I posted, but you guys are all so supportive of everyone here so I figured with what I've been dealing with lately,
I'd ask you for advice.

Currently I'm working in special education with EBD kids, and it's amazing and I love it.... except that the main student I work with is extremely triggering. It's like he has this radar for when I'm having a bad day and always talks about food, refuses to eat the school lunch and just like incessantly talks about how he doesn't eat anything and how eating makes him sick... but he only really does it when I am picking at my own lunch which is hard enough for me as it is... how can I ignore his comments? I just don't know what to do. Nobody knows about my problems with food here, I've only been at this job for a couple months as it is, I don't want anyone to know about it and I just feel like I can't tell him to just shut the fuck up about his eating habits around me.

And the thing is, he DOES eat. He just finished a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on wheat bread, and a pudding, and every day he comes in wth fucking sweet tea and adds like 6 extra TB of granulated sugar to it. He'll raid the SPED classroom cupboards and make himself instant oatmeal with like three packets of the oats and add MORE SUGAR TO IT. When he finishes his tea syrup, he fills the bottle with water and just adds straight sugar to it????

Like can you just not bother me while I take my 20 minute lunch to chomp on these five baby carrots?

Ugh you guys I just need advice and like, I don't know, someone to calm me down because it's happened so much this week and I don't want to feel so upset by it

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[Rant/Rave] Giving up Pizza (and punching people) for Lent: Long Personal Rant (Sorry!)
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:114.2🌸 BMI:20.2🌙 -30.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Thu Mar 2 11:10:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x4tz3/giving_up_pizza_and_punching_people_for_lent_long/
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Okay, so I'm not Catholic, but my family is and Fiancé's family is, so we do lent. If you haven't read my other posts, basically all you need to know is I live with Fiancé's family, including his eating disordered brother (BIL), BIL's anorexic gf (AnaSIL) and his autistic, binge-eater little bro, AutisticBIL.

For lent I'm giving up liquid calories and pizza. I've already given up fast food, so it's our family pizza nights that are really fucking me over. Fiancé is giving up fast food and refined sugar. MIL is giving up soda. Everyone's being really healthy and I'm super proud of them.

Fiancé asked AutisticBIL (AB) what he was giving up and he said nothing. Which is fine - nobody is forced to participate or gets dragged to church in this house, so fair enough. But MIL mentioned that AB should consider giving up ice cream, since he's basically addicted to it. This kid has EIGHT pints in the freezer currently, and takes ALL of them out every night to eat them right from the container. He's so addicted that once, when he realized the ice cream we had sat outside (since it was below freezing out and the freezer was full of - you guessed it - MORE ICE CREAM) had melted over the course of two days, he put it BACK in the freezer and ate it. It had been sitting in 60 degree weather for over 36hours. He is seriously addicted.

But anyway, MIL mentions he should maybe give that up, or cursing, since he curses a LOT and has no filter, no matter where we are. The zoo, a funeral, church...doesn't matter, say all of the cursewords. At MIL's suggestion he FLIPS his shit, starts screaming and rampaging through the house, calling everyone and asshole and a bitch and on and on. I'm just standing there quietly making my brown rice and brussels sprouts, basically WTF-ing into space.

Eventually he ends up knocking MIL down - like, all the way down to the ground. Fiancé had to restrain him. He's punched MIL before - once at the dinner table when she asked to him take out his earbuds while eating dinner, and once while she was driving him to the doctor. He's also choked BIL. He's 24, 260+lbs, and totally out of control.

Sorry this is long, I just don't really have anyone else to talk about this with and it's hard. He's very high-functioning, went to normal college, graduated with honors, has a job, can read and write better than me. It's not that he can't help it - it's that he doesn't want to. Whenever things aren't going his way or he feels attacked, he lashes out and tries to scare everyone into backing off. I used to work with autistic folks for a living, and I can promise you that this is not "average" behavior for someone as high-functioning as him. We're trying to get him a new doctor, since I think his shitty therapist is part of the problem. He might need new medication. But what he also needs is boundaries, which he has never ONCE had in his entire, spoiled life.

He's incredibly selfish. He'll ruin entire cartons of ice cream or jars of peanut butter for everyone else by just eating out of them with a spoon or his hands, effectively "claiming" it all for himself because nobody wants to eat something after his spitty fingers/spoon have gone in the jar. Until recently, he would hog the TV in one specific room, despite having one in his bedroom and the 2nd living room that he has all to himself. No, those aren't good enough, and if you're taking a nap on the living room couch you can get fucked because he needs to watch THAT TV, RIGHT NOW, OR ELSE. It has to be It's Always Sunny repeats on full volume. I used to love that show but now I hate it because it's always on and he emulates the characters on the show now. Somehow he lived in a dorm for 2 years with no trouble, and he never acts like this when he's with their dad. It's just at home with us and his mom where he knows he can get away with it that he acts out.

I don't know. I'm just so frustrated. There are never any repercussions, boundaries, limits...nothing. There never have been, and that's why he's like this. I have worked with severely low-functioning, non-verbal people with autism who understood "don't hit!" better than this kid does.

He is allowed to eat, say, and do whatever he wants 24/7. I feel awful saying this, but he's great reverse-thinspo. He's the opposite of what I'm trying to be - large, loud, selfish...consuming everything in his path to the point there isn't enough left for others. Soaking up all the attention, food, and air in the room.

It is exhausting living with someone like this, watching everything you say or do, making sure never to leave CNN or another news source open on your laptop when you walk away because he'll see it and start screaming that all the stories are lies and you're a bitch for believing them. Being afraid to go to the zoo because there are little kids there, and he thinks that social norms dictating that we shouldn't curse in front of families with small kids are "bullshit." Being afraid to be home alone, because you never know what will set him off, and there's only one person in the house strong enough to restrain him. Having your safe foods regularly inhaled in one sitting without being asked, or ruined because he's so greedy he can't take some out of the jar and get more later, he has to eat it all straight from the jar NOW. I hate it. It's so frustrating living here sometimes. I feel so bad for him, too...I know he only acts this way because he's upset and confused now that we ARE setting boundaries for him. It all just sucks, and it contributes to my ED struggles as well because I'm afraid to go in the kitchen (his favorite hangout spot) to eat or work out. I have to put on headphones if I'm on the main floor of the house at all, because even if you say "I'm busy" his undying need for attention trumps that. The only way to get around it is to put on headphones and pretend you can't hear him, which makes me feel like an asshole. But it's that or hide in the basement all day and don't work out. Fuck that.

**TL;DR:** I'm a horrible person, but please know I work in mental health and AM familiar with autism. I have friends on the spectrum, and I judge NO ONE for having it. Please don't feel attacked by this if you or a loved one is on the spectrum. The point I'm making here is not that he's an asshole because he's autistic, it's that everyone around him has used his autism as an excuse to LET him be an asshole for his entire life, and they've created a monster. He's exactly like Satchen in the documentary [My Child Can't Stop Eating](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_PRHuuoeCs). All of the kids in that documentary have the same disorder, but only Satchen is a true jerk, and it's clearly because his family has let him do whatever he wants for so long that now that he's big enough to threaten them, they can't do anything to stop him.

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[Discussion] Finding your "real" weight?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 11:08:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x4tj4/finding_your_real_weight/
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How do you guys determine what you think is your real weight and what's water weight/bloating/etc.? Some days I'm two pounds up from what I was the day before even when I restrict, so I have no idea what I my weight actually is. What do you guys do?

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo. This is actually one of my friends. She posted this this morning and I'm not eating today.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 2 10:22:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x4jb3/daily_thinspo_this_is_actually_one_of_my_friends/
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https://i.redd.it/1gbd0wjz31jy.jpg

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[Discussion] Grocery shopping in the US
/u/vomitdogs [5'1 | 105 lbs | 19.9 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 10:15:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x4hli/grocery_shopping_in_the_us/
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I just got to the US a few days ago and I'm a little overwhelmed by all the options. I'm from Europe and it seems that there are a lot more low calorie/diet options over here, I just don't know what to get!
Does anyone have any good suggestions? Mostly looking for stuff that will stay good in the pantry, snacks, etc.

Also super confused by the "calories per serving" info on the back, instead of "calories per 100gr". It makes it so difficult to figure out which item actually has the least calories!

Thank you! I don't want to annoy my boyfriend by spending hours in every aisle checking out all of the nutrional info, lol.

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[Help] Have lost 8 pounds from PSMF, but having sushi tonight with important person. How do I mitigate damages?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 2 09:46:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x4aow/have_lost_8_pounds_from_psmf_but_having_sushi/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] DAE not have a "real" ED?
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 52.5 kg | 19.28 | 18 f]
Created: Thu Mar 2 09:25:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x465w/dae_not_have_a_real_ed/
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Mine is more a symptom of stress, I think. Like, if I'm not being pressured too much and I feel like I have free time and I'm enjoying myself, no ED. But with school (and life in general) pressuring me, it kind of just showed up and decided to stay awhile

I should note that I haven't been diagnosed (or tried to be)

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[Help] Concerned about damage
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 2 09:10:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x42v3/concerned_about_damage/
---
[deleted]

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Shut up body!
/u/Rikicarvu [5'8" | 115.6lbs | 17.32 | -23lbs |]
Created: Thu Mar 2 08:50:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x3ya2/shut_up_body/
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http://m.imgur.com/xwXrOMX?r

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[Rant/Rave] Dr. Appointment after a binge
/u/spaceppigeon [5'6 | 123 | 19.9 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 08:26:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x3t84/dr_appointment_after_a_binge/
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I've never posted before, and I'm on mobile so excuse me if I do something...wrong. I also can't flair? Not even sure what that means but I see you all say that a lot.
Anyway, I binged yesterday and for the first time in a long time I didn't purge. The reasons were plentiful. I'm pretending it's because of 'recovery' but really, it was an unplanned binge right before a graduate midterm and I was running late as it was. I cried and freaked out in the parking garage but in the end I chose to be on time and somewhat clear headed for this exam. I forgot though, that I have a doctors appointment today which means they will weigh me and I am bloated and full of food. I suppose I could turn away from the scale but we all know I won't do that. That's really it. I'm just anxious.

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[Goal] Re-evaluating Your Goal Weight
/u/Taiz_eyes
Created: Thu Mar 2 08:21:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x3s5o/reevaluating_your_goal_weight/
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(On mobile mark as discussion please!)

So I recently saw a photo of a celebrity who is about my height (5'4") , and a few years back, she was at my goal weight (118 lbs).

Annnnnnnnd I was disappointed. Which turned into stress. Which is now making me think about setting a new UGW.

Because she didn't look like how I pictured I would look if I got down to that weight, she didn't look radiant like she hit a magic number, she just looked kinda normal and still grumpy even in designer clothes.

So I guess I want to see if anyone else changed their gw after not being happy about how other people look? What has made you change your gw in the past?

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[Discussion] Does anyone else daydream about getting a job that would make them thinner?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 2 08:16:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x3r4y/does_anyone_else_daydream_about_getting_a_job/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Weird little things we do that we know don't actually make a difference
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 08:10:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x3prb/discussion_weird_little_things_we_do_that_we_know/
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I think the most ridiculous thing I do to burn extra calories is use manual doors instead of automatic when given the choice. Like really, as if opening a door will burn anything more than the teeniest fraction of a calorie.. And yet I justify it as if it's a full blown work out 😂

Other pointless things include; brushing my teeth before weighing myself, because obviously mouth dirt weighs something; choosing the lower calorie option that's actually only 1kcal lower; sticking to walking on the path instead of walking the shortcut, even if it's only an extra 3 steps; and weighing out 1g less than the serving size, which can actually sometimes make a difference but only really by a few calories.

What about you guys?

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[Discussion] DAE drink because BP is much easier that way?
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.4 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 2 08:06:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x3oyh/dae_drink_because_bp_is_much_easier_that_way/
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I've posted here in the past that I've had some issues with alcohol. I did really well and only drank twice in an entire month. (I used to drink daily) I've lost about 20lbs. It's been really awesome to be able to not drink. Not only does alcohol have a fuck ton of calories but I always eat without guilt while I'm drunk. That was my biggest problem. Well. I'll be honest. I ate almost an entire (giant) enchilada and purged almost all of it, very easily. That's something I really liked about drinking. I know that it DEFINITELY didn't do me any good health wise or especially weight wise, but in a way I loved that I could eat a ton and easily purge it, without feeling gross. Or feeling anything, really. Can anyone relate?....

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[Rant/Rave] Another Bout of Emotional Distress (TM)
/u/vhenah [5'7 | 134.2 | 20.95 | -86.4 | MOO]
Created: Thu Mar 2 08:02:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x3ny9/another_bout_of_emotional_distress_tm/
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I didn't want to make a post for this, but I don't feel like it necessarily belongs in the Weekly Support thread? I'm sorry to clutter the sub. My boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago. I'm pretty sure he never felt anything for me and the last two months were a giant waste of time and energy. I was the one putting effort into the relationship, I made sure to make time for him, make sure he was doing ok between stress and work and whatever. And I didn't realize until it was too late that I was being a fucking moron lmao. It just triggers me because I've never felt beautiful or genuinely wanted romantically by anyone. He threw me away so easily and without so much of a fight, which I know is a signal that I'm better off (why be with someone who won't communicate and work on the relationship right?). I still feel worthless and ashamed though.

On the very twisted brightside, it means I can throw myself back at my ED like a fatty piece of meat thrown at a lion. It's my only way of coping while I try to get into the swing of being alone again. I'm trying to find other things to fill my time so I don't dwell on everything that happened (Captain Hindsight reporting for duty) but nothing fulfills me besides the idea that I'm losing weight. I was able to fast without EC stacks for the first time yesterday and I was so happy and proud of myself, it was honestly the only thing that made me feel positive in like a week, and I only fasted because I wanted 'to do something for myself' - as fucked as that is.

idk I just felt like getting that out, I've felt really insulated from everyone I know irl in the past year and a half, so I guess I sporatically dump my thoughts here lol - sorry...

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[Discussion] Free calorie counting apps?
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Thu Mar 2 06:51:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x3ahy/free_calorie_counting_apps/
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Right now I'm using my net diary.
I like this because it doesn't judge you for how much weight you want to lose and it is willing to set your daily limit really how.
Howeverrrr...you have to set a "goal" weight to get a daily limit, and then if you don't log weigh ins it tells you you're "not on track" in red. Also, it'll change your limit on its own D:
This is anxiety inducing to me.
Are there any apps that just let you purely log your calories, without setting a goal weight?
Since my limit changes frequently I use it more as a record than anything else, and I don't really need any warnings.
Thanks! Sorry I can't flair, I'm on mobile.

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Chocolate
/u/talkingburger
Created: Thu Mar 2 06:36:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x383k/chocolate/
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[removed]

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[Help] Can't access losertown. Any alternatives?
/u/kyshkush
Created: Thu Mar 2 06:23:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x35zq/cant_access_losertown_any_alternatives/
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I've been trying to access losertown for few hours now without luck. Does anyone have any good alternatives?

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support March 02, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Mar 2 05:07:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x2uc6/weekly_emotional_support_march_02_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 02, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Mar 2 05:07:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x2ubf/daily_food_diary_march_02_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 02, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] A girl at my new job has an ED
/u/hawaiianhaole01 [5'6 | 127.2 | 20.5 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 23:23:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x1oej/a_girl_at_my_new_job_has_an_ed/
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On mobile, flair as rant/rave?

She does all of the tricks that I do, she's just clearly better at it because she is wayyyy skinnier than me. Eats ice. Picks at food. Instantly shares whatever she has to eat so she doesnt eat it. Gets food, but then doesn't eat around people. Doesn't eat lunch one day, but then the next uses all of the meal card on cookies, pop tarts, chips, pudding etc. Chews gum and drinks coffee all day. Ironically we work with food so she's always around it.

It's so obvious to me, I saw it on the first day by the way she was eating a kit kat. Little nibbles and it took her 5 mins to eat one side. People say things about how she picks at food, how her arms look like she's gonna snap when she picks things up and other comments but don't say that she has and ED or anything.

I'm jealous of her control, but she's so skinny it's scary. Oddly it's not motivation, or maybe it is subconsciously because all I've eaten is salad for the last 3 days. I just wish I knew how to bring it up to her that I know and that we have something in common. Instead I'll just watch her not eat from a corner lol.

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[Rant/Rave] Thought this would feel different
/u/mild-rose [5'11 | 128 |18.37| not enough | f]
Created: Wed Mar 1 22:46:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x1ius/thought_this_would_feel_different/
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I'm officially underweight. But I'm still fat. I fit into a size zero. But I'm still fat.
8 more pounds. Then we'll see.

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[Discussion] Cutting Bronkaid in half?
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW104 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 22:46:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x1isx/cutting_bronkaid_in_half/
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So I've never used Bronkaid before but I'm going to try tomorrow. I usually drink coffee in the morning and I was going to take one then. My question is whether it is okay to break the Bronkaid in half because it doesn't look like a pill that should be broken.

Also, I'm usually pretty active and tomorrow is the day I go for a run. Is it inadvisable to be super active well taking an EC stack? Thanks in advance for any input! :)

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[Rant/Rave] I finally dropped below 140 lbs!
/u/prolifictickers [5' 2" | 135 lbs | BMI 25.58 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 22:34:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x1h1x/i_finally_dropped_below_140_lbs/
---
I haven't been able to get over my stay in a psychiatric ward 2 years ago. I finally got the courage to see a therapist about it recently, but it's been a fucking nightmare for me. Just talking about the experience is too hard. Writing is slightly easier, but is still nearly impossible for me. I keep thinking that I'm putting myself in danger when I write about or say anything remotely personal, anywhere. Even on the internet, even anonymously, and even if I know I'm saying something that wouldn't get me hauled off to a ward. I'm so, so scared of going back to one. I'm paranoid and pathetic. ~~What the fuck is wrong with me? Kill me!~~

I finally came clean to my therapist earlier this week about my ED. I've never been diagnosed prior to my last visit with her, but I've always been weird with food. Long story short, I've been diagnosed. I know it's legit logically, but I don't feel like I'm "sick enough" to deserve a diagnosis... I know that feeling is bullshit, but I still find myself wondering, "Do I *really* have an eating disorder, or am I just making it up?"

Since then, I've found myself saying, "Fuck food. Fuck eating all together," and have been restricting my food intake out of fear, but I'm not sure what the fear behind this is coming from. Normally, when I'm restricting, I only find myself restricting successfully if other people are around. I've always been very scared of eating in front of people, and wouldn't do so unless I absolutely had to. Now I'm suddenly able to do so without "exploiting" my fear of eating in front of people, but what is the fear component behind my current behavior now? It's certainly there. I know I'm scared of eating the food itself at this point, in addition to being scared of losing control because my full button is broken and I BINGE frequently, but why the sudden change? I wonder if it's driven by shame. Hmm... Food for thought for me.

I haven't weighed myself in over a month, and I try not to weigh myself frequently because I know I will go bonkers and obsess over the number, just as I do with calories if I'm not careful. I weighed in at 135 lbs for the first time since I've been out of the ward. I was somewhere between 130 and 135 lbs before my stay, and weighed 148 lbs when I was discharged (my stay wasn't ED related, by the way). I yo-yoed between 140 and 145 lbs since then, until now. I hope I can get down to 130 lbs soon. The further away I am from 150 lbs, the better, IMO.

I wish I can just eat like a normal person, and not be scared of, or obsess over, food, eating, and weight. How do normal people do this? I try so damn hard *not* to do these things, but holy shit do I fail. Often. I hate this. Fuck me, my life, my bullshit, my stupidity, my problems, and my naivety.

The title makes this seem like a natural goal post, but I don't know if I'm going to flair it as goal, rant/rave, or help. I just want to crawl into a hole and hide, and eventually die. I want to live a short life. Or, actually, I wish I could be 5 years old again. Life was so much easier as a kid. Or hey, maybe the better wish for me is to not have been born, but it's way too late for that. Those particular wishes will never come true. I'll have to deal with the good and bad in my life for as long as I'm alive. Goddamn it... I hate being an adult.

---

[Discussion] If you drained me of my flaws, I would be almond milk
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 22:33:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x1gwm/if_you_drained_me_of_my_flaws_i_would_be_almond/
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Seriously. That shit is so good and creamy, Jesus Christ, I have like 14 orgasms retrieving it from the fridge.

What's your favorite plant milk?

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[Rant/Rave] I'm freaking out because my sister mixed up our drinks
/u/pcrnography [ -84 lbs | king of water retention]
Created: Wed Mar 1 22:04:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x1ce7/im_freaking_out_because_my_sister_mixed_up_our/
---
I have no idea how much regular Coke I just drank. I asked for a HUGE Diet Coke and when she handed it to me I didn't even check, I'm freaking out.

My sister said "I'm sorry, they taste the same. I know it's a calorie thing though." and my brother goes "you know, I heard our bodies process diet sodas in a way that actually leads to weight gain." and then he looked it up and started talking about how it didn't matter and if I drank any kind of soda, I would gain weight.

Yes. That's what I want to hear. That I'm going to gain weight from this. Today was supposed to be a sub 300 day. I want to die. I was already retaining water like crazy because I basically only eat popcorn and soy sauce now, and I'm sick, and I'm about to start my period. I can feel the fat cells growing under my skin. :(

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[Help] Scared AF to Transition to a Sustainable Diet
/u/TarotWoman88 [5'8''| BMI 25.5 | -123 |F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 21:50:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x1a20/scared_af_to_transition_to_a_sustainable_diet/
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So, I've been in a fast/refeed/binge cycle since late December. I've eaten approximately 24/68 days. I've lost 28 lbs despite perhaps 9-10 seriously horrific binges, but my hair has fallen out and I've had lots of other awful health and emotional issues. I may be the fattest person ever to lose their period from restricting. Do not recommend.

I'm going to try to transition to a protein sparing modified fast on March 5th because I promised my husband I would. Not the strictest PSMF because I'll be eating carrots and tomatoes and non-fat dairy--I made up a sample meal plan that came to about 1100 calories that I'm happy to share if anyone wants (149g protein, 18g net carbs, 4g fat). But I'm scared out of my wits.

I'm scared because even though I'll be staying in ketosis from fasting, I WILL see a 3 lb spike in my weight just from having food in my system. I'm scared that my weight loss will slow to the point I'll freak out and start the fasting cycle again. I have massive amounts of fear about two PSMF-safe foods, egg whites and dairy, but I know that doing lean meat only is a recipe for failure so I'm doing one serving of dairy a day.

Like, I'm just really freaking scared that it's all going to be an expensive, stressful, massive failure. And I realllllly wish that I could actually talk to a nutritionist who'd approach this all from a harm-reduction perspective instead of telling me that I'm disordered and should just go and eat an appropriate amount of different types of foods. My hunger cues have never been normal and I still have pounds of weight to lose to be healthy.

Looking for ANY support or advice or experience people have to share in this area. You guys are awesome.

---

[Rant/Rave] Mother is commenting on my weight again
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW104 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 21:37:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x17wy/mother_is_commenting_on_my_weight_again/
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So I've lost a considerable amount of weight and as a result have had to buy new clothes. My mother has been kind enough to help me purchase clothes and sent me yoga pants in the mall the other day. They fit fine in the legs but were too big in the waist and butt and I told her this.

So of course she tells me "Don't worry, you will gain the weight back and then they will fit." She is ALWAYS telling me I'm going to gain the weight back and it's so frustrating. I've lost 40 fucking pounds, even if I gain some weight back I am NOT gaining back all of that. I don't understand why she always is commenting on how I am going to gain weight. It just really fucking bothers me.

But the joke is on her because I've decided to get back on track cause FUCK maintaining. After visiting 5 stores I finally found Bronkaid and tomorrow I'm going to try my first EC stack. I am determined to be 97 pounds by graduation. I don't know why but I need to be below 100 pounds. I just have to do it.

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[Discussion] Lurking on healthy weight loss subs
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 1 21:37:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x17wc/lurking_on_healthy_weight_loss_subs/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] So lost and confused [exercise]
/u/mna777
Created: Wed Mar 1 21:15:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x1496/so_lost_and_confused_exercise/
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Just to begin with, sorry sorry sorry for the rant. I've been through various ED cycles for the past 6-7 years. For the past 2.5 or so, I have been fairly committed to "recovery" and while I still have pretty severe orthorexia, I got back to a somewhat healthier (bleh) weight. Mainly because I got this amazing job and my boyfriend and I have gotten so serious, things are happy. He's so encouraging and genuinely loves my body no matter what, though I have no idea why...
Plus I should note that I've always exercised and been a runner, somewhere between feeling "obligated" to run everyday and addicted to the endorphins, plus just loving it as a big of "me time" every morning

But recently, particularly within the past 7 months or so, I have really started to feel different and started haaaaating my body again

I'm stuck in this cycle of
1. I hate my body and feel large, so I run thinking that exercise will help me feel better and I also literally cannot imagine stopping exercising
2. Running makes me feel really swollen and achy, for some reason only within the past few months. But mentally i guess it still gives me that release
3. I also think that running makes me gain too much muscle in my legs/my thighs which I absolutely HATE so I talk myself into trying to run less the next day
4. I can't run less because once I start running, I don't want to stop, until afterwards where I think "I shouldn't have done that, because now I won't lose that leg muscle"
5. Running/exercise makes me hungry, but I also haven't known a life without exercise since like 7 years ago. I eat on this schedule, almost the same thing everyday, and I probably wouldn't know how to tell whether I'm "really" hungry when I'm not justifying it by a run, or when I don't have exercise driving my appetite
6. I ran so I can eat, I eat and feel guilty, wake up (at fucking 4 AM) and start the whole cycle all over again

I am so tired. I don't want these bulky legs (in reality they are probably not that big but I know I've gained some muscle and I want it gone) but I don't know how to give up running

I'm sorry for the rant, I just have these thoughts swirling around all day and I don't talk to any other people about them. So it felt good to write it out

TLDR; i just wanted to know if you guys find it easier to lose weight solely by restricting, or do you have a way of combining it with exercise where it doesn't make you feel more "bulky"? I need to drop 15 lbs and feel like my old light tiny self again and I just don't know how to get back there because it feels like nothing works. Miserable

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[Rant/Rave] [Rave] One week binge free, and lost weight!
/u/foldedpapercranes [5'6'' | 105lbs | bmi 17| F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 20:23:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x0uw6/rave_one_week_binge_free_and_lost_weight/
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I am not sure if it's too early to post, but it's been officially 1 week since my last binge.

I have eaten 1000-1300 calories each day. I make myself eat to 1000 if I'm under. Today I ate 1600, probably because I'd lost a pound and somehow felt like I earned desserts...but I didn't binge!

After posting in this sub I decided binging was worse than a slower loss. I was gaining and then had to suffer through restriction and hunger to make up for it. Last semester I lost weight by restricting to about 600-800 calories a day and didn't binge that much, but your hunger catches up to you. I think we are scared that if we eat more we will still binge and gain anyway and so we restrict more to make up for binges...but I'm here to announce that if you eat at a healthy deficit, you will stop binging and still lose weight!

I feel a lot better about myself! I weighed 107 today and even though I have at least 2 more to reach my lowest weight and it will take months to reach my goal (103), I feel a million times happier.

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[Rant/Rave] Ending relationships because of ED
/u/cheeekyslug [5'5" | "in BND recovery" | GW: 115 | 19F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 20:22:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x0uqr/ending_relationships_because_of_ed/
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I've been seeing this guy since mid January and another guy since beginning Feb and I've been so fucking off with my antidepressants for bulimia and my ED brain coming back. You know what I did? Just blocked them out of every way to contact me.

I'll regret it tonight when I'm in the mood and I need their attention but I rather be skinny and figure out everything else later. I did it last summer where sex was so boring and I didn't care about being loved. Taking 2x the amount of ephedrine and caffeine pills and then exhausting myself until I had no other choice but to sleep. The second I start feeling any joy with myself and having someone adoring the way I look, the more tempted I am to eat. I can't eat when I'm sad. And my ex's shit made me gain 20lbs and I suffered too fucking long to lose 55lbs to just gain it all back.

Sorry, I'm just so ranty right now and I just took a caffeine pill and I need to get it off my system lol.

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[Help] Eating before getting a tattoo?
/u/eurydiicce
Created: Wed Mar 1 19:08:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x0gzm/eating_before_getting_a_tattoo/
---
No flair because I'm on mobile! My 18th birthday is on Friday and I have a tattoo appointment. Friends with tattoos have told me I should eat before going, but I was wondering if that is really necessary? I've been doing really well for a while now and don't really want to overeat because I'm getting dinner with my boyfriend afterwards and I do not go over 700 cal a day. So, people who have been tattooed, is it necessary to eat beforehand? If so, I will probably restrict more tomorrow in order to free up some calories for Friday. But I'd rather not eat, or eat a very light snack if I really need to. (Btw! Also wanted to celebrate reaching my first goal weight! Double digits feel so good!)

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[Discussion] Same food every day?
/u/paytontanner94 [5'4 | CW 122| UGW: 112 l 25F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 18:42:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x0c5w/same_food_every_day/
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I always think I have an addictive personality. I'm someone who gets obsessed with things quickly and passionately. Sometimes these obsessions/addictions last for months or years, it's always hard to tell.

One reason I think this is because I will eat the exact same foods for months at a time. For example, every day last year I had 1 cliff bar for breakfast and the same cliff bar for lunch. Every. Single. Day. I went through a period of eating exactly 6 mint mentos every day after teaching for half a year and then I just stopped one day. Now, I eat popcorn every night for dinner (last 2-3 months) and 12 mini pretzels every day for lunch or breakfast.

Is this a habit of a people who habitually restrict? Or just something everyone does?

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[Other] 10 pounds from my goal and I am...disgusting
/u/bobtheragqueen
Created: Wed Mar 1 18:42:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x0c5n/10_pounds_from_my_goal_and_i_amdisgusting/
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Since this May I've lost 80 pounds. I went from 202 to 122, and my goal is 110-115. I eat about 750 calories a day

Problem is...my body is disgusting. I thought by this point my stomach would be mildly flat but its still huge. My bellybutton looks like I'm morbidly obese, its just a horizontal line not a cute little circle :(. My arms hang and flop back and forth. I look the exact same as I did at 202

I can't lift because even 5 pounds is too heavy and I genuinely don't have the strength to even stand long enough, and I'm fatigued in like two seconds. I'm so afraid too because everyone says you have to eat a lot when you're lifting and weight loss stops

Wah. I just wanted to complain. I'm very sad when I thought I would be running around in the summer in skin tight tank tops but instead my body is so buttery I could be spread on toast

All this work...and I'm still a big fatty.

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Slow and steady wins the race
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 1 18:05:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x0587/slow_and_steady_wins_the_race/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Ate 800 calories today and feeling a bit guilty
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Wed Mar 1 17:54:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5x02xl/ate_800_calories_today_and_feeling_a_bit_guilty/
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I usually consume 450 calories a day, but I give myself one day per week where I can consume 800. But I realized that every time I allow myself to consume up to that much, I tend to eat very little the next day. Like I'm thinking about making my goal be 300 Cal tomorrow. Idk. I tend to feel strong when I tell myself I will eat a certain way and stick to it, whether it be eating very little or allowing myself to eat more. The fact that I make up for eating the day after allowing myself to eat more actually shows that I'm letting the other side of my mind win. This might not make sense to anyone but it kind of frustrates me a little.

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[Discussion] Ed Recovery YouTube
/u/geventually
Created: Wed Mar 1 17:02:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wzsl9/ed_recovery_youtube/
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HI okay I'm so fucking obsessed with ed recovery channels and I wanted to share a few. If this is triggering let me know and I'll take it down!

[educating shanny](https://youtu.be/fkJKRphMo28)

[anonymous brahette ](https://youtu.be/dw85sppJgEY)

[recovery flower](https://youtu.be/93SNw0G0qtQ)

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[Rant/Rave] Just need to vent.
/u/Indigobeet [162cm | 62kg | 24.3 | 0 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 16:37:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wznby/just_need_to_vent/
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When your ex gets the hottest gf possible month and a half after breaking up

When she's absolute perfection

When you're hitting school hard and you have nothing to show

When you can't even get a hookup on tinder

When literally nothing is going for you in your life and no one appreciates you because everyone has a life of their own

When your flatmate is dirty af

I don't know whether to not eat until I faint, or to b/p right now.

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[Help] Do y'all think I could get to a size 6 in a month and a half or so? [help]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 1 16:26:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wzl6f/do_yall_think_i_could_get_to_a_size_6_in_a_month/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] maintaining your goal weight
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 1 16:04:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wzgj4/maintaining_your_goal_weight/
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[deleted]

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[Help] How the hell do I kick this plateau in the ass?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 1 16:01:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wzftn/how_the_hell_do_i_kick_this_plateau_in_the_ass/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm suffering on 1300, when did I get this fucking weak?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 15:58:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wzf4g/im_suffering_on_1300_when_did_i_get_this_fucking/
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I know it's hunger hormones, but GODDAMMIT BRAIN???? YOU LITERALLY BINGE ATE 1600 IN ONE SITTING YESTERDAY, YOU THOUGHT THIS WASNT GONNA HAPPEN??? I'm going to sit here for the next 3 hours and wait for my meal :) fuck you stomach. I'm the only one that can feed myself.

Edit: four more minutes and then I've made it :")

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[Rant/Rave] Why do I do this?
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW:190lb | CW:150.1lb | GW:90lb | 27.5/28.4 | -39.9lb]
Created: Wed Mar 1 15:45:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wzcar/why_do_i_do_this/
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I just went on like, a week-long binge. I hadn't been counting calories but just restricting (and choosing veggies over junk etc). But then I went to a competition and road tripped with my dad but I wanted to seem normal to him so I ate all the fast food he did and then I just never got out of that mood. I weighed in today and I gained like 8lbs again ;-; I'm back to counting for now but I can't stop beating myself up; why was I so stupid?!

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[Rant/Rave] Is it possible to live 5 sec. without being reminded i'm a fuckin whale?! [rant]
/u/ultravi0lent [5' | CW: 183 lbs | SW: 211 | obese mess | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 15:28:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wz8rr/is_it_possible_to_live_5_sec_without_being/
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So yesterday I tagged a friend on an article about processed meat (which doesn't contain 100% meat) and made a joke about us being vegetarian. I woke up today with comments from random people: one asking if being vegetarian made me lose weight and another answering "clearly not".

I'm fuckin crying in my bed. It's a fact I'm fat. I'm literally freaking obese and I couldn't be any more disgusted with myself. I wanna self harm and fast and binge and just. I hate myself so much.

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[Rant/Rave] Doctors update (rant/rave)
/u/enfinseul [5'6 | 112.6 | 18.25 | gw👻 | f]
Created: Wed Mar 1 15:21:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wz7c4/doctors_update_rantrave/
---
First off thanks everyone for the advice, I just need to get this out because the past two days have been positively harrowing and difficult as fuck.

The good news is, I weighed in at 121.4 at the office. The bad news is how I had to get there which I will try to relay as entertainingly as possible so this post isn't just a pathetic rant for my own sake. But I'm not funny or witty so, storytime:

Let me preface and say I am not someone who really has periods of bingeing (binging??); I don't like how it feels and I don't like purging and I am much more a strict AN archetype. So yesterday, I was already anxious and depressed the moment I woke up anticipating this moo-day to try to bulk up for this visit. My mom was concerned so she ubered me to her house and shoved a quarter of a vegetable quiche at me so I was like "hey, I was told to salt. This is not sugar so okay," and shoved it down my throat followed by chocolate. She took me to get my nails done, I picked not-black to make her happy because apparently "lightening up" in the form of nail colour directly affects mental health. It still looks black under lowlight, so hah.

When I got back to her house I saw a huge costco-size bag of pretzel chips and at this point I'm again like "oh, salt. Hi impending bloat please help me," and a microwave and chihuahua cheese with some chalula later I was completely past the point of reprieve. Or care. Or no return. All or none.

I got to work, had some Polish jelly donut thing that was entirely all grease that could rival a Krispy Kreme, and at this point I was distended to the point of being pretty much doubled over in discomfort, having to shuffle out every two hours like Quasimodo hoping a cigarette will somehow ease stomach pain (pro tip, it does not). So I ate some chocolate at the end of my shift, you know, a reese's and a funsize kitkat because I deserve it, right? I'm getting tummyswoll, so it's just training or something, right? Surely more food helps when you're already in pain from overeating, non?

I got Ramen as suggested, ate it, and stayed up until 4:50am watching British Baking Show on PBS after eating a stack of water crackers sick to my stomach. Like, couldn't even get up to move to get to bed sick. I skipped taking my laxatives and already could feel gas and food and sadness compounding while I'm sitting on my couch basically Cartman in smugglers den (a reference, for those not perpetually stuck in either 90s or cartoon culture: http://southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com/images/shows/south-park/clip-thumbnails/season-10/1006/south-park-s10e06c09-smugglers-den-16x9.jpg? ) and hoping the next day would end exactly like that episode did (though I don't think laxatives turn shit into fake gold, or real gold, last I checked).

I woke up very late, was waddling around trying to find anything I could to weigh me down whilst realizing I am poor as fuck also what do I have, really, that would make some sort of difference? Layered, leggings under jeans with a belt, 3 shirts and a hoodie I could keep on through BP measurement, heaviest necklace and watch, a fucking laptop charger wrapped around my neck under my scarves, and then I realiced once I should well have been on the metro at this point that oh! I like perfume, and have a lot, and those are heavy! So I grabbed two of the biggest bottles that could feasibly hide in pockets and again waddled out the door, very very very late with one of those diet coke cans that looks like a 40 and a waterbottle that I all somehow managed to finish in the span of my transit.

The metro was slow as fuck, and I got to the appointment so late that I basically had the nurse so pre-distracted by my negligence for basic human courtesy as well as the clock that she weighed me shoes on, layers on, and probably all that pain for nothing. When I got into the exam room I threw the perfume in my bag so my hips weren't mutant geometry, and thus it went off without a hitch, really.

So now, I've shoved laxatives down my throat once more and they sort of started to work through my therapy session and I'm walking around city proper like a black market knockoff perfume vendor (except these are real perfumes tyvm), miserable and bloaty but grateful to all of you and ready to get all of this poison out of my body because I literally feel like an overstuffed balloon ready to pop. Hopefully espresso and cigarettes will make these pills be like "ohai lower digestive tract, we remember you-- here is one more assault that you didn't receive yesterday. Did you miss Daddy? Bow to me." Hopefully.

Needless to say back on track, but I will probably hate the scale for a day or two -- what is the time water weight takes to expel again? I hope you all are having a far more comfortable day than I am -- it's gloomy out here but I like it that way. How is everyone else?

---

[Rant/Rave] kind of furious right now
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 133 | SW: 140 | F/18]
Created: Wed Mar 1 14:43:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wyyoo/kind_of_furious_right_now/
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so my school requires you to go on a retreat and a girl that gave a talk was this soft spoken 23 year old who spoke about having an eating disorder. it was riddled with cliches and she basically said, very simply, it was because she wanted to be pretty like the girls in magazines. cue my eyes rolling. i was so uncomfortable, i was sitting in the front and tried to avoid all eye contact. most of all, i was pissed because this 23 year that is apparently recovered is MUCH, much skinnier than me. I'm so petty.

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What's the most inappropriate/ shameful thing your ED has led you to do ?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 1 14:28:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wyvc1/whats_the_most_inappropriate_shameful_thing_your/
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[removed]

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[Other] 24h fast after huge binge...
/u/Lady_Anarchy [169cm | CW: 54kg | GW: 52kg | BMI: 18.94 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 14:20:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wytfs/24h_fast_after_huge_binge/
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yesterday was my birthday. so I got really high. and I mean, REALLY. and normally I don't get munchies but this time it was insane. I binged, and I binged, and I binged. in paranoia, but also hunger.

I couldn't look at myself today. a year older, and several kilos heavier. so I didn't eat today. anything. I only walked. a lot.

so there's that...

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[Other] Caved and turned on TLC
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 148.2 | -48lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Wed Mar 1 14:19:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wyt9t/caved_and_turned_on_tlc/
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My guilty pleasure. My 600lb Life is on and it's crazy how similar the opposite ends of the spectrum can be. This episode is quite sad and contrary to what my boyfriend thinks I don't hate fat people (I am one????) I was literally obese a month ago.

But anyway it's crazy that this guy said that he's always eating and when he's not, he's thinking about that he's going to eat next. It's literally the same for me, except I don't eat, but I'm always thinking about food. This particular guy was abused and so he ate everything.
For me, I was also, so I ate until I didn't. But it's just so sad seeing it. I know what it's like to have an undying appetite. I just can't let myself have anything.

Idk, I should turn the tv off lol

Edit: phrasing

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[Discussion] Anyone else feel healthier when restricting (even though you know you're absolutely not)?
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Wed Mar 1 14:15:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wysfj/anyone_else_feel_healthier_when_restricting_even/
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I know I'm not. I know doing this, to this extreme, is bad for me and if kept up *will* kill me, or do irreversible damage.. if it hasn't already.

But the last few months when I was eating, I felt rotten in the end. At first I had all this energy, but then a couple of weeks on I just felt bloated, and weighed down, and lethargic. So, so lethargic and tired, and unmotivated.. heavy and like my whole body was 'clogged'. Even without any binges in sight, even when they didn't happen.. eating felt awful, physically (even disregarding emotionally..).

I don't know whether that's because my body was 'recovering' or 're-learning how to deal with food' or whatever, whilst I was eating more? Anyone know anything about how that works?

But either way, getting back to restricting I am slowly feeling better. More energy, not so unmotivated, lessened bloat, not so 'bogged down' and heavy.. clearer, somehow. Dizzy sometimes and lacking as much strength, sure, but overall feeling much better.

Or am I *not* feeling better, it's just that I'm more *used* to this feeling?

Who knows.

Any one else have experiences like this?

---

[Help] Question about oatmeal!
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 13:53:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wynjp/question_about_oatmeal/
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[removed]

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[Help] How/when to use electrolyte tablets?
/u/megamorphaseez
Created: Wed Mar 1 13:51:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wyn4r/howwhen_to_use_electrolyte_tablets/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Is anyone else here in recovery from drugs/alcohol? Need support.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 1 13:23:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wygot/is_anyone_else_here_in_recovery_from_drugsalcohol/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Waiting on the "woosh" - whats your biggest/best woosh stories after a plateau?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 11:45:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wxud1/waiting_on_the_woosh_whats_your_biggestbest_woosh/
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I've been at my new 3 month low for 3 days 156.8 each day and then today only 156.2. I've had a deficit of at least 1000 cal a day minimum and I'm not really seeing the results. Hoping within the next two days it'll happen! (Eating about 800 cal a day and burning off about 300+ cal at the gym daily).

I'd love to hear from others goin through this as it's sort of my first plateau since I've started loosing.

On mobile can't flare. Discussion.

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[Other] [other] Going in to get an official assessment today..
/u/desperate_housecat [5'2" | CW: 116 GW: 109 UGW: 99 | 21.2 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 11:36:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wxscb/other_going_in_to_get_an_official_assessment_today/
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I'm oddly terrified. No matter what they tell me, it won't be good. Either I don't have a disorder and I'm just silly and self-centered, or I do have a disorder that I will then have to deal with.

I wish I wasn't so ambivalent about the idea of getting better..

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[Other] 200 cals a day for a week
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 1 11:22:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wxp60/200_cals_a_day_for_a_week/
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[deleted]

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[Other] Losing weight until I die is the only way to get relief I can control.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 133.5 | 19.7 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 11:05:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wxl2o/losing_weight_until_i_die_is_the_only_way_to_get/
---
My best and only friend is moving far away in a year and a half. For whatever reason, I just now started feeling the overwhelming sadness and hopelessness resulting from that knowledge that the only person with whom I have a good relationship will be gone. I guess I had been suppressing it until now. Sure, we can talk on the phone and Skype and text and whatnot, but it won't be enough at all. I *so desperately need* the face-to-face interaction and physical contact from someone with whom I share a mutual love.

I can't control other people. I can't control whether I can get a job where he lives after he moves. I can't control whether I can find other people I love. *I can only control myself*. So the only way I can control whether or not I get relief is through ending my own life. The **only** other ways I can feel relief from the intense emotional pain I feel every day involve other people. And I can't control others.

My survival instinct is telling me to live. It's telling me to be scared of death. But, when I think of living life without relief or fulfillment, that part of me doesn't have an answer.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm scared of reaching my goals, and still being unhappy.
/u/invisibone [5'5" | CW 118.6 | F |]
Created: Wed Mar 1 11:00:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wxjup/im_scared_of_reaching_my_goals_and_still_being/
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I was so incredibly happy on Saturday when I reached 129.6. Today, only five days later, I am 125.5. I have been intermittently fasting, and staying under 450 in a day, but I have never dropped this quickly. I thought it would continue to be a struggle, and take time, and focus. I wouldn't even believe it if I wasn't a crazy person with two scales.

I couldn't seem to feel the same excitement as Saturday. It was almost a dread of reaching 111 too fast and not having anything to occupy my mind. Or maybe deciding 111 isn't low enough for me.

I'm so unsure of my emotions and what I want or need today. Please discuss and share if you have any similar confusions :/

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[Help] Accidentally passing on unhealthy habits
/u/dyingtobe_thin
Created: Wed Mar 1 10:49:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wxh8r/accidentally_passing_on_unhealthy_habits/
---
Mobile so can't flare, apologies.

I'm starting to worry, I live and work with my Boyfriend and he has started to pick up my calorie counting habits, which in a sense is safe for me because I can keep them low without him raising an eyebrow. But how selfish of me is that! I feel like he's also picked up some body dysmorphia from me too. He's quite muscly because he plays lots of sport but he's 5"8 and a size small in his clothes, yet he's seen the way I measure and examine myself, he has seen how hard I can be on myself and he has started to do the same. I feel awful as once this ED grips you, you're fucked! I'm sure you'd all agree with me that you would not wish these thoughts and these disorders on anybody!

I feel so guilty, he doesn't have an ED but I can see the bad effect my own mental state is having on him. Has anyone else experienced this or do you have any tips of what I can do to reverse this effect I've had on him?

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[Thinspo] Holy moly look at Ariana's throwback!
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 10:39:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wxeyc/holy_moly_look_at_arianas_throwback/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] clothing rules/safe clothes?
/u/typenaz [5'0| lol | -26 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 10:23:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wxbax/clothing_rulessafe_clothes/
---


On mobile so I can't flair, sorry! [discussion]

does anyone have clothing rules or safe clothes or am I just weird???

for example, If I'm going out in public I have to wear a long sleeve shirt at least a size big for me, and it has to go up to my neck, and leggings have to be baggy, and not tight. I have a ton of clothes but I never dress nice& wear the same sweatshirts/leggings/sweatpants, cause they make me feel safe and not huge

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[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] what a good day
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 1 09:48:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wx34u/rantrave_what_a_good_day/
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[deleted]

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[Help] letting ana go book
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 142.4 | 20.7 | GW2 145 | GW3 139]
Created: Wed Mar 1 09:02:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wwsdp/letting_ana_go_book/
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Has anyone read a book similar to letting ana go? I just read it and loved that it was an ED book that also had a little love story. It was a good, easy read. Any other suggestions? I've already gone through the library on this page. If not, what is your favorite ED book?

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Way To Go Wednesday March 1, 2017
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 1 08:28:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wwjvt/way_to_go_wednesday_march_1_2017/
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[deleted]

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Daily Food Diary! March 1, 2017
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 1 08:28:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wwjoj/daily_food_diary_march_1_2017/
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[deleted]

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[SURVEY] rEDdit survey!
/u/allevana
Created: Wed Mar 1 08:28:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wwjmz/survey_reddit_survey/
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[removed]

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Daily Food Diary! February 29, 2017
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 1 08:26:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wwj81/daily_food_diary_february_29_2017/
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[deleted]

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[Help] breakdown
/u/hayley_ [5' 10| 141 | 20.2 | -135 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 08:26:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wwj6i/breakdown/
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[rant/rave]
I am sitting in my car in the parking lot of my university sobbing because I don't have anyone left in my life. I have one friend who actually cares about me and she lives three hours away from me, when I do see her I feel fat and disgusting because she is everything i could ever want to be.
I feel like no guy will ever want to be with me and I spend hours picking myself apart trying to figure out what is so wrong with me. I feel completely helpless and at the risk of sounding over dramatic I just want to end it all so I won't have to keep suffering like this. I am fucking fat and I'm not losing weight because I am pathetic weak ugly mess.
I am scared to go into town alone in case I see one of the people from my old life that tell me to leave them alone.
I hate being recognized, I want to crawl into a hole in the ground with my friends vodka, cocaine, cigarettes, and weed.
I want to stop existing I want to be numb and as small as I can possibly get.
I want people to see me and be scared, I want them to think I'll faint at any moment.
fuck it, I WANT to faint all the time if it means I can be fragile and beautiful.
I hate myself and I hate life and I can't handle this much longer if things don't get better for me, I am going to fail out of school because I can't ever summon the motivation to go to my classes.
I am human garbage please just put me in the dump where I belong, I hate myself.

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[Rant/Rave] I've Always Looked Good In Green
/u/PresentTense549
Created: Wed Mar 1 05:05:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wvb2p/ive_always_looked_good_in_green/
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I'm so sick of food. I don't want to shop for it, I don't want to prepare it, I certainly don't want to eat it, and I don't want to have to wash the dishes afterwards. I feel sick when I eat, I feel sick when I don't eat. It's exhausting.

I would happily spend the rest of my life with green skin if it meant I could photosynthesize like a plant and never have to deal with food again.

On mobile, can't flair: RANT/RAVE

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[Discussion] Reguritation question...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 1 04:14:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wv2mu/reguritation_question/
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I was wondering has anyone else experienced this? I consistently am burping back up food that I have eaten (when I do it) into my mouth and been forced to swallow it. It happens after everything - it's not acidic nor vomit like. It is the food coming right back up without trying. I think it is often called rumination syndrome. I definitely have it and it is gross.

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[Discussion] Lent
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 145lbs | BMI 21.47 |- 19lbs | GW 130lbs | 24F]
Created: Wed Mar 1 00:52:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wu6hw/lent/
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I'm not particularly religious (agnostic) but I always find Lent is a good time for me to reset and break bad habits. For Lent im going to give up pasta and bread, because pasta is my nemesis and bread is dangerous for me (I can't stop!). Hopefully I'll see results by Easter. (I've told my boyfriend not to get me an easter egg but if he wants to get me anything then please get me sunflowers - I know what he's like!)

Anyone else giving something up for Lent ?

Happy Wednesday beautiful people 🌻

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[Other] Check-out worker: wow, you sure like apples, huh?
/u/babylemonadexx [5'7" 🌈 | 110 🍦| 16.7 🍟 | F 🌸]
Created: Wed Mar 1 00:52:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wu6h5/checkout_worker_wow_you_sure_like_apples_huh/
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Inner me: dude, YES. I know these are less than 100 calories each but I always like to round up, just to be safe, you know? Always better to overestimate! Kinda weird how you could apply the same logic to bananas and yet they scare the shit outta me. I know strawberries and grapes are seriously low-cal but I tend to avoid them because I could probably eat about 5 kilos of each. Not so low-cal then. Also, these aren't even my favourite brand of apples so I never really crave them. I just like having at least 5 packs in my room because they're one of my ultimate safe f--

Outer me: haha, yeah they're cool.

*Representative of about 98% of my food-related conversations*

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[Discussion] ED related dreams
/u/AbandonEarth [:'(]
Created: Wed Mar 1 00:49:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wu62s/ed_related_dreams/
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Hey guys, I can’t sleep so I thought I’d tell you about dream I once had.

Strap in for a wild ride.

I was in a grocery store desperately craving mint oreo cookies, but didn’t have any money so I attempted to steal them (completely out of character for me)! An employee caught me trying to stuff the package under my shirt and I ended up running out of the store and into the night.

Now, if I woke up there that would be strange enough, but it gets way crazier. It was dark, raining, and I was devouring them in my car on the side of the road when a police car speeds by, immediately makes a u-turn, and pulls up to me. The officer arrested me not because I stole, which he knew, but because he told me it was illegal to for me to eat. Let me reiterate: not illegal to steal, not illegal for anyone else to eat, but illegal for me specifically to eat. Next thing I remember I was bawling my eyes out in front of a judge admitting to my crimes. I felt so guilty and ended up getting the death penalty while my family looked on disappointingly.

It’s hilarious and absurd to look back on now, but I was so panicked when I woke up haha.

Anyways, do you guys have any eating disorder related dreams? If so what?

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Sad-Bingeing
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'5" | CW fat | -5 | GW 120 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 23:41:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wttyy/sadbingeing/
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On mobile, but help/discussion.

Does anyone else struggle with eating for emotional comfort? How in the ever-loving fuck do you control it, or the absolute emotional turmoil that comes with it?

I had a good day today and a really good week or so, but my depression just got the best of me tonight and I had an awful conversation with my boyfriend. As soon as I got home, I opened the fridge and saw my family had gotten pizza (I don't eat at home). I scarfed down three slices, which is awful in itself because they were pepperoni and I'm vegetarian, chugged down a glass of milk, then cried like an idiot about it five minutes later.

Now not only is my stomach killing me from shoveling so much trash in it, I know I just completely threw away all the progress I've made.

Also tips for throwing up for people without gag reflexes would be welcomed.

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[Discussion] Make the most of March. What are your goals this month?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 22:42:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wtih4/make_the_most_of_march_what_are_your_goals_this/
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Welcome to March. We're now two months into the year (pause for mild horror realization) and I hope everyone is doing well.

I find short term goals work better for me and having small monthly goals that help accomplish that. Easy to focus on goals you can see sooner. Losing 50 pounds can seem daunting, but working on 5 at a time is manageable.

Tell me some of your goals this month.

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[Help] Testosterone for weight loss?
/u/LibraryLuLu [H165 | CW73 | WL69kg | GF66]
Created: Tue Feb 28 21:08:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wszv6/testosterone_for_weight_loss/
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[removed]

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[Help] Is there a way to change the total cals for the day in mfp?
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Tue Feb 28 20:20:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wsqgg/is_there_a_way_to_change_the_total_cals_for_the/
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[removed]

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[Help] Juggling my education and my eating disorder
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 20:17:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wspv6/juggling_my_education_and_my_eating_disorder/
---
I know I am not the only person on this sub who is also in college, so maybe this will resonate with someone or somebody will have some advice as to how to manage.
I am in my senior year of college. Academics have always been my ~thing~ but now, my mental health has deteriorated to the point where I just... can't. I am supposed to be writing not one but TWO senior theses. I literally feel crushed by the weight and pressure of it all.

I feel like I am being crushed under the weight of everything. Like I can't breathe. All I can think about is this stupid fucking disorder. It's just a constant stream of :calories, carbs, sugar, eat less, run more, smaller, smaller, smaller. I am so tired. I don't even think I WANT to be any smaller. I don't even want any of this anymore. I want to graduate college. I want to be normal. I want to eat a meal with my boyfriend without crying in the bathroom.
Anyway, I digress. The point is I am fairly sure this whole thing is going to cost me my education, or at the very least my (formerly 3.9) GPA. Has anyone found a way to juggle this all successfully? Does anyone have tips for how to maintain focus and motivation when you are anxious and depressed and probably slightly malnourished?


Sorry for the long post. I just am really in a bad place and at a loss for somebody to turn too.

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[Discussion] Excersize
/u/borrow_our_light [5'7| 134.4lbs | 21.78 BMI | -27.2lbs | F | GW 115]
Created: Tue Feb 28 19:41:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wsil2/excersize/
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I feel like I get addicted to things very quickly it's just in my nature. I have, since freshman year of college, developed a dependance on alcohol and weed.
About 3 weeks ago me and my bests friend and his girlfriend decided to start going to the gym on Tuesdays and thursdays. That was great and fun, it's a lot of fun to hang around them when there's no food. And then the week after that I went 2 days by myself and 2 days with them. The week following I went five days. And now all I can think about is needed to go everyday.

Does anybody else get obsessive and addicted to things like this?

Sorry on mobile can't flair

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[Rant/Rave] Tried to recover on my own and gained 15 pounds, hate myself (before/after included)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 28 19:25:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wsfdm/tried_to_recover_on_my_own_and_gained_15_pounds/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] My job is killing me!
/u/innervenus
Created: Tue Feb 28 19:14:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wsdfh/my_job_is_killing_me/
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Ok this is my first post and I'm on mobile and I'll probably fuck this up, so sorry if I've done this wrong but anyway... I work in a grocery store and have since the end of December and ever since working there it's been so hard for me not to binge constantly or choose unhealthy options to eat... like if I have a break or something I won't be able to not eat and it's always something unhealthy and fattening like cookies or whatever. The other thing is that everyone else I work with is constantly eating junk also so even when I try to resist for myself, I get offered really fattening food and people notice if I say I'm not hungry all the time? I don't know what to do, I need the job and I like some aspects of it but it's so physically and mentally taxing for me I've gained like 20 pounds and I hate it.... I'm not sure where I'm even going with this, I guess it's like a rant or whatever but if anyone has tips or something I would love to hear them...

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[Help] Any Spring Break Advice?
/u/SusanBAnina [5'7"| CW132.8| GW112 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 19:13:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wsd8w/any_spring_break_advice/
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Long time lurker but this is my first post because I am freaking out! My friends have planned this great spring break road trip which sounds super fun. But, all I can think about is what I'm going to eat. They have planned out all of these restaurants we're going to interspersed with fast food while we're on the road. The worst part is the last day of the trip ends with my first alterations appointment of my wedding dress. None of them know about my ED and I don't want anyone to ask me questions so does anyone have any advice to get them to not question anything. I am so scared about gaining weight on this trip I can't even look forward to it.

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[Help] What are the truly calorie free sweeteners??
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 28 18:38:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ws6bm/what_are_the_truly_calorie_free_sweeteners/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] I lasted two days
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 28 17:46:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wrvk1/i_lasted_two_days/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Eating back exercise calories?
/u/amberinthewoods [5'2.5" | 120.4 | 22.36 | -50 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 17:33:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wrsmw/eating_back_exercise_calories/
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I'm sorry, I'm on mobile so I can't flair! I was wondering what everyone's thoughts were on eating back exercise calories? I enjoy running, but it is so exhausting and I can never get past like 1.5 miles when I'm eating 800cal/day because I just get knocked on my ass. But, I'm always afraid to eat MORE because, like, what if I can't make it to the gym? Or, what if I'm not calculating what I burned correctly? Do I give up a healthy activity I enjoy because I can't properly gauge what my intake and output are? What do you guys do?

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[Other] I just got challenged to eat a pound of meat by my boyfriend [other]
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 17:19:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wrp87/i_just_got_challenged_to_eat_a_pound_of_meat_by/
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No flair mobile

So my boyfriend and I got barbecue and he said he bet I couldn't eat a pound of brisket. LOLOLOL bitch I've eaten that and far more on an AVERAGE binge. Gonna save up all my cals and destroy that meat. I should put some money on the bet because there is no chance he's winning this one

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[Discussion] How the hell do people lose 2lbs a week without restricting?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 28 16:33:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wrdaz/how_the_hell_do_people_lose_2lbs_a_week_without/
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[deleted]

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[Other] School lunches are the worst
/u/carb-footprint
Created: Tue Feb 28 16:02:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wr59t/school_lunches_are_the_worst/
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The past few days I've been not eating all morning then binging later in the day. I can go a while without eating, but it seems that (if I'm not perfectly happy and content with my life at a given point in time) once I start eating, it's very hard to stop.

Today I didn't eat until lunch time, but then once I got to the cafeteria, I binge ate. Not as badly as I usually would, but ingesting at least 1700 calories' worth of food within maybe twenty minutes is still not exactly something I'm happy about. The worst part is (well, second worst part) this was around my friends, too! I hate myself for being such an impulsive glutton. I think the actual worst part was that after I got back to class, I asked to be excused to go to the washroom (to purge, but I didn't tell anyone that for obvious reasons). When I try to make myself throw up, though, I'm really loud, so I had to stop before I could really get anything up because in a school bathroom there's hardly any privacy and I didn't want anyone to hear. So of course, once I get back to class, my breath smells horrible both cause of what I ate and the stuff I ate coming back up, and I'm just kind of a mess, I guess. I'm about ready to give up on eating lunch at school just in general cause I don't seem to be able to handle not eating an absurd amount and embarassing myself, then hating myself cause I slipped up. *Sigh*

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[Help] Help a homie out
/u/pencilwonder [175cm | why | NB]
Created: Tue Feb 28 14:11:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wqf03/help_a_homie_out/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] How is this happening? ugh [Rant]
/u/rizzie_ [5'2F CW:136.8 GW:110]
Created: Tue Feb 28 14:05:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wqdxh/how_is_this_happening_ugh_rant/
---
For those of you on mobile -- I'm 5'2. Was 135.6 on 2/23.

So for the past 2 weeks, I've been good. Eating DEFINITELY less than 1000cal each day, usually less than 700. And I started running, usually a little over 2 miles each day. And I did my best to hit at least 5mi//10,000 steps total according to my fitbit.

Then my family visited me (I'm in college) for one day, on Saturday. And I binged so bad. Probably hit 2000cal, and if I went over even that I wouldn't be surprised.

I knew that it was just one bad day, though, so I got back on track. Continued with my running and active walking, continued to eat less (although as I exercise more, I eat more, I still don't go above 1000).

And I didn't weigh myself until today, Tuesday, because I wanted to make sure the binge was out of me and I wasn't holding onto the water. And what happened?

**I STILL GAINED.** Now I'm up 1.2lbs, to 136.8! Are you fucking kidding me? How is this thermodynamically possible? I literally MUST have lost weight over the course of the last week--could I have actually gained that AND an extra POUND because of one bad day??

I'm so furious! I have a really ambitious goal (lose 25 lbs in 8 weeks), so I can't afford shit like this. I can't. I can't fucking believe this.

Is it possible this is water weight? From the binge or from beginning to exercise? Does anyone have any knowledge they can impart on me so that I can feel better? Is there any way this is a mistake??

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[Rant/Rave] Update: Compromise between ED and fitness
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 28 14:05:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wqdu6/update_compromise_between_ed_and_fitness/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Purgers: how are your teeth
/u/popcornerz
Created: Tue Feb 28 13:37:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wq8zg/purgers_how_are_your_teeth/
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I'm a daily purger 1-3 times a day for 3 years. I just went to the dentist this morning and they were raving about my beautiful teeth. I did have one cavity (have had maybe 3 my whole life) but they blamed the shape of my tooth (deep fissures) are more prone to getting cavities because they're harder to clean. It scares me each time to go to the dentist but I'm just wondering if anyone ever been called out by the dentist or alerted their parents?

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[Help] Just got on birth control, a little nervous and I need some advice.
/u/tryingthen [5'4" | 124 | 21.3 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 13:26:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wq772/just_got_on_birth_control_a_little_nervous_and_i/
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Sorry mods, I'm on mobile.

So this morning I got the little birth control arm rod injected into my arm! I'm excited because yay no periods WOO.
But. I'm also nervous because whenever I talk to other women about birth control they all admit to gaining weight while on it.

What are your experiences with birth control?
Is weight gain inevitable?

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[Discussion] Coconut oil fast; can't flair (discussion)
/u/honeybrownbunny
Created: Tue Feb 28 13:25:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wq6z0/coconut_oil_fast_cant_flair_discussion/
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[removed]

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[Help] What do I say to housemates who keep commenting on my calorie counting????
/u/Clarl020
Created: Tue Feb 28 12:55:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wq23n/what_do_i_say_to_housemates_who_keep_commenting/
---
Hi all!! This is my first post here after being a long term lurker. Thank you for all your posts so far, they're making me feel so much better and it's so comforting to know there's others like me 😊

I count my calories everyday, so that I don't go over my limit. Recently my housemates have started commenting on this and making me feel really uncomfortable as it puts me in a place where I don't know what to say back. Yesterday one of them asked "are you REALLY weighing vegetables?" and today one said "you don't need to do that. You're not exactly what I'd call big...".

What do I say back to this? How do I get them to stop commenting on the fact that I'm counting calories? They always push me to eat and I can never really say no (about an hour ago they made me eat a slice of chocolate cake - 428 calories!!! - so now I'm severely over my days limit and feeling really upset 😩). I know they mean no harm and they just want to make sure I'm okay, but them commenting makes me feel so self conscious and uncomfortable as I feel it puts my ED in the spotlight. They don't know I have an ED but they're all aware that I'm very fussy with food and count every single calorie I eat.

Thank you so much for your help and I promise I'll start posting here more often!!! 🙂

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[Rant/Rave] Triggered. Literally.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Tue Feb 28 11:58:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wpspa/triggered_literally/
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Okay so ive had my mom on facebook as a way to communicate since i left home a year ago. Bored, i went through her pictures. And guess what i see? Pictures of me before i was weight restored. Can you say "kill me"? One of them really stood out. Mostly because my legs in this picture were so thin. And long looking. (I'm 5'4) i didn't realize I'd gotten that thin bc when i was that size, i felt so fat. Now, about 50 pounds later, i understand what fat is and i NEED to get back to that size. I can't even fit the pants i was wearing in that picture. Ughhhhhh.

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[Rant/Rave] Running / hemp / involuntary purging
/u/eatlilbird [5'3" | 96.8lb | 17.1 (17.6 new) | -51.2lb | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 11:00:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wpixe/running_hemp_involuntary_purging/
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What the hell?? I just threw up my breakfast, not on purpose.

Had some tummy pain this morning but I pooped and did yoga and I thought it was better. I was gonna run today.

Tried my new pre run breakie with added hemp for day 1 of increased intake plan. Only difference was 2 tsp of hemp, about 50 cal more than normal breakie. Felt a little tingly in my mouth, like a real mild allergic reaction (never tried hemp before)

Then about half hour later, tummy felt weird. Very nauseous. Sat on the toilet, thought I had to go. Came out both ends. Sorry, tmi. I usually have a really hard time and I rarely puke but it all just came up.

Not sure what to do now. Was it the hemp or am I just coming down with something? I wanted to run today, gawdamn. Do I eat again? Skip the run? Son of a bitch. What should I do? Sorry, can't flair on mobile

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[Discussion] What's your aesthetic?
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Tue Feb 28 09:58:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wp5gv/whats_your_aesthetic/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] DAE not believe they lost weight?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 09:16:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wovqx/dae_not_believe_they_lost_weight/
---
I hit my highest weight on new years (with a lot of food in my stomach and a lot of water weight) and since then am down 13.2lbs but mentally I feel like I haven't lost it. Like that's just all water or food weight and could be back tomorrow. I know that's impossible and I'm fitting into smaller clothes and have lost an inch off my waist but it's messing me up. Could this be a part of my EDNOS?

On mobile can't flare.

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[Goal] Hit my first goal, immediately set a new one
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 08:44:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wootr/hit_my_first_goal_immediately_set_a_new_one/
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So I finally hit my 30 pound goal after fighting with the last 3 pounds for 2 weeks. Instead of celebrating I set a new goal of another 20 pounds. I've also decided that I'm not cutting my hair until I can maintain the 50 total loss for at least 6 months. (My hair is super thick and heavy so I figure it should be a good reminder)

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[Discussion] Do you guys think bread is worth it?
/u/climbupme
Created: Tue Feb 28 08:20:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wojqd/do_you_guys_think_bread_is_worth_it/
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I just want your opinions! With bread I don't mean like super dark rye bread, but pretty standard white bread, maybe light brown bread with a few seeds. The kind that most people (that aren't health conscious) would buy. Is it worth the calories for you? If you were to choose between eating the same amount of calories fruit, oatmeal and bread, which one do you think is more satisfying??

I really love bread but I feel like there are other stuff I can eat to keep me fuller and not binge on. Is bread empty carbs, not satisfying?? Well in your personal opinion!

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[Rant/Rave] Had a long weekend of binge drinking, woke up 9lbs heavier WTF????
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -52lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Tue Feb 28 07:56:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5woesh/had_a_long_weekend_of_binge_drinking_woke_up_9lbs/
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So a series of parties, celebrations and one very cute guy friend in town caused me to basically lose all sense of control and drink myself into a stupor from Thursday into yesterday. It was mostly like, beer, which is really horrible. But seriously, almost a 10lb increase on the scale? I want to drop dead. How could I be so stupid and careless and STUPID?? All of my hard work is gone over what amounts to a very long weekend. Now I'm spazzing and trying to plan my next few weeks to get back on track.

I hate this! My brain doesn't know how to have anything in moderation anymore.

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[Other] Happy surprise
/u/kafka__dreams
Created: Tue Feb 28 07:51:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wodt4/happy_surprise/
---
I had to get a blood test in December and the results were... not good. And my doctor wanted a follow up. So I did not weigh myself for the whe month. I didn't go on here, I ate normally, and my second test had great results! But I was so scared to see how much I gained. So it took me until last week to weigh myself for the first time since december. Aaaaaand I was 120! Which is the highest weight I am comfortable with! Now I can focus on losing again ❤

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[Goal] Taking control of that "gaining and losing the same ten pounds" loop
/u/notyourtoy [5'8" | 126 lbs | 18.95 BMI | -37 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 07:04:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wo51y/taking_control_of_that_gaining_and_losing_the/
---
Hello lovelies. It's been a while. <3

I work in a gym. Lately I've been dealing with my ED by lifting the heaviest weights I can and pouring all my energy into the numbers on the plates instead of the ones on the scale. So I've been quiet in this place because I feel like what I'm doing wouldn't help most of you.

Of course we all know those scale numbers are still buzzing around in my head though. So I decided to gain ten pounds. On purpose. It was scary and awful but I did it. It took 5 months, my lifts got bigger, I got stronger, and I gained 10 pounds. Then I decided to lose them again. In the fitness world they call this "bulking and cutting."

I've already lost a pound, three days after deciding to, and this makes me feel so powerful. More than just losing, choosing to gain and lose at will is giving me the biggest ED high I've ever had. I feel godlike in my control over my own body. Such a rush!

Plus this system of gaining weight while lifting heavy and then losing it again is recomping my body in a really exciting way. My tummy is getting tight and flat, my arms are toned, my legs almost actually look good for the first time in my life and I'm starting to be a cutie with a booty!

Muscle burns more calories than fat does at rest, so I am losing weight at 1600 calories this time where last winter I had to restrict to 700 to lose anything. So that's also fun.

AND muscle doesn't jiggle.

I highly recommend the bulk/cut cycle for anyone who wants to take even more control. I'll probably spiral into insanity again soon because well, it's me, haha. But for now this is very exciting.

---

[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A February 28, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Feb 28 05:15:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wnnfk/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_february_28_2017/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 28, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Feb 28 05:15:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wnnf6/daily_food_diary_february_28_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 28, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Stupid brain
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 05:11:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wnmq0/stupid_brain/
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My boyfriend's out of town for work and I suddenly have less than zero desire to eat. All I want to do is drink black coffee and shrink and shrink and shrink. Lol @ me attempting to be normal.

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[Rant/Rave] Welp, Tums seem to be magnificent.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [28/F | SW: 105kg | CW: 51kg | GW 1: 45kg ( UGW: 39.9kg )]
Created: Tue Feb 28 04:39:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wnim4/welp_tums_seem_to_be_magnificent/
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I woke up too early this morning hungry as hell, and decided to eat something so I could get back to sleep and not feel bingey today. Did that, felt confident, went back to sleep.

I woke up proper this morning and I was okay for a while, but then my stomach was raging. It had food but now wanted more. I was craving, *and* hungry, *and* had the worst hunger pains. This is a killer combination for me, the gnawing hunger feeling being the cherry on top and usually leads to binge outs...

I remembered the Tums I bought the other day and thought they were worth a go.. half an hour later, relief! I'm still craving and technically hungry, but I can deal with that. It's the gnawing feeling that's gone, the feeling in my stomach that makes me double over and obsess over filling it just to get it to *stop*. The 'cherry on top' feeling that always makes me give in...

Gone. One 10kcal Tum. It's gone. It makes sense, since apparently that gnawing feeling is due to acid production when you're ready for food.. It hasn't killed hunger or cravings, but I'm not doubled up with the gnawing. It.. it works? Or is it psychological?

I don't care though, who knows, it's gone! I hope they have this effect on me every time... I'll make sure to not over do them so I don't get used to them, or fuck my system up.

Plus it was quite tasty.

I am excited about discovering this use of Tums.

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[Rant/Rave] "Your scrubs are getting tighter"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 28 03:16:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wn8d7/your_scrubs_are_getting_tighter/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] vyvanse
/u/jrste310 [5 ft | 106 lb | 21.34 | -21.5| Female]
Created: Tue Feb 28 02:49:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wn53q/vyvanse/
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so i started it to help control binging (prescribed for this reason). day 1-3 worked amazing with awful headache. Day 4 no headache but fuck food looked good again.
has anyone else used this to control eating and do you get used to it/ have variations by day etc? what have your experiences been

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[Discussion] do you ever feel scared of breaking the fast?
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|GW:120 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 28 00:37:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wmpvm/do_you_ever_feel_scared_of_breaking_the_fast/
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like obviously i would rather not have to eat but I know that i need to. i have currently been fasting for 24 hours and even though i feel slightly hungry, i feel more terrified about bingeing if i break the fast. even if i plan a light 100 calorie meal, i feel like once i eat, the flood gates will open and i will just be continuously hungry. i dont really know how to explain it but its like a catch 22: break the fast and risk bingeing or dont and risk passing out. 24 hours isnt very long but 48..72..96...

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[Rant/Rave] When the boyfriend is away...
/u/beargoesrawrr
Created: Mon Feb 27 23:40:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wmibj/when_the_boyfriend_is_away/
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The ED will play.

He has his kids for strange stretches of time and some other stuff like business trips this month, so I won't see him as much.

Back to restricting and maybe some laxative purging tomorrow. Being a part-time girlfriend can be a double edged sword.

New account because he knows my old username.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm over having to pick out food every single damn day.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 23:08:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wmdv2/im_over_having_to_pick_out_food_every_single_damn/
---
I can't keep too much food in my apartment because I'll eat it. I will overeat and b/p everything, healthy or not. But going to the market to get food for the day is stressful as well because I'm surrounded by too much food.

I want to just eat the same food every day and never think about it. I hate food and I love food. It's just exhausting.

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[Discussion] Looking for people to follow on Pinterest
/u/ultravi0lent [5' | CW: 194 lbs | SW: 211 | obese mess | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 22:55:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wmb89/looking_for_people_to_follow_on_pinterest/
---
Hi!
I was wondering if some of you had Pinterest boards for your low-cal recipes. If so, it would like to follow you! Searching ''low-calorie meals'' gets old quick... So, if you want, it would be very kind of you to leave me your username so I can follow you :D

Note that I'm exclusively looking for food-related content! Thinspo and such don't interest me - I'm currently (literally) obese and seeing very skinny girls simply discourage me :-(

Thanks!! xx

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[Help] Self sabotaged, feeling low, don't want to get out of bed
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 145lbs | BMI 21.47 |- 19lbs | GW 130lbs | 24F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 22:44:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wm9j8/self_sabotaged_feeling_low_dont_want_to_get_out/
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It's 5:41 in England and I fell asleep at 11. I'm working myself up to shower and go to the gym.

I came back from work at 10pm last night and for some reason had dinner even though I wasn't hungry. I'm so disappointed in myself because I didn't just have something like soup. Oh no, I had chips, beans, veggie sausages and mayo.

I was doing so well.

Weighed myself and up 2lbs. Realistically I know I can't gain 2lbs of fat in a night but it's so disheartening to see the scale move the wrong way.

Anyone have any tips on how to move forward and show the scale who's boss?

(also: side note, much prefer it on here than loseit - do not feel welcome there AT ALL.)

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[Rant/Rave] My fast will be ruined
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 27 22:31:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wm7es/my_fast_will_be_ruined/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I may have ruined tomorrow, in need of advice.
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Mon Feb 27 22:17:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wm54b/i_may_have_ruined_tomorrow_in_need_of_advice/
---
Whelp. I ate a decent amount of skinny pop, spinach, and salmon for dinner. It's 9:16 pm. I was planning on fasting. I hit my lowest weight so far this morning. How the hell am I going to make sure I'm not bloated or weighed down tomorrow too much. Even tmi suggestions?

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[Discussion] DAE find themselves more attracted to overweight/soft people?
/u/salviaplath_13 [5'1 | CW: 108 | 20.8 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 21:42:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wlzgz/dae_find_themselves_more_attracted_to/
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Does anyone else prefer to date guys/girls who are overweight, or maybe a little fluffy? Sorry if this is a weird question. A lot of my friends are really into fit guys, but I've never had much attraction towards that look. I had only dated guys who are super skinny until last year. (Always looked skinnier than me, haha). A year ago, I met this guy when I was close to my GW but still felt really self conscious without clothes. This dude was not overweight by more than 15-20 lbs, but was soft & had a tummy. It never bothered me, I actually liked his body type. But he was always really hesitant to take his shirt off, and I never saw him without pants on (he even wore jeans to sleep...) I guess his self-consciousness about his body was comforting in a way, because I knew I wasn't the only one struggling to be naked. We never talked about it though (God forbid I tell someone IRL). Since that ended, I dated a skinny guy again, and it just wasn't the same level of physical attraction ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯

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[Rant/Rave] Well, fuck.
/u/tinybundleofsticks [5'6 | 82.8 | 13.4 | M]
Created: Mon Feb 27 21:33:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wlxyv/well_fuck/
---
"I want to get better!" "I'm so sick of being sick!"

*eats less than 1600 calories a day, despite the dietitian recommending 2400~2800 and needing 3000~3700 in treatment to gain*

My weight was down 2 pounds this week from last week; 82.8.

I feel ... really bad. Tired, weak, exhausted from doing the most basic, everyday things. I used to go for walks, now I can barely do a 10 minute walk around the block without getting winded, even the thought of the effort it takes to get my boots, coat, scarf on and get outside is too much.

Mentally, I'm foggy as fuck. My memory is gone, any task requiring significant brain power sends me to tears, and even interacting with other people is more difficult than usual. I barely made it 2 hours into a 4 hour shift at work (part time at Starbucks) on Thursday and I had to leave the floor early.

I've had 3 days off work to rest, but I don't feel any better, and that's frustrating. I know I'm still not eating enough, not enough to gain, not even enough to maintain, and regardless of doing very little activity/sitting on my skinny ass all day, I ... I don't even know, to be honest. It's like I'm behind a glass wall, perfectly able to see what's happening, but unable to do anything about it.

Sorry for the rant, guys. Just needed somewhere to get this out.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] Why do I do this
/u/midnightboke [170cm | CW67kg | GW50kg | -28kg | 28F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 21:19:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wlvbd/rant_why_do_i_do_this/
---
So I'm currently stressing like shit over the imbalance of work/studying/life/being a fat fuck and I'm awake at 0415 - spoiler - I never fucking slept in the first place. Went on a trip with my bf over the weekend and ate like a pig the entire time, I don't think I've gained anything other than a load of water weight but I feel so bloated and useless.

Went to bed at normal time and just stared at the damn ceiling til I got fed up and came downstairs. So naturally how do I cope? I spend about 3 hours researching how to buy illegal shit online and end up downloading Tor, getting bitcoins, and buying some fucking diet pill shit off AlphaBay. I just spent £50 on pills.

And now I'm googling like mad to read every review, every side effect, and what dosage I can get away with before my heart explodes. Sigh.

---

[Thinspo] Daily thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Feb 27 20:06:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wli7q/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/fiwqpejfliiy.jpg

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[Discussion] No one knows about my ED, and I like it.
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 146.1 | 21.1 | GW1 149 | GW2 145]
Created: Mon Feb 27 19:54:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wlg0m/no_one_knows_about_my_ed_and_i_like_it/
---
Its funny to me that no one in my life knows about my ED. I've had it for years... was a bad bulimic for 2 years and now am EDNOS/restricting type. I've even been diagnosed by a psychologist and psychiatrist. I feel bad... like I'm lying to my BF. sometimes I want to brag to my friends... like I haven't eaten today or I threw up dessert in the shower, but I know they'll just think I'm crazy. I don't know why I am proud of myself when I engage in ED behaviors, especially purging... I know it isn't good for me. but in the end, its my little secret, the only thing I have in life for myself. a guilty, selfish pleasure.

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[Rant/Rave] I stopped weighing myself everyday
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | F | GW:115 | -17 | BMI 23.8]
Created: Mon Feb 27 19:08:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wl73f/i_stopped_weighing_myself_everyday/
---
And I'm actually happier!! I don't spend the entire day obsessing over calories and this and that. One number doesn't cause my whole day to either be great or be shitty. I didn't weigh myself for over a week and discovered I had lost 4 pounds. I never thought I would get here but here I am!!

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[Discussion] DAE think people are thinner than them, even if they're a LOT heavier
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 18:49:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wl3dd/dae_think_people_are_thinner_than_them_even_if/
---
I was watching recovery flower and I remember wondering if she was thinner than me(because I'm a terrible person, that's why) I couldn't find her stats until a bit longer into the series and I was shocked. In my mind, we look about the same, but she's got a BMI of about 23 while I've got mine at 19ish. It really fucked me up. Is this part of body dysmorphia?

(btw, I love Recovery Flower and I think she's gorgeous, so no hate on her whatsoever)

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] The post-purge "Where is that Vomit Smell Coming From?" game
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 27 18:32:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wl018/the_postpurge_where_is_that_vomit_smell_coming/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 27 18:25:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wkyni/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/onu0ye3c3iiy.jpg

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[Discussion] abc diet???
/u/puddleclub [5'8" | cw: 180.8 | gw: 130 | bmi: 27.07 | -6.9 | f]
Created: Mon Feb 27 18:20:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wkxkq/abc_diet/
---
[removed]

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[Other] I just ate a pound of brussel sprouts.
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 18:08:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wkvb9/i_just_ate_a_pound_of_brussel_sprouts/
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I love veggie binges. I'm still sub 900 for the day. Ahhhh im happy!!! And full lol.

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[Rant/Rave] Ironically my biggest trigger
/u/prettyybabyyprincess
Created: Mon Feb 27 18:06:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wkuxz/ironically_my_biggest_trigger/
---
On mobile, flair as rant/rave

My biggest trigger is adding my current stats/ seeing other people's.... I know that's like so against what this community is about but something about it makes me jump outta my skin with anxiety

I hate that I feel this way because I know it's a way to make things supportive.. but I can't help but feel this way 😖

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[Discussion] Calorie Apps
/u/witchy2628 [5'3 | 155lbs | 27 | -35 | f]
Created: Mon Feb 27 18:04:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wkunl/calorie_apps/
---
Does anyone else have like 4 calorie counting apps? I use them all every single time I eat, and I obsessively update my weight every day, in all of them. It's like all I do and I'm starting to get annoyed with myself but I feel like one isn't accurate enough, I need to see what they ALL say the calories in something is, and I take the highest possible one just in case. Edit: sorry on mobile can't flair

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 27 18:04:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wkukt/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/5jo5wh7lzhiy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Finally back on track (hopefully)!!
/u/spookyoneoverthere [5'7" | 147.8 | 23.07 | -41 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 17:35:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wkopu/finally_back_on_track_hopefully/
---
This is my first time posting, so hi! Everyone here seems so friendly and helpful, and offers so much support. I actually feel comfortable posting here:)

These past couple month or so has been so bad eating-wise. I'm an awful binger and haven't had the willpower to stop it for awhile due to school, relationships, anxiety, all the usual stuff. But hopefully that's all done with, and I can do better and regain control. I've stocked up on my safe foods and bought some primatene and caffeine pills, restocked my vitamins, and plan to limit myself to 800 cals every day this week, and 600 after that. If I go lower I have trouble staying in control:/ Wish me luck, and the best of luck to you lovely people<3

---

[Tip] Birds eye pasta and veggie microwavable meals!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 27 17:03:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wki0x/birds_eye_pasta_and_veggie_microwavable_meals/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Rant! - Water Weight
/u/TinyandLost [5'6 | Gross | OV | -13lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 15:53:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wk373/rant_water_weight/
---
I know it's not possible for me to have gained 5lbs in a day, but water weight is horrific!

I've drunk just shy of 3 litres today and 2 litres of that has been within the last three hours but that's not the point. There's no way that 2 litres is 5lbs! What the hell!!?

Okay- rant over

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[Other] National Eating Disorder Awareness Week
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 15:09:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wjtgm/national_eating_disorder_awareness_week/
---
I just learned it's from 26 Feb - 04 Mar

I wish I could do something to celebrate or spread the word around my workplace but alas, I'll risk being found out. (-':

I hope everyone is just a little more lenient and kind to themselves this week. If anyone here ever needs anything or anyone to chat with or listen, I'm always available.

Please stay safe this week (and always!). I know it's cheesy and cliche, but you're more than just a number. (-:

---

[Rant/Rave] How I didn't binge at 3 am (also raw cookie dough sub)
/u/theobeseana
Created: Mon Feb 27 14:48:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wjok2/how_i_didnt_binge_at_3_am_also_raw_cookie_dough/
---
On mobile, can't flair, rant/rave

So I woke up last night with hunger pains after fasting for the whole day except a bite of microwaved cookie dough with a friend who seemed to be testing if I would eat it. I knew I wanted more of it and nothing else would satisfy me. I laid in bed for at least an hour and couldn't sleep. I walked to the kitchen, drank water, went to the bathroom, and still couldn't rest my mind.

Then I had an idea. I got on MFP and logged what I would substitute that cookie dough for in the morning for breakfast and made up a recipe that would taste delicious and not be too many cals. As soon as I figured out what I was going to eat and pre-logged it I fell immediately asleep. I'm going to start doing this when I'm up in the night from now on.

Also, my solution:

1/4 cup cooked steel cut oats (1/8 uncooked)
1tsp brown sugar
1tsp peanut butter
1 tablespoon Greek yogurt
Wanted to add chocolate chips but there weren't any :(
120 cals

Literally tasted exactly like the cookie dough did. So so so yummy, might be a new breakfast staple.

---

[Intro] I'm done lurking! Silly long introduction + a few questions I'd like to ask...
/u/HighEmma
Created: Mon Feb 27 14:34:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wjl6r/im_done_lurking_silly_long_introduction_a_few/
---
(Sorry for no flair, I'm on mobile!)

Hello everyone! First of all I just want to say that this sub is awesome. I've never admitted to having an ED, not even to myself, because I always end up OVER eating and I've been in the mindset that to have an eating disorder, it's all about never eating/purging your food and being perfectly thin all the time. I'm sure you've heard that before... But even now I feel pretentious by claiming that I have an eating disorder. I'm sorry if that's rude. :(

A little backstory I guess? First time I remember worrying about my weight was in middle school. I straight up stopped eating for over a week because my mom told me I looked fat in the face, and I kind of fell in love with the idea of being super model thin. The feelings subsided for a while though and I put a few pounds back on. In high school I developed crazy anxiety over my calorie intake and just told people I was fasting for religion (I'm atheist!) but it always ended a few days too soon because I would break down and binge eat until I hurt. Then I had a crazy "health" kick where I exercised so much & ate so little that I lost ~15 lbs in a month. I reached my lowest weight then, 128 lbs at 5' 7".

Then I came to college, and hooo boy, it's been a shameful couple of years. I'm now at my heaviest weight, 165 lbs. Every few weeks I freak out and tell myself how disgusting my body has become. I really am ashamed of it... I don't even like taking my shirt off in front of my boyfriend anymore. I don't know if I have a pseudo-addiction to junk food or if it's really just horrible self control, but nowadays it seems like I am the opposite of anorexic. Constant binge eating, with bursts of extreme restricting, and a shit ton of self esteem issues and guilt.

And this sub has helped me, a lot. I wouldn't exactly say I'm PRO eating disorders, like I don't go around telling friends to stop eating, but it is comforting to know that it isn't just this straight cut line of "you have to always starve yourself." Everyone struggles and lives with it in different ways. I hope I'm not offending anyone by saying that!

Anyways, please excuse my tangents. I tend to go on forever if you'll let me.

My name is Emma/Em. I am 21 years old, 165 lbs, and 5'7". My goal weight is 130 lbs. After lots of lurking in this sub, I've learned quite a few things about how to "live" with an eating disorder or whatever my over-eating anxiety may be. To be honest, you wonderful bunch have helped me overcome the urge to binge eat many times. You're all beautiful people and I hope I can be an active, welcomed member of this community! 😁

Also, I do have a couple questions if anyone would be kind enough to answer for me.

I made the decision today to (cautiously) try ephedrine & caffeine to help suppress my appetite and give my energy a little boost. I did a few days worth of research and thinking about it but actually went out and bought some Bronkaid + a zero calorie energy drink. I don't drink coffee very often, so I'd say my caffeine tolerance is about average. I guess my question is to those who have tried this, was it worth it? Do I need the caffeine to make the ephedrine really do its job? Finally, would cigarettes/nicotine be a bad idea specifically while taking EC? I know smoking is bad for you, I really do know, but right now it's the only thing I can do to help suppress my appetite.

I am taking it very slowly, just one pill and less than half an energy drink for now. I am hoping that it helps me quit binging so much, as well as make restricting easier.

Again, thank you all for being so awesome and kind to each other. It gives me peace of mind to know that I have somewhere to talk about this subject freely. And I'm sorry I ramble so much! ❤

---

[Thinspo] thinspo album: cali beach girl (nsfw, bikinis)
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 144.8 | 20.6 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 14:08:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wjf5r/thinspo_album_cali_beach_girl_nsfw_bikinis/
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http://imgur.com/a/NrGFl

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[Tip] Sugar free syrups are a gift from God (recipes included)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 27 13:47:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wjaeu/sugar_free_syrups_are_a_gift_from_god_recipes/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Eating because its 'time' rather than being hungry
/u/Raspberry_Pancake [164cm | 68kg | FAT | 5lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 13:36:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wj7w9/eating_because_its_time_rather_than_being_hungry/
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It's 8pm and I haven't eaten anything today aside from one mini-croissant. My body is telling me 'you have to eat, you have to eat' simply because of the time. It's such a strong compulsion. I'm not hungry, yet all my mind can think of right now is "you normally eat at 6pm, you should start cooking soon". I can't take my mind off it.

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[Discussion] Does anyone else try to weigh as LITTLE as possible for weigh-ins?
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 114 | HW 180 | LW 107 | 29 F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 12:58:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wiz5z/does_anyone_else_try_to_weigh_as_little_as/
---
You hear stories all the time about EDO patients who put stuff in their pockets or taped things in their shirt or whatever to get themselves to weigh more.

Does anyone do the opposite? Like I have intentionally eaten less and had little fluid beforehand so I'd weigh less, or I've even used laxatives the day beforehand.

It's particularly puzzling given that I DESPERATELY want to avoid being put back in the hospital. Part of me thinks I want validation that I really am sick, but I think even more than that, I don't want anyone (even the doctor) seeing that I've gained weight.

So basically I both want to weigh very little (and have my doctor know that), but NOT have him put me in the hospital even if I weigh little enough to. Not a combination that lasts long.

Am I the only one?

---

[Discussion] What's your medication/vitamin/supplement routine?
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105.2 | GW 95]
Created: Mon Feb 27 12:57:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wiywf/whats_your_medicationvitaminsupplement_routine/
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I feel like I take so many OTC meds but I just LOVE going through the routine of it. It's weirdly calming. I have them all organized in a special drawer. I'm really interested to hear what you guys are taking/whether you have a routine as well.

Morning with a pitcher of water:

* Bronkaid
* Caffeine tablet 100mg
* Aspirin
* Zyrtec
* Fiber well fit gummies
* Birth control

Lunchtime: more bronkaid/caffeine

Nighttime with chamomile tea:

* Prozac
* Vitamin D
* Women's multi gummy vite
* Melatonin gummy vite

I don't even care about the gummy calories because they feel like breakfast/dessert except completely not bingeable due to the health hazards.

From time to time I also take bendadryl for sleep, laxatives, probiotics, tums (post purge), midol (for diuretic), gasx if I had too much sugar free stuff lol

Always looking for new medicine/vitamin suggestions!

---

New here
/u/theobeseana
Created: Mon Feb 27 12:48:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wiwv8/new_here/
---
On mobile, can't flair but discussion I think?

Hi everyone, I've been lurking and commenting under a different username for quite a while and finally made a new account that my SO doesn't know about. I've had an ED since 8th grade when I dropped from 145 pounds to 120 pounds in one summer (I'm 5'8"). I gradually packed the pounds back on and have been restricting then binging ever since. I've always counted calories to lose the weight, and then people would notice that I wasn't eating and I'd stop counting and gain it back. Spring of my first year of college I reached my HW of 206 pounds and decided over the summer I'd make a change. I was down to 175 when this school year started, and first semester I put the full 30 pounds back on again. I've decided I can't maintain with an all you can eat dining hall, so I'm going back to restricting and purging. I started 2 weeks ago and I'm down to 195 today. My plan is to skip meals or purge and try and keep it around 500 per day until I'm off of the meal plan. The food in the dining hall just makes me nauseous knowing how many cals is in all the oil. Then when I can cook for myself and have attentive roommates I'll be around 1000 cals per day and lose the rest of the weight more slowly, but I know I will struggle to go back up to that amount as I'm already really comfortable with 500. My first GW is 170 by my boyfriends graduation in May and then an ultimate goal weight of 149 by the start of my junior year next September.

That was ramble but I wanted to introduce myself under my new username. If any other college students have similar struggles I'd love to talk with you about the FUCKING dining hall food.

---

[Discussion] Stupid things you get triggered by?
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 12:34:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5witq4/stupid_things_you_get_triggered_by/
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(discussion)

So during class, The Science teacher had some kids videoing him on Snapchat and putting it on their stories, and then he turns to me and says, "What did *you* take a picture of?" i told him I took a picture of the desk (which I did) to reply to someone, and he just kind of said okay under his breath and I didnt even take a picture of him but I still feel really bad.

And then, when we had five minutes left in class, I already had my work finished so I was browsing through reddit and then the teacher says, "Hey! Youre not supposed to be on your phone!" and i said, "oh sorry , i just finished the homework though " to which the teacher says, "i dont care. Theres no policy that says go on your phone when youre done your homework. You shouldnt be on it"

And that triggers me (idfk why it did- maybe its because i never get in trouble and work hard) and then Im like, well Im not gonna eat for the rest of the day because im a piece of garbage hahaha

What stupid things do you get triggered by?

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[Other] 250+ lbs male here, don't have an ED but just wanted to wish everyone here a happy life!
/u/racer231
Created: Mon Feb 27 12:08:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5winzf/250_lbs_male_here_dont_have_an_ed_but_just_wanted/
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[removed]

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Went to the doctor today...
/u/nairoline
Created: Mon Feb 27 11:45:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wiin5/went_to_the_doctor_today/
---
[removed]

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[Help] How do you have the energy to workout when you're restricting?
/u/skaggs123
Created: Mon Feb 27 11:31:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wifiq/how_do_you_have_the_energy_to_workout_when_youre/
---
When I find myself restricting I have no energy to workout and if I don't workout then I feel like shit. What do I do.

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[Other] Am I allowed to write a post asking for an accountability buddy?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 27 10:08:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5whwqv/am_i_allowed_to_write_a_post_asking_for_an/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] This demon is my only friend.
/u/mind_bodygames [5'4" | 119.8 | 20.97 | -21 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 09:37:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5whpw5/this_demon_is_my_only_friend/
---
Edit: Couldn't hack the idea of having this story out there so I took the personal part out. Writing it down made it all too real.

Restricting is all I've got. It wraps me up like a safety blanket and keeps me warm and safe. I just want to lose and lose and lose until I disappear quietly in the night. Not like anyone would notice anyways. I dream about buying a plane ticket and moving somewhere without telling anyone.

Anyways, there's my pointless dumb rant for the day. Anyone else feel like their ED is a friend?

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[Rant/Rave] I hate that I can't find balance. I hate that trying makes me fat.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 27 08:51:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5whg8p/i_hate_that_i_cant_find_balance_i_hate_that/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] What BMI did you lose your period at?
/u/salamanderqueen [5'9.5"| CW: 135.6 | SW: 180 | GW: 125 | -44 | 19f]
Created: Mon Feb 27 08:45:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5whevw/what_bmi_did_you_lose_your_period_at/
---
My period is now 3 days late, and I'm really hoping that it's just because my BMI got low enough, and not because I'm pregnant. I recently lost enough weight to put my BMI at 19.9, but there's NO WAY that's low enough to lose my period right?

At the same time, I'm seriously praying that that's the reason, because my boyfriend and I are in no way ready to have a kid.

Edit: Thanks for the replies everyone! Yesterday was my birthday so I didn't get a chance to get on here and respond to everyone. BUT my period came today! In other words, I'm not pregnant, thank god!

---

[Help] Running and high restriction
/u/eatlilbird [5'3" | 96.8lb | 17.1 (17.6 new) | -51.2lb | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 08:38:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5whdim/running_and_high_restriction/
---
I'm starting to rack up the miles, last week 26 miles running and 43 miles including my walking. On average, I run about 5 miles a day 5-6 days a week. I'm training for a 10K run (no race, just personal goals)

I've been trying to keep my intake to about 1200 calories not including activity, but this makes me very emotional and exhausted and it's getting harder and harder to prevent the binges in the eve. It doesn't help that my SO is fat as are his friends and everyone else in my physical life and his regular and compulsive junk food binges are throwing me for a loop. Purged for first time in years the other day, and I'd like to not make that a habit.

Can others please share their experiences with high activity high restriction? How do I prevent eating the house after a long run? How many calories are you running on? Is 1200 stupid? Well all of this is stupid... but ??? I think I need to focus on meal planning and prep but I'm not sure if I should try to up my intake goal on heavy run days or what??? Halp!!!! So exhausted... crying on the kitchen floor gets real old real fast...

Also... if anyone has a spreadsheet for tracking body metrics and calories in/out... I could really use one. My OCD is preventing me from finishing my last spreadsheet cause I keep recalculating my formulas...

--
EDIT: thanks guys for all your comments. Being unsure of how much I weigh right now made it kinda hard to estimate my tdee and how much deficit to work with. My best guess is that I'm between 90-95lbs at 5'3" which puts me at bmi of 16.8 (or 17.3 w/ new formula). That means my tdee is 1829 at my level of activity.

If I stick w/ 1200 cal intake goal on rest day, I'm still working with a 600 cal deficit. I'm comfortable with that. 600 cal deficit x 7 days still works out to 4200 cal, which is almost 3lbs loss per week. I really don't need to lose a lot of weight quickly at this stage, I'm underweight and already rockin some extra skin. I'm getting closer to my ugw.

On run days, I will add 100 cal for every mile. So if I run 5 miles, I will add 500 cal for an intake total of 1700 cal. The energy burned should equal the extra cals consumed so I should still be left with a 600 cal deficit.

Rest day = 1200
- Breakfast = 200
- Am Snack = 100
- Lunch = 300
- Pm Snack = 100
- Dinner = 400
- Eve Snack = 100

Run day = 1200 + 100x5 miles = 1700
- Breakfast = 250
- post run meal = 200 (protein protein protein)
- Lunch = 450
- Pm Snack = 100
- Dinner = 600
- Eve Snack = 100

Totally freaked out about the extra cals but if it can prevent this binge purge cycle that's coming on, I will try it!! Thanks again everyone for all your input 😀

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[Help] Does (heavy) restriction make your self harm scars more prominent?
/u/stelldichein
Created: Mon Feb 27 06:44:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wgs67/does_heavy_restriction_make_your_self_harm_scars/
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I've been restricting more than usual the past month (and also exercising more) and I've noticed that my self harm scars from the past stand out a lot more. They're all fully healed and normally not *that* visible.

I have some bigger scars that turn purple/blue while restricting because I'm freezing but lately even the smaller and thinner ones are getting more prominent, I'd say they look "more white" . Do the two things relate? What can I do?

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[Rant/Rave] I don't trust TDEE/BMR/CICO for maintenance??
/u/IdentityCrisis24 [5'2''| CW 90.8 lbs | 16.6 | GW 86.0 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 06:35:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wgqrj/i_dont_trust_tdeebmrcico_for_maintenance/
---
So I have been stuck at a weight plateau for the past 2 weeks (90-91 lbs) on a 800-1000 calorie restriction. According to multiple calculators, my BMR is around 1100 and TDEE around 1700-1800 according to my FitBit. I don't understand how I could be maintaining at a 700-1000 daily calorie deficit? Can anyone explain what is happening and why I'm not losing??

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[Rant/Rave] Went out to buy b/p food despite not being hungry at all.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 06:11:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wgmx1/went_out_to_buy_bp_food_despite_not_being_hungry/
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Spent last night on MPA looking at the bulimic haul thread. Stupid idea. I haven't eaten since Friday and decided to b/p for no apparent reason. Gave myself a carte blanche (luckily spent less than 40 euros).

B/p-ed just for no apparent reason. Felt no physical hunger and nothing emotional to trigger it. Just did it out of habit.

I'm so over this. I hurt so much after purging. My muscles and joints ache and my heart is going to stop any day now. Yet at the same time, I debating doing it again today.

HOW DOES THE BRAIN MAKE ANY SENSE?

Edit: I did that whole 'If I do it all today, I can start fresh tomorrow' shit. Everything hurts.

---

[Rant/Rave] I LOVE getting sick!
/u/italkiesomuch [5'7 | CW 137 | GW 115 | -48lbs| Whale Noises]
Created: Mon Feb 27 06:00:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wgkxh/i_love_getting_sick/
---
I've had the gnarliest flu these past few days which really kicked my ass. I was throwing up everywhere but I secretly was super excited when I realized I was sick, because I completely lose my appetite when I'm sick. I'm already getting over it but my appetite still isn't back and I'm super happy about it! Couldn't weigh myself but I had to have lost at least 2lbs throughout this ordeal.....yay!

---

[Rant/Rave] This is my fresh start.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 27 05:42:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wgi8f/this_is_my_fresh_start/
---
[deleted]

---

Weekly Stats Update! February 27, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Feb 27 05:37:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wghi7/weekly_stats_update_february_27_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for February 27, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 27, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Feb 27 05:37:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wghfw/daily_food_diary_february_27_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 27, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] I'm going to fast for seven days. How much weight will I lose?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 27 05:30:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wggkr/im_going_to_fast_for_seven_days_how_much_weight/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Gallstones? :| [Discussion]
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Mon Feb 27 03:02:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wfyam/gallstones_discussion/
---
Hi y'all! Not new to here or ED, just new account. I was wondering what's yalls experiences with gallstones? I'm restricting to 600 a day w/ lots of walking (burning 100/200 sometimes!), and... I keep going on loseit and they keep talking about gallstones. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac and like, gallstones?? I'm so freaked out. Have any of y'all ever gotten them? If I restrict but don't eat high fat foods will that help prevent them? Blah. :|

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[Discussion] Lent: what are you quitting for 40 days?
/u/skinnypod [5'6" | 121 | 19.8 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 27 03:00:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wfxzx/lent_what_are_you_quitting_for_40_days/
---
I'm not religious in the slightest, but I find lent is a pretty good excuse around here for restricting/cutting out various foods with no questions asked.

This time I'm thinking of going vegan. I know a lot of junk food is still vegan but it means I'll have a good reason to turn down all sorts of crap offered around the office.

Last year I gave up "snacking" but it was a bit too non-specific and people kept trying to push biscuits etc on me cause people are dicks.

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[Rant/Rave] Why do I do this
/u/planningfallacy_
Created: Mon Feb 27 02:22:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wftr6/why_do_i_do_this/
---
Starve myself for a while. Decide I should keep low cal food nearby to ward off possible binges. Proceed to binge horribly on my low calorie (expensive) food and then feel immediate regret. This is why eating anywhere close to maintenance is so hard for me, it's either fasting or eating uncontrollably :(

---

but seriously I'm not thin enough to have a problem
/u/planningfallacy_
Created: Mon Feb 27 02:12:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wfsl2/but_seriously_im_not_thin_enough_to_have_a_problem/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] warped perception of self is so confusing and upsetting
/u/yes2theaddress [5'8 | cgw:125 | -40 | f]
Created: Mon Feb 27 00:49:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wfj76/warped_perception_of_self_is_so_confusing_and/
---
whenever i lose weight i seem to have a 'grace period' of a few days where i am happy with how i look, and then my brain adjusts and i see a huge hulking person in the mirror again ;_;

---

[Rant/Rave] Seroquel update. [Trigger Warning] [Kind of an update, kind of a vent].
/u/95CHOI
Created: Sun Feb 26 23:08:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wf5gs/seroquel_update_trigger_warning_kind_of_an_update/
---
About a month ago, I posted [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ozik1/anxiety_medssleep_aids_that_dont_interfere_with/) asking about Seroquel and good alternatives in terms of sleep aids. (Thanks heaps for your replies)

Since [ending](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v0gp9/i_wasnt_even_hungry/) my fast a *week* ago, I have been stuck in an endless cycle of restricting, binging, and purging (I've probably gained all the weight lost from the fast back... I was UNDER the goal I'd set for my birthday, 2 days before my birthday... I try not to think about it 'cause it *really* makes me wanna die hahahaa).
I've only just noticed within the last few days that I'm fine until I take Seroquel to go to sleep and then I get this *compulsion* to eat things that make me incredibly writhing-in-pain-on-bed-type ill (I'm gluten, lactose, and sugar intolerant). I'm really not much of an ice-cream person anymore but this entire week it's like all I can think about is eating ice-cream like they're about to make it illegal. I'm usually great with not eating things like this and can be rational like, "is the pain really worth it?" Obviously it's not but my brain on Seroquel seems to think so.

Not only that, but my mother has just been put back on it as well and has been telling me that it keeps making her want to eat (she said it's like a compulsion and she *knows* she's not even hungry) and even I've noticed she's been eating more/weirdly (she usually eats literally the exact same things every day).

I tried Doxylamine (Melatonin is stupid expensive) and it's seemed to work pretty well for me. I did IF for a week with almost no problems while taking the Doxylamine, then did the 7-day fast (and in that time, I de-cluttered the fridge and pantry with no problems at all/zero desire to eat). However, on the day I ended my fast I took Seroquel because it (used to) make me go to sleep faster and I wanted to avoid further binging. Well, it essentially did the complete opposite of what I wanted.
I took 75mg at once yesterday hoping to *once again* change my sleep cycle and get back on track with my diet/avoid binging and I didn't even sleep! I stumbled around the kitchen like a fucking zombie and binged on pizza! I don't even like pizza! And then of course I had to throw it up because of the gluten and dairy in the cheese and the sheer amount of carbs and calories in it.

Today is the first day in a week I've taken Doxylamine instead of Seroquel and I feel so much better. Like seriously, no desire to binge at all. I feel a lot less shitty in general, actually. I don't know what I'm going to do for anxiety meds now (not like Seroquel did shit for that anyway) but I'd rather be anxious and losing weight than "calm" (lol whats that) and fat and lazy and gross. I don't think I'll try actual fasting again for a while despite how much I loved it last time but I'm gonna *try* to go back to fairly heavy restriction.

TL;DR: Seroquel is the fucking devil incarnate and I hate myself. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

---

[Rant/Rave] I really hate people knowing that I eat, especially my Mother
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 22:34:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wf037/i_really_hate_people_knowing_that_i_eat/
---
I hate my mom. Like, straight up *hate* She's incredibly fat and I fear looking like her more than anything else. I eat mostly at school, so I had weighed out all the foods I was gonna bring. It was pretty high volume since it was lots of veggies + rice cakes. I was putting it into my schoolbag and I saw her watching me with those beady little eyes, and I just felt so weak. I felt like the food was gonna make me fat, just like her. I could feel an anxiety attack coming and I just shoved it down, ran into my room and cried for a good five minutes. She came in and scolded me for crying and now I'm just sitting here and waiting for school with my coffee. Fucking hell. I'm feeling so huge and I know it's because I'm bloated, but I feel like I've gained so much. Scale is broken as well, fml.

I just want to be a nymph. I just want to eat very little, exist on mouthfuls of food, but I'm such a pig, ugh.

Rant/rave I guess

---

[Rant/Rave] Feel like I can't post here much bc of my bf
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Sun Feb 26 22:05:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5weval/feel_like_i_cant_post_here_much_bc_of_my_bf/
---
He says he doesn't mind me posting, but I'm paranoid he's reading what I write. I think I'm pretty easy to pick out from the way I speak/write. I HATE it. I love posting all of my thoughts and feelings in this sub. He found my old user name by being a snoop while fixing my computer and then confronted me about all of it. I had all kinds of subs I followed (even dirty type) and he looked at it all. I felt violated, but it did open a door for me to explain my anxiety to him. He still doesn't understand my thing with food. He swore to me he would never read my posts again and that he "didn't even remember my user name." I continued to post, but he was secretly reading all of my posts and he did KNOW my user name. That pissed me off. That was the first time I felt like he violated trust with me. I deleted the whole account and now I have this one... I only follow 2 subs on this acct bc I'm afraid of him snooping. It sucks.

Mobile no flair

---

[Rant/Rave] I am posting this to reassure myself. Reassure me, too.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 21:42:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wertg/i_am_posting_this_to_reassure_myself_reassure_me/
---
I CAN eat below my TDEE every day, at least. I just need to take my meds on time every day. I have a very long history of maintaining, so I DO have control over whether I gain weight or not.

It does suck that the only thing I know I can do is maintain. But that means I at least *won't gain.* I need to remember this always.

---

[Discussion] Do you ever feel dumb for not eating?
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Sun Feb 26 21:40:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5werfe/do_you_ever_feel_dumb_for_not_eating/
---
I feel like I'm having so much pity on myself and that's why I choose not to eat. Sometimes I think about that and I'm like seriously...?

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[Rant/Rave] A moment of acceptance in my Binge/Restrict cycle
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 21:17:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wennl/a_moment_of_acceptance_in_my_bingerestrict_cycle/
---
Afer a few weeks of restricting successfully, I had another binge today. Kind of an all day binge really. And it might just be that the guilt hasn't set in yet, but in all honesty I'm ok with it. I recognize this was inevitable with my restriction where it was at, I recognize this is part of my process and that tomorrow I will be back to 700 calories and I won't gain in the long run, and I recognize that there is nothing I can do about it now. It's frustrating and I probably will be bummed about it in the morning but I'm trying to view it as a positive, 'refueling' my body if you will.

Idk, this was pointless but Im curious if anyone ever views their binges in the same way?

---

[Rant/Rave] My new SO is like ultimate thinspo and it's fucking with me
/u/pleasegodnofuck
Created: Sun Feb 26 21:13:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wemzy/my_new_so_is_like_ultimate_thinspo_and_its/
---
They don't even try not to eat. They just don't. Their arms and legs are so skinny I could die. They have such an androgynous look effortlessly. I can't stop feeling like they must be somewhat disgusted with my body.

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo?
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun Feb 26 21:04:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5welmk/daily_thinspo/
---
Should i stop posting daily thinspo? I'm noticing that people are starting to feel upset by my posts. I thought it was helpful and just something pretty to look at. It was for me as much as you guys.

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[Thinspo] Liara Roux - shes so tiny and perfect
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 26 20:26:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wef7x/liara_roux_shes_so_tiny_and_perfect/
---
https://vimeo.com/202680127

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[Rant/Rave] Today I realize I have a much bigger problem than I thought
/u/mrcolon96 ["dacing with the devil, i love that he pretends to care"]
Created: Sun Feb 26 18:30:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wduz1/today_i_realize_i_have_a_much_bigger_problem_than/
---
I just ordered a pizza and not 5 minutes after I'm looking for tips on how to puke. Tips that I have read like fifty times already but I will still read because **fuck** being fat. It also just hit me that I took laxatives everyday for this week.

When did my life become so shitty?

---

[Rant/Rave] My SO admitted to me tonight that his preference is 'fat women'.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [28/F | SW: 105kg | CW: 51kg | GW 1: 45kg ( UGW: 39.9kg )]
Created: Sun Feb 26 17:59:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wdp0t/my_so_admitted_to_me_tonight_that_his_preference/
---
His words, fat women. Curves yes, but also bellies and fat. He loves my body just as it is anyway, but if it were to change, he would prefer it to get larger, and absolutely not smaller.

I knew he could be attracted to larger women - I was obese when we met and got together, and so obviously know he was attracted to me larger - but I always got the impression he was pretty pleased when I lost weight. It was part of my motivation.. that yes, he loved me big, but he loves tinier women more and so will love me more if I were tiny too.

He's never told me what to do with my body and know he never would. I think he only told me this tonight because we've pretty much had a whole day of deep discussion of how we feel about various things. Plus, I think he's noticed the increased body checking, and that I'm again restricting and sticking to my safe foods.

I always daydreamed that if my SO preferred larger women (considering I thought he at least slightly preferred me skinnier, at the very LEAST preferred teeny tiny waists), it would be a reason for me to stop restricting and eat what I please - not to purposely binge or get fat, but to stop worrying about it. I always imagined that I'd do that, absolutely, because when it comes to appearance, he's the only one I want to attract, right?

But instead... it hasn't changed anything. It's made me more comfortable that he will still want to be with me if I do fuck up and blow up, but beyond that.. it hasn't stopped me wanting to restrict and lose and lose and lose and be tiny. I always thought me wanting to be skinny was about me wanting to be attractive and pretty, ESPECIALLY for him.. apparently not? I feel quite numb to it, besides the reassurance that me being bigger wouldn't make him run off. It doesn't change what I have an urge to do. I really thought it would..

If I were fat and he preferred skinnier women, I would be so upset. I *was* so upset about it, and fearful of not fitting his 'preference for skinny women', fearful of gaining weight and losing his interest. The thought of him looking at skinny women and preferring their bodies to my fat one was a horrible feeling..

But now I find he actually prefers fat women whilst I'm trying to get smaller (and perhaps not really classed as 'fat' right now anyway).. and it doesn't change my plans. I'm not upset and the furthest I could be from desperate to gain any belly or curves to fit his preference. The thought of him looking at fat women and preferring their bodies to mine doesn't seem to hurt me at all? It's like, 'ok whatever as long as you love me. Still gonna be tiny'? It makes no sense.

I asked him what would happen if 'the nagging voice in my head' won out and I managed to lose the weight 'it' wants me too.. if I got thinner, even to an extreme. He told me that of course he still wouldn't go anywhere, and he would help me through it. So that's something I guess.

---

[Discussion] Savory tea alternatives?
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 144.8 | 20.6 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 17:43:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wdm68/savory_tea_alternatives/
---
So tea is pretty much my lifesaver but sometimes I definitely crave more salty/savory things, it feels more "meal-like" to me. So far I've been making myself broth with chicken bouillon (10-15cal for a big mug) or just using the ramen seasoning packet without the noodles (5-10cal, very "broke college student" but tasty). Does anyone else do this? Suggestions for flavorings? If I could find ramen seasoning (like the good Shin Ramyun, not top ramen or whatever) without having to buy the noodles, that'd be perfect.

---

[Thinspo] All day long
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 17:38:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wdl2f/all_day_long/
---
https://i.redd.it/wjk8zq5ypaiy.jpg

---

[Thinspo] Naked and Afraid Thinspo
/u/wildstylemeth0d
Created: Sun Feb 26 17:08:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wdf33/naked_and_afraid_thinspo/
---
I'm currently marathoning this show, and it's pretty wild. The premise is that 2 people, male and female, are dropped into an environment for 21 days and have to survive with nothing, just themselves naked and one tool each. They struggle to find food and subsist for the entire time on tiny bugs and berries. They always lose a ton of weight at the end of the 3 weeks. This one girl was losing weight and at the end her stomach was so concave and her hip bones were portruding out. It's huge thinspo to see them wasting away throughout the 3 weeks.

---

[Discussion] CalorieCount is shutting down.
/u/Childofstupidity [5'2.5 | cw 113 | gw ☠️ | lw 80~ | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 16:55:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wdcry/caloriecount_is_shutting_down/
---
They officially close on March 15th. The website's main page doesn't show up in searches anymore, so if you can't find it that's why. RIP the website that got me to my lw.


Does anyone know of apps that let you enter food by grams? Mfp is hit and miss with that.


Also hi! First post!

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Pizza is my enemy
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 26 16:52:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wdca7/pizza_is_my_enemy/
---
[removed]

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[Help] how to not replace one vice for another?
/u/CTM98
Created: Sun Feb 26 16:06:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wd3gr/how_to_not_replace_one_vice_for_another/
---
So like probably everyone here unhealthy eating habits are my absolute crutch whether that's binging, purging, starving whatever. I'm starting to cut down on b/p now and haven't overeaten in months so my main thing now is just heavy restriction to max 600-800kcal a day. This is working super well and I've been really on track with my goals but now that I don't have overeating to rely on my craving for cigarettes is crazyyyyy. I'm 18 and still at school but I have to leave the site every lunch for a cigarette which is so time consuming, if I don't have that I won't get through the day. I don't want to be a chain smoker (and I do not need a lecture) so how can I stop replacing bad habits for other bad habits and instead just have a normal life?!
EDIT: sorry no flair I'm on mobile

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Binge today, 48hr fast tomorrow
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Sun Feb 26 15:57:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wd1ms/binge_today_48hr_fast_tomorrow/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun Feb 26 15:44:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wcz3t/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/5337b20459ef47678f28b4aaf5994d66?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=85b04f865edf0e575e08cd41ac47588e

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[Rant/Rave] "Don't you want to try that on?"
/u/rosepurplesoup [5'10" | 129.5 | 18.12 | -53.5 | F 🌻]
Created: Sun Feb 26 13:32:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wc8f2/dont_you_want_to_try_that_on/
---
I was buying a jacket from a girl at my school from a facebook page. When we met up I went to give her the cash and she asks "don't you want to try it on?" I **know** that's a normal thing. People normally try on clothes before buying them. But there was no way I was going to try it on in front of her outside.

She was so small and petite and short, so of course I instantly think she asked me that because she didn't think it would fit me. To be honest, I'm still not 100% sure that didn't have anything to do with it. Sigh.

---

[Rant/Rave] My roommate ate my food
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW 160 lbs | GW 150 | UGW 125 | 19f]
Created: Sun Feb 26 13:30:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wc7vt/my_roommate_ate_my_food/
---
UGH. This actually happened a couple days ago but I'm still so angry that I have to let it out somehow :( I'm sorry in advance for all the pettiness and bitchiness, but here goes:

A couple friends from out of town visited me last week and we ended up ordering pizza. I ate a slice and then ended up with the leftovers when my friends left -- four slices, one of which I immediately offered to my roommate when she came home. After finishing it she asked for another and I said sure because more for her = less for me and I really can't justify eating three slices lol. The two slices left were going to be my food the next day, but when I woke up they were GONE. I ransacked the fridge and everything but they weren't there, so I texted her to ask and she apparently "was up late and got really hungry, sorry!!!" and then told me I could eat some of the pasta that she'd made the week before.

Firstly, DON'T TOUCH MY FUCKING FOOD. You have no idea how hard it is for me to budget my calories and control my portions, and I HATE HATE HATE when anything doesn't go according to plan because it just throws everything out of whack. I ended up practically on the verge of tears and had a mini-binge on stupid shit later that day. I *already gave her two slices.* Was that not enough? I **paid** for that fucking pizza. Don't eat it without asking me.

Secondly, I can't believe she offered her stupid four-cheese meatball pasta casserole as an equivalent. I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY CALORIES ARE IN THAT. She doesn't know about my ED but I'm still just fuming about it :( Pasta also isn't an equivalent to pizza in my head -- we're both broke as fuck and she should have known that it's a real treat to have paid $20 for pizza vs. spending $5 on pasta, sauce and ground beef, which frankly I could do any day if I wanted to/was able to. And if she had pasta in the fridge, why didn't she eat THAT instead of MY FOOD???????? How fucking inconsiderate do you have to be to a) do that b) not apologize until after I asked and c) not buy me more pizza or something??? Ugh, I don't know what I was expecting given that any non-ED person wouldn't see it as a big deal but I'm just so, so upset about it.

I'm angry at myself for getting so upset about this ridiculous shit. It was two slices of pizza. A normal person would be annoyed, sure, but I had a practical near-mental breakdown over the junkiest food of all time. AND I BINGED. I'm such a wreck.

---

[Rant/Rave] treatment doesn't help
/u/anorexic666 [5'4 | CW: 89.8 | LW: 83 | UGW: 80]
Created: Sun Feb 26 12:44:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbyiv/treatment_doesnt_help/
---
i don't know what posting this will accomplish but i want to get it out anyway

i got out of php recently after my parents forced me into inpatient late november

none of this treatment helps and i don't want it to help and i don't want to get better. i don't even really care that my whole family is worried for and angry at me. my mom is telling me how i have to start eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner and how i "haven't been able to do it on your own" and how i can't keep dropping weight and they won't watch me die

i'm not even dying!! i was way thinner than this in the hospital and all i had was a bad heart rate and osteoporosis!! i never passed out, i have all my hair still. it all makes me want to starve more

and now they're threatening to take away my phone and my laptop and not drive me anywhere (even work) if i don't put the weight back on

i hate this and they're not helping and it honestly kind of makes me want to run away or just die because that'd be better than gaining weight

i! don't! want! recovery!!!

---

[Help] I've been doing horribly for the past couple days and could really use some motivation
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Sun Feb 26 12:15:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbsgv/ive_been_doing_horribly_for_the_past_couple_days/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Bloating is my worst enemy
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Sun Feb 26 12:07:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbqrs/bloating_is_my_worst_enemy/
---
I had one fried egg and a little bit of this beef thing. I am bloated as hell. Looked in the mirror and I look utterly disgusting. It's like everything I worked for is wasted. I'm trying not to beat myself up though and I'm telling myself that the bloating will go down.

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 26 12:05:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbqgj/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/062258c9e47d4427a88f4a3ca1a7a49d?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=69ba3bae6605e644a77a4be575d195ef

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[Rant/Rave] Drunkenly confessed to my SO. Ah, fuck me.
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 101.6 | BMI:19.8 l GW 90| -42 l F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 11:52:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbnnq/drunkenly_confessed_to_my_so_ah_fuck_me/
---
Yeeeeepppp.... last night I got sloshed and told my SO that I relapsed apparently.

I'm so ashamed. I can't believe I did that. I don't think I said much else other than that but I want to take it back. I want a redo. This is my own private hell and I don't want anyone to know.

The worst part is his response. He told me this morning that he's sorry but he didn't notice. Guess a sudden drop of ~40 lbs in 4 months isn't as alarming as I was worrying it was. Good news is maybe my psych won't be freaking the hell out when I go to see her after I've been avoiding her for the past 6 months like I've been panicking about. I thought my relapse was as obvious as could be to everyone around me. Guess I'm not bad at hiding it like I thought I was. I don't know if I'm disappointed or relieved.

Now I have to live life like that didn't happen and hope he doesn't keep a closer eye on me, or start to intervene. I'm constantly scared people are going to step in and ruin everything for me. It's fucking bizarre. In the beginning I wanted everyone to know I lost weight and was impatient about people not noticing after 20 lbs. Now I want nothing more than for people to leave me alone about it. I can tell my family is scared. They haven't outwardly stated that but I know what they think of it.


Sorry for this mess of a post if anyone even reads this. My mind is all over the fucking place because I'm hungover and melodramatic.

---

[Rant/Rave] A part of me hates that I want to be so thin
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Sun Feb 26 11:33:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbjqh/a_part_of_me_hates_that_i_want_to_be_so_thin/
---
I feel like this problem of wanting to be thin is partially the fault of society putting pressure on women to be thin. Society tells you that thin = beautiful. I hate that I'm buying into it. I try to advocate thinking individually and not being brainwashed or influenced by society or negative ppl. And yet I'm over here trying so hard to become thinner.

---

[Help] Extreme fatigue right after eating
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Sun Feb 26 11:20:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbh9h/extreme_fatigue_right_after_eating/
---
I tend to get extremely tired and weak right after eating. I actually feel better when I don't eat. Anybody else have this problem?

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[Other] Got drunk last night and messed up
/u/GhostlyParadox [5'1.5 | 107.4 | Female]
Created: Sun Feb 26 11:19:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbh2h/got_drunk_last_night_and_messed_up/
---
tw: mentions alcohol and throwing up

Yesterday I only had three cups of tea and half of a rice cake, then my friends asked if we could hang out and drink. So,
I had a few friends over after I finished work and we played cards. I ended up having maybe a little more than 5 shots of Vodka and a Mikes Hard Lemonade.

My drunk mind said shit that I shouldn't have said, my friends made me have some orange juice and popcorn, and I threw up a couple times.

I woke up this morning having no idea how I got in my bed. One of my friends slept over and so I'm freaking out and nervously waiting for her to wake up. Nevermind the fact that I absolutely hate how relieved I am that I threw everything up.

Sorry, I had to get all of this off of my chest.

---

[Discussion] Finally got the coveted AN diagnosis, but I feel like I don't deserve it.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 11:17:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbgi6/finally_got_the_coveted_an_diagnosis_but_i_feel/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] [goal]-gotta be thin for an event next Saturday!!!
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Sun Feb 26 10:58:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wbcup/goalgotta_be_thin_for_an_event_next_saturday/
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Sorry on mobile, so no flair.



I had a huge visit with the family for the last two weeks and I pretty much had to prove how "normal" my eating habits were constantly, for every meal!!! And they eat so fucking much and nothing but junk!!! All the time!!! How do people eat like that? It was so anxiety inducing. I've gained almost 10 lbs in two weeks and I'm freaking out as I have a business trip next week for a trade show. I'm supposed to pick out clothes for my boutique this fall. I normally fit into the sample sizes, this time though I'm cutting it way too close!! I gotta get rid of at least 10 lbs in a week!!! I'm not eating solid food today, I'm using an EC stack, and I'm going to go lift, and try to do some cardio. I hope the EC stack can keep me energized enough to do all this and the prep I need for my trip. I'm going to drink so much fiber, water, coffee, and tea! I already took a laxitive, and I gotta find some way to eat my vitamins without feeling sick, I can never get them down without a little food. I need all the support I can get!!

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[Other] Goals
/u/borrow_our_light [5'7| 134.4lbs | 21.78 BMI | -27.2lbs | F | GW 115]
Created: Sun Feb 26 10:28:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wb6mr/goals/
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So i have some pretty unattainable goals set for myself and recently i have become aware of that; does that change them at all not really. But this morning i found like my most manageable goal. I bought a pair of pants 2 sizes down from mine and i love them; they are super grunge/punk which is all i ever wear. But they are super cute and now i have my next goal, fitting into them.

I know i wont be happy till i do fit them but this is the most realistic goal i have ever set and i'm so happy.

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I have a weird day dreaming habit
/u/nodamncatnodamncradl [5'10 | 140LB | 19.58 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 10:05:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wb24x/i_have_a_weird_day_dreaming_habit/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] "Light" soups are a gift sent from the gods
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 09:38:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5waww2/light_soups_are_a_gift_sent_from_the_gods/
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Almost 300 grams of chicken NOODLE soup for 140 calories??? Hell yeah

Do you guys have favorite soups?

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[Other] Favorite tea's? :)
/u/ThinFit96 [5'2 | CW:125lbs CGW:115lbs | 23.68 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 09:33:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wavvl/favorite_teas/
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Hey guys!
I recently binge bought a whole bunch of tea from David's tea and am obsessed. The cream of Earl Grey is by far my favorite so far, sooo good <3 Curious to hear back from you guys so I can go back and buy more :)

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[Rant/Rave] All the stress (rant)
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 155.9 | -41lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Sun Feb 26 09:04:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5waqli/all_the_stress_rant/
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I'm almost a nurse so excuse my TMIs, I've lost the concept. So I hadn't been able to have a BM so I have some senna tea last night. Woke up at 6am for my 7am shift and did not go so I knew I was in for some trouble at work. Cue extreme nausea and cramping and then I finally have such a huge BM and I am satisfied. Except now I don't want to eat anything so I can weigh myself later when I get home... despite knowing what a bad idea it would be to not eat on my 12hr shift.

I think I'll try to stick to liquids? And then hopefully get a good weight later ugh

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[Help] My brain is a dick
/u/morose_adipose [5'2 | 90ish | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 08:50:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wao6u/my_brain_is_a_dick/
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Okay, let me preface this by saying I know I'm irrational lol.

I'm attempting to eat a little more. Not because I am happy with myself, or because I am ready to give up my ED, but because I have been sick and had the energy of a sloth and well, I'm just tired of feeling like shit. I can't run anymore, my skin is gray, and I'm tired of binging after restricting too long.

I have tried to figure out my BMR and TDEE and set a reasonable deficit from those and follow it, but I do that for about three days and then the hyper restriction sets in because idiot brain, I eat 400 calories a day for a couple of weeks and then the inevitable binge occurs and I end up right back at this same spot, telling myself to do it reasonably.

Problem is, I don't trust TDEE calculators to get it right. I have used about a dozen different calculators, and averaged the results for my TDEE of about 1500 using sedentary as my activity level because I'm afraid it will give me a number too high if I say I'm active. If I deduct 500 calories from my estimated TDEE, I feel like I need to deduct a little more *just in case* and then I still get too paranoid so I go back to 400-500 calories because it feels safe.

I feel like if I eat 900-1000 calories a day, it's too much. It's not safe. I won't lose or worse, I will gain. Someone tell me I will lose still, that biologically speaking, even if I were the most sedentary slug on earth, I will not gain at 1000 calories a day. Please shut my stupid brain up. I know I am at a point now where weight loss will be slow regardless, and I'm fine with that but for the love of all that is holy, if I gain I will lose my mind.

900-1,000 calories just seems like *so much*. (Didn't seem like so much when my fat face was eating that ice cream though, did it? Ugh.)

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[Discussion] Does anyone else panic over whether or not they made the right food choice after eating?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 26 08:46:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wanij/does_anyone_else_panic_over_whether_or_not_they/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Has anybody lost large amounts of weight? Over 100lbs?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 26 07:33:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wabp4/has_anybody_lost_large_amounts_of_weight_over/
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[removed]

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[Help] Bingeing at night?
/u/YourChinaDoll [5'1" | SW: 169 | CW: 120.8 |F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 06:53:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5wa68a/bingeing_at_night/
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Hi, everyone! Lately I've really been struggling with bingeing at night, and I'm up an alarming 8 pounds because of it. I used to b/p at night, but due to my new roommate/bathroom situation, purging isn't always an option. But for some reason even though I can't purge, I'll still eat as if I'm going to. I can literally follow my goals all day, and once it turns around 9/10 pm, it's like a switch is flipped and I just can't stop myself. Has anyone had this problem before and have any advice on how not to do this?

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Feb 26 05:18:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w9v0v/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
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Happy Sunday February 26, 2017~

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 26, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Feb 26 05:17:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w9v0m/daily_food_diary_february_26_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for February 26, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] Does anyone else freeze 24/7?
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Sun Feb 26 03:59:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w9n3z/does_anyone_else_freeze_247/
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I freeze all day everyday. The only time I'm not cold is when it's hot outside or I'm under a pile of blankets lol. Right now I'm at work with my jacket zipped up leaning against a 100 degree incubator and I'm still freezing. I hate being so cold. It makes me not want to do anything!


Mobile no flair

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[Intro] [Intro] Hi
/u/calmlyranting [5'5 | Fluctuating | F]
Created: Sun Feb 26 03:52:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w9mju/intro_hi/
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So I decided to use this account for a more personal/private side of me, so here I am. I've been a long time lurker here, so I figured I could come out and say hello. So umm, hi. As you can tell I'm a bit socially awkward. Feel free to ask questions though.

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[Rant/Rave] 3/7
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 22:45:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w8qrm/37/
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3 out of 7 day binge. I'm disappointed in myself because this is ridiculous. I'm finally at a GW and I am constantly sabotaging myself. I need to stop. I need to. That word makes me resent EVERYTHING. Need. Fuck needs. Fuck you 'need'. Goddammit. I start over on sundays. Idk why but it helps. Tommorrow is the new week but I feel like I already tainted it. Who eats a pint of halo, a pint of rapberries, a pint of fucking blueberries, a goddamn situations worth of powder peanut butter, and a fuck load of odds and ends given I've been drinking but still!!!! Ah. I am a fat. Hopefully I can fast till noon and I will stay at sub 900 and then the rest of the week I will stay sub 950 and I will feel so much better. No binge days. Please. Please. I beg me.

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[Rant/Rave] I suffer from EDNOS and I feel alone
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 25 22:29:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w8ont/i_suffer_from_ednos_and_i_feel_alone/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Livejournal
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Sat Feb 25 22:11:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w8m5y/livejournal/
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Yes, i'm drunk, and i'm sorry. But if it weren't for my inebriation, I wouldn't have dug up the www.com grave that is The Purgatorium. Which is exactly that. A grave site. I managed to recall my old live journal user name, and googled that name to get me back to my old bulimia safespace. I mean, thank Fuck all that that entire platform has been erased from the entire internet. Fear not if you had an account, & posted intimate details about your personal problems. My username is there, but nothing I ever posted seems to exist. But do any survivors lurk here? That forum was my entire life for a while.

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[Help] Cheat meal?
/u/paytontanner94 [5'4 | CW 120| UGW: 112 l 25F ]
Created: Sat Feb 25 20:58:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w8brd/cheat_meal/
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On mobile...

I just binged on two brownie cupcakes and I really want to purge. However, I'm going to try a new cheat meal every weekend. I don't know if I will be able to do it, I think it might freak me out to just not count the calories.

However, I am not doing a cheat day, just a meal. And tomorrow I will fast and work out.

Does anyone else have a cheat meal?

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[Rant/Rave] What the fuck
/u/PlaTOESatlantis
Created: Sat Feb 25 19:50:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w8193/what_the_fuck/
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On mobile sorry can't flare.

SO.. ya'll ready for a rant?

Tonight me and my OH had a drink together, just us. We laughed and talked and shared some deep secrets that i'm sure he won't remember in the morning anyway. So blah blah blah we drink we listen to music we chill and then he starts watching porn and im playing music like lol whatever yeah? So i guess he gets horny and we start getting down and dirty and i'm into it and i turn around (hardly cryptic what position we're in here) for a kiss and the motherfucker has his phone RESTING ON MY BACK watching porn while we do it. Now call me crazy but we had a drunken heart to heart an hour before where i said about purging and whatever which he knew nothing about and he sympathizes and then does this. Am i crazy? I just faked it after i realized what was happening. It just felt so disconnected. Sorry, i have no one else to rant to. I'm just in shock.. like.. what the fuck?!

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[Rant/Rave] Shit hit the fan today
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Sat Feb 25 19:26:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w7xj0/shit_hit_the_fan_today/
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I told my fiance how upset I was about how he doesn't seem to take my needs into consideration. I swear to fucking satan, this man wouldn't give up his fast food for anything, and it makes me livid. He agreed to slow down on the weed and alcohol extravagance, but I hope he gets fat. I hope he gets really, really fat. That shit gets me so angry, not just because I have an eating disorder, but the money! That's where it all goes.

Today I ate three quest bars, and three cans of tuna. I have one of each left over for tomorrow. We have 16 bucks left in our bank account, and as I scrolled through the purchase history, it's 75% fast food runs. For those of you who don't know my situation, i'm drinking and I don't feel like explaining it. I guess i'm here venting again, because my phone is shut off & I can't text any of my friends at home, and crying for attention on fb would hurt my pride. I like for everyone in my real life to think i'm doing well. I'm an avid writer and journal daily, but sometimes I get tired of talking to my fucking self all the time.

I asked him to pick me up a cheap bottle of booze while he was out getting his mcdonalds dinner. I'm not supposed to drink, but the very last thing I give a flying fuck about is my sobriety right now. He came home and said he didn't get me anything, and I just absolutely broke down into a million pieces all over my flea bed. It's not about the alcohol. But I sincerely desired an escape.

So, I got dressed, put some eyebrows on, and got it myself. I'm looking forward to those sweet dehydration numbers on the scale tomorrow. I know they're not real, and the second any liquid enters my body, my numbers will shoot back up to real life.

But it's fine. It's not like we will have money for me to eat anyway. Cheers <3

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[Discussion] DAE feel shitty about their calorie-counting apps
/u/Dbyolbabni [5'4 | too much | 22.3 | -17lbs | F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 18:36:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w7pgm/dae_feel_shitty_about_their_caloriecounting_apps/
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or is it just me being stupid, because I like to think I'm not the only one on this boat. Sorry for no flair and the format, mobile user here.
Anyway, I know it probably sounds really dumb, but I'm always terrified of putting in more calories than my goal, or even getting close to my goal into any kind of counting app. I know I'm the only one that'll see it, but I guess it's just embarassing to look at when I go over the limit or get close. I feel like the app is a whole new person that will be lowkey making fun of me for eating so much. Idk, I'm just curious to know if anyone else might feel like this too or if I'm alone here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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[Rant/Rave] I binged and I feel Terrible
/u/entropy2426 [5'8 | 125 | 18.80 | -25lbs]
Created: Sat Feb 25 18:28:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w7o4z/i_binged_and_i_feel_terrible/
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On mobile can't flair (will flair as help if I'm near a computer). I went to my friends after fasting all day yday, started drinking, couldn't stop the rest is history. Today has been pretty much continuous eating and drinking. I feel so fucking awful, and I know tomorrow I will find it really hard to fast bc hangover (I still will though). Idk what I can do to feel better, I'm with my friend and my bf currently so I can't do normal self care activities. I feel lowkey suicidal but only lowkey so I guess that's better than other times lol.

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[Rant/Rave] Do many women even like skinny guys?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 25 16:57:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w788k/do_many_women_even_like_skinny_guys/
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[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Any good Thinspo's that you follow on Snapchat?
/u/Po-Wakea
Created: Sat Feb 25 16:38:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w74s3/any_good_thinspos_that_you_follow_on_snapchat/
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Snapchat is easiest for me to check through the day, opposed to say, instagram.

Any good Thinspo's you guys watch and could give me the names of? I'd appreciate it. I need encouragement during the day when I'm tempted :( ♥

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[Goal] What is your goal weight?
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Sat Feb 25 16:00:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w6xvz/what_is_your_goal_weight/
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[removed]

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Fad diet feedback
/u/toadally-grody [174.5cm / 47.9 / 15.7 / maintaining / F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 15:38:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w6tp9/fad_diet_feedback/
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[removed]

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[Tip] Maintenance Tips
/u/antimeridian [5'5" | BMI 17.9 | maintaining 🌻]
Created: Sat Feb 25 15:27:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w6rqk/maintenance_tips/
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Maintenance has always been a struggle for me. The first time I tried to maintain, I ended up bingeing everything back after six months at my GW. I spent the rest of the year fat, dysmorphic, and miserable. Luckily, I’ve learned a lot since then. I’ve lost my binge weight (again), and, this time, I’ve successfully transitioned into maintenance without sacrificing my physical/mental health.

What works for me may not work for you. But I’ve seen several people posting about maintenance these past few days, so I thought I might share some things I wish I knew the first time around…

1. Don’t underestimate the mental difficulty of maintaining. You won’t have the thrill of seeing the scale go down…but you can’t start eating whatever you want, whenever you want, either. Maintenance is hard! You might feel unmotivated or even a little depressed once you stop trying to lose weight.
2. Good news: your TDEE is probably a lot higher than you think it is.
3. It’s best to eat about the same amount of calories every day, instead of bingeing/restricting to maintain.
4. Don’t freak out if you eat your TDEE ±300-ish. Calorie counts give you a good baseline, but that’s it—it’s impossible to know exactly how many calories your body will utilize, even if you weigh everything out. [[1](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/science-reveals-why-calorie-counts-are-all-wrong/)].
5. Many people experience extreme hunger/cravings after a long period of restricting. Your body is adjusting after being in an energy-deficient state for so long. Stay near your TDEE and the hunger/cravings should settle off after a few months.
6. Eat (mostly) nutrient-dense foods. You'll want junk food both physiologically and psychologically, but eating it--especially when you just start maintaining--will only make you want it more. Yes, a calorie’s a calorie, but it’s too easy to fall into the binge-restrict cycle if your blood sugar is constantly spiking.
7. If you’re really, truly craving something, make room for it in your caloric budget and eat it mindfully.
8. When you transition to maintenance, you’ll see an immediate jump on the scale from water weight. It’s not fat. It will come off in a week or so.
9. Take a few moments every day to reflect on why you want to maintain. Maybe you love your body. After all the pain your ED has put you through, you’re thrilled that you can finally do what you want, wear what you want, and feel confident going out. Or maybe you still think you look disgusting…but you’re feeling healthier. Your hair is shiny and your nails are thick and strong. Maybe you don’t even care how you look anymore. Maybe you’re just trying to stay alive. Whatever your reasons, try to remember why maintenance is important to you. You don’t have to be grateful; you have to remember why you’re doing this.
10. You can create the life you want for yourself. More than that, you deserve to create the life you want for yourself.
11. You've got this.

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[Rant/Rave] Panicking over exercice [rant]
/u/ultravi0lent [5' | CW: 194 lbs | SW: 211 | obese mess | F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 15:27:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w6rpd/panicking_over_exercice_rant/
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So I hurt myself recently and I'm unable to exercice: I barely can move my leg without pain and my back hurts as f. Which makes me completely panic about everything I eat. Lately I've been getting ~ 400 net calories per day (so eating ~ 600 calories) and I planned 589 for today (I can't eat any less tonight bc I'll be eating with my parents) which makes me panic because it's more than what I've been eating this week and I'm afraid I'll gain. meanwhile i know it hasn't any logic bc who the fuck gains weight eating 589 calories but still i fuckin wanna cry lol

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT] (Possible TW?) No foods are "safe" for me, I binge on everything I eat
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 25 15:17:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w6prd/rant_possible_tw_no_foods_are_safe_for_me_i_binge/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Myers-Briggs personalities [discussion]
/u/mace__face [5'6 | CW:112 | BMI:18.08 | GW:108 | F -16lbs]
Created: Sat Feb 25 15:16:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w6pov/myersbriggs_personalities_discussion/
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[removed]

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Accountability and good news.
/u/sewnp [5'6"/h8 myself/NB/UGW:90]
Created: Sat Feb 25 15:00:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w6mcv/accountability_and_good_news/
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[removed]

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[Goal] Goals for the next 24 hours
/u/Princess_FudderDudd
Created: Sat Feb 25 14:40:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w6ii0/goals_for_the_next_24_hours/
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Sometimes I can't even be a person for 24 hours without a game plan. This is one of those times: binged **hard** last night (and I can still feel it inside me this morning, which makes me just want to die), my apartment is a mess, I feel like I'm doing horribly in school, guilty about seeing friends and not being social, sleeping waaaayy too much (but still so tired, need to break the cycle!), I'm just having a not so great week.

So I'm making a plan, because action is the only way I'm getting out of this, and if you guys are not feeling so great either and want to tell me your plans for the next day, two days, week, month, or whatever time window you're focusing on, I'd love to hear!!

I'm going to take a shower, and head to a cafe to study

When I get home, I'm going to clean my apartment, enjoy a cup of tea, and go to bed early

Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up at a reasonable hour and find recipes for what I'm going to meal prep

At 1, I will head to the gym for my personal training session (power cleans, woo!!)

Then, I'll go to the grocery store and buy what I need to meal prep

I'll cook, clean up, and finish any school work I didn't get to today. Monday morning, I'm going to start waking up early again! I made a deal with myself: I have the option of going to the gym, meditating, doing yoga at home, cleaning, doing school work, whatever! I just have to wake up early. This take out some of the scariness I feel about waking up at 5 or 6am, because in my mind I associate it with the anxiety of what I normally do, which is tell myself I'm going to wake up and go to the gym, and it barely ever happens, and so then I start associating waking up early with failure. But I just need to learn to enjoy the mornings, and not set goals that are unrealistic for me. If I feel like going to the gym, then great!! If I want to relax and meditate for a bit, woo! That will be a great start to the day.

Anyways, this is more of a journaling session, lol. Sorry it got so long. But it really did make me feel better, I'm really thankful that I can post here and not be judged, even when its about me struggling to be a semblance of a functional person.

Do you have a game plan for stuff you're struggling with right now? If not we can brainstorm for things that would help! Hope everyone has a wonderful day :)

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[Rant/Rave] Super sick and discouraged
/u/olivia093 [5'1 | 155 | 29 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 13:46:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w680p/super_sick_and_discouraged/
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So lucky me ... I ended up getting VERY sick with the flu on Wednesday - now. Friday ended up getting an ear infection and today, pink eye in both eyes 😬. I missed A LOT of important exams and stuff at work. My immune system is so wonky right now.

Anyways, I've been feeling absolutely terrible. I feel so horrible for not being able to work out because I physically can't right now. I genuinely think I gained because all I've been doing is laying in bed. I set myself specific target dates and I'm worried it'll all go out the window :(

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[Tip] Tip for people who feel faint when standing!
/u/tinybabybear [5'6" | CW:138 | GW:115 | 22F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 13:17:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w62ii/tip_for_people_who_feel_faint_when_standing/
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I've had problems with blood pressure/circulation my whole life and it gets worse when I restrict. It's that "head rush" feeling you get when standing up quickly times 1000.

When you stand up, flex your thighs and butt! It helps move blood out of your legs and up to your head and can keep you from passing out.

Results may vary but it works for me 90% of the time.

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[Rant/Rave] jealous of teenagers for weird reason
/u/iwillbesmall [5'6" | 119lbs | F25 | GW: 99]
Created: Sat Feb 25 12:29:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w5t2c/jealous_of_teenagers_for_weird_reason/
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Weird moments.....So instead of being jealous of how small and skinny they are I was jealous a little the other day about how they just looked like WOMEN. They have butts...smalls waist..boobs...and im over here looking like i haven't even filled out yet. I mean don't get me wrong that is what I want. But it was weird. These girls looked like women and i felt almost inferior for some reason.
tl;dr I look like a child and for first time ever i was jealous people younger than me looked like women. it was a weird moment

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jealous of a teenager
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 25 12:28:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w5ss2/jealous_of_a_teenager/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Urgently need advice...
/u/enfinseul [5'6 | 105.4 | 17.08 | gw👻 | f]
Created: Sat Feb 25 12:21:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w5rav/urgently_need_advice/
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(I am sorry I cannot flair, I am on mobile right now.)

I am posting this a little in advance because I hope everyone can offer the most advice possible if they have any, it would be so appreciated.

I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday and in the two weeks since I have last been I have lost exactly 8lb. When I went last there was already concern expressed for my weight loss, and I do not want this to be a matter.

**Is there any trick you use to weigh in heavier than you are?**

I plan to layer my clothes and put on more jewelry -- sometimes I can be weighed with shoes on if we are distracted by conversation. But I am incredibly anxious for this visit and I don't want to talk about this with my doctor again, especially because this will be such a significant drop (4lb each week), and I am due for my period which may make me lose more before I go in.

I am so thankful in advance for any advice you could give. Moderators, if this trespasses onto the territory of advice that should not be asked for, I apologize and please remove.

tl;dr: what are ways you add weight to your body for clothes-on weigh-ins at the doctor?

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 25 11:11:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w5e0s/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/91d5e93168cb4d2aa72f8de0dee8646e?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=6bc174e47bdc237f8314e0a67a459263

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[Thinspo] Requesting your best thinspo for short girls??
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 25 10:55:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w5aqc/requesting_your_best_thinspo_for_short_girls/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] it's okay if thing are just O-K-A-Y
/u/WorstCunt [donkey brain]
Created: Sat Feb 25 10:20:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w547t/its_okay_if_thing_are_just_okay/
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I've realised over time that I am a perfectionist. I don't think I was but when I look at my point of view, I'm very particular. At school I was intelligent and top of the class for every subject, but I set that as a normative standard for me. Things must be a certain way and if they aren't it's like it never happened at all. So black and white, but life isn't black and white...

But! Recently I have been learning to let things go. Let things be *just okay*, They don't have to be perfect. Things can be ok and [dare I say it??] **HAPPY!**. I can be ok with things! Practising mindfulness has really helped me be aware in the moment instead of the grand plan of my messy mind,

It's still a bit of a disaster but I feel like giving myself that space to colour outside the lines is really helping. It's stupid but maybe someone else can use this too :)

Yeah just wanted a wee rant in a place where I know people 'get' it :D

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[Discussion] My mother is coming to visit.
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 210 lbs | 35 BMI | -65lbs | GW: 120 | 26F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 09:58:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w5006/my_mother_is_coming_to_visit/
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And that's great! Because she's awesome, and my kids are excited to see her - and I might actually get a very rare date night with my husband.

But - she had an ED for a very long time, still practices some pretty disordered eating habits. She knows I *used* to have an ED and is always on the lookout to make sure I'm not falling back into it.

...but I have fallen back in. And it is going to be really hard to stick with my routine for the next week. I usually stick to coffee during the day - have some dinner... and then depending on how "bad" I was at dinner, I'll purge. And that's going to be impossible.


Sorry, on mobile. Discussion.

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[Rant/Rave] Pivotal weight
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 155.9 | -41lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Sat Feb 25 09:47:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w4xy1/pivotal_weight/
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So I finally made it to 160, in line with my goal for this month, but then it was kind of bittersweet because 2 years ago I got back to this weight (from ~175) and started binging.

It was like I saw how far I still had to go and just lost hope. I know that won't happen this time but I can't help but be disappointed in myself, as if I didn't give up I could have definitely made it to my GW.

Can't wait to see the 150s again, I never even got the satisfaction last time!

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[Discussion] Let's talk fasting.
/u/DeusOff [5'7.5" | 118.8lb | 18.3 | -4lb | GW: 90lb | 19NB]
Created: Sat Feb 25 09:03:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w4px2/lets_talk_fasting/
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[removed]

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[Help] Anyone have an epub/pdf file of Brain over Binge?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 25 08:49:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w4ndv/anyone_have_an_epubpdf_file_of_brain_over_binge/
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[deleted]

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flabby chicken noodle
/u/princess_rat [5'5 | 108 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 07:16:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w48l1/flabby_chicken_noodle/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I am actually disgusting. [RANT]
/u/crybabybulimic [5'4" | 🙃 | -7 | GW: 100lbs |]
Created: Sat Feb 25 07:13:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w487z/i_am_actually_disgusting_rant/
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So today I had a big ol' binge - brownies, biscuits, bagels, ice cream, doughnuts - if it's a leading cause of diabetes, I ate it.

And when I felt ready to pop, I purged... SO I COULD GO BACK AND BINGE MORE.

I don't want to be like this anymore :(

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[Discussion] DAE have a morning routine? Here's mine. What's yours?
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 113 GW: 85 | -18 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 06:52:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w455e/dae_have_a_morning_routine_heres_mine_whats_yours/
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Not sure if this will help anyone, but I found that I've kind of hit a stride the past week and wanted to share! It's helped me keep my anxiety/depression at bay + has kept me from binging the whole week!

WEEKDAY MORNINGS ///

1. Wake up before my alarm clock at around 4:30AM. This is insane, I know. I sleep really early though, at like 9 or 10PM.
2. Contemplate the drama in my life, lay there as the crippling anxiety to start to set in...
3. Give myself until EXACTLY 5:00AM, then force myself to get out of bed and go to the gym.
4. From 5:00 - 6:00AM, jog/walk on the treadmill for an hour (drinking half a bottle of water every 30 minutes). Focusing on what makes me anxious and/or angry helps me run with more energy and makes the hour go by faster. :)
5. Leave the gym feeling accomplished, get into the shower right when I get home.
6. Take my meds, dress cute, do hair and makeup, and tidy my room.
7. Head out feeling on top of my shit + ready to slay the day. Stay busy and avoid sitting down for any meals with friends.

WEEKENDS ///

1. Wake up (at the same obscenely early hour), but then drink a big bottle of water and take my meds.
2. I try to have a small breakfast, either instant oatmeal or a Special K Pastry Crisp bar (both are 100 cal).
3. Since weekends are my ~dangerous binge days~ I check thinspo, this forum, k-pop videos, and old pictures of myself... that way I don't fall into binge mode because of whatever carbs I ate.
4. If I still feel like binging, I get on the scale and update my stats on here. That usually does it.
5. Hit the bathroom, then try to plan my day. Will maybs go to the library so I am working and away from food for an extended period of time.
6. I might try to gym tonight before I go to bed, since that'll help wipe me out and get me to sleep fast.

Do any of you have morning routines to help you control your ED/mental health?

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Feeling pretty discouraged
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 25 06:37:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w436u/feeling_pretty_discouraged/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Date night
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 06:33:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w42nd/date_night/
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I wish I didn't have to plan so fucking hard to make my SO happy and look normal and eat. We went to longhorn and I ate EVERYTHING. My binge was over 2000 because it's a restaurant and of course everything is fatty (and I'm an alchy but I don't even count those cals). I managed to sneak off to the toilet last night and get some of it up, so I do find comfort in that and my weekly cslories average out to be 1082. I'd prefer lower, but atleast that means I won't gain. I just wish I could be normal. I feel like a bad dog that got into the garbage. I want to be skinny and pretty and little but I want to be able to enjoy life. And make his life less miserable. Mine, too, I guess. It's just shitty. I have no idea what is safe anymore. How did I maintain 110-115 eating whatever I wanted before and now at 95 I'm terrified of EVERYTHING and foods I usually wouldn't count or care for are all suddenly binges. Everything is collapsing in on me 😿 I just want to enjoy life again. I want to live again. I want my sex drive back. But I want to be beautiful.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm so fed up!!
/u/Miss_Embie [5'6" | Forever Fucking Up.]
Created: Sat Feb 25 05:49:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w3xa1/im_so_fed_up/
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[removed]

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[Help] Harder to restrict after recovery?? & scales and body image not tallying?!
/u/xxx07v
Created: Sat Feb 25 05:28:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w3uvb/harder_to_restrict_after_recovery_scales_and_body/
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So I went through a period of recovery back in December last year and gained about 3kg. It was mostly around the abdomen and thigh area. There were period of extreme hunger and after awhile I felt gross again and went back to restricting (just less harsh) more like what I call a "high functioning ed". Not sure if it makes sense but basically, I would restrict and if I screw up, I'll take comfort in the fact that I've done this whole restriction thing before and I know what works and what doesn't.

Afterwards, I lost that 3kg and got back that body I had but felt much healthier. However, a feel weeks ago, extreme hunger came back and I went through a feel days of binging so i deceived to maintain for awhile. This led to somewhat losing my ed and actually forgetting that I even had one period so I just ate whatever I felt like (around 1500-2500 kcals). All this while I felt good and still in control cause my weight didn't really change much and my body looked the same but all of a sudden I feel LIKE I'VE LOST CONTROL AGAIN. I've been eating at maintenance but my brain keeps wanting me to eat even though I'm physically full. This time, I know I've gained numerically but strangely it doesn't really show on my body (or yet) and my friends keep commenting I look skinnier so I have no idea what the hell is happening. I feel gross just eating granola bars after dinner and snacks in between meals but my brain just won't let go that craving, preventing me from focusing on anything else . I thought doing it for a few days would be ok cause I'll react to my body's needs and it'll trust me again and I can take back the control but it's not working. Now I'm panicking cause what if I just lose control and just gain weight without knowing till I'm obese??! What's going on???! :(

(On mobile will flair later)

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! February 25, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Feb 25 05:14:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w3tcs/stupid_questions_saturday_february_25_2017/
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This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for February 25, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 25, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Feb 25 05:13:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w3tcb/daily_food_diary_february_25_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 25, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Goal] I made it to the 120's!!! Please be excited for me because I have no one else to tell lol
/u/invisibone [5'5" | CW 122.2 | F |]
Created: Sat Feb 25 04:38:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w3pnh/i_made_it_to_the_120s_please_be_excited_for_me/
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I am soooo fucking happy right now. I went to sleep at 6pm yesterday to make sure I didn't screw up my heavy restriction and it was worth it! For the first time in two years I've broken out of the 130's. Doesn't even feel real. In the last two years I've gone from 124 to 165 and FINALLY I'm back. Cannot believe that I've gained/lost about 80 lbs total. Probably more with the yo-yoing I did. Damn.

All my best clothes are starting to fit again and my confidence is starting to peek through again a bit. You know, since I hate myself a smidge less lol.

Anyway, thanks for letting me have my self indulgent celebration. It's been a long road of binging, purging, laxatives, and restriction. I should be tired, but I feel like I could conquer the world right now.

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[Rant/Rave] It took me 37 minutes to run a 5k today.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [28/F | SW: 105kg | CW: 51kg | GW 1: 45kg ( UGW: 39.9kg )]
Created: Sat Feb 25 03:54:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w3l0l/it_took_me_37_minutes_to_run_a_5k_today/
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Wot. WOT. Like, I was actually trying too.

37 minutes to run a 5k isn't bad at all if that is your natural pace or you're a beginner... but my comfortable talking pace ended up being 30m, just under, before I gained weight and now am restricting again. And that 30m was when I was restricting heavily still, when I was around 90lbs.. so I was pretty pleased I could run like that whilst heavily restricting.

I don't know whether my decrease in performance is the fact I've gained a bunch of weight, or because I've fasted and restricted heavily with very very few carbs most of this week after not doing so for a long time. Both perhaps? I've also not pushed my running at all the past few months, so maybe that too.

I think my plan going forward if I don't want my timed runs to suffer will be to.. lose this weight, so restrict (of course lol) but then the day before my timed runs, fill up on a bunch of carbs?

Shit dude feels badddd

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Anyone have some good expert ways to make it seem like I'm eating?
/u/Po-Wakea
Created: Sat Feb 25 02:44:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w3dtp/anyone_have_some_good_expert_ways_to_make_it_seem/
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[removed]

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[Help] Can someone explain saving calories?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'5 | CW: 149 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 25 02:08:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w3a8o/can_someone_explain_saving_calories/
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On mobile so no flair.
I hear people saying they saved their calories for x but I'm confused by what they mean, can someone explain this, please?

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[Rant/Rave] I want a box of sweets
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Sat Feb 25 00:24:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w2zfm/i_want_a_box_of_sweets/
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I want so bad to buy cookie dough, doughnuts, and baked treats after work. I want to eat them all and then purge. The only issue is that I can't. I can't do it bc I don't have the $ and my bf will be home all day. I'm glad I can't actually follow through with the urge, but geez the urge is strong. I'm still trying to hit the 130s. I literally have 5 pounds to go. I work m-f 0630-1500 and then fri-sat nights 2300-0730... I also have tests to take to get my degree finished up so I have to study a little bit. I plan on hitting the gym hard starting Monday and restricting until May 5th. My birthday is in April so that may be 1 cheat meal I allow. I have to take control of my body and my brain. No more no more. I also plan on starting my spray tan package back up in march so I want to lose some weight so I look better with my tan also 😎

Ultimate goal for May 5th is 130 or 125 whichever happens. Soooo yea... I need suggestions on how to not give into ridiculous cravings.


Mobile no flair

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[Rant/Rave] Back from recovery = ??
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 25 00:05:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w2x41/back_from_recovery/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] When does it change?
/u/DuckyShincracker [5'4 | 138.7 | 23.67 | -66.3lbs | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 23:46:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w2ux9/when_does_it_change/
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On mobile, please flair rant.

Went to a party tonight. Planned not to drink at all, but wound up having wine. A friend was there and she only had two glasses and left. Surely I could do that too. No, I had four glasses. I'm a wino. I'm a lush.

I had more than 1300 calories in total today. Maybe it doesn't sound like a lot. Maybe one day it won't. When can I stop freaking out about it? I'm not some emotional teenager, I'm 29!!! When does it end?! When do I stop freaking tf out?!? When?!?

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 24 22:24:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w2k99/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/ca513a157cc8483b941a18f567514628?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=c61b42e6bb6673240995a5481b538e21

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[Thinspo] Discovering music
/u/yougotmefeelinghigh
Created: Fri Feb 24 21:20:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w2awo/discovering_music/
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So I was making an ed playlist and ended up falling absolutely in love with this one album, Cause and Effect by Maria Mena. Her voice is beautiful. The lyrics are dark and hold great amounts of truth in them. I was listening to her sing unable to multitask on anything else. I loooooove everything about it. What can I say? I'm a sucker for the sad songs.

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Groupchat
/u/Ayeeitseli
Created: Fri Feb 24 20:54:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w270d/groupchat/
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[removed]

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[Help] I can't figure out out to actually have energy. Please help 😢
/u/Po-Wakea
Created: Fri Feb 24 20:54:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w26z2/i_cant_figure_out_out_to_actually_have_energy/
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Fasting or even eating 500 or less cals, I can barely function. I drink water, diet coke.. And I still black out when I try walking. How do I fix that?

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[Rant/Rave] When will it stop?
/u/3cool0jacket [5'5'' | 155 | 26.10 | -10 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 20:54:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w26y2/when_will_it_stop/
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my first rant! yay. I just got back from Olive Garden. Places that have all you can eat anything are a total MIND FUCK for me, especially when they're hot and crowded and I'm like just let me get at more of that shitty, shitty salad and those breadsticks. I feel so fucking discouraged that I keep on binging and overeating and I just want it to stop and I just want a normal relationship with food. Will there ever be a day where I can just eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full? People do that, right? What will it take for me? I hate how fat my arms are and my stomach is and even my chest and my thighs and my face and on the days when I overeat I just imagine that I'm growing larger by the second even though I know it takes more time than that and I feel so alone. So yeah.

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[Rant/Rave] The new guy I started seeing is so skinny
/u/alonelyturd [5'0 | 93.8 lb]
Created: Fri Feb 24 20:44:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w25fn/the_new_guy_i_started_seeing_is_so_skinny/
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guys

I straight up grope his wrists
Like he thinks I'm going to hold his hand but nope, going to feel up those wristbones

My ex was thinspo because he was literally twice my weight, and could fit his fingers around both of my wrists held together
And he loved when I did the "cool girl who can eat anything" act in front of him
And I know he stopped sleeping with his ex because she got so skinny it scared him, and I wanted to be so skinny it scared him too

But now there's a new boy, and he's just actual thinspo because he is tiny and I need to be worthy of that

Anyways I'm sick, sorry for shitposting

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[Rant/Rave] "wow, that's a huge piece of cake!"
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 20:11:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w20c1/wow_thats_a_huge_piece_of_cake/
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My boyfriend got a huge, decadent cake and said I could have as much as I want. It was my cheat day (don't do this a lot but every once in a while it's necessary for me). So I got a piece of his cake. And he comments on how much cake I got. Kill me.

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[Goal] Anyone here that's five foot tall? What's you goal weight?
/u/bigfaninasmallworld
Created: Fri Feb 24 19:23:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w1sfd/anyone_here_thats_five_foot_tall_whats_you_goal/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I've been stuck at around the same weight for 4 months and it's driving me insane
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 24 19:21:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w1rxr/ive_been_stuck_at_around_the_same_weight_for_4/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE (over)exercise and feel extra bloated/swollen? [exercise addiction]
/u/mna777
Created: Fri Feb 24 18:48:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w1mmw/dae_overexercise_and_feel_extra_bloatedswollen/
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I know I'm addicted to exercise, I'm addicted to running. I wake up at 4 am to run at least 4 miles everyday and some days I like it but other times I hate it. I've started feeling like my legs are too muscley and I'm losing my thigh gap, but I can't stop exercising. I feel like it also makes me extra hungry, and maybe somewhat "fluffy" because it's too much cardio and not strength training. I just feel trapped and the idea of stopping exercising is absolutely terrifying to me.

Have any of you guys gone through or overcome an exercise addiction?

I think I need to prove to myself that I can have the body I want without exercise. I want to be somewhat toned, but also just small and dainty. Running so much is clearly not getting me there but I don't know how to make myself believe that there's any other way.

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[Other] Found this cute measuring tape to make body checking not as miserable
/u/vulpixies [5'4" | CW 123 | GW 110 | 23F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 18:42:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w1lge/found_this_cute_measuring_tape_to_make_body/
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http://i.imgur.com/rJFno4E.jpg

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[Discussion] Can we talk about root vegetables?
/u/toadally-grody [174.5cm / 47.9 / 15.7 / maintaining / F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 18:23:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w1ic2/can_we_talk_about_root_vegetables/
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On mobile, add discussion flair. Also my stats need updating.

So basically most of my diet is fruit and veg and I don't really count the calories in it.

I weighed a large swede tonight out of interest and it was 800g. That's about 300kcal. Why am I ok with eating that but not 300kcal bread? It's like not all calories are equal in my eyes.

I just let myself eat root veg because that's the stodgiest stuff I can handle. Is this bad? I think I feel better about it because I always have a good bowel movement after. Sorry if TMI.

How do you guys feel about them?

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[Help] Roommates
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 24 18:16:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w1h4r/roommates/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My mom made me drink this thing and now I went over my calorie limit
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Fri Feb 24 17:08:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w14hi/my_mom_made_me_drink_this_thing_and_now_i_went/
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My mom bought this drink that is supposed to give you energy. She kind of like made me drink it. I think she's catching on that something is up bc she asked if I ate dinner. Anyways. I'm kind of mad. I went over my calorie limit. Luckily it's only 25 calories that I went over, but still. I'm going to cut out an extra 25 calories tomorrow now.

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Kik group
/u/Ayeeitseli
Created: Fri Feb 24 16:36:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w0yjs/kik_group/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Post binge self-care? <3
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 52.5 kg | 19.28 | 18 f]
Created: Fri Feb 24 16:31:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w0xjd/post_binge_selfcare_3/
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Long story short is i ate what a full grown man should eat in a day in a couple of hours. What do you guys do to "get clean"? I have this on my list so far:

* take a nice, long, steaming hot shower. Wash and shave everything. Apply moisturizer after drying off

* repaint nails

* clean room

* drink a can (or 4) of tea

* go for a relaxing walk

* make some DIY stuff for my room

* on that note, hang up those three posters (gotta stop the procrastination)

* read

* play sims (lol)

* water all the plants in the house

* and most importantly: eat! not going to set myself up for another binge

* so prepare healthy, filling, low-cal food

I'm on my way to bed now, i feel super nauseous and all around terrible. But tomorrow will be good and i will be kind to myself. Any ideas for post binge self care? What do you guys do post binge? (Besides cry yourself to sleep haha lol^kill ^me )

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[Help] Beginner help
/u/bigfaninasmallworld
Created: Fri Feb 24 16:21:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w0vpw/beginner_help/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] going to try recovery (again)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 24 16:18:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w0v4i/going_to_try_recovery_again/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Music while dizzy?
/u/DuckyShincracker [5'4 | 138.7 | 23.67 | -66.3lbs | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 16:06:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w0sn0/music_while_dizzy/
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On mobile, please Flair discussion.

So, I don't know if this is weird, but does anyone else have a particular type of music they like to listen to when you're feeling kind of dizzy? Like, I love listening to Thievery Corporation when I'm a little dizzy because it's so chill, I almost feel like I'm floating or kind of high... is that weird? LOL! What about you all?

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[Rant/Rave] Fat logic therapist
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 155.9 | -41lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Fri Feb 24 15:34:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w0m9i/fat_logic_therapist/
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Does anyone else have one of these? Everything I feel ~is related to restricting~ despite her knowing my long history of depression. Like today I was saying how my period was abnormally short (main topic was I was irritable due to hormone-less periods now) but I just got a copper iud in December so they're not that regular yet and she goes: it could be because you're malnourished. Yeah, with 30% body fat I'm experiencing amenorrhea.

I feel existential dread despite enjoying my job: it's because restricting is making me tired (or maybe it's still my depression perhaps???).
If I ate more I'd lose weight faster (wrong).
My body's going to go into starvation mode soon (doesn't exist).
If I just stop looking at calories, I'll relax and lose weight (how do you think I got huge in the first place???).

I seriously am at my wits' end with this fat logic. I only told her about it so I could try to sort out where it's coming from, I don't need her fallacies. It's gotten to the point where I'm about to not schedule my next appointments... I used to look forward to getting to express my emotions but now I kind of dread it.

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[Discussion] "Take a break from your ED" - What does it mean to you?
/u/cannibale101 [5'4" | Not happy with this anymore]
Created: Fri Feb 24 15:19:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w0j3t/take_a_break_from_your_ed_what_does_it_mean_to_you/
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What comes to your mind when you think of saying "fuck you, get out" to the storm, just for a moment, like an impulsive (obviously temporary) snap out?

To me the first thing that comes is sleep. I want to sleep infinitely, that's the most relieving idea i have. "My happy place", i guess. Being awake is exhausting.

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[Help] Malnutrition causing nausea?
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Fri Feb 24 14:46:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5w0cf1/malnutrition_causing_nausea/
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Lately I have been feeling physically sick very often, like I'm about to throw up. I've been eating the same things I usually do, and the same amount (>500 calories per day) so I'm not sure if it's related to my eating or something else. I was thinking it's very possible that I could be malnourished, and I was wondering if anyone has had a similar experience or has any advice.
Thanks in advance!

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[Help] Swinging back and forth from extremes... expecting a binge any day now. How to stop/avoid it?
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 113 GW: 85 | -18 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 13:29:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vzw8u/swinging_back_and_forth_from_extremes_expecting_a/
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Hi all.

So my ED is pretty wild: I'm either eating everything or eating nothing for days at a time. I've posted about it a bit already, but I had a major falling out with my boyfriend and haven't eaten anything for 3 days now. I'm starting to get headaches and can't stay up so I'm trying to eat even if I don't feel like it... I'm just scared once I start eating it'll turn into a full weekend of binging. I don't even care about the cals, I care about getting bloated and nauseated and dead tired because I literally ate more than my stomach could hold. Any tips? Really really worried.

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[Rant/Rave] Weight Milestones
/u/dirtandherbs [5'3 | CW 96 | GW 93 | BMI 17.0 | 23F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 13:21:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vzuft/weight_milestones/
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On Mobile, will flair when I get home... feel free to tag as a rant.

For me I have a couple of weight milestones that I get stuck on for 2-3 days until I can push past it. 101 is the one I just passed. The next milestones are 98 and 96. I finally made it to 100 and am just feeling a little disappointed. I worked for this for how long and that's it? How is it my body still looks so bad? I'm thin but not where I want to be. I still have more work to do.

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[Rant/Rave] I need to get some shit off my chest
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Fri Feb 24 12:30:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vzjgg/i_need_to_get_some_shit_off_my_chest/
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I used to just lurk here, and occasionally try to make helpful comments, but i've been a lot more active lately as my life becomes more and more unbearable as the days go by.

I like to consider myself a recovered bulimic. For many years, I binged and purged daily, sometimes once a day, sometimes several with no recovery in sight. I moved away with my fiance to a new area 2 years ago, and couldn't purge with him being around. I gained weight. Found a new way of eating. Lost weight without purging. Was happy for a while. I thought I had found the solution and fixed all my problems.

Fast forward to now. We moved to a new city after our work place was raided by police. Set up shop in a new area, where we shouldn't face any legal trouble. He works most days, and I stay home playing the role of the house wife for now, I guess. We will not have any money until April & are being funded by an investor until then. It sucks. I tried to get a part time job, but my record scares every employer away. The new house has no appliances, and every time he receives money from the investor, he spends it on fast food, weed, and alcohol. The diet that keeps me from bulimic episodes requires a fridge at least. He refuses to get even a mini fridge, eats take out garbage all day, and doesn't seem to care about my well being.

So what do I do? I subsist off of quest bars, tuna cans, and coffee, of course. If I ate any of the food he ate, I would throw it up. This house is cold, empty, there's no internet, no food I can eat, and I found out this morning that our bed has FLEAS in it for some reason. We don't have a pet.

Since I am not making the money and I can't get a job, I feel like I have no say in anything. No power anymore. I've got nothing. We were supposed to be partners, but since he's the only one dealing with the business side of it, I've been pushed aside. I know he just doesn't want to work with me.

I feel imprisoned. I asked him if he could pick me up a quest bar on the way home from work this morning. When he got home, he said he had forgotten. I opened another can of tuna, and cried.

I know it's not going to be like this forever, but for now, the best option to me in this situation is weight loss. And that makes me sad. Really, really sad, as somebody who managed to overcome the beast that is bulimia only to be diving headfirst into anorexia for textbook reasons.

I'm going to head to the store to buy....more quest bars in a little bit. This house has no heat, and I'm in bed with the fleas, because I can't stand to be around him right now. I have therapy next week, and i'm looking forward to discussing these matters. But for the unseeable future.. all i'm looking forward to is hitting double digits.

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[Tip] ED and Dating tips and advice?
/u/CuppyCakesLovey [5'5 | CW:97 | BMI:16.14 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 11:35:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vz791/ed_and_dating_tips_and_advice/
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Was just wondering on how this would work? Espcially when they ask you out to eat on the first date. Would love some advice since it has been a while since I have been out there in the mix. Thank you all and TGIF

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[Intro] New to the group
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 24 11:23:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vz4lp/new_to_the_group/
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Hey group! New here — been struggling with overeating and binging my whole life and haven't really sought any support for it. I went through a good period last year where I was losing weight and eating felt *okay* but holidays were rough and it feels like I gained a bunch of weight back (I'm not weighing myself to help stay sane so I don't know for sure) and I'm frustrated and mad and wish I could just be thin like I was three months ago (even though the difference is probably minimal) So I'm here! Yay. Looking forward to struggling with other people.

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[Tip] Was about to impulsively go to the bakery but instead impulsively made these meringue cookies instead. THIRTY FIVE cookies for 30 cal!
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105.2 | GW 95]
Created: Fri Feb 24 09:15:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vybwd/was_about_to_impulsively_go_to_the_bakery_but/
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I'm sure sugar free meringues is old news to y'all but I'm just SO happy with how these turned out. I've had bad results with goopy ugly sugar free meringues before but these were crispy, light, and delicious with no weird aftertaste.

http://i.imgur.com/bt68YXU.jpg

http://imgur.com/c5MiFDd

Just look at that texture!! Felt like real cookies!

I vaguely followed this recipe http://alldayidreamaboutfood.com/2012/06/shannons-sugar-free-meringues-low-carb-and-gluten-free.html using 2 medium egg whites and 2.5 tbsp truvia (splenda does NOT work). Didn't have cream of tartar but that wasn't a problem. I used strawberry extract but couldn't really taste it so next time I'm gonna try vanilla, lemon, and cocoa versions instead. Using a piping bag I was able to make 35 1-inch cookies.

On my baking kick I also tried out these sugar free marshmallows http://purelytwins.com/2013/02/08/how-make-sugarfree-marshmallows-gelatin/ that are still setting so I'll let you guys know how those go. Would be great to have marshmallows with my almond milk hot cocoa.

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[Thinspo] Is it just me or do NSFW subs have the best thinspo? (x-post r/AsianHotties)
/u/FuckItFoodFree [5'3 | 92.6lbs/42.0blazeit kgs | 16.5 | -18 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 08:39:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vy4ao/is_it_just_me_or_do_nsfw_subs_have_the_best/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/bb4c0d2d91fa460e9c01e2ae9b883842?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=81baa5745ea0586fb51edcd6d1374b39

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[Other] Alcohol
/u/borrow_our_light [5'7| 134.4lbs | 21.78 BMI | -27.2lbs | F | GW 115]
Created: Fri Feb 24 08:16:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vxzf6/alcohol/
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I'm in this weird head place where even the thought of food is making me sick, which hasn't ever happened before unless I had the flu. It's like my body is just to tired to eat, it's so strange. But... apparently I have no aversion to alcohol, I am actually craving it which is weird bc I don't like the flavors at all. Also without eating and being a lightweight, drinking isn't the best option.

Idk I'm rambling. I wish I could just go back to restricting


I'm on mobile can't flair sorry

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[Rant/Rave] I think my ED is getting worse, and I'm happy. This is messed up
/u/venetianrosequartz [5'7"|CW 165|HW 165|LW 130|GW 135|UGW 112|WL 0| BMI 25.8|Female]
Created: Fri Feb 24 06:43:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vxhya/i_think_my_ed_is_getting_worse_and_im_happy_this/
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Even though clinically and mentally my anxiety and depression are almost non existent now (yay), my eating disorder is getting worse. I've always blamed my anxiety for causing my ED so why ???

The past few weeks have been spiraling behavior. I've been binging at least once a day, purging every few, and as of today I chewed and spit for the first time. I can definitely see why purging and c&s are addicting behaviors. I was so tempted to chew and spit more, but I managed to stop myself because all I could think about was how ugly I probably look doing it.

Now that I think about it, that's probably why I have an ED. I'm obsessed with being beautiful. Unless I feel like I crawled up from hell, I slather makeup on and wear heels and try to do my hair and look good. It makes me happy sometimes, but most of the time I feel like a fraud. People tell me I'm pretty, and on good days I can see why, but on bad days I'm a huge ugly fat troll. I spend all my time and money trying to be more beautiful. Maybe if I buy this product, I'll be pretty and love myself. Maybe if I walk for three hours, I'll be toned and love myself. Maybe if I starve myself, then binge and purge, I'll be thin and love myself.

My binging has gotten worse. I think I'm trying to compensate for all the stress I'm going through (moving out and getting a new job) so I keep putting on weight, which makes me hate myself more and makes me more stressed so I binge more. But between the binges, there have been blessings.

There are moments where all I eat is a cup of soup, or drink water, or eat ice or bean sprouts and I stop. There are moments where I eat nothing at all, almost for a while days. This is what I honestly live for. When I restrict, I feel beautiful. I feel complete. I feel happy.

The dizziness that comes with not eating makes me miserable, of course, but also deep within, giddy. I'm losing weight. I'm slimming up. I'll be pretty.

I hope my binges stop. I hope my purging stops and I hope I stop c&s. But I hope I never stop restricting. I want to be consumed by my ED in that aspect.

I know it's unhealthy and I know it has long term consequences, but it feels like my mental stability is dependent on the scale.

This has been a really long ramble, sorry. Thank you for reading, and my apologies for not being able to flair as rant/rave, I'm on mobile.

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[Rant/Rave] EDs and Jealousy
/u/peanutbutteredbanana
Created: Fri Feb 24 05:58:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vxb4h/eds_and_jealousy/
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I have a friend who is downright jealous of my eating disorder. I'm sick of her pointing out in front of everyone that I never eat, talking about how skinny I am and just making fun of me. I know she only does it because she's insecure about her body but jfc, does she think I want to have this?! It's a fucking deadly mental illness, you don't want it and you shouldn't be jealous!! The friend was making fun of me with some other girls and compared me to "an emaciated monster". Gotta love drama, but come on. My friend knows about my struggles with my ED and she still does shit like this. Anyone know how to deal with it?/: sorry for ranting

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[Goal] Finally lasted over a day!
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|GW:120 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 05:57:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vxavh/finally_lasted_over_a_day/
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No food! I haven't eaten in over 24 hours and counting! I'm so happy I was finally able to control myself after so long!! I only got like 3 hours of sleep but now I'm past the hunger pains so I'll ride this out and see how long I can go without eating. I am visiting my family this weekend so I'll prolly end up eating a little something by the end of the day but here's hoping!

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! February 24, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Feb 24 05:17:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vx5fs/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for February 24, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host-- Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 24, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Feb 24 05:17:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vx5fb/daily_food_diary_february_24_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 24, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Tip] Water retention can show on the body, not just the scale.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [28/F | SW: 105kg | CW: 51kg | GW 1: 45kg ( UGW: 39.9kg )]
Created: Fri Feb 24 05:06:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vx3x5/water_retention_can_show_on_the_body_not_just_the/
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After a few months of a restrict-binging cycle, turned to outright binging when I 'allowed' myself to eat to 'bulk', turned to eating at maintenance with some subtle overeating thrown in, I've gained a bunch of weight.

I was absolutely distraught at how I looked. My stomach was so fat and wobbly, my face incredibly puffy and wobbly to the point of having a double chin, my hands were chubby - my wrist bones completely gone. With my binge urges and ravenous hunger having died down completely, I went back to restricting.

Last four days I have fasted twice, and kept at 300 cal twice. I was surprised at how easy it was after being stuck in ravenous hunger for so long - even before I cracked and ended up binging, I was battling hunger every day trying to restrict. However, what I am more surprised about is how much my body has deflated.

I'm no stranger to water weight, even semi-large amounts of water and bloat weight, but I still had NO IDEA someone could retain so much that it affects how the body looks to that extreme.

I still feel fat, have absolutely gained a LOT of real mass, and I still want to lose.. but it's not as bad as I thought. While I still consider myself pretty fat/chubby right now, the difference between now and four days ago is still extreme. The appearance of double chin has lessened, my stomach doesn't look pregnant anymore and not as flabby (although so much weight has still gone to my torso eurghghghg), my arms and hands no longer puffy and quite as chubby looking. I HAVE WRIST BONES BACCKKKKkk.

I thought I'd post this if it helped someone else avoid such horrible feelings about themselves and panic, if they are coming out of an overeating or binging phase <3 And to just generally let the people who, like me, didn't realise that water weight can have quite such an extreme effect on appearance that.. well.. apparently it can!

(**Note**: I'm not advocating going back to severe restriction after a period of binging/overeating *at all* - I'm just using this to point out that you may see extra weight on your body that is *not* fat and *not* permanent, and has the ability to go away once your body has chucked the water weight off no matter how it does that.. whether forced due to restriction, or just getting back some balance!)

Still aint weighing myself for shit though lol, I'd break down and cry I'm pretty sure fuck thattt.

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[Rant/Rave] I need people to tell me to come to my senses.
/u/xParabola [5'7 | 150.3 | 23.46 | -13.9 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 01:05:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vwcfh/i_need_people_to_tell_me_to_come_to_my_senses/
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So, I want to start off by saying I was never diagnosed with an ED, nor do I "identify" myself to have an ED. I do not wish to develop an ED, I do not wish an ED upon others. All I know is that I have struggled with insecurity, mainly revolving my appearance and that since the last couple years (the years I moved away from my parents, really) I may have been adopting what others would perceive as "wrong" behavior revolving food.

Restricting is only so much, though the reason I'm writing right now after lurking for so long is because I purged for the fourth time in my life. I know this doesn't sound like a big deal, but it is to me.

The first time was somewhere in 2015. It was a small amount and I told myself I'd never do it again. Lately, I have been losing weight succesfully. More succesfully than before, as I'm currently at a weight I haven't been in roughly 7 years, so I think you can understand my happiness about this, even though I still have way more to lose.

Because I've been so succesful, not just at restricting, but also at eating healthier, and exercising much more, I've also become REALLY paranoid about slip ups. The last few weeks, every time I've binged, I have purged right after. The second time it happend, I again told myself "never again", and yet it happened two more times this month. The difference being that I moved from "I'm purging, what am I doing, stop now" and stopping, to "trying to get everything out".

I have very mixed feelings, and I'm sorry if anyone is disgusted with me. I am disgusted with myself.. and disappointed, sad, angry, confused, but also.. happy and relieved? Like I have undone damage.

I don't want to start "liking" this or "this becoming normal". I need some people to tell me to stop. I'll admit, I'm weak, that's why I often need the voice of others.

I'm sorry for venting.. I wish I was just content with myself, but I've been lost for years, and this is the first time I've reached out. Please bear with me..

Edit: Sorry if my English makes no sense. Not a native speaker and currently very tired/confused. :/

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[Discussion] Public kik chat struggles
/u/FuckItFoodFree [5'3 | 92.6lbs/42.0blazeit kgs | 16.5 | -18 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 24 00:39:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vw9d9/public_kik_chat_struggles/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I can't even play Sims 3 without my eating disorder chiming in
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 23:07:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vvxnm/i_cant_even_play_sims_3_without_my_eating/
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Okay, so I've made a family in Sims 3. Ihaven't played the game in a while and it's really distracting. However, of course I'm so fucked in the head that I can't do anything without projecting myself into it.

I will only let my simmers eat my safe-foods. Which means, garden salad, all the time. I think one of my simmers tried to make macaroni and cheese and I have never canceled an action so fast. My teenage daughter ended up going hungry to school.

Also, I ain't about designing males so I've made a sweet lesbian couple. I've made sure to make them both an athletic curvy. And giving them all the 'confident' and 'strong' traits ~~I don't have mommy issues what are you talking about~~

With them being a lesbian couple, I've adopted all my children. The two oldest are both thin~~I'm so fucking jealous of the girl she's an actual nymph~~ but the youngest was... Chubby.

So what did I do? Time to turn on testingcheatsenabled and take her out of school, so I could have her lift weights until she lost it all. Now, that my ~~fictional~~ child has lost weight the healthy way, she won't develop an eating disorder.

What is wrong with me?

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[Rant/Rave] I lost my ass
/u/pointmass [5'6" | 104 | 16.85 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 22:27:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vvrpr/i_lost_my_ass/
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The other day, my SO casually said "you've lost your ass." And today, he said he could see my tailbone. He's been weighing me regularly. And I ate almost 2,000 calories today because he kept giving me food, making me eat.

I want to recover, I really do. I liked having a full booty. But right now I feel effing sad. I'm so conflicted. I want to increase my intake to gain back my butt, but am worried all the fat will go to the wrong places. I feel bad for eating so much today. Every single day fight myself to eat around my maintenance and maybe I'll allow myself to slowly go up to 108 lbs... idk. I hate myself.

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[Rant/Rave] Had to eat a fair bit yesterday :(
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 145lbs | BMI 21.47 |- 19lbs | GW 130lbs | 24F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 22:15:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vvpze/had_to_eat_a_fair_bit_yesterday/
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Yesterday I had to stay really safe and take the morning after pill because the condom broke and I REALLY don't want a baby.

I was doing SO well with my food intake for that day.

The pharmacist was like "have you eaten today ? Because if not, the pill can make you really nauseous and make you throw up, which means you'd have to come back and get another one."

So I had a low calorie vegan pastry and a low calorie chocolate bar. However this triggered an almighty binge of curry AND sushi later.

All I'm glad is that I didn't just break open a bag of crisps and go to town.

Trying to think of today being a new day and I can control everything better.

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[Help] Should I try EC stack with generalized anxiety disorder?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 23 21:56:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vvmsb/should_i_try_ec_stack_with_generalized_anxiety/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Recording daily weight: first weigh in or lowest weigh in? [discussion]
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 20:41:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vva5q/recording_daily_weight_first_weigh_in_or_lowest/
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I KNOW I'm not the only one in here who weighs themselves multiple times a day- fellow obsessed, which weight do you log? First or best?

No flair mobile as usual sorry team

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For those who freak out about not losing weight while working out!
/u/DahliaDubonet [SCREAMING INTERNALLY]
Created: Thu Feb 23 20:23:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vv6xe/for_those_who_freak_out_about_not_losing_weight/
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http://www.delish.com/food-news/a51698/adrienne-osuna-fitness-instagram/?src=socialflowFB

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[Rant/Rave] i can't wait until i go to college
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 139 | GW: 90 | F/18]
Created: Thu Feb 23 19:57:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vv26d/i_cant_wait_until_i_go_to_college/
---
Whenever we have no food I like eating in the house, I have barely any cravings because I won't want to eat food that's not in the kitchen anyways. I can't wait until I can just give away all the food and candy I'm given to other students. I've been binge eating for the past week and I'm so terrified to weigh myself. I'll be in college finally this September and it'll be really easy to get rid of food before it becomes a problem!!! Then no more cravings. I'm already massive and can't let myself get the so-called "Freshman 15". Maybe I'll get a reverse freshman 15 lmao.

---

Am I overlooking something with this nutrution info? Do I trust MFP or the box? I'm getting overly anxious because I've been eating popcorn a lot lately thinking it was way fewer calories than MFP says it is!
/u/Scooter_Boots [5'4.5" | CW Magnificent Land Whale | GW 115 | 27F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 19:31:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vuxcv/am_i_overlooking_something_with_this_nutrution/
---
http://imgur.com/SFnw1lt

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Thu Feb 23 19:30:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vux79/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/830c7ee11ef040c3bd70fa0baa9272f7?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=4a03278186fcc732dd169f1710c08c77

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[Intro] New to this sub
/u/missellie514 [5'5" | SW 160 | CW 154 | GW 125 | 22F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 19:06:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vusy3/new_to_this_sub/
---
Hey guys, i just discovered this sub a few weeks ago, and i love the support ive seen. Ive had a really touch month. For years i have been binging/purging, but ive usually kept it to a minimum (maybe once or twice a month) i felt in control. Last month i got laid off at work, and i have been thrown into a downward spiral of depression. Going from a 12 hour a day job at the hospital to just sitting at home all day has really taken a toll on me. I find myself binging and purging up to six times a day. Its gotten out of hand and i can't stop. Its been a month where i have purged at least four times a day. I could really use some support right now...

---

[Help] Maintenance?
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Thu Feb 23 18:36:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vuni1/maintenance/
---
Can't flair on mobile, sorry.

I decided to start maintaining, as I think I am at the perfect spot between feeling okay about myself (could always be skinnier, but oh well) and having people fooled (if I lose much more I will be in store for some kind of intervention, which i really can't have right now).

How do I do this? I understand CICO and TDEE, but I feel like there's no way I will keep the same body on 2300c a day as I do on 800-1000.
The science of it makes sense, but it's really really hard to make my brain believe I won't gain anything by doubling my calories daily.

Any and all thoughts, experiences, advice, knowledge, suggestions, etc etc welcome here...

---

[Discussion] Maintenance?
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW110 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 18:33:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vumw3/maintenance/
---
I know I've posted something similar before but my anxiety is all over the place and I just need to ask again.

I have to get my life together. I can't breath properly, my heart rate is all over the place, my hair is falling out, my blood pressure is fucked up, I'm covered in bruises, and I can't sleep. I know I need to eat more but I'm terrified I'll gain weight. I think if I knew my maintenance calories I could learn to accept eating that much. I'll have to. But I need to know that number is actually correct. I'm not underweight, but the speed at which I've been losing weight has caused my family/friends/doctors concern and I know if I don't stop soon they will try and intervene.

Now that my anxiety fueled ramble there is done and gone with (thanks for keeping with me through that, been under a lot of stress lately) I'll move on to what I'm asking.

So I've decided that my new goal weight is 110. This will be the number I cannot go below. 115 will be the number I cannot go above. I exercise daily, either 30 minutes of cardio in the morning or 30 minutes of weight lifting (not a lot for either but it is enough to give me some toning). I also walk on average 8-10 miles a day.

Depending on the activity level I choose, I get anywhere from 1200 to 1800 calories as maintenance. I'm looking for any guidance on what sounds right. I know that maybe this isn't the best sub to ask nutritional advice on, but it's really the only one I know to ask on. Thanks in advance for any advice!

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It's OK that he left me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 23 18:26:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vulkk/its_ok_that_he_left_me/
---
[deleted]

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It's OK that he left me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 23 18:17:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vujsm/its_ok_that_he_left_me/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] Stupid ED is ruining everything I enjoy
/u/butilikeadacookie [5'5" | UGW: 110 | Female]
Created: Thu Feb 23 17:40:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vucpy/rant_stupid_ed_is_ruining_everything_i_enjoy/
---
Just a rant. I got tickets to the ballet as an early birthday present. I love the ballet, I used to dance before I got an autoimmune disease that causes me pain 24/7. I figured it would be a wonderful night as I haven't gone to the ballet in years as it is so expensive. I was fine for the first act, apart from my usual anxiety of going out around people. Second act starts and all I can see are teensy arms, collarbones, chest ribs, and how perfect their legs are. Men and women, and I can no longer focus on the story, all I can feel is my flabby fatness molding to the seat. Trying to force myself to focus on the actual dancing and story was so hard, and made it almost impossible to enjoy with that stupid ED voice in my head telling me how fat I am and how I must weigh the same as 4 dancers. Today I am getting nauseous just looking at food, I am avoiding mirrors, anything reflective. I just want to go back to appreciating and wishing, not this mind destroying constant narration in my head.

Sorry, just needed to rant, and here is the only place that I can. Thank you for listening.

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate everything it's like I'm destined for this to not work
/u/frustratedwithfat [F | 5'7" | SW 160, CW 143, GW 123, UGW 113]
Created: Thu Feb 23 17:29:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vuaf9/i_hate_everything_its_like_im_destined_for_this/
---
So I'm trying to lose as much as possible this week with an upcoming formal event that I want to look perfect for.

Things are going well most of the time but now I'm tired and feel weak, like all my limbs are too heavy. Had a protein bar and a teeny bit of sugar so just waiting for that to kick in.

I want some vodka. I wanna smoke some weed. I can feel myself getting bloated again even though I was JUST losing the fluid and the event is Saturday.

And the straw that is breaking my fucking back now.

My scale died.

I had no screwdriver to open it, tried all the little metal things I could find to try to get the screw off, and in the end freaked and broke the battery cover off...

Only to find it runs on a button cell lithium battery which I obviously do not have.

Fuck this fuck that fuck everything

---

[Discussion] What supplements do you guys take?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 23 17:28:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vuaa6/what_supplements_do_you_guys_take/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Just a thank-you to my SO because I can't actually tell him this
/u/neuro-fuzzy [5'6.3| CW: ~110 ☹ | BMI: ? | LW 98 | GW 108 | 20F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 16:09:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vtu6m/just_a_thankyou_to_my_so_because_i_cant_actually/
---
He's always made fun of me for how little it seems like I eat. I binge in secret, but that's a different matter.. I'll finish my plate of food at a restaurant and he'll be like "OMG that's the most I've ever seen you eat" and we've been together since July. He's so familiar with my body that he'll notice if I've lost even a few pounds.

He'll give me tiny servings if he cooks, be totally cool with me just having a glass of wine for dinner if that's all I'm feeling, and he doesn't bother me about it.

This summer I was severely underweight (bmi 16.0), and now that I've gained he's obsessed with my body and thinks I'm perfect. So I don't feel totally bad about how I look. Just mostly. But I can always look to him for some source of external reassurance.

Anyway, I so appreciate how he understands that this is my life (he's seen me go to the ED clinic, he's seen me freak out about my weight on a routine basis). He's encouraging of me having a positive self-image, understanding about my feelings towards food, and still knows I love sweet things and encourages but doesn't force me to get them if I don't want to.

I love him. He's pretty cool. :)

---

[Help] I fear that my binging isn't due to restriction anymore
/u/foldedpapercranes [5'6'' | 105lbs | bmi 17| F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 16:06:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vttpr/i_fear_that_my_binging_isnt_due_to_restriction/
---
I can restrict really well unless I binge on sugar. For the past two weeks I ate 1000-1400 calories a day. I lost weight ultra slow but it was ok. Was trying to be healthy and lose weight normally.

But I still binged as soon as I went over that range. I had a brownie with ice cream and even though I would have been at maintenance I used it to rationalize binging. Ate a shit ton.

I want to stop binging. But apparnetly even if I eat enough calories I will binge because that's what I do when I mess up.

Should I throw restriction out the window and make it my single goal (above losing weight even) to stop binging?

Or should I restrict more because if I restrict enough it will make up for the binge. I can't risk eating more and STILL binging.

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[Discussion] Has anyone here done modeling ever?
/u/yakeiram [5'9" | 116.4 | GW 115 | 16.91 | -6 | Female]
Created: Thu Feb 23 15:57:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vtrsg/has_anyone_here_done_modeling_ever/
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Just a random thought--has anyone here ever modeled, or tried it out? I know EDs are unfortunately common in the modeling community. I have done amateur stuff and am looking into trying to do more shoots this summer, but sometimes I worry that it would trigger my ED more because of how important skinniness is for most models/agencies...thoughts?

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[Help] My brain keeps trying to rationalise a binge
/u/DeusOff [5'7.5" | 118.8lb | 18.3 | -4lb | GW: 90lb | 19NB]
Created: Thu Feb 23 15:29:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vtlxx/my_brain_keeps_trying_to_rationalise_a_binge/
---
I'm on mobile so I can't flair, sorry!!

For the last 2-3 days, my brain has been determined to get me to have a binge. I've been thinking about it all day, and I can't stop rationalising it in my head. I'm really craving granola with almond milk and chopped banana, but I really can't eat anything else today (unless it's 46 calories) because I'm at 254/300 for day 7 of the ABC diet. Ugh.

Does anyone have any advice on how to curb this? It's causing me a lot of stress.

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[Discussion] DAE get scared when they look at progress pics?
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 15:25:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vtl6q/dae_get_scared_when_they_look_at_progress_pics/
---
Sometimes when I look at progress pics I feel really proud of the person. Like "look at how noticeable the weight loss is!" and it inspires me but other times I see someone at a similar height and weight and think "Is that really what I look like?!?"
I'm not trying to put anyone down or the progress they've made but I am scared to death that even when I hit my goal weight I'll still look like a fucking cow.....

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[Discussion] What do you guys eat with vitamins/medications?
/u/descendingscales [5'7 | 160 | 25.1 | -50lbs | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 15:21:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vtkes/what_do_you_guys_eat_with_vitaminsmedications/
---
I feel like there's been a lot of talk about vitamins recently on this sub I finally started taking mine again but I need to eat with them or I get unimaginably sick. It also seems to depend on what/how much I eat. Like, this morning I had a fruit roll up and almond milk and felt awful at work, but yesterday laying around I felt fine.


What's your routine for taking pills with food?

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[Discussion] DAE know their body fat % and what do you look like?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 23 14:52:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vte0g/dae_know_their_body_fat_and_what_do_you_look_like/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Anyone else smoke marijuana?
/u/sewnp [5'6"/h8 myself/NB/UGW:90]
Created: Thu Feb 23 13:27:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vsutq/anyone_else_smoke_marijuana/
---
Follow up question, does anyone smoke and stare at their body in the bathroom going :/

I do! I actually have been finding it easy right now not to binge while I am high. I've been playing a lot more video games and trying to study for school.

Also should probably mention that I smoke for my depression/anxiety most of all and that daily or 70-80% of the time is normal for me. I've been lucky enough to have only gotten jobs where they don't test for that, but I live in California now so it's a little easier.

Is it easier or harder for you guys where you live to maybe 'smoke n restrict' as I call it. No pressure from me.

Discussion tag/Mobile

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The duality of man
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 23 13:06:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vsq6p/the_duality_of_man/
---
[deleted]

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[Tip] As promised: A long ass post on hair loss.
/u/daeboo [5ft1/81lbs]
Created: Thu Feb 23 13:06:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vsq5t/as_promised_a_long_ass_post_on_hair_loss/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Low cal coffee choices?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 23 13:05:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vsps5/low_cal_coffee_choices/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] What happens when people start asking questions?
/u/pussystrongerthangod [168cm | 119lb | 19.2 | vegan cow | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 12:39:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vsjwn/what_happens_when_people_start_asking_questions/
---
I'm worried that people (my family) are going to start asking me about my weight loss in a negative way. ...particularly my mum and sister.

But the awkward thing is I can't stop doing what I'm doing. I'm a long way from actually feeling comfortable in my own skin. So somehow I'm gonna have to put off their questions/concerns.

Advice?

*on mobile, mods please help/discussion*

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[Discussion] Do I maybe have an eating disorder?
/u/PrincessTinyheart
Created: Thu Feb 23 12:02:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vsbmj/do_i_maybe_have_an_eating_disorder/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Timberline Knolls?
/u/lilashtraay
Created: Thu Feb 23 11:28:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vs3ok/timberline_knolls/
---
My therapist is making me bring in my dad today to talk about sending me back to rehab for anorexia and substance abuse. She's been pretty adamant about sending me to TK. Has anyone on here been there? Can you share your experiences?

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[Discussion] do you guys ever set food goals for yourselves?
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|GW:120 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 11:04:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vry70/do_you_guys_ever_set_food_goals_for_yourselves/
---
like "stay under 200 today then tomorrow i can have a reeses cup" or "fast today and tomorrow i can have an orange"? i feel like, for me, this is more manageable. if i am craving something today i can just tell myself to hold out till tomorrow and ill reward myself. nothing too crazy but idk feels like it works for me!

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[Discussion] Chicken Broth?
/u/paytontanner94 [5'4 | CW 120| UGW: 112 l 25F ]
Created: Thu Feb 23 10:43:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vrtii/chicken_broth/
---
I always feel guilty about sipping on chicken broth for dinner. Even if I get reduced sodium broth, there is still *a lot* of sodium. How do you feel about it? I've done some research and know that sodium can make you bloated. Does it have other adverse effects to weight?

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[Thinspo] Found some reverse thinspo on pintrest
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 10:15:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vrn2x/found_some_reverse_thinspo_on_pintrest/
---
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/368802656960230653/

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[Rant/Rave] Scared of salads I guess
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 155.9 | -41lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Thu Feb 23 09:54:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vridc/scared_of_salads_i_guess/
---
Was hungry and decided to check out Sweet Green for a salad instead of my Luna bar and then hopefully eat that later. Hoping for a max of ~250-300 and I see on the menu the average calorie count is 500+, and then promptly run away. Thought to myself who can eat 600 calories for a meal (of salad???)???

Normal people, that's who.

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[Other] Other people's "safe foods" that scare the shit out of me
/u/nobutlisten [5'5 | CW: 101.0 | GW: lol | BMI: 16.8 | F 25 👽]
Created: Thu Feb 23 09:43:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vrfta/other_peoples_safe_foods_that_scare_the_shit_out/
---
There are some foods that i see people talk about a lot on this sub as safe foods or just see a lot on our daily intake posts, but for some reason I am way too scared to eat them. Was wondering what other foods you guys think of as scary but other people seem to find safe. DAE have this? Mine are:

- Bananas
- Avocado
- Oatmeal
- Rice
- Toast
- Potatoes
- Skim milk
- Yogurt
- Popcorn

I want to eat these especialyl the ones that have big volume for few calories but I absolutely cannot.

---

[Thinspo] Park Boram (Feat. Zico) - Beautiful, KPOP song about eating less to become beautiful
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 09:28:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vrcgk/park_boram_feat_zico_beautiful_kpop_song_about/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxdUX6CHigw

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[Other] Self therapy try out - Binge as well as restriction are actually me being scared of need itself
/u/cannibale101 [5'4" | Not happy with this anymore]
Created: Thu Feb 23 09:27:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vrcb2/self_therapy_try_out_binge_as_well_as_restriction/
---
I kind of figured out that unlike in restricting mode, where i take pride in "not needing fuel", in my binge mindset i actually get scared shitless about not having it at every moment or else "ohmygod what's gonna happen THEN". Very rational, yes.

Food's always been so deeply emotional to me, it's like an exact analogy for love/lack thereof and my attitude towards it. Love has been presented to me as a painful trap for most of my life and, while needing it very much, i've learned that i have to resist it, otherwise i'm a terrible embarrassment and should just stop existing.

I think i've somehow learned to express that pain by reproducing this dynamics with food as a basic example of care for myself.

Sometimes i feel that i can actually resist it entirely and then i'm less and less of an embarrassment to existence (in that i consume and occupy nothing emotionally and physically). I love those periods of time although they come with a background voice whispering that something's not right with giving infinitely without taking, ever. But nah, it's mostly a glorious time.

Other times i feel i'm not nearly strong enough to resist, i viscerally need it and there's nothing but craves and infinite intake. I then completely fail at protecting myself from harm as well as at not being so high maintenance, so toxic, so annoying, and taking up so much space in general.

So this apply just as well to food and to love, and my very evident need for them to live. Which means my behaviors regarding food and meaningful relationships both look a lot like a tango dance of crave and avoidance all the time, with no peace of mind, no in between.

---

[Help] Started running around the block at night and have turned into a human garbage disposal.
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 09:13:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vr973/started_running_around_the_block_at_night_and/
---
Whether I am restricting or not, exercise has always been tough for me. Does anyone else have this problem or have ways of getting around it?


I wouldn't be as hungry when I used to walk but I like running. I'm not even weight training or doing any other workouts. Lord knows that that would do to my appetite!

---

[Help] Working out at home?
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.4 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 08:04:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vquns/working_out_at_home/
---
I've been doing awfully as far as not working out. (like at all. ever) I hardly ever move, I just sit at my computer all day or sleep. I've been trying to convince myself to do some at home workouts but I'm not completely sure what to do. Also, DAE restrict but never exercise?

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[Other] Did my husband "catch" my ED?
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" | 200 lbs | 29.5 | 30 lbs| Male]
Created: Thu Feb 23 07:53:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vqsmx/did_my_husband_catch_my_ed/
---
No flair on mobile,

So disclaimer: I know you can't actually catch an ED, I just can't think of how better to word this.

My husband found out about my ED about two weeks or so into us dating, and he's always been supportive and has told me that he wouldn't make me eat if I didn't want to/ wouldn't judge me etc.

He's made me feel so much better about my ED since we've been together, and tries to not pressure me into receiving help, as I've told him I'm not ready to get treatment yet. I know it still worries him that I dont eat enough, but he tries hard not to make me feel like shit about my ED.

Lately he's been trying to lose weight, and he knows nothing about nutrition so he asked me for help. Especially since I do all the cooking in our relationship.

I know that despite having an ED I can actually grasp the concept of healthy eating habits, and have helped him count calories accordingly. I originally had him on 1,400 cals a day, with gym happening 3 or 4 nights a week. However he wasnt losing much if any weight, and he asked to go lower. So I agreed and started him on 1,200 cals a day, and the same thing happened. He's "accidentally" (read: on purpose but pretending it's an accident so I can't get mad at him) only eating ~700 calories a day, and if he goes over that, he gets depressed and upset.

For example, I'm sick rn so I haven't been cooking and asked if he wouldn't mind making his own lunch. He agreed, but then put it off too long and didn't know what to make (there's a reason I do all the cooking!) So he said he's get Subway ot something for lunch. When he gets home that night, he ate a rice cake and half a thing of top ramen. (Again, I cook. He microwaves.) I ask him how many cals hes at for today and he sheepishly says ~800. So he eats a PB & Nutella sandwich for me, and then is upset about eating the sandwich all night.

Sorry for the long read, I just don't know what to do. He says he isn't having ED problems, and has told me he would talk to me if he was. I'm just worried about him. What do I do?

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[Discussion] DAE keep a snack drawer?
/u/skinny-waifu [5'2|HW 150 |CW 121|LW 113|F]
Created: Thu Feb 23 06:48:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vqgea/dae_keep_a_snack_drawer/
---
I don't remember how this happened, but I started putting all my junk food into a drawer, in my desk, in my room. Anytime anyone would give me chocolate or sugary foods, it would straight in there with the intention of "eating it later"... So does anyone else do this sort of thing? Or am I just a little weird?

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support February 23, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Feb 23 05:15:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vq2k7/weekly_emotional_support_february_23_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 23, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Feb 23 05:15:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vq2j6/daily_food_diary_february_23_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 23, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Help] What is a realistic goal to set for 4 months?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 23 01:32:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vpbqf/what_is_a_realistic_goal_to_set_for_4_months/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I always think it'll be the last time
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Thu Feb 23 00:29:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vp495/i_always_think_itll_be_the_last_time/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I haven't realized that I was abnormally conscious about my weight when I was a kid
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Wed Feb 22 23:19:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5votdl/i_havent_realized_that_i_was_abnormally_conscious/
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When I was 5 years old, I remember sitting on a teach assistant's lap and thought that I was so heavy that her legs were turning purple.

When I was 8, I remember always competing with one of my friends to be the skinnier one. She was about the same size that I was, I think i was a little bigger than her. It motivated me to try to be skinnier than her. I don't remember if I actually restricted my calories or not, I might have. I also remember being very self conscious that my legs were big, so whenever I sat down, I used to squeeze my legs together so that they will look smaller. I thought that everybody thought that my legs were fat and I felt extremely self conscious about it.

When I was 9, I constantly looked in the mirror, trying to gauge out whether I got fatter. I wrapped my hand around my wrists and arm to measure whether they got bigger.

I am not quite sure how this all started at such a young age. I think some triggers were that older people always called me fat when I was young. I remember I was crushed when this guy pointed out how fat I got. I also remember a relative of mine who lived in another country saw me when my immediate family and I went to visit and he said I got really fat and that I needed to lose weight. There were several other times when adults criticized my weight. I also remember how my older sisters were self conscious about their weight and I vaguely remember thinking that my thoughts and behaviors were not abnormal as I believed that they acted and thought the same way that I did.

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[Intro] I'm Back *cries a little bit*
/u/rukittenmerightnow
Created: Wed Feb 22 22:51:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5voo29/im_back_cries_a_little_bit/
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Hi,
I was an active member of this sub a few months ago when I decided I was going to b done with all the shit that bulimia has put me through, and quickly lost control. I've gained a lot of weight over Christmas and even now, I find it almost impossible to resist sweets. I wish I had my willpower back. I went shopping today and my pants size went up 2 :,( I could have cried but I was with my friends and I didn't't want them to worry.

I've started running 2 miles everyday and fasting breakfast/lunch but I think I'm gonna do even more since that seems kinda mild. Sorry I just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading, I love you guys <3

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[Help] What do you say to concerned friends?
/u/crimeforcrime [5'6" | 126 | 20.4 | -44 |F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 22:10:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vog36/what_do_you_say_to_concerned_friends/
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This is the second time a certain friend has confronted me. She knows my history with EDs. I attempted to tell her not to worry again, that I'm fine, but she made a comment about me 'disappearing before her eyes.' It seems dramatic to me. I'm not underweight (not even close), I don't want to be honest, I don't want to stop, but I also feel like a shitty person lying. As a side note, I realize I'm very fortunate to have people who care about me, despite my selfishness. I just hate the uncomfortable conversations and I especially hate having them before I feel like they're warranted. How do you guys get out of these conversations with minimal damage to your relationships?

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All protein diet?
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Wed Feb 22 20:48:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vnz15/all_protein_diet/
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[removed]

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[Other] I found a poem from right before I started my meds
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 168.2 | -24 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Wed Feb 22 20:43:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vnxvd/i_found_a_poem_from_right_before_i_started_my_meds/
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This might be too off topic to post here, but y'all are like my home and it wouldn't feel right posting it to anywhere else on reddit. This poem actually has nothing to do with my ED, because a huge contributing factor to how bad my depression had gotten was the fact that I was not able to restrict anymore (loss of willpower) and ballooned up to...well, way too fat. So, yes this poem was right before I started my meds for severe depression, and was actually on an upswing near manic, but hovering towards the bottom of the bell curve. I think the biggest reason I feel it should be shared here is because a lot of us- if not all of us- suffer from either depression or anxiety or some mental health disorder. Many times it's a contributing factor to the disordered eating, sometimes your disordered eating is the contributing factor to the mental health issue (like me), but you all should know that you are never alone in this community.
_____________


It’s like when

You drink too much at a party, and you took a weird pill you shouldn’t have

So the room spins, even when your eyes are closed

Your stomach churns, even with nothing in it

And you want to ask for help, for some water or crackers

But everyone is too busy being okay and cool

And you’re too scared to say anything

So you pass out by yourself in a stranger’s bathroom

Covered in puke.
_____

It’s like when

You wake up late on the morning of finals and fell asleep only half studied

So you rush around half awake and barely aware of what day it is

Until you’re driving to school and it hits you at once

That you are not prepared.

And a cold numbing sensation floods your body



At the realization you will not pass

At the realization you were never going to anyway

And at that moment you turn around and decide not to try

Maybe next year
_______________

It’s like when

Your inner mess has finally bled into reality


And your lover and partner and confidant can’t even get into the closet for clothes

Because your place is so trashed

And he pretends he’s okay with it

Because he knows you’re going through a hard time

But you think he’s on the verge of being done with the mess you’re making

Of yourself and your room

So you distance yourself from the only person you can unequivocally trust

And you know how stupid you’re being

But you do it anyway

Until one day

He has to go.

__________

I miss when

A cool breeze floated across me

Wrapped me up in silk and laid me gently on the grass

And the sun kissed me all over

Until I was pink with happiness


The birds went quiet and the cars didn’t come by for a while

For one moment

I felt it again
__________________________________________________

I miss when

I was okay with being alone

And I didn’t rely on you to make me okay


But I let myself get trapped by your beautiful smile


I’m so afraid that one day


You will not smile at me


And it’ll be my fault


And there’ll be no way to fix it


So I’ll have to live the rest of my life


Knowing I held perfection in my own two hands


But was dumb enough to drop it


And break it beyond repair.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm a huge fraud
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Wed Feb 22 20:24:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vntbk/im_a_huge_fraud/
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How the Ef did I think I classified into the "ED spectrum"? Last night I went out had alcohol, a whole bunch of Gouda fondue with steak, sausage, bread and meatballs, then proceeded to eat 2 scoops of ice cream.

Today I've had 2 doughnuts. Lol like wtf. I don't have an ED. I have wanting to be as fat as possibly syndrome. I hate not having control.

Now it all makes sense why my restrictions and "saving calorie" days aren't adding up to weight loss.

I'm such a silly goose.

Mobile rant

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[Thinspo] Video game thinspo?
/u/DuckyShincracker [5'4 | 138.7 | 23.67 | -66.3lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 19:28:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vngzc/video_game_thinspo/
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On mobile, flair discussion please. 😁

Anyone have a particular video game that is full of thinspo? For me it's Style Savvy Trendsetters on 3DS. Every character in that game looks like a supermodel. It's awesome because everything looks good on them.

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[Rant/Rave] Narcissism
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Wed Feb 22 19:03:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vnbew/narcissism/
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This is going to sound crazy, but I think I might have some degree of narcissistic personality disorder.

I've been ashamed of my body for what seems forever now, and to think I might have a disorder where I think I'm "special" or that I'm better than everyone around me is almost unthinkable. But lately, I've been feeling really upset about all that I've failed to achieve in the last two years. I didn't get into my first choice college and couldn't get a bid from my first choice sorority, I couldn't get the guy I was crushing on, couldn't get the dorm I wanted, couldn't get a better scholarship, I wish my friends were "cooler," all of this super petty shit, and it's ruining me.

Now I'm not delusional, I know all of these things are superficial and stupid and I'm 19 years old, and "you'll look back on it when you're 30 and think of how childish you were," but I cannot get it out of my head. What could have been's are all that's inside my head, so much that I cannot focus on anything else. I find myself constantly wishing I could go back in time, and criticizing everything I could've done better. It's consuming all of me, I find myself not being able to sleep just thinking of a million scenarios where I would've been at such a better place this day. I know it's no good to worry about what could have been, because we're here now, and I should be happy with the choices I've made and where they've taken me, but I am so miserable. So so so so miserable. I want to restart everything. I feel like I've ruined the best years of my life somehow by not being good enough at this time. Social media's also getting to me. I don't love having my pictures taken, but seeing all these beautiful girls in my outer friend circles with their amazing social media accounts & how many likes they get... Fuck, this sounds ridiculous, but I just wish I could be them for a day. Get invited to everything, be in those special group chats with the private parties, have people recognize me when I go to a party, get invited to sit at the VIP tables every weekend... I do have it good, I'm still fairly personable and do go out a fair bit, I just wish it was better, I wish I was in the in-crowd, not their outer circle. I AM SO SORRY THIS SOUNDS LIKE I'M IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, but I really, really wish I was better, in every way.

Love you all, hope you're having a better day than I am.

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[Thinspo] Best kpop thinspo?
/u/poisonandvenom [5'7" | 145 | 22.8 | F |]
Created: Wed Feb 22 18:28:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vn3fj/best_kpop_thinspo/
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Bit of an odd question - I'm not really into kpop, but I adore the petite size of a lot of the idols and I do spend a lot of time watching dance practise videos (and a lot of the songs are so catchy, it isn't as though I dislike them).

But I do find it a vast world, and with so many girls to choose from, and having seen a few thinspo albums here based on the idols, I thought I might consult the experts. :)

Which idol:group do you recommend following for thinspo purposes? I'm 5'7", which I understand is a little taller than most of the idols involved, plus I'm not sure I trust the stats I've seen so I'm focusing purely on looks. Any input would be appreciated. Xx

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[Help] Am I deluding myself?
/u/poisonandvenom [5'7" | 145 | 22.8 | F |]
Created: Wed Feb 22 17:51:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vmumj/am_i_deluding_myself/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I threw up after eating for the first time
/u/i-dont_want
Created: Wed Feb 22 17:41:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vms6b/i_threw_up_after_eating_for_the_first_time/
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I'm sorry I'm on mobile and don't know how to flair. Feel free to remove it if it's too much of a problem.

I have been watching my weight for years now and I have had periods of binging and fasting. But today was different. After my friend convinced me to eat some "2 for 1 offer" fast-food-meal with her, I was feeling the usual guilt and hint of disgust. We went home after eating. It felt so bad looking at myself in the mirror. And that is all it took. I am afraid. It just happened. I'm not feeling ill or anything but as soon as i got undressed and looked at myself I started to feel weird. It was painful but somehow felt amazing. I am scared. I am now laying in my bed crying and can't sleep.

Again, sorry for not flairing. And lack of formatting (long time lurker, first time poster). I already feel a little better after writing this.

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/depression-or-pms [5'4 | CW:131lbs | GW 125| GW2 115lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 17:24:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vmo93/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/02356c6ebc7a4595bd333789d6e44b2e?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=21701a197f7fa5fdbb564b966da251fb

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[Thinspo] Thinspo. ✨💕
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed Feb 22 17:10:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vmki4/thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/206ef04820e841c79b8f689e895ccda3?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=c8aab4ff4d0224ee6358abc85ec7d609

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[Other] My ED is my most reliable friend even though I have other friends
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 22 16:56:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vmhd2/my_ed_is_my_most_reliable_friend_even_though_i/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Super weird craving
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 16:22:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vm9ft/super_weird_craving/
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Okay, so..... recently I've been obsessing over getting my meals as low calorie as possible (replacements, cutting some stuff, etc.). I have been craving something salty lately. What's low calorie and salty?? Some low cal popcorn.


Now- how can I make this something good? Something flavorful? Something satisfying?


ADD MUSTARD !! MUSTARD AND LOW CALORIE POPCORN! Perfect. This is all I need. Why are my cravings this weird? Do y'all do things similar?

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[Rant/Rave] I am feeling so hopeless about something I cannot fix
/u/enfinseul [5'6 | 105.4 | 17.08 | gw👻 | f]
Created: Wed Feb 22 15:55:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vm2u2/i_am_feeling_so_hopeless_about_something_i_cannot/
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I have been in a dark place the past couple days and it is even outside of my eating disorder, though it of course is affected, also.

I realize this from time to time, but no matter how many goal weights I reach, no matter how many times I am so sick in my head that it makes me sick to my stomach, no matter how many calories I strip or how many people tell me that I look good, I am never going to be how I want to look, or what is ideal to anyone here and it kills me.

I have a short torso, that is -- not much space between my ribs and hips, and my hips are very VERY LARGE. They butterfly so much on the top that their contour looks like hip fat when I am naked because my hipjoints are below the widest point and therefore set oddly looking, and every time I see it I want to destroy myself.

I don't know if I am posting for commiseration, or advice, or to see if anyone else has a similar problem that they can offer, but to realize every time I pass a mirror for the shower that I will never be the way I want no matter what I do is so hard.

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[Help] Finally bought a scale...
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 15:53:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vm29u/finally_bought_a_scale/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] how can i ever begin to love myself?
/u/girlinamber [5'6 | too much | not enough | nb]
Created: Wed Feb 22 15:24:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vlvvz/how_can_i_ever_begin_to_love_myself/
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[rant]

i want to try to love myself so that my boyfriend will be happier. he can't understand why i have so much self-hatred and no self-esteem, and he thinks i'm so beautiful. but i can't see it, not anymore. i hate looking at myself in the mirror, and i wish i had school or a job to keep myself active during the day. i feel too ashamed to walk outside by myself when there isn't a purpose, but i can't pinpoint why. the gym is another story. im too terrified to go because i know people make fun of and take photos of overweight or struggling girls, and i don't want to go alone, but my only friend is super tiny and i always look like a total whale next to her.
i wish i knew that my lowest weight would have been fine, i wish i hadn't stopped caring about how i looked. i wish i had the strength to continue what i had done before.

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[Discussion] More than appearance
/u/biggoldie
Created: Wed Feb 22 15:15:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vltz6/more_than_appearance/
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I posted the other day that i just started seeing a new therapist and while she seems to have a good handle on how to deal with EDs she does make comments every now and then that make me wonder if she truly gets it. Last week she asked if I understood that a person's value is more than their appearance. I told her EDs are more than appearance, that's just a small part of it. However since our session that comment has been stuck in my head. I've tried to find some good articles that speak to how EDs are more than appearance but I haven't found one that I can give her to drive the point home. Do any of you have any articles or references I could use?

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[Help] I feel like I'm losing control with my binging and purging and now I'm losing my money from it.
/u/Dustbeneathyourmeat
Created: Wed Feb 22 15:13:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vltjx/i_feel_like_im_losing_control_with_my_binging_and/
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to make a long story short I have been very anxiety ridden as of late and it's making me binge and purge every meal plus excess meals and I don't even crave. I'm spending at least $20 a day on meals just so I can get rid of them to relieve my anxiety. Anyone else go through this? I need to stop it before I am poor.

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[Discussion] Has anyone had hyperglycemia after fasting/heavy restriction?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 15:05:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vlrvo/has_anyone_had_hyperglycemia_after_fastingheavy/
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Whenever I take a week to fast or restrict 500 calories or less, when ever I try to transition back I get hyperglycemia for a long while. Like this week I had been heavily restricting and took a couple bites of a blueberry muffin. My fasting blood sugar was 65 and it shot up to 180 aka bad. My a1c is 4.9 and my fasting blood sugar is usually 85, but if I ever eat anything that isn't vegetables are some low carb vegan protein, my blood sugar spikes up after a few bites. This is why I can never binge bc if a few bites can do that I don't dare dream of what a real binge could do. I am not diabetic but I have pcos and insulin resistance but on paper my numbers are normal but when I track my blood myself it's bad if I take a few bites of anything non vegetable. I thought losing weight was supposed to improve insulin resistance and I've lost 25 lbs since December, so am I doing something wrong? Has anyone experienced this?

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[Help] How do I get rid of the water weight???
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 14:55:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vlpol/how_do_i_get_rid_of_the_water_weight/
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[removed]

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[Other] Just realized my ED started way earlier than I thought...
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 113 | 19.35| Lost: 47|GW:☠]
Created: Wed Feb 22 13:45:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vl9tq/just_realized_my_ed_started_way_earlier_than_i/
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Just found the old ipod touch I used when I was 13. I thought it would be funny to look at old pictures and notes (and to be fair it was)... Then I realized I had MFP installed on it, which I had *zero* recollection of.


Managed to track down the last diary entry in this thing (which was in 2013), and traced back through them to find that I was up to all the same tricks I'm using today. Barely any of the days had calories marked as higher than 600, and even though there is no exercise logged looking back at the dates I know I was doing school sports...


It's weird, as far as I can tell the obsessive calorie logging was just a phase for a few months, but now that I'm thinking about it I remember times in 8th grade when I was super proud of myself for not eating anything for 2 days, and I remember asking a teacher to assign me a new mental disorder in science class because I was uncomfortable doing a presentation on anorexia.



I've always sort of believed my ED was something I developed as an adult, but I guess it's kind of always been here, just dissapeared for a few years (although believe me, the body loathing never left)... Sort of makes me feel like I should have "grown out of it" by now.


Anyway, trying to be less active on this forum these days. I'm finally trying to tackle my depression via anti-depressants, and I know if I show up to my next doctors appointment 10 pounds lighter she's going to take me off of them. Being here makes me sad I can't really restrict right now, even though I love you all so much <3

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[Intro] Finally not too lazy to write this
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 155.9 | -41lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Wed Feb 22 13:40:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vl8qi/finally_not_too_lazy_to_write_this/
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Hey guys, I've posted quite a few times but was too lazy and/or embarrassed to introduce myself until I was no longer actually obese soooo, here goes.

I'm 21, in my senior year of nursing school, work in the NICU and I have some sort of eating disorder. I fell the first time when I was 15, but always had issues, as I remember being exhausted in 4th grade from having to hold my stomach in all the time but thought every kid did that??? At 15 a stupid picture of a hollister model in jeans started a downward spiral into restricting as I was trying to shop for back to school clothes. I remember thinking, are legs not supposed to touch???? At that point I went from not liking myself to HATING myself. I went from 135-ish to 110 in about a month and a half and maintained there for a bit until my mom bullied me back up to 125. I always thought I was overweight but I technically never was until the end of high school when I was ~150?

I relapsed again about a month before I went to college, going from 155 to 130 in a month and a half again (august is a terrible month for me LOL). During this I met my boyfriend, and he had concerns but we weren't that serious where he could tell me what to do I guess? I was beginning to like how I looked, as I looked like less than 130 because I frequented the gym and maintained the muscle I built from HS sports. I started the pill and wow I ate everything and ballooned to 150 after just a month, Christmas to end of Jan and yeah ballooned even more after that.

I've had depression since I was idk, 9? It was never really terrible until this past July (2016) when I became a zombie and never could do anything. It didn't help that I was 188-195lbs... I had always told myself that if I saw 200 I would actually kill myself. But I was just way too depressed to restrict so from 2014-Dec. 2016 my ED was just kind of dormant. UNTIL in October 2016 I decided I needed to help myself for once and try an antidepressant. We picked Wellbutrin, didnt do jack, added Zoloft and suddenly in early december my depression was gone-ish and I looked in the mirror and was like holy fuck that can't be me. So...yeah, started restricting again, and am down 30-something since December 5th. I didn't weigh myself but I'm guessing 190? The most I ever saw was 197 so I count back from that on my flair though.

Anyway I didn't feel not disgusting enough to be here until recently, but I want to be at my GW by my anniversary in sept so hopefully I don't fuck everything up.

If you read this, thanks!

Edit: formatting

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[Help] Calories in a homemade cupcake?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 22 12:51:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vkxux/calories_in_a_homemade_cupcake/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Is anyone else trying to lose weight before a certain date or event?
/u/Princess_Scarlet
Created: Wed Feb 22 12:46:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vkwk4/is_anyone_else_trying_to_lose_weight_before_a/
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I'm going on a trip in July for my grandmother's 70th birthday, she is three states away from me so she hasn't seen my weight-loss progress at all. I want to be comfortable in my skin when I visit her in 5 months. I typed in my stats on losertown and if I stick to the plan I can be at my goal weight by then. I hope I can lose enough by then, anyone else have any plans?

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[Discussion] Gonna try not counting calories and just eating planned things. Has anyone tried this?
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105.2 | GW 95]
Created: Wed Feb 22 12:45:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vkwgy/gonna_try_not_counting_calories_and_just_eating/
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Calorie counting causes me to self sabotage. Like I'll go over by a tiny bit then feel like a failure and binge everything. Or, I'll plan out my day and then switch some things around for the same calories, but then I'll still feel guilty for going off plan (especially if I feel full) and b/p.

I get SO much anxiety over worrying how to budget my calories, how to space out the timing, etc to the point where I just get really obsessed about food. I LOVE cooking and I love food. Like I spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to maximize how much pleasure I get out of calories, obsessed with trying out diet recipes and products. In the end I just end up eating more because I'm overwhelmed by all the options.

The new method I'm going to try is writing out a very meticulous and BORING meal plan for the next two weeks and forcing myself to stick to it to a tee (stuff like, eat 8 hard boiled eggs today at these times). No substitutions, because even "safe" deviations make me anxious. That way I might start seeing food as a chore rather than a reward or a hobby. What do you guys think?

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[Rant/Rave] When you binge out of anxiety...just to still be anxious but also feel extra terrible :^)
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 108lb | UGW 98lb |F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 12:12:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vkoww/when_you_binge_out_of_anxietyjust_to_still_be/
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It's barely 1:00 p.m. for me and I already binged my allowed calories for today, then some, and I'll probably eat more later anyway because I'm dead inside.

I've got an appointment with my therapist this weekend after weeks of being unable to get one since she is so busy and stuff, so I'm nervous, and of course before I relized I had already fucked up today haha. As long as I stay under my TDEE i'll try to keep positive but...yeah, no I still feel like absolute shit. Sorry for the pity party, hope your day is better y'all <3

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[Rant/Rave] I tried so hard and got so far......
/u/greyhoundpaws
Created: Wed Feb 22 12:11:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vkoot/i_tried_so_hard_and_got_so_far/
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I am on a low carb diet to control my bulimia and had been B/P free for almost TWO MONTHS. Until Monday night, when I felt a bit bloated and was in a bad mood and somehow ended up binging on everything I could find in the house! I didn't enjoy any of the food, just stuffed it in my mouth in a binging frenzy, and it was pretty horrible all around.

I thought I could just take that B/P, learn from it and move on. Until the next day when I binged on food from the disgusting bakery across the road from my work. Some of it was actually so gross that I ended up throwing it in the bin instead of eating it, even though it was all coming straight back up anyway. Yesterday was the same deal. Bakery binge on my lunch break.

I am sick of this. I was doing fine and then suddenly it was like a switch had been flipped and all I could think about was stuffing myself until I can't move. I feel so hopeless, like I will never escape from this.

And fat. I also feel really fat.

---

[Discussion] anyone use chains?
/u/get-it_together [5'3" |160??| UGW 130 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 11:55:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vkl11/anyone_use_chains/
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It's a web app or a phone app that allows you to make a chain for your goals so you're less likely to break it.

My current chains are for logging my food, not binging, and journaling. Just wanted to share! (You can also make private group chains where no one can see without a link, so let me know if anyone wants to start one.)

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[Discussion] What healthy food do you really want to like, but just don't?
/u/DuckyShincracker [5'4 | 138.7 | 23.67 | -66.3lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 11:42:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vkhsc/what_healthy_food_do_you_really_want_to_like_but/
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On mobile, please tag Discussion.

So, question in the title. For me, it's mushrooms. I want to like them and because of that, I try them every few months because tastes do change. I still don't like then though. 😂

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[Rant/Rave] Lunch Room Pressure
/u/paytontanner94 [5'4 | CW 120| UGW: 112 l 25F ]
Created: Wed Feb 22 10:35:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vk26a/lunch_room_pressure/
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I am a first-year teacher and I have avoided the lunch room like the plague after the first two months of teaching. I would go down and have a meal bar and I would nibble away at it to make it seem like it was taking longer than it really was. I felt stupid.

My co-workers and even my principal have said something to me about how you build relationships in the lunch room but I can't bring myself to do it. I will either eat more than I need/want to or will feel stupid after I finish eating my typical five almonds and diet pepsi.

Also, I am not even a small person, but every one here is basically huge. They all say stuff to me about my weight and I feel so embarrassed because it's really like calling me the skinniest fat kid. If I go down there I know they will just say something to me about food and I can't deal with it.

What to do?

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[Thinspo] Bantic Boy is my ultimate thinspo
/u/depressedassaggytits
Created: Wed Feb 22 10:33:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vk1k4/bantic_boy_is_my_ultimate_thinspo/
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http://imgur.com/a/bQluP

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[Goal] First day in over a month without purging!
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 10:20:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vjypy/first_day_in_over_a_month_without_purging/
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I mean, I guess you could say that I was too busy to b/p yesterday, but I still made it one full day without even puking a little!! Not even a tiny bit!!

Haha I've been in a "vomit everyday" since December, so I'm pretty thrilled. (-:

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[Discussion] anyone else really like watching recipe videos?
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | 104 | 19.0 | Ugw: 85 |19f]
Created: Wed Feb 22 10:19:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vjyiw/anyone_else_really_like_watching_recipe_videos/
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I really like to bake and i really really love pastries, cookies, etc. like, a lot. They're the biggest reason I go over calorie limits because once i have one piece i go into a fucking frenzy. Whenever i feel bored i like to look up recipes so I can bake. Lately though, Whenever I'm really hungry I look up recipes and for some reason it makes me not binge? I especially like the buzzfeed desert videos where they show the whole process really fast. It's really weird but I've noticed it helps with hunger, especially when I dont have food around me.

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[Discussion] DAE fantasize about the future and your ED?
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 147.2 | 22.1 | -3 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 09:56:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vjt0y/dae_fantasize_about_the_future_and_your_ed/
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The title isn't the best at explaining because I feel like I can't come up with the right words at the moment. But what I mean is that sometimes I find myself thinking about my dream life and how easy it would be to maintain my ED discreetly in that dream.
My dream life is to move to Hawaii or somewhere tropical with my partner and have a nice farm. We would grow mangoes and pineapple and so many different fruits and take care of our animals. The majority of what I ate would be low calorie fruits and veggies and I could be small and beautiful like a mermaid.

Like I feel it's really fucked to think about this beautiful life with my love, and focus on the fact I could get away with having an ed be easier to hide???
Sorry if this doesn't make sense I feel like I'm just venting and rambling
I can't flair I'm on mobile sorry, probably a discussion

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[Help] Is this hunger or is it a side effect? [help]
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 09:14:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vjjtx/is_this_hunger_or_is_it_a_side_effect_help/
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Not sure if this is the right place for this but hopefully somebody here can help. I've been restricting pretty low lately (600-800) and I also recently switched the timing of my antidepressants to the morning. I've never taken them with food and have never had a problem. But lately mid morning I feel like I am going to vomit- like I'm so hungry I could puke if that makes sense. It doesn't matter if I eat before or not- it's still there. Yesterday I ate a sugar free pudding (60 cal and fuckin delicious = bae) and I still almost barfed. Does anyone else feel like this? I have an appointment with my therapist later today and I wanna bring it up with her but only if it's not ED related..... can't go there yet.

Blah blah obligatory no flair on mobile

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[Discussion] DAE look skinnier in heels/platforms?
/u/Triptukhos [5'0" | 99.6 lbs| 19.5 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 08:58:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vjg87/dae_look_skinnier_in_heelsplatforms/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Are you ever just convinced you've gained weight...even if you haven't?
/u/woollyshirt [17.5 BMI | Trying to Maintain | M]
Created: Wed Feb 22 07:09:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5viujs/are_you_ever_just_convinced_youve_gained/
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I feel so weirdly stuck right now. My trend weight is still lower than 'normal' and the rational side of me wants to eat a little bit more right now...but I feel like I've gained weight without realising. I'm not sure how that's possible, but logic isn't really coming into play here. What is my brain doing??? How do I pay attention to logic and reason and TDEE and trusting the scale once again? I don't get what the hell is going on in my thoughts right now but I'm exhausted of dealing with it all. I just don't want to eat anymore.

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[Discussion] Medical Marijuana & Bulimia
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Wed Feb 22 06:19:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vilzo/medical_marijuana_bulimia/
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I brought this up in an ed recovery sub a while ago, but I think it may be more well received in this sub. It's a topic i've been pretty passionate about since getting into this industry about two years ago. I'm a medical marijuana caregiver, and I initially received my patient card for an eating disorder. The process was brutal, and the "doctor" gave me a lot of shit before finally approving me for my medical card.

I really don't like weed. Not a fan, I was a huge coke head in the day, and weed makes me feel like shit if I hit it too hard. I got my credentials so that I could grow and profit, but I figured why not experiment since i'm legally allowed to? I discovered that certain strains absolutely turn off my desire to binge eat into oblivion. I can eat my normal meal, smoke a little after i'm done, and i'm actually DONE eating & can go live my life instead of obsessing about when i'm going to eat next.

I haven't been smoking much lately, but i'm currently awaiting harvest of 7 different strains that should be ready in April, and I want to reopen my investigation once I have a sample of everything in front of me.

Has anybody noticed similar effects? This is mostly geared towards bulimics & binge eaters. Bulimia is not on the list of ailments treatable via medical marijuana, but I really want to change that. I guess my goal this spring is to start a blog about it, jotting down what I ate, and what I smoked afterwards & how I feel. If I can help others suffering with binge eating and bulimia, it would mean the whole world to me, but I have no idea how to raise awareness to this particular issue, or if it only has this particular effect on me and nobody else.

Any personal experiences or insight would be greatly appreciated.

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[Rant/Rave] Spring break is coming up...
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 05:48:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vigzw/spring_break_is_coming_up/
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So in just a few weeks it will be spring break. Not going anywhere super fun, but I am going to stay with my boyfriend's family for a few days. That always makes me nervous because they eat A LOT of food! And somehow they never gain weight. His sister is 17 and she's about 5'1 and under 100 pounds (body goals!!!!) But she eats everything. And they like to make me eat too. They'll go to fast food and say "do you want anything? Of course you do I'll get you this meal." It sucks cause I feel obligated to eat it since they buy it.

And then the week after spring break is my birthday, and people always want to buy me food. I tried to explain to my boyfriend that he doesn't need to do that and his response was "but I love you and I want to get you a cake. You love cake." An entire cake! Who's gonna eat that?

Any tips for making it through that hell week?

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[Rant/Rave] Back on track with ABC!
/u/DeusOff [5'7.5" | 118.8lb | 18.3 | -4lb | GW: 90lb | 19NB]
Created: Wed Feb 22 05:14:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vic0r/back_on_track_with_abc/
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[removed]

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday February 22, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Feb 22 05:12:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vibrl/way_to_go_wednesday_february_22_2017/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for February 22, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 22, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Feb 22 05:12:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vibqz/daily_food_diary_february_22_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 22, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] [Discussion] yoga vs TLS weights
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 22 04:35:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vi6sf/discussion_yoga_vs_tls_weights/
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[deleted]

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[Tip] retelling my suggestion from a year ago ----
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 03:50:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vi1ai/retelling_my_suggestion_from_a_year_ago/
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BARIATRIC VITAMINS! also bariatric anything -...

for those of you who do not know what bariatric is - it is for people who are losing weight and more specifically for people who have gone through a weight loss surgery, such as gastric-bypass.

i buy a ton of these snacks because they are filling and very little calories/carbs/etc. the vitamins target what we want.

searching 'bariatric' is a great way to find food that is great for calorie restriction.

love to you all... <3 :)

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[Rant/Rave] My ED makes me a horrible person and it's starting to piss me off
/u/italkiesomuch [5'7 | CW 137 | GW 115 | -48lbs| Whale Noises]
Created: Wed Feb 22 02:33:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vhs0h/my_ed_makes_me_a_horrible_person_and_its_starting/
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Hello lovelies - don't mind me, just ranting. Here goes nothing....

...I was so happy to finally meet a friend who is also a girl who is super chill. I seriously love her, but there's one problem - she's tiny. Like, everything I want to be, makes me look like a shaved gorilla when I'm next to her kinda tiny. This is really an issue for me because in my head I am constantly comparing myself to her. We get coffees and she doesn't finish any of her drinks, which therefore makes me feel like a fat fuck for finishing my own drink. She's half the size and weight of her boyfriend soaking wet, I'm 10lbs heavier and 4 inches shorter than my boyfriend...

...fuck my ED brain, I just want to enjoy my new friendship but I don't feel like I can until I'm skinny, which knowing me will never happen permanently because my eating habits are so fucked that I just yo-yo like crazy (like 30-50lbs gain/loss crazy).

Then again maybe this will be my ultimate motivator. I mean I certainly don't hate her or treat her differently because of it, it just makes me hate myself is all. Maybe a little self hate is needed to keep me on track. I've gotten lazy with things anyways about my eating habits while living with my bf because he needs to gain weight and relies partially on me cooking to help him with that. Point still stands though, I really wish I didn't have these conversations in my head in the first place.

On the same topic of my ED brain making me a horrible person, I have a serious hate for obese people which is laughable considering how fat I tend to be every 3 months. My landlord is huuuuge and seeing her is more thinspo for me than actual thinspo tbh, which makes me feel like a raging cunt. Now I'm never nasty to people in the real life, but why the hell am I so judgmental in my head?! Why the hell do I care so much?!

GET YOURSELF TOGETHER ITALKIESOMUCH, I'M SICK OF MY OWN SHIT

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[Rant/Rave] Hello again.
/u/sewnp [5'6"/h8 myself/NB/UGW:90]
Created: Wed Feb 22 01:31:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vhkwk/hello_again/
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I've been on and off inactive from this sub. Always, such as my life, but I find myself gravitating towards it when I feel huge. Like so huge that I make jokes about how I'd starve slower than other thinner people and would survive. In the back of my head though, I always think 'I'd rather be at my UGW already and starve sooner'

So hi! I like posting in here for thoughts and such. And talking to everyone when I feel up to it. It also keeps me focused which is cool.

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Freaking out because my spring break is in a month!??!
/u/chocolatecoveredpugs [5'4| 118| 20.6 | -22lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 22 00:07:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vhaqt/freaking_out_because_my_spring_break_is_in_a_month/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Our lab blood pressure cuffs were too big for my arms.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 21 23:03:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vh1ru/our_lab_blood_pressure_cuffs_were_too_big_for_my/
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I know it's just because they're all old and worn out and because my partners were inexperienced but today in my anatomy lab no one could get my bp cause my arms were too small for the cuffs and I was so happy. I've been maintaining since November and I'm so not happy with it so this was def a confidence boost that I wanted to share.
✨❤ you guys

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grape diet
/u/princess_rat [5'5 | 108 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 22:24:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vgvw3/grape_diet/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] DAE deny themselves food because they feel like they like it too much?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 21:48:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vgq33/dae_deny_themselves_food_because_they_feel_like/
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I do this with fruit. It's good for me and it's SO sweet and yummy. I feel like I was enjoying myself too much, so I stopped eating fruit completely. Now it's a huge fear food. Has anyone done anything like this?

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[Help] I'm lost. Please help.
/u/syntheticseasalt
Created: Tue Feb 21 21:01:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vgi67/im_lost_please_help/
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Background: i have got myself an appointment for an ED clinic this upcoming tuesday. I'm bulimic. I decided i couldnt take it anymore. I am in high school. I dont know my super-current weight, but a few days ago i was 117 and i'm 5'7" (pre-binging lots).
Here's something i typed up in desperation. Please help if you have the energy to read this and relate to what i am feeling.


I feel really really really really not sick enough to recover. I feel that when i get in there and am evaluated, they will think "this stupid bitch just loses control sometimes. She doesnt need any help. Just a fucking meal plan or something." And i think about why i did this and it's because i got so fed up (hah) with myself and not being able to live my life without spending most of my waking hours in this state of anything but what life is supposed to be. I did it because i couldn't move anywhere without helping to remove this from my life.

Ive expressed a million times that this is ALL that i feel i have. I am nothing without it. But it's killing me and i'd rather die than live knowing it would never go away.

And i feel that i don't deserve help one bit. I don't. I know i don't. I am one hundred percent physically fine. I am sure my vitals are all there. I eat sufficiently every day. If i go there, there is no doubt that i will quantitatively be the least sick person there. So theres no reason. I am a fucking failure. I fail at living normally, and i fail at dying. I am disgusting in my own eyes and i'm not successfully sick according to a doctor. I'm not the epitome of the tragic anorexic who doesnt eat and is dainty and light and small and fragile. I'm just a cry baby who cant deal with herself. There is no way anyone could possibly take something this pathetic seriously at all.

Bulimia is the lesser diagnosis, the one that means you werent strong enough to lose enough weight. You actually /sought/ help rather than dropping weight and everyone else worrying. You are pathetic and you just wanted attention. You asked for help because no one could see that you were dying. You wanted to suffer, but you couldnt, because every day you gave up on suffering and suffered in a different, less admirable way.

And that makes me less deserving. Because my intake is similar to that of a normal person minus throwing up. Because i am in no way disappearing like i could have been.

And i hate myself. I am having a bad night. I am not okay with being alive right now. I want out of my body. I hate it so much. I want it to suffer and die and be hurt and be in pain. I want it to go through everything it's been through a hundred times over. I want to separate myself from it, saying "this is not mine; this is not me" until it wastes away to nothing and i can wear it again. Then i can say "this is me. I am nothing. There is nothing here because i am worth nothing and i mean nothing." Because that's what i truly believe, and no one can refute it. I dont need anyone to tell me the reasons i am wrong because i am not. I know what i am and that is nothing.

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[Rant/Rave] Please tell me not to binge
/u/Laricia [5'4" | 104 | -6 | GW 97 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 20:31:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vgcnp/please_tell_me_not_to_binge/
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I just got back from a two day trip on the road and… y'all know it, the mystifying 2lb gain. I had a grand total of two cups of water the entire time to avoid having to pee and had a mostly crackers for sustenance but made sure to keep at my TDEE. Even if I did underestimate, there's no way in hell I gained that much in fat?? In fact I shouldn't have gained at all?!

Now that I'm done crying I'm more appalled than anything. This can't be real. I feel so physically bad, I've cancelled on a school project meeting but have a coffee date later in the evening with a friend I'm meeting in person for the first time. Really what IS it that compels this messed up brain of mine to think that raiding the kitchen and eating like a whale is an appropriate response to feeling… like… a whale… oh. 😭

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How do I avoid binging.
/u/skaggs123
Created: Tue Feb 21 20:02:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vg7bt/how_do_i_avoid_binging/
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[removed]

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] "Why are you licking the marinara sauce out of the bowl?"
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 19:59:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vg6v0/why_are_you_licking_the_marinara_sauce_out_of_the/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Went to a mental health support group today, and I plan to use their CBT strats to continue to restrict
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 21 19:16:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vfyty/went_to_a_mental_health_support_group_today_and_i/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] just bought clothes online in a size smaller than i usually would!!
/u/fruitygrimes [5'5 | CW 123 | BMI 20.47 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 19:06:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vfww3/just_bought_clothes_online_in_a_size_smaller_than/
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i should probably wait til it gets here to start celebrating but i haven't even thought about fitting into a uk size 8 since i was like 13 i can't help it
and i don't think im in over my head either bc i asked my mom would it be stupid of me to get that size and she said "no, not at all, a size 10 would be too big on you at this point, you've been shrinking lately :')
i'm just very happy. if this top doesn't fit though when it arrives expect a 6 part rant from me posted here in the next few days LMAO

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[Other] Drank half a bottle of Phillips
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 18:59:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vfvk1/drank_half_a_bottle_of_phillips/
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Couldn't poop, drank a shit load of Phillips, haven't stopped pooping since yesterday.

Feeling pretty good about my life

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(Rant) work out buddy weirdness
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 17:41:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vfge0/rant_work_out_buddy_weirdness/
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So I've been working out with my boyfriends little sister (I'm 21 she's 17) and it's been fine for the most part. She enjoys weights more than cardio so I do cardio on my own Monday/Friday and then weights with her.

This has been going on for about 3 weeks now. Well anyways she has been constantly saying oh do 15 lbs not 30 you probably can't handle 30 anyways and it's not that I want to lift heavy like I don't even care but the implication is kinda like excuse me... And she always jokes how weak I am but it's like actually I have a giant irrational fear that somehow lifting will make me fat so seeing 50 lbs makes me physically ill so fuck you (but we all know we don't actually say that) and well recently talked about how she can see a huge difference like the pump vein and all this stuff. And I guess she is bigger than me 5'5 and 190. But like no matter what I don't see anything.

Her mom (my boyfriends mom too) also talked about how much flatter her tummy and my stomach looked because of it and it's just like ????? I think you're seeing things.

What kinda bums me out is that she's so positive about seeing it and I'm afraid that I'll never see it and be never be happy but that's an issue for another day 😅

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[Rant/Rave] Unnecessary binge
/u/wrygood [6'2" | 185lbs | M]
Created: Tue Feb 21 17:26:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vfdnz/unnecessary_binge/
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I just...started eating. It wasn't fueled by anxiety or any other emotional turmoil--I just *started eating* and I don't have a goddamn clue as to why.

I've got to keep it together. Tomorrow is a new day, and I can recover some of these calories. Disaster has not arrived quite yet; we'll snatch net loss from the jaws of net gain.

[It's exhausting, though]

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[Help] Birth control and weight gain?
/u/salamanderqueen [5'9.5"| CW: 135.6 | SW: 180 | GW: 125 | -44 | 19f]
Created: Tue Feb 21 16:51:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vf69n/birth_control_and_weight_gain/
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Hi everyone, I'm looking to go on birth control but I'm seriously concerned about gaining weight because of the hormones. What do you guys use, or what has worked in the past? I'm open to anything; pills, the shot, an implant, whatever. Just really don't want to get pregnant and really don't want to gain weight haha.

edit: I'm also really looking to reduce/eliminate my period, it's been super heavy and painful for years now.

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[Discussion] Alcohol suggestions plus fasting
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW110 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 16:38:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vf3f6/alcohol_suggestions_plus_fasting/
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I was wondering if anyone had any good recommendations for low calorie ciders or wines? I know that hard liquor is the best in terms of low calories but I usually skip meals when I plan on drinking. That way I get drunk on less and can afford to budget a few more calories. I know wine tends to very often be around ~130 a glass (?) but ciders tend to vary a considerable amount which is rather frustrating (but at least they come pre-measured!).

Also, has anyone had experience with fasting during the day and then drinking? Usually I have a coffee in the morning and then eat around ~150cal of actual food before drinking, but I would rather cut that out seeing as it is practically a whole extra drink. (This is where I should probably say hey I'm not an alcoholic, but is that even believable at this point lol?)

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Woohoo!!
/u/PlaTOESatlantis
Created: Tue Feb 21 16:16:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5veywo/woohoo/
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[removed]

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What are some great breakfasts that can fit into a 600 cal a day plan?
/u/wavvvybaby
Created: Tue Feb 21 15:15:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vem0z/what_are_some_great_breakfasts_that_can_fit_into/
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No dairy 🙋🏼

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Any experience with prednisone?
/u/candystarfish
Created: Tue Feb 21 14:50:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vegcv/any_experience_with_prednisone/
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I've injured my back and can't really walk right now. In addition to physical therapy and pain meds I've been given prednisone to help. Problem being, weight gain is associated with taking this. I've already gained 7#s from this and I'm freaking the fuck out over it, I can't gain more. Unfortunately the pain meds make me so lethargic and goofy I eat whatever my SO puts in front of me. He eats poorly and I've had quite a bit of junk in the time since I got hurt. Had a major wake up call being weighed at the physical therapists a few days ago and have been restricting to 800 calories a day since then but as I'm mostly unable to even walk rn Idk if that's low enough.

TL;DR: Has anyone take prednisone and experienced weight gain or managed to avoid it? Any tips of not eating like a cow when I'm on the stupid meds?

On mobile can't flair! Would guess this is either a rant or a question.

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[Intro] Re-re-introduction
/u/Mi__ra [165cm |53 kg | 19,7 | 0 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 14:40:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vee7p/rereintroduction/
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Hi all,

this is probably the third time I'm back here. I see some familiar users, but mostly not, so I thought I'd introduce myself again.

I'm 30, I have had an ED for about 10 years. Nowadays I'm bulimic, the kind of bulimic that eats a huge amount of food and throws it up. And I mean huge. People don't go "oh that's not so bad" but they are "I don't believe you. No-one can eat that amount of food". (I'm talking about my *treatment team*, for fuck's sake).

So, well, anyway. My goal right now is to lose some weight, but not so much that all my family and treatment team will freak out. Like about 5 kg/10 lbs.

This community seems to be as nice and welcoming as it was the last time I left it, so I'm kind of happy to be back. You are all awesome.

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[Rant/Rave] well, im screwed.
/u/moggettt [5'5 | 108 | 18.0 | NB]
Created: Tue Feb 21 13:46:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ve20t/well_im_screwed/
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saw my dietitian yesterday. she weighed me and informed me that when i see the doctor on thursday, the doctor is almost certainly going to want to readmit me to a higher level of care because i've dropped an "alarming" amount of weight since i was discharged from inpatient.

i just got out of inpatient three weeks ago. i know it was stupid to restrict this much when i have to be accountable to a dietitian but i wasn't willing to compromise my goals. now i might get sent back to inpatient/rtc or, at BEST, php. all i want to do is be out of treatment altogether except for my outpatient therapist.

obviously they can't MAKE me do anything since i'm not on a commitment or anything, but noncompliance would potentially screw up my access to my therapist there and my dbt group, which i love.

so that's great. i made it a grand total of three weeks in the real world and now it might get taken away again.

the worst part is all this means i can't even feel happy about the 7 lbs i lost.

anyway, rant over. i'm just super stressed and annoyed.

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[Help] How to stop night B/P?
/u/cavernousdeer [5'2" | 102 | 18.3 | UGW: 88 ]
Created: Tue Feb 21 13:46:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ve1xc/how_to_stop_night_bp/
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I'm so tired of this. I can restrict all day, but then 7 or 8pm rolls around and I'm stuffing my face with everything I can find and purging it all. I feel disgusting, like I have no self control, and I constantly feel dizzy and tired. How do I stop this from happening??

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[Other] looked at pictures from my low weight for thinspo and now I'm sad
/u/pungentthrowaway [5'1.5" large and in charge (of nothing)]
Created: Tue Feb 21 12:48:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vdok3/looked_at_pictures_from_my_low_weight_for_thinspo/
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I haven't weighed myself in a while because last time I did it was my highest weight ever and then I binged for several days on valentines day chocolate. I couldn't bring myself to look down and see a higher number than 167. I'm obese. I used to be cute but I'm not anymore.

I finally have gotten back into successful restriction (thank you whole 30 diet) and am having hopeful thoughts about being thin again. So I went to look at old pictures to see how much better I looked and what I have to look forward to. Honestly I was never really thin. My low weight was 119 or so at 5'1, but I was proud of it. I went and looked at the pictures and they look too fat to me now??? I didn't feel fat then. I felt great. I didn't have a really fully developed ED and definitely not as much self hatred as I have now and I felt thin. Now I look at those pictures and am like "wow I didn't even have a defined jaw line" "my arms were still pretty pudgy" etc.

I'll lose 50 lbs and still be too fat. I always thought I could get back down to around that weight and feel as good about myself again as I did then, but things have clearly progressed in a bad way. I don't know what to think. I don't know what I'm even striving for anymore. I never thought I was one of those people who was going to chase a constantly lower goal weight and now I'm afraid I might be. My legs have never even not brushed against each other when I walk and now I feel like I need that. I just don't know what happened.

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[Rant/Rave] Rant? A post just reminded me that I have a crippling fear of oatmeal and feel so silly.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 21 12:19:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vdhqc/rant_a_post_just_reminded_me_that_i_have_a/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] (Almost) Ready for Sustainable Restriction
/u/TarotWoman88 [5'8''| BMI 26.6 | -115 |F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 12:10:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vdfos/almost_ready_for_sustainable_restriction/
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I'm getting really close to making myself shift to higher-calorie restriction that's sustainable and break this negative, long-term fasting-refeed/binge cycle. I've got a date in mind (3/9). I've got a silly plan, too--we're taking a mini vacation to stay at a little house on the beach, and I'll be armed with containers of pre-packed, pre-weighed, pre-logged foods and lots of sliced celery and broth cubes.

Does anyone have any advice or experience about making this shift successfully? Or how to manage concepts like the temporary spike in appetite increase (aside from lots of high-volume, low-calorie foods like celery and broth)?

For those of you who've successfully shifted to higher-calorie restriction, how did you pick your number? (I'm thinking 800-1200?)

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[Thinspo] X-post from r/ArianaGrande
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 11:42:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vd990/xpost_from_rarianagrande/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/ArianaGrande/comments/5vcb8y/her_body_is_just_too_much/?ref=share&ref_source=link

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[Rant/Rave] Everything has gone wrong today: routine out the window and I'm just trying to hold on to something
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 145lbs | BMI 21.47 |- 19lbs | GW 130lbs | 24F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 11:31:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vd6qa/everything_has_gone_wrong_today_routine_out_the/
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On mobile so can't flair :(

Firstly, I forgot my water bottle and so ran 5k as a jelly mess at the gym.

Then at work a colleague (different department) had a go at me about not doing my job correctly - even though I knew I was - the fact that she had a go at me really made me feel sick inside.

I took 2 hours out of work for "lunch" to wait for a delivery at my house. He didn't turn up. Because obviously. I think he just skipped my flat because he was in a rush. However, I need to make that 2 hours back up at work. So I'm super stressed about that.

I forgot my fitbit at home and so haven't been able to log my steps and calories effectively.

All of these things had already made me feel useless and I was just holding out on my boyfriend to come over and make me feel better.

I finish work, text him and no response. He's fallen asleep.

I literally feel like I only have control over one thing in my life and I'm so terrified of binging that I'm just frantically deep cleaning the house because I need some sort of control.

I'm Asperger's so this kind of thing is really really huge for me.

I refuse to go over 1000kcal and all I can do is cry and clean and feel like the most useless, ugly person in the world who doesn't deserve anything.

Sorry for the venting - I am on the edge.

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[Rant/Rave] I can't tell if my SO is supportive, enabling or a jerk?
/u/amberinthewoods [5'2.5" | 120.4 | 22.36 | -50 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 10:34:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vctrv/i_cant_tell_if_my_so_is_supportive_enabling_or_a/
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We've been together some years, and he knows my past with my ED. However, he is like a fitness FIEND. Works at a gym, has the metabolism of a gazelle, has pecs the size of my FACE... and he, without any reservations or shame, despises fat people. Can't stand them. When we got together I was about 30 lbs heavier, and I've lost that weight steadily. Lately, I've tightened my restriction (to avoid purging at all costs), and have been completely open about it. He knows I won't go over 800 cals a day, knows what I eat and how much, and is supportive to the point where I can't actually tell if he's genuinely trying to encourage me to just get skinny no matter the cost. He's constantly asking "will that put you over on calories?" and "are you sure you won't regret eating that?" He constantly pushes me to go to the gym, to work out, to run. Always says "well this is really working for you, better not mess with it." True, he's also the first to point out if I've lost weight, and is my biggest supporter when the scale says a smaller number each morning, but I guess I'm just having a hard time coming to terms with an external force telling me and encouraging behavior that I tell and encourage in myself.

I'm really sorry that I just went on with a million run on sentences there. I just don't actually have anyone other than you guys to bring this to.

edit: 2/22/2017 - Man, you guys just served up so much truth. It was brutal. But that's probably why it was necessary. You're unfailingly kind and insightful. Thank you.

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[Rant/Rave] My friend's losing weight and pushing food on me!
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -52lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Tue Feb 21 10:33:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vctm0/my_friends_losing_weight_and_pushing_food_on_me/
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My friend got weight loss surgery last year and has really committed to the process. She's already down like 100lbs and I couldn't be happier for her. HOWEVER, lately she's been like, pushing food on me whenever we go out. She can literally only have a bite or two (and is very vocal about that fact), so she'll give me the rest of her food, even when I tell her I'm not hungry. Or while we're ordering she'll ask me to order something gross off the menu that we can share, so that she can take a bite or two of it - which leaves me stuck with the rest. The other day I had a bad food night and she kept pressuring me to explain all the details of what I binged on. I don't want to re-live that! She knows I have these food issues but when we go out she encourages me to indulge. Get the dessert, have another drink, etc.

I know she isn't responsible for what i put in my body, but this is making me crazy. I feel like she's using me to make herself feel superior. She says little things here and there that make it sound like she's so much smaller than me (we are within 6lbs of each other) and also, if you didn't get weight loss surgery, you're doomed to be fat forever. She has convinced at least 4 other girls to get the surgery at her job. I don't know if I'm being hyper sensitive or whatever, but I just seethe with anger at that. I couldn't possibly qualify for that surgery, and I've been fighting tooth and nail for half my life to get where I got. How dare she look down at me as though my hard work isn't going to last?? How could she act like the surgery is the only cure??

I mean obviously her weight loss has already triggered a whole mess of disorder issues for me, but it feels like she's actively trying to disrupt my progress. It's making me restrict even more. I feel like I can't shut her up until I'm so thin that there's no way she can convince herself that she's smaller than me.

Thanks for letting me ramble that out.

**TL;DR: My friend got surgery, is pushing me to eat and acting like I'm going to ruin my own weight loss any day now**

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[Help] Time to stop this disorder
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 21 10:29:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vcspp/time_to_stop_this_disorder/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Having A Fat Face (rant/discussion)
/u/litlelou [5'5" | CW:110? | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 10:14:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vcpa0/having_a_fat_face_rantdiscussion/
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So for the past while my face has been my obsession. I'm relatively thin (though not thin enough by my standards) but I feel like my face is just so fat. I feel like my jawline is just soft and disappears into my neck. And I hate not having super sunken in cheeks though I feel as if though I used to.

I've always been told I look young for my age which ive always liked even though I figure it must in some part come from having a more round face. I may also be more sensitive to the matter because my mom is overweight and I fear being like her. And lastly I think its been heightened these past few days because two candid pics of me were posted on social media that I really don't like my face in. I just wonder how much of it might come from water retention as I work out every day (not ideal I know), probably don't drink enoygh water, drink a ton of coffee, and have noticed my lymph nodes have been swollen routinely as of late.

Anyone else deal with these kinds of thoughts about their face specifically?

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[Help] I need to lose a ton in the next week for a formal ball. But EC stacking is making me throw up (maybe it feels like my stomach is too acidy?). Help?
/u/frustratedwithfat [F | 5'7" | SW 160, CW 143, GW 123, UGW 113]
Created: Tue Feb 21 09:53:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vcko1/i_need_to_lose_a_ton_in_the_next_week_for_a/
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Like the title says, I basically need to drop 10lbs by Saturday (I'm ashamed to say that now I'm 10lbs bigger than my flair right now...). This is probably impossible but I could live with less. Even a few pounds tends to produce a visual change.

I always have a positive experience with EC stacking but the last few days, I've been doing it and then my stomach feels acidy and then I throw up. I have no idea what to do.

Help?!

Gosh I feel like such a fat piece of shit right now; I just want to see some improvement by Saturday and not completely hate myself when I put on a dress.

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[Discussion] An idea that I have to prevent bingeing that may work
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 21 09:38:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vchgy/an_idea_that_i_have_to_prevent_bingeing_that_may/
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Ok so I unfortunately deal with binge eating. Yes, I know it comes from trying to restrict too much and it's a survival instinct. I also know that it comes from a break in my self control. My lack of self control and this basic human survival instinct come together to make me binge. Obviously, I can't do anything about the survival aspect of this. But I can try to work around it and increase my self-control. My idea is this: I understand that a binge is inevitable. However, what I can try to do is to delay it for as long as possible. If I feel the urge to binge, I'll just tell myself that I can binge later. Previously, I would always try to never binge again. Obviously this fails. I think that with this new mindset I'll be able to decrease the frequency or caloric quantity of my binges. Also, I should come up with a specific plan for how I deal after a binge. Right now, I shift back and forth from laxatives to exercise to fasting to eating at maintenance. I haven't tried this yet so I'm not sure how effective this will be. Just thought I'd share it with this community to hear other people's thoughts.

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[Rant/Rave] I meant to save my birthday money for my autumn break away with my SO. Realised today I've spent the bulk of it on weightloss 'aids'.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [28/F | SW: 105kg | CW: 51kg | GW 1: 45kg ( UGW: 39.9kg )]
Created: Tue Feb 21 09:21:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vcdr0/i_meant_to_save_my_birthday_money_for_my_autumn/
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I've just been so desperate.

Various XLS Medical tablets were the bulk of the cost.. appetite suppressants, carb blockers, fat blockers. At least they actually work somewhat, I suppose.

Indigestion tablets as I heard they calm a grumbling stomach - various types, now.

Tea-type gentle laxatives for water weight (couldn't bring myself to buy actual laxatives, probably a good thing).

Fibre supplements.

Then stocking up on personal things that I find help me. Chewing gum. Sugar free hard sweets of many various types and textures. Low calorie snack packs of hard roast chickpeas that I know fill me up but cost the damn world, for emergencies.

I realised today when I saw a store selling 'Tums'. I didn't know they sold them here in the UK, previously I bought a brand common here. I wanted to try Tums, in my mind they might work better, as Tums were the brand mentioned when I read on a dieting website (NOT pro-ED website) about them calming your hunger when trying to lose weight. That's bullshit because they are just indigestion tablets, just like the ones I previously bought... *but what if they DO work better? Can I risk NOT buying these right now? How badly do you want to lose this fat, Smokes?*

I had been picking at the savings bank account with my birthday money in for a couple of weeks.. '*Just this thing. Just this thing. Just this to help me along*'. I justified the huge cost of the XLS tablets as '*these will be the ONLY things I need!*' - of course, it didn't work out that way. I went there to withdraw some money to buy the Tums - they were only £3.50 - and checked my balance. I only had £15 withdrawable left, from over £100... I'm NOT a rich person. £100 was loads for me. I really wanted to save it for the one short break away per year that my SO and I can afford...

But of course, I bought the Tums anyway. Only £3.50, right? Getting the thigh gap back will be worth it, right? *Right?*.

God fucking dammit.

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[Intro] Genuinely can't get rid of this anxiety
/u/olivia093 [5'1 | 155 | 29 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 08:48:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vc6m3/genuinely_cant_get_rid_of_this_anxiety/
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I'm in graduate school and the anxiety is never ending. This has lead to restricting, binging, and purging cycles. Oh, and also binge drinking. Managed to lose 20 lbs, but then gained it back and then an additional 20 lbs :') I feel like a failure.

So not only am I doing a pretty terrible job in my program, I also cannot function in my life at this weight. I go through stages where restricting makes my anxiety much better (only when I'm losing an an already 'low' weight) because I feel like I accomplished something. When I'm at a higher weight, I just binge incessantly. Wish I knew why...

I'm sorry if this post is rambling on. I just wanted to say hello because I'm new and also that I feel like everything is falling to pieces haha.

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[Discussion] Which subreddits/online communities do you frequent asides from this one?
/u/honeybrownbunny
Created: Tue Feb 21 08:41:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vc50q/which_subredditsonline_communities_do_you/
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Can't flair, because mobile. Title is p self explanatory. There's not much traffic on this sub and I'm looking for more things to look at/go on

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[Discussion] How far in advance do you plan your food intake?
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 08:40:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vc4tv/how_far_in_advance_do_you_plan_your_food_intake/
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I was just planning out my food for a while and I'm wondering if others are as meticulous as I am. I use MFP (I've never had any issues and I've been using for over a year) to track my calories and my food intake, etc. But I like to plan out what I'm going to eat for up to like two weeks in advance. And I plan down to the calorie. Like one day I'll have this coffee, the next day I'll have three almonds.

Anyway, I had planned to have some ramen later this week because I'm a broke college kid and I haven't had it in a while. One package of ramen usually gives me two meals so when I get a big box it lasts me a long time. But this morning I got up and went to the kitchen and noticed that over the last week, my new roommate (who completely ignores the existence of me and my other roommate) had eaten MY ENTIRE BOX OF RAMEN. Like now I'm pissed cause she is so disrespectful and also because I have to rethink what I'm going to eat because I don't want to go back to the store.

I didn't plan for this to be that long tbh.
TLDR I like planning ahead and get upset when it backfires.

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[Help] whats your favorite overnight oats recipe?
/u/moggettt [5'5 | 108 | 18.0 | NB]
Created: Tue Feb 21 08:22:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vc1as/whats_your_favorite_overnight_oats_recipe/
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repost bc I wrote instant instead of overnight before

anyway I just started making overnight oats (im late to the party) and im looking for ideas to experiment with to make my breakfast a) tasty and b) lower cal. how do you make yours?

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[Discussion] DAE feel weird bringing up weight issues with an overweight therapist?
/u/douglassfirpotato [5'5" | CW 163.4 | GW 115| 25F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 08:17:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vc0fg/dae_feel_weird_bringing_up_weight_issues_with_an/
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On mobile and can't flair- sorry! I'm not even sure what I would classify this as. Rant? Help? Not sure.

What I mean by this is- I haven't even mentioned weight or trying to lose weight to my therapist because she is overweight and I don't want her to think just because I want to lose weight and I'm not happy with my body that I'm judging her in anyway. I don't know if that makes since, but it's a huge personal issue that I can't bring up with her because of this. Also, what if she just doesn't understand or relate to my weight issues because maybe weight isn't an issue for her? Obviously, she is a professional and has an education on a variety of issues, doesn't mean she has to personally relate to them in order to help. I get that. I always worry that just because I'm hard on myself because of my weight gain and wanting to do something about it makes me come across as me thinking that having extra weight is the worst thing ever. It is for me, but I don't project that on anyone else.

Sorry for the long text, but does anyone else relate?

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[Discussion] If you think you're fat, I must be huge
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 08:02:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vbxgj/if_you_think_youre_fat_i_must_be_huge/
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I *hate* hearing this. How you feel about your body doesn't affect how I feel about mine, sorry. I'm depressed, but I wouldn't tell someone who's feeling sad that their feelings are invalid just because mine are so much worse.. you know?

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[Help] whats your favorite instant oats recipe?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 21 07:58:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vbwmg/whats_your_favorite_instant_oats_recipe/
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[deleted]

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[Intro] An introductory/early morning thoughts
/u/honeybrownbunny
Created: Tue Feb 21 07:56:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vbwf0/an_introductoryearly_morning_thoughts/
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Can't flair because mobile but I suppose this could be classified as a rant. I've been checking up on this sub pretty regularly from a main account and finally decided to create a sub account to be able to post and introduce myself to you guys.

I guess I'm just feeling a bit down and this community has always been so supportive from what I've observed so here I go.

I've always struggled with my relationship with food. Growing up, I mostly maintained healthy weights and played sports regularly. In middle school I discovered binge/emotional eating due to external influences (my mother, a best friend). When I was in high school, my father committed suicide, and my weight ballooned due to developing some pretty unhealthy habits and coping methods (purging/drug use). Despite this, I refused to acknowledge that I was overweight. About two years ago, I was living on my own with a boyfriend, when my grandfather also committed suicide. This plunged me into a severe depression which resulted in me losing about 50 pounds (putting me in the "underweight" zone finally) mostly within the span of 3 months. Once I lost that weight, everything changed. People treated me differently. I gained more friends and was generally viewed as attractive by the men in my life. I ended up cheating on my boyfriend (I admitted this immediately to him and we had already sort of mutually decided that things weren't working out) and moved back to my hometown in order to be with the guy that I cheated on my boyfriend with (I've known this guy for 6 years now and there's always been romantic tension; at this point, I consider him one of my closest and longest friends). Essentially, he expressed that he had felt more comfortable pursuing a legitimate relationship with me now that I was skinny and desirable. A lot happened over the span of a year being off and on with this guy and I ended up gaining almost all of the weight back due to low self esteem and resorting back to emotional binge eating. We cut contact with each other for a while and I made a lot of life changes and kind of rekindled my own relationship with myself and made soooooo much progress in that time apart from him, via learning how to be alone and relearning how to have healthy relationships with food and my body etc. I'm doing really well in life right now and have lost about 25 pounds, leaving me 10 away from where I was at my lowest weight. I have two full time jobs, and spend almost all of my free time studying coding/programming and computer science. I traveled Northern Europe a couple of months ago and have a trip planned to Cuba in April, and Alaska in June/July. I am, in my own eyes, successful and productive.

But within the last month or so, my drug use has skyrocketed (opiates, Xanax, coke, adderall, modafinil) and I have been getting better and better at maintaining fasts for longer amounts of time/not binging/being strict with calorie counting. The guy mentioned above and I have became close friends again, seeing each other very often. But because of all that has happened between us, he is a huge trigger to me. When I'm with him, I do not eat, unless we're super fucked up, which I try to avoid for obvious reasons.

I guess to summarize this, I'm feeling very scared right now. Scared that my drug use will spiral. Scared that this weight loss stint will develop into something much worse and permanent than ever before. Even though I want to be the girl that people love again. I'm scared that I'm falling back into codependent behavior with this guy and that I am losing all of my friends. I'm scared that I'll forget everything I've learned and not be able to deal with being alone anymore. I can't tell if I love him and the maybe 2 other friends I have because they're all I have and I am desperate for companionship, or if my feelings are real. I guess I just feel overwhelmed. I guess we'll see.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm finally training myself to leave food behind.
/u/exmorbidly [5'7 | 176lbs | -104lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 07:49:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vbuy7/im_finally_training_myself_to_leave_food_behind/
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One of my biggest issues is I have an insane urge to eat all food that's in front of me. Like cleaning my plate to the point of licking it clean. Pot lucks are my literal hell. I feel immense guilt anytime food is wasted or thrown away.

So I made a new rule for myself to re train my mind. For every meal I eat, I HAVE to leave at least 3 bites on the plate. And then I have to throw it away. So far it's been working well! I went to lunch with coworkers and left almost a half plate of fries and half my sandwich. It wasn't really enough to box up and take home, so I let the waitress take the plate and throw it away. It was actually pretty liberating because of how hard it was for me to watch that happen. I'm hoping the more I do it, the more comfortable I'll be with not eating everything in sight. I need to bring food down from its freaking pedestal.


But weirdly I have no problem with chewing and spitting, lol. I guess my brain feels like it's not wasted if I get to enjoy it? I'm so weird. Anyway, hurray!

---

[Other] Weights/TLS: Not sure if worth it.
/u/cayndc [5'7" |SW 132/ CW 120 | 18.7| -12 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 06:17:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vbf6j/weightstls_not_sure_if_worth_it/
---
I'm having an emotional crisis over this... I can't run, so I thought I would start lifting and eating at a caloric deficit (see my last post).

Every measurement has gone up 1/4 inch. It's been three days. I'm having an emotional breakdown already. I hear that water retention is normal and goes away, but is it worth the mental torture?

---

[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A February 21, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Feb 21 05:12:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vb5g8/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_february_21_2017/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 21, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Feb 21 05:12:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vb5fm/daily_food_diary_february_21_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 21, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

I thought you guys might appreciate this as much as I do
/u/ameliasophia [5'4 | 108 |GW: 92| 19.9 | -19 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 04:02:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vax14/i_thought_you_guys_might_appreciate_this_as_much/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Chewing + spitting is the only thing that helps me not binge after a fast but it's so hard.
/u/_skellies
Created: Tue Feb 21 02:55:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vapkz/chewing_spitting_is_the_only_thing_that_helps_me/
---
The only thing I've eaten since Thursday is one beef rib. I'm at the point now that I feel like I want to binge and I'm trying SO HARD not to. I've been chewing and spitting little bits at a time and it's the only thing that somehow actually makes me feel full and not crave anything. But while that food is i. My mouth, it's so so so hard not to swallow. Only thing that makes me able to spit is the realization I'd be even more upset and stressed about it being in my stomach.

---

[Rant/Rave] [Vent/Rant] jaw wired shut
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 21 02:33:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5van7b/ventrant_jaw_wired_shut/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] I told my first-ever real life person today
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 21 00:49:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vabq7/i_told_my_firstever_real_life_person_today/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My issue with high-cal restriction
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Tue Feb 21 00:35:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5vaa89/my_issue_with_highcal_restriction/
---
Just a little rant here...
I have been attempting higher cal restriction, partially because I am half-heartedly flirting with recovery and partially because I have midterms. I realized I have a few points of contention with high- cal restriction:
1. Not little enough calories to feel clean and empty and light, not enough to feel really full at any given time.
2. Eating higher cal seems to 'turn on' my appetite. I honestly think I am more hungry at 1000 than 500.
3. 900-1000 calories seems perfectly healthy to my ED brain lol.
4. Eating lower cal comes with a certain high/thrill for me and I miss it sooooo much.

This is not to bash anyone who does higher cal, I am so envious if it works for you because I think its the most sustainable version of restriction. It just makes me so... sad and angsty. Apparently my disordered brain can only function in the black and white extremes of binging or completely starving. Niiiice.
Anyway this rant was probably annoying pointless and mostly just an excuse for me to ignore studying.

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo. ✨💕
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Feb 20 23:56:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5va5kg/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/50f8f74de7704939a5752be9dc7545f9?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=84b8a16ebb3b0dab388be8fb753d83ec

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[Rant/Rave] I'm feeling really good about myself
/u/FreddyTeddyIsCool [175cm| 75kg | F20]
Created: Mon Feb 20 23:25:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5va1oh/im_feeling_really_good_about_myself/
---
I'm not the weight I want to be but im getting there. Not long ago I was ten kg heavier and I hated myself. It has taken a lot of hard work, restricting calories and exercising everyday, but I'm finally starting to feel like the old me.
I used to be very small but I went to uni, got a boyfriend and life happened and suddenly I was 20kg heavier than I was a year before.
I know I'm not 'skinny' yet but I look and feel fit and more importantly I'm happy.
I thought I'd just share that with someone.
Have a lovely day!

---

[Rant/Rave] literally no self control
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|GW:120 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 22:42:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v9vp4/literally_no_self_control/
---
i started off today deciding i was going to fast after a weekend of eating whatever i wanted on a trip. Then around like 3 i decided some carrots and celery would be okay. I wasnt even that hungry but knew i would be later so i thought eating a little now would offset how hungry i was later. ended up making myself much more hungry and made scrambled eggs with spinach. still pretty low cal (was under 300 for the day at this point). then after ii cleaned up the eggs i ate about half a cup of light vanilla yogurt. No my carbs are through the roof and I am at at least 500 calories. Then while watching netflix i basically gave up and ate the rest of my ben and jerrys in the freezer. it was about half a pint so i am over 1000 for the day at a minimum. I just dont know what happened...i went from fasting to over 1000 calorie day. I dont know why but i cannot seem to control myself sometimes. i am disgusted with myself and have no idea what to do anymore. everytime i fast or go a few days under 500 i end up breaking it by thinking "why does this even matter? life is too short" but then i feel gross and fat and disgusting and i hate it

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[Rant/Rave] I feel sick thinking about all the time I've wasted not losing weight.
/u/notthinohno [161cm |Too Much | A Big Number | - Not Enough lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 22:35:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v9unf/i_feel_sick_thinking_about_all_the_time_ive/
---
I've been back and forth between bingeing and restricting for so long, but it still happens every time; I restrict and think to myself "Yes, I'm finally going to stick to it this time" and then comes the binge and I think "I hate how I feel when I eat this much". It's funny, there's a clear logical conclusion to those two statements: I like not eating, I don't like eating, therefore don't eat. But obviously it's not that simple.

Around a month ago, I was in the midst of a period of bingeing that saw me gain 10 pounds. I felt horrible, my clothes were getting really tight, I could see my face getting fat (as i'm sure the rest of my body was, it's just I avoided looking in any full length mirrors). And then I got invited to a party that's taking place in early march - finally, I had some motivation. I *really* wanted to go to this party, but there was no way in hell I was going at this weight. So, like that, my motivation was back - I was restricting, I was feeling great - I lost those 10 pounds in two weeks. It was so exciting waking up every morning knowing I could weigh myself and feel that sense of achievement at the number decreasing.

And then, who would have guessed it? My motivation went away again. I guess I was feeling a tiny bit good about myself, which I now realise is a recipe for disaster. I'm still stuck at the same weight now, almost 3 weeks later. And to think where I could have been had I not given in to those momentary desires, it just makes me feel sick.

So, now I have 3 1/2 weeks to catch up - I just hope I can keep it up this time, but past experience has me feeling pessimistic about my chances.

---

Binged, spiralled really badly as a result, don't know what to do now
/u/DeusOff [5'7.5" | 118.8lb | 18.3 | -4lb | GW: 90lb | 19NB]
Created: Mon Feb 20 21:48:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v9nkz/binged_spiralled_really_badly_as_a_result_dont/
---
(Can't flair, I'm on mobile)

I had a pretty bad binge just now, brought on by a nasty panic attack. I'm currently sobbing in bed. I'm feeling suicidal (it's always underlying but right now the urges are really strong) and I just want to scream and physically cut and rip all of the fat out of my body.

Today was going so well. Day 5 of the ABC diet, I had my 100 calories. Now I'm curled up in bed crying and scared of my own brain and generally feeling repulsed by myself

I don't know what to do

---

[Other] Since we were talking about r/normalnudes the other day, I wanted to share this new thing I stumbled upon and now definitely suddenly need...
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 108.0 | 19.75 | -25 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 21:02:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v9g3y/since_we_were_talking_about_rnormalnudes_the/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/normalnudes/comments/5v8m4m/27f58172_lbs/de02qp9/

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling like a fraud
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | 143.8 lbs | 26.18 | -51.2 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 19:47:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v93b2/feeling_like_a_fraud/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm just gonna do it
/u/donewithlifex [5'9.5 | CW: 152 lbs | BMI: 22.6 | GW: -3 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 19:42:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v92bx/im_just_gonna_do_it/
---
I'm so tired of telling myself that this is impossible, when the math checks out. I've gotten so fat, there's no excuse. But within 2 months, I'll be so close to my lowest point. And I just need to eat around 1000-1100 calories and stay mildly active. that's plenty to work with.

I'm sorry, for making such an attention-seeking post. But I'm done, I really am. See you guys around <3

---

[Rant/Rave] Well, I just had a breakdown
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | Afraid to weigh myself but maybe ~126 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 19:29:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v900g/well_i_just_had_a_breakdown/
---
(Can't flair bc mobile, this is a rant)

Got out of a 90-minute ballet class and immediately just started crying as soon as I got in the car. Which wouldn't be a problem, except that it happened in front of my mom. At some point it fell out of me that I hate my body, so now she knows, and I'm not sure how I feel about that.

The class was so hard though- not necessarily the ballet itself, but the fact that I was probably the heaviest person there (proportionate to my height) and I was constantly dwelling on how much thinner everyone else is. And now my mom is going to keep tabs on everything I do with my body because of this. I'll just have to wait and see how this pans out, for all I know it could be helpful, but at this point I'm not so sure.

---

I'm back where I started
/u/1800booti [5'6 | 160 | 25.8 | -5 | f]
Created: Mon Feb 20 18:01:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v8jkg/im_back_where_i_started/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] First psych appt Wednesday. How did yours go?
/u/sternums [5'2 | literal tub of lard | F | UGW: 95]
Created: Mon Feb 20 18:01:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v8jez/first_psych_appt_wednesday_how_did_yours_go/
---
I've already been diagnosed with major depression & general anxiety by my family doctor, and I'm on 2 antidepressants. What happened at your psych appointment when you got diagnosed with an eating disorder?

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[Discussion] DAE feel like they're too fat to kill themself?
/u/alkaline-banana
Created: Mon Feb 20 17:31:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v8dh5/dae_feel_like_theyre_too_fat_to_kill_themself/
---
I've been kind of suicidal for a while, but a while ago I realized that if I kill myself any time soon, I'll be forever memorialized as fat on account of the corpulent corpse I'll leave behind… and I really don't want to be remembered as looking like some kind of a whale that grew legs : (

---

[Discussion] I'm curious what you all think of this. My thoughts are in the comments.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 17:03:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v87me/im_curious_what_you_all_think_of_this_my_thoughts/
---
https://youtu.be/63XsokRPV_Y

---

[Help] integrity to self or the truth?
/u/enfinseul [5'6 | 105.4 | 17.08 | gw👻 | f]
Created: Mon Feb 20 17:00:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v8743/integrity_to_self_or_the_truth/
---
I hate to join the subreddit and pounce already with a serious issue, but I don't have anyone to disclose this to, and I am terrified and could use advice.

I start therapy finally this week after trying and trying (for months) unsuccessfully to get in. There are various reasons for why I am pursuing it, but I am of course now facing the decision as to whether or not I mention my eating disorder.

Foolishly, I told my doctor when I switched to a new GP, and I have regretted it ever since. My weight is now becoming a focus since it has been going down again during visits, and being weighed every visit elicits my vanity of not wanting the number to go up because of clothes, water weight, etc etc etc

I do not want to get better from this. This is all I have left right now in my life, but I am wondering if there is possibility of an other side to come out on. I hope some of you have insight, any advice at all as to whether or not I should disclose in therapy would be appreciated.

(Edit for clarity/wording)

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[Help] Where can I find men's jeans that are 30 length but with a really narrow waist?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 20 16:58:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v86rn/where_can_i_find_mens_jeans_that_are_30_length/
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[deleted]

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[Help] I can't sleep because I'm too hungry.
/u/Ronskyroo
Created: Mon Feb 20 16:28:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v80g9/i_cant_sleep_because_im_too_hungry/
---
Honestly I'm not sure what I am wanting from this post - maybe some kind words/encouragement from people who know what it's like? I always feel like I have no one I can speak to in real life about this.

Anyway, I've been fasting for about a day and a half and I'm really struggling. I feel really sick and light-headed but I cannot sleep, I just want to sleep and wake up tomorrow when I can eat again. I've fasted before and not had it this bad, I think it might be because I didn't have any low/no calorie drinks or snacks (gum and diet coke) today. I don't even have anything in the fridge or cupboards at all right now, it's totally bare.

Does anyone have any advice? Or have been in the same position and can empathise?

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[Tip] Fasting tips for an active job??
/u/paytontanner94 [5'4 | CW 120| UGW: 112 l 25F ]
Created: Mon Feb 20 16:20:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v7yuq/fasting_tips_for_an_active_job/
---
[removed]

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[Intro] salut
/u/enfinseul [5'6 | 105.4 | 17.08 | gw👻 | f]
Created: Mon Feb 20 15:47:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v7s3f/salut/
---
I have been lurking for some time, and I finally overcame my fear of the decision to become a part of something. I feel strange beginning to post and reply without a proper introduction.

Part of the reason I decided to start to post is that I am going through a quite difficult and transitional period in my life, and it has affected the re-emergence of active disordered behaviours. I am affected by restriction/starvation, laxative abuse, and in the past compulsive exercise, however, an injury and presence of mind to avoid working out has prevented that so far.

I am very shy in my real life, so I do not have many around me with whom I can talk (and even the very few people I do have do not understand) and I was so longing for something like this -- a community filled with support and vacant of judgement or condemnation.

my stats are: 5'6", 114.8, gw110, ugw100, bmi19

I am excited to begin to hopefully interact with the people and community I have been too afraid to become a part of myself for a while -- I'm very eager to meet all of you. <3

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[Rant/Rave] Pushing the person that means the most to me away ... Advice ? :( (rant)
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 15:17:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v7lyk/pushing_the_person_that_means_the_most_to_me_away/
---
Im so exhausted. Im so tired. My muscles just ache from doing nothing, my head is all fuzzy, and I just feel so distant. The whole day I have to put up a facade and pretend Im in the moment, happy , and engaged with my family (otherwise the suspect something's up) and at the end of the day i feel so drained.

Thats also the time him and I Skype. He lives a province away, but were super tight, and Ive never met someone I cherish as much as this guy. We talk almost every single day (we missed one night) but weve Skyped consecutively for the last month and a half. Hes such a great guy, and I cant even explain what I feel for him

But thanks to my shitty ED ive been sort of a bitch to him . Im trying to stay in the moment to talk with him, but my minds all foggy, and my body just hurts so much. Ive just been lowkey sort of pushing him away .

He says it hurts him bc it feels like I dont want to talk to him, but truth is I really do but everything hurts and Im mentally tired as well.

Ive tried explaining it to him, and I think he sort of understands but its still a problem.

I really need advice , guys. i reaaally dont want to lose him :(

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Ahh I ate extra
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 20 14:30:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v7bxk/ahh_i_ate_extra/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I went to gym today
/u/Rolly_Polly_ [Height 172 | CW 70 | GW 55 | BMI 23.6 | Weight Lost 20| 29F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 14:04:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v76em/i_went_to_gym_today/
---
I have been on a really bad binge cycle the last two weeks, so I didn't go to the gym at all. Previously I was going 4-5 days a week and ran 5k every time.

Obviously I have gained a fair amount of weight. Something like 5 kg in these two weeks. Which is bad and I am freaking out. I just want to fast again. I want to never eat.

I went to gym again this morning and I was struggling really bad. Couldn't run the 5k without stopping at all. Previously I could run 4k at 10km per hour and the last km at 11. Today I just had to go back to walking speeds after 2.5km. My hear beat was almost 200 bpm. I felt so terrible. It took whole 3 minutes longer than normal to get through the run.

Even the 15 minutes in the sauna felt like death.

And I have eaten too much again today. I can't understand why do I keep doing this to myself.

But I am going to be back tomorrow and the day after that and so on. Until I am thin.

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[Help] DAE feel out of breath & weak?
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 146.1 | 21.1 | GW1 149 | GW2 145]
Created: Mon Feb 20 13:48:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v732g/dae_feel_out_of_breath_weak/
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DAE feel like this, more so when they are restricting than not? I feel super out of breath and cannot seem to catch my breath to shake this feeling. It goes on all day. I also feel shaky and weak, not necessarily light headed though. Any solutions? I take iron supplements but sometimes forget, I think this could be related.

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[Goal] 5 POUNDS TO GO
/u/dirtandherbs [5'3 | CW 96 | GW 93 | BMI 17.0 | 23F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 13:48:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v732f/5_pounds_to_go/
---
So close, I can almost taste it! My back finally looks good now! Big deal for me, I think backs are one of the sexiest parts of the body. My shoulders are starting to get there, you can see my collar bones extend all the way to my shoulders now and they poke out more than they did. My upper arms, tummy and thighs are the only things that need more work. It's not fat, but I've got extra skin around my upper arms and I don't know which exercises to tone them. Does anyone have any advice? My thigh gap needs to be much wider, it's a little embarassing atm. I haven't lost any weight in my breasts. Just five more pounds! I'll have reached my goal weight. Although I know once I hit 96, I'll want to be 93, and then I'll want to be 90. But hitting my first GW is a big deal for me... I'm starting to finally feel ok about my body. My BF has been really supportive, he's noticed my progress and he says he's impressed by my will power. He has had a lot of nice things to say, and I'm glad I have him to support me. FIVE MORE. I could get there in two more weeks...

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[Rant/Rave] I don't know what I want.
/u/Four_Names [5'6"|CW 137|BMI 22.2| -33.9| F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 13:32:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v6zi0/i_dont_know_what_i_want/
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I'm so sick of feeling so stuck. After weeks of heavily restricting and seeing the numbers drop so quickly, I felt like I was floating on air. I felt this constant, empty, powerful high that no one could take away from me. I was in control and I was magnificent.

But something in me flipped and now I just can't stop eating and eating and eating. I'll start with something small, but after I put something in my mouth I can't stop until I'm in pain from being so full. And now that I've started purging I can't have food in my stomach without that anxious, nagging feeling that I just have to get. it. out. Just feeling it sloshing around in my gut, weighing me down . . .

All I want is to feel hungry, just let it wash over me and give me that high that I had before. Make me unstoppable like it did before.

All I want is to be feel adequately full, and not have to deal with hunger pains, or the feeling that my stomach is about to bust from all the worthless shit I just crammed into it. I've been losing and gaining the same 5 pounds for the last month and I want to pull my hair out, eating up the whole house and devouring all the money we don't have to spend.

I'm so sick of these extreme highs and lows. Why can't I just be a normal, even-keeled teenager? I'm either a god or shit smeared on someone's boot.

Sorry for the book, but thanks for reading.

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[Rant/Rave] The "love your body" movement is so exclusive
/u/yugogrl2000 [64" | 158.9 | 27.27 | -5 | Demigirl]
Created: Mon Feb 20 12:51:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v6qg3/the_love_your_body_movement_is_so_exclusive/
---
Has anyone else noticed the ridiculous outpouring of "love your body" stuff that is pretty much solely geared to make overweight and obese people have pride in their unhealthy condition? Lane Bryant's ad featuring 4 women (one of them being morbidly obese) stated "This body is changing the game". It is foolish to promote pride in obesity. The sad part is that if I posted a photo of a very thin girl with the same verbiage as that ad, there would be an uproar of anger. The hypocrisy is disgusting. Sorry for ranting.

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[Discussion] Has anyone ever had plastic surgery?
/u/imnevergold [5'6 | 112 | 18.15 | -15 | F |]
Created: Mon Feb 20 12:37:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v6n94/has_anyone_ever_had_plastic_surgery/
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I'm seriously thinking about saving up to get plastic surgery as a part of my 10 year plan or something. I hate how flat my nose is and how wide my jaw is. Has anyone had plastic surgery? Were you happier with how you looked afterwards?

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[Help] Anemic but not sure if I "want" to treat it?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 12:32:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v6mcu/anemic_but_not_sure_if_i_want_to_treat_it/
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(On mobile I'll flair when I can) So I got some blood tests done and everything came back fine except my iron is low. Ive never been anemic but I've always supplemented since I'm vegan. I laid off supplements for a bit bc I heard they can constipate you and I already have trouble with that sometimes. Anyway I was reading up on it and I read that anemia is associated with a lowered appetite which I've kinda noticed. I know this sounds bad but having a lowered appetite makes things easier...so is it bad if I don't try to bring up my iron? At least not right now, maybe when I lose a bit more weight?

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[Discussion] In your opinion, what are the Pros and cons of Diet Coke?
/u/tropicalling
Created: Mon Feb 20 12:21:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v6jux/in_your_opinion_what_are_the_pros_and_cons_of/
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I honestly think that my body is 3000% Diet Coke at this point. If I'm hungry, I'll drink it, if I feel like I'll be hungry, I drink it. If I think that maybe I might want something later, Diet Coke for now. (Okay slight exaggeration but I have 1-2 a day because it's free at the restaurant I work at) Everyone always warns about diet soda but in my head I'm like "yeah ok but it's zero cal" anyway, what are the real downsides to it that you guys have noticed? If at all? Health risks?

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[Help] What are your go to ways of getting the bloat and water weight to go away?
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Mon Feb 20 12:16:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v6iq9/what_are_your_go_to_ways_of_getting_the_bloat_and/
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I drink more water and took a natural diuretic supplement, but I still feel puffy. Is there anything that works for you that maybe I haven't heard of??? I just need help:(

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[Rant/Rave] I haven't logged on to this account for 22 days and I'm out of control.
/u/get-it_together [5'3" |160??| UGW 130 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 11:44:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v6bqm/i_havent_logged_on_to_this_account_for_22_days/
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I can't remember a time when I wasn't binging out of control. I'm just used to going to bed feeling sick and waking up feeling sick. I can't stop eating and I've gained real physical weight. My pants don't fit. My thighs are huge.

This is just a rant. Is anyone else going through this?

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[Rant/Rave] Freaking out before my weigh-in.
/u/the-mortyest-morty [5'3 | CW: 122.0| BMI: 21.6 | -22 | GW: 105 | 25F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 11:18:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v660b/freaking_out_before_my_weighin/
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Okay so since I live in a house full of disordered eaters, there's no scale. It works for me, because when I had a scale, I'd spend hours freaking out over one pound that was just water weight anyway.

But this means I only get weighed once a month when I see my doctor. And I am so scared. I was doing so good, feel like I've lost a ton, but I binged a little these past two days and despite not going over 1300 either day, I feel gross. I've pooped today and only ate a half cup of no-fat Chobani (60cals) but I am sooo nervous that the food isn't all out of me, or I've actually gained and just FEEL skinny, or idk. I am so scared. I just wanted to vent. I'll post in the weigh-in thread and update my flair as soon as I know what's up. Wish me luck, guys.

(PS- Please tag this as rant/vent)

EDIT: Got weighed. 123. I was 124 last month. Kinda wanna scream. I've worked so hard. I know part of it was my little binge, and maybe some of it is muscle since I've been working out like crazy, but I am seriously so disappointed. I wanted to be 120 so badly. Argh. Just gotta work harder on my self-control this month. At least I didn't gain.

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[Rant/Rave] I forgot to weigh myself this morning...
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 10:43:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v5y5q/i_forgot_to_weigh_myself_this_morning/
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And I cannot stop thinking about it. I binged yesterday so I know it'll be higher than I was yesterday morning but just not knowing has me more worried and anxious than when I know I went up a little? Is anyone else like this? It's so nerve wracking....weighing as soon as I get out of class.

On mobile can't flare.

Edit: weighed myself when I got home, was dissappointed but when am I not anymore lol.

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[Rant/Rave] You can stop your diet for just one day!0011!!!01!!!
/u/Dylanrose669
Created: Mon Feb 20 10:02:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v5ook/you_can_stop_your_diet_for_just_one_day001101/
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Rant on mobile can't flair.

I was at a 2 day conference and for breakfast the second day the ONLY foods were donuts, bakery foods and COOKIES. WHO THE HECK EATS COOKIES FOR BREAKFAST??? anyways. I got really stressed. My friend offered to get me a donut, and at this point I'm going to have a panic attack. He says "you can break your diet for one day" and I snapped on him. ED or not, I would NEVER eat donuts/cookies for breakfast. No water either only orange juice. I nearly cried when I was offered it.

Lunch? PASTA BAR

DINNER? PIZZA AND HOTDOGS.

Like ugh people are awful.

Anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do?

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[Help] I feel really alone in my eating problems [help]
/u/hahahawHY392928
Created: Mon Feb 20 09:50:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v5lz5/i_feel_really_alone_in_my_eating_problems_help/
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I've noticed many people with eating problems tend to eat healthier foods, but for me it's less of *what* food and more of *how much* food (quantity and calories).

For example, yesterday I had a half of McDonalds burger. A full one is 360 calories so I round it to 500 and note that I consumed 500 calories.
That night I went to McDonalds again with a friend and also had half of a burger, once again consuming 500 calories.

To me it's the numbers that matter most. Numbers numbers numbers. I have to over estimate in case.

I always see people who wouldn't dare eat all the disgusting food I do and I just feel really alone and less valid in my struggle and wanted to know if any one could relate.

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[Discussion] Probably the most relatable article I've read about anorexia
/u/ameliasophia [5'4 | 108 |GW: 92| 19.9 | -19 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 08:53:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v594z/probably_the_most_relatable_article_ive_read/
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It made me so sad reading this, but I felt like someone was understanding me.

None of that stuff about how it's about 'control' or 'rebellion' or 'being sexy.' No psychoanalysis on how we all want to stay children forever.

The bit that struck me most was where it says about how people with anorexia have unusually high levels of serotonin normally. High levels create severe anxiety. Eating less lowers serotonin levels which is why restriction reduces anxiety and makes us feel more 'normal'. This bit really hurt the most:

> The problem is that the brain fights back, increasing the number of receptors for serotonin. This increased sensitivity means that the old negative feelings return, which drives the person to cut back even more on what they are eating. Any attempts to return to normal eating patterns wind up flooding the hypersensitive brain with a surge of serotonin, creating panic, rage and emotional instability. Anorexia has, in effect, locked itself into place.

I'm so scared that I'll never be able to fight this. I keep telling myself this time is the last time. I'll just get down to my goal weight and then I'll never do this to myself again. But the fact that I can't stop myself right now, that even though I'm starving I can't eat, makes me terrified that I haven't got and will never have control.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/mar/29/anorexia-you-dont-just-grow-out-of-it

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[Discussion] Why is eating less unacceptable, but stuffing your face is fine?!
/u/DuckyShincracker [5'4 | 138.7 | 23.67 | -66.3lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 08:25:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v53c0/why_is_eating_less_unacceptable_but_stuffing_your/
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On mobile, please tag rant or discussion.

So, why is eating less than others completely unacceptable, but stuffing your face all the time and getting huge is just fine? Like, neither is healthy, but do people bring it up with big people all the time? Because when I was obese no one said anything. That was JUST as unhealthy as eating so much less. But suddenly there's "concern". Are you kidding me? Why is being fat more acceptable than being thin? I don't understand!!!

Also "running is bad for your joints".... Um... So is being fat. Like, people really don't like other people being healthy around them or especially starting bigger than them and getting smaller than them. Makes them all self conscious, I guess, which they then turn into false concern. You're not concerned. I've given you no reason to be. You're jealous. So over the double standard.

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[Rant/Rave] "It's all water weight!" & other ramblings
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Mon Feb 20 08:16:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v51mq/its_all_water_weight_other_ramblings/
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I've lost 23 pounds in 4 weeks by severely restricting/fasting and exercising a lot.
My roommate commented and told me that it was all water weight and that I would gain it all back soon. Like fuck you ugh... 3 day fast turning into a 5 or 7 day.

I get it. I'm still overweight... but she knows nothing about my eating habits so should I give her credit? Ugh and she claims to have lost 50 pounds but still wears the same dress size?! I just want to chime in and be like, "it doesn't count if you lose the same 2 pounds and gain them back over and over". But that would be mean..

I'm now fucking terrified. Is it all water weight? I never want to eat again... or consume any calories for that matter because I might just gain it all back by having maintenance. Fuck her. Fuck my anxiety.
Someone pls send help SOS I'm losing my mind

Edit on mobile rant definitely

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[Discussion] How much does food mean to you? Why do you think it means so much / so little?
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 52.5 kg | 19.28 | 18 f]
Created: Mon Feb 20 07:45:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v4vsj/how_much_does_food_mean_to_you_why_do_you_think/
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This was supposed to be an answer to a question in another thread, but I trailed off completely and I started thinking...

Eating is, for me, a very private and emotional thing. When I was younger, emotional eating was huge for me. As a child, when I had a bad day in school or if my parents fought, I would sneak out in the kitchen and take food to my room and gorge on it. Usually sweets, chocolates, cereals and other sweet things.

It's very weird for me to eat in front of other people, and I feel quite uncomfortable doing so. This might be partly due to all my anxieties though.

I still find a lot of emotional comfort in eating, and I love it very much. So I want it to be as comfortable an experience as it possibly can. Whenever I eat at home, I'm alone and watching tv, and always with a cup of tea besides me.

If I planned eating something and I'm looking forward to that food, to that moment, and someone has eaten my food or someone got home early and is using the tv or making a lot of noise or something else stress inducing for me, I will break.

It's so bad that if I eat at home and I am not relaxed, I will cry about it. Because then I wasted calories ("happiness points"), and I wasted a joyful moment of my day^this^got^depressing^real^fast

To answer my own question, food has a ridiculous amount of importance to me (at least right now). And I feel weird about it. But mostly just sad

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[Discussion] Does anyone else just get ridiculously annoyed or irritated when someone else eats the food you've planned?
/u/fuckthislol [174cm | 49kg | 16.18/15.95| F]
Created: Mon Feb 20 05:56:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v4drr/does_anyone_else_just_get_ridiculously_annoyed_or/
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Like I had planned out my breakfast/lunch to eat at 12, specifically told my mum not to eat the little tub of rice in the fridge, then I came down at 12, and my sister had gone and eaten the damn thing. She'd just eaten a bowl of last night's pasta and a big fruit smoothie an hour ago! Gahhh, I swear she just eats bloody everything, and it's annoyed me so much, like I know I can just cook more rice, and I've put some more on, but it takes ages to cook, and I wanted to eat then, and there was just the right tiny amount in that tub. Like I've planned out my day, and now the plan is thrown off. I know an hour isn't a huge issue, and to be honest I'm not even that hungry, it's more just the principle of it ya know. My mum was like "it's only 12, it's still early" bollocks, you've probably eaten twice already and I need something to kick-start my brain so I can get this revision started properly, I feel foggy as fuck.

Okay, I know I'm being silly, just needed to get that rant out haha. Anyone else get irrationally stressed or angry when someone messes with your plans or eats your food?

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] The girls at work are starting to notice my weightloss, and they're being mean about it
/u/iHmS81023
Created: Mon Feb 20 05:47:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v4cfn/rant_the_girls_at_work_are_starting_to_notice_my/
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Sorry, I don't know how to add a proper tag, I tried though.

Since starting on a new floor in the hospital I have lost 90lbs. I'm no where near thin. I'm 5'8'' and 150lbs. I want to lose another 35lbs to bring me down to 115lbs. This is causing a problem. Several weeks ago one of the nurses asked me if I was sick. I said no, why. "because you're losing a lot of weight". No shit sherlock. No, I didn't say it like that. Instead I smiled and said "I know" and walked away.

A few days later another nurse said to me "We were talking about you the other day....(wtf) you're losing a lot of weight, how much have you lost?" Embarrassed I said 60lbs. I didn't want to say how much I've actually lost.

Another nursing assistant approached me and said "Hey Ihms81023, you know you've lost more weight right?" Yup, I know. "Are you happy about that?" Hell yeah. "Well S* is worried about you, thinks you are an anorexic." Just wait until I lose more weight, I wonder what she'll say then.

Leaving work the other night one of the doctors I used to work with "OMG Ihms81023! Get back here! How much have you lost? 100lbs? You look incredible!" Ahhhh I felt so good about myself. She knew how big I was before and practically nailed my weightloss numbers. Yeah she was off by 10lbs but was super encouraging. That was until I told her I wanted to lose more. Then the tone changed.

I'm not thin. I'm not anorexic. Why can't I want to go in the low end of normal BMI without being judged? Is it because I used to be so large?

I'm just tired of being judged on my weight. I was sooooooo big and am sure I was talked about behind my back about my weight, and now I'm in a normal range they've amped it up to talking about it both behind my back AND to my face. It makes me feel like shit.

When they do this to me I lose all control when I get home from work. I eat chips, ice cream, sometimes a nasty sunday wit chocolate ice cream, a microwaved donut, sprinkled with potato chips.

Oh! the worst. Everyone says I don't eat. I DO IT DAMNIT. I just don't eat the nasty ass stale sandwiches or cookies that get brought in. I also don't like the cakes and pies that get brought in OR the crappy food places they get delivery from. I'm content munching on peanuts or a protein bar during my breaks.

How do I get them to stop. It's even worse when I try and hide my body wearing baggy scrubs and a jacket. It seems to draw more attention to my weightloss.

ps: those were only a handful of comments, I get called out on my weightloss every shift by multiple nurses and nursing assistants. I just want them to STFU and leave me alone. The comments they make leave me feeling worse about myself, not better.


Edit: I'd just like to say you are all awesome. Thanks for the encouraging words!

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[Help] Is it worth eating so I don't pass out on my dates??
/u/cheeekyslug [5'5" | - 4 | 19F ]
Created: Mon Feb 20 05:21:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v48ra/is_it_worth_eating_so_i_dont_pass_out_on_my_dates/
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I've been going on dates this last 3 weeks. I'm moving to NYC this summer and then SF in the fall and just got out of a shit relationship so I've been needing new people in my life. Lately it's just been going to downtown and getting drinks. I usually need to eat before, like a bowl of oatmeal and honey. During the day, I like walking in the park and get ice cream or coffee. I have the sex drive of a sloth when I'm restricting so I usually just ditch right after lmao

I'm going on a 3rd date with this guy I'm super happy about this one because we have so much in common! However, we've already done the first two and we're planning to hang out at his place but I'm trying to fast again this week. Should I just go on lil mini dates with other guys in the meantime and try not to pass out beforehand? Whenever I'm fasting, I get quieter and slower for some reason in every aspect haha.

How do you guys survive restricting and social situations?

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! February 20, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Feb 20 05:17:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v4885/weekly_stats_update_february_20_2017/
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This is the weekly status thread for February 20, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 20, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Feb 20 05:17:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v487k/daily_food_diary_february_20_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for February 20, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] I think my bulk was actually pretty successful, in a way (plus questions for people who have gone through anything similar to 'physical recovery')
/u/smokesanddietcokes [28/F | SW: 105kg | CW: 51kg | GW 1: 45kg ( UGW: 39.9kg )]
Created: Mon Feb 20 03:40:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v3w3f/i_think_my_bulk_was_actually_pretty_successful_in/
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My original aim for gaining weight was to lean bulk - after struggling with that, I just flipped and it turned real dirty. Then everything just went to absolute shit. Rollercoaster. I havn't binged the whole time, my appetite has really evened out the last couple of weeks and there's no hunger moments anymore, but I have gained a bunch, and weird shit is happening now.

I've been absolutely devastated about the sheer amount of fat I've gained over the last couple of months - and I have absolutely gained an astronomical amount of fat, it looks gross on me (why can't I be one of those people who looks cute with chub?!) - but when I was body checking today, I decided to flex and really inspect... and I really think I've gained a whole bunch of muscle mass too. That's a **yay**!!

This makes me excited to see what I will look like now if I cut the fat. I know the way I lose weight isn't ideal for preventing muscle loss, hah, but I've stocked up on BCAAs and protein powder, and am going to experiment with nutrition timing, try to do better with that this time round, and try very hard to get over my fear of carbs when wanting to lose - get some carbs in after workouts. Maybe. Okay that probably wont happen I'm so scared BUT IM GONNA TRY OKAY?

Some questions, mostly involving the 'weird shit' I mentioned earlier:

* I am no longer cold all the time. I experience chills here and there at really random times, but I am no longer constantly cold - actually kinda warm and sweaty. My hair has stopped falling out. My appetite has really evened out (no more extreme hunger binging, although my appetite is still kinda big, it's definitely not that extreme bingey-ness anymore). These things make me think my high intake over the last few months have changed my body - revved up my metabolism again? Balanced out some hormones? Could this be true? PLEASE SAY IT IS SO!

* Argh **EVERYTHING HURTS.** I am experiencing muscle pain 24/7 even when I skip workouts - which yep, never thought I would, but I have over the last couple of weeks because everything hurts. Arms, legs, *feet*. Pain, stiffness - it feels like DOMs every day, but even when I havn't lifted or worked out in any way so it's not actually DOMs. plussss:

* I am constantly fatigued no matter how much rest I get, how many workouts I skip. It's so weird. I am so deep down fatigued and it feels awful. I certainly wont be deficient in any energy/nutrients with my intake recently, nor dehydrated... so why all the fatigue and muscle pain? I've read it's possible when people start to 'recover', could this be why I am experiencing it? Even if mentally I havn't made peace with weight gain or being a higher weight, my intake has been higher, could physically my body be going through this 'recovery'? Any advice on how to handle this?

Beh. Any experiences regarding any of that? Or thoughts?

(*Note: I hope no one is offended - I know it's pretty shitty to 'go back' when I may have made some physical progress with health and stuff, but I've now accepted mentally I am just not there yet. I promised I did try to keep on this path, especially when I noticed that my appetite had evened out and I could perhaps maintain a 'healthy intake'.... but I can't live like this, looking like this. Many people look really gorgeous with a higher fat percentage on their body imo, but to me I personally look absolutely disgusting. It's not time for me to let go completely, I just can't. I can't bear to be seen in public and dread going to my running clubs and to the gym (when I can) because of people seeing me.*)

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[Discussion] Snus/cigarettes/nicotine
/u/electille [5'7 | 123 | 19.2 | ?]
Created: Mon Feb 20 02:47:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v3pxt/snuscigarettesnicotine/
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I've started turning to nicotine when hungry. Who else does this? I know it's unhealthy but hey, not eating is just as unhealthy and I do that anyhow, ahah.


My friends are judgemental of this and I can't just tell them I use to suppress the hunger, told em I get really anxious and dunno how else to deal (also tru buuuuuut not the main reason hah)

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Damn binges
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 20 01:13:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v3fry/damn_binges/
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[removed]

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[Goal] Lowest size ever! and small vanity sizing rant
/u/rosepurplesoup [5'10" | 131| 18.33| -52 | F 🌻]
Created: Sun Feb 19 21:27:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v2kpv/lowest_size_ever_and_small_vanity_sizing_rant/
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Sooooo I've been wearing these same few pairs of size 10 super stretchy (ugh) jeans for months. Like at least 30 pounds ago. So I got fed up of always being self-conscious of my baggy jeans and went to a 30% off sale.

My hope was size 6. Instead I fit a size 2.

When I was too small for size 8 I was elated, but after returning from my third run for smaller sizes I wasn't excited by the number actually being two. I mean, in no fucking universe is my tall, pudgy, pear-shaped ass a size 2. I always have to buy my tall jeans online anyway, so tomorrow I'm just going to a store with more realistic sizing and hope I fit into a 6 there. If I do then I'll be able to actually enjoy these jeans and feel like I've accomplished something of value.

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[Rant/Rave] Slipping
/u/ssattub [5'6.5''| 125lbs | 19.88 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 21:12:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v2ies/slipping/
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Updates for anyone who recognizes my username. I've moved back up to norcal to be with a long time friend who is now my partner. He is an amazing wonderful man. The issue is I'm living in a city which is very small and had a stalker here which led to me moving south and developing ptsd. I also have no car and am not working. We are moving to Oregon next month, so this is a short term problem.

But I'm slipping. I've been eating properly, more or less. Still thin. Like 125lbs. But lately since getting here I want to starve and die. Which sucks because he knows my issues and I hate to hurt him or scare him. Anyway, I dont know. I guess today is the day I decided Im back and am going to try to go for lw or lower again.

It also really eats me up since he's dated a girl with an eating disorder before and she was thinner than me at my worst. I want to be the worst.

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[Help] My Mexico Vacation...
/u/shiver23 [5'5.5 | CW: 135 lbs l UGW: 120><105 lbs l -15 lbs | 25F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 21:02:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v2guc/my_mexico_vacation/
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Hey lovely people,

I hope you'll understand this, you're the only ones I feel I can fully vent to.

I'm on vacation in Mexico without a scale & there are not a ton of calorie counts on items. It's stressing me out & I feel really anxious about my weight because of it.

I feel terrible that I'm not hanging out with the family (inlaws + brother in law, his gf & my partner. However, at the same time, being by myself is how I keep calm and am able to restrict when they aren't around.

I'm lucky that they don't pressure me about my habits but I still feel bad. For example, I had breakfast & dinner today (still more calories than I'd like ~1100) due to French Toast & bacon for breakfast. It was delicious, but I still felt bad after eating it. I've also haven't been drinking (which is large part of my inlaws' culture *they don't get drunk, just have wine & beer a lot with meals).

My partner knows I've had trouble with an ED before, but he's more concerned I'm not enjoying my vacation then anything. I've been blaming my mood on homesickness & other factors like excitement about a new job when I get back home. He knows I'm concerned about my weight, but I don't think he realizes how bad my ED really is...

He said he just wants to have fun with me, even if he can have fun without me with the rest of the family. We're hanging out just the two of us tomorrow so that should be nice. I'm much more introverted when I'm stressed so socializing even with people I like is hard.

Any tips for a girl on vacation who is still trying to lose weight?
I'm still walking around town, stretching & going swimming but my restriction is pretty much shot. I feel so helpless...

*Hopefully when we go to the bigger beach town on Tuesday I can buy a scale... It's driving me crazy that I don't know my weight right now!

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Sketch about stress eating by Collegehumor. Too real.
/u/sillybamboo [5'3'' | CW140 | GW135 | BMI 24.8 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 20:17:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v29mr/sketch_about_stress_eating_by_collegehumor_too/
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https://youtu.be/PiUK9fRboD0

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[Discussion] How do you time your eating?
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105.2 | GW 95]
Created: Sun Feb 19 20:07:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v27vj/how_do_you_time_your_eating/
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I find my days to be more successful the longer I can put off eating. Because no matter how much I eat during the day, it seems I just have to eat most of my calories at night.

I'm curious what kind of eating times you guys follow. Small regularly spaced meals? Snacking through the day? One big meal? Any rules or routines you stick by?

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[Discussion] Apple Cider Vinegar to skip meals?
/u/Sheerwits
Created: Sun Feb 19 19:26:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v20s0/apple_cider_vinegar_to_skip_meals/
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[removed]

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I think the Russians have hacked my scale
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 19 19:11:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v1y63/i_think_the_russians_have_hacked_my_scale/
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[removed]

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[Goal] I want to bring back posting hands for a sec bc I finally feel good enough about mine to post it :]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 19 18:34:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v1rot/i_want_to_bring_back_posting_hands_for_a_sec_bc_i/
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http://imgur.com/a/TIz9u

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[Rant/Rave] Abused laxatives and went to a party. Dont know what to do
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 19 18:32:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v1rgq/abused_laxatives_and_went_to_a_party_dont_know/
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[deleted]

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Abused laxativss
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 19 18:27:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v1qiv/abused_laxativss/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Best week this year <3
/u/Lady_Anarchy [169cm | CW: 54kg | GW: 52kg | BMI: 18.94 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 17:56:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v1lfe/best_week_this_year_3/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/d9bd5eaa6ccf4bef8331d07bdbfb9dd5?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=6613d7dca13d62864442f97d2e8a46e5

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[Rant/Rave] Hate hate hate this cycle
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 19 16:34:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v175m/hate_hate_hate_this_cycle/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Everything is too fucking hard
/u/MariaCaterina
Created: Sun Feb 19 15:51:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v0zrg/everything_is_too_fucking_hard/
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I feel like I am spiraling out of control, like I can't do anything right. Can't meet my deadlines, can't keep up in class, can't even stay in my own house at night. I get panicky and lonesome, and so I've been commuting to the city from my Mum's place each day. She works in the city herself and makes the trip every day anyway, so it isn't too inconvenient, but I do feel like a heap of shit. I make myself so sick, I'm 20 years old and acting like such a fucking baby about everything.

Tomorrow will be better, I think; Sundays always depress me for some fucking reason.

I wish I wasn't like this.

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[Other] I'm done.
/u/llamadude00
Created: Sun Feb 19 15:02:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v0qo1/im_done/
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I do not want to do this anymore. My hair is thinning, and my muscles ache. I want to be healthy and toned. I want to lose this the right way. I haven't been dealing with this for too long, 6 months maybe, but I want toned muscles that I got healthily. I just found a workout routine that I can do at home, I have a track near my house, and I found a flexibility/mobility routine. I'm gonna eat 1450 calories a day. I'm done. Thanks for all the good times y'all. Gonna miss y'all. <3

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[Discussion] Well this is new for me...
/u/morose_adipose [5'2 | 90ish | F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 14:43:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v0mzz/well_this_is_new_for_me/
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I dunno. My behaviors have changed so many times over the years. I've been doing really well with restricting/fasting/not binging for the past little while and so it seems like my brain got annoyed with me and changed things up a bit.

Suddenly I have new rules. I can't eat before 5 pm. I can only eat a salad with certain ingredients. (I deviated from that rule last night and it almost broke my mind lol) I have to make the salad last for at least an hour and I can't eat every bite. I have to leave some "for later" which just gets thrown out the next day. After I eat the salad, I have to wait til 8:30, and then I can have my yogurt (specific brand and flavor only) and Quest bar. This has to last an hour.

Any change from this routine causes me an insane amount of anxiety. Am I broken? LOL.

Side question...does anyone else view their brain as a separate entity? Like, it's hard to explain.... I just feel like it's this controlling, parasitic being that has taken over my body and sometimes I can fight it and be "me" but other times, not so much. Like right now. And these rules.

Sorry for rambling. I'm not even drunk, just uncharacteristically chatty lol.

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[Rant/Rave] I wasn't even hungry...
/u/95CHOI
Created: Sun Feb 19 14:10:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v0gp9/i_wasnt_even_hungry/
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Ended up being forced to eat a sandwich and watched while I did so to make sure I ate it. The pain after the first few bites was awful and as I expected would happen, despite the pain, I ended up "binging" on other things after. I tried to purge as much as I could but who knows how much is still left... The feeling of failure is the worst. I'd rather be dead than feel like this. Now I remember why I hate food so fucking much. I was SO close to 200hrs.... I did make it an entire 8 days but I wanted to see out 200hrs. My birthday is in a few days and I'd accepted the probability that I'd have to end my fast as I would be expected to eat but this was unexpected and now I want to die. After my birthday, I'm fasting indefinitely.

On another note, I can't remember the last time I had carbs and didn't purge them... I think my BED might be turning into bulimia...
Fan-fucking-tastic.

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] CollegeHumor seriously hitting the nail on the head...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 19 13:57:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v0e93/collegehumor_seriously_hitting_the_nail_on_the/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiUK9fRboD0

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[Rant/Rave] Just more encouragement to not eat
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 19 13:56:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v0e69/just_more_encouragement_to_not_eat/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] filled with anxiety right now and I can't talk to anyone but you all about it
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 19 13:48:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v0cp7/filled_with_anxiety_right_now_and_i_cant_talk_to/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Sucky Sunday
/u/PlaTOESatlantis
Created: Sun Feb 19 13:13:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5v05zb/sucky_sunday/
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On mobile sorry can't flair.

So i was doing incredibly well on my newest restriction diet until me and my OH had a fight and then i gorged on a massive pancake and 500g of greek yogurt with about 4 tablespoons of honey. Shot my daily target to hell in a handbasket. Ironically our argument is over me being picky and him saying nothings ever good enough for me. Urgh. Fuck sundays.

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[Rant/Rave] Just a small thing I'm kinda happy about
/u/_saisonenenfer [175cm | not thin :( | M]
Created: Sun Feb 19 12:37:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uzz6w/just_a_small_thing_im_kinda_happy_about/
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Maybe this sounds pathetic or embarrassing but I haven't had candy, junk food, chocolate, chips or sodas for 11 days and I'm happy about that. I've managed to go without it. I'm drinking lots of water instead. My next goal starting tomorrow is to cut down portion size or just skip some meals outright.

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[Rant/Rave] Whenever I fight with my boyfriend I want to purge and stop eating?
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 113 GW: 85 | -18 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 12:36:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uzyuc/whenever_i_fight_with_my_boyfriend_i_want_to/
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Haven't talked for like a week. Tried to patch things up and it got worse yesterday. Have been super depressed, binged this morning, but now just want to purge and exercise and not eat for a week. Hate myself for being so weak.

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[Goal] Compromise between ED and fitness (lol)
/u/cayndc [5'7" |SW 132/ CW 120 | 18.7| -12 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 12:14:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uzut2/compromise_between_ed_and_fitness_lol/
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First, I had to create a separate account to post in this subreddit because if I post in the fitness-related subreddits, the people there will see my ProED posts and hate me.

So, I want to be thin but I don't want to be skinny-fat. So I'm going to start working out and I do not care about conventional wisdom that you have to eat more than usual in order to build muscle.

Here's what I'm doing:

* Trusting physics and CICO, because there will be some water weight shifts

* Lifting heavy weights with low reps (*Thinner Leaner Stronger* is the book I'm trusting)

* Walking arount 7 miles a day and trying to do HIIT at least 3x per week.

* Tracking calories relentlessly. I know that the only thing that can actually make me fat is Calories In > Calories Out. My BMR is ~1350, but weight lifting will increase that, so I just need to be at a deficit.

* Not body checking for awhile. Again, there will be weight fluctuations due to muscle recovery. I certainly won't be boney, but in the long run, I'm hoping to gain other benefits.

* Light EC stacks

Now I know that at a deficit I may not build muscle. But this is something I want to experiment with.

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Collegehumor nailed it this time lmfao fml (Stressagain's: The Restaurant for Stress-Eating)
/u/apricaught [5'3.5"| CW HAHA FUCK | 20.80| -16| F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 11:18:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uzk7d/collegehumor_nailed_it_this_time_lmfao_fml/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiUK9fRboD0&sns=fb

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[Rant/Rave] Feel like I'm fighting a losing battle
/u/PizzaInMyUrethra [5'5" | CW: INSANE | GW1: 150 | 24F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 11:13:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uzjc5/feel_like_im_fighting_a_losing_battle/
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I have SO much weight to lose. I'm so fat, by definition and by my own thoughts.

On no planet is my weight at my height considered acceptable. I feel so fucking defeated lately, I don't feel like I'll ever lose enough.

I've been bingeing all weekend, and will probably go back to restricting Monday. So this is just a rant looking for kind words as I can't say them myself.

I just cry every time I see my body in the mirror. I'm trapped in 70lbs of excess fat, it all needs to go before I can be "normal". Not even skinny, just NORMAL is my first goal.

I can't continue being this, I'm so bloody sad and disappointed.

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[Goal] "Where did your arm go?!"
/u/the-mortyest-morty [5'3 | CW: 122.0| BMI: 21.6 | -22 | GW: 105 | 25F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 11:13:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uzj9k/where_did_your_arm_go/
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I love my fiancé. He's the best. He knows not to point out weight gain because it makes me go crazy, and he's usually the first to notice when I've lost weight. Overall he's very supportive, knows about my ED, and doesn't try to control me. He's great.

We were laying in bed last night and I was kinda stretched out over his chest, with my arm sticking out at a weird angle. He grabbed it, fit his entire hand around my bicep, and was like "OMG! Where did your arm go?! Your bicep is thinner than your elbow joint??!"

I was like, "Yeah dude, that's what an arm is supposed to look like! It's not supposed to have all that jiggly chicken-wing shit going on with it."

And then he said, "You look amazing. I am so proud of you."

I fell asleep SO happy last night. My upper arms have always been a HUGE source of insecurity for me and it's just nice not to have to feel so self-conscious anymore. I'm making progress!

I've got a weigh-in tomorrow and I'm so fucking nervous. On the one hand, I feel like there is NO way I haven't lost a little weight. I'd be happy with 120, for now. But if I've gained...my fucking head will explode. I'll keep you guys posted!

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[Thinspo] thinspo movies
/u/moggettt [5'5 | 108 | 18.0 | NB]
Created: Sun Feb 19 07:29:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uygft/thinspo_movies/
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i've definitely seen posts like this here before but not for a while. what are some of your favorite thinspo movies to watch? (mine are pretty much anything with a young winona, angelina, christina ricci or helena bonham carter lol)

i've never seen black swan, which ive seen mentioned on this topic, i'm planning on watching that tonight or tomorrow!

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[Rant/Rave] Stupid fucking scale
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 06:36:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uy9ex/stupid_fucking_scale/
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The damn thing weighed me at 120 this morning. I KNOW I haven't lost that much since yesterday. Why can't it just be consistent?! Am I going to have to spend $200 on a scale that'll actually work? So much anxiety. Sorry for rambling.

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[Discussion] Anybody else love r/normalnudes?
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Sun Feb 19 05:44:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uy30w/anybody_else_love_rnormalnudes/
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Puts a lot of things in perspective for me. Lower weights don't necessarily mean a better body. Makes me want to hit the gym pretty badly, but I know i'll never do that. At least not right now. We're too poor, and I need a personal trainer. So in the mean time, I'll just become as skinny as I possibly can, right?

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Feb 19 05:10:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uxz8h/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
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Happy Sunday February 19, 2017~

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 19, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Feb 19 05:10:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uxz7s/daily_food_diary_february_19_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for February 19, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] people are worried.
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 19 03:11:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uxnsm/people_are_worried/
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and that makes me so HAPPY.

i'm fucked up. i will update my flair eventually....

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[Help] Relationship and ED... HELP
/u/charpiercy1
Created: Sun Feb 19 01:41:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uxfbx/relationship_and_ed_help/
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*no flair sorry I'm on my phone*
So I'm feeling pretty unhappy in my relationship, it feels strained, no fun anymore and I'm struggling to want to have sex. I'm really confused to whether these feelings are down to the eating problems making me feel low or whether I'm actually unhappy in the relationship? Has anyone been in this position and if yes what's been the outcome?
Please help!

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[Rant/Rave] some stupid fight [rant]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 19 00:37:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ux97l/some_stupid_fight_rant/
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[deleted]

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Rough night
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 18 23:54:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ux4pj/rough_night/
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[deleted]

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All I want is to restrict again
/u/englace [172cm | 112lbs | 17.0 | -35.4lbs | Female]
Created: Sat Feb 18 23:20:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ux0q6/all_i_want_is_to_restrict_again/
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I'm going to try to keep this brief, but over the last few weeks and months my mental and physicsl health has been steadily improving. I'm happy, I'm hopeful, and yet... Everything seems to trigger me now. Like, everything. I've been eating about 2300 kcal/day in an attempt to gain for a while now - because I'm tired of being so underdeveloped and unhealthy looking - but as I actually start to gain and the peaks of my hips and lines of my ribs slowlt smooth out all I can think of is restricting again. It's so, so easy, and yet I know the last time I let myself relapse it almost killed me and spawned a long, awful spiral. Not that that changes anything. Is anyone here fighting similar thoughts? I just want to feel like this isn't a solitary fight.

(I'm sorry for the lack of a tag - mobile is such a pain in the ass. If a mod could put a discussion tag on this I'd really appreciate it.)

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[Discussion] does your reflection look different to you before and after you eat?
/u/burningspoke [5'0''| 90.6bs | 19f]
Created: Sat Feb 18 22:13:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uwsp5/does_your_reflection_look_different_to_you_before/
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in the morning when my stomach's empty, and i'm weak + lightheaded, i feel ok about my body. my reflection doesn't completely disgust me.

the second i have a bite of food my reflection looks completely different to me. my legs look even shorter + massive, my face looks bloated, etc.

does anyone else experience this hell :s

edit: so glad to know i'm not alone in this.

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[Rant/Rave] My mom pointed out that I gained weight
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Sat Feb 18 21:43:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uwoo7/my_mom_pointed_out_that_i_gained_weight/
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She said "you gained weight that's good you were too thin last time I saw you" (2 1/2 weeks ago)
"How much do you weigh now 150?" Wtf she said that to be a bitch she knows I'm nowhere near 150. She seriously thinks I gained 20 fucking pounds in 2 1/2 weeks. I gained like 8 because I've really been struggling. She gets so jealous and salty when when my weight drops. It's not even like concern it's genuine saltiness. And she said that because she's knew it would hurt me. She such a narcissist bitch. I don't ever want to eat again, I'm so angry, she actually can fuck off

Edit:she just asked me why my butt is so flat

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[Help] Worst Binge Day in Known History; Modeling Event in 2 Weeks
/u/canwefloat [5'5 | 120 | - 11 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 21:32:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uwn8h/worst_binge_day_in_known_history_modeling_event/
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I was trying not to overeat but today I uh. Did. A lot. An _absurd_ amount of food is sitting in my body right now.


I'm going to an event in two weeks where I was booked to greet people/stand around and look nice.


I am feeling so anxious right now. As soon as I got booked I started binging every other day. My self esteem is at an all time low. I hate my face and my body, I think I got booked because my headshots didn't really even look like me in the first place, and this is my first job with the modeling agency. My eyebrows are stupid and my nose is big and my face looks perpetually swollen and my lips look weird and my boobs are too pointy and I have so much fat on my stomach and ;lkhksdjkslaljfldjfl.

What is the most damage control I can do in 2 weeks to reign this
in? Most weight I can lose?

Also I've weighed 120 lbs now for the past 2 months but I literally am too ashamed to update.

Also I bought a bike today and they asked me how much I weighed at the store and I literally said "OH WOW"

That's all I got for now. Sorry.

Edit:

I posted on TwoX a few days ago about self esteem issues (triggered by a LITERALLY PERFECT model friend to the point of depression) and basically was told to get over myself. You guys are all I have.

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When people surprise you with food [RANT]
/u/FatAFHo
Created: Sat Feb 18 20:48:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uwh0g/when_people_surprise_you_with_food_rant/
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I was trying to spend the next thirty days eating at around 500 calories a day. I had all my calories planned out for today, and I was doing great.

I came home today from running errands to find that my boyfriend and best friend had prepared me homemade gyoza, miso soup, sashimi and salad. Sashimi plus side dishes is one of my favorite meals, and they wanted to cheer me up after the bad week I had. And I had to eat the good they made me. How could I possibly offend the two people I care most about, especially after they went through all this time and money (good fish isn't cheap, fuck) to cheer me up?

I'm just so upset at myself right now though. I just feel fat and gross and I'm never going to lose any of weight. I still ate at a deficit; I'm looking at about 1,200 calories for the day, but I just feel so frustrated and angry. I'm upset that I'm mad at myself for not having self control, at them for springing a huge meal out of nowhere. Idk I know this is mostly incoherent but ugh I'm just a fat cow and nothing ever seems to go the way I plan it to when I'm attempting to stop being a fat cow.

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[Rant/Rave] I AM JUST GOING TO FUCKING DO IT
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 20:46:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uwguj/i_am_just_going_to_fucking_do_it/
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I am going to control my body. It will not rule me anymore. I am going to buckle down and fast because I'm SO FUCKING TIRED of being disappointed every damn day. I have caffeine pills and Welbutrin, so FUCK YOU, appetite. Cravings will be beaten down into the dust by declarations of how DAMN STUPID they are.

This is happening. I AM NOT PLAYING ANYMORE. No more bullshit. No more exceptions. I am fucking angry, and I will use this anger to GET SHIT DONE.

I will succeed, and you all will hear about it.

Thank you.

---

[Other] Down 30 lbs, hoping to lose at least 20 more- still a fatass.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 18 19:32:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uw5rl/down_30_lbs_hoping_to_lose_at_least_20_more_still/
---
http://imgur.com/QdLfKbK

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[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend keeps getting upset...i don't know where else to post this since i trust people here more (rant)
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 19:20:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uw40a/boyfriend_keeps_getting_upseti_dont_know_where/
---
Sooo, ever since I've been on my Cymbalta, my moods have calmed down tenfold.. I thought this was going to be great and fix things.


I've been happier, been eating less, keeping weight off, been more loving to my kids and SO.

However, if I even get rationally upset when my boyfriend won't get off of Smite (only game I hate because he has an unhealthy obsession with it, and plays for hours on hours). The reason I was upset is because I've been working and acting as primary caretaker of our daughter and I wanted to rest after a busy day out with the kids.

I just wanted him to change her poopy diaper, not asking for a lot, so I said I didn't like how he ignored me until his match was over... Maybe I'm still just too fat and annoying.


I just want him to get help, idk what to do because I'm not getting as upset as he is over this.


He got full on angry saying I shouldn't talk about him and his habits in front of the kids, even when my son had tried talking to him and was kind of just blowing the poor kid off.


Am I just fucking stupid?

I didn't even say shut up or anything and he told me to stop talking when I tried explaining why I was upset, I also apologizd prior to the fight but he said it was bullshit..


Lol WTF

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[Discussion] Does anyone else feel like no matter what they do they're faking it?
/u/witchy2628 [5'3 | 155lbs | 27 | -35 | f]
Created: Sat Feb 18 19:14:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uw31t/does_anyone_else_feel_like_no_matter_what_they_do/
---
I've lost 35-40 pounds (depending on the day haha) by restricting, but no matter how many calories I allow myself, I always feel like "well I ate that so obviously I'm fine and I don't have disordered eating". And it's somehow invalidating? I don't know is this normal?

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[Rant/Rave] the fucking "Ed" thing
/u/moggettt [5'5 | 108 | 18.0 | NB]
Created: Sat Feb 18 19:12:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uw2rn/the_fucking_ed_thing/
---
if i have to listen to one more dietitian/therapist/mhp talk about "Ed" i think i'm gonna flip. it drives me nuts. i don't even know why. like partially its just...lady, i'm 27 years old, you don't have to give my eating disorder a cutesy nickname for me to understand it, this is demeaning to both of us

plus i don't really buy into the whole model of completely separating my ED from myself? like i don't eat, it's not an alien parasite attached to my brain stem making me not eat, it's me, i'm the one not eating.

the whole thing is sooooo obnoxious to me. idk. i just needed to vent because it's seriously testing me lately

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel like I have nothing to look forward to except losing weight.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 18:05:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uvs5h/i_feel_like_i_have_nothing_to_look_forward_to/
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I feel bad for it, but part of me really wants days to go by faster so I can lose weight and/or eat again. I haven't gone to bed satisfied in a long time because I'm still losing the weight I gained from attempting to recover. And I'm so freaking depressed that barely anything feels enjoyable, and most things feel overstimulating. Fuuuuuck. Progress is so freaking slow. I hate it.

---

Livestream
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 18 18:03:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uvrtg/livestream/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Finally after 4 months...
/u/BlazeDozer [6'2 | CW: 168.4 | GW: 135lbs | -32lbs | Female(Trans)]
Created: Sat Feb 18 17:52:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uvpye/finally_after_4_months/
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After 4 months of a viscous cycle of binge, purge, fast, repeat. Ive finally broken into the 160s and honestly this has given me a surge of motivation. Im just so happy, and im going to try and work harder. I think what did it was i took my credit card out of my wallet so i couldnt afford fast food or anything.

Honestly it was so shameful, i would shovel the food down then like 5 mins later i pulled over and purged in the bag it came in.

Im so happy i pushed through it though, these last 4 months have been utter hell. Its nice to have a place to share this, I cant ever share with my friends because i dont want them to worry.

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[Help] Need some help - what am I willing to do?
/u/biggoldie
Created: Sat Feb 18 17:36:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uvnco/need_some_help_what_am_i_willing_to_do/
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I've been seeing a therapist off an on for a year but just switched to her full time which means she's now my primary therapist for the ED. Our normal sessions are work/interpersonal skills so this is a big change for both of us. Our first ED-related session was Friday and she was tough. She asked about going back to treatment which I said no to. My homework this week is to come up with a list of "what I'm willing to do." She said she's assessing where our starting point is.

I don't want to walk in with a list of actual things to change, only to have her tell me to do them, but I do want to give her something that shows I'm willing to make some movement. Here's what I have so far. Can you think of any you would add?


**Things I can agree to do and actually do**

* Not lose any more weight
* Look for opportunities to be recovery focused
* Push myself to actually say what comes up in session
* Use all other coping skills first - piano, journaling, coloring, talking
* I will do my best to stay in the present and not dwell on things happening months from now
* Loosen up on the rigidity and practice giving up control

**Things I can agree to do but not feel too guilty about doing anyway**

* Stop taking laxatives
* Not take adderall
* Not ignore hunger
* Not use compensatory behaviors if I feel like I’ve eaten too much one day
* Not add in new behaviors - purging, diet pills, etc.

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[Discussion] How much water does everyone drink per day?
/u/jizzymt [5'8"|156lbs|-16|BMI 23.8|F|GW1: 154|UGW: 120?]
Created: Sat Feb 18 17:20:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uvkpz/how_much_water_does_everyone_drink_per_day/
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Also when you do you drink it?

I tend to do it right before food (as in gulp loads down like a mad man just before eating)

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[Rant/Rave] Friend just asked me how I stuff so much food down my throat.
/u/whatisthisshow2002
Created: Sat Feb 18 17:19:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uvkgd/friend_just_asked_me_how_i_stuff_so_much_food/
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Context: I was disgusting last night and ate four slices of pizza (oh my god how) and then a whole bowl full of rice crackers. Total 1379 calories. In the morning I had another slice and went to school, where we were chatting about food and everything, and I let it slip that I had five slices of pizza in two days and my friend (who's really pretty FYI) just was like "Oh my god, how the hell do you stuff so much food down your throat?" Worst part is: she's the friend who's always trying to force me to have lunch and shit. I think this is the first time I've realised just how disgusting and repulsive my body is to everyone around me. I'm gonna try and stick harder to my diet now.

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[Rant/Rave] I miss you people.
/u/nauticaI [5'3½ | BMI 20 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 16:17:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uv9w6/i_miss_you_people/
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Though my username isn't one anybody would recognize and I was only here for a few months, ProED became such a routine and safe-haven while I was here. This community is so supportive and more helpful than I think any of us can comprehend.

I have taken a bit of a break from this sub (and myfitnesspal, and reddit in general, gasp). I don't think that my coming on here was "wrong", but my relationship with food is just not something I'm comfortable talking about with anyone, and I don't know if it ever will be. I was getting extremely paranoid about my boyfriend lurking through my things and finding out about my username here. It got to the point where I believed he was somehow able to tap into my phone's camera and/or view the screen that I was viewing...

Needless to say, my anxiety meds were upped once again, and I attempted to stay away for my own peace of mind. But the truth is that I never felt more in control (in the right way - I think) and comfortable in my routine than I did while I was posting and reading here.

Currently I feel wildly out of control (B/P routine for the first time in ages), but somehow, I've only gained ~3 pounds since my LW around November. Now more than ever, I want to get my life back on track. I started a full-time job that I am well under-qualified for and feel I have absolutely no routine and no energy. I wake up at 7, go to work until 5, (eating what I can get my hands on throughout the day, sometimes nearly nothing, sometimes *all the food*) come home, and pretty much instantly get back in bed. My stress levels are through the roof (I have actually developed an eye twitch and have been getting regular headaches the way I did as a kid when my anxiety was undiagnosed...lmao).

I think that having my eating under control is something that helps. Not the control that most people think of though - the type that you all understand. I want to come back here but - I guess as a rule for me in all aspects of life - it is so hard to find a balance.

**Anyway, I know this post doesn't have much of a point. Thanks for reading, to anyone who's made it this far. Just wanted to say hello and that I hope you're all okay. Hopefully I can start wandering back here soon.**

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[Rant/Rave] I...cannot fucking believe what just happened.
/u/the-mortyest-morty [5'3 | CW: 122.0| BMI: 21.6 | -22 | GW: 105 | 25F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 15:30:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uv1pv/icannot_fucking_believe_what_just_happened/
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[removed]

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Inpatient
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Sat Feb 18 15:29:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uv1kc/inpatient/
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So Thursday I went back to the doctors for an appointment with the nutritionist to see how my meal plan is going. Me being the honest fuck I am told her everything, how I'm still purging daily and that I passed out a week ago. Now the doctor told my mom that hospitalization was the best option for me and I'm leaving on Monday to be admitted, and I also stupidly agreed to go since I couldn't bear seeing my mom cry. Any tips on how to get through my stay? The initial stay is 17 days and I don't know how I'm going to go from eating 300 calories and purging daily to a strict meal plan.

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[Discussion] Does anyone else enjoy looking at pictures of food?
/u/CuppyCakesLovey [5'5 | CW:97 | BMI:16.14 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 15:00:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uuw80/does_anyone_else_enjoy_looking_at_pictures_of_food/
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In a sort of strange way I have been using this in place of actual eating. I just browse & like pictures for hours and it distracts me from stuffing my face. Also love food shows on tv. How do you distract yourself from cravings?

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Teach me a trick?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 18 14:58:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uuvtp/teach_me_a_trick/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] Big boobs problem
/u/EatMyInsides
Created: Sat Feb 18 14:44:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uute0/rant_big_boobs_problem/
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I hate my boobs, they are way too big. Even if I get to my goal weight, I'll always hate my boobs. People say that my boobs are big and that they're jealous / they like them because they're big. I HATE THAT! I'll never be able to have cute clothes because they won't fit. I'll never be able to go braless. I just want them gone. I don't like them, I really wish I had like no boobs at all.

I'm sorry about this rant. I just had to get it out.

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[Rant/Rave] My SO just told me what I was wearing wasn't flattering
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 18 14:41:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uustp/my_so_just_told_me_what_i_was_wearing_wasnt/
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[deleted]

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[Other] Tortilla Soup (it's mostly canned tomatoes) sooo good
/u/selfmedic8d
Created: Sat Feb 18 13:32:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uugcu/tortilla_soup_its_mostly_canned_tomatoes_sooo_good/
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Hey y'all I made some bangin soup I would love to share with you. It's based off Qdoba's tortilla soup. Pretty basic but you can do a lot with it!

First off start with sauteeing onion (i used a small red),

garlic (I used some I had roasted),

and peppers...poblano, chile... (I didn't have any other than canned adobo peps that i put in later).

You don't *have* to use oil, but I have found undoubtedly that a very little goes a long way and makes a big difference in flavor when it comes to sauteed veg for a base.

Once that has softened and started to get some color, add

broth (I used vegetarian chicken broth),

canned tomatoes (fire roasted tomatoes are what makes the dish if you ask me, i used half fire roasted tom and half crushed tom)

seasonings! chili powder, mesquite seasoning, cumin, garlic salt, pepper, all those millions of meat rubs your s/o collects (in my case)

canned adobo peppers (i ended up adding like 5 or 6 and some sauce) to your liking, chopped and seeds scraped out, not that it really matters

some sweetener (dash of sugar/agave/splenda?)

blend it (I used my handy dandy immersion blender, most people would blend it only partially to leave chunks, but I don't like soft tomato pieces, I blend my pizza sauce, even, so all the way)

Add a few corn tortillas as you blend a portion, this is both a thickener and big part of the flavor, I just used masa. adjust liquid and tortillas to your desired consistency

Now you can throw in some beans, chicken, corn, whatever

add a squee of lemon or lime juice

serve it with your choice of

avocado

diced onion

ff sour cream

sprinkle of cheese or vegan cheese

nutritional yeast

cilantro

Serve over rice with extras for "gumbo" style

Serve over polenta made with almond milk because it's bitchin

So sorry for the verbose "recipe" hope someone digs it. It also would make a great chili base. I made it thick with one can of beans in a big batch, serve with some avocado on top.

<3

take care of yourselves lovelies

* How in the world did I forget to mention to top it with some tortilla chips??

I used the masa I had to make my own tortillas, but if you got tortillas for the soup, just cut them into strips or triangles spray with cooking spray ( i jused coconut ) sprinkle with salt ( i used kosher) and seasonings if you want, like nutritional yeast, lemon or lime, chili powder, whatever ( i made plain).

some people make the without oil and use lemon or lime to make the salt/seasoning stick. I did a generous even spray across one side of the chips and baked for a few minutes at 375 f til they just started to brown.

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[Discussion] Thoughts when your ED first started vs now.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 12:35:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uu5se/thoughts_when_your_ed_first_started_vs_now/
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Then: I have to purge within 30 minutes or I'll absorb everything.

Now: I'll purge when the episode is over. Nothing is ~really~ digesting.

Then: 1 calorie for licking gum, 4 for breathing near a buffet

Now: I have a pretty good estimate and it's okay if I'm off a tiny bit.


My ED is still a huge part of my life, but I'm not so ~tumblr ana butterfly~ about it anymore. It's like I know what true and false and know that my thoughts are ridiculous sometimes. I've settled a bit.

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Appearance vs weight and body weight simulators
/u/nairoline
Created: Sat Feb 18 12:14:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uu1yx/discussion_appearance_vs_weight_and_body_weight/
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So I'm 5'6" and I'm about 135 or 134, this is my starting weight. So I plan on reaching 117 INA month or two. I've been looking at weight oose simulators and whenever they show my weight it doesn't look like my body, I'm a lot more slender than it's portrayed. saw the 117lbs result and I looked closer to that than what a 135 person would look like.I thought it was because of my fat distribution , it's mostly one my thighs and butt and that's mostly muscle. My waist is 23 1/2 " so most of the time I wonder why I do this but I still feel compelled too.
And I thought what about you guys here. Is it more based on appearance or do you think your weight is directly tied to your appearance when you reach your goal?

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[Discussion] DAE dream of bruises and welts? (ramble warning)
/u/cinnamoncactus [5'6'' | 115 | 18.4 | -98 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 11:47:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5utwx5/dae_dream_of_bruises_and_welts_ramble_warning/
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Hey excuse my word vomit as usual with the posts I make here, sorry!!
I don't think all symbols we see in dreams accurately interpret what we're dreaming about, as we don't know many concrete things about why we have dreams. If anyone's noticed my posts on here, I have always had strange sleeping habits my entire life, including night terrors, sleep walking, sleep eating, sleep talking; basically sleep behavior disorder. I have very vivid dreams most nights and have recorded them since I was younger, using various dream dictionaries to look at the symbolism behind them and that sort of shit. I've carried it on to school work/projects as well (behavioral psychology major). It's fun if you remember your dreams and has helped with my night terrors, for any of you who deal with them I hope that tip helps since it's a grounding technique. I feel like I learn a bit about myself too, not to sound hippy dippy.

To the point, I repeatedly have dreamed about my legs, sometimes my whole body, being covered in deep bruises with welts all over my body, with the feeling that the welts are from an infection. It's pretty nasty. I was just looking into some theories about the meaning of this and it connected to my ED behaviors a lot.

Basically what sources were saying is that it can mean since bruises come from something harmful, it means you're going through something rough and that it is something gradually hard and ongoing as bruises fade and you will be sure to get another bruise sometime again in your life. In addition to this, I saw that it could be your mind accepting/wanting forms of self inflicted abuse.

The infection part can be related to how we internalize perceived negative attention from others and how it can make it harder to move forward in life from the insecurities the perceived negativity gives me.
Either way I've had this sort of dream basically since I started really having ED behaviors and I guess I overlooked it for years? Does anyone else dream of having bruising,welts, infection, or other deformities?

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[Rant/Rave] Vent: I gained two pounds in a week!
/u/leahandsarah
Created: Sat Feb 18 11:36:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5utv2o/vent_i_gained_two_pounds_in_a_week/
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Today was my weekly weigh-in: I GAINED two pounds even though I exercised MORE this week. I am starting to wonder if exercise is not the right path. It makes me more hungry and it makes me feel as if I can eat more because I worked out. I want to keep exercising but I would be so happy if I could let go of tracking my exercise each day (I wear a pedometer and have a goal that I obsess about). I also don't count vegetables calories and I'm thinking that may be a mistake because I can eat a bathtub of vegetables:)

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[Discussion] DAE barre or yoga?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 18 11:17:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5utrec/dae_barre_or_yoga/
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[deleted]

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[Goal] Going on a three-week strict schedule of calories
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 18 09:40:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ut90v/going_on_a_threeweek_strict_schedule_of_calories/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] 170 hours. [Trigger warning]
/u/95CHOI
Created: Sat Feb 18 09:33:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ut7z3/170_hours_trigger_warning/
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An entire 7 days since I last ate. It feels unreal. I never thought I'd be able to make it more than a day yet here I am. I'm not even hungry. I feel so good, I wish I never had to eat ever again. Thankfully, my body has enough excess fat to live off for at least a few months. I will not eat for the rest of the month unless absolutely forced. I'm not weighing myself, though. I know the weight will come off as long as I don't eat.

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Anyone else at a higher risk of binging when you see successful weight loss on the scale?
/u/hapquestions [6ft | 260 | +30 | 0 | M]
Created: Sat Feb 18 09:08:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ut3do/discussion_anyone_else_at_a_higher_risk_of/
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I find that when weight myself frequently and see that im losing weight, i am more likely to binge within a day or two. I've been like this my entire life.


I almost feel like i need to avoid the scale altogether BUT focus on eating at a caloric level that i know leads to weight loss.


This should work for me if i stick to it. Maybe I'll report back if this 'hack' works for my ED brain.

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[Goal] I can't believe it
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Sat Feb 18 07:43:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uspmu/i_cant_believe_it/
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Guys. I am officially the lowest weight i've been since middle school.
I can't fucking believe it. I've lost 30 pounds and it feels so good. I know I still have a long ways to go but I never actually thought I would get here.
Thank you all so much, I definitely couldn't have done it without all your support and kind words!

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"Yeah! Fries will fill the void in my soul!"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 18 07:24:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5usmr8/yeah_fries_will_fill_the_void_in_my_soul/
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https://youtu.be/qwkOYfrH5cE

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[Help] The dreaded "skinny fat"
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 07:20:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5usm6h/the_dreaded_skinny_fat/
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I look better in clothes than I do naked. I'm not toned at all. How do I combat this? I know I could lift weights, but the idea of gaining weight from muscle gives me so much anxiety. I hate my body. Help. :(

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Binging and losing weight?
/u/foldedpapercranes [5'6'' | 105lbs | bmi 17| F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 07:07:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uskc4/binging_and_losing_weight/
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TMI: What's going on? I had 2000 calories of chocolate each of the last 3 days and I'm losing. Is it possible that I'm just shitting out the chocolate? Every morning post binge I've had a huge poop.

Hopefully can stop today. Don't want to get my hopes up because maybe it's just water weight and I'm still gaining fat...

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When your man brings you breakfast in bed
/u/dontcareifithurts__ [5'4.5 | 114.4 | - 6.8 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 06:50:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ushzy/when_your_man_brings_you_breakfast_in_bed/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] 5 donuts, 3 bowls of cereal, 5 cookies [Long]
/u/-kaneki-ken- [5'7" | mooing loudly | 19.51 | 23F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 05:53:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5usb0o/5_donuts_3_bowls_of_cereal_5_cookies_long/
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It's my body and I'll cry if I want to.

Valentine's Day was my birthday. Of the last 5 days, 4 were over TDEE, 3 of which were full-on binges. What's in the title is what I had tonight, when I got high and my give-a-fuck collapsed after a 1200 cal day and lots of weed. 4,000 cals went in my gross mouth today, 2,500 of which happened in one sitting.

So I've definitely gained. I was on the scale yesterday and it blew my fucking mind.. I went from 125 to 135 in four days, y'all, *and* I binged again today. I have also been going through an interruption in hormone-related medication which has caused bloating, serious mood swings, breakouts.. All while coordinating the final stages of gutting/selling a house and moving 3 states away...

At this rate it will take me one month to gain back all 30 lbs.

Which is, of course, absolutely terrifying. It took me 4 months of intense dedication to lose that weight.

I think the worst part about it is my boyfriend. He not only knows about my binging issue, but has caught me purging recently and was really angry with me about it. I've asked him to help me stop, but I know it puts him in a terrible spot. He wanted to make me happy on my b-day so he got me muffins and baklava. I of course ate a fuck ton and then had a full-on crying panic attack about it, essentially ruining Valentine's for the both of us.

So then, he stopped me from going out to buy binge food two days ago and even though I was immensely grateful to him for it, I acted like a whiny baby about it. I don't know why. It's a weird, manipulative thing my binge mind does. Inside I feel relief but for some twisted reason my brain wants to accuse him of thinking I'm fat for stopping me from going out and buying a dozen donuts. This couldn't be farther from the truth, but my binge brain has no regard for the fucking truth.

In the morning I'm all calorie counts, strict rules, talking about getting back to 125 asap. I smoke ONE indica joint after 8 pm and I'm a goddamn monster, begging him to let me go get binge foods and whining if I can't.

I cannot believe I become that person. I don't understand how I can let those words come out of my mouth, let myself freely engage in this behavior that causes me so much pain and disgust and shame. I feel like two completely different people. I feel especially insane because tomorrow I'm going to have to ask my boyfriend to please not let me binge anymore, meaning I have to ask him to outright deny me something I will want/demand in the moment, and that dissonance fucking kills him. I must seem totally insane. I certainly feel insane.

Does anyone have tips for this aspect of things? Am I wrong for wanting to let him share some of the burden of stopping this behavior? What's the best way to ask, and do you have any advice for him? (How does he tell his rapidly weight-gaining fiance, who he loves very much, that she can't go out and buy a box of cocoa pebbles to eat all in one sitting?)

I have eaten *double* my TDEE *three times* this week. I'm scared and I need help. I need an adult. I feel the need to apologize for every aspect of my existence. I want to feel pretty and controlled again. I want him to be proud. Why can't I just be good for him?

Today I will go on a run.
Today I will fast.
Today I will engage in as much damage control as I possibly can.
Today I will ask for help.

I am feeling better today,
And I promise I'll make sure
I'm even better tomorrow.

Binge free days: 0 and counting

Send me luck and good vibes, guys. I love you. Let's all reach a goal today.

[No flair, on mobile, but this is a rant/cry for help]

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[Rant/Rave] I did it I guess
/u/yummmies [5'4.5" | 105 | 18.0| -60 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 05:35:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5us947/i_did_it_i_guess/
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Updated the flair today. 106.4 puts me at underweight in just about every bmi calculator out there. I haven't been this light since 5th grade.

I thought I'd be more elated I guess. I thought "I did it!" after the scale showed the number, but then it was just a matter changing my gw again to 105. I sacrificed so much for this, so much time at the gym, so much time thinking about eating but not eating, pretty sure my insomnia is due to lack of adequate nutrition, etc. that I just feel super pooped.

I want to try to maintain for a little bit, but ironically I reached this weight trying to "maintain" at 110. I guess I'll keep losing from here, but I can't help but doubt everything. There just isn't any satisfaction anymore and I keep losing for the sake of losing and for the fear of gaining. I just don't know what to feel anymore.

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! February 18, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Feb 18 05:10:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5us6e6/stupid_questions_saturday_february_18_2017/
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This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for February 18, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 18, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Feb 18 05:10:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5us6di/daily_food_diary_february_18_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 18, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] How's your day/night plans looking?
/u/phenylalala9 [159cm |CW: 51.3kg | GW: 45kg | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 03:15:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5urux9/hows_your_daynight_plans_looking/
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Gone so long without binging. I was eating so well. I haven't purged in so long. Got committed to in-patient for being a wimp and getting myself put in for being suicidal. Started prozac like that's supposed to help you lose weight, but it's me. It's fucking me so OF COURSE here I am eating so much food I mise well use a shovel instead of a spoon. And I can't stop and I don't want to. I feel so shit.

So just clocking in at the end of my binge at about 2500 calories and I can't bring myself to purge. Binged yesterday too. I feel like crap. I'm going to get the nurses to give me some benzos and I'm going to cry to death metal and wonder what the fuck is wrong with me. How's your day/night going?

Edit: No benzos. Just promethazine. Woo

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I've been here before..
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Sat Feb 18 02:44:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5urs0m/ive_been_here_before/
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Hey everyone! I've been on here for awhile, but had to make a new account.

Today I ordered a bag I've been wanting and I plan on being down 5 pounds before it gets here 😁 I'm sooooo excited!!!

How is everyone 😍 I haven't posted in awhile...

This sub is my fave

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Can't stop crying
/u/DeusOff [5'7.5" | 118.8lb | 18.3 | -4lb | GW: 90lb | 19NB]
Created: Sat Feb 18 02:10:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uroqt/cant_stop_crying/
---
(I'm really sorry, I can't flair this because I'm on mobile)

I just woke up and I'm crying my eyes out.

My friend dragged me out last night, I was doing really well on the ABC diet (I'd done day 2 successfully, 500 calories) and I was determined to just drink Diet Coke all night. She ended up getting me to drink half a bottle of rosé, a double vodka lemonade, a jäegerbomb, and she made me eat McDonald's, a flapjack, and a slice of pizza.

It just hit me this morning and I haven't stopped crying since.

What the fuck do I do? Just continue with the diet as normal? I'm pretty close to shutting down and staying in bed forever at this point, I'm so so so upset.

I just want to be in control of my life. That's all I want.

---

[Rant/Rave] Im fucking done.
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 18 02:01:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5urnvk/im_fucking_done/
---
I'm done eating.

I'm done finishing food friends left on their plates.

I'm done being the fat friend.

I'm done caring about these fake friends.

It's time I do something for myself and get skinny. Then they'll be the jealous ones. Not fucking me anymore.

---

[Rant/Rave] So which one of us is not seeing things clearly?
/u/tinybundleofsticks [5'6 | 82.8 | 13.4 | M]
Created: Sat Feb 18 00:01:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5urbrn/so_which_one_of_us_is_not_seeing_things_clearly/
---
I was at the grocery store this morning, and as I was using the self-checkout, one of the employees came up to me and commented that I look like I've been putting on weight. Worse, she specifically said I look like I've "filled out". It was all I could do not to drop my bag and walk out in tears, like, well, I guess I won't be needing those groceries anymore.

(I'll note here that I live in a very small town, and frequent the one grocery store a couple times a week, so it's not super weird for a sympathetic employee to notice had I been getting better).

The thing is, I weighed myself after, and it was the same as it was earlier this week, 84.8 pounds. I've been maintaining between 83 and 87 pounds since moving here in July, and I've been averaging ~1600 calories/day (some days as low as 1200, hitting 2100~2300 once or twice a week). There's no reason for me to look like I've gained weight, unless I'm delusional. I did have cheesecake for dessert, like after a proper dinner, for the past two nights in a row, and I've been much less active, sleeping/resting a lot. But the numbers don't lie. But why else would a random outsider make a comment about me looking better, and be so specific as saying I've "filled out" (when I think I look quite "sunken in").

I"m tripping out, man.

---

[Rant/Rave] Can't seem to get back on track (rant and some questions)
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 23:31:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ur8fb/cant_seem_to_get_back_on_track_rant_and_some/
---
Sorry in advance for being ranty... I just wanted to get my feelings out and I can't talk to anyone in my real life about these feelings.

Since Christmas break, I feel like I haven't been able to control my eating. I'll go through a few days of being good and then ruin it with a day that I meet my TDEE or go over it, and I've been so ravenous lately that I can't seem to stop myself from eating. I only keep low-cal foods in the house, but even those add up when you snack. To make things worse, my roommate threw away our scale, so I don't know how much I've gained in the past two months. My WiiFit scale is the only thing that gives me an idea of how much I weigh, and I know those can be wildly inaccurate, so even though it's giving me my normal weight I feel like it must be wrong. On top of that, I'm going to a wedding in July and I just want to be tiny and perfect for it, especially since it will be bathing suit season by then and I definitely don't look good in a bathing suit now. I feel like even though it's months away and I could probably lose 20 pounds by then, I won't be able to do it because I have no self-control.

So here are my questions:
What do you guys do when you feel like you need to get back on track but are having trouble? What are the foods you eat to make sure you don't binge on snacks later/what foods do you find the most filling?

and

What scale do you like the best, since apparently I need to buy a new one?

---

[Other] So long, and thanks for all the Coke Zero
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |143.8|-76lbs|GW: 110|19A]
Created: Fri Feb 17 22:53:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ur3ro/so_long_and_thanks_for_all_the_coke_zero/
---
I finally talked to my dad about the problems I'm having with food. He was so reasonable and understanding with me. I know it's not healthy for me to post here and I'm going to stop. I don't want this to develop further into something sinister and I need to try my best to work against it. I worked SO hard to eat within the limits I set for myself today that I was stressed and uncomfortable when I could have been having a nice time with my family. I've impacted my mental and physical health with thIs. I hope for the best for all of you, I see so much of myself and struggle inside of the majority of posts here, and I honestly never expected that i was someone that would be entrapped by food in this way. Thanks for the support. Be well.

Today's last supper -

http://m.imgur.com/Y7EAi07

I'm going to try❤️

---

[Tip] Wanted to share my favorite low-cal dinner: lemongrass shrimp with cauliflower!
/u/littlestpiglet [5'2" | CW: 102.4 | 18.9 | UGW: 98 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 21:54:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uqw8q/wanted_to_share_my_favorite_lowcal_dinner/
---
This is my absolute favorite meal that I make! It's low-calorie (by my standards, anyway), is a HUGE amount of food/looks like a normal meal, is absolutely delicious, is quick and easy to make, and has lots of protein, fiber, and no sugar.

Ingredients:

4 oz shrimp (I buy raw tail-off) (70 cal)

4 cups frozen cauliflower (100 cal)

1/2 tablespoon butter (50 cal)

2 1/4 teaspoons of [Gourmet Garden Lemongrass Stir-In Paste](http://www.gourmetgarden.com/en/product/106/lemongrass-stir-paste) (45 cal)

Lemon pepper flakes (0 cal)

Total = 265 cal

Directions:

Steam the cauliflower in the bag in the microwave (takes about 5 minutes). While the cauliflower is steaming, melt the butter in a skillet and add shrimp. Stir frequently to coat in butter. When the shrimp are about halfway done, add in the lemongrass and lemon pepper. The shrimp should cook in about the same amount of time as the cauliflower. Chop the cauliflower up with a fork to make it more bite-size and top with the shrimp.

It's seriously so fast and delicious and filling!

---

[Discussion] DAE cook to relax?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 21:52:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uqvye/dae_cook_to_relax/
---
It's like 5 AM and I was feeling anxious, so I found a pancake recipe and made for the entire family. I didn't eat any, but I did feel much more relaxed when I was done. Is this an ED thing or just a weird me-thing? I get it with all kinds of foods, but I find making pancakes the most relaxing...

---

[Rant/Rave] Worst binge of my life
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 17 20:05:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uqgoc/worst_binge_of_my_life/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm so tired of binging
/u/Indigobeet [162cm | 62kg | 24.3 | 0 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 19:27:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uqau3/im_so_tired_of_binging/
---
I've been binging for a week straight now. It all started when I received an invitation for an interview and I got really stressed out about that, and not knowing how to cope with that feeling, went to buy food. I WAS LITERALLY WALKING IN TESCO AND THINKING I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE EATING ANYTHING, BUT I HAVE ALL THESE FEELINGS, WHAT DO. Doesn't help that I'm supposed to get my period soon.

Did that up till my interview and when I was done with it, I binged out of relief. I was so tired both physically and mentally so I kept stuffing my fat face all day.

Had to fly back home and I was thinking about how I have no one to wait for me at home and be supportive of me, just in general, or do something nice for me. Everything I want or need I have to do it myself. So what did I do when I got home? You probably guessed it.

I do have friends to reach out to, but when discussing this topic they always say 'oh but you always have me'. That's the beside the point; it's not about you or your qualities as a friend, it's about me. Sometimes I feel the need for emotional intimacy and they can't fill that void. But I can't say that out loud now, can I?

Sometimes I need some external validation and appreciation.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I stocked up on safe foods, and have nothing at home that I can binge on. Look forward to the emptiness both physical and emotional of restriction.

Sorry for rambling.

Tl;dr: I have feelings, and once I start binge eating to try to cope I can't stop.

---

[Rant/Rave] I saw a new therapist today, why don't they get it?
/u/salviaplath_13 [5'1 | CW: 108 | 20.8 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 18:14:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5upysj/i_saw_a_new_therapist_today_why_dont_they_get_it/
---
I haven't had a regular therapist in 3 years, and my parents want me to go back to one. So, I met with a new lady today and she asked the standard stuff like "what brings you here?" and I told her "anxiety, depression, and disordered eating." This particular office specializes in women who have anxiety and eating disorders, but isn't the main reason why I picked her (well, mainly it was my mom). She decided to latch on to the last thing I said and not ask anything about the anxiety & depression. I told her I had never had a formal diagnosis but it had become a problem in the past 2 years. It was so uncomfortable to tell this to a complete stranger, face to face. She asked about my eating patterns and wanted details about it all (b/p, c/s, restriction). I expected this, but then she said "What would happen if you ate a donut everyday" and I was just like "umm.. I'd gain weight?" She asked how many calories I eat a day and I said 1200. She didn't seem to think that was normal! I tried to explain that's the maximum I can eat because I'm so short. Annoyingly enough, she wasn't much taller than me and despite wearing a thick sweater, she looked very thin. I wanted to ask what she does to stay at her weight if eating 1200 is crazy. At the end of the session she said I MUST see a dietitian and handed me 3 business cards for referrals. Apparently "the only way to overcome this" according to her is to stop counting calories and that the dietitian would work on that with me. She asked me what I thought about this, so I was honest and told her I really didn't want to see one and the idea of not counting calories sounded impossible.


I don't even want to go back for the session next week. I really want to stop b/p and the other shit, but if I don't monitor every calorie I'll fall right back into binge eating. There's no way out of it.

---

[Discussion] DAE eat condiments?!
/u/MissMagus
Created: Fri Feb 17 17:50:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5upuzc/dae_eat_condiments/
---
I eat condiments. A lot. It sounds kinda gross typing it out.

But forreal. I eat mustard. And bbq sauce. And hot sauce. And taco bell packets. And steak sauce. And vinegar, salt, pepper....fucking hamburger seasoning....you name it, I probably "snack" on it.

I've found when I crave certain foods, just having a spoonful of the seasoning or sauce that normally makes the dish, takes away my craving. Which is cool.

But I often find myself eating mustard off a spoon, and thinking I'm pretty pathetic.

Anyone else do this shit?
I'm honestly curious.

---

I'm a terrible influence
/u/anadrogyne [173 cm | 52.4kg | 17.5 | -2.5kg| F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 17:33:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ups36/im_a_terrible_influence/
---
I knew this was coming sooner or later. My little sister is showing signs of ED behavior and I blame all of this on myself. She's started running, and she stated "Ugh I gotta go run now because I had ____ for lunch" She didn't eat dinner afterwards. I am so disappointed of myself, I can't believe that I've let my personal struggles influence her in this way. I also feel the need to eat less than her - I feel so fucked up for saying this, but it's as if she is stealing a part of my identity. Ugh I am a gross person. I am not someone to look up to.

Edit: Mobile, can't flair. [rant]

---

[Discussion] Lowest calorie options at restaurants and/or convenience stores?
/u/blackcoffeegreentea [5'9" | 145 | 21.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 17:21:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uppvx/lowest_calorie_options_at_restaurants_andor/
---
I'm currently adhering strictly to 500 cals/day and doing great with it, but the band I play in is going on tour in about a month and I'm really nervous about eating on the road. We'll be out for 3.5 weeks, eating at restaurants almost every day or even stopping at convenience stores on long travel days.

-

Any awesome low-calorie options you've discovered that I might not know about? The only ones I can think of are un-dressed salad, steamed vegetables (no butter/oil!), miso soup, and tea/coffee... Definitely won't get me through a whole tour! (I'm a vegetarian too...)

-

Bonus points if they're unexpected! Two of my bandmates know about my past food issues, and I'd like to try not to raise suspicion with them if possible.

-

I can also bring my own food from home, if it's something that travels well and doesn't need refrigeration. Definitely bringing a box of tea and a bunch of nori. Would love more ideas! (thanks!!)

---

[Rant/Rave] I guess getting back on track (rant)
/u/borrow_our_light [5'7| 134.4lbs | 21.78 BMI | -27.2lbs | F | GW 115]
Created: Fri Feb 17 16:55:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5upl30/i_guess_getting_back_on_track_rant/
---
After having spent the past two weeks binging on everything in sight I guess I'm trying to get back to restricting. After a very hard break up I just kinda let myself fall apart, ate until I felt sick. Like so sick that I couldn't get out of bed. I'm a vegetarian and I ate so much meat just because I didn't care. I hate that I let emotions control how much or what I eat.

The next few days are gonna be hell because I haven't restricted in weeks, wish me luck

On mobile can't flair

---

Overweight people are more likely to have EDs
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 17 13:27:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uogfj/overweight_people_are_more_likely_to_have_eds/
---
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/eating-mindfully/201702/the-hidden-faces-eating-disorders

---

[Other] Has anyone ever tried that Devil Wears Prada diet?
/u/PAetc [5'4.5"| GW:110lbs | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 12:58:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uoa78/has_anyone_ever_tried_that_devil_wears_prada_diet/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] Lowering Laxative Dosage + different brand of laxatives?
/u/porcelain-joy [5'7.5 | 18NB]
Created: Fri Feb 17 12:46:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uo7po/lowering_laxative_dosage_different_brand_of/
---
(hope this is OK to post here, I don't have anywhere else to ask) I've been trying to lower the amount of laxatives I take for awhile now. I use the cheap 89 cent 25 count laxatives from Walmart usually, and at the moment take 25 of them (down from 55). Unfortunately I couldn't make it to Walmart yesterday and had to buy a 25 count from target, which cost me almost $2 more :/ it's also off-brand rather than name brand.

Since they both use bisacodyle 5mg (though the Walmart brand states "bisacodyl USP 5 mg" while target brand doesn't have the USP) I could use the same dosage, right? I was planning on lowering them to 20 this time, but I'm scared they won't work since I bought it from a different place, which makes me want to take all 25. But if they work differently than the Walmart brand for some weird reason then I'll probably end up throwing them all up from nausea and waste the pills.

Will they work the same or should I just take my usual 25 and not lower it until I can buy my usual kind? I'm already down a lot but I can't stand the thought of the laxatives not working and instead just leaving me gassy and bloated...

thanks in advance for any responses.

---

Starting phen any one have input?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 17 12:39:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uo671/starting_phen_any_one_have_input/
---
[removed]

---

[Intro] Another Introduction
/u/GhostlyParadox [5'1.5 | 107.4 | Female]
Created: Fri Feb 17 11:11:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5unniv/another_introduction/
---
Hey, everyone, how are you all doing today?

I've been a lurker for a while but I've finally worked up enough courage to start posting. I'm 18 and live in Canada. I am in University right now and am planning on majoring in English while also taking some Psych and Phil courses. I'm usually the outcast/loner (yes, I admit it) and I also have a few piercings-- I also have a tattoo and am planning a bunch more.

I've had problems with disordered eating for quite a while now and I harshly dislike how I look. I'm Vegan (not for the health benefits) but I still would've thought I'd lose more weight than I have.

I'm going camping with friends in a couple of months and unless I lose at least 20 pounds I just know that I'm not going to have any fun because I'll feel like garbage in front of everyone.

Anyway, it's lovely to meet you all and I look forward to conversing with you all. xx

---

[Help] Not losing weight no matter what??
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 17 10:41:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5unh1u/not_losing_weight_no_matter_what/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] "Normal people skinny"
/u/throwingfoodaway [151.13cm | CW: 48.2kg | 22.3 BMI | GW: 38kg | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 10:38:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5unggs/normal_people_skinny/
---
What's your height? What do you think normal people would say is skinny for that height, and what do *you* think is a skinny weight for that height?

I was inspired to make this post because my boyfriend (normal person) thinks that I was skinny at 130lbs/59kg - at 5ft/1.52m (he thinks I'm too thin now)!! But my idea of a skinny weight at 5ft is 90-95lbs (40-43kg). Of course, my goal weight is still lower than that, but that's just cause I'm fucked in the head.

---

[Rant/Rave] Good news: I'm my lowest weight since middle school 😎😎
/u/secretedacct
Created: Fri Feb 17 10:13:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5unb2k/good_news_im_my_lowest_weight_since_middle_school/
---
Bad news: I'm still high 130s and about 20 lbs from my first goal weight 😢

---

[Rant/Rave] DANG GOOD SOUP (BORSCHT)
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 151lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -14lbs | f]
Created: Fri Feb 17 09:44:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5un50h/dang_good_soup_borscht/
---
borscht recipe


1 beet

1 carrot

1/3 cup of chopped red onion

1/3 cup of chopped red cabbage

roughly 4-8 cups of water (i like lots of broth)

1 tbsp of coconut (or whatever) oil

dill, garlic salt, lemon juice (these ones are all to taste)




boil the beets, carrots, and red onion for like, 30 min then throw the cabbage in and boil for another 15 after that. try broth throughout, and test beets. see if the beet is soft as you'd like it to be.



makes like 4-6 servings depending



my bowl of like 2 ladles was approx 70 calories and its so warm and yummy ~~(best enjoyed without crying over textbooks but hey what can u do after failing a midterm)~~

---

[Discussion] Can you link every single problem you have back to your weight?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 17 09:00:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5umvkr/can_you_link_every_single_problem_you_have_back/
---
[deleted]

---

[Intro] The happiness of my day is determined by whether I've lost weight or not.
/u/exmorbidly [5'7 | 176lbs | -104lbs | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 08:41:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5umrrf/the_happiness_of_my_day_is_determined_by_whether/
---
I guess this is kind of an intro. I don't really know that I have an eating disorder. I just kind of want to word vomit on you guys.


My entire life, I've been obese. And even morbidly obese. I was 5'7" and 280lbs by the time I was in the 7th grade. I honestly believe that it's a form of child abuse/neglect to let your kid get to that point. I obviously had some serious issues that I was avoiding with food. I still get really angry at my mom about it all. She actually has anorexia and I think it's what made her afraid to teach me about food intake. I could go on and on about that insane dynamic.


So anyway, three years ago I finally got to a place in life where I wanted to try to lose the weight. All I've ever wanted in life was to be thin and beautiful. I went about it the healthy way, ate 1200-1600 calories a day and ended up losing 100lbs. Everyone has been so proud of me, and I felt a million times better.


But then the weight stopped coming off so easy. One bad day a week never used to affect me, and now it was making me stall hardcore. I've been stuck at the same weight for a year now. 180lbs. I would have given ANYTHING to be this, back when I was morbidly obese. This was actually my first goal weight. But now I'm just angry. I'm angry that I'm not done losing weight yet. That I'm still not pretty. That I'm still fat. I wake up every morning and weigh myself. If I'm down any weight, my day is transformed into total joy. If I've gained, the world gets gray.


I've started lowering my calorie intake more and more every week. I miss the high of losing 2 pounds a week. I've started eating less than 800 calories a day. I'm starting to feel like that's still too much. I'm in a constant state of panic that I won't be a normal weight at my wedding.


I base my entire worth off losing this weight and finally being a thin person. I'm tired of losing weight. I want to be done.

---

[Help] Weight stays the same after very low cal days
/u/eurydiicce
Created: Fri Feb 17 08:09:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5umlf5/weight_stays_the_same_after_very_low_cal_days/
---
On mobile so no flair, sorry.

So I've been doing pretty well for the past 2 months. Most days are under 1000, and within that most are under 500, save for the occasional "binge" which usually ends up at 1500-2000, which is honestly not even a binge lmao but it really feels that way to me. Anyway, I've noticed that I'll tend to lose weight faster when eating 500 - 800 cals rather than fasting - 400. For example, I weighed myself Wednesday and I was at 100.6, and on Thursday I was at 99.8 (same time, every morning, after I've peed with no clothes on to be consistent FYI). I had three hours of dance yesterday and only ate 240 cals, which I probably burnt off anyway. I woke up this morning and was still at 99.8. I'm just confused because when I have days where I eat around 800 calories and I'll go down in weight, but when I heavily restrict my weight seems to stay the same. Why is this? Is this normal? Am I actually losing weight? Like what's going on lmao

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[Help] Why can't I stop eating/thinking about food?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 17 07:39:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5umfu4/why_cant_i_stop_eatingthinking_about_food/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] I feel like I'm losing my mind
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 17 06:46:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5um6im/i_feel_like_im_losing_my_mind/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] Trying out the string around the waist method this weekend
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |143.8|-76lbs|GW: 110|19A]
Created: Fri Feb 17 06:45:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5um69z/trying_out_the_string_around_the_waist_method/
---
I have very poor self control when it comes to eating out. If there's a plate of food in front of me i can't help but pick at it. I've tried this method at home before with Chinese takeout and it worked, so I'm wrapping a piece of butchers twine around my waist to hopefully stop me from continuing to stuff my face once I hit a certain point. Pray for me, lol. /on mobile, can't flair

---

[Rant/Rave] Literally filled with regret
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 155.9 | -41lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Fri Feb 17 06:13:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5um1b1/literally_filled_with_regret/
---
So I ended up accidentally fasting on Wednesday (hooray 5hr naps) and then ate my valentines leftovers yesterday and my poop this morning was so tiny I know it wasn't all of it and now I'm up like 1.2lbs. Obviously I know it's gonna happen after you eat anything following a fast but ugh.

The best part is now all I wanna do is drink senna tea to get it out so I can weigh but I made plans to hang out with my friend today. I wish I could cancel but that would be a shitty (ha ha puns) reason to cancel on someone and I am filled with food and social regret. Fasting today hopefully 😭 and probably drinking that tea anyway because I hate myself

Edit: prayed to the poop gods and they answered so now only up 0.5lbs!

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[Rant/Rave] Suuuuch a positive night!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 17 05:35:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ulvtn/suuuuch_a_positive_night/
---
[deleted]

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! February 17, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Feb 17 05:16:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ult5m/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for February 17, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host-- Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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Daily Food Diary! February 17, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Feb 17 05:15:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ult4j/daily_food_diary_february_17_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 17, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Other] I bought a new scale..
/u/morose_adipose [5'2 | 90ish | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 04:50:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ulpmw/i_bought_a_new_scale/
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Finally broke down and bought a digital scale. I'm excited and terrified at the same time. I know my old scale isn't accurate (it's a dial scale and it's temperamental) but I *know* it, if that makes any sense.

http://bodyfatgenius.com/balance-scale-review/
This is the new scale. It's supposed to be accurate within .2 lbs, and it also measures your BMI, muscle mass, bone density (uh oh) and hydration.

So, I'm excited to have a new gadget, but terrified to find out if I weigh more on an accurate scale. Fingers crossed, it will be here today and I'm either going to be really happy or want to throw myself off a bridge lol.

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[Help] First day properly fasting, tips?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 17 03:54:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ulj2u/first_day_properly_fasting_tips/
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[removed]

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[Help] I been binging straight for a long time but one of the only ways to make me stop and starve is self hatred but I dont hate myself at the moment?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 17 01:19:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ul1xy/i_been_binging_straight_for_a_long_time_but_one/
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[removed]

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I got high (stoned)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 17 01:04:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ul09q/i_got_high_stoned/
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[removed]

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[Intro] new-ish and i wanna get to know people!
/u/videocorrupted [5'5" | 115.4 lb | 19.43 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 17 00:51:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ukyua/newish_and_i_wanna_get_to_know_people/
---
hello there! i made this account a year ago but i've honestly ignored it for most of the last year. anyway, i'm hoping to meet people who i can relate to, so tell me your story! or any other random fact. i just wanna meet people here!

just some facts about me: i'm a 22-year old woman living in an urban area, i'm majoring in chemistry and i'm graduating in may, i love body modification (especially piercings -- i'm saving up for tattoos!), and i play a whole lot of splatoon for some reason!

(p.s., does anyone know how to add flair on mobile?)

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[Discussion] Has anyone else's honesty backfired?
/u/verakitty [5'4"|CW 108lbs |18.5 |-12lbs |GW 105 |UGW 99 |F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 23:03:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uklrz/has_anyone_elses_honesty_backfired/
---
My heart cheers on you lucky people with understanding best friends, S.O.s, and parents!

But those who've candidly shared their ED-related struggles with loved ones and had a less than favorable reception-- how did you deal with their reaction(s)? Did anything worse come of your honesty?

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[Help] trying to get back on board
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 23:03:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ukloe/trying_to_get_back_on_board/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Getting back on track
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW110 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 22:20:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ukfxj/getting_back_on_track/
---
I spent the past few days eating at maintenance to deal with the fatigue and lack of sleep. Also I am noticing that more of my hair is coming out than usual and that worries me.

But despite my health concerns the mental pain that eating at a higher amount is causing me is just too much. I need to get back to restricting but I don't know how to do this while still keeping my hair and still being able to sleep. Restricting helps me feel in control of my life and without it I turn to even unhealthier habits. Looking for advice/suggestions on what I should do/how to get on track because eating just stresses me out.

Sorry if this is super jumbled I am very much under the influence now, thank you for suffering through reading this :).

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triggered by arguments
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 16 20:52:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uk2jh/triggered_by_arguments/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] [help] Is there any sort of good alternative to eating?
/u/-ComradeKitten-
Created: Thu Feb 16 20:25:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujxyg/help_is_there_any_sort_of_good_alternative_to/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] The worst thing I do because of my ED
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 108.6 | 19.9 | -7 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Thu Feb 16 20:16:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujwj9/the_worst_thing_i_do_because_of_my_ed/
---
I wish this place had a confession tag, but oh well.

My anti-depressent is usually my lifesaver, but I found out when I take it on an empty stomach it causes severe, debilitating nausea, panic attacks, and dizziness. When I want to fast, purge, or otherwise self-harm I'll take it on an empty stomach deliberately to make it impossible for me to eat and make myself sick (because I just can't bring myself to stick anything down my throat). The panic attacks speed up my heart rate so I know I must be burning more calories than usual.

If anyone is thinking about trying this, do not. You'll regret it. The nausea, dizziness, and panic attacks are utter hell and last for 12, 16, 18 hours, and I ALWAYS regret my decision to self-harm like this. But I've gotten to where I do it twice a week or more because it helps me lose weight. =( I need to stop.

---

[Thinspo] Thinspo Collection! (One might be NSFW)
/u/NoisyDogs [5' 5" | 120 | 20.4 | -18lbs | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 20:08:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujv2t/thinspo_collection_one_might_be_nsfw/
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http://imgur.com/a/Kqe86

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[Discussion] DAE feel insignificant?
/u/strugglebus4life
Created: Thu Feb 16 19:40:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujqf1/dae_feel_insignificant/
---
Honestly 100% of my days are spent making other people happy. Making other people feel comfortable. Making sure other people are getting what THEY want. I will give up anything for another person to feel positive.

However I feel like I deserve nothing. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve to pick where me and my boyfriend are eating. My opinion is weird. It doesn't matter. It always makes me feel stupid when i voice it

It has made me silent

I feel like I can hardly utter a word in public without hating myself after or worrying about if anyone thought it was weird. I don't feel worthy of talking to others and making friends in class. I feel stupid and like I don't fit it. I feel like people are staring at me all the time and I always think it's because I'm weirdly shaped, fat, or ugly. I have gained a lot of weight (113-140, 5'6) since treatment had been forced upon me two years ago and I hate it. Granted, my rational mind knows I am all muscle but my ED filled mind worries that I'm not realizing all the fat I have.

I have b/p and proactively restricted for the past week and my boyfriend doesn't notice. I think he still thinks I'm doing alright right now. I hate that I'm hiding things from him. I feel like a bad person.

We just had a fight and I just legitimately can't think of a reason for living. I'm pathetic and fat and will never be good enough.

I'm sorry for this I just don't know where to turn to

---

Chemical diet?
/u/PlaTOESatlantis
Created: Thu Feb 16 19:30:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujol3/chemical_diet/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Weight loss and face shape (rant in comments, face for reference)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 16 19:25:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujnvd/weight_loss_and_face_shape_rant_in_comments_face/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/a255e8b297b44c2cbc0d8fa935934ad6?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=aaf66911cc4b4ec7efa9ab12a431a4d2

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[Help] Question about night sweats despite restriction
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 16 18:57:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujiyz/question_about_night_sweats_despite_restriction/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Silly ED thing
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 168.2 | -24 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Thu Feb 16 18:11:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujarf/silly_ed_thing/
---
So my boyfriend and I did not have a good V-Day. We're both super busy, me with teaching clinicals & him with his science degree. We had agreed to have some sushi (gimbap for me, less calories cuz it's all veg) for dinner, he would leave his late class early, watch a movie, have sex, etc.

Well, he doesn't get to leave his class early because of a really important lab. Fine, I'm super disappointed, but whatever. I get over it in a day and that's good for my cals because I just skipped dinner.

Well, I came home today after work, and there's two giant grocery bags of Powerade Zero and a case of Monster Energy zero sitting on the bed, with a hand-written note by him. He basically says he's proud of how far I've come, how I'm almost done with my clinicals and I'll be a great teacher soon, how he'll be a teacher with me soon & he's working really hard in school (we had issues with this since we got together) and trying to be the best he can for me. He said, "you've been working so hard, this will get you through the rest of the week (just kidding hehe), i love you more than anything in the world."

I'm just...so full of love & happiness. It's really propelling me to be stronger and more resilient with food too, so win-win. And I thought it was hilarious that only someone with ED would be moved to tears by a bunch of zero calorie drinks as a gift LOL.

---

[Discussion] Safe foods- What are yours?
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 108.6 | 19.9 | -7 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Thu Feb 16 18:09:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ujab3/safe_foods_what_are_yours/
---
My list currently includes miso soup, chicken broth, and bananas. Do you have some ideas for what I could add to that list? Ideally, the less calories the better and bonus points if it's warm and soothing.

---

[Other] Bye!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 16 17:56:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uj7wl/bye/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Dear 'friend' who triggered me,
/u/archerofdawn [154cm | SW 164 | CW 145 | GW 88 | -19 | NB]
Created: Thu Feb 16 17:53:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uj7do/dear_friend_who_triggered_me/
---
(tw suicide/purging mention)

thanks for reminding me that I shouldn't be eating and for giving me the motivation to throw my dinner away. I only wish I'd seen your tweet sooner so that I wouldn't have eaten any of it instead of losing appetite 3/4 the way through, but I'll take what I can get.

less thanks for making me consider purging and reminding me that there is a bridge that would kill me about 5 min's walk away. You treat me like garbage disposal and now this. I can't even fucking bring this up with you because you're so fragile. Fuck you. Fuck you I wish I'd never met you. I really do. I really regret meeting you. I just wish I could say that to your face and to the other one's face.

---

[Discussion] DAE think like this?
/u/PlaTOESatlantis
Created: Thu Feb 16 17:47:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uj670/dae_think_like_this/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] so frustrated
/u/caffeineand_nicotine
Created: Thu Feb 16 16:48:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uiul6/so_frustrated/
---
Last week I dropped four pounds, but then I got some bad news and went on a binge. It wasn't huge, but enough to completely destroy what I worked so hard for. This week I've been doing a lot better.

Since last Wednesday (the binge) I've been really good at restricting and it's been pretty easy. I've even been going for long, brisk walks everyday, averaging around 4.5k a day.

My net calorie intake has been under 200 for the last week, but my weight hasn't changed in the slightest? My binge brought me back up to my starting weight and since then I've been hovering around the same number, give or take a pound.

I feel so hopeless. I've been working so hard and haven't seen any results at all. I'm gonna be stuck living as a whale forever. I'm terrified to eat anything. Considering I've been staying active and eating next to nothing already and my weight hasn't changed, I'm scared that if I eat anything now I'll balloon for sure.

I just want to be small and dainty and fragile.

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[Rant/Rave] [intro/rant?] I've been diagnosed
/u/throwingawaymylife- [5'3.5" | i have no scale but somewhere around 22 bmi | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 16:42:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uit99/introrant_ive_been_diagnosed/
---
(trigger warning for self harm btw)

I'm 13 years old, and I've been diagnosed with binge eating disorder. my parents found my blades after going through my room, and they send me to partial inpatient for a week. I started with a restrictive ED, but spiraled down into binging until I've gained like 20 pounds since November. and I'm just upset. so, so upset. I just needed to get this off my chest, even if no one reads it.

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[Rant/Rave] Oh wait (weight)!
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Thu Feb 16 16:01:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uik31/oh_wait_weight/
---
Mobile - rant, I guess?

I can't fucking believe that I have been able to live with myself at this weight. I'm so embarrassed to go in public/go to work...
I realize it will take time for the weight to come off, but I can't WAIT for it... I'm restricting, EC, exercising... and I have still only lost 17 pounds in 3 weeks. I just can't believe I am in this situation... fuck zyprexa and thorazine (psych meds that contributed to my gaining 50 pounds).

Everyone in my life keeps telling me I'm going to gain it all back, that it's all water weight. Like I fucking hate everyone including myself.

Ugh this has no point and I'm sorry for taking up space I just don't know who else to turn to.
UGH I HATE THIS SO MUCH.

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[Rant/Rave] "You look healthy"
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 114 | HW 180 | LW 107 | 29 F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 15:51:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uihzt/you_look_healthy/
---
I went in to talk to a professor today who knows that I have anorexia and was in the hospital. He was very kind and asked me a lot of questions about how I've been feeling, which made me feel good.

But then, and I know this has probably been brought up on this subreddit before, he just had to say "you look healthy."

I replied, "that just means I got fat." Which he kindly denied.

I knew if I ever got that so-called compliment that it would hurt, but I have literally been struggling to deal with it for several hours. I feel like crying. He must think I'm such a fake and that I'm not sick at all and should just STFU. I was at my lowest adult weight a month ago and threatened with hospitalization again; the only reason I've been gaining weight is because I can't stand to be non-consensually force-fed again. I'd rather die.

Ugh. I don't think I've hated myself this much since the hospital.

Edit: To clarify (and I didn't make this clear at all), I don't think he was being insensitive. He was very nice to me. This is the fault of my warped brain, but even knowing that doesn't make it less upsetting.

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Monthly weight loss?
/u/bitterorbetter [5'5| 140 | 23.3 | -20| F19]
Created: Thu Feb 16 15:48:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uihcq/monthly_weight_loss/
---
[removed]

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[Other] childish "safe" foods
/u/moggettt [5'5 | 108 | 18.0 | NB]
Created: Thu Feb 16 14:17:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uhxca/childish_safe_foods/
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not really safe foods as we usually define it here but sort of in the same vein?

when i get extremely overwhelmed by food, really anxious and frightened, i sort of regress and can only stand to eat stuff a kid would eat, like sugary cereal, mac n cheese, pb&j, pop tarts, shit like that.

they certainly arent safe foods -- theyre foods i usually want nothing to do with in terms of my goals -- but sometimes theyre all i can handle.

does anyone else experience this? some days i spend all my calories on like, strawberry pop tarts, because the prospect of figuring out actual safe low cal foods is just too overwhelming.

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[Other] [Help] Thinking of making a shirtless photo of myself my phone's lockscreen image. Has any other similar trick helped you with avoiding binges?
/u/shmadman
Created: Thu Feb 16 12:53:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uhe3i/help_thinking_of_making_a_shirtless_photo_of/
---
26M and sick of this crap.

I'm 6ft and only been as thin as 170lbs and as huge as 285lbs. I'm somewhere in between right now, but ugh, i don't wanna talk about it. It's gross.


My life has basically been about fluctuating up and down in weight by large amounts. I'm usually "happier" when I'm thinner but i could almost swear it's because people treat me way nicer when I am slimmer:

*when I'm slim, people treat me amazingly, almost like they look up to me. Often, i still feel like a fat POS and dont see my potential. Other times, when I'm grotesquely obese, people treat me like shit (assume I'll take being the butt of a joke, assume they can bully me [even as adults], touch me innapropriately [tussle my hair, squeeze my manboobs]). And the funny part is, when i get this negative treatment when i am fat, my 'athletic/thin ego' kicks in and i think "who the fuck do they think they are dealing with? They think I(!!!!) am below THEM (!!) in social heirarchy?"... And then i remember that i do look the part since i technically am a lowly chubster "for now".*


Anyway, sorry for accidental the rant.


**purpose i made this post:**

**do you guys have any psychological tricks to remind yourself binging will only make yourself hate yourself more in a few hours?**

So far, the only ideas i have are:

1. Make your phone lock screen a photo of your body. (kinda gross and weird if someone sees it)

2. Take a photo of your body every singe day until you are happy with your body (kind of depressing but maybe necessary. Also weird if anyone ever sees 200 topless photos of yourself on your cloud)


3. Weight yourself every day (not quite as effective as seeing your actual body.


Any other ideas that have worked for you are appreciated.

I let go of social media 2 years ago because i got close to my goal weight then binged my laat 9 months progress away in 2 months, so i felt fat and disgusting and wanted to wait until i lost it again to rejoin social media. But that social isolation and lack of pressure made me even more relaxed about eating and my weight gain and binging just went rogue and i havent recovered since.


Anyway, any helpful tips are appreciated


**tldr: out of the box techniques to shame yourself into not binge eating?**

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[Help] Non-animal safe foods high in iron...?
/u/cannibale101 [5'4" | Not happy with this anymore]
Created: Thu Feb 16 12:51:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uhdm1/nonanimal_safe_foods_high_in_iron/
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I got inked last week (yay!) and the tattoo artist mentionned that my blood was particularly clear and thin. I agreed with her as a deficiency in iron would be a very logical thing for me at the moment and it explains at least in part why i've been feeling so weak all the time in the last weeks. (I'm also aware that iron deficiency isn't the only possible reason why blood would get clear but idk, i'm not a smart person.)

I tried to make multivitamins a regular thing but you have to eat while taking those because 1- it gives you horrible nausea if you don't and 2- i read that it won't even work properly in your system if you're empty. It's not working so good with me, turned me into a permanently blurry-minded binge monster who hates herself and barely has the guts to interact and get to class once a week.

I don't eat animal products and would appreciate if i could stick to safe foods like non-starchy veggies and fruits, and get my iron up a bit... Is it reasonable? Do you have ideas?

Thank you :)

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Made me think of us. I sometimes enjoy being reminded that our problems are human.
/u/cannibale101 [5'4" | Not happy with this anymore]
Created: Thu Feb 16 12:14:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uh599/made_me_think_of_us_i_sometimes_enjoy_being/
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https://i.redd.it/s0cmnul2r9gy.jpg

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[Tip] green tea on an empty stomach = pain/nausea
/u/blackcoffeegreentea [5'9" | 145 | 21.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 11:42:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ugxp9/green_tea_on_an_empty_stomach_painnausea/
---
I am learning this the hard way right now (how did I never know?) so thought I'd pass it along, in case it can save anyone else an uncomfortable stomachache!

I'm fasting today, but stuck to my regular calorie-free fluids, including 2 cups of strong green tea with cinnamon. Well, green tea increases your stomach acids, so drinking it on an empty stomach can cause pain and nausea. I've been nauseous now for almost 3 hours(!), unable to be productive in my day, and have been debating whether to try to keep riding it out, or to eat something to soothe my stomachache (but ruin my fast).

I just had a few sips of (calorie free) seltzer water, which is maybe starting to help, or maybe the stomachache is starting to fade. It's still pretty nasty though.

Either way, ughhh. Next time I fast, I'll stick to peppermint tea and save my green tea for days when I am eating!

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[Discussion] Question for anyone whose hair has fallen out because of restricting...
/u/littlestpiglet [5'2" | CW: 102.4 | 18.9 | UGW: 98 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 11:25:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ugtrd/question_for_anyone_whose_hair_has_fallen_out/
---
Could you tell it was happening? Or was it like all of a sudden you woke up one day and realized "I have way less hair than I used to"?

I'm super afraid of my hair falling out. I don't restrict that heavily and the food I eat is pretty nutritious, but I have long, fine, wavy hair that is really prone to tangling/breaking on its own. I can't afford to lose any more than I naturally do. They say everyone loses about 100 strands of hair a day, but obviously there's no way I can keep count of what's coming off of me.

So, yeah.. Was it obvious when it started happening, and how heavily/long had you been restricting?

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[Other] Interesting choice of ad for this sub
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 16 11:17:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ugrw4/interesting_choice_of_ad_for_this_sub/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/8e795e185a124e02a7ca3a9fc2738a76?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=46c851c80566255a295cc74b8772739a

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[Rant/Rave] I have bronchitis
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 147.2 | 22.1 | -3 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 10:26:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ugfcn/i_have_bronchitis/
---
Can't flair on mobile, probably a rave.
So I've been sick for the past month and I thought it was the cold/flu so I've been working full time and going to school as well. Well I went super downhill Valentine's Day and it turns out it's turned into bronchitis and possibly pneumonia. As sick as it sounds I'm really happy because now I have a legit excuse to not eat or be hungry because of being sick. Also a random perk, I can't taste or smell ANYTHING so binging is pointless because I can't even enjoy it now, food is all just texture now and so boring.

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[Intro] he broke up with me.
/u/ggilded [5'5"|disgusting]
Created: Thu Feb 16 10:14:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ugceb/he_broke_up_with_me/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Short girls: What are your routines?
/u/rizzie_ [5'2F CW:136.8 GW:110]
Created: Thu Feb 16 09:54:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ug7g6/short_girls_what_are_your_routines/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Distrusting calories in popcorn
/u/RainyDayDaydream [5'6 | ?? | ?? | ?? | Lady]
Created: Thu Feb 16 09:54:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ug7co/distrusting_calories_in_popcorn/
---
So, I've been eating this popcorn. Its 111 calories for 80 grams, which is the whole bag. Its supposedly air-popped and stuff. To me it just seems so low and not right? Somebody help me out here, is this accurate?

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[Help] Anti-depressants... Weight gain/loss?
/u/RtB107
Created: Thu Feb 16 09:19:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ufz3x/antidepressants_weight_gainloss/
---
Sorry, usually very chatty but keeping it short because my mood's a little funny. Do any of you take antidepressants? I have some that have been described for me today -- citalopram, to be precise -- and I'm worried about potential weight gain. ☹ It seems to be that, at least where the leaflet is concerned, weight loss is more common than gain, but I'm still concerned. I've been putting off taking it until I know for cert, because weight gain's the last thing I need!

Anyone got experience or anecdotes?

Thank you!

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[Thinspo] [Male Thinspo] "SAINT LAURENT by Hedi Slimane" Showroom SS14 [24 Images]
/u/95CHOI
Created: Thu Feb 16 08:46:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ufr1p/male_thinspo_saint_laurent_by_hedi_slimane/
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http://imgur.com/a/yfMmq

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[Other] Something I wrote a couple months ago. (TW?)
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 08:31:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ufnd5/something_i_wrote_a_couple_months_ago_tw/
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https://i.redd.it/idhomtl7n8gy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Disappointed in myself.
/u/mikey-way [5'2 | 114.4 | 21.68 | -16 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 07:56:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uff03/disappointed_in_myself/
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Had to break a 40 hour fast due to nausea and shaking. I'm currently curled up on the couch after a bowl of cereal and I'm mad, bc I'm home alone all day today & it was the perfect opportunity to fast.

The strangest part though is that I've done fasts up to 44 hours and felt fine, so I have no idea why I feel so shitty today. I'm attributing it to skiing last night, but I'm really not sure.

On mobile. Tag as rant.

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[Rant/Rave] Just another rant
/u/PlaTOESatlantis
Created: Thu Feb 16 07:36:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ufab3/just_another_rant/
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On mobile sorry can't flag.

So yesterday my total calories after restricting and exercise was 141, i really wanted a toastie and had been restricting all day so i could have one after a bath and mentioned this to my OH to which he says "but you just had a chicken burger"
yes.. 5 hours ago and i walked 4km after to burn it off. He was probably right but that doesn't stop the stingy feeling i got like he was pointing out my greed. When will i not feel like shit?!

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[Help] MY SCALE IS BROKEN AND IM FREAKING OUT
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 16 07:22:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uf7d9/my_scale_is_broken_and_im_freaking_out/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] The bright side of being sick
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 06:35:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uexu6/the_bright_side_of_being_sick/
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I have the worst allergies ever that come around every once in a while. Similar symptoms to a cold but basically my entire head feels congested and gross. But heyyy I hardly ever want to eat when I'm like this!! That makes it a lot easier to restrict. Usually I'm thinking about food 24/7 but now I don't even want to think about it.

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[Help] Chicken noodle soup
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 16 06:18:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ueu9z/chicken_noodle_soup/
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So I just chugged some dayquil cause I feel awful and found out that was about 400 calories out the window...fuck. So I really don't understand the soup label on campbells chicken soup. Fit bit says it's 300 calories but 60 x 2.5 servings is 180? I'm so confused. Someone help me so I don't have to die while I'm sick lol

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Weekly Emotional Support February 16, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Feb 16 05:07:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uegdi/weekly_emotional_support_february_16_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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Daily Food Diary! February 16, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Feb 16 05:07:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uegck/daily_food_diary_february_16_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 16, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Opened up to a friend about my eating habits. They replied, "But you're a good weight!"
/u/crumpet9 [5'3 | cw: 105.2 | gw: nothing | 20f]
Created: Thu Feb 16 05:05:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ueg4s/opened_up_to_a_friend_about_my_eating_habits_they/
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So, I'm trying to get my ex back. I pushed him away in a LARGE part due to my eating problems. I don't think I'm emotionally ready for "recovery", but I'm trying to actually admit something's wrong. And that includes opening up to friends. Last night I finally went to one guy friend and opened up. I told him I basically either don't eat at all or I throw up what I do. But then I joked, "I mean I don't have an eating disorder I'm just fucked up". And he replied, "Yeah, you def don't. You're at a good weight". And just wow, ouch. I don't actually know if I do have an ED, I've never been diagnosed. But it just sucks. I feel like what I go through is invalidated because I'm not thin enough. A part of me wants to get so thin anybody can take one look at me and think I'm ill. But another part of me wants to lose the last 15 pounds the "healthy way" (whatever that means). I'm not sure where I'm at right now. He's a really good friend and has actually been through periods of disordered eating so I know what he said wasn't meant to be malicious but fuck.

Also it REALLY sucks being a short girl. It doesn't matter that I already lost 20 pounds and was considered healthy then, I would need to lose ANOTHER 20 to even be considered underweight.

Just. Ugh.

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Starting the ABC Diet today!
/u/DeusOff [5'7.5" | 118.8lb | 18.3 | -4lb | GW: 90lb | 19NB]
Created: Thu Feb 16 00:43:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5udhej/starting_the_abc_diet_today/
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[removed]

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[Help] [advice] Staying alert while fasting
/u/Delicious_Citrus [5'4 | 140 | GW: 120 |F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 23:45:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ud9wz/advice_staying_alert_while_fasting/
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Any advice on how to successfully fast when you're in a situation in which you have to stay super alert for a super long period of time? Or maybe snacks and mental tricks? I'm rushing a sorority and on top of my school schedule I literally have no time to get any kind of food (or workout!) Tomorrow for example, I have back to back events and classes (and a midterm!) from 10am until midnight. I've never dealt with something like this before, and the no time to exercise is really a huge blow as well. How can I deal?

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[Other] Depression, Eating Disorders and Big Smiles
/u/allie_snally
Created: Wed Feb 15 23:13:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ud5h3/depression_eating_disorders_and_big_smiles/
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Hey guys this is a short description of my experience I'm considering submitting for my school's mental health blog. I've been really struggling the past two days and hoped to achieve something by writing this:


I believe there is a time in our past where suddenly see the world a little differently. For some, it may be a shade brighter and for others, it may be a shade darker. Rose-tinted glass cannot be bought at the supermarket and even if they were, they would be mistakenly shattered and broken down into little pills which would later be called anti-depressants. When I was a little girl, I was loved unconditionally and the brightest shade of pink filled my tiny little world. My friend’s mothers didn’t want me coming over for playdates because I was infamous for cutting my friends’ bangs as diagonally as possible. Finding so much enjoyment from dressing up in princess costumes, digging worms in my backyard, and singing songs from Annie, I, like every other little smiling child, wouldn’t understand that playing dress-up would be something you would be expected to do your whole life.

Ate age eight, I changed the spelling of my name and the world around me turned a little darker. No longer Ali but Allie, I thought if I could change the spelling of my own name, I would certainly be able to change the way people saw me. Change, itself, became a habit, as I did not not live in the same place for more than four years nor did I enjoy drinking the same glass of orange juice everyday. Yet, I was taught that if I stopped smiling and pretending everything was ok I would cause cause too much change.
The next ten years of my life were lived acting in ways which had the least impact on others. Often confused for laid-back, easygoing or free-spirited, I question whether that is me or simply a body trying not to interrupt or disturb the flow of things around me. Living this way is a dangerous thing mainly because you label your emotions as barricades and interruptions thus leave them buried inside of you and wait for their decay. I fought with no one, I wasn’t a burden to anyone, I was well-liked, and only danced when others were dancing.

At the time, I thought everything was fine but in reality, I was blanketed by isolation, stagnation and unhappiness. Since, I was able to continued to smile, I managed to get by without revealing the feelings in which held on to over the years until it revealed itself through the development of a full blown eating disorder. My body was physically present yet my mind was emotionally deteriorating and throwing away any puzzle pieces I would need to survive.
But him, her, they and we told me to keep smiling so I did.
Senior year of high school was spent burning calories at the gym, counting calories at the dinner table and hovering over the toilet with my index shoved down my throat and my spent hands pulling my long hair back from my puffy face. Somehow, I managed to maintain a couple of friendships but playing dressing up everyday made that seem too exhausting.
Freshman year of college was spent restricting calories, kissing boys, drinking alcohol and throwing up anything which interrupted my road to perfection.
I lied again, again and again.

Ugly and fat. Funny and laid back. Inward. Outward.

Thankfully, during the holidays, my brother heard the faucet run for a few minutes too long. Thankfully, I strategically put the laxatives on my bathroom counter so my mom could easily find them and wonder if her daughter was dealing with something more than just a “phase”. I mean she was still smiling right?

Spending a month in treatment turned dying into surviving. Spending a month in treatment taught me that it is acceptable to share the world in which you’ve painfully created for yourself.

Right now, I’m surviving. Yet, I continue to smile. I will always smile.

---

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else frustrated by nutritional info/food labels?? Other Aussies hear me outtt
/u/Jaaasss [5'3 | 105 | 19.1 | GW 98 | F19]
Created: Wed Feb 15 23:06:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ud4gz/anyone_else_frustrated_by_nutritional_infofood/
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I'm here in Australia, and by george, our food labels are VASTLY different to what most of you have in the US, but both ways drive me up the walllllll.

The whole under 5 calories per serve = zero calorie thing is INSANE. This means companies can just make a serving tiny tiny TINY and then call it zero cal. Where is the accuracy?? I'm anxious just thinking about it??? We have zero "zero calorie" foods here in Australia, but a lot of that is to do with the fact we don't evEN USE CALORIES. EVERYTHING IS IN KILOJOULES. IT'S RIDCULOUS.


Every damn thing is in kJ not Kcal, making labels hard to understand. 420 kilojoules = 100 calories, so I have to do math like crazy in the supermarket, dividing everything by 4.2 to get the calories. Even more, it's marked as "energy" (well calories are energy, scientifically speaking) which essentially turns calories into these amazing energy giving products. Yes, I have actually seen donuts advertised as "High in Energy!" like it's a good thing.



Calorie is barely a thing here in Australia unless you're dieting (and even then people still use Kj). Kilojoules are seen as these scientific measuring numbers, and calories as horrible things that make you fat, like they are completely different things. It's a fkn miracle for all food companies, because they don't have to worry about the negative connotations that come from calorie content, as the loaded word "calorie", is completely removed from the equation. I honestly think rising obesity in Australia has SO MUCH to do with the fact CICO isn't even a thing because CALORIES are barely a thing. Yeah, McDonalds has the calorie content of their food shown, but what use is that when its in Kj??? 2456 kilojoules has literally no meaning to majority of the public.





Sorry this got a little ranty lol. But can't all food labelling just be consistent, readily available and accurate :(((((

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[Discussion] Telling us to "just have one bite" is like telling an alcoholic/drug addict to just have one sip/hit.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 15 23:05:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ud4ex/telling_us_to_just_have_one_bite_is_like_telling/
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[deleted]

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[Other] Something positive
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 22:48:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ud1r5/something_positive/
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It's around 12:50 AM and I can't sleep because I fucked my back up. I'm browsing through here (this is my most visited site on my phone.) just wanted to say I am filled with love and gratitude for all of you guys. This is one place that I feel I can be 100% myself. Xoxoxo

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[Discussion] DAE find higher restriction with a weekly fast easier than lower restriction?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 15 21:33:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ucprr/dae_find_higher_restriction_with_a_weekly_fast/
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[deleted]

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[Help] So tired of binging
/u/tokkibun [5'8 | 110 | GW: 104 | NB-afab]
Created: Wed Feb 15 21:28:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ucp03/so_tired_of_binging/
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The closer that I get to my goal weight, the more that I binge. It's turning into an every couple day thing. I'll binge, fast (or restrict to under 200cals), repeat. I hate it, even though I'm still losing. It just makes me feel so out of control and helpless. I know many of y'all struggle with similar binging patterns, what has helped you get out of this cycle recently or in the past?? I'm just feel so trapped

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Favorite restrictive diet?
/u/rippleoftime
Created: Wed Feb 15 21:03:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uckru/favorite_restrictive_diet/
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[removed]

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] I was going to post this on Tumblr because it fits better there, but I don't want to worry anyone. I think you'll all relate.
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Wed Feb 15 20:47:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uchzc/i_was_going_to_post_this_on_tumblr_because_it/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Ugh
/u/-Never_Mind- [5'2'' | 102 | 19.02 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 20:46:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uchwa/ugh/
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I can't stop the cycle of eating and then hating myself afterwards for having no self control when I just can't stop eating. I can't seem to get myself back under control. If I could, I would toss all the food in my house out. But I can't. I'm a mom, and I don't want to f*ck my kids up with my issues. But I'm seriously losing my mind with the amount of food I see on a daily basis or how many times I get asked about food or having to make or plan meals. My world revolves around food.

*Sorry I'm on mobile and can't flair

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[Discussion] how to stay under 600 cals when traveling? (and hopefully avoid suspicion too)
/u/blackcoffeegreentea [5'9" | 145 | 21.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 20:45:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uchmf/how_to_stay_under_600_cals_when_traveling_and/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Calorie Limits vs. Disordered Thinking
/u/shiver23 [5'5.5 | CW: 135 lbs l UGW: 120><105 lbs l -15 lbs | 25F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 20:21:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ucd4y/calorie_limits_vs_disordered_thinking/
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Hey lovely people!

Is it just me, or when you're restricting do you feel like a failure when you go over your set calorie limit?

(500, 700, 1000, etc)

My TDEE is 1398 (*Sedentary - I don't like to calculate it based on exercise, because let's be real, I hate exercise & I'm not consistent with it*).

My ideal calorie range is now 400 - 700 calories. It started at 700 - 1000 but I found it too easy to just binge and land just below or *shudder* above my TDEE.

Today I had 710 calories and I am STILL beating myself up for it (even though I had 670 net total).

I feel so in control with my restriction, but it is thoughts like this that make me realize this is just another thing in my list of things "wrong" with me.

At least I'm getting skinny and feeling good! :D


Edit: Formatting Nazi.

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[Discussion] Deep dark fears
/u/elttil_snatas
Created: Wed Feb 15 20:14:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ucbuc/deep_dark_fears/
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My ed makes me so self conscious of my size that sometimes I get irrational fears related to it.

One of the ones that kills me the most is thinking what if my boyfriend isn't actually attracted to me... I'm quite overweight and sometimes I'm afraid that when he scrolls through Instagram or something similar and there are pictures of thin, beautiful girls that he thinks "wow I wish she was pretty like this". It's irrational and I know better. But I hate myself so much that I can't help thinking it's a possibility. DAE?

Mobile, can't flair

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[Discussion] Anyone else planning a wedding?
/u/dontcareifithurts__ [5'4.5 | 114.4 | - 6.8 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 20:04:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uc9zo/anyone_else_planning_a_wedding/
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Just curious, any fellow brides-to-be here?

My wedding is in October and I have my first dress fitting since I ordered it 4 months ago, next month.

The last time I went to the store, I was ordering a bridesmaid's dress for my friend's wedding that's also this year, and the woman who measured me told me I had gone up half an inch in my waist size since I ordered my wedding dress, and to "be careful".

Things like that combined with knowing I'm going to be photographed from all angles by so many people TERRIFY me. I have no control over who is going to take an unflattering photo of me. Just seeing the pictures my mom took of me while trying on gowns was enough to make me never want to eat again.

Also how terrible is bridal sizing? Take your regular size and add a size or two, because you know... let's make you feel bad about yourself on the happiest day of your life.

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[Rant/Rave] I fainted getting out of the shower today
/u/Pizzaboxprincess
Created: Wed Feb 15 19:58:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uc8v8/i_fainted_getting_out_of_the_shower_today/
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What the fuck. Morning of day 3 of alice diet, my bmi is like 20 so ive got fat to spare. I felt dizzy during my shower so i was sitting down. Anyway, getting out of the shower its like BAM on the floor cold no towel. My worst nightmare. What if i cracked my head open??? They would find my body. Naked.
So like, ive fasted for longer than this diet before at an underweight bmi... without getting sick or feeling faint. Why'd i pass out today??? Ugh i ate 350 cals to ensure id be able to not faint during work but im still staying on the diet i guess.

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[Discussion] DAE feel too old to have their disorder
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Wed Feb 15 19:26:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uc358/dae_feel_too_old_to_have_their_disorder/
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also i feel like I should just stop staying in this ditch and just go out and work out like normal people and be all healthy. but the thing is, I like staying in this ditch?? I dunno how to explain it except maybe I'm just victim-minded. shrug.

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[Other] Petty thoughts about other women you work with/go to school with
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 19:21:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uc22s/petty_thoughts_about_other_women_you_work_withgo/
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What I'm talking about is seeing someone you either see on a daily basis and/or loathe gaining a considerable amount of weight.


Does anyone else have really petty thoughts about certain people, hoping they just gain more weight so you feel superior?


There's this girl I work with, she's awful. She cheated her way into a management position by pretending she is a hard worker, and even had our admin help her win a fucking paid trip to Florida on the expense of our company. Barely anyone at work likes her because she treats anyone with questions like shit (gives them attitude without provocation or just refuses to help even if the employee is new)


She's recently gained so much weight that people are starting to talk. Her gut is just too big for her clothes anymore and she dresses like she did when she started (she was on the low end of normal and is now rapidly reaching the point of obesity and is not pregnant).


Honestly because I'm such trash I'm fucking ecstatic that she's gaining so much and I'm losing. I've always felt competitive with this chick because she was always trying to outshine me with productivity and get a bigger bonus (which happened maybe twice in a year and a half, she just wasn't that great).


Please tell me I'm not the only one who gets happy when certain people gain a gross amount of weight. Lmao I hate myself.

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[Rant/Rave] Misleading food labels are terrible!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 15 19:19:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uc1t2/misleading_food_labels_are_terrible/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE get rude comments from friends/family who know about your ED?
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" | 200 lbs | 29.5 | 30 lbs| Male]
Created: Wed Feb 15 19:17:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uc1fr/dae_get_rude_comments_from_friendsfamily_who_know/
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A few of my close friends know about my ED, and most of them are supportive. However my best friend has a habit of saying some things that can really hurt when I try to talk to him about stuff.

I mentioned that my husband and I were planning on visiting soon (he lives in northern california, my hometown, and we live in southern california) and I said that I was nervous about visiting because my hometown has a lot of great foods, and I know I'm going to eat a ton, and it's giving me awful anxiety.

His response?

"You're being weak, just eat."

Ouch.

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[Tip] Just a shoutout to strawberries
/u/artgonaut [5'1 | 104.4 | 19.9 | +25 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 19:09:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uc01g/just_a_shoutout_to_strawberries/
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I live in the US, so it's finally getting around to that time of year when strawberries are cheap and taste good again! And today they are pretty much the reason why I stayed under my TDEE — not only are strawberries legitimately *delicious*, but they are ridiculously low-calorie. I currently have 1 pound (0.5 kg) worth of strawberries sitting in my stomach, and it cost me just 150 cal of my daily total.

One entire pound??? 150 calories??? *Actual food*???? I had to cross-reference the numbers to make sure it was accurate. Fruit is deceiving sometimes.

I'm sure you guys are already well-aware, but just be sure to check out your grocery ads, and see which ones are offering some deals on this wholesomeness — I got 1 lb for $0.88 :)

I think I'll eat strawberries just all day.

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[Intro] he broke up with me.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 15 19:01:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ubykg/he_broke_up_with_me/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [Accountability] Bingeing is so tempting at maintenance
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 15 18:46:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ubvmb/accountability_bingeing_is_so_tempting_at/
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[removed]

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[Other] "In Clothes Called Fat" - manga about eating disorder (NSFW)
/u/soberasfuck
Created: Wed Feb 15 18:14:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ubpnv/in_clothes_called_fat_manga_about_eating_disorder/
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I was searching around for manga about eating disorders a couple days ago, and came across "In Clothes Called Fat". It's a pretty gruesome read, but if you like manga and have an ED, maybe you'll be able to relate. I couldn't find any links to it online so I took photos of the first chapter.

http://imgur.com/a/AlDlY

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[Rant/Rave] I miss doing yoga but feel too fat to start
/u/diet247x [5'3 | BMI: 23.0 | -20 lbs | GW: 90 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 17:48:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ubkpj/i_miss_doing_yoga_but_feel_too_fat_to_start/
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I used to take all types of yoga classes when I was 15 lbs lighter. And I desperately want to take a hot yoga class that's offered in my building, but I'm really worried that I'll feel too uncomfortable being in class with other people.

It's depressing me because I used to love doing yoga with other people, that sense of collective calm did wonders for my anxiety. But now I'm stuck doing repetitive weight exercises alone in my room. Blah just needed to get this off my chest.

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[Discussion] Cleanse suggestions?
/u/thinfetish
Created: Wed Feb 15 17:45:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ubk69/cleanse_suggestions/
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[removed]

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[Other] Zero calorie chocolate dip?
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 17:03:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ubbu0/zero_calorie_chocolate_dip/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant][idk] i've been binging for four days
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 15 16:54:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uba5i/rantidk_ive_been_binging_for_four_days/
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[deleted]

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okay, this is actually a problem
/u/SkinnyByComparison [5'1" | CW104 |BMI 20.5|GW90|22F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 16:00:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uayw1/okay_this_is_actually_a_problem/
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[removed]

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[Other] netted 38 calories today... and then I had a midnight snack.
/u/Lady_Anarchy [169cm | CW: 54kg | GW: 52kg | BMI: 18.94 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 15:58:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uaygz/netted_38_calories_today_and_then_i_had_a/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] You can't say that I never gave you bitches anything. A 210 calorie CAKE. Prepare to have your world rocked.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 15 15:38:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uauak/you_cant_say_that_i_never_gave_you_bitches/
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[deleted]

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[Help] So.... hot sauce calories per BOTTLE?
/u/neuro-fuzzy [5'6.3| CW: ~110 ☹ | BMI: ? | LW 98 | GW 108 | 20F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 14:09:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5uaahd/so_hot_sauce_calories_per_bottle/
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I'll admit it. I've gone through 1/4-1/3 of my bottle of Valentina salsa picante in 24 hours. I know & don't care about the sodium and potential gastrointestinal distress.

One 1 tbsp serving is 0 calories, but there are 73 (!) servings per bottle.

I've tried searching this online to no avail. Anyone have an idea of how many calories are in larger quantities of hot sauce?

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[Intro] Introducing myself
/u/proededdandeddy [Height 5'5" | CW169 | BMI Cow | Weight Lost56 | Gender F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 13:47:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ua5gf/introducing_myself/
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Long time lurker on my main account but I could never bring myself to post here with it. So this one's just for you guys and my need to reach out.

I'm going through a rough patch, well, a rough couple of years I should say. Weight has been an issue my entire life. The only time in my time I wasn't overweight or obese was when I was a child. I've had some success with ketoing but it never got me close to even being normal.

What has ultimately brought me to this point in my life was an emotionally abusive relationship. He put so much pressure on me to lose weight. He was A OK with me starving myself, he'd encourage it. He'd shame me for eating at all, even take food away from me. He encouraged me to purge as well, despite the fact it takes monumental effort for me to be able to throw up. Seriously the only time in about a decade I've been able to was when I had food poisoning.

And now here I am today so emotionally distraught I can't bring myself to eat anything at all, not even water. The thought of consuming anything makes my stomach turn. I went through about 3 weeks of this when we broke up a few months ago. Why did we break up? I caught him attempting to cheat on me so he kicked me out of his house. Recently we've been trying to fix the relationship and he said he really wanted it to work. But then I found out he's been fucking this girl that honestly looks like she has down syndrome that he found on Craigslist. He's even been having threesomes with her and another guy in our bed. So fucking disgusted. I want to die. I'm not skinny enough yet to kill myself with starvation. My consolation prize will be losing some more fat. I haven't had more than 10oz of coffee since Monday.

So that's my introduction. Hi.

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Warning signs and symptoms of eating disorders
/u/owwstin
Created: Wed Feb 15 13:35:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ua2t7/warning_signs_and_symptoms_of_eating_disorders/
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https://therapycable.com/blog/do-i-have-an-eating-disorder-signs.html

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[Tip] Tiny forks + tiny knives = Tiny you
/u/haveanicedaytoo [5'7 | 127 | 19.8 | GW: 118 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 13:03:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u9vm9/tiny_forks_tiny_knives_tiny_you/
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I always say eeeeaaatttt slooooweerrr so that the food lasts longer and you feel fuller when you're done and an easy way to do that is to use small cutlery, like a dessert fork or even those tiny kits meant for children or babies. With small utensils, you can't help but take little bites or little spoonfuls. And you can have fun with it, go buy yourself something pretty and fancy or just buy the cheapest thing you find at the nearest big box store or a set with Hello Kitty on it or just borrow one from your family's silverware set. No one ever uses those little forks anyway, and the size of the knife doesn't really matter and you can use a teaspoon for your soup.

It usually takes me 5-10 minutes longer than everyone else when we eat together and those 5-10 minutes can be the difference of your stomach realizing it's full or no realizing and keep going FEED ME MORE!!!

Thought I would share :) hope it helps someone!

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[Other] I'm slowly telling the truth about my ED to people IRL and I don't know whether to feel scared or relieved.
/u/GingerrWithASoul [5'6 | 126.4 | 20.48 | Female]
Created: Wed Feb 15 12:44:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u9rck/im_slowly_telling_the_truth_about_my_ed_to_people/
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I started being honest with a couple of people I know who have also struggled with EDs, including one friend who's in recovery. It started as a way of preventing myself from purging after a binge by telling on myself to one of those people so that they could help me remember that ourging isn't worth it.

And now it's like I give zero fucks about who knows that my ED is spiralling out of control. The usual comments from acquaintances about my eating ("come on, have some cake, as if you have to worry!" or "I don't know how you eat so much but never gain weight") become so easy to deal with when I just tell them the truth. People don't know how to react to the truth but I'm so sick of pretending that it's easy. I'm so sick of pretending that I'm okay when I'm dying inside.

I don't know what this means for me or my ED. I'm not ready to recover but I'm also not willing to sacrifice myself by lying about it anymore. I haven't broadcasted it to the world or anything but the freedom I feel from being honest every now and then almost makes me reconsider my behaviour. I benefit from my ED in some really important ways but it is also tearing me apart. It's almost like I'm reclaiming the control my ED has over me and taking away some of it's power to make me hate myself.

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[Tip] hunger vs food fixation
/u/pungentthrowaway [5'1.5" large and in charge (of nothing)]
Created: Wed Feb 15 11:58:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u9gj7/hunger_vs_food_fixation/
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So, like a lot of you I'm sure, I'm obsessed with food. I think about it all the time. I can almost picture every item of food in my kitchen on the shelves and am constantly thinking of new ways I can combine these items to make delicious food. This usually leads me to take stimulants all day to get rid of the hunger feeling all together and then binge most nights because once I start eating it's like I've let a lion out of the cage.

So anyway, I've found that there are food-related activities that get out some of that food-obsessive energy that are not actually eating food. This may not be helpful for everyone but it's been super helpful for me. If my thoughts get particularly obsessive to the point I'd usually eat something I'll do something food related instead. Examples

- Wash/organize dishes

- Clean/organize fridge/freezer

- Meal prep healthy stuff (this one helps me a ton because I can devote some of that energy on coming up with interesting stuff to make too, and then the actual food prep is majorly helpful)

- Cooking in general. This one does involve eating but like, take a long time to really make yourself a nice low cal meal. Sautee some veggies or make a brothy soup with shirataki noodles. Don't rush it. Enjoy handling the food before you eat it.

- Shopping for food, or window shopping online. Just window shopping on sites like luckyvitamin you'll find a lot of low cal food you hadn't even heard of before.

- Get a ton of beverages. Teas, diet sodas, seltzers, juices. Make yourself mocktails. Flavored seltzer with lime juice and a splash of diet cranberry is wonderful.

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[Rant/Rave] CRAP
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 11:48:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u9e71/crap/
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I posted yesterday about my boyfriend changing plans so my binge day this weekend is cancelled.
Welllll, to make up for it he got my some Krispy Kreme donuts. A dozen donuts. Yes, he literally gave me one dozen donuts. And I have already eaten half of them ugggh I'm never going to make it to my goal.

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[Rant/Rave] My MIL just bought me a size zero pant
/u/hawaiianhaole01 [5'6 | 127.2 | 20.5 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 11:45:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u9dg1/my_mil_just_bought_me_a_size_zero_pant/
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She said she took a guess and got me a size zero because I'm so tiny. Said it was either a 0, 1 or 2.

Jokes on her, my fat ass (literally, that's where all of my weight is) is a 6! I couldn't believe she thought I was that small. At least I have motivation to lose more:)

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[Other] I've made an unsettling discovery
/u/englace [172cm | 112lbs | 17.0 | -35.4lbs | Female]
Created: Wed Feb 15 10:56:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u91x9/ive_made_an_unsettling_discovery/
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...Dying feels really good. This weekend some very unfortunate circumstances came about that ended with me well, um, dying. I oded accidentally on opiates, and died unconscious in my girlfriend's (and some paramedics) arms. And all I recall is doing another line, laying down in her lap, and feeling better than I've ever felt before, then waking up with an iv in my arm and paramedics surrounding me. I was legally dead for three minutes, in their words, and despite being on a very uncertain path to recovery i can't shake the feeling : dying is cheap, easy, and feels amazing. I feel awful about doing that to her and to the people around me, but... I've spent most of my life suicidal. I cant imagine doing this to the people I care about, but now I know how easy it is...

I don't know, this is mostly a rant - I'm on mobile and can't tag, sorry. Christ though, things are tempting when they seem so easy.

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[Intro] The Target fitting room mirror: a study in self loathing
/u/selfmedic8d
Created: Wed Feb 15 10:24:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u8ucp/the_target_fitting_room_mirror_a_study_in_self/
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Howdy y'all. Used to not be huge. Now i'm huge. I used to be able to lie on my side knees together, even knees crossed (one in front of the other) and my thighs were inches apart/never touched. Could sit on my bed with thighs spread out and still they couldn't touch. (That Post about body checks got me thinking about that) You know how it goes. Gained a good amount of weight from those days but was still thin through the years, with some back and forth pounds here and there. Recent years i slowly gained and gained, then medication had my gain 20 lbs in a month from my already highest weight. For the first time in my life i have fat on my ribs and even my back. I haven't dropped the pounds despite stopping the meds months ago. Tried losing it in "healthier" ways. Might be actually getting even fatter. I haven't been on a scale in forever. I need to snap out of it. I dont know what it's going to take for me to get my shit back in gear. I swear the more times i do something the harder it gets, despite logic suggesting it should be otherwise. Sorry for the ramble. Thanks for existing, I've been reading for a while, y'all are lovely.

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[Help] I could really use some encouragement right now.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 10:05:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u8pxt/i_could_really_use_some_encouragement_right_now/
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I have been really bored and depressed lately, and, despite my appetite being manageable now that I found a medication schedule that works, I just want to constantly eat because I crave feeling good. Right now I'm aiming simply to end under maintenance. So it's not like I'm doing anything crazy. So yeah. Any encouraging, reassuring words would really help right now.

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[Rant/Rave] Visiting Family feat. panic & guilt
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 15 09:48:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u8lpp/visiting_family_feat_panic_guilt/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] dae have safe clothes??
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 15 08:54:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u87j7/dae_have_safe_clothes/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Is anyone else obsessed with food documentaries? [DISCUSSION]
/u/crybabybulimic [5'4" | 🙃 | -7 | GW: 100lbs |]
Created: Wed Feb 15 08:46:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u85v3/is_anyone_else_obsessed_with_food_documentaries/
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I've exhausted all the ones available on Netflix, and watched all *Supersize vs. Superskinny* episodes I could find on YouTube.

I find documentaries about eating behaviours of obese people particularly interesting - subconscious reverse thinspo, maybe.

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[Other] ADHD meds (will flair when i get home)
/u/moggettt [5'5 | 108 | 18.0 | NB]
Created: Wed Feb 15 07:28:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u7o6a/adhd_meds_will_flair_when_i_get_home/
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hi I just want to ask about your experiences with ADHD meds? both as actual ADHD treatment and for appetite suppressant/weight loss purposes. I was on concerta, which was moderately helpful for my ADHD but had little effect on my appetite. soon I'll be starting either Vyvanse or Adderall (depending on insurance) and I've heard really promising things about both. so just wanting to get you guys' opinions on how helpful they are

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[Goal] Valentine's Day was a success!
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 07:24:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u7n6x/valentines_day_was_a_success/
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Yay! We watched an awesome movie, got drunk as shit at the movies, and I let myself have movie theater artery clogging delicious popcorn for the first time in a very long time. And I'm not freaking out. I'm not going to binge today. I'm going back to my normal meal plan AND I'm at 93lbs now! I'm not updating my flair cause I'm trying to maintain I guess...but I'm scared of gaining. Either way. I hope yall have a lovely day and take care of yourselves lovelies (:

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) the ungrateful horrible human that is I
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 07:12:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u7km2/rant_the_ungrateful_horrible_human_that_is_i/
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Valentine's Day (Along with any holiday) is honestly the worst.

I got sushi which was heavy in calorie but better than other options my SO had though about.

However when it came time for presents I opened up a big package from crunchyroll (an Anime website) I honestly thought it was going to be a stuffed animal or a book or something...
But no it was hello kitty candy and other candy. Which to be fair we had just been to the Asian market and I talked about how I wanted to try it all.

He said "I'm sorry you didn't like it"

I said I didn't say that but he said I didn't have to he knew.

It's just... So much food. I even asked if we could not do a lot of chocolate this year and he said of course (when I reminded him he joked that the candy wasn't chocolate).

what's even worse is all the nutrition information on the package isn't in English so I literally have no clue what or how much is in everything. This will either lead to a huge binge or me not eating it and feeling guilty.

Presents are hard. I feel not worth anything he gives me... And the only thing he know I won't freak out over cause of price is candy (which I then freak out over cause it's candy 😅).

I just feel like an ungrateful bitch.

He deserves someone who can be truly happy over the thoughtful gifts. Who can go to dinner without freaking out.

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[Rant/Rave] Just stop me. Or don't.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 15 07:02:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u7iab/just_stop_me_or_dont/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Just smile and nod
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 155.9 | -41lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Wed Feb 15 06:43:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u7etp/just_smile_and_nod/
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(Rant/rave) Last night at dinner my boyfriend and I were talking about weight loss and he was like isn't it amazing how you just decided that you were going to lose some weight and did it? I can't believe you just lost so much, don't you feel amazing? Why can't everyone do that?

As I'm dying internally because if he knew that I hardly ate over 1000 calories for the last month (barely over 600 most days) and a half but he has no concept of calories.

I'm scared of the other shoe dropping and him realizing I'm restricting because then I'm in for a world of hell. Hopefully that doesn't happen for another 60lbs. He has no concept of weight either so hopefully he won't realize how much I'm weighing.

Also proud because they brought me the dessert menu and it's the Cheesecake Factory (not actually where we intended on going, long story, but it was terrifying having to be *spontaneous* and completely ruin my long planned out meal at the other restaurant. Anyway they brought me the menu and I was intent on getting a Reese's Cheesecake and then decided I definitely shouldn't, even though I fasted all day before dinner! I've never ever received a dessert menu and then refused!

I'll get around to introducing myself eventually :) Hope you guys had a nice valentines!

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[Other] Fitbit Friends - Let's Challenge Each Other!
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 15 05:46:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u74ux/fitbit_friends_lets_challenge_each_other/
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I got back into using my Fitbit and I thought that it would be super awesome to link up with some of you and add you on Fitbit! We can do some of the challenges Fitbit allows and kinda compete and motivate each other. We can also iMessage or discord message or whatever works! If you're interested, upvote (so others can see!) and then PM me your email that your Fitbit is under so I can add you!

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[Tip] The Squat Challenge - Updated Downloads
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 15 05:40:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u73yp/the_squat_challenge_updated_downloads/
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[deleted]

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday February 15, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Feb 15 05:09:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u6zgl/way_to_go_wednesday_february_15_2017/
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This is the weekly achievement thread for February 15, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 15, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Feb 15 05:08:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u6zg4/daily_food_diary_february_15_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for February 15, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Help] [Help] I'm so fucking tired
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 15 03:28:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u6ncw/help_im_so_fucking_tired/
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[deleted]

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[Help] [Help] I'm do fucking tired
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 15 03:13:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u6lp5/help_im_do_fucking_tired/
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[deleted]

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I'm so fucking tired
/u/saintandserpent
Created: Wed Feb 15 03:07:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u6ky4/im_so_fucking_tired/
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[removed]

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I'm so fucking tired
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 15 01:43:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u6b9t/im_so_fucking_tired/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Go-to drinks at Starbucks?
/u/babylemonadexx [5'7" 🌈 | 110 🍦| 16.7 🍟 | F 🌸]
Created: Wed Feb 15 01:05:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u674d/goto_drinks_at_starbucks/
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So I'm a bit of a novice when it comes to coffee, but I really want to get into it because I need the caffeine fix tbh. What are everyone's favourite safe drinks from Starbucks? (i.e. 50 cals and under)

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[Rant/Rave] I can't deal with myself
/u/totalscumoftheearth
Created: Wed Feb 15 00:19:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u61rt/i_cant_deal_with_myself/
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I am already really sorry for this post in advance. Maybe all of it is not ED related, but this is the most supportive group that I have come up onto and I really just need to let it all out because it feels like I am suffocating. Using a throwaway, because obvious reasons.

I am not diagnosed officially with an ED, but I have had a really unhealthy binge/restrict relationship with food for over ten years now. And I feel like lately it is becoming more and more out of control. And together with the food relationships, everything else in my life of falling apart.

I have been on a binge for the last five days. Yesterday was good-ish, but still not as good as I was planning, because I was in a place where I just couldn't avoid eating. I feel like crap. Just want to fast, but today already I had a piece of candy.

It is 9am and I am sitting here and having post drinking blues. All I want is to drink more.

My SO is away from the country until the weekend. We have been together for over six years and I love him so much. He is a person that is so much better than me and has carried me through so many hard times. He supports everything that I do.

This year I have cheated on him four times already. Three times with a friend of mine and last night with a stranger that I picked up from the bar. I don't know why I am doing this. We have been doing long distance thing for the last four years and never before I have felt the need to cheat. I can't look him in the eye anymore.

He is the best person in the whole world and he deserves so much better. He has explicitly said to me that the only deal breaker would be me cheating on him because he is a jealous person. And here I am - just slept with some random dude, who I thought was the hottest one in the bar yesterday.

I have also been dropping weight consistently since beginning of last December and have lost around 10 lbs by now. I still think that I need to lose at least 15 more to be fully happy with how I feel. I am 5'7'' and sitting at 135. I feel hotter with every day that I don't eat enough. But I also feel that I am becoming more and more narcissistic and vain. I was planning to get someone for my friend last night who was feeling very undesirable and unhappy, but I ended up just hooking up myself and leaving her with some acquaintances. Furthermore she told me that whenever I talk with someone, it just feels like I am trying to get with them. I love flirting. I love attention that I am getting. I love getting human contact and physical contact. I want to feel like I am the most desirable woman around. I am one of those "I don't really get along with girls" people. And it is fair enough, because I will probably sleep with their boyfriends or husbands. Before I was in the relationship with my SO it was completely fair game to hook up with people in relationships. It was more of a challenge and I almost got off from the power to get them to cheat.

Also I have been drinking pretty much every day for two months now. I was on this alcoholic streak before I got with my SO and he helped me get out of it, but I am falling back into it. I am going through booze like there is no tomorrow. Pretty much feeling like I can't relax without booze anymore.

I'll drink until late into night and then wake up early to go to the gym to run. This is not a lifestyle that is sustainable. I know it. And I am afraid that I have already done enough to lose my SO. This terrifies me the most.

I have tried to talk to a therapist about this, but I am a pathological liar. I just can't help but paint a really nice picture to the people around me.

I don't think that anyone can really help. I guess that I just wanted to say this out loud. I am really not ok at the moment and I am so tired of pretending that I am.

That is all. Sorry.

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[Other] Counting other people's calories
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 14 23:25:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u5usf/counting_other_peoples_calories/
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[deleted]

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[Tip] Low calorie great easy meal
/u/FreddyTeddyIsCool [175cm| 75kg | F20]
Created: Tue Feb 14 22:36:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u5nqt/low_calorie_great_easy_meal/
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(This post is only really relevant to Australians, sorry)
Recently I've been working a lot so I haven't had time after a long day to make myself and healthy low calorie meal. Low and behold 'Woolworths Chicken and Vegetable Soup, 300g'. It's so good, fills you up and is low in calories (152 calories). Probably going to have one this evening after I finish the gym.
I highly recommend to any Aussies out there!
I hope you all have a lovely day.

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[Rant/Rave] I have trouble finding safe food because the majority of what normal people consider 'healthy' seems insane.
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Tue Feb 14 22:01:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u5idx/i_have_trouble_finding_safe_food_because_the/
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Me: *sees a clickbait article about "Healthy Dinners That'll Make You Feel Great!"* Oh this might be good *click* wait a second. Something doesn't seem right here. *puts recipe for hoagie in MFP, it's 1,000 fucking calories* ?!?!

Me: *goes on Etsy and sees a listing for a 'keto, grain-free, gluten-free, sugar-free big cookie* Yes. *clicks on page* 600 calories for one. No.

"These taste so good you will never realize you are eating so healthy!" - actual quote from the cookie page.

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[Rant/Rave] Accidental Buffet Disaster
/u/MechanicClemency [5'4" |CW118 lb // GW 110lb | 20.83| 11 lb| Female]
Created: Tue Feb 14 21:50:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u5gjc/accidental_buffet_disaster/
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Earlier this evening I took two of my best friends out to dinner since they're really bummed out about being alone on Valentine's Day. There's this really dope Indian food place near where we work and so we go there. I mean this place is AUTHENTIC. The whole family who owns the restaurant works there. Well, I'm an idiot and forget Tuesday's are Buffet night and that means no menu items, just flat buffet rate. Naturally, at $15 per person, I automatically go into starving college kid mode to "get my money's worth" and just start eating fucking everything. Then my friends made sure I couldn't go home right away to purge everything so it was like 2 hours before I could get home. I'm really upset and I feel like a fat cow.

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[Rant/Rave] I think my eating disorder is ruining my relationship
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 14 21:44:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u5fn8/i_think_my_eating_disorder_is_ruining_my/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm scared that I'm going to die.
/u/HufflePuffPrid3 [4'11 | 84 | 17 | -19 | F ]
Created: Tue Feb 14 21:37:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u5eiw/im_scared_that_im_going_to_die/
---
I'm not super thin- my bmi isn't too low (17).

But you hear about people with EDs dying from heart and other health problems.

I know no one here can tell me whether or not I am in dangerous territory. I'm just scared.

I guess I don't want to die- I just like being thin and small.

What is wrong with me?

---

[Intro] Too fat to be skinny
/u/PlaTOESatlantis
Created: Tue Feb 14 21:33:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u5dti/too_fat_to_be_skinny/
---
It's 4:30am and i've been laying next to my sleeping boyfriend almost in tears about my body. We had chinese on Valentines night and i was so disgusted with myself i purged for the first time in years. I knew it was coming, i've gained 20lbs in 6 months and have been feeling more and more helpless. It's like at first it wasn't too bad and then all of a sudden i can feel my fat wobble when i walk. I'm too bloated to even suck my stomach in. So, i purged. And i liked it. I felt a little better. For reference i'm 159lbs and 5"7/8 but i carry all my weight on my stomach, hips, thighs and bum. Planning to restrict tomorrow to 300cals and a 5 mile walk plus some yoga and do this 4 times a week. Here starts the long road. I just want to be perfect :( Rant over.

---

[Rant/Rave] at least there's a positive side to not getting anything for vday
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 139 | GW: 90 | F/18]
Created: Tue Feb 14 21:28:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u5d1x/at_least_theres_a_positive_side_to_not_getting/
---
[removed]

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[Other] The bittersweet truth about clothes no longer fitting
/u/missfire26 [5'7" | GW110 | -45 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 19:39:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u4uot/the_bittersweet_truth_about_clothes_no_longer/
---
It means I've lost weight and look noticeably better...But it also makes me realize that I USED to fit in that. Considering I still feel huge and disgusting, I can't even imagine how people used to see me before the weight loss or how I let myself be seen like that.

Anybody else feel similarly disgusted every time they go down a size?

---

[Rant/Rave] "Why do you always feed me?" [Rant]
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 144.8 | 20.6 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 19:05:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u4okx/why_do_you_always_feed_me_rant/
---
My SO just got mad at me because I always try to feed him... I got a plate of strawberries from the dining hall and brought them to his room, seriously who doesn't like strawberries?! I thought I was doing something nice since we're both busy with homework on Valentine's day. And he got mad and said it was weird that I always did this and asked why I feel "entitled to feed him" and why I get sad when he declines food.

I'm sorry that I need to do shit like this to deflect from the fact that I'm not actually eating anything myself! I'm sorry that my fucked up ED brain associates lack of food with self-hate and food with love and security! I'm sorry that I'm irrationally terrified that you'll be smaller than me (we're the same height) and want to feed you to prevent that! I'm sorry that you didn't want any fucking strawberries and I didn't want to eat them myself!


Thanks in advance for listening to my rant. Happy Valentine's Day and congrats to those who managed to get through it without a food related fight.

---

[Help] How do you get out of a "cycle"? [help]
/u/syntheticseasalt
Created: Tue Feb 14 18:48:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u4lmx/how_do_you_get_out_of_a_cycle_help/
---
I've been straight up binging and purging for the past month and i'm about to lose my shit. Every single night, i convince myself that tomorrow will be better, but that hasn't come true in thirty days. I obviously can't control myself around food these days, so do you think fasting would be beneficial? Just to sort of cleanse myself from the thought of eating?

What do you guys personally do when you feel stuck like this? I feel so helpless and useless.

---

[Other] BINGE- The Blind Girl- A prequel
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | 104 | 19.0 | Ugw: 85 |19f]
Created: Tue Feb 14 18:33:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u4j22/binge_the_blind_girl_a_prequel/
---
https://youtu.be/PMiXusL1GFw

---

[Discussion] DAE have binging episodes right before a major weight goal?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 14 17:22:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u45yk/dae_have_binging_episodes_right_before_a_major/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Trusting BMR?
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW110 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 17:00:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u41bu/trusting_bmr/
---
So even though I'm still in a healthy weight range, I'm starting to feel the effects of only eating ~700 calories a day. I can't sleep anymore, constantly exhausted and in a bad mood. I'm trying to eat at my BMR for 2 days a week now to try and help a little, but I'm freaking out that it's way too much food. I'm not really certain what my weight is because I don't have access to a scale, but I'm fairly certain it's between 110-115lbs, which puts my BMR at 1300-1350 which seems high. I was wondering if anyone knew of any super accurate calculators? Thanks!

---

[Discussion] Valentines Day with my ED
/u/every_label
Created: Tue Feb 14 16:39:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3xau/valentines_day_with_my_ed/
---
You know... for us folks who are in a relationship with food/exercise/body/losing weight - what did you all do?

Me? I cycled 90 miles on coffee, went to the cinema and ate a ton of chocolate.

---

[Rant/Rave] I binged over 3000kcal today. I hate myself and I don't know how to stop.
/u/OperatingOnScientist [5'3 | 128.6lbs | 23.41 | F | UGW 100lbs]
Created: Tue Feb 14 16:37:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3x1p/i_binged_over_3000kcal_today_i_hate_myself_and_i/
---
I keep binging and I feel like crying, I am so bloated and fat and disgusting and I don't know why I keep doing this. I hate myself for it so much and I can't understand why I can't stop myself.

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[Rant/Rave] Failure seems to be hardwired into my DNA [Rant]
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 108.6 | 19.9 | -7 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Feb 14 16:35:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3wiw/failure_seems_to_be_hardwired_into_my_dna_rant/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] "You're gonna lose that girlish figure"
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 16:35:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3wge/youre_gonna_lose_that_girlish_figure/
---
Lol fuck me I'm at work and we had a v-day potluck.
I got up to get a broken piece of a snickerdoodle cookie my boss's kid made. Fucking piece probably isn't more than 60cals.

This jerk-off old fuck walks by me and tells me that I'm gonna lose my girlish figure for grabbing that piece of cookie.

I'm 5"9' and 104lbs lol bite me.

Anyways, I guess I won't be eating that cookie until later when I can b/p it.

Happy Valentine's Day.

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel like shit
/u/Lady_Anarchy [169cm | CW: 54kg | GW: 52kg | BMI: 18.94 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 15:59:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3pak/i_feel_like_shit/
---
I've been ill recently. time during which I barely ate. and yet, that made me gain even more.

I can't bear this anymore. I really can't. it's like no matter what I do, it's just never enough.

I consumed under 500 cals today. netted under 200 in fact. but it doesn't feel like success. it feels like I'm not nearly the way I'm meant to look.

I'm a human fucking garbage can. I feel sick. I hate this. so, so much.

worst of all, no amount of success in other areas of life softens this feeling. I try not to care, I try to tell myself it's just a body, it's just food (and no one notices ever anyway) but I just don't buy it.

and yet I'm not even strong enough (mentally and emotionally) to get destructive over it. other times, I'd properly pull myself together at times like this. but now I feel like I'm a dissatisfied brain, trapped inside a revolting, uncontrollable body, that has given up on everything. not enough passion to change, but the disgust only ever grows.

my god, I really feel like shit.

---

[Help] trying to find something
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 14 15:46:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3mgd/trying_to_find_something/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I've been eating all the chocolates/cupcakes and IDGAF
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 14 15:36:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3kfw/ive_been_eating_all_the_chocolatescupcakes_and/
---
Seriously, I've had 1 cupcake, 3 cake pops, 2 small purple cookies, 3 chocolates, 1 reeces, some chips, velveta, 2 slices bacon, and I'm about to eat some soup.

Like I really don't GAF right now. Probably bc I'm pissed off about tomrrow.

---

[Help] How to handle Valentine's Day and caloric restriction?
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 108.6 | 19.9 | -7 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Feb 14 15:13:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3fhx/how_to_handle_valentines_day_and_caloric/
---
wonder if I could get your opinion on something. My husband and I tend to celebrate Valentine's Day on the 15th due to the fact that nobody's going out to eat that day so the restaurants will be less crowded. Not to mention the half-price chocolates.

I've been eating an average of about 400 calories a day for the last 4 days. 46 more to go. I'm really tempted to eat at maintenance or just below it tomorrow so I can splurge on some of those chocolates. Would this be a bad idea? Do you think it would end up turning into a binge if I so much as looked at chocolate? I don't normally binge but right now I really can see myself eating 2000 calories of chocolate and probably another 800 calories in sushi over the course of the day. Do I give myself a little more freedom and pray I don't go overboard?

Tomorrow my diet plan states that I'm only to eat a hundred calories. That pretty much cancels the idea of dinner altogether. I don't want my husband to suffer just because I have an eating disorder. He loves eating out with me. Whenever I'm not in one of my restricting phases we go out to eat twice a week.

---

[Discussion] This is gonna sound weird, but has anyone ever been food dominated?
/u/WorstCunt [donkey brain]
Created: Tue Feb 14 14:40:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u3850/this_is_gonna_sound_weird_but_has_anyone_ever/
---
Okay so I am in a Dom/sub relationship. He knows all about my ED and is super supportive. Recently I was considering letting him food dom me (it's a thing, like financial domination) but idk if it would really work. I am totally submissive to him but idk if this is a step too far for me?

It would be really great if someone else telling me 'no you cannot eat that, or yes have to eat that' would stop me from getting out of control. I just can't trust myself or my opinion about anything! When I'm with him it's like I'm fine. I eat normally and don't really snack at all. Whenever I cook for us he praises how perfect the ratios are. But when I'm alone I'm such a mess and get so lost in my own thoughts.

I just wanna know if anyone has done it to any success??

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[Other] You know you're sick when even Tumblr is like, "Girl, you a'ight???"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 14 14:01:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u2zeq/you_know_youre_sick_when_even_tumblr_is_like_girl/
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https://i.redd.it/kolmy3sc0wfy.png

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[Rant/Rave] TFW you've already ate almost all your planned calories for the day and it's barely 2:00 pm for you
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 108lb | UGW 98lb |F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 13:32:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u2t0t/tfw_youve_already_ate_almost_all_your_planned/
---
Now I'm going to chug down coffee until dinner time because my self control was non existent this morning 😭 why must I do this? Sigh

(On Mobil, please flair as rant/rave)

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[Discussion] Which body check is your ultimate indicator? [Discussion]
/u/almostwispy
Created: Tue Feb 14 13:26:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u2rqj/which_body_check_is_your_ultimate_indicator/
---
Not your comfort indicator that you check 80000 times a day (hello bony knobs on the back of my hip bones). I'm talking about the indicator that tells you that you've reached a next level of skinny.

For me, it's that visible arm vein that goes from wrist to bicep. I knew I had crossed the line into normal BMI territory when I lost sight of that vein. I've still got a spine that looks like a stegosaurus and a thigh gap. But damn if I don't look for that arm vein everyday. It's currently only visible up to about an inch away from my elbow :/

My BMI is in the low 18s. I think I've got about 8 pounds before I get the vein check back to what it used to be...

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[Rant/Rave] Plans changed
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 13:06:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u2n80/plans_changed/
---
Ugh I'm pretty upset. My boyfriend and I were going to do a Valentine's day this weekend since we're both busy during the week. So I planned for that day to be a binge day and I've been eating super extra carefully in preparation.

Well, he just got a job and his first shift is Saturday! Meaning my entire plan is out the window and I don't get to spend time with him or eat.

Anyway tldr I guess when plans change surrounding a binge it messes with everything.

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Anyone here fast to punish themselves for social mistakes?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 14 13:04:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u2mpi/anyone_here_fast_to_punish_themselves_for_social/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Need some reverse thinspo? Have a documentary in which they graphically autopsy dead fat people.
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 108.6 | 19.9 | -7 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Feb 14 12:57:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u2l23/need_some_reverse_thinspo_have_a_documentary_in/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7gXhPUs0dk

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[Discussion] collecting recipes/pictures of food.
/u/moggettt [5'5 | 108 | 18.0 | NB]
Created: Tue Feb 14 11:53:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u24ia/collecting_recipespictures_of_food/
---
DAE do this? i think "collecting" is an understatement for me -- i HOARD food pics. i have probably close to a dozen pinboards dedicated to food, my bookmarks are overflowing. i cant even cook!!

its so weird to me that im so obsessed w/ looking at food and stuff considering how meticulously i avoid it in every day life. most of the stuff i save recipes for is stuff i would never eat in a million years. i just have this compulsion !! it sucks because i think sometimes it does make me more hungry too.

when i was in treatment (PHP and then inpatient) i pretty much lost interest in this hobby. now that im out i do it again. its like the less im eating the more i want to look at food. not helpful, brain.

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[Rant/Rave] I made brownies for our friends tonight and we are no longer going out with them.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 14 11:44:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u21sp/i_made_brownies_for_our_friends_tonight_and_we/
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These brownies are so decadent and beautiful and I was going to feed them to people I love bc food is what makes people happy but now we aren't going out and they are sitting in their lovely glass bowl in my house and I don't want to go home and now I'm sad and I know I will eat them all cause I have no self control and I can't destroy them bc my husband knows they exist and I hate myself and I haven't even had the brownies yet.

:( I'm sorry for bitching I just hate how much I love baking and cooking and food and I hate when plans change. I hate change. Ugh.


Thanks for listening

/mobile rant

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[Rant/Rave] how did i let this weight gain happen? waaa i never want to eat again
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 14 11:36:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u206o/how_did_i_let_this_weight_gain_happen_waaa_i/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I need help finding this one particular weight loss calculator
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 108.6 | 19.9 | -7 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Feb 14 11:34:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1zk6/i_need_help_finding_this_one_particular_weight/
---
There was this weight loss calculator that would let you enter your weight and height and the average amount of calories you eat in a day, and it would give you this chart where you could see your weight falling exponentially and match up how much you will have lost by a certain day. Where is that thing? I can't find it. I liked it because it would let you put your GW as low as you wanted.

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[Help] Ankle injury - Exercise? (Mobile, no flair)
/u/dontcareifithurts__ [5'4.5 | 114.4 | - 6.8 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 11:33:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1ze1/ankle_injury_exercise_mobile_no_flair/
---
So, I've injured my ankle by walking briskly on the tredmill for hours.

I thought I could ignore it but it just keeps getting more sore so I guess I need to rest it.

Any advice for exercise that burns a lot of calories and doesn't involve standing, walking, or using my ankle too much?

Help. I lost 4.2 pounds last week and I don't want to come to a screeching halt or put any of it back on.

---

[Other] Going to the movies tonight
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 11:30:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1yvq/going_to_the_movies_tonight/
---
I'm trying to fast all day with broth so that I can make my bf happy and eat some popcorn with him. My stomach is dying omg. But I logged this as a possible 2000 calories binge day just incase (medium popcorn and beer and possibly halo top out of greed). Then I have a 700 calorie meal plan for the rest of the week. I want to just enjoy this but I'm terrified I'm not estimating enough calories. I don't track my liquor but I do track my beer so it just seems like everything is so up in the air! But I haven't binged in a long while aside from one mini-mini binge. So there is that! Just wanted to rant.

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[Help] "About" 2 servings...
/u/quietpandaa [5'1 | 97 | 19.1 | -13 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 10:58:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1r7l/about_2_servings/
---
I finally bought a package of shirataki noodles and am totally excited to try them out for dinner tonight! On the package, it says there are about 2 servings inside, and each serving is 113 g (whole package is 227 g). What do you guys do in these situations in terms of calorie counting? I have a food scale so I could weigh the noodles to see exactly how much, but then I run into the drained vs. undrained question.

Also, if you know of any good ways to cook shirataki noodles in a microwave (dorm life sucks) and filling/low-cal add-ins, I'd be happy to hear them!

Sorry, I'm on mobile and can't figure out how to flair!

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[Help] antidepressants and ephedrine
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 10:48:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1ovb/antidepressants_and_ephedrine/
---
I've been taking ephedrine twice a day for nearly two months now and love being back on it. Last week my doctor prescribed celexa to take in the morning, which used to work for me very well. But now when I take both I crash so hard by around 11 and can barely make it through the day.

Anyone ever have any experience with this combination? In all honesty, I'd rather give up the celexa then the ephedrine right now.

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[Rant/Rave] Got diagnosed today and feeling relieved.
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105.2 | GW 95]
Created: Tue Feb 14 10:43:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1nq4/got_diagnosed_today_and_feeling_relieved/
---
It was weirdly extremely relieving to hear my official diagnosis of bulimia. I've been feeling like a fraud for even identifying with disordered eating because on the surface I seem normal, my grades are fine and my weight has literally not changed despite all the torment I've been going through with binge/restrict. Now I finally feel "allowed" to show myself compassion and forgive myself for my ridiculous eating behaviors.

If anyone else feels like they don't belong here, I want to offer you some of words I wish I could have told myself. There's a reason you've wandered enough to end up in this sub. Whether it's an official diagnosis or your own acknowledgement of disordered eating patterns, no matter how "severe" or "mild" your symptoms, we are all going through a lot of mental torment and need/deserve the support of this community.

I'm rather new here but the kind words, support, and relatable stories shared here have been SO helpful for feeling less isolated and alone in the world. Thank you all for being such a welcoming community <3

---

I've stopped counting calories
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 14 10:42:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1nat/ive_stopped_counting_calories/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Tomorrow begins a new chapter and I couldn't be more excited.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 10:15:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1gsm/tomorrow_begins_a_new_chapter_and_i_couldnt_be/
---
Last year, I went on Wellbutrin. I do have depression, but requested that specific medication to try due to popular side effects. Fast forward a few months and I'm at my LW. Then I get hit my a devastating life incident at the same my insurance runs out. Ate my feelings.

It's been 10 months since I was on medication and I'm 30 pounds heavier. However, I now hold in my hands a 90 day supply of Wellbutrin. I'm elated.

And the best part? I'm not doing a 'I'll start tomorrow' binge. I'm eating normally tonight and then can start my meds tomorrow.

It's not totally ED related, but I know a lot of us have anxiety and depression and other fun bonuses to go along with our EDs. I wanted to share the news with someone, so thank you for listening.

---

Who woulda thought such a tiny thing could spark such anxiety?????
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 10:15:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u1gqf/who_woulda_thought_such_a_tiny_thing_could_spark/
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http://imgur.com/JL8k3qx

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling so fucking betrayed
/u/sucralosedosed
Created: Tue Feb 14 09:17:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u13ir/feeling_so_fucking_betrayed/
---
There was this guy that was like bad news for me but I couldn't get enough of him until finally I had to stop. Throughout this whole painful ordeal, I had an amazing friend stop me from making an ass out of myself and contacting the guy, always. This friend would text some reason into my ugly sobbing self at 2am in the morning, be my drinking buddy while I yelled so much hate about this guy, and hang out with me so I would forget all about him.

She told me she hated the guy's guts for taking advantage of me and my feelings while I was in an exploitable state. She did her best to include me in conversations and events even though I was super socially awkward. She was aware that bad news guy liked her so much but she said she didn't like him back. She had a flaw, though: once we started drinking, she'd end up getting it on with a guy if there was one, without fail.

Fast forward a couple months from then to today and I find out this "amazing" friend had sexual activity with bad news guy just a couple days before Valentine's during a sleepover. I don't know how she could do that after telling me how much she hated that guy's guts. Might have been the alcohol? Man, I love her as a friend but why did she have to do this to me.

I hate myself so much for even caring about what bad news boy has been up to. I hate that I can't decide whether to hate my friend for sleeping with the guy I want and am trying to resist the most, after the big part she played with my recovery; or to continue liking her because 1. I have to because she's the queen bee in my colleges' social strata, 2. She's still my friend and she gets drunk once in a while and fucks around anyway, 3. Aside from this she's been a nice person to me.

I want to not eat for a month and be skinny as fuck and watch them be amazed at how thin I am. Maybe if I was thin bad news boy would have stayed liking me instead of fucking around with my friend. Maybe if I was thin I would be happy with how I am now, with an LDR boyfriend and a part time job to keep me busy. I just want to wither away this fat gross cocoon of lard and evolve into someone sexy and beautiful and confident and loved.

PS. I'm on mobile, can't tag sorry

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[Rant/Rave] I'm in a secret weight battle with my husband.
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 210 lbs | 35 BMI | -65lbs | GW: 120 | 26F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 09:17:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u13i5/im_in_a_secret_weight_battle_with_my_husband/
---
Hi, perma-mobile (and also new!) so I can't flair.. rant/rave? Maybe?

I gained a lot of weight through my pregnancies, and took some time off from my ED to do the "Mom" thing. Used breastfeeding as an excuse to eat whatever the hell I wanted.. and gained a horrible amount of weight. I woke up a few months ago at 245 and wanted to die. I've lost 30 lbs now and my ED is back on track.

My husband also gained a TON of weight during the same time period. He also got promoted, so was doing more of a "desk" job than the manual labor he had been doing. He topped out at 280.

But now.. he's switched jobs and is back out upside doing the hard work. And he's losing weight QUICKLY. And now I feel like I'm in some secret competition. There's a 60lb difference between our weights now.. but I feel like I have to rapidly lose as much weight as possible because I would be horrified if he passed me and weighed less than I do.

Does that make sense or am I crazy?!

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[Rant/Rave] Why does everything revolve around food?? [RANT/RAVE]
/u/crybabybulimic [5'4" | 🙃 | -7 | GW: 100lbs |]
Created: Tue Feb 14 09:06:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u112j/why_does_everything_revolve_around_food_rantrave/
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I went to the cinema with friends today and ordered myself a large Diet Pepsi.

When my friends realised I didn't order food they kept pushing me to buy something, but I didn't.

Then, throughout the whole movie they offered me their food constantly, so I had to eat some to avoid causing a fuss.

After the movie was over, they began discussing places to go eat!!

I just said I felt ill and went home.

It seems like everything, every activity just HAS to involve food.

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[Goal] You definitely look skinnier, babe!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 14 08:34:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u0u6x/you_definitely_look_skinnier_babe/
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[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Beautiful Thinspo
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 14 08:33:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u0u1u/beautiful_thinspo/
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https://imgur.com/a/dwIAZ

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[Help] My SO is gaining weight and it's triggering me
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | F | GW:115 | -17 | BMI 23.8]
Created: Tue Feb 14 08:02:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u0not/my_so_is_gaining_weight_and_its_triggering_me/
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Since last August my SO (25M) stopped being active, started playing more video games, started drinking more soda, and ate out most days of the week. As I was losing weight he was gaining. He's gained a total of 40 pounds.

He's delusional and every time I bring it up he has another excuse like:

* he's "bulking" by eating a lot. Even tho I told him that's not how it works and he has to eat well *and* workout/lift to bulk.

* he's "growing into himself" and that's why his clothes aren't fitting and he can't button his pants. My response was that he's 25 years old and if he was growing into himself it wouldn't be horizontally and that his metabolism has changed.

* he's always been really skinny and never gained weight (fast metabolism) so now he's convinced it's a good thing he's gained 40 pounds in 6 months.

* his pants must not fit because he's washed them before (even the new ones that he recently purchased)

We've been together 5 years and one of the things we have talked about is if the other is gaining weight and getting fat we have the right to tell them without the other getting upset. When I brought this up recently his response was that when he weighs 250 pounds he's fat and then I can tell him and bring this up again.

I really don't know how to deal with this. I understand people changed over time as we grow old and we will never look like we did when we were 20, but I don't think gaining 40 pounds in 6 months is normal.

This whole situation is making me really uncomfortable. I feel like since I've been shut down so many times before that he's pretty set in stone and won't listen to me. I've told him all of this before several times. I've even asked him to come to the gym with me and he declines. I'm so scared he's just going to keep gaining weight and get huge.

His BMI is 26.4 and it was 21.7 six months ago.

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[Thinspo] Beautiful "Healthy" Thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 14 06:54:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u0b51/beautiful_healthy_thinspo/
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https://imgur.com/a/dwIAZ

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[Thinspo] Gorgeous Thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 14 06:53:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u0azq/gorgeous_thinspo/
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https://imgur.com/a/dwIAZ

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[Rant/Rave] its so simple for my him... 5'4| CW:141lbs|GW:125lbs|-40
/u/roxannehasrabies
Created: Tue Feb 14 06:03:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5u02hc/its_so_simple_for_my_him_54_cw141lbsgw125lbs40/
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It feels like eating has never been a challenge for my fiance, hes 26yrs older than me and spent most of his life very thin. he had a little extra weight on him when we met, but once i started losing a bit of weight n eating smaller portions, its like weight just fell off of him naturally w/o any effort. Ive been a vegetarian since late summer of last year and he still eats meat, but only once or twice a week, for the sake of wanting to cook the same dinner for the both of us. Whenever i complain about stuffing my face, he tells me "no ones ever gained weight from eating normal" WHAT IS THIS "EATING NORMAL"? If he wants to snack on chips n salsa, he simply skips lunch. If he wants to polish off a whole stack of saltines, he goes for it. If he wants a rocky road milkshake, he'll have one. Every night he has one! and never wakes up feeling like a disgusting or disappointed. He seriously couldn't give less of a shit about how much he weighs, weight loss or not. When i moved in the only scale he had was collecting dust in the basement and hadnt been used in years lol.

I envy his ability to know when hes full n not feel the need to clear his plate. Its not some crazy mystery why hes like this, i know. Hes just not a fat POS like me, has never sneaked food just bc no one was home or calculated how much of his paycheck could be wasted on delivery. Being w him has given me a much healthier relationship with food, though i wish i didn't have a relationship with food at all!

He doesn't realize how important restricting is to healing all the damage I've done too my body. He will legitimately get angry with me if he sees that ive skipped a meal or am tracking my calories. He'll thank me on our wedding day when hes looking at a beautiful, tight bride and not some fat soccer mom looking, hermit.

Does anyone else have an SO whose never had to give two shits a/b one bite?

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A February 14, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Feb 14 05:08:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tzubs/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_february_14_2017/
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Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 14, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Feb 14 05:08:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tzub8/daily_food_diary_february_14_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for February 14, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Help] I can't stop eating
/u/Sadandverylonely
Created: Tue Feb 14 03:27:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tzh3m/i_cant_stop_eating/
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[removed]

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[Other] Study finds that long term calorie restriction promotes cellular fitness, which in turn may lead to increased longevity (x-post from /r/science)
/u/damnthesethighs
Created: Mon Feb 13 23:52:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5typsu/study_finds_that_long_term_calorie_restriction/
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http://www.mcponline.org/content/11/12/1801.abstract?sid=dc837bc4-42d7-4d64-9cf7-f26c3d2247a3

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[Intro] Went through 2 months of supervised recovery, had a shit breakup, and now I'm back!!
/u/cheeekyslug [5'5" | - 4 | 19F ]
Created: Mon Feb 13 23:50:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5typic/went_through_2_months_of_supervised_recovery_had/
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I've been MIA since I started dating my ex. I gained 20lbs (lost 55lbs in 3 months on here) while dating him and working with a dietician, an eating disorder specialist, and 2 counselors. They said weight gain is normal as it I'm adjusting to a normal diet. I'm definitely happier about eating, however I miss the invincibility of not eating for extended periods of time, the weird high of running miles at a time, and definitely the satisfaction of wearing old jeans and having them slip off.

I was on the Peach app before and I definitely miss the updates I got from all of you... I also have been MIA from reddit in general.

How is everyone?! I love this community and I regret ever going into recovery for my ex.

I'm motivated to get back on track as I have a sorority formal towards the end of April and I'm excited as fuck because the hotel I'm picking out in San Francisco is nice as hell and I'm definitely splurging on some nice panties and the boy I'm talking to is perfect as hell (a fit and tall Marine getting his masters in Data Science!!) so I'm bringing him along. I'm keto adapted so I'm going to drink tea all week as I'm not longer hungry. I'm stoked to be on here and to see everyone's progress on here!

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[Rant/Rave] Fuck fries
/u/verakitty [5'4"|CW 108lbs |18.5 |-12lbs |GW 105 |UGW 99 |F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 22:21:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tyblc/fuck_fries/
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I mildly enjoyed our long day of mandatory family activities, but we just had a small disagreement over their buying me dinner after I explicitly asked them not to (some devilish In-N-Out Animal Style Fries, purchased for me at my mother's insistence). I did make sure to thank them; I love and appreciate the little things, plus everything else they do, but they completely dismissed my wishes. Now I’m sitting in my room, polluted by the aromatics of those junky, fattening fries, and I’m disproportionately upset. Though I can recognize the irrationality in my thought process, logic often bows to my emotions.


The intense physical urge to eat those fries erupted in a short-lived, yet massive internal struggle not to smash every delicious calorie into my face. Unable to stand the smell any longer, I carried the greasy bag outside, uneaten. I’m especially upset because I wanted to water fast today, but was forced to sit through a family lunch. I ate four black sesame sweets, picked at some vegetables, and at home, polished off some cheese Pringles before I was finally repulsed by my greed and stopped my consumption (not before vacuum sucking the crumbs and flavor dust, lol). My plans for today were completely ruined even before the fries fiasco! The temptation of purging even danced around my head before I quashed it— I haven’t purged in months, and don’t intend to start again. Though I’m vegetarian, my mother constantly pushes meat and more food in general onto my plate. Her suspicions are likely piqued because her sister’s daughter (my cousin) struggled with anorexia. She’s been a hawk monitoring my intake, because we spent all day together.


More deeply, I feel that my parents don't respect me, because I don't deserve their respect. Without going too into personal detail, I’m kind of a burden on my poor, aging parents. I can’t live at home anymore. They deserve better, and I crave growth into autonomy, something I can’t accomplish under their roof.
Personal heartbreak and soul-searching has lead me to sounder clarity, to the reaffirmation that at the end of the day, I have nothing. I have no one to help me. So I’ll help myself, and embody the woman I want to be by pursuing the actions that comprise the life of a successful, independent individual. I pray to my soul for strength and continued dedication to a strict regime for my health, productivity, and plans to leave this place. I want to be free. I want to be alone and live for myself. I am dying in this house.

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[Discussion] Who works in the healthcare field here?
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Mon Feb 13 22:15:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tyag9/who_works_in_the_healthcare_field_here/
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I feel like I have good advice to people but I never take my own advice... help others but can't help the self huh lol.

Who here works in the healthcare field? I'm curious.

Mobile so can't flair I'm sorry 😐

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[Rant/Rave] Having a baby face...
/u/MiaWreck
Created: Mon Feb 13 22:14:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tya98/having_a_baby_face/
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I've always had a "baby face" where my face is really circle shaped, and there's no other word for it, I'm straight up UGLY when my face is bloated form vomitting or just in general if I don't restrict. Literally I lose weight in my face last and I gain it there immediately. And also my neck. I always wanted a graceful neck, and it just looks so short and stocky and fucking ugly.

The only time where my face has looked nice was when I was using fucking meth. Like it took meth for me to be considered pretty-that's how ugly I am. I can't stand any pictures that are taken of me. Like my cheeks stick out where it meets my chin, and I'm just fucking ugly. When I'm restricting or on Adderall or doing meth, people consider me an 8/10 and now just from my face being so fucking fat, I'm a 5/10 at best. I'm just so fucking disgusted with myself, and the worst thing is that I won't restrict, I'll cheat. It's not even really about my face but about my self-esteem that the only time I feel like I'm worthy and feel like I'm a person is when I restrict or when drugs artificially give me confidence.

I go o so much therapy, see so many counsellors, psychiatrists... Fucking save me please. I don't want to do meth again. I don't want to die an addict, and I don't want to die bulimic. I don't fucking want to die in the bathroom from purging or shooting up.

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[Discussion] I wish there was a daily offtopic discussion thread
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 13 21:51:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ty6f7/i_wish_there_was_a_daily_offtopic_discussion/
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[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Feb 13 21:46:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ty5fv/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/c968ab0180dd41c0986eebddc6fa8728?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=d94d7cdfad8a740267ffd69aae39a7bd

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[Rant/Rave] I need to vent about a lot of stuff, so please bear with me.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 21:27:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ty21a/i_need_to_vent_about_a_lot_of_stuff_so_please/
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I'm so tired. I'm so tired of thinking of food all the damn time. I'm so tired of feeling AFRAID of food. I'm tired of everything about my ED... except losing weight.

I actually have felt the most calm about eating during the last 3 days than I've felt in the past year because, after a LONG period of trial and error, I finally found a schedule of taking my meds that makes my appetite manageable.

But I still wish it were better.

I wish every meal didn't feel like a battle. I wish food and weight didn't take up so much of thinking. I don't want this **anymore**... even though I still want control.

I wish I could control my disorder. But I guess that's why it's called a *dis*-order.

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[Rant/Rave] I binge because I was going to die (tw)
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | 104 | 19.0 | Ugw: 85 |19f]
Created: Mon Feb 13 20:58:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5txwka/i_binge_because_i_was_going_to_die_tw/
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I think I broke today, I don't know. I just really wanted to die, and when I thought about it I realized I should. My house was empty so I figured I could. But I decided to binge first, might as well. I don't think I was actually going to do it but I liked the feeling of direction I had. But when I finished binging I looked at myself and realized... fuck.... I can't die overweight. Then I'll absolutely be a failure. I think it's just a subconscious excuse to not die, but I also got a little more motivated to never eat again. I'm just tired and a drag and I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Sorry for ranting

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[Discussion] What are some thinspo instagrams that you follow?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 13 20:28:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5txr01/what_are_some_thinspo_instagrams_that_you_follow/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] I'm so weird... I WANT to go to the hospital
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 108.6 | 19.9 | -7 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Feb 13 19:11:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5txcp5/im_so_weird_i_want_to_go_to_the_hospital/
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I'm going to be painfully honest and tell you that I want to end up in the anorexia unit of my local mental hospital. I want it more than anything.

To spend 3-6 months basically living there like it's a self-love boarding school, hanging out with thin girls, swapping tips, and most of all, seeing all these girls so much thinner than me and thinking, *I deserve to be here. I am thin, too*. Even the food wouldn't be so bad. I could finally eat all those fear foods and binge foods because if I'm so tiny that doctors are scared, I must surely have finally lost enough weight to deserve to eat, right?

I watch the documentary "Thin" so much that I've memorized every line. I watch it almost every day. (If anyone else knows of other anorexia movies or documentaries or vlogs that take place in an ED ward let me know.) If I think of being in hospital, I suddenly have the strength to keep restricting. I'm *going* to complete the ABC diet come hell or high water because it's the only way I'll ever end up with real anorexia instead of the EDNOS I've had for 2 years.

The only thing that makes me almost want to give up is the idea- the fear- that I won't be able to go to an ED ward, even with anorexia. I'm on my dad's insurance and I have no idea if it covers long-term mental health hospital stays. And, I mean, it's not like I can just call them and ask. *"Oh I'm planning on having anorexia two months from now, do you cover that?"* Even if my dad's insurance did cover it, I might not be on it next year, so who knows? I'd hate myself for the rest of my life if my parents took out a second mortgage or cut their retirement savings in half to put their 23-year-old daughter in the ED ward where she wants to be.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only person in the world that wants to go to hospital, but it's my Valhalla after a long battle. It is the tangible sign that I've done enough, that my work has paid off, that I'm finally worthy of calling myself thin and beautiful, that it's finally okay to eat. Is there anyone out there who feels this way? I feel quite alone in this.

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[Rant/Rave] I fucked up real bad. Purging.
/u/adrestiaiscoming [5'9"| GW 110 | -11| F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 18:42:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tx78o/i_fucked_up_real_bad_purging/
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Fuck. So I used to be horrifically bulimic before I swung into full-on anorexia. Recently I decided I couldn't bear to not lose more weight so I kicked up my restricting and exercise a notch and it has been working wonders. But today I wasn't hungry all day and it freaked me out because I don't want to swing back to total anorexia either because I already fucked up my body horribly from being anorexic for years and years.

So for dinner I made myself a medium sized spinach salad with oil and vinegar and some baked chicken breast. Nothing bad at all.

But I felt SO FULL you guys. Instant regret. Now, being the "professional" that I am I know there is no way I'm going to purge chicken and crunchy veggies. So what does my dumb ass do? Lightbulb went on. Did my go-to purging "trick" which I won't share for obvious reasons but it always "works" when I'm in a panic. Then I figured if I was planning to purge anyway I may as well have a treat so I had a small bowl of vanilla ice cream.

Fifteen minutes later, I got pretty much everything out (weighed before and after), chugged water, and took a couple bites of banana for potassium.

I promised myself I wouldn't do this but it was like....robotic. It reminded me of the first time I really acknowledged I had a purging problem in college. I walked past the bathroom and just seeing the toilet made me gag. I'm really afraid to go down this path again. Like. Really, intensely, afraid. And now it's in my mind how easy that was and how I could purge my one small meal a day and basically get away with eating nothing (I never want to eat all day after purging). I'm really freaked out, y'all.

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[Rant/Rave] I cannot make myself throw up
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 18:26:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tx448/i_cannot_make_myself_throw_up/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Does anyone on here take fitness classes?
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Mon Feb 13 18:01:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5twz56/does_anyone_on_here_take_fitness_classes/
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Can't flair on mobile :(

I just signed up for a once weekly fitness class. I restrict and fast a lot.
What do you do on class days to make sure you feel okay/strong/energetic?
I'd like to stay low cal still but having energy and stamina on these days is more important to me.
If it helps, I'm vegetarian :)
Thank you!

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[Tip] My Guide to Post-Binge Self-Care (Long!)
/u/the-mortyest-morty [5'3 | CW: 122.0| BMI: 21.6 | -22 | GW: 105 | 25F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 17:29:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5twsd4/my_guide_to_postbinge_selfcare_long/
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So you fucked up. You went out and got drunk, and ended up eating a ton of greasy bar food. You had a bad day with anxiety, and binged on all the desserts in the entire house. You were bored, so you polished off an entire family-size box of pizza bagels. We’ve all been there.

And then you wake up the next day. You feel tired, bloated, fat. Maybe hungover. Maybe guilty for eating, or guilty for being unable to fully purge. The depression leads to you sitting around doing nothing all day, or worse - bingeing again.

What to do? Here’s what:

**Part One:** Poop! But no laxatives. Ok, *almost* no laxatives. Laxatives suck. They give you awful cramps, you spend half the day on the toilet, you feel absolutely gross, and they generally don’t affect the amount of calories you absorb. Of course, you want to get that food out regardless, I get it. Instead of swallowing a ton of laxatives, try starting a regimen of daily probiotic supplements for your digestive tract. These are the same probiotics in stuff like Activia yogurt, but you can get them in pill form so no added calories. Find them in the laxative aisle at your local drugstore. Take ONE (only one) EVERY day whether you’re bingeing, restricting, or in between. Again, not a quick fix, but if you stay on them, you’ll naturally take a massive shit after bingeing instead of having to force it out with harsh laxatives. This makes going to the bathroom so much easier. Despite barely eating anything, I have a BM every single morning, which is great for morning weigh-ins.

Now, you’ve got the probiotics but you’re still full of food. For a quicker-acting solution, add Miralax. This is a stool softener that causes your stool to absorb water from your intestines, making it softer. Thus you go more often and there is no pain from hard stools. This can also be incorporated into your diet on a regular basis to keep you, well, regular. It dissolves totally in any drink and is nearly tasteless, even in water.

Finally, taking a Midol will cause you to lose water weight(diuretic), have more energy to work off those calories (caffeine, which is also a natural laxative), and keep sore muscles and abdominal cramps at bay. It’s not just for that time of the month, ladies!

**Part Two:** Burn! Okay now that the gross part is over, it’s time for the hard part - exercise. You’re all bloaty and tired and gross feeling, I know, but the best remedy for this is to BURN those calories you ate the night before. Ease yourself into it - if you go straight into jogging while you’re still full, you’re gonna get a stitch in your side and wanna puke.

What I do is start with gentle stretching/beginner yoga postures. Downward dog, Warrior 1 & 2, Cobra, Child’s Pose, etc. Nothing crazy. Just get those arms and legs and back stretched out. Then, once I’m warmed up, I take my dog on a 45-min walk. Keep a brisk pace, and use your dog/walking buddy/Pokémon Go/iPod to distract you if you’re feeling bored or uncomfortable. I personally enjoy walking but you may not.

Finally, I do some real cardio. This part is important. I do at least 30 mins of Just Dance in Sweat Mode. You can do that, or 30 mins of jogging, P90x, Jazzercise, jumping jacks, what-the-fuck-ever…just get your heart pumping for 30 mins. This will also help get your bowels going and it’ll undo some of the damage from last night. And now, the fun part…

**Part Three:** Food! After all that exercise, eat something small and protein-rich. I favor a serving (or half of one) of Kashi Go-Lean Crunch in Honey Almond Flax, with unsweetened almond milk. Flaxseed is a great laxative as well. A small meal after all that working out will help to push last night’s food out of you. Also make sure to drink LOTS of water while eating and working out. This makes stools softer and easier to pass.

**Part Four:** Purge! Not literally - I’m talking about purging all the crap in your pantry. Remember what your trigger foods are and throw them the fuck away. Whatever you binged on last night, throw away whatever is left, or is similar to that food. Replace them with healthy alternatives so that if you DO binge, it’s on dried fruit and hummus with veggies instead of an entire frozen pizza or whatever. Next time your willpower takes a hit, the damage won’t be as devastating.

**Part Five:** Self-care! This is the MOST important step. You need to talk it out. Figure out what triggered the binge and how you can avoid it in the future, or better manage your reaction. Talk to your therapist about the binge, or a trusted friend/family member, or one of us here on /r/proED. Or even just write in your diary. You’ve gotten all the food out of your body, but now you need to get it out of your head. Confess your sins. You’ll feel a lot better.

**Part Six:** Self-Love! Reward yourself for all the hard work. Do something that makes you feel pretty. It can be as simple as applying a mint julep mask to your face, or as extravagant as blowing your tax return on those sexy Louboutins you’ve been eyeing for months.

Some other good ideas are:

* Taking a bubble bath with a yummy bath bomb from LUSH.

* Seeing a movie with a friend or SO. If you want to avoid food temptation, do it at home instead of going to the theater.
* Giving yourself a sweet at-home manicure, or shelling out the cash for the real deal at a salon.
* Getting a haircut, or touching-up your dye job. Maybe even try a new color - new you, new hair!
* Cleaning up your room, reorganizing your clothes, or redecorating.
* Buying some new makeup, or trying a new style you’ve never done before.
* Adult coloring books, meditation, and/or yoga - this really helps me ‘center’ myself and get back to feeling normal after a binge.

Just some ideas. Sorry I’ve been posting so much - if I’m posting too frequently, feel free to ask the mods to take it down. I’m a total loudmouth and I know it can be annoying. I just wanted to post this guide that’s been sitting in my textedit files, since you guys liked my stoner guide earlier and I hear SO many of you talking about swallowing a mouthful of laxatives and spending the day curled up in pain on the toilet. It doesn’t have to be this way, y’all! I poop twice a day from these probiotics whether I eat or not lol. I used to binge a LOT but since incorporating these methods into my life, my bingeing has become a once-in-a-blue-moon type of thing. You can do it!

Feel free to add any tips or tricks you guys like to use, and as always, all of you are welcome to PM me for any reason.

XOXO,

C

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[Rant/Rave] My husband only weighs 15-20lbs more than me... well... shit anyway.
/u/thisthingagain [5'3 | 125.6| 22.76 | 19 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 17:15:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5twpdk/my_husband_only_weighs_1520lbs_more_than_me_well/
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I'm 5'3 and have been hovering between 125-128 for a few months. I have no discipline, I'm disgusting, getting back into it, yadda, yadda, yadda. My husband is 5'10. We went to the doctor the other day, he stepped on the scale: 147lbs. I was 145 in September. Holy shit. I didn't realize we were so close in weight! I thought I was going to puke.

This feeling is horrible. I can't stand that we're so close in weight. All I want to do is feed, and feed, and *feed* him. Which I know isn't fair to him (no, he has no eating issues. He's a healthy person in general, which is wonderful!). And starve myself. No more "doing it slowly," so no one realizes that I'm relapsing, I'm ready to dive back in so I can shed this disgusting fat off.

Backstory: The guys in my family are all tall gym rats-- my dad is 6'3 and 220, brother is 6'4 240. Both are muscle-ridden gym-rat types who have classic american good looks I don't really dig the big brawny look in men because it reminds me too much of the men in my family, hence my super sexy svelte lanky husband. He has like, that slender-cowboy-strength which is super attractive to me. But, like, knowing there's 120lbs between my brother and his wife (and 80lbs between my mom and dad) is hugely frustrating because my husband and I will *never* be 100lbs apart. Hell, 50lbs apart would be a feat if he doesn't gain. And he likes thicker women, so if I did manage to make it below 100 again he would find me unattractive, which would be an entirely different problem.

I guess this is just me feeling sad. And fat. And completely unattractive.
Boooooo.

This is me, venting, and getting my shit back together. <3.

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[Help] Vday bloat prevention
/u/AriesXO [5'6 | 133 | 21.76 | -35 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 15:21:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tw14i/vday_bloat_prevention/
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So tomorrow is valentine's day. My boyfriend of 2 years and I are going out to dinner. Which will be our first time. Ever!!
He's never pushed the subject and we kind of just ignored it all the time. So today he messages me and says Dinner reservations tomorrow at 8:45. EEEKKKK.
So the last thing I want is to be the weird eating disordered woman who is letting a meal replace sexy time with the boyfriend. So my question is...Is anything I can do before dinner to help prevent bloating?

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[Discussion] Anyone else lose weight yet never feel like the have?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 14:41:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tvrll/anyone_else_lose_weight_yet_never_feel_like_the/
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No matter how much weight I lose I never feel like I can see it or feel it. It's the most discouraging thing. I swear the scale could read 100 lb and I'd still look just as huge as I ever did :(

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[Rant/Rave] Ballet class tomorrow, freaking out
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | Afraid to weigh myself but maybe ~126 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 13:39:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tvdk7/ballet_class_tomorrow_freaking_out/
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(On mobile so no flair, sorry)

I haven't taken ballet in like six months, and I'm kind of panicking about having to put on a leotard and tights and stand in front of a mirror with a bunch of girls who have been doing this forever. I've definitely gained weight from the last time I danced and it gets in the way when I stretch which *really* triggers feelings of hating myself. My thighs are the size of China and I'm gonna have to stare at them for an hour.

Plus, I've been restricting since the beginning of this week and I'm afraid I'll be dizzy or weak. But I really want to get back into ballet because it kept me so before! I'm just really nervous.

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[Thinspo] [TW: Self-harm] Couldn't stop myself between classes and noticed my thighs are allmmoosstt thin enough to be considered thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 13 13:37:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tvd46/tw_selfharm_couldnt_stop_myself_between_classes/
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http://imgur.com/a/Kw3wZ

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[Tip] Fast Safe Foods
/u/puddleclub [5'8" | cw: 180.8 | gw: 130 | bmi: 27.07 | -6.9 | f]
Created: Mon Feb 13 11:59:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tur0w/fast_safe_foods/
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i'm on my 12th hour of fasting (striving for 40) and i was wondering what are your foods that you'll allow yourself to have if you're feeling faint? all i can think of is broth.

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[Thinspo] Collarbone and neck progress!!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 13 10:31:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tu765/collarbone_and_neck_progress/
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http://i.imgur.com/ENCFYJN.jpg

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[Help] Unable to binge and panicking
/u/strugglecity1
Created: Mon Feb 13 10:27:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tu6dz/unable_to_binge_and_panicking/
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*Sorry, meant unable to purge.

I have been restricting and losing fairly easily. I got down to a new low weight this morning and for some reason my brain just short circuited and I went on a mega binge. But I wasn't even able to purge. I did manage a tiny bit, but I'm up 2kg from this morning and becoming consumed with disappointment. I'm worried I'll completely back track now. Has this happened to you and how did you deal? Did I ruin everything?

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Cheap protein source
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 13 09:42:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ttvwp/cheap_protein_source/
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[deleted]

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[Tip] Any stoners with an ED?
/u/the-mortyest-morty [5'3 | CW: 122.0| BMI: 21.6 | -22 | GW: 105 | 25F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 09:32:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tttqk/any_stoners_with_an_ed/
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So, I'm lucky enough that, despite living in a state where MJ is illegal, I have a great doctor who supports my use of it and doesn't "count" the weed when I go in for a drug test. I use it for anxiety and since I'm in recovery from heroin, he agreed that a natural anxiety-killer is better for me than taking fuck-tons of Xanax or whatever.

So yay, weed! Except...it makes you fucking hungry. I remember years ago when I first met my fiancé in college. We were smoking a blunt in his car and he looked at me and said, "I think it's really cool that you take care of yourself. A lot of girls start smoking weed and get really big, but you're tiny." That comment has stuck with me for years, plus I ended up engaged to the guy lol. He's right though - weed can really lead to weight gain. But you can also be a "skinny stoner" and here's how I do it:

1. Never ever EVER smoke on an empty stomach. You will eat the entire kitchen. Don't do it.
2. Instead, eat something small. I have half a serving of Kashi Go-Lean Crunch in Honey Almond Flax, and a biiiiig glass of cold water or warm coffee. THEN I smoke. When the water hits the cereal in my stomach, the cereal absorbs it and expands, so I feel really full. This is the best time to smoke that won't end in disaster. The coffee helps me from becoming glued to the couch.

2. Don't smoke before you exercise. You'll end up glued to the couch. Instead, exercise first, while drinking shit-tons of water. When you're done, drink more water and have a small meal. Even an apple or something, just enough to trick the munchies from coming on. THEN get your smoke on. You won't get hungry and you won't have to feel bad about sitting on the couch because you already worked out.

4. Stick to sativa. Indica strains are good if you're having trouble sleeping at night, but during the day it's basically couch-glue. You'll feel like doing nothing. Smoking sativa gives you more of a "clean the house" high and you'll be way less likely to sit there watching TV and mindlessly munching.

*EDIT*: #5. I totally forgot - if you feel like you're gonna binge after smoking, take a nap instead! It's good for you and definitely a better use of your time than stuffing your face lol.

It's all about using weed as a reward for good food behavior. Hope this helps!

So, any other eating-disordered stoners on here?

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[Discussion] DAE dress super nice when they feel "thin" but dress like a slob when they feel "fat"?
/u/artgonaut [5'1 | 104.4 | 19.9 | +25 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 09:25:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ttsaq/dae_dress_super_nice_when_they_feel_thin_but/
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Preface: Damn, I love this sub. You guys are a wonderful community that I'm so glad exists :)

Yeah, so on post-binge days I dress in head-to-toe sweats, absolutely zero effort. I know there are some people out there that try to wear skintight clothing in order to trigger that restricting cycle, but I just hate myself so much to the point where I can't put on anything that gives me shape, much less looks "nice".

But on days that I feel super light and empty, I just want to go all out and dress nice, because if I feel good inside, I want to look good on the outside, too. So I take a shower, comb my hair, pick out a nice outfit. Walk out the door with an oddly confident stride, a tall cup of coffee in one hand. Often, I don't eat for the rest of the day. It's great, but rare.

I told my closest friend that you can tell the severity of my depression based on the fashionableness of my clothes :)

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[Rant/Rave] I miss being able to go into clothing stores and just trying on the smallest size available.
/u/artgonaut [5'1 | 104.4 | 19.9 | +25 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 09:11:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ttp6w/i_miss_being_able_to_go_into_clothing_stores_and/
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When my BMI was in the 15s, I didn't even have to think about what size top/bottom I was, I'd just find the smallest possible size the store carried and I'd try it on; a lot of the time it was too large, even. I'd sometimes have to venture into the children's section to find clothing that wouldn't slip off my waist.

I've gained between 25-30 pounds since then, so my weight's obviously back in a normal range, but I seriously miss being being able to waltz into a store and not have to worry about what'll fit me. What's ironic, though, is that *more* things fit me now, now that I have a normal BMI. When you're a size 000 most stores (esp in the US) won't carry your size.

But still, reaching for that XXS and then realizing you're not that small anymore makes me want to cry every time.

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[Discussion] My "stealth" fitness moves. What are yours? [Flair discussion]
/u/almostwispy
Created: Mon Feb 13 05:50:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tsoj1/my_stealth_fitness_moves_what_are_yours_flair/
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I've been doing these for most of my adult life and wanted to share bc who doesn't love to build and maintain muscle, right? Also curious to hear what others do.

These are things you can do literally anywhere without anyone knowing you're doing it.

For stomach: my mom told me when I was young she'd never done a crunch in her life. She just sucked her stomach in when she was waiting in line at the store, waiting for a bus, etc. I've been doing it for years and I've got rock solid abs. It's basically activating the muscles you'd use in a plank. Suck your stomach inward toward your spine while squeezing the muscles together toward your belly button and hold for 30 sec or so. Repeat until muscles are tired (or you get bored lol).

For legs: plant your legs slightly wider than hip width apart. Hard to describe what comes next but you basically tighten your thighs and push out and down. Like you're trying to hold something aside with your thigh and also trying to drive your foot into the ground.

If anyone has some good upper arm moves to share, please do.

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! February 13, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Feb 13 05:13:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tsj9i/weekly_stats_update_february_13_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for February 13, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

Daily Food Diary! February 13, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Feb 13 05:13:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tsj8z/daily_food_diary_february_13_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 13, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Thinspo] POC/Black Thinspo - (this woman is gorgeous)
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 13 04:06:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tsat5/pocblack_thinspo_this_woman_is_gorgeous/
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https://imgur.com/a/2NDsN

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[Rant/Rave] I feel really alone
/u/forgetyoumusteat
Created: Mon Feb 13 02:19:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tryw3/i_feel_really_alone/
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Sorry that this doesn't really belong here (not ED related but i love this sub and no one replies on other mental health subs).

I'm starting university in a week and that means I'll have to come out of my shell that I've been in the past three months. I have been so lonely for the past two years :( I lost a dear friend (I ghosted her after we fell out/I moved schools) and I texted her after 1+ years and she hasn't replied. My other only acquaintance hasn't replied either. I feel so sad and alone, feeling like I've missed out a lot, I've disconnected from every thing (what's the point in trying to go out with people when I feel inferior 100% of the time).

My life needs to progress but I'm stuck daily in my own thoughts, I really want friends that I like to support me, I feel like having good friends really helps mental illness and I have no support :( and I'm going to be moving into my own apartment and away from my cats and I'll be even more alone. I never asked to feel all of these negative feelings (inferiority, envy, shame, hopelessness..)

I don't even know who I am, I have no one to tell me whether I am good or bad, I feel like I've lost what I never had

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[Discussion] The reddit keto diet?
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|GW:120 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 12 22:30:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tr6th/the_reddit_keto_diet/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Just a sadness rant
/u/7_of_cups [5'4 | CW 102 | GW 95 | 17.85 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 12 22:21:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tr5jp/just_a_sadness_rant/
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I'm doing so poorly. A few weeks ago I was down to 97 and had some happily distracting things in my social life and was almost feeling pretty good about my body.

I had a super crummy instance of rejection, and everything comes crumbling down. That, and, my body and brain just revolted, and I've been binging and purging uncontrollably. 97 was my LW, it sounds like an excuse but I guess my hunger cues kicked in and combined with the emotional setback I just dove headlong into the b/p.

I also self-injured for the first time in years, so I feel stupid for that.

I feel so out of control with the b/p. I'm 103 lbs and I hate how I'm looking so so so much. But I still can't seem to get a handle on things. I'm also back to being actively heartbroken about my last relationship. I was able to push it back a little bit, but that's also been undone. I don't know how to get back on top. I feel like a failure and a sham, almost, for having gained so much weight and having lost all self control.

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[Intro] Intro (sorry lol)
/u/ughmanda [5'3.5 | 120 | 20.9 | 60 lbs | 19F]
Created: Sun Feb 12 21:41:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tqyn2/intro_sorry_lol/
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Hey, guys! I've made one post here before but I figured I'll officially introduce myself. I've essentially had disordered eating my entire life. Growing up, my mom and other role models in my life were constantly on diets. Not healthy, balanced diets but unnecessarily expensive and high-maintenance diets like Jenny Craig. As a result, I guess I assumed it was impossible to lose weight without simultaneously being held accountable by some sort of corporation.

I always hated my body. I remember being in first grade and comparing my fat stomach with my classmates' flat ones. Back then I wasn't actually overweight, but the more I worried about my weight the more it seemed to pile on. I struggled with self injury my last two years of high school and into my first year of college. I realized the reason I was so depressed was because of my weight, which by that time had climbed to 180 pounds. Not healthy at all for a short teenage girl.

It started with just eating whole foods and doing yoga. Quickly it progressed to skipping meals and, not long after, purging what meals I did eat. It was fine for awhile but as I got smaller it became more and more difficult to sustain that level of deprivation. That's when I got caught up into full-blown binging and purging. In case you're wondering, bulimia fucking sucks.

At the moment I'm attempting to quit binging and purging and theoretically shift my eating disorder from one of indulgence to one of pure restricting. Thanks to this sub, I've discovered EC stacking and that has definitely been helpful with weening myself off of the b/p cycle I was stuck on. Anyways, thanks for reading if you did. I'll probably be posting on here more often now that I got this damn intro out of the way!

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[Discussion] For those of you underweight without an AN diagnosis, how did you get there?
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 12 21:01:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tqryf/for_those_of_you_underweight_without_an_an/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Stomach shrinking
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 12 20:33:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tqn9i/rantrave_stomach_shrinking/
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[deleted]

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] "I can't wait to start maintaining," she said, "it'll be so much easier than a deficit," she said
/u/-kaneki-ken- [5'7" | mooing loudly | 19.51 | 23F]
Created: Sun Feb 12 19:21:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tqanp/i_cant_wait_to_start_maintaining_she_said_itll_be/
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http://imgur.com/QxakyTB

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[Rant/Rave] I don't feel well
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 108.6 | 19.9 | -7 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Sun Feb 12 19:11:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tq8zu/i_dont_feel_well/
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I tried to take my Prozac on an empty stomach. I'm trying the ABC diet. It was not a good idea. I took the medicine 7 hours ago and I'm still weak, shaky, and nauseous, so much worse than I was yesterday. Ugh. Help. Someone hold me.

I gotta get through this. 50 days. Just 48 days left. God help me.

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[Goal] After binging for the last 3 days, this has motivated me to start restricting again
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 12 18:55:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tq60d/after_binging_for_the_last_3_days_this_has/
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http://i.imgur.com/QVheDLC.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] My mom: "Buy a size up for when you gain the weight back."
/u/greenso [5'11" | 136.5 | -43 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Feb 12 18:23:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tq06n/my_mom_buy_a_size_up_for_when_you_gain_the_weight/
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It's kind of a pointless post but I'm like so over this shit. I don't really even know what to say. She's said this a couple of other times before as well. Nothing stops me in my tracks from eating than remembering this crap. Like she'll *insist* I buy a size up in stores.

Me: These jeans are literally falling off my ass.

My mom: Well, use a belt until you gain the weight back.

What a vote of confidence! Anyone else have parents/people say shit like this?

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[Intro] Just a Canadian girl in the prairies
/u/shiver23 [5'5.5 | CW: 135 lbs l UGW: 120><105 lbs l -15 lbs | 25F]
Created: Sun Feb 12 17:57:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tpux3/just_a_canadian_girl_in_the_prairies/
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Hello all you lovely people!


I have been lurking around here for a while & I just want to say I find you all super friendly & awesome.


Why I'm here:
Five years ago I was at my lowest weight as an adult (110 - 115 lbs). I didn't have a scale, I just had a better idea of what to eat & when. Some of you have mentioned how you're treated differently when you are skinny, and that was certainly my experience. A modelling agency contacted me and wanted me to model for them. Due to my lack of money to pursue that road (I needed to pay for head shots & a profile, etc) I didn't go that way, but it was certainly a boost to my self esteem.


Fast forward two years, and I got an Mirena IUD for BC. I suddenly was ravenous & couldn't control my appetite. My plate is never empty at the end of a meal, and suddenly I was going for seconds...


I didn't realize the full effect of my IUD until this past November (2016) when I hit 149 pounds! I had it removed in January, and the effects have been almost immediate. My appetite is reduced, and I feel better somehow. I've lost ~10 pounds in less than a month.


I've also rediscovered my restriction habits. As my partner is underweight naturally (and gorgeous) it's easy to talk to them about what I'm doing. The goal is to maintain at 105 (just underweight) while toning & getting more flexible.


Method:
*Eating 400-800 calories a day while drinking water & 0 cal drinks.
*Occasional day where I forget to eat (YAY!)
*I weigh myself first thing in the morning & last thing at night.
*Tracking my progress with two apps: S Health & Libra.

*I suck at exercise but I try.

*Walking when I can (it's freaking cold outside.)

*Chores, light weight lifting, stretching, yoga, crunches.


Failures:

*Binging due to my sweet tooth (although I stay below my TDEE).

*Having three days in a row where food was shoved in my face (my birthday was February 11th so Thursday, Friday & Saturday were kind of shot, although I did try to pick low cal options when we went out to restaurants...and then they'd get me the free birthday dessert...*sigh*.

*I'm at weird 139 - 141 plateau due to my binge/restrict habits of the last week.


Goals:
*Get thin & fit.
*Reach 105 pounds
*Slip into my XS clothes again & my size 2-4 jeans (I have big hips so no size 0 for me).
*Remember what it's like to be in control of my eating, and maintain a somewhat healthy weight (I hope).


You all are so amazing & supportive & wonderful!
Thank you for being the community I need.


If you ever need to vent, feel free to message me.


Other than body dysmorphia & anorexia, I also deal with major depression, anxiety, PTSD, & DID.

Meds: Effexor 150 mg, Lamotragin 50 mg x 2.

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I need tips on food that speed your metabolism [help]
/u/nairoline
Created: Sun Feb 12 17:53:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tpu1g/i_need_tips_on_food_that_speed_your_metabolism/
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[removed]

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[Other] Americans, is most of your country actually overweight?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 12 17:40:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tpr9g/americans_is_most_of_your_country_actually/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) I thought I was doing so well.... :(
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 🐷 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 12 17:39:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tpqv0/rant_i_thought_i_was_doing_so_well/
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Can't flair, on mobile.

I don't have a scale at uni so I have been guessing my weight in the mirror for 1 month. Been trying to lose all the Christmas fat, been restricting and going to the gym, eating better.

I just came home 2 days ago, weighed myself and I'VE GAINED 2KG?! How's that possible? How is it possible that I weigh 2-3kg more that when I was binging during Christmas?!! Running and working out makes you gain weight?!?

I can't face weighing myself again.

What's more, when I got home and looked in the mirror, I realised just how much my full length mirror at uni has been deceiving me. It makes me look skinnier than real life. So that's great.... :(

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[Help] How safe is it to take an EC stack every day?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 12 17:13:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tpky4/how_safe_is_it_to_take_an_ec_stack_every_day/
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[deleted]

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Intro (on mobile and can't flair, sorry!)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 12 17:13:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tpku5/intro_on_mobile_and_cant_flair_sorry/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Chocolate: a Bulimic's worst enemy. [rant]
/u/syntheticseasalt
Created: Sun Feb 12 17:08:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tpjlc/chocolate_a_bulimics_worst_enemy_rant/
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What the hell guys, why is it impossible to get chocolate to come up? It's such perfect binge food: high calorie, delicious, addictive, and easy to eat. But if you were planning on purging, kiss your dreams goodbye, apparently.
(DAE??)

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Safe olive garden foods???
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 12 16:15:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tp6b9/safe_olive_garden_foods/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] |Rant| what is wrong with me
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |143.8|-76lbs|GW: 110|19A]
Created: Sun Feb 12 15:40:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5toxdj/rant_what_is_wrong_with_me/
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I was planning to walk to the library to give my parents some space and pick up a few cookbooks/lol/. I laced up an old pair of steel toed boots and checked my reflection in the mirror to make sure I wasn't disheveled. What a mistake. A piece of my calf fat was being squeezed out of the top of the boot like a plump sausage trying to escape it's casing. I almost burst into tears in front of my mom, I mentioned it to her even though I know everyone is sick of me making comments about my body. I just can't believe how big I still look. I've lost seventy fucking pounds and i still feel like a blobfish. I'm swimming in my clothes and I still look obese. I ended up staying home, of course.

/I feel obligated to mention that I don't have a diagnosed eating disorder but have been struggling with mental illness my whole life. I know the thoughts and feelings I'm having towards food and myself recently are unhealthy and I don't have anyone to talk to about them so I hope that it's okay to post here...

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[Rant/Rave] Bingeing turns me into a sloth
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 12 15:27:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tou2j/bingeing_turns_me_into_a_sloth/
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Rant - mobile can't flair

I become a different person when I get stuck in a binge cycle. I try so hard to be absolutely perfect: I try to study all the time to get perfect grades, to restrict my food intake, to have the perfect types of food in my house, etc. But once I break and start bingeing I become my worst enemy. I have no motivation to study for the rest of the day. Also, what weirds me out is that when I feel how big my stomach gets after a binge, it only prompts me to eat more!!! That makes no sense!! Anyway, sorry for the long rant. I'm sitting here with a quiz tomorrow, hardly any studying done today, and a stomach full of food (I'm on accutane so I don't want to purge). Ugh I feel and look like a disaster.

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[Help] How to buy clothes when you hate yourself?
/u/planningfallacy_
Created: Sun Feb 12 14:01:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5to6fs/how_to_buy_clothes_when_you_hate_yourself/
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I am in desperate need of clothes. I recently moved and in the process lost some of my favorite clothes. In the past month or two I've also gained five pounds and have fallen into a depressive state. My remaining clothes are a little too tight on me, and the few articles I have I cycle through way too quickly. I need to go shopping and buy new jeans, but I'm a pear shape and all of my fat is stored on my hips and thighs. I am not sure I can go shopping without having a breakdown at how fat I am. Any advice? I might just go anyway and risk crying in the dressing room because I really, really need to get more clothes. Does anyone have any advice on how to get through this?

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BF informed me of his weight
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 12 12:02:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tnc83/bf_informed_me_of_his_weight/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Binged and ruined everything. (Rant)
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Sun Feb 12 12:01:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tnbxx/binged_and_ruined_everything_rant/
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Last night, after a week of maintaining a 700 calorie average ( a big goal for me), I binged. My total intake for the day was probably 3000 calories. I'm so upset I messed up the average and i am sitting here obsessively trying to think of ways to get it back down as fast as possible. I just like such a failure. A fat failure. Why can't I even do this right?
I plan on fasting until Monday night and that will bring me back down to around 950.
I suppose the rational thing to do would be to move on and start fresh today but fuck being rational.

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[Rant/Rave] I hate that people treat you differently depending on your weight.
/u/ilikebiting [5'7" | CW:Vile | GW: 115 (for now)| F]
Created: Sun Feb 12 11:50:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tn8vr/i_hate_that_people_treat_you_differently/
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I've been every extreme. I've been dangerously underweight and obese, and everything in-between.

My restrictions started because of my mother, who herself saw only worth in being skinny. Even though the women of my family are obviously predisposed to having (healthy) curves like bigger breasts and hips, it was not good enough for my mother. So I restricted and became dangerously underweight.

However, after a highly traumatic sexual assault, I began to find it harder to restrict as I thought to myself that if I was to gain weight I'd be "unattractive" and that sort of thing would never happen again. So I started to binge and purposely gain weight. It's been a horrific experience overall, and I battle with binging, purging and restriction.

One thing I noticed is that I am literally a ghost at my higher weights. No friends or even acquaintances. Hell, not even eye contact. It's just proved to me that your appearance matters SO MUCH. The tutors/lectures at uni don't know I exist. Even the mental health professionals I am getting help from forget my name.

It was never like this when I was extremely underweight. People still acknowledged my presence. Random strangers would talk to me. Men would pay attention to me (which is one of the reasons I feel that being "fat" protects you, as fucked up as that sounds).

It's sickening that people care so much about your weight. I hate that it is like a deciding factor about whether someone wants to know you. I know other things matter too, like your personality, etc. I have always been a social person as I hide my mental illnesses very well. But this just makes it even worse.

I know it seems obvious to be honest. OF COURSE people treat attractive people better. But I feel the disparity from my own experiences and it makes me feel that I will never be able to rest from having an eating disorder. I will always be obsessed with how I look. As much as I tried to say "i'm okay being not perfect", I know I will never believe that. I want to be thin and "acceptable" again.

At the same time, I want to scream to the people who only wanted to know me when I'm "thin and attractive" that I'll always be the fucked up fat girl inside, why isn't that good enough?

Sorry for my rant. Just a lot on my mind.

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[Help] Help: boyfriend broke up with me. Can't focus. Want to binge. Have exams. Total mess.
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 113 GW: 85 | -18 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Feb 12 11:31:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tn3q6/help_boyfriend_broke_up_with_me_cant_focus_want/
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Help! How do I stop emotional eating?! Binging is all I want but i will feel even worse afterwards

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[Rant/Rave] I'm stuck in an ED limbo!!!
/u/peanutbutteredbanana
Created: Sun Feb 12 11:28:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tn31w/im_stuck_in_an_ed_limbo/
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I'm so fucking frustrating with eating, my body and just everything in general. One day I'll restrict to 500 calories, then the next day I'll eat maintenance then the next day I'll binge. It's so fucking exhausting and I feel like absolute shit both mentally and physically. I've gained 15 pounds from my LW (90ish) and I fucking want to die. I have no self control to get back to 90 and without anorexia I am nothing (that sounds so dumb but it's true). Is anyone else out of control with their eating like I am? I feel so alone right now.

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[Discussion] DAE have kids?
/u/xxpepperbombxx [5'10" | CW: 223 | F | -23]
Created: Sun Feb 12 10:40:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tmq94/dae_have_kids/
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Sorry on mobile no flair. Is anyone else a parent here? Sometimes I feel out of place being older/having kids. I am a mom of two young kids and I find it hard to balance everything with my ED with parenting. Also, now I find that my thinspo choices have changed. I love the mom on Beverly Hills 90210. I find that I want to be a super mom. I worry about what my kids think of me because I don't want to be a fat mom. I feel like its a different ED world. I don't always feel I fit thr girls on ED boards because they are usually young or in high school.

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[Rant/Rave] I will always be obsessed with food...
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 168.2 | -24 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Sun Feb 12 10:19:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tml23/i_will_always_be_obsessed_with_food/
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I'm sure this isn't news to anyone, including me. I've always had a garbage relationship with food. Whether it be eating too much of it, or not enough-- I'm constantly (and I mean *constantly*) thinking about it.

I'm an hour or two away from completing my first real fast, 40 hours total. It wasn't hard, really. I have so much fat on my body that I could probably easily fast for another day and not feel like I'm starving. But, do you know what I did the whole time, the entire last 38 hours?

Think about food, look up pictures of food, watch gifs of food (thank you /r/GifRecipes), choose the food I'll eat once my fast is over, and so on and so on.

Having and ED, whether it's binge eating, or anorexia nervosa, will ruin your chance of living a normal life.

I can lose the weight. I can be a light, ethereal 101 lbs, barely there, sharp cheekbones and gaping thighs. I can fit into a size 0 and be able to trace my collarbones, hips, and wrists. I can live off of a mug of tea and water for 48 hours...

But I will always, *always*, **always** be obsessed with food. I'll always be asking myself if I can eat something or not, if I've eaten too much, not enough, what will my next meal be? And the one after that? Can I eat pizza, chips, cookies, pasta, anything again? Will I always be raking myself over the coals if I *did* eat it?


Starving ourselves to achieve a warped sense of perfection isn't the torture we endure.
Our lives revolving around food, energy and calories--the smallest little crumb or morsel, is the real torture.

And it will never end.

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Hell yes. That is all! Happy Sunday! 😁
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Sun Feb 12 09:52:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tmeem/hell_yes_that_is_all_happy_sunday/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/4266ca9a732a42b8ba848398c803272b?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=d7252f83a9992678c1dde45ab2eb229f

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[Intro] That feel when you put stuff on your lap and it slips through your thigh gap. Also, I'm new!
/u/the-mortyest-morty [5'3 | CW: 122.0| BMI: 21.6 | -22 | GW: 105 | 25F]
Created: Sun Feb 12 09:23:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tm7sf/that_feel_when_you_put_stuff_on_your_lap_and_it/
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Hey y'all, I'm Claire. I've had an eating disorder since 7th grade, when I starved myself down to about 85 lbs. I've gone through "recovery" a few times but it never really stuck until I was 23 and got engaged to the love of my life.

That changed everything. I was also recovering from heroin addiction at the time (still going strong there, woo!) so I felt really shitty and for the first time in my life, I just kind of sat around doing nothing and eating. And I ballooned up and dealt with all the shame that comes with not "looking" like you have an ED.

Currently I'm 25 and living with my fiancé at his MIL's house while we save up for the wedding and I get back in school. I love living here. The house is gorgeous. His siblings are awesome. It's great. but I've gotten FAT. I was 145 three months ago - the biggest I've ever been in my life. I freaked out a little, started exercising more, whatever.

And then she moved in. My brother-in-law's GF. She is perfect. 4'11. 90 lbs even. Long, beautiful, rose-gold colored hair. Lots of expensive makeup and namebrand clothing. Basically she's a walking Tumblr/Insta ~aesthetic~ blog. She is everything I want to be - oh, and 5 years younger. She's incredibly polite and kind and I really like her. It's nice having another girl in the house. But every time I look at her, I want to take a knife to my fat. I hate it so much. Its crazy that the difference in weight between us is only like, 34 lbs. It feels like I weigh 3x as much as her.

So I've been restricting like crazy and working out a shit ton. I didn't feel like I'd made any progress until I went to the doc and got weighed (no scales allowed in the house because EDs) - saw 124 and realized it wasn't all in my head...I was actually thinner.

Then last night I was sitting on a step talking to her and I sat my phone and ecig in my lap. A second later they hit the floor. Annoyed, I picked them back up and set them beside me, thinking nothing of it. I didn't realize until it happened again today that it had slipped through my thigh gap! MY thigh gap. It feels so good to type those words.

I was so excited I just had to tell someone but obvs I can't tell the fiancé because then he will be like "WTF is wrong with you??"

I wish I could talk to BIL's GF about ED stuff, but I don't want to bring it up because she is SO tiny and clearly ill and I don't want to encourage her illness when she came here to live with us to get AWAY from all that. It's be like me being forced to live with an active heroin addict - the temptation becomes too much when it's in your face all the time. I don't want to fuck up her recovery but damn I'd kill for someone to talk to about this stuff who understands.

In the meantime, we've made a date to hang out when our boys aren't home and she's gonna help my dye my hair. She suffers from extreme agoraphobia, as do I, so we're both stuck home alone a lot while our boys go experience the real world, so I figured we might as well make the most of it.

Anyway, time to go work out. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.

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[Rant/Rave] Scale inconsistencies
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 12 08:45:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tm0cb/scale_inconsistencies/
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Uggggh. I know I've seen others deal with this but it's so irritating. I move my scale a few inches and it gives me up to a three pound difference?? Okaaaaaaaaaay.

So this morning I hit a new low weight and then I moved my scale all around the bathroom for ten minutes like a dumbass to see what the difference would be.

I guess a balance beam (?) Scale would be more reliable than my digital scale so I'm going to start weighing myself at the gym for more accurate measurements.

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[Help] Leg dilemma
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 12 08:41:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tlzkv/leg_dilemma/
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[removed]

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[Help] Drinking Problem?
/u/feli0n [5'6"|109|17.66|-27|F??]
Created: Sun Feb 12 06:57:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tlixw/drinking_problem/
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HAHAHAHA SO. LET ME TELL YOU BOUT MY PREDICAMENT

I may have a teeny tiny drinking problem, and my biggest problem with that problem is that it's slowing my weight loss down. Like a lot.

Just wanted to put out there my flair is inaccurate; I haven't updated it since august, before I was hospitalized. I'm bouncing between 128-132 IM SORRY IM GROSS

Most days I eat below my BMR, I work a super active job, and I eat very few carbs. Granted, it could also be the purging (hahaha fuck me right, my mom has me over several nights a week and wants to watch me eat. Don't worry there, ma, you already got me fat) that's making me stall, but idk.

I've been in this range for the last two weeks and I actually want to die. I cannot keep looking at my body like this and then I get plastered every. Single. Night. So I don't have to look at it or think about it and I really don't know what to do any more lol

So, TL;DR: went from 109 > 141 > 128-132 and stopped losing (???) because I drink like a fish with a horrible self esteem complex!!!! I LOVE MY LIFE


If someone could flair this as [help], that would be swell. I'm sitting outside my work panicking, my apologies.

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[Rant/Rave] Sugar cravings
/u/SwedishKaiser
Created: Sun Feb 12 06:27:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tlen8/sugar_cravings/
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RANT: The weekend is usually a dark place for me because no matter how much I try I always end up letting myself go and eat 1500+ calories worth of sugar snacks and chips ONLY. This is not an exaggeration, I literally do not eat any meals just to eat cupcakes and candy bars which I avoid like the plague during weekdays and it's becoming a huge problem.

Yesterday I ate 60 grams worth of sugar....and I've already had 50 grams today and it's only 2.30pm. It makes me feel bloated and it makes me scared to death of gaining weight even though I never cross my maintenence calories and it brings my self esteem down to zero. I don't know why I do it and it makes me feel totally disgusting and I just want to feel not consumed by sugar. I'm done with today already and it feels like I'm stuck in a fucking cage.

rant over.

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[Thinspo] Attempt to summarize my experience with anorexia.
/u/IwontTryAnotherName [5'6''| 125 |19.8 | -5| f]
Created: Sun Feb 12 05:09:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tl1h1/attempt_to_summarize_my_experience_with_anorexia/
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http://imgur.com/U7Hlnhn

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Feb 12 05:08:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tl1bl/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
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Happy Sunday February 12, 2017~

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 12, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Feb 12 05:08:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tl1ay/daily_food_diary_february_12_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for February 12, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Help] Can I talk to anyone about female ADD/ADHD?
/u/notthinohno [161cm |Too Much | A Big Number | - Not Enough lbs | F]
Created: Sun Feb 12 03:52:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tkthi/can_i_talk_to_anyone_about_female_addadhd/
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Sorry, i'm just feeling overwhelmed.

I'm waiting for an appointment to get tested for adult ADD because, reading about it, everything about my life would make so much more sense if I had it - my past of drug addiction, food issues, daydreaming, mess, not being able to fulfil my academic potential...all the crap that somehow accumulates in my bag without me realising..just everything.

I'm struggling through life, my house is the worst mess you've ever seen, and I just can't get anywhere with it. I have two young children and I can just about manage to do the bare minimum for them to be looked after, but not really enough. They're fed and happy, and they have clean clothes just about, but just doing that takes up all my time and effort. I am so aware of not letting anyone know the way in which i live because i'm not one of those together, organised mothers - i know that if I let anyone know the true me they'd recoil in horror or just be bewildered or something. I am so paranoid about anyone coming to my house, because it's so awful.

I have so many desires to get on with my art and my writing, and I have opportunities presenting themselves at the moment to make something of myself, but i'm so anxious about it, if I try to start getting to work my mind just races and thinks of a hundred things at once that I should be doing, leaving me unable to do anything at all.

Most of all i'm terrified at the idea of being told I don't have ADD, and i'm actually just a lazy, disorganised mess of a person, and there's no way out. I feel like i'm on the edge about to crack, and I really need some help - but what happens if I don't get any?

I don't even know what i'm asking for here, I just have no support right now and i'm feeling pretty shit.

Update of sorts:

Ok, so...

I had the doctor's appointment today and asked for a referral for an adhd test. I could tell he seemed sceptical, but I listed all my symptoms (which is just about every symptom of the inattentive type). He said that they'll phone me in a few weeks for a preliminary appointment, then if they think i'm worth seeing, i'll have to wait for a whole fucking year for the actual test. Ha.

So I asked him if he can give me any other help now because I think i'm having some sort of nervous breakdown - my mind is so hazy, I can't function and i'm full of anxiety about every little thing - and he said that they might offer me some CBT during that appointment in a few weeks. So this is where i'm left. I took my kids out yesterday because I couldn't deal with them running round amongst the mess of my flat, and had a big freakout in the library, had to come home and curl up and leave my sick partner to deal with the children. I'm going to take the kids and stay with my parents for a few days because I just can't cope with struggling through my responsibilities anymore. I know this sounds whiney, but everything's just crashing down around me and I don't know what to do anymore.

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[Rant/Rave] Binging on keto (kinda funny actually)
/u/strawberrykittykat
Created: Sun Feb 12 02:29:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tkllk/binging_on_keto_kinda_funny_actually/
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Hi guys! I started keto last monday and well... It has been hard, easier because I'm eating tastier food while still on a 38% calorie deficit harder because sometimes I dont feel like eating that much fat and sometimes I feel like eating all the carbs! Being the sweet tooth that I am I'm always looking for dessert keto recipes (obviously) anywaaay I went grocerie shopping and I wanted some dark low carb chocolate for a chocolate keto cake I saw on youtube and they were on sale! All the chocolate without added sugar were on sale! Dark, au lait, with almonds... High fiber and low net carbs with a catch... FULL of alcohol sugars (that do not count as net carbs) I bought 6(2 of each).

I came home and I wanted something sweet after lunch, I was going to bake the cake but I couldnt wait 1 hour ONE HOUR! I logged on my fitness pal and realized that if I ate one of the chocolates (500) I would still be below my calories and carbs. And I did it. I happily ate 100g of chocolate. Everything was going nice and smooth until... OMG the worst diarrhea ever. YEAH! Because the alcohol sugars that the chocolate was full of have laxative effects if taken in larger amounts. Yeah... I dont think I'm gonna be eating an entire chocolate anytime soon. I dont feel like eating a single piece to be honest! Lol

ALSO, small victory: that peanut caramel milka chocolate (the ones that are really big) was so cheap yesterday and it is my favorite binge food... AND I DIDNT BRING IT!

And if you dont count yesterday as a real binge because I didn't overeat I've been 7 days without binging! If not it was only 5 days :c (does it count or not?)

Anyway, I really wanted to share this with you since I have no one else to share this stuff with. <3

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[Other] Book: Wintergirls - by: Laurie Halse Anderson
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Sun Feb 12 01:12:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tke8i/book_wintergirls_by_laurie_halse_anderson/
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Hi everyone! I'm back again with a download for you. [here](https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BxAesiaWCyw_eW8wSVNSTmttVXM) is a link to the PDF I found and saved to my google drive. Enjoy! Let me know if you download it!

"Wintergirls is a fiction novel by Laurie Halse Anderson. It tells the story of a girl, Lia Overbrook, who suffers from anorexia and self harm. She struggles to fight her mental illness while balancing everything else in her life. Months after a fall out with her best friend Cassie, Lia receives news that she has died from bulimia. Lia's fight for her life becomes even more difficult."

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[Rant/Rave] Fucked up big time
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 12 00:13:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tk81x/fucked_up_big_time/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I cant do this anymore
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 11 21:32:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tjn4b/i_cant_do_this_anymore/
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[deleted]

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[Goal] a teeny tiny victory but a victory nonetheless
/u/bumblers [5'8"| 125.3 | -20 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 21:23:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tjlok/a_teeny_tiny_victory_but_a_victory_nonetheless/
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alright SO yesterday I weighed in at 122 and as a reward I was looking in forever 21 for something cute and I have a friend who works there, who I haven't seen since September ((since September I've lost abouttttt 25 pounds))

so I see her and we say hello and blah blah blah

so like 10 mins later I'm trying to get this tee shirt but it's WAY too high up and so I see her walk by and I'm like "yo can u grab that for me lol" and she says:

"yeah what size?" *looks me up and down and gets a weird look on her face "extra small I'm assuming?"

like idk it was kind of judgmental and weird the way she said it, like also maybe a bit concernedly but I was just thinking: FUCK YES PPL LOOK AT ME AND THINK I AM SMALL VICTORYVICTORYVICTORY

and yeah that's my dumb success that I'm freakin out over

sry for no flair cuz mobile

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[Rant/Rave] mom motivated me
/u/puddleclub [5'8" | cw: 180.8 | gw: 130 | bmi: 27.07 | -6.9 | f]
Created: Sat Feb 11 19:08:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tj1ax/mom_motivated_me/
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on mobile but, rant

HAHAHAHHAHA all i've had today is a slim fast shake for breakfast so for dinner i was going to make a chicken quesadilla. as i bring out the cheese my mom is like, "put it down. don't you think you should lay off the cheese?" and so i put it back and she's like "oh c'mon i was kidding!!!" so now i'm just having chicken and broccoli 😪😒🙃 like thanks mom. (mind you that she's part of the reason i have always felt fat. like when i was a kiddo she would give me those personal pizza for lunch and then stopped giving them to me bc "you were getting chunky") lmfao and she knows i was diagnosed with an eating disorder

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[Discussion] What is it about eating disorders makes it so competitive?
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sat Feb 11 18:40:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tiwx2/what_is_it_about_eating_disorders_makes_it_so/
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I feel like ED sufferers are usually high achievers, perfectionists, and avid competitors. Why is that though?

Also the fact that ED sufferers want to be "sicker" than others and etc is such an odd thing. If one wants to compete with others why be so understanding to them do you feel me??

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Fuck food!!!!!
/u/posyposer
Created: Sat Feb 11 18:28:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tiuy5/fuck_food/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] So, after binging half the days this week, I bought caffeine pills out of desperation.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 18:03:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tiqvb/so_after_binging_half_the_days_this_week_i_bought/
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And they fucking WORKED. I mean, they didn't get rid of my appetite altogether, but they made it A LOT more manageable. It's such a huge relief because I felt like my appetite was getting out of control. But now I'm in control.

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She brings up a good point about silence/stigma - She was mentioned in another thread
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 11 17:48:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tioaf/she_brings_up_a_good_point_about_silencestigma/
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https://youtu.be/EWOdMs7Ao7A

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[Help] drunk thought: i get so mad that people don't adore me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 11 17:26:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tikgi/drunk_thought_i_get_so_mad_that_people_dont_adore/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Body issues with stretch marks? /: [Rant]
/u/llamadude00
Created: Sat Feb 11 17:09:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tihbp/body_issues_with_stretch_marks_rant/
---
Hi y'all. This isn't super related to ED I guess but I feel like it is a little bc body dysmorphia and all that.

I'm 17 so I'm pretty young here considering. I've gone from 215 lbs to 155 so far. No loose skin, but I have quite a few (admittedly pale and skin colored) stretch marks. I didn't even notice until I looked at myself under harsh white light. I knew of some but I didn't know of all the others. I feel like garbage right now because of it.
Summer is coming up and I want to swim, but what am I gonna do if I have these ugly stretch marks by my armpits, and on my tummy and sides and inner thighs? :(
Do boys care or notice these?

I'm just mad at myself for getting so large in the first place. My body is ruined forever. I am ruined forever.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

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[Discussion] Blows to Self-Esteem: Motivating or Discouraging?
/u/deanhipchester [5' | 111.4 lbs | 22.91 | -31 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 16:41:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ticed/blows_to_selfesteem_motivating_or_discouraging/
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I just found out I'm not being interviewed for a job I really wanted and I can't tell if I want to starve myself until I disappear or eat so much that I can't breathe. I'll probably starve but what can you do.

Just wanted to know what all of y'all thought.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm so happy rn and I have no one to share it with so I gotta post here
/u/modtherich [5'3" | 🐳 | -22 | 23F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 16:37:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tibq7/im_so_happy_rn_and_i_have_no_one_to_share_it_with/
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I'm like vibrating with excitement and can't stop smiling I'm sitting at the airport waiting for my boyfriend's flight to arrive, this is the second time he's visiting and he's staying with me for a week. We've been together for a little over two years now I love him so much???

This is the perfect excuse to not eat all week basically but I'm just so happy. With the weight I've lost so far I don't feel as disgusting smiling and being happy. I mean I'm still pretty disgusting, but whatever I'm happy for once aaaaaah

I love you guys ♥️

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[Help] MFP exercise calories wayyy off??
/u/every_label
Created: Sat Feb 11 16:23:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ti9a4/mfp_exercise_calories_wayyy_off/
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Why is MFP so inaccurate calories burnt? Today I cycled for 130 minutes at 16mph and then did the elliptical on resistance level 10 for 130 minutes. MFP estimates this at ~total 2000 calories. No way is that true...

Anyone got any better accurate calorie calculator?

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[Discussion] Calculating calories burned walking
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW110 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 15:52:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ti3g3/calculating_calories_burned_walking/
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I was wondering if any of you knew a way to accurately calculate calories burned walking but based off of distance. I know how far I've walked because of the step tracker on my phone, but I never pay attention to how long I've been walking (I know it is no slower than 3mph and rarely exceeds 4mph). I'd rather find a method that underestimates the calories than overestimates.

Thanks!

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[Discussion] DAE Hate Their Body Frame or Bone Structure?
/u/TarotWoman88 [5'8''| BMI 26.6 | -115 |F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 15:40:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ti1a5/dae_hate_their_body_frame_or_bone_structure/
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Super random, but does anyone else struggle to accept or love their frame and bone structure and resulting body type? If so, what is your body type and how does it look at your best weights?

I'm increasingly realizing just how much my bone structure bugs me...I've got almost no vertical space between my hip bones and massive rib cage and it just makes me look like a giant square...

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[Discussion] A weird realization about enjoying food (DAE?)
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 15:40:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ti19g/a_weird_realization_about_enjoying_food_dae/
---
I have come to the realization that a weird/unexpected part of my ED is that I feel like I am not allowed to *enjoy* food. I prefer to eat the same bland meals over and over again, and eating something tasty makes me feel guilty even if it is low cal and fits well within my goals for the day (flavored rice cakes, quest bars, protein powder etc). I feel weak and gluttonous and disgusting for needing to derive joy out of food.

Does anyone else experience this?

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[Intro] I'm back again
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 11 15:19:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5thx2e/im_back_again/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Being a Weeaboo helps me starve myself (pretty cringy)
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.4 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 15:18:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5thwx4/being_a_weeaboo_helps_me_starve_myself_pretty/
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Alright. So. This is probably really really weird and I would be AMAZED if anyone else can relate to this. But I kinda just want to tell someone because I feel like a cringy weirdo because of it and maybe want reassurance or at the very least maybe this will make you laugh or something. Anyway.. a huge part of me wanting to be tiny and dainty and thin is because of Japanese culture. I started watching anime when I was a little kid and that's when I first realized I wanted to be super thin. (BECAUSE OF GODDAMN CARTOONS RIGHT???) As the years have gone by I've gotten more and more into japanese culture as well as cosplay and that's my biggest motivation for starving myself. I'm white as can be, one of the palest girls I've ever met in my life. I kind of hate being this way but at the same time it's who I am, I guess. One of the things that I use to keep myself from eating something is thinking, "would a cute skinny dainty fucking anime girl eat this?" if not, it's easier not to eat it for me. I'm sorry. I feel like the biggest cringe in the world but I've never told anyone this and I need to get it off my chest. You guys are normally really understanding so I feel safe here. Thank you for reading all of this. lol

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[Rant/Rave] (TW) 2 weeks without purging and I'm more unhappy than ever
/u/charredsouls
Created: Sat Feb 11 15:04:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5thu63/tw_2_weeks_without_purging_and_im_more_unhappy/
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2 weeks ago today I cold turkey gave up purging. I knew it was what I had to do after being in a b/p cycle for months and months and failing to give it up.

My two weeks without purging have been a mess. I have been binging every other day and I've gained 5 pounds. I'm trying to be strong and tell myself that the binging will get better once I realize I can't purge it up, but every single time it's all I think about. I feel so empty without my b/p cycle. I thought I would feel free when I stopped purging, but now I feel even more entrapped by myself. Not only am I not strong enough to resist food, but I also miss the emotional connection I had to purging. I know it sounds so stupid, but purging felt like a friend I could fall back on.

Warning to anybody who has never purged: 'Purging high' is a real thing, like a drug. This is reason enough to never start.

I want to believe this is going to get better with time, but every day that passes it somehow feels even worse :(

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Osteoporosis?
/u/ScoutRitts [5'4 | 87.6lbs | F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 14:03:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5thifg/osteoporosis/
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Hi everyone

(I'm on mobile and this is my first time posting so sorry if I get something wrong)

I was wondering if anyone here has been diagnosed with osteoporosis or osteopenia? Especially if you've lost your period too. How long after losing your period should you worry about developing it? Any other reason to worry over not having your period? Also, slightly related but are you diagnosed with an ED? Did you like bring it up to the doctor or did they force the diagnosis?

**tmi**

Little background on yours truly: I haven't had a period since Sept 2016. It just completely stopped. No spotting or anything since. It hasn't been a super long time but still... I'm planning on going to the doctor but I'm a bit doctor-phobic and my insurance is lousy so I want to be sure I'm at risk or should worry so I don't waste my time/money. I've never had good experiences with doctors but I haven't seen one since being noticeably underweight. Last doc I went to I was 105lbs which is just at the cusp of underweight for my height and he didn't really care. So I'm not diagnosed anorexic or anything and it'll be a new doctor so idk. Will they bring anorexia up at all? This stuff is all foreign to me since I've avoided doctors as long as I possibly could.

I'm 23F, 5'4, 15.5BMI in the US btw.

Sorry if this makes no sense I'm an anxious wreck lol

Appreciate any responses! 🙂🙃

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[Help] urgent question for bulimics
/u/crapbeg
Created: Sat Feb 11 14:01:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5thi1i/urgent_question_for_bulimics/
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so i'm in college and my best friend is having a bit of a crisis rn. she's an ex (ish) bulimic and she's been having a breakdown over missing home - she just apologised and said that she needed to make herself throw up, and she has (i didn't say anything against it because i know how it feels). i sat outside with a glass of water just to check that she was ok. we've been friends for 6ish months but i think she just feels guilty for making me 'deal' with her.

she's calling her dad right now and i've left her alone for a bit, but how do i proceed from here? how would you want someone to deal with you in this situation?

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[Help] Just binged, need support
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 11 13:45:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5thep8/just_binged_need_support/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] What weight do you refuse to go back to?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 11 13:31:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5thc1y/what_weight_do_you_refuse_to_go_back_to/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] What are you rewards? (Mobile, no flair, discussion)
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" | 200 lbs | 29.5 | 30 lbs| Male]
Created: Sat Feb 11 13:10:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5th7r7/what_are_you_rewards_mobile_no_flair_discussion/
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I've seen from some other people that I'm not the only one who rewards themselves when they reach certain goal weights, so what are the rewards some of you use?

For me, when I reach a goal weight, depending on size of the goal, I get myself a new tattoo! I'm 10 lbs away from my next one (even though it's small) when I hit my next big one (150, about 50 lbs) I'll get my next big tattoo.

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Apple Watch/MFP Friends?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 11 12:08:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tgt3p/apple_watchmfp_friends/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Had a weird dream last night and it kind of freaked me out.
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 101.6 | BMI:19.8 l GW 90| -42 l F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 11:37:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tglp0/had_a_weird_dream_last_night_and_it_kind_of/
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I dreamt that I stepped on the scale and it said 85 lbs. Instead of being happy, I was horrified that I still looked the way I did and that there was no way it was right. So I rechecked and rechecked and still it said 85.

I woke up sort of sad and melancholy. Then when I actually did my morning weigh in, it said 102.6.

New low.

Haven't been this weight since I was around 13/14. I'm 21. It's not enough though. I *have* to be double digits. I take up too much room.

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[Discussion] Yoga is actually really cool??
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 10:58:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tgdaa/yoga_is_actually_really_cool/
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So my university has a requirement that everyone has to attend a certain amount of fitness groups at some point. I have no time during the week so I got up today and made myself go to the morning yoga class. I was dreading it and I've never done yoga before but... It was actually really nice. I'm pretty surprised lol.

Anyway, it was of course made less relaxing by the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about food and my hunger and other ED things the entire time.

But overall it was really relaxing and energizing and it made me feel good, and I even went on a run afterwards cause I felt so good! I'll definitely go back for more.

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[Help] Binged last night, stomach burns today
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 11 10:57:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tgd0w/binged_last_night_stomach_burns_today/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My SO is a complete doofus about weight loss and it is incredibly frustrating.
/u/caseydoeswords [5'0 | c:120 | cgw:100 | 25f]
Created: Sat Feb 11 10:40:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tg9vg/my_so_is_a_complete_doofus_about_weight_loss_and/
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I am so annoyed with my SO that I could scream.

His goal this year is/was to lose weight, and he told me earlier this week that his greatest insecurity is his body. He's got a BMI of 30.8, which is obese. He's been going to the gym and lifting heavily since July but hasn't lost any weight because his eating is shit. So this year he decided to get his eating together and start meal-prepping and eating healthier foods. That lasted for approximately a week or two.

He won't count calories, and listens to exactly none of the advice I've given him. Lately he's been asking me to pick him up fast food almost constantly, now that he's switched jobs and is working longer hours. Not only is this a half-hour trip out of my way every time, it's also a big trigger for me, and it's extraordinarily annoying that he expects me to enable his shitty eating.

He told me today: "I'm not counting calories. That's a horrible feeling and I'm not about to live like that. I'll just be fat."

I said: "Well, enjoy."

It just deeply irritates me. His shitty eating is very triggering for me. He *constantly* wants to go get milkshakes, or order a pizza, or pick up fast food. The whole time he will complain that he's not losing weight even though he's been going to the gym, and then tells me I'm wrong when I remind him that losing weight is done in the kitchen and not the gym.

I've lost 50lbs in the same amount of time that he's been going to the gym. Maybe it hasn't been 100% healthily, but the advice I have given him has been totally sane, normal-people advice. It makes me grind my teeth to hear him complaining that he's not seeing any results, when he's not putting in any effort whatsoever, and then he sneers at me for calorie counting like it's beneath him.

I'm just internally screaming right now and needed to vent. Sorry this got a little longer than I meant it to. But ugh! His insistence on living this way is causing a lot of strain for me. I'm not the picture of "healthy eating and fitness" but I definitely don't want to be surrounded by junk food and binge-eaters and whiny people. His lifestyle is super unattractive to me right now.

tl;dr: My boyfriend is a massive fatlogician and food-pusher, and it makes me want to choke him out on the regular. I'm just being whiny and sensitive, probably.

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[Tip] I need tips (ways to exercise.)
/u/nairoline
Created: Sat Feb 11 10:28:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tg7ej/i_need_tips_ways_to_exercise/
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[removed]

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[Other] Not ED related, but I don't know where else to go
/u/NaejNire [5'9 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 09:59:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tg1b8/not_ed_related_but_i_dont_know_where_else_to_go/
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So I got very drunk last night and tried to commit suicide. I was out with friends and my boyfriend who all had to watch me be dragged into an ambulance as I begged for them to let me die after taking a fatal mixture of pills and alcohol.

I've never been so embarrassed. I don't even know how to face these people anymore after that. I don't know what to do.

To be honest, I wish I had died. I can't do this anymore guys, I really can't.

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Has anyone had a positive experience with Effexor?
/u/Littleduckling8667
Created: Sat Feb 11 09:27:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tfu3m/has_anyone_had_a_positive_experience_with_effexor/
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Long time lurker. I read a post here a week or two ago and everyone was saying how bad Effexor was and how it didn't work for them. Just curious if anyone has had a positive experience with it? I recently was switched to Effexor from Trintellix.

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[Other] Scale says I'm losing weight but the mirror says I'm gaining
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | F | GW:115 | -17 | BMI 23.8]
Created: Sat Feb 11 08:52:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tflqm/scale_says_im_losing_weight_but_the_mirror_says/
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I hate myself more every day. I wish I was normal. I wish I wasn't like this. What is wrong with me.

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Had a good week (mobile, no flair)
/u/dontcareifithurts__ [5'4.5 | 114.4 | - 6.8 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 08:19:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tfcv3/had_a_good_week_mobile_no_flair/
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I've stuck to my eating plan perfectly without slipping up since last Sunday and I've lost 4.2 pounds this week. I've been to the gym and burned approximately 400 calories each time, so I'm sure that has helped. I can physically see myself shrinking in the mirror. It's the best feeling. I'm sure some of that is water weight but even feeling less bloated than usual makes me so happy.

Problem is, when I see success I just want to eat less and less until I'm down to practically nothing, because I live my life in extremes. Either rapidly losing or rapidly gaining weight.

Oh well, happy to be on the losing side of this for once!

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Who here "rolls over" calories into the next day(s)?
/u/almostwispy
Created: Sat Feb 11 08:09:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tfa62/who_here_rolls_over_calories_into_the_next_days/
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Back in the day, if I hit my limit, then I was done. Didn't matter if it was 3pm and I'd have to starve until morning. Hit limit = done till the next day.

Now I go over my limit frequently and roll the calories into the rest of the week. Definitely not as effective, but not totally devastating to progress either. Just harder to track sometimes and anything beyond a 200 calorie roll over is pretty hard to maintain and so I end up disregarding calories more often than I should. I'd love to drop this habit!!

Just curious if anyone else does this fuzzy math.

Edit: flair discussion

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Only one week until my birthday
/u/TummyRumblz [5'8" | CW:152| LW: 146 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 07:51:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tf514/only_one_week_until_my_birthday/
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I have a binge planned for that day and I've been restricting and exercising to try to make up for it. Surely I can keep my shit together until then, right? I was doing well until yesterday. I planned a fast but ended up eating 1900 cals. Its like I can't not eat. I have a canker sore too so it hurt to eat, but I just kept going. Maybe it's because I excercised a lot this week. I've debated starting back at 1000 and working my way down. Hopefully that will work.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] can i just vent for a minute
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 11 07:21:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tev56/rant_can_i_just_vent_for_a_minute/
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[deleted]

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[Other] Cracked article on Pro-ED communities. Not quite as awful as the last one
/u/PaisleyStars
Created: Sat Feb 11 06:18:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5teckh/cracked_article_on_proed_communities_not_quite_as/
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http://archive.is/PW021

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[Discussion] How would you describe your UGW aesthetic?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 06:13:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5teb98/how_would_you_describe_your_ugw_aesthetic/
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What words would you want someone to describe you as? Or how would you describe yourself? I'm always curious to hear end goals.

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Cracked article on Pro-ED communities. Not quite so awful as the last one
/u/PaisleyStars
Created: Sat Feb 11 05:41:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5te3fy/cracked_article_on_proed_communities_not_quite_so/
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http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-2452-a-look-inside-disturbingly-large-pro-anorexia-community.html

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[Rant/Rave] Need someone (rant???)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 11 05:14:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tdxtn/need_someone_rant/
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[removed]

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! February 11, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Feb 11 05:07:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tdwey/stupid_questions_saturday_february_11_2017/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for February 11, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 11, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Feb 11 05:07:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tdwdq/daily_food_diary_february_11_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 11, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] Heaps of confidence this week!
/u/possiblycurious [5'5"| 133| -17lbs| F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 02:07:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5td3ll/heaps_of_confidence_this_week/
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So many happy things!

I got my tonsils out this week and I can breathe again. The nurses were so sweet. They all kept complimenting my nail polish. One gal said I had the most amazing skin and turned to another nurse asking, "Isn't she so beautiful?". They said they were very happy to have me. After the surgery they told my spouse that I looked angelic and was so glad the surgery was inside my mouth. Anything near my face would have been daunting, she said. She also complimented my skin to him! It's a **huge deal** to have my skin nearly clear after 6/7 years of acne!


Issues with spouse are more/less resolved! The tension helped me drop down to my middle school weight!! I've gone down a size in jeans and bought a pair of leatherette pants to celebrate.

I've measured lost inches from my under bust & thighs. The spouse has noticed that my legs are thinner and commented.

Today I was trying on summer dresses- Old (5 years ago) & new (last summer). Everything needs to be taken in- on the waist + ribs!! My husband was helping me pin the clothes back with binder clips. Most of the time his hands were on my waist, showing what was loose. I've never felt more dainty and model-esque.


I feel so happy & lovely!

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[Rant/Rave] A belt saved my day!!
/u/iamfatfatty [5'5 | CW: 120 | GW: 100 | 19F]
Created: Sat Feb 11 00:56:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tcvpp/a_belt_saved_my_day/
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Hi, I guess this is an intro too! I'm pretty new here, but I've been lurking for a while--maybe around two months now.

Anyway, I woke up this morning to a goal weight (!!!!) and decided to let myself eat up to my TDEE today. I went to a friend's work for lunch and ended up going ham with the snacks all day and kept eating despite feeling incredibly full and I was spilling over my belt (so in the end I felt like a ham HAHA) but when I went home and calculated my calories, it turns out I stayed below my TDEE still!!!!

I was changing for bed when I took off my (moderately tight, kind of high-waisted) belt and felt like I wasn't full all of a sudden. It was then that I realized I owed my whole day to this wonderful, pleather belt <3 <3

Anyway, I absolutely love this sub and all you folks :)

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[Discussion] Thinspo Movies
/u/thimimin
Created: Sat Feb 11 00:42:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tcu6x/thinspo_movies/
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On mobile so no tag or whatever!

I'm looking for some movies (on Netflix, hulu, starz, hbo, etc) that aren't exactly eating disorder related, but are inspiring. Recently I watched Starlet with Drew Hemingway and Stella Maeve (which, I'm in love), so, what are your favorites?

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Confused
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 22:13:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tccpn/confused/
---
[removed]

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MyfitnessPal ?
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri Feb 10 21:11:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tc3pu/myfitnesspal/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] When the brain does the dumb.
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" | 200 lbs | 29.5 | 30 lbs| Male]
Created: Fri Feb 10 21:09:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tc3dh/when_the_brain_does_the_dumb/
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Sorry no flair, on mobile, rant/rave

Does anyone else get into that head space of "I cant eat anything except for ___" Like I've been doing so well fasting and restricting and I can't break my streak, but I'm starting to feel weak a dizzy, so I try to decide what is acceptable to eat.

Finally I decide on a salad from our favorite pizza/salad place and my brain decided it's either that or continued fasting. As hard as I try I can't let myself even consider anything else.

Of course my husband decides that he'll be good and not go out to eat, which means I won't eat at all.

Stupid brain.

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[Rant/Rave] Everything just seems so amplified emotions wise.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 20:33:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tbxyk/everything_just_seems_so_amplified_emotions_wise/
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[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri Feb 10 20:29:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tbx94/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/7f6aa3037dab48e1acea070df9d3096d?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=603f83f9403ba52b327a5108d242634d

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[Help] I need to get on the scale, but I can't bring myself to do it. Help...
/u/almostwispy
Created: Fri Feb 10 20:29:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tbx90/i_need_to_get_on_the_scale_but_i_cant_bring/
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Hey all. I'm the kind of person who avoids the scale except when I'm feeling skinny. I used to always be skinny so this was never really a problem. But I had a kid a year ago and losing the extra weight has been rough. I've not gotten on a scale since September 2016. I know where my weight is at in general right now by how I look and feel. I know for sure I'm still just over the line into the "healthy" BMI category.

Here's the thing. I really need to track my weight in order to figure out exactly what needs to happen in order for me to lose weight calorie-wise. It would make me feel more sane to have the data to work with. But at the same time, any fluctuations in the wrong direction also pose the risk of making me INsane.

Help. How do I get over this and just get on the freaking scale. I keep saying I'll do it when I lose some weight, but it's been like 4 months now with no weight loss. You can't manage what you don't measure, as they say!

(PS doing tape measurements is not an option. It's too upsetting for me in my post partum body. My rib cage and hips got wider, and I'm not talking about fat, I'm talking structurally. So yeah, I'm just not going there at this point in time)

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[Discussion] Veganism and EDs?
/u/skinnywishes11 [5'6 | 120 | 19.4 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 10 20:20:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tbvw3/veganism_and_eds/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Gain or lose from cutting booze?
/u/Mountain_Maddie
Created: Fri Feb 10 19:37:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tbp2m/gain_or_lose_from_cutting_booze/
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I recently made drastic cuts to my alcohol intake. I was drinking way too heavily - mostly mixed drinks but sometimes beer as well. I was averaging 3-5 drinks each night. This week I haven't had any drinks. Not even one.

I'm wondering if anyone on here has cut alcohol drastically, and what effect it had on their weight. I've heard mixed results. I understand I'll be cutting calories, but for some reason I'm worried that since I won't be going out dancing and drinking I'm going to end up gaining weight.

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[Rant/Rave] Not sure how to feel... (a post Dr. appointment rant)
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Fri Feb 10 19:28:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tbnlc/not_sure_how_to_feel_a_post_dr_appointment_rant/
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So I am flirting with the idea of recovery and my therapist talked me into getting blood work done because even though I am not underweight she was worried. I humored her mostly because I assumed they'd turn out fine. But they didn't. My blood count and glucose levels are apparently dangerously low. I wasn't expecting this at all and I honestly don't know how to process it. It feels like I have been doing a good job convincing myself that I didn't have a 'Real' ed because it wasn't 'bad enough' but this... this is validating in a bad way. I don't know. Im scared. Ironically the stress of all this has just made me lose my appetite entirely.

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[Rant/Rave] Maintaining...ugh. [rant]
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Fri Feb 10 19:03:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tbjb4/maintainingugh_rant/
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So, I haven't posted in a while. I'm down to 151.2 today and still feeling like a whale. Literally all I've been eating this whole month (more?) has been sugary garbage. Ice cream sundaes and oatmeal cream pies and donuts and THANK GOD I've still been watching my intake and haven't gained, but I need to stop the sugar thing right fucking now.

Thinking about going back to keto. I felt really good on it, less swelling in my hands, lost weight, etc. but I feel like it's so hard to restrict on keto and still eat things I like/are not fear foods/are not heavy calorie laden things like fatty meats and so on. Idk.

I haven't seen the guy I'm sort of dating in a few weeks, because he's been dealing with his mom being hospitalized and just some really bad stuff. I'm assuming I'll get to see him sometime next week, and just realized Valentine's Day is Tuesday. I wanted to have lost more by the time I saw him next, but I haven't. Today I've fasted except for a monster zero, and unfortunately I still have a lot to do tonight so I'll be up and that's when I eat garbage. Should clean out my fridge, but I'm so broke that throwing food away is difficult. I just want to get into the 140s and be miserable there for a while, instead of being miserable in the low 150's.

Finally got a legal script for vyvanse, and that helps tremendously with appetite. But I've been slacking on being careful of my food and paying for it in other ways, digestive issues, eczema, acne, you name it. The last two days I had severe stomach pain every time I ate (even after the first couple bites). So idk if I gave myself an ulcer or what's going on... just... venting and feeling annoyed.

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[Thinspo] Any video game Thinspo?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 18:59:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tbis2/any_video_game_thinspo/
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Like I love seeing thin characters in games, because I see them and get reminded to eat while playing. I don't play paladins anymore, switched to Overwatch, but Cassie was a reasonable example if you changed the costume.

Any other media Thinspo also welcome (like tv or movies that won't look obvious that I'm looking for inspiration)

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[Discussion] What are your feelings about people commenting on your weight?
/u/CuppyCakesLovey [5'5 | CW:97 | BMI:16.14 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 10 18:52:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tbhn4/what_are_your_feelings_about_people_commenting_on/
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Do you love it or hate it?

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[Intro] Anyone else start this *wonderful* journey when they first looked at calorie counts?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 18:34:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tbekd/anyone_else_start_this_wonderful_journey_when/
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Like I ate somewhat normally and then one day I looked up what the big white sticker means. And then I saw that a bag of chips was 1200cal. And then I found that 1200 was the number you should never go under (looking back, lmao can't believe I believed that). So I thought it was perfectly healthy to eat 1200 cal of chips if I ate nothing else that day.

And then I accidentally went under 1200 one day and noticed I didn't faint or anything and that it made me feel more powerful so I kept on doing as low as I could without other people noticing and asking shit [sidenote: my parent asked yesterday 'you eat so little but don't lose weight, do you have a thyroid problem like me^^^^^teehee^like_no_fuck_off ', thanks for the encouragement to eat even less :))))].

Anyway I was wondering how other people developed theirs, since a lot of us seem to have started with somewhat differing ways.

(I think a lot of us had shitty relationships with food before though, that seems common, like I was told to always eat the whole plate because fucking staving kids in africa like no fuck off I don't care which bin it goes in, be it my stomach or the plastic bin in the kitchen)

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[Intro] Hello World! [Intro]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 18:23:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tbcpe/hello_world_intro/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] This shit keeps me up at night
/u/biggoldie
Created: Fri Feb 10 17:57:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tb88t/this_shit_keeps_me_up_at_night/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/1200isplenty/comments/5t81t4/help_with_figuring_out_calories_spaghetti_os/?ref=share&ref_source=link

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[Rant/Rave] A rant in a community I trust, not actually really about an ED
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 17:49:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tb6wm/a_rant_in_a_community_i_trust_not_actually_really/
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[deleted]

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[Intro] Finally admitting to myself
/u/endlesssif [5'5" | 😰 | GW: 100 | 25 | not enough | F]
Created: Fri Feb 10 17:28:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tb2se/finally_admitting_to_myself/
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I am some form of disordered eating-never been diagnosed but swap between purging binging and restricting.

My boyfriend loves the skinny type of girls, I'm way too fat. It hurts every time he checks out a skinny girl, I'm trying but I can't drop that fast.

I don't deserve anything at this size. I'm so fuckin disgusting and I can't believe anyone even talks to this fat mess.

I don't know what I'm trying to achieve with this post but hi guys!!!

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[Rant/Rave] "I love your tummy": A rant about my relationship by Me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 17:22:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tb1my/i_love_your_tummy_a_rant_about_my_relationship_by/
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[deleted]

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[Help] How to de-bloat quick?
/u/thevegantaco [5'3 | 111.8 | 20.2 | -8.2 |]
Created: Fri Feb 10 17:18:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tb0sx/how_to_debloat_quick/
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Okay so, we're going to a show tomorrow and I'm planning on wearing a hecka cute top from iheartraves (idk how to make this a hyperlink?)

https://www.iheartraves.com/collections/womens-rave-tops/products/tie-dye-hoodie-top

Soooo obvi that means my belly will be showing and I'm scared it'll be bloated and gross.

I've been drinking water all night with grapefruit essential oil infused in it. I'm planning on having a green smoothie tomorrow morning and then on the car ride to the city, I'm gonna have carrots w/ mustard. I'm not sure what I can eat before the show bc I can't go in on an empty stomach (4 hrs dancing/raging + no food = passed out)

So if anyone has quick tips/tricks/or mini-workouts to do, literally anything helps. Thank you so much. I really want to feel alright in this outfit and have fun.

Also, I use lax tea maybe 1x/week and I had a cup yesterday so I don't want to have another tonight, esp since we'll be in the car for 2ish hours, so that's out of the question *sigh*

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[Discussion] Does anyone else give themselves rewards for non weight related victories?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 17:00:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tax16/does_anyone_else_give_themselves_rewards_for_non/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Discovered this girl on YouTube, I love her!! Anyone know if she browses this sub?
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 10 16:27:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5taqfx/discovered_this_girl_on_youtube_i_love_her_anyone/
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https://youtu.be/AeTj1ChPNQA

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Why not?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 16:14:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5tanxy/why_not/
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[removed]

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[Other] Faking it
/u/rosepurplesoup [5'10" | 131| 18.33| -52 | F 🌻]
Created: Fri Feb 10 15:10:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5taaxj/faking_it/
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That's not the right descriptor, exactly. I've engaged in unhealthy behaviors (restricting, binging, purging) for awhile, but I never thought I actually had an eating disorder. I would even just refer to my behaviors as my ED online, so it would be easier to understand, but I never believed it.

I mean, I was *choosing* to do these things. I didn't have a voice telling me I *had* to eat less. I just really wanted to be skinnier. I'd have large chunks of time where I would go back to "normal" eating (read: nonstop binging), and that's proof that I am just choosing to go on an extreme diet basically right?

Just now I was watching a youtube video where a girl was talking about her eating disorder (I watch sooo much of that sort of thing) and for the first time I froze. I've seen a hundred people say that their ED was the center of their life, but it never clicked. But as she said she was choosing it over her grades and relationships... I'm struggling to stay in school because of intense anxiety, but I know I'm always much worse when restricting. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and yet I've still eaten nothing today. I also had a panic attack as a result of something my boyfriend said, though it shouldn't have affected me at all. And it's not just my anxiety that is worse, I know I'm snapping at him more too because I'm more irritable.

But I don't care. Not enough to stop, anyway.

:(

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[Rant/Rave] Trapped in this spiral and I can't break free...
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 24.03 | -68lbs | M]
Created: Fri Feb 10 14:20:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ta0az/trapped_in_this_spiral_and_i_cant_break_free/
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Nearly every day this week has been an over 3000 calorie binge and I'm going crazy. I start the day so strong and then a few hours in without even feeling hungry I just start mindlessly eating. In the moment I don't even care but as soon as the day is done I feel ready to rip my hair out and swear to myself that tomorrow will be better. Lather rinse repeat. I've gained four pounds in the last five days (not updating my flair because denial) and maybe some of it is just water/waste weight but I've eaten four pounds worth of calories this week so I figure it's accurate. Now my birthday is mere days away and there will be cake and treats and a big dinner. I'm just at a loss. I've decided to eat maintenance until the end of the month, I'm sure I can stop myself there without going over and at least I won't gain back all the weight I've lost. Hopefully I can start fresh in March and find success.

This really sucks though. I had it all figured out that I would reach my UGW in the first week of May but now it will probably be June. I'm just always disappointing myself and can't even use it as motivation to be better. Just... ugh.

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[Rant/Rave] Weight gain from medication. Pushy boyfriend. Feeling like I have no control of the way I look anymore.
/u/Scooter_Boots [5'4.5" | CW Magnificent Land Whale | GW 115 | 27F]
Created: Fri Feb 10 14:12:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t9ys5/weight_gain_from_medication_pushy_boyfriend/
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I was already getting out of control with my weight gain, and then I got sick. I needed to be on prednisone for a few months and just recently tapered down. I HATEEEE what this medication has done to my body. I've gained so much and in such weird places. I got the classic moon-face, belly fat, weird stubborn double chin, and for the first time in my life-back fat. I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore. I'm so disgusted with my appearance. When I was previously at high weights at least my face looked pretty. Now I'm a gigantic, unrecognizable potato.


Rant aside, I've been off the medication for a few weeks and I'm too scared to step on the scale. My face has deflated a bit, my double chin has gone down noticeably, but now I'm doing a big push to start losing again. I drink almost a gallon of water each day, no longer drink alcohol (alas, the only friend that understood), and restrict heavily during the day. I wish I could eat during the day and just stop before dinner, but my boyfriend works during the day and he nags me to eat.


That brings me to the next part of this rant. Does anyone else have an SO, roommate, or friend that just MAKES you eat? Or someone you're hiding your habits from and they make you feel like crap if you don't eat as shitty as they do? I "save" my calories all day so I'll eat when my boyfriend gets home, but he always guilts me into something food related. Comments like "you're not going to eat more?" or "I'm really hungry but if you don't eat then I'm not going to eat" or "I dont bring lunch to work because I would rather leave all the leftovers from dinner so you can eat them during the day." Sometimes he is very obviously trying to make me feel bad or eat more and sometimes I genuinely feel bad. He is the cook out of the two of us and I think he feels crappy when I don't want seconds or when I don't think he should be cooking with so much butter etc. If I tell him politely that I'm on a "diet" or some other excuse he just tells me that it's stupid.


Rant over. I'm just very frustrated. Need to lose weight quickly because I'm tired of hating myself all day every day. Boyfriend not making this easy. Figured I could rant here.

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[Tip] My stupid clockwise diet
/u/adrestiaiscoming [5'9"| GW 110 | -11| F]
Created: Fri Feb 10 13:26:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t9p49/my_stupid_clockwise_diet/
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So when I am restricting but trying to eat at least a minimum of healthy stuff, I don't eat until at least noon. I do intermittent fasting and this is part of it. So what I do is go by the clock (American-style).
So at 12:00 I count it as zero. No calories til then. By 1:30 I try to have 130 calories, by 3:30, 330 calories, and so on until 5 pm when I stop eating at or under 500 calories, then I fast until noon again.

This helps to remind me to eat at least something to keep my body going but also gives me limits. So if I want to eat something terrible or unwise or if I have a craving, I count it up, and if I'm at 130, I know I can't have more than 70 calories by 2:00 pm.

Anyway this is not meant to help anyone starve, but it helps me to make sure I am actually eating SOMETHING instead of just ignoring food all day until it's too late and I go to bed on a zero or deficit. This is also on days that I do not exercise heavily.

Anyway hope it can help someone!

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[Help] loose skin success stories?
/u/imelancholy [5'4" | CW: 145 | LW: 141 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 10 13:13:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t9mb7/loose_skin_success_stories/
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hi all. one of the biggest concerns i have is loose skin. i have a lot of stretch marks and a lot of areas where loose skin would be a problem. obviously worry of skin depends on the rate at which i lose weight...but i was just wondering if you guys had any stories with this like how much you lost in what time span and if you have loose skin and how you fixed it?

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[Discussion] What food/ drink has shocked you by the amount of calories in it? [Rant] [Discussion]
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Fri Feb 10 13:05:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t9kkj/what_food_drink_has_shocked_you_by_the_amount_of/
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I just looked up the calories in a four loko.... 660. And like I can see why it would be a high calories drink but holy shit I did not think it would be that high at all! Ugh. Anyone else??

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[Discussion] How about them teeth (lol)
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Fri Feb 10 12:43:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t9g07/how_about_them_teeth_lol/
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so people struggling with Bulimia, how are your teeth and how in the world do you take care of them? Mine is turning like yellow and kind of translucent but purging daily does that to you, you know..? sorry this is TMI but honestly nothing is TMI on this subreddit to me.

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[Rant/Rave] Pregnant-crisis-girl with a rant/update/thank you
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 12:37:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t9en4/pregnantcrisisgirl_with_a_rantupdatethank_you/
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I need to begin this with the biggest THANK YOU I have ever said to anyone. The people on this sub -- you are all fucking amazing. I was so overwhelmed in a good way by all of the support I received yesterday after making a post that I almost didn't.

For a small update -- I went to the clinic (HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE! Highlight was when the ultrasound nurse reviewed my history and said "eating problems?" i said "yes" she said "well you obviously aren't having any problems now" and I said "what?" she said "you're obviously not having food issues now" -- thanks for calling me fat on the day of my abortion -- reallllllll icing on the cake. thanks for that, cuntsatchel) They did an ultrasound which showed no baby. I have been to an OBGYN 2x at 27 years old - I am ashamed of my labia and MORTIFIED to let anyone down there. So she says we need an invasive ultrasound and I start balling my eyes out. She let me do it without her looking after I said "i'm not afraid of the pain -- i'm afraid of you seeing what i look like down there" and she goes "oh i don't want to look anyway" SECOND THANKS, BITCHFACE.

She said she saw it but that it was too early and to come back. I am just even more of a fucking wreck than before. I'm worried about how much potential weight gain I'll have (even with heavy restriction) over the next 2 weeks. I'm worried because even though I am not morally opposed to abortion -- what...are we just waiting for it to get a little bit bigger and more juicy til we abort it?

I should have gone back to work today but I am shaking and crying. I can't imagine letting this grow for another 2 weeks in my uterus. I am frustrated that my PCP office saw me Wednesday and said "call a clinic, see if they can get you in TODAY because I can't help you" and when I did, it's not time to do this. Why didn't the PCP office do an ultrasound? Or recommend I see an OBGYN due to the pregnancy being so early?

Fucking. livid. My therapist is out of the country until 3/1. I want so badly to not relapse, again, on self-harm (after 160 days that hurt -- haaaa......pardon my angry humor) and maybe keep my marriage together - my SO drove like a manic on the drive home and was angry for not "knowing more or understanding" and I said I couldn't believe he was shouting and being mad at me.

I don't know if I can be this emotional for another 2 weeks and surrounded by anger and invalidation.

**FUCK. THE. WORLD.**
This was long and wordy - to anyone who read it, here's a kiss from me in the PNW, mind the boogers from the sobbing.

and a second, humongous, amazing thanks for the support. seriously. I don't have a lot of friends and can't talk to this stuff with my family or really anyone.

Truthfully -- I just want to die. Again. How many times have I said that? :(

Happy Friday, lovelies. You're beautiful, amazing, strong and I love you <3

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[Discussion] How do you guys cheer yourselves up after a bad day without food?
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105.2 | GW 95]
Created: Fri Feb 10 11:51:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t9495/how_do_you_guys_cheer_yourselves_up_after_a_bad/
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I'm an emotional eater.

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[Rant/Rave] Seeing a new psychologist today, and I need to get something of my chest...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 11:41:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t9242/seeing_a_new_psychologist_today_and_i_need_to_get/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Fast help needed ! Will this scale work? I have my doubts but it's so concealable. Ty!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 11:37:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t918s/fast_help_needed_will_this_scale_work_i_have_my/
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https://imgur.com/gallery/nzX0D

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[Discussion] 9kg in ten days challenge
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 10:57:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t8sd8/9kg_in_ten_days_challenge/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to manage food
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 10:51:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t8r06/im_an_idiot_who_doesnt_know_how_to_manage_food/
---
[deleted]

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[Goal] Small scale victories
/u/Alkylhalides [5'2| 122.8 | 22.5 | UGW: 99 | 20 F]
Created: Fri Feb 10 08:42:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t7ykt/small_scale_victories/
---
Last week I posted about how much food I had eaten over the weekend and how scared I was of losing all my progress. I finally decided to cut the shit and step on a scale again so I at least know how much I've failed. To my surprise I was 128.6! Weighed in again yesterday and today, both time 128.6 and 128.4! And I cant fit into my size 8 jeans because they fall, only my old old old size 4's (pre-AE's vanity size bullshit) fit now. I haven't been under 130lbs since over four years ago, so this is super motivating.

I'm the worst at staying optimistic, but I hope this helps other people see that you can feel like you've hit rock bottom and that you're a fat failure and then just bounce back from it all. There's no people in my life I can share this happy moment with and I wouldn't be able to do it without this community, so thank you! Stray strong <3

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[Other] Hurts so good
/u/PullOnMyJeans [5'7|120lbs | GW 105 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 10 08:18:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t7thg/hurts_so_good/
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Yesterday was my birthday and there was wine and bud light with lime and weed. Man I got so drunk that i was throwing up everything. I had a 6-inch sub from Subway about 2 hours before I started drinking and I guess that sandwich was totally digested because I didn't throw up any food.

I drank like 1/2 cup water before I started puking (I think that's what sparked it) and all that I vomited was the water. Then i started dry heaving up like acidic spit? It tasted horrible. But i was so drunk and I had the spins so I went to hang out on the sofa with a small trash can close by and i was just lounged out and heaving. But my stomach was so empty.

Heaving was painful but knowing that my stomach was empty was good feeling.

It was just me and my homegirl at my house so it was a comfortable environment and my friend understood how it is sometimes so she didn't care I was dry heaving during the movie lol

I'd give my current hangover a 6 out of 10... mostly for dehydration and overall "i feel shitty-ness".

TL;DR birthday level fucked up: recommended

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[Rant/Rave] what is wrong with me?
/u/hayley_ [5' 10| 141 | 20.2 | -135 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 10 07:55:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t7oqp/what_is_wrong_with_me/
---
I used to be so strong, I could say no to any food put in front of me. I feel like I am slipping back into my old fatass ways and I am just going to gain back all the weight I worked so hard to lose. There were chips in the cupboard last night and I was doing so well yesterday at only 550cal but I have zero fucking self control so I ate a whole tube of pringles and half a FAMILY SIZED bag of ketchup chips. I wish I could say I woke up this morning disgusted but instead I just want to stuff my fat face all over again. I am so scared I will binge myself back to being an obese monster. I needed to post this to hold myself accountable. I can get to 135lbs, I can do it, I just need to hold on to the last bit of control I still have.

---

I like to doodle
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 07:26:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t7j6v/i_like_to_doodle/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/1fa187f4489545b48e637097a84f5e0e?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=0fb7351c3026e996d95b0638c401525e

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[Rant/Rave] Uh.. So... Laxatives and a small PSA for those considering them.
/u/PetulantPunk [5'5 | ?? | UGW: 97 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 10 07:19:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t7hzd/uh_so_laxatives_and_a_small_psa_for_those/
---
I tried lax for the first time... NEVER AGAIN! I rarely purge, but I would rather barf for days before taking one of those satan butt pills again... I thought I was going to pass out on the toilet and had to miss class. (No way I was risking shitting my pants on campus.)

Anyway, consider this a PSA; if you have not tried lax but have considered it, DON'T DO IT!! Please learn from mistake... Plus, black coffee with prunes and a couple liters of water works way more comfortably in my opinion.

---

20yo/m who just went through a rough breakup with the love of my life. I haven't ate in the three days it's been going on and I'm starting to embrace it? Is this normal?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 07:03:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t7f34/20yom_who_just_went_through_a_rough_breakup_with/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Binge logic
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 06:28:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t798p/binge_logic/
---
Ok so last night I binged pretty bad (man I hate myself) eating an entire pack of Pepperidge Farm Chocolate Brownie cookies (they weren't even that good tbh) and almost an entire jar of peanut butter. I just logged it in MFP as an entire jar of peanut butter. I didn't have the chance to throw out everything so when I woke up this morning I was just like well I logged the whole jar, might as well finish it. So yep, what a great start to my day.

---

[Help] Vegan meal replacements?
/u/thevegantaco [5'3 | 111.8 | 20.2 | -8.2 |]
Created: Fri Feb 10 05:35:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t7169/vegan_meal_replacements/
---
Does anyone know of any vegan meal bars or drinks (that aren't protein powders)?

One can be easy to munch/sip on during the day but a lot of them are pricey :(

Any suggestions or ideas are appreciated!

---

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! February 10, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Feb 10 05:10:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t6xmb/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for February 10, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

**Rules**

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host-- Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.

Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, inspiration behind your OOTD (trying to look thin or cover up weightloss, etc.)!

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 10, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Feb 10 05:10:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t6xlp/daily_food_diary_february_10_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 10, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Tip] Low Cal Dip
/u/vulpixies [5'4" | CW 123 | GW 110 | 23F]
Created: Fri Feb 10 01:59:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t68tv/low_cal_dip/
---
Chobani have a new range of dips out that float around 100 calories for the whole tub! Currently binging on the Chilli Lime Ranch Meze dip (117 calories) + cucumber sticks & not feeling guilty about it at all.

---

Low Cal Dip!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 10 01:53:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t6852/low_cal_dip/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] Is anybody waiting to dress how they want until they've hit their GW?
/u/_saisonenenfer [175cm | not thin :( | M]
Created: Fri Feb 10 01:06:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t632r/is_anybody_waiting_to_dress_how_they_want_until/
---
I was talking with my psychologist yesterday how I can't dress how I want to because I feel too overweight and I'd rather wait until I've hit my GW. And when I have I can buy clothes that will fit my new weight. I currently weigh 87kg (190lbs) and my gw is 55kg (120)
I just feel like I'd be confident and feel good about myself when i reach it.

I'd rather be beautiful wearing a bin bag than ugly in designer clothes.

Can anyone relate to this? I'm not crazy thinking like this?

---

Ana&Mia Gc
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 9 23:12:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t5oqg/anamia_gc/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] I'm terrified to go back to college because of food, how do I handle it?
/u/salviaplath_13 [5'1 | CW: 108 | 20.8 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 23:08:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t5o9b/im_terrified_to_go_back_to_college_because_of/
---
Sorry for the wall of text, but the backstory sheds light on my situation.


I started college in 2014. I went to a huge, well known state university a few hours from home. I had started binging my senior year of high school, and once I got a car it became super easy to buy/hide my binge foods. I had been relatively thin my fresh/soph years of high school from playing competitive volleyball year round, but started to pack on the weight after I quit playing, and due to my depression. Once I started college my depression & anxiety became crippling. I ended up hardly ever leaving my dorm room except to get food and go to class. I pretty much just ate my feelings the entire year, I would use my meal plan money on junk food and have binges in my dorm room. My idea of trying to "cut calories" was eating a burger and fries, but taking just the top bun off and using low fat mayo. I couldn't figure out why this wasn't working to lose weight so I went to the university clinic convinced I had a thyroid problem. I was initially in denial that I was getting fat because of my binges, I really wanted it to just be a medical problem I could fix with a pill. Obviously that was not the issue. The doctor told me my BMI was in the overweight category. I'm 5'1 and weighed 137 at the time. I weighed 105 when I played sports. I went to parties and clubbing a few times to try and be social, but I looked like a whale in "cute" (non-baggy) clothes and had zero self esteem. People must have picked up on the low self esteem and depression, because it made it even harder to make friends. I dropped out after I finished the year, and moved back to my parent's house because I was very suicidal.



Now a couple of years later, and I've lost almost all the weight. Everyday is a struggle, but I'm down to 110 now. Counting calories and carbs takes up so much of my focus, but it has been relatively easy to hide from people who aren't close to me. Still living with my parents, but they have known about my food issues for years (binging/purging/restricting) so I don't worry about it. I'm now re-enrolling in the same college this fall to finish my degree, because it's the only school in my state that offers this specialized program. I'm moving into one of the student-run cooperative living houses, because I can't afford the rent in the city and don't have a roommate. The houses are all cool, they're chill people who like to drink and party, and I really want to have the college experience I missed out on. BUT it's so important to me that I stay thin, I want to actually feel confident, date people, and go out to bars and parties. I still have self esteem issues from that nightmare year. At my lows, I see the fat girl with no friends in the mirror. I'm more confident in my appearance and my personality now, but I don't want to repeat the past. The co-ops all come with meal plans, part of the reason why the rent is so cheap is because you have to do "chores" (which includes cooking, cleaning). They have a big communal kitchen, but you eat the food they prepare, together. I have food phobias and off limits food groups, so I know this is going to be a problem.




I just hate how college is so food oriented, all people want to do is go out to eat! Everything revolves around food and alcohol. I don't even drink anymore because I get really sick, I can't do 6 shots like I used to at my HW. How do I stay thin and have social life? I feel like they're mutually exclusive for me right now. I don't want to constantly be turning down social opportunities because I can't eat. I also eat really weird meals when I do, and don't know how to hide that. I just want to seem laid back and easy going.

**TL;DR: I went to college almost 3 years ago, gained a lot of weight, was super depressed and suicidal. I'm now almost at my GW, but I'm going back to the same college this fall and am terrified of gaining it all back. I don't know how to avoid food and have a social life.**

---

How do people with mia drop weight so fast?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 9 23:05:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t5nsr/how_do_people_with_mia_drop_weight_so_fast/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] Gaining muscle and eating
/u/BeautifulApples [5'2.5" | 101.6lbs | 18.87 | -25.6 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 22:44:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t5ku5/gaining_muscle_and_eating/
---
I've recently started lifting, and I really want nice toned muscles. I know realistically I need to eat in order to be able to achieve the results I want. I don't know how to make myself eat without hating myself. What do you guys do? I usually eat an egg right after each work out, and then I usually stick to around 500-1200 calories a day(egg included). I want to be toned, but eating scares me. I want to be healthy, but whenever I eat more than I intend I freak out. I'm so frustrated with myself because I don't want my hard work at the gym to go to waste. I weighed two more pounds yesterday than I usually do and I've been obsessing about it all day. I just want to go back to restricting and feeling safe

---

[Rant/Rave] I think I'm slipping back into purging
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: 100 | -35 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 22:07:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t5ffh/i_think_im_slipping_back_into_purging/
---
To my lovely if you read this: I'm super sorry. I'm trying super hard, but you and I both know this is some sick, messed up disease.

Anyway, I don't even binge lately. I'll literally eat a few spoonfuls of ice cream, one granola bar, and I'll immediately have a compulsion to purge. Usually when I have this feeling I feel nauseous and kind of anxious, and purging relieves that like a dream. I'm not even purging to lose weight anymore... it's just such a lovely emotional fix.

God, why am I messed up. I don't want this.

---

[Rant/Rave] Went to town on a huge homemade malt
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 20:49:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t530i/went_to_town_on_a_huge_homemade_malt/
---
God it was delicious but I want to just take it back

My stomach hurts so fucking bad

It had the works too,
homemade chocolate covered walnuts
Caramel
Milk
Waffle cone ice cream
Malt powder


I am not eating for at least two days

I keep telling myself though that i needed the sugar boost but my stomach hurts so bad ugh

Anyone else have days like that? Just a huge sugar binge??


Also sorry I'm on mobile so no flair:(

---

[Other] Trader Joe's Favorites List
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 144.8 | 20.6 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 20:35:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t50q5/trader_joes_favorites_list/
---
So as a lazy college student Trader Joe's is basically my lifeblood– I thought I'd share some of my favorites here! Hopefully this can be a useful resource for the similarly TJ's-obsessed, especially if y'all let me know what I'm missing :)

***

**Carbs/Carb Substitutes**

* Frozen Riced Cauliflower (30 cal for 4 oz) – if anyone needs ideas on how to prepare this stuff, hit me upppp

* Milton’s Multigrain Bread (110 cal for a slice)

* Baby Dutch Yellow Potatoes (80 cal for 4 oz)

* Steel Cut Oats–Frozen (150 cal for 1 pack)


**Meat/Fish/Protein**

* Albacore Solid White Tuna in Water (120 cal for 1 can)

* Chicken Cilantro Mini Wontons (50 cal for 3-4 wontons, thanks u/Dumplingmeister!)

* Just Grilled Chicken Strips– Frozen (90 cal for 3 oz)

* Uncured Turkey Bacon (30 cal for 1 strip, 6g protein)


**Dairy/Dairy Substitutes**

* Vanilla Unsweetened Almond Milk (40 cal for 1 cup)

* Black Raspberry Nonfat Greek Yogurt (120 cal for 1 cup)

* Parmesan Cheese Shredded– Frozen (120 cal for 1/4 cup)


**Fruits and Vegetables**

* Lemons (20 cal each) – cut one up and mix it with water and stevia, mmmm so fancy and yummy

* Raspberries– Frozen (65 cal for 1/2 cup)

* Clementines/Cuties/Halos (35 cal each)

* 3 lb bag of Pink Lady apples (80 cal for 1 apple)

* Apple + Banana bars (90 cal for 1 bar)

* Pico de Gallo Salsa (10 cal for 2 Tbsp) – I eat this stuff straight out of the container, especially mixed with cut-up cucumber

* Reduced Guilt Guacamole (30 cal for 2 Tbsp)

* Cucumbers (25 cal for half a cucumber)

* Stir Fry Vegetables (45 cal for 1 cup)

* Baby Carrots (35 cal for 14 carrots)


**Snacks/Miscellaneous**

* Sour Cream and Onion Corn Puffs (52 cal for 1 cup)– buy at your own risk because I allllways binge on this stuff

* Reduced Guilt Air Popped Popcorn (44 cal for 1 cup)

* Meyer Lemon Cookie Thins (130 cal for 9 thins)

* Roasted Garlic Hummus (50 cal for 2 Tbsp)

* Organic Hummus (50 cal for 2 Tbsp)

* Reduced Guilt Spinach and Kale Dip (35 cal for 2 Tbsp)

* Vanilla Meringue Cookies (90 cal for 4)

* Mango Black Tea (0 cal)

* Peppermint Tea (0 cal)

---

[Rant/Rave] Weird rave. Binged but still 100 calories under my TDEE! [Rave]
/u/llamadude00
Created: Thu Feb 9 20:03:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t4v0g/weird_rave_binged_but_still_100_calories_under_my/
---
I calculated my binge as I ate. My binge was 1680 calories and my TDEE is around 1850 :')

Yay! It didn't completely kill my day.

---

[Rant/Rave] Why is food the apex of having a social life.
/u/HufflePuffPrid3 [4'11 | 84 | 17 | -19 | F ]
Created: Thu Feb 9 19:58:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t4u48/why_is_food_the_apex_of_having_a_social_life/
---
Everything is about food. Every meeting, event and social gathering involves food.

I'm struggling to find Valentine's plans that don't involve food. Can't really do anything outside because it's so cold.

Ugh.

---

[Discussion] No B/P this Lent [discussion]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 9 19:45:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t4rsu/no_bp_this_lent_discussion/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] [Discussion/Help] Zero Energy
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 9 18:59:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t4j9b/discussionhelp_zero_energy/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] I need this too often
/u/blondebynature [5'3" | CW: I'm scared of scales | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 18:26:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t4d8k/i_need_this_too_often/
---
http://i.imgur.com/QfVPVjn.jpg

---

[Other] Parents doing me a favor
/u/arcticanna [5'5 | CW 115 | CBMI 18.6 | UGW 98 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 18:11:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t4aak/parents_doing_me_a_favor/
---
My mom just yelled at me and declared that I'm not longer allowed to eat the food she makes or the groceries in the cupboards/fridge....
About to make this my longest fast ever. Starting now! :) I've always been shit at fasting so I'm hoping for at least 48 and then I'll buy myself some juice or a smoothie, then maybe 24 more if I'm lucky. We'll see how it goes.
I'll try to be raw vegan for as long as I can from here on out as well.

---

[Rant/Rave] For All You People in the Northeast...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 9 17:33:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t438p/for_all_you_people_in_the_northeast/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] For All You People in the Northeast...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 9 17:32:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t432d/rantrave_for_all_you_people_in_the_northeast/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] DAE find fasting apps and stuff like that unhelpful?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 9 17:31:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t42su/dae_find_fasting_apps_and_stuff_like_that/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] can't bear to look at myself
/u/bvvvg
Created: Thu Feb 9 17:17:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t405a/cant_bear_to_look_at_myself/
---
about a week ago i threw up, and it had some blood mixed in. not uncommon for me. then for the next three hours i was in the worst pain of my life, writhing on the floor and crying. i made a promise to myself then that when i felt better i would never make myself throw up again because i never wanted to feel like that again. the feeling passed and for the past couple of days ive been eating like a normal person and keeping it down

but this morning i looked in the mirror and i wanted to cry. i look so fat and stocky and ugly and disgusting. and my face has broken out completely. i want to throw up. i want to bang my head against a wall until i die. if this is 'recovery' i don't want any part of it

---

[Help] Anyone else just not shiver?
/u/stellaclaire [5' 10" | CW:140 | 19.58 | -90 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 16:52:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t3uze/anyone_else_just_not_shiver/
---
I mean, I get cold, significantly so at times, and I don't even realize until suddenly I notice that my head is all cloudy and my fingers are aching, because I never shivered. But I check my temperature and it's 94-95, and I end up taking a warm bath to get warm again.

---

[Rant/Rave] I don't know what to do.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 9 16:33:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t3qxm/i_dont_know_what_to_do/
---
I want to weigh myself but I'm afraid of what the number will be. I was to restrict my eating again but I'm afraid I'll snap and binge after a few days. I want to purge but no matter what I do I can't fucking just throw up. I want to ask for help but I don't want anyone to know I'm feeling this way. I want to go on a six mile run but it's below freezing and windy outside. I want to skip dinner but my dad's gonna know something is up.

I just don't know what to do. When I look in the mirror all I see is a failure of a person and I can't even get undressed alone without feeling like an ugly fat bitch. I just feel lost.

---

[Discussion] What are your experiences with fasting?
/u/greciamarzz
Created: Thu Feb 9 15:53:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t3idl/what_are_your_experiences_with_fasting/
---
What were your biggest struggles during that time ?

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[Rant/Rave] TMI I know
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Thu Feb 9 15:51:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t3hzb/tmi_i_know/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] DAE Find That Fasting is a Path to Plateau?
/u/TarotWoman88 [5'8''| BMI 26.6 | -115 |F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 14:51:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t33w9/dae_find_that_fasting_is_a_path_to_plateau/
---
I guess this is my "official" delurk after months of silent membership and a couple posts on the daily meal plans thread?

TL;DR: Diagnosed/medicated for BED, also have PCOS. Restriction tendencies, too, I guess (but because of said PCOS, I suspect my BMR is WAY low). Down ~100 pounds from high weight of 292. Massive family history of disordered eating (both Grandmothers died of ED before age 40, sister spent most of her teen years in residential treatment for An BUT my Mother is morbidly obese)...

Anyway, I've spent the last 5 weeks in a fasting/refeeding/sometimes binging cycle. I've seen SOME results for sure (I'm down about 12 pounds in 5 weeks), but I almost wonder if I'd be better off with just consistent restriction. I want a normal BMI by 5/1 SO BAD.

Has anyone else noticed that fasting cycles actually slow weight loss? How did you transition out of the cycle, especially with the panic around eating ANYTHING?

I know that fasting can lead to binging, but that's fortunately not too bad lately. The worst binge I've had in the last 3 weeks was maybe 1500 calories max in a day, which isn't horrible. I'm just psychologically struggling with the natural weight jump that comes when you resume eating after a fast from water and glycogen and stuff...

Anyway, would love to hear your experiences with fasting vs. consistent restriction, especially from lovelies who started at a higher BMI. Y'all are great-- thanks for your honesty on these challenging journeys.

---

[Rant/Rave] Currently in a dressing room having a panic attack
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | F | GW:115 | -17 | BMI 23.8]
Created: Thu Feb 9 13:58:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t2rrr/currently_in_a_dressing_room_having_a_panic_attack/
---
This is why I hate shopping. This is why i hide under large clothes. I hate myself. I hate myself so fucking much. I never eat, I moderately workout, why the fuck do I look like this??? I wish I could never leave my house.

---

[Discussion] [rant] DAE get super pissed at people who "cheat" through surgery?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 9 12:55:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t2dum/rant_dae_get_super_pissed_at_people_who_cheat/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Fail fail fail
/u/every_label
Created: Thu Feb 9 12:51:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t2cx6/fail_fail_fail/
---
Today was a bad day. Have had a few days of no gorging , no vomiting and feeling relatively okay. Today idk everything just felt different - was super bloated and ended up binging. I have been trying to break cycles of binge/purge but I just couldn't today. Currently in the gym .... I can't run ATM which is my normal release (serious leg injury) so am on the exercise bike. Going pretty high intensity. 2 hours 45 minutes done. Gonna try make it to 4.

---

Restricting while still living with family?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 9 12:49:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t2ce7/restricting_while_still_living_with_family/
---
[removed]

---

[Other] Tumblr thinspo blogs to follow!
/u/imelancholy [5'4" | CW: 145 | LW: 141 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 12:47:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t2bzf/tumblr_thinspo_blogs_to_follow/
---
Hi all! Hoping to get suggestions from you all for Tumblr thinspo blogs. I'd love to compile them all into a thread. If this already exists, let me know! Just wondering what your favorites are!
***
My Contributions:
http://daintyasalways.tumblr.com/
http://idontwanttobefat.tumblr.com/
http://daintywintergirl.tumblr.com/

---

Progress is progress, no matter how small!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 9 11:23:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t1rwu/progress_is_progress_no_matter_how_small/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/b2d8640e650f42f6bdc41dfb8f1ad4e8?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=cf7353cfb50f1b5c0dac38970b046ecc

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[Rant/Rave] Have been restricting but trying not to starve and managed to lose 5 lbs this week while drinking over 2L of water a day!
/u/adrestiaiscoming [5'9"| GW 110 | -11| F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 10:25:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t1dry/have_been_restricting_but_trying_not_to_starve/
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So recently I had a setback where a friend called out my weight gain after surgery, and it really shook me up and made me not eat. I'm terrified of slipping down the slope again because I finally got out of anorexia two years ago after a decade and a half of this bullshit. So I have been restricting my calories to about 500-900 for the last week to "jump-start" it and just start losing a little of the extra to motivate myself and I haven't felt freaked out. Last night I did purge a little because I had a couple of bites of my friend's ice cream at her insistence because "i never eat" and just immediately freaked out and puked it up. Other than that, I have managed to make my calories healthy and nutritious but still on the low side. I guess now I just need to make sure that I'm paying attention and not letting this take over my life. Anyway, 5 lbs down!

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[Help] New low weight to be potentially ruined by an entire 4 days of birthday/anniversary celebrations
/u/slimbakerbitch [5'8.5" | 129 | 19.05 | F24]
Created: Thu Feb 9 10:09:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t19e0/new_low_weight_to_be_potentially_ruined_by_an/
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I finally got below 135 after a 5-month plateau/maintenance thing. Now, the next four days I have various dinners, dates, and social outings with family and friends to celebrate my birthday (tomorrow) and my anniversary (Sunday.)

Question: Is it ok to EC stack with the anticipation of having a couple drinks? I'm hoping it would help my tipsy bingey behavior.

Ideally, I know self-control would be better, but I know myself too well for that to be successful in these settings.

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[Help] Purging questions??
/u/ambiguouslyreal [5'2.5"| 100.4 | 18.64 | -32lb | F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 10:00:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t171y/purging_questions/
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So I started purging more and more recently after having not done it consistently for about six (?) years. But now I'm more of a """"health food nut"""" in that high calorie foods and bready things terrify me. However holy dang I've been slipping. I'm certain I've gained weight, but I don't have access to a scale and I'm terrified about it. Anyway, I have two questions:

Has anyone had experience purging after high fiber meals/days? I had been taking Metamucil and trying to purge after that was absolutely terrible but after I stopped I think it got easier? I dunno. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

And also: I've started being able to vomit without sticking my fingers down my throat if I have done it once. Like after the initial, I'll be able to keep going. But oh my gosh I get the weirdest headaches after and I have no idea why/if I can make them better? If anyone knows what this is or has a link to what might be causing this (and how much harm I'm doing to myself...) please let me know.

You are all lovely humans and I am so glad to have access to this community where I can ask such personal questions without anyone knowing it is me. I hope you're all doing well, whatever your definition of "well" may be ❤️

(Don't know how to flair on mobile, but will try my darnedest)

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[Thinspo] Rooney Mara is my ultimate thinspo
/u/EmpireStateBitch [5'4" | CW 120 | GW 115 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 08:33:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t0mli/rooney_mara_is_my_ultimate_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/gr932soyouey.jpg

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[Help] Pregnant....I need support. I respect everyone's beliefs but please don't read if you are pro-life. I really need someone to talk to.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 9 08:29:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t0loa/pregnanti_need_support_i_respect_everyones/
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As I've been slipping into a relapse and after losing 10 lbs in two weeks - I noticed my period was late. I am regular as heck and track it on my phone. My SO and I are in couples therapy - barely holding it together. We have a 14 year history with 12 of those years happened along with physical and verbal abuse.

I'm 27. I cannot have a baby.

I took a pregnancy test. Positive. Went to the doctor to have the most invalidating experience I have ever had where they announced I was 5 1/2 weeks pregnant. Along with the horrible doctor's experience -- I am just a wreck. They wouldn't help me with a medical abortion. I have an appointment scheduled on Tuesday at a clinic.

I am worried about losing my job because my depression and anxiety cause me to miss work so much as is. I spent yesterday in tears and am sitting at work, staring at a blank screen -- angry, sad, alone.

I haven't told anyone the truth. I'm a total mess.
I can't eat (bummer....). I can't sleep. I want to die.

I don't know what I am looking for. I feel like I am in a grey fog.
And I see this as the world's biggest reason to crawl back into AN and I want to. I can't feel this. And I feel like I am being a baby :(

Edit: wow. I feel such support...guys you are the best people alive :( Thank you so much for being here for me today. This is my 4th account here so I recognize a lot of your usernames. Hopefully I'll stick around with this one for a while <3

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[Other] [OTHER] Well, yesterday went well...
/u/desperate_housecat [5'2" | CW: 116 GW: 109 UGW: 99 | 21.2 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 08:23:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t0kc7/other_well_yesterday_went_well/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/88aa588d9dcc486aace94c160514f721?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=010cdee6d1da8e6c941e3de1f829aa72

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[Rant/Rave] I got so drunk 2 weeks ago that I still can't eat?!
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.4 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 08:21:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t0jx9/i_got_so_drunk_2_weeks_ago_that_i_still_cant_eat/
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My friend played a show about two weeks ago and we went to a bar afterward and I got absolutely HAMMERED. I've posted on here before, ranting about how much I hate alcohol and I can't stop drinking and it just fucks up everything for me, but after this night... I haven't wanted to drink OR EAT(!?) for this entire time. I used to drink every. single. night. prior to the night at the bar and I've only drunk twice since. I've also had absolutely no appetite nad have lost about 7lbs so far. I'm just going to milk this as long as I possibly can. It's a little sad how I'm not concerned about what might be happening to my health to make me feel this way... I'm just happy that I'm not thinking about food.

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[Goal] Finally broke the plateau!!!
/u/tokkibun [5'8 | 110 | GW: 104 | NB-afab]
Created: Thu Feb 9 08:19:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t0jjy/finally_broke_the_plateau/
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After WEEKS of never seeing the scale go below 116, and a couple days of freaking out because I thought I was at 119: I stepped on the scale today after avoiding it for 24 hours and I'm down to 114.4!! Y'all have no idea what a relief to me this is, I was convinced that I'd be at 116 forever 😅 I've been working really hard and I'm finally starting to see results. I hope everyone has a great day as well 0:- )

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[Rant/Rave] Unsupportive ex on my mind, has this happened to you?
/u/skinny-waifu [5'2|HW 150 |CW 121|LW 113|F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 08:05:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t0gt3/unsupportive_ex_on_my_mind_has_this_happened_to/
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I had this boyfriend last year who was incredibly toxic. He would take everything that's wrong with me and pretend he had it much worse. I had confided in him that I had an ED.. surprise surprise he had one too (even though I knew he was just trying to downplay me and even lied about having to go to the hospital about it). Main thing that bothered me was that I was getting better, but I could only eat when someone else was eating with me. Just kind of a comfort thing. There were a few times when I would stay at his place and ask him if he would eat a slice of toast with me... and he wouldn't. He told me that he didn't want to get fat? I would be on the verge of tears eating a slice of toast and he'd just ignore me. He only had this ED when he was around me. Whaaatt?? Just a little rant, hopefully someone here will understand?

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Any weird/unpopular/obscure fasting advice?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 9 07:50:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5t0dvc/any_weirdunpopularobscure_fasting_advice/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] HALF A CUP (rant)
/u/Fit4me123
Created: Thu Feb 9 05:58:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sztwn/half_a_cup_rant/
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I asked my SO to make me coffee this morning and he comes back with it. I take a sip and start logging the calories, usually he goes a little heavy on the creamer but I don't mind because it's all I have until dinner. BUT, I asked him how much creamer he put in and he said 1/2 maybe 1 cup?? That's so much!! Now there's no way I'm drinking the coffee. Oh and the amount of sugar sitting in the bottom of the cup is sickening. Do you guys ever let people make something for you and almost have a heart attack when they tell you how much of something they put in it? Or an unnecessary fattening ingredient? It stresses me out so much!!

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support February 09, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Feb 9 05:07:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5szmro/weekly_emotional_support_february_09_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 09, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Feb 9 05:07:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5szmqy/daily_food_diary_february_09_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 09, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] For those of you who have experienced trauma, would you change your past if you could?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 9 02:27:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sz0ym/for_those_of_you_who_have_experienced_trauma/
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[deleted]

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Why would I binge on fiber cookies?
/u/thetempestinme [5'8" | 135 | 19.72 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 01:54:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5syx0r/why_would_i_binge_on_fiber_cookies/
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[removed]

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PRO-ED Group Message!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 9 01:40:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5syvhk/proed_group_message/
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[removed]

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[Help] Low cal yummy fruits?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 9 00:34:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5synys/low_cal_yummy_fruits/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] if it didn't hurt, it would be easier to ignore.
/u/siamesealmeidaa [height:5'6" | CW:120lbs | BMI:19.4 | weight lost:18lb | gender:F]
Created: Thu Feb 9 00:27:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5syn5b/if_it_didnt_hurt_it_would_be_easier_to_ignore/
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it's funny how I finally break my plateu and then eat myself into a fucking coma. my stomach is bulging and my mouth tastes like food. I swear I make a post like this every week. my stomach hurts so fucking bad. someone please punch me in the gut.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm just so confused.
/u/bo0youwhore [5'4" | Lost: 9lb | CW: 110 | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 23:35:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sygbg/im_just_so_confused/
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I went from 110 --> 119 --> back down to 111 pounds this week. I hate how much my weight fluctuates. I'm not a large person, I truly don't understand why or how my weight fluctuates so much but I really hate it.

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[Discussion] Scales...
/u/puddleclub [5'8" | cw: 180.8 | gw: 130 | bmi: 27.07 | -6.9 | f]
Created: Wed Feb 8 22:30:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sy6sw/scales/
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on mobile, discussion

DAE not own a scale? we've just never had one in my home and i'm thinking of getting one, but i'm afraid it'll make my ed worse and make me want to restrict more? part of me believes the ignorance is bliss and i can maybe just see my weight loss in the way my clothes fit.

sometimes (maybe every couple of weeks) i'll weigh myself at my grandma's house.

have you found owning a scale more or less motivating?

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[Goal] I fit into a size 4 for the first time in my entire life and I have a 25" waist!!!!
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 139.1 | 22.54 | -9.1 | 21F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 22:18:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sy4zm/i_fit_into_a_size_4_for_the_first_time_in_my/
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So I was always pretty chubby, even as a kid. I jumped from large kid sizes to a size 8 when i was like 14ish. Then up to 14s after college year one. I've been living in 6s for the past year from Express and other stores. I just tried on 4s from express and they fucking fit!!! (each of my legs is 1" smaller in circumference). I was inspired and measured my waist. Usually it's 26", but tonight it was 25" :D :D i know express has horribly vanity sized pants (as indicated by the fact that im tempted to try on 2s), but that number is a "skinny girl" number, and inspired me to finish up day 2 of my fast and make sure that it's real.

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[Rant/Rave] "Prizes" for weight loss
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 8 21:29:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sxx3e/prizes_for_weight_loss/
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I have a list of "prizes" so to speak if I lose X amount of weight. I will buy the first item when I lose 5 pounds. So far I've lost 1, but I'm pretty sure I gained it plus more after my freak out binge yesterday. I want the bag I picked out soooo bad and I still can't manage to drop 5 pounds for it??? WTF is wrong with me?! After I drop the initial 5 pounds I have my "prizes" set in 3-pound intervals. I love getting new clothes/purses/wallets/shoes/makeup that makes me feel pretty and successful. UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I can't have food around me ever. I have no control. Today I took an extra kpin to keep my appetite down and clear thinking in check. As soon as I start feeling anxious I will go for food.

I want that stuff so freaking bad I almost bought it without meeting my goals, but I had a reality check and told myself NO

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[Discussion] Coffee
/u/Castoroilexperiment [5'6 | 95 | 29F| 17]
Created: Wed Feb 8 21:03:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sxsu4/coffee/
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I have worked nights for 7 years, but only recently became a huge coffee aeddict in the past year since having my second child.


I would just like to profess my love for this delicious, amazing, energy filled drink.


Coffee+liquid splenda+ splash of almond milk= love. On ice or hot. 15 calories. I can't believe it took me this long. I

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[Rant/Rave] already 170 cals over...
/u/ThroeAwaymeron [5'2" | 104.4 | 19.78 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 21:01:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sxsin/already_170_cals_over/
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...and still sipping a mug of broth to keep me from doing something worse.

I swear I used to have self-control. I went months in high school on 300-400 no problem and a decade later this old lady is having hard keeping it in the 600 range...sigh...

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Therapists of Reddit, do you stalk your clients on the internet?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 8 20:53:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sxr3w/therapists_of_reddit_do_you_stalk_your_clients_on/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] A new low, but not in terms of weight
/u/feli0n [5'6"|109|17.66|-27|F??]
Created: Wed Feb 8 20:26:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sxmgl/a_new_low_but_not_in_terms_of_weight/
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Yours truly just drank toilet water to flush while purging. Thank you, stupid brain. For some reason I thought leaving the stall in a public restroom would be worse than possibly ingesting fecal matter.

Why am I like this. For real, why.

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[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend doesn't get it
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 18:45:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sx4as/boyfriend_doesnt_get_it/
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So my boyfriend isn't exactly aware of my eating habits. But I told him today that I want to lose twenty pounds and it kind of upset him. He said that's a lot of weight for me to lose, etc.
I tried to explain I would still be well within a healthy weight range but he thought it was just too much.
I also talked to him about how I used to be overweight and I've lost 30 pounds.
He said he didn't notice a difference.
Cool.

(Oh yeah I'm on mobile but this is a rant I guess)

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[Intro] Starting again?
/u/silkangels
Created: Wed Feb 8 18:31:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sx1nm/starting_again/
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Hey guys, I don't know who to talk to so i'm posting here. Last two months have been terrible - after a recovery attempt that started around August last year i gained around 30 lbs (which put me at a healthy BMI...kill me) but that's it. My mindset hasn't changed, so now i'm stuck in a fat body with an anorexic mind lol. At least I was happy back then, now i can't seem to get the most basic things done because i can't concentrate on anything besides feeling shit because i binge so much/feeling hungry because of trying to make up for the binges/thinking about food. I'm tired all the time, hate myself and i haven't been going out at all.

With that being said, I just started a new fast on the Zero fasting app. I will fast until I can't fast any longer and will NOT binge again. This might sound too optimistic, but i've had enough of my shit and i know that the more i do this, the harder it will be to stop.

That's it. I had to tell someone because I feel like it keeps me accountable. Thank you all, I hope you're having an okay day 💕

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[Rant/Rave] Why do the shits happen after you do extremely low intake up to a normal intake???
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 18:00:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5swvtx/why_do_the_shits_happen_after_you_do_extremely/
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Can't flair on mobile:(


You are about to read a definite TMI post but I don't know how else to spend this time on this white thrown.


After weeks of eating less than 1000 calories, I decided I needed to up my intake as I hit a plateau and needed to maybe shake things up a bit. I was also experiencing low energy and overall like I was going to die.


I took my intake to around 1500-1700 calories (idk I've not been tracking but not really bingeing either).


Cue the shits.


I thought you all were lying and I had forgotten how it was the last time I relapsed my ED 6 years ago but fucking hell have mercy on my asshole, please.


I had two pieces of pizza with hot sauce last night and I'm regretting every bite. :(


WHY ME

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[Help] How do I look normal?
/u/woollyshirt [17.5 BMI | Trying to Maintain | M]
Created: Wed Feb 8 17:40:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5swrz2/how_do_i_look_normal/
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This feels like a weird thing to ask, but there's nowhere better suited than here!

I quite like fruit, but I also need to weigh my food precisely. If I were to weigh apples/bananas/etc, and then take the core/peel home with me to weigh..would people question me for not binning the core/peel? I could just tell them I'm going to compost it if asked and I think logically the answer is 'do what works for you because it's not like they will stop you or even care or notice' but I guess I need some reassurance and just want to double check that a giant 'this person has an eating disorder' neon sign won't magically appear above my head for this.

I don't really want to buy or eat processed/packaged foods as much as I can and putting an apple or a banana in my bag is a quick and cheap snack, but this worry about it being a giant eating disorder giveaway is holding me back. :(

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[Tip] Fasting tips?
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Wed Feb 8 17:22:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5swo8s/fasting_tips/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Does weight gain on medication make you crazy too?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 8 16:52:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5swial/does_weight_gain_on_medication_make_you_crazy_too/
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I have been taking some stuff for a tooth issue, and gained 10 lb seemingly over night. Well today I woke up 10 lb lighter. The random weight fluctuations are making me crazy even though I keep telling myself I'm eating under my BMR and it's not real weight.

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[Intro] Fitbit Friends?
/u/puddleclub [5'8" | cw: 180.8 | gw: 130 | bmi: 27.07 | -6.9 | f]
Created: Wed Feb 8 16:29:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5swdgg/fitbit_friends/
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Hi! My name is Mars and I'm new here but not new to my ED unfortunately 😔 I've sort of been lurking through this subreddit and you all seem very nice and just a loving community of people 🌻 I just got a fitbit today because I love data and I was wondering if anyone wanted to be friends on there! Let me know~ 🐥

sorry no flair, on mobile

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[Help] Throwing up involuntarily?
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Wed Feb 8 16:23:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5swcbd/throwing_up_involuntarily/
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I've been fasting since Monday night and today I have just felt so sick and even passed out in the middle of the day so I had some carrots, and felt horribly nauseous. Then about 20 minutes after eating I went to go to the bathroom and threw up??? I didn't mean to do it so I'm just really nervous since it was my first time eating since Monday now I'm scared to eat again... has anyone had this happen before?

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[Rant/Rave] I feel like I don't deserve to have sex
/u/betterthrow [5'7" | CW 175 | GW 145? | BMI 27 | -32 | 22F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 16:14:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5swaf4/i_feel_like_i_dont_deserve_to_have_sex/
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I don't know wtf is going on in my brain recently, but now that I've lost a fair bit of weight, I feel like I don't deserve to have sex while I'm still this fat.

I feel like if when I hook up with someone, I'm inflicting my body on them. Logically I know there are still plenty of guys who are into what I've got going on, and when I was this weight on the way up to my HW I still felt totally fine and sexy, but now all of the sudden I don't. And I feel like it's especially weird because some days I can look at myself in the mirror and think "hot damn, I look good, if I look like this now imagine how much better I'll look when I'm thin" but even on those good days I still don't think I should get to have sex.

It sucks because I used to go on dates all the time and I loved meeting new people (and tmi but I have a crazy high sex drive and yet haven't had sex in several months now) and now I feel like I don't deserve to go out with anyone until I'm at a lower weight. Motivation to keep on track, I guess...

This has just been bouncing around in my head for a while and I needed to get it out. Thanks for listening.

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[Rant/Rave] Lunch at School Update
/u/NaejNire [5'9 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 16:12:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5swa4n/lunch_at_school_update/
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Today, I brought a rather small lunch to school and my teacher being nosey, BOUGHT me a school lunch. And had me eat it. I couldn't deny it because she spent money on it and she stared me down the whole time I ate.

It was mozzarella sticks. So greasy. Why why why..

People need to mind their own business. I can't do this every single day.

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[Help] Constant terrible hunger and clear gain
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 8 16:06:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sw8sq/constant_terrible_hunger_and_clear_gain/
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[deleted]

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Estimating body fat by eye
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 8 15:50:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sw5ho/estimating_body_fat_by_eye/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] does anyone else feel like others are thinner when they technically aren't?
/u/eggtitties
Created: Wed Feb 8 14:45:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5svr32/does_anyone_else_feel_like_others_are_thinner/
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my best friend is so fucking tiny and I'm so jealous of her....I always feel so fat when I'm with her. the weird thing, is that she's 5'1 and 102 lbs and I'm 5'4 and 100....why do I look so much bigger? 😭 it happens so much

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[Rant/Rave] Omg omg omg
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 14:36:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5svp9r/omg_omg_omg/
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You guysssss! I just got complimented twice within like five minutes from two different people!! Both are coworkers. The first one said "are you losing weight?" And the second one said "you're getting skinny!" I'm so fucking happy. The weird thing is now I want to eat even less today. I wanna keep this trend going!!

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) can't trust anything or why I have constant anxiety
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 14:26:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5svn4c/rant_cant_trust_anything_or_why_i_have_constant/
---
So I knew you couldn't trust food. Unless it was measured. So I figured I could combat that issue with way over guesstimating. And as annoying as it I could live with that. Or just eat prepackaged.

Then I discovered that prepackaged lies. (Insert first meltdown here lol).

And I was all fuck it I'll work out. Then I realized the work out machines were way off. That the calories aren't right an overestimate. (Insert big panic here)

Then my scale has been iffy. I can't trust it.

I can't trust the mirror (we all know that's a mistake).

My clothes have felt like they fit me at 120 the same at 140.

And I have a fear of measuring tape cause I feel like I'm doing it wrong.

I feel trapped. Like I can't trust anything. I want to hide under the bed until I'm withered away and I'm sure even then I won't trust it.

---

[Discussion] High weight restriction
/u/elttil_snatas
Created: Wed Feb 8 14:04:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5svi7k/high_weight_restriction/
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I've noticed that not a lot of people here have starting weights very high and so I was wondering if there were any other people like me with a super high sw like 180? I have been reading that it's bad to just jump right into extreme restriction like <500 because your body will plateau much more easily and at a higher weight than say if you eased into it.

I've been trying to convince myself to eat more because I don't want this to happen (some part of me is convinced I have to get to my gw as quickly as possible) but I just can't seem to convince myself that eating is okay. I tried to eat lunch, managed 34 calories worth of food and then had to give up because seeing an intake higher than 600 (I've already entered dinner) on myfitnesspal just freaked me out!

So I suppose I'm asking two questions here... Is anyone else starting at a high weight like me?
And do any of y'all experience similar freak outs even if you had the food planned/whatever?

On mobile, can't flair- discussion

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Safe foods?
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed Feb 8 13:59:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5svh1k/safe_foods/
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[removed]

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I'll draw a thin version of you!
/u/petitewinter
Created: Wed Feb 8 13:59:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5svh1j/ill_draw_a_thin_version_of_you/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I don't understand weight "set points"
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 13:24:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sv8so/i_dont_understand_weight_set_points/
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I mean, I understand the concept generally, but I don't understand how it can practically be thought of us accurate with the state of the food industry as it is. Like, yeah, people (without eating disorders) could naturally maintain a weight by listening to what their body wants. But, since SO much disgusting processed food is available and virtually forced on (or I guess into) people, modern people's hormones that control their weight and hunger don't work anymore because the processed foods disrupt those hormones. At least that's how I understand it.

It just annoys me that this idea is being promoted when, in general, processed foods and refined sugar are addicting and everywhere. It just doesn't seem practical.

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[Discussion] Does anyone else feel like exercising doesn't do anything?
/u/exmorbidly [5'7 | 176lbs | -104lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 13:08:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sv53f/does_anyone_else_feel_like_exercising_doesnt_do/
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I don't know if my body is weird or what. But on weeks where I stick to 800 cals a day and don't exercise, I always lose weight. But if I eat like 1000 and burn off 400 calories (ex. an hour on an elliptical) through exercise, it seems to make me stall. And I don't think it's just water weight, because even when I stop exercising, my weight doesn't go down to where it should be. Is it possible my body just barely burns anything through exercise? I have treated hypothyroid and exercise has never seemed to help me with my weight, sometimes I wonder if that's related somehow. I just don't trust exercise to help me with weight loss at all. I'd rather just purely restrict and see the weight drop consistently. Idk. Just wondering how exercise affects your guys' weight?

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed Feb 8 13:05:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sv4gn/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/6de91a694c18449790a7432593e938fc?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=0b4ca13224a5d2ce64b60ad92409697f

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Lunch today
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 147.2 | 22.1 | -3 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 12:59:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sv31p/lunch_today/
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[removed]

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[Intro] I'm back.
/u/mind_bodygames [5'4" | 119.8 | 20.97 | -21 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 12:49:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sv0xf/im_back/
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My head's a mess. I was posting a lot this past summer/fall after my first relapse in many years. I was diagnosed almost 10 years ago with anorexia and have been "recovered" for a few years until this summer.

I know I should want recovery, but my behaviours are all I have. I'm so lonely and life is moving so fast and this is the only comfort I have.

So hi, I'm back, and I hate myself.

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[Rant/Rave] Free Donuts (Rave)
/u/MechanicClemency [5'4" |CW118 lb // GW 110lb | 20.83| 11 lb| Female]
Created: Wed Feb 8 12:32:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5suwqm/free_donuts_rave/
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Today in class someone brought free donuts for the class, and I didn't eat a damn one. My biggest struggle is when it comes to free food. If there's free food, as a college student, I have been conditioned to jump at the chance regardless of its nutritional value.
But, I didn't eat the free donuts. I'm REALLY proud of myself, even though it seems like a small victory. I also noticed that all the pretty lithe creatures in the class stayed sitting, while the blob fishes indulged in the bleached sugar treats.

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[Rant/Rave] maintaining is so hard :(
/u/fruitygrimes [5'5 | CW 123 | BMI 20.47 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 12:27:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5suvl2/maintaining_is_so_hard/
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i have important exams in school this week and i decided it would be best to up my calories to maintenance til they're over so that i'm able to study and concentrate better. and i mean, i am finding i feel less like a zombie. but it's SO HARD.
i feel so. HUGE. i genuinely feel as if i'm gaining back all the weight i've lost over the past few months even though i know i couldn't possibly be. even my face feels chubbier?? also i can't stop staring at what all my friends eat for lunch and i feel terrible coz it feels like i'm eating so much more than all of them. and to top it all off i am suuuper bloated.
i knew i would hate this, but damn lol

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[Discussion] DAE use not doing chores as an excuse not to eat?
/u/elttil_snatas
Created: Wed Feb 8 11:52:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5suna9/dae_use_not_doing_chores_as_an_excuse_not_to_eat/
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Allow me to elaborate... When I do all of my daily tasks -clean the house, do the laundry, groom myself, etc.- I feel proud of myself and like I deserve a reward... which always ends up being food. So i purposefully ignore my responsibilities and tell myself I don't deserve to eat because I haven't done this, that or the other thing.

I don't really know why but it's a huge motivator for me despite making me seem like a lazy piece of shit. Anyone else?

Edit: on mobile, can't flair- discussion

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[Tip] Good Posture Reminder!
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 11:14:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5suduf/good_posture_reminder/
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We all want to look like dainty pretty ladies but remember to act like one too!


Remember to always have your shoulders pushed back and down (feels weird, looks good), and use your stomach muscles to keep your body straighter. Also, when walking, lead slightly with your hips (with your chest if you're a guy). Keep your chin parallel to the ground, and hit the ground with your heel first, and then roll onto your toe.


Good posture will burn (almost an insignificant amount of) calories, and will create allure. Stay sexy everyone!

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[Help] How do you break a fast properly
/u/sxdk
Created: Wed Feb 8 11:03:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sub9x/how_do_you_break_a_fast_properly/
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After I've got the first day down, I'm fine with fasting for a days but breaking the fast is my issue.

When I start feeling weak and tired I know it's time to have something small and healthy. Although it usually ends with a binge later on in the evening...

What do you guys do to prevent big binges from happening?

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[Help] gaining weight after workout?
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 146.1 | 21.1 | GW1 149 | GW2 145]
Created: Wed Feb 8 10:43:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5su5z9/gaining_weight_after_workout/
---
Last night I did an intense workout class & woke up very sore. Weighed myself, and I gained a pound from yesterday even though my net was only 200 calories. It has to be water because there is no way its fat. But this just discourages me from working out if I'm going to be bloated and sore the next day. Does this happen to anyone else?

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[Rant/Rave] i never really thought anyone cared
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 139 | GW: 90 | F/18]
Created: Wed Feb 8 10:08:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5stxmn/i_never_really_thought_anyone_cared/
---
someone i'd consider my best friend (even though im not hers and it kinda hurts) and i were working on a project yesterday and we got on the topic of eating disorders. now she's the only person that i currently still talk to often that really has discussed my ED with me. i've had it for five years now and she has always said the first time she met me she knew something was off because i was like 90 lbs then and my legs and everything looked very underdeveloped and all that.

my friend actually mentioned that she was worried about me going to college because she hopes i don't sink back in my old habits. i feel so guilty. i have been but those habits make me feel so much better! she only had good intentions telling me this but it makes me upset. i didn't know that anyone really sat and thought about how i'm going to be in the future. i always thought nobody did and it was just me. i guess it's one of the reasons we're good friends. she said she doesn't want me to hurt myself because she really is glad to have me in her life. she's also someone who understands my habits- she's had issues with self harming a lot over the years and much longer than i have. so she understands the mindset a little.

however i feel awful because ive been sinking back into these habits because i like them. and i have been hoping that in college i would lose even more weight because it'd be easier to avoid food and get rid of it. so it sucks that she indirectly knows what my intentions already are. i don't like when non-disordered people know my behaviors. i just dont want my friend to be worried about me.

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I'll draw a thin version of you!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 8 09:42:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5strko/ill_draw_a_thin_version_of_you/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Hi, my name is Bloated for No Fucking Reason
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 8 09:26:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5stnsw/hi_my_name_is_bloated_for_no_fucking_reason/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Mom told me to "catch anorexia for a few months"
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 08:55:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5stgpk/mom_told_me_to_catch_anorexia_for_a_few_months/
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TLDR told my mom I'm pretty sure my friend has anorexia 5'4" and 91lbs, lost like 10 lbs in under a month, never eats or has one bite and is done, and she told me I should catch it for a few months. If only she fucking knew half of my weight issues came from her constant nagging me about how fat I've become. My EDNOS is binging then restricting, so in a way I already have had it for years. I just laughed about it when I was alone again. Trying real fucking hard to not let this trigger a binge rn because I just hit my lowest weight in like 4mo.

On mobile can't flare. Rant.

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This morning I stupidly decided to try on an old pair of low-rise size 0 jeans from abercrombie
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 8 08:22:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5st9rn/this_morning_i_stupidly_decided_to_try_on_an_old/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] Do you guys have any suggestions for short-girl thinspo?
/u/caseydoeswords [5'0 | c:120 | cgw:100 | 25f]
Created: Wed Feb 8 08:19:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5st92q/do_you_guys_have_any_suggestions_for_shortgirl/
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Hello!

I've been looking for some new thinspo (and a new thinspo phone background) but am looking specifically for shorter girls. I'm only 5'0 so thinspo of super gorgeous, leggy models is an aspiration I will never, ever achieve. Lol.

Who are some of your short, petite inspirations? c:

(Also, has anyone noticed that you can't find *any* thinspo backgrounds on Tumblr bc they've blocked the tags? Ugh! I love the user edits. Waaaaaah.)

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[Rant/Rave] so last night i told my boyfriend i have an eating disorder.
/u/tinybites [5'6" 24F | cw: 142.4 | gw: 115 | -42.6 lbs]
Created: Wed Feb 8 08:14:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5st80u/so_last_night_i_told_my_boyfriend_i_have_an/
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i dont know why, i just wanted to tell someone. it hurts knowing i have this big secret from him. i was so scared i was visibly shaking but his response was amazing. he said he kinda knew, and was a little worried but is supportive. he even confessed he hates his body image but is "too lazy to do anything about it". we ended up talking about it for like 2 hours and it was actually a nice feeling. it was always so easy to hide from him because i work a 7-4 job so we only eat dinner together and he thinks i totally eat like a normal person, when in reality i don't eat breakfast, or lunch and eat a small dinner around 300 calories.

i told him i dont want to recover and i just need some support sometimes and he said he'll always be there and won't pry, unless i become severely underweight. he also said he'll never tell anyone and he still loves me with all his heart. guy, i'm so fucking lucky to have this man. he's so wonderful and understanding.

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[Tip] [tip] Has anyone ever heard of this brand before? Was a bit cheaper than monster
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 139.1 | 22.54 | -9.1 | 21F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 07:56:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5st3w8/tip_has_anyone_ever_heard_of_this_brand_before/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/ae65d0001a674fb8a1c5b7df4c034ee0?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=12a4549528bb7638c225f86020755fd8

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[Rant/Rave] I've ACTUALLY made some progress
/u/PizzaInMyUrethra [5'5" | CW: INSANE | GW1: 150 | 24F]
Created: Wed Feb 8 05:36:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ssfth/ive_actually_made_some_progress/
---
Mobile, can't flair! Rant / rave

Recently I've been stuck in a miserable spiral of restricting, not seeing results, binging, not seeing results.

For the first time since reaching my highest weight ever, I've lost 5lbs this week.

I'm still a whale, but I never ever thought I'd even lose 1 pound no matter what I did.

Crazy-brain-logic was wrong this time, thank god.

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday February 08, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Feb 8 05:09:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ssc01/way_to_go_wednesday_february_08_2017/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for February 08, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 08, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Feb 8 05:09:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ssbze/daily_food_diary_february_08_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 08, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] The mirror lies
/u/_saisonenenfer [175cm | not thin :( | M]
Created: Wed Feb 8 03:10:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sruhw/the_mirror_lies/
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Some times when I look at myself in the bathroom mirror I can think, "hey, I don't look so bad/fat/ugly". but I just plugged in my webcam after a long time to see how I really look and I just realized I am all of those things. I look fucking horrible. i feel so incredibly ugly

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[Help] How to tell if losing if afraid of the scale
/u/every_label
Created: Wed Feb 8 03:02:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5srte9/how_to_tell_if_losing_if_afraid_of_the_scale/
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So I hate weighing myself (as the number is always too large and causes wild fluctuations in my mood based on a number on the scale. I suffer from body dysmorphia so a lot of the normal measures of how to tell if I am losing are out the window. Any suggestions on how i can track changes? i know I could use my clothes as a guide or a measuring tape but they aren't really useful for small changes that will help fuel my motivation.

I have been thus contemplating starting to weigh myself again - initially it will cause me severe distress though - but might help with the lovely motivational landslide that is seeing small decreases as a reward for starving yourself all day (or at least trying to).

How do you all track changes? Any advice for me about the weighing thing?

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[Help] I need a friend who can help keep me in check
/u/Madlight1994
Created: Wed Feb 8 01:16:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5srhll/i_need_a_friend_who_can_help_keep_me_in_check/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] DAE Gain weight around time of your period?
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 22:05:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sqrxq/dae_gain_weight_around_time_of_your_period/
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For those of you who have periods, do you tend to gain weight a few days before or around the start of your period? I'm hella crampy today and my weight went up a few pounds which freaked me out. Is this normal & will it go away after my period stops? What are your experiences in regards to weight and menstruation?

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[Rant/Rave] i just looked at my drivers license.
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|GW:120 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 21:58:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sqqqp/i_just_looked_at_my_drivers_license/
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my weight is listed as 130. I got it when i was 17 and i remember thinking how heavy that was. i thought that 130 was heavy. now i am 160 and literally want to cry. 4 years have passed and instead of getting thinner i got larger. this is the worst feeling.

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[Help] Binge help
/u/hopedarawrasaurus
Created: Tue Feb 7 21:56:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sqqg7/binge_help/
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Hey everyone. Long time no post, but I need help. I've been gaining weight (like a lot it's disgusting) and I have a new problem where I will eat well during the day but then get back to my dorm and binge on an insane amount of food. Literally anything I can get my hands on. I've even been taking some of my roommate's food just because I feel like I need to eat. This seriously has to stop. I'm getting so fat and it's awful. Any advice?? I can't just throw out all of my binge foods (because some of them are my roommates...) so what do I do?? I refuse to gain any more weight because of this but I have just been feeling so out of control lately I don't know what to do

Also sorry I can't flair I'm on my mobile

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[Help] Adderall and ED
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 7 21:07:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sqi7z/adderall_and_ed/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Yay almost made myself puke not noticing the stranger there
/u/satanAMA [173cm (5'9) | 63kg (141lbs) | 21 | 27kg (60lbs) | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 21:04:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sqhmo/yay_almost_made_myself_puke_not_noticing_the/
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Was on a walking trail after a binge.. gross I know but I couldn't stand having it in my stomach any longer.. just started when my dog barked and I looked up to see someone hidden in the trees. While my fingers were covered in spit and my eyes were tearing up.

Oops.

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[Rant/Rave] fucking alcohol
/u/Triptukhos [5'0" | 99.6 lbs| 19.5 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 20:57:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sqge1/fucking_alcohol/
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i drink when i'm stressed or have had a long day. which is often. i'm usually good with restricting food (lately) but alcohol is so fucking calorific and my weakness. i always feel so shitty in the morning looking at the scale. i don't know what else i can do tho, there are no drugs like alcohol. weed = munchies, opiates = addiction if used too often, uppers = prescribed so need to keep my tolerance low

:/

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[Discussion] Alcoholism and anorexia
/u/poop_dawg [5'8" | CW: 145 | GW: 110 | BMI: 22 | +10lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 20:45:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sqe8h/alcoholism_and_anorexia/
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I don't really have any intention of making a long post here... all I have to say is when I drink harder stuff more often, I don't eat, like at all. I love beer, but when I keep away from it and drink only liquor or wine/champagne, I notice my appetite goes away. It makes me drink a lot more.

Thoughts?

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Nicotine Patches
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 19:48:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sq3qj/nicotine_patches/
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[removed]

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Experience with Ipecac syrup?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 7 19:11:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5spx28/experience_with_ipecac_syrup/
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[removed]

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why do i let dumb shit get to me??
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 139 | GW: 90 | F/18]
Created: Tue Feb 7 18:56:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5spu4s/why_do_i_let_dumb_shit_get_to_me/
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[removed]

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Haaaaaaalp
/u/DahliaDubonet [SCREAMING INTERNALLY]
Created: Tue Feb 7 18:44:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sprx1/haaaaaaalp/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Has anyone noticed that eating more sugar at the beginning of the day makes you hungrier?
/u/cfijiwater [ 5'4| 33.3| -2| F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 18:27:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5spoi3/has_anyone_noticed_that_eating_more_sugar_at_the/
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I used to have oats, sugary cereal, tea with sugar,etc. and i always felt hungrier during the day and ended up binging.

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[Help] Bad breath
/u/forgetyoumusteat
Created: Tue Feb 7 17:15:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sp9tl/bad_breath/
---
Does anyone else suffer from bad breath that comes from like the back of your throat? No matter how many times I brush my teeth/drink water. I think I read that it's to do with ketosis, even though I don't avoid carbs maybe because I'm restricting?

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[Discussion] what are your favorite appetite suppressants?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 7 16:52:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sp527/what_are_your_favorite_appetite_suppressants/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I can never come home bc it's the only place I stuff my face
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 7 16:24:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5soz9w/i_can_never_come_home_bc_its_the_only_place_i/
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Seriously.... if I'm anywhere else I will barely eat. I feel so proud of myself for being so minimal and not making myself feel disgusting.

As soon as I come home though I start eating like a monster. I have to find a way to distract myself or I guess take more meds on the way home to suppress my hunger :/ idk it suxks. It's pretty much just a habit to eat when I get home, not even bc I'm actually hungry.


Edit: I totaled my calories up. I'm at an embarrassing 2,200. lol I called I critical d-dimer test with that same value earlier today.. idk but what the fuck brain?!?!? I was staying at 1200 or under. I feel like a sausage thats about to bust out of my stretchy pants. I wish I didn't feel too fat To go to the pharmacy. I wana take like 3 kpins and forget about everything

Mobile no flair
Rant

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[Rant/Rave] Just ED things...
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105.2 | GW 95]
Created: Tue Feb 7 15:44:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5soquz/just_ed_things/
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[removed]

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[Other] Counting calories with a ballerina
/u/Throwingupwater
Created: Tue Feb 7 15:31:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5soo0r/counting_calories_with_a_ballerina/
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5356zt0JiDY

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Just found this subreddit
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 7 15:26:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5somzy/just_found_this_subreddit/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Nausea on day one.
/u/Ravanys [BMI 29. Either super hungry or super full.]
Created: Tue Feb 7 15:19:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5solfc/nausea_on_day_one/
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I feel like such a failure. Day one of restricting, not even that heavy, 700 calories. Day one after bouncing back and forth between binging, "recovery", and restricting since the beginning of the year. I am already nauseated as fuck. I hate this. I cant even not eat right. Fuck man. So frustrated.

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I don't eat more than I burn off but I gained 10 lbs ;~;
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 15:05:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5soi9t/i_dont_eat_more_than_i_burn_off_but_i_gained_10/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] im back...i am weak willed
/u/imelancholy [5'4" | CW: 145 | LW: 141 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 14:28:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5so9m7/im_backi_am_weak_willed/
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new year = no purging! it worked until...week 3 into the year?
that was the longest that I hadn't purged so I'm kind of proud of that. but I caved for a variety of reasons. since then I've purged about 5 more times. I also caved and bought a pack of cigarettes, too.
that scale number has been creeping back UP and I fucking can't control my portions and food and cravings so it's either I just not eat entirely which I think I'll try and do or purge the fucking meals that I don't need.
I love the feeling of purge but I hate it for all the reasons I should: enamel, stomach problems, and my skin has been reacting really poorly (it almost looks like I break out for a few hours).
It's just so easy.
I don't want to do the cheat way anymore but how the fuck else am I going to get that body I want?
fuck here I am

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[Rant/Rave] Donuuuuuts!
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" | 200 lbs | 29.5 | 30 lbs| Male]
Created: Tue Feb 7 13:40:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5snyvg/donuuuuuts/
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Mobile can't flair, rant/rave

Lost four pounds and decided to "treat myself" (we ALL know those words) with a donut. I even walked there with my dog to make myself feel better. Queue 2 maple bars, an apple fritter, and a bacon ham egg and cheese croissant sandwich.

Albeit the maple bars weren't for me, but still.

Why do donuts have to make me weak?

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[Other] superbowl
/u/jrste310 [5 ft | 106 lb | 21.34 | -21.5| Female]
Created: Tue Feb 7 13:11:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5snsb3/superbowl/
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[removed]

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[Help] [help] is there any way to take a shower without looking at yourself/being able to see yourself?
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 139.1 | 22.54 | -9.1 | 21F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 12:40:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5snlb4/help_is_there_any_way_to_take_a_shower_without/
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I am unable to make the room be completely dark because it has a window that lets in a decent amount of light even with the shade down. I'm seriously freaking out right now. I'm sweaty from just exercising but I'm also bloated from a binge and my stomach is a fucking beach ball and I feel like jamming a knife into it to deflate it even just at the thought of seeing it. I'm wearing an oversized hoodie so I don't have to see myself but I'm just sitting in the car outside my house fucking sobbing. I really need to take a shower but I don't know how. I'm at a really low point and I could use some support or tips if you have also been here.

Edit: I have now showered. It was not pleasant. I got a towel up as covering the window. It was sufficiently dark, but getting naked was so so hard. I don't think I have to worry much about seeing myself cause I was mostly crying. Took like double dose of primatene to kick off the fast id like to start. Feel a bit better.

I can't thank you guys enough for your support and I really appreciate this sub for helping me :)

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[Rant/Rave] Binging on healthy foods but feeling gross anyway
/u/yummmies [5'4.5" | 105 | 18.0| -60 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 11:55:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5snafi/binging_on_healthy_foods_but_feeling_gross_anyway/
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Idk, I ate 3 bowls of kale and cucumber and lunch and had maybe 600 calories in grand total. While it could've been better, I'm very very glad it wasn't any worse. But I feel disgusting, so full it hurts to move and I desperately want to remove it from my stomach. I'm trying not to purge. I'm trying to not become a regular purger and I don't want my ED-brain to convince me that I ate too much and it'll be so easy to be rid of it because I didn't actually eat that much and purging 600 calories of kale and health food is fucking stupid. I'm aiming for 1200 a day, this is completely within my calorie allowances. But I feel so gross and so full, and so *shitty* as if this is gonna cause major weight gain but it really won't and :(

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[Rant/Rave] The first four days are the hardest
/u/Peachfae [5'5" | 119.6 | 20 | -21 | f]
Created: Tue Feb 7 11:49:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sn8zz/the_first_four_days_are_the_hardest/
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So recently I gained even more....was 115ish in the summer, then my flare's weight, then 122 thanks to my binge eating, carelessness, depression, bpd self hate, ect...for the past two days i've been going to dance, clocking over 10,000 steps a day and eating 600-800 and in the past two days I dropped. back to 120. I'm so excited, I told myself, "Just tough through the first 4 days and you'll be unbelievably motivated." Veggies, black beans, soup, all of it clean and perfect and minimal for four days and you'll feel control again. And I do, I feel so clean and like i'm returning to a safe place. I spent all of yesterday just doing schoolwork, walking, collecting art pictures, decorating my bullet journal, studying, walking my puppy, cleaning, just doing so many things with the knowledge that I'm finally shrinking. I feel so clear and pretty and focused.

Edit: day three and I woke up at my flare weight!!

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[Discussion] DAE feel mentally clear when they restrict??
/u/stop-meowing
Created: Tue Feb 7 11:39:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sn6ox/dae_feel_mentally_clear_when_they_restrict/
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I've been eating like a rampant buffalo these past few days, but today I committed to get back on my restricting game and it makes me so clear!!! I occasionally suffer from brain fog (totally sucks, btw) and I was wondering if anyone felt sharper when they fast or restrict? It's so motivating to be able to think clearly and quickly.

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[Help] Experiences with Vyvanse?
/u/vyvansethroaway
Created: Tue Feb 7 11:10:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5smzus/experiences_with_vyvanse/
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Do any of you take Vyvanse or took it in the past? I am so sick of binge eating and I'm starting to feel like it's my only option left. Does it help a lot with bingeing? Is restricting easier when you're on it? What are the positives/negatives? I would really appreciate any advice!

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[Discussion] Is anyone else afraid to go clothes shopping??
/u/Princess_Scarlet
Created: Tue Feb 7 10:42:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5smt7d/is_anyone_else_afraid_to_go_clothes_shopping/
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I'm terrified of going clothes shopping, whenever I go into a store I feel like everyone is judging me and staring at my body. Going up to the counter is the worst part, having the checker see what size shirt I'm buying. It's even worse if they are smaller than me, I started shopping at forever 21 and the workers there are always so pretty and thin. Online shopping never works because I always order the wrong size, I go shopping this week and I've been dreading it all day :/

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[Discussion] Have you noticed being treated differently?
/u/_saisonenenfer [175cm | not thin :( | M]
Created: Tue Feb 7 10:20:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5smnzh/have_you_noticed_being_treated_differently/
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If you were thin and overweight now, or vice versa, have you noticed being treated differently? Are people colder or more friendlier towards you? It feels like I was thin such a long time ago that I've forgotten how it used to feel like I was being treated back then. Has anyone else thought about this? Are people treated differently according to their weight? Love to hear your thoughts

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[Rant/Rave] Different weight at my psychiatrist
/u/tokkibun [5'8 | 110 | GW: 104 | NB-afab]
Created: Tue Feb 7 10:13:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5smm5v/different_weight_at_my_psychiatrist/
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So I weighed myself this morning on my scale and it fluctuated between 116.0 and 116.6. Then I went to a new psychiatrist's office and when I first stepped on the scale it said 116.4, but then it shot up to 119? I'm just so confused and stressed about this. Now I'm crying about one of my hot sauces getting thrown out haha, it's ridiculous how much a stupid number effects my mood. I'm on my period and constipated so maybe that's effecting it, but my scale said 116 and the psychiatrist scale started at that also? I'm just frustrated because I'm going to be thinking about this all week 😓

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[Help] Anyone had a MFP shut down for not eating enough?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 09:42:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5smfgk/anyone_had_a_mfp_shut_down_for_not_eating_enough/
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How long did it take at eating what calories below your goal to get shut down? I have years of data on there with my weight struggles and wouldn't want to loose that info...It motivates me to look back and see that I've lost this weight before I can do it again.

On mobile can't flare (help)

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[Discussion] This is actually depressing me (tumblr "meanspo")
/u/Sinco_the_mayo
Created: Tue Feb 7 09:27:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5smcc6/this_is_actually_depressing_me_tumblr_meanspo/
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http://i.imgur.com/LloQHul.png

This is making me actually depressed that so many people actually want to be insulted so that they can hate themselves more and that there are people so willing to do the insulting. I feel so sympathetic for the people offering meanspo (clearly theyre going through SOMETHING that would make them think that it's okay), and so empathetic for the people asking (because I can totally understand wanting to be insulted, wanting to hate my body to fuel my weight loss, but god is it such a sad thing). This is just awful every which way. There's no winning.

I try to not be angry at blogs who do it, try to keep in mind that they are sick too, but how could they promote an ED and hatred like this? God it makes me mad.

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[Other] Seeing a counsellor for the first time tomorrow
/u/Laricia [5'4" | 104 | -6 | GW 97 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 09:16:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sm9tv/seeing_a_counsellor_for_the_first_time_tomorrow/
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At long last I mustered the energy to make a first appointment, but have no idea what to expect. I have been deeply depressed for the past few months, for the most part due to really specific and unfathomable circumstances surrounding my schoolwork (design school, did way too much way out of my comfort zone for my project research; it was long-term and extremely physically and mentally consuming).

That being said, restricting and obsessing over food is and has been too big a part of my life for 5 years now. I don't know what I'll be expected to tell the counsellor, but I wonder if it's a particularly bad idea or not to even remotely mention my issues with food. It's clearly a crippling thing to deal with every day but that's just how it's been all along; I've dealt with it, sometimes it's under control and more often than not I want to take a butcher knife and make a clean slice-off of my fat rolls.

But it's not the reason I'm going to get help, and I'm not sure to what extent I should or should not let on that it's a problem in my life. As a terribly competitive college student, while I'm perfectly fine with becoming an apathetic shell laying in bed 20 hours a day I'm just not okay with it getting in the way of my grades and prospects, and that's why I'm going to seek help.

Not sure where this post is going at all but if you read this thank you and I'd love to hear any of your experiences. <3

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[Discussion] Has anyone tried this "magical" peanut butter?
/u/Hi_ImDonnaChang [5'5" | 108lbs | 18.18 | GW 95lbs | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 08:58:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sm5v6/has_anyone_tried_this_magical_peanut_butter/
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I'm in Canada so I'm deprived of all the good stuff like Halo Top, but this morning I came across "Walden Farms Peanut Spread" which claims to be calorie free. Sodium is the only thing to hit the nutritional label. Not even a gram of fat! This can't be, can it? Is this some kind of sick joke and I'm going to regain all my losses with this sorcery?

I have no plans to try it today. I ate like shit on the weekend (story of my life) so I'm working on a fast right now... just hot water and lemon today and a cup of broth tonight. But man, I'm dying to open this baby and try a spoonful. I'm already anticipating a terrible stomach reaction from this non-food "food", but I don't care if it truly is as "calorie-free" as it claims.

Would love to hear if anyone has tried this or their related products (I saw calorie-free chocolate sauce too!)

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[Intro] [re]introduction
/u/throwingfoodaway [151.13cm | CW: 48.2kg | 22.3 BMI | GW: 38kg | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 08:46:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sm3ih/reintroduction/
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I deleted my other account, which I do every so often. This is my third account for ED stuff. I recently found out my boyfriend had one of my posts on my last account bookmarked, so I felt I needed to start over on another account.

I had a horrible fight with my SO a week and a half ago and I basically went on a ten day binge and gained 5lbs/2.2kg. We're still together, but it's iffy. He doesn't want to give up on me/wants me to recover. I think it's hopeless, but I'm not strong enough to let go of him, which is super selfish of me.

I'm back to eating restrictively, under 500 calories. It's so easy to restrict. It's so easy to feel good about feeling hungry. It's like an addiction. Some people are addicted to drugs, alcohol, coffee, food, sex. I'm addicted to starving.

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[Rant/Rave] My coworkers' gross obsession with food is driving me insane.
/u/humandumpsterfire [5'8" | 150 | 22.7 | -30 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 08:39:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sm1wg/my_coworkers_gross_obsession_with_food_is_driving/
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I haven't been able to rant to anyone about this so here we go.

Almost all of my coworkers in my department are overweight, and many are obese. All anyone does around here is eat, eat, eat. It wears me down to the point where I'm considering quitting my job, a position that I was lucky to get (I'm fresh out of college and it's in my field).

Every time someone in our department has a birthday, we ALL go out to lunch together (30 ppl.. so all the time). They always want to go to these greasy chain restaurants that have nothing remotely healthy on the menu. Or even worse, they'll order in food. I've only tried skipping out once and got so much flak from my coworkers about being antisocial that I'm afraid to do it again. It's causing me so much anxiety. Usually I walk home for lunch and hang out with my cat so they can't judge me for what I eat :(

On top of this, there is ALWAYS food out in the break room. People bring in donuts, cookies, cake, and most of it is homemade. Every time they bring stuff in, someone just has to pop in my office and ask if I've tried it yet. There is currently a jar of Nutella sitting out and I'm pretty sure people have just been eating it with a spoon. I'm so disgusted.

Recently, I went vegan. I've been vegetarian for a year now but I've found having the excuse of being vegan lets me pass up 90% of the stupid baked goods.

Last month, they had a "Bacon Party." I was so anxious/angry I called off work that day. They all think it's hilarious that they eat shit and I can't take it anymore.

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[Discussion] Dreams causing anxiety
/u/DoctorFeather1 [5'6" | 130 | 21.4 | -33 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 08:23:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5slypt/dreams_causing_anxiety/
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Normally, I am a full-on faster. Days fasting followed by days binging. I haven't made any progress for over a year. Same 5 pounds up and down.

So I decided to try sticking to 6-800 kcal a day. Many of you have suggested that it helps curb the binge bounce back. And it's working! But there is one weird...side-effect? I keep having very realistic dreams that I am gorging myself on things like a gallon of bleu cheese dressing. Or eating crisco straight from the tub. I wake up panicked and regretting all my choices in life. Only to realize it was a dream, and I successfully ate only 600 kcal yesterday. The relief is simultaneously the best and worst.

Does anyone else have dreams like these? I would never eat crisco plain, much less in large quantities. What is going on?

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[Rant/Rave] Deformation fantasies?
/u/borderhopping
Created: Tue Feb 7 07:59:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sltun/deformation_fantasies/
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I know this is fucked up, but sometimes I hate my body so much and am so disgusted with it that I fantasize about chopping pieces off. Not the actual pain, I don't want that. But for instance I absolutely hate my boobs, sometimes I just think about how if I cut them off then I would have nothing to hate and no one would have anything to compare me to. My skin isn't very good and I think the same thing, I wish I could just rip my face off. I would never actually do either, but for some reason literally ripping pieces off seems better than living with them sometimes.

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Does anyone want to be friends? I have zero :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 7 07:51:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5slsc2/does_anyone_want_to_be_friends_i_have_zero/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) I lied about my weight
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 07:01:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5slj6o/rant_i_lied_about_my_weight/
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So my boyfriend recently got myself and him and his little sister a gym membership.
And last night while making dinner his little sister was going on and on about how she's stronger than her friend that she went with. And she was trying to get her dad to go work out with her.

Then somehow weight came up... And she was like oh I'm 190 (she's 5'4) and she started talking about how everyone in the family was 180. (Instead my beginning panic) I manage to joke that my boyfriend since he got real sick is actually 153. Which they freaked out about.

THEN his little sister goes "oh thinkthinlythrowaway you must but 140...." And I froze blurted 120 and went to staring at my food. She was like wow I weight 60 more pounds then you. (I wanted to say that she eats at least 4 meals (most of the time is at least one serving of noodles) in the afternoon so yeah)

They actually brought out a scale.. And started weighing themselves in the kitchen and I felt like I was going to die.

I'm so ashamed that I lied (I'm actually 131 as of yesterday morning after a weekend binge) but also who the fuck starts blurting out what you think someone weighs. It's one thing when they offer it up....

It just motivates me to work more... Obviously I look like I did at 140...

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[Rant/Rave] This is infuriating...
/u/Fuzzypanda67 [5'8" | 142 | 20.97 | 0 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 06:38:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5slfbk/this_is_infuriating/
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Usually I'm a lurker in this subreddit but today I came across this in my Facebook feed and it infuriated me.


https://www.vice.com/en_au/article/i-spent-a-week-in-a-pro-ana-whatsapp-group-talking-to-the-goddess-of-emaciation-876?utm_source=vicefbanz&utm_campaign=global


The author has absolutely no idea what she's talking about and makes our communities sound like they're terrible places.


First off, she was in only one type of community and only communicated to a handful of girls who have an ED. That's piss poor journalism and gives her no credibility.


Second, she made the assumption that we treat our disorders like they're a fucking religion. A religion?! Are you kidding me?! Do I pray to some ED gods every night before bed? Or read the ED bible? NO. NO I DON'T. What I suffer from is a DISORDER, not a religion. If she talked to anyone else besides the people in her group chat she'd realize that that's how most of us view our EDs. In no way do a majority of us worship our disorder like it's a god.


And finally, the last paragraph of the article is what really threw me over the edge. She thought that by simply talking to the girls in her group chat she could convince them not to be anorexic or bulimic. Is she serious? Does she think these girls haven't heard it a thousand times before? Does she actually think that just talking to them is going to magically get them to stop having their disorders? She then ends the paragraph by fruitfully telling us how she couldn't talk to anyone in the chat anymore because the group admin had to go to the clinic. Her tone makes it seem like this whole thing is a joke to her, that she finds it funny that every day hundreds of girls are being taken to eating disorder clinics to help them get rid of the disorder that's killing them. That's fucking sick.


Clearly, this article was written by a immature four year old who can't grasp the reality of how serious eating disorders are. I'm sorry if anyone else who has read this has been deeply offended. We should be proud of our pro ED communities because they show us that we have control and support for whatever our disorders we have. Screw people like her who infiltrate our communities just to get some piece of shit viral article posted.

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[Discussion] DAE aim for a caloric deficit of only less than 20% of their TDEE?
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 06:25:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sld5z/dae_aim_for_a_caloric_deficit_of_only_less_than/
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My TDEE is 2000, and I aim for 1500. I've been doing this since late December, and I've lost ~5 lbs. DAE aim for this small of a deficit? If you aim for a bigger deficit, then why? I'm curious simply because I want to understand and learn. I don't like the binge-restrict cycle, so that's why I aim for such a small deficit.

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A February 07, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Feb 7 05:08:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sl1b2/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_february_07_2017/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 07, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Feb 7 05:08:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sl1ak/daily_food_diary_february_07_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 07, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Help] Oh lord please help me now
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 147.2 | 22.1 | -3 | F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 01:46:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5skbjm/oh_lord_please_help_me_now/
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Hey sorry I can't flair I'm on mobile
[warning tmi]
I had a pretty good day of restriction, had about 350 cals for the day and then lost control at dinner because I went out with my bf and his family and got a burger.
Anyways it's 12:30 in the morning and o just woke up to the feeling of my insides burning and now I'm sitting on the toilet, hoping to god I poop this out, and contemplating my life's choices while the devil himself climbs through my colon.
Yay.
Edit: update, lost two and a half pounds

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I finally got Bronkaid but won't get caffeine pills until four days from now... Is it worth starting the Bronkaid now, or should I just wait until I can take both?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Feb 7 00:55:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sk5uc/i_finally_got_bronkaid_but_wont_get_caffeine/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Do you ever find smell kinda substitutes for taste?
/u/babylemonadexx [5'7" 🌈 | 110 🍦| 16.7 🍟 | F 🌸]
Created: Tue Feb 7 00:51:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sk5ev/do_you_ever_find_smell_kinda_substitutes_for_taste/
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Lol, perhaps this belongs in Stupid Question Saturday, but I just wondered if it applies to anyone else. I love walking past bakeries/restaurants/takeouts, or smelling other people's food in lectures. I always thought that sort of thing would exacerbate my hunger, but it's actually the complete opposite - it's like a calorie-free way of indulging my greedy ass stomach. Anyone else, or am I losing my marbles here?

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[Rant/Rave] my bf keeps making fat jokes about me :(
/u/thukui [5'3 | CW 108 | GW 88 | 21F]
Created: Tue Feb 7 00:43:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sk4ht/my_bf_keeps_making_fat_jokes_about_me/
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usually we both have the same cruel sense of humour, we can make jokes about anything! but lately he's been making so many jokes about me being fat or a piggy? and i've actually lost weight recently.
anyways i was eating some snacks (about 400cal worth, all I've eaten today) and he made a joke about me eating all his food and being a piggy. so i just stopped eating and i feel so gross now. :c

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[Rant/Rave] just so disheartened
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|GW:120 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 23:44:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sjx3r/just_so_disheartened/
---
my lowest weight was when I was around 13 or so. I do not remember the actual weight but I fit into 00 jeans from abercrombie that did not fit my mom anymore. I know that puberty and all that jazz will mess with your body but I feel like its just been futile struggle for almost 8 years. I restrict then binge then restrict then binge. I have just been slowly putting on more weight as the years go on and now I am a size 12 in jeans and want to cry. I just feel like it is never enough. I don't want to be "curvy" or "thicc" or whatever people want to call me that isnt fat. I want to be "nothing but bones" and "light as a feather.

---

[Other] Angela, star of tv show "Binge" talks about her experince with ED's and addiction
/u/Ms_IreneAdler
Created: Mon Feb 6 23:43:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sjwvb/angela_star_of_tv_show_binge_talks_about_her/
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Link didnt work.. here it is again:

https://youtu.be/UJOPGFSBZfo

Ignore my title.. Im woozy from Benedryl and lack of sleep. Also, I dont know if this has been posted yet.. searched and didnt find it.

And here's the pilot of Binge in case any of you havent seen it:

https://youtu.be/aN9syJfWp8U

Anyways, besides finally having an accurate show about eating disorders, it's especially nice that it's starring someone who's been through it. Imo there so much misunderstanding about ED's in general and such a lack of support for those suffering (besides the usual, "go to treatment" spiel.. which is not bad! But it's also frustrating when it feels like the only way to get support is through intensive therapy and outside of therapy, it's easy to feel like no one understands. Does that make sense? Anyways, I feel like this show (and angela!) could be a little ray of light for a lot of people.

Edit: also, on mobile, no flair D:

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Angela, star of tv show "Binge, talks about her experince with ED's and addiction
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 6 23:41:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sjwlh/angela_star_of_tv_show_binge_talks_about_her/
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[deleted]

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[Other] You know you have an ED when you change your phone wallpaper to a color just to suppress your appetite
/u/chocolatecoveredpugs [5'4| 118| 20.6 | -22lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 23:39:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sjwc5/you_know_you_have_an_ed_when_you_change_your/
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TBH it's better than thinspo because 1. I won't get caught and 2. I sort of feel nauseous when I look at my phone too much

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Angela, star of tv show "Binge" talks about her experience with eating disorders and addiction
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 6 23:36:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sjw1f/angela_star_of_tv_show_binge_talks_about_her/
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[deleted]

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[Other] Sleep vs willpower
/u/cannibale101 [5'4" | Not happy with this anymore]
Created: Mon Feb 6 23:16:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sjt39/sleep_vs_willpower/
---
Sometimes i get really motivated, my willpower gets pretty strong. When it is, i can eat little or not at all, which feels amazing but quickly makes me insomniac. Lack of sleep kills my willpower as i try to find some energy in food (and find none because *lol* what i need is sleep).

Getting used to not winning.

---

[Rant/Rave] Relationship troubles, no appetite
/u/orangejujubes
Created: Mon Feb 6 22:46:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sjolu/relationship_troubles_no_appetite/
---
So, long story short, my SO and I are having major issues at the moment - I won't get too in detail, but the end result is him moving out for at least the week (starting today - Tuesday). For the past two days, I have been on an absolute roller coaster of emotions. I have never felt emotions so strongly ever before in my life - it is terrifying.
I don't usually try to restrict calories, more in the way of only ever eating 'healthy' food - my friends have labelled me a nutrition nut and I am fine with that. When I was younger, say five to seven years ago, I had super huge problems with anorexia, it was a terrible terrible hole that one day I managed to crawl (and be forcibly dragged by others) out of.
It's just hit me that I have had no appetite for at least 48 hours. The first day I had one bite of toast and left the rest, thinking nothing of it. Yesterday, a sip of ginger beer and nothing else. Now, I just pulled up my underwear after peeing and felt my hip bones jutting out, it made me realize I hadn't eaten in so long. Instantly trying to right my wrong; I made toast with almond butter and portioned out some chia pudding. Lifting the spoon to my mouth, I gagged. Taking a bite of the toast, I spit it out it tasted so gross. I don't know what's happened, I'm sure the emotional strain is taking a toll on my stomach, and now I'm torn between satisfaction of not feeling hungry and panic of going down the anorexia road again. I've tried to eat multiple plain foods that I usually love - oatmeal, banana, home made carrot muffin. I can eat none of it. I got down half the muffin and vomited everything into the kitchen sink. It's scary and adding to my stress, I'm not sure what to do about it.

---

[Rant/Rave] After 7 weeks of no purging, I'm craving it right now and need some advice.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 22:38:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sjnhp/after_7_weeks_of_no_purging_im_craving_it_right/
---
7 weeks is the longest I've gone without purging in years. However, I put on about 15 pounds since I stopped. I expected it, but it doesn't mean I accept it. A week after I decided to stop purging, my mother attempted suicide and I was 5000 miles away from home with no way to return. My emotions were all over. I felt very responsible for the situation and punished and numbed myself with food.

I need some accountability and I'm posting reasons why I shouldn't purge:

* It'll probably start the cycle again. An alcoholic doesn't just have ~one more night of drinking~ and then go back to normal.

* It's a waste of money. A binge could buy a new pair of jeans.

* My heart is gonna explode, yo.

* Finally de-puffed my fucking chipmunk cheeks and who knows if ~just one~ purge is going to mess that up again.


Reasons I'm giving myself to purge:

* Just get it out of your system. People relapse, it happens. 7 weeks is great, maybe go for 8 next time.

* If it's a controlled and planned b/p, you can be done with it. Again, relapses happen.

* After a month of binging, imagine how good it'll feel to be empty again. After that, you can start restricting again and be off on a good start.

* Break out of the binging cycle. Purge yourself a brand new day. That sounds horrible, but it makes sense to me.

--


Clearly the right thing to do is not to purge. That's easy. My grocery store opens in 3 hours. Until then, all pros and cons are running through my head.

---

[Help] After 7 weeks of no purging, I want nothing more right now than to b/p all day and I need a devil's advocate.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 6 22:11:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sjjc3/after_7_weeks_of_no_purging_i_want_nothing_more/
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[deleted]

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why am I stuck between wanting to die more than anything and being too afraid to fucking die
/u/moonshineknox [5'6" | 100 | 16.21| -15| F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 22:07:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sjil0/why_am_i_stuck_between_wanting_to_die_more_than/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] I restrict by just filling up on cauliflower, cabbage, Brussels sprouts all the time. Still works [discussion]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 6 22:03:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sjhx4/i_restrict_by_just_filling_up_on_cauliflower/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I hate food...need help
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 6 21:17:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sjads/i_hate_foodneed_help/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] Just found out my boyfriend cheated on me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 6 20:58:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sj725/just_found_out_my_boyfriend_cheated_on_me/
---
[removed]

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Tfw a slice of cake you want to make totals a day's worth of calories...
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |143.8|-76lbs|GW: 110|19A]
Created: Mon Feb 6 20:57:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sj6xs/tfw_a_slice_of_cake_you_want_to_make_totals_a/
---
http://imgur.com/qKZdlmy

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[Tip] Lots of water before bed time
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 20:17:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sizyi/lots_of_water_before_bed_time/
---
I was talking with my little brother who just headed to Wendy's and asked if I wanted anything and I said "No, I'm trying not to eat" (I deal with my ED by being so obvious about it that people think I'm joking, I'll change my method when I start getting closer to my GW).


And he goes, "oh that's really bad for you, but whenever I need to lose weight I just drink like a gallon of water before bed and pee it out in the morning".


Ok, so his logic is flawed in so many ways, but drinking a lot of water before bed can only help you and not hurt you.


So to all my sistahs and brothas that are failing as hard as I am at this whole ED thing, lets take this week (and hopefully longer), to drink a ton of water before bed and let this small spark be what leads from one good choice to another!

---

[Discussion] DAE plan themselves reward binges for weight loss goals?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 6 19:30:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sirh0/dae_plan_themselves_reward_binges_for_weight_loss/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Can anyone tell me what's up w/ me? (read)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 6 18:32:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sigu5/can_anyone_tell_me_whats_up_w_me_read/
---
[deleted]

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[Tip] LOW CAL HOT CHOCOLATE PACKS
/u/siamesealmeidaa [height:5'6" | CW:120lbs | BMI:19.4 | weight lost:18lb | gender:F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 18:24:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sifgg/low_cal_hot_chocolate_packs/
---
U GUYS. Carnation has Light hot chocolate packs, only 45cals per pack! that even leaves room for cream or milk if you want. YAY.

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[Rant/Rave] Why does exercise have to be so miserable? [rant]
/u/Sinco_the_mayo
Created: Mon Feb 6 18:07:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sic1k/why_does_exercise_have_to_be_so_miserable_rant/
---
Despite being at my lowest weight, and having an underweight BMI, I still have a goddamn pooch and thighs that rub together. I am what they refer to as the dreaded "skinny fat".

My mom says the rest is just exercise, but I can't stand exercise. Like, despise it. It is so boring. I've tried running, dancing, the elliptical, body weight stuff, all were so miserable. I have no friends for sports.

It's not just boring, but I have dreaded social anxiety. Even when working out at home. My room is on the top floor, and whenever I've tried working out at home, my downstairs neighbors hear and ALWAYS comment "what are you doing up there? (proceeds to try and talk to me about my health which we all know is stressful af even without social anxiety). They do this every single time. It is never dropped. Leave me alone!

I don't want to live with this belly fat forever. If I starve enough, does it eventually go away? I walk 2 miles a day. If I walk more, will it go away? What can I do?!

---

[Rant/Rave] My doctor suspects I have endometriosis and I have been bloated for months.
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | F | GW:115 | -17 | BMI 23.8]
Created: Mon Feb 6 17:13:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5si1d2/my_doctor_suspects_i_have_endometriosis_and_i/
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I've been under 1000 calories since January 1st and I've lost 0 pounds. I've been gaining and losing between 3-5 pounds this entire time. I'm such a fat piece of shit and it's not even my fault. It's this stupid disease I happen to have that won't even allow me to be painless.

I feel like **garbage**. I can't do anything. I'm powerless to this disease. I just want a stomach that doesn't look like I shoved an innertube on me. My arms are fine. I have a visible collarbone and jawline. But the only thing I want I literally will never have. I'm so frustrated and if I didn't hate myself already now I'm in pain and bloated as fuck every day to remind me that I fucking suck.

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[Rant/Rave] Doing so bad mentally today. About to go binge at McDonalds, then purge it right out.
/u/hahaha_blah23
Created: Mon Feb 6 17:09:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5si0lp/doing_so_bad_mentally_today_about_to_go_binge_at/
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edit.** NVm!! Somehow kicked myself out of the mental rut. Went through drive thru and only got water. I'm closest to my GW I've ever been and I lost a ton so fast so my body was prob just reacting to that earlier.

bmi 17.9 bitchezzzz.



I need fucking rest.

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[Discussion] Soup recipes :)?
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 113 | 19.35| Lost: 47|GW:☠]
Created: Mon Feb 6 17:03:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5shzaf/soup_recipes/
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Getting into the dead of winter and it's becoming difficult to stay warm! Anyone have some killer low-cal soup recipes? Getting tired of the canned stuff haha

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[Discussion] Does anyone lose their appetite when they are sleep deprived?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 6 16:59:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5shyfy/does_anyone_lose_their_appetite_when_they_are/
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[deleted]

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Bad new/Good news?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Feb 6 15:26:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5shev1/bad_newgood_news/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [rave] Just got called "a wisp of a thing"
/u/syntheticseasalt
Created: Mon Feb 6 13:41:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sgrxg/rave_just_got_called_a_wisp_of_a_thing/
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professor: Don't sit on the desk! I know you're a wisp of a thing, but these things break if you look at them funny.
AH "a wisp of a thing" !!! WHAT??!!?!?
I love comments like this that don't necessarily mean anything but make me feel like i'm actually small and making progress.
Are there comments like this that have given you that little boost to keep going?

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[Help] [HELP] EC stacks and bupropion (Wellbutrin)?
/u/desperate_housecat [5'2" | CW: 116 GW: 109 UGW: 99 | 21.2 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 13:33:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sgq3p/help_ec_stacks_and_bupropion_wellbutrin/
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Has anyone here done EC stacks while on bupropion? Ephedrine and bupropion can interact to cause high levels of norepinephrine, so I'm a little worried about that. I don't generally have anxiety issues, so that shouldn't be an issue. But has anyone done this, and can you tell me what it was like for you??

Thank you in advance to anyone who replies :)

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[Other] I drew my ED as monster(s)– explanation in text.
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 144.8 | 20.6 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 12:47:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sgffd/i_drew_my_ed_as_monsters_explanation_in_text/
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[I should warn you I'm not very good at drawing.](http://imgur.com/DNBavHV)


I feel like I am constantly trapped between two monsters. It isn't very clear-cut whether they're ED monsters, mental health monsters, or just me in general. But they're always there, trying to pull me one way or another, so I decided to try and draw how I experience them.

***

1// The wasp-bird, predatory, skeletal, hovering. It represents restriction, control, thinness, invulnerability. It waits, claws tensed, all exoskeleton and no blood. A cruel master, its face is eyes and beak– so it will see you, see every mistake you make, and tear into you. When you break down, when you crumble, it will sting you. The venom will say: do you want to get fat and soft? Do you want to feel the weight and expanse of your body? No. No, you don't. You want to be thin and beautiful and you want to be made of metal, like me, and you want to not feel anything at all.


2// The pit-eel, dark, slimy, weighty. It represents bingeing, depression, fatigue, powerlessness. Coiled below me, its tentacles reach out, always trying to pull me down and in. It smells of the ocean and of night. It whispers, unceasing, sibilant: *come here. It's dark here, and quiet. You don't have to work down here. You don't have to do anything. You can eat, and eat, and sleep, come on, turn the lights off, it doesn't matter anyways. I don't even know why you bother, when you just aren't good enough.*


3// me, alone, confused. I'm not sure what the mountain represents, and I'm not sure where I was before I was on the mountain– I think I was somewhere else, and I think it was better, but it was a long time ago. I know that every time I slip and fall to the depths where the eel lives, it takes me days or weeks or months to climb back up to the top. I know every time I am stung by the wasp-bird, I want to throw myself to the bottom of the mountain. I know that when I again reach the top, I am cold and exposed and unsure if anything better exists.

***

If you've read all of this, I'm impressed. Thank you for listening, I just had to get it out somehow, as a way to try and make sense of how I feel. If anyone experiences their ED similarly, I'd love to hear about it.

---

[Discussion] Friends
/u/elttil_snatas
Created: Mon Feb 6 12:44:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sgen6/friends/
---
On mobile, can't flag

I have a few friends who I know have struggled with ED before and I wish I could talk to them about what I'm going through right now but I'm always afraid it will wither cause them to get worse or relapse. I used to live with one friend and we were kind of like "accountability buddies" for the duration of that time. We would quietly encourage each other to "recover" (still lose weight so we would be happy but do it in the healthy way), but on the face of it we were constantly in contest to see who could lose the most in a week. I reached my lw living with her but when I moved in with my bf I lost that sense of control I had with my friend and gained everything back and more to a new hw.

I'm unbelievably ashamed of the fact that I have a bmi just above 30. I've been struggling to start restricting again and it scares me to think I might just stay at this weight forever. The worst part is not being able to share my morbid small victories with anyone so somehow it makes me feel like they don't exist. And even kind of wanting to get that competition started again makes me feel like the worst friend on the planet.

Edited words

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[Discussion] Per Meal Calorie Limits
/u/DuckyShincracker [5'4 | 138.7 | 23.67 | -66.3lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 12:21:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sg9ok/per_meal_calorie_limits/
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On mobile, flair discussion

Does anyone have per-meal calorie limits? Limits that if the meal is over a specific threshold, gives you pause? Is it the same limit for each meal, or does it change for B, L and D? What about snack limits?

Here are my highest meal limits:
B - 300
L - 400
D - 500
Snacks - 100

I don't hit these on each meal during one day, these are just my highest limit for one meal, and if I hit one, I'm careful with the others.

Share yours?

---

[Discussion] Mukbang?
/u/oksneaky [5'3.5" | CW: 124.2 | GW: 114 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 12:08:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sg6pp/mukbang/
---
I've read comments on here from y'all about liking to watch binge videos sometimes, I myself am obsessed with 600 pound life and SS vs. SS, but I don't know if these help me at all. It kind of triggers me thinking it's okay to have a cheat day but I am incapable of having ONE, it's always several once I start. For those of you that do enjoy the eating videos because it grosses you out and makes you not want all the food do you have any suggestions for ones you really like or people that do it?

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[Discussion] What is the weirdest diet you have ever been on?
/u/soberasfuck
Created: Mon Feb 6 12:02:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sg5c0/what_is_the_weirdest_diet_you_have_ever_been_on/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sg5c0/what_is_the_weirdest_diet_you_have_ever_been_on/

---

[Rant/Rave] Wall of text about some realizations I've had about my ED (TW: SH)
/u/GingerrWithASoul [5'6 | 126.4 | 20.48 | Female]
Created: Mon Feb 6 11:54:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sg3hu/wall_of_text_about_some_realizations_ive_had/
---
My therapist had suggested that my ED is a form of self-harm a while ago and I halfway understood what she was saying but didn't think it fully applied to me. We were discussing my binging and how out of control it gets so quickly and how I will literally eat until I physically can't eat anymore. I used to self-harm so she drew the parallel for me that I binge when I'm emotionally uncomfortable in order to feel physical discomfort to distract from the emotions.


I didn't really agree because unlike when I used SH, my binging has never been a conscious decision. I never wake up and decide that I want to punish myself by eating more in two hours than most people eat in a week. But I've been practicing mindfulness as a way of eventually minimizing my binges and I realize she's right. Even though it's not a conscious decision, I know that when I "let" myself binge, it's because I feel worthless anyways so if I get fat it doesn't matter because I'm already a waste of space. And I get the quick release and relief when I eat delicious food that I deprive myself of the rest of the time so I get a sort of high from my binges. But then I keep on going, I keep on eating, and it doesn't even have to be foods I like, I just eat anything and everything. Until I'm left so full that I can't move and left crying because I really don't want to get fat and I regret it so much. And the relief that the binge started with is gone and I'm filled with regret and self-hatred and shame and disgust. Yet I do this to myself several times a week and make myself sit with the binge...I make myself feel uncomfortable as a punishment for binging.


I don't even know what the point of this post is but I'm feeling so overwhelmed and I just needed to get it out. I've binged so much in the past couple of months that I'm 10lbs heavier than my flair weight and I'm struggling to even have one day where I eat under my TDEE because food is the only thing that makes me feel okay lately. And yet it also makes me feel miserable. I feel so stuck.


My therapist and I have been slowly discussing my ED. I was honest with her about how I only want recovery from binges so ED recovery to me looks like switching to AN. Because I feel so powerful and in control of my emotions and my life when I'm restricting and losing weight. I feel like I am superwoman and can take on the world. But then I binge and I gain weight and I'm left feeling like a hopeless mess and feeling like everyone sees me as a no-good, fat, slobby, piece of trash that will never amount to anything.


I literally don't know where my head is at. It's after 12pm where I am and I haven't eaten yet today so I have hopes that I might be under my TDEE today but I also know I've started each day the past few weeks feeling the same way. I don't want to have an ED anymore. I don't want to punish myself. But I also don't want to gain weight (or even maintain my current weight). I want to be thin. I want to feel strong. My brain tells me that if I reached an underweight BMI, that my life will be better. That I'll have my happily ever after. I know that this is illogical but I still hold it as my motivation to keep on trying.


Fuck. I hate this so much sometimes.

---

[Discussion] Vitamins.
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Mon Feb 6 11:43:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sg0uz/vitamins/
---
Since I'm not ingesting quite enough to be "healthy" I've been taking a barrage of vitamins, but they make me super nauseous if I take them in the morning! I end up having to eat all my calories for the day when I take them just to keep them down. It's so frustrating. Then I have to go the entire day without food and I'm much more likely to binge when that's the case. Anyone else take vitamins with better success?

---

[Goal] Broke into the 130s for the first time in over 6 months!
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 139.1 | 22.54 | -9.1 | 21F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 11:28:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sfxgy/broke_into_the_130s_for_the_first_time_in_over_6/
---
I know that it's not really that super low, but I haven't seen a number in the 130s since the very beginning of August and even then just for a day. I know I won't see it again for another two days (because it was a low fasted point, and i've eaten food since then) but it's made it achievable. Like, I'll see it again in fewer than 4 days. I'm very happy

---

[Rant/Rave] Fail fail fat fail
/u/Alkylhalides [5'2| 122.8 | 22.5 | UGW: 99 | 20 F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 10:56:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sfq2i/fail_fail_fat_fail/
---
On mobile but flag as rant

I've been doing so well this semester. I haven't been counting cals but eating at a huge defecit and seeing actual results. I've gotten so many compliments and people are noticing how tiny I'm getting. I've even noticed my legs touching less when I walk. My orientation leader from summer into freshman year came back to visit (I'm finishing my sophomore year now) and even asked if I'd "lost a HUGE amount of weight". It made me feel so good.

Then I celebrated my birthday this weekend at home. I knew my parents would make me have cake and dinner Saturday so I worked out extra to be able to eat without feeling guilt or worrying them. I also went out to a club that night and danced off a lot of calories.

Then Sunday I was so hungover/high (weed) that I just ate ALL the things. My parents made me make homemade fettuccine alfredo with chicken francese so I had some of that. And cake. And pizza. And GATORADE WTF @ME. Then more cake. Plantain chips. Valentines day candy. And soda. Literally what is wrong with me.

Even today I just feel so full and bloated still from yesterday. I took an EC stack and I'm planning on fasting (except for a dinner I have planned with a friend who kinda knows about my ED so I have to eat) and probably going to take some laxatives too and probably adderall tonight to study.

I'm just mad at myself for having absolutely no control and especially after being so happy about losing so much weight before. Sigh. Starting over AGAIN I guess

---

[Rant/Rave] Post-binge fasting
/u/Ghengis-Khunt [5'5" |129.5 |21.8|GW: 110]
Created: Mon Feb 6 10:47:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sfo7r/postbinge_fasting/
---
DAE make up for a binge by fasting the next day? I've never actually done it before, but so far I'm feeling pretty good. I actually still feel full from last night and I stopped eating at 11pm...

Just gotta pull through till 11 tonight, by which time I'll be tired anyways and just go to sleep. I feel pretty bad about binging, but I think a day of fasting + heavy restriction tomorrow will even things out. Or is that too good to be true?

Anyways, thoughts? I'm on mobile but idk what I would flair this as anyways.

---

[Rant/Rave] Friend said I'd gained weight yesterday
/u/adrestiaiscoming [5'9"| GW 110 | -11| F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 10:32:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sfkux/friend_said_id_gained_weight_yesterday/
---
So I was out and about with a male friend yesterday. We were shopping around and I mentioned I didn't want to buy because I had started losing weight and didn't want to have clothes that were too big since I'm relatively short on cash at the moment.

He casually noted I had put on weight since I had surgery last year. (Long story short, I almost died, and freaked out and started eating and exercising so I wouldn't die, and here we are). This struck me as odd because he knows I've had serious issues in the past. I haven't been "triggered" lately at all and have been relatively happy though a bit fatter than I'd want, but this chilled me to the bone.

The mortification I felt at such a casual (and not cruel) mention of my weight gain... I'm sure you can imagine. And there was no malice behind it, merely an observation, and he loves me very much, but now I cannot stop thinking about it. Cut to me fasting, living on only tea and diet sodas, and throwing up everything I eat in front of anyone.

I hate this. I don't know what to do. I don't want to go back to this, but I also can't deal with being fat anymore.

Anyway, I guess this is just a rant, but thought maybe someone could relate to it, or if anyone else has had a moment where someone commented on their weight gain that made them feel uncomfortable.

Best wishes, all.

---

[Discussion] Binging after socializing
/u/erilaz- [5'7 | CW: 160 | GW: 110 | -60lbs | F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 10:19:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sfhy8/binging_after_socializing/
---
I went up to visit some friends for two days. The first day was okay, I was around 1000 calls from a sandwich and liquor. But the next day I just kept eating. I had Panera, a cheesesteak, nuggets, mozzarella fries, and another half of a cheesesteak along with a couple of drinks.

Coming home I had 1100 yesterday and was planning on fasting but I already had 660 calories. That will be all I'm eating along with exercise. And then a fast tomorrow. I'm trying to rationalize it as slowly getting back down to the level of restriction I had before my trip but I still feel so guilty about it.

Does this happen to anyone else? I feel like I have a cement brick in my stomach it's very uncomfortable.

(Mobile, no flair)

---

[Discussion] Does anyone go from one extreme to the other? [DISCUSSION]
/u/crybabybulimic [5'4" | 🙃 | -7 | GW: 100lbs |]
Created: Mon Feb 6 10:15:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sfh2t/does_anyone_go_from_one_extreme_to_the_other/
---
If I'm not starving, I'm binge/purging.
I lose 5lbs while starving and put 10 on while bingeing.

I feel so stuck.

---

[Discussion] Snapchat thinspo?
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 10:11:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sfg2h/snapchat_thinspo/
---
Basically I'm always on Snapchat so I would love to see some thinspo when I look at stories. I feel like that would keep me motivated. Tbh I follow like two porn stars cause they're always posting pics of their body (sometimes nsfw obviously) and it's goals af. Anyone have recommendations on some good accounts to follow?

---

Im an XS in winter gear even after eating more than I should<3
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 10:04:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sfeh5/im_an_xs_in_winter_gear_even_after_eating_more/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/428c8c8af58d4d2b8c7d4d5a15a2ada6?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=6edc59c7a5f55be40f09f2a13a6c39b0

---

[Tip] Low-calorie ice-cream (like Halo Top but in the UK)
/u/midnightmagicians [167cm | 70.3kg| 25.6 | -11kg | 18F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 09:11:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sf2vr/lowcalorie_icecream_like_halo_top_but_in_the_uk/
---
For all of us in the UK who can't have halo top, look out for 'oppo' ice-cream in supermarkets, its not too hard to find and only ~70kcal/100ml (depends on the flavour) :)

edit: spelling

---

[Rant/Rave] Digging up a dead girl
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 08:53:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5seywp/digging_up_a_dead_girl/
---
This cycle of restriction and getting back to my pre-recovery weight has brought up so many unexpected emotions. As my body returns to how it used to look, it feels like I'm excavating this old version of myself that has been gone for years, I'm finding little things about myself I completely forgot about. Like how the pattern of veins on my left hand has emerged and I found myself tracing it with my finger in a certain way which is something I used to do all the time during uncomfortable situations, when I was nervous, or just bored. I hadn't done that in years. I was immediately throw back to grade school, when my friends called me "robot" because I never ate. Awkward and unwilling to explain my fear of people seeing me eat, I shyly lowered my head and traced my veins. It's so nice to find old memories of my old body as I carve my way back to it.

One thing I didn't expect is that sometimes, not often, but occasionally I'll be hit by this...reverse dysphoria? I had been at a higher weight for so long I had gotten used to it and it was almost uncomfortable at points to feel my body change in ways I wasn't used to. I think that's when I realized for a long time, the barrier that had been mentally built between myself and the world had been a source of safety..and I guess that may have translated in a physical way too. I've always hated being short and petite, so I guess I'm afraid of if I get smaller, people will see me as that: small. weak. I wish I was 6 feet tall.

Anyway, of course getting smaller is far more comforting than being at a higher weight for me, so that dysphoria soon went away, especially as I have a good ways to go before I get anywhere near where I need to be..probably never.

Anyways, thanks for reading if you did. And for being the most wonderful community. It's so so nice here, you all are lovely.

Edit: I know I post here waaaaay too much so I am actively going to scale back for real

---

[Discussion] DAE suffer from Raynaud's?
/u/Llamabanger [5'2.5 | 112 | 20.4 | 104]
Created: Mon Feb 6 08:46:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sexj4/dae_suffer_from_raynauds/
---
Sorry I can't flair since I'm on mobile, but I was just curious to see if anyone else here struggles with Raynaud's or any other circulation disorder? I've had mine for a few years and it's always bad, but I've noticed it gets way worse when I'm a lower body weight, especially when I'm fasting or heavily restricting.

---

[Discussion] Interesting article about using addictions and eating disorders as coping mechanisms for bad parental relationships
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|104|18.9|F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 08:24:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5set2x/interesting_article_about_using_addictions_and/
---
http://www.psychalive.org/how-insecure-attachment-creates-fertile-ground-for-addictions/

---

[Help] Weight gain vs. water weight?
/u/bitterorbetter [5'5| 140 | 23.3 | -20| F19]
Created: Mon Feb 6 08:14:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ser7h/weight_gain_vs_water_weight/
---
I have been restricting to under 1000 and doing light work outs for the last week and had lost 4 pounds by yesterday I weighed myself again this morning and had gained 3 of them back. I ate a little more than usual yesterday but I didn't go over 1600 which is my calculate TDEE. So my question is how do I know if it's real weight gain or just retention of water? Or rather, how do I know if I'm actually losing weight or if my scale is just tricking me and I'm starving myself for nothing.

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[Rant/Rave] "Waking up" from a 5 day binge
/u/crumpet9 [5'3 | cw: 105.2 | gw: nothing | 20f]
Created: Mon Feb 6 07:57:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5senxq/waking_up_from_a_5_day_binge/
---
So, I've binged for 5 days straight. Ever since last Wednesday I have stuffed myself with disgusting, fatty foods. Everyday I would wake up feeling like there was a brick in my stomach, thinking I couldn't possibly eat anymore than the previous day. And then I would eat one small thing, and I would spiral. But now, it's Monday. I binged again yesterday. And even though I'm hungry and my binge brain is telling me to dive right back into the open bags of chips, I won't. It's time for this cycle to stop. Yes, the food might taste good when I'm stuffing my face, but it's the hours afterwards that kill me. I feel bloated, and disgusting, and full of guilt. It's time to stop beating myself up with food, and get back on track. Breaking the binge cycle is hard, but I'm determined!

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[Rant/Rave] Mom looked through my bag (rant)
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 07:53:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sen3c/mom_looked_through_my_bag_rant/
---
. . . And said "One pizza isnt enough to eat ! You cant function on one pizza . . . " and blah blah blah . I was already going to throw it out. So I just tossed another pizza one into my bag. (to throw it out as well)

And then mom comes to me and says "Actually , fine just have one piece. Put the other one back and dont throw it out, its wasting food. I think its ridiculous youre only having one"

it just PISSES me off because she always fucking controls me, or guilts me into going her way. I really wish she'd just leave me alone to do my own thing.

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[Help] exercising making me gain??
/u/wildhaired [5'5.5" | 18.0 | F | GW: 105]
Created: Mon Feb 6 07:38:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sekew/exercising_making_me_gain/
---
No matter how much I exercise and restrict right now, I seem to gain weight. Note: I don't count calories, I just eat very little during the day (apple and yogurt) and then either a small dinner or a normal dinner depending on whether I'm eating with people. Do you think the normal big dinners are causing this problem? Or my increase in exercise is the problem? I am so distressed but can't imagine that I'm eating SO MUCH in the evenings it would cause weight gain when I'm only eating ~300 calories during the day.

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[Discussion] How do you all structure your day when fasting?
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 07:37:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sek7r/how_do_you_all_structure_your_day_when_fasting/
---
So I'm doing my first fast because I think a new medication of mine is reducing my appetite, so I'm going to take advantage of it. The issue is that I usually structure my day around my mealtimes, so I'm kind of at a loss of what to do today. I don't know how to structure my day without meals. What do you all do?

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[Other] i'm happy i'm sick?
/u/tinybites [5'6" 24F | cw: 142.4 | gw: 115 | -42.6 lbs]
Created: Mon Feb 6 07:35:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sejva/im_happy_im_sick/
---
for the past 3 days i've had a wicked head cold, been super contested and exhausted. i feel like complete shit. best thing is i can't taste food because i'm so stuffed up, looks like there's no point in eating until i feel better. so i'm actually kinda happy i'm sick. #justedthings

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! February 06, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Feb 6 05:12:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sdw0v/weekly_stats_update_february_06_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for February 06, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 06, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Feb 6 05:12:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sdw0e/daily_food_diary_february_06_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 06, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] This made me laugh a strange laugh
/u/LittleSkittles [5'4" | 86.0 lbs | 14.76 | GW 70 lbs | 19F]
Created: Mon Feb 6 04:13:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sdnzz/this_made_me_laugh_a_strange_laugh/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I messed up... Bad.
/u/Ohmanohno
Created: Mon Feb 6 03:47:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sdk7n/i_messed_up_bad/
---
So Im 5'0 lost 35lbs. I wanted to eat at or around mainence... I have a pretty high metabolism so around 1500-2000 I don't exactly know. So I went about my usual day and ate 1700 calories... And my dumb ass convinced myself that it should be okay to eat 2 bows of cereal, half a quart of chocolate ice cream, a handful of pretzels and marshmallows, half a tub of sour cream and herb mashed potatoes, oh and ribs. That is easily over 4000 calories for my overall intake. Is that considered binge eating or just a fucked up mentality...what kind of damage am I looking at?

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[Rant/Rave] I'd rather die than go on like this
/u/MiaWreck
Created: Mon Feb 6 03:17:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sdgam/id_rather_die_than_go_on_like_this/
---
I'm really sick of being bulimic. I really am. I sick of this shit. I did drugs so that I'd be an addict instead of bulimic. I fucking became a junkie to avoid this, and now that I can't do drugs and don't even have the choice to do that anymore, I fucking rather die than have anyone determine what I can do to my body and what I can't. I want to kill myself. I don't want to live like this anymore.
I'm so angry with everyone in my life who tries to "save" me or "help" me. I fucking want to die. I want to starve to death. To my little sister, I'm so sorry. You're the only person I ever wanted to live for.

---

[Rant/Rave] I weigh 260lbs.
/u/Bubbline
Created: Mon Feb 6 00:57:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sd0gi/i_weigh_260lbs/
---
You cannot imagine my shame.

I have had an eating disorder basically my entire life. Both my parents have eating disorders. My dad is super thin and my mom is 500+lbs. I am a binge eater. I am a failure. I have PTSD and Borderine Personality Disorder and Bipolar and other things, too.

My 21st birthday is next week and I don't have a single friend to celebrate with. I am so miserable living in this body.

I don't feel like I belong here because I am so incredibly fat. But I relate to every single statement. And yet I am a failure. I can't even have an eating disorder right.

The worst part is, really, that I have never been made fun of for my weight. No one has ever commented on it. I carry it rather well. I have a good personality. But I'm a whale.

I had to stop smoking weed because I would get high and stare in the mirror and sob and sob and hurt myself because I can't change. I have tried so hard but I always slide back. I've lost 15lbs this year and gained it back.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to not be a failure. I just want to be pretty. I just want to be thin. I just want to fit in. I've wasted 21 years being fat and I don't want to spend one more second like this.

EDIT: Thank you all so much. I wrote this at 2am because I was stressed and couldn't sleep. It has taken me a very long time to be able to admit my weight to you all because I am so ashamed. So to all of you who are a similar weight and write it down, I know how hard it is and it is very admirable. You are all so supportive and lovely. Thank you for being such a welcoming community.

---

[Rant/Rave] So angry with myself
/u/DuckyShincracker [5'4 | 138.7 | 23.67 | -66.3lbs | F]
Created: Sun Feb 5 22:53:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5scjui/so_angry_with_myself/
---
I did so well this morning, even better this afternoon. Then I went to a super bowl party and ate way too damn much. Trying to tell myself tomorrow is a new day and all that positive stuff people are always spewing at you, and usually it helps, but not today. Damn damn damn!!! So upset right now, I legitimately don't even know how to move my mind past this right now. Been dwelling on it for hours. Such a waste of mental energy. But I just can't freaking stop kicking myself.

PS - can I not flair this post as rant on the app? Only desktop like subreddit flair?

Edit - Guessing somewhere between 1500 and 1600 calories for the day. Not more than I burned, according to Fitbit, but I aim for a 1000 calorie deficit daily, so this is pretty damn disappointing. I'm realizing that if I burned around the same or slightly more I shouldn't gain, but I always feel like I'm going to if I'm not losing. Anyway, calming down now thanks to a glass of wine (even though, ironically, it adds more calories to my day lol). Cheers!

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[Rant/Rave] ~just hit a new low :) :) :) :) ~
/u/typenaz [5'0| lol | -26 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 5 20:59:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sc0a4/just_hit_a_new_low/
---
so i was driving home from work, not even hungry, and i passed a mcdonalds...next thing i knew I was in the drive thru ordering food. i managed to eat 8 dollars worth of food in 10 minutes while driving. i dont even know how. i dont even like mcdonalds that much?? i think not being able to have it made me want it. i was so angry with myself i turned off onto a back road and threw it all up. i dont even purge regularly, i dont know what got into me. i just couldnt have it inside me. when i got home i took a bunch of laxatives. i guess its kind of funny in a sick way, me puking in the middle of a bunch of frozen corn fields lmao

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[Help] Self-care after a binge?
/u/tokkibun [5'8 | 110 | GW: 104 | NB-afab]
Created: Sun Feb 5 20:22:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sbsqi/selfcare_after_a_binge/
---
Today has been awful food-wise. It was my cheat day, but I ended up binging on sweets. I honestly don't even want to know how many calories I consumed. I'm going to fast tomorrow and not weigh myself, but I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist on Tuesday morning so I'm sure they'll weigh me then. I'm just so disappointed in myself because I'd been doing so well for weeks. What do y'all usually do in regards to self-care after a binge (specifically on sweets)?

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[Other] A wordcloud of my posts here
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 5 19:29:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sbkj1/a_wordcloud_of_my_posts_here/
---
http://imgur.com/Lxthn57

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Came across a bowl with a whole cabbage in it in skyrim... Couldn't resist making a meme of it
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Sun Feb 5 19:06:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sbgoc/came_across_a_bowl_with_a_whole_cabbage_in_it_in/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/226f7adc68654290a08e9a55f9af9afd?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=b397fdc763478a37e5298a338323b7d9

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[Discussion] What times do you exercise?
/u/MiaWreck
Created: Sun Feb 5 18:59:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sbfib/what_times_do_you_exercise/
---
I have a FitBit that tracks the calories burned, so I try to walk constantly, but I have a difficult time trying to actually incorporate workouts into my routine. It sounds dumb but I don't shower in the morning, so I don't want to workout in the morning. I don't really want to workout in the afternoon because then I'd have to take a shower an redo make up. That leaves working out at night. Does anyone workout at night? I feel like it'd be better if I worked out in the morning though :/ I'm so indecisive. This is probably a dumb question lol. But what times do you exercise? And what is your exercise routine? I just run, but I was thinking of trying workout videos like Insanity.

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[Help] Liquid Meals/Low cal snack ideas?
/u/hopelessly--hopeful [5'4" | puts whales to shame| F| 23]
Created: Sun Feb 5 18:57:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sbf1z/liquid_mealslow_cal_snack_ideas/
---
Alright. Since my body hates me and I clearly can't stop binging, at this point I'm pretty desperate. I don't think I can get away with a full 5 day fast, but I'm looking more into just doing a liquid meal replacement for 2/3 meals and then eating a small salad to try to get my body back into the restricting mode. I'll be going home this weekend, so any ideas for the best meal replacement drink and I'll stuff my duffel bag full. I've heard good things about Soylent, and the only other drinks I've really heard of is Ensure. So any ideas for that are welcome. I'm also going to look through old threads for some low cal snack options so maybe I can use those to avoid going to the campus cafeteria. Any help is so appreciated!

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[Intro] I take meds that made me gain half my original body weight. (Intro.)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 5 18:33:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sbau8/i_take_meds_that_made_me_gain_half_my_original/
---
[deleted]

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[Tip] Netflix users: To resist a binge, watch The Santa Clarita Diet
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 5 18:24:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sb9b5/netflix_users_to_resist_a_binge_watch_the_santa/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] When someone asks how you lost so much weight and you have to explain calories and tell them "Don't go under 1200 calories, that's dangerous!", and feel like a total hypocrite :-) [Rant]
/u/llamadude00
Created: Sun Feb 5 18:14:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sb7pg/when_someone_asks_how_you_lost_so_much_weight_and/
---
A friend asked how I lost so much weight and I explained TDEE and calorie counting to her and I told her not to go under 1200 bc that's dangerous but I felt like a huge hypocrite. Blah. I hope her weight loss journey is more healthful than mine is.

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Still doubting it...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 5 18:09:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sb6sm/still_doubting_it/
---
[deleted]

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] God damn it Trudy
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Sun Feb 5 18:07:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sb6gk/god_damn_it_trudy/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/c138d11490a14865b74b338a2bd48538?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=33221a1b0ae90ef5f4d179081509e4bf

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[Rant/Rave] the ups and downs of being on vacation
/u/ifuckpineapples [5'3" | 100.8 | 17.8 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 5 17:47:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sb321/the_ups_and_downs_of_being_on_vacation/
---
well I'm half way through my trip to London now, and while I was apprehensive about being on vacation with family (my aunt who I hadn't seen in years) it's been going surprisingly well.

firstly, I'm so glad I got my Fitbit before going, because even if it isn't 100% accurate, being able to track the time I'm active and walking is so useful. (and more accurate than me guessing at the end of the day). it ports right into mfp as exercise and (surprise!) I've been able to stay under 700 net a day because of all the walking around. HELL YES! I mean tbf, without the walking is be getting about 200 over my tdee each day I think. but still, the first day here I netted negative, then around 200, and today was around 700. I might get home and have actually lost a fraction of a pound instead of gained. I'd be ecstatic.

it also helps that Ive just not had to eat as much as I thought. one, we've been going to a lot of high end restaurants which have smaller portions, and two, my aunt is small and doesn't have much of an appetite, meaning I dont have to make myself eat more than her. she never finishes anything and doesn't pressure me at all to eat, it's perfect.

downsides, no scale here. boo. but I wouldn't even want to use it because second downside, I'm bloated AF. (tmi warning) I haven't popped since BEFORE I left for my flight three/four days ago. ugh. guess maybe my body isn't used to all these new foods. and third downside, no full length mirrors, so I can't really body check at all. trust me I've tried to Acrobat a way to see more in the bathroom mirror but it's impossible. damn it.

anyways, couldnt sleep and wanted to rave about some ED type stuff, and I can only really do that here. wish me luck that the second half of this vacations goes just as well 💞

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[Tip] Gumbo
/u/F0xQueen [5'2 | CW: 101 lbs | GW:96 | 19.14 | -14 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Feb 5 17:41:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sb1va/gumbo/
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Guys. I just made Gumbo for the first time. It's delicious, SUPER filling, and only 90 cals for a whole cup!

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[Rant/Rave] For the first time in my life, skinny jeans made me happy!
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 24.03 | -68lbs | M]
Created: Sun Feb 5 17:36:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sb15h/for_the_first_time_in_my_life_skinny_jeans_made/
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So today I went out to run errands with my mother before the Superbowl. Despite the fact that I wasn’t leaving the car I decided to put actual pants on. I haven’t worn jeans for three months but the only pair I’ve ever liked are these ripped up black skinny jeans. Last time I wore them they were skin tight and almost cut off my blood circulation at the waist.

I PUT THEM ON TODAY AND THEY WERE PRACTICALLY FALLING OFF! I could pull them on without unbuttoning them and the normally skin-tight legs were super loose on me. When I pinched the fabric at my thigh and pulled it tight there was an extra four inches of space there at least. It’s so mind blowing to me, these pants that have always bordered on being too tight are now literally baggy.

I knew that I lost inches thanks to taking monthly measurements but seeing numbers on a page is so different from putting clothes on and actually feeling it.

I was in a super dark place this morning. Needless to say I’m no longer there!

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[Rant/Rave] Venting time
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 5 17:00:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5saus7/venting_time/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Discussion: DAE feel like they have different personalities based on their ED's?
/u/anadrogyne [173 cm | 52.4kg | 17.5 | -2.5kg| F]
Created: Sun Feb 5 16:53:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5satfg/discussion_dae_feel_like_they_have_different/
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The title is probably not the best to describe what I mean, so I'll elaborate. I've been through 3 periods (personalities). One is my pre ED self. I used food as comfort at the time. I was very depressed and found no meaning in life, but I had a couple of close friends that took ages to get close to and trust ( as much as you can with anxiety ). I was interested in music and art and I would love researching artists and spend hours and hours playing piano and guitar daily, my sketchbooks were full of paintings. Then comes my second personality, my restrictive self. I am manic when I restrict. I am social and outgoing, I'm confident and aproach things with a lot of self awareness and clarity. I feel on top of the world. I get shit done. I feel conected with the world and I easily come to creative ideas, but I don't think I have time to sit down and paint, as I am so happy and manic I'd rather be all over the place. And my third personality is my BED/bulimic self. I am depressed, I do absolutely nothing and I bathe myself in guilt. All that matters to me is food and how much of It I eat. No interest in connecting with society, I feel gross and I seclude myself in my room, in constant self deprication and self loathing.

The thing I find interesting is that whenever I am in one of these periods, I have a hard time connecting with my other past selfs. I firmly believe that was not me and I find it hard relating to my actions during those times. When I'm restricting I laugh at my BED self, hate her actually, I can't believe that was me. Or when I'm bulimic I envy my past self, I hate her to guts. How dare she has more self control than I do. It's truly a weird feeling, I hope I am not completely nuts and hopefully someone relates to this, otherwise I think it's time I get thrown in a looney bin.

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[Help] Can't Purge - help
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 5 16:26:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5saonq/cant_purge_help/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Preferences for losing weight
/u/every_label
Created: Sun Feb 5 15:54:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sairo/preferences_for_losing_weight/
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Just was wondering what everyones thoughts and preferences are for weight loss.

Personally I have flip flopped between exercising a ton and eating an average amount (which also lead to binging and vomiting) versus no exercise and eating the bare minimum. I find I have more willpower to restrict when I don't exercise but also feel like the weight loss is slower.

Not sure which one I prefer and just was wondering what other people thought about this.

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[Intro] New to subreddit, but not to an ED
/u/porcelain-joy [5'7.5 | 18NB]
Created: Sun Feb 5 15:20:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5sac1c/new_to_subreddit_but_not_to_an_ed/
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Hey everyone. I'm an 18 (19 on the 15th) year old, born female but I'm honestly not sure if I ID as a woman or not, I probably fall closer to non-binary in terms of my gender. I've had an ED for probably ten years now, even though I didn't actually realize what it was until I turned twelve. I've had a few attempts at recovery, but I've relapsed each time.

I'm close to my highest weight right now; currently 126 pounds, high weight is 130, which I know isn't really that high for a lot of people, but I've been struggling with food since I was in elementary school. Not going to bother stating my lowest weight, but I'll just say it was in the double digits. I've been hovering between a 18.2 and 19.8 bmi since about August, because I've been stuck in a really awful b/p cycle with the occasional restriction thrown in.

Anyways, I've been trying to cut down my laxative intake recently and it's been really, really hard because I hate the bloated feeling. My jean size has gone up a lot too and I'm practically living in sweatpants and baggy jackets because I'm too ashamed of my body to wear anything tight. I've cut down the binging but can't seem to stop purging no matter what; both with laxatives and throwing up. Anyways, I'm hoping to be able to lose all this fat and weight I've put on since my last recovery stint, also going to try and stop eating so much junk food. Currently coming off my period as well, so I'm going to try and restrict + drink more water this week and hopefully my weight will go down and I won't be tempted to take so many laxatives this weekend. I'm supposed to visit my dad in April, and I'm straight up petrified and ashamed of letting him and his family see me looking like this. Last time I went, I was 119.2 pounds but he guessed I was 150...now I'm 7 pounds more and about 3x fatter looking, even though everyone says there's no difference. I guess my view of myself is just really warped.

If anyone bothered to read this, thanks! Hopefully I'll be able to post on here, though I'm really awful at keeping up with things. Also, I'm really nervous about posting this so I hope I don't get any hate ;; Sorry if I somehow come off rude in this, it wasn't my intention.

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[Help] Gaining muscle?
/u/agentcherrycola
Created: Sun Feb 5 15:12:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5saag8/gaining_muscle/
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I'm 5'11 and between 137-139lbs.
I've been eating around 1000-1300cal a day (my bmr is 1500ish) but so far I've gained 2-3lbs since January. I've also started working out by going to a barre class once a week and doing more walking in my daily life. Given that I am definitely eating at a deficit, even if I have miscalculated my calories at some points, how can I have gained this much weight so quickly? Is it possible to gain muscle mass like this with such low-frequency workouts? I should add that my measurements have not changed in this time - they have increased very slightly since December but I'm putting this down to Christmas weight gain.
Any thoughts?

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[Help] Carbs and hunger?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Sun Feb 5 12:16:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s99zz/carbs_and_hunger/
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So I tend to follow pretty low carb since I have a tendency towards insulin resistance. However, I think I might be lowering too much? I'm currently on metformin as well and exercise most days, but try to keep my carbs at 45-50g total max, usually closer to 35g. For a while before I upped my metformin dosage and exercising I was fine, and now I have trouble keeping carbs low without getting hungry. Once I hit around 55-60 grams I feel fine. Does anyone else cut back carbs and if so does it affect your hunger?

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[Rant/Rave] I broke down and tried telling my mom that I thought I may have an ED... lmao @ me thinking she would give a shit :^)
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 113 | 19.35| Lost: 47|GW:☠]
Created: Sun Feb 5 11:10:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s8vou/i_broke_down_and_tried_telling_my_mom_that_i/
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I mean I shouldn't be shocked, she didn't give a shit when I was 13 and tried telling her about how I literally wanted to kill myself every day, she didn't care when I actually did try, so why would I expect her to care about this? I literally don't have a single friend on the planet who I can talk to, I can't afford to go back into therapy, so instead I'm sitting in my room posting on fucking reddit :)



haha I've had so much fear of her getting suspicious about my ED, turns out it was all in my head because ofc she would never actually care about me that much, why would I even pretend like she did :)

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[Thinspo] Kristin Stewart (xpost r/gifs)
/u/soberasfuck
Created: Sun Feb 5 10:31:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s8n34/kristin_stewart_xpost_rgifs/
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https://gfycat.com/AchingUnconsciousBlackfly

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[Discussion] DAE find that their acne clears up when they fast?
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 139.1 | 22.54 | -9.1 | 21F]
Created: Sun Feb 5 09:45:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s8d11/dae_find_that_their_acne_clears_up_when_they_fast/
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On mobile, flair discussion

But I find that my acne clears up and I look really good when I don't eat for 36+ hours. Yet another reason lol

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[Intro] I forgot how good this shit feels.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 5 09:21:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s882n/i_forgot_how_good_this_shit_feels/
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[deleted]

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[Help] What to eat
/u/borrow_our_light [5'7| 134.4lbs | 21.78 BMI | -27.2lbs | F | GW 115]
Created: Sun Feb 5 09:14:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s86n2/what_to_eat/
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*on mobile can't flair

It's my best friends 21st birthday tonight so he's throwing this kick back for all of our close friends. Everyone is expected to get trashed, rules of the party.
Do you know any food that are super low calorie that I can eat so that I don't get sick tonight. I've never committed party foul before and I don't plan on having that happen tonight in his new apt.

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] "You're having pop at 11 am?"
/u/deanhipchester [5' | 111.4 lbs | 22.91 | -31 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Feb 5 09:14:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s86mg/youre_having_pop_at_11_am/
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Shut up, Betty. I'll have my god damn diet soda whenever I want.

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[Rant/Rave] Unexpected benefits to water fasting
/u/OriginalJokeGoesHere
Created: Sun Feb 5 09:04:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s84jl/unexpected_benefits_to_water_fasting/
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[removed]

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[Help] [help] estimated kcal in this bun? Kiwi for scale
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 52.5 kg | 19.28 | 18 f]
Created: Sun Feb 5 07:39:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s7nri/help_estimated_kcal_in_this_bun_kiwi_for_scale/
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https://imgur.com/a/sWTJg

Thanks <3

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[Other] Back on track today :o)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 5 06:26:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s7cs7/back_on_track_today_o/
---
[deleted]

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[Tip] The Squat Challenge E-Book
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 5 06:08:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s7a2z/the_squat_challenge_ebook/
---
[deleted]

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The Squat Challenge E-Book Download
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 5 05:32:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s759e/the_squat_challenge_ebook_download/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My roommate just recalibrated her scale and I'm so relieved.
/u/dongledongs [5'6" | 135 lbs | -16 | GW 115 | LW 128 |21.79 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 5 05:27:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s74mo/my_roommate_just_recalibrated_her_scale_and_im_so/
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I have to tell someone because no one knows I do this but my roommate has to monitor her weight + blood pressure for her health so she has a scale and I always secretly use it.


Since I've come back from break, I noticed the needle was off of zero, but I'm not super familiar with how scales like that work so I didn't really even think about it. It kept telling me I was 140+ and even after starving myself consistently for 2 weeks it said the same thing. I didn't understand why I was plateauing at less than 900 cals a day. It's been ruining me, anxiety-wise and I've self-harmed a bit.


But just now I went to weigh myself after a fast and noticed the needle was on zero again and weighed myself to more acceptable results (don't want to say the exact number until I reach that weight. Is that weird?). I am just so relieved. I had such a hard week and this is the most accomplished I've felt in a while. I almost don't want to eat today too to keep the progress going. I want to brag to my boyfriend but that would be super fucked up and I don't want to scare him. He doesn't know I fast regularly.


I probably sound like a crazy lady and maybe there is a bit of mania in there because 2 straight days of EC stacks, but I had to tell someone somewhere. That sounds conceited. Thanks for listening.


EDIT: I'm on mobile so I can't flair. Goal or Rant/Rave should be fine, sorry mods.

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Feb 5 05:08:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s72lo/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
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Happy Sunday February 05, 2017~

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 05, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Feb 5 05:08:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s72l7/daily_food_diary_february_05_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for February 05, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Help] I got a job at an eating disorder recovery centre...what are your tricks for looking bigger than you are?
/u/horror_threadkiller
Created: Sun Feb 5 04:21:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s6xby/i_got_a_job_at_an_eating_disorder_recovery/
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Awkward?

I'm a nurse and got the news today, it's a high paying position in a beautiful part of town with great benefits.

The awkward part...I'm 5'10 and 105 pounds. I restrict and i obsessively exercise.

This job will require me to eat meals with the patients, thankfully only once a day, so I'm planning on just not eating the rest of the day.

I'm scared I'll get fired. I feel hypocritical. I'm thinking about turning down the offer completely. I know when I was in the hospital I wouldn't have appreciated a tiny nurse.

The woman who interviewed me didn't make any comments but I purposefully wore very loose fitting clothes. I'm going to buy some loosely fitting scrubs and wear a long sleeve shirt underneath to hide my skinny arms.

Any other tips? Any advice on this job? Should I take it even though it's hypocritical to preach recovery when I'm not doing it?



**EDIT**
thank you all so very much for your thoughtful responses. I was little hesitant about this sub at first but I feel very welcomed and appreciate how kind you've all been.

I read each of your comments and think right now it's probably best to not take this job. I already have a tour of the facility set up tomorrow, so I will go to that at least and get a feel for the facility, meet some patients and gauge their reaction/comfort level towards me. I'm planning on wearing slightly tighter clothes and I'll see if my hiring manager has any comments. I've already told her I used to be anorexic and was hospitalized so I think she would let me know if she had any concerns.

Even if tomorrow goes well, I don't think I'll be taking this job, but I have the rest of the week to decide. Thankfully I have lots of other interviews this week. Hopefully something else comes up.

Thanks again guys. ❤

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[Rant/Rave] Apples and Absences
/u/woollyshirt [17.5 BMI | Trying to Maintain | M]
Created: Sun Feb 5 04:15:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s6wm7/apples_and_absences/
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I guess there are several facets to the apple thing.

It would be nice, when I am hungry, to not feel like I need to care about the calories in a single apple. If I was a single apple's worth of calories over my TDEE every day, it would be two months before I would gain a single lb. And I could lose more than that in a 3 day fast. And I don't even like apples enough to eat one a day for two months.

It would be nice to be able to pick up an apple, and not have to weigh it. Or have to weigh the remains of the stuff I don't eat. I've come to see that ultimately exact calorie counts aren't even necessary for losing/gaining/maintaining. Particularly as I'm in a rough weight range that I intend to stay in for a year or three. And after eating 2000-2500 for best part of a month I was still able to get to a comfortable weight, half a kilo above my lowest ever weight, within 4 days of eating an average of ~1250. I know some is food and water weight (and medication related weight fluctuations) but I feel like the point still stands. Why should I care so much if the apple was 55 calories or 65 calories? I don't care about the differences in my TDEE that much when I take 5000 steps in a day or when I take 15000 steps in a day.

It would be nice if I could pick up an apple and throw it in my bag as a snack for later it would be a lot easier than cutting it up like a toddler and sticking it in a box or a plastic bag, which then leads to environmental moral discomfort over using disposables. I prefer eating apples whole, too. But my ED doesn't like it.

Finally, it would be nice if I didn't feel obliged to find a use for the apples that someone else leaves in the fruit bowl of my home. I don't live alone. It is not solely my responsibility to ensure that food doesn't go to waste. Particularly when I didn't buy it! Yet I know that no one else will consider eating an apple while we have literally anything else to eat so I feel obliged to eat them anyway.

It's weird how boring shit like apples can control me so much.

And now for part 2: Absences.

For those of you who were wondering about my absence, I did end up getting a surgery referral. Everything went about as well as it could've gone. I'm not dead. I guess I'm kind of restricting again but I'm not sure if I want to be, but I'm loving the weight drops that come with it. The stress of everything was a lot to deal with and I got pushed out of my comfort zone a little bit, and took a break from everywhere to calm down. I guessed people would notice but I didn't really expect most people to particularly care at all but I figured a couple of people might message me about it. I was weirdly uncomfortable with realising quite how many people cared about my absence when historically people want me gone and think my presence is a nuisance to others. It was weird. I feel like I should be grateful but the discomfort remains regardless, as 'I care about you' has generally come alongside 'now please do this thing which will put you through hell for my sake' and I am not up for that shit anymore..

But thank you for the concern, and it's nice to see that people, even distantly on the internet, want me to be ok. 💖

Also a slight mod note/general serious message: I want to tack on here that if you are concerned about my, or anyone else's wellbeing, it shouldn't be something to discuss publicly on here or on peach or whatever. I needed my privacy and I did see the multiple posts and conversations discussing my welfare and it really didn't feel comfortable or OK with it. Quite frankly, I am allowed to choose who knows what about my moods and I think in future if you are concerned about a fellow sub user (or mod) that you do your utmost best to be kind and caring and respect their privacy. I hope this doesn't come across as rude but it feels like a necessary thing to say.

Normal posting of food pics will resume soon...✨

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[Intro] New to the sub, 10 years worth of ED
/u/every_label
Created: Sun Feb 5 03:18:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s6pyr/new_to_the_sub_10_years_worth_of_ed/
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Hi everyone.

Newbee to the forum - but long time aneroxic/bulimic/BED/exercise addict - as my flair says - I have had every label under the sun. It has been 10 years on and off and I am probably at my highest weight right now - about 115lbs but I don't weigh myself so I don't really know. My lowest was 93lbs 2 years ago and I really want to get back there. The only thing is I have been in and out of therapy many times over the past 10 years and have worked through a lot of the pain/reasons why I used my ED as a means of controlling other aspects of my life. I am completely honest about it with other people in my life - and tbh I don't want it in my head anymore. But I want to be skinny more than I want it to be gone...It felt easy all the other times to lose weight and restrict but now it is much harder having addressed lots of the issues but I want to feel thin again. Pretty sure I also suffer badly from Body Dysmorphia... (also have panic attacks, high levels of anxiety , self harm tendencies and depression - THE WHOLE SHABANG).

I just wanted to say hi to you all. I have been reading a lot of the posts over the last few days (new to reddit too) and it seems like a warm welcoming community of individuals.

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[Rant/Rave] I WENT TO ITALY FOR 5 DAYS AND ONLY GAINED A POUND!!!
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 59.7 | GW: < 57 | 19.95/19.72 | F]
Created: Sun Feb 5 03:00:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s6nxz/i_went_to_italy_for_5_days_and_only_gained_a_pound/
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I recently went on a retreat for my department to a 5 star hotel in Italy. Went from 1 meal a day to 3, and it was all home made pasta, cream, and risotto (along with wine at every meal). Lunch and dinner were always 3 courses which included dessert. I tried to fill up on salads as much as possible (which were amazing since they had so many different things) and I always left half my dinner on my plate but it was all so heavy and rich.

But I weighed myself this morning, and I'm only up 0.6 kg! Not ideal, but definitely not as bad as I feared. Now I'm back to my normal schedule, and while I'll miss the food, I'm not going to miss the constant worrying that came with it.

Also, TMI, but I went from pooping 1 every couple of days, to pooping 1 to 2 times a day.

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Experience with LCD? (Low Calorie Diet/Restriction)
/u/kuuiyneko
Created: Sun Feb 5 01:35:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s6fib/experience_with_lcd_low_calorie_dietrestriction/
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[removed]

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[Intro] intro I guess
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 5 00:54:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s6bg5/intro_i_guess/
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Idk im assuming this is one of those subs where you can't post if you don't have an intro or something

So when I was little my parent told me to finish my plate every time because 'starving kids in africa' and so I did

Then I became 🐳 and then I kept trying ways to become not 🐳 and then I happened to find Reddit because I was really sad and found suicidewatch and casualconversation when I was 10

Then some posts about weight hit front page and I felt like shit so I learner about calories but it turned into a game of how low can I eat per day without parent noticing

Now the funny thing is people think I'm vegetarian because like I care for animals or something but nah I'm just lazy and don't like chewing so I dont eat meat

Another thing that made calories into a game was my parent is insecure and doesn't let a scale into the house so I had to guess and I kept thinking I'd guess wrong so I stayed under like 1k and then I figured out that if I ate once a day then I can be full without eating much and if that thing I eat looks unhealthy then parent won't notice so I kept doing that

I still binge on pizza sometimes but it went down since I ate once a day

I've lurked here for ages but never posted because "I'm just curious, I don't really have an education" but at this point I relate to too much shit here that there's no point denying

Sorry for incoherent ball of text, on mobile

I still don't have a scale ;_; and parent don't let me cook but I managed to get a food scale by getting really into coffee and saying I needed one to make sure I use the same amount of beans each day

Doubt that'll work for a real scale without them getting sus tho

Anyway hi

How do you guys deal with having nothing to measure yourself against? I've been eating like 700Cal (roughly, give or take 150, I can't measure accurately because parent no let me cook so I have to watch them and note what they used and to get amounts I have to weigh all products they use before and after, but sometimes that doesn't work because they make 2 servings, one for me one for them uggggh)

Like I think I'm losing because my belt gets looser but like I can't be sure of that like what if it's just my lungs sucking in more ugh idk

Anyway if you read through this incoherent babble Ty 💜

So back to the question, what do you guys do if you can't quantifiably measure yourself? I hope one day my parent decides we're going overseas for a holiday or something because then I have an excuse for getting a scale to measure the bags

Finally, the one meal I do eat a day is 100g-150g pasta with like half a tbsp of cream and a fuckload of spice because it looks unhealthy enough for parent to think I'm just a weird kid who eats once a day because it's more efficient but really it's just because it's the only way I can not binge off being hungry all the time.

My closing words: fuck being short

Edit: did I break a rule already? Lemme know which one because I got doenvoted and I want to know what i did wrong <3

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I'm running so I no longer look like the Michelin man when I run...?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Feb 5 00:11:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s66zh/im_running_so_i_no_longer_look_like_the_michelin/
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[removed]

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[Help] Water weight?
/u/tokkibun [5'8 | 110 | GW: 104 | NB-afab]
Created: Sun Feb 5 00:08:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s66oj/water_weight/
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I've been stuck at 116 for about a week and a half, but I've been eating between 400 and 900 calories a day, never over that. My waist is down half an inch, so I just don't get it. Could it be water weight?

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[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] Fuck inconsiderate people.
/u/099103501 [166cm | cw 111lbs| bmi 18.3]
Created: Sat Feb 4 23:07:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s5zd9/rantrave_fuck_inconsiderate_people/
---
So I've been trying to recover for awhile and man I've been doing pretty well. Gained weight from 105lbs to 115lbs and am uncomfortable with my body but dealing. I eat sorta normal amounts. I've been seeing a psychologist and I'm on the waiting list for a provincially run eating disorder clinic. And my long distance boyfriend is incredibly supportive, I can talk about how I'm feeling with him whenever I need to and he's the only reason I've put any effort into getting better.

And it all just went down the fucking drain.

I've been sorta relapsing and today was particularly tough and I definitely hadn't eaten enough after eating my three meals, but so be it. Then, my mom's Indian friend comes over. Both of them are morbidly obese. He brought fresh deep fried samosas and they stared me down until I ate one, making comments the whole time about eating, and cooking butter chicken for me, and how much they love food, and working them off at the gym. I had to leave midway to cry a little and come back. I finished that goddamn samosa and it was delicious and I hate myself. But then the real kicker, they start talking about weightless and calories. And don't think I haven't talked to my mom about how badly that makes me feel. And yet they continue to talk about bellies that stick out and are too big. And fatty foods making them fat. And I couldn't take it.

I ran away and I've been laying in my bed sobbing for half an hour being comforted by my boyfriend who lives 2800 kilometres away. No hugs or cuddles or kisses for fat/not fat/too big/too small me. I want to be delicately, fragilely, tiny again.

---

Motivation to get through a long plateau?
/u/slimbakerbitch [5'8.5" | 129 | 19.05 | F24]
Created: Sat Feb 4 22:52:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s5xj4/motivation_to_get_through_a_long_plateau/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Major binge. MAJOR
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 4 22:43:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s5w9p/major_binge_major/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Anxiety about my teeth could actually be the death of me.
/u/mydestructiveside [Height 5' | CW 85 | BMI 16.59]
Created: Sat Feb 4 22:36:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s5vfg/anxiety_about_my_teeth_could_actually_be_the/
---
tl;dr: I'm pretty sure there is something seriously wrong with at least one of my teeth right now as a result of purging in the past, but I'm too paralyzed by fear to do anything about it and now too scared to eat pretty much anything. I'm feeling desperate and hopeless and alone and have no one to turn to for comfort or help.

I haven't purged in nearly five years but I still have a major fear of losing my teeth. I definitely did some damage considering I'd never had cavities before I started, but after I started usually needed one or two fillings each time I saw a dentist. Even so, all the dentists and hygienists I saw over the years reassured me that the damage was minimal and that I am not on the verge of losing all of my teeth (I have been convinced for years that I am thisclose to having all of my teeth fall out all at once).

Despite all of their reassurance, I have remained convinced that I'm going to end up with major issues. The fear overrides my brain and prevents me from doing the things I know logically will help me in the long run-- I don't floss, because I'm afraid that I will break my teeth right in half in the process; I only chew on my right side because somehow that feels safer; and I haven't been to the dentist in over 2.5 years because just the thought of it sends me into an absolute panic.

Anyway, last night my tongue hit into my back teeth (upper left) and I swear I felt a hole, like my tooth is legit rotting out of my mouth. Now I am also feeling discomfort and not quite pain but pressure I guess? So now I am freaked out about that tooth, and all of my teeth because obviously if one tooth is fucked then all of them are. I don't know for certain that it's even fucked at all-- maybe it wasn't a hole I felt, just the normal shape of my tooth being distorted by my anxiety. Or maybe it was a bit of food, like popcorn stuck in my gums, idk. The thing is, I can't even bring myself to check again with my tongue because I cannot fucking deal with it. Which is stupid, because if my tooth is fucked up it's not going to be any more or less fucked up by me checking it, and if it's not fucked up then it sure would be nice to know that so I can stop freaking out.

But I am too scared to check it myself. I am too scared to go to the dentist. So that leaves me pretty much stuck. Either my teeth really are rotting out of my mouth, in which case there will eventually be an infection which will land me in the hospital or morgue because I'm not going to get it treated, or else they're not and it's all in my head in which case the anxiety over it might kill me, literally. Because now I'm afraid to eat pretty much anything. Today I've had some feta cheese and eggs with mozzarella. Most everything else in my house is terrifying. I can't eat fruit because of the acid and sugar. Can't eat veg because idk why, just can't. Can't have any flavored yogurt because of sugar. No carbs because they will stick to my teeth and break down into sugar and sugar will rot my teeth further. Pretty much nothing is safe other than eggs, cheese, maybe plain yogurt and unsweetened almond milk. Doesn't make for a healthy, balanced diet (even by ED standards).

I had 300 calories today. Assuming 300 calories will be my average day going forward (because the fear will overpower everything else...food cravings, binge impulses, the occasional will to live and desire to eat like a normal healthy person), I'll lose about two pounds per week. If I lose at a rate of two pounds per week, I will most likely be dead or close to it by May. Granted a large part of me wants to die (or at least doesn't want to live with the loneliness, anxiety, anger, sadness, etc), but still. There's a part of me that wants to live. Too bad I'm too scared to save myself.

Many years ago, about a year after I developed AN, my dad came over to scream at me about it. He said that if I kept it up my organs would shut down and I'd end up in hospital, and how unfair it would be because he'd be stuck with the bill. Then he didn't talk to me for a week. I think that was the harshest moment, but a good example of how things went the entire 7-8 years of my ED (round 1). No concern whatsoever for me really, no effort to understand or to actually help me (and I would've jumped at any offer of help). It was all about how it was inconveniencing them, or might inconvenience them in the future.

That whole incident plays on a loop in my head constantly. I can't afford to pay for major dental work. My dad could pay for it fairly easily, but considering how much more he cares about his money than about my wellbeing, I can't imagine it would go over well.

I'm so scared and have no one to turn to for comfort. Dad will freak out on me, mom is dead to me, no other family I can talk to, no friends, no boyfriend (lol @ me not being able to get a boyfriend now, can't imagine it'll be easier when I'm missing all my teeth!), the only person I could maybe talk to is my boss because she's good at calming me down and finding a way to solve pretty much any problem, but I'm too embarrassed and ashamed to tell her. She knows my ED history but I can't possibly admit how long it's been since I've gone to the dentist, or tell her about my insurance situation, or that yeah I blow half the money I make on clothes (in my defense, even if I'd saved all that money I still wouldn't be able to pay for major dental stuff, and buying/wearing cute clothes is pretty much the only small source of self-esteem I have) and my dad has provided so much for me but actually if my teeth fall out I can't afford to fix them. I can't admit that to anyone irl.

I think I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. Comfort? Advice? Maybe not advice because it's not like I'll be able to follow it. Idk. Can anyone relate at all, even a little bit? Even if it's not about your teeth but just anxiety stuff in general?

---

[Rant/Rave] I ruined everything.
/u/MissMagus
Created: Sat Feb 4 22:31:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s5umt/i_ruined_everything/
---
I was within 5 pounds of my lowest fucking weight. I was RIGHT THERE.

Then, I cut back on drinking and decided "OH I'LL JUST SMOKE WEED INSTEAD"

Two weeks later, I've gained 10 fucking pounds. I haven't given a shit. I gave into the munchies and my depression and just overall stopped caring. I stopped showering daily, started sleeping a lot, and indulged in every craving I had. Last week alone I had rice, donuts, pasta, and bread. And cheese. And pesto. And eggs. I was supposed to be going vegan and I ate fucking eggs. And PIZZA. I generally REFUSE those foods. The fact I ate like a CUP OF RICE and fucking DONUTS shows me how low I sunk. It's been literally years since I indulged in donuts. Fuckin. Donuts. Sugar coated glazed donuts. What the fuck is wrong with me.

I can't ever be happy. I can't ever be sober. I ruined myself.

My tits got bigger and they don't fit in the new bra I bought at the beginning of the year. Holy fuck I hate my tits. I hate them so much. I've been trying to save up for a reduction. I'm rocking a 32F, and yoyo-ing between 150 and 110 has fucked them up so bad. They look like floppy pancakes. My pants were falling off my ass two weeks ago, and now I have stomach pudge. They're tight. I can FEEL my stomach roll. I can FEEL the fat on my body. I can feel every pound and I want it fucking gone.

Why did I do this.

I was so close.

Why do i do this.

---

Tooo many fucking calories
/u/sprinkle1997 [5'2 | CW 125 GW 100 | 19F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 21:46:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s5ofb/tooo_many_fucking_calories/
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[removed]

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[Help] How do you not smell like vomit after purging?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 4 20:54:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s5gzf/how_do_you_not_smell_like_vomit_after_purging/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] How to deal with alcohol?
/u/krebsunicycle [5'7" | 116.5lbs | 18.18 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 20:25:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s5cns/how_to_deal_with_alcohol/
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Hello all. I recently turned 21 and it feels like alcohol is dragging me down. I've gained around 10 lbs and I just feel crappy all the time. My friends always want to drink. And I want to spend time with my friends.

Additionally I feel like alcohol makes my anxiety really bad. Does anyone have any advice? Anyone relate to this?

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[Discussion] Is anyone else insanely pissed off by this crap from celebrities?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 4 19:54:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s57qs/is_anyone_else_insanely_pissed_off_by_this_crap/
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http://imgur.com/a/Th8I4

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[Discussion] Is anyone else insanely pissed off by this kind of crap from celebrities?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 4 19:49:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s56zf/is_anyone_else_insanely_pissed_off_by_this_kind/
---
http://imgur.com/a/Th8I4

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[Goal] the worlds tiniest thigh gap, but a gap none the least
/u/tinybites [5'6" 24F | cw: 142.4 | gw: 115 | -42.6 lbs]
Created: Sat Feb 4 19:23:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s52tt/the_worlds_tiniest_thigh_gap_but_a_gap_none_the/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Going out in public and feeling inferior to others
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 4 19:03:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s4zm7/going_out_in_public_and_feeling_inferior_to_others/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Eating at night?
/u/lovelysilliness
Created: Sat Feb 4 18:52:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s4xq8/eating_at_night/
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(moblie can't flair)


So I take antidepressants and anti insomnia meds. The antidepressants leave me not hungry which is awesome. But the anti insomnias make me hungry. So I tend to not eat during the day, or restrict heavily during the day, and then eat after I take my sleeping pills before I go to bed. Is that a counterproductive way to lose weight since I'm not burning off what I eat in my sleep?

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[Other] I cannot confirm or deny that Halo Top was on sale at my local grocery store.
/u/lilialley
Created: Sat Feb 4 16:46:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s47yn/i_cannot_confirm_or_deny_that_halo_top_was_on/
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https://i.redd.it/twvh0z6mgxdy.jpg

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[Intro] No more messing around this time (Intro/kinda long)
/u/Tonedpapergiraffe
Created: Sat Feb 4 15:52:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s3uzz/no_more_messing_around_this_time_introkinda_long/
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Hey y'all, long time lurker, decided to finally come out of the shadows in order to give myself some sort of place to unload. I'll come back to this and learn how to flair because I'm on mobile for the moment. I've been struggling with a long cycle of BED and restriction on and off since I was in middle school. I'm 25 now, ended an abusive relationship about a year ago and promptly lost 60 pounds and learned how to lift some weights!

I plateaued about 3 months ago, my current partner and I got kicked out of our old apartment and decided we needed a major life change so we made a big move to another state, now that I'm starting anew, I want to lose the last of the weight and I finally start feeling a little better about my body. When I restrict and have control of my diet I feel powerful and confident, and losing those first 60 pounds changed my life. People started noticing me, and on a good scale day I feel like I can take over the world. I'm 5'11 and at about 160 now, after gaining 5 pounds that I'm really kicking myself over.

I know relapsing to restricting is not the healthiest way, but this community is really sweet and supportive and I would love to find friends who can help keep me accountable, and a place I can rant where someone understands and goes through the same things. I'm anxious and stressed all the time with this move, but I'm so ready to take control again and really become who I want to be.

Any help, pms, and comments are appreciated, and good luck!!!

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[Intro] Another intro!
/u/icy271 [5'4.5"| 109.2 | 18.7 | 18F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 15:30:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s3pmx/another_intro/
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Ok so after lurking on this sub for way too long, I finally made a reddit account and then I was like, fuck it, I'm going to make an introduction, so this is it!

I'm an 18 year old from Canada in university right now, doing a computer science degree currently (but seriously considering switching to a math degree!). I think I developed a full-blown eating disorder last summer, but it's kind of been a long time coming, considering I've had 'diets' on and off where I ate <1000 calories since I was about 14. Without going into a lot of detail, at first it was just because I was insecure about my body and I wanted to lose weight, but then I got pretty addicted to it, and it became more of a way to control my life and cope with my anxiety (which I previously used self-harm to cope with, because I'm a train wreck of a human being).

Combine that with a decent dose of self-hatred, and my eating disorder today has sort of morphed into another method of self-harm/self-destruction for me, among other things. It's pretty weird - I don't starve to look good, although I do generally want to look good, but rather to look bad, or I guess sick is more accurate? Like, I don't want to die (well, not really) but I think that I want how I look to reflect how I feel, if that makes sense. Even when I feel ok and 'normal', for lack of a better term, I still can't eat normally - it's all or nothing for me.

So TLDR; I've really fucked up my relationship with food, and now here I am!
(also I have no idea how to flair this but it should be intro? edit: never mind I got it!)

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[Other] Scratched the back of my throat purging with my fake nails, that should stop me right?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 4 15:07:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s3jt2/scratched_the_back_of_my_throat_purging_with_my/
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[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Daily thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Feb 4 15:04:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s3j2u/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/6ad092ef84f8474f9da7986e8f7b7a4b?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=d059299368c80b0b41d56190c6c772b9

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[Rant/Rave] Ruining progress at the weekends
/u/l0seme [5'8" | CW 130 | BMI 19.55(new) 19.77(old) | -15 | GW 115 | 21F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 14:41:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s3d3t/ruining_progress_at_the_weekends/
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**SH TRIGGER WARNING?**

Just a mini rant really. I'm so frustrated because over the past couple of weeks I've averaged at 700kcal Mon-Fri and then ruined all my progress by having 2000+kcal on the weekends, so I've ended up just maintaining.

At least I haven't gained, but I don't know how I'm going to reach my GW of being under 130 by Valentines Day now :( And I feel so gross, I really want to break my 7 months + 1 day self-harm free streak. So so triggered :(

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[Discussion] Favorite zucchini noodle and cauliflower rice recipes?
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 13:51:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s30ma/favorite_zucchini_noodle_and_cauliflower_rice/
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I bought a whole Buch of zucchini and cauliflower because they were on sale. Id love to hear some of your favorite low-cal recipes!

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[Discussion] how many people start to make a post... and then delete it?
/u/nodamncatnodamncradl [5'10 | 140LB | 19.58 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 13:50:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s30bi/how_many_people_start_to_make_a_post_and_then/
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I must start typing a post but then change my mind once monthly, and start typing comments that I eventually never hit 'post' for weekly. So much of my life is ruled by being afraid of not being perfect. It's ridiculous but it feels unavoidable.

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[Help] Purging. Help?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 4 13:26:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s2uij/purging_help/
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[deleted]

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[Other] He can eat 20,500 calories in an hour but he's still skinnier than me -.-
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 24.03 | -68lbs | M]
Created: Sat Feb 4 12:35:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s2iex/he_can_eat_20500_calories_in_an_hour_but_hes/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOop2bLiSFw

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[Rant/Rave] Purging spicy food
/u/edub12345 [5'6 | 132 | 21.3| -13lbs | F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 12:24:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s2fzm/purging_spicy_food/
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For the love of God, don't do it.

Lunch today consisted of eggs with franks red hot. It progressed into a full on cookie dough binge, and when I purged I forgot I had the hot sauce. RIP my esophagus.

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[Thinspo] Quotes+Pictures [Thinspo No.1]
/u/lowfatlove [5'5" | 145 | 24.1 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 11:48:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s290n/quotespictures_thinspo_no1/
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http://imgur.com/a/iqZn3

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[Help] DAE just straight up not have friends?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 4 11:46:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s28lc/dae_just_straight_up_not_have_friends/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Protein shake suggestions....
/u/PetulantPunk [5'5 | ?? | UGW: 97 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 11:38:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s26y3/protein_shake_suggestions/
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So, I hate protein shakes. Hate hate hate them... I tried Vega and it was disgusting so now I am going to try the Quest brand protein powder.

Any suggestions on how to prepare the shake so it doesn't taste like ass? I see good recipes but a lot of them have peanut butter (I'm allergic) and I can't substitute for various nut butters because it is a texture issue for me.

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[Rant/Rave] (Intro I guess) Acknowledging some things
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 4 11:21:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s23lw/intro_i_guess_acknowledging_some_things/
---
[deleted]

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Getting back to the swing of things
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 09:47:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s1lhy/getting_back_to_the_swing_of_things/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Restriction: what's yours look like?
/u/amberinthewoods [5'2.5" | 120.4 | 22.36 | -50 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 08:49:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s1abj/restriction_whats_yours_look_like/
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I'm on mobile so I can't flair. I'm sorry!
I have noticed that "restriction" looks and sounds a lot different to everyone. I'm just curious, what does YOUR restriction look like? Does it change based on short term goals, or do you have hard and fast rules? Do you pair restricting with exercise, or focus only on lowering intake? Do you have any specific restriction guidelines I didn't mention?
I feel like the way I restrict is weird because I never change it ever. It stresses me out sometimes, like should I be changing it up? Should I be exercising more? Am I just lazy?

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[Rant/Rave] I can't exist in anything but extremes
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 101.6 | BMI:19.8 l GW 90| -42 l F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 08:37:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s17zm/i_cant_exist_in_anything_but_extremes/
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Gorge.STARVE.Gorge.STARVE.GORGE


It never fucking ends. There is no happy medium. Sure yeah I dropped weight fast there in the beginning. Now that I only have the last 16-14 lbs until my GW, things are slowing way down. Partly because I keep fucking sabotaging myself at every corner!

It never fails, I hit a new low and I binge. Go back up 2 lbs every weekend, then during the school week I sustain myself with less than 500 calories a day. Rinse. Repeat.

Over and over and over and over and

I am too much. I am not enough. I am chaos. I am people being concerned for me when I take lunch alone in my car with my black coffee. I am pushing new classmates away because they ask too many fucking questions about my diet and I'm starting to get *that look* from them. I am withdrawing in class because I am afraid some of them are onto me because I accidentally say shit that I forget could be seen as worrisome. I told someone the other day that food doesn't excite me when they asked why I eat the same lunch every day. They looked at me like I told them I kick puppies for a living.

I am getting high and eating my entire kitchen not because I'm hungry, because my stomach is so full I feel sick and I want to hurt. I deserve to hurt because look at how gluttonous I am. I am wasteful. I am disgusting. I eat entire boxes of cereal in one sitting so that it won't tempt me anymore. I am irrational of all things!!

I am pissed off that I fit in 00's when I am still so huge. Why are pant sizes getting bigger?? I have a size zero pant from about 5 years ago that doesn't go past my thighs so why the fuck should I be able to fit in a 00 pant from Express??? Who can I trust anymore since I can't trust my own eyes apparently?

I don't even know where I am going with this. There is just so much turmoil inside of me even though historically, this is the happiest I've ever been in my life otherwise. (something something, the worst of times, the best of times). Someone let me out. I need a break. I want to like myself as I am but how could I when there's nothing good about me?

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[Discussion] What is the feeling that empowers you to restrict?
/u/artgonaut [5'1 | 104.4 | 19.9 | +25 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 08:22:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s158r/what_is_the_feeling_that_empowers_you_to_restrict/
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I just realized that for me, it's not about having a sense of "control" or "power" over the food that makes restriction bearable. I don't see food as an entity. It's more about the feeling of the emptiness — after several hours of not having eaten anything, I feel lightheaded and kind of dizzy but at the same time I just feel *light.* Maybe even invincible. There's nothing weighing me down in every aspect of my physiological being when there is nothing in my stomach.

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[Discussion] How do you guys take a "maintenance" break without gaining getting into b/p cycle :(
/u/runnin-n-whey [5'4.5 | 116.8 | 19.92| -20 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 07:48:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s0ydn/how_do_you_guys_take_a_maintenance_break_without/
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I'm feeling so burnt out but so scared

I'm almost done training for a half marathon (4 weeks left) and I've been running about 60km a week including a 20km long run.

I'm not sure if it's because of this but my will power has just been poop lately: I'm always hungry / tired and the thought of restricting makes me anxious/angry?

I thought this race would help me lose weight but it's just making me gain and I can see my legs are getting really muscley which I hate.

I've come this far though so I just want to "maintain" for the next four weeks then start losing the excess weight right after but my eating habits have been so bad lately. I've been eating bread (which I never do) and even dairy despite the fact that I'm lactose intolerant... I want to get my control back but not restrict :'(

TL;DR Have any of you guys successfully taken a "maintenance" break with weight loss?! If so how did you do it without losing all control?

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How much do you lose during a 2 day fast? Is it worth it?
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 07:42:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s0xas/how_much_do_you_lose_during_a_2_day_fast_is_it/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] A few of my ED-related thoughts during my 3rd hospitalization last week
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 05:47:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s0d8x/a_few_of_my_edrelated_thoughts_during_my_3rd/
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I wasn't hospitalized for my ED; I was just in a general psychiatric hospital for my depression for the past week. You all are the only people I feel like will understand these. They're not really major issues. They're just annoying/frustrating things I need to vent about. So here we go, in no particular order.

* An obese nurse (who told me she was obese, btw) told me she thought I was "probably a little underweight" in a way where I could understand she wanted me to be concerned for myself, and then was incredulous when I told her I knew for a fact I wasn't underweight. *sigh.* I have a BMI of nearly 20. It's an understandable mistake, but like, it's just annoying when an overweight person calls you underweight in that way probably in part because being at a "healthy" BMI is so fucking uncommon that people think you're too skinny just if you aren't fat. Idk. It just bugged me.

* I didn't feel like I could talk about how obsessed I was with food because I was afraid they would try to keep me in the hospital longer (I was there against my will, and I kind of lied to get out) or send me to another facility specifically for ED treatment. I guess that would have been kind of valid, but I just felt pretty isolated and unheard and misunderstood a lot.

* Related to the above point, they wouldn't accommodate me almost at all with how I feel comfortable eating. I asked to eat in my room or at least eat alone, and they couldn't let me do that. The vast majority of their food options were really processed and unhealthy. Mid-way through my stay, they stopped allowing snacks outside of mealtimes, and then, when I got frustrated by being denied a snack after planning for that, a nurse blamed me for not choosing a "more nutritive" meal for my last meal. It made me so fucking mad. I chose something like white rice, fruit, and a salad or something when the other options were greasy and processed. She doesn't fucking know what nutritive *is*.

Gah, it feels so much better to get those out... I know they aren't major issues, but they just annoyed the shit out of me. You all understand, right? :s

---

[Rant/Rave] Anyone NOT motivated by aesthetics? [rant]
/u/Tiny_peach [5'3" | 90]
Created: Sat Feb 4 05:15:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s08t1/anyone_not_motivated_by_aesthetics_rant/
---
I feel very alone in this, and I would love to hear from anyone else who feels this way...I don't feel motivated by looking good in a certain outfit, or being sexier or cuter or how attractive anyone finds me. I mean, I sort of still care about those things but losing weight is not linked to them anymore. I don't even know if I want to lose weight exactly? Objectively I know I'm actually getting less attractive to others all the time. I think I feel most driven by a sense of disgust at my body, not because it's fat precisely but because it exists, takes up space, won't be controlled in its physical needs and emotional desires. I hate that I eat so much, that I eat at all.

And I used to be such a hedonist and aspiring aesthete - food, sex, art, fashion, words, tactile and mental discovery. But now I just want to be drab and dry and colorless; if I could somehow take a shower and scrub until I was a clean skeleton and shiny pinky-gray brain I would. Instead I'm the most disgusting bulimic who ever lived, constantly failing at austerity so burning the motherfucker down instead.

I don't know if I got this way because the ed got so bad, or if the ed got so bad because I became this way. But now I feel so lonely and boring and bored...and like a weirdo I guess, because I don't identify with most thinspo or have any thoughts that being thinner will make me happier. I just feel crazy, mostly, and like I don't know what I want or how to achieve it. I'm old af too, too old to think I'm a special snowflake or let angst take up so much space in my life so I meta-hate hating myself, too.

Idk. Anyone know what I mean?

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! February 04, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Feb 4 05:07:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s07rq/stupid_questions_saturday_february_04_2017/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for February 04, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 04, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Feb 4 05:07:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s07r7/daily_food_diary_february_04_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 04, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Thinspo] Give me your thinspo shows
/u/pungentthrowaway [5'1.5" large and in charge (of nothing)]
Created: Sat Feb 4 04:36:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s03r4/give_me_your_thinspo_shows/
---
So I want to make a list of shows with good thinspo and then meticulously go through each one and take still shots and make thinspo albums to share. I already have a small list of shows I made note of while watching but I'd like to have more on it.

I have a lot of free time due to being unemployed/somewhat disabled and watch a lot of tv anyway. I also just need any help I can get right now to **stay focused** because all I really want to do is comfort eat and I can't imagine feeling any worse than I do right now but it will happen somehow if I gain anymore weight.

So anyway, here's what I have so far:

Mildred Pierce (later in the series when evan rachel wood is in it)

Australia's next top model (american too I guess but the australian doesn't have tyra's preoccupation with different body shapes in fashion so it's a lot of rail thin models)

Stranger Things - Nancy (duh). I might just skip that one because it's probably been done.

My Daughter Anne Frank - Anne Frank (I'm probably terrible for this)

Flesh and Bone - Like half the ppl in that show tbh. This is what inspired me to do this whole thing in the first place. That show is GORGEOUS and dark as shit and full of tiny delicate ballerines T^T

Edit - Thanks for the responses everyone! Keep them coming!

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[Rant/Rave] i budget all my calories for dinner only to sit down and eat an entire pizza at once :)))))
/u/fruitygrimes [5'5 | CW 123 | BMI 20.47 | F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 04:22:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5s024o/i_budget_all_my_calories_for_dinner_only_to_sit/
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why am i like this!! i mean i didn't really have much of a say in having pizza for dinner because my parents cooked it for me, but i could have you know.... not have eaten the whole thing :/

it's like when i start eating food i turn into this mindless creature who will not, can not stop eating until my plate is empty. i hate it. its why i like making really small portions of food. because i know when my plate's empty i'll be able to take my "eat-everything-in-sight-who-cares" goggles off and decide i don't want a second serving of it.

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[Rant/Rave] I feel so ugly.
/u/siamesealmeidaa [height:5'6" | CW:120lbs | BMI:19.4 | weight lost:18lb | gender:F]
Created: Sat Feb 4 02:00:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rznvy/i_feel_so_ugly/
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I binged today, and I've gained weight/stalled despite restricting before tonight. My stomach hurts and I just feel so heavy. It's the worst feeling in the world. I'm so afraid of waking up and feeling heavy, I can't sleep. I can't tell anyone else, so I'm telling you.

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When people start noticing your weight loss/restriction
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 4 01:45:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rzmfj/when_people_start_noticing_your_weight/
---
Today I was confronted by my SO about not finishing my lunches he packs for me. I take it to work and eat about half of it and then bring the rest home. He first freaked the other day when he opened my backpack to put a new box of food in it and saw that I didn't eat much of the pork loin he packed for me the day before. Honestly, the pork loin was gross and I ate about half of it. Then today he was made bc I threw away his onion rice (I hate onions) and some bits and pieces of roast beef. I have to start throwing everything out at work now and bringing home clean boxes.

Why does he care what I do? He says he worries about me and he wasn't sure if I was trying to do some kind of diet. He was almost afraid to say the work diet to me bc he thought I'd flip out.

I told him not to worry about me. I said if I lose like 30 pounds then you can worry. If I gain like 15 then you can worry. Until then let me be me. I told him I do want to eat less calories, but on my terms and not with him hovering.

Of course we got into this mini argument right before I had to be at work... 😑

Has this happened to anyone else? Have people realized you're restricting/losing?? What did you say/do to get them off your back?

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[Discussion] purging and restricting
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Feb 4 01:29:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rzkxe/purging_and_restricting/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] What is your dating life like?
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105.2 | GW 95]
Created: Sat Feb 4 00:34:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rzf9j/what_is_your_dating_life_like/
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Today I made an online dating profile just out of curiosity, got some validation from swiping around, even flirted a bit...until the truth hit again "oh yeah, I have a mental illness. I can't do this"

It was nice playing pretend for a while that I could have a normal life but there's no way I could date and not get massive anxiety from all the food situations, body stuff, and lying that would have to go with it.

Sigh. The loneliness is the worst part.

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[Tip] Tips for fasting and motivation?
/u/DeusOff [5'7.5" | 118.8lb | 18.3 | -4lb | GW: 90lb | 19NB]
Created: Sat Feb 4 00:32:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rzf33/tips_for_fasting_and_motivation/
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[removed]

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[Intro] Fresh Start / Intro
/u/brxeai [5'7" | cw 122.5 | bmi 19.2 | -17 lbs]
Created: Fri Feb 3 22:28:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rz03k/fresh_start_intro/
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Long time lurker, first time poster, etc. I really hope I'm following the rules here. I'm still not quite sure how to flair/tag.

I'm a student & I've had an unhealthy relationship with food for as long as I can remember, from symptoms of BED to rampant EDNOS.
This is the first week I've ever sat down and decided how many calories I would have every day, after deciding to restrict again after protein deficiency wrecked my hair and skin. I surprised myself by following the schedule overall almost perfectly. That being said, that sort of organization really helped me feel better about stress over food in general. Hopefully at this rate I'll reach my GW in no time!

That being said, this seems like such a great community and I'm excited to participate more fully in it! c:

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Almost 30. I hate myself.
/u/soundandvision87
Created: Fri Feb 3 22:00:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ryw4r/almost_30_i_hate_myself/
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I'm almost 30. 5'5, 108 and dropping. Married. Professionally Successful. Normal on the outside, but anxiety ridden and miserable most days. I medicate with alcohol and restricting, but I don't even know what is wrong anymore. I just hate being alive and knowing that everyone I love will die. My husband began to struggle with depression with psychosis. He is in treatment, and totally under control, but it scared the living shit out of me and I don't know what the future holds.

I'm watching myself disappear and it is the only thing that makes me feel better. Oh, and I listen to old sad records.

Will this ever fucking end?

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WELLBUTRIN HERE I COME
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 147.2 | 22.1 | -3 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 3 20:09:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ryfqx/wellbutrin_here_i_come/
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{Can't flair on mobile bit a rave for sure}
So I've been on Prozac for like 4 years now and iv never experienced any of the side effects before UNTIL I got a boyfriend who I lost my virginity to. I love sex because it's so emotional but tmi I can't finish or get close man and I recently found out that's a side effect of Prozac. So I go to my doctors today and I told him and he was like "I'm going to put you on Wellbutrin and that should help" and I'm like YES FUCK YES IVE HEARD YALL ON HETE TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU GUYS LOST WEIGHT AND IM SO PUMPED TO LOSE WEIGHT AND HAVE ORGASMS FUCK YEAH

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[Goal] Binge foods out of the house, not eating until I hit my goal.
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 3 19:12:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ry67e/binge_foods_out_of_the_house_not_eating_until_i/
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I won't eat until 160 again. I'm fucking sick of being the fat pathetic friend. I hate it. I hate me. And all my friends do too so fuck it not like anyone will notice/care if I don't eat for a few days.

On mobile can't flare.

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[Discussion] food fixation & feeling manic about food
/u/wittywaif [5'6" | whale | -90 | f]
Created: Fri Feb 3 18:53:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ry36b/food_fixation_feeling_manic_about_food/
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today i opened a box of frozen falafels to prep for tomorrow and the smell wasn’t all that appetizing but i continued my business and put them away in the fridge. 2 hours later i found myself in a trance like state nibbling a frozen falafel, putting one in the microwave and eating the whole thing. it was fucking delicious but also tiny for the number of calories and piss poor macros. in a fit of fear and straight up witchcraft i threw the bloody box away down the apartment garbage chute and stared at the remaining few i had planned on eating tomorrow. by some stroke of magic i decided to cover the remaining defrosted falafel with dish soap and throw them in the kitchen trash.

does anyone else deal with this shit? i feel like i am slowly losing my mind being so irrational about food and finicky about what does and doesn’t feel safe. i have thrown out food before but today was animalistic panic like i have never experienced, it felt like i had a bomb in my freezer and i needed to get rid of it *NOW.*

another weird thing i did today was i stared at packets of biscuits for 15 mins and even calculated the calories for eating the entire packet before leaving without buying anything.i then went to another store only to carry around a small bag of jelly beans around a store with me for a solid 20 mins before i left them on a shelf and went home.

* does anyone else get mesmerized by food?

* does anyone else irrationally throw things away?

* does anyone else ever feel like you can’t breathe / rest easy until a particular food has left your living space?

fuck, right now i barely have things under control living away at school with a roommate, but i am terrified when i move back home for the summer it is just going to be a summer long binge fest. i don’t think i could cope without the ability to throw things away because my family will definitely notice.

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[Tip] Tip: If you count calories set your daily goal to your BMR
/u/anadrogyne [173 cm | 52.4kg | 17.5 | -2.5kg| F]
Created: Fri Feb 3 18:15:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rxwpo/tip_if_you_count_calories_set_your_daily_goal_to/
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Probably most of you do this already, but me being slow, just figured this out. I used to set my limit to whatever I considered *safe*, only to end up binging if I accidentally went a couple of calories over (logic). Now that my calorie goal is my BMR I am much more motivated to restrict, because the app I use (LoseIt) shows how many calories you are under your limit on a weekly basis. By doing this I know exactly how much I'm losing as 3500 = 1lb, so I am happy knowing the deficit and it is rewarding in a way. I'd rather be 200 cals closer to losing a pound than 'treating' myself with a 200 calorie snack because i've been 'good' for so long. The only treat for me now, is losing weight.

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[Rant/Rave] Binging on safe foods is always better than binging on crap -_-
/u/cannibale101 [5'4" | Not happy with this anymore]
Created: Fri Feb 3 17:49:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rxryw/binging_on_safe_foods_is_always_better_than/
---
[removed]

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You know you're disordered when....
/u/midnightboke [170cm | CW67kg | GW50kg | -28kg | 28F]
Created: Fri Feb 3 17:49:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rxryk/you_know_youre_disordered_when/
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Throwaway because my main account is linked to professional stuff. Long-time lurker, struggled with weight issues and disordered eating for a long time...and I am in awe of the support and care that is exhibited on this sub.

So anyway. I have a stinking cold. Runny nose, sore head, feeling shite, the whole deal. I have eaten like shit the past two days because I'm sick so fuck it - normally I do 20:4 IF and only eat an evening meal. Not today - at work I ate a shit-ton of curry and sweets and whatever else I could find when I got home. I went to bed depressed and anxious because I've ruined whatever progress I've made this week.

Until - woke up at 2330 and vomited a LOT. I think it's part of the cold/flu I currently have. I am utterly phobic about vomiting and have never ever purged or attempted to, but I'm sitting here now feeling so happy that I have gotten out some of the crap I've eaten today. I'm still shaky and upset from having vomited at all, and I can't believe that I'm even *slightly* pleased about this. Shit's fucked.

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[Help] how can I lose water weight overnight
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 3 17:29:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rxofl/how_can_i_lose_water_weight_overnight/
---
[deleted]

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Best vitamins?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 3 17:22:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rxn1d/best_vitamins/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] :(
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Fri Feb 3 16:52:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rxhi2/_/
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How is it possible that ive lost eleven pounds and I'm not even considered overweight by actual like fucking medical standards but I somehow still look obese? This is depressing. I'm huge and I'll always be.

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Restrict or Fast: What's "Better"?
/u/kuuiyneko
Created: Fri Feb 3 15:49:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rx5ef/restrict_or_fast_whats_better/
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[removed]

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[Other] Does skin tighten on people who "just have 20 pounds to lose?"
/u/depressionbunny [5'6" | 138 | 22.6 | -12 | FM]
Created: Fri Feb 3 15:44:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rx4ge/does_skin_tighten_on_people_who_just_have_20/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] On day 3 of my fast to get back into the underweight range, feeling good :) 5 pounds to go!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 3 14:49:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rwtcl/on_day_3_of_my_fast_to_get_back_into_the/
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http://imgur.com/a/U81yj

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[Other] My roommate is really nice and brought home Timbits for everyone...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 3 13:00:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rw6dg/my_roommate_is_really_nice_and_brought_home/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Does anyone have a recipe for a meal that could be somewhat safe but also be scaled up to normal?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 3 12:33:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rw05x/does_anyone_have_a_recipe_for_a_meal_that_could/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Does less hunger mean a slower metabolism?
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Fri Feb 3 12:00:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rvszl/does_less_hunger_mean_a_slower_metabolism/
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I have switched over to very high protein/no sugar/lowish carb (20-50g from veggies and a quest bar) and I have been eating consistently 100-200 under my goal just because I haven't been hungry when usually this length/level of restriction makes me weak and ravenous and likely to binge. I'm scared it means my metabolism is slowing down though?? I've always heard this. Is this a thing??

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[Help] hungry :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 3 11:51:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rvr28/hungry/
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i'm so hungry today. and i just figure writing it here is better than stuffing my face.

i'm still overweight and huge compared to everyone here but i have lost over 10 pounds in about 2 weeks due to heavy restriction and i truly haven't been hungry.

as part of my treatment plan -- ECstack is OFF the table. so are laxatives. as much as i waiver on recovery, my relationship with my dbt therapist is really important to me, more so than 'sticking to my values'

i've been drinking caffeine and water.

help? :(

this makes me want to die. i feel like a whale and a failure.


edit: i came into work and ate a handful of cheezits and two bite sized unwrapped butterfinger cup things.
then i had a 50cal greek yogurt.

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[Rant/Rave] Lighter and more anxious
/u/Taiz_eyes
Created: Fri Feb 3 11:12:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rviek/lighter_and_more_anxious/
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So I lost 13 pounds. Yay.

I lost it since I weighed myself in early January and it's mostly been through restricting. I still am not looking or feeling the way I want but unfortunately boyfriend decided today we are going to get greasy burgers and I have no way out of it.
I decided I was going to get the most lo-cal (l o l) thing on the menu which is 380 calories but I know I am going to purge it as soon as I'm able to and now I'm stressed for the rest of the day.

Do any of you guys get stressed over future foods?

This is literally causing me to lose my mind. Over a damn burger that fatter me would have loved. And what if I'm offered fries? I gotta purge all that heavy shit because I have No idea how to behave like a functioning human being.

Just a rant. On mobile so I cannot flair sorry mods.

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[Other] I think I'm being a little TOO obvious with my library book choices
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 3 11:02:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rvgfi/i_think_im_being_a_little_too_obvious_with_my/
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http://imgur.com/gallery/SEuN6ef

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[Rant/Rave] Sex is utterly impossible
/u/nymphohhh [5'3 | 115 | -15 | f]
Created: Fri Feb 3 10:39:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rvbck/sex_is_utterly_impossible/
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I've been apart of this community a long time now, but I just had to make a new account because an ex found my old one. That was fun. But onto the point....

I'm recently single. Whatever, it's fine - my problem as of lately has been the fact that I love sex but cannot, for the LIFE of me, figure out how the hell I'm going to have it.

There's this guy that I'm dying to hook up with, but I don't have the comfort of a year-long relationship to justify getting with him naked. I hate my body. When my possible hookup and I text, and he talks about me naked and all that, I cringe. I don't think I've ever fucked completely naked *with* the lights on.

Body dismorphia is a bitch.

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[Discussion] What happened when you fainted at work?
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|104|18.9|F]
Created: Fri Feb 3 10:13:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rv5hh/what_happened_when_you_fainted_at_work/
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Did they make you go to the hospital? Did they wait for you to feel better and then decide what's next? What did you say to them? What did they say to you?

I feel like I might pass out and I can't afford a hospital visit right now at all and that's not how I want to spend my Friday. I'd like to hear your experiences before I start giving myself even more anxiety lol

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[Rant/Rave] I feel so conflicted...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 3 10:04:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rv3kg/i_feel_so_conflicted/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] In a really bad place right now :(
/u/psbird [65 in | 116.4 lbs | 19.60 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 3 09:50:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rv0d0/in_a_really_bad_place_right_now/
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And that place is called the hospital!

Not for me, for my fiance. He is septic and they literally just rolled him away for surgery. I've been sleeping on the couch in his hospital room for the past three nights. Best case scenario, he will be here for about another two or three weeks.

Everything is falling apart and I cannot cope with it. Almost everything that could go wrong so far has. He already had cancer once, and there's a possibility that it might be back. The good news is that he doesn't have his DNR with him here, but the bad news is that he already talked to the nurse about it because he actually does have one.

I always knew that we probably wouldn't have a super long life together and that I will probably have to be the one to make the decision to pull the plug for him, but this is just too soon, he was getting better, and now everything has turned to shit.

The only thing I have control of is my body and I've only eaten ~300 cal each day for the past three days. It's hard enough living at the hospital with all the stress and I feel like I don't exist because I'm not the one in the hospital bed. If anything bad happens to my fiance, I'll just continue to waste away and eventually I'll just get taken away from everything and I won't have to deal with how shitty everything is.

I know I'm the worst girlfriend ever but I'm so tired of having to take care of him all the time because he is constantly sick and I have to spend all my energy on him, and nobody ever notices or cares about me because i'm not as sick as he is. Sometimes he doesn't even believe that I'm in pain and I can't eat because he's had so much worse. Just because I don't have a high tolerance to pain medication and 800 mg of motrin can solve a lot doesn't mean that it hurts me any less that it hurts anyone else. I'm just tired of being alone in this fight.

Edit- The surgeon said that it would take about an hour. It's bee four hours since they took him and he's still not back yet 😓😓😭🔫

Edit 2- He's back, the surgery went better than expected and they didn't even have to remove his femoral vein! Also the Dr said that nothing looked enlarged so hopefully cancer III: the revenge of the cancer hasn't begun.

Thanks for the support, getting this off my chest really made me feel a ton better. I was having a bit of a crying breakdown when they wheeled him away.

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In a really bad place right now :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 3 09:32:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ruwbt/in_a_really_bad_place_right_now/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Help with a friend
/u/just__wondering__ [5'1 | 157 |29.66 | -30lbs | Female]
Created: Fri Feb 3 09:09:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rur9h/help_with_a_friend/
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So this is going to sound really weird, but I need help with helping my friend maintain in any sense of the word.

She has serious atypical anoerxia nervosa, that has allowed to her rapidly drop from an unhealthily high weight to a healthy BMI. The problem is that this is really really damaging her body, and while she's making efforts to improve, there are many frequent periods where one step forward becomes two steps back.

**During anorexic periods, what can I do to help her feel better?**

I'm not asking for help on stopping her behavior-- that's completely her choice. I'm just asking if there's anything I can do to support her when she only eats 200 calories a day (if that), and tries to feint on me when we're out and about.

Do you guys have any tips on what I can do to support her while she's deailng with this? Not to try to cure her, but just warning signs that ya'll know to look out for or activities I should avoid on the harder days. We live on a very large college campus (I get 20,000 steps a day in easily), so avoiding physical activity really isn't possible.

**Again, I am not asking about recovery tips; I'm asking about help supporting her while she has ED.**

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[Help] Should I be worried? Help!
/u/dances-with-cats
Created: Fri Feb 3 08:35:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ruk39/should_i_be_worried_help/
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My period has completely stopped. And my hair is falling out like crazy. Should I be concerned? I'm thinking of going to the doctor and just begging for help.

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[Rant/Rave] One Week
/u/skinnywishes11 [5'6 | 120 | 19.4 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 3 08:28:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ruile/one_week/
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I have been eating less than 400 calories a day for a week. I lost 4.4 pounds and I am so, so happy about it.

Last night, I go out with friends. I drink three beers. I GAINED THREE POUNDS BACK.

UGH

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[Rant/Rave] Not gonna eat until Thursday.
/u/electille [5'7 | 123 | 19.2 | ?]
Created: Fri Feb 3 08:03:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rudsn/not_gonna_eat_until_thursday/
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[removed]

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[Other] A poem made from excerpts of yesterday's trollabot 'fun facts' (warning: we are a depressing lot)
/u/notthinohno [161cm |Too Much | A Big Number | - Not Enough lbs | F]
Created: Fri Feb 3 07:59:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rucuf/a_poem_made_from_excerpts_of_yesterdays_trollabot/
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I am obsessed with the way the body

I've been dreaming about for ages

I am in some way dying to try



I found myself spiralling

I've been told wow, you look great

And I can't really bring myself to care




I've had countless dreams about escaping

I can feel it coming and there's a sense of fear

I know that's not possible


I'm stuck.

I am always here.

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) maybe I can be normal
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 3 07:33:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ru82e/rant_maybe_i_can_be_normal/
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Maybe I can be normal, and eat healthy, and work out normal.
And maybe now that I have a gym membership I can not weigh myself every morning 3 times.
And I can stop eating less than 900 calories.
And I can not spend everyday on loser town calculating how fast I'd get there if I just didn't eat.
Maybe I can be normal and not hate myself, and want to be a healthy me instead of a tiny me.
Maybe I can just eat one cookie. Maybe I can enjoy ice cream with whipped cream.
Maybe I won't assume it's because I'm too fat that my boyfriend doesn't want to have sex that night since he's worked all day.
Maybe I can go out to eat with friends and laugh.
Maybe I won't have to be sick enough and I can just be normal.

But then again. Maybe I'm not normal... Whatever normal is. And if I was, I wouldn't be reading every post on here to feel less lonely and looking for validation.
Maybe I'm not meant to be normal yet. Maybe I need more time being not normal. Maybe I don't deserve to be normal ever, and instead will cause pain to myself and my love ones who know.

I don't know. I hoped I wouldn't be reaching the 10 year mark in May. I hoped I'd be in college, meet a boy, and be happy with myself. Sometimes the good thoughts happen. The "okay now that I have a gym membership I won't weigh myself for a month just to see". The "maybe I'll just go based on how I feel/look/ the fit of my clothes". I've tried justifying the wanting to be vegan because the PETA commercials make me cry. I've tried justifying not eating all day because I'm just so busy with school.

But we all know the truth or we wouldn't be here.
If you've read all of this you're a brave soul. Thank you for listening to the rambles of a not normal.

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[Other] Going to get help
/u/coffeecoffeecoffee90 [5'5" | CW: 128 | GW: 120 | -31 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 3 07:12:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ru4g2/going_to_get_help/
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Hey all. You don't have to read this but I feel like I need to get it off my chest. My husband has been trying to convince me to see someone for a few months now. I think I'm finally ready.

I don't remember the last time I went to a restaurant and ordered what sounds good instead of what might have the least amount of calories. Or eaten a normal day's worth of food and not wanted to fast the next day. Or mentally calculated someone else's calories while out to dinner (that one's fucked up I know).

I've been thinking about quitting my workouts so I can lose my muscle and be thinner. I'll never get to the body type I want unless I lose muscle and that's a scary realization. I'm also more and more unhappy with my life and I know I have no reason to be. But I have so many days where I'm just unhappy with everything and the only thing that keeps me from breaking down is focusing on not eating. I have a husband whom I love very very much and I have a well-paying job (which admittedly might be the cause of some of these feelings) and I'm in school and will be starting my masters degree in the fall. I have parents who love me and friends who are 100% supportive.

I'm pretty sure my disordered eating is a symptom of something else. I know I have ADD and haven't been on meds since I was a teenager, but it kinda clicked when someone posted that study the other day and how it's linked to impulse control. I'm terrified of gaining and getting back to where I was but I so badly just want to live a normal life around food. I want to be able to have some ice cream or chocolate without wanting to eat the whole thing. I've been a secret binge eater for a lot of my life and never realized it, waiting until my parents would leave for work and eating and eating. I thought that losing weight kept me out of slipping into depression last spring but now I'm not so sure. I don't know if these are normal feelings that every one has because I'm too embarrassed to talk about it with anyone I know.

I don't know if this post even belongs in this subreddit because I know there are recovery based ones but I feel like I'm split in two right now and don't know where I belong. Recovery is a scary thing to think about but I just want to feel happy and I feel like a masochist for continuing self-destructive behavior when I know it's only making things worse.

If you read this whole thing you deserve a medal <3

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! February 03, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Feb 3 05:10:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rtkz1/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
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This is the weekly picture thread for February 03, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

**Rules**

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host.

Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, inspiration behind your OOTD (trying to look thin or cover up weightloss, etc.)!

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 03, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Feb 3 05:10:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rtkyk/daily_food_diary_february_03_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for February 03, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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Fasting buddy!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 3 04:45:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rthd2/fasting_buddy/
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[removed]

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More and more bones showing.
/u/kuuiyneko
Created: Fri Feb 3 02:29:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rsz9f/more_and_more_bones_showing/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/91903e4d9789414fac3c714c86f30738?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=bd851287f270df93223b35ab61eeb836

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Do your pets have ED behaviours?
/u/vegemiteandcheesecat
Created: Fri Feb 3 01:45:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rstz2/do_your_pets_have_ed_behaviours/
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[removed]

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[Tip] Book I recently started.
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Fri Feb 3 00:50:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rsnpz/book_i_recently_started/
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I recently started *The Ministry of Thin* by Emma Woolf.

Such a fascinating book. Highly recommend.

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[Help] Just started purging, looking for advice about safety.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Feb 3 00:24:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rsksn/just_started_purging_looking_for_advice_about/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm at such a weird place right now(rambly thing)
/u/Isitthisagain
Created: Thu Feb 2 22:15:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rs389/im_at_such_a_weird_place_right_nowrambly_thing/
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I lost the 9 pounds I regained during a binge phase and lately I've been 'maintaining' not really on purpose but because I'm always around someone whose training to be a chef and food is constantly around me, Great food. Not not to mention I'm actually happy right now.

But it's not 'normal' eating at all, I'm still fasting during the day to excuse eating at supper. I've still had a few days under 1000, I'm still anxious around certain food, Still hate myself a lot.

But I'm kind of okay with where I am now weight-wise, I can live with myself right now. And my new boyfriend(lovehim) is really supportive, I can't show him my anxious, angry restriction side, Not yet.

But I feel like a goddamn failure because I've never been below this weight and I'm really not motivated at the moment to go any lower. I feel like I should, I feel like I shouldn't be happy.


I wish I could just eat my brioche and Pâté in peace(Seriously how is his Pâté so good?!) and be happy someone loves me. But instead I'm sitting here wondering why I'm still not good enough for someone to like me. *sigh*

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[Rant/Rave] My flair is lying now and I hate it
/u/AmberMoonstone [5' 5.5'' | 128.4 | 21]
Created: Thu Feb 2 21:38:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rrxcs/my_flair_is_lying_now_and_i_hate_it/
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I can't bear to change it. I have been through some stuff and I have been stress eating. Things are starting to settle down, and I can feel the urges to start restricting super heavy coming back. I still have a fair amount of Bronkaid, caffeine pills. It's like *I could just start doing this again and not be disgusting.*

Ugh.

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[Help] I'm afraid I might have BED...
/u/xxx07v
Created: Thu Feb 2 21:33:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rrwmg/im_afraid_i_might_have_bed/
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On mobile now will flair later but I just binged on cookies and chocolate in the morning and I calculated it...it's almost 1,400 calories altogether...before that I was still trying to recover from some bloating and gas and now I've just ruined it...I'm definitely gonna ruined all my progress at this rate and all I want to do is to get all this gross food out of my stomach but it's all already stuck inside:( what am I gonna do about the bloat for the next few days and any tips for damage control after consuming high levels of sugar and sodium? Has anyone tried eating cinnamon powder? Does it work??

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[Rant/Rave] Finally accessed a scale
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 2 21:27:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rrvmp/finally_accessed_a_scale/
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[deleted]

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This is desperation... my scale battery died and I didn't have the proper screwdriver to open the back... so I tore it open..
/u/totalbabes [5'0 | CW: 92 lbs | BMI 18.0 | Weight Lost: 24 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 20:58:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rrqwr/this_is_desperation_my_scale_battery_died_and_i/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/2739e1da41314e7bb7f80dd04ae7c11f?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=f23eda66814374e4939fe34b1f819ef1

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[Rant/Rave] very very drunk and very very hungry
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 2 20:52:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rrpy9/very_very_drunk_and_very_very_hungry/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Lbs vs kg
/u/vulpixies [5'4" | CW 123 | GW 110 | 23F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 18:46:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rr3je/lbs_vs_kg/
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I have to keep reminding myself about the conversation rate for lbs to kgs, I see everyone here dropping weight so continuously and I feel bad that I cant drop that quickly. I'm torn between keeping my scales in kgs and using you guys as my motivation, or buying a new scale in lbs to feel like I'm dropping quicker and have that as motivation. What do you find motivates you more?

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[Goal] How long until I lose?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 2 18:28:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rr077/how_long_until_i_lose/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] best feeling ever
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 146.1 | 21.1 | GW1 149 | GW2 145]
Created: Thu Feb 2 17:39:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rqqkr/best_feeling_ever/
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random thought but I figured id share. the best feeling for me is the next morning following a low calorie day is feeling noticeably thinner while still laying in bed. I figure out every day if I should weigh by my hip bones. if they feel more prominent, I am less reluctant to get on the scale. anyone else?

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[Rant/Rave] Stop eating then I guess!
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 17:38:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rqqjm/stop_eating_then_i_guess/
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-- my darling boyfriend's exasperated advice to me after I whined just now about how I'm never going to be skinny. Well alrighty then.

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[Goal] fuck my impulses; I'M in control now
/u/wrygood [6'2" | 185lbs | M]
Created: Thu Feb 2 17:24:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rqnoq/fuck_my_impulses_im_in_control_now/
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This marks the third consecutive day in *months* that I've stuck to a proper calorie intake. It can be done; I've done it before, I'll do it again.

I'm in control.

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[Discussion] Does anyone have the Fitbit Aria Scale?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 2 16:25:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rqba1/does_anyone_have_the_fitbit_aria_scale/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] first successful fast/EC stack
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 2 16:16:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rq9c0/first_successful_fastec_stack/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Has anyone's ED evolved from one end of the spectrum(?) to the other and stayed there?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 15:21:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rpxpb/has_anyones_ed_evolved_from_one_end_of_the/
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I used to 100% restrict very heavily and the idea of food and binging terrified me. I was at my lowest weight then. Now about 10 years later I'm at a higher weight but can't seem to plain restrict without losing control. I feel horrible. I want to get back to the old me that was afraid of every bite. I'm scared of what this pattern of b/p will do long term.. anyone have advice on how to get rid of binges/has your ED evolved and if so how?

P.s. On a side note I have PCOS and am on Metformin which is supposed to help with insulin and blood sugar, but I feel like maybe it's making me hungrier when I restrict? If anyone else is on metformin and has input I'd appreciate it. Hope you're all having a better day than me. I don't feel like I deserve to be in the sub :(

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[Discussion] DAE find overweight girls cute?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 2 15:16:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rpwh9/dae_find_overweight_girls_cute/
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[deleted]

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[Help] 2 hours to go (-_-)
/u/MariaCaterina
Created: Thu Feb 2 15:14:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rpw0j/2_hours_to_go/
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(My first post here, hope everything is up to snuff...)

I'm at work, and having a weak moment in my liquid fast. I can go all day sticking to the rules of the fast (hell, without even thinking about eating) but as soon as that clock strikes five, my willpower takes a huge hit.

If I can just make it for another two hours, then I'll be safe, but I'm in a dangerous place rn. Any suggestions for distraction, or words of motivation or advice would be appreciated.

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[Discussion] I love that the scale goes down every day
/u/forgetyoumusteat
Created: Thu Feb 2 14:54:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rprnc/i_love_that_the_scale_goes_down_every_day/
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Towards the end of last year I gained 15+ lbs, within a month. (Bad depression). I have never gained weight since I was growing as a child. The horrible thing was that I felt more numb than disgusted. Then the disgust kicked in this month. I feel so sad thinking me 5 months ago was restricting and fasting, only a few lbs from a weight that I'd be pretty happy with right now.

So I've been eating at a deficit of 1400 calories per day, which means a kilo lost in 5 days, and it's been working. and it feels nice for my body to be somewhat empty of the last few day's food, since little was eaten.

Restricting is so much easier when you do the math, because each day feels worth it-- going to bed knowing I lost 200g today.

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[Intro] New to this sub and this site (Intro)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 2 13:50:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rpdnp/new_to_this_sub_and_this_site_intro/
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*Intro post - learning how to flair/tag

Hi! As the title suggests, I am a newbie here. I also just recently made a reddit account, and I do need some forgiveness when it comes to formatting and such. For example, I do not know how to flair/tag(?) this post.

I am 19 years old, I live with my boyfriend and work as a waitress. My highest weight was around 150lb, but I am unsure of what it was exactly as I was in residential. I went to the hospital 3-4 years ago, give or take, for extensive self harm. While I was there for two years, developed (all self diagnosed, I hid very well) bulimia. When I left the hospital I opted for restriction instead and reached my lowest weight of 98lb (5'5"). I have bounced around since then, staying at 103lb for a few months and am now 110. I started B/Ping again recently as I have been struggling to find an emotional release from my dissociation. My ED(?) has fully taken over my self harm's domain, so to speak. I have been looking for new communities as the ones I usually subscribe to have been over taken by general unwelcome.
I look forward to integrating into your community :3

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[Discussion] Does fasting make you cold?
/u/EmpireStateBitch [5'4" | CW 120 | GW 115 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 13:39:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rpazw/does_fasting_make_you_cold/
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I'm on a fast, but for some reason whenever I hit about 24 hours I get FREEZING. I'm sitting here in two sweatshirts and faux fur leopard coat and my pajamas because I'm just SO COLD.

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[Other] Different types of b/p
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 13:27:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rp8dp/different_types_of_bp/
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There have been a bunch of times where I have eaten too much and I end up purging because it just feels better but for the most part I haven't intentionally overeaten in a few years.

I've been restricting like crazy lately and last night I just lost it. I went to McDonald's and bought $18 worth of food, just for me. Long story short, I purposely planned a b/p session and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

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[Rant/Rave] It's all just temporary..
/u/10ththrowawayorso
Created: Thu Feb 2 12:20:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rotqh/its_all_just_temporary/
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Like I feel shitty and I need a thing to cope, binging would be my first instinct (actually gained about 6 kg in a few months and am almost at a normal weight again), but I realised it's only helping until the food is gone. Cutting is what I think of next, but the relief is short and the negatives are not, so I can't. Booze only lasts a night and can only leave you with a really nasty addiction.

So I guess I'm back to restricting, this time so I can cope, because being skinny can last and isn't gone as soon as I wake up from my escape.

Wish me luck, I just don't know what to do with the feelings that came with gaining the weight back. I can finally love and lust again, but every medal has a backside, I can also feel pain again and it sucks. :(

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[Discussion] Wallpapers?
/u/h1217579
Created: Thu Feb 2 11:59:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5roozi/wallpapers/
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Just curious... what do you guys use as wallpaper for phone and laptop? I just recently switched to a thinspo wallpaper on my phone, hoping it would help me stay on track

Edit: sorry on my phone, can't flair...

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[Other] anxious, but hopeful
/u/lordjoji [5'3" | CW: 103.6 | 18.86 | CGW: 100 | UGW: 96 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 11:51:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ron5e/anxious_but_hopeful/
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(not sure what to flair this as, sorry mods)


in 9 minutes i will see a new therapist, one who i will try to be completely honest with about my ED. i'm so scared to tell her what's going on (mainly because i'm not so sure i want to recover yet) but i'm hoping that she'll be understanding and easy to talk to. i'll let y'all know how it goes :/. wish me luck!

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This is desperation
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 2 11:46:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rolwr/this_is_desperation/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/e11cbcf001f949668a714c7082c70bec?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=31c673405daea9b20b992f76cfd1b347

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[Discussion] When's the last time you fasted?
/u/diet247x [5'3 | BMI: 23.0 | -20 lbs | GW: 90 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 11:20:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rofzc/whens_the_last_time_you_fasted/
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And how did it go? I'm thinking about starting a three day fast but I haven't fasted in forever (like literally 5 years), and was wondering how your guys' fasting experiences have been.

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[Rant/Rave] Eating between 700-800 is such anxiety fuel
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 108lb | UGW 98lb |F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 10:57:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5roaxa/eating_between_700800_is_such_anxiety_fuel/
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Since this monday I made the goal to up my calories to 700-800 everyday for a whole week, to attempt at damage control given how my body is really starting to get hit hard by this prolongued high restriction I've been doing for months.

I've been doing good so far but boy, the anxiety is really going to eat me alive (oh my the irony) it's become such a rule that any day that reaches 700+ is a failure and I'm a disgusting failure, so doing this sad attempt is sure a real struggle, I feel like since monday I've just been getting fatter even when I know it's just in my head ugh ;_;

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[Discussion] DAE get randomly nauseous?
/u/Ms_IreneAdler
Created: Thu Feb 2 10:17:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ro209/dae_get_randomly_nauseous/
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First off, Im definitely not pregnant. Anyways Ive been restricting pretty consistently for the past few weeks. I havent been counting but Im guessing an avg of 600 cals per day. In the past week or so, Ive been getting nauseous for maybe a minute or so then it goes away. It's usually a while without food. But Ive fasted before for much longer and never had nausea?

And another thing, I always eat before my classes so my stomach doesnt make noises. 99% of the time I go for 1/2 a cliff bar. But lately it's been difficult to get it down. I have to take really small bites and wash it down with water to stop from gagging. It's been like this for over a week so Im positive it's not a stomach virus.. Anyone experienced this from restricting?

Also sorry for no flair - Im on mobile! :(

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[Help] ate under 800 calories last 3 weeks - gained 4 pounds
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 09:52:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rnw4d/ate_under_800_calories_last_3_weeks_gained_4/
---
This is water weight right?? I gained this over night and I feel like all my hard work is ruined.

I've been starving myself for THREE WEEKS. I kinda want to just give up.. Someone help me have strength. :(

---

[Thinspo] Lori Grimes from TWD is amazing thinspo
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 24.03 | -68lbs | M]
Created: Thu Feb 2 09:43:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rnu19/lori_grimes_from_twd_is_amazing_thinspo/
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In every scene she's wearing shirts exposing her sharp collar bones and her pants hang so loose around her legs despite being the appropriate size. She's so tall and slim. I highly recommend watching this show just for her, plus it's just an extremely good show.

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[Other] I wanted to try /u/trollabot for my ED account, so thought i'd do it here
/u/notthinohno [161cm |Too Much | A Big Number | - Not Enough lbs | F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 07:41:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rn4a0/i_wanted_to_try_utrollabot_for_my_ed_account_so/
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I'm expecting my most used words to be something along the lines of weight/calories/eat. We shall see....

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[Tip] Carrot--New Calorie Counting App
/u/YourChinaDoll [5'1" | SW: 169 | CW: 120.8 |F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 07:03:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rmx23/carrotnew_calorie_counting_app/
---
Hi everyone! This morning I was looking at new calorie counting apps (I tend to download a new one every time I feel I need a fresh start) and I saw one I've never seen before. It's called Carrot, and so far I love it. It called me "Meatbag" and there's an option where if you go over your calorie limit for the day, it'll send out a tweet publicly shaming you. I thought that people might find it useful like I did! Anyway, thanks for reading and have a great day! 

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support February 02, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Feb 2 05:07:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rmdiv/weekly_emotional_support_february_02_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 02, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Feb 2 05:06:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rmdi4/daily_food_diary_february_02_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 02, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Gained 10 pounds?!?
/u/NaejNire [5'9 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 04:05:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rm51c/gained_10_pounds/
---
So in order to graduate with my degree in education, I must complete one semester of student teaching. It has been okay, minus one thing...

Lunch.

So I'm someone who goes all or nothing with food. I can't eat a normal meal without it encouraging a binge. I either don't eat, or eat it all. But here at school, I'm forced to eat lunch. All the other teachers question me and offer to buy me food when I have tried not to eat and it isn't really an option to not have food.

So after trying to eat normally, each day after work, I frantically drive to the store to find more food to binge on. It has happened nearly every day since I've began student teaching and according to my scale, I've put on TEN POUNDS. 10! I couldn't believe it... that number is sickening...

What am I supposed to do?! I can't eat lunch, it only pushes me to binge once I'm alone. I can't do this, I can't keep gaining weight..

Please help

---

[Rant/Rave] Why am I so useless?
/u/ScottishWhale [5'2 | 180lbs | 32.9 | -13lbs | GW 115lbs]
Created: Thu Feb 2 02:31:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rlu5j/why_am_i_so_useless/
---
Hey everyone, I've been lurking on here for about a month now. I'm my totally sure I belong here, I definitely have issues with food, but nothing diagnosed. But I can't help but come back and see the support everyone gives. Sorry this will probably be rambling :(

I weigh myself every Wednesday and yesterday, despite trying so hard, I'd gained 1/2 a pound. I just don't understand :( as soon as I saw the scales in early burst into tears. The only reason I didn't was because my flat mate would have heard me. I tried so hard this week, restricted way below my TDEE, didn't binge and went to the gym four times. I just feel like no matter how hard I try I won't be good enough, that I'll be an obese whale forever.

Trying to be even more determined for next week but I just know I'm going to binge and ruin it for myself :( I can't do this :(

Edit: forgot to say I'm on my mobile and can't flair

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[Rant/Rave] Weighing Scales Rant
/u/ResurrectionOfMarion
Created: Thu Feb 2 01:49:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rlpma/weighing_scales_rant/
---
Is there ANYTHING more annoying than waking up the day after a week long fast, go into your shared bathroom to weigh and notice your sister has had a big bath and splashed all over the floor and the scales are soaking wet... So you dry them and hope for the best however, they are completely fucked. Have to break my fast today too because I'm working 4x15 hour shifts between today and Monday morning and now I have to pay for a new scale AGAIN (she broke it last time too) AND wait for it to be delivered (3-5 WORKING DAYS). Maybe it's because I am overtired, but I am in such a bad mood :(
Isn't it weird how knowing your weight and if you have lost etc can make such a dramatic difference on your mood. Also it's not as if I can rant to her about it because I don't want her to be suspicious of my constant obsessive weighing.

---

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else struggle with competitive mothers?
/u/phenylalala9 [159cm |CW: 51.3kg | GW: 45kg | F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 01:43:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rlox1/anyone_else_struggle_with_competitive_mothers/
---
So, sorry if I get anything wrong or break any rules. First time posting on Reddit at all but been lurking on here for a while


My mom... Well she lost a whole heap of weight, and whatever, good for her (still larger than me, which I honest to god could not care less about but it's kind of relevant.) She *always* buys me clothes two sizes too big. Brags about great her waist used to be and when I tried on an old skirt of hers (with a stretchy band around the waist) but it was too big. I sucked in lots of air so it'd fit and she'd feel good and she merrily chirped 'Haha! Look she has to suck in her gut to fit in it!' to my father.

She always.. Stares, at what I eat and I feel really uncomfortable eating around her, which is funny because she always buys me SO much food (nothing healthy). When I was into running she'd always just glared at me whenever it was mentioned or changed topics. She ruined one of my crop tops once by stretching it to prove she fit it. She went on to make comments about how much weight she'd lost and said 'Fancy having a mother smaller than you!' And she went to my brother the other day in some pair of shorts (IDEK which ones, I feel kind of weird that she goes through my clothes.) and bragged that 'I did it! I'm wearing Phenylalala9's shorts!!' ...Um. Okay? It really hurts she feels like there's some sort of "competition" here.

I'm really struggling with my weight at the moment and the whole thing just makes me want to cry. Like I hate my body and my fucking disgusting cottage cheese thighs enough, I hate that she's pushing me to be larger when she knows how much I struggle with ED (she's been with me at the doctor's when I was diagnosed) just so she can feel good about herself. Sorry didn't mean to ramble, but I just needed to vent :(


Anyone with similar experiences? I'd love advice on how to deal with this even if it's just 'get over it'

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[Discussion] Is this possible??
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 01:40:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rlonn/is_this_possible/
---
[here is the photo I'm talking about!](https://imgur.com/a/PImnY)

Is this body type possible? Like can you still have a thigh gap but have a butt like that? What sort of work outs would you have to do to achieve that?

I'm mostly focused on weight loss, but after I achieve those goals I'll be trying to put on muscle gain (only a little until I look the way I want).

Thoughts / tips?

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[Discussion] What if skinny women said the same thing?
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 01:36:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rlo6f/what_if_skinny_women_said_the_same_thing/
---
http://www.redbookmag.com/body/a48367/real-women-on-being-size-16/

---

[Discussion] How do your parents react to your lifestyle?
/u/fluffyowlet [5'1.5" | 87.5lbs | 16.9 | 23F]
Created: Thu Feb 2 00:41:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rli0v/how_do_your_parents_react_to_your_lifestyle/
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My dad doesn't care, he's just happy I exercise and stopped eating the junk food that mum always let me have (much to his protest) when I was a child/early teen. Although he does find my aversion to meat inexplicable.

My mum is a *psycho* about it. She's one of those "food is love" mothers who always gave me the junk I asked for and then some because she never had it as a child and felt deprived. Whenever I go to visit my parents and go into the kitchen she pretty much races in there while I browse or do whatever it was I wanted to do and just watches until I'm done. She also tries to tempt me with my old favourites or makes gross dinners like sausages and potato salad drowned in mayo (which I always refuse to eat and I straight up tell her she'll get heart disease if she keeps eating that). And because I'm usually so strong at resisting her food, if I ever eat something calorie dense in front of her she pulls this filthy smile like she's won or something. What she doesn't know is even one of those smiles gives me the motivation/energy to restrict for like a whole month.

So how's your relationship with your parents/how do they react to your lifestyle?

---

Any time I have tried to recover and be nice to my body, this article sums up the best I could ever do [humor]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Feb 2 00:13:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rlei3/any_time_i_have_tried_to_recover_and_be_nice_to/
---
http://reductress.com/post/excuse-me-i-am-very-proud-of-my-stupid-fucking-body/

---

[Discussion] DAE eat less when they don't count calories?
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Wed Feb 1 23:30:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rl8yl/dae_eat_less_when_they_dont_count_calories/
---
I've found that counting all my calories actually makes me eat more because I go "oh I have 200 left" and often that turns into a binge. whereas if I make meal plan goals w/o a calorie count I am much more likely stick to it. Even without a meal plan, taking the 'I'll just eat as little as possible' approach is much more effective.

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[Help] I need to save what I have left
/u/charredsouls
Created: Wed Feb 1 23:21:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rl7sl/i_need_to_save_what_i_have_left/
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* obligatory on mobile, can't flair, but [Help]

I've been b/ping with increasing frequency over the past few months, and about 2-3 weeks ago I finally identified it as a serious problem. I wouldn't be surprised if 2x a week binges turned into every day fairly soon.

Last Saturday morning I had a massive binge and only got rid of about half of it. For some reason that time was different, and I knew then that purging absolutely cannot be an option anymore. I haven't purged since then, but I definitely have binged. Yesterday was about 3,000 calories, and today was probably a little over that.

I feel like a fat piece of shit right now, so could anyone offer some encouragement / advice for continuing to be purge-free? I think I only binge to this level because my brain thinks I can purge it, but this has to change. This time I'm determined to stop, no matter how hard it is :(

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed Feb 1 22:42:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rl22g/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/c33255cd4f2549918b2d4379a6c466a8?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=817398c8bebdd5830dae58c98f7cb7cd

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How can I let someone else see me naked if I can't stand my own body?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 1 22:00:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rkvdk/how_can_i_let_someone_else_see_me_naked_if_i_cant/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I have a really distinct jawline and bump in my nose. I edited them in a picture and go 10x the "likes" I usually do. Oh, my poor self esteem.
/u/canwefloat [5'5 | 120 | - 11 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Feb 1 21:29:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rkqgp/i_have_a_really_distinct_jawline_and_bump_in_my/
---
I just want to cry. I always knew those parts were kind of ugly about me. I tweaked them just a little and BOOM. Positive feedback. More than ever.

Also I gained 8 lbs. Hello again, everyone.

---

[Rant/Rave] The Dangers of Happiness
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Wed Feb 1 21:28:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rkq8f/the_dangers_of_happiness/
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I lose the weight. I hit a new goal. Then I let myself go. I binge and binge until I binge just to not think about binging. Why is making progress and finally feeling happy about my body such a trigger for me? It's almost like I am DARING myself to gain the weight back. This is so backwards. I have worked so hard to get this far; why do I waste it all away once I'm happy?


This reconfirms the idea that I will always have to count calories. I will always, always, always struggle with food. I'm either sad and skinny, or happy and fat. Ugh

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[Tip] Post-102 hour Fast eating and thoughts
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 139.1 | 22.54 | -9.1 | 21F]
Created: Wed Feb 1 20:52:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rkk3k/post102_hour_fast_eating_and_thoughts/
---
So I didn't end it the way I wanted to, and I indeed sparked a 1900 calorie binge (on really healthy foods to be honest, which was a bit of a surprise). I'm not very guilty about it. my TDEE is around 1900 on an inactive day and up to 2300 on an active day. So I was down about 8000-9000 calories of real weight. Oh well. It made me feel like a person again and it wasn't crap junk food like my binges usually would be.

Today was also higher than I wanted it to be, but I was in the gym for 2.5 hours weight lifting and 2300 calories would put me at maintaining for today. Which is fine for me, because I want to feel full and sick of food by Thursday night (which I will at this pace).

I would like to try another 72-96 hour fast beginning Friday at 5pm (although I won't post so much about it....maybe just if something special happens).

I really enjoyed fasting. In the beginning, I felt much more mentally acute and aware of my place in the world. Around hour 75, I was feeling a deterioration in mental ability, and that was frustrating, but it allowed my mind to kind of reach inward and just think about me. Everything seemed uselessly profound too. i would liken it to the time that I took acid. I was able to form elaborate, complete thoughts in my head, but had a difficult time expressing them to others. That's fine with me because I don't really talk to many people more than 2 hour segments.

I really struggled from hours 85-96. Everything was hazy and I felt kind of drunk. Ethereal would be a romantic way to describe it, but it did feel like I had to trust my learned autopilot in order to survive this. Very difficult working retail with that kind of mindset. I hope that I don't have to do that very often or people will think i'm a terrible worker (which I dont like. I take pride in my hard work).

All in all, this was an A++ experience with very few side effects.

I had read that you should ease yourself back onto food with things like broth and veggies. But in my case I ended up kind of just slamming it down....whoops. But i had no ill effects from this. Not even a tummy ache. I felt normal again in about 10 minutes. Like i hadn't even fasted.

Also what poop i did have was green by hour 55. Really green and gross. And the person who told me not to trust farts really saved me a couple of times. You are amazing thank you so much for that. You were not at all joking.

---

[Rant/Rave] My only downside of my ED right now..
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 1 20:08:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rkbzp/my_only_downside_of_my_ed_right_now/
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COLD HANDS + FREEZING AS F*CK FINGERS!

I teach a dance/fitness class a few times a week just to keep myself active and for fun, and the students (1-8th grade) always ask to use my hands as their 'ice packs' after class to cool them down.

They are NEVER warm! I wear mittens to bed sometimes!!!

---

[Discussion] DAE
/u/Haywiid
Created: Wed Feb 1 19:48:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rk8ah/dae/
---
[removed]

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[Intro] intro before i forget again
/u/starfond
Created: Wed Feb 1 17:43:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rjjxu/intro_before_i_forget_again/
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Heyo! I'm starfond, an 18 year-old from Canada. I've lurked/occasionally posted around here for awhile, but haven't really had a moment to sit at a computer and write an intro, cause I'm usually on mobile. I've been dealing with disordered eating since around middle school, though at the time I convinced myself I was just "dieting" (despite obsessive calorie-counting and purging). I stumbled upon this subreddit shortly after joining reddit and stuck around 'cause you guys are nice and I could use the support. Anyhow, that's it for my little intro, I just figured I should post one since I'm relatively new here. Y'all are great, and I hope your day's going well. <3

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[Discussion] Your relationship with obsession
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Wed Feb 1 17:37:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rjiiw/your_relationship_with_obsession/
---
Can't flair on mobile.

Obsession...we all have it. It's especially inescapable as ED humans.

What is your relationship with it? Do you find it helpful or hindering to your goals? (No matter what those goals may be)

No right or wrong answers, just starting a dialogue because of some own internal questioning I've been doing.

Sometimes I feel like my obsession helps my goal (my goals = stay focused, lose weight, eat healthy, restrict, no sugar, no binges, get to goal weight) because if i keep my eye on the prize and stay motivated I'm less likely to slack off.

But sometimes i think if I'm too preoccupied with food and calories it leads me to get overwhelmed or binge or tempts me to "recover" (aka an excuse to binge and pretend I'm doing something positive).

Food for thought (hah) and a little of my own brain struggle.

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[Discussion] The company nicknamed it "vegan one broth"
/u/jozycity2
Created: Wed Feb 1 17:33:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rjhrm/the_company_nicknamed_it_vegan_one_broth/
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I saw [this](http://milliessavoryteas.com/index.html) in another subreddit and was wondering if anyone here had tried it? It's basically savory tea or broth in a bag.

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[Rant/Rave] [rave] i can fit under a vault door.
/u/archersarrows [5'6"|CW110|SW225|GW100|17.83]
Created: Wed Feb 1 17:27:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rjgga/rave_i_can_fit_under_a_vault_door/
---
I'm on mobile so I can't actually flair, but I'm weirdly proud of this and no one else gets it:

I work at a bank. The vault's got an interior door (behind the big, This Is a Vault one that you can imagine) that locks when you shut it behind you, and someone left the key inside. No one with a spare is present. WHOOPS.

There's about a six inch gap under the door, and everyone's freaking out because the one guy they thought could get under is too broad. I'm new, so it takes time for anyone to ask me.

But they do! And I TOTALLY FIT UNDER THE DOOR (after squishing down the mountain of padding in my bra). My manager spends the day telling this story like it breaks the laws of physics that a person could do that, while I pretend I'm not freaking out over FITTING UNDER A DOOR.

Of course, a bag of fat still fits through a hole, BUT I'M GOING TO BE HAPPY FOR NOW.

---

[Discussion] Interesting Article for those with ADD/ADHD: ADHD and ED linked?
/u/heartbrokenandok [5'7"-ish | 189 | 29-ish | -32.8| F]
Created: Wed Feb 1 17:25:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rjfyl/interesting_article_for_those_with_addadhd_adhd/
---
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4780667/

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] My mental health professor is talking about online ED communities as I browse and post here.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 1 17:13:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rjd6b/my_mental_health_professor_is_talking_about/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Body Fat Percentage
/u/schoolgirlqt [5'6.5" |120lbs| BMI:19 |21F]
Created: Wed Feb 1 17:04:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rjb2x/body_fat_percentage/
---
(Mobile) Rant/RAVE

I decided to calculate my BFP because i am skeptical of BMI and was pleasantly surprised! I got 18.24%!! Which is the within the range of athletes! This really motivates me to go to the gym tonight instead of skipping. 😊
i'm also happy because even though i am "normal" bmi, i am below normal in body fat. the calculator is fairly accurate too as it requires you to measure multiple parts of your body.
link: https://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/body-fat-percentage-calculator

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[Help] I'm really afraid to reach out for help (and I'd feel stupid doing it)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 1 16:52:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rj8i6/im_really_afraid_to_reach_out_for_help_and_id/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Freaking out over gym scale
/u/sjdoubleyou [6'3" | 173 | 20.37 | M]
Created: Wed Feb 1 15:07:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rilwy/freaking_out_over_gym_scale/
---
(On mobile, I guess this is a rant)

I'm currently sitting in my university gym's lobby feeling confused and bothered about a conversation I overheard. Two big-ish, weightlifter-looking guys we weighing themselves on the old school balance scale in the men's locker room. This is the scale I used to measure myself. I overheard one of them mention how the scale "runs heavy" and the other agreed, saying something about it being skewed 7 or 8 pounds. I'm freaking out because I'm not sure which direction it's inaccurate; I didn't hear enough of their conversation.

If it says people are heavier by 7 or 8 pounds than they really are, I guess this is a "good" thing. But what if it skews in the other direction.

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[Intro] Two days
/u/Lilwitch513
Created: Wed Feb 1 14:13:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ri9sc/two_days/
---
Haven't posted here before. But as a teenager I had pretty severe anorexia and bulimia. Was about 110 at my lightest, which I was good with since I still had a good sized chest. Since then...I've let myself go. A lot. I'm trying to lose weight again, and this is the only way I know how. I didn't eat yesterday, and haven't eaten today. Only black coffee. And honestly? I feel fucking great. That's all.

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[Help] Chest pain?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 1 14:05:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ri7x9/chest_pain/
---
I have been restricting pretty heavily and lost about 10 pounds in a week and a half (I understand that's not possible so it's probably water weight?)

I know the opinion of laxatives here but I have an issue with abuse and relapsed on that last night by taking 6, which I've done hundreds of times. I've restricted hundreds of times.

My chest just feels. Tight?

I've been keeping up with hydration...any other suggestions?

I saw my psych yesterday and he wants me in IOP for anxiety/depression/ed and I said no, he said he was going to talk to my doctor and I don't have any intention on a visit anytime soon....

What can I do?

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[Rant/Rave] just wanted to share this with someone tbh. feel free to not read.
/u/Lady_Anarchy [169cm | CW: 54kg | GW: 52kg | BMI: 18.94 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 1 13:36:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ri17s/just_wanted_to_share_this_with_someone_tbh_feel/
---
I hate my body. I hate every aspect of it. I hate the way I cannot control how much I eat most of the time. I hate how fat I've got since the summer. I hate the sight I see each day in the mirror. I hate feeling hungry. I hate seeing myself unable to stop eating. I hate wanting sweets. I hate wanting food. I hate the way I spend hours upon hours looking at beautiful, thin girls, only to remember I will never look like them. I hate how all my clothes simply accentuate the fat I've gained. I hate almost every angle of my face. I hate the way my thighs cannot stay apart. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I've let all the progress I'd made slip away. I hate having munchies every time I get high. I hate wanting tastes in my mouth. I hate the way everyone else around me is so fucking beautiful. I hate being reduced to my appearance. I hate that it controls every thing I do. I hate the way I cannot stop myself and I hate the way I keep giving up. I hate the way logging is only descriptive and doesn't change what I do. I hate seeing the numbers rise. I hate even more how insignificant every change is on its own, but how much it affects me. I hate how no one notices; no one ever notices. I hate how people whine about me pointing out flaws. I hate being a perfectionist. I hate my body. I hate myself.


today, I consumed a total of 120 calories and walked 10km. for once, I exercised self control and it felt nice. but what is one day to a hundred others. I am a fucking failure. and I sure as shit don't belong in this sub. you were right.

---

[Rant/Rave] Rant: I'm done with food
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Wed Feb 1 13:32:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ri09r/rant_im_done_with_food/
---
I hit my goal of 20 pounds in January, it felt amazing, and I reached it on January 28 (it didn't even take the whole month!). It's been 5 days since then and I haven't seen the scale move at all.
I just don't get it. I know that it get harder to continue to lose weight, but my body shouldn't have adjusted or anything. I'm still eating less than 300 calories per day!
I guess I'm just going to be done with food for a while and start doing some cardio every night

---

[Help] The most horrifying question I've ever been asked
/u/A_is_for_apple [5'5.5 | 111 | 18.2 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 1 13:32:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ri05d/the_most_horrifying_question_ive_ever_been_asked/
---
Guys I don't post much anymore. I will give you the briefest backstory I can. I started at 147lbs (5'5.5)... a year ago I got down to 106. I was rail thin and happy and making family nervous (and so it goes). Fast forward to my gross self today. All control lost, many factors getting the best of me. Back up and at my highest EVER: 157. I cannot look in a mirror and I want my life to end every day.

So today, I get an email from a sweet coworker. Her intentions weren't bad, but still. The subject was "question..." and then something like "I feel weird asking this and I'm not sure but are you preggo? Not that I'm saying you look it, but I heard from someone that you were"


IM SORRY WHAT. THE. FUCK. I guess I've officially made it guys, I'm officially a fucking whale. I don't know how I got here but I am so upset and I don't know what to do. This is rock bottom. Please help

---

Sorry another pic. But these f***ers (hip bones) are the reason l'll never be smaller than a size 6. Glad to see them but still. 😑
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 1 13:22:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rhxvi/sorry_another_pic_but_these_fers_hip_bones_are/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/ea54d6ab57ec4979a583e7b25f26c1d5?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=8a698e18478ea5469b0bd302cae7eb87

---

[Intro] my intro
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 146.1 | 21.1 | GW1 149 | GW2 145]
Created: Wed Feb 1 12:57:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rhs9o/my_intro/
---
I'm bored AF in class so I figured I'd do my introduction post
Im 21 and have had disordered eating & body dysmorphia as far back as I can remember. My first ed started when I discovered the old pro ana websites... like 2008 internet. That went away after while, I was young and stupid. But in 2012 I actually developed EDNOS which began with anorexia which turned into bulimia. I recovered in 2014 for like a year and a half with IIFYM and weight lifting. but I gained A LOT of muscle mass and a lot of fat too. so I went from 130 (around my lowest) to 163 (which was my highest in august). Now I am back to restricting and am at 151ish and want to get back to 130 by spring. then even lower.

THATS ME! lol

---

[Discussion] How are you today?
/u/AllHailTheGremlins [5'7" | 150 lbs | 23.41 | -20 | F 22yo]
Created: Wed Feb 1 12:43:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rhoui/how_are_you_today/
---
Also, I just wanted to let you know that you're amazing.

---

[Help] [Help] Accepting hunger. Not fighting it
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Wed Feb 1 12:27:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rhl9q/help_accepting_hunger_not_fighting_it/
---
I take 2 medications. 1 makes me hungry and the second removes my anxiety around eating. Basically a medical cocktail to cure anorexia. But I am not anorexic. I have BED.

The minute I see food or feel hungry I want to eat everything. I try to fight the hunger but I just give in an binge. I read brain over binge but it hasn't helped like I hope. I need help accepting the hunger and experience it detached rather than controlling me.


Help?

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm at 360 calories for the day and it's 3:00. Trying to stay strong. Got a thing at 5:00, so I just have to make it a couple more hours.
/u/AllHailTheGremlins [5'7" | 150 lbs | 23.41 | -20 | F 22yo]
Created: Wed Feb 1 12:25:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rhkmq/im_at_360_calories_for_the_day_and_its_300_trying/
---
Mostly trying not to eat from boredom and stress. The times when I'm just sitting alone in my apartment are the worst because all I can think about is food and weight. But I'm doing well today so far, trying to get back on track after a rough week last week. Trying to keep myself distracted. I just finished watching Black Swan. I wish I was as skinny as them. I wish I had stayed with dancing. I gave it up a long time ago and I really regret it. Maybe if I hadn't I'd still be skinny.

Edit: made it the rest of the time without eating! I had more coffee and now I'm safely in class, with a nice distraction and no temptation.

Total calorie count for the day: 395

---

[Discussion] I can't focus in lectures because I'm too busy staring at the thin, beautiful girls.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 1 12:21:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rhjsk/i_cant_focus_in_lectures_because_im_too_busy/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I have to go out to dinner, with my parents, weekly, and it's killing me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 1 12:15:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rhig1/i_have_to_go_out_to_dinner_with_my_parents_weekly/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant] Imgur + A short introduction
/u/lowfatlove [5'5" | 145 | 24.1 | F]
Created: Wed Feb 1 12:07:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rhgk2/rant_imgur_a_short_introduction/
---
Long time lurker, first time poster, binged a fuckton and feeling like shit, the usual.

Hey guys.

On nearly every fucking imgur album, I see the same comments.
"Eat a sandwich."

OH BOY HOW HELPFUL! LET'S ALL GO TO THE FUCKING CORNER DELI AND GET SANDWICHES BECAUSE THE ASSHOLES ON IMGUR TOLD US TO!

no.

Literally, If the albums were filled with overweight people, the comments section would be flooded with "how beautiful!" and "how brave!" if anyone commented "eat less sandwiches", there would be quite a shitstorm wouldn't there be.

So hi guys. I'm fat, miserable, and binging and stressed with the copious amounts of homework that come with a high school life.

Nice to meet you.

---

[Help] Anyone else get super puffy eyes after purging? How do I solve this?
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105.2 | GW 95]
Created: Wed Feb 1 12:06:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rhg5g/anyone_else_get_super_puffy_eyes_after_purging/
---
Right after I purge my eyes get SOOO puffy as if I had been crying all night. I hate it because then people can tell that something's wrong and it doesn't go away for days and makes me feel so ashamed. It's gotten to the point where whenever I binge I can't decide whether to purge and hate myself everytime I see my face in the mirror or fast and hate myself for not purging. Any tips??

---

[Thinspo] Inspired by a couple other thinspo dumps, here is mine
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 1 11:53:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rhd7r/inspired_by_a_couple_other_thinspo_dumps_here_is/
---
http://imgur.com/a/JGiml

---

[Discussion] Starting EC stack
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" | 200 lbs | 29.5 | 30 lbs| Male]
Created: Wed Feb 1 11:33:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rh8o7/starting_ec_stack/
---
I just bought the stuff, and it's my first time trying an EC stack.

The E is bronkaid (25mg)
The C is generic ass cvs something or other (200mg)

Any recommendations for a starting dose? How many times a day?

Also I've heard mostly negative things about taking the A in an ECA stack, any experiences with it?

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant] i can't stop thinking about food
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 1 10:44:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rgx3u/rant_i_cant_stop_thinking_about_food/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] how do you build up just enough self confidence to talk to a stranger?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 1 10:38:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rgvp5/how_do_you_build_up_just_enough_self_confidence/
---
[deleted]

---

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Does this ad pop up for everyone else, too? it kills me!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 1 10:03:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rgnqx/does_this_ad_pop_up_for_everyone_else_too_it/
---
https://i.imgur.com/0C4rCCV.png

---

[Other] "ED" commercial + Thinspo
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Wed Feb 1 09:27:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rgfss/ed_commercial_thinspo/
---
So idk if anyone will find this amusing so I added [some thinspo](https://imgur.com/gallery/JygTz) to this post to some how justify posting here again haha. Anyway I was watching TV and it went to commercial break and I wasn't really paying attention and all of a sudden I keep hearing "E.D." "E.D." "...diagnosed with E.D." And I look up expecting some eating disorder PSA and instead it's a woman trying to sexily sell viagra. I had no idea ED was also an abbreviation for Erectile dysfunction. I wonder if anyone has stumbled on this sub and at first glance gotten the wrong idea. Just amused me. Anyway, hope you're all having a great hump day.

---

[Thinspo] Huge celebrity thinspo photo dump
/u/tinybites [5'6" 24F | cw: 142.4 | gw: 115 | -42.6 lbs]
Created: Wed Feb 1 08:54:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rg8dt/huge_celebrity_thinspo_photo_dump/
---
http://imgur.com/a/CqJIo

---

[Help] [help] bronkaid / ec stack
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 146.1 | 21.1 | GW1 149 | GW2 145]
Created: Wed Feb 1 08:29:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rg30i/help_bronkaid_ec_stack/
---
I need help! I am going to get bronkaid later today. I have a pretty high caffeine tolerance, I usually have like 2 large coffees and a monster a day. So thats A LOT of caffeine. but I also have a pretty high resting heart rate, around 100. I am scared to take the bronkaid and it induce a panic attack. I used to take oxyelite pro and that worked but it gave me such anxiety and heart palpitations. Does anyone have experience with an EC stack, bad side effects? If I just take the bronkaid with no coffee, is that a better way to start out?
Sorry if this makes so sense, I just woke up and was calling all the pharmacies in my town.

---

[Help] What has helped you avoid feeling weak when restricting?
/u/anadrogyne [173 cm | 52.4kg | 17.5 | -2.5kg| F]
Created: Wed Feb 1 07:08:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rfndk/what_has_helped_you_avoid_feeling_weak_when/
---
I get shaky and physically tired when I'm restricting for a while, so tired that even walking is a chore. Is there anything that can keep you feeling energised during the day (excluding caffeine) and relatively is calorie free? Or any meals under 200 calories that are nutritious and make you feel relatively normal? Thanks!

---

[Help] How to know if my ECA stack (4e/100c/81a) is working
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 1 06:34:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rfh9t/how_to_know_if_my_eca_stack_4e100c81a_is_working/
---
[deleted]

---

[Thinspo] |Thinspo| An album from my phone /mobile;can't flair
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |143.8|-76lbs|GW: 110|19A]
Created: Wed Feb 1 06:21:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rff4l/thinspo_an_album_from_my_phone_mobilecant_flair/
---
https://imgur.com/a/NddoM

---

[Rant/Rave] Insomnia is such a bitch
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 1 06:11:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rfdht/insomnia_is_such_a_bitch/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm freaking out over pancakes, I'm not going to eat....
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Feb 1 05:32:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rf7bq/im_freaking_out_over_pancakes_im_not_going_to_eat/
---
[deleted]

---

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday February 01, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Feb 1 05:10:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rf3xz/way_to_go_wednesday_february_01_2017/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for February 01, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! February 01, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Feb 1 05:09:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rf3xc/daily_food_diary_february_01_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for February 01, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] I just need to vent
/u/Uppity-Kitten
Created: Wed Feb 1 04:01:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rev6d/i_just_need_to_vent/
---
My mum just singled me out in front of my immediate family and partner and said "If you're really worried about your weight you'd only eat dinner. No lollies. Nothing."
As. She. Put a piece. Of. Hard. Candy. In her mouth.
I haven't mentioned weight since the beginning of this month. Now I feel disgusting. I don't want to eat. I am disgusting.

---

[Discussion] How exactly is CBT for binge eating disorder performed?
/u/somethingtosay2333
Created: Wed Feb 1 00:03:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5re3jw/how_exactly_is_cbt_for_binge_eating_disorder/
---
I understand the idea behind CBT is to change behavior patterns through psychotherapy but how is that performed exactly? What does treatment consist of? I'm mostly curious about it's application toward binge eating. Anyone have any perspective or expert opinion?
Thanks

---

[Discussion] Fresh-slate February. What are you working on this month?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 31 23:29:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rdz11/freshslate_february_what_are_you_working_on_this/
---
Welcome to February.

How have you been doing this year so far?

Doing well? Hitting your goals? Great! Keep up the good work!

Not doing so well? Fresh start!

A lot of people get discouraged in January when they don't start their life perfectly with the new year. Let's say your goal was to workout every day and you missed a few days. Some people are very all-or-nothing and are tempted to give up. Don't!

We all know weight loss is not all-or-nothing. As long as you are moving towards your goal, you can do it. Even the smallest step moves you forward. If you took a few steps back, brush yourself off, and keep going. Failures and slip-ups are normal.

Think about it your goal in small steps. If you see you have 100 miles to go in a race, it can be daunting. But if you know you just need to make it through 10 miles and then work from there, you'll be there in no time.

I love this community. You've been there for my (literal) ups and down and everything in between. It's a unique place where we can say things that would make no sense to a lot of people and not get judged for it. Never hesitate to reach out to us for anything.

So what are you going to work on this month?

---

[Thinspo] |Thinspo| Album from my phone
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 31 23:17:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rdx9z/thinspo_album_from_my_phone/
---
https://imgur.com/a/NddoM

---

[Discussion] Good dessert recipes or ideas?
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" | 200 lbs | 29.5 | 30 lbs| Male]
Created: Tue Jan 31 23:12:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rdwmk/good_dessert_recipes_or_ideas/
---
Sorry no flair, on mobile :/

I have a huge sweet tooth and I crave them every time I'm restricting. I just tried a pretty satisfying low calorie snack:

Half a mango: 100 calories
4 strawberries: 24 calories
1/4 cup halo top vanilla: 30 calories
1/2 of a gram cracker, crumbled over the top: 30 calories


Sooo good. Ive also discovered marshmallow fluff is fairly low calorie, some of the with fruit or on a slice of bread is godly. Anyone have any ideas for how to satisfy a sweet craving? Especially chocolate ._.

---

[Thinspo] |Thinspo| Posting my album here so that I can delete it from my phone
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 31 22:31:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rdqjo/thinspo_posting_my_album_here_so_that_i_can/
---
https://imgur.com/a/NddoM

---

A large waffle fry from chik fil a and a small bag of Snyder's chips has How many calories???
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Tue Jan 31 21:48:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rdjq5/a_large_waffle_fry_from_chik_fil_a_and_a_small/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Catching myself caring more about the weight of food than calories
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Tue Jan 31 20:33:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rd6sv/catching_myself_caring_more_about_the_weight_of/
---
[RANT] on mobile

This is so crazy. I'm not sure why or when or how I started doing this but it dawned on me that if I were to eat something that was 100 calories but weighed more than something that was 200 calories I would go for the 200 calorie food. I care so much about instantly not gaining weight. Tonight I had baked cauliflower and fish for dinner and was the lowest cal and healthiest thing I've had all week but it feels heavy in my stomach. The coffee drink I had yesterday that was probably double the calories on the other hand didn't stress me out at all because I didn't feel like there was food inside me and thus felt skinnier. Why brain. What's up with you? Why do this? Stop being a dick.

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Tue Jan 31 20:15:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rd3g7/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/2af67b785a5243ea980bbe57fa9da936?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=46aad18fbb6a760af3bb98c68e948ba2

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[Help] First time taking Bronkaid tomorrow (e25). I'm scared? Not the full ECA stack.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 31 20:13:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rd36j/first_time_taking_bronkaid_tomorrow_e25_im_scared/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] Discord Group?
/u/DahliaDubonet [SCREAMING INTERNALLY]
Created: Tue Jan 31 19:45:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rcxwr/discord_group/
---
Sorry if this is a redundant question, I searched the sidebar to no avail but was curious if there was a discord group for this fine group of people?

---

[Intro] My introduction: I think I'm borderline relapsing.
/u/___never__ever
Created: Tue Jan 31 19:23:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rctvz/my_introduction_i_think_im_borderline_relapsing/
---
I have dealt with disordered eating on and off since I was 14. I am 25 now. I'm the heaviest I've ever been and have been essentially recovered from diagnosed anorexia for about 4 years. In hindsight, I did switch obsessions from not eating anything to eating 'safe foods' that were low-carb and high protein, because I started lifting weights regularly. Although my body was healthy, my mind never was. A few years later when I found out I was pregnant, I ended up developing BED. Which in turn, made me gain an excessive amount of weight in pregnancy. I was so scared to have preggorexia that I wouldn't let my doctor weigh me and just. kept. eating.

I left the hospital 200+ which was a number that made me die inside.

I went through horrible PPD and came out the other side and somehow got my mind healthy by myself. I didn't count calories for months and didn't workout but a few days a week. I expected to lose some of it naturally and had a rude awakening that it wasn't going to happen like that. So over the past year and a few months, I've taken off 30+lbs from a healthy deficient in eating and working out 5+ days a week.

The last month though I have found myself in those old thoughts. Trying to skip meals, slowly getting to higher deficients. I keep telling myself, "just restrict until your comfortable and build healthy habits again." But I know all to well where that will lead. I am slowly coming back. I keep telling myself, "today stay under 500" and I ALWAYS end up eating 1200-1400. Which makes me feel awful. My scale has stopped making its happy descent for FOUR days since the new year and I'm in a full-blown panic.

Did anyone else see the scale plateau when theY started restricting part-time? I'm too fat of a failure to do it full-time, but I still never eat over my deficient. Hoping to build stamina in fasting/restriction as summer is well on its way.

Thank you for reading this. Please flair rant as I am on mobile.

---

[Rant/Rave] For no appetite try: Snooping through your SO's phone
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 31 19:22:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rctsb/for_no_appetite_try_snooping_through_your_sos/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] ED themed video games?
/u/satanAMA [173cm (5'9) | 63kg (141lbs) | 21 | 27kg (60lbs) | F]
Created: Tue Jan 31 18:50:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rcnfs/ed_themed_video_games/
---
I've looked and looked, but the only game I can find is [this](http://www.fupa.com/play/Other-free-games/reading-disorder.html) glorified cookie clicker. Ugh. Anyone have any faves?

---

[Rant/Rave] Managed to stop b/p so much? Here, have some CRIPPLING DEPRESSION
/u/antimeridian [5'5" | BMI 17.9 | maintaining 🌻]
Created: Tue Jan 31 18:47:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rcmuy/managed_to_stop_bp_so_much_here_have_some/
---
I've been doing really well with not bingeing and purging lately. It would be awesome (and mostly is), but I've started realizing how much I relied on b/p to cope with my depression. Like, I didn't even think I was depressed before I stopped b/p. I've tried therapy, medication, etc., but nothing helps. The real problem is that I'm not depressed ~about~ anything; I'm just depressed.

Is there some kind of bingo for mental illnesses? Because I think my brain is trying to win. Fuck this :(

---

[Rant/Rave] Managed to stop b/p so much? Here, have some CRIPPLING DEPRESSION xoxo ur brain
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 31 18:45:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rcmib/managed_to_stop_bp_so_much_here_have_some/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] Stupid question on calorie intake
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 31 18:29:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rcjic/stupid_question_on_calorie_intake/
---
[deleted]

---

[Other] "Are you a ballerina?": an accepting Dr.'s office experience.
/u/7_of_cups [5'4 | CW 102 | GW 95 | 17.85 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 31 18:16:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rcgy2/are_you_a_ballerina_an_accepting_drs_office/
---
I went to a new Dr.'s office today, in a cosmetic surgery center. The weigh-in part was a surprise. As the nurse was logging in my info, she said, "Are you a ballerina? What do you do for a living?" when she got to occupation XD I was wearing a black jersey wrap dress that is awfully dance-like, but I laughed and said no, and she said I had a perfect figure. She didn't even raise an eyebrow when I weighed in at 100.0 with my giant shoes on!

My reason for sharing is I thought the difference was remarkable in terms of this care team's perception and attitude toward my weight compared to the last scolding visit I made. The fact that it was a cosmetic surgery center must have something to do with it...its a part of the same hospital network, not some beauty center, but obviously there is a different focus and expectation there that I thought was super interesting.

Oh, and I had a small vanity procedure done that I asked for as an x-mas present ; )

---

[Discussion] documentary suggestions
/u/jrste310 [5 ft | 106 lb | 21.34 | -21.5| Female]
Created: Tue Jan 31 17:49:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rcbh1/documentary_suggestions/
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shows or docs that focus on characters with EDS???

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[Thinspo] 90210: thinspo as fuck (album inside)
/u/bougainvilleas [5'5.5" | CW 110-115?? | LW 99 | GW 89]
Created: Tue Jan 31 17:06:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rc2r9/90210_thinspo_as_fuck_album_inside/
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one of my odd ED pastimes is obsessively tracking other people's weight gain/loss, because I find before & after comparisons really inspiring and I think it's comforting to be reminded that weight is a temporary, mutable thing.

I watched a couple episodes of the show 90210 last night, and jessica stroup (character erin silver) so obviously has an eating disorder...

[[ [before and after shots here](http://imgur.com/a/RuXm9) ]]

agh, she's so strikingly beautiful <3 those photos in the orange strapless dress = my exact goal.

shenae grimes, who plays the main character annie, has also gone through some pretty dramatic weight changes over the years.

[[ [shenae album](http://imgur.com/a/45uuc) ]]

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[Discussion] [Discussion] What are the best vegetarian / vegan food options you know?
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jan 31 16:45:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rbyd2/discussion_what_are_the_best_vegetarian_vegan/
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This is more about packaged foods; such as burgers, fake meats, ice creams, snacks, etc. Please include brand and calories if possible.

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[Discussion] [Discussion] What do you allow yourself on a fast?
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jan 31 16:18:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rbsv4/discussion_what_do_you_allow_yourself_on_a_fast/
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[removed]

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I like to read this sub while I eat
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 31 16:00:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rbp0q/i_like_to_read_this_sub_while_i_eat/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Fuck dried fruit
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 31 15:50:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rbmtt/fuck_dried_fruit/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Breakup
/u/borrow_our_light [5'7| 134.4lbs | 21.78 BMI | -27.2lbs | F | GW 115]
Created: Tue Jan 31 15:02:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rbc72/breakup/
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So an interesting turn of events has lead me and my girlfriend to breaking up. I have never not wanted to eat so much in my life. I have zero desire to do anything including eat.

I really hate the feeling but I can't help but be a little happy about not having eaten in 2 days.

Sorry on mobile can't flair

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[Goal] 96 hours and 8.8lbs down
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 139.1 | 22.54 | -9.1 | 21F]
Created: Tue Jan 31 14:40:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rb74y/96_hours_and_88lbs_down/
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I'm on mobile so no flair (goal maybe?)

I'm submitting this a bit early cause I work at the time that my official 96 hours hits, but I'm at 95.5 with no food and no desire to eat.....sooooo lol.

As the title says, I've been fasting since Friday at 5pm, and it is now Tuesday at (almost) 5pm. I'm planning on going to 110 hours at least because I want to go to triple digits but that'll be super fucking early in the morning (because I don't want to risk triggering a binge by eating tonight).

I've loved my fast! But it is about time to wind it down for me. Things are beginning to hurt, standing up is a chore and I can't think very well for very long. My ankles hurt the most so I'm not looking forward to 6hrs of retail (kill me), but as with all things, time marches forward. Sorry for rambling :)

I'll do one last post-fast update Wednesday evening detailing what I ate/when/how I felt. I'm planning on eating 1700 calories both Wednesday and Thursday and then repeating the cycle if I can. I'll be able to get my lifting in then (upper body Wednesday and lower on Thursday). I'm also already planning what to eat. I'm getting a burrito because I haven't had one in like 4 months. Also halo top. But outside of that, just my normal foods (tuna, cucumbers, eggs, turkey burgers)

Thank you for your patience with my many posts lolol

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[Rant/Rave] Things are going downhill
/u/elttil_snatas
Created: Tue Jan 31 14:17:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rb1zl/things_are_going_downhill/
---
On mobile can't flair, sorry. Rant/rave

I've been trying really hard to work on loving myself and trying to diet without counting calories or weighing myself often because the second numbers get involved I become obsessive. It was going well the first few weeks. The progress was slow but it was there... But then something clicked and I snapped and I've been restricting and bingeing in cycles and have gained everything back and more. I keep trying to convince my bf to sign us up for a gym membership being he is the maker of money in our relationship but he doesn't want to stretch our budget any more.

I snapped and started filling out applications for part time jobs despite knowing that this kind of work triggers my anxiety like no other. I don't even care anymore. If I get a job we can afford a gym and maybe if I'm gone all day I won't be able to binge anymore because I'm too ashamed to do it in front of him. I miss the feeling of being cold and shivery all the time. I miss fitting my fucking clothes. I'm sick of being so fat but every time I start losing weight I either don't lose enough and freak out or I try to "treat myself" for tons of progress and end up bingeing.

I say this every time but if I could just stick to it this time....

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[Discussion] Has anyone taken or are currently taking a benzo? Klonopin (Clonazapam), Xanax or generic form of them, etc.
/u/diamond_sourpatchkid [5'2" | 130 | 24.6 | -10 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 31 13:51:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5raw70/has_anyone_taken_or_are_currently_taking_a_benzo/
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I went on benzos at 20 and I became very underweight. Has anyone ever experienced the same side effects?

After getting off of them I gained it back thus self esteem issues since and eating/dieting problems.

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[Help] So let me get this straight, it's impossible to significantly lower your metabolism?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Tue Jan 31 13:37:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5rasus/so_let_me_get_this_straight_its_impossible_to/
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My patterns definitely come in cycles and whenever I'm restricting I feel like i lose slower and slower. I keep reading though that metabolic damage is mostly a myth. I hate the idea of eating but I more so hate the idea of not being able to lose as easily. Does anyone have advice? I feel less stressed if I eat around 600 cal and run but I'm afraid in the long run I'll hurt my metabolism or thyroid or something

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[Discussion] proED meetups?
/u/kidhollywood
Created: Tue Jan 31 13:18:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5raofn/proed_meetups/
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Hi i'm the boyfriend of someone with ED struggles. She doesn't necessarily have the money nor drive to seek professional help. So I personally live in Jersey but would take a roadtrip or flight if neccassary to see if there is any meetups/support groups we can go to together so she can talk with like minded ppl and see if that could help her along a bit.

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[Discussion] living ED through "phases"
/u/ghostbydefault
Created: Tue Jan 31 12:04:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ra7ic/living_ed_through_phases/
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I feel gross. I've had a history of bulimia and anorexia but have gone undiagnosed. I assumed I have EDNOS, since my symptoms aren't consistent enough to even be generalized as Anorexia or Bulimia.
The past few days (or maybe week or two) have been hell. I haven't been able to sleep properly or function. I'm unemployed and have been for a couple of months. I've been so close to have multiple jobs just for them to screw me over (I've never had such consistent bad luck). I've just been laying on my couch,eating, smoking weed and trying to keep up on what's happening in the world.
I've been eating so much.
I can't stop.
I confronted myself this morning, since I am trying to pick myself up from this mess. I am so huge. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I have been gulping down water all day and plan to go to the gym later even. I'm so disgusted but I've been spun back into my restrictive mindset. Does anyone else experience their ed Like this?

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[Rant/Rave] Dieting wit a "normal" nonED friend [rant]
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 31 10:51:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r9qk9/dieting_wit_a_normal_noned_friend_rant/
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(On mobile can't flare)

And it fucking sucks. I lost 10 pounds and gained at least half right back because I used a bad sickness as an excuse to binge for almost a week and I'm back up at about 160 (163ish after day of eating/binging).

My normal friend? She's lost 7lbs in the first week I know of and probably more by now eating at 1200 healthy cal a day and exercising (we eat 2/3 meals together). It's so easy for her, just calculating input/output and sticking to it no problem. I thought I was done binging but being sick has almost reversed it for me and it feels like it's back worse than ever coupled with a growing hatred of this friend.

Its so stupid and I don't have enough friends to loose any but I want to hate how good she looks in such a short amount of time knowing that because of my ED I will never have that ease. I will always be the fat friend or the dieting friend. She'll probably be done dieting in another week or two and I'll just be struggling to start again.

I hate her, but more than anything, I hate myself.

This isn't even counting my other 91 lb 5'5" friend who stress loose weight and makes me feel like shit daily. 2/4 for friends I can't stand to be around even though they generally treat me decently.

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[Help] Why am I so so dehydrated?
/u/orangejujubes
Created: Tue Jan 31 10:19:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r9iq0/why_am_i_so_so_dehydrated/
---
I have never had a problem with this before. I do go through b/p and just purging cycles sometimes, but have always been able to keep properly hydrated. Lately, I would say the past four days, I have constantly been thirsty, my skin is suuuper dry, my lips are cracking no matter how much coconut oil I use, etc. The first two days I chalked it up to living in cold, dry weather, especially now that the heat is always on in the house. So I upped my water intake, have been taking electrolytes, using extra moisturizer, and keep my showers quick/less hot, but it doesn't seem to be helping at all. I am very afraid of going to the doctor, but fear I may have to if this keeps up. Does anyone have any idea what might be happening, or have any suggestions what helps you stay hydrated?

On mobile, can't flair.

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Something felt off
/u/DoctorFeather1 [5'6" | 130 | 21.4 | -33 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 31 09:08:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r91og/rantrave_something_felt_off/
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I have always been a walker. It is my go-to exercise. Lately, I haven't been walking because of the weather. Yesterday was beautiful so I went for a walk. As I was making my way around campus, I kept feeling like something was off. I couldn't put my finger on it. Something to do with my stride. And then it hit me- my legs weren't touching. At all. I couldn't *make* them touch while walking. And it was making my gait all wonky.

I am pretty excited about this guys!

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[Discussion] Hoping somebody can relate to me on this
/u/ameliasophia [5'4 | 108 |GW: 92| 19.9 | -19 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 31 08:30:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r8tm9/hoping_somebody_can_relate_to_me_on_this/
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So [this scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfne-vqwThw) from SS vs. SS always gets stuck in my head. Particularly the line: 'When you hear that voice in your head saying 'I'll start my diet tomorrow', believe me, that person's out to kill you.'

That scene and that line were always such great motivation to keep going and not give up.

But the other day I wanted to eat more food and that line popped into my head as usual. And something else happened.

> Me: I'm so hungry, I want to eat more food, just this once I'll go back to normal tomorrow

> Other me: When you hear that voice in your head saying 'I'll start my diet tomorrow', believe me, that person's out to kill you.

> Me: So's the voice saying 'don't eat, keep going until you disappear'

And now I'm stuck. Because I don't know anymore which voice is me and which is the one trying to kill me. Maybe it's both of them.

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT/RAVE] look, this probably isn't the place for this but here, with you guys, is the only place I feel safe and I just need advice
/u/ITDIDNTHAPPENISWEA-
Created: Tue Jan 31 08:07:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r8p3r/rantrave_look_this_probably_isnt_the_place_for/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Girlfriends brother bought a scale
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 31 07:28:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r8hew/girlfriends_brother_bought_a_scale/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] (Discussion) do you eat meals that you make or meals that are already made?
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 31 07:23:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r8gid/discussion_do_you_eat_meals_that_you_make_or/
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Basically I've become this hopeless anxiety attack when it comes to food.
Cause on one hand meals I make tend to be healthier in the fact that it's mostly fresh veggies and what not. But I don't have a scale so I can only estimate the calorie count.
However I can totally eat pre packed food like canned soups and Amy's brand because the calories are all right there.

So I was wondering what do you guys do? And do you have suggestions for less horrible premade meals? Or meals that you make that you know the calories for?

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[Discussion] Dating conversations and ED, or, "geez how ridiculous am I"
/u/7_of_cups [5'4 | CW 102 | GW 95 | 17.85 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 31 07:03:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r8cv5/dating_conversations_and_ed_or_geez_how/
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Thought you all might appreciate this, and I needed a good laugh at myself.

I'm trying to get back on my feet after a break-up and got on a dating app at the behest of my best friend, mostly for distraction purposes.

I was messaging a guy and he asked if I had been to one of the local bars and had their ice cream martini. I gut-reacted with "UM ABSOLUTELY NOT".

Needless to say, that conversation did not go much further XD. How about you all, any good dating with an ED stories?

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[Goal] Losing weight by calorie restriction and no exercise (feedback appreciated)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 31 06:58:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r8buz/losing_weight_by_calorie_restriction_and_no/
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[removed]

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[Tip] Low calorie options for those of us in the UK
/u/notthinohno [161cm |Too Much | A Big Number | - Not Enough lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jan 31 06:35:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r87tj/low_calorie_options_for_those_of_us_in_the_uk/
---
I love looking through the food diary thread for ideas, but a lot of things mentioned aren't available in the UK (i'm looking at you, Halo Top...) So, I thought it might be nice for us UK users to share some of our low calorie finds.

Here's my little list:

* weight watchers have just brought out a 171 calorie microwave vegetable curry with cauliflower rice. It's not that spicy, which is a shame, but it's an easy low calorie hot meal.

* a slightly higher calorie weight watchers microwave meal is bolognaise pasta bake at 274 calories, but it's a nice filling main meal

* it was mentioned in a thread the other day - hartley's sugar free jelly pots, the tropical flavour is 2 calories for one 115g pot (amazing)

* Options belgian hot chocolate - 40 calories per mug (that's 11g of powder). It's great for satisfying a chocolate craving.

* Asda caramel rice cakes are 40 calories each, which is 10 less than the snack-a-jacks ones, I believe.

I'm going shopping later so if anyone has any more good finds, please share!

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24 hrs of not lying to myself - check!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 31 06:10:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r83gg/24_hrs_of_not_lying_to_myself_check/
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[removed]

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[Goal] Losing 7lbs, 600-800 cal/day, no exercise
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 31 05:29:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r7wap/losing_7lbs_600800_calday_no_exercise/
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[deleted]

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A January 31, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jan 31 05:08:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r7sr1/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_january_31_2017/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 31, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jan 31 05:08:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r7sq4/daily_food_diary_january_31_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 31, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Intro] Intro :)
/u/lessavauges [5'10 | CW: faaaaat | GW: 126 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 31 04:30:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r7n4r/intro/
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Heya so I've posted here a little before but I'd thought I'd make an intro. I gained over 10 pounds in my first year of uni and I'm sick of feeling this fat and puffy and gross, so I'm restricting until I get down to my goal weight.

I've had an (undiagnosed) ED for about 4 years, it cycles between "never eating again" and "fuck it who cares eat everything in sight"

I'm keen to become an active member of the community, everyone seems hell nice :)

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[Rant/Rave] Rant: Why does he bring home junk?
/u/3inchesshorter [163cm | CW 103kg | BMI 39 | GW 60kg | UGW 50kg]
Created: Tue Jan 31 04:28:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r7mw1/rant_why_does_he_bring_home_junk/
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I'm just needing to rant here. My partner brought home a 24 pack of chicken nuggets and it's all I can do to not binge on them all.

I have eaten my calories today (well 200 over and I'm trying not to think about that otherwise I'll want to go purge it out). He knows what I'm like, why would he leave the box just sitting out open on the counter teasing me???

I'm going to bed, hopefully that room won't smell like nuggets and I'll stop being hungry >.<

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[Other] "Stay skinny" [other]
/u/stinkyoldcheese [5'5 | 114 | 19.19 | -61 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jan 31 03:01:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r7bed/stay_skinny_other/
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I was leaving a small market today when the cashier lady said to me "stay skinny" when I was turning around. It was really weird no one has ever said that to me before... honestly it made me feel good though because this last month has been horrible and I haven't been able to stop eating and she reminded me not to lose all my progress, hard work and I guess to yeah, stay skinny.

Has a stranger ever said anything like this to you ? It was so bizarre where I live people don't say that but I do realize in other cultures it might be common

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[Other] Ran here for10 km with with.until her other girl friends close in,
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 31 00:13:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r6ric/ran_here_for10_km_with_withuntil_her_other_girl/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/6da7451cb396468397eb180e25b02a9f?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=d54ed81feafdd4c54e64fdd36d22d50b

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[Discussion] Does anyone else buy junk food sometimes but refuse to eat it and throw it away?
/u/_saisonenenfer [175cm | not thin :( | M]
Created: Mon Jan 30 23:16:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r6js2/does_anyone_else_buy_junk_food_sometimes_but/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Anyone else have public bathroom anxiety? TMI.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 22:42:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r6ekn/anyone_else_have_public_bathroom_anxiety_tmi/
---
Sunday morning, the plumbing on my apartment floor flooded (found out it's not just my fault luckily, someone had been flushing paper towels).

Anyhow, I haven't pooped since Saturday afternoon and I'm normally a 3x day person. Especially with laxatives every night and coffee in the morning, I pretty much go right when I wake up.

But our toilets still aren't fixed and the plumber isn't coming back until tonight. There really aren't public bathrooms here where you'd get any sort of privacy. I live in a big city and there are always lines in the few bathrooms you find. So even if I found one, it'd be full of people and I'd feel rushed and wouldn't be able to go.

Going to the bathroom is part of my ~morning routine~ and messing with it really makes me anxious. My routine is really important is helping my depression stay above the danger zone. It seems silly to write that my day is ruined because I can't poop, but clearly we know it's different for people with EDs. I normally go for a walk every morning, but it's too uncomfortable to wear pants right now and walking would move things around and make me have to go more.

Send some good vibes that the plumber fixes everything. He says he's coming back today, but didn't give me a time. Slowly dyinggggggg.

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[Discussion] Body Measurements
/u/littlestpiglet [5'2" | CW: 102.4 | 18.9 | UGW: 98 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 22:35:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r6di2/body_measurements/
---
I recently bought a tape measure so I can keep track of my measurements in addition to my weight. I'm hoping that even if the scale isn't really moving, I'll see some progress in my measurements. I'm planning to do them once a week starting this Wednesday and I'll be keeping track of bust, waist, hips, and thighs.

Who else tracks their measurements? How often do you record them and how quickly do they change for you? Which ones do you keep track of? What are your goal measurements? Any tips for how to measure? Tell me all the things!

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[Rant/Rave] I don't sleep anymore and I guess I chew/spit now...blah blah blah
/u/frostbones [5'2 / CW: 86 / GW: 82 / HW: 132]
Created: Mon Jan 30 21:28:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r626n/i_dont_sleep_anymore_and_i_guess_i_chewspit/
---
Sorry my posts here always seem to be rants.

I didn't sleep night before last. I took a 2 hour nap in the morning and then I resolved to just staying up all day to hopefully "reset" my sleep schedule. I went to be at 12am. I woke up at 2am, to the thought "steamed broccoli". That was it. I jolted awake at the thought of steamed broccoli.

Now I'm chewing and spitting my way through a box of mac and cheese. I did this with cookies the other night.

It disgusts me. It's so gross but it feels like almost...a binge/purge compulsion. I'm scared of the guilt of ingesting this, but I can't stop craving the feeling of eating it, so I'm pretending to.

I know I absorb calories from this. But it feels better than binging and purging. More controlled. I know all the health issues associated with it. I just...can't care.

I've been in such a slump lately. My mentality is deteriorating sort of rapidly.

My (torrential) relationship with my mom came to an end recently.

My therapist called to schedule our next appointment (I haven't seen her in months because we usually see each other once a month, but I was on vacation and then she had called out sick the date of my most recent appointment). She asked me how I've been doing. I broke down sobbing and admitted to her that I've been really lost, that I feel like there's no point going on, that I feel like I've been living the same day over and over again, that I'm not even sure I'm really alive. She told me to go watch TV; I told her that perpetuates my sense that my life is redundant. She said to call my GP to get a prescription for antidepressants. She knows I've tried various medications for the last 2 years. She knows all they've done is either make me worse or had no effect at all. I've been very clear I'm not interested in carrying on with them. I'm literally just...on my bedroom floor sobbing into the phone, admitting I have no will to live anymore, and she says "I've given you all the advice I can. It's up to you to take it or not. Can I get off the phone now? I'll call you next week to check in."

I've been in A&E for suicide attempts three times in the last year. I told her I've given up and she...gets an impatient tone and wants to end the call. She didn't even ask if I'm feeling suicidal.

I'm sorry I'm tl;dr'ing this. I'm sorry I say sorry so much. I don't know what to do anymore, except that I know I'm not seeing that therapist anymore.

I've been dead inside for weeks. All I think about anymore is food and my weight and how much I want to eat and not eating. I feel like a robot. I guess part of my wants to be hospitalized, because I'm scared of where this is spiraling, but I don't want to be made to eat. As far as I know, no one knows I'm anorexic. They just know I'm borderline. But, still, hospitalization means meal plans.

And then it's like...if I want to be hospitalized, do I even really want to die? or do is it just a cry for attention, a plea for help? I don't recognize the difference anymore.

Whatever. Chewed up mac and cheese is much more pleasant to look at than cookies. But I still don't really look. I'm just going through the motions, even in these obsessive behaviors I don't want to engage in.

I don't know what the point is. Ugh. I'm so delirious. My head has been pounding for days. I don't think I'm sick. I'm not that thin and I haven't been relapsed for that long, I don't think..like not long enough for my health to be deteriorating. I don't know what it is that's wrong with me...I don't know what I expect to get out of posting this. I guess I just feel alone, lost, chaotic in my head. I guess it's like journaling, which I used to do a lot, but it just feels pathetic now.

I am capable of talking a lot for someone who's so empty.

---

[Help] When is it okay to eat?
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 21:01:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r5xgt/when_is_it_okay_to_eat/
---
Can't flair, on mobile:( maybe help?

I've been eating less than 1000 calories a day for almost three weeks.

Idk how to stop, I get really anxious about food but my body is starting to get exhausted, I tried to up my liquid intake and I don't think it's dehydration.

I can feel my blood sugar is not where it should be but I can't bring myself to eat anything sweet.

Does anyone else go this long eating this little?

I feel like I'm doing something wrong and the dizziness is really really bad in the morning.

---

Happy about my collarbones today. Haven't made much progress but a least there's this.
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Mon Jan 30 19:11:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r5c0y/happy_about_my_collarbones_today_havent_made_much/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/5905c2690e8049e592dfbd3a28bab929?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=2c63dd306ee9ed73c1887f02267a5356

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[Goal] Holy shit i just realized that Im only 10lbs away from being at the weight I was when I was a sophomore
/u/CassTheUltimateBA [5'10 | 163 | 23.4 | 47 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 17:57:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r4xfg/holy_shit_i_just_realized_that_im_only_10lbs_away/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Foods for a uni student to stock their fridge?
/u/forgetyoumusteat
Created: Mon Jan 30 16:40:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r4hjp/foods_for_a_uni_student_to_stock_their_fridge/
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I'm moving into my room next month and I'll have my own fridge and everything. I'm really excited that I'll finally have only my own food, an entire fridge without animal products and stuff.

Any ideas what I should buy on my first shop? Preferably vegan?

I do really want to be healthy and focus on self-care. What does proed think of peanut butter? Because I feel like it's such a high cal thing to have in my own house, but I love that I know how many calories are in pb toast, so it could be a good staple.

I'm thinking spinach, all fruit, bread (in the freezer), almond milk, oats (that reminds me, I need to get a scale).

Also what do you think of potatoes? they are notoriously a "no" food, but maybe baked without oil they are okay? I saw that small potatoes only come in at 100-ish calories.

This year I really want to look after myself. Love you all

---

[Help] Terrified of extra skin
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 16:20:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r4da2/terrified_of_extra_skin/
---
I've finally gotten to the point where I am dropping weight quickly and I'm pretty happy about that. The problem is, it took me getting to 180 pounds before I truly looked at myself and decided to change. I never had to worry about extra skin years ago, as my ED kept me below 115 until I "recovered" and ballooned into the blob I am today.

Now my biggest fear is what will happen when I actually get down to 120 or 110? Will I have a bunch of extra skin just sagging around on me? What can I do??

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[Rant/Rave] I hate being lied to
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 139 | GW: 90 | F/18]
Created: Mon Jan 30 15:59:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r48yy/i_hate_being_lied_to/
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I hate being told how tiny I am constantly by people who know about my ED. They're just lying, trying to make me feel better, because they think that their opinions really matter. I don't care if you think I'm thin; I'm just good at hiding the fat. It's not going to change what I think about myself. What I really hear is "you're not fat! Don't lose weight because then I'll feel inferior to you!"

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[Thinspo] Black and White True Thinspo
/u/MiaWreck
Created: Mon Jan 30 15:33:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r43ku/black_and_white_true_thinspo/
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http://imgur.com/a/TdyYf

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[Discussion] Diet Plans and Schedules Obsession
/u/MiaWreck
Created: Mon Jan 30 15:17:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r3zvm/diet_plans_and_schedules_obsession/
---
So when I was still new to dieting and eating disorders, I was obsessed with scheduling and diet plans. I would create all these diets in an excel spreadsheet and then I'd find diets online, and I'd have a very high success rate I guess because every day that passes by is an accomplishment. For me, it wasn't *interesting* enough to just eat below 700 calories for example. I like the random calories on random days.

Anyway, I always really liked the ABC diet. When I first did it, I modified it to be 250 above. So if I was suppose to eat 500 today, I could eat 750 instead. And I completed this modified version. And then I liked it so much, I did the diet again, but this time, I did the original version. I found it's much better to start a higher calorie diet plan and ease your way until lower calories. For those 100 days, I never binged. The first round of the ABC diet with 250 above, I lost 18 lb. And the second time doing the original, I lost like 12 lb. I think it was less because I was already underweight by then. But yeah it's about 30 lb in 100 days. I was pretty happy with it.

Anyway, what are your favorite calorie schedules/diet plans?

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[Rant/Rave] Pictures and self image (a quick little rant)
/u/MeMyselfAndCarbs [5'3" | 110.6 | 24F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 15:16:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r3zn8/pictures_and_self_image_a_quick_little_rant/
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So after being turned down for a job I really wanted, I decided to give myself a little freedom this weekend. Besides, I had just started my period and someone at work had mentioned my weight loss. I was feeling okay about my weight, and figured two days of eating what I wanted wouldn't hurt me. On Saturday and Sunday I decided to smoke some weed (which I hadn't been doing because I munch like crazy) and eat whatever I wanted.

I ate around 1,800-1,900 calories on Saturday and Sunday each. I wasn't thrilled, but I wasn't beating myself up about it. I know how calories work, and I know that's not enough to put on any real weight in the long run. I was totally feeling fine about all of my weekend decisions. Maybe I was getting better.

THEN this morning my boyfriend took a picture of me . HOLY shit I look huge. I look like I put on 20 pounds. I look like my old self. Now I FEEL huge and I can't stop thinking about everything I've eaten over this whole month. How *every little bite* of something extra was adding up. I'm so aware of how huge my body feels now and I'm too scared to get on the scale.

I guess this is the motivation I needed to get back on track, but I hate how **one** picture at *maybe just a bad angle* has completely ruined my feelings toward myself. Has anyone else experienced something similar?

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[Discussion] Partial program?
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Mon Jan 30 15:14:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r3z6v/partial_program/
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I'm currently outpatient on a meal plan but everyone focuses of the anorexia not the real thing that's fucking up my body, the b/p part of my anorexia. My mum doesn't want me to do partial because she thinks that I'm going to get influenced by the other people in the program to lose more weight as I'm my mums word "I don't want you to be one of those 13 bmi anorexic girls" but I really feel that outpatient isn't enough as I've already stopped following the meal plan and I'm still b/ping everyday. Any advice on how to bring it up at my next appointment that I want to do partial?

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[Help] Foods that look high calorie but are actually low cal?
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 15:03:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r3wqq/foods_that_look_high_calorie_but_are_actually_low/
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I need deceiving looking foods that I can buy that will trick people into thinking I'm getting enough calories. Lol.

Any suggestions are welcome and needed..

I guess I'm bad at hiding things from people at work and at home.. :/ Even with my colitis/digestive issues excuse.

I feel like I'm losing control again, I don't know why people can't just let me do what I want to do...I'm losing weight so I've been in a good mood and happy.

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[Goal] I've made 72 hours, and I'm down to 140.9 from 148.9
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 139.1 | 22.54 | -9.1 | 21F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 14:58:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r3vlm/ive_made_72_hours_and_im_down_to_1409_from_1489/
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So those numbers seem unrealistic, even for a fast with food/water weight, and I forgot, here's my timeline.

On thursday, I binged pretty hard (~3000 calories for the day)

On friday, I ate 355 calories and stopped eating at 5pm

I didn't eat on Saturday

I didn't eat on Sunday

I haven't eaten yet today (Monday @5pm)

So it makes a bit more sense, because including friday, I've had very low days.

I actually feel really great. Today is better than last night. Last night, I thought I would be low enough energy that I would be able to sleep. But I got into bed at 10 and only was able to fall asleep at 11:30. I slept until 3:30am, woke up for a half hour, got back to sleep and woke up again at 4:45am. I just knit until 6am when I had to start my day.

I've been teaching all day today. 9-11am and 1-3pm, and I will be from 7-8pm.

I also want to share some of my productivity and food successes today!

My one student always has a huge bowl of chocolate that she tries to share with me, and she's from Germany so this is some good shit right here guys, you don't even know. Today she had her best out there, but I just looked at it, and it really was not worth breaking the 60-some hours I already had. I then met up with my boyfriend at a brunch place and he had gotten me tea (because he's aware of my ED and supports my decisions, without suggesting harmful things lol). So that was really nice. I also just visited a cafe/bakery and avoided my favorite brownies. I got my oil changed for my car, and then I stopped by a popular gym with tootsie rolls in order to cancel my membership (i have a different gym). For a second I forgot I was fasting and I grabbed a tootsie roll, but almost visibly freaked out as I was unwrapping it and just quickly shoved it in my pocket and threw it out as I left. So proud of myself :D :D :D

I'm also down 8lbs from Friday morning. So I'm super excited to wake up tomorrow! Hopefully I'll see the 130s for the first time since september :D

I think what this means is that I've been underestimating my TDEE, which also means I've been underestimating my food intake, which is shocking to me, but I do need to face the truth and figure out where I'm going wrong with my counting. Because if I decide to maintain, I'm going to need to know how.

I would like to get my hours to 110, which means eating at 7am on Wednesday. As long as I can make it to 5pm on Tuesday, I'm golden, because I work, and there is no access to food, and then I go home and pass out.

Guys you have no idea how excited I am. I've struggled for 24 hour fasts before. I've never even dreamed of a 72 hour+ fast. I usually just struggle to restrict well enough after a binge to just barely maintain. I'm hoping to get to 133 and investigate maintaining. I'm above average with my muscle mass (DEXA scan yo) and I want to basically get that "hardbody" look or the look of a women's physique bodybuilder.

ALSO thank you for those of you who gave me tips yesterday! Most helpful was definitely not trusting farts lmao, so glad someone gave me the heads up XD

I fully expect to gain about 2lbs once i start eating again, but I'd like to have 1200-1400 on Wednesday and Thursday and then see if I can fast again.

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[Thinspo] Thinspo: Natalia Dyer slayed the SAG awards last night
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 14:39:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r3rau/thinspo_natalia_dyer_slayed_the_sag_awards_last/
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https://imgur.com/gallery/fxJau

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo. I'm an ordained minister now.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Jan 30 12:59:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r34l1/daily_thinspo_im_an_ordained_minister_now/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/77caa942561c4748ba82121257f84749?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=57bb073f7a136f9b4876dc99ef9ca4ff

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[Rant/Rave] I met the most perfect girl ever so I spent like a week self-sabotaging, lmao FML
/u/cactuskey [5'0 | CW: 111lbs/chubster | UGW: 77lb | BMI: FAT | 27F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 12:55:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r33t1/i_met_the_most_perfect_girl_ever_so_i_spent_like/
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I'm so sorry, this is so obsessive but my ED brain won't let it go so I had to finally just word vomit it out somewhere to the only place I can.

A friend of one of my roommates came over to help him do cosplay and she is STUNNING. I have plenty of friends who are slim and pretty but I've never met someone who was really, truly thin, gorgeous, and slender like she was.

5'6 or so, narrow frame, dainty small shoulders, perfectly proportioned bust, the just the right amount of taper to her long waist and legs. She looked like she was all smooth skin and just enough muscle to hide her bones, so that she was the shape of her skeleton but never looked "scrawny" or "starved." Just perfect, like an actual angel. Everything the opposite of my barely 5', broad linebacker shoulders, short wide waist, long floppy stretch-marked tits, cellulite ass. I can't even say "at least she has a shit personality" because she was super cool and awesome. We talked nerdy shit and laughed.

As soon as I saw her I knew even if I was 50lbs soaking wet, I'd never look anything like her. Even if I had the iron self-discipline and willpower of an olympic athlete for the rest of my life, nothing will ever change the shape of my short, stocky skeleton.

After she left I shoved my meds into the back of my sock drawer, bought as much chips and chocolate as I could carry, and spent every day afterwards just binging my feelings. I finally snapped out of my stupor today and pulled my hand out of my other roommate's box of cheez its (I fucking hate cheez its). Found my meds and took them. I'm glad my scale is broken because I don't even want to know. Fuck it. Picking up the pieces again... I've been here so many times. I wish I could say this is the last time I'll ever have to pick up the pieces like this, but I know that'll never be true.

The real moral of the story is never post self-congratulatory "things are going so well" threads like my last one before you've really got that shit in the bag, I guess.

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[Rant/Rave] Getting rid of BED and keeping ana.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 30 12:33:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r2yui/getting_rid_of_bed_and_keeping_ana/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] A little sad and a little happy
/u/fyretech
Created: Mon Jan 30 12:20:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r2vm1/a_little_sad_and_a_little_happy/
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Well this weekend was really hard on me as my boyfriend broke up with me. I went to the grocery store to get some energy drinks and apparently breaking up with a butcher makes it very hard to walk into a grocery store without crying. So I left with nothing... I'm glad I'm not bingeing with this breakup and even though we are thru he's helping me be thinner!

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling like a real fucking failure lately
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-76 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 12:05:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r2ryd/feeling_like_a_real_fucking_failure_lately/
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I have gained almost 30 pounds in the course of 2 months. I dont know why Im like this, I dont know where all my motivation went . Im in grad school right now but i have no motivation to do anything and I just am so fucking pissed that Im this big in the first place. Im so disappointed in myself really.

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[Thinspo - TW Cutting] Daily Thinspo. Also I'm an ordained minister now.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Jan 30 11:52:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r2p1p/daily_thinspo_also_im_an_ordained_minister_now/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/0edff0830924462d8aa8daafc52feb8f?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=7602bb5647aa6d522281025f3bb1a632

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I'm scared to dial back exercise and need some advice
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 30 11:50:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r2onm/im_scared_to_dial_back_exercise_and_need_some/
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On mobile, need flair help...

Hey all. I'd love to hear feedback from any of you who are restricting and losing weight at a decent pace without regular, sweaty workouts.

Maybe this seems like a no brainier to some of you. But to me it's completely foreign. I've been doing cardio 3-4x per week, every week, for the past 20 years. I can't even imagine a world in which my only exercise is getting in my 10k steps and maybe doing some squats and planks every other day. But that's the world I'd like to try living in...

Last night I had a realization that made me feel sort of free, yet crippled with anxiety. I realized I've spent the past year killing myself to workout like I used to pre-baby. And I'm getting sweaty...but I'm not getting skinny. To be fair, I think all this exercise probably prevented some weight gain since I've been so careless with calories.

But I'm eating WAY over budget more often than I'm not, and I think I'm subconsciously using the fact that I exercise as a way to justify it 😕

This would be a radical change for me, but I want to give up "planned workouts". I love exercise and I could never give it up wholesale. But I'm sick of going out of my way to fit it in, especially during the work week since I'm a working mom (and I'm the breadwinner).

Help. I'd love to hear from others who are not doing dedicated workouts, especially if you used to be quite active.

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If only a cute little bracelet could stop the ugly head of ED 😅
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 30 11:37:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r2lij/if_only_a_cute_little_bracelet_could_stop_the/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/e3ec7fbca90a4ca1b9c9772e491be1fb?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=573effe3901c565bbc6083ab185cd223

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[Thinspo] Valter Törsleff & Charles Guislain. [Male Thinspo]
/u/95CHOI
Created: Mon Jan 30 11:14:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r2g22/valter_törsleff_charles_guislain_male_thinspo/
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http://imgur.com/Lciq3oe

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[Help] Am I projecting my issues onto my staff?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 30 10:48:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r2a6n/am_i_projecting_my_issues_onto_my_staff/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] 5'4 ladies
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 10:15:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r22gn/54_ladies/
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Just curious: at what weight/bmi did you start to feel skinny?

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[Rant/Rave] Thank you :) <3 And I have gotten through my birthday.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [28/F | SW: 105kg | CW: 51kg | GW 1: 45kg ( UGW: 39.9kg )]
Created: Mon Jan 30 09:55:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r1xpb/thank_you_3_and_i_have_gotten_through_my_birthday/
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Hey all.

I want to say thank you for all your comments on my last post, and I received some lovely PMs too.

I'm sorry I didn't reply personally to any - being blunt, do any of you ever get that feeling when people are being so nice, and you think you don't deserve it, and you have no idea what to say at all and even a 'thank you' seems like too little? Yeah, that. I didn't brush off or ignore any response or PM I got, I promise. I pretty much read everything multiple times... but I just didn't know what to say, or how to say it. But thank you. The biggest thank you ever.

Things still are not great but I hope they are going to get better now. It was my birthday last week which hasn't helped matters, because I was DREADING it for a very long time because birthdays mean food... especially my birthdays for some reason. I was right. Everyone seems to gift me loads of food. Multiple people gifted me entire birthday cakes even. Cakes, cupcakes, chocolate gifts, other food gifts. I'm not even underweight anymore, I'm sure I'm actually just overweight now (still not weighed myself, but from looking in the mirror) but people still seem to really want to feed me. Even my partner who knows about my issues and is usually very thoughtful towards it seemed to think me saying 'If you get me anything food related, please make sure it's small' meant that I wanted like 300g of handcrafted & modelled chocolate (not complaining too much, it's delicious stuff and an impressive gift - my favourite chocolate, actually).

I'm through that now and it's gone. Anything that didn't get eaten by me or others (I pretty much forced people to share, lol), my boyfriend has actually agreed to keep at his house because I told him it was freaking me out, the thought of having it in my house. I still worry about food just BEING there, half because of the risk of me binging on it of course... but nowadays, simply just because it's there at all. Things are pretty messed up. The only thing I feel okay with having around is broccoli. Damn I love broccoli. He says he will bring back the birthday treats when he visits me so I can decide whether to have a little with him there or not for the next few weeks. He is good with me, wants me to eat but does a good job of not making me feel pressured (beyond the buying me a big hunk of birthday chocolate thing :P)

I wanna come back and chat to you guys and I hope that now the whole birthday thing is behind me, since I really was dreading it for weeks, I'll get back to being able to chill a little.

My PT at the gym has quit giving me routines for now. We had a chat and mutually agreed on me having a break, and coming in doing my own thing until I feel better. It's not that I was too weak to keep up as such, I was still eating for it, but every time I went in I was too distracted with everything on my mind and felt pressured to lift.. and then to eat because I needed to lift, which I hated and kept trying to avoid (unsuccessfully). He noticed I wasn't sticking to things properly, and generally wasn't in a good mood. I told him I'm having health issues at the moment. He's totally cool about it and said to go back to him when I want to restart. I feel better about that - mostly feel better about it because it means I don't have to eat to lift heavy. I can take it easy and... not force myself to eat. Which is better for me, in my mind. Bleh.

Phew, anyway. I just wanted to say I'm not gone since everyone was so incredibly nice and it really HAS helped, and re-reading the comments continues to help. I feel so bad for being gone for so long. I'm not really gone though - I'm still here infront of my PC most of the time I'm not working out or with my SO, but just withdrawing. Playing video games, reading etc. I feel bad even just lurking here, it's still really hard to be here for some reason.

I hope you are all well <3 Stay safe... please <3 <3

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[Thinspo] I have to share some morbid thinspo I just saw.
/u/tinybites [5'6" 24F | cw: 142.4 | gw: 115 | -42.6 lbs]
Created: Mon Jan 30 09:27:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r1rbd/i_have_to_share_some_morbid_thinspo_i_just_saw/
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I'm a huge gore / horror / autopsy fanatic, so I liked the page "Autopsy Center of Chicago" on facebook. The page often has live stream autopsies. I was watching one this morning which featured an obese woman. Her insides were so fatty, I mean, SO much fat. It triggered something inside me and I need to lose faster. I can't look like that. Sorry if this is twisted, I just had to share it.

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[Rant/Rave] A bad habit
/u/borrow_our_light [5'7| 134.4lbs | 21.78 BMI | -27.2lbs | F | GW 115]
Created: Mon Jan 30 08:25:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r1dhc/a_bad_habit/
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*sorry on mobile can't flair*

I'm really good when it comes to restricting, my usual is to stay below 600 calories a day with at least 4 days a week eating under 200. But I have figured out a weakness that I cannot break away from.

I love the taste of mtn dew

I know it's a bad thing to drink your calories (I've heard that since I was little) but I just can't stop drinking it. Sometimes it's the only thing I have that day (besides water) and I rationalize that by saying well I will only have these 290 calories today.

I know it's so bad for me in general, so much sugar, and so high in calories for a drink but I just can't stop. Ughh

Rant/rave

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[Rant/Rave] RANT Hit my goal then fucked it up
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 08:10:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r1acp/rant_hit_my_goal_then_fucked_it_up/
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So I set a goal of 20 pounds for the month of January. I knew the last three pounds would be hard but then god shined his light on me and gave me the norovirus. I was puking and shitting water for two days, it was glorious! I hit my goal yesterday morning and decided I would let myself have a treat. I ate half of a chicken, mozzerala, arugula and greens sandwich then had a Bacardi and diet coke.

Got on the scale today and I'm up a pound. Fuck my life.....

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[Discussion] [Discussion] What are your favourite low calorie recipes?
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 06:02:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r0k8g/discussion_what_are_your_favourite_low_calorie/
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0-400cal max per serving. This can range from salads, breads, muffins, meals, sweets, brownies, cakes, meringues, you name it. The lower the calories the better. Feel free to link/post as many as you'd like! The more the merrier.

Here are a few I like!
- [137 cal Salad](https://meteorsrecipies.tumblr.com/post/156369249838/salad-1-½-tbsp-parmesan-cheese-36-3-cups)
- [43-49cal Chocolate Mug Cake](https://meteorsrecipies.tumblr.com/post/156285882573/low-calorie-small-mug-cake-1-egg-white-17)
- [46cal per serving Kale Chips](https://meteorsrecipies.tumblr.com/post/156289298203/delicious-kale-chips-284-cal-total-46cal-approx)

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[Help] Help Me Choose ! (Sushi Dinner Options - 400-600cal)
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 05:44:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r0h5v/help_me_choose_sushi_dinner_options_400600cal/
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This post might even help some of you sushi lovers out.

So I'm doing the 2468 diet and today is my 400cal day. I could switch it with my 600 day and eat 600cal of sushi today, or I could still order 600cal worth and save some for tomorrow since fish is a good source of protein and omega. However idk what I'm doing after getting sushi so it might be better to go with 400cal? Idk

I'm going out with a guy friend who loves sushi and eats a lot and I don't want him to be like wtf you don't eat enough or something, so I chose options that I enjoy and went with the lowest calorie options (sashimi vs nigiri which has rice). My guy friends already judge me enough for usually only eating 6-12 pcs. My ex used to eat around 30! It was nuts how much he could fit in his stomach for such a skinny/average guy.

I made a photo sheet with my options and all the calories, [it can be viewed here](https://imgur.com/a/w5uqD). On this sheet there's V1.1 (400cal option), V1.2 (600 cal option), V2.1 (400cal option), V2.2 (600cal option) and V2.3 (600cal option).

Just wanted to get some opinions or input on which one to choose & also put this out there for other sushi lovers like me!

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[Rant/Rave] I'm staring treatment today and I'm so nervous!
/u/emalina
Created: Mon Jan 30 05:25:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r0dve/im_staring_treatment_today_and_im_so_nervous/
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(Can't flair- on mobile)

I don't post on here much, mostly just read what others have to say. But after 9 years I'm starting a PHP in a few minutes. The silliest part is I'm like "maybe I'll lose weight in a healthy way" like lol

So nervous for all the questions they're going to ask me during intake though

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[Rant/Rave] My Eating Disorder makes me feel human
/u/MiaWreck
Created: Mon Jan 30 05:24:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r0dp6/my_eating_disorder_makes_me_feel_human/
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My parents control me so much that I wonder if I'm even a person. It's not just them, I've always been a pushover. Everyone always walks all over me, and I let them because I think too lowly of myself to defend myself. I always saw people as superior to me, so I could never defend myself.

The little things in my life that I control keep me going. The little To Do lists I make and check off. The little tasks I set. The accomplished feeling of reading another chapter in a textbook. The pretty notes I'll take that are color-coordinated and perfectly neat. Yeah, I like that. I like that a lot.

My parents watch every movement I make. I have no freedom except the freedom to starve. Every time I feel a pang of hunger, it's like euphoria, and I'm reminded once more that I'm a person with a will. That even though I have no control over so many aspects of my pathetic life, I reserve the right to starve.

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! January 30, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jan 30 05:13:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r0bvt/weekly_stats_update_january_30_2017/
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This is the weekly status thread for January 30, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 30, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jan 30 05:13:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r0bv2/daily_food_diary_january_30_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for January 30, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Little rant?
/u/cwalal
Created: Mon Jan 30 04:46:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r07ic/little_rant/
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I'm not sure what to title this. But I really want to share this with someone, and since it's about an ED, I thought I could post it here?
Anyways, my family is mostly descended from Italy, and they are all overweight and eat a lot. But I don't want to. I don't want to be like them. But now that I lost weight, they keep saying that I'm not going to be pretty anymore, that I'm getting too thin and all that shit.
Yesterday was my grandma's birthday, and I had to eat some of the snacks. To make them happy. I felt disgusting, but I did it for them. And when I refused to eat more because i was full?? Nope. You're anorexic. You're crazy, you need to eat.
I'm just so tired. I don't want to eat fatty things. I don't want to. I feel so gross

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[Rant/Rave] hurting (a rant)
/u/dnedna [5'7" | 116.4 | GW:108 | 18.22]
Created: Mon Jan 30 04:30:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r056o/hurting_a_rant/
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Lately more than ever, it feels like my life is falling apart. My boyfriend broke up with me. I'm about to take a year out of university because I seemingly can't get through a day without wanting to throw myself off the nearest tall building. I'm constantly in a state of panic, I've stopped exercising (too scared of Outside), I've relapsed into selfharm. And to make everything worse, I've binged 7000 calories for three days straight, which I can't afford to do when I'm already this fucking fat. I can feel it on me like a second skin. Having bones showing is the only way I feel alive. Fuck eating and eating and eating and saying oh, it's better for you. Fuck trying to be normal around food. Fuck recovery. I'm fasting.

Sorry for the rant, I didn't know of anywhere else I could say it. Pathetic.

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[Help] how do you divert attention away from your weight/eating habits?
/u/ifuckpineapples [5'3" | 100.8 | 17.8 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 04:30:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5r0548/how_do_you_divert_attention_away_from_your/
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recently I've been doing well with fasting and restricting and lost four pounds last week (yay). but now I know I'll have to be coming up against some scrutiny or suspicion since people already think I'm small. hell I just found out that my boyfriend's mother pulled him aside and asked if I was anorexic the first time she met me last month. (I ate half a plate at the restaurant and was about 103 then, I don't even know how to feel about that at all but whatever)

plus I'll be leaving in a few days to spend a week with family abroad and they haven't seen me in person for years. they're going to say I'm so skinny like always and I'm going to want to avoid meals and I'm barely going to be able to without someone prodding me to eat more.

what do you say when people mention any of this stuff? what do?

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[Rant/Rave] Arghhhhhh
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Mon Jan 30 03:21:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qzw9z/arghhhhhh/
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Okay I'm fully expecting to get downvotes on this one becaue I'm gonna be bitchy. But I swear I'm gonna lose my shit if one more person at work tells me I don't need to lose weight and that being skinny is gross or men don't like it, etc. All the freaking cliches you usually hear- and guess what, it's from overweight, out of shape people!! If you're not in peak physical condition yourself, why should I listen to your opinion about what's attractive? Now fuck off and let me eat my veggies in peace. Whew. So sorry, had to get that off my chest.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] can't see weight loss?
/u/saintandserpent
Created: Mon Jan 30 00:30:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qzd3p/rantrave_cant_see_weight_loss/
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I've lost a lot of weight. Like a obese amount of weight: like 70 ponds. I know I have, I see the numbers, I fit into things I used to fit into before meds made me gain weight lose hope and stop caring. I just can't see it. I know I'll have to double that to be "happy" (ha ha).

My husband and everyone comments on it. I can't see it. At all. I can't look at myself

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[Rant/Rave] Small victory, but for right now it's good enough
/u/charredsouls
Created: Sun Jan 29 23:51:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qz849/small_victory_but_for_right_now_its_good_enough/
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For about a month now I've made a concerted effort to quit binging and purging. It's a cycle that is hellish to say the least. Unfortunately, it's been a pretty massive fail. I've been binging at even higher rates than before (and restricting more too), and my gag reflex to purge has been particularly weak, leading to weight gain --> restriction --> binging --> purging. The cycle repeats.

I had tried in the last few weeks to up my daily calories to 1400 - 1800 calories. At this rate, I would lose weight relatively slowly. Every time I tried to do it, though, I would say 'fuck it' and simply binge, as if 1500 calories is the same as 5000 (stupid me, I know).

Well, today I ate 1600ish and stopped. No more, no less. I had this intense desire to eat a bunch more, but I flat out refused and I feel awesome right now. I know it's not some huge victory compared to some of what you all achieve, but for right now, I can't help but finally feel happy about my eating pattern, even if only for a night.

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[Intro] Relapse
/u/vulpixies [5'4" | CW 123 | GW 110 | 23F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 23:35:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qz63c/relapse/
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I told myself 6 months ago that when I wanted to go back vegetarian that it wasn't restriction & I just missed the tastier food options.

I told myself when I started controlling my portion sizes it was just because my room mates cook way too much food & I could take some to work for lunches. I never did.

I told myself when I started looking at thinspo again that it was just to see how far I had come in my recovery.

I told myself when I started losing weight that it was just because I hadn't performed in this months results at work & I was just putting in too many hours & I'd forgotten to eat.

I convinced myself I wasn't relapsing because I was still eating junk food, & so I binged for a month to prove that. But then I became sick, & remembered how good it felt to purge.

 

I really started my relapse 6 months ago, but I am only just recognising that today. I feel so relieved to be back.

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[Intro] Introduction
/u/Caligari- [5'4 | 130lbs | 22.75 | 0lbs | f]
Created: Sun Jan 29 23:12:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qz2w3/introduction/
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I'm sick of not being able to look in the mirror naked, sick of looking frumpy in everything I wear, sick of my jeans cutting into my stomach when I sit down, sick of not being able to control myself around shit food. My lowest weight, around a year and a half ago, was 99. I was happy almost. I actually enjoyed trying on clothes. People told me I was too skinny, and while it was annoying it made me happy. Then something happened. I broke and started eating everything in the world. I've been having fresh starts like every week and I'm done. I'm going to restrict again, I'm going to keep myself accountable. I'm going to be skinny. I have to be skinny.

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I need to warn you guys about "the epic nutrience hunger" and how to deal with it
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 29 23:01:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qz18z/i_need_to_warn_you_guys_about_the_epic_nutrience/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Ok so that was probably too much caffeine – help?
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 144.8 | 20.6 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 23:00:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qz0zw/ok_so_that_was_probably_too_much_caffeine_help/
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tl;dr how to deal with effects of too much caffeine? also i'm a baby


I'm trying to restrict lower than usual today (600) and I just had an entire Rockstar Zero energy drink. I don't usually drink coffee or anything that's more caffeinated than like.... black tea but I figured it'd be a good appetite suppressant and then I absent-mindedly ended up having all of it.


Guys. This was a terrible idea.


I feel buzzy and headachy and unfocused and full of nervous energy. My mouth feels super dry and my stomach hurts for some reason yet at the same time I have an awful craving for chips. Usually I'd just go to bed early and hope to sleep it off but obviously that's out of the question because I just consumed a fucking energy drink what is wrong with me.


Also I feel like a huge baby for even asking this because I literally just had a normal energy drink? that normal people have all the time with no bad effects? But apparently my body can't deal with 240 mg of caffeine so if anyone has advice on mitigating the side effects that'd be amazing.

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[Help] Yogi Healthy Fasting Tea: a discussion with a few questions
/u/DahliaDubonet [SCREAMING INTERNALLY]
Created: Sun Jan 29 22:46:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qyyvo/yogi_healthy_fasting_tea_a_discussion_with_a_few/
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Hello, all! I've been working on an introduction to this lovely community (social anxiety sneaking its way onto my time on the internet? Perish the thought) but I actually have a bit of a burning question for you wonderful souls.
 

I'm an herbal tea addict: literally an entire cabinet in my kitchen is full to bursting and yet I only just discovered the Yogi Healthy Fasting Tea after browsing on their site out of boredom. I also love a good fast so to combine the two is a daydream I had never allowed myself before.
 

Now, my question is this: has anyone used this before? I do love a good tea fast but there are some blends that left me more hungry than I had before the cuppa and it always drives me insane. Just curious if anyone has come across this product and what they thought of it.
 

Hope everyone is having a good night!

 

*Edit: because formatting is hard.*

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[Help] Protein shake recommendation?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 29 21:21:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qylbi/protein_shake_recommendation/
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[deleted]

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[Thinspo] I've been accumulating a ton of thinspo on my Pinterest style board, so here's some of it!
/u/artgonaut [5'1 | 104.4 | 19.9 | +25 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 21:10:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qyjdq/ive_been_accumulating_a_ton_of_thinspo_on_my/
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http://imgur.com/a/6KYTp

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[Goal] Ice cold
/u/Castoroilexperiment [5'6 | 95 | 29F| 17]
Created: Sun Jan 29 20:44:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qyep9/ice_cold/
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I've been eating at 1700 calories a day for a few days now. Supposedly I will gain 0.5 pounds a week doing that. I
am below 100 pounds- 98 actually, my husband says I am way too skinny and I agree sometimes. I'm too old, it makes my face look gaunt and like shit.

My main motivation though is the cold. The cold is the worst, just being unbearably cold down to your bones for months and months. I sit on a heating pad, wrapped with a heated blanket wearing long underwear under my clothes. I can't hardly play with my kids. I just want to be able to function.

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[Discussion] How do you recover from a binge?
/u/hallelujah-money [5'6|SW 181|CW 148.6 |GW 125|19F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 19:47:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qy4n6/how_do_you_recover_from_a_binge/
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I've entered a binge cycle, fml.

Tomorrow I'm going to try to stop it and do some damage control. Anyone have any tips on how to not feel like total shit tomorrow?

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[Goal] Never thought I would be able to post anything positive here, but.....
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Sun Jan 29 19:39:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qy322/never_thought_i_would_be_able_to_post_anything/
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This weekend I met one of my first weight goals, to be under 150 pounds!! I weighed in at 149, which is close enough for me. Next goal: 130! I almost cried. I couldn't do this without the support of this community. Y'all keep me going. Thank you so much for everything ❤️️

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[Other] Just something bothering me...sorry if this offends anyone
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 29 17:51:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qxh8r/just_something_bothering_mesorry_if_this_offends/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Best mistake I ever made
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 17:30:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qxcur/best_mistake_i_ever_made/
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Over the course of my ED I've learned that the scale begins to not matter as much as how my clothes feel/look in the mirror/comments from others. With body dysmorphia I find I never look good enough and people don't usually comment enough for it to be a proper gauge, so usually I just rely on clothes. I was feeling super discouraged Bc I put on a new pair of pants I bought and they felt super tight. I was so sad thinking I had gained weight Bc they were the size I always got. Then, this morning when I got them out of the dryer to fold, I looked at the tag and realized I had accidentally bought them not one but two sizes too small by mistake. A stupid mistake I know, but it's oddly comforting. Here I was this whole time beating myself up only to find everything wasn't as bad as I thought.

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[Discussion] "I could never be anorexic[or have disordered eating], I love food too much!"
/u/w-a-m-s
Created: Sun Jan 29 17:12:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qx8zs/i_could_never_be_anorexicor_have_disordered/
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I HATE it when people say this whenever eating disorders come up. I get it, they're trying to be relatable and quirky but honestly I'm so sick of it. The majority of people like junk food because your body craves it, and I feel like these people don't understand that when super healthy people don't eat it it doesn't mean that they don't like it, it means that they most likely have self control over what they eat. Not that I'm saying anorexia/disordered eating is healthy, but I'm getting so fed up with people thinking that not eating junk food means that you don't like it. Sorry if this made no sense lol

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[Help] Well this is embarrassing
/u/daeboo [5ft1/81lbs]
Created: Sun Jan 29 17:07:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qx7ng/well_this_is_embarrassing/
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I am so sorry if anyone I know IRL sees this. Everyone else, any and all help would be appreciated. I realize that this is the internet, but I've done some frantic googling and also plan to call poison control later if necessary.

I am pretty sure that this qualifies as an overdose. 14 5mg tablets of generic bisacodyl, two tabs of senna, 5 tablespoons of milk of magnesium, and two cups of senna tea. Absolutely no effect, been over 12 hours, some of these were taken over the course of the past 12 hours, and amidst a horrific 30 hour binge marathon (the largest amount of food I've eaten in two days :/

Again, any advice/experiences/educated guesses would be so, so appreciated.


UPDATE: Thank you for everyone's replies and concerns...As luck would have it, not long after I posted this, Satan started fucking with my abdomen. It was not a fun a night, I probably slept intermittently and cried the rest of the time. Thankfully I'm not dead or irreparably damaged.

Hopefully my suffering serves as an example to anyone considering going over the safe dose of lax.

UPDATE #2: I was cleaning through my remaining lax supplies/empty wrappers and it appears that I took 22 bisacodyl, nearly double the amount I thought. So despite my thinking that they had "no effects", it appears that I was clearly not thinking straight when I initially posted this. Again, lax abuse is not good. Please do not touch it.

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[Rant/Rave] Overheard in the locker room...
/u/EmpireStateBitch [5'4" | CW 120 | GW 115 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 17:05:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qx79b/overheard_in_the_locker_room/
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A girl talking about how she's lost 13 lbs without trying. She's going to go see her doctor, because she's been eating a ton and still dropped from 125 to 112. I've been stuck at 120 for like 6 months, restricting like crazy, working out like crazy... I'd kill to be 112. Jealous jealous jealous.

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[Rant/Rave] The bi-monthly 'I'm going to be moderate and healthy' lie that I tell myself.
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 17:00:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qx6dz/the_bimonthly_im_going_to_be_moderate_and_healthy/
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Every couple month my brain goes "You know what? Im done with this. I deserve to eat like a normal and be moderate and be healthy and I'm gonna eat large quantities of CARBS even though my body physically can't digest them without pain anymore and things will be great and I definitely won't regret this in two days".... and then I regret it.

Its not even a binge, because its this deliberate shift that I am for some reason ok with for a few days. and then the dread and panic and anxiety set back in and I am left bloated and headache-y and covered in 1000 lbs of water weight.

Ugh. When will I learn?

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[Help] Why am I so hungry?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 15:27:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qwmwl/why_am_i_so_hungry/
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I've been dealing with a sorta permanent hunger for a while, then it got better, but now it's ridiculously bad. I'm tired and I feel on the brink of fucking death. I'm eating maintenance and very high-volume and high protein(think 1kg of Greek yoghurt) but nothing satiates me for more than an hour. Can I have gone hypermetabolic?

I went eight hours without food two days ago and I think that's what triggered it. Ugh.

Edit: I broke and ate some oil-covered pasta with my hand. I feel horrible, but it worked. Hunger is gone. Dammit carb-hunger...

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Jeans and mothers (but not mom jeans!)
/u/daughterofpolonius
Created: Sun Jan 29 15:09:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qwj0j/rantrave_jeans_and_mothers_but_not_mom_jeans/
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Just wanted to say a real quick thank you for those of you who posted with so much support for me on my post on Friday. Because of you guys, I was able to keep my fast, and I didn't eat any food until Saturday evening!! Thank you SO much to all of you who responded with encouraging words. You guys are all absolutely wonderful people ❤️

Ok so! Today I have a true rant and rave for you all. First the rave: I went shopping, which is always nightmare fuel, and I actually ended up buying the smallest size jeans I've EVER bought! It's not anything to write home about, size 6, but considering how I was a size 16/18 at my biggest, this was a huge deal for me! I may never take them off ❤️

I texted my mom to tell her; I only get to see her a couple times a month and couldn't wait to share the victory/success with her. She texted back saying "you're getting too tiny!" I took it as a compliment and replied with a thank you. I guess that was a mistake? She texted back "your dad and I have decided you do not need to lose additional pounds."

WAT.

I'm a size 6, lady! Decidedly average. I had no idea how to respond, because I have full intent to lose another 40 pounds and get down to 105 or a little less. Ok, let's be honest, I'd love to be under 100. BUT STILL.

How do you respond to people (especially parents) telling you you shouldn't lose any more weight? I'm about to turn 28, so it's not like my mother has any say so in how much weight I do or do not lose, but I'd really like to avoid having those conversations at all.

Much love to you guys!! Happy Sunday ❤️

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[Help] 48 hours into my fast, what next?
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 139.1 | 22.54 | -9.1 | 21F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 15:09:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qwj09/48_hours_into_my_fast_what_next/
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Hey! sorry for posting so much, but this part of disordered eating is actually very very new to me.

How many of you have carried on fasts longer than 2 days? What have your experiences been like? What really helped you get through it? What was the longest you've fasted? Are there any inherent risks for a healthy bmi person? Right now I tend to be kind of slow to respond to things and my fingers are frozen (doesn't help that my mom keeps the house at 61 degrees and it's sub freezing outside). Tips? (not diet tips, but mostly how to just keep living as normally as possible during this, as I try to extend it to 3 days)

---

[Thinspo] Ksenia Solo is so tiny and elegant
/u/shimmergolightly [5'6" | 120.6 | 19.47 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 15:03:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qwhre/ksenia_solo_is_so_tiny_and_elegant/
---
http://imgur.com/a/1x0LG

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[Discussion] Non-obvious thinspo accounts on Insta?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 29 14:17:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qw7lg/nonobvious_thinspo_accounts_on_insta/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] I'm a HEAVY drinker
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 14:06:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qw52i/im_a_heavy_drinker/
---
And my food cals are 950 or under. I've been losing. I don't count alcohol. And I usually only drink whiskey but today I had 2 draft blue moons (cause yummy) and we were at Mellow. I had that huge greek salad with no dressing, I ate the whole thing 'cause my ass fat. I guess I just wanted to ramble but also talk about alcohol and weight loss. It really hasn't affected my weight...Maybe. There's so much inconclusive shit on the interwebz. I know it slows the metabolism and I know "drunchies" are a huge factor but I don't eat when I drink. I have my set meals. Today was different for me cause we were having lunch with old friends so I had my beers and salad with a 265 calorie breakfast. What do yall think? I figure I should continue not caring about my booze cals given how much I drink but idk. I'm not giving up drinking anytime soon. Thoughts?

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[Discussion] I really love and appreciate you all and I want you to know that you mean more to me than you could possibly imagine
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 52.5 kg | 19.28 | 18 f]
Created: Sun Jan 29 13:55:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qw2ct/i_really_love_and_appreciate_you_all_and_i_want/
---
You know what I love about this subreddit? The deep sense of belonging I feel being here.

When the rest of the friend group goes to McD and I get a coke and they bitch at me for not eating. When the class goes out and gets shitfaced drunk and I'm the designated driver because 'lazyfawn is too pure to drink'. When my best friend invites me out for free dinner at the restaurant she's working at. All those.. Things.. That take up so much of my brain power. All the small nags throughout day.

The freedom this sub gives me. It is a space for me to be all parts of myself. No need to hide such a huge part of me, no need to explain why I ate only oatmeal for the 48 hours I was at your place, no need to justify not eating that samosa, no need to tell you why I walk consistently at eight pm sharp every evening.

You guys don't question it. You accept and welcome me into the community with the warmest embrace I could possibly imagine. I just really fucking love you all

---

[Rant/Rave] The worst part of having an ED
/u/artgonaut [5'1 | 104.4 | 19.9 | +25 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 13:31:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qvxea/the_worst_part_of_having_an_ed/
---
The loneliness.

I'm so isolated at school -- due in part because I push away other people on days I can't handle interaction (which is almost every day). I close myself off to nearly everyone. I feel so hollow inside and I think people can sense it, so they stay away.

At least I have you guys, though :)

---

[Thinspo] Thinspo!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 29 13:03:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qvrhi/thinspo/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Anyone here fux with Apple watch or Fitbit?
/u/schoolgirlqt [5'6.5" |120lbs| BMI:19 |21F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 12:13:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qvgzo/anyone_here_fux_with_apple_watch_or_fitbit/
---
My apple watch is on its way and i'm super excited to be able to track my activities and accumulate some data on calories in and out. any tips or apps to recommend?

no flair/mobile-discussion

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] She thought I was concerned, but I was just jealous (Now posted on the correct day :D )
/u/myb00bsaregreat [66 | 124 | 20.2 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 11:48:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qvbur/she_thought_i_was_concerned_but_i_was_just/
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https://i.redd.it/0onuntfs5pcy.jpg

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun Jan 29 11:33:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qv8u1/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/8d3341c79a5b4c0e90b5b1367ecafc62?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=1083d4fc755d2f522957e34f91ad27a9

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[Goal] No more purging starting tomorrow...I swear
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 29 10:57:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qv1j0/no_more_purging_starting_tomorrowi_swear/
---
[deleted]

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[Goal] I need to start again
/u/TummyRumblz [5'8" | CW:152| LW: 146 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 10:17:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qute4/i_need_to_start_again/
---
I binged for two weeks and I need to get back on track. I've gained 3-5 pounds (I'm not sure because I'm too afraid to get on the scale). I threw out all of my alcohol and bad snacks and replaced them with diet soda and coconut chips.

I need to get to get my control back.

---

[Goal] Finally got my BMI into the teens!
/u/rosepurplesoup [5'10" | 131| 18.33| -52 | F 🌻]
Created: Sun Jan 29 09:54:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5quord/finally_got_my_bmi_into_the_teens/
---
This is still wayyy too big, but it's been a few years since my BMI hasn't started with a two. I never plan to go above unless I'm pregnant ever again.

I got onto the scale today to find out I was a pound lower than last week despite binging the past two days, so it was unexpectedly amazing. I feel so motivated to go even further!

---

[Discussion] Cannabis: yay or nay?
/u/pussystrongerthangod [168cm | 119lb | 19.2 | vegan cow | F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 09:45:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qun0d/cannabis_yay_or_nay/
---
I have eaten badly 3/7 days this week. And I'm blaming it on the fact that I've been smoking.

Weed makes my head go all fuzzy and my stomach rumble relentlessly and I end up inhaling a million calories in a very short space of time.

This past week has been a total waste of time and effort and now I feel disgusting and jiggly and puffy.

The worst day this week I ate a giant bag of crisps (800c) and then failed to puke it all back up again (I started gagging and was paranoid people could hear me… weed paranoia!). It’s so pathetic thinking about it.

I’ve been running quite a bit to try and balance out my messing up but running when high is such a butt ache! I found pacing myself and remembering to breathe(!) difficult.

I will never smoke weed again. Ever. I feel so terrible for thinking I could control myself. When I don’t smoke I go back to normal, not wanting to eat too much, feeling sick if my stomach is full etc etc. But when I smoke, I’m a demon. Calories go in, guilt and loathing come out. *rinse, repeat.*

So! How do you feel about weed? Does it turn you into a ravenous monster and eat everything in your kitchen? Or can you control yourself and actually enjoy being high?

*part rant, part discussion*

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[Rant/Rave] Platos closet is bae
/u/erilaz- [5'7 | CW: 160 | GW: 110 | -60lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 08:47:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5quca7/platos_closet_is_bae/
---
On mobile but flair as rave

My jeans are way too loose to be comfortable in(size 14 and 12) but I don't want to invest in new clothes until I'm at my goal weight.

So I stopped into platos closet(a consignment shop ish) and they were having a clearance event. I got a size 10 pair of Levi skinny jeans for 5 dollars and I am so excited. They're a little tight around the waist but that just means I can keep them for longer

So that is my happy moment of the day. Those of you that have a platos closet should deff go! I got goal clothes as well without feeling bad buying something I can't wear right now. The place is honestly a godsend

Have a great Sunday y'all!!

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Just hit an underweight bmi. Expectations vs. Reality
/u/alonelyturd [5'0 | 93.8 lb]
Created: Sun Jan 29 08:46:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5quc3u/just_hit_an_underweight_bmi_expectations_vs/
---
I wanted to look like a delicate little [papillon](http://www.smalldogplace.com/images/xpapillon-dog.jpg.pagespeed.ic.GvLsMZj7zV.jpg). But instead I just look like [a bulldog, but with ribs](http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r320/camaro4lifez28/IMG_5193-1.jpg).

-_____-

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] At least Oatmeal gets me as to why it's hard to diet
/u/russianfrank
Created: Sun Jan 29 08:21:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qu7rr/at_least_oatmeal_gets_me_as_to_why_its_hard_to/
---
http://imgur.com/lIuDAhF

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[Other] When the ED screams at you for something other than food (rave)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 29 08:06:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qu5cn/when_the_ed_screams_at_you_for_something_other/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Sunday morning motivation💫
/u/shimmergolightly [5'6" | 120.6 | 19.47 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 07:59:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qu42i/sunday_morning_motivation/
---
I binged last night on Taco Bell. It was bad. Small binge, but still bad. Well. This morning, I was going to continue my bad habits and buy a biscuit from my favorite coffee shop along with a coffee. I stopped in and saw that this girl I basically idolize was working. She's about 5'3" and tiny, like a little bird. She's drop dead gorgeous, in an ethereal way. The moment I saw her, I knew I wasn't getting a damn biscuit. I got my coffee and rushed home to take my Bronkaid. 👌

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[Help] studying + lowcal
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | 170lb | M]
Created: Sun Jan 29 07:44:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qu1jc/studying_lowcal/
---
The only way I can keep myself from binging at this point is an unhealthy amount of time devoted to studying--there are worse things, I know. The problem, though, is that I *can't fucking concentrate.* If I start eating I'll fuck up, but if I stay in mini-fast mode my brain is screaming "CARBOHYDRATES," not waves and oscillation.

• How do I study on low calories?

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[Help] Intermittent fasting made me plateau?
/u/tinybites [5'6" 24F | cw: 142.4 | gw: 115 | -42.6 lbs]
Created: Sun Jan 29 07:37:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qu0m3/intermittent_fasting_made_me_plateau/
---
Hey everyone. So I'm fairly new to "structured" fasting and have been doing the 16:8 fast for a week now. Hoping this will help me put an end to night time eating (which it totally has) and also keep my calories down low. I've been eating around 600-800 calories and haven't lost a single pound in a week. I'm really losing stream. While this is really helping me eat less, I've really seen no results. I'm at a loss, am I doing something wrong?

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[Discussion] How are serving sizes determined?
/u/symptomatic_basic [5'7" | CW 127 lbs | BMI 19.82 | -36 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 07:29:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qtzed/how_are_serving_sizes_determined/
---
Hi Everyone! This is going to be long, so hunker down, but I think it will be interesting to people. I got in this conversation on the discord and thought it would be of use to share here!

Backstory: I'm an epidemiologist. Basically what that means is I track diseases and behaviors and try to figure out why people get sick on the population level. Anyways, I took a class in Nutritional Epidemiology when I was in my Master's program. Because, obviously haha. We talked about where all the calculations came from that determine caloric intake.

The National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES) is conducted every year in the US. It samples around 5,000 people, selected to be representative of the US population. The survey examines dietary behaviors, exercise, health conditions, and general behaviors. It's very extensive. Survey participants have a full physical examination including body measurements, blood panels, all that jazz. Participants also have an extensive interview about behaviors and foods, and keep a food log to determine accurate intake. Measures are taken to ensure food is accurately counted (because true intake is SO hard to measure, but I digress...)

ANYWAYS, in the US serving sizes became required on food in 1994. The number of calories that is posted on foods as a serving size is based off NHANES data from 1978-1988. Serving sizes were calculated based on the average amount that a person ate AT THAT TIME. So... the average American ate 1 oz of potato chips at one sitting between 1978-1988. That's it. That's where that number came from. It's based on the average amount an American ate at one sitting.

The 2,000 calorie recommended intake was the same way. That was the average amount of calories Americans ate in one day based on NHANES data between 1978-1988. That's it. It's not based on science or doctors/epidemiologists actually calculating what people's caloric needs are. It's all based on averages. If you want to peruse the NHANES website, it's here:

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nhanes/about_nhanes.htm

I love this kind of stuff, I'm a huge data person. I hope this was helpful and enlightening to people!

Tl;dr Serving sizes are based on average American consumption between 1978-1988

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[Rant/Rave] My bulimia just clogged up a whole floor of my apartment building plus bonus embarrassment.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 06:29:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qtr8h/my_bulimia_just_clogged_up_a_whole_floor_of_my/
---
I've been in my apartment since August and purged at least once a day during that time through December. I haven't purged in a month, but the building plumbing isn't letting me forget.

I didn't know how narrow French plumbing pipes were and probably would have been more careful. But apparently everyone's toilets completely flooded their apartments this morning (including mine) and the building manager said someone had been flushing food down the toilets for a while.

Whoops. It'll be all cleared up by the end of the day, but not after me spending hours try to clean up my apartment floor. And since it's Sunday, all the stores are closed and I can't get anything more to help wipe up. So I used all my bed sheets and blankets, which are now soaked in the shower.

Moral of the story, mind yo pipes.

Added bonus: Anyone else have some visual inspiration? I have various sayings and numbers taped to the inside of my medicine cabinet. I figured since I'm the only one who uses it, it's safe. No one else comes in my apartment and the guy who fixes anything will have no reason to look in there.

Boy I was wrong. My landlord (aka my boss) was seeing if the electricity was working right in the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet to check the light switch. He speaks basic English, but I'm hoping he didn't have time to read or process what I taped up. I was mortified.

I have to leave my apartment for a few hours and he said they're coming back. I put everything in my apartment that is personal inside my suitcase and shoved it under my bed.

---

[Goal] Down 6.2lbs since beginning my diet/fast!
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 139.1 | 22.54 | -9.1 | 21F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 05:37:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qtkzy/down_62lbs_since_beginning_my_dietfast/
---
I know a lot of it is the whoosh you get when you first drop weight, but I'm down to 143.7 from 148.9 on Friday morning! I've made it my goal to just not eat until I see something in the 130s. I'm thinking with my retail job + yoga + lifting, that might be as early as Wednesday morning

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jan 29 05:08:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qthq5/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
---
Happy Sunday January 29, 2017~

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 29, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jan 29 05:08:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qthpg/daily_food_diary_january_29_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 29, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] What would you choose? from willyoupressthebutton.com
/u/tinycat1 [165cm| 56kg | 20F | GW: 45KG]
Created: Sun Jan 29 03:38:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qt8l1/what_would_you_choose_from/
---
https://i.redd.it/lx2edolmqmcy.png

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[Intro] Intro - New here, not sure I fit
/u/3inchesshorter [163cm | CW 103kg | BMI 39 | GW 60kg | UGW 50kg]
Created: Sun Jan 29 02:06:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qszt8/intro_new_here_not_sure_i_fit/
---
Hi all

Not sure I belong here, but I just want to say hi and thank you all for the help and support I've felt so far. I have a food addiction with a BED and b/p cycle going on. I hate it, I just want to be skinny, but I keep messing life up.

I know I'm a lot bigger than most of you lovely guys and gals on here, but I'm wanting to find ways to live with and cope with my disorders so that I can lose weight and live a normal life. I've been loving the low-cal food options you share and the awesome support you all have for each other.

Let me know if this isn't the sub-reddit for this kind of issue.

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[Rant/Rave] (Sort of long) A lot has happened in my life these past few months and I just needed to vent.
/u/Kinglens311
Created: Sun Jan 29 01:43:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qsxmr/sort_of_long_a_lot_has_happened_in_my_life_these/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qswxy/sort_of_long_a_lot_has_happened_in_my_life_these/?ref=search_posts&utm_source=ifttt

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[Rant/Rave] My mom has bulimic tendencies
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 01:39:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qsxa2/my_mom_has_bulimic_tendencies/
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Okay, so I don't know about your toilets, but mine can't really flush vomit completely. There's always little 'chunks' of vomit in the water. So, over the last two months or so, I've been finding these 'chunks' in the toilet water. I'm not a frequent purger(its been at least half a year, and even then, it was more the exception than the rule) So, somebody would've had to be vomiting regularly *for the last two months*

Insert my mom. Major food issues, I remember her going on fasts when I was a kid, frequent binge-eater, has short bursts of dieting all the time, very emotionally unstable.

There's not really any other options. I feel like I've been so fucking blind. It makes so much sense.

Give me a rant flair

---

[Rant/Rave] (Sort of long) A lot has happened in my life these past few months and I just needed to vent.
/u/almightylurker [5'1" | 150 | 27.96 | -65 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 29 01:36:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qswxy/sort_of_long_a_lot_has_happened_in_my_life_these/
---
My life is simultaneously falling apart and coming into place and I honestly have no idea how to feel.

When I was 7 my grandpa died, when I was 14 it was my dad. On November 22nd of last year my brother died. He was only 23. Out of everyone in my family, he was really the only one who knew about and understood my ED because he lived it. He lost 80 pounds in one year by eating a head of lettuce and around 2 bowls of cereal every single day and kept every pound off, even losing a bit more over the years. Any time I had a bad binge episode or was feeling shit about breaking a fast, etc., he was there for me with words of encouragement and advice. Besides that, he was my best friend, my idol, my everything.

Just one week before Christmas my mom had a stroke. She's currently waiting on a surgery that she only has a 50% chance of surviving and if she doesn't go through with it, she has no more than a year left to live.

The bright side of all of this, the only thing that's numbing my pain, is my boyfriend. We've known each other since 5th grade, dated for like a month in 9th then I realized how fucking gay I was and never talked to him again (lmfao) until October of last year and we started dating again right after. First time I brought him home my brother had a monkey wrench sitting next to his desk just in case he had to whack his knees out. He ended up loving him. My boyfriend knows about my ED and while he doesn't completely get it, which is totally understandable, he supports me either way. We talk happily about how small I'm going to be once I reach my goal weight, how cute I'm going to look in the clothes I'm going to buy, and all the while still making me feel beautiful as I am now.

While I haven't gained any weight back, I have been maintaining for too long. I need to get back on track. I need to make this year mine. I am going to have a tiny waist, defined collar bones, and a thigh gap. I am going to be small. I think I deserve at least that.

---

[Discussion] Peach app
/u/tokkibun [5'8 | 110 | GW: 104 | NB-afab]
Created: Sun Jan 29 00:19:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qsowh/peach_app/
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Who here uses the app Peach? I was scrolling and saw a post from two weeks ago and added some of you (totally new to the app and have no friends yet haha). My username is: tokibun

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[Thinspo] mixxmixx clothing model thinspo
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jan 28 22:26:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qs9kf/mixxmixx_clothing_model_thinspo/
---
https://imgur.com/a/3XYzH

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[Tip] Buying things as incentives when you lose weight
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 28 22:00:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qs5nd/buying_things_as_incentives_when_you_lose_weight/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Binge-ish day
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" | 200 lbs | 29.5 | 30 lbs| Male]
Created: Sat Jan 28 21:55:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qs4wx/bingeish_day/
---
Sorry no flair, I can do it when I get to a computer.

My husband was really upset today and he's been good about his own (healthy) diet, and so to cheer him up I suggested we go out to eat. He loves Mexican food and he didn't really want to go (because he knows I was just going to eat to make him happy) but he said yes and is feeling lots better after a day of food and fun.

I wish I could say the same :/

I had a great day but can't stop thinking of all those calories in that one meal (after I had eaten my allotted 400 calories already, too!)

I'm glad I could cheer him up, though.

---

[Tip] Favorite low calorie things to snack on so you're always chewing on/drinking something?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 28 21:41:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qs2v6/favorite_low_calorie_things_to_snack_on_so_youre/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Egg white extravaganza! !!!
/u/Castoroilexperiment [5'6 | 95 | 29F| 17]
Created: Sat Jan 28 19:59:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qrmle/egg_white_extravaganza/
---
I finally managed to make "meringue" in cookie form. I still like it raw, but I like to have options. If you read my post history you can see my extensive love affair with egg whites. For 4 egg whites (about 70 calories) I had a whole sheet of cookies! The secret was the xantham gum.


https://web.archive.org/web/20160319151903/http://vanillabeanlean.com/2011/07/egg-puffs-galore-4-flavor-variations


I have a few more weird recipes that I've found I might post at a later time if anyone is interested. I'm a fatass, I like to volume eat.

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binged today.. cheer me up? :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 28 19:48:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qrkuc/binged_today_cheer_me_up/
---
[deleted]

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[Intro] crawling back
/u/queen-serene [5'3.5"| 206lb | 35.9 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 28 19:36:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qrizo/crawling_back/
---
I'm crawling back to you guys, after morphing into a whale. In short, I was restrict/binge/purging but still gaining wait, so I tried recovering (lmao). I gave up purging rather quickly, but hung on to bingeing. I then gave up on restricting, but not bingeing. I finally gave up bingeing, but it was too late. Between that and my medications, I've gained like 70 lbs. Everytime I look at my self I feel shame and hatred. My dietitian told me I couldn't diet to lose weight (even though I was LITERALLY obese!) and be in recovery, so I quit. I'm back to restricting, though not as much as before. I find if I still eat a moderate amount of calories, with an occasional "cheat" meal, then I'm not as tempted to binge. I'm going to settle in at 1200 a day and see where that takes me. At such a high weight, it's already made a difference. I'm trying to give myelf time to lose it, but it's hard when I find myself so revolting.

tldr; if I hate myself so much, might as well at least be thin

---

[Rant/Rave] First time 24+hr fast!
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 139.1 | 22.54 | -9.1 | 21F]
Created: Sat Jan 28 19:05:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qrdzf/first_time_24hr_fast/
---
So right now I'm at 29 hours! I've never gone more than a day and usually I just manage to restrict really well, but I'm hoping that this is a new trend for me, because I love how empty I am. So far it's been no work whatsoever, which is also new! I've just got my Powerade zero and Splenda and tea! I feel so above it all :)

I love you all! Ugh again, just so so happy to be back

Edit: can't flair cause mobile but this is definitely a rave

---

[Help] [Help] Probably gonna be using a cross trainer tomorrow, I have no idea what I'm doing though.
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Sat Jan 28 17:34:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qqyv2/help_probably_gonna_be_using_a_cross_trainer/
---
We have one that's been burried under a pile of crap for months, barely used since it's been bought, I've never used it. My mum says we can dig it out tomorrow so I'll get to use it, but I've got no clue really what they are. I don't want to build muscle, I only want to burn calories. Are they right for that? Also, how long is a good amount of time to use it for before taking a break? How many times a day/week? I don't really exercise so any advice would be appreciated, I don't want to cause myself unnecessary damage. Also I'm planning on fasting tomorrow but I ate loads today so as long as I drink water loads I should be alright, right? Any other advice that I haven't directly asked about would be appreciated :) Thanks

---

[Discussion] I personally love watching health documentaries to keep me motivated. Anyone else?
/u/depressionbunny [5'6" | 138 | 22.6 | -12 | FM]
Created: Sat Jan 28 17:14:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qqv63/i_personally_love_watching_health_documentaries/
---
I just watched "That Sugar Film" on amazon prime.

Basically, the guy did a "supersize me" type experiment on himself, except instead of eating MacDonald's, he ate a lot of sugar, and tracked the effects with doctors. Thing is, he didn't even eat typical sweets and candies. His goal was to consume 40 teaspoons of sugar a day, but there was so much sugar in all the regular meal type foods (cereal, pasta sauce, stir fry, etc.), that he maxed out his 40 teaspoons before he could even get to dessert!

Weirder still, while his calories and exercise was pretty much the same, he gained a lot of body fat. Before the experiment, he ate mostly vegetables, meat, seafood, nuts and seeds. He was quite trim and attractive.... After the experiment he'd gained quite a bit of weight especially around his midsection, even though his total calories were pretty much the same. This begs the question about how our body metabolizes various types of macros. As if not all calories are created equal, and are used differently by our bodies.

Throughout the film, there were amazing explanations about how sugar is converted into body fat.

I've always been so self conscious about my tummy. And when he added sugar to his diet, it was mostly visceral fat that he gained.

So, I've decided to get more diligent about not eating sugar.

I just want a super tiny waist. I JUST WANT IT, OKAY?!

---

[Rant/Rave] skipping something i really want to do with someone i really want to see, all because of food
/u/anorexic666 [5'4 | CW: 90.6 | LW: 83 | UGW: 80]
Created: Sat Jan 28 16:58:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qqsc4/skipping_something_i_really_want_to_do_with/
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(on mobile, sorry for the lack of flair, would mark as rant)

i skip out on a lot of events because of food. before i was in IP, i wouldn't have even thought twice about it.

now i'm in PHP and got my first invite to do something with a friend that would've involved food. the planning got complicated but then easily sorted out. i'm still about to come up with an excuse to say no.

i really like the guy who invited me. the issue is that he wants to take me to a hibachi place and then a movie. between frantically trying to figure out the safest vegetarian options at hibachi places and determining how much food i could hide without him noticing i just. mentally gave up?

i realized just how much easier it would be to just not go.

the only difference between now and before treatment is that this time i'm sad about saying no. i'm really really sad about saying no and maybe it's my teenage hormones coming back or something but i want to cry about it.

but i still can't make myself go. because food.

(even then it's probably better not to see him until i lose all the weight back because i've turned into a whale and boys don't like whales. even better, forget him and find someone who will only ever know me thin and won't expect me to eat.)

---

[Help] Got really sick this morning
/u/sewnp [5'6"/h8 myself/NB/UGW:90]
Created: Sat Jan 28 14:27:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qq0k2/got_really_sick_this_morning/
---
Hello! If the wonderful mods could flair my post for me as I'm on the app I would so appreciate that. Rant/rave is what I would've used.

Anyways, does anyone ever get really pukey sick for a couple hours and then when you wake up later you feel okay enough to be awake? That happened to me this morning and I honestly love these days because it makes me avoid food like the plague. How did I get pukey? What did I eat to make me sick? I should probably just fast today anyways.

Though I was really happy to see, if it's not tmi, that nothing really came up :)

---

[Tip] Fasting Tips??
/u/venice--
Created: Sat Jan 28 13:00:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qpjcp/fasting_tips/
---
[removed]

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[Other] She thought I was concerned, but I was just jealous.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 28 12:58:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qpj2w/she_thought_i_was_concerned_but_i_was_just_jealous/
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https://i.redd.it/pf98p5aocicy.jpg

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo. Fasting today.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Jan 28 11:16:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qoy8x/daily_thinspo_fasting_today/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/9fd703df48ca41ea8e312e6f686f25ef?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=1d31e3a3db7a7b5fb5a7ac4a5a48d619

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[Discussion] i don't believe the calorie counts on packaging
/u/anorexic666 [5'4 | CW: 90.6 | LW: 83 | UGW: 80]
Created: Sat Jan 28 10:36:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qoqay/i_dont_believe_the_calorie_counts_on_packaging/
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i've been eating a lot of hummus because i'm in PHP and trying to maintain to get out sooner and blah blah blah. the point is that i was under the impression that hummus was super high in fat and calories (it counts towards exchanges in program as 1 protein and 2 fats!).

today i was making a sandwich and looked at the nutrition label on the classic hummus ("little salad bar" brand) that my mom had bought, and it claims it only has 50 calories and 3.5 grams of fat per 2 tablespoons!

i've been doing 1 tablespoon and marking that as 50 calories.

i've also found myself doing this with crackers, nut butters, cereal, etc. but those i usually justify by thinking "i'm probably underestimating elsewhere during the day, so it's ok to overestimate this." with the hummus, i just straight up do not believe what i'm reading.

anyone else do this? is there any way to combat it?

---

[Intro] Frenemies for 20 years
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 28 10:23:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qontk/frenemies_for_20_years/
---
On mobile or I'd flair as an intro :)

Hello! I'm newish to the sub, but this is all old hat for me. Started at age 15 and I'm now 35.

I'm posting bc I need to rejoin the club as far as restrictive behavior and strict calorie counting goes, and I could use some support. I spent 17 years weighing between 100-105 pounds. I thought I'd die if I crossed 106. Welp. Here I am at 115 one year after having a baby. And I'm stuck.

My new goal is just to get to 107. But moving from what is a "healthy" weight back down to a more underweight BMI is proving difficult bc of the loosey goosey habits I got into over the years.

I've got a great life - cute kid, handsome husband, lots of friends, important job - but I'm incapable of being happy at my post baby weight. I feel like I'm looking at a stranger in the mirror. I guess me finally creating a throwaway account is my way of mentally recommitting to this lifestyle.

You guys are my people. I wish this kind of support existed back in the day. Hugs and kisses to you all, hope your day is good.


😐
Here's my background, if you care to read it!

I've had an ED in all its various forms. I was an excellent restrictor back in the day. After college, I discovered how easy purging was for me (I could will food up with my stomach muscles, no gagging involved!). I spent years binging and purging, on top of careful calorie counting. Oh and exercise. I'm a cardio fanatic, it's how I get my high.

Honestly, after 17 years of weighing no more than 105 pounds, I was happy. And I got less strict over the years. By age 30, I pretty much ate what I wanted and only loosely counted calories. I finally realized I could eat quite a lot a few days a week (2000+) and not gain weight as long as I kept to reasonable 1200-1500 calories about 4 days a week, along with at least 3 hrs of cardio per week, and trying to hit 10k steps per day. I went from someone who in my teens and 20s was terrified of food and had all kinds of things I didn't touch...to being the girl who ate frosting whenever the hell she felt like it.

Winning!

Then I got pregnant.

The weight piled on like mad. I didn't change my eating habits. I kept exercising. But all the sudden a diet that had kept me at 105 for 17 years was now putting on a pound a week from the get go. To clarify, most people gain no more than 4 lbs in the first trimester. I gained 12. It was fat, not water. How do I know that? Well, first of all bc I know my body and I know where it puts fat first (legs). Second, bc my total weight gain was 44 lbs, but I lost 30 in the 5 days following birth. Those last 14? Those were not water weight. 2 of them dropped easily in the first month post partum. The other 12, I've had for over a year now. I look exactly like I did 4 months pregnant, which to everyone else looked "not at all pregnant" but to me looks like a sad sack of sloppy fat.

I'm miserable.

To be fair, the rationale part of my brain knows I look pretty good. I even look younger with some weight on my face.

But screw this. I've tried for a year to see what would melt off without doing much. I continued to loosely count calories and eat frosting all the time. I blamed hormones. I blamed dairy. I blamed alcohol. I blamed carbs. I blamed less time for exercise.

You know who's actually to blame? Me. The me who pretends calories that I eat over my self imposed limit don't count.

No more. I'm not used to feeling hungry, but it has to happen. 1122 is my limit and I refuse to go over it. It's enough for me to be the functional working mom I have to be, and also enough to hopefully start dropping pounds. In any case, it's gotta be better than hitting up to 2k per day like I have been.

My fear: that I'll cut calories and it won't work. But I guess I won't know unless I finally try it again...

---

[Rant/Rave] Weird things make me happy I guess
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 28 10:15:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qomeg/weird_things_make_me_happy_i_guess/
---
(on mobile can't flair, guess this would be rant/rave)

So I eat with my boyfriend almost every day for at least one meal. He likes to buy me all sorts of fast food and cake and crap which can lead to a binge.

But!!! Yesterday he stepped on my scale for the first time in months and he's gained a lot of weight and he's a boy overweight now. So he's upset and decided he wants to eat healthier and lose weight.

This is making me irrationally happy cause I offered to make us both healthy food! I'm really excited lol. I feel like I can finally relax and take control of my eating.

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[Help] Hey everyone, I used to be u/fckk/ and was active on here for 3 years if anyone remembers me. I deleted my account (it was devastating) after a particularly rough week to "recover". I have a question about hair ?? Freaking out
/u/1223715
Created: Sat Jan 28 09:47:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qogu8/hey_everyone_i_used_to_be_ufckk_and_was_active_on/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm sick!!!
/u/x-ko [5'5" | 112.5 | 18.9 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 28 06:38:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qnlh3/im_sick/
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I've been binging for four days and I woke up today feeling like shit! My sinuses are swollen, my head hurts, I'm coughing and my nose is running. It's literally the perfect way to kill this binge streak, have tea and soup instead of going out and * bonus * I get to stay in pajamas all day!!

/#justEDthings

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[Rant/Rave] emotional dependance on fasting/restricting
/u/sunflowerfairy [4'11" | no goal weight; nothing will ever be good enough.]
Created: Sat Jan 28 06:33:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qnkx4/emotional_dependance_on_fastingrestricting/
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i hate how much my mood and feelings depend on how much (or how little i eat.) i'm barely emotionally stable as is and the only that really makes me feel calm is knowing i haven't eaten much, or at all. i guess it's good in that i can have the shittiest of days and have the fact that i barely ate as my sole consolation. but i know i depend on it too much and that's not a good thing, and it sucks, it really, truly fucking sucks but it's the only thing that helps me act normal, like everyone else.



i wish it didn't have to be this way but i hate how shitty things are and how cruel people can be. this is the only way i can mantain my sanity, or whatever's left of it. i *want* help.

---

and im still fucking fat. don't even want to think about what i must have looked like before
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 28 05:09:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qnatk/and_im_still_fucking_fat_dont_even_want_to_think/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/0f3826b64d154896bb3be68f35312203?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=3cb48ce6c68712687f3baf64408bdcd3

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! January 28, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jan 28 05:07:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qnal1/stupid_questions_saturday_january_28_2017/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for January 28, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 28, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jan 28 05:07:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qnakg/daily_food_diary_january_28_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 28, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] I don't like it
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 28 01:44:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qmptb/i_dont_like_it/
---
So why do I do it.

I don't feel attractive the lower I go.
I don't feel happier.

I'm not attracted to women I aspire to look like. I don't think they look nice. ^so why do I need to be like them

I don't sleep well because I can't lie on my side bc my knees are too sharp. My chest is always sore bc it's so bony.

My husband doesn't like it. My body isn't fun to touch or look at anymore. He would never say that, and does nothing but sadly encourage me to be healthy but I know it's true.

I hoped to be more feminine but I'm just so andro. Which would be nice but it's not my aesthetic. I miss being soft and sweet but I can't go back.

I wish I was stronger and toned but I can't build muscle bc then I'll have to eat.

The fat never goes away. I pinch and pinch and it feels like it grows. It's so squishy and sad. I wish I could happily be plump and firm and soft and warm and *happy* but I can't. It's just not meant to be.

I'm so sorry.

---

[Rant/Rave] I use my boyfriend as daily thinspo
/u/TooFatToBeOnTop17
Created: Fri Jan 27 23:42:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qmcz8/i_use_my_boyfriend_as_daily_thinspo/
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He has a high metabolism so he can eat like shit and still be thin. Being around him has helped me make better food choices and I find myself drinking waaay more water and I've cut out soda and those borderline coffee milkshakes from Starbucks. But I want to keep pushing and get to my GW. I work third shift so it's hard to eat at proper times. But I've been really good at not eating before i go to sleep these past two weeks.

---

[Goal] Really big milestone for me:
/u/musemusings [5'9"/129.6 lbs./18.79/28.4 lbs lost/]
Created: Fri Jan 27 23:29:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qmbdi/really_big_milestone_for_me/
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For the first time since freshman year, I am in the 120's without being dehydrated from a bender!!! I haven't had a drink all week. And I have found weight loss to be easier than ever.

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[Rant/Rave] Never ending binges
/u/hopelessly--hopeful [5'4" | puts whales to shame| F| 23]
Created: Fri Jan 27 23:09:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qm8zb/never_ending_binges/
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On mobile, so no flair. God I can't stop binging....ever since I came home from school in December I have binged a disgusting amount of food...at least $300 worth. Now that I'm back at school I can't seem to stop either. Things I don't usually do like stealing food from my roommate and spending ridiculous amounts of money in the cafeteria. School used to be a safe space where I could get in the mindset of only eating about 600 calories a day and being okay with it, and I can't seem to get back to that point. I almost knew it would be like this when i got back so i reduces my meal plan to 10 meals a week, but that doesn't stop me from late night snacking. On top of that, I put back on every single pound I had lost since September. I'm so angry and frustrated with myself and my lack of self control...this weekend will be the end of it and I'm holding myself to it.

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[Rant/Rave] I fucked up. I binged.
/u/KatsREAM [5'2"| CW: 104 | GW: 90 | UGW: 74]
Created: Fri Jan 27 23:02:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qm86b/i_fucked_up_i_binged/
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I went out for dinner with friends.

I wanted to fit in. I wanted to have fun and not worry about my intake, and enjoy the conversation, and have a reprieve from my life.
I completely lost control.


It's too late to purge. What can I do? Is there a laxative anyone can recommend? Will that do anything? I feel desperate.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else here game to just waste time so you forget about eating?
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 22:19:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qm2lh/anyone_else_here_game_to_just_waste_time_so_you/
---
On iPad can't flair. :(

But anyone else play video games for hours on end just to distract?

Lately I've been no lifing Overwatch lol.

If anyone cares to add me on PS my psn is Xerinanova.

I'm literally feeling so guilty for even thinking about eating anything else, I've had 605 calories consumed today...I've already had too much :(

---

my friends think they're fat
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 21:54:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qlz2e/my_friends_think_theyre_fat/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] blimp city everyday
/u/sewnp [5'6"/h8 myself/NB/UGW:90]
Created: Fri Jan 27 21:36:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qlwjt/blimp_city_everyday/
---
I'm dropped six pounds and though I feel relieved I'm disgusted. I used to be lower than this and when I moved back into my parents house I gained weight. I'm struggling to not scream at myself in the mirror honestly because I just feel like I've lost somehow. My disgusting side took over I feel? I don't know. It's been hard for me but I'm glad I started school. (even if I did have a breakdown on the first day) I haven't been active here either and it makes me sad. This community always made me feel like someone actually cared about me and I could be open about a part of myself that I never could tell anyone.

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[Rant/Rave] All i do is sleep
/u/xwea [5'7 | -25 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 21:35:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qlwcl/all_i_do_is_sleep/
---
(Can't flair on mobile but rant i gues.)

Idk if it's bc i'm eating so little but all i do is sleep. Literally all day all night. It's starting to concern my roomate and i think they're noticing how rarely i eat. Idk what to do. I feel too exhausted to put effort into hiding my eating habits.

Edit: and oh boy i forgot to mention the HEADACHES. they are just constant and nothing gets rid of them. Lol pls send help :'(

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[Rant/Rave] An entire jar of peanut butter, gone in 10 minutes
/u/Melissa1267 [5'6"| CW 122.2 | 19.72 | GW 118 | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 20:42:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qloip/an_entire_jar_of_peanut_butter_gone_in_10_minutes/
---
This feels like a rock-bottom moment - I'm horrified at myself and how sick I feel, physically and emotionally. How do I make sure that this IS a rock-bottom moment? I just keep staring at the jar in the trash, imagining it all in my stomach and then turning to disgusting fat on my legs and butt :(

---

[Rant/Rave] It won't come off [rant]
/u/cinnamoncactus [5'6'' | 115 | 18.4 | -98 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 20:10:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qljqa/it_wont_come_off_rant/
---
On mobile so I can't flair. But ugh since 1 week before my job interview ( I got it woohoo!) and before I've been restricting to eat under 600 cals per day, often less. I had my period for 13 days until I got my depo shot on Monday.I'm fucking bloated still and feel like an absolute cow. I've worked out every day and its still there. I just can't wait for the water weight or whatever this is to go away cause I'm getting to the point where I have urges to cut it off. I highly doubt I would act on it but ahg I still wanna just punish myself for this. I'm going to try to fast for a few days and see if that helps, maybe just have another halo top at night or some lettuce with my vitamins. Sorry for spewing my words , i feel pretty hopeless at the moment.

---

I haven't been "feeling" full these last few days (also mono diet?).
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 20:01:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qlidy/i_havent_been_feeling_full_these_last_few_days/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Fist binge in a while; it's proof that my body has changed
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 18:44:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ql6b8/fist_binge_in_a_while_its_proof_that_my_body_has/
---
*the title should say "first". Silly me

I used to binge on thousands of calories. Cakes, cookies, noodles, butter and bread.
I have been doing super well for the past few months. My only "binges" have been about 500 calories.


Tonight was different. I ate uncontrollably. Now I'm laying down, and my stomach is bloated with pain. I can barely move. And to be completely honest, I probably ate less today than I did during one of my binges a while back.

My body has changed for the positive, and I still have about 10lbs to go. I can do this. No more binges. Mind above food.

---

[Tip] If you live near Pittsburgh, a new whole foods opened up in South Hilles and they have Halo Top(a lot of flavors too) 2 for 7 right now!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 18:40:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ql5nk/if_you_live_near_pittsburgh_a_new_whole_foods/
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https://i.redd.it/qa6xc0lhxccy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] SOS - LAND WHALE AHOY! Serious bloating
/u/TinyandLost [5'6 | Gross | OV | -13lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 18:32:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ql4d2/sos_land_whale_ahoy_serious_bloating/
---
So I binged. BIIG TIME! I feel fucking disgusting. I've purged and still nothing. I'm bloated, fucking gross and losing my mind. I can't even bare the thought of weighing myself and dreading even moving at this point. It feels like I've gained at least 3lbs; I doubt its that much but I'm thinking 2lb at most.

I'm planning a crazy gym session first thing tomorrow, like weights and serious stair climbing but this binge bloat is going to last at least a few days and I have no idea how I'm going to get it gone. It's never been this bad before.. Why the fuck do I do this to myself?

---

[Discussion] Any thoughts on baby food pouches?
/u/yugogrl2000 [64" | 158.9 | 27.27 | -5 | Demigirl]
Created: Fri Jan 27 18:02:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qkz3x/any_thoughts_on_baby_food_pouches/
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My college schedule leaves me VERY limited time to eat anything that is not grab-and-go. I have been relying on 200 Cal. protein bars for lunch. I am considering getting baby food pouches though. They are pretty low Cal. (Around 90 per pouch, depending in the type and brand). It is probably better than a protein bar, since I could get vegetables and such. Any thoughts?

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[Rant/Rave] [rave] i did it
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 17:44:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qkw2l/rave_i_did_it/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Coffee is my energy crutch
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 17:36:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qkulf/coffee_is_my_energy_crutch/
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[deleted]

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[Intro] I'm back
/u/jawberrystrelly
Created: Fri Jan 27 16:45:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qklck/im_back/
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you may remember me as u/turtle4president

or maybe you don't, I see there's a lot of new users (welcome!)

anyway, I'm on the new discord as well, just wanted to reach out and let you all know I'm back, as bittersweet as it is.

missed you all a lot and glad to see the sub is still as supportive as ever ❤ sending hugs to all you beauties.

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[Thinspo] My favorite place for thinspo
/u/Zanovia
Created: Fri Jan 27 15:20:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qk4n8/my_favorite_place_for_thinspo/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] PSA: Be aware of thinspo mirror tricks.
/u/I-IV-I64-V-I
Created: Fri Jan 27 14:24:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qjt37/psa_be_aware_of_thinspo_mirror_tricks/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/00663681ffad4fea911fd95ee3f4bb29?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=36ab8e3ea9c23b7213bb4f2cfc427e2d

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As requested: An Official r/proED Discord Server
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 14:22:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qjsou/as_requested_an_official_rproed_discord_server/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [rave] I found a new safe food after weeks of horrible anxiety
/u/yurishiro [5'1" | CW 77 | GW 75 | F/20]
Created: Fri Jan 27 14:13:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qjqya/rave_i_found_a_new_safe_food_after_weeks_of/
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I've stopped posting in the food diaries so much because I started to get really bad anxiety about a lot of food, and people seeing what I eat (even via text, gosh) and my safe foods dwindled down to only very few things (oatmeal, quest bars, some liquids, leafy greens, and weirdly dark chocolate) and I was really struggling to fit variety into my diet without wanting to just... eat everything. I haven't binged, but idk how I even avoided it a few times there aside from not having much money.

On to the new safe food, though: even if they aren't the most nutrient-dense, I am excited to recommend crumpets!

I know they're common in the UK and they're semi-common here in Canada, but I had just never bothered with them because lol bread. But the ones from my grocery store's brand are 90cal a piece and so good with PB2, or even just some cinnamon on top. for the last three days these little spongy rounds have been the only thing between me and anxiety coupled with exhausting reactive eating urges.

so yeah, hats off to crumpets. tell your friends about 'em.

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[Rant/Rave] Too fat to see friends
/u/PizzaInMyUrethra [5'5" | CW: INSANE | GW1: 150 | 24F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 13:56:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qjndj/too_fat_to_see_friends/
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My friends have driven down to see me for their birthdays. I spent 2 hours trying on clothes. Nothing fits. Nothing even conceals the disgusting fat.

My partner tried to help me, he kept saying I looked fine / nice but I know he's lying. I'm not SEEING things that don't exist. There's physical evidence. After an hour he got really angry and sick of me crying so he left. It's his birthday tomorrow, when I panicked over how I was going to cope for that, he told me not to come.

I've texted to say I can't come. I'm so upset to let them down. I haven't seen them in forever but I just want to feel COMFORTABLE if I'm going out in public. Everything evening-ish is just bursting at the seams over me. I want to just hide in my duvet and never see anyone again.

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x
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 13:51:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qjmc4/x/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I ate two cheese sticks
/u/EmpireStateBitch [5'4" | CW 120 | GW 115 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 13:39:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qjjw4/i_ate_two_cheese_sticks/
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And just found out they were 80 calories EACH. Guess I can't have dinner this evening...

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[Discussion] What are your favourite food textures?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 13:00:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qjb5i/what_are_your_favourite_food_textures/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend and i had a huge fight and I'm about to binge
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 12:58:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qjapk/my_boyfriend_and_i_had_a_huge_fight_and_im_about/
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I think we might break up. I'm so lost. He's everything to me. My ED is ruining all of my relationships. I have two bags of family size chips, two full sized chocolate bars, and a box of cheese nips and you bet ass I'm gonna eat it all and hate myself.

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[Discussion] Favorite safe drink thread
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Fri Jan 27 12:34:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qj5ht/favorite_safe_drink_thread/
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Okay so there are several drinks I rely on on a daily basis and I want to hear yours.

Mine:

1. Rockstar pure Zero watermelon:
Calories: zero
Taste: better than ANY other energy drink. It is refreshing and unique and doesn't have the gross syrupy taste.

2. Java monster vanilla bean
Calories: 50 per serving and I think there's only 2 so 100 cal for the can
Taste: they don't taste like a light drink. They are my favorite coffee drink when compared to the Starbucks drinks they sell pre bottled and has more than half the calories. Sometimes they can be really hard to find.

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[Rant/Rave] When the insecurity starts peeling off...
/u/kissmyasthmahole [5'2| CW: 125 | 23| GW: 110| UGW: 95| 20F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 12:03:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qiyr6/when_the_insecurity_starts_peeling_off/
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Hey beautiful people,

You know when you've been trying really hard and you don't see any difference in the mirror or the scales and you just want to completely give up and crumple into a soft pile of tear-stained lard? Well... I'm finally over that stage (for now) and Im shifting some real weight, face is thinner, jawline back, tummy flatter, less jiggling when I run etc.

Still got a long way to go and I know ill be at a standstill again soon but I just feel over the moon even though its probably water weight. I know we all have shitty, shitty times but you all work so hard so just remember that it will happen!

Happy weekend X

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How do you all have such good self control?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 12:02:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qiym0/how_do_you_all_have_such_good_self_control/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling like the world is falling apart
/u/SwedishKaiser
Created: Fri Jan 27 11:53:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qiwix/feeling_like_the_world_is_falling_apart/
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I decided to start cutting back on carbs a few days ago and all was going extremely well until my brother got some butter microwave popcorn this evening. I wasn't able to say no to it and I ended up eating a whole bag by myself. All that buttery, salty, fat. I couldn't stop, I lost control and I don't know what came over me and I feel so bad and like the world is falling apart and I want to crawl up and cry and just disappear.
I usually just lurk here since I'm desperately trying to get out of my ED but I felt like getting this off my chest.
I just have to remember that tomorrow is a new day and I won't instantly gain 5 pounds overnight from one day of (insane) overeating.

TL;DR: lost control over buttery microwaved popcorn. Ate it all. Want to disappear.

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[Other] [Fluff] After a night of binge drinking, my period started for the first time in forever. Lol wut?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 11:52:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qiwet/fluff_after_a_night_of_binge_drinking_my_period/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Emotional eating?
/u/daughterofpolonius
Created: Fri Jan 27 11:08:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qimqw/emotional_eating/
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How do you guys keep yourself from emotional eating?

I've had the WORST day today; involving me ugly crying at work for an hour. At least I made $9 to ugly cry, haha.

Anyway, I can't think of anything that would make me feel better other than food. It's literally the only comfort I can think of. I absolutely can't wait to leave work and go home, but I know the first thing I'll want to do to feel better is eat.

I'm supposed to fast today, so any amount of calories are completely out of the question. Also I have sunburn on my face, so I probably shouldn't do a face mask or anything like that haha. I just don't know how to comfort myself without sweets and melty cheese!

Thank you so much, guys. Y'all help me (every single day) more than you'll ever know. I have a lot of love for each one of you.

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[Discussion] Why are all my threads removed?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 10:48:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qiice/why_are_all_my_threads_removed/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] 50% Calorie Limit when Purging is a Myth
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 10:45:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qihx0/50_calorie_limit_when_purging_is_a_myth/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] Sora of Red Cat Fancam - Amazing body (especially her legs).
/u/95CHOI
Created: Fri Jan 27 10:42:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qih4v/sora_of_red_cat_fancam_amazing_body_especially/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynhJKMQsbHQ

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What are your biggest motivators?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 10:13:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qib76/what_are_your_biggest_motivators/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] So Infuriating
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 09:55:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qi7ap/so_infuriating/
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Rant:

So my SO has decided that he's going to diet because he feels like it would give us something to connect on. Is he fucking serious? And everything he talks to me about now is how many calories he should be eating, how many miles he ran on a treadmill, and his upcoming "body transformation".

I feel like he is trying to be supportive but just doesn't understand what is going through my mind. Anyone else ever go through something like this?

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[Rant/Rave] [rave] I just spent a month abroad for a class with no scale or full length mirror... and I only gained 2 pounds.
/u/desperate_housecat [5'2" | CW: 116 GW: 109 UGW: 99 | 21.2 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 09:40:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qi3zr/rave_i_just_spent_a_month_abroad_for_a_class_with/
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I was SO STRESSED about this class. I spent a month in the Bahamas for a field biology course, and I was terrified of having to be in a bathing suit in front of people all the time... BUT everything didn't go to shit, I actually felt pretty good about myself, and people kept complimenting my abs. I am so relieved I wanna cry.

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[Rant/Rave] This is my 6th account here, what the fuck is my problem?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 09:26:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qi15x/this_is_my_6th_account_here_what_the_fuck_is_my/
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[deleted]

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[Intro] Hi, I guess this is a re-introduction
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 139.1 | 22.54 | -9.1 | 21F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 08:59:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qhvdw/hi_i_guess_this_is_a_reintroduction/
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I'll change my flair after I submit this. But I left this sub around the middle of December (not going to lie, I would come and read sometimes) because I wanted to recover a bit. and it worked for a while. I grew muscle mass, got stronger, kept my weight at maintenance. But then I had a few binge episodes recently (and by a few I mean a week). thanks Trump, emotional eating and life stress. And I feel like I need to come back for a bit. I'm done recovering for this period in my life, and I want to let the waves of this disorder wash over me. I know that sounds dramatic, but that's how it feels. It's really comforting in a way. I weigh 148.9lbs as of this morning (I know it's post binge, but still), and that means that I'm 5lbs away from being classed as overweight, and that thought alone is making my head just *scream*. I'm up from around 142 when I tried to recover, and I'm very uncomfortable with that fact.

My end goal would be to recover and be mentally healthy and happy and not stress about the calories in a cucumber, but my current priorities have shifted and my mental health is going to take the back seat. My first goal is to get to 144, then 140, then 137 and finally 133. We'll see where I'm at there, since I haven't been that weight in about a year.

Please wish me luck. I've missed all of you and being a part of this community. I feel safe here and loved. I know that my disordered habits are not as extreme as others (my extreme comes with binging, not restricting), and I will forever have undying respect for the men and women who have such mental strength, but I'm so happy to feel like I belong here.

thank you for reading my ranting :)

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[Other] I got pulled aside at work today
/u/MeMyselfAndCarbs [5'3" | 110.6 | 24F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 08:58:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qhv7g/i_got_pulled_aside_at_work_today/
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Mobile - I'll flair once I get to a computer!

I work at a hospital and this morning one of the doctors pulled me aside and asked if I had been losing weight. It caught me really off guard, so I said yes. He then asked me why and I told him it was because I was having trouble eating due to jaw pain (I have TMJ, so it was kind of true). He went on to tell me that I needed to start drinking more calories or eating ice cream. I just laughed and said okay before walking away, but I feel really weird about it. On one hand, I feel like I've been successful since my weight loss was noticed, but on the other I feel like he was concerned and is going to start watching me. And having a doctor pull you aside to talk to you about your weight is a weird feeling...I almost felt like I was in trouble.

Oh well, I just needed to share because I didn't have anyone else to tell.

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[Rant/Rave] Big non-numbers related milestone
/u/why_cant_you_learn [5'8" | 140lbs | 21.06 | -45 | 35F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 08:36:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qhqrz/big_nonnumbers_related_milestone/
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I hit a massive non-weight milestone last night. My wedding dress fits again! It's even a bit big. When I got married 3 years ago I was basically sewn into it by a seamstress, and was at what was probably my lowest adult "healthy weight" (I was eating clean, crosfitting 3x a week, and weightlifting). It literally hasn't fit since that day. I don't know the size, weirdly. I ordered it on clearance at a size 14, and the seamstress had to take it in about 5 inches at the waist, and countless other adjustments (benchpress boobs are a THING), but she custom fitted it to me. But still. At least I have gotten back to a size I used to feel okay at. It's not enough, but it's a start.

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[Intro] new here, wanted to say hi!
/u/chocolatechipgore [5'5" | 106 | 17.85 | NB]
Created: Fri Jan 27 07:38:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qhfdx/new_here_wanted_to_say_hi/
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i really have zero clue as though how to begin this post. please inform me if something's against the rules, ok?

first things first - i'm eighteen, sapphic, from somewhere in europe. got diagnosed with AN when i was thirteen. (fucking hell, has it been this long already?) was forced into recovery, relapsed in 2014, was threatened with being put inpatient and gained from bmi 15 to 18 the following year. got discharged after i reached borderline normal weight.

currently i'm 17.7 and semi-relapsing. my goal would be to get to a bmi of ~16 through ~1200-1500 calories a day (seeing as a) i'm greedy as hell and b) i don't want to fuck up my metabolism again) and then try and find a perfect calorie count for me to maintain. i have osteoporosis which is causing me quite a bit of anxiety over losing weight again, ngl, but i will play it safe and not hit the rock bottom this time. i will.

not going to say being in recovery was bad for me. it sure wasn't - i got more confident than ever before and i'm glad my parents stopped worrying over me. i won't go further into this since i'm afraid someone irl might recognise me from this, but i went through some traumatic events as a child which basically messed up my mental health for good. that said, it's either my anxiety or my eating disorder preventing me from living a wholesome life, and at this point, restricting even a little bit is the perfect coping skill for me.

wow, what a novel. anyway, this seems like an amazing community and i hope to get to know you guys x

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[Thinspo] Some Celeb Thinspo ladies 5'5 and under.
/u/Dead_ugly19
Created: Fri Jan 27 07:03:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qh98w/some_celeb_thinspo_ladies_55_and_under/
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http://m.imgur.com/a/rgA1a

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[Discussion] [Discussion] What are your favourite low calorie packaged foods?
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 05:54:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qgxo6/discussion_what_are_your_favourite_low_calorie/
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This includes but is not limited to powders, liquids, bars, cereals, spreads, pastas, etc.

I'm trying to find some more and make a list for people like us. Some of my favourites are Shirataki noodles (who would have guessed lol) (0-15cal), low fat cocoanut lemon Greek yogurt (80cal), low calorie salad dressings (10-25cal), miso soup (30-35cal), ocean spray cranberry juice (5-10 cal), and special k brownies (80-90 cal depending on if u get the fiber one).

Please list your favourites (and calories if possible)!

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[Rant/Rave] I'm taking scuba diving this semester bc I'm a masochist apparently
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 05:40:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qgvn0/im_taking_scuba_diving_this_semester_bc_im_a/
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[deleted]

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[Goal] I've finally found a combo of motivations that make restricting easy for me (TW)
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 05:13:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qgrw5/ive_finally_found_a_combo_of_motivations_that/
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1. Not wanting to feel intense pain (because restriction, like cutting, numbs me)

2. Wanting to die (losing enough weight will hopefully lead to a heart attack)

3. Wanting to lie in bed more than I want to get up and get food (self explanatory)

Yay.

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! January 27, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jan 27 05:10:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qgrhr/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for January 27, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

**Rules**

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host.

Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, inspiration behind your OOTD (trying to look thin or cover up weightloss, etc.)!

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 27, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jan 27 05:10:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qgrh2/daily_food_diary_january_27_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 27, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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Do you have favourite food textures?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 04:39:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qgni2/do_you_have_favourite_food_textures/
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[deleted]

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Oh look it's me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 01:55:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qg51n/oh_look_its_me/
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https://youtu.be/OV2aGqf7u1w

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[Rant/Rave] I caved, admitted I gained weight, and bought bigger pants.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 27 01:18:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qg12l/i_caved_admitted_i_gained_weight_and_bought/
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I bought my current jeans at ~135. I'm 20 pounds heavier since I gained 10 pounds moving to France (cheeeeeeeese) and another 10 in the past fucking month from ~recovering~ from purging. Fuck that.

I gain weight in my lower half. Hips, butt, thighs, stomach. So my previous high-waisted jeans sit lower and are just plain uncomfortable. I debated getting new pants since it would be admitting I'm a failure and maybe having tight pants would be a constant reminder not to fuck up. I dreaded having to get dressed. I've been wearing leggings and a long house sweater to work every day instead. When you avoid wearing pants, you know it's time to get real.

I went to Zara, got a size 8 pants, and didn't even try them on until now.

Oh my Zeus, life is so much better. I'm comfortable again and I don't look huge. I look better since they fit me well.

Having the tight clothes also gave me serious anxious which meant I didn't want to go out and I'd overeat because I felt shitty. In these pants, I can walk around in comfort without feeling the waist be too tight or squeezing me. I'm more like to want to walk more and go out.

You know, having to buy bigger pants sucks. But deliberately forcing myself to be anxious and feel like shit is worse. I have jeans to come back to as I lose the weight, so hopefully these will start to be loose soon.

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[Discussion] What do you consider a day?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 27 00:05:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qfsk8/what_do_you_consider_a_day/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] The 50% calories purged myth
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 26 23:21:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qfmyb/the_50_calories_purged_myth/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] "You didn't lose weight... you just lost 20 pounds of muscle since you quit sports" RANT
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Thu Jan 26 23:12:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qflpw/you_didnt_lose_weight_you_just_lost_20_pounds_of/
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So today in class I was sitting in a group with my old best friend and a girl I'm decently close with and one of my friends came in and asked if I wanted to buy her prom dress from her. I told her no because I was planning on losing 20 more pounds before prom. We started talking about weight loss and I mentioned how I weigh less now as a senior than I did in 8th grade. My entire life up until sophomore year I played advanced soccer (as a goalkeeper) and was out of shape and couldn't keep up with my teammates. One of the girls goes "well yeah of course u lost weight, you quit soccer and lost muscle" and I was like actually, I take a weight training class every day (set a new back squat PR today, woo!!!) and have not only visibly increased muscle mass while decreasing fat, but can now do triple the amount of push ups and pull ups than before. And my old best friend, who is bigger than me, replies with "actually... muscle weighs more than fat. You just lost your muscle."

Come. On.
Seriously?!? I have never had "muscles." Honesty at the height of my soccer career I couldn't do 10 real push ups because my arms were noodles. I don't think my body even had that much muscle to lose.

First of all. I track every single calorie that enters and leaves my body. I am fucking psychotic about counting and how my body looks. If I could just magically drop 20 pounds from doing absolutely nothing except quitting a sport my life would be so wonderful. I would lay in bed eating all day, go for a run and then call it good and quit and wait for the pounds to fly off and melt into a blob as more muscle leaves my body. Because it is THAT EASY. THEY JUST FLY OFF.

And logically, Is it even possible to lose 20 pounds of muscle and still be a normal functioning human who doesn't have a disease? Like yes I understand that I did indeed quit a sport two years ago, but saying that it led to 20 pounds of muscle flying of my body? I'm so upset.

The only redeeming thing about the encounter is one of the girls brags about how healthy she is and how she's on a diet and then proceeded to scarf down what I estimated at 850+ calories of rice alone.


Edit: spelling is hard. Edit 2: 20 down, 20 to go. Story line and clarity is harder.

---

Music videos that are sort of ED related? please share! (Can't flair on iPad)
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Thu Jan 26 22:23:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qfer9/music_videos_that_are_sort_of_ed_related_please/
---
https://youtu.be/ZeBrnuQxEsQ

---

[Rant/Rave] If I could ever get skinny enough
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 26 22:17:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qfdt1/if_i_could_ever_get_skinny_enough/
---
I think I'd look like Rosamund Pike. I love her! I think she's so perfect in every way. Earlier today I was eating while reading comments on r/fatlogic about Whitney from that TLC show and it made me disgusted that I was eating. Of course, later I ate food anyways -_-
I'm going to fill my mind with disgust and when I grab food I'm going to draw my body shape and then draw how that food is going to look in me if I eat it. I'm a visual person, but I have to keep everything online or in a notebook so my SO doesn't freak. I'd love to hang a huge weight loss chart up, but that wouldn't fly. I'd also love to have more "free" time, but getting old means balancing life and blah blah blah

Mobile no flair
Rant or discussion?

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo. ✨💕
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Thu Jan 26 21:34:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qf71b/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/41a5e537a735433db45ed4e6f97e388b?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=749db90a1ea978f20956bb8843ce985a

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[Rant/Rave] My diet
/u/Please445leave
Created: Thu Jan 26 21:07:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qf2s8/my_diet/
---
[removed]

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[Help] So this has been making me anxious for a while (recovery)
/u/Jitterly [164 cm | too much | F]
Created: Thu Jan 26 20:53:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qf0k1/so_this_has_been_making_me_anxious_for_a_while/
---
So I'm technically a (physically) recovered anorexic. I've regained to an almost healthy weight range (49lb and ~163.5cm), and I don't really restrict. Except, I'm terrified. Everyday I eat somewhere between 1600-2300 calories. I know that's a huge range, but that's what I stick to. It usually ends up being right around 1900/2000. I don't know how I've been maintaining slightly underweight at 2000 calories a day, and it's terrified me to the point where I'm convinced that I'm constantly gaining weight. It just doesn't make sense to me. I hope this doesn't sound braggy like "Oh I maintain 108 at 2000 calories a day" but it just doesn't make sense to me and it makes me so anxious having to eat that amount.
Has anyone experienced something similar with recovery?? I'm not crazy active. During winter break, I probably took 3000 steps a day and didn't work. School just started back and I've been doing 20-45min of cardio about 3 times a week, and I take 10000-14000 steps a day so maybe that helps??
I dunno sorry this is so long I'm just anxious and I want an explanation. My bmr is like 1300 so this makes no sense to me.

---

[Help] Can someone please help me not b/p
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 26 20:18:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qev2c/can_someone_please_help_me_not_bp/
---
[deleted]

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i'm so impatient
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 139 | GW: 90 | F/18]
Created: Thu Jan 26 20:08:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qetao/im_so_impatient/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Go home, coping skills, you're drunk
/u/MeraxesPestis [5'2" | 204.8 lbs | 38.8 | -85.2 lbs | GQ]
Created: Thu Jan 26 18:53:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qeg5s/go_home_coping_skills_youre_drunk/
---
My stupid ex is ruining everything. He keeps sending me letters and calling me from prison despite the restraining order and every single time it happens, every day, I end up too angry and too scared and too full of self-hatred (because that makes sense, PTSD-brain, thanks) and the only "safe" (ie not medically considered self-harm) coping method I've ever had is food.

I want to binge so fucking bad right now. I was going to have a 200 cal salad and a bowl of 50 cal soup for dinner, but he stupid-called and I stupid-lost my mind and now it's 90 minutes later and all I want to do is eat my bag of emergency chips. And I honestly don't know if I can not do that. And it's stupid and I hate it and I would love for just once to have a normal relationship with food where it's not a coping mechanism and eating tons of it &/or starving myself were not things that I did.

My brain is awful and food is awful and ugh.

---

[Thinspo] This Japanese Instagram
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 26 18:49:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qefh1/this_japanese_instagram/
---
https://www.instagram.com/tomo__bodymake/

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[Discussion] DAE have v different standards for themselves?
/u/starfond
Created: Thu Jan 26 18:48:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qefaj/dae_have_v_different_standards_for_themselves/
---
(on mobile, sorry) So, I only care that I lose weight. Like, I'm all body positivity (not aggressively, but like, you go girl you rock that crop top or w/e when it's brought up) for literally everyone else. But, when it comes to myself, I feel I have to be ultraskinny. Is this a thing for anyone else, where your image standards only apply to you?

---

[Other] My 21st birthday is in exactly 4 weeks.
/u/wearebulletproof [5'4 | fat | 20F🎀✨]
Created: Thu Jan 26 17:50:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qe4tt/my_21st_birthday_is_in_exactly_4_weeks/
---
I'm going to be skinny.

I'm going to stop binging. I'm going to exercise. I'm going to drink more water. I'm going to eat less and stop being such a fat loser.

I need to stop fucking up. I'm the only person standing in the way of what I want. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get there.

---

[Rant/Rave] can i vent please (TW)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 26 17:49:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qe4lz/can_i_vent_please_tw/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] do u excercise while fasting?
/u/throwawaygayz
Created: Thu Jan 26 17:09:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qdwnw/do_u_excercise_while_fasting/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) lol what is moderation
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 26 16:46:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qdrwc/rant_lol_what_is_moderation/
---
I wish I knew when to listen to my screaming stomach begging me to stop.
Maybe then I could not eat a whole toblerone bar.
Or a whole plate of Brussel sprouts.
Or 6 bananas.


I was joking with friends that I fucking love kale chips and will eat the whole thing. And this girl I'm obsessed with cause she's perfect in every way was like Ohhhh yeah you gotta learn moderation.



even healthy becomes hurtful when you don't know when to stop...

---

[Goal] I broke 200 lbs today
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Thu Jan 26 16:40:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qdqrd/i_broke_200_lbs_today/
---
On iPad can't flair :(

was at 203 during my hospital stay and I was SURE I didn't lose weight since then but I bought new batteries for my scale and it keeps saying "197.8"

I even held heavy stuff to make the number go up 'cause I was in disbelief but it was reading accurately.

I'm down 6 lbs in a matter of days!!!! Yay!!!

---

[Rant/Rave] "But I like chubby girls!"
/u/Isitthisagain
Created: Thu Jan 26 16:19:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qdmeb/but_i_like_chubby_girls/
---
I don't know how many times I delete my account for here, Then regret it and remake it *Sigh*.

I've gotten really close to a new guy in the last few weeks, He's absolutely wonderful! We got on the subject of weight and eating, Hes around a BMI of 28 and I don't really care. But I was feeling particularly honest and comfortable with him so I told him a lot about my ED behaviors and his response was "I'd rather you overeat then undereat. I like chubby girls better anyway!". Since then he's be trying to encourage me to eat more, and how chubby girls look okay. God do I regret telling him D:. I hope I can convince him I'm okay to leave me alone about it soon

---

[Rant/Rave] Makes me feel safe
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 108lb | UGW 98lb |F]
Created: Thu Jan 26 15:57:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qdhnm/makes_me_feel_safe/
---
I've been trying to up my calories a bit for damage control after prolonged high restriction (Not even a big change, from the usual 400-600 range to something more like 600-700 tbh) but it's just...so effin difficult. UGH. Eating little or not at all feels so great, makes me feel safe and mentally strong.

Eating one digit above my safe numbers makes me panic, feels dangerous, dirty. Sigh, oh boy this is fun/ s

---

[Help] All you can eat buffet
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 26 15:31:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qdc8n/all_you_can_eat_buffet/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE give themselves goals that are based on arbitrary things?
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Thu Jan 26 15:30:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qdc2z/dae_give_themselves_goals_that_are_based_on/
---
On mobile, can't flair.

I've noticed that I've been giving myself goals (I won't eat anything until I have finished this 600 page book) that have really helped me stay on track! They end up being really silly, though. Like, until I have to have a "difficult conversation" with one of my employees about attendance/attitude, I can't eat above X calories a day. Or I can't eat more than 300-600 a day until my E light comes on and I have to get fuel. I feel ridiculous and have never really experienced this before.

---

[Thinspo] Daily thinspo
/u/depression-or-pms [5'4 | CW:131lbs | GW 125| GW2 115lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jan 26 15:26:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qdb6i/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/d6d556ac11674611b0e6a4a7e05b8d27?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=549f860e263fca004eccecf828447966

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[Intro] Introduction
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Thu Jan 26 13:57:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qcs3f/introduction/
---
Hi there!
I dont know how to flair and I'm on mobile, but I hope this is okay.

I've been a long time lurker and always wanted to post but was scared of putting myself out there.

After 4 days of binging, I decided that I need to be able to talk to you guys. It seems like such a sweet community and I haven't been doing much more than reading.

About me: 23, restricting, sugar free, vegetarian (veganish), pastry chef (blessing and a curse), American (unfortunately)

5'9/125
Probably back up to 130 after falling off the restriction wagon.

---

[Other] "How to become anorexic" ???
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 26 13:56:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qcrqx/how_to_become_anorexic/
---
http://healthncare.info/how-to-become-anorexic/

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[Other] whos that pokemon?! (sw, cw, gw(s))
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 151lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -14lbs | f]
Created: Thu Jan 26 13:25:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qcl43/whos_that_pokemon_sw_cw_gws/
---
so! a few months ago there was a post where you picked your current weight as a pokemon, and then your goal weight as a pokemon. i thought it was really neat, and wanted to bring it back!

i started at miltank(lmao), i'm currently armaldo, and i want to be volcarona (with the next goal being serperior, and then articuno).

http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/List_of_Pokémon_by_weight

^credit ^to ^/u/hazelconner ^for ^the ^post

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else find the first day of restricting near impossible, and the following days fairly easy?
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" | 200 lbs | 29.5 | 30 lbs| Male]
Created: Thu Jan 26 12:04:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qc314/does_anyone_else_find_the_first_day_of/
---
I'm not saying that I don't get intense cravings and cave sometimes, but in comparison the days following my first day restricting (I usually try to fast for a day when I've fallen back into eating habits, and then restrict to a couple hundred calories a day after that) always seem to be less of an uphill battle than that first day where it feels like the world is ending because I'm not eating cheetohs.

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] I finally told my friend with an ED about my ED
/u/hallelujah-money [5'6|SW 181|CW 148.6 |GW 125|19F]
Created: Thu Jan 26 11:57:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qc1ds/rave_i_finally_told_my_friend_with_an_ed_about_my/
---
I think that's the most therapeutic thing I could've done for myself. Someone who understands the need to open up, but not wanting to recover.


Lately I've been telling people who are close to me about what's going on and I feel like I'm forcing myself into recovery. I don't want to recover, I just want some support because I'd been so alone in it all. But when I tell people who don't understand, they take it as a sign of me wanting to get better. But I don't.


I have a friend who has a very serious ED, and I think the world of her, but never wanted to tell her because she's had issues with people trying to micmic her because they romanticize EDs and I was so afraid of coming off like that.


But I told her about an episode I had, because I needed someone who understood, and she said "When you have an eating disorder for so long, you recognize your patterns in other people. I've known for awhile. This is just confirmation."


And I felt so much better. We talked really in depth about things we do, shamelessly.


I needed this connection with someone. So bad.

---

[Other] Off-topic, but I have no one to share this with!
/u/DivingRightIn [72in | don't ask | don't tell | ~47.6 | UGW: 120lbs]
Created: Thu Jan 26 11:55:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qc0yt/offtopic_but_i_have_no_one_to_share_this_with/
---
[removed]

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[Other] My meals for the next 10 days. 450 calories (give or take 10 calories) each. One box a day!
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" | 200 lbs | 29.5 | 30 lbs| Male]
Created: Thu Jan 26 11:53:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qc0dt/my_meals_for_the_next_10_days_450_calories_give/
---
http://i.imgur.com/EhS9frI.jpg

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[Thinspo] As a guy, Saint Laurent models are my ultimate thinspiration. [Male Thinspo] [178 Images]
/u/95CHOI
Created: Thu Jan 26 11:37:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qbwu5/as_a_guy_saint_laurent_models_are_my_ultimate/
---
http://imgur.com/a/YMqRj

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[Discussion] justEDthings~
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 26 11:30:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qbvf7/justedthings/
---
So today they had free muffins at my university. I managed to avoid them all morning, until around lunch time. I have a class at lunch, but it was a presentation on how to do research (and since I've been a student for four years now, who knows how to research), so I walked out of class and headed to where the muffins were.

I grabbed one because they were starting to dwindle and made my way to the usually empty student lounge. There was no one there, and I swear to god, I was gonna go to town on this stupid, pathetic looking chocolate chip muffin. But...I didn't. I broke it in half, held it up to my nose and inhaled until all I could smell was chocolate and muffin. Then, I broke it into smaller chunks on a paper towel and just kept tearing it down further and further instead of eating it. I just *knew* that if I ate it, I'd binge.

In the end, all that was left of this poor muffin was just the crumbs and chocolate smears. I wrapped it all up in the paper towel and threw it away. And then I washed my hands vigorously for five minutes because I didn't want the calories to transfer (I don't even know if that's a thing, but I was still afraid of it). And I had my cup of plain cheerios and yogurt mixed with honey. Thank god no one saw any of that, holy fuck.

So yeah, let's talk about the unusual and ridiculous things our disordered habits make us do!

**Edit:** and another one just now! I opened up a tin of those royal dansk cookies just to smell it while I ate a blue freezie. And I nearly made myself cry because I wanted them so much. They're not even that good! Wtf brain

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] I hate this so much
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW:190lb | CW:150.1lb | GW:90lb | 27.5/28.4 | -39.9lb]
Created: Thu Jan 26 10:10:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qbden/rant_i_hate_this_so_much/
---
For extra credit in a class I *really* need extra credit in, you can donate blood. So I'm donating blood.

I don't wanna pass out so I have to eat. But I'm broke and at school without a vehicle so I have to eat junk from the vending machines. I've only eaten 300~ kcal from that but I already want to puke.

And then they'll want me to eat more afterwards and they have cookies and shit. Ughhhhhh. How am I gonna get through this???

---

Planned binge went well
/u/erilaz- [5'7 | CW: 160 | GW: 110 | -60lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jan 26 09:36:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qb5mu/planned_binge_went_well/
---
(Mobile, can't flair)

Yesterday I planned to eat cookies with my mom while watching the season finale of our show. I spent the whole day at Starbucks so I wouldn't have to eat until dinner, but this is what I had:

-homemade Mac and cheese
-two thin mints
-one peanut butter cookie
-five Girl Scout smores cookies

It was nice to have a day to get the Girl Scout cookie cravings out of the way so I won't have to eat them and Lifesum says that I kept it barely under 1000. It's a lot more than I've been eating lately, but spending time with family was really nice. I just wanted to rave about a binge that didn't make me feel like (total)shit :) I wish I had eaten less of the smores cookies but I'm trying v hard not to dwell on it.

Hope you guys take days like this to enjoy food and try to get away from the disordered thoughts for a little bit :) have a great day everyone!

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else have trouble believing their SO loves them?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 26 08:53:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qawhu/does_anyone_else_have_trouble_believing_their_so/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Tracking calories burnt while swimming-- a waterproof fitness tracker?
/u/thesmallestbirds [5'2" | 113 | 21.41 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 26 08:51:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qavyb/tracking_calories_burnt_while_swimming_a/
---
Hey there lovelies! I have a question.

I've decided to pick up swimming for my exercise because it'll be easier on my joints and I enjoy being in the water.

I'm dedicated to my Fitbit Charge HR and my Alta, however they aren't waterproof. I'm not sure if there are any Fitbit's that are waterproof. I think the Flex 2 is, but I'm not sure about all the features on it. Does anyone have one?

I've been considering the Apple Watch 2, because you can swim with it, and it has all the fun little perks to it as well (a smart watch) and it looks so sleek. <3 But it is pretty expensive, boo.

In the meantime, I'm not entirely sure how to track my calories either. I'm not free-style swimming the whole time. I'm taking a beginner swim class through my school (because I don't know how to swim, just doggy paddle) so everything is all over the place with the exercise. It's just frustrating to know how many calories I've eaten, but not know how many I've burnt off while I swim.

Thanks for any suggestions! Love you all much! <3

---

TMI. I need to go. Like go, go.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 26 08:37:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qaszh/tmi_i_need_to_go_like_go_go/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Highs and Lows
/u/nobutlisten [5'5 | CW: 101.0 | GW: lol | BMI: 16.8 | F 25 👽]
Created: Thu Jan 26 08:16:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qaotw/highs_and_lows/
---
Lots of highs and lows today already, and it's only 9 am in Wisconsin. So I weighed myself this morning and I finally hit my "UGW" which was 109 lbs. It was a surreal feeling. I think my actual UGW (my UUGW haha) is actually 106 lb, because then I will have lost exactly 40 pounds, and I like that neat number. It also gives me some wiggle room if my weight fluctuates I can still stay around 110 and feel comfortable. So I guess that did feel pretty good?


And for once I picked an outfit I liked for work, my hair looks really healthy and thick today, and I was happy with my makeup. So should be feeling great right?


But then I got to work and I had an email waiting from my boyfriend. Subject line: "Read this in private" in which he basically spelled out his concern about my weight loss/anxiety/depression. In a way he was concerned because he loves me yes, but there was also this sense that he was frustrated with me for my "lack of urgency" in getting help or fixing the problem. It made me feel weird and sad, but honestly..mostly empty. I love my boyfriend more than life itself--I am going to marry that man--but this whole thing just made me feel so sad and guilty and ashamed. We're getting lunch today to talk about it more. I hope he doesn't get mad when I just eat salad.

Truly a rant/rave in one. Can't win.

---

[Discussion] Highs and lows
/u/00110100-00110010 [5'4'' | CW 114 | UGW 104 | 19.9 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 26 07:51:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5qajjp/highs_and_lows/
---
I have really good days, really bad days, and not much in between. It all has to do with how successful I feel, based on how much weight I've lost, how I'm doing in school, what I've eaten that day, how clean my rooms is, etc. If I do good, I feel good, and if I don't, I don't. Does anyone have any tips for smoothing it out?

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[Discussion] [discussion?] anyone else fasting this week?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 26 05:54:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q9zae/discussion_anyone_else_fasting_this_week/
---
[removed]

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support January 26, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jan 26 05:06:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q9sws/weekly_emotional_support_january_26_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 26, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jan 26 05:06:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q9swd/daily_food_diary_january_26_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 26, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Fucking finally
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Thu Jan 26 03:02:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q9fcw/fucking_finally/
---
For the first time since I can remember ( maybe when I was a kid and someone was buying jeans for me?) I went in to a store and bought jeans without trying them on. I usually have to try on at least three pairs and then none of them fit and then I cry... smh. Lol. AND the best part is I overestimated my size, when I finally put the jeans on at home I realized they're a little big. YAAAASS!

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[Thinspo] a concept: [thinspo]
/u/anadrogyne [173 cm | 52.4kg | 17.5 | -2.5kg| F]
Created: Thu Jan 26 01:38:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q9708/a_concept_thinspo/
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I was inspired by /u/tokkibun 's post "GW Fantasies", and I'm sure you've seen all the
["a concept:___"]
(http://conceptualsolitude.tumblr.com)
quotes on tumblr, so I thought we could have a little creative writing thinspo thread, so imagine a concept: you at your goal weight.

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[Thinspo] Favourite thinspo <3
/u/failingshit [170 cm | 61.8 kg | CGW: 55 kg ]
Created: Wed Jan 25 23:39:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q8tys/favourite_thinspo_3/
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https://i.redd.it/fnfwvbh950cy.jpg

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[Other] My meals for the next 10 days. 450 calories (give or take 10 calories) each. One box a day!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 25 23:20:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q8rkt/my_meals_for_the_next_10_days_450_calories_give/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/afa7eaecbf4f46dc9c0831f4a424fa11?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=88f92e9b175615c7eddca819a73b8efc

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My meals for the next 10 days. 450 calories (give or take 10 calories) each. One box a day!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 25 23:10:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q8qaj/my_meals_for_the_next_10_days_450_calories_give/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/4751df6f47014fa99dd3c5e3baf9a71e?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=a655f270ea054721a843c6f4997c243a

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[Intro] First post, Hi everyone :)
/u/debu-chan [5'3 | 113.4 | 20.64 | 22F]
Created: Wed Jan 25 22:43:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q8mc3/first_post_hi_everyone/
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I've been a lurker for a couple of months. I made this account a little while ago, but I just now got the courage to introduce myself!


So, some background on me:

I graduated from college (Culinary Arts) in 2015, and when I was there, I ate like crap. Pizza parties, all sorts of fattening foods I'd bring home from class and eat, and tons of coffee (with HEAVY CREAM and TONS of sugar in it! Yuck! I cringe about how I drank 2-3 cups of that a day now). I didn't have a scale, so I thought at most, I'd gained 15 pounds. Nope! I visited my sister after I'd graduated and she said I noticeably gained weight. I bought a scale immediately, and I weighed 148 pounds. Before college, I was 118- 120.


I started looking up how to lose weight and made the connection between calories and weight loss. At first, I was eating a little under my TDEE, but the amount of calories started getting lower and lower, and I started obsessing over my weight and the number of calories. I was never happy with my body before I gained weight, and have always wanted to be tiny. I restrict, binge on junk food, then restrict again. I've never been officially diagnosed, which is why I've hesitated to do this for so long, but I hope that I'll be accepted all the same. I'm happy to finally start participating in the community :)

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[Rant/Rave] Can't stop food obsessing
/u/Chalupabar
Created: Wed Jan 25 22:22:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q8jfx/cant_stop_food_obsessing/
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Food. Fooooood. FUUUUD. Its's all I can think about rn. Sitting here watching TV and not a minute goes by without thoughts of eating pushing to the forefront. If I had anything at all in my kitchen, it would have long been devoured. I don't know how to stop this compulsion. I need to get like a mini electrode and shock myself every time I think of food. It is such a deep-seated obsession. Every day of progress is negated by five days of bingeing. Why am I so obsessed right now? Probably cuz I am bored, procrastinating, or general feelings of unfulfilledness. I need to shower and do little things around the apt. and I don't want to so instead I am fantasizing about destroying a bag of goldfish crackers. Or maybe I am watching too much TV? Living with this obsession gets old. Every day I feel like I have to act perfect or I'll just f*ck it all up. If I am not productive enough, social enough, clean enough, busy enough then I will end up ordering one of those family dinner boxes at Pizza hut because I can't deal with myself and just want to go to sleep. But now here I am sitting here bored of TV with no better prospects, obsessing about food because I am beating myself up for having an uneventful/unproductive day. Wish I could just stop being a jerk to myself. At least this post has distracted me for a bit from ordering ubereats.

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[Other] Just found this "philosophy" article...what on earth?!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 25 22:13:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q8hzp/just_found_this_philosophy_articlewhat_on_earth/
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http://www.staresattheworld.com/2013/11/why-you-should-never-date-a-girl-with-an-eating-disorder/

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Saw old photos of me from two years ago and now I wanna restrict
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Wed Jan 25 21:40:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q8cnw/saw_old_photos_of_me_from_two_years_ago_and_now_i/
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[removed]

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[Goal] Not eating until the evening..
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 25 21:37:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q8ca5/not_eating_until_the_evening/
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Well this is mostly my plan. I'm going to have 200 Cals for breakfast and 250 for lunch. Other than that I'm not having anything. My goal was to lose 1.5 pounds this week and so far that isn't going to happen with my BF around. He likes to see me eat and thinks I'm sick if I say I'm not hungry and it starts a fight. I plan on psyching him out for as long as possible 😁

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[Other] My meal plan for the next 10 days! 1 Box per day, around 450 calories each. Alternatively I bought 12 pints of Halo Top today (just found out about it's its existence last night) and I'm allowed to trade in a box for a mono day of ice cream ^~^
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 25 21:17:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q88z9/my_meal_plan_for_the_next_10_days_1_box_per_day/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/3f93976f1fa64adea56327ecfa251000?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=e024468edc209f627431a83764aab723

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[Rant/Rave] Food breakdown
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 25 21:11:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q87u1/food_breakdown/
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Okay so I made this vegan meal several days ago and I split it into 4 even portions and gave 2 to my mom, and ate one. I saved it three days ago for today, I had it all evenly portioned out and my mom ATE my remaining portion and just a part of hers so I have no idea how much of mine is left! It's not like I could weigh the entire casserole either so I have to guess and it's not low calorie either! I was saving this for today because I knew I was going to eat more food today but now I don't even know how much I get to eat and omg I fucking hate this stupid fucking disorder. DO NOT FUCK WITH MY FOOD.

edit: so I yelled at my mom about it and she turned it into a whole thing about me never having a relationship with someone because I get so upset over these things. I never *have* been in a relationship and she knows this and she just made it super fucking personal now, not only did she ruin my dinner but she made me feel like shit too.

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[Intro] Hello, all!
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" | 200 lbs | 29.5 | 30 lbs| Male]
Created: Wed Jan 25 21:07:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q877c/hello_all/
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Hi all, I'm new here (though I'm sure some of you have noticed a comment or two from the last day or so) and I just thought I should probably say hi.

I was in recovery for awhile (if you can call it that) and was eating fairly normally again and I realized one day when I had to dress up for a special event that I weigh more today than I did years ago before my ED really took hold. It devastated me and my ED reared its ugly head again. So I'm back at it with full force, it seems.

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo. This one is cool bc there isn't alot of poc thinspo i feel.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed Jan 25 21:02:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q86dp/daily_thinspo_this_one_is_cool_bc_there_isnt_alot/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/a066e898d8f64596a82ab90a090ef7c9?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=537cdea1a896f27be30e71635f4f904b

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[Other] one of my fav days of the year
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 151lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -14lbs | f]
Created: Wed Jan 25 20:30:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q80vd/one_of_my_fav_days_of_the_year/
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/#bellletstalk day was today and honestly, i love that my generation is so supportive of those with mental illnesses, and that canada has a day that we basically just scream on social media about how you need to not be shitty to people with mental illnesses and just :')

its one of those days that makes you feel good and cared about, even if you're not "out" with your personal struggles. i know its not super relevant to the sub but like. idk its v good vibes after a whole month of just garbage feelings.

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[Rant/Rave] Finally reached my (high school) low weight again, feeling so weird about it...
/u/frostbones [5'2 / CW: 86 / GW: 82 / HW: 132]
Created: Wed Jan 25 19:47:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q7tb0/finally_reached_my_high_school_low_weight_again/
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I deleted all my posts from last year. Not really sure why, but anyway...yeah...this isn't my first post. Irrelevant!

As of this morning, I'm 88 pounds again. I haven't weighed this little since I "recovered" but it just feels...wrong? I mean, I didn't even mean to lose the weight when I was a teenager; I had no idea I was anorexic until after it happened. It was so, so hard this time around...I guess maybe that's part of it, but I'm not sure.

I don't feel like my bmi is what it is. I feel like it's at least 20 still. I've never hated being short this much in my life. I've already lowered my "UGW" before even reaching it...

I can't sleep. I just can't. All I can do is lay there and think about how my partner said I "don't look sick" even though I've been starving myself hardcore for almost 6 months now and technically have an ""anorexic bmi"", think about how many calories to eat tomorrow (and which "meals" might make up those calories...and if I should eat at all...), think about how much I want to just eat a fucking pizza...think about how this is all coming to a head and it doesn't even feel worth it because I'm 5'2 and I'll only ever look a bit thin and not...really thin....think about how sick that makes me, wanting to look sick...

I always end up ranting when I post here. I'm sorry. I went from a fast day to 700 calories and I feel like I'll wake up 90 pounds again tomorrow and no matter how hard I try I can't stop yo-yoing...I'm stuck here. I'm stuck. I had thoughts that maybe recovery would be a good idea for the first time today, but I don't want it. I don't want to get bigger. I don't want to stay the same.

Am I gonna have to eat air to get to my ugw? Is 500-750 cals gonna stop being good enough? I'm STUCK and I'm SHORT and I'm HUNGRY and I'm ANXIOUS and I'm feeling a whole lot like a failure.

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[Help] Weight Fluctuation
/u/eurydiicce
Created: Wed Jan 25 19:21:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q7odk/weight_fluctuation/
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How do you guys deal with weight fluctuation? I compulsively weigh myself throughout the day. In the mornings, I weigh the lowest, but by the end of the day I can gain 2 - 3 lbs. For example, this morning I weight 102.3, and when I weighed myself 10 minutes ago, I weighed 105. I've gone through the bathroom throughout the day. Is it water weight? Is it from the food? There's no way I've eaten even half a pound of food today.

How do you keep yourself mentally sane with so much fluctuation?? When is the best time to weigh myself?

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What are your heights and calorie intakes? I noticed a lot of ppl here have "binges." How many times a week (or month) would you say you have them and how many calories?
/u/Eeffss
Created: Wed Jan 25 18:22:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q7dgk/what_are_your_heights_and_calorie_intakes_i/
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[removed]

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[Help] Ok seriously, am I doing something wrong???
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 168.2 | -24 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Wed Jan 25 18:03:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q79z7/ok_seriously_am_i_doing_something_wrong/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] At what BMI did people say you looked "too thin"?
/u/moondogmom [5'6 | 18.3 | GW: 105 | 26F]
Created: Wed Jan 25 17:49:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q7798/at_what_bmi_did_people_say_you_looked_too_thin/
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Just curious!

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] so I found my old 'Diary' from 4 years ago....
/u/SilenceConspiracy
Created: Wed Jan 25 17:33:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q74a3/rant_so_i_found_my_old_diary_from_4_years_ago/
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On mobile, can't flair, I apologize.

I've never really properly introduced myself on here because I've never been diagnosed with anything. I guess it's safe to say that I never thought I earned the title of having a eating disorder because not enough people were concerned about my weight and that I felt fat all the time. I still feel fat all the time, but that's besides the point.

I was doing some much needed cleaning in my room as I've just been motivated to go towards a minimalist lifestyle. Right when I saw it, I knew what it was. I didn't really read anything, but I have pages upon pages of emancipated girls that I drew as if they were angels and just hateful words and disfigured bodies all directed towards me. I can't believe how much I hated myself, how cruel I was towards myself. Just a glimpse of those pages makes me feel sick inside. The self portraits of myself show what I thought of myself at the time, and trust me, they put Picasso's disfiguration to shame.

But here's what's worse: just awhile ago I felt happy that all I've had today was a slice of bread and thinking about how my new work hours will be so beneficial in not having to eat until dinner. To this day, I haven't fixed anything at all, even though I thought I have. I still have those moments where I want to burst into tears and scream at the top of my lungs that I hate eating. That I hate talking about food unless we're talking about how to eat less and fast more. I want to scream that I hate food, that just because I eat doesn't mean I like it. I want to let everyone know that I'm not like them and to stop forcing me into uncomfortable situations. I feel like a alien trying to fit on Earth. I don't really belong here. We eat too much.

Sometimes I feel guilty before eating, sometimes during it, sometimes right after and sometimes much, much later. But i always regret it. Sometimes the hate for it is so strong that I fast or restrict. Sometimes the hate is there but I just want to be normal again so I eat.

Because of my messed up thoughts and extremely particular eating habits, I've lost so many friends because I don't like doing anything that concerns food... which is almost everything young adults like doing. I only feel comfortable eating around my two cousins and brother, and that's it. I don't want people seeing me eat, yet eating alone only intensifies the guilt. During family dinners I can't look anyone in the eye because to me it's so disgustingly intimate and I feel vulnerable. I feel like all eyes are on me, that I'm being judged.

I know it's not normal. But it's not like it's such a big deal now. 4 years ago, yeah I was underweight, but now I'm at a normal weight. Now I have this fat on my hips and I have actually have a bust and behind again. So I don't think I can even get help. I don't think I can even talk to anyone about it in the first place. I'm so ashamed of what I was, of what I still am.

I can't throw the diary away. If I could then that means I had really turned a new leaf, that I have changed, even just a little bit. The fact that I'm so drawn to it, that I want to read it and remember all that unneeded malicious pain just shows I've only been putting on a show.

I had to vent. This is the only place I thought I could rant about this diary sort of thing that pushed me deeper into my restrictive eating habits. Everyone always seems so kind here so I figured I wouldn't get any hate... anyways, I've ranted long enough. Might as well get back to cleaning.

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[Rant/Rave] That moment when all your calories for the day are coffee creamer, then your mom makes your weakness food. :(
/u/TiredOfBeingFat_ [6'0"| CW242 |BMI32 | 28lost | GW200]
Created: Wed Jan 25 17:29:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q73bp/that_moment_when_all_your_calories_for_the_day/
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Just ate two huge plates of a pasta bake. It was good, but fuck did I really have to eat that much? :( Then I try and purge, but I can't get anything up... Guess I try again tomorrow.... :(

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[Intro] Back after a hiatus of weight gain
/u/setniessesed [5'11.5" | CW: 157.4 GW: 130 | 20.88 | -2.6lbs | 21/F]
Created: Wed Jan 25 17:18:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q715j/back_after_a_hiatus_of_weight_gain/
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So I guess I'm gonna be hanging out here again. I gained back all the weight I lost and more, due to inexplicably being able to temporary ignore my appearance and its faults, and my laziness. That was really nice while it lasted. However I'm becoming more and more uncomfortable in my body and with myself again, so here I am again.


I'm studying abroad in the south of France right now with an exchange program, which is not only great in itself but is proving to be great for self control; the campus cafeterias are far from my dorm, as well as the nearest store. If it's a lot of effort to walk for half an hour to get there in the cold, I'm going to just not eat. I just got a scale here so I can finally keep track of myself again as well.


Glad to be back, in this morbid homey state. Cheers

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling disgusting
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Wed Jan 25 17:06:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q6yl0/feeling_disgusting/
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For the past couple weeks I've been doing really good in keeping calories down and exercising more. I've been eating around 500 calories (or less) a day and walking at least 2 miles. But today I had a HUGE dinner. French fries and pasta with alfredo sauce. I feel so disgusting, physically and actually. I feel sick from the food because I couldn't fucking stop eating because I have no self control, and I feel sick for being such a disgusting fatass.
The worst part is that I don't even know how many calories it was. I track my calories, and it feels horrible not knowing how much I ate, but I'm sure I went over my limit even on Lose It, which is 1,100 calories.
I feel so disgusting and ugly and stupid and fat, probably because I AM so disgusting and ugly and stupid and fat. I wish I could make myself purge but I've tried and I can't.
Anyways, sorry for the rant. I just don't know where else to talk about this kind of stuff.

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Basically how my day is going
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 25 16:38:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q6t8h/basically_how_my_day_is_going/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [rave] [idk] I accidentally fasted today
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 25 16:24:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q6qam/rave_idk_i_accidentally_fasted_today/
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[deleted]

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[Goal] First two days back on track going super well!!!
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'5" | CW fat | -5 | GW 120 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Jan 25 14:51:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q66fq/first_two_days_back_on_track_going_super_well/
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(On mobile, can't tag the post. :\ )

I just wanted to tell someone and don't know who/where else to do it, but I've FINALLY gotten back on track with my fasting. I only eat dinner, and I can actually let myself eat a satisfying amount and just ahhhh I love the self-control and don't feel any hunger throughout the day and I'm so happy right now.


Sorry, totally random. Just excited.

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I don't feel like I'm really anorexic.
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Wed Jan 25 14:15:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q5yht/i_dont_feel_like_im_really_anorexic/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] Weirdly inspirational book
/u/sugarspunglass [5'1 | 120 | 23.6 | -50 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 25 14:14:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q5y5i/weirdly_inspirational_book/
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I just finished reading the Life As We Knew It series by Susan Beth Pfeffer. It's about what happens to the world when an asteroid hits the moon and knocks it too close to Earth.

It's a good story but they talk SO MUCH about fasting, skipping meals, and calories!! I ended up being wayyy inspired & motivated by it which I don't think was the authors intention 😂

In the first book the protagonist goes from I think 115 lbs to under 90 lbs.

Anyway just thought I'd share for anyone looking for a fun read that has a heavy restriction theme to it 🤗

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[Other] I posted this as a comment on NYE but think it deserves its own post.
/u/mariamegale
Created: Wed Jan 25 13:58:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q5uog/i_posted_this_as_a_comment_on_nye_but_think_it/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Anyone starting the ABC diet soon?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 25 13:23:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q5msz/anyone_starting_the_abc_diet_soon/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] In the middle of a mental breakdown, courtesy of Sbux
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 113 | 19.35| Lost: 47|GW:☠]
Created: Wed Jan 25 13:12:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q5k8g/in_the_middle_of_a_mental_breakdown_courtesy_of/
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spent way too much on a black coffee, got home, openned the lid, not black.


Literally the first time I've decided to buy a coffee in ages. It's too expensive to throw away, and too many calories to drink. Fucking awesome.


Edit: Like i'm literally crying over a fucking cup of coffee. But no, totally don't have a problem with food hahaha

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[Rant/Rave] that horrible mid-binge feeling
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Wed Jan 25 13:11:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q5jxi/that_horrible_midbinge_feeling/
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when you're already feeling horribly guilty like I should stop right now...but the other half of you is like I haven't had carbs all month. and you know you're restricting after this and when the binge ends, you know it will be months before you will be experiencing taste.

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[Help] My face...omg. How can I get rid of the chubby cheeks?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 25 12:57:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q5goc/my_faceomg_how_can_i_get_rid_of_the_chubby_cheeks/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] What are your weight/scale rituals?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 25 12:55:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q5gb8/what_are_your_weightscale_rituals/
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Every morning I have to wait at least 10 hours after last eating for it to "count". I take off everything but my panties (TMI) and unload everything from my sistem (also TMI). And after that I have to measure my waist. Then of course I write it down and analyze what/what not to eat the next day based on how much I lose/didn't lose.

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[Other] Anyone Need A Non-Judgemental Adult To Talk To?
/u/PresentTense549
Created: Wed Jan 25 12:34:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q5bbr/anyone_need_a_nonjudgemental_adult_to_talk_to/
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[removed]

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Interesting article on the mindfulness around eating 🍎 - no flair on phone
/u/Cosmoflower [168cm | 152lbs| 24.43 | 19lbs | F]
Created: Wed Jan 25 10:34:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q4jwq/interesting_article_on_the_mindfulness_around/
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http://www.sbs.com.au/food/article/2017/01/17/eating-habit-will-help-you-curb-cravings-and-stop-overeating

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[Discussion] GW fantasies
/u/tokkibun [5'8 | 110 | GW: 104 | NB-afab]
Created: Wed Jan 25 10:11:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q4eih/gw_fantasies/
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When I was 17 and at my lowest weight a woman in a shop asked me if I was a ballerina because she said that I looked like one. Now six years later that is what's pushing me to reach my GW again. I've always loved the ballet and been infatuated with ballerinas.
Do any of y'all have something like that that pushes you or keeps you going?

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[Rant/Rave] Finally someone seems to care!
/u/Hi_ImDonnaChang [5'5" | 108lbs | 18.18 | GW 95lbs | F]
Created: Wed Jan 25 09:33:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q461g/finally_someone_seems_to_care/
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I have been so stressed out for months due to changes at work that directly impact my role. Around October my ED became more of a focus/priority for me as a way of coping with the work-stress. I've had an ED for 20 years and not a day goes by when I'm not constantly thinking about my weight, food, etc. However, my weight had been stable around 120 lbs for a few years...until I started losing in October. Knowing full well that I was embracing the "return" of my ED as a way of coping with the stress at work, I decided to run with it. I believe it was around that time that I joined this sub with a new account.

I digress... anyway this morning one of the ladies at work (she's a total gym rat with a banging bod) said "have you lost weight? You look so tiny. Is it because of stress?" I said yes which is partially true. Finally I feel like I'm getting somewhere! My goal is to lose enough that when I go for my annual physical my Dr. is going to freak out because I've lost [hopefully] 20lbs since my last visit. And I pray she puts me on stress leave so finally they realize how much stress they've been putting me through. By "they" I mean work/my boss. I've been very open with my boss about my concerns with the changes, but he doesn't care. My husband knows I'm constantly breaking down in tears at work and can't function without 1.5mg of Klonopin a day. He also knows that I'm trying to lose more weight even though he says I look "gross" and yet he still doesn't care enough. So I continue to come into work each day even though I feel like it's killing me and I could very easily become dependent on the Klonopin... I guess I sorta am already, but I don't take it on non-work days.

If you read this, thanks. I'm feeling a little more hopeful today that people are finally going to start to care about me. And I'm going to bust my ass to reach 95lbs so I can make an appointment with my Dr.

Something funny - spellcheck wants to change "klonopin" to "Klondike" Hahahaha you wish!!!!

---

[Help] Trying IF for the first time!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 25 08:32:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q3ss9/trying_if_for_the_first_time/
---
Anyone else doing this today?? I want to try 23:1 but I have never before and have no idea what I'm doing and am stressed haha.

How do you push through the hunger and what drinks are allowed?

---

[Rant/Rave] The scale finally moved!
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Wed Jan 25 08:09:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q3nz7/the_scale_finally_moved/
---
I weigh in every morning but my big weigh ins are on Tuesdays (when I log my weight and compare it to the weeks before). Anyway, I hadn't seen the scale drop at all since Sunday even though I'm barely consuming any calories and have been taking an extra EC stack everyday. Yesterday sucked bad but so I didn't eat anything at all, I just drank a ton of water and black coffee. This morning I got on the scale and another 2 pounds dropped off! I must have been holding some extra water or something.

I was just really excited and had to share!

---

[Rant/Rave] im a terrible person but
/u/bvvvg
Created: Wed Jan 25 08:07:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q3npf/im_a_terrible_person_but/
---
i love keeping a mental note of the calories my roommate eats. and i recently found out i am about 15 pounds lighter than her and the motivation to keep getting that number lower has kept me from binging all week. she's super nice and i have nothing against her but it's sort of great to have an actual living challenge to beat!

---

[Intro] Back by popular demand; this time with more self loathing!
/u/Droppdtabl [5'2" | 118lbs | 21.5 | idk rn]
Created: Wed Jan 25 07:16:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q3dzn/back_by_popular_demand_this_time_with_more_self/
---
Not sure how to flair on mobile, sorry.

It's been ages and now that I look I haven't changed an ounce. Fun stuff.

I tried to go shopping and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The image stayed with me all day. Oh god. The horror.

Everything is just so... Shit.

I don't know how I'll get back on track but I'm determined not to purge right now. I just... hate myself a lot but I'll try nonetheless.

Alright, thanks guys.

Btw is that kik group still running? I think I was kicked for inactivity or something.

---

[Help] Birth control on an empty stomach and now puking... how do I relieve the nausea?
/u/tropicalling
Created: Wed Jan 25 06:54:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q3a0h/birth_control_on_an_empty_stomach_and_now_puking/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q3a0h/birth_control_on_an_empty_stomach_and_now_puking/

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday January 25, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jan 25 05:09:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q2ts0/way_to_go_wednesday_january_25_2017/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for January 25, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 25, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jan 25 05:09:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q2tri/daily_food_diary_january_25_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 25, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Thinspo] Just some thinspo.
/u/FatGrlThin
Created: Wed Jan 25 04:19:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q2njg/just_some_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/e752be541f914ed98b10ed9cd3b8ee12?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=042ed092786cea02bdcd2daf67d8dd84

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[Rant/Rave] God bless EC stacks
/u/cinamintoast [5'7" | 168 | 26.22 | -102lb | F]
Created: Wed Jan 25 02:18:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q29r6/god_bless_ec_stacks/
---
I have been on a horrible binge streak since the holidays. The last week especially has been terrible, like 3000+ calories a day for a week straight. I go to the store and tell myself I'm only going to buy 800 calories worth of stuff and then suddenly I have frozen pizzas and hot pockets and mac and cheese and I go home and eat it all in one sitting and want to kill myself. I was feeling desperate so I decided to try EC stacking. I was able to fast yesterday and go home after work without the unrelenting voice in my head urging me to stuff my face. Today I went to the grocery store after work and actually stuck to my limit, and I feel satisfied with what I ate (or at least as much as I can with an ED). I am finally feeling in control again. It's definitely not a cure-all, the binge voice in my head is still there, but it's quieter and I can tune it out easier. I know you build up a tolerance over time, but I'm just hoping this helps give me the push I need to end this binge cycle for good.

---

[Rant/Rave] My life is a mess; obviously, it's time for restricting.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 25 02:14:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q29b5/my_life_is_a_mess_obviously_its_time_for/
---
I started a binge period before Christmas. Continued over holidays - so much food around, how could I not? Tried to break it in the new year. Failed after a few days. Been bingeing every day since then.
Gained back pretty much everything I managed to lose last year. Twenty pounds, if not more. I'm afraid to step on the scale now. But I have to.

I have a BA to write and submit. ASAP. And I mean ASAP. It requires a lot of focus and organizing, and time, and editing. I can't even estimate the level of completion - 60-70%? Which doesn't sound that bad, but I have the worst, heaviest part left to do. It's murder on my poor anxiety-ridden mind. Not to mention I don't like it. It's basically an art degree, and what I produced for it feels so. Alien. It doesn't represent me well, it doesn't look like what I had in mind. To make things worse, I have to hurry if I want to get into the MA course, which starts in March. Obviously, you need to have your BA first. Here's the catch though - there's no guarantee the course will even begin because there's just not enough candidates. The next opportunity would be September, the winter semester. But there's no guarantee here, either. And I want to have an MA, I want to continue this course. But I guess I can suck it, cause it's not even up to me.

Yesterday, I also had a huge fight with ex-gf-turned-bff, one of the reasons was my weight gain and binges. She's not answering my messages now. She's the only person left who knows me well, all of my problems, ideas, almost everything. I honestly do not talk to anyone else besides her. But I guess this ship has sailed.

I don't have any other choice left. I have to go back to restricting. Everything falls apart when I don't restrict. It doesn't matter that it multiplies my health issues, makes me more vulnerable to anger and acting selfish. But if I can re-estabilish control here, maybe the rest will follow. At this point, I don't have anything to lose besides the fat. I'm single and pretty sure it'll stay that way forever. I don't have any friends. My family has zero idea what is really going on in my life and I want it to stay that way. They don't really care anyway as long as I do what is expected of me. I guess OA would take me in again, but the meetings are only once a week (not enough for me) and I'm too anxious to ask for sponsoring.

Binges are the only way for me to wind down, forget about my shitty situation for a bit. I often get so high on the sugar it leaves me unable to do anything, let alone the work I'm supposed to do. It's basically what a bottle of wine is for a high-functioning alcoholic after a long, hard day at work.

So hey, look, I'm back! At least I can feel like a legit member of this place again! And not a bingeing sack of shame or something.

TL;DR Binges were helping me cope with the rough time I'm having rn but it stops here

---

[Rant/Rave] im so over puking
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 151lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -14lbs | f]
Created: Wed Jan 25 01:46:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q26bo/im_so_over_puking/
---
im so annoyed with the fact that i cant just eat less that my limit and instead noooo i end up purging. i did so good at not purging (even when i went over!!) for like, 2 month-ish. its so gross and im getting grossly efficient with it. blehk.

i also need to uninstall uber eats because well yeah

---

[Thinspo] Leg thinspo
/u/greenso [5'11" | 136.5 | -43 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Jan 25 01:38:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q25gm/leg_thinspo/
---
http://imgur.com/umHZAb3

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[Discussion] Has anyone experienced constant panic attacks as they restrict intake?
/u/originalpizzamaster
Created: Wed Jan 25 01:07:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q222v/has_anyone_experienced_constant_panic_attacks_as/
---
Just trying to see if anyone else has had a similar experience? Ever since I've lost a fair amount of weight in the past 3 months and have also been restricting to fairly low intake I've been having severe panic attacks at least once a day. Not triggered by food/eating, they're seemingly out of nowhere. Have stopped drinking alcohol and limit myself to one coffee a day in the morning but that hasn't had an effect. I feel like the doctors I'm seeing aren't taking me seriously and don't care so I thought I'd see if anyone here can shed some light!

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[Rant/Rave] Different scales say different things
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 25 00:53:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q20gv/different_scales_say_different_things/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] lauren tsai
/u/wearebulletproof [5'4 | fat | 20F🎀✨]
Created: Tue Jan 24 23:49:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q1si1/lauren_tsai/
---
https://imgur.com/a/L1UGH

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[Thinspo] arm goals <3
/u/diet247x [5'3 | BMI: 23.0 | -20 lbs | GW: 90 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 23:44:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q1rua/arm_goals_3/
---
https://i.redd.it/7uilbn471tby.jpg

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[Thinspo] Weight loss thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 24 22:39:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q1ift/weight_loss_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/605ff2d8677f42459c7b1d0e30521a37?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=0e7ca25ba2d3061a15ba2ebe244452e7

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[Discussion] weirdest thing you've ever compared your weight to?
/u/ifuckpineapples [5'3" | 100.8 | 17.8 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 21:57:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q1bv2/weirdest_thing_youve_ever_compared_your_weight_to/
---
I was just out walking with my friend and his dog, and he made some joke about how I weigh three times as much as his dog (context isn't related to weight really). so I immediately asked (b/c ED) how much his dog weighed. 37 pounds.

I can faintly hear him backpedal and explain he wasn't trying to guess my weight or anything as I started frantically calculating how off he was. I realized my ugw is 2.5 of his dog, 87lbs. I'm currently at one hundred as of five minutes ago (yay). why is this weirdly motivating me now???

so, what's the weirdest and/or saddest thing you've ever compared yourself to weight wise?

---

[Rant/Rave] Gained a pound, so I binged.
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 24.03 | -68lbs | M]
Created: Tue Jan 24 21:50:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q1av7/gained_a_pound_so_i_binged/
---
I literally don't understand my mind sometimes. I gained a pound. Rationally I know that it's no big deal but in my mind I just can't stop thinking about how absolutely disgusting I still am. Before my shower today I stood in front of the mirror and couldn't stop finding things to critique. My arms are flabby, I STILL have a fucking uncle-gut, my thighs are jelly rolls and I just know that I'm going to have loose skin when I reach my UGW. I started down this road disgusting and I've come all this way and I'm still disgusting.

So does this give me strength to try harder and stay on track? Nope. It just makes me want to binge binge binge and when I binge I want to die. I don't get it. It's the same bullshit where if I eat 50 calories over my budget I figure the day is fucked and I might as well pack on the pounds! SMH -.-

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[Rant/Rave] I officially weigh too little to give blood
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 114 | HW 180 | LW 107 | 29 F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 20:59:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q12by/i_officially_weigh_too_little_to_give_blood/
---
Okay, so THAT part is actually unfortunate, since I've given blood many times.

But... 109.5? I don't think I've weighed this little since elementary school. The elation of a new low weight is lasting longer than usual this time. And yet... I know it shouldn't be that way. And that makes me kind of sad. I want to get better, but I also don't.

I see psychiatry tomorrow for the first time since five weeks ago (because the psychiatrist screwed up the scheduling). I am really hoping they are still able to help me as an outpatient. In November, I was admitted at just over 110. I absolutely CAN'T go back to that terrible inpatient program. I came out psychologically worse than I went in.

This was probably kind of a pointless post. I just felt like telling people who would understand.

Thanks for being there.

---

[Rant/Rave] just a terrible binge
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|GW:120 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 20:51:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q10xu/just_a_terrible_binge/
---
over break I did over eat as I was with family and it is hard to tell them that I am not hungry. Now that I am back at school I really felt that I would be able to get back my control but it is the second week of school and I have just binged on chinese food and ice cream. I just feel so sick that I want to purge but I am really trying not to go down that path. I am just so unhappy with my body and my mind...how do you guys stay strong? I am on a college campus and the smell of food is everywhere from bake sales to food trucks and walking to class after a day or so of not eating is like hell....

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[Rant/Rave] Interview gave me motivation!
/u/cinnamoncactus [5'6'' | 115 | 18.4 | -98 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 20:39:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q0yxc/interview_gave_me_motivation/
---
Just a random rave here but... I had a promising job interview today that's putting me a huge step closer to my dream job! It's in special education with developmentally disabled and emotionally disturbed children (I want to work in CPS and eventually school psychology) and it went super well, interview and potential coworker wise. I saw only a few slim/normal weight teachers/assistants there and i felt like I was actually small. I feel a bit like that in my current job caregiving (a lot of caregivers here are heftier but not an overwhelming majority) but it just gave me such a boost. If I get this job I will be restricting 200 less cals a day and I'm just so happy right now. The setting will be far more active so I may be able to cut down to 45 minutes of cardio instead of 60-90. I did not have anywhere/anyone else to express my full feelings to, so here's my word explosion.
I haven't felt this real happy in a while c:

---

[Other] My friend died, and I've so much paranoia about purging that now I don't even bother eating
/u/MiaWreck
Created: Tue Jan 24 20:11:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q0ty6/my_friend_died_and_ive_so_much_paranoia_about/
---
My friend died pretty much in front of me. I don't know if I've really accepted it yet. I keep expecting him to text me any moment. He was so alive just a few days ago, and it's hard to believe that he's gone. At first, I had such strong emotions. It was that sort of truly deep sadness that he was robbed of his dreams that he'll never achieve and opportunities that he'll never take.

Somehow, hunger makes me cold and emotionless. And it's such a relief. I didn't expect it. Usually, I would purge to feel better, but because I had such bad anxiety about not being able to purge everything yesterday, now I don't want to eat anything that would give me anxiety were I not able to purge everything.

I don't want to restrict because in the past, restricting lead to binging and even when it didn't, it lead to the mind games of food and binging. That was torture for me. I only purge to feel better, but now I need hunger. But what I hate is that the hunger doesn't last forever. I'll be hungry for 20 min, and then it fades to neutral. And then now I need to eat so that I can at least purge. I'm thinking I'll just drink milk or diet soda or something and purge that.

---

[Rant/Rave] By no means trying to trivialize the struggle of purgers, but emetophobia sucks :(
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 19:51:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q0qau/by_no_means_trying_to_trivialize_the_struggle_of/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT] I was doing so well. . .
/u/Four_Names [5'6"|CW 137|BMI 22.2| -33.9| F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 19:44:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q0oyx/rant_i_was_doing_so_well/
---
I was finally getting back into restriction mode after a week of binging, and succeeded on only eating an orange the whole day. It was going so well! I was barely hungry, staying crazy hydrated and threw out everything I might binge on later.

. . . But then guess who came home with brownies and mini donuts, saying I "deserved a treat" for all my hard work...

. . .And guess who ate fucking all of it :(

I hate myself.

---

New here!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 24 18:47:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q0ee5/new_here/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Tue Jan 24 18:10:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q07gd/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/51586101ecbf48e4b1438a80109481d5?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=1822410372951967d65d1f6300e83e05

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[Other] Well, I've had a completely rubbish day. Let's do something fun!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 24 18:07:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q06xm/well_ive_had_a_completely_rubbish_day_lets_do/
---
Reply to this post with your name (or any name, if you're not comfortable with posting personal info on here) ~~at~~ and I'll write down poetic thinspo based on it :)

**edit**: guys i had a typo and no one told me what kind of friends are you

**edit 2:** okay, so it's nearing 12AM (EST). i'll try to finish up the ones that i'm getting currently. if any more come in, i'll work on them tomorrow :)

**edit 3:** it's now one in the morning, i still have about four or five more poems to write (don't worry guys, i didn't forget about you! i just need some shut-eye lol). i will post them tomorrow (expect them to come in around 9AM to 2PM)! thanks for everyone who replied with a name. I hope you guys at least liked my poems? I know interacting with this community makes me feel better, so I hope that I had the same effect on some of you :)

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[Rant/Rave] Rant/rave: is it too late for a new year, new me?
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 🐷 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 17:55:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q04nd/rantrave_is_it_too_late_for_a_new_year_new_me/
---
I need to get back on track.

Living with my bf before Christmas made me complacent. I stopped restricting, stopped counting calories, stopped caring, started enjoying the feeling of being warm, started enjoying food again.

I kept telling myself 'after Christmas I'll do better' but I just sat at home binging on chocolate with my family. It's too easy.

I was given loads of chocolate and junk food during and after Christmas.
I feel like I can't throw it away because a lot were gifts.

(Also my best friend brought me loads of food from Italy and told me she's intentionally trying to make me get fat cos she can't stand how skinny I am compared to her)....wtf. If only she knew the struggle.

Yet I can't just ration myself to eat one chocolate/unhealthy thing a day because:

a) I have no self control.

b) My stupid brain keeps telling me to eat more even though I'm not hungry, I don't look at the calories so that I can stuff my face and pretend to be ignorant.

b) I feel like I can't restrict properly until I have no more junk food in the cupboards.

Therefore I feel the need to binge on it all now just to get rid of it so that tomorrow it'll be gone.

What is wrong with me.

Today was the first day I haven't binged.
Really trying to keep it together and keep going. Gonna try and be accountable.

---

[Rant/Rave] forced family dinners
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 24 17:37:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q013w/forced_family_dinners/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] She ate all of my Halo Top... D:
/u/bequietbelly [5'10" | CW 149 | HW ≥ 200 |LW 130 | GW 125 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 17:32:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5q007t/she_ate_all_of_my_halo_top_d/
---
There was a sale on Halo Top, so I bought six in various flavors to do six days of ice cream mono. I was looking forward to it so much--too bad a certain member of my household who shall remain nameless decided it would be a cool idea to eat ALL of them. In two days.

[Caught them finishing it off this morning.](http://i.imgur.com/rhFUQv9.mp4)

I asked, "Is that the last one?" They just smiled and said, "Yep!" and cheerfully kept on eating it.

Get your own ice cream, motherfucker! Grrr...

---

[Discussion] What do you want from the people who love you?
/u/soundsituation
Created: Tue Jan 24 17:17:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pzx9q/what_do_you_want_from_the_people_who_love_you/
---
I don't have an ED but I know others who do, and I've learned the hard way that it's all too easy to fuck up even when you have the best intentions. So that's why I'm asking: because I want to do better.

The question is intentionally open-ended. "Love" here can be romantic, platonic, parental, or anything else as long as it's genuine. What do you wish your SO/friend/mom/teacher/etc. knew about how best to support you? Please feel free to make your answers as generic or detailed as you like. And finally, thanks for letting me participate in your community. I'm continually amazed by the level of insight and intelligence on display in this sub.

---

[Intro] New to community - friends?
/u/Mountain_Maddie
Created: Tue Jan 24 17:16:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pzx70/new_to_community_friends/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Scale Vs. No Scale Dillema.
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 15:42:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pzdpi/scale_vs_no_scale_dillema/
---
I am having trouble making a decision regarding buying a scale and wanted some opinions!
For the first 35 lbs of my weight loss I did not have consistent access to a scale and only weighed myself at the doctor's/ a friends house, took measurements. and basically just trysting that if I was eating at a deficit I was losing something (which I was). When I went home for break my dad had a scale so I couldn't resist weighing myself everyday and now that I am back I sort of want to buy a scale.
My dilemma is that a) I think having access to the scale may have slowed down my weight loss? b) I'm not ready to recover at all, but I do have a very difficult load this semester and do want to try and be slightly less rigid and I'm not sure a scale would help that.

But on the other hand I am 8 lbs away from what I think is my UGW and I certainly don't want to risk unknowingly gaining anything back. I just want to lose it, and watch the numbers go down and feel like a success at SOMETHING.

I don't know what to do. Thoughts?

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[Discussion] How much water do you drink?
/u/pussystrongerthangod [168cm | 119lb | 19.2 | vegan cow | F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 15:29:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pzb06/how_much_water_do_you_drink/
---
I've never purposefully increased or decreased my liquid intake, as long as it's basically calorie free I'm happy.

Are most of you the same, having as much water (/cal-free drink) as you want?

& why do some folks restrict water? Apologies for my naivety.

*sorry, i can't flair i'm on my phone*
*also can't update my pathetic weight change*

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Am I restricting enough?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 24 14:53:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pz2y7/am_i_restricting_enough/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Being threatened to eat...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 24 14:48:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pz1yn/being_threatened_to_eat/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] today has been a hot mess
/u/eldariya [6'4 | 138.7 | 15.8 | -127.3 | M]
Created: Tue Jan 24 14:28:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pyxd0/today_has_been_a_hot_mess/
---
First I wake up 3 hours late to college (had a 16 hour sleep lol)
Miss college completely
Feel like i'm annoying everyone I speak to
Guy I always speak to, isn't replying

only eat 900 cals as I'm restricting again
and I'm like yes bitch fuck me in the ass
impulsively decides to order a large portion of chips and chicken nuggets at 8pm
eats it, turns out its 1700 cals.
ends day at 2600 cals and still hungry.
[fuck mah lyf lmao srsly](https://youtu.be/tGS9u12HLTg?t=1727)

---

[Help] Anybody who has quit purging: How did you do it?
/u/charredsouls
Created: Tue Jan 24 13:19:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pyhl9/anybody_who_has_quit_purging_how_did_you_do_it/
---
If you've read any of my previous posts, you'll know that I have been purging since last summer. At first, I'm not going to lie: it was awesome. Being able to eat literally anything I wanted without repercussions felt like a miracle. Back then I thought I was in control, and that I could stop whenever I wanted. We all know how that goes. Right now I am purging about 2-3 days a week, which isn't as high as a lot of people, but it's obviously a problem.

I'm determined to quit this, but I am at a loss as to how to go about it. I have tried high restriction, where I eat 1400-1700 calories. It works for about a day or two, but when I see the water weight I've gained on the scale it throws me back into fasting. Then, when I've fasted too long, I'll inevitably binge hardcore (like 8,000 calories) and purge it.

Or, if I'm having a really shitty day, I almost go into autopilot and start shoving food down my mouth. It's not until I've already eaten 2,000+ calories that I even consider what I've done. Then, I tell myself not to purge and learn from my mistake. The problem is I will feel like a wreck until I get rid of the food.

It's incredibly overwhelming. The other day I was at a local grocery store and they had a clearance section. I saw some cookies for $.50 and my immediate thought was: That'd be great to b/p on. It made me realize how fucked up my thinking has become. It used to be that I'd purge to get rid of slip ups in my otherwise normal diet. Now, I go out of my way to gorge myself so that I can purge.

So, for anybody who has successfully quit purging: How did you do it? Any ideas/suggestions would be super appreciated.

---

[Discussion] Has anyone else experienced this?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 24 13:16:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pyh1p/has_anyone_else_experienced_this/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] [Help] I keep losing and gaining back the same ten fucking pounds.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 24 13:06:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pyeml/help_i_keep_losing_and_gaining_back_the_same_ten/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] was just accused of throwing around the term "body dysmorphia"
/u/hallelujah-money [5'6|SW 181|CW 148.6 |GW 125|19F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 12:43:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5py992/rantrave_was_just_accused_of_throwing_around_the/
---
Thanks, stranger on the internet. You're right, I do throw the term around loosely to garner attention! Body dysmorphia is when you obsess over your skewed, negative perception of your body. Which I certainly don't have.


Breaking out into a full blown panic attack in front of your mom and aunt because they told you you weren't fat and you thought they were lying to you definitely means you don't have body dysmorphia.


Seeing your face in the mirror and suddenly noticing that your nose is huge and obsessing on that for months definitely doesn't mean you have body dysmorphia.


Looking in the mirror and seeing a different, disgusting body everyday doesn't mean you have body dysmorphia.


Viewing yourself the same as when you were 120lbs vs 180lbs definitely doesn't mean you have body dysmorphia.


Having a strong familial history of body dysmorphic disorder doesn't set you up to have body dysmorphia.


And most of all, having an official diagnosis of body dysmorphic disorder doesn't mean you have body dysmorphia.


Suck my fucking dick. Guess who's not eating until their boyfriend comes back from vacation??? This guy!!!

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[Other] TIL that: I eat less than a prisoner in a gulag.
/u/poisonandvenom [5'7" | 145 | 22.8 | F |]
Created: Tue Jan 24 12:08:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5py1c3/til_that_i_eat_less_than_a_prisoner_in_a_gulag/
---
DELETED.

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[Discussion] Body fat monitor
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 24 10:33:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pxfzy/body_fat_monitor/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT] Ugh, men...
/u/daughterofpolonius
Created: Tue Jan 24 10:03:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5px9n1/rant_ugh_men/
---
No offense to all of the beautiful men here, but I am insanely jealous of all of you!

My boyfriend recently hit a new LW and he hasn't even been restricting or even really trying. He pretty much eats whenever he wants. Meanwhile, I'll starve myself for days and drop two pounds.

I swear, dudes can sneeze and drop 5 pounds 😖😖😖😖😖

---

Plan b does it causes weight gain?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 24 09:33:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5px39m/plan_b_does_it_causes_weight_gain/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Help me post my stats im new
/u/Haywiid
Created: Tue Jan 24 08:56:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pwv7w/help_me_post_my_stats_im_new/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Having symptoms even on higher intake
/u/lunarian7
Created: Tue Jan 24 08:44:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pwsmu/having_symptoms_even_on_higher_intake/
---
So I'm usually eating around 1000-1200 calories a day but I'm still feeling cold and having to wear my winter coat inside, getting lightheaded, having no sex drive etc.

Is that normal? I'd expect it to be on really low intake but what I'm eating is right around what's considered the minimum to be "healthy".

Just wondering if anyone else is this way too, it kind of sucks but also kind of makes me feel powerful and accomplished??

Edit: mobile, no flair I'm sorry

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Boat trip in June or July
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 24 08:29:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pwpp0/boat_trip_in_june_or_july/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] [DISCUSSION] I feel like I can smell food 1,000x more after heavily restricting for a while.
/u/ITDIDNTHAPPENISWEA-
Created: Tue Jan 24 08:21:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pwo0a/discussion_i_feel_like_i_can_smell_food_1000x/
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Yesterday I smelled someone opening a honey bun on the other side of the classroom. Today I smelled someone with skittles at the end of the hall. Like, really really strong smells both times.

The bright side is I find satisfaction in just smelling it, the sugary sweets around high school are so strong-scented I can almost taste it and ta-da. Craving curved :p

Anyone else?

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[Rant/Rave] I know it's not logical, but what if the scales don't go down??
/u/PizzaInMyUrethra [5'5" | CW: INSANE | GW1: 150 | 24F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 07:51:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pwi7p/i_know_its_not_logical_but_what_if_the_scales/
---
I've bitten the bullet, finally weighed myself and bought a new set of scales.

199 - The heaviest I've EVER been. I always said if I got to 200 I'd kill myself.

I fast all day, and just eat dinner with my partner in the evening to avoid any questions. (Around 500-600 cals)

I can just remember purging after every meal when I was 16, but the scales would just be stuck at 110 for weeks on end. I'm just worried I have some weird body that can never lose weight.

I work all day so have no time / energy for exercise. I'm a disgusting lazy whale who can barely survive as it is. Trying desperately not to give up, but I'm terrified I won't ever lose even 1 pound.

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[Other] Post your grocery hauls!
/u/electille [5'7 | 123 | 19.2 | ?]
Created: Tue Jan 24 07:42:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pwgd9/post_your_grocery_hauls/
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Going to the grocery store in the midst of cravings probably isn't good....

I got pickles, vindaloo sauce, sriracha, lentils, bean sprouts, and water chestnuts.

What have you guys gotten most recently?

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[Discussion] Does anyone else do this?
/u/rma89
Created: Tue Jan 24 07:29:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pwdzv/does_anyone_else_do_this/
---
I put out eggs, cheese, onions and oil on the counter and take a snap (snapchat) and send it my husband at work when I wake up. Just telling him good morning or something silly. Then I put everything back and drink green tea with a bit of cinnamon. I also make sure to put a pan by the sink for evidence...

Edit: sorry about the flair I'm on mobile.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm poor and my coworker found out
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 168.2 | -24 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Tue Jan 24 07:23:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pwcwt/im_poor_and_my_coworker_found_out/
---
So, I'm currently in my final semester of university and going through my clinical teaching to become a high school teaher, which doesn't pay any money but definitely takes up literally all of my time (like 730 AM to 545 PM Monday thru Friday). This has been a blessing and a curse because I can't afford food really, just small stuff like soups, flavored water, coffee, and granola bars. On top of that, my fridge broke two/three weeks ago and the boyfriend and I are still gathering funds to fix it. So, all food had to go in the trash, both in the freezer and the fridge.

Well, yesterday a fellow clinical teacher who I've been casual friends with since last semester was talking about foods and healthy eating and I casually was like well whenever I get my damn fridge fixed, blah blah blah, would have to wait to buy food after that anyway. She praises me for surviving through it because she couldn't stand to live without a fridge even for a few days (yeah its not fun), and that's that.


Well I come to work this morning and she hands me a giant gift bag and says, "it's not charity, I just know you like to eat healthy and think you deserve some veggies."

Guys...she gave me a bag full of carrots, apples, miso soup packets, avocados, pasta salad packets, trail mix, sipping broth...like a fucking jackpot of food. I might cry. I didn't even know what to say I just thanked her like 20 times and hugged her so hard.

It just seriously made my heart glow and helped me save $7 today on a frozen meal I would've had to buy. feelsgoodman.jpg

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[Discussion] Intermittent fasting??
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 05:11:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pvrnb/intermittent_fasting/
---
Just wondering if anyone has any experiences with it. The vegan I follow on YouTube said you just eat only within an eight hour period. Anyone tried it??

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A January 24, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jan 24 05:08:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pvrao/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_january_24_2017/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 24, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jan 24 05:08:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pvra5/daily_food_diary_january_24_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 24, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] coffee of choice?
/u/commtra [5'7 | BMI: 22 | GW:100 | -35 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 05:06:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pvr2i/coffee_of_choice/
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what do you order at coffee shops? working as a barista I've noticed thin people usually order a small regular coffee with milk and no sugar.

I was always into chai lattes but now I've started ordering the same small plain coffee with milk.

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[Rant/Rave] Restricting and periods
/u/eggtitties
Created: Tue Jan 24 04:06:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pvjpq/restricting_and_periods/
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I've been heavily restricting lately and my period is ridiculously heavy! I've always had very light periods but yesterday it was so bad it was literally pouring down my legs . I just want to lose my period >.<

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[Thinspo] Debra Shaw
/u/notthinohno [161cm |Too Much | A Big Number | - Not Enough lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 04:03:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pvjck/debra_shaw/
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http://imgur.com/1QYAK4F

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[Thinspo] An inspo song for you guys <3
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 24 02:22:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pv7rb/an_inspo_song_for_you_guys_3/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6-ZGAGcJrk

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[Other] I found this really interesting - it shows you your BMI compared to the rest of your countries population
/u/yes2theaddress [5'8 | cgw:125 | -40 | f]
Created: Tue Jan 24 02:11:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pv6hk/i_found_this_really_interesting_it_shows_you_your/
---
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-18770328

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[Rant/Rave] Why I've been struggling a lot lately and advice very much needed.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 24 02:02:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pv5gh/why_ive_been_struggling_a_lot_lately_and_advice/
---
Even at my worst times of b/p-ing, I could always restrict fine. That was easy for now. If I ate too much, it just came back up. Didn't have a need to keep anything down. But things have changed and I'm kicking myself every damn day. I keep planning to fast or even keep things low, but fuck up over and over.

* The family I work for is insanely wealthy. They spend the equivalent of my monthly income solely on cheese each week. They are huge foodies and I get FOMO. When am I going to get to try this food or that food again? I never had black truffle pecorino until now.

* If I was restricting normally, I could just not be around food. Easy. Now I cook a multi-course dinner 5 nights per week. Even though I don't eat dinner with them, I take little tastes and bites. I hate it.

* They buy my dream binges. Groceries are delivered every week and it's so stressful. They let me have anything I'd like of theirs and I can't take it. I just unloaded cheeses and gnocchi and nutella and bread and sweets. It's too easy to just grab something and ruin my whole day.

* I've been here for 5 months and managed to put on ~15 pounds. Rich food and trying not to purge is fucking me up.

* I have to wear real clothes. It's easy to fast and feel successful when I'm in loungewear. But I have to put on jeans and a top and I feel so constricted. It makes me anxious and triggers eating and that whole 'start fresh tomorrow' mentality.

* I'm too 'all-or-nothing'. In theory, I should be able to have a couple bites of food they offer me and leave it at that. But I have this weird thing about being 'clean and pure'. I feel dirty from even one bite of food and can't leave it at that. Why can't I stop at a few bites? It's a few hundred calories at most and it'd be easy to drop weight if I left it at that.

* I have 6 more months here. 6 more months. I have to get something done and change something. They are leaving for vacation for a week in February and I'm going to fast, but I need something for now.

I need to be able to function on a day-to-day basis. I'm so exhausted. It's just fucking food. It shouldn't be such a big deal.

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[Rant/Rave] I feel like crying
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 23 23:55:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pur57/i_feel_like_crying/
---
I fuck everything up. I ate these stupid candies I didn't need and now I'm in the living room looking at progress pics being super jelly of the girls that have gotten really skinny. That'll never be me 😥😭😩

AlSO SO will be upset I fell asleep in the living room but I feel too fat to be in bed with him.

Mobile no flAir
Rant

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[Rant/Rave] Idk whatever.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 23 23:43:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pupqm/idk_whatever/
---
I'm falling back into high school habits. I'm going to school and living with my mom and I've never outright lied since then but I'm back telling her I already ate today and I'm not gonna eat dinner. And it feels, I dunno, nostalgic. I miss being young.

I go through the grocery store and I'm not even interested in food anymore. But I am. I want to eat everything but I look down the aisles and I already know what everything tastes like and it's no longer exciting. I'm just hungry. Even on 2000 calories a day I'd still be hungry. So why even eat at all.

The more I starve the more I want to cry, not just because of low blood sugar but because I realize that no matter what I won't feel better. I could eat and break my diet and stay the same weight, and be depressed. I could not eat and lose weight, but it wouldn't be enough or fast enough and I would still be depressed. My depression is back and my self esteem is in the gutter and I frankly imposed this on myself by setting a stupid vain goal because I have nothing better to do with my life.

I don't know if I should even be here. Maybe choosing to relapse (after all, I feel like we are partially choosing to be here) is dumb. But I don't know if living chronically unsatisfied with a "normal BMI" is worse. And I want to just try and see if it gets better with weight loss. But it won't. I won't magically have friends or a fun life or a boyfriend or anything I want once I lose weight. In fact socially speaking it would probably lower the chances of that. Maybe after I lose weight I can just get it through my head it won't fix anything.

I'll never have a good relationship with food. I've tried. I don't know why. Food is not even that great. There are so many other things I could be enjoying but I don't. I suffer from dysthymia but I don't eve know which comes first now. I starve because I'm depressed and I'm depressed because I starve. If I stopped starving I would still have depression. I feel like I might as well be *accomplishing* something using depression as a weapon. If I stop right now will I feel better? Is this all because I'm not eating enough? If I take a break now I will lose all (read: zero) progress and all my starving in the past week will be for nothing. If this is how I feel now I can't imagine how I'll feel by the time I reach my goal weight. No wonder you guys are at such low BMIs (no offense).

I don't know what my point is. I just wish I knew the answer. I wish I weren't here but I guess it was inevitable. Hopefully I'll get a therapist or something. Then maybe I can feel a little happier while I continue to starve myself. Not.

edit: if anyone wants to talk via PM if you relate feel free. I would love to make some real friends here who get it.

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[Rant/Rave] Everything has been so.... crappy (probably a giant nonsense ramble)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 23 22:32:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pufp2/everything_has_been_so_crappy_probably_a_giant/
---
Pretty much everyday for the last couple of weeks I've been pissing of my SO and he's been upsetting me. He gets so upset about my altered sleep schedule, my bluntness about not wanting food (he especially gets hurt if he made it), and he gets upset when I don't praise him for cleaning the kitchen.

A little back history: we've been together almost 2 years and he moved in with me this last June. We get along great (for the most part) and make each other laugh a ton. Right now I'm currently in school and working. I'm going to school for a bs in medical laboratory science and I'm also dually enrolled in the masters of science in healthcare administration program. As one could imagine my life is stressful. Right now for my bs I'm an doing my rotations through the hospital lab m-f. Basically, I go at 6:30-3:30, try to work out and study for my post tests. Then Friday night at 11pm I go into work until 7:30am and then repeat that process Saturday night. By the time Monday gets here I'm always exhausted. I like to sleep on the couch for a couple of hours and the whole time my SO is trying to wake me up and asking why I'm grumpy... wtf today I stared directly at him and said "how many times do I have to tell you I'm fucking tired." Any-who this catty arguing has been going on between us for awhile. He thinks that he's the only one with a "real" job and that since he's studying for a mca certification he knows exactly what I'm going through and that his life is 100x harder than mine. It frustrates me so much that he thinks that. I always say "yea, Tyler you're the ONLY one with a REAL job, NOT like I have patient lives in my hands.." Then he always goes on to say he didn't mean it that way.

What he doesn't understand is that basically working for free m-f 6:30am to 3:30pm is like a job, working out, restricting and taking clonazepam is exhausting. He also can't seem to understand that flipping my schedule and going into work Friday and Saturday night at 11pm is exhausting. Why can't he just let me do me for a little while? This is only until May.

I've been restricting more and more when I'm not around him. He makes me breakfast and I usually toss it. Yesterday he made me lunch and put 400 pounds of red beans and rice in the container. Why would I want that much food? I make it a big point to eat terrible things when he's here so he'll mention it and I can be catty. Lol wtf is wrong with me???????

Any-who I'm just exhausted and want to live alone in my ed world and not worry about anything.

Uhhhh and like this, I had a plate on my lap and I was going to put more food on it and he walked by and grabbed it and put it in the trash. Is that a hint for me not to eat anymore?


Rant
No flAir mobile

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[Rant/Rave] Nameless emotions [rant/rave]
/u/Shrinkydinkmyself [5'6"| 119 | 19.3 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 23 22:14:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pucvt/nameless_emotions_rantrave/
---
Does anybody else feel kind of weirdly empty inside? No pun intended.

It feels like homesickness, but I'm not homesick. That's just the closest thing I can thing of to describe it.

I read somewhere that people with ED's often have alexithymia which is difficulty pairing their emotions with the right words to describe them. I kind of wonder sometimes if that might be because we're feeling something that maybe the English language doesn't have a word for.

I've had a lot of depressive episodes, and this feeling is different from that. However, I'm sure that feeling is probably on its way since I'm about to lose my antidepressants. My docs think it's making me lose weight and stuff, so I know they're going to take it from me. It's the only thing that's ever really helped, though, and I've taken so many in the past that were useless or made things worse.

Whatever this feeling is, I hate it. I tried to distract myself by calling a guy who didn't answer the phone or call me back, so I feel even worse now. I meal planned for the week, but I kind of just want to crawl in a hole and fast for a million years.

I have friends who care about me, but they don't really get it, so I'm glad this sub is here. If you read this, thanks.

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[Thinspo] Movie thinspo? Mobile, no flare
/u/-lotophagi- [5'6" | 127lbs | 20 | -8lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jan 23 22:07:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pubwe/movie_thinspo_mobile_no_flare/
---
Currently watching the Devil Wears Prada because... yeah.

But what do you guys watch? I have Netflix and Amazon... and HBO

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[Help] How do you start fasting?
/u/Iwanttobeashinystar
Created: Mon Jan 23 21:17:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pu3ia/how_do_you_start_fasting/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Rock bottom
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Mon Jan 23 21:04:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pu1bb/rock_bottom/
---
It all started Friday night.... (Can't flair I'm on my tablet)

Went out to a wine and cheese event with my best friend after having a HUGE fight with my boyfriend... I thought it was all my fault too but I'd be told by a doctor it wasn't..
Then I go to two clubs with her, got beyond drunk.
A group of guys and girl tell me to go out with them but I don't remember any of it and I 100% thought my friend was still with me but she was not.
Around 5 am at a freaking titty bar I find myself alone and no ride. Someone called a taxi for me..
I don't remember where I parked my car so I tell the driver to take me to the hospital because I feel so awful I wanted to kill myself...
I go to the emergency room and get myself admitted because I'm scared I'll actually go through with it...
Inconsolable and out of my mind until they give me a decent dose of Ativan even though I'm drunk off my ass.
I get some sleep and wake up to my best friend in the emergency room with me, I lost my phone and my glasses during that night so my boyfriend is texting her how pissed he is. At this point he really didn't care I was needing help/was in danger so he's just telling me how much I have destroyed everything.
That night he messaged my best friend thanking her for looking after me...THEN...(while I'm in the hospital)<---- he tells my best friend that he wants to take her to dinner and when we were all living together over a year ago-he saw her towel slip -implying she was sexually attractive..
Thank god that those doctors had the good shit on hand because I don't think I'd have been able to et out today if I had one of my breakdowns.

I was diagnosed with fucking bi-polar disorder which made sense then another doctor who is very assertive in his opinion told me I have adjustment disorder....... Not happy about that being that my episodes are not always situational/temporary. I deal with highs and lows on a fucking daily basis.

At least they kept me on Cymbalta though.

I just don't want to acknowledge this ever again...I'm so anxious right now... Wtf is life?!

Tl;dr got drunk af. Group of ppl took me in the middle of no where, so upset I want to die so I go to emergency room, boyfriend basically cheated on me while I was in the hospital, was diagnosed with fucking adjustment disorder and it makes no sense. Also lost 9 lbs in last week

---

[Help] Any tips on how to get to sleep?? [help]
/u/yaboyspissed
Created: Mon Jan 23 20:41:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ptx60/any_tips_on_how_to_get_to_sleep_help/
---
I'm fucking tired. Have been restricting pretty well these past few days, and I walked quite a bit yesterday and today. I feel so sleepy but just can't fucking sleep!!! Anyone have some tips for sleeping while restricting?

Also side note.... I'm not at home right now so I won't be able to weigh myself tomorrow morning. Fuck. That just pisses me off so much because I want to base how much I eat off of my weight in the morning and now I can't do that. I would like to fast since I won't know my weight but that may not be possible considering I'm at a friends house who knows about my ED but not that I'm relapsing. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

---

[Discussion] DAE feel horrible when they run into an ex?
/u/lessavauges [5'10 | CW: faaaaat | GW: 126 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 23 20:36:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ptwa0/dae_feel_horrible_when_they_run_into_an_ex/
---
I recently ran into one of my exes in the city and just seeing him made me want to never eat anything again. He's lost weight and I've gained it, I feel like such a failure. Does anyone else get like this when they see their exes, or even just old friends? Or is it just me?

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[Discussion] Thoughts on Metamucil?
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Mon Jan 23 19:56:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ptp0a/thoughts_on_metamucil/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] What is your favorite brand of pickle?
/u/wildstylemeth0d
Created: Mon Jan 23 19:29:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ptjym/what_is_your_favorite_brand_of_pickle/
---
What is everyones favorite brand and flavor of pickles? :)

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[Rant/Rave] I hate eating around others (Rant)
/u/sprinkle1997 [5'2 | CW 125 GW 100 | 19F]
Created: Mon Jan 23 19:02:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ptf1b/i_hate_eating_around_others_rant/
---
I especially hate when the see how much I'm eating. I feel embarrassed. What if they think I'm eating too much? I know the most of the time my portion is smaller than average if not extremely small, but I still feel flustered that others know I consumed that much.

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[Discussion] DAE heart pound after they eat?
/u/candystarfish
Created: Mon Jan 23 18:48:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ptcj3/dae_heart_pound_after_they_eat/
---
Like when you play bass really loud and you can feel it in your chest. Thud thud thud, like that? It used to only happen every now and then but now it happens almost anytime I eat anything and it's starting to scare me. Anyone have that/know what it is?


I know optimally I would go to a dr but we all know that's prolly not going to happen because then I'd have to tell what's been going on, etc., so any insight would be very appreciated.

Edit: am in mobile, cant/don't know how to flair! My apologies!

---

[Discussion] I'm not sure if this is allowed, but I have a theory about the cause of (some) eating disorders
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Mon Jan 23 18:17:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pt6h7/im_not_sure_if_this_is_allowed_but_i_have_a/
---
Childhood neglect! I've noticed that a lot of people from here come from narcissistic or neglecting households. A lot of anorexics want to remain children forever, perhaps because they never were treated as such by their parents.

Many have obese parents/formerly eating disordered parents.

I personally have a horrible relationship with my mother, and I find her to be the fuel to my eating disorder. I don't want her to see me eat, because I want her to think I'm stronger than her. I believe that she has some kind of binge eating disorder. She's also got a lot of abusive/narcissistic personality traits.

My mother was very controlling, and I never got to develop my personality as a kid. She projected all her interests and insecurities into me.. Maybe I was pushed too hard, cracked, and my brain tried to find something it could control, food being the nearest option.

The need to disappear could be because of constantly being attacked/walking on egg shells.

This is just speculation, again, not sure if wacky theories are allowed, but I really wanted to share. Thoughts?

Give me the discussion flair :)

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[Rant/Rave] Risking my life because I look too fat to go into hospital. (rant)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 23 18:02:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pt3kh/risking_my_life_because_i_look_too_fat_to_go_into/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I threw all my food away (Rant/Rave)
/u/MechanicClemency [5'4" |CW118 lb // GW 110lb | 20.83| 11 lb| Female]
Created: Mon Jan 23 17:49:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pt13s/i_threw_all_my_food_away_rantrave/
---
I am sick and tired of thinking about food. I'm sick and tired of eating and hating myself for eating and being on the verge of tears when I seem myself in the mirror. i hate this fat stupid flabby body of mine. If I can't keep myself from eating, I will have nothing to eat. I threw **ALL** of my food away. No carrots, no cucumbers, no broth, no tomatoes, **NOTHING**. I poured a good amount or bleach on it all too. Fat me is a shameless bitch about trash food. I don't get paid till the first so I can't go buy food even if I (fat me) wanted to. I will have nothing until I am pretty and skinny.

---

[Tip] for all of y'all drinking instant coffee, did you know you can boil ground coffee?
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: 100 | -35 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 23 17:34:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5psy12/for_all_of_yall_drinking_instant_coffee_did_you/
---
Ground coffee tastes sooo much better. I can't tolerate drinking instant black because it tastes disgusting, but I recently bought a bag of some specialty ground coffee and it's already lovely without cream or sugar. A tablespoon of grounds does the trick per 6 oz of water; it's like making tea! And less calories. :)

I never knew you could do this and it already changed my life so I'm passing it on.

edit: I meant to say, boil it on top of the stove in a pan.

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Jan 23 17:04:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5psrmr/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/7a4797d549d14fa8afa47a7a921669ca?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=695c0ec256a9ff3df727c8a33fc50d2a

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[Help] My migraines suddenly started becoming triggered by not eating, what to do?
/u/Mrs-Schrute [Gross AF]
Created: Mon Jan 23 16:53:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pspe1/my_migraines_suddenly_started_becoming_triggered/
---
So I've always had issues with migraines, but this is pretty new. I get them at least once a week, I know my other triggers and how to treat them (as much as possible), I'm seeing a doctor about them. Now that it's linked to not eating though, I'm not sure what to do. My doctor already pushes for ED treatment so I don't exactly want to ask her advice on how to treat a hunger migraine.

When one is triggered by not enough/too much caffeine, I just drink a lot more coffee or water. When its stress, I try and take a bath with some lavender essential oil or some epsom salts and then I take a nap. When I'm overwhelmed by smells I sniff some coffee beans or take a really steamy shower.

But what the heck do I do when one is triggered by a fast that I don't want to break? Its gotten so bad that I can't even fast for a full day without triggering one.

---

Crybaby
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Mon Jan 23 16:24:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5psizv/crybaby/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Alcohol's a bitch
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 23 16:13:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5psgpw/alcohols_a_bitch/
---
Only had 300 calories left in my 800/day plan and went out with friends, planning on staying sober. Well we get free drinks at our favorite hangout so after 15 or so various drinks/shots, I went home and drunk me decided to make about 2000 cal pasta to "absorb it" which I then ate then and when I woke up the next day before I remembered this is an "old" habit I easily fell into when I wasn't even hungry!

Now I AM hungry because I probably stretched my stomach back out. I hit a current weightloss low of 159.8 before going out and was 162 this morning. I'm not eating again until I'm back under 161 at least.

---

#AlternativeFacts
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 23 14:55:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5prz2v/alternativefacts/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/3993fe6433fd4bdbbb717275e6375223?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=96f63f02913d1d9759b9a219632219d4

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[Help] Gained and now can't lose!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 23 14:55:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5prz20/gained_and_now_cant_lose/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Has anyone gone to a doctor to try and seek help for BED?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 23 14:39:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5prvbt/has_anyone_gone_to_a_doctor_to_try_and_seek_help/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Here we go again, lads and lasses. ABC time.
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 108.6 | 19.9 | -7 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Jan 23 14:37:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5prv21/here_we_go_again_lads_and_lasses_abc_time/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Newmarket/Toronto area ProAna meetup
/u/allthatyouforgot
Created: Mon Jan 23 14:12:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5prp8m/newmarkettoronto_area_proana_meetup/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Some gross things I do
/u/melcatx
Created: Mon Jan 23 13:43:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5prifp/some_gross_things_i_do/
---
I am wondering if anyone else can relate. My ED makes me do things that are just mind boggling disgusting, things I would never admit elsewhere.

1. I put plain yogurt in my smoothies sometimes, I noticed my tub was expired but I kept eating it for MORE than a few days since it gave me diarrhea and I lost a lot of weight from it.

2. I bought a bag of skittles last week and I ate ONE before I hairsprayed the entire bag. I wanted to ruin them so that I wouldn't be able to eat even one more. I have done this with bleach before too.

---

[Rant/Rave] the BEST feeling in the world
/u/fourfoldcat [5'4 | 113 |19.4 | -32 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 23 13:34:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5prgl1/the_best_feeling_in_the_world/
---
Is when your Chinese boss who called you "American fat" last year is so worried about how thin you've gotten that she questions your diet and tells you to eat more. HELL FUCKING YES. I am actually typing this moments after it happened.

Last year scarred me when she wouldn't let me try on a ceremonial dress because even though It was a size small, and I was a size small, she thought I was too american fat for it. Before you go hating on her, there is a giant cultural difference, but at the time I was sensitive and it bothered me for months. Now the tables have turned and she is trying to mother me into eating more.
Yes. Just yes, I am so so happy.

---

[Rant/Rave] I really just want to die.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 23 13:00:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pr8m5/i_really_just_want_to_die/
---
I don't want to kill myself. I tried a few years ago.
I am just so miserable. I feel trapped. Every second of every day bounces between 'fuck it' and 'keep fighting!!!!' and I'm just so exhausted.
I try to crawl out of restriction, eat, cannot stop eating, go back to eating regularly, fall back into restriction and then reach out for help.
Why do I keep reaching out for help? I don't want to do this fight anymore! Up and down and up and down and up and down.
While my weight doesn't move. In the 3 years since I moved, my weight has been within the same 15 pounds. I feel like a failure to relapsing and a failure to recovery -- and I'm so tired. And then I spend all of my money on things that I end up handing to my therapist or my husband.

I don't want to spend more time trying to feel okay in my skin. 4 years ago I went from obese to underweight in less than a year. Now I hover around 155lbs, no matter what, because I'm not strong or dedicated.

The one thing I can say...is I don't feel "alone" anymore, like I did in the recovery realm, and that's why I'm grateful for this sub.

//killme?

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[Rant/Rave] i feel like the scale is lying
/u/commtra [5'7 | BMI: 22 | GW:100 | -35 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 23 11:05:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pqg5r/i_feel_like_the_scale_is_lying/
---
the numbers get lower and lower, but then some mornings it says a good kg heavier, it's putting me into a state of paranoia because I do not know my true weight. i try taking progress pics and measurements but i feel like i am just as big as i was 30lbs ago

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[Help] Dealing with post-binge/post-purge face puffiness
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 23 10:48:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pqc5q/dealing_with_postbingepostpurge_face_puffiness/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Finding a bathroom to purge in is way too much like finding a bathroom to get high in
/u/MiaWreck
Created: Mon Jan 23 10:36:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pq95y/finding_a_bathroom_to_purge_in_is_way_too_much/
---
I don't know if many people will relate, but when I use to do drugs, I would have to do them in like a single handicap bathroom. That's the same way with purging. I cannot purge in those stall bathrooms.

When I was in school last semester, I'd spend like hours going around being paranoid that people knew I was a druggie, looking for these single bathrooms...fuck I hate it. I'd always rush and feel panicked and I get the exact same rushed feel now, but it matters more because I can't purge all the way.

Since now I'm purging so often and it's spring semster, and I'm doing the EXACT same thing and it's bringing back bad memories. And it's fucking ridiculous. I don't even purge loud, but the vomit hits the water really loud even if I add toilet paper :/ I don't know.

I've mad anxiety now because I feel like I was only able to purge half because I didn't see/taste the first foods I ate and it's driving me insane. And I'm too scared to go back to that one single bathroom in this building. Fuuucckk. At least I'm not having a panic attack but I can't focus on anything else feeling part of this food still in my stomach.

This is way too much like drugs. The high I get from purging. The secrecy. The anxiety of needing to find somewhere to get high. The fucking paranoia. Ugh, I'm fucking messed up.

TMI warning: But for some reason, purging makes me get bad diarrhea? And I can't like go in a stall bathroom, so I need to go back to that single bathroom but my anxiety that someone heard/noticed before is killing me and I can't go back.

---

[Rant/Rave] Rant rant rant
/u/Cosmoflower [168cm | 152lbs| 24.43 | 19lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jan 23 10:12:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pq36l/rant_rant_rant/
---
Sorry I can't flair I'm on my mobile

I'm just so tired at the moment

I've moved in with my boyfriend and his family and they are so perfect and lovely and I always come home to the most delicious wholesome meals after work but it's killing me. I can't control my food anymore. I can't lie. I started purging again and it makes me feel so guilty doing it in a house full of people with people who are cooking me food.

I can't deal with the mental strain of the food. the panic attacks don't hit me until fucking 3am when I'm there squeezing the fat on my body.

I've tried taking about it but no one literally gets it. I've even been told it's "boring" and "makes me boring" because I fixate on it. I feel guilty for being healthy half the time and everyone at home always comments on it and I feel like I'm making them feel bad.

No one actually understands how much of a drain it is, how I want to stop thinking and self harming and stop bullying myself but my mind just won't stop and no one wants to help.

Is it normal to be so obsessed with food? Like does everyone else think about food this much but just differently????

Ughhhhhhhh and why DONT people want to eat healthy? Why don't people want to eat healthy versions of the things they love at least?? It feels so much nicer.

Rant done, doesn't make sense and I can feel the bags under my eyes dropping by the second.

Thanks for all the support these pages provide.

---

[Help] How do you deal with slow weight loss?
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 23 10:11:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pq2x8/how_do_you_deal_with_slow_weight_loss/
---
Due to how my ED is, I can only have a deficit of 200-600 calories a day - otherwise I binge. Weight loss has been slow (less than a pound a week for the past 4 weeks), but it's been happening. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with it being so slow?

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[Discussion] How do you cope when you feel like your scale is lying?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 23 09:21:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ppqeu/how_do_you_cope_when_you_feel_like_your_scale_is/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Weird safe foods?
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW:190lb | CW:150.1lb | GW:90lb | 27.5/28.4 | -39.9lb]
Created: Mon Jan 23 07:30:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pp182/weird_safe_foods/
---
I wanna see other people's weird safe foods (if y'all have weird ones)!

My weirdest one is when I put hot sauce on cucumber slices lol

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[Rant/Rave] The downward spiral of drinking wine
/u/pussystrongerthangod [168cm | 119lb | 19.2 | vegan cow | F]
Created: Mon Jan 23 05:26:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5podmq/the_downward_spiral_of_drinking_wine/
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I went out last night and budgeted for a couple glasses of wine (stay classy). But stupid me didn't think my lovely friends would also buy me another glass of wine and chips. I had maybe five chips and told myself, "that's enough" but in my tipsy state I kept catching myself reaching for them.

I always overestimate my calories on mfp but I definitely fucked up yesterday and I can't stop thinking about it. To make matters worse, I haven't been able to weigh myself for nearly a week because I don't trust my scales. My new set is arriving tomorrow thank god.

I then dreamt about only eating zero noodles and then confessing to my mum about my eating habits.. as if dream-mum would be supportive! She was furious, I had to pack all my things (for some reason I was back at home) and leave because I wasn't willing to eat more. I remember saying, "what does it matter? I'm not even underweight. I just want to be pretty!" All of a sudden I was at a boys boarding school which was just weird in a whole other way...

Tl;dr: I ate/drank too many calories yesterday and then had a shaming dream ft. zero noodles and my mum.

*apologies, I'm on my phone and can't flair*
*(probably would flair as whiny bull crap)*

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! January 23, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jan 23 05:13:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pobfp/weekly_stats_update_january_23_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for January 23, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 23, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jan 23 05:13:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pobev/daily_food_diary_january_23_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 23, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] Averaging 1200 daily. Completely fixated with food and kind of ashamed about it. It is not that low of a calorie intake...
/u/Eeffss
Created: Mon Jan 23 04:28:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5po4jc/averaging_1200_daily_completely_fixated_with_food/
---
I should not be though, right? I do feel it is better to be fixated with food but thinner than not to be while fatter.
I was this fixated in college but ate max of 1000 calories (and really it was around 850/900.)

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[Other] Boyfriend broke up with me..
/u/leatherhoff [5"3 | 130 | nb]
Created: Mon Jan 23 03:04:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pns83/boyfriend_broke_up_with_me/
---
And now I have the freedom to restrict as much as I want. Which is good cos the whole situation with him (long story) has completely killed my appetite and probably triggered a downward spiral that was a long time coming. Im going off my meds and I don't care if it makes me delusional again or whatever but im going to starve myself til I'm bones and no one can stop me anymore. Had a good week last week, got down to 124.5lb on Saturday but after a weekend of drinking and Chinese food im probably a bit more than that. Back on track now though .... Sorry for this kinda pointless post I just wanted to talk about this. Edit: had a few drinks with a friend then came home and binged... Ugh

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[Thinspo] Thinspo show - The Model Scouts
/u/notthinohno [161cm |Too Much | A Big Number | - Not Enough lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jan 23 02:32:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pnnlw/thinspo_show_the_model_scouts/
---
I've been binge watching it on youtube - I think it's only one series, but I love it.

2 IMG model scouts choose some girls from Ireland (which means amazing accents) and train them to be models. It's not very food focused, which at first I was disappointed in, but actually I think it makes it much more enjoyable to watch.

The girls are really likeable and sweet, too, which is nice.

Anyway, check it out if you like - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhvIfU5pjS8&list=PLFbc-TnrxsUx2LZY64YewhdF7Hd0oxJD4

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[Other] I am SO HAPPY!
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Mon Jan 23 00:25:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pn5i6/i_am_so_happy/
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My thighs have always been my biggest insecurity. I opened up snapchat while laying in bed with my legs propped up, and the camera opened up facing them. I didn't even recognize my thighs. I actually said "holy shit" out loud because they look so much skinner than I thought.


I have a long way to go, but I'm so happy right now.

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I hit the juice motherlode
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 22 23:57:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pn0vj/i_hit_the_juice_motherlode/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/329f5f4f69c4415eac208ea7a568e4af?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=be1db0ca5c41b32a7213e7f7107a903c

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[Discussion] What are some goals you'd like to work on this week?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 22 22:47:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pmokt/what_are_some_goals_youd_like_to_work_on_this_week/
---
It's easy to get discouraged when we think long term. But it's the days and weeks that add up to success. What we accomplish today moves us closer.

My UGW seems so far and like I'll never get there. But I will get there one pound at a time. I'd like to lose 2 pounds this week. This means no binging and actually getting outside every day to walk.

When I binge, I tend to stay inside that day and the next because I feel horrible. Then the cycle repeats and I haven't left in a week. I ate minimal yesterday and have no food or money for today, so good start.

What are some things you'd like to accomplish this week?

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] New low...
/u/hallelujah-money [5'6|SW 181|CW 148.6 |GW 125|19F]
Created: Sun Jan 22 22:34:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pmm9o/rantrave_new_low/
---
I swore I'd never purge in my room. But here I am. Purging into a plastic target bag. In my room.


I'm supposed to be trying to recover. They were super concerned at the doctors office because I had lost 10 lbs in a month, so I was like "okay let's try to lose weight like a normal person!" LOL NOPE.


[This is how I feel right now ](http://libertynews.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Dont-Forget-Youre-Here-Forever-Burns-Simpsons.png)

---

[Tip] PSA: Do *not* take the EC stack if you're taking medication for ADHD
/u/planningfallacy_
Created: Sun Jan 22 22:11:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pmhxd/psa_do_not_take_the_ec_stack_if_youre_taking/
---
Stimulants & ephedrine can be a deadly combo, please stay safe!

---

[Help] [Help] I need some advice on how to deal with body insecurities :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 22 21:43:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pmcis/help_i_need_some_advice_on_how_to_deal_with_body/
---
[deleted]

---

[Intro] Made it back
/u/alovelytime
Created: Sun Jan 22 20:53:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pm3b2/made_it_back/
---
I missed you guys. I missed being able to get on. I created a new account for personal reasons and just thought I would make this random post my intro.

So i recently signed up for a Ballet I course at my university and im pretty nervous. I've always admired ballerinas and dancers and I'm hoping this will be motivation for me. I've been working out and restricting like crazy lately so I don't feel like a giant balloon in my leotard on the first day.

Anyways I hope everyone has a great day/night!

Also I'm adding a thinspo album of one of my kpop thinspo's because I feel like I need it this week and maybe someone else will too.
http://imgur.com/a/WQk8Q

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] When you eat half a cucumber & wake up the next morning and you've somehow gained a pound
/u/ITDIDNTHAPPENISWEA-
Created: Sun Jan 22 20:46:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pm1zg/rantrave_when_you_eat_half_a_cucumber_wake_up_the/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Is anyone bothered by toes together, heels apart fake thigh gaps?
/u/MiaWreck
Created: Sun Jan 22 20:08:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5plugm/is_anyone_bothered_by_toes_together_heels_apart/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Apparently I'm "blessed" for being able to lose weight...
/u/orinocoflow22 [5'6"| 24 | CW 133 | GW 120 | BMI 21.5 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 22 18:32:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5plb19/apparently_im_blessed_for_being_able_to_lose/
---
Hi friends, I'm usually just a lurker here but something suuuper annoying happened and none of my friends IRL can relate to this or care about it as much as I do.

I was at a bachelorette party over the weekend for a wedding that's taking place in March. Out of 6 bridesmaids (myself included), 3 still have not ordered their dresses yet, claiming that they wanted to lose weight before the wedding and didn't know what size they would be by the wedding date.

All 3 said they have trouble losing weight (though I witnessed first hand what they were eating and drinking all weekend--no judgment here but it was a lot of really calorie dense and unhealthy stuff) and they asked how I lost weight. I said I was just eating less.

So one of the ladies was like, "well that's nice, but obviously you're just blessed. We can't all lose weight that way." And another woman agreed with her and said I must be exercising every day or something. So I said, "no, I'm just eating less, I'm in grad school and haven't consistently exercised in probably 6 months." This woman kept saying how blessed I was, it isn't that easy for everyone, how unique my situation was, and all this stuff about a superfoods diet that she needed to start.

Now, the whole point of this is isn't to argue how to lose weight or anything. It's that I made a purposeful effort to lose and no, it wasn't easy for me and it still isn't. Every day is a struggle and she has no idea how badly I just want to eat every food in my house and I have to use every ounce of willpower not to. For this person to say that I was "blessed" completely disregards the fact that I have worked hard to get to this point. I've lost almost 40 pounds and yes, it was simple, but it was not easy and I'm not blessed (and I'm not even at my goal!). I just wanted to say to her, I don't care what diet you follow or what justification you have for not losing weight, but don't bring me down after asking for my advice. I put in the work and I see results! Obviously I would never mention my disordered eating thoughts and food anxieties that make it easier to just avoid food altogether, but then she probably would say I was blessed for that too.

This was way longer than I intended so thanks for reading!

---

[Rant/Rave] Doing so well and then
/u/eurydiicce
Created: Sun Jan 22 18:24:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pl9jk/doing_so_well_and_then/
---
I binged today : - / It's not technically a binge if you want to get down to it, it was 1175 cal, so still lower than what i /should/ technically be eating, but it's double what I normally eat. I've been doing 600 cal max every day for the last few weeks, and I've been doing really really well, but today I had friends over, and although I managed to refrain from eating when they were over, when they left I had leftover food that they had brought, and I ended up binging. If I fast tomorrow, will that make up for it? I try not to fast because I'm a dancer and I do a lot throughout the day, but I have a day off tomorrow so I won't need a lot of energy for anything.

Anyway, just could use some words of encouragement or comfort. Feeling really awful about this right now.

---

[Help] Purging with no binging and for anxiety?
/u/MiaWreck
Created: Sun Jan 22 17:21:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pkwkd/purging_with_no_binging_and_for_anxiety/
---
Hey,

I don't post here before, so sorry if this is not the right kind of question. I use to be like BED/bulimia. I would restrict crazy and then binge crazy and then may or may not purge.

Then I got on Adderall and Xanax and everything was good, but I lost too much weight, and everyone thought I was addicted, so I went to rehab when I was 17. Anyway, I gained 20 LB but for real, it doesn't freak me out that bad. I want to lose weight but it's not like I'm freaking out like I use to.

And so I started purging because Id get bad anxiety and then purging would make me feel better. It wasn't even like I purge after binging, I just would purge whatever was in my stomach whenever I got nervous and this would feel so nice. Then now I'm kind of purging after meals because my sister dieting makes me feel bad for eating and my mom shames me for eating sweet foods. I'm Asian so it's a cultural thing.

I really fucking don't want to relapse to bulimia and be binging again. Fuck. That was living hell. But I really like purging. And I don't even binge, so this isn't relapsing to bulimia maybe? Anyone do this?

---

[Discussion] How has your disorder changed your libido?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 22 16:34:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pkme6/how_has_your_disorder_changed_your_libido/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Any other people using a bullet journal?
/u/fluidbitch [5'7" | -15 | agender]
Created: Sun Jan 22 16:32:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pklyu/any_other_people_using_a_bullet_journal/
---
I've been using one on and off for about 2 years, recently started using it again. [Here's what mine looks like at the moment.](http://imgur.com/xrAmDZO)
I'd love to see what y'all do for yours!

---

[Help] Mean comments from strangers
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Sun Jan 22 16:11:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pkhaj/mean_comments_from_strangers/
---
Today I decided to go for a jog/walk/slog around campus, like I usually do. However, since it was warm enough I decided to wear soffe shorts and a tank top, instead of jeans and a hoodie. At one point I passed two girls, and heard one of them say "I would never go out if I looked like her"
I don't know if she was talking about my stomach bulge, my jiggly thighs, or the fresh cuts on my thighs that could occasionally be seen since I was wearing shorts (I am a cutter and have been for several years), but either way it was very discouraging.
I love taking walks, but I hate people looking at me when I do so. I know they're staring at how much my thighs jiggle and chafe. I make a point of not walking in front of anyone so that they won't see me jiggling up a storm.
It especially hurts because I've come quite a ways since I started, and I still look disgusting. I'm just feeling really discouraged right now. How do y'all deal with comments like these?
Thanks in advance for any replies. Love you all ❤️️
Edit: Thank you all so much for the lovely comments and encouragement!

---

[Rant/Rave] I think I found the perfect snack/meal that works for me
/u/archerofdawn [154cm | SW 164 | CW 145 | GW 88 | -19 | NB]
Created: Sun Jan 22 16:08:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pkgo0/i_think_i_found_the_perfect_snackmeal_that_works/
---
so after seeing it mentioned earlier this month (or last year? I forget) I ordered an assorted pack of Millie's sipping broth. I tried the tomato basil one first and it was great!! but not salty enough for me (I also found that it tasted a bit odd/watery despite making it correctly? like most of the flavour was taken through the nose instead of tasted on the tongue. Or maybe I'm just not meant for tomato basil)

today I tried the curry one but I added half a sachet of chicken bouillon and it's!! amazing!! it tastes like curried chicken! even if you added the full sachet of bouillon it's like 25cals and you'd have to make a big cup of it because otherwise it'd be much too salty.

so I guess if you have cravings for salty stuff or if you want to have ✨fancy✨ bouillon/broth you could go for it? idk

---

[Rant/Rave] Happy Day!
/u/BluestNovember [5'4" | SW: 200+ lbs | CW: too high | BMI: under 40 | -26lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jan 22 15:53:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pkd7i/happy_day/
---
(Posting from mobile, can't flair) I went to the beach with my parents and all week, there was literally nothing but carbs and I high-protein diet. We're almost home and I'll be at my place and I'll be able to avoid carbs all over the place! Yay!

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[Help] Low calorie soups recipes?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 22 15:27:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pk77u/low_calorie_soups_recipes/
---
Hey, does anyone have recipes for filling low cal soups? I wanna make one with almond milk just to have a creamy base, not sure what i should add...tomato sauce? Lol. Vegetables? Maybe Thai curry? But if anyone has a recipe please post it!

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[Goal] New motivation! Taking the photo to get my over 21 ID.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 22 15:19:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pk5a5/new_motivation_taking_the_photo_to_get_my_over_21/
---
[removed]

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Will Klonopins stop weight loss?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 22 15:09:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pk30a/will_klonopins_stop_weight_loss/
---
[removed]

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[Help] How can I mentally/emotionally prepare for weighing myself for the first time in a long time?
/u/star-of-morning [5'1" | no clue | went to treatment | send help]
Created: Sun Jan 22 13:49:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pjjou/how_can_i_mentallyemotionally_prepare_for/
---
I had to gain 10 pounds while I was in treatment. 4-6 weeks after being discharged, I weighed myself and was 9 pounds heavier than I was when I left treatment - I'm sure a few of those pounds was water/food from the day weight. Plus I was fully clothed. That was at the end of August/early September.

I know I've gained probably at least 15 pounds since then. Actually, I have no idea. I feel like I haven't been as heavy a I currently am in *years*. I don't know what to expect when I get on the scale but I know whatever the number is, I will have a mental breakdown.

If I could restrict without weighing myself, I totally would. But I need to weigh myself because I'm obsessed with numbers and seeing the number go down will show me I *am* making progress even if I can't see/feel it on my body.

What can I do to help reduce the emotional turmoil of getting on the scale? I feel like such garbage. I know for sure I'm going to fast for at least a day before I weigh myself to get rid of some water weight. But emotionally, is there anything else I can do to make this a less painful experience?

**Edit**: Thank you all for your suggestions! I still haven't weighed myself - still mentally preparing myself. This weight is temporary.

---

[Discussion] New clothing motivation
/u/lunarian7
Created: Sun Jan 22 12:33:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pj197/new_clothing_motivation/
---
(On mobile, can't flair I'm sorry)

So I'm starting a new job soon and I should be making more money than at my old job. As soon as I get that extra large paycheck I have a plan I'm sure is going to be extreme motivation for me.

I'm going to find a store that carries one of my favorite brands of jeans, the ones with a ton of different colors. Figure out which size fits me now and then buy the next 3-4 smaller sizes, with the very smallest one being the best color and the larger ones being uglier.

It's been a long time since I used clothing as motivation but I just think it'll work so well and I'm excited!

Anyone else have success with something like this rather than just keeping track of weight?

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[Thinspo] Ruby Rose is my thinspo
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 147 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Sun Jan 22 11:58:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pit17/ruby_rose_is_my_thinspo/
---
https://imgur.com/gallery/xpeaf

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[Rant/Rave] I'm soooo close...
/u/yakeiram [5'9" | 116.4 | GW 115 | 16.91 | -6 | Female]
Created: Sun Jan 22 11:43:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pipkb/im_soooo_close/
---
My goal weight is 115 and I've been inching towards it super slowly over a year. I got down to 116 about 2 weeks ago, but the last week has been just terrible and now I'm back up closer to 119 again...ugh. I can't tell if it's real weight I've gained back or just water, but either way I'm pissed. It should be so easy for me to lose these last few lbs but instead it's much harder than the last few were :/ can anyone relate?

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[Rant/Rave] binged for 3 days, so I'm going to fast for 3 days
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | cw: cow | gw: calf | 19F]
Created: Sun Jan 22 10:36:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5piaa8/binged_for_3_days_so_im_going_to_fast_for_3_days/
---
Had my first "multiple day" binge, and it sucks ass. I'm up like 6-7 pounds & I just feel awful. I threw up last night just bc of alcohol but I'm not a purger, & I can just feel all this junk built up. So I'm going to do my first 3 day fast. I've done 2 day ones pretty easily, but if anyone has advice or just wants to wish me luck that would be lovely. Always appreciate y'all <3

---

[Discussion] Coffee Thread? (-:
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jan 22 10:05:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pi31v/coffee_thread/
---
I love coffee. [:

How do you guys like your coffee? Favorite go-to Starbucks order? (-:

---

[Rant/Rave] this year is going soooo well so far
/u/cactuskey [5'0 | CW: 111lbs/chubster | UGW: 77lb | BMI: FAT | 27F]
Created: Sun Jan 22 09:41:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5phxbh/this_year_is_going_soooo_well_so_far/
---
I'm so happy!! I got new meds and now that they've kicked in a month later my life is so much better in every way. I finally have the will to do ANYTHING and not just stuff my face. Thank you baby jesus for adderall/prozac. I've dropped 12lbs since January 5th despite being sick all last week and not being very successful at restricting during that time and having a couple fuck ups/mini-binges besides that.

Adderall alone never made me skinny but now that I finally have treatment for my anxiety I can actually *do* stuff. I always knew my hunger was fueled by boredom/anxiety but I never imagined it could be so easy to fast for days as long as you're obscenely busy/focused on what you're doing. Take my meds, do work for 16+ hours until I'm too exhausted to continue, collapse into bed. Wake up and there's no hunger, rinse repeat. I'm learning new skills that are really fun, so that's what keeps me engaged.

I'm only now back down to my usual/baseline weight after the October~December Holiday Hell gain. Once I start getting into the 90s it'll probably get more difficult. Fingers crossed that I don't jinx it by getting all excited. I'm not a superstitious person, but I **am** a self-sabotaging and destructive one.

---

[Rant/Rave] Thoughts and what I have learned from a month of no purging.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 22 09:40:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5phx6q/thoughts_and_what_i_have_learned_from_a_month_of/
---
- Lol like you thought you'd stop binging too.

- Remember how your face was puffy from purging? Now it's puffy because you ate too much . Will you ever see what your face really looks like?

- You won't be able to sleep after a night binge. You'll get the night sweats, toss and turn, regret, everything, and then most likely wake up with cravings to do it all over again.

- My heart is thanking me. Years of purging several times a day has wrecked my heart and I've given it a well-deserved break.

- I knew I'd gain a bit when I stopped purging. 8 pounds to be exact. That makes me want to start purging again, but I'm not giving in.

- It'll get easier. A month will turn into two and time will keep going.

I know it's for the best that I stopped purging. I'd still like to stop using food for my feelings and I think not getting the high from purging will help me stop binging. It's not the food that soothed me; it was the in/out release. I still plan on restricting, but planning my meals again to actual keep inside me is weird. Not binging and purging will help me save money.

If you ever wanted to stop purging, you can do it. It won't be easy and there will be times that you mess up, but keep going. We're all about harm reduction here and purging is extremely harmful. I worried every day about my heart stopping or someone finding me in the toilet surrounded by vomit.

All you or I can do is take it day by day.

---

[Rant/Rave] I freaking hate this cycle
/u/babylemonadexx [5'7" 🌈 | 110 🍦| 16.7 🍟 | F 🌸]
Created: Sun Jan 22 09:24:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5phtgu/i_freaking_hate_this_cycle/
---
Don't eat: feel dizzy, light-headed, physically weak, spectacularly shitty

Eat: feel guilty, fat, mentally weak, spectacularly shitty

Urghhh. I feel like I'm spending my whole life looking for a happy medium that simply doesn't exist for me.

---

[Discussion] EC stack?
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Sun Jan 22 08:17:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5phf9i/ec_stack/
---
I see a lot of post with people taking an EC stack. Where are you guys from? Is there a way for me to get it in the US? I use bronkaid now but would love to get my hands on a legitimate EC stack again.

---

[Rant/Rave] Being happy
/u/Kaibutsu-chi [Height: 163cm | CW: 106lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jan 22 07:48:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ph9u5/being_happy/
---
I hate but love being happy.
Everything around you and yourself is just such a bliss when you're happy. Your problems go away or even get resolved. You make the people around you happier too.
But my brain makes me think that it's okay for me to gorge myself when I'm happy. I get a "it's okay, I'll be able to lose this later anyway" type of mind setting.
When I'm down in the dumps, everything and everyone is horrible but I can fast easier..

I want to remain happy..but I can only lose when I'm sad..

I'm frustrated as heck.

---

[Help] Mio sport to prevent low electrolytes?
/u/electille [5'7 | 123 | 19.2 | ?]
Created: Sun Jan 22 07:29:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ph6gc/mio_sport_to_prevent_low_electrolytes/
---
Mio sport has no calories... is it good to put in water to ensure I get enough electrolytes?

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[Intro] an introduction (hi)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 22 06:05:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pgt1a/an_introduction_hi/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] [discussion] Question for other short/narrow hipped folks?
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Sun Jan 22 06:03:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pgst5/discussion_question_for_other_shortnarrow_hipped/
---
I'm 5'2 w fairly narrow hips (about 33 inches). I recently hit 110 ( I haven't updated my flair bc I'm not convinced it's permanent) and I still don't have a full thigh gap when standing unless I sort of push my hips forward if that makes sense? I do run and have fairly muscular thighs so that's probably a factor.
I was just wondering at what bmi/weight did your thigh gap become clearly visible when standing normally?

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[Thinspo] [RANT/RAVE] My personal thinspo is dumb as hell and I need to rant
/u/ITDIDNTHAPPENISWEA-
Created: Sun Jan 22 05:37:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pgp60/rantrave_my_personal_thinspo_is_dumb_as_hell_and/
---
My ex boyfriend cheated on me with two girls who were both v e r y underweight... &The girl he had before me was underweight.

The girl he has now is underweight. I knew her briefly before they got together, we had mutual friends so we had each other on social media and when we actually met IRL (RIGHT after we broke up) I told her what a cheating dick he was and. She's. WITH. HIM?! NOW???!? *WTF?!?*

Ugh. That was off topic. Anyway. I still have her on social media and seeing her post stuff fills me with such hatefire for my fat ass that I don't even care about food. Just fuck. I'm going to get so god damn thin and look so much prettier than her and be so much more successful. I can and I will.

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jan 22 05:08:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pglp5/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
---
Happy Sunday January 22, 2017~

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 22, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jan 22 05:08:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pglol/daily_food_diary_january_22_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 22, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] Where abouts in the world are you?
/u/fuckthislol [174cm | 49kg | 16.18/15.95| F]
Created: Sun Jan 22 04:55:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pgkc5/where_abouts_in_the_world_are_you/
---
Just curious about where ish all the lovely people here live - thought it might be nice to find people you can relate to in regards of like local ish shop/food chain problems and such, or potentially finding gym buddies or whatever :)

I'll start - West Midlands, UK, legit shithole and counting down the days until I can leave 😂😂

(Asking for accountability buddies is against the rules, so please do not, thanksss 😊)

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[Rant/Rave] I love having digestive issues!!!!!!!!¡¡!!
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 147.2 | 22.1 | -3 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 22 03:53:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pge6m/i_love_having_digestive_issues/
---
In case I wasn't being obvious the title is sarcasm. I only had a small bowl of ramen today and now I'm in agony with gas and digestive pain. This happens sometimes when I start restricting, eating makes me feel sick or gives me pain and when I don't eat I'm in pain :( I don't know what to do anymore
I can't flair I'm on mobile sorry, probably a rant one I guess

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[Rant/Rave] My brain is a fatass
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 22 03:02:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pg98v/my_brain_is_a_fatass/
---
I'm currently at work and usually for "lunch" I have 150-220 calories. I work nights so it doesn't make sense for me to have a whole meal while I'm here. Well, today I didn't bring food and went to the vending machine. I decided on m&ms bc I could clearly see they were 150 calories. I ate them all and then my brain wanted famous amous cookies sooooooooo bad. I decided to walk back to the vending machine to see if I could see a calorie count on the front of the cookies. I couldn't see anything, but I estimated they were about 300. I decided to buy them... BUT when I slid my card it was DECLINED!!! It was like my bank telling me "no bitch don't eat your money."

Any-who I didn't eat anything else for the night and I'm still at 150 calories for the day (so far).

My bank does this weird thing that I can't have more than 3 transactions at different places in 1 day.. it's literally the dumbest thing ever and I've asked them to take that off my account and they never do -_- It saved me tonight though..



Mobile no flair: rant ?

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[Help] I'm terrified
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 22 01:55:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pg2vd/im_terrified/
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I've been fucking sleep eating! I've been finding containers and wrappers and shit in my room. What do I do? I can't even sleep anymore. I can't trust myself. I'm probably just going to have to die. This really is going to kill me.

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I'm twrrified.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 22 01:54:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pg2rs/im_twrrified/
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[deleted]

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Nssnsn
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 22 01:52:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pg2lm/nssnsn/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Moments of body positivity?
/u/Polarlol [6'3" | CW 176 | BMI 20.8 | -33 | M | GW 170]
Created: Sun Jan 22 01:13:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pfysq/moments_of_body_positivity/
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Anyone else have brief moments where you see yourself in, what i can only presume is, the way other people see you, only to have it come crashing down shortly after?

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[Rant/Rave] I thought I finally had this all under control.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 22 00:02:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pfr9q/i_thought_i_finally_had_this_all_under_control/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Ughh...(mobile, no flair but rant/rave)
/u/LittleBlackHeart8 [5'7" | cw:124 | gw:115 | 19.7 | -31lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jan 21 23:55:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pfqc2/ughhmobile_no_flair_but_rantrave/
---
I posted the other day about pulling in and out of like a bunch of different fast food places and ended up going home that night... but tonight, after I was already home from work, after a long day... I fought it, but this giant bag of fucking tacos and shit food won.... food bested me. I binged out like mad and now I'm just curled up in a ball, trying not to go get rid of it. Ughh.. the disgust, the contempt... the guilt. It's sickening, really. I don't even know what to do with myself. How do you recover from a binge without purging? I know if I just get rid of the food, brush my teeth, make some tea and smoke like I used to I would feel so much better; but there has to be a better way?...is there?...

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[Rant/Rave] I'm so close to my LW, but my parents are monitoring my weight
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Sat Jan 21 23:51:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pfpwr/im_so_close_to_my_lw_but_my_parents_are/
---
I had a horrible night last night. I ate like two packs of sugarfree mints(because that's a good idea) drank two cups of coffee, ate mainly candy, downed 1.5 liters of coke, cried in the car because I couldn't eat with my parents and had a healthy dinner consisting of a protein bar.

When I finally get home, at like two fucking AM, I pass out into my bed. I just woke up, I feel like shit. I have my third bowel moment of the 24-hour period. Of course, my brain be thinking: "wow. you're so dehydrated. you have truly descended your original shit feeling"

So I go and drag out the scale, and what do I see? Oh, all hail the 52kg mark, 114lbs. I'm a pound over my LW. I've been losing a lb a week on a 1400-1500 calorie diet(and I've been weighing that shit, so I know it's that much). What in the actual fuck. Last time I weighed myself, I had taken some drugs, so I was fully dehydrated there as well, so I know it's not just a hidden layer of shit inside me.

But how the fuck? I do not exercise that much. I do not exercise ENOUGH for that. It's so nice seeing the numbers go down and I'm supposed to be recovering...

Can anyone help my ass before my parents shove a feeding tube down my throat? It would be very appreciated :)

Give me the rant flair/on mobile

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[Rant/Rave] well, I'm not purging anymore
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | 170lb | M]
Created: Sat Jan 21 23:44:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pfp92/well_im_not_purging_anymore/
---
I've only purged three or four times in the last few months; over the summer I was purging three times a day. The main perks I can report are not having to sneak around hiding it and the end of that horrid convulsing.

However, I've not stopped binging, and thus my bulimia has become BDD. Wonderful. The gift of safe teeth has come at the price of 25lbs.

[screaming] I want out of this trash body I want out of this trash life

---

[Rant/Rave] I have to choose between not eating and feeling constantly hungry, or eating something and feeling disgusted with myself. Both options feel terrible though.
/u/MilknBones
Created: Sat Jan 21 23:41:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pfot0/i_have_to_choose_between_not_eating_and_feeling/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pfot0/i_have_to_choose_between_not_eating_and_feeling/

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[Thinspo] My go-to thinspo for being short...Ariana
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 21 22:42:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pfh5o/my_goto_thinspo_for_being_shortariana/
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https://www.instagram.com/p/BPTAU62F1R8/?taken-by=arianagrande

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Fucking reddit ads. Food delivery on a damn ed sub.
/u/bigeyessmallthighs
Created: Sat Jan 21 22:34:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pfg7d/fucking_reddit_ads_food_delivery_on_a_damn_ed_sub/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/8b0e43945c65416f9311eef186fa36f2?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=37241e97693817c6dbf6774228f31083

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Binged, give me motivation for tomorrow?
/u/cava_ana
Created: Sat Jan 21 21:51:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pf9wy/binged_give_me_motivation_for_tomorrow/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Jan 21 20:45:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pez7r/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/c6e22a607ffd46949adbfdd4d8ac3070?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=1c12eec799ac2904ffe35b892f323071

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[Discussion] Queso dip!!
/u/Castoroilexperiment [5'6 | 95 | 29F| 17]
Created: Sat Jan 21 19:44:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5peosv/queso_dip/
---
I don't know how people feel about my recipes, but here's one for "queso dip".....

Based on;
http://www.veggieonapenny.com/vegan-cheese/


I used 300 grams potatoes, 100 grams carrots, 10 grams nutritional yeast, no oil. Spices. Microwaved the carrots and potatoes until soft. (Boiling leaches away those lovely vitamins!) It's about 50 calories for a 50 gram serving. I dipped torn pieces of cabbage in it (chip shaped).


DA BOMB DOT COM

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[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] i'm so scared
/u/thukui [5'3 | CW 108 | GW 88 | 21F]
Created: Sat Jan 21 19:10:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5peirn/rantrave_im_so_scared/
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i've had problems with bed and bulimia in the past. i recently gained a disgusting amount of weight. but i've been fasting for 11 days (water, coke zero and coffee). i've been feeling so awful like contact headaches feeling dizzy i can't even function.
so i made myself half a cube of broth (15cal) but just after two teaspoons and i can't stop crying now. i don't want to eat! i'm so scared i'll just go back to my binging ways. i'm so so scared i don't want to be fat anymore i don't want to live like that! i know i'll have to eat eventually but i don't want to i just want to kill myself.

---

My funny subway crisis
/u/Smooth_N_Groove
Created: Sat Jan 21 18:35:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pechd/my_funny_subway_crisis/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Just a rant, of sorts.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 21 18:18:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pe9dx/just_a_rant_of_sorts/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I've never been so cold
/u/dances-with-cats
Created: Sat Jan 21 17:58:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pe5o5/ive_never_been_so_cold/
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My hands and feet are the worst; they're like blocks of ice. But I am constantly freezing anymore. It's not the season -- I live in an area of warm weather year-round. I've noticed that as my weight drops, so does my body temperature. Covering up with blankets and layers of clothing doesn't seem to help. It's melodramatic to even say it, but I feel like I'll never be warm again...

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[Help] It needs to be gone. NOW. How to cope in the wrong body?
/u/PizzaInMyUrethra [5'5" | CW: INSANE | GW1: 150 | 24F]
Created: Sat Jan 21 17:32:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pe0hz/it_needs_to_be_gone_now_how_to_cope_in_the_wrong/
---
I can't feel comfortable in this body. I can't stand the weight of my boobs, they make me feel physically sick. I'm a disgusting, huge, round sausage. My stomach sags, my thighs wobble, I can feel the weight of my chin.

I can't escape, I feel trapped in this prison. I have around 80 lbs to go until I'm a "normal" weight again. It needs to be gone now. NOW. I feel like I can't even cope stuck in this fat prison. It will take forever to lose, I feel doomed.

I'm ashamed to wear decent clothes, I hate leaving the house for people to gawp at, I can barely even wash / shower as being naked fills me with such intense shame.

How can I survive? Knowing that I'll be stuck like this for months, years, before I'm back to how I should be. Light and carefree, living isn't such a heavy burden. My fat weighs me down, I feel like it's even crushing my emotions.

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[Rant/Rave] I fucked up
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Sat Jan 21 17:19:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pdxyh/i_fucked_up/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] There goes any chance of the scale going down this week
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Sat Jan 21 16:41:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pdqq6/there_goes_any_chance_of_the_scale_going_down/
---
This is my first post on this sub. It's everything I need right now. It's such a supportive place to share my feelings and struggles. I can relate to so many thoughts on here.

I was planning on fasting for the first time all day today. It's my dad's birthday, and they're having a party so I tried to stay in my room. Major fail. I had a salad, chips and dip, and two cupcakes. Ugh. I thought the binges and cravings were in the past (at least for now).

I've been stuck at 121-118lbs for sooooo long it seems. I had my period two weeks ago and experienced a woosh from 126 to 119. It's so frustrating that I can't get below that. This week was exam week and I stayed under 1000 calories every single day. Tomorrow is weigh in day, and I don't expect to see lower numbers, especially because of my binge.


I'm so tired of eating 1/4 to 1/2 of the amount of calories I'm supposed to and seeing no results :(

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[Discussion] How many people here have been both under and overweight in their lives? I have been both and am curious about how common/ uncommon that is...
/u/Eeffss
Created: Sat Jan 21 16:29:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pdog8/how_many_people_here_have_been_both_under_and/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pdog8/how_many_people_here_have_been_both_under_and/

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[Help] Weird restriction feelings?
/u/Rustlingjimmies87
Created: Sat Jan 21 15:38:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pdek7/weird_restriction_feelings/
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I have been restricting for the past week with excellent results. I'm at a heavier weight (at least for this sub, I used to fit in many years ago.) and while I have seen some major poundage drop, I am having some severe feelings. Most days I have been eating 600 ish cals, some days a bit lower, and today I just said screw it, I'll eat 300 ish. The feeling that resulted was absolutely miserable.

I felt out of my mind. I had a diet Dr Pepper(0 cal) and that is usually good for feeling full but I was shakey, anxious and nervous... then I had a fiber one (150 cal) bar and it didn't help much. I'm currently eating grocery store sushi (260) cause I was having almost a mental breakdown and can't understand why I was feeling like that. Everything was foggy. Nothing made sense. Vision was hard to focus. I'm so confused because in the past I've gone days without eating but I can't figure out why I felt so...off today.

Help.

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[Discussion] Have you guys heard of the Warrior vs. Worrier gene?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 21 15:30:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pdd2u/have_you_guys_heard_of_the_warrior_vs_worrier_gene/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] When things don't go your weigh (rant/rave)
/u/yaboyspissed
Created: Sat Jan 21 14:09:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pcx5f/when_things_dont_go_your_weigh_rantrave/
---
Kinda in a quasi recovery right now so My goals are very much flawed.
Well yesterday I stepped on the scale and was 115. Then decided to eat a lot to get it back up because my PLAN is to maintain at 118 (BMI 18.5). Yet this morning I was 116.6 and felt TERRIBLE but was still planning on having at least 1,800 cals today. But someone served me a drink with 2% milk instead of skim so now I'm stopping at 660cals. I just hate this. Kinda feeling like fully relapsing but idk... eating disorders are confusing

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[Rant/Rave] Today I am only consuming wine!
/u/bigeyessmallthighs
Created: Sat Jan 21 14:01:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pcvj7/today_i_am_only_consuming_wine/
---
What a healthy and productive treat to numb all of tosay's feelings! Political feels, FWB ignoring me feels, scale still going up feels (waiting on a shit for 4 days aye)

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[Rant/Rave] Is the Walden Farms chocolate peanut spread good with anything? I'm really disappointed with how it tastes out of the jar.
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 101.6 | BMI:19.8 l GW 90| -42 l F]
Created: Sat Jan 21 13:48:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pcssp/is_the_walden_farms_chocolate_peanut_spread_good/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] the scale moved up 10 pounds in 3 days so just fucking kill me now
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 113 | 19.35| Lost: 47|GW:☠]
Created: Sat Jan 21 13:43:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pcrti/the_scale_moved_up_10_pounds_in_3_days_so_just/
---
I feel like a monster, not going to change my flair. Is it even fucking possible to put on that much in water weight? All I can stomach is junk food, but I feel so fucking hungry. Also in the middle of a mental breakdown from unrelated stresses. I'm just going to let my eating spiral out of control this weekend, I can deal with the consequences monday :p

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[Help] It hurts?
/u/Ultimatedream [5'6 | 122 | 19.8 | -41 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 21 13:07:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pckpo/it_hurts/
---
I fasted yesterday and the day before. The first day I took one ec stack and one monster energy. Yesterday I took two ec stacks, drank monster energy and some diet coke.

After that, I felt terrible. I was shaky and light headed, like I was going to faint. I drank some hot chocolate from the machine at work and ate some crackers when I got home late. I still felt weird this morning.

But now I can't pee. I drank more than 1.5l and I still haven't been to the bathroom. Normally I would have been at least three times. Around 7 pm, after dinner, my whole body started to act, like I walked at least 20 miles with my arms. I ate normal today, but it feels like somethings terrible wrong. Can someone help me? Tell me this is normal or just a side effect.

EDIT: feeling a little better, still not very good. But I'm peeing again.

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[Rant/Rave] Please help me
/u/planningfallacy_
Created: Sat Jan 21 12:58:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pciu3/please_help_me/
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I don't think you can help me, I'm just... panicking.

I lost 20 pounds over a year, and over the past two months I've gained nearly all of it back. It's like I.. can't make myself restrict anymore. Like my eating disorder left me, which should be a good thing, right?

I fucking hate myself, I'm so conscious of my fat every waking moment, until I get hungry and conveniently forget how gross I am until after I eat.

I did it once, I can do it again, right? None of my clothes fit me and I constantly dress like a hobo so no one can see me. Ugh.

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[Rant/Rave] I just weighed myself for the first time in 6months.
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Sat Jan 21 12:51:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pchax/i_just_weighed_myself_for_the_first_time_in/
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Rant/rave... on mobile, sorry. Okay so I can actually fit into a pair of pants I couldn't fit into back then... But I gained 10 pounds! My BMI classifies me as overweight now. I thought I had LOST 10 pounds. Ugh never binging again this feels fucking awful. (Cue - aiming for 5 day fast, not eating above 800 calories, walking minimum 40 minutes a day, and EC stack.) I feel so ashamed and fat and gross and I don't even know how I've been in public for the last 6 months. I was already horrified bc I had gained weight... but I gained weight AGAIN. I'm fucking crying this is pathetic.

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[Discussion] When you purge so hard you wet your pants...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 21 12:46:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pcgct/when_you_purge_so_hard_you_wet_your_pants/
---
[removed]

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[Tip] Food Gym: The end of dieting is coming soon
/u/Prakhar236
Created: Sat Jan 21 12:45:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pcg5q/food_gym_the_end_of_dieting_is_coming_soon/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] Lost my first 10lbs!
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 21 11:40:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pc39u/lost_my_first_10lbs/
---
I'm so excited to finally be able to say that! For so long I've been struggling with binging/restricting and landing back and the same old 165. New years day I was 170 and decided if I didn't get my binging in check I was never going to, so I came back to school determined and I'm proud to say I've broken 160lbs finally since then!

My current goal weight is to get to 145, which is a normal BMI for my height and I'm just so fucking happy I didn't give up (again) like I normally do. 15 more pounds, here I come! I should be able to get there by 3/18 - 4/1 based on my 800-1000 calorie diet.

So happy I'm finally doing it and overcoming the binge monster inside me and can't wait to see the 140s on my scale!

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[Rant/Rave] WHY do I keep binging even though I know I'll feel awful afterwards?
/u/salamanderqueen [5'9.5"| CW: 135.6 | SW: 180 | GW: 125 | -44 | 19f]
Created: Sat Jan 21 11:13:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pbxwx/why_do_i_keep_binging_even_though_i_know_ill_feel/
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I binged all day yesterday, and I'm this close to just writing this whole weekend off and binging it away. Yet after every binge, I feel anxious and freaked out, over everything I ate and how much weight I'll gain. I KNOW that I'll feel like this, and yet I keep shoveling food into my mouth. I really hate myself you guys.

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[Help] Okay I know I just made a post about losing my butt, but it's causing me daily discomfort and idk what to do. :(
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 101.6 | BMI:19.8 l GW 90| -42 l F]
Created: Sat Jan 21 10:27:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pbos3/okay_i_know_i_just_made_a_post_about_losing_my/
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So, I just started school. I love it, the only problem is that the chairs we sit in most of the day are that hard formica/metal chair, and since my butt has flown south for the winter, my butt bones dig into this chair all day. I can't find a comfy position. I feel like I'm getting bruises.

I have been meaning to start yoga for like... years now. (scared of muscle gain even though its better than fat gain) I'm wondering if squats and yoga to build up some muscle there will help me be more comfortable? I still want to lose another 14 lbs.

It seems like my only option besides bulking up again, or bringing a sweater or something to sit on. My school is really strict though and they don't allow us to bring in anything to the class room besides the required materials. I just feel like being this uncomfortable is distracting me from my studies and I want to do well.

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[Help] Help! How to get ephedrine in the US?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 21 10:08:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pbl82/help_how_to_get_ephedrine_in_the_us/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I agreed to go on a spring break trip to Florida with some friends. In 42 days I have to be ready to wear a bikini. Everything just got so much more real.
/u/AllHailTheGremlins [5'7" | 150 lbs | 23.41 | -20 | F 22yo]
Created: Sat Jan 21 09:42:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pbgdv/i_agreed_to_go_on_a_spring_break_trip_to_florida/
---
So I've posted here before, but I'm mainly a lurker. I'm freaking out now. I yoyo with my weight constantly, but right now I'm at a high point. In 42 days I have to be presentable. I'm trying to lose 30 pounds before then, but I don't know if that's possible and I'm freaking out. I'm restricting heavily and I've already lost 5 pounds, but I don't even know if this is possible. FML. I'm going to be the fattest person on the beach and it's killing me. I'm in a panic. I haven't had the confidence to wear a bathing suit in years. I can't back out of the trip. It's set in stone (since we've already rented the house and I can't bail because I owe them money now). If I'm not at least 130 lbs by the time the trip rolls around I don't know what I'm going to do.

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[Rant/Rave] "your body is straight up and down and boys like curves - don't lose any more weight!"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 21 09:35:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pbf5y/your_body_is_straight_up_and_down_and_boys_like/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] Eating makes me hungry
/u/Sonnenblumenschein [5'3.5" | 100 lbs | 17.8 | -55 lbs | GBMI 16 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 21 09:29:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pbe19/eating_makes_me_hungry/
---
That's all, realising that made my life 10x easier, just don't eat and you won't feel hungry. :P

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[Discussion] How long restricting at what intake gave you health issues?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 21 08:29:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pb3qy/how_long_restricting_at_what_intake_gave_you/
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I'm currently eating around 800 cal a day or less and other than slight hungryness and tiredness have noticed no major changes. I've heard all about the negatives of restricting and am worried about loosing hair/teeth issues since I really don't have money or time to deal with any medical problems.

This is my first week back restricting and I've lost about 4lbs, some water weight I'm sure.

I usually quit restricting and go back to binging but it feels so sustainable to me this time and I'm worried I should be trying to eat a little higher to avoid health issues and maybe work those calories off?

On mobile can't flare. Discussion probably.

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Can anyone see my post
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 21 07:58:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5payvz/can_anyone_see_my_post/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Trauma
/u/magfrack [5'5" | 124.6 | 20.98 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 21 05:57:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5paiax/trauma/
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I was raped six hours ago. I'm too hungover to move much but I can't sleep. This might as well be hell.

Anyway, my best friend came over and helped me out last night, and I want to get her a thank you gift. Unfortunately all of my ideas are food-related, which is a no-go with her since she also has an ED and I wouldn't want to potentially offend her. Any ideas?

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[Intro] [Intro] Hi!
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jan 21 05:47:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pah7k/intro_hi/
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[removed]

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! January 21, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jan 21 05:07:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pacny/stupid_questions_saturday_january_21_2017/
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This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for January 21, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 21, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jan 21 05:07:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5pacnf/daily_food_diary_january_21_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for January 21, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] I can't fucking believe this nightmare story
/u/Olligale [5'4 | 116 | BMI | GW: 109 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 21 02:05:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p9tih/i_cant_fucking_believe_this_nightmare_story/
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Okay so. Basically I lost about 10 pounds. I was finally looking at myself as something other than a fat cow. I thought it was a bit bizarre to have dropped so much so quickly, but at the same time, I worked really hard and I've lost weight really easily in the past.

Well, my scale was acting weird so I fixed the batteries. Turns out I have lost like 2 fucking pounds, not 10.

I physically see myself differently in the mirror.

EDIT - I want everyone to take notice of that last line okay? When I saw that low number on the scale, I physically saw myself as being small. I FELT my dresses fit better. I noticed how thin I had gotten.
When I saw that I was wrong, I began to feel the sweat under my chin. I felt a bloated belly. I physically saw my face get rounder right before my eyes.

Please take note of this. It's important to understand that sometimes anxiety and pain will prevent you from seeing who you really are.

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[Rant/Rave] Binges allow me to forget, even if just for a moment
/u/charredsouls
Created: Sat Jan 21 00:02:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p9fam/binges_allow_me_to_forget_even_if_just_for_a/
---
**Alternative title: FUCK BINGES (...but I secretly love you...)**

I just binged on 5-6,000 calories of food.

My waistband tightens, I exhale, breathe in deeply, feel the cramps pulse through my sides. Sip another glass of water, which somehow soothes me and at the same time fills me to the brim. It still doesn't stop me from putting yet another pumpkin muffin in my mouth. Then some candy corn. Then a loaf of bread. Then a pizza. Hell, why not?

My mental state pre-binge was dire: Foggy, gloomy, *deprived* -- my body was malnourished, but so was my soul. **Deprivation doesn't just come from calories. It comes from denying what you love, want, and yearn for: food, acceptance of your body, living uninhibited.** I've always had an unhealthy relationship with the calorific treats that surround me, and in the last year it's intensified into an endless binge/purge/restrict cycle.

**Binges are my freedom**. Freedom from thought, sadness, feeling, introspection, analysis of my size, analysis of *anything*. When I binge, all I have is one thought: What am I going to eat next? It really is bliss, and that's why I'm so scared I'll never be able to give up disordered eating, wherever it sways on a pendulum scale somewhere between bulimia and anorexia; it has swayed so painfully for years now.

Now we're back to post-binge. FUCK FUCK FUCK. It's all I can think. But this is the tragic part: Maybe even the post-binge state is nice? Even though my stomach feels like it's going to explode onto my couch like the volatile purge I'll later have to clean up, it's still all that's on my mind. For that brief moment, I can forget about the school work I have stupidly procrastinated on. I can forget about the suicidal thoughts that trail me wherever I go and creep into the lulls of my day. **I can even forget about existence itself, because I only have one thing to think about post-binge: Do you what you need to do to get rid of this.** We know what that means. Off to the mental dungeon I call the bathroom. Do the deed, pretend nothing ever happened. "You know the drill," I repeat to myself.

Every time I binge I fantasize of a life without the cycle, but every time I evict the globs of food from my body I feel that intense high you can only get from purging. **A high that makes life feel worth living**, as awful as it sounds.

And after the euphoria I feel from purging, I am content with my wonderful feeling of emptiness. I am clean. I am whole. "Fuck that food, I'll never binge like that again," I whisper to myself. I know it's not true, but I can hope.

**It's all I have.**

---

[Intro] New here. I think I'm relapsing.
/u/mydestructiveside [Height 5' | CW 85 | BMI 16.59]
Created: Fri Jan 20 23:45:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p9cyw/new_here_i_think_im_relapsing/
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I've been watching this sub for a couple of weeks but am pretty new to reddit, so I'll probably fuck this up somehow. Sorry :( (also I'm drunkish so that doesn't help...) And knowing me this will end up being super long, so sorry for that too. I just need to get this out and have nowhere else to turn.

Backstory: I developed AN when I was 17, strictly restricting for the first year or two and then cycled back and forth between restricting and b/p. I "recovered" more or less around age 25.

It started by accident. I was slightly underweight to begin with, but wanted to prove to myself that if I ever started to get fat in the future, I would be able to effectively lose weight and not end up like my morbidly obese mother (who is abusive and crazy and I don't want anyone to ever be able to compare me to her in any way). So I decided that I would restrict to a relatively reasonable amount for two weeks, lose two pounds, and if I was successful then I'd be safe with the knowledge I would never get fat.

I lost the two pounds exactly as expected. Then I decided to lose another, and another, and another. The predictability of it all (eat x amount of calories and I'll lose y amount of weight per week, without fail) was a major comfort given the uncertainty and instability of my life at that time (graduating high school, going to uni/choosing a major, all my friendships imploding, shitty family life). It spiraled out of control really fast. At my lowest I was 72.8 pounds, my therapist constantly threatened to have me hospitalized and force fed, my parents did not give a shit at all, I was digging food out of the trash after mashing it up with soap to stop myself eating it, only to end up eating it anyway, and on and on. It was bad. I didn't think I would survive.

I "recovered" by accident. Two months at my aunt's house put an end to the b/p, because it was a tiny house with thin walls and unreliable plumbing and no privacy. Then I moved out of a state I hated to the state I lived in as a child, and even though I was still unhappy (no friends, no boyfriend, no job, no self esteem, think I'm the ugliest person on the planet) I wasn't AS unhappy, and didn't have a death wish anymore. When I was sick and my therapist and my friend (singular, only had one friend) told me I was going to die, I wasn't bothered. That was the whole point. I wanted to die, if anything I was pissed that it wasn't happening fast enough. But anyway. I moved and one day as I was weighing out my dinner something snapped and I realized that I didn't want to be sick anymore. So I stopped. As simple as that sounds, I really did just stop. It was weird at first but eventually all the thoughts and behaviors just kind of faded away. Occasionally I'd slip for a few days, or long for the boundless manic energy of starvation, or miss the routine of it all, but for the most part I was okay.

But everything started going to shit over the summer. My cat died, he was pretty much my whole world. My mother came to town to "comfort" me but instead taunted and mocked and harassed me for days on end until I snapped. I had a complete breakdown in my boss' office, and ended up fleeing my own house in the middle of the night and stayed away for two days until the crazy one left.

Apparently I lost a lot of weight in the following weeks (idk, it wasn't on purpose and I wasn't weighing myself, I just lost my appetite from being upset. lots of people at work commented on the weight loss but I honestly couldn't tell a difference). Then I went to spend a month with my aunt and apparently gained a lot of weight (not in a bad way, everyone said how great I looked when I got back, and even I liked how I looked despite the ED mindset in the background).

I've been fucked up since everything that happened over the summer. It comes in waves, but it has been hitting me particularly hard since November. I didn't slip back into the ED at that point though, just started self destructing in other little ways. But a couple of weeks ago I got in an accident in the grocery store parking lot. It was minor, but completely my fault. I was exhausted from working all week and from being in my head and I just didn't see the other car. I have a driving phobia to begin with (there are like five places I am willing to drive to, if I want or need to go elsewhere I need to find someone to take me) and this has just pushed it over the edge. I'll only drive to work now and I am terrified the entire time of getting in another accident because clearly I am a fuck up. Cue the downward spiral...thinking about the accident and my cat and my fucked up family, and then I fall into a black hole of self loathing. I don't have a husband, or kids, or friends. I have a shitty part time job and no real prospects, I am qualified for nothing even with a degree. I can't drive worth shit. I can't do anything right. I am unlovable. I am ugly. I am a failure. I am alone.

And I don't deserve to live.

So. I've been restricting for a couple of weeks now. Lost a bit of weight, no one has noticed yet though. It's different than before. I'm not necessarily denying myself anything in particular, there are no bad foods. I'm just eating...less. I'm weighing my food. I am weighing myself obsessively. I am pleased when the number goes down and furious when it goes up. I don't have a strategy or a goal weight or any rules. I just want to eat less, be less, be done.

Not sure if this relapse is going to stick or if I'm going to dig myself out of this somehow, but I have a feeling it's here to stay.

I should shut up now. Sorry.

---

No one comments on my weight (I'm dumb, I admit it)
/u/AnoYuna [5'4.5 | CW: 103 | GW: 95]
Created: Fri Jan 20 23:36:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p9buh/no_one_comments_on_my_weight_im_dumb_i_admit_it/
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[removed]

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[Help] Question of the Day
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri Jan 20 23:33:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p9bfq/question_of_the_day/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri Jan 20 23:32:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p9bb0/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/f6c6f0032e41480286291b0a7501838c?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=1dd09173ddeab8110179394182626667

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[Rant/Rave] Nervous about being with family
/u/cava_ana
Created: Fri Jan 20 22:51:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p95jf/nervous_about_being_with_family/
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This weekend, I'll be with my family, no distractions, for the entirety of Saturday and most of Sunday. My parents I love being with and they are super supportive of my eating, but my older sister FREAKS out if she doesn't see me stuffing my face or eating certain foods. It stresses the shit out of me and when I cave to appease her, my restricting comes back 100000x worse the following week.

Just wanted to vent about this because it's making me so anxious for tomorrow. Anyone else experience this with an irrationally hawk eyes relative or friend?

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[Other] Someone on grindr just asked if I have HIV because of my sunken cheeks...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 20 22:11:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p8znq/someone_on_grindr_just_asked_if_i_have_hiv/
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[deleted]

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[Intro] I'm baaaack
/u/ziti-tagliati
Created: Fri Jan 20 22:05:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p8yoq/im_baaaack/
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I wasn't particularly active here before, and I had to change my reddit username, so I'm not expecting anyone to care too much. Let go of diet and excersize for a year, gained 20 lbs, and I'm ready to fucking lose it.

Been doing cardio and weight 5 days on one day off and trying to eat suuuper light. Down to 159.4 this morning, which is the first time I've seen the 150's since late 2015. Watching my roommates dog tonight and drinking tea. Did my workout this morning plus walking the dog and then working. Had lunch at 3ish and I'm not eating till after my workout tomorrow.

Toning has helped me slim down a lot even in just 2 weeks. Wore a pretty form fitting shirt today and got lots of compliments. Finally got my posture in check as well so I think that's helping.

I'm happy to be back in control.

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[Rant/Rave] For everything I'm not...
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 108lb | UGW 98lb |F]
Created: Fri Jan 20 21:43:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p8v5m/for_everything_im_not/
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...there is something I am.

Since I came across this quote some time ago, I've attempted to turn it into my motto, my mantra, my comfort. Whenever I'm hating myself, whenever my ED thoughts and self-hatred suffocate and crushes me, I try to remember this quote.

*"For everything I'm not, there is something I am."*

I'm not skinny enough, I am working hard to be

I'm not restricting enough, I am better than if I were not restricting at all

I'm not good enough, I am always trying

I'm not healthy, I am aware of my problems

I'm not satisfied, I am wishing for better because there is better

I'm not perfect, I am a person

I'm not strong, I am still standing

**Edit: It makes me really happy that some of you guys can find this useful too, take care all of you!** ♥

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[Discussion] DAE with bulimia... [HELP]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 20 21:04:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p8p5v/dae_with_bulimia_help/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Fat and worthless. Thanks "family" [Rant]
/u/Kinglens311
Created: Fri Jan 20 20:50:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p8n2s/fat_and_worthless_thanks_family_rant/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p8fmu/fat_and_worthless_thanks_family_rant/?ref=search_posts&utm_source=ifttt

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[Rant/Rave] Fat and worthless. Thanks "family" [Rant]
/u/TiredOfBeingFat_ [6'0"| CW242 |BMI32 | 28lost | GW200]
Created: Fri Jan 20 20:02:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p8fmu/fat_and_worthless_thanks_family_rant/
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I'm just stupid, fat, and can't do anything right apparently... Trying to resist the urge to cut since I've been clean before Christmas. Probably gonna draw on my arm with some eyeliner, sometimes it helps a bit.

I just fucking hate myself beyond imaginable and my family just fuels it. I just want to go inside and binge binge binge my feelings away, not that it's really better than cutting honestly. I'm up a few pounds been trying to turn myself around in all aspects of my life, but it's hard when nobody believes in you at all. School wise I've been doing better than I had been, still am gonna have an extra year and a half if I bust my ass. But I'll probably just end up being weak and give up at some point because I can't even believe in myself... If no one else does, how the fuck am I supposed to?

My family hates me, my boyfriend probably hates me deep down, and I'm pretty sure all my friends do as well... I'm just never able to do anything that will ever be appreciated by anyone else. So fucking tired of it all, I just want to dissapear forever... That would probably be the only worthwhile thing I'd ever do...

Fuck food. Fuck family. Fuck everything and everyone, including myself. You stupid fat miserable fuck, that's all you'll ever be to anyone.

I'm losing my shit and I have yet to be able to cry even though I know I need to. I think I might just try to get stoned off my ass and fucking forget everything for a while. It won't make the situation better in the long run, but it will temporarily disable me from being able to comprehend life.

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) I ruined everything
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Fri Jan 20 19:21:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p8964/rant_i_ruined_everything/
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I'm at a wine tasting, I haven't eaten anything barely until tonight (some cheese and a cupcake) and my boyfriend said he literally hated me and was in tears.

I treated him like competition as in I'm better than him and ruined everything.

We've been dating over 2 and a half years.

Fucking cheers god damn it.

Why do I exist?

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[Other] I just remembered something that happened a couple months ago that filled me with determination.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 20 18:12:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p7xot/i_just_remembered_something_that_happened_a/
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It was in November, I think. My friend and I had gone to watch Moana when it came out (in Canada). But there was also a tree-lighting ceremony in the middle of town, and lots of stores were open late and had on crazy sales because of how many people typically turn up. Now, a couple months before, I'd quit restricting (though in reality, I was still binging and fasting every couple of days). In November, I really started to show the excess weight I'd started putting on. I was about 105? Maybe? My highest weight was 108 in December, so it can't have been much more than that.

So, my friend and I were killing time before the movie started and we passed by a bridal store that had a sale on. Courtney, my friend, saw one of her friends working in the store so we went by to visit and chat. I didn't actually know this friend, so I just hung back, checked out some dresses while they talked (low key daydreaming about the dress I'd wear for my own wedding, but hey who doesn't do that). They finished their chat and made their way to me. Courtney's friend ooh'd at the dress I'd picked out and started pulling out similar styles. And then she looked at me, pudgy and short, and asked,

"What size are you? A four maybe?"

All the blood rushed to my face. I stuttered out that I was a size 0 in pants but I didn't know my dress size (remembering to myself, that I used to wear the smallest size in Le Chateau), but I felt ashamed. I hadn't been a size four in over a year. Did I really look that fat? I tried to rationalize to myself that I was wearing a thick coat, but those words stuck with me all night. Eventually, I forgot about it. Until tonight. I'm not sure why I remembered that event, and those words. But I'm glad I did. I've been feeling shitty all day, though I'm not sure why. I didn't shower, or even brush my teeth, until about half an hour ago. I haven't eaten. I haven't taken my multivitamins, let alone having any water. But I have this inner strength inside me. I haven't felt the urge to binge in more than two weeks. I haven't purged in over half a year. I haven't had *any* junk food in two weeks. I'm going to reach my goal weight. I'm not going to sabotage myself.

I, not the smell of pizza, fill myself with determination.

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[Rant/Rave] Here's to all of us reading/posting from the toilet because they overdid the laxatives!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 20 17:04:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p7lbh/heres_to_all_of_us_readingposting_from_the_toilet/
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[removed]

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[Tip] Does anyone have any tips on how to not binge?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 20 16:52:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p7j85/does_anyone_have_any_tips_on_how_to_not_binge/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Dreams of being incarcerated
/u/kissmyasthmahole [5'2| CW: 125 | 23| GW: 110| UGW: 95| 20F]
Created: Fri Jan 20 15:59:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p78zx/dreams_of_being_incarcerated/
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**Disclaimer: I know this is weird.**

Lately I've been having numerous dreams and fantasies about how perfectly thin I would get from prison life. I would probably have so much anxiety and depression on a daily basis I wouldn't be able to keep any food down, not that I would want to anyway, prison food looks rank. Also with all that free time I could workout in my cell, get ripped and do so much yoga. I wouldn't be free to binge or order pizza or tell myself just one more cookie. They would be in control of me. I would be finally punished for 20 years of hurting my body with junk food.

I know it's messed up but I can't stop thinking about it. I know my 'dream prison' would be far from reality, but I almost want something dreadful to happen to me to shock my system into not caring about food. I just want to not think about what goes into my mouth every single second. It's consuming all my energy...

I guess it's ironic that we are all prisoners to our illnesses right now. I just don't feel confined enough.

Luckily I have no spine so criminal activity is off the cards *for now...*
Anyone else have similar thoughts or fantasies?

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Best caffeine pill or metabolism boost pill?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 20 15:44:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p760h/best_caffeine_pill_or_metabolism_boost_pill/
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[removed]

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What's your vomiting story?
/u/DaceyCarver
Created: Fri Jan 20 15:21:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p71j8/whats_your_vomiting_story/
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[removed]

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Cant appreciate a gift from my dad. He brought those "meringue" from south Africa for me. They only contain sugar. I feel so bad that his suprise makes me unhappy and that I wont eat them..
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 20 15:18:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p70xh/cant_appreciate_a_gift_from_my_dad_he_brought/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/af15f8462a8e4e61983f53ab868ab122?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=811bcbd22d239f40ddc702790b6a525c

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[Other] 6 months ago (on a dif account) I shared a picture of myself. This is me today, still the same weight but looking ever so slightly different
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 20 14:05:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p6lnr/6_months_ago_on_a_dif_account_i_shared_a_picture/
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http://imgur.com/a/PSOvD

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[Thinspo] Taylor Momsen is one of my thinspos
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 20 13:56:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p6jvw/taylor_momsen_is_one_of_my_thinspos/
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https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/77/c1/f6/77c1f6328184ac0e94210d6db73953a0.jpg

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[Discussion] DAE wish they knew celebs stats accurately
/u/agentcherrycola
Created: Fri Jan 20 13:42:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p6gy5/dae_wish_they_knew_celebs_stats_accurately/
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Apart from the fact that this would be a gross violation of their privacy, I can imagine finding it extremely motivating to know for sure what Emma Watson's body fat % is. I know there are those slightly sketchy websites that claim to have measurements and weights for famous people but I'm sure they're not very accurate at all.

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[Discussion] DAE have days where you feel like you ate a lot but you actually haven't?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 20 13:40:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p6gix/dae_have_days_where_you_feel_like_you_ate_a_lot/
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[removed]

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[Help] DAE sleep eat? If so - how do you...not?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 20 13:32:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p6eqo/dae_sleep_eat_if_so_how_do_younot/
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I take about 300mg of trazodone at night to sleep. I've always had bad sleep. But I basically sleep walk and eat and then go back to sleep sometimes. Sometimes I remember, most times, I don't.

My only solution to date is keeping the things out of my house that I sleep eat (cereal, yogurt, candy) but I wish I had a way to prevent it at all.

Any ideas?

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[Discussion] How long did it take to see results?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 20 13:26:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p6dgm/how_long_did_it_take_to_see_results/
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[removed]

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[Intro] hello everyone! introducing myself finally!
/u/insecureloserr [25F // 5'8" // 🐷163 // 🦄120]
Created: Fri Jan 20 13:20:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p6cao/hello_everyone_introducing_myself_finally/
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i just wanted to introduce myself to all of the wonderful people on this subreddit. i've been lurking for a few months and am ready to say hi!

i see a lot of goals, thought processes, and desires similar to my own around here so i think i'll share some other things about myself instead hehe. i live in a big city - which i love. you can get pretty much anything here, meet all types of people, get into any hobby, and everyone is so beautiful i'm convinced half the city are cyborgs.

i also watch a ton of documentaries and i've seen maybe all the obesity and ed documentaries ever. i wouldn't recommend watching too many plane disaster ones though, i have recently developed a fear of crashing into the andes and having to consider eating other people (i probably wouldn't).

im at my highest weight ever which kills me inside with my lowest being 125. i never thought i'd be here after only a few short months and a bad breakup/holiday season. all my fitness down the loo. but i'm determined to get it back.

its hard to admit but i think ive been struggling with trying to cope on my own. there are good days with eating and some days are just so, so awful. it would be nice to connect and support others during those times. thanks for everything you all do.

so, hello!

feel free to add me 👉🍑
and cheers to a great weekend! 🌈

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[Help] What do you do when you want to binge?
/u/depressionbunny [5'6" | 138 | 22.6 | -12 | FM]
Created: Fri Jan 20 13:13:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p6ar7/what_do_you_do_when_you_want_to_binge/
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Right now I'm craving rice. Or lentils. Or something bland and starchy like that.... There's no reason for me to crave either because I already consumed plenty of the nutrients they would supply (so I'm not going to bend to the excuse of "just listen to your body/do intuitive eating," that's just a trap). I just had a super nourishing salad, so I *feel* full, yet I still am craving a big bowl of rice.

No. My serotonin must me low (carbs boost serotonin production in the brain)... I'm ADHD and naturally produce less serotonin than the average bear. Adderall makes up the difference, but I don't like to take it everyday.

What do you all do instead of giving into a binge? How do you boost serotonin?

---

[Rant/Rave] It feels like treatment takes everything away from me
/u/anorexic666 [5'4 | CW: 90.6 | LW: 83 | UGW: 80]
Created: Fri Jan 20 12:57:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p67h1/it_feels_like_treatment_takes_everything_away/
---
I hate PHP, I hate treatment, I hate gaining weight, and I hate myself for doing it.

I'm just so tired of faking recovery and not knowing my weight and eating until I feel like I'm going to involuntarily throw up. I'm tired of having nothing special about me and not looking sick anymore. I'm tired of wanting to cry every time I look in the mirror.

I want to restrict and fast again but I get weighed weekly and the less weight I gain the longer I'm going to be kept and I just don't want to do it anymore.

I might sound horrible but I wish I didn't have parents who cared so much. They took the scale out of our house and are always asking if I'm sure I'm eating enough. I want to go back to when they didn't know.

I want to go back to my school and my friends and back to being skinny. I can only think about what the kids in my classes are going to say when I come back fat. I can't stand all of it and I don't know what to do :(

---

[Help] Random conversation made me so guilty but motivated at the same time
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Fri Jan 20 12:36:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p630p/random_conversation_made_me_so_guilty_but/
---
In my teens I occasionally restricted but I would regularly purge (at least 1-2 times per day). I had almost forgotten how bad I was until today. I recently reconnected with my ex-boyfriend and spent a few hours talking in person a few nights ago. He messaged me to ask if I was still "weird about food" because he had eaten a full meal while I just sat and watched him. He said that I look good now but when we had first met I was super skinny and barely ate anything.

Is it weird that all I can focus on now is getting back to where I was back then? I haven't regularly purged in years but it's like he planted the seed and it's all I can think about now.

---

[Rant/Rave] (Rant) I'm tired of being in a secret competition with everyone
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 20 12:31:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p61yq/rant_im_tired_of_being_in_a_secret_competition/
---
This is just a pity me post but I need to scream into the void or I'm going to do something stupid

But seriously I hate that I constantly look at people and are sickly satisfied when I know I'm eating less than they are. Especially when they claim to be trying to lose weight.
It's mostly my mother (who I mean I already have mommy problems so ya know...)
But she talks about wanting to lose weight but then snacks all the time. I mean somethings working cause she's losing weight (and I'm not and I hate that she's losing the weight).
But I mean it makes me satisfied when she drinking cranberry juice (120 calories a glass) or has lemonade (5 calories per cup) or eats cheese like crazy.

I hate that she's beginning to become thinner by not seeming to try hard. But then again there are days where she just doesn't eat (and my dad freaks out on but ignores when I don't eat (lol also have daddy issues) and it's so infuriating)

Idk where this is going. I guess I just hate me lol

---

[Goal] I'M NO LONGER OVERWEIGHT! :D
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 24.03 | -68lbs | M]
Created: Fri Jan 20 11:59:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p5uol/im_no_longer_overweight_d/
---
I posted here back in mid November when my BMI went from 'obese' to 'overweight' and I have wonderful news! I'M NOT OVERWEIGHT ANYMORE MUTHA FUCKAAA!!
This is so motivating. I had like a two week plateau and some uncontrollable binges but I got myself back on track recently and in no time here I am :D I'm at the high end of being 'healthy' so I still have a ways to go (50lbs to reach my UGW) but looking at where I started and how far I've come makes me confident in my efforts. Today is going to be another good day!

And I wanted to say thank you to everyone in this community. You are all so lovely and amazing and lots of you have helped me in multiple ways over the last four months. It's so wonderful to have this space where I can actually talk about what goes through my mind. Even though I've never met any of you I consider us all one big family. <3

---

[Discussion] DAE have scale fear?
/u/alliealleyat
Created: Fri Jan 20 11:48:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p5sec/dae_have_scale_fear/
---
[removed]

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[Tip] My technique for food denial
/u/alliealleyat
Created: Fri Jan 20 11:16:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p5kii/my_technique_for_food_denial/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] reached my first goal weight! still dead inside!
/u/bumblers [5'8"| 125.3 | -20 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 20 10:26:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p587n/reached_my_first_goal_weight_still_dead_inside/
---
the temporary but euphoric joy I felt when seeing 125 on the scale today was probably, yes, the highlight of my week, but it's (SHOCKER) not good enough

this marks 20 pounds lost since October and that makes me happy BUT this is the initial weight I thought I'd be happy at. shocker, I still look awful. so now the next gw is 112 (110 for wiggle room) I guess I will re-evaluate then, but the thought of that also not being good enough scares me.

---

[Rant/Rave] [RANT/RAVE] I'm trying to my 1st 24hr fast today, and I thought it would be hard
/u/ITDIDNTHAPPENISWEA-
Created: Fri Jan 20 09:49:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p4zaw/rantrave_im_trying_to_my_1st_24hr_fast_today_and/
---
But this inauguration has made me totally lose my appetite.

Cheers!

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[Goal] [Since So Many People Have Expressed Interested!] A Look Inside My Eating Disorder
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 20 09:00:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p4omv/since_so_many_people_have_expressed_interested_a/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] I go camping with a big group today and I'm scared..
/u/Salsa_waffle
Created: Fri Jan 20 08:36:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p4jji/i_go_camping_with_a_big_group_today_and_im_scared/
---
I am going on a weekend camping trip with a church up to the mountains this weekend and I'm so nervous. Last time I went there were so many skinny girls, I'm hovering over a healthy and overweight bmi. One of the leaders joked the other day that he is trying to hook his teenage brother up with a girl there, only me and one other girl going are close to his age. This guy is way out of my league, he's got abs and a cute face. I hope they don't make me talk to him ;_;

Gosh I wish I wasn't going

---

[Other] So messed up!!
/u/Jitterly [164 cm | too much | F]
Created: Fri Jan 20 08:22:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p4gg2/so_messed_up/
---
I'm watching supersize vs super skinny and in the episode I'm on they're interviewing a mom with anorexia, and it was showing an image of a baby born from a mother with anorexia compared to a healthy mom. The baby born from a mother with anorexia was so tiny I felt really envious that I wasn't that tiny when born. wtf is wrong with me lmao

---

[Rant/Rave] "You really like cream cheese, don't you!"
/u/bigeyessmallthighs
Created: Fri Jan 20 08:12:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p4ehe/you_really_like_cream_cheese_dont_you/
---
My work gets free bagels on Friday. It is usually all I eat (350 cal for bagel and maybe 150 cream cheese) with maybe alcohol at night.

My coworker who pointed out my cream cheese usage is 5 feet 1 or 2 and maybe 100 pounds. She had half a bagel with a thin thin barely there coat of butter.

Way to ruin my Friday treat.

---

[Other] having severe depression and an ED i don't know how to feel about this.
/u/tinybites [5'6" 24F | cw: 142.4 | gw: 115 | -42.6 lbs]
Created: Fri Jan 20 08:08:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p4dpi/having_severe_depression_and_an_ed_i_dont_know/
---
http://news.wisc.edu/calorie-restriction-lets-monkeys-live-long-and-prosper/

---

[Rant/Rave] What a great morning!
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Fri Jan 20 08:04:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p4ctg/what_a_great_morning/
---
So I'm 19 days into my restriction. I had a goal of less than 500 calories per day but have managed to not go over 300 every day since I began except for this past Saturday when I binged like crazy. Anyway since my binge I went back to my normal restriction and have been taking fiber supplements but I just couldn't poop-for 4 fucking days! It finally happened yesterday but I was still afraid to step on the scale, knowing that I had probably done some serious damage this weekend.

Well I was overjoyed, I'm down 5 pounds since Friday!! I just had to share here because I can't really talk to anyone about this.

---

So what's the truth
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 20 05:28:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p3lkv/so_whats_the_truth/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Thought i gained 1,8 kg. But then i recalibrated the scale...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 20 05:11:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p3j8m/thought_i_gained_18_kg_but_then_i_recalibrated/
---
[removed]

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! January 20, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jan 20 05:10:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p3j4q/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for January 20, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

**Rules**

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host.

Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, inspiration behind your OOTD (trying to look thin or cover up weightloss, etc.)!

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 20, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jan 20 05:10:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p3j43/daily_food_diary_january_20_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 20, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Other] I'm really fat now and don't think I deserve to be here.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [28/F | SW: 105kg | CW: 51kg | GW 1: 45kg ( UGW: 39.9kg )]
Created: Fri Jan 20 04:43:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p3fl3/im_really_fat_now_and_dont_think_i_deserve_to_be/
---
I don't think I really deserve to be alive. I want to stop eating, but I can't. Well, I can, but then I don't anyway. Or I do for a while, but then I eat again.

I feel really messed up.

I don't want anyone to see me looking like this.

I know what I need to do.

I don't mean for this to be a low effort post. I'm just really struggling right now and I am really distressed.

---

[Discussion] I lost weight again!!!
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Fri Jan 20 03:42:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p383j/i_lost_weight_again/
---
You guys. I had a little bit of a binge day two days ago. I was pretty upset about it when I went to bed, but the next day I tried not to have a "well fuck everything" attitude. AND THEN TODAY...I'm down four pounds! After being at a plateau for two weeks! How in the fuck. I'd read before that some people think you can "shock your body" into burning extra fat... idk. What do y'all think?? I'm super happy.

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[Rant/Rave] For christmas my brother got me, and is continueing to pay for, a subscription to HelloFresh. I made the first meal last night and although it was tough for a non-cook (like at all) it was fun to make and really yummy! I couldnt eat more than a few bites :(
/u/diamond_sourpatchkid [5'2" | 130 | 24.6 | -10 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 20 01:45:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p2udi/for_christmas_my_brother_got_me_and_is/
---
Ive only kind of lurked this sub as I am more of a try-to-diet kind of person and just wish I could be as skinny as I want. But then a few months ago I found fasting and have been loving it but it slowly turned into a fast-binge cycle and now its fast-binge-then purge.

I thought this was going to help me get back into low-cal eating with small deficit daily and into just overall healthy eating while working out and feeling good. But its like its too late. Ive gotten where I couldnt even enjoy a healthy paid for meal :( I feel pretty guilty PLUS Im mad I'm wasting such a good opportunity and gift that is not at all cheap.

---

[Intro] Long time lurker checking in
/u/Anxious_spock72 [5'5| 127.6 | 21.2 | -20.4 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 20 01:44:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p2u7u/long_time_lurker_checking_in/
---
Hi, Everyone! I've been on this sub for months now, but have only commented once or twice. Lately it's been pretty lonely, so I thought better late than never to chat and make introductions. I desperately need some fitbit friends to motivate me since i'm lazy as hell so please please PM your email or whatever (or vice versa) so we can be friends!

I feel like my brain is at war with itself. Like, half is telling me to be healthy and eat well and go to the gym, but the other half just wants to hurt me. Usually the hurty part wins out. This leads to constant dissatisfaction because I'll usually eat under 800, but then I think "Oh, just be normal, and go out to eat with your boyfriend" . Then I hate myself and the cycle repeats. idk. maybe some of you can relate. I hope this post didn't come across and dumb and pointless.

---

[Intro] Heavy Set Ana Girls?
/u/littlekittykatie
Created: Fri Jan 20 01:36:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p2thj/heavy_set_ana_girls/
---
Okay, this past years I tried to "recover" from my eating disorder. The only problem was, I wasn't losing much weight, just binging and purging and killing my teeth. I am now at 238.2 lbs. This is the HEAVIEST I have been in my entire life. I've been screaming, crying, and just hysterical for the past 2 days since I finally weighed myself after this long period of time. I was down at 180 lbs (still really bad) last year around this time but I just absolutely lost my shit seeing how much I've gained.

So this brings me to my question, are there any heavy girls on here? I see all these accounts of already beautiful skinny women and girls. But no one even CLOSE to my size. It's so hard feeling isolated like this, like I'm the only morbidly obese train wreck on here. Everyone else is 150 or below and it makes me feel like I can never reach my goal.

Now, granted I am fairly tall, I am 5'10 actually. I want to be down to around 150-40 but that's 100 POUNDS TO LOSE!!! I feel stuck, isolated, fat, and lonely.

Please comment something about yourself if you've experienced significant weight loss, have been super heavy like I am, or you are currently heavier like this too! It would be great to know I'm not alone in this.

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[Rant/Rave] Splenda has calories and I'm dying inside.
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 24.03 | -68lbs | M]
Created: Fri Jan 20 00:34:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p2m75/splenda_has_calories_and_im_dying_inside/
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I was doing research on nutrition labels and came across an article saying that Splenda "0 calorie sweetener" ACTUALLY has four calories per packet. This leads to forty-five minutes reading different sites all saying that the FDA allows companies to list their food as 0 calories if it has less than 5 calories per serving. WHAT THE FUCK??? I cannot stand plain coffee but whenever I'm lacking energy or craving sweets I like to drink it. I use at least ten packets per cup, which probably sounds ridiculous but it's the only way to make all the bitter ass K-cups bearable. So today my 'fifteen calorie' cup of coffee was actually 75 goddamn calories!! I'm so pissed, I thought I was successful today but This means I was WAY over my limit. I'm actually bordering on tears because not only have I been fooled but I also can't have coffee anymore :'(

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[Discussion] DAE weigh themselves before and after they purge?
/u/jakey-jakey
Created: Fri Jan 20 00:25:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p2l5l/dae_weigh_themselves_before_and_after_they_purge/
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I always try to, but the scale is shared by the household and sometimes disappears into someone else's room and I'm lazy to look for it. But I digress!


The human body continuously amazes me. I weighed 156.3 after having a pretty big dinner and then I weighed 152.4 after purging. That's lighter than I was this morning. What the SHIT. I can't say I'm not happy but bodies are so weird!!!


(Also sorry for no flair, I'm on mobile as usual.)

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[Discussion] DAE get really uncomfortable when people ask if/how you are dieting and/or losing weight?
/u/personalthrowaway500
Created: Thu Jan 19 23:16:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p2biu/dae_get_really_uncomfortable_when_people_ask/
---
I've lost about 30 pounds so far this go-round, and I always feel like I want people to notice until they actually do. I keep kind of brushing it off or making a joke about how I'm not trying to lose but am so busy and scatterbrained that I sometimes just forget to eat. If someone asks if I've lost weight I say that I'm not sure, that maybe I've a little but I don't weigh myself so who knows.

I'm embarrassed by every aspect of my loss - how I did it, the fact that I had/have so much to lose in the first place, the fact that I feel the need to lose weight at all (even though I had reached my highest weight ever and undeniably needed to lose some) - and I don't want to talk about it at all. Does anyone else feel this way and have any advice for answering these questions? I feel like fake obliviousness won't work for much longer.


(I'm on mobile and can't tag right now, discussion I guess)

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[Discussion] DAE get really uncomfortable when people ask if/how you are dieting and/or losing weight?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 19 23:00:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p28ys/dae_get_really_uncomfortable_when_people_ask/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Oh, fudge
/u/theplushbus [5'6" | CW: 119 GW: 115 | -10 | 17♀]
Created: Thu Jan 19 22:15:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p221j/oh_fudge/
---
I made some fudge with my grandma yesterday, I love her so much and baking with her is so great. She let me take a bunch of the fudge home and I knew it was only a matter of time before I binged on it. Which is exactly what I did today. Right after coming back from a successful day of eating almost nothing and having a good workout. Ate around nine or ten cubic inches of fudge. Immediately went to go throw it up in the shower, it didn't feel like it came up at all :(. All that chocolate and pecans just sitting in my stomach, eugh. I sat on the floor of my shower for a while and almost cried. And I felt so bad because I had so much fun making that fudge with my grandma, but I cant enjoy it because of my fucked up relationship with food. Whatever, what can I do. Besides actually working to better myself, I mean.

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[Rant/Rave] I fainted today.
/u/Handchen_Loco [5'7" | 172 | 26.9 | F | -31]
Created: Thu Jan 19 21:56:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p1yxf/i_fainted_today/
---
Got to class early and saw the Bloodmobile. Donating blood is one of the biggest acts of charity I do, so I hopped on in. By the time I was done with the screening questions, I only had 20 minutes to donate before class. It took them a while to stick me, so by the time I was bleeding, I had 7 minutes to class. Filled the bag in about 11 so I took my crackers and water on the go, rather than recovering in the bus.

After about an hour of class, I stood up and conked out. Strangest feeling ever. Been starving all day since, and not like regular *"I'm bored and I want to eat"* kind of hungry, but like a primal, *something is wrong and eating is the best way to fix this* feeling.

I know I shouldn't've done this, but I kept restricting, and after class went to the doctor for a check up. They needed bloodwork. Cue faint #2.

So, my restrictions have gone out the window today. I ate Taco Bell, and they were the best tacos I've had in a long time.

Also, did you know donating blood burns 600 calories? (Something the phlebotomist told me when I told her I wanted the lowest-calorie recovery snack)

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[Rant/Rave] trainwreck
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 19 21:53:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p1ydu/trainwreck/
---
[deleted]

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[Goal] Resisted halo top!
/u/cava_ana
Created: Thu Jan 19 21:49:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p1xrv/resisted_halo_top/
---
See title. Proud that I resisted buying halo top (I can never eat just a serving - it's the whole pint or nothing at all), and instead had some gum and diet hot chocolate :)

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[Intro] Another First Poster
/u/TinyandLost [5'6 | Gross | OV | -13lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jan 19 21:14:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p1rvp/another_first_poster/
---
TMI -

Just like everyone else who posts here for the first time; long time lurker, first time poster.

I guess the one thing that stopped me from talking to those who understood was the fear I wasn't supposed to be here. I've dealt with binge eating my entire life so far. My teenage nickname was Trash Bin Emily because I'd just eat fucking anything. Like pizza crusts and stray chips on my friend's plates, they'd always offer me what was left. I'm fucking ashamed. It's disgusting.

Now, I'm struggling with beating my BED on top of dealing with a hook on lax abuse. A few years ago before a surgery, I was prescribed Moviprep in order to clean everything out, and honestly I'd never felt empty before and it felt amazing. I miss that and constantly struggle between fasting, restricting and then bouncing back to binging and using lax just to try and get that feeling back.

It's like I can't trust myself around food. I can't just have one thing so why do I deserve anything to begin with? It's messed up and I'm so tired of being a useless fat fuck. I know BED isn't really seen as an ED as much as the others are but reading these posts and knowing others feel the same way regarding their weight and food, on top of dealing with b/p cycles and fasting, it just maybe feels like, for the first time, I've found a place I can just be honest and not prevent that I'm okay. If I have a shit day and I'm hiding in my room over fear of the yoghurt in the fridge then there's at least someone here who gets it.

If I'm not welcome, then you guys can say so; I don't want to impose on anyone

Also no flair; on mobile

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[Discussion] I only am just now noticing how big I was
/u/rosepurplesoup [5'10" | 131| 18.33| -52 | F 🌻]
Created: Thu Jan 19 20:49:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p1ncq/i_only_am_just_now_noticing_how_big_i_was/
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I mean, I saw my body and hated it. I knew I was huge. But I've been looking at pictures from the last few years and my face looks so fat and round and disgusting it makes me want to delete them all but I can't.

My body is still far from what I want but this was my first real "acceptable progress" goal weight. I thought that what my body is now might be somewhat acceptable. Was I this delusional about everything in my life?

Am I the only the only person who was so so wrong?

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Calorie restriction = live longer? According to studies..
/u/ohhh_okayy
Created: Thu Jan 19 20:47:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p1n1f/calorie_restriction_live_longer_according_to/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Small binge :(
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Thu Jan 19 20:35:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p1ky5/small_binge/
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I had a quite small binge but for the first time I told my mum so I couldn't purge and now I'm drinking low cal hot cocoa and watching movies with her!! 💕

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[Other] I cooked one of my favorite food for my sister today
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 19 20:14:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p1h69/i_cooked_one_of_my_favorite_food_for_my_sister/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm so freaking excited!!
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Thu Jan 19 20:12:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p1gq0/im_so_freaking_excited/
---
I just bought bronkaid for the first time ever. I tried to buy two boxes at one place and they said they could only sell me one lol. I was so freaking nervous omg... I was shaking. I honestly felt pathetic because, at my weight, you wouldn't even THINK that I was using it for this... you guys are always so supportive!! What's the most I can healthily take? I've never had anything like this before... tomorrow is a new day! No more than 1000 calories, 20 minute walks every day, fast at least one day a week... and I'm getting a fitbit to count my steps! New year, new me. I will lose 40 pounds. I will! Sorry I'm on mobile. I can't flair. I just had to tell someone. I'm so fucking excited for this. I can change my life you guys!

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[Help] What is the rate of your weight loss?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 19 20:11:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p1gj3/what_is_the_rate_of_your_weight_loss/
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I done if this is appropriate so if not sorry ><, but how much do you lose on a weekly basis? Especially looking for people with average BMIs like mine. I'm feeling insecure I'll ever get down to the size I want because losing so slow.

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[Discussion] Fitbit friends!
/u/Avadakaboom [5'8.5" | 135lbs | 19.94 | -95 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 19 19:49:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p1civ/fitbit_friends/
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Had it for a while, very few friends. Lets do challenges! Pm me your info!

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Relatable Airline
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 19 19:08:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p1527/relatable_airline/
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https://i.redd.it/rcx20r5izray.jpg

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[Other] One of my all time favorite shows is Always Sunny
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 19 18:58:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p12xw/one_of_my_all_time_favorite_shows_is_always_sunny/
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And goddamn if Sweet Dee isn't one of my favorite thinspos. I wish I could be the almighty ostrich she is lmao. Love this show so much. Currently resisting the fridge as I sip my whiskey and laugh my ass off. Hope everyone is doing ok and having a good night!

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[Help] Had a horrible day. AGAIN.
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Thu Jan 19 18:24:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p0wio/had_a_horrible_day_again/
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Sorry again for posting so much. But today was worse than yesterday. I don't even want to think about how much I ate, it was so disgusting. I hate myself so much right now. I've been doing so well in seriously restricting calories except in these past two days, and I'm afraid binging is going to become a habit again. If anyone could send any encouragement my way, I would definitely appreciate it. <3

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[Intro] I don't want to recover. I thought I did, but I don't.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 19 18:00:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p0rny/i_dont_want_to_recover_i_thought_i_did_but_i_dont/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Does anyone else only eat in specific numbers?
/u/Chaosncalculation [5'4" | restricting bulimic | -11 (!!!) | F]
Created: Thu Jan 19 17:50:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p0prj/does_anyone_else_only_eat_in_specific_numbers/
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Sorry for the weird title but idk how to explain this. I eat 500 a day but that MUST be broken down into exactly 200 for lunch 200 for dinner and 100 for snack. Or else I won't eat. All my foods calories have to end in zeros. I can't do 199 or 201 it has to be 200 and it has to be separated into meals like that or else I have to purge. I know this is weird but anyone else?

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[Tip] Tips for pro Ana overweight people looking to lose weight fast?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 19 16:56:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p0elm/tips_for_pro_ana_overweight_people_looking_to/
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[deleted]

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Had a mini binge episode.. Great
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Thu Jan 19 16:19:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5p06x6/had_a_mini_binge_episode_great/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [RAVE] Retail therapy?
/u/why_cant_you_learn [5'8" | 140lbs | 21.06 | -45 | 35F]
Created: Thu Jan 19 15:47:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ozzwo/rave_retail_therapy/
---
First off thank you to everyone who said nice things on my intro post. This sub is so sweet.

So I had a massive (for me) b/p last night and decided to go to Buffalo Exchange to try on pants and make myself feel bad about this dumb body of mine (DEA do this? I might be a masochist). I pulled size fours to really drive the point home (last tum I shopped there in late Dec I was spilling out of barely buttoned sixes). And THEY FRIGGIN FIT WHAT THE FRIG??? Like actually fit me. I'm ecstatic. I haven't been a 4 since 2006.

I also found suede dark pink doc martins for 30 bucks, so I'm having a good retail day 😊

(On mobile can't flair)

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[Help] Advice on medication for stomach? Anyone take bentyl?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 19 15:43:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ozz3s/advice_on_medication_for_stomach_anyone_take/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] what my ed has made me (just venting)
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | cw: cow | gw: calf | 19F]
Created: Thu Jan 19 15:27:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ozvlo/what_my_ed_has_made_me_just_venting/
---
My ed has made me a bad student, a bad runner, & a bad friend. three things which used to be important to me. I know all this already, but I feel like writing them down today bc I've felt the effects of each one more strongly lately & it's overwhelming.


My ed has made me a bad student.
I go to a pretty prestigious university, & i work pretty hard. Today I had an earth science class where the teacher gave us a pop quiz at the end. it was basic. literally just stuff he had gone over in that lecture, so anyone who was paying attention would have gotten a hundred. I got a zero. what was I doing in class instead? Daydreaming about food. Counting & recounting my calories in the margins of my notebook. Daydreaming about food again. and so on. I was upset after that, so I skipped my last class to write this, and--you guessed it!--binge.


My ed has made me a bad runner. I'm supposed to be running a half marathon in 4 months. I should be running 5-6 days a week. why don't I? because I can hardly run 3 miles without blacking out. because I've added a full 1:15 on my mile pace. because I can't run on a fast & I get into binge & fast cycles. I'm supposed to run 6 miles today but I'm in bed. bc fuck it.


Last but not least, my ed has made me a bad friend.
My friend came over this afternoon to borrow something & told me she was having a rough day. I was shit at comforting her. why? Bc all I could think about was the fact that she said "and I haven't eaten yet today," bc I had already eaten, so I felt fat. That same friend and I have plans for tonight to go out. You bet your ass I didn't save calories for that with this binge & im going to cancel. Even though she's had a bad day & needs me to be a good friend.

I'm not a good friend. or runner. or student.

Sorry this got so dark. Feel free to share anything if u relate to this. I love y'all. <3

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[Intro] New account, Hi!
/u/cinnamoncactus [5'6'' | 115 | 18.4 | -98 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 19 14:50:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ozn52/new_account_hi/
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Hey everyone,
I've been lurking and commenting a tiny bit on my main but wanted to make an account to be active on this subreddit and wanted to make an intro. Sorry if it's long and TMI!!
Never been formally diagnosed but have had disordered eating for a long while. I was overweight for most of my childhood and hit about 215~ lbs when I was 14. I started exercising healthily and lost some weight and my bf at the time was into chubby girls and wanted me to gain it. He had me drink a liter or 2 of water and binge for me to look fatter and I would often throw up afterwards from how sick this made me feel. I was hating myself pretty bad at the time and it clicked that I could just start purging whenever to get skinnier. I did b/p cycles until I was 18. It was easy because I lived alone after I was 16 so no one was there except my dog so I just fell into this self loathing, b/p monster cycle. I eventually dumped the bf I was with because of him pushing me to gain weight and I was about 125lbs at that point and for a slew of other reasons.
I also stopped purging and planning weekly or 2x per month binges that were smaller and began restricting. I purge once in a blue moon now and hope to keep it that way and hopefully never again. I feel like I've made some progress but idk what I want to do other than lose 5 more lbs and some day get a breast lift for when my loose skin becomes more of an issue. Sorry for the lengthy post but you all are very accepting and supportive, thank you c:.

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[Help] Anxiety meds/sleep aids that don't interfere with weight loss?
/u/95CHOI
Created: Thu Jan 19 14:31:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ozik1/anxiety_medssleep_aids_that_dont_interfere_with/
---
(Former) lurker - first post - hello!

I was reading a post on here recently about Seroquel and weight gain. I was put on it a few months ago for anxiety (A very low dose—25mg, 50mg if I need it) and I think that's why I can't seem to lose weight. It helps me go to sleep but has done almost nothing for my anxiety.

Even if that's not the reason, I don't want to take any chances. Do any of you know of good sleep aids (preferably OTC—I'm from Aus) or take anxiety meds that don't cause weight gain/slow down your metabolism? One of my family members takes Ativan, would that be any good?
Thanks.

EDIT: Sorry, can't flair. On mobile.

EDIT 2: Thanks for all your help. I'm gonna get some Melatonin next time I'm out and see how that goes! I'll try and update if it works or not.

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[Discussion] Saltwater flush/cleanse (mobile no flair: discussion)
/u/LittleBlackHeart8 [5'7" | cw:124 | gw:115 | 19.7 | -31lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jan 19 14:04:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ozc65/saltwater_flushcleanse_mobile_no_flair_discussion/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Bingeing on 'my 600 Ib life' instead of food.
/u/kissmyasthmahole [5'2| CW: 125 | 23| GW: 110| UGW: 95| 20F]
Created: Thu Jan 19 14:00:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ozb5t/bingeing_on_my_600_ib_life_instead_of_food/
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**Does anyone else find comfort in watching extremely obese people turn their lives around?**

It almost makes me feel better cause if they can do it then I can definitely do it. I relate to so much of what they are saying and I know that if something horrible happened I could give up and get *that big.*

Anyone have any other TV suggestions once i've polished off all these delicious episodes?

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[Rant/Rave] Might be triggering, rant about 2012 and the worsening of my eating disorder
/u/fluidbitch [5'7" | -15 | agender]
Created: Thu Jan 19 13:40:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oz5zd/might_be_triggering_rant_about_2012_and_the/
---
Hi all. I'm relatively new to reddit. I've been lurking for a year, but haven't posted much.
I've always had issues with food. Always. As a kid, I would only eat the same foods over and over and over again (it's been suggested that I'm on the Autism Spectrum. I'm getting further testing to verify that soon.) I got abused a lot (due to my Autistic-like behaviors) by my parents, and that let to PTSD. And then the beginning of my binge eating.
I started binging in 6th grade, and ballooned up to 200 pounds in 7th grade. Then I found the fitblr community on tumblr, and managed to get down to 165 by freshman year of high school. That's when things took a turn for the worst.
I've always been a competitive swimmer. I ate a minimum of 1200 calories when dieting, never dipping below that. I tried to be as healthy as possible, being inspired by various fitblrs. But then I got seduced into the fitblr/proana blogs out there, and ended up joining the proana side. It was unintentional. I liked the thinspo. It ended up driving me to the point where when I was in Kurdistan in 2012, I was eating a max of 800 calories and working long shifts at the hospital there. I'd frequently get so dizzy I'd pass out, but thought nothing of it.
When I returned to the US, I fell deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole. I started swimming again after taking the summer off (bc of my Iraq trip), and ended up eating one granola bar a day, only after 2 hours of swimming. If I had another 2 hours of water polo after that, I'd eat a burger king kid's meal in between practices in a hurry.
I was losing weight rapidly. I became 140 pounds, which for me, was enough to show off my bones a little. I was constantly praised by coaches and teachers and friends for "being so healthy now!" but inside, I was dying.
I recovered temporarily in Junior year, and went up to 160. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't upset either. In Senior year, I had surgery and dropped down to 140 again, this time looking even skinnier. Life was perfect. Until my second surgery.
I was told I could return to swimming within a few weeks of surgery, so I was excited. But that never happened. For whatever reason, hypothyroidism struck. As I entered college, I ballooned up to 180 in 2015, and then to 240 in 2016. My hypothyroidism was finally diagnosed in June, right before I returned to Kurdistan in 2016, where all my relatives were SHOCKED. I felt ashamed. I felt disgusting.
Now, 2017. I started the year at 248. I'm 231 as of now. And I'm relapsing. And I'm starting to not care anymore. But I'm having flashbacks to 2012 and am longing to subsist on chlorinated water and granola bars again. But I can barely manage 600 calories. I usually eat 900-1000 and I feel absolutely horrid.
To top things off, I'm physically and mentally disabled now! I present as very high functioning, but I truly feel like I'm dying and my medical team is struggling to help me, since most of my diagnoses are difficult to treat and they're not entirely sure what I do and don't have. They all argue with each other a lot over the best plan of care for me and it's driving me batty.
Thanks for listening to me rant, I hope some of you can relate. I'm always here to talk if you need a listening ear.

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[Rant/Rave] New, and a little nervous... need to vent though!
/u/dyingtobe_thin
Created: Thu Jan 19 13:40:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oz5vb/new_and_a_little_nervous_need_to_vent_though/
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So I've been stalking this for about a week now, finally grew a pair and made a separate account to post in. (hi!)

I feel as though I need to vent because it's been terribly painful keeping this to myself and lying and hiding things from everyone I love for almost a year now.

Part of me feels like I don't have the right to post in this, because I'm not thin, some days I feel like I'm lying to myself because I have no will power to stay on track and I tell myself "I don't know why I get so bothered about this, I can eat what I want I'm not going to let calories and sugar dictate my life" then after 4 hours of thinking and acting like that I step on the scale or get undressed and it hits home again that I am a whale. Believe it or not I'm a perfectionist (virgo's for you), so I want to look perfect, I want the hip and collar bones, the visible ribs and the tiny arms/thighs and flat stomach. It's like I'm living two lives but no body else see's it, the two lives are in my head and only one is on display.

I don't know if I'm making any sense here so apologies, I'm sat in the bath after almost a day of fasting, staring at myself in disgust.

I just wanted to say hi and see if anyone else ever feels like they're living two lives? I've never really posted anything like this before either so if I've ranted or not done it right then again, apologies! I just had to get it all out of my head

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[Discussion] Body reset?
/u/GrammarNaughtsy [5'3" | 102 | GW: 98 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 19 13:20:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oz0py/body_reset/
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This is gonna sound dumb but do you guys have any way of resetting your body? I constantly feel sluggish and sleepy, nauseated, unclean, and kinda grimy even though I have been eating to my calorie needs (~1000 kcal) and have been showering lately. Does anyone else know what I mean. It feels like I have a layer of unshed skin just clinging to me, in a figurative way?
Any pick me ups? Or tips and tricks? I heard putting coffee grounds on flabby or unfresh places work...?

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[Discussion] Does anyone else eat around their SO as a way to prove a point?
/u/star-of-morning [5'1" | no clue | went to treatment | send help]
Created: Thu Jan 19 13:10:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oyy2j/does_anyone_else_eat_around_their_so_as_a_way_to/
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So I've been restricting again. Part of it is because I can't stand my post-recovery body and another part of it is being super triggered ever since starting school again this week. The last time I was on campus, I was starved, miserable...but at the same time beautiful and thin so my mind is racing in a billion different directions.

My current restricting is pretty high cal (for me at least), like 600-800 calories a day. My SO is also recovering from an eating disorder but she eats normally as of now. I'm really happy she's able to eat what she wants and (seemingly) not care about her body, but I just cannot do that anymore. My SO knows I'm on a "diet" but I don't think she knows how "little" I'm actually eating. I told her I'm eating 1,200 calories a day, which is fine for my height, and she doesn't bat an eye because she doesn't know I'm often eating half of that.

She's currently unemployed so she's almost always at home and it's annoying because for some reason, I have this need to eat more than I *want* to eat because I guess I feel the need to prove to her that I'm not in the beginning stages of a relapse? I don't know how to describe it. There have been days where she would be out of the house all day until like 9 or 10pm and I could fast all day and not think about food. She was out of town for 4 days last week and I fasted for 2 of those days. It was not an issue. But now that she's always home, I feel like I have to eat to keep a sense of normalcy?

I'm sorry if this is vague and confusing, I really don't know how to explain it.

Another part of me, probably triggered by my ED, is that I kind of don't care about our relationship at all anymore. I guess it's my ED telling me "if she weren't around you could restrict/fast all you want", so I'm convincing myself that this relationship isn't important to me anymore in hopes that one day I can have my ED back and ONLY my ED. It's so sad. I love her but I love my ED.

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[Goal] Well I didn't gain anything back!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 19 13:06:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oyx53/well_i_didnt_gain_anything_back/
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Had a solid 2? weeks of 1500-1700(with a few lower) And I'm able to weigh again now since we got another scale(Hallelujah). I lost a little under half a pound, I'm into the 123 range now and passed my test. So all is good

Now back to restricting because I'm tired of eating haha.

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[Thinspo] Daily thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Thu Jan 19 13:00:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oyvjd/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/2dc20d35f1e74462a4b7131df8474f5f?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=7e4e2a3be59c81f89ce641138b403838

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[Help] Any scale recommendations on Amazon?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 19 12:32:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oyote/any_scale_recommendations_on_amazon/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oyote/any_scale_recommendations_on_amazon/

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo ✨💕
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 19 11:33:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oyb1j/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/10e62dc545bf4ad99cb1acabc8f1689f?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=eaedeb7deebfc689daa6193f3e272809

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[Discussion] Saw a kindred spirit this morning and was super jealous
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Thu Jan 19 11:13:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oy6jf/saw_a_kindred_spirit_this_morning_and_was_super/
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So I'm going about my business this morning and stop into Cumberland Farms to get an iced black coffee, like a I normally do. I look to my right and see a girl (about 25 years old) examining the nutritional labels for the flavor and sugar packets before finally visibly cringing and putting everything back.
Is it crazy that I know exactly what she was thinking?

P.S. she was insanely skinny and will be my inspiration for the next few days at least

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[Rant/Rave] bought a weight and it doesn't work! (rant)
/u/rawtruism
Created: Thu Jan 19 10:17:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oxtxu/bought_a_weight_and_it_doesnt_work_rant/
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I mean seriously. I bought it today and I got home, and it doesn't work. It's the first scale I've bought since I moved here half a year ago and like.. it was cheap, and I can exchange it, but FUCK. I'm so annoyed. I thought you guys would understand the annoyance lol. I'm on mobile so yeah. but this is a rant of sorts, I suppose

*scale of course !! not weight lol

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[Discussion] so who else is starting over fresh today?
/u/ifuckpineapples [5'3" | 100.8 | 17.8 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 19 10:10:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oxs2t/so_who_else_is_starting_over_fresh_today/
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I feel like I do this "I'm starting over fresh" routine every few weeks, but now I'm just accepting that that's part of the cycle of restricting: restrict successfully, eventually make a mistake, start over. and that's okay! it's always a good feeling to recommit. especially since I binged ~ 2000cals yesterday.

so who's starting fresh? are you making new goals, promises, etc? tell me your game plan! I want to hear all the motivation you guys have in you.

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[Rant/Rave] 2 week plateau, losing my mind
/u/diedawhileago [5'5 1/2 | 156.8 | 25.7 | -73.2lbs! | 17f]
Created: Thu Jan 19 09:16:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oxg80/2_week_plateau_losing_my_mind/
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Every single day it's the *same freaking weight*. Sometimes there's a .5-1 pound variation, but it always stays in the same range. I'm eating a max of 600/day, I have terrible headaches, and I keep crying because HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?? I've had plateaus before, but never 2 solid weeks without even the slightest loss. I've read about people who've plateaued for months, and maybe I'm just a big baby, but I can't stand this.

idk if I'm asking for help or ranting or maybe something else, but I just can't deal with this. If I don't see a loss soon I think I'm gonna get caught in another binge cycle.

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[Intro] New account but back. Again. Hi.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 19 08:45:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ox9mq/new_account_but_back_again_hi/
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AN recovery. 27 years old. Female. Miserable. Overweight.

I bounce between being fully recovery focused, to slipping and being too tired and scared.

I went from obese to underweight 4 years ago after a decade of 'disordered eating', depression, anxiety.

I have regained the weight after residential and php. In DBT therapy for borderline, anxiety and depression.

Marriage tilting on divorce. History of physical abuse. Shame.

I am beginning heavier restriction again, tracking and I need to find a way to regain some control again and find a way to not feel like such a foreigner in my body again.

Hi.

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[Rant/Rave] I don't feel worthy of treatment
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Thu Jan 19 08:41:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ox8qf/i_dont_feel_worthy_of_treatment/
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I'm 14, I recently got diagnosed with AN b/p subtype but I'm not underweight. I feel like I don't deserve treatment because I'm not even close to being underweight because I'm in the 46th percentile for my height (children's bmi scale since I'm still 14) and now that I'm on a meal plan I've gained 3 pounds in 6 days when they said they didn't plan on making me gain... which is also making me feel horrible because I still really want to lose.. (can't flair on mobile)

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Trying to stop a binge
/u/daintydaisydoll [5'1 / CW:108 / BMI: 20.4 / GW: 85]
Created: Thu Jan 19 08:06:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ox1jt/trying_to_stop_a_binge/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I'M BACK IN THE 50's!!!!
/u/420blazefiend [5'4'' | 119.05 | 19.83 | -22 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 19 07:26:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5owtvq/im_back_in_the_50s/
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I'm so happy! After a especially heavy binge last week, I weighed myself at 63.5kg (~140lbs) and I decided no no no and put my foot down. Just weighed myself today (after lunch as well!) and I'm down to 59kgs (130lbs)! I know the binge probably fucked up my weight a bit last week but still! I'm so so so so so fucking happy! Omg!!! Just had to share this amazing feeling and I don't know where else to put it

(I'm so happy)

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) yesterday's fast turned into a "no I'm not sick binge"
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 19 07:13:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5owrio/rant_yesterdays_fast_turned_into_a_no_im_not_sick/
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*Lol sorry this got so long*

Wednesday are my long days at school. I'm there from 8-8 and I planned it to be my fasting day. I figured with my boyfriend getting us a gym membership I could workout every other day and then Wednesday be the rest/fast day at least for a little bit.

Queue noon time my boyfriend asks what I'm having for lunch, I blow it off saying I'm in class and then I work and don't have a break till before my night class and will probably get something then. He accepts it mostly because I never eat lunch at school cause no money/no time and i usually just eat at like 5 with him.

Then I guess since he knows me and he realized I had night class at like 4 he texts me: you can't just not eat all day

I say I'm fine not to worry and go onto class. When I get home at 8 he asks me what I had for lunch and when I just kinda blow it off he says okay I can pay for the gym membership instead (lol I can barely afford water) it's kinda a threat type thing that really means that we agreed he'd pay for a gym membership if I ate more.

He said he wasn't upset from me doing it mostly upset from me not telling him, like I was trying to hide it and not that we've been dating for almost 3 years (and have lived together since basically a week after starting to date so he knows me better than I know myself.)

I felt bad so I guess I kinda binged to be fair it was on like broccoli and rice and fruit instead of like chocolate. But every bite feels like failure...

---

[Rant/Rave] I just weighed myself for the first time in a long time.
/u/PizzaInMyUrethra [5'5" | CW: INSANE | GW1: 150 | 24F]
Created: Thu Jan 19 06:35:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5owkxl/i_just_weighed_myself_for_the_first_time_in_a/
---
It's bad. REALLY bad. Much much worse than my overestimation.

I feel so disheartened. I feel like crawling in a hole and dying. I feel like no amount of restriction could ever undo the sheer damage I've done to my disgusting body.

I know it's reversible, it's just so scary how much I have to lose, it's insane.

---

[Help] Been lurking, previously posted on other account...now I'm here anonymously for...reasons, need help
/u/Anonalt4796
Created: Thu Jan 19 05:56:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5owei4/been_lurking_previously_posted_on_other/
---
So....the binging and purging is out of control...I went from 80 to almost 85 pounds in the past two weeks from binging too much and not purging enough. I want to go back to what worked-pure, simple restriction!!! I can't seem to break this late night cycle of "fuck, I'm depressed, I hate my life, let's war everything in sight and puke it up"...I hate it. My gums hurt, I don't want to lose any more teeth or get any more root canals, crowns, fillings, teeth pulled!!! How do you beat that binge/purge craving?! How do you break the cycle? I was somewhat happy at 80 pounds! Ultimate goal was 78, soooo close! Now I feel like in just sabotaging myself with all this crap!!! Help? Advice? Pointers? Hugs?!?! I fucking hate my life right now and I have no place to cut that doesn't bleed like crazy on account of no fat...Maybe I'm sabotaging myself on purpose to gain in order to cut deep Luke I used to?! Sorry...rambling....just...needed to get this out. Anybody? Somebody?!

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support January 19, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jan 19 05:06:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ow7ai/weekly_emotional_support_january_19_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 19, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jan 19 05:06:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ow79s/daily_food_diary_january_19_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 19, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] Went to McDonald's last night. Ordered a small fry, the guy gave me a medium. Brain convinced me it was because the worker knew I was too fat for just a small.
/u/crumpet9 [5'3 | cw: 105.2 | gw: nothing | 20f]
Created: Thu Jan 19 02:54:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ovr7r/went_to_mcdonalds_last_night_ordered_a_small_fry/
---
Last night I went out with friends and got drunk. I threw up like 6 times throughout the night because shots on an empty stomach doesn't feel great. Over break a guy from my school asked me on a date and he was all over some other girl the whole night. I'm genuinely not interested in him but I couldn't stop thinking that maybe it was just because I was fat. Ironically enough the girl probably weighed 5-10 lbs more than me but I still felt huge compared to her... I wore a crop top out and I felt like a fucking whale. My friends went to McDonald's after the bar. I was trying so hard to resist but I was genuinely dry heaving because I was so hungry and sick from the shots. I ate 100 calories during the day and since I threw up so much of the alcohol I told myself it would be okay to get a small fry. So I ordered a small fry and a water. I sat with my friends and remembered thinking, "huh who knew the small fries were so big". Like an idiot I ate them all without checking. I went to purge but got basically nothing up. Fucking ironic I puked all night except for the one time I really wanted/needed to. So whatever, I decided to let it go and go back to the table. And that's when I read the back of the box and realised I was given a medium fry. And I freaked. I kept thinking the worker must've known I was too much of a fatty to only want a small and that's why he ordered me the medium. Because there's no way I could only want a small right? Ugh, Idk. Then my friends kept trying to shove their fries in my face and my friend kept joking how I used to "annihilate" all her fries. I tried resisting but at that point I was so upset I just said fuck it and ate ten more of their fries.

Idk. I'm in bed now and hungover. Last night sucked. I weighed in a new low today: 106.2. My scale is broken though so I'm like 99% sure it's wrong but fucking lol. I thought I would be content at 115 and seeing this weight today made me feel nothing. It's not enough. I'm still fucking fat.

Anyways, DAE have thoughts like I did about the McDonald's worker? Logically I know he probably just misheard me and was a complete accident yet I feel like it was because of my weight.

---

[Discussion] anyone else get excited about weighing themselves after restricting/fasting?
/u/leatherhoff [5"3 | 130 | nb]
Created: Thu Jan 19 00:37:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ovb7s/anyone_else_get_excited_about_weighing_themselves/
---
I've been restricting a lot this week (at most I had maybe 800cal yesterday but Monday and Tuesday I was aiming for a max of 500 and burning part of it off) and I've noticed that when I'm feeling real hungry I get excited to see how much weight I'll lose. I only weigh myself in the morning and I keep wanting to fast forward through my day so I can see that number go down again. I've gone from 129.5 to 126.25 in about 3 days and I want to keep it up so badly, it's been so long since I've been below 9st and I feel like watching that number go down is one of the most important things. Just wondering if anyone else gets that anticipation or if I'm just weird hahaha :P

---

[Discussion] Heartburn
/u/fuckyeahglitters [5'7 | 126 | 19.87 | -30 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 18 23:50:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ov52m/heartburn/
---
Some of you probable struggle with heartburn from time to time, if not all the time. Mine has recently gotten pretty bad and I'm thinking of cutting out foods to see what causes it. (okay, and a diet means I don't have to eat fatty foods at work so yay) I'm not a regular purger so I guess that's not the problem.
Anyone here who successfully managed to stop/minimalize their heartburn? Tell me how you did it!

---

[Other] My best friend said I looked sickly and gaunt at my lowest weight
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 18 22:47:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ouw0j/my_best_friend_said_i_looked_sickly_and_gaunt_at/
---
I'm sure he meant to put me off from wanting to be like that again. But his words had the opposite effect. How fucked up is that? That I want to look like a walking skeleton?

I was 77 pounds at my lowest weight, for a couple months in the summer last year. Before I met my boyfriend and he found out about my ED. He would not be happy I'm relapsing.

I so want to be good. I want to be healthy and exercise and eat a decent amount of calories to nourish my body. But even more than that, I want stick thin legs. I want my stomach to be concave. I want my arms to be like twigs again.

There was a certain liberty when I was trying to recover. I could eat as much sour cream and onion chips and Cherry Garcia as I wanted. But there's also a freedom in the control I have when I restrict. My mom doesn't cook for me anymore. I decide how much food goes in my body. I decide what time I take the first bite of my meal. I decide how I plate my food. I decide how many times I chew every bite.

Everyone else saw how deathly skinny I was. Only I saw how much it grounded me.

---

[Thinspo] [thinspo] Meghan Markle (Rachel from "Suits")
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 18 21:27:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ouj9v/thinspo_meghan_markle_rachel_from_suits/
---
http://www.cinemazzi.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Suits-gallery-Rachel-Zane-6.jpg

---

[Help] Not asking for medical advice, but I have to have some suggestions on how to deal with this nausea!
/u/thunderbirdandspice [5'10" | 136 | 19.5 | -10 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 18 21:10:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ouge4/not_asking_for_medical_advice_but_i_have_to_have/
---
So I've been taking Phentermine for a while now (approx one month) to help curb my appetite, but here recently I've gotten sick with a sinus infection. I work a crazy job and don't get sick leave, so I have to take the obvious things like DayQuil and such to get through the day, on top of a steroid pack and an antibiotic. Because of the Phentermine, I have literally no appetite, and all of these things I'm taking for my sinus infection are giving me the worst nausea ever. I'll just dry heave for a long time over a trash can until maybe a bit of bile comes up, and it's terrible. I know that I should* eat, but I'm serious when I say I have no appetite, everything sounds awful, even crackers. I'm drinking a lot of water, but I was wondering if any of you lovely people had any suggestions on how to help with the nausea, even if it's just a homeopathic thing that works for you, any and all suggestions would be so great! Thank you so much <3

---

[Intro] It's all started again.
/u/Show--me--bones
Created: Wed Jan 18 21:05:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ouflw/its_all_started_again/
---
[removed]

---

[Other] Experiencing "ED moments" : negative_delta tells a not very exciting story
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 144.8 | 20.6 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Wed Jan 18 20:29:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ou9af/experiencing_ed_moments_negative_delta_tells_a/
---
I had one of my first "ED moments" today and I know it's fucked up that this is something I'm even happy about but it made me feel like a little less of an impostor so I wanted to tell you guys.


Ok as I said this is pretty mundane but here we go. I had both morning and afternoon swim practice today and ate a protein bar for breakfast, salad for lunch, so by the end of afternoon practice I was at about -500 net calories for the day. As I biked home from afternoon practice I felt super cold and shaky but figured it was just because I wasn't dressed warm enough for the weather. Got back to my dorm, sat down, and a huge wave of dizziness hit me, so much that the edges of my vision went dark, and I was still shivering. After a minute or so the feeling subsided and I kinda went "whoa wtf"– took me a minute to realize that those are common side effects of restricting. So there we are. I'm feeling much more normal after some toast and pasta sauce, but I just wanted to share. I'm at a very "healthy, normal" weight according to BMI, so sometimes it's hard to feel authentic about having an ED, but in some weird kind of way experiencing the side effects of restriction made me feel validated today.

---

[Rant/Rave] fav low cal lazy recipe that i am so hyped on
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 151lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -14lbs | f]
Created: Wed Jan 18 20:23:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ou8af/fav_low_cal_lazy_recipe_that_i_am_so_hyped_on/
---
noodle shpek und dia (spelling because idk how to spell it, just say it irl) has always been one of my fav home comfort meals. obviously, noodles, bacon and eggs isnt the most ... calorically wise meal

BUT NEVER FEAR I FIGURED OUT A SOLUTION

zucchinis and turkey bacon are my two gods. i used about 170 grams of zucchini(28cal), 3 eggs(210), and 4 slices of turkey bacon(120), and it made me two portions, each portion roughly 187 cals. i know its not groundbreaking but fuck i love adapting unsafe food into hella safe food. im using my one meal wisely ; v;~<3

---

[Thinspo] I'm using the saving feature exclusively for thinspo, so here it is!
/u/jiuel1 [5'4"(barely yay) | 122.6 | 20.9 | -12 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Jan 18 20:10:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ou61n/im_using_the_saving_feature_exclusively_for/
---
https://imgur.com/a/5lSPa

---

[Rant/Rave] clearly making progress and not slipping up but feeling like a failure anyway (bit of a ramble)
/u/x-ko [5'5" | 112.5 | 18.9 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 18 19:52:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ou2in/clearly_making_progress_and_not_slipping_up_but/
---
I'm in a weird spot.

Everyone around me is suddenly concerned with their weight and looks. My husband is going to the gym every day. My roommate is eating vegetables instead of junk foods for snacks. My good friend is changing their diet. I feel like everyone around me is changing the way they look and eat.

And I've been staying under 700 calories and having my EC stacks and losing consistently. I get a sick high from being dizzy after I moved the couch, I'm cold all the time, I'm back at my lowest weight.

So why do I feel like I'm the only one not doing anything?

I do the most. I count the most calories and I follow the strictest diet and I change the way I look at will so why

*why*

does it feel like I've stagnated?

All the numbers say I haven't.

The dizziness says I haven't.

The way I look says I haven't.

I eat a slice of pizza after a day of nothing and feel full and uncomfortable for hours. Like I failed. It's 290 calories it's practically *nothing* and that's all I've had so why do I feel like it's going to hold me back?

I'm just hovering in a weird mental state. I want to confide in someone and have someone worry and feel sorry for me but I don't want to actually have to deal with that, I just want the attention.

What the fuck is wrong with me.

---

[Goal] #ot Avoided temptation!
/u/fluidbitch [5'7" | -15 | agender]
Created: Wed Jan 18 18:53:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5otrjt/ot_avoided_temptation/
---
My brother bought donuts yesterday. A whole dozen. So instead of giving in, I skipped dinner, skipped breakfast, drank a London Fog, ate a salad, and made a super healthy and delicious soup.
I feel successful! Honestly the soup tasted soooo much better than the donut would have.
(did I tag this right I have no idea how this website works yet)

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else feel like you don't know what you look like?
/u/eurydiicce
Created: Wed Jan 18 18:40:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5otp8n/does_anyone_else_feel_like_you_dont_know_what_you/
---
I feel like I have no real concept of what my body looks like. Like, obviously I know my facial features and freckles and birth marks and whatever else, but my self-perception is so distorted that I feel like I don't really know how I look. People will comment that I'm thin but I have no idea what they see. I'm 5'4" and ~106 lbs, but I have genuinely no concept of what that looks like on myself. I see myself as fat, but then some days, even if just for a moment, I won't. And then I do again. I just wish I could objectively look at myself. I've been struggling with my ed since before middle school so I feel like I've never really had anything but a distorted perception.

---

Afraid I'm not doing enough Bc I'm not hungry/no cravings
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 147 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Wed Jan 18 18:11:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5otjq1/afraid_im_not_doing_enough_bc_im_not_hungryno/
---
(On mobile) I've been eating 800 cal max, usually closer to 500-600 a day, exercise three days and then a rest day and then exercise the next three. I'm not hungry despite a decent deficit and I don't have cravings either. I feel so guilty when I eat anything Bc I feel like I have to be hungry or else I'm just doing everything wrong. Is it okay that I'm not hungry? Is something wrong with me?

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else get super embarrassed by their HW?
/u/diet247x [5'3 | BMI: 23.0 | -20 lbs | GW: 90 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Jan 18 18:00:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5othos/does_anyone_else_get_super_embarrassed_by_their_hw/
---
All of my old coworkers want to grab drinks/hang out but I'm honestly too embarrassed to want to catch up with them. At my last job, I was maintaining my HW at about 148-153 lbs. It was fine then because they didn't know the skinnier me, but I lost weight now. I'm afraid to get food with them because I know they'll comment about my weight loss, and it just makes me feel so freaking self conscious about my HW.

Does anyone else feel like this? GAH.

---

[Goal] Flipped the switch, fresh out of a binge cycle!
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 18 17:19:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ot9ly/flipped_the_switch_fresh_out_of_a_binge_cycle/
---
For the past two years I have continuously gained weight because I was always hungry, I ate until I could feel food in my esophagus and still felt mentally and physically hungry for more. Today I have had 837 calories of decently healthy food, spaced perfectly throughout the day and right now, my most common binge time I finished the day with a light 320 cal can of soup and I feel full. Stuffed in fact and I've had fiber induced BMs for the past three days so it's not because there's other food in me somewhere.

I finally feel like I have moved past the binging and can get back to where I was 2 years ago, loosing and maintaining weight. I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling full again (maybe it's my diet change to healthier foods?) but I feel so happy and it's like a ray of sunshine has opened up in this bleak bingey storm. I may just be transitioning from binging to restricting, one part of my EDNOS to the other but I can't help but see this as the best thing that'll happen to me this month if not this year.

On mobile, can't flare, but rave!!

---

[Rant/Rave] 4 bagels, 1/2 loaf blueberry crumb cake, 6 mini coffee cake bites...and I'm not done
/u/isitjustme1984
Created: Wed Jan 18 16:23:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5osy5g/4_bagels_12_loaf_blueberry_crumb_cake_6_mini/
---
I've lost 35 lbs and am finally feeling good with how I look. Haven't really binged since October and today my fiancé went away for work and I was unhinged....normally I wait until 5 to binge but I got started by 10am...it's 3:15 and I've eaten 4 posh bagels, 1/2 loaf of blueberry crumble cake and 6 coffee cake bites....and I don't think I'm done for the day. I don't know if anything said below will stop me for today but advice for tomorrow? How to pick myself up from this? I've already made plans to make sure I get myself out of the house for the day tomorrow so I can't repeat. Anyone else been through this and have a positive end to the story???? I don't want to spiral and gain all my weight back after months of hard work!!

---

[Help] Question about purging
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 18 16:20:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5osxkg/question_about_purging/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] I am not a person anymore. Was I ever?
/u/invisibone [5'5" | CW 122.5 | F |]
Created: Wed Jan 18 16:14:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oswbj/i_am_not_a_person_anymore_was_i_ever/
---
The person I loved left me. They never loved me. No one has. I have no friends. They all left too.

I go to work. I go on dates. I listen to music. I play games on my phone. I pretend I'm still a person. I'm not.

So I sit here and I try to decide if I should die by alcohol, eating too much, eating too little, jumping off a tall building, cutting... And then I remember I can't do any of those because it would also kill my parents.

So I go to bed in the dark as soon as I get home and pretend that I'm not here. Because I don't feel like I am anymore anyway.

Guess that means starvation is the winning choice until it gets close to deadly. And maybe dehydration if I can't get the crying to stop soon.

Anybody relate?

---

[Help] Has anyone else found themselves slowly disappearing?
/u/daeboo [5ft1/81lbs]
Created: Wed Jan 18 16:12:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5osw1n/has_anyone_else_found_themselves_slowly/
---
I don't know how to phrase this properly, and I apologize in advance for the barrage of words.

Between the two headspaces of b/p and weak asf fasting mode, I am slowly getting crowded out of my own head. As in, my "personality" and "interests" and all the shit that makes me a person and not a shitbag of a fuckmind of crap behavior is going out the window. I'm either a dizzy airhead or a weird puke addict.

I know people like to go like "you are not your disorder you are a person" but this shit is taking over my person and I don't know what to do about it. I used to have actual thoughts and not this...bullshit.

Just needed to get that out of me.

---

I need friends for weight loss support!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 18 16:09:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5osvad/i_need_friends_for_weight_loss_support/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] Favorite YouTube workouts?
/u/cinnabunz3 [5'6 | CW: nope | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 18 15:45:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5osq6n/favorite_youtube_workouts/
---
I was just wondering what everyone's favorite workout videos on YouTube are. I can't afford a gym membership atm so it looks like I'm going to have to stick to home-exercise.

What are your go-to vids?

---

[Rant/Rave] Mood and weight [rant, mentions of selfharm etc]
/u/skinnypod [5'6" | 121 | 19.8 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 18 15:42:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ospgx/mood_and_weight_rant_mentions_of_selfharm_etc/
---
I have bipolar II. I take medications for it, one of which makes me hungry and lethargic, the other one makes me stupid, it's frustrating but at least when I take them my moods aren't too extreme.

However I do still get depressed and occasionally experience mild hypomania. This probably means my meds aren't exactly working OK but it's as close as the NHS psychiatric services can do right now.

From the ages of 15-23, when depressed I used to cut myself. Trip to hospital, 25 stitches kind of thing. I have horrendous scars but they're a rant for a different time and place.

I've not self harmed for almost 9 months. Now instead I eat. And eat and eat.

In my most recent 5 week period of depression I have gained 7 pounds. Losing it feels impossible. I hate my body and I am angry at myself for my weakness and inability to cope with my emotions in a healthy manner.

Now I am back in the land of the living I am struggling to control myself around food still. I eat huge amount of junk almost as self punishment. I want control. Another outlet somewhere.

I don't know if there's a point to this post, I just needed to get it out there. Mods, feel free to delete it.

---

[Other] Goodbye, and thanks for all the coke zero
/u/Eldritchwhore369 [5'7" | 106 | 16.8 BMI | -19 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 18 15:25:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oslrh/goodbye_and_thanks_for_all_the_coke_zero/
---
I've been thinking about this for a long time, and I think I'm finally ready to say goodbye to this community.

It's not easy to even consider this. You have all been so positive and helpful to me. You've been there when I had no one to talk to, and understood the insanity in my brain. I've been able to pick apart a lot of habits and behaviors through the insights of other posters, and it has helped me so much. I can thank you all enough.

I'm not ready to I recover-- I doubt I ever will be. But I have reached a weight range I'm comfortable in (103-107) and a realization-- I don't think I'll like my body if I go any lower. I've quit smoking, and I've been exercising healthily to get my body back into dancing shape.

I am going to miss proED. But I need to focus on my own thoughts to make my illness more manageable. Not craving validation, or clawing my way through some competition I've made up in my head. I *don't* need to be the sickest, or most of extreme. I just need to be happy with myself, and if I'm comparing myself to others, I don't know if I can be.

I have found a real home here. But I think I am finally ready to move on.

Thank you all so much.

---

[Help] How do you dress to avoid looking underweight?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 18 15:02:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5osgpm/how_do_you_dress_to_avoid_looking_underweight/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm going right back to where i was at an impressive rate - this can't go on
/u/cannibale101 [5'4" | Not happy with this anymore]
Created: Wed Jan 18 15:01:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5osggf/im_going_right_back_to_where_i_was_at_an/
---
For as long as i remember, Christmas has always been a massive food fest for me and every year, i expected a certain weight gain. This year, for the first time, I decided to stay "reasonable" - i even fasted and restricted more than usual and lost a few extra pounds beforehand, just in case i couldn't do it and gained anyway, to help myself not panic too much about the post-christmas number. It worked. I was 115 only a few weeks ago, 3lbs over my LW, full of energy and super motivated to keep going.

But then i think something clicked just after the holidays... i started eating like there's no tomorrow and i just can't stop...! Feels like i'm punishing myself or whatever, i don't get it, but yeah it's been 2 1/2 weeks now and i'm actually fucking 12lbs over now : 127lbs!!!!!! What the fuck is going on! Is it even possible!?

Plus i'm always extremely tired so all i do after work is fall asleep as soon as i sit down, so no workout possible at the moment. I'm failing so hard right now :( It hurts to see how fucking quickly and easily all that work got cancelled :( Losing all that weight was hard. I don't know if i want to keep starting over forever...

Thanks for listening.

EDIT. Like, how the hell is it impossible to lose more than 2lbs/week but totally right to gain 1lb/day??? Gosh i'm mad.

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[Help] Serious: porridge drives me insane
/u/larpin94
Created: Wed Jan 18 14:53:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5osejk/serious_porridge_drives_me_insane/
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For some odd reason I have this strange emotional connection to a bowl of porridge...I almost always have a bowl for breakfast, if I don't I'll need one at night, or sometimes I'll just have a light snack for tea and have a bowl anyway.

I've resisted almost all of my cravings...I haven't eaten pizza in over 2 years, I haven't had a pastry or proper slice of cake in a year, I never buy sweets or chocolates, but when I crave oats, which I often do, I can't seem to resist. I've tried removing it from the house, but it would take a sea of lava to stop me going to the shops and getting more.

Family members tell me "it's just oats" and is "nothing to worry about", but I feel so restricted eating so much porridge rather than other things that I can't fit into my diet.

I don't know if anyone else has experienced this issue with oats or any similar food, but it is driving me nuts and I would appreciate any advice.

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How do you dress to avoid weight loss?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 18 14:43:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oscby/how_do_you_dress_to_avoid_weight_loss/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] How do you start your water fasts?
/u/APairofScales [5'6" | CW:Too Much | BMI:Nope| Weight Lost:Too Little | Male]
Created: Wed Jan 18 14:26:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5os8gd/how_do_you_start_your_water_fasts/
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[removed]

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[Help] I literally don't know how to fucking eat
/u/nobutlisten [5'5 | CW: 101.0 | GW: lol | BMI: 16.8 | F 25 👽]
Created: Wed Jan 18 13:48:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5orzkb/i_literally_dont_know_how_to_fucking_eat/
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My anorexic thoughts are through the roof recently. I don't know how to handle this anymore. I can't bring myself to be okay with eating anything anymore, even my safe foods. I brought a healthy small lunch today but the thought of eating it feels so unbearable even though my stomach is literally growling. I just can't do it guys. The thought of eating makes me want to break down and cry. I can't do it. I feel like such a fucking stupid weirdo, god I don't want to be like this. But I don't want to not be like this either. 😥 like wtf do I do. Is there anyway to not be miserable? I see no solution.


/mobile. Flair HELP

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[Discussion] Does anyone else watch shows for reverse-thinspo?
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Wed Jan 18 12:58:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ornx6/does_anyone_else_watch_shows_for_reversethinspo/
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Sorry for the poor wording of the title. I'm just curious, because lately i've been watching My 600-lb Life as a kind of motivator to not gain more weight. Even though I'm not even close to their weight, it reminds me of how bad it could become.
Does anyone else do this? If so, what shows do you watch?

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[Intro] Starting again (again).
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 18 12:23:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5org3m/starting_again_again/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Jealous of GF
/u/acronym_acronym [5' 11" | 135 lbs | 18.8 | -5 lbs | Male]
Created: Wed Jan 18 11:41:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5or6fg/jealous_of_gf/
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My girlfriend and I have been together almost 5 months now and we've both had problems with ed's. She's recovering and idk what I'm doing but she's still so fucking thin compared to me. Her bmi is like 15.4 and I'm a fatass sitting at 18.8. I really don't want to be jealous but I can't help it. I feel bad being jealous because she's said not to compare myself to her but I still want to be that thin. Idk what to do anymore.

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[Discussion] DAE think in terms of weight ranges?
/u/littlestpiglet [5'2" | CW: 102.4 | 18.9 | UGW: 98 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 18 11:29:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5or3m5/dae_think_in_terms_of_weight_ranges/
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My weight fluctuates a bit from day to day, even when I'm doing everything perfectly, so I try to think in terms of various weight ranges/categories. I adjust them every few months once I'm sure that I've legitimately lost weight. These are mine currently:

* less than 101.0 = new territory! If I can maintain a weight in this range for a couple weeks, it's time to adjust my ranges

* 101.0 - 101.9 = current ideal

* 102.0 - 102.9 = acceptable

* 103.0 - 105.0 = temporarily acceptable (after a binge, before my period, etc.), but I need to double down on my efforts to get back to the acceptable range

* more than 105.0 = absolutely unacceptable. At this point I'm willing to take measures that I consider "extreme" to get back down

What are your weight ranges/categories?

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Magic noodles!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 18 11:04:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oqxth/magic_noodles/
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[removed]

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[Intro] feeling alone
/u/zombieflick [5'4" | 119 | 20.83 | -11 lbs | f]
Created: Wed Jan 18 10:42:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oqsm5/feeling_alone/
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Hey.. I've been lurking for a while but I guess I've decided it's time to join in. I've been struggling with disordered eating for a little over a year, so not that long, but I keep losing and gaining the same 20 pounds so fast that I've gotten stretch marks :( I keep thinking that I'm done with it, and then i relapse again. Well, I've just relapsed because i felt so disgusted with myself after the winter holidays, having reached my highest weight since last June, and this time it's worse than ever. I can barely bring myself to put food in my mouth, and when i do I get such a strong urge to throw it up. Thankfully I haven't gotten into that habit yet and hopefully I won't, but it's so tempting...

My family and friends have noticed my habits and are getting worried. I wish they wouldn't :/ I can't tell anyone what's going on for me because they'll try to help me "recover," and I'm far from ready for that. It's making me feel super isolated from people who I want to be able to trust with my feelings... so, I'm hoping it'll help to join a community of people who will understand and not judge me.

So here I am. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading my rambles :)

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[Rant/Rave] Developed anorexia during puberty -- nearly a decade later and I'm still feeling the effects
/u/englace [172cm | 112lbs | 17.0 | -35.4lbs | Female]
Created: Wed Jan 18 09:34:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oqd48/developed_anorexia_during_puberty_nearly_a_decade/
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Hey, I'm on mobile so I can't flair this, but I think a rant tag is probably right.

I was a late bloomer and started to restrict when I was around 12. Going into that I was already riding the line of underweight, and so when the other girls my age got boobs, hips, and ended up with a somewhat feminine figure, I kind of got nothing. I feel honestly grossed out looking in the mirror - my hips are basically nonexistent, my breasts are clearly underdeveloped, and even my shoulders and torso seem childlike. I thought I'd love looking gaunt, but I'm five seven and I look like I've been in a prison camp my entire life. Even with all this in mind though, and the knowledge I could still develop normally if I stopped restricting, I can't. No matter how much I lose I feel fat. Ugh. I pretty much always keep my shirt on when I'm being intimare with partners, and I seriously cant imagine this kind of body being attractive. I don't supoose anyone can relate to any of this?

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[Intro] New here. Again.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 18 09:34:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oqd18/new_here_again/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Two good days in a row! [rave]
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 18 09:12:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oq85d/two_good_days_in_a_row_rave/
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I'm so bad about binges when I'm high, but I also really love smoking before bed. Lately I've been such a monster about it, but last night I told myself I would only eat a thing of apple sauce and have some sleepy time tea- and I did it!!! And it wasn't that hard!!!!!!!
If that weren't enough, today one of my friends told me every time he sees me I'm smaller and smaller. Usually comments like that make me really self conscious because I feel like it's a hit at "you used to be huge" but something about the words he chose made me feel amazing. I'm super proud of myself and motivated to keep up with restricting and not letting myself tear up the fridge before bed!! Hopefully it keeps up :)

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[Rant/Rave] The kid I watch over will not stop squeezing my stomach and mid-section.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 18 09:01:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oq5u3/the_kid_i_watch_over_will_not_stop_squeezing_my/
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It's the part about me that I'm most self-conscious. She thinks she's tickling me, but I'm pushing her away because I don't like it. She's 12 and I've explained I'm not ticklish, but she sees my defense as being ticklish.

I'm going to remind her again I don't like it, but it's such a pain because it'll put her in a bad mood again. Not my problem.

I hate being touched and prodded and squeezed. It's always been like that, but this feels worse. I now have to practically guard my stomach. If I'm standing, I can flex and suck it but I'd kill myself if she grabbed it while I was sitting down.

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[Rant/Rave] The stack of skinny jeans that sits in my closet...
/u/demonofequality [5'5"| CW: 128 | GW: 115 | 21.89 | -22 lbs| F]
Created: Wed Jan 18 08:54:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oq4bl/the_stack_of_skinny_jeans_that_sits_in_my_closet/
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This might be kind of long so sorry in advance.

For over a year now I have had this stack of skinny jeans that sit tucked away in my closet that are too small to fit in. They're a size smaller than what I'm currently wearing, not too small to where I can't squeeze my body into and not die but clearly not big enough to where I can button them and then go about my usual day. One of them is my favorite pair from college (I graduated in 2014 for reference) that I can't fit in anymore because I got fat, another is from H&M (because for the life of me I can't figure out their pant sizes and get a pair that actually fits me), and the other is from American Eagle that fit perfect when I got them and then after the first wash shrunk a whole size smaller. I really liked all of these jeans so me being me I refused to throw them away, and kept telling myself, "one day you will fit in those".

Backtrack to last night. My boyfriend and I are in our apartment, he's doing homework and I'm cleaning. He's pretty oblivious sometimes, especially about changes to one’s physical appearance, but he noticed (finally) that my jeans were sitting really baggy on me and commented. I couldn't help myself… I smirked so hard, whipped around and pulled my pants down in one motion without unzipping them or unbuttoning them. All he said was, “Oh!” and all I said back was, “Yup.” But I was grinning so hard... :D I pulled my pants back up and we went back to our business.

This morning we get up and start to get ready for work/school. I, out of habit, pull out a pair of jeans from my dresser that I normally wear to work and put them on - like most of my jeans now they sit a bit loose. Again my boyfriend notices this and he suggests that I, “can probably fit into the jeans in the closet”. I’ve just woken up, I’m practically still asleep, so I don’t get that dreaded panicky feeling in my stomach I normally do when I have to try on something that could possibly be too small. I figure fuck it, why not!? So I pull out the pair from H&M and pull them on…and holy fuck guys…they fit. They fit like a dream! I’m at work right now, sitting, writing this in these very jeans! I’ve even had breakfast (a piece of toast and coke zero – 100 cal)!

I can’t remember the last time I felt this ecstatic about putting on jeans. It feels so fucking good! I wish I could share this feeling with each and every one of you on this sub. I hope everyone here gets a chance to feel like this because holy fuck is it motivating! I feel like I could do a 7 day fast without blinking an I that’s how on top of the world I feel right now. Ugh guys I’m rambling now. But for real. This is great. I love you all and I feel like I couldn’t have done it without this sub. So thank you. :)

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[Tip] 61 calorie egg white omelette
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 18 08:41:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oq1fv/61_calorie_egg_white_omelette/
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http://imgur.com/RBmsoys

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[Rant/Rave] Moved to a new country.
/u/Atsugaruru
Created: Wed Jan 18 08:21:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5opx6e/moved_to_a_new_country/
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And I'm devastated. All the women here are drop dead gorgeous, with long beautiful hair and tiny slim bodies. I'm starting university with a bunch of 16 year olds, while I'm this ugly fat 19 year old who can barely speak the language of these people. I feel like just giving up. I'll never fit in or be as skinny as these girls, I'm just going the be the stupid ugly foreigner and never make a single friend throughout my entire academic career.

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[Discussion] Phantom Binge
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Wed Jan 18 08:18:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5opwkb/phantom_binge/
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At night, I tend to wake up in a cold sweat and a seemingly full stomach with the idea that I just binged on breads or something.

I know I didn't randomly binge in my sleep haha, but there's a part of me that always thinks you know, what if I did?

Man, I used to purge water in the middle of the night just to be sure. Now I don't care as much, but it still freaks me out and it happens so often.

I can't be the only one who had such lifelike "dreams" of binging.

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[Tip] I blocked all the food websites I usually order online from
/u/WorstCunt [donkey brain]
Created: Wed Jan 18 08:07:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5opubo/i_blocked_all_the_food_websites_i_usually_order/
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I am really bad for this. The day will go ok but then at like 11:30pm I'll get cravings and go online to order food. So today I went into system32 and blocked all the sites I usually get junk food from.

Hopefully the 'cannot be reached' message and the effort to back and revert will be enough of a deterrent/reminder why I did it in the first place.

[Here's a guide](http://www.pcworld.com/article/249077/web-apps/how-to-block-websites.html) in case anyone else has something they want to block. I know you can do this with parental controls and add-ons but I feel like they're too easy to switch back and forth.

My laptop also said I didn't have permission to change the files but you can change that with [this](https://www.tenforums.com/general-support/11394-windows-10-says-i-dont-have-permission-save-anything.html) guide.

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed Jan 18 07:16:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5opkcp/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/de3cdaee68314948849ddd2fd5c6827b?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=174ee51580aa0941fae78de5ac1e0a59

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[Discussion] Joylent: Anyone interested in a review thingy of a meal replacement/powdered food shake - especially in terms of hunger, cravings, b/p and weight loss?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 18 05:53:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5op675/joylent_anyone_interested_in_a_review_thingy_of_a/
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[deleted]

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday January 18, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jan 18 05:08:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oozqf/way_to_go_wednesday_january_18_2017/
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This is the weekly achievement thread for January 18, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 18, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jan 18 05:08:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oozpo/daily_food_diary_january_18_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for January 18, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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Put on weight. Distraught.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 18 03:24:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ooma6/put_on_weight_distraught/
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[removed]

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[Intro] From one extreme to the other.
/u/fishwontquit [5'4 | F | CW:318.2lbs | HW:358lbs | UGW:125lbs]
Created: Tue Jan 17 23:48:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5onvku/from_one_extreme_to_the_other/
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I guess this is my introduction after lurking a lot and commenting a couple times. I don't know if I really belong here.

I binge eat. I look in the mirror and don't realize how fat I am til I see photos. Then I restrict. I've tried to make myself throw up after my worst binges but I don't have much of a gag reflex so I tend to give up after thirty minutes of maybe puking up a portion of food.
Anyway, I seem to go from super binge to super restriction. Bingeing is always easier though so weight comes on fast.
My relationship with food is so love/hate. I love the feeling of fullness as it really takes the focus away from all emotions but than it will turn to shame, disgust, depression and fear. I'm getting more and more comfortable with that feeling of hunger that gnaws at you. My life feels like it's in shambles given I'm 25 so the hunger makes me feel like I have control somewhere.

Right now I'm restricting but not as hard core as the past, 1200 cals or less vs 800 cals or less.

I am going to be brave enough to update my flair as well. I feel disgusted honestly.

Umm... So I'm wondering if anyone else experiences anything remotely similar or has experienced anything remotely similar or if I even belong here.

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[Rant/Rave] Ughhhh no binging (no flair mobile//rant/rave)
/u/LittleBlackHeart8 [5'7" | cw:124 | gw:115 | 19.7 | -31lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 21:18:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5on7yr/ughhhh_no_binging_no_flair_mobilerantrave/
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Oh my god, on my way home from work I pulled in and out of 4 different fast food places. I'm smoking a cigarette on my porch and trying so hard not to get back in my car and go buy a crap load of food and binge out. I finally got down to 120 and I so don't want to mess it up. My hands are shaking and I feel weird. Background info: binge ate like a maniac for three years and I'm back down to my original weight, have been for a few weeks now, trying to lose more, about to go fuck it up, and I am losing my mind.

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[Thinspo] Cher lloyd 😍😍 a thinspo of mine
/u/Dead_ugly19
Created: Tue Jan 17 21:08:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5on630/cher_lloyd_a_thinspo_of_mine/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/7ad7a1c20a104953907435a787c16a73?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=2d66f74fcc39ae73991c28dba3b7f235

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[Rant/Rave] ED vs hypochondria: the cage match inside my head. [Rant]
/u/llamadude00
Created: Tue Jan 17 21:04:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5on5cy/ed_vs_hypochondria_the_cage_match_inside_my_head/
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On one hand: I feel as if I eat over 1000 calories, I will somehow balloon up into a morbidly obese nasty girl with no friends.

On the other: my severe anxiety and hypochondria turn every single chest ache and stomach pain into "oh my god I'm dying and it's all because I'm restricting!! I'm dying it's happening I need to eat up to 800 calories NOW"

Every day. Every single day. I don't know which one will eventually win. I don't know which one I want to win.

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[Rant/Rave] I am so frustrated.
/u/siamesealmeidaa [height:5'6" | CW:120lbs | BMI:19.4 | weight lost:18lb | gender:F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 20:34:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5omzue/i_am_so_frustrated/
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I'm ~1lb away from my first goal weight. how can these fat pants still fit around my calves. I swear I was this weight when I was my thinnest two summers ago, but I'm not that small now. how...

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[Thinspo] yoojin
/u/wearebulletproof [5'4 | fat | 20F🎀✨]
Created: Tue Jan 17 20:24:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5omy2d/yoojin/
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http://imgur.com/a/Geys6

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Using ambien to curb hunger? (No flair-on mobile)
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 19:41:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ompxv/using_ambien_to_curb_hunger_no_flairon_mobile/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Lost 12 lbs, but boyfriend doesn't notice
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 168.2 | -24 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Tue Jan 17 19:02:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5omief/lost_12_lbs_but_boyfriend_doesnt_notice/
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And I know 12 lbs out of a total of 80+ that I need to lose is barely a dent, but fuck if it didn't hurt to see him kinda scan my body when I came to him with the news. I could physically feel his eyes dragging over me and I just felt...like such a failure. 12 is nothing. 12 is fucking pitiful. I'm embarrassed I was ever even proud of myself. I can restrict more. I can eat less sodium, drink more water, *starve better.*

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[Thinspo] themed thinspo album: guy & girl goals (no nudity, but sauciness for sure)
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | cw: cow | gw: calf | 19F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 18:40:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ome1s/themed_thinspo_album_guy_girl_goals_no_nudity_but/
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http://imgur.com/a/2HWBm

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[Rant/Rave] I fucked up today.
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Tue Jan 17 17:42:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5om2cg/i_fucked_up_today/
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The plan is to stay under 500. I eat 1 bagel and 1 protein bar per day, so 450 calories, plus a shit ton of water. Today I ate half a bagel (130), a protein bar (190), and a 6-inch sub sandwich (somewhere around 300, no meat or cheese). I was eating with a friend too and she kind of goaded me into eating some fries (who knows how much?) So I probably went over by at LEAST 200.
I feel so disgusting and bloated, like I'm going to die. I wasn't even hungry to start with. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I wish I could get gastric bypass so that I would be forced to eat as little as possible. I'm so fat and stretchmark-y and lumpy and disgusting and I fucking hate it. I just want to take a knife and cut off all the fat parts, but then I would be left with nothing.
Sorry for the random rant. I just don't have anywhere else to say this kind of stuff.

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[Help] Grocery shopping?
/u/Glitter_Vega [5f7 | Lots | Embarassing | -44 | Queer]
Created: Tue Jan 17 17:22:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5olyaj/grocery_shopping/
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I know this is a topic that seems to come up pretty regularly, but there's also a lot of new faces here.

Recently managed to get my pantry & freezer cleared out (finally!), and now I'm looking at pretty much empty spaces. I know there are a lot of staples people tend to buy -

what is a typical trip for you? What items can't you live without? What is too depressing to consider being out of?

Probably going to head to the shops tomorrow night, so I was hoping to be able to incorporate your suggestions.
<3

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[Help] What scales do you use?
/u/pussystrongerthangod [168cm | 119lb | 19.2 | vegan cow | F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 16:54:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ols6l/what_scales_do_you_use/
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I'm moving soon and the scales I'm using are my housemates fancy pants ones so they are staying here. I want to buy my own scales before I go so I can compare myself new vs old and not get a fright!

I've just spent an unholy amount of time scouring through amazon reviews and it's stressing me out!

I need reliable above all else (duh I guess), but also not too pricey.

What are you lovely people stepping on?

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[Rant/Rave] Someone asked if I was pregnant?
/u/erilaz- [5'7 | CW: 160 | GW: 110 | -60lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 16:36:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oloae/someone_asked_if_i_was_pregnant/
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I was at work and this elderly woman asked if I "was expecting"

I'm in retail so I have to play nice but it was a real punch in the gut. When I said no she apologized and said it was because my shirt looked like a maternity shirt.

I'm returning this shirt immediately and working out forever ugh.

But on the plus side, I haven't had an experience like this in a while so I can motivate myself with it for a bit. Sorry for me rambling I'm extremely upset :(

(Also on mobile so can't flair)

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[Help] Wide Hips
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 16:35:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5olo48/wide_hips/
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Does anyone know if you can fix wide hips? My legs are on the shorter side but my hips are wider and it makes me look stout, especially since I'm small on top (30 inch underbust/24 inch waist vs 36 inch hips). I mean these kind of legs/hips: http://imgur.com/a/zK6v2
My problem is that the widest part of my hip is bone, so I feel like no matter how much more weight I lose, I'll look the same from the front.
I would rather have narrow, model-like hips: http://imgur.com/a/Bmf9u
Is there a way to achieve those or am I stuck? DAE have this problem?

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[Rant/Rave] Good news bad news :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 17 16:08:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5olilv/good_news_bad_news/
---
I got a new scale and I guess it's more accurate but it says I am 4 POUNDS heavier than my old ones. WTF. That's a whole other 4-8 weeks it's gonna take to get to my goal (slow metabolism), and probably 5-9 MONTHS total if I want to get down to my UGW. I should just give up now. This puts me more towards overweight than underweight ;(

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[Rant/Rave] (Rave) a friend asked me if I lost weight?!?
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 15:42:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5olct6/rave_a_friend_asked_me_if_i_lost_weight/
---
So I posted an obligatory senior semester picture and a friend asked me if I lost any weight and was surprised. Like 1. It's flattering but I've actually gained weight in the last like week so fuck me am I right lol

But then I went to see how much I weighed when I last saw him and I was 145, I'm 130 now so I guess it could be noticeable but I think it was mostly the lighting.

But besides that I remember when I was hovering 140 all the time thinking I'd never see 130 and now I'm here around 130 all the time. So I guess that motivation that if I work hard I'll see 120 and even below!

And so this is kind of a lame drawn out way of saying that eventually you'll reach you'll goals so take this as the sign to stay motivated bunnies 👍🏼☺️

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[Other] I really did not realise mints are like super laxativey
/u/eldariya [6'4 | 138.7 | 15.8 | -127.3 | M]
Created: Tue Jan 17 14:20:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oktyz/i_really_did_not_realise_mints_are_like_super/
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Ok so I fucking love mints and recently from exam stress I'm eating like 200 tic tacs a day lmao, ok so literally my BM are every fucking 30 minutes and like a massive SLOOSH of disappointment.
Who knew mints are so powerful

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[Goal] I never thought having an ED would help in school!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 17 14:06:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5okqou/i_never_thought_having_an_ed_would_help_in_school/
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I had a test today. One of the questions was "Average out calories ate and figure out how many pounds would be lost on average per month", I couldn't believe it, I do this for fun all the time haha. Got the question right all thanks to my ED making me keep track of data!

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[Thinspo] Just thought I'd share one of my favorite thinspos- Nina Dobrev on vampire diaries 😍
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 14:06:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5okqo1/just_thought_id_share_one_of_my_favorite_thinspos/
---
https://imgur.com/a/TbwrV

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[Goal] I never thought have an ED would help me in school.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 17 14:01:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5okpl9/i_never_thought_have_an_ed_would_help_me_in_school/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Was anyone else a big eater growing up?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 13:47:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5okmfi/was_anyone_else_a_big_eater_growing_up/
---
I was a HUGE eater. I'm talking second serving at every meal, I'm talking an entire pizza, I'm talking four scoops of ice cream drizzled down with hot cocoa. Whenever my grandma wanted to tell a funny story about me, she'll tell people about my food adventures. How I finished both my cousins sundaes at the age of five.

It's apparently seen as a good thing, probably because I was rail thin at the time(I was on Ritalin most of my childhood, never stood still, ate like one meal per day)

Am I an isolated case?

On mobile/give discussion flair

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[Rant/Rave] The ultimate joke
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 13:22:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5okgwf/the_ultimate_joke/
---
My younger brother is 13 years old and seriously training to be a pro swimmer. He is very thin/small for his age and HATES to eat, so my parents are obsessed with finding ways for him to eat more and his caloric intake is a constant topic of conversation. They are constantly trying to find new calorie dense foods to feed him, badgering him for not eating enough etc. I have counted his calories and he probably eats about 3-4000 calories a day (and burns about 1000 at his 3 hour swim practices).
Meanwhile, I have lost 30 lbs in the last 6 months (not that impressive, I concede) and regularly skip family meals and neither of them have a word to say about it. Today, as I ate raw cabbage for dinner he runs upstairs and proudly exclaims "I JUST ATE 5 WHOLE TBS OF PEANUT BUTTER!" and everyone is so proud. I am proud. And I am sad, and hungry, and tired and lonely and sick of being an 'average' weight.
But really, I couldn't have written a more sick, ironic joke if I had tried.

---

[Intro] Loving that I'm not alone....
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -35 | 30F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 13:20:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5okgg3/loving_that_im_not_alone/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Relapsed in Oct & now squishy
/u/notworthausername [5'7" | 136 | 27F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 12:20:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ok2ts/relapsed_in_oct_now_squishy/
---
I had a relapse of everything in late September thru Thanksgiving. Stress instigated. I started drinking again (quit in 2014, have since quit again), started smoking cigarettes again (have since quit), drank La Croix for meals, lived off of rice cakes, broth, and measured cereal for breakfast. Lost 10 pounds in those 8 weeks. Purged a bunch. Took a laxative and stool softener every day. Cut (scratched more like) my arm once.


Now I've gained 7ish pounds of that weight back. I haven't ran or done yoga since before I had a breakdown except for tonight. I ran four miles. I had to go run because I felt so damn squishy and fat and I get so agitated like I want to scream and throw a fit and punch something. It's like 3/4 of things that trigger me into an episode (diagnosed mood disorder) involve food.


"I ate too much." "My boyfriend ate less than me." "I feel guilty for eating." "Why did I eat that?" Then when I do eat sometimes I go off the handle. In one sitting today I ate a soft taco, 400 cal worth of oreos, a pack of fruit snacks, and tons of grapes because I was in a fine mood. It's like when I'm happy I say "I can eat! It's fine!" like a little manic episode... and then when I overeat... you know the rest.
Before I relapsed I'd purge maybe once every two months, sometimes more. I've been stopping myself lately so at least that's good. Usually it's only because it's late at night and I'd taken (prescribed) pills that I don't want to puke up.


I literally feel it in my body. My chest gets tight and my throat closes up. Then I want to physically hit my stomach, or bend over and squeeze it until I think it'll bruise. I feel the squish and I can't get rid of it. My head fills with pressure. I usually take an Ativan or a bath at this point.. but I just want to get rid of having this fucking feeling.


What do you guys do to get rid of feeling like this? Do you feel like this? I don't know if I can tell you my height/weight but I was 129-130lb when I lost the weight, and am floating around 136-138 right now and am 5'7". LW was 110.


I can't even wear jeans that sit below my belly button or else I feel it all. I just wanna get over this and thought someone might have some tips to help me...


Plus one of my supposed good friends started running and working out with me last summer and she started losing weight. She would subconsciously brag about what she ate that day. After a run at 6PM she'd say, "We should go eat, I've only had Triscuits and hummus today." Then we go eat and she eats like a mouse in front of me. I approached her about it and she's since stopped but it annoys the fuck out of me. It's not the same.
....sorry for the last rant.


Now I'm quitting dairy hoping to lose weight and have started working out more since I'm eating more. Well, I only ran once but still, here's to hoping.


If you have any tips for me... I'd sure appreciate it.

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[Rant/Rave] queer with an ED
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 17 12:05:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ojzoe/queer_with_an_ed/
---
[deleted]

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[Intro] I guess ... I'm here
/u/why_cant_you_learn [5'8" | 140lbs | 21.06 | -45 | 35F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 11:53:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ojwrg/i_guess_im_here/
---
*sigh*

Ok, I guess I am ready to admit that my eating disorders are back and that I am kind of ok with that? I was severely anorexic/bulimic for most of my life until entering treatment over 10 years ago. I did the thing. I went to the hospital and gained weight and got better. I got better for a very long time.

But...here I am. It's been 6 months and -40lbs of restricting to under 1000 a day. Purging when I go over. Saving my calories for booze at night so my brain can just friggin SHUT UP for a few hours. I don't even have a goal. I just want to hurt, I guess. I don't think I deserve to feel happy anymore.

Last night I purged pizza and then punched myself in the face over and over for being so stupid and worthless. I have half a sandwich sitting on my desk and I CANNOT bring myself to eat it and I am just trying to drink mint tea and ignore it and ignore how tight my belt feels. I am also on my period so I am basically a landwhale.

And I feel so small and stupid. I am old and married and own a home and I am not who I was 10 years ago. Yet, here I am. I think maybe I'm just supposed to be this way forever.

Sorry for the rantro. It's been a bad few days. You all seem like such wonderful folk. I hope it's ok that I am here.

---

[Goal] Met a guy I really like!!!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 17 11:37:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ojtck/met_a_guy_i_really_like/
---
[removed]

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[Intro] I've been going about things all wrong.
/u/littlelumpi [5'1" | 163 | 31.4 | -28 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 10:59:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ojkn8/ive_been_going_about_things_all_wrong/
---
I'm here because this sub makes sense to me, it feels like one of the last genuine places on the internet, tbh. I know I could get support for weight loss from the people on other weight loss subs, but only if I can separate my weightloss from all of the disordered thoughts and destructive tendencies that got me to this weight. Its like you can't be on those subs and admit you're trying to stay under 800 calories. On those subs, you can't be honest about fucked up thoughts, or how much of your emotional shit is tied into your relationship with food. You can't exactly post about the fact that you cried naked in front of a mirror and decided to get high instead of eating. I just really feel like this would be one of the few places where I can be honest and be met with a little understanding instead of just pity, concern, or aversion.


I created a new account because I've been lurking here and I decided I want to join the conversation. I just had to have a separate account because I don't want anyone I know to read any of my posts here. At the end of the day, I don't want anyone to know my business or anyone to try and stop me from restricting. I'm even more afraid that they'll laugh in my face and tell me I'm too huge to have any problem that can't be fixed with some self control.


The TRUTH is, I'm fat because my eating habits seem beyond self control to me. I've tried to have self control only to end up heartbroken by my own compulsions. I've spent years eating for comfort, eating out of boredom, and a lot of eating compulsively, especially when I have time alone. I've been dieting for years too, losing and gaining back the same fucking 30 lbs and I'm just so tired of it. You want to know the sad part? I was so caught up in finding an easy way to lose weight, that I was actually doing it the harder way. I was on all these different "fad diets" until I'd finally just quit because I couldn't stop myself from eating everything in the pantry.


I feel really lucky that I realized how much I was screwing myself trying to find some miracle diet. Now I know that counting calories and eating a deficit is the only thing that works. Anyways, now I'm doing high restriction (ranging from 800 to 1200 calories a day). I'm still trying to lose weight, and now that I understand how to count calories, it feels a lot easier to control, and makes a lot more sense to me. For the first time in a long time, I know I can do this.


Can I also just add, and I mean no offense to anyone that may be my size or my age, but I've been overweight my entire adult life and now I'm getting up into my higher 20s and feel really pathetic that I wasted my "hot" years being fat.

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT/RAVE] I have a bit of a weird deadline for my first GW.
/u/ITDIDNTHAPPENISWEA-
Created: Tue Jan 17 10:32:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ojee1/rantrave_i_have_a_bit_of_a_weird_deadline_for_my/
---
Tbh, by the time the live action Beauty and the Beast comes out I have to lose 20lbs..

Watched Cinderella with Lily James a month ago and I felt bugs under my skin the whole time, I hated that I didn't look like that so much. I felt disgusting. I get she was corseted but a corset can really only do so much.

Emma Watson is a big inspiration of mine, from her Harry Potter days to her He for She work to her small figure and personality I really wish I could have. I'd like to feel I'd at least have a chance of being on par with her (I'm also an actress) by that time...

I'm weird.

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[Help] Scales that don't have artificial repeatability?
/u/orgy-of-nerdiness [5'5" | 137 lb | 23.0 | -25 | 21F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 10:24:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ojcq7/scales_that_dont_have_artificial_repeatability/
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Most digital scales have artificial repeatability built in to appear more precise; if it detects a weight close to the last recent weight, it will give that exact number again, even if the weight is a bit different.

My scale seems to store this "memory" for about 5 min, so if I want to weigh myself, pee, and weigh myself again, I have to weigh myself holding something heavy to "reset" this.

I want to buy a new scale, and I would prefer one that doesn't do this because it's an inconvenience. Do any of you have scales that don't do this? If so, what is the brand and model?

(you can test this by stepping on your scale, stepping off, then stepping on your scale holding a cup (8 oz) of water. You should weigh 0.5 lb more holding the water.)

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[Rant/Rave] Rant
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 17 09:10:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oiwh1/rant/
---
[removed]

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[Other] I don't even know lol
/u/morose_adipose [5'2 | 90ish | F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 08:10:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oik6m/i_dont_even_know_lol/
---
I woke up this morning with a "fuck it" attitude, took a vacation day, and stayed home with the absolute intention of binging all day on crap I normally wouldn't even think about, much less eat.

I have the house to myself (roommate is gone YAS). I baked (I hate baking) a pan of lemon bars with a graham cracker crust, and as soon as they cool off, I'm going to eat the whole goddamn pan, no fucks given.

I think what was left of my mind is gone. Idgaf right now about calories/fat/carbs. I'm sure once I eat this pan of lemon bars and whatever else I can shovel in, the remorse will creep in and make me want to die, but for the moment, I'm enjoying the apathy.

Fuck me I've lost it lmao.

---

[Rant/Rave] Was prescribed Esitalo. Now I'm looking it up and one of the side effects is WEIGHT GAIN.
/u/kinaadman [5'1" | SW 210 | CW 110 | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 07:41:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oiegy/was_prescribed_esitalo_now_im_looking_it_up_and/
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And I honestly would rather die---literally---than gain any weight. Nope. Not taking these. Fuck that shit.

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Feeling fat today? Just turn your scale into kg mode and feel super skinny for a second ! :D
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 17 05:42:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ohug1/feeling_fat_today_just_turn_your_scale_into_kg/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/c605b0870d32468aa3cf7ac0575bfc7f?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=7960eaf6b42e5f165cf4c219a9cc4d0c

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A January 17, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jan 17 05:08:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ohpiw/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_january_17_2017/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 17, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jan 17 05:08:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ohpi3/daily_food_diary_january_17_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 17, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

Breakfast/Dessert Idea
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Tue Jan 17 05:04:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ohozh/breakfastdessert_idea/
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[removed]

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[Help] Diagnosed with "psychosis" as she put it, prescribed Abilify.
/u/electille [5'7 | 123 | 19.2 | ?]
Created: Tue Jan 17 04:49:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ohmzm/diagnosed_with_psychosis_as_she_put_it_prescribed/
---
[removed]

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[Other] I drew something - sorry for bad quality :(
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Tue Jan 17 02:50:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oh7uj/i_drew_something_sorry_for_bad_quality/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/7d580372014b4575aae889a116d45417?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=730cf366444e5f791af2086fd33af913

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I made a drawing
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 17 02:49:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oh7r1/i_made_a_drawing/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/f8482431ebe44c15a245468a869c83ba?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=39d9773cd48ecab97f25b0b0b4f48cc3

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[Help] Would eating 1000 calories every other day offer the same results as 500 a day?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 17 00:49:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ogtg8/would_eating_1000_calories_every_other_day_offer/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] "I will save up the day's calories to get drunk..."
/u/Please445leave
Created: Mon Jan 16 23:50:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oglqw/i_will_save_up_the_days_calories_to_get_drunk/
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So i drank my calorie total (and beyond) then had a whole pizza and half a loaf of bread. Which one was more drunk, my stomach or my brain?

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] just got home from a family trip
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 16 23:27:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ogijy/rant_just_got_home_from_a_family_trip/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Yzma is goals?!?! I love how pronounced her rib cage is. I'm printing this out to help me stop binging.
/u/HereToStirItUp
Created: Mon Jan 16 22:50:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ogd1g/yzma_is_goals_i_love_how_pronounced_her_rib_cage/
---
http://diply.com/yzma-disney-princess-artist/2?publisher=social

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[Rant/Rave] DAE hate or feel like their height is wrong?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 16 22:13:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5og6y6/dae_hate_or_feel_like_their_height_is_wrong/
---
Just was hanging out with a friend of mine that's like 5'0'' and kinda feeling shitty about myself rn lol.

I just wonder if I'm the only one who stresses about my height. If I got to choose to change my height or weight to anything I wanted I would definitely pick weight, but I still feel so much dysmorphia about my height.

Like I associate tall with being sexy and short with being cute/adorable, I normally just always feel hideous but I know I can't pull off sexy ever. Like I have a childish face I guess, I dont know how to describe it. I get compliments when I wear bows in my head and other cutesy kind of stuff, but I legit look like a middleschooler trying to act older when I try to wear like sexy/glammy kind of makeup/clothes/accessories. I also have a really highpitched voice and am shy, like just a bunch of characteristics I associate with being a short tiny girl. I'm not super tall but still tall enough to get the "did you play basketball in highschool?" kinda small talk, still tall enough that I just don't feel comfortable and that it clashes hard with my personality/vibe I give. It's bad enough that I'm almost underweight and still feel like a cow, but even if I got as low as I can be I'll always be at least half a head taller than my friends. Maybe it's because I grew like 3 inches in half a year when I was 16-17 and never caught up mentally with it, but I hate my height more than almost anything about myself lol.

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[Rant/Rave] Dodged a bullet
/u/K_iwi [5'3" | 124.4 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 16 21:45:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5og2ba/dodged_a_bullet/
---
I volunteered for a school thing this weekend and they provided free pizza for the volunteers. Everyone else got some so i got some too so i wouldn't look out of place. Afterward everyone was talking and i grabbed a cup and started chugging water, then went to the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror for a moment, and I felt so disgusting.

I could feel the pizza in my throat, and my cheeks felt so puffy, and I could feel the grease around my mouth. Just the thought made me feel nauseous. Why did I eat that?? I needed it gone. So i refilled my cup and chugged it down again, and almost started heading to the stall when I stopped myself. Like, "What the fuck are you doing? The door is wide open, theres a room full of people that know you right across the hall, and you want to go throw up in the stall? What are you, an attention whore? Keep it down you fat pig and work it off later."

And I'm SO FUCKING THANKFUL for that voice in my head, because not 5 minutes later, the teacher walked into the bathroom to get paper towels. If I had purged she would have caught me, and then she'd have to report it. Hooooly shit did I dodge a bullet.

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[Other] What the fuck is happening in the discord server?!?!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 16 21:21:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ofy9k/what_the_fuck_is_happening_in_the_discord_server/
---
[deleted]

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[Intro] [Intro] I'm feeling so many things.
/u/Shrinkydinkmyself [5'6"| 119 | 19.3 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 16 20:46:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ofrpc/intro_im_feeling_so_many_things/
---
I made an account to post here so people who know my main account couldn't see it.

I've had a problem with food for a long time (since around middle school, roughly 12 years), and my weight has bounced from barely overweight to where I am now, but this is the first time it's ever been this low.

I'm feeling kind of defeated today. I had been talking to this guy, and I overshare a lot, so he kind of knew what was going on and he was worried. I've told my closest friends because somewhere in my head, I know that something is really wrong (and I see a mental health professional who knows). Anyway, I broke things off with this guy because I feel like I need to get my own shit together before I start dealing with someone else. He was really hot and cold and the unpredictability was kind of driving me nuts. That on top of my own stuff that's going on with food just really was more than I could handle and I needed to cut the emotional cord.

The thing is, I'm not ready to get better, but I'm kind of scared of where I'm going. I also really cared about that guy, so it sort of feels like he's another thing that's been taken from me - like Ben & Jerry's and Taco Bell. At another time in my life, I could have waited for him to figure things out and been okay in the meantime, but right now I just can't.

I just kind of wanted to share in a place where people might get it.

---

[Intro] Getting back into losing again
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Mon Jan 16 19:12:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5of9kc/getting_back_into_losing_again/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I want boobs!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 16 19:03:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5of7n1/i_want_boobs/
---
I want an under the muscle boob job. I want like D or DD. Right now I'd look like a fat stuffed sausage if i got them. I need to be like 120 with my big slut boobs.

Life sucks. I've been lazy today and I've eaten way too much. I haven't been to the gym either. I wish I could wake up in my dream body and never deal with this shit again.

I also tried answering some mock ASCP questions and I didn't do so hot lol I feel dumb, fat and useless.

Mobile no flAir. Rant

---

[Intro] Getting back into weight loss, hoping to make a few friends
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 16 18:54:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5of602/getting_back_into_weight_loss_hoping_to_make_a/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I hate myself
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 16 18:54:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5of5y4/i_hate_myself/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Does anyone else hate looking at themselves?
/u/artgonaut [5'1 | 104.4 | 19.9 | +25 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jan 16 16:46:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oeg9k/does_anyone_else_hate_looking_at_themselves/
---
I hate passing by reflective surfaces and going to the bathroom and having to face the huge mirror spanning the sink to the ceiling. It makes me feel like utter shit -- looking into the mirror and seeing myself -- but I can't look away from it. I've spent almost an hour before just examining myself in front of mirrors even though I know it makes me hate myself.

Does anyone else do this?

---

[Help] How do you overcome BED when your SO triggers it?
/u/no--cake [f | 23.3 | ]
Created: Mon Jan 16 16:35:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oee0c/how_do_you_overcome_bed_when_your_so_triggers_it/
---
I have ironclad self control except when he's around. We're married. The relationship is good, nothing crazy going on. Thank fuck he leaves for work a lot but the times he's home prevents me from getting healthy and getting over this BED. Just his presence, I don't know what or why, is my only trigger, and I cannot conquer the compulsions.

Any insight?

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[Discussion] If you could eat whatever you wanted, what would you eat every day?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 16 16:29:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oecnq/if_you_could_eat_whatever_you_wanted_what_would/
---
How many calories would it be? I sometimes think about this, I think I would eat like 2500-3000 tbh, my stomach is a bottomless pit

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[Discussion] Best pasta substitutes?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 16 16:04:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oe7j7/best_pasta_substitutes/
---
Like the title says I'm looking for a substitute for pasta which is my guilty pleasure. I've tried black bean pasta and didn't like the almost mushy texture. I like zucchini pasta but I don't have the time/energy to put into making it myself and can't find it pre-made near me. Chickpea pasta is the closest thing I've come across but its STILL so many calories, so I'm looking for something I can eat Alfredo/mac and cheese sauce with. I have a super simple homemade recipe I don't think I'll be able to let go of...I'm starting a restrictive diet and wondering if I should just try and only buy singles of shells when I REALLY am feeling like it.

Pasta is the absolute bane of my existence and I need to find a way to move past it but nothing tastes as good as it does. I'm at the end of a bad binge cycle and have begun restricting again and REALLY don't want my pasta craving to send me back to binging again.

---

[Discussion] Been restricting and could use some advice
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 16 15:54:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oe5c4/been_restricting_and_could_use_some_advice/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Proof that Forever 21 has trick mirrors.
/u/nobutlisten [5'5 | CW: 101.0 | GW: lol | BMI: 16.8 | F 25 👽]
Created: Mon Jan 16 14:29:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5odmhc/proof_that_forever_21_has_trick_mirrors/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] So today I messed up (kinda tmi)
/u/borrow_our_light [5'7| 134.4lbs | 21.78 BMI | -27.2lbs | F | GW 115]
Created: Mon Jan 16 13:50:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oddmg/so_today_i_messed_up_kinda_tmi/
---
My girlfriend came over this weekend to hang out. We haven't been able to do that in awhile because of working and being full time students. Now I wanted to make this weekend great for her. She lived part of her life in New York and loves calzones so I ordered some from a local pizza place to be delivered for us. I got her what she wanted and then I got cheese tomatoes and onions (I don't like a lot on calzones), I also got myself a tossed salsa just in case I didn't like it. Today was my cheat day so I wasn't going to feel bad about eating, so I told myself. She starts talking about New York and the food they would eat, they were relatively poor and she started talking about how one calzone could last her a week. I had already eaten half of mine and some of the salad. So I just about died when she said that.

In a few hours I had to go to work so before that I had to shower. She knew that. So I took myself and my portable radio into the washroom (normal for me, nothing to suspect) and then once I was in the shower I decided to purge. This is not something I normally do but something about today sent me over the edge. While purging in the shower my girlfriend walked in and said "I heard you gagging so I brought you water". Then I had to try to play everything off, which I did so awkwardly.

My girlfriend knows about my struggle with ed in my past and I'm worried that she will start catching on now.

Sorry on mobile can't flair.

---

[Rant/Rave] My 14 year old sister is bulimic
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 52.5 kg | 19.28 | 18 f]
Created: Mon Jan 16 13:16:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5od5xr/my_14_year_old_sister_is_bulimic/
---
I feel so guilty. I feel so bad. I know she restricts too

I feel like it's my fault. Sometimes I don't eat dinner, sometimes I only eat oatmeal. She's so young

I KNOW she's been struggling with it for long. Sometimes when I was lying awake in bed, I'd hear faint vomit sounds. I'd convinced myself it's my vomiting phobia acting up. I can't even remember how many times it's happened.

I found out today. I had finally nudged my parents enough to get her to talk to someone. They had convinced me the reason she weighed stuff was only because I did it. That she was only copying me because I'm her big sister. It's all my fault she's like this now. It's all my fault. I should've pushed them harder. Pushed them to get her help.

I don't know what to do. But one thing is sure. I am never talking to her about food and weight and all this stuff again. Not unless she comes to confide in me. Comes to vent. I can't eat dinner with my family anymore either. Not when she's there. All I want to eat is oatmeal.

I'm sorry for this really messy post. The lady she confided in told us (with my sisters allowance) that sometimes she does it more than once a day. I can't help but think... What if she does it every day? I feel like it's become the center of her world. Just the word vomit.

But I might be blowing it out of proportion. Just to me, throwing up food is 100x worse than just not eating it. But also, emetophobia had me not eating stuff that would feel bad to throw up + constantly washing hands for almost two years.

I'm really afraid it'll become some sort of fucked up competition. I can never eat in front of her, I won't let her see how fucked up I am anymore. It's all my fault she's like this. I should've gotten help sooner.

I'm really sorry about this post. Just, I don't know what to do about this. Please help. Please comfort me. Please anything

---

[Discussion] Body dysmorphia
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Mon Jan 16 12:11:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ocr85/body_dysmorphia/
---
Just curious about other people's experiences with it. For me, I have to check the sizes on my clothes constantly and remind myself I'm not obese. I struggle with believing almost anyone who tells me I'm in good shape. There are days when I don't want to leave the house because I feel so disgusting. Anyone here in the same boat?

---

[Rant/Rave] I forgot my ED journal at home today and I need a ramble.
/u/ifuckpineapples [5'3" | 100.8 | 17.8 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 16 11:36:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ocj6e/i_forgot_my_ed_journal_at_home_today_and_i_need_a/
---
I dont need to eat. I don't need to think about food at all.

I don't need to waste money on food just to chew and spit. I really really don't. I don't need food at all.

I hate that you care at all about this. I hate that you ask me how I'm doing and you somehow get me to answer truthfully and spout ED garbage at you. I hate that you know I'm like this. I wish I had never told you, not because of how you've been. you've been so supportive and perfect about it.

I hate that I have an out now. that when I feel like restricting or fasting, I sometimes choose to talk to you instead, talk myself out of it. I want to lock myself in. be forced to deal with this until I'm skinny, at least.

I can't EC stack or even have caffeine because my heart palpitations are already acting up today. I want to complain about that but that'll just make you worry. so I won't say anything. I can't, not until I at least get back to 95.0. I don't want to give up and start over again.

---

[Discussion] Music videos for thinspo?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 16 11:34:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ocioo/music_videos_for_thinspo/
---
I know a lot of you listen to/watch K-Pop for thinpso. Can anyone recommend me any good thinspo bands/songs?

I don't really listen to K-Pop much, but it's really more not knowing any bands than disliking the music. I actually watch [this video](https://youtu.be/ZTmF2v59CtI) (from a Bollywood movie) a lot for thinspo because it's a fun song and the actress is beyond hot (though not traditional "thin").

But yeah, guys! Any recommendations??

---

[Help] Can't control myself around food
/u/lussekatte [5'2 | CW:125lb | GW:110 | 23 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 16 10:51:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oc8my/cant_control_myself_around_food/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Restricting...feeling fine?
/u/LittlestBear [5'7 | CW: 145bs | GW: 100lbs |F]
Created: Mon Jan 16 09:59:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5obx0z/restrictingfeeling_fine/
---
Hi everybody :)

I've been restricting pretty heavily lately (between 150-450 calories daily for the past week) and am losing weight, but experiencing no ill effects whatsoever. Years ago when I had similar eating habits, I remember feeling dizzy and lethargic all the time, tingly hands and feet, but I haven't felt any of that this time.
I'm not even hungry; I crave alcohol and the garbage food that goes along with it, but it's more out of boredom and loneliness and desire to be drunk than anything else.

Anyone else restricting with no symptoms?

---

[Rant/Rave] Stuck in a cycle of bingeing, overeating, and anxiety.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 16 09:23:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5obp7h/stuck_in_a_cycle_of_bingeing_overeating_and/
---
As a bulimic for many years, bingeing and purging was my outlet. Every feeling could be smothered and then released. Over and over. My high is gone. It's been almost a month since I made the conscious decision to stop b/p-ing, but unfortunately have only succeeded halfway. I haven't purged since then and I'm proud of that, but I'm still going to food and I simply cannot anymore.

* I'm surrounded by food. I have to grocery shop almost every day for the family I work for, so I cannot avoid the store. Especially with self-checkout, it's too easy for me to buy bad foods.

* I have too much time. I work for an hour in the morning and then am free until 6:30 most days. I have no money to do anything and simply too much time. I walk around the city and read and listen to books, but the time is making me anxious to accomplish something.

* I need a week. Just one week with no one so I can get back on track. In 3 weeks I get 5 days off, but I cannot keep fucking up until then.

I'm so over this. I miss being able to restrict. The kicker? I know what would help. I need my depression medication, but it's not available in this country and I'm here for another 7 months. Also, no insurance. The answers are all in front of me and I can't quite reach them.

Sorry for the rant, but my head feels like it's going to explode.

---

Finally a texmex restaurant just for us!
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 16 09:17:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5obnxy/finally_a_texmex_restaurant_just_for_us/
---
http://imgur.com/7pEZ0g4

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[Help] If I stop binging I'll have to face life!
/u/strawberrykittykat
Created: Mon Jan 16 07:48:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ob6v1/if_i_stop_binging_ill_have_to_face_life/
---
I want to be normal, I do, a life without that binging-restricting cycle is all I want. But at the same time, I also feel so... Lost! If I stop doing it, then what will I do...? I'll have to face my problems, my feelings! I feel so cozy in my confort zone...

Right now my eating habits consist of not eating all day and then have a large meal at dinner while I watch something on tv. That moment feels like everything is on fire but not me, I'm ok, my little bubble is fine and untouchable by fire and problems.

And sometimes I don't want to be normal at all, I just want to be better a restricting.

I can't be the only one feeling like this. Am I? Anyone who got past this? How?

---

[Help] death weight
/u/faebun [5'6 | 125.6lb | 20.35 | -38.8 | NB]
Created: Mon Jan 16 07:35:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ob4lx/death_weight/
---
on phone so no flair sorry

i always said that i'd kill myself if i ever get to 150 again and i'm only 7 pounds away from that

i'm scared

anyone else have something like this? ever gotten dangerously close to it?

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! January 16, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jan 16 05:13:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oaird/weekly_stats_update_january_16_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for January 16, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 16, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jan 16 05:13:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oaiqe/daily_food_diary_january_16_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 16, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Help] Obviously I have an ED... What BMI do I look like? (Bonespo, maybe?)
/u/ThrowawayBMI
Created: Mon Jan 16 04:25:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oacun/obviously_i_have_an_ed_what_bmi_do_i_look_like/
---
http://imgur.com/a/p3gb7

---

[Discussion] How can I prevent myself from getting addicted to c&s?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 16 03:50:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oa8m9/how_can_i_prevent_myself_from_getting_addicted_to/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] My ED is making me want to push my boyfriend away
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 16 03:13:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oa4a3/my_ed_is_making_me_want_to_push_my_boyfriend_away/
---
[deleted]

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[Goal] Anyone want to join me for one week of no binge/purge?
/u/kinaadman [5'1" | SW 210 | CW 110 | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 16 02:54:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5oa1o9/anyone_want_to_join_me_for_one_week_of_no/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] Starting a new chapter...
/u/lovelybones98 [5'2 | 115 | 21 | 6lbs | F ]
Created: Mon Jan 16 01:57:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o9unk/starting_a_new_chapter/
---
I'm finally saying goodbye to this sub reddit and to my eating disorder. I feel ready to recover, and have gone through a lot of positive changes and an ED ridden life is not how I want to keep living. After 4 years, 2 admissions, and lots of failures I finally feel ready. I got into my dream college and have an amazing boyfriend and my ED ruined my high school years and my last relationship. I never thought I would feel secure and happy enough to let go of my ED, yet here I am. I wish you all the best of luck in finding peace and happiness whether it be through starting recovery or in another way. Thanks to everyone who has provided support through this sub reddit.

---

Does this sub have a discord chat?
/u/effinglizzi [Discussion]
Created: Sun Jan 15 21:15:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o8p4g/does_this_sub_have_a_discord_chat/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] How does your ED manifest itself in relationships/single?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 147 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Sun Jan 15 20:42:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o8jms/how_does_your_ed_manifest_itself_in/
---
(On mobile) I was having a convo today and someone talked about the weight you gain when you start dating someone and I was kinda surprised Bc id never heard of it and also I always tend to restrict more when I'm dating due to 1) not liking people watch me eat 2) wanting be "worthy" of them 3) I'm so focused on them it takes my mind off any hunger etc. with some people it might be hard Bc of date night meals but luckily both my last partners were so unperceptive I was able to lie my way through any time they questioned me. my last relationship I lost 15 lbs and the one before 24 lbs. what has your experience been? Do you prefer being single or relationship Bc of your ED?

---

Need to learn how to fast for five days.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 15 20:17:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o8f2f/need_to_learn_how_to_fast_for_five_days/
---
[deleted]

---

Need all the motivation I can get!
/u/reallynuggie
Created: Sun Jan 15 19:25:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o85z7/need_all_the_motivation_i_can_get/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] anyone make themself binge?
/u/c_nterella
Created: Sun Jan 15 18:09:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o7rp5/anyone_make_themself_binge/
---
Idk I'll do this sometime. Like I'm eating Chinese food halfheartedly rn. It's good, but I could have easily not have gotten it. It's been a shit day and I've been feeling really dysphoric and awful lately. My mom keeps female gendered words (not her fault, I'm not out to her). But I just feel miserable. I'll probably be fine tomorrow with restriction. But it's like logically, I shouldn't have eaten anything. Otherwise I'll stay fat and feminine looking. But yet, here I am.

---

[Tip] This sounds super stupid, but...
/u/syntheticseasalt
Created: Sun Jan 15 17:31:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o7klk/this_sounds_super_stupid_but/
---
(Mobile, no flair, sorry)
So i tried this extremely childish/"diet trend" sounding thing at dinner tonight. We were getting Thai and i can NEVER control myself around that stuff. I either stay home or go out and eat the whole restaurant. So, in an attempt to remain conscious of how full i was, i tied a ribbon snuggly around my waist. Drank a few cups of water and it progressively became tighter. As i ate, the ribbon felt less comfortable. I managed to eat a moderate amount, remaining in control! Yay! I felt super gross when i got in the car and the ribbon felt so tight, but i took it off and i didn't feel horrible anymore, showing that i ate less than i would have if i hadn't had the ribbon on.

I figure this will be super helpful for when i feel like binging.

Hope this tip saves someone someday!

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[Goal] Fucked up my goal.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 15 16:27:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o7812/fucked_up_my_goal/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] I failed
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 15 16:26:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o77u0/i_failed/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT/RAVE] What gets me through fasting at work. :)
/u/ITDIDNTHAPPENISWEA-
Created: Sun Jan 15 15:09:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o6rpw/rantrave_what_gets_me_through_fasting_at_work/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/48f735da0c65477b864ec197a2d82225?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=3cefefa16df739dbef7fc303bde8dbf8

---

I find it really useful to track my weight. I think it's because of my obsession with numbers. On mobile can't flair
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 15 14:45:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o6mrr/i_find_it_really_useful_to_track_my_weight_i/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/4a89eefc520645aa8f4d9e1ddd70e366?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=dcf766e79d2f59772c39eaa4b0d75921

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[Rant/Rave] No, but fuck Skam
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Sun Jan 15 14:28:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o6j7w/no_but_fuck_skam/
---
It's an amazing show - but because of fucking Vilde, EVERYONE is noticing me not eating lunch. EVERYONE is worried now. EVERYONE is commenting on it now. I feel like a walking college project.

Some mean well and have been hinting for a while, but what the fuck do you expect me to do, if you call me out in front of all your friends for not eating? Fucking whip out a piece of chocolate cake and get nice and curvy for your pleasure? Do you even try to understand eating disorders, before attempting to educate me on them? Now all my classmates are fucking worried as well. I already think about food enough, I don't need you guys constantly pinching my ribs and not believing me when I say I ate at home. It's not your fucking business. I'm here to have fucking classes, you are here to educate me about bloody mydrochondrias, not stage a fucking intervention.

'Stop losing weight' Bitch, my weight has been somewhat stable for three months now, I'm sorry you're insecure about yours.

Seriously. When will the fucking anorexia hype leave, I'm suffering.

On mobile/give me the rant flair

---

[Discussion] Do you ever make eating contingent upon something that is unlikely to happen?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 15 13:30:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o66ui/do_you_ever_make_eating_contingent_upon_something/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] It's my birthday but instead of having fun I'm freaking out about half a piece of cake
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW:190lb | CW:150.1lb | GW:90lb | 27.5/28.4 | -39.9lb]
Created: Sun Jan 15 13:03:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o60vd/its_my_birthday_but_instead_of_having_fun_im/
---
I don't really know why I'm making this post but I hate this. I feel like I'm going to puke and I feel fat and I want to just purge purge purge.

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[Discussion] Currently a little obsessed with sugar free jellos and puddings. [Discussion]
/u/llamadude00
Created: Sun Jan 15 12:53:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o5yns/currently_a_little_obsessed_with_sugar_free/
---
Anyone else? I love that I can have something so filling for like 10 calories. What's yalls favorite flavors?

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[Rant/Rave] Scared I'm 'recovering' without wanting to.
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Sun Jan 15 12:34:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o5ugk/scared_im_recovering_without_wanting_to/
---
I don't want to recover. At all. For the past five days I've been eating a healthy amount (1100 to 1500 calories) and I've been ok with that, and I'm scared it means I'm recovering without realising it. I need my disorder. From the start I've doubted I ever even had a disorder and this is just making it worse. What if the entire time it's just been me blowing a desire to lose a bit of weight way out of proportion? If I'm fine with eating so much then surely I can't have a disorder..? This is really stressing me out :(

I'm not looking for anyone to diagnose me btw. I'm also not meaning to invalidate anyone here who purposefully eats over 1000 calories. I'm just venting my anxiety.

---

[Rant/Rave] Saw someone who looked like my ex on a thinspo site.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 15 12:28:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o5t8x/saw_someone_who_looked_like_my_ex_on_a_thinspo/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Constipation sucks!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 15 12:15:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o5qjz/constipation_sucks/
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Just another one of these :P

I've always had issues 'going', I try eating more fiber or whatever you're suppose to do and it just makes it worse. I got into the habit of taking magnesium because I was suggested it for the health benefits and holy shit, Literally! I went everyday or every other day, Sweet relief that was. Then we ran out and I can't get anymore right now(Or laxatives)

So now I'm on nearly a week without pooping, I tried the 'salt water flush' last night, Guess what? It didn't work and just made me more bloated and uncomfortable. I'm really annoyed now and I've been eating more lately so I have quite the back up. :'(

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Hello I'm new
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 15 12:07:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o5owu/hello_im_new/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Any other guys here?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 15 11:08:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o5c8o/any_other_guys_here/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] 166.6// Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun Jan 15 10:58:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o5a38/1666_daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/6080778ec7a84eaf8e5fced8ff0d0f61?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=f665e747286327b21e702c38c56f22dc

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[Discussion] Body fat percentage?
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 144.8 | 20.6 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Sun Jan 15 10:39:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o563s/body_fat_percentage/
---
Happy Sunday proED! You may recognize me as the annoying one who has to add a little swimming-related rant into all of her food diaries 🙃 A lot of my ED manifests in controlling/tracking behaviors as I'm sure many of you know, and I just discovered a new one: **body fat percentage**. I'm an athlete, I hate my body, why didn't I think of this before? Anyways, I was wondering if anyone else tracks their body fat and if so, what methods they use. I tried a bunch of tests online where you measure various body parts and they gave me a range of 18% (not bad) to 26% ("acceptable" aka UNACCEPTABLE). I've heard the impedance method that you can find at gyms and stuff is super unreliable, and estimating based off of pictures puts me at 30%+ because yay body dysmorphia. I want something that is easy to track (can't go get a DEXA scan every week) and seems reasonably accurate. Suggestions?

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[Discussion] Does anyone use bento boxes?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'5 | CW: 149 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 15 09:13:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o4of4/does_anyone_use_bento_boxes/
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I've considered using bento boxes since I skip lunch at school, but I was worried about what I would put in.
What sort of foods do you have in your bento boxes? Where do you get your inspiration from?

(Can't flair, on mobile)

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[Rant/Rave] First bad day of the year [rant]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 15 09:06:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o4n46/first_bad_day_of_the_year_rant/
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[deleted]

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Doctor told my mum to throw out scale??,
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Sun Jan 15 08:57:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o4lhd/doctor_told_my_mum_to_throw_out_scale/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Can't ever take a compliment
/u/nicfrae [5'7 | GW115 | -60lbs | F24]
Created: Sun Jan 15 06:17:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o3vry/cant_ever_take_a_compliment/
---
I said this in my introduction but I feel like people only refer to me as thin, or at a perfect weight because they knew me at my highest weight and compared to THAT I probably look pretty different. I'm still a normal BMI. I'm lucky somehow that I don't actually look like I weigh as much as I do, something to do with proportions, so I guess people would assume I weigh less, but numbers are logical and thus they are gospel and I will NOT rest until I see 115 on my scale.
I guess my point is that I can't take it as a genuine compliment, because (even though they don't say this) it feels like they're saying "you look good... you know, compared to how you USED to be".

My mum did the same thing trying to compliment me. I would sometimes moan about my weight around her and she'd always try to get me to look at the bigger picture - that I used to be 205lbs. She reminds me I used to wear double the size clothes I do now. I know its to get me to feel proud about my progress, but I can't help but take everything as a negative or a backhanded compliment and it just makes me feel shit being reminded that I used to be a whale and that I probably only look good now COMPARED to that.
Also don't appreciate being told I should stop weight loss now cause I'm in a good place and "men like curves".
Don't get me started on that...

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[Tip] For UK folks on a budget
/u/skeldog
Created: Sun Jan 15 05:39:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o3qix/for_uk_folks_on_a_budget/
---
I've lurked here for about a year now and never posted, mostly because I don't feel I have anything to contribute, I just love this sub so much because it feels like I'm reading my own thoughts a lot of the time. Sorry I'm on mobile so can't flair, I think this counts as a tip.

ANYWAY, I got so excited about this yesterday and felt like I couldn't tell any one in real life without them getting worried about my size, but I know it may be useful to anyone here from England.

Primark has started doing size 4 clothes!!

A lot of our clothes shops here only go down to a size 8 (us size 4), maaaybe a 6 (2 in US). But only the more expensive shops go smaller, and I'm a skint 23 year old. But finally I can buy cheap clothes that fit, it's awesome. Sorry about the ramble, I'm just happy.

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jan 15 05:08:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o3mm8/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
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Happy Sunday January 15, 2017~

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 15, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jan 15 05:08:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o3mlh/daily_food_diary_january_15_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 15, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Coworkers still saying I could never get fat
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 15 03:29:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o3bh6/coworkers_still_saying_i_could_never_get_fat/
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Tonight they told me I couldn't get fat even if I tried. lol it's so funny to me. I'm like if you only knew my life. Any who it's giving me motivation to get as small as possible. I want them to stay envious and view me as this little girl that just can't gain weight 😇.

I'm going to start tracking every everything. I have a Fitbit if anyone wants to be friends (I don't get many steps 😕 but I'd still be your friend!

Mobile no flAir (rant I guess?)


Edit: one of the girls that keeps saying I'm skinny said she used to be a cage dancer. I don't think she is huge or anything, but I wouldn't be comfy cage dancing with her body. I wish I had her confidence. lol I guess envy goes both ways

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[Rant/Rave] Can I rant/ask for relationship advice pls(tw)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 15 01:05:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o2v98/can_i_rantask_for_relationship_advice_plstw/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Should I accept that I'm not, and will never be anorexic? [rant]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 14 22:11:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o27qw/should_i_accept_that_im_not_and_will_never_be/
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[deleted]

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] I feel like most of us can relate to this cute kid
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 14 22:06:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o26y0/i_feel_like_most_of_us_can_relate_to_this_cute_kid/
---
https://www.instagram.com/p/BHy9hE_AoSG/

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[Rant/Rave] I'm having a pity party
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 14 19:58:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o1mlh/im_having_a_pity_party/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [support] Black dress blues.
/u/_Less_Is_More_
Created: Sat Jan 14 19:17:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o1fp4/support_black_dress_blues/
---
I'm on mobile, so I tried to flair... If "support" is even a flair. It's not really a rant or a rave, it's just something I'm looking forward too, but am nervous about.

I ordered a long, gorgeous black dress yesterday. It's something I've had my eye on for a while. There's a formal event happening in a couple months, and this thing is drop dead gorgeous! The problem is, I'm not. I am quite the pear shaped lady with the majority of my weight sitting on my hips, bum, and thighs. And in this dress, there's no where to hide my imperfections.

I have no idea why I bought this thing. It's my dream dress, but for a dream body. I have two more months to prepare for this and I'm having a minor freak out. I know that two months is a long time and I can realistically drop 10 pounds, but my lower half is always the last to show any results.

So I'm sitting here drinking my laxative tea and painting my nails so I'm not temped to snack (I hate ruining my polish). I'm planning out my salads for the next few days and writing out a gym schedule. It's freezing outside, so maybe a soup instead.

Atleast now I have something physically tangible for a goal and a set time line. The ultimate prize would be having to get it tailored in, but I'll be happy with my gigantic bottom fitting into the darn thing. I guess I have to wait until it gets here to see how far at the minimum I have to go.

I'm going to treat this as a baby step goal. It's something I know I can do and fit into if I work hard and restrict harder. It'll be nice to see it accomplished. My ultimate goal is to wear an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini ('that she wore for the first time today') by August. But, baby steps.

Thank you to this sub and the amazing and non judgemental support that you all give.

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[Discussion] Popcorn is amazing.
/u/sallysaysyes
Created: Sat Jan 14 19:08:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o1e7t/popcorn_is_amazing/
---
I crave salt very often, which leads to snacking on things like potato and tortilla chips. I just bought a big thing of loose popcorn. I love to dress it with garlic powder, chili powder, soy sauce, nutritional yeast, and maybe a little hot sauce. So delicious! It fills me up pretty quickly for far fewer calories. Just thought I'd share my appreciation with you guys. What low-cal foods do you like to snack on?

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[Rant/Rave] i've had the worst fucking week
/u/wearebulletproof [5'4 | fat | 20F🎀✨]
Created: Sat Jan 14 19:08:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o1e7l/ive_had_the_worst_fucking_week/
---
Long story short, work and school have fucking sucked. Yesterday and today, I've especially had just lots of bad luck. Main thing I'm annoyed with is I've literally been eating all day. It started at work and just kept going when I got home. I haven't had a binge this bad since 2015 and I feel like such a fat piece of shit.

I don't even know how to make up for this. I feel like if I try to fast tomorrow, I'll end up binging at the end of the day or on Monday, at work. But I feel like if I even take a bite out of an apple, I'll have somehow failed either way.

I don't know how to fix this shit. I hate this.

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[Intro] So, I have never created my own post here.
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Sat Jan 14 18:55:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o1bwx/so_i_have_never_created_my_own_post_here/
---
And I'm on mobile, so I can't flair. I have had disordered thoughts about/habits regarding food for as long as I can remember. I always wanted to be as small as possible, so I wouldn't stand out, somaybe people would talk to me or like me more (I have never been overweight by more than 10lbs). Anyway to the point. I put on 30 pounds in the past year because of all of these different psych meds I'm on, and they have royally fucked my body. I haven't seen this guy I dated in about a year -- until tonight -- and my first thought before even seeing him is, "He would like me if I was 60-80lbs lighter (which would make me very underweight... I say this because he does not like very thin girls)". THIS IS SO IRRATIONAL. I feel like this is giving fuel to my ED thoughts...and it feels like I don't have a -real- enough reason to feel like I need to fast indefinitely. I read all of the posts from here, and I feel like I am just asking to be bashed by saying that I want to be so small and tiny that I seem breakable to this guy who does not a. even want me anymore and b. like thin girls. This doesn't seem like a good enough reason for a relapse. I feel so fucking weak willed and pathetic.

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Does anyone successfully exercise on low calorie regularly?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 147 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Sat Jan 14 18:54:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o1boe/does_anyone_successfully_exercise_on_low_calorie/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I just want to vent I guess
/u/nodamncatnodamncradl [5'10 | 140LB | 19.58 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 14 18:31:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o17t6/i_just_want_to_vent_i_guess/
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I browse this reddit constantly to feel less alone. I have no friends except my boyfriend... and we never have sex anymore- for years we had sex 5+ times a week. We are great friends and have similar issues with eating so that is very comfortable. But something just feels off with our relationship. I use alcohol way too often. I have a compulsion to be honest with people but my crippling perfection keeps me too embarassed to interact during social experiences: so I avoid them.

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[Rant/Rave] Stuck in an anxiety paradox (rant)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 14 17:40:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o0yce/stuck_in_an_anxiety_paradox_rant/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My GW scares the people I care about (and other sad rambling)
/u/antimeridian [5'5" | BMI 17.9 | maintaining 🌻]
Created: Sat Jan 14 17:24:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o0v7u/my_gw_scares_the_people_i_care_about_and_other/
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I'm getting closer and closer to a weight I'm comfortable with...which means I've been getting more and more comments about how I'm "already so thin" and "shouldn't lose any more weight." Everyone thinks I'd look better if I stopped losing. Everyone's "worried" about me. But I still feel so fat. And the worst part is that I'm trying to be reasonable this time. This time, I don't plan to lose until I'm happy; I plan to lose until I'm not suicidally depressed. I'm already compromising.

And I'm just struggling with my reasons for all of this in general. Why do I want to be thin? Because, when I'm thin, I feel pretty, and it makes me happy. But...why does being pretty make me happy? Because being pretty means I'm respected and admired by others? But other people don't think I'm pretty like this.

I feel like my choices are "feel pretty and self-confident, but look gross and scary to everyone else" OR "feel ugly and depressed, but look pretty and healthy to everyone else."

Things have just been hard lately.

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[Rant/Rave] I have so much to share with y'all!
/u/ITDIDNTHAPPENISWEA-
Created: Sat Jan 14 17:20:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o0uis/i_have_so_much_to_share_with_yall/
---
Can't flair, on mobile. When tf are they gonna include flair in the Reddit app? Lmao!

I've just had such a good day. I love having my new job because now I have my own money to spend on groceries. I've stocked up on Greek yogurt, baby carrots, baby tomatoes, cucumber and bell peppers - as well as almond milk for overnight oats.

My new antidepressant meds (Zoloft) have really decreased my appetite, but I just bought bronkaid today and I actually had to force myself to eat my three egg whites.

And another thing that made me super happy! I work at a restaurant and the cooks are all Hispanic and really nice to me, I've been trying to learn more Spanish in my free time so I can communicate better with them. Carlos, our pizza guy, is particularly talkative to me, and when he tries to get my attention he says this specific word I hadn't heard before. Today I asked him what it meant, and he said, "You know Barbie? Like doll? I call you Barbie. Pretty!"

And it was super motivational! Now I just want to have the body of a Barbie and well... be more Barbie like. Gah.

I hope all of you had such a good day too. And if not, tomorrow will be kinder. This community means so much to me. You all rock.

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[Rant/Rave] A black eyed dog he knew my name
/u/light_hollow_space [5'4 | CW: 137 | BMI 24 | -57 | F | GW: 115 | LW: 99 | SW: 195]
Created: Sat Jan 14 17:02:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o0r19/a_black_eyed_dog_he_knew_my_name/
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I am so depressed. I truly never want to eat again. I hate my body for wanting food. I am in such a bad place today. I feel enormous and worthless.

I am not eating all weekend. I don't think I can pull it off as I'm not alone, but I'm going to try.

Listening to this also helps a little...
"[Black Eyed Dog]("Black Eyed Dog" from one of Nick Drake's final recording sessions in February 1974. The title was inspired by Winston Churchill's description, taken from Samuel Johnson, of depression as a black dog.[70]
"Black Eyed Dog" from one of Drake's final recording sessions in February 1974. The title was inspired by Winston Churchill's description, taken from Samuel Johnson, of depression as a black dog.[70]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJSC25Ue8Gg)" from one of Drake's final recording sessions in February 1974. The title was inspired by Winston Churchill's description, taken from Samuel Johnson, of depression as a black dog.

"Black Eyed Dog"

Black eyed dog he called at my door
The black eyed dog he called for more

A black eyed dog he knew my name
A black eyed dog he knew my name
A black eyed dog
A black eyed dog

I'm growing old and I wanna go home,
I'm growing old and I don't wanna know
I'm growing old and I wanna go home

Black eyed dog he called at my door
The black eyed dog he called for more

---

[Discussion] Please tell me I'm not the only one who gets like this while intoxicated....
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 14 16:52:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o0p4j/please_tell_me_im_not_the_only_one_who_gets_like/
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[deleted]

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Holding hands with bae #matchingoutfits #0caloriesOMG
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Sat Jan 14 15:09:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5o0500/holding_hands_with_bae_matchingoutfits/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/f86ef8f9193d428c8b88b5b77dbc23fc?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=3ace454f619a304327db79092b3ff742

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[Discussion] DAE get triggered by super weird things? (TW I guess!)
/u/l0seme [5'8" | CW 130 | BMI 19.55(new) 19.77(old) | -15 | GW 115 | 21F]
Created: Sat Jan 14 14:12:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nztl3/dae_get_triggered_by_super_weird_things_tw_i_guess/
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Like, okay, my latest spiral was triggered by my boyfriend's ex having a baby. Like... What? I don't understand how this makes any logical sense.

It's like... Okay they split up about 2 years ago. I got together with him 3-4 months later (although there was a period of time where my SO was like "I don't know who to choose" between me and his ex, so maybe that's where all this stems from), and she met her new boyfriend in September of that year. She's just had a baby. She didn't want babies and now she's made a baby with her new boyfriend who she can only have been with for about 6 months at the time. She's got a super cute little girl.

After she and my SO broke up, she went on a super intense health kick and was running every day and lost a lot of weight (but like, she's still overweight) but we had this weird "competition" over instagram to do with posting weightless-related photos. Like, we both knew the other was insta-stalking us so we'd try and outdo them. She gave it up after a year or so, and so I cooled off too. But now I know she stopped because she was pregnant. And she's so happy and glowing and it makes me furious. Maybe I'm just a bad person. Maybe I'm jealous because she's happy and I've never felt that?

But anyway now I need to lose a ton of weight, triggered by that. Maybe I'm hoping she still checks my instagram and she'll see I'm super skinny. And then what... Make her unhappy?? No! I'm not a bad person, I swear. I'm super happy for her and her little family. Maybe I'm just crazy.

Anyway, has anyone else ever been triggered by things that don't really make sense? I'd like to know I'm not alone here!

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[Rant/Rave] Woah I just had a breakdown
/u/TummyRumblz [5'8" | CW:152| LW: 146 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 14 14:12:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nztjq/woah_i_just_had_a_breakdown/
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I've been really stressed lately with graduation and applying to grad school. I finally broke down and cried under my bed for an hour an a half. I should probably take a break but I feel like I have to stay busy, so I think I might graduate in December instead of May to prepare for the audition more and do some opera for experience and have my break from Jan-August of next year.

This has nothing to do with ED but I needed to get that out of my head. I kinda wanna comfort binge, kinda wanna starve. Not sure.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm kind of starting to accept my body?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 14 14:03:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nzrmj/im_kind_of_starting_to_accept_my_body/
---
Things I've learned, Losing weight will only go so far. Things like bone structure and fat distribution will effect things, Quite a lot.

I use to (and still) think my body looked completely out of proportion. When I was overweight I thought that things would redistribute and look better. Nope, Still got relatively small boobs and waist and giant hips/thighs(my current measurements are 30-24.5-37 for reference). My hips aren't all fat either, My bone structure is very large for someone as short as me which makes things even rougher.

But lately, I don't know I've kind of liked my body. My waist to hip is actually kind of appealing(especially in the right clothes), My ribs are starting to stick out a bit now. My stomach looks less like a B and I can kind of handle it now...Last time I got somewhat more confident in my body shape I got told by a friend that "There is no place for that here, You should always be trying to be better" which made me feel even worse that I looked bad. But I'm starting to realize I can't change a lot of it and that's okay...

I think not weighing has kind of helped this too, I'm no longer comparing my physical body shape to a number that I think is too high(If that makes sense). I think I've lost a pound or two and I can actually see it, Would be terrible if I've actually gained though haha.

This unusualhappiness will probably be gone tomorrow, But for now it's okay! :D

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[Discussion] [Discussion] TW- Is sex a binge trigger for anyone else?
/u/Princess_FudderDudd
Created: Sat Jan 14 13:45:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nznr4/discussion_tw_is_sex_a_binge_trigger_for_anyone/
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It doesn't always happen, but most of the time after having sex I will binge, or have the urge and immediately take my add meds to stop my appetite. Forgive me for being crass, I don't really know how else to describe it- but for me its just the feeling of having been *fucked*- violated isn't the right word, penetrated isn't the right word either... I don't know. I almost feel like I have to regain ownership of my body. Not in a way that I'm sure victims of sexual assault may feel like, it's different. That, and the feeling in my core after holding my legs up, just puts me in a binge mood. Anyone else have thoughts on it?

Also I would like to say that I've been lurking on this sub for months, and just created an account so I wanted to say hi and that you're all wonderful people!

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[Rant/Rave] I don't know how many calories are in SO MANY THINGS
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 14 12:31:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nz8tm/i_dont_know_how_many_calories_are_in_so_many/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Almost binged. Broke through the binge mindset! So happy I could cry. [Rave]
/u/llamadude00
Created: Sat Jan 14 12:08:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nz3zy/almost_binged_broke_through_the_binge_mindset_so/
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So today I'm maxing out at 130 calories, and I ALMOST said "fuck it" and binged. Guess what I ate instead of a pile of chips? A 10 calorie lime jello. And now I'm full, and so happy about breaking thru the binge mindset. Yay!

(These 10 cal jellos have saved my butt more times than I can count too, definitely recommend.)

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Roast Me for my Binge (Humour helps ^.^)
/u/patrokhilles
Created: Sat Jan 14 11:41:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nyydx/roast_me_for_my_binge_humour_helps/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/13cce18a5f214e91aed3659e3a88f981?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=30409c8c24c522343a0dfec7569f8a93

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[Rant/Rave] Got a new scale and it's awesome!!
/u/TessTobias [5'6" | 127.7 | 20.6 | -22]
Created: Sat Jan 14 11:09:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nys3k/got_a_new_scale_and_its_awesome/
---
The past two days my old scale (some digital, pink glass thing from Target) would give me the same number without changing. I was disheartened because I thought I looked thinner and the scale was showing a plateau but then I picked up a heavy basket and stood on it and the number was the same.

Queue me freaking right the fuck out. So last night I went to Bed, Bath, & Beyond and spent 30 bucks on this fancy Weight Watchers scale that tells you your bmi, body fat, bone mass, and water and it is my true love! It turns out, I have lost like 7 pounds this week and I feel like had I not known that I could so easily have lost motivation and binged.

Sooo, that's my happy story of the week! What's something good that has happened to you?

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[Goal] I'm only 12 pounds away from being underweight.
/u/salamanderqueen [5'9.5"| CW: 135.6 | SW: 180 | GW: 125 | -44 | 19f]
Created: Sat Jan 14 09:57:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nydvo/im_only_12_pounds_away_from_being_underweight/
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And 6 months ago I was at an overweight BMI. I never thought I would be able to get to this point. It's so fucked up, but out of everything in my life that I've achieved, this is what I'm most proud of.

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[Other] So uh, want to see what's in my binge box? (TW)
/u/nobutlisten [5'5 | CW: 101.0 | GW: lol | BMI: 16.8 | F 25 👽]
Created: Sat Jan 14 06:31:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nxfqo/so_uh_want_to_see_whats_in_my_binge_box_tw/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/46276748274c431e86f64fd65851d516?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=ec754efad0f789d0ebb68fdcde69de90

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! January 14, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jan 14 05:07:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nx56r/stupid_questions_saturday_january_14_2017/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for January 14, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 14, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jan 14 05:07:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nx568/daily_food_diary_january_14_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 14, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] the past week has been shit for me.
/u/singtalk89
Created: Sat Jan 14 04:53:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nx3jy/the_past_week_has_been_shit_for_me/
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for the past few months i've been restricting a lot and not allowing myself to eat over a certain amount of calories and i was pretty good at maintaining that. however, this week has been hell for me. it started because i went out one night and got shit faced drunk. i had been restricting heavily the week prior so i could treat myself to the drinks that night. ever since i just have intense craving to eat more food. no matter what it is. doesn't matter if i feel full or not. my body just wants to keep eating. everyday i tell myself "its ok i went over my allowance for today but i can start again tomorrow." well i've been telling myself that every day this week and nothing has changed. just now i busted big time and ate past my cut off time for the day. i usually don't let myself eat past 7pm. but i busted and ate a mango and some chocolate on top of ALREADY going over my allowance today. i just feel like an idiot and i don't know how i'm going to get my cravings under control again.

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[Other] Other subs like this one?
/u/pussystrongerthangod [168cm | 119lb | 19.2 | vegan cow | F]
Created: Sat Jan 14 04:48:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nx306/other_subs_like_this_one/
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I was wondering, are there any other *relatively* active subs you follow similar to this one?

I recognise that some might not offer the same level of support as this one but I feel fortunate to have stumbled across this community and would like to explore others of a similar nature.

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[Rant/Rave] never felt this shitty...
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 14 03:24:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nwu1a/never_felt_this_shitty/
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usually when people comment if i am skinny i LOVE IT, i thrive on it and i use it as further motivation. today was different.

i took out a group of my clients for work to a restaurant. i had been there before so i recommended some great dishes that are very popular. one woman commented "I'm not trying one thing you recommend because obviously you have never actually eaten anything."

for the rest of the meal she continued to make snide comments about me and make everyone get in on them. i felt bullied. i felt like i was in jr. high again getting bullied for my small size.

i went to the bathroom and i heard her mention something along the lines that i just fed my meal to the sewer.

i have never seen such hateful comments from anyone before. i have never dealt with this since i was 12. i couldn't say anything because she is a client.

thanks for reading. i just needed to vent. no one else would get it i feel like. i've never been this upset over something like this.


EDIT: THANK YOU ALL. You have all been so incredibly supportive and encouraging! I am so happy to have the support here that we offer eachother and I am so inspired by the amount of love we have in this subreddit. Thank you for reaching out and thank you for caring. I am so incredibly touched and overwhelmed! :)

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[Rant/Rave] Ruined my hair!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 14 02:40:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nwpi8/ruined_my_hair/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Japan, I love you (+ anyone have shirataki recipes?)
/u/nicfrae [5'7 | GW115 | -60lbs | F24]
Created: Sat Jan 14 02:36:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nwp4s/japan_i_love_you_anyone_have_shirataki_recipes/
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Zero calorie juice, zero calorie flavoured teas, zero calorie candy, zero calorie jello, shirataki noodles, super cheap veggies, plus almost every variant of diet pill available to buy over the counter (although I haven't tried any yet)

Things are getting so much easier. I've had pretty much zero calories today, save for small splashes of almond milk in my tea, and I'm completely satisfied. I just suck on a zero calorie sweet when I feel like I might want to eat and then the hunger is gone.

Also most of the calorie free things use maltitol as a sweetener, so as a bonus they're also SUPER effective as laxatives.

As a side question, does anyone have any good shirataki recipes? I feel like I've done every possible combination with them, and I'm starting to get bored.

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[Discussion] are you suicidal?
/u/sunflowerfairy [4'11" | no goal weight; nothing will ever be good enough.]
Created: Sat Jan 14 01:21:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nwhag/are_you_suicidal/
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i feel like life has finally knocked my hat off and i'm not sure i want to put it back on my head. i think about, dream about suicide for a large portion of my day and i don't know what that says about me.



what about you guys?

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[Other] my mom said im bulimic but
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 14 00:41:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nwcfc/my_mom_said_im_bulimic_but/
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[removed]

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[Other] A thank you to this sub
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Fri Jan 13 23:38:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nw4bl/a_thank_you_to_this_sub/
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I've been lurking/ semi-active on this sub for about 6 months now. but I have been struggling in lonely silence with my ed for years. Even though my behaviors havent really changed or improved, it has been so incredible to feel a sense of solidarity and support that I have never had before.
The most painful part of this disease to me is the isolation, the inability to articulate what it feels like to have your every waking thought consumed my weight and food. To have somewhere where I know that my often irrational fears and actions are met with understanding and not judgement means so much to me.
Sorry for the mushy rant. I had an awful binge last night and I found myself thinking about all the kind and supportive things that are often said on 'I just binged' posts and it really helped. And I'm not jumping for joy or anything but I managed not to down 8 laxatives and cry on the bathroom floor so thats a start right?

Anyway, thank you.

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[Thinspo] 166// Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri Jan 13 23:24:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nw2hj/166_daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/9e2c95b678ee47948e9fa8087daede69?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=49aa6bf21c67d6ed223409a9226d8c1a

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[Thinspo] Pre recovery body thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 13 23:02:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nvzbd/pre_recovery_body_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/513a3f9155844b0085b9edb60047aab1?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=514bdaf05a83a35aa6545b2763918bcf

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[Thinspo] Pre recovery body thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 13 23:01:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nvz5v/pre_recovery_body_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/0a4cb238267b49b684c77b75b2816338?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=573685e36c694df4a851481357d62719

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[Rant/Rave] Holy shit I'm quitting weed
/u/tozne
Created: Fri Jan 13 22:28:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nvui0/holy_shit_im_quitting_weed/
---
After smoking after a month break, I just binged so much that I vomites involuntarily. WTF.

So now I'm quitting weed and sticking to kratom I guess

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[Discussion] Does weight even mean anything?
/u/AnoYuna [5'4.5 | CW: 103 | GW: 95]
Created: Fri Jan 13 22:20:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nvtdq/does_weight_even_mean_anything/
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Sorry, on mobile; can't flair (and terribad grammar/coherence) 😢 but basically a rant

I'm such a whale rn omg, my thighs are disgusting and my thigh gap is still missing from binging over the vacation, but I keep weighing myself over and over on multiple scales and it says I'm ~100 which I've been before, I know for fact how I should look at this weight and I SHOULD NOT be looking the way I do now and just ughhhhhhh I don't understand but it's stressing me out. Sorry. Does anyone know what'd account for the difference in appearance at the same weight?

And a part of me is worried because my original goal weight has always been 95 but if I look like this at a 100 who knows how fat I'll still look at 95, which sucks because even though I want to be skinny and skinnier and skinnier I'd rather not drop too far below 16 bmi...

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[Other] I made a poem about eating disorder
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Fri Jan 13 22:16:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nvsor/i_made_a_poem_about_eating_disorder/
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This post: ttps://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5no3gi/answer_who_am_i/ planted the idea in my head. So, all credit to them and their professor. I don't think I've stolen any of her examples, but it is written in an "I am" form.

I am sugarfree. I am low-fat. I am calories. I am carbohydrates.

I am not hungry. I am just ate. I am no appetite.

I am petite. I am skinny. I am thin and fragile. I am slim, little, tiny, boney.

I am hair falling out in clumps. I am teeth rotting. I am legs collapsing. I am constantly freezing.

I am hipbones. I am thigh gap. I am ribs sticking out. I am collar bones and bones, where people say they shouldn't be.

I am never good enough. I am fat. I am a boney hand on your shoulder, I'm asking 'Do you really wanna eat that?'

I am fingers down your throat. I am hot salt water on a full stomach. I am coconut water and diet powerade.

I am baggy clothes. I am cigarettes and coffee on an empty stomach. I am waterweight and sweeteners.

I am ricecakes and spitting into napkins. I am glassy eyes and amphetamines. I am a forced smile, a 'no, thank you' another mile.

I am pomegranate seeds and wintergirls and sores never healing.

I am diet cokes and same lunch every day and no lunch every day, and I am chewing gum until your jaw hurts.

I am chewing and spitting, I am dizziness, I am a number that's never low enough.

I am self-control fueled by hatred, I am a life slowly falling in on itself, I am another wasted girl.

I am anorexia. I am bulimia. I am my eating disorder.

I'm on mobile/not sure how to flair this.

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[Rant/Rave] Triggered by bad events
/u/eggtitties
Created: Fri Jan 13 22:15:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nvsje/triggered_by_bad_events/
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Life has been difficult for me since December or so and my ED has gotten so much worse because of it. It's like a strange coping mechanism, something to rely on when things are shitty. Today I had a falling out with a close friend who was starting drama and rumors, and for some weird reason it's so triggering? Does anyone know what I mean

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[Discussion] Am I the only one who wants to be hospitalized in the ED ward?
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Fri Jan 13 20:56:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nvfwr/am_i_the_only_one_who_wants_to_be_hospitalized_in/
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Hear me out before throwing stones. I've been inpatient before for cutting and purging before and back then I hated it, especially because this one male patient kept trying to hit on me and I totally did NOT need that.

But these days I'm overwhelmed so easily and whenever a minor inconvenience comes up all I want to do is just be back at the hospital ward again. Sure there were strangers I had to eat with, sure my roommate was high off something, and sure I cried that first night but at least I could get away and run away from whatever was stressing me out--even if the stressor is pretty freaking minor.

Am I a bad person for wanting respite? I don't want to recover but I feel so stuck. I just want my only focus daily to be get up at 6 am, go to breakfast, go to groups, participate. How easily I can do that now. I just needed to vent and want to feel like I'm not alone. I'm so anxious right now.

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[Help] harm reduction: macro advice
/u/ANharmreduction
Created: Fri Jan 13 19:53:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nv5eh/harm_reduction_macro_advice/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I don't know how to stop eating.
/u/modtherich [5'3" | 🐳 | -22 | 23F]
Created: Fri Jan 13 19:08:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nuxik/i_dont_know_how_to_stop_eating/
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I have binge eating disorder, I've always had it, and I've always been fat. I've literally never been in a healthy weight range. Food was what I always turned to when people would bully me for being fat in school, and it was there when I was molested. I didn't want anyone to hurt me - who would bother if I was disgusting, right? The fridge would be locked at night, I would just use a screwdriver to get in and then put everything back in its place like nothing happened.

Therapy doesn't work, overaters anonymous doesn't work, the binge eating subreddit doesn't work - they all just make me binge even more. I literally can't stop myself from eating. If I try to eat healthier? Eat even more shitty food. If I try to restrict? Nope, fuck you, eat even more.

I know I shouldn't think of it like this because all eating disorders are hell, but... why did I have to get the one that makes me fat? Why did I eat instead of restrict?

I know everyone says that you'll regret throwing up, but, it's honestly looking like the only escape. I can't stop myself from eating in the first place. Why isn't there some kind of inpatient for people who just can't stop eating? I honestly feel like unless I'm forced to stop eating , I just... won't stop.

Even now the only thing on my mind is to eat, eat, eat.

I hate myself. I don't know if anyone will be able to help, but... I'm just, so frustrated. I just want to stop this awful cycle. I mean, I doubt anyone will be able to or even want to help, but I honestly don't know what to do anymore lol. Meal plans don't even work. I'm so desperate.

I guess it's mostly just a rant at this point since... how would you even help something like this? lol..

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[Discussion] Trying to Conceive in 2017
/u/GamineGoddess [5'4" | 85lbs | 14.88 | {Maintaing} | F]
Created: Fri Jan 13 18:41:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nusvu/trying_to_conceive_in_2017/
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My flair has said maintaining for the longest time but that's all about to change.

My husband and I want to start trying for kids! This year. Which means I'm going to gain weight.

I'm not trying to be pregorexic up in here. This is something I want to do, and I want to give any kids we may have the best chance at a healthy life.

I know a Dr is the only person who can give me real answers, but seeing as I'm uninsured (working on it) I'm looking for some guidelines.

At this weight, which I've been maintaining for the past decade with only a few ups and down, I've never missed a period. Does this mean my reproductive health is ok? I'm about to start trying to get up over 100lbs, which is still such a crazy thing to think about. And that's only a start.

Does anyone here have experience with TTC while underweight? Am I going to be laughed out of a Drs office when I tell them I want to have a baby while being as small as I am? Ok, fine, I'm more than small, but I carry it well. I don't look really unhealthy unless I dip under 80lbs. My sister has a very similar frame (under 100lbs) and once my mom got her health problems under control, she dropped back down to near our size.

Thanks for any help and support you wonderful people have to offer. 2017 hopefully has some big, exciting things on the horizon for me!

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[Other] your typical 'i'm back' post with an added pledge
/u/crapbeg
Created: Fri Jan 13 18:22:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nupi8/your_typical_im_back_post_with_an_added_pledge/
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so i'm back, and as i predicted pre college, i have gained a fucking ton of weight (11 lbs to be exact). i'm disgusted with myself and I know as a fact that I need to stop this. so i'm promising myself to stop any binges for a month at the very very least, start running again and getting my life back together because i physically cannot cope with being this size.

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[Rant/Rave] Rant: on competing with a Russian ballerina...
/u/tbuicoe
Created: Fri Jan 13 16:30:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nu4qm/rant_on_competing_with_a_russian_ballerina/
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I'm so weak.

Not weak physically. God, I wish I were physically weak. I wish I was strong enough to be physically weak, if that makes sense.


This time last year I was content on 200-500 calories a day, and exercising, and getting good grades, and feeling better about myself than ever before. Now I'm fat, unfit, binge every other day, feeling like shit, school work slipping... And I don't know how to break the cycle. I'm so lost.

And the girls who triggered this change, my so-called friends, well, one is the thinnest girl I've ever seen and one went from three times my size to skinnier than me. I'm known as my sisters' (tall, slender) ugly older sister. When my brother introduces me to his friends you see their faces fall. They expected something better, someone they could tease and flirt with, the trope of friend's hot sister, and I come along. And I can't even use these things to motivate myself because I'm so *weak*.

I looked at myself in a full-length mirror today. How did I convince myself it "wasn't that bad"?? I'm huge and full of cellulose and flabby and ugly. If you look at my face from the side I have jowls, swear to god jowls. My jawline is nonexistent. I don't look like a person in photos if I smile, just a mass of acne and fat.

And to make things so. Much. Worse. I'm crushing hard on a guy who has eyes only for (wait for it...) a Russian ballerina. She's thin and waifish and beautiful and such a nice girl I can't even hate her but god, I want to.

She's so perfect, she forgets to eat. She eats like a fairy might, a single bite and then nothing for the rest of the day, and survives on red wine and cigarettes and strawberries. I didn't realise people like this existed until I met her. It extends to her clothes, to her makeup, to the way she moves and the way she speaks. Her collarbones could cut glass, and her cheekbones are utterly hollow. And she's only nine months older than me. I feel like a failure.

So the guy in question loves her. Obviously. I don't blame him at all - she's thinspo incarnate. The kind of girl who makes you question your heterosexuality. And I'm the awkward fat kid he treats like a younger brother. When you look like me, you don't even get to be seen as the little sister.

I just turned 18. Everyone says girls are best looking at 17, 18, 19. You see it in the movies, hear it from crowds of guys, hear it in the songs. They picture the ballerina when they talk about teenagers. Slender, beautiful teenagers. No one in their right mind would see me as beautiful now. I'm not lanky or lithe or lean. I'm wasting my youth being fat.

I need to be thin for the summer. I need to be thin for prom. I need to be thin for university in October. I need to be 45kg, at most, at the very most, because that would make me the same bmi as the ballerina, but I've never been lighter than 60. I need to stop eating but I'm just hungry and weak.

Friday the 13th got me bad, guys.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm tired of just existing.
/u/siamesealmeidaa [height:5'6" | CW:120lbs | BMI:19.4 | weight lost:18lb | gender:F]
Created: Fri Jan 13 16:01:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ntyxz/im_tired_of_just_existing/
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I'm tired of having no purpose. I'm tired of being a walking stereotype. I'm tired of being average. I am so tired of living. I am only living for other people. I experience no joy. I have no hobbies, and am too tired to keep up with any regardless. I'm tired from being tired. All that matters to me right now is being thin.

There is no point to this. I am just so incredibly sad, and so, so lonely. I can't be this person anymore.

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[Rant/Rave] Immediate jealously over a stranger!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 13 15:29:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nts2m/immediate_jealously_over_a_stranger/
---
I was looking over my FB feed and I saw a picture posted by this girl I used to work at JCP with when I was 16 (that was 8 years ago). The picture she posted was of her and another girl. I remember seeing the other girl in passing, but I didn't really make note of her. Her friend was a little on the chunky side, but nothing was really wrong with her. In the picture JCP girl posted she's with that same friend and that girl is tiny now. I'm so jealous!!!! I don't even know her, but I want people to see new photos of me and think "wow she's so small now". UHHHHHH I'm raging over here lol. I've been doing mostly well with calories and no b/p sessions.

I saw a post yesterday about wanting to maintain on as little as possible (I can't remember the OPs screen name). Which I will be doing, especailly now that I'm all hot with envy.

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Looking for a kik groupchat
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 13 14:45:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ntink/looking_for_a_kik_groupchat/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Waited all week for my treat and ran into horrible luck.
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Fri Jan 13 14:18:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ntcma/waited_all_week_for_my_treat_and_ran_into/
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So let me start off by saying I am obsessed with ice-cream. I love all sorts of frozen treats and ice-cream is my number one treat, and has been ever since I was around 6.

So today I was downtown just handling some stuff, and I told myself today would be the day I stop by my favorite place where they do some crazy liquid nitrogen icecream. They mix fresh fruits and chocolate, and it's just the best fresh ice-cream ever. So some context: I not only restricted all week (The ingredients I wanted to pick were super calorie-dense and I wanted to actually enjoy it, so I tried to create an 800-ish extra deficit the whole week), I also fantasized about it an undecent amount.

So I get there, order mine and am waiting. There are two people working, and one of them is obviously new. He first mixes up orders and gives me a different one, so I tell him and he fixes it for me. The next one doesn't freeze properly, so there are chunks of fruit (it's supposed to be smooth) in it and it tastes awful, and half of it is just liquid. At this point I was too embarrassed to walk up again, so I just threw it away and walked out.

This is so silly of me but I teared up in the car about it. This stupid fucking ice-cream was such a big deal for me that I planned for it for a week, and I'm almost ashamed I cried about it. It's ice-cream. Jesus christ brain. Anyway, rant over, hope y'all are having a wonderful weekend so far!

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[Rant/Rave] ANXIETY
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|104|18.9|F]
Created: Fri Jan 13 13:13:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nsyl8/anxiety/
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I get so anxious about eating so I drink more coffee and bronkaid and then I get anxious because my heart is beating so friggin fast and my mind is racing about stupid shit that I can't do anything about right at this moment.

Let's worry about food I haven't eaten yet. Let's worry about food I ate yesterday. Let's worry about interpersonal relationships. Let's worry about the weather. Let's worry about how fast my heart is beating. Let's worry about procrastinating work because I'm so busy worrying about THINGS THAT DON'T MATTER AT THIS MOMENT.

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[Rant/Rave] Living Nightmare
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 13 12:33:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nspvj/living_nightmare/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] ED chat thread/app/group?
/u/Chaosncalculation [5'4" | restricting bulimic | -11 (!!!) | F]
Created: Fri Jan 13 11:53:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nsgzg/ed_chat_threadappgroup/
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I know almost no one IRL who has an eating disorder, and I would love to just have a group of people who I could chat with? Not like accountability, just... conversation I guess. This probably sounds kind of lame. But a lot of other subreddits have IRC chat groups or kik chat groups and I think that would be really cool to have here is all. We should start something like that if it's allowed.

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[Intro] Hi everyone :)
/u/l0seme [5'8" | CW 130 | BMI 19.55(new) 19.77(old) | -15 | GW 115 | 21F]
Created: Fri Jan 13 11:45:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nsf8w/hi_everyone/
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Hi everyone! I'm new here so I thought I'd introduce myself.

I've always struggled with my self-esteem, which led to self-harming from the age of 12 and suicide attempts when I was 16. From the ages of 15-19 particularly, I hugely restricted my intake of food when I could (living with my parents made it hard) and I've hit my LW of 118lbs a couple of times before gaining it all back.

Although I've not been diagnosed with any kind of mental health issue, I know I have disordered eating, and I've benefitted from communities like this in the past.

I moved in with my SO about a year ago, and whilst it helped my mental health and self esteem a little, my body ballooned and I gained a lot of weight, hitting my HW of 145 at the start of this year. That completely grossed me out and so I guess I'm back here. I need to be skinny.

My SO and I both use myfitnesspal to track calories (supposedly for "healthy weight loss" so I'm going to have to somehow make it look like I'm eating more on there than I actually am whilst also tracking my real calories. But we also often eat 3 meals a day together so restricting is going to be super hard.

My GW is 118lbs again and then we'll see how much more I need to lose. I want a flat stomach and collar bones and hip bones. I want to be tiny and graceful again.

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[Other] Probably gonna gain some weight but I'll try to be OK with it
/u/tightballpants [5'9 | 146 | 21.6 | 16 lbs | FtM]
Created: Fri Jan 13 11:40:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nse38/probably_gonna_gain_some_weight_but_ill_try_to_be/
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I just switched out an art class for a weight training class next semester. I want to be thin but also strong. Im putting together a cosplay that requires a flat stomach,godlike thighs,and muscular arms. Might gain weight but at least it will be muscle instead of gross fat.

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Decided to snag a sampler pack after seeing the last post about these! Herby, not too salty and calms a growling belly! Love! Try these out, seriously!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 13 11:37:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nsdhr/decided_to_snag_a_sampler_pack_after_seeing_the/
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http://imgur.com/Ia5Co45

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[Other] I really want to make pie but I'm fasting
/u/GrammarNaughtsy [5'3" | 102 | GW: 98 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 13 10:34:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nrz9j/i_really_want_to_make_pie_but_im_fasting/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] My body is keeping me fat!!
/u/fatal11fem [5'2 | CW:119 | GW:100 | -11]
Created: Fri Jan 13 10:01:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nrrrm/my_body_is_keeping_me_fat/
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So this is the 3rd time this has happened to me in the last few months. I start restricting and the weight steadily goes down and then I get to 121.6 and I'll do everything the exact same things as normal but the next day Ill ALWAYS be 122. For instance: I had 700 cals and I ran 3-4 miles yesterday and still ended up at gaining a half a pound.

This happens so frequently that I couldn't even sleep last night because I was anxious about my weight, I KNEW it wasn't gonna be what I wanted, even if I fasted all day I just knew it wasn't gonna be 120.

I'm starting to feel like my body is plotting against me. Trying to keep me fat.. I'm really upset, sorry for the rant. 😔

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[Rant/Rave] "Restriction high" ? I had an exhausting week.
/u/HerbalTeaCigarettes [165 cm| 52,3 kg | 19,4 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 13 09:34:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nrlo8/restriction_high_i_had_an_exhausting_week/
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Hey everyone, I hope you're doing okay. Sorry this is a rave/rant.

I just recently got my shit together (aka relapsed in my worst habits ...yehaw.)

I lost 5,5 lbs (2,5 kg for fellow Europeans) in 10 days. I know it isn't like a crazy amount of weight but the feeling is more delicious than every food I denied.
Uni is 10 hours/day for me and I restricted to ~600 calories. I threw away every food I had at home, kept just the meal prep boxes I made at the weekend (~350 kcal in every box, I love it!)

Now I feel so torn. I'm dizzy, exhausted and tired but I am soo happy to have my control back. Feel like I'm floating.. know what I mean? I can't tell whether I lost noticable weight but my measurements told me I lost !! Now I am so, so afraid of gaining the weight back. Is this already "real progress" or is that mostly water weight? What happens if I binge? Will I be 2 kg heavier tomorrow again?
I'm so afraid of the weekend :( I'm staying with my boyfriend who also loses weight atm but I think he has food at home and I'm so afraid I binge :'( My heart beats fast if I think about the danger of food I don't want to eat, I don't want to gain :(( My pants are fitting so much better now.. What should I do?

Just 0,5 kg and I drop to my beloved BMI of 18.x where I don't feel like a manatee but a .. slightly thinner manatee with a ballet skirt. God I hate myself so much. Can't I just lose weight like a normal person and not stress out about every single gram that goes in and out of my body? Of course not. I do this shit for 12 years now who am I kidding..

I will pack my stuff now and then leave. Guys I love you so much this subreddit doesn't make me feel like I'm the odd one out. I wish you a wonderful weekend with cozy blankets.

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[Other] Made a weight tracker for my bullet journal. So pretty!
/u/nobutlisten [5'5 | CW: 101.0 | GW: lol | BMI: 16.8 | F 25 👽]
Created: Fri Jan 13 09:29:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nrkox/made_a_weight_tracker_for_my_bullet_journal_so/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/9ac808c679bd4ce8a8244bb35671195b?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=e788c6959422a98132d2510227f7d6ca

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How do you exercise if you eat less than 500 per day?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 13 09:29:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nrknn/how_do_you_exercise_if_you_eat_less_than_500_per/
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[removed]

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[Tip] Harm Reduction Tip: Potassium and glucose pills after a binge/purge session.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 13 09:23:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nrjbz/harm_reduction_tip_potassium_and_glucose_pills/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] "Medical advice" given on this sub is really starting to bother me
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 114 | HW 180 | LW 107 | 29 F]
Created: Fri Jan 13 09:09:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nrg5e/medical_advice_given_on_this_sub_is_really/
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Let me preface this post by saying that my intention here is not to be elitist or a know-it-all. I don't know much. I'm merely concerned and perhaps slightly irritated.

As I've said in a number of comments, I'm a second year medical student in the US. I would be just starting clinical rotations this week, but as I was hospitalized for my AN for a few weeks, I'm taking the first rotation off to finish up the pre-clinical (i.e. didactic/classroom) coursework.

There are a LOT of attempts at medical advice being thrown around on this sub that are frankly very concerning. In fact, I've been noticing the incidence increasing in just the past few weeks. "I heard X somewhere" or "I Googled X and it sounds valid to me" or "I've never heard X but it totally makes sense" should not be taken as authoritative in any way. Even "my doctor said X" requires further context than she will give you explicitly.

People... the human body is *incredibly* complicated. Like, way more than you (or I) could possibly imagine. I know that sounds self-evident and pointless to say, but the deeper I get into my learning, the more I realize I don't know a damn thing relative to all there is to know. You have no idea.

Google is a useful resource, but ONLY if you already know what you're talking about in general. You have to have a LOT of background context under your belt to be able to properly assess what you read. That includes a wide variety of topics, not merely physiology. It also helps if you understand basic study design, how results should be interpreted, pitfalls that may warrant dismissing the results of an entire study (or even an entire meta-analysis!), and much more.

I can't tell you how many times I've facepalmed at things I've read online where people are giving advice about things they clearly only have the most superficial possible knowledge of. Articles on the alleged benefits of "alkalinizing your body" in which the author obviously has no knowledge of buffers or how a healthy body resists and compensates for pH changes. "How to"s on passing drug tests where the author obviously has no knowledge of kidney physiology, water balance, or diuretics. There are some REALLY clueless people on the internet who nonetheless speak in an authoritative-sounding manner.

Even if you were to present some information from a more credible source, you can't assume that you suddenly have a complete knowledge of the topic, or about other areas the topic affects. An article could be looking at just one aspect of it when there are so many other things to consider in general and/or in specific cases.

Medical students, residents, fellows, and attending physicians work themselves ragged for a lifetime to be able to acquire and utilize the world's best current understanding of health and disease to help their patients. I know it can be difficult to get in to see one sometimes, but please, schedule an appointment with one, and write down every question or problem you can think of in advance to address with them so you're getting that information from someone who understands it in a broad context and is up to date on her knowledge. That's what *I* still do... and I'm IN medical school. Because I know just how vast my lack of knowledge is.

Physicians are not your enemies, even if it feels like it sometimes (and barring an occasional bad apple). They're there to help you. Please let them.

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[Other] Dear mods: There are sub-Reddits about anxiety, obsessions, addictions, and body image. Here are some links. Could you please add them to the sidebar?
/u/tealhill
Created: Fri Jan 13 09:03:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nrevg/dear_mods_there_are_subreddits_about_anxiety/
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[removed]

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[Help] I have a lot of weird symptoms(warning v gross)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 13 08:58:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nrdt1/i_have_a_lot_of_weird_symptomswarning_v_gross/
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[deleted]

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[Tip] Filling low-cal foods? I feel like a dingus for saying I just discovered OATMEAL!
/u/KatsREAM [5'2"| CW: 104 | GW: 90 | UGW: 74]
Created: Fri Jan 13 08:56:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nrd7j/filling_lowcal_foods_i_feel_like_a_dingus_for/
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As the title reads, I just discovered rolled oats ... wut; 190kcal/0.5 cup and I'm full for like 7 hours? Can anyone recommend anything else that fills this role?

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[Help] Update on previous post
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Fri Jan 13 08:38:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nr9gx/update_on_previous_post/
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I posted yesterday about bulimia recovery and also had my first appointment yesterday where they ended up diagnosing me with anorexia nervosa b/p subtype, I'm in the lowest setting of care and they put me on the lowest meal plan too but I'm very nervous about the calories as I'm use to eating about 300 a day. They told me they aren't going to make me gain weight as I'm still at a healthy bmi (19.3) but I'm still also worried about gaining.. any advice?

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[Other] Discord server
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 13 07:58:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nr1bt/discord_server/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Post-binge freak out
/u/PizzaInMyUrethra [5'5" | CW: INSANE | GW1: 150 | 24F]
Created: Fri Jan 13 07:37:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nqxla/postbinge_freak_out/
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I can't cope, I can't get rid of the panic.

I don't even know WHY or how, before I knew it I'd eaten practically the whole kitchen.

Things have been going so well recently, I started to see a positive future.

Now my brain is saying I'm just destined to be fat. I'll never ever get to my goal weight. I want to purge but I'm scared it might not even be worth it as I ate so much.

I don't want to listen to my brain, I'm so scared it's right.

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[Help] Saw the Pinworm article on r/TIL and now can't stop obsessing!
/u/bigeyessmallthighs
Created: Fri Jan 13 06:56:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nqq5m/saw_the_pinworm_article_on_rtil_and_now_cant_stop/
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Yeah so my bumholey has been itching quite a bit for months now (main symptom) and coming across this article freaked me out. Imagining the worms coming out of me at night and laying eggs. That I could be ingesting and reinfecting myself all the time because the eggs are microscopic, light enough to float in air, and can survive for 2 to 3 weeks. Maybe that's why I have been so bloated lately?! (But you would think i would be losing more weight or be more hungry?)

Cue mad dash to 3 different CVS to find the Pinworm medication (didn't need to be taken with food- yay!) and major frantic sanitation of my apartment. Fitbit was very happy with me cleaning well into the night.

On the plus side it has killed my appetite and i am anticipating a major dump of whatever is in me once the first bout of medicine and fiber supplement runs it's course. My doctor's appt to see if I have worms isn't until Tuesday but they will have tons of tape samples to inspect for eggs...

Or it could (just) be hemmeroids?! Don't Google things when you have an obsessive streak... (apologies if this isn't the best place for this) Has anyone else run into this issue?

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[Other] Time.com article: "Can Pro-Anorexia Websites Help Heal Some Eating Disorders?"
/u/tealhill
Created: Fri Jan 13 05:26:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nqbqx/timecom_article_can_proanorexia_websites_help/
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http://healthland.time.com/2012/08/24/can-pro-anorexia-websites-help-heal-some-eating-disorders/

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! January 13, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jan 13 05:10:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nq9k9/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
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This is the weekly picture thread for January 13, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

**Rules**

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host.

Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, inspiration behind your OOTD (trying to look thin or cover up weightloss, etc.)!

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 13, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jan 13 05:10:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nq9jn/daily_food_diary_january_13_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for January 13, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] My SIL has 'caught' my anorexia
/u/vegemiteandcheesecat
Created: Fri Jan 13 04:52:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nq72e/my_sil_has_caught_my_anorexia/
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I seriously can't believe it! I was talking with my brother on the way to a birthday dinner I had banned her from attending because she always makes a huge deal of eating less than me and how full and fat she feels even though she's about 10-20kg lighter than me (attention seeking really). I had told my mum I'm seeking help for the Anorexia finally(10 years) which she for some reason decided to share with SIL since then my brother tells me SIL has been exisiting on a glass of milk a day, now has all these fear foods and won't touch anything other than diet soft drink or milk. I'm literally fuming right now. The competitive part of me wants to fast until my next weigh in and then go IP because surely then I'm sicker but another part wants to keep pushing and pushing until I'm smaller than her until I can count all of my ribs. I can't even deal right now

Can't flair on mobile, rant please.

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[Tip] Harm-reduction tip: If you restrict, consider taking multivitamin-mineral pills and calcium pills every day. This lessens the side effects of restricting. More details inside.
/u/tealhill
Created: Fri Jan 13 03:53:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5npzf4/harmreduction_tip_if_you_restrict_consider_taking/
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[removed]

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[Tip] Harm-reduction tip: If you restrict, take multivitamin-mineral pills and calcium pills every day. This will lessen the side effects of restricting. More details inside.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 13 03:43:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5npy6b/harmreduction_tip_if_you_restrict_take/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE have a friend that triggers the hell out of them?
/u/jakey-jakey
Created: Fri Jan 13 01:29:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5npi91/dae_have_a_friend_that_triggers_the_hell_out_of/
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My friend has a really bad ED and she's impossibly tiny. She's an amazing dancer and posts videos all the time and can move her body in the most amazing ways. She posted a video tonight and she just looked so tiny and graceful, I ran to the bathroom immediately and threw up. I had dinner three hours ago but apparently I was just so triggered that my body automatically purged.


I love her so much, but she's my biggest trigger. My ED is at its worst after I see her and we talk about how things are going for her.


She doesn't know about my issues. I feel like she'd just think I was trying to copy her.


Anyways I'm gonna work out super hard now.

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[Goal] Just wrote out my 60 plan (pic inside) and life feels a bit more in order now.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 13 01:15:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5npgjp/just_wrote_out_my_60_plan_pic_inside_and_life/
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[Here is the paper above my desk](http://imgur.com/a/YB1Ha).

135 is my ceiling weight. It's the absolute maximum that I'm comfortable and that's being generous. I need to get back down to there and I set my plan out.

I don't think I'm 155 as ~real~ weight, but I've fucked up the past week and super bloated so I set that as my starting point.

I have 2 workout guides that I go back and forth with. I don't have a gym and it's too cold outside, so I'm stuck doing bodyweight stuff.

I have CrushFit Go! and Kayla's BBG. I'd be more than happy to share the pdf with you. Just PM me an email and which one you'd like.

Anyhow, I work best with short term goals. When I was 135, my UGW of 110 felts eons away. Now I'd kill to be 135 again, so I'm just taking it week by week.

Since I've got 25 days without purging, I need to be mindful of binging. I set out a balanced food plan and it should work. I even left room for a slip-up or treat.

Anyone else love calculating and planning and putting it all on paper?

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[Discussion] DAE really not believe others about their perception of you?
/u/sjdoubleyou [6'3" | 173 | 20.37 | M]
Created: Fri Jan 13 01:12:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5npg4m/dae_really_not_believe_others_about_their/
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I've known myself to be described as the "tall skinny guy" or other similar weight-centric signifiers. The issue is I truly don't see that. That may seem like just clear cut dysmorphia but I truly don't even feel disordered when I look at myself and think that I look stocky or big. But everyone says I'm not. Who fuckin knows. Maybe I'm just more fucked in the head than I thought.

(On mobile so no flair :(, sorry)

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[Rant/Rave] Reverse Thinspo Got Me Feeling Like a Bad Person
/u/kinaadman [5'1" | SW 210 | CW 110 | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 13 00:55:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5npe3q/reverse_thinspo_got_me_feeling_like_a_bad_person/
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I think I've posted about reverse thinspo before and how it makes me feel like a horrible person, but I feel like I reached new lows this week as I've started looking at the Instagram feeds of people I know/knew from HS or uni who have gained tons of weight every time I get a craving. The worst part is I actually feel better about myself when I go on these IG feeds and it is simultaneously making me feel like the worst person ever, because I know these people personally and I know that they are quite lovely.

Got me wondering if it's my eating disorder making me a dick or if I'm using my eating disorder as an excuse to be a dick.

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[Discussion] Breaking the cycle! Starting over.
/u/throwaway03199519
Created: Fri Jan 13 00:50:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5npdc6/breaking_the_cycle_starting_over/
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Hi! I wish I was more active on this sub like I used to be, there are so many new faces!

Anyways, I've been in a horrible binge/restrict cycle for MONTHs now and it's been causing me to maintain my weight. Today was finally different though. I felt much more in control and had under 500 cals. I haven't even felt tempted to binge at all! What helped was that I was still able to eat three hot dogs for dinner that were only 45 cals a pop! I basically fasted till 930 and ate a nice big dinner.

Anyone else been having trouble with binging?

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[Rant/Rave] I should be losing 3lb a week or more. I'm losing nothing
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW:190lb | CW:150.1lb | GW:90lb | 27.5/28.4 | -39.9lb]
Created: Fri Jan 13 00:05:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5np7fq/i_should_be_losing_3lb_a_week_or_more_im_losing/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] Huge album found in r/femalefashionadvice. Skinny and stylish.
/u/psychiclobster
Created: Thu Jan 12 22:21:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5noqza/huge_album_found_in_rfemalefashionadvice_skinny/
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I tried to post it, but I don't think the link worked. Here it is!

http://imgur.com/a/6fry0

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Huge album found in r/femalefashionadvice. Skinny and stylish.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 12 22:04:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nonvu/huge_album_found_in_rfemalefashionadvice_skinny/
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http://i.imgur.com/eHdNd2R.jpg

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[Help] Dark spots on skin, hair thinning, knee pain and change in RHR? Looking "sickly"?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 12 21:17:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nog2p/dark_spots_on_skin_hair_thinning_knee_pain_and/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] It's amazing the stages you can go through in one night. [rant]
/u/llamadude00
Created: Thu Jan 12 20:58:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nocn4/its_amazing_the_stages_you_can_go_through_in_one/
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"I've eaten 500 calories. Better stop there. I'm doing so good."

"Okay, that looks good. I shouldn't eat it tho."

"Well.. maybe recovery wouldn't be such a bad thing?? Maybe I should eat more."

*eats everything in my damn kitchen*

"I feel so good about myself, I'm on the road to recovery."

*1 nervous breakdown later*

"Fuck recovery, fuck food, I'm fasting for 3 days and lowering to 400 cals a day"

Ugh. Why is my brain so easily manipulated when I'm heavy restricting?

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I feel like we can all relate to this kid
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 12 20:32:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5no7tf/i_feel_like_we_can_all_relate_to_this_kid/
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https://www.instagram.com/p/BHy9hE_AoSG/

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[Rant/Rave] Answer: who am I?
/u/edgecomplex [GW: Bony shoulders | 17F]
Created: Thu Jan 12 20:09:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5no3gi/answer_who_am_i/
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Obligatory on mobile, can't flair.

Today was the first day of our new semester and my first teacher is the kind of guy who asks all the thought-provoking questions meant to spill your soul to the rest of your classmates, and I love his passion but golly I'm uncomfortable.

Our assingment for tomorrow is to answer "Who am I?" in ten dofferent ways and it feels like my identity is so tied to food idek.

I am greek yogurt. I am coffee with almond milk. I am 300 calories. I am too many pounds. I am a mass of wasted space.

This is unnecessarily stressful.

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[Intro] Hi Everyone :)
/u/symptomatic_basic [5'7" | CW 127 lbs | BMI 19.82 | -36 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jan 12 20:04:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5no2gk/hi_everyone/
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Long time lurker. I think I belong here, but I think I'm a little different than most posters I see here.

I've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, but hated my body for as long as I can remember. I was always the fat one in my family, classified as just barely overweight. All through high school I was a three sport athlete, and accepted that I couldn't do anything about my weight. So I changed in the bathroom, wore two sports bras, kept my shirt on when the rest of the team when topless, and hated myself every day.

I went to college on a cross country scholarship, and enjoyed being the non-traditional looking runner. I suffered through freshman year, then we got a new coach. He sat with us in the dining hall and watched what we ate. He said things like "Give me a team of anorexics and I'll win you a national championship." After races, we would go to Little Caesars and I would only eat the vegetables off the top. I tracked all my calories like crazy. I dropped 20 lbs in 2 months while running 70 miles a week. For the first time, I realized I could control my weight. I restricted all through college.

Post college, I gained weight and stopped running as much. I got the point of hating myself and decided to work hard again. Nowadays, I'm running at least 30 miles a week. I've run 3 marathons and recently qualified for Boston. I actually like my body, but I want to get skinnier to get faster. I want to cut weight as long as it doesn't affect my running. I've been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and PTSD (from a sexual assault) which is currently driving me to restrict. It feels like my weight and running are the only things I have control over in my life. I've dropped 5 lbs over the last month and it's freaked out my family, but I'm happier than I've ever been. My mom's a dietitian, which makes my visits and talks with her really stressful. I want to get to a low enough weight that I'm performing well, but not so low that I lose the energy to run.

Athletic performance and eating disorders are very linked, and I'd love to connect with other people who are in the same boat as me. Even if there aren't people here like me, I've found you guys really encouraging and supportive! I just wanted to say hi before I start posting and getting involved in this community :)

---

Found a shirt I got ten years ago.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 12 19:13:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nnsg6/found_a_shirt_i_got_ten_years_ago/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] My ass is more of a leg crease now. I have completely lost my booty. :(
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 101.6 | BMI:19.8 l GW 90| -42 l F]
Created: Thu Jan 12 18:47:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nnnak/my_ass_is_more_of_a_leg_crease_now_i_have/
---
Idk how to feel. I thought I would be a lot happier to be less curvy. I looked forward to my chest being almost flat.

But why did my ass have to go too?? That was like the only part of my body that I knew I was blessed with. I used to have the greatest butt ever. And now I have Hank Hill booty. D;

I guess I'm really upset by it and I didn't expect this.

---

[Rant/Rave] i don't want to recover, but i don't know how to relapse
/u/anorexic666 [5'4 | CW: 90.6 | LW: 83 | UGW: 80]
Created: Thu Jan 12 18:22:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nnio6/i_dont_want_to_recover_but_i_dont_know_how_to/
---
Just this morning I got out of inpatient hospitalization for my eating disorder. I gained 17 pounds in the 7 weeks I was there. My BMI went from 14.2 to 17.2. I am 16 and I do not want to recover, but my parents don't know what to do with me.

I might not be making any sense. I'm just so emotional and frustrated and full of so much self hate right now.

I know what I want to do, and I don't lack any motivation to do it. I just don't know how to get back to it without getting caught and stopped. I entered eating 300 calories per day and left with a fucking 3,650 calorie meal plan. It's ridiculous and I can't think about anything except how full and fat I am all the time.

I'm starting a PHP program on monday and I think I'm good enough at lying my way past treatment staff and getting out, but I don't want my family and friends to intervene and fuck it up for me. And I don't want to put on even more weight in the meantime. I can't stand it.

I don't want to exist in a body like this anymore. I've outgrown all of my clothing and I look disgusting, I look like a completely different person. I just want to pull out my hair and cry.

---

[Help] My face feels like it is on fire after eating.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 12 18:06:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nnfis/my_face_feels_like_it_is_on_fire_after_eating/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Does anyone else have a compulsion to exist on as little as possible?
/u/Missy_Is_Bitter [5'3"| HW:218| CW:177.4|GW:95 | 23F]
Created: Thu Jan 12 17:51:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nnclt/does_anyone_else_have_a_compulsion_to_exist_on_as/
---
Mobile post, so no flair for me. Sorry for basically spamming you guys this week.

So I got a Fitbit for Christmas, and have been using it to track both my food and my sleep for the past few weeks. And looking at both of them makes me want to exist in like nothing of either.

On of my goals, and, if I accomplish it, non scale victories, is to fast for at least 30 days. So wanting to exist on no food is not a new thing to me. But looking at how many hours my Fitbit tells me I was asleep for makes me want to start only letting myself sleep for maybe three or four hours a night. Like last night I got around 7 1/2 hours and I feel like that was so much time wasted and I'm just super ashamed of myself.

I guess it extends further than that too though. Like I want to take up absolutely no space. I want to take up no time or attention from people. I want to need to drink as little as possible. I just want to run on nothing at all and be entirely unnoticeable. I feel like my entire existence is entirely too consuming and large. I just exist too much. It's hard to actually put into words.

---

[Tip] YOU GUYS BEST NOT BE SLEEPING ON SPAGHETTI SQUASH.
/u/rubber__soul [5'6| CW yikes |GW1 120 | UGW 100/ Gender: F/20]
Created: Thu Jan 12 17:41:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nnajj/you_guys_best_not_be_sleeping_on_spaghetti_squash/
---
On mobile, can't flair sorry!!
but seriously you guys, if you miss pasta as much as i do, hop on the spaghetti squash bandwagon. 31 calories for a cup!! plus you can make your own low cal tomato sauce, or buy one at the store. i just ate a cup o squash topped with 1/2 cup sauce, FOR ONLY 71 CALORIES

lol sorry i'm just super excited because it's low cal, vegan, and cheap to make. plus i'm actually super full!

---

[Rant/Rave] Emotional Eating
/u/MidnightCrashes [5'1| CW: 88.2 |17.40| F]
Created: Thu Jan 12 17:32:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nn8xi/emotional_eating/
---
I'm really angry and nowhere to rant so I'm sorry, lol.

I've never been an emotional eater but some switch flipped a year ago and now I do. To make it worse, I have IBS. Certain foods will make me suffer for up to a week at a time. And emotional eating, I eat everything that I know makes it worse. I'll know how much it'll hurt, but I do it anyway, just for the distraction??? (and, because a part of me keeps saying how I deserve the pain).

Like yesterday for example. A fight with the boyfriend lead to that. My calories weren't dangerously bad (1200, or 1300 at most), but I had SO much fat and sugar and now it's killing me. I HATE it. Why can't I just stop eating my emotions?? Why did a switch flip out of nowhere and turn me from someone who didn't eat when stressed/angry/sad/etc, to someone who does??? It's killing me, in more ways than one :(

---

[Help] DAE get angular cheilitis (cracked and sore corners of mouth)??
/u/Jaaasss [5'3 | 105 | 19.1 | GW 98 | F19]
Created: Thu Jan 12 17:16:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nn5ly/dae_get_angular_cheilitis_cracked_and_sore/
---
My body hates me and has decided to make the corners of my mouth all dumb and sore. I have had luck taking omgea 3 to get rid of them in the past, and google says it may be a vitamin B thing, but does anyone here have any personal experience with them? Should I see a doctor maybe? My restriction hasn't even been THAT low? They hurt and make me look ridiculous. Thank you for any help xx

---

[Discussion] Does anyone have a SO who also has an eating disorder?
/u/ObservingSilence [5'9" | CW:132.6lb | BMI:19.6 | GW:119lb |F]
Created: Thu Jan 12 15:48:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nmnej/does_anyone_have_a_so_who_also_has_an_eating/
---
What is your relationship like? Do you both cheer each other on or...?

On mobile, can't flair.

---

[Rant/Rave] Just binged again
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 12 14:47:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nm9zi/just_binged_again/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Garcinia cambogia?
/u/GrammarNaughtsy [5'3" | 102 | GW: 98 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 12 14:35:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nm76f/garcinia_cambogia/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I saw myself in a mirror
/u/imnevergold [5'6 | 112 | 18.15 | -15 | F |]
Created: Thu Jan 12 13:50:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nlx6p/i_saw_myself_in_a_mirror/
---
So my teacher is making us do boot camp in the yoga room which is lined with mirrors. I'm already feeling shitty because I've gained 5lbs over winter break (I'm 117 now I'm just too ashamed to update my tag). When I saw how fat I looked next to everyone I felt so down about myself. I hate how I look. I hate how my legs are so stubby and how my thighs and my stomach are so fat. I've been restricting for the past few days and I haven't lost any weight at all. At least we're doing boot camp 3 days a week maybe I'll at least be in better shape.

---

[Help] How safe is long-term use of Primatene (AKA Bronkaid, etc.)?
/u/charredsouls
Created: Thu Jan 12 13:27:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nlrzl/how_safe_is_longterm_use_of_primatene_aka/
---
I've been taking Primatene for a couple months and it has worked wonders on suppressing my appetite. In the past couple weeks, I thought I could stop taking it, and my binge eating patterns came back with a vengeance. Now I'm in a quandary because if I do take it, I worry about its effects on my body, but if I don't I find it harder to resist binging :/

Anybody know if it's safe to take for a longer-ish term (6+ months)? It is for people with asthma, so I don't necessarily see why it would be so unsafe, but of course I don't want to risk it.

---

[Rant/Rave] Wearing clothes that are a little too tight today
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 12 11:13:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nky29/wearing_clothes_that_are_a_little_too_tight_today/
---
And a little too short. I keep pulling at my shirt and feeling the fabric of my pants squeezing me just a little uncomfortably.


It's the worst feeling and all it does is make me think about food even more!


"I'm hungry, no I won't eat I'll feel even worse in these clothes, who cares just go to taco bell, no just fast"


Seriously, I hate this.

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant/long] rude awakening after 6 months of not weighing myself..
/u/orangejujubes
Created: Thu Jan 12 10:26:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nkn9e/rantlong_rude_awakening_after_6_months_of_not/
---
Let's start with some background; six months ago my boyfriend and I moved into a new apartment and at this time I was looking for a fresh and healthy start in our new home, so I opted to leave our bathroom scale at the old house. Oiy. Since then I still count calories and am still obsessed with food, but my restriction is more focused on un/healthy foods - I refuse to eat anyyyything 'unsafe' (except occasional binge/purge meltdowns). I've also been exercising more; running, hot yoga, lifting weights, etc. Since moving I've definitely noticed some changes about my body, but positive changes; I don't appear to have put on weight (though logically I knew I must have), I look more toned and sleek, have felt stronger and happier, I've even been playing with the possibility that I might actually be starting to like myself - which is pretty profound considering that for 11 years, anorexia and self-hatred completely ruled my life and came very close to killing me.
Back to the present. Yesterday I was visiting at my mums house (I haven't been there for 2 years) and, of course, noticed the bathroom scale. Innocently (wrongly) I thought "ohh, what's the harm.." Expecting to see a nice, low number that would reinforce everything I've been feeling good about. The last time I weighed myself I was 107lbs at 5'7, I am still 5'7 and decided that I could deal with like 115lbs, anything under 119 would do. So I gingerly stepped on the scale, closed my eyes, decided that yes this was the right thing to do, opened my eyes, and almost had a heart attack. 121 lbs. What!? No. Try again, it must be wrong. 121 lbs. Ho-ly shit. Cue panic attack. My highest weight ever in my life was 124, when I was a huge disgusting monstrosity. How could I possibly weigh only three pounds less than that and have been feeling so good?
Since yesterday I have been swaying between rationalizing that muscle weighs more than fat and that 14 pounds really isn't all that much. But then I lose it and remember 14 pounds really is all that much and I must be insane for thinking I was doing well. I have been toying with the 'numbers don't really matter,' then plunging into OH MY GOD of course they do! I don't know how to deal with this, I have never been blindsided like this before and none of my million 'coping skills' can even come close to calming me down. My thumb has been hovering over the 'buy now' button for a scale off amazon, but I know I can't fall back down that rabbit hole. I really don't know what to do.

---

[Rant/Rave] Purging with a cold...
/u/Ravanys [BMI 29. Either super hungry or super full.]
Created: Thu Jan 12 10:25:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nkn3h/purging_with_a_cold/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Still hungry on Bronkaid?
/u/HistrionicSlut
Created: Thu Jan 12 09:53:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nkftf/still_hungry_on_bronkaid/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I got my period back.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 12 09:49:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nkf6j/i_got_my_period_back/
---
And subsequently my hormonal cystic acne. So now I feel like a complete monster, not just a fat one.

My husband begged me to gain enough to get it back. So I basically maintained all of November and December and gained ~3lbs and now I just hate myself even more.

Fuck me

/mobile

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[Discussion] Strange habits/behaviors you "have" to do
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 12 09:41:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nkd8d/strange_habitsbehaviors_you_have_to_do/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Bulimia recovery
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Thu Jan 12 09:14:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nk7lv/bulimia_recovery/
---
My mom somehow coaxed me into spilling everything about my eating disorders while on a car ride and now I'm going to a adolescence eating disorder clinic for an appointment.. does anybody have experience with bulimia recovery and what it's like? I'm really nervous about it.

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[Discussion] Seeing people for the first time in months
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 12 09:08:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nk68q/seeing_people_for_the_first_time_in_months/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Anyone else "lazy restricting"?
/u/Chaosncalculation [5'4" | restricting bulimic | -11 (!!!) | F]
Created: Thu Jan 12 07:07:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5njiw4/anyone_else_lazy_restricting/
---
Idk how to say this. Sometimes I restrict and I'm obsessed with it. Every calorie has to be perfect and I weigh myself multiple times a day. But lately I just don't have the motivation I guess. I'm staying under 500 but not religiously tracking everything. I just know the calories in what I'm eating. I haven't weighed myself in over a week. I don't know why. Restricting like this is easier, and a lot less work, but I've never done this before. It's weird. Anyone else?


On mobile, can't flair

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support January 12, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jan 12 05:07:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nizyx/weekly_emotional_support_january_12_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 12, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jan 12 05:07:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nizy8/daily_food_diary_january_12_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 12, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel like a bitter and spiteful monster
/u/larpin94
Created: Thu Jan 12 03:45:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nipsf/i_feel_like_a_bitter_and_spiteful_monster/
---
I used to be very obese (6ft, 275lbs), but lost 100+ in less than a year about 18 months ago, since then I've been building up some muscle while trying to reduce bodyfat, but am constantly obsessed about food and am very restrictive with what I eat. I have never had an absurd binge (like +1000 calories) since my weight loss, but I still get horrific cravings for junk food.

My attitude towards others seems very strange...I hate it when others talk about their successes in starting to lose weight and secretly cheer to myself if they fail (which they usually do).

I can't stand it when my overweight family members are "being good", like having clearly eaten less calories than me, or leave portions of a meal after I've finished mine.

I feel successful when I'm eating a normal meal while my family stuffs their faces on pizza or some fast food crap (that to be honest I'm craving myself).

I love getting unhealthy snacks and sweets for my family when they ask for it, or sometimes baking treats which they stuff their faces in while a take a nibble and spit the rest out.

I love my family, and I know they want to help me get through all my psychological issues, but I really don't know how I can change this horrific attitude towards them and others.

---

[Rant/Rave] My mother finally understands
/u/ketogirl98
Created: Thu Jan 12 01:58:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nid0h/my_mother_finally_understands/
---
Good morning!

Long story short: My mom has up until yesterday thought I was wasting the clinic I go to's time, and that I don't have disordered eating at all, that I just wanted attention.

To the story:
I had my blood works done a while ago, and yesterday I got the results. It was generally good, but I had some markings on my liver, which the doctor said was normal for someone with an eating disorder. Called my mother and told her in hope of her understanding that this is not something I'm making up. She actually got interested and asked what kind of eating disorder they say I might have and so on. Told her that I do not eat lunch in school and she flipped on me and got super worried. "You have to eat in school! You can't go without eating!!"

I am glad she finally reacted. It feels good. It really does. I've gone my whole life without being important enough for her to lift a finger of worries. I'm surprised.

---

[Rant/Rave] I have to stop eating
/u/pcrnography [ -84 lbs | king of water retention]
Created: Thu Jan 12 00:33:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ni320/i_have_to_stop_eating/
---
I can't do this anymore. I'm stuck in a binge/restrict cycle and it hurts. I don't even like what I've been binging on, I'm just so hungry even after I've eaten that I can't stop. I miss restricting. I hate eating. I don't want to eat. 20 pounds and I'll be at my goal weight, finally, that's like 2 months, 1.5 if I get my shit together, then I can start maintaining/slowly losing. I can't stay at this weight anymore, I've been losing the same 2 pounds for a month. I never want to eat again.

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[Rant/Rave] It's my birthday in 7 days and I'm not excited at all
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 11 23:48:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nhwva/its_my_birthday_in_7_days_and_im_not_excited_at/
---
I've been doing so well lately and I feel like I'll just spiral down again if I let myself go and not count calories on my birthday. I'm turning 18 though and it's a huge deal in my country cause it's now legal for me to drink, drive and work and it's kinda like a quinceañera but we call it a debut here. Most girls would have huge ass fancy events or rent out a club or whatever but I just wanna stay at home and put all the money in the bank so I can visit my boyfriend soon :(


I've told my family that I don't want to do anything, I just want to stay at home and save money and not bother celebrating but of course I heard my maid mention that my mom is planning to cook my favorite dishes :( they're all loaded with carbs too and I'm supposed to be on a low carb diet because of my PCOS.


Sorry for the rant. Hopefully I'll be able to fast for 3 days before then so it doesn't affect my weight much and I'll be able to enjoy my birthday even just a little bit.

---

Who am I? The more in-depth, the better
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 11 22:38:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nhme8/who_am_i_the_more_indepth_the_better/
---
https://imgur.com/a/qS5Cp

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[Rant/Rave] The last few days have been real stupid!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 11 21:40:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nhclr/the_last_few_days_have_been_real_stupid/
---
My SO has it in his head that he's knocked me up. I've only been spotting probably due to my drastic change in eating and dropping about 8-9 pounds pretty quickly. I haven't told him any of that though and I keep telling him not to worry about it. (Honestly, I wonder if he's blind or afraid to say anything negative or positive about my weight. I think a normal person would be able to tell I've dropped some.) Well now he has it in my head that I'm knocked up and I've gone through about 5 pregnancy tests lol. They have all came up negative which is good, but god the extra stress sucks.

Any-who, tonight I went on this mini binder and I'm craving chocolate like mad so I know I'm okay.

Being in a relationship is wonderful, but sometimes sucks because literally everything is shared and sometimes I want my alone time with my body.

Idk I've been doing so well with my diet and then today was a slight down hill. Hopefully the next few days aren't real stupid.

---

The last few days have been real stupid!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 11 21:38:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nhcbu/the_last_few_days_have_been_real_stupid/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Didn't know there was a rule about posting 24 hours apart but Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed Jan 11 20:44:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nh2lu/didnt_know_there_was_a_rule_about_posting_24/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/32336981a2f044b28f44f72008ec7b3a?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=2a4725b78eaad95ce5e7d187f2839df4

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[Other] Collarbones and ribs party anyone? It's so darn soothing to stroke em.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 11 20:22:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ngyjj/collarbones_and_ribs_party_anyone_its_so_darn/
---
https://imgur.com/ike1jPV

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[Tip] r/1200isplenty has great recipes and tips!
/u/fuckincaillou
Created: Wed Jan 11 20:11:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ngwj4/r1200isplenty_has_great_recipes_and_tips/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Hilarious weight conversions
/u/bequietbelly [5'10" | CW 149 | HW ≥ 200 |LW 130 | GW 125 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 11 18:39:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ngexy/hilarious_weight_conversions/
---
[I found this site, which lists the weight of random objects/animals.](http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3421351)

**Edit:** *[This one](http://www.weightandthings.com/) and [this one](http://www.bluebulbprojects.com/MeasureOfThings/) have kg options for those who wish to avoid Imperial entanglements, and [this site](https://degreesearch.org/blog/how-much-does-stuff-weigh/) has an infographic and few more weird weights.*

I got bored and did some math, so now I know I weigh the same as:

* One human brain, two elephant penises, a car tire, a two slice toaster, and a box of wine

* 2,000 paintballs, a newborn giraffe, and two pineapples

* 119 guinea pigs, an average two year old toddler, and a 2-liter bottle of soda

* A two month old horse and a small bale of hay

* 23 billion grains of sand

To get to my GW I need to lose 24 lbs, which equals:

* Two adult Maltese dogs, three shoes, and coffee maker

* A medium bag of dog food and nine human brains

* 14 footballs and a six foot aluminum (of aluminium if you prefer) step ladder


If I reach my gw I'll have lost 49 lbs since last July, or:

* An elephant's heart, a can of Crisco shortening, and a Malayan flying fox

* A mid-size microwave, two bags of sugar, and the world's smallest cat (Mr. Peebles)

If I reach my gw, I'll be down 75 lbs from my highest known weight (I guess around 200 because I stopped weighing myself at 198 because I was scared seeing it on the scale), which is the same as:

* An average human leg, a cinder block, and a rack of baby back ribs

* 225 medium sized bananas

* 5 bowling balls

* the amount of cheese consumed by the average American in a year, an elephant's heart, and one guinea pig


What about you guys?

---

[Help] I'm too scared of the scale. How can I ever work up the courage to go onto it again?
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: 100 | -35 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 11 18:16:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ngacp/im_too_scared_of_the_scale_how_can_i_ever_work_up/
---
I desperately want to know how much I weigh. However, I'm scared I won't weigh as much as I expected and I'll still weigh in the 120s even though I AM much skinnier right now than when I was 123 pounds. If I go onto it and see a number higher than 115 I'll probably freak.

I tell myself "when I fit into size 2 I'll weigh myself because I have to be really thin then." I am a size 2 now though and I still can't do it. :/ Now I'm waiting until I have a bigger thigh gap, but that still probably won't be good enough.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else constantly 'starting over'?
/u/all-mah-secrets [158cm/5'2"|CW: 50kg|BMI: 20.71|GW: 46Kg| F]
Created: Wed Jan 11 17:04:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nfvud/anyone_else_constantly_starting_over/
---
Telling myself to just begin anew as if it's an easy thing to do.

It's tiring, that's what it is.

Edit: how does one flair on mobile? Want to put this under 'discussion'....

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[Other] Did I just binge?
/u/capture_the_excite
Created: Wed Jan 11 16:11:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nfkyh/did_i_just_binge/
---
[removed]

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Best workouts?
/u/bitterorbetter [5'5| 140 | 23.3 | -20| F19]
Created: Wed Jan 11 15:29:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nfc6h/best_workouts/
---
[removed]

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Made a Weight Graph and Log for my Billet Journal. So pretty.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 11 15:23:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nfayv/made_a_weight_graph_and_log_for_my_billet_journal/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/455fb8d7811149449e01327c20cddd24?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=d0e90cb0063ed03f0e76dce14d26eaef

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[Help] How long will this super-quick weight loss last?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 11 15:02:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nf6ao/how_long_will_this_superquick_weight_loss_last/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Made the mistake of telling one of my friends I only have coffee for breakfast. When asked why, said it gave me stomach issues and was my preference overall.
/u/skinnynirvana [5'5½ | GW 110 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 11 13:21:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nejwe/made_the_mistake_of_telling_one_of_my_friends_i/
---
*Sigh.*

Now he's trying to convince me to eat in the mornings because “it'll give me more energy” and is listing all sorts of fruits and vegetables. Told him eating so early also makes me sluggish but he's so damn adamant that I must be lying, so I decided to play along and “ate” something then claimed it didn't work. He then told me I needed to do it for a week to see results but at that point, I was so fed up and annoyed, I just told him straight up that as much as I appreciate his concern, it wasn't like I was going to die for skipping breakfast and this is the only way to guarantee a happy stomach so I'm not about to change my habits.

Thank god that finally shut him up.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm stressed and I'm binging
/u/french__toasted [5'9" | CW:too much | GW: 115 | F21]
Created: Wed Jan 11 11:53:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ne06b/im_stressed_and_im_binging/
---
I've been at home for winter break for about a month now and my binging has been out of control. I binge when I am anxious and both of my parents have been in and out of the hospitals for serious illnesses which is causing serious stress. Right now my dad is in the hospital right now and I am trying to make sure my younger brother is taken care of while my mom is traveling for work. This stress has been causing non-stop binging, whenever no one is around I end up just shoving food into my mouth until it hurts.


To add to that, I fucked up with my future job. I was supposed to fill out a background check form when I got my offer, but procrastinated on it since I got busy and was stressed because of my sick parents. So I tried to do it today since I knew it needed to be done (I graduate in may and they need to verify my degree so I thought it would be fine if I waited) and the link has expired. So now I have to call HR and ask them to send me another link which probably isn't that big of a deal but I feel like it's just going to start me off on the wrong foot, even though this is a giant company so my future boss probably won't even hear about it. I just have huge anxiety about talking on the phone in a professional setting so I'm laying on the couch eating rice cakes until my mouth hurts and procrastinating making this call. At least this is probably the lowest calorie binge I've had all week. :(

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm the worst (an introductory rant I guess)
/u/carotenemia [5'1 | CW: bad | GW: 92 | ??? dfab]
Created: Wed Jan 11 11:26:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ndtzg/im_the_worst_an_introductory_rant_i_guess/
---
I don't know what to do anymore, I went into the holidays with my lowest weight since I gained a bunch a couple years back. Before that I definitely had a fucked up relationship with food but I was at least thin, and I thought that finally I was going to get back to that. I was going to keep up the momentum over the holidays and go back to school looking and feeling better than when I left. Haha fuck no! I'm back at my starting weight, binged and purged a ton instead of restricting as planned, and actually really want to purge rn except I just got my wisdom teeth out :( I don't know why I can't just control myself. I know it's not worth it, I know that when I gain weight I become more depressed and anxious and non-functional, but I just keep doing it anyways. I was looking forward to seeing my friends over break and buying new clothes but now I honestly just want to crawl in a hole and die or at least sleep till all this weight is gone. I guess I'm just looking for a reason to keep going right now because I feel like it's all so hopeless. (Sorry for being a downer and for not actually knowing how flairs are supposed to work bc I'm always on mobile?)

---

[Rant/Rave] Flushed last night..
/u/jakey-jakey
Created: Wed Jan 11 10:02:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ndb4m/flushed_last_night/
---
I ended the purge session basically saying NEVER AGAIN. I was so out of control of my purging, I just could not stop spewing water. I went on a massive chocolate binge and had a hard lump of chocolate just sitting in my stomach and I could feel it. I managed to get it out but flushing is fucking intense. I'm feeling really shaky and weak today.


I'll probably end up doing by that again.

---

[Rant/Rave] The real reason I don't reveal my ED to anyone (Rant)
/u/sprinkle1997 [5'2 | CW 125 GW 100 | 19F]
Created: Wed Jan 11 09:55:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nd9mn/the_real_reason_i_dont_reveal_my_ed_to_anyone_rant/
---
I don't keep my ED a secret from my friends because I think they will be worried for me or rat me out. I'm worried that they will see how great it worked for me, copy me and become even thinner than me. I'm so narcissistic and messed up. What the hell is wrong with me?

---

[Rant/Rave] Lost 20 pounds in a month..
/u/Im_Shrinking
Created: Wed Jan 11 09:48:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nd7v4/lost_20_pounds_in_a_month/
---
And my boyfriend is happy for me, my family is happy for me, everyone is. I'm reveling in it all, basking in the glory of feeling sexy but I can't help feeling guilty and sad too.

They think my veganism has been the cause of my rapid weight loss. They think it's the healthy foods I'm eating. But what they don't know is that I'm restricting myself to 400 calories a day and even less if I can manage it. My heart breaks a little every time my boyfriend hugs me and says "you've lost more weight baby, I'm happy for you" cause he is being supportive but doesn't know that I'm doing this the wrong way..

I've never thought I had an eating disorder, I'm not small enough to have one and if you looked at me you couldn't tell, I look healthy/thick enough, I weigh 180lbs (probably less now, but I haven't checked in two weeks).

I always knew my relationship with food was messed up, I have always struggled with my weight..but now I'm starting to realize some thoughts I have aren't normal. I'm not supposed to panic and wonder if one little sip of something is going to make me balloon and I'm not supposed to feel horrible eating dinner with everyone; telling myself to ignore the fear in my stomach as I shovel food in. I'm not supposed to feel awful if I'm full, not even to bursting, just that comfortable full. I feel awful if I reach 1200 calories from veggies, I consider this a binge now..and If my stomach isn't empty and I'm not constantly fighting the pangs I feel like I've messed up and have to preoccupy myself to stave off the guilt.

These thoughts scare me but the progress in the mirror tells me not to stop. How can I? This is the best I've done in years! I'm actually going back down to a healthy weight and look good in my clothes. I love how baggy they're getting, how small I feel in my boyfriends arms, the way my ribs are beginning to peak a little..

Idk if I can call this an eating disorder but I'm scared (and not scared?) that it'll become one..I keep saying once I hit my goal weight I'll stop and gradually eat back at maintenance but idk if I will, what if I get too scared of food or I can't control myself and eat too much?

I'm sorry if this is rambly and doesn't make sense, I'm having a hard time processing my thoughts. Maybe I'm not supposed to be in this sub but it's the only place I feel like I can relate to you all..so thank you for taking the time and reading this.

Edit: on mobile and can't flair

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed Jan 11 09:17:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nd1cs/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/e3a5d82c174540148122480cde213e5b?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=aac5564917e996745642195fee0033e9

---

[Rant/Rave] Apparently my body doesn't like it when I try to be healthy.
/u/Missy_Is_Bitter [5'3"| HW:218| CW:177.4|GW:95 | 23F]
Created: Wed Jan 11 08:52:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ncw5j/apparently_my_body_doesnt_like_it_when_i_try_to/
---
Seriously, I have been making a sincere effort to make sure I get all the vitamins and minerals and shit that my body might need while I'm restricting, but apparently my body doesn't want that.
I took my handful of supplements this morning (caffeine and bronkaid count as supplements, right?), and now I feel painfully nauseous. Like run to the bathroom to dry heave nauseous.

Thank god for rice cakes and frozen grapes, hopefully those will calm my dumb stomach down. And I'm probably going to back off of all the vitamins and shit. If my body wants to be off on all that sort of stuff, so be it.

---

[Discussion] Endless Wikipedia Articles
/u/00110100-00110010 [5'4'' | CW 114 | UGW 104 | 19.9 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 11 08:48:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ncvdo/endless_wikipedia_articles/
---
Does anyone else get sucked into health-related Wikipedia rabbit holes? Hip-to-waist ratio leads to abdominal obesity leads to visceral fat... it's quite the party down here.

---

[Thinspo] Bodyweight fitness ladies - my new obsession
/u/basicbetty
Created: Wed Jan 11 08:37:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nct07/bodyweight_fitness_ladies_my_new_obsession/
---
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=w5YX4rr0VMI

---

[Goal] I won't reach my goal on my birthday, but I'm finally at a healthy BMI
/u/voidnasp [153cm | CW 55,6kg | 24,96 | -12kg | F]
Created: Wed Jan 11 07:26:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ncflr/i_wont_reach_my_goal_on_my_birthday_but_im/
---
I'm not a heavy poster of this sub, but I just wanted to share this with you guys, because I know I won't be judged here. This might be a bit long, sorry.

I've always been a bit overweight, my lowest was 56kg/123lb back when I was starving myself and used to purge, and according to old BMI calculators I was at a healthy BMI, about four years ago. I tried to recover, be healthy, "accept yourself as you are" and all. But it never really felt right. I guess I'll always be a bit sick.

Anyway, I gained all the weight back. In July 2016, I was at 68kg/149lb, at a BMI of 30. I couldn't stand it anymore and went back at heavily restricting. I was so mad at myself for letting myself getting so fat. I set myself a goal : to be 50kg/110lb on my 21st birthday, the 29th of January. I honestly didn't know if I could do it, but I wanted to challenge myself. It has always been one of my GW, this would be the best gift I could ever give to myself.

Today I am at 55,6 kg/122 lb. My birthday is in less than a month. I don't think I will make it. I was mad at myself for the binges of the past months, for not restricting enough, not exercising enough, not losing even a bit of weight in Juy and August...

But damn, this is the lowest I've ever been. According to the BMI calculator, I'm finally at a healthy BMI of 24,96. I lost more than 12 kg from September until now. I fit in clothes I could't wear anymore. I feel lighter. I can *see* I lost weight. I'm still not happy with what I see, but I can see it. I feel confident enough to wear jeans again, even if that's not that often.

It feels unreal to write this, but I think I love myself a bit more now. I will still try to reach my goal in the following months. My UGW so far is being 45 kg/99 lb and maybe I'll try to reach it afterwards. I want to try to lose them in a healthier way, maybe starting to restrict less... I don't know if I could do it yet, but I want to hope I can

Thank you for reading this <3

---

[Help] Sodium and water weight question
/u/ResurrectionOfMarion
Created: Wed Jan 11 06:05:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nc26v/sodium_and_water_weight_question/
---
Does anybody have an estimate on how much water weight you retain per certain amount of excess sodium?
I have a really bad habit of nibbling oxo cubes and every time I do that I seem to wake up heavier even if I haven't eaten anything else all day! I'm always craving salty foods and have to put lots on my vegetables if I eat otherwise I don't enjoy them! I really want to give sodium up but I'm so addicted and hate myself for it! Sometimes I even sprinkle salt on my hand and eat it lol :(

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else feel like this?
/u/bitterorbetter [5'5| 140 | 23.3 | -20| F19]
Created: Wed Jan 11 05:50:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nbzsi/does_anyone_else_feel_like_this/
---
I literally have absolutely zero self control when it comes to eating. I try to eat healthy but I end up binging even if it's "healthy" foods. And when I try to eat anything over 600, I end up going up to 1500 or more even, and just eat normally because my body keeps craving the food. And when I try to shop for low cal foods I end up eating ridiculous portion sizes because I have no self control and am a disgusting pig. So I feel like it's all or nothing when it comes to eating. I have absolutely no self control and even when I recognize I'm not hungry I still feel this animal urge to eat that I know is in my head but I absolutely can't make myself stop. Does anyone else do this or am I just a totally disgusting mess?

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[Tip] Good subreddit with low-cal recipes and motivation.
/u/electille [5'7 | 123 | 19.2 | ?]
Created: Wed Jan 11 05:43:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nbyra/good_subreddit_with_lowcal_recipes_and_motivation/
---
[removed]

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday January 11, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jan 11 05:09:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nbtsz/way_to_go_wednesday_january_11_2017/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for January 11, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 11, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jan 11 05:09:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nbtsc/daily_food_diary_january_11_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 11, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] I can't have an opinion apparently...
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 11 04:32:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nbp2q/i_cant_have_an_opinion_apparently/
---
Being at my size currently, everything I say is discounted or blamed on my size.

I'm cold? - too skinny

I'm tired? - too skinny

I'm sore? - not enough fat to compensate normal activity

I literally get all of these said to me *and more* when I complain about normal things. And not only do they *just* say that they also go onto give me advice.

SO ANNOYING!

---

[Help] WHY THE GAINZ
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 52.5 kg | 19.28 | 18 f]
Created: Wed Jan 11 04:23:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nbnw1/why_the_gainz/
---
Sorry it's one of those posts again...

I swear I'm going crazy. Went on the scale this morning... 54,6 kgs.
By the maths, it is impossible for me to have gained. I try to eat at least 1000 kcal a day, but I rarely reach that. The only thing I don't log is diet soda (1 kcal pr. 250 ml / glass). Those 2 calories a day cannot make a difference big enough here.

I keep saying to myself it's just water weight. I drink at least 2 liters of water / tea a day. So it could be, right?

The "big drop" happened 6 days ago - 54,8 -> 54,1. I ate 568 kcal and drank 2 liter 550 ml the day before 54,1. Should I just do a low kcal day and see what happens?

I'm seriously worrying something is wrong with my food scale, but the portion sizes of the food i eat often hasn't changed as far as my eye can see.

Nothing (besides diet coke) goes into my mouth without being logged. What is happening. Why this. I am seriously panicky and have only 461 kcal planned today, and that is just not good enough.

tl;dr: Please give me all the reasons one could gain weight while eating at a deficit

---

[Help] So frustrated, problems with the scale
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Wed Jan 11 04:12:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nbmip/so_frustrated_problems_with_the_scale/
---
Okay so guys I'm really annoyed. I'm trying not to cry while I'm typing this it's just so fucking frustrating. Soooo I went vegan about a week ago, and it's been so awesome so far. I'm able to eat and feel full for once and still be under my calorie limit. I've been weighing myself twice a day, the exact same time, and I've been steadily losing weight. Today I get on the scale and I'm like almost four pounds heavier. What the hell. I barely ate yesterday only because I had to go for a banquet at work and I wasnt sure about the calories I'd be consuming. Turns out all I could have was some broccoli and a roll.
Could this just be water weight?? :( I was excited to log my weight and look at my progress and now I'm just trying not to freak out.

---

[Help] sleeping with hunger pains?
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | cw: cow | gw: calf | 19F]
Created: Wed Jan 11 02:54:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nbd0d/sleeping_with_hunger_pains/
---
anyone got any advice on this? I tried googling it expecting results from those health websites, but the first to pop up was myproana. apparently normal people would just eat something lmao.

I tried drinking a bunch of water, and usually I take melotonin but I like to take it at like 8-9pm so I'm not groggy the next morning and i feel the most hunger pains at like 2am when I get up to pee & can't go back to sleep (aka too late to take melotonin). anyone got tips? I'm sure they're even worse for people fasting, I'm just talking low restriction here ://

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[Tip] I love being lactose intolerant.
/u/MishaDrools [5'1 | 115 | GW 100 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 11 01:53:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nb5hd/i_love_being_lactose_intolerant/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Somebody help me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 11 00:32:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5navbj/somebody_help_me/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Bathroom scale vs doctor scale
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 11 00:10:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nasd1/bathroom_scale_vs_doctor_scale/
---
Who do you trust more and which one do you use for your flair? The doctor usually weights me anywhere from 5 to 10 pounds heavier than my scale, including my clothes but still it's much heavier...

Also which scale do you use and how do you like it? I need a digital one...

---

[Discussion] Anyone know what happened to Glitter_Cunt?
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 23:45:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5naosn/anyone_know_what_happened_to_glitter_cunt/
---
I haven't seen her lately. I hope she's alright :(

---

[Rant/Rave] Never enough
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 108lb | UGW 98lb |F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 22:34:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5nadv8/never_enough/
---
It's absolutely exhausting that nothing ever seems to be enough: Never skinny enough, beautiful enough, perfect enough, good enough.

I feel like if I can't reach those impossibly high standards I set for myself, I just will never be worth anything. And I know *logically* that it's not true, and my value is not measured by my looks, my weight, etc...but my brain doesn't care about logic, it cares about what it wants and that's absolute, impossible perfection.

Some days are better than others, so that's a consolation, but boy sure is exhausting to live this way.

---

[Discussion] Chewing tobacco
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 10 21:41:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5na517/chewing_tobacco/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] Any Aussies on here who would be interested in chatting?
/u/tinycat1 [165cm| 56kg | 20F | GW: 45KG]
Created: Tue Jan 10 20:22:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n9r1s/any_aussies_on_here_who_would_be_interested_in/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Depressed about Apple Watch data
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 10 20:17:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n9q3n/depressed_about_apple_watch_data/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] We're doing a weight loss challenge at work
/u/bo0youwhore [5'4" | Lost: 9lb | CW: 110 | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 20:12:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n9p6c/were_doing_a_weight_loss_challenge_at_work/
---
The challenge is 12 weeks long and they're tracking everyone's weight once per week. I wasn't going to do it (because everyone else is overweight and thinks I'm tiny even though I'm not) but my manager asked me to since I work in HR and we are (she) the ones that put it together.

I got measured and weighed today and the woman commented that she didn't know why I am doing the challenge since "I don't even have any body fat" *eye roll*

I told her I wasn't trying to lose weight - just be healthier and she accepted it. But now I have to deal with her judgy comments every week if I do lose weight (which I want to).

I hate this time of year. Everyone and their mom is asking me to workout with them/try being vegan, blah. 

Just let me starve myself and leave me alone.

---

[Rant/Rave] I am my own thinspo and it's so depressing.
/u/tinycat1 [165cm| 56kg | 20F | GW: 45KG]
Created: Tue Jan 10 20:06:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n9nzo/i_am_my_own_thinspo_and_its_so_depressing/
---
I found a picture I took of my body a year ago, when I was exercising every day and had a strict diet. I was only 7 kg lighter than I am now but the difference is huuuge...
I can't believe I let myself get to this point again, where I hate my body. And it only happened because I thought drinking lots would make my problems go away.
Now I leave the picture open on my laptop, so I see it every day, and I'm back to my strict routine. Hopefully I can lose those 7kg in time for the new school year or my next photo shoot :(
*rant over*

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo ✨💕
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Tue Jan 10 19:59:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n9mp4/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/ae32fe12276044f2b4193e271f190277?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=7dfec62c8642ccee17c291b73956b19a

---

[Rant/Rave] Not buying any groceries for two weeks, and for probably a dumb reason
/u/BlackHairedBloodElf [5' 2" | CW: 100 | GW: 99 | 18.3 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 18:59:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n9bnl/not_buying_any_groceries_for_two_weeks_and_for/
---
I saved up money to buy something expensive that I've been eyeing for a bit (around $100), and it got stolen within about 3 hours of being dropped off at my front door.

Since I need a replacement quickly, I'm going to have to re-order and take the funds out of my grocery budget this month.

Not exactly the motivator I wanted but I guess I'll take it. :/

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm going to be an adult soon and I've had an ed since I was 11
/u/w-a-m-s
Created: Tue Jan 10 18:47:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n99fe/im_going_to_be_an_adult_soon_and_ive_had_an_ed/
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rant/rave (sorry I'm on mobile)
So basically the title, I'm going to be graduating next year and I have no idea how I'm supposed to deal with taxes, rent, other adult stuff when I can't eat a protein bar without having a breakdown. I don't know who I am without my disorder, although I constantly catch myself telling others the self love schtick. How can I possibly preach self love to others when I post thinspo, knowing how it worsens self-image? I feel like such a hypocrite and I hate it.

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[Rant/Rave] Relapsing [Rant]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 10 18:40:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n984x/relapsing_rant/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Now that I live alone, I can finally put stuff up to help keep me motivated!
/u/Missy_Is_Bitter [5'3"| HW:218| CW:177.4|GW:95 | 23F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 18:32:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n96m9/now_that_i_live_alone_i_can_finally_put_stuff_up/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/310baddaac35423e8242c7a06f55056b?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=3cdf88eff3338b58884ddfce8d05d510

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[Rant/Rave] I hate homemade food made by others. [Rant]
/u/llamadude00
Created: Tue Jan 10 17:57:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n902y/i_hate_homemade_food_made_by_others_rant/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Bing/Purge vs. Restricting
/u/CaityCait88
Created: Tue Jan 10 17:33:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n8vaa/bingpurge_vs_restricting/
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I am currently stuck in a cycle of binging and purging. It is awful, I can stop thinking about food. It soothes me. I do not think that restricting is better but it could be less harmful.

Has anyone moved from B/P to restricting? Again, the end goal would be neither but I'm looking for insight in to how to focus this soothing feeling and control into restricting and not b/p. Any help would be appreciated.

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I got a compliment today!!
/u/TummyRumblz [5'8" | CW:152| LW: 146 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 17:22:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n8t06/i_got_a_compliment_today/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Something bad happens every time I talk myself into eating
/u/cookiecutterhands
Created: Tue Jan 10 17:08:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n8q53/something_bad_happens_every_time_i_talk_myself/
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I ate a plate of spaghetti after not eating anything but half of a burrito in two days, and every time I try to remind myself that it's better to be mentally healthy than thin, the voices tell me that if I eat, bad things other than getting fat will happen. Let me just get to the point.. I went to go purge the spaghetti that I just ate and boom, as I'm bending over to puke, my phone fell out of my pocket and hit the toilet seat, then the floor. My screen is shattered. This is fucking ridiculous.

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[Thinspo] My Favorite KPOP Thinspo~Lizzy Orange Caramel
/u/milkymeow [5'7" | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 17:07:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n8pvp/my_favorite_kpop_thinspolizzy_orange_caramel/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bXvL3rbgJk

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[Other] wtf
/u/mikey-way [5'2 | 114.4 | 21.68 | -16 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 16:20:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n8gfx/wtf/
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i just started tearing up cause im making a character in the sims and i made her the skinniest they can be, and her thighs are so fucking tiny that i just stared at her for a good minute or so and now there are tears in my eyes. wtf, brain?

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[Discussion] MFP calories burned?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 16:17:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n8fxe/mfp_calories_burned/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] I don't even know why I purge
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 10 16:08:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n8dus/i_dont_even_know_why_i_purge/
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I took a two day break then post twice in a row, Whoops.

I've purged for a very long time, Since I was a young child actually. I don't know how or why it started, My parents still talk about the enigma of me often throwing up without appearing sick and wonder what that was about(I wonder what the reaction would be if I told them I did it on purpose as a five year old....)

I haven't done it in a long time, I think I did it once or twice last year during my heavy restriction phase, But it wasn't really a problem.

I don't purge after binging, I don't do it in relation to weight, I do find it oddly calming but that's about it. Yet lately I've just had an urge to do it again, After normal food I normally eat without problem. And I have. No. Idea. Why.

In the sickest way I'm pleased at how easy it is still, but I'm trying not to make it a habit again *sigh* got enough issues

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[Help] Should I buy a new pair of jeans after gaining weight or stick with my old clothes until I lose it again?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 156.6 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 15:29:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n87a8/should_i_buy_a_new_pair_of_jeans_after_gaining/
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I own two pairs of jeans and bought them ~135. I'm sitting at about 150 after the holidays and a few months of emotional distress. The jeans button and luckily are higher waisted to hold things in, I'm uncomfortable. I'm pear-shaped and aware every moment of the massive creature I am.

Part of me says to just keep wearing them until they're comfortable again. But I'm also anxious and self-conscious in them right now. They look normal on me, but the tightness is physical anxiety. My mind says it'll serve as a reminder to not eat, but I also would tend to binge due to anxiety. It feels like buying a bigger size is giving in.

The other part of me says to just buy the next size up and get the gratification of having them loosen up. It feels like admitting failure and I'm torn. I have to wear jeans every single day and feel like an absolute whale right now.

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[Help] How many calories do you absorb from c/s a brownie?
/u/get-it_together [5'3" |160??| UGW 130 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 15:26:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n86nd/how_many_calories_do_you_absorb_from_cs_a_brownie/
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[removed]

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[Help] Need advice on starting a food blog of some sort
/u/radioactiveicedtea [5'3.75"|CW104|18.38|-34|F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 14:50:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n7yfu/need_advice_on_starting_a_food_blog_of_some_sort/
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Ok so recently I have been messing up really bad and I want to get back on track. The weight gain has not been significant enough to be noticed yet (but I refuse to weigh myself at this moment out of fear) and I do not want to wait until it is. I was thinking that a public blog of some sort where I could write about my food intake, thoughts, ect. would really help me. I am not sure what type of media outlet I should use though....what would you recommend? For example should I make a tumblr or something else?Would another site be more appropriate? Thanks, I am open to all suggestions.

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[Rant/Rave] The scale is broken and it's giving me anxiety
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 10 14:05:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n7om2/the_scale_is_broken_and_its_giving_me_anxiety/
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Right now since I'm eating higher than usual I really need reinforcement to make sure it's either the same or slowly going down. So OF COURSE the scale has to break. This morning it said I weighed 127 and then 124 and then it bounced around everywhere going as high as 129 before it started flickering and said 'error'. Since then I've tried changing the batteries, moving it around. But every time it bounces around then says 'error'

*sigh* I can't get a new one or have another one to use, I'll just have to deal without weighing, This isn't going to be fun. But I also wonder if part of my weight jumping around is the scale and not me. Who knows, I just want to know my weight :(

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[Rant/Rave] Failure, and realizing my ed is who I am
/u/charredsouls
Created: Tue Jan 10 13:22:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n7ez0/failure_and_realizing_my_ed_is_who_i_am/
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A few days ago I posted about going two weeks without purging, the longest I had since I started in the summer. Unfortunately, as if the devil himself cursed me, I binged and purged the next day. And the next. And the next. I resisted for 14 days, and the last 3 have shattered my illusion about what my eating disorder is. I truly thought it was a 'phase' that went away, something I would remember only in passing. Of course I still hated myself, my body, the very space I took up with my flesh, but the purging was an outward physical sign I could point to and say: eating disorder!

For some reason, I, and I am sure anybody who struggles with an ed, think that my own feelings are not valid. Anything that goes on in my head is in 'my world'. Anything that occurs outside of it is 'the world'. 'My world' is fantasy, delusion, and my ego. It has to do with my self hatred, my unyielding insecurity with not only who I am but *what* I am: somedays a bag of bones, somedays a whale's corpse. 'My world' is body checks, ripping my hair out from its root, and fretting over whether the baby carrots I just inhaled would cause me to become an obese sofa citizen. 'The world' is where everybody else lives, interacts, and thrives. I observe it, but I don't feel a part of it. It's a place where you say "oh snap" when you gain 5 pounds, not "I will not eat again until this mass is gone."

When I purged, I felt like I was showing the world who I was: BULIMIC. I had a problem, and no amount of mental anguish could change that. In a way, it was comforting because I felt like I finally had 'proof' I had an eating disorder. There was no more wondering if I was 'faking it', or doing it for attention, or whatever crazy thought was the flavor of the day. For almost a decade now I've had severely disordered thoughts about my body and the food I put in it. But, for some reason, when I finally had the signs of someone with an ed, it became real.

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[Thinspo] two themed thinspo albums bc I like to procrastinate
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | cw: cow | gw: calf | 19F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 13:20:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n7emg/two_themed_thinspo_albums_bc_i_like_to/
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@ mods/people let me know if these are getting annoying, but basically I made more thinspo albums bc that's what i do in my free time #normal

[theme: black clothing](http://imgur.com/a/rpCF5) <- includes male bodies !!
[theme: isolated "parts"](http://imgur.com/a/754lB)

enjoy~
hope everyone's lives are going well. and good luck in classes to those of you just starting up again after break like me:')

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[Help] DAE have insulin resistance/pcos?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 147 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 12:08:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n6ym2/dae_have_insulin_resistancepcos/
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I'm really confused as to whether or not restriction is good for insulin sensitivity. Has anyone else previously had insulin sensitivity issues and seen that improve or progress negatively with restriction? my dads a doctor and says if I continue to skip meals and restrict etc my numbers will get worse and while I do have an ed the idea of one day developing diabetes scars me so I feel stuck. any help appreciated

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[Discussion] Anyone here have experiences with weight loss tea/teatoxes?
/u/Chaosncalculation [5'4" | restricting bulimic | -11 (!!!) | F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 11:30:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n6pvx/anyone_here_have_experiences_with_weight_loss/
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[removed]

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[Other] [Update] Freaking out about this pregnancy glucose test
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'6 3/4 | Pregnant so gaining for baby | F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 11:30:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n6pro/update_freaking_out_about_this_pregnancy_glucose/
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OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i6t6o/freaking_out_about_this_pregnancy_glucose_test/?utm_content=title&utm_medium=user&utm_source=reddit&utm_name=frontpage

So I finally did the test today. I was four weeks late, but I did it. The good news is the drink was only 200 calories instead of 300 like I thought.

I restricted to lettuce and ~200 calories of taco meat last night for dinner and then didn't eat again until the test. I had to wait an hour from the time I drank it to the time they took my blood, so I walked for that full hour. I'm accounting for that burning half of the 200 calories. I know the internet says walking will burn more, but I was shopping and stopped to look at things a few times, so I am just counting it as 100 calories to be safe.

I also purged as much as I could after I got the blood test, but that was an hour after I drank it. Quite a bit came out, but because it was so long after, I am only counting it as 25 calories.

For lunch, I'm going to have a semi-safe food (banana maple oatmeal at 160 calories). I say it's semi-safe because the 100 calories pack oatmeal is my actual safe food. I am okay with the extra 60 calories because I restricted at dinner and usually eat 600-800 calories for lunch, so this is still way less than every other day. I may even have a snack later.

Thanks for reading. I know I didn't do perfectly because of the purging and restricting, but I at least did the test.

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[Discussion] Harm reduction tips thread?
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 11:12:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n6lsd/harm_reduction_tips_thread/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] This class will make me vibrate away.
/u/DivingRightIn [72in | don't ask | don't tell | ~47.6 | UGW: 120lbs]
Created: Tue Jan 10 10:38:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n6ebm/this_class_will_make_me_vibrate_away/
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They're making us do food logs during the course for another class member to analyze. The thought of someone analyzing my food... no. Please, no. Please, *GOD*, no.

I started shaking so hard I couldn't take notes.

Time to lie my ass off and pretend I eat a healthy, well balanced diet like a normal human being and don't restrict and binge constantly and drink enough diet soda to erode away a mountain.

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[Help] [Help] I need a buddy.
/u/082616 [5' 6.5"/132/22/F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 09:46:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n62nx/help_i_need_a_buddy/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] My New Thinspo
/u/imnevergold [5'6 | 112 | 18.15 | -15 | F |]
Created: Tue Jan 10 08:53:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n5rbg/my_new_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/voea6e8epw8y.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling like a human beanbag chair
/u/tightballpants [5'9 | 146 | 21.6 | 16 lbs | FtM]
Created: Tue Jan 10 08:41:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n5p0c/feeling_like_a_human_beanbag_chair/
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I wore jeans today that are a little too tight im suddenly very aware of every single thing wrong with my body. Im muffin topping and i hate it. A non scale goal of mine is for these jeans to be loose on me. I can't wait for that day.

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Mother has cancer.. confused
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 10 08:06:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n5i42/mother_has_cancer_confused/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Midnight binge....
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 10 07:19:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n59lb/midnight_binge/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] i feel so exhausted
/u/bvvvg
Created: Tue Jan 10 06:02:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n4wli/i_feel_so_exhausted/
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im so burnt out. and i wish i could just talk with my friends earnestly about it but i know they couldn't handle it. i just feel so stunted. how am i 21 and still fat and disgusting and restricting and purging when i started it all at 14? i was so exhausted and near tears at work the other day that i grabbed the scissors and cut myself again for the first time in probably a year. i really feel like im losing my mind

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[Discussion] How's your sleep cycle?
/u/snail_love [5'6" | BMI 14.? | CW: tiny | GW: spooky skeleton | F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 05:29:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n4r65/hows_your_sleep_cycle/
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Mainly wondering how many of you are as fucked up as I am when it comes to sleep. I think I've noticed that the smaller I get/the more I restrict, the less I sleep. I *hate* the feeling of going to bed full, but unless I have some broth or something in my stomach, I almost inevitably wake up in the wee hours of morning wanting to eat/binge. Overall, I get maybe four or five hours on an average weeknight and around 6-8 on a weekend if I'm drinking. (Which I usually am..)

When I was on Prozac last year, it was the total opposite. I could barely make myself wake up for work, slept 10-12 hours a day.

It's frustrating. No matter how much or how little I sleep, I never wake up refreshed. I'm really sick of sitting awake in my dark house trying to be quiet so my SO won't wake up too. I think the season could have a lot to do with it too, I know I don't get enough sunlight or time outside because it's so damn cold and dark by the time I get off work.

How do y'all sleep? Do you think your ED/meds have an effect on your quantity & quality of sleep?

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A January 10, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jan 10 05:08:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n4odx/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_january_10_2017/
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Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 10, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jan 10 05:08:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n4ocx/daily_food_diary_january_10_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for January 10, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Other] Purged (with intent) for the first time...
/u/nicfrae [5'7 | GW115 | -60lbs | F24]
Created: Tue Jan 10 03:42:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n4dbk/purged_with_intent_for_the_first_time/
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I don't know how to feel. I've been restricting for a long time, and I've always had a fucked up relationship with food but purging was something I never intentionally did. I've been sick from purely binging before, and I've WANTED to purge many a time when I've overeaten but I've never been able to. And today it just happened so quick.
I haven't been weighing since November because I knew that I've been overeating and I was scared to know the damage, but then I realised - much like my bank account - if I'm scared to check it, that means I really should. So I did and I'm up 7 or so lb from Nov. Not the end of the world, except it was, and at that point I NEEDED those granola bars I ate before OUT of my body asap and nothing was going to stop me. I downed a pint of warm salty water and the rest is a blur, and I know its fucked up to feel proud that I finally purged, and I know that purging is awful and I DO NOT want this to become a habit, but on the other hand it was such a revelation that I could just do that - I could eat all the granola bars I want and then, if I don't want them in my body anymore, I can just purge. It seems to good to be true. I know that it is.
I immediately threw out all foods I'm likely to binge on, and therefore not feel the need to purge, and all thats left is fruit and vegetables I hopefully won't feel any guilt about.
Restriction is definitely the way for me. I don't want to purge again. The rush it gave me scares me too much.
If anyone reading this wants to try, please don't.
Strict 500 calories a day from now on for me.

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[Help] Feel like my eyes have betrayed me
/u/prettyvac4nt [5' | -13lb | F]
Created: Tue Jan 10 02:34:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n44ww/feel_like_my_eyes_have_betrayed_me/
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I was semi-okay with my body but for various reasons I gained a few lb over the winter and gave myself permission to be temporarily okay with it. It's a total 6-7lb gain from the summer (this is with water fluctuations etc taken into account, using an app).

I get dressed in front of the mirror every morning but today I took a photo of myself and I was really shocked, I am a lot bigger than I realised. Even though I see myself every day and weigh myself most days so I knew I had gained weight, I didn't realise the different was so big.

It's like I'm seeing myself with new eyes and it's a lot to take in. I feel like my body is not 'me', as silly as that sounds. My first thought was "it's not shaped like me". It's surreal; how did I not see these huge changes happening? I feel like I've been delusional, seeing a thinner body than I actually had.

I feel overwhelmed, talked to a friend about it and she didn't see a problem and said it's only a tiny amount and nothing to be upset over, which was kind but not very reassuring :( Any tips for dealing with this?

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[Thinspo] Thinspo Song - Mako/Smoke Filled Room
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 151lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -14lbs | f]
Created: Tue Jan 10 01:32:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n3xii/thinspo_song_makosmoke_filled_room/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tL1dv6ecRrg

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[Rant/Rave] I broke up with my boyfriend
/u/fiascofiesta [5'7" | 123.4 | 19.26 | 22F]
Created: Mon Jan 9 23:17:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n3fil/i_broke_up_with_my_boyfriend/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Silver Linings
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 144.8 | 20.6 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Mon Jan 9 21:43:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n2zip/silver_linings/
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So I binged yesterday, ate a whole fish taco, fries and pickles, topped it off with a cupcake for some fucking reason. And I hate myself for it and I'm angry I slipped up and today I started reaching for my boyfriend's leftover Hot Cheetos and got angry again.


BUT. The binge yesterday was apparently the turning point for my body. I felt so sick after eating the cupcake, buzzy and gross in the way too much sugar will make you feel. And today when I put the Cheetos in my mouth I didn't taste a great snack or an emotional comfort. I tasted oil, fat, calories, and I spit it all out. I chewed and spit another handful just to prove to myself that I could. So as angry as I am about binging...I'm happy. I'm happy I didn't eat the Cheetos. I'm happy I haven't felt hungry since yesterday. I'm happy my body isn't fighting what I want any more.

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[Discussion] *tmi* Lax farts?
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 147.2 | 22.1 | -3 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 9 21:40:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n2yzi/tmi_lax_farts/
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So I take a bit of laxative every few days just to keep things flowing smooth, I don't think it's enough to upset my system permanently and I don't take more than the recommended dose at a time. BUT WHENEVER I TAKE IT MY FARTS ARE SO BAD LIKE I JUST FARTED ON MY BOYFRIEND AND HE JUMPED OUT OF BED AND CAME BACK AND SPRAYED ME WITH A CAN OF FEBREEZE CAN ANYONE RELATE OR AM I A GASEOUS MESS

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[Other] Lying to my girlfriend
/u/patrokhilles
Created: Mon Jan 9 20:50:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n2ptm/lying_to_my_girlfriend/
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My girlfriend and I both know that the other has some disordered eating problems. It's been established and we help each other through with it. Today, though, I gave up and just lied. When she asked if I had breakfast, I said yes. When she asked if I had lunch, I said yes. Then I had dinner with her since she was more comfortable eating with me and I wanted to be sure she ate. So I only had dinner, but after we ate, she said, "I'm so proud of us. We both ate three meals today". Then later on again, she says "I'm so proud of you". Ouch.

Then as we were moving things around in my car, I picked up a plastic bag and it spilled out. I had like seven empty lax bottles because I'm not too bright and I get scared to throw it away at home in fear of parents finding it and always forget to toss it out somewhere else. Luckily, I was able to shove it all in really quickly and since only two bottles fell out noticeably along with a pad, I just said "period stuff".

I just wanted to vent. Like - I'm lying to my girlfriend and making her proud for no reason. I feel so awful. She's so proud and I don't know how she would feel if I let her know that I'm lying. And if she knew what was in that bag, I know she would be so disappointed. I tell her I don't take lax anymore, but I have two bottles and a box in my glovebox as I type this. All I do is lie.

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[Discussion] Cheap weight loss rewards that work?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 9 20:03:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n2glb/cheap_weight_loss_rewards_that_work/
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Currently in a bad binge cycle which is packing on pounds and killing any self confidence I had. I was using clothes but those are kind of expensive :/

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[Discussion] What's your personality type?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 9 19:22:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n28ke/whats_your_personality_type/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] anyone else trying to work/study with a foggy brain?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 9 19:13:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n26yp/anyone_else_trying_to_workstudy_with_a_foggy_brain/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Anyone here with children? Found an interesting study about food/gender.
/u/gastastic [5'1 | 116.8 | 26F]
Created: Mon Jan 9 18:35:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n1zhc/anyone_here_with_children_found_an_interesting/
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http://rspb.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/275/1643/1661

It's oldish (2008), but says women are more likely to conceive boys when food is plentiful, and less likely when it's not ("Dietary changes may therefore explain the falling proportion of male births in industrialized countries").

So, moms, curious if there is a proportionally higher instance of our offspring being female on r/proed!

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[Rant/Rave] i love prozac
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 139 | GW: 90 | F/18]
Created: Mon Jan 9 18:25:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n1xer/i_love_prozac/
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it's made my appetite nonexistent. i decided to start taking it again, but i stopped therapy and meds last year b/c i hate how much attention i get from it, my family treated me like a depressed freak. i don't even know how much mg it was- i ripped the label off the bottle. too bad i can't get a refill- for multiple reasons. my main one being i don't want to take it if my parents would know. but god it gives me such a fucking high, mostly from the complete loss of appetite. i can focus on other things besides food. i'm gonna miss these pills when i run out.

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[Discussion] My overweight roommate wants me to help her lose weight
/u/frustratedwithfat [F | 5'7" | SW 160, CW 143, GW 123, UGW 113]
Created: Mon Jan 9 18:19:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n1wch/my_overweight_roommate_wants_me_to_help_her_lose/
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I can't imagine anyone will or even should read all of this but I have no idea what to do about this and it's making me sad and telling someone helps regardless.

I love Laura, my roommate. We share the smallest bedroom on earth (didn't know her when I moved in, so that was kinda awkward) and have fun talking and hang out together nightly with a bunch of other people who live in our shared house.

Laura has been overweight for, as I understand it, a long time. Her mother bullied her about her weight for years (that is so outlandishly evil to me). She's tried a couple of times to lose weight but never really committed and wants to do it now because her doctor informed her that she's at risk for diabetes.

Laura knows I've lost 40+ lbs multiple times in my life, and that I was seriously ill and gained 10lbs last month that I'm now working off. She wants me to help her.

Issues:

* I know how much it hurts to be overweight. I would have loved tips from someone who knew what to do. I could help her feel good about herself; she's my friend.

* But what do I say? That I eat just one small meal a day in the evenings when everyone's home and pretend I ate a lot earlier? Do I tell her how to EC Stack? Do I show her how to drop water weight so you can temporarily look a few pounds lighter for a special event? Do I show her Diet Coke + cigarettes?
Of COURSE not. I could never live with myself if I brought her into this. But I can't tell her, I just don't want to tell you anything. She'd be like, what the hell?

* And, ok. Please don't judge me because I feel like this makes me a terrible person, but it stresses me out to watch her flounder in vain. She's starting a juice cleanse- an obviously stupid one that is going to make her gain AND raise her blood sugar sky-high which is a terrible idea if she's prediabetic. But she now microwaves platters of doritos to melt 8oz of shredded cheese on top. And it makes me uncomfortable because the idea of eating those calories makes me kinda scared, even though it's not me. And it makes me sad for her because I've been in her position, basically just trying to find an "easy" way forever and just being more and more frustrated and hating myself.

I mean, I bet I could show her what I eat (under the guise of it being a "snack," because, you know, it's actually a meal for me), but I can't suggest she swap out the dorito nachos for pear slices or for a mug of one of my favorite super-low-calorie broths. But I know from experience you can't be someone's willpower for them, and I worry she'd be embarrassed AND wouldn't be able to switch what foods she eats anyway.

I can't just evade her questions forever. What on earth do I do?

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[Help] Feeling Trapped in Treatment
/u/zyfx [5'9" | 141 | +35.4 | M]
Created: Mon Jan 9 17:32:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n1msw/feeling_trapped_in_treatment/
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My depression has gotten steadily worse over the past year, my eating disordered behaviours increasing to cope with it after having been somewhat in check for a couple of years. Life really went off the rails over the past six months, and I entered outpatient treatment in mid-September.

In late October I went back to heavy restriction and began losing weight rapidly, and the OP team threatened to stop treating me if wouldn't consider a higher level of care. None of the local PHP programs would have me and pushed me to start in residential before stepping down. I took their advice and think I've made a huge mistake.

I've been in res for six weeks now and feel trapped. The program is not helping with the ED, and being here and forced to eat is deepening the depression and anxiety I was trying to fix by treating the ED!

I realise now I'm not in a position or the right mindset to pursue recovery, and that my focus really needs to be on harm reduction in an outpatient setting.
Unfortunately due to perceived suicide risk, I can't discharge against medical advice, and they're threatening me with an inpatient stay or another NG tube if I stop eating.

Anyone been in a similar position and have input? Should I try to discharge AMA and just bear the psych ward for a few days, try and transfer to another treatment centre, or consider something else entirely?

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[Discussion] anyone else here comfort eat??
/u/leatherhoff [5"3 | 130 | nb]
Created: Mon Jan 9 17:31:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n1mob/anyone_else_here_comfort_eat/
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ive noticed recently i do tend to eat when i dont feel great. which is strange because there are many times when i feel bad about my body/weight/calorie intake for that day so i eat in an attempt to feel better. its mostly just counterproductive and i usually end up going for sweets or junk food which just makes things worse.

anyone else do this? i feel kinda like it invalidates all of my other ED stuff so id like some reassurance that im not alone

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[Help] Waking up drenched in sweat [help]
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Mon Jan 9 16:58:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n1fgf/waking_up_drenched_in_sweat_help/
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For about a month now I have been completely unable to sleep through the night. Recently,I've started waking up (always at almost exactly 4 am) drenched in sweat, heart racing and ravenous. Sometimes I can ignore the hunger, but tonight I ate a few almonds.
I looked it up and people are mentioning something about hypermetablism or refeeding syndrome but I've been restricting to max 1000 calories for weeks now.
The only major changes I have made are allowing myself fruit again (i was feeling faint during the day and I heard green apples help) and running 3-4 miles around 3 times a week. I have also been having really terrible headaches during the day.

Has this happened to anyone else? Do you know what it could be?

On mobile, sorry for formatting/no flair.

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[Rant/Rave] I'M GOING VEGAN!!
/u/MissMagus
Created: Mon Jan 9 16:55:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n1et5/im_going_vegan/
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I'm so excited. I've always been primarily vegetarian, but I used to partake in meat from time to time at family gatherings.

I'm done. I feel guilty everytime, and I'm just done. I've been restricting hard lately, and have cut out so much stuff...so why not animal products completely? If I can cut out carbs, sugar, and all the other shit I refuse to eat....then I should be able to do this with ease. I eat a lot of eggs though...that's the one thing I think I'll struggle with. Sunny side up eggs specifically.

I would also like a healthy diet to maintain once I finally get my body where I want it, and I think this is a good opportunity.

I'm just excited and wanted to tell someone haha. My roommates are all carnivores so I know they'd just make fun of me.

Any recipe suggestions or advice or anything would be wonderful!

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[Rant/Rave] I have the will power of a corpse
/u/tightballpants [5'9 | 146 | 21.6 | 16 lbs | FtM]
Created: Mon Jan 9 16:54:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n1epr/i_have_the_will_power_of_a_corpse/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Rant-kinda
/u/borrow_our_light [5'7| 134.4lbs | 21.78 BMI | -27.2lbs | F | GW 115]
Created: Mon Jan 9 16:10:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n14td/rantkinda/
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I spent this past weekend with my family since it was my last week before classes started up again and I could get off work. Now some background my father is severely overweight to the point that it is taking a serious toll on his health, my mother is slightly overweight, my sister and I are as average as they come, and my brother is 40 pounds underweight. My father went on and on this weekend about how he's gonna loose 100 pounds in 6 months, and even at that statement I was like "in your dreams maybe".

After having a pretty long day my dad decided that he would take us out to dinner, now this was after only eating 3 hours ago and he ate a little more than an average portion of everything. When we went to Panera I didn't get anything because my parents know I'm very strict about not eating anything after 7. My father then proceeds to devour a bowl of broccoli cheddar soup and a baguette and a half of my brothers avocado sandwich.

I think I figured out why my siblings and I have issues when it comes to food.

Sorry on mobile can't flair

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My parents are back on their diet
/u/erilaz- [5'7 | CW: 160 | GW: 110 | -60lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jan 9 15:08:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n0r1q/my_parents_are_back_on_their_diet/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] "Oh you're young it's your metabolism"
/u/milkymeow [5'7" | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 9 14:42:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n0kyx/oh_youre_young_its_your_metabolism/
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My mom and her friend were talking about needing to lose weight and were like "oh lets get gym memberships". I said losing weight is mostly diet and that I lost all my weight just eating better (and restricting but didn't mention that).

My mom's friend goes on a rant saying how young people have it easier because of their metabolism and they have to work harder. Like no bitch. You need to quit guzzling down the soda and eating like crap. My "metabolism" didn't make me lose weight! Going to bed hungry every night and restricting is what made me lose weight.

They think going to a gym and shelling out money is going to help them lose weight. People are so delusional and won't give up their crappy diets and wonder why they're fat. /End rant sorry guys

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[Rant/Rave] I cut my finger today while chopping carrots
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Mon Jan 9 14:16:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n0fam/i_cut_my_finger_today_while_chopping_carrots/
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All I could think about was how many calories I was burning. I bled for like a good fifteen minutes, then it opened again and another five minutes ensued. There was blood on my carrots, but I was raving on the inside.

What in the actual fuck is wrong with me? I would probably suck dick to burn extra calories lol.

I'm on mobile/Give me the rant flair

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[Other] bingeing and adhd... (long stupid emotional bullshit)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 9 14:15:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n0f3h/bingeing_and_adhd_long_stupid_emotional_bullshit/
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[deleted]

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Favourite gym workout routines?
/u/Cosmoflower [168cm | 152lbs| 24.43 | 19lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jan 9 13:33:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n05e9/favourite_gym_workout_routines/
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[removed]

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[Help] Liquid fasts
/u/Someone_Who_Isnt_You
Created: Mon Jan 9 13:30:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5n04rx/liquid_fasts/
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[removed]

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[Help] I can buy bronkaid now! so - how?
/u/ITDIDNTHAPPENISWEA-
Created: Mon Jan 9 12:49:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mzva5/i_can_buy_bronkaid_now_so_how/
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[removed]

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My dad, who started my body consciousness, commented on how "thin" and "in shape" I look after weeks of 900 & under calorie restriction
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 9 12:42:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mztlw/my_dad_who_started_my_body_consciousness/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] Avril Lavigne <3
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|104|18.9|F]
Created: Mon Jan 9 12:38:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mzssw/avril_lavigne_3/
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http://imgur.com/a/6NYly

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Glucomannan?
/u/throwaway_cannotstay
Created: Mon Jan 9 12:24:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mzpkx/glucomannan/
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[removed]

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[Help] Question of the Day.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Jan 9 09:40:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5myoi1/question_of_the_day/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] 168.4// daily thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Jan 9 09:39:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5myobo/1684_daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/d5a352750f704a05ae4ce50c0b24cc46?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=324bd0c60f8bdd6045d2d298610dda1e

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[Help] Anyone know why I'm getting cramped up after eating??
/u/nobutlisten [5'5 | CW: 101.0 | GW: lol | BMI: 16.8 | F 25 👽]
Created: Mon Jan 9 09:15:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5myj20/anyone_know_why_im_getting_cramped_up_after_eating/
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To summarize, yesterday I binged on chili and healthy-ish foods then purged, but knew I didn't get everything out and was okay with that. Then I exercised, went for a long walk, and before bed I had hot tea and my magnesium supplement.

Now today I have gotten bad cramps after eating breakfast then having my mid morning coffee. Does this happen to anyone? Anyone know why??


Mobile; flair Help.

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[Discussion] Triggers? Motivation?
/u/electille [5'7 | 123 | 19.2 | ?]
Created: Mon Jan 9 08:54:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mye9z/triggers_motivation/
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Basically... why do we all do this to ourselves?

Hallucinations are few and far between when I don't eat, and my bouts of anger are greatly lessened. Emotions and fear are dulled. I get lightheaded and content.

It's good.

How about you guys?

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[Rant/Rave] Fuck eating, I'm never gonna be "sexy".
/u/electille [5'7 | 123 | 19.2 | ?]
Created: Mon Jan 9 08:37:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5myanz/fuck_eating_im_never_gonna_be_sexy/
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I'm never going to fit into what society likes, I'm always going to feel uncomfortable and gross and disgusting and nobody likes me.

So, like, whatever. Fuck eating for looking good again. It's irreparable.

Not eating makes me happy and like my body just a bit more, so. Yeah. Idk.

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[Help] [help] no period and cysts? Possible NSFW
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 9 08:36:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5myaio/help_no_period_and_cysts_possible_nsfw/
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Last time I didn't have my period for a few months I developed a sizable cyst on my ovary and it was super painful.

Once again I'm missing my periods and I'm getting the same pain I felt last time, and I'd reeaaally rather not have that happen again, but no period means I'm winning at my ED. However, if it is another cyst, it's possible it can get big enough to burst and take out the ovary.

I've learned that they're normal and happen to a lot of woman but the body gets rid of them through their period.

Help :(

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[Help] [help] no period and cysts? Possible NSFW
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 9 08:36:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5myail/help_no_period_and_cysts_possible_nsfw/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] "Perfect size"??
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Mon Jan 9 08:06:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5my4lh/perfect_size/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] What are your Favorite Teas?
/u/possiblycurious [5'5"| 133| -17lbs| F]
Created: Mon Jan 9 07:54:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5my224/what_are_your_favorite_teas/
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I have a cabinet full of tea & I'm always anxious to try new/ more.

I recently picked up an herbal apple cider tea from the David's tea company. It's amazing. It's a little sweet tasting (no sweetener), so I feel like I'm getting away with something.

Other than that I love:

Prince Vladimir- Kusmi Tea (all time favorite)


Anastassia- Kusmi Tea


Tazo- Chai *


White Rose Tea- Numi *


Gypsi Black Rose Tea*

Loose leaf lavender + Chamomile *


Jasmine Pearl - Peet's coffee

Paris- Harney & Sons

Earl Grey- Taylor's of Harrogate

Ginger Pear- Trader Joes*


Costco Sencha Tea from Japan is pretty good as I recall.

[* to mark organic]

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[Discussion] Motivational songs
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Mon Jan 9 06:11:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mxkfo/motivational_songs/
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I'm making a playlist for myself right now to listen to when I want to binge, when I need motivation, when I'm celebrating for losing, or when I've gained and I feel like dying. It's hard to describe their genre, but maybe indie rock would be the most fitting for what I personally listen to. Arctic Monkeys, The Strokes & The Neighborhood are my absolute favorites right now. Are there any songs or playlists you listen to in the mornings or just throughout your day to keep you going?

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! January 09, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jan 9 05:13:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mxbus/weekly_stats_update_january_09_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for January 09, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 09, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jan 9 05:13:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mxbua/daily_food_diary_january_09_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for January 09, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] tumblrs?!
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 151lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -14lbs | f]
Created: Mon Jan 9 02:41:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mwtb8/tumblrs/
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tumblr is such a good way of keeping insp and such, i was wondering if anyone wants to follow one another?
my thinspo/ed thoughts/rambling/pretty aesthetic-y tumblr is http://cucumber-gin.tumblr.com/
if i follow you back you'll get a follow from siwanglish!
lets er ---- network? i guess? idk? <3

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[Rant/Rave] Intro and rant
/u/Newthrowyaccount [5'2 | CW: ugh | CGW: 120 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 9 01:08:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mwin8/intro_and_rant/
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Hi! I've lurked on here for a while now but haven't posted yet. I love how supportive you guys are though, it's really great :)

Intro: I was pretty happy with my weight and was maintaining at college (first semester freshman). I have a big problem with secret binge eating, and it helps a lot when your roommate never leaves the room so you're never alone to binge eat, like it or not... (Seriously, she never leaves. It helps with my bingeing but is annoying otherwise)
Then I go home for break and its binge eat all the holiday cookies, all the chips my dad likes, all the snack food my mom buys for me, all the leftovers, all the ice cream, ugh. I have no self control. If food is in front of me, I will eat it. My mom buys tons of snacks whenever she's at the grocery store, and do I have the self control to just ignore them and not eat them? Of course not... I bring it all up to my room and eat it. I definitely gained *at least* 5 pounds but honestly probably like 7-10 or more. I dont have a scale to weigh myself, for good or bad, I would probably cry

Rant: I went back to college (so happy, much easier to control binges when I'm not around food where I live all day) and see my friend, and he comments my boobs are bigger and he can tell I gained weight. And says he notices it in my face too!! WTF. I know I gained weight but to see it in my face?!?! I thought it was all in my stomach and thighs where it usually sits. I'm definitely freaking out.

I'm so happy I'm back in college. I can control my binges, walk everywhere I need to go, and lose this weight. I actually feel like I eat healthier at college than I do at home, lol. And I guess I have motivation now from my friend's comments... Ugh. Why did you have to say you saw it in my face?! So paranoid now that everyone else can see it too

Anyway, thats my intro and rant. I hope everyone has a good day

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[Rant/Rave] I get SUPER obsessive/anxious when my ED symptoms get worse and I'm having crazily irrational anxiety
/u/onlyroom_forthin [5'6.5 | CW:158.6 | 25. 22 | SW:170 | UGW:120 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 8 23:36:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mw6ug/i_get_super_obsessiveanxious_when_my_ed_symptoms/
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I NEVER used to get anxiety, but in the last year I feel like suddenly I have crazy anxiety and obsessive thoughts. I don't let it control my life (ex: I moved 900 miles away from home last summer which was terrifying and I cried most of the drive, but I did it and it was worth it) but it still sucks to have to try to calm myself down every time something important is happening.

Lately I've been really anxious about my boyfriend dying. We are in our mid-twenties and he has no health problems, but I'm entering the medical field and am seeing all these crazy things that can happen. And my dad died at only like 5 years older than we are now and I think that freaks me out. I also get nervous about my cat. I had two and one died this summer before the move. I am now OBSESSIVE about the remaining cat. I get nervous about doors in general because an exterior door might open (how? by magic, I guess) and he could get out, or he might get locked in a room without food and water. Literally all the doors in our house give me anxiety. DOORS. It would be hilarious if it wasn't so fucking irritating. None of these things are real problems, or at least problems I can control, but I still manage to FREAK OUT about them.

I get anxious and then I want to stress eat but I also want to stay under 800 cals per day (which is SO not happening today and I hate myself for it) which then makes me more anxious and BLEH. I hate my depression, but I think this anxiety might be worse. Now I'm binge eating an entire bag of potato chips and I don't even care. Maybe I just won't eat tomorrow.

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Saw old photos or me about a year and a half ago. Makes me want to lose weight
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Sun Jan 8 23:04:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mw24x/saw_old_photos_or_me_about_a_year_and_a_half_ago/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Ughhhh (mobile no flair Rant/Rave)
/u/LittleBlackHeart8 [5'7" | cw:124 | gw:115 | 19.7 | -31lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jan 8 22:42:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mvypw/ughhhh_mobile_no_flair_rantrave/
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Standing around with coworkers the other day, and we were complaining about stuff. They start complaining about their diets and gaining weight over the holidays, I join in complaining about all the holiday food everywhere (family dinners and get together etc;) and they laughed and were like, whatever you're like this big **holds up hand with forefinger and thumb almost touching** they were acting like I don't have issues with that crap just because I'm not that fat anymore.
Yeah bitches, I'm like "this big" because I don't gorge myself every day on crap like you guys, but I still struggle with weight gain. Plus dieting and exercise and actually sticking to it is hard af. People act like it's a breeze to lose 30-something pounds in less than a year. I hate that shit. They act like I'm not one to talk. It's hard work!...Does crap like that annoy anyone else?

---

[Rant/Rave] So I tried normal... Rant/panic
/u/miss_morticia [5'10" | cw: 146 | gw: 105 | 20.90 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 8 20:10:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mv90s/so_i_tried_normal_rantpanic/
---
Okay. So I'd been stressing about my new job and traveling for the holidays, etc. I thought with all these distractions it would be the perfect time to be "normal". Use my brain energy on something other than my usual obsession (food).

That blew up in my face. I just saw a photo of myself and I look like a mammoth. Cue panic attack, cue frantic weighing and learning I've gained 8 pounds. 8. 8.

I've been trying to eat normal but I don't know what normal is and I'm so fat and I can't update my flair because I don't want that number attached to me.
FML.

Why do I ever fucking try? I've done this before and I know how it ends, I can't be "normal". Fffffffff.

I can't even stand to look in the mirror, I feel like a bad person. So much guilt. How could I let this happen. How.

---

[Goal] New quarter/semester goals
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 8 19:40:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mv3fl/new_quartersemester_goals/
---
[deleted]

---

Curious
/u/mstamp8790
Created: Sun Jan 8 19:22:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mv01c/curious/
---
[removed]

---

[Thinspo] 169//Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun Jan 8 18:42:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mus4r/169daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/025ade37210d470b9215d0a5f975a4d3?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=2b8973d832662b27d491a6de6589e71d

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[Goal] bought some clothes today that were way too small...
/u/imelancholy [5'4" | CW: 145 | LW: 141 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 8 18:41:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mus0b/bought_some_clothes_today_that_were_way_too_small/
---
...as motivation!
S/XS from American Apparel because they were cute and cheap AF (I love you AA, please survive <3). I probably can't fit a thigh in one let alone by whole body but's it's great motivation to wake up to in the morning.
I haven't purged a single time this year so far, and...only binged yesterday on my little sister's birthday party...but I didn't eat any sweets!
I'm making progress. I just need to cut back. I am slowly getting better but...admittedly not ready to fully do it the healthy way. I can't eat full meals it'll get out of control. But I am getting better. Maybe I'll get there one day. Just looking for that XS body for now...

---

[Thinspo] Lilly Collins - just discovered my new thinspo
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 8 18:34:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5muqpi/lilly_collins_just_discovered_my_new_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/727e16095f464940961af4faef4ceedf?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=b068f7fa0d106bfa37bf9ad1734904f8

---

Who is your instagram idol?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 8 18:33:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5muqjn/who_is_your_instagram_idol/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Unable to "function" over a certain weight?
/u/NindeNehima [5'2" | 88 | 16.67| 24F | GW: dead]
Created: Sun Jan 8 18:21:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5muo06/unable_to_function_over_a_certain_weight/
---
Friday was my birthday. I was 86 lbs that morning, but I ate a lot.

Next day I was 91 lbs. I was barely able to move yesterday, I was in bed all day, finally got up at 7 pm, had some wine and went back to bed by 10. The same thing was happening to me today, I just couldn't get myself to move, to do anything. When I finally reweighed myself I was 89.9 lbs. That was enough motivation for me to go to the gym for two hours, take my first shower in several days and debate possibly having more than wine for dinner.

Does anyone else have a number on the scale that if they see it they can't function anymore?

I did not realize that seeing over 90 would mess with me so much until I spent an entire weekend in bed fixated on it.

---

[Help] I have no clue how to talk to people about this stuff.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 8 18:19:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5munql/i_have_no_clue_how_to_talk_to_people_about_this/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My roommate is recovered and I'm in such a weird spot
/u/x-ko [5'5" | 112.5 | 18.9 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 8 16:54:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mu6dk/my_roommate_is_recovered_and_im_in_such_a_weird/
---
Like the title says, my roommate confided in me that she used to be bulimic. I told her I had struggled with obsessive calorie counting in the past but played it off like it had happened years ago.

Anyways that was before we moved in together. Now here I sit after meticulously counting out my dinner calories and scolding my husband for trying to add extra cheese to our dish, and she's happily eating French fries and a chocolate shake.

Why? Why can't I be like that? Eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, go out for ice cream, not cry myself to sleep, not yell at my husband for trying to help in the kitchen. Just be normal, eat until I'm full and not until I want to throw up or not at all.

I don't even want to recover I just want to drink black coffee and pop bronkaids all day.

I'm just in such a weird spot seeing her everyday, seeing everything seems fine, seeing her have a chocolate bar or a bowl of noodles and knowing she's been in the same place I am now but is just ...??? okay?

I feel weird.

---

[Discussion] What got you into your ED?
/u/ketogirl98
Created: Sun Jan 8 16:47:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mu4y6/what_got_you_into_your_ed/
---
Hi there!

I just got to thinking about the start of my ED. For me personally it started this summer when I did a huge cut for a competition. I restricted my calories and my carbs.

Mind sharing how it all started for you, if you know? :)

xoxo

---

[Intro] Hi, I'm new here and have ednos, just a story...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 8 16:12:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mtxh2/hi_im_new_here_and_have_ednos_just_a_story/
---
I've had an ED for like a decade almost. It started in high school where I got to 83 pounds. I still thought I looked normal but they put me in a recovery house and I gained 20lb in a month. I was still very thin though and was happy I could eat a lot of food. Then I went to college and semi relapsed, and tried recovering on my own. I only stuck to 1500 cals a day though to maintain my weight. In 2012 I lost it and put on 25lbs, sunk into a depression, and got the full on ED again and got to 93lbs. Went into recovery again, gained to a healthy weight, and kept gaining and gaining. I think because I felt I had a right to eat more after all that starving. Got to a high weight of being overweight and depressed as fuck staying inside doing nothing for literally a year. Finally went on a diet and got back to my original high school weight in 2015 and have been maintaining on a good amount but still look chubby. I feel like I can be completely honest here which is good and bad...I think I'm too fat to even consider posting here. And I eat way too much.

So here I am, I have a sort of diet plan but I know I can't relapse because my metabolism will be royally fucked if I do that one more time. My biggest problem is I don't know what to do with the time I'm not eating. In spite of having "recovered" physically I still obsess over food all day long. My hobbies are looking through my cookbooks and bookmarking restaurants on yelp and writing down everything I want to eat there. It's pathetic.

---

[Tip] Cavolo Nero kale is love
/u/ResurrectionOfMarion
Created: Sun Jan 8 14:20:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mta9q/cavolo_nero_kale_is_love/
---
Today I broke my fast with a mini "roast dinner", so I had loads of cauliflower mustard mash (43kcal) a whole bunch of Cavolo Nero (48 kcal) two weight watchers sausages(140kcal but just ate one so 70kcal) a big Yorkshire pudding (90) half a big stalk of broccoli(25kcal) Asparagus tips (46) and onion gravy (22kcal), it was sooooo big (like literally a stacked high plate) and I feel ridiculously full.

Anyway getting to the point lol, I would 100% recommend Cavolo Nero (Italian kale type leaf) it's so low cal and actually really tasty and the best thing is it doesnt shrink as much as other cabbage-y foods so you get a whole lot for basically no calories. I boiled it, drained it and then sauteed it with lemon juice and salt and it was to die for !!!!

Starting a liquid Fast now until Saturday Afternoon (he has a gig in the night so will probably have some soup beforehand so I am not a drink embarrassment ;) Aiming for 100 hours at least so wish me luck.

Anybody else fasting this week?

---

[Discussion] Exercisers: do you ever feel like your body is falling apart?
/u/toadally-grody [174.5cm / 47.9 / 15.7 / maintaining / F]
Created: Sun Jan 8 13:51:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mt42c/exercisers_do_you_ever_feel_like_your_body_is/
---
Part of my disorder is exercise addiction. I cycle to work, clocking up 80 miles per week up and down hills, and do lots on the weekend too - either a park fitness circuits/bums tums n thighs type thing or go for a run. I average 9k in a weekend.

Recently I've been having terrible knee problems. It hurts towards the end of my runs, I can't lunge properly. The are isn't noticeably swollen but I swear it feels warm underneath the skin. My shin on that side feels like it's splitting too.

But I CAN'T STOP RUNNING AND EXERCISING.

Does joint wear and tear happen quicker/worse if you're on a restrictive diet? Tell me your experiences and offer help!

---

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Goals 👌👌👌
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 8 13:38:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mt19l/goals/
---
http://imgur.com/LxgCamS

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[Rant/Rave] I hate my friend.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 8 13:27:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5msyu7/i_hate_my_friend/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Low cal crockpot recipes?
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 8 13:09:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5msuz3/low_cal_crockpot_recipes/
---
Anybody have any good ones? All the ones I find online are like 300 per serving.... also not sure how to flair this, I guess discussion? On mobile

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[Tip] Strawberries are the perfect binge food!!
/u/llamadude00
Created: Sun Jan 8 13:06:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5msufy/strawberries_are_the_perfect_binge_food/
---
4 calories per strawberry! It's amazing, 4 calories for something that tastes like a piece of candy and is good for you. It's absolutely amazing. I know what I'm getting from the store from now on!

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Someone tell me I will lose weight from fasting
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 8 13:05:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5msu5s/someone_tell_me_i_will_lose_weight_from_fasting/
---
[removed]

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Guys, I found a weight loss tip that's guaranteed to work 100% of the time!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 8 12:40:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5msouj/guys_i_found_a_weight_loss_tip_thats_guaranteed/
---
http://i.imgur.com/fJd6NOQ.jpg

---

[Goal] Beating yourself up only takes you farther away from your goal
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Sun Jan 8 12:11:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5msisk/beating_yourself_up_only_takes_you_farther_away/
---
I've gotten into the habit of beating myself up for gaining weight, which ultimately led me to go through cycles of restricting, binging and putting myself down. I remember going through something similar years back, except for the fact that I strived to accept my body the way it was. Although I wasn't happy, I at least did not go through a vicious cycle of restricting and binging. I've recently started to start being kinder to myself again. I honestly hate what I see in the mirror. I can tell that I gained weight and I'm forming a muffin top, which I haven't had since a year ago or so. But I know that giving into my critical thoughts will only make me go down a slippery slope. So instead of mainly doing this for weight loss, I want to do it for my health. I'm just trying to take one step at a time. It'll be better for me in the end.

---

[Rant/Rave] Stuck in the cycle... I'm sure you can relate somewhat.
/u/unempty [5'2 | HBMI: 25 | CBMI ~20. | GBMI: <16 | ⚧]
Created: Sun Jan 8 11:52:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5msesk/stuck_in_the_cycle_im_sure_you_can_relate_somewhat/
---
[Note: I get very ramble-y here and I'm pretty sure my BPD is showing. Warning for violent/graphic text, self-harm and suicide. Feel free to delete this mods if it's not appropriate.]

I don't know what I'm aiming for by writing this, I just need to get it out of my system. I'm desperately sad and I don't know where to turn. I don't necessarily need advice or anything, just to know people have heard me and I'm not alone.

I have been stuck in this god forsaken binge/purge cycle for too fucking long. When my ED first developed and it was purely restrictive (with a little bit of ""healthy"" exercise thrown in) I lost 35 lbs fairly quickly which was awesome and brought be down into the healthy BMI category instead of overweight. As I am sure no-one is surprised to hear, my mental health isn't all that great but it only continued to become worse from then on. I began obsessively exercising and bingeing. I'd fast and then binge. I'd purge through laxatives and binge and binge and binge again. There was a brief couple of days where I even nailed purging through vomiting my food up (as sick as it is I was proud of myself) and then I, surprise surprise, binged again.

I've since forgotten/unlearned how to trigger my gag reflex and bring my food back up and my depression has kicked my ass meaning leaving the house is virtually impossible, let alone doing and exercise which doesn't include scaling the stairs in my house to the fridge. I still fucking eat. I have no self control to fast for any valuable length of time, I can only restirictbingerestrictbingerestrictbingebingebinge and then abuse laxatives until my body caves in and I eat again. I'm not even gaining weight (or rather I *am* but slower than I can lose it again) which is the stupidest thing, I cancel it out and vice versa every week, losing and gaining and losing and gaining the same 1, 2, 3 pounds over and over again. It makes me want to tear my hair out. Who doesn't?

I just want to be thinner than I am so I can be the same angry, sad, worthless sack of shit I am now but at least with a flat stomach and skinny legs to be envious of. I want people to finally give me attention or care about me or at least hate me so much that they want to snap me between their fucking disgusting hands and play with the pieces. I want to properly cry or scream or somethingsomethingSOMETHING. I want to fucking feel something other than food sliding down my throat. I can't do this anymore. I can't recover because I'm not sick enough for recovery to make any difference, I can't seem to get thinner. I'm getting closer and closer to the realisation that the only way I can stop this, stop all of this noise and shit inside my head, is to kill myself and I'm not even sad about that anymore. I don't think I ever was sad about it, you know? It's just the way it is and the way it always will be.

---

[Tip] Expiration Date App
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 114 | HW 180 | LW 107 | 29 F]
Created: Sun Jan 8 11:14:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ms6t8/expiration_date_app/
---
So, I don't know if anyone is like me, but I feel pressured to eat what is about to expire (or has already expired), which can throw me off my goals. I downloaded an app that helps keep track of everything by expiration date. I guess it's just another way to fuel my food obsession, but I love it. It's given me a lot of peace of mind that I'm not letting food go to waste. That's something that even a healthy person could use, I think. So I just thought I'd provide that heads up/tip since it's helping me a lot. :) Plus it's nice to have a master list of the whole kitchen.

There are probably a dozen out there, but this is the one I got and it works reasonably well for my needs and preferences:
"Pantry Manager: Shopping list and grocery management by MJ Lyco LLC"
https://appsto.re/us/nJoHE.i

(Edited: typos)

---

[Other] Amazing week!
/u/failingshit [170 cm | 61.8 kg | CGW: 55 kg ]
Created: Sun Jan 8 10:13:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mruv6/amazing_week/
---
I noticed my collarbones coming back up, I went from 138 lbs to 133,8 lbs in 8 days, I'm doing a lot of exercise and actually enjoying it, and I only had one 800 calorie 'binge'!

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[Rant/Rave] God damn fucking couscous
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 59.7 | GW: < 57 | 19.95/19.72 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 8 09:25:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mrlin/god_damn_fucking_couscous/
---
I was doing so well today. Happy chugging tea and watching youtube. Then I get a bit peckish and find a packet of couscous in the pantry. Look up the calories real quick and it says 112 kcal/100 g. Holy fucking shit yes! Throw in some dried mushrooms and half a beef bouillon and I have plenty of food.

Later I was going to look the calories for something I was planning this week and realize I was looking at the calories for 100 g of couscous *cooked*. Not dry, which is the amount I made.

376 FUCKING CALORIES! FUCK ME!! 400 calories for a meal I DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING NEED! Fuck this fucking shit...

---

[Help] Lifters - is it normal to experience DOMS for longer periods of time while restricting vs eating normally?
/u/star-of-morning [5'1" | no clue | went to treatment | send help]
Created: Sun Jan 8 08:30:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mrbwg/lifters_is_it_normal_to_experience_doms_for/
---
So I had upper body day on Thursday. It's now Sunday and my triceps are still super sore. I didn't eat on Wednesday or Thursday. Friday I had 390 calories and yesterday I had 300 calories. I haven't lifted or worked out since Thursday because Friday and Saturday I rode my horse and since I'm restricting pretty low, I needed to conserve my energy for horse riding on Friday and Saturday since I have a competition today.

Before I relapsed last year I was dieting (1200-1400 calories/day) and lifting, but DOMS would go away within 36 hours.

Any tips for shortening the period of soreness? Should I try upping my protein/calories overall? Looking back at it now, I totally should have had a protein shake after lifting on Thursday but I didn't want to break my fast.

---

[Help] Skipping meals/fasting with roommate, help?
/u/DivingRightIn [72in | don't ask | don't tell | ~47.6 | UGW: 120lbs]
Created: Sun Jan 8 07:39:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mr3uc/skipping_mealsfasting_with_roommate_help/
---
Hey all.
I'm moving back to college today, my friend is also my roommate...
Do you guys know how to restrict/fast when you've got a person like right there?

She likes to eat lunch and dinner together which was fine when I wasn't trying to skip lunch, but here I am only eating one meal a day at dinner time.

I'm freaking out a bit... :(

---

[Discussion] What is your (alcoholic) drink of choice?
/u/shattered_self [5'8" | 113 | 17 | 25M]
Created: Sun Jan 8 07:09:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mqzhf/what_is_your_alcoholic_drink_of_choice/
---
Back when I was chubby, I loved craft beer. (coincidence? I think not). Past couple years has been whiskey + diet. Lately I have been avoiding diet soda so I have been into tequila + soda. I usually mix them tall with extra lime. So refreshing!

Disordered drinkers, what is YOUR drink of choice?

---

[Help] I'm TERRIFIED of weighing myself after letting my other illnesses take over for so long...
/u/PizzaInMyUrethra [5'5" | CW: INSANE | GW1: 150 | 24F]
Created: Sun Jan 8 07:08:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mqzbz/im_terrified_of_weighing_myself_after_letting_my/
---
Hi I'm new here...I used to frequent PrettyThin back in the day, I'd KILL to be anywhere near what I was back then.

Over three years I've gotten fatter and fatter due to poor mental health, hospitalisation, medication...It's hard to keep your weight steady when you're lying in bed all day for months on end. I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and 'quiet' BPD.

I'm fucking TERRIFIED of weighing myself. I know it's not good. I know it's A LOT more than it was. I don't know what to do, to think that my old weight used to cripple me, how the fuck will I cope now? I've considered ending my life over this, I'm just so ASHAMED to leave the house, wear decent clothes, even get in the shower.

I have no energy and just lie in bed all day when I don't have to work. The slightest upset holds me back for hours on end, I hate to think how something as major as my current weight would affect me.

Any help or tips would be SO great, I can't take this anymore.

Lots of love to you all xxx

---

[Rant/Rave] Fought with Husband about dinner.
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Sun Jan 8 07:06:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mqz3q/fought_with_husband_about_dinner/
---
I got home from work yesterday and just wanted to eat a salad and lay with my husband. I have been struggling with depression for about a month, went off my medication about 4 days ago.

Around lunch time something finally snapped and I felt myself change, probably going manic since I only slept 2 hours last night...

Anyway I got home super happy and just said I didn't want a burger with him - nonchalant and care free. (I actually spent half the day thinking about going vegetarian. Meat is gross.)

My husband slammed the proverbial door in my face. He said he had waited to eat for me and was so angry that I wasn't going to have dinner and said it's all bullshit. I told him not to wait for me to eat, just eat. He got even madder and said he never knows if I'm going to eat or not and he's sick of it.

So I laid in bed. I've been here for 11 hours now, asleep for about 2. I watched him sleep for a while and wondered if I should sleep on the couch. I pretended to sleep when he got ready for work. He doesn't want to talk to me and I really don't want to talk to him.

I feel stupid.

---

[Help] anyone have any experience with antidepressants causing loss of appetite/weight loss?
/u/leatherhoff [5"3 | 130 | nb]
Created: Sun Jan 8 06:49:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mqwrk/anyone_have_any_experience_with_antidepressants/
---
basically i need to go back on antidepressants because im getting serious suicidal thoughts again. i was on sertraline a while back and that basically killed the bulimic tendencies i was developing , then it was christmas and i felt okay about food blah blah so now i weigh a lot more than i used to and i hate it. only stopped the antidepressants cos i ran out and decided id rather let my ED come back in whatever form than be mentally stable. but now im feeling like things are worse than theyve been in a loooooooooong time so i oughta start looking into antidepressants again if i want to have a chance of making it through this year.

so uh . basically im wondering if any of yall have ever been on any antidepressants which either killed your appetite completely or caused you to lose weight. if i go back to the doctor to get more ill say that the sertraline didnt help much and i think x medication might be better

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jan 8 05:08:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mqkit/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
---
Happy Sunday January 08, 2017~

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 08, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jan 8 05:08:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mqkib/daily_food_diary_january_08_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 08, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] Is anyone else addicted to salt?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 8 04:51:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mqikk/is_anyone_else_addicted_to_salt/
---
Every since I started lexapro and eating much less I've been craving salt. I'll dump it everything! I know it's not good to eat a ton of it, but why am I craving it?!

Had this happened to anyone else?

Sorry mobile no flair

---

[Discussion] January goals and summer goals!
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 52.5 kg | 19.28 | 18 f]
Created: Sun Jan 8 04:33:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mqgrj/january_goals_and_summer_goals/
---
Honestly I'm bored and procrastinating homework, so I staring fiddling around on TDEE calculators and such... And I decided to set a January goal.. 53 kgs. (Old flair, weighed in around 54.2 kgs this week (which was actually a goal, bmi 19.9 ahhh))

As for summer, my ugw is 48 kgs right now. But for summer, and not wanting to press myself, my gw is 50 kgs / bmi 18.4 / underweight.

Another, non-weight related goal, is to be more social. I've been declining way too much to spend time with my friends.. Food is always there and the ones that don't know about my eating problems get super intrusive :( But yeah, I figured at least one "outing" pr. 2 weeks is a good goal to set. Also I want to stay vegetarian (although I still eat fish), which I've been since 1st of December

Have you sat any goals for January? Any long-term summer goals?

---

Feelings (x post from r/funny)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 8 02:35:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mq4eo/feelings_x_post_from_rfunny/
---
https://imgur.com/DClQpoE

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Skinny fat needs advice?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 8 00:21:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mpq9s/skinny_fat_needs_advice/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I hate how emotional eating can be
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 7 21:50:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mp5fp/i_hate_how_emotional_eating_can_be/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I want to strangle my hypocritical mother.
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 24.03 | -68lbs | M]
Created: Sat Jan 7 21:29:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mp28i/i_want_to_strangle_my_hypocritical_mother/
---
All the time she's bugging me that I'm getting too thin and that I don't eat enough. Recently she even told me that my grandma is "worried" about me because apparently my mom has nothing better to do than gossip about me to her mother. Even though I've told her a million times that I'm still technically overweight she never shuts up about my weight loss. That's fine, I'm glad she cares, but what grinds my fucking gears is when I decide that I'll eat something small and sweet or that I'll take a break from power walking circles around the house and she has the FUCKING NERVE to then make snide comments about how I "shouldn't be stopping," and "you're not even going to exercise today?" and "You can't eat that I thought you were dieting!"

LIKE SHUT UP you act so concerned about me losing weight and then when I decide to eat or not walk up and down the stairs a hundred times you judge the shit out of me! Make up your damn mind.

---

[Thinspo] 🌾
/u/hoofofpig
Created: Sat Jan 7 21:02:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5moxv9/_/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/df33f235acd947479e5a78a603bf4b18?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=0f5f22cc0a276d782ba092426c346cc1

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[Tip] I have created an awesome drink!!
/u/orangejujubes
Created: Sat Jan 7 18:35:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mo8p3/i_have_created_an_awesome_drink/
---
So. I was messing around in the kitchen trying to figure out something passable for breakfast that wasn't just coffee but wasn't an actual 'meal.' But I would also totally drink this if I were to skip lunch, need something to stave off a craving, or carry me through the hangry-ness that easily leads to a binge. This kept me energized and full enough until lunch at 2pm (I drank this at 7:30am)
Here goes;

1/2-1 scoop vanilla (or your preferred) protein powder
1/2 teaspoon matcha powder
Splash of vanilla extract
1/2 cup almond milk (you could use more)

I tossed all this in a pot, whisked it together, poured it in a cup, and filled the rest with hot water (I like big mugs and I cannot lie).

Great taste, yummy boost of protein and energy, for a decently small amount of calories (mine was 120, but yours will vary depending on the amounts/brands used). This will be my saving grace. Just wanted to share with you guys ❤️

On mobile so can't flair, but this could be tagged as a tip or something.

---

[Rant/Rave] Okay. When I hit my goal weight I'm throwing a fucking parade for Topamax.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 7 17:26:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mnwbg/okay_when_i_hit_my_goal_weight_im_throwing_a/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I need some motivation
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 7 16:48:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mnp4l/i_need_some_motivation/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Snapping at those I love
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 7 14:57:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mn363/snapping_at_those_i_love/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Family gathering problems
/u/ketogirl98
Created: Sat Jan 7 14:47:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mn14j/family_gathering_problems/
---
Hello there

My aunt had a party yesterday, and they were to serve both dinner and dessert. I do low carb, and my aunt is aware of that. Dinner was no problem. I did grab another plate of food, but it felt okay. When dessert came around how ever I lost my shit. She had made a lemon pie, and I did not plan on having any. But by the time the big pie came to my side of the table there were no stopping me.I had two slices, and I felt like shit afterwards. I felt so ill I wanted to throw up, but I've never done that before. I just felt so sluggish and terrible. Not only physical, but psykological too. Damn. I hate family gatherings. To top it all off I ate dinner once more when I came home. Great.

I really do get triggered to binge when I've had carbs. How come I never learn?

Rant is over, thank you for reading.
xo

---

[Rant/Rave] How are clementines so low in calories?!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jan 7 13:16:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mmidx/how_are_clementines_so_low_in_calories/
---
They're so sweet and flavorful, I've been known to eat a whole bag of them in one day. Some reason I assumed they had a lot of calories because I never ate fruit last time I restricted, but today I had a couple and I measured them out, They were around 27-30 calories a piece, 60 calories for a sweet but filling snack! God how is this possible?

Fruit is a magical thing you guys, Haha

---

[Rant/Rave] Comments from coworker
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | 104 | 19.0 | Ugw: 85 |19f]
Created: Sat Jan 7 12:15:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mm61j/comments_from_coworker/
---
FRICK. Ok, I usually hate getting comments about my weight, but there's this guy at work who I think is really cute. I can tell he's into fitness because he has very nice arms and just all around in great shape.
I love seeing him, not just because I have the biggest schoolgirl crush on him but because he always comments on how small I am.
The first time he said anything was when I mentioned how cold it was and he said "it's not cold, you are because you weigh like five pounds" it was initially weird.another time my friend and I found a huge purse we were trying to fit me into and he said "wow, just the right size to fit you in it" before he even knew what we were doing. Today though I asked him to help me put a skirt on a mannequin and I mentioned how annoying it is to dress them because everything's too big for them and he said "is that kind of what it's like to shop for yourself? "
I know it sounds annoying, but I love it. I love that he sees me as tiny and thin. Ugh, if only I had the guts to ask him out.

---

[Rant/Rave] Laughing at my original weight loss goals
/u/onlyroom_forthin [5'6.5 | CW:158.6 | 25. 22 | SW:170 | UGW:120 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 7 11:46:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mm005/laughing_at_my_original_weight_loss_goals/
---
I was supposed to be 135 at the beginning of January, 125 at the end of it. Not even a big loss since I weighed 146 around mid November.

Then the holidays got to me and I really struggled to restrict while visiting my parents and other family, and it made me too afraid to weigh myself. So I just weighed myself for the first time since November.

I gained 12 lbs, but it looks like I gained at least 30. I look like I'm quickly approaching obese. I have a back roll. Ugh I'm going to vomit.

On the plus side, I've got my boyfriend on board a whole healthy eating kick, and he will ALWAYS finish my food no matter how little I ate. I have a gym membership and I'm hoping I can go every day after work. And I am about to start a new job in the ER where I will be running around all day and no one ever has time to eat.

So new current weight, 158.6. New goal weight by the end of the month, 150. And then no more time oriented goal weights because they stress me out and I stress eat, so I think it'll just be get down to my UGW by the end of the semester.

LOL this was supposed to be a three sentence post. Oh well. I missed you guys ❤️

---

[Thinspo] Lovely beach thinspo
/u/bitterorbetter [5'5| 140 | 23.3 | -20| F19]
Created: Sat Jan 7 11:37:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mly7d/lovely_beach_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/a8e99ecefa0e4e9c92ce3eea52b7293a?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=851a347772ebc86cfc2530a6cd29f37d

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[Rant/Rave] ,,Did you break the scale?"
/u/Handchen_Loco [5'7" | 172 | 26.9 | F | -31]
Created: Sat Jan 7 11:35:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mlxtc/did_you_break_the_scale/
---
This just happened.

I'm staying with my parents. I used to have a scale in my bathroom, but the batteries wore out. They have a scale in their bathroom, so I've just been using theirs. I ask before I do, because I don't want to go into their rooms without permission.

Me: ,,Mom, can I go use your Scale?''

Mom: ,,sure''

Dad: ,,woah, wait, what happened to yours? Did you break it?"

*Terribly evil glare from Mom, silence from me*

I'm stronger than his stupid words, so I'm not going crazy. I'm just stunned he would even say it!


Anyway, I'm down another pound so he can suck it.

*Formatting

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] This past week had been such a shit show for me...
/u/TiredOfBeingFat_ [6'0"| CW242 |BMI32 | 28lost | GW200]
Created: Sat Jan 7 10:59:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mlqm4/rant_this_past_week_had_been_such_a_shit_show_for/
---
My next door neighbors boyfriend of 9 years got murdered on Wednesday while I was back at my first day of school... They have one little boy and another baby on the way. It hit me so hard... And I'm still not dealing with it too well... They caught the shooter, but the police think the woman arranged it, even though the detective himself doesn't believe it one bit after going through everyone's phone. There was blood all over my sidewalk and our while front porch was a homicide scene... I've never had to deal with anything like this before and it's still weighing heavily on me. The little boy was sent with his grandparents and the woman is with another family member away from the apartments while some other family memebers watch over it. I love their son too death, he's my little buddy. :( I'm so heartbroken.

Then Thursday I got some nerve injections in my back and was given a steroid injection as well, so binge city yesterday. Trying to eat somewhat reasonable today, I weighed in at 244 with nothing in me Thursday before my operation. So since thanksgiving I've only gained back 7 or 8 pounds. I feel like I've probably eaten enough since yesterday to gain back a whole other pound though. Sitting at about 160 today thanks to my meds.

Have to babysit tonight so hopefully I can keep myself busy... The only good thing is that I've been self harm free since right before Christmas.

---

[Thinspo] 167.4// Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Jan 7 09:59:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mlese/1674_daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/718140f13df74267b022381384094101?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=3a688003e2ebd655ddd8e605c3966dc1

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[Other] The roommate diet ...
/u/edie_carm
Created: Sat Jan 7 09:48:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mlcjh/the_roommate_diet/
---
Hey y'all, used to post on here all the time until my friends found my reddit.

ANYway I moved apartments, and I asked my new roommates all the usual stuff, like can I use the dishes you already have, etc, they said yes, next day come in my room to change their mind. Whatever. So I go to the store buy 4 $1 cereal bowls for the time being. They always sit in the living room, one making out with her boyfriend, like all efternooon/night. So I'm scared to leave and eat.

It's been 3 days and I've lost 6 pounds so far.

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[Help] More aware of binging but still binging
/u/shceli
Created: Sat Jan 7 07:14:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mkncb/more_aware_of_binging_but_still_binging/
---
I'm in the middle of reading brain over binge, and last night when I wanted to binge, I was definitely more aware of what I was doing, and tried some of her tactics. It slowed me down and I was really close to not binging, but I did it in the end.

So has anyone else been through this? Will I get better with practice?

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! January 07, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jan 7 05:07:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mk70k/stupid_questions_saturday_january_07_2017/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for January 07, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 07, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jan 7 05:07:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mk6zt/daily_food_diary_january_07_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 07, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Goal] Great start to the day
/u/ResurrectionOfMarion
Created: Sat Jan 7 03:00:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mjtm5/great_start_to_the_day/
---
Day 5 of water fasting, fainted in fitness class this morning in front of 20 people including my mother. Go me. Blamed it on my low blood pressure and "forgetting to have breakfast", cane home grabbed a banana and pretended to eat it and threw it out the window. Taking lots of vitamins and supplements and having green tea and tonnes of water instead.

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[Rant/Rave] I just binged/purged for the second time this week and now I feel like a piece of shit fraud
/u/I_blame_the_pizza [F 5'2"| CW: 155 | BMI: Whale | -40lbs]
Created: Fri Jan 6 23:49:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mj5m7/i_just_bingedpurged_for_the_second_time_this_week/
---
I have been trying to lose weight in a mostly healthy manner, and before Christmas I would maybe binge once every few weeks, purge maybe once a month, and do <500 calorie restriction or fasting a few days a week, but after re-gaining 10lbs after holiday vacation excess I feel like shit and hate myself right now. All my friends and family are marveling at my weight loss and asking for tips and advice, and I just responded to that AskReddit thread about how to lose weight, giving solid advice. I'm such a fucking fraud, telling other people to do this the healthy way when I can't seem to stop relying on my ED toolbox to keep losing weight. Why can't I follow my own advice? I hate my relationship with food right now.

After a successful day of restriction, I played some board games at my friends house, but of course on the way home I had to stop at a bar near my house and eat a huge quesadilla and drink a beer, then promptly go home and throw it up. Such a fucking waste.

Blerg. Sorry y'all I'm not sure where I was going with this, but I needed to rant. Thank you for being such a welcoming and supportive group! I mostly lurk on all the posts, but really needed to get this out tonight.

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[Discussion] Best Friends And EDS
/u/ghostbydefault
Created: Fri Jan 6 21:52:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5minfo/best_friends_and_eds/
---
Just wondering if anyone here has any stories about their ED being tied to their best friend/childhood best friend. I have heard some other stories from MPA but it's been a couple of years.

I had a best friend I met in second grade who lived a house down from me. We were both overweight and usually picked on for our weight. We bonded over wanting to be skinny but never dieted (we were in elementary school so we were stumped). In sixth grade, there was time we both weighed ourselves in her kitchen. I was 175 lbs and she was 215 lbs. This was the first time I brought a competitive aspect to our friendship. We drifted apart shortly after this, but we would walk home by each other every day after school (we didn't talk). She had a new best friend who I hated (she had bullied me online and over the phone in front of former best friend). Her new best friend one time announced on the way home that she was gonna go home with my ex best friend and encourage her to purge. I was so angry. We didn't really talk though, so I didn't take it anywhere. Years later, we became friends again. During this is when I began to restrict heavily. She cut me off shortly after my behaviors started, since my mental health was really bad and it was "too much for her". She didn't know about me starving, btw. She just saw me when I experienced my first manic depressive episode.
When she cut me off, it made want to starve more-and that's how I got to my lowest weight.
It's been a couple of years since then, but I saw a pic of her, and she is twice the size I saw her at last time. Next time she sees me, I want to be half the size she saw me at last time haha

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[Rant/Rave] feeling so discouraged.. so i binged bad for the first time in weeks :/
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 147 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Fri Jan 6 20:24:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mi8g0/feeling_so_discouraged_so_i_binged_bad_for_the/
---
i had been so in control for the last week: restricted, extra fasting, extra walking, really felt I at peace with everything. I've lost 18 lb finally after a killer platuae. Everything was fine until I went to measure myself.. and my measurements had hardly budged. It's just so disgusting. My sister is so tiny, people constantly complain she needs to gain weight and she eats a freaking ton. I restrict so hard and nothing changes. Add to all the I can't find a job, school is starting, I was outted to my family and betrayed by friends, my parents are getting an ugly divorce, and now I lose weight and apparently look no different. For some reason today the hunger pains hurt so bad and I just ate. I haven't eaten a decent sized meal in weeks and now I'm in so much pain. Idk why I'm posting this I just feel hopeless in every way. :'(

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[Tip] Things that keep me from eating
/u/BluestNovember [5'4" | SW: 200+ lbs | CW: too high | BMI: under 40 | -26lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jan 6 20:13:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mi6qj/things_that_keep_me_from_eating/
---
I've discovered something that keeps me from eating, and it's sewing.
It requires both hands and all my concentration, and I'm so happy about that. My free time slips by and I don't start thinking about food and eating. It feels so nice when it actually helps me out with weight loss. I ordered a cross stitch kit, and I'm having a blast filling in the stitches. And I'll have something to show for it!
I've got a stupid dream, and it's to be a flight attendant, but I want to lose weight, first. I know it's not a requirement to be thin now, (at least in the US) but I don't want to be the fat flight attendant in the cabin crew. And I'd love to become a corporate flight attendant, they make bank. But, I have cats, so I'm wondering if I could do it out of my city and not having to live in a "crash pad" without any pets.

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[Help] Trusting the nutrition facts at a restaurant
/u/quietpandaa [5'1 | 97 | 19.1 | -13 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 6 19:50:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mi2my/trusting_the_nutrition_facts_at_a_restaurant/
---
I met my friend for dinner tonight since we're both back in our hometown from college, which was nice because she was one of my closest friends from high school.

We went to a healthy food restaurant that I've been to lots of times because they have plenty of low calorie options that I feel safe eating. I ordered zoodles with bolognese sauce which I've had twice before, but I feel like this time they served me more than they had before. The two previous times I'd gotten it in to-go containers and this time we ate in restaurant so it might be plating that made it look like more, but it's seriously freaking me out.

I ate most of the dish anyways because I hadn't eaten all day and was really hungry, but now I feel so guilty. On the menu it's listed as 330 calories, and I generally trust this restaurant's counts from my experiences with how they've affected my weight. I also have a lot of other anxiety today from a shooting in my hometown which is making everything worse.

I guess what I'm asking is if you'd chalk up the meal seeming bigger to a different plating and other stress, or if you'd adjust the calories you tracked.

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[Help] starting an EC stack.. help?
/u/TheArthiest [5'8 | CW 138 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 6 18:50:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mhrkg/starting_an_ec_stack_help/
---
[removed]

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[Help] [Help] How do you guys get rid of non-physical cravings?
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Fri Jan 6 18:42:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mhq5i/help_how_do_you_guys_get_rid_of_nonphysical/
---
I know it's something that gets easier with time but I can't get through that initial period. I have no physical cravings (or not that I'm aware of), no hunger, nothing like that, its purely just that my mind wants food. I'm not even restricing that low right now, I'm taking vitamins so I shouldn't be severely lacking in anything, I think maybe it's just habit. Food fills a void, takes up time that I don't know what else to do with. If I don't eat, all I can think about is food, even when I've just finished eating. I don't want to eat, I don't enjoy it, it doesn't taste good enough to be worth it, I feel so guilty afterwards that I have thoughts of self harm and sometimes suicide, although I won't act on either. I'm not saying that to worry you guys, I'm just saying what's going on. I. Do. Not. Want. To. Eat. So why do I? It doesn't make the feeling go away, or the constant thoughts of food, it just changes them. Maybe that's why I do it, because at the time it feels like a better option to change the thoughts, even into something worse. I'm in mental agony. I can't stand this, I can't stand myself. Every day it's the same. I should distract myself, I think. Nope. The thoughts are still there and they're always at the forefront of my mind. It's like a really loud noise that won't quieten, it's not the kind of thing that can be ignored. I don't want to eat, I don't need to eat. I'm gaining weight and it's because of this.

How do you guys deal with this? How do you make this feeling go away? I'm on the verge of breaking.

---

[Discussion] DAE feel like the closer they get to their goal the harder it becomes?
/u/fourfoldcat [5'4 | 113 |19.4 | -32 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 6 18:05:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mhjcx/dae_feel_like_the_closer_they_get_to_their_goal/
---
I know physically it becomes harder to lose weight once you get to lower weights, but lately my motivation is disappearing too. Just 4 months ago I was losing 1-2lbs a week and running everyday. Now it takes a lot of convincing just to stay under 1200 calories. I am so close to 105 but just can't make it for some reason. I have just been hovering around 113 for months. How do you remotivate yourself?

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[Discussion] Do you ever.....Miss food?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 6 17:53:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mhh65/do_you_evermiss_food/
---
[deleted]

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[Intro] Freaked my doctor out (an introduction)
/u/justhush1 [5'4" | CW: 179 | UGW: bones | -21 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jan 6 17:39:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mhehb/freaked_my_doctor_out_an_introduction/
---
Hello, this is my first post here. I have been religiously reading posts here for the last couple days, and I really wanted to join in on the convo.

I have PCOS and Hypothyroid. I never used them as an excuse for my weight gain (it was because I ate taco bell for almost every meal for the past 2 years), but I used them as an excuse for why I could not lose weight. That was until something in me snapped. For the last three weeks (including the holidays, which was hard, because I spent it in NYC) I have been restricting myself to 400 calories a day, and less then 10 g of carbs. I have lost 15 pounds so far. It has felt so invigorating and freeing. I feel like I finally have control over something. I haven't even had a urge to binge or give up, I've grown obsessed.

I went to the doctor right before I began, and returned today. He was very upset by my sudden weight lost. Three weeks ago, he told me if I did not try to control my weight, I could become even sicker in the future. Now he saying if I continue on the path I began, I can become even sicker. He wanted me to meet with a dietitian to discuss a healthy way to lose weight, but I declined, and denied starving myself. My doctor knows I'm very religious, so I told him that I have been praying for weight lost, and God finally has answered, and asked him why would he deny God's work. that scared him enough to drop the subject.

I understand the risks of what I'm doing, but I needed this control. For the first time in a long time, the number on the scale is going down and not up. My energy level has also raised significantly, though it might be thanks to diet coke. I feel the change in my body, and I know that this is going to spiral out of control very fast, but I cannot stop now!

edit: grammar, mine is terrible, I know!

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[Discussion] Double digits
/u/biggoldie
Created: Fri Jan 6 17:07:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mh80g/double_digits/
---
I always cringe when I'm this honest with my therapist but I told her today I'm just a few pounds away from double digits. She asked what being in double digits means to me. I was stumped. If I can't give a good reason for being in double digits, then why is it a goal? The only thing I can come up with is I won't feel like I'm taking up so much space, hovering over everyone else like an amazon woman.

Does getting to double digits mean anything for you?

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[Rant/Rave] My mom is fueling this
/u/NaejNire [5'9 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 6 15:52:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mgt6d/my_mom_is_fueling_this/
---
Being home from college, my mom has taken every opportunity she can to tell me how fat I am. In the new year, she already has twice. She doesn't just call me fat or overweight or anything, she has to do it in the rudest, snarkiest of ways...

Now, I know I'm not thin. Having bulimia, I've always fallen in the very "normal" BMI range. But my mom is VERY overweight. How could she constantly be so rude to me about my weight as she's over there stuffing her face? And she always insults other mothers saying they're making weight such an important thing in their daughter's lives that they cause eating disorders... WELL what the hell do you think you're doing?! How does she think she's any better? I'm so sick of being home.

On mobile, tag as rant please.

---

[Thinspo] just found this incredible album on /r/yoga. this is definitely going to be getting me back hardcore into my practice. NSFW!
/u/boneybabybitch [5'4" | GW birthweight | BMI 16.3 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 6 15:35:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mgpoy/just_found_this_incredible_album_on_ryoga_this_is/
---
http://imgur.com/a/2vs3p

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[Rant/Rave] I committed a crime by eating in the hospital cafeteria..
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 6 15:25:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mgnu1/i_committed_a_crime_by_eating_in_the_hospital/
---
Usually I work nights and the cafeteria is closed. I've never spent much time up there or have really cared to.

Well I'm training on day shift now and the girl I'm training with likes to go up and get breakfast/lunch from there. I decided the last 2 days I would go with her and get something to. Seeing as she's pretty slim and seems to be weight conscious I was like what the heck I'll get the same burrito she got. Then for lunch I grabbed a small looking slice of pizza.

Fast forward to today and I noticed each food station has calories posted. The burrito I had the other day was 1000 calories. The pizza I had was 625. What the fuck?!?!?! How are there that many calories in simple foods? Also, it's ironic because I work at a hospital and this is the shit they feed patients 😐

Needless to say I was weighing in at 144. 2 pounds down from last time and now I'm 148. Seriously, fuck that cafeteria and everything else. I'm only eating things I make.

---

[Rant/Rave] Haven't purged in 2 weeks
/u/charredsouls
Created: Fri Jan 6 15:04:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mgjcr/havent_purged_in_2_weeks/
---
Yesterday night and today I was so so so close to binging/purging again, but guess what: I've been b/p free for 2 weeks now! For months I was purging at least 3 x a week, so this is huge for me. It's the longest I've gone without it since I started.

It gets really ridiculously hard, especially because I've eaten some trigger foods that I was *so* close to purging, but I did not do it. I owe this to myself.

---

[Rant/Rave] The calories on one of my favorite prepackaged foods just went from 90 to 328. I am freaking the fuck out.
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Fri Jan 6 14:58:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mgi5z/the_calories_on_one_of_my_favorite_prepackaged/
---
First thing I did when I walked in the door was email them. This has to be a fucking mistake. Their website has the old numbers. This is bullshit. Fucking conspiracy theory.

---

[Thinspo] small "lounging in bed" thinspo album
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | cw: cow | gw: calf | 19F]
Created: Fri Jan 6 14:23:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mgal0/small_lounging_in_bed_thinspo_album/
---
http://imgur.com/a/MqyhZ

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[Goal] Broke my set point today!
/u/EatAllTheHoomans [5'8.75" | 149 lb | Female]
Created: Fri Jan 6 13:00:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mfsiq/broke_my_set_point_today/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] A mix of different ED's
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW128ish | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Fri Jan 6 12:47:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mfpup/a_mix_of_different_eds/
---
So I was just thinking about this and I realied I sort of have symptoms of a few different eating disorders. I've never been officially diagnosed (and I know I can't ask for that here.)
It's just weird. I see myself as bigger than I am, to the point where sometimes I refuse to use mirrors or go out in public. I crazy restrict sometimes and others I eat too much because I'm starving. I've made myself throw up but it's not a regular thing. I definitely have contempt and sometimes even disgust for people who eat garbage... can anyone else relate to this? Or am I just nuts?

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[Other] I'm making the whole pint of halo top my lunch and dinner lol
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 6 12:22:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mfk8i/im_making_the_whole_pint_of_halo_top_my_lunch_and/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] The dreaded mandatory group training meals.
/u/Missy_Is_Bitter [5'3"| HW:218| CW:177.4|GW:95 | 23F]
Created: Fri Jan 6 12:05:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mfgax/the_dreaded_mandatory_group_training_meals/
---
No flair cause mobile :c sorry. Long time no see, proED!

I just started my new job, and we've been doing training for the past three days and every day we are shuffled into the dining hall for lunch and dinner. And it's so awkward and uncomfortable and I REALLY do not want to eat anything but I have to go in and get something because it's paid for by my department and I have to be here and eat the food. I've been doing pretty okay, filling up a bowl with tons of salad and only picking at the entree, but it's just so painfully awkward and I feel like everyone stares at me as I eat because I'm brand new and have no one to sit with aside from the other managers. Like the eating part alone is enough to make me regret this job.

Sorry if this is so random, I just needed to vent somewhere because I'm so frustrated.

---

I lost it today
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 6 11:47:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mfcah/i_lost_it_today/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE get excited to poop now??
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 168.2 | -24 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Fri Jan 6 11:17:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mf5co/dae_get_excited_to_poop_now/
---
Never before in my life have I gotten excited or happy because I had to poop. But here I am, getting pumped about weighing myself afterwards.

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[Discussion] Anorexia has changed my taste buds.
/u/nobutlisten [5'5 | CW: 101.0 | GW: lol | BMI: 16.8 | F 25 👽]
Created: Fri Jan 6 11:14:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mf4qr/anorexia_has_changed_my_taste_buds/
---
In the following ways...

1. Don't mind eating really bland healthy food anymore. I like all vegetables, don't need butter/cheese/sauce to eat them. Salads taste amazing to me.

2. Very very very high tolerance to spicy food

3. Drink my coffee and my tea unsweetened now

4. Obsessed with carbonated drinks

5. Became addicted to artificial sweeteners (after 6 years, finally weened myself off this one)

---

[Rant/Rave] (Rant) I don't know if I should trust the scale..
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 6 10:57:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mf0yr/rant_i_dont_know_if_i_should_trust_the_scale/
---
For a while my scale has said "lo" and then gave me the weight, the gross disgusting weight.
I finally found the right batteries for it (thanks winter cleaning lol) and changed it out, and was given the surprise of being 127!
I almost cried, I almost did a happy dance was proud that even though I haven't been trying to starve myself the last few weeks I've just been going the the winter break flow I managed to be under 130... But I didn't I stepped on it again and it said 132.
So I freaked out and drank some water and measured again later on in the day because I'm neurotic and it was 130.1.

I don't believe my scale anymore. But I don't like measuring myself either. I can't believe the mirror or photos.
I just want to know if I'm losing. I hate stupid scales that's are constantly changing.

I wish my bed would weigh me because that is where I want to stay forever.

/sorry I'm on mobile and can't flair properly/

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo. ✨💕
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri Jan 6 09:48:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5melpe/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/6a046ed9e15740a18557f27fd40ff654?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=71516f881a58df36d4113bed16687132

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[Rant/Rave] My metabolism is faster than I thought it was!
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Fri Jan 6 09:45:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mel1e/my_metabolism_is_faster_than_i_thought_it_was/
---
I've dropped a pound from trying to maintain!!! Or maybe even more! I was bloated and had had a pepsi and about 300ml of tea before deciding to torture weigh myself. I was at 53kg. I feel like my body is pranking me, this is such good news.

Today was so lovely. It's the best day I've had in months. And this was the icing on the cake :) I hope you're all doing wonderfully.

On mobile/gimme that rant flair

---

[Discussion] Only able to eat prepackaged/premade meals?
/u/mathildarion
Created: Fri Jan 6 09:01:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mebp1/only_able_to_eat_prepackagedpremade_meals/
---
I've always felt most satisfied/less anxious when I eat packaged/ready meals. Even if it's something I can make at home I think I find peace in the controlled portion sizes and the nutrients and calories listed right there on the box. It can even be fast food, as long as it's within my calorie limit for the day and packaged in the right way. I'm pretrified of snacking or eating food that doesn't feel like a "real" meal. I think it stems from not wanting to waste calories on random foods and also just maintaining a sense of order and organization.

I've also realised that I like not using dishes. Its not just that washing up is a tedious chore but I live in a busy family that's always congregating in the kitchen and having people see me use and clean pots/pans or dishes just makes me feel terribly anxious and guilty. It makes eating seem like this big fanfare. I like simple, no-fuss, satisfying, prepackaged meals. It's honestly all I feel comfortable eating these days. Does anyone else relate?

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[Rant/Rave] Guys! I'm taller than I thought I was!
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Fri Jan 6 09:00:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mebi4/guys_im_taller_than_i_thought_i_was/
---
Ok, I am sitting in my doctors office. I'm 27 and haven't had my height measured probably since I was 16. At least not officially. I've thought I was 5'3.75" for ever- I always rounded up to 5'4". Assumed I was shrinking honestly. BUT! I'm actually 5'5"!!!!! A whole inch taller! I'm amazed and this seriously made my day as it puts me out of "overweight" and into the normal category.


Ahhhhh I'm so excited!!

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[Intro] 155 and ready to start over
/u/toxiccmindx
Created: Fri Jan 6 08:06:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5me0q7/155_and_ready_to_start_over/
---
So back in high school I was able to restrict myself and exercise but unfortunately I never actually did anything. I made it to me lowest at 133 when I started at 160 with a goal of 98 I still had 35lbs to lose. Then I started college and lost control so now I'm back to 155 and dying inside. Decided that today I start over I restrict and fast again. I miss the feeling of being lightheaded from fasting. Maybe I could try to beat my fasting record....

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HIF when looking through this sub while burping pizza
/u/buttersluts
Created: Fri Jan 6 08:04:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5me0gb/hif_when_looking_through_this_sub_while_burping/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/8dc32e5e70e5424987ce9be01178c792?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=1aea9f4c1df6e030f3affc2e946a74cc

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[Goal] I passed my first goal weight!
/u/nobutlisten [5'5 | CW: 101.0 | GW: lol | BMI: 16.8 | F 25 👽]
Created: Fri Jan 6 06:33:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mdl7m/i_passed_my_first_goal_weight/
---
When I decided that I really wanted to make an effort to lose some of my recovery weight, I was 144 lbs. My first goal was 117 lbs, I felt like that would be healthy for me but much smaller. Obviously my goal has moved a bit as I've continued losing weight, first I thought okay 114. Now it's 109. But either way....

This morning I just hit 116.2! Feel pretty good. I still have to work to do but honestly this is the first morning in 2 weeks I've been feeling pretty slim! Which is funny because I ate a bit extra yesterday (made a post about letting myself have seconds and not freaking out and actually feeling satisfied with that).

Small victories!

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! January 06, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jan 6 05:10:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5md8gz/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for January 06, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

**Rules**

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host.

Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, inspiration behind your OOTD (trying to look thin or cover up weightloss, etc.)!

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 06, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jan 6 05:10:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5md8g8/daily_food_diary_january_06_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 06, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Help] 40 pounds?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 6 05:08:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5md85v/40_pounds/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Would you prefer having a higher TDEE?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jan 6 04:19:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5md1zh/would_you_prefer_having_a_higher_tdee/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] What's a low cal, "chewy" food?
/u/aggressivedoughnut
Created: Fri Jan 6 01:42:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mcjmw/whats_a_low_cal_chewy_food/
---
I love love love boba/tapioca pearls and will have milk tea nearly every day. I've found that it's the chewy texture of the pearls that I like. What's a chewy substitute?

Obligatory on mobile, can't flair

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[Discussion] Weight gain "fetishes/disorders" are a thing.
/u/ScreamingSkeletal
Created: Fri Jan 6 01:32:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mcigp/weight_gain_fetishesdisorders_are_a_thing/
---
Someone pointed out the sub r/wgbeforeafter and I checked it out. Does anyone else kind of wish they had one of those fetishes instead of a traditional ED? It just sounds... so freeing. To just be able to eat and eat and eat and never worry about any of it. And to be HAPPY when the number on the scale goes up. It kind of makes me jealous.

---

[Discussion] Weird ED things
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW:190lb | CW:150.1lb | GW:90lb | 27.5/28.4 | -39.9lb]
Created: Fri Jan 6 00:31:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mcb9u/weird_ed_things/
---
What's your weirdest/silliest ED compulsion/trick/anxiety/thing?

Mine would have to be the fact that 1001kcal in a day feels a million times worse to me than 999. I know it's only a minuscule difference but gdi seeing four digits just feels worse.

---

[Intro] Feeling down, thought I'd introduce myself.
/u/Handchen_Loco [5'7" | 172 | 26.9 | F | -31]
Created: Thu Jan 5 22:53:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mbx46/feeling_down_thought_id_introduce_myself/
---
Hello, everyone. You all are so nice and supportive. I've been lurking here for a while, and tonight is a little rough so I figured I'd come out of the woodwork and say hello.

This is a new account, but I'd been using my old one for a while and had some pretty identifiable stuff on it so, here I am, squeeky clean and eager to hear from you.

I grew up with an anorexic mother. She never seemed to eat, and when she did eat in front of me and my sister, it was tiny portions. She would make our plates the same as hers, and shame us for saying we were still hungry or for asking for seconds. By the time we were in middle/high school and learning about EDs in health class, we were completely numb to the idea that what was happening in our home was not "normal" or "acceptable" by anyone else's standards.

After getting out of my childhood home, I learned to cook for myself, and started a long term relationship with someone who was overweight and had a mother who acted like a doting grandmother when it came to food. I gained about 60 pounds in two years.

I've struggled with depression and anxiety for a long time, and it got worse as my weight increased. I started skipping meals, eating small portions, hiding my food. I felt like shit, so I went from moderately active to generally inactive.

I'm still generally inactive, after several car accidents that have left me with ruined knees and a touchy back. I feel like a fraud for coming here and admitting that I'm not obsessed with exercise. But recently something clicked in me, and I've started B/P.

Tonight, after bursting a blood vessel in my eye, I thought maybe I should talk to someone about this. I'm still dating the same person (who, may I add, is no longer overweight and a huge source of my insecurities), and I feel like I can't talk to him about this. I have two other close friends; a waifish beauty who eats like a racehorse and never seems to put on any weight, and a girl shorter than me and about the same weight. I feel like if I admitted this to her I'd be subject to ridicule because I wear the weight better than her.

So, if you've read this far, would you mind being my friend? I don't really know what I'd like to talk about, but I'm open ears for you.

Female, 24, 5'7", 177 lbs.
High weight: 203
Low weight (when I first realized my mom was encouraging anorexia): 103

(On mobile so can't flair :( )

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[Tip] staple foods you like to keep in your home?
/u/siamesealmeidaa [height:5'6" | CW:120lbs | BMI:19.4 | weight lost:18lb | gender:F]
Created: Thu Jan 5 21:55:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mbnk9/staple_foods_you_like_to_keep_in_your_home/
---
what are some of your guys' staple foods that you keep stocked at home? I find if I don't have anything around that I can comfortably eat, I either won't eat when I should, or I'll end up bingeing on bad things later. I would love some small meal and snack ideas. 💖

---

[Rant/Rave] this is fine, right?
/u/siamesealmeidaa [height:5'6" | CW:120lbs | BMI:19.4 | weight lost:18lb | gender:F]
Created: Thu Jan 5 21:35:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mbk5v/this_is_fine_right/
---
at least, now that I've eaten all of the cake frosting, it's out of the house, right?

like. I'm definitely not going to gain 5 pounds in icing weight because I can't fucking control myself, am I?

it's so funny. I will split a breakfast burrito worth 400cal into three meals because it scared me so much, and then eat a quarter cup of frosting at 9pm, at 140cal per two tablespoons.

I was wondering today how I've only lost 15lbs in just over a month. it just seems so slow. maybe just too slow for me.
O IS THIS WHY? O. OK.

---

What's your favourite/most effective appetite suppressant, diet drink, etc.?
/u/orangejujubes
Created: Thu Jan 5 21:34:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mbk1h/whats_your_favouritemost_effective_appetite/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] this is so fukin satisfying
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 147.2 | 22.1 | -3 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 5 21:34:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mbjxr/this_is_so_fukin_satisfying/
---
so I was updating my flair (yeah I gained weight :( ) and I was messing around with the bmi calculator and with my height, when I'm 123.4 pounds I'll be on the very edge between a 'healthy' weight and being 'underweight' and I find those numbers so damn satisfying omg
edit:
omg I also realized today that kraft dinner is really fucking high in caloroies BUT if you eat just one box in a day you'll stay under 900 cals

---

[Discussion] Bread and Water
/u/APairofScales [5'6" | CW:Too Much | BMI:Nope| Weight Lost:Too Little | Male]
Created: Thu Jan 5 20:46:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mbbh3/bread_and_water/
---
[removed]

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Food to feel full
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 5 20:29:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mb8da/food_to_feel_full/
---
[removed]

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[Tip] Hey so tonight I made tacos, buuuut I used lettuce instead of tortillas... and damn was it good. (and only 132 calories!!!!)
/u/rubber__soul [5'6| CW yikes |GW1 120 | UGW 100/ Gender: F/20]
Created: Thu Jan 5 19:36:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mayk2/hey_so_tonight_i_made_tacos_buuuut_i_used_lettuce/
---
I was skeptical of using lettuce instead of tortillas because I loooove tortillas, but let me tell you- this shit was good, and I'm SO full.

Recipe: (tbh you could use whichever vegetables you want, just make adjustments to the total calories)
I used:

~1 stalk of celery (6 cal)

1/3 cup red bell pepper (13 cal)

1/3 cup cucumber (5 cal)

1/3 cup onion (22)

I used about 1/4 of a jalapeno, but you can use however much you like according to how spicy you like your food. It was only like 4 calories!! (4 cal)

1/2 TBS olive oil (60 cal) ** you can use any kind of oil, butter, or none of them. I only added the EVOO because I wanted the veggies to carmelize, plus it's healthy fat!

4 lettuce leaves for the "taco" shells (7 cals)

Alright kids now here's what you're gonna want to do: sautee all of those veggies together, then pile them into the lettuce wraps. It's that damn easy. I seasoned my veggies with red pepper flakes, salt, and pepper and it was so spicy and so satisfying. I also topped mine off with a little fresh cilantro and salsa so that I felt fancy, which ultimately added about 10-15 calories.

TOTAL CALORIES: 132, less if you omit the toppings I added. Makes FOUR tacos! yum!!

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[Help] if i'm not that hungry, am i doing something wrong?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 147 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Thu Jan 5 19:25:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5mawg1/if_im_not_that_hungry_am_i_doing_something_wrong/
---
[removed]

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[Help] What the hell happened to me?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 5 18:38:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5man7b/what_the_hell_happened_to_me/
---
[deleted]

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[Tip] I LOVE CAULIFLOWER RICE
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 5 17:47:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5madnj/i_love_cauliflower_rice/
---
The prepackaged frozen riced caulifower is 80 calories for the entire package! Guess who just binged on cauliflower rice with mixed veggies, egg white, and curry powder? ME! And I'm actually happy about it!!! Dinner was 237 calories and I ate it with chopsticks and I'M FULL AND IT WAS SO LOW CAL. Ah. I'm satisfied.

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[Discussion] what (or who) is your current ultimate body goal?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 5 17:28:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ma9y9/what_or_who_is_your_current_ultimate_body_goal/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] It's been 1 year and one day since I developed my eating disorder
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Thu Jan 5 17:15:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ma7d6/its_been_1_year_and_one_day_since_i_developed_my/
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It hit me like a ton of bricks in the middle of an English lesson. One year of disordered eating. One year ago, I learned what a calorie was and I learned to purge. One year ago, I was 148 lbs. One year ago, I didn't hate myself as much. One year ago, it was just a diet.

It feels so weird. I don't know why, but I needed to share.

Cheers to you, eating disorder. I hope you die in a hole.

---

[Discussion] Someone please explain this whole metabolism thing to me.
/u/star-of-morning [5'1" | no clue | went to treatment | send help]
Created: Thu Jan 5 17:14:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ma78y/someone_please_explain_this_whole_metabolism/
---
As some of you may know, I went to residential treatment for my anorexia in June. While there, the dietitians and staff explained that anorexia/restricting/starving yourself damages your metabolism (as in makes it slower) and if you try to go back to restriction post-recovery/weight restoration, you won't lose weight/you will GAIN weight. They said that your body won't trust you and will hold on to your weight or whatever because it is scared it will be starved of calories and nutrients again. So basically, they told us about starvation mode, which I've read to be a myth prior to going to treatment.

Does this carry any validity? Is it fat logic? Or were they just trying to scare me out of restricting upon being discharged?

Edit: Thank you all for your answers!

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[Rant/Rave] "But she's completely thin"
/u/cocionut [167.5cm | 52.4kg | 18.68 | 15kg | F]
Created: Thu Jan 5 17:12:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ma6ro/but_shes_completely_thin/
---
I was getting my Faxi Kondi Booster in my local grocery store. Two little boys (think between ages 6-10) were with their mom behind me in the line. It was like 5:30, mom was stressed as fuck and buying meat balls and some Mars bars.

They were incredibly obnoxious and one of them noticed my (diet) booster.

"Why did she pick that one?"

I was listening to music, but I'm assuming that the poor mom had begun explaining dieting to him. The kid stared at me before exclaiming: "but she's completely thin!"

**Thin?** These were normal weight kids. This was a normal weight family. This little kid thought I was thin, so thin, that having a light soda was out of question? I was ecstatic. I was giggling the entire way home. I wasn't even wearing that concealing clothes, just my usual blue jeans and my huge jacket.

Flair: not sure/you pick/ I'm on mobile.

---

[Goal] I DIDN'T BINGE ON CORN CHIPS!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 5 16:56:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ma3lf/i_didnt_binge_on_corn_chips/
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Corn chips are one of my biggest binge triggers, I don't even like them THAT much but I always end up eating a whole bag of them. Tonight we had chili with Frito's, I'd say 9 times out of 10 I end up binging on this meal, . But tonight I ate a small portion of Frito's(10-11 chips) and only one small bowl of chili. So proud of myself! Ending around 800 today with exercise, Reminds me of the good days of restricting before binging happened...

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[Help] A question about periods
/u/min_imalist [5'0 | CW: 75lbs | BMI 14.3 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 5 16:37:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m9zr4/a_question_about_periods/
---
Anyone here lost their period? I lost mine back in October 2014 (and I sure as hell dont plan on having it ever again).

I'm just curious as my mom and grandma have told me on numerous occasions that if I don't have my period for longer than 2 years, it will probably never come back.

I mean. I know that it's probably not true, but I'm still wondering. What do you think?

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[Tip] Just Discovered! Savory sipping broth, without the sodium and other junk of bullion! "Millies Sipping Broth"
/u/brokehungryheathen [5'4" | 133 | 23 | -17Lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jan 5 16:25:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m9xdc/just_discovered_savory_sipping_broth_without_the/
---
http://imgur.com/q6hzyEm

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[Rant/Rave] For Once I Actually Feel Full
/u/nobutlisten [5'5 | CW: 101.0 | GW: lol | BMI: 16.8 | F 25 👽]
Created: Thu Jan 5 16:07:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m9tng/for_once_i_actually_feel_full/
---
I skipped lunch at work and could feel myself getting super tired/shaky/cold so I promised myself I would eat something when I got home. This makes me nervous, because whenever I let myself get too hungry I know I'm setting myself up for a binge or at least overeat, even if it's healthy stuff. But I really didn't want to purge today because it's -5 degrees outside and I've been so cold all day and I don't want to feel MORE cold, which is kind of a silly reason, but hey, if it works!


So I got home and let myself eat some chicken and vegetables with salsa, but after a bowl I was still hungry. That's when I got nervous that no matter how much I ate I would still feel so hungry and would just binge no matter what. But I let myself have a second small bowl.


And now I'm full. I know that this is a stupid thing to feel proud of, but honestly I just wasn't expecting to feel calm/okay with a second serving and not want to binge on everything in my fridge. Feels like a big accomplishment!


TLDR: Was really hungry. Ate a serving of food and was still hungry. Ate a second serving and now I actually feel satisfied and full. This "normal" behavior is very exciting for me.

---

[Rant/Rave] I kinda just need to get it all out there
/u/easy_bake_lovin
Created: Thu Jan 5 15:37:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m9n00/i_kinda_just_need_to_get_it_all_out_there/
---
This is a nice subreddit. Everyone always is disgusted by eating disorders, but it is nice to have people who know what it is like and who are not going to condemn you. I don't know if I am "pro" ED perse, but just finding a community that openly talks about them like they are not a big deal is nice. I have never, ever talked to anyone in any detail about my eating disorder. I just really need to write it all down, get it out of me. This will be a wall of text, for warning.

I have always struggled with my eating habits, ever since I was a child. I used to be very large, at least 200 pounds (on a 4'11 frame). I had to eat. I don't know why but everytime I saw food I had to eat it. It is what I thought (and mostly still think about) all day everyday. It sucked. I just wanted to be normal, I wanted a normal body, I wanted to be pretty. I used to cry at night and pray so hard to god to just make me pretty. that is all i wanted, to be pretty, to be thin. i have been puking for 7-8 years now. the first time i did i remember i ate an entire container of blackberries and thought "this won't be so bad, just do it every once in a while" but immediately after i felt so empty, i ate more, puked more, ate more, puked more. i have been puking, if i had to guess, 10-20 times a day for the last 7-8 years. that is so much. that is so much. that is so much. i can't stop though. it is uncontrollable when i get around food i have to eat it. i like to feel full. i like to feel full for a moment and then i like to be empty so i can be full again. there has so much that has been impacted by my eating disorder. it is always on the back of my mind at restaurants or staying with people "how/where am i going to puke." i lost a lot of weight, i lost like 100 pounds from puking. not going to lie, i love it. i love being skinny. recently, in the past 4-5 months, i have been leaning on a more anorexic side. i work with food, it disgusts me right now. i have been eating maybe once a day, only vegetables. sometimes i get so hungry but then i drink warm water or coffee. i can feel my bones now, i love it. i love to feel pretty, i love to be complimented, i love to feel like i have control over something. it is so trivial, food. to just have control over the intake or lack thereof of food. to starve myself or gorge myself. why do i do it? i don't know, i honestly couldn't give a right answer to why i am like this. some days i want it gone. i want to put myself into a hospital and get help, learn to live without food on the back of my mind. but sometimes i am content in my life. on the days where i am starving and my stomach is growling, but i look down and see where my hipbones stick out or my collarbones. i love my collarbones. they look so nice, better than jewelry, elegant. i don't know how to live without an eating disorder, i think. i don't know how to put all of that aside and just *eat* , ya know? i don't know how to look at food and not calculate calories, how to sit down with food and only eat a normal amount. i hope i am not alone in this. i am sure i am not, but it is so taboo that no one talks about it. i know, i know so many people are living this life but will never utter a word to anyone else about it. this has just been bottling up inside me for a while now. i don't know, i think about how i would talk to a friend about it, but never do. it's embarrassing, quite honestly. but why?

---

[Discussion] 80ish calorie binge game changer
/u/Castoroilexperiment [5'6 | 95 | 29F| 17]
Created: Thu Jan 5 15:00:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m9ep6/80ish_calorie_binge_game_changer/
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http://i.imgur.com/oikhLiE.jpg

I wrote on here before about my meringue addiction. That picture above is 4 egg whites worth (70ish calories).



The game changer part is something called LorAnn bakery emulsions! I got a 4 ounce bottle of it off amazon for like 6.50 and added a few drops to the meringue....it basically tastes like cookie dough.


https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0039KMKQ0/ref=sxts3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1483653582&sr=3


This is seriously amazing and huge for around 80 calories.

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else do just the most ridiculous shit?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 5 12:23:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m8fqu/does_anyone_else_do_just_the_most_ridiculous_shit/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Nightmares of clothes
/u/CassTheUltimateBA [5'10 | 163 | 23.4 | 47 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 5 11:22:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m81lw/nightmares_of_clothes/
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Clothes ripping when i walk, not fitting through doors. Stuffing my fat face.

I lost 4lb since the first, and over 10 since early/mid december...im doing good i thought. Its motivation though so thats gucci

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[Help] High blood pressure, hibiscus tea, and bronkaid.
/u/get-it_together [5'3" |160??| UGW 130 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 5 11:02:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m7wzp/high_blood_pressure_hibiscus_tea_and_bronkaid/
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hey ya'll, please help me not destroy my heart. back in the summer, my doctor told me that I had high blood pressure and wanted to refer me to someone else. I never did anything about it because I was scared.

I just recently started taking bronkaid again. so far I've only had one and a half in two days, and I haven't taken it today. you're not supposed to take it with high blood pressure.

I've been freaking out, so I've been drinking hibiscus tea in order to lower my blood pressure.

does anyone have experience with any of this??

---

[Rant/Rave] New motivation [rave]
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 5 10:48:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m7tv2/new_motivation_rave/
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I'm getting a breast reduction this summer (I've ALWAYS had huge boobs- even in middle school when I was a stick. My first bra was a B cup) and I have to be my ideal weight by then. If I lose more afterwards they'll get saggy, and if I gain it'll negate the entire point. And surgery is fucking expensive. I've wanted this my entire life so I've gotta fucking make it. Here's to no binges, restricting hard, getting back on track and boycotting chipotle!

.......:.aaaaand I just remembered chipotle exists. Ugh.

---

[Discussion] What is a good source of carbs to break a ~60 hour fast?
/u/star-of-morning [5'1" | no clue | went to treatment | send help]
Created: Thu Jan 5 10:17:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m7muk/what_is_a_good_source_of_carbs_to_break_a_60_hour/
---
Hello all. My SO is out of town for a few days so I've taken it upon myself to fast as much as I can to "detox" from the holidays (and all the weight I gained at treatment). I didn't eat yesterday and I'm not planning on eating today, however I may have 1/2 cup soy milk with a scoop of protein powder after I lift this morning.

(I don't know if anyone here remembers but) I ride horses and I have a lesson tomorrow afternoon, so I need some carbs to get me going through my lesson or I would be putting myself and/or my horse in danger.

Any ideas as to what type of carb would be best to break my short fast with? I was thinking a granola bar or something but that releases so quickly and has so much added sugar. I'd prefer something I don't have to cook or do too much prep with.

Thanks!

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[Discussion] Have no idea how big I am compared to other times in my life.
/u/nobutlisten [5'5 | CW: 101.0 | GW: lol | BMI: 16.8 | F 25 👽]
Created: Thu Jan 5 10:15:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m7mcr/have_no_idea_how_big_i_am_compared_to_other_times/
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It's finally sinking in that I have no idea what size I am and my I think my perception of my own body/size is extremely distorted. In my mind, there was a time when I had first started dating my boyfriend that I had lost a bunch of weight and was feeling so body-confident. I had no problem taking my shirt or my clothes off in front of him.


In between then and now, I gained a bunch of weight. It was awful, like probably 20 pounds? Maybe 30? I'm not positive because this was back when I was trying not to weigh myself anymore as part of my recovery. Ugh.


Anyway, I recently have begun to return to my old eating patterns and have lost some weight (thank god, so relieved it's been coming off). Maybe 25 pounds.
Anyway, the whole point is that I just feel...really big right now. Even though I've lost the weight, maybe it's because I did it so quickly, I still feel like a large person. I definitely think of myself as being bigger now than I was back when I was happy and felt skinny at the beginning of my relationship.


BUT, the weird mind fuck is that I just tried to put on a bra that I remember wearing at that time...and I don't fill it out. It's too big on me, now. Is it possible that I'm still fatter now and my boobs just shrunk? Or more likely that I have an extremely distorted view of my size.


I feel inclined to believe the latter...I'm 5'5" and weigh less than 120 pounds. So why do I feel like an enormous monster. I know I'm not stick thin (still 10 pounds away from my UGW) but I just wish I could look in a mirror and not feel OBESE. I tell my mom and my friends that I feel like an overweight person, and they think I'm just fishing for compliments...I'm not. I feel fat. I want that feeling to go away so bad. But how.


---


TL;DR: Two years ago, I felt super skinny. Now I feel fat. But my clothes are looser on me now than then. WTF?

---

[Rant/Rave] Good news!!
/u/radioactiveicedtea [5'3.75"|CW104|18.38|-34|F]
Created: Thu Jan 5 10:15:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m7mbb/good_news/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Here I am, once again~
/u/DivingRightIn [72in | don't ask | don't tell | ~47.6 | UGW: 120lbs]
Created: Thu Jan 5 10:08:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m7ksk/here_i_am_once_again/
---
/cue Kelly Clarkson/

I was so sure I was done with all of this. I was doing pretty well, I put on a couple pounds, and actually didn't care for the first time in my life. I stopped weighing myself everyday even.

After school ended for the semester and I went home, it was like everything came crashing back down on me... I stepped on the scale and broke down. Now, I'm down 5 pounds. 7 more until my first GW.

I'm back. I missed you guys.

---

[Help] Looking for suggestions: how do you avoid the one food thing you just CAN'T avoid?
/u/Melissa1267 [5'6"| CW 122.2 | 19.72 | GW 118 | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 5 09:46:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m7fx6/looking_for_suggestions_how_do_you_avoid_the_one/
---
Hi all,

I'd love some advice/suggestions from you all as to the best way to avoid that one (or more than one) food item that seems to ALWAYS call out to you, even though it's your ultimate vice. For me, it's nut butters. It doesn't matter if I know that eating an entire jar of almond butter in one sitting is going to make me sick/ashamed, I still find myself doing it. I recognize that what I'm doing is wrong but I'm unable to stop myself. Same thing happens at the grocery store - it's like another brain takes over and suddenly the nut butter is in my shopping cart, then on the belt, then in my bag.

Going cold turkey is probably the best option, but how do you reach the mental point where going cold turkey is an option that you can commit to, successfully? Am I just not mind-over-mattering well enough?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts!

---

[Thinspo] 168.8// Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Thu Jan 5 09:40:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m7eq2/1688_daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/d95ec071ecc44726b1934d9499d4ddc9?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=8aad5459f591a259d1fdf1047fa19208

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[Discussion] Anybody else feel like their ED started with antidepressants?
/u/apiirr [6" | 218 | 30 | -70lbs | male/21]
Created: Thu Jan 5 09:37:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m7e2u/anybody_else_feel_like_their_ed_started_with/
---
Like many others here, I've been struggling with a bunch of mental health stuff that isn't necessarily ED related. I've got some pretty awful manic depression and depersonalization going on, so I started taking antidepressants (Zoloft, mainly) to try and stop my self harming/suicidal thoughts. This made it very very hard for me to eat without having massive stomach aches or diahrea, so to save myself from diahrea, I started puking up most of my food once it was down the hatch. That has evolved into severe body image issues (i've always been a relatively big muscley guy, but for the first time around this time i started wanting to waste away to nothing), and now i'm full on restricting. Any time I do eat it feels like a binge and I have to follow it up with a purge. It's an awful feeling/cycle to be in. I've since quit the anti depressants as they made sex and masturbation impossible. I know that sounds pathetic but I couldn't enjoy food or drink anymore so being able to get off was important. Even sex/masturbation is starting to become more of a chore, though.

Anyways sorry for the little rant. Stay strong guys. We'll be beautiful.

---

[Discussion] Finally resetting after the holidays
/u/x-ko [5'5" | 112.5 | 18.9 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 5 07:55:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m6spp/finally_resetting_after_the_holidays/
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Bit of a rant included in this

As I'm sure is the norm here, holidays were hell for food. On top of that my roommate has a friend staying over so the self-conscious bullshit is doubled. I finally worked up the courage to step on the scale in the last few days of december and it read 120 even.

Which bites because I was down to 110 and it was really hard for me to get there.

In that time I knew I wouldn't be able to go full out restriction because we were going out to dinner constantly and there was so much food moving through the house so instead I just made an effort to never clear my plate.

Last night I binged on pizza and beer in the wake of an anxiety attack and in the interest in preventing another one I'm not worrying too much about it.

Today I stepped on the scale at 116. I'm counting some of that as lost bloat and water weight since I've still been eating pretty close to maintenance every day.

So today the friend left, everyone in the house but me has to work, and I can finally reset from this hellish few weeks.

I'm going to drink water, have a salad for lunch, and go for a walk.

Happy new year everyone~~

---

[Other] Devilled Eggs
/u/no--cake [f | 23.3 | ]
Created: Thu Jan 5 07:17:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m6lx3/devilled_eggs/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Question about birth control
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 5 06:53:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m6hhf/question_about_birth_control/
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Hi all!

I've got a gyno appointment tomorrow and I need to change my pill (Junel) because I'm sick of remembering to take my pill. For those of you on non-pill birth control (the shot, the patch, IUD) , what are you using and is there any associated weight gain? Weight gain is not an option for me haha

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support January 05, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jan 5 05:07:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m615u/weekly_emotional_support_january_05_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 05, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jan 5 05:07:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m6152/daily_food_diary_january_05_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 05, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] Diet debate: Are diet drinks a no-go? - BBC News
/u/Rikicarvu [5'8" | 117lbs | 17.53 | -23lbs |]
Created: Thu Jan 5 03:06:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m5lvi/diet_debate_are_diet_drinks_a_nogo_bbc_news/
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http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-34924036?ocid=socialflow_facebook&ns_mchannel=social&ns_campaign=bbcnews&ns_source=facebook

---

[Thinspo] Holy shit - amazing subreddit for reverse thinspiration
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jan 5 01:05:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m578e/holy_shit_amazing_subreddit_for_reverse/
---
Have you guys seen that weight gain before and after fetish subreddit?! I followed it from the chubby sidebar link (bunch of other reverse thinspiration links in there too). I'm not gonna direct link but here you go r/ wgbeforeafter.

I've had such a terrible week, and no matter how little I eat the scale just won't move down. Looking at this reminds me that at least it's not going up.

---

[Other] today is my birthday and my boyfriend got me a cake.
/u/clinamina [5'11''| 117 | 16.32| -10 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 5 00:43:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m54eu/today_is_my_birthday_and_my_boyfriend_got_me_a/
---
Just a cake. It's HUGE and it has my name on it.

To clarify: I'm not upset, or feeling destabilized or triggered. I just wanted to share bc I doubt anyone would understand the irony (or maybe Alanis Morisette style of irony) and dark humor the way the people in this sub would!

---

[Rant/Rave] I don't deserve to nourish myself.
/u/KatsREAM [5'2"| CW: 104 | GW: 90 | UGW: 74]
Created: Wed Jan 4 23:00:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m4pez/i_dont_deserve_to_nourish_myself/
---
I've lost interest in living and pretending I'm okay. I'm disgusted with my body and my own existence. I don't have the resources I need. My mental wellness has been called into question. If I'm crazy, then so be it. I relinquish my desire to take care of myself. I relinquish my literal and figurative hunger.


I am a toxin to everyone around me. I want to wither into myself.


I won't eat for a week.

---

[Help] Freaking out - dr. Appointment! [help]
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Wed Jan 4 22:46:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m4neg/freaking_out_dr_appointment_help/
---
Omg! I just realized I have a doctors appointment on Friday morning and I'm having a full physical and a complete blood panel done. Mostly for cholesterol, since last they checked it was 298 due to my seroquel. But I'm off all my meds, except vyvanse now. Which I don't get from my doctor...

Two questions- 1) will vyvanse show up on a CBC?
2) will a CBC indicate anorexia? Are there certain levels they check on normal people that could be off for me?

I was excited to go back to the doctor, because I really want to know about my cholesterol numbers. They should not be that high, praying they aren't anymore. But FUCK! What if I'm outing myself with all my other bad habits? Should I cancel? Losing my shit right now. Any feedback is appreciated.

---

Military diet?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 4 22:00:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m4fm9/military_diet/
---
[removed]

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[Help] I've started a new medication and I'm barely eating, so now my head feels "fuzzy" all the time
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 4 21:34:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m4b2a/ive_started_a_new_medication_and_im_barely_eating/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] /r/proED, what is your story?
/u/DietSodaAddict [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Wed Jan 4 20:05:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m3uox/rproed_what_is_your_story/
---
I was abused as a child. Completely helpless to my parents alcoholism. I was bullied for being overweight and alienated from normal human interactions. My mother has a personality disorder, as do I, and both of my parents still struggle with addiction.

My father was heavily abused, so he only knew to do as he was taught: taking his rage out on other people. I remember the nights of endless arguments and tears between my parents and I.

More than anything do I want someone to hear my story. Because, behind every eating disordered person there is one.

What is yours, /r/proED?

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[Rant/Rave] ED and relationships [rant]
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Wed Jan 4 20:04:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m3ugi/ed_and_relationships_rant/
---
I've been in proED for 3-4 months now. You guys are awesome.

Backstory: I'm 27. 5'4". I've had a combination of anorexia, bulimia, orthoexia, binge eating, etc since I was 13. I honestly feel like I can relate to every single one of these disorders. I have gone from 162.5 (13yo) to 110 (17-18yo) stayed around 130 (20-23) and then ballooned up to 200 pounds at 25yo. Now I'm 152.8. I'm super happy to be away from my obese zone, I'm still technically overweight, but I feel pretty great compared to where I was.

Yet still, I look in the mirror, I step on the scale and it just feels like a wasted effort almost. Like, great, I lost a pound or these jeans fit now, but I want them to be loose. Why am I not in the 140's by now. Or 130's. Sigh. I have self harmed a few times due to this, and due to the recent breakup.

For those of you who read the previous rant, this new guy is really fantastic but my god he is going to catch on fast to my (lack of) eating habits. He loves to eat. He is not overweight, very average normal range. But he centers a lot on getting together and having food and my food anxiety is interfering with enjoying my time with him. When he touches me I know he can already feel my hip bones and ribs. Continuing to lose weight will make that even more obvious. Ugh. I have a fairly big bone structure so it doesn't take much to see my ribs or hip bones. But I want to feel my vertebrae, my collarbones, my sternum... grrrrrrr. This new relationship has barely started and I'm already sabotaging myself. He is my dream though, and I can't help but want to be perfect for him. He says I'm perfect already.. but not by my standards.

I'm sad I guess. Some days I really "enjoy" my ED, in the way that it's a part of me I can count on and navigate through. Other days it really fucks everything over and leaves me feeling like a fat shitty whale. I just want to get down to 105, one last time before I try to have a normal life. It's like, I'll just finish this last pack of cigarettes before quitting.

On a lighter note, I've only had 154 calories today. It's 9pm and the only thing left on my meal plan is NyQuil.

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About overposting (your opinion, please):
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 4 18:30:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m3cps/about_overposting_your_opinion_please/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] I'm freaking out
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 4 18:27:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m3c6g/rant_im_freaking_out/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Period bloat is making me hate myself.
/u/jakey-jakey
Created: Wed Jan 4 18:16:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m3a0l/period_bloat_is_making_me_hate_myself/
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(Obligatory I'm on mobile blah blah blah)



I started my period yesterday and I look like I've put on 15 lbs. I feel fucking obese. I know it's just normal period bloat but I've had a rough couple of days thanks to the holiday so my ED brain is telling me I've gained weight from being careless.


I haven't weighed myself yet, but I want to. To know if I'm losing my mind or not. I'm really scared. I know I'm gonna purge my relatively healthy dinner if I don't like what I see. But I never like what I see.


I just need support right now.

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[Rant/Rave] Quitters. Quitters everywhere!
/u/RickyWicky
Created: Wed Jan 4 18:03:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m37mk/quitters_quitters_everywhere/
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[removed]

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[Help] Looking for a music video that was posted a while back
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 4 17:16:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m2y49/looking_for_a_music_video_that_was_posted_a_while/
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[deleted]

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Fuck fuck I'm 154lbs.
/u/chloelouiise
Created: Wed Jan 4 17:05:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m2vpi/fuck_fuck_im_154lbs/
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[removed]

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Eating vinegary foods to burn fat?
/u/onionfae
Created: Wed Jan 4 15:31:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m2bu5/eating_vinegary_foods_to_burn_fat/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] 🎈
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 4 15:19:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m296g/_/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/51a9613483934766997643a6b99353f5?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=38223802f38718a5109c32cc1d3c21a0

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[Rant/Rave] You damn americans
/u/ResurrectionOfMarion
Created: Wed Jan 4 14:52:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m23bl/you_damn_americans/
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I am so jealous of your low calorie bread! The average slice of wholemeal bread in the UK is like 130 and even the gluten free ones are about as high! I wish in the UK you could get a 50kcal slice of bread my life would be so happy then.

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[Help] Restricting while being ill (please tag as help! i'm on mobile)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 4 14:29:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m1y3i/restricting_while_being_ill_please_tag_as_help_im/
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[deleted]

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[Help] What am I doing wrong?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 147 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Wed Jan 4 14:19:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m1vxa/what_am_i_doing_wrong/
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[removed]

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[Help] [Help] I need to turn this around before it morphs into something even worse. I'm scared.
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 101.6 | BMI:19.8 l GW 90| -42 l F]
Created: Wed Jan 4 13:43:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m1nl7/help_i_need_to_turn_this_around_before_it_morphs/
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Hey all... I know I post a lot about my binges on here lately, but here's another. It's been getting really bad.

Last night, I binged and binged to the point of physical pain. Usually I can stop when it starts to hurt. Not last night. I kept fucking going back to the kitchen. The rest of the bag of baby carrots. Then a handful of frozen cookies. The rest of my donut cereal. Spoons of honey. a bag of rice cakes. Mcdonald's fries. I can't even remember the rest, I know there was a lot more though.

The part that really scares me is I was seconds away from purging. Purging has always been a NEVER TRY item for me. I have tried in the past. Not successfully, thank god. But I am usually good about stopping the urge to even think about it. Not last night. I was hovered over the bowl, fingers ready. Then my boyfriend called to me from the other room and I remembered that he was home and I can't do it because he will hear. That's all that stopped me. Not the fear of tooth damage, hair loss, stomach issues. Just that he would hear.

What the fuck is wrong with me. I'm so scared I'm heading down that path. I need to stop binging before I start purging, too. It's looming over my shoulder. I know it's only a matter of time at this point.

I don't even understand why I can't stop binging. I was doing so well. My only reasoning is that since I didn't hit my goal weight in time for school, (I was literally 2 lbs away, wtf brain) I've fucked everything up and this is some kind of new self-torture I'm doing. It's not about hunger. Never has been. Just a compulsion I can't quit for some reason.


Please, please help. I don't want to start purging. The stupidest part of all this is that I have a literal phobia of vomit and vomiting, so I KNOW this is ED talking and not my rational brain. What can I do to stop the binges?

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[Rant/Rave] I've lost two pounds
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 147.2 | 22.1 | -3 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 4 13:32:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m1l9u/ive_lost_two_pounds/
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I've lost two pounds in the past few days, I feel numb to it. I haven't updated my flair but right now I'm around 145... I feel like I won't feel satisfaction until I'm in the 130's again. It kills me because I remember telling myself I wouldn't let myself get fat and go into the 140's again and yet here I am, just getting out of the 150's. I feel hopeless
Can't flair on mobile I'm sorry guys

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[Rant/Rave] Apparently i talk about food too much
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 4 13:02:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m1e85/apparently_i_talk_about_food_too_much/
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[removed]

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[Help] [help] How to reduce "dots" all over body? (Possibly from being cold?)
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 52.5 kg | 19.28 | 18 f]
Created: Wed Jan 4 13:01:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m1e3j/help_how_to_reduce_dots_all_over_body_possibly/
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I look like a leopard daily. I think it might be from freezing, but I'm not sure. People are starting to comment on it :( how do i make it go away? I've been wearing stuff that covers my arms and legs (rip skirts), but it's quite noticeable on my hands.

Pictures are of my arm. I have it on my hands, legs and feet too

https://imgur.com/a/JnMMG

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[Rant/Rave] Post-hospitalization rant
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 114 | HW 180 | LW 107 | 29 F]
Created: Wed Jan 4 12:48:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m1b9d/posthospitalization_rant/
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I guess I just want to talk.

I was reasonably active on proED prior to my hospitalization, then kind of quit cold turkey when I went into the hospital. I'm fucking tired of recovery and I find myself just needing the community again.

I was admitted in mid-November at a BMI of 17 and was discharged 18 days later after I insisted every day that they were making me worse. It was a horrible experience. I really felt they were cruel at times. And ever since the middle of the hospitalization once I started really gaining weight, I've had super-frequent self-harm urges (and, sometimes, actions).

I'm tired of constantly wanting to hurt myself. I want to restrict again to make the feelings go away. I got back from visiting my family at Christmas a few days ago and lost my mind when I saw that I've hit a BMI of 19. I'm back to 18.6, but it's not even close to enough. I'm disgusting. As impossible as med school is while you restrict, I desperately just need to. I can't take feeling like this anymore. I don't know how much I can afford to restrict, but I'm just losing my goddamn mind.

So... hi again. I think I've returned to lurk and comment. Thanks very much for hearing me out.

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[Other] Thank you guys for everything, and goodbye
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 4 12:24:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m15r1/thank_you_guys_for_everything_and_goodbye/
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This is it. I'm so done with my ED. I want a new life. I want to be able to eat without crying, weighing and feeling ok with it, and to overall be happier. I'm not going to be trapped in this. I want to enjoy the rest of my teen years. 4 years. 4. Years. I'm 15 for fucks sake. I should be going out with friends, not worrying about possible food consumption.

Don't even get me started on the toll it takes on the family. I can't stand seeing my mother cry. I hate the awkwardness at family dinners, or the way my family would give side glances at my depressing portions.

I've faked recovery before, and I can't stand to do it again . This time I really, really want to get better. I'm sick of starving, over exercising, throwing up- I'm so. So. So done.

This journey has been hell, but I truly feel that I can get better. I feel like I'm finally worth something more than another (previously) thin woman on the streets. I want more in this life than to slowly kill myself.

I'm going back to our eating disorder program on the ninth.

Thank you all so, so much. I wish the best for each and every single one of you.

Goodbye, proED.

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[Rant/Rave] I thought I'd be happy once I hit an underweight BMI, but I just feel numb
/u/sunyeti [5'6" | 114 | 18.4 | -24lbs | 22F]
Created: Wed Jan 4 11:59:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m104y/i_thought_id_be_happy_once_i_hit_an_underweight/
---
I stepped on the scale today and it read 114, which, by a very small margin, puts me at an underweight BMI. I thought I'd stop losing when I hit 115, my original goal, but I've lost control and want to keep losing. Right now I want to hit 109, but I feel that when I hit 109, I'll want to hit 102 etc. I have no desire to stop losing, and the idea of gaining panics me.

I have two older sisters, and would hate to cause them any distress (they'd worry if they knew). But I go to college pretty far from home (and live alone) so it's been easy to indulge myself and stay off their radar.

I feel pretty delicate on the inside, mentally, and want my exterior to reflect this. I want to seem small, fragile, like a doll. It's an unhealthy fixation, but I'm sure some can relate. I have depression/anxiety, and I've always used restriction as a coping mechanism, fixating on my weight (something internal, within my control) keeps me from being overwhelmed by the world (outside my control). But, I always viewed it as a symptom of my depression, and my desire to restrict would lessen when I was happier. But, now it's spiraled into a separate issue. I feel that my thoughts/behaviors, which I've always categorized as disordered eating but not an ED, have developed into a full-blown ED. I've just been sitting with this realization this morning, meanwhile sipping on coffee and planning my day so I don't eat too much.

Bad metaphor: someone decides to declutter their house to distract themselves, and it takes a while, because they have so much junk. But, one day, they wake and find that they succeeded and now own only the necessities. Instead of being pleased, they still feel an impulse to "declutter" because that task gave them a sense of purpose. So they continue. But, now, instead of throwing away random junk, they start throwing out necessities. (i.e. what I feel like I'm doing, but the compulsion is much stronger than the desire to stop)

TLDR: reached a new low weight, feeling :) :( :|

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How is gaining this amount of weight even possible?
/u/Painfullythin
Created: Wed Jan 4 11:17:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m0qkw/how_is_gaining_this_amount_of_weight_even_possible/
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https://youtu.be/KKDPFzlAfbw

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[Rant/Rave] Thank you, fiance.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 4 11:15:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m0q67/thank_you_fiance/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I keep fucking up
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 4 10:42:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m0ik3/i_keep_fucking_up/
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[deleted]

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[Thinspo] 168// Daily Thinspo. ✨💕
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed Jan 4 10:30:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m0g30/168_daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/1de9bc204bb7494baf6fd35b85e4dca8?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=d69632672a7c05d4834c1d95549160eb

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My therapist told me that I don't have an eating disorder
/u/FavorSlave- [5"8 | 18.8 | F19]
Created: Wed Jan 4 10:13:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5m0c7j/my_therapist_told_me_that_i_dont_have_an_eating/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I have what I think is a stomach ulcer but I'm using my ED as an excuse...
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Wed Jan 4 09:15:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lzz46/i_have_what_i_think_is_a_stomach_ulcer_but_im/
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I'm actually incredibly worried. I have had constant pain in my stomach for about a week, it has progressed into bad bad bad acid reflux.


I haven't been eating as much which I barely noticed until my boyfriend pointed it out and I stepped on the scale...to my surprise, I've lost 4 lbs.


I'm thinking I'm going to die or something because I ignored the pain for a week until now. I was putting it up to my ED as my excuse, because telling myself I have willpower over my eating makes me feel better about actually legitimately being afraid to eat because it hurts so bad.


I've been eating maybe <1000 calories a day..the only good that's come out of this was weight loss.. I feel horrible.



I'm going to the doctor after work...

Ugh life.

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[Rant/Rave] Just looked at the Wikipedia for "Wannarexia". Now I feel like crap and a faker.
/u/llamadude00
Created: Wed Jan 4 08:56:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lzv73/just_looked_at_the_wikipedia_for_wannarexia_now_i/
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I eat max 500 calories a day. For me, a binge is 200 calories over.. I've cried over this. I've stressed over this so much, fought with my friends over this. I've tried to eat more occasionally but I can't. I just can't.

And I just read this and now all I'm worrying about is if I'm a faker. It said that if you derive pleasure from weight loss instead of being upset that it's still not enough that you don't actually have anorexia. /: maybe I am a faker since I love seeing the scale go down. Maybe I am a faker because I'm a teen girl. Maybe I am a faker because I feel the restriction high. Maybe I am a faker because I'm not underweight yet.

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[Help] Family lunches and estimating calorie anxiety!
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 108 | 19.8 | -61| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Wed Jan 4 08:33:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lzqgp/family_lunches_and_estimating_calorie_anxiety/
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Hello you wonderful, beautiful people!
I am staying with my father and his wife for the month of January, and we usually eat whatever cooks for us for lunch. They've been pretty good about letting me dress my own salad, leaving out oil etc. But I am having some anxiety about not being able to pre-measure my servings. (my father knows about my ED and it would be too suspicious).
Today, she made a Lebanese dish that is basically boiled chickpeas cooked with garlic and salt and cumin.The oil isn't added until afterwords.
I estimated about 2 cups of cooked chickpeas, but I was so racked with anxiety over not knowing the exact amount, I went back and filled my bowl with water to the point my food was at using a measuring cup. It turned out to be 1.5 so I rounded up and logged 2 cups of cooked chickpeas (540 calories). Do you think this is close to accurate?

As long as it is below 600 calories, it falls within my calorie limits because I have been allowing that for lunch.

Sorry for the long post, this is really really causing me anxiety.

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[Discussion] Would you rather...?
/u/ameliasophia [5'4 | 108 |GW: 92| 19.9 | -19 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 4 08:28:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lzpb1/would_you_rather/
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Would you rather find out that your kitchen scale is wrong and you've actually been eating about 500-1000 calories a day more than you thought, or that your bathroom scale is wrong and you actually weigh 5-10lbs more than you actually thought?

I always worry about my scales being wrong/inaccurate so I think about this one a lot...

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[Rant/Rave] Accepting weight loss won't be as quick
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 4 08:04:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lzkjm/accepting_weight_loss_wont_be_as_quick/
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Blah, Just a rambly thing

There's something gratifying about very quick weight loss, I use to manage to lose 3 pounds a week. Arguably I never dieted before and was overweight at the time. I gave up the last time at 124 because it took 'too long' to lose anything.

The thing is I AM losing, Quite a lot. I looked back through my records and last month I lost 6.6, So right around 1.5 pounds a week(Including the "Eat a whole pan of fruitcake" day), Which nobody can say is a failure. I just got so use to seeing a new number everyday for months and now I just kind of jump between two numbers for a week or more before I drop down a number or two

Thing is my eating is relatively sustainable right now(Which is ironic for someone with disordered eating), And I know that going lower doesn't do anything good. So I know if I keep eating the way I am I'll see results eventually. It's just different now and I have trouble accepting it, If that makes sense.

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When I binge, I want nothing more than to be hungry again. When I'm hungry, I want nothing more than to binge.
/u/nyopq [5'11 | 174.0 | 24.3 | GW: 110 | M]
Created: Wed Jan 4 07:56:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lzizm/when_i_binge_i_want_nothing_more_than_to_be/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] What do you use to estimate calories burned?
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 113 GW: 85 | -18 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Jan 4 07:55:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lzivr/what_do_you_use_to_estimate_calories_burned/
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I am crunching numbers to see how much more I should exercise but I'm unsure about something. If you swim for an hour, for example, how do you estimate how much you burned? I know exercise machines give you an estimate and lose it has estimates that you can log for lots of different exercises. Which is most accurate?

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[Discussion] Why I love January...
/u/ResurrectionOfMarion
Created: Wed Jan 4 07:21:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lzcsn/why_i_love_january/
---
I love it when January comes around because there are so many weight loss and diet tv programmes on everyday, everybody seems to be obsessing over new diets, supplements and fitness gadgets coming out :) I love to surround myself with shit like this, it just makes me focused and happy.

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[Rant/Rave] when u shit the metaphorical bed
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 151lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -14lbs | f]
Created: Wed Jan 4 07:12:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lzazl/when_u_shit_the_metaphorical_bed/
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welp shit. the holidays went ---- poorly would actually be an understatement.

ate/drank well over 2000 cals a day, and literally gained 4 pounds back. (i refuse to change my flair because them pounds is gonna be gone asap B< )

wtf at me why

im so excited to fly back to school and use my own scale, and my food scale.

idk why i just have 0 self control in a house that has so much food. fucking mashed potatoes.

hows everyone else doing?

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[Rant/Rave] Deleted a 900 calorie mini-binge from my log...
/u/smokesanddietcokes [28/F | SW: 105kg | CW: 51kg | GW 1: 45kg ( UGW: 39.9kg )]
Created: Wed Jan 4 07:08:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lzack/deleted_a_900_calorie_minibinge_from_my_log/
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I just panicked today.

I was hungry, yes, fasting and then restricting the last two days... but not too bad, had all my meals planned out. My breakfast I had planned would've kept me going through gym (350kcal), and my planned meals after would've been fine. Then I saw three protein flapjack bars that I didn't get rid of at New Year. I meant to, but I forgot them. I keep them in the same cupboard as my breakfast food for some reason, even though they have never been a breakfast - I think because they're oaty. Honestly I don't know how they ended up there, they should've been in the 'treat' cupboard. Usually I'd have them during cheats/binges.

One thing lead to another and I just ate them all. I wont describe the process - hunger, spot binge food, panic, anxiety, trying to restrict, forbidden, hungry - I'm sure most people here know all too well how it feels, either from doing it themselves or reading about it on this subreddit. I also had a touch of 'Well I'm meant to be bulking anyway lol' in the back of my mind, excusing me going to town on these bars... despite the fact that eating more has NOT done anything to make me happier over the last month and I feel like utter shite about the weight gain.

Ate them. Then I hated myself, started panicing more... and decided to do something usually I'd loathe to do. I deleted them from my calorie log. They're gone now, they were the last 'binge food' in my cupboards. To leave them there, staring at me, is going to make me panic for the rest of the week. I know I did it, but I really need to calm down if I'm going to get any control of my intake.

They're gone. It's over.

Plus side, 54g of protein in one go ain't too bad. Lol. *~cry~*

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[Discussion] question for those of you with SO's/partners?
/u/ifuckpineapples [5'3" | 101.8 | 18.0 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 4 06:51:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lz7el/question_for_those_of_you_with_sospartners/
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I couldn't figure out how to word this well enough to fit in the title, sorry. context first:

recently I've started dating this new guy and we connect super well, everything's amazing etc. but then of course the ED part of my head latched onto the fact that he said he loved my "smaller frame" and that I was like the perfect body type for him. he only mentioned it once but I've of course latched onto it and used it as restriction motivation. then today he sent me a song that he said made him think of me (clavical by alkaline trio, if you care to look it up. it's actually pretty good) and with clavical being a prominent word on repeat in the song, I just felt this shiver in my gut saying "see, this is why you shouldn't eat" even though I know he would hate for me to fast or restrict. I just can't ignore my thoughts on this one, I don't know why.

question is, if your partner has ever indicated that they like thin girls/guys, or said you looked good at your low weight, how does that affect you? does it make you feel good, or kind of shitty? is it motivating or depressing? just wanted to hear some other opinions on this type of situation.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] I think my cat knows when I binge.
/u/orangejujubes
Created: Wed Jan 4 06:43:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lz62b/rant_i_think_my_cat_knows_when_i_binge/
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I know this sounds weird and really paranoid. I live with my SO (who knows of my struggles) and two cats. Both of my cats are really loving and affectionate, but the older one sticks to me like glue when I get anxious - he rubs at my legs and meows until I pick him up, then he purrs like a lawn mower and nips my hand until I pet him (petting him really helps calm me down). When I binge though, he gets more aggressive and starts nipping my ankles, angry meows, and paws at my legs the whole time. Sometimes this stops me from eating as much as I might otherwise, but when I do purge he follows me to the bathroom scratching and hissing at the door if when close it, when I'm done I usually just sit on the floor or couch and he comes over to purr loudly, and licks my face with soft mews while I hug him.
I don't know if he knows really what's going on, but it's obvious that he can sense my distress and I feel so so guilty about it - honestly, I feel even worse than if my SO or another person were to worry in a similar (human) manner. Sometimes I worry that I'm making him anxious too, though he doesn't show any signs, cats are apparently masters at hiding pain.
I guess I'm just curious to know if anyone else has similar experiences with their pets. If so..how do they act, how do they help you, and how do you handle it??

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[Other] A vlog of mine (in the hospital from a few months back)
/u/DietSodaAddict [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Wed Jan 4 06:31:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lz4ao/a_vlog_of_mine_in_the_hospital_from_a_few_months/
---
https://youtu.be/KuSs9T6ZZ9Q

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[Help] Bmi of 16.7 / 15.5 and I need tips on how to not be freezing all the time
/u/eldariya [6'4 | 140 | 15.97 | -126 | M]
Created: Wed Jan 4 06:14:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lz1cd/bmi_of_167_155_and_i_need_tips_on_how_to_not_be/
---
hey its your resident anorexic teen Russian giant lmao.
Long story short, I've gained like 0,8 bmi points in which I'm happy about however now I'm even colder than before when I was bmi 15/14. How can I keep warm? No matter what I do, I am freezing cold. I live in between the UK which gets to like -5c and Russia which gets to -50c however I feel equally cold in both...someone help me pls [thank uuu](https://youtu.be/4X4_OuSVwqg?list=LLAyzvfLoo3z8IIhE_f-5UWA&t=595)

---

[Help] How long can I fast until my body starts doing serious damage?
/u/LFMarblesPST [5'9 | CW: 149 | GW :130 | HW: 182 | BMI: 22 | M]
Created: Wed Jan 4 05:57:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lyyl1/how_long_can_i_fast_until_my_body_starts_doing/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] What's the most weight you've ever lost in a month and what did you eat to lose that much?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jan 4 05:49:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lyxee/whats_the_most_weight_youve_ever_lost_in_a_month/
---
[removed]

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[Intro] Intro & feeling hopeless
/u/HerbalTeaCigarettes [165 cm| 52,3 kg | 19,4 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 4 05:14:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lyscn/intro_feeling_hopeless/
---
Hello there,

I don't know how to start, really. 2016 was a crazy, crazy year for me with sky high ups and quite bad downs. I go to University and don't live with my parents anymore. I have an ED for mostly as long as I can remember changing extreme restriction cycles with binging and/or overexercising. I can't remember the time I had a normal relationship to food or my body.
Usually I keep my weight around 50 kg, (~110 lbs) but somewhere along the summer I gained nearly 5 f***** kilo. (I am 5"5 !) On my birthday in late June I weighed 50,2 kg and felt quite okay about myself. 3 bloody months later I was 5 kg (11 lbs!!!!) heavier. I didn't notice my weight being so out of control until that point when I stepped on my scale.

Well that was in September. Since September I tried to regain my strength and control that I had for years. With no success so far. I started going to the gym, I skipped meals like I did before but nothing seems to work in the long run.
All my clothes don't fit anymore so I wear sweatpants and large shirts all day long. I completely stopped caring for myself because I am so disgusted. Well now this is over. Over the past few weeks I could tell I could resist a little bit better every day. The last few days I managed to only eat dinner and not a really large portion. But somehow this seems to be enough for me to maintain my current frame. Have to admit I sat on my fat ass all day watching Netflix and sleeping ~14-16h. So there's that.

But I just can't go on like this. This body, this isn't me! 4 years ago I weighed 133 lbs but when I got together with my SO the weight just fell off. Struggling with an ED for 8 years at that point it was amazing. Finally I felt alive. I still have that myfitnesspal account where I can see the numbers just dropping and dropping and yet now I can't even manage to lose one single kilo?!

It's been some time since I fasted so today I'm gonna do it. I want to wear my cute lacy clothes again. I want people to comment on my skinny waist again. I want to have fun with makeup again. I hate myself so, so much.

Anyway I hope we can share some tips and motivation here. If anyone needs someone to talk to, you can always feel free to PM me :)

PS: I should probably talk about my goals here? Well my first goal is seeing 52,3 kg on the scale again (115 lbs) because around that weight my "skinny clothes" fit. My UGW is 48,5 kg (107 lbs) because then my sisters clothes fit me (she's 4 years older and really thin). Also I will stay overseas (USA, yay!) next year for 6 months. Nothing against you guys, but every single person I know who went to the USA gained a significant amount of weight. I guess we Europeans just can't deal with your portion sizes :D So my UG is also to maintain my 48,5 kg until that time and over the course of the 6 months I stay there. I hope to find some friends from the USA here aswell! Think I have to learn a thing or two ;)

I wish you all a tea-filled cozy day <3

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[Rant/Rave] Iced coffee went waaaay up in calories...
/u/electille [5'7 | 123 | 19.2 | ?]
Created: Wed Jan 4 05:12:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lys66/iced_coffee_went_waaaay_up_in_calories/
---
There are some bottled ice coffees here, and one that used to be approx 60cal is 190 now? I had two of them today and I'm freaking out i hate drinking my calories but wanted cold coffee idk what to do

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday January 04, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jan 4 05:08:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lyro5/way_to_go_wednesday_january_04_2017/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for January 04, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 04, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jan 4 05:08:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lyrng/daily_food_diary_january_04_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 04, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Tip] Nutribullet blender
/u/forgetyoumusteat
Created: Wed Jan 4 03:06:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lyc96/nutribullet_blender/
---
For Christmas I asked my parents for a Nutribullet blender since I'm moving away to university and need my own appliances.

I've used it a couple of times and I've realised how useful it is to get in low cal nutrients, I've been making smoothies with just water and spinach, a banana and strawberries which goes under two hundred calories, and I am so full afterwards, whilst staying hydrated.

I recommend nutribullet because you can blend your drink in the cup you'll drink from, and the blender itself is very simple- only three parts. I got mine for about 95 AUD. I swear I'm not advertising, just wanting to share my newfound love.

I think it's a good tool to stay healthy, because I struggle to keep myself hydrated and I don't really want to eat just a plain bag of spinach.

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[Rant/Rave] I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I'm not anorexic, I'm just a failure.
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 24.03 | -68lbs | M]
Created: Wed Jan 4 00:20:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lxrng/i_dont_even_know_what_im_doing_anymore_im_not/
---
I don't feel like I'm disordered, I just feel like a huge disappointment. Today was another fucking binge. Every third day for two weeks I've binged and I hate myself so much. I started so strong, I did so well and now I can't stop myself. I'm not even restricting that heavily and I cut out my fasting days entirely. Tonight I was sitting here telling myself over and over that I ate enough and that I'd just hate myself if I binged and how I'll never reach my goals if I keep doing this and I fuCKING BINGED ANYWAY. I feel fat and disgusting and unlovable, I'm never going to make it to my birthday GW at this pace and knowing that just makes me want to binge more because what's the point after all? I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just awful and I can't change that I guess. Fuck me, right? Oh wait, no one ever will because I'm a damn whale.

---

[Thinspo] probably one of the strangest things I've ever done, but here is some thrift-store-doll body shots.
/u/siamesealmeidaa [height:5'6" | CW:120lbs | BMI:19.4 | weight lost:18lb | gender:F]
Created: Tue Jan 3 23:47:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lxn1m/probably_one_of_the_strangest_things_ive_ever/
---
https://imgur.com/gallery/sIh8z

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The final push I didn't need
/u/Smooth_N_Groove
Created: Tue Jan 3 23:34:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lxl1l/the_final_push_i_didnt_need/
---
So I've been lurking here for a while now and something just happened that I need to get off my chest.

First off I don't have a diagnosed eating disorder but my daily life is definitely crippled by how I eat. I do want to get help for it but I don't want to have to admit it to my parents. Around July last year I got to a bmi of 23 and that combined with emotional struggles with my mum caused me to go into a binge/restrict cycle. I also started running a lot. I eventually got down to 62 kilos and couldn't lose anymore so instead I limited myself to 1000 calories a day. I did this right up until Christmas and got to a bmi of 19.0 or 54.5 kilos. Everyone started making comments on my weight and I missed a period so I decided after Christmas I would eat at around 1800 calories and try and gain some weight. (If I didn't lose my period I would probs still be restricting)

Anyway today while I was at the beach with my mum who has been concerned about my weight she said something soul crushing. " You're getting fat now because your not exercising " then laughed and said just kidding. Ugh just when I was feeling good about myself she had to say that. So now I'm restricting lower than ever and I feel awful. Sigh, well thanks for reading my ranty introduction sort of thing.

Here's my stats btw
F|14|SW-65kg|CW-53.8kg|BMI 18.62|170cm

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[Rant/Rave] My period and all symptoms is giving the middle finger to my ED mind.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 3 23:01:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lxg4h/my_period_and_all_symptoms_is_giving_the_middle/
---
[deleted]

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[Intro] I have been lurking, so I'm saying "hello". I have no one in my life to talk to in regards to my ED. [LONG]
/u/siamesealmeidaa [height:5'6" | CW:120lbs | BMI:19.4 | weight lost:18lb | gender:F]
Created: Tue Jan 3 22:57:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lxfgs/i_have_been_lurking_so_im_saying_hello_i_have_no/
---
As I write this, I'm shoveling homemade soup into my mouth. It's supposed to be safe.

It's not.

I wanted to fast today. It was my birthday this New Years weekend, and I ate like it was. My body was unhappy. I'm unhappy. I wanted to fast for at least two days.
As I write this, I am shoveling soup into my mouth.

I am self aware. I know that in the grand scheme of things, all of this soup is probably less than 300cal. I know that that is nothing.
But it's too much.

For my birthday, I was gifted a personal trainer. The excitement I feel is immense.

I am very average. It makes me feel afraid. I feel like, if I was extreme, I could be something. I can't just be skinny I have to be *thin.* I have to be strong. I have to be pretty, and I want to do whatever I can to make that happen.

I want to be a ballerina. I'm clumsy, lumpy, and not flexible.

Even if I do manage to reach a "goal", my body will never be good enough. I'll never feel comfortable. I have one child. I love him. He wr3cked me tho.

I am mentally ill. I am maintaining. The biggest issue affecting my life is my *quality* of life. Unfortunately, the quality is ~~really fucking bad I hate myself more than anything on this earth~~ poor. I am aware that this route of "self improvement" is counter productive.
I must hurt myself to function.

This is a mass wall of text with little context, and even less sequence. If you've read until the end, that's pretty cool. I crave validation.

I enjoy listening and giving solicited advice. I also found thinspo at a thrift store and am excited to share it with you all because i kno u guys get it.

I'm not sure what I'd like to be called. PMs are not discouraged.

---

[Rant/Rave] Sad rant about wedding and mother-daughter relationships
/u/dontcareifithurts__ [5'4.5 | 114.4 | - 6.8 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 3 22:41:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lxctf/sad_rant_about_wedding_and_motherdaughter/
---
Mobile, no flair. Sorry.

This particular post is less about food and more about my wedding & relationship with my mother, (both of which affect my ED majorly, though). I just don't want to post it anywhere else due to my account history on here.

Long story short, my mom is ruining my wedding. She always finds something negative to say, no matter what we talk about, and she's throwing fits over everything she can. No matter how I try to accommodate her or how many times I ask her what she wold like me to do, it seems all she wants to do is passive-aggressively complain and disagree and argue.

Most recently, she has told me that she won't get ready with me on my wedding day. This is because everyone is getting ready at my Fiancé's parents' house, because his parents have a very large and nice home that is close to our venue, with a great backyard for taking photos. His parents have invited my parents to come hang out there before the wedding while we get ready, and I offered to pay for my mom to get her hair and makeup done with me at their house, and she said no. She thinks it would be awkward and strange to get ready at the groom's parents' house instead of her own. She wont budge, and it is really upsetting me that she can't put her awkward feelings aside to get ready with me on my wedding day.

Our parents have all met more than once and will be seeing each other plenty more times before the wedding, and they get along fine... she's just upset that I'm not getting ready at her house. Her house is messy, disorganized, cluttered, and dirty. To top it off, it isn't my childhood home and I have never lived in it. It's a rental home that is in a different city as the venue.

Sorry for the long post I just feel like I've burdened my friends enough and now I'm turning to the Internet for support. All this stuff makes eating nearly impossible, and when I do eat it seems I'm just binging on chocolate... but that's not what I wanted to talk about in this post.

---

Support anyone?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 3 22:09:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lx7g9/support_anyone/
---
[removed]

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[Other] went on vacation for christmas...
/u/girlinamber [5'6 | too much | not enough | nb]
Created: Tue Jan 3 21:53:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lx4k6/went_on_vacation_for_christmas/
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my boyfriend and i took a ten day trip to spend christmas/nye with his dad and his family. granted, i ate at a ton of dinners, but managed to mostly stay calm and portion myself properly. i actually ended up feeling a lot smaller because i feel awkward eating at other peoples houses, and only ever ate when their kids had meals. but now it's been my first day home, and all i've done today was binge eat. mostly fruit/salads, with bits of junk in between, simply because i can.
i feel like total garbage. i can't even exercise properly because i seriously injured my tail bone playing in the snow :( i hope this feeling stops soon and i can get back into my routine. i feel like i broke it the minute i left home.

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[Other] (Tmi) (other) I ate an entire jar of pickles to make sure I didn't binge and now I have diarrhea.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 3 20:38:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lwrdi/tmi_other_i_ate_an_entire_jar_of_pickles_to_make/
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I guess I basically did an unexpected salt water flush. Ha. Fuck.

/mobile.

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Itchy skin due to gaining weight
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Tue Jan 3 20:38:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lwrcb/itchy_skin_due_to_gaining_weight/
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Does anybody else get itchy skin when gaining weight? It's such an irritating feeling, like ants crawling on your back, neck and legs.

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[Other] Lost my job today, I'm just going to stay in my apartment until I starve and die.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 3 19:00:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lw8lw/lost_my_job_today_im_just_going_to_stay_in_my/
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[deleted]

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Drug Use Australia
/u/Uppity-Kitten
Created: Tue Jan 3 18:15:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lvzu3/drug_use_australia/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] When you can't sleep so you eat something AND IT DOESN'T FUCKING HELP
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 59.7 | GW: < 57 | 19.95/19.72 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 3 17:33:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lvr6y/when_you_cant_sleep_so_you_eat_something_and_it/
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Two hard boiled eggs and Cholula. Today was going so well too, just an apple and a banana.

Fuck me. 🙃🙃🙃

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[Discussion] For the guys/boys/men here
/u/RickyWicky
Created: Tue Jan 3 16:44:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lvgsb/for_the_guysboysmen_here/
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What is your sexual orientation?

I've always wondered if straight guys develop eating disorders. Especially guys who want to be thin, and not specifically to have a low body fat percentage when doing bodybuilding, because that also happens more than one would think.

Sorry, this comes probably as a very close minded statement and I don't mean it as such.

My personal situation is that I am a guy and I want to be thin, and generally speaking I'm not straight. So from that point of view, what's your story?

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[Help] Sub 300 cal meal suggestions?
/u/penthea [5'9 | behemoth | GW:120 | 24F]
Created: Tue Jan 3 16:40:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lvftt/sub_300_cal_meal_suggestions/
---
Hello lovelies,

I've recently been trying off and on to up my daily calorie count to help with work concentration but as of now it's just causing me a lot of extra food anxiety and purging. Obviously that doesn't really help with studying much so I'm going to stay around 500-600. I don't think that relying so hard on pb2 and corn thins is helping my attempts to branch out and eventually up calories so do any of you lovelies have any suggestions for 300 cal or less meals? I know it's a silly question but I am so tired and stressed out that my brain is melting a bit and I'm struggling to think creatively. Really hope this makes sense and doesn't sound too stupid, love you all <3

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[Rant/Rave] Christmas Rant, New Year Rave
/u/ghostbydefault
Created: Tue Jan 3 16:05:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lv86f/christmas_rant_new_year_rave/
---
The holidays have made me huge. I still don't have a scale which is hindering my progress a lot. I won't be able to get one until I'm employed again, which will hopefully be soon. I'm huge right now and I haven't been able to stop binging. All I've done in the past few days is eat and sleep. Today's the first day in a while that I have been awake and feel disgusted with my eating. I felt so much better when I wasn't eating and I am trying to just drink water right now and hope tomorrow I feel better. I feel so gross. Fuck you, holidays for putting me through this.

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[Rant/Rave] *Cue 'In The End' soundbyte*
/u/PersonaThief [5' 2.5" | 137.2 lbs | 25.5 BMI | -36.8 lbs | Male | 23]
Created: Tue Jan 3 15:55:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lv62n/cue_in_the_end_soundbyte/
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Does anyone even listen to that song any more? That was a 'thing' from like...middle school. Before we actually called them 'memes,' even. Like, I'm not even 100% sure *YouTube* was a 'thing' yet. Damn, I feel old now.

So a few months ago, I was restricting REALLY badly. It was undoubtedly the worst episode I've had in my life. OCD fed into ED, Borderline/Bipolar impulses not helping, and I would spike into mania (with random bouts of BDD) -- it was all just a huge mess. (The ED/BDD, ironically, are the only two I don't have "officially" diagnosed by a professional.)

I lost a lot. Really fast. *Too* fast. It was bad.

My abusive housemate (who is also my grandmother) praised me for my "commitment" and how "great" I looked. Despite my "shopping list" for the entirety of a given week consisting of a couple containers of different kinds of berries (for. Y'know. Variety.), some bananas, and a box of spinach -- she never said a word, beyond encouragement. "I only wish I could do what you do!"

Then I realized I had to kinda-sorta (at least temporarily) recover, as I had major surgery coming up. It was kinda important that I heal properly from this, so I spent a whole 2 months or so (very) slowly working my way back up to semi-normal eating. It kinda worked, despite being very difficult and very not-fun.

I've been kinda cruising there for a while, now. Not eating "normally," but certainly better than I was. I'm around 4 1/2 months post-surgery. I gained back no more than 1/4th of what I lost, and all of that was *likely* water-weight (as it happened pretty quickly, and I'd completely stopped drinking water/raised my sodium intake considerably). However, it just sort of...won't go away. At all. Despite a surgery that should've (as a side-effect of having shit removed) caused me to drop ~15 lbs, I weigh *exactly* what I weighed GOING IN.

And my housemate has definitely taken note. I was sitting, sort of hunched over in my chair at the table without a shirt on -- fat rolls rather visible (as they would have been on ANYONE in that position). She immediately talked about how *badly* I needed to get to the gym (I'm physically disabled due to a connective tissue disorder and chronic pain, and am in a wheelchair when I leave the house), how much I *really* needed to clean my diet up (when she never keeps any food in the house, and regularly goes out for fast food instead) -- and how I was just getting (and I quote), *"Bigger and bigger and bigger..."* Have I mentioned she's 5'1" and around 195 lbs? Oh, but she blames it on some polio vaccine she got as a child. Because yeah, that's *totally* the reason she's obese.

And to top it all off, for 3 months now I've now been feeling horrendously ill and experiencing SHOOTING stomach pains (like, debilitatingly so) every single time I eat. I didn't use my pain pump after they removed my wisdom teeth (without stitches), or after they removed my thyroid -- so when I say it hurts? *It fucking hurts.* I bleed every time I have a BM, sometimes *startlingly* heavily. At first, I went to the ER. They tested my blood and urine, and did a CT scan. Found nothing, patted me on the head, and sent me home. I saw a G.I. specialist. He did a colonoscopy and endoscopy. Found nothing, groaned about how I should never "Google" my symptoms, and sent me home. I saw my G.P. His exact words were, "It's not 'life-threatening,' so I'm not gonna bother chasing your symptoms." (Very specifically pointed out that I hadn't actually lost any weight, so it wasn't anything to be worried about.) Didn't even bother looking, blamed it on something we found a distinct *lack* of during my colonoscopy (hemorrhoids. Because those totally cause stomach pains, amirite?), and sent me home. My mother thinks I'm just a mix of "too stressed out" and "backed up" and keeps trying to shove these bullshit colon cleanses and "mantras" off on me.

For 3 months now, I've been fighting this as it has steadily gotten worse, fluffing my calories at every turn and eating high-calorie meals as what little I eat every day. Struggling to keep it all down. Trying *desperately* not to slip back and restrict again.

I'm so close to the edge of literally just fasting until my stomach calms the fuck down. Until these "supposed" *20-25 lbs* of "water weight" melt the fuck away, so I can get back to where I *should* be.

Tl;dr: *Round 2, motherfucker.*

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[Rant/Rave] I have to go for a meal with my family tomorrow and there's not a single part of me that wants to go
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Tue Jan 3 15:35:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lv1r6/i_have_to_go_for_a_meal_with_my_family_tomorrow/
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I'm sitting here crying my eyes out because I'm so anxious about having to go to this meal. There's no way I can avoid it, my mum would be devistated, she's really looking forward to having all her kids together for it and spending time with each other. There'll be no low calorie foods that I can stand to eat, there's no calories listed on the menu, everyone's gonna be there and they're gonna see how much I've eaten, there might even be pudding afterwards and knowing how weak I am, I'll probably end up having that too. All I want is to escape to somewhere where food doesn't exist. Why does food have to be a social thing? Why can't we do something else as a family? My mum is the one who organised this and she's supposed to be on a diet. I hate food.

I'm sorry for the rant, I'm not in a good place right now.

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[Discussion] I don't have any friends.
/u/secretsmallbean [5'6 | 106 | 17.18 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 3 15:27:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lv03p/i_dont_have_any_friends/
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So this isn't entirely ED related, but it is part of why I restrict. I often hear people say, "I have no friends." I find that this is not usually the case. Most often, people have one or two friends and equate that to having no friends. When I say I have no friends, I mean I literally have no one. I feel like I have lost all social skills. I feel like I can hardly carry a one on one conversation. I used to be outgoing and funny- and I did have friends. Now, I just don't make any effort. Sorry for this rambling rant, I just needed to vent.

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[Other] Small victories are still victories
/u/MeraxesPestis [5'2" | 204.8 lbs | 38.8 | -85.2 lbs | GQ]
Created: Tue Jan 3 14:43:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5luqgs/small_victories_are_still_victories/
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I lost weight between yesterday and today. It's only .8 lbs, but it's the first time since Christmas my weight has gone down instead of up.

Even knowing intellectually that's just water weight & a completely normal fluctuation and therefore insignificant, I suddenly feel so much better. It's weird how the mind works sometimes.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that something made me feel good for a change! I hope you all are having days where you can find something that makes you feel good about yourselves too!

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[Rant/Rave] I feel so guilty...
/u/fujiiko [5ft 10.5 | 112lbs/8 stone | 18BMI | F]
Created: Tue Jan 3 14:41:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lupv5/i_feel_so_guilty/
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Yesterday my boyfriend and me were talking about New Year's Resolutions. I said I didn't have one, and he said "Can you make one for me? Can you try and eat normally this year?"
It seriously broke my heart, because I agreed but a day later I've fasted all day (until an hour ago when I stupidly drank a latte, eurgh).

I also feel horrible because my mum called me to ask what I'd eaten today, and asked me to Whatsapp her a picture so I sent her a photo of a packet of instant noodles, which I'm definitely not planning on cooking. And she was celebrating me getting up to 8 stone today as well...

And now my housemates decided to tell the university about my eating habits... urgh sorry for the rant I'm just disgusting and horrible and an awful person.

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[Discussion] Weird food dreams?
/u/yummmies [5'4.5" | 105 | 18.0| -60 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 3 14:04:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5luhok/weird_food_dreams/
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I had a really interesting/nightmarish dream last night (that involved me getting possessed by demons twice!) but one of the points I distinctly remember was when someone made an omelet. They told me it was a "french styled omelet" and they used to a rubber spatula to cut the egg while cooking it and kept adding more beaten egg, and somehow it turned into fettuccine alfredo? I remember yelling "Hey wait, rewind, I didn't catch that!" to them, and I woke up thinking about the omelet that turned into cream pasta.

Long story aside, does anyone dream about food, eating food, making food, or just have food as a center point in dreams? What were your craziest dreams? What gets featured most prominently in your dreams? I've actually dreamt about the Korean Fire Ramen the most often, which interestingly enough I've only had once and cried over the pain.

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[Rant/Rave] My Xerophagy Ramblings
/u/whatupmyknitta [5'2'' | too much | 30 | -12lbs| female]
Created: Tue Jan 3 11:58:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ltpqj/my_xerophagy_ramblings/
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Skip to the line of \~~~~ if you don't care about the backstory behind my title lol. Sorry in advance for what I assume will be a long post! Thanks to anyone who reads it.

So I'm not trying to pull an /r/IAmVerySmart here, lol! But I have a weird thinspo thing I do... sometimes I look up synonyms for words I'd like to be able to describe myself as (like dainty, fragile, etc) on thesaurus.com. So im fasting at the moment, and naturally, today I looked up *fast* and learned a new word for it: Xerophagy!
>Main Entry: fast
>Part of Speech: noun
>Definition: abstention from eating
>Synonyms: abstinence, diet, fasting, xerophagy
>xerophagy [ zi-rof-uh-jee ]
>Main Entry: xerophagy
>Part of Speech: noun
>Definition: fasting
>Synonyms: Lenten fast, hunger strike, keeping fast, strict fast, without food, xerophagia

Ok, end of the lame English class 😜 I just really liked the word and wanted to share it!

\~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was inspired earlier this week by someone posting about their fast, and I thought it would be a great way to start the year! So I did!!!

**I have not eaten all year!**

Gosh that feels amazing to say/know/type. I know it's only been 60ish hours so far (on day 3; started at midnight NYE), but I feel so accomplished already! It's something special that I'm in complete control over, and I feel so superior (even though I'm still faaaaar from my goal weight)!

This is my longest lasting fast, and it's challenging, but I hope to keep it going for 5-7 days. We'll see! I'll check in with you lovelies later this week. Til then stay safe and strong! Xoxox

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[Discussion] "Taught from their infancy, that beauty is woman’s scepter, the mind shapes itself to the body, and, roaming round its gilt cage, only seeks to adorn its prison." Interesting read about the extreme diet and beauty rituals (19.5 inch waist!!) of a 19th century empress
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | F]
Created: Tue Jan 3 11:52:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ltodm/taught_from_their_infancy_that_beauty_is_womans/
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https://mimimatthews.com/2015/10/05/the-beauty-rituals-of-19th-century-empress-elisabeth-of-austria/?utm_content=bufferde50f&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer

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[Help] Eating at deficit and not losing?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jan 3 10:55:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ltbnj/eating_at_deficit_and_not_losing/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I don't have any friends
/u/Briismars46 [5"6 | CW:123 | 19.85 |GW:109 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 3 10:35:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lt79h/i_dont_have_any_friends/
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On mobile can't flair.

I guess I could speculate why, food and drinking is so social. I won't go out to eat, I won't go drinking. I go on stupid cycles of binging and fasting and binging and fasting and it makes me unpleasant to be around because that's the only thing I can focus on. All my friends have stopped coming around, stopped texting. All I have is my SO and he would probably ghost me too if we didn't live together. I ruin everything.

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[Discussion] Interesting documentary about proana websites.
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|104|18.9|F]
Created: Tue Jan 3 09:48:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lsx5t/interesting_documentary_about_proana_websites/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnHH4UVXXNc

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[Other] I'm in need of some human connection with someone who understands having an ED. Would anyone want to be pen pals?
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 132 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 3 08:59:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lsn4r/im_in_need_of_some_human_connection_with_someone/
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I hope this is ok to post here. I just really want someone to ramble to about shallow ED stuff. Like how eating went one day, or how my mom said something about my eating, and stuff like that. I'm not looking for a deep emotional connect necessarily, but just someone I can talk with about random, every-day ED stuff.

As for myself, I draw and compose music, I obsess over whichever game I'm into at the moment (card games, video games, etc.), I like fashion and nail/skin care, and I'm very honest and self aware.

So yeah. Comment and/or message me if you think we could ramble to each other about ED stuff and get along ok. Sorry if this came across weird. I'm weird I guess.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm afraid...
/u/shattered_self [5'8" | 113 | 17 | 25M]
Created: Tue Jan 3 08:57:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lsmpv/im_afraid/
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The past few weeks before break I was teetering between counting calories and not counting calories. I was struggling with trying to maintain, but losing more weight... then binge-ing... then restricting. Over the holiday, I thought I had some huge binges (naturally) and could not count/weigh myself.

But here I am... lowest weight... 112.6 or 112.8 this morning I don't even know how...

I am so afraid. I don't want to keep losing and have health problems but I am too afraid to get help and try to recover. I am terrified of getting fat.

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[Help] Is this mold on my Quest bar? About to vomit since I didn't see it until after I took a bite. Please help omg.
/u/coffeecoffeecoffee90 [5'5" | CW: 128 | GW: 120 | -31 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 3 08:34:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lsiee/is_this_mold_on_my_quest_bar_about_to_vomit_since/
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http://imgur.com/wMp4qQm

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[Thinspo] Gross motivation (pictures of "fat" from /r/loseit)
/u/tozne
Created: Tue Jan 3 07:24:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ls5p2/gross_motivation_pictures_of_fat_from_rloseit/
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http://forum.bodybuilding.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=4404041&d=1335729801

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A January 03, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jan 3 05:08:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lrlje/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_january_03_2017/
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Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 03, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jan 3 05:08:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lrlik/daily_food_diary_january_03_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for January 03, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Help] Getting drunk and resisting food???
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 168.2 | -24 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Tue Jan 3 04:09:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lre3d/getting_drunk_and_resisting_food/
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So, I binged like a dummy today when I had planned for less than ~600 kcal. I got drunk off of leftover champagne...oops. Anyway, I'm trying to plan out the next week-ish to stick to a plan and I've mostly got soups, monster, and coke zero. I've got a mini fast going here because I'm going drinking with friends this weekend and I'm not sure how to handle that and not go crazy. Does anyone have suggestions on how to stave off drunk cravings or even keep my self in control? It seems like even if I get marginally tipsy I make a weak excuse to eat something and just don't give a fuck. Then sober me has to deal with the guilt and shame in the morning. Any and all suggestions would help!

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Pro Engineer Tutorial For Beginners
/u/kumaraajay
Created: Tue Jan 3 03:06:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lr6pr/pro_engineer_tutorial_for_beginners/
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https://proengineertutorial.blogspot.in/

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[Rant/Rave] Some venting after my 8th day of fasting. Also my experiences so far.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Tue Jan 3 00:37:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lqpax/some_venting_after_my_8th_day_of_fasting_also_my/
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Hello All,

I posted an intro a couple days ago re-introducing myself to this wonderful community. Over the past few days I have been fasting because binging was driving my weight up and my clothes were fitting tighter than I liked. This will probably be a longer post but maybe not. I am touched by anyone who reads this. I feel kind of insignificant.

My birthday was on the 23rd, followed by Xmas Eve and then Xmas day. I binged consecutively all of these days. I didn't do so bad on my Bday but still more than I prefered and Xmas eve I did restrict during the day time but I let myself go later due to family stress and anxiety. On Xmas morning I ate all of my Xmas candy which amounted to a couple handfuls of chocolate, some skittles and a couple reeses peanut butter cups. I ate all of my candy and didn't have any thing else that day because I felt disgusting.

My parents got me some clothes and one of which was a lovely oversized sweater I had been asking for. They also got me a jacket two sizes two big. I don't think my parents really know what my weight is or my body shape as I tend to wear a lot of oversized clothes for the most part (flannels, sweaters, cardigans, some more relaxed fit pants usually cropped) I have been wearing the same pair of skinny jeans for a weak though to measure my fasting progress. I want these jeans to fit baggy at some point.

I have come to the conclusion that a lot of my clothes, mostly pants, will have to be sacrificed on the alter that is to my eating disorder. If i lost weight my pants won't fit. I accept that. I can keep wearing oversized tops and shirts though for the most part, Jackets will be a case by case basis.

I began my fast at 3:00pm on Chistmas day. It was after I had finished my candy. My mom had made dinner the previous night and had no desire to make a second Christmas dinner so I manage to elude them having said I filled up on candy. My father understood and knowing I was previous in treatment for an eating disorder didn't pressure me to eat much.

The first day was a little difficult because I had gotten very little nutrition from the candy. I thought it was a terrible way to start a fast but was convinced I would fast for a couple of days after Xmas when people aren't around to watch me eat. I didn't know I would get this far.

The second and third day were probably the hardest because my hunger cues wear still relatively loud. I felt growling in my stomach. I fought this buy consumed a lot of water and tea. I drink between 96 and 108oz of water a day and have. When ever I have an energy drink or a diet soda I down a bottle of water before or afterwards.

When day four began I felt some relieve. I no longer felt hungry. I had cravings but nothing that would be unmanageable. I missed the ritual of eating more than food itself. I kept repeating mantras to myself and telling myself why I didn't need to eat. I took a couple long walks and according to my phone which has a step tracker on it. I walked to the tune of between 500 and 600 calories. I considered day four a victory.

Day 5 and 6 went by pretty smoothly as well because I kept myself busy. I owe my success to staying busy, drinking water and walking a lot. I am not sure how much weight I have actually lost and I accept a lot could be water weight but I have had a pretty big deficit with walking and consuming only water, coffee and occasionally diet soda.

I forgot to mention that day 6 was new years eve. I spent most of this day by myself. I got out of the house and had the strength to walk to the store and back but not a lot else. I felt very weak and lethargic also I felt kind of moody. Little things bugged me. I continued with my fast. I knew the feelings would pass and I just hoped I wouldn't faint.

The day after new years eve (day 7) I felt groggy and very weak. I got out of my bed and could barely stand. I went back to sleep a couple times and tried to conserve my energy. I managed to sleep til 6pm at night and had convinced my parents I wasn't hungry, little do they know I haven't eaten in days... My mother did make me a grilled cheese for dinner that I promptly tore up and flushed in my private bathroom. I was convinced to take this as long as I could. I wanted to make it to two weeks or when I could weight myself in privacy in the morning again which wouldn't be til thursday.

Today I spent most of the day outside my house which helped significantly for my fast. I some how had more energy today. It almost felt like manic energy. I am bipolar and so mania isn't outside the realm of things that could happen. I still feel relatively energized as I wright this. I don't know who will actually read this or who would give a damn about me and my fast. other things I did today included shopping. I managed to buy some more pants at a thrift store and a new scale to use for my personal needs so I no longer will need to sneak upstairs when no one is home to use my parents scale. (they threw mine away when i went into treatment). I will hide my scale and only take it out to weigh myself every couple of days.

I feel a strong sense of accomplishment. I don't know what my starting weight was for this fast but can guess post three day binge it may have been a little above 180lbs. I know that on thursday of this last week I did weigh myself and it came to about 178.7 pounds according to my parents scale.

I am not sure where to go from here. I feel like 8 days is a pretty good length of time for a fast but I also feel nervous about eating until I absolutely have to, when my hands are tied or I can't figure out a way to avoid it. If my parent's don't ask me I could keep this going until I absolutely can't take it. I will have to eat eventually. I have planned to have a 500 calorie day at some point and then to begin a new fast and perhaps go 5 days at a time with 500 calorie days between fasts where I am unlikely to put on much water weight or mass from food. This may be a dumb idea. I plan to take this fast as far as I can take it though.

Send me good vibes. I no longer feel like I am struggling with hunger but boredom and some weakness has been plaguing me.

I love this community. You are all beautiful in your own right. Much love.

F

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[Rant/Rave] I am a mess.
/u/radioactiveicedtea [5'3.75"|CW104|18.38|-34|F]
Created: Mon Jan 2 22:56:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lqb05/i_am_a_mess/
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First of all, fuck holiday food. I ate 1421 calories today!!!! Thats 100 over my maintenance so I am super upset. Ok so I knew restriction was unlikely but I cannot believe I went OVER. I feel so icky and ashamed. I just want to feel in control again. I feel like I am a different person around food, cramming everything in my mouth like an animal. Its weird, I hardly ever feel hungry, but I also never feel satisfied. I am only eating because I am being complusive. I am not sure if I gained at all but my clothes feel the same so thats good. Im too scared to weigh myself and my stomach is almost chronically bloated now. Its painful and looks ridiculous. I know this is wrong but I wish i had a friend with an ed too. I would never want anyone to suffer like this but i just want someone who can relate :c Ive only told my boyfriend but he doesnt understand completely (which i would never expect him to). Im so worried ill get fat and i wont be able to be intimate with him... the last week or so ive been unable to look at my body at all without feeling sick. Ok rant over. Bless this community, i love you all so much and im not sure what i would do without you guys

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[Thinspo] Ultimate. Thinspo. Fucking goals
/u/CassTheUltimateBA [5'10 | 163 | 23.4 | 47 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 2 22:28:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lq6lv/ultimate_thinspo_fucking_goals/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/0ec01ad65be544f5896eb7fd6f4910b4?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=06b4e4485ea7349e098e7ade8807ae2e

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[Discussion] finding it hard to purge somedays
/u/throwawaygayz
Created: Mon Jan 2 21:48:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lq05e/finding_it_hard_to_purge_somedays/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Starting the new year back at square one. Is this all for naught
/u/TopCat1392 [5'3.5" | 126.6 | 22.6 😫| -8.4 | GW:92.6 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 2 20:14:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lpk6u/starting_the_new_year_back_at_square_one_is_this/
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http://imgur.com/P8HotRF

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[Rant/Rave] Day 2
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 2 19:49:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lpfqn/day_2/
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And I already binged. Whooo. I'm gonna kill the last snickers bar in the house and douse myself in wine and whiskey! This is a 3000 cal binge so far....I'm still eating

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[Rant/Rave] Thank you Ontario government!!
/u/china_doll [5'5.5|149.0|24.61|120|F]
Created: Mon Jan 2 19:45:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lpewb/thank_you_ontario_government/
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So I live in Ontario, Canada and effective January 1st, they've passed legislation requiring all restaurants with 20 or more locations to include calorie counts ON THE MENU! This will make it so much easier to make better choices when I have to go out for food. What a great late Christmas present for all my fellow Ontarians ♡

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[Rant/Rave] seeing the results of a photoshoot made me want to die [rant/rave]
/u/venetianrosequartz [5'7"|CW 165|HW 165|LW 130|GW 135|UGW 112|WL 0| BMI 25.8|Female]
Created: Mon Jan 2 19:10:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lp8nw/seeing_the_results_of_a_photoshoot_made_me_want/
---
Over the new year's weekend, I was spending the weekend at a close friends house, and threw restricting to the wind (as a sort of celebration). I ate everything from deepfried pickles to fettuccine alfredo to mozarella sticks. Basically junk food nonstop for three days. This is *after* two months of a binge cycle, so basically I'm at the very highest weight I've *ever* been.

My friends mom wants to be a photographer (or photography is a major hobby of hers). So after me and my friend doing each other's makeup (I got makeup for xmas), her mom wanted to take photos of us. I picked a little black dress and heels, thinking I would look fine.

Nope. Nope nope *nope*. After taking all the photos, looking back at them I want to throw up and cry. I look like a bloated pig ready for slaughter. I look like a beached whale. I can't believe I let myself get this fat!!!! This is seriously how I look to other people, every day? I'm 0.5 BMI away from being overweight. I don't want to be fat, like my family. My parents are sister are morbidly obese and stuff themselves with food everyday.

Is that who I am? Is that what I look like? In this new year I'm going to restrict as much as I can. If I ever get overweight I don't know what I'll do. I'm just in an awful mix of self loathing and self harming thoughts. I haven't in a long time but I really want to.

I guess this just turned into a big ramble. Sorry and thank you for reading

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[Discussion] Is it easier for you to fast or restrict and why? [Discussion]
/u/llamadude00
Created: Mon Jan 2 18:02:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5low87/is_it_easier_for_you_to_fast_or_restrict_and_why/
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[removed]

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a near sex experience
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 2 17:19:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5loo1n/a_near_sex_experience/
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[deleted]

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[Intro] a reintroduction after leaving for several months
/u/ifuckpineapples [5'3" | 101.8 | 18.0 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 2 17:02:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5loksl/a_reintroduction_after_leaving_for_several_months/
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hello lovelies

I haven't been regularly visiting the sub for two or three months now and there are so many new people, I figured I should post a little restart, as I am restarting a relapse right now. and I missed this sub.

5'3", weighed 102.8 yesterday (after a Nye binge w/alcohol) and 100.8 tonight, after a big brunch and a handful of chocolate earlier in the day. my last gw that I hit, months ago, was 95. I think I've gained at least 4 real pounds since then, and I'm very serious about taking those off and more.

my gw now is 93. I plan on fasting until Wednesday night, which is when I'll be at a friend's place for dinner and probably will eat to make him happy. I have very few people I'm close to in my life, but they all know that I'm anorexic. some notice and don't say much, some I've banned from ever bringing it up due to bad reactions, and others know and try to be incredibly supportive to me. it's conflicting feeling overall.

however, the one thing I'm certain of: I need to lose weight. so I'm going to.

glad to be back💞

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[Intro] Hello Again, Everyone
/u/VowelsAreHard
Created: Mon Jan 2 16:26:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lodp0/hello_again_everyone/
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So, it's been quite some time since I've been here - went to boot camp, tried recovery, relapsed - and so here I am. I gained 10lbs of fat in boot camp, and my roommate and I just bought a literal tonne of snack food things like chips and chocolate. So this is currently my life; I'm glad to be back.

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[Thinspo] Some thinspo to get back on track after the fucking fattening holiday season. Violet Ell and misc pics I've saved [thinspo]
/u/Franny___Glass [5'8" | 116.4lb. | 17.70 | f]
Created: Mon Jan 2 16:12:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lob41/some_thinspo_to_get_back_on_track_after_the/
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http://imgur.com/a/Ti5oZ

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[Rant/Rave] Work Miracle
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 147.2 | 22.1 | -3 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 2 15:08:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lnykf/work_miracle/
---
[on mobile can't flair]
It's been a while since I've posted and I kind of temporarily 'recovered' during that time (I felt good about myself and ate what I wanted blah blah) and so I gained weight :( and a fuckload too. I'm too embarrassed to update my flair here. Anyways, I work at a retirement home and I'm entitled to free breakfast/lunch, which I'm expected to eat. If I don't eat my coworkers become concerned or offended. Usually we serve heavy/fatty foods and it's been killing me to eat it. BUT I recently discovered that we also serve fruit plates which I'm allowed to take, so now my breakfast is a bowl of oatmeal and lunch is a fruit plate :) I feel like I might be able to get back to my low weight sooner as opposed to later and it makes me feel less hopeless.

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[Rant/Rave] I met a guy...
/u/Ms_IreneAdler
Created: Mon Jan 2 14:27:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lnq77/i_met_a_guy/
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So I met a guy on New years and now all I want to do is stop eating. Ugh every time I start to like a guy, I get so stressed out about how I look and wanting to restrict. I basically convince myself that they were blind af when they first met me and havent realized what a whale I am. Either that, or they only keep hanging out with me cause they feel bad or something. I dont even fucking know whats wrong with me. On one hand, I want to meet someone and possibly start a relationship. On the other hand, Im terrified and want to delete his number and wear a paper bag on my head so no one will look at me or crawl in a hole and never come out lmao Anyways, heres to No Eating January!! 🙃

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[Help] Self-care & nourishment feel super-foreign right now
/u/MeraxesPestis [5'2" | 204.8 lbs | 38.8 | -85.2 lbs | GQ]
Created: Mon Jan 2 14:11:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lnmw3/selfcare_nourishment_feel_superforeign_right_now/
---
So through December I water-fasted (well, December 1 through 24, because then I was at my parents and they really like making me eat things). I got incredibly sick from not re-feeding properly and that was followed/interrupted by a baaaaaaaaad cold/flu/maybe-bronchitis thing and I've had a fever for over a week. It's just been a disaster. Couple that with random hormone changes and I've somehow managed to gain 22 lbs in 10 days (refusing to update my flair because denying reality totally works, right?), which has me majorly down in the dumps. I ended up ordering a no-cheese veggie pizza from the greasy spoon down the road for today/tomorrow's meals because I'm too tired to go grocery shopping, but so far haven't been able to make myself eat any of it because I know it's going to weigh me down (literally).

I'm trying to nourish myself as much as possible and take care of myself because obviously that's important while sick. And I'm struggling a lot with that. I feel so much guilt and shame over eating, you know? But intellectually I recognize how unhealthy it is to give into this compulsion to not eat anything, especially while I'm trying to fight off an infection. So I'm kind of stuck in this place where I know that option A (fasting/restricting below 500 cals a day) is not nourishing me, and option B (eating whatever-the-fsck feels good at the time, which is averaging out to maybe 1200-1500 cals a day but is mostly gross carbs and processed, over-salted soups that I can't prove don't contain animal products) is definitely not self-care either, and I can't seem to find that healthy medium between the two where I can feel like I'm making progress on my weight goals while maybe also being healthy enough to have a semi-functioning immune system.

Y'all ever deal with this sort of thing? Bouncing between two extremes in your life when it comes to taking care of yourself but never being able to find that range of behaviors that would actually be healthy? How do y'all deal with trying to mitigate the effects of mental/chronic illnesses on your self-esteem/-confidence/-care? What do you do to nourish yourself when nourishing yourself feels like failure?

---

[Discussion] What are your best ways of preventing a binge?
/u/failingshit [170 cm | 61.8 kg | CGW: 55 kg ]
Created: Mon Jan 2 14:09:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lnmm2/what_are_your_best_ways_of_preventing_a_binge/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lnmm2/what_are_your_best_ways_of_preventing_a_binge/

---

[Rant/Rave] Ugh, "snack binging"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 2 13:30:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lnehv/ugh_snack_binging/
---
I knew when I woke up today it was going to be a bad day. I keep doing something I absolutely despise, 'snack' or 'graze' binging. I'll grab a handful of something, Be okay and then go back for more a few minutes later. I somehow am more annoyed by this form of over eating than just one out binges. I can't explain why exactly but I always feel way guiltier eating snacks than meals. I've even ate a bit more than usual at my meals to try to combat the bingey feelings but if anything they just made me hungrier.

I know I'll just start over tomorrow, and it wont be a huge deal. But I'm feeling absolutely terrible today :(

---

[Discussion] [Discussion] If you could change your height, what height would you be?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 2 13:11:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lnaq5/discussion_if_you_could_change_your_height_what/
---
[deleted]

---

[Intro] New Year, old me
/u/FeedMeAfterMidnight [5'1" | 123.4 | 24.35 | 0 lost | female]
Created: Mon Jan 2 12:41:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ln4el/new_year_old_me/
---
I used to have a different name on here, but a close friend of mine also browsed occasionally so the old username is out. Doesn't matter, there's so many new people and I haven't been around for a while so I'll just start fresh.

Former bulimic, then just a binge eater. Lost the weight last year by counting calories, severe restriction, and obsessive cardio.

Gained the weight back. Worst fear. Binging again. Worst fear.

I'm in the thick of it right now. Can't stop thinking about food, hungry all the time. Starting the year with a nice fast because... why not.

Someday I won't hate myself.

---

[Goal] Eating garbage stops now!
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Mon Jan 2 11:51:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lmuca/eating_garbage_stops_now/
---
First of all, thank you for your kind thoughts on my awful breakup post. It's been a few days and I'm feeling better about it. I feel bad for him, because I know in my heart that I hurt him. But I am happier without his burdens. We had another conversation after we broke up and I told him about my ED, and how it was getting worse. Not that it was his fault, but that I needed time to get myself together and stop this before I end up hospitalized again. (lie)


... anyway. I've been eating like crap the last month. Junk food, processed shit, etc. I haven't really gained, only a few pounds more this morning than a month ago. But I have my period so I'm assuming that's that.

Today I'm going back on my 500 cal a day regimen. I've already had a terrible "breakfast" of coffee and sweetened condensed milk, since I have no creamer. But that's gone now thank god. My breakup was partially fueled by another man in my life, whom I've known for 8 years or so. I've had a crush on him since I met him, but we've always been spoken for in relationships during our friendship. This last period of time, he is unhappy in a long distance thing and I was unhappy in my live-in boy. I've ended mine, and I assume he will be ending his shortly. He is difficult to please, I feel, as he is wealthy and has everything he could ever want. Except for maybe some time off of work. I feel fat, and I need to be thinner for him, or I'm afraid he can do better. I'm not sure where this is going or if it's even real, but I am so terrified and excited about the possibility of being with him that I don't know what to do with myself.

He likes to take me out to dinners. We often share plates, always have, but eating at these nice restaurants and being watched makes me anxious. I feel like I shouldn't eat unless he is feeding me.

Sorry for the wall of text. This turned into more of a diary entry than a proED post. I just need an outlet for my thoughts.

Love you guys, happy new year 🎈

---

[Discussion] My ED makes me a better person
/u/honeymilkhoney [5'5 | GW:101 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 2 11:29:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lmpq2/my_ed_makes_me_a_better_person/
---
Note: This is all wrapped up in ED brain, and I don't equate size to goodness in any other context/anyone outside of myself.

Restricting gives me mania. I feel like I'm on top of the world, so successful and in control. I go out of my way to help others and do more in every aspect of my life. I just feel better, work harder, do more. Versus when I've been binging and I feel lazy. I don't go the extra mile. Everything I do is focused on eating more instead of being a better person.

Anyone else go through this? Anyone else work the opposite way?

---

[Help] How unhealthy is it to lose your period?
/u/questions_anonymous [5'6.5" | 115 | 18.3 | -50 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 2 11:22:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lmofp/how_unhealthy_is_it_to_lose_your_period/
---
TMI: I haven't had mine at all in like 6 months and before that they started coming farther and farther in between. For reference, my BMI is exactly 18.5 as of this morning. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow for something entirely unrelated, but should I bring this up then?

---

[Other] Update on SO's bro texting me about my weight
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 2 09:50:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lm5on/update_on_sos_bro_texting_me_about_my_weight/
---
Apparently my SO's mom was trying to add my grandma on Facebook and she looked through the pictures. She was the one that saw my old graduation picture and showed the whole family what a fat ugly ass I was. She called my SO this morning and randomly brought it up to him. He told her I didn't appreciate people talking about it and he told her about Kyle texting me. She agreed it was inappropriate for Kyle to text me and said she understood why I didn't like talking about it.


What she doesn't know:
1. I lived in horrible conditions.
2. My dad was incredibly mentally abusive and I felt like food was all I had.
3. My mom fed into me eating a shit ton because she herself was/is an emotional eater.
4. I would beg my mom to workout with me or take me to a gym and she'd buy me a tub of ice cream.
5. I hated myself so much and was bullied for being overweight that I cut and tried to OD.
6. I developed bulimia in 10th grade and became obsessed with exercising (I lost about 70 pounds)
7. I developed extreme anxiety and started anxious eating my senior year.
8. I gained weight back that I had lost and I was very embarrassed about it. I didn't want to be that fat girl told to go back to the fat farm again.
9. I graduated, moved away from my toxic family and went through loss/gain cycles.
10. I started starving in 2012. I decided no way i wanted to be fat ever again so I ate gold fish, sandwiches, watermelon, and diet Dr, pepper only.
11. 2013 I was out on Paxil which made me gain. I was yet again utterly embarrassed and disappointed with myself.
12. I got off the meds and lost weight.
13. I currently weigh 146 and I haven't eaten yet today.
14. My goal is to first get to 140. Second get to 135. Third get to 130


See what brining up "oh you look so different from HS" reminds me of? It reminds me of the darkest times in my life. I hate being reminded of my past and the shit people I was stuck with. My dad ended up going to jail for attempting rape on a stranger. That tells you what type of person he was and the type of mental abuse I had to go through. My mom had no backbone and didn't fight for me. She stood by and let it happen. She thought giving me a bag of chips made it all better. I begged so many times for her to help me lose weight and she never obliged.

Now I'm here in a very disordered state, with extreme social anxiety, fucked up ideas about food and trying so hard not to be the biggest fatass ever.


Edit: mobile, no flair

Forgot to mention I also had very bad asthma as a kid so when I tried to play soccer/basketball I couldn't breathe. My mom also brushed this off and didn't get me help for a long time. I had asthma attack after asthma attack and then I decided all I was good enough for was eating food..

---

It's over between me and my boyfriend
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jan 2 09:39:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lm3jx/its_over_between_me_and_my_boyfriend/
---
[removed]

---

[Intro] Introduction - new to this subreddit but not to EDs!
/u/thindetermination
Created: Mon Jan 2 09:13:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5llyrl/introduction_new_to_this_subreddit_but_not_to_eds/
---
I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm 30 years old and female. This is a throwaway specifically for this subreddit.

I have been struggling with eating disorders since I was about 15. I have a sort of varying phase, so I guess I'm not strictly fitting into any particular eating disorder. I tend to restrict heavily until I'm dangerously thin and then binge eat until I'm overweight and then start restricting heavily ... etc.

I have several chronic illnesses and depression and anxiety .. and some other stuff but if I say too much then I'll be recognisable! The medications I'm on have caused me to gain weight to the point I'm just... I don't even want to touch myself, look at myself or anything. I hate myself thoroughly.

I'm currently looking to come off the medications in order to stop ballooning further. I can (and do) restrict to kingdom come but the weight just continues.

I am here because well, I miss having support. I miss people understanding the hell that is in your head every day. I miss people knowing what it is to look at the food on your plate and battle with yourself to eat it. I miss people knowing what it's like to just keep eating without stopping. Not caring if you're full, just keeping going because it feels good ...until you do stop and then hate yourself for having eaten so much..

Anyway, I'm rambling. I hope this post meets the rules. I'm in such a bad headspace with my weight and I've been restricting very heavily again lately. I can't cope with what I am. I hope I can find some support here :)

---

[Rant/Rave] Sister woes. :(
/u/MaybeIllGetThere [176cm | ~65kg | 23F]
Created: Mon Jan 2 08:49:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5llua4/sister_woes/
---
[removed]

---

Uh... is it normal for your arms to hurt?
/u/llamadude00
Created: Mon Jan 2 08:18:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5llp5j/uh_is_it_normal_for_your_arms_to_hurt/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Scared to Weigh After Holiday Vacation
/u/nobutlisten [5'5 | CW: 101.0 | GW: lol | BMI: 16.8 | F 25 👽]
Created: Mon Jan 2 08:07:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lln6n/scared_to_weigh_after_holiday_vacation/
---
So my holiday is finally over and I'm at the airport waiting to fly home. And I am kind of freaking out about my weight! Honestly. I only had one "bad day" but also had days where I ate a huge volume of food even if it was healthy. I'm just bummed out because there were a few days in the middle there were I was feeling really slim and confident that I had lost a little. But I just feel like in the last 3 days I have erased so much of that hard work...

I might wait until the end of the week to weigh so I can try to lose a little more, in case I'm bloated and have water weight. It just doesn't make sense because I know I ate WAY fewer calories than I burned on this trip overall, so why do I feel like I gained five pounds?? I'm disgusted with my stomach and my body, I wish I could enjoy myself and eat every once in a while without feeling like the most disgusting human alive.

Whyyyy.

---

[Rant/Rave] Starting over (on mobile can't flair)
/u/borrow_our_light [5'7| 134.4lbs | 21.78 BMI | -27.2lbs | F | GW 115]
Created: Mon Jan 2 08:05:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5llmun/starting_over_on_mobile_cant_flair/
---
For the past 3 weeks I have been binging like crazy, eating way over me tdee. I don't know if it was the holidays or the surplus of food or what. In that time I managed to gain 6 pounds and I hate it. So it's back on the fasting and restricting train for me because now I'm even farther from my goal.

---

[Rant/Rave] Relapse again
/u/tozne
Created: Mon Jan 2 07:50:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5llkm8/relapse_again/
---
Hello, after going from 105lb -> 140 ("recovery") after my parents threatened to hospitalise me I thought I was doing OK with good progress in accepting a normal bmi.

Over the holidays, I met my extended family, and the first thing that my grandmother and my aunt said was, "wow you've gained so much weight!"...

And now I'm back to killing myself slowly. I love family reunions.

---

[Help] [Request] Tips on telling regular foods from diet foods without the label?
/u/antimeridian [5'5" | BMI 17.9 | maintaining 🌻]
Created: Mon Jan 2 06:21:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ll7xc/request_tips_on_telling_regular_foods_from_diet/
---
Yesterday u/stelldichein made a great [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lepql/not_trusting_soda_machines/dbv923h/?st=ixg3q9gj&sh=de6b956e) about how to tell diet soda from regular soda: if it's sticky, there's sugar in it, if it's dry, there's sweetener in it.

It would be great if we could collect a list of ways to tell regular foods from diet foods. I have awful anxiety that someone will accidentally confuse my order when I go out. (I don't even drink "skinny" lattes anymore because it worries me so much.) Does anyone here have good ways to tell?

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[Help] Fitbit sizing help + seeking fitbit friends
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 52.5 kg | 19.28 | 18 f]
Created: Mon Jan 2 05:56:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ll49s/fitbit_sizing_help_seeking_fitbit_friends/
---
Sooo... I just got a fitbit charge 2! Hooray for January sales. It fits very loosely though. My wrist circumference is 15 cm / 6 inches. It's supposed to be a small, but well.. perhaps the store messed it up? How do your fitbits fit?

On another note: I'd like some friends on the app. pm me your email and I'll add you! =) (at least I think that's how it works?)

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[Help] Weighing in at the Dr.'s office
/u/7_of_cups [5'4 | CW 102 | GW 95 | 17.85 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 2 05:32:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ll1bo/weighing_in_at_the_drs_office/
---
My psychiatrist's office weighs me at the beginning of each visit, and she usually touches on this in my appt. However, I do NOT see her for ED related issues, or even much non-medication-therapy.

I am afraid of a diagnosis right now, for fear of changing any of my three medications that we worked hard to identify and keep me somewhat afloat (one is a stimulant, another contraindicated for EDs).

Does anyone have a suggestion for significant boosts to the scale number? I know I'm not startlingly underweight right now at 100.0. However, my last weigh-in with her was 112, and she expressed concern then. So I'm not talking about a roll of quarters in my pocket. I don't even OWN things like sweatpants, usually a highly femme person, so that would draw immediate suspicion (ankle weights are not an option).


TLDR: I need 12 lbs added onto me in an entirely discreet manner.

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! January 02, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jan 2 05:13:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lkz4f/weekly_stats_update_january_02_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for January 02, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 02, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jan 2 05:13:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lkz3n/daily_food_diary_january_02_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 02, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] "You look the best you have in a long time ... This is what men like ... You're one of the pretty ones now!" - It means nothing to me.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [28/F | SW: 105kg | CW: 51kg | GW1: 45kg | GW: 42kg | UGW: 39.9kg]
Created: Mon Jan 2 04:34:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lkult/you_look_the_best_you_have_in_a_long_time_this_is/
---
Since the start of December I've been eating a surplus. It was meant to be a small one, for a clean bulk, but after a little struggling with eating more at all, it's ended up quite a large one even if it was healthy foods. For the week around the holidays though, I was practically binging on junk the whole time.

Needless to say, I've gained LOADS of weight. I posted here before acknowledging that I do actually seem to look more attractive in the face, brighter, fresher. It's different from the binge month I had earlier in the year where I still looked like crap the whole month - possibly because that was entirely junk food, and this month was not (mostly)? I don't know.

People have noticed. I'm getting the odd comment about how well/good I look. I hate them because I know it means 'You gained weight!" whether it's obviously meant as a compliment or not.

My Dad has been practically shitting his pants about it though. It came to a head yesterday when he could not shut his mouth about the way I look when we went on a run together, with a whole bunch of the usual local runners. All those quotes are from him yesterday.

I was "jokingly" (lol) complaining with a friend about our 'Christmas weight' and how we are gonna lose it in the new year. Dad overheard. That's when he started going on about it. Best I've looked in a long time. Me being a bit more filled out looks great on me. Guys like this, he's been noticing the guys at running club checking me out over the past week, joking that he "needs to shotgun out" to chase them away from me. I'm one of the pretty ones now - we've always noted how out of our fellow runners locally, there's like this 'clique' of really beautiful women, and Dad says I fit in with them now looking like this.

"Don't lose this weight" he told me.

This is the least humble of humble-brags, right? Except... at best, it means nothing. At worst, I actually hate it. Perhaps by typing it out I'm trying to get it to mean something to me, see that it's something to be pleased about.. but it just doesn't, and I don't.

I don't care how attractive chub apparently makes me, how much better I look 'for the men'. I don't care, I don't want it. It frustrates me that people seem to think it's best, that this is what I should want to aim for - because it just *isn't*.

I'm sitting here flicking through the pictures where I was *apparently* ugly and wasted, devastated I don't look like that any more. That I'm not smaller and slighter, and lighter. **I** liked it more than this, and it was closer to me actually liking myself than this. Promising myself I'll get back to that this year, screw muscle weight, screw the bulking, screw eating, screw not being hungry.

I just hope I have the willpower to 'be ugly', I suppose. *shrug*

---

[Goal] I lost two Jean sizes in two months!
/u/LAGone
Created: Mon Jan 2 03:15:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lklvv/i_lost_two_jean_sizes_in_two_months/
---
I used to be around a 5/6 in jeans and I went shopping for jeans since all mine have become to big for my liking. I'm currently a size 2 now and I'm so proud of myself! I don't count calories btw, I just try to eat the least amount of food every day and if I do I try to eat fruit and veggies. Or sugary drinks to keep me from feeling too weak.

---

[Help] Looking for encouragement
/u/ughmanda [5'3.5 | 120 | 20.9 | 60 lbs | 19F]
Created: Mon Jan 2 02:45:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lkifk/looking_for_encouragement/
---
Hey, everyone. I've never posted here before but I've been lurking for quite awhile. I'm looking for some wise words on the subject of high calorie restriction.

Over the last 10 months, I've dropped from 180 to 112 pounds. Any non-disordered person would probably be thrilled with this outcome, but I continue to lose weight simply because maintenance seems impossible and I don't want to gain.

In the grand scheme of things, I would eventually like to dwindle my way down to 100ish pounds. However, I believe my weight loss is beginning to catch up with me physically. My hair is thin, I'm constantly freezing, and the chest pains are becoming frequent.

Bulimia is my weakness. At first it seemed like a game; anything I put in, I could quickly take out. First it was just normal-sized meals. Now, I don't eat outside of my binge/purge sessions. My body, and my soul, is tired.

I'm picking up a rigorous course schedule at school this coming semester and I know I can't continue as I'm going if I want to achieve my academic goals. SO I've decided to restrict to 1200 some days and about 700 on others. My question is have any of you went from severely depriving your body to restricting on a more healthy level? If so, did you notice severe weight gain? If yes, how long did it take for your body to realize you were still eating at a deficit and start dropping weight again?

Also, on a more advice-related note, how can I convince myself it's okay to eat food and not purge? I'm going grocery shopping for my self-created meal plan tomorrow and just the thought of it is making me crazy anxious. I guess I just need reassurance that I won't suddenly balloon up back to 180 pounds. Thank you in advance for reading/replying!

---

[Tip] 'Casual dieting' app. Lend me an ear.
/u/IwontTryAnotherName [5'6''| 125 |19.8 | -5| f]
Created: Mon Jan 2 00:56:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lk5yu/casual_dieting_app_lend_me_an_ear/
---
The app has this sort of light, amusing air to it that eases the stress and pressure of losing weight.

I've been on proed for much longer than I should, and I've noticed how every other post is someone complaining of failure, beating themselves up for it, setting up strict goals and all.

You must let yourself enjoy it. Otherwise, even if you succeed, it will all come back and you'll only start over.

I think this FREE app is helpful because it takes your mind off numbers in discreet ways: choose a sticker, look at this wallpaper, write a diary about your whole day and not only calories, note your periods, bowel movements or whatever! (there are three symbols you can check daily, give them any meaning you want)

It's not even my style necessarily, all bubbly and adorable, but hey, cute is universal, no way to not enjoy it in the least. This applies to guys as well!

I hope this helps. Take it easy (and I mean it) :]

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] I'm back.. yay!
/u/satanAMA [173cm (5'9) | 63kg (141lbs) | 21 | 27kg (60lbs) | F]
Created: Mon Jan 2 00:48:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lk501/rave_im_back_yay/
---
It's been a few months since I've been here. I broke up with my boyfriend (two years down the drain l o l), I stopped counting calories, and gained 6lbs.

But then I met a guy. A boy, I guess. And he's so so lovely. And he doesn't know about the ED! So I can get to goal weight without him becoming suspicious and stay there. I'm back on the wagon for 2017 and I'm gonna stay that way. Also the guy is so amazing and I can totally see myself falling in love with him 😍

Ps. Not really on topic but I love you guys and I missed you and I can't talk to anyone else about this for various reasons.

---

[Tip] Potential weird way to stop/aid in lessening a binge?
/u/PersonaThief [5' 2.5" | 137.2 lbs | 25.5 BMI | -36.8 lbs | Male | 23]
Created: Mon Jan 2 00:34:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lk3f8/potential_weird_way_to_stopaid_in_lessening_a/
---
So...I've now done this *twice.* Both times, completely on accident. Granted -- I wasn't actually in "binge-mode," but I found myself *weirdly* satisfied afterward.

Having not had much today, I passed by a container of dark chocolate covered almonds. Huge fan. I was gonna reach in, grab a solid handful, and be done with it. What ended up happening was -- I reached in, went to grab a handful, and all but 2 slipped right back out of my grasp. But when I pulled my hand out and actually *noticed* I only had two -- the actual DESIRE for said almonds had completely dissipated.

Literally, having just for a split second held onto a whole handful of chocolate covered almonds killed the craving for them. I could have honestly put even just the 2 I'd actually taken back, but I ended up eating them anyway. Small < 50 calorie treat for myself.

Still not totally sure how or why this happened, but like I said -- I've now done it twice. This may only work with passing cravings your body's not actually crying out for, but I thought I'd pass it along. Maybe people could use this to pull out like a huge amount of food -- and then see what happens when they put most of it back? (Assuming that this is possible/that one has the willpower for it/probably isn't in full-blown binge-mode.)

I dunno! Just spinning my wheels. Maybe someone will benefit.

---

[Other] Goodbye everyone
/u/OccasionalJerk [5'5 | 155 | 25.8 | GW: 125 | -6 | 17F]
Created: Sun Jan 1 22:22:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ljkq5/goodbye_everyone/
---
So this is going to be my last time posting here. I wrote pretty much the same thing on my peach account, but here's why I'm leaving:

I'm tired. I'm tired of my eating disorder. I'm tired of it stealing all of my time and thoughts away like a professional bank robber. I'm tired of looking in the mirror every day and hating what I see. I'm tired of binging and taking laxatives and working out for hours at a time, never happy, never fulfilled. I'm tired of the pain. Physically and mentally. I'm tired of getting so angry at myself that I start crying and mentally abusing myself as if I'm my own worst enemy--an enemy that's trying to kill me.

I'm just tired. I'm tired of it all. I don't want to do this anymore.

I quit. Right here and now. No more. Don't get me wrong, I still plan to lose the excess weight, but I'm gonna do it in a healthy way, and get at a healthy weight. I want to learn to love myself. I want to BE something. I want a future that doesn't revolve around how much thinner or prettier that other girl is. I want to have other goals in my life than losing weight. I want a better future for myself, because I deserve it. We all do.

It's been five years of this for me. Five years. That number is not going to rise to ten, or fifteen, or twenty. I'm ending that path of destruction and misery now. It's caused so many problems in my life that I can't even remember them all anymore. I don't want to die before I'm thirty. I want a healthy body. I want a healthy mind. Most of all, I want to be happy.

Today may be the start of a new year, but tomorrow is MY new start. I'm gonna take it one day at a time, and it's gonna be a struggle. I'll have to make the same choice I'm making right now day after day after day, constantly. But one day...one day I'm going to wake up and not *have* to make that choice. But it will take time.

I'm not giving up this time. I may make mistakes and have bad days, but I'm not going to let this infection of the mind stop me from getting better. That's exactly what it is. An infection. It starts with one little thought, then spreads to two, and then three, and soon those thoughts turn into words, and those words turn into actions, and then all of a sudden your entire body has been infected with its barbaric depravity. It eats away at your body like an acid until there's nothing left. Nothing left but a hollow shell of skin and bones.

I say no more. I'm going to recover. I'm going to love myself again.

Because I am worthy of it. Just like all of you are worthy of it.

2016 was a bad year for me, but this year I'm not letting that happen again. This year is going to be whatever I make of it, and I'm going to make it something good. I'm gonna make it a time to remember.

2017 is going to be great. Because I'm choosing it to be. It won't be great if I don't try, but I am now. I am trying.

This is the year I get myself together. This is the year I make a difference.

So goodbye everyone. I loved it here. I loved seeing your posts, I loved hearing your stories, I loved witnessing everyone come together to solve a single problem, I loved seeing everyone finding a little bit of joy because we finally found someone who can relate; I love all you guys. But I can't come here anymore if I'm going to get better. Maybe I'll post an update one day if anyone wants one, but for now, goodbye.

I hope more of us make this decision this year. It's the only way I can see me ever being truly happy--I have to let go.

I'm going to go make myself a better future. A future where I can tell my kids about my eating disorder in the *past tense.* A future where I'm able to look at myself the same way I look at a pretty girl I saw in the store. A future of possibilities.

A future of hope.

---

[Rant/Rave] It's seems like all I do is puke nowadays
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jan 1 21:37:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ljd9q/its_seems_like_all_i_do_is_puke_nowadays/
---
Disclaimer: I'm drunk and eating ice cream rn

I wonder if 2017 will be the year my heart gives out.
Or maybe the year I start losing my teeth?

Idk I found a boy I really like but he's a few thousand miles away lol. He almost makes me want to get better.

I guess we'll see what happens.


Happy New Years!!

---

[Discussion] Borderline Personality Disorder?
/u/LaughingBorderline
Created: Sun Jan 1 21:29:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ljc18/borderline_personality_disorder/
---
is anyone else here diagnosed with BPD?! i am no where NEAR ready for recovery, but ive been seeing a psych for other issues and got diagnosed with bpd. i found it really comforting and things all clicked together??

sorry if this is the wrong place!

---

[Discussion] Is anyone else here crazy competitive? [Discussion]
/u/llamadude00
Created: Sun Jan 1 21:24:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ljba6/is_anyone_else_here_crazy_competitive_discussion/
---
I have a few friends with ED's, and when they tell me they're fasting, I have the urge to fast longer and more intensely, and when they talk to me about their days calories I feel the urge to eat lower than that the next day. Anyone else like this?

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel like I'm lying to my SO all the time (Rant)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 1 20:32:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lj305/i_feel_like_im_lying_to_my_so_all_the_time_rant/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Excited for breakfast?
/u/vegemiteandcheesecat
Created: Sun Jan 1 20:28:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lj2d7/excited_for_breakfast/
---
On mobile can't flair but discussion would be great 👍

So lately I've started to get excited for breakfast and snacks (like a piece of fruit or a piece of cheese) and was wondering does anyone else get excited or am I just weird? Hahaha
Thanks 💕

---

[Help] Gaining weight while on your period?
/u/singtalk89
Created: Sun Jan 1 20:19:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lj0v5/gaining_weight_while_on_your_period/
---
I was trying to research whether it is possible to gain weight while on your period, yet most sources say that you gain weight before the bleeding starts. However, I haven't noticed any weight gain (it has been stable for the past week) until now when my bleeding has started. I weighed myself this morning and I was at my stable weight and then a couple hours later my period came. I started feeling really bloated and I had the fantastic idea of weighing myself. In a matter of about 3 hours I have somehow managed to gain 5kg. My eating habits haven't changed that much recently so is someone able to calm me down and say that it is just water weight and it will go away once my period has finished?

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[Other] Home alone for 4 days - who wants to join me in a fast?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 1 19:54:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5liwv2/home_alone_for_4_days_who_wants_to_join_me_in_a/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Binge issues..ugh
/u/LittleBlackHeart8 [5'7" | cw:124 | gw:115 | 19.7 | -31lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jan 1 19:46:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5livg3/binge_issuesugh/
---
I'm on mobile, so I can't flair, but I guess this is a rant/rave//discussion.

I just binged out on freaking Taco Bell of all things and I hate myself right now. Also, it didn't help that they gave my food to me in this like gigantic family sized bag. I'm thinking about purging, it's been about 15 minutes since I ate at this point. I'm not sure if I wanna go there with it tonight. I know I'd feel a lot better if I did, but I don't know if I should.

How do you like, deal with yourself post-binge?

So much self loathing right now, it is unreal.

---

[Rant/Rave] I don't think I can do family dinner anymore [Rant]
/u/justanotherbrunette [5'7" | 140 | 22.63 | -5 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 1 19:24:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lirvf/i_dont_think_i_can_do_family_dinner_anymore_rant/
---
Sorry no flair. Mobile.

I've been able to generally shoulder my way through dinner regardless of how much I'm restricting. Even though my mom is obese, she doesn't cook food that's too bad.

But I think I might have misophonia of some sort, because hearing the wet sounds of her chewing (no matter what food she is eating, it sounds like bubble gum), slurping, grunting and literally snorting is driving me crazy. It makes me want to eat even less, because I am physically disgusted with it. It's the worst sound in the world, and I'm feeling nauseous just thinking about it. I kept coming up with excuses to leave the table just so I could get away from it.

No one else causes this problem in me.

---

[Help] How to prep yourself for a 'fresh start' post binge?
/u/runnin-n-whey [5'4.5 | 116.8 | 19.92| -20 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 1 19:17:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5liqro/how_to_prep_yourself_for_a_fresh_start_post_binge/
---
I've eaten so. much. today. I didn't even b/p just consumed thousands of calories worth of "clean" food: apples, rice cake, nuts, etc. The anxiety is starting to sink in but I'm trying to tell myself that tomorrow is a new day and I have unlimited amounts of time to lose weight, and all that kind of stuff. I'm really afraid this is going to mark the beginning of a binge period rather than an isolated incident.

tl;dr WHAT DO YOU GUYS TELL YOURSELVES TO GET BACK ON TRACK AFTER A GROSS, SCARY BINGE. Freaking out just a little :)

---

[Discussion] How long did it take you to lose a considerable amount of weight?
/u/tryingthen [5'4" | 124 | 21.3 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 1 18:26:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lii27/how_long_did_it_take_you_to_lose_a_considerable/
---
Forgive me mods. I'm on mobile. :(


I'm currently 130 pounds, want to get down to 105 by the end of may (when I go back to uni for summer classes)

How long has it taken you lovely beings to lose some of dat weight?

I hope everyone is okay during the holidays 🌿❄

---

[Discussion] Tips on how to take the best thinspo type pics
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 1 17:32:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5li86e/tips_on_how_to_take_the_best_thinspo_type_pics/
---
[removed]

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[Help] scale recommendations
/u/vvaifer
Created: Sun Jan 1 16:49:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5li0df/scale_recommendations/
---
does anyone have any advice/recommendations for a good quality bathroom scale? i am looking to spend less than 100cad shipped.

let me know your favourite and why!

---

[Help] Do I need help?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 1 16:04:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lhsa7/do_i_need_help/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] New Project - The ECBP!
/u/brokehungryheathen [5'4" | 133 | 23 | -17Lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jan 1 15:45:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lhoxe/new_project_the_ecbp/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] Finally succeeding this year.
/u/failingshit [170 cm | 61.8 kg | CGW: 55 kg ]
Created: Sun Jan 1 15:37:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lhnc8/finally_succeeding_this_year/
---
In 2016 I lost a lot of weight, but sadly gained it all back.
Not this year.
This year I'm going to try again and I'm actually going to succeed this year.
I have 38 lbs to lose, and I'm starting now.
I can do it. And this time I'm keeping it off.
No more excuses.

---

[Help] Realised last night I'll never be pretty or worthwhile unless im thin and..essentially not myself
/u/So_hangry
Created: Sun Jan 1 15:16:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lhjbs/realised_last_night_ill_never_be_pretty_or/
---
Hey guys I feel a fucking mess. I want to actually die but im too cowardly to anything again.

Im fucking huge. Im 5ft 7 and 190lb. I dressed up, wore make up, put on spanx (they ripped to shreds trying to keep in all my fat, my thigh would stick out the holes and with my stretchmarks they looked like disgusting tumours) and realised after taking 1 or 2 photos that dressing me up is like polishing a turd. I dont even hold a candle to any girl around me, i feel ashamed of myself near any woman in my life because I know im the ugly in the group. I feel so worthless.

Sometimes I feel my bf treats me badly. We were broken up for a couple of months last year and during that time I slept with 6 guys. Thats ALOT to me and people at uni were shocked i could get that many as well. I was open and honest about it, aftet me and him got back together i didnt go near another guy but since then hes never been able to get over it. This happened in feb/mar and a few days ago he admitted he was still 'disgusted' and 'appalled' with how I was at uni. Ive always felt disgusting because i was sexually abused by my older bro as a kid and always felt like damaged goods (or bads). Ive said to him before that i feel like a disgusting person for x amount of reasons, hed tell me i was talking rubbish, trying to get attention and of course im not disgusting but it turns out hes been disgusted with me this whole time. Why am i so awful?;

I cant make friends. Im selfish and boring and have lost friends over the years over how awful i am. My family hates me because i stood up to my dad about his abuse. They told me im talking rubbish and im horrible for not realising how much he loves me and everything hes done for me. I had an abortion earlier due to mental health issues but the more i think the more i realise i was a selfish fuck. My aunt cant convince and my parents suggest i give her my baby...i refused...i hated the idea of my baby being raised in the same town as me and not being its mum...so i murdered it instead.

I hate myself. I fucking hate who i am. My bf hates me, family hates me and i take advantage of my bfs family all the time.

I have no future, i want to go to uni but my bf will kick me out immdiately if i say anything because ill just 'whore myself out' when i get there. I have no where else to go. I have no one else but my bf and i treat him like such shit. I dont get his jokes, im not light hearted enough, i make him angry and violent.

Please tell me its okay to die, i just cant do it anymore...

---

[Rant/Rave] I have difficulty acknowledging my progress... (Rant)
/u/sprinkle1997 [5'2 | CW 125 GW 100 | 19F]
Created: Sun Jan 1 14:34:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lhbfu/i_have_difficulty_acknowledging_my_progress_rant/
---
Sorry for no flair, on mobile!

Anyways, I noticed that I never give myself any fucking credit. I lost 30 pounds within the second half of the year. My transformation is incredible when I compare myself with how I used to look. But for some reason when I look in the mirror, I see nothing good. I'm still so disgusted with my body. I'm going to work super hard to lose even more this year. I will get to 100 pounds in 2017. I'm not going to try to do it, I WILL do it.

---

[Goal] New Years started with weight loss!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 1 14:18:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lh8f4/new_years_started_with_weight_loss/
---
I wrote on here about a week ago stating I gained 6 pounds! I was pretty upset about it, but I chalked it up to me being on my period and eating recklessly. Well today when I woke up I weighed and I'm down to 146! Yayyyyy! I was at 146 and then I lost control. I'm happy to start New Years off on a positive note though and now I can continue weight loss. I'm not going to give into the extreme reckless eating anymore. I'm a huge anxious eater and now that I'm managing my anxiety most of my anxious cravings/nibbling have disappeared. It's phenomenal that my anxious eating has mostly subsided because I thought I was going to have to suffer with it forever.

I hope 2017 is starting out well for the rest of you guys :)

---

[Other] Happy new year!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 1 14:02:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lh5f5/happy_new_year/
---
[deleted]

---

[Other] Resolutions.
/u/Ravanys [BMI 29. Either super hungry or super full.]
Created: Sun Jan 1 13:47:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lh2ju/resolutions/
---
* No binging. Sticking to all of the tools I should be using to prevent them in the first place. Including self care which is the hardest.

* No purging. Even if I happen to binge.

* Eating at least 1000 calories a day but 1200 being the goal. If I am sick or something, that is one thing, but not just arbitrarily lowering or restricting.

This year will be the year I try and love myself. The best I can.

---

[Rant/Rave] Well, That was weird...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 1 13:39:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lh13s/well_that_was_weird/
---
[deleted]

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] I haven't eaten since last year.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 1 13:38:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lh0v4/i_havent_eaten_since_last_year/
---
[removed]

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So relieved that the holidays are over
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 1 13:25:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lgyig/so_relieved_that_the_holidays_are_over/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] (rant) I messed up so bad
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 139 | GW: 90 | F/18]
Created: Sun Jan 1 11:53:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lghi5/rant_i_messed_up_so_bad/
---
i'm starting off the new year with my
parents hating me because i binge drank yesterday with a friend. there is puke. all. over. my room. i can't get out of bed because I feel awful. My parents are really angry that I drank but I denied it and said I just got really sick (yeeeah, sure they'll believe that.) They're also annoyed that I haven't been eating much lately, because they notice when I sink back into disordered habits. To top it all off, after a couple days of restriction and only ONE small binge I have only lost .2 lbs. However, I was really wasted when I weighed myself so maybe it's the weight from all the liquids. My friend didn't get very drunk but left something at my house that made it obvious we were drinking. I don't know if my mom will let me hang out with her again. She's the only fucking real friend I have. I fucked up so bad. I feel terrible. I'm supposed to be the responsible child, but I proved my parents wrong. I'm never touching alcohol again. I'm too worn out to get out of bed and clean everything up so it smells awful. I didn't each much yesterday; had like two bagels and a cookie. Puked that all up. It doesn't feel satisfying at all. I hope the rest of the year won't be as rough as the first day...

---

[Other] starting fresh
/u/vvaifer
Created: Sun Jan 1 11:40:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lgf16/starting_fresh/
---
[fuel: counting calories with a ballerina](https://youtu.be/5356zt0JiDY)

the new year is the perfect time for fresh beginnings and goal setting - i desperately need to get myself back on track in terms of planning and tracking my intakes and activity. the short i've linked is super interesting to me because theresa farrell has loss/maintaining down to a science.

wishing everyone success and happiness for 2017!

(new here and on mobile so i've yet to figure out how to flair :-/)

---

[Discussion] What's your favorite things from Trader Joe's?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 1 11:20:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lgblf/whats_your_favorite_things_from_trader_joes/
---
I never really shopped at Trader Joe's but I have started recently and they have so many low cal, tasty things or things that I can eat 1/2 a serving of and be sated from. Just wonder what some of you guys' favorites are because I'm going shopping there tmro morning :) Some of my faves so far are: Chicken Tikka Samosas(80 cal for 2!! I eat 4-5 and am full), Mushroom fries(100 cal per serving), frozen stirfry veggies(has mushroom carrot, bean sprout, pea pods, water chestnuts, and edamame), fish nuggets(a little high cal but I eat like 3), and shrimp toast. I really like food that isnt specifically marketed to be diet, that just happens to be low cal, and I've been busy so I've been eating alot of prepackaged food recently so TJs is a godsend

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[Tip] Weird tip for getting out of awkward "aren't you going to eat?" convos
/u/laika_206 [5'9 | 132 | 19.14 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 1 09:58:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lfx4d/weird_tip_for_getting_out_of_awkward_arent_you/
---
Hey guys! This is my first post and wanted to pass on a tip that has saved me a lot of Holiday awkwardness at work parties- I was really stressed about eating in front of my coworkers and trying to explain my eating habits because I was so determined not to slip up this month and found an easy way for me to get out of eating anything I didn't want to. I just tell people I have intestinal hyperpermeability (leaky gut syndrome), it's a pretty mild stomach issue but gives me a "legitimate" reason to pass up carbs, dairy, sugar and soy, no questions asked, it saves me a lot of "aren't you going to eat" awkwardness, plus you can develop it as an adult! Hope this helps and excited for all of us to reach our 2017 goals!

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I was feeling blue and I drew a bit
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 1 09:37:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lfttb/i_was_feeling_blue_and_i_drew_a_bit/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/5e0406ba8b6e44abb62e45d394557894?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=1a806cd2e4b9b457ad3f3fc56c12dd03

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I was feeling blue so I drew what I felt
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 1 09:27:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lfs7j/i_was_feeling_blue_so_i_drew_what_i_felt/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/2d944c755ef14fe69aa4aaacccfd5d84?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=2f02434b1ae56fec5bb530319ae8fc7a

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[Goal] Starting over for the new year
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | F | GW:115 | -17 | BMI 23.8]
Created: Sun Jan 1 09:15:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lfqcm/starting_over_for_the_new_year/
---
The holidays completely messed me up. I didn't have a plan and I didn't have any self control. I was 20 pounds down before thanksgiving and haven't able to get back on track since then. I've gained 14 pounds back, which is humiliating.

Today is the first day of the new year and I'm determined to lose those 14 pounds and then 16 more to reach my goal.

I **can** do it. I don't need food and I don't need to feel full. I hope everyone reaches their goals this year ♡

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Does your heart rate skyrocket after drinking?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 1 07:42:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lfdfa/does_your_heart_rate_skyrocket_after_drinking/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/dc07f57747a54031905fe0c882be3623?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=fea4111ae3bdfccde0e0719d758ebc59

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[Goal] Happy post for once - started my 2017 off with my lowest weight ever!
/u/fuckthislol [174cm | 49kg | 16.18/15.95| F]
Created: Sun Jan 1 06:24:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lf4ho/happy_post_for_once_started_my_2017_off_with_my/
---
Weighed myself this morning, and 51kg exactly! I'd never even gotten below 52kg before! I'm almost certain the majority of that that's disappeared is water weight, cause I was drinking last night, and holy cow alcohol makes me wee like anything, and I very much suspect it'll creep back up because I drank a ton of calories and also ate a bunch of greasy terrible for you takeout shit + salted nuts + chocolate, and didn't do a huuuge amount of walking or anything, and all that salty food will make me retain a bunch of water again, but I'm still so happy for now! Also gross but on the plus side the takeout + alcohol combo really cleared me out this morning, which I suspect also lost a bit of weight because I am *very* unregular nowadays 😭

My goal weight had been 50kg, but tbh I think I look quite okay ish now, and I know my dad is already worrying a bunch so I kinda don't want to lose any more just yet, maybe after a little bit to let him get used to it and not worry, so I think I'm just going to try and maintain for a little, which I'm not 100% on, but I'm willing to give it a try!

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jan 1 05:09:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lewud/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
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Happy Sunday January 01, 2017~

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 01, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jan 1 05:09:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lewtv/daily_food_diary_january_01_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for January 01, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Other] Not trusting soda machines
/u/Castoroilexperiment [5'6 | 95 | 29F| 17]
Created: Sun Jan 1 03:54:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lepql/not_trusting_soda_machines/
---
At work today for working the holiday, we got $5 free to spend in the cafeteria. I decided to mess around with the coke freestyle machine and decided on Fanta Zero with peach. As I sat here and drank it, I kept running thoughts through my head...was I sure I picked the diet version, what if it was regular Fanta? What if someone ran the tubes wrong and I was drinking regular soda?? I drank half and threw it away. I almost want to log 3 regular Fanta sodas just to be sure, even though I'm pretty sure I picked the Fanta zero.


This shit really fucks with your head. I was never a nutball like this before.

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[Rant/Rave] Well I'm back for the year because falling in love and recovery fucked me up even more.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jan 1 01:39:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lecs5/well_im_back_for_the_year_because_falling_in_love/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Can't stick with a plan
/u/sunsetigerlily [5'5 | CW: 130 | BMI: 21.6 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 1 01:18:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5leaml/cant_stick_with_a_plan/
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Every fucking time I try to lose weight, it backfires on me. I nearly doubled my weight in three years, going from a bmi of 13 to 20. I'm the heaviest I've ever been, and it's so damn frustrating. My plan is to try and get back down to a bmi of 15, and maintain that. I laid out a four-month plan involving an exercise routine and 500cal a day. I just want to feel skinny...

The last time I attempted to lose a shit ton of weight, I literally gained 20 lbs. I'd eat nothing for a few days, then binge like crazy after. I just can't seem to lose this goddamn weight... ugh. What a fucking failure.

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[Other] Found this gem in my "recommended videos" list on YouTube.
/u/Miss_Sangwitch
Created: Sat Dec 31 23:03:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ldv9o/found_this_gem_in_my_recommended_videos_list_on/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] RANT again :( 30 minutes into the new year
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 156.8 | -13.2 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 31 22:40:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ldsi1/rant_again_30_minutes_into_the_new_year/
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And my best fucking friend (not anymore you can bet) makes a fat joke around my brother WHO MADE A FAT JOKE YESTERDAY. She fucking knows explicitly that I have binge eating disorder and still made the joke to my fucking brother ergo fueling the cycle of no one cares/thinks my disorder matters because they can't see what's happening in my mind. I broke down crying to her about it a month ago and she said I can always talk to her and to not bottle things up. Her using this against me obviously means I fucking can't.

Great way to start the year.

Happy fucking knew year and hope yalls families and friends are less shitty than mine. Your support got me through the shitty day I had yesterday and I'm starting to rely on you far more than these fake friends in my real life.

On mobile, can't flare.

Update: She came up to me and said I can say something mean about her if I want. I said nothing because IM NOT FUCKING LIKE THAT. I'll just sit here and try to not cry because apparently it's the only fucking thing I'm good at.

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[Discussion] Do you have non ED/weigh resolutions?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 31 20:51:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ldeg4/do_you_have_non_edweigh_resolutions/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ldeg4/do_you_have_non_edweigh_resolutions/

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[Rant/Rave] Fuck that
/u/mikey-way [5'2 | 114.4 | 21.68 | -16 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 31 20:44:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lddn6/fuck_that/
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It's New Years, I'm with a bunch of 11-14 year olds. I just spoke up and said I'm going to eat, and one girl looks at me and goes, "I'm not gonna eat, cause that makes you fat."

Well, fuck that. Looks like I'm not eating tonight. Happy fucking New Year, am I right?

On mobile, can't flair. Tag this as rant/rave, I guess.

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[Rant/Rave] GTFOUT OF MY HEAD [rant]
/u/orangejujubes
Created: Sat Dec 31 20:03:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ld8b7/gtfout_of_my_head_rant/
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I hate hate hate the negative, nit-picky, nasty voice in my head. Like, please stop. I try so so so hard to be positive and find nice things about myself. I try to encourage myself, be nice to myself, talk myself down from the ledge of anxiety. I've tried journaling, talking to a therapist, CBT, medication, jumped through all the hoops. But it just won't stop, the intrusive thoughts just won't let me be. Telling me I'm fat here, ugly there, picking away at my every flaw. It's overwhelming, some days I just can't bear how 'not good enough' I am. I have tried so hard to eat healthy, stick to my workout plans without pushing myself further, I tossed my scale, use my strategies to avoid bingeing, tell people my feelings, do every 'self esteem' booster ever, etc. But no matter what I do, this voice - my voice - won't quiet down. I don't know what more to do.


Sorry no flair, in on mobile; 5'7, 110lbs, GW: I don't even know anymore.

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[Intro] I need to rant. It's been a while and I stepped a way from here for a minute but i am back. So this is sort of a rant/re-introduction.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sat Dec 31 19:43:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ld5gi/i_need_to_rant_its_been_a_while_and_i_stepped_a/
---
I am a 25 year old male who struggles with BED, Bulimia and Anorexia. I am not underweight now but I have been in the past. I struggle the most with B/P behaviors and I restrict a lot. The last few months have been a lot for me. I have been in the hospital a couple of times for complications regarding being Bi-Polar and having an eating disorder. I have been formally diagnosed with an eating disorder for almost two years now but i have struggled for over 10 years or so. It all started when i was 13 or 14 with bullying and some traumatic abuse. I was convinced the only way people would accept me is if i was thinner and at the time i was overweight. I hated being overweight. I was overweight until i was 13 or 14 then i experienced some trauma that i still struggle with. I was diagnosed with PTSD from some of my traumatic experienced which are not limited to but include rape, and physical and emotional abuse.

I lost a lot of weight when i was 14 and dropped from 235lbs to 125lbs in a matter of months because i started walking and exercising more and eating next to nothing. My weight went up and down for years. I got help for my ED two years ago and was seeking outpatient treatment with a psychiatrist, a therapist and a dietician. I was put on a meal plan.

I was very uncooperative because despite struggling immensely I still wanted to be thin no matter what. I was about 160lbs to 170lbs when i got treatment and it bothered me that no one on my treatment team would allow me to lose weight. I stopped trying to be better or get better.

fast foreword a year and i was confronted by my treatment team to go into residential treatment because i was not receiving the right amount of support in outpatient treatment. I spent 4 to 5 weeks in residential treatment before my insurance decided to step me down to partial hospitalization (PHP) and i was required to go to treatment 7 days a week for 10 to 11 hours and eat all meals on site. This was very nerve racking and as a result of refeeding and my body being a piece of shit i gain some weight over the months i was in treatment. I switched treatment facilities and was on a slightly longer leash. I was able to restrict two days out of the week and only had to go to treatment for two meals and one snack. I still didn't like being in treatment because I was convinced i didn't need help. I wanted to lose weight and was convinced once i hit my UGW I would be content and just learn to eat at maintenance.

some stuff happened while i was in treatment. A girl got attached to me and we hung out. She was physically aggressive and was not reading my signals of lack of interest. We intially hung out as friends and she wanted more than that. I currently nor at the time desire a relationship until i feel like my body is ready. That may sound silly but i don't feel worthy of anyone until i can at least be at peace with myself and my weight. I finally told this girl i didn't want to have a relationship and then she brought our hanging out to the attention of the treatment facility. This was not met very well.

As a result I was labeled a perpetrator of some sort and she claimed i led her on and that i was the aggressive one. This soiled my treatment team and the facilities trust in me and I was then under extra scrutiny. I felt paranoid now. I was already bothered having to eat and do treatment but this made things worse. I was not to contact anyone else in my treatment cohort outside of program even people who willlingly gave me their numbers in case i needed support. I was having a rough night and reached out despite being told not to and as a result i was kicked out of my program pending being assessed for some sort of sexual issues. I do not believe i have any sexual issues besides trauma. I don't think i am the sort of person who pursues anyone. all of this treatment has left an awful taste in my mouth.

the redeeming factor is that I am no longer in treatment but I am also without a job and not in school. I have returned here to get support from others struggling because I do like this community. This community is very positive and inspiring and i would like to get back to posting in threads and even making my own posts.

This is my story. I just want to be beautiful physically because my life has been so ugly.

with all of this I can claim a lot right now. I am on day 6 of fasting and I am down a couple pounds and I have crunched all the numbers to be able to achieve my goals by as early as march or april. The idea that i could achieve my UGW with some discipline and control gives me hope. This path could land me back in treatment but maybe if i do go to treatment again I will be underweight instead of overweight. I set a high bar for myself and may be biting off more than i can chew (excuse the food pun) but i am convinced I can do all of this in the coming year. For the math nerds here I have included my calculations at the end of this and would like any insite on where my numbers may be wrong.

starting height/weight : 5'9" 178.7lbs BMI: 26.3

first goal: 160lbs BMI: 23.6

second goal: 145lbs BMI: 21.4

third goal:125lbs BMI: 18.5

Ultimate probably unattainable goal 115lbs BMI: 17.0
(this may be dangerously thin)

at my current weight my BMR is estimated to be about 1880 according to a male BMR calculator though I calculated for female and it came to about 1600 so I am averaging the two and going with 1700 to be safe maybe even closer to 1600 because I believe my metabolism is very low. I do some walking most days but i calculated for a sedentary BRM to low ball my BMR.

If i take 1200 from my BMR I have 500 left for calories to consume. I plan on fasting some days and eating as much as 300 to 500 on days when I do. the 1200 every day adds up to a 8400 deficit or 2.5 pounds a week. This is a reasonable start though I assume with some fasting and excerise I may be able to bump this up to as much as 4 pounds a week. This means I am about 16 weeks from my ultimate goal if i don't slip up. I may slip up but this still puts me close to my goal by march or april.

Thank you to anyone who would read all of this. I love all of you. I am glad to be back. I will post more regularly if you all will have me.

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[Rant/Rave] Bodies are awful
/u/MeraxesPestis [5'2" | 204.8 lbs | 38.8 | -85.2 lbs | GQ]
Created: Sat Dec 31 19:14:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ld1gk/bodies_are_awful/
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I've gained 19 lbs in 6 days because of hormones and being sick. I know bloat and water retention (the amount of super-salty processed canned soups I've had to eat because my fever/head-cold-thingy is making me too dizzy to stand long enough to cook my own) isn't going to last but my mood is way too dependent on watching that number go down every morning. I can't wait to not have to deal with hormones ever again, and for winter to be over so I stop getting sick and have the energy to fast instead of just restrict. (I mean alternatively I could also just learn to like myself but I feel like I've been working on that long enough to realize that's an unrealistic goal).

Thanks for letting me randomly stranger-rant at y'all. Happy New Years and I hope y'all are having a better night and a we all have wonderful years ahead.

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[Help] Experimenting with not counting calories, Anyone else have experience?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 31 18:41:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lcwmw/experimenting_with_not_counting_calories_anyone/
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Since I often regret even getting into counting calories, my end goal is to maintain without counting, and I also eat a lot of things I just can't count accurately(Locally produced things without nutrition labels, Family meals, ect) I'm guessing I'll have to be more vigilant about portion control(Probably still measure things out). I'm aware I'll probably lose slower, Which I'm aiming for now anyway. But I think it's worth a try, When I first started out I didn't count and still lost a good amount.

This is almost like controlled recovery to become a bit more relaxed about food haha.

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[Discussion] [Discussion] What goes through your mind when you see a really skinny person in real life?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 31 18:29:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lcus2/discussion_what_goes_through_your_mind_when_you/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Starting 2017 with damage control. Any of you all have resolutions?
/u/theirishone
Created: Sat Dec 31 17:31:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lclxy/starting_2017_with_damage_control_any_of_you_all/
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Today I bought two bottles of caffeine mio and a box of vanilla coke zero. I'm cutting sugar and alcohol back out of my diet. I'm going to major on protein, caffeine, and green vegetables. I'm going to lift weights 4 days a week, do yoga 7 days a week, walk 3+ miles 7 days a week. I'm going to be perfect.

My waist measurement will stay under 25 inches. I will gain strength and increase my big lifts week by week. I will cut fat while building muscle until my face is lean and elegant instead of cute and chubby. I will buy nicer workout clothes and keep my hair trimmed neatly. I am going to be perfect.

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[Discussion] [Discussion] what're your New Years resolutions?
/u/charredsouls
Created: Sat Dec 31 17:26:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lckyl/discussion_whatre_your_new_years_resolutions/
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* on mobile, can't flair, sorry!

Not sure if this has been asked, but what is/are your New Years resolutions?

For me, I know I'm stuck in a disordered eating mindset for a while, but mine is to stop binging and purging. I started in June and since then it's been hell. Many of my binges have been 6,000+ calories, and take me an hour to an hour and a half to purge. For many obvious reasons, this can't continue.

The upside is I haven't purged since Dec. 23rd, the longest period since I started. Christmas weekend was the mother of all binges without being able to purge (5,000+ cals every single day from Thursday to Sunday), so the torture I've been through in the last week trying to get the weight off/feeling like a bloated POS has been enough for me to learn a pretty harsh lesson.

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[Help] Embarrassing text received from my SO's brother
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 31 17:22:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lckc8/embarrassing_text_received_from_my_sos_brother/
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Hey guys,


The last few days I was up at my SO parents house for a late Xmas. We all had a great time and then my SO and I drove home because I had to work Friday night.

Well, today I recived a text from my SO brother. To say the least it is super embarrassing.
His brothers name is Kyle.

Here it is:

Kyle: Hey Kirsten! i just saw a photo of you from HS graduation you've changed a lot!! Just wanted to say good for you

Me: don't be trollin. Yea, I was the ugly duckling.

Kyle: Also you guys were in that hot tub for a long time do i need to tell dad to use extra chemicals to kill the sperm? LOL

Kyle: I wasnt trollin.... you were a big girl and you look great now... how is that trollin?


WTF?!?!?!?!? That's so mean. Why was he digging through my past to find those pictures? My only guess is that he was digging through Facebook and stumbled across my mom's page. He's such a dick. Why would someone ever bring up someone else's weight like that?

I ate 2 cookies at 3a.m at work last night (they were left over from a going away party) and now I feel the biggest pit of guilt. Why did I eat those cookies? They're just going to make me a giant fatass again.

I'm having so much fucking terrible luck with my SO reading all my reddits and now his fucked up brother.

Great way to start my NYE. Whatever I'll be ringing In the new year at work anyways. I'll have to start it off by not eating anything.

Mobile no flair

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[Goal] I am finally resigning to my disorder. Eating normally is too unrealistic a goal. So I am now focusing on harm reduction and management.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 134 | 19.8 | -2.5 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 31 16:42:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lcdsu/i_am_finally_resigning_to_my_disorder_eating/
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In a way, it feels liberating to reach this conclusion. But it's also disappointing, too. I just... I've been dealing with this for 13 years, and, while of course eating normally is possible, I'm not willing to go through the weight gain, trial and error, and immense struggle it would take to get there. So I'm just going to try to not die while letting my eating habits be controlled by fear, and I'm going to go back to not giving any mind to my hunger cues. Because that's the only thing I've ever known. And it's the best I can do.

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[Other] One last binge - Happy New Year, everyone!
/u/poisonandvenom
Created: Sat Dec 31 15:55:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lc6la/one_last_binge_happy_new_year_everyone/
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Anyone else treating New Year's Eve as the last, final binge? I've been eating like a pig the last few weeks, but I am so *done*, and ready to stop, ready to restrict, ready to fade.

I've been inundating myself with thinspo, reminding myself of my goals and my limitations, I will not end 2017 as fat as I entered it. I'm back up to 68kg.... I will hit 50kg. by next December. I will. I will.

I have so much planned for this year - university, prom, a summer vacation to Eastern Europe. And I will be beautiful for all three of them. I will. I will.

Happy New Year, you guys! What are your goals for this year?

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[Rant/Rave] Bf mocked me for looking at "eating disorder stuff" on my phone
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 31 14:28:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lbspl/bf_mocked_me_for_looking_at_eating_disorder_stuff/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] waist measurement and weight
/u/eggtitties
Created: Sat Dec 31 12:26:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lb7t5/waist_measurement_and_weight/
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what's the smallest your waist has been/is and at what weight? :)

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[Rant/Rave] Going to my boyfriend's house for New Year's Eve
/u/nobutlisten [5'5" | CW: 114.8 | GW: 109 | 25 F 👽]
Created: Sat Dec 31 12:14:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lb5oy/going_to_my_boyfriends_house_for_new_years_eve/
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And there is going to be NO healthy food. I'm so fucked. I think I'm just going to make this a treat day for the week--I haven't had one in two weeks. Ugh I just wish that food and eating didn't raise this much anxiety in me. I just want to be normal. But when I try to be normal, I get fat. So I can be normal or skinny but not both. AAUUUGHHH.


(Made a new account, didn't want to be using my old one because I think an old friend found out my username. Hi everyone!)

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[Discussion] Light as a feather, floating on air. I want to be perfect, and barely there.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 31 10:51:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lar4l/light_as_a_feather_floating_on_air_i_want_to_be/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Ending the year off right! Reached my lowest weight in a year this morning.
/u/bo0youwhore [5'4" | Lost: 9lb | CW: 110 | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 31 10:28:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5lanb3/ending_the_year_off_right_reached_my_lowest/
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I have struggled with my weight for the past two years. My lowest adult weight was 98 pounds when I worked as a server in a restaurant, and I haven't been able to get back down to that weight since it wasn't from dieting, just high activity.

105lbs is the weight that I was before I started working at my current job a year ago, and at my worst point I had gained 15lbs (so 120 pounds total!!) because of the office environment, being taken out to lunch a few times per week by my bosses, and free cafeteria food (and pastry bar).

I have been using EC stacks for 2 weeks now and I've gotten down to 108 pounds this morning! I am so excited. My feasible goal weight is 100 but I'd love to be 90. Last night I was thinking about going out to breakfast this morning and getting a big stack of pancakes but seeing my weight has made me resist the temptation. Here's to looking nice in my NYE dress tonight!!

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[Rant/Rave] My moods effect my eating so much
/u/Teasustainslife [5'2,? broke scale, -42 all together, CGW 120, UGW 106 19F]
Created: Sat Dec 31 09:07:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5la9jf/my_moods_effect_my_eating_so_much/
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I'll admit I'm generally a pretty moody person. I have cycles of all different moods and they effect how I do a lot of things. One thing it seems to hit very heavily is my eating.

When I started to restrict again I wasn't in a *BAD* place per say, Just a little more anxious and self hatred because of some things that happened. Recently some of aforementioned things got better, I'm happier and more positive. Now I'm like "Meh, Maybe I should eat more" I accidentally ate 400 at breakfast today and I don't even care.

I do still want to lose weight, But I guess more healthfully? Suppose I could stay around 1200 for a while.

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! December 31, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Dec 31 05:07:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l9erl/stupid_questions_saturday_december_31_2016/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for December 31, 2016.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 31, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Dec 31 05:07:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l9eqp/daily_food_diary_december_31_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 31, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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Fuck my life lol
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 31 04:57:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l9dnq/fuck_my_life_lol/
---
[removed]

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Thought you guys would get a kick out of this mug I found in my mother's kitchen.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 31 04:18:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l99yz/thought_you_guys_would_get_a_kick_out_of_this_mug/
---
http://imgur.com/a/xhDUw

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[Discussion] DAE just enjoy crunching the numbers sometimes?
/u/PersonaThief [5' 2.5" | 140.8 lbs | 26.2 BMI | -33.2 lbs | Male | 23]
Created: Sat Dec 31 02:16:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l8yel/dae_just_enjoy_crunching_the_numbers_sometimes/
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I am, admittedly, *quite* bored with very little to do. I also have OCD and a general fascination with numbers.

Lamenting my lack of scale or general measurement-taking supplies (I have no idea where I'm at, as I've been away from those things for the last 2 weeks), I started digging around for various assorted weight-related numbers.

Pounds. Kilograms. Stones.

BMR. TDEE. BMI. LBM. BF%.

Pant size. Waist size.

(I think you get the picture.)

So, I started up a whole document on where I'm at currently, where I likely *should* be (to remain healthy), and where I'd actually *like* to be (despite it being rather unhealthy). I took the actual formula for the old and new BMI scales and charted out the whole scale-range for my height (I'm in-between inches, so there was no easy way to do it except manually), and then calculated my Lean Body Mass (as close as I could), and charted out the approximate weight-range for each level of Body Fat % from "Essential" up through "Obese." Then I used those ranges and a mix of the supposed "ideal" weight for my build/height, and the supposed "ideal" BF% for someone of my gender to guesstimate a "healthy" ideal weight for myself.

After that, still bored, I started calculating my BMR at the different Goal Weights as I made my way down (every 5 lbs or so). I took that and calculated my own TDEE (slightly below sedentary, as I literally lay down or sit down all day long), then took 80% of it (since they've documented metabolic slow-down due to restriction as high as 20%) and started calculating how much less I'd have to eat each day to lose 5 lbs in X amount of time. I kept doing that, going further and further down to get a rough guesstimation on how long it would take me to achieve my UGW.

Just now, I went through and took all my calculations in pounds and converted them to kilograms, just to see what they looked like. Get a feel for how someone in the UK might look at themselves.

Does anyone else do this? Am I just CRAZY obsessive with way too much time on my hands?

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[Help] alcohol & being clean on the inside?
/u/hayley_ [5' 10| 141 | 20.2 | -135 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 31 00:26:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l8mjz/alcohol_being_clean_on_the_inside/
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at my hw last year I was 275lbs now at my lowest I am 141lbs. when I eat food, any food, all I can think of is the big lump of chewed up gunk in my stomach and how that sludge is moving through me. when I drink I feel like the alcohol cleans my insides, like isopropyl alcohol for inside of me. I was just wondering if anyone feels the same or struggles with this. I always try to restrict to about 600 calories a day and when 400 of that is booze because of this obsession with being pure I get really sick and faint easily. I bruise like a peach and fainting has given me two black eyes in two months, things are getting out of control... I just want to know I am not alone.

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[Rant/Rave] Just completely my first fast! :) [Rave]
/u/llamadude00
Created: Sat Dec 31 00:24:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l8mbf/just_completely_my_first_fast_rave/
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It's 1am right now and I just broke my fast by eating 160 cals of oatmeal, 99 cals of protein powder, and 150 cals of nadamoo java chip but it's ok bc I'm only going to 600 max today, I just wanted something tasty to break my fast.

I'm so proud of me haha! I just feel so strong that I could do this.

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[Help] How much weight can you lose in 3 weeks?
/u/Salsa_waffle
Created: Sat Dec 31 00:21:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l8lus/how_much_weight_can_you_lose_in_3_weeks/
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[removed]

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How much can you lose in 3 weeks?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 31 00:16:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l8lad/how_much_can_you_lose_in_3_weeks/
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[deleted]

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My dad and I are so similar I'm starting to think he might be one factor in my ED
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 31 00:06:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l8k4h/my_dad_and_i_are_so_similar_im_starting_to_think/
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[deleted]

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[Goal] My baby bikini bridge!
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 23:51:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l8i7c/my_baby_bikini_bridge/
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http://imgur.com/a/uM0vW

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[Rant/Rave] No access to a scale and I'm going insane
/u/Raspberry_Pancake
Created: Fri Dec 30 23:50:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l8i4a/no_access_to_a_scale_and_im_going_insane/
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My parents currently do not own a scale as their previous one broke and they have no need for a new one (they usually use it to weigh luggage anyway...) I can't check my weight and it's giving me huge anxiety. They live in a small-ish town so the pharmacy here doesn't have the pay-to-weigh machines either.


I have zero way of checking whether I've gained due to Christmas food or lost due to picking up Pokemon Go and being more active the past week.


This puts me in a lot of distress that I can't check my weight for 2 weeks D:

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[Help] Does anybody else hate showering?
/u/PrefixAffixSuffix
Created: Fri Dec 30 22:57:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l8amx/does_anybody_else_hate_showering/
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I hate it.

I have to get naked and I'm forced to confront the pale, fleshy, fatty beast that looks back at me in the mirror.

I dread it.

Because I know I'm going to inspect myself. Criticize, make everything worse. Pick at things. Find new even more awful insecurities.

I dread the self loathing that comes with having to touch my fat directly, no clothing to protect my hand from my disgusting bits.

I have to feel my thighs directly touching, skin to skin. And I have to feel the gross way my stomach sticks out.

And I know I HAVE to shower. But I put it off until the last minute, tell myself I'll do it tomorrow, or the next day.

But then my hair is greasy and I can't go out and I feel even grosser and I fall deeper into this mess.

I hate it, it's the most painful part of my day.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm suffering from a chronic hunger that food can't fix
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 22:40:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l886x/im_suffering_from_a_chronic_hunger_that_food_cant/
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I can eat until I'm fucking stuffed and I still feel like I haven't eaten for days. It used to only happen every two days or so, but now it's fucking constant. Water calms it down a bit, but I'm so exhausted. I hate being this fucking ravenous constantly. I can easily fall asleep, but it's not enjoyable. I'm considering just taking some fucking Ritalin and being over with it. I just want normal fucking hunger signals back. I've searched the web and I can't find anything. It used to get worse when I was hit by anxiety, but now it's just this constant extreme hunger pang. Does anyone have any ideas what to do? I've upped my intake, I've done EVERYTHING.

I'm sorry if this isn't the place for this, but I know you guys have experience with the effects of eating disorders and stuff and I don't know where else to fucking go.

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[Rant/Rave] So torn up (rant/pityparty)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 30 22:04:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l82t6/so_torn_up_rantpityparty/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm back, and I missed you all. I need to rant.
/u/Skinny_Mama [5'4" | 118.4 | 20.72 | -41lbs. | F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 20:27:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l7o27/im_back_and_i_missed_you_all_i_need_to_rant/
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Hello everyone. It has been about 6 months since I was really active on this sub. We moved and I was really busy, and actually pretty happy. I've been able to maintain my weight loss for the most part. I'm about 5 lbs. up from my last flair update back in June, but I'm keeping it up as motivation not to eat. Unfortunately, my "maintenance" has just been a roller coaster of binging and restricting. I use an EC stack to help curb my appetite, because nothing else seems to work. I start doing well and think "maybe I'll just cut back on the EC stack" or "I don't need that today." But when I don't take it I'm so tired, and hungry, and irritable. I hate how I feel. Then, I give in and eat too much. Then I feel like a pig and start the stack again. I don't want to be on it forever, but at this point, I'm terrified if I stop then I won't have the self control to stop binging. I will get fat again. I can't get fat again. I don't have anyone to talk to about this, so thanks for letting me rant.

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[Rant/Rave] RANT Family doesn't understand that I have a DISORDER
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 165 | BMI 28.3 | -0lbs | F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 20:07:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l7ku9/rant_family_doesnt_understand_that_i_have_a/
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I apologize in advance for the foul language.

Here's the setting, I'm at a family dinner with all my immediate family, some semi immediate family and some family friends and my fucking brother says as a part of grace that "let's pray tootiredrn gets on the treadmill this year" then later in the night wants to be friendly. My entire fucking family thinks it's just me DECIDING to eat as much as I do. They don't fucking understand that I. AM. NOT. IN. CONTROL. OF MYSELF. when I am around food and just getting on a treadmill won't solve my fucking issues.

I've explained again and again and they won't listen or don't care and their words fucking hurt. Hell, I'm pretty sure they're the reason I have this fucking disorder (EDNOS) in the first place because even at 115 lbs they told me how pudgy I was. The comments are 10x worse and 10x more regular now that I'm 160 lbs.

I fucking hate this and wish I would just spontaneously die to be over it (since I'd never do it myself).

On mobile, can't flare.

Update:
Mother heard me say to him "you already ruined my night you can't just pretend it never happened, leave me alone" and she says "it was only one comment" completely negating how that one comment made me feel and just how much words can hurt.

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[Help] can't sleep from hunger? (But not actually hungry!)
/u/moondogmom [5'6 | 18.3 | GW: 105 | 26F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 19:42:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l7grt/cant_sleep_from_hunger_but_not_actually_hungry/
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Lately I've been exercising and restricting more, and I've noticed that at night I feel hunger in my stomach and I feel really restless. I don't want to eat anything and I don't really feel actually hungry (like brain-hungry). The restlessness keeps me up :(

ideas?

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[Discussion] what's the most you've ever gained in one day?
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | hw: 139 | cw: 114 | gw: 95 | 19F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 19:41:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l7gmd/whats_the_most_youve_ever_gained_in_one_day/
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has anyone ever weighed themselves before & after a binge/bad eating day?

I binged today (2000 cal) and although it wasn't horrible I went up by exactly 4 pounds. tf??? I know it's water weight etc. but I'm already figuring out how to cancel my party plans for tomorrow bc there will be food & drink there :')

so pls: entertain my fat unsocial ass w your own experience?


also just for lols my binge was: 2 flavored lattes (why?), one cinnamon roll, 1 slice of pizza, cinnamon knots, & chocolate #health

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[Rant/Rave] Doctors (rant)
/u/biggoldie
Created: Fri Dec 30 19:00:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l7a32/doctors_rant/
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As soon as you're diagnosed with an ED it seems like doctors will no longer take you seriously and attribute everything to the ED. Acid reflux? ED! Constipation? ED! Sore throat! ED! Sure, all these things *could* be from the ED but not every fucking thing is a result of my ED.

I went to a new doctor today because I'm having rosacea flare-ups that occur frequently but almost always after I eat something. I said I had heard antibiotics can help some people. She said she didn't want to prescribe antibiotics because it could make my minor acid reflux worse. I said ok, I'll just continue to NOT EAT to avoid these flare ups. That definitely sounds like a better plan.

Next time I'm making an appointment with someone who won't have my ED history.

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[Discussion] Going vegetarian for a month
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | sw 🐳 gw bones | 24F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 18:14:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l72pe/going_vegetarian_for_a_month/
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Has anyone tried this recently? I just want to do it for thirty days. I feel like it'll be a good way for me to cut out a lot of calories.. tbh almost any time I eat meat lately I feel sick anyway, and then that awful voice in my head starts up with the whole "you're garbage" spiel.. I feel less disgusting when I eat healthier, not just less. Idk. I'm rambling, sorry.

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[Rant/Rave] Going out of my mind about tomorrow
/u/mstamp8790
Created: Fri Dec 30 17:23:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l6u1m/going_out_of_my_mind_about_tomorrow/
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Mobile, can't flair.

So, tomorrow I'm supposed to go out for the New Year. First to a friends house for a party and then to the bar. I really want to go and have a good time. I know there's gonna be a shit ton of alcohol though, and for the life of me, I can not drink like a lady! I would love to just fast through the day so I can save my calories for the drinks, but I'm a fat ass and don't think I'm gonna be able to manage it. What are some of your lowest cal but decently filling snacks??!

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[Discussion] Alcoholism and ED
/u/ObservingSilence [5'9" | CW:132.6lb | BMI:19.6 | GW:119lb |F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 16:17:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l6i8h/alcoholism_and_ed/
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Hello all! I was wondering how many of us on here struggle with alcoholism as well as disordered eating?

I'll be honest, I hate being an alcoholic because it puts me into binge mode and I can't lose weight. I can restrict rather easily when I don't drink, but I just can't seem to shake off the want of the drink. I've been making progress; what was every 2 days getting drunk is now 5, but I'm still gaining weight from my binging. I will not give up! I'll soon obtain my sobriety!

I'm curious what your thoughts are and your stories. Tips are welcome too.

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Little sliver of light (finally)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 30 16:17:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l6i5y/little_sliver_of_light_finally/
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http://imgur.com/WQP7jJ8

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[Discussion] Ever ask your family for help, and they won't?
/u/APairofScales [5'6" | CW:Too Much | BMI:Nope| Weight Lost:Too Little | Male]
Created: Fri Dec 30 16:07:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l6g9j/ever_ask_your_family_for_help_and_they_wont/
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My whole family recognises I have disordered eating, and for years I've asked them to help me manage it, even by just doing little things like not leaving donuts and chips in the middle of the kitchen counter all the time instead of putting them away so they're out of sight. But all they do is say its your fault, that you're not trying hard enough, and that you should stop 'stealing their food'...its get to the point where they start using it as a weapon, something to cut you down with in an argument or even just as passing comments, and all the time its 'your fault'. Anyone else deal with this?

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[Other] Having a hard time getting rid of too big clothes
/u/Teasustainslife [5'2,? broke scale, -42 all together, CGW 120, UGW 106 19F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 15:40:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l6bcj/having_a_hard_time_getting_rid_of_too_big_clothes/
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Apparently this is an issue going back to when I was a toddler, I have such a hard time getting rid of clothes, I get an emotional attachment to them(We've been through so much together! *dramatic sarcastic tone*).

But it is time, I have some medium/larges that don't fit in the slightest . Some things will be thrown into the 'reuse' pile to be donors for new things, Some are just too worn out to be anything but trash, And some will be given away.

It's weird though I keep thinking 'What if I get that big again?!" but then I remind myself as far as I can control I wont ever be that size again. Plus they're just old!

At least I can make room for new stuff I make or buy! I have very few small/extra small things so it gives me excuse to acquire more, Right?

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STARBUCKS & ALMOND MILK
/u/bumblers [5'8"| 125.3 | -20 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 15:08:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l65d3/starbucks_almond_milk/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Dad made a comment about me "disappearing away" just before dinner...
/u/fuckthislol [5'8.5 | 52.6kg | 17.37/17.12 | Not enough | F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 12:30:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l5ak2/dad_made_a_comment_about_me_disappearing_away/
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And he "sees what I'm doing" and "disappearing more every day" as we were all sitting down, so then of course I proceeded to fucking eat a third to a half of the fucking pie we had, of course finishing it off and clearing the fish out once everyone else had done, eat a ton of mash (which I usually avoid cause I can't resist that shit) and then proceed to eat handfuls of fucking granola out of the kitchen.

Holy shit I hate myself. I'm so fucking stuffed its ridiculous, and then after I made a comment about being stuffed, he just made a comment about how now I won't eat tomorrow cause I ate so much just. Like just piss offffff, fucking hellll.

I just want to exercise it all off, but I cant even fucking jog properly for long enough, because the tops of my feet and ankles are killing my from running the past four days in a row, which they are not used too. Guess I'll just bloody dose up on cocodamol and have to power through that shit.
For fucks sakes.

Edit- side note, anyone know if either paracetamol or codeine can make you gain weight or retain water? I tend to dose high and its making me paranoid

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[Rant/Rave] I can't get this shit right. I'm frustrated with myself.
/u/imelancholy [5'4" | CW: 146 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 11:57:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l53tl/i_cant_get_this_shit_right_im_frustrated_with/
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I started seeing a therapist a few days ago and that was the day I decided to start doing shit right or at least better for myself. I was going to eat less. I was going to stop binging. I was going to stop purging. I was going to stop smoking cigarettes. I wasn't going to let this shitty year of poor grades and poor motivation and emotional stress and first heart break fuck me up anymore.
I got chocolates as a present from a friend for catsitting. I wasn't going to say no. It was a gift! But I ate too much. I don't even like truffles or sweets for that matter but I ate so many pieces in the past...12 hours. I'm so gross. I need to give them away. I binged on them. I binged on the amount of rice I ate the in past few days since eating white rice again for the first time in months when I stopped by my family's house. I'm so gross. But I ate so much. Today it was too much in the few couple hours of the day. I binged. And I purged. And I felt absolutely nasty for binging. I felt nasty purging. I bought cigarettes to make myself feel better, but I just feel nasty the cigarette, too. A whole pack. A whole $10 that I can't afford but did anyway.
What's wrong with me? I can't fucking stick to it. This weight lost will go so easier without eating like a monster but I do, and I know it's wrong but I fucking do it. Why can't I just stop? Exercise will be so much nicer without sucking down boges, too, but I do it anyway. What is going on in my head? I'm so pathetic and frustrated. How do people do it. I've been purging for a fucking year and I'm still so fat. What the fuck?

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[Other] I'm back and looking for dank smoothies ._.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 30 11:54:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l539h/im_back_and_looking_for_dank_smoothies/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [vent] A quick panic-vent
/u/mariamegale
Created: Fri Dec 30 11:51:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l52lm/vent_a_quick_panicvent/
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I'm sitting in between my parents right now, mum to my right and dad to my left. They're sitting with a bowl of crisps each and for ten minutes, I shit you not, their hands have been going nonstop between the bowls and their mouths.

It's just bowl-mouth-bowl-mouth-bowl-mouth, a nonstop train of deepfried potatoes, all accompanied by the sound of loud chewing and swallowing.

Well, at least I don't have a craving for crisps anymore, and there's no wonder in my mind why they're fat and raised fat children. I feel sick and guilty, like I feel like that's how people see me.

Anytime I eat in public or with friends, my thoughts up there are exactly how I fear people think of me.

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[Rant/Rave] "Honey you're in the south, We know how to make vegetables as calorific as pecan pie!"
/u/Teasustainslife [5'2,? broke scale, -42 all together, CGW 120, UGW 106 19F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 11:31:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l4yeb/honey_youre_in_the_south_we_know_how_to_make/
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Wonderful quote I heard from someone today. Yeah, I'm aware. Every vegetable is slathered in mayonnaise, butter, Creamy dressings, Cheese or otherwise very calorie dense things. Not saying I don't love the odd coleslaw or squash and onions cooked in two sticks of butter. But seriously no wonder we're the fattest part of the USA! The look of terror when I say I eat vegetables without dressing is great.

hopefullyiwontbeattackedthistime

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[Discussion] C&S (Steph Bowe) "The Women Hiding a Secretive, Little-Known Eating Disorder"
/u/Suusss [\\ 5'6" // cw114.5 \\ -9.8 //]
Created: Fri Dec 30 10:29:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l4lmt/cs_steph_bowe_the_women_hiding_a_secretive/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] [discussion] What's your creative outlet?
/u/daughterofpolonius
Created: Fri Dec 30 09:33:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l4ag2/discussion_whats_your_creative_outlet/
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On mobile, sorry for being flair-less!

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[Help] Pho
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 09:27:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l495c/pho/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Cortisone and water retention
/u/Ire_of_suburbia [5'4" | 85lbs | 14,6 | -53 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 08:49:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l421j/cortisone_and_water_retention/
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This is probably just one of those ridiculous fears only an ED could cause but it's better to be safe than sorry I guess.
I know that cortisone is one of those meds that make you retain water, what I wanted to ask is does it only happen if you take it orally? I just had to start using a cortisone-based gel on my hands and I can't figure out if I should mentally prepare myself to see a scale increase in the next few days or not... Honestly, not knowing if I'm gonna be bloated or not is stressing me out way more than just knowing I'll have to live with some water weight for a while would :/

Edit: 1kg out of thin air. I guess I have my answer. I kinda want to cut off my legs right now.

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[Other] That feeling when..... [SI trigger warning]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 30 07:57:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l3skh/that_feeling_when_si_trigger_warning/
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[removed]

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[Other] Too weak to stand up
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 07:54:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l3s6v/too_weak_to_stand_up/
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I hate days like this. I haven't showered in days. I look like a train wreck and I have to brush my teeth sitting down or I'll faint. ED and alcoholism are really grinding my gears right now lmao. I need to update my flair to 100 but I'm scared it will doom me and make me fat again ):

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[Rant/Rave] Intro and rant
/u/smoresfitmymacros [5'6 | 125 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 07:51:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l3rq9/intro_and_rant/
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So I've been lurking here for a while now. I just got off of a 3 day fast and of course I ended up eating way more than I wanted. I had a decent salad, then some chocolate covered snacks with a glass of unsweetened almond milk. Why stop there? I had a bag of jerky then two slices of coffee cake too. I don't know why I would sabotage my hard work!

Last year I was able to get down to 115 without even putting in effort. I was 13% body fat!!! Now I'm 125 and I want to be 110 so badly! I'm making a vow right now to never eat sweets unless it's a special occasion. I get gifted sweets and baked goods all the time, now they're going to be given away or trashed. I'm a sucker for dark chocolate, but this new trend of baked goods hasn't happened in years. I'm ending it NOW.

I'm also considering a 24 hour fast every week, probably on my rest days from the gym. Alright, I just needed to tell someone who'd understand. Thanks y'all.

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[Rant/Rave] I had a nightmare that I binged
/u/KatsREAM [5'2"| CW: 104 | GW: ded |]
Created: Fri Dec 30 07:06:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l3kol/i_had_a_nightmare_that_i_binged/
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I've been trying my hand at lucid dreaming. So far, only minimal success, but my recollection and awareness is dreams has increased.


Cue me having a nightmare wherein I'm rushing to finish biochemistry and fine arts (??) exams and make submissions to an art gallery.


Anyway, it's FUCKED that even in my dreams, I deal with my failure, or lack of attempts, by making myself mountains of food and eating it all.
I can't even say I enjoyed it. It's just so triggering ... I woke up in a sweat.


Anyone else have these binge nightmares? What do you do? It's just provoking anxiety.

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[Discussion] DAE love food?
/u/theresapossibility [170cm | CW: lol | fat | -5 lbs | f]
Created: Fri Dec 30 06:43:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l3her/dae_love_food/
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I like baking. I like eating out [though rarely do it because I have to watch my salt intake]. I like trying new recipes. I don't really like to eat in front of other people but it doesn't give me anxiety the way it does other people. f I have to, it's ok. I just prefer not to. I also like going food shopping.

Maybe it's because I'm older, I don't know.

I can skip a meal. I can delay eating, but if I do eat, I have to enjoy what I'm eating or else I'd be so miserable.

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! December 30, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Dec 30 05:11:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l3572/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
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This is the weekly picture thread for December 30, 2016.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

**Rules**

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host.

Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, inspiration behind your OOTD (trying to look thin or cover up weightloss, etc.)!

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 30, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Dec 30 05:10:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l356l/daily_food_diary_december_30_2016/
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This is a daily food diary thread for December 30, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Other] My big weightloss secret is of self-loathing and anxiety with every meal! :)
/u/pcrnography [5'6" | -77 lbs | nb]
Created: Fri Dec 30 02:04:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l2jvs/my_big_weightloss_secret_is_of_selfloathing_and/
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http://imgur.com/UH75P9A

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[Rant/Rave] Its 2:45 am
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 107.8 | BMI:21 l GW 90| -36.2 l F]
Created: Fri Dec 30 02:03:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l2jpv/its_245_am/
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I spent the night smoking after a while of not doing that, got stupid high. Friend says "want some ice cream?" And before I could stop myself I said yes.

And of course that led me to eat a fuck ton of holiday candy as soon as I got home. I wasn't even hungry. Just a cup or so of ice cream was enough to push me over the edge. I was a little over budget already, and I guess I got that "fuck it, day's already ruined" sort of feeling. [It would have been less ruined if I had stopped at 900 before the ice cream, when I realized I went over 700 (?!)]

Its so stupid too, this whole day I was thinking about how I've been too scared to go over 600, maybe i should use my extra calories from these past few days to go into maintenance for one day. I wasn't hungry at all today. I guess I just got anxious at the thought of eating at a controlled higher intake and stress ate??

So now its 2:45 am, my stomach is really fucking bloated and painful, my heart's doing hurty things and I can't fucking sleep. Trying to lie still and not silently exercise until dawn while my boyfriend sleeps next to me. Best part is tomorrow and the next day we have gatherings to go to with his family and his mother who hates my guts. Guess I'm going to have a 'stomach bug!'

Tbh I want to take ambien but Im running sort of low. Guess I'll see if nyquil does the trick. Scared it might have calories though.

I guess the bright side to all this is I actually had the balls to record the binge instead of hiding from logging it. Maybe it's a step in the right direction. Idk. At least i know it was a little less than i think. I hope i can fix it by the week's end.

Thanks for reading if you got this far. Just had to let it out.

---

[Discussion] ED new years problems
/u/gaylordtumblr
Created: Fri Dec 30 01:10:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l2dq0/ed_new_years_problems/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Aching bones
/u/ethereal-sea-nymph [5'3 | CW 109 | GW: idek | Female]
Created: Fri Dec 30 00:25:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l2874/aching_bones/
---
Even though I've been lingering at my lowest weight ever (108-109 lbs) all week, I was still in denial that my ED had really, reeeeally returned. Then I jinxed myself. Blah. I told my husband "it's really not that bad Honey- I'm not having any of the side effects that I usually get when things have gone too far." And then BAM. All day today my toes were frozen and my bones ached. Ugh. I guess there's really no denying it now.

---

[Rant/Rave] Excited to start my first 0 cal liquids only fast! [Rave] :)
/u/llamadude00
Created: Thu Dec 29 23:46:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l2308/excited_to_start_my_first_0_cal_liquids_only_fast/
---
As of midnight tonight I'm doing my first liquids only 24 hr fast. I have water and Coke Zero and a giant thing of monster Zero to help me :) yay!

---

[Goal] I'M GAINING HEIGHT AGAIN!
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Thu Dec 29 23:41:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l2294/im_gaining_height_again/
---
1cm overnight. I usually measure myself in the mornings, so it's not phantom. This puts me at a much lower bmi, which is great! I've been having troubles with hardcore cravings and lots of hunger. Maybe that's it?

Flair: **Goal**

---

[Help] Overcoming Binging while Living with Family
/u/syntheticseasalt
Created: Thu Dec 29 21:54:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l1lto/overcoming_binging_while_living_with_family/
---
(Mobile, no flair, apologies!)
Hello friends. I am a student and i live with my family, so i do not have control over all of the groceries my family purchases and keeps in the house.
When i was anorexic, this was no problem. I just simply didnt have the desire to eat unsafe/bad foods. Now that i am bulimic and trying to overcome binging behaviors, it's extremely difficult for me because i can't get away from these foods.
I feel trapped. If i have the urge to b/p, i can easily do so. And i feel so guilty for using my family's money to binge, but it's a disorder, and it's extremely difficult to quit. It's like trying to quit a drug addiction while the drugs are all around me to tempt and mock me.
So does anyone have any advice? I might sound like a complete idiot here. Thanks for listening

---

[Rant/Rave] Even cigarettes have turned against me now
/u/Eldritchwhore369 [5'7" | 106 | 16.8 BMI | -19 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 29 21:37:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l1j5g/even_cigarettes_have_turned_against_me_now/
---
I'm starting to lose my mind, so forgive me if this post is pretty disjointed.

Despite eating "normally' i.e. binging for about a week, I've maintained 106. While it's a hit above my goal weight, I'm decently okay with how I look sometimes, and no longer rabid about losing weight. I'd like to lose about 10 more pounds, but gradually. Anyway, I'm getting away from the point.

I feel completely out of control, like I'm on a precipice. My weight hasn't changed at all, but I feel like it MIGHT. I'm having a hard time believing the scale, and I know if I'm at or over 110 on the first, I'm going to have a meltdown. A big one.

Unfortunately, I'm a fat cow and can't control my eating, and worse, my usual cigarettes have started making nauseous as all hell. I feel light-headed, weak, and sick after smoking. This hasn't happened to me in the 8 years I've been smoking. They're awful, I know, but they're my security blanket, and probably suppress my appetite a lot. I don't even know-- they're one of the few things I've had longer than my ED.

I don't have the money to invest in a vape right now, so maybe I can try switching to lights? Anyone smoke lights and have a recommendation, or a reason why the FUCK this is happening to me.

---

[Rant/Rave] i can't take it anymore. i can't be normal. i'm falling back into the arms of ana, and i've stopped resisting her.
/u/sunflowerfairy [4'11" | no goal weight; nothing will ever be good enough.]
Created: Thu Dec 29 18:24:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5l0mq9/i_cant_take_it_anymore_i_cant_be_normal_im/
---
*i don't know how people do it.* i hate that i'm the loneliest i've ever been, at school and everywhere in general. i hate how *happy* and *cheerful* and *abso-fucking-lutely jolly* people are. i wish i could be a part of that, i wish i could go back to being normal and having friends but now they don't want me to be a part of that, and i've had to forcefully push everyone away because i steadily realised that i was never wanted or needed or appreciated by a lot of people that i was lead to believe thought otherwise. i've basically realised my *worth,* or lack of it.




i really, truly *tried.* i made myself eat and made myself try to exercise, despite how unhappy i was about it all. i thought it would make things better but it didn't, and i tried to ignore that. but i can't.



and i can't do this anymore. i tried to be all *happy and healthy* and just like everyone else but i can't. i've come to see how little so many people care, and i can't keep pretending like i'm unaffected and just brush my shoulders off and be all strong and badass, because i'm not like that. and because of that, i've come back to the sub that i'd promised to leave for good, because i've also come to realise how heavily i depended on...*this* (i can't define it) as a coping mechanism.



the restricting, the sense (or illusion) of control. the strength i have over my body, the incredibly weird power dynamics behind all of this. all of it.



and now i'm going to go back to damaging my physical health because others have already damaged my mental health, and there's just no point in anything anymore. i just don't see the point of brushing everything off and moving on. without ana, i have nothing to hold onto anymore and i'm desperate to go back to the way things were before because that's the only source of happiness that can keep me from going any more crazy than i already am right now. because i know i don't have to think about or deal with people when i have *her.* because i know that while others push me away and regard me with the outmost of dislike and disdain, ana will always warmly and lovingly welcome me into her arms.



sorry for ranting. but i hope you none of you lovelies are in the same boat and had a great christmas and a better month than i did. x

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else collect tableware?
/u/Teasustainslife [5'2,? broke scale, -42 all together, CGW 120, UGW 106 19F]
Created: Thu Dec 29 15:21:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kzobs/does_anyone_else_collect_tableware/
---
My biggest collection is cups and bowls. Most of my cups are mugs that have or are animal shaped. As for bowls I like rice bowls the best, A lot of them have pretty designs and are the perfect size for me. My mom has joked once I move out they'll have to buy cups and bowls since I own 90% of them.

I have one spoon I love. I had a antique fork I used occasionally but have seemingly lost it now. Just today when we were out shopping I found a set of six real teaspoons with a cute little designs on the handles. I'll definitely be using those to stir tea and to eat with because they're so dainty!

I can't explain why, But tableware is one of my favourite things, I don't go for matching sets or anything I just like finding unique things at thift/bargain stores mostly.

---

[Rant/Rave] "sometimes...."
/u/mintbloo [5'5 | CW: 116 | GW: 115]
Created: Thu Dec 29 15:14:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kzmz9/sometimes/
---
sometimes i eat so much till i can't breathe. my stomach aches, my body is warm. other people would love this feeling. it's a feeling of safety and comfort. but for me, it's a feeling of failure. it's a broken promise of "i'm restricting today." it's the truth. and right now, the top of my mouth is burning because i just binged on a whole pizza, not bothering to wait for it to cool down.

sometimes i don't eat at all. but when you see me, you think i have no trouble eating. because that's the only meal i'll have today. i also eat fast to get it over with. and because i'm nervous. i don't know what to do. i can't talk while eating, which is a great excuse to my habitual awkwardness.

sometimes i'll stay up all night, worrying about things that haven't happened yet but have the possibility of happening. but then on another night, all i do is sleep. i'm in bed by 8pm, sometimes even 6pm, and sleep straight through the night. i don't get out of bed until noon sometimes. sometimes i'm up at dawn, just sitting. thinking. drawing is the only thing i'm good at, but even now i don't have any determination to better myself with it. i'm almost a college graduate and just when i thought i have a purpose, i have no direction in life.

my mother yells at me because of my actions of isolation. she should know better. i can see why i have this disorder, just by looking at her. i just want to be left alone. i want to go away and stay away. to a place where time doesn't exist and i can be happy and not have anyone judge me.

i wish people understood why i ignore text messages and phone calls. i wish it wasn't seen as rude. i just want to be left alone. at least give me that.

---

Failing at recovery while with my LDR boyfriend
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 29 13:37:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kz39b/failing_at_recovery_while_with_my_ldr_boyfriend/
---
[deleted]

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How do you guys count your calories?
/u/mstamp8790
Created: Thu Dec 29 13:14:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kyycd/how_do_you_guys_count_your_calories/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Does anybody here have acne?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 29 12:52:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kytuf/does_anybody_here_have_acne/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] I'm finally trashed again after a long span of sobriety :> how are you guys doing?
/u/englace [172cm | 112lbs | 17.0 | -35.4lbs | Female]
Created: Thu Dec 29 12:20:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kymxp/im_finally_trashed_again_after_a_long_span_of/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kymxp/im_finally_trashed_again_after_a_long_span_of/

---

[Rant/Rave] Going to meet my boyfriend's pretty, skinny, talented friend in an hour
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Thu Dec 29 12:03:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kyjfh/going_to_meet_my_boyfriends_pretty_skinny/
---
I'm really anxious about it, like I really want to meet his friends and I know they're all lovely people but she's thinner than me. And prettier than me. Of course I accept that people are going to be, but I don't want to be around someone who's been described as perfect by my boyfriend for the entire time we've been together. Help me get through this guys, I need your strength.

---

[Discussion] In your experience, how addicting is Bronkaid?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 29 11:55:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kyhri/in_your_experience_how_addicting_is_bronkaid/
---
[deleted]

---

[Goal] Ending a 2 day binge now. I'm not going into 2017 over 140 pounds!
/u/salamanderqueen [5'9.5"| CW: 139.4 | SW: 180 | GW: 125 | -40 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 29 11:50:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kygqq/ending_a_2_day_binge_now_im_not_going_into_2017/
---
Yesterday was so bad binge wise. Definitely the worst one I've had since high school. 4 muffins, chips and dip, sour skittles, a chocolate bar, god I can't even remember everything. Today has been going down the same path. Muffins for breakfast, mac and cheese for lunch, another candy bar. I'm ending it now! I want to be under 140 pounds by January 1st. I'm so close, I'm at 142 right now. I want to start the new year off right.

---

[Tip] For everybody worried about drinking and calories
/u/HereToStirItUp
Created: Thu Dec 29 09:46:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kxqyo/for_everybody_worried_about_drinking_and_calories/
---
http://getdrunknotfat.com/

---

[Rant/Rave] Losin' My Damn Mind
/u/fr34kyk1k1
Created: Thu Dec 29 09:16:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kxkvo/losin_my_damn_mind/
---
Sorry if this is something common or if it's been posted before:

Was weighing myself this morning, but I was too blind to see the scale without my glasses. I caught myself earnestly debating if I could put my glasses on because they would add weight...wtffff

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[Rant/Rave] Finally convinced my psych to put me on topamax
/u/lily_nienna [6'3" | 166lbs | bmi 20.7 | + 6 lbs (T.T) | F]
Created: Thu Dec 29 08:55:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kxgva/finally_convinced_my_psych_to_put_me_on_topamax/
---
I know it's kind of cheating, but I'm so damn tired of losing weight then regaining it again because I have zero self control. I don't even care if dopamax turns me into a drooling idiot; I'm going to reach my goals, whether my body likes it or not... Perhaps I'll follow up in a few weeks to share how effective it will hopefully have been by then.

---

[Rant/Rave] 365 days later and I guess I'm right back where I started.
/u/GingerrWithASoul [5'6 | 126.4 | 20.48 | Female]
Created: Thu Dec 29 08:54:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kxgoi/365_days_later_and_i_guess_im_right_back_where_i/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/4228e3f758b44a27ae19f08fd155042d?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=a27327c434192bf8868cca68b2a846ed

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[Other] ran out of my meds. ill probably be back here now
/u/leatherhoff [5"3 | 130 | ftm (not on hrt yet)]
Created: Thu Dec 29 08:52:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kxga2/ran_out_of_my_meds_ill_probably_be_back_here_now/
---
if you hadnt seen my previous posts - i started sertraline a month ago and it pmade me stop caring about calories and my intake. that, coupled with christmas and the introduction of a new boyfriend who appreciates junk food as much as me means that my weight has gone up to a disgusting 130lbs.

i wasnt ever happy with not caring about calories and the weight gain is putting on so much disgust that im refusing to go back and get more of the meds. id rather go back to my awful unstable self and have a chance at starving it off. i dont want to eat anymore and i hate that im going to have to hide it from my boyfriend but i have to do this. i cant get any heavier than this, i just cant let it happen. ive already fucked up today but i aint gonna eat for the rest of the day (edit: what the fuck i ate more today why am i like this) and im working tomorrow so thatll be a chance to fast for most of the day. hanging out with the bf tomorrow though so imma just have to eat less and hope he doesnt notice.

ugh. part of me doesnt want to be back in the messy awful stress of the ED but the familiarity and sense of control from fasting into dizzyness is calling me and i want to be slim and pretty like all the girls i see on those thinspo blogs instead of the disgusting pile of fat i am now

getting a treadmill soon too. i oughta make it my routine to run whenevr i feel like eating, lol

~~idk i barely even want to be alive , i dont know what im doing with my life but at least if ican make ymself skinny then i can do anything or maybe let it kill me~~

---

[Rant/Rave] Broke my plateau! 128 this morning. Plus questions about ED support groups...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 29 08:47:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kxfe7/broke_my_plateau_128_this_morning_plus_questions/
---
[deleted]

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[Goal] What are you going to reward yourself with when you hit your goal weight?
/u/vinome [5'3 | CW128 | BMI22.1 | GW110 | 25F]
Created: Thu Dec 29 07:05:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kwy10/what_are_you_going_to_reward_yourself_with_when/
---
For me, it's a new pair of Tory Butch flats when I hit 108.

---

[Discussion] Why did you decide on your GW?
/u/eQuoise12 [5'6 | CW 121 | GW 115 | UGW 110 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 29 06:30:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kwt3u/why_did_you_decide_on_your_gw/
---
Sorry, on mobile, can't flair! Please just tag it as DISCUSSION.

So I was wondering, why did all of you choose the goal weight that you chose? Any specific reason or explanation?

For me, 115 is the number that's on the brink of being underweight. It's also the number I was before I fell into bulimic and binge eating habits. (Though those are getting better, thank god.)

110 is my ultimate goal weight. My mom, who is very thin, is at that number, and she's my height. I just think that as her daughter, I shouldn't weigh more than her, even though I know that's disordered thinking.

---

[Help] WATER RETENTION EYES
/u/hardyzafon [5'4 | CW: 50 | GW: 48/106| F]
Created: Thu Dec 29 05:36:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kwlut/water_retention_eyes/
---
Hi! Does anyone have any tips to get rid of water retention around the eyes on the day after very bad b/p? I probably won't get an answer on time but yesterday was the lowest point in my life in terms of b/p so far but I am supposed to be seeing someone tonight and I've been looking forward to it for a month. I don't care about looking fatter cause last time he saw me my weight was higher, it's just I can barely open my eyes. It's really bad. Both under and above my eyes, it's filled with liquid. Sorry for the disgustingness. I just wanna not go but this is sort of a 'once every bluemoon' thing because we live in different countries. I'm drinking bottle after bottle of water and once I'm done I'll go exercise and try to sweat it out. Any quick fixes? Aghg

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support December 29, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Dec 29 05:06:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kwi6e/weekly_emotional_support_december_29_2016/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 29, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Dec 29 05:06:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kwi5v/daily_food_diary_december_29_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 29, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] Do you know what shits me???
/u/teasnob22 [5'3" | CW: 95.7 | GW: 88 | 17.43 | -22 | F | Vegan AF]
Created: Thu Dec 29 04:46:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kwfoe/do_you_know_what_shits_me/
---
The people who just decide to lose weight, cut back a little bit and don't even think about it too much, and then BAM, the weight has gone. People who accidentally forget to eat because food isn't on their mind ALL OF THE DAMN TIME. People who don't even worry about their food because they're just balanced. People who can eat a bit of food, decide they've had enough, and just stop. People who actually have standards about what they eat bc they aren't compelled to eat everything they can get their hands on, no matter how gross it is.

Fuck. What I wouldn't give to wake up tomorrow like that.

---

[Rant/Rave] Why has life gotten like this? :( [rant]
/u/llamadude00
Created: Thu Dec 29 02:50:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kw2al/why_has_life_gotten_like_this_rant/
---
I miss when I could be ok with losing weight slowly and being good with eating 1450 a day. Then 1200. I planned for less than 500 total cals and now here I am, having 900 or so calories as my total for the day and I just want to break down crying.. like I know logically, on what planet is 900 calories too much? On planet Me I guess. This sucks. I want off this ride.

Edit: just cut some extra stuff from my planned Foods for tomorrow. Looks like all I'm having tomorrow is a puréed frozen banana and a venti iced coffee! :-)

---

[Rant/Rave] Those bittersweet scale moments
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 112 | 20.4 | -56| GW: 105| 20.48]
Created: Thu Dec 29 02:42:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kw1fe/those_bittersweet_scale_moments/
---
I hit my LW of 112 this morning. I don't even feel joy? Just sort of like.... *shrug* still not enough. I remember a time when I thought id be happy at 120. 115.
This morning I cried in the mirror with disgust after eating a rice cake. This disease is so all consuming.

---

[Tip] Massaging myself helps
/u/FavorSlave- [5"8 | 18.8 | F19]
Created: Thu Dec 29 01:30:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kvthq/massaging_myself_helps/
---
I've been doing it for a week with some lotion. It was a tip from my therapist and thought I could share.

I use some aloe Vera over my self harm scars and lotion over the rest of my body. It works really well to feel better about my scars (I stopped SH a week ago!) and my body jn general.

---

[Help] My gf is sick. Help please?!
/u/MightyDuck55
Created: Thu Dec 29 01:17:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kvrws/my_gf_is_sick_help_please/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] Does anyone have any good breakfast smoothie recipes?
/u/7_of_cups [5'4 | CW 99 | GW 98 | 17.33 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 23:15:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kvc3z/does_anyone_have_any_good_breakfast_smoothie/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] Sudden disgust with food after a break up?
/u/Saphyxus [5'7" | 135 | F/NB]
Created: Wed Dec 28 23:02:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kva32/sudden_disgust_with_food_after_a_break_up/
---
Hi, uhh, this is a bit of a weird post. I'll give the background.

I was at a sort of low weight for a while, 17 BMI, and while it made me feel good, I was able to move on and start eating well again. I'm at a 21 BMI right now. Maintaining a low weight was pretty easy, because I've always been very particular about food, my eating habits are reeeallly weird and fucked up, and I go through phases in my eating. I have GERD, nausea, and general stomach and appetite problems.

For a while it's been easy to just binge on what I like at the time, and I've had a pretty steady, healthy weight for a while. But I recently broke up with my girlfriend, and now I'm disgusted with alllll food. I'm not particularly bothered by this, I can already feel the rush of not eating, but at the same time I'd prefer to stay healthy.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to accomplish with this post, but I am wondering if others have experienced this. Is this a relapse caused by an emotional downturn or something? I've been pretty depressed, so maybe I'm subconsciously deciding to relapse in order to feel something? I didn't up and decide "hey, this is a good time to not eat", but now that it's happened it's giving me comfort, a feeling of control. The numbness has been replaced with a feeling of emptiness, which for some reason is exciting, it gives me energy.

I don't know why I'm making this post, I guess I've felt pretty alone, I guess I just want to reach out and talk.

Sorry, I know this isn't /r/self or something, but I felt like talking, and I *am* wondering what people's experience with sudden, unintentional relapses are.

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate this
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 28 22:25:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kv4j9/i_hate_this/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] I got a Fitbit for Christmas and I'm so excited, but I have a few questions.
/u/Navelpudding [5' 6" | 185 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 22:23:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kv47i/i_got_a_fitbit_for_christmas_and_im_so_excited/
---
1. Anyone know where to get cheap bands? I have an alta but the snaps on the band are impossible. I hurt myself every time I try to put it on and usually I need to ask for help.

2. Does it WAY overestimate calories? Mine said I burned over 2k calories, but only took ~4k steps. Even with my BMR that feels really high...

3. Can I charge it off something other than a computer? I found conflicting info and nobody in the store could answer me. Also wondering if a Flex 1 can be changed a different way.

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[Help] I swear I lose faster at 1100~ calories than fasting or very low intake
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [🐷 5'2 | NB-dfab | CW: 163.6lb | 29.9/31.0 | UGW: 90lb | -26.4lb]
Created: Wed Dec 28 22:16:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kv34y/i_swear_i_lose_faster_at_1100_calories_than/
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I was doing fasting and ~400kcal intakes. I was stuck and my body was miserable and I could have BMs hardly ever. I've been eating 1000-1400 a day recently because holidays and the pounds are melting off. Is this normal, is this happening to anyone else?

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[Rant/Rave] BINGED
/u/littlemissfreaxshow
Created: Wed Dec 28 22:03:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kv12r/binged/
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Omg I feel so awful. I had a horrible binge tonight and now I look about 6-7 months pregnant. I hate myself so much....

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[Discussion] low points
/u/wyydean [5'3| CW125lb | GW100lb | F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 21:04:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kurp5/low_points/
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whats the worst point youve been in with your ED? whether its a binge, purge, or restricting till u were sick. just a day that really took a toll on you?

for me it was months ago while i was home alone partaking in a massive binge. i had a giant bowl of icecream ate it all while watching tv, then vomited it back up right there where i was sitting in the bowl. then i started crying for an honest to god hour for no reason. i was probably just so tired of failing. anyways thats one of the worst memories i have lol

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[Help] 3 weeks
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 28 20:56:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kuqcw/3_weeks/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Anyone have kids?
/u/kaaatmeow
Created: Wed Dec 28 20:54:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kuq52/anyone_have_kids/
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(VENT: On mobile sorry for no flair)

I've never met anyone who has an ED and kids... and I guess I'm just looking for some empathy or experience?

I haven't posted here in a while and basically just lurk. I've lost 65 lb since March. My son is 1.5 yr old... I'm in this weird place where I have half wanted to recover/still acted out on every behavior. I'm a young mom, I really love my son, and I'm obsessed with doing everything in my power to make him safe/happy/feel loved and important... but I feel so selfish that I can't get past my ED. It's been 11 years with my eating disorder and it's just a part of me. I started working through some really intense childhood trauma with my therapist and I thought I would want to get better... but I cant seem to let go of it. I thought I would be able to for my son, and it's just really making me feel like a shitty mom.

Throughout my pregnancy I ate well and was monitored by nutritionists, I breastfed him as long as he wanted to, and ate as well as I could to give him a good start... but as soon as I could I was back behaviors. Idk if this is appropriate for this sub, but I figured it would be the only place I could share my feelings without being bashed. I'm so scared of not being the best mom he could ask for... it's so backwards. My husband and I got in a fight about my ED today and he brought up how my son never gets to see me eat dinner with him. I guess I justify like I have time to recover before he remembers. I have made a new years commitment to cut the purging behaviors and not fast (just stick to restriction).

This may be me thinking I'm never good enough (it's a theme)... I guess I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading and sorry for the ramble/not making sense.

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[Rant/Rave] All the Xmas chocolate has gone, and I have made a decision about 2017.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [Everybody's Fool]
Created: Wed Dec 28 20:29:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kuly8/all_the_xmas_chocolate_has_gone_and_i_have_made_a/
---
Let's not talk about where all the Christmas junk food went... *cough*.

But I have made a decision.

So, some people here know that in 2016, I had my 'binge box/cupboard'. It was my stash of foods for planned binges/overfeeding once a week, which did actually seem to work for me somewhat for a while as I lost the weight I wanted. It didn't wipe my deficit, and seemed to keep me on track. As I lost weight and bodyfat, it got outta hand, eventually I started binging on those foods in an unplanned way. Cus hungry.

I made the steps to get rid of ALL the higher cal treats in the cupboard that I found myself binging on, only keeping treats that weren't binge food for me - small bags of mini cookies, kinder chocolates, other individually wrapped low cal junk. Alongside that, I kept higher quality junk food that I didn't binge on purely because it was much to expensive to do so! (Yeah, that was literally a thing that stopped me binging on something...!)

It worked, and it was a lot less scary than I thought. I'd still have some of those chocolatey things in a 'mini binge' and a cheat meal every Sunday night, and didn't binge on them during the week (although had some other issues, binging on 'clean' foods or weird stuff like loads of protein powder, best guess was as a result of when I deprived myself of certain macros for too long - that's a separate issue though. Anyway..)

I've decided to take the last step and get rid of the binge cupboard/box idea entirely. It no longer works for me in any which way, I've found that I don't *really* desire the same 'binge on Sunday night' thing anymore... the past couple of months (before the holidays), I only ever did it on Sunday nights out of habit. I didn't even want to, but my brain would say - 'But this is what you DO?!'. So it's going, because it doesn't have to be what I do anymore.

I have too many unplanned hunger-binges at the moment to tackle, without a planned one I don't really want on top! And I am making steps to tackle them too.

I will lose the unwanted fat in 2017.

I'd still like to use the cupboard for some kind of food item. I'm thinking protein bars/chews. I love protein bars! It would be a good swap. (I'd like to find a good protein bar with 150kcal that has 10g protein or more in it, if anyone has any recommendations?)

I'm still going to have a cheat meal Sunday, but I am going to get rid of all the chocolate and junk. Cheat meal will be something nice like a veggie chilli and rice, yummy but on the slightly healthier side (but variety, I'll have something I fancy), with some yummy frozen fage concoction for dessert. That's enough for me for a cheat, to look forward to once a week. If I want any chocolate, I will buy ON the day... but I am going to try and make it a more cleaner version of whatever I want. Some raw fruit bites with cocoa or some shit, or a graze snack punnet.

I'm still going to attempt to (CLEAN) bulk until near the end of January for now for some more muscle gainz whilst still on my current lifting routine (ITS INTENSE GUYS!)... but after that, I'm afraid it's gonna have to be all systems go for fat loss, except hopefully with extra attention to nutrition and macros to prevent hunger-binging. I have tried my best with this bulk, trying to be okay with healthy gain and hoping my brain would switch to wanting 'recovery', but I ended up binging over Xmas anyway with all the junk so readily available and in general I am just not happy eating food and can't be. I was happier with restriction and loss. I can try again with being healthier at another time.

rant over k thx <3

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[Rant/Rave] The upside to getting sick
/u/Melatoninsky [5'3"| CW:106 lbs | GW: 100 lbs | ]
Created: Wed Dec 28 19:55:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kugae/the_upside_to_getting_sick/
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I'm so stuffed up I can't taste *anything*. Legitimately nothing. Not even when I blow my nose. Which makes eating feel completely pointless and I'm not even hungry or craving anything and i haven't purged in 2 days. Ha. I'm miserable but at least I'm not gaining more holiday weight
🙃 yay

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[Intro] Quick hello
/u/threeleafedclover [5'10.5" | CW: 142 | 19.5 | GW: 128 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 19:52:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kufre/quick_hello/
---
Hi all!

I'm sure there are quite a few posts like these so sorry for adding to the pile. I'm also sorry if there are any formatting issues -- I've never actually posted to reddit before. In fact, I created this account with this subreddit in mind.

I just wanted to say how inspiring and relatable I've found all of your stories to be. No matter where we are in our lives or in the world, the thing we share is the knowledge that living with an eating disorder is no easy task. It's exhausting, debilitating, and most of us likely feel or have felt the pressure to just keep it under wraps due to the social stigma that's attached. At times it's hard to tell whether you want to disappear or whether you want the disorder to.

But the support that exists in this community is something really special. I've personally felt like my disorder isolates me at times or prohibits me from making genuine connections with people (it's hard to make small talk when you're worried about the other person catching on to the fact that your eating is disordered or your self image is distorted). So knowing that there's a group out there, even if it's a group that's online, who just *gets* it is refreshing and fantastic.

So hello and I wish you all the absolute best in the New Year. You all deserve it :)

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[Other] Giving away my Christmas chocolate and unsubscribing from all food subreddits
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 19:25:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kub3o/giving_away_my_christmas_chocolate_and/
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If I want to stop binging, I need to stop being obsessed with food. Spending all day looking at the ten (ten!!) food related subreddits that I was subscribed to is not helping at all, it's just reminding me of the thing I'm trying to avoid.

I'm also giving away 90% of the chocolate that I was given for Christmas, or what's left of it anyway. All the stuff I've eaten so far, I haven't enjoyed, even at the time of eating it, it's just caused me stress and anxiety and I don't need that. A big part of me really doesn't want to give it away, I'm so overprotective about my food, it's MY food. But that's also something that I want to change, and hopefully doing this will show me that there's no reason to be so protective over food. I try to be as selfless as possible but when it comes to food, for some reason I struggle so badly. So I need to do this.

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[Rant/Rave] I broke up with my boyfriend last night.
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Wed Dec 28 18:05:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ktwa6/i_broke_up_with_my_boyfriend_last_night/
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I did it because I've been thinking since the start that it didn't feel right. 18 months later it didn't feel right. I just wasn't as into him as I thought. I've been on and off feeling great today and feeling horrible and crying. He is moving out, almost done. I haven't seen him at all since 2 am. I went to work and got home and the house was half empty. He left all of his gifts I had given him, so that hurts.

I never did tell him about my ED. And I feel like that was one of the major factors in me not being able to get close to him. I haven't eaten anything today and I don't plan to all week. Now that no ones watching, fuck it.

Anddddd now I'm crying again. This really sucks. I want to cut myself but I'm really trying not to. I want to go to the bar and get wasted but my 2 year sobriety anniversary is tomorrow. I need some support. Fuck.

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[Discussion] How do you deal with triggers? CSA trigger warning
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 28 17:25:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ktovj/how_do_you_deal_with_triggers_csa_trigger_warning/
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[deleted]

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[Help] How will I ever be thin when food is the only thing that makes me happy
/u/In_a_fatsuit [64" | 119# | 20.9 BMI | -104# | F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 16:40:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ktgqm/how_will_i_ever_be_thin_when_food_is_the_only/
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Nothing but hard drugs and food result in noticeable dopamine release. I don't do hard drugs more than 1x per year, and then there's food.

How am I supposed to survive when the only thing that brings me pleasure is basically a bullet and my brain is the gun? I don't know how to survive being me. I lived through orthorexic and anorexic periods and nothing ever changes. I am so sad all the time.

Rx's don't help (I've tried about 20. I'm. Fucking. Done. Playing. Guinea pig.) Therapy hasn't helped in about a decade. What is the point? I am so happy when I eat food and I want to kill myself afterward. I don't know how to even live anymore.

All this angst and I can't even see my fucking ribs anymore. I WANT MY FUCKING BONES BACK.

I'm gonna go take klonopin and Ativan, because being a zombie is better than being me.

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[Rant/Rave] Really want to stop drinking...
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.2 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 16:24:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ktdn8/really_want_to_stop_drinking/
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I made a post about this a couple of weeks ago but I haven't gotten much better as far as not drinking. It seriously ruins all of my progress and it's so much easier to binge when I'm drunk. I have no self control with alcohol and once I start drinking I aim to get smashed. I don't know what to do.. I'm constantly surrounded by alcohol with my roommates and it feels impossible. kill me (mobile can't flair sorry :c )

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[Rant/Rave] I feel like I'm failing at restricting even though I'm losing weight.
/u/demonofequality [5'5"| CW: 130 | GW: 115 | 21.89 | -20 lbs| F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 16:04:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kta06/i_feel_like_im_failing_at_restricting_even_though/
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Another lurker coming out of the woodwork to post...hello!

So I've been trying to restrict really consistently this month because I had a few super depressed weeks where I didn't put much effort into...well anything really...and now I feel fat and horrible. I'm losing weight so you think I'd be happy but every day I never meet the calorie goal I set for myself.

I'll have a goal of 600 calories and eat 700, but if my goal is 700 then I'll eat 800. I feel like I'm a failure even though I'm succeeding at losing weight. I get a little burst in the morning when I see that my weight is still going down but by the end of the day I'm depressed with how much I've eaten.

Is it just me? Are there tricks out there that people use to help them keep under in calories? Or do I just have poor discipline???

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[Rant/Rave] Real life reverse thinspo - In my face gluttony. Really changed my perspective.
/u/depressionbunny [5'6" | 138 | 22.6 | -12 | FM]
Created: Wed Dec 28 15:59:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kt8yn/real_life_reverse_thinspo_in_my_face_gluttony/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Violent hatred and ill-will toward the self
/u/In_a_fatsuit [64" | 119# | 20.9 BMI | -104# | F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 15:01:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ksxcx/violent_hatred_and_illwill_toward_the_self/
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Deleted

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[Rant/Rave] Diet is not going as planned, to say the least.
/u/ketogirl98
Created: Wed Dec 28 14:22:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kspkv/diet_is_not_going_as_planned_to_say_the_least/
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Hi, hello, greetings

I've been eating like shit this holiday season, and I was just about to get back on track with my eating. I was gonna start counting my macros again, and make sure I eat about 1500 kcal/day. I am that kind of person who cannot for the love of God eat out when tracking macros. I cannot estimate, and it just turns into a yolo-eat-whatever kind of day. I started eating better and tracking on Sunday. It went great.

On Monday my father asked my out for lunch. I can never say no to lunch with my father, so we went to a buffé at a chinese restaurant. First of all - I hate buffés. I cannot control myself and I always end up eating all of the food, all of the carbs and all of the deserts. Shockingly - I did not end up eating it all. I did only take one plate and I ate it calmly while watching my dear father run back and forth for food. I was proud of not bingeing, but I still ate out, so I had no clue about how much I had eaten, so deciding what to eat for dinner was a hell.

On Tuesday I fasted until after noon, and ate a good lunch. All according to plan. Then after my workout and for my last meal of the day I made a dessert kind of meal. I ate it. It was good. I was full. And then I made two more. TWO MORE. I did not even bother to move the dessert from the big bowl I made it in (I whipped some cream and put cottage cheese in it, try it. It's awesome) and instead I just got a big spoon and ate from the tub. Half way through I was disgusted, but I kept eating. I felt so bad afterwards, and I still do.

Today (hoping this day would be better) I fasted until 2 pm, and then I made a really nice lunch. I even used the oven, which is a big step for my cooking. Everything was good and after my workout I made another meal, putting me at exactly my calories and macros for today. Unfortunately I just COULD NOT resist the protein-drink-yoghurt thing I got in the mail today, and I drank it with about half a deciliter of heavy cream in. I blew today too.

1500 kcal is not even that little, and I am not hungry. I just eat anyways. I will have to put a lock on my kitchen and throw away the key at some point.

Rant over, thank you for reading. I just needed to let things out. Not many people in the world I can talk to about these things. xoxo

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[Discussion] DAE Drop more weight after a binge?
/u/Four_Names [5'6"|CW 141.4|GW 120|BMI 22.91| -29.5| F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 14:01:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kslg0/dae_drop_more_weight_after_a_binge/
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Sorry for the lack of flairs, on mobile at the moment.

I've noticed that when I restrict to 300-500 calories dailyI'll steadily drop .5-1.0 lbs, but when I binge/eat at or over maintenance for a single day my weight suddenly goes down 3+ lbs. Wtf. Does this happen to anyone else?

EDIT: just polished off a huge firehouse sub, fingers crossed that the trend continues

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[Rant/Rave] I'm getting back on track
/u/Sonnenblumenschein [5'3.5" | 100 lbs | 17.8 | -55 lbs | GBMI 16 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 13:00:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ks91f/im_getting_back_on_track/
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Well in the past 2 months or so I gained about 6 kg of fat, a bit more when counting the water weight. All purely from binging, but today was the day, the first day in months where I stopped myself from binging before I started. I still feel silly for stopping myself, I mean food is so good, so why not eat? :P But proud at the same time, I can do this, I can get back to not being a fat pig anymore. :D

Now let's keep this going for longer. :)

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[Discussion] DAE have a hard time believing they've gotten everything out after purging?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 28 12:52:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ks7eq/dae_have_a_hard_time_believing_theyve_gotten/
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[deleted]

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[Intro] Relapsed
/u/Ravanys [61" | CW:152.6 | BMI: 30.11 | GW:?| -33 lbs | F 25]
Created: Wed Dec 28 12:39:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ks4ss/relapsed/
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I didn't post a whole lot but I'm back.

I started therapy and dietitian appointments about 4 months ago and stopped coming around hoping I would magically get better. But I'm back. I feel a lot of things about it but not bad enough to not start again. Day one of restriction and I hope I don't start binging and purging again. That's was the fucking worst.

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[Help] How do I still weigh the same as this morning?
/u/Teasustainslife [5'2,? broke scale, -42 all together, CGW 120, UGW 106 19F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 12:07:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kry50/how_do_i_still_weigh_the_same_as_this_morning/
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I'm starting to think the scale is broken. This morning I woke up to the boring old 126.0, Since then I've ate two meals(Cereal, Large Sandwich and broccoli so not low bulk foods) Drank a quart of water and a cup of tea. Usually by midday I weigh at least 2 pounds heavier, But today it's still 126.0? I did go poop, But that shouldn't account for everything, no?

Maybe tomorrow I'll break my plateau?!

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[Rant/Rave] fuck the holidays
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 116 | 20.04| Lost: 44|GW:0]
Created: Wed Dec 28 12:04:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5krxpe/fuck_the_holidays/
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I just finished off all my christmas candy in one sitting (thanks grandma). It is literally impossible for me to throw out free food without intense guilt, and I figured "well if I eat this now than I won't eat it next week and I'll look slimmer for my new years party!"

????



Lmao it was thousands of extra calories no matter how I spin it?? uggg I feel so gross now, not going to purge (I've only tried to a handful of times but nothings ever come up)... I don't have access to a scale at the moment, but my waist has gone from 24in. (and even had it down to 23 two weeks ago!) to 25, and my thighs now touch when I stand normally (recently they've only been touching if I stand with my ankles together). I've tried on almost every outfit I own and I look massive in all of them. I'm going to put some makeup on and then maybe I'll feel better.

Fuck this yo.

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[Discussion] Horrible things I think to myself- can anyone else relate?
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | sw 🐳 gw bones | 24F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 11:50:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kruov/horrible_things_i_think_to_myself_can_anyone_else/
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You're so nasty. You're really going to eat that? Just take two bites and make an excuse to throw the rest out. Can you even imagine the grease in that? You can feel it in your pores, can't you? You're a fat disgusting pig.
Look how tiny your sister's gotten- you could probably use three of her to make one of you. You think she eats like you do? --- and on and on and on.


..sometimes I wish I could shut my brain off. :(

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[Tip] Remember to drink water :)
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 10:22:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5krcjm/remember_to_drink_water/
---
It might feel weird if you're fasting, it might even hurt after a binge, but drinking water is always good. Your body is probably under a lot of stress from either purging, binging, restricting, over-exercising or fasting, and dehydrating it will only make things worse. If you really hate the taste of water, try getting coconut water or water flavoring. So here it is, your reminder.

Flair: **Tip**

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[Rant/Rave] Paying the Price for Holiday Stress
/u/PresentTense549
Created: Wed Dec 28 10:08:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kr9rl/paying_the_price_for_holiday_stress/
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TL;DR BMI dropped below what I consider safe over the holidays, dreading trying to eat enough to gain it back.

Let me preface this by saying that I know some people will read this and think it's the opposite of a problem, but I don't have anyone I can talk to IRL who won't be dismissive ("its only a couple pounds") or freak out ("you weigh what!?!") so thanks in advance for letting me vent here <3

I'm trying to gain weight, or at least stop losing. I've had some health issues since birth and me, two doctors and a nutritionist all agree that gaining a bit of weight will likely make me feel better and losing any more will definitely make me worse.

So after a couple months of hard work, I was up a bit and my BMI was in the high-15s or low 16s.

Then December happened. Busy all the time trying to get my family ready for Christmas (I'm a wife & mother). The last week of December I was twice as busy and only eating half as much, so Boxing Day, once all the stress was mostly over, I decided to try and get caught up by eating some of the leftover Christmas treats.

Bad idea. I have food allergies and either something was mis-labeled or something got contaminated in the house because I ended spending the night in the bathroom dealing with the, uh, fallout.

So even after a day of getting re-hydrated and trying to eat normally, now my BMI is under 15 again! I dread the thought of all the food I'm going to have to eat to get caught up again. I could cry. :(

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[Rant/Rave] Something is wrong with me. I cannot keep the weight off.
/u/AllHailTheGremlins [5'7" | 170 lbs | 26.53 | F 21yo]
Created: Wed Dec 28 09:34:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kr2zt/something_is_wrong_with_me_i_cannot_keep_the/
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I have been gaining and losing the same 30-40 lbs for the past 3 years. It's awful. I've been as low as 125 and right now I'm 170. I was 140 this past fall. I've been going through this cycle so long. I have issues with binge eating and it's always followed by heavy restricting. I gain and lose weight really easily, but I can NEVER keep it off. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm so disgusted by my own body. I'm fasting right now and it's going well, but I want so badly to be able to keep the weight off this time. What am I supposed to do? I feel like I have no control over my body. I'm stuck in this hellish loop.

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[Help] [Help] Concerned about my eating habits [20m]
/u/catania195
Created: Wed Dec 28 09:31:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kr2ja/help_concerned_about_my_eating_habits_20m/
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[removed]

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PROANA
/u/starvingjocelyn
Created: Wed Dec 28 08:10:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kqnw5/proana/
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[removed]

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[Intro] I had an account, but got paranoid about being discovered and deleted it. I'm back now
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 28 06:21:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kq7bg/i_had_an_account_but_got_paranoid_about_being/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE can't eat in the morning without feeling nauseous?
/u/scyphomedusae [5'6" | 114 lbs | 18.48 | -30 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 06:15:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kq6d8/dae_cant_eat_in_the_morning_without_feeling/
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I was wondering if that could be correlated to my nervous gastritis or to bulimia. For about two months or so I've been feeling very sick when I eat in the morning, with heavy nausea which makes me feel horrible but usually goes away after an hour or so (when it's unbearable I take 20mg Omeprazole and when it kicks in, it makes me feel 100% again). This doesn't happen every day, either. What could this be?

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday December 28, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Dec 28 05:08:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kpxtg/way_to_go_wednesday_december_28_2016/
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This is the weekly achievement thread for December 28, 2016.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 28, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Dec 28 05:08:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kpxsz/daily_food_diary_december_28_2016/
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This is a daily food diary thread for December 28, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Stopping mid-binge but wanting to continue
/u/gettinkrafty
Created: Wed Dec 28 04:40:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kpug5/stopping_midbinge_but_wanting_to_continue/
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I'm so disgusting. Ate 2300 calories by 10 a.m. this morning. Starting regretting it massively and poured dish soap on the rest of my food. For the past 1.5 hours I've just been sitting here wanting to run out to the store and buy more so I can keep going. I'm still hungry. It's not even noon yet. I feel awful and I'll feel even worse if I eat more but it's all I can think about. aaaaaaghhhh why. Fuck all of this. I don't want to, I'll feel so bad if I do. I want a reason to stop but my brain is only giving me bullshitty, fake rational reasons to keep going.

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measuring food 😶
/u/wyydean [5'3| CW125lb | GW100lb | F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 02:38:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kpgki/measuring_food/
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[removed]

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TMI [pooping]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 28 02:03:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kpcjd/tmi_pooping/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] DAE suffer from an unrelated chronic illness?
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 112 | 20.4 | -56| GW: 105| 20.48]
Created: Wed Dec 28 01:37:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kp9rs/dae_suffer_from_an_unrelated_chronic_illness/
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I have rheumatoid arthritis, and I constantly wonder how my ED is making it worse/ whether my laxative/EC Stack usage is a horrific idea combined with the bundles of autoimmune suppressants I am on.
The only possible silver lining being that I got diagnosed not long before my ED got really bad, so it has served as a wonderful excuse for sudden weight loss. Also my medicine makes me incredibly nauseous which is cool too. (lol ED Logic).

Anyone else have unrelated illnesses? How do you deal with it/ does it effect your ED?

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[Discussion] Did this sub go viral?
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 00:43:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kp3f9/did_this_sub_go_viral/
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I've noticed a lot of new people here, which is absolutely awesome. Where did you guys come from?

I was reading someone's comment like three months ago, decided to go through their history and saw them posting about cauliflower rice on this sub. I went on here, lurked for a little while, made my first account, had that for a while, decided to delete it when I began recovering. About a week into that, I realized that I missed this sub like crazy, made this new account and here I am :)

**Discussion-flair** Sorry that I'm never on computer, it's not working very well.

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[Discussion] Post-Holiday recipes to help get back on track?
/u/spiegel7 [5'10" | CW: 139 GW: 115 | 19.94 | -25 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 00:16:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kozzy/postholiday_recipes_to_help_get_back_on_track/
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[removed]

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[Help] How do you stop binging?
/u/spiegel7 [5'10" | CW: 139 GW: 115 | 19.94 | -25 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 28 00:10:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5koz76/how_do_you_stop_binging/
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Either stopping a binging streak or stopping yourself in the middle of a binge. I've been binging constantly lately and I know the food doesn't even taste that good and that I'll hate myself for it later but I still can't seem to stop. It's especially bad if I've had anything to eat after smoking weed, eating anything at that point will turn me to a full on binge.

I've also been unable to control my grazing even when it doesn't turn into a full binge because I just can't stop thinking about the food that caught my eye.

Does anyone have any advice? I'm so frustrated.

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[Discussion] Has anyone else had their tastes change after more heavy restrictions and having to change their diets? [Discussion]
/u/llamadude00
Created: Tue Dec 27 23:25:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kot1n/has_anyone_else_had_their_tastes_change_after/
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I used to hate hummus, almond milk, all that healthy stuff. Now that I'm restricting to 400/500 calories a day, I seriously LOVE hummus. Delicious spread on my wheat toast haha. And Instead of milk, I use almond milk with my special k and it's amazing, it's actually better than cows milk. I used to not be able to stomach diet drinks and now regular sugar drinks are too sweet and diet is all I want to drink. Has anyone else had their tastes change like this after doing heavier restrictions? Is it just because some things are acquired tastes?

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[Thinspo] Favorite Netflix/Amazon Video thinspo?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 165 | BMI 28.3 | -0lbs | F]
Created: Tue Dec 27 21:20:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ko9u9/favorite_netflixamazon_video_thinspo/
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Currently watching Gossip Girl but the plot annoys me, what do any of you watch for thinspo and fashion motivation?

On mobile can't flare

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Extreme Meanspo Chat
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 27 20:26:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ko164/extreme_meanspo_chat/
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[removed]

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How do you stay motivated for so long?
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Tue Dec 27 19:49:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5knuvm/how_do_you_stay_motivated_for_so_long/
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[removed]

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How long did you restrict for before starting to see results?
/u/TheArthiest [5'8 | CW 138 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 27 19:01:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5knm9n/how_long_did_you_restrict_for_before_starting_to/
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[removed]

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[Help] How do you cope when you're scale-less and you know you've gained weight?
/u/WhyRedTape [5'6 | 156lbs | 23.40 | -29lbs |]
Created: Tue Dec 27 18:10:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kndiw/how_do_you_cope_when_youre_scaleless_and_you_know/
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I'm on holiday with my holiday in Australia right now, and I thought I was going to be okay. I weigh every morning and it's been the precursor for how each day would end up going. My holiday all started fine and I was honestly happy without the hell of knowing how much each day.

Problem is, I know I've gained. I can feel it in my legs. My trousers don't fit the same now and I can hear myself walking, that uncomfortable scratching when denim rubs.

But I can't be sure. I don't have any scales or measuring tape. How do you guys cope when you can't be sure?

I feel sick even considering my lunch and even standing up. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. Usually, id check. I'd know for sure. Now I'm stuck in limbo and I don't even know.

((Flairless because mobile, sorry))

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[Rant/Rave] The "Anorexia Talk"
/u/carolineeo [5'7" | 101.8 | 16 | 22F]
Created: Tue Dec 27 17:29:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kn60l/the_anorexia_talk/
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Even though I feel as though I've been eating heaps and heaps these last few days of Christmas indulgence -- we literally made 5 batches of dough and have been drowning in cinnamon rolls -- my weight just keeps going down. And people are really starting to comment on it. My mom's been aware for a while but now even my obtuse father has noticed my anorexia. And it fucking sucks. Now every day I have to hear how people are "worried about me" and I look "unhealthy" and I'm "going to die"!!11!!!1!! And I feel perfectly fine, even if my BMI is in the high health risk range. I've never really had a goal weight but I feel a little tingle of excitement of reaching my vague goal of double digits. At this rate it will be any day now. But I don't see myself ever being ready for recovery. I guess I just don't know what to do or how to feel and am hoping for a little support/commiseration from this community that has been my one quiet solace. Hope you're all as happy with yourselves as you can be <3

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[Discussion] Who else has orthorexia?
/u/lovelysilliness
Created: Tue Dec 27 17:23:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kn4ww/who_else_has_orthorexia/
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https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/orthorexia-nervosa

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[Goal] My goal was to consume 500 calories today but I binge d during dinner. What should I do?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 27 16:51:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kmz88/my_goal_was_to_consume_500_calories_today_but_i/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] i miss my eating disorder
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 141 | GW: 90 | F/18]
Created: Tue Dec 27 16:20:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kmtc1/rant_i_miss_my_eating_disorder/
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i had full-blown anorexia in middle school and the first half of high school, but i've recovered and now i'm 18. my friends that know about my ED believe i've completely recovered and everything is fine, but i seriously miss starving myself and being 90 lbs and abusing lax. i want to go back down. i'm terrified to weigh myself. i think i'm close to 150 lbs now. i can't believe i let myself get this way.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm so disappointed.
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 27 16:04:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kmqi1/im_so_disappointed/
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Usually even after a binge my weight goes back. I ate 650 cals yesterday and 620 today. I might binge just because the scale has jumped from 99 before Christmas to 102 ): fml.

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i'm terrified to weigh myself
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 27 15:54:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kmolr/im_terrified_to_weigh_myself/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] How the fuck do people eat so much (normal amounts even) and not get huge?!
/u/fuckthislol [5'8.5 | 52.6kg | 17.37/17.12 | Not enough | F]
Created: Tue Dec 27 15:48:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kmnct/how_the_fuck_do_people_eat_so_much_normal_amounts/
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Like I've been cutting down to one actual meal (dinner which I can't escape cause the fam) and then either a small other meal or a snack or two, and just this seems to add up to like a regular amount of calories/more than I'd like, and I swear I'm not losing any weight, and before I stopped weighing myself Christmas eve, I swear to God the weight trend for that week was positive, and somehow I was actually gaining, even though I never even went above TDEE for those past 7 days. Yet then every one else seems to be eating 3-4 regular sized meals a day, plus snacking, and not getting any fatter. Shit, that used to be me! Somehow I was eating like 4 meals a day, often 3 of which would contain both bread and cheese, and yet getting thinner, and now over the past couple months, I've been reducing how much I eat, and I swear no matter how many meals I've been cutting out, it always seems to end up with the same amount of calories, and staying the same weight or getting fatter. It's so bloody annoying!
I feel like I need to cut these terrible bloody dinners out, but we always eat as a family so I really can't avoid them more than once here or there, I really can't wait to leave home, and I'm debating fucking off my gap year, just so I can go to uni and get away sooner, and get thinner sooner. Fucks sakes.

As a side note, I'm trying to keep a deficit of 1000 cals a day for this week, to offset Christmas, but bloody hell, that still adds up to less than a kg lost. Fuuuck, why does time go so slowly when literally all you're thinking about is food 😭

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[Discussion] HAE had a doctor like this??
/u/edub12345 [5'6 | 136 | 22.0 | -9lbs | F]
Created: Tue Dec 27 15:38:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kmlga/hae_had_a_doctor_like_this/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] My scale is broken😭
/u/charlottegsilva [5'7 | 165lb | 23 | GW: 132lbs ]
Created: Tue Dec 27 14:53:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kmctt/my_scale_is_broken/
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So I went to go weigh myself this morning since my parents were out... The scale said 57.7kg (127lbs). This just isn't possible after Christmas (and last weigh-in only a few weeks ago was 69kg)... Any logical person would just say the scale is broken and go on their way. But I keep obsessing about not being able to correctly weigh myself! It dips just under my GW and God I would die to weigh that much... So now I'm just gonna fast and hope my parents let me get away with it.. I need to know how much I weigh or I'll just go crazy!!! 😱

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[Discussion] Is this what c&s is?
/u/apricaught [5'3.5"| CW 118 | 20.70| -16| F]
Created: Tue Dec 27 14:36:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5km9mo/is_this_what_cs_is/
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Lately I find myself mindlessly eating/snacking. Sometimes I put a snack in my mouth, give it a chew and think "wow this is not worth its calories" and then run to a trash can to spit it out. I never gave it much thought but now realize that by definition I am chewing and spitting. Do you think normal people do it or is it a disordered thing? (Will flair when off mobile, or flair it for me whichever)

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[Discussion] Anyone else grow up with a family that was obsessive about food?
/u/APairofScales [5'6" | CW:Too Much | BMI:Nope| Weight Lost:Too Little | Male]
Created: Tue Dec 27 14:22:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5km6sm/anyone_else_grow_up_with_a_family_that_was/
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Ever wonder if it contributed to your ED? My whole family had an neurotic attitude about food. One of the biggest sources of arguments was over what was for dinner or who ate who's leftovers or favorite snack food. Overeating, hoarding, *always* fighting over food - anyone have any experiences like this?

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[Rant/Rave] (Rave) grandma gave me pants and I wasn't too fat
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway
Created: Tue Dec 27 14:18:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5km68f/rave_grandma_gave_me_pants_and_i_wasnt_too_fat/
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For the first time in 21 years when my grandma tried to do the subtle "hey you're fat" moment. She gave me pants that she probably thought would be too small for me and I would then think twice about the cookies (jokes on her I never eat the cookies anyway). But I went to try them on (a size smaller then I usually get) and they fit!

So ha, fuck you grandma.

Also it was a good motivator to not eat so much so that's pretty great.

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Do your grades drop when you're restricting?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 27 13:02:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5klqux/do_your_grades_drop_when_youre_restricting/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] He's back
/u/EmpireStateBitch [5'4" | CW 120 | GW 115 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 27 12:16:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5klhmb/hes_back/
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I'm sorry for posting this here, but I need to rant and I need support and I don't have anyone else. Literally.

He used to cheat on his girlfriend with me, for a year. He was my best and only friend, and I loved him so so so much. And he'd get drunk and beat me with a belt. He was sexually abusive, and every time he left my apartment I'd cry. And then he moved in with his girlfriend and dropped off the face of the earth. One of my college friends assaulted me, and one of my other friends raped me while his girlfriend watched. I didn't have anyone to help me, because he was the only person I'd turn to when things got hard, and he was gone. I didn't ever have anyone who loved me but him. And now he's back, and he's trying to be nice and I'm trying so hard to pull away but I missed him so much, even for all the bad stuff. It's obvious he's not attracted to me anymore, even though I lost the weight, because I shaved my head. I'm caught between wanting his approval and being afraid he'll leave again. I don't have anyone else, I'm alone in this big horrible city, and I'm spiraling out of control again. He didn't even apologize for what happened.

Sorry for the rant...

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[Rant/Rave] I look a lot more physically attractive in the face after over-eating/binging for so long.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [Everybody's Fool]
Created: Tue Dec 27 12:14:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5klh8d/i_look_a_lot_more_physically_attractive_in_the/
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(overeating = bulking for the past few weeks. Binging = Holidays last three days)

My face looks fuller, which to me is chubby, but I can appreciate that it also makes me look more youthful. My skin is rosey and glowing, besides some bits of acne, rather than sallow and yellow. My lips are the main thing - rather than pale/blue-ish, they are pink. My hair is in great condition. My eyes are bright.

Shame that my body looks like flabby poop huh.

I kind of look like a chubby cherub tbh.

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[Other] I don't deserve to eat
/u/TinyTinyCleverCDR [156 cm | 50.8 kg | 21.73 | -7.7 kg | F]
Created: Tue Dec 27 11:54:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kld3i/i_dont_deserve_to_eat/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] My step sister said I look "healthier" than the last time she saw me.
/u/melcatx
Created: Tue Dec 27 10:16:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kks9v/my_step_sister_said_i_look_healthier_than_the/
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Every time I see her, she makes comments about my being too thin, looking sick, etc. I saw her yesterday and she said I look healthier.

That bitch -_- Perhaps she realized her comments were too motivating for me, as I am definitely thinner than the last time she saw me.

I absolutely cannot wait until I see her at the beginning of February. I am 112 pounds right now, and I plan on being 106 then. Can't wait to see the look on her face.

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[Help] Mrs. Fields is a bitch
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 27 09:34:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kkk49/mrs_fields_is_a_bitch/
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I hate how deliciously amazing those frosted sugar cookies are ): the website says 270 cals for the whole thing and I ate half and I ain't buying that something that delicious and covered with frosting is less than 300. Can anyone help me not freak out? Thanks haha

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[Help] SO read all of my reddits -_-
/u/zebra3stripes
Created: Tue Dec 27 08:58:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kkd8n/so_read_all_of_my_reddits/
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I asked my SO to fix my computer today (there was an issue with it connecting to the internet) and while he was fixing it he wandered over to my Reddit page. I unknowingly left my account logged in and he saw everything. He saw how I wrote about hiding barf in my closet, wanting to restrict as many calories as possible, chewing and spitting, that I take medications, and that I'm terrified of my weight.

He confronted me about all of it earlier this evening and we had a nice talk. He told me he read everything and the whole time my ears were burning. He was very nice and gently asked why I'm taking medications and he said he better understands my issue with working out. He didn't say anything about restricting or chew/spitting. He did mention the comment I made about hiding bags of throw up in my closet. He was very upset about that and almost started crying. He thinks Bulimia is going to kill my organs or something like that.

I tried to explain my panic attacks and extreme anxiety to him. I told him how my heart races and echos in my ears and I can't hear what people are saying. How it feels like my chest is full of acid and I'm drowning in it. How I can't use the phone bc it makes me shake and want to vomit. It was really hard to explain all of it to him.

He looked at me and said thank you for telling me, I want you to be able to tell me everything. Never feel like I won't understand or try to understand what you're going through. It was really sweet and heartfelt. I feel like I'm in some fairytale and I hope it never ends.

Anyways it was an invasion of privacy for him to read my Reddit which I wasn't happy about, but in the end I'm kind of glad he did..

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[Help] Needing words of encouragement, support, and advice.
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 112 | 20.4 | -56| GW: 105| 20.48]
Created: Tue Dec 27 08:22:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kk6wb/needing_words_of_encouragement_support_and_advice/
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Hey all,

I posted a while back about fasting my 16 hr flight (which was successful!) but now that I have arrived at my dad's things have been extremely challenging. He lives in a country where nearly no menus have nutritional info/ almost everything I eat is cooked by someone else and I don't have access to most of my safe foods and I can't control when/where/what I eat.

The first few days I am certain I was overestimating because I was experiencing hunger in a way I am not used to even when heavily restricting. I stuck with it though because I was so terrified of secret calories. To make matters worse, I have had a migraine since I landed probably because of the 17 hours at a high altitude. Today I woke up ravenous, and had planned to eat "real meals" to stave off a binge. But I fucking failed. I think my whole days calories was still around 2000 but I just feel so disgusting. I ate things I am intolerant too (dairy, wheat) and I know I will feel gross for days.

This complete loss of control is completely freaking me out and I have been hyperventilating for about a half hour now, despite a hot shower and a valium. To make matters worse, there is a 12 hour time difference so my entire IRL support system is unavailable.

I don't know where to go from here. Should I try eating maintenance tomorrow? restricting? How do I navigate being here for a month without losing it entirely?

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[Discussion] When did you stop feeling guilty?
/u/RickyWicky
Created: Tue Dec 27 05:09:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kjftn/when_did_you_stop_feeling_guilty/
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A big issue for me used to be disposing of food and drink that was perfectly fine for consumption, and often lovingly prepared by a family member, or bought with a dear-person's hard earned money.

But I'm finding that I care less and less about throwing it all away for the sake of keeping my calories as low as I can. The way I see it is: it's going down the drain anyway, so I might as well shove it down the drain while it still looks good.

So yeah, do you still feel guilty about these sorts of things? If not, when did you stop caring?

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A December 27, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Dec 27 05:08:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kjfre/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_december_27_2016/
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Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 27, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Dec 27 05:08:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kjfqm/daily_food_diary_december_27_2016/
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This is a daily food diary thread for December 27, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] What awkward or embarrassing situations has you ED put you through?
/u/tinyr3x
Created: Tue Dec 27 04:52:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kjdqp/what_awkward_or_embarrassing_situations_has_you/
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What are your embarrassing/awkward moments at work or school because of your Ed?

For me it's something that started on Sunday when I took laxatives. I wanted to come to work on Tuesday with an empty tummy so I took the laxatives at 6pm on Sunday and on Monday morning the effect didn't kick in yet. I panicked and to make sure I'd go to the bathroom on that day I proceeded to take the double dose (and that's like 6 pulls + 3 from before). The effect kicked in almost immediately. All was fine and dandy all day. On Tuesday morning I started feeling the effects again. I started work at 9am and I've been in meetings and trainings all day. My stomach has been killing me and I had to go to the bathroom like 4-5 times now and I'm only 4 hours in. I stayed at the bathroom at least an hour today hiding from co-workers and making sure no one saw me going to the bathroom or exiting. It was so embarrassing to leave the meeting to go to the bathroom while looking like I was about to faint. It's a miracle nobody asked me what was wrong. I also found a more hidden bathroom that people don't use that much and that's where I hid during half of my lunch break. I hope the effects will wear off soon because I don't want to have an awkward conversation with my manager about how I have to run to the bathroom twice an hour to release myself.

Good part is that it was easy to skip lunch today without having to explain myself to my colleagues.

So, what about you guys? What awkward or embarrassing situations has you ED put you through?

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[Rant/Rave] 2 days without a binge but then...
/u/lilahclover
Created: Tue Dec 27 04:20:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kja75/2_days_without_a_binge_but_then/
---
Just a vent... I managed to last 2 days with out a binge, but then my husband bought a cheescake and cut me a piece and I couldn't say no. I then had a twinkie. And am feeling hungry. All I had today was some steak and prawns. I did go to the gym today and yesterday too. So I know I am under my calorie allowance but I feel guilty I have put on so much weight from my binging, and my sister is on a weight loss drug even tho she really is a lot bigger than me I am jealous she is on the drug and loosing fast. My shirts are tight around my arms and my other sister had her engagement party and looked amazing she also has lost a heap of weight, (has been the smallest)

---

[Help] This is way worse than Christmas :( :(
/u/-MySecretAccount- [5'4" | 110 | 19.05 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 27 04:19:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kja3o/this_is_way_worse_than_christmas/
---
/on mobille, cant flair :(

Although Christmas was hard for probably all of us, I have managed to survive it. Didnt gain weight, wasnt even really that bloated. But Christmas wasn't what I've feared.

Im on a train right now, Im going to visit my boyfriend and his family for whole 8 days. I am both very happy to see him and terrified about what and how Im going to eat. I cant calculate anything(my scale broke anyway...), I dont know what will go into my dinners and we will probably go out a lot.

There is this place in his town that serves sooo delicious food, but their portion size is ridiculous. (I mean, just look at that: http://imgur.com/3AmYJJS )

How will I be able to not worry and think about food all the time? How will I resist bingeing?

---

[Rant/Rave] After Christmas, AND gaining weight from several weeks before, I'm still under my first goal weight! (rave)
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 27 01:18:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kipi9/after_christmas_and_gaining_weight_from_several/
---
And I'll be updating my flair soon :)

While I'm not ideally where I want to be, I didn't look at the scale and cry. I'm still under my first goal weight from when I was heavily restricting a *month and a half ago*, including the weight gain from attempted recovery, and Christmas, not to mention this was also at the end of the day . I hadn't weighed myself since October. I was so nervous, but overall I feel good about where I'm at, despite eating way more than I usually do.

But now I'm wondering what I did weigh when I was at my thinnest? I had two inches off my waist, and one off of each arm and thigh; now it's killing me not to know!

For the first time in forever I don't feel like setting myself on fire after weighing myself, instead I'm gonna celebrate by posting here! (and *not*eating)

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel genuine sadness when eating...
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 54.4 kg | 19.98 cuz im petty | 18 f]
Created: Tue Dec 27 00:46:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kilmm/i_feel_genuine_sadness_when_eating/
---
It's Christmas. This is my favorite holiday. My favorite time of the year. My birthday is December 17th. I am always excited and looking forward to everything regarding this time of the year.

But not this year. This December wasn't good. This December wasn't outright terrible either. It was just fine. I had three advent calendars. Two of them I gave my mom a couple of days ago, unopened. One was a gift from a friend very dear to me. I just gave it away, as if it meant nothing to me. The last calendar was binged on on the 13th.

I could hardly eat anything for my birthday. I forced myself to, and was nauseated for days after.

I just feel so empty. There's this tiny black hole inside me. Food used to fill it out. I was happy eating. I was happy cooking. I loved food. I especially loved food in December.

But now. Do I hate food? Do I dislike it? Does it make me feel things? Make other feelings disappear? No. Not at all. I feel nothing about food. It is as insignificant as a piece of gum on the sidewalk.

And that makes me genuinely sad. I wish I still cared for food

---

[Discussion] Any experience with Xanax and appetite changes here?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 26 23:52:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kiehn/any_experience_with_xanax_and_appetite_changes/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate that this is normal for me
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Mon Dec 26 23:45:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kidl5/i_hate_that_this_is_normal_for_me/
---
Christmas I had a lot more calories than I wanted/usually do. At the end of the night I was thinking to myself it wasn't so bad, I was normal with food, tomorrow's a new day, proud of myself for not panicking about it, etc., but then I remembered that hours ago I threw up Christmas dinner, got seconds and purged again. That's completely fucked, the fact that it's so reasonable to me that I was able to forget it even happened for a few hours is actually crazy.

---

[Help] i really need advice on dealing with disgusting feelings of jealousy towards my sister and how to approach her about her possible ed
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 26 23:32:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kibru/i_really_need_advice_on_dealing_with_disgusting/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] How I realised I have a serious issue with portion sizes
/u/Raspberry_Pancake
Created: Mon Dec 26 20:12:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5khhd4/how_i_realised_i_have_a_serious_issue_with/
---
It's finally made sense to me.


For the holidays, I went back to my family. My family consist of my mum, my brother, his wife and their two kids.


I was serving food for my nephew who is 12. He's a big kid already and definitely eats adult servings. The other adults were in the kitchen while I helped the kids settle on their table.


So I put food on his plate. I put what I would eat - which until now I thought was fairly reasonable. His parents come to the table and looks at his plate on shock "Son! You seriously aren't gonna eat all that are you!?"


They thought he helped himself to food. Sorry nephew for accidentally trying to overfeed you.


Yeah, I realised I just pile monstrous amounts of food on my plate. I felt so ashamed. My nephew was too polite to say it was me who filled his plate and just silently put back the excess food.


I kinda see why I'm the only overweight person in the family. From now on, I'm gonna start using smaller plates.

---

[Discussion] How old is everyone on here?
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Mon Dec 26 19:35:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5khbh7/how_old_is_everyone_on_here/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5khbh7/how_old_is_everyone_on_here/

---

Watching Super Size Me and eating raw broccoli
/u/lovelysilliness
Created: Mon Dec 26 19:06:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kh6pf/watching_super_size_me_and_eating_raw_broccoli/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] Some post-Christmas food ponderings (possible TW?)
/u/RickyWicky
Created: Mon Dec 26 16:24:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kgfiz/some_postchristmas_food_ponderings_possible_tw/
---
So yesterday was the first time I, just like many others here, have eaten somewhat "normally" in quite some time. Some binged, some purged, some were lucky enough to not have to deal with the food and the people and the expectations and the suspicions and the this and that and fuck everything.

But, it made me realise how my sense of taste has improved. Maybe it's just me, but do others experience the same thing? I know it's psychological, in that my palette just isn't used to a constant bombardment of different chemical stimuli anymore (other than vaping.)

So, that begs the question: despite the horror of it, what's the best thing you've tasted/eaten this Christmas that you probably would have taken completely for granted had you not had an ED?

Mine's a peanut and raisin mix, lol... classy, I know. But Jesus did I pig out on that crap... everything else was just kinda meh, stressed me out too much to care.

---

[Rant/Rave] So done with the holidays and eating already gOOD LORD
/u/Rekkiton
Created: Mon Dec 26 16:20:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kgex4/so_done_with_the_holidays_and_eating_already_good/
---
For christs fuckin cookie filled sake I can not stand how much I've eaten over the past few days. A tray of cookies was brought on a day I was doing REALLY WELL and guess what I fucking did. I poured my self a cold cup of WHOLE MILK (who even drinks whole anymore you fat fuck) and proceeded to dip like 7 cookies in it and eat them. These motherfuckers were deadly big ass cookies with stuff like fudge in them AND I DRANK THE MILK HOOOOOOO HO HO FUCKING HATE MYSELF. Literally. Literally these days have been filled with just eating and regretting. My stocking was PACKED with candy and today was gonna be my "first day back on track because the holidays are over" or some shit. NOPE. Pez and m&ms and other shit say no. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of eating. I'm bloated and I can't stand it. I don't want to eat again. I want to do a week long fast. Oh and guess what is adding to today. My dads bringing home my biggest binge trigger. 2500 calories of it. Parmesan garlic wings from Buffalo wild wings. I can't not eat them. Maybe I'll just eat them and never eat for the next week.

---

Is it normal to not be barely losing weight on the fourth day?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 26 16:05:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kgcew/is_it_normal_to_not_be_barely_losing_weight_on/
---
[removed]

---

So glad that I have ana.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 26 15:35:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kg7cz/so_glad_that_i_have_ana/
---
[removed]

---

[Goal] I updated my start wight in MFP
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Mon Dec 26 15:22:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kg57q/i_updated_my_start_wight_in_mfp/
---
So last year my start weight was 168.4. This year, post-Christmas 4 day binge, my start wight is 141.1. I updated my MFP start weight so I'll be told my year to date weight loss every time I weigh in, just like in 2016. It's a huge motivation to see my year to date progress - but I hate my year over year progress because it reminds me of how fat I let myself get.


I want to lose 5 lbs a month, and this will put all my mishaps on blast to everyone if I fail. I'm going to hit 110s 2017.

Le'go!

---

[Rant/Rave] binging rant
/u/eggtitties
Created: Mon Dec 26 13:42:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kfo20/binging_rant/
---
I'm at a huge family get together for Christmas.....there's so much food!! cookies, chocolate, cake, cupcakes, sandwiches, spiced nuts, wine etc....I've binged so much :( I'm certain that I ate around 3000 calories and I'm still here...I weighed 98 lbs but I'm sure I'll gain. I hate myself so much >.<

---

[Discussion] Hello beautiful girls and guys! Anyone get anything nice / useful for Xmas?
/u/LaDiscotheque [5'7.5 | 135 | 20.7| F]
Created: Mon Dec 26 12:24:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kfac7/hello_beautiful_girls_and_guys_anyone_get/
---
I got a load of new running stuff and new Under Armour shoes for Christmas, they're so awesome (totally monochrome cause fuck colours yo).

Anyone get some good stuff this year? :)

P.s. Message me if you'd like a new MFP buddy cause I haven't logged properly since over a week ago! Urgjhhhhshdh.

Edit: No flair 'cos I'm on my mobile. Soz mods.

---

[Discussion] What are your best anti-binge-quotes?
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Mon Dec 26 11:48:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kf3uj/what_are_your_best_antibingequotes/
---
I'm on mobile, so no flair, sorry. Just hit it with the **Discussion** one.

---

[Discussion] DAE have anxiety-hunger?
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Mon Dec 26 11:14:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kexth/dae_have_anxietyhunger/
---
Sudden hunger triggered by being scared or just anxious?

Does anyone know how to make it go away? I'm not in a scary situation. I want to just wait it out. Nothing is really working.

Even if you can't relate, do you have any anti binge quotes. I feel like I'm about to cave.

---

[Discussion] Ditching carbs cold turkey. Stupid or not?
/u/TheMostExoticFlower [5'4 | -50lbs | F]
Created: Mon Dec 26 10:43:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kes40/ditching_carbs_cold_turkey_stupid_or_not/
---
Do you think it's a good idea to go cold turkey on a very low carb diet? Or should I slowly reduce the amount of carbs in my diet? According to MFP I would consume only 2g of carbs tomorrow, but I'm thinking if that might possibly lead to a binge. I've been eating way too many carbs this month (and I'm addicted) and I look like a fucking chipmunk. I know the bloating will go away fast if I work for it, ideally I would be back to normal by New Year's eve.

Is my attempt doomed? I need to get back on track.

---

[Rant/Rave] Why the f*ck does everyone give me food for Christmas?
/u/OccasionalJerk [5'5 | 155 | 25.8 | GW: 125 | -6 | 17F]
Created: Mon Dec 26 10:05:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kelo7/why_the_fck_does_everyone_give_me_food_for/
---
Sorry for the anger, but I need to get this out. I genuinely do not understand why everyone feels the need to get me food for Christmas. For one, I'm not even skinny, I'm actually overweight right now and have mentioned I'm trying to lose some weight and yet that doesn't deter them any. Two, I'm truly not a hard person to buy gifts for. When people ask, I will say it's not necessary, but if they do feel the need to get me something, I'd appreciate either money, a gift card, or I'll name a specific gift(like I told someone lipstick and instead they got me a mug....a hershey's mug with candy). Yet it seems like I get the *same* gifts every year--candy and/or lotion. I got a motherfucking endless supply of lotions that I do not use! I always use Vaseline because it works so good, and I have acne and when I put it on my face it doesn't break me out. Actually, I just use Vaseline as lotion on my legs and arms, too, because it works better than the scented lotion people get me(and I mention that), but I still get more lotions. :/

Like, literally, this is an example with my friends: I told the specific friend that was giving the gifts that I wanted some new makeup, and I even told her that I really liked those gift sets they have at Walmart. What did I get? A giant candy cane and some York peppermint patty things. And what did my other friend get? Makeup. WHY?? I then decided that I don't want this fucking candy cane(it was so big I literally would've never finished it, and goddamnit I don't like peppermint that much anyway), and I took it back to Walmart to get a refund. The candy cane literally cost three dollars. My friend spent probably a total of six dollars on me, with the chocolate, and I spent over twenty on her buying things that she ACTUALLY WANTED. dowvhrowhvouvwocnwNVFE


But yeah, this drives me insane. I straight up just don't get it. But shoutout to my brother's girlfriend for getting me something that isn't food, isn't lotion, and is something that I will actually use. You da real MVP.

Anyway, done ranting about my first world problems. Long story short: people get on my nerves.

And I hope everyone had a great Christmas!!

---

[Other] Am I allowed here?
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Mon Dec 26 09:12:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kecte/am_i_allowed_here/
---
I'm recovering from my eating disorder. No weight regaining or anything major, just trying to eat like a normal person. I don't post in the food diary. I don't really have anyone who 'get' my eating disorder in real life, so I mostly come here to receive support or give support.

---

[Rant/Rave] I always have something to fall back on when I feel alone
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 26 08:47:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ke8rk/i_always_have_something_to_fall_back_on_when_i/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] That Holiday Family Feeling
/u/missmadime [5'6" | CW: oh god | GW: 120| -24lbs | F]
Created: Mon Dec 26 07:07:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kdv8m/that_holiday_family_feeling/
---
http://imgur.com/gvI2NDH

---

Tr
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 26 06:53:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kdtbj/tr/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Made a video talking about an ED experience, hope this is allowed *trigger warning*
/u/tortoise80
Created: Mon Dec 26 05:54:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kdman/made_a_video_talking_about_an_ed_experience_hope/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zq3qUmHyZSQ&t

---

Ouch :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 26 05:31:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kdjk5/ouch/
---
[deleted]

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! December 26, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Dec 26 05:13:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kdhm7/weekly_stats_update_december_26_2016/
---
This is the weekly status thread for December 26, 2016.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 26, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Dec 26 05:13:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kdhli/daily_food_diary_december_26_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 26, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Other] Christmas is over!
/u/woollyshirt [172cm | 53kg | 17.76 | -35kg | M]
Created: Mon Dec 26 05:09:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kdh59/christmas_is_over/
---
The holidays are difficult. Food and family and weird obligations to take part in things. I think most people find some parts of christmas stressful but even more so if you have to balance any kind of ED at the same time.

But we made it!! Christmas is over, and things can get back to normal now. It's another year until this all comes round again, and it's this time left that matters when it comes to hitting goals. Christmas is just a small part of the year. It's persistent effort the rest of the time that makes the big difference :)

---

[Rant/Rave] Just a quick pointless water weight rant
/u/Ire_of_suburbia [5'4" | 85lbs | 14,6 | -53 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 26 04:22:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kdcgd/just_a_quick_pointless_water_weight_rant/
---
I know it's nearly impossible for most people to avoid gaining at least a couple lbs of water weight with all this Christmas bullshit but this year I actually managed to get out of it so yesterday I was home alone all day and it was an absolutely normal, average day. Was it really necessary to wake up 0,4kg (about a pound) heavier today? Ugh. I'm just kinda bummed because it feels like my body is making fun of me. "Oh, you thought you were safe from the post-Christmas bloat? Lolnope watch this motherfucker" Well, fuck you too.

---

[Rant/Rave] Does anyone feel like you have to be thin for someone you like?
/u/_saisonenenfer [175cm | not thin :( | M]
Created: Mon Dec 26 02:10:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kcz1n/does_anyone_feel_like_you_have_to_be_thin_for/
---
It makes me cry so much. I told my best girl friend that I had a crush on her and I had a feeling she'd say no and she did. She's the most wonderful person I've ever meet. Smart, kind, beautiful and unique. We've both had issues with eating disorders, mental health issues, we get along really well. it's like we were made for each other. except she wishes that she was in love with me because it would've been the best but you don't get to decide that.

I feel so incredibly heartbroken. it's been two weeks since she told me and it hurts less with time. I'm trying to get over my feelings but it also takes time. but now my dumb brain has started thinking again, kicking up my ED and BBD, thinking I wasn't thin enough for her, that I'm incredibly ugly and I'll never find someone who will like me and I want to starve myself til I almost die. Has anyone been through this? Please talk to me, I feel so incredibly sad

---

[Discussion] Does it usually work for you guys to count out tomorrows calories in advance?
/u/llamadude00
Created: Sun Dec 25 22:58:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kccui/does_it_usually_work_for_you_guys_to_count_out/
---
I'm starting to set up calories the day before and personally it seems to help me stay on track better. What about you guys?

---

[Rant/Rave] periods fml
/u/wyydean [5'3| CW125lb | GW100lb | F]
Created: Sun Dec 25 22:14:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kc6rb/periods_fml/
---
i just got my period for the first time in 5 months which is honestly horrible. it means that im gaining again and my body is at a "healthy" weight. anyways i want to scale myself but being this bloated makes it feel like im even heavier if that makes sense?? is it safe to weigh myself idk i know this is a trainwreck post im really upset rn

---

[Thinspo] My ultimate male thinspo tbh
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 25 21:29:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kc0dg/my_ultimate_male_thinspo_tbh/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRJ6Y4rmz9Y

---

[Goal] I hit a new LW for Christmas!
/u/MidnightCrashes [5'1| CW: 88.2 |17.40| F]
Created: Sun Dec 25 20:41:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kbtfw/i_hit_a_new_lw_for_christmas/
---
I mostly lurk on this but I'm too happy right now omg. It's 10:30pm and I think we all know weighing at the end of the day is a bad idea, but I did it anyway, and I hit 88.2lbs! My goal was to hit a new LW for Christmas and I managed to fucking do it for once! :D

---

[Rant/Rave] Feeling small next to men
/u/yes2theaddress [5'8 | cw:145 | cgw:135 | -40 | f]
Created: Sun Dec 25 19:19:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kbhl1/feeling_small_next_to_men/
---
This is a big deal for me as I'm quite a bit taller than average and virtually never feel small next to men (unless they're super tall), but after my recent bought of weight loss I actually feel it? And it's such a rush? Idek. I was ordering drinks at a bar and there was a man standing next to me and he just felt so much bigger than me, it was such a great feeling aha.

---

[Rant/Rave] I have never puked so much in my life.
/u/ghostrice [5'6 | 27/F | SW: 280lbs - CW: 178lbs - GW: 140lbs]
Created: Sun Dec 25 19:05:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kbfin/i_have_never_puked_so_much_in_my_life/
---
I can't handle Christmas as a bulimic. And an alcoholic. I need support. I need... I don't know...

---

[Goal] Fitbit friends?
/u/annamd24
Created: Sun Dec 25 18:42:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kbbwi/fitbit_friends/
---
I got a fitbit for Christmas and definitely going to be putting it to good use. Does anyone on here have one and want to be friends?

---

[Other] I feel like a weirdo
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [🐷 5'2 | NB-dfab | CW: 163.6lb | 29.9/31.0 | UGW: 90lb | -26.4lb]
Created: Sun Dec 25 18:18:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kb88g/i_feel_like_a_weirdo/
---
I have to work today and we had a potluck. I brought something but instead of taking some I walked across the street to a restaurant and ordered a fruit dish and a Diet Coke. And my old crush was my waiter. So he got a glimpse of my ED behaviors which I hate :)))

Anybody else having a weird Christmas?

(Not sure what to tag this sorry)

---

[Help] tw: I just purged for the first time.
/u/Suusss [\\ 5'6" // cw114.5 \\ -9.8 //]
Created: Sun Dec 25 17:51:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kb407/tw_i_just_purged_for_the_first_time/
---
TW I am descriptive because I am flipping out. Also tipsy, as it's tonight at 8:00pm.

Christmas, family pressure, social eating, social stigma. Whatever: I just purged my christmas dinner while everyone else ate and was happy afterwards with their stuffed stomachs. I started chugging wine after my half-portion and felt myself get sicker and sicker (I dont usually eat pig or pork... I dont usually eat meat at all, which I am pretty sure started this). To be honest, I thought tonight was going to be the one night I just was okay with the concept of eating. I mean, I worked all semester to be 115, and it's the winter, and it's a seasonal food intake to weather the Canadian weather... etc. etc... but I removed it ALL from myself. There was this systematic, slightly tipsy, Sargent major telling me to doitdoitdoitdoit.

I think I was scared of the volume of food everyone else took, and that I associated their portions with mine.
When everyone was upstairs, I went to the bathroom and purged literal handfuls of food. It was fucking EASY. I didn't even choke, as if I do this all the time. The portions just kept coming up, and I happily put my finger down my throat and wriggled around until my tight stomach emptied. Sorry, that's gross.

So, yeah. It happened... as if the dinner didn't happen. As if Christmas didn't happen. I flushed my dinner and my chocolate and drank more wine. I have a confession and a question:

1) I dont feel bad at all and I'm SO SCARED(ish~) that this is now too easy to do..... please scare me into NOT becoming mia?!?!?

2) I know about not brushing my teeth - but why? Also, is brushing avoided because the toothpaste is harmful, or because the toothbrush rubs the acid into my teeth, and that harm me?

I'm gross. I just wasted so much food.

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel like shit
/u/rubber__soul [5'6| CW yikes |GW1 120 | UGW 100/ Gender: F/20]
Created: Sun Dec 25 17:42:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kb2kw/i_feel_like_shit/
---
Ugh, so Christmas has been a nightmare.
Yesterday (christmas eve) i fasted until dinner, and i felt pretty good going into it. Then at dinner, i ate more than i planned on eating and wound up purging. At dessert, I was juuuust fine drinking my coffee until my grandma shoved a piece of chocolate pie down my throat so i had to purge again because i felt disgusting. Then later on, i ACTUALLY got sick and started throwing up uncontrollably. i have no idea why, but i felt so sick and i couldn't even drink water without vomiting.
Fast forward to today.
I ate so much for breakfast, then just continued to eat. i couldn't fucking stop. The last two days have been a constant cycle of binging and purging. my throat hurts like hell, and i feel disgusting. i'm excited for this all to be over so i can go back to my workout regimen and restricting in peace. fuck.

---

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] My strategy for Christmas Dinner
/u/7_of_cups [5'4 | CW 99 | GW 98 | 17.33 | F]
Created: Sun Dec 25 17:14:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kay7i/my_strategy_for_christmas_dinner/
---
[removed]

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Christmas collarbones
/u/Kinglens311
Created: Sun Dec 25 16:47:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kau9r/christmas_collarbones/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kasg3/christmas_collarbones/?ref=search_posts&utm_source=ifttt

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[Other] Christmas collarbones
/u/MymlanOhlin
Created: Sun Dec 25 16:35:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kasg3/christmas_collarbones/
---
http://i.imgur.com/J9hk2ki.jpg

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Struggling with GERD and regurgitation
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 107.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Sun Dec 25 16:17:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kapfz/struggling_with_gerd_and_regurgitation/
---
[removed]

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[Help] [Help] I'm going to live without a fridge and a stove for at least a month
/u/voidnasp [153cm | CW 55,6kg | 24,96 | -12kg | F]
Created: Sun Dec 25 16:08:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kao1a/help_im_going_to_live_without_a_fridge_and_a/
---
I'm currently living with my roommate, her boyfriend and my boyfriend. We had a disagreement leading to me leaving the flat we are living in, and my SO following me. It's kind of a relief because I'm quite sure that living with my roommate's boyfriend who's obsessed about food and eat like a pig didn't help me when I was already at the edge of relapsing. So maybe I'll feel less bad about myself when I eat, and with all that holiday feasting it's almost a luxury.

So I started to search for a new flat to live with my SO and I found the perfect flat, and we're moving in at the beginning of January. As the renting fees are a bit expensive and the flat is rented empty, we won't have enough money to buy furnitures the first month at least. That means that we won't have a fridge or a stove, but we already have a rice cooker and a microwave. I'm kind of excited by this little adventure, but apart from eating salads or already prepared meals i can microwave, I don't know what I could eat that is low cal and, if possible, filling...

Does anybody has any good idea ?

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[Rant/Rave] A few weeks ago, I got the strength to clear out my chocolate/junk food stash ready for the new year. It has just been refilled because of holiday gifts.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [Everybody's Fool]
Created: Sun Dec 25 15:56:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kam43/a_few_weeks_ago_i_got_the_strength_to_clear_out/
---
GODDAMNIT.

I DON'T HAVE THE STRENGTH TO DO THAT AGAIN.

Well, I've chucked some of the generic chocolate gifts (by 'chucked' I mean, put in a bag to gift out at running club), but some other things I've been gifted are some of my *favourite* things... fancier chocolates, mainly, which I love and cannot find it in me to give away or throw away. I'm a sucker for high quality chocolate.. everyone fuckin' knows it.

Besides my boyfriend, I specifically asked people NOT to get me chocolate this year. I did express a wish to my boyfriend to have a really fancy handmade gourmet chocolate thingy, from a store in his city, which he got me... which is lovely <3 So obviously that's really nice, especially because besides that he got me healthy food items that he knows I like and am comfortable eating a lot so he actually gave a shit about my wishes.. But everyone else, I said, "I prefer to eat healthy, no chocolate for Christmas for me please! I always end up with too much!" but of course they all get me chocolate ANYWAY.

My Uncle joked that he was 'going to get liposuction after Christmas' to which I laughed and said 'Me too, after all this!' to which the whole family starting moaning at me about how if I lost any more weight, I'd 'just me a nose with legs' and random shit. Usually the 'youre thin' comments would make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, but today they just made me silently rage - I can't really put my finger on why. I WANT people to think I'm thin, even too thin, but for some reason I wanted to strangle them for it. Probably because if they didn't think I was 'too thin', they wouldn't have gotten me chocolate when I specifically asked for none? Or something, I dunno.

Sigh.

Maybe I'll get the strength in New Years to get rid. I've portioned it all out anyway, incase I decide to keep it and try to have one portion a week... but honestly, besides my SOs gift, I just want the strength to get rid of it all.

---

[Rant/Rave] Well I think I've figured out why I'm not losing weight. I'm an idiot
/u/Teasustainslife [5'2,? broke scale, -42 all together, CGW 120, UGW 106 19F]
Created: Sun Dec 25 15:56:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kam1q/well_i_think_ive_figured_out_why_im_not_losing/
---
Today even though it was Christmas I tried paying more attention to my intake. Goddamn it I know why now I'm stuck at 126(Well I'm 128 now, Blame the fruitcake). I had gotten really lazy with estimating my portions because family and it's always worked, But probably because I am smaller now it's catching up. Today I weighed some of my food secretly and realized I'm taking in at least 2 to 3 times as much as I assume. Which probably ends up adding up to maintenance and the 'low' days are averaging out days where I'm eating way more then I should.

*sigh* I feel like such a idiot today, This is stuff normal people do "Why am I not losing weight? Can't be because I'm eating too much, Nah". Suppose I'm going to have to weigh and look more closely at my intake now. I think my portions have crept up too.

---

No ED, really just asking for advice....
/u/C4th3x15
Created: Sun Dec 25 15:34:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5kairw/no_ed_really_just_asking_for_advice/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Why isn't it a big deal to anyone else?
/u/hypotheticalfox
Created: Sun Dec 25 14:29:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ka8ww/why_isnt_it_a_big_deal_to_anyone_else/
---
On mobile.

My brother who wrestles cuts weight by not eating like it's the most routine thing. My other brother just doesn't eat basically because he doesn't like to.

My dad keeps telling me to suck it up as far as when I'm tired and feel like I deserve a rest. I get the "you're only 24, you can't be tired!" comments and I'm pretty sick of it. My family thinks I'm pretentious for wanting to eat my soup and shit and my mom comments on literally everything I do. It isn't malicious but it gets on my nerves.

My roommate and I have been trying to get healthier together and he keeps telling me I just need to eat less which makes me feel pretty terrible. I already eat way less than he does and we're the same height and close in weight. I haven't been restricting near to the point you guys have, I've been eating 1500 calories per day but i was probably averaging 2200+ over the semester especially including beer so it's a pretty solid deficit. (I was maintaining there without thinking about it, I'm 5'7" and I was 145ish lbs. A week later I'm 140-142.) I've also cut back drinking to a third if not less of what I was drinking and he keeps telling me to drink even less because it's just pointless calories. Yeah he isn't wrong but I fucking want to drink so fuck you I'll eat less.

Plus I've been snowboarding a shitload (not eating those calories back) and working pretty hard at it. My roommate (who to be fair is usually very supportive and positive with me though it doesn't sound like it here) says I need to work harder and I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a pussy but I feel so exhausted and hungry. Isn't that good enough? I guess I should just "toughen up" like everyone keeps telling me. It literally makes me never want to eat again and hurt myself to prove that I can handle it.

Why does everyone else think it's so easy? I feel like a wimpy failure.

Just ate a bunch of gummy bears and some pizza. Well it's Christmas. Everyone can go fuck themselves.

Sorry for the angry tone here. I think we've all been stressed with the holiday season. Thanks for reading.

---

Holliday weight gain/jumping on the new year weight loss wagon
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 25 14:25:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ka88o/holliday_weight_gainjumping_on_the_new_year/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] I love my relationship with my brother.
/u/dec4y [5'3|cw:139.8|gw:95|-25lbs|F]
Created: Sun Dec 25 13:55:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ka3ia/i_love_my_relationship_with_my_brother/
---
(Sorry, I'm on mobile, can't flair)

My brother: (after hugging me) "you're so skinny are you okay?"
Me: "no hahaha"
Him: (pats my shoulder and looks at the floor then laughs, looks at me like "we'll talk later")
I just like that he and I can kind of joke about that kind of stuff and still be serious about it later. It's nice I guess to have someone in my family I can be like that with. Does anyone else have anyone like that?

---

[Rant/Rave] changing plans on Christmas
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 25 13:09:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k9wa2/changing_plans_on_christmas/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Liquid fast help.
/u/Someone_Who_Isnt_You
Created: Sun Dec 25 11:43:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k9irl/liquid_fast_help/
---
[removed]

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Full Calorie Soda Drinkers
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 25 11:37:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k9hwf/full_calorie_soda_drinkers/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Getting clothes for Christmas [rant]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 25 11:13:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k9dwj/getting_clothes_for_christmas_rant/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] There's good food everywhere for Christmas
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Sun Dec 25 10:41:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k98sd/theres_good_food_everywhere_for_christmas/
---
I told myself that I'm only going to consume 250 calories today. It's 12:40 pm and I already consumed 110 calories. Man. This is going to be hard. Idk what I'm going to tell my family bc they want to go out for family dinner.

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[Rant/Rave] Realized my friends are more jealous than concerned
/u/xxx07v [5'6" | cw: 96lbs | bmi: 15.69 | - 24lbs| F]
Created: Sun Dec 25 10:36:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k97yv/realized_my_friends_are_more_jealous_than/
---
Will flair later cause I'm on mobile and I just felt like I had to let this out. I know it's the festive season but I just reflected on somethings over the year and it occurred to me that my friends may actually be more jealous than concerned about my thin state. I started out with a normal bmi before losing till 15 and at 43kg I was already feeling the symptoms of being at a "dangerously" low level. My vision was blurry, seeing halos in lights, couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without feeling extremely tired, hearing my bones crack every time I wake up out of bed, the cold and just feeling really weak. I started to worry about osteoporosis and fainting in public that I confided in a few friends whenever I felt like I wasn't going to make it. At that time, I was really afraid of dying so I decided to try "recovery" and decided to meet up with friends in hopes that eating with them would encourage me to eat more to recover some strength. BUT IT ONLY MADE ME REALISED THAT I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE WITH AN ED. When I told my friend that I was afraid I might die or faint suddenly, she didn't take me that seriously and instead asked me how to lose weight what are the secrets. We bought dinner together but she ended up not eating her portion and giving it to me instead??! I didn't mind since I knew I had eat more to recover but it left me with really mixed feelings. Another time, I agreed to meet up with 2 other friends for lunch but it resulted in me ordering a normal meal and the both of them ordering just coffees. In fact, when I asked them if we could go get lunch soon cause we had been waiting for quite some time and it was lunch time already, she asked if I didn't eat breakfast as if I had skipped resulted in me craving lunch. As I was in the progress of "recovery", I had eaten breakfast and was trying to change my way of thinking about meals to what most people were familiar with. I thought the concept of lunch time was understandable to them since I considered her at least to be unaffected by ed thoughts, leaving me very confused by her question. When she and the other friend only ordered coffees for lunch, I felt even more confused cause I thought we were going to eat a proper "lunch" together. It left me feeling like a pig for eating a "normal" lunch while they sipped on their coffees. Funny thing is, this friend of mine was also the one who kept trying to convince me to eat more while I watched her appetite shrink over the school term. I also recalled another friend of mine saying "yay!! (My name) is finally fat" when I told her about my face becoming puffier from the lack of sleep. I guess it could also be cause I was skinnier than her but I still felt like her comment wasn't really nice even if she meant it as a joke.
So yeah...I really wonder if my friends were actually concerned about me. I'm partially recovered now so I can kind of process this in a more rational manner but it just struck me that most of my friends have an ed of some level but just aren't as disciplined so they don't really lose much weight and I didn't notice till now.
I guess I should just be glad that I was able to "recover" amidst being surrounded by them cause I really felt like relapsing but I knew I wasn't in a good state.

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It's Christmas and there's good good everywhere
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 25 10:29:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k96wj/its_christmas_and_theres_good_good_everywhere/
---
[deleted]

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[Goal] Join me with getting on track before the new year!!💙💙💙
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 25 09:44:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k8zpr/join_me_with_getting_on_track_before_the_new_year/
---
So I am sick to death of being bloated and out of shape. I want to improve myself, by I don't want to wait until the new year. I want to begin 2017 already on track for a healthy year.

That means for me (y'all can follow me or comment your own plans)

* No bingeing

* NO PURGING (I want a mouth worth kissing at midnight)

* Walk (at least) every day. Even if it's just around my neighborhood. Anything is better than nothing.

* more veggies/fruit than carbs

* drink twice as much water as usual to help debloat

* Be accountable! Record everything!

Feel free to join me! I'd love to have friends. PM me for my fitbit acct if you don't mind being friends with me✌💙

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[Help] Topiramate
/u/94xfran94 [5'3 | 52kgs/114lbs| 19.8 | F]
Created: Sun Dec 25 09:44:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k8zn7/topiramate/
---
Anyone using topiramate?

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[Goal] A happy Christmas miracle.
/u/llamadude00
Created: Sun Dec 25 08:39:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k8s4y/a_happy_christmas_miracle/
---
I've been overweight my entire life. I got a scale for Christmas today and I step on the scale and what do I see? 169 lbs!!!! I'm 5'9 so this is the first time in so so long (maybe ever) that I've been an average bmi.

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Dec 25 05:08:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k849a/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
---
Happy Sunday December 25, 2016~

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 25, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Dec 25 05:08:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k848z/daily_food_diary_december_25_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 25, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Help] Need some motivation/comfort
/u/eQuoise12 [5'6 | CW 121 | GW 115 | UGW 110 | F]
Created: Sun Dec 25 04:09:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k7z91/need_some_motivationcomfort/
---
It's the holidays, so I'm at my grandparents' house for two weeks.

With all of the food and sweets, I've been overeating constantly, unable to control my cravings as well as giving in to others' pesterings to eat more. I was diligently following a good routine at home before I got here, but this new enviornment has been throwing me off majorly.

I'm alternating between feelings of shame, guilt, and numbness. I'm getting more and more depressed because I feel like I'm losing control. Everybody on Reddit seems to be doing well with maintaining their eating during the festive period, but here I am about to gain 10 pounds. I know I'm being unreasonable to an extent, but it's driving me mad.

Comfort me, proED?

(Sorry, on mobile, can't flair.)

---

[Intro] Introducing myself
/u/ketogirl98
Created: Sun Dec 25 01:32:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k7lza/introducing_myself/
---
Hi /r/proED !

I've stumbled across this subreddit a couple of times during the investigation (is that the right word) of my eating disorder. The first couple of times I was actually triggered by the things I read here, and I did not want to face the music about my relationship with food. I have now gotten my diagnose and I've gone from denial to realisation. At this point I just want someone to talk to who understands. Who does not think "what the hell is this girl on?" when I express my thoughts.

Me and my therapist are currently debating about my timing with food. I am a believer of not eating when you're not hungry, as I think that if you're not hungry, you do not need to eat. She has given me a spreadsheet of my daily food with six meals of which she wants me to fill. I have not eaten sex meals per day for over 3 years, and I am not planning on starting now. I eat low carb, so only eating two times per day ain't no problem for me. Just the thought of eating four times per day makes me afraid of gaining weight.

I've come to realize that I only binge on carbs. I close to never binge my low carb food. Family of friend gatherings are the worst, as I'm always told I should "relax my diet and live a little. One cookie wont hurt." As a matter of fact yes, one cookie will hurt. Because that cookie will make me want to eat 15 more cookies. And two pieces of pie together with all of the soda. But I do not know how to tell people that they are triggering my eating disorder when insisting I should have some rice to my chicken. It's only my closest friend in school, my boyfriend and my parents who know about my ED.

Thank you for this subreddit. I think I will spend much time here from now on.

Much love
A

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[Help] How to stop being afraid of finding out your weight?
/u/lunarian7
Created: Sat Dec 24 23:38:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k7acw/how_to_stop_being_afraid_of_finding_out_your/
---
I've only weighed myself three times in the past year. One was at a doctor's a year ago and I was 203. Then 2 months later, 183, then 191 after I stopped restricting again. The 191 was in July so a lot could have changed since then but I'm just too scared to find out. If I'm 191 I would still feel like a whale but it'd be manageable, as my first GW is 170 and that's not too far away. But if I'm back at 200+ I would just completely die, I can't even handle the possibility.

The only thing I've done is tried on all my summer clothes from when I was 191 and since they still fit just fine that must mean I can't have ballooned too much but I just don't know...

I want to find out for sure but it's just giving me too much anxiety.

Edit: sorry can't flair, my computer is broken :(

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[Rant/Rave] a year of not purging
/u/bvvvg
Created: Sat Dec 24 23:35:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k79y8/a_year_of_not_purging/
---
down the drain!! i should have known christmas was gonna fuck me up, haha. ah well

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[Other] Hey, I just wanted to wish you all a merry christmas/happy holidays
/u/So_hangry
Created: Sat Dec 24 22:28:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k721i/hey_i_just_wanted_to_wish_you_all_a_merry/
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You guys are seriously wonderful.

I havent been here long but every time I post I'm met with so much support, kindness and empathy.

This time of year must be really tough on everyone here with the huge amounts of food being around and I just hope all of you here are surrounded by those who love/care for you and the day doesn't cause too much stress.

Im not at all religious but I truly believe Christmas is a magical time and in spirit of Christmas I'm going to make an amazing christmas dinner, enjoy my first christmas away from my abusive family and with my partners family, wear the christmas jumper that makes me look frumpy but my bf bought me it and it fucking lights up and I look festive and eat as many homemade stuffing balls as I bloody want.

Even if it's a bad day for losing weight, I'm making it a good day regardless!

What I wanna say is, enjoy today. I know it's just another day but try and make it more than 'just another day'.

You are all such kind people and if theres any people I want to enjoy the holidays, you are all certainly on that list.

You are all worth it :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! <3

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[Discussion] New year's resolutions?
/u/Theriley106 [6' 5"| 164 | 18.08 | -130 | M]
Created: Sat Dec 24 22:05:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k6z3h/new_years_resolutions/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I Made It Out Of Christmas Alive
/u/monsterenergyhat
Created: Sat Dec 24 21:19:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k6t4f/i_made_it_out_of_christmas_alive/
---
Today was Christmas Eve which is when my boyfriend's family does their celebrating. We went out to eat (his mom couldn't cook this year due to surgery) and the place we went to was a buffet type place. I was nervous but I prepared so long for today's meal I decided to allow myself to eat what I wanted. I got Mac & Cheese, Shrimp and mashed potatoes. I would've loved this meal before my ED. I enjoyed it today too. I felt gross after but I said "I can have this. I can fast another day." And held it down. Afterwards we went to his moms house and the kids opened presents. His mom gave me a card and money and a lot of new makeup. I felt so loved. I hope you guys have a good Christmas. this is the first Christmas I've had since I was a kid that i enjoyed. The holidays are the most triggering time for me and I didn't expect to feel happy today. Even if this years Christmas isn't great, I hope you guys have a good day regardless and a good new year.

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[Rant/Rave] "Take some food home with you!"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 24 20:53:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k6psx/take_some_food_home_with_you/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Things to remember during the holidays
/u/GingerrWithASoul [5'6 | 126.4 | 20.48 | Female]
Created: Sat Dec 24 20:52:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k6pn5/things_to_remember_during_the_holidays/
---
These are mostly for myself but I figured some of you might appreciate these reminders too.


- you can restart your day at any point. A binge doesn't have to last until bedtime.

- a binge is okay. It won't ruin the holidays and focusing on the negative aspects will only hurt you.

- it's okay to treat yourself. It's okay to let ED thinking take a backseat sometimes.

- it's okay if you're unable to let your ED thinking take a backseat.

- it's okay to have fun.

- It's okay to be upset.

- it's okay to lean on your supports.

- it's okay to not be perfect.


Wishing all of you lovely /r/proed people a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! ❤❤❤

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[Help] I can't help but think I'm better Sometimes
/u/Teasustainslife [5'2,? broke scale, -42 all together, CGW 120, UGW 106 19F]
Created: Sat Dec 24 19:03:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k6bax/i_cant_help_but_think_im_better_sometimes/
---
I usually loathe myself. But there's one thing I'm proud of, My weight loss. As it's the holidays I am around people who have tried to diet for literally years talk about how they're going to try again new years. It's not that hard is it?

I lost my first 10-15 by just cutting my portion down, Not snacking and no drinks but water and tea(in fact I had chai tea with a half a cup of heavy cream every night in the beginning). It wasn't a big deal at all, I didn't count anything (wish I never went down that road tbh). Can't anyone do something like that?

I just can't help but think when they rattle off "I'm half your age and lost 40 pounds and have kept most of it off for a year. at least put some effort into it if you want it". I guess it's part of my disorder I can't understand this. Meh normal people

---

[Goal] I fasted for 177 hours
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 24 18:34:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k67e0/i_fasted_for_177_hours/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Ate too much, got into an argument with a cousin, and gained 5 pounds this month.
/u/wearebulletproof [5'4 | fat | 20F🎀✨]
Created: Sat Dec 24 18:04:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k633y/ate_too_much_got_into_an_argument_with_a_cousin/
---
Merry fucking Christmas, right?

---

Will i ever be able to run again?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 24 16:14:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k5mj6/will_i_ever_be_able_to_run_again/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Changes in how I view myself with an ED
/u/lunarian7
Created: Sat Dec 24 16:08:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k5li5/changes_in_how_i_view_myself_with_an_ed/
---
-on mobile can't flair-

When I was younger I always motivated myself with self hatred. Not eating because I saw myself as a fat pig and disgusting, and looking in the mirror to force myself to see why I shouldn't eat.

5 years later it's generally a lot different. I accept myself as I am but recognize how much more I would like it if I were thinner. This is obviously a "healthier" mindset but it's more prone to failure than the mindset I had when I was younger.

I used to look up traditional thinspo and mentally shame myself for not looking like that. Now I look up girls who are bigger than me but are still beautiful to remind myself that I'm okay as I am but I can get even better.

Anyone else had major changes in how they view themselves and/or motivators?

---

[Rant/Rave] It's nice getting to see people I haven't seen for a while and their reactions are GREAT
/u/ummyeahokay [5'5" | 118 | 19.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 24 14:45:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k58qy/its_nice_getting_to_see_people_i_havent_seen_for/
---
Home for the holidays and I'm 30lbs less than I was the last time I saw these friends. I'm at my lowest adult weight and feel great. I was complaining about being out of shape for climbing (took a break because I couldn't climb while restricting) and one said, "really? You look like you're in GREAT shape. What have you been doing? Ultra marathons?!" That felt really good. I could see they were worrying a little bit, which I don't want, but I know it'll end up getting back to an old friend that I had a falling out with a few years ago. She's always fueled my ED and I can't wait for her to hear that I'm smaller than her. Now I just have to survive my family over the next few days... 😰. Also sorry, on mobile can't flag

---

[Discussion] Disgusting binges?
/u/honeymilkhoney [5'5 | GW:101 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 24 13:46:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k4zbi/disgusting_binges/
---
Does anyone else ever get in so deep into Binge Mode that you eat disgusting things? Like I've eaten an entire tub of icing before, that I didn't even like. I've eaten plain onions with cheese melted on top!? WTF brain.

What are your awful binge foods?

---

[Rant/Rave] Merry Binge Week
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 24 13:01:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k4rvz/merry_binge_week/
---
Bye progress! Today is already lost. Yesterday was fucked too. And my grandma made rum cake and I made chex mix. Damn holidays. Lol I know I'm gonna go crazy tmrw too. Monday will be a new day. Gotta try to breathe! I'm not going to log today or tmrw. Or just put 3000 for both days.

---

[Other] to all the australians in this sub
/u/bvvvg
Created: Sat Dec 24 13:01:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k4rt0/to_all_the_australians_in_this_sub/
---
merry christmas!!!! and good luck today <3

---

lady with an ed is sitting next to me on a bus right now
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 24 12:12:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k4jgj/lady_with_an_ed_is_sitting_next_to_me_on_a_bus/
---
[removed]

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Planning on drinking an at home colonoscopy prep solution and then starting 10 day smoothie "diet".
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 24 12:03:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k4hy0/planning_on_drinking_an_at_home_colonoscopy_prep/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Anyone just not logging at all for this holiday season?
/u/fuckthislol [5'8.5 | 52.6kg | 17.37/17.12 | Not enough | F]
Created: Sat Dec 24 11:21:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k4amb/anyone_just_not_logging_at_all_for_this_holiday/
---
For the past couple months, I have been logging meticulously, but this holiday season is already going badly cause all the biscuits at work, and I just know these coming days are going to be so much worse.
Because it's all like family dinners and high af cal food, I know I won't be able keep track, so I've just pre entered 3000 cals for the next two days, but it's making me feel horrendous, and I'm still trying to keep track of how many biscuits and shit I'm eating.
So I'm just debating not logging any calories for today, Christmas, and boxing day, and just saying fuck it, I'll eat what I want, and do my best to enjoy the break. I know I'll be over anyway, so may as well enjoy eating with the fam regardless. I'm going to get back on track completely day after boxing day, and go back to super minimal restriction (dinner only cause I can't avoid it) and just try and burn these days off with restriction and a ton of long dog walks, and hopefully by a couple weeks after, I'll be back to where I was at the start of this week (wishful thinking maybe 😭😭).

Anyone else with me?

---

[Discussion] what food will be the death of you this holiday season?
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | hw: 139 | cw: 114 | gw: 95 | 19F]
Created: Sat Dec 24 08:33:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k3ib9/what_food_will_be_the_death_of_you_this_holiday/
---
I'm curious & I think hearing everyone's will make me feel better.

Mine is eggnog. fucking eggnog, holy calorie bomb.

---

[Other] I had this dream
/u/kafka__dreams
Created: Sat Dec 24 08:11:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k3f0p/i_had_this_dream/
---
And I did my usual get naked, look in the bathroom mirror thing, but in the dream I was so skinny. I looked like I was dying, I could see almost every bone, just looked straight up bonespo. And I got this weird feeling where I was just scared, I felt like I had to eat something or I would die, but eating something was out of the question, obviously. And at the same time as the fear, I was so satisfied at the sight of my ribs and that I'd finally gotten to that point. I thought it was strange a dream could capture such a strange feeling I've never really felt. I'm losing a lot lately so I guess it's not to far off.

---

How is Christmas going?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 24 07:39:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k3ah0/how_is_christmas_going/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Anxiety about dinner
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | sw 🐳 gw bones | 24F]
Created: Sat Dec 24 06:21:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k30az/anxiety_about_dinner/
---
So tonight for Christmas my family wants to go to Chinatown, this little Chinese restaurant. I used to fucking love the food, but now all I can think about is the grease and oil...
I have no idea how to count the calories, and I just KNOW if I make a big deal about not eating like I normally would someone will say something. FML.

---

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! December 24, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Dec 24 05:07:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k2s5n/stupid_questions_saturday_december_24_2016/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for December 24, 2016.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 24, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Dec 24 05:07:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k2s4w/daily_food_diary_december_24_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 24, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] Things that help to distract you
/u/RickyWicky
Created: Sat Dec 24 04:38:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k2ozr/things_that_help_to_distract_you/
---
We all know that having an eating disorder is a full time mental process. You think about food and weight all day, every day. I do, at least.

But there are a great many things I have interest in that help a buttload in keeping my mind off those times when I feel my hungriest, weak of will and depressed.

For instance, I have a very big interest in making music. I've got a bunch of guitars that I have bought over the years, and yesterday bought myself a Christmas present (sorry, everyone else in life) in the form of a bass guitar - the one type of guitar I've never had or played in the 15 years that I have been playing. So that is already revitalising my desire to make music!

Other than that I have interests in graphic design (even though graphic design is my full time job, it's something I enjoy in my leisure time as well), computer programming, writing, playing games, listening to music etc.

So what sort of hobbies do you have, that you specifically cherish as being tantamount to keeping your spirit up and that helps you to keep on truckin'?

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[Goal] I DID IT ON THE LAST DAY GUYS I AM SO ETERNALLY HAPPY
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 54.4 kg | 19.98 cuz im petty | 18 f]
Created: Sat Dec 24 03:49:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k2k5k/i_did_it_on_the_last_day_guys_i_am_so_eternally/
---
https://imgur.com/a/yKBBb

I HIT MY CHRISTMAS GW BY CHRISTMAS MORNING!!! I'D BEEN PLATEAUING SO BAD / POSSIBLY EVEN GAINED, BUT I DID IT!!!

And now i can eat some Christmas dinner without feeling too guilty <3 I can't even describe how happy I am guys. I'm gonna make myself a huge can of tea and enjoy life

Merry Christmas! I hope your day goes as wonderfully as mine <3

---

[Rant/Rave] the fucking reddit ad
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 24 02:45:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k2dzd/the_fucking_reddit_ad/
---
[deleted]

---

[Goal] Basically resigned myself to failing my prechristmas fast the second I realized I had to sit next to a vending machine for an hour, BUT GUESS WHO MADE IT GUYS
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 116 | 20.04| Lost: 44|GW:0]
Created: Sat Dec 24 02:09:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k2ach/basically_resigned_myself_to_failing_my/
---
Lmao I feel unstoppable now, candy bars are my biggest weakness. I was waiting on a friend and the only seat around was right next to a vending machine.

I planned out a few things and threw them in myfitnesspal 'just to see how bad it would be' and was totally about to go for it.


The only thing that kept me from caving was a Facebook message inviting me to a new years party once I get home. Haven't seen anyone from my hometown since I was about 160lbs and really hope to turn some heads ;). Here's to 115 by December 29th! Hope everyone is doing well today :)

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[Discussion] DAE treat themselves for Christmas?
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Sat Dec 24 01:10:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k24nt/dae_treat_themselves_for_christmas/
---
I had a cigarette this morning. I was planning to quit, but it felt like some kind of present. I also went and got the blue monster, instead of the Faxi Kondi booster I usually get. It's fifteen more calories. I also got my favorite watermelon gum.

I feel like I know Christmas will be shit, so I might as well give ED-brain a little hug in the morning. Yay for unhealthy habits!

on mobile/don't really know how to flair this

---

[Rant/Rave] Christmas is ruined?
/u/erilaz- [5'7 | CW: 173 | GW: 110 | -57lbs | F]
Created: Sat Dec 24 00:37:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k217u/christmas_is_ruined/
---
So I accepted the holiday binge and was excited to drink and have fun with family. Got a little tipsy and honestly had a great time until I got into the car with my mom, who decided to scream at me that I was instigating fights and ruining Christmas. And I'm a super sensitive person so I got the vibe that she was tossing a bunch of bitter feelings out in the open and hates me because I'm a disappointment. Idk I honestly just got really upset about it when all I did was ask to go home a little early because I have work in the morning.

But it just like. Made my desire to eat disappear and idk how that's going to go but I'm very upset and the only way to deal with it is to not eat

I hope everyone is having a better holiday season than I am ✨☺️✌️️

---

[Other] On Prozac and feeling a bit better but
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| fatty | GW 145 | -32.6lbs | 25F]
Created: Sat Dec 24 00:15:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k1ysu/on_prozac_and_feeling_a_bit_better_but/
---
Can't flair I'm on mobile:(
Is it going to take away my eating disorder?

As fucked up as that sounds, I want to have no more social anxiety or severe anxiety in general which sometimes turns into a bout of full on depression and suicidal thoughts... I want those things gone but I don't want the anorexia to go away and that terrifies me for some reason.

Has anyone else ever felt like this while on meds?

I NEED to get down to my low weight in 2017, NEED 😞

Thanks all for the support, you're all so lovely

---

[Goal] For the first time, I have eaten absolutely nothing besides water
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Fri Dec 23 22:57:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k1p89/for_the_first_time_i_have_eaten_absolutely/
---
I am proud of myself. I actually haven't lost any weight from doing this, probably because my body is trying to hold on to the fat. But nonetheless, I am still very proud of myself. Tomorrow, I'm going to try to consume 200 calories.

---

[Discussion] DAE lose weight in the wrong places? (rant/discussion)
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 23 21:42:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k1exc/dae_lose_weight_in_the_wrong_places_rantdiscussion/
---
5"3 btw, & All in the title... How do you guys feel? I personally HATE my thighs, theyre huge and bulky (19.5 in), along with my man arms (9.2). My stomach shrinks (25>inches), then my boobs (one of few things i actually like), then my face. My thighs and arms only shrink after restricting for periods of time.

I got my legs down to 18.5, and my arms to 8.7 within a month, but then i tried recovery, ate everything in sight, and ballooned right up again within two weeks. I havent been ablw to restrict this week, or next week since i live with my family, and they know, and we just keep having fatty foods in the house and i feel as if im just growing bu the second.

Were also seeing relatives in a few days and im terrified theyll think of my ED as a joke, as im not even skinny anymore.

Im also terrified exercising will make me *retain/build* muscle, since my dumbass body puts on muscle way too easily, and im eating at maintenance. (fuck me up please i hate it.)

Its also incredibly discouraging losing weight in tjr wrong places because i used to have proud, 32DDD tits and I, and everyone around me, loved them. Theyre barely a D anymore. My bras from grade 8 fit bigger, which is really pathetic.

Sorry for the word jumble, i just needed to get this out.

Anyway, how do you guys feel?

---

[Discussion] Dreams about food
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW 160 lbs | GW 150 | UGW 125 | 19f]
Created: Fri Dec 23 20:54:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k181b/dreams_about_food/
---
I've had a lot of dreams about food over the years that I still remember clearly even now. They're all kind of the same -- usually it involves a huge array of shittons of delicious food spread across a table, and I'm loading my plate with as many different things to eat as possible because I HAVE to eat everything, and the dream always ends with me being unable to eat all the foods because I have to leave or because someone else finishes it all or something and I get crazy anxious about it (like I've woken up crying from a number of these). Has anyone else ever had this? I've had so many dreams about coveting a certain food and then being unable to eat it and having HUGE anxiety about it. I don't understand.

---

[Rant/Rave] ED wins therapist dumped me
/u/vegemiteandcheesecat
Created: Fri Dec 23 20:52:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k17o3/ed_wins_therapist_dumped_me/
---
So to cap off a shitty year my therapist has dumped me after I still haven't found a job, have had my partner break up with me, my sister die, having to move back home, have my family think I'm going to die from the ED and a hospitalisation all within 4 months I'm barely keeping my head above water and that's not good enough for her so now I'm back to the only constant in my life the ED. On mobile can't flair :(

---

[Discussion] Is anyone else just letting things go until the new year?
/u/PrefixAffixSuffix
Created: Fri Dec 23 18:56:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k0r2z/is_anyone_else_just_letting_things_go_until_the/
---
I know the whole spiel of you can be achieving and working towarsds your goals any time and you don't need any arbitrary date to start, but I love the flipping over of the date, the fresh start, the feeling of all the possibilities.

And I'm kind of just intuitively eating until then.

I'm wiped out and emotionally drained from this year and from exams.

I failed my Linear Algebra III course, my relationship feels a bit strained and I miss chicken nuggets.

We'll see what happens.

I'll probably binge and hate myself, and restrict and binge again.

But I'm not being rigid, I'm not being frigid, I'm not avoiding social events to avoid food.

And I will renew my goals with more strength on January 1st.

---

[Rant/Rave] Met my ugw but don't believe it?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 23 18:32:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k0ng5/met_my_ugw_but_dont_believe_it/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Binge the tv show
/u/throwawaygayz
Created: Fri Dec 23 18:13:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k0klb/binge_the_tv_show/
---
Sorry if this has been posted before (I dont use this subreddit a lot) but this video shows the most accurate portrayal of bulimia ive yet to see. I really liked it and want other people to like it so I can talk about it lol.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aN9syJfWp8U

---

[Thinspo] Where do you go for thinspo?
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 54.4 kg | 19.98 cuz im petty | 18 f]
Created: Fri Dec 23 16:33:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k04cb/where_do_you_go_for_thinspo/
---
Another subreddit? A place irl? Youtube videos? Tell me about it, in need of something new

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[Other] Distractions. Also video games?
/u/MissMagus
Created: Fri Dec 23 16:10:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5k008p/distractions_also_video_games/
---
Quitting booze sucks. I'm so hungry. When I'm drunk I never care about food. Like...at all. Or at least not this time around. It's been a blessing and a curse. But I'm tired of being hungover, and I'm tired of embarrassing myself by buying booze at the corner store on a daily basis.

This is....day...whatever number it is...of not drinking or only having one or two drinks then cutting myself off.

It's so hardddd. I just want a drink man. And I want my fucking stomach to not feel like it's collapsing in on itself.

BUT INSTEAD OF DRINKING, I'm posting here and bitching. Also probably gonna play some Last of Us. I wanna finally finish it before the next one comes out.

I know this is probably asked often, but any gamers here? What games are you into right now? Any suggestions? :)

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[Other] To people having a tough time around Christmas.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 23 15:13:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jzqca/to_people_having_a_tough_time_around_christmas/
---
[removed]

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Topamax: How much did you lose and what MG were you on?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 23 13:53:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jzbqp/topamax_how_much_did_you_lose_and_what_mg_were/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] For Christmas baking we've used 11 sticks of butter
/u/Teasustainslife [5'2,? broke scale, -42 all together, CGW 120, UGW 106 19F]
Created: Fri Dec 23 13:32:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jz84g/for_christmas_baking_weve_used_11_sticks_of_butter/
---
Just going to share the joys of the holidays with everyone else here :), Isn't that great, A whole 8,800 calories only in butter! I'm going to gain 10 pounds in the next two days, At least I wont be 126 anymore bahaha

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else ever worry that no matter how much you restrict you're not losing weight?
/u/llamadude00
Created: Fri Dec 23 13:21:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jz63u/does_anyone_else_ever_worry_that_no_matter_how/
---
I'm averaging around 500-600 today and that's so low but for some reason I still feel like I'm not going to lose at 500-600, and I keep thinking "why not lose another 100 calories?" /:

---

[Discussion] Binge-Free Week: Day 5/6/7
/u/deanhipchester [5' | 114.2 lbs | 23.29 | -28 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Dec 23 13:16:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jz52o/bingefree_week_day_567/
---
SORRY I DISAPPEARED!

How'd you all do? I think the longest I went binge free was two days LMAO. But you know what, after a week of consistent binging it was still a pretty good outcome? ~~still lowkey crying but ignore those tears.~~

How'd you all do this week?

Calling: /u/smallsmallersmallest [+13] [+11] /u/cuts-and-cats [+5] [+3] /u/pcrnography [+7] [+5] /u/so_hangry [+3] [+3] /u/mourir01 [+4] [+4] /u/abandonearth [+1] [+1] /u/edub12345 [+4] [+2] /u/fckk [+7] [+7] /u/chrissle_ [+6] [+4] /u/runnin-n-whey [+5] [+4] /u/vinome [+1] [+1] /u/what_u_callme [+7] [+5] /u/naejnire [+2] [+2] /u/water-coffee-tea [+7] [+6] /u/daeboo [+9] [+7] /u/observingsilence [+1] [+1] /u/cocionut [+10] [+9] /u/mimidudette [+2] [+2] /u/ms_ireneadler [+9] [+7] /u/dnedna [+3] [+2] /u/capture_the_excite [+7] [+7] /u/rainbowsunshinedust [+7] /u/venetianrosequartz

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[Rant/Rave] Scared of the scale
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Fri Dec 23 12:45:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jyz6v/scared_of_the_scale/
---
I couldn't bring myself to admit it out loud, so I'm writing it down here instead. I haven't weighed myself in an entire week. I had a nightmare last night with me stepping on the scale and it said 189 (My highest weight ever). I am actually terrified of stepping on my scale. My roommate also said it wasn't accurate and it showed lower numbers, so now I'm not even sure if I weigh 121 or ever have? Anyway, just a rant, I might go to the hospital over Christmas to get a proper height/weight measurement.

---

[Rant/Rave] To all you ladies and gents with 🐳 in their CW...
/u/imelancholy [5'4" | CW: 146 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 23 12:32:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jywqt/to_all_you_ladies_and_gents_with_in_their_cw/
---
...put your real weight in there! Out of all love, I think you should put it there because it's a motivator.
I absolutely hate my CW with a dying passion, but seeing it everyday makes me want to work hard to make it go DOWN! The days I can change it to a lower number make me feel awesome. The days I have to change it to a higher one suck, but motivate me to bring it back down or down even further.
I fully believe in facing the facts, but I don't want that to sound as ruthless as it is. Personally I think that it's good to be true to yourself and to make the best out of what ya got.
Inevitably we're going to compare ourselves to each other, but in reality we're all here to support each other. We all have our own stories and struggles. But I think being open about our weights no matter what that number is helps us be comfortable.
Of course though, do what ya want! I can't tell ya what to do. I just want to be here for everyone -- me n all my 🐳-y rolls. x) <3

---

[Discussion] My coworker lost a lot of weight and kept it off, but it was with the help of pills under the supervision of a doctor. Here's what the doctor had her take.
/u/couldbefatter [5'2" | 109]
Created: Fri Dec 23 11:52:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jyp5w/my_coworker_lost_a_lot_of_weight_and_kept_it_off/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] Terrified for Christmas. How do we say no to pushy family members?
/u/myheadisalamp [5'2| 122 | 22.3| -95| 20f| UGW: 95]
Created: Fri Dec 23 11:38:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jymi1/terrified_for_christmas_how_do_we_say_no_to_pushy/
---
It's been a week since I last B/P'd. Went to the store and bought two pints of ice cream and a gingerbread house. Threw most of it up. The head pain is only now starting to go away.

Tomorrow, I'm going to be put in an environment where I'm surrounded by deep fried food. I'm going to be pressured into eating X and Y food.

I can estimate calories fairly well. I keep a mental calculation but If I go over, I know what's going to happen.

I've only been a bulimic for a few months but I can't think as clearly anymore. My body hurts. I remember writhing in pain. My brain is fucked. Everything is fucked. The worst part is, I'm a fucking failure of a bulimic. Most people lose weight with this disease, I fucking gained weight lmao. I can't even purge right.

I don't want to throw up. I don't want to keep hurting.

---

[Discussion] Dear r/proed, what are your new years resolutions?
/u/daeboo [5ft1/78lbs]
Created: Fri Dec 23 10:47:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jycjq/dear_rproed_what_are_your_new_years_resolutions/
---
Food and non food related ;)

Mine include quitting rice, bread and cookies forever. Working out twice a week. Buying a nice planner from Indigo and staying on top of my shit. And last but not least, being a less shitty person, because I'm a right bitch to everyone and lately I've been losing sleep over it.

---

[Discussion] What I know about this sub:
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 23 10:31:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jy9b2/what_i_know_about_this_sub/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE have a different body in their dreams
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Fri Dec 23 10:06:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jy4cz/dae_have_a_different_body_in_their_dreams/
---
Last night in my dream my body was so perfect. I was wearing a red bikini, I was like 5 foot 10, and I was so thin, I wish I looked like that irl.
Does anyone else have dreams like that?

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Exercising, but not losing?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 23 09:43:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jy003/exercising_but_not_losing/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] How do I find help?
/u/jekyllcorvus
Created: Fri Dec 23 08:45:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jxoyv/how_do_i_find_help/
---
28 M, ED for 13 years. Binge everything. I tried to tell my parents when I was in my teens but they weren't supportive, in denial and either would ignore me or tell me it wasnt their fault.

Ive lived with partners and I know they know but its untalked about. My
trip to the bathroom" right after dinner is glaringly obvious.

I have no insurance and very little spending money. does anyone has suggestions as to what I should do?

---

[Rant/Rave] Lexapro + klonopin = I'm afraid to eat/rant
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 23 08:11:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jxiz1/lexapro_klonopin_im_afraid_to_eatrant/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] I don't trust the calories on the back of nutritional labels so I add 50 calories to everything just to be safe. Anyone else?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 23 07:52:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jxfv0/i_dont_trust_the_calories_on_the_back_of/
---
I'll even add 50 calories when I drink a Diet Pepsi or black coffee. I know it is neurotic but I just don't trust those labels. Anyone else do this?

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[Help] Insomnia and Midnight Snacking
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 23 07:43:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jxeeu/insomnia_and_midnight_snacking/
---
I've been struggling with insomnia so much lately and I hate it. I usually fall asleep around 10:00-11:30pm unless I'm out partying on weekends. But lately even if I'm exhausted I can't sleep until 1:00-2:00am and by then I get so fed up (pun not intended) that I inevitably have a small snack in bed. 🍫🍪🍞

It's driving me nuts bc I can feel my sleep schedule getting fucked up and I can't fix it. Plus, since I'm snacking I wake up bloated. 😫DAE have this issue, how did you fix it?

---

[Discussion] Fasting until Christmas dinner, anyone else?
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 116 | 20.04| Lost: 44|GW:0]
Created: Fri Dec 23 05:42:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jwwwj/fasting_until_christmas_dinner_anyone_else/
---
[removed]

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! December 23, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Dec 23 05:10:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jwt2x/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for December 23, 2016.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

**Rules**

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host.

Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, inspiration behind your OOTD (trying to look thin or cover up weightloss, etc.)!

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 23, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Dec 23 05:10:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jwt2j/daily_food_diary_december_23_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 23, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate myself.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 22 22:49:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jvjem/i_hate_myself/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] i'm done with this.
/u/Im_A_Whale_AMA [5'3.5" | 115.8 | 20.6 | ugw: a coffin | just restarted | nb]
Created: Thu Dec 22 21:31:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jv7j8/im_done_with_this/
---
i'm done with giving up every day, whether it's at 12pm or 12am. i'm tired of being too terrified to step on the scale. i'm tired of eating then rebaking the christmas cookies that i made for a party. this has been my last two months, and i don't want to be sitting here a year from now, a hundred pounds heavier and feeling the same way.

i start winter break in 31 minutes, officially, and i'm not going to waste a damn minute of it stuffing my face with food.

---

Do you ever like the feeling of starting?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 22 21:08:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jv3zt/do_you_ever_like_the_feeling_of_starting/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] I told myself that I won't eat this whole day but..
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Thu Dec 22 20:44:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jv07o/i_told_myself_that_i_wont_eat_this_whole_day_but/
---
Around 6:30 pm, I came home and saw that somebody brought cookies. I couldn't resist the temptation and ate. Once I started eating, it was hard for me to stop. I don't even know how many cookies I take. Probably five altogether as well as a bagel with light butter and fat free cream cheese, vanilla yogurt, and this pork meat thing. I can't control my eating the way I was able to before. My motivation in life has been going down and it makes me feel like a lazy, good for nothing, weak individual. So I decided to punish myself by throwing up. And tomorrow, I'm not going to eat anything. It's my punishment for not being able to get through it today when I said I will. Then maybe, I will think more before giving into my temptation next time.

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[Help] Business trip with coworkers for a whole week out of state. Please help
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 22 20:24:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jux4v/business_trip_with_coworkers_for_a_whole_week_out/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Gym Clothes are loose & I haven't worn them in a month +
/u/possiblycurious [5'5"| 141| -9lbs| F]
Created: Thu Dec 22 18:25:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5juds6/gym_clothes_are_loose_i_havent_worn_them_in_a/
---
I've been slacking on the gym so bad. Nursing school has sucked everything from me.

Now on break, I thought eh why the hell not. I also haven't been restricting as much.

My shorts & shirt were a lot looser!! I noticed my jeans getting loose- but I thought "Oh those are just jeans". I'm super surprised & excited.

---

[Rant/Rave] Feeling miserable after a week of binging
/u/shceli
Created: Thu Dec 22 17:49:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ju7ko/feeling_miserable_after_a_week_of_binging/
---
I've been good for months but ever since Sunday I've been on this non stop binge ride. I just finished one and my stomach is in pain. I ate an entire box of mac and cheese, a big thing of froyo, some rice cakes and hazelnuts. I've been eating 3-4000 calories every day and I'm scared to get on the scale.

I'm just feeling guilty, embarrassed, and angry at myself and needed to vent a little. I want to change but am not entirely sure how. I've read self-help books but they haven't been super helpful. I'm considering downloading a hypnosis audio thing on my phone - has anyone tried that and thoughts?

---

[Rant/Rave] Super excited for my 16 hour flight
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 112 | 20.4 | -56| GW: 105| 20.48]
Created: Thu Dec 22 17:06:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jtzxu/super_excited_for_my_16_hour_flight/
---
Im flying to a different country to visit my father (who I havent seen in 2 years, I am so excited!!), and it is a 16 hour non-stop flight. Apart from the fact that knowing I am going to see him is really really motivating me to not eat (he has always been very critical of my body and I am a terrible person who feeds off of external validation), I am super excited because it is basically the best excuse in the world to fast. I have to be at the airport around noon, so I am thinking I will eat a few eggs for breakfast and from then onwards just fast until I land. Gonna pack loads of tea bags and an emergency quest bar in my carry on and I should be sorted! :D

Sidenote, I am planning on taking a few Benadryl to try and fall asleep, has anyone else tried this/ know of anything else that might work better?

---

[Rant/Rave] Urghhhh the festive period
/u/ResurrectionOfMarion
Created: Thu Dec 22 16:18:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jtrfn/urghhhh_the_festive_period/
---
Haven't eaten a bite in like 2 weeks, been working 13 hour shifts most days and also going to circuits 3 times a week, at my lowest weight and on feeling motivated and on track and actually in control for once, but HERE COMES FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!! This time next week I will probably be at whale size again.

---

[Discussion] Is there a discord group?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 22 15:29:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jtidw/is_there_a_discord_group/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] [help] Lexapro and bloating
/u/EmpireStateBitch [5'4" | CW 120 | GW 115 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 22 15:08:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jtedu/help_lexapro_and_bloating/
---
On mobile, can't flair.

Just got prescribed lexapro for my depression and anxiety. Anyone else on this, and did you experience any weight gain at all? Either fat or water. I'll be keeping the same diet, but since I fight I can't gain any weight, because my weight has to be certain numbers.

---

[Help] Out of control binging
/u/crumpet9 [5'3" | gw: nothing | 20F]
Created: Thu Dec 22 14:37:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jt8ck/out_of_control_binging/
---
I cannot stop binging. I was super excited to come home for the holidays and to restrict but since I've been here I've been on an almost non stop binge. Even this morning when I felt disgusting after looking at myself in the mirror I still managed to eat two tamales, pesto by the spoonful, 5 babybel's, and a pint of ice cream. I'm not even fucking hungry. I forgot how my family causes me to binge. It doesn't help being around my older sister who is 5'2 and 95 pounds soaking wet, and she eats 100x worse than I do. I know unhealthy diet =/= overeating but man it feels like shit seeing her eat an entire family size bag of Taki's everyday, plus meals and lose weight. Yesterday we were talking about weight (because she's lost some) and I asked her how much she thought I weighed. She said 127ish. I'm 111. Ouch. I know she's just ignorant to how weight looks, but still. It set me off. I'm just so incredibly disappointed in myself, and I don't know what to do. I've also had emotional distress this week, and that just makes me binge more as well. And being home alone all day with nothing to do and nowhere to go causes me to eat. I just want to not eat but I'm so fucking weak I can't stop. :(

---

[Rant/Rave] Post-surgery frustrations?
/u/PersonaThief [5' 2.5" | 140.8 lbs | 26.2 BMI | -33.2 lbs | Male | 23]
Created: Thu Dec 22 14:26:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jt63p/postsurgery_frustrations/
---
Okay, so, 4 months ago, I had major surgery. They removed some stuff, including a LARGE amount of fat (~4.2 liters?), shifted some stuff around, then it all healed up. (It wasn't actually for weight-loss purposes, that just...was a perk.)

Here's the thing. I should've lost AT LEAST 10 lbs from everything that they removed. That's a LOW estimate. Much closer would be more likely around 15 lbs, actually.

I went into that procedure weighing between 145 lbs and 150 lbs. Shortly before then, I'd actually been 135 lbs -- but binging, dehydration and shit made me pop back up.

So it's 4 months later, right? Before even holiday bullshit, swelling is VISIBLY down, and I step on the scale. I now weigh somewhere between 142-145 lbs.

I'm kinda really fuckin' frustrated. Not-helped by the fact that I keep seeing my SUPER fucking skinny-ass aunt for the holidays, who literally weighs less than 80 lbs because she's dying *(STOP IT, BRAIN. YOU DON'T WANT THAT.)* and my absolute best friend in the world who probably has an eating disorder she won't acknowledge (because it's too "Valley Girl Stereotype," and she refuses to "fit" it). My best-friend being an inch or two shorter than I am, and now just over 100 lbs (because, usually, she just kinda avoids food), despite eating over twice what everyone around her now is. She just continues to lose weight, which is frustrating and concerning, and somehow I can't help but be jealous.

So she turns to me during lunch yesterday, and looks kinda concerned? She tells me my face looks WAY skinnier than it used to. I didn't really have a clue what to say, because even in comparing myself to old photos, I'm just not seein' it. So I just "reassured" her that I was still quite overweight and over 140 lbs, even after the swelling from surgery went down and shit. She's pretty convinced I'm holding onto MAJOR water-weight, like...10-15+ lbs of it, but I'm not even entirely sure that's possible, nor am I necessarily convinced.

EUGH.

---

[Help] I've never been the type to destroy public property, but I don't know what else to do.
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | 158 |26.8| -37 | F |]
Created: Thu Dec 22 14:24:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jt5nb/ive_never_been_the_type_to_destroy_public/
---
I know this sounds so so bad but I've really been on a roll lately and finally feel like I'm leaving my binging phase and really settling into more restriction. However, my dorm just got a vending machine that accepts cards. I normally dont keep coins on me so I wont think to use vending machines, but now that it accepts cards I'm afraid I might cave. I really just want to block up the card slot or something. It would still have the coin option if anyone wanted to use it. Our halls don't have security cams so I wouldn't get caught. Should I do it? I know this sounds silly but this is my situation rn

---

[Discussion] Weird Post-Binge Symptoms
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 22 14:02:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jt12q/weird_postbinge_symptoms/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT] FUCKING CHRISTMAS PARTY FAAAAILLLLUUURRE
/u/apiirr [6" | 218 | 30 | -70lbs | male/21]
Created: Thu Dec 22 12:48:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jslo7/rant_fucking_christmas_party_faaaailllluuurre/
---
Oh my god I binged so hard at my office christmas party. Im dying. I ate a bunch of meatballs and three samosas. At least 1000 callories worth of bullshit. I ran to the bathroom and then purged as much as I could. Kill me.

Then I ate more meatballs. I want to die. Thankfully nobody walked into the bathroom when I was purging.

---

[Discussion] Silly little successes
/u/RickyWicky
Created: Thu Dec 22 12:40:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jsk3a/silly_little_successes/
---
What are some little things that gradually make you happy? God knows we're a group that's low on happiness in general, so I find myself enjoying each little milestone, each little success.

Like this:

Some of my pants are now too big to wear without falling down, so I have no choice anymore but to wear a belt until I purchase new pants that fit better. Some button up shirts I can now take off without having to undo a single button, let alone all of them. I can stand to look at myself a little more when I go shower, or when I look in the mirror.

Things like that. It's probably weird, but I'm having a pretty positive experience, when I think about it. No one around me knows about my ED, and I want to really really keep it that way, because they will freak out and fuck with my progress. But other than that, I am very pleases with my progress in just under two weeks.

I will eventually build up the courage to buy a scale, but I'm just not there yet...

So what are some little things that make you proud of yourself and make you feel "successful"?

---

[Discussion] C&S reassurance and clearing up some “digestion begins in the mouth” misinformation...
/u/_FrauWelt_
Created: Thu Dec 22 11:59:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jsb8v/cs_reassurance_and_clearing_up_some_digestion/
---
I just wanted to share some info on this, because I keep seeing misinformation about chewing and spitting (and, relatedly, “digestion that begins in the mouth” during regular purging) and I wanted to clear it up.

Full disclaimer before I start: Chewing and spitting food has serious downsides. It sucks, and you can get addicted to it, as with any ED behavior. BUT, you absolutely do not absorb half the calories, or one-third of the calories, or any sizable amount of the calories of food you spit (assuming you don’t accidentally swallow big gobs of it).

Yes, “digestion begins in the mouth”—but only in the sense of breaking down food. Most calories come from fat, protein, or carbs; I’m going to talk about carbs because (a) I favor carby foods for C&S “binges,” (b) the short-term effect of absorbed carbs on the body is measurable, and (c) I haven’t found any research on oral mucosal absorption of fat or protein.

[From the abstract of a paper on the absorption of glucose through oral mucosa](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/691147): “Instant glucose appears to be of therapeutic value only if swallowed by fully conscious, hypoglycemic patients.” The study showed that oral administration of glucose was basically ineffective if the solution wasn’t swallowed. (The American Red Cross recommends against this practice as a treatment for hypoglycemia because of that unreliability.)

This isn’t empirical, peer-reviewed research, but I’m diabetic and a very frequent C&Ser, and I often track blood sugars before and after C&S binges, so I figured I’d show you guys that my experience conforms to this.

Here’s my tracking around a “binge” today:

* Pre-C&S: blood sugar = 116 mg/dl; insulin dosage to cover 36g of carbs
* Food: beet salad (36g carbs); cherry cheese danish (54g carbs); full packet of mini frosted chocolate donuts (2 servings; 68g carbs total)
* Post-C&S (1 hour after eating): blood sugar = 114 mg/dl (it actually went down a bit after that)

If I had absorbed even a third of those extra carbs, my blood sugar would’ve skyrocketed. For perspective, the last time I drank soda without doing insulin (because I mistakenly thought it was diet), my blood sugar shot up over 400 mg/dl, well outside of normal range.

I know that people here are paranoid about food, so there’s sort of a “thinlogic” effect, but don’t freak out about getting fat from C&S. Some people do gain weight while engaging in C&S, but I believe it’s because either their cravings get worse (leading to real eating), they chew so much food that the negligible amount they absorb adds up, their stomach is better at digesting/absorbing calories eaten (because it kicks into action once you start chewing; I have no empirical proof of this, though), or they accidentally swallow a lot more than they think (e.g., because they’re eating greasy food and the oil is easy to swallow).

Just wanted to help. I'm a longtime lurker who's avoided making posts on my regular account and finally created a fake account!

---

[Discussion] Anyone else prefer diet-pepsi?
/u/emllik_slp
Created: Thu Dec 22 11:51:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5js9eo/anyone_else_prefer_dietpepsi/
---
I don't understand the coca-cola meme. Diet-Pepsi tastes better to me, doesn't taste as "weird-aspartame" and feels ... better on my taste buds? Idk how to explain it.

What's your favorite diet drinks?

---

[Help] Why is restricting at night so hard?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 22 10:23:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jrr2w/why_is_restricting_at_night_so_hard/
---
I can go until 8 pm with nothing but water just fine...but once it gets a little late I find it really hard to not eat all 800 calories I usually allow myself. Does anyone else experience this? What can I do to avoid stuffing my face at night?

---

[Rant/Rave] My dad just told me my eating disorder was my fault
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Thu Dec 22 10:17:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jrpzi/my_dad_just_told_me_my_eating_disorder_was_my/
---
Yeah, that's right.

I *chose* this. How fucking dare I pull the family apart? How fucking dare I stand up for myself, instead of acting like a fucking puppet? How fucking *dare I* talk back to the woman who started this hell, who kickstarted my eating disorder, who put me into this world knowing her own and her past generations history with eating disorders? No. It's Christmas and I need to be fucking nice, fuck what I feel. I just need to keep speaking with this fucking narcissist and slowly stroke her fucking ego, because otherwise she goes to dad and bitches about her hard life. She didn't give a shit until I was skinny.

Fuck you, mom. I fucking hate you. I fucking hate you for pouring fuel into my eating disorder. I fucking hate you for taking me all those places I didn't want to be, because I needed to be fucking nice. I'm fucking sick of you expecting my love, because you don't even deserve to fucking breathe, you entitled little bitch.

You put a child on this earth, because you expected it to be easy, nevermind all your fucking baggage. You wrote a script about my life and as soon as I started to divert, you flipped. And the worst part is, everyone is buying your fucking bullshit. You don't love me. Your life is not fucking hard. You've got Dad taking care of literally everything, while you sit on your obese ass eating cookies, while complaining about everything.

I'm sorry I'm not you. I'm sorry my fucking worth isn't determined by how much cock I can fit up. I'm sorry I don't want to live your boring life.

Fuck you.

On mobile/just give it the rant/rave flair

---

[Rant/Rave] My therapist is fucking amazing
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Thu Dec 22 09:11:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jrcqp/my_therapist_is_fucking_amazing/
---
She accepts all my food fears. She's okay with me not eating with other people. One time, she brought me to a vegan place, so I could pick out low-calorie treats and bring home.

Today, we went to a candy store and I bought sugarfree candy. It had like twenty-five different flavors of sugarfree candy, oh my god you guys, it was dreamy.

I mentioned cinnamon rolls being one of my fear(and favorite) foods and she suggested we could attempt to make fake cinnamon rolls with toast, Stevia and cinnamon!

Damn, I love it when people get me. Even if they're paid to do so.

On mobile/can't flair

---

[Discussion] DAE have a 'binge-box'
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Thu Dec 22 08:59:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jra99/dae_have_a_bingebox/
---
Whenever I get treats, I stuff them into a bag in my closet. I cannot go into that bag. I cannot eat anything in that bag. It's like there's this incredible mental barrier stopping me.

In some way, my 'binge-box' is the best thing ever, because it has no limitations. If I find something limited edition, I throw a small portion in there. Heck, I threw my fucking cigarettes in there and now I don't smoke any longer.

I have all this food close to me, but I've just decided not to touch it. I don't even feel that 'in control' it's more like the food stops existing, once it goes in there.

On mobile/can't flair

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[Help] Quiet workouts?
/u/mikey-way [5'2 | 115.6 | 21.90| -15 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 22 08:34:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jr5rf/quiet_workouts/
---
I'm hiding in the bathroom during lunch break and free period. What are some quiet, simple exercises I can do? I've done around 150 jumping jacks so far, just preparing since we're getting pastries in French and I'm not about to gain back the weight I've lost.

On mobile, can't flair.

---

[Discussion] Losing on measurements but not weight?
/u/Teasustainslife [5'2,? broke scale, -42 all together, CGW 120, UGW 106 19F]
Created: Thu Dec 22 07:51:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jqxo0/losing_on_measurements_but_not_weight/
---
I know you all are probably tired of hearing about my plateau, Been 11 days now it's driving me up the wall. Today I decided to see where I was with measurements and saw I have a solidly 25" waist, Which usually happens on the lower end of 120 for me not 126. Does that mean my plateau is water weight or something and not that I'm not losing fat? I took laxative and it did nothing(Don't ask me how I could have a week of back up and only lose .2). I really wish it would sort itself out, I'd even take 125 again at this point.

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[Rant/Rave] I've gained 10 pounds since Saturday
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | GW:115 | -16 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 22 07:51:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jqxkb/ive_gained_10_pounds_since_saturday/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] On Treat Days and Oh No It's THAT Food!
/u/RtB107
Created: Thu Dec 22 07:34:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jqulx/on_treat_days_and_oh_no_its_that_food/
---
Hey, everyone! Hope you're well. Two things crossed my mind today, and I was wondering how you guys feel about them.

Number one is... *drumroll* TREAT DAYS! A new pizza place has opened in town, and I'm eligible for a free pizza. I want that pizza. Soooooo I'm making room for it. Just for a day. 😉 I feel a little bad about it, but man, I WANT THE PIZZA.

Secondly, does anyone have *that* food/dessert that you just, like, have to avoid at all costs? Nan's brought down the chocolate trifle I haven't seen in AGES, and I swear the Jaws theme played in my head when she took it out of her shopping bag, hahaha. So tempting, man. BUT NO.

EDIT: Sorry, can't flair! On the mobular.

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[Help] I need to get back on track
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 22 06:26:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jqjy4/i_need_to_get_back_on_track/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Every time I eat, I miss feeling hungry
/u/So_hangry
Created: Thu Dec 22 05:53:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jqf2j/every_time_i_eat_i_miss_feeling_hungry/
---
Feeling full makes me feel weak.

Eating makes me feel like I've lost power and control.

It makes me feel pathetic, I feel full and disgusting

I will fast until Christmas.

I will only drink water until Christmas

I will get so drunk on christmas I will throw up my christmas binge.

I can do this.

I AM STRONG ENOUGH.

I WILL STOP FEELING FULL.

I WILL BE PROUD OF THE HUNGER.

I WILL STOP BEING DISGUSTING.

---

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support December 22, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Dec 22 05:07:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jq8sh/weekly_emotional_support_december_22_2016/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 22, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Dec 22 05:06:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jq8s1/daily_food_diary_december_22_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 22, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

Missing summer at the pool and working out. A small album.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 22 04:45:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jq640/missing_summer_at_the_pool_and_working_out_a/
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https://imgur.com/gallery/Pa0La

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[Help] Xmas Vacay
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 22 04:35:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jq4y0/xmas_vacay/
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My entire family is going on a tropical vacation for the holidays and I am terrified to be in a swimsuit. it has been consuming my mind. i am hoping to enjoy the trip and not obsess over it. any tips?

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[Rant/Rave] The bulk continues..
/u/smokesanddietcokes [Everybody's Fool]
Created: Thu Dec 22 03:56:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jq0aj/the_bulk_continues/
---
I havn't restricted for almost two weeks now. I've eaten a surplus nearly every day.

Every time I start to feel anxious, I list the reasons this will be beneficial in my head. This is working better and better, and it's getting easier to stave off the anxiety. "I may gain fat, but.." and then reminding myself of the killer workouts I am managing right now with the intense routine my PT has given me over Xmas (focused on hypertrophy), how filling up on healthy foods will stop me eventually binging out on holiday foods, reminding myself of the benefits of 'diet breaks', being able to more efficiently burn fat with extra muscle. Stronger, fitter, eventually more toned and shapely... everything I've *actually* wanted, wanted more than to just be skinny. At least when ED-brain isn't taking over.

Only problem is that the ultimate reason for me feeling okay about this, I've noticed, is "I can go back to restricting soon, to cut the fat" and feeling way too excited and enthusiastic at the thought of shedding bodyweight again and not eating to do that. Going back to the usual routine, feeling hungry, feeling dizzy. Why am I looking forward to it so much? It's sick. Sigh. So I'm basically keeping my head above water a few weeks, I know it will crumble eventually. When the holidays are over, and especially when my current routine is over and my PT switches it up, it's very likely I'm going to be a lot less stable. Infact, I'm pretty sure a major, *major* freakout over fat gain is destined to happen. .... I'm almost looking forward to that too. Like, in my mind, a freakout will give me extra motivation. Fucksake. Sick.

But for now, I'm holding up. I'm also thinking a bit more clearly, and am using this time to plan a cutting diet that is hopefully a little healthier than what I was previously doing... promising myself to at least get some healthy fat in my diet, and carbs on gym days even when restricting... but truthfully, I know I may slip back into heavy restriction when I start. Even now, maybe now more than ever, I know these thoughts and urges to fast/restrict arn't just going to go away. I just gotta hope some of my muscle mass survives. I'm gonna be going so damn heavy on the protein, heh.. there wont be a lot to survive to begin with, which such a short 'bulk'. But I hope this at least nourishes my body..

My face is puffy and chubby as hell though. My whole body is. I know a lot will be water retention, bloat, and maybe even swelling from heavier workouts in the gym.. but I'm still having to avoid looking in the mirror unless I REALLY have to. And when I REALLY have to, it has to be just a glance. I'm still body checking with touch, I just can't quit that no matter how hard I try, making sure my collar bones are still there mainly. Pinching the fat I think I can feel forming over them.. to me, my hip bones have utterly disappeared under the flab... but still holding up, reminding myself of the benefits of doing this right now. Poking my muscles and telling myself 'I'm doing it for them', haha. Reminding myself that it can be over soon, if it gets too much, it can be over whenever..

Plus side, I wore a form fitting outfit to a Christmas gathering the other day, even thought I was puffy, bloated, chubby.. and someone still commented that he thinks I should make a New Years resolution to gain a stone, that it looks like I really need it. Unnecessary body comments and thin shaming? Sure. But at that moment, I liked being 'thin shamed'. Right now, that's extra reassurance that it's okay for me to eat/bulk.

Got a bunch of acne though now. I never, ever get pimples but I have some terrible ones on my face right now, multiple. FML.

I feel like these are lost days... neither here nor there.

---

[Rant/Rave] Help, I feel so depressed right now
/u/-MySecretAccount- [5'4" | 110 | 19.05 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 22 03:12:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jpv78/help_i_feel_so_depressed_right_now/
---
I feel like I can't control anything in my life. I just binged, and I mean like binged binged, it was about 4000-5000 kcal of just cakes and cookies. I feel sick both physically and mentally.

And I can't even make myself throw up, I have literally no gag reflex. I tried drinking salt water, but it isn't really working I'm afraid.
What should I do? I am so hopeless, I don't know how to both fast, get enough protein for the day and workout in the gym hard. I fucked up so badly I can't think straight. :(

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[Other] just binged but
/u/bvvvg
Created: Thu Dec 22 02:32:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jpqiq/just_binged_but/
---
i know my throat couldn't take purging. my stomach probably couldn't take it either. so im just forcing myself to sit with it. i feel absolutely fucking disgusting - but maybe that's what i need. before when i would just throw it up there was no real dealing with the consequences. im probably just overthinking to distract myself, haha

---

[Discussion] Can you have BED if you're underweight?
/u/notsure5016
Created: Thu Dec 22 02:02:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jpn3y/can_you_have_bed_if_youre_underweight/
---
I didn't want to post this on the BED sub in case I offend anyone. I'm 5'2" and 90 pounds. I've never counted calories or anything but I'm a long distance runner and kind of naturally like this I guess? I know I'm underweight, but I don't have anorexia or bulimia. Anyway like eight months ago I started having days once a week where I just can't control myself and eat a ton of food. I counted once and it's like 6000 calories. I feel very guilty after, but I don't throw up or take laxatives. The rest of the days I eat normally. I exercise but that's because I do anyway, not to get rid of the food. My weight has stayed the same. I'm not asking for a diagnosis but I wonder what people's thoughts are on this? I was reading online that people with anorexia sometimes turn to BED but can someone just have BED and be underweight without first being anorexic or bulimic? Again I don't want a diagnosis. I'm asking because I don't see this talked about much. Sorry if I offend anyone.

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[Other] Oh my God guys I found juice that isn't as many calories as a fucking meal I'm gonna die of happiness
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Wed Dec 21 23:45:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jp6sj/oh_my_god_guys_i_found_juice_that_isnt_as_many/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/112fcf9f968248d8ab7d37ae02092b5e?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=28ee9e1775f5d82c02afb38d72c61688

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[Help] dating - going out to dinner
/u/light_hollow_space [5'4 | CW: 141 | BMI 24 | -54 | F | GW: 115 | LW: 99 | SW: 195]
Created: Wed Dec 21 23:14:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jp2ky/dating_going_out_to_dinner/
---
Let's say you're on a 2nd date. How have you dealt with dinner dates? Handling ordering/eating in front of the person without them suspecting an ED or something bizarre about me. I can save up all my calories so I can eat 'normally' but I want to order the healthiest most low cal/fat things and just wonder what to say if I'm questioned about it. I just finally got my weight into the 140's today and I'm not going to let anything stop me from achieving my goal according to my timetable. That means NO GAINS ALLOWED. So, I am sticking to 500 - 1000 cal/day depending on the day.

Already had two seltzer-shot of gins last time when we were at a tiki bar (I looked like such a party pooper but I srsly was NOT going to order one of their calorie bombs. He didn't say anything but I def felt weird about it). Honestly I couldn't even believe he wanted to see me again, I felt so awkward the whole time!

Also, I don't want to tell him I lost weight recently and I'm working on losing more, bc I don't want him to know I was ever fat! Eventually in a couple months he might notice I'm the incredible shrinking woman but I have literally no faith in him ever wanting to see me again after our future date. I don't know if you can tell, but I have really great self-esteem.

Anyone have stories or can relate? I need to know I'm not alone with this. Thanks, you all are lovely.

---

[Rant/Rave] I regret telling my boyfriend about my ED.
/u/salamanderqueen [5'9.5"| CW: 139.4 | SW: 180 | GW: 125 | -40 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 21 22:24:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jov4t/i_regret_telling_my_boyfriend_about_my_ed/
---
I told him a few weeks ago, and now every time I mention something about my eating (or lack thereof), I feel incredibly guilty. For example, tonight I told him that I wanted to start seeing a therapist, but not necessarily just for my eating issues. Which started a conversation about how I don't want to change my habits right now. He asked to change the topic because he "didn't want to start a fight", and then told me that his job interview tomorrow was more important for him to worry about right now. Which I understand! He has a million more important things to worry about instead of whether or not I ate that day. I feel terrible for stressing him out, and for frustrating him. I think I'm just not going to talk to him about it anymore. I don't want to worry him anymore.

(also some of this may make him sound like an asshole but I promise he's not. He's the sweetest and most caring person I know, he just has a lot going on right now)

---

[Rant/Rave] I just tried to purge for the first time
/u/cinamintoast [5'7" | 171 | 26.69 | -99lb | F]
Created: Wed Dec 21 22:19:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jouck/i_just_tried_to_purge_for_the_first_time/
---
I was planning to fast today but then there was all of this food in the break room at work for our holiday potluck and I had some. I didn't even eat that much, but I couldn't stand the feeling of having that food I didn't plan to eat inside me and I felt a strong urge to get rid of it so I went to the restroom to try to make myself throw up. And I could barely get anything out.

I can't even do that right.

---

[Help] PLEASE: Help Keep Me On Track & Motivated
/u/emotionallystrenuous
Created: Wed Dec 21 21:12:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jok00/please_help_keep_me_on_track_motivated/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend just (jokingly) called me fat?
/u/aggressivedoughnut
Created: Wed Dec 21 21:04:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5joisb/boyfriend_just_jokingly_called_me_fat/
---
We were at Target picking up some household items and I was looking for Pop Corners (this amazing baked corn chip that tastes exactly like kettle corn, but crunchier). I mentioned that there were many nights I ate the entire bag without telling him over messenger. He replies "No wonder". He sees my face fall immediately and said that he was joking and that I shouldn't hurt myself by taking it seriously.

Really? I think that every joke has an ounce of truth in it and that he called me fat through a joke. My appetite completely went away (planned to have some boba) so at least there's that?

---

[Intro] hello everyone
/u/secretsmallbean [5'6 | 106 | 17.18 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 21 19:18:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jo1an/hello_everyone/
---
I have lurked this subreddit for a long time and have finally decided to make a throwaway to use on here. I don't really have much to say, just thought I would say hello and that this is a really lovely, supportive community! :)

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[Rant/Rave] Stressing about office luncheon tomorrow
/u/MeraxesPestis [5'2" | 216.4 lbs | 39.58 | -73.6 lbs | GQ]
Created: Wed Dec 21 18:35:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jnu0k/stressing_about_office_luncheon_tomorrow/
---
So the Christmas holidays at my work are apparently a big deal, especially when it comes to food. Every day this week everyone has brought in baked goods or casseroles, but I've been water-fasting since Thanksgiving (probably super-unhealthy but it's working; I have 1 more lb to lose to get to 200 and I'm hoping to do so before Christmas). I've managed to not eat anything--didn't even lick frosting off my fingers while baking 4 batches of cookies for work, and being Muslim has made it pretty easy to make up excuses as to why I'm not eating. No one in this area (it's super Christian, and quite conservative) has any idea what Muslim dietary rules are, or our fasting days, so it's easy to be like "Sorry, can't eat that, it's not halal," even when it is. I'm also trying out veganism, something I've wanted to do for a very long time, and so I made sure to use animal products when baking so I wouldn't want to eat.

But tomorrow my boss is taking everyone to lunch at a sports bar--weird that we're going to a bar and the last time we went there I got a lot of stares because of my hijab but OK. The thing is a) there are NO vegetarian options, b) obviously at a bar nothing is going to be zabihah, let alone halal, c) I'm fasting here.

I couldn't not order something today (we had to order early because there's 20 of us) so I went with the safest, seemingly most healthy option, seafood-stuffed mushrooms. Depending on the type of seafood it may or may not be halal, but if I remove the stuffing then it's just mushrooms and that's halal and vegan. The thing is even just ORDERING food made me have a panic attack today. I have no idea how I'm going to get through tomorrow.

Realistically I know that a couple mushrooms, stuffed or not, is not going to keep my from getting to 200 before Christmas (I have no idea why I chose that date but did and for some reason am really pushing for it; it's a goal for the sake of having a goal, I suppose). Realistically I know it's ok to eat in front of other people and folks are not going to be judging me about the fact that for once I'm putting food in my body. Realistically I know it's a fairly healthy choice, all things considered, and is not going to end in a binge.

But I'm terrified. And there's no one I can go to IRL to be like, "Hey, I don't want to eat tomorrow but can't figure out how to get out of it." So I'm stressing and panicking and feel like throwing up and it's gross and I hate how my brain is making me feel right now and just needed to get that out.

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[Help] Anyone who bikes - does biking make your legs bulkier looking?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 21 18:17:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jnqrk/anyone_who_bikes_does_biking_make_your_legs/
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[deleted]

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[Help] [help]1st new therapist appointment
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Wed Dec 21 18:14:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jnq7u/help1st_new_therapist_appointment/
---
Have you been in therapy for **anything** in life? Please tell me about it. Ed or not related...

I've been on a posting spree because I'm hypomanic and getting by as well as I can...

I admitted I need help and made a therapist appointment at the same location as my psychiatrist office. I am planning on talking about my frequent anxiety attacks in their many forms, mood swings, and all things bi-polar...

But do I tell them I want to weigh 110.25 lbs because it's equal to 50kg. I am 5'7" and currently 135-140lbs. Will telling her change her focus off my coping with bi polar? It's purely cosmetic/aesthetic that i want to lose weight. I've been working really hard at binge eating less than once a week to avoid qualifying for any specific disorder.

I saw a therapist for 3 sessions in Feb because of life and I just thought she was a feminazi who praised the power of womanhood and drive me crazy. I couldn't take her seriously.

Edit: he to her

---

[Intro] An introduction
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 158 | 23.0 | GW 130 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 21 18:01:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jnny4/an_introduction/
---
Hi, I'm negative_delta, and I'm terrible at writing but I think I should say hello. I've been a perfectionist my whole life and a depressed perfectionist since high school. I've been 5'9" since I was 14 years old and I remember staring at photos of me with my 5'0" friends and feeling huge. Bloated. Oversized. Enormous. Like I was zoomed in compared to everyone else, all my imperfections crystal clear. That was around the time I got serious about swimming, too, so the daily ritual of donning a form-fitting Speedo didn't help.


Back in the day, I think I had heard of terms like "eating disorder" but never really understood them. My mom packed me lunches and every day I'd throw them out, or pick out the apple slices and discard the rest. I wasn't a very social kid anyways so it gave me an excuse to hang out in the library all day. This went on for about a year, and I remember how happy I was watching the number on the scale keep dropping. Senior year brought college applications, though, and IB tests and questions of whether I'd swim in college, and with that came depression. I'd come home from school and halfheartedly do my homework so that I could sleep and eat for the next six hours before going to bed for real. I ballooned.


This set the pattern for the rest of my relationship with my body, up to and including now. The depression comes in cycles, and when it gets bad, I binge. 3000, maybe 3500 calories per day. Even as an athlete, that's disastrous. As soon as I start getting my depression managed better, I'm horrified at myself, and I correct by restricting. That's where I am now, and I'm already ten pounds down from the worst. I still have a long way to go (a *long* way) but if I can just keep everything under control I know I'll get there.

---

[Intro] 20 Years of This Cycle
/u/Cultural_slave [66 in | 147.6 | 23.8 | 0 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 21 16:23:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jn5xy/20_years_of_this_cycle/
---
Hey everyone,

I just wanted to introduce myself. I have been lurking for awhile and joined Reddit just for proED. I have been through hell with this disorder for a long time. I am married, have a daughter, and have my dream career in the healthcare field and am currently in grad school working on the next level up in that career.

I have struggled with disordered eating for a long time. Usually I am constantly in a cycle of binge/restrict/binge/restrict never actually losing any weight. I have also struggled with bulimia in the past but have thankfully not purged regularly in years.

From the outside I think someone might say I have the "perfect" life between my family and my career but I feel absolutely miserable because I am so uncomfortable with my body. I haven't lost all the weight I gained from my pregnancy and have been so busy numbing myself with binging that I am at a weight now that absolutely disgusts me.

I want to get to know everyone here, have a place to vent about a topic that no one else in my life could understand, and maybe provide my support to others in any way I can. I'm thankful this community exists.

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[Rant/Rave] Suddenly anxious about Christmas and New years
/u/Teasustainslife [5'2,? broke scale, -42 all together, CGW 120, UGW 106 19F]
Created: Wed Dec 21 15:53:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jn060/suddenly_anxious_about_christmas_and_new_years/
---
It really wasn't bothering me, Until my mom started talking about what all we're eating for it. So many high calorie things! I'm already on edge because of plateauing and I'm not completely over my illness yet. I started crying and yelling because my dad wanted store bought bread and I felt slighted like MY bread wasn't good enough for him. When really he just wants to make it easier, But I'm so proud of my bread I hated he even suggested it.

It's not even just Christmas either, It's until New years she has planned out so many special meals and desserts because of family being home for an extra 9 days. We're eating pizza AND eclairs on the same damn day? We NEVER have desserts on normal nights

On the bright side I'm getting a new blender for Christmas, That's pretty exciting. I don't know if I can get away with only eating smoothies until January though haha

I know I'll survive, but right now I just feel like the world is against me doing something I want.

---

[Discussion] Silver linings to having an ED
/u/GingerrWithASoul [5'6 | 126.4 | 20.48 | Female]
Created: Wed Dec 21 15:19:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jmtiz/silver_linings_to_having_an_ed/
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I've been consciously making an effort to find the silver lining in my disordered eating. I find that I tend to hate myself for having eating issues and that self hatred perpetuates my ED thinking. So when I catch myself obsessing negatively, often directly after binging, I try to find some good in myself and my behaviours.

Today my silver lining is that I binged so hard on chocolate that I don't need to take my calcium supplement tonight.

Still working on preventing or minimizing my damaging behaviours in the first place but trying to practice self love when I'm unsuccessful.

Also, side note, I find it funny in a not-funny way that when I'm restricting I don't hate myself as much and I don't need to look for silver linings then. I wish I could always feel as strong and powerful as I do when I'm restricting.

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[Other] Food for today ❤
/u/CassTheUltimateBA [5'10 | 163 | 23.4 | 47 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 21 15:12:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jms4r/food_for_today/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/2da6d5d36858479d84fe6c3274a4c8e4?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=3eca8ff808b48ec02d5cf989ffaaaa66

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[Rant/Rave] What is wrong with me
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | GW:115 | -16 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 21 15:04:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jmqjf/what_is_wrong_with_me/
---
I know christmas is in a few days. I know I'll be seeing family that I don't want to and haven't seen in months. I want to be thin for them and I've worked so haed.

I worked so hard that I thought I deserved a break. I've gained 8 pounds in 4 days. I feel bloated and disgusting. I took a laxative and I keep drinking water. But it's only making me feel *more* bloated and disgusting.

None of that is enough to get me *not* to drink wine spritzers tonight. Even though I know the calories. Even though I've fasted all day and think it would be OK to drink my calories tonight. And yesterday. And the day before. It's not enough to get me to fast totally so that I look extra thin. It was enough for 4 months but now, 4 days before Christmas, I'm messing everything up. *Whyyyyyy*

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[Help] My parents think I have an eating 'disorder'; they're monitoring my eating a lot and now I'm putting on weight that I worked so hard to lose. I now even eat without thinking about it. What do I do?
/u/StalinsRevenge
Created: Wed Dec 21 14:20:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jmhnj/my_parents_think_i_have_an_eating_disorder_theyre/
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[removed]

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[Other] A photo I snapped real quick while at a small get together; I liked how my legs looked in the mirror.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 21 13:44:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jmabs/a_photo_i_snapped_real_quick_while_at_a_small_get/
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https://imgur.com/a/zI2oM

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[Rant/Rave] Wanted to fast for 72 hours
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 21 13:13:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jm41k/wanted_to_fast_for_72_hours/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Favorite calorie counting app?
/u/quittingfood
Created: Wed Dec 21 13:04:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jm241/favorite_calorie_counting_app/
---
I'm looking for an app to use and wondering which one y'all like the best?

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[Rant/Rave] My stomach hates me right now. Hell, I hate me right now.
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 107.8 | BMI:21 l GW 90| -36.2 l F]
Created: Wed Dec 21 11:47:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jlm7x/my_stomach_hates_me_right_now_hell_i_hate_me/
---
Last night after feeling weak and dizzy all day and frustrated with other stuff, i binged. on fucking cool whip of all things. Well, I usually only eat like 18g of fat a day and that stuff is like entirely fat... I don't think my stomachs hurt this bad since I had the stomach flu. Fasting today and until I stop being pissed at myself for doing this. Who knows, maybe I'll finally be able to shit now though. UGH.

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[Other] Look up any celebrity and see how much they weigh. I use this literally every day.
/u/ooo5936 [5'6" | 128lbs | 20.47 | GW: <114 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Wed Dec 21 11:23:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jlh2y/look_up_any_celebrity_and_see_how_much_they_weigh/
---
http://healthyceleb.com/category/statistics/

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[Rant/Rave] I work in an ice cream shop and it is torture
/u/ramargo
Created: Wed Dec 21 11:05:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jld7h/i_work_in_an_ice_cream_shop_and_it_is_torture/
---
Luckily I am not stuck here every day because my boss owns three different businesses in the same area that I bounce around in, but the days that I work ice cream are absolute hell. Business is extremely slow right now, with less than 10 transactions in an 8 hour shift so I am stuck alone with heaps and heaps of ice cream all day. In the past I have gotten through by chewing and spitting if the cravings became too much, but it's so disgusting and I hate it, the coffee cups full of regurgitated ice cream sludge. Wish me luck today. I have tons of veggies, a couple diet cokes and I'll get coffee but I am going to have to be strong. The b/p monster wants to eat cups and cups of it and throw it up but I can't let it win. I've lost 3.5 pounds despite a couple slip ups this week and I can't give up this momentum I have.

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[Rant/Rave] Holy shit, I hate food
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Wed Dec 21 10:17:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jl3dl/holy_shit_i_hate_food/
---
Like, I want to eat. But I also don't. I also really don't. I'm hungry, but I don't want to be hungry today. IDK. Calories need to chill the fuck out and stop being everywhere.

Do you ever get this thing where you're hungry, but you don't feel like being hungry today, so you just get an energy drink?

Like, why does food have to be so complicated. 90 percent of my anger and issues are food. It's like that one ex-partner that follows you around everywhere, you don't wanna cut ties but you also want them to fuck off and then you have constant mental breakdowns and fuck a little bit with them, and then you swear to yourself never to fuck with them again, but then they show up at your workplace and you're like :/

I don't know what the point of this post was, but thanks for reading.

On mobile/can't flair

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[Intro] A small introduction
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 21 10:16:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jl324/a_small_introduction/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT] I don't know what to do...
/u/EatMyInsides [156cm | CW:48.6kg | 0BMI: 21.00 | Weight Lost: 0.8]
Created: Wed Dec 21 09:21:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jkrq7/rant_i_dont_know_what_to_do/
---
I've lost all motivation to lose weight. Nothing helps and I've actually gained weight because of this. I don't feel better about my body or anything, I hate it so much. But like I said, I've lost all motivation to keep going. It's like I don't even care at all anymore.

I'm sorry, I just needed to rant a little about this. It's been bothering me for about a month now.

---

[Other] I need to do a brain dump, if that's alright
/u/ethereal-sea-nymph [5'3 | CW 109 | GW: idek | Female]
Created: Wed Dec 21 09:12:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jkptr/i_need_to_do_a_brain_dump_if_thats_alright/
---
Hi there. I've been lurking for a while, but this is my first real post. The community seems so wonderful and supportive and I really just need to get some things out to people who might understand.

First off- I woke up this morning at my all time lowest weight since I was a preteen (I'm currently 28 years old). I weigh 108 lbs. I'm stunned honestly. I want to feel happy about it, but I don't feel like I can feel happy about anything. I have two small children and I am terrified of passing my habits and issues to them. Already they weigh themselves. They are only ages 2 & 4. They are trying to weigh more, but it has really upset my husband. In fact my weight loss itself is really upsetting him, as it should. I am not okay... Mentally, emotionally, physically...

I feel so drained taking care of my boys that I feel like I can't take care of myself. I consciously stopped eating. It feels like the only thing that I have somewhat an ounce of control over. My older son is a handful, to say the least, and he's become more and more intense. I cry daily. I'm already on medications for anxiety and for depression, but I know from my past that when I am not okay that is when my eating disorder comes back strongest. I am trying to disappear.

My husband wants me to eat more, of course, but I don't want to. He knows about my problems and he's scared. But I feel like this is the only thing that I have left, the only thing I can do right. I don't want to stop. Especially now that I've achieved so much.

I know I have body dysmorphia. Being pregnant twice only made it worse. When I was pregnant the first time I ballooned up to 180 pounds. I mentioned before that I'm at my lowest weight now, but my body is not the same. And of course it wouldn't be, it grew two babies! But it's so hard to love it again. I'm saggy, I'm wrinkly, my breasts are just hanging skin. I feel like my body belongs to a grandma.

I know that I should change my habits- for my husband, for my children, but I'm not ready. And I'm scared. The only reason I was able to recover before was because I'd accidentally gotten pregnant. It was a good excuse and I needed it. But now I don't have anything like that. I'm not growing a baby that I need to nourish. And I don't want to do that again for a while, I can hardly handle two children as it is.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for existing. I truly believe that you are all lovely. I only wish I could extend that love to myself.

---

[Discussion] Something that blew my mind...
/u/TessTobias [5'6" | 127.7 | 20.6 | -22]
Created: Wed Dec 21 09:03:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jknt5/something_that_blew_my_mind/
---
I was reading a thread about some fitness band that goes around your waist and measures your breathing (I'm not going to link anything here or mention anybody's username because I don't want trolls to find us) and one of the users said this:

>So metabolism and rmr can be measured in a lab by capturing all output CO2 from your body over a span of time. Because that's how we lose weight-- we actually breathe the fat out (once we break it down).

What the freaking *what?* That was all the motivation I needed to want to do more cardio. We breathe it out? What? Nobody argued with him so I guess it's true.

Also, and this is only mildly related- when I worked in fast food in high school I was always afraid I would breathe calories in when they had me on the fryers. Anybody else ever afraid of that?

---

[Intro] HELLO! My own little story...
/u/imelancholy [5'4" | CW: 146 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 21 08:18:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jkf4g/hello_my_own_little_story/
---
Hi all. I thought I'd post an intro on this sub. I've been a short term lurker but I'd honestly like to get more active in posting. This'll probably end up just being a near-journal entry. .___.!
I've been bulimic for about a year now starting Thanksgiving week last year. I haven't necessarily purged every day since then but I'd say the number of times I have purged has equated to such which is sad for me to think about. I didn't get anywhere with weight loss from purging from then until the beginning of the summer. If anything I hit my highest weight and I was feeling extra disgusting and stressed from college. Summer hit and I actually began working out regularly, but also...purging, skipping meals, and smoking cigarettes. A weird combo. I lost 15lb+/- and I'm at the lowest weight I've been. I note 2016 was simultaneously the healthiest and unhealthiest year of my life to date. I cheated.
Even though I'm at my lowest I still feel (and am) fat and overweight. One reason why this sub makes me extra nervous is because all of you ladies have crazy awesome stats. My dream is to be at 120 for a 5'4" body with UGW 115 and some of you are there, and I am absolutely green with envy. I wake up every morning disgusting by my rolls.
I thought that I really fell for a guy this semester. The first guy to commit to me and actually be nice and caring and call me beautiful without the intent of getting in my pants even though I fully knew I was overweight and that wasn't super attractive for him (everyone is ultimately attracted to fit, not sausagey people...). If anything that made it more meaningful and motivated me to actually be fit. But he wasn't ready for a relationship (which he expressed and so I was aware) and he broke up with me for that reason. I'm not mad. He has his personal development to go through. I'm just hurt and I miss him and he was one of very few people who know about my eating disorder and the week I told him was the week he broke up with me (two days after in fact) and so I'm been in a downward spiral of making the mistake of confessing something so dark about me to him. That's a lot of pressure on someone. But now I'm just thinking poorly of myself in every way because of how the short lived relationship ended.
I'm going to see a therapist for the first time ever next Tuesday and I'm really excited. I want to love myself in every way which will ultimately get me to being physically fit and comfortable. But at the same time I just want to rush it and cheat and shed pounds like I've never shed before and just be happy in my own skin. I want to be the weight I lied about on my license. I want to look in the mirror and be confident. I have such shitty hope for myself in doing it the "right way" and can only see myself being successful by being bulimic/anorexic because that's clearly how I did it this summer.
Ugh this is all so ugly and messy. Shit is crazy. There's my story in a nutshell. Nice to meet all you lovely people. <3

---

When should I start a fast?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 21 08:18:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jkey8/when_should_i_start_a_fast/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [RaNT] My personal hell. I had to sit in an empty office with baked goods for three hours yesterday.
/u/apiirr [6" | 218 | 30 | -70lbs | male/21]
Created: Wed Dec 21 07:45:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jk8tk/rant_my_personal_hell_i_had_to_sit_in_an_empty/
---
Like the title says, I had to sit in my basically empty office with a plate full of muffins, donuts, banana breads, and cookies. Baked goods, especially carbs, are my #1 personal binge-inducer. I actually change my route to work to avoid the donut stores on the way to work because I'd go in for a black coffee and walk out with a half dozen donuts, then i'd have to purge, and purging bread is fucking hell, and then I smell bad for work ETC.


Anyways, Yeah. my coworker thought she was being super sweet putting the plate there, but I fucking ate NOTHING. I sat there, doing my work, for the longest time, until it was time to leave. I flipped off the plate on the way out.

---

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday December 21, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Dec 21 05:09:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jjl1x/way_to_go_wednesday_december_21_2016/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for December 21, 2016.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 21, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Dec 21 05:09:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jjl1b/daily_food_diary_december_21_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 21, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] The more depressed I am, the more weight I lose
/u/Damaryu [5'2 |CW: 104lb|GW: 97lb|Female]
Created: Wed Dec 21 04:12:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jjdxs/the_more_depressed_i_am_the_more_weight_i_lose/
---
I've had depression for years but I've been especially miserable for the past month or so, I've stopped going out with my friends, stopped going out altogether pretty much. I haven't left my house in 4 days. I sleep during the day and I get hardly any exercise. It varies but I've probably eaten about 500-800 calories a day for the past month. I hardly ever get hungry or even think about food anymore. I never have any food in the house simply because I can't be bothered to walk to the shop.

I'd stopped caring until yesterday when I stepped on the scale for the first time in 2 weeks and felt kind of...happy? Even though I've managed to achieve basically nothing this whole month I feel like at least I have this.

My weight's always fluctuated a bit but I've gone from 114lbs at my highest to 104lb now. I'm 19 and 5'2. My BMI is 19.

I'm not sure if I like it or not. Most of the things I hate about my body are still there, my tree trunk limbs, cankles, slight double chin, fat face. And a lot of the things I like are gone too. My butt is now kinda flat, whereas before it was like my only redeeming feature. I would constantly get comments on it, now it's just average, though in comparison to my waist it looks good I suppose. I also look shapeless now, before I kind of felt like I had a decent waist to hip ratio. And my tiny tits are even tinier.

Buuut I have a thigh gap, my arms aren't as weirdly fat, my stomach is completely flat now and my love handles are gone. I've gone from a UK size 8 to 6. (US 4 to 2) I feel small and light instead of gross and bloated. My head is fuzzy. There's a sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach. Oh well.

I will always feel ugly. I will never have the body I want. So far nobody's commented on it, maybe when I go home for Christmas they will.

I think I'm going to try and get under 100lbs just for the sake of achieving something.

Anyone else feel like they lose more weight when they've begun to give up on life altogether?

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[Other] Wish me luck
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | sw 🐳 gw bones | 24F]
Created: Wed Dec 21 04:04:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jjcz4/wish_me_luck/
---
My boyfriend's going out of town for a week. I've got a new kickboxing DVD and tons of vegetables. I want him to drop his pants as soon as he sees me. No more binging for me!

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[Help] Feeling conflicted, confused, and directionless.
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 112 | 20.4 | -56| GW: 105| 20.48]
Created: Wed Dec 21 02:10:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jizg4/feeling_conflicted_confused_and_directionless/
---
Its been a hell of a month for me. there were 2 months where I went from high 800-1000 restriction to eating about 500 everyday (not much around here, but a big jump for me), and at the time I had no motivation to binge or eat or anything. It was just, effortless.
This last week and a half I have 'binged' (in quotations bc It was under 2000 and I don't want to invalidate peoples real binging experiences) around 3 times and its getting harder to rationalize restriction. I am not done losing weight and I am not happy with my body but something seems to have shifted and I am not happy about it. Today was my last final, and I started off pretty good but it kind of unravelled into a day long snack/binge fast that probably added up to 2500ish at least by the end of the day. The weird thing is I'm not upset? not anxious, not having a panic attack. nothing. and that scares me. I am about to visit my dad for a month and I am so worried that this is going to carry on and I will just binge the whole break. I really want to lose around 10 lbs in the next six weeks, which is super feasible but not if this pattern carries on.

I am not sure weather to reattempt low restriction or just shoot for a little higher and healthy and embrace the lack of anxiety but I just feel so lost and conflicted and would really appreciate any words of wisdom or encouragement you all may have.

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[Rant/Rave] Sugar is evil
/u/greyhoundpaws
Created: Wed Dec 21 01:39:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jivzk/sugar_is_evil/
---
So I've been doing keto for 2 months. Was like a miracle cure for me, no binging, no purging, lost some weight without much effort. Decided to go off for 2 weeks over the holidays so I can participate in all the traditional eating and drinking festivities.

Today is my first day on carbs. Thought I would have changed my mindset and would not have a problem just eating til I'm full. Yeah right. Binged on samosas and chocolate and now feel like I should purge because I'm definitely going to get fat now. I already feel sick but am also thinking about finding more chocolate to eat. Gotta make the most out of the purge I guess.

Looks like I'm going back on keto permanently in January. Fuck this bulimia bullshit.

---

[Help] does the TDEE account for water/waste weight?
/u/katerinavlaas
Created: Tue Dec 20 23:07:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jicis/does_the_tdee_account_for_waterwaste_weight/
---
I ate 3000 calories yesterday and I weighed 2 pounds heavier this morning. I know its water weight and waste weight bc I hadn't had a BM and had drank like 4+ litres the previous day. I weighed in the afternoon and I was one pound down but also know I still have food in my stomach.

If you use the TDEE spread do you minus two or one pound so it doesn't assume it's real weight? I never have BM's in the morning so I've been wondering if it's skewing my TDEE...

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[Rant/Rave] Stopped a binge!
/u/eQuoise12 [5'6 | CW 121 | GW 115 | UGW 110 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 20 22:29:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ji6nf/stopped_a_binge/
---
I got a chocolate bar from a friend as a Christmas mini gift. It was really nice of her, but I'm so weak when it comes to sweets, ESPECIALLY chocolate. (I'm a chocoholic.) I had already eaten two squares, and I could feel myself fall into "binge-mode". I was imagining the taste and texture as I stuffed it into my mouth. I was prepared to stuff the entire bar.
HOWEVER! I was able to take myself out of the "binge-mode", and proceeded to throw the rest away. I felt slightly guilty that I was throwing away food, but when it came down to it, I'd much rather have the chocolate in the trashcan than on my waistline as part of a binge food.
That's ~800 calories saved!

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[Rant/Rave] Your own physical characteristics as triggers?
/u/requiemforatardis [5'6.5| CW: 119 GW: 95 | all flubber | LW: 102.5 | 23Agender]
Created: Tue Dec 20 20:18:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jhp32/your_own_physical_characteristics_as_triggers/
---
When I look at myself, it is for hours and kinda traumatic. It is its own inspiration. Physically, my body it so fucked up.
I have tiny fucking eyes. I look at my face, and it's all expanse and ugly and empty. The only thing I can do is shrink the rest of my body so they look normal.

---

[Help] [Help] Blood when throwing up...
/u/imelancholy [5'4" | CW: 146 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 20 19:09:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jhddf/help_blood_when_throwing_up/
---
Hi all... not seeing medical diagnosis although I know this is NOT a good sign. It's not deathly I don't think (no pain at least) so I'm not *that* worried.
I've been bulimic for about a year now and for the first time today I started bleeding out of my *nose*. I've thrown up spots of blood out of my mouth with saliva but I've never had a vessel pop in my nose in almost a picked-your-nose-too-hard nose bleed fashion. I stopped purging immediately and the bleeding itself stopped.
I'm sure it's from the physical strain of purging but I'm wondering if I will be okay...or if it's permanent...will it heal? Or do I have to seriously stop purging...I will note today for some reason was a particularly strained purge (I did it twice).
Sorry to sound flustered. Thank you.

---

[Help] Had anyone successfully quit drinking as an alcoholic here?
/u/ratpoisonfurdinner
Created: Tue Dec 20 18:48:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jh9p6/had_anyone_successfully_quit_drinking_as_an/
---
I'm struggling and don't know where to post this but I need support.

I was thinking about posting in /r/depression or /r/stop drinking, but I think this might fit here because the main reason I want to quit drinking is because I'm so tired of being fat and consuming all these liquor calories.

I've been physically addicted to alcohol for over 2 years, and I've had a myriad of other issues too, including depression, binge eating, bulimia, and other addictions.

I'm onIy on my first drink atm, as I've been sleeping on the couch all day avoiding booze and food. So sorry if this post is nonsense. But I'm looking for people who've done it, just some hope maybe. I'm tired of being a fat, ugly drunk.

---

[Rant/Rave] I am not hungry
/u/shattered_self [5'8" | 113 | 17 | 25M]
Created: Tue Dec 20 18:27:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jh639/i_am_not_hungry/
---
I am hungry. I am successful. I am strong. I am passionate. I am satisfied. I am happy. I am healthy. I am warm. I am compassionate. I am present. I am hungry.
No.
I am not hungry. I am not successful, I am too distracted to do well at work. I am not strong, my body is weak and boyish. I am not passionate, starving has made me numb and dull. I am not satisfied, nothing is ever good enough for me. I am not happy, anxiety permeates my life. I am not healthy, doctors say I am too thin. I am not compassionate, this has made me selfish and mean. I am not present, my mind is always somewhere else. I am not hungry. I am not hungry. I am not hungry.

---

[Discussion] Has anyone else gotten really good at eyeing servings?
/u/Teasustainslife [5'2,124.6! -42 all together, CGW 120, UGW 106 19F]
Created: Tue Dec 20 17:29:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jgvx3/has_anyone_else_gotten_really_good_at_eyeing/
---
Tonight I was pouring out a cup of milk for my chai tea, Not really caring because I'm not exactly counting today but I decided to pour it into a measuring cup to see how close I was, And I poured EXACTLY a cup, 8 ounces, without trying. I also know how to grab a 1/4th cup of shredded cheese without measuring and know how to eyeball a TBS almost exactly too. It's a useful skill for flying under the radar haha.

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[Other] Clothes Shopping
/u/Demeter404 [5'3" | 138.0lbs | BMI: 24.4 | -22lbs | F]
Created: Tue Dec 20 17:24:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jguto/clothes_shopping/
---
So, I haven't budged from 140-137lbs in MONTHS. (cycling through binging and restricting) And today I went clothes shopping. I purposely got some that were too small and some that I couldn't even get on. I'm hoping this will prevent more binging but maybe I'm delusional.

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[Rant/Rave] Having a great day, had to get blood drawn at the dr's office, good day turned to bad day. :(
/u/llamadude00
Created: Tue Dec 20 17:13:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jgsuq/having_a_great_day_had_to_get_blood_drawn_at_the/
---
I was at 500 calories and planning to stay there for the rest of the day, then I got blood drawn at the doctors and had what they called a vasovagal response. They had me drink a orange juice (super sugary) and a granola bar with icing on it. Ok, 250 more calories down the drain. I come home, I have to eat a ham and cheese sandwich with chips and 2 bowls of captain crunch. Life sucks, why did I have to faint :/

---

[Goal] Binge Free Week: Day Four
/u/deanhipchester [5' | 114.2 lbs | 23.29 | -28 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Dec 20 16:52:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jgp1i/binge_free_week_day_four/
---
Alright, whaddup guys?! My winter break has officially begun ~~and it started with a bang and a 4000(?)cal binge!~~ So I binged yesterday but no biggie! It just means that I'm starting over today and have a goal of remaining under 800 cals. How did you all do? And do you have any plans/goals for the rest of the week?

Calling: /u/smallsmallersmallest [+11] /u/cuts-and-cats [+3] /u/pcrnography [+5] /u/so_hangry [+3] /u/mourir01 [+4] /u/abandonearth [+1] /u/edub12345 [+2] /u/fckk [+7] /u/chrissle_ [+4] /u/runnin-n-whey [+4] /u/vinome [+1] /u/what_u_callme [+5] /u/naejnire [+2] /u/water-coffee-tea [+6] /u/daeboo [+7] /u/observingsilence [+1] /u/cocionut [+9] /u/mimidudette [+2] /u/ms_ireneadler [+7] /u/dnedna [+2] /u/capture_the_excite [+7] /u/rainbowsunshinedust /u/venetianrosequartz

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[Other] Guys like me now and I don't know how to feel about that
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Tue Dec 20 16:48:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jgo8c/guys_like_me_now_and_i_dont_know_how_to_feel/
---
When I was overweight or high-normal or even a bloody normal BMI nobody cared about me. I was just an invisible fat girl. However, somewhere around a BMI of 19, everything changed.

Guys begun complimenting me, people started worrying about me, I think there's even a few that have actual crushes on me. I'm really happy about the attention, but it kinda makes me think. I don't want people to be around me because I 'look good' even if it's subconscious. I want people to be around me because I'm a good person or something like that. IDK.

Oh well, jokes on them, I'm infertile and lesbian.

On mobile/can't flair.

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[Other] I had the weirdest dream last night
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 20 16:48:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jgo6d/i_had_the_weirdest_dream_last_night/
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I'm sorry I posted a bit ago but omg. I had a dream I got sent to a rehab center! It's probably influenced by the e-books I've been reading lol I LOVE the list. but anyway i got sent to rehab a few years ago after a jail situation not related to ED and it was an awful experience. I wound up running away (south thinks forcing religion on people makes everything go away) and going back to jail and then got out soon after but holy shit. It was a nightmare to wake up and be disoriented and think it happened again. I want to get better but that just kind of reminded me of how horrible inpatient and rehab is. I just can't believe I had a dream about it. And in the dream my boyfriend was miraculously enormous so that's just confusing as hell. Lmao.

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[Other] Gum
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 20 16:20:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jgiyt/gum/
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[deleted]

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[Intro] First time posting. Allow me to introduce myself..
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 20 15:30:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jg8xg/first_time_posting_allow_me_to_introduce_myself/
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[deleted]

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[Help] How many calories are burned?
/u/newportshorty [5'9 | CW:180 | -40]
Created: Tue Dec 20 14:16:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jftwc/how_many_calories_are_burned/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Dealing with hunger after exercise?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 20 14:06:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jfrpd/dealing_with_hunger_after_exercise/
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[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Winter & thinspo album
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 20 13:39:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jflxo/winter_thinspo_album/
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http://imgur.com/a/tahod

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[Help] [TMI] Uh how to deal with...
/u/apiirr [6" | 218 | 30 | -70lbs | male/21]
Created: Tue Dec 20 11:18:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jesdp/tmi_uh_how_to_deal_with/
---
Constipation? I've been restricting very heavily the last few weeks with only one instance of binging being last night. Lately I've been finding it harder to go to the bathroom than perhaps it should be. What to do? I usually am very bulimic (puking up nearly everything I eat) but I'm trying to restrict rather than binge/purge, lately. I don't want to buy laxatives or anything because I'd need to hide them from family and also I'm literally broke.

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Videos like this have been helping me a lot with my binge temptations lately.... [TW fat acceptance stuff]
/u/apiirr [6" | 218 | 30 | -70lbs | male/21]
Created: Tue Dec 20 11:04:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jepdu/videos_like_this_have_been_helping_me_a_lot_with/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOVhLziWwCA

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[Rant/Rave] Water retention maybe?
/u/Miss_Embie [5'6" | Urgh Food]
Created: Tue Dec 20 10:50:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jemaf/water_retention_maybe/
---
I had an operation on the 8th Dec, I'm now 6 pounds heavier now than I was before I had the operation!! I haven't even eaten more than my normal, I was hoping to actually weigh a lot less by Christmas so I could have a proper dinner for once. :(

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[Rant/Rave] My parents bought a treadmill
/u/apricaught [5'3.5"| CW 118 | 20.70| -16| F]
Created: Tue Dec 20 10:08:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jedlj/my_parents_bought_a_treadmill/
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Score!! But running on hard surfaces (and in general) makes my shins and knees hurt. Do you think I'd accomplish enough just walking on max incline? Added bonus of being home: don't have to eat till dinner and since my parents are somewhat calorie unaware I can get away with making things that are low cal(they are both mildly overweight and might even thank me)

I'm so excited but also terrified that I'll fuck this opportunity up. 4 weeks to get to 112 from 119. Let's do this.

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[Rant/Rave] Today will be good.
/u/MissMagus
Created: Tue Dec 20 09:18:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5je30v/today_will_be_good/
---
Today is a self care day. I've posted a few times this week in states of depression and desperation about my drinking and how I can't keep food down. I woke up today again, hungover af with that nasty taste in my mouth cause all I had yesterday was 6 budlights.

I also weighed myself again. After two years of struggling with alcohol and depression, I FINALLY got back down to a weight that I can work with. Still not where I want to be, but if I want to get there I NEED to stop drinking every fucking day. If I'm going to shove any calories in my body, they need to be good ones. Not booze.

Two years ago I was 115 pounds and even though I wasn't 100% happy with myself, I wasn't super ashamed. I'm a tshirt and jeans person, so any insecurities I did have were easily covered. Then I lost my fucking job, which was my LIFE. I devoted everything to that fucking place. I went from 115 to 155 in like...4 months? Maybe less? I binged hard and drank every day. When I woke up? Beer. Dinner? Beer. Snacks? Some fucking pasta and beer cause I was too drunk and lazy to shop and cook so I just made myself ramen. It was horrid. I used to be so healthy....I didnt even drink much before i lost my job. I'm a stoner, man. I don't usually fuck with booze. I still struggled with ED, but it was at least controlled. I knew how much I needed to eat to build the muscle I so desperately wanted. I was responsible, and energetic, and I ate so so so clean. I was "at my peak" if you will....haha.

Weight wise....I'm almost there again. Mentally, I have such a long way to go. I miss doing yoga in the mornings and hitting the gym at night, and actually being able to sit and eat dinner with my roommates. I WAS IN CONTROL. Not my fucking disordered eating, not alcohol...ME.

I'm done hurting myself. I'm ready to be happy again. Thank you all so much for your support the past few days. It's the inspiration I needed to get my shit together. You're all wonderful, beautiful people and we all deserve happiness. I'm like, crying typing this out. Seriously. Reading your stories and posting here when things get rough is the only thing that kept me afloat this week. Thank you.

Today's going to be fucking taco tuesday, and im going to cook a feast for all 6 people in my household right now, and I'm NOT going to drink, and I WILL eat a taco salad with my friends, without guilt, cause I won't be having any booze to fuck up my calories for the day. I can do this.

TODAY WILL BE GOOD. FINALLY.

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[Discussion] Does a binge/high calorie day once a week actually help?
/u/Teasustainslife [5'2,124.6! -42 all together, CGW 120, UGW 106 19F]
Created: Tue Dec 20 08:57:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jdyoq/does_a_bingehigh_calorie_day_once_a_week_actually/
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Since I'm stuck in the middle of yet another plateau(Still 126 for your information) I was thinking back to when I lost the majority of my weight. I ate 600-900 everyday except usually a day or two on the weekends where the family would cook a full 3 meals or go out to eat and I would be expected to eat normally(Or I'd binge, Because food).

I have since gotten out of the weekend feasts, Back when I first encountered the 120s plateau I also wasn't having the high calorie weekends either. So maybe I was doing something right by having 600-900 and then a few days of 1500-2000? I know it probably averages out to 1200-ish anyway, But is the act of limiting then excess more the secret?(Kind of like that diet where you eat 500 then maintenance?)

Looking back over my records the week I broke my 130 plateau and lost 4-5 pounds I had one day of 1600 then every other day 800-1000

Does anyone else have experience with this? I'm aiming for maintenance today to see if it does anything.

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[Discussion] If you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your disorder(ed eating), what would it be?
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | F]
Created: Tue Dec 20 08:32:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jdtzu/if_you_could_only_wear_one_outfit_for_the_rest_of/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jdtzu/if_you_could_only_wear_one_outfit_for_the_rest_of/

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[Tip] PSA: Funerals can cost $7,000 or more. If you want life insurance, buy it at least two years before you die, or preferably even sooner.
/u/tealhill
Created: Tue Dec 20 08:31:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jdtri/psa_funerals_can_cost_7000_or_more_if_you_want/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Does anyone here vape? (E-cigarettes)
/u/RickyWicky
Created: Tue Dec 20 07:14:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jdgbk/does_anyone_here_vape_ecigarettes/
---
I used to smoke about a pack a day 7 months ago, but then I switched over to electronic cigarettes for my nicotine delivery and I haven't looked back. My stamina has increased dramatically and I just generally feel better. My mouth doesn't taste like an ashtray anymore, the yellowing of my fingers is gone, and there's no more mess.

The added benefit is that you can quite easily satisfy your craving for sweet things. I've never really been a huge sweet tooth, but now that I'm so conscious of what I eat, I find vaping to be a tasty means of satisfying any potential sweet tooth I may have had.

Chocolate cake, cheesecake, fruits and whatever else that would otherwise just go straight to your waistline can now just be vaped! Whenever I feel really hungry, I just vape it away.

So, are there any others here who partake and have stories or experiences to share?

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[Help] How do you not let Christmas ruin EVERYTHING
/u/runnin-n-whey [5'4.5 | 116.8 | 19.92| -20 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 20 07:03:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jdebv/how_do_you_not_let_christmas_ruin_everything/
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I need some words of advice or some kind of pep talk I can give myself.

I am one of those people that restricts like a champ but bring me to a Christmas party and I'm sitting in the corner stuffing cookies down my throat 🙃

Basically did that on Saturday. Even purging as much as I could didn't put a dent in the weight I gained.

I just don't know how to not ruin a years worth of progress in the matter of two weeks like I did last year (Christmas season led to about a 20lb weight gain)

I've already told my best friends I couldn't go to friendmas dinner tonight because last years friendmas was one of the worst binges of my life. I'm going to help them prep the turkey then I'm "going to a thing with my mom"

TL;DR Christmas season is hell on earth for people with b/p tendencies. How do you not let one or two bad days ruin everything

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A December 20, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Dec 20 05:08:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jcxm4/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_december_20_2016/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 20, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Dec 20 05:08:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jcxkv/daily_food_diary_december_20_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 20, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Other] ED "art" Dec 20 pt2
/u/kinaadman [5'1" | SW 210 | CW 110 | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 20 04:54:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jcvrm/ed_art_dec_20_pt2/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/ce5acf6e5d754b3bae08949dabf58035?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=a5ecf505767aa8041bb1669349b6c067

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[Other] ED "Art" Dec 20 pt 1
/u/kinaadman [5'1" | SW 210 | CW 110 | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 20 04:53:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jcvoa/ed_art_dec_20_pt_1/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/e1049a13bb8542a9b58718dfa31e8263?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=236d0b42397df6e161953a83fd392918

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Dec 20
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 20 04:51:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jcvha/dec_20/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/5e5695fb4b0c4116a3fb84ed24fd1966?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=f451e74916a8f63c15dc3467b57f1dda

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[Help] Anyone lost 18lbs in 12 days?
/u/So_hangry
Created: Tue Dec 20 04:48:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jcv2v/anyone_lost_18lbs_in_12_days/
---
[removed]

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[Help] ending a fast
/u/bvvvg
Created: Tue Dec 20 03:31:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jclqv/ending_a_fast/
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i just had to stop a 60 hour fast because i was turning blue and my roommate was worried, so i ate a small wrap. now i'm wondering about how to transition back into eating? if i binge or something now is that dangerous? how slowly should i go back to eating?

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[Rant/Rave] Going home for the holidays and stressed
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Mon Dec 19 22:57:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jbnnb/going_home_for_the_holidays_and_stressed/
---
I'm in college I go home for break on Wednesday, so I see my home friends, nice.
But they're always wanting to go out to dinner or fro yo or Starbucks, ugh I'm dreading going home to that.
And Christmas is going to be so hard, I barely managed Thanksgiving.
I might scream🙃🙃🙃

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[Rant/Rave] alchohol = calorie hell
/u/light_hollow_space [5'4 | CW: 141 | BMI 24 | -54 | F | GW: 115 | LW: 99 | SW: 195]
Created: Mon Dec 19 22:11:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jbgj8/alchohol_calorie_hell/
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320 calories for 1000 mL of Vodka + lime + soda

wtf..... ugh.... I went to a bar that had no diet soda. First date. Fancy crazy drink place, some flaming drinks, etc. I get the most boring drink imaginable. I HATE DATING.

Luckily my end of day calories are only at 535 but damn! Dating is hard to do with so many calories in drinks!!

What do you drink when out?

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[Rant/Rave] I miss not being obsessed about food
/u/olivegreenblack [165 | CW 52 | HW 70 | LW 50.8 | GW 50 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 19 20:14:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jaxax/i_miss_not_being_obsessed_about_food/
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(Sorry for the long vent ahead)

I miss not being obsessed about food.

I miss being able to enjoy food.

I miss not always thinking about my next meal.

I miss not thinking about food all day, everyday. Being able to eat something without thinking about the calories, portion sizes, whether it's worth it, how much it will set me back, if I actually really want it or not.
I miss being able to casually get some ice cream out of the freezer and enjoy it without overthinking. Now I have to think about it all day or have a mental battle with myself. I'll probably leave that ice cream bar in the freezer until someone else eats it or if I do eat it I will have to cut it up because its just too damn big to justify eating the whole thing. All this overthinking about a goddamn ice cream bar ruins my enjoyment anyway. Or sometimes I'll take a little spoonful of ice cream, and then more and and more and more until I'm bingeing and I feel sick and the ice cream tastes disgusting but I can't stop. I can't just fucking enjoy an ice cream every now and then.

I miss not spending hours every day thinking about food. Watching food videos. Looking at pictures. Collecting recipes I will never cook because they are too rich. I tell myself I'm allowed to indulge every now and then if I eat well the rest of the time. But instead I end up bingeing on fucking plain bread and then I can't justify cooking a nice meal because I've had too many calories already.

I feel like I'm going crazy because all I think about all the time is food food food. I can't concentrate on anything else. Food is always at the forefront or back of my mind. I hate hate hate that. I'm not even heavily restricting right now and I just can't stop thinking about food.

If I could actually eat some of the food I think about all day, like a normal fucking person, it would be alright. But I just end up binging on the most mundane food that's not even worth it.

I wish I could just go back to the time when I didn't think about food. When I didn't obsess over nutrition and calories and portions. When I didn't spend hours of my free time looking at pictures of food and thinking of food that I want to eat but never will. When I could casually indulge in a snack every now and then without planning for it for days. When I didn't get irrationally mad if something messed with my plans around food.

I wish I could go back to the the time when these thoughts didn't control me.

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[Help] Teething getting bad fast??
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 19 18:55:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jajmh/teething_getting_bad_fast/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Aghhh fucking kill me (rant)
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Mon Dec 19 18:43:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jahkv/aghhh_fucking_kill_me_rant/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Moving with your SO : how did it change you regarding your ED?
/u/cannibale101 [5'4 | HW:150smtg | CW: 115.2 | GW:108 | 28F]
Created: Mon Dec 19 18:36:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jagbp/moving_with_your_so_how_did_it_change_you/
---
I've lived by myself for the last 2 years and i LOVE it. I love that i can fast, avoid the kitchen entirely for days and workout like crazy without having to justify myself, just as much as i love that i can binge and hate myself and loathe in my own dirt without being seen nor judged nor pitied by anyone.

But then, i also have a wonderful boyfriend who's finally ready to move in together and build something new, together. I've wanted this for a while and i'm happy about it, but i'm terrified of 2 things (among others) : my ED ruining our relationship because he will see me in a very different light, and our relationship ruining my special bond with my ED. He knows i've had problems for a while but he's hardly seen the tip of the iceberg yet.

I don't want him to see me as disgusting and crazy as i am when no one looks just as much as i don't want him to interfere with that craziness that i love/need. I have no idea what's gonna happen.

How did it go for you people?

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[Rant/Rave] Terrified of weight gain from meds.
/u/Someone_Who_Isnt_You
Created: Mon Dec 19 18:19:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jadeg/terrified_of_weight_gain_from_meds/
---
I'm about to go on suboxone, it's a medication that controls opiate addiction and cravings, and supposedly it makes people gain TONS of weight. I REALLY need to be on it. Like, my heroin addiction controls my life more than my disordered eating does.

I need to go to rehab, but I can't afford it so suboxone will have to do for now. I need it, but at the same time, I need to be smaller than I am. Yeah it would nice not to be a dope fiend, but do I have to be fat to get my life in check?

It's like either I stay an addict or stay a fat lard. It's not a win/win situation at all.

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[Discussion] Experiences with inpatient care?
/u/englace [172cm | 112lbs | 17.0 | -35.4lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Dec 19 18:12:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5jac5e/experiences_with_inpatient_care/
---
So, I met with the eating disorder clinic today for a vitals checkup, and after talking for a few minutes, the psychiatrist recommended vigorously that I stay inpatient for 'a few weeks'. Starting immediately. I had to promise to come back and go in later to get him to let me leave, and when I didn't come back he called home, told my parents that I was a danger to myself and to keep an eye on me. I don't have a great relationship with my parents, so that didn't go amazingly, but I've managed to talk my way out, to a point. I'm good at pretending to be okay. The problem is, though -- maybe inpatient care is a good thing?

I need the break from day to day life badly, and I want to try more radical treatment methods for this and other mental illnesses that aren't possible with outpatient stay. But, well, it's inpatient stay. On top of all the food stuff, we're not allowed our cell phone if it has a camera (mine does), and we're not allowed to do drugs/smoke (I've been using xanax, weed, cigarettes, alcohol, ritalin and aderall regularly for a decent amount of time now). Total detox, and they'll have complete control over what I eat.

It feels like an impossible decision to make. For those of you who have spent some length of time in the hospital before -- what was it like? How did things go? Was the stay worth the time of your life? I just want to hear as much as I can about staying inpatient to make an informed decision. At the very least I should know what I'm in for, should I fulfill the doctor's requests. Thank you all so much;;

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[Goal] Binge Free Week: Day Three!
/u/deanhipchester [5' | 114.2 lbs | 23.29 | -28 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Dec 19 17:58:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ja9jb/binge_free_week_day_three/
---
Hello loves! Once again, a little later than I wanted. I just finished up my last exam, did some Christmas shopping, and am now on the bus back to my home city for the next couple of weeks!

How did everyone fair today? I know a few of you had some minor setbacks but that's a-okay! It takes sometime and we can work on making the rest of the week binge free 😊

Calling: /u/smallsmallersmallest /u/cuts-and-cats /u/pcrnography /u/so_hangry /u/mourir01 /u/abandonearth /u/edub12345 /u/fckk /u/chrissle_ /u/runnin-n-whey /u/vinome /u/what_u_callme /u/naejnire /u/water-coffee-tea /u/daeboo /u/observingsilence /u/cocionut /u/mimidudette /u/ms_ireneadler /u/dnedna /u/capture_the_excite /u/rainbowsunshinedust

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[Rant/Rave] [wtf] A little defeat
/u/thinfetish
Created: Mon Dec 19 17:11:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ja0vw/wtf_a_little_defeat/
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So I just got back from a six week long business trip. I worked very hard to eat clean and restrict... It's tough when you're always eating out with co-workers. After powering through a lot of really awful grilled chicken salads without dressing I felt like I may have actually accomplished something. Get on the scale today for the first time since October and I realize I did not shed a pound. WTF indeed. Glad I'm home so I can get back to meal prepping.

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[Discussion] Sick and Tired of Black Coffee
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 19 16:44:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j9vph/sick_and_tired_of_black_coffee/
---
[deleted]

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[Intro] [Intro] Yet another intro
/u/babyspooks666 [5'2" | 95 | 17.4 |]
Created: Mon Dec 19 16:29:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j9sn8/intro_yet_another_intro/
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Hey all. I've been lurking here since summer; I figured it's about time I introduced myself.

 I'm currently 21 and have had an eating disorder since I was 14; disordered eating since age 12. I spent too much time in hospital during my teens. After six admissions I kinda stopped keeping track, haha. I've bounced from bulimia to anorexia to whatever the hell I am now. My current pattern is to restrict best I can, then get too high or drunk and binge. I've been EC stacking on and off for years but am currently taking a tolerance break/rest period.
I prefer to drink my calories via booze. Some have told me maybe I should cut down. I don't really feel it's an issue tho (not yet anyway). Ngl, I'm a little buzzed right now.
 Hmm what else...
I tend to high-cal restrict, having 800 as my max. But I'm only successful maybe half of the time. I binge when I'm upset, or anxious, or bored. The weight gain terrifies me but obviously not enough for me to actually stop for longer than 3 days. Ugh. I'm hoping I can get over this hurdle with you all, as well as get all the ED shit off my chest that I can't tell anyone irl. Don't get me wrong, basically everyone who knows me knows about my ED, but I avoid talking about it because it's triggering, depressing, and frustrating.

Anyway, I'm really glad I found this place. It feels like I can finally be honest with myself and others. So thank you! :)

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[Intro] hi i dunno if anyone actually noticed that i was away for quite a while, but if so heres a quick explaination
/u/leatherhoff [5"3 | 130 | ftm (not on hrt yet)]
Created: Mon Dec 19 16:01:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j9n35/hi_i_dunno_if_anyone_actually_noticed_that_i_was/
---
uhh so if you stalk my history youll see the last thing i had posted here was regarding the use of sertraline cos i was starting on it. and to be honest ever since i started it ive been feeling less stressed about my food intake.. i looked it up and it seems that sertraline has been helpful in treating bulimia, which i was pretty much on the verge of (minus the ability to actually purge properly, but i trieeeed). ive kinda stopped fussing so much about my calorie intake too. i suppose some of this stuff must have stemmed from my depression issues maybe blah blah blah i dunno
plus ive got a boyfriend now(!!!), which gives me a reason to not get back into my ED, cos i dont want to stress him out with it too much :-(

however....... however. due to my more laid-back attitude to food and the addition of this new boyfriend, i have put on a bit of weight.... a few pounds. we both enjoy a lot of junk food and i dont care so much about restricting. i think i weigh about 128 now, at 5ft 3. nasty

but now currently im at this weird stage where i desperately want to get back into my ED in order to regain that sense of control and focus... even though i was really bad at staying on track i honestly miss stressing over calories and eating way too little. gave me something to focus on. and i miss purging too for some weird reason. my had confided in my boyfriend about my issues before we got together so he knows the score, and i hate keeping secrets from people im close to so i feel like i hve to tell him every time i want to purge.............. its frustrating. i dotn want to hide this from him but i also dont want to stress him out with it.

i tried to stop taking my meds for a few days so i could get back into restricting and such but ive also started to get all anxious and tense in public like how i used to be , and i dont wanna be like that again. its very tiring. really the sensible option would be to just start adopting a better attitude towards food but that just seems so unlike something i coud actually do. though i also need to change that attitude about myself. hm

anyway uh im not realy too sure where im going with this post beyond a quick update. i dont know if ill be back in this subreddit any time soon but we will see. take care yall <3

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[Discussion] Nausea inducers like ipecac?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 19 15:01:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j9acr/nausea_inducers_like_ipecac/
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[removed]

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[Other] Lol a ramble about veggies
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 19 14:54:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j98sy/lol_a_ramble_about_veggies/
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Like I made a veggie soup with 10 oz mixed veggies (157 cals) and veggie broth (10 cals) and worschester (5 cals) and hot sauce that is somehow ZERO(???) cal and I'm scared there is no way 10 ounces of veg is only 157 cals and hot sauce is nothing. I added onion and garlic powder and pepper but after a few bites the veg broth was just awful so I drained it and just ate a couple more bites. I feel triumphant that I can go back later and eat that if my stomach is dumb but how is hot sauce 0??? That's crazy. Maybe it's crazier I didn't know that. Haha. Thanks for letting me ramble. Love yall gorgeous babes.

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[Intro] Hi everyone!
/u/-MySecretAccount- [5'4" | 110 | 19.05 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 19 14:03:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j8xpq/hi_everyone/
---
So, I thought I could introduce myself. Hi everyone, im Julie, a long time lurker that finally decided to be more active. :)

I was hesitant to join the community, because it's hard for me to say if I truly have an eating disorded. I feel like I'm almost not worthy enough to say such thing, like my problems are not big enough.

I have struggled with eating for as long as I could remember. My parents fed me a horrible, horrible diet so I was a fat kid and stayed like that for most of my life. I decided to change something 2 years ago and managed to loose all the excess weight and be actually healthy.

But I just couldn't stop there. I still felt fat and still hated every piece of my body. So I restricted heavly (but wasn't really counting the calories, as I didn't know what I was even doing) - that went on for some time, but then I realised thats not the body I wanted. I was skinny, yes - even underweight - but I didn't look like I imagined.

The problem was, I wasn't really exercising, so along with fat I lost a lot of muscle mass, so basically I became a skinny fat blob, and I hated it. So me, still oblivious to everything nutrition related, decided to gain a bit of weight. And again, I gained only fat. I did exercise this time, but didnt consume any protein [And I mean, at all. It was probably something around 15g/day, where the norm for me should be at least 77g]

And here I am now. Obsessed with protein, obssesed with food, obssesed with how I look and miserable. My days resolve around food, it's all I think about.
I am a mess and don't know what I should think of myself, but I am hoping to find some peace here.

I am sorry, this wasn't supposed to be so long. I just wanted to rant a bit, as I never told anyone things I wrote here. Thank you for getting through it. :)

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[Rant/Rave] What the fuck is wrong with me
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 116 | 20.04| Lost: 44|GW:0]
Created: Mon Dec 19 13:34:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j8rji/what_the_fuck_is_wrong_with_me/
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Killed it at restriction the past few days, and have literally ruinned it all in the past 10 minutes, yet I can't stop fucking eating this peanut butter. What's the fucking point?

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[Help] Depression and Binge Eating Issues
/u/properlylit [5'4" | fattie | F]
Created: Mon Dec 19 10:30:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j7ndh/depression_and_binge_eating_issues/
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Hi guys! So I was just wondering if anyone has depression and if that is tied in with their eating disorder. I've been having a lot of issues with basically non-stop eating for a long time, but the last week I've been increasingly depressed on top of my regular depression. I know it's tied in to my binge eating but I don't really know how to cope with it other than fasting which results in a bigger binge. Just having some struggles :/ any stories or whatever would be super helpful. Thank you!

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[Discussion] What's your story?
/u/OccasionalJerk [5'5 | 155 | 25.8 | GW: 125 | -6 | 17F]
Created: Mon Dec 19 08:05:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j6tih/whats_your_story/
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Everyone on here has some kind of story about their eating disorder. How/when did yours start? Do you know why it started?


I thought I'd make this thread so people can share this stuff about themselves and get it off their chest if they want to.

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[Rant/Rave] Job interview [rant/vent]
/u/Fit4me123
Created: Mon Dec 19 06:19:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j6c31/job_interview_rantvent/
---
So I have an interview today for an assistant teacher position. This is perfect for me because I'm in school for social work and I was nannying and it'll be great experience. But god I hate myself for getting this fat. I feel like a big giant monster. I finished getting ready and I really hate the way I look. I just hope I can fake confidence for my interview. I just know kids think I'm fat and I've even had a kid tell me my legs are big before. I know it's not malicious and they mean no harm, but I'm just having a hard time. What do you guys do when you need your ED to chill tf out for something? Usually I smoke a little bowl, but obviously I'm not going to do that before an interview!! Lol

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[Discussion] Does anyone have any idea WHEN their ED started?
/u/all-mah-secrets [158cm/5'2"|CW: 50kg|BMI: 20.71|GW: 46Kg| F]
Created: Mon Dec 19 06:13:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j6b8b/does_anyone_have_any_idea_when_their_ed_started/
---
I think mine was when we moved to another country. I wasn't fat, but I did get chubbier by the end of high school. It never bothered me, in fact, I was quite content with my figure (think filled-out type, curvy but not fit). Anyway, right after graduating we moved.


There was the issue of translating my diploma (from French to English). It took forever and staying at home made me hate myself. I started counting calories and exercising, sticking to 1200 cals and doing HIIT workouts. Got to a good weight and not only looked better, but felt great. So that was my 'get-healthy' year.


Diploma finally got translated. Could attend college, whoop dee doo. Not. Found out that taking an involuntary gap year made me forget everything, felt dumb as hell and as if I didn't have any control over my studies. Barely studied all year. I think playing NintendoDS, watching movies, TV shows and obsessing over my calories were *all* I did... Which is pretty sad imo.

Somewhere between these last two years I just couldn't be satisfied with my weight anymore.

A year later, I obsess over my calories. I tried not counting, but found I ... *forgot*(?) how to eat like a person. Without overeating or undereating. I had a mini-breakthrough a couple of days ago. I realized that at least every day is spent thinking/counting/planning everything related to food and calories. Every single day. Not a day goes by when I'm not thinking about this. When was the last time I had fun without having calories in the back of my mind? I used to laugh at the people who watched what they ate because 'I'll never be one of those type of girls, I like myself the way I am.' As for my studies... Well, I just don't know how I used to do it. How I could just study and pass easily. We currently have finals. I skipped my physics one today, going to skip chem tomorrow because I don't know shit, might make an attempt at psych and maths.


Anyways, that's that. Nothing like a death close to me, or an accident, or anything bad happening. Just me being a sore loser and wanting to have some type of control in my life... Now, I still don't have control but have this weird eating disorder.

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Going over budget.
/u/RickyWicky
Created: Mon Dec 19 05:14:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j62z4/going_over_budget/
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[removed]

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! December 19, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Dec 19 05:13:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j62t9/weekly_stats_update_december_19_2016/
---
This is the weekly status thread for December 19, 2016.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 19, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Dec 19 05:13:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j62su/daily_food_diary_december_19_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 19, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] How are you guys doing?
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Mon Dec 19 01:28:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j5ct0/how_are_you_guys_doing/
---
I wanted to make a quick rant thread, just in case anyone had something on mind. I'll start.

My dysmorphia has been *horrible* like Jesus fucking Christ. I've convinced myself that my metabolism is very low and that I'm actually burning 200 calories less, despite all evidence suggesting that it's average, if not a little faster. Also, I'm feeling hella bloated. I think my period might return soon. I don't know how to feel about that. I haven't had since the end of October, but I feel like I'm PMS'ing big time.

Also, I just discovered low-fat Greek yoghurt and it's my new fucking sexuality. *So filling* cheap and delicious.

What's been up with you?

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[Rant/Rave] First time going home for the holidays.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 18 23:44:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j5041/first_time_going_home_for_the_holidays/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Trouble hiding eating disorder from my Mum
/u/iwanttobebones [168cm | CW 62kg | 22 | -15kg | F | UGW: 45kg]
Created: Sun Dec 18 23:14:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j4w6c/trouble_hiding_eating_disorder_from_my_mum/
---
I know this has probably been asked a thousand times on here but some of this is just me needing to rant and hoping people can relate.

Over 2-3 months I've gone from about 75kg to nearly 60. I've had bulimia in the past but it faded over time.

At the moment I am restricting as heavily as I possibly can while living at home (I'm 18) and throwing up as much as I can but my Mum has caught on and said if I didn't get my eating straight in the next 4 days she would be looking at serious intervention (aka rehab). I'm going to look into my legal rights concerning rehab in my state after posting this.

I don't want to recover, I want to keep losing weight but I have no idea how to hide this from my Mum. My Mum was always pretty laid back when I was growing up so I never had to learn how to be sneaky and how to hide things from her.

Does anybody have any tips on hiding eating disorders from family? I like to restrict more than I like to purge. I'm going to try and wear baggier clothes when I can but that might be hard considering how hot Australian summers get. Please share your stories and your advice <3. I've been lurking this subreddit on my main account for a while now but decided to make another account just for this sub because it seems like a supportive community.

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[Rant/Rave] Losing For a Date
/u/jiuel1 [5'4"(barely yay) | 122.6 | 20.9 | -12 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Dec 18 23:02:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j4ujv/losing_for_a_date/
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[removed]

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[Help] I have roughly four weeks. PLEASE help me get my shit together.
/u/get-it_together [5'3" |160??| UGW 130 | F]
Created: Sun Dec 18 22:56:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j4tq6/i_have_roughly_four_weeks_please_help_me_get_my/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Posted a "Happiness Update" a bit ago, (breakup with bf, got puppy), so I wanted to show you all the Pupper!!!
/u/operadiva31 [5'6" | CW 212.4 lbs | 34.42 | -25.2 lbs | UGW 131 lbs]
Created: Sun Dec 18 22:22:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j4p12/posted_a_happiness_update_a_bit_ago_breakup_with/
---
http://imgur.com/gallery/7NGY5

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[Discussion] Eating at work
/u/burningthroughtime
Created: Sun Dec 18 22:05:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j4mkh/eating_at_work/
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I'm at my current job for about a week now and at about 1pm there's a lunch break. All my colleagues either go to the canteen or bring food and eat it in the kitchen together. I don't want to do either. I don't want to pay lots of money for food from the canteen that has loads of extra calories and I don't want to bring my safe foods from home either. Last week I wanted to skip lunch and one of my colleagues insisted so much I'd buy food or let her share her food with me to the point where I had to give in. I don't want to look weird especially since it's a new job, but this is really annoying to me. What are you guys doing about eating at work? How do you manage it?

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[Help] Is it safe to log calories honestly in the Fitbit app?
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 25.11 | -60lbs | M]
Created: Sun Dec 18 20:49:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j4aw1/is_it_safe_to_log_calories_honestly_in_the_fitbit/
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I'm getting a Fitbit for Xmas and I'm super excited about it! I saw a post on here a while back of someone saying that their MFP profiles kept getting taken down because people reported them for their limited calorie consumption. I just wanted to make sure that I wouldn't get locked out of the Fitbit app or lose all my info and have to start over if I log my calories honestly. Thanks!

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[Intro] Introductory Post (please clap)
/u/dirtandherbs [Height 5'2 | CW 102 | BMI 18.02 | Female]
Created: Sun Dec 18 19:42:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j408g/introductory_post_please_clap/
---
Um, hm. I started exhibiting strange ED behaviors around 12 but it didn't become a full fledged ED until I was 15. I'm 23 now and never fully recovered. I was hospitalized once at 16 but because of lack of beds and insurance I was discharged SAME DAY. I couldn't believe my luck... the teacher that brought the issue to my Grandparents attention was completely shocked to see me back at school the following day. I denied everything. My Grandmother pretended to care for a few days but it was back to the way things were. Struggled off and on ever since. I'm tired of being so subpar. I'm a perfectionist... textbook AN case, as well as depression. Recovery feels like such a failure. I want to be the best. I'm not very smart... pretty dumb. I barely graduated High School and flunked the fuck out of Community College. I feel sometimes like my ED is all I have. It feels pathetic. Middle class white girl anorexic is such a cliche. But recovery is worse... anyways. I'll probably be deleting this after I post it.

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[Discussion] Holiday Party #1 down, just 1 (I think) to go
/u/PersonaThief [5' 2.5" | 140.8 lbs | 26.2 BMI | -33.2 lbs | Male | 23]
Created: Sun Dec 18 19:30:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j3y6d/holiday_party_1_down_just_1_i_think_to_go/
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Think I did pretty well. It's a weird game I play with myself right now, where I try to eat to actively say "fuck you" to my ED, but also I feel really bad stomach pains and absolutely horrendously physically ill every time I eat? (Seen a doc, no one cares.)

Immediately, I couldn't eat about 80% of what they put out -- because I'm celiac. Quiche, crackers, rolls, you get the picture. Of what I could eat, I took a small portion and waited it out to see what would sit well. Sometimes, I find that ONE thing that I can eat a bit of without feeling too bad. Other times? I can grab that same exact food, and even just the smell makes me wanna hurl.

In total, for the entirety of the day, I had 2-3 tablespoons of artichoke dip (no crackers), 2 small pieces of ham (they were thin, triangular pieces of slices, and not even full slices), 1 deviled egg, 3 or 4 inch-and-a-half sized slices of this AMAZING soft-white-cheddar-with-cranberries cheese, and then like 5 gluten-free "mexican wedding cookies" (old family recipe). My stomach did NOT appreciate the egg, but the ham, artichoke, and cookies sat okay-enough. The cheese was weirdly totally fine. The cookies are these little balls (maybe quarter-sized when squished, these ones came out slightly flatter than actual balls), so even though 5 sounds like a lot, it really wasn't TOO bad? In-total, I'd guessume maybe...900 calories in solid food.

Now, my aunt makes the best goddamn Bloody Mary you've ever had. The only thing it's missing is honestly like a strip of bacon? Then I had a cup of coffee, 2 small cups of cider, and a very small glass of sake. Guessuming once again, I'd say...600 calories in liquids.

In truth? I'm probably WAY over-estimating here, as my portions of absolutely everything were SUPER tiny. That said, a max ceiling of 1,500 calories for a whole day I spent at a family holiday party, alcohol included, really isn't that bad.

**How about you guys? Any holiday parties yet? Any personal successes or failures you'd like to share?**

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[Rant/Rave] Relapsing into this hell of an ED.
/u/peanutbutteredbanana
Created: Sun Dec 18 19:10:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j3uzr/relapsing_into_this_hell_of_an_ed/
---
I hope someone remembers me even tho I have only been gone for a couple of months lol. My recovery has been a complete joke. All I've done is replaced starving myself with stuffing myself until I'm nauseous and I want to cry. I'm up to 107 pounds. The sad thing is I don't even mind my body, but I miss the control from restriction. I miss my prominent bones, the dizziness, the bruises, the satisfaction from seeing new results. I'm slipping back into anorexia and I've never been happier. Hello, my old friends <3

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[Rant/Rave] (RANT) living alone sucks for bingers
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 165 | BMI 28.3 | -0lbs | F]
Created: Sun Dec 18 19:10:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j3ux2/rant_living_alone_sucks_for_bingers/
---
Cant flair, on mobile

I'm currently in a very bad binge cycle and I think it's a little ironic about how when I'm in a restricting cycle, I LOVE living alone but when it's a binge cycle I absolutely HATE it. No one can see me as I eat an entire family size meal of pasta as a first course and then tear through so much more food. It sucks. Trying to get back to restricting since my gym is closed until uni starts up again. I have absolutely no one but myself to keep me accountable and I have absolutely no self control and I have two more years living like this. I'm already at my highest weight ever, I don't know how I'm going to get through it all.

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[Discussion] Binge-Free Week: Day Two!
/u/deanhipchester [5' | 114.2 lbs | 23.29 | -28 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Dec 18 18:31:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j3ocr/bingefree_week_day_two/
---
Alright, hey guys! Sorry this is so late.

So yesterday I didn't accomplish any of my actual goals, but I hope you guys did. What I can say is that even though I ate over what I wanted, I didn't binge either today or yesterday. That makes me two days binge free (i'm about to pull an all nighter but i have you guys in mind so i know i'll be fine)

Calling: /u/smallsmallersmallest /u/cuts-and-cats /u/pcrnography /u/so_hangry /u/mourir01 /u/abandonearth /u/edub12345 /u/fckk /u/chrissle_ /u/runnin-n-whey /u/vinome /u/what_u_callme /u/naejnire /u/water-coffee-tea /u/daeboo /u/observingsilence /u/cocionut /u/mimidudette /u/ms_ireneadler /u/dnedna /u/capture_the_excite /u/rainbowsunshinedust

Anyway, I had a really shitty day today so maybe you can cheer me up by telling me about yours. If yours was bad too lmao don't even worry tell me about it anyways

Also, any goals for tomorrow?

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[Goal] I am officially the weight I lied about on my driver's license!
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 107.8 | BMI:21 l GW 90| -36.2 l F]
Created: Sun Dec 18 18:26:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j3nfp/i_am_officially_the_weight_i_lied_about_on_my/
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I think I should get a new picture now, I have actually started to have my ID rejected because I apparently look so different (!?) (I guess I have lost a quarter of what I used to weigh, so I get it but still)

Also, people in my life have finally started to notice the weight loss! They say my face doesn't look so puffy and round anymore. (Thanks guys)

I'm so excited! The last time I was this weight was like, 2010. My GW seems so attainable now! Even my UGW of 80 isnt that far off. Here's to starting off 2017 the weight I wished I had been 3 years ago!

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[Discussion] Are you a 'old fashion' or 'clean' anorexic?
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [🐷 5'2 | NB-dfab | CW: 163.6lb | 29.9/31.0 | UGW: 90lb | -26.4lb]
Created: Sun Dec 18 18:04:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j3jw3/are_you_a_old_fashion_or_clean_anorexic/
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I saw a post on tumblr that asked that. It was along the lines of this:

'Old fashioned' anorexics are the black coffee and cigarettes, using all their 200 calories on shots kind of people. 'Clean' are the green tea and vitamins, eating only while foods in tiny amount types. Which are you?

I just thought it was an interesting question. I started out trying to be 'clean' but I just progressed to the 'old fashioned'.

(sorry if I shouldn't post this? Idk)

Edit: yeah, I didn't mean these are definitive and you have to fall into one or the other strictly lol things are more complicated obviously. It was just interesting

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[Rant/Rave] I just weighed myself for the first time in a while...
/u/crumpet9 [5'3" | gw: nothing | 20F]
Created: Sun Dec 18 17:13:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j3b58/i_just_weighed_myself_for_the_first_time_in_a/
---
And wow. I lost weight.

This summer before I left to school I was hovering around 118-119. I never got my starting weight at the beginning of summer, but I'm certain I lost weight over it. I proceeded to eat like shit for a month, and then joined a gym with friends and got back into running. During this period I was "normal". In October I started relapsing into ED habits. I didn't have access to a scale so I never weighed myself. I purposely tried to hold off on buying one. (funny anecdote I tried ordering food scales and normal scales off amazon THREE TIMES and every time something happened- either package stolen or amazon refunded me because the package broke... I took it as a sign).

Over Thanksgiving break my ex-boyfriend visited so I spent quite some time at his house. I was binging that whole week due to stress and the fact that I feel hella comfortable eating a lot around him. I weighed 119 that week. (He had scales at his house that I weighed myself on) I felt disgusting... After he left I focused on restriction with a couple of binges thrown in. I also purged more frequently (though not anywhere near daily or every other day). My friends had been commenting lately that I lost weight, but I didn't believe them. I figured they were just seeing me with an empty stomach now and that's difference.

This brings me to yesterday. Just got off a 12 hour flight where I ate dinner on it (not the other two meals tho), I ate a fucking huge burrito when I landed. About an hour after I ate I weighed myself... 111 pounds. I lost 8 pounds???? I'm honestly fucking shocked. I expected the scale to say 118 at best, especially because I was still full from the burrito. I know I should be happy? I guess? But... fucking wow.

I'm kind of nervous, because I genuinely haven't noticed a difference in my body AT ALL. I know my GW says 100 pounds, which is true, but my first goal weight was 108, then 103. And my first goal weight is SO CLOSE now, and I feel NO DIFFERENT. I keep looking in the mirror trying to see even the slightest difference and I can't at all. I know it isn't a huge weight loss at all, but still. I just don't know.

Anyways, I've binged today. But after today, I'm so excited to get on track. I go to school in the UK and am in the US for a month. I'm going to stock up on Halo Top and Bronkaid and Quest bars. When I go back to school I want to be at least 108. I'm slightly nervous but also excited for the coming weeks!

Thanks to anyone who even read this far, sorry this turned out so long!


Edit: Flair-ing this rant/rave and honestly it's both! lol

---

[Discussion] So I bought a blender
/u/RickyWicky
Created: Sun Dec 18 15:59:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j2xvo/so_i_bought_a_blender/
---
So, in case this hasn't been done on this subreddit before (I'm too lazy to search for it, so if this is an infraction Mods, feel free to remove this post) and I'm looking for some good, tried and tested, low-cal smoothie recipes!

I think not only I will benefit from this, other people might too, so this is a win-win.

---

How to purge hands free?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 18 15:55:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j2x64/how_to_purge_hands_free/
---
[removed]

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[Other] This is the reason (or one of many) that I love my boyfriend.
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Sun Dec 18 15:35:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j2tj8/this_is_the_reason_or_one_of_many_that_i_love_my/
---
http://m.imgur.com/waFVgiX

---

[Other] I just purged for the first time. (Or rather, tried to)
/u/desperate_housecat [5'2" | 116 | 21.2 | -37lbs | F]
Created: Sun Dec 18 15:00:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j2n64/i_just_purged_for_the_first_time_or_rather_tried/
---
I've dealt with restriction since I was 12, but purging has always been on my "absolutely never" list. I HATE throwing up. I get nauseous if someone even mentions having been sick recently. But today, I broke. I didn't even eat that much- maybe 800 calories worth of food. But I just felt so awful and disgusting and I just wanted it out. I spent half an hour in the bathroom, and got basically nothing up.

I honestly can't decide if I'm happy or upset that I couldn't finish.

---

[Other] Thin Club (Eating Disorder Documentary)
/u/sexualization [171cm | 49kg | 16.8 | -9.8kg]
Created: Sun Dec 18 13:16:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j245f/thin_club_eating_disorder_documentary/
---
https://youtu.be/GnHH4UVXXNc

---

[Help] Something weird I noticed
/u/headroom3 [5,4 | 150 | 25.7 | 2.5lb | 13M]
Created: Sun Dec 18 12:32:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j1vz3/something_weird_i_noticed/
---
So I have a cold right now, and I had breakfast for the first time in over a week (I've been restricting to approx 600 cals for a weelk and I have to eat home cooked dinners) anyways, I had a glass of lite cranberry juice (140cals) a cup of cereal (240cals) and a yogurt (140cals) I just puked a bit because my stomach is so full (not the cold) and I'm still starving. Why is this? Sorry for the grammar, on mobile

---

[Discussion] Does anyone here use Habitica?
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Sun Dec 18 12:08:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j1rer/does_anyone_here_use_habitica/
---
I recently found [Habitica](https://habitica.com/#/tasks) and thought it would be a good way to keep me accountable. It's quite a cute little game but I don't really understand it fully yet. I searched here to see if anyone else uses it but the only two posts were from a year ago so I thought I'd make a new one.

Does anyone else use it? Have you found it to be helpful? Could we use it to keep each other accountable?

---

[Discussion] VR food- how much easier would this make your life lol
/u/jrste310 [5 ft | 106 lb | 21.34 | -21.5| Female]
Created: Sun Dec 18 11:45:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j1n0t/vr_food_how_much_easier_would_this_make_your_life/
---
https://www.facebook.com/futurism/videos/668946133284589/?hc_ref=NEWSFEED

---

[Rant/Rave] Photographs: The IS THAT ME?!?! Controversy
/u/RtB107
Created: Sun Dec 18 11:00:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j1erf/photographs_the_is_that_me_controversy/
---
ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! Hey hi, back again. :)

SO. Recently went on my nights out and they were good. No panicking in the getting ready department... mostly.

HOWEVER: photos were published on Facebook and I'm in them. One problem: I don't *look like myself*. Which sounds bizarre; but maybe some of you can empathise?

Ever look at a picture of yourself and go, 'SHIT, SON, THAT AIN'T ME! WHO'S THIS IMPOSTOR?'

And yeah, honestly and seriously, it *is* unsettling — *and* upsetting. Like... I don't know who I am? I look vaguely familiar, but just... I'm not who I thought I was? :/ And of course then I want to change who I am immediately — like, right away — and I'm not even sure I can *do* that, you know? If I don't look how I thought I looked right now, will I ever? Does that even make sense?

And do you know of any ways I can feel optimistic about this? I mean, I tell myself people look better in person than in photographs, but ugh. Ya know.

Apologies if this is a load of shite. Just needed to get it off my chest. :C

---

[Intro] Intro: This is me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 18 10:31:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j19ap/intro_this_is_me/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I just spent $20 on food I'm not going to eat.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 18 10:17:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j16pf/i_just_spent_20_on_food_im_not_going_to_eat/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Body refuses to get below a certain number
/u/Teasustainslife [5'2,124.6! -42 all together, CGW 120, UGW 106 19F]
Created: Sun Dec 18 10:11:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j15n6/body_refuses_to_get_below_a_certain_number/
---
I don't know why but every time I get to 126 my body just likes to stay there. I've gotten as low as 120 but almost in a blink I was back up to 126. It's really frustrating knowing I'm doing the right things(Deficit that should be atleast one pound a week) but my body is just like "NOPE HAHA!"

This morning I 'gained' two pounds( from 125 to 127), I realize it's probably food+water since I ate more yesterday. But it's even more discouraging. I know sometimes after gaining a few I end up dropping below though so I can hope?

I really hate the 120s, I've never gotten past them. It's not even that low of a weight (bmi of 22 to 23) so why does my body refuse to get smaller?

---

[Tip] Tips for fasting/restricting?
/u/eQuoise12 [5'6 | CW 121 | GW 115 | UGW 110 | F]
Created: Sun Dec 18 09:58:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j135n/tips_for_fastingrestricting/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] I wrote a (probably bad) poem. Anyone else have any ED poems?
/u/OccasionalJerk [5'5 | 155 | 25.8 | GW: 125 | -6 | 17F]
Created: Sun Dec 18 09:51:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j121e/i_wrote_a_probably_bad_poem_anyone_else_have_any/
---
Hello! I wrote a crappy poem about my eating disorder. Does anyone else have any poems you've written or just like that you want to share? Cause I'd love to read it. Either way, here's my poem(I put a little - mark for every new stanza because I suck at formatting :/).


*The Hunger




-Another day, another scream

Another cut, another dream




-The words that leave me don't mean much

The words that reside may leave quite the touch




-Another day, another scream




-The mirror decides my biggest choice

The silence has the strongest voice




-Another cut, another dream




-The smallest nibble may cause a spiral

The biggest bite will go viral




-Another day, another scream




-The blood runs out in a shameless fury

The tears flow down without a lick of glory




-Another cut, another dream




-The emotions are too much; the emotions aren't enough

The decision is mine to make, but I'm all out of luck




-Another day, another scream




-An insatiable, unquenchable, unappeasable hunger

Will be the force to send me down under




-Another cut, another dream




-The number glares up in a red pure hate

Too much, too little; I'm afraid it's too late




-Another day, another scream




-When the story finally comes out

No one is listening, not even to the shout




-Another cut, another dream




-The unbreakable wall goes back up

I go back to my force field of a cup




-Another day, another scream

Another cut, another dream

---

[Intro] Introducing myself :-)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 18 08:42:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j0q1o/introducing_myself/
---
Hey everyone!

I've been lurking here for wayyy too long, and I figured it was time to finally introduce myself.

I'm on mobile, so no flair, but I'm female, 5'6", 118 lbs currently. My goal is 110. I'm trying to lose slowly, to be healthier, LMAO. So, I'm shooting for 1000 calories a day.

I'm 24, I was at 110 for all my teen years without even trying. Then I went up to 130 and was okay with myself there for a long time. IDK what happened, but looking back even that "normal" weight is just disgusting to me now.

I'm just looking for some accountability and support here now. You are all so sweet and welcoming, so I'm super excited to start getting involved in this sub!

---

[Help] Vietnamese Estimates?
/u/stealthmode_activate [5'1 | Moo | Ugh | -78 | F]
Created: Sun Dec 18 06:42:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j08r4/vietnamese_estimates/
---
So my mum wants to eat at a Pho restaurant that just opened nearby for her birthday. I've never had Vietnamese food, I know nothing about Vietnamese food, I wouldn't even be able to begin to estimate accurately beyond "avoid all the beef!" and "that sounds fried, let's not thanks".

Does anyone have suggestions on what sorts of foods I might consider ordering and their average calories because trying to plug this ish into MFP is bringing up ridiculous highs and lows with few if any entries showing in close range of each other for me to be able to accurately determine what's safe.

Thanks for any help :)

---

[Discussion] snapchat
/u/williamedward27
Created: Sun Dec 18 06:07:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5j04gm/snapchat/
---
[removed]

---

[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Dec 18 05:08:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5izxyr/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
---
Happy Sunday December 18, 2016~

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 18, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Dec 18 05:08:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5izxy6/daily_food_diary_december_18_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 18, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Other] Teetering between a three day fast or just low restriction...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 18 04:46:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5izvtg/teetering_between_a_three_day_fast_or_just_low/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] eating for family peace
/u/ixxybitsy [5'2 | 137.8 lbs | 25.4 | -44 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Dec 18 03:50:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5izqhp/eating_for_family_peace/
---
i'm so annoyed i decided i wouldn't eat the rest of the day because i ate so fucking much in the afternoon and now my family is inviting me out for dinner except socially speaking it's not really an invite as much as it is a social demand with social consequences if i don't go

s i g h

---

[Discussion] Artist Lee Price
/u/fiascofiesta [5'7" | 123.4 | 19.26 | 22F]
Created: Sun Dec 18 02:54:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5izlb8/artist_lee_price/
---
Has anyone heard of her? I searched in the bar and nothing returned, so I figured I'd make a post! I'm OBSESSED with her work, it's beautiful and I understand it on such a core level. Not that it's imbued with secret meaning, but I feel like if someone who hasn't struggled with eating before saw her painting, they maybe wouldn't feel the same connection. I desperately want to get a print of hers for when I move out, but I'll have to save for quite a few months.

PS did I flair this right? I was torn between discussion and other.

---

[Rant/Rave] ... stuck in a cycle.
/u/all-mah-secrets [158cm/5'2"|CW: 50kg|BMI: 20.71|GW: 46Kg| F]
Created: Sun Dec 18 01:29:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5izday/stuck_in_a_cycle/
---
Of binge eating and heavy restricting.

I hate this. Yet I know it's not as bad as b/p or abusing medication. Yesterday I barely had anything to eat (normal for most of us lol). Was craving a chocolate bar but did not allow myself to eat some because of the craaazy amount of sugar in it. What a hypocrite I am, that night I baked some hazelnut biscotti and hazelnut brownies telling myself I'm not going to have any, not even a bite to taste... Ended up eating five biscotti and one slice of brownie. God knows how much sugar that had. FML. Went on a binge and ate that chocolate I've been denying myself. This morning I continued the binge and now am back to restricting.


Why can't I eat a normal amount of food without guilt associated with it?


And fuck, *why* does it *always* have to be all or nothing???

---

My ex is mad that I posted "sexy" body checks in the worst part of my ed so here's another one +15 pounds later. Wanting to improve a little I don't like my hip dips or tummy. 5'4 118 lbs 24 inch waist 21 inch thighs (yikes) and 11 inch arms (oh god kill me now)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 18 00:50:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iz9g5/my_ex_is_mad_that_i_posted_sexy_body_checks_in/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/dff89e17b06c47ba9048cb2ad8989bd0?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=1f660917065512492dbcec67dd739471

---

[Rant/Rave] I fucking hate food
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Sat Dec 17 23:27:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iz05i/i_fucking_hate_food/
---
I hate that it takes up my brain. I hate that I'm always thinking about eating, calories and exercise. I wish I could just get a house filled with light energy drinks and cigarettes, and just starve to death. I feel like it would be so worryfree.

In July, I was at this wonderful hotel. It was on either the third or fourth floor and it had an awesome twin-bed. There was a bit of noise from children playing downstairs, but other than that it was quiet.

I blasted Nirvana and just sat on the floor with my blankets around me and watched the sunset. It was so clean. So peaceful. So modern.

They gave you free shampoos and lots of towels. I felt so clean. I read a story on my IPad. My family was out till around ten. I sipped on my ice tea and just relaxed. I was happy, I think.

That's where I'd like to live. In a hotel in France, I spent around twelve hours in. That's where I'd like to go and starve.

For fuck sake, I just wanna be happy and beautiful. Tiny and weightless.

On mobile/cant flair

---

[Rant/Rave] Okay guys.
/u/MissMagus
Created: Sat Dec 17 23:19:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iyz4j/okay_guys/
---
I'm on like.....day 4 of not eating anything at all, and filling my calorie goal with alcohol. I know that's nothing to be proud of....but I actually prepared food to eat tonight. A nice carby, fatty meal of hash browns in avacado oil after a month+ of heavy restricting.

It's all prepped but I can't get myself to actually cook them. I can't tell if that gives me a sense of pride or shame. I dunno what to dooooooo.

:')

---

[Intro] Intro
/u/Four_Names [5'6"|CW 141.4|GW 120|BMI 22.91| -29.5| F]
Created: Sat Dec 17 21:58:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iyovh/intro/
---
Hi,

I'm on mobile so I apologize for the lack of flairs and formatting errors :/

I've been a lurker here for quite a while now but I've just recently summoned the courage to post. To start off, I've struggled with body image since elementary school. I moved across the country away from family and friends when I was in 2nd grade, and food was my comfort. I'd eat 3,000+ calories in a single sitting and gained 50 lbs between 3rd and 4th grade. I was oblivious until I started noticing how I was being treated so much differently than all the other girls my age - boys that knew I had crushes on them would beg that I stop liking them, call me a whale and fat, and family said I was big boned. I had trouble fitting my legs under school desks and fitness tests in gym were hell. The first boy that ever dated me was embarrassed to say he even thought I was attractive, saying I was the only girl he could get with his own looks; I found this out from our classmates. Ever since then I've just felt like second best, like the only reason anyone would ever want me is because they're desperate and I'm there.

My mom would try to subtly suggest that I not rely on food so much, and then resorted to deservingly calling me a pig when I ate up half the pantry. I hated every ounce of my being and would look in the mirror and cry for hours.

In 5th grade and through middle school I yo-yoed between uncontrollably binging, restricting and crash dieting. After I couldn't get long lasting results I went back to eating normally, but after seeing 170 on the scale I decided to revert back to old habits. I'm back to restricting again and I've never felt so liberated, but I just want more. All I've ever wanted is to be beautiful and I feel like even though it's so far I'm getting closer every day. My current stats are 5'6" 152.6 lbs, -18 lbs. After all this hate I've had for myself, it's so warming to see a community that understands what I'm going through and that I can maybe talk to.

So sorry for the book, but I hope you all are willing to accept one more person into your family <3

---

[Rant/Rave] The Best Feeling
/u/Water-coffee-tea [5'9.75" | CW:113.8 lbs. | BMI:16.06 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 17 21:42:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iymq6/the_best_feeling/
---
When your weight is lower before bed than it was in the morning.

Just. The. Best. Feeling.

I might (finally) update my flair tomorrow.

---

[Help] Weird chest feelings when trying to sleep?
/u/miayuu [185 cm | 70.4 kg | 20.6 | 25.4 kg | F]
Created: Sat Dec 17 21:02:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iyhg2/weird_chest_feelings_when_trying_to_sleep/
---
I write this at roughly 5am and it's really annoying me.

Lately, I will have sleepless nights because my heart (I think?) feels really weird, like kind of heavy and it feels like it's fluttering in there, along with some occasional back and arm pain... I also have this kind of throat lump which leads me to believe it might be anxiety? I'm also on my period so it also could be that?!

Like I can't really get to sleep because it's so loud. It seems to happen on really really low intake days, so could it be something to do with food? Should I try increasing my intake for a while to see if it passes?

Just asking because I'm curious if it's an ED related problem or something else. x_x

---

[Other] anyone else worried about christmas day?
/u/singtalk89
Created: Sat Dec 17 20:16:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iyapm/anyone_else_worried_about_christmas_day/
---
on christmas day, my family likes to cook + eat a lot of food and i don't know how i'm gonna get out of it. ugh

---

[Rant/Rave] When you think things are going decently, and then in a matter of hours everything turns to shit.
/u/fuckthislol [5'8.5 | 52.6kg | 17.37/17.12 | Not enough | F]
Created: Sat Dec 17 18:36:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ixw3n/when_you_think_things_are_going_decently_and_then/
---
In the past less than 24 hours, since this morning to the middle of tonight, I've managed to put on 1.6kg, what the fuck, before I even weighed myself to find that shit out, I looked in the mirror and I was like holy fuck what happened, I looked pretty skinny this morning, now my thigh gap is barely existent, my knickers are cutting into my fat, and my stomach is literally sticking out fuck tons more than usual.
I've only eaten two meals, and a couple small snacks, definitely no more than regularly recently, so I don't understand what the fuck is happening, it's horrendous.

Also, I had a coffee way too late in the evening, to try and have a shit without senna laxatives, and now it means I'm just wired to fuck at half one am, when I have work in the morning, and I don't even have any fucking benzos to knock me out any more, cause I'm supposed to be sober, and to top it off, I didn't even have a shit, so I'm going have to senna it after work tomorrow anyway. I hate this, I hate everything. FUCK. I hate being sober.

Sorry to post such a complaining post, but I don't know where else to, and I need to vent. And I don't want to mention any of my shitty complaining to my bf cause he's literally just found out a family member has cancer, and my problems are nothing really. Idk, I just needed to vent I suppose, I need to sleep it off but there's just no chance of it happening for too long :(

Don't drink coffee at 9.30pm guys :/

Edit- okay, I just stood up and my fucking insides have started hurting, like behind the bottom of my ribs, idfk what's happening. Shit. Sorry for all the swearing :/

---

[Goal] Valentine's Day goal
/u/thinandmints [5'4 | 110 | 18.9 | -20 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 17 17:35:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ixmdq/valentines_day_goal/
---
I don't think I've posted before, I made this account forever ago and didn't post. But I'm back and ready to finally get down to my GW. According to [Losertown](http://www.losertown.org/eats/cal.php) if I eat 600-800 kcal a day I can get to about 100 pounds by Valentine's Day, give or take a pound depending on how well I do. I think knowing that there's a specific day I'm going towards is really going to help me. What are your goals for 2017?

---

[Rant/Rave] Ughhhhhh
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | sw 🐳 gw bones | 24F]
Created: Sat Dec 17 17:11:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ixi9o/ughhhhhh/
---
I've lost weight. I'm officially barely ONE pound overweight, and yet.. I still feel huge. I'm disgusting, just rolls everywhere and big floppy tits. My work pants feel more loose but still when I'm naked and look at myself I feel so nasty. :(

---

How to not make your body go into starvation mode
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Sat Dec 17 16:47:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ixec2/how_to_not_make_your_body_go_into_starvation_mode/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Sometimes when you step back it's actually not that bad. Feeling okay again
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 17 16:01:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ix6l9/sometimes_when_you_step_back_its_actually_not/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] Becoming depressed losing hope with lack of progress
/u/Stargaryenn
Created: Sat Dec 17 14:55:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iwv0a/becoming_depressed_losing_hope_with_lack_of/
---
Hey everyone, I really need help. I was 85 kg at my highest. I'm 5 ft 6.5. I feel so worthless now. My current weight is 65 kg and it has plateaud. I restricted myself to 600 calories to reach here but like an idiot I increased it to ~800. I know I should cut more - I have PCOS too. But I'm a giant loser and the lack of progress disheartens me.
I still have major love handles and saddlebags (fat on my outer thigh) They reduced but they are still HUGE. My aim is to reach 54-56 kgs but I need to know whether there is hope for me. Do you think I would lose these love handles and look toned if I reach 56 kgs AT LEAST? I'm back to 600 calories again but the progress just feels so slow. I need to be 54 kgs at least by February 16 so that gives me approximately 55 days to lose 10 kgs including my love handles. I'm scared 600 calories won't help I can barely see major difference from the last 10 days. I'm sick with worry now. I just need to know if there is hope I mean do you think even at 56 kgs I'll still look chubby like I do now? I don't want false expectations I need to see reality I'm so worried

---

[Help] Help, potential TMI warning
/u/NaejNire [5'9'' | 146 | 21.17 | -16]
Created: Sat Dec 17 14:21:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iwp5v/help_potential_tmi_warning/
---
Hey guys, on mobile so I can't flair.

I've been having this issue lately where sometimes after I purge, I get lower abdomen pains (similar to period cramps) and there will be some spotting and bleeding. I don't know if it's related or just something weird going on with my period/body, but it's concerning me.

Any ideas? Anyone ever have this happen?

---

[Intro] Hello my precious blueberries
/u/humblelikekanye [| 5'6 | CW 125 | - 60 lbs | F |]
Created: Sat Dec 17 13:14:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iwcyh/hello_my_precious_blueberries/
---
[removed]

---

[Intro] First time posting here.
/u/eQuoise12 [5'6 | CW 121 | GW 115 | UGW 110 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 17 13:10:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iwc5m/first_time_posting_here/
---
Hello!
I've been shadowing this subreddit like a crazy ghost for the past few days, and I've finally decided to make my intro.
I was always on the skinny side. All my life, I've never left the border of being underweight. I never worried about my body. But after a random weight check last year, I had realized that I had suddenly gained ten pounds in a matter of a week. (It was probably from bloating and water weight, but I didn't really know about those factors then.) I completely freaked out, and decided to diet.
I have qualities of a perfectionist and an overachiever, which is probably why the diet spiraled out of control. I hit a low weight of 112 fairly quickly, but soon after, I swung into bingeing.
I've been suffering from mild bulimia and BED ever since. Sometimes, I can go for weeks like a normal person, with no desire to binge whatsoever. Other times, I eat over 2500 calories in a single sitting, for days on end.
I haven't been able to reach out for help in real life because of shame and embarrassment. I'm hoping to find some comfort in this community.
Thank you everybody!

---

[Goal] "You are so thin"
/u/planningfallacy_ [5'4.5'' | 110lb | 18.6 | -20lb | F]
Created: Sat Dec 17 13:03:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iwau0/you_are_so_thin/
---
This happened a few days ago, right before my final exam. I befriended this cute asian girl, and we usually study together before quizzes and tests. So that day she looked at me after I came back from the bathroom, and asked me if I ever ate food. I just sort of laughed and said yes. She then frowned, and shook her head: "I don't think so. You are so thin when you walk, it looks like you could easily.. break." I then told her I had ADHD (true), and took stimulants (also true) which suppressed appetite, so I never felt hungry (not true). Her eyes widened, and she said that must be amazing, to never have to worry about getting fat or eating too much. I told her that not weighing enough came with a lot of health risks, but she looked so envious.

She wasn't overweight at all, I thought she weighed about the same as me (I mentioned this to a friend later and they told me that I definitely weighed less than her #dysphoria) at the time. I mean, I'm barely underweight and I feel a little chubby, it's just weird to realize other people don't see me that way.

---

[Help] DAE have a B shaped stomach?
/u/Teasustainslife [5'2,124.6! -42 all together, CGW 120, UGW 106 19F]
Created: Sat Dec 17 12:40:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iw6l5/dae_have_a_b_shaped_stomach/
---
This is something that I'm most insecure about. My stomach literally looks like a B. Like a smaller pocket of fat, a dimple where my belly button is and a larger bit of fat. It's not loose skin, I've tried stomach exercises but it doesn't seem to help, Losing weight doesn't seem to get rid of it. It honestly looks like the stomach of some morbidly obese person.

Am I broken or is this a natural variation?

---

[Discussion] How do you deal with severe constipation, bloating and weight gain from not eating enough?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 17 11:53:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ivxvz/how_do_you_deal_with_severe_constipation_bloating/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I am more focused when I have a crush on someone
/u/CassTheUltimateBA [5'10 | 163 | 23.4 | 47 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 17 10:02:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ivdal/i_am_more_focused_when_i_have_a_crush_on_someone/
---
I like this fella. I've been restricting very well recently, because Im pretty sure the feelings are mutual.

Anytime I get interested in someone it pushes me to be skinner, so I can look good for them.

---

[Help] Question about bingeing
/u/RickyWicky
Created: Sat Dec 17 10:01:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ivd32/question_about_bingeing/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Sick of trying to "recover"
/u/iwannagetbetter96 [5'10 | CW:130 | -25 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 17 09:43:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iv9vy/sick_of_trying_to_recover/
---
Hey guys! Sorry about the book, I've been gone for a bit.

So, I started restricting at the beginning of the semester and then added more and more exercise. When people started noticing (I was around 140), I slowed my progress and focused on school. I totally thought that I was "recovering", I went out to eat with my roommates, I didn't freak out (too much) over missed workouts or overeating meals. Then, finals started approaching. Long story short, the stress got to me, and I'm back. Weighing myself for the first time in weeks, I realized that I've still lost weight, even with the stress eating and slacking off!

Its kind of sick how happy I am about my accidental progress. Apparently, I've learned something, because I'm at my lowest weight since high school! And I got my first "she needs to eat a hamburger".

I'm so close close to being underweight, which is scary. I've never been this obvious about my disordered behavior. I actually wrote a final paper on eating disorders and beauty standards (okay hear me out- its a gender studies class and we always talk about sizeism but I felt like some of the girls in that class were really hurtful without meaning to be. They were almost perpetuating this idea that thin bodies are less than other bodies because thin bodies subscribe to the common beauty ideal? Has anyone else experienced this or am I overreacting? All bodies are beautiful bodies, except for mine lol) But anyways, my paper made me really think about body dysmorphia and everything.

The cool part that I wanted to share was that, while talking to my professor about this topic, she suggested going on a pro ana website as one of my resources! She actually said to me that it would be a great place to focus on because recovery is oftentimes forced on people with eating disorders, and its a feminist issue because everyone deserves to choose what they want with their own body. By restricting, I'm really just asserting agency over my own body. You know?

It made me wonder if she could be lurking somewhere on this site... haha. Anyways, it was really cool to hear about this community in such a positive, non-judgemental way. We aren't ready to deal with the consequences of recovery, so we reach out to each other to find much-needed support until that day comes. If anyone wants to talk, I'd love to hear what you have to say. :) Thanks for reading!

---

[Thinspo] My new background
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Sat Dec 17 09:41:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iv9lv/my_new_background/
---
I'm ready for a binge free year end. [I set a constant reminder as my backdrop](http://iob.imgur.com/uYGg/oxAj5Kcrbz)

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[Discussion] I'm completely addicted to watching these 10k cal challenge videos on this dreary day and I'm realizing a couple of things....
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 17 09:27:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iv73d/im_completely_addicted_to_watching_these_10k_cal/
---
One: It's so funny how I'm watching one of these videos and the girl says, "Okay, one of these chicken fingers is 150 cal" and in my mind Im like "what, that's seriously nothing, how will you ever get to 10k". And I seriously look at the chicken finger and think "so minor calorie wise". But if I shift perspective into my own head, I avoid that 150 cal chicken finger like the plague.

It makes me realize how warped my sense of calories are. Like I know that if I ate that chicken finger, I'd be like "haha you fat fuck, you ruined your whole day, just binge" when it reality it is a pretty minor amount of calories. I just can't be trusted not to turn 150cal into a 2000 cal binge so to me, 150 cal is dangerous.

Two: I'm currently watching Ashley Nocera's 10k cal challenge and she's in great shape, super healthy looking and beautiful. And I'm watching her eat all these things throughout her day and she looks JUST as healthy, beautiful, vibrant as the very beginning of the day before she started eating. I really really have this connotation that i'm "clean" and "delicate" and "pretty" and "put together" in the beginning of the day and as soon as I eat anything, I feel a bit less on point. And the more I eat (even if it's healthy - it's just the 'full' feeling that triggers this), the less attractive I feel. I know it's mental, but I SEE the difference in mirrors throughout the day and it weighs really hard on me.

Yet, here is video proof of her MASSIVE horrible binge and she isn't physically changing. And in the grand scheme of her month, this won't change her significantly.

It's just....mind fucking.

ALSO: UGH: fuck. So one part of me watches these videos and thinks, "yes, fast today, you're so clean and feeling great" and another part is screaming, "if she can do 10k cal you can have a cheat day of around 2000-3000 cal and it's fine!"

I'm conflicted as fuck. But I also started the /r/proed binge free week today :) so there's that to keep me from bingeing too.......

---

My phone screen to get me on track..
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 17 09:25:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iv6u6/my_phone_screen_to_get_me_on_track/
---
http://iob.imgur.com/uYGg/oxAj5Kcrbz

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Ham on holidays
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 17 08:53:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iv1bp/ham_on_holidays/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I need a game plan >.<
/u/lllbt
Created: Sat Dec 17 08:47:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iv0c3/i_need_a_game_plan/
---
So in the past couple of weeks I've been doing better than usual and have lost a good amount of weight in the past two months. But as we all know, the holidays are coming. And. I'm. Terrified. Not really for christmas, because I will be able to pick my own foods and what not, but for new years.

I'm going to go with my boyfriends' family on a four-five day trip where we will be traveling and drinking heavily and celebrating and go to bars and I'm terrified. Whenever I drink, i almost ALWAYS end up eating a good amount of food. And usually I don't purge because I don't like purging alcohol. I love drinking, a little too much sometimes. I've been good recently by not doing it a lot but I know this new years is going to be crazy and I'm scared I'm going to end up binge drinking and binge eating for the four-five days straight (like what I did during thanksgiving.)

Does anyone have tips about not binge eating when drinking? Do you guys have your go-to alc drinks that are low in calories? I need a game plan so that I don't end up binging like crazy :(

---

[Thinspo] Thinspo Video (m&f)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 17 08:36:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iuyh8/thinspo_video_mf/
---
https://youtu.be/eW0AuyCTBkU

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[Goal] Binge-Free Week: Day One!
/u/deanhipchester [5' | 114.2 lbs | 23.29 | -28 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Dec 17 08:28:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iux5f/bingefree_week_day_one/
---
I just want to thank all of you for joining me! I had some things said to me last night that may have just kicked me out of my b/p cycle but I'm so glad we'll all have each other's support!

Calling: /u/smallsmallersmallest /u/cuts-and-cats /u/pcrnography /u/so_hangry /u/mourir01 /u/abandonearth /u/edub12345 /u/fckk /u/chrissle_ /u/runnin-n-whey /u/vinome /u/what_u_callme /u/naejnire /u/water-coffee-tea /u/daeboo

I'm not so sure about you guys but it's morning for me! Here's my plan for today:

* **Food:** I'm going to be fasting today

* **Goals:** Finish textbook readings and until CH10 of questions for exam tomorrow, Make an MPA accountability post (?), upload body check pics

What's up with you guys? How was your day so far? Do you have goals set out for this week or anything particular planned? And most importantly, HOW EXCITED ARE YOU TO MAKE TODAY A BINGE-FREE DAY?!?

P.S. if you'd like to be added, just let me know!

---

[Rant/Rave] My brother is the ken doll golden child and I feel like a failure compared to him
/u/ramargo
Created: Sat Dec 17 07:07:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iuljf/my_brother_is_the_ken_doll_golden_child_and_i/
---
My brother comes home from boot camp today and I should be happy and excited to see him but all I feel is dread and anxiety. He is the lean, fitness fanatic gym bro golden child and my whole family is obsessed with him. Like at holidays when my family comes we all go to his little gym in the basement and he shows us all of his crazy acrobatic exercises and poses on his gymnast rings. It's weird as hell. And family/family friends are constantly all "oh I wish I had a daughter/niece/granddaughter/friend to set him up with!!! He's such a handsome lad!!!". I feel like a failure. He is everything that I'm not. He's confident, in shape, assertive, cool-headed and it's a stark contrast to me, this neurotic, Susan Boyle-esque frump queen whose weight is constantly fluctuating up or down. :( And to make it worse he is very controlling and condescending, like he pretty much acts like an authoritative figure over me which makes me feel even more pathetic. He'll also blatantly give these unwarranted body critiques like "your legs look out of shape" and "you should tone up your arms" and I just sit there and fucking take it. I've gained 10-15 pounds since the last time I saw him when he left for boot camp, so I'm feeling insane anxiety about seeing him like this. Ugh. I've binged twice in the past 24 hours and I know I'm struggling with a depressive episode right now, so these feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy might be especially amped up, but they are still here and very real. I just want to disappear today. :(

---

[Discussion] DAE not exercise that much? Have you seen a lot of weight loss without exercising?
/u/vinome [5'3 | CW128 | BMI22.1 | GW110 | 25F]
Created: Sat Dec 17 06:18:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iuf90/dae_not_exercise_that_much_have_you_seen_a_lot_of/
---
I go through ups and downs about exercising and recently, I have absolutely no motivation and am too depressed and anxious to go to the gym. I am restricting and trying to limit my b/p cycles (proving a lot harder than I'd like). What is your exercising regimen like? Can I still lose without exercising (I mean obviously I will, but I don't want to be "skinny fat")?

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I give up on myself
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 17 06:13:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iuelt/i_give_up_on_myself/
---
[deleted]

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! December 17, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Dec 17 05:07:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iu7cr/stupid_questions_saturday_december_17_2016/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for December 17, 2016.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 17, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Dec 17 05:07:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iu7c5/daily_food_diary_december_17_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 17, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Tip] Charcoal
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 17 05:01:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iu6n3/charcoal/
---
[removed]

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[Other] I'm doing okay today
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Sat Dec 17 04:51:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iu5p1/im_doing_okay_today/
---
I feel like my body dysmorphia has been deactivated. Or maybe it's because I've lost most of my bloat. IDK. Today is just a good day. DAE have these moments of clarity?

On phone/can't flair

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[Rant/Rave] Pressured into drinking; URGH.
/u/BecomingJessica
Created: Sat Dec 17 02:19:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5itqky/pressured_into_drinking_urgh/
---
Was out for my work's Christmas night out last night and had convinced myself I wasn't going to drink during it for weeks beforehand, but I still so show ended up feeling pressured into it. Feel so, so shitty now. I've purged this morning but I know that most of those calories I can do nothing about now.

My mum came to pick me up at the end of the night and I barely remember it at all; I've woken up with a McDonald's mozzarella stick wrapper next to my bed so I'm assuming that must have happened and I'm just so so gutted.

I hate drinking. I hate alcohol. I regret everything about last night. Why did I feel I needed to do it? Urgghhhhhhh!

Has anyone else felt pressured into drinking before and really regretted it afterwards?

---

[Discussion] does anyone else love trashy media?
/u/bvvvg
Created: Sat Dec 17 02:12:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5itpwg/does_anyone_else_love_trashy_media/
---
i absolutely love reading really bad books or watching bad movies about eating disorders. i see some people complain about how unrealistic they are but i couldn't give a shit, they're fun!

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[Rant/Rave] Lmao @ me
/u/teasnob22 [5'3" | CW: 95.7 | GW: 88 | 17.43 | -22 | F | Vegan AF]
Created: Sat Dec 17 01:30:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5itlzs/lmao_me/
---
I went out drinking a couple of days ago, and absolutely destroyed myself (that's another story lol), which always means I wake up the next morning with a hella sore mouth. I think alcohol dries my mouth up or something, meaning that all the tissue in my mouth gets mad. Seeing as my throwing up all the time makes my dry mouth worse, it was super bad this time, so I'm left with a dry, sore mouth days later. Not to mention my glands are STILL swollen to high heaven, and are incredibly tender. I also have acid reflux.

So the last thing I would want to do is binge, right??? Lol no. Fucked up yesterday and today, and I feel like death and my teeth are screaming and my tongue is puffy and sore and I can feel my salivary glands pressing into my mouth and oh my god don't even talk to me about my hard palette. This is a fucking DISASTER and I will never be able to control myself around food :)))))

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Why am I such a fatass
/u/Ms_IreneAdler [5'3" | CW 167.8 ]
Created: Sat Dec 17 01:10:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5itjxk/rant_why_am_i_such_a_fatass/
---
The past 3 days Ive been binging and now it's like Im always hungry. Im so frustrated at myself cause Im not sure if Ill be able to get to my New years goal now. Not to mention for a month, Ive been really good and have lost a decent amount. Now i just feel like Im out of control and beckpedaling my way to where I started. Ugh I just hate feeling so out of control. I think my biggest problem is being bored and then somehow my fatass brain thinks Im hungry and then soon enough food is all i cant think about. Anyways, that's all for today's rant. Hope everyone's day is going better. Oh and sorry for no flair, Im on mobile.

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[Help] How to deal with weakness/ low blood sugar?
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 112 | 20.4 | -56| GW: 105| 20.48]
Created: Sat Dec 17 01:09:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5itjw8/how_to_deal_with_weakness_low_blood_sugar/
---
I honestly have not experienced much by the way of physical hunger lately, but I have been effortlessly restricting more than usual and the only thing that is making it more difficult is the weakness/ dizziness. I am fairly sure this is some combo of low blood sugar and low blood pressure but beyond Powerade zeros and loads of rest does anyone have any tips for how to feel slightly less shitty?

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[Help] Broke my teeth what to eat
/u/avocadobooze
Created: Sat Dec 17 00:47:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ithmh/broke_my_teeth_what_to_eat/
---
Hi,

I need your help :(
Wednesday evening I fell on my chin.
I needed stitches, my jaw is bruised and last but not least my right back tooth is chipped off a bit and my left back tooth is split in half.
Now I cant eat anything that is a little bit hard to chew.
I was used to living on veggies and fruit but I cant eat them now.
I hate soup.
Do you have tips for low-calorie (obviously), easy chewable food that's not soup?

Thanks a lot!

---

[Rant/Rave] Omg 😭
/u/seron_x
Created: Fri Dec 16 23:43:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ita11/omg/
---
My mother invited family over so I had to eat what she made ( it was good ) but I don't know how many calories where in it, and the whole time I was eating it I felt sick, I only ate a small bowl so I hope it's around 300 calories ~ish~ and I've already consumed 57 I hope nothing bad happens. 😭

AND NOW I FEEL LIKE BINGE EATING ?!?!

Sorry I don't know how to flair

---

[Discussion] One big meal vs many small meals throughout the day?
/u/sneakyboyz [5'4 | no | -10 |]
Created: Fri Dec 16 21:52:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5isuur/one_big_meal_vs_many_small_meals_throughout_the/
---
Which works better for y'all? It seems like the majority prefers to eat lowcal meals for the most part, but does anyone find it more effective to eat all of your calories in one meal?

---

[Help] Anyone have any tips to help me get back to barely having any sort of hunger throughout the day? I had a binge 3 days ago and now my stomach's gotten bigger and I actually get hungry now. :(
/u/llamadude00
Created: Fri Dec 16 21:46:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5isu2n/anyone_have_any_tips_to_help_me_get_back_to/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Who's your thinspo right now?
/u/Navelpudding [5' 6" | 185 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 16 21:02:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5isnyx/whos_your_thinspo_right_now/
---
I have been binge watching Scream Queens on Hulu and omg there's this Victoria Secret commercial that is also total thinspo. It inspired me to start working out while watching. Who's inspiring you right now?

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[Tip] Freezing to death and 20 calorie hot chocolate
/u/Castoroilexperiment [5'6 | 105 | 29F| 17.68]
Created: Fri Dec 16 20:21:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ishxc/freezing_to_death_and_20_calorie_hot_chocolate/
---
This is some weight watchers recipe I found. I know they have premade packets but I'm cheap af.


Hot Cocoa



1 Tablespoon Unsweetened Cocoa Powder

2 ½ Tablespoons Splenda Sugar Substitute (I used liquid drops, eliminates 4 calories, yahhhh)

¼ Teaspoon Vanilla Extract

1 Cup Boiling Water or Skim Milk (h2o for sure)



Mix together dry ingredients in mug and pour 1 cup water over mixing until well blended. Add vanilla extract and stir. Allow to cool and serve.

---

[Rant/Rave] I don't know why I'm sharing this
/u/light_hollow_space [5'4 | CW: 141 | BMI 24 | -54 | F | GW: 115 | LW: 99 | SW: 195]
Created: Fri Dec 16 20:07:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5isfqp/i_dont_know_why_im_sharing_this/
---
I once used clen while I was lifting and it was the best for getting lean muscle and reducing fat. It reduced appetite for awhile and then I was starving. It also made me feel like I was literally about to have a heart attack most of the time. I was at one of my most self-destructive times around then.

I'm so much better off now with my prescribed add meds. They are actually working on my add and helping keep my appetite in check. So yeah, gentle amphetamines are now my life blood. It's almost so good, I almost want to make an altar to it. It's contentment in a bottle for me. I can go go go and do do do and not have to feel feel feel and hurt hurt hurt like for most of my life.

But it's too good to be true --- in a way --- and I fear fallout at some point.

Thankful my psychiatrist is awesome, thats huge. Also I'm keeping on a steadily low dose and forcing myself to stay nourished to a certain degree so I don't go down in flames, eating between 600 - 1000 calories a day, depending on the day. (for me, amphetamines + no food = crazy person with crazy eyes acting crazy, so eat each evening).

All day on no-cal liquids (coffee/diet soda) until about 8 pm and then I eat -- and go to bed 2 hours later before I really start to get hungry.

I take a sleep aid that helps knock me out. If I'm asleep I can' t eat. When I wake up all I want to do is empty out as much as I can and not take anything in so I can get a real idea of what I actually weigh. I immediately take my meds tho so that they start to work and take away my hunger and give me energy and make want to not-die today. Then I weigh myself, write it down on a post-it and then under it I write my next goal weight and stick it to my mirror. I'm OCD about that, because ever since I started doing it I have not gained a pound but just keep losing.

This week I have lost almost a pound a day, which is more than I ever have before. I also decided that my goal weight should be 115 instead of 125. If I am 115 (or, tbh, even 110) I will feel more secure and not worry as much if my weight fluctuates up. I think it will be easier to maintain.

So far I've been doing minimal exercise -- mostly just walking more and also constant leg tapping (side effect of my meds - awesome calorie burner and I actually find it fun at this point because its bouncy and I like that. I'm such a kid).

Next month I want to start going to the gym to lift weights and do more cardio. I will have to switch to supplementing with protein powder twice a day and then dinner at night if I start working out each day. I'm definitely scared of figuring out how I manage calories with exercise.

Last time I got low purely on will power, unmedicated, and I burned more than I ate each day, but I was always starving, especially at night. I ended up b/p several times and then I fell into it as a habit. It got so I didn't want to eat anything without purging. I saw blood and I got scared and stopped.

I never want to feel compelled to do that again. I love my control. I want that. I have so many thinspiration women where I work, the motivation is fabulous. One I especially admire gave me a ton of advices on intermittent fasting and what she does and following that has helped to get me where I am today. (Seriously, this woman is so many things I wish I could be, she is amazing and I am in awe of her; and she went through hell growing up with her pyscho family).

So I am in this weird place. I'm still way too fat for anyone to call me on my eating behaviors, and my boyfriend has been awesomely supportive (sometimes he asks me if I ate enough but that's it, and he always trusts my answer). I know that I am not totally sucked in at the moment because I am maintaining such balance (thank you, antidepressants!) so I just feel really strange -- like I am doing something subversive, but also really really good for me, and getting a ton of positive feedback for it.

Just can't talk to anyone I know about it because they'd be up in my grill about restricting. I am such an introvert and I tend to blurt things out that sound wrong when I mean something sooo different. So, I just never felt that great at making friends. I even feel so awkward posting on here, like there's no way anyone wants to read this crap. Except I have really taken solace in reading y'all's experiences -- made me feel way less alone. So, I wanted to just get honest and say what was going on for me. Random af, but there you go.

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[Intro] Intro: Not new just not hiding anymore
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 16 19:47:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5isct2/intro_not_new_just_not_hiding_anymore/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My TDEE is 2000, Completely sedentary?!
/u/Teasustainslife [5'2,124.6! -42 all together, CGW 120, UGW 106 19F]
Created: Fri Dec 16 17:50:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5irunc/my_tdee_is_2000_completely_sedentary/
---
It's not that I'm complaining, I'm just surprised. I know usually when I hear "Average woman needs 2000" I think "yeah right!". I had suspicions of this though because if I eat 800 constantly I lose near 3 pounds a week and 1200 is 1.5-2 pounds a week.

I'm short(5'2), Extremely lazy(Most exercise I get is getting food every week), I'm 19 and I stopped growing years ago(However I am at a 'normal' weight). I've been keeping track of my deficit vs how much I've lost for the last three weeks and it's around 1890-2200 for my TDEE.

I'm quite happy to know this, I'm curious if the math is truly right though. I'm going into maintenance in January for some reasons so I get to test it then!

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[Help] [help] I just c&s for the first time
/u/daughterofpolonius
Created: Fri Dec 16 17:40:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5irsxz/help_i_just_cs_for_the_first_time/
---
I'm on mobile, I'm sorry :(

So It was two plain donuts.

And I accidentally swallowed a tiny bit. It was the leftovers that were still in my mouth after the initial "big" spit of food. Mostly just sugary saliva; I'm not sure there was any actual food that went down.

Regardless, it sent me into a panic and I tried to purge. Which I have never been able to successfully do. I did get a little bit up, but I know it was only water that came up; I chugged 1000mL before trying to purge.

And now I feel like a fat, disgusting shit bag. I know that I logically didn't take in many calories at all, and I probably didn't mess anything up for my day, but I swear I can *feel* my belly getting fatter. I can *feel* the double-chin coming in.

Can I have some encouragement? Have any of you ever tried to purge after c&s? I just feel like shit and want to commiserate with someone haha.

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[Help] How often to binge without ruining progress?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | 158 |26.8| -37 | F |]
Created: Fri Dec 16 17:15:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iros5/how_often_to_binge_without_ruining_progress/
---
I'm sure this has been asked before but couldn't seem to find anything so sorry if this is a repeat. Lately I've been so so much better about restricting with relatively no binge days and I think I finally have control. There have been two binges though in that time. How many times is it acceptable to binge without completely ruining everything? Thanks. Also I don't purge so anything I eat absorb :/

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[Rant/Rave] Thank you guys for understanding.
/u/MissMagus
Created: Fri Dec 16 16:05:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ircl0/thank_you_guys_for_understanding/
---
It's been a really bad week. Mentally I'm destroyed. Physically I'm beyond weak and feel disgusting. I don't think I've consumed over 400 cals daily for like the past month now. Any calories I have been consuming has been alcohol and low calorie vegetable soup. My BMs are the same consistency as the soup. It's fucking foul. I've lost a shit ton of weight. Like...a lot more than I thought I did, and I thought I was aiming low. Finally weighed myself today. I should be happy about that, but I'm not. At all. I've actually been trying to eat but I cant, my stomach starts cramping up really bad and it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up. I get cold sweats and start dry heaving. I bought a fucking BACON CHEESEBURGER two days ago and couldn't even swallow the second bite cause I upchucked stomach acid into my mouth. A fucking bacon cheeseburger. I don't even like meat. I just wanted some fat and protein in my body. I never thought I'd be mad at myself for NOT eating a fucking bacon cheeseburger.

I'm just tried of feeling overwhelmed by the stupidest shit....I know nutrition would do me well, but I literally can't stomach it. Weeds not even helping. I'm just depressed and feel extremely self destructive. Everyone around me keeps asking for my help with their lives, and I oblige to keep myself occupied. It's wearing me thin. I can't get shitfaced on an empty stomach every night cause I'm stressed about my life, as well as like 4 other people's lives. It's making me sick.

I threw up my wine last night just cause I think my body expected food and my stomach started convulsing. BUT I kept drinking till I didn't feel sick anymore. And I'm about to go next door to the corner store and buy more booze even though I know it's a terrible idea. I just don't want to feel helpless. I get shitty off two beers cause I don't fucking eat. It's awesome and awful at the same time. Why am I doing this to myself.

I just want to scream. I want to hide from the world and drink and starve myself to death. I don't want to feel this way, and when I drink I forget how much I'm fucking myself up.

I needed to vent. Anywhere or anyone else would lecture me and make me feel like an even bigger piece of shit than I already am. You guys understand at least a little. I really appreciate this space. It's just a reminder that I'm not alone even when I feel lonelier than I ever have. Thanks.

Cheers.

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[Rant/Rave] DAE have a compulsive need to binge after eating over their daily goal?
/u/ramargo
Created: Fri Dec 16 15:46:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ir90p/dae_have_a_compulsive_need_to_binge_after_eating/
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Almost all of my binges begin with a nurturing voice making excuses to eat maintenence or even just a couple hundred calories above my daily goal. I know the book Brain Over Binge names this call to binge the animal voice/brain but for me it's like a sweet little grandmotherly voice. Picture Tree Trunks from Adventure Time with her damn apple pies. In the middle of all of my self-loathing this weird little voice comes from a place of kindness and wants me to eat to be alert during exams, get through a day of work without feeling weak etc. But then my all-or-nothing mentality kicks in and I completely lose control. The only way that I feel safe from binging is when I can block that nurturing voice out, which seems really messed up when I write it out like that. :/ Ugh. Guys I just hate food so much. It is terrifying and restriction is the only way I can cope and feel somewhat happy&safe. Fuck you, Tree Trunks voice.:( Fuck you, disgusting dining hall pizza.

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[Rant/Rave] Cheese destroyed me
/u/erilaz- [5'7 | CW: 173 | GW: 110 | -57lbs | F]
Created: Fri Dec 16 15:29:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ir626/cheese_destroyed_me/
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I binged on a chicken quesadilla and 6oz of queso and got sick. I'm not sure if I'm becoming lactose intolerant or if my usually low intake made my body reject the food. Idk but it made me sad cause I can't work when I have to go to the bathroom every ten minutes. This sucks.

(Mobile no flair!)

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[Help] Does c&s count as breaking a fast?
/u/headroom3 [5,4 | 150 | 25.7 | 2.5lb | 13M]
Created: Fri Dec 16 15:15:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ir3bf/does_cs_count_as_breaking_a_fast/
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I shoved a ton of peppermint bark in my fat mouth without thinking and I spit it out. Does this count as breaking a fast? I'm worried about the calories that were left in my mouth if that makes sense. I rinsed my mouth out with water but I don't want 10 calories to break it

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[Rant/Rave] Pray for me.
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 62.6 | GW: < 57 | 20.92/20.67 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 16 15:01:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ir0iy/pray_for_me/
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Tomorrow I'm flying back to the states for Christmas. I'm going to Minnesota, but at least I won't be cold because of all of the fat-laden, high carb meals I'll be expected to eat. XD

Kill me.

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[Rant/Rave] When you're so easy to drag down.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 16 14:03:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iqpnk/when_youre_so_easy_to_drag_down/
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[deleted]

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[Other] Another binge-free week thread?
/u/deanhipchester [5' | 114.2 lbs | 23.29 | -28 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Dec 16 13:58:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iqooh/another_bingefree_week_thread/
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I've been binging for most of this week and purged for the first time in months today so I thought another one of these threads might help me.

Anyone want to join in? I know it's holiday season and a lot of you celebrate Christmas so it might be hard but let me know if you're interested!!! First day will be tomorrow (Saturday, December 17th for me)

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[Help] DAE gain weight from having a cold?
/u/fatal11fem [5'2 | CW:124 | GW:100 | -6]
Created: Fri Dec 16 13:12:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iqfey/dae_gain_weight_from_having_a_cold/
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Okay so, I noticed my throat was a bit scratchy 2 days ago so I just decided to water fast 24 hours but then the next morning I gained 2 pounds!
I flipped out because I have a date with my BF tonight and wanted to feel cute so I fasted again yesterday as well and last night I started feeling really sleepy and sick so i just went to bed early with no appetite.
Now, this morning I have a full blown cold and to make it worse I stepped on the scale to see it up 1 pound from yesterday.

Logically I know I cant gain weight from eating nothing for 2 days but I just wanna know if anyone else has noticed a weight gain from a common cold? I googled it and some people seemed to report gaining 5 pounds or so but they don't have the same eating habits as me so I just don't trust them :/
Thanks in advance <3

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[Discussion] My promise ring keeps falling off! AKA problems I didn't consider before I lost the weight
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 107.8 | BMI:21 l GW 90| -36.2 l F]
Created: Fri Dec 16 12:41:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iq9ab/my_promise_ring_keeps_falling_off_aka_problems_i/
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At this point, I've lost 33 lbs, and I'm only 21 lbs away from my goal weight! (I'll probably lower it to 80 when I get there, though, lol)

I feel so much better, but now my promise ring keeps slipping off my ring finger when I wash my hands or take a shower, so I have to remember to take it off now, lest it fall into the drain! D:

I never really considered this would happen, haha. Just like I didn't think about how annoying it is to constantly have to keep buying new clothes as I drop more and more weight. Things I bought 20 lbs ago that I love now look sloppy on me. ):

At least I still have some clothes in storage from my LW I could go grab now that I'm only about 10 lbs away from it.. But I'm saving those until I get to at least 99.

Any one else experience problems you didn't know you would have as you lose weight?

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[Discussion] DAE the people with "BED" should get their own subreddit?
/u/Therteem1
Created: Fri Dec 16 12:20:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iq4za/dae_the_people_with_bed_should_get_their_own/
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[removed]

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[Help] "Logic support"/help with anxiety about intake?
/u/allieee212 [5'1" | 85.6 lb | 16.97 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 16 12:04:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iq1iw/logic_supporthelp_with_anxiety_about_intake/
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I hope I'm not posting too much, but here goes.

I'm looking for help with anxiety/confusion about calories and what other people do, I guess. (Please please talk to me... sorry if that sounds too desperate.)

So I try to count calories in everything I eat, like multivitamins and Diet Cokes and even have a buffer for toothpaste. I try really really hard to get everything down and I try to overestimate on grams (plan in 75g but weigh out 73-74g) and it just... bothers me when I see people unintentionally (? Like math error wise, logging in a whole for a half) overestimate calories. I sometimes browse 1200isplenty and when I check the calories of the recipes sometimes they're overestimated and I feel like I've done all the work for nothing and I've been "beaten" by others. Like I'm pretty sure it's unintentional in cases like the serving size is 2 tbsp and the recipe says to use 1 tbsp but the calorie calculation uses the amount for 2 tbsp.

My logic here is... *guess I didn't really eat 2 ounces of meat, even though I weighed out 2 ounces. One serving size on the package is 4 ounces, so it must be 4. I have to log in 4. Less is better... less is better. I'll eat 1000 calories and pretend I had 2000 to make me go down even more in intake.*

*"I'm gonna eat a smaller portion size to reduce the calories of that! Wait, but I can't really log it in as less~ haha, I'm being too precise by ever thinking that half a sandwich was significantly less than a whole sandwich!"*

This makes me wonder... do people on that subreddit really overestimate more than underestimate? Am I perceiving everything wrongly and mentally emphasizing the overestimated instances more, like a sort of dysmorphic/ED logic? :x

I really want to just say I ate one of something when I ate one of it. Say I did what I actually did. But I feel so guilty. When my anxiety was better I was happy logging calories... and now I feel guilty for ever allowing myself to eat what I logged in. (Because I gotta overestimate right?)

Another related problem is, I have a 1000 calorie limit and I already thought that was much less than what normal non-ED people ate. But I feel like my meals don't look that small. I'm able to eat 4 and sometimes 5 times a day. I feel like sometimes the people around me actually don't eat that much but I'm sure of my intake as well. That can't be true... right?

ETA: Please don't tell me to stop counting... it isn't about being obsessive about counting, it's about feeling the pressure that I CANNOT be accurate, that I have to say I ate twice the calories I actually did, to always be super inaccurately overestimating.

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[Discussion] Alcohol calories?
/u/GrammarNaughtsy [5'3" | 102 | GW: 98 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 16 10:53:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ipmqk/alcohol_calories/
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Do the calories in alcohol get absorbed moreso when A, you do the drunkorexia thing so you get drunk faster, but B, do you retain the calories if you vomit the alcohol all up a few hours later? ... Asking for a friend :')

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[Help] Im so fucking tired!
/u/So_hangry
Created: Fri Dec 16 10:48:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ipltd/im_so_fucking_tired/
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I could literally sleep ALL day!

I've been restricting my food and caffiene but I thinking about going back on caffiene just actually be awake during daytime

Anyone have any tips?

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[Rant/Rave] I have to stop purging and I don't know why I can't get this through my head.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | | F]
Created: Fri Dec 16 10:25:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ipgvd/i_have_to_stop_purging_and_i_dont_know_why_i_cant/
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I have to walk up 7 flights of stairs to get to my apartment and every time my heart feels like it's going to burst. My resting heart rate is through the roof and it's horrible. I purging via vomiting, exercise, and laxatives. I might as well sign my own death certificate for heart failure.

I go back home for the holidays on Tuesday. I can't purge there. And I get back on the 1st. One of my resolutions is to stop purging. So ideally today would be the last day I do it.

Purging is just so stupid. If I try to explain out loud why it appeals to me, I sound insane. But the rush of endorphins afterwards is just magnificent. It really is like a high. The world just seems to slide into place, even just for a little bit.

I'm so tired of this. Years and years of wasted time, energy, and money. I can be purge-free for a day, then 2, then 3, then a week.

I just have to take it a day at a time.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] I don't look like other people my weight?!
/u/Vogue_Wh0re [5'5 | 110lbs | 18.1 | -25 | genderqueer]
Created: Fri Dec 16 09:43:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ip8dm/rant_i_dont_look_like_other_people_my_weight/
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First post here so sorry it's a negative one!

Whenever I look at peoples before/after photos who are a similar height/weight to me, I get so discouraged! I'll see photos of people at 5'4 / 112lbs or who have a higher bmi than I do but they're bones are so much more pronounced. They have bigger thigh gaps and prominent ribs, collarbones that jut out and obvious hip bones..

It's just really upsetting to know that I weight less than them but still look so huge in comparison. Even at my lowest which was 102lbs I still can only just see my ribs if I bend over in front of the mirror? I just want to gain control over something in my life but it's so disheartening to feel like I'll never get there. :c

Does anyone else experience this?

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[Help] Chest pain? :(
/u/ramargo
Created: Fri Dec 16 09:28:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ip58q/chest_pain/
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I just felt a few sharp, quick chest pains when I stood up. They came and went for probably about 30 seconds and now they're gone, but I'm really scared. I restricted kind of low for two days at the beginning of the week, one day 150cals and 600 the next, but for the past few days I've been eating 1000-1300 because I have exams that I need to be alert for. Does anybody have any insight about the chest pains? I've had awful anxiety this week and a couple borderline panic attacks so maybe that has something to do with it? I don't know. :( Now I'm just terrified that I'm going to have a heart attack and I am scared to google it because I know that will make me even more anxious.

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[Other] :(
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 112.2 18.18 | 22F]
Created: Fri Dec 16 08:57:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ioyxr/_/
---
This is goodbye. Tomorrow I'm going to request the mods to block me for two or three months.

I love this community so much and it's hard to leave the support and the company of people who understand. But this is the only thing I can really control about my eating disorder and I'm going to give it a shot.

My boyfriend confronted me the other day and said that I am "not really trying" to get my disordered behavior under control. Part of this is just him coming from a totally normal standpoint, so what is manageable for me is dangerous to him. But it's also fairly true. I still want to hold onto as much of my eating disorder as I can while still living a "normal" life. I don't want to recover 100%. 75% is the most I can imagine. I don't want to gain a single pound and I don't want to eat three meals a day and I don't want to exercise fewer than five times per week and I don't want to eat maintenance calories.

But I also don't want to live like this anymore. I wish this could be a goodbye letter to the anxiety around eating and dressing rooms and full-length mirrors and the dreams about binging and the obsession over ed-related documentaries and googling the calories in 1 M&M and avoiding showers because I can't stand to see my body naked. I'm tired of all of this.

I'm tired of waking up exhausted.

I'm scared of this eating disorder ruining everything I want in life. I want to marry my boyfriend and I want us to have a family. What if my irregular periods make it difficult or impossible to get pregnant? What if gaining weight while pregnant is too scary and I relapse and injure the child? What if I pass my eating habits on to my little sister or my future children? I want to write books and I can hardly manage a coherent paragraph when it feels like my brain is being shrunken hunger pang by hunger pang.

So yeah. Even though I don't really want to recover, I don't want to live like this anymore. Something has to change and right now the only concrete thing I can do is remove this community from my life. At least for now. Maybe I'll need it again. I hope not.

To each and every one of you, I wish the very best. I hope that reaching your goal weight is every bit as thrilling as you had hoped. I hope that if you realize your goal weight doesn't matter as much as it used to, you are able to move on gracefully. Please take care of yourselves. Take your medications and vitamins and drink ALL of the water. Talk to friends (face-to-face or online), cuddle with your pets, get out of the house and enjoy the fresh air every now and then. Unplug. Don't be so hard on yourselves. You are all worth so much. Thank you for everything.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm a terrible person :(
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | sw 🐳 gw bones | 24F]
Created: Fri Dec 16 06:18:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5io73j/im_a_terrible_person/
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I found this obese woman on YouTube who made a video about this disgusting challenge called 10k or some shit and it's where you try to eat TEN THOUSAND CALORIES in one day... I found it so awful and nasty that I took a screenshot of her stuffing her face and saved it on my phone as motivation to eat less. I feel so mean.

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! December 16, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Dec 16 05:10:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5inxh8/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
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This is the weekly picture thread for December 16, 2016.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

**Rules**

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host.

Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, inspiration behind your OOTD (trying to look thin or cover up weightloss, etc.)!

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 16, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Dec 16 05:10:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5inxgj/daily_food_diary_december_16_2016/
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This is a daily food diary thread for December 16, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Apparently I am some kind of 'inspiration' to non-disordered people and I don't know if that's a good thing.
/u/woollyshirt [172cm | 53kg | 17.76 | -35kg | M]
Created: Fri Dec 16 04:35:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5insvh/apparently_i_am_some_kind_of_inspiration_to/
---
My stepmum told me after getting back from the gym(!!) that wants to start eating better, drinking less, and exercising more because she thinks that there's no reason she can't do it given I have 'done it.' I know her health issues from drinking/bad eating are starting to catch up with her too so I feel like I actually believe her this time. She did say she didn't think she could always eat like me though but she can do it 'sometimes.' (lol) but I can't decide how to feel about this. I'm underweight and my life is controlled by food.

on one hand:

* if people think i am the picture of health, they won't suspect i have an ED (good)
* i feel like my family respect my decision to be vegan and see it as 'healthy' so i can be calm about it and don't have to worry about them being rude or disrespectful
* if they don't suspect i have an ED and just think I am a Super Health Nut (tm) then I have a good excuse to get out of food-based social stuff
* christmas is coming up and if I eat differently it won't be seen as a disordered thing

but also:

* it hurts that i'm suffering internally and people don't recognise that
* i feel bad that my bmi is this low and people still think i am healthy
* i feel bad my bmi is this low and apparently im not thin enough for people to think i'm actually sick
* i don't want my family to care about nutrition because then they might start paying more attention to my food
* similarly, i like that we eat differently, because then it's so easy for me to continue cooking for myself and myself only and I don't have to eat anything they cook

I don't know. I feel like normal people don't need to 'decide' how to feel either but this whole thing feels so weird. Have any of you ever been through something like this (particularly if you're underweight or close to it??) because this won't stop playing on my mind as I feel like I can't reach any kind of conclusion about it.

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[Discussion] Calorie notebook instead of mfp?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 165 | BMI 28.3 | -0lbs | F]
Created: Fri Dec 16 02:09:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5inccg/calorie_notebook_instead_of_mfp/
---
Does anyone else use this method of counting calories in a hard notebook instead of the my fitness pal app? I usually maintain weight between how much restricting and binging I do but I've started to gain again on top of the 40lbs I already need to lose.

I've used my fitness pal for years and it just isn't helping me that much anymore, I've become numb to putting in 3k calories for the day and seeing the number turn red.

I'm wondering if a physical journal would be more "real" to me and if anyone else can relate.

On mobile, can't flare

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[Rant/Rave] Need a quick confidence boost? Try Old Navy's jeans!
/u/zingerthrow [61" | 126 | 24.8 | -40lb | F]
Created: Fri Dec 16 01:01:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5in4r0/need_a_quick_confidence_boost_try_old_navys_jeans/
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I found out recently that I wear a size 0 in Old Navy jeans, which is ridiculous vanity sizing, but then I realized that regardless of knowing that, it still made me feel okay for a moment :) Idk. Just thought I'd share in case anyone can get cheered up by small things like this. Whatever size you wear with other brands, Old Navy will bring you down a few sizes.

It felt really interesting slipping on smaller sized jeans and having them slide on without a struggle. When I was at my largest, I remembered the dread of pulling a pair of jeans up to my knees and not being able to get them up any further.

My next goal is to be able to get into a size 0 from standard stores, and then size 0 from "stricter" stores like H&M.

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I want to start the ABC diet but..
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 15 22:16:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5imjin/i_want_to_start_the_abc_diet_but/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] So frustrated
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Thu Dec 15 21:53:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5img5n/so_frustrated/
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[removed]

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[Intro] You think you're in control until you realize something else is controlling you.
/u/Teasustainslife [5'2,124.6! -42 all together, CGW 120, UGW 106 19F]
Created: Thu Dec 15 21:35:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5imdcz/you_think_youre_in_control_until_you_realize/
---
New here, I periodically post on places like this, Disappear when I think I'm being a fake and then come back because it's the only place I really relate and it calms me.

I've had odd eating habits for a very long time, No particular reason set them off. I've gotten into habits of starving all day to binge at night(How I gained 30-40 pounds), Taking out food groups for no reason but I'm afraid to eat them and so on. It wasn't until I was 17 though when I realized I wanted to lose some weight because I started having to buy larger sizes then I ever had so I started with a 'normal' diet, Then it spiraled into eating less and less while obsessing over more and more. Even B/P a few times. After 5 months and a 45 pound weight loss I forced myself into going back into normal eating because I was destroying my life. I was relatively okay for quite a few months until I realized I gained weight which set me off into another "diet" where I started with 1200 calories and now I'm barely hitting 600-700 again. At first I honestly thought I could control myself and diet without setting myself off, But now I know something else controls me.

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[Thinspo] A beautiful song. As a guy, the dude in this music video is my thinspo.
/u/apiirr [6" | 218 | 30 | -70lbs | male/21]
Created: Thu Dec 15 21:19:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5imatz/a_beautiful_song_as_a_guy_the_dude_in_this_music/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hzg3CPHrwbE

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[Rant/Rave] There's no point to anything.
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: 100 | -35 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 15 20:53:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5im6y5/theres_no_point_to_anything/
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I hate this. I spend everyday lonely and feeling like I have no purpose. I'm average and nothing extraordinary. I get B's in my honors classes, I am never good enough at bowling or tennis and I'm painfully awkward, forgetful, and a klutz. Everyone thinks I'm a happy go lucky extroverted person on the outside but inside I just secretly wish I was dead. I'm lonely and I feel like I am working towards a future of nothing and all I have is this stupid eating disorder where I look longingly in the mirror for that ever so growing thigh gap. I have no appetite and I just don't care anymore about food. I don't care that I overeat anymore. I don't care that I eat at all. I just want to watch myself waste away the way I am, my body growing ever weaker and weaker as I can't do cardio for more than 15 freaking minutes anymore. I have this stupid eating disorder to put some purpose into my life but damn if it is the worst thing to live for.

I'm a horrible person. I have a boyfriend who wants the best for me and I feel like he alone should give me drive and make life feel full of purpose again but I still wanna die ahahhhhhhhh

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[Discussion] 4 day binge. I'm owning it.
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 15 20:34:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5im3rl/4_day_binge_im_owning_it/
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Have yall ever had binges where it's like atleast it's quantity not quality! Meaning a jar of peanuts a fuck load of chex and 2 banana nut muffins
Good fucking satan I just fed my stomach an army's worth of food. The guilt is cleverly disguised as humor. PASS THE WHISKEY PLEASE

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[Rant/Rave] amphetamine...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 15 20:29:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5im2zr/amphetamine/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I fucking hate sharing a kitchen
/u/lovelysilliness
Created: Thu Dec 15 20:13:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5im0aa/i_fucking_hate_sharing_a_kitchen/
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I have been planning on eating my version of ramen all fucking week and I have been really excited about it and planning my calories on it and my mom used the last of the vegetable bouillon i need for it and i am so irrationally upset. I moved home recently and the amount of times i have carefully fucking planned what I wanted to eat and had someone else finish it first is so fucking aggravating. On of my main reasons I pissed I don't have my own kitchen anymore is that now I don't ever know how much of any food there is at any given moment. I pick my foods so fucking carefully and think about it a lot before I decide to eat and it is so obnoxious to go find that it's not fucking there anymore. Jesus fuck I'm just so mad and frustrated right now. This has ruined what was going to be a great day.

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[Discussion] DAE have experience they can share about outpatient treatment?
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| fatty | GW 145 | -32.6lbs | 25F]
Created: Thu Dec 15 19:49:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ilw8r/dae_have_experience_they_can_share_about/
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Can't flair, do not own a computer:(

I've been referred to a clinic that does outpatient for mental health/substance abuse - I'm given a choice to go because of my severe depression/anxiety, it's gotten so bad I've started hallucinating and having suicidal thoughts/severe food intake restriction BUT I'm not under weight so they weren't concerned about the eating disorder which I don't fucking understand...I'm going to bring it up I guess if it helps get over my obsessive thoughts and wanting to hurt myself...

I'm very fucking nervous especially about the group therapy part, the program is 4 days a week for 3 hours a night. I have a huge issue with sharing my issues let alone talking to people I don't know about my personal life... I had a huge break down in front of my counselor today about that...not a good time.... I just don't trust third parties and I'm not sure how this is going to pan out, I want to give up already but I want to stop feeling like a fat fucking piece of shit.

Can I have some thoughts on outpatient care?

I appreciate you and love you guys!!

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[Rant/Rave] Fucking hate that I have to eat dinner every night
/u/headroom3 [5,4 | 150 | 25.7 | 2.5lb | 13M]
Created: Thu Dec 15 19:03:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iloc1/fucking_hate_that_i_have_to_eat_dinner_every_night/
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Spitting out food can only do so much. My mom had anorexia for most of her life and I can't believe she hasn't noticed my eating habits yet. I'm still 27 bmi and seem to be getting fatter (my watch seems tighter) despite only eating dinner every night. I can't count calories with dinner and most of it is soups and food that isn't really able to be thrown out easily. I want to fast for a week so bad but I can't and I feel so fat

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[Discussion] DAE feel guilty for enjoying food, even if it is low calorie?
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 112 | 20.4 | -56| GW: 105| 20.48]
Created: Thu Dec 15 18:54:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ilmva/dae_feel_guilty_for_enjoying_food_even_if_it_is/
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I have a dreadful fear of carbs. The only carb (aside from vegetables and the carbs in quest bars) that I consistently eat is rice cakes. I recently started buying the flavored ones (~50 calories a piece) and they are DELICIOUS. But recently, rice cakes have sort of stopped being a safe food. I feel guilty every time I eat them, even if I am well within my allotted calories for the day. It feels like I am weak for needing to eat tasty foods/indulge. Like I am glutinous for wanting to enjoy food.

It is so awful and irrational to be feeling the same caliber of guilt and ickiness that I would with a binge when I know that I have only eaten something with 50 calories in it, but I can't seem to shake it.

Does anyone else experience this?

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Why am I always bloated? Fuck this
/u/Spacekittyyyyy
Created: Thu Dec 15 18:05:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ileat/why_am_i_always_bloated_fuck_this/
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[removed]

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[Goal] Promise to self: not eating any trash today!!!
/u/ixxybitsy [5'2 | 137.8 lbs | 25.4 | -44 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Dec 15 18:03:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ildun/promise_to_self_not_eating_any_trash_today/
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I'm going to a school Christmas parade in a bit and it's a super big deal. I have to do stuff for my org and also I have rotc duties so I can't afford to skip it, but what's annoying is that there is trash food everywhere and it's nigh inescapable. I have a plan, though:

- gonna buy fruits and ziplock em before going to school
- I ordered a box of quiches from my friend (ugh why); I'll have one at the most and then give away the rest to my orgmates
- I am going to drink only water or diet soda, if diet soda doesn't exist I'll go thirsty

I'll update this post after the parade so I can tell you guys how I did!!! I just want to be more accountable.

I've struggled with terribad BMI all my life and and I binged last week then I checked my weight and realized that for a while I was actually on normal BMI... then I had to fuck it up by eating like a fucking pig. I won't let that happen again. The goal is to get and maintain normal BMI throughout the holidays. I can do it! I WILL do it!

(On mobile, can't flair!)

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[Rant/Rave] [TW] I hate letting my eating disorder control me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 15 17:28:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5il7q9/tw_i_hate_letting_my_eating_disorder_control_me/
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[deleted]

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[Intro] I ate over 1000 calories today
/u/So_hangry
Created: Thu Dec 15 16:46:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ikzvb/i_ate_over_1000_calories_today/
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Probably about 1200

I feel so disgusting

My bf keeps hugging me and grabbing my fat bits. I dont want him touching me

I asked him if he agreed my fat was disgusting...then he accused me of finding him disgusting because if my fat disgusts me then I MUST be disgusted by his -_-

I have no life, no job, no money, my family and I dont talk because I called out my dads abuse (they constantly say they love me but not the me acting out/behaving this way...dont they realise that is the real me? They dont love the real me, they love the fantasy version of their daughter), i feel powerless in my relationship my bf can kick me out any moment and make me homeless/ he has panics if i leave the house without notice because of a suicide attempt i had a couple of months ago. Hes says of course im allowed to go out alone but i have to update him and tell him what im doing and insists we do everything together anyway. I feel so fucking trapped

I have no friends, im shit at having friends. Im selfish and selfcentered and dont look out for people

Im not in control of my anxiety and depression, they over take my life and cannot afford therapy

All I can do is control my food and im still failing that. I want to just be beautiful. I know ill always feel shit on the inside but can I at least look great on the outside please?

Tldr: im sorry for rambling, im so ashamed of stuffing my face just now. Im new here...

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[Discussion] Any gamers here?
/u/capture_the_excite
Created: Thu Dec 15 14:53:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ikdl7/any_gamers_here/
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Just wondering if anybody else here likes to play video games and maybe get a gaming group together on Steam if anybody is interested.

My profile link is http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198016934212/

Post yours if you want to join the group!

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[Rant/Rave] I had to let my mom feel my fat today
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 25.11 | -60lbs | M]
Created: Thu Dec 15 14:49:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ikcra/i_had_to_let_my_mom_feel_my_fat_today/
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Even though I've explained like twenty times that I'm still at the high end of overweight my mother keeps telling me that "there's nothing left to you" "you need to stop dieting" "I only see you in sweatshirts but I magically know what your body looks like" and on and on. Finally today I just grabbed the roll of my stomach through my shirt to prove it and she came over and pinched it. Now I'm spiraling and panicking because I can't stop thinking about how now she knows I'm so fat like she fucking touched my gross disgusting obese body I want to die >.<

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[Help] Help Guesstimating a Restaurant Meal's Calories??
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 112 | 20.4 | -56| GW: 105| 20.48]
Created: Thu Dec 15 14:02:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ik2sh/help_guesstimating_a_restaurant_meals_calories/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Seeing someone new is scary when you have an ED.
/u/damnthesethighs [fattyfatfatfat]
Created: Thu Dec 15 12:27:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ijih9/seeing_someone_new_is_scary_when_you_have_an_ed/
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I had him over for the first time last night and I had nothing in my fridge but diet sodas and alcohol. I mumbled something about needing groceries and moved us to the couch.

We haven't fucked yet, but it got pretty heavy at one point and he had his hands all over me and I could feel him feeling my ribs and hip bones. But at the same time everywhere he touched suddenly grew rolls and I became self conscious.

I want him to see me naked, but in my mind it has to be on a good day when I haven't touched a thing and I don't feel bloated and disgusting. I want to be perfect, not even for him but for me. I want to see him take me in and know he can't see a flaw.



But people with EDs are perfectionists. So I know that no matter when it happens and how much I really want this I'll still be secretly terrified and want all the lights off, and hope he closes his eyes.

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[Discussion] Weird "fear foods"?
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 112.2 18.18 | 22F]
Created: Thu Dec 15 11:52:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ijar4/weird_fear_foods/
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I know "fear food" is a recovery-based term, but what are your "never" foods? Have any weird ones or things that don't make sense?

Me personally - I can't eat cereal. I stopped liking it with milk in early high school because I can't stand soggy food and then only ate raisin bran and then once I hit college I stopped eating any kind of cereal ever. Can't remember the last time I had a bowl or even a handful of any kind of cereal. I know it's the base for a lot of healthy diets, but I don't know. I can't bring bring myself to touch it. I think in college so many people ate it for every meal that I associated it with gaining the freshman fifteen or whatever.

Another one: hamburger buns. I like bread, don't get me wrong, but I can't stand hamburger buns. They get soggy so quickly with the juices and I can't justify the calories they add on. This one makes a little more sense, but still. It's kinda random.

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[Discussion] Do you have stretch marks?
/u/wanderingrugrat [5'0" | cw: 111 lbs | gw: 90 lbs | f]
Created: Thu Dec 15 11:30:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ij5zf/do_you_have_stretch_marks/
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If so, what (if anything) have you found helps to lessen the appearance? Does losing weight help them go away? How do you find they affect your perception of yourself & your ED?

I have some on my hips from gaining weight. They suck.

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[Help] Wisdom teeth surgery
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 15 11:13:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ij29r/wisdom_teeth_surgery/
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[deleted]

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[Goal] I've been b/p free for a day now!
/u/twigsandbones [5'5.5 | cw; fat | bmi: fat | 19f]
Created: Thu Dec 15 10:59:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iiz45/ive_been_bp_free_for_a_day_now/
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I know it's nothing major but today in the first time in a around a month I've been b/p free. This is the worst cycle I've been in as 9/10 days I would be going out and buying so much food. The weight gain from doing it everyday has caught up with me and is something I have to deal with but I feel motivated to get to ugw by 2017.

To those who are stuck in a cycle with b/ping or just binging, I promise there is an end to it.

What's helped me personally is know what my triggers are and saying that this won't be my last day of binging/purging as I know it's going to happen. At first, it's just about reducing them and then maybe thinking about stopping them as I know going cold turkey has led me doing it more and more.

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[Other] when they burn a crisp on Supersize vs Superskinny...............
/u/Suusss [\\ 5'6" // cw114.5 \\ -9.8 //]
Created: Thu Dec 15 10:16:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iiq30/when_they_burn_a_crisp_on_supersize_vs_superskinny/
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[removed]

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Why would you tell me that? 😒
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 15 09:52:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iikuw/why_would_you_tell_me_that/
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http://i.imgur.com/XpCsKOo.jpg

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[Tip] Watercolor painting is all about accepting your lack of control and finding beauty in it.
/u/cannibale101 [5'4 | HW:150smtg | CW: 115.2 | GW:108 | 28F]
Created: Thu Dec 15 09:33:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iigub/watercolor_painting_is_all_about_accepting_your/
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The thing with watercolor painting as opposed to acrylic or oil painting is that you have to work as a team with the water, which pretty much takes your initial color and trait, and then blurs it up, blends it with the other colors and makes new patterns you have little to no control on.

My art can be kind of boring when done only with my own traits and full-on control (with pencils or acrylic mostly ; i love drawing with regular graphite). If i try and let the brush dance with the water though, the result is so much prettier, more natural and fluid and unexpected, so much that it doesn't completely feels like i did it myself only. But it requires to let go of my desire for control.

I figured i could exercise that release of control "dance with the water" vibe and eventually transfer it to other areas of my life.

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[Rant/Rave] I hate being average
/u/commtra [5'7 | BMI: 22 | GW:100 | -30 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 15 09:30:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iig82/i_hate_being_average/
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So sick of being of normal weight & size. I'm craving extremes, don't even really care which side of the bmi spectrum they are, at this point I think I just want some attention.

So confused with my feelings these past few months, I don't know what I want and I'm questioning my illness.

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[Rant/Rave] My mind is getting fucked up
/u/sprinkle1997 [5'2 | CW 129 GW 100 | -25 lbs | 19F]
Created: Thu Dec 15 09:20:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iidy0/my_mind_is_getting_fucked_up/
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Yes, my mind was already consumed by ED, but the degree of it has been raised significantly over the past couple of months. I think this is also associated with my own low self esteem and trying to make myself feel better about what I do, but whenever I see or hear people eat I feel disgusted. When I see people, the first thing I do is examine their body and even people thinner than me don't look thin enough. I have disgusting, mean thoughts about my loved ones and people I don't even know. I hate it, I don't want to be like this. It's sick. I'm sick.

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[Rant/Rave] My Fitness Pal triggered the fuck out of me.
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.2 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 15 09:10:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iiby2/my_fitness_pal_triggered_the_fuck_out_of_me/
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My fitness pal says I've lost 8 lbs when I've lost 17.2??? It makes me feel like I haven't made progress at all even though I have. I think I have to edit my SW maybe? But still.

 
Also, my step-mom got her gallbladder removed and is losing weight rapidly, when I told my dad that I'm around her same weight he said, "Oh, really??" and I don't know if I'm taking it the wrong way but it made me so upset.

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[Thinspo] thinspo
/u/skinnyb0y [5´10 | 139 | 19.44 | -4lbs | male]
Created: Thu Dec 15 09:03:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iiajf/thinspo/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bJfY7SNmWE

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[Rant/Rave] DAE get embarrassed to tell people how much weight they've lost/gained?
/u/coffeecoffeecoffee90 [5'5" | CW: 129 | GW: 120 | -30 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 15 07:27:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ihs25/dae_get_embarrassed_to_tell_people_how_much/
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I had to answer some questions to apply for supplemental disability/life insurance and one of them apparently is along the lines of "Has your weight changed more than 10 lbs in the last year?". The answer is yes, 30 lbs lost, which I should be proud of if I wasn't fucked up. Except I don't think anyone here is proud of their behavior.

The fucking nurse had the nerve to not even believe me and act all shocked that I at any point weighed 30 lbs more than I did now. Like was that supposed to be a compliment? It makes me not want to tell anyone ever again that I lost any weight and just pretend I was never a fatass who would binge on chips and ice cream when I was home alone. She even seemed shocked that I hadn't gained any of it back. Some of us have decent amounts of self control, lady. Before she left she was telling me about some stupid recipe for taco soup she makes (that I didn't ask for) that was canned everything PLUS a packet each of taco seasoning and ranch dressing mix. Why would I ever make that.

I was so embarrassed and wished I hadn't said anything.

Edit: forgot to add the part where after she drew my blood I started to peel an orange and she was like aren't you going to make dinner? Like bitch this is my dinner leave me alone.

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[Help] Leg bouncing?
/u/mikey-way [5'2 | 115.8 | 21.94| -15 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 15 05:25:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ih8dz/leg_bouncing/
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[removed]

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support December 15, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Dec 15 05:07:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ih5z5/weekly_emotional_support_december_15_2016/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 15, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Dec 15 05:06:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ih5yr/daily_food_diary_december_15_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 15, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Help] Cooking + serving sizes, advice?
/u/larpin94
Created: Thu Dec 15 03:04:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5igr4d/cooking_serving_sizes_advice/
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I log everything into MyFitnessPal and am aware of the recipes/serving size functions, but still I get incredibly anxious having to cook something with more than 1 serving size.

I have done it before and weighed everything out into the correct ratios, but still at the back of my mind I worry something hasn't been calculated right or there are differences in ingredient concentrations and usually end up being too scared to eat any more servings.

This especially is the case for baked stuff like bread, but even casseroles and soups are difficult for me to cook without being concerned.

Does anyone have any advice on getting over this? I try to make meals for 1, but this just ends up being so restrictive and you can barely use much oil accurately.

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[Help] Period problems
/u/ResurrectionOfMarion
Created: Thu Dec 15 01:31:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5igghw/period_problems/
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How much weight do any of you with a cycle put on like the day before your period? I've been eating absolutely nothing the past week and apparently I've gained 3.1/2 lbs?!

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[Rant/Rave] Me and my boyfriend want to start working out but I'm so pathetically weak.
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: 100 | -35 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 21:48:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ifl8g/me_and_my_boyfriend_want_to_start_working_out_but/
---
I've been restricting to an average of 700 calories a day and I can't even do more than a 5 minute core warm up and 15 minutes of cardio. That was by myself "for conditioning." I'm going to fall so behind when we start doing it together. Ugh, I want to be fit now and I feel like I'd be okay with stopping at 105 pounds which is BMI 18.5 for me, and I want to build muscle too. I can't bring myself to actually eat more protein and stuff though. It's too hard and scary.

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[Rant/Rave] My roommate had more calories in one meal than I had all day
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Wed Dec 14 21:44:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ifkqd/my_roommate_had_more_calories_in_one_meal_than_i/
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I'm psycho and count other people's calories, especially my roommate's because I'm around her a lot. Today I counted her dinner cals and it was higher than my entire intake today. I'm so satisfied by it

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[Discussion] What's your ideal body?
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 20:33:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5if9bz/whats_your_ideal_body/
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If you could look like anyone, who'd you be? I'll admit, I have a soft spot for Ryan Ross or any kinda lesbian looking lad. Skinny, adorable, boney and tall. David Bowie looks real good as well.

On phone/can't flair

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Skinny diet.. I want to start this next week.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 14 19:52:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5if294/skinny_diet_i_want_to_start_this_next_week/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/b7384d9c5a164849ae303d1951a17a9a?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=f0d3e0bbe8340eba8846bfca8455641a

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[Rant/Rave] Just got broken up with today.
/u/llamadude00
Created: Wed Dec 14 19:45:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5if10a/just_got_broken_up_with_today/
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Might as well fully invest my life into this, since I'm not worth keeping around. I've been eating at my usual medium-heavy deficits these past few months and today I ate at maintenance because I was just so sad. Heavy deficits it is now... not like I have anything else. Maybe I'll get so tiny I'll just waste away. Maybe people will care when I'm gone.

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[Rant/Rave] I think I need to relapse (again)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 14 19:40:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5if00y/i_think_i_need_to_relapse_again/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] DAE cry when your food is EXACTLY how you want it?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 14 19:15:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ievqq/dae_cry_when_your_food_is_exactly_how_you_want_it/
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[deleted]

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[Other] He had no idea
/u/culiest
Created: Wed Dec 14 18:34:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ieohb/he_had_no_idea/
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[removed]

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[Intro] New to Reddit, but not to disordered eating. (Long post, sorry.)
/u/PersonaThief [5' 2.5" | 140.8 lbs | 26.2 BMI | -33.2 lbs | Male | 23]
Created: Wed Dec 14 18:09:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iejvj/new_to_reddit_but_not_to_disordered_eating_long/
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(Anyone who wants the jist can skip down to the TL;DR at the bottom.)

Hello all. As I said in the title, I'm (sorta) new to Reddit as a whole (really only just got into it like a few weeks ago) but I've had issues with food and weight and self-image my entire life. Just so you know, I'm a dude.

When I was little, I had a thyroid problem. I can actually trace each phase back through old photos, but what would happen is every few years -- my body would flip-flop between completely Hypothyroid, and off-the-charts Hyperthyroid. To the point that it was life-threatening. By the time I got obsessive about actual numbers, I was fluctuating between 120 lbs, and 180 lbs.

I discovered that this was because, while Hyper, my metabolism was trying to kill me. Among other things. My heartrate was 130 bpm resting, and any exercise at all shot me up to 180 bpm, and even as high as 210+ bpm. Because of this, I had to eat pretty large meals, several times a day, on top of regular snacking just about on the hour. If I didn't? I was absolutely exhausted and in excruciating pain. I was a pretty healthy eater, my mother being an absolute health freak, and so this only became a problem when I would suddenly switch thyroid phases.

While Hypo, I was simply used to eating a certain way. Regularly. Constantly, really. And ridiculously large portions. Hence, shortly after the "switch" -- I would steadily balloon and gain up to 60 lbs.

Long story short, this only began to bother me when I was finally put in public school. When I began to really "notice" it. You see, I'd been largely home-schooled until middle school -- and then I entered the lovely world of judgement by others and constantly comparing myself to everyone around me. Completely by accident (by observing the habits of others that I considered to be more "normal" than I), I discovered restriction -- and when I realized I was gaining weight again, I began to "play" with how I ate.

As time went on, my attempts at controlling my weight in the only way I knew how became more and more desperate as my mental health worsened. You see, I have a lot of physical health problems that now have me in a wheelchair, and exercise is next to impossible for me due to pain.

Doctors, having largely ignored my pleas for help and descriptions of what was going on with me my entire life, finally went, "UHHH. You're dying!" when I was around 12-14 or so. They immediately tried to control my thyroid with medication, to no avail. It was then suggested that I have it surgically removed, and I stupidly refused. I was absolutely terrified of dying under the knife.

When I was about 20, I no longer had a choice. My thyroid levels were legitimately killing me, and I was rushed into the ER for surgery. Now, see, when you don't have a thyroid -- they put you on synthetic thyroid. Usually, an "average" dose is about 125 mcg. I'd been on such a dose in the past. For whatever reason, my endocrinologist refused to allow me this dose, and cut me all the way down to a meager 88 mcg.

Within just a few months, I'd ballooned right back out to 165 lbs (+45 from where I was pre-surgery) and showed all the signs of Hypothyroidism. Still, my endocrinologist refused. A very unfortunate comment from a housemate then sparked the worst restrictive episode I had ever had. It was relatively short, before someone "intervened" and I was essentially forced to temporarily "recover" -- but I dropped roughly 30 lbs. It was the first time I'd ever actively counted calories and weighed myself daily and kept absolute track of everything. I never went over 800 calories, and had been dropping that number before a friend realized just how much weight I'd lost, and just how fast.

Skipping ahead, having mostly "succeeded," the very same housemate made another very unfortunate comment. Another episode. Again, I began to restrict EVEN MORE intensely, cycling my calories between 0 and 600 a day -- averaging a mere 3,000 calories a week. It took only 2-3 months, and I dropped down about 35 lbs. Again, a friend noticed, but this time I only went back to eating semi-normally, and have since maintained that loss.

I've been trying desperately to maintain some normal semblance of eating, but in truth? I have no idea what that looks like. And now, for the last 2 months, I've had HORRIBLE stomach-pains and unusual bleeding and nausea that accompanies food. These feelings last hours after I've actually eaten, and only subside by the time I have to eat again. I've seen several doctors, had a colonoscopy and endoscopy. As per usual, I have been informed that there's nothing wrong and that they "can't help me." They really don't seem to care. But I really do feel awful every time I try to eat. I didn't need another "excuse" to stop eating, and I'm worried this is gonna spiral into yet-another episode. I'd been doing so well, and trying so hard! I'm at the lowest weight I've been in like 3 years, and I'm just 20-25 lbs away from the lowest weight I've been in my entire adult life, and I want so badly to be able to look at myself and not see some disgusting blob. To find just one thing about myself that I actually like.

Anyway, there's my story -- sorry it's so long. Just kinda needed to get all that out, and I'm looking for a little support. I'm teetering on the edge of just not eating at all any more (it's a literal, physical pain), and this time, I'd have a better idea of how to do it without as many people noticing. (Before, I did it under the guise of trying to lose weight the "healthy" way, but I was "too good" at it -- and was giving people actual weight-loss numbers because I was so "proud" of them. Oops.)

**FOR ANYONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO READ ALL THAT, TL;DR:** I have lots of medical problems, and one rendered me basically incapable of having a normal relationship with food. Severe mental health issues on top of it, and I tend to restrict rather heavily at the drop of a hat. A new physical mystery issue that causes me great pain and discomfort every time I eat may end up causing me to start restricting again, and I'm trying rather desperately not to. :c Looking for a little support.

Hope you're all having a nice day. Cookie to anyone who actually read the whole thing.

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[Other] Standing in the kitchen
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 17:27:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ieb84/standing_in_the_kitchen/
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Hating my rounded calories but praising them for covering the random bites. Made dinner. I'm just standing here to smell. My dinner is whiskey. I'm feeling scared of the random bites I took today. Tommorrow I will not eat ANYTHING I can't track. New dawn. New day. I'll live. 100.4 lbs. Same as my birth date lol. I don't know what I have but it certainly isn't this. My brain feels fractured. A day without responsibility but lots of things to do would be nice for some reason. I start new tommorrow. New clean and honest.

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/rave] Well, that's one way to end a binge cycle...
/u/descendingscales [5'7 | 160 | 25.1 | -50lbs | F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 17:26:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ieb10/rantrave_well_thats_one_way_to_end_a_binge_cycle/
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I basically had three days of binging this weekend (likely 2000+ calories including alcohol) but now I'm on my second day of ridiculous strep throat 😞 yeah, I might be miserable, but at least I'm not out of control anymore. I've consumed a grand total of half a teaspoon of yogurt and medication since Monday. I'm laying in bed doing nothing, but maybe I'll get lucky and still lose weight.

Ha I'm so fucked up for being thankful about being so sick

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[Discussion] Grocery shopping?
/u/Skinnystems
Created: Wed Dec 14 16:55:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ie5wy/grocery_shopping/
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Headed to Public grocery store tonight, may I ask you guys for your thoughts and ideas of what I should buy? What are your favorite essentials? Safe foods, meals and what not?

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[Goal] Day 14 of 22
/u/xcris19x [5'3 | FATFATFAT | Fat | F | -13lbs | UGW: 90/95 |]
Created: Wed Dec 14 16:09:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5idwso/day_14_of_22/
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I'm far ahead of schedule. Despite my binge and purge days, I've lost a significant amount of weight. My wife has noticed now, even after what she said to me the other day.

So my diet to kick start the end of the year and get my shit together started on the 1st of December and runs through till the 22nd. I started at weight A. I've officially gone down almost 12 pounds thus far. I'm way ahead of schedule to reach weight B.

If I keep this up, by my birthday month (April) I should be almost where I want to be. The only thing is that my ultimate/under goal weight has changed (less than it was before).

Anyways, this is more of a rave since I've never actually been as happy as I am right now (and I'm not even that happy) -at least not in a very long time.

I hope everyone else is having an excellent Wednesday as well. Stay strong. xx

edit: as an extra, here is one of my favorite thinspo images. [Hips for days](http://i.imgur.com/RYg7Tin.jpg)

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[Rant/Rave] oh my fucking god.
/u/capture_the_excite
Created: Wed Dec 14 15:59:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5idunk/oh_my_fucking_god/
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There is a yoghurt I really like that's 60kcals for the whole container (and 9g of protein!) that I've been eating for the last six-or-something years. It has been a staple both throughout ED and recovery.

The packaging changed a couple of months ago and today I was bored at work so decided to pick it up and read it. THEY CHANGED THE RECIPE AND NOW IT'S 70KCALS. That has to add up to hundreds of extra calories in the last few months. WHY DID THEY CHANGE IT IT WAS GREAT BEFORE.

omg I'm having a meltdown over ten calories. -_-

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[Rant/Rave] So stressed out :///
/u/_____Lurker_____ [5'2" | CW: 127 | 23.2 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 14:52:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5idgsy/so_stressed_out/
---
My life is just a constant cycle of restricting and binging. I hate it so much. After a week of restricting flawlessly I fucked it all up on Monday and I've been eating like a pig ever since. I just want to be thin but I'm too gross and weak to do that, apparently, ugh!! I'm trying to think of a way to punish myself so I can prevent this but I honestly have no idea,,, I was so excited to be thinner by Christmas and I just want a nice jawline and cheekbones and small legs but I fucked it up. So bad. But I can do it, right? I'll just focus on tomorrow. It's times like these in which I really wish I wasn't emetophobic so I could actually purge all of the garbage in my stomach.

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[Discussion] My mom made a comment to me last night that I can't stop thinking about...(on mobile and I don't know how to flair sorry!!)
/u/mgonzo11
Created: Wed Dec 14 14:29:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5idbw6/my_mom_made_a_comment_to_me_last_night_that_i/
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Last night, my mom was commenting on how much smaller I've gotten (lost approx. 50 lbs now), and she told me now I need to stop losing and start maintaining. I explained to her that I'm definitely still overweight (141 lbs, 5'1"), and she didn't believe me! I had to step on the scale to prove it.

I love her, and I know she has good intentions. I don't want to worry her but I'm not going to stop losing anytime soon. I don't really expect advice, though it would be highly appreciated if there is anything to say. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has gone through anything similar?

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[Rant/Rave] Something I wrote three and a half years ago, still relevant.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 14 14:03:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5id67l/something_i_wrote_three_and_a_half_years_ago/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Thought I could just be healthy. Nope. It's the choice between hardly eating or being an eating machine.
/u/notthinohno [161cm |Too Much | A Big Number | - Not Enough lbs | F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 13:06:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5icu3y/thought_i_could_just_be_healthy_nope_its_the/
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First of all, I am so aware that I have it easier than so many of you, I am privileged in that I have a choice. But food still rules everything, and i'm unhappy.

I had some good things going on in my life so I tentatively stepped away from the thoughts about thinness that were ruling my life, thinking that this happiness could extend to my thoughts about my body. But it seems it's not a choice to be so obsessed with food - either it's obsession with not eating or obsession with eating everything.

I have put on weight. A lot. The only example I need give is I just ate an entire chocolate gateaux by myself. I wouldn't have thought it possible to secretly buy, defrost, and eat such a thing in a four person household, but there you go - i'm that ridiculous.

I feel awful. I feel embarrassed. So there you go. Back on the sub, back on the ephedrine, back to control. I don't know if i'll be any happier, but at least I won't be fatter.

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[Discussion] Does anyone love reading food diaries? I thought this one by writer Stephanie LaCava was very interesting.
/u/wildstylemeth0d
Created: Wed Dec 14 12:39:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ico3r/does_anyone_love_reading_food_diaries_i_thought/
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http://www.grubstreet.com/2014/07/stephanie-lacava-grub-street-diet.html

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[Discussion] Really Interesting Food Diary by writer Stephanie LaCava
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 14 12:38:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5icntv/really_interesting_food_diary_by_writer_stephanie/
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http://www.grubstreet.com/2014/07/stephanie-lacava-grub-street-diet.html

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[Other] Story Time - feat. Donuts
/u/ooo5936 [5'6" | 128lbs | 20.47 | GW: <114 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 12:00:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5icfow/story_time_feat_donuts/
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Yesterday I did something weird that I never done before. I've b/p before, but it was different.

I bought a whole box of those mini powdered donuts because they were calling out to me. I get home - have the serving size - all is good. 20 minutes passes. I eat another serving. 20 minutes. Another serving. At this point I am disgusted with myself. I start chugging water between servings. There's two donuts left - I have just chugged 50 oz of water and like 20 donuts. I close the box with two donuts left. I calmly pull my hair back. Stand over the toilet. Bye bye donuts. No more donuts, no more breakfast.

I wash my face/hands and start cleaning the toilet when I hear a knock on the door. It's my brother-in-law (I guess my husband and him made plans without me knowing). I open the door, confused, and say,

"Wow you came at a *reaaallllllyyyy* good time!"

"Why's that?"

"No reason."

I finish cleaning the toilet, brush my teeth and he doesn't question any of it. Then I offer the last two donuts to him and he eats them.

The ONLY reason I ate the donuts was so I could huck them up. That's what was different about this b/p sesh yesterday. I've never bought/ate something for the sole purpose of tasting them and throwing them up.

Thinking about it now I probably should have chewed and spit. Would have saved me a lot of time.



TL;DR - I'm weird and good with timing.

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[Help] Pie in the Fridge
/u/eatdrinksmokegreen [5'4" | 133 lbs | 23.2 | -37 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 11:33:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ic9rh/pie_in_the_fridge/
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My god... How do i not eat it?!?! Pineapple pie perfection made by the Amish... My bf brought home a slice of it for me yesterday :( So thoughtful yet such torture!!! Headed up stairs, far from the kitchen, to start cleaning... That will help... I'll even tackle the bathroom first...

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[Goal] I ate a 300 calorie protein flapjack after the gym today... and didn't cry about it!
/u/smokesanddietcokes [Everybody's Fool]
Created: Wed Dec 14 11:31:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ic9f4/i_ate_a_300_calorie_protein_flapjack_after_the/
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This is big for me :) Yay!

So, I'm trying to bulk over winter. I'm not promising recovery, or thinking about that aspect of it, because that's too overwhelming for me right now.. I just decided that it's a logically good choice - it's 'bulking season', eating a lot of healthy clean bulk type foods will help me resist holiday junk foods because I wont be so hungry, and the fact that last week my PT gave me a killer new routine geared towards epic muscle gainz for the next two months kind of sealed the deal. It's a great opportunity and I'm trying not to over think it. (trying lol).

I didn't do so well the last couple of days. Monday and Tuesday I usually try to fast, and if I give in and eat on those days it brings a lot of guilt. So eating those days was really difficult. I managed 800 calories on Monday (eventually.. had to stuff in a couple of nut bars to reach that before sleep) and 600 yesterday (Tuesday)... no where near enough for a bulk, but I got a lot of protein in that and at least it's better than fasting. I also really noticed even that little difference at the gym today!

So today I decided to jump into what I perceive as the 'deep end', and planned to just eat a protein flapjack on the way back from the gym. Just stick it in there. Don't think about it. So I finished my session (went well!), and had the flapjack unwrapped the moment I stepped out the door... and just ate it :) And it was okay! I think I was pretty hyped from having a good session.

It sounds so silly typing this out, but this is seriously huge. Protein bars etc are a 'treat' food as far as I'm concerned.. and this oaty protein flapjack had carbs which are usually a huge no-no for me on any day besides Sunday. And 300 calories for ONE protein bar is usually a massive NO to me too. But I did it! My rules for protein bars are.. either a Quest bar, OR a protein bar/chews under 150kcal, and also only one on Sundays. And I totally broke all of those in one go, haha!

Now I'm home I'm starting to panic about it a little (read: quite a lot..), and feel bad, so I thought posting here about how actually great it was that I did that would help :)

I have a bit more to eat today if I want to hit my calorie and macro goal and it's very important I do, since I havn't done so well the last couple of days and now I've actually been the gym, I have some muscle to bulk up! I think that will be okay though, I have some less scary foods on the menu for this evening, thanks to the flapjack after the gym taking a chunk out of what I need to et today, and so will try to chill about it.

Yay for protein flapjacks :D

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] eating disordery comics
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 14 10:43:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ibyii/eating_disordery_comics/
---
http://imgur.com/a/CqLTR?

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[Rant/Rave] When a friend *those* finds old photos / videos...
/u/ugh7771 [5'2 HW112lbs LW90 CW100lbs UGW95??]
Created: Wed Dec 14 10:36:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ibx29/when_a_friend_those_finds_old_photos_videos/
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Anyone else had a friend compare how different you look now?A friend was showing around some videos today of a group of us messing around and I felt a bit ill - I looked so *huge??* (The difference even 10 or so pounds can make when you're short is incredible.)

We had a laugh over them, I say something about how *bad* I looked back then and immediately they all agree, laughing... If I ever felt tempted to fall back into old habits or let myself go, I sure as hell don't now.

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[Rant/Rave] Fuck everything. I'm mad.
/u/cannibale101 [5'4 | HW:150smtg | CW: 115.2 | GW:108 | 28F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 10:04:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ibq14/fuck_everything_im_mad/
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*No offense intended here. I'm sleep deprived, Christmas preparation doesn't work out as planned, family meetings are expected to be difficult as always, I keep gaining despite all logic and i'm very grumpy at the moment. Thank you for being here.*

I did everything i could. I've been informing myself on how bodies work for a while now and behaved consequently. In the last week + 1/2 i didn't drink, i ate low cal and below maintenance all the time, no binge no nothing, mostly just veggies + vinegar + nutritional yeast with water, coconut water and coffee. No workout but about 5km of walk everyday (can't bike until next summer). I was super disciplined. Then yesterday my holiday started so I worked out a shit ton and spent the day walking in the city for Christmas gifts and stuff. I ate two 0cal dill pickles, drank water and a lot of coconut water for electrolytes (total 140cal). And I still gained. Two pounds. Two happy fucks. How am I still gaining. Unbelievable. Like it's my fucking destiny.

Fuck theories on water retention. Fuck "*CICO is actually more complicated than that*", fuck CICO anyway. Fuck "*skip dinner, wake up thinner*". Fuck logic, apparently. Fuck that sense of control we're all fighting so fucking hard for over here ; i don't believe in it today.

...

I'll still work out and fast today, and i'll keep walking. Maybe more coffee than usual is all.

I'm lost. Even if I do control my own habits, apparently it won't do shit. I have no control on anything else than habits that seem to be ultimately useless.

Fuck.

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My mom is bringing pizza home
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 09:48:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ibmjq/my_mom_is_bringing_pizza_home/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] DAE get obsessed with a specific type of thinspo?
/u/salamanderqueen [5'9.5"| CW: 139.4 | SW: 180 | GW: 125 | -40 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 09:39:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ibkhq/dae_get_obsessed_with_a_specific_type_of_thinspo/
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Like, most of my saved thinspo is of girls lying down. My fat body looks the worst when I'm laying in bed, so I'm obsessed with how skinny girls look lying down.

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[Rant/Rave] Apparently I hate my body no matter how it looks?
/u/ummyeahokay [5'5" | 118 | 19.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 09:08:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ibdyn/apparently_i_hate_my_body_no_matter_how_it_looks/
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On mobile, can't tag- I'm currently at my lowest adult weight (yay!) and I'm finding that when I look in the mirror the changes aren't thrilling me like I expected. Of course, I LOVE seeing my ribs and hip bones stick out, but when I was getting into the shower this morning and for whatever reason covered my boobs in the mirror, I looked just like a boy with my narrow hips and straight waist and it made me sad. I don't know why because I have always hated having normal-sized boobs and have always admired women with flatter chests, but seeing myself in the mirror like that made me not want to lose them. Not to mention I've lost a lot of my muscle and I have always been athletic, so I'm liking the lithe and skinny look. Now I'm just confused. I think I will just hate my body no matter what. 😔

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[Thinspo] 170.6// Daily Thinspo. ✨💕
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed Dec 14 09:00:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ibc46/1706_daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/f25d01ec91b0498eb0ebb94ce42e6a27?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=3962a3e05f6bc433ffdb63d5bf822bb7

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[Goal] All of my 'small' clothes are getting too big, Exciting but annoying!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 14 08:59:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ibbzf/all_of_my_small_clothes_are_getting_too_big/
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I find it weird because last time I maintained 126 I fit 'smalls' PERFECTLY, But this time around they're getting too big already! The few XS things I own are now fitting better(Including a pair of pants I bought tight). Almost all of my T-shirts are falling off(Finally out growing my large ones I've kept around for comfort). This is concerning but at least I know how to sew so I can tighten up elastic in my pajama pants and sew some new cute things to wear!

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TW
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed Dec 14 08:59:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ibbxq/tw/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Fp is buying me a dress for xmas and I'm freaking out
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 14 08:59:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ibbvz/fp_is_buying_me_a_dress_for_xmas_and_im_freaking/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Recovery and triggers? [rant]
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 08:54:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ibaz5/recovery_and_triggers_rant/
---
Sigh. So i decided to try recovering, and these past two weeks ive been eating at maintenance. But ive put on an inch on my thighs (now 19.5), and two on my waist (26.5) and it sucks. I feel so disgusting all the time. Instead of skipping lunch at work, i woild bring a sandwich and eat that and one particular co worker (whos absolutely sweet, but) would always say that i dont eat enough, how im tiny or dont eat amd blah blah blah like... Okay now im actually eating. Its fueling my ED and sort fo a trigger but I dont wanna say anythjng because I HATE talking about it

At school theres this girl pretending to starve herself. (shes not... Just faking it soo badly)

And my mom wants me to get a check up because I was restricting a lot TWO WEEKS AGO and i feel like itl be a waste of time because i surely gained weight so my weight won't be bad, or anything and if eel like ill be wasting everyone's time :(

Help guys

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[Rant/Rave] DAE get super defensive about food?
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | sw 🐳 gw bones | 24F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 08:53:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ibatf/dae_get_super_defensive_about_food/
---
Like for breakfast I had a handful of cashews and an apple... then my coworker brought in no bake cookies and I made like an "mmm" sound I guess and my other coworker was like you just ate cashews and an apple, you should feel full! ... fuuuuuuck youuuuu.
Of course I'm still hungry. I'm always fucking hungry. And food is all I think about lately. And I wasn't going to ask for one of the damn cookies. They just looked good. 😵 Idk, I never used to care this much about food..

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Can bloating cause stretch marks?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 14 08:50:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iba3f/can_bloating_cause_stretch_marks/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Finals
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 14 07:40:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iawd4/finals/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Finals
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 14 07:27:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iau5n/finals/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] What to do when fasting results in nausea?
/u/ana_maria_lucia
Created: Wed Dec 14 06:13:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iahvu/what_to_do_when_fasting_results_in_nausea/
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[removed]

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[Help] Will I cover bones if I build muscle?
/u/YourChinaDoll [5'1" | SW: 169 | CW: 120.8 |F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 06:12:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5iahn8/will_i_cover_bones_if_i_build_muscle/
---
Good morning, everyone! I hope you are all surviving December. I recently came up with a diet and exercise plan to help stop b/ping and lose weight over winter break. I did a lot of ab work yesterday as per the plan, but this morning when I woke up, over my ribs hurt. I carry much of my weight in my lower body, so my collar bones and ribs are some of my more prominent features. So my question is: if I start exercising more, will I build muscles that cover my ribs? I really do not want that to happen. Thank you so much for taking the time to even read this. You're all wonderful <3

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday December 14, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Dec 14 05:08:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ia8d5/way_to_go_wednesday_december_14_2016/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for December 14, 2016.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 14, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Dec 14 05:08:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ia8cd/daily_food_diary_december_14_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 14, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Help] I feel weak
/u/Milphide [176cm | CW 69kg | Bmi 22.3 | 19F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 01:58:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i9llz/i_feel_weak/
---
Hello /r/proED

I think it's been 4 or 5 days that I eat less than 400kcal a day. Yesterday I ate 200kcal (an egg, 100 grams of garden peas, 100 ml of miso soup), and did it only to avoid to suddenly eat a lot in the rest of the day.
I do no exercise, and right now I am very depressed, I stay home all day working on stuff on my computer. I don't use my muscles at all.

Today I feel extremely bad. My muscles ache, my head is dizzy, I feel like I'll faint, I am exhausted despite having slept for 6 hours. But it's not normal, because I already fasted wayyyy longer without any problems. Right now, I think I am eating every day. At least I know I ate yesterday and today (300kcal today).

I am becoming weaker ? How does it go for you when you're fasting, do you sometime feel suddenly bad like that ?

I don't want to eat more today, I want to reach a 7000kcal deficit soon. If you have a tip to feel better, I take it.

Thank you ! :)

---

[Intro] Hello hello.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 14 01:25:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i9hyg/hello_hello/
---
[deleted]

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[Tip] Favorite buys lately: chocolate toothpaste and hydrolyzed collagen powder!
/u/cuddIefish
Created: Wed Dec 14 01:00:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i9exq/favorite_buys_lately_chocolate_toothpaste_and/
---
Guilt free protein, and toothpaste that tastes like chocolate milk that satisfies my sweet tooth cravings plus makes it harder to eat after. Been on a consistent weight loss with these under my belt. :) Mobile, can't flair.

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Discomfort and bloat after breaking routine?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 14 00:39:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i9ccz/discomfort_and_bloat_after_breaking_routine/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Discomfort and bloat after breaking routine?
/u/nauticaI [5'3½ | BMI 20 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 14 00:39:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i9ccy/discomfort_and_bloat_after_breaking_routine/
---
I haven't necessarily overeaten (lol jk probably have) or binged, but the past 5 days have been wild for me. I graduated college this past weekend and my parents brought tons of food and alcohol into town.

For not having drank much since the summer, I think I was actually drunk off champagne and beer from Friday afternoon until Sunday morning. I didn't eat much at all during the actual weekend but since then it has been a free-for-all of leftovers they left in my fridge. Red meat galore, fast food, pizza, cake....

I have been tossing and turning for 4-5 hours now because I am so uncomfortable. My stomach is protruding like crazy and I can feel my thighs no matter how I lay. Coughing causes pain in my lower stomach near my hip bones. All I really had today was a couple slices of pizza and a brownie, which I know is crap, but it was so close to bed and I think the extra dairy really sent me over the edge of this yucky cycle.

Is there anything I can do to reduce this feeling? What is the best way to get back into a good routine?

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[Goal] Its a victory but I feel ashamed. I also think I had a food addiction
/u/throwaway62423ED [5'3 | 170 :( | 29 | -5 | 18F]
Created: Tue Dec 13 22:52:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i8y58/its_a_victory_but_i_feel_ashamed_i_also_think_i/
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I haven't purged in two days


I had a big binge today, having an estimated 2270, and yesterday an estimated 1,700. But I didn't purge any of it. I didn't need to eat those calories but I love the taste of food and its horrifying.





I am still a fat bulimic (I wear a size 16 US in jeans) and I am ashamed I gained 35 pounds in just four years of recovery. I wish I was back at my weight when I first started being bulimic, I wish I never recovered.


Sometimes I eat small meals and just think "It isn't too bad..I don't have to purge this" or i'm around friends and can not purge.

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Chew and Spit
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 13 22:12:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i8rzb/chew_and_spit/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] This whole quasi-recover/maintain/slowly lose game is really confusing.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 13 21:19:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i8jat/this_whole_quasirecovermaintainslowly_lose_game/
---
Like, am I actually attempting to recover? Or am I lying to myself and eating "enough" but actually actively creating a minor calorie deficit to lose weight slowly? Or do I still have a huge calorie deficit because I genuinely forget what eating 'normal' portions look like? Am I going back to the gym because I'm "eating more and it's healthy now"? Or am I going back to the gym to burn all of the calories I do eat, creating a deficit?

Who is in control....me or ED? It changes minute to minute. When I tell my boyfriend I did "good" today and made "good decisions".....like...what is my definition of "good" though?

This is...actually laughable and very confusing. :'D

---

[Discussion] Anyone else use drugs often?
/u/englace [172cm | 112lbs | 17.0 | -35.4lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Dec 13 21:11:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i8htz/anyone_else_use_drugs_often/
---
I started using again after this particular relapse and I pretty much can't eat sober now. The last month or two has been a cycle of binging and stuff, which sucks, but staying drunk or high turns out to be a pretty good way to cope with that stuff. What about you guys? My issues with abusing drugs stem mostly from the stress of my ED, but I know a lot of people must use regardless of that.

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[Help] Surgery help?
/u/queensupreme6
Created: Tue Dec 13 20:08:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i86sc/surgery_help/
---
I'm having minor surgery in a couple weeks. I've been restricting pretty hard and I don't know if that will have some negative effect?? I'm 16 and have never had surgery before. I'm going to be under anaesthetic completely for like an hour...

any help? thx <3

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[Rant/Rave] There is half of a peanut butter cup in the trash can....
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 13 19:58:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i84vn/there_is_half_of_a_peanut_butter_cup_in_the_trash/
---
And all I can think about is digging it out and eating it. Why am I so disgusting

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C/S freaking me out??
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 13 19:56:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i84hy/cs_freaking_me_out/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE feel like they're making progress on weight loss UNTIL a friend takes a picture of you (full bod)?
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| fatty | GW 145 | -32.6lbs | 25F]
Created: Tue Dec 13 19:44:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i82at/dae_feel_like_theyre_making_progress_on_weight/
---
Can't flair :( no computer access

So had a work Christmas party today and it was going great, I'm down 16 lbs in a month and a half and I've been making better food choices!

But, snap chat got me, with its horrid honesty... A work friend took a pic and I'm devastated.. I look like ive GAINED when according to the also relentless doctor scale at the clinic confirmed my 16 lb loss. I want to never eat again. FUCK

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[Rant/Rave] uughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... [rant/rave
/u/uughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Created: Tue Dec 13 19:07:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i7vej/uughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh_rantrave/
---
uughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... I was 42 hours into my fast and my family literally had an "intervention" for me.... Now they are supervising my eating now... So... Not excited for Friday's weigh in. Basically forced a binge on me. Will try to learn ways to hide food...

---

[Intro] Long time lurker first time poster (intro) Wishing myself skinny
/u/CuppyCakesLovey [5'5 | CW:97 | BMI:16.14 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 13 18:33:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i7p00/long_time_lurker_first_time_poster_intro_wishing/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Can't stop bingeing
/u/starfishwishez [5'11" | 220 | 32.5 | -3lbs | GW: 170]
Created: Tue Dec 13 17:11:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i79nm/cant_stop_bingeing/
---
I feel I have no self-control. I have Borderline Personality disorder, and I don't know if it's related. I've always swayed from restricting to bingeing. Recently, I was doing so well. I was shedding weight and I felt good physically. Then, around my birthday last month, I gulped down 3 cupcakes in succession and it hasn't stopped. I feel sick all of the time. I hate eating, but I feel I have to or something bad will happen. I eat nothing but sweets. It's not enjoyable. It's anything but. It doesn't taste good. I have to distract myself while I'm eating so I can just force it all down. I don't know what to do. No one takes me seriously. This isn't just overeating. I feel like there's no escaping. I have gained 10 pounds in less than a month. I just want to have control again.

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[Rant/Rave] Drinking?
/u/hypotheticalfox
Created: Tue Dec 13 16:35:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i72n3/drinking/
---
New here. Had to make a new account and that took me a while... I'm lazy lol.

I guess this is as much a rant as anything, i don't know how to flair or if I'm doing it right. I just know I've been so stressed lately and beaten down by so many people and I feel so conflicted, like an I playing the victim or am I terrible...? I can't tell...

Anyway I just need to feel good about myself in one way so my weight is a rewarding thing to control. Still fat but working on it. But my main problem is drinking. It usually happens at the end of the night and by then I've already eaten most of my calories. Guess I should skip lunch? I've been so stressed out lately though. Beer calories don't "feel" like calories.

Anybody who can relate or is this just a shitpost?

Love you all.

---

OK.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 13 16:24:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i70hz/ok/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/35c56589204e4c92a8c5fdac7d153758?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=867a1b1d369dfe42857b5725be9ab418

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[Rant/Rave] Freaking out about this pregnancy glucose test
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'6 3/4 | Pregnant so gaining for baby | F]
Created: Tue Dec 13 15:48:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i6t6o/freaking_out_about_this_pregnancy_glucose_test/
---
Hi, it's me, the pregnant lady (or one of them!). My doctor ordered the glucose test to test for gestational diabetes. It's a standard test for all pregnancies.

And it's ~300 calories. I am TERRIFIED of caloric beverages. I have been eating what I need to eat throughout this pregnancy. I've had milkshakes, steak, chicken tenders, and so many other things I'd never dream of eating normally. But holy shit I'm freaking out about 300 calories of a beverage that apparently is really gross. I think I'm just going to skip the test. I've been able to get over a lot of fears this pregnancy but I don't think I can do this one. I'm getting anxious af just thinking about it.

Ughhhhhh this is bullshit. I literally am at my desk crying as I'm typing this out. Because everyone will say why don't you eat less at dinner, and my response is I don't trust myself to do that. I have felt so out of control. I've already gained 19 lbs and I'm only 25 weeks. I literally don't trust myself to just restrict one meal. I used to have so much control and now I don't have any and I'm so scared. I'm so scared of what's going to happen when I have my baby. I need to lose the weight asap but I'll have had 9 months of basically binging and not caring about calories. What if I lost my control?

And this 300 calorie drink is bringing up all my emotions and I'm not going to do it. I can't. I'm so scared.

---

[Other] Today I begin mentally preparing myself
/u/heartbrokenandok [5'7"-ish | 189 | 29-ish | -32.8| F]
Created: Tue Dec 13 15:38:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i6qzt/today_i_begin_mentally_preparing_myself/
---
For two weeks of living with my mother. Two weeks of coming up with reasons for only eating one meal a day. Two weeks of trying to convince her not to eat out because I can't eat anything at that restaurant or stressing because I don't know how much oil the cooks used on the baked chicken or steamed veggies. Two weeks of trying not to let her drag me down with her.

But on the bright side, I get two weeks away from the land of ice and snow. Two weeks of nothing to do except walking and family. Two weeks in the sun.

But also two weeks without a gym, in case I don't get all my steps in before dark. Two weeks of wondering if my apartment is safe or if my car is alright.

I'm so excited and stressed at the same time. I hate this so much.

---

[Help] I need to do something
/u/Ultimatedream [5'6 | 124 | 20 | -41 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 13 14:02:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i66aj/i_need_to_do_something/
---
I work for the Netflix costumers service and it's an awesome job! But I need something to do with my hands. I can watch Netflix in between calls, but I have to sit at my desk. Since I just sit there, I get the urge to eat something.

There's only one problem. We can't take our cellphones or any paper and pens on the work floor because we work with very sensitive information (like credit cards). I already spent some time doing my nails, but there's only so much I can do with my nails. Does anyone else has some ideas?

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[Discussion] DAE actually find it less tempting to binge when hungry or with an empty stomach??
/u/ugh7771 [5'2 HW112lbs LW90 CW100lbs UGW95??]
Created: Tue Dec 13 13:28:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i5yui/dae_actually_find_it_less_tempting_to_binge_when/
---
Idk what this is, lately I've been stuck in a cycle of eating way too much and I've just realised I haven't actually let myself feel hungry lately - Ironically, I find it so much less tempting to binge when my stomach feels empty... Anyone relate?

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[Rant/Rave] What I wish I could tell someone without an ed
/u/charredsouls
Created: Tue Dec 13 13:20:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i5wvx/what_i_wish_i_could_tell_someone_without_an_ed/
---
Dear ___, my family member/friend/acquaintance without an ed:

There are so many things I wish I could tell you. Every day I yearn to reveal all my secrets to you. How when I'm *not really hungry* I'm fucking starving. How when *I accidentally skipped breakfast* I actually stared at the food in my kitchen for 20 minutes that same morning. How I hate myself for skipping out on so many events, parties, and get togethers just because I can't bear the thought of gaining even 0.2 pounds the next morning. How I simply hate keeping these secrets from you, but the thought of releasing the only thing that is *my own* is unbearable.

I wish you knew what it's like to see a photo of yourself and have it ruin your entire day. I wish you knew that I'm not overreacting when I tell you I refuse to look at photos of myself. I wish you didn't call me vain when I stare at myself in the mirror. I don't stare at myself out of pleasure -- I stare at myself out of an intense self-hatred that I don't think you'll ever be able to understand.

For just a second, I want you to experience what I experience, not because I want to see you suffer, but because I want you to understand who I am. **The worst part about all of this is you don't really know me.** This ghoul that has taken shelter inside of me refuses to allow me to be honest. **Honesty means I'd be set free from the shackles I am constrained by, yet be constrained by a body I loathe.**

I also wish you knew that my body, despite its flaws and cracks, is one of the greatest sources of inspiration, motivation, and joy. I may be drowning in self-hatred, but through control of my calorie count and exercise routine, I am able to constantly self-improve.

At the end of the day, the only thing I ask is that you *listen to me*, not just hear me. If I were ever to tell you that I haven't eaten in days, I hope and pray you understand. If I were to ever tell you that I just threw up the nachos we ate, I hope and pray that you understand. I know it's shocking, disgusting, sick and twisted what I have done, but what I do not need is your criticism, your disgust, or your spectacle. **I'm the one who lives with this. Do not dictate to me with your non-disordered brain what I should or shouldn't be doing.**

You'll probably never understand, and I don't expect you to. That's why the ghoul will linger inside, never allowing me to evict it from my body. Maybe that's for the best, because the person you think I am doesn't exist. **Ironically, the illusion you see -- my existence, my happiness, my normalcy -- isn't really that much different than the warped image I see when I look at myself in the mirror. Funny, isn't it?**

Sincerely,
The person you thought you knew

---

How do you break the cycle of binging?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 13 13:12:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i5v51/how_do_you_break_the_cycle_of_binging/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Why does everything have to be celebrated with food?!
/u/bigeyessmallthighs
Created: Tue Dec 13 12:34:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i5mts/why_does_everything_have_to_be_celebrated_with/
---
Coworkers want me to go to lunch this week for my bday, family wants to take me to dinner (the same day) for bday, office holiday party, free food friday at work, friendmas dinner, days of food leading up to and including christmas, new years eve/day?!

Why. Why is this a thing.

---

[Rant/Rave] Raising cals [rant]
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 13 12:29:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i5lor/raising_cals_rant/
---
I was doing a great job staying under 600 cals/day for a few months, and then thanksgiving came and it's all gone to shit. I've basically been on a binge since then- I got chipotle the last two days in a row and ate the entire thing. Ugh.
So I'm raising my calories to 800 a day in the hopes that it'll get me back on track. Back to logging every calorie and not destroying all my progress. I have New Years dresses to fit in and my current body is not gonna make it. Does anyone have any advice/success stories about raising cals? I'm kinda stressed about having my limit be that high but also I haven't been under 600 unless I'm totally fasting lately so I don't know.

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[Rant/Rave] I just ate a quesadilla
/u/zomboooo [5'7|115|18.1|-2|NB]
Created: Tue Dec 13 12:23:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i5kda/i_just_ate_a_quesadilla/
---
And now I want to die. Why do I keep doing this shit????? I'm not going to eat anything else for the rest of the day.

It wasn't even that good.

I know it won't ruin my progress on a grand scale, but in the moment it sucks so much. Ugh.

---

[Goal] Back on the EC stacks!
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 13 11:20:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i569a/back_on_the_ec_stacks/
---
Feels good man. Wish me luck, take 435. Leggo!

---

[Intro] mind if i join you? (intro)
/u/7_of_cups [5'4 | CW 99 | GW 98 | 17.33 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 13 10:29:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i4v82/mind_if_i_join_you_intro/
---
Hey friends. Long, up and down history with disordered eating here.

Currently purge several times a week, sometimes more than once in a day, but I don't think I consider myself bulimic right now. Food feelings are more about unsafe foods and severe weight fear than about binging. My thoughts rest consistently (compulsively) on restricting and losing.

Recurrent major depression, panic disorder, social anxiety, and a number of years of SI are "managed" by medication currently, but I think that improvement was mostly a lie born from hope.

Every aspect of my life is disastrously, desperately miserable right now. Sorry for the dose of extreme melancholy, but that's part of what you guys are here for, right?

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[Goal] I CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL AND THEN I HAD A THIGH GAP
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Tue Dec 13 09:08:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i4e1s/i_came_home_from_school_and_then_i_had_a_thigh_gap/
---
I'm not even at my LW. I'm bloated as fuck. I've been eating at maintenance, and I have literally felt my fat grow. I was about to take a shower, then I looked in the mirror and there's literally like half a cm of space between them. This is just fucking incredible. How did this happen? Thank you, legs. Thank you very much.

---

[Discussion] What are your measurements?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 13 09:03:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i4d44/what_are_your_measurements/
---
A lot of people focus mainly on weight it seems, But I find measurements incredibly interesting. I got obsessed with them when I started sewing because sizes are based on measurements(when I started sewing I was 34-28-40 interestingly)

I'm 5'2, Hanging around 126 and mine are. 31 bust", 25.5" waist and 36-37" hip. I really like having a solidly 25 inch waist, I've never gotten below that though.

---

How many cals would hating myself burn?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 13 09:01:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i4co8/how_many_cals_would_hating_myself_burn/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Guys, urgent help needed! Who here is from Italy and does the ECA stack?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 13 07:47:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i3xuv/guys_urgent_help_needed_who_here_is_from_italy/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Does anyone think the cravings are worse than the hunger?
/u/foldedpapercranes [5'6'' | 105lbs | bmi 17| F]
Created: Tue Dec 13 07:32:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i3v6h/does_anyone_think_the_cravings_are_worse_than_the/
---
Mobile can't flair.

This is such a mental game. I can withstand hunger. As long as I'm not in severe pain it's all dandy. But if I start thinking about food and deciding what I want to eat, it all goes downhill.

Like I'll plan my meals but once I have this idea in my head of what I really want (burgers usually) I'll be super unsatisfied with anything else and end up eventually caving. Even if it's not hunger.

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[Goal] MY EXTREME HUNGER HAS FINALLY LEFT
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Tue Dec 13 07:14:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i3s3h/my_extreme_hunger_has_finally_left/
---
Three days. Three days of fighting myself, of cramps and pain and forced maintenance. And it's gone. I'm still bloated as hell, but the hunger pains? They're gone. I hope they stay that way. This is just so great, dammit.

On mobile/no flair

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[Thinspo] Christian Bale thinspo
/u/nyopq [5'11 | 174.0 | 24.3 | GW: 115 | M]
Created: Tue Dec 13 05:31:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i3bou/christian_bale_thinspo/
---
http://imgur.com/BBJL1jl

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[Help] Can we talk about Lanugo for a minute?
/u/Fibreoptic_Calico
Created: Tue Dec 13 05:18:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i39tj/can_we_talk_about_lanugo_for_a_minute/
---
Full disclosure, I am technically a couple of stone overweight, but I have dropped 75lbs pretty quickly and have some long time moderate restriction under my belt (500-700cal per day with the odd day at no more than 1500)

Today I noticed a long hair under my chin. Ugh! But on closer inspection I noticed I furry jawline and under my chin, more than what is normal for me. The last time I was bad and got lanugo I was underweight, but had dropped about the same amount of weight I've lost at the moment. I'm always freezing so that probably doesn't help.

It's my understanding that it's only people severely underweight and approaching emaciation that get this

Does anyone else have lanugo, anyone who is still normal/overweight? I thought it happened when you were under weight, not whilst still fat :(

It was almost an achievement last time, this time I'm mortified. It's light and fuzzy but what can I do to get rid?!

No flair, on mobile.

Edit for clarity

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[Discussion] Does anyone else feel they look different in different mirrors?
/u/Salsa_waffle
Created: Tue Dec 13 05:11:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i38v1/does_anyone_else_feel_they_look_different_in/
---
I've had this problem for about 6 months now, I'll look at my body in one mirror in my house and I'll look very thin. Then I go to the downstairs mirror and look like I gained 15 lbs. It drives me nuts! I take body pictures in both mirrors and compare them, my body looks the same in both pictures. So which mirror do I believe? I'll go back in forth between both mirrors until someone stops me, it's ridiculous smh

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A December 13, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Dec 13 05:08:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i38fs/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_december_13_2016/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 13, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Dec 13 05:08:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i38ex/daily_food_diary_december_13_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 13, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] Weird pet peeves
/u/teasnob22 [5'3" | CW: 95.7 | GW: 88 | 17.43 | -22 | F | Vegan AF]
Created: Tue Dec 13 04:07:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i30zl/weird_pet_peeves/
---
The other day, I was watching a Trisha Paytas video (I know), and she ate some of those ferrero rocher chocolates. Now, prior to my no-milk days, I ate those chocolates slowly. You have to savour them; peel off the outside chocolate, separate the wafer, eat the ganache, then the wafer, then the hazelnut.

Trisha did none of that. The entire thing went straight in, chewed, then swallowed. I nearly had a heart attack tbh.

What are your neuroticisms about other people eating?? Pls entertain my w/ ur illnesses :))))

---

[Discussion] Low cal foods versus infrequent eating?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 12 23:20:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i22oz/low_cal_foods_versus_infrequent_eating/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I feel like I'm not allowed to recover
/u/allieee212 [5'1" | 85.6 lb | 16.97 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 12 22:57:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i1zeh/i_feel_like_im_not_allowed_to_recover/
---
Sorry if this rant doesn't make sense, but here goes.

Okay so part of my disordered behavior is restriction, and part of it is like... idk, panicking about swallowing? At my worst point I was spitting out lots of my food and/or throwing it away into the trash because of reasons like "someone was talking to me when I was chewing and that makes me a bitch for eating" and I basically lived in a cloud of anxiety. Since then, I've pretty much gotten rid of this and can eat most meals without worrying about how I chew or bite or swallow.

But sometimes I still get these urges, which I know is normal... However, every time people advise to try to cut down gradually... I feel terrible. *I feel like I'm not supposed to recover and I'm supposed to try to avoid eating like a "good little eating disordered girl."* I feel like I've failed at recovery or at harm reduction if I have a meal without worrying about swallowing/chewing/biting, that I'm getting better too quickly, that I'm supposed to do at least one disordered thing every time I eat...

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[Rant/Rave] drunkorexic mcdonalds binges ╭(ʘ̆~◞౪◟~ʘ̆)╮
/u/requiemforatardis [5'6.5| CW: 119 GW: 95 | all flubber | LW: 102.5 | 23Agender]
Created: Mon Dec 12 22:03:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i1qm2/drunkorexic_mcdonalds_binges_ʘ౪ʘ/
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i drink all my calories bc im fat and my life is falling apart, and for THREE days straight all i've wanted to do is walk the five blocks to mcdonalds and eat probably 2000 calories and just fucking sit in that fluorescent hell-hole as a shitty piece of flubber who drinks at 10 am and let my life fall around me as i enjoy that horrible addictive binge.
heeeeeeellllppp me. i've been fasting for two days (minus beer bc that doesnt seem to count even though its calorie laden and a string cheese in front of my friend) and if i can hold out, i'd be so much fucking better but goddamn do i want mcnuggets.

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[Discussion] [discussion] Well, fuck.
/u/daughterofpolonius
Created: Mon Dec 12 21:53:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i1p0c/discussion_well_fuck/
---
On mobile, sorry about my lack of flair.

Well, I'm a total idiot and told my boyfriend everything. He was sweet and supportive, but I can't help feeling like I've done something irreversible to our relationship. I'm panicking a bit.

How'd it turn out when you told your significant other?

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[Rant/Rave] I want to be a delicate flower
/u/xcris19x [5'3 | FATFATFAT | Fat | F | -13lbs | UGW: 90/95 |]
Created: Mon Dec 12 21:34:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i1lyw/i_want_to_be_a_delicate_flower/
---
I want to be tiny and delicate and like a flower.

The other day my wife threw a snowball at me and I replied with 'ow!' because it was actually kind of a hard throw. She laughed and goes "awww, are you a delicate little flower?" I responded with "yes!" And pouted playfully. She proceeds to go on about how I'm not a delicate little flower. About how I'm big and thick and not like a flower but rather a tree.

You guys. I have lost over 9 pounds in the last 12 days. Like, I worked hella hard to get there and when she said that I just lost my shit. I binged then purged two days in a row. Today was a baaad binge purge day. I had to purge even though she was home. I just couldn't. I was- am so broken over this. I'll never be anything except a fat, massive cow.

Tl;dr: I wanna be tiny and thin and delicate like a flower but even my wife knows just how fat I am.

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[Rant/Rave] Food is overrated
/u/loner888
Created: Mon Dec 12 21:01:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i1gmq/food_is_overrated/
---
Yeah, life sucks but I'm hungry, so at least something is going right. Hunger is really not that bad. At least when I'm hungry I'm feeling... something. Being full and sad is the worst.

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How to stop being so awful to the people I love? I think I'm going crazy.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 12 19:49:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i143s/how_to_stop_being_so_awful_to_the_people_i_love_i/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Silly things we do thread
/u/MymlanOhlin
Created: Mon Dec 12 19:42:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i12w0/silly_things_we_do_thread/
---
I've had a cold for a week.

This morning when I was going to weigh myself, I was about to step on the scale, when "WAIT... I should blow my nose first so the weight doesn't register on the scale!"

How silly can you be!? I laughed at myself for a few minutes, and then weighed myself, but DAMN IT if I didn't blow my nose first, just to be sure...

Please share your own silly stories if you have any. We could all a little laugh at our own expense sometimes :)

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[Help] I don't even know how to say this
/u/boneobsessed [5'4" | Sw 173lbs | Cw 158.2lbs | -14 lbs | Gw 95lbs | F]
Created: Mon Dec 12 19:31:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i111k/i_dont_even_know_how_to_say_this/
---
I don't know what's happened to me. I've been eating so badly, just binging and binging. I want to get triggered again but it feels like it's just not happening. I can't stop eating and I feel like I have no control. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I don't even want to see my family on Christmas. I just want everything to click again so I can stop. I hate myself and what I've done. My vintage dresses aren't fitting properly because my stupid boobs have decided to balloon up and my thighs rub together horribly. I'm back at my starting weight. I never want to binge but it just happens. I'm not smart or anything so the only thing I can really be is pretty and I've failed at that. Sorry for this useless post. I need help. Please, somebody take all my food away.

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[Goal] Goal: just ONE piece of pizza
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| fatty | GW 145 | -32.6lbs | 25F]
Created: Mon Dec 12 19:17:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i0yl7/goal_just_one_piece_of_pizza/
---
This is the time, I need some kind of substance after that crying fit and world feels like it's ending. I wanted to binge but I won't, I WONT, have more than one slice a 1/4 cup of cashews.

Discussion topic: last minute planning after recouping a horrible mental breakdown

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) Everything is falling apart
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 49kg | 18.2 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 12 18:50:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i0ttz/rant_everything_is_falling_apart/
---
On mobile so can't flair.

Had a really shit day. Actually a shit few weeks - been under a tonne of stress because of exams and dissertation stuff and relationship stuff and cos my dad got diagnosed with early Alzheimer's. :(

To top things off, I rang my mum today to tell her about my good day but instead she told me she'd had to call an ambulance for my dad cos he had chest pains. They took him to hospital but it turned out to not be heart related. Then he ripped all the IVs out and discharged himself even though the doctors are worried he has sepsis but he won't admit anything is wrong with him.

And to deal with my feelings, I ate a shit tonne of creamy bacon-y pasta, two cookies, 7 chocolates from my advent calendar and a sharing packet of Crisps and popcorn. Fml.

Just struggling and need to get stuff off my chest.

Edit: I wish stress and anxiety would make me lose my appetite. But no, I just wanna eat and eat and eat.

---

[Rant/Rave] By their words, I should have starved to death
/u/BlackHairedBloodElf [5' 2" | CW: 101 | GW: 99 | 18.6 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 12 18:44:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i0skk/by_their_words_i_should_have_starved_to_death/
---
I'm tired of hearing the women with rich husbands at work talk about single moms on food stamps. They say they are lazy and undeserving. Little do they know, their department's hardest worker, the one that worked all but one holiday this year so they could stay home, is the child of a woman that was on food stamps.

And its not like my mom could help it. She worked hard, got married, and had me. Then dad said he wasn't attracted anymore and kicked her out when I was a year old. Not too long after she got cancer, putting her on disability. So I ate from food stamps all but one year as a minor.

Whenever they go off on the food stamps moms, I think, "Sorry that food stamps exist. Sorry I didn't starve to death."

So I only eat enough to keep my strength up to work. I'm focusing on the cheapest, blandest foods to torture myself.

Gotta make sure I avoid nice-tasting, "expensive" food, since I'm not supposed to have food in the first place.

So have any of you dealt with anything like this? I'm curious to see if I'm the only one who partly restricts by cost and flavor.

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[Rant/Rave] Motivated to exercise just to make a excuse for losing weight
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 12 18:35:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i0r1i/motivated_to_exercise_just_to_make_a_excuse_for/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] What was the moment you realized you had lost 'control'? (long post)
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 112 | 20.4 | -56| GW: 105| 20.48]
Created: Mon Dec 12 17:58:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i0kdw/what_was_the_moment_you_realized_you_had_lost/
---
Last night, after a poorly planned combination of an (accidental) 30 hour fast, EC stack, and WAY too much weed, I binged. Hard. I ate and ate and ate and then I purged. Which I havent done in... 4 years. And then I had what I'm assuming is some type of nervous breakdown. I sat at my toilet, my own vomit all over my shirt, bawling ugly tears, and I came to the realization that I was no longer in control of this. I am seriously fucked up. The things I am doing to my body are fucked up. No part of this is normal or ok.

My ED has always been about control for me. Control over what goes in my body, control over how other people see me. At my best moments, it feels like my own warm little secret. Something I carry around to keep me company that no-one else knows about.

But it doesn't feel that way anymore. It just feels like dread. and fear. fear of food, fear of being fat (again), fear of being caught, fear of losing control and binging, fear of carbs and salt and fat and sugar. fear fear fear. I can't escape it.

It is oozing into EVERY part of my life. I had made it to my senior year with a double major from a private college and a GPA of 3.98. This is one of my last semesters, and I am about to bomb my finals bc I can't think about anything other than food, and thats when I can think clearly at all. The guy I am seeing is starting to notice and make comments (My favorite being him sneaking up behind me and popping chocolate into my mouth yesterday, nice!). Everyone at work is started to see me differently.

But I can't stop. It has consumed me. I don't even know if I want to stop. I don't know what I want.

Sorry this was pointless.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else's stomach growl freaking nonstop?
/u/llamadude00
Created: Mon Dec 12 17:27:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i0eel/anyone_elses_stomach_growl_freaking_nonstop/
---
My tummy growls all the time now that I'm more heavily restricting. It sucks and is embarrassing. Anyone else?

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Tumblr ?
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Dec 12 17:10:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i0b06/tumblr/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Help me my girlfriend has is anorexic and I don't know what to do
/u/leathalbizzl3
Created: Mon Dec 12 16:45:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i062h/help_me_my_girlfriend_has_is_anorexic_and_i_dont/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Thinspo for you lovely people. ✨💕
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Dec 12 16:34:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5i044c/thinspo_for_you_lovely_people/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/26e3abb06db343ea95dcbfca68bf18c4?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=939162febff3d879c3a0f89e6d6596a1

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[Help] Tonsil stones? and a rough weekend :( [help]
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Mon Dec 12 15:56:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hzwgc/tonsil_stones_and_a_rough_weekend_help/
---
After telling myself I would never purge again, I totally relapsed this weekend and purged 3 times. And they were all fucking stupid foods to purge, French fries, chicken nuggets, chocolate truffles and the last one that really did me in was pizza. Of all the things, why did I eat half a frozen pizza and then purge it. My throat is killing me and surprise! I think I have a tonsil stone now. It is this white dot on the top of my inflamed tonsil and it freaking hurts. I can't tell if it's a piece of food or if I scratched my tonsil with my fingernail (doubtful, they are pretty short) or wtf it is. I hope it goes away. On and off bulimic for 10 years and I've never had this happen. Ugh.

I've been struggling to restrict after being really strong on 500 or less for like 3 months. Thanksgiving sort of threw me off and I've been b/p since that day. But always careful about it, eating mostly soft foods and trying not to give myself the opportunity to do it because I don't want to. BF made a comment this weekend when I was trying in some clothes (from a friend that I was supposed to donate). There was this jean jacket and it was too narrow in the shoulders for me, and he says "just stop enjoying food so much, you'll fit in it eventually". He was joking and has no idea that I have an ED or had one in the past. Still not cool, but we make inappropriate jokes all the time so not completely out of the norm for him/us. That sort of set all this off, and now I've been eating liquid foods only today because my throat is killing me. :(

At the same time, I'm back to 154.4 this morning (was 160 all last week, stupid period) and hoping that this tonsil stone will keep the scale going in the right direction.

Anyone have experience with tonsil stones? I don't have health insurance until January first and I don't know what to do.

---

[Discussion] DAE watch "Supersize vs. Superskinny" ?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 12 14:53:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hzj91/dae_watch_supersize_vs_superskinny/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnP5OeXJWhM&list=PLNWwzH0tiCjgqQCK60zZIVvN4FO3MIHu2&index=1

---

[Intro] intro, new user here,
/u/7_of_cups [5'4 | CW 99 | GW 98 | 17.33 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 12 13:01:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hyudd/intro_new_user_here/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] My mom brought over a giant container of cookies as a housewarming gift and its literally driving me insane.
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 107.8 | BMI:21 l GW 90| -36.2 l F]
Created: Mon Dec 12 13:00:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hyu1x/my_mom_brought_over_a_giant_container_of_cookies/
---
I haven't ate any of them. *yet*.

But there they are, sitting on my counter dubiously. They caused me to have a binge dream last night. It took me about an hour after i woke up to realize i didn't actually binge on a tray of cinnamon rolls, an entire gallon of ice cream, and so so much chocolate like I had dreamt.

I want them out of my house before I get drunk and eat every last one of those damn evil things. Maybe I can give them to my new neighbors and pretend I baked them myself. Ugh.

I wish my boyfriend would hurry up and eat them but he's not big on sweets like I am. I've been so good about not having binge food around my house, and now this.

And what's worse is I can't like, throw them out or pour bleach on them because then my boyfriend would think I've gone off the deep end.

WHY DID SHE BRING ME LITERALLY 100 CURSED COOKIES.

---

[Rant/Rave] RANT
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Dec 12 11:39:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hybkd/rant/
---
Nobody's gonna like or reply bc I'm invisible here, like everywhere else but I'm just venting so who cares. okay so some bitch on instagram (thinstagram) commented on one of my body checks saying how I'm obviously pro ana and don't have a real disease. That I'm faking it basically. Because I'm no longer 73 pounds (lw). I'm so pissed off and hurt though, it's just more motivation to lose more weight. I'm so triggered it's not even funny. How can you claim to be anorexic but not know that it's not a body type? She's obviously pro ana. She commented in response to a post i made about pro anas and i guess she got offended or something. Either way, not cool.

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[Rant/Rave] Todays my birthday! I gained 10 pounds in 5 days :)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 12 11:25:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hy8ag/todays_my_birthday_i_gained_10_pounds_in_5_days/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Self sabotage & binge reflections
/u/crumpet9 [5'3" | gw: nothing | 20F]
Created: Mon Dec 12 11:21:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hy7c6/self_sabotage_binge_reflections/
---
Well, I binged today. I wasn't even that hungry really and yet I ate and ate. Calories wise it's not awful, total for the day being 712. But this is also coming off a large binge yesterday. And those 712 calories included 4 bags of chips, a chocolate pudding, cheese, and crackers. I feel disgusting. Not only is the food making me uncomfortably full it's all disgusting junk that I haven't eaten in a while. And I was finally getting my shit together. I don't have a scale right now but I was restricting well and felt in control, and now I feel awful. I need this, I need to lose weight to feel better and yet I can't stop fucking up. I didn't even enjoy the food I ate so why did I eat it?? I just feel so weak whenever this happens, like such a failure :(

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[Other] My boyfriend cried this weekend in my lap and said, "I'm not going to watch this kill you. You always say you don't want it to bleed into other areas of your life, but it is."
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 12 10:51:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hy0j5/my_boyfriend_cried_this_weekend_in_my_lap_and/
---
This was my biggest fear. ED becoming the third party in my relationship.

I broke inside. I, fckk, broke inside. But ED tightened his grip on my brain and today I can't bring myself to eat.

I've never realized the pervasiveness of this disorder until right now. The man I love (who does NOT cry) cried in my lap like a kicked dog. Yet I stepped on the scale yesterday and saw "119.2" and now my desire to see 118 is over-powering any logic, emotion, and sympathy I have.

Wow. I am...a prisoner to this. You know? I thought if he ever said this to me, I'd change for HIM. Just, wow. Mental illness ties your hands behind your back.

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[Goal] I've gained 3lbs! wooo
/u/eldariya [140lbs of 6 foot 4 Russian Homo ]
Created: Mon Dec 12 10:25:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hxuzk/ive_gained_3lbs_wooo/
---
This bitch is finally back in the 130's wooo.
Day 4/5 of recovery and it's surprisingly been okay..Like I'm not excessively eating but I'm enjoying food more and it's a weird feeling. It's a great feeling but it's strange and I know that I want to gain the right kind of weight so at like 145 or so i'm gonna build muscle and just be some 160lb 6'4" low-key hunky bitch because I think that's a good weight because I get to be skinny and hunky and healthy. I think another reason why I feel so good is that I cut out literally all guys in my life in one clean swoop I was like "Yea...I don't wanna ruin myself trying to impress these guys" but yeah it's all good and I hope you're all good.
[Current Mood #1](https://youtu.be/rVFUaE3oG6w?t=305)
[Current Mood #2](https://youtu.be/O_UFyMXXYzI?t=266)

---

[Rant/Rave] Purged for the first time in a while...
/u/Gabi_Cat [5'5" | CW:125 | BMI: 20.7 | -75 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Dec 12 10:23:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hxudn/purged_for_the_first_time_in_a_while/
---
Without going into the details I'd just like to say that my mental state and my home life have been less than amazing lately and yesterday I went to a friend's house for a small get together. During dinner I was getting really nauseous. I already hated myself for how much I was eating and suddenly, everyone was laughing and I noticed how LOUD it was inside the house. Also had the perk of already having a puffy face from crying and red eyes from weed. So I went to the bathroom and purged dinner up. (Have done lots of alcohol purges as an adult but haven't intentionally thrown up food in almost a decade) Of course later on I got a headache and a stomach ache but seriously... it felt so good to get it out of my body.
I can see why I used to do it and honestly can't wait to do it again... Sorry if that triggers anyone! Stay safe lovelies.

---

[Rant/Rave] Obsessed with Olives!
/u/bigeyessmallthighs
Created: Mon Dec 12 10:20:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hxttz/obsessed_with_olives/
---
I've gotten crazy into those variety olive bars like at Whole Foods lately. Some can be pretty strong/salty so I just nibble tiny bites off them for hours without putting too much of a dent in my calories. (Even bigger pit-in Kalamata are like 7 each? I've been estimating at 10 each to be safe because paranoia since they are packed in a kind of oily brine) There is one mix with tiny cubes of feta cheese that make for a nice treat too. It really cuts down on my cravings for worse salty snacks!

As a side note, I've been bringing my kitchen scale to work for better estimation of these snacks and had to explain it to a nosy coworker that it was for an "experiment"...

---

[Rant/Rave] had a dream where I c/s last night
/u/light_hollow_space [5'4 | CW: 141 | BMI 24 | -54 | F | GW: 115 | LW: 99 | SW: 195]
Created: Mon Dec 12 09:39:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hxkph/had_a_dream_where_i_cs_last_night/
---
I haven't done that in years. And I had a dream where I went on a frosting/candy binge that was all chew/spit. You can't even DO that with frosting!!

:p

---

[Rant/Rave] Being a Teddy Bear [Rant]
/u/SparkPlug_Lib [5'2" | Fatty | gw 115 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 12 09:13:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hxf6k/being_a_teddy_bear_rant/
---
I'm a Teddy Bear. I'm soft and cuddly. My partner loves to cuddle and snuggle me. I'm chubby and cute.

Just like a Teddy Bear, though, that also means no one wants to fuck me or admit to still having one. Which is why my boyfriend, though he loves me, won't touch me sexually. Doesn't desire me, but craves to cuddle me. Why he just doesn't care about how I look when I go out... clothes and makeup doesn't matter on something you're not attracted to or proud of.

Lipstick looks stupid on a Teddy Bear. They're not sexy. They're there to be held and cuddled, not to show to your friends as something you're proud of having.

I am a Teddy Bear.
And I hate it.

---

[Intro] Hello world!
/u/uughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Created: Mon Dec 12 07:52:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hwzda/hello_world/
---
Sooooo, this is an intro post since /u/woolyshirt suggested me to do one 😊.

Well this is my attempt at describing me and my ED.

I've always been known as "the guy who could eat as much as he wants and never get fat". Little did my friends and family know, I would purge most food when I ate a lot at gatherings and events. Have been 120lbs for a long time but ballooned up to 125 (my highest) and decided I had enough. So I started to fast and restrict. And I fell in love with it. It makes me feel so calm and happy. Currently my UGW is 95lbs. And last time I checked my weight it was around the 115 mark, but I'm not checking my weight at the moment, only every week so I'll check again on friday. I do sometimes binge. Sometimes it's more of a "binge" other times it's a BINGE. So that kinda sucks but I haven't binged in a while so I think I can stick through without doing so.

A little bit more about me:
-I love Pokemon a lot. Anyone here playing S&M???
-I love Nintendo in general and am really pumped for the next Zelda game!
-Dogs are life
-Have no idea what I want to do in life atm 🤔🤔 maybe becoming a nutritionist (ha, ironic)
-I'm a hoe for holidays 💗💗 I love celebrating everything!!! Just not all the food that comes with that 😅
-Used to go to the gym often, not as much anymore but may start up again
-And yeah that's about it! I'm so so excited to join this community and hopefully become friends with all of you <3
-Oh and I'm 5'7, 19 years old, and male btw

---

[Thinspo] 174.2// Daily Thinspo. ✨💕
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Dec 12 07:35:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hwwax/1742_daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/95e7e8838789490fb6db7deda984b06f?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=70d978b12353d1554680998a26540409

---

[Thinspo] thinspo
/u/skinnyb0y [5´10 | 139 | 19.44 | -4lbs | male]
Created: Mon Dec 12 06:28:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hwlec/thinspo/
---
https://www.google.cl/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjKzNaM4e7QAhVEH5AKHWOuBrQQyCkIHTAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DwNKUxtV1VJE&usg=AFQjCNFGoLPyNxDrSvtHz6edrt9d6iC1tQ

---

[Rant/Rave] Severe Emotional Distress
/u/diorwhore
Created: Mon Dec 12 06:19:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hwjzu/severe_emotional_distress/
---
Is my favorite eating deterrent. Nothing beats mass amounts of stress and anxiety to keep you from eating all day.. and the next day, and the day after that. :/

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! December 12, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Dec 12 05:13:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hwacq/weekly_stats_update_december_12_2016/
---
This is the weekly status thread for December 12, 2016.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome. Previous updates are archived [here.](http://www.reddit.com/r/proED/wiki/archives)

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 12, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Dec 12 05:12:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hwaca/daily_food_diary_december_12_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 12, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Help] I can't sleep?¿
/u/_____Lurker_____ [5'2" | CW: 127 | 23.2 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 12 04:15:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hw39k/i_cant_sleep/
---
So for the past few days I've been restricting to 500 calories or less (I even made a pretty cool diary system to hold myself accountable ahaha) and it's going GREAT... Save for the fact that I can't sleep. It's 4 AM right now and I've been awake since midnight! I ate some string cheese and drank some 0 calorie carbonated beverage but I still can't sleep. I'm considering just eating a bit more but I really REALLY don't want to do that. I figure that since my alarm goes off in 2 hours I should just wait it out because I don't want to wake up feeling fat :/// How can I avoid this in the future? Maybe by eating later in the day?

---

[Rant/Rave] Supposed to be moving on my own.
/u/FandomsGalore92 [6'1" | MtF]
Created: Mon Dec 12 03:45:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hvzt1/supposed_to_be_moving_on_my_own/
---
So here this week by the end of it or early next week I'm supposed to be moving into my apartment right across the street from University.
All that I can think of is the freedom that I'll have to do whatever the hell I want and that definitely includes the fact that there's no doubt about it I'll be restricting and fasting.
Cause I've had food shoved in front of me the past 8 months without no choice as far as eating goes cause if you throw it in front of me I'll destroy it because once it's in front of me it's too late.
I just can't wait to be able to have the food I want around me and not a bunch of stuff I consider fattening.

---

[Rant/Rave] I lost weight!!!!
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | sw 🐳 gw bones | 24F]
Created: Mon Dec 12 03:40:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hvz8t/i_lost_weight/
---
Im three pounds down. Freakin finally. Gonna weigh myself again in the morning and make sure it's not a fluke but I'm so excited. Three down, seventeen to go. I do still feel huge though 😒

---

[Tip] Planning ahead for peace of mind
/u/diet247x [5'3 | CW: 139 | -16 lbs | GW: 90 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Dec 12 02:27:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hvqvz/planning_ahead_for_peace_of_mind/
---
I just finished planning out what I'm going to eat during this entire week and put it all into MyFitnessPal ahead of time so that I can tweak food measurements as I go.

First time I've ever planned like this, and I definitely think I'm going to do this every week. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my chest. I hope this means I won't stay up every night worrying about what I'm going to eat the next day.

---

[Other] Discord Server
/u/scaredalternate [5'5'' | 163 | GW 160 | UGW 120 | -57lbs | M]
Created: Sun Dec 11 23:33:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hv5yn/discord_server/
---
The idea of a discord server got a good amount of interest so I've created one! The invite links expire every 30 minutes to minimize creeps getting in, just comment or message me if you want one. I might not get back to you until tomorrow though because it's late. :)

---

[Rant/Rave] When I lose, I win; when I gain, I lose
/u/charredsouls
Created: Sun Dec 11 23:09:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hv2pv/when_i_lose_i_win_when_i_gain_i_lose/
---
I've determined that is pretty much my philosophy about existence right now.

When I lose weight, I feel like a bird flying for the first time. My whole day can be a piece of shit and, yet, I have my beautiful new low weight to enjoy. Someone broke up with me? Fuck 'em; with my new, svelte body, I'll get someone better. Got a flat tire? Who cares, I'm the *svelte* stranger who needs help, not the tub of lard who can't fend for themselves.

When I gain weight, I am a crumbling brick sinking to the bottom of the ocean. **My whole day can be wonderful and joyous and bright, but then I will remember I am a slave to that number.** I might have been told I look skinny, but then I will remember that everybody says that. I might have been called beautiful, stunning, (gasp) even gorgeous, but then I will remember that 'everybody is beautiful'.

I'm not sure if I'm angry, sad, or indifferent about this. What do you think?

To be honest, I think this deranged philosophy might be one of the only things that keeps me chugging along in this cruel game we all have to play. With or without an ED, everybody is at the will of some sick mechanism, whether it's the economy, a cheating spouse, a cruel friend, or simply the lack of concern the universe offers to us, biological matter floating on a speck of dust. When there's opposition, there's a game. **In my world, I am playing my body.** For others, they're playing society, money, capitalism, everything. As painful as it is to say, it just might be what prevents me from going bored out of my mind and killing myself.

Maybe I'm one of the lucky ones, someone who can *choose* to restrict for days on end, and then, at the drop of a hat, decide to gorge myself to portions people in the vast majority of our world would consider outrageous.

Maybe I'm an ungrateful piece of shit because this life isn't good enough for me. My body, which provides vital functions, is not good enough for me. I don't respect it enough to even feed it what it needs to operate how it desires. **Every day this bag of flesh emanates a scream which cannot be heard, but also cannot be unheard: Feed me. What do I say? No.**

Maybe I'm better than everybody else because I live in a society which accepts fatness as average, normal, sometimes even encouraged, and I persevere and continue to drive my weight down against all odds. Every day I am verbally force fed fries, pancakes, waffles, milkshakes, burgers, pizza, and the rest. *It's just one!* They always say the same thing. Every day I resist, and caress my ego as I whisper: You'll thank me later. I am fighting a society which can't even believe I am able to exist. Even better -- I thrive.

With all of this life's uncertainties, one thing is certain: **I will 'win'.**

--Thank you for reading this rant. Sometimes it's overwhelming to bottle all these feelings in without a single person to talk to about it.--

---

[Help] What do I do when I go home for break?
/u/quietpandaa [5'1 | 97 | 19.1 | -13 | F]
Created: Sun Dec 11 20:57:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5huhzu/what_do_i_do_when_i_go_home_for_break/
---
This was my first semester away at college. Because of my ED past and tendency to slip into behaviors and lose weight, my parents said that the only way they'd continue paying for me to go here (my dream school), is if I maintain a healthy weight and don't relapse. Well, I did okayish at the beginning of the semester, but have really fallen back to old behaviors and patterns lately.

I don't think the amount of weight I've lost (8-10 lbs) is really that noticeable and my clothes still pretty much fit (I look like a whale still), so I doubt my parents will say anything about my weight when I go home. But I can't keep (not) eating like I have been here. Fasting all day until dinner, weighing everything out, etc, etc. I want to keep doing it so badly because I'm terrified of gaining weight at home for a month but if I show signs of relapse I'm afraid my parents will keep me home and/or pack me off to treatment. They're going to expect me to eat out with them and eat home cooked meals two-three times a day ugh ugh ugh what am I going to do.

---

[Help] What do all you lovelies know about overuse of mouthwash???
/u/wearingmyfatpants [5'0" |119|23.2|41lbs|F]
Created: Sun Dec 11 20:16:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hub2i/what_do_all_you_lovelies_know_about_overuse_of/
---
So, I have this mouthwash that I LOOOOVE, because it tastes fine, but absolutely *RUINS* the flavor of anything you eat for at least 2 hours, maybe even up to 5 :)

I've decided to start using it to stop my horrible binge cycle I've been stuck in lately (binging daily for the last 4 months *sobs*).

But I wonder if this could be bad for my oral health????

I don't purge often and would never use mouthwash immediately after purging anyway. I value my poor little teeth to the point of OCD behaviors.

Does anyone know if using mouthwash 3-5 times a day could be bad for teeth???

---

[Discussion] How much water do you drink?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 11 19:32:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hu3kz/how_much_water_do_you_drink/
---
Fear of drinking too much water is a long withstanding disordered thought(I can't explain why, Been there since I was a kid). But lately I've been forcing a lot of water, Two-three quarts not including my tea, and I think it's helping me lose weight. Is this a normal amount?

---

diet pills
/u/Mattynebula
Created: Sun Dec 11 18:54:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5htwwo/diet_pills/
---
[removed]

---

intermittent fasting?
/u/skinnyb0y [5´10 | 139 | 19.44 | -4lbs | male]
Created: Sun Dec 11 18:16:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5htq01/intermittent_fasting/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Low restriction is the only time I feel free
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 11 18:06:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5htocw/low_restriction_is_the_only_time_i_feel_free/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Missing my scale :(
/u/carolineeo [5'7" | 101.8 | 16 | 22F]
Created: Sun Dec 11 17:23:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5htgkr/missing_my_scale/
---
on mobile so no flair. But I'm in the middle of moving right now and I have no clue where our scale is, and it is really fucking with me. some days I feel like I'm losing and it kills me I can't confirm, and scares me even more that I'm probably gaining like crazy most of the time and I have no way of knowing. I can't really look or ask for it much either because I don't need anyone else giving me shit about me losing weight. asked my mom once and got a whole bunch of unneeded "concern." need my scale & control back now thankyouvmuch

---

[Rant/Rave] Happiness Update
/u/operadiva31 [5'6" | CW 212.4 lbs | 34.42 | -25.2 lbs | UGW 131 lbs]
Created: Sun Dec 11 16:39:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ht89z/happiness_update/
---
Haven't posted in a while, but thought I would like to share a bit about what's been going on in my life. So a few months back, I posted that I caught my bf of 6 years talking to other women, and that we stayed together to try to work it out. At that time, I told him that if he ever did it again, I would break up with him. Guess what y'all?! The idiot did it again. So I broke up with him. Which means I immediately lost 250lbs (lol. sorry for the bad joke). But sadly he still lives in the house (albeit in the basement until he can find his own place), so my days now consist of hearing him beg me to take him back, hearing him sobbing almost constantly, and us awkwardly in the living room talking and him making it depressing by saying something like, "You could give me another chance if you wanted to..."

So on Thursday, after breaking up with him Tuesday morning, I went to the shelter and got a dog I had been looking at on like four different shelter sites online. She's perfect and adorable. And getting a dog is a huge bonus on so many levels. Not only is she cuddly and sweet and super cute (she and the adorable three-legged cat are starting to get along, now that they've had a little time to adjust to each other), but having a puppy means I have to go on long walks with her at least two or three times a day (like 30-45 minute walks, because she's a 10-month-old terrier mix puppy who needs to get a lot of energy out), so I am automatically getting more exercise every day, just walking the puppy!

And I'm noticing my clothing all fitting looser from the work I've been doing the last few months. Which is perfect because just before I broke up with him, my ex and I had booked a cruise for the end of January. I'm taking my bestie instead, but I'm going to look so freaking cute on that cruise!

---

[Discussion] Michel from Gilmore Girls
/u/linziboo [5'3" | 138 | 25.12 | -42 | F]
Created: Sun Dec 11 16:33:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ht74m/michel_from_gilmore_girls/
---
Is it just me or does all of his scenes with Sookie seem like he has an eating disorder? Season 2 Ep 9 he refuses to eat his pancakes because they might have more than 12 blueberries in it, and he gets majorly upset when someone takes his lowfat turkey, and he talks about counting calories a lot.

---

[Rant/Rave] flu
/u/jrste310 [5 ft | 106 lb | 21.34 | -21.5| Female]
Created: Sun Dec 11 16:26:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ht5wf/flu/
---
i have the fucking flu and literally 2 meals a day like protein shake and either soup or acai bowl (superfoods trying to give my body energy to shake this) been drinking so much water and eating sugar free cough drops but literlaly feel like i have lost all my muscle and ganined 10 lbs like where did my abs go? I thought being sick you burned more caloriess... anyone know? i just want to be better so i can go to the gym again

---

[Goal] Found what my body will look like
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 11 16:17:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ht49b/found_what_my_body_will_look_like/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Dance made me relapse?
/u/EatAllTheHoomans [5'8.75" | 149 lb | Female]
Created: Sun Dec 11 15:50:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hsz9p/dance_made_me_relapse/
---
So I'm part of a dance class at my school, and recently we had to perform a dance for a recital. I was originally placed in the finale with a handful of people in the class, but later on my teacher cut me out and only let people dance if they were thin or athletic. I feel so damn ashamed of my body and angry that I couldn't be good enough or skinny enough. I've had my illness for a couple years now, something that started as a result of abuse. I'm slipping back so I can be a good dancer and be beautiful and perfect. It's not fair. I wish I wasn't so fat. It's just not fair.

---

[Help] Is Coconut Water really all that?
/u/ugh7771 [5'2 HW112lbs LW90 CW100lbs UGW95??]
Created: Sun Dec 11 15:31:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hsve2/is_coconut_water_really_all_that/
---
I've heard coconut water hyped a fair bit around here for benefitting electrolytes and helping with dizziness but I usually only drink water and it's kind of expensive... What are all your experiences like with it? Lately I feel like my blood sugar has been wild and I'm looking for some alternative way to manage it.

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant] FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKK
/u/apiirr [6" | 218 | 30 | -70lbs | male/21]
Created: Sun Dec 11 15:24:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hsu1c/rant_fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccckkkk/
---
Okay this is going to sound ridiculous but I'm so upset right now. I haven't eaten in a few days prior to today and I finally gave in and binged like a motherfucker. i'm talking at least 2000 callories with the explicit purpose of purging it right before I have my shower today. So right after I'm done eating I'm doing my dishes and my mom comes in - my sister has contracted a really bad infection (something gross and personal) and everyone in the household needs to ASAP take a one-dose medication to keep us safe/heal us if we got the infection.

So I obviously very quickly and easily take the medication (ayyy former pill poppers where u at) and swallow down some water, go upstairs, turn on the shower, place myself over the table and....


FUCK. I CAN'T PURGE. OR I'LL GET SICK.

FUCK.

2000 CALLORIES OF FUCKING MEATBALLS

WASN'T EVEN FUCKING WORTH IT.


I FEEL LIKE I'LL STEP ON THE SCALE TOMORROW AND ALL MY HARD WORK WILL BE ERASED.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else feel this mindset has just made you plain lonely?
/u/ugh7771 [5'2 HW112lbs LW90 CW100lbs UGW95??]
Created: Sun Dec 11 15:19:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hst19/anyone_else_feel_this_mindset_has_just_made_you/
---
As in, I have many people I call friends and always someone or a group I feel comfortable just joining and chatting with in school, I don't think I'd be *believed* if I said I felt like I had no one.

But truly, over the years, this mindset has isolated me from so many close friendships, made me cancel so many plans, made me so unconfident that I've ended up in a situation where, outside of seeing the majority of my friends incidentally, I don't feel comfortable at approaching them for more, I just isolate myself and I think I'm realising now, every skipped coffee meet, every time I flaked out of plans because I didn't want to be around food or wanted to sleep off hunger pangs - I've set myself back and now it's too late...

---

[Rant/Rave] Silver lining in not getting anyway near my goals.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | | F]
Created: Sun Dec 11 14:48:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hsn1g/silver_lining_in_not_getting_anyway_near_my_goals/
---
I haven't seen my family in 4 months. I could have made an insane amount of progress in that time, but I didn't. Can't change the past and can't dwell on it. But I'm seeing my family in a week for about 8 days.

If I had appeared to Christmas 40 pounds lighter, they would have freaked the fuck out. My family thought I was way too thin at 130, so you can imagine 110 would have been a disaster in their eyes. Too much weight and too fast.

However, after Christmas I won't see them again until August. That's at least 7 months and a beautiful new year to reach my goals. It's time away from people who would worry too much.

At least for now, I can have a relatively normal Christmas without family hovering over my meals (or attempted lack thereof).

---

[Discussion] When does it just become an extreme diet?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 11 13:59:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hscre/when_does_it_just_become_an_extreme_diet/
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I previously had been told I have EDNOS tendencies, In that time I did have fear food, Severe depression, Absolutely no self worth, Never ate above 800 without hurting myself. This time around I am more content, I don't have fear food, I eat well above 1200 some days without TOO much worry. I'm pretty sure I could stop if I wanted to.

Maybe this is just a diet to lose a few pounds 😒

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I don't wanna work but i need money for bills and all the stuff i want. Where do you guys work?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 11 13:19:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hs4sm/i_dont_wanna_work_but_i_need_money_for_bills_and/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/83fab4bf5eda4275825507e15ca5eafa?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=9cc62ed54c02c1c17d12160526d0e164

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[Rant/Rave] Not good enough
/u/ED2134 [168cm | fat | female| -10kg]
Created: Sun Dec 11 12:34:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hrvfz/not_good_enough/
---
I am sure I made a similar post a couple month ago but I really have a hard time dealing with all this right now.. so here we go again.

I am sorry this is not directlly ED related, but this feels like a safe place an probaby the only place where people might be able to relate to it.

As far as I can remember, I always felt not good enough, not thin enough, not skinny enough, not beautiful enough, not smart enough, not happy enough, not outgoing enough.. basically not good enough to be accepted as the person I am.
I really hate my body ( I am currently obese but I felt the same way when I was underweight too).. I never loved my body and I have a very hard time imagining somebody else loving me ( mostly because of my body.. because who wants to be with a fat and disgusting whale).

My bf and I broke up recently because I we are sexually incompaticle. I can not fullfill his sexual fetishes and needs.

From a rational point of view I know that this is not my fault. I know that sexual incompatability is a real thing. But it just feels like it is my fault. I can not shake the idea that if I would be nice, skinny and attractive we could have made it work. I feels like I was just not good enough for him.

I truly love him and I can not imagine a life without him. But the only option at this point is an open relationship. And I know it would just make that feeling of "not being good enough" a thousant times worse.

I spend the last 3 hours crying. I can not calm down. And I have no idea how to deal with this situation. All I want is to be (good) enough for him.

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[Rant/Rave] Trying not to purge while staying sober is simply too much for me to handle.
/u/jeanisdead
Created: Sun Dec 11 12:23:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hrt9i/trying_not_to_purge_while_staying_sober_is_simply/
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Today, I am 39 days sober. In that span of time, my bulimia has slowly crept back into my life because I feel sorry for myself, I guess.

It's just too much for me to tackle all these things at the same time. Honestly, I'm going to allow it until I have an adequate amount of sober time under my belt. Maybe then, i'll be strong enough to conquer my eating issues. But right now?

It's simply far too much for me to deal with. I feel like as long as I don't let it escalate to a daily thing, It's forgivable for the time being. I don't know.

I just wish I could fucking have something.

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[Help] Dry hair problems :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 11 12:02:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hrosk/dry_hair_problems/
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[deleted]

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[Help] i am fading away
/u/freakdonut
Created: Sun Dec 11 11:07:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hrdn6/i_am_fading_away/
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after my boyfriend left me, i feel like every sense of stability and hope and happiness is lost. my ed is worse, i havent had solid food in three days and all i do is cry during the day and drink at night. i showered once but i couldnt look at my body orsmell my soaps or anything because its all just memories. i feel dirty and abandoned and hopeless. im literally just sitting in my bed watching days go by waiting for time to do its job. i dont care if i die.

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[Thinspo] 174.8// Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun Dec 11 10:51:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hra29/1748_daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/b4ce2dcb94dc41529342ac887fddcde2?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=09b50117b234df1757dfade9f6808675

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[Rant/Rave] (rant) i feel so fucking insulted
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 11 10:46:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hr93b/rant_i_feel_so_fucking_insulted/
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(on mobile, can't flair)

excuse me if i sound ungrateful or some shit, but i'm pissed as fuck.
my folks were looking at winter coats because colorado is cold as fuck right now and only gets colder. my dad had asked, and i fucking quote, "what size do you wear? a large?"

maybe i wore that size. four fucking years ago. how can they not tell how much weight i've lost?
in fact, my mother had complimented me the other day, hey that felt great, but i just got called fat again. fucking fantastic!
whenever he tries to take me out to eat he constantly bitches about me not eating every single god damned thing on the plate. maybe i hate eating in public with you because i feel fat as fuck eating this shit, not to mention you're considered obese and i don't even want to be associated with that and it gives me uncontrollable anxiety.
but if we get home and i feel okay and try to eat something he flips his shit.

yeah, i'm not really looking for advice i just had to get this off my chest,,

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[Intro] A little intro.
/u/miayuu [185 cm | 70.4 kg | 20.6 | 25.4 kg | F]
Created: Sun Dec 11 10:44:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hr8nn/a_little_intro/
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Hi!

I have been here before under a different name and I left due to someone close to me being worried about my health to the point that they had to intervene. :(

I've eaten back under their watch to a "healthy" weight but it doesn't feel healthy in my opinion and even though my ED is actually miserable, I did feel happier on my lower weight because it was something I could control. Does that make sense? I hate my body even more now because it's not something that happened under my control and it honestly feels awful.

I'm mostly just looking for emotional support here and I'm happy to return it. This subreddit was my rock and it kept me from having periods of breaking down because there was always at least someone who felt the same.

So yeah, little intro isn't too little, whoops!

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[Help] I'm not getting enough dietary fat? D:
/u/aaren0 [5'5 | shisno]
Created: Sun Dec 11 10:03:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hr0f2/im_not_getting_enough_dietary_fat_d/
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Title says it all, pretty much. .__. What are you guys' main sources of (healthy) fat? Oil scares the shit out of me because it's so calorie-dense, and most nuts make me nauseous (for whatever reason). :,(

~~aaaa sorry if this is a dumb question~~

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) Fuck I'm an idiot
/u/raspberryfleur [5'6 | 127 | 20.5 | -30 | Female]
Created: Sun Dec 11 09:57:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hqyzt/rant_fuck_im_an_idiot/
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I'm sorry I just don't have any girl friends to rant to

Why did I let myself fall for this guy

He's so attractive and we have a lot in common. I liked how he was sensitive and willing to do a lot more stuff guys my age won't even touch. We spent that past couple of weekends together and it ended in cuddles and kissing. Perfect.

And yet after we spent some time together on the weekend, after he was distant and angry. I asked if it was anything I did, he said no

But yet you're pretty much ignoring me and you're SO NICE AND FRIENDLY with this other girl at our work like ??? Way to rub it in my face you fucking dick. She's 34 years old and you're 20, she'll never give you the time of day.

Meanwhile while I was spending time with him I was eating more. I've pretty much been stuck at 130 pounds at 5'6. Fuck that. I could've been 120 by now

Why does my brain keep telling me if I was skinner and more attractive that he'd want me?

Instead of his fucking ex who fucking dumped him and they're like 3 hours away??

I always pick the good ones

Whatever I'm gonna restrict again. I'm so angry. I'm so stupid for letting a guy distract me from my goal. I already have a stock of monster energy drinks, sugar free gum and caffeine pills. I'm going to Jamaica in 8 days for Christmas.

The least I can do is look perfect. Ugh

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[Discussion] How was your day?
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Sun Dec 11 09:06:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hqptw/how_was_your_day/
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I'll start. Feel free to rant here and stuff.

My day was pretty good. I got some low-calorie licorice. Had a bit of a high appetite today, but kept it under control with cigarettes and exercise. I think my feet has some kind of injury, so that'll be fun tomorrow. My dad got me Sprite Zero. It's like 5 PM, but I'm gonna go to bed early.

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[Discussion] It's a Clothes Thang
/u/RtB107
Created: Sun Dec 11 05:38:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hpw7p/its_a_clothes_thang/
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Hey, everyone! It's lovely to finally get speaking to you all — well, typing. ;) I've been lurking here for maybe a week or two, just because it's so great to be able to relate to all of you the way I can; just to find others going through the same stuff, you know?

I have a party coming up: my cousin's 21st, to be exact — and I'm just a little bit terrified. Does anyone else put off wearing the clothes they want to wear because they feel like they're undeserving of them? (Or something similar?) It's basically what I do; I spend my days in oversized hoodies and sweatpants, all while trying to look somewhat fashionable with a little bit of makeup and trying to make my hair look nice. But putting on the likes of jeans really scares me. I always say to myself, 'Oh, when I'm skinnier...' You know? Blah blah blah. It's a comfort thing: concealing my body so I don't feel like crap... which, in turn, probably *does* make me feel like crap. It's a confusing mindset.

I guess I'm posting here for my own comfort, but I thought it high time that I make a post to say hi to you guys. :) Aaaand, y'know, I feel like this would make a good discussion.

Do you put off wearing clothes you WANT to wear because of your body shape as I do?

I mean, I wanna wear something noice, and I'm gonna, but uuurghhhh. I'm so afraid of, like, freakin' the fuck out.

EDIT: I'm also down for some advice, if y'all have any. c:

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This sub is glitched. Mods wtf.
/u/spoingeboib
Created: Sun Dec 11 05:14:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hptiy/this_sub_is_glitched_mods_wtf/
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[removed]

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post all the memes December 11, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Dec 11 05:08:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hpswp/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes_december_11/
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This is the weekly 'Shitpost' Sunday thread for December 11, 2016.

This is the perfect place for all of your memes and humor posts!

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 11, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Dec 11 05:08:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hpsw1/daily_food_diary_december_11_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 11, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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Rather get your own little place, or move in what your partner?
/u/spoingeboib
Created: Sun Dec 11 05:00:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hps2d/rather_get_your_own_little_place_or_move_in_what/
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[removed]

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[Other] Coming back after eating
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 11 04:51:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hpr5j/coming_back_after_eating/
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[deleted]

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60 pounds in 2 months.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 11 03:27:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hpiwb/60_pounds_in_2_months/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I think I'm giving up
/u/woollyshirt [172cm | 53kg | 17.76 | -35kg | M]
Created: Sun Dec 11 03:21:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hpibd/i_think_im_giving_up/
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I ate more than usual yesterday..and still dropped over a lb overnight. I haven't weighed this little in a while. I don't want to lose weight right now (well, I do, but in my grand plan I do not) So, I'm giving up. I'm just gonna eat what I like for a few days and hope that I stop feeling so crushingly sad. It's painful, and I just feel so alone. I saw someone yesterday who was really instrumental in helping me to start trying to maintain and it's really brought a lot of difficult emotions up. I'm so glad I saw him but it's just reminding me how tough this all is....and I just hope it all ends out to be worth it.

Throughout all of this I'm constantly questioning if I really have an ED if I want to gain like this too but then I realise that most people wouldn't spend so much time feeling suicidal over having to gain a couple of lbs. I don't understand how I can find such power and control in choosing to lose weight and restrict but I can't get the same satisfaction from gaining a little. I can just lose it back as soon as I want! I don't even fit in my tightest clothes anymore. I would like more lean mass. I know I'll gain fat from this but I don't see how I could gain weight without gaining *some* lean mass.

I'm so sick of being like this. I just want to feel small already.

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[Help] I feel guilty for lying to my friends
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 11 02:52:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hpfb5/i_feel_guilty_for_lying_to_my_friends/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] exams got me stress eating and I binged so hard
/u/pineapplesandham [5'3 | 99.8 lbs | 18.17 | -5 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Dec 11 02:06:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hpazc/rant_exams_got_me_stress_eating_and_i_binged_so/
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As the title says, I have all these finals and they're so important... I was so stressed, I ended up binging on like 2500 extra calories over the course of a day and a half (extra as in on top of my expenditure). Fuck. I'm actually going to gain fat from this, aren't I? I dropped my cals to around 500 yesterday, but I'll have to eat normally today. Hopefully I can keep it at 1300 or below (my TDEE is 1400-1500).

I feel like such a fat fuck though. The morning of the binge, I was like 95.4 lbs, which is already up from my lowest, and now I'm 99.4 lbs. I guess some of that is water weight and food, but honestly I feel so gross and disgusting. Because I am.

Edit: the day after that, I was down to somewhere in the 96's... then back up to 98 ish after that. What the fuck. I'm fucking disgusting.

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[Discussion] How/when did your ED start?
/u/singtalk89
Created: Sun Dec 11 00:53:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hp3k1/howwhen_did_your_ed_start/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hp3k1/howwhen_did_your_ed_start/

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[Discussion] Most shameful thing
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 11 00:29:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hp0zo/most_shameful_thing/
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I had a fight with my friend, we are very close and he left to go home. I started binging and told me so he took the first train back and he saw me.



Sitting with a bag of fries, chocolate, covered in breadcrumbs all while crying. He took away all the food and I was just SO SO SO ANGRY at him for doing so. I wasn't done eating. But I'm sort of thankful too.



Okay. Your turn, most awkward situation.

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[Rant/Rave] Idk what to title this but I'm tipsy so please excuse me because I need to rant.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 10 23:12:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hos0c/idk_what_to_title_this_but_im_tipsy_so_please/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I messed up [rant]
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [🐷 5'2 | NB-dfab | CW: 163.6lb | 29.9/31.0 | UGW: 90lb | -26.4lb]
Created: Sat Dec 10 22:59:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hoqb6/i_messed_up_rant/
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I purged today for the first time in almost a year. At work. I didn't even binge. I had less than 500kcal all day but I felt fat and bloated. I couldn't even purge anything except my 0-kcal monster. But I still did it. And then I got my pre-purge depression and my coworker just stared at me.

Then I decided I needed a smoke to calm down. My throat already burned so that was stupid.

Then I stopped by the grocery store and spent my whole budget on Halo Top. So that's all I'll be eating for a month other than the few things I already had or my parents' junk food (god i hope I won't).

Today was a bad day. A very bad day. And all I want to do it die.

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[Discussion] [Discussion] what are your go-to meal plans?
/u/tryingthen
Created: Sat Dec 10 22:16:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hokm7/discussion_what_are_your_goto_meal_plans/
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sorry mods I'm on mobile so I couldn't flair. :(
I was wondering what snacks or little meals you gravitate toward to in order to stay within a small calorie range? I finally created an account, I've been lurking for ages and I've decided it's time to ask for some advice. :) thanks! ❤️

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave]I'm unable to study and concentrate since all I think about is food.
/u/desaparecida [4'9" | CW:106lb | BMI: 21.3 | 24F]
Created: Sat Dec 10 21:55:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hohl1/rantraveim_unable_to_study_and_concentrate_since/
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While being at home only one thought crosses my mind the whole time: food. When will I eat it, what will I eat, how will I purge it, and so on. I have only ONE examen, only one, but it's the last one of my university life. Pretty much after wednesday night everything will be over and a few weeks later I'll receive my degree. Tears come to my eyes only thinking of the moment when I'll get to hold that piece of paper that says that I'm officially an engineer.

But I cannot concentrate for the life of me. The thing I hate the most about this illness is the way it turns me into a primal version of myself, unable to think about anything but food, as if were about to die of starvation.

I decided to go somewhere else and see if that helps even a little, so here I am at a cafe. But turns out this neighborhood is full of old noisy people... even their sneezes are loud! It's unbelievable. Thank goodness the loudest group just left. I hope I am able to concentrate. Please brain, please do concentrate. I really need you on my side for this, we both know this exam is going to be the hardest of the semester, so please just this last time don't give up on us.

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[Help] Just moved to Minnesota, very alone...
/u/lily_nienna [6'3" | 166lbs | bmi 20.7 | + 6 lbs (T.T) | F]
Created: Sat Dec 10 21:52:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hoh9d/just_moved_to_minnesota_very_alone/
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Hi folks, this might be a bit of a long shot, but I just moved to a new city (Minneapolis-St Paul area), and I feel very very alone here, with no one other than my partner to talk to, so I was wondering if anyone who happens to live in the area might be willing to talk or hang out or do friend stuff... I ask here primarily because I would rather spend time with more like minded individuals who wont annoyingly lecture me on some of my "habits", and also because the people on this sub are awesome and have been nothing but supportive towards me in the past.
Anyway, thank you for reading! <3

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[Rant/Rave] I can't make up my mind
/u/fiascofiesta [5'7" | 123.4 | 19.26 | 22F]
Created: Sat Dec 10 21:52:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hoh6w/i_cant_make_up_my_mind/
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I'm heading back home in a week, and i feel so emotional thinking about if I want to lose more weight and get a ton of comments or if I want to eat a bunch so it isn't as noticeable when I land and my mother doesn't worry about me. She used to be bulimic and knows I have some food related struggles as well, and it breaks my heart to see my problems fuck with her. But at the same time I don't want to hate myself because then I'll feel awful and gross and pick fights and sleep too much while I'm there. Right now I'm at 124 and I want to throw up everything, even though there's nothing to throw up. I wanna go in the kitchen and tear up all of the junk food and cover it in nasty coffee grounds and bacon grease but we have friends over. I already feel so... solid and thick and heavy. But I was ~140 last time they saw me, and they told me how small I was then, so I'm worried. Wearing baggy clothes doesn't even help. It might make it worse because all of my clothes are baggy, and my mom does my laundry because she wants to feel like she's taking care of me and she sees the sizes I wear and she comments and calls me a skinny mini. It's never ever anything mean or condescending or like "you're too skinny and it's gross," it's just like this genuine should-I-be-concerned stuff. I don't know. I guess I just needed to vent, even if I do try and put on some weight, it likely won't be much because you can't gain 10 pounds in a week just like you can't lose 10 pounds in a week. And it doesn't matter anyway. I'll be there for three weeks and they'll see me go to the gym when it's freezing and pick apart my food and buy heaps of almond milk and cabbage and PB2 and cauliflower. Its all pointless.

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Would you rather live on your own or with your partner?
/u/spoingeboib
Created: Sat Dec 10 21:26:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hodlf/would_you_rather_live_on_your_own_or_with_your/
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[removed]

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[Tip] A few habits that seem to be helping me since I've started them and might help others
/u/OccasionalJerk [5'5 | 155 | 25.8 | GW: 125 | -6 | 17F]
Created: Sat Dec 10 21:09:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hob3s/a_few_habits_that_seem_to_be_helping_me_since_ive/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Would you rather live in your own place, or with your partner?
/u/spoingeboib
Created: Sat Dec 10 20:24:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ho45h/would_you_rather_live_in_your_own_place_or_with/
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Give all the reasons and details why. I want to read your reasons, and gauge them for my own.

Basically my boyfriend moved, and I had been scrambling to figure out away to go with him with no money. Long story short... he was really hesitant through out everything and it wasn't until recently that he told me he wants to try moving with me.

The thing is, now that I'll have all this hard earned money saved up and realize he's a bit of an asshole, I'm not sure if I want to move in with him. I assume for reasons that he thought he'd be surrounded by beautiful young girls and when the reality hit that wasn't it and that the guys there were hitting on me, complimenting me, he had a change of heart. I have feelings for him and I don't plan on breaking up right now.. BUT basically..
Why yes:
-the city is expensive and it would be better if we moved in together as it would cut the cost in half.
-I don't have anyone else in that city.
-we would wake up to each other.
-it might be worth a try, after all what's the point if the relationship won't further?

Why not:
-living alone in a new big city would be cool itself
-if I have my own place, I can keep the fridge and cupboards light and only filled with things I want. No temptations.
-I can purge whenever I want.
-set up the place as a little work out station.
-I don't even know if I want to stay with him forever. We haven't lived together for longer than a week, and if we end up breaking up I'll be screwed because he'll own the lease.

I guess I don't even have to move out there, it is a pretty nice city though and I feel that it holds more opportunity...

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[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] Back on Track... Finally
/u/_Less_Is_More_
Created: Sat Dec 10 20:07:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ho1ki/rantrave_back_on_track_finally/
---
Just resubmitted with flair...I think. I'm on mobile and I'm not sure if it worked.

The last few weeks have been hectic and stressful. I'm not blaming the holidays, as I've been able to control my binges before during parties and events. But finally I've been able to say that enough is enough.

It started out just by accidentally skipping one day of tracking my total calories - a drink here, a beer there. I'm familiar enough now to know how much is approximately in a food items, but, for me, I need to write it down to get a full sense of my day's total. Then I skipped another day. And then another. It was almost peaceful not stressing about how much I was taking in...almost. But, at night and in the mornings is when the realizations would hit the hardest - I'm not getting any closer to where I want to be. My ultimate goal is sinking further out of reach.

The sadness and depression were hitting me in huge crashing waves. I wouldn't, and still won't, look in the mirror. I won't let my SO touch me. I will only do at home workouts because I don't want to be judged or looked at in the gym. And the worst part is that I know if I would have tracked everything and kept to 800 cal per day max, I'd be so much closer to where I want to be.

So I'm sitting here in my yoga pants, drinking my oolong tea, and waving goodbye to the current me. Hoping that I can finally stop hating myself one day and be happy in my own skin once I see that number on the scale shrink with my thighs, when I can step out of the shower and look up at the mirror, and when I can have my picture taken and worry only about my goofy face rather than if my arms look too big.

Thankfully, I have a very supportive SO. I have to fudge my MFP calories so he still thinks I'm eating at least 1200 (I just put some cheese or a slice of bread or two in), but it'll work again like it was working before. Wish me luck, brothers and sisters.

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Back on track... Finally
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 10 19:57:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hnzz2/back_on_track_finally/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else hate their height?
/u/imnevergold [5'6 | 112 | 18.15 | -15 | F |]
Created: Sat Dec 10 19:00:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hnr8a/does_anyone_else_hate_their_height/
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This is a recent thing that's kind of happened to me. I'm 167cm which I used to think was a good height. It's not too short or too tall, but recently I'm just so obsessed with wanting to be taller. I've been looking up yoga poses, buying ankle weights, googling inversion tables, wondering how I could induce a late growth spurt. I don't know why but I'm obsessed with being 172-175cm I just think tall girls are so elegant looking and if I was a bit taller I could be 50kg and donate blood and not be as unhappy about my weight.

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[Rant/Rave] I binged I wanted to binge and I did and I still feel bad
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 10 15:51:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hmv4o/i_binged_i_wanted_to_binge_and_i_did_and_i_still/
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So yeah. I'm finally 98/101 lbs but hell I guess a nice lil 2000+ binge twice a week won't hurt fml. I hate it cause I don't really count my whiskey and today I indulged on EVERYTHING. I did the same last sunday. So tmrw. I have to fast all day because my bf wants to go to Applebee's cause we have a gift card. Oh lord. Also I haven't been exercising at all or drinking much water just whiskey and water when it comes to drinks. I am such a damn fuck up. But hey. Hey. I gotta be calm. Today was one day. Out of two. So I must not sabotage. I must stay cool. I type this while I chew a funyun. Yes. I know. Is it ok to not log binges because it makes you feel worse?

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[Rant/Rave] Had to take a rest day today
/u/heartbrokenandok [5'7"-ish | 189 | 29-ish | -32.8| F]
Created: Sat Dec 10 15:29:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hmr5w/had_to_take_a_rest_day_today/
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And I feel so gross. I've walked under 500 steps today (trying to prevent an overuse injury to my foot and ankle) and I feel as though I can feel the fat growing on my body. Even though I'm fasting today. Even though I've walked over 30 miles this week. Sitting still is driving me crazy. At 8pm I'll hit about 24hrs of rest on the joints. Can I go to the gym then? Can I? Will that be ok? I need to get at least 5k steps in today. I have to. God this is stressful.

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[Discussion] Can it ever end?
/u/charredsouls
Created: Sat Dec 10 14:57:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hmlbe/can_it_ever_end/
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A few months ago I was 165 ish pounds. A couple months ago I got down to about 150 and started feeling semi good about myself for the first time. Now I'm 138 lbs at 5'11'', a BMI of 19.2. In 5-6 pounds I'll be technically 'underweight'. When I first started losing, being in the 130s sound inconceivable -- by then I thought I'd be a skeleton.

However, now that I actually am in the 130s, I don't feel that small. I'm aware I can see my ribs and hip bones pretty well, but there's still a small layer of fat right where my love handles are and the insides of my thighs are still pretty jiggly. I'm worried that when I get to 132-133, which I guess I could classify as my UGW, it's not going to be good enough - not at all. I'm sure there's going to be something that upsets me, especially considering just 5 lbs from how I look now doesn't seem like enough. I've always been in awe of people who are able to achieve a sub 18 BMI, but now I'm quickly realizing how that doesn't exactly sound unreasonable.

For anybody who has gone from 'normal' weight to 'underweight', did you ever feel satisfied, or are you still trying to lose?

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[Rant/Rave] I'm about to start the easiest 32 hour fast of my life! [rave]
/u/wanderingdorathy
Created: Sat Dec 10 14:28:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hmfzj/im_about_to_start_the_easiest_32_hour_fast_of_my/
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I'm flying home!


8 hour leg, 2 hour layover, 8 hour leg, 12 hour layover (probably going to be spent sleeping on the floor of ATL) 2 hour leg and then I'll be home!


Seriously though, I'm going to be sitting, sleeping, watching movies, wash, rinse, repeat... there is absolutely no justification for eating anything. Plane food is gross, airport food is over priced.


Aaand a really good friend who I have a thing for is picking me up from the airport. I've lost consistently since I last saw him in aug, and I just want him to see how tiny I've gotten.


Plus, based off a thread earlier this week, I downloaded "Wasted" to read on the way back.

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[Help] This might be a lil crazy bit can someone help me check my math?
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 10 13:54:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hm9m0/this_might_be_a_lil_crazy_bit_can_someone_help_me/
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I feel like I went way over my calories because I indulged in eggnog today (cousins bday, good excuse while you sip your whiskey, you're an alcoholic amirite) but anyway. The bottle is 750 ml which is about 3.2 cups I believe and 25.4 fl oz. I had two glasses of it. I gave some to my mom also and the bottle isn't even halfway done. So there is no way I had two cups right? So there's no way I drank 600 kcal in eggnog? Sorry if this is extra the only cals I don't count are my straight whiskey. Eggnog is definitely fattening so I need to know this lol thank you. I wanted to have a not care day. Not care days for disordered eaters=binge yay I'm off to go snort some baby swiss cheese and chase it with whiskey and self hatred 😘

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[Tip] Something I've started doing to motivate myself not to binge
/u/WorstCunt [donkey brain]
Created: Sat Dec 10 13:41:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hm7ai/something_ive_started_doing_to_motivate_myself/
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I recently relapsed really badly. I mean, I was never fully recovered but I was sorta coping. Anyway I went extreme with restriction, actually I'm on a constant fast, but that inevitably lead to massive binge and purge sessions.

At it's worst I spent £300 in 10 days on B+P. Bad, right?! I got things back under control and managed to stop B+P multiple times a day, or even every other day.

If I order takeaway I'd spend on average £20, but if it's just supermarket food it's usually a tenner.

So now every time I have the strong urge to go to the supermarket and buy loads of food to B+P on I put £10 in my savings account.

That way my current account has less money and I'm less motivated to spend on frivolous things but I still get to keep the money for something I want later (I have a thing about taking money out of my savings account, I just can't do it once it's in there). I seriously could have gone on holiday with that £300 I pissed away. It's so stupid.

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Not ED related but i got some Limited Edition Adventure Time Doc Martens like 2 weeks ago and am obsessed.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Dec 10 12:11:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hlq4w/not_ed_related_but_i_got_some_limited_edition/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/664b5b4b70ac4b53a0f29947dd8a04ae?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=f504dc684d6b49ff6473870cffb65e3a

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[Thinspo] I'm really enjoying Lady Gaga's Million Reasons Victoria Secret video as thinspo right now! Thought you guys might enjoy :)
/u/BecomingJessica
Created: Sat Dec 10 11:18:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hlg6x/im_really_enjoying_lady_gagas_million_reasons/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1svgv1Ns12U

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[Other] I never binged before restriction
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 10 09:57:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hl12l/i_never_binged_before_restriction/
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I was just thinking about this today. I use to be the one who rationed candy until it went bad, I'd take a week or two to finish a bag of chips, I'd eat ONE piece of something. I overate occasionally as everyone does but I never 'binged'. Now If I have the chance I definitely will eat whole bags of candy, Chips, eat whole pizzas, whole batches of cookies ECT. Even when I was eating maintenance I still had the urge to binge Sometimes.

Restriction broke my brain because it doesn't think it's going to get food regularly I guess 😕

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[Rant/Rave] Got told I "don't look anorexic" today.
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | GW:115 | -16 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 10 09:41:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hky5c/got_told_i_dont_look_anorexic_today/
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A normal person would take this as a compliment. I'm spiraling out of control and crying and eating pizza and hating myself.

What is wrong with me.

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[Rant/Rave] Skipping the scale
/u/uughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Created: Sat Dec 10 09:09:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hksj7/skipping_the_scale/
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Yesterday I really really felt like I was going to binge and even went as far as to plan what I was going to binge on. But because I had things to do I ended up not being able to weigh myself in the morning. I ended up sticking to 540 cals. Now I'm 20 hours into a fast and didn't weigh myself this morning. I think I'm going to stick to not weighing myself for the moment being 😅! I was even given my favourite chocolate and I have NO urge to eat it :D

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Christmas !
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Dec 10 09:05:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hkrtx/christmas/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Does anyone else have a little treasure trove of binge foods?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 10 08:48:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hkoux/does_anyone_else_have_a_little_treasure_trove_of/
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[deleted]

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This is mean of me, but...
/u/vinome [5'3 | CW128 | BMI22.1 | GW110 | 25F]
Created: Sat Dec 10 08:19:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hkk2j/this_is_mean_of_me_but/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] 174// Morning Thinspo! ✨💕
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Dec 10 08:14:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hkjbo/174_morning_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/4455ecd1b2b040039ef238d353a0afcb?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=c9b0a80eca166b2732421892f76cf986

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! December 10, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Dec 10 05:07:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hjued/stupid_questions_saturday_december_10_2016/
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This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for December 10, 2016.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 10, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Dec 10 05:07:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hjudt/daily_food_diary_december_10_2016/
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This is a daily food diary thread for December 10, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Other] Anyone else extremely paranoid that they'll run into someone they know irl on here?
/u/aaren0 [5'5 | shisno]
Created: Sat Dec 10 02:53:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hjh0s/anyone_else_extremely_paranoid_that_theyll_run/
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This is a bit off-topic, sorry. .__. I felt like I needed to vent a little bit, because this is something that has been bothering me for months now. It's gotten to the point where I have to compulsively check the post history of every user who bears even a slight resemblance to [**insert abusive person's name here**] to make sure that it's not them, after all. They've already found two of my tumblr blogs (my main one and the remake), which pretty much ruined the entire site for me. I'm honestly considering deleting all of my accounts everywhere and never making a personal post ever again. :(

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[Rant/Rave] Hit on by friend's dad, super triggering
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 10 00:03:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hizo1/hit_on_by_friends_dad_super_triggering/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] different standards for yourself and your SO
/u/wyydean [5'3| CW125lb | GW100lb | F]
Created: Fri Dec 9 23:06:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hisj5/different_standards_for_yourself_and_your_so/
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i hate my body with a passion
my belly
my chin
my back
ughhhhhhh
but i loooooove datingg girls who are bigger theyre so sexy
and i get so insecure from my skinny ass boyfriend that its almost a turn off
is anyone else this annoyingly hypocritical 😭

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[Rant/Rave] Husband considering divorce over my relapse :(
/u/Mrs-Schrute [5'9" | 117 lbs | 16.97 | -40 | 19F]
Created: Fri Dec 9 20:47:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hi9ad/husband_considering_divorce_over_my_relapse/
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As you can see by my flair, I'm 19 and married. My husband is 20. I know, I know.

Our mothers worked together when we were pre-k age (around 4 years old) and became fast friends which meant my husband and I did too. I'm going to shorten his name to J for a bit of privacy.

Since we lived in a really tight-knit community and our moms were best friends, we basically grew up together. It's that sickly sweet story where the kids grow up together and date forever and get married and have awesome jobs and have lots of babies and live happily ever after, except not.

We've been "dating" since we were old enough to walk to the park and hold hands. I love him so much. He's seriously an incredible person and is always pushing to make us both better people. This is all over the place, sorry.

I don't (and didn't) have the greatest relationship with my family. My dad is a POS who I haven't spoken to in years. My mom married my stepdad and had more kids with him and they sorta "replaced" me. They all love me but it wasn't a good situation. They kicked me out when I was 16 to go live with J and his family. More on that later.

When I was 12, my weird eating habits developed into a full-blown ED. I somehow kept it very well hidden until I passed out in front of J and his mom at 15. I went through treatment and recovered for the time being. J was really supportive and part of the reason why I actually put forth effort to recover was because I saw how hurt and afraid he was to see me like that.

Then a year later, I got into a stupid teenage fight with my mom and they decided that with my ED and my teenage hormones I was too bad of an influence on my younger siblings and I needed to leave. J and his family were so kind and welcoming and they took me in. We had very strict rules and separate bedrooms and everything so it was really beneficial and not at all what people think when they imagine that kind of situation.

When we graduated high school, J joined the military. I'm very proud of him, but sadly he chose a job that deploys often. In our year-ish of marriage, he's barely spent any time home. This was the reason we decided to get married instead of waiting like we originally wanted to. The military doesn't care about girlfriends. I know it's not the best idea but still it happened and honestly I'm very happy about it.

Since recovering I gained a lot of weight. I thought it was supposed to be that way. I don't know. But when J left for his most recent deployment, I was NOT 117 pounds. While he was gone this time, somehow I snapped and relapsed really badly. He came home for a few weeks and was so upset when he saw me. He knew immediately and I could just see the pain in his eyes.

After lots of tears and fighting he has started mentioning divorce. He feels so terrible because he promised me through thick and thin and sickness and health but he feels betrayed and hurt and he said he can't watch someone he loves do this to themselves and not try and get help. He's hurt that I won't do anything to help myself. I really can't blame him regardless of the vows though. He thought this was over and I was better.

This isn't worth my marriage but I fucking hate gaining weight and I hate eating a lot and I hate recovering. Again I'm sorry this is all over the place, I'm just upset and needed to vent so badly. I don't even know why I'm posting this. Thanks for reading.

TLDR: My husband J has been with me through my original ED and recovery and now that I've relapsed our marriage has started to fall apart. Just needed to vent I guess.

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Out of control
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 9 20:11:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hi3qz/out_of_control/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] flying on empty
/u/light_hollow_space [5'4 | CW: 141 | BMI 24 | -54 | F | GW: 115 | LW: 99 | SW: 195]
Created: Fri Dec 9 20:08:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hi397/flying_on_empty/
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Fasting 12 hours, liquids only. It may go longer.

So f'n high... I feel like...this [article](https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn12718-starving-is-like-ecstasy-use-for-anorexia-sufferers/) is very true and happening to me right now.

I haven't eaten today, but had a coffee with some almond milk and 3 or 4 diet cokes and a few vitamins. So high on this feeling, its so weird to feel.

Usually I eat 100-200 calories sometime during the day or I start eating around 6 pm or so.

I know this isn't much for some, but for me this has never happened so effortlessly before.

I know part of me is hungry but its in a compartment. It's not bothering me. In fact, I feel high, and awake and alive and I have never quite felt like this before.

I'm fairly certain its my new ADD meds, and keeping busy.

It was so hard before to do this and it's getting easier. Yesterday I had a bunch of no-no foods at our xmas party -- sugary frosting cookies and eggnog and candy! It was all I ate that day and I couldn't bring myself to log the calories, I was so grossed out by having done it.

Now today it's somehow effortless. I was really really busy today which helped, and I was moving around a lot doing tasks.

I think I felt a little dizzy on the train home today and when I did I thought it actually kind of felt fun, like tripping.

I know these attitudes are supposed to be hella unhealthy but I feel like anything is justified to get me to my goal.

I'm so incredulous about all this. I want to believe I have control over this, and I think I do for the most part. I want to keep it under my thumb. Am I deluding myself if I think I can really do that? Is it going to turn on me any second and make me a slave? I really don't feel like one, but I really think this wouldn't be the case without my new add meds which reduce appetite a lot.

Anyhow, its 7 PM so it's been 12 hours now. I am sure I can go at least one more.

Hoping for 153 by Monday, won't be able to weigh until then!!

This is a bit scary to share so raw and off the cuff like this but I needed to share about this and talk about it and I knew I could bring it here, thanks for being here and reading this. I hope that I haven't been too stupid here.

Thanks for reading if you did.

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[Rant/Rave] CICO and logic support? (Recovery? Ish?)
/u/skinnyhero [5' 4" | CW: 164.9 | 31.5% BF | -27.1 | NB/F]
Created: Fri Dec 9 19:17:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hhvd5/cico_and_logic_support_recovery_ish/
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I'm feeling very weak. Part of it is that I started doing keto, and I feel very lethargic from that. But I think I need to make a decision to raise my calories at least until I'm adapted to keto... and I logically KNOW I will lose weight eating 1500 calories. But I'm so afraid of what will happen if I do. that my loss will stall or reverse. I cannot fathom gaining weight. It petrifies me. I need to lose the rest of this. But if I can't do my workouts or training... things feel pointless. UGH

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[Other] Figuring out my binge triggers
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Fri Dec 9 19:13:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hhuql/figuring_out_my_binge_triggers/
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This post ended up being half a novel, I didn't intend to write this much but here we are. Thank you to anyone who reads the whole thing or even just a bit of it. It's nice to be listened to <3

Today has not been a great day for me but I'm sitting right now and reflecting on why I've eaten what I have. There have been a few foods that, when I've thought about things that happened immediately before it, what mood I was in, and the situation I was in at the time, I've recognised that when these situations have happened in the past, I've been much more likely to binge then too. So I think a few of my triggers are:

* Going to the shop with more money than I need. I find it so hard to resist temptation, especially when I get to choose what to buy, because I live at home so the shopping is normally done by my mum. A possible solution: Only bring enough money to buy what I planned.

* Disappointment, feeling let down, or not sticking to plans that I've made. My boyfriend told me earlier that he could see me today, then fell asleep and ran out of time to. I don't blame him for this, it was never the plan to see him today anyway, but I was excited and then I was let down, and that triggered a binge. Of course I choose my own reactions for what happens to me, but whether I act on the feeling or not, the urge to binge gets way stronger after situations like these. A possible solution: Find other ways to cope with my emotions when things go wrong. Go for a walk, have a bubble bath, get lost in a book, film, or game, or even just cry. Anything to distract me and let out those negative emotions.

* Opportunity, or thinking that it's my last time to be able to eat a certain food. If I feel like there's a food available to me, I often feel like if I don't have it now, it might be months before I can have it again. Which is stupid. One, that's so rarely true, and two, so what if it is? It's only food. I'll also not even be in the mood for eating but if I walk past something in the kitchen that I could potentially eat, I'll grab it and either stash it for later or eat it then and there. This also links into my worry about wasted food. If I don't eat it, no one else will and then it will have to be chucked out, so I eat it. Possible solutions: Remind myself that eating this 'wasted food' is also wasting it, because I don't need it (which is something that someone on this subreddit told me a while back so thank you). Also to remind myself that I don't have to say yes to food every time it's offered, it's ok, I can say yes next time. It'll be there again.

* Feeling like I've already messed up so I might as well just continue to. This is something I really struggle with, and I know a lot of other people here do too. Today I messed up by eating over 1000 caories, so I felt bad and said fuck it and ate to maintenance, which made me feel bad and now I've eaten over 2000 calories. If I'd had stayed at 1200, that would still have been an under maintenance day, but now its a gain day. This mindset is really not a good way to go through life and it can apply to other aspects too. There are plenty of logical quotes about this; don't throw away the whole bunch because of one bad rose, if you drop your phone on the floor you don't then decide to smash it with a hammer (paraphrased), and there's a few more I can't think of off the top of my head. Messing up a bit is always better than messing up a lot. A possible solution: I really don't know for this one, apart from just reminding myself of all the logical reasoning as to why I shouldn't mess up further just because I messed up a bit.

I know there must be more triggers than just those four, and more solutions, but I'm happy that I've identified them. Hopefully now that I have, I can recognise when I'm feeling the urge to binge because of one of these things. Things I still need to figure out are why I feel like I have to eat entire things in one sitting instead of saving some for another day, and why I'm more likely to binge in the evenings. But I'll figure them out eventually.

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[Tip] TIL...
/u/vhenah [5'7 | 133.6 | 20.85 | -86.4 | MOO]
Created: Fri Dec 9 18:05:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hhjxd/til/
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TIL that EDs can cause seizures, and while I might have just had a super small one that manifested in that 'underwater feeling'/dizziness, I still don't want to eat. The fuck.

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[Help] Diagnosed with Bipolar Yesterday
/u/ssattub [5'6.5''| 125lbs | 19.88 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 9 15:18:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hgpzt/diagnosed_with_bipolar_yesterday/
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Not eating disorder related but that was the reason I went to the hospital yesterday. Didn't proofread this. Sorry for the wall of text.

I wish I could talk to a friend about this but I'm not entirely sure what I'd even SAY. But here's a stream of what's going on in my mind. Here goes...

I don't enjoy living in San Francisco. I liked living in NorCal better. I moved here sort of as a last ditch effort to try to keep up school after having a stalker in the previous city, but shortly after moving here was raped. Which I guess was the catalyst for me getting worse and hitting my worst low.... which led eventually to my diagnosis. I can't say I'm surprised at the diagnosis. It really DOES sound like me. But I guess that means I need to figure out where to go from here. Does this change who I am? No. But now I see myself as a bit of an unreliable narrator. This is why my eating and mood have always been so strange.

My parents don't believe in mental illness. Their health plan doesn't cover it. I can't afford my own health plan. January is coming up, so I've called my father and asked him to change plans. He said he'll think about it. I really fucking want therapy so I can learn to function. For some reason I have only been able to find sliding scale psychiatrists... which, well. Meds are great and all but I'd rather learn how to cope then be drugged up. I'd still take meds but come on now, the more help the better.

As far as my first point about not liking SF, I had wanted to move to Oregon when I first moved here. I wanted to take a year off, settle myself after a startling experience with stalking, and then apply to a university there as a transfer student. But my parents offered to help me pay for school if I didn't take a year off and returned right away. The dean of my university offered to help me set up a transfer. I didn't satisfy requirements for transfer and it was past the application deadline. She knew someone at a uni in SF so that's how I ended up here.

Every college I had applied to was in a rural area. A small school with great hiking trails and good off-roading around it. Not this. I hate cities. So the whole time I have been living here I have been counting down the days until I graduate so I can move somewhere rural again. Well, I'm not doing well in school. I feel I need to take time off to learn how to manage my mood. So, in that case, why not just go with my original plan and move to Oregon?

Now here's my issue: I am an unreliable narrator. I am unstable. I don't know many people up there. AND I'm broke. I'm on a lease in SF for another year and a half. So the questions I have for myself are, should I actually move? (yes) and how do I make that happen?

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[Help] Considering Inpatient
/u/APairofScales [5'6" | CW:Too Much | BMI:Nope| Weight Lost:Too Little | Male]
Created: Fri Dec 9 14:16:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hgdhk/considering_inpatient/
---
I've finally decided I need to consider inpatient treatment for my BED, but I'm not sure where to go from here. I worry I'm too far away, not 'serious' enough of a case to be admitted, that my finances can't cover it (all I have is Medicaid). Feeling lost again.

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[Rant/Rave] Food-induced anxiety attack at work
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 112 | 20.4 | -56| GW: 105| 20.48]
Created: Fri Dec 9 14:13:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hgcsp/foodinduced_anxiety_attack_at_work/
---
I have honestly had the shittiest week and the most awful morning and I just need to vent to people who might understand.
I work in a student org office on my campus, so we do a lot of events where we offer people free food. Today we were doing a finals themed de-stress thing, and I had already had my planned lunch and everything was fine and then my boss just shows up with a feast of free food that wasn't even supposed to be there and puts it all on the table I'm sitting at.
I don't know what happened but I freaked. My heart started racing and my breathing got shallow and wasn't even that I wanted to eat it. I just was SO uncomfortable being around it. Smelling it. Watching other people eat it. I just hate food. I hate that it exists, I hate that we use it for entertainment, I hate that I need it to survive. I fucking hate it.
The worst part is that they all have suspicions because they see me more than anyone and they have noticed the weight loss and make comments about the fact that I don't ever eat the free food and so it wasn't even casual when I made an excuse to leave.
And frankly, I am in such a bad place mentally right now that I have no idea how I'm going to survive the next 11 days of finals. I feel like I don't care about anything other than restriction. But thats not an option. My brain has to function and I have to maintain my GPA.

So now I'm home, crying and attempting to write an ethics paper. Pretending like I'm not a fucking mess who can't even handle being around cookies.

TLDR; I'm a freak and food at work made me hyperventilate.

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[Help] Ugh, Family is telling me to gain weight even though I have a BMI of 23!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 9 13:51:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hg8di/ugh_family_is_telling_me_to_gain_weight_even/
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So I finally got into a groove and started losing weight again, Thus far only 6 pounds but it's very noticeable on me apparently. My family is telling me "Maybe you need to gain a bit of weight back" and how "skinny" I'm looking. I don't understand because I've been down to 124 before and maintained it for months without them even noticing(They thought I was 130-ish)

It's really annoying, I just want to be left alone I'm barely into the healthy BMI category so I know I'm not truly skinny or anything. I hope they forget about this soon and move on to something else to annoy me about haha, I just want to get down to 100-ish for once :\ . Anyway I can get them off my case?

New throwaway because someone found my old one >.>

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[Help] How do you undo 4 days of overeating?
/u/Skinnystems
Created: Fri Dec 9 11:13:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hfb72/how_do_you_undo_4_days_of_overeating/
---
I had spent some time restricting and eating healthy and no indulging, and after some time of heavy discipline, I found the body I want to keep forever. I haven't been far off from that body, but just as I always do, once I succeed, I throw it all away with overeating. I had made a trip to my boyfriend's house on Monday and he hugs me and the first thing he said was "How much have you been eating? I feel like I could throw you to the moon?" I was so delighted, but also pretty hungry. So he fed me and I allowed him to feed me his delicious mac and cheese. And then over the next few days I spent at his place, I ate and ate and ate. I kept looking at myself in the mirror and body checking and I didn't seem to be blowing up from all of the food and wine, but lo and behold, yesterday (Thursday) I had made the conscious choice after leaving his house and going to work to allow myself one more day of shit eating before I got myself back on track. And today... today I look at this body in the mirror and feel like I've undone everything. I'm incredibly disappointed, but also motivated because I am acknowledging what I have done to get me to this point, but also know I can get myself back to that body I want forever... it just always seems so far away when you've gotten yourself back to that bloaty blob you see in the mirror.

So, I ask for ya'll's advice on how to kick start this journey again and get myself back to that? I imagine I'm not far off... but it just feels like it. Thanks for reading. And I hope it's okay to be asking this.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm gonna fucking recover
/u/eldariya [140lbs of 6 foot 4 Russian Homo ]
Created: Fri Dec 9 10:40:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hf46l/im_gonna_fucking_recover/
---
I fucking deserve recovery I'm a nice person (apart from the fact that I laughed at an old woman falling over on the bus lmao dumb old bitch)
I got the strangest recovery inspiration from the strangest place...A camboy show. He was perfect and a fellow russian and had beautiful thick thighs and it was like yes bitch this is gonna be me in 6 months time, so I just ate 7 slices of pizza and didn't feel guilty at all and I'm in such a weird mood right now like I'm super giddy and happy and it hasn't set in yet that I'm gonna recover but wooo

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[Thinspo] 174.2 // Daily Thinspo ✨💕
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri Dec 9 09:44:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hery6/1742_daily_thinspo/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/8fade985744548e3bc6a83c29813cde3?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=bc472f8055a7b6e9be73b1ee43ff4319

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[Thinspo] smiley thinspo :)
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | hw: 139 | cw: 114 | gw: 95 | 19F]
Created: Fri Dec 9 09:35:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5heq1m/smiley_thinspo/
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http://imgur.com/a/PIsrG

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[Help] My relationship is falling apart because of my ED. Anyone else no longer attracted to their SO?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 9 09:23:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hency/my_relationship_is_falling_apart_because_of_my_ed/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Keto diet?
/u/420blazefiend [5'4'' | 119.05 | 19.83 | -22 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 9 09:11:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hekv4/keto_diet/
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I want to cut out carbs and do a keto thing, but I just read that keto promotes muscle growth and I don't want to be thick and muscly. If I undereat, is there any chance that this will happen? I don't know if I sound like a crazy person right now, but I feel like one.

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[Rant/Rave] Pizza :(
/u/scaredalternate [5'5'' | 163 | GW 160 | UGW 120 | -57lbs | M]
Created: Fri Dec 9 08:28:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hebyq/pizza/
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Wasn't planning on eating until tonight (72 hour fast) but last night I got drunk and my boyfriend ordered us pizza and I ate 7 slices of a medium pizza with extra cheese, 2 pieces of garlic bread, 5 chicken wings, plus all of the alcohol and mixers. It was probably around 3000 calories in such a short amount of time, I felt like my stomach was going to explode and he probably thinks I'm so fat even though he ate more than I did. I haven't eaten this much food or calories in months and I feel so terrible and I wanted to die all night.

He's taking me out tonight too and I'm not eating all day and I'm only giving myself 1000 calories tonight, but who knows how well that's going to work because I lose all control when I drink.

Anyways, my boyfriend gets really upset when I express my disordered eating to him (understandably) so is there anyone who wants to be a chatting buddy with me so I don't post here all the time? Or would it be allowed to make a discord group for a bunch of people? I don't know, I just don't want to feel so alone in this.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm really fucking happy today
/u/Thunder2WonderThighs
Created: Fri Dec 9 08:15:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5he9bu/im_really_fucking_happy_today/
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Sorry if this comes off as braggy, but I'm usually so depressed and I just need to share. I crushed my first live music performance last night, banged my first groupie, and lost 2lbs overnight. I'm only 5lbs away from my lowest weight. I don't know how things could have been any better. :-) :-) :-)

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[Rant/Rave] My friend with a perfect body wants to lose weight and it's triggering
/u/TheMostExoticFlower [5'4 | -50lbs | F]
Created: Fri Dec 9 06:44:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hdt5c/my_friend_with_a_perfect_body_wants_to_lose/
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My friend (who knows I have an ED) texted me if she should eat less so that she could lose weight by January. Bear in mind, her body is goalsss. I feel so hurt that she thought it was appropriate to text me that. It's makes me wanna restrict even more. I've always been "the fat one" and I want to be lighter than her. Well I guess now I just have to work even harder.

I know thinking this way is a bit fucked up, but I also think it's fucked up of her to text me that when she knows I have an eating disorder AND I'm heavier than her. God, she can be so stupid sometimes.

---

[Intro] :(
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | sw 🐳 gw bones | 24F]
Created: Fri Dec 9 05:44:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hdjps/_/
---
I'm on mobile so I don't know how to tag this or whatever. I'm sorry. I've been lurking on here for awhile but I just need to get this off my chest. I'm feeling so disgusting and awful. Last year I was in such good shape and eating well and running every day and suddenly I've gained a shit ton of weight and I didn't even really think about it until my boyfriend took a candid of me. I'm a whale.
I've been down to about 700-800 cals a day for a few days now and I guess that's too soon for anything to change but I'm just so tired and gross and I don't even feel like having sex... I don't get how I haven't lost weight. I've obsessively counted everything, I've cut out soda and fast food and chocolate and basically fucking anything delicious.
I started taking laxatives about twice a day and that hasn't done anything either. Idk. I just wanted someone to listen. Sorry if this breaks any rules or anything.

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! December 09, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Dec 9 05:11:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hdfah/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for December 09, 2016.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

**Rules**

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host.

Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, inspiration behind your OOTD (trying to look thin or cover up weightloss, etc.)!

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 09, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Dec 9 05:10:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hdf9n/daily_food_diary_december_09_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 09, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Help] Most filling foods ideas?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 9 04:30:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hda78/most_filling_foods_ideas/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] DAE hate when someone asks how you're doing?
/u/TheMostExoticFlower [5'4 | -50lbs | F]
Created: Fri Dec 9 03:11:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hd134/dae_hate_when_someone_asks_how_youre_doing/
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I hate it when someone I don't see that often messages me out of the blue and asks how I'm doing. It's just so stressful because I don't like to lie and say I'm doing okay but I also don't want to seem like a total loser. And I can't carry a conversation with them because I feel blank. I feel so empty and I feel like I've lost all my personality and I have nothing to offer. I feel like I've become boring and I'm scared of it.

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[Tip] What helped me with binging
/u/thebroco
Created: Fri Dec 9 03:05:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hd0dy/what_helped_me_with_binging/
---
Hi everyone! So I've been struggling with binge eating for a really long time and for a while it was really starting to depress me. Every time I ate I felt like I was fighting the some kind of inner demon egging me on to absolutely gorge myself. I hated food, but at least a few times a week I'd eat until I was physically in pain.

I read Brain Over Binge, and for a little while it helped, and it definitely helped me understand what was going on, but overall I still couldn't completely stop binging. I felt pretty hopeless for a while, but since I really get obsessive about research and reading I decided to go back to the sources of a lot of books on binging, which happens to be how-to books on quitting smoking.

Guys. I'm not saying this is some kind of miracle cure, I still struggle with obsessing over food, but they have honestly helped SO DAMN MUCH. Specifically I looked into Allen Carr's Easy Way To Stop Smoking (there's a pdf floating around somewhere), and just focused on mentally replacing the words he used that related to smoking with binge-related words (smoker=binge-eater, smoking=binging/overeating). It takes a bit of imagination, but you'll get what I mean. Smoking and binge eating are really super similar, and his approach of dealing with it is really straightforward and helpful. I haven't binged since I read it, and I know so many of you guys also deal with binge eating so I figured a lot of you would at least want to take a look, especially if you've already tried Brain Over Binge.

I really hope this helps!

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restricting without exercise?
/u/wyydean [5'3| CW125lb | GW100lb | F]
Created: Fri Dec 9 01:04:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hcn5i/restricting_without_exercise/
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[removed]

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[Help] How do I feel like a human again after a binge
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Fri Dec 9 01:00:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hcmlm/how_do_i_feel_like_a_human_again_after_a_binge/
---
I feel like shit. I'm skipping class to stare into space and hate myself and be fat because I'm so fucking bloated. I just can't deal with anything or anyone right now and I can feel my bloated stomach pressing against my jeans. I'm just so fucked.

How do I feel better?

No flair/on mobile

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[Thinspo] glitter and confidence
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 150lbs | bmi: 29 | -15lbs | f]
Created: Thu Dec 8 23:52:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hcebq/glitter_and_confidence/
---
http://imgur.com/a/Zetpn

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[Discussion] Why do you wake up every morning?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 8 23:29:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hcbag/why_do_you_wake_up_every_morning/
---
This isn't directly eating disorder related but I think there's lots of overlap with deep depression here and I just sort of want to hear why other people keep going. Thank you.

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[Rant/Rave] I feel SO out of control (can't flair, on mobile:[ )
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| fatty | GW 145 | -32.6lbs | 25F]
Created: Thu Dec 8 23:08:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hc8fb/i_feel_so_out_of_control_cant_flair_on_mobile/
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I was doing so good restricting and staying away from the "forbidden" foods...

Then my boyfriend noticed and he got pissed at me. He would yell at me if I didn't eat, so obviously I fell back into binging.... I know it's my fault for putting it in my mouth but for fucks sake.

I wanted ONE THING I could control. One. Thing.

And I can't have it, I want to die. I'm miserable and I'm sure I've gained 10 lbs.

I'm too afraid to step on the scale.

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[Discussion] I found a 30 minute personal documentary on anorexia on youtube. I thought I watched and re-watched all youtube had to offer but this popped up in my suggestions. It's extremely relateable. Link inside for ya
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 8 22:29:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hc2wy/i_found_a_30_minute_personal_documentary_on/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJMNpHoJ7Kg&t=611s

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[Rant/Rave] I hate that my ED makes me a viciously jealous girlfriend when it goes against everything I want to be.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 8 21:08:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hbqfz/i_hate_that_my_ed_makes_me_a_viciously_jealous/
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I have an ED because I have this vision of myself being all-powerful, confident, sexy, untouchable, etc.

But, he's 4 hours away. He's going to a college formal tonight for an organization he's a part of (with his buddies - no date but still). All those girls, all those dresses. Will somebody be hotter because they're skinnier? Will someone be hotter because they're thicker and curvier? ANYONE is hotter because I'm not there and I can't be that girl for him.

And I try so hard to contain my extreme jealously and emotional discontent and drama. But it slips out in enraged text messages.

I'm NOT this person, I don't want to be "THAT" girlfriend. I KNOW that sexy = confident. But I'm dying inside and I can't pick myself out of it.

Fuck this ED and FUCK the low self-esteem that it imposes on us when we are FINE. IN REALITY, WE ARE FINE, WE ARE OKAY, PEOPLE LOVE US FOR MORE THAN OUR BODY BUT....I can't FEEL that. It's only words and ideas to me, not reality.

Fucking shit dude :(

---

[Thinspo] Daily thinspo. Did you guys miss me?
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Thu Dec 8 20:20:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hbiii/daily_thinspo_did_you_guys_miss_me/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/96811a7159b544d78e0199ddd09dedc2?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=984bd98ecd77241df864aa0254fb97b5

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo. Did you guys miss me??
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 8 20:13:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hbh7o/daily_thinspo_did_you_guys_miss_me/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/a74953f7fbc44fc487836d367fffafb2?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=01f1e2200a40751de1fca45697c0ccb3

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[Help] First day without purging and i'm struggling
/u/chimichanga_mischief [5"4 | 155 | 27.1 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 8 19:42:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hbby7/first_day_without_purging_and_im_struggling/
---
Hi everyone,


Lately I've been pulled back into the b/p cycle. I've been eating minimally throughout the day and having a huge dinner and purging it. I've been doing this for about 3-4 weeks now, and I've been purging at least once a day sometimes twice.


For the last couple days I've noticed during and after purging my chest hurts, and I was worried about my heart so I'm trying to stop for a little while.


Today was my first day without purging in a while and I really struggled with it. Even though I tried my best to stick to healthy foods I still managed to fuck up (starbucks breakfast sandwiches are my weakness). And when I calculated it all out with the portion sizes I ate sooooo much. I ate above maintenance today :(


Anyway I'm really upset and I know I can't purge but I'm just so frustrated with myself because the stress of not being able to purge makes me want to eat more.


I feel like I have no one in my real life who I can talk to about this because they're going to just see not purging as a success and not understand why I'm upset. I'm also worried if I tell someone that my heart was hurting, they're going to make me go to the hospital or something. So I'm super grateful to be able to talk to all of you in a judgement free zone about this kind of stuff :)

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[Goal] Ultimate goal
/u/ffj_ [5'4" | way too much | ridiculous | -15 | F | UGW: 91.4]
Created: Thu Dec 8 19:28:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hb9gm/ultimate_goal/
---
So as of now, my Ultimate Goal Weight is 91.3 pounds (for a BMI of 16) but my Ultimate *Ultimate* goal is to be able to go into Justice (a preteen clothing store) and be able to fit into a Medium, at the biggest. Children have such cute clothes. I have been fat ever since I was little so I missed the chance.

Not saying I want to be mistaken for a child but yea...is that weird?

---

[Rant/Rave] I binged
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Thu Dec 8 19:00:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hb4lp/i_binged/
---
It's nothing I can't fix, but I just feel so grossly full now. I calculated it and it's about 1150 calories. Didn't even enjoy it and now I'm super bloated. Also, I still haven't been to the bathroom. Also it's 3 AM.

Fuck my life. I just wanna be empty again.

On mobile/no flair

---

[Discussion] Has anyone ever actually reached their UGW and felt satisfied?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | 158 |26.8| -37 | F |]
Created: Thu Dec 8 18:53:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5hb3d0/has_anyone_ever_actually_reached_their_ugw_and/
---
I know in my experience and many other people have told me that they've experienced this too, where no matter what your goal is when you reach it it never feels like enough so you just keep going. Has any body ever gotten to a point where they truly felt satisfied and idk, while I guess?

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[Rant/Rave] Had a Doctors appointment and they weighed me...
/u/dirtandherbs [Height 5'2 | CW 102 | BMI 18.02 | Female]
Created: Thu Dec 8 17:31:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5haoui/had_a_doctors_appointment_and_they_weighed_me/
---
I'm fat. I feel absolutely disgusting. I'm not eating. I'm not eating til it's gone.

---

[Help] Soup recipes??
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Thu Dec 8 16:59:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5haikt/soup_recipes/
---
So I haven't eaten in probably over a week now, but I think I'm gonna have to eat dinner with the family :P any yummy low cal soup ideas?

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[Other] Heads up! Fitbit Flex only $40 on Amazon today, unsure how long sale is
/u/BlackHairedBloodElf [5' 2" | CW: 101 | GW: 99 | 18.6 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 8 16:18:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5haavj/heads_up_fitbit_flex_only_40_on_amazon_today/
---
https://www.amazon.com/Fitbit-Wireless-Activity-Sleep-Wristband/dp/B00BGO0Q9O/ref=sr_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1481238996&sr=8-3&keywords=fitbit+flex

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[Help] I haven't shit for like five days
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Thu Dec 8 15:53:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ha5rn/i_havent_shit_for_like_five_days/
---
TMI, I know but I'm dizzy, my head hurts and so does my stomach. What do I do?

I don't have access to laxatives or a store. It has to be something you'd probably be able to find in your average household. I'm upping my calories a bit for this, but it'll be optimal if it's pretty low calorie.

On mobile/no flair

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[Rant/Rave] I feel disgusting, why do I do this?
/u/notyourtoy [5'8" | 126 lbs | 18.95 BMI | -37 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Dec 8 15:50:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ha53c/i_feel_disgusting_why_do_i_do_this/
---
Yesterday I c/s a whole bunch of ice cream. Today, it was cookies.

I'm not even hungry. I have no cravings. I'm starting to *enjoy* c/s and I can't understand it and it is gross. It's a waste of food. I don't even like ice cream and my SO does like ice cream and I'm just taking it away from him and throwing it down the drain. It's horrid. Why. Why do I do this?

I worked out today, burned about 400 calories. I've eaten only 500 calories so far and dinner is going to be small, keeping me under my 1000 calorie limit no problem. So, that's all good. But this c/s thing ruins any satisfaction I might get from that success.

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[Rant/Rave] I drank my calories by noon [rant]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 8 14:56:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h9txi/i_drank_my_calories_by_noon_rant/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] Some thinspo for those of us who are hipster weirdos
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 8 14:53:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h9tbr/some_thinspo_for_those_of_us_who_are_hipster/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzHeNVMqKqg

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[Rant/Rave] When i'm angry or sad its so much easier for me to restrict
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 8 14:35:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h9pmh/when_im_angry_or_sad_its_so_much_easier_for_me_to/
---
So naturally my crazy self does things JUST so I will become upset so I won't eat. My boyfriend and I are fighting so much lately and today I realized that meant I wouldn't eat and that made me a little bit happy. I am going insane :(

---

[Discussion] Nicotine Gum for Appetite Suppression
/u/eatdrinksmokegreen [5'4" | 133 lbs | 23.2 | -37 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Dec 8 14:11:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h9kgj/nicotine_gum_for_appetite_suppression/
---
Hey you guys! I'm curious... Have any of you tried using nicotine gum for appetite supression? I was always a smoker and never had difficulty restricting... after quitting, the calories started to go down a lot easier and the weight started to stick.. My partner is the same but started smoking again months ago and has already thinned out quite a bit.. I have no desire to smoke cigs again but I feel like nicotine might play some role in weight loss .. I tried one piece today and have felt pretty great .. Hardly any hunger since chewing it and am only at 200 calories for the day... Maybe.... Just maybe this will help...

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[Rant/Rave] Purged for the first time in awhile.
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 8 13:08:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h96jv/purged_for_the_first_time_in_awhile/
---
Man oh man. I had moved off the b/p to do the hard restrict because it felt more wholesome, but have recently since "recovered". Ate somewhat normally, but definitely over ate every once in awhile. That's been going on at least a month.


After jumping on the scale and seeing how much it moved I was a little triggered and decided that maybe fasting today would help put me back on track. Going from eating what I want and when I want to trying to fast for 24 hours resulted in me going to Mcdonalds at noon to get a McChicken and a 10 piece mcnugget.


Gobbled it down and promised myself it would be my only meal for the rest of the day and also knowing that I'm lying.


Then it dawned on me that I could just "get rid of it" like I used to so long ago. It came up really slowly because I wasn't drinking any water during because I'm a big fat piggy and swallowed it whole.


This feeling this feeling this feeling. Man, it's all so familiar and comforting, and regretful and disappointing. Like all this hope that I'm going to get back on track and get excited about getting on the scale and watching lbs fall off again. But also feeling like a fucking failure all the time and constantly thinking about food and calories.


Why in the world am I so ready to jump back on this train? A slimmer me (and I'm not even that big), is sooooo important to me. It's all I want and I'm willing to destroy my eating habits and test my will power in a way that sets me up for guaranteed failure for it.


It's crazy how fast and how hard this hit me. I literally didn't care that much yesterday, and today the fire has been lit. Will I ever be okay? What the hell is this deep sadness, and extreme excitement? Anyways, if you're still with me, thanks for reading. I just had to put it on paper in an attempt to understand myself.

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[Discussion] Annoying my friends and family by talking about food and exercise too much
/u/BladeStorm645 [5'8 | CW:145 | 22.8 | -20 | GW:120 | M]
Created: Thu Dec 8 12:12:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h8u0z/annoying_my_friends_and_family_by_talking_about/
---
DAE have this problem?

It just feels like all i can think of is how much I've exercised and how much my stomach hurts and how little I ate. It feels like i'm distancing myself because i'm completely obsessed. It feels awful to hear my friends try to help me but are unable to. It still doesn't stop my obsession though. :(

How do you think of other things while hungry?

---

[Intro] Long Time Binger, First Time Purger - Introduction and Questions
/u/dansla116 [5'9" | 137.4 | 20.3 | -10.6 | M]
Created: Thu Dec 8 12:07:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h8t1h/long_time_binger_first_time_purger_introduction/
---
First of all, my flair has an M at the end. Yes I am a guy. Guys have these problems too. I've always been conscious of my weight and appearance. I weigh myself every day and count calories. I like to think I work hard to avoid overeating and stick to my cardio and weight-training. So why am I here? Why now?

I’ve been a binge eater for a long time. I can eat more than any of my friends in one sitting and they sit in awe and make jokes at me about me having a black hole or a tape worm inside my stomach. They believe I eat like that three times a day every day. The truth is they only see me eat once every few months and have made this grand assumption. I’ve been counting calories since June and average about 2400/day. I have an active enough lifestyle and workout routine that has always stopped me from getting fat. But none of that really means I have an eating disorder.

Going back to October, my cardio exercises ~~slowed down~~ stopped and I ~~started eating more~~ got careless with eating. I reached my maximum weight of approximately 150lbs about two weeks ago. I saw the number and snapped. I knew I had to change. I went on a 900 kcal/day diet (later found out it’s called a VLCD) and picked back up on my cardio. In two weeks, I am down 13.4lbs (cw 136.6lbs) and hope to be down 25lbs (gw 125lbs). I like the old BMI calculation and that puts me right at the underweight/healthy line at 18.5.

Where did I go wrong? There was an office (holiday?) party on Monday. The email said light refreshments would be provided. I thought okay, I may have some coffee and that’s it. That party did not have light refreshments. It was a full blown buffet with marinated shrimp, spring rolls, prime-rib sliders, sesame teriyaki chicken wings, desserts, deserts, more deserts, **more deserts**. I started just a small plate and I just kept grabbing more and more food. I hated myself every moment. Every new plate I said was going to be my last but I just kept going. Like my body was starved for that energy and my mind kept forcing it to go back.

Like I said, I’ve been a binge eater for a while. But I’ve always had control. This was something different. My diet was going so well and I just threw it all out the window. I left the party and I knew I had to get rid of that food. I’ve never been able to make myself throw up with my finger. I’d gag if I got close. I found a how-to (thanks Google) and went to work. It took a while but I finally managed to make myself throw up about six times total. I got down to the yellow/green bile that I know to be stomach acid. The damage was done, my body absorbed everything else and I’d see that on the scale tomorrow. I washed my hands, drank some water, waited 30 minutes, brushed my teeth and have been back on the diet track since.

I’m not proud of what I’ve done. I’d like to take that whole day back and try again. But that’s not an option. I said I’ve never been able to make myself throw up. Well I got desperate. And now I can. I guess my question now is that I want an opinion. Was this the start of textbook-binge-purge (bulimia) for me? There’s bound to be more holiday parties. Will I fall into a binge-purge cycle at all of them? Everyone already knows I can eat anything and everything. I don’t want to be rude and not eat someone’s food they bring me. But I don’t want to have to excuse myself to throw it up either. I ask here because I don’t have anyone in my life I can talk to about this. This sub seems the most accepting/welcoming for someone in my position. I’ve been lurking since Monday. I feel like I relate here. I’ll post in the food diary tomorrow morning.

---

[Help] Wine drunk and honest
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 112.2 18.18 | 22F]
Created: Thu Dec 8 10:50:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h8c4z/wine_drunk_and_honest/
---
I finally opened up to my bf. He's known forever that I'm insecure and not the healthiest eater ("oops, forgot to eat two meals in a row again haha"), but I got wine drunk last weekend at an office party and he came to pick me up and I guess I ranted to him about how even if I lost weight, i would probably still hate my body... He has been gradually confronting me about it bit by bit.

It is so good to be open, but also so hard. He is trying to be supportive, but last night his version of supportive was to try to convince me that the reason I'm tired all the time is because I'm under eating - so he pulled up a website, calculated my bmi, and my tdee, and I almost lost my head because his app put my bmi at 18 - WHICH IS NOT ACCURATE I'M 18.3 - and I wanted to try different apps, but conversation:

Him: "That's not going to change anything, it'll still be the same formula besides it's a .3 difference"

Me ".3 makes a huge difference! We need to try a couple different apps, not just the first one you google, anyway BMI is BS" (I don't actually believe that, but most people do, so it sometimes works to get someone off my case)

Him: "It really isn't the point anyway, either way you are underweight and need to eat XXX amount of calories per day and then you'll be less tired."

Me: "I don't want to gain any weight though. I like my body exactly where it is."

Him: "But you were just complaining about being tired!"

Me: "SO I'LL DRINK MORE COFFEE BUT I DON'T WANT TO EAT MORE."

Him: "No, look, you just eat exactly XXX amount of calories per day, which puts you at an extra 100 calories every day and a pound per month."

Me: "That's 12 pounds in a year!!!?!"

Him: "So?"

Me: "I just told you I don't want to gain weight!"

Him: "So eat at a 100 calorie surplus for a month and then a 100 calorie deficit the next month!"

Me: "OR I CAN JUST DO WHAT I AM DOING NOW AND STOP COMPLAINING."

I don't know what the point was of writing all this out. I just feel kinda at a loss. I love my bf more than anyone and we're planning to get engaged soon and probably married within the next year and I want to make him happy and not worry about me - but I really can't fathom putting on weight. Maintaining - sure. I guess. If I need to. But I'm convinced that even if I ate exactly at TDEE, I would still gain weight. Because I've been eating at a significant deficit forever and my weight hardly budges.

Idon'tknowidon'tknowidon'tknow.

How do you handle relationships and disordered eating?

---

[Other] She's so full of shit and I'm sick of her
/u/senkinvalehtelija
Created: Thu Dec 8 10:37:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h897u/shes_so_full_of_shit_and_im_sick_of_her/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTMXh_bJWEQ

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Snapchat buddies? [Support]
/u/SoFetchBetch [5'8 F CW:115 GW:105 LW:107 HW:138 WL:24]
Created: Thu Dec 8 09:55:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h801j/snapchat_buddies_support/
---
[removed]

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I feel fat
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 8 09:26:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h7tzv/i_feel_fat/
---
http://i.imgur.com/9X4fnogh.jpg

---

[Goal] I went to the shop and didn't give into temptation at all!!
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Thu Dec 8 08:50:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h7mda/i_went_to_the_shop_and_didnt_give_into_temptation/
---
I should probably wait for the Wednesday thread for this but I'm happy now so.

I had to get some more rice cakes cos I'm running super low on them, and I had an extra couple of quid and I spent about half an hour wandering round the shop being tempted by everything; fudge, chocolate, shortbread, cakes, yoghurt, cheese, bread, the list goes on. I picked so many things up and put them back, sometimes multiple times. In the end I came away with soup (92kcal/serving), rice cakes (27kcal each), cheese biscuits (21kcal each) but I've never tried them so we'll see how that goes, and hot chocolate (38kcal/serving). I'm really proud of myself :) It means that I'll have some safe low calorie foods that I can eat at mealtimes or when I'm feeling bingey, instead of coming away with 1000+ calories that I'll eat as soon as I get home.

Has anyone else overcome temptation today/recently? I'd love to hear about it :)

EDIT: The cheese biscuits are way better than I thought they would be, they're so nice. Also by biscuits, I don't mean the american sense of the word, just to avoid confusion. On the box they're described as wheaten biscuits.

---

[Help] Where the fuck are these two pounds coming from?!?
/u/superfuckingsecret [5'10" | CW 112.4 | 15. 72| GW 105 | non-binary]
Created: Thu Dec 8 08:26:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h7hmt/where_the_fuck_are_these_two_pounds_coming_from/
---
I only weigh myself when I'm at the doctor's, and I go every week. When they weighed me last Thursday I was 112.8, down a pound over Thanksgiving (when I ate like shit for most of the time, definitely more than this week). Today I weigh 114.6. I had one day where I drank and didn't count calories (guessing 1680ish yikes), and three days where I ate around 1300 or 1400 in an effort to keep my sanity during finals. But my TDEE is between 1600 and 1700 and I ate sub 1000 all the other days, so why the fuck have I gained? I always weigh in the morning before food or water and after I pee. I wasn't dehydrated last week. Is this real weight that I need to lose a second time? I was getting so close to my goal and now I'm having a minor freak out.

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[Help] Question about starting birth control after losing period
/u/lmeaac [H: 5'5 | CW: 126 | BMI:21| Gender: F]
Created: Thu Dec 8 07:59:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h7c8g/question_about_starting_birth_control_after/
---
I'm 21 and I lost my period for the first time about 5 years ago. My bulimia was really bad back then and I had gotten down to about 95 pounds and felt terrible, and then after about 2 years I stopped binging and purging and gained back some weight and (slowly but surely) my period returned. These days, my weight is pretty much under control, I weigh about 125 and run 5 or 6 days a week and eat around 1200-1400 calories a day. I was a bit heavier a few months ago, I was in the 130s but I started running longer distances and I dropped back down to 125. Unfortunately, in doing so my period seems to have disappeared again. I've never taken the pill before but I have a gynecologist appointment in a few weeks to get checked out and (most likely) start BC. I'm really anxious about admitting my history with EDs to my gynecologist. Has anyone started the pill after losing their period and if so, did you tell your Dr. everything or what?

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[Discussion] Avoiding the scale to lose weight
/u/angrypython [5'7" | 116 | 18.10]
Created: Thu Dec 8 07:30:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h76z8/avoiding_the_scale_to_lose_weight/
---
When at my LW I weighed myself probably 8+ times day, any time I was near a scale. But the time where I lost weight the most quickly was a five week period where I had no access to a scale. Hell, even during recovery where I gave up weighing myself I lost weight without effort/realising it.

So I'm committing myself to not weighing myself until Christmas. It'll be hard because ultimately I love seeing the numbers, but I need to actually lose more.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? Anyone have advice other than sheer willpower for avoiding the scale when you can't just hide it?


Edit: on mobile, can't seem to figure out how to flair on here

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[Rant/Rave] this subreddit may save me
/u/freakdonut
Created: Thu Dec 8 07:26:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h7693/this_subreddit_may_save_me/
---
thank you so much for your comments on my first post. my boyfriend broke up with me last night and told me he had fallen out of love with me months ago just never said anything. obviously, on top of everything else, i feel worthless, betrayed and alone. everything reminds me of him. he wants to be my friend but all those subtle changes in behavior from being in love to just not caring about me anymore are too fucking painful. i dont know what to do.

i am also concerned that this amount of stress and loss and anger and pain will make my ed worse. last night i cut myself for the first time in seven years. i am so ashamed. my boyfriend was my home and now that sense of stability was pulled out from underneath me. leaving me bruised and bloody and terrified of losing control.

i woke up this morning to those comments on my last post and i felt not so alone. thank you so much .

---

[Thinspo] thinspo
/u/skinnyb0y [5´10 | 139 | 19.44 | -4lbs | male]
Created: Thu Dec 8 05:11:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h6l0n/thinspo/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIlLq4BqGdg

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support December 08, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Dec 8 05:07:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h6kgi/weekly_emotional_support_december_08_2016/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 08, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Dec 8 05:07:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h6kfu/daily_food_diary_december_08_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 08, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] People without EDs are so damn naive sometimes
/u/charredsouls
Created: Thu Dec 8 04:23:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h6ezu/people_without_eds_are_so_damn_naive_sometimes/
---
I was talking to my sister and she said she told my dad she's worried about me losing weight/looking thin lately. Apparently my dad told her "____ (me) eats more than you think." When I'm with my dad I'm usually in b/p mode, so I tried my hardest not to burst out laughing when she told me that thinking ooooooooh damn, is that what people think? Like they see the skinny person eating a shit ton of food so everything is good in the hood??

I'm honestly surprised my dad hasn't noticed anything. I mean, how does he rationalize the fact there are days I literally eat 5000 calories in one meal like it's nothing and continue to lose weight... Is it really possible to be that naive? Oh well. And, on the flip side, there are tons of days where I just won't 'feel' hungry, like it's normal to be skipping meals all the time and being obsessive about food/calories/nutrition. In some ways it's awesome, because I can get away with a lot, but sometimes it makes me sad because I want somebody to notice... just a little bit.

Does anybody else have friends or family who don't notice literally at all even when it's right in front of their faces?

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[Discussion] Are there many people here that are overweight, or who have been previously?
/u/BecomingJessica
Created: Thu Dec 8 04:23:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h6ezi/are_there_many_people_here_that_are_overweight_or/
---
I'm just curious.

I'm obese now; my bmi is 32. My eating spiralled out of control two years ago, but I'm slowly regaining the control that I once had and as of this morning I'm -31lbs... with 89lbs to go til my UGW. I've been aiming for less than 500cal a day and often purging if I go over that.

I hope that my being bigger doesn't mean I'm not welcome here; I find this sub so inspiring!

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[Discussion] Ever do soylent like route? [discussion]
/u/glitter_void [5'8 | no scale :( | FtA | bp monster]
Created: Thu Dec 8 03:28:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h68hf/ever_do_soylent_like_route_discussion/
---
On my "normal" account I'm subbed to a few places like ketochow and soylent, it honestly looks like a viable alternative to eating, and maybe a DIY version could hit nutritional needs without the whole "going over 1000 calories" thing.

has anyone done it? most of the complete nutrition ones are *also* 2200cal which ew.

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[Discussion] DAE feel disgusting when they're touched?
/u/lululights
Created: Wed Dec 7 23:56:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h5jtp/dae_feel_disgusting_when_theyre_touched/
---
No flair because I'm on mobile.


Lately, when cuddling with my SO, he'll wrap his arms around me and his hands will naturally rest on my belly.
I swear, the second contact is made I just FREEZE. My mind races to all of the thoughts he must be having: how squishy I am, how much fat there is, how gross he finds me, etc.

I end up feel really disgusting/worthless/unwanted. It makes me feel guilty because I really don't want to ask him to stop - I love the closeness! But feeling that way is just... depressing.

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[Help] Best indoor cardio/workouts? Easy on knees, please.
/u/spoingeboib
Created: Wed Dec 7 23:18:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h5ehg/best_indoor_cardioworkouts_easy_on_knees_please/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Does anyone want to be friends or rant-buddies?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 7 23:02:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h5c80/does_anyone_want_to_be_friends_or_rantbuddies/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE notice that the less they eat, the less they WANT to eat?
/u/kinaadman [5'1" | SW 210 | CW 110 | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 7 22:56:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h5b84/dae_notice_that_the_less_they_eat_the_less_they/
---
The less I eat, the less I want to binge. Yesterday I ate around 900 calories in total (I would have had less but I went out with the boyfriend) and today so far I have only had about 186 calories and not much of an appetite (it's 1:56 p.m). I've found that the more I eat during the day, the harder it is to stop. Does anyone else feel the same way?

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[Rant/Rave] I am so cold
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [🐷 5'2 | NB-dfab | CW: 163.6lb | 29.9/31.0 | UGW: 90lb | -26.4lb]
Created: Wed Dec 7 22:51:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h5ai8/i_am_so_cold/
---
Not the usual reason, no. That would mean I wasn't a fatass who didn't have 80+ pounds of extra adipose.

I was supposed to fast today. Instead I binged. I know that cold burns calories so I sat on my porch. I bundled up a little but I could still feel cold.

I fell asleep. I could barely feel my fingers when I woke up. I am freaked out and I hate myself because OF COURSE freezing half to death is easier than not being a pig 🙃🙃🙃

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[Rant/Rave] The thinner I get, the fatter I get
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 7 21:52:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h51ir/the_thinner_i_get_the_fatter_i_get/
---
[deleted]

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How big is this container?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 7 21:49:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h50zy/how_big_is_this_container/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Tips for ending a binge cycle?
/u/englace [172cm | 112lbs | 17.0 | -35.4lbs | Female]
Created: Wed Dec 7 21:14:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h4v89/tips_for_ending_a_binge_cycle/
---
First off, hi! I've been hanging around here for a few weeks, but I haven't really posted until now. I have AN restrictive subtype and after a few months of held fasts and very low restriction, I eventually started binging while drunk, woke up, felt awful, got drunk and ate more to cope with the stress, and in the last week or two I've gained over eight pounds following this pattern. I feel completely disgusting, I haven't spent a day sober in weeks, and it's looking like my weight gain isn't going to slow down and I'm just so, so stressed.

Do any of you have any kinds of advice to give for ending binge cycles in general? It feels like there's no way out of this hole, I'd really appreciate anything you guys can share!

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[Rant/Rave] MFP blocked me, saying I have ED
/u/pointmass [5'6" | 106.2 | 17.12 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 7 20:17:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h4l86/mfp_blocked_me_saying_i_have_ed/
---
I finally gave up and set up a new account, but was a bit sad because I logged religiously for over a year and now I can't even go back to see my old entries... :(

I contacted their customer service and they said there's no way to recover my account. I wonder if I wasn't eating enough, or maybe someone reported me?

Anyhow, I'm really careful now with this new account.

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[Intro] A new girl
/u/freakdonut
Created: Wed Dec 7 19:08:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h48k2/a_new_girl/
---
I have been lurking this sub Reddit for a quite some time. I have felt alone and ignored and I am scared and I am suffering and I need help. at the least I need somebody to talk to. it all happened so fast I don't know how it got this bad but I want it to stop... but at the same time I don't want it to stop. I want to be smaller. I feel so disgusting and repulsive and I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I haven't showered in five days neither have i changed my clothes. it is very challenging to do my schoolwork. I just moved to the state a year ago and I have no friends except for my boyfriend who does not know how to talk about serious issues. I wish he did. I am reaching out to you for support and for friendship during this horrible thing I'm going through. if anybody needs to talk about anything I am here for you as well. my name is Zoe. I hope this can become a safe place for me to express my feelings and to talk to all of you and feel not so alone.

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[Help] Does anyone know if MPA was taken down permanently?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 7 18:51:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h45d5/does_anyone_know_if_mpa_was_taken_down_permanently/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Omg I need to get this off my chest :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 7 18:46:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h44ie/omg_i_need_to_get_this_off_my_chest/
---
If you've followed my recent posts, you know I'm up and down and up and down and fighting binges like crazy.

Well I planned to stop smoking weed right? Haven't stopped. I need to throw it away but I keep telling myself "I'll just finish this 8th and be done." I've said that for like 5 eighths now. I'm full of fucking shit and I have a problem with being sober. I don't even like being high anymore....I just DON'T like being sober more. Except I do like sobriety....once I get through the withdrawal. It's just a fucking mess.

I also "got back into" the swing of restriction today and did wonderful all day. I was smiling to myself and feeling strong and empowered on my drive home when I could finally say that I avoided bingeing today (I WANTED TO SO BAD AND HAD SO MANY OPPORTUNITIES BUT I HELD OUT!)........................................until I got home at 8pm and guzzled down 800+ calories of TACO BELL WTF!!! I HAVEN'T HAD FAST FOOD OR TACO BELL IN LITERALLY YEARS AND YEARS. WHAT?

I feel like I'm losing control of everything. I feel chubby, sloppy, ugly (acne from binging), sore (bloated belly, so much water weight plus my face stings constantly from acne). I keep giving in to smoking and then giving in to bingeing because "it's my last few times smoking and food is so good high"....WHAT, NO, THESE ARE ALL BULLSHIT EXCUSES I TELL MY WEAK SELF.

Something has to change. Something has to budge. I had to cover my mirror tonight because I look....unhinged. I'm curled up in bed waiting til my parents go to bed so I can get high and binge on bread because I quit and I can't suppress the bump in my throat of complete and total defeat.

I feel so completely and totally 100% alone.

I'm sorry for inspiring people with my recent posts about "never lose hope". I'm a fucking hypocrite, weakminded fuck up. Where did all my resolve and self will and self esteem go? I'm in shambles. I'm a shell tumbling through life in a daze that occasionally stuffs itself sick. Fuck me.

---

[Help] 1000 cal, losing weight but maintain literally the exact measurements?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | 158 |26.8| -37 | F |]
Created: Wed Dec 7 17:37:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h3ri2/1000_cal_losing_weight_but_maintain_literally_the/
---
[removed]

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[Intro] Back after being gone for a while
/u/ssattub [5'6.5''| 125lbs | 19.88 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 7 17:10:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h3m2v/back_after_being_gone_for_a_while/
---
Just making a post to say hello again.

I've had issues with bulimia since I was 7, anorexia through late middle school and onward. I'm nearly 22 now. I was doing a bit better for a few months recently due to threats of being sent to hospital by my doctor, but having changed doctors since, shit has started to creep back in. I've been purging and restricting lately.

And within the next 60 minutes, I'll have completed my first 24 hour fast in months. Probably going to go for 48 hours before I will let myself eat again!

I'd love to chat with people about their ED quirks and whatnot.

---

[Rant/Rave] "Barf-curious"
/u/whatupmyknitta [5'2'' | too much | 30 | -12lbs| female]
Created: Wed Dec 7 16:44:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h3guy/barfcurious/
---
So, long story less long: recently got out of a 3 year relationship and I'm doing the single thing but hooking up with two guys in particular (don't judge!). One in particular is seriously such an _awesome_ friend and *great* lover, but still totally gets that I'm not ready for another relationship and everything, and he knows about my ED. Well, it's honestly really nice to be able to vent and joke about it without fear of repurcussions.

So, I was joking with him just now about how great he is for bringing binge food and wine, and that I've eaten less than 250 calories all day, and that what he brought is so easy to purge, etc. And he joked that he might as well do it too, and he thinks about it sometimes and stuff. Then he "joked" that he wanted me to "teach" him. [For reference, he is technically overweight, but I literally barely notice it as he "makes up for it" in other ways like skill, trust, empathy, dependability, generosity, understanding, etc)] .

He and I are basically drinking boxed wine right now, watching How To Be Single, and joking about it. Then he expressed interest and I joked that he sounded "bi-curious" about it, and he replies that he's just "Barf-curious".

I feel so _ashamed_ that one of my first thoughts was basically "that would be such an awesome thing to bond over!" instead of just shooting it down as a terribly unhealthy idea. I feel so blessed and yet cursed at the same time.

---

[Discussion] [discussion] stuck at 130 lbs., loss of control, driving me insane >:(
/u/runningboyruns [5'9 | 130lbs | BMI: 19.2 | WEIGHT LOST: unmeasured | FtM (pre T)]
Created: Wed Dec 7 16:39:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h3fyi/discussion_stuck_at_130_lbs_loss_of_control/
---
On mobile, will flair later

Pretty much as the title says. I've always been one to get stuck at 130 lbs for MONTHS and no amount of restricting or exercise seems to push me into the 120s. The more days go by like this the more sick my brain feels. I NEED to loose weight; i must not be restricting enough. But no matter what i do, the weight won't shake off. And it's like the longer i'm stuck at 130, whenever i DO eat it's always a large portion of something carb loaded :(

I feel so curvy, lumpy, squishy.... i would do anything to rid of this extra cushioning. Maybe my meth-head bro has some extra adderals lying around........

Kinda curious to hear if anyone else has this problem and if they get as frustrated as i. What do you do to cope 😩 cos god damn i'm beating myself up like mad

---

[Discussion] [TW: Recovery/Rehab] 12 Steps Program to Stop Binging and Overeating
/u/sp33dyhigh
Created: Wed Dec 7 16:09:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h39ql/tw_recoveryrehab_12_steps_program_to_stop_binging/
---
Hey everyone,

**Food addiction is like drugs or alcohol addiction**

I use to be a drug addict. And before that, I was bulimic. I went to drug rehab and eating disorder rehab.

What I learned when it comes to bulimia, at least, is that *food is an addiction*. And a person with bulimia is the same as a person with a drug or alcohol addiction except that their drug of choice is food.

I've experienced being addicted to crystal meth, cocaine, xanax, percocets, heroin, and food. So I can tell you that the cravings and obsession that I feel towards food is as intense, if not more intense, than that which I feel towards drugs like heroin and meth.

Food addiction is the worst by far (for me). Because it's sort of socially acceptable and you can't abstain from food. It's not like with heroin or coke where I can just avoid it.

**There is hope in the 12 steps**

But I want to tell you guys that if everything is failing for you, and you feel *powerless over your eating disorder*, you should look into 12 step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Overeaters Anonymous or just any 12 step fellowship.

The reason why I suggest this is that I met a girl who had bulimia and later BED and she went from underweight to morbidly obese and then underweight again and morbidly obese. She had to drop out of college and spent years trying to treat her bulimia. But in the end, what did it for her was not therapy or medication, but AA. She went to AA meetings and her sponsor was a drug addict and alcoholic and she went through the 12 steps and now she's free of binging and purging. Today, she is my sponsor and she finally graduated college and became a doctor.

**Basic Texts**

Here is the Alcoholics Anonymous main text: http://2travel.org/Files/AA/BigBook.pdf

Try to read it and replace "alcohol" with "binge eating" or "overeating" and you'll see that it really doesn't matter what you're addicted to.

Also, if AA doesn't work for you, try Narcotics Anonymous. In their 12 steps, they talk about "addictions" (as in "powerless over addictions").

Narcotics Anonymous main text:
http://www.coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf

**Take Action: Go to a meeting!**

I highly suggest going to an AA or NA local meeting. They tell you to say "Hi I'm /u/sp33dyhigh and I'm an addict" but if you can view food as your drug of choice, then it's not very foreign. Many drug addicts also struggle with eating disorders and food addiction, so they'll understand. Also, find a sponsor. A sponsor is a person who you can call/text at any time and will help you go through the 12 steps.

**Find a meeting here**

NA: http://www.naws.org/meetingsearch/
AA: http://www.aa.org/

**Love you all**

Good luck. I really hope this helps someone out there because for my sponsor, at least, AA was what finally helped her overcome bulimia after years of failed inpatient and outpatient programs.

Feel free to PM me if you need help finding a meeting or want to ask me personal questions. I'll also reply to comments in this thread.

---

[Other] I'm not sure if anyone has heard of this artist, but I love her and especially this song of hers, and I wanted to share. It's from the perspective of someone who loves someone with an ED.
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 107.8 | BMI:21 l GW 90| -36.2 l F]
Created: Wed Dec 7 15:58:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h37nn/im_not_sure_if_anyone_has_heard_of_this_artist/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98ZzhmRFL4I

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12 Steps Program to For Binging/Overeating
/u/sp33dyhigh
Created: Wed Dec 7 15:56:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h376x/12_steps_program_to_for_bingingovereating/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] /r/proED appreciation thread; AKA I love all of you even though we've never met <3
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 107.8 | BMI:21 l GW 90| -36.2 l F]
Created: Wed Dec 7 15:44:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h34m4/rproed_appreciation_thread_aka_i_love_all_of_you/
---
I just wanna say thanks so so so much to everyone here in this community, from the bottom of my heart. When I started posting only about 2 months ago I was mourning the "break up" of a best friendship with basically the only person in the world who understood exactly what I was going through in terms of ED stuff.

I may not have that person in my life anymore, but what I found here is so much better and constructive instead of competitive. No matter what anyone is currently struggling with here, I love that everyone has nice words and harm reduction advice. This place has helped me more than 8 years of therapy has, in terms of feeling like I'm not alone/crazy/stupid for feeling the way I do about food and my body. I'm gonna go cry now because I'm feeling a lot at the minute, but I appreciate this space so much. Special thanks to the mods for helping make this such an awesome community. <3 <3 <3

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[Rant/Rave] So frustrated with trying to seek help
/u/MeraxesPestis [5'2" | 216.4 lbs | 39.58 | -73.6 lbs | GQ]
Created: Wed Dec 7 15:25:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h30nk/so_frustrated_with_trying_to_seek_help/
---
It's been like a month since I've been on here because I'm really trying to make a change but it is just not working. After eating less than 1200 calories total in the past 9 days, I broke down today and had a huge panicky ugly-cry. I spent over an hour searching for programs and therapists online but every single site talks about girls and teens and sometimes "young women" and insists that people with anorexia nervosa are underweight.

And I'm just so upset about all this. Adults have eating disorders. Men and trans folk have eating disorders. Fat people have eating disorders, and no, not just binge eating. How am I supposed to seek medical help, like all these sites insist I do, when (at least in my country) I can't even be DIAGNOSED because I'm not YET underweight? It's so so so so backwards. It's like telling someone with cancer, "Uh, sorry, but it's only stage 1 so we can't help you. Come back when you're metastatic."

And I can't even talk to anyone in my life about this, can't even mention it at all even if I don't relate it to my life, because then they'll try and make me eat and I'll stop losing weight and I don't want to.

And I'm so frustrated with my stupid brain right now for being capable of recognizing that I have a serious illness and that I need help and also doing everything possible to avoid getting that help because I don't want to stop being ill.

Basically I'm frustrated with everything ever and y'all are the only people in the world who will understand and I'm super sorry for just spewing angry rants all up in here but damn.

---

[Help] Quotes to put in my anti binge document?
/u/sternums [5'2 | 158 | -4 lbs | F | UGW: 95]
Created: Wed Dec 7 14:52:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h2tkk/quotes_to_put_in_my_anti_binge_document/
---
I've been in a binge streak and i want to make a document I can look at to dissuade me from bingeing. I have tons of pictures but I'd like some quotes/motivational text as well. Any ideas are appreciated!

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[Rant/Rave] DAE spend hours watching "Tasty" food videos?
/u/ooo5936 [5'6" | 128lbs | 20.47 | GW: <114 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Wed Dec 7 14:46:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h2s3s/dae_spend_hours_watching_tasty_food_videos/
---
Although lately they're big on deep-frying things.

I want to make everything and eat it all of it, but I can't/shouldn't/won't.

I think it's great and encouraging people/families to cook more at home rather than going out, but still. Idk how I feel about it.

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[Tip] Dancing is my new favourite thing
/u/abraddon
Created: Wed Dec 7 14:27:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h2o1y/dancing_is_my_new_favourite_thing/
---
(On mobile, can't flair)

Okay so earlier I made a post about binging but hallelujah I am burning those cals hella fast. I've been dancing for 20 minutes and I've burned almost 200 calories!!! This honestly makes me so happy because of I keep this up for 40 more minutes, I'll have burned off everything I ate. Yay!!

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[Rant/Rave] I'm going home, and I'm just overwhelmed by everything
/u/wanderingdorathy
Created: Wed Dec 7 14:02:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h2igx/im_going_home_and_im_just_overwhelmed_by/
---
I've never officially posted before, so I guess this is also as much of an intro as anything.

I'm currently studying abroad, and I have one more semester of undergrad left before graduating in May.

I'm counting down the days until I head home (4) but instead of being excited, I'm just really overwhelmed with the idea of going back to the "real world"

Life here has been so easy. It has been easy to restrict, it has been easy to not binge. (I'm living in a dorm and I don't have a car and I don't trust myself on the local public transportation, so outside of the really bad school food, there is almost no way for me to get food. It's been amazing.)

But I'm going home, and home is not this easy. Home is where the pressure to constantly look like I have everything put together is. At home there are classes, an internship, a job, my family, all these things that need balanced. And there is food... everywhere. Every social event, every drive home from school, in the house that I live in. It's everywhere.

For the past three nights I've dreamt about food, and eating, and restaurants over and over again.

I'm so incredibly anxious. I don't trust myself around food. I already feel shame and guilt and anxiety of the binge I just know is going to happen.


My family is going to want to take me out. I'm living with them again (until at least May). My parents are both teachers, so they'll be home all day during Christmas break, and I don't currently have a job to escape to. Then there is Christmas and holiday food. Then family dinners all through the spring.

I know I don't have a choice, but my inner self is throwing a tantrum and screaming "No, I don't want to!"

And in the end, I just get really sad. I want to think about going home and seeing my family and be all warm and fuzzy inside because of the holidays and be excited about graduation, but instead I just think of the food, and the pressure. And I hate it.

---

[Rant/Rave] I HATE EVERYTHING
/u/capture_the_excite
Created: Wed Dec 7 13:25:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h2a8u/i_hate_everything/
---
So I'm on a pretty high dose of psych meds, and *today*, stupid me forgot that I'd already taken them in the morning so I took them again. I started feeling a bit loopy, dizzy, vomiting, slurred speech, etc. so my husband called poison control. I told him I am absolutely *not* going to the hospital, and poison control said I could wait a while to see what happens so long as I eat a large, substantial meal.

550 calories later and I'm freaking out. Maybe I would have been fine without a bunch of food in my stomach? Won't this undo everything? And it didn't even help, I'm still dizzy and nauseated and... floppy. It wasn't even good! It was heavy, chicken and toast and fatty sauce. Now on top of everything I feel full and miserable. I almost want the nausea to stay so I end up throwing up everything I just ate.

I don't want to go to hospital. :(

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[Rant/Rave] Just when I started seeing results, I'm binging again...
/u/abraddon
Created: Wed Dec 7 12:47:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h21s5/just_when_i_started_seeing_results_im_binging/
---
(On mobile, can't flair)

I'm finally starting to see results, a little bit of hip bones, losing fat off of my stomach, really nice collar bones... The of course I had to start binging on peanut butter. I'm so done with this. I am over 300 cals over budget! I binged on monday too! I'm such a fat ass, I have no self control at all. I can't even motivate myself to work out. This is so hopeless, I'm useless!

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[Discussion] Does anyone use the Lifesum app?
/u/420blazefiend [5'4'' | 119.05 | 19.83 | -22 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 7 12:10:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h1thz/does_anyone_use_the_lifesum_app/
---
It's really nice and you can add friends and I would like to have friends

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[Help] How to definitely stop purging (or: I really want to stop purging, help me please)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 7 12:05:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h1sjk/how_to_definitely_stop_purging_or_i_really_want/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] If you chew food and spit it out, how many calories does it reduce or take or ?
/u/iLikeToBeep
Created: Wed Dec 7 11:43:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h1nla/if_you_chew_food_and_spit_it_out_how_many/
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Like, I know in my head I shouldn't even ask. I plan to just eat a normal amount daily, but just spit it out instead of swallowing.


However, my mind is really curious and wants to know if this will even help much or not.

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[Rant/Rave] Tonsils removed = no food
/u/ffj_ [5'4" | way too much | ridiculous | -15 | F | UGW: 91.4]
Created: Wed Dec 7 11:33:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h1l9v/tonsils_removed_no_food/
---
So the silver lining of this painful, painful predicament is that I won't be able to "properly" eat or stuff my face for at least a month. I think this is great for building up my discipline for food restriction. How can you gorge on pizza if you can barely swallow water?!?! Lol

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[Other] Dumb little comic I made. Obviously not good quality but it's what I've been feeling
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Wed Dec 7 11:01:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h1dz5/dumb_little_comic_i_made_obviously_not_good/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/0039b4a735b748a887a55d338776691f?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=94adcef7a2ccc15783ecaa410a8f1013

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[Rant/Rave] I'm actually fat
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 112.2 18.18 | 22F]
Created: Wed Dec 7 10:56:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h1crk/im_actually_fat/
---
I'm just good at hiding it. When I was fourteen, I learned that skirts would hide my awful, muscly thighs and I measured the exact point that my thighs stopped curving away from my knees and started curving toward each other - and that was exactly how short my shorts were allowed to be. I know how to emphasize my collarbones and my flat stomach and draw all attention away from my hips and butt.

I hide behind modesty. Legging aren't pants! Bikinis are the devil! (Until I am skinny enough to look good in them...) I know how to pair loose sweatpants with a thin, clinging long sleeve or skinny jeans with a flowing top. I know that boots make my legs look longer and neutrals are better than loud colors and flashy patterns are a hell-no.

So, no. When you call me skinny, I don't believe it. You haven't seen me naked. You haven't seen the roll that pops up over my waistband when I stretch to touch my toes. You haven't seen that my butt is an awful shape, actually, which is why I never extenuate it. You haven't seen how flabby my arms get in the top third, because I take care never to wear tanktops or sleeves that are too short. You haven't seen the way my thighs spread like warm butter sticks when I sit down because I hold a pillow on my lap, or rest my purse there, or cross my legs always, or do wall-sits in the car.

You saying I'm skinny means nothing, because I make every effort to maintain that illusion

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[Rant/Rave] Lost 13 pounds and then ate McDonald's for breakfast
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 179.6 lbs | 32.69 | -10 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Dec 7 10:49:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h1ban/lost_13_pounds_and_then_ate_mcdonalds_for/
---
I only had 450 cals but that was my limit today lmaooooo

😁😁😁😁😁

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[Discussion] How many of you use fitness tracker/fitbit like thingies?
/u/daeboo [5ft1/79lbs]
Created: Wed Dec 7 10:05:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h12be/how_many_of_you_use_fitness_trackerfitbit_like/
---
Lately I've been really trying to get the b/p under control, and part of that is more exercise, apparently. So I've been eyeing a bunch of fitness trackers, but sadly I'm a broke student so I can't afford anything fancy.

Those of you with fitbits or the like, how helpful have they been? Any low budget recommendations?

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Sometimes talking is just hard
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 7 08:48:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h0lcn/sometimes_talking_is_just_hard/
---
[removed]

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[Help] telling my best friend
/u/salt_skin [5'4" | CW 134lbs | BMI 23.45 | GW 90 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Dec 7 08:12:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h0dz2/telling_my_best_friend/
---
i got drunk and told her something was going on with me, among other things, because i make brilliant decisions. so now i'm in a position where i may have to tell her, but i'm torn because i know i don't want to stop.

i feel if i tell her, it'd just be placing a burden on her because she's not going to sit by and watch me let it happen. but at the same time, now that she knows something is up, she's going to try and figure it out and knowing her, she will. now i'm just sitting here wondering why i'm such an idiot.

how do i even begin to go about this?

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[Rant/Rave] Gained 6 pounds in 2 days
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | GW:115 | -16 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 7 07:24:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h04wz/gained_6_pounds_in_2_days/
---
And I'm taking it surprisingly well. I'm blaming my period for the HUGE bloat im feeling right now and the Multigrain crackers I had last night. I also drank 1,500 mL of water before I went to sleep at midnight which is also in me. I plan on getting magnesium citrate tonight in order to cleanse myself as I also haven't pooped since last Thursday.

Everything is going to be okay.

---

Me_irl midbinge
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 7 07:17:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5h03ko/me_irl_midbinge/
---
http://i.imgur.com/SlmS61d.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] How can I be 5'6, size 00, and still look fat?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Dec 7 06:05:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gzrjj/rant_how_can_i_be_56_size_00_and_still_look_fat/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] It's only midday and I've already had 1000 calories and nearly 100g protein...
/u/smokesanddietcokes [Everybody's Fool]
Created: Wed Dec 7 05:19:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gzktu/its_only_midday_and_ive_already_had_1000_calories/
---
Wot.

Egg whites, protein powder, PPB, a couple of protein bars.

It was the same last night, I went INSANE on protein foods. Mum's cherry bakewells on the kitchen counter? Nope. Chocolate received as an early Xmas gift? Nope. Sugary granola? Nope. Out of everything I could possible stuff in my face, I'm currently overeating on high protein (not technically binging I guess, I didn't go over my TDEE yesterday and I havn't yet today, and it's still up in the air whether I will). Don't get me wrong, I want those junk foods and am generally ultra hungry, but they're as easy to resist as ever... my stomach only begins to really rumble for anything with protein, and I can't resist.

As I mentioned to some last night, my protein intake has been poop the last few weeks.. yet I've still been lifting, and added an extra running day. I've been increasingly desperate to lose weight so skimping on everything during week days, including protein, which I usually get enough of at least on active days. I've been withdrawing, restricting, not showering or grooming, generally feeling really sad and fat and all that bad stuff. I wonder if my protein obsession last night and today is my body having had enough of my shenanigans the last few weeks and loading me up. I don't know why else this is happening, for these foods. Not even the tastiest foods I could have right now..

I tried to eat something and then pause hoping the 'full' signal would reach my brain, but my stomach kept rumbling driving me to complete distraction until I had moar protein. Thankfully I stopped before going way over my TDEE last night, and thankfully I feel full-ish now and think it's stopped for today too. At least for a few hours... I really hope I can direct myself towards some veggies tonight.

Scary shit though. Going to the gym today so planning to lift heavy af so hopefully the extra protein and cals will be put to good use. I actually want to decrease my muscle mass at this point because I'm getting thicker than I like with it, but at least muscle is preferable to fat.

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday December 07, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Dec 7 05:09:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gzjet/way_to_go_wednesday_december_07_2016/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for December 07, 2016.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 07, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Dec 7 05:09:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gzjee/daily_food_diary_december_07_2016/
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This is a daily food diary thread for December 07, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] What's the weirdest thing you've binged on?
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Wed Dec 7 02:53:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gz337/whats_the_weirdest_thing_youve_binged_on/
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For me it was probably the time I ate an entire box of raw oatmeal with my bare hands :P

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[Discussion] Did anyone else here grow up fat?
/u/Salsa_waffle
Created: Wed Dec 7 00:50:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gypf2/did_anyone_else_here_grow_up_fat/
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I hate thinking about my childhood experience outside of my home, my family was always the fat family. Sometimes there would be a family that was larger than us but it was rare, ugh I hate just typing this out. My dad was the culprit, it's not his fault, it's just he has food issues and has pushed it onto the entire family. He grew up very poor and often would go hungry, after he got married to my mom they both were doing great financially. They had a steady flow of food coming into the house, he started overeating constantly. Then they gave birth to me, and later both of my siblings. My dad would and still does by tons of junk food, I mean we still had vegetables and stuff, but desert was a staple food too. I quickly packed on the pounds along with everyone else, and it was humiliating. I'm so grateful I was homeschooled, I don't think I would of been able to handle school bullies. But I was always the outcast at church, no one wanted to play with the fat girl that always was eating Mc'Donalds. Finally a few years ago I started restricting and lost a bunch of weight, I still have tons of work to do but I'm almost to an average BMI. Both my two younger siblings have started eating healthy and exercising. I'm keeping a close eye on them though, I don't want them developing what I have. The constant restricing then binging cycle. They are losing very quickly and I'm proud, but I can't help but be mad at my dad. He could of stopped this, we could all have normal bodies. Ugh

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[Rant/Rave] "At least you aren't fucked up in the head..."
/u/sullensirensongs [5'6" | 125 | 20.2 | -35 | F]
Created: Wed Dec 7 00:31:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gyn2j/at_least_you_arent_fucked_up_in_the_head/
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Is this really an ED or is this just depression with a form of self-harm? I don’t even know why I want to be thin other than to become so small I will disappear and so will all of my issues. I LOVE restriction because of the control I gain from it in my otherwise chaotic life. But when I really look at my “ED” I feel like it really isn’t an ED. I get that a lot of people feel that way and the only way to really know is to get a diagnosis…which I won’t do. All I know is the last few days have been so shitty I can hardly function. I’m on autopilot. The only thing that seems to be helping pull me out of this horrible funk is a more severe form of restriction. Is it really ED or is it depression and a need for control or is it self-harm and punishment...fuck if I know.

I decided to I need to restrict more after a terrible doctor visit and subsequent fall out with the husband. It seems sensible to me that when the cardiologist tells me that my heart is fucked up and he doesn’t really know what to do at this point because of my other stupid issue. My solution restrict more…why not, it’s easy for me. I’m not fucking hungry anyways and eating is a painful chore. I know logically it is the worst thing to be doing right now but at the same time it is the only thing that is making me feel better. Shitty thing is, my husband (unbeknownst to him) confirmed my fears about his stance on supporting me with this whole ED business by actually telling me, “At least you aren’t fucked up in the head because I couldn’t deal if you were. At least this is all we have to deal with.” I mean in his defense he was attempting to compliment me by saying I am always cheerful and positive and never let this shit get to me. Which is true…on the surface. I never really let it show this shit gets to me which is probably why I am rotting at my core. It’s been 3 days at 300 and I feel so much better than I did at the 600-800 I had been at for the last couple months. Scary thing is I know I can keep it up for a long period because it’s easy for me (I am sorry, not intended to offend just being honest about my condition) but if I lose too much too fast I just may end up in the hospital because of heart failure…or my heart just decides to stop in my sleep. I don’t know if that last part scares me or entices me. I think… I’m just sad right now. I just needed to vent. I’m sorry if this isn’t the place for this kind of post. I don’t know if this kind of post belongs here. I’m starting to think I don’t even belong here in this community…I don’t anything know anymore.

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[Tip] PSA: Simons carries sizes XXS that are actually not huge!
/u/starry_daydreamer [4'11" | 93 lbs | 19.95 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 6 22:05:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gy1xh/psa_simons_carries_sizes_xxs_that_are_actually/
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I've only ever tried their jackets but I have really slight shoulders and the XXS is a little too small so if their sizes are consistent in other areas this could be a game changer for those of you with bmis too low for the usual vanity sizes bullshit :)

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[Rant/Rave] I have a stomach bug and I'm throwing up every 30 minutes.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 6 21:27:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gxvqh/i_have_a_stomach_bug_and_im_throwing_up_every_30/
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[deleted]

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[Other] Good ED Books and/or Thinspo books?
/u/OccasionalJerk [5'5 | 155 | 25.8 | GW: 125 | -6 | 17F]
Created: Tue Dec 6 20:41:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gxnsb/good_ed_books_andor_thinspo_books/
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Sorry if this question g**e**ts asked a lot, I'm kinda new here. But anyway, I was wondering if anyone has read any good books about eating disorders or any books that really **e**ncouraged them to lose weight. I've read a few, but th**e**y were shit and I can't ev**e**n remember their names at this point so I'm looking for som**e**thing, you know, *good.*


Also, this is a bit off-topic, but I do a lot of writing and was thinking about writing a book over an **e**ating disorder, sinc**e** I would know as much about it as anybody. What are y'alls thoughts on that? And if I do, are there any suggestions you want to make toward it(like don't do___ or mak**e** sure you include___ or make sure your main character isn't___)?


Thanks, lov**e**s!

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[Other] If you've ever wanted to purge but haven't, please read this
/u/charredsouls
Created: Tue Dec 6 20:08:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gxhkf/if_youve_ever_wanted_to_purge_but_havent_please/
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Hi there, oftentimes I see posts about wanting to purge for the first time. To start: I 100%, completely understand where you're coming from if you want to. When you binge, it's easy to feel like the world is going to end. Your pants feel tight, your self-esteem is in the gutter, and you feel worthless.

What I don't think anybody realizes, though, is how unbearably awful living as a bulimic can be. Before I started throwing up my food multiple times a week, I thought that I could use purging as an emergency treatment, only when I ate too much. That was true for the first 3 months or so, but it quickly changed. It started to turn into whenever I wanted to treat myself. Had half a cookie? Purge it. A few bites of lasagna? It's gone. Even a healthy salad? Eh, I could do without it because it still had calories.

Now I cannot go one meal without thinking of purging. Even if it's something healthy, like steamed kale, my mind immediately thinks of rejecting the food once it's inside me. If you've considered purging, you probably know all about the negative health aspects. I feel that has been covered sufficiently.

But, what I think most people don't realize is how much it changes the schedule of your life. Now, when I go out to eat, I have to consider the anxiety and restlessness I will experience until I can purge the food. It will linger in your mind non-stop until you do the deed. I have to consider the spots of throw up I have missed that hit the side of the wall near the toilet. I have to justify why I was just in the bathroom for 40 minutes. I have an insatiable appetite because I know any fullness I experience can be remedied.

To be honest, I don't even enjoy food anymore. It's all just another thing to purge. If you read all this and you still decide to purge, know that you are NOT a failure. We are all in this struggle together, and I succumbed to the pressure too. I just want to make sure that I am doing anything I can to prevent someone else from suffering this fate.

If any of you need support or anything of that sort, do not hesitate to PM me <3

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[Tip] White chocolate and purging
/u/chimichanga_mischief [5"4 | 155 | 27.1 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 6 19:52:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gxes7/white_chocolate_and_purging/
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[removed]

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[Help] Kind of a gross question.. [help]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 6 19:41:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gxcpx/kind_of_a_gross_question_help/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Planning my first binge and purge.
/u/SkinnyBoy70 [| 5'3" | 115 | 19.66 | :(+30pounds | FTM Trans |]
Created: Tue Dec 6 18:04:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gwut1/planning_my_first_binge_and_purge/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] i'm such a failure
/u/obesekitten
Created: Tue Dec 6 17:26:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gwnib/im_such_a_failure/
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i'm so fucking fat. over the summer i lost 20 pounds, but since i've been back at school i've gained it all back and probably more. i fucking hate myself. i'm so disgustingly fat and hideous. i wish i had the willpower to stop eating again, but i'm so worthless so i may as well look as disgusting on the outside as i am on the inside. i fucking hate binge eating but i can't stop. i have to fight the urge to cry every time i look in the mirror or take a shower. i fucking hate my body so much. i'm disgusting.

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I can't eat and it's pissing me off
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 6 16:53:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gwgs6/i_cant_eat_and_its_pissing_me_off/
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[deleted]

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[Other] Got bad news and my appetite is gone.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 6 14:56:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gvsef/got_bad_news_and_my_appetite_is_gone/
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[deleted]

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Clean Eating Challenge!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 6 14:50:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gvr49/clean_eating_challenge/
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http://www.clickhole.com/clean-eating#home

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[Discussion] Dealing with limited food options.
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Tue Dec 6 13:11:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gv527/dealing_with_limited_food_options/
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Hey everyone, I realized that some of my recent issues with binging is due to a really boring diet. I have some variety of orthorexia, so my binge foods are things like carrots and hummus and grapes. It sucks because I don't have any snacking foods around, and right now my fridge only has eggs, chicken sausage, chicken, and reduced-carb tortilla in it. The only fruit I can keep around are apples because I was raised in a household where we ate a pound+ of fruit after dinner every day and I love it more than chocolate.

This is becoming a huge problem because I've started eating lots of carbs just to get out of my intensely boring diet. I recently made spaghetti, and although I did think about zoodles, I simply don't have the tools, kitchen space (4-person dorm room), or energy to make that every single day.

I honestly want to just go home and have my mother cook for me. You never realize how amazing it is to have someone cook you relatively healthy meals (She'd always make one protein, one veggie/salad, and one carb, and I'd always skip the carb) when you realize how much effort it takes. It's also really annoying to pay so much money for a dorm room where the stove nor oven work properly, so things like baked salmon are out of question.

I also thought about getting back on my university's meal plan, but last year that just led to me eating a tuna melt every single day and binging on chocolate chip cookies in dining halls. I feel stuck and would love to hear some opinions on food variety and prepping easy/relatively cheap but healthy foods.

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[Rant/Rave] People have begun to treat me different now that my BMI is "healthy" for the first time in about 2 years. Conflicting feelings.
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 107.8 | BMI:21 l GW 90| -36.2 l F]
Created: Tue Dec 6 12:23:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5guui1/people_have_begun_to_treat_me_different_now_that/
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At my highest weight of 144, I had a BMI of 28/29. I fluctuated plus or minus 10 lbs for about 2 years thanks to a binge eating cycle I couldn't pull myself out of. During this time, people were less likely to offer help in public, I'd get some rude stares once in a while, and generally just felt ignored by society. I got no positive male attention. (Not that it matters, I have an amazing SO, not looking for validation in other men).

For example, the door rarely got held for me if I was close behind, If I asked for help finding something, people were more unlikely to want to help, small comments comparing coworkers to me ("oh honey, she's much smaller than you") little things like that. Kind of felt like a ghost for awhile, and it stung. Now I know, I was never hugely overweight, (obese BMI, though) and plenty of people have had it worse than me, but I had never really experienced it first hand until then.

Now that I'm losing the weight, I find people in public more kind in general, offering help with doors and things that are high up in the supermarket (I feel like short girls get this a lot), random men offering to teach me how to pump my own gas??? (wtf) and I've even had some people flirting with me (it makes me a little uncomfortable however). I don't know if I'm projecting my insecurities about my weight with anecdotal evidence, but I really think the correlation is there, and I don't know how to feel about it.

For one thing, I guess it's nice people notice me now and are nicer. But I want to blend into the crowd, I don't want any "special" attention. I didn't like the negative attention either. I don't know where I'm going with this ramble, it's just something I've noticed and I'm trying to wrap my head around how I feel about it.


TLDR; not fat anymore, suddenly everyone treats me a lot better. :/

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[Intro] I believe I used to have BED. Got that under control but now moving the other way. Maybe. Just wanna talk. New here!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 6 11:34:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gujn4/i_believe_i_used_to_have_bed_got_that_under/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] This might sound awful
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 6 11:16:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gufzc/this_might_sound_awful/
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[deleted]

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[Meta/Tip] [meta/tip] For those of you with BED or symptoms of BED, please consider posting to /r/BingeEatingDisorder
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | F]
Created: Tue Dec 6 10:51:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5guaea/metatip_for_those_of_you_with_bed_or_symptoms_of/
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Considering the fact that many of our community members are visiting us via mobile devices, I figured there are a lot of people who have never had the chance to view our sidebar. Towards the bottom of the /r/proED sidebar there is a list of related subreddits which you might also find helpful and supportive (and which I will link at the bottom of this post for your convenience).

One of these subreddits in particular is a growing community for people who struggle with BED and compulsive overeating. Lately I've noticed that here in /r/proED there has been an increase in binge-related rants and vent posts as well as requests for help with post-binge harm reduction, and so I encourage everyone to consider posting/cross-posting this sort of content to /r/BingeEatingDisorder.

In this way we can reduce the number of rants/vents posted to /r/proED overall and simultaneously help revitalize another support community that seemingly caters to many of us here.

Thank you for reading!

*****

#Related Subreddits

For eating disorder support:

* /r/ARFID
* /r/BingeEatingDisorder
* /r/Bulimia
* /r/EatingDisorderHope
* /r/Eatingdisorders
* /r/Eating_disorders
* /r/Fuckeatingdisorders
* /r/transproED
* [PM the mods](http://aa.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) if you would like to be banned (some users seeking recovery finds this helps).

For mental health support:

* /r/Bipolar
* /r/Depression
* /r/MMFB
* /r/PTSD
* /r/raisedbynarcissists
* /r/Selfharm
* /r/StopSelfHarm
* /r/SuicideWatch

For fasting:

* /r/Fasting
* /r/Intermittentfasting
* /r/PSMF

For dieting:

* /r/1200isplenty
* /r/1200isplentyketo
* /r/Caloriecount
* /r/EatCheapAndHealthy
* /r/Fitmeals
* /r/Juicing
* /r/Keto
* /r/Ketorecipes
* /r/Loseit
* /r/Loseit_Classic
* /r/Low_carb
* /r/MealPrepSunday
* /r/Paleo
* /r/Trueloseit
* /r/vegan
* /r/XXketo
*
* For fitness:
* /r/bodyweightfitness
* /r/Fitmeals
* /r/Fitness
* /r/Fitnessvideos
* /r/Flexibility
* /r/Homefitness
* /r/Homegym
* /r/Strongcurves
* /r/Workout
* /r/XXfitness

For inspiration:

* /r/ProAnaMPA
* /r/Ribcage
* /r/skinnyfit
* /r/skinnyfit2
* /r/SkinnyGirls
* /r/thinspo
* /r/thinspocommunity
* /r/truespo
* /r/truethinspo

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Getting sick
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 6 10:40:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gu7zz/getting_sick/
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[removed]

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[Other] I keep having so many dreams about eating
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 6 09:25:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gtrlp/i_keep_having_so_many_dreams_about_eating/
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And then I wake up in a panic wondering if I did. I seriously dreamt I ate 23 potatoes in an assembly line fashion the other night. Hilarious if you think about it after the panic fades.

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[Goal] Today is day 1 of quitting weed and also day 1 of getting 'back on track' after 2 binge days. Never lose hope, seriously.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 6 09:19:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gtqal/today_is_day_1_of_quitting_weed_and_also_day_1_of/
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I'm ready.

The past 2 days were hell. (Disclaimer: I love weed and it's a huge part of my life and I have so many positive things to say about it but at this very point in my life, it has become a tool my ED uses to not feel anything).

All I did was get high, binge eat, come down, cry and feel sick, so get high to ease my stomach ache, get hungry, binge, etc. etc. I got into that mode where I go to several stores and buy binge items. I got into my car this morning and there were donut wrappers/trash all over my car.

My BF quit smoking a few weeks ago to pass a drug test for a job (and I've been wanting to quit for a while now just to prove to myself I can have passion without it). I was so happy and proud of him because he has been smoking since age 15 (we are 24 now) and he lives with a bunch of heavy smokers/dealers. But alas, he is 4 weeks clean and a true fighter.

Well for new years, we are traveling to New Orleans for a music festival/hiking trip/museum tour all in one. We are driving there. I'M SO EXCITED! This will be our second year in a row doing this. However, last year, we smoked weed constantly. And right now, I NEED weed to fall asleep, to stay sane essentially.

So, I'm quitting for him, for this trip. So that we don't have to have weed on us AT ALL. I don't want to have to sneak out at night and smoke a bowl in order to fall asleep while he waits inside for me, probably tempted. That's selfish and unnecessary. I want to go through the worst of the withdrawal NOW so I'm prepared for the trip. I'm using the trip as an incentive because I can't find it within myself to quit solely for me.

I'm so excited though, truly. Without weed, I'm going to plan my meals to a T, not be tempted by munchies, not "smoke instead of eat" and then get too lethargic to function and be irritable.

I want to take this opportunity to plan meals, try cooking new things, get "high" by working out so hard. Self-improvement, clarity, focus.

I will smoke again. I love weed. It brings me a lot of perspective and joy in life. But I need to "re-set" by brain - I'm not using it properly anymore, I'm using it to float above my life untouched.

How are you all?

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[Help] Been up four hours, five hundred calories in
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Dec 6 08:04:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gtapc/been_up_four_hours_five_hundred_calories_in/
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I want to die. I've been binging like all this week and everyone keeps telling me "oh, it's so good you're eating again!" And it's making me sick.

I keep telling myself I'll do better tomorrow and everyday I eat like a pig and then cry. Fuck.

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[Help] How do you deal with dizziness/blacking out/no energy?
/u/CutelilNugget
Created: Tue Dec 6 07:50:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gt83y/how_do_you_deal_with_dizzinessblacking_outno/
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I struggle with this so much. Not eating causes me to be super dizzy, feel insanely tired to where I can function and I black out.

Please give me your tips :(

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[Goal] I'm not sure what just happened but it seems like my christmas is going to be ok!
/u/woollyshirt [172cm | 53kg | 17.76 | -35kg | M]
Created: Tue Dec 6 07:46:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gt78f/im_not_sure_what_just_happened_but_it_seems_like/
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I was speaking to my stepmum about gifts and decorations and family she asked me what I wanted to do about food for our (two) christmas dinners. I've been feeling quite anxious and uncomfortable with christmas and just wanted to get through it without making a fuss or drawing attention to myself at the dinner table. I'd planned to fast around christmas to feel ok about not precisely counting for those two days, because I'd genuinely been expecting that giving up control of cooking/counting would make me cry. This is very much about control for me.

BUT she suggested that I might not like the food on offer and it would be completely cool if I brought my own for both meals! This feels like a dream come true and I feel like I have to double check that that actually just happened. I'm totally ok with eating at christmas (i've been expecting it for months....) but to actually be able to cook for myself feels even better. My plan B of 'be violently sick' goes on hold for yet another holiday!

I tried to downplay how I felt about it and told her that it seemed like a cool idea but I feel so relieved right now. I just need to think about what to actually cook!

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perma-flabby arms :(
/u/m9a1r
Created: Tue Dec 6 05:38:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gslyl/permaflabby_arms/
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[removed]

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A December 06, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Dec 6 05:08:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gshxq/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_december_06_2016/
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Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 06, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Dec 6 05:08:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gshx8/daily_food_diary_december_06_2016/
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This is a daily food diary thread for December 06, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Getting desperate and finding myself leaning towards doing something (even more) stupid.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [Everybody's Fool]
Created: Tue Dec 6 02:56:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gs2bm/getting_desperate_and_finding_myself_leaning/
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Even more stupid that simply trying to starve the fat off, I mean.

For a long time I beat myself up for losing willpower at the weekends and undoing all my 'work'/restriction during the week. I had no idea how I could do really quite well during the week, but it all go to pot at the weekends. I've had a cheat day on Sunday for as long as I can remember, even a planned binge in the past, but it shouldn't be THAT engrained.

Recently I realised... I can never have that kind of willpower around my boyfriend, who consistently visits at the weekends. Besides wanting him to see me eat so he doesn't worry too much, one look at him and I WANT to let myself eat. To be well, for our future, to stop doing silly things to myself. Things feel better. He wants me to eat and loves me no matter what, so I let myself eat. And once I let myself eat, all the hunger/cravings comes rushing, and I overeat even if I mainly stick to healthy stuff.. wiping out much of the deficit I created the days prior.

But despite feeling better around him, that doesn't stop me wanting to be thinner. It doesn't stop me eventually feeling guilty and angry and frustrated that I am not losing the weight I want, after I've 'ruined' it. It doesn't stop me fucking hating myself and how fat I am at the moment.

EC stacks arn't easily available in the UK, they're not legal. Strangely, more dangerous methods of appetite suppression/stimulant are a lot more available online - even ones that are supposed to be illegal too, there are loopholes. I'm so desperate now guys, I am seriously considering just taking the risk - and if it harms me, then it harms me. I just can't bear being this fat anymore. In my mind, the only way I wont overeat around my boyfriend at the weekends is if I don't feel hungry enough TO overeat, whether the crack in my willpower I feel when around my boyfriend breaks it totally or not. If I don't feel that hungry, willpower wont be an issue. Even less if I get a stimulant that can genuinely raise my TDEE somewhat.

I considered the carb and fat blockers to take just at the weekends, legal and available on the store shelves, but I'm not sure I want to be risking those side effects around my SO... the diarrhoea. That said, as gross as it is, it's preferable to risking death from taking something known to cause actually dangerous side effects.. but for some reason I find myself more drawn to ones said to have more dangerous side effects. I suppose in my mind, more dangerous means more effective.

All I know is that I am getting progressively more desperate and self hating at the moment, guys. Very very desperate. I'm withdrawing, my mind consumed with how to lose weight. I feel impossibly, impossibly fat.

It's starting to be that nothing else matters at all.

---

[Help] Retaining water when sick?
/u/scandinaviandreams [6'0" | 131 | 17.93 | F]
Created: Tue Dec 6 02:31:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5grzm7/retaining_water_when_sick/
---
Is it a thing? I have been trying to google about it but get various information. :/ I have a cold and headache, but no fever. (quite the opposite even? 97.5F)

Otherwise I don't understand why I'm so bloated :(

---

[Rant/Rave] Just took semi-nude photos of myself and I want to bawl
/u/charredsouls
Created: Tue Dec 6 02:03:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5grwh7/just_took_seminude_photos_of_myself_and_i_want_to/
---
Long story short: I was talking to this guy and he asked me for more revealing photos. I don't usually send them, but I was feeling good about myself so I went to the mirror, stripped off my clothing, and took some. I clicked the shutter the first time and I thought I had a bad angle. I tried again. And again. And again and again. I rearranged myself to all these different angles so that I would look slim and attractive. Nothing worked.

Now I'm staring at myself seeing every piece of my body I don't like. My hips are too wide. The fat above my hips makes it look even worse. My arms are weirdly skinny and make me look like a box with sticks emerging from it. I know objectively that I am skinny to society (my BMI is hovering just below 19 right now), but this fucking sucks. I even took a photo and at first thought I looked too fragile, but then I moved down to my awful mid-section and realized it was all an illusion.

Anyway, there wasn't really a point to this. I just wanted to rant and get it out of my system. This just motivates me that much more to keep on pushing along with not binging and restricting ...

---

Anemia - SH - intake (TW self harm)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 5 23:57:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5grhw8/anemia_sh_intake_tw_self_harm/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] Currently binging
/u/Artsychic2000 [5'6" | CW: 130 UGW: 120 | 21.0]
Created: Mon Dec 5 23:39:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5grfil/currently_binging/
---
Hey guys, just wondering if anyone else is up right now. I don't know why or how I got here, but I'm laying in bed browsing reddit with a bag of flamin hot cheetohs and cookies, just eating. How did I let this happen and why don't I feel worse about it? I'm am just resigned to the fact that today has become a binge day and there was really no fight involved. I feel like I'm about to gain back all the weight I lost this summer because I'm not strong enough to just go to bed with an empty stomach. Love to chat if anyone else is feeling the same way.

---

[Rant/Rave] Completely shocked and excited when I stepped on the scale today.
/u/frailraven [5'10 | CW 117 | LW 115 | F20]
Created: Mon Dec 5 23:20:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5grcsw/completely_shocked_and_excited_when_i_stepped_on/
---
So two weeks ago I was diagnosed with a staph infection and weighed 113 lbs. My parents kind of freaked and that led me to binge up until today.

I woke up this morning and drank a cup of tea, smoked a cigarette, my usual morning routine.

I was shaking when I stepped on the scale but I was amazed to see that I weigh 116lbs! My lowest weight to date (excluding when I was sick).

---

[Rant/Rave] Sick of this
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 5 22:59:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gr9xe/sick_of_this/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] EC Stack and heightened workout endorphins?
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 112 | 20.4 | -56| GW: 105| 20.48]
Created: Mon Dec 5 22:48:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gr8dr/ec_stack_and_heightened_workout_endorphins/
---
So I know that doing intense cardio is usually not recommended w EC stack but in a fit of self loathing I decided to attempt it anyway. I have never ever experienced the rush of endorphins/ runners high that people often mention from working out, but I found myself feeling almost floaty and euphoric? It was kinda intense but in a good way.
Has anyone else ever experienced this??

---

[Other] Always lose weight around ex
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 5 22:18:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gr3vs/always_lose_weight_around_ex/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I have to stop binging
/u/faebun [5'6 | 125.6lb | 20.35 | -38.8 | NB]
Created: Mon Dec 5 22:12:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gr2un/i_have_to_stop_binging/
---
it's gone to a whole new level. a few days ago i binge ate six slices of pizza, tonight it was nuts and cream cheese and protein powder. usually my binges aren't that big- they upset me but i'm under 2k calories. i calculated pizza night to be upwards of 4k. what am i doing wrong? why can't i control myself? i wasn't even hungry when i binged, it was just an urge that i HAD to act on.

part of it is munchies, duh, but i need to smoke weed to avoid flashbacks. i really wish i had a medical card so i could ask the budtenders what strains work best for PTSD without munchies. but no, my doctor won't prescribe it even though she knows it helps, and i can't go see someone else about it because now my insurance doesn't want to cover me.

i feel like shit. i feel like throwing up. i want this to be over and i want to be able to eat like a normal fucking person.

---

[Rant/Rave] How did I gain weight? HOW?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 5 19:58:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gqfzh/how_did_i_gain_weight_how/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] Can I vent about my relationship for a sec?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 5 19:09:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gq74j/can_i_vent_about_my_relationship_for_a_sec/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else find that eating a healthy "big" breakfast helps them eat better throughout the day?
/u/bo0youwhore [5'4" | Lost: 9lb | CW: 110 | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 5 18:41:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gq1s5/does_anyone_else_find_that_eating_a_healthy_big/
---
I've been doing pretty good at not binging and I've noticed that it started when I began to eat a big bowl of oatmeal in the morning with 1/2 a banana and cinnamon, right when I wake up and even when I'm not hungry. I don't find myself really wanting lunch and I'll usually be okay with a soup for dinner.

Is there something about your diet you are convinced really helps you? I'm interested in what others think.

---

[Help] Optimum Nutrition Fitness Fiber
/u/fiascofiesta [5'7" | 123.4 | 19.26 | 22F]
Created: Mon Dec 5 18:26:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gpz18/optimum_nutrition_fitness_fiber/
---
Has anyone tried this? It's supposedly 10 calories for 5g of fiber, 6 carbs.. but doesn't that math out to 24 calories? I can't find any answers online about how it's only ten calories, does anyone have any insight?

---

[Discussion] DAE pee so much more after a higher calorie day?
/u/scaredalternate [5'5'' | 163 | GW 160 | UGW 120 | -57lbs | M]
Created: Mon Dec 5 18:12:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gpwkx/dae_pee_so_much_more_after_a_higher_calorie_day/
---
I ate less than 500 calories on friday, then saturday and sunday I ate a bit closer to my TDEE, now today on monday I've gone down 4 pounds just by peeing throughout the day. I'm not taking in more water than I usually do, I think maybe I'm losing the water weight from eating this weekend? I've peed like 25 times today...

---

[Discussion] Those of you lucky ducks with thigh gaps, at what BMI did it become apparent?
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 107.8 | BMI:21 l GW 90| -36.2 l F]
Created: Mon Dec 5 18:00:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gpu9r/those_of_you_lucky_ducks_with_thigh_gaps_at_what/
---
I feel like my hips are too narrow for me to achieve one, but hey, maybe my BMI is still too high to tell. *(I can dream, lol)*

Just wondering at about what BMI you could tell that you had one or were getting one. Especially if you're a shortie like me.

Edit: thanks so much for all the answers, guys. Its really interesting to see how height and bone structure plays a part in this! Ive got some more hope now that eventually it might happen for me, (below the underweight mark probably)

---

[Goal] I havent binged in a week!
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 143.8 | 23.30 | -50ish | F]
Created: Mon Dec 5 17:22:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gpn12/i_havent_binged_in_a_week/
---
Typically i will binge two times a week. Usually Monday and Friday. But i didnt binge this monday or friday. I havent done well with restriction, but instead of averaging out to 1900/day after two days of 5000+ and 5 days of much much less, ive averaged out to a little more than 1700. This is huge for me cause i feel like it's a first step, and since i work out, i'd still lose on this. I just want out of the hell that is binging

---

[Discussion] DAE have a weird obsession with numbers?
/u/Im_A_Whale_AMA [5'3.5" | 115.8 | 20.6 | ugw: a coffin | just restarted | nb]
Created: Mon Dec 5 16:58:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gpia0/dae_have_a_weird_obsession_with_numbers/
---
(dae = does anyone else, by the way)

so, my goal weight used to be 80, but i changed it to 79 because i just hate even numbers as weight for some reason.

and i really hate ending my day with a calorie goal ending in -0, because for some reason it feels like i rounded up or down or it's just not _exact._

are any of you guys like that, and if so, would you share your habits?

---

[Help] Can someone please explain Argus?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 5 16:40:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gpert/can_someone_please_explain_argus/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I've stopped associating hunger with the need/desire to eat and for some reason it's making me anxious af :/
/u/zingerthrow [61" | 126 | 24.8 | -40lb | F]
Created: Mon Dec 5 16:34:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gpdih/ive_stopped_associating_hunger_with_the/
---
I should be happy right? But I feel restless. You know that feeling like you wanna get up and do something but nothing seems appealing enough so you're sitting restlessly with the desire to do *something* but you're unable to and so you're in this weird limbo? That's how I feel with eating.

I'm starving. My stomach hurts from hunger pangs, and I know eating would settle it down but I just can't. It's not even because I'm thinking "blah food weight gain" it's just.. my brain shut off that human instinct for nourishment :/

I don't know why I feel meh about this. I mean I'm happy I'll probably lose a lot of weight this week, but idk.. it's just frustrating. I feel selfish for complaining about this because it's every girl's dream - to lose weight effortlessly because you have no desire to eat. People make drugs for this mindset (appetite suppression). Yet here I am. Maybe I just need to go out and do something to distract my anxiety.

---

[Other] Spongebob and eating disoders. (funny but sad lol)
/u/spoingeboib
Created: Mon Dec 5 16:15:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gp9se/spongebob_and_eating_disoders_funny_but_sad_lol/
---
Cant flair, mobile.

When you watch an old re-run of spongebob from 2001 while bingeing before purging, and you relate every moment of the episode to EDs.

First, Spongebob's bitch-ass keeps trying to convince and push Squidward to "just try a bite!" of a mother-fuckin scrumdiddly-umptious Krabbu Patty, and Squidward keeps saying "no" but Spongebob doesn't let go until finally Squidward takes a bite.

It causes Squidward to spiral into a binge eating disorder where he has to be super secretive and is embarrassed to admit his obsession to gorge on them. (yes I know it's mainly just because he didn't want Spongebob to be proven right about the taste being irresistable, but still). Squidward even PULLS the food out literally from the TRASH, which many ED people admit to doing at some point.

Squiddy is so secretive then finally Spongey rubs it in his face lightly, smirking.. Pushing Squiddy to admit his uncontrollable urge to binge then his thigh quite literally blow up from how large and fat-filled they are)

I was just like.. angry as hell at Spongey being pushy, reminds me of irl friends and fam; and all this as I'm bingeing.

.... Anyway, I'm going to go purge then get a nap... lol

---

[Rant/Rave] I guess I'm lucky that I have no gag reflex?
/u/pointmass [5'6" | 106.2 | 17.12 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 5 16:06:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gp7zg/i_guess_im_lucky_that_i_have_no_gag_reflex/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Just feel like ranting cause I can here
/u/skinnywishes11 [5'6 | 120 | 19.4 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 5 15:36:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gp1j1/just_feel_like_ranting_cause_i_can_here/
---
I have a few normal-to-overweight friends. Nothing too crazy, but definitely not thin. These people are ALWAYS trying to diet. Like, weight watchers or south beach or whatever. They'll do cleanses, or be vegan for a week, or cut carbs, whatever. But they always end up cheating or giving up after a few days.

Sometimes, I'll get comments like, "how are you so thin?!" or "you're so lucky that you don't have to worry." Sometimes I want to scream at them "JUST STOP EATING OR JUST GO PUKE IT UP IT'S NOT THAT HARD!" and then I'm like, angry at myself for judging their own insecurities and also making light of eating disorders, even though I have one.
Idk, I know it's insensitive but it's just frustrating to me.

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate feeling so lumpy :(
/u/fiascofiesta [5'7" | 123.4 | 19.26 | 22F]
Created: Mon Dec 5 15:03:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gouo1/i_hate_feeling_so_lumpy/
---
I weighed in 120.8 today, which is a 0.6 gain from last week, but TMI, I haven't had a BM in 5 days and I'm a little dehydrated according to my scale so I think I'm actually less than that? I was feeling kinda cute because my boobs have definitely shrunk a bit and my hip bones are peeping out so I took my first progress pic for MFP and compared it to one from ~7 months ago... and even though I'm smaller I'm so much LUMPIER. And it isn't bones, that would be different. It's like my fat distribution is just completely out of whack, and I know you can't really "target" fat burn so I just feel gross. The only thing I can think to do is work out my core more so maybe it isn't so noticeable with muscle gain... and drink some strong senna tea to help with my belly bubble. Sigh.

---

[Thinspo] AE low key excited about the Victoria's Secret fashion show tonight?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | 158 |26.8| -37 | F |]
Created: Mon Dec 5 14:29:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gon6l/ae_low_key_excited_about_the_victorias_secret/
---
Im not a huge fan of VS but its awesome Thimpson basically. I used to watch the show while I worked out. If they can work that hard, I don't have an excuse.

---

[Help] My scale broke and I'm freaking out.
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 5 14:20:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5goldz/my_scale_broke_and_im_freaking_out/
---
I've had two whiskeys today because I binged really really really bad and ate a lot of unsafe food yesterday :/ but my scale is saying I went from 98 to 104 then to 107 then back to 102 every fucking time I step on it and now I'm just losing it. I have to buy another one even though I'm broke because I will be a mess without my scale. What's a reliable and awesome and cheap one yall use? I wish I could afford aria!!!

---

[Other] Disturbing interaction with someone at my sister's gymnastics class
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 5 13:37:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5goc1a/disturbing_interaction_with_someone_at_my_sisters/
---
This isn't about me, But it really worries me.

I took my sister to her class today, It's made up of 3-5 year olds. Someone who had a kid in the class starts randomly talking about how fat her daughter is. She isn't overweight or anything just a bit extras probably because she's growing. But she kept going on and on about how she wishes her child was super skinny to the point of seeing her bones(!) and why was she cursed with a 'fat' child. I couldn't believe this, Even talked about putting her on a diet even though the doctor said it wouldn't be a good idea.

I feel super sensitive because of my own issues with being a chubby kid, I feel really sorry for this little girl. My mother never wanted me to look emaciated atleast. I really hope she doesn't end up with our issues :/

---

[Thinspo] I saw Kelly Clarkson on the today show and didn't recognize her because she gained weight.. the difference in the two(esp in the face) is my new thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 5 13:34:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gobc3/i_saw_kelly_clarkson_on_the_today_show_and_didnt/
---
https://i.redd.it/dvuci4sv6t1y.jpg

---

[Other] Binge - a dark comedy about a girl with bulimia, hilarious and way too real
/u/cinamintoast [5'7" | 171 | 26.69 | -99lb | F]
Created: Mon Dec 5 12:08:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gns39/binge_a_dark_comedy_about_a_girl_with_bulimia/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aN9syJfWp8U

---

[Help] Scale help???
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 179.6 lbs | 32.69 | -10 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Dec 5 11:56:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gnpce/scale_help/
---
Hi all, I need some advice having to do with my scale. If you need the type of make or whatever for it I'll post that down in the comments but I'm not home right now to check. So basically, what happens is that I will weigh myself once and it will come up with X number, but when I step off of the scale, the letter 'C' pops up on the scale and then it zeroes out, in which I'll step on it again. I'm consistently 3 to 4 pounds lighter than I was the first time I was weighed. What is this? Is it some type of mode that I don't know about with the scale? It didn't come with any type of booklet or anything to figure out what that meant so I'm just not sure. And a 3-5 lb difference is a big deal obviously. Anyway, any answers would be appreciated!!

---

[Help] Starting a New Journal Today
/u/heartbrokenandok [5'7"-ish | 189 | 29-ish | -32.8| F]
Created: Mon Dec 5 11:27:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gnj3j/starting_a_new_journal_today/
---
I picked up a new journal and am starting it today! I want to compile the info from all my different apps and stuff in one place so I can compare than and maybe log them all in a spread sheet at the end of each week for a weekly total/average (and yes, I know this only works if I actually force myself to do it and not hide on days I've been bad.)

So far I'm thinking of logging the calories burned total from my fitbit, the calories consumed total from my diet app, and maybe my daily weight (although I'm currently too afraid to weigh myself. Fucking thanksgiving)... And that's where I run out of ideas.

Anyone out there got suggestions for what else I should/could be tracking?

Thanks! <3

---

[Help] Lethargy & low maintenance
/u/allieee212 [5'1" | 85.6 lb | 16.97 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 5 11:14:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gng6p/lethargy_low_maintenance/
---
Hi guys x_X I'm wondering what I can do about this and whether you guys can help me.

I can get 5-6 hours of sleep on some days and 7-8 on more relaxed days and I feel so tired it's pathetic. I fall asleep in class a lot and I feel like I didn't use to be this tired. Lots of my friends are okay on 5-6 and I'm not; even when I have more sleep I feel drained. I started feeling more tired after restricting after my relapse to a 1000 Calorie limit :/ DAE feel more tired restricting; sometimes I just want to collapse physically when I have time and I can't even find the energy to sit up straight.

Sadly aside from that I'm not even losing much at 1000... I am stuck at 85-85.3 now (didn't change flair) from a 87 at the beginning of the month. and that's with exercise, fuck me. I'm absolutely sure I'm counting correctly and I count everything that's passing my mouth even if it's c/s (which I stopped doing)... is this also normal?

ETA: I do take a multivitamin. I do a 40%/30%/30% split of carb/protein/fat.

---

[Rant/Rave] Why am I such a gigantic, ungrateful asshole?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 5 09:56:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gmyrn/why_am_i_such_a_gigantic_ungrateful_asshole/
---
My boyfriend loves me.

He thinks I'm beautiful.

He thinks I'm the perfect size.

He thinks I'm hot and he misses seeing me naked.

I am so lucky that I have a boyfriend who unwaveringly loves me and thinks I look great.

BUT I HATE IT.

He always wants to hold my stomach or my boobs and it makes me want to die. His love increases my self-loathing so much.

He "loves my tummy" and he always wants to kiss it and shit, and it's fucking weird and I fucking hate it.

Any time he touches me I wish I could crawl into a hole and die.

His touch just makes me sick, not because of him, I love him, but because of me.

He'll grab my arm to pull me somewhere, and his hand pinches the fat, and he'll smack my ass and my love-handles will jiggle too, it's awful. I fucking hate it.

I fucking hate being touched.

I can't understand how he could love me the way I am, how he could want to see me naked the way I am, how he could want to touch me the way I am.

I know I'm lucky, I know I should be grateful.

But I'm bitter, I'm gross, I'm fat, and I'm ungrateful.

---

[Help] I want to try Vyvanse, but I'm afraid of looking like a drug-seeker
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 5 09:32:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gmtww/i_want_to_try_vyvanse_but_im_afraid_of_looking/
---
I've posted here a lot before.

This is a new account as I'm in "recovery" and my boyfriend knows my real account. (That actually started as an ED throwaway).

I'm back off the recovery wagon. That wagon has about 15 pounds of weight gain on it, and that's stressing me the fuck out.

Basically I don't want to descend into this again, no matter how much I love this community.

I want to try Vyvanse, because my finals are like a week away and I can't study because I'm so obsessed with food and my weight and my relationship is suffering so much because of my feelings about my weight and about my binge eating.

I'm at university, so I just have to see some random doctor, I don't have a regular one. So it's not like I have a doctor that knows me and trusts that I'm not an addict.

How do I even approach wanting Vyvanse without looking like I just want amphetamines?

Talk therapy doesn't help me with my eating problems and I just want to be able to function normally again. I really just want to get my binge eating under control.

Any advice? Or experiences on Vyvanse?

I love you all and I feel like I'm home again posting here, even though I know I shouldn't.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm a horrible purger.
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: 100 | -35 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 5 09:32:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gmtty/im_a_horrible_purger/
---
I stopped purging for my health. Sorry, that's just a load of bull. I stopped because I never get more up than 10% of what I ate. There's no point wasting my damn time making myself awful if it won't do any damn thing.

---

[Goal] Finally Burned my Bulimia Journal
/u/rukittenmerightnow
Created: Mon Dec 5 08:18:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gmf6d/finally_burned_my_bulimia_journal/
---
I was so sick of binging, purging, feeling exhausted 24/7 and being unhappy for so long. I told myself that I wasn't going to do that anymore, so I set a date on the calendar, and after that, no more purging. It has been since Thanksgiving, and I'm really happy to say that I think I'm out of that cycle. Thanks to you guys for always being so helpful and encouraging along my times of struggle. Last night I burned my journal with all the ED tracking in it and bonespo drawings, and honestly it felt really good.

---

[Goal] YES! Finally past my plateau and back in the 120s!!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 5 08:17:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gmey0/yes_finally_past_my_plateau_and_back_in_the_120s/
---
I finally got my binging under control, Drank lots of water and broke down and took laxative(I hate to, But sometimes you have to) and this morning I was 128.9-129.0(Got two readings for some reason?) I'm so excited after being 130-ish for nearly a month!! Only 5 more and I'll be at my lowest weight again

---

[Rant/Rave] Is anyone else unbelievably disgusting?
/u/txla107 [5'5" | CW:133 lb GW:115 | 21.8 | +10 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 5 06:31:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5glwga/is_anyone_else_unbelievably_disgusting/
---
Family friend brought by pie. I kept taking little bites of it. I then left to drive about an hour but couldn't deal with how bloated and full I felt so I threw up in a plastic bag. I drove for an hour with a bag of vomit in my car. So that's a new low.

Thanks for listening and commiserating.

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! December 05, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Dec 5 05:13:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gllcn/weekly_stats_update_december_05_2016/
---
This is the weekly status thread for December 05, 2016.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome. Previous updates are archived [here.](http://www.reddit.com/r/proED/wiki/archives)

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 05, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Dec 5 05:13:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gllc4/daily_food_diary_december_05_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 05, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] I honestly can't stand my housemate
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Dec 5 04:14:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gle1y/i_honestly_cant_stand_my_housemate/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] F*ck me.. I messed up.
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Mon Dec 5 04:08:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gldd1/fck_me_i_messed_up/
---
I recently got super drunk because I didn't eat all day and drank a few glasses of wine so my family has spent the last month thinking I am an alcoholic.....

I ended up getting super frustrated last night and finally caving and admitting to not eating as much as I should. (I should mention here that I have spent many years in treatment previously.) So --- now I have my family on MY F*CKING BACK about eating and it is horrible because it is holiday season and so many events are with my family.

Any advice? Anyone deal with this before? Did I just majorly screw myself over? I don't want/have the time to go to treatment again....

---

[Discussion] [Discussion] Eating (or not) while high?
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW 160 lbs | GW 150 | UGW 125 | 19f]
Created: Mon Dec 5 00:32:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gkojq/discussion_eating_or_not_while_high/
---
Are you guys able to fast while you're high? What kinds of foods do you eat while stoned? How do you prevent disasters from happening?

Getting high used to ruin my regimen because I would just eat piles and piles of junk, and holy shit did that ever suck. After a while I became somewhat able to stick to better things like berries or watermelon, but only if I prepared them before I smoked. So I'm really happy that I was able to consciously choose to make something healthy *after* I smoked today. Currently stoned af and munching steamed broccoli with a teeny bit of hoisin and sriracha which I made five minutes ago!

What foods/drinks/tips/tricks do you guys use when making munchies foods? Or, even better, how do you manage to sidestep munchies altogether? Would love to hear other peoples' POVs

---

[Discussion] Been out of the loop for a bit. What the fuck happened to MPA?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 4 23:57:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gkjxz/been_out_of_the_loop_for_a_bit_what_the_fuck/
---
http://i.imgur.com/vNvaTrG.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] Talking to my ex about ED [rant]
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Sun Dec 4 23:06:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gkcz4/talking_to_my_ex_about_ed_rant/
---
since he is the only one who knows about it. From like, 7 years ago. I know he understands but we aren't emotionally involved anymore and he lives far away. I feel like he thinks I'm asking for attention by bringing my problems to him. But I'm not... it's just easier to chat about it with someone who already knows I have issues vs telling my current BF that I have an ED (surprise!) and trying to communicate.

I shouldn't even be taking to my ex anyway. Wtf am I even doing?!

---

How much weight loss is welter weight or feces weight?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 4 21:55:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gk280/how_much_weight_loss_is_welter_weight_or_feces/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] Freaking out that the year is already almost over...
/u/diet247x [5'3 | CW: 139 | -16 lbs | GW: 90 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Dec 4 19:50:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gjhmj/freaking_out_that_the_year_is_already_almost_over/
---
I had this goal in my mind of being under 130 lbs by the end of December, but that means I have to be 10 lbs lighter than I am currently... And it just feels so unreachable to me right now.

Did anyone else have a big goal to reach this year? And how close did you get to reaching it?

---

[Rant/Rave] Shitty day= more motivation for my fast.
/u/salamanderqueen [5'9.5"| CW: 139.6 | SW: 180 | GW: 125 | -40 | F]
Created: Sun Dec 4 19:44:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gjgm9/shitty_day_more_motivation_for_my_fast/
---
Set up the Christmas tree at my dad's house, and for some reason everyone was in a bad mood. Ruined what should have been a happy festive occasion.

My dad is having major surgery tomorrow and all of us are freaking out about it.

My boyfriend told me, out of the blue, that he was coming over tonight because he missed me. Then cancelled a half hour before he was supposed to be here, after I'd showered and gotten dressed up. This is the 8th or 9th time that he's pulled this shit on me.

I used to use shitty days as an excuse to binge, and now I'm using it as motivation to keep chasing my goals. Silver lining I guess?

---

[Rant/Rave] What even is the point of living?
/u/wearebulletproof [5'4 | fat | 20F🎀✨]
Created: Sun Dec 4 19:16:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gjbvl/what_even_is_the_point_of_living/
---
No flair because I'm on mobile. I'm unsure of what to flair this as anyway.

But honestly. What's the point? We're put on this Earth against our will, most of us with at least a bit of baggage before we're even born (family issues, disabilities, etc). And then when we're born, we're expected to just do and say the right things to please everybody else all the time. It's just a constant battle and for what? So we can just die and eventually be forgotten?

I just don't have a purpose, other than starving myself and still being fat. Or binging and then getting even fatter. Nothing will ever be good enough for me or for anyone. So why continue to try?

---

[Rant/Rave] I want a sense of certainty.
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 112 | 20.4 | -56| GW: 105| 20.48]
Created: Sun Dec 4 19:11:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gjaxn/i_want_a_sense_of_certainty/
---
Does anybody else feel like their goal weight is so low not just because they want to be thin, but they want to be UNDENIABLY thin? Like I don't want there to be a question or a matter of opinion.

For example, in the last day I have been called both 'emaciated' (which was dramatic and untrue, even though I do think I have broken into the teens finally!!) and also 'pretty thin but still curvy'.
It was pretty upsetting. I don't want to be curvy. I do not do all this to be CURVY. And I know it was well meaning but it still really really bothered me.

I feel like when I get to my goal weight, no-one will be able to deny that I am thin and that's the kind of certainty I want.

/end rant lol

---

[Rant/Rave] This is ew but does it happen to yall?
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sun Dec 4 18:35:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gj4p2/this_is_ew_but_does_it_happen_to_yall/
---
I always accidentally pee a bit when I purge wtf

---

[Other] Hi. I'm back.
/u/thegray_son
Created: Sun Dec 4 18:24:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gj2rn/hi_im_back/
---
Not that anyone would remember me - I barely ever post here, I mostly just lurk. What I'll say about this sub despite what people say is that as male I've found more support here than anywhere else and that's why I like coming here. You guys don't judge when someone is relapsing and you don't judge when someone wants out and I love you all to death for it.

I was doing fantastic, I really was. I was on a ketogenic diet and was at the gym 5 days a week, losing weight the right way, slow and healthy. I lost thirty pounds.

Then one night I had a brownie and a switch flipped, just like that. Suddenly I'm ordering pizzas, eating them by myself, and throwing them up. I'm getting Starbucks and Chic-fil-a on the way to work and throwing it up before I even get to my desk. Friday I took a handful of laxatives for the first time in months and spent the weekend in agony. Yesterday I went out and bought Bronkaid for the first time in a year and I'm planning to fast for the next two days.

I don't want this. I want to rewind two months and he exercising and eating healthy. I want to be a happy healthy dad and play with my baby boy and hug my wife without thinking that she's disgusted by my love handles.

This always happens this time of year, but at least I'm better now than I was last Christmas. This time last year I was fresh off a suicide attempt. Was discharged from the psych ward on December 1st.

So for now I'm here, for better or for worse. I love you all so much.

---

i just got my first period since june today.
/u/kennedyconnolly [5'9| 120 | 17.4]
Created: Sun Dec 4 18:19:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gj1uz/i_just_got_my_first_period_since_june_today/
---
[removed]

---

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Tfw you wish you could brain damage yourself just right
/u/apricaught [5'3.5"| CW 118 | 20.70| -16| F]
Created: Sun Dec 4 18:19:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gj1tn/tfw_you_wish_you_could_brain_damage_yourself_just/
---
https://i.redd.it/zfuf8pumgn1y.png

---

[Rant/Rave] sunday nights with TWD
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 4 18:12:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gj0ja/sunday_nights_with_twd/
---
every sunday night my folks and i sit down in the living room to watch the the walking dead. but that's not the problem. the food is.
usually none of us eat in the same room and i cook for myself, but on sundays my folks like to cook a big meal.
and, of course, with all this tasty food i wind up binging.
and it's not like this week has been shitty enough with the fact i've already binged twice this weekend and now it's sunday and this shit is going on.
and i don't exactly plan to just wander off to my room during this considering my folks aren't the most sane people i know.

well, food is ready, time to have a panic attack,,

---

[Intro] New here
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 4 17:51:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5giwlm/new_here/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] Help! 😔
/u/seron_x
Created: Sun Dec 4 16:11:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gie16/help/
---
For a while now I've been eating about an average of 400 Calories, and today I weighed myself and I put on 2 kilos ( 4.4 lb ) since I started :/ and I've been walking everyday. 5,000 steps

Could some one please explain to me what this is 😔

( don't know how to flair sorry )

---

[Rant/Rave] Terrified I'm gonna gain all the weight I've lost back.
/u/TiredOfBeingFat_ [6'0"| CW251 |BMI34 | 22lost | GW130]
Created: Sun Dec 4 15:57:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gibb2/terrified_im_gonna_gain_all_the_weight_ive_lost/
---
I've already ballooned back up quite a few pounds... I was 237 like two weeks ago, and now I'm reading at like 244... But I'm on a horrendous period so I know I can account a couple of pounds for water weight. I've been binging so much though... I'm so sick of it... And I'm so scared I'm gonna gain back all of the 30 pounds I've lost... I only have forty pounds left before I'm at where I want to be... Why can't I just do this right? I know binging makes me feel like shit yet I just can't keep from doing it...

I know one reason I binge is smoking weed... But that's only when I smoke and I'm stuck inside. If I can go out and about I'm fine and won't even think about being hungry. I would just quit smoking all together but my back just hurts too bad due to my scoliosis and my spondilolothesis(probably spelt that wrong)

I hate myself so much and I've been tempted to start purging again... But my mom threatened me with inpatient if I started doing serious ED related behaviors after the first time she found out I was purging. Although she never said anything about my binging... But at least I can get away with fasting for a day or two. I showed her the health benefits that can come from water fasting and the fact that it helps my IBS since it tends to reset my bowels. So she's cool with that.

I binged this morning, and I still feel sick... But I'm not hungry now because of my meds, although I'll have to eat dinner since I'm stuck at my dads. We're having hamburgers, so I might just end up eating a patty by itself with some ketchup.

After that. I'm fasting for however long I can handle it. (I know I can at least make it three days before I have to eat or I can't function) It all had to end tomorrow. I'm tired of making excuses for stuffing my face. It's making me suffer more than hunger pains ever will...

Sorry for the long vent. I haven't been able to get ahold of the one friend I can talk to about this stuff.

---

[Rant/Rave] Does this happen to any of you guys? A rant
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 4 15:49:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gi9t1/does_this_happen_to_any_of_you_guys_a_rant/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Dying young makes more sense
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 4 15:20:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gi48l/dying_young_makes_more_sense/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Share your "safe" foods versus "binge" foods
/u/zingerthrow [61" | 126 | 24.8 | -40lb | F]
Created: Sun Dec 4 14:44:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ghwwf/share_your_safe_foods_versus_binge_foods/
---
I remember years ago, there was a trend of YouTube videos from the ED community sharing safe foods vs binge foods and I LOVED watching them. Sometimes I'd watch the same videos over and over. I don't know why. It's just so fun and interesting! Will you guys indulge me? :) It'll help me stay away from food ironically enough hah.

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[Discussion] Favourite/most delicious/satisfying low calorie meals?? (On phone - no flair)
/u/Cosmoflower [168cm | 152lbs| 24.43 | 19lbs | F]
Created: Sun Dec 4 14:34:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ghuzv/favouritemost_delicioussatisfying_low_calorie/
---
Hi everyone!

Just thought it would be nice to discuss what everyone's favourite low cal meals to put together are that keep them getting through their day!

I love cooking and recently have become a bit tired of my salad salad soup salad soup salad salad soup safety routine at the moment and want to be able to explore a bit more without feeling daunted by the Unknown, so thought you guys might have some great ideas.

Vegetarian preferred, but anything new will do!
🌞

---

[Help] eat at or above maintenance yet I'm somehow still losing, what gives? [help]
/u/cinamintoast [5'7" | 171 | 26.69 | -99lb | F]
Created: Sun Dec 4 14:18:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ghrsj/eat_at_or_above_maintenance_yet_im_somehow_still/
---
I have been sick for the last week, so I have been eating more because I hate being sick more than I hate being fat and I'd rather give up restriction and make sure my body has the nutrients it needs to fight off this infection. I haven't been strictly counting calories to avoid giving myself too much anxiety over how much I've been eating but it's approximately around my maintenance TDEE, some days a bit above. Yet I've still been losing, not a lot, maybe a couple ounces a day, but I would expect the scale to go up if anything due to water weight from all the salty foods I've been eating. How is this possible? Does your body use more energy to fight off infections or something?

---

[Rant/Rave] dating with an ED is so hard
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 4 13:40:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ghk7w/dating_with_an_ed_is_so_hard/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Partially opened relationship, now I want to restrict more
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 4 13:29:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ghhwk/partially_opened_relationship_now_i_want_to/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] What are your hobbies or interest outside of this?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 4 12:46:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gh942/what_are_your_hobbies_or_interest_outside_of_this/
---
Just to share a sense of camaraderie :). i know many of us enjoy cooking and weightloss but besides that

I'm into a lot of creative things like sewing, Quilting, Crocheting. But I also love history, researching all sorts of topics and telling people ABOUT those things I learn. I'm looking into going to college for Journalism for that exact reason.

Currently I'm trying to finish up Christmas presents. Got to make pot holders for the people who like cooking, A dress for my wee 5 year old sister , A pokemon for a friend. I also have a blanket I've been working on for months now.

---

[Rant/Rave] Why am i like this
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 4 12:40:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gh7zi/why_am_i_like_this/
---
Ok this post is long over due but now i really need to get this off my chest.
I feel so guilty and stupid for losing weight. i'm already healthy and thin and people tell me i have a perfect body. i feel like if i let go, i'll gain so much weight. i haven't stopped counting calories since 2012.

and lately, i can't say no to drugs. alcohol, caffeine, bronkaid, weed and coke (my vice). i'm on prozac too which is hard on the liver so if i drink i'm not only hindering my progress in my depression but also fucking myself over. i'm more of an orthorexic type so ruining my health makes me feel so anxious and guilty.

i just want 100% control over everything, why am i so impulsive lately? everyone knows me as a strong, got-her-shit-together girl. when i'm feeling ok ill admit i am smart and beautiful. and i love my job as a stripper, which has boosted my confidence and my bank account. i also have the best boyfriend and family that supports me.

which is why i can't tell anyone. my boyfriend knows but that's pretty much it. i'm worried people are going to realize i'm a hot mess anxious loser.
or that my family will force me to come home and get help. i had an emotional breakdown while drunk at the club and various people saw me crying at the bar. i'm so embarrassed and ashamed. i took more bronkaid thinking it would help my drunkenness (???) and ended up trying to throw it up at home only resulting in a bit of blood in the toilet.

now i'm hungover and on my period. i have no goals right now other than trying to stay sober. thanks for reading xoxo

---

[Rant/Rave] America's obesity problem is partially because low cal and healthy options are more expensive
/u/IdidntChooseThis [5'11.5" | CW: 116.0 GW: 114 UGW: 110 | 15.95 | 19F]
Created: Sun Dec 4 12:39:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gh7ur/americas_obesity_problem_is_partially_because_low/
---
This isn't a new thought or anything. But seriously I'm trying to find good things to buy for groceries and branch out a little, and it's impossible because low cal options are like 8 bucks when other brands are like 5.

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Cvs coupon!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 4 11:54:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ggysx/cvs_coupon/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] DAE binge more when they increase their intake over a certain amount?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 4 10:43:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ggkdq/dae_binge_more_when_they_increase_their_intake/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I want to go for a walk so of course it rains.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 4 10:42:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ggk6v/i_want_to_go_for_a_walk_so_of_course_it_rains/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I already messed up.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 4 10:09:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ggdzq/i_already_messed_up/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My friend ruined the low-weight high I've been riding by pretending to weigh less.
/u/_mukade [151cm | 51.2kg | 23.37 | -9.5kg | F]
Created: Sun Dec 4 10:04:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ggcwq/my_friend_ruined_the_lowweight_high_ive_been/
---
Earlier this week, I hit a new yearly low weight. *tl;dr I spent a year and a half dating someone who wouldn't stop taking advantage of my BED to force me to eat 'out of concern' and I haven't been below 54kg the entire time... but I finally cut this person out of my life (for various reasons) and I've finally been able to make progress on my weight.*

So two days ago I hit 51kg, and I've actually been feeling kind of okay about myself. I posted pics on IG, I've actually left the house during the day. And then my friend M saw my post... and decided to post 'progress pictures' too... of her new low weight of "50kg".

This, in and of itself, wouldn't bother me. But M is my height, only she's at LEAST 60kg.

I understand that she's pretty insecure, and that she probably just wanted to feel like she's making progress, too. It's not the first time she's pretended to lose weight when she hasn't... But seeing someone my height and "weight" who literally has cellulite on their *stomach*... has convinced my stupid brain that **I'm** a jiggly, cellulite covered whale. When I look in the mirror now, I look so fat and bloated to myself I may as well have lost nothing at all. It doesn't matter that you can count my ribs and vertebrae. It doesn't matter that you can see my hip bones again... because everything else is so disgusting.

/end childish rant.

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[Rant/Rave] How I feel every time I binge.
/u/courtnutty
Created: Sun Dec 4 07:01:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gfj5q/how_i_feel_every_time_i_binge/
---
https://youtu.be/3riXj4O1sNk?t=6m55s

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[Rant/Rave] Just had my worst binge EVER
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Dec 4 06:35:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gffov/just_had_my_worst_binge_ever/
---
And I needed to type it out.. I'd love to see yours, idk why.

- a full pack of rice cakes - a full box of donuts - a whole cinnamon cake - a whole pack of white twix - a whole chocolate bar - 400g of cheese - 3 bread buns - whole jar of peanut butter - 500g of cinnamon cookies - four bananas - three bowls of cereal with milk - half a pizza - two portion of fries - three butter croissants - a carton of ice cream



My toilet struggled.

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[Rant/Rave] I hate being so fat and disgusting
/u/sarahPenguin [5'6"| 183lbs | MtF]
Created: Sun Dec 4 05:30:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gf7uq/i_hate_being_so_fat_and_disgusting/
---
I wish I could go to the store and shop like a normal adult and not end up with massive amounts of binge food or that I could eat a meal without my brain wanting me to keep eating until i'm so full it hurts. I'm stuck being a fat lumpy blob because I can't stop stuffing my fat face. Put on 12lbs over the past few weeks from binge eating almost everyday.

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[Rant/Rave] I am not going to binge.
/u/cocionut [168cm | 53.1 | 18.8 | 14.3kg | F]
Created: Sun Dec 4 05:20:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gf6xh/i_am_not_going_to_binge/
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(no flair since I'm on phone, sorry)

I may be feeling uncomfortable. I may be feeling stuffed. I might have been more comfortable eating half of that apple, and there might be bread in the cupboard.

But I'm not going to binge.

I might have hit a new LW today. I might have been feeling more joyful and thinner than ever today. There might be a bunch of cookies in a box on top of my moms closet.

But I'm not going to binge.

Just because it hurts now; just because the food is oh-so-good, and I've already fucked up by like, what, fifty calories, my brain is screaming at me, justifying binging.

But I'm not going to binge.

Because I've been two weeks clean. Two weeks with a healthy cut in my calories and even though it makes me miserable, and I'd love to go 500 or below again, and then binge my fucking heart out, I'm not gonna enter that fucking cycle again.

Let's take a look at what'll happen if I binge.

1. I'll be stuffed
2. Uncomfortable headache
3. Suicidal thoughts
4. Possibly purge
5. Fat and water gain
6. I'll try to fast tomorrow
7. I'll probably succeed one day
8. I'll binge the next
9. I'll be stuck in this cycle for the next month
10. I'll gain everything back and more

Fuck you, bread. Fuck you, body.

I am not going to binge.

I am going to stay in this fucking room.

---

[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post all the memes December 04, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Dec 4 05:08:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gf5mu/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes_december_04/
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This is the weekly 'Shitpost' Sunday thread for December 04, 2016.

This is the perfect place for all of your memes and humor posts!

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 04, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Dec 4 05:07:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gf5me/daily_food_diary_december_04_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 04, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Help] Longest plat ever?
/u/saintandserpent
Created: Sun Dec 4 01:15:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gej9e/longest_plat_ever/
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Bleh I can't edit to flair on my phone.

I've been plateaued/fluctuating between 5 pounds for nearly a month with no change in my diet. Some times I think "ok well maybe I'll eat semi normal maybe that'll help" and I eat like, lunch and dinner, wake up 4 lbs heavier and freak out.

I generally esp for the last maybe 8 months gone down to 300 cal a day give or take and I really don't know what to do?

Any ideas?

Anyone plat for so long? What do you do?

I honestly only eat dinner and can't eat lunch or breakfast / don't have time etc I don't know.

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[Rant/Rave] I see the weight loss on the scales, and when I get dressed and clothes fit better or are too big again, and other people see the loss, but when I look in the mirror I still see a fatty and I feel like a failure.
/u/tinycat1 [165cm| 56kg | 20F | GW: 45KG]
Created: Sat Dec 3 23:38:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ge8so/i_see_the_weight_loss_on_the_scales_and_when_i/
---
I'm so close to my first goal too, I just can't fucking see it. Anyone else feel this?

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[Rant/Rave] Embarking on a higher calorie adventure
/u/RainyDayDaydream [5'6 | ?? | ?? | ?? | Lady]
Created: Sat Dec 3 23:08:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ge53d/embarking_on_a_higher_calorie_adventure/
---
Ah, so, I have a vitamin B12 deficinecy and in all honesty it just makes me feel like shit all the time. I'm on tablets for it and may get injections too. But I'm so exhausted from feeling like shit- I get so tired. Being tired and not getting enough calories ALSO makes me tired. I'm going to try to start eating at 1200 a day for awhile. This number is what I used to eat, before it developed into lower levels of restriction. I've been skipping breakfast, by lunchtime I turn into a nervous eating machine. All I've been doing lately is binging my ass off and I've hit a wall, and purged again twice attempting to restrict any lower. I'll also have to try to find ways to sneak more B12 into my diet. I'm lurking on the 1200isplenty sub. That community looks so great,
I've also realised that my boyfriends ability to just not eat until like 4PM pisses me off. I wish I could just...not worry, not obsess over food and just eat when I want.
I've also randomly gone off my anti-depressants, because it fucked with my appetite. I'm living at home again. I hate it. Its been a major trigger for purging. My parents are trying to be helpful, but, I'm just non-responsive.


I'm not sure why I'm making this post, guess I just want somebody to listen to what is going on in my head.
I'm so tired I can barely function.
Any advice? In terms of eating more, not binging and foods with B12 in it? I need to also start eating more dense foods.

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[Help] [help] Coming off a fast?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 3 20:37:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gdk4l/help_coming_off_a_fast/
---
On mobile, as always. Apologies.

Also apologies, because I feel like I talk about poop A LOT on here. So, uh, yeah, TMI ahead. I love you guuuuuuuys 😜

I just completed a 100 hour fast!! Woo!! It really helped me counteract the horrible four day binge I went on last weekend/earlier this week. The last time I ate was around 6:00 PM Tuesday evening.

The fast was great, and I did fine. I drank a crap ton of powerade zero and never once felt faint.

10:00 PM marked my 100th hour, and I broke my fast by eating a little bit of soup. Just under 60 grams of ham broth (my boyfriend made the broth from a ham bone earlier this week) with some cauliflower and celery thrown in. My stomach hates me so much right now!

Just literally sitting on the toilet peeing out my butt. Straight liqui-shits.

Clearly, soup was not the correct food to break my fast! Have any of y'all had any success coming off a fast without RUNNING for the bathroom 30 minutes later?

Thanks y'all. I know I say this all the time, but I really do love you guys. You are all absolutely beautiful people, even if you don't see it yourself. I have so much love and respect for each and every one of you! ❤️❤️❤️

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[Rant/Rave] Sudden moments of clarity, and crushing disappointment...
/u/caseydoeswords [5'0 | c:125 | cgw:120 | 25f]
Created: Sat Dec 3 20:09:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gdfwv/sudden_moments_of_clarity_and_crushing/
---
Hi, guys. This is a rant, please feel free to ignore me. It might get quite lengthy, as I am currently experiencing ALL of the feels.

I was driving to my SO's house this afternoon, ruminating, after having a really rough two days with food. I've been fighting some strong binge urges half-successfully, during which I have also been fielding a sudden influx of "OMG! Tell me what your weight loss secret is!" requests from the people around me. It puts me in such a bad headspace to have people asking me for food *advice* when I know I am barely qualified to give it.

My first goal is only ten pounds away, and as much as I would *love* to be satisfied at 120lbs, I know realistically, I probably won't be. I have people already telling me that I'm getting so small, and that if I lose any more weight, I'll blow away. Meanwhile, I'm *still* in the overweight BMI range (barely), and those comments frustrate me. I don't feel satisfied with my body right now. I don't feel satisfied with my faltering self-control.

So when I reach 120, what is going to happen? I'm going to drop my goal to 110. And then 100. This has me thinking about how impossible the idea of eating at maintenance is. I can't even eat *at a deficit* without having crippling guilt and fear about every morsel that goes in my mouth. I agonize over every fucking bite on my plate. And that's when it hit me:

I literally can not imagine a world where I am not this person.

I can't imagine ever, *ever* being able to view food normally again. That scares the ever-loving shit out of me. I can not imagine a day where I will happily go out for brunch, or sit down for dinner with friends, without doing these mental gymnastics about my food. This is my reality. In my mind, if I am not actively losing weight, I am gaining it. I may factually know that this isn't true, but I can't get past that mental hurdle.

This evening, I went to the grocery store with my human to pick up some stuff for tomorrow. He asked if I had eaten dinner and I lied and said I ate before he got home from work. He asked me what I want to eat for tomorrow and I told him to just get whatever he wanted. I am so, so concerned with appearing normal - but I am reading the labels of everything he puts in the cart and mentally evaluating what I will, or won't, eat. He wants to grill out and make some ribs with mac & cheese and baked beans. I just feel sick to my stomach thinking about it tomorrow. So much food. So many calories. Sauce, cheese, carbs. A bunch of stuff to push around a plate and nibble at.

He snagged a two-pack of King Size Reese Cups at the checkout line and asked if I wanted one. I didn't. I watched in absolute horror as he ate them both. My mind, the whole time, is screeching *how many calories how many calories how many calories?*

My self-consciousness is always heightened around other people. I am suddenly aware of how terrible my relationship with food is. He didn't think twice about the candy. He wanted it, it tasted good, he enjoyed the hell out of it, and he didn't worry at all about calories or "good" versus "bad" or whether he'd be up a pound in the morning. I, meanwhile, am panicky just *thinking* about it.

When it's just me, at home alone, my habits are just my habits. My fucky relationship with food is just how I eat. Being around other people, having a "normal" touchstone to compare myself with, is an unpleasant reality check. I know he's about to come back downstairs with a truly *massive* bowl of shrimp pasta, probably the entire bag, which is something like four servings. He's not going to give a shit. But I am. I am going to give many, many shits - *about food I'm not even putting in my own mouth.*

I just hate this so much. I hate being this person. I hate spending so much of my energy doing these twists and turns in my head about food. The catch is, I'm also 100% not ready to stop.

---

[Help] How kind should I be to myself? [Very long post, sorry!]
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 179.6 lbs | 32.69 | -10 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Dec 3 19:43:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gdc0m/how_kind_should_i_be_to_myself_very_long_post/
---
Ok, I never fully introduced myself. Hi all, I'm steph! I am currently border - line obese, and this is my second rodeo with an ED. I suppose I'll start with my first one to give you some background.

I had always been fat growing up. I was made fun of for it all of the time, and spent my entire senior year of HS in sweat pants and a hoodie out of embarrassment. Then, about 3 years ago, I experiences my first tango with an ED. I don't like to call it anorexia, because I was never underweight. But, I was severely restricting every single day for about 5 months straight, starting at 170 lbs. Never once binged, never threw up, just stopped eating more than 500-1000 cals a day. I got severely depressed, which I know now was the reason I lost so much weight. I holed myself up in my room for days straight, my parents would call me to make sure I hadn't died in there, beg me to go out to dinner or a movie with them; basically anything that would get me out of the house. I was depressed over college, over life, over my body. I hated it. I wanted to be skinny god damn it!

I lost 40+ lbs that summer. And lost about 10 more when I got a nasty case of strep in December. I met my boyfriend in between that, in September. We had graduated high school together and tried to date before, but high school drama blah blah blah. Anyway, we eventually started dating while both attending college and that really kicked me into gear. I wanted to be skinny for him. He's 6'5" and his ***highest*** weight was 180. He's currently 160, which sucks because he weighs less than me and it makes me feel like even more of a cow...

I really watched my eating the first 6 months. I hated going out to eat, I hated ordering, I hated when my stomach growled after spending the whole day with him insisting I didn't feel hungry at all that day, so weird! My lowest weight was 116. I lb from my UGW. But I was happy with him. All of my problems temporarily disappeared when he came into my life. And what to happy people do???

EAT ALL THE FUCKING TIME. So I ate. And ate. And ate, and ate, and ate. I ate until my stomach hurt, until I felt like I would puke. But I never did puke (I hate puking, can't even bring myself to purge even when my brain is screaming at me how much of a loser fat-ass I am). I just slept it off, and woke up and ate again. I became obsessed with food once again.

So, three years later and I am 70 lbs heavier. I feel disgusted with myself. At the time I didn't care. Whatever. My depression came back in full swing and I thought I deserved to be fat and gross forever. I did it to myself. I wanted to be this way. I wanted to fucking hate myself and hide my body from my loving and handsome boyfriend, my soul mate. He's been so understanding this whole time. But he deserves and thin and beautiful girl. A confident girl. I stopped taking my antidepressants and I'm on a manic high. I've been eating below my TDEE since Tuesday and I never want to stop. My new UGW is 101 since 115 wasn't good enough for me.

My problem is I feel like I'm too mean to myself. Yesterday I ate nearly 1000 calories. Still below TDEE but god, did I want a 500 or less day. Same with today. I ate plain toast (110), soup (280), a Splenda packet with my tea (7), and a piece of pizza (supposedly 240, I don't believe that.) And I fucking hate myself. I'm so fucking ANGRY.

And I hate it even more because I work in fast food and I resisted temptation all day. All fucking day around pizza, I said no every time. And what the fuck do I do when I come home and my roommate orders pizza??????? I FUCKING EAT IT LIKE THE FAT NEUROTIC PIG I AM.


I mean, I logically know I probably didn't go over 1000. But 500 feels so good and I lose so fast. I need it. And I have dinner with my parents tomorrow. I already decided to fast until then. Only tea and water, NO FUCKING SPLENDA. And I'll take tiiiiiiiiny tiny portions and have half a glass of wine. Hopefully that'll be enough to get me tipsy...


Anyway, enough rambling, because I really did make this for advice from you guys. Am I being to hard on myself? I'm afraid if I'm not, I'll slip right back into my shitty eating habits. I have to be strict and unwavering otherwise I lose control and it'll be like the last 20 times where I promised my boyfriend and myself I'd lose weight and then I don't. I need to do this. I need to. Please help. ❤

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[Meme/Humor] [Humour] FUCKING UP BY NOT REALISING LAX POTENCY 💀
/u/allevana
Created: Sat Dec 3 18:31:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gd0sv/humour_fucking_up_by_not_realising_lax_potency/
---
Hey guys first post in this subreddit! Humour is for Sundays but it is Sunday in Australia so...

I've suffered from a restrictive ED and lost 10kg in 6 weeks from a low healthy BMI, but then that obviously spiralled into binging and then to get rid of the binges - bulimia + laxative abuse.

When I started using lax, I'd use senna infused chocolax and take the recommended dosage and go to the toilet and get crampy and feel like shit (heh) but now I've switched to pill senna form. I used to take 3 and go in 12h, now I have to take 10 to get the same results. Resistance is scary!

Anyway, that's the backstory. I've worked myself up to a whopping 20 for the lax to even work. I took 10 yesterday, fully expecting to have a day to shit my guts out but then mum invited me shopping. I'm a capitalist pig and I love spending money, so I go. I think to myself that I won't have to suffer any consequences from a half-effective dose of lax.

Wrong.

I get my shopping done at a mall 40 minutes away from home and I begin to feel it. The first cramp. Oh *shit*.

Mother is driving and I tell her I have food poisoning so she stops off at a Nandos on the way home and lets me shit in there. For an entire *hour*.

Liquid shit is coming out of my asshole and I'm shitting on a schedule because the store is about to close and it's just a lot to take in


Fuck why do I lax myself to this point I h8 myself

Anyway it's a full 24h after I took the lax yesterday and I'm still cramping ahahahahahahahahahahahahyagahagayaya love life

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[Help] When is it considered an eating disorder?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 3 17:22:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gcpe4/when_is_it_considered_an_eating_disorder/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Eating disorders are lonely
/u/bo0youwhore [5'4" | Lost: 9lb | CW: 110 | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 3 17:12:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gcngq/eating_disorders_are_lonely/
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My friend is a bartender at a restaurant and a lot of my friends are there getting drinks and lunch (for free). I was invited and pressured to go but I wouldn't let myself because yesterday I ate three solid meals (plus dessert) after a week of restricting. I am using today to balance out yesterday.

Oh well, at least I'm being productive at the library and not gaining weight.

Edit: I'm going to a party tonight and I'm fasting all day so that it doesn't take me much to get drunk. Also I'm sticking to vodka sodas.

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A perk of being broke
/u/TummyRumblz [5'8" | CW:155| LW: 146 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 3 17:09:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gcmya/a_perk_of_being_broke/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Ramblings, anyone who has binged and 'made' it? Advice please?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 3 16:42:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gcigr/ramblings_anyone_who_has_binged_and_made_it/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Reached a new (5 year) lowest weight! :D Rewarded myself by eating! D:
/u/abond4 [5'7.5 | 118.8 | 18.3 | -60 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 3 16:13:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gcdip/reached_a_new_5_year_lowest_weight_d_rewarded/
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At least I didn't straight up binge, but I need to remind myself that there are other rewards in this world besides food. I'm not a dog. If I'm going to get to my goal of 113 before the 22nd I need to stay vigilant!

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[Rant/Rave] Surpassed UGW, don't care
/u/-kaneki-ken- [5'7" | CW 120 | GW dead | 18.7 | 22F]
Created: Sat Dec 3 15:45:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gc8ic/surpassed_ugw_dont_care/
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I wish I had a soul in the world to tell besides you guys, but at least I have you. Thanks in advance.

Two things about my lifestyle have changed again, this time with much different results. I quit my job (food service, hotel breakfast prep) and moved into a new house with two dudes. Quitting the job was at least partially motivated by the stall in weight loss because I couldn’t control myself around all the free food. Leaving that environment has helped tremendously with continuing to lose.

It also helps that I now live with two dudes, one of whom I am romantically involved with. He’s a picky eater, vegan, and skinny as all hell (6’2” and 151 lbs), which in itself is incredibly motivating. Additionally, since neither of them pay attention to what I eat, and since I refuse to binge around them, living here has allowed me to stop bingeing and start restricting. Hard. I've averaged less than 1000 cals a day for two weeks and have completed two 24 hour fasts.

Part of this is because I am, I’ll admit, very, very depressed. I mean, boy, do I fucking hate myself, inside and out. I've hurt so many people this year, I don't feel like I deserve to eat. I’ve been researching how long it takes to actually die of starvation (8-12 weeks, FYI), and it amuses me to know that if I consume no more food whatsoever, I might possibly be dead before my birthday (Valentine’s Day). I'm soothed and uplifted by the idea that I can just slowly disappear, fade away into nothingness. After a previous suicide attempt and a long, brutal history of self-harm, this just feels like the logical next step: A quiet and controlled descent into organ failure.

I have reached the threshold of unhealthy. I can feel it. My UGW was 125, and today I woke up at 119 lbs. I haven’t been this small since middle school. Never did I imagine I would be this thin, but as you all know, that’s no reason to stop losing. I don't care how I look anymore. I don't care how my clothes fit. I don't feel hungry anymore. I just feel nice. Empty. Floaty. Weak. It's so much easier to be servile and meek when you feel faint from hunger, you know? Now, I'm no threat to anyone. I don't have the energy to hurt anyone else.

Anyway. I don't know why I feel compelled to report back. I guess it's because the last time I posted I was in a much different place, 9 lbs heavier, and battling daily binges. Now I'm just a skinny ghost blowing around with the snow, one step closer to the new ultimate goal.

Thanks for reading, you guys. I think you're all marvelous.

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[Help] I took laxatives and I don't know whether to be worried or not
/u/w-a-m-s
Created: Sat Dec 3 15:05:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gc1h9/i_took_laxatives_and_i_dont_know_whether_to_be/
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Ok so I gained 2 lb in water weight and I decided to try laxatives to get rid of it(I know it doesn't help you lose fat I just wanted to get back to where I was).
I took 2 and waited 8 hours...and nothing happened. So the next night I took 6 and I woke up today and nothing has changed, except my gut/stomach is rumbling like hell. This is probably TMI but my pee was REALLY cloudy--like almost opaque. I know that's a sign of kidney issues and I was wondering if anything like this has happened to you guys?? Am I going to shit myself??

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[Goal] ate 1200 for a week, ran a 10k: my results!! (plus bonus pic: shopping w ed)
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | hw: 139 | cw: 114 | gw: 95 | 19F]
Created: Sat Dec 3 14:14:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gbrye/ate_1200_for_a_week_ran_a_10k_my_results_plus/
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[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f6yg0/one_week_of_1200day/) is my original post :)

basically I ate 1200 calories for the week leading up to & 1500 the day before a 10k race so I'd have energy! the race was p important to me because I need a certain time to get placed in a faster group for my upcoming half-marathon.

well, the race was cancelled last-minute due to weather, lmao. i said fuck it and ran 10k anyway, but it sucks that I don't get to send in my time.

so here's the part that probably matters to y'all: yes it did feel better than any distance runs I've done while restricting. I kept a good pace and honestly felt like I could have kept on going for much longer, but it was cold & raining. however, the week itself kinda sucked, tbh. I had probably 2 days of feeling very full, then 2 days of feeling kinda okay but a little sluggish, then honestly a lot of hunger but more energy. in general I just felt uncomfortable with that many cals, especially since I didn't do any hard exercising to rest my body.

my takeaway is that I'd do it again if I had to though. it helped my race and that's what is important. & i haven't been weighing myself bc I didn't want to freak out & ruin my plans, but I don't feel like i gained.

these next two weeks are gonna be hell bc finals, but at least I can restrict again, which is my comfort zone. I bought some finals essentials and it kind of made me lol so [here's a pic](http://imgur.com/a/OIPyE).

anyway. thanks y'all for the support. I'm proud that I didn't restrict for a whole week, even though it was hard & I'm glad it's over. :')

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[Rant/Rave] My first binge?
/u/foldedpapercranes [5'6'' | 105lbs | bmi 17| F]
Created: Sat Dec 3 13:30:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gbjvr/my_first_binge/
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I think I may have binged. I don't know. Maybe it was just overeating. Hopefully.

I ate over 2000 calories yesterday and felt good. And told myself I would fast until dinner today so I could eat at a christmas party. I got hungry though and I might have gone overboard. I felt like the day would be shot anyway so I might as well get all my cravings out of the way.

I probably consumed 2000 calories in 2 hours. I had mini sandwiches, grapes, chocolate, ice cream, and cookies. And honestly my stomach doesn't feel great. I feel so guilty.

I don't feel like I lost "control" though. I just wanted to eat so I did. I didn't feel like I couldn't stop--I knew what I was doing and just made really bad decisions. So I'm not sure if this was a binge or if I just was really really dumb. It happened fairly quickly but each decision to eat was my own.
I feel confused.

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[Rant/Rave] I seriously just ate a bit of raw pork
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 3 13:16:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gbhd8/i_seriously_just_ate_a_bit_of_raw_pork/
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Just so I possibly get sick. Unlikely to happen but my intent is still kinda fucked up. And now I'm gonna add 50 calories to my total for the day. I hate myself. We have peanut brittle that I can contribute to half of my cals for the day also. Why do I have no goddamned self control. New lw. Can't update flare cause I'm probably going to fuck it up. At 125 in egg whites, 70 in bread, and add 100 cals for 3 chips and some pico de Gallo for the eggs, even tho I only had 3 tablespoons of it. Then I logged 130 for a possible ghost food I maybe ate yesterday and drunkenly logged. Then 300 for all the rest of the peanut brittle. Fuck me. Qi don't even log my calories from whiskey....lord I don't even wanna know the cals from my alcoholism. Lmao. Sorry for ranting yall. Yall are the only people who get it.

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Sucralose AKA Splenda AKA delicious laxative
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 3 11:39:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gayy6/sucralose_aka_splenda_aka_delicious_laxative/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Enough is enough
/u/NaejNire [5'9'' | 146 | 21.17 | -16]
Created: Sat Dec 3 10:19:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gajtp/enough_is_enough/
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I'm officially ending this cycle. For good. I've had enough of binging, enough of the purging, enough of the guilt, enough of the regret, enough of the weight gain. I'm finally taking control again.

After rereading Brain Over Binge, I no longer have any excuse for my actions. I have full control over my decision to binge or not and I'm ending it here today.

Just felt the need to write this down somewhere. I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend :)

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[Rant/Rave] According to MyFitnessPal I could eat 2,200 calories for dinner and still lose today...
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 116 | 20.04| Lost: 44|GW:0]
Created: Sat Dec 3 10:08:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gahoe/according_to_myfitnesspal_i_could_eat_2200/
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1,200 as the normal allowance (I prefer to stay way lower than that but obvi. it won't let me set it any further down), +1,300 that I burned according to my hiking tracker (which I'm going to say is bullshit and a massive overestimate but w/e), and then -~300 for the yogurt and granola that just kept me a smidge above conscious.


Anyway, feeling totally back on track after a week where I struggled to stay under 1,000 a day (which is on my high end already)! (although in my defense I went running most mornings and just didn't add it in)... I was seriously worried I was about to fall off, but I'm ready to kiss goodbye to the 120's once and for all :)!

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[Rant/Rave] Breakfast With My Dad
/u/kat-official
Created: Sat Dec 3 09:59:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5gag3l/breakfast_with_my_dad/
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I don't know what I'm doing this is a bit of a rant about recovery I guess.

When I was a kid my dad would take me out for breakfast every single saturday at Denny's and we'd eat off each other's plates and play on the claw machine and it was nice but we haven't done that since I was 13 because of my ED, so today we did it again for the first time since and I feel really gross but also happy I did it. It made me want to try recovering again but also not enough to actually start that up again yet. He mentioned my progress during the eating and said he was proud of me for getting healthier, but didn't try to pretend I wasn't sick anymore. He still looked at me like a kicked puppy when I spent a long time setting up my food so that I could eat it, but I can appreciate the fact that he didn't try to convince me to eat it normally. The thing we're both trying to focus on is that I'm not as bad as I have been, and that I'm a lot better than I was in the last few months. My next step is a normal date with my dude-type-person tonight. I'm trying to go until monday without purging or fasting but I think I'll probably do a 24 hour fast on tuesday-wednesday. But supportive parents FTW I guess.

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[Discussion] food culture
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | 170lb | M]
Created: Sat Dec 3 09:20:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ga9cw/food_culture/
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I don't understand why refusing food is taken as such an offense?

"Ahh, no thanks, I already ate!"
"*C'mon,* it's [insert quality]."

Like, why does normal social doctrine fly out the window when it comes to food? People feel almost obligated to bully you into eating.

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[Rant/Rave] Sharing my weird dream
/u/blondebynature [5'3" | CW: I'm scared of scales | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 3 07:54:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g9vgb/sharing_my_weird_dream/
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I had a wonderful dream last night that I put on my favourite dress and it just fell to my feet because it was too big. I don't think that's actually possible since it has such a high neck but it's still so disappointing to wake up and have it still be a struggle to get the zip up. Why can't I live in dream world where I'm tiny and happy.

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[Rant/Rave] I just want to share some happiness :']
/u/Skinnystems
Created: Sat Dec 3 07:45:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g9u8i/i_just_want_to_share_some_happiness/
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This morning my twin sister's boyfriend said "Hey... ya'll's legs are the same size now."

And we stood next to each other and I realized it was said in context that my legs are skinnier. My sister has been much tinier than I in the last few years after having a baby. She always complains about her legs being too skinny and she wishes they were bigger.

So, I guess that's a success. :)

And this morning I was pretty content with myself.

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[Rant/Rave] I ruined 4 months purge free last night :(
/u/french__toasted [5'9" | CW:too much | GW: 115 | F21]
Created: Sat Dec 3 07:20:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g9qt7/i_ruined_4_months_purge_free_last_night/
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Yesterday I was dumb and ate 2 slices of pepperoni WHICH WAS 660 CALORIES. I felt super shitty about that but I was doing fine until I went to a couple parties with friends. I ended up have 3.5 drinks (w/zero calorie mixers) which I'm rounding to 500 calories. My fitbit said I burnt 2500 calories yesterday so even if that's an overestimate I still probably was under my TDEE. I was just so freaking devastated by the fact that I was full of drinks and had eaten pizza that I purged.

I hate myself and while it's nowhere near the huge b/p sessions I had over the summer I still feel like shit. I thought I was done with it and am afraid that this is just a gateway back into old habits. I'm fasting until dinner today but dinner is a pizza dinner that I won't know the calories but it's guarenteed a lot. I'm praying that my stupid self won't find the need to purge. Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.

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[Goal] My thighs don't rub together when I walk
/u/russianfrank
Created: Sat Dec 3 07:17:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g9qgt/my_thighs_dont_rub_together_when_i_walk/
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OH MY GOODNESS FINALLY.😃

I noticed it the other day as the weather is getting warmer and warmer and I'm forced to uncover my legs.
But also, I've bought a bunch of dresses last summer that were way too small for me. I was hoping that by this summer I will be able to fit in them. Was my year long motivation, y'know? And guess what? I do, I fit in the perfectly with a bunch of breathing room 😄
I haven't noticed how much I've lost (I actually thought I've gained more weight) but fitting in the too-small-to-fit last year's clothes made my brain go "WOAH DUDE LOOK AT THAT" and it's so fucking amazing. Still too fat, but amazing.🙃
This is one of the things I'm sososo proud about and want to tell the world, but no one but you guys will understand and cheer for me. 💕

The downside of this whole thing: My clothes are way too big now so I have to buy a whole new wardrobe.

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[Rant/Rave] Onions are fucking pointless
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Dec 3 06:25:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g9jey/onions_are_fucking_pointless/
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[deleted]

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! December 03, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Dec 3 05:07:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g9ab4/stupid_questions_saturday_december_03_2016/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for December 03, 2016.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 03, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Dec 3 05:07:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g9a9x/daily_food_diary_december_03_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 03, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Help] [Help] French-speaking people, what is the best choice in this menu?
/u/voidnasp [153cm | CW 55,6kg | 24,96 | -12kg | F]
Created: Sat Dec 3 01:30:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g8oxt/help_frenchspeaking_people_what_is_the_best/
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(menu at the end of the post)

So I'm eating at a burger restaurant with a friend of mine and my roommate today, and I feel really lost. I don't know what I can eat without feeling like a whale after. The burgers there are really big, and full of fat...

Plus, I learned my roommate invited his boyfriend (who eats like a pork, the best anti thinspo in my apartment) and another friend (who speak A Lot, usually to say judgmental things) without asking me if I was okay with it. I don't really mind if you're asking before, but now it just feels like there's more people who will watch me eat and judge me if I take a salad in a burger restaurant (I talk lightly about that yesterday and got laughed at by the boyfriend mostly, and but my roommate sounded okay with what he said whereas she knows I used to have problems with eating)(well, technically they both know and think it's over and now it's okay to make comments about what I eat, because me losing 10kg isn't enough to tell I relapsed), and I was just not enough prepared for that. I thought it was just my friend and my roommate, and now I feel like it was a trap. EDIT : I asked my friend and she also thought it was just the three of us

I can't tell I'm on a diet otherwise the boyfriend will never leave me alone with this (he already think the only reason I eat a lot of vegetables lately is because I am poor, like trying to eat healthier or me loving vegetables isn't an option). If I eat before going there, they're all going to think I'm stupid for eating before going there. I already feel so stupid for panicking like that, being unable to make a choice or to just affirm myself in my eating habits. If it wasn't for my friend, I would have canceled everything.


TL;DR : What do you think is the best choice in this menu I could only find in French?

http://amenu.mgimanagement.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Menu11.png

http://amenu.mgimanagement.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Menu21.png

(sorry for the bad formatting, i'm on mobile)

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[Help] I'm about to binge :(
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.2 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 3 00:51:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g8kx6/im_about_to_binge/
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My boyfriend's mom came into town and made a "Late Thanksgiving Dinner" and I now have a huge bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy and turkey in front of me. I already ate a decent amount today. uuuuuuugguuhgfhjgfjhldf

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[Help] Post-Binge Advice?
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 112 | 20.4 | -56| GW: 105| 20.48]
Created: Sat Dec 3 00:02:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g8fnr/postbinge_advice/
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Sorry for the two posts in a row. As I mentioned in my intro post I had my first bad binge in a while today. I am trying to decide how to handle it moving into the weekend.

A really big part of me wants to either fast or heavily restrict. The problem is it may be difficult because I have to be around other people for long stretches of time most of this weekend.

I am also afraid that I only binged because I had restricted too heavily, and that more restriction could trigger another binge. I am thinking about maybe just doing like high protein low carb and staying under 800 and hoping it helps water weight come off?? The idea of eating ever again makes me want to die though.

I really wanted to be at my GW before I saw my father for Christmas. I haven't seen him in almost 2 years and he was always very clear about his opinion of my body and weight. But I also have finals before then and don't want to sabotage that. UGHHH. I don't know what to do. I wish I could undo this binge.

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[Rant/Rave] I recovered from my bulimia but binge no purge has made me disgusting.[Rant/Rave]
/u/LayedEdges
Created: Fri Dec 2 22:40:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g85ks/i_recovered_from_my_bulimia_but_binge_no_purge/
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[removed]

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[Help] Maintenance is hard
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 2 22:39:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g85i5/maintenance_is_hard/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I do not fee anorexic enough to be allowed to ask for help.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 2 22:30:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g84bu/i_do_not_fee_anorexic_enough_to_be_allowed_to_ask/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Ever just have a REALLY bad day?
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| fatty | GW 145 | -32.6lbs | 25F]
Created: Fri Dec 2 22:26:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g83qy/ever_just_have_a_really_bad_day/
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Sorry I don't have access to a computer and that's why I can't flair 😞


Like emotionally?
I have this thing where I beat myself down so bad that it just feels like no one should ever want anything to do with me, that I'm a horrible mother and girlfriend...horrible friend.

It's a really shitty defense mechanism and it at times makes me so mean..I just essentially get "verbal diarrhea" and say shit I don't mean when I'm mad at myself.

I basically spent the last 2 hours crying wishing I would die because my boyfriend said I needed help. I tried for 6 months to get my mental state together after other failed attempts. I have been on every anti-depressant except Wellbutrin...which was determined to not be a class of anti-depressant that would be effective for me.

I don't know what to do to make it all stop, my boyfriend said he'd leave if I'm not getting better in a few months time. I'm scared nothing will work..

I don't know if this breakdown has anything to do with my failure to fast today but it's just been overall bad. I didn't binge but I didn't exactly eat the best.

TL;dr fuck bad days

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[Discussion] 15000 steps
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 2 22:25:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g83n2/15000_steps/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm happy that I got fired :) :)
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.2 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 2 22:24:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g83ju/im_happy_that_i_got_fired/
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because now I have no money for food and my boyfriend has to take on the burden of paying both of ours bills like what the fuck is this disorder fucking kill me hahahhaa :):):):)

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Ayyy gonna b/p :^) because :^) fuck :^)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 2 21:16:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g7u6d/ayyy_gonna_bp_because_fuck/
---
[deleted]

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[Intro] Intro.
/u/lealli
Created: Fri Dec 2 20:59:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g7roz/intro/
---
Hi all, I'm not going to go nuts here as I've been posting here and there already but never did an intro. The short version is that I'm 29/f, sick for 15 years.

I first developed an ED at 14, although I probably would have been considered BED or EDNOS before that, as I was a heavy child and I had a lot of issues with secret eating and uncontrollable urge to binge. My cycle has always been low restriction --> higher restriction ---> add purging ---> purging very frequently and then we start again. I moved around a lot, so different counselors have classified me as Ana-b/p or bulimic depending on when they saw me. I self diagnose as generally fucked up about food.

I was in recovery for almost 4 full years, but recently was triggered (April) and the cycle began in June. I've lost 35lbs since 6/6/16 and I'm hoping to drop 40-50 more. Step by step, day by day.

I mostly use the sub as a place to feel less alone while I hide my illness.

So... hiiiiiiiii

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[Intro] A long overdue introduction.
/u/lilmdjd [5'2 | CW: 112 | 20.4 | -56| GW: 105| 20.48]
Created: Fri Dec 2 20:44:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g7pio/a_long_overdue_introduction/
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Hi everyone! I have been a lurker on this sub for many months now, and the sense of community and support has been amazing. I am an exceptionally bad place right now, and I thought it might finally be time to introduce myself.

I am a quintessential 22 year old college senior, with my life seemingly very together from an outsiders perspective. I have struggled with my relationship with food for... as long as I can remember. I have memories of sneaking food to chew and spit when I was 10. When I started college it kind of spiraled out of control and I was diagnosed with bulimia. I got treatment at the time, but in retrospect my doctors weren't very good. I ended up transferring from the college I was at and moving across the country. in the last 6 months, my bulimia has sort of transformed? into something that is a lot closer to anorexia. Im not really sure what the catalyst was, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder so that might have played a part.

Anyway, whatever the cause, (not) eating has sort of taken over my life. It consumes every thought and ounce of energy I have. It is sabotaging my friendships and relationships. It is sabotaging my education. And I simultaneously love and hate it.
I am down to my lowest weight which isn't very low. (I /think/ its actually lower than my flair, but I don't have consistent access to a scale). I have been heavily restricting (<500) / EC stacking for about 2 weeks now and this morning I broke down and ate 600 calories in one sitting and felt like shit and decided it was time to make a counseling appointment at my school. The appointment went really well and she was really helpful (even though she kind of hinted that I wasn't thin enough to worry about), but for some reason I came home and had the biggest binge I have had in years (~3000? Kill me??).

So, in an effort to make myself accountable and in an attempt to find comfort, I am writing this. I am sitting in bed, writhing in self loathing and excruciating pain, finally admitting that all the control I was so certain I had was a lie.

I don't know what my goal was writing this was. I guess I just needed the words to be out there.

Sorry for the wall of text!

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[Rant/Rave] And people wonder why I have an eating disorder
/u/OccasionalJerk [5'5 | 155 | 25.8 | GW: 125 | -6 | 17F]
Created: Fri Dec 2 20:41:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g7p1k/and_people_wonder_why_i_have_an_eating_disorder/
---
Im'ma just let you know beforehand that this is gonna be, like, a MEGA RANT because I need it honestly. (Also, I'm new here, but didn't make an introduction so hi everyone).



Okay. My. Family. Is. Psychotic. Someone save me from this insanity. Lawd Jesus I need out of this hell-hole.

Let me start with my childhood. Most people would assume that because I'm not physically abused, that because I come from a white, middle-class family, that everything is just a-okay. It's not. The root to my eating disorder IS my family. Growing up, my brother was a demon. A straight demon. He'd call me things that I still hear in my ears to this day, things that I think in my head whenever I'm binging, or purging, or starving myself. (worthless, fat, never will amount to anything, no one will ever date you, many mixtures of the above and more) When I would get fed up with this shit and finally explode on his ass, I got in trouble. Not him. Never him. I'd get whooped with a plank of wood or a belt and scolded while he laughed in the other room. I have countless stories and legit nightmares just from him, let alone my parents. He'd hold my head underwater till the point of me legit thinking I was gonna die, thinking that I was never gonna get to the things I wanted to do when he'd finally let up. I would be in pain and crying, but did my parents do shit? Hell no, they didn't. I'm afraid of swimming with other people, or sometimes just swimming in general because of him. Once I get to where I can't touch the ground, my body starts to shake and suddenly I can't breathe, even though I'm no longer drowning. I'll want to cry and it'll be a struggle just to get back to shore, what with me frightened like a small child. He would spray cologne down my throat saying it was sour candy, and even when I was old enough to know better and would say no, he wouldn't let me leave unless I let him spray it in my mouth so I'd eventually give in. And then get tormented for days because I "thought cologne was spray candy," when we both know I really didn't. And did he ever get in trouble for these things? Not a chance. But I got in trouble all the time. Surprised I don't have scars on my ass from all the spankings I got growing up.


But my parents, man. They raised me up as a Christian, forcing their beliefs on me, I must say, and yet they were also homophobic and racist, as was I for the first 8-10 years of my life until I got around more outside sources and learned better. I try to defend those groups of people as much as possible, but my parents don't give a fuck what I have to say because I'm a "child and think I know everything." For years I was in torment with myself because of the doubts I had about God, but was so afraid to admit I didn't believe because I thought I would go to hell. They had my mind so warped(no offense to any Christians, have nothing but respect for you and your religion so long as you don't shove it down my throat) and I hated myself so much because I could never "feel" God like the others, and because deep down I really didn't believe. One day I finally admitted it to myself, and about a year later I decided to tell my parents because I was tired of keeping it a secret. Big mistake. I wrote a long, thoughtful, respectful letter, explaining not only my lack of religion, but also my eating disorder, asking them to please remain calm and to accept me because I'm still the same daughter they've always had and this thing is just a religion, not who I am as a person.


And they freaked out. My dad wouldn't look at me for two days. I can't explain how badly that hurt. How bad it hurts to know that the two people that you should always be able to depend on, the ones that are supposed to love you no matter what, are the ones with the most conditioned love of all. How bad it hurts to know that even though you still love them, even though you have been through hell and back because of them and have forgiven them and loved them time and time again even they aren't good people, that they can't accept that one thing from you. They straight up ignored the eating disorder part for several days and when they finally brought it up and I ASKED for help, they didn't believe me. They didn't believe their own daughter when she said she had an eating disorder and wanted to get treatment. Still don't.


They watch me 24/7 now. Anytime I want to hang out with friends, even on a weekend, I have to be back by 9 o'clock(I know it's not that bad, but c'mon. That doesn't leave me very much time to have a life.) and they must know every detail of my day, including but not limited to: what I ate, what time I ate it, how much did I eat, what did I do, who was all there, do they have gfs/bfs, who are their parents, what are their names, what are they like, are we dating, was I using profanity while there, did I have to pay for anything or did someone else pay, and many, many more pointless questions that I don't want to fucking talk about. They monitored my phone for awhie, and I THOUGHT I had finally gotten it back and could at the very least get some privacy through that, but nope. They're still monitoring that, too, so anytime I send a text using profanity, I get called out on it and punished. Anytime I send a text wanting to talk to my friends about how my parents are treating me and how it sucks(I'm a teenager, what the fuck do you expect?), they tell me to stop it. Like, I HAVE to talk to someone about it. I can't keep it bottled in all the time or else I'll explode, and here you are taking away the one way I do that.


The way they look at me saddens me. Such disgust and anger and shame because I don't want to live the life they want me to live. Because I am SICK and TIRED of going to church(they're still forcing me to go, by the way. They told me not to tell anyone what I told them, though my friends know, so everyone at church is always telling me how they can see God's light in me and shit, and here I am not even in believing in or wanting to be there at all) and pretending that I believe, or when I do tell someone that I don't(I live in the Bible Belt, pretty much everyone here is religious{except me} though I'm gonna continue to stand for what I believe because I'm sick of it), they look at me in shame and try to convince that there is a God. No, bitch, I've been going to church for over 16 years, if I don't believe in this stuff now, I never will. So stop.


Then there's how my family and (some)friends like to shove food down my throat(even though I'm 155 lbs and need to lose some weight and have mentioned that I'm on a diet), and not even healthy food at that. My parents have no willpower and they like to try to force that on me. No. I do not want to be like that. I want to look in the mirror when I'm older and like what I see. If I say I'm not hungry, LEAVE ME ALONE. Don't start naming off a bunch of different food options, because I DO. NOT. WANT. ANY. You're wasting your breath and really going to get on my nerves. If I look a little fat in what I'm wearing, I know. Believe me, I know, Mom. Quit poking me and pointing it out. Don't make fun of me when I say I'm on a diet and am eating an entire jar of nutella on a binge because that's just gonna send more waves of shame and disgust and anger and hate through me and I'm either gonna eat a shit-ton more while crying, or I'm gonna starve myself for several days while crying.



Anyway. I could go on a lot longer, but I'll stop now. To make a long story long, I am being suffocated and if I don't get a breath soon, I may just be crushed under the pressure. I want a better life than this. I want to be able to breathe, to smile again without being judged.

I guess what I really want is to go back to my dreams of being a writer, or an actor, or a teacher, instead of my dreams of being skinny. It's the pressure that's driven me to this disorder, and I just want it to end. I want to get away from my family that way I can get back to taking care of ME. I don't care if I sound selfish, I want to think about me for once in my life. I believe that I could get healthy and get my shit together if I wasn't with my family. I really do. Even though I love them, they're insane and driving me to the edge.


Someone just get rid of this suffocation. I want to breathe again. I want to be HAPPY again.

---

[Rant/Rave] Every time I hit a new LW, I binge
/u/diekorrekturen [5'7 | 137 | 21.5 | GW: 110 | -18 | 20F]
Created: Fri Dec 2 19:58:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g7inc/every_time_i_hit_a_new_lw_i_binge/
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Why?? Binged like hell through Thanksgiving, then fasted Tues-Thurs this week. Hit a new low, 135.8, yesterday, and today I eat Ben and Jerry's and Chipotle and M&Ms. It's always 1 step forward 2 back with me.

Oh and I skipped like 2/3rds of my classes this week and called out sick from work and could barely leave my room for days and am now procrastinating on a term paper due at midnight.

This is nonsense, I just can't understand why I keep fucking shit up just as things start going well again.

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[Rant/Rave] I think I've fallen and I can't get up
/u/GiveMeASmosh [5''2' | 101.2lb | 18.5 | -13lb | f]
Created: Fri Dec 2 18:39:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g76kx/i_think_ive_fallen_and_i_cant_get_up/
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I ran into the most beautiful tiny girl today. She had long black hair and freckles and was so skinny, like a delicate little waif. I'm not sure if I'm in love, or really really jealous... Maybe a bit of both?


She's the skinniest person I've ever seen, she had these tiny skinny jeans on that looked like boyfriend jeans on her frame and when she passed me I actually stopped walking and turned around to look at her. I'll probably run into her again... But I'm wondering if I should introduce myself.


I feel ashamed that my attraction is based on her weight, which is definitely a unhealthy bmi. Guys should I talk to her? Should I introduce myself?

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'Tis the season
/u/french__toasted [5'9" | CW:too much | GW: 115 | F21]
Created: Fri Dec 2 18:00:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g6zyh/tis_the_season/
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https://m.imgur.com/LSnuEX8

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[Other] 'Tis the season
/u/french__toasted [5'9" | CW:too much | GW: 115 | F21]
Created: Fri Dec 2 18:00:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g6zyg/tis_the_season/
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https://m.imgur.com/LSnuEX8

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[Intro] I used an ED to lose 70 pounds and I feel guilty as hell. (or: "i'm a man who hates himself")
/u/apiirr [6" | 218 | 30 | -70lbs | male/21]
Created: Fri Dec 2 15:51:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g6cnb/i_used_an_ed_to_lose_70_pounds_and_i_feel_guilty/
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hi there guys. I'm not sure if I'll be welcome here, as I'm a guy, but I figured I'd add my voice to the mix.

Through high school I was pretty well in incredible shape. I was 6 feet tall, 180 pounds, and nothing but muscle. I was the captain of the football team, and doing great athletically. People didn't like me for various reasons (I was loud, boystrous, a total dick) and I was skinny and cool and the football team captain so I didn't give a shit.

Then in grade 12 my life changed. I got hit. Hard. Illegally. I got knocked out. I woke up somewhere else with a good year's worth of memories erased, terrified, shitting myself, and with a traumatic brain injury that literally killed the person I was and replaced him with who I am now. I'm quieter. I'm fucked in the head. I hate maths and sciences now (which were my favorite things in highschool before all this) and for a long time after the incident, I couldn't play a lick of a musical instrument (which has always sort of been the only thing keeping me from killing myself.) After the injury, I had to be bed ridden for essentially a month, and I drowned my sorrows with food. I ate my feelings. I couldn't work out beyond lifting small weights for almost a year after the injury, for fear of fucking myself up more. I could have died. I sort of wish that I had. I put on about 100 pounds, and at my worst, I was close to 290. I started purging and starving myself a few months ago, and now I'm down to around 220 pounds. A lot of my muscles have come back because I like the feeling of hurting myself and destroying my body, so I go way too hard on them and have chronic pain pretty much everywhere as a result. I've dabbled in all sorts of physical self harm.

I'm not at the stage where people are worried about how much weight I've lost, yet, but I know I'll get there. People just keep congratulating me, telling me they're proud of the work I'm putting in. Old friends will see me and say "wow, I haven't seen you in months, how have you lost so much weight?" and I'll say "haha, just good food an excerize! Cut out soda!" but inside I'll be screaming because I hadn't eaten in three days and had been calmly ignoring the weightlifting-caused bruises that were steadily growing under my clothes. I'll pretend that I'm proud of myself, but I'm fucking disgusted with myself that the only way I can lose weight is to just keep puking. I've lost 70 pounds in literally 3 or 4 months and I know it isn't healthy but god fucking dammit what else have I got? I can't play sports. I can't play rugby. I have my university studies but those just make me depressed.

At least if I'm skinny that's something nobody (or nothing) can take away from me.

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[Help] Weighing less during the day?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 2 14:41:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g5yxh/weighing_less_during_the_day/
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I know that usually after food and drink you should weigh more. I usually go up at least 3 pounds after two meals. But today when I weighed again it was less then it was this morning before I ate. What is wrong here?

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[Discussion] Calories in herbs?
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Fri Dec 2 14:00:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g5qk8/calories_in_herbs/
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Does anyone know the calories in herbs? The mix I'm using is thyme, parsley, and marjoram. It comes premixed so I don't know the ratio. The recipe calls for 2tsp. Thanks to anyone who knows.

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[Rant/Rave] Guys I'm pretty stoked right now.
/u/feelslike5ever [5'5" | CW 132 lb. | GW 110? lb. | 17F]
Created: Fri Dec 2 13:35:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g5lku/guys_im_pretty_stoked_right_now/
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So first off, I've never formally introduced myself on this sub, so hello, I'm feelslike5ever.

Ok. So I've been in this awful cycle lately of doing really well eating-wise for a few days then completely blowing it one day, and repeat for the past few weeks. So yesterday and the day before i did really well, so of course I was really afraid that I was going to blow it today (which I know today isn't over yet, but I already feel like I've beat today's possible binge).

Anyway, I ate my little lunch today and felt the familiar feeling of "I need to eat anything and everything right now." Luckily, though, I didn't see anything that I really wanted to eat on my first walk through of the kitchen (even when I feel like I'm about to binge I'm kind of picky), and on my second time browsing the fridge, I just kind of started talking myself down, saying, "but do I really need to? I know these cravings will pass, so I'll just grab my diet soda and wait this one out," and guys it worked! I drank my soda kind of quickly so now I feel sick like I just ate a bunch anyway, but with none of the calories!


Just a little victory for me, I've really been struggling lately with pouncing immediately on my cravings (holiday season, amiright?), but I'm slowly getting back in control of it.

edit: After thinking about it for a bit, I have a question. Is diet soda one of those things that actually has calories but a little enough amount that they can round down, or is it actually calorie-free

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[Other] It's all a paradox
/u/scandinaviandreams [6'0" | 131 | 17.93 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 2 13:30:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g5kfu/its_all_a_paradox/
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* I want people to notice me but I don't want to be noticed.
* I love food but I hate food.
* I want to be weak and dainty but I want to be strong.
* I'm in control but I'm not in control.
* I want to eat but I don't want to eat.


It's freaking insane is what it is.

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[Rant/Rave] OMG, the ALLURE OF BREAD. BREAKING CARB ADDICTION WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME :'D
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 2 13:00:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g5e6c/omg_the_allure_of_bread_breaking_carb_addiction/
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BREAD, WTF.

I SWEAR IF JESUS HIMSELF DESCENDED TO EARTH AND OFFERED ME ETERNAL HAPPINESS OR BREAD, MY BRAIN WOULD CHOOSE ETERNAL HAPPINESS BUT MY HANDS WOULD CHOOSE THE FUCKING BREAD. AND THEN I'D EAT IT AND BE SAD FOREVER. LOLOLOLOL :'D

FUCK.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm so upset with myself
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 2 12:32:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g58ir/im_so_upset_with_myself/
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I have EVERYTHING I need. I've got a home, a boyfriend that loves me, I've got my material needs, I go to college, I live in a great first world country.

And I'm still doing this to myself. I'm such an ungrateful bitch.

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[Help] (Help) Another Senna tea post
/u/fiascofiesta [5'7" | 123.4 | 19.26 | 22F]
Created: Fri Dec 2 12:20:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g55xx/help_another_senna_tea_post/
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So I drank senna tea last night (12ish hours ago) for the first time. I was worried about not being able to make it to work tonight so I only steeped it for 5 minutes instead of the package instructions of 10. But... nothing happened. At all. I get more of a reaction from my body drinking strong mint tea. Is it because of the steeping time? Or is my body revolting against me? I've been eating normal/large amounts the past 3 days so it isn't that there's nothing in my system. I've never taken a laxative before but I'm worried my body is already dependent on them because I drink a strong cup or two of coffee everyday.

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[Rant/Rave] I found a fellow ED friend
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 2 12:05:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g52mg/i_found_a_fellow_ed_friend/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Anyone here has knees that touch before ankles do?
/u/cannibale101 [5'4 | HW:150smtg | CW: 115.2 | GW:108 | 28F]
Created: Fri Dec 2 12:00:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g51iq/anyone_here_has_knees_that_touch_before_ankles_do/
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I hate it but it's not to the point of a medical condition ; i'm just like that. Sure it hurts when i run too long, too often, but otherwise it's not a "real" problem. I just hate how my thighs seem like they'll never stop touching and looking chubby because of that and i'll always look a little awkward. I see women heavier than me with this majestic thigh gap... I wanna look like the thinspo models with long, well apart, delicate legs and it seems impossible :( *Sorry for the first world problem* Please tell me there's hope if i keep losing

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[Help] Hunger headaches?
/u/fluidbitch [5'7" | 220 | 35.1 | 0 | agender]
Created: Fri Dec 2 11:23:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g4tsn/hunger_headaches/
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Hi, I'm prone to migraines (especially when in my healthy weight range) and I'm starting to get hunger headaches/the beginning of a migraine.
Is there anything that helps y'all with this? I don't ingest caffeine, because it sedates me so that's not an issue.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm scared about this weekend....
/u/french__toasted [5'9" | CW:too much | GW: 115 | F21]
Created: Fri Dec 2 11:13:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g4rss/im_scared_about_this_weekend/
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Today was the last day of classes for the semester and that means there are a ton of social events happening this weekend. Today alone I've been offered an entire loaf of challah bread, been asked if I wanted to order pizza (twice!) and promised friends I would bowling plus I have 2 holiday parties to go to tonight.

I'm already at 570 calories for today and while I think I can get out of drinking at bowling by offering to DD, I know Im going to drink at the parties today (I want to tbh) and I'm really afraid I'm going to lose control. I usually restrict by just avoiding food in general and am pretty good at refusing food a few times, but if I'm constantly bombarded I'm probably going to give in. I wish it was easier to be social and not eat :/

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[Help] [Help] Kraft Mac & Cheese packet calories
/u/gettinkrafty
Created: Fri Dec 2 10:22:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g4gql/help_kraft_mac_cheese_packet_calories/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] IT'S A NEW DAY GUYS; TODAY CAN BE THE FIRST DAY OF WHATEVER YOU WANT IT TO BE <3
/u/runnin-n-whey [5'4.5 | 116.8 | 19.92| -20 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 2 10:21:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g4gok/its_a_new_day_guys_today_can_be_the_first_day_of/
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It's friday guys! It's a great day for a fresh start. Who cares what happened yesterday or even this morning; you can always start living the lifestyle you want <3

such a rare kind of day, after a week or so of binging (due to period I think)

I'm back at my lowest, I went for a run this morning but nothing excessive, in the middle of eating a NORMAL breakfast. For the first time in weeks I looked in the mirror and felt.. average. Not thin but at least not a wildebeest like I usually feel.

I am determined to make this a fresh start: No HEAVY restriction, No B/P, no overexercise, only eat at a 500-1000 cal deficit so as to avoid binges. I'm going to be spending the day with someone special which will distract me + I always eat relatively normal-ish around others. I won't binge before bed but I will let myself have a snack if I'm genuinely hungry.

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[Help] Why o why do carbs make us feel so crappy?
/u/cannibale101 [5'4 | HW:150smtg | CW: 115.2 | GW:108 | 28F]
Created: Fri Dec 2 09:40:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g4824/why_o_why_do_carbs_make_us_feel_so_crappy/
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Hi! I'm rushing to finish the last paper of the semester. I'm broke, i don't get out much these days and don't have much left to eat but oatmeal and rice (the white cheap stuff). Yesterday i totaled around 600-650cals (don't have a scale so everything is approximate) of white rice with red wine vinegar, soy sauce, sriracha, a little plum sauce and some herbs. Ate the whole thing and got back to work, but today i'm super bloated and puffy, i have a headache (am super hydrated, didn't drink alcohol, didn't miss coffee) and it still feels like i had a massive binge :/ I didn't even retain so much water, 2.4lbs instead of 8-9lbs when i actually binge on carbs and salty foods (definition of binge here : eating enough to gain, because i allowed myself to eat a little more to finish that last paper). So everything *should* be good considering the numbers here.

Why do i still feel like shit? Physically? What is it with complex carbs?

Thanks for any input and good luck to the students here :p

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[Intro] Getting back on track after an incident last night
/u/SmaharbaShe
Created: Fri Dec 2 09:17:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g43dq/getting_back_on_track_after_an_incident_last_night/
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When I stopped posting a few months back I weighed 72.5. After that I quit a benzo and have been very very sick ever since, major fatigue and mainly, I lost the majority of my hair. I focused on eating healthy and didn't count calories, after all that my health is still fucked. I only gained 1.5 pounds so not so bad.

Yesturday as I was eating a cheese omelette my mom randomly said "you eat a lot". I hated myself then..and idk why she said that as I'm 5'4 and 73.5 pounds. I took it as an insult.

I'm going back to restriction now basically, im only happy when I'm losing. Goal is 70 pounds by Christmas.

Anyway, this was my re-introduction.

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[Help] Fail fail fail [help]
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Fri Dec 2 09:01:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g405p/fail_fail_fail_help/
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This whole week has been totally off for me and I've been eating garbage and not weighing myself. I don't understand how my brain "switches" from obsessing over food to not even being able to comprehend or care what I'm eating. I can only assume it's a coping mechanism of some sort but... ugh. It's like I even forgot I was a member of this community.

Does this happen to anyone else? Spend weeks compulsively weighing and measuring and counting calories and then do a 180° and completely stop?

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[Other] Does stress increase appetite or the other way around?
/u/StarliteSoul
Created: Fri Dec 2 08:39:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g3vu7/does_stress_increase_appetite_or_the_other_way/
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Sorry I'm on mobile and can't flare. ):

I'm having a rough time at work and I'm really trying to control myself not to fill in the gap with food. Coke Zero has been a saviour. I know I shouldn't binge because it will just make me hate myself more afterwards. Heads up!

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[Rant/Rave] People who get hungry every 12 seconds and complain about having not eaten since breakfast at like 10AM
/u/OriginalJokeGoesHere
Created: Fri Dec 2 08:39:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g3vtl/people_who_get_hungry_every_12_seconds_and/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] 1 day into Dec. and I've already messed up and feel defeated (self-harm trigger warning)
/u/Hi_ImDonnaChang [5'5" | 108lbs | 18.18 | GW 95lbs | F]
Created: Fri Dec 2 08:39:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g3vqe/1_day_into_dec_and_ive_already_messed_up_and_feel/
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I'm so upset and feel like I've undone so much hard work. Colleagues are bringing in holiday treats and I stupidly thought I could just have one small handful of poppycock-style popcorn (caramel coated nuts and popcorn - the devil!). Nope! I have zero self-control and probably ate 800 calories worth and this doesn't include the other stuff I stupidly consumed yesterday. I'm usually down to 106lbs by Friday morning (I try to restrict on weekdays) and this morning I weighed 109.8lbs which means I'm guaranteed to weigh-in over 112lbs by EOD. And all I can think about is this is the beginning to the end... by Christmas I'm going to be a big fat whale and miserable. I need to stay away from sugar. I probably should have admitted this to myself a long time ago, but once I have a little bit, I'm hooked for the day.

Thanks for reading. It feels better to share than keep this inside which can lead me to self-harm which is super embarrassing. I like to get regular massages and I know they can see the cuts and scars on my legs. It's so embarrassing because I feel too old for this shit. Not that self-harm was "cute" or "cool" during adolescents, but as a 30-something female, it's super embarrassing and screams "I've got issues!". But I digress, my post is about ruining weeks of progress one day into the Christmas season.

Can't wait to take a handful of laxatives after work so I hopefully feel a little better when I weigh in tomorrow. I'm going to try to keep Sunday as a fast-day (water, tea, and broth) and hope that my Monday morning weigh-in is under 108lbs.

Hope you guys are staying strong.

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[Rant/Rave] Hahaha... Today was wonderful, however, that's not gonna stop me from wanting death
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 2 07:24:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g3hwf/hahaha_today_was_wonderful_however_thats_not/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] WINTER SQUASH IS MY JAM :^)
/u/neuro-fuzzy [5'6.3| CW: 112 ☹ | BMI: ??? | LW 98 | GW 108 | 20F]
Created: Fri Dec 2 06:55:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g3d1b/winter_squash_is_my_jam/
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http://imgur.com/CvHuYHQ

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[Goal] Two Days out of Control, Back on the Wagon
/u/lealli
Created: Fri Dec 2 06:52:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g3civ/two_days_out_of_control_back_on_the_wagon/
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TL;DR: holiday fail. Sad pathetic b/p cycle, goal for today is 600 cal.

so the last two days have been a holiday party disaster. Cake. Candy. Pasta. Bread. And I couldn't do it. After being really good (I'm a vegan and try to eat mostly whole fruit/veg/grain) and staying under 900 cal of healthy food for quite some time, and only purging once a day or not at all, I spent the last two days eating like an animal. Want. Have. Have more. Want again. Purge. Repeat.

I am trying very hard to make today a new day. Got a bag of lovey veggies and three kinds of teas with me at work. I can do this.

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[Discussion] Are y'all asking for anything for the holidays?
/u/nauticaI [5'3½ | BMI 20 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 2 06:49:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g3bzl/are_yall_asking_for_anything_for_the_holidays/
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Parents, family, SO, and coworkers have all been asking what I want for Christmas/my upcoming graduation. I'm curious what people are asking for, if anything :)

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[Help] How to ask mom for new bathroom scale?
/u/probablywithmydog [5'2 | 105lbs | 19.57(standard)20.27(new) | -4lbs | F]
Created: Fri Dec 2 05:50:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g333k/how_to_ask_mom_for_new_bathroom_scale/
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I've had the same scale forever, and recently I've realized that it's super uncalibrated and always inconsistent. I can weigh myself and then weigh myself again 1 minute later and there can be a three pound difference.

So anyway, long story short, how do I ask my mom for a new one? I don't want her to start getting suspicious about my eating habits and weight. I feel like if I ask for a new scale then she'll catch on to everything.

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[Tip] I left my paycard at home the day after I binged
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Dec 2 05:32:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g30ku/i_left_my_paycard_at_home_the_day_after_i_binged/
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Stopped the binge cycle completely since I had hours of school.

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! December 02, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Dec 2 05:10:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g2xrc/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
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This is the weekly picture thread for December 02, 2016.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

**Rules**

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host.

Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, inspiration behind your OOTD (trying to look thin or cover up weightloss, etc.)!

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 02, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Dec 2 05:10:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g2xqg/daily_food_diary_december_02_2016/
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This is a daily food diary thread for December 02, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Other] I find comfort in knowing all of you feel the same as me.
/u/High_as_red [5'4 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 2 01:52:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g2b2u/i_find_comfort_in_knowing_all_of_you_feel_the/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g2b2u/i_find_comfort_in_knowing_all_of_you_feel_the/

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[Help] cheese calories on pizzas questions
/u/katerinavlaas
Created: Fri Dec 2 01:16:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g27b9/cheese_calories_on_pizzas_questions/
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[removed]

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I binged like crazy for the past few months. I fucked up and I'm going to end up going into a downward spiral.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 1 23:11:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g1rus/i_binged_like_crazy_for_the_past_few_months_i/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] What's everyone's favorite tea?
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Thu Dec 1 22:35:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g1mvv/whats_everyones_favorite_tea/
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My favorites are anything peach, pineapple kona pop from Teavana, and Especially the ones like smooth move or roasted dandelion from traditional medicinals.

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[Rant/Rave] fuck the holidays and food forever [self-pitying angry whinging]
/u/cactuskey [5'0 | CW: 109lb | GW: 77lb | BMI 23.5 | 26F]
Created: Thu Dec 1 22:33:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g1mhi/fuck_the_holidays_and_food_forever_selfpitying/
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Fuck the parties with the plates of cookies, the family get-togethers, the leftovers in the fridge, fuck not wanting to be the "picky eater" at somebody's dinner party. Fuck holiday "baking season." FUCK THE PHOTOGRAPHS. fuck fuck fuck FUCK Christmas, fuck the holidays, fuck everything that happens October 30th~January 1st.

If someone offers me food or tells me where it is I eat it. I'm overweight with plenty of stored energy to survive and I haven't felt hungry in months; the act of eating is pure emotional self-sabotage under the guise of performing other people's expectations of me. Good food, bad food, clean food, tons of calories, few calories - eating anything is just a method of hurting myself that I can't stop doing, and my excuse for pulling the trigger is that "someone will get worried" if I don't do it.

I wish I could never eat ever again. I fantasize constantly about living alone, cocooned in an empty room with nothing in my cupboard and no temptations. No putting on a show of good mental health. Nothing to perform. No consumption of anything. Just alone, empty, and free. I hate eating. I *hate* it.

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Had a bad day yesterday
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 1 22:31:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g1m64/had_a_bad_day_yesterday/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Control out the window
/u/littlelizard_ [5'7 | CW: 52.0 | GW: 50 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 1 22:29:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g1lzm/control_out_the_window/
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I'm not really sure what I'm asking for here - definitely not tips on how to restrict but more of how to gain back some control.
Before I went overseas I had a good routine. I had an active job, exercised regularly and did a fairly high restriction. It was stressful at times but I had a routine, rarely felt hungry and for once in my dam life I actually liked how I looked.
Fast forward to today and I've gained like 5 kilos in a month wondering how the hell I let this happen. There are too many meals that have been out of my control and the temptations to eat aaaalll the sweet stuff is unreal. I'm home a lot while my friend is at work so I have just done an ungodly amount of snacking. I've felt myself go into these binge modes which have never happened before and I feel worse than ever. Not to mention is so cold and rainy outside that it's been harder to exercise. I'm only here for a few more weeks but that's enough to gain even more unwanted kilos.
I guess what I'm asking is how do you guys prevent the mindless snacking ? I keep telling myself that one more chip or piece of chocolate doesn't count and just to enjoy myself but of course it bloody count. This feels like self sabotage considering as I'm eating my brain is just telling myself to stop. I know we all go through this but I don't even want to 'restrict', I just want to stop the over eating because it's adding up.

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[Rant/Rave] He stopped talking to me because I'm fat.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 1 22:04:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g1i8g/he_stopped_talking_to_me_because_im_fat/
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[deleted]

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[Help] So I'm not sure what I have...or how to fix it.
/u/faithfullyme [5'3 |CW:150 | BMI:22 | Weight Lost: 80lb | GW: 125 |F]
Created: Thu Dec 1 21:24:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g1brb/so_im_not_sure_what_i_haveor_how_to_fix_it/
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I lost about 80 pounds the "healthy" way, gradually over a year or two by eating healthy and exercising. Then came the end of this summer when i wasn't as thin as I wanted to be. Then I started fasting/starving to get thinner for an event, but after the event I pulled out all stops on eating. I ate anything and everything, not counting calories or paying attention to the amount. I'm allergic to wheat and milk and I would purposefully eat those things after the event almost as a form of punishing myself for starving. That takes food that's "bad for you" to a whole new level as it physically harms my body but I don't seem to care. I want to get back to being healthy but I have no idea what to do. I also have rarely been to the gym since the event.

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[Thinspo] Gif thinspo
/u/Weazin_the_Ju-uice
Created: Thu Dec 1 21:03:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g184i/gif_thinspo/
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I was looking through saved posts on my old ed account from a year ago and I came across a gif thinspo album. I'm not sure if we are allowed to repost things, but it's been so long that I think it will be new to a lot of people. [Enjoy~☆](http://m.imgur.com/a/YStt3)

*Also, it was super weird reading my ed thoughts from 2 years ago. It brought up a lot of emotions and experiences that I had forgotten and left in the past. Does anyone else go back and reminisce over ed/body stuff?

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[Rant/Rave] I didn't binge, but I hate myself today
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 1 20:53:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g16gg/i_didnt_binge_but_i_hate_myself_today/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Design your perfect body
/u/imnevergold [5'6 | 112 | 18.15 | -15 | F |]
Created: Thu Dec 1 20:48:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g15ns/design_your_perfect_body/
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I saw something similar on MPA and I think a lot of us have ideal versions of ourselves that we would like to be. For me I would like to be a bit taller. I'm currently 167-168cm and I would love to be 172-175cm. I've been dying my hair unnaturally bright colours like pink and blue for 3+ years now so I want to grow out my natural hair color. I want freckles, more pronounced dimples, and lighter eyes, maybe like a hazel. My ideal bmi would be 15.65 or 15.66 and my ideal measurements would be 32-22-33.

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[Rant/Rave] Biggest binge of all time. God kill me now
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 1 20:46:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g15dx/biggest_binge_of_all_time_god_kill_me_now/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] [Mobile; can't flair] DAE have muscle or bone pain you think is caused by your ED?
/u/fastestnerdalive
Created: Thu Dec 1 20:22:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g114t/mobile_cant_flair_dae_have_muscle_or_bone_pain/
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I've been having really bad bone and muscle pain for a while, so it's noting super new to me. But recently it got so bad I had to start physical therapy as well as see a bone doctor. I lied about having an eating disorder to them and now I'm worried that I made a mistake.

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[Rant/Rave] I started abusing laxatives
/u/Lunar_Heart [61.75 in | 86ish lbs | 16.Something | -24ish | f]
Created: Thu Dec 1 20:19:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g10ny/i_started_abusing_laxatives/
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Well.

I've done it.


Go me, yeah?

It began the day after a concert, aa concert to see my favorite band of all bleeding time that was nearly ruined by the fact that my normally 23 inch waist was ballooned up to fucking 28. Luckily for me, after some creative fucking around with fluids, it was down to about 25 by show time, and i managed to feel like i wasn't a damn swamp monster for their set.

The next day however it was right back to normal.

I stayed home from school i felt so shitty about it.

So, after i was alone, i walked in the freezing cold for two miles to go get some dolcolax.

I stole it like the little trash can i am, partially because it was five dollars for ten of the damn things and partially because i know everyone who works at this particular store.

I bought a pack of gum to cover it and went on my way.

3:00am rolled around and i popped three of them.

Eight hours later and horrifying cramping later, i had my 22 inch waist back and a new crutch to lean on.

It's been almost a month and I'm already on my second box and taking them at least once a week, including once when i took more than i should have and was nauseated beyond words, too weak in the legs to stand, and nearly fainted. I threw up unintentionally for the first time in years.

Good job, Lunar. Good fucking job.

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[Other] 23 weeks pregnant now
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'6 3/4 | Pregnant so gaining for baby | F]
Created: Thu Dec 1 20:15:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g100k/23_weeks_pregnant_now/
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I'm 23 weeks pregnant and have been eating healthily for the baby. I'm at the highest weight I've ever been in my life: 129 lbs (5'6 1/2 - 5'7). But lately I have been daydreaming so much about the 6 weeks of maternity leave I get when I can go back to my eating disorder. I'll get 6 full weeks to lose as much weight as possible by eating safe foods/purging. And I'll be breastfeeding to burn calories.

I wish I didn't think this way. I really am happy that my body is capable of holding a baby and that I'm capable of gaining weight for my little boy (though I have purged a few times and still haven't been able to bring myself to eat breakfast unless I know I can skip lunch). I can't help but crave my old body and my hip bones and ribs. It's so selfish that I even care about this.

Just wanted to rant.

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[Rant/Rave] This is my whiny crybaby rant about my husband having horrible taste in women (yes I see the irony, lol)
/u/miss_morticia [5'10" | cw: 146 | gw: 105 | 20.90 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 1 19:34:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g0sna/this_is_my_whiny_crybaby_rant_about_my_husband/
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So my husband is obsessed with fucking Tommi Lauhren and I get it cause she's hot. Personally, when she speaks it annoys me greatly because I think she's a racist jerk (in my opinion) but that's not the point of this post. The point is she's so tiny and blonde and girly. And I am HUGE and hard looking and had a shitty day of eating today.

Literally the only thing he's done for the last hour is sit and watch her videos on youtube. I'm like wtf. And I know it's only cause he thinks she's crazy hot. Meanwhile I'm working and he's just going on about this about her and that about her. FFFF.


And I don't know why I care about this one because I never care when he looks at other women. What the fuck is wrong with me?

All I want to do is binge and purge but I'm going to bed. I know there is really no response to this rant lol. I just need it out I guess. Thanks for being here <3

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[Discussion] Does anyone have mfp premium?
/u/cuts-and-cats [5'2 | 115 GW: 95 | 21 | -25 lbs |F]
Created: Thu Dec 1 18:54:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g0lmt/does_anyone_have_mfp_premium/
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I'm just trying to debate if it's worth it or not? I just saw today that if you have it you can have different calorie goals for different days which is very appealing to me.. any opinions?
(On mobile sorry can't flair! Other)

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[Rant/Rave] Pointlessly comparing myself?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 1 18:28:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g0gxp/pointlessly_comparing_myself/
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[deleted]

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[Help] I May be Irrational and Crazy, but I Need Reassurance.
/u/Shernibop [5'3 | CW 134 | GW 100 | -66]
Created: Thu Dec 1 17:31:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g05k0/i_may_be_irrational_and_crazy_but_i_need/
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I'm trying hard. SO HARD to get my eating habits under control and something so simple shouldn't be so difficult, but it is. I've been binge eating a lot. I've actually GAINED 20 POUNDS!!! I absolutely can't keep going up, I hate myself enough as it is I can't be gaining weight. If I don't monitor my eating, I binge. If I control my intake too low, I MAY succeed for a few days but, ultimately, I binge. Right now I'm counting my calories and letting myself eat 1,350 a day. Weird number, and not really based off much except it's below me TDEE. It should be safe, right? I'm gonna try to keep this intake for a while, and then lower after so many successful days. Maybe I'll do a week or two I don't know. Anyway, I work a desk job. 8+ hours a day I'm sitting on my butt. I live with 3 other people and there's no room or privacy to exercise, and so usually I'd walk around town to burn calories but the weather isn't in my favor so I'm thinking maybe I'm eating too much except I know I'm NOT eating too much because normal people eat that much, if not more, every single day and they look good. They look great. I don't know why I'm freaking out so much I should feel fine. I am fine, but I'm not. I'm full of panic and doubt and I wanna feel ok and safe with how I'm eating but I don't.

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[Rant/Rave] Finally built up the nerve to tell my boyfriend about my ED, went beyond well.
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Thu Dec 1 16:41:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5g0224/finally_built_up_the_nerve_to_tell_my_boyfriend/
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My boyfriend is 6'1 and I'd estimate him at about 160 pounds (he says more.) He currently plays college baseball and played varsity baseball and football in high school. He smokes every day and usually will have a couple cups of coffee and then maybe dinner if he remembers, because him and his roommates all smoke everyday. He is everything I want to be. For a while I almost assumed he had an ED but really he's just a stoner who loves being outside and sports and moving around. Yesterday I finally broke down and told him I had an ED and he simply said "I know baby. I know everything. Of course I notice. But I see you are under a lot of stress and I fear commenting on it will just make it worse, so I watch you and make sure your okay and try to help out as much as I can by making sure you know you look good and are loved." I honestly lost it. Our one year is New Years and we will be in Disneyland. I'm going to marry this boy.

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[Rant/Rave] I hate hate hate it when people ask me to go out at the last minute
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | hw: 139 | cw: 114 | gw: 95 | 19F]
Created: Thu Dec 1 16:22:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fzyaq/i_hate_hate_hate_it_when_people_ask_me_to_go_out/
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In the past hour, I've been asked if I want to go out for tacos, share a pizza with some people ordering in, and go out drinking at this Christmas themed event tonight. I would honestly love to do any of these things, but I can't find out about them this late bc I have to save all my calories. I feel like my friends think I'm flaky but they just don't understand that I HAVE to know in advance. I have serious FOMO but my need to not be around food is much stronger. I'm literally so lame nowadays. It just kills me because I can't explain why I'm saying no to anyone :(

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My body can't "absorb" calories?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 1 15:52:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fzsb8/my_body_cant_absorb_calories/
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[removed]

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[Help] Does anyone know some delicious very low-calorie spices/yoghurt toppings?
/u/alreadycrushed
Created: Thu Dec 1 15:50:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fzrt3/does_anyone_know_some_delicious_very_lowcalorie/
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I've got a bunch of cheasy. I'm craving big time, but I don't wanna throw any fear foods on. I've tried having it plain, but I feel like all my calories have to be 'worth' it. Any ideas?

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[Rant/Rave] my parents are taking everything from me
/u/kennedyconnolly [5'9| 120 | 17.4]
Created: Thu Dec 1 15:22:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fzm2l/my_parents_are_taking_everything_from_me/
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so, my parents have taken away my driving to school privileges because they are worried i am running extra mileage after practice before coming home (which i am but fuck off). this just makes me want to restrict more. tomorrow i might just leave the house before they can get in the car with me.

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[Rant/Rave] I've slept two hours today but it's ok
/u/alreadycrushed
Created: Thu Dec 1 14:59:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fzh1p/ive_slept_two_hours_today_but_its_ok/
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I'm not gonna eat till after midnight, but the munchies just hit me **hard** I don't mind eating at night for some reason, I think I've convinced myself I make up for it during the day. So, one hour, three minutes left.

How the fuck are you guys?

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[Discussion] All these post-purging tip blogs keep telling me what kinds of foods to eat after a purge and I'm like "lol wat? I just got all the food OUT. Why tf would I want to put more back IN???"
/u/Thunder2WonderThighs
Created: Thu Dec 1 14:52:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fzfro/all_these_postpurging_tip_blogs_keep_telling_me/
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Shit...maybe I'm not doing as great at coping with my S.A.D. this winter as I thought I was...

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[Help] About to go to the Christmas Market with friends
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW 160 lbs | GW 150 | UGW 125 | 19f]
Created: Thu Dec 1 14:46:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fzek3/about_to_go_to_the_christmas_market_with_friends/
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There will be free samples of alcohol and full fat hot chocolate, plus stands selling craptons of greasy/cheesy/meaty/carby comfort foods ... I'm really afraid I'm going to spend a bajillion dollars and pig out! Right now I feel pretty resolute, but I don't know whether I'll be able to control myself around all the smells and watching people eat. What techniques do you guys use to exercise your willpower around your favourite foods?

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[Other] THIS Is What a Size 8 Actually Looks Like at Your Favorite Stores
/u/coffee_fairy [5'7" | CW 100lbs | BMI 15.66 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 1 14:35:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fzc9o/this_is_what_a_size_8_actually_looks_like_at_your/
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http://www.brit.co/vanity-sizing/

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[Discussion] "Casual" anorexia
/u/zingerthrow [61" | 126 | 24.8 | -40lb | F]
Created: Thu Dec 1 14:03:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fz59x/casual_anorexia/
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I used to have an ED that pretty much controlled my life and every part of my being. I was so obsessive about eating and weight. At some point, I decided to focus my energy on other things so that I could slowly wean off of my eating disorder. It worked. I traveled, learned new instruments, picked up new hobbies, made new friends, etc. Eventually I was able to maintain a decent weight while eating whatever I wanted.

Lately I've found that I've been casually eating less. Just.. casually. So that I don't have to feel like my food and weight are controlling me again. Casually, I skip breakfast, then lunch, then dinner, casually, I step on the scale. "Oh, I've lost 3 pounds.. that's cool, I'm not gonna jump for joy or anything because *I don't care*." - at least that's what I consciously tell myself. "My appetite is just dminishing, not sure why. Not gonna question it and not gonna get excited over my quick weight loss. Nope."

The thing is, I can almost see myself going back to my ED, but still I'm lying to myself at the same time. I tell myself it's different this time because I'm not actively *trying* to do anything. But that's how we fall back into old habits. They say it's a battle that sticks with you, I said that was bullshit and I had won my battle. I don't think we should underestimate our demons. They can come back at any time. We just have to notice and tame them before they spiral again.

Yet, I don't want to. I know that I was happier not worrying about food and not worrying about my weight, but there's something so damn alluring about eating less and seeing the numbers shrink. And I tell myself that if I just *casually* allow this to happen, it won't be like the times before. It won't hurt me because I'd be in control this time. Haha, oh the irony.

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[Rant/Rave] I bought myself a fitted top for the first time in months. Proceed to overeat. Go me. (and need advice for over the next 3 days)
/u/smokesanddietcokes [Everybody's Fool]
Created: Thu Dec 1 13:49:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fz2ac/i_bought_myself_a_fitted_top_for_the_first_time/
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I have a Christmas party coming up in a couple of weeks, so I thought I'd make an effort with my outfit. I picked a skirt, some nice tights, I have my boots, I just needed a top. I decided to be brave and buy something fitted, breaking my months-long streak of only wearing baggy clothes that hide my body - minimum three sizes too big for me (besides leggings, they need to stay up!). I managed to find a lovely top in the charity shop for £3.50. Fitted, black, low-neck long sleeve top in lovely material. It was flattering and fitted, but not so revealing as to scare me.

I don't know what happened then, but I came home and.. ate. Not binge eating, and technically I havn't 'overeaten' in terms of a normal intake - just compared to what I wanted. I wanted to keep it below 500kcal, looks like I'm finishing the day on around 1400 unless I can resist my planned meal tonight (I wont be able to..)

It was really important to me to keep it as low as possible today because Friday, Saturday and Sunday I have three days of celebrations and being around tasty food. Anniversary with my partner where we are going out to eat, going to see my step-mother singing at an outside concert with food (AND my Dad will be watching with me, and he really, really, really likes to see me 'eat well'... he's a pusher, thinks Im too skinny), and also a Christmas fair. Fair food. Groan.

I'm trying to tell myself all is not lost. I can resist overeating at these things. I can fall back on my plan of keeping any tasty treats I really can't resist for Sunday night - keeping the overeating to just *one* night, which means the calories will be curbed and excess thrown or saved for another day, because thankfully even when I binge on tasty treats I do stop when I'm full (and I'm not experiencing any extreme hunger at the moment, so even if it would be a lot in one go, it wouldn't be hugely huge... better a lot in one go on one occasion, than a lot in one go on mutiple..).

But I am so scared. What if I don't manage that? What if I gain weight this weekend that I don't manage to lose in time for the Xmas party in a couple of weeks, and the top I bought JUST TODAY looks horrible? Like a stuffed sausage..

Any advice to help me not go crazy at the treats the next couple of days? I'm happy to eat at maintenance or a little over, totally, that's my aim.. but I am so worried it will be thousands and thousands of surplus cals. I don't really know what I'm asking I guess. I know what I need to do, I'm just really afraid of myself at the moment. My issue mainly is that I will be around food and have an 'excuse' to get food that I NEVER let myself have usually... I'm trying to pick foods that arn't available to me often and only let myself 'treat myself' with those.

Help me stick to maintenance :( Argh.

God guys why do I do this. Any of this. I just wanted to look nice in the top I bought and it's like I can already see that after this weekend, it's not going to fit well for the party.

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[Goal] To hold myself accountable
/u/Skinnystems
Created: Thu Dec 1 13:19:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fyw0o/to_hold_myself_accountable/
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[removed]

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So frustrating!!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 1 13:00:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fyrxc/so_frustrating/
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[deleted]

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[Tip] [Tip] Prozac, Citalopram, SSRIs, Appetite, Weight Gain
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 1 12:26:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fykc7/tip_prozac_citalopram_ssris_appetite_weight_gain/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I've only been awake for three hours and I've already binged...
/u/Fanashit [5'4" |135 | 23.63 | -50lbs | GW 120 | UGW 98 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 1 12:12:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fyhbg/ive_only_been_awake_for_three_hours_and_ive/
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I'm so mad at myself. I'm so disgusting, I'm bloated and fat and I know part of it is my stomach issue that makes my weight fluctuate massively but at the doctor yesterday I weighed in at 138.4 (137.2 naked) and it made me nauseous. Then I binged. And today I woke up and immediately binged and I'm afraid to weigh myself because I can't stand the idea of ever seeing 140 on the scale again but I think I will if I weigh myself today. I need to stop, I need to fast again. I'm ordering new e-juice (a flavor I've been lusting after forever) and I bought a bunch more coffee. I found a keurig at the thrift store for $10 and with a reusable filter and about ten pounds of coffee, I should be good for a while.

The doctor yesterday was concerned about my weight loss which makes zero sense at all? I'm literally obese by body fat percentage.

I'm just so mad at myself. I ate two huge turkey wings cooked with mushrooms and onions and barbeque sauce. It sounds so simple but they were massive (package said 1.78lbs raw but idk how much the bones weigh) and ugh.

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Are there any drugs to make you vomit?
/u/Chaosncalculation [5'4" | bulimic whale | -7 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 1 10:57:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fy0sp/are_there_any_drugs_to_make_you_vomit/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Cheez its dipped in butter though?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 1 10:55:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fy0eq/cheez_its_dipped_in_butter_though/
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The things binges make me do. I woke up this morning to see a tub of butter and a box of cheez its next to my bed and remembered that during a binge I dipped cheez its into butter, got large chunks, and ate them. Like what? Wtf? I feel sick even writing this.

You may have seen my post yesterday about my struggles with bingeing. Well, I did binge.

I'm back at it today though 100% and feeling great.

Just....ew, ya know? Ew.

Hope you guys are doing well today and if not, tomorrow is a new day ok? <3

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[Other] Small victories
/u/bitterorbetter [5'5| 145| 24.1 | -15 | F19]
Created: Thu Dec 1 10:50:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fxz5w/small_victories/
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I've been incredibly sick with the flu for the past two days and it's been so hard to restrict(I try to stay under 700). And I haven't bought medicine because I didn't want to consume all the extra calories. On top of that, my flu hasnt made me throw up at all , so it's not even like I'm losing extra calories. But last night I went to CVS to buy Tylenol for my fever, and I was feeling so shitty that I picked up some gummy worms. I held them in my hand and fought with myself and then walked to the register to pay for them because my logic was that since I'm sick I needed something to make me feel better. But then I walked by some crackers and decided that I would get them instead because they were lower calorie. I was waiting in line for the register and I saw a mini pack of gummy worms and thought that I would get those instead because they were much less calories. I was in the middle of paying when I put the gummy worms down and I walked out of CVS with only the Tylenol.it may seem small but it was such a big victory for me to have picked up and put down three different things that would have ruined my day eating wise. Especially since I felt so shitty and wanted comfort food. It's the little things that make me happy :)

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[Rant/Rave] I love it when people I don't know is concerned about me
/u/alreadycrushed
Created: Thu Dec 1 10:48:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fxypl/i_love_it_when_people_i_dont_know_is_concerned/
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I was just chilling after class, playing with the wrapper of a protein bar. Was talking to this dude, he asks me if that's all I ate for lunch. I say yeah and add that I had a big breakfast. He asked me how I'm not hungry and I just shrugged.

Guy walks up to me, asks if I wanna go to burger king with him and the boys. I say no and he tells me that if I ain't got no money, he'll pay. I tell him I'm a vegetarian, he leaves me to be.

I haven't eaten all day, just sitting playing on my phone. Dude asks me if I'm not gonna get anything, I tell him I don't have any cash. He offers to pay for me. Tells him I'm broke, he don't care, it's important that I eat, according to him.

I don't know why, but this makes me feel so thin. The fact that people are caring for me and nurturing me. The fact that they're actually giving me food. That I eat little enough, that their interpretation of me is 'should be fed'

I'm a bit fucked, but feels good nevertheless.

Edit: *are not 'is' in the title. Didn't notice till I posted. Oh well.

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[Help] [discussion / help] How do you binge? How do you stop yourself from binging?
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 54.4 kg | 19.98 cuz im petty | 18 f]
Created: Thu Dec 1 09:23:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fxgef/discussion_help_how_do_you_binge_how_do_you_stop/
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whenever i binge it's not because it's uncontrollable. i carefully plan it. i tell myself, "this time it won't be like that. you do not have an eating disorder, it is normal to eat like this." sometimes i don't even think badly of it, i'm just like, hm, i want some chocolate. like a normal person

i buy my thing, i eat it. immediately after i will go full panic mode. i cry, i scream, curl up. completely out of control mess. i tried to throw up today, but luckily i didn't (thanks, emetophobia)

all that aside, i'm calming down now, finally.

what are your "binge stories"? how do you binge? is it different from binge to binge? those of you who have, how did you overcome binging?

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[Rant/Rave] I got THE BEST compliment last night from my husband
/u/coffeecoffeecoffee90 [5'5" | CW: 129 | GW: 120 | -30 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 1 08:55:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fxaff/i_got_the_best_compliment_last_night_from_my/
---
Last night we were cuddling after sex and he told me I looked skinny. I was so excited but he knows about my eating habits so I think maybe it wasn't an intentional compliment. I asked him to elaborate and he said that when we're intimate he can feel my bones more and that I feel fragile and that he might break something. I'm into rough sex so new life goal is to be so delicate and fragile that he breaks my arm or something (not really but kinda).

All joking aside, he told me that he actually thought I was too skinny and that I looked better a few pounds ago. I'm not hurt by this at all because we are very honest with each other and I'm not losing weight for anyone but myself, but I'm aware that I've had body dysmorphia before I even knew what it was so I do trust his opinion.

The only thing I'm sad about so far was how small my boobs have gotten and I'm aware he's sad about that too. I've always been on the chubby side so I guess I never knew he liked his ass a little fat ;)

I still feel like I have weight to lose but now my eating (or lack of really) is getting in the way of my fitness goals and is starting to affect my marriage in multiple ways. I hated how much I ate when I was maintaining for most of this month but maybe it's all out of my system and I won't end up bingeing again.

I don't really know why I'm making this post or what I'm expecting to get out of it but it helps to write it out. I guess I have some decisions to make about where to go from here. I feel like I've been on the edge of spiraling down for the past few months and I know I should try and maintain but it's scary. I also know the longer I do this to myself the longer it's going to take to get better, if I ever completely come back from it. I just feel like I have nothing to show for my life sometimes and losing weight is a goal I know I can achieve despite conflicting outside factors. I'm not going to turn this into a sad monologue about my life because part of me knows it's all in my head. But shit.

---

[Discussion] Monthly (and yearly) goals!
/u/woollyshirt
Created: Thu Dec 1 08:13:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fx1zt/monthly_and_yearly_goals/
---
Did any of you set November goals? Did you achieve them? Have you set December goals? I want to know! :D It might be worth starting to think about new year's resolutions too in case anything you decide on needs preparation!

I've decided to give veganuary a go next year (but getting a head start now) as well as committing to maintaining for 2017. It feels weird but it's medically necessary, as I'm due to have surgery in 2017 (pls don't fuck me up any more NHS)

As for December...my goal is to not cry when eating with family, which is something I'm going to have to do a couple of times this month. Rational brain also says no fasting this month but I'm not sure I'll stick to that. I've got one day of fasting allowed so far to compensate for potential christmas discomfort.

Did any of you set 2016 goals too? Mine was to feel happier with my body this year, and after losing 77lbs this year I can definitely say I am happier in some sense. I find more comfort in food and my body than before but I just traded one form of disordered eating for another, really.

---

[Discussion] Period questions
/u/tortaway [154cm | CW:48.5 | GW:45 | -9.5 | F]
Created: Thu Dec 1 07:19:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fws62/period_questions/
---
Did you lose your period? Were you underweight when it happened? How much were you restricting or whatever you were doing? Did it just stop or what?

I'm a couple weeks late and I'm freaking out.

---

115 by January?
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Thu Dec 1 07:15:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fwreg/115_by_january/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] Why am I not losing even when I'm heavily restricting?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 1 06:45:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fwmbo/why_am_i_not_losing_even_when_im_heavily/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Figuring out my binge triggers
/u/The_Specialist_says [5'10'' |CW 181.6|-6.4| GW 140 | GW 120|F]
Created: Thu Dec 1 06:21:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fwipj/figuring_out_my_binge_triggers/
---
So last night despite having dinner I ate potato chips, fries and chicken nuggets from McDonald's, and some chipotle I had left from my buy one get one free coupon. I work nights so I had the pleasure of feeling gross and full all night. I ate all this stuff in my car so my coworker wouldn't see me.

I haven't binged this hard in a while and I think the its due to some residual childhood self esteem issues that are exacerbated when I see my mom for extended periods of time. I'm also applying to grad school and I feel really behind even tho the application isn't due till may. Also I'm turning 24 tomorrow and I wish I was better looking when naked. Oh yea finals are coming up too. My weight hasn't moved much. I keep going up and down and its killing me. I just wish I could stop it all together.

I wish I had a normal schedule so I can be asleep and not tempted to eat and I could work out and lose weight like I did fairly easily when I graduated.

---

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support December 01, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Dec 1 05:08:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fw8c0/weekly_emotional_support_december_01_2016/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 01, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Dec 1 05:08:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fw8bg/daily_food_diary_december_01_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for December 01, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] Can't see any difference?
/u/theworldsbestboy
Created: Thu Dec 1 02:10:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fvnl9/cant_see_any_difference/
---
So, unrelated to anything with my ED, I was in the hospital this week. When they took me in they asked me how much I weighed. I always avoid scales until I think I am around 120. The last time I was weighed was at the doctor in mid-Septemeber and I weighed 145 which was really high for me. I told them 130 because I couldn't admit 140 but later when I was admitted from the ER they weighed me and the nurse told me I was 118! I couldn't believe it. I hadn't eaten anything in days (no appetite before and was put on a clear liquid diet while in the hospital) so when I got home I looked in the mirror and thought my stomach actually did look ok and maybe I had lost some weight. But later I ate a few spoonfuls of soup and rice and looked at my stomach and felt absolutely disgusting. I have lost 27 pounds since mid-September but I literally can't even see a difference. My ideal weight is 100 but I usually stay around 120 so maybe that's why I feel just as fat as I did at 145? does anyone else experience this? Is this body dysmorphia or just how my body holds fat? Hopefully it will help me loose these last 20 lbs though!

---

[Discussion] Would you rather have giant boobs or be really skinny?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Dec 1 01:02:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fvg3c/would_you_rather_have_giant_boobs_or_be_really/
---
[removed]

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[Other] subscribing to fatlogic for thinspo?
/u/girlinamber [5'6 | too much | not enough | nb]
Created: Wed Nov 30 23:42:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fv6aa/subscribing_to_fatlogic_for_thinspo/
---
it reminds me how much normal people hate fat people and gives me a little extra strength to try and be smaller. i don't want anybody hating me, so i'm trying really hard to make sure i'm at least a couple more pounds lighter come christmas/the new year.

---

[Rant/Rave] Thing I hate most about being "skinny"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 30 23:27:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fv49i/thing_i_hate_most_about_being_skinny/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Types of exercise (x-post)
/u/thebroco
Created: Wed Nov 30 23:04:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fv11x/types_of_exercise_xpost/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] how do you guys run hungover without eating beforehand?
/u/yikes_dot_com [5'6 | 111 | 17.9 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 30 22:57:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fuzvu/how_do_you_guys_run_hungover_without_eating/
---
so my anxiety is through the fucking roof right now because some friends invited me out for saturday--which would have been great because I do my weekly long run saturday mornings and then am bored throughout the rest of the day/night so more likely to binge--BUT then they moved it to friday, which is really fucking annoying because it means I'm gonna have to run 7 miles hungover the next morning without having eaten breakfast first (I like to eat *after* I run so I feel like I deserve it lol).

a couple weeks ago the same thing happened (going out friday attempting to run saturday) and it was horrible like I had such a bad stitch in my side I could barely make it a mile without stopping to walk, even though I hadn't eaten anything, wtf?

anyway like I said I'm super super super anxious about this so if anyone has any tips (besides staying hydrated obviously) they would be much appreciated xo

---

[Help] weight gain advice?
/u/katerinavlaas
Created: Wed Nov 30 22:25:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fuv2i/weight_gain_advice/
---
I've been ~recovering~ from a binge that ended up placing me at 1500 cals for that day
so the days succeeding it I restricted pretty well below but have ended up binging again (this time compulsively 8 jello cups, thats a first)

my question is, how many times or days eating over your regular limit (currently max 1000) does it take till you gain real weight?
I can have crazy water weight (once 10lbs worth) but it's still scary to see...
If it helps I haven't been eating over my TDEE but consistently for the last few days I've eaten up to 500 over my regular intake.

I know that one binge day doesn't do much but consistently eating over even a little is going to have some impact right? This was all triggered by an invitation to a Greek friend's party which I Know will be jam packed with food so I was attempting to accommodate in advance.

Thank you for any answers, comments or guidance you can give - I really appreciate it :)

---

[Help] I ate to prove to myself I'm not disordered
/u/foldedpapercranes [5'6'' | 105lbs | bmi 17| F]
Created: Wed Nov 30 21:31:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fum63/i_ate_to_prove_to_myself_im_not_disordered/
---
Please help.

So I've kinda been denying that I have a problem but I realized I've gone too far when:
- I started feeling guilty about eating. To the point I don't enjoy it.
- I started skipping meals to make up for overeating.
- Looking at thinspo and feeling jealous of skinnier girls. Joining this sub.
- Constant fear of gaining weight.
-stealing vyvanse from my bf.

BUT: I don't hate my body. I don't think I'm fat. I just want to lose weight because I think I'll look better thinner. Maybe I'm in denial but I want to believe that I can stop losing weight any time I want.

Tonight I wasn't hungry for dinner ( because of caffeine probably) but my boyfriend wanted to go out to eat. I wanted to skip dinner but I was scared that doing so would mean I truly did have an ED. So I overate. I didn't even enjoy the food even though it was my favorite. I literally ate just to prove to myself that I could still eat and I dont have a problem. Now I feel like I have to skip meals tomorrow to make up for it.

Has anyone else eaten just to act "not disordered"?

On mobile, sorry mods no flair :(

---

[Discussion] Can my ED be related to my depression?
/u/alreadycrushed
Created: Wed Nov 30 20:42:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fudjt/can_my_ed_be_related_to_my_depression/
---
I'm attempting to recover right now and holy fuck, I'm miserable. I haven't smoked for five days now, I used to chain smoke. I'm literally so exhausted and sad, I can't even prematurely die any longer. Holy fuck, it's getting bad. I'm like a depression diagnosis answer sheet.

I go to bed at seven and wake up at 1 AM. I haven't talked to my friends in forever. Not even YouTube or bloody EATING is enjoyable anymore. Neither is not-eating though. Lol, it's 4:30 and I'm bored out of my mind.

I want to lay in my bed and die forever. I want to leave my dysfunctional fucking family behind, and live in a house with just me, a TV, lots of energy drinks, and no food. What's the point of fucking living if I'm completely numb and nothing is enjoyable?

If I weren't such a pussy, I'd be crushed beneath a train now, lol.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else have triggering environments that make no sense?
/u/edgy-af
Created: Wed Nov 30 19:57:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fu57y/anyone_else_have_triggering_environments_that/
---
(Sorry, on mobile, can't flair) I live between two houses right now, and at one, I'm never hungry, and at the other, I literally binge close to daily. Of course there is different food in each house but I feel different in each place. Ahhh. Anyone know how I can try to feel normal and not super binge-y all the time? Breaking habit is so hard :( esp when you don't have a grip on what's really happening.

---

[Help] Why is my face flushing????
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 30 19:52:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fu4bu/why_is_my_face_flushing/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Thank you, random coincidence, for stopping a binge!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 30 19:21:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ftynu/thank_you_random_coincidence_for_stopping_a_binge/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Hello Darkness My Old Friend
/u/throwythrowabq
Created: Wed Nov 30 19:09:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ftwks/hello_darkness_my_old_friend/
---
Went to my first family event where nobody commented on how skinny I looked (Thanksgiving) and the guy I've been dating (and acting like a girlfriend to) for 3 months asked me to be his girlfriend only if it can be an open relationship. So, yeah, I am not hungry.

---

[Rant/Rave] "You're okay with bigger boobs, right?" umm NO!!!
/u/Sososmall [5'4 | CW 122 | 21.91 | UGW 90 | 18F]
Created: Wed Nov 30 19:05:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ftvuv/youre_okay_with_bigger_boobs_right_umm_no/
---
I have this thing called primary amenorrhea. It basically means I've never had a period (even though I'm 18). All signs suggest it's for autoimmune reasons.
Anyways, the doctor decided to up my estrogen medication so I'll get my first period and said it'll make my breasts larger/cause overall weight gain. I kinda laughed it off talking about how big boobs run in the family, but inside I was screaming.
I can't gain any weight. I already weigh as much as my boyfriend does, who is the same height. His jeans fit me perfectly. I was finally willing to work on my food mindset. But knowing I'm going to gain weight even if I eat well has definitely worsened this persistent ED mindset.
Looks like it's back to numbers, fasting for days, and eating in front of a mirror every night. *sigh*

---

[Rant/Rave] Forced myself to eat a lot after eating a total of 300 calories over 3 days
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| fatty | GW 145 | -32.6lbs | 25F]
Created: Wed Nov 30 18:48:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ftskw/forced_myself_to_eat_a_lot_after_eating_a_total/
---
My heart is racing and I'm really regretting what I just did.

I could have kept going and just not ate but that scared me because I almost passed out getting my daughter a bottle of milk.

I crammed maybe 900 calories in one sitting and I feel like I'm having a heart attack?

I don't recommend doing anything like this after an extensive period of time without normal portions for a few days.

This feeling is very concerning and i have a strong stomach so purging is a no go. Should I take an ambien?? That's all I have since they stopped my Ativan:(

---

[Help] Low thyroid
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 30 18:44:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ftrt3/low_thyroid/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Not necessarily related to my disordered eating
/u/Skinnystems
Created: Wed Nov 30 18:38:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ftqm4/not_necessarily_related_to_my_disordered_eating/
---
Tried to talk to my SO tonight about how I've been feeling depressed lately. I used to be extremely depressed and pulled myself out of it without meds and only personal will power and spirituality. He called me up and I was going for something as simple as "Everything is going to be okay, I can't fully understand what you're going through, but I'm here if you need me." And perhaps some confidence boosting and reassuring words of affirmation and instead I got "I'm just not understanding. Maybe you need to go get medication. Maybe try taking your mind off of things, like go play a game or something."

That's not how this whole depression thing works, buddy. I guess I was just looking for a little more nurturing and he's not good at that. So now I feel worse.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm a mess
/u/scaredalternate [5'5'' | 163 | GW 160 | UGW 120 | -57lbs | M]
Created: Wed Nov 30 18:34:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ftpqn/im_a_mess/
---
My self control has completely gone out of the window being around my boyfriend. At this rate I won't reach my goal of 155 by the time I see my family again January 5th. So far I have gone over 24 hours without eating and since I won't see him tomorrow it can be 48 hours.

I want to have the appearance of a tiny person who is strong enough to resist the temptation of food that is around and I will be exactly that as I refuse almost all food around my boyfriend and his family this weekend.

I need to hold MYSELF accountable because I know how terrible I feel being stuck at the same weight for 2 weeks because I got off track for a bit. I'm not allowing myself over 300 calories each day this week.

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[Other] (M) Not sure what to make of myself, but I think I've found the right place to ask
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 30 18:31:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ftp7j/m_not_sure_what_to_make_of_myself_but_i_think_ive/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] People are just now noticing that I've lost weight [rant]
/u/cinamintoast [5'7" | 171 | 26.69 | -99lb | F]
Created: Wed Nov 30 18:17:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ftmlt/people_are_just_now_noticing_that_ive_lost_weight/
---
6 months ago I weighed 270 lb. I'm now hovering around 180. That's almost 100 lb. And people are *just now* noticing that I've lost weight. I have never really gotten many comments about it then suddenly this week everyone has been asking "have you lost some weight?" like it's not even obvious they have to ask. I thought it was just my body dysmorphia leading me to think I look exactly the same as when I started but apparently I'm so fat that even after losing 90 lb it's still barely noticeable.

---

[Thinspo] Any thinspo movies/documentaries?
/u/eillenosam
Created: Wed Nov 30 18:03:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ftjpo/any_thinspo_moviesdocumentaries/
---
Can anyone suggest any movies or documentaries about eating disorders that are good for thinspiration? Especially if they're on YouTube. Thank you!! :)

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[Rant/Rave] I don't know what to do.
/u/jeanisdead
Created: Wed Nov 30 17:23:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ftbvo/i_dont_know_what_to_do/
---
I was so good for so long. I was eating a normal, adequate amount of food and losing weight the right way. I reached my goal weight in about 8 months. Now, i'm back to purging 1-2x per week because I don't know what I fucking want anymore.

I typically don't post here, but the ED recovery subs are dry as fuck. I just feel so weak and stupid. I will eat pretty high calorie, high protein, low carb, and be fine for a few days. Then I snap. My head screams "what the FUCK are you doing?!" and I will eat a few pieces of bread and wind up purging the rest of the day.

I am 5'2.5" and struggle immensely with my stature. Anything over 105 is massive. But I didn't like the way I looked in the 90s? I want to be tiny. I want to lose fat & gain muscle! I want to be nothing. I want to have a nice butt like those product pushing hookers on instagram! I want to be delicate. I want to be strong.

I don't know what I want anymore, and I feel like there's this super fine line i'm walking. It doesn't take much for someone my height and weight to look emaciated one day, and chubby the next.
I'm so frustrated and lost. I guess I just needed to vent. My therapist has been pushing me to get a gym membership. Maybe starting a lifting routine will solve all my problems. It would make me more comfortable with my preferred high calorie high protein low carb diet.

This is turning into a journal entry rant, so i'm going to leave it at that. Thanks for reading, and hopefully you're having a better night than I.

---

[Discussion] My favorite snack that is probably going to kill me
/u/Castoroilexperiment [5'6 | 105 | 29F| 17.68]
Created: Wed Nov 30 17:00:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ft703/my_favorite_snack_that_is_probably_going_to_kill/
---
I cannot advocate that anyone else eat this since it is raw eggs. I'm just going to say that I eat this A LOT and it's and delicious, it makes me full to the point of being sick for hours (and I can eat a lot.)

I did a lot of experimenting with meringue cookies with sugar substitutes. None of them were satisfactory. They all got flat or burned, and I don't like leaving the oven on for hours.

I just started eating the raw meringue. It's like ice cream or whip creamish. It is delicious.


5 or 6 egg whites, liquid no calorie sweetener of choice, a pinch of salt, cream of tarter and vanilla extract. Whip the shit out of it until it's huge and white and fluffy. Eggs are 59 cents a dozen at the Aldi by my house, so it's also very cheap.


It's a little over 100 calories and it literally makes a ton. A TON. I am painfully full for hours when I make 6 egg whites worth. It is raw eggs though, so pick your battles. Consume at your own risk.

---

[Thinspo] I think i figured out the only thing i'm good at is making thinspo albums
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | 104 | 19.0 | Ugw: 85 |19f]
Created: Wed Nov 30 15:47:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fssex/i_think_i_figured_out_the_only_thing_im_good_at/
---
[so, please, enjoy this one.](http://imgur.com/a/stRS7)

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] In treatment for the first time in 15 years.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 30 13:58:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fs4uw/rant_in_treatment_for_the_first_time_in_15_years/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] What's an EC Stack?
/u/sprinkle1997 [5'2 | CW 129 GW 100 | -25 lbs | 19F]
Created: Wed Nov 30 13:46:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fs28e/whats_an_ec_stack/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] [Discussion] My dad called yesterday to ask me if I was anorexic based on the pictures he's seen on Facebook.
/u/zoeglowey [5'2" | 104 | BMI 19 | - 23 | Female]
Created: Wed Nov 30 12:52:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5frqj0/discussion_my_dad_called_yesterday_to_ask_me_if_i/
---
I don't know how I feel about this. How did you feel when (if?) your parents confronted you?

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[Help] I'm having a strong craving.
/u/isolatedfugue
Created: Wed Nov 30 12:21:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5frjqp/im_having_a_strong_craving/
---
I am really craving spice cake right now. My grandmother used to make it when I was little, and it reminds me of a time before I ever knew suffering or tragedy.

I'm alone right now and I feel like I might make a whole cake and eat it all, but if I could figure out something to make with just the spices that wouldn't leave me feeling bad. Like a couple tiny cookies? I don't know.

I think I'm just feeling really sad right now and have no one to turn to. It's the first Christmas without my favourite aunt who died. I miss her. We talked on the phone every other day and she was my rock.

---

[Rant/Rave] "You look so much better"
/u/thebluehammock
Created: Wed Nov 30 11:12:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fr4o0/you_look_so_much_better/
---
Would usually make me feel good about myself right? Not so much if it is followed by: "you are so skinny you were starting to look sick. You look better with more weight on." Ugh!! It's "only" 5lbs but I get this comment and my period returns. Somehow I still fit a girls size 14 in designer jeans (go go thrift store) but I feel like a cow. Sigh. Hoping to lose this 5, maybe 5 more and stopping there. Wish me luck. This is just never ending. I hope I get it under control before my daughter is old enough to understand what's going on 😢.

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[Rant/Rave] "I haven't eaten all day"
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 112.2 18.18 | 22F]
Created: Wed Nov 30 10:41:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fqxz0/i_havent_eaten_all_day/
---
False.

You literally have no idea what it means "not to eat all day." Coworkers, family, and friends use this phrase all the time, but have NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT IT ACTUALLY MEANS.

Coworker: "Oh my gosh, I'm so hungry. I haven't eaten all day. Haha I guess I just forget."

WRONG.

So the cold press coffee with a shot of white chocolate and vanilla syrup didn't count? Because I was sitting right here while you sipped it. How about the applesauce you snacked on? Or the fun-sized snicker you grabbed from the community bowl in the lunch room? Doesn't count? Because you didn't plan it? Because it wasn't a meal that you sat down and consciously decided to eat? Honeychild. You *have* eaten all day. I have *seen* you eat all day. Your energy drink? Counts as eating. Your bag of pretzels from the vending machine? Yep. Eating. The banana you grabbed for breakfast because you were in a hurry? THAT STILL COUNTS AS BREAKFAST BECAUSE IT IS EATING.

Edit: I really didn't intend this as a statement on any of us here in this subreddit - sorry if my rant came off that way. When someone tells me that they are hungry or starving, I really don't mind. I'm not the judgmental bitch that I sound like. It's just that the statement "I haven't eaten all day" really doesn't have multiple interpretations. Either you ate or you didn't. And so many non-ed people around me use that statement to mean "I haven't had a proper sit-down meal all day" - and *that* drives me nuts. That's all - love you guys!

---

[Discussion] Your Weird Food Things
/u/stealthmode_activate [5'1 | Moo | Ugh | -78 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 30 10:35:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fqwqa/your_weird_food_things/
---
So I've known for over a decade that I have weird kitchen obsessions, mostly organizing but I've generally ignored what I actually do with my food, and every now and then I'm doing something and realize, "dude, you do that really fucking weird". Today though, prepping my mini naan pizza, I had the sudden awareness that I *individually place each piece of shredded cheese in an organized manner* like who the fuck does that?! I guess my habits aren't just organizing the cupboards and drawers, I *organize the goddamn cheese on my pizza as well* 🙄

It got me wondering what other weird-ass things I do that I haven't become aware of yet. And that got me wondering what other *food-specific* things other ED'd folk do.

(On mobile, will flare in 5mins)

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[Discussion] Does anyone else swim to burn calories?
/u/yakeiram [5'9" | 116.6 | GW 115 | 16.91 | -4 | Female]
Created: Wed Nov 30 10:34:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fqwl7/does_anyone_else_swim_to_burn_calories/
---
It's my favorite form of exercise and I've been doing it more recently, but sometimes I worry it'll give me big shoulders or thighs because that's the typical swimmer's body (as opposed to distance runners who tend to be very thin.) anyone else think about this? Do you think the calorie burn outweighs that risk?

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[Rant/Rave] Those weird things you get excited about!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 30 10:09:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fqr7o/those_weird_things_you_get_excited_about/
---
Homemade bread is actually one of my safe foods. I usually just get all purpose flour for it, But recently my mom accidentally picked up a whole wheat blend . I was a little mad because it's not what I am use to. However today I was mixing up bread for supper and noticed it's a 100 calories for a 1/3rd of cup instead of 1/4th like all purpose, Plus more fiber and vitamins! I think I have been converted to whole wheat now haha.

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[Goal] EC stack part 2
/u/erilaz- [5'7 | CW: 173 | GW: 110 | -57lbs | F]
Created: Wed Nov 30 08:53:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fqb8u/ec_stack_part_2/
---
(On mobile can't flair)

Hello all! So I haven't been on here for a hot second because November was one hell of a month. I binged and was embarrassed to come on here while gaining but I'm back and about to be better than ever!

I gained 3lbs, but considering I was eating like a glutton and not going to the gym as often I'm happy that it wasn't way worse. So I'm pretty sure the EC stack is a sustainable way to lose weight faster which is nice to know.

I went to target today and got a 60 pack of bronkaid and am going to take it twice a day with a monster zero until Christmas, with a few left over for damage control after the holidays.

I'm excited, is anyone else taking a similar route? My plan is to have a zero net everyday, with a fast thrown in once a week, and working out on days that I eat! On my last EC stack I was able to go to the gym for two hours without a problem.

Let's get motivated and be skinnier the next time family sees us ☺️ sending good vibes everyone's way!!

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[Discussion] Topamax
/u/Bad_idea_babe [5'7"| 189.8| 29.7| -14|F]
Created: Wed Nov 30 07:53:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fpzos/topamax/
---
I was on Vyvanse for binge eating, but even with insurance and a coupon it was $200 a month. My doctor switched me to topamax, but I'm scared of all the side effects. Has anyone been on it?

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[Goal] Fasting Today
/u/tattoosandcoffeee [5'4 | GW 108 | -12]
Created: Wed Nov 30 07:34:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fpwfu/fasting_today/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] Today is a binge day. It's 8:56am and I've had 520 calories so far. How are you guys today? I don't want to feel alone.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 30 07:01:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fpqm3/today_is_a_binge_day_its_856am_and_ive_had_520/
---
I was going to try to avoid it but I just gave in a got a fancy bagel with fancy cream cheese (basically a full fledged dessert for breakfast).

I'm now in that phase of binge-acceptance where I'm planning all the amazing things I'm going to indulge in today. My mind is racing and I'm having trouble focusing on anything else.

I don't know, I'm mindfucked because I feel like logically I can afford a binge day and can use the excess energy to have killer sessions at the gym all week. "It's just one day" I'm telling myself. "You've been dreaming about it for weeks" I'm telling myself.

But I'm also telling myself, "No, you'll spend so much money and feel SICK and exhausted. Don't do it. 520 is not that much if you just stop now and eat your packed fruits/almonds for the rest of the day which will be easy."

But then, I think about fucking donuts and fucking breakfast sandwiches and that logic^ flies out the window.

I'll decide how I feel after this '9:30am client's session I guess. Will I stop and get a pastry on the way to my next client? Or sip my water for the rest of the day in powerful defiance?

I have no idea.

EDIT: it has now been three hours. I didn't stop for a pastry and I only have my 2 apples, 1 banana, and 1 serving of almonds with me. My usual lunch. I don't know what the rest of the day holds but I do know that I'm FUCKING STARVING from having nothing but carbs and sugar for breakfast. The kind of insatiable, irritable, post carb crash hunger. Never worth it. So now I'm going to town on my packed fruits but at least it's my only option until 5pm at this point.

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[Rant/Rave] 3 pounds in 3 days. No calorie increase.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 30 05:53:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fpfqn/3_pounds_in_3_days_no_calorie_increase/
---
[deleted]

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[Goal] someone told me i looked tiny....
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 30 05:51:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fpff6/someone_told_me_i_looked_tiny/
---
https://i.redd.it/qxar736o7r0y.jpg

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday November 30, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Nov 30 05:08:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fp9e9/way_to_go_wednesday_november_30_2016/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for November 30, 2016.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 30, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Nov 30 05:08:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fp9dr/daily_food_diary_november_30_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 30, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Help] I need some quick help
/u/Fibreoptic_Calico
Created: Wed Nov 30 04:58:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fp7zj/i_need_some_quick_help/
---
I've been heavily restricting for a long while, and I've suddenly hit the wall where I feel so weak and nauseous and light headed. I've just had a small apple but I know I need something else. I'm don't feel like eating anything and we have very little food in the house. Eating something 'big' is just too scary.
I need something quick, with very little effort, as I'm feeling so bad. I don't know what help I expect, but I need to reach out for help as my brain won't work!

Edit: Spelling and on mobile, can't flair

---

[Rant/Rave] New Job Blues (Rant)
/u/miss_morticia [5'10" | cw: 146 | gw: 105 | 20.90 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 30 04:08:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fp1uq/new_job_blues_rant/
---
I've never worked a job that required sitting. All my previous jobs have been landscaping, food service, teaching, etc. Now I have a new job with a start-up. I'm working from home for the next 3 months or so and I work 9-9 taking calls and responding to emails. I can't even go for a walk because I don't get cell service, and my phone literally explodes all day long. I can feel my ass growing even though I'm maintaining my weight right now because I'm sitting all the time.
FML.

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[Rant/Rave] Day one of getting back on track..
/u/satanAMA [173cm (5'9) | 63kg (141lbs) | 21 | 27kg (60lbs) | F]
Created: Wed Nov 30 01:52:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fomk2/day_one_of_getting_back_on_track/
---
SO HUNGRY. Stupid cow.

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[Rant/Rave] Living a double life and fear I am losing my identity
/u/sullensirensongs [5'6" | 125 | 20.2 | -35 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 30 01:31:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fokbu/living_a_double_life_and_fear_i_am_losing_my/
---
It’s late and everyone else in the house is asleep but I am still up. Being wide awake and very stoned in the middle of the night seems have become a usual occurrence most nights now. I try to make it positive and do a bit of introspection but end up drifting and begin pondering my whole existence as usual. And tonight I am plagued with a terrible thought, all because of a look.

Today when husband looked at me for a moment I felt transparent, as if he could really see INTO me. It was the way he looked at me. He seemed sad. I have been sick with this other chronic illness for a while and it has taken its toll on me but I really try to not look ill most days. I get up and put myself together nearly every day. I get fully dressed and put makeup on even if I don’t leave the house. My husband mentions the weight loss and I know it makes him sad because when I lose weight it means I am sick from a flare up. I don’t know what I would do if he found out about the ED too. I’m lucky in a sense that my illness has severe GI symptoms that weight loss is very common so an ED isn’t a really on the radar.

I feel so guilty that he has to deal with this nightmare of an issue that I can’t bear the thought of him having to deal with this ED shit too. It is exhausting having to put up a front all the time to hide it. In a way it makes my ED worse. Maybe one day I will become so thin and unattractive he will leave me for someone he deserves? I know he loves me and he says he will never leave me…and I believe him…which is why this is so unbelievably shitty. I don’t want to hurt him, he didn’t do anything to deserve any of this. I want him to be happy. I don’t want him to look at me and try and look past me, trying to find the person I once was or someone he hopes I someday could be. And today when he looked at me, that sadness in his face made me question who he was looking at or who he was looking for. I can’t wait for this flare up to end because dealing with both issues at the same time is driving me mad. I have no one to talk to about it. Sure, I can talk about how hard the physical illness is and that seems to be hard enough for a lot of people to handle talking to me about as it’s hard to relate to someone with a strange illness. But, no one knows about the ED component. I am happy I have this community to vent to. It does help a lot to say it out loud (as a fellow member said) but it’s the anonymous side that’s venting so the feeling of relief is fragmented and muffled. So, again I am still feeling a bit lost as to who I really am anymore. Maybe I’m both. Worse, maybe I am neither.

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[Rant/Rave] Drunk me likes to sabatoge sober me
/u/iwanttoblowaway [5'9 | 126.1 | 18.29 | 21 M]
Created: Wed Nov 30 00:24:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5focl0/drunk_me_likes_to_sabatoge_sober_me/
---
It's finals week. 3 projects and a paper due by the end of the week. I basically haven't slept in 3 days. Haven't worked out in 5, and now I'm drunk and on my second brownie fml

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[Rant/Rave] struggling in college
/u/zenithchaos
Created: Wed Nov 30 00:00:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fo9cl/struggling_in_college/
---
hey, new to this thread :)

been struggling a lot since i got to college, dropped a bit of weight but panicked before going home for the thanksgiving break and gained most of it back, now struggling because i have 13 days left of school and then i will be on winter break for a month and i'm scared i won't be able to lose the weight i've gained in the next few weeks before i leave and scared i'll get in trouble (background: residential twice, PHP once, inpatient x5) as i got reprimanded when i was back for the week for my hair falling out. i'm desperate to lose more weight but my roommate has started expressing concern and i'm worried about being home so soon... i guess there's always next semester, right..? :(

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[Rant/Rave] When the laxatives don't kick in at the time they normally do.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 29 23:56:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fo8uh/when_the_laxatives_dont_kick_in_at_the_time_they/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Surprise fasting
/u/avalonrose14
Created: Tue Nov 29 22:35:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fnxhx/surprise_fasting/
---
I'm on mobile so sorry for no flair

So I've been under lots of stress lately and it happened to fall on my period and a time when I've been eating salt and acidic foods and all of that combined caused a massive breakout of canker sores. I've got around 15 scattered in my mouth and it's the most painful shit ever. It's super painful to speak and agony to eat. On top of it the breakout caused my neck lymph nodes to swell painfully so basically I have barely eaten in two days and probably will only have liquid until it the pain eases up in the next day or two.

On the bright side this gave me the boost I need and I think by the time is over I'll actually be at my next and possibly final goal weight!!!

Trying to look on the bright side because this pain is hell. (All the pain is also causing me to grind my teeth which just adds onto the fun).

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[Discussion] DNE feel like this when looking at /r/progresspics
/u/shceli
Created: Tue Nov 29 22:33:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fnx4g/dne_feel_like_this_when_looking_at_rprogresspics/
---
I feel like I look so much bigger/fatter than people who are 20+ heavier. They all look so good and I feel like I'm just destined to look fat because I have a chubby, round face whatever my weight is

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT] Eating Disorder Lesson in AP Psychology
/u/fastestnerdalive
Created: Tue Nov 29 21:58:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fnrrs/rant_eating_disorder_lesson_in_ap_psychology/
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Alas, my friends, we have stumbled across the Motivation and Stress module of my AP Psych class. In the middle of this lesson is the dreaded eating disorder and body image.

I have to sit in the room and listen to my (somewhat annoying) teacher talk about how she loves food, and doesn't know how anyone could starve. Not to mention, I'll probably be hearing a lot of false information from her once we dive deeper.

The question is - do I butt in and make myself known, or just let it slide?

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[Discussion] What's in your fridge right now?
/u/diekorrekturen [5'7 | 137 | 21.5 | GW: 110 | -18 | 20F]
Created: Tue Nov 29 21:25:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fnmeq/whats_in_your_fridge_right_now/
---
I finally got around to cleaning today and realized my fridge looked pretty bare. I had: 2 sticks of butter, plain non-fat greek yogurt, miso paste, and 1 pomegranate.

Now that I'm at uni I barely keep food on me and just sporadically buy small snacks when I get desperate--or order takeout and binge :^)

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[Discussion] Which public bathroom have you thrown up the most in?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 29 20:41:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fndz2/which_public_bathroom_have_you_thrown_up_the_most/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Hitting a rough patch
/u/Artsychic2000 [5'6" | CW: 130 UGW: 120 | 21.0]
Created: Tue Nov 29 20:33:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fncnw/hitting_a_rough_patch/
---
Hey guys, the last few weeks have not been proud ones for me... I felt like I was doing so well and now suddenly I find myself binging in the evenings almost every night. On top of that, I thought my purging days were over but I've purged twice in the last two weeks and I'm afraid that the old habit is coming back. It seems so innocent once or twice, but I know from experience the damage it does on teeth and I hate the dizzy feeling I have for the rest of the day after a purge episode. I just feel so cold all the time... I always want to either be in a hot bath or in front of the fire place. And when I'm this cold, it just makes me want to eat way more than I should and it feels so comforting to snuggle up with netflix and something salty like chips or crackers and then I feel like shit. But I just need to pick myself up right? I am trying to let it go and be easy on myself. It's winter in Minnesota and the holiday season and if I only slip up a few times, that's better then a full on self hatred spiral. No weight gain as of yet, but I'm not going to test my luck with that. Any advice on how I can avoid the late night cravings? It usually is after dinner right before bed (sometimes in bed. god I'm disgusting...)

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[Goal] Made it 48 hours broke on a pickle
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| fatty | GW 145 | -32.6lbs | 25F]
Created: Tue Nov 29 20:21:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fnamm/made_it_48_hours_broke_on_a_pickle/
---
And I have a lot of anxiety about finishing a bowl of melted cheese with salsa verde that's probably around 400 calories. I want to throw it away...
I just finished a 48 hour fast...
Fuck I hate wasting food...

I ate a slice of pickle.. And I'm about to have a cigarette...that's enough right? ._.;;

Also I'm very thankful for such a supportive subreddit, love you guys <33

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[Discussion] How do models get so thin?
/u/aggressivedoughnut
Created: Tue Nov 29 20:09:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fn89t/how_do_models_get_so_thin/
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And they all seem so healthy doing it. The description of their diets doesn't match up with what has to be hardcore restriction.

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[Rant/Rave] My friend told me today I'm "obsessed with calories"
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | GW:115 | -16 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 29 20:08:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fn87r/my_friend_told_me_today_im_obsessed_with_calories/
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Because I wouldn't eat at a Japanese restaurant with them for lunch because I wasn't hungry.

I'm so tired of getting lectured every fucking day about my eating habits. Literally 3 of my friends will gang up on me and tell me how I *have* to eat even if I'm not hungry because it's bad for my metabolism. No, friends. That's why y'all are obese and overweight. Geeze.

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[Rant/Rave] I think today just may end up being the first time I'm fasting since going to treatment in June.
/u/star-of-morning [5'1" | no clue | went to treatment | send help]
Created: Tue Nov 29 19:46:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fn475/i_think_today_just_may_end_up_being_the_first/
---
My SO (who also has an ED) has been out of the house all day, much to my dismay. She was supposed to finish her block of chores today since our apartment is a mess and I finished my chores yesterday and the day before. She's decided to spend all day with her aunt and uncle, which really pissed me off, because originally she wasn't supposed to go over there today period (she gets paid to do medical billing for them). Then, she said she was going to be there for 1-2 hours. Now she's had dinner with them and is sitting in a theatre about to watch a movie with them.

Anyways, she says she needed to spend time with them/be away from me because her therapy session this morning was heavy and she didn't want to be in a bad mood around me since we've been fighting a lot. She decided to wait over half the day before dropping this on me. So, as you can imagine, I'm pissed for a multitude of reasons.

But there is a silver lining to this: I get to not eat! I've staged the apartment to look like I had eaten - a frying pan is in the drying rack, an empty Ensure bottle is in the recycling bin...I've even put a clean plate and utensils in the dishwasher. I feel like a terrible person because I'm doing so much to lie to my girlfriend that I've eaten. But then part of me feels OK about it because (I feel like) she was kind of selfish with her actions today. And then another part of me that has that high from restricting/fasting back. I haven't felt this good since before I went to treatment.

Anyways, I just felt like sharing that with someone. Shitty day turned out to be not so bad.

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Something I need to just get off my chest
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 29 19:37:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fn2h3/something_i_need_to_just_get_off_my_chest/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Calorie Counts and Purging
/u/eatdrinksmokegreen [5'4" | 133 lbs | 23.2 | -37 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Nov 29 18:08:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fmm4f/calorie_counts_and_purging/
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So... How do you guys track calories if you have binge/purge episodes when you're trying to restrict?? Today was rough..

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[Rant/Rave] dae feel like they deserve this...
/u/daeboo [5ft1/79lbs]
Created: Tue Nov 29 17:55:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fmjuw/dae_feel_like_they_deserve_this/
---
All the hair loss, the malnutrition, the chubby cheeks, etc, etc. I feel guilty complaining about all the things that b/p has done to me because I brought it on myself. I didn't have abusive situations or bullying or even depression. I had a great family and a great circumstances in life and yet...

I fucked everything up and brought everything, the bulimia, the cutting, the side effects, the scarring, I brought it all on myself. I'm here as a result of my own shittiness and I take responsibility for my own misery.

Aaand I'll wake up tomorrow morning and make myself even more miserably :)

---

[Help] Neck lymph nodes
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 29 17:43:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fmhhw/neck_lymph_nodes/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant?) 8-hour Diet
/u/isolatedintrovert [155cm | CW: 44kg | GW: 41 | UGW: 38 | 19.12 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 29 16:58:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fm8zt/rant_8hour_diet/
---
Possible food/eating triggers. That might be a given, and I don't know how else to describe it. My apologies. Also, on mobile so I can't flair properly.

So, the other day my husband invited several of our friends from college (almost all were guys) over for a game-watching party. There was alcohol, sushi, pizza...the works. I contained myself to 1 slice of pizza and 4 pieces of sushi. I had one glass of alcoholic chocolate milk and 1/2 a glass of champagne. I allowed myself these because I hadn't eaten otherwise that day in anticipation. It's a lot, but I didn't want to risk questions. :/

Anyway, what really got me was listening to the others talk about this "8-hour diet" one of the guys has started. In case you don't know, it's where one can eat only for an 8-hour period each day, and in the other 16 hours, only water and black coffee are okay. Sounds pretty familiar to most of us, right?

Well, then he goes on to say that he can consume *anything* in that period. Copious amounts of pizza, beer, carbs, meats, *anything* and the others were just lapping it up. I was torn between checking myself out of the conversation and completely destroying it. I didn't have the patience to do the latter politely and most of them were staying the night, so I went with the former. If I'm being honest, I was pretty put-off and angered by it. I thought to everyone here and felt like we were being minimized somehow. Was that completely irrational of me?

On the plus side, the one other female who was there - who I often find myself mentally competing with, as she is skinny, taller, and more beautiful in practically every way - ate at least twice what I did, so I felt somewhat pleased with myself (despite also being disgusted for how much I'd consumed).

I dunno. I can't exactly rant about this to my husband, so I just had to get it out to others who may understand. Honestly, it's been several days, but the conversation has stayed with me and can be a bit triggering at times. :/

Thanks for reading this incoherent mess.

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] If only being a bitch burned calories...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 29 16:31:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fm3uc/if_only_being_a_bitch_burned_calories/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Shoutout To My Husband...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 29 16:10:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5flzsy/shoutout_to_my_husband/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] May have vomited dark blood a week or two ago
/u/charredsouls
Created: Tue Nov 29 15:57:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5flxa4/may_have_vomited_dark_blood_a_week_or_two_ago/
---
I've been purging about 3 times a week for the last 3 months. I haven't purged since last week, but was reading a forum and learned about 'coffee ground vomitus'. It's basically coagulated blood in your throw up and it clumps to look like coffee grounds. 2 times in the last month or so I have noticed darker 'pieces' of food that are semi-scattered in my vomit. When I saw it, I didn't think too much of it, especially because I think some of it was very well-digested food that typically gets darker the longer it's in your stomach. Also, based on what I was reading, diet coke or other dark diet drinks can color the food - I drink a lot of it while b/ping.

Other than those two times, I haven't had any other symptoms and I have been feeling fine the past week. Is there anything I should do about it?/Does anybody else have experience with this?

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[Rant/Rave] They told me I didn't change...
/u/TemporaryAccount_101 [5'3'' | AHAHAH | -5.5kgs | 18F]
Created: Tue Nov 29 14:49:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5flj1x/they_told_me_i_didnt_change/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] 2 day fast?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 29 13:21:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fkzz6/2_day_fast/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I've been feeling so bad lately and I can't even control myself [rant]
/u/dec4y [5'3|cw:139.8|gw:95|-25lbs|F]
Created: Tue Nov 29 13:01:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fkvjd/ive_been_feeling_so_bad_lately_and_i_cant_even/
---
Sorry in advance. I'm mostly just posting this to hold myself accountable.
I've had a really bad week, from my boyfriend making secret plans with his ex to fights with my family to nonstop overeating and crying and feeling just generally awful. So many unfortunate things have happened.
Today I've decided to do a pineapple mono after a week or two or more of eating badly (maintenance or more) so wish me luck!
I feel like doing this will at least help get me on track. Monos/restricting if I can all week unless I can pull off a fast c:
(Also sorry on mobile)

Edit: so yesterday I didn't manage to do the mono but I did eat 574 calories of pineapple, pickles, laughing cow (I really wanted something salty haha), and my morning coffee c:
Today I weighed a whopping four pounds less (probably due to the 11 cups of water I had lmao) so I planned out my meals, packed a lunch, etc, and have hope for today:,)

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[Rant/Rave] 13 month binge.
/u/lilahclover
Created: Tue Nov 29 12:47:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fksi3/13_month_binge/
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I have been binging for 13 months straight every day. I have put on over 10kg (20 ish pounds) I am seeing in laws over Christmas and I feel disgusted and disappointed in myself, which makes me want to binge more. I hate being fat. I don't know why I did this to myself,

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[Rant/Rave] I got the dreaded "you've been losing weight" comment from my mom
/u/zone66 [5'2 | CW: -_- | GW 100 | -26.5 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 29 12:28:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fkofx/i_got_the_dreaded_youve_been_losing_weight/
---
And truth be told, I was ecstatic to hear her say it. Finally someone is noticing.

My mom was with me when I bought a new food scale over the weekend and she made the comment about losing weight the day after. The thing is, she didn't seem concerned or upset. It was all *very* strange, but as long as that distracts her from other things I've gotten back into lately (xanax and self-harm) then I am fine with that.

---

[Discussion] which (related) subreddits do you frequent?
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | hw: 139 | cw: 114 | gw: 95 | 19F]
Created: Tue Nov 29 11:37:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fkd0j/which_related_subreddits_do_you_frequent/
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I'm still fairly new to reddit, but I've been getting into (viewing) more subreddits lately, and I'm wondering if y'all have any that sort of relate to you being here (like I look at cute animal pics but that's kind of irrelevant to this sub). I'll list mine if anyone is curious, but I'd love to add more if I find them interesting.

I currently go on r/loseit r/amifat r/fatlogic r/1200isplenty & r/progresspics !

and yes, I am a huge asshole for looking at things related to fat people but it fascinates/terrifies/motivates/entertains me :''')

---

[Help] Formal event in 4 days-- how do I get rid of bloat ASAP??
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 29 11:01:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fk4xb/formal_event_in_4_days_how_do_i_get_rid_of_bloat/
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[deleted]

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[Other] From PostSecret
/u/whatupmyknitta [5'2'' | too much | 30 | -12lbs| female]
Created: Tue Nov 29 10:58:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fk45w/from_postsecret/
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http://imgur.com/bZ4z4ah

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[Rant/Rave] i'm so tired of hiding
/u/kennedyconnolly [5'9| 120 | 17.4]
Created: Tue Nov 29 10:45:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fk1d7/im_so_tired_of_hiding/
---
everything is hiding. hiding my food, my extra miles after practice, my cuts and scars. fuck this.

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[Rant/Rave] Water weight is INSANE
/u/coffeecoffeecoffee90 [5'5" | CW: 129 | GW: 120 | -30 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 29 10:10:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fjtg8/water_weight_is_insane/
---
I was able to mostly maintain for ~2 weeks for the race I ran on Thanksgiving that went really well! But I was at my parents' house from Tuesday - Saturday last week and ended up bingeing every day. Great job me. Before I started maintaining I was around 125 and when I weighed myself on Sunday morning I was 128.8. I figured some of it was water weight but obviously the binges had taken their toll.

THEN yesterday morning I was 129.1 and that sparked restricting to sub 800 again with an EC stack because obviously that wasn't just water weight and actually just fat then.

This morning I wake up and I'm at 124.6. What. I'm positive I'm dehydrated right now and feel like crap but it's crazy that I pretty much peed out 4.5 lbs yesterday. I haven't even had a BM since Sunday morning (TMI sorry) so that was all just water? Also just remembered that I had my period last week and it ended Sunday so that could be a factor too.

Shit be cray! I haven't updated my flair because I don't even believe I'll be this low tomorrow morning.

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[Other] An upside to moving into an apartment I can't really afford
/u/Mrs-Schrute [5'9" | 117 lbs | 16.97 | -40 | 19F]
Created: Tue Nov 29 10:02:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fjrt7/an_upside_to_moving_into_an_apartment_i_cant/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Little steps! And some background...
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 179.6 lbs | 32.69 | -10 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Nov 29 09:24:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fjjm6/little_steps_and_some_background/
---
So, I obviously spent the entire thanksgiving break binging like CRAZY and definitely gained a solid 4 lbs. Awesome.


But, today I went back to class and student teaching and set a goal of 500 or less. I had planned out 460 total.


SUCCESS SO FAR:
I had 1/2 a tbsp of peanut butter on my toast instead of a full tbsp. 40 cal vs 80 cal. Sweet! Down to 420.

I had planned for ONE (1!!!!) Christmas cookie and then was giving the other 3 to my mentor. 90 cals. Guess what? I gave all 4 to my mentor!!! 0 cals vs 90 cals, no fucking question about it.
Down to 330.

Finally, today my mentor is group planning with her teacher team and they have a HUYUUUUGE layout of donuts, breakfast burritos, coffee, fruit, juice, and muffins. I've been asked twice if I want anything. NOPE!! Not a single bite.

So I'm current clocked in at 150 cals with my lunch being the remaining 180. Buuuut, (thank you forgetful self!) had I remembered a fork to eat my lunch? Hm.....


Today feels great so far. I plan on eating my lunch at 5 when I get done with classes, and then green tea all day and night! Maybe some chicken broth. This is a start of a new chapter, a chapter titled, "I Will Be 101 Lbs. By My Anniversary"

It's been a real fucking struggle with my psyche and depression since I went from being overweight my whole life, to 118 (my lowest weight ever) when I met my boyfriend and being super confident (not quite happy though. Depression doesn't just disappear unfortunately), to slowly ballooning up to 185 lbs over 3 years and just...letting...it...happen. I couldn't control myself. But, I can feel my self-control coming back. I had gotten down to that 118 through serious restriction and I know I can do it again.

Today proves it.

I hope yalls holidays went better than mine. Send me strength!!

---

[Discussion] How do you move past the "it's just a crash diet" phase?
/u/SolitaryOrchid [5' 11" | CW: 197 | -32 | Goal: Lose 100 lbs | M]
Created: Tue Nov 29 09:06:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fjfnp/how_do_you_move_past_the_its_just_a_crash_diet/
---
I've struggled with ED since I first started college 7 years ago with about two years of recovery sprinkled in there somewhere. So I know what the symptoms and behaviors are and I know somewhere in my head that I have an eating disorder but no matter what I do I just keep telling myself that this is only temporary and once I get to my goal weight I'll just stop. I know better from experience but I can't seem to get past the "it's only an extreme form of dieting, not a real eating disorder" mindset. I feel like an impostor here, like I'm appropriating everyone else's struggles because my brain keeps telling me I'm just going to stop once I reach my goal. I know better. I've dropped my goal weight probably 3-4 times just this month so I know it will never be low enough but I just can't move past these thoughts that it's not real. Can anyone relate? Has anyone gotten past this kind of thinking?

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[Other] I'm so hungry :(
/u/smokesanddietcokes [Everybody's Fool]
Created: Tue Nov 29 08:54:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fjd3n/im_so_hungry/
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But I can't eat. I am celebrating this weekend for three days, and I will be in a situation where wont be able to avoid eating loads - or resist the temptation even if I could wiggle my way out fo it, I know myself to well. Plus, I want to kick back and enjoy it without having to consider restricting.. aaaaand I kinda promised my partner that this weekend I would eat some stuff he's watched me want to eat for a while but refused to actually eat (he doesn't like it when he knows I want something, but I don't have it..). Sigh. As such, I need to fast as much as possible before then, because I'm gonna eat no matter what.

I can eat a little tomorrow after the gym, need that protein at least right. But damn, I am so hungry today. I know if I start now I'll just blow the whole plan and binge for the rest of the week out of panic and stress, rather than just overeat a bit the weekend as per my all important 'plan'. I've noticed I can avoid hoovering every food item I see if I just stick to what I've *planned*. Moment I break my restriction plan, I open the flood gates of extreme hunger and eat EVERYTHING. And even if I DID end up binging despite sticking to my plan, it's so much better kept to just the weekend anyway.

I wonder how other people handle this kinda thing. Non-disordered types of people, I mean.. knowing they will be in a situation where there's loads of tempting food that isn't usually available, they are possibly likely to overdo calories. How do they ever not feel guilty about eating leading up to it? Or after. Or in general I guess.

I only need to hold on until midday Friday..

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A November 29, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Nov 29 05:08:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fiah6/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_november_29_2016/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 29, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Nov 29 05:08:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fiagi/daily_food_diary_november_29_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 29, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Other] Oh, Austin, I hardly knew you but you've gotta go
/u/19thcentlord
Created: Tue Nov 29 02:10:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fhpku/oh_austin_i_hardly_knew_you_but_youve_gotta_go/
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https://i.redd.it/5b0uzrabzi0y.png

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[Help] [Question] Does planning your meals out really help?
/u/fastestnerdalive
Created: Tue Nov 29 01:03:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fhhvq/question_does_planning_your_meals_out_really_help/
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I've had some problems with fasting, and then binging recently. I've came across a couple people who like to plan out their meals and such. If anyone does, does it work for you? Any tips on how, or tips in general?

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[Intro] (TW) so I guess I'm going to air my dirty laundry to a bunch of anonymous people on line.
/u/Taiz_eyes
Created: Tue Nov 29 00:45:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fhfto/tw_so_i_guess_im_going_to_air_my_dirty_laundry_to/
---
On mobile so sorry if the format is off.

Good evening!

I hope everyone here is doing well. So, I guess I'm here because I have a budding eating disorder and my life is shit.

I was sexually assaulted multiple times by different people from ages 3 to 12 and continued to have unhealthy sexual relations into high school due to low self esteem. I have now been dating an amazing guy for about 5 years and I love him to bits. I gained what is commonly referred to as "relationship weight" and I didn't really notice too much until my dad kept gelling me to workout so I wouldn't look like my mom (who he divorced and is borderline obese) . I don't see him very often has he is super manipulative and a rotten person as a whole, but I wanted to have a healthy relationship with him so I worked out and ate right. And nothing happened, his berating got worse and my self esteem plummeted and boyfriend tried to help by saying "he loves thick girls" and he likes that I have an ass.

I went to the doc and discovered I have PCOS and Endo. So it's incredibly hard for me to lose weight. When I asked for help the doc basically said I would have to deal with it for the rest of my life.

I got sick earlier this year and I was vomiting everything and lost about 10-15 pounds. Still, after I got better, I gained it back but I was in awe that that could happen to me. I have recently began purging without really binging and I feel... light? Like a 20 pound weight was lifted off my shoulders.

I guess I have some sort of EDNOS because I don't binge, but I did start super unhealthily ( I drank about a shot of hydrogen peroxide 3% and mixed it with soda and chugged) and I can't stop nor do I really want to right now. I got comments on how flat my tummy is (which is saying something since my bmi is in the obese numbers) and I'm like " passively suicidal " and the byproduct if I don't get help is death so really I don't see a negative ( other than my teeth... I know all the risks I read up on everything to discourage myself but well here I am )

Anyways I used to lurk now i am posting and I guess I'm here to make friends and have a great time.

TL;DR : I'm new, my life is good and depressing at the same time, I like to throw up everything I eat and I want to vent.

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[Rant/Rave] The self sabotage is REAL today
/u/fiascofiesta [5'7" | 123.4 | 19.26 | 22F]
Created: Tue Nov 29 00:09:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fhb8k/the_self_sabotage_is_real_today/
---
I weighed in at 120.2 this morning... but I've spend the past EIGHT hours binging :) kill :) me :) please :) I made a big cup of mint tea so I would STOP EATING (I'm already at like 3000 calories ffs) but since I ate a bunch of sweet shit I couldn't really taste it. So I grabbed a big bowl of sweet potato casserole. And my boyfriend, in front of two of his friends, says, "Look at her stuffing her face." Because fuck me right. So I threw a little fit because I am a child and my feelings were hurt and I threw out the rest of the casserole and my bowl. He got mad at me for wasting food and says he was joking but what the fuck do you expect. Now I'm just sitting in the living room nursing my tea and sulking. I regret eating at all today and I literally decided to eat a muffin while he was walking out the door so he would see me eat since he's been getting on to me for not eating lately. I knew I could purge it while he was gone, but he came back after 5 minutes because the traffic was bad. Since the muffin was 550 calories I just fucked my entire plan over and started eating everything and he obviously doesn't actually care because he made fun of me. I'm so whiny and emotional but I just feel like I can't do anything right and I'm unhappy with him in so many ways. Ugh. Whatever. Tomorrow is a new day and maybe I can go to the gym... except probably not because I get an IUD placed.. BUT I can fast all day. And the day after.

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[Discussion] Goal weight changes every day
/u/eldariya [140lbs of 6 foot 4 Russian Homo ]
Created: Mon Nov 28 23:58:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fh9p0/goal_weight_changes_every_day/
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I'm 127 rn But in the past month my goal weight has changed about 15 times. Anywhere from 99-140lbs, Like I know I will have to recover eventually but I feel like my only accomplishments currently are weight related. I still feel the same and I've became introverted recently especially in college when really I need someone to be like "u ok lol" But then I feel incredibly selfish for depending my recovery on others reactions to myself. It's confusing and this is a mess and I have college in like an hour and I really don't want to go and this is a mess, everything is a mess.

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[Rant/Rave] Gonna fast until Sunday
/u/electille [5'7 | 123 | 19.2 | ?]
Created: Mon Nov 28 23:45:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fh7yd/gonna_fast_until_sunday/
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Am in an unfulfilling relationship, and the only guy in my life ever who is Catholic and nice and artistic and likes going out in nature and is handsome and actually likes me back asked me for tips on how to flirt with a girl. I only know him through the internet, but he's the only person I can trust.

I can get away with not eating until Sunday. It'll make me feel better, more numb about this dude. He's not the only reason why I decided to fast until Sunday, but helped push me into the decision.

Wish me luck.

---

[Rant/Rave] Sad [Rant] He used all the right words, so why didn't it make me happy?
/u/mace__face [5'6 | CW:112 | BMI:18.08 | GW:108 | F -16lbs]
Created: Mon Nov 28 23:30:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fh5wv/sad_rant_he_used_all_the_right_words_so_why_didnt/
---
Hey from the chick abroad in Jordan 💜

So the background bit of this is me and my boyfriend broke up 3 weeks ago and since then I haven't been interested in anyone or dating in general- this important for later.

I went out with this guy last night and we were just chilling, it was never meant to be a hook-up situation at all because as I said I'm simply and hopelessly apathetic these days. But we ended up drinking beers at his house and talking for hours when he decides to kiss me. And like....I just kind of sat there. I kissed him back but felt less than zero about it and told him that as well, but I guess he has a thing for broken, emotionally unavailable chicks. Whatevs. But he kept touching my hands, shoulders, ribs and complimenting them. (He's a physiotherapist, he said and I quote, " I love bones.") can't make this shit up. But it was the words he used that I couldn't help but fixate on. He told me I was so thin, delicate, fragile, etc. he called me a deer which in Arabic they use to mean small, agile and graceful. I've only wanted to hear this since forever so why didn't it mean anything? I got no butterfly's at his words, no excitement- never mind the apathy towards the hook up attempts. It's not that I didn't believe him either, I just felt nothing about it. Two months ago these words would've made my life and now I feel nothing? Idk, I'm just so fucking lost.
Sorry about the wall of text.

tdlr; "would-be" hook up called me delicate, fragile, thin, etc and the nothingness inside me just stared blankly. Lost lost lost.

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[Tip] FitBit PSA!
/u/fiascofiesta [5'7" | 123.4 | 19.26 | 22F]
Created: Mon Nov 28 21:25:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fgm80/fitbit_psa/
---
(Mobile, no flair, I'm sorry!)

If you live in the US, the Fitbit Flex 2 is only $60 on Amazon right now! It says the deal ends in "1+ weeks" too so it won't end at midnight or anything. The flex is cool because you can put it in bracelets and necklaces and stuff and wear it all the time! I asked for one for Christmas and I kind of wish I hadn't so I could buy one now and get it in 2 days. But yeah! Go snatch one up if you've been looking at them!

ETA: it's normally $100, and its $90 for cyber Monday on the Fitbit home site.

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I feel like I've plateaued!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 28 19:30:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fg253/i_feel_like_ive_plateaued/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Getting use to restricting again after a binge cycle is rough
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 28 19:28:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fg1sj/getting_use_to_restricting_again_after_a_binge/
---
I know this sounds pathetic, But I'm struggling. I can't believe I use to go weeks or months even between binging. Even if I try to make high restriction(1200-1500) work I still feel like I'm hungry 24/7 and absolutely NEED to eat all the chocolates in the world. I guess it's because my body doesn't want to go back, It's realized the wonders of food. it's destressing because I haven't lost anything in a week 😭

---

[Help] Can you gain weight overnight?
/u/fuckthislol [5'8.5 | 52.6kg | 17.37/17.12 | Not enough | F]
Created: Mon Nov 28 19:08:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ffyeg/can_you_gain_weight_overnight/
---
This is probably a stupid question, but can you physically gain weight whilst being in bed/sleeping? Like can water weight get heavier when it gets absorbed or something?

Now I'm typing this out it seems even more stupid, but I'm just freaking out a little, cause I wanted to weigh myself tonight cause I looked okish so wanted see if I'd gone back down, but then my mum rushed me out the bathroom and I can't go back cause it's the middle of the night and my parents are super light sleepers and will complain I've woken them up, so now I can't weigh myself til morning, and I just need someone to tell me my weight will be the same in 6-7 hours as it is now, if I don't eat or drink anything between now and then!

Extra question, when you have showers, do you like absorb any weight from the water? Like through your skin or anything? OK, I think I'm possibly just getting stupider and stupider now, but let's just blame it on the lack of food... 😭😂

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[Goal] Sorry if I post too much, but I completed a 24 hour fast for the first time in about 2 years
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| fatty | GW 145 | -32.6lbs | 25F]
Created: Mon Nov 28 18:39:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fft1t/sorry_if_i_post_too_much_but_i_completed_a_24/
---
It's felt empowering to say to myself "I Won't eat that", I'm going to see how long I can do this. I have a cruise I'm going on in 42 days.

What are some good filling liquids besides a ton of water and broth?

What keeps you guys motivated?

I feel so good!!

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[Rant/Rave] kind of want to scream rn
/u/lymfp [5'3" | BMI 21.40 | vegan | F]
Created: Mon Nov 28 18:38:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ffswe/kind_of_want_to_scream_rn/
---
~tmi warning~

dinner at the restaurant with my family was going great; i had gotten my order of fries and a side of broccoli that i was treating myself to and i wasn't feeling too anxious.
then out of no where my brother makes a strange face.
then he covers his mouth.



*oh.*



the next thing i know my mom and i (and the table behind us, too) are covered in vomit.


vomit usually doesn't bother me, ^^i ^^mean, ^^i've ^^seen ^^enough ^^of ^^my ^^own ^^^haHa, but when it comes close to my food it kind of sends me into a panic.


can i please take a shower forever?

---

[Rant/Rave] I can control my cravings during the day, but during the evenings I want to eat everything!!!
/u/TummyRumblz [5'8" | CW:155| LW: 146 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 28 18:35:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ffs8s/i_can_control_my_cravings_during_the_day_but/
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But I pinch my tum and remember why I'm not eating

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[Rant/Rave] my mom gives me fatty, sugary, disgusting foods
/u/rawtruism
Created: Mon Nov 28 17:56:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ffkyo/my_mom_gives_me_fatty_sugary_disgusting_foods/
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I mean... I love food, cooking, and even eating, but I just do not know moderation and feel disgusting when eating disgusting stuff. I've been trying to get better at eating better, but I've been at my mom's twice last week, and the first time she gave me vegan cheese (which is a real fear food, as I love cheesy stuff and had bread and plant butter for grilled cheese lol)

I, being the fat glob I am, have eaten a whopping 5 grilled cheeses since saturday morning. And that's not even the worst. I could have lived with that, had it just been that. But then yesterday she gave me cookies, sugar, jam and peanut butter, and I don't know why, but making a weird flour/peanutbutter mix with sugar and jam sounded like a nice idea so I did. and I ate so much. I really wasn't meant to eat that much.

I just feel shitty. Tomorrows another day, but I can just sense how physically AND mentally shitty I'm gonna feel in the morning. I was hoping for some kind of support from my man, but he said he had headache. so. Idk. I have no other foods now than joylent and disgusting stuff that'll make me fat, so I really feel like a rant is in place.

tell me to pull myself together or something. this isn't okay at all

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[Thinspo] Natalia Taylor is everything I aspire to be
/u/bitterorbetter [5'5| 145| 24.1 | -15 | F19]
Created: Mon Nov 28 17:53:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ffka9/natalia_taylor_is_everything_i_aspire_to_be/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/6790402f6196470daf43aaee50263e5b?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=c1b7e53b9d0f76de54ae01c909fb394e

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[Rant/Rave] Weight fluctuations :/
/u/scaredalternate [5'5'' | 163 | GW 160 | UGW 120 | -57lbs | M]
Created: Mon Nov 28 17:40:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ffhnq/weight_fluctuations/
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I was sticking around 165lbs for a few days, then over this weekend I was dragged out to a bunch of social events where I had to eat and I weighed 173lbs today. I went to the washroom when I was alone and also purged all I could which was only like a few hundred calories at the most because it had been 2 hours since I ate.

Now I am 168lbs which isn't AS bad but I didn't eat over my TDEE either days so I know it's not actually my weight, but it's still freaking me out. Sorry for venting.

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[Other] Everything's a competition and it's destroying me.
/u/gh0stxx [5'7 | 151 | 23.6 | -34 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 28 17:03:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ffabv/everythings_a_competition_and_its_destroying_me/
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Hey guys! I haven't posted in a while, but I'm back. Over the past few months I've just been on a downward spiral with eating and self image. I had gotten down to my lowest weight in 5 years with the help of purging everyday. Something I completely couldn't maintain between the stress on my body and my parents finding out. Over the past I'd say 5 months, I've gained 10 pounds and feel like absolute garbage. Ever since I reconciled my friendship with my best friend, I've lost all self control.
My main issue is with his friend. I've never gotten along with this girl. She's much larger than I am, but somehow in my warped mind, I see us as the same. She has also struggled with an ED, but from my perspective, she exaggerates for attention. This girl and a group of my friends were planning on going on vacation, so everyone decided to go on a diet. The first week, this girl, every time I would see her would complain about how disgusting and fat she is. Like this is all she would talk about when I saw her. Week goes by, now all she talks about is how she hasn't eaten anything since the last time I saw her AND she lost 22 pounds! How discouraging is that??? I eat like nothing and lose max 3 pounds a week. I've made it super clear to my friend that I don't want to be around this girl anymore. She is beyond triggering, but no one seems to understand. I'm just beyond frustrated and need to be tiny already. I'm super competitive, I literally can't help it and won't stop till I see myself as smaller than her. Now the cycle begins again :/

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[Tip] I am starting a Kik group for those who are dealing with BED and need a place to turn to for support.
/u/bingequeenH8
Created: Mon Nov 28 16:44:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ff6mp/i_am_starting_a_kik_group_for_those_who_are/
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If you're interested in joining, please post or pm me your kik username :)

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[Intro] Hello!
/u/muya- [5'7" | 118 🌻 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 28 16:31:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ff466/hello/
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Hi all! I've been lurking a while and made an alt account recently and decided to finally post.

I've never been diagnosed with an ED so in many ways I feel like nothing I'm experiencing is "real," but I also know that the way I think about food/myself is pretty skewed. I've never had great self esteem and the subject of weight is something my family has constantly commented on as I grew up so it's a big point of insecurity for me.

In high school I'd try to skip lunch but end up eating my entire pantry every time I got home, but now that I'm in college I feel a lot more in control and restricting has been a breeze. It's funny because in the beginning I would have thought eating sub-1000 calories a day was ridiculous and impossible, but now I'm feeling like even 800 is too much.

I told myself I was only going to do it until my stomach was flatter and I was happier with myself, but now I feel like I'll never be satisfied. Even so, I can't imagine going back to my old eating habits, and I feel like I can't even validate my thoughts because I'm still a normal weight for my height. I keep thinking that I'll get a grip once I get to my "ideal" but I dunno, I think I'm stuck. I know there's deeper problems I need to fix but right now I just can't bring myself to care.

Short anecdote: When I went home for Thanksgiving I was too scared to have my habits questioned so I ate whenever I was offered food and ate regularly (I usually do intermittent fasting and have one meal a day) and it made me feel awful and bloated :( How do you guys deal with family/friends pushing food on you? I'm terrible at deflecting when being told to eat more so I just cave lmao

I'm really glad I found this place since I'm too afraid to talk to anyone in my life about this, it's nice to meet you all ♡

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[Other] my ultimate thinpso posting about pro ed tips obliviously.
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.2 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 28 16:25:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ff2tn/my_ultimate_thinpso_posting_about_pro_ed_tips/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUHpKXFxfNI

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[Discussion] DAE think 'oh no i'm too thin' in the mirror but then see other people and think 'no... not nearly'
/u/misterrazorz [159 | 44.4 | 17.9 | a]
Created: Mon Nov 28 16:15:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ff11b/dae_think_oh_no_im_too_thin_in_the_mirror_but/
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not even models and magazines because i know that has Photoshop, but leaving the house... bleh! ups my anxiety.

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[Rant/Rave] I fucking hate alcohol.
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.2 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 28 15:16:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5feoov/i_fucking_hate_alcohol/
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TL;DR I live with 7 21+-year-olds & it's basically a party house, no escape from alcohol.

 



I'm so sick of this.

 

I live in a house with 7 twenty-something-year-olds and there is ALWAYS alcohol around.

 

I want to have fun and whatever with them and I'm positive I have an issue with drinking but I can't stop. It's so hard.

 

They drink every single night and have easy access to beer because three of them work at a bowling alley/ bar. I don't know how to quit.

 

This environment is awful for me.

 

I guess I'm more upset that when I drink I throw all of my food goals for the day down the trash once I get drunk enough.

 

I'm pissed because yesterday I was doing SO GOOD, then everyone came home shit faced and asked if I wanted to drink which I initially declined and they were okay with..

 

but it sucks because they all get to have fun and I'm sitting in my room all alone watching documentaries and thinking about how much I hate myself, alcohol is really my own escape from that.

 

I would have met my fucking goal for the week if I could STOP DRINKING I'M SO MAD.

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[Help] Trying to eat a fear food at dinner with my SO
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 28 15:04:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5felz0/trying_to_eat_a_fear_food_at_dinner_with_my_so/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] The Reason Why I'm Anorexic
/u/SkinnyBoy70 [| 5'3" | 115 | 19.66 | :(+30pounds | FTM Trans |]
Created: Mon Nov 28 13:44:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fe47r/the_reason_why_im_anorexic/
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Why should I kill myself when I can slowly starve myself and make myself suffer until I die? Dying is an easy way out so why not just make myself suffer because I deserve it. Dying is easy, living is harder.

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[Discussion] I cant wrap my mind around it. Our bodies are too confusing
/u/tattoosandcoffeee [5'4 | GW 108 | -12]
Created: Mon Nov 28 13:11:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fdwtx/i_cant_wrap_my_mind_around_it_our_bodies_are_too/
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I have never believed the whole "starvation mode" and all the logic nonsense. I've always been the one whos fasted and immediately responded to those people and corrected them. The first time I dropped all my weight eating one small dinner a day it was a breeze. But now for some reason (maybe bc im at a much higher weight than ive ever been) my body doesn't want to let go of anything when I restrict. When I consistently eat 800-1000 my body just maintains and then if I fast it'll drop like .6 and thats the most it'll budge..BUT if I eat 1200 average daily I consistently lose. Its like my body wont let go at the lower restrictions but happily gives it up at higher. I dont believe this starvation mode but I feel like scientifically there has to be some truth to our bodies holding on and not wanting to let go unless we eat enough to satisfy. Does anyone else experience this or have some input?

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[Discussion] [Discussion] DAE not believe how much other people weigh?
/u/idkjust [5'9" | -16 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 28 12:48:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fdrxn/discussion_dae_not_believe_how_much_other_people/
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I look at pictures online of people that say they're my height and weigh 60lbs more than I do, and think it looks exactly like me. Then when I see pictures of people who are my height and weight, I'm floored by how thin they look.

I always thought I had a pretty good grasp on what I look like without any/too much body dysmorphia, but maybe I was wrong. Anybody else feel this way?

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[Rant/Rave] Ah I sabotaged myself today.
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 28 12:18:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fdldx/ah_i_sabotaged_myself_today/
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Wanted to be able to have popcorn later but I ate leftover stuffing and now my cals are at 1080. I couldn't even get anything up when I tried to purge 😢 I'm tired of everyday becoming a new day because this is how the b/p cycles back. I want just restriction. JUST SELF CONTROL. I don't know. I calculated the approximate calories for the stuffing and approx weight of the entire pan and found out a cup would have been 450 fucking calories. How is that possible? So I counted it as 700. To go along with my 370 cal muffin, handful of broccoli, amd handful of raspberries. I was gonna be under 600 today if not for that stuffing. I just feel so disappointed in myself and I know how this goes. My throat and stomach are killing me too.

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[Rant/Rave] Struggling with new medication [RANT]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 28 12:07:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fdiuc/struggling_with_new_medication_rant/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Medicating to reduce appetite
/u/idkjust [5'9" | -16 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 28 11:32:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fdaxe/rantrave_medicating_to_reduce_appetite/
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Since I was 12 or so, I've been prescribed different stimulants for ADHD. The past couple years I've been taking Concerta, which is basically extended release Ritalin.

For the first time in years, my therapist and I decided to take me off the medicine. So now, I've been cutting the pills up and snorting them. Not only does it take my appetite away, but it makes the act of eating unenjoyable. I haven't been able to sleep well, but it's so much easier to lose and maintain!

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[Discussion] Dreams of eating
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Mon Nov 28 10:57:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fd3b0/dreams_of_eating/
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Do you guys ever have dreams where you eat a ton of high calorie food like cheese and stuff and freak out a bit about it? That happened to me last night, woke up relieved I didn't just eat a week's worth of calories in cheese. And 8 started thinking... I've trained myself to lucid dream whenever I want (although some nights like last night I just let my brain make its own dreams) and I've decided to experiment a little with binge dreams. I mean, if you can binge in your dream instead of real life, could that help you? If any of you guys want to try it and tell me how it goes that would be awesome. This idea could help people that struggle with binging, and I decided why not post my idea and give it a try :P

---

[Help] Cannot stop losing?
/u/shattered_self [5'8" | 113 | 17 | 25M]
Created: Mon Nov 28 10:49:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fd1gf/cannot_stop_losing/
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Hello all!

I am really new here but I have been struggling with an ED for a while now. It started off getting healthy and fit but now I am pretty sure I am just hanging on the edge of anorexia.

I want to eat as little as possible. I like knowing that I am in a deficit because I know I will not gain. I am terrified of gaining. I love losing weight. I love being in control.

I am afraid of getting thinner and more unhealthy. Part of me even wants to gain weight to be at a healthy weight. Or gain even more just so I can lose it all over again. Go out and eat cheeseburgers and ice cream and then restrict until I am a perfect BMI of 18.6 over and over.

However, that will never happen. I will just accidentally lose a pound at a time... too afraid to gain any of it back... until I fade away.

Anyone else feel like this?

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[Rant/Rave] I get my wisdom teeth out today...
/u/wishfulthinkings [5'4" | CW:155 | 1st GW:125 | -19 LBS]
Created: Mon Nov 28 10:45:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fd0j8/i_get_my_wisdom_teeth_out_today/
---
...and I am so excited to have a legit excuse to not eat for two weeks.

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[Help] Request for help
/u/sheradawnBDP
Created: Mon Nov 28 10:03:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fcrhq/request_for_help/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] To those that stopped purging, how long before your cheeks went back to normal?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 142.6 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 28 09:50:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fcorm/to_those_that_stopped_purging_how_long_before/
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I've always had round cheeks and then bulimia kinda kept them that way after losing weight, so I'm not sure what my face would look like.

I'm working on stopping b/p-ing and doing fairly well. Still every week, but it's not 2-3 times per day like it used to be.

I've heard some people notice a difference in days, but others weeks or months. I've had bulimia for....5 years. Oh my, that went fast. Anyways, just curious to hear from some other people.

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[Help] Vitamin Suggestions?
/u/wanderingdorathy
Created: Mon Nov 28 09:15:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fchnw/vitamin_suggestions/
---
(Sorry mods, I'm on mobile and can't flair.)


I'm thinking I want to start taking vitamins again, and I was hoping you lovely people would have some helpful insights.


I've taken vitamins before. The first ones I took years ago made my stomach hurt and cramp. I took them off and on for two weeks then just threw them away.


Later I got a women's multivitamin that was on sale. The pills were so huge that I would gag on them and eventually my body just started gagging when I'd open the bottle and could smell them.


Because if these other experiences I think I want to try a gummy vitamin. Or maybe a children's vitamin that is easier on tummies.


I'm concerned with getting enough calcium, iron, and other nutrients I may be missing out on while restricting. I'd also like to find something for hair and nails.


I looked into "women's" vitamins. But I'm not concerned about reproductive health at this time and a lot of reviews said the folic acid in them caused stomach cramps.


Someone told me that prenatal vitamins are really good for hair and nails? (But they may have other stuff I don't really need)


Someone else said that most vitamins just create really expensive pee. How do I know which vitamins are good and will absorb correctly??


What multi vitamins do you all take?

Does anyone take gummies? How are they on your stomach?


The best would be if you had brand suggestions and where I might be able to purchase them (online or in the US)

Thanks!

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[Other] Office Treats
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 112.2 18.18 | 22F]
Created: Mon Nov 28 09:13:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fch1j/office_treats/
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Everyone is pulling out the brakes now that Thanksgiving is behind us. There are fancy cupcakes in the lunch room and pumpkin cake and two office parties this week and two different office breakfasts this week alone plus my boyfriend's work party next week.

But you know what? I feel great. I didn't gain a single pound over Thanksgiving, just maintained perfectly, and made my plate look full by stocking up on the veggies (only ate ONE non-veggie dish for Thanksgiving meal lol). I am gliding right past the cupcakes and working out over my lunch breaks and demurely refusing the high-cal snacks that make everyone else flock to the break rooms to stuff their faces between their breakfast lattes and lunch dressing-drenched salads - while I sip my black coffee and tap my foot and only eat lunch if I'm skipping dinner.

Can we say unstoppable? Because that's how I feel. The treats aren't even tempting me. No thoughts of "I could eat a half" or "if I scrape the frosting off" or "I can work out an extra 30 minutes" or "I'll starve the rest of the day." Nope. I'm untouchable. I know they won't taste half as good as I would hope and the treats would just be a disappointing waste of calories.

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[Help] Weed and ED
/u/borrow_our_light [5'7| 142 | 22.9 | -21lbs | F | GW 115]
Created: Mon Nov 28 06:40:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fbp40/weed_and_ed/
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So I should preface this with some stuff first. To start marijuana is illegal all around in Kentucky which is so ridiculous. Also I have endometriosis which makes me feel like I'm dying every month for at least 5 days; so around that time I smoke quite consistently which is great for the body pains but not for how much I eat. Whenever I get high I don't remember what I eat. And I know I have eaten based off of friends snapchats. I know I always stay within my vegetarian limits but besides that I don't know how to count the amount of calories that I take in. I will usually fast all day until I smoke in hopes that I will still be under 1000 calories for the day. Is there anyway that I can stop eating so much while smoking, any tips would be nice.

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[Help] Travel Scales
/u/NindeNehima [5'2" | 88 | 16.67| 24F | GW: dead]
Created: Mon Nov 28 06:37:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fboow/travel_scales/
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Hello everyone,

I'm sure there has been a post about this before, but I was wondering if you all could recommend some good travel sized scales for me. I'm talking both bathroom scales and food scales. I have a 10 day trip coming up next month, I'm really excited but I don't think I can bear not weighing myself that whole time.

Any cheap(ish), small scale recommendations would be greatly appreciated :)

I just don't want to buy something online and find out it doesn't work days before I'm scheduled to leave... Thanks!

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! November 28, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Nov 28 05:13:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fbcof/weekly_stats_update_november_28_2016/
---
This is the weekly status thread for November 28, 2016.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome. Previous updates are archived [here.](http://www.reddit.com/r/proED/wiki/archives)

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 28, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Nov 28 05:12:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fbcnt/daily_food_diary_november_28_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 28, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Thinspo] Made some iPhone backgrounds for my fast!
/u/cherrycherub
Created: Mon Nov 28 03:26:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fazn1/made_some_iphone_backgrounds_for_my_fast/
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http://imgur.com/a/xuiJf

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[Other] [Other] My experience, as a recovered anorexic and bulimic woman.
/u/jenniferchecks
Created: Mon Nov 28 02:53:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5favse/other_my_experience_as_a_recovered_anorexic_and/
---
[removed]

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[Intro] Intro-If anyone really knew the truth...
/u/sullensirensongs [5'6" | 125 | 20.2 | -35 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 28 02:04:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5faqe1/introif_anyone_really_knew_the_truth/
---
I have been lurking for months and have finally built enough courage to create an alternative account to post under. So brave, right? Like many of you I feel like a fraud. I have never been formally diagnosed with an ED but have been dealing with disordered eating issues since I was a preteen and am now in my early thirty’s. No one knows about my dirty little secret. I have never let it get too bad, well at least to where anyone said anything about it. My issues were not always about weight. It may have started that way but shifted more towards my image in general through my teen years. Restricting somehow became a way to make me feel better about my acne, small breasts, large bone structure, crooked teeth, or my height. Then it became a way to deal with my intelligence and failures and general feelings about the injustices of the universe. It was worse as a teenager but got less intense as I got older. Thanks hormones.
My ED issues got better and I just dealt with life as always being on strange diet trends but nothing too crazy restrictive unless issues in life caused too much chaos then I started restricting heavily again until things in my life calmed down. Restricting transformed as I got older to a form of control over chaos as a way to cope with rather than an issue with my image. Now, here is where I feel like a fraud. I was diagnosed with a rare neurological disease a few years ago comes with a lot of symptoms and some include gastrointestinal symptoms including delayed gastric emptying, nausea, constipation, bloat, and early satiety and anorexia (I know some people with ED’s would LOVE this and the sick part of me does). I have lost 35 lbs since September because of this flare up. I am being hit with a double whammy. When these flare ups hit I am usually able to maintain some level of control because they tend to go away fast (4-6 weeks at the most usually) enough and not disrupt my life too much. But this flare up has lasted for almost 6 months and now has triggered my ED and I am terrified. I cannot tell my Dr.’s about my ED because I fear it may be difficult to obtain treatment for my other illness that is already a bitch to treat. Due to the quick weight loss and the nature of my rare illness I am now dealing with serious heart issues.
My control issues with the ED is like battling an evil twin in my head. My life is in chaos because of this flare up causing this evil twin to emerge to try and control the situation but now is causing more harm which is causing more chaos so now I feel like I am fucked. Is there anyone else out there in a similar situation? I have come to terms that there may not be help for me and I think I am okay with it. It is just a lonely place to be in. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to leave this world with everyone in my life knowing that I was dealing with this. If my Dr.’s knew about this it could make getting treatment for my physical illness so much harder which would decrease the quality of my life so much more which would only increase the occurrence of my ED. I have to figure out how to do this on my own. Recovery wouldn’t be an option for me. I just wanted to introduce myself finally and tell my story. Maybe it can help someone. I know this community has helped me not feel so alone, and for that I am forever grateful.

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[Rant/Rave] Recovery is shitty and I quit
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 28 01:59:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5faprk/recovery_is_shitty_and_i_quit/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Everything about food makes me feel shit
/u/woollyshirt
Created: Mon Nov 28 01:50:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5faory/everything_about_food_makes_me_feel_shit/
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I feel like trying to maintain has made my ED/disordered food thoughts reach into other areas of food beyond restriction, and recently those areas have been veganism and macros. I'm already vegetarian, was raised as such from birth (ate meat for a year or so but since decided it wasn't for me and I'm kind of angry about ever doing that tbh) but now I'm questioning if I want to go vegan.

Without getting into the morals or ethics of consuming animal products, have any of you dealt with a similar kind of guilt over food? I feel guilty over nearly everything I eat so I'm finding it hard to know if I'm just using general food guilt as an 'excuse' to cut out more food groups. I don't intend to suddenly cut out animal products from my life at all as I like routine and repetition but I am questioning every animal product I consume and asking if I really need to eat it or if there's a vegan alternative I could have, which I actually feel isn't a bad attitude.

As for macros, I aim for 120g protein a day, with a minimum of 110g, even though 93g would be enough to satisfy 0.8g/lb bodyweight for me. I don't even weigh 120lbs so 120g is definitely overkill but I'm just scared of getting fat and struggle to believe that if I do cut down my protein even a little that I won't lose all my lean mass immediately. I'm also terrified all this protein is going to damage my kidneys though...and terrified that my fat intake (40-50g/day) is too high and I'm giving myself cholesterol problems. Weirdly I don't worry too much about carbs right now, though.

I feel like being vegan would be substantially easier if I wasn't trying to consume so much protein in this calorie limit. Or I could accept that being vegan isn't necessarily immediately possible for me and continue to focus on getting plenty of protein. Or I could just start a fast until I'm skinny and bony and not have to worry about any of this crap.

Anyone else dealt with stuff like this? I'd really appreciate some insight or advice.

tl;dr food is ruining me in every way and i hate it

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[Goal] About three months ago I hit underweight
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 27 22:46:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5fa1mv/about_three_months_ago_i_hit_underweight/
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[removed]

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Idk what's more addicting, seeing the numbers on the scale go down or checking for new submissions on pro-ed.
/u/cuts-and-cats [5'2 | 115 GW: 95 | 21 | -25 lbs |F]
Created: Sun Nov 27 21:55:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f9tzz/idk_whats_more_addicting_seeing_the_numbers_on/
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[removed]

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[Intro] Falling back into comfortingly destructive habits, I'm feeling alone
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 27 21:49:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f9t3e/falling_back_into_comfortingly_destructive_habits/
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Posting this on a throwaway because nobody on my main needs to know this.

Last year about this time I fell into a dark place. Which unfortunately coincided with a diet because I had recently edged into the 'obese BMI' category and I was not going to live like that. Fast forward I had lost 42 pounds(166-124) in barely 5 months because controlling food gave me solace. Though my major depression co morbid with eating barely 500 calories meant I was not a happy person to be around, I was angry at everyone and everything.

I went into semi-recovery where I allowed myself to eat(binge) and generally try to work on my other issues. Which on the front I've made some progress, I'm a lot happier! Still hated eating and had major anxieties over stupid things

Before I got stuck on 124-126 no matter what I did, I foolishly thought I could maintain that forever. Cue me weighing in and realizing I had gained 10 pounds, Not a major gain I thought. I'll just diet the 'normal' way and eat 1300-1500, Lose .5 a week and continue on with my life.

Ha, Ha, Ha. So we're back at my standard of 800 per day(3 pound a week) and ALL the wonderful self talk that goes with that. I'm determined to get below 124 now because it beat me before.

I'm just feeling really alone about this though, I've never told anyone about this other then mentioning I lost a lot of weight to a friend(but not how). I'm not formally diagnosed(I am with a lot of other issues though) but I feel like I 'fit' here. So, Hello?

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[Discussion] Anyone else still retaining crazy amounts of water weight from Thanksgiving?
/u/slimbakerbitch [5'8.5" | 134.2 | 19.82 | F24]
Created: Sun Nov 27 21:41:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f9rsq/anyone_else_still_retaining_crazy_amounts_of/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] My mom is so fucking triggering it's the worst
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 143.8 | 23.30 | -50ish | F]
Created: Sun Nov 27 21:41:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f9rrv/my_mom_is_so_fucking_triggering_its_the_worst/
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She eats so much junk food, but keeps her tiny 5'2", 118lb figure because she works out 4-6 hours a day, high intensity. Which is great, go you. She tracks her food and maintains around 2400-2600 cals. Amazing. Awesome. Proud of you.

BUT

I spend like 2 hrs of my day just driving, 3-7 sitting down for work and 2-6 teaching. Point is, I usually end up with 1-2hrs that I can dedicate to working out, and even then, my maintaining is around 1800-2000 cals. But she just has junk food everywhere.

We tried to fix it by getting lock boxes to which only she has a key. There are now two completely full 2'x1'x1' chests of shit food in the living room. She sometimes leaves them open, and just the temptation of the "forbidden" food is enough to trigger a binge for me. Then if she eats it while I'm working and being good, it's all I can think about and I'm fucking suffocating under all of the temptations. And i've really wanted to hit 1200/day to try and just *stabilize* a bit. But fuck I've had like 5 1800+ cal days and I'm bloated and I feel stocky and so gross. So I guess tomorrow I'm scaling back. No more attempts at 1200. God I really wanted it.

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[Rant/Rave] So disappointed
/u/Skinnystems
Created: Sun Nov 27 20:47:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f9jaf/so_disappointed/
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I saw a snapchat of myself a friend posted to her story and lately I've been feeling so good about myself... until I saw that. I HATE the way my body looks, ya'll. No matter how much I lose, my skinny belly always pokes out. Why is it that I look so tiny in a mirror and then in pictures I look so fucking fat? I want to cry. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

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[Intro] New here
/u/thingrins [5'2 | 117 | 21.4 | 28 lbs | Female]
Created: Sun Nov 27 20:00:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f9be2/new_here/
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Hi guys,
I've been a lurker here for a while now but finally decided to create an account. I started losing weight about a little over a year and a half ago and I started at 145 and got down to about 108 after restricting for so long I lost my period and was found to be orthostatic at the doctor. I was put into treatment for anorexia for 6 months, therapy & weight monitoring. Now I'm at 117 and healthy again. Bouncing between staying healthy/fit and wanting to go back to actively losing weight. I feel like this is the place to relieve stress/vent without feeling like I'm bothering anyone in my life and to talk to people who understand.

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[Help] Quiet at home exercises?
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| fatty | GW 145 | -32.6lbs | 25F]
Created: Sun Nov 27 19:41:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f986v/quiet_at_home_exercises/
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I have two sleeping kids + snoozing boyfriend in the other rooms and it is freezing/pouring like crazy outside, also I'm on the third floor in my apartment complex. 😅(I know crunches and leg lifts are pretty quiet so I'll do those of course)

What are some of your guys' favorite in home exercises??

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My plan
/u/seron_x
Created: Sun Nov 27 19:22:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f94z7/my_plan/
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[removed]

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Why did I do that?
/u/MsKonvict
Created: Sun Nov 27 18:09:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f8sas/why_did_i_do_that/
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[removed]

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[Help] I am stuck between binge eating and ana tendencies and my weight is going nowhere. Anyone experiencing the same thing?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 165 | BMI 28.3 | -0lbs | F]
Created: Sun Nov 27 17:24:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f8kch/i_am_stuck_between_binge_eating_and_ana/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] So it's my birthday
/u/color_me_thin
Created: Sun Nov 27 17:16:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f8ixd/so_its_my_birthday/
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I don't really like to celebrate my birthday in the sense of cake and going out, (also presents are the worst because I feel so insincere accepting them even when I appreciate the gift/gesture) but I decided to do a controlled binge (if I can even call it that) .

I've consumed almost 4k calories today and I'm actually pretty okay with that, as long as I fast tomorrow and go sub 500 for a couple days afterwards I should be back on track.

Idk why I felt the need to make a post about this but whatever, how have your Thanksgiving breaks been?

Edit: Thanks for all of your replies guys you're all really sweet 😊

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[Rant/Rave] Family reactions to my weight loss were entertaining
/u/sprinkle1997 [5'2 | CW 129 GW 100 | -25 lbs | 19F]
Created: Sun Nov 27 16:58:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f8fkz/family_reactions_to_my_weight_loss_were/
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When I got home for Thanksgiving break after not seeing anyone since August. Let's start with mom after she walked in on my changing..."Oh my gosh, sprinkle! You're so small! You're tiny! Your waist is cinched! You look great, now you can stop losing weight!" And how about auntie at the dinner table? "Sprinkle, you're looking good, girl! Sexy!" Of course, from the older fitness obsessed cousin I heard a whisper behind my back of, "Sprinkle looks so much better now!" But we can't forget grandma's comments in the kitchen, can we? "You're getting too thin, Sprinkle! Are you eating at school? What size are you now? You're wasting away, you want to disappear! You want to be a skeleton, just like your cousin!"

I'm just loving the attention. Can't wait to see how they'll react when I hit 100.

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[Rant/Rave] Parents feeding ED behavior
/u/bitterorbetter [5'5| 145| 24.1 | -15 | F19]
Created: Sun Nov 27 16:44:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f8d1p/parents_feeding_ed_behavior/
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I'm 20 years old, and have been a diagnosed anorexic since age 15. I've gone through years of therapy but never had to be hospitalized thankfully. I recently started with a therapist who has been very good and relatable and has made me realize a lot. One of the biggest things is that my eating disorder was spurred by my narcissistic parents, mainly my mom.

My family is picture perfect on the outside but my mom is controlling and verbally abusive and has a lot of issues she's never dealt with. My father is passive and has always lets her walk all over us, and sometimes served as the one who would do her dirty work when it came to manipulating and degrading us with words. She has been calling me fat since I was about 8, when she compared me to a neighbor and this led to my first diet.she started hiding any food that she didn't classify as healthy from me to make sure I wouldn't get fat and this then lead me to binge when I found "junk" food(anything that wasn't vegetables, fruit, or rice). At this point I actually did gain weight and get heavier from the out of control eating when I did have food. I then started restricting my own food at 12 so I could be skinny again.


She praises me to her friends, and makes it look like we are the perfect family but on the inside she ruins everyone. My eating disorder started out because I wanted to please her and be the daughter she wanted, by being skinny. However, over time, it developed into something I did so I could control some aspect of myself because it felt like everything I did was for her and because of her. This was all I had.

I had been doing a little Better than usual because I'm away at college and away from her. But now that I was home for the holidays, everything has fallen apart. I engaged in bulimic behavior for the first time to alleviate the guilt I felt from eating thanksgiving dinner. I had panic attacks and lost control daily and I'm now going back to university in a worst state than I've been in months. There isn't really a point to this, I just wanted to vent and say how much it sucks to have parents who make your life hell when they are the two people who are supposed to protect you.

Thank you for listening, I hope you all have a lovely day :)

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[Goal] Time to get serious...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 27 16:22:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f894t/time_to_get_serious/
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[deleted]

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[Other] Regarding orthorexia.
/u/elliptihedron
Created: Sun Nov 27 16:15:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f87w3/regarding_orthorexia/
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This is a sort-of transcript (by which I mean an approximation of what I might have said if I were sufficiently verbally deft to be this articulate in casual chit-chat) of something I said to a friend regarding their being told not to worry so much about nutrition. I was just writing this for my own personal journaling, but I thought it might be interesting for some to hear. This is my best guess as to where it would be appropriate to post something like this.


Warning in advance: it's long, and I'm not hip enough to be able to confidently use 'Tl;dr'.


--------------------------------------------



"I don't think he's telling you that you shouldn't think so much about it and that you need to chill out about it because he's less disciplined than you and can't resist temptations himself. There is actually a lot to be said about not letting yourself get too concerned about the fine details around nutrients and about exactly how a food got to a store.


"There's this surprisingly and truly terrifyingly faint line between being healthily aware and concerned about your diet and nutrition, and being dangerously so. It's actually fairly common for people, especially people who've newly decided to monitor their diet after not having done it very much or at all, to sort of overshoot the concern scale and creep right into the unhealthily obsessed range. Obviously, it's not really an overnight thing - this mental shift happens incrementally - and it's not really a binary split or anything; it's certainly much more nuanced than to say that there are people who stay safely in the healthy range and then people who go crazy with it. There's a range-- and, in particular, it's multi-dimensional, splashing out across many axes regarding what it's possible to think about and monitor, health/fitness-wise. But I think what I'm trying to get across is that, you know, it exists, the behavior of becoming too obsessed, and that it's way more prevalent than you probably think it is.


"I suppose I speak from experience. Looking back, I can with pretty high confidence say that I had pretty severe orthorexia, which is this OCD sort of eating disorder characterized by an obsession with being healthy. It's sort of overlooked and so in some ways even more insidiously subtle than your highly-discussed anorexia and bulimia because it's not really primarily about losing weight. I think it gives people the license, or the confused safety, maybe, to be able to look at themselves and know that they don't have an eating disorder-- you know, because they're not necessarily trying to be thin. And, I mean, what I'm trying to say is that this happens of people who actually *are* self-aware, and *are* trying to monitor their own mental preoccupation with food, precisely in order to prevent an eating disorder, which they *know* is dangerous and whose risk needs to be mitigated. Maybe you already know that dieting does change your mindset and that it can lead to a mental slip into danger territory, and you've already set out some sort of guideline for yourself to check your own mental safety around it: you know to ask yourself every so often, Do I think I'm too fat? or Does my ideal weight keep dropping? or Am I checking the scale too often? or Am I cutting calories? And you think to yourself, beforehand, that if you start saying yes to these questions, then maybe you should dial back a bit and rethink what you're doing.


"But I think what often doesn't get addressed is the question of Am I trying to be too healthy? It's subtle. You want to eat clean and keep fit, but you also know that starving yourself, or bingeing and purging, actually is *not* healthy. So you avoid that. You think that putting health first should prevent you from eating disorders. And, I mean, geez, I guess I keep using the word 'you' to refer to a general population who might feel this way-- I should probably take more individual responsibility for this, and stop assuming that this is general. But I do think that this is not so uncommon. And also I think I'm taking for granted that it's clear that I'm projecting from personal experience.


"But so anyway, I really, seriously was never intending on losing weight-- I mean, consciously, that is; I'm not going to go about discussing what was possibly subconsciously, non-explicitly in my goals somewhere in my head. But anyway it started with my deciding to stop eating processed meat, because somebody said that nitrates are bad, or something. And then it was all about the grass-fed and -finished, and pasture-raised, because just because there were no preservatives in meat, it didn't mean that it was *good* meat. And that was cool, except that getting really high-quality meat was expensive, and, I mean, student-hood doesn't exactly give you the biggest food budget. So, hey, I might as well go vegetarian. But then grains were bad, because they were often *super* processed, plus sugar is just the most gigantic no-no. Oh yeah, and while we're at it, fructose is to be absolutely avoided, so let's just get rid of fruits, too. Yeah, it's generally considered OK to eat fruit since it comes with all of the great fiber and vitamins that aren't in processed fructose-containing foods, but it's better to be safe than sorry, and besides it's confusing to have such wobbly boundaries-- I'd rather just have a hard line of restriction, and not have to think about it. Oh, but wait, lactose is a sugar! No more milk, yogurt, fresh cheeses, and anything containing any of those.


"Let's take inventory now of what's OK to eat:
- vegetables
- aged cheese
- nuts / legumes
- eggs
- oils and pure fats
- spices and marginal things like that


"And that was okay for maybe a week, until [Bulletproof guy](https://blog.bulletproof.com/about-dave-asprey/) said that cheese was bad because of something something mold and mycotoxins blah blah blah oh god that sounds dangerous and it'll poison me. And also legumes are bad for some reason I'm not totally clear on, but a lot of people follow this guy, so he's probably on to something. Let's steer clear of legumes, then.


"And so you can see how this just totally cascades into this highly-restrictive set of rules around what is or is not safe, and in me it turned into a sort of paranoia about everything being poison. And that came with the concern that the whole world was being lied to about what's in their food, and that big corporations are practically killing people with toxic filth disguised as something edible in order to make huge profits, and holy shit what a terrible and disgusting world this is, and everyone's just being ignorant and blind, like sheep being led to their own slaughter, and it's just so grotesque that people are so dictated by their own immediate mouth-pleasure that they can't stop themselves from consuming the poison that'll go on to kill them, and what's even worse is that they're teaching these habits to their children, exposing them to toxic waste, practically-- they might as well just let them play in nuclear storage facilities and eat asbestos from the walls... And I mean, now I guess you can see that this is very clearly, by-the-textbook disordered. The creepy, insidious thing is that all of these decisions about what rules to impose on myself seem individually relatively trivial; okay, you've already cut out milk, so you might as well remove cheese too. The jump from no milk to no milk or cheese seems, by itself, not so dramatic. Clearly, even the smallest increments when taken in aggregate over many iterations can yield a highly non-trivial change†, here in particular one that took me from just wanting to be a little bit more healthy to being full-blown paranoid about the smallest possibility of impurity (as I had then started thinking of it).


"And the point is, throughout this whole thing, I'd never explicitly wanted to lose weight. Obviously, I did end up losing lots of weight, even to the point of my thinking I was too thin and wanting to gain weight, but I thought of it as a consequence of my simply trying not to poison myself, and that it was a price worth paying to stay clean. I wasn't trying to be skinny, but by being so restrictive about what was safe food, I'd become de facto anorexic, preferring starvation over ingesting what I'd come to believe were toxins.


"Err, I'm actually not super sure anymore what the point of my saying all this was... Maybe that it's totally possible to develop disordered eating even if you're not trying to lose weight. Err, and that that's not really a good guideline for determining what it means to have an eating disorder and for maybe needing help. This is as true for how you think about other people as it is for thinking about yourself. And so somebody telling you that maybe you need to chill out a bit about your rules around food isn't necessarily a judgement or ignorance as much as it might be real, legit concern. Maybe he's been through this shit before, or has seen another friend or something go through it. Our general social environment consists of ambitious and high-achieving students who are privileged enough to be able to think about healthy eating, and who have access to the internet and thus all of the potentially extreme views out there. I'm just saying it's not gigantically unlikely.


"Anyway, that's probably all I meant to say."

-------------------------------------------------------------


† NB: it's pretty well-documented that eating disorders and disordered thinking in general can profoundly mess with even your most fundamental beliefs, but it's worth noting the irony of my refusing to accept the notion of 'many little things make a big thing' when you consider that I'm a mathematician and am highly aware not only of the additivity of finite things but also of the idea that even infinitesimals, in aggregate††, can have substance (calculus, anyone?).

†† Yes, okay, this is only true if the aggregate is itself infinite, but let's just go ahead and say that I'm making a metaphor and that the mathematical details are not the point at all, period.

---

[Rant/Rave] Doing Black Friday/Cyber Monday shopping...smallest dress size most places have is a 4-6. FUCK.
/u/abond4 [5'7.5 | 118.8 | 18.3 | -60 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 27 15:30:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f7zbr/doing_black_fridaycyber_monday_shoppingsmallest/
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I know this is such a first-world problem, but it's really infuriating to see a dress that would look adorable on me and be professional (I'll be starting as a teacher soon) only to discover "derp derp we only make it in size XXL!!1!!1!". I exaggerate, but the reason I dropped out of whale sizes was to feel more confident. Now I get punished for finally looking slim. Ugh. Do I really have to suck it up and wear a dress 1-2 sizes too big just to look fashionable?

PS: if anyone knows where to find more cute dresses like [the one I'm wearing here](http://imgur.com/a/nlodw) in small sizes, please let me know. Thanks!

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Just found out the VG in vape juice has calories
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 27 15:16:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f7wpd/just_found_out_the_vg_in_vape_juice_has_calories/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm going to kill my b/p addiction. Tomorrow is a new day.
/u/daeboo [5ft1/79lbs]
Created: Sun Nov 27 15:16:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f7wmf/im_going_to_kill_my_bp_addiction_tomorrow_is_a/
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I binged for three days straight, but I didn't purge once. I started actually exercising this weekend, which I'm secretly super embarrassed about but also secretly proud of.

This is going to be a fuck up free week. Its probably going to involve overcaffeination and a lot of zero calorie sweetener, but I'm not gong to fuck up my fasting. I'm not going to binge and purge and fuck up and cry at night because I'm weak and lost my mind. I'm going to prove my awful brain wrong and kick this compulsion in the butt.

I lowered my UGW to 69lbs instead of 75. BMI 13, here I fucking come.

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[Discussion] Does anyone else have a favorite thinspo picture on their phone or Pinterest board?
/u/Salsa_waffle
Created: Sun Nov 27 14:37:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f7p5p/does_anyone_else_have_a_favorite_thinspo_picture/
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I found this picture while scrolling through instagram https://i.imgur.com/nTS2agL.jpg and instantly became obsessed with the girl on the left's body. Melanie Martinez's body is also goals too tho. There was another picture on instagram a few months ago that was a girl from coachella, I can't find it but she was so pretty

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[Help] Going to see another psychiatrist tomorrow... how to get around avoiding medication that will make me gain weight?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 27 14:27:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f7n8j/going_to_see_another_psychiatrist_tomorrow_how_to/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I cried at a show last night
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [🐷 5'2 | NB-dfab | CW: 163.6lb | 29.9/31.0 | UGW: 90lb | -26.4lb]
Created: Sun Nov 27 14:10:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f7js4/i_cried_at_a_show_last_night/
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It was stupid. My mom told me I looked like I had lost weight in the past week but the scale hasn't budged.

Then I had to eat in front of people

Then at the show, one of the performers was saying things like 'a girls gotta eat' and all that body positivity shit and I just started crying? I honestly didn't think I would but I did. Why am I so emotional? Eugh

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[Rant/Rave] Someone told me that if I don't eat a cheeseburger i'm going to disappear...
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 27 13:39:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f7dnp/someone_told_me_that_if_i_dont_eat_a_cheeseburger/
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and it made me so happy... :)

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[Rant/Rave] (data rant) Addicted to my BF's stats
/u/Suusss [\\ 5'6" // cw114.5 \\ -9.8 //]
Created: Sun Nov 27 13:07:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f77gd/data_rant_addicted_to_my_bfs_stats/
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22.42
That's his BMI at 6"1' (pointedly that height)

If I was his height at my HW: 17.44 (omfg

If I was his height at my CW: 15.16 (:<

I sleep with him every night and I love his androgynous body, I love him, sweet sweet boy who eats 24/7 garbage and hasn't been the the gym never ever. But he's my biggest fucking competition, and he hasn't eaten yet today, so I haven't either!!!!!!!!!!

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling alone
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 27 12:54:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f7533/feeling_alone/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] So glad to be home...
/u/theresapossibility [170cm | CW: lol | fat | -5 lbs | f]
Created: Sun Nov 27 12:46:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f73bi/so_glad_to_be_home/
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I was on vacation for a week, and I didnt bring my food scale, so I had to guess how many calories I was eating each meal. I tried to compensate by taking 13-14k steps a day and Im scared to weigh myself. I think after a week, I'll try to hop on the scale.

Next time, Im def. bringing my food scale!

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[Help] one week of 1200/day
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | hw: 139 | cw: 114 | gw: 95 | 19F]
Created: Sun Nov 27 12:20:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f6yg0/one_week_of_1200day/
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I'm running a 10k this Saturday, and I'm trying to eat ~1200 cal a day to prepare. I want to have energy & fuel my body, but my mind is still freaking out a bit, especially since I overate at Thanksgiving so I really want to heavily restrict. ://. Has anyone had to do this before? how did it go?

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[Discussion] Do you think artificial sweetener fucks with metabolism?
/u/Alexa1p [5'5'' | 110 | 18 | -10.7 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 27 12:15:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f6xj8/do_you_think_artificial_sweetener_fucks_with/
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There was a study posted to my front page today (can't remember the sub, but you may have seen it) possibly linking artificial sweetener to weight gain. There were a lot of factors a little up in the air, but I was wondering if any of you had an opinion on it.

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[Tip] PSA: Cambell's chicken noodle soup is 120 calories a can
/u/00110100-00110010 [5'4'' | CW 114 | UGW 104 | 19.9 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 27 12:02:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f6v2p/psa_cambells_chicken_noodle_soup_is_120_calories/
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Even less if you take off the top layer of fat and chicken bits! Add as little or as much water as you want. It's heartier than a bullion cube, but less than ramen.

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[Help] mirtazipine makes me hungry ALL THE TIME
/u/moggettt [5'5 | 105.2 | 17.5 | NB]
Created: Sun Nov 27 11:31:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f6p4m/mirtazipine_makes_me_hungry_all_the_time/
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even if i eat a "normal" amount of food im hungry again like 20 minutes later. caffeine, smoking, adhd meds etc that curbed my appetite before dont do enough now. i know this is really common, but is there any way to counteract it? ive gained five lbs since i started taking it and im freaking out.

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[Tip] God bless losertown!
/u/cuts-and-cats [5'2 | 115 GW: 95 | 21 | -25 lbs |F]
Created: Sun Nov 27 11:16:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f6mbd/god_bless_losertown/
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If I stick to my plan of 350 calories a day, I can be back down to my lowest weight by Christmas and then down to my ultimate goal weight by valentine's day! Seeing the chart they make just makes it feel so doable. So here's hoping I make it! Do you guys play with losertown a lot too? I wish you could set like 3 days of 350 2 days of 400 and 2 days of fasting per week, because that's normally my life and I wonder how different it makes the forecast..
(Can't flair on mobile. Other I guess?)

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[Rant/Rave] What do you do when your BF is trying to gain weight
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 27 10:50:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f6hdf/what_do_you_do_when_your_bf_is_trying_to_gain/
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[deleted]

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[Intro] I'm new here!
/u/skinnywishes11 [5'6 | 120 | 19.4 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 27 10:36:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f6et1/im_new_here/
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Made a new account for this sub. So happy I found you guys!

This is so strange. I feel like I've never actually spoken to humans about my ED. Hello!

I am 21 and have been bulimic with sometimes anorexic tendencies for 6 years or so. Just saying hi for now.

Glad to be here (:

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[Discussion] HOLY MOLEY RAVIOLI THIS SOYLENT THING IS FECKIN SWEET
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 27 08:25:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f5ra3/holy_moley_ravioli_this_soylent_thing_is_feckin/
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[deleted]

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[Other] Hanging on by a thread
/u/eboneezah [169| Fat Cow | Not Yet There]
Created: Sun Nov 27 08:09:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f5ouq/hanging_on_by_a_thread/
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Ssooo as I mentioned in my other post, I was operated on this week, in fact I had a third procedure on saturday, and I was just feeling so fucking down a few minutes ago, I was like I NEEEEEED comfort food.
I need "energy" or whatever bullshit I tried telling my body. So instead of doing what Id normally do, I went online, to MFP, looked up the exact calaories for what I was about to binge on, then got on the scale and logged my weight. Since the operation and my not being able to go to the gym, I fortunately have only put on 2 KGs, of which I have lost 1 again. So I was like...**dont** ruin your progress, eat clean and you wont have such a long road back when you are allowed to workout again. Just thought Id log my success on here, I opted for a bowl of homemade salade (onions, red bell peppers, 1 tomato and cabbage, no dressing).
its dry AF but its what ive been living off since friday. I believe Im getting all the vitamins I need to recover through the veggies so its ok

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The casheer gave me a gift basket
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 27 08:07:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f5ok2/the_casheer_gave_me_a_gift_basket/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Weight gain after fasting?
/u/peruvian-bitch [156cm | CW:50.5kg | GW: 45kg | UGW:40kg | 20.7 | -23kg]
Created: Sun Nov 27 07:59:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f5n8r/weight_gain_after_fasting/
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I've been liquid fasting for two days now, and while I feel ok, and have been losing weight, I'm reaLly worried about gaining it back? Am i guaranteed do gain all the weight ive lost back? If youve fasted before - did you gain it back and was it a temporary gain (ie water weight?)

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[Rant/Rave] I keep getting debilitating headaches from not eating.
/u/_mukade [151cm | 51.2kg | 23.37 | -9.5kg | F]
Created: Sun Nov 27 07:35:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f5jsq/i_keep_getting_debilitating_headaches_from_not/
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The past few months I've been getting awful headaches from not eating, often around the 48/72 hour mark. I know it's a blood sugar thing, because my binge eating often consists of the worst foods ever, but I have no self control.

I'm on vacation right now, and I gave in a broke a multi-day fast this morning because I couldn't take the headache anymore. The resulting blood sugar spike and subsequent drop ended with me sprawled out on a park bench trying to not black out and it was so frustrating and embarrassing.

I never had these issues until a few months ago and I HATE it.

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[Rant/Rave] TIL: maybe I'm doing all this to not be attractive
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 27 07:25:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f5igc/til_maybe_im_doing_all_this_to_not_be_attractive/
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The self harm, I used to cut on my arms, then my thighs, a few nights ago I cut my boobs.

The starving; both a way of killing myself and being unattractive. I don't take my vitamins, I don't care if my skin turns yellow and my hair falls out. Let it happen.


I was raped a few years ago, maybe I just don't want to be able to look good?

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[Rant/Rave] My ED makes me so hateful.
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | GW:115 | -16 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 27 07:04:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f5fjn/my_ed_makes_me_so_hateful/
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I envy every single best friend I have who eats what she wants and doesn't ever think about it. Who jokes about it as she scarfs down 6 pieces of pizza on one day and then Panda Express and Chick Fil A the next. Who casually says "it's so easy for me to lose weight!!" Who literally invite me out to eat every single day and then don't take no for an answer. Well, *fuck you*!

And here I am hating myself. I've had such a shitty week and a half. I haven't been counting calories like i should be, I ate chocolate, marshmallows and cookies, there was a Thanksgiving binge, and I drank a lot of wine when I normally don't.

Without water/waste weight I gained 6 pounds. I can *feel* it. I hate that feeling. I want to feel light. It's absolutely ridiculous how *easy* it is to gain weight when you have a few off days. But these off days don't even include eating Chick Fil A and pizza and all the good stuff. They include just eating like a normal fucking person!

And it's going to take my over a week to lose that weight too. So fuck you and your "it's so easy for me to lose weight" comment. And fuck me for being hateful when I know its not their fault.

I keep telling myself, "You can only move forward" but I don't believe it. I can very well, just as easily move backwards.

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[Rant/Rave] I got tricked into a late thanksgiving dinner last night by my Extremely judgmental in laws. I still struggle to eat in front of them.
/u/lealli
Created: Sun Nov 27 06:45:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f5cy3/i_got_tricked_into_a_late_thanksgiving_dinner/
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[removed]

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I am really proud of myself.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 27 05:50:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f55o0/i_am_really_proud_of_myself/
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http://imgur.com/xgcGKGk

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post all the memes November 27, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Nov 27 05:08:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f50vc/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes_november_27/
---
This is the weekly 'Shitpost' Sunday thread for November 27, 2016.

This is the perfect place for all of your memes and humor posts!

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 27, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Nov 27 05:08:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f50ux/daily_food_diary_november_27_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 27, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] cure to uncontrollable binging: panic attacks
/u/planningfallacy_ [5'4.5'' | 110lb | 18.6 | -20lb | F]
Created: Sun Nov 27 02:52:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f4n2p/cure_to_uncontrollable_binging_panic_attacks/
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Tonight I drove by McDonalds on my way home from work. I pulled into the drive-thru. I had eaten three cookies that day, maybe 500-600 calories.

Once in the drive through I started having a panic attack about how if I ate McDonalds, I'd get fat & not attractive. Like, the only reason I feel confident sometimes is because I realize guys think I have a nice body.

I left without getting anything. I don't know how to feel. A part of me is happy I didn't eat, because I want to be thinner. But... god this feels so fucked up.

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[Rant/Rave] I can't believe it
/u/thebroco
Created: Sun Nov 27 01:47:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f4h07/i_cant_believe_it/
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My Thanksgiving dinner actually went so incredibly well I can hardly believe it. A few hours before the dinner I started to get a little anxious about binging and how many calories I was about to eat, but once I got there all of that completely left my mind. I didn't even think about it WHILE I WAS EATING. I didn't binge, I ate a small, but very normal thanksgiving meal with a little bit of dessert after. I didn't even realize what had happened until I was on the bus back home and I swear I almost started tearing up.

I don't know what's going to happen in the future but the fact that I managed to not overthink food even for a little bit just makes me so incredibly happy right now, and I just needed to let somebody know :')

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[Other] Everyone says I look great but I don't see it.
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 25.11 | -60lbs | M]
Created: Sat Nov 26 22:52:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f3xad/everyone_says_i_look_great_but_i_dont_see_it/
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So many people in my family have told me that I look really thin, I look great, I'm doing so well, etc. My grandma even said that I should stop losing weight now but I'm nowhere near my goal and I'm still so fat. I have a huge belly, my BMI is still classified as overweight. I don't understand why people think I look so great, I don't at all.

I wish I felt as skinny as people keep telling me I look. It would make my life a lot easier I'm sure.

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[Goal] When you figure out your weight in stones and it changes everything
/u/notyourtoy [5'8" | 126 lbs | 18.95 BMI | -37 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Nov 26 21:14:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f3jkp/when_you_figure_out_your_weight_in_stones_and_it/
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At 126 my weight is exactly 9 stone.

9 is my lucky number. I fucking love the number 9. It is everything to me. I'm obsessed with 9s. Don't know why, I know I'm a freak.

I was trying to be ok with not going to a underweight BMI and this might be the motivation I need to set a more reasonable maintenance weight.

I mean, usually I fluctuate *up* from 126, so I'll want to set maintenance to stay *below* 126 instead. So still a few pounds to lose I guess. But still. This makes me really happy and I figured you all would be the only people who could understand.

I know I need to stop trying to lose, it's hurting me in a lot of ways. I'm unable to focus, I feel faint a lot, I'm not making gains in the gym, I struggle to get anything done, I sleep all the time, I feel sick all the time, my vision is blurry, my hands shake, I'm cold all the time. It's really shitty.

I'm a chronically ill person putting more strain on my body by trying to drop weight to an unhealthy degree. It's moronic. It's nonsensical. but then, what makes sense about EDs. Maybe I can shut it up (somewhat) with my luckiest number. Wish me luck, beauties.

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[Rant/Rave] Ugh. I'm scared I'm messing up my brain but I can't care enough either.
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: 100 | -35 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 26 21:13:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f3jcg/ugh_im_scared_im_messing_up_my_brain_but_i_cant/
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We're going to visit family for Christmas next month which means seeing my 5'2ish cousin who is like 105-110 pounds and wears size 25s and 0s in pants. Her body is such perfection - a flat stomach, thigh gap, and thin arms. I'm like 75% sure she has an ED too. Throughout the years she's always been an extremely picky eater who is "never hungry" and I remember her commenting on losing a pound when we tried out a scale at my aunt's house (I was 140 then, she was 120). She flushes food that her mother tries to feed her down the toilet due to the fact she feels like she is "force fed." She also kept on exclaiming on how a size 27 shorts I tried to gift her would be HUGE on her. Like... thanks. More reason I want to just... revenge diet.

She's only lost 10 pounds in like.. 2 years though. I've managed to go 30 in the span of a year. I want to be as thin or thinner than her by next month, and I lose faster than her so.. I can do it! I have better willpower. I have a lot of nutrition knowledge and a mother who subtly encourages me to lose more weight so.. I can do this. I'm just beginning to fit into size 2 pants, and I'm sure if I lose another 10 lbs this month I can become a 0...

On the other hand, I'm reading up on how ED's can affect the brain. Apparently a lot of people say that their brains never worked quite as well after their ED's, and I can kind of feel the effects of my restriction habits coming on... Lately I've been suffering mood swings and forgetfulness, and I feel like I'm just floating through life. I've always been an A student and I'm worried that I've messed up my brain for good. I start thinking about going back to 1200 cals a day, but skinny just seems way more important right now. I'm so freaking messed up. I want help and I want to stop but skinny seems more important right now.

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Took this photo today...came a long way have a long way to go
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 26 20:47:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f3foy/took_this_photo_todaycame_a_long_way_have_a_long/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/79d9d1a3b3604642bf1bedf5e76755d3?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=9022fbed1b484d9a5b4cc573dbc21248

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[Rant/Rave] Heart eyes emoji!!
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Sat Nov 26 20:29:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f3d1z/heart_eyes_emoji/
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I just invited my crush to my sorority's semi & he said yes. I cannot explain to y'all how happy I am right now, I've been hopping around my room for the past hour!!!!!

I did my laundry and washed my hair today as well, so I feel very productive. I was tempted to order food (because I was bored), but with these news I decided not to. Gonna start looking at dresses and I want to be able to order down, and maybe splurge a little instead of spending money on food for the week! I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOING WELL TOO!

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This might seem dark to alot of you to laugh at but I have a horribly dark sense of humor
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 26 19:39:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f35jh/this_might_seem_dark_to_alot_of_you_to_laugh_at/
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I am "drunkorexic" lol i hate that term but it fits. I am an alcoholic that gets her cals from drinkin. I ate leftover stuffing as my binge and had a panic...i hate when there is only beer. but I'm fuckin lit right now and I burped up and tried to aim it out the window of my bfs car and it landed right on the inside lmao he didn't notice and asked what happened and I told him I just burped and now I have puke on my arm from the cover up job lol man do I suck 😉

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[Help] Visiting Family For TWO WEEKS! Help me!
/u/thatsApunk [5'9" | 129.2| 18.74 | -40.5 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 26 19:15:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f3210/visiting_family_for_two_weeks_help_me/
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Hello awesome people of the subreddit that I would die without! I've never formally introduced myself, but I imagine that if I were to...it would be exactly like every other person on here so its kind of whatever haha! But I have a really huge problem thats giving me so much anxiety that I can't even sleep at night! Next Friday I'm going to be flying out to visit family for two whole weeks and I don't know what I'm going to do.

A little bit about my family, they're all overweight and they love to eat out! Every single meal (breakfast, lunch, and dinner) is going to be with them, either grandma's fatty home-cooking or some fast food/restaurant trash! I don't know how to avoid it, and at least maintain on this vacation.

I don't know what to do, I'm finally getting back on track but I don't want the next two weeks to throw everything off and drive me crazy!

Please help, any help...I'm freaking out!

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[Discussion] How many calories do you need to burn to get to your goal weight?
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: 100 | -35 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 26 18:37:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f2vy3/how_many_calories_do_you_need_to_burn_to_get_to/
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There are 3500 calories in 1 lb (or 0.45 kilos).

For me, that'd be 52,500 calories left, sigh. On the bright side, I've burned 105,000 calories to get to my weight. c:

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[Discussion] Adderall cured my ED?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 26 18:23:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f2tss/adderall_cured_my_ed/
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Before taking Adderall, I was 100% bulimic. Before that, I restricted very well. Classic story, I guess. I use to just be able to restrict for weeks and weeks and lose weigh steadily. Then I binged first time. Then it was restrict binge exercise, then restrict binge purge and then when school started, it was always just binge purge with some restricting.

But one day, I decided to take Adderall to study for a test. It took away my appetite. At first I lost weight faster, but then it leveled out, and I was sort of just able to eat normally without having to obsess over foods and calories. There were no more fear vs safe foods, no more binging. This was last spring in March.

Adderall cured me of my ED so well that I stopped thinking of myself as bulimic. I looked back at that time and realized how insane it all was.

Of course the story does not end well. The Adderall ran out, and I took meth out of desperation because the day it ran out was the day my ED came back. I started binging again that day and all day but would not purge. So then I used meh and now I have a drug problem.

But my main question is, has anyone felt that Adderall cured them if their ED? And I'm not saying that you had no appetite and lost weight. I'm talking about the obsession and the thoughts and the fear foods. On Adderall, and even meth, I would have been ok with eating candy bars. In fact, that was all I ate all day, but the difference was that I had a sense of moderation, so I never really overate. I believe I felt what it was like to be naturally skinny or naturally average - the people who are thin/normal who don't think about what they eat.

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[Tip] [Can't Flair; mobile] Tips on breaking a fast?
/u/fastestnerdalive
Created: Sat Nov 26 18:01:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f2q4g/cant_flair_mobile_tips_on_breaking_a_fast/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] That awkward moment when you go to the grocery store but you didn't get a chance to meal plan to every day is identical.
/u/Navelpudding [5' 6" | 185 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 26 17:48:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f2nwo/that_awkward_moment_when_you_go_to_the_grocery/
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I bought enough veggies I'm having stir fry all week. Fuck my inability to shop like a normal person.

If you have a good suggestion could you let me know? I have enough for about a dollar a serving. Lunch and dinner are my problem areas, I just drink the same low cal thing for breakfast every day.

Edit: So* Stupid title error.

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Aaaaaaand after almost a year of maintaining my lowest weight, I quickly and effortlessly gained back 10 pounds
/u/canwefloat [5'5 | 112 | - 19 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Nov 26 16:31:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f2auy/aaaaaaand_after_almost_a_year_of_maintaining_my/
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It's not like I was binging every day. It was just the slow accumulation of treats/etc. over time. It's upsetting. I wanted to know if it was possible to be small and still eat normally with others. I wanted to know if holidays were doable.

Can I not be small and eat a cookie every once in a while? This is so sad. (And it's genuine weight gain, it's been two months)

(Also I can change my flair later, it's a little too real right now)

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This tattoo.. I want to fade away as well
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 26 16:18:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f28or/this_tattoo_i_want_to_fade_away_as_well/
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http://i.imgur.com/duCNKgd.jpg

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[Discussion] Need motivation to start working out again [discussion]
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Sat Nov 26 16:00:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f25dw/need_motivation_to_start_working_out_again/
---
[removed]

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Make me feel alive (F)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 26 15:37:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f21d5/make_me_feel_alive_f/
---
http://i.imgur.com/qFDDOdu.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Starting to believe compliments
/u/idkjust [5'9" | -16 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 26 14:09:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f1lnn/rantrave_starting_to_believe_compliments/
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I spent a night with an ex (I know, I know) and he couldn't stop saying "You're perfect, you're perfect." He never called anything out specifically, like "your stomach's so flat" or anything, because he knows that I struggle with ED (and saying that would only encourage it). But for once, I didn't feel like he was lying to make me feel good.

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[Goal] Mini goal reached and possible setback with a plan.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 26 14:05:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f1kw4/mini_goal_reached_and_possible_setback_with_a_plan/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] No money for food for the next two weeks
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 26 13:45:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f1hc6/no_money_for_food_for_the_next_two_weeks/
---
Perks of having to pay for college!

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[Discussion] What does your weight chart look like?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 26 11:24:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f0rk9/what_does_your_weight_chart_look_like/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [tip?] Planning for a binge makes me not want to binge....
/u/thatonegirlfrommath [5'5" | 131.2 | 21.8 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 26 11:10:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5f0p5l/tip_planning_for_a_binge_makes_me_not_want_to/
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So I've been trying to get back to normal eating, meal prepping and actually eating 1200 calories to lose weight but more normally. But I wanted to binge thanksgiving. This is my first time not being with my parents for thanksgiving and I was spending the day alone with my cat, so the day before at work I decided to plan for an awesome "binge to end all binges."

I looked up different fast food restaurants I wanted to go to and wrote down what I wanted, how many calories each item was going to be, how much it would cost, completely repairing to go and get all this food I wanted. And then I didn't. Thanksgiving came and I ate relatively normally. Yesterday was the same. Today, the same. It's like I already had some of the pleasure of the binge by planning it all out that the actual eating of it isn't necessary. I'm going to see if I can do this next time I want to binge too!

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[Rant/Rave] Why do I keep doing this to myself!?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 26 08:30:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ezx93/why_do_i_keep_doing_this_to_myself/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Successful fast & new low [Rant/rave]
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Sat Nov 26 08:01:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ezt0j/successful_fast_new_low_rantrave/
---
My plans don't always work so I'm pretty happy I was able to follow through on this one. After eating myself sick on Thursday, I planned as usual to fast the next day. It almost never works with the different holiday schedules and time off my work. But yesterday it just happened to work- I had a 1/2 cup of sugar free pudding made with whole milk in the morning, coffee and then just water for the rest of the day! I was awake until 2 am and was thinking of eating but decided against it since I had already stepped on the scale and had dropped since the morning. I also did have a BM (sorry TMI) that was long overdue so that helped too.

Trying to decide what to eat today.. part of me wants to continue this fast (at 24 hours right now) but I think I'm going to try to get back to my regular <500 a day today and stick to that until christmas.

Also I'm at my lowest I've been in years so I'm super happy about that!! I fully relapsed into my AN in August weighing in at 176 and this morning I am 152.2. It been nearly 8 years since I hit my low weight of 117 and I've been struggling this whole time and unable to do anything about it. Finally I'm making progress.

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[Discussion] Do you lose as much weight as you "should" restricting?
/u/antimeridian [mellon collie and the infinite fatness]
Created: Sat Nov 26 07:38:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ezpp6/do_you_lose_as_much_weight_as_you_should/
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We all know that 3600kcal = 1 lb fat, right? So, if you have a TDEE of 1600-1800 and are eating 1100/day, you should lose 1 lb/week. (And most of us restrict to much less.) In your personal experience, does weight loss follow this pattern? Or is there a certain weight and/or caloric intake at which weight loss slows for you?

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! November 26, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Nov 26 05:07:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ez73q/stupid_questions_saturday_november_26_2016/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for November 26, 2016.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 26, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Nov 26 05:07:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ez73a/daily_food_diary_november_26_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 26, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else want to be forever alone on purpose because they feel too ugly and fat to be loved?
/u/Cardiobunny100
Created: Sat Nov 26 04:53:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ez5ns/does_anyone_else_want_to_be_forever_alone_on/
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Does anyone else feel like its burdening another person if they are "stuck" with you and cant date other people but have to date you when you feel like you dont deserve their monogamy and efforts at all? I feel like maybe if I had a skinny, hot body with a pair of fake breasts, then MAYBE i would be okay with someone else being stuck with me forever, but I would still feel guilty because I would feel like my face isnt good enough. Does anyone else feel this way? The feeling gets less invasive when I starve myself but when I eat normally, I just feel so bad that I have a boyfriend who wants to be with me forever and now hes stuck with me who is a fat blob. Does anyone get this feeling or something similar?

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No appetite and I'm loving it
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 26 03:57:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ez03j/no_appetite_and_im_loving_it/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Kind of a weird question about pants?
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Sat Nov 26 03:39:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eyycb/kind_of_a_weird_question_about_pants/
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I've always wondered what other bmi's and sizes of girls wear the same size jeans I do. I'm not sure why and it's kind of weird to ask people but I just am really curious. I'm 5'5 154.7 pounds and I wear size 3 jeans, hbu?

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[Discussion] What was your biggest binge ever?
/u/Salsa_waffle
Created: Fri Nov 25 23:46:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eya3t/what_was_your_biggest_binge_ever/
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I do not feel good right now, I binged all day again with thanksgiving food. I ate an entire pumpkin pie except for one piece that my brother ate, although he gave me half of it because he doesn't like pumpkin pie (wtf). All along with other foods such as turkey and mashed potatoes, my stomach hurts so bad right now. 😭 I can't wait until tomorrow when I go back to my regular restricting, anyways today was the worst I've ever eaten.

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Long time lurker, finally made an account to post this meme I saw...because it reminded me to take my post thanksgiving laxatives, and no one but you would understand.
/u/Extra_Chunky
Created: Fri Nov 25 22:47:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ey278/long_time_lurker_finally_made_an_account_to_post/
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https://i.redd.it/w8j32zg2kwzx.jpg

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[Help] Abilify
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 25 22:09:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5exwug/abilify/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Why is it so hard to just eat an appropriate amount of food when you're hungry and not think about it the rest of the time?
/u/runnin-n-whey [5'4.5 | 116.8 | 19.92| -20 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 25 19:04:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ex6hq/why_is_it_so_hard_to_just_eat_an_appropriate/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ex6hq/why_is_it_so_hard_to_just_eat_an_appropriate/

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[Tip] Tips for starting back up?
/u/cactirootz
Created: Fri Nov 25 18:55:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ex514/tips_for_starting_back_up/
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[removed]

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[Help] Water weight and extreme hunger
/u/concuidado [4'11 | 83 lbs | 17.8 | -62| F]
Created: Fri Nov 25 18:39:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ex2i3/water_weight_and_extreme_hunger/
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I have been over eating A LOT these past 3 weeks. I finally got down to 82 lbs and tried to increase my calories to maintain but now im overeating bc i'm hungry all the god damn time. now bc all the water weight it says im 100lbs which I counted the calories I was over eating and I could only really gain to 88 at the most and the 12 extra pounds must be water weight. But I am so bloated and can't get back on track bc I feel like I already messed up so much.I do want to recover but I hate how I look now(i know a lot is bloating but still) I was fine at 82 lbs and I screwed it up :-(
Has anyone had a problem/problems like this? Do you have any tips for getting back on track and get rid of the water weight?

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[Goal] Hiking! [goal]
/u/099103501 [166cm | cw 111lbs| bmi 18.3]
Created: Fri Nov 25 17:02:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ewn3z/hiking_goal/
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I've been struggling with ED thoughts a lot lately. I haven't been able to eat as much as I'd like to try and recover and instead have been losing more weight :/. But! Today I completed my very first solo hiking trip at 17. I used that as motivation to meet my goal of maintaining yesterday and today, I'm really quite proud of myself. Can't faint from hunger when you're halfway up a snowy mountain in the Canadian Rockies. Look how [pretty](https://imgur.com/gallery/cgLTM) ! I'm so thankful for how supportive everyone in this community is

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[Rant/Rave] I just learned my mother had an ED all this time
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Fri Nov 25 16:22:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ewgfu/i_just_learned_my_mother_had_an_ed_all_this_time/
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After going home for thanksgiving, I had the darkest realization about my mother. An eating disorder is one of those things I'd never expect my parents to have, because they're adults and VERY in control of their lives (from the outside only, I guess).

When I was younger, my mother would have episodes of eating only half a piece of meat and half a ladle of soup, and she got a "stomach flu" almost every week, and always threw up when my father was working. It kinda makes sense now. My dad was also an "important" man so they'd be at dinner parties often, and she would always buy dresses one size down and diet for them. I though that was normal.

Now I know she couldn't help it, but I used to resent her when I was younger because she'd lecture me about how men only loved delicate women. She would restrict my food intake really carefully, giving me exactly 4 oz of chicken breast and exactly 15 peas. I thought it was a quirk or something, I mean, she was my mother.

Yesterday, she yelled at me because she knew I was relapsing, like she just saw it in me even though I was eating all the turkey and gravy and potatoes on my plate, with a pained look on my face, but eating nonetheless. I asked her how she knew and she told me she could tell. I didn't really understand, so she told me she went through a similar "phase" herself. For the rest of dinner I just kinda watched her, and no matter what she says about it being over I could see it in her too. She was playing with her food, chewing for excessively long times, eating one piece of corn at a time.. etc. This was a 50 year old woman, my mother, suffering through a mental illness, and she wasn't getting any help the way she got me help in high school. I feel awful, because in high school my mother took care of my ED under covers without my father learning, and she went through in-patient with me and helped me "recover," all the while suffering through the same thing herself. I can't believe I made her go through that, it must have been so hard. I don't know how to approach the situation but I feel oddly responsible for helping her even when I'm relapsing myself. Fuck I hope she's okay.

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[Help] help, my stomach makes whale sounds
/u/miugee [5'2 | CW: ? | BMI: 19.12 | WL: 25 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Nov 25 15:56:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ewc0y/help_my_stomach_makes_whale_sounds/
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i gained 20 pounds in 2 weeks. i was finally at my goal weight of 105 but then something happened and somehow my brain told me that nothing mattered anymore so it'd be okay to eat 7000 calories everyday. i'm not even exaggerating when i say i gained, i mean yeah 5 lbs of it is probably water weight, but my arms/face/stomach noticeably got thicker. i'm past the point of disappointment in myself lol i'm just... in a state of apathy at the moment.

anyway! during school, my stomach makes the worst noises and it's so damn embarrassing. any tips on how to stop my stomach from grumbling so loudly? i drink 2 L of water daily and stay hydrated throughout the day, so water doesn't seem to help very much

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Newbie Here
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 25 14:39:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5evys0/newbie_here/
---
[removed]

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[Intro] Don't know where I am
/u/allieee212 [5'1" | 85.6 lb | 16.97 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 25 13:41:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5evo83/dont_know_where_i_am/
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Hello everyone! I posted about this in the emotional support thread for November 24, but I later decided to post here as a separate thread. Most of this is exactly what I wrote in that post though.

I have struggled with an eating disorder for a few years by now. I'm *trying* to get better... at least, it's what I tell myself. I don't know what to do at this stage. My anxiety about food is reduced, so I guess mentally I'm recovered—or at least partly. But I'm still here because I don't think that my weight goals are mainstream/normal. However I'm worried about being triggered into more panic attacks just by being here. Like I'm kinda worried that I'll get advice which will cause me to eat too little or something. I don't really restrict a lot. 1000 kcal/day with exercise 6/7 days, and I still want to avoid amenorrhea and other side effects of malnutrition. I can't really post in a normal dieting thread because a) I still get triggered by ED-related things and b) my goal weights are not in the official healthy range.


Aside from that... I am scared about college. Eating with other people makes me extremely anxious. Ideally I could get a single-person dorm room. I hate dining halls and social gatherings most of the time...

So umm, nice to meet you guys, I guess. Don't really know if i belong here.

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[Other] Not sure if IF is helping or hurting ED
/u/skinnyhero [5' 4" | CW: 164.9 | 31.5% BF | -27.1 | NB/F]
Created: Fri Nov 25 12:35:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5evbyu/not_sure_if_if_is_helping_or_hurting_ed/
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I am truly getting a high out of intermittent fasting, and since I incorporated it into my life it broke me through a plateau, it's curbed a lot of cravings and helped me deal with hunger pangs efficiently. Plus its totally shrunk my stomach so I can't even eat a ton of food even when it is my feeding window.

I am not diagnosed, but I came here after I got into a b/p cycle in september, and have always had really bad body image issues (like, fantasize about carving my fat off with a knife and one bad weigh in makes me spiral issues and gender dysphoria exacerbated by weight in my hips and dysmorphia, seeing myself as heavier than I am... 20 lbs lost and I still feel like I look like I did on day 1.)

I can't tell if my IF is treating or enabling my disordered eating tendencies. I don't know where the line is anymore. It makes me feel like a faker who shouldn't be here, but I've had more support here than anywhere else.

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[Help] WARNING to all who use Old Spice Deodorants/Antiperspirants
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 25 12:34:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5evbso/warning_to_all_who_use_old_spice/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Yikes: I keep drinking too much and passing out, but each time I eat enough to hate myself in between :((
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 25 11:13:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5euwrd/yikes_i_keep_drinking_too_much_and_passing_out/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] Just got cussed out by my coworker
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 25 10:35:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eupqg/rant_just_got_cussed_out_by_my_coworker/
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On mobile; sorry y'all.

So my department at work unofficially decided to all bring in some food today and have a mini thanksgiving (again?!). I didn't bring food, because I don't eat anything before 5 or 6 pm every day, and I'm usually off work by then.

My coworker (who is in her 50's; I am 27) made banana bread for us and just literally cussed me out for not eating any.

She goes "One tiny little piece isn't going to make you gain weight, don't be a rude little bitch."

I countered that it would knock me out of ketosis, and it's very important to me to stick to my low carb diet.

She then said something along the lines of "How dare you refuse to eat something I cooked;" "I put time and labor into this and you're just throwing in my face;" etc etc etc.

I tried to say I ate WAYYYY too much food yesterday at Thanksgiving (though I really didn't) and couldn't possibly eat again so soon. That didn't work either.

Tried saying "I feel bad eating any food since I didn't bring any." That one backfired too.

Now she's talking shit about me to our other coworkers about how I'm ungrateful and snobby. The whole exchange went on WAY LONGER than it needed to, and probably never would've been so bad if we weren't in the fucking south.

What would y'all have done to defuse her? I've never seen someone get so rage-y that another person wouldn't eat their cooking. The whole thing is just ridiculous. My grandmother doesn't even do that crap, haha!

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[Discussion] What do you guys use to stay regular? (Possible TMI?)
/u/caseydoeswords [5'0 | c:125 | cgw:120 | 25f]
Created: Fri Nov 25 09:38:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eueol/what_do_you_guys_use_to_stay_regular_possible_tmi/
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Mobile so I can't flair. :c

I definitely have problems staying *ahem* regular. I use senna tea if I'm really getting uncomfortable or feeling gross, but I don't want to use it too often as I've heard it can darken and irritate your intestinal lining. I don't want to get too into laxatives in general, and I struggle to bring myself to eat more just for fiber. I sometimes use the 10-cal fiber one drops but so far can't tell that they make a difference.

What are your magic tricks to feel less backed-up? I HATE knowing I haven't gone in days. I normally go a week to a week and a half with no movements. :/ I just would like some kind of normalcy, even if it's tiny. Preferably without adding on to my calorie counts.

Help! Help! Someone help me poop! 🙈

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[Discussion] DAE get scared to check in on ProED after a bad week?
/u/eboneezah [169| Fat Cow | Not Yet There]
Created: Fri Nov 25 09:21:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eubmf/dae_get_scared_to_check_in_on_proed_after_a_bad/
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I had an operation this week and havent been able to work out and wont be for the next 2 weeks...those who know me, I used to work out 2x a day and Im starting to see the effects of not working out and not restricting..its not too crazy, but I can tell that I am "filling up" and I HATE IT!!!! Im stuck home, no distractions and nothing to keep me ffrom grazing. I also havent been on Pro ED since because I feel like a weak minded fucking loser. I need help. I really cant do ANY sports, except light walking because my surgery was really invasive but I am contemplating going to a yoga class or something. I just need to move and burn calories. Can someone please help me out?

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[Other] On this thanksgiving, I'm thankful for this sub.
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | 158 |26.8| -37 | F |]
Created: Fri Nov 25 09:19:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eub7u/on_this_thanksgiving_im_thankful_for_this_sub/
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Im on mobile but will flair when I can. I just wanted to take a minute to thank every single person who has made this sub such an awesome community. I don't know where I'd be without you guys. Especially around this time of year when everyone around you seems to think of the holidays in an entirely different way. Yesterday I did some things that I planned and some I did not and logging on this morning has seriously helped me move on instead of being overwhelmed by defeat. Hope you all have a great day ❤️

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[Rant/Rave] I think my health teacher knows i have bulimia but i dont get how.
/u/Ersgdog
Created: Fri Nov 25 08:10:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5etzf4/i_think_my_health_teacher_knows_i_have_bulimia/
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Ive been bulimic for a few months now and I don't think I have evident signs. My cheeks are sort of puffy and I'm always bloated, teeth a little ruined but I think those arent jaw dropping signs. I'm also normal bmi. Edit: I guess I also go to class with red eyes from purging sometimes but I don't think that's so evident.

I asked my teacher a question about why I'm always cold and he talked about how food makes us warm and that if you go through long periods without eating you are colder. There's a chance that he might be referencing how one time I just got water for lunch but do you know how sometimes you have this feeling someone knows something's wrong when they look at you?

I didn't think he could know before this but I think this hints at it, right? He's a very smart guy I think he has a phd in health science but I'm shocked and I don't know what gave it away?

Just curious what your guys thoughts or experience with this is.

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[Discussion] Eating Disorder Changing
/u/ummyeahokay [5'5" | 118 | 19.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 25 08:07:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5etyv1/eating_disorder_changing/
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For those of you who have dealt with an ED for a while, I'm curious if you've noticed how it has changed through the years. My therapist is always saying that EDs will morph when you start treating them, and I'm noticing how true that is. For example, when I started 8 years ago, I was dieting and working out religiously, and always hungry. I would fight the urge to eat too much, but occasionally I would and then I would fix it by purging and then working out some more. Classic bulimia. I was like that for years - always fighting a voracious appetite. But after being in recovery for a year, I relapsed during a fight with my boyfriend and stopped eating. There was significantly less purging involved, but it still happened. I was limiting my calories a lot, but still fighting the hunger. Went into treatment. Then my boyfriend and I broke up about two weeks ago, and I relapsed basically as soon as we did. But this time, I haven't been hungry at all. I've been content to skip meals and barely eat anything at all. There was one day this week that I got really hungry so I ate 2 or 3 small meals and then I have been good to go ever since. Eating is hard. It makes me nauseous. I'm not hungry anymore. This is sounding more like anorexia now, which is fine and dandy, but I'm just surprised because I have ALWAYS fought the urge to eat and now it's just clicked off. It makes me happy, of course, but I'm just interested to hear about how other people have seen theirs change.

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[Help] Looking for an accountability buddy
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 25 07:45:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5etvkr/looking_for_an_accountability_buddy/
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[removed]

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Naturally skinny girls?
/u/foldedpapercranes [5'6'' | 105lbs | bmi 17| F]
Created: Fri Nov 25 07:33:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ettlx/naturally_skinny_girls/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I failed at thanksgiving
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 25 06:41:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5etm9e/i_failed_at_thanksgiving/
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[deleted]

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! November 25, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Nov 25 05:11:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5etagh/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for November 25, 2016.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

**Rules**

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host.

Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, inspiration behind your OOTD (trying to look thin or cover up weightloss, etc.)!

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 25, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Nov 25 05:11:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5etaft/daily_food_diary_november_25_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 25, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Tip] Craving chocolate?
/u/morose_adipose [5'2 | 90 lbs | 17.05 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 25 04:32:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5et60c/craving_chocolate/
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I have found my savior. I have noticed that my cravings for sweets have gone crazy lately, and when I binge I tend to do it on sweet stuff....which is horrible because I eat keto and have for a long time so my body does not process carbs well at all anymore. Slip ups are horrible both mentally and physically.

I'm always searching for low-cal/low-carb ways to satisfy my sweet tooth and besides Quest bars, nothing really does it for me when my brain gets fixated on wanting something sweet. Except this week I discovered a generously sized 100 calorie bottle of chocolate Muscle Milk which is surprisingly amazing. And it has 20ish grams of protein and only 2g net carbs.

They are sort of expensive but less so than binge food and without the horrible guilt. And with all the protein, they are super filling!

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[Goal] I binged, but instead of feeling sorry for myself and going to sleep, I did something about it.
/u/nyopq [5'11 | 174.0 | 24.3 | GW: 115 | M]
Created: Fri Nov 25 04:23:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5et51b/i_binged_but_instead_of_feeling_sorry_for_myself/
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I was so doing so well. Thanksgiving rolled around, and I was feeling extremely anxious. Not with just the amount of food lying around, but also with the comments from extended family. ("are you okay? You been eating?") I ate about 850 calories with the family, and I felt pretty good about that. Then everybody left and it was just me sitting in my room, alone. I don't know what it was, but I felt really really hungry suddenly. Oh fuck, I thought. Here comes a binge. And it happened. Donuts, chips, cookies, chocolate. Probably 2500+ calories I ended up eating, on top of the 850 I had at dinner.

I felt awful. I felt like a failure, and I wanted to cry. But right before I did, I said "you know what? *No*. I'm tired of this. I will not be defeated by gross, greasy food." So I drank some water, put on a hoodie and threw my sneakers on, and headed out for a run in 32F weather.

I ended up running a 5K. I got home and sat on my bed. I had a stomach ache, but at least I burned off maybe 300 calories from running, so I felt good about that. But I decided it wasn't enough. So I rested for a little bit, got my shoes back on, and headed into the garage. I hopped on my bicycle trainer, like the things in spinning classes as they call them, and I did that. And let me tell you, these things absolutely TORCH calories. I did it for 150 minutes, and if calorie calculations are right, I burned about 700 calories doing it. Bam, 1000(?) total calories burned, just like that. It was probably only 2/4 of the food I ate, but you know what? That's only 2/4 of the food that will end up being fat on my body. I'm going to do the same thing tomorrow, and hopefully all the calories from this binge will be gone, and I can go back to losing.

I gave it some thought on what caused my binge. And I think my calorie goal was too low (1250.) I ride my bike to and from my moderately active job, so at the end of the day, I'm probably only consuming maybe 750 calories total? That's a decent amount for most of you ladies, but I am a 5'11 male and that is just too low. I feel weak and lightheaded all time with that amount.

So I am going to boost it up to 1500cal, and we'll see how things go. I'm going to start riding the trainer more, and maybe go for more runs.

I don't know why I'm writing this, and I apologize for it's length. Maybe when I go back and read this post it will remind to me to stay on track and help me learn from my mistakes.

thanks for reading.

Edit: no flair, on mobile.

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[Help] Does anyone else here encounter blood during purging?
/u/Cardiobunny100
Created: Fri Nov 25 01:11:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5esjoc/does_anyone_else_here_encounter_blood_during/
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I remember I never had blood come out with the purging and my throat before this one time, but I dont remember doing anything different from the other times I purged. Since this one time I havent purged at all, but now how do I get rid of my binge calories? :(

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[Help] weighing before and after thanksgiving dinner
/u/jrste310 [5 ft | 106 lb | 21.34 | -21.5| Female]
Created: Thu Nov 24 23:27:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5es73b/weighing_before_and_after_thanksgiving_dinner/
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omfg i gained 6 lbs and i didnt even binge that much help sos how much do you think i can like poop out tomorrow vs real weight? AHHHHH

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[Discussion] Any tall babes here? (Men/women)
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| fatty | GW 145 | -32.6lbs | 25F]
Created: Thu Nov 24 23:10:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5es4to/any_tall_babes_here_menwomen/
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Have you ever just thought about what it would be like to be short? Being tall is such a pain. Always the biggest and gifted with beautiful height, but real feel says that you're too tall, not toned and slimmed down enough, you'll never look like them.

I'm 6'0, body type is just bulky when I have weight on me and it kills me that I'll never be a cute lil pixie with blue and purple hair 😭

What are y'all thoughts?

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[Goal] I stayed around my allowance of 1450 calories!!
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| fatty | GW 145 | -32.6lbs | 25F]
Created: Thu Nov 24 22:55:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5es2sf/i_stayed_around_my_allowance_of_1450_calories/
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I may have slipped up but mostly cared about having a lovely time with my son and daughter. I had 1500 calories and I'm anxious as all get out but I'm proud of not straight up binging.
******************************************[winning ]()
**I hope everyone had a very wonderful day, everyone here is so lovely 💖**

---

Relapse is confusing as hell.
/u/itwasthewrongway
Created: Thu Nov 24 22:16:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5erxdv/relapse_is_confusing_as_hell/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] I got called a model today
/u/throwaway03199519 [5'5 3/4 | CW: 113.6 | GW: lmfao | HW: 136]
Created: Thu Nov 24 21:37:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5errwc/i_got_called_a_model_today/
---
Today i was showered in compliments and i was loving it. This is a petty conceded post but for once, i feel good about myself so im gonna really let myself feel confident and happy.

People were telling me that i stand and look like a model, looked "beautiful" and was even called "perfect". I really hope i can feel this confident tomorrow tbh because its always fleeting.

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel awful. My body is so awful.
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: 100 | -35 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 24 21:24:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5erq04/i_feel_awful_my_body_is_so_awful/
---
I'm an XS in clothes and a size 2 in pants, but I'm still so disgustingly fat. I ate only a bowl of chicken soup and a latte today and I still feel awful. I just want to be tiny. I hate being not skinny nor fat. I can't stand the mirror anymore.

---

[Rant/Rave] i hate my ed but i love it
/u/kennedyconnolly [5'9| 120 | 17.4]
Created: Thu Nov 24 21:07:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ernrf/i_hate_my_ed_but_i_love_it/
---
all i want to do is lose weight, be emaciated, maybe starve to death idk. im in "recovery" so i have a meal plan. i usually throw out lunch and exercise like crazy so i still haven't gained. but my other meals are watched by parents. today i had thanksgiving dinner at like 3:30, so i figured my parents would let me skip "dinner". NOPE. oh my god we got in the biggest fight over a sandwich. they kept telling me how i am ripping the family apart and being selfish, etc. i threw food, yelled back, but eventually after a lot of tears and guilt (after all, i ruined our family) i just ate it. god fucking dammit. i love my family and i feel bad for hurting them so much but FUCK. i wish my parents never caught on so i could starve in peace.

edit: mobile can't flair

---

[Rant/Rave] Victories!
/u/F0xQueen [5'2 | CW: 101 lbs | GW:96 | 19.14 | -14 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Nov 24 21:02:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ern0y/victories/
---
So every year, my cousins outdress me. They're not like, trying to do it, but they just grew up with quite a bit more money than we did, so they've always been able to afford better, nicer clothes than my family has. This year 2 of them commented that my outfit was cute, and my aunt said the same thing!
Also, my uncle asked my mom if I had lost weight, I saw them looking at me and I heard him say "she's tiny!"
This Thanksgiving was so great!

Edit: just found $50 in the pocket of a coat I haven't worn since last winter!

---

[Discussion] Soylent?
/u/Caulifloweryellow
Created: Thu Nov 24 20:43:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5erkcy/soylent/
---
I was thinking of buying some to take away the anxiety of cooking and measuring and just have one or two pouches a day and know exactly what im getting. Anyone experienced with this?

---

[Discussion] Thanksgiving Recovery Thread
/u/charredsouls
Created: Thu Nov 24 20:34:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eriyv/thanksgiving_recovery_thread/
---
Today was a complete disaster. I was planning on giving myself leeway to eat some chips, mashed potatoes, whatever sounded good - maybe 1500 calories max. I ended up going off the rails and having a 5000-calorie binge. Right now I feel like a worthless balloon full of junk food. My sides ache and I swear I can see myself becoming flabbier. However, instead of wallowing in self-pity, I wanted to do something positive: make a game plan for how I can recover from this.

**Here's what I'm going to do:**

*Thursday night*: try not to hate myself, realize that I can work this off and that I have recovered from binges this bad or worse before

*Friday*: fast, do some light exercise, go in the sauna, lots and lots of water

*Saturday*: restrict to 500 calories or less, intense exercise (2 hrs), sauna to sweat out more bloat, lots and lots of water

*Sunday*: restrict to 6-800 calories or less, intense exercise (2 hrs), lots and lots of water

*Monday*: fast, do some light exercise

*Tuesday*: weigh myself for first time since Thursday morning and pray that I am back to normal or at least within a pound

For those of you who lost self-control today: How are you going to fix it?

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate not being in control of my body, even when it's beneficial
/u/w-a-m-s
Created: Thu Nov 24 18:49:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5er4cq/i_hate_not_being_in_control_of_my_body_even_when/
---
Rant/rave, sorry no flair(I'm on mobile)

So yesterday and today I threw up several times and even though I knew it would help me lose weight I felt extremely anxious. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm bragging, I know some of you would love that(I overate to feel better anyway), but the whole time I couldn't stop worrying that it was because I had been restricting so hard and this was proof I was damaging my body. I hate it when I lose control of my body. Do any of you feel similarly?
:/

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else get a confidence boost when they see someone their age larger than them?
/u/Salsa_waffle
Created: Thu Nov 24 17:57:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eqx0n/does_anyone_else_get_a_confidence_boost_when_they/
---
Please don't judge, I'm not in a good place right now. But whenever I see a girl my age that is fatter than me I can't help but feel good and satisfied, I grew up always being the heaviest in the room. When I run into a fat girl it makes be relieved because she's distracting everyone else from my body. Does anyone else feel this way?

---

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend just told me he will be mad if I lose any weight and get too skinny.
/u/cuts-and-cats [5'2 | 115 GW: 95 | 21 | -25 lbs |F]
Created: Thu Nov 24 17:49:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eqvyg/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_he_will_be_mad_if_i/
---
Like wtf I still want to lose 25+ pounds and I've already lost 10 pounds since I saw him last and I won't see him for like 3 more months because we are long distance and in 3 months I'm really hoping to be like 20 pounds lighter when I see him but I don't want him to be mad..
Sorry random rant.
Can't flair on mobile [rant]

---

[Rant/Rave] i used my breakup as an excuse not to do thanksgiving this year
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Nov 24 17:40:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5equqf/i_used_my_breakup_as_an_excuse_not_to_do/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] An ALMOST bad day just got better
/u/CSUSBro [6'0" | 226 | 30.5 | -12lbs | Male]
Created: Thu Nov 24 15:47:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eqdyw/an_almost_bad_day_just_got_better/
---
The company I work for didn't get our time sheets in on time this week so instead of having money deposited last night like I was supposed to, it probably won't clear until Monday morning, so I was thinking I can't avoid dinner to go shopping- but I lucked out because my friend (who works at the same company as me) offered to front me cash for shopping if I went with her to help her get her shopping done!

And as an added bonus I found a body fat caliper with measuring tape on Amazon for $6!!! So now I have extra motivation to be as careful as possible this weekend with my eating so I don't feel extra disgusted when the caliper comes in this weekend!

During high school my parents stopped doing a big thanksgiving, and this year they decided to go all out because they're fixing up my childhood home to sell it and they wanted to enjoy one last holiday season in this house, so I'm really glad I have an excuse to have a tiny plate and take off running. I was getting serious anxiety thinking about being stuck in the house and being nagged about eating more or having seconds.

---

[Rant/Rave] Parents angry over binging (rant/advice please)
/u/poisonandvenom
Created: Thu Nov 24 15:25:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eqalh/parents_angry_over_binging_rantadvice_please/
---
So, I've been trapped in a binge/restrict cycle for longer than I care to admit. I'm usually good over the week, and then Friday/Saturday/Sunday I binge massively so I then have to spend the rest of the week getting rid of weight gained again.

It sucks.

I started doing 24hr fasts this week because my birthday is approaching as well as uni interviews and I *know* it's my own fault I'm not at my goal weight and there are exams coming up...

Anyway. I ended up binging tonight. And my parents are *pissed*. They have no clue I'm like this because I'm fat and fat girls don't have EDs, right? So it just looks like I went out to the kitchen and devoured an entire saucepan of rice that was meant to do for lunch. I barely even remember doing it.

I'm sick of binging, but my parents are always going on about how much I eat, even when I'm restricting or fasting, and now I'm worried they'll notice something is up. I don't know what to do. I'm tired from studying and stressed and I really wanted to be thin by now. I told myself I would be thin before I hit 18 and here I am, still fat. What do I do?

---

[Rant/Rave] Ehhhhhh [rant/rave ]
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Thu Nov 24 14:48:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eq4f9/ehhhhhh_rantrave/
---
I told myself I wouldn't purge today, that I would let myself eat whatever my family brings to thanksgiving and just try to enjoy it. And I DID enjoy it. But then I got home, boyfriend went to his grandmas and I'm heading over separately in a few min. I had this moment alone and I was so painfully full and I purged. I didn't try to get it all out, just enough so I didn't feel sick wearing my jeans (that are too loose already, brand new ugh money). I feel better but I'm disappointed in myself. I just kept thinking how I should have just restricted, eaten a smaller plate and called it a day. And I did compared to the rest of my family. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh oh well.

Took some meat for leftovers and starting back on keto tomorrow. My joints have been killing me in the last two weeks that I went off of keto and just restricted instead. I'm still losing but my god I'm so sore. I think I have early stages of rheumatoid arthritis.

Off to my boyfriends grandmas house now, where it smells like stale pipe tobacco, wet dog, and cat piss. I just want to stay home and decorate for Christmas.

---

[Other] Bug in scale made me dream again :)
/u/cannibale101 [5'4 | HW:150smtg | CW: 115.2 | GW:108 | 28F]
Created: Thu Nov 24 13:53:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eput0/bug_in_scale_made_me_dream_again/
---
I think my scale's batteries are getting weak, or my floor isn't flat enough (old building) or something. Yesterday i went to the vet with my two cats and the scale there didn't even show the same numbers as what i saw at home... Mine seems to underestimate, which pisses me off, but i'm not sure if it could be because the cats are too light for a scale meant for humans to perceive accurately.

BUT this morning i weighed myself anyway and there was some bug in it and it showed 113.0, while i'm actually around 120.0 right now (according to a possibly underestimating scale though). Even knowing it's not the truth, it was a nice feeling just to see that number for the first time in years and it made it feel more achievable, more real than it's felt in the last few months of plateau.

So i guess i'm back to losing now :) Yay!

---

[Help] I have a massive appetite and I feel like I'm in the danger zone of a major binge.
/u/imnotgonnadoanything
Created: Thu Nov 24 12:09:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5epcnf/i_have_a_massive_appetite_and_i_feel_like_im_in/
---
I'm very anxious and I need to talk to someone. I'm also looking for any tips on avoiding it. I can't sleep, because my body is somehow convinced it's starving, despite me pouring 2000 calories of low-carb food in it throughout the day. I've restricted/binge eaten for 11 months, but is attempting to recover.
Last time I tried to recover, something like this happened as well and I gained sixteen lbs ABD was thrust right back into my ED, now worse than ever.
What the fuck do I do? I'm really scared.

---

[Discussion] The difference 4 lbs makes
/u/deaths_head_hawkmoth [5'5" | 92 | 15.5 | -38 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 24 10:45:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eox9o/the_difference_4_lbs_makes/
---
I came home for Thanksgiving, which is the first time I've seen my mom since early August. Yesterday morning, she came into my room teary-eyed, sat down on my bed, and said "You were looking okay when you last were here. I thought you were finally recovering. But you're back to looking sick again and it breaks my heart to see you doing this. I can tell you've lost weight."

I honestly couldn't believe it. I've only lost 4 lbs, but I look huge still, and I'm nowhere near my lowest. I feel absolutely awful for what I have put my mom through, but at the same time I can't stop. I'm planning to get down to 80-85 and maintain, but if being 92 worries my mom so much I don't know how I will be able to. We have always been so close, but my AN has been pushing us apart for the last few years.

Anyone else in the same situation? How can I reconcile my mom's feelings and my goals?

---

[Rant/Rave] All of you get to envy me.
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 109 | 19.9 | -11 lbs UGW: 96 lbs | Female]
Created: Thu Nov 24 10:29:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eouda/all_of_you_get_to_envy_me/
---
I have a stomach virus on thanksgiving. My husband saw me throw up twice without putting my finger in my mouth at all, so they know I'm not crying wolf. I feel like hell, but guess who gets to sip diet spite and not ingest one single calorie?!!

Edit: Kay, can any bulimics help me out here? My guts are really sore and I'm throwing up green now. The Internet told me I need to go to the hospital, but, y'know, it's the Internet.

---

[Help] I havent weighed myself in like, weeks
/u/kafka__dreams
Created: Thu Nov 24 10:26:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eottb/i_havent_weighed_myself_in_like_weeks/
---
Normally I do it several times a day but I cant bring myself to this time. I'm still eating below matinence but not as much as I would like. I cant bear to see it go up. But maybe I need to see it so I can motivate myself to restrict more. Anyone else been here? Maybe I'll fast for a day or so, then weigh myself. Hmm.


Edit- okay I weighed myself. It really wasn't as bad as I thought. Time to make it go down again!

---

[Rant/Rave] I am such a fucking hypocrite
/u/PaisleyStars
Created: Thu Nov 24 10:16:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eorsj/i_am_such_a_fucking_hypocrite/
---
Today, I sat across from a student and stressed the importance of eating. I told her how she could get help when she was ready for it and talked her through dealing with her emotions through methods other than starvation. I asked her how we could work together to make sure she had enough energy to get through the day. I acted like eating a sensible amount of food really was the only option and now I hate myself, so that's fun.

Bonus fuckery: she's coming to see me with her packed lunch tomorrow.

---

[Other] I hope you all have a wonderful thanksgiving ladies and gents.
/u/TiredOfBeingFat_ [6'0"| CW251 |BMI34 | 22lost | GW130]
Created: Thu Nov 24 10:12:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eor4r/i_hope_you_all_have_a_wonderful_thanksgiving/
---
I've been pmsing and in binge mode the past couple of days so today is gonna be a piece of cake, or should I say pie for me. Haha. I have like three different places to visit and eat at today.

But honestly I think thanksgiving is the perfect time to binge if anytime. And I'm gonna try hard to get back on track after all the leftovers are gone. (or so I say. Lol)

Enjoy the time with families, and possibly the food if you want to. I wish everyone a stress free holiday today. ❤

---

[Help] How much fat do you need to take multivitamins?
/u/yummmies [5'4" | 115 | 20.0 | -50 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 24 09:40:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eol1n/how_much_fat_do_you_need_to_take_multivitamins/
---
I like taking my vitamins in the morning but I know you need to take certain vitamins with food/fats. I'm thinking of buying some almonds and eating maybe 3-5 in the mornings and taking 2 multivitamins gummies and 2 calcium gummies with them. Is something like 5 almonds too little to take vitamins with?

---

[Rant/Rave] Happy Thanksgiving!
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 24 08:10:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eo5gv/happy_thanksgiving/
---
I'm binging today. It's almost 11 am and I've already ate myself sick on breakfast casserole. Nothing can save me now hahaha. I'm trying to be kind to myself and I hope all of yall can have an easy, kind, wonderful day as well. 😙😙😙

---

[Other] Thanksgiving!
/u/Castoroilexperiment [5'6 | 105 | 29F| 17.68]
Created: Thu Nov 24 07:44:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eo1fx/thanksgiving/
---
Hopefully everyone's thanksgiving is wonderful and as free of stress as possible. It truly is about spending time with those you love, and not the food. Eat, or don't eat. Just take it easy, and try to have a beautiful day. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt, because at the end of the day, they probably do love you and want the best for you.

---

[Help] Jealous sister... [Help/Mega rant]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Nov 24 07:33:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5enzm0/jealous_sister_helpmega_rant/
---
[deleted]

---

[Other] I'm finally at peace with why I'm like this.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Nov 24 06:11:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5enoaj/im_finally_at_peace_with_why_im_like_this/
---
There wasn't any trauma in my childhood about weight. I'm entirely comfortable with my body. I've never been overweight. Nobody's ever called me overweight. I'm not even part of the gender that usually suffers from an ED.

But now that I'm suicidal again, I've finally figured it out, figured out why even when I was happy, I still was like this. It's because self-starvation is basically a slow form of dying, and I rather enjoy that. It all makes sense now, and I'm getting closer to being underweight. I don't want to do so fatally, I'll just be happier when I reach that BMI goal that's only ten pounds away.

---

[Rant/Rave] REACHED MY FIRST MINI GOAL WEIGHT TODAY!!!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Nov 24 06:04:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5enneq/reached_my_first_mini_goal_weight_today/
---
[deleted]

---

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support November 24, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Nov 24 05:07:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5enggh/weekly_emotional_support_november_24_2016/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 24, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Nov 24 05:07:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5engfs/daily_food_diary_november_24_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 24, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] I used to be able to 'write good', now I don't. Anyone else experienced anything like this?
/u/smokesanddietcokes [Everybody's Fool]
Created: Thu Nov 24 02:41:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5emzs9/i_used_to_be_able_to_write_good_now_i_dont_anyone/
---
This is something I've been noticing more and more recently.

Before things got 'bad' with restricting and fasting, I was pretty articulate, at least when I wrote. Words came quite easily to me, I could form sentences quite quickly (coherently too), my grammar was good and everything flowed and I very rarely misspelled words.

It's not like that anymore. Forming sentences is really hard. I can't find the right words. Much of the time when I write, my writing and sentences seem jumbled and my grammar is awful. I don't seem to be able to spell, and nor do I seem to be able to notice quickly when I have misspelled a word. Sometimes a word I don't at all mean to use, and makes no sense, randomly takes the place of a word I did mean to use - like my brain goes AWOL in the middle of a sentence for a moment. Or like my brain has a particularly annoying 'auto-correct' function that's ALWAYS wrong.

I struggle with what tense of words to use. I randomly add letters to the end of words, especially if it's something like I mean to type 'actual', I'll instead type 'actually' without even realising. I am constantly editing what I write because if I don't, it's a total mess - and yeah, often I don't even realise enough to edit before, say, posting something online.

Not that I think there's anything bad/wrong about people who *naturally* struggle with writing and language at all btw, it doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things and personally I don't think it means a damn jot in regards to someone's actual intelligence if they naturally struggle with these things - but it's a new thing to me. What I mean is, I used to not struggle at all, and now I do to an EXTREME, so perhaps it's like my brain is conking out. I think *naturally* struggling with man-made language because you do, as some people do because their brain is just wired that way is meaningless in regards to how intelligent someone actually is (Einstein was dyslexic, for example), and that is very different from *starting* to struggle, without natural cause, without your brain being 'wired-that-way', because your brain function and intelligence *is* infact suffering. If that makes sense?

I've heard that when you restrict your intake, your brain function suffers. I wonder if this is what it is, why I struggle writing/language now when writing/language was one of the very few things I had a grasp with. I think it's what it is.

Has anyone else noticed anything like this, at all? Not necessarily with writing, just anything.

*(P.S - this is why you'll see my posts on reddit edited a lot, haha. I've either corrected something like spelling or grammar, or deleted something I didn't mean to put - like random words - or added in things I MEANT to include, but only half included, or didn't include at all!)*

---

[Discussion] Perception of clothing sizes?
/u/yes2theaddress [5'8 | CGW:135 | f]
Created: Thu Nov 24 02:03:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5emvgf/perception_of_clothing_sizes/
---
I have some jeans that fit me now, I remember when I bought them they seemed tiny when I first held them up, but now they seem a lot bigger. The same with other items of clothing. This also applies to my perception of people, as I get smaller the people who I used to think looked thin now seem average. I dunno, do other people experience this? It's messing with my head a bit!

---

[Other] [Poem] Little girl, you're playing in a game you can't win.
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 24 01:06:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5emovj/poem_little_girl_youre_playing_in_a_game_you_cant/
---
You look into your reflection

And you see nothing but cracks and bones

But you feel nothing but thickness

All the way down to your core


You try to get in touch with reality

But it seems so far out of reach

So you take that little pill

And slip further away from their grips

Your bones ache, your legs shake, you feel your arms gain weight

Your hair falls by the clumps

You feel yourself losing love

It’s just temporary, you say


But you keep going on

You can have your fun once you’re done

But it never ends, it’s a race you have to outrun


Don’t worry, little girl

You’ll reach your goal someday

It’ll be fine, it’s just a little pain

Don’t worry, little girl

It will fade away, soon the pain will be over

And you can float away


You’re desperate for control

You’re desperate for the high

You’re slowly getting smaller, and you don’t really mind

It’s less space for you to take

A smaller target for eyes that prey

You dream of that day when you will drift away


But I’m sorry little girl, it’s not your time

You just keep working hard, it’s not that far of a climb

You’ll soon reach the end of that faraway quest

And you’ll live your dreams

But honey, it’s not what it seems


It’s all a lie,

You'll never win

---

The fat ones always sit beside me
/u/ctrl_alt_mermaid
Created: Thu Nov 24 00:32:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5emksy/the_fat_ones_always_sit_beside_me/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] You're not fat, it's just loose skin making you look bigger.
/u/ChubbyBunny8 [5'2" | 133 | 25.20 | -17 | 28F]
Created: Thu Nov 24 00:31:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5emkrp/youre_not_fat_its_just_loose_skin_making_you_look/
---
My ex tried to convince me that I was at a normal weight and didn't need to lose, after previously saying that I was overweight ad estimating me at 40 lbs higher than I am. This was his attempt. Needless to say, it was not helpful.

I suppose this is a rant. I'm on mobile.

---

[Tip] Can I have some fasting tips?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Nov 24 00:12:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5emiaf/can_i_have_some_fasting_tips/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Is it possible to avoid looking stuck-up when refusing junk food?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 23 23:09:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5em9tg/is_it_possible_to_avoid_looking_stuckup_when/
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[deleted]

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5 million people have asked me if I've lost weight in the 24 hours that I've been home
/u/sorryqueen [5'2" | dreadful | F]
Created: Wed Nov 23 22:47:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5em6qj/5_million_people_have_asked_me_if_ive_lost_weight/
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I love it, but also I don't want anyone look at me because I'm a literal troll. I just want to be asked normal questions that don't center around what I'm eating and how much weight I've lost. Ask me about school or boys or pets, I don't know, ugh.

Only two more days to go. I can do this. Anyone else having struggles out there, we can do this.


Right?

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[Help] What kind of tea would you recommend for someone who doesn't typically like tea?
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | F]
Created: Wed Nov 23 21:31:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5elvkl/what_kind_of_tea_would_you_recommend_for_someone/
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Edit thank you for all of the amazing suggestions!

Do you just sweeten it to the point where you enjoy the taste, like people do when they start drinking coffee? I like black coffee, but I'd like to start drinking tea on the reg and haven't typically enjoyed it in the past. Exceptions would be some oolong blend I vaguely remember trying a sample of at Teavana once, and London Fog which is basically a honey-sweetened almond milk and earl grey drink. I also have also purchased some Tazo orange delight or something like that based on how enjoyable it was when I was stoned at the movies, but I'm starting to realize different teas are good for different moods and I just don't know wtf I'm doing.

How do you start enjoying tea regularly? How do you find a tea you want to have more than once? How do you know if you'll like a tea, and what do you do if you end up on purchasing something you don't like? Are all teas equally good at appetite suppression or only the ones with caffeine and/or senna?

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[Help] So, I made up my mind months ago to eat normally with my fam during the holidays; unexpected hitch. Cough. Helpasistaout.
/u/thisthingagain [5'3 | 125.6| 22.76 | 19 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 23 20:47:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5elp39/so_i_made_up_my_mind_months_ago_to_eat_normally/
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First: celebration! I did it today! I'm so proud of myself! I ate exactly what they did, and with a happy face. I powered through, didn't taste much, and no one is the wiser about my relapse.

A few weeks ago I fought back tears when my husband made my coffee with unmeasured cream so I couldn't log calories properly. Today, I did my best to eat both lunch (chicken nuggets) and dinner (pork, mac n cheese, salad, carrots). Luckily it was mostly healthy, as I only got a small spoonful of the mac n cheese. I even cleaned my plate so no one would notice

And now I'm sitting in the restroom, sick as a dog. I realize now that I haven't had fats like this in months. Or sugar (the dressing on the salad was honey based). The cramps are unreal! Holy moly!

I'm pushing through anxieties and putting on a happy face for my parents' sake, because they don't know I've relapsed for the first time in five years. But IDK how I'm going to eat like them tomorrow without running to the bathroom constantly! IDK what to doooo.

How do I stop pooping?!


Haaaaalp.

Edit- mobile. Can't flair. Sorry!

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[Rant/Rave] I got a job that requires showing my stomach...
/u/possiblycurious [5'5"| 141| -9lbs| F]
Created: Wed Nov 23 19:42:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5elf3k/i_got_a_job_that_requires_showing_my_stomach/
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Soooo,

I got a job at a "brestaurant". The uniform is skimpy- lots of leg, stomach, and chest. I applied yesterday, got an interview today, and start Friday.


It's a great motivation to stay svelte.

---

[Goal] Random picture but I was weirdly pleased with how small my calves looked today. Can't flair on mobile. [Goal?]
/u/cuts-and-cats [5'2 | 115 GW: 95 | 21 | -25 lbs |F]
Created: Wed Nov 23 19:35:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ele20/random_picture_but_i_was_weirdly_pleased_with_how/
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http://imgur.com/9CAANIL

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[Help] Scared about tomorrow
/u/Thunder2WonderThighs
Created: Wed Nov 23 19:02:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5el8tn/scared_about_tomorrow/
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It's stupid. It's just another day but I have so much anxiety around it. Last year, Thanksgiving was the first day I purged. I tried to ease my nerves by fasting today but I ended up eating an entire sleeve of crackers, and thought about purging them but I didn't. So now I'm not going into tomorrow with any deficit :-(

I'm planning to eat a whole package of shiritaki noodles before heading to friendsgiving so I can't eat that much, but I just feel like I'm going to fuck up...

Edit: aaaaaaaaand now I've binged massively. To the point of pain. Great. Such a failure...

---

[Rant/Rave] rantrantrantrant
/u/kinaadman [5'1" | SW 210 | CW 110 | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 23 18:37:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5el4ua/rantrantrantrant/
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Yesterday I did so well. I was going to do an intermittent fast, the 16:8 kind. I did so well. And then it got to ten PM and I had a drink of something and then that led to eating something and then that led to a binge, which led to a purge, which led to a spiral of self-loathing and no sleep.

This morning I ate breakfast. I ate a giant breakfast. I ate my whole day's calorie limit (1200) at. Breakfast. So I won't eat for the rest of the day.

It is only 9:34. Lucky I am equipped with liters of water and tea.

I'm trying to get better, healthier, and last week I had a good week, but this week it just feels impossible. I don't know where I'm going wrong. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to die, now. I would rather die than keep going through this trash spin cycle of better-worse-better-worse.

I'm not going to do anything stupid, like go try and off myself or anything, but days like these I seriously just want to literally bash my head against a wall until my whole face breaks and my teeth fall out of my head.

Fuck this.

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[Rant/Rave] Annoying vent
/u/scaredalternate [5'5'' | 163 | GW 160 | UGW 120 | -57lbs | M]
Created: Wed Nov 23 17:29:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ektjq/annoying_vent/
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Sorry about this annoying vent, but I have nobody else I can really talk to.

I exercised about 300 calories off today, and was extra hungry so rather than 180 calories I usually eat, I decided to eat 500 calories. This didn't sit well in my brain so I chugged a bunch of water and sat in the washroom for 30 minutes with a toothbrush down my throat but nothing came up.

Now my brain is just like "You've already ruined it all, go order a pizza and get subway, mcdonalds, ice cream, and poutine." I literally want everything right now but I won't because Christmas is coming up and if I gain weight before then I will feel like a failure. Now I'm just filled with water and ricecakes, bloated, and my abdomen muscles hurt from heaving so much with no success. :(

I just want to be with my boyfriend, drunk, and not have to think about anything right now.

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[Rant/Rave] No one even cared...
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 25.11 | -60lbs | M]
Created: Wed Nov 23 17:13:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ekqjs/no_one_even_cared/
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I went dark on all my social media back in September when all this started. I logged out of everything and isolated myself. Cut to last week when I finally decide to log back in. Guess what I find.

Nothing. No messages, no comments, no tweets. No one even cared. Once I started being active on twitter again I got a tweet from someone saying they missed me, but they couldn't have missed me that fucking much cause they didn't remember my existence until I was there to remind them.

So all this week, new posts and tweets and I even put up a new video on my unsuccessful YouTube channel. No one commented or tweeted me back or cared.

It might sound fucked up but I was hoping to find at least a few people who were super sad or freaked out by my disappearance. It would have made me feel like I mattered at least. But I don't matter and no one gives a shit about me.

Sorry for the whiny 'poor me' post, I just wanted to vent. Thank you for reading.

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How do I do this?!
/u/mstamp8790
Created: Wed Nov 23 16:15:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ekgav/how_do_i_do_this/
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I see that a lot of people here have, like... a tag? After their name? I'm new here and to reddit in general, please don't judge me if this is "common knowledge." I haven't noticed it in any other subs though.... so I thought I'd ask here.

How do I do it and what are all the different numbers and stuff you use? I think I understand most of it: obviously age, gender, current/ goal weight. Some people have more though... and I don't understand those? Someone please help!

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[Discussion] What's the longest stretch you've heavily restricted?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 23 15:27:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ek7m8/whats_the_longest_stretch_youve_heavily_restricted/
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[deleted]

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Keto and ED
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| fatty | GW 145 | -32.6lbs | 25F]
Created: Wed Nov 23 14:47:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ejzqi/keto_and_ed/
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Definitely was a previous fear of mine, eating high fat foods. I've found this diet in particular to be a godsend though...
My carbs are under 18g a day, protein under 72 g and I'm allowed 123g of fat.
I never come close to the fat because I can hit 15-17g of carbs by lunch and I can't eat for the rest of the day because going over my macros (even if I'm doing a workout that night) makes me an anxious worry wart...
I've lost 12-14 lbs (depending on how much water I drink), I'd say give this a try, this literally switches your body from burning carbs and sugar to burning pure fat.

I did have carbs yesterday but during my work out I had to stop because I literally expelled all contents of my stomach (not throwing up I know tmi ugh).
I'm still steadily losing too, and I keep my calories under 1000 with exercising for an hr at the gym.

If you have any questions about this diet, feel free to ask! I've done hours of research on this before switching to very low carb.

Best of all, the high fat and moderate protein makes you feel full longer too!

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[Discussion] when choosing between a boy with pizza and no boy at all...
/u/sylphlike [5'4 | hmm. | hurr. | -9.6 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 23 14:18:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ejtqh/when_choosing_between_a_boy_with_pizza_and_no_boy/
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over the years, i've managed to solidify the idea in people's heads that i don't eat in public. (mostly because i avoid it by any means necessary.) in fact, at a funeral this week, quite a few people were kind enough to jokingly comment on this. (fortunately the recently deceased was not too close to me for this to be insensitive... in that regard.) and most of my friends/ acquaintances/ people i know have never seen me eat. (I'm trying to keep that going.) unfortunately, sometimes remembering this makes me try extra hard to seem normal in front of people. because... normalcy, right? it's a thing.


so i was hanging out with a boy i liked, who decided he wanted to buy me vegan pizza. (because every once in a while, the "I'm vegan" thing doesn't bother people.) i could've said no, for the record. he ordered slices (YES. SLICE-S AS IN PLURAL.) for both of us, ate his in no time flat, and proceeded to watch me eat in all of my discomfort. my leg shaking, lip biting, sudden itchy skin, "oh dear god why does it have so much grease," discomfort. pretty sure he could tell. it took me about five minutes to mentally prepare myself for the first bite. i know... pathetic. and he just stared at me like i had three heads.


anyway, it was horrible and as much as i like him, he likes pizza too much. so, that's the end of that.


please tell me I'm not the only one to reject someone because of the way they eat. i feel terrible but i never want to eat with him ever again. and pizza is undoubtedly going to rear its ugly head again. anyone else ever been here?

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[Goal] Sunday
/u/zomboooo [5'7|115|18.1|-2|NB]
Created: Wed Nov 23 14:14:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ejt1h/sunday/
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Okay I'm giving myself until Sunday. I'm grieving the end of a (not even) relationship where I got used and I'm giving myself until Sunday to just eat and not give a fuck. Once Sunday comes I'll start new and hold myself accountable.


This semester has sucked.

Edits: all support is welcome lmao I'm suffering

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[Rant/Rave] Halo Top is a fucking savior
/u/tenderwake
Created: Wed Nov 23 13:32:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ejkq3/halo_top_is_a_fucking_savior/
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Pricey but Halo Top is SO worth it. I work at an ice cream place with constant temptation but I'm going right off our super sugary, candy filled treats in preference of the specific tastes and textures of Halo Top. I'm so happy I can go home to ice cream after working around it. Stops me feeling crazy and like I'm missing out...

Thus far, mint chip is my favourite! I bump it up with some fat free whip and it's >300 cals for the pint. Could cry with joy rn. I'm actually feeling distaste for my work's ice cream where just a cone can hit that 300! Useless stuff. And the protein content of Halo Top is gonna get me good after my 2 mile walk home from work too... love it love it love it. Feeling very competent and grounded in my deficit. Just wanted to share good news and a positive food review.

Happy vibes, guys.

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[Discussion] Thinking of going vegetarian to help restricting.
/u/082616 [5' 6.5"/132/22/F]
Created: Wed Nov 23 12:49:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ejbj6/thinking_of_going_vegetarian_to_help_restricting/
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I say this, yet tomorrow I'll be having turkey because my mom made it and I'll feel bad if I don't eat it cuz only my mom and I will be having it. And also if I don't she'll immediately start asking why, ask if I've been losing weight, if I ate much that day, etc. But after tomorrow I really want to start getting into it again. Also, my youngest bro is vegetarian and his body is goals, seriously. I don't mean anything sexual of course but he is soooo skinny and probably half of that is cuz he doesn't eat meat. And one last thing. I live with my dad. He eats meat in every one of his meals. Ugh. But at the same time I am really looking forward to this. I mean, yes, not for very good reasons but still, haha, something to look forward to is always nice.

Who else here is vegetarian and what's your experience with it?

P.s. Vegetarian or not, I wish you the best of luck with thanksgiving. I plan on just eating a little bit of turkey and a can of green beans.

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[Discussion] Has anyone else here had serious trauma?
/u/sleepiestpuppy
Created: Wed Nov 23 12:34:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ej8jx/has_anyone_else_here_had_serious_trauma/
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I just feel really alone. I was raped last year. Yesterday had a gynecology appointment and I can't stop binging

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[Rant/Rave] Genetics are a real bitch.
/u/wildstylemeth0d
Created: Wed Nov 23 12:28:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ej78x/genetics_are_a_real_bitch/
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I just want to chat real quick about this girl I know.

She is naturally tiny, with long sinewy limbs, skinny legs, and a tight stomach with a 6 pack. Her nose has a natural slope and her lips are plump. Her olive skin is flawless, and she doesn't wear makeup, ever. Her hair is thick and dark brown and straight. She doesn't even blow dry it, just showers and goes, and it naturally looks like she just got a blowout. Her teeth are straight and white and not abnormally shaped. She smokes cigarettes but her skin is always plump, she drinks a lot and stays up late but her undereye circles never show, and she naturally radiates health.

Meanwhile, myself on the other hand, am naturally averagely built, a true "mesomorph." I have pale skin with a pink, reddish hue. I never tan. In terms of face, my nose has a huge bump in it, my lips are non-existent, I have bumps on my skin that I need to exfoliate off. I quit smoking but when I did smoke, my skin was sallow, bumpy and gross. My teeth are quick to yellow, and if I am not well rested, my underage circles are huge and purple. Also, even though I did have braces, my teeth have shifted and are now crooked again. My hair is wavy, frizzy, and thin.

I spend so many hours fixing these issues. I wake up, straighten my hair, whiten my teeth, self tan, tediously apply makeup to make my face look somewhat pretty. It takes me an hour or more to get ready.

I have spent so much money - I have to dye my hair, get a keratin treatment, get invisalign for my crooked teeth, get lip injections.

I have to starve myself to make my body look small and petite.

I can't help but think of what would have happened if I was blessed with good genetics. If I could just wake up, shower, throw on some clothes, go about my day eating whatever I want and doing whatever I want and still radiate health and beauty, and have people talk in awe of my body and beauty. Where would my life be now? Would I have more money, better relationships, a better job? More time? Would I be happier?

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[Rant/Rave] Something I've realized...
/u/APairofScales [5'6" | CW:Too Much | BMI:Nope| Weight Lost:Too Little | Male]
Created: Wed Nov 23 12:00:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ej1a3/something_ive_realized/
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Over the past week I've been coming to terms with the fact that I'm stuck in an abusive family situation, which I've realized is a huge factor in my disordered eating. Since then I've noticed, in my clearer moments, the cravings and compulsions are alot easier to deal with, because I've realized this isn't something that's a part of me. Its something that came from outside of me, something I can change.

The problem is I'm still stuck in this mess, broke and isolated, and I don't know how to get out of it. I know now I have a chance to get better, but only if I can get myself out of this. I don't know what to do.

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[Discussion] I'm feeling both exhilarated and frightened by ED this week. I realized some of the paradoxes of this disorder:(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 23 11:45:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eiybb/im_feeling_both_exhilarated_and_frightened_by_ed/
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I've been restricting/not bingeing so effortlessly these past few days, about a week now. After literally MONTHS of "starting over" EVERY single day after night binges. I managed to maintain and fluctuate between 121-126. I rarely ever saw 120. Now the scale is consistently 119.0 to 119.4

It's emotionally so weird. I'm relieved I'm not bingeing and "happy" because I'm losing weight and I'm getting a ton of things done and I feel light and dainty and wonderful and empowered and successful and sexy and unthreatened. But I also feel...extremely fearful.

For example, I get slightly panicky throughout the day over whether I look "sickly" with "grey skin" and "thinning hair". I'll see women out in the world with sickly thin figures and think "ugh omg do I look that sickly? Do people look at me because I look scary and not because I look good like I think I do?"

My body dysmorphia has diminished in that I always feel empty so I always feel thin and light. However, it has increased in that when I DO eat something, I feel 150 pounds until I feel hungry again. I've completely lost my appetite so I force myself to eat my safe foods, and even those make me feel sick full. Eating has become aversive this week so quickly.

I'm also annoyed because I'm more driven than ever to get to the gym (I have that manic energy and desire to be very successful and toned + I like to get stoned and workout and get lost in my music while restricting). Yet because I'm not eating, I lack the energy and stamina that I know I'm capable of so I feel defeated and annoyed by not nourishing myself, and also panicky. Like I picture my insides just moving slowly and breaking down because I'm not nourishing myself. Yet I'm thrilled I'm avoiding eating. So I feel successful yet defeated by the gym.

I feel more confident at my job because I feel that I look thin and successful and I feel put together and in control, yet I "space out" and have a "flattened" personality compared to how bubbly and engaged I CAN be when I'm nourished correctly. **It saddens me that I either feel physically inept or mentally inept at all times.**

I mean, I'm "winning" by losing weight and restricting but everything else in life that's supposed to be "better" is a bit worse. Eating ANY food makes me feel huge and sick. Wearing "cute" outfits because I'm thinner now leads to worrying if I look "sickly". The gym is easy to get to finally, and now that my motivation is up, my energy is down.

It's like.....are u fkin kidding me :'D

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[Rant/Rave] I have to sit totally topless in front of strangers on Friday.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 142.6 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 23 11:05:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eipiv/i_have_to_sit_totally_topless_in_front_of/
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You know how much you hate your stomach when you're sitting down? You know how self conscious you are even when clothed? Well fuck that, let's make it worse.

I'm going through French immigration processes right now and part of that includes a quick medical at their office. A large room with other women waiting in line and several doctors. You take off your shirt and bra completely, no gown or anything, and wait to get inspected and get x-ray.

I know they won't care because they see a hundred bodies a day, but jesus this is horrible. As if I need another reminded that I want to look like a chic, skinny Parisian now I get to be the fat American.

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[Thinspo] Pre-thanksgiving thinspo album
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | 104 | 19.0 | Ugw: 85 |19f]
Created: Wed Nov 23 11:03:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eip4v/prethanksgiving_thinspo_album/
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[here](http://imgur.com/a/TF1HR)

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[Other] Coolsculpting update
/u/skinnyhero [5' 4" | CW: 164.9 | 31.5% BF | -27.1 | NB/F]
Created: Wed Nov 23 10:23:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eih0k/coolsculpting_update/
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So I had coolsculpting done in September. And it did 100% work because my inches dropped more there than anywhere else. BUT because I had my lower belly treated my upper belly pooches out a bit more. They warned me it would happen. I guess once I pay most of the earlier procedure off I will do the upper belly. But I'm a bit self conscious about that roll in the mean time.

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How can I make it work faster?
/u/dahmerberry
Created: Wed Nov 23 10:07:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eidz0/how_can_i_make_it_work_faster/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Surprise Mirror!
/u/woollyshirt
Created: Wed Nov 23 09:30:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ei69g/surprise_mirror/
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I had an odd moment of clarity recently and it's made me really question how I feel about myself and my goals. Although I am maintaining right now, I ultimately want to be under 100lbs and need to lose about 20lbs to be comfortably under.

I was out shopping with my dad last weekend...and thinking about losing that 20lbs. Then we walked into the mirror section of the store without me realising, and when I saw myself in full, my first thought was that I didn't even look like I had 20lbs to lose! I've debated posting this because I honestly feel a little weird about it. When I look at myself now or in body checking photos, I see my ribs and shoulder blades and flat stomach, but I still do feel like I could lose more weight. Why didn't I think it then, in that sudden glance of myself in the mirror? Why did I think that I actually looked small, but in a way that almost seemed too small...but was oddly thrilling at the same time??

I've been thinking about this for a couple of days now and ultimately I still feel like I have no reason to maintain here forever. I do want to be smaller. Seeing myself like that was weird, and a bit of a shock, but it's made me feel better about maintaining for now. I just wish I could always feel as small as I did in that moment.

---

Part of Harm Reduction...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 23 08:40:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ehwdm/part_of_harm_reduction/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] The thinner I get the more I am encouraged to continue
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 23 08:05:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ehq1h/the_thinner_i_get_the_more_i_am_encouraged_to/
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[deleted]

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Before Thanksgiving ruins all of my progress, 5'5" and 92 lbs this morning
/u/deaths_head_hawkmoth [5'5" | 92 | 15.5 | -38 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 23 07:46:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ehmks/before_thanksgiving_ruins_all_of_my_progress_55/
---
http://imgur.com/2w9ivLA

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] idk how to feel anymore
/u/plshealme [5'5 | 128 | 21.55 | -40 | 19F]
Created: Wed Nov 23 05:34:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eh1rc/rant_idk_how_to_feel_anymore/
---
i don't even know if that's really related to my ed behaviour but i just want to die. i dont want to be pretty or thin, i just want to die or starve until i disappear (which i know isn't even logical lmao).

like, even if i get to my goal weight, what then? will i be magically happy and cured of my body dysmorphia? my depression? self hate? i highly doubt it. i'll never like myself. i'll never be liked by anyone. i literally just want to not exist. i don't want to take up any space in this world. i don't want to use up any resources someone else who actually deserves to live could possibly need.

idk. i just want to die so all of this will end.

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday November 23, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Nov 23 05:08:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5egyit/way_to_go_wednesday_november_23_2016/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for November 23, 2016.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 23, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Nov 23 05:08:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5egyi7/daily_food_diary_november_23_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 23, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Pregnancy scare turned into some bingey days
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 23 04:24:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5egtgb/pregnancy_scare_turned_into_some_bingey_days/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] A month's time
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 23 03:30:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5egnbr/a_months_time/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] "Don't worry, guys like that,"
/u/Lunar_Heart [61.75 in | 86ish lbs | 16.Something | -24ish | f]
Created: Tue Nov 22 23:15:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eftwi/dont_worry_guys_like_that/
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I'm always getting described as things like "curvy", "thick", and "womanly", and t makes me feel like shit, plus then when i express that whoever said t get soffended, like i should be flattered that they pointed out my body type and it's like what the fuck? who decided it was okay to point that out?

Yes, i realize i'm hippy.

Yes, i realize i've got big round thighs that touch and a heart-shaped butt and "shapely" legs.

Yes, I know it looks like i'm wearing a corset.

No, i won't tell you how many squats i do, because i don't do squats.

No, it is not okay to point out my lower body.

No, i am NOT flattered.

And no, no it is not okay "because boys like that."

I don't care what you think boys like.

I care what i like.

I want a little androgynous pixie body, and i almost cry every time someone points it just how far i am from that; and that i likely never will be, because my hipbones are just so far apart and my body so inclined to store any excess weight in my thighs.

it frustrates me to no end that people always point this out, and then act like they're the one who should be offended when i. don't thank them.

It just. Rubs it my face that i'm failing.

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[Goal] [Goal] First 24-hr fast!
/u/pineapplesandham [5'3 | 99.8 lbs | 18.17 | -5 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 22:00:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5efjb7/goal_first_24hr_fast/
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Before this, the longest I've ever gone without food was probably 16 hours or so, and that was overnight. Also, this fast was deliberate, haha.

I had a really bad binge on Sunday (literally double my TDEE), so I decided to just not eat on Monday - after all, I'd eaten enough calories to last me for two days. I started the fast at 12:00 AM on Monday morning, and I actually lasted until around 4 AM today! That was when I woke up in the middle of the night starving and couldn't go back to sleep, so I ate a snack and went back to bed. I ate a little more than I usually do today, but I don't mind.

That said, I really don't want to do that again. I suppose this is a lesson for me to not fucking binge.

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] 25 calories over and I'm just dumb and upset
/u/cuts-and-cats [5'2 | 115 GW: 95 | 21 | -25 lbs |F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 20:59:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5efa7e/rant_25_calories_over_and_im_just_dumb_and_upset/
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I know it's so dumb and that I definitely burned more than 25 calories today just by fidgeting at work. I only had 375 calories today but I wanted to stay at 350 and I just feel like such a failure. But the logical part of my brain keeps arguing with the disordered side and I know 25 calories isn't going to make me gain. Sorry for the rant I just have this huge battle going on between these two parts of my brain and needed to tell somebody..

On mobile can't flair

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[Goal] Yoga as thinspo
/u/PullOnMyJeans [5'7|120lbs | GW 105 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 19:16:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eetr2/yoga_as_thinspo/
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I practice yoga sometimes and I have goals of being super flexible and graceful. When I want to binge, I think about how I won't be able to practice yoga if I have a full stomach. So I'll practice instead of eat.

And also, many of the women who do yoga and post pics/video on instagram look so lovely and thin. Just looking at them is #goals all day long.

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[Help] I feel like I Need the gym ?
/u/Suusss [\\ 5'6" // cw114.5 \\ -9.8 //]
Created: Tue Nov 22 18:43:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eeo1w/i_feel_like_i_need_the_gym/
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I just binged on 1666 calories of kettle chips (but I thought tbh it was 2000+, so, for that thumbs up.) tried to purge, couldn't, company came over. I am like wasting so much time concerned about going to the gym in my crippled and gross state.

tl;dr I really always want to fill my spare time with going to my plain as heck uni gym, even though it interferes with my studies. I like the gym and I get fixated on either going or not going to work out.. I dont know that much about exercise bulimia ?

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[Help] Cold weather solutions thread
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 18:15:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eejcs/cold_weather_solutions_thread/
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20 pounds lost since last winter and I'm already fucking freezing. What do you guys do to stay warm? My hands are constantly ice.

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[Discussion] This Thanksgiving I am thankful for...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 22 18:13:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eej3m/this_thanksgiving_i_am_thankful_for/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Guys SOS I fucked up
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 22 17:36:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eeckm/guys_sos_i_fucked_up/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] He'll regret it.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 22 17:31:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eebmr/hell_regret_it/
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[deleted]

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Mod Powers & Keeping Yourself Safe
/u/woollyshirt
Created: Tue Nov 22 17:30:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eebh2/mod_powers_keeping_yourself_safe/
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Sorry to possibly be a overzealous mod here, but I think it's best to be cautious! You're all worthy of safety and kindness and hopefully this will help keep that up. Following up from [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5earea/anyone_else_get_a_message_from_emma_bee_on_kik/dab13cs/) earlier, I thought it might be useful to talk about keeping ourselves safe. Many people with EDs are vulnerable and at risk of being exploited and we should do our best to support each other and focus on making our lives safer and more comfortable, regardless of if that involves recovery or not.

Things mods can do:

* **We will ban anyone who posts asking to be an 'ED coach' or wanting to hold others accountable somehow.** This is not a subreddit on coaching people on how to ED. This is also why you can't ask for 'how-to' tips, as per rule 1.
* We will remove posts asking for 'ED/fasting buddies.' It's not fair or right to try and compel others to engage in ED behaviours.
* If you message us about something that has happened (like a nasty PM, or someone contacting you after finding you on the sub) then we can potentially warn other users to limit harm and protect each other.
* We can swiftly act on reports made through reddit's reporting function- this is the quickest way to get something removed! It's much better to over-report than under-report posts.

Things we can't do:

* We can't control who messages or adds you on reddit or on social media (peach, kik, telegram, mfp, etc). As you should otherwise, please stick with your gut feeling and seek help if something feels wrong. You can message the mods if you need support and we will help where we can! Please put your own comfort and safety above that of others where necessary. It's much better to end a friendship abruptly than let yourself be hurt. It's ok to do that to protect yourself.
* We can't control who views the sub. In order for people who need/want the support to find it, the sub has to be public. Be aware of what identifying details you post on here!
* Sometimes people misinterpret the sub and think it is a 'proana' sub. We can remove posts they make here and ban them but we can't control them posting links to here on other subs or elsewhere online.
* We can't preempt trouble. Sorry :(

If you ever feel at risk, please speak to someone about it. Friends, family, coworkers, staff at your school/college, medical professionals, social services, charities, helplines, mods, posting here, posting on another sub...if you need support, there is absolutely someone out there willing to listen. You should never feel unsafe in a relationship or friendship- ultimately, the people around us should be adding value to our lives, and not tearing us down. The sidebar and wiki have a lot of helpful links to other places offering support, too! If you can think of something that would be useful to link, please suggest it.

tl;dr: be kind to yourself, and be aware of the risks of the internet. This is a support space but there are limitations. Speak to *someone* if you need help!

edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eebh2/mod_powers_keeping_yourself_safe/dadf1mn/ read this comment!!

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[Tip] Vanity Fair 101: How Not to Look Like a Zombie for the Holidays
/u/Eldritchwhore369 [5'7" | 106 | 16.8 BMI | -19 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 17:01:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ee637/vanity_fair_101_how_not_to_look_like_a_zombie_for/
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So I asked about this in today's stickied post, and got a fair amount of interest in some tips for looking slightly less zombi-fied during this Holiday season. Whether it's family gatherings or work functions, this time of year I seem to have to interact with a lot more people. And those people really like asking if I'm "tired" or "sick". Yes to both, but I don't really want to look it, or listen to the 50,000th person tell me that I need more protein/vitamin C/herbalife/whatever. So here's how I'm trying to look less dead this winter, despite restricting heavily to reach my New Year's goal weight.

**Skin Care**

My ED has royally fucked up my skin. To help with flaking and generally poor, greyish skin tone, I've been keeping up with my skin care routine. Currently I'm using Neutrogena's Naturals line (the white/cream bottles with green accent) for my daily cleanser, exfoliating scrub, and moisturizer. I used to use their tan face bar to clear up breakouts, but my sin has been very fragile this winter. The key here is to keep skin moisturized but also very clean. I wash once a day with just warm water then moisturizer, then later with a cleanser and moisturizer. u/hearkbrokenandok made the amazing suggestion to add a gel moisturizer to my routine, and it almost completely cleared up my flakiness altogether. They suggested Clinique, but I just used a generic from Target. I've also been drinking LOTS of water and green tea, all day every day.

**tl;dr: Wash twice a day to clear off dead skin, exfoliate only every 2-3 days to avoid stressing skin, moisturize lots with both lotion and gel moisturizer, and drink lots of water.**

**Hair Care**

My hair starts falling out whenever my BMI gets below 17.5, so it's been coming out for a couple weeks now. It's the worst, but, one thing has always helped me: Hair, Nails and Skin vitamins. The ones I take now have 500mg of biotin. They stop my nails from breaking and stop my hair from breaking off. It's also best if you don't wash your hair every day. I only wash mine once a week, but most people find it more comfortable to do every 2-3 days. An argan oil deep conditioner, or a keratin treatment will do wonders.

**tl;dr: Wash hair every 2-3 days, deep condition with a hair mask or keratin treatment, and take Hair, Skin and Nails vitamins.**

**Make-Up**

I love makeup. I adore it. And it's a great way to hide dark circles, ashy complexion, and sunken cheeks! r/MakeupAddiction has a long list of wonderful products and tutorials, but I have a few cheap cheats.

* Use moisturizer as a base. Whether you use primer or not, moisturizer helps prevent flaky skin, and cake face.
* Use blush and bronzer. Even if it's not part of your usual routine, bronzer and blush add depth and color to your skin and give you a healthy glow. Even if I'm not doing a full face, I throw a little cream blush under my foundation or tinted moisturizer. The E.L.F Shimmering Facial Whip is awesome for this, and just a dollar! But don't contour if you're trying to hide weight loss.
* Avoid gray shadows. I love grey eye makeup. Lorde's makeup in Disclosure's 'Magnets' is life. But-- they make my eyes look super sunken. I'm using all warm tones this fall-- amber, rust red, cranberry, etc.
* HIGHLIGHT! I also love how shimmery highlighters look. Glitter is amazing. Wet & Wild single blushes, and their Megaglo Illuminating Highlight have some little pink tones and flecks of gold glitter that give your skin color and light.
* Wear your foundation further. When I'm looking very pale and veiny, I'll mix my foundation with lotion and blend it all down my neck.

**tl;dr: Moistuizer as a base, blush and bronzer, warm toned shadows over greys and black, highlighters, and blending foundation down on more visible skin.**

**Not Passing Out!**

And lastly, how to make it through all the days of work, holiday parties, and family dinners. They're not very complicated, so I'm going to speed through them.

* Hand Warmers. I keep them in my pockets, shoes, everywhere.
* Multivitamins
* Instant Miso Soup. It's just a few dollars, and although it has a lot of sodium, it is very satisfying and filling.
* Intermittent Fasting. I love holiday food, and I want to actually be happy and eat some this year. It's so tempting to snack, but I'm coping by only eating at designated meal times.

I hope these help someone, and I want to hear everyone else's suggestions.

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[Tip] List of common holiday foods and their average calories.
/u/scaredalternate [5'5'' | 163 | GW 160 | UGW 120 | -57lbs | M]
Created: Tue Nov 22 16:48:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ee3ta/list_of_common_holiday_foods_and_their_average/
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I know personally I get more anxious about the holidays if I can't at least estimate the amount of calories I am putting in my body. Because most foods served this holiday are homemade, these calories won't be exact, but it can provide a baseline for myself and others.

* Pre-meal platters: (Do other families even do this?)

Pickles - 7-11 calories per, depending on size.

Cheese - 100-120 calories per slice

Crackers - 16-20 calories

Olives - 4-5 calories in one

Baby Carrots - 4-5 calories in one

Grape Tomatoes - 5-6 calories in one

Broccoli - 10-20 calories per tiny tree

Strawberries - 2-6 calories, depending on size

Grapes - 2 calories each

* Main Meal:

Turkey, 4oz serving - 160-250 calories. This is dependent on white or dark meat, skin or no skin, and if you choose to eat a turkey leg. Lowest calorie is white meat, no skin.

Stuffing, 1oz serving - 110 calories

Ham, 3oz serving - 123 calories

Yams, 1 cup serving - 170-180 calories

Sweet Potato, 1 cup serving - 115 calories

Mashed Potatoes, 1 cup serving - 215 calories

Peas, 1 cup serving - 120 calories

Corn, 1 cup serving - 132 calories

Cooked Carrots, 1 cup serving - 82 calories

Cranberry Sauce, 1 slice? - 86 calories

Dinner Roll - 77-87 calories

Caesar Salad, 1 cup - 160-180 calories

Salad, no dressing, 1 cup - 30-50 calories

* Desserts: (Lower numbers based off 1/8 of 8" pie, higher is 1/8 of 9" pie, also people make cookies of varying sizes)

Pumpkin Pie, 1 slice - 310-330 calories

Apple Pie, 1 slice - 270-300 calories

Pecan Pie, 1 slice - 470-500 calories

Blueberry Pie, 1 slice - 330-360 calories

Sugar Cookie - 80-150 calories per

Chocolate Chip Cookies - 80-130 calories per


Now this is in no way a complete list because it's 6:30 and I just got out of school, but let me know if I need to add anything. Good luck during this difficult month.
Edit1: Added desserts

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[Rant/Rave] My boyfriends strange way of getting me to eat a little more works <3
/u/smokesanddietcokes [Everybody's Fool]
Created: Tue Nov 22 16:09:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5edw9i/my_boyfriends_strange_way_of_getting_me_to_eat_a/
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A few weeks ago, my boyfriend said that my increased muscle defintion made me look strong and solid, which reminded him of the [power loader](https://s.aolcdn.com/dims-shared/dims3/GLOB/crop/1920x1080+0+0/resize/1200x675!/format/jpg/quality/85/https://s.aolcdn.com/hss/storage/midas/861b8eb5684b1c57900a300b567ae8c/202506116/ripley.jpg) from the alien films.

Now and then I am open with my boyfriend about when I am struggling to eat - not all the time, but I am getting better at it. Now, whenever I am honest about not having eaten and not wanting to, he goes all concerned and says "*GASP*! But you need to refuel the power loader! What about the hungry little Ripley inside of you!?"

It always makes me laugh and that makes me feel a little better, seeing food as 'fuel for the power loader'. It also makes me feel better about myself and my body. It encouraged me to eat a plate of broccoli tonight instead of carrying on my fast, and now my headache is going away (ish!) :)

This weird ass guy just... *gets me*. Haha!

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again proving the point that myproana isnt very proana at all. people will bash and bash the people they dont agree with. i try to be positive, i swear
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 22 15:39:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5edqcg/again_proving_the_point_that_myproana_isnt_very/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/d271af02098148f6aead184bbba780a1?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=5c07e1b13fb6089c65ec92cc25b38332

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[Help] crying because my PE class had us do paperwork instead of workout
/u/TinyTinyCleverCDR [156 cm | 50.8 kg | 21.73 | -7.7 kg | F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 15:28:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5edo4z/crying_because_my_pe_class_had_us_do_paperwork/
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It threw my whole day off. I don't have time today to do a makeup workout. I broke my fast so I'd have protein to recover today but now it's all pointless. I wasted calories I could have eaten on Thanksgiving for no reason.

Can I still make up for it by doing two workouts tomorrow and fasting all day?

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[Help] [Question] What calories are you guys referring to here?
/u/GingerStark [5'9.3" | 20.0 | CW : 136 | GW : 120 | UGW : 110 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 15:16:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5edltp/question_what_calories_are_you_guys_referring_to/
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I'm really confused (and on mobile so I can't flair) do you guys when you restrict under for example 800 calories, do you mean net exersizes or just the calories you've eaten for the day? Because I restrict to <650 calories a day but exercise to burn more than have of that, so would I say I restrict to 300cals or 650 cals?





Pls help

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[Rant/Rave] hear me out
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 22 14:13:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ed8ul/hear_me_out/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) The disheartening realization that this will never end
/u/sprinkle1997 [5'2 | CW 129 GW 100 | -25 lbs | 19F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 13:14:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ecwmn/rant_the_disheartening_realization_that_this_will/
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Yes, I have a goal weight, but when I reach it what will happen? Am I magically going to be happy with myself? Will I suddenly stop being afraid of eating and gaining weight? I'll still be the same old fucked up me. Just back and thinner than ever. That fucking sucks to face and I'm scared.

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[Help] Anxiety about not having enough to eat?
/u/Askeiu
Created: Tue Nov 22 12:42:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ecpq4/anxiety_about_not_having_enough_to_eat/
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At the moment I'm eating a little above 1100kcal a day as per my boyfriend's very strong preference. I definitely have a low feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach from eating so much (and last night I drank soymilk and hit 1200kcal and I tried to tell myself it was okay because I went to the gym but ahhhhhh) but now I find myself worrying about not having enough to eat. Like I plan my day's food very, very carefully and I really really want to leave a bunch of extra calories because what if I get hungry? What if I get hungry between classes and have no calories left? I don't know why this scares me at all, given that I'd prefer to be eating less, but now my mind is preoccupied with Running Out.

Has anyone else experienced this? Or knows what might be going on?

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[Tip] Thinspo tip - Charlie's Angels
/u/pungentthrowaway [5'1" | CW: 154 | -13 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 12:26:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ecmbo/thinspo_tip_charlies_angels/
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Specifically Cameron Diaz' body in that movie is amazing and they focus on it a lot. I just watched it on Hulu

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT] Talklife app
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 22 11:37:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ecc35/rant_talklife_app/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] The worst part about having an ed...
/u/charredsouls
Created: Tue Nov 22 11:26:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ec9nj/the_worst_part_about_having_an_ed/
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...is feeling so alone :(

I have friends and family but none understand what we go through having an ed. The other day I was jittery and shaky from not eating all day/taking multiple ec stacks, and when I told my friend I didn't feel good they kept asking me "what did you eat today?" and I had to lie and make up all sorts of food so they wouldn't get worried. Or, even more basic than that, for once I want to skip a meal without having to justify it with a "I'm not hungry" or "I Just ate a couple hours ago." It's frustrating not being able to say what's on my mind. Or sit in a chair without it hurting my bones. Or sit outside without shivering and having others wonder what's wrong with me. I could go on and on, as I'm sure you all could too.

I know these don't seem like big issues, but it seems like every second of the day there's something to remind me that I'm not like other people. The worst part is that I can't tell anybody I only ate 200 calories today, or that last weekend I purged all that greasy bad food you saw me eating. I don't expect others to approve of my choices, but for once it'd be nice to talk about it without fear of somebody freaking out on me/giving me ultimatums.

Anyway, if you made it this far, thanks for reading. This is the one outlet I have to vent my ed issues, and I couldn't be more appreciative of this sub :')

/rant

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I was skinny but now I'm fat...how to get back to a better weight
/u/Barbie66
Created: Tue Nov 22 11:16:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ec7k0/i_was_skinny_but_now_im_fathow_to_get_back_to_a/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] He broke up with me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 22 10:38:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ebzsw/he_broke_up_with_me/
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Starting a fast. Till I pass out.


The lie that he loved me. I'm broken.

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[Rant/Rave] "She's smaller than you" he says. Thanks for the info?
/u/gastastic [5'1 | 118.0 | 26F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 10:35:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ebz4f/shes_smaller_than_you_he_says_thanks_for_the_info/
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Boyfriend was telling me about his friend who is an elementary art teacher. Said she's "practically on their level". Right...

I'm short, 5'1, but still feel like I look chubby. I'm meeting her today. I don't like that she may be shorter than me, but I'd rather her actually be shorter than me compared to the alternative: she is my height or a tiny bit taller, just way skinnier. Which would indicate to me, that no, she is not shorter (which is what boyfriend claimed when I asked him to clarify), but she's just straight up thinner.

I feel like weight warps people's ability to accurately assess height. The skinnier someone is, the overall smaller they are perceived.

Why is that even necessary to include when he knows how I am about body image?

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[Discussion] Does anyone feel like they look great when the see vague reflections of their forms (like their shadow or in a far off window) but then feel like they look like shit in front of a mirror?
/u/alksdjfoie [5'4F|105]
Created: Tue Nov 22 10:18:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ebvr2/does_anyone_feel_like_they_look_great_when_the/
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I feel like I look so killer when I can't see myself very well, and then when I get a clear view I can see just how fucked up my body is. Just having one of those days I guess...

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[Rant/Rave] Someone brought cupcakes to class.
/u/TummyRumblz [5'8" | CW:155| LW: 146 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 10:08:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ebtpk/someone_brought_cupcakes_to_class/
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Luckily they're red velvet and I hate red velvet. But I just got one to look at it. Does anyone else just look at food?

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[Help] Ate toilet paper (TMI)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 22 09:53:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ebqku/ate_toilet_paper_tmi/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Is anybody else's ED "seasonal"?
/u/desaparecida [4'9" | CW:106lb | BMI: 21.3 | 24F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 09:42:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eboc1/is_anybody_elses_ed_seasonal/
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I've come to the realization that my BED is triggered by anxiety and loneliness. I live alone and I'm constantly fighting the urges to eat. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. Since I'm in university, I get two vacations a year: winter and summer, and I've been spending most of them with my SO these last 2 years (we are on a long distance relationship). I noticed that whenever I'm spending time with him I automatically "heal". It's not that I'm hiding my crazy eating habits, I genuinely do not have urges to binge, and when we eat I do so properly, meaning that I eat the right amount of food and end up satisfied (not stuffed, not full).

This is a bit awful because it makes me miss him more :( I guess I'm extremely happy by his side and my mind doesn't have time to tell me I'm a damn failure. He doesn't know I struggle with this because 1. as I said he's never seen me binging and 2. my coping mechanism is joking about it ALL THE TIME.

It also makes me question whether my ED is real and what would happen if I were to spend more than just vacations with him... would I relapse? :(

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[Discussion] 5'4 ladies..or close
/u/tattoosandcoffeee [5'4 | GW 108 | -12]
Created: Tue Nov 22 08:28:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eb9hu/54_ladiesor_close/
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[removed]

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[Help] Trying to maintain but conflicted
/u/xxx07v [5'6" | cw: 96lbs | bmi: 15.69 | - 24lbs| F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 08:02:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eb4wk/trying_to_maintain_but_conflicted/
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After a hectic week at school last week after completing all my assignments and having 3 out of 7 days without sleep, I went from 44kg to 43kg. I was surprised as I thought with all the junk food (pizza, bbq wings, half a whole cake, peanut butter binges, muffins...) I had been eating and lack of sleep, I would have certainly gained. However, I feel much weaker and my head gets dizzy more often, like that feeling like I'm not there in the zone and very out of my body (I'm not sure how to describe) but I guess I feel faint. The rational part of me tells me its time to maintain for good. I've tried to tell myself that months ago ever since I reached 48kg but for some reason, maybe its my ed or just me, but I just kept wanting to lose in the end even though I know its making me worse. However, I really think I need to start to maintain now with a bmi of 15.7 but I just can't bring myself to do it. I still fear eating 3 proper meals and I'm still extremely wary of calories even with fruit. I wonder if there's a way to feel more clear-headed at bmi 15 or just how on earth should I go about resolving this inner conflict between mainting and losing...I don't want to faint in public but yet the ed in me seems to look forward to fainting (like its some sign of achievement) which is horrible...arghhhh

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[Rant/Rave] "What's your favorite thanksgiving dish?"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 22 07:25:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eayei/whats_your_favorite_thanksgiving_dish/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I LOST A POUND [rave]
/u/notyourtoy [5'8" | 126 lbs | 18.95 BMI | -37 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 07:10:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eavvb/i_lost_a_pound_rave/
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I haven't lost ANYTHING since September.

I am trying to maintain, trying to be ok with staying the same weight while I replace fat with muscle in the gym and eat perfectly.

But today I dropped from 127 to 126 and I'm beside myself with delight. In July I was 124.5, and in 2008 I was about 119, so it's far from a new LW or anything. But it's a really boost for me!

Plus I am now back under a 19 BMI (18.95!!!)
which is 500% my happy place.

Technically, I'm still maintaining, but this pound down tastes like happiness and I'm going to savor it for a few days. It's a good day, people. It's a good day.

Celebration body check!!!

http://imgur.com/snStvGz

---

[SEE STICKIED COMMENT!] Anyone else get a message from Emma Bee on Kik?
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 06:42:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5earea/anyone_else_get_a_message_from_emma_bee_on_kik/
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She'll probably see this but eh. She messaged me on Kik saying she found me on ProED, I have no PMs from her on Reddit. She says shes an Ana Coach. I'm just not sure about this and want to see if anyone else has been messaged by her, if you guys think this is anything dodgey, etc. I'm just really unsure about people messaging me :/

If she's genuinely just trying to be friendly then I don't mean any harm by this post. Also, if this kind of post isn't allowed here, mods please feel free to remove it.

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[Rant/Rave] Today is Hard Already
/u/eatdrinksmokegreen [5'4" | 133 lbs | 23.2 | -37 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 06:39:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eaquv/today_is_hard_already/
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It's so early and superficial hunger has found me already. There is no need to eat right now though. The scale hasn't moved in 2 weeks and that's going to continue if I keep giving in so easily. Food can be put off for now because there's plenty to do around here.. I'll start the day with coffee and thinspo and then work around the house til the afternoon... Maybe then I'll have some protein... Fuck... I just don't want to be fat anymore!!!

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A November 22, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Nov 22 05:08:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eadh8/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_november_22_2016/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 22, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Nov 22 05:08:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5eadgt/daily_food_diary_november_22_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 22, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] Fasting through Thanksgiving?
/u/qwertylooping [5' 3" | LW 107 | CW: beluga]
Created: Tue Nov 22 03:58:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ea51x/fasting_through_thanksgiving/
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I don't want to attend thanksgiving or see any of my family this year. I lost 50 lbs last year and have been gaining it rapidly back since I started trying to recover from b/ping and I just can't stand to face anyone right now. I'm currently successfully fasting for the first time in a long long while (just finished up a 4 dayer) and want to fast until I can't take it anymore. I only broke the last one because of a social obligation but from now till finals I won't have to worry about that.

Is there anyone that can help come up with a good excuse that'll allow me to skip thanksgiving??? I attend university close enough to home so I won't be missed, but I need a really good reason for missing such a big event.

EDIT: unknowingly came to a solution - made out with fwb who I didn't know was sick. my throat's already sore :))). I embrace this insanity

---

[Help] Does anyone have any advice on maintaining without counting calories?
/u/gombrick [167cm | 47.5kg | 17.1 | f]
Created: Tue Nov 22 01:24:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e9oeh/does_anyone_have_any_advice_on_maintaining/
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So I want to stop losing for a whole if I can, for health and personal reasons. I thought at first that I would eat normally and then any day I'm over 48kg I would fast until I'm below again, but I 'accidentally' dropped down to about 47kg now and I can't bring myself to gain so I'll stay here.

The thing is, eating normally for me now means eating about 1000kcal, I just am not hungry for more, and I want to eat cheaply and healthily so it's hard. I'll add what I generally eat below and if anyone has suggestions please let me know, you guys are the best.

Breakfast: wholemeal toast with butter

Lunch: nuts and a chocolate bar to prevent bingeing

Dinner: either wholegrain rice or lentils with vegetables (big portion)

I don't want to count calories as it made my disordered eating so so much worse and ruined my social life. If anyone has had success with this please let me know, I'm really struggling. (Sorry this was so long)

---

[Rant/Rave] I had to eat because I'm getting my navel pierced today...
/u/voidnasp [153cm | CW 55,6kg | 24,96 | -12kg | F]
Created: Tue Nov 22 01:09:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e9mqj/i_had_to_eat_because_im_getting_my_navel_pierced/
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... And I feel so ashamed. I feel like I fucked up.

I know I did the right thing, as these days I've been feeling light-headed quite often, when I stand up, when I have to pick something on the floor. I don't want to pass out because of the piercing... I've never pass out and it's scaring the shit out of me.

Initially, I planned to get my navel pierced for when I'm reaching my GW... And I'm kinda far from that.

But I finally reached my LW ever from four years ago, I noticed my ribs are showing when I take off my clothes??? Okay, not a lot but it's a start ! And I got paid so I finally have the money to do it. So I told myself "fuck this ED shit, you're going to have this piercing and not let your ED ruin your life and makes you wait when you don't need a reason to get pierced other than wanting to get pierced. You're done waiting for your ED approval." So I cooked myself a meal, didn't measure anything (but I know it's still under 500kcal anyway) and tried not to think about it, because it's what I have to do not to pass out, I think ?

But of course, my ED's still there and it's not happy with what I've done. I didn't put on a lot of weight, but seeing the numbers on the scale going up is kind of demotivating... There's a part of me thinking I should have wait til I reach my GW because now my belly is fatter and my piercing will be ugly, the piercer will judge me for wanting to have it at this weight... That I'll just look like a whale with a little diamond glowing under the layers of fat.
I'll have to force myself to eat lunch and thank God I asked a friend to come with me so I can't go back on my decision, but damn I didn't thought it would be so hard.

Maybe one day I'll win against my ED, but obviously it's not today.

---

[Rant/Rave] Everything is fucked and I hate myself
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW 160 lbs | GW 150 | UGW 125 | 19f]
Created: Mon Nov 21 23:25:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e9a3e/everything_is_fucked_and_i_hate_myself/
---
I know most of the people here are ana and not BED but someone please tell me I'm not alone. BED is ruining my life. Or more accurately, I'm ruining my own life and for some reason I somehow think that shoving thousands and thousands of calories down my throat will make me feel better even though I ALWAYS, ALWAYS hate myself MORE when I'm done and I hate being fat so much that I would do literally anything to be skinny OTHER THAN NOT EATING, APPARENTLY, because for some reason that's too much for my brain to handle.


As absolutely terribly awful as it sounds I wish I could trade the BED I've developed for the anorexia that I used to have a super long time ago. Yeah it was fucked up too but I'm fucked up now anyways, and I'd rather be skinny if I'm going to be suffering and loathing myself either way. Jesus.

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[Help] Tumblrs that aren't just for thinspo?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 21 22:38:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e93ks/tumblrs_that_arent_just_for_thinspo/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] This might be a goodbye.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 21 22:25:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e91pp/this_might_be_a_goodbye/
---
Ive only written the title and I'm already bawling my eyes out. You guys feel like a family. You feel like a community. A little safe space where we helped each other. I'm not sure if goodbyes are allowed, but I'd feel like shit if I didn't make one, because I have a feeling some of you guys would wonder where I'd gone.

I'd really fucking love to stay. I really would. But the truth is, no matter how fat I'm currently feeling, it doesn't justify not talking to my sister for four days. I didn't even notice four days passing, before she came in crying and asked me if I hated her. We used to be super close. She's eleven years old and I love her more than anything.

One of my mice has starved to death, because I was so busy making sure I didn't eat, that I forgot about him.

I can't walk short distances without getting breathy. Every time I binge or starve, I get uncontrollably angry and it's always directed at the people I love. I'm always cold, I've started smoking and the only thing I remember about yesterday is what I ate. I'm going to tell all my friends the WI-FI router was down for three days, because I didn't have the energy to talk to them.

My school is threatening to call my parents if I don't eat at meal times.

I want to be able to eat my fear foods. I want to be able to snack on cherry tomatoes without thinking about it. I want to eat a slice of white toast without being angry at myself that I just wasted so many calories.

I want to live. I want to wake up and I want to not want to die. I want to take walks because I feel like it, not because I ate breakfast.

I wanna start playing sports. I want to try out soccer, mountain climbing, biking, dodgeball and I wanna do it because it's fun.

I want the childhood, that was ripped away from me two years ago, back. I want to have a few chocolate chip cookies and then watch the Disney channel. I want to build with Lego, because no matter how much I've tried to convince myself otherwise, I am just a child.

I can't do this place and recovery at the same time. I hope you guys reach your GWs. I hope you all become beautiful butterflies and I hope you all get your purging under control and I hope people will stop commenting on your weight. I hope they'll make ten calorie brownies and I want you guys to know, that this is a bloody amazing community. It's just an endless bunch of sad food jerk, but it works and it helps.

I love every single one of you. Everyone that's ever helped me, everyone that's ever up-voted so I could get help, and the person that recommended Garbage in some post. It's my favorite band now, so thanks for that.

There's so much to fucking say, but I don't want to make it too long, because I'm only a stranger to you and I want you to attempt to read this through.

Remember to take your vitamins, don't over-exercise if you think your leg is broken and ShiritaKi noodles are a great replacement for spaghetti and they also come in long and flat form, IDK what it's called, but you know what I mean.

Remember to get at least six hours sleep. Feed your pets. Stay strong and beautiful and amazing and keep helping people, because you are helping people. No matter if you're just recommending diet sodas or helping someone avoid having their hair fall out, you are helping.

Tomorrow, I'm going to delete this account, so I don't get tempted to relapse.

I love every single one of you. Even if we've never talked, guess what, I love you.

Tiffany, signing off.

---

[Help] Help please!
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Mon Nov 21 22:02:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e8y91/help_please/
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Idk what the fuck is happening. I was in my friend's car and we were all vaping having a good time but then I passed out twice and hit my head hard and now I can't stop shaking and I'm so dizzy and my heart rate is really fucking high. I had my usual 30mg of Adderall for my adhd earlier this morning, half a beer, and a monster zero. I haven't eaten. If they take me to the hospital they'll find out I drank and they'll make me eat food, but I feel like I'm gonna die. Maybe it's anxiety but idk please help I'm scared. Sorry for posting here, I'm just starved and terrified

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[Other] I think I really do just want attention.
/u/lilialley
Created: Mon Nov 21 21:34:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e8tvs/i_think_i_really_do_just_want_attention/
---
I'm surrounded by people. But I...I don't know, I'm still alone. I make people food, I look up jokes to tell them, I ask about their days. For me, love is those little tiny gestures. I just wish I got one, once. I wish I didn't feel so alone treating my depression (I can't even share it with those closest to me, they'll just judge), I wish I didn't feel so alone every day with my stress and my anger and my self-hatred. Every second of my day, I'm alone. Somewhere along the way, I convinced myself I was better off by myself, doing everything for myself.

Just once, I want a hug. Or for someone to ask if I'm okay. But it's unattainable right now.

Maybe if I'm small enough, people will be concerned. People will want to protect me because I'll be small, fragile, and breakable. I don't want to be strong anymore. I can't be.

---

[Rant/Rave] Someone I work with just said "you're always eating, if I ate as much as you I would be 500#"
/u/Castoroilexperiment [5'6 | 105 | 29F| 17.68]
Created: Mon Nov 21 20:31:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e8jyz/someone_i_work_with_just_said_youre_always_eating/
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That's a rude thing to say to anyone, period. I don't know in what context that would ever be appropiate.


Also, the things I eat are bags of green beans or other vegetables, and not the 48 pack of Costco cookies that everyone is wolfing down tonight. Thanks for your unprompted and unnecessary opinion on my eating habits.

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[Discussion] What do you consider "heavily restricting"?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 21 19:15:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e86s9/what_do_you_consider_heavily_restricting/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] What laxative do you use?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 21 19:08:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e85k3/what_laxative_do_you_use/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] LMAO jk about my previous post, I'm a fraud. Maybe it'll work tomorrow, but it's certainly not working today.
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 143.8 | 23.30 | -50ish | F]
Created: Mon Nov 21 17:08:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e7jxv/lmao_jk_about_my_previous_post_im_a_fraud_maybe/
---
1000 calories in butterfinger

600 "real food" calories

500 cals of cookies

and im planning the next 1200 as i type this. fuck me i hate this weak ass brain. My mom joked about sending me to the psych ward fuck off what a shit ass joke. I know you're socially awkward and literally the worst when it come to tact, but what the hell.

everything is meaningless, i just want to panic eat food that's too crunchy without chewing it so i can wake up with lacerations all over my gums and the roof of my mouth. I can't wait to elevate my heart rate and almost pass out in anticipation of food that's too hot and complements my cuts with burns. Can't wait. Maybe if it's bad enough I won't be physically able to eat tomorrow

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Experiences with an all day fast and a healthy meal for dinner
/u/prettyybabyyprincess
Created: Mon Nov 21 16:24:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e7bur/experiences_with_an_all_day_fast_and_a_healthy/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Seriously Fitbit, I've had 975cals and you're saying I'm 305cals over? 670cals it is then :(
/u/Fibreoptic_Calico
Created: Mon Nov 21 16:10:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e78wv/seriously_fitbit_ive_had_975cals_and_youre_saying/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/1de999b465844fc8b9211873e92991ae?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=61ec6a70ed1246da2b96658c37b07684

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[Discussion] DAE panic once you start eating because it makes you hungrier?
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | hw: 139 | cw: 114 | gw: 95 | 19F]
Created: Mon Nov 21 15:22:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e6zfj/dae_panic_once_you_start_eating_because_it_makes/
---
I've been wondering if this is only me or if other people struggle with this. Sometimes when I start eating, my hunger increases really sharply and then fades away again. I'm thinking of this because just now I had my dinner (a quest bar) and I got ravenously hungry while /after eating it, and was panicking about caving and eating more etc. etc., but I grabbed a Coke Zero and 15 minutes later I feel fine. It doesn't happen every time but when it happens I'm not a fan :/. Anyone else? Any tips other than what I'm doing (distract w a low-cal liquid)?

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[Rant/Rave] Selena Gomez's acceptance speech spoke to me. I think she gets it.
/u/thinfetish
Created: Mon Nov 21 15:02:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e6vaf/selena_gomezs_acceptance_speech_spoke_to_me_i/
---
> I had to stop, cause I had everything and I was absolutely broken inside, and I kept it all together enough to where I would never let you down, *but I kept it too much together to where I let myself down.*
>
> I don't want to see your bodies on Instagram; I want to see whats in here. I'm not trying to get validation nor do I need it anymore.
>
> If you are broken, you do not have to stay broken.

I don't really follow celebrities and I did not watch the AMAs, but I saw this video of her speech this morning and thought it was really nice. Worth sharing.

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veEKJL5RIJ4

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[Other] THE FCKING WRESTLER IN MY CLASS
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 21 14:30:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e6od1/the_fcking_wrestler_in_my_class/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Well, at least my dog has gotten fat as all over the past year like myself . . .
/u/PooTeeWeet5 [5'5 | CW: 148lb of fat | BMI: 25 | Goal: 118 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 21 14:25:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e6nh7/rant_well_at_least_my_dog_has_gotten_fat_as_all/
---
Took my chihuahua to the vet today for his annual shots. He's in great health, but he's at 11.7 pounds (side note before you freak out picturing the typical tiny taco bell chihuahua looking like Jaba the Hutt. . . my Chi is an apple head instead of the 'deer head' of the taco bell chi, with a larger musculature/body than normal tiny Chis . . . though his "happy" weight should be 9.5-10 lbs. He also has floppy ears!).

Anyway, tl;dr when I first came on here last month and started posting/commenting, my back story was been ED-NOS for 16 years, grandmother died Feb 2015, mother killed herself 6 months later, since then I've gone from 130ish to 150 from bingeing/b-ping/drinking.

The vet said my Chi was in great health and his coat is surprisingly gorgeous for his age (8 years), but he could stand to lose a little weight. He's "fine" but he needs to lose weight.

I wanted to laugh at him and the tech then. Just thinking that two years ago my Chi and I were at "healthy" weights and I just wanted to lose 10 more pounds . . . and now we are both just fatasses. I guess it's fitting to say a dog reflects its fatass owner.

If I could get past where I've landed myself after all this time, if I could just stop digging this hole and get close to the exit, I would be fine and could DO this and BE who I want to BE. . . I just can't seem to move forward. And the holidays aren't helping any.

---

[Discussion] Do you like feeling hungry?
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Mon Nov 21 14:07:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e6jjj/do_you_like_feeling_hungry/
---
I love the empty feeling and can't stand being full. Do you guys feel the same?

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[Help] Maybe I'm faking it...
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.2 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 21 13:22:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e6a51/maybe_im_faking_it/
---
Does anyone else here just feel like.. they're lying to themselves about having an eating disorder? For example, saying things to themselves like: "You're too fat to be anorexic", "You just think somethings wrong with you because you're feeling sorry for yourself" That kind of thing? It might sound weird? I don't know. I mean, I think the symptoms are right. I starve myself for days at a time, I binge, I constantly weigh myself, I use "tricks" to help me eat less. I think part of it might be that.. no one seems to notice that I starve myself.. and I live with 7 people. I don't know. Ugh.

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[Rant/Rave] MyFitnessPal
/u/capture_the_excite
Created: Mon Nov 21 13:20:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e69un/myfitnesspal/
---
Can I just rant about the MFP forums for a second?

I posted on there this morning because I ate a tonne of salt and carbs yesterday and wanted to seek some advice about losing the water weight because it's making me feel like a balloon and it's quite disturbing to see such a huge jump overnight. I got such nuggets as:

"Don't weigh yourself every day"

"Water weight doesn't count"

"You shouldn't care about gaining 3lbs of water weight"

Well no, I will continue to weigh myself whenever I feel like it, yes, water weight does matter and yes I do care!! And after all the feedback nobody actually told me anything about losing water weight because the endeavour would be "pointless". It's not pointless! I need to get rid of it!

PSA: Do not post on the MyFitnessPal message boards unless you want to end up in a shitty mood like I did.

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[Rant/Rave] I found $10
/u/TummyRumblz [5'8" | CW:155| LW: 146 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 21 13:16:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e68yv/i_found_10/
---
Anyone else have to resist the urge to buy food junk whenever they have money? I'm always broke so having junk food around me isn't a problem, but today I found $10 outside on campus, I know I should try to find the owner but I also have been craving alcohol. But alcohol leads to bingeing which leads to weight gain and keeping the money would make me a bad person, but I'm a bad person anyways.
Gosh darn I'm conflicted.

---

[Help] Personal Experiences/Restricting amounts
/u/tattoosandcoffeee [5'4 | GW 108 | -12]
Created: Mon Nov 21 12:42:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e61n6/personal_experiencesrestricting_amounts/
---
I know this has been asked before..I've searched this sub to find previous posts. But I would love if you lovelies could share your experience with different restrictions. I've been restricted to 800 max for about three months and feel like my body just doesn't want to let go of the weight. I've toying with the idea of going up to 1100-1200 just because it makes my day and mood wayyyy less miserable and I can function and not obsess about food..BUT im terrified I wont lose anything. I know in theory I SHOULD b/c my TDEE is 1800-1900 ..but in my mind I'm just scared. Has anyone played with different restriction amounts and can you share your progress? ALSO im scared if I maintain this heavy restriction, when it comes time to maintain I will just gain since I stayed at such a low amount for so long. idk :( its all so confusing to me and I go back and forth with what I want to do without feeling like a fake.

---

[Discussion] Cold showers?
/u/abraddon
Created: Mon Nov 21 11:38:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e5o10/cold_showers/
---
I'm not sure if this question has been asked before, and I'm on mobile so idk how to check, but do cold baths/showers actually work? I can't exercise when my family is home so I need an alternative...

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[Tip] Thanksgiving wisdoms. "Taste not, want not."
/u/_pizzagirl [5'5 | 113.4lbs | gw:106 | -41.2 | f]
Created: Mon Nov 21 10:45:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e5cqs/thanksgiving_wisdoms_taste_not_want_not/
---
I am terrified of having a bad b/p nightmare from thanksgiving. I wont be in my home and its making me hella nervous and anxious. But maybe if I don't taste and try new things, or if I don't have the foods I really love, I can avoid a binge. Plus I wont purge so I also wont waste

*taste not, waste not, want not*

sigh

---

[Help] Did I break my fast?
/u/_pizzagirl [5'5 | 113.4lbs | gw:106 | -41.2 | f]
Created: Mon Nov 21 10:37:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e5b6r/did_i_break_my_fast/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Vyvanse [rave]
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Mon Nov 21 09:39:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e4ypk/vyvanse_rave/
---
Day 3 on vyvanse and it's fucking awesome. I'm so productive and not hungry and drinking all the water 💦💦💦💦

It's keeping me up a bit at night, but fasting and having too much caffeine does that to me too so it's hard to tell. Worth it to me, I'll sleep when I'm dead.

---

[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend finally noticed! [rant/rave]
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Mon Nov 21 09:28:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e4wm7/boyfriend_finally_noticed_rantrave/
---
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 18 months. He's gained about 25 pounds over that time (230 5'11") and I gained about 10 putting me over 180 (5'4"). I kept trying to diet and failing. Over the last few months I finally gotten my control back and lost 35 pounds. This whole time he's barely said a word about my changed eating habits or my radically changed body. I was wearing size 18 jeans and now 10s are comfortably loose on me.

Our sex life had slowed down quite a bit to the point where we were only having sex once a month if that. Part of the reason I started restricting again was because I wasn't getting the attention I need from him. I diligently did not make any comments about eating differently or how much of the weight I have lost this whole time, purposely waiting to see how long it would take him to say something.

***This weekend, he finally was complementing me on how great I looked, telling me I'm beautiful and getting a lot more "I love you"s. ***

I was 157 pounds this morning and I have 40 more pounds to go. We didn't know each other when I used to be thin, and I'm worried that he won't like me thinner or he'll get intimidated by it since he has disordered eating habits himself (BED to a tee but he won't admit it or he doesn't know). I'm just really happy that he's attracted to me again. And if he's not, at least I'll be in good shape to find someone who is.

---

[Rant/Rave] I made a mistake
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [🐷 5'2 | NB-dfab | CW: 163.6lb | 29.9/31.0 | UGW: 90lb | -26.4lb]
Created: Mon Nov 21 08:13:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e4hwx/i_made_a_mistake/
---
I drank senna tea last night. It's my first class of the day and I'm needing to go to the restroom but I can't. Why did I do this

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Thanksgiving Week, pray for me
/u/sorryqueen [5'2" | dreadful | F]
Created: Mon Nov 21 05:42:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e3u3c/rantrave_thanksgiving_week_pray_for_me/
---
To all my friends who celebrate Thanksgiving, I hope your weekly outlook looks a whole lot better than mine, because I have 3 different Thanksgiving dinners to go to this week, starting tonight and ending on Friday. I'm already crying at work because I'm so terrified, ugh.

Pray for me 🙏🏻

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! November 21, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Nov 21 05:13:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e3q89/weekly_stats_update_november_21_2016/
---
This is the weekly status thread for November 21, 2016.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome. Previous updates are archived [here.](http://www.reddit.com/r/proED/wiki/archives)

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 21, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Nov 21 05:13:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e3q7e/daily_food_diary_november_21_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 21, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] Going Proana Again
/u/heltermierz
Created: Mon Nov 21 05:00:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e3ohr/going_proana_again/
---
[removed]

---

Pls block me, tryna recover
/u/skinnydudeee [5'8" | CW: Trying to maintain 110lbs | SW: 180lbs | M]
Created: Mon Nov 21 01:21:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e30vk/pls_block_me_tryna_recover/
---
[removed]

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I guess i'll just starve.
/u/Kinglens311
Created: Mon Nov 21 01:01:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e2yp8/i_guess_ill_just_starve/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e2sq7/i_guess_ill_just_starve/?ref=search_posts&utm_source=ifttt

---

[Rant/Rave] compliments from boys
/u/planningfallacy_ [5'4.5'' | 110lb | 18.6 | -20lb | F]
Created: Mon Nov 21 00:24:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e2ul0/compliments_from_boys/
---
I met this guy recently and we hooked up for the first time today, and I'm lying on his bed afterwards... He picks up my arm, and says, "Wow.. Your arms are so small! I can wrap my entire hand around your forearm."

He wasn't even trying to compliment me when he said it, he was just surprised, but it made me more happy than the other intentional sweet things he said.

---

[Rant/Rave] I guess i'll just starve.
/u/rizzle_riz [5'4' | CW:138.8 | 24.5 | -20 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 21 00:08:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e2sq7/i_guess_ill_just_starve/
---
I was talking to my mom on the phone about how I desperately needed a new laptop for school. I asked her if she could get me a cheap useful laptop or even just help me pay for half of one as an early Christmas gift. I mentioned how I would pay for all of it if I could, except at this point in time money is extremely tight and what's left is used for food. (part of the reason why i've been able to restrict so easily is because of lack of funds)


She responded with "I guess you'll just have to starve" while giggling as she was "just joking". It stung to hear that, a literal ache in my chest to hear those words come out of her mouth.

I haven't seen my mom since August, and i'm going home in a couple days for Thanksgiving break. I hope once she sees how much weight i've lost in such a short amount of time she'll realize that "starving" is not something to joke about. If only she knew what she just triggered. You want to see starved, I can show you starved.

---

Why am I like this?
/u/Kinglens311
Created: Sun Nov 20 22:21:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e2f0u/why_am_i_like_this/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e2dv3/why_am_i_like_this/?ref=search_posts&utm_source=ifttt

---

[Rant/Rave] Why am I like this?
/u/scaredalternate [5'5'' | 163 | GW 160 | UGW 120 | -57lbs | M]
Created: Sun Nov 20 22:13:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e2dv3/why_am_i_like_this/
---
I've been doing so well and for some reason my brain is like "Order 2 xl pizzas tomorrow" and it won't shut up. I won't do it because then I know I will binge on it for 3 days, but it's frustrating. I haven't had a binge day in a long time.

Maybe I will just plan an outing to get some Christmas gifts, the walk will burn me over 500 calories and I'm too self conscious to order food in public. The money I would have spent on pizza can go to making others happy.

---

[Goal] I need to hit my goal before my first concert
/u/abraddon
Created: Sun Nov 20 21:15:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e257e/i_need_to_hit_my_goal_before_my_first_concert/
---
[removed]

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Green Coffee Bean Pills?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 20 21:10:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e24g1/green_coffee_bean_pills/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] Want to hit my goal before my first concert
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 20 21:09:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e24cz/want_to_hit_my_goal_before_my_first_concert/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Thanksgiving break freak outs
/u/Bad_idea_babe [5'7"| 189.8| 29.7| -14|F]
Created: Sun Nov 20 20:57:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e22d6/thanksgiving_break_freak_outs/
---
I'm so worried about Thanksgiving. I've written the actual day off, but I'm so worried about Wednesday to Sunday. I have BED and my kids and husband will be home those days. We're baking, shopping, taking the kids places, in general being away from home and eating out. Between the cooking for the actual holiday, meals out and drinks I'm so worried I'll lose control. And if I binge one day I'll get stuck and binge all break.

On mobile, can't flair

---

[Tip] I wanted to share a few ideas/tips. Maybe someone like me could benefit
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 143.8 | 23.30 | -50ish | F]
Created: Sun Nov 20 20:07:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e1ufu/i_wanted_to_share_a_few_ideastips_maybe_someone/
---
So I'm approaching almost exactly a year having dealt with my eating disorder. I developed it through different obsessive things, but it spiralled out of control and I really understood it as disordered eating once Thanksgiving and the holiday season of 2015 rolled around. So now I'm here. A year later and like 2lbs lighter.

I clearly don't know what I'm doing, but maybe my experiences of just fucking around with things and getting some things right and some things wrong can help someone else.

Recently, I've managed a breakthrough in my approach to not eating. I've always suffered from a twinge of binge eating and then restricting and then binging and then oh my god will it ever end. I dealt with this with Primatene and other appetite suppressants. Lately I've been feeling guilty about how taxing that is on my heart and other organs. I can recognize that the feelings and compulsions I feel today may not affect me in ten years, but the physical effects will.

So I decided to be *mindful* of my hunger. To me this means that rather than running away from the feeling of hunger, I should embrace it. My use of Primatene was in order to escape the feeling of an empty belly. Don't get me wrong, I definitely enjoy feeling as though there is no food in me, but I don't really relish the growling or cavernous feeling. But now I'm allowing my mind to sink into the pit of my stomach when I get those feelings. I'm allowing my thoughts to fill my belly and to test out where I feel the most empty, to relax my abdomen and fully allow my body to experience hunger. I've never felt so free and in control.

Last week I was able to have three days of heavy restriction (sub 600), unaided by any chemicals. For context, I would have been unable to do that even with the primatene. Primatene would max out at around two days of just not eating. Whereas with primatene I felt jittery, anxious, depressed and angry, I only got negative feelings and insomnia towards the end of the third day.

When I ended that, I *chose* to end it. I had agency and control over what I ate. Today I'm at 650 and I'm staying here. I won't be having any more food tonight. Tomorrow I'm aiming for 450 and the day after, around 575. I am not anxious. I'm not scared and apprehensive. I am calm and almost excited to be able to prove myself.

When I gave myself this control and this mindfulness, I gave myself trust and understanding. I believe that, for me, this is a tool that I can use to actually find success. Every other attempt I've ever made has felt haphazard or like it was only a bandaid on the bigger problem. For now, I believe I've found something sustainable (2-3 days low cal, 1-2 days maintaining).

**TL;DR** Being mindful of the feelings I have (both physical and emotional) has given me the agency I needed to take control and to release a fear of hunger that was holding me down.

also just to add, in the past two weeks, I've dropped from 147 to 143.6 (i don't believe it was all "real" weight, but hey, it's enough to make me happy)

---

[Help] [Help] I wasn't going to eat today
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | GW:115 | -16 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 20 19:57:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e1ss6/help_i_wasnt_going_to_eat_today/
---
I did so well. I ate Nothing for 2 days, was starving earlier so I took a nap and woke up feeling full somehow. Then my SO gave me shitty news. News I can't change. News that's just news.

I'm so mad at myself for eating. I've had 2 servings of dinner already. I don't give a fuck. I'm going to eat chips ahoy and blue bell ice cream afterward. Just took 3 shots of tequila too.

I'm full. I'm so full but I can't stop eating. Because I don't care. Fuck me. Why do I consider eating a punishment? God damnit.

I hate myself.

---

[Discussion] Maudsley Method
/u/kennedyconnolly [5'9| 120 | 17.4]
Created: Sun Nov 20 19:29:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e1o9o/maudsley_method/
---
has anyone done this method (against their will)? what was you experience like? if you aren't a minor anymore, have you relapsed?

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[Rant/Rave] My Introduction/Rant
/u/98thproblem
Created: Sun Nov 20 19:22:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e1n6w/my_introductionrant/
---
Hi Guys,
I discovered this community recently and this is my first post.. Sorry if this is just a wall of text and I totally understand if no one reads it, I just need it off my chest somehow.
I gained weight when I went to university and couldn't handle the stress. I was depressed and self medicated through eating cheap supermarket bakery food. Frankly I hated myself.
I lost the weight which took me from 'overweight' to the middle of 'normal' on the bmi scale.. I did it using 5:2 'fast' days where I ate 1500 5 days a week and 500 on the other 2, combined with regular cardio I lost around a kg a week.. but now I'm stuck (and have been for over a year). I never got to my goal weight because things kept getting in the way (social events, holidays) which I took as an excuse to binge because hey! I've already screwed up! May as well eat all of the things I don't normally even want! I HAD thigh gaps and cheek bones FINALLY but then Christmas happened/birthdays/all inclusive family holidays.
In my final year of uni this then spiralled into self loathing and my bulimia got pretty bad. I would lock myself in my room (which thankfully had an ensuite) and b/p cycle all day while I should have been studying. For me it was all or nothing - my 5:2 diet that had worked so well for me became 4:3 (if I was lucky) where I b/ped for 4 days straight then restricted 3 to make up for the weight gain. I spent so much money on shit food and my health was appalling.
Thankfully I graduated uni and getting out of that gave me a reason to change my routine- I just couldn't hide it any longer and I sort of forced myself to get better. I would actually lose decent weight during these times which kept me on a good path until one of these events would inevitably trigger me on a b/p spiral that would set back my progress by killing my motivation through a spike in water weight.
I had a terrible September & October where I discovered a way to hide my bulimia again and stopped weighing myself. I finally made a change on November 1st and have consistently hitting between 300-1200 (average ~600) calories a day (my maintenance is 'supposed' to be 1800 as I'm quite tall) yet in this time I had only lost 2kg.. what the hell?! And to make matters worse I went out on Saturday night then had a family brunch on Sunday morning and I've REGAINED that 2kg despite making an effort to make good choices.
I'm just so frustrated and I'm trying so hard to not throw in the towel today. It's midday and I've gotten away with not eating yet and I'll try and carry on for as long as possible..

Sorry that this was a really boring read, thank you for letting me get that off my chest.. and MAJOR thank you if you actually read this wall of moaning. I don't have a question or anything, I just don't want to be fat anymore.

Ps sorry mods I don't know how to tag or anything

Tl/dr I am a depressed bulimic who's trying not to fall back into old habits despite being fat again

---

[Help] Epsom Salts
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 20 19:06:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e1kpb/epsom_salts/
---
[removed]

---

Group
/u/elttil_snatas
Created: Sun Nov 20 18:13:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e1bwe/group/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I did so well today! (Rant)
/u/sprinkle1997 [5'2 | CW 129 GW 100 | -25 lbs | 19F]
Created: Sun Nov 20 16:35:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e0wbr/i_did_so_well_today_rant/
---
On mobile, cant tag bit rant/rave

Today, I went to the city and all I had was a taro slush bubble tea and a hot americano! A total of 375 calories, but I walked around and REFUSED to take the train for anything which was a blessing not only for my wallet but for my body! Gosh, I can't even believe I used to be so lazy!! I burned 625 calories! I'm so happy. I don't even feel hungry. I'm gonna do some self care when I get home and sleep early tonight :)

---

[Help] Coming Down from a Binge Phase
/u/Shernibop [5'3 | CW 134 | GW 100 | -66]
Created: Sun Nov 20 14:27:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5e095u/coming_down_from_a_binge_phase/
---
I've been binge eating much more often than I've been restricting. So much so, that I've shot up a whopping 20 pounds from my lowest weight and no matter what I tell myself or how hard a try, I end up binging again within a few short days if not several days in a row. I've tried restricting heavily, I've tried letting myself eat a reasonable 1,200 calories before restricting down to my normal 800 but I just can't stop and I'm starting to panic. I hate this and I feel like I'm out of control and I can't stop it and I need help. What do you do to help yourself out of a binge phase? What advice would you give to me? Please, I can't keep doing this to myself.

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[Rant/Rave] Is this normal?
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 101 | 17.00 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 20 12:31:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dznhz/is_this_normal/
---
So I have dysmorphia and I haven't been restricting like I should for 3 days because we have relatives over which means everyone and everything revolves around food ugh ): I am up to 104 from 101 and I have been giving in to indulgences and I'm so scared of ballooning back up because this is always where I start to spiral. But my lower stomach is so fucking bloated. And I barely ate today. I look pregnant and my bf assures me that's just how bodies look but I know I'm fatter than normal and everyone else. Like why is my lower stomach so poofy??? I've had bms. I just don't get why I have to look fucking pregnant no matter what I weigh ):

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Morning binge
/u/pineapplesandham [5'3 | 99.8 lbs | 18.17 | -5 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Nov 20 12:18:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dzljg/rantrave_morning_binge/
---
I don't know if I'd count this as a huge binge, but I definitely ate more than I hoped I would. After my usual bowl of cereal (270 cal), I then had a shitload of popcorn (250 cal), some yams (180 cal), some pomelo (130 cal), and other random shit (120 cal). That's like 950 cal already, and the only reason I don't call it a huge binge is because I've had times where I ate my entire maintenance calories before 10 AM.

Fuck, this is why I don't like coming to my parents' house. I love my parents and I miss them during the week, but I keep using the weekend as an excuse to eat all their delicious food!

At the same time, though, with the meals I have planned for the rest of the day, my total for today should be around 1900, which is 400 above maintenance. I guess I could just eat 400 cal less tomorrow (or make it 500 to be safe). My problem is, I don't know if I can stick to my planned meals with their allotted calories... I'm so weak, I can't resist good food. Even right now I'm contemplating going back for more popcorn. I hate this.

---

[Help] Toast is making me cry, did I do the right thing?
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Sun Nov 20 12:15:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dzkxk/toast_is_making_me_cry_did_i_do_the_right_thing/
---
So yesterday I got called into work for a double (host at an extremely popular and busy family burger restaurant) at 10:45 am and worked all the way until my actual scheduled shift which ended at a little before 9. In between I got a "burger" which was 2 patties, pickles, lettuce, tomato, and onion stacked like a burger with broccoli on the side for 312 cal. According to my fitbit I burned 2766 overall. (15,000 steps just from work! Whew!) Went home and my boyfriend slept over so we got drunk. Yesterday I weighed 157.8 and this morning before the hang over hit me I checked and was at 154.3. Water weight I know but still was so happy and thought I could get it down to 153 today. Having not eaten much I woke up more hungover than I've been in a while and as a result was sorta puking all morning but nothing really came out. Finally in hopes to feel better I made 3 big pieces of that really good sourdough bread with butter on it. It worked, but I can't help but feel instantly guilty. I typically try to eat wheat/gluten and dairy free because while I'm not allergic I'm pretty sensitive to them and they bloat the HELL out of me. 130 Cals per piece plus butter... I'm losing my mind crying, I called in sick to work so I'm not going to be burning much today and I'm scared the toast will bloat me and I fucked myself over. Advice? Help?

---

[Goal] Progress
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 20 11:25:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dzbtx/progress/
---
http://imgur.com/ENm9t9F

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[Rant/Rave] I dread the dining hall. I never go. I'm here. [warning: wall of text]
/u/neuro-fuzzy [5'6.3| CW: 112 ☹ | BMI: ??? | LW 98 | GW 108 | 20F]
Created: Sun Nov 20 11:06:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dz8ak/i_dread_the_dining_hall_i_never_go_im_here/
---
If it comes to fill those spaces

Only you can fill those spaces

-----
I'm here in the dining hall at the top tier, watching my dear friends from high school in pantyhose, sweater dresses, and partnered with 6-inch high plates of food ready to be discarded. This is sustainable. We're here to eat breakfast, I guess, or lunch now that it's past noon, and it really makes me bored. It makes me want to be unconscious because I am so full and I ate two plates of food. Here, announce the two grilled cheese sandwiches left on display. We will eat them. Here is the coffee. We will drink it. Here are the napkins, the windows, the phones the laptops we set them down no one wants these over-personalised pieces of shit. This is a demonstration of the promise we all uphold, and here we look for seats before we look for food, and unhealthy choices, well, it's all shit here. It doesn't matter, we're working on papers. Pay twelve dollars and drink the coffee in a college dining hall environment. Why are some of the people here so fat? How are some of the people here so thin, slim, there's that guy with the messenger bag, I better say hi. Here to congregate. Here to wear our season's new jackets and eat the cheese in the food the people prepare for us. Tastes okay.

I'm so fucking full, I ate macaroni with my pancake. I asked for the bacon and I ignored when she forgot. I insist. Come back for more, would you? What about the homework? I'm so full I could fucking kill myself, but I'm safe in this space. I can come back for more. That young man filling three take-out food containers with food? He thinks he's getting a deal, he things he doesn't give a fuck, but here he is, and I'm going to throw up.

I imagine myself better acquainted with bulimia, and I am crouching down in the bathroom, puking up the disgusting caloric energy manifested in the form of food and it shoots down the toilet bowl. Fuck the people here with hair product. Fuck the fact that it's a Sunday, the cordial meetings, the ice cream cones, the sweatshirts, the double servings. I am so tired. We came here to eat, and I ate, and now I want to die, because I already ate almost an entire jar of the jam in my refrigerator and passed out with my gallon of scotch whiskey blend. I have some tequila when that runs out. Should last a while.

Back to the bathroom after more. No one here really cares, they're too preoccupied with the stuff they're doing - the shit they're eating, the iced sugar drink concoctions they're gulping down. And it's okay here. It happens every day, it happens twice a day. It's called the freshman fifteen. It's still dirty in there, but it's clean enough to where I'm desperate enough to where I don't care, I need to get out. I need to get it out and this is my choice because there is still more here to eat. I think I'm hungover, but I should've just stuck with liquids. Jesus, I'm dying here, and god? Please help me get through this day. I promise I won't do this again. I won't be like these other people, and I won't eat my fruits because they're calorically dense and not in the way I want them to be. I don't need that addition to my diet. I'll be fine.

My breasts have grown in size one cup, at least, and it makes me sick to think. I'm already sick from eating too much, and here I am with bralettes that no longer fit me well. I spent money on those little pieces of clothing, and they made me feel good about myself and my delicate body, but no longer. I am thick, I lack shape, I am a woman without a little waist. This is what my body gives me at this age, and this is what my body lets me see. Make it nice, now. Two plates in a row. Three now. Four and sit here. Look at the bald man and eat because this is the general college population, and we are going to read here. Uh, we're going to eat here. We spent $12 and we're going to Starbucks later. It's going to happen.

---

[Goal] Goal Gifts
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 20 10:08:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dyxuu/goal_gifts/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Does anyone here take spin class? i.e. SoulCycle or any others?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 20 09:40:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dyt05/does_anyone_here_take_spin_class_ie_soulcycle_or/
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[removed]

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[Help] Please help me
/u/Tiny_peach [5'3" | 88.9 | 16.18 | -25]
Created: Sun Nov 20 09:18:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dypbn/please_help_me/
---
Hi, I used to post here and there but left for a bit...I don't know where else to turn now. Things have gotten so bad. I'm doing shitty stupid things, like restricting water for days at a time, when my anxiety goes crazy. I've lost almost ten pounds in the last couple of months so I guess that's "progress" but I feel like I'm fucking dying - some parts of me feel like they're on fire, others are totally numb, I can't focus or think clearly. I've totally given up on any kind of sustainability, things have been getting worse and worse and for the last ten days my eating has been chewing and spitting about 300 calories worth of simple carbs twice a day and then purging after, wtf. I have a nasty cut on my forehead from hitting the toilet bowl hard yesterday, I think I blacked out for a moment? Which has never EVER happened before. I'm getting these weird fissures in my skin - just places where it has like opened for no reason - I don't know wtf that is, dehydration? So so many other things that have popped up over the last few months but suddenly seem to have come to a head. I'm not even that low-weighted so I don't understand wtf is going on.

Somehow I am going to work and kind of going about my life but tbh I'm mostly distracted by how much I want to die. I think I'm too much of a coward to ever actually kill myself but it's scary, how obsessive and intrusive the thought is. I need to figure out a way back to some kind of self-care or at least harm reduction.

I have very few resources right now, either financial or time or emotional and I'm not really asking about recovery. But I need some kind of...plan for triage? At least a first step? Toward getting right(er) - to at least get back to caring about health in some respect, getting macro/micronutrients, being able to drink water without immediately purging it because it makes me feel too bloated/I'm afraid of retaining it.

I'm sorry this is so goddamn long. Thanks for reading, if you did, and lending your thoughts if you can.

---

[Help] Anyone been able to reverse emetophobia?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 20 08:47:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dyk66/anyone_been_able_to_reverse_emetophobia/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I try to plan my meals ahead but the website keeps giving me ridiculous portion sizes to work with
/u/TummyRumblz [5'8" | CW:155| LW: 146 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 20 08:40:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dyj0x/i_try_to_plan_my_meals_ahead_but_the_website/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/2a313df1a0fe470c8bd287f12765cc76?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=32f90e3821a0d854238e47c0cbf1fe38

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I absolutely hate when
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 20 08:23:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dygg6/i_absolutely_hate_when/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Going home for the first time in 18 months, I've gone from 160lbs to 105lbs in that time and don't want to talk about it.
/u/alksdjfoie [5'4F|105]
Created: Sun Nov 20 06:19:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dxza5/going_home_for_the_first_time_in_18_months_ive/
---
Haven't seen anyone from home once in that time, all my facebook photos are faceshots or in a fuckton of coats. I've hopped around the globe quite a bit, so in that time there is nobody who has stayed consistent for more than a few months, meaning normally people don't bring up my weightloss unless they do some serious facebook stalking back to highschool, and assume I've always been naturally skinny. I posted one full-bodied picture to instagram and had a family friend comment "guess you can't remember to eat without your parents reminding you!"


I don't want anyone to act like anything has changed. I don't want anyone to remind me of how fat I was. The only time I look at photos of myself from before I left is when I want to prevent a binge. I just want to pretend like I've always looked like this.


My mom told me not to worry about packing my wardrobe up because she's kept all my old clothes in storage. I don't want to go through them and be reminded of how big I was. I don't want to tell her they probably won't fit. Even worse, I don't want her to be watching my eating habits, it's why I love living alone.


I want to be excited about seeing my parents and my sister for the first time in so long, but all I can think about is how much I hate the person I was the last time I saw them.

---

[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post all the memes November 20, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Nov 20 05:08:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dxrek/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes_november_20/
---
This is the weekly 'Shitpost' Sunday thread for November 20, 2016.

This is the perfect place for all of your memes and humor posts!

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 20, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Nov 20 05:08:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dxre4/daily_food_diary_november_20_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 20, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Tip] Compression panties!!
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 20 02:43:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dxe0d/compression_panties/
---
Hi Friends!

I was rather drunk one night a month or so ago and went groupon shopping. I ended up buying [these](https://www.groupon.com/deals/gg-high-compression-high-waist-control-panties-4-pack?deal_option=556fdd8a-8a79-11e6-b378-002590604002&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=US_DT_SEA_GGL_TIM_TTT_PADS_CBP_CHP_NBR_g*gg-high-compression-high-waist-control-panties-4-pack_productpartitionid*193331386850_campaignid*342430861_adgroupid*25580660101_prodtarget*193331386850_productid*51698581_d*Goods-Product-Ads_keyword*_adtype*pla_merchantdid*10018412_c*97091881621_k*_m*_target*_adposition*1o1&mr:referralID=8c6e2eb3-af05-11e6-b623-005056947d48&gclid=CjwKEAiAsMXBBRD71KWOh6fcjRwSJAC5CNE168mr3_5p10CvR7am4I5mClgU7vJt90BMhnaX8mgekRoCvuzw_wcB) with no memory why. I gave them a shot even though they looked like horrible granny panties.

BUT I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH THEM. they compress your stomach and hold it all together and make me LESS hungry! It is a godsend. Highly recommend.

---

[Rant/Rave] Deleted IG, FB and Snap.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 20 02:37:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dxdeq/deleted_ig_fb_and_snap/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Compromise
/u/faebun [5'6 | 125.6lb | 20.35 | -38.8 | NB]
Created: Sun Nov 20 01:10:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dx5ie/compromise/
---
Ok, I know I just posted, but I'm so happy I just have to share this with you guys.

My boyfriend saw my last post and we started talking about recovery/relapse/all that good stuff. I mentioned that my goal weight was 88 because its a perfect number. It rhymes with 'perfect weight', its two of the same number, and its symmetrical both vertically and horizontally.

He jokingly suggested that my goal be a 'healthier' 111, because its three of the same number, still symmetrical, and one eleven rhymes with 'I'm in heaven'. I know it was a joke but holy shit, I'm so happy that someone sort of understand my numbers fixation.

I'm really happy with this. My BMI will be underweight but not low enough to meet the anorexic diagnostic criteria or suffer from any serious health problems. I'm just so relieved that I can fall back into my old comforting patterns and nobody's disappointed in me or ashamed of me. I wasn't ready for recovery and I told everyone that but they pushed me into it anyways, and now everyone thinks the problem is gone because I'm at a healthy weight again. I need to lose weight to comfort myself while I get my head right, THEN one day I can recover.

I just love my boyfriend a lot, and I'm so glad he understands, and I'm so lucky to have him omg

---

[Rant/Rave] Weight loss fetish?
/u/faebun [5'6 | 125.6lb | 20.35 | -38.8 | NB]
Created: Sun Nov 20 00:04:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dwz0l/weight_loss_fetish/
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[removed]

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[Intro] Well, im back
/u/mushroomlevel [5'5" | 106 | 17.5 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 20 00:03:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dwyue/well_im_back/
---
Things were going ok. I was maintaining at about 17.5 bmi. I wanted to go lower but I got myself some goals that had me thoroughly distracted for once. Then I lost my apartment. Back with my parents now. The distractions aren't powerful enough anymore and now Im fasting like crazy again.

A lot of mixed feelings about being back but I have missed you lovelies. To a small Christmas and a smaller New Year.

---

I don't have a scale...
/u/abraddon
Created: Sat Nov 19 23:16:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dwtwz/i_dont_have_a_scale/
---
[removed]

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Need a strict ana buddy/coach?
/u/DarkStormClouds
Created: Sat Nov 19 22:00:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dwkl4/need_a_strict_ana_buddycoach/
---
[removed]

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[Intro] Relationship issues fueling disorder/Intro
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 19 20:25:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dw7xx/relationship_issues_fueling_disorderintro/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Lost seven pounds in the last week didn't binge for a week and then broke today.
/u/TiredOfBeingFat_ [6'0"| CW251 |BMI34 | 22lost | GW130]
Created: Sat Nov 19 19:25:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dvz7k/rantrave_lost_seven_pounds_in_the_last_week_didnt/
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Haha Haha. Kill me now plz. I fasted for two days straight this week. And stayed under 500 cals the rest. I went from 245 to 237, and then I get to my dad's and it's binge city. Kill me now plz.

I'm gonna fast tomorrow to make up for it. Or at least just snack on a single bag of popcorn so my family doesn't say anything... Ugh.

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[Rant/Rave] Fuck this week (vent)
/u/Thepuginpink
Created: Sat Nov 19 19:07:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dvwo2/fuck_this_week_vent/
---
This week has easily been one of the worst weeks of my life. As if work and school weren't stressful enough, my ex boyfriend (whom I love very much) told me about a week and a half ago he wanted to be exclusive. He was talking to me and seeing me much more than usual and being all nice and I broke off the semi thing I had with any other guy. Well then Tuesday he decides that he's no good for me and we shouldn't talk anymore. Now yesterday and today I haven't been busy with school or work and I've been binging and purging like crazy. I don't even know the point of this post except to vent but fuck, life sucks. I'm so lonely now and I don't know what to do.

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] My own way to keep myself on track.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 19 18:59:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dvveu/rantrave_my_own_way_to_keep_myself_on_track/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Water weight or what?
/u/fatal11fem [5'2 | CW:124 | GW:100 | -6]
Created: Sat Nov 19 18:19:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dvplw/water_weight_or_what/
---
I have been trying to weigh myself only once a week and last week I was 123.0 so I continued to restrict and workout at least an hour every single day but yesterday I decided "lets be healthy and 'normal' and eat 1200 cal" mainly because my BF was forcing me to eat Taco bell so I got a veggie cantina bowl with no guac and some of his chips.

fast forward to today I hop on the scale and its 123.8. so like wtf..what gives?!

Is my body just punishing/sabotaging me by forcing me to stay fat or is this like water weight from cheese and rice? Im trying so hard not to freak out but I hate 600-800 kcal for 6 days before this, I burned between 300-400 cals a day in cardio daily, and Im no where near my period. Im honestly a stressed out mess, all aspects of my life are falling apart and now THIS. So now I have resorted to fasting today..I just want to make sense of it all.

Does anyone else know if this happens after eat taco bell or any advice at all really?

edit: words.

---

[Other] Does my 4 week pre-Christmas plan sound totally idiotic?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 142.6 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 19 17:46:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dvkm9/does_my_4_week_prechristmas_plan_sound_totally/
---
Today is November 20. If I go home for Christmas, it'll be December 20.

It's a short-term goal and I work better not thinking too far ahead. Here's my plan to get through the month and feel slightly better when I see my family.

Sunday: Fast

Monday-Friday: Up to 10 eggs with hot sauce - cooked in nothing

Saturday: TDEE

I usually fast on Sundays because nothing is open and I don't keep food in my apartment. Saturday is always the day I get invited to eat, so I can let myself enjoy that.

I know an egg mono is so ~butterfly ana~, but I'm weird about getting enough protein and it's easy enough to stay in ketosis. I like eggs and hot sauce and it's only 700 calories max per day.

Do this seem fine for just a month or am I just still feeling the effects of drinks tonight?

---

[Goal] I Threw Away My Scales [TW: Recovery]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 19 16:44:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dvakt/i_threw_away_my_scales_tw_recovery/
---
[deleted]

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[Tip] For anyone who lifts weights
/u/notyourtoy [5'8" | 126 lbs | 18.95 BMI | -37 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Nov 19 16:20:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dv6l4/for_anyone_who_lifts_weights/
---
Here is a great body fat percentage calculator based on your lifts. It's amazing.

http://strongur.io/calculator.html

I did a dexa scan and then had a trainer give me a skinfold test and they came out at 14% and 24% respectively. This test gives me 18% which seems much more realistic and I'm going to go with that to track my progress.

Side note: I'm spending today drinking 0 cal Sparkling Ice and watching The Pretty Reckless and Die Antwoord music videos. Been looking at pictures of Erika Linder and Heather Kemesky, my two favorite andro models, for inspiration and I'm going to pick one for my new lockscreen with mildly thinspo-y words of encouragement.

I do not feel strong. But I'm trying to be anyway.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm currently half way through what would have been a 50 hour fast but apparently we're going to my aunt's house for dinner tomorrow.
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Sat Nov 19 16:16:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dv5u0/im_currently_half_way_through_what_would_have/
---
Ughhhhhh. Seriously, I'm on track, I'm doing well, but there's always something. Normally when I fast I get cranky and hungry and I crave everything and every little thing is soo tempting but this time I'm getting none of that. I know I would have done it this time and it would have been my longest fast ever, especially because I would have been asleep when I hit the 50 hour mark but now I'm gonna have to eat tomorrow with my family. I reckon I can still get to 40 but it's not good enough :(

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[Help] anyone else here ever been on sertraline (zoloft)? has it had any impact on your weight?
/u/leatherhoff [5"3 | 130 | ftm (not on hrt yet)]
Created: Sat Nov 19 15:32:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5duynd/anyone_else_here_ever_been_on_sertraline_zoloft/
---
ok so yesterday i fiiiiiiiiiiiinally went to the doctor and got prescribed some antidepressants. ive been struggling with my mental health for at least 5 years so its good to finally be doing something that might help.
i got put on a trial run of sertraline and im a bit worried cos ive heard that that class of antidepressants can cause weight gain, but i asked the doc and she said it could actually cause weight Loss? and when she was telling me the potential side effects listed in her medical book, anorexia was mentioned.. im not sure what to expect, but im praying that itll kill my appetite or give me constant nausea thatll make eating horribly unpleasant :p ive been binging an awful lot and the amount of times im trying to purge has rapidly increased (went from just on occasion to multiple times a day in about a week) and i just wanna get out of this horrible cycle and back into restricting........... i havnt checked my weight in ages and im so scared cos im probably at my highest weight ever as a result of all of my binging. i hate this. i want these meds to help me starve

so yeah basically i just wanna know what i should expect. or what i should potentially expect?


^(off topic but i was recently trying to do a "binge free week" thing on here and i kinda stopped updating it after like 4 days and i wanna apologise for that cos, ironically, ive just been feeling too guilty from constant binging to even come onto this subreddit)

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[Discussion] What kind of (body) scale do you use?
/u/TopCat1392 [5'3.5" | FAT | ??? | -16.2 | GW:92.6 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 19 14:29:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dunlm/what_kind_of_body_scale_do_you_use/
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I know this has been asked a million times, but reddit's search function is impossible.... I'm looking for something moderately priced, and digital. Moving so I figure it's a great time to get a new one.

Ideally, something that is carried on amazon (us), but not a must.

Thank you in advance!!!!

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else take antidepressants that as a side effect give you major appetite suppression?
/u/llamadude00
Created: Sat Nov 19 14:24:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dumuc/does_anyone_else_take_antidepressants_that_as_a/
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I'm taking an antidepressant (venlafaxin) and it severely reduces my appetite.... and that's pretty much its only side effect. Anyone else?

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Hair extensions
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 19 13:28:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ducwi/hair_extensions/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I never want to smoke again.
/u/sprinkle1997 [5'2 | CW 129 GW 100 | -25 lbs | 19F]
Created: Sat Nov 19 12:42:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5du4tn/i_never_want_to_smoke_again/
---
On mobile can't flair, but this is like a rant.

So last night I smoked weed for the first time and I ended up eating an entire club sandwich and a chocolate milkshake that my friend got me from Wawa :/ Idk how many calories were in it but I'm scared to even look it up. I'm totally agonizing over this, man. I never wanna smoke again, I don't know what happened that my high just totally took over my mind and body. My friend knows I have a problem with food and he made a big deal about how I actually ate a normal amount of food and said he should get me high more often. Ughhhhh.

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Holy holy trigger batman
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 19 12:34:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5du3fz/holy_holy_trigger_batman/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Spending my 18th birthday alone!
/u/lovelybones98 [5'2 | 115 | 21 | 6lbs | F ]
Created: Sat Nov 19 12:22:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5du193/spending_my_18th_birthday_alone/
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I'm probably going to spend all day binging and purging and crying because I have no friends, boyfriend, or caring family. Any ideas on how to not use b/p to cope with negative feelings today? I really don't want to ruin my fasting streak.

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Ooh the mixed feelings
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 19 12:00:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dtxef/ooh_the_mixed_feelings/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Does anyone else feel like a fraud?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 19 11:43:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dtuer/does_anyone_else_feel_like_a_fraud/
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[deleted]

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[Other] How are YOU coping with Thanksgiving and other upcoming holidays?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 19 11:10:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dtoop/how_are_you_coping_with_thanksgiving_and_other/
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[deleted]

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[Help] I'm fasting and I can't sleep
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 19 11:08:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dto6l/im_fasting_and_i_cant_sleep/
---
Please help?

Edit: Guys, I can't do it. I feel like I'm about to faint and I don't want to die. I'm saying that because I feel like I might pass out and die. It might be because of all the caffeine, I don't know. But I'm gonna have a small meal and then I'm gonna try to sleep.

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[Other] How are YOU coping with Thanksgiving and other upcoming hold
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 19 11:00:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dtmw7/how_are_you_coping_with_thanksgiving_and_other/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] I found this video about a girl talking about her AN. I think you'll like it.
/u/tortaway [154cm | CW:48.5 | GW:45 | -9.5 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 19 10:54:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dtlqx/i_found_this_video_about_a_girl_talking_about_her/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_EDHMPzUhI

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[Discussion] Brain over Binge
/u/capture_the_excite
Created: Sat Nov 19 09:05:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dt2pz/brain_over_binge/
---
I knocked this book out in one day(!) on Thursday. Her story is really sad because I know what it's like to be wrapped up in an eating disorder for years on end - I've had mine for over ten years now and even in recovery I feel like it'll always be a fight, even though I am semi-recovered right now (I just want to lose ten pounds, then I'll stop there).

Anyway, onto the book. She writes about how the "animal brain" is the thing compelling us to binge, and how that's a *good* thing when you've been restricting. But that means her technique is the same whether you're caught in a binge cycle or successfully restricting. I've been using it to talk myself out of even eating a normal amount of food, which obviously isn't the book's intention but it works.

Has anyone else used this book for evil? I feel kind of bad about it but surely I'm not the only one?

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[Discussion] What's your favorite diet sodas?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 19 07:44:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dsq1i/whats_your_favorite_diet_sodas/
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Personally, I'm loving the diet cherry Pepsi. Any recommendations?

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[Help] randomly lost control
/u/turnonmyrighthand [4'9 | 83lb | F]
Created: Sat Nov 19 07:23:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dsn3m/randomly_lost_control/
---
ive been bulimic for 4 years now but i would only do it one to a couple times a month if that even. id go long periods of time without doing or thinking about vomiting. i just used it as a back up plan for when i overate or felt especially guilty about eating something.
now for the past month ive been under alot of stress and ive fallen into this insane b/p cycle where i binge and purge multiple times in a row every.single.day.
ive never ever been this bad. the thought of binging and purging more than once a week was too much for me before. now i feel like my stomach is going to rip the fuck open, no exageration i expand it 3x its size with my binges (which is also something new for me). ive purged so bad these past few weeks i lost my voice. this is hell and i want to actually die. and all for what? i have no idea i just cant stop.

anyone else ever gone through this?

---

[Discussion] What music has r/proED been listening to lately?
/u/antimeridian [mellon collie and the infinite fatness]
Created: Sat Nov 19 06:37:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dsgy1/what_music_has_rproed_been_listening_to_lately/
---
Let's all swap music recs to distract from the impending apocalypse on the 24th (aka Thanksgiving, for all my non-American friends). I'll start!

1. [First Love/Late Spring](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCphVz0ZGns) - Mitsuki. I saw her concert recently and she was amazing.

2. [Sweet Jane](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkumhBVPGdg) - Velvet Underground. The opening to this still gives me shivers!!!

3. [Archie, Marry Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGRhaFx1Zpw) - Alvvays. This is my fave dumb ~thinking about my crush~ song lmao

---

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! November 19, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Nov 19 05:07:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ds6i5/stupid_questions_saturday_november_19_2016/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for November 19, 2016.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 19, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Nov 19 05:07:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ds6hm/daily_food_diary_november_19_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 19, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] Friendsgiving
/u/inconceivable-- [5'5'' | CW 122 | GW 105]
Created: Sat Nov 19 03:08:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5drv33/friendsgiving/
---
Today, I hosted a “friendsgiving” at my apartment. The days leading up to this have been a tiring combination of excitement and absolute dread. Let’s just say the latter was entirely warranted—I was out of control tonight. Even when I reached a state of fullness that was *painful* I continued to eat. Nobody was making me eat. Nobody was asking me to take more food. Nobody told me to have “just one more piece of pie” or “another handful of chips.” I failed. I undid so much progress. I feel both physically ill and entirely disgusted with myself.
 

Why can't I eat like a normal human being: in moderation? Why can I have the discipline to fast all day or more, but the minute food touches my lips I become a vacuum? Why is my inner monologue invariably numbers and percentages and food and food and food and food and food?
 

And all I can think is how I’m going to have to have another one in a week with my real family.

---

[Help] Low calorie and cheap food with calcium?
/u/Navelpudding [5' 6" | 185 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 19 03:05:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5drut9/low_calorie_and_cheap_food_with_calcium/
---
I googled it and what I'm finding is either high calorie or expensive. My food budget is extremely pathetic (I have ~$15 for the rest of the year unless I can figure something out... Even on an ED budget that's so not going to work) but I really need the calcium in my diet.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm such a fat, worthless dumbass
/u/Alkylhalides [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Sat Nov 19 02:53:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5drtno/im_such_a_fat_worthless_dumbass/
---
Self harm trigger warning, sorry!
And sorry it's so long, I didn't plan on it :(

I weighed in at 145 on Monday (+7lbs from the previous Thursday haha fuck me!!!) after a weekend in Philadelphia at concerts with my friends where I had to eat in front of them for EVERY. SINGLE. MEAL. They'd even get "munchies" after the concert. Which doesn't make sense at all, why do you need cheese-stuffed, deep fried lard after burning so many calories dancing?
Anyways, because of that ugly fucking number, one hundred and fourty five fucking pounds, I started to heavily reatrict again.
Tuesday was a failure, my friends called me out on not eating, forced me to go to the university cafeteria with them. I had two slices of pizza (360). Couldn't even purge because my throat is still sore from being sick last week.
Wednesday I had a huge exam and needed something so I could keep studying. One slice of rye bread, thin layer of butter and I overcalculated calories on purpose (81).
I tried fasting all day Thursday. My sorority had a fucking ZITI NIGHT. Why do all social activities have to include food? Showed up late hoping it'd all be cold and mostly gone, and it was. Then I ate four fucking cookies (658 including some crackers I had earlier).

The scales been broken since Monday and I finally got new batteries for it. Today I had 3 cups of tea and lots of water, which I just peed out instantly. I bought new razors and decided that when I weighed in today, for every pound over 140 I'd slice away the fat. I want to carve into the pounds of fatty flesh I have. I want to cut and cut until I can see the skinny me under all this bulky, chunky lumps of fat. When I weighed myself tonight... 134.4 lbs. I'm happy, or rather I should be. I know I should be. But also I'm not? It's not good enough, I'm not good enough, and I still want to cut. I'm still going to cut.

---

[Help] got drunk, binged
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | hw: 139 | cw: 114 | gw: 95 | 19F]
Created: Sat Nov 19 01:43:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5drn9e/got_drunk_binged/
---
currently deunk & feeling like a fat pos. I binged hard, probably like 3000 cals with all the damn mixed drinks. feel sick. The worst part is I made plans to go out w peiple I haven't seen tomorrow, so I can't really back out and I'll be expected to eat and drink again. I'll fast until then but still. I'm thinking sub 300 Sunday-Tuesday but that doesn't feel like enough. ugh. I'm already having fucking nightmares about weighing myself tomorrow. sorry just needed to vent. y'all are great and I hope your weenkends are going Better than mine. <3

---

[Help] Someone please tell me I'll be okay
/u/Skinnystems
Created: Fri Nov 18 22:36:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dr3kr/someone_please_tell_me_ill_be_okay/
---
Yesterday I had weighed in at 110 and I am stoked, I want to maintain that. But as of yesterday and today, I've binged a bit. Tomorrow I'm getting back on track with exercising and eating right, can someone reassure me that I'm not going to gain 6 pounds from this and be back at my normal weight that I plateau at, which is 116?

---

The weekends are always the hardest. Stay strong, friends.
/u/nyopq [5'11 | 174.0 | 24.3 | GW: 115 | M]
Created: Fri Nov 18 21:32:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dqv63/the_weekends_are_always_the_hardest_stay_strong/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dqv63/the_weekends_are_always_the_hardest_stay_strong/

---

Upset at myself...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 18 20:58:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dqqm5/upset_at_myself/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] How do you deal with people rudely pushing you to eat something?
/u/VenusUnicorn
Created: Fri Nov 18 18:58:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dq9mg/how_do_you_deal_with_people_rudely_pushing_you_to/
---
Basically the title. It's been happening to me a lot lately, and I am TERRIFIED of confrontation, but I want these people to stop being so rude to me. How can I shut it down without also sounding rude?

Semi-relevant information? I am just a little bit under overweight and these people are maybe near the middle of normal, I'm obviously bigger than they are. I eat low cal/high volume in front of them to avoid suspicion. I know they know I don't eat what they're offering me.

Plzzzzz help :(

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else has this promise with themselves
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 18 17:06:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dprol/does_anyone_else_has_this_promise_with_themselves/
---
That like, if you make it trough your life skinny you can get fat at 60 and then kill yourself at 70?

It keeps me from binging sometimes. Just like, later, one day. I don't even see myself making it to 60, but booooooooy I'm gonna eat some cake then.


Also sorry for rambling, got morphine in me, my memory is fucked, haven't slept in four days (not even overestemating that) and it's gonna be a long night

---

[Help] Tricks to keep people from noticing how little you're eating?
/u/isthisokayandhealthy [5'5" | 125lbs | 21.05 | 16lbs | F]
Created: Fri Nov 18 16:32:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dplws/tricks_to_keep_people_from_noticing_how_little/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend is Driving Me Crazy.
/u/marr_issey
Created: Fri Nov 18 16:14:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dpimu/boyfriend_is_driving_me_crazy/
---
I have had really bad body dysmorphia for about 8 years now. I've been through treatment, but I feel like it's just intensified over the years.

Now, I have a realy wonderful (and totally thinspo worthy!!!!!!) boyfriend. We have been together for almost 4 years, and have lived together for 2 years.

We share a computer, and this is the cause of my insanity. I know he watches porn, but ask him to keep it on the low and delete/hide things so I don't see it when I go on to do schoolwork.

The other night, I open up the laptop to begin doing some homework and notice that a reddit page was open. No big deal. BUT it was a subreddit dedicated to really thin naked women. I was 110 pounds when I met my boyfriend, and now I'm 145. I know it's not his fault, but I have been a mess for the past few days. Kinda numb at times, but I guess this is some good motivation to lose all that extra weight...

---

They weigh me every morning in the hospital
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 18 15:14:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dp7wa/they_weigh_me_every_morning_in_the_hospital/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I told my host family I can't eat after 5pm for 6 weeks per doctor's orders.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 142.6 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 18 15:08:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dp6ts/i_told_my_host_family_i_cant_eat_after_5pm_for_6/
---
And it took so much stress off me. I start working the evening for them at 6:30 and cook the dinner. Normally I would eat with them, but not knowing calorie counts freaks me out and it was always food that was too much for me. It was causing such anxiety every day.

Now, I do have IBS and GERD and general digestive upset. I always have even before eating disorders came into my life. So actually not eating a few hours before bed is a good idea for me. I used to do intermittent fasting, so I quite enjoy it. I like going to bed lighter and waking up feeling empty.

I told them the doctor said to stop eating 6 hours before bed and try for 6 weeks. I'll say I noticed such a difference and stop my meds because of it, so will continue.

I have almost 8 more months with this family and they'd support me with anything especially something medical.

I cannot properly explain how amazing I feel not stressing about dinner every night. I get to cook beautiful meals for everyone and love it. Best of both worlds.

---

[Help] Not weighing myself and steadily going crazy
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 18 14:31:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dozpz/not_weighing_myself_and_steadily_going_crazy/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] I'm doing a Saturday-Thursday morning fast in preparation for Thanksgiving.
/u/lilialley
Created: Fri Nov 18 14:17:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dowwm/im_doing_a_saturdaythursday_morning_fast_in/
---
I have been bingeing like CRAZY and I feel like this is the only thing that is going to keep me sane in the next few days. So I'm going to have to pull out all of the stops.

Never done a fast so long before...should be interesting!

---

[Rant/Rave] Food smells during fasting...think I'm gonna die ),: (this is basically just a caffeine-induced ramble)
/u/frostb0nes [5'2 | CW: 110? | LW: 87 | HW: 132 | GW: 95 | NB/F]
Created: Fri Nov 18 14:11:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dovps/food_smells_during_fastingthink_im_gonna_die_this/
---
Who knew my first post here would be a ~relatable struggle~. I'm...16 hours in to my first fast in a while and my s/o is cooking chips (french fries) downstairs and I am losing willpower so bad. I LOVE potatoes ))):

It's so fucked cause I've never been actively eating disordered while living with someone else. I mean, I did when I lived with my mom but she was never home and really didn't seem to notice or care about my habits until I was below 90 pounds LOL...and she always ate out. I've never had to deal with so much temptation!

Basically, yesterday I binged...sandwiches, baked beans, pastry, ice cream, crisps, CHERRY COKE!!! WTF!...and the binges have been more frequent lately (usually I am 250 - 500 cals w/ 2 750 days and 1 free day...weird, I know, but that Metabolism Grind...is that even real? or do I just love an excuse to stop restricting?), so I've decided fuck it, I'll fast for as long as I can, or maybe I'll start alternate 1 day fasting 1 day X amount of calories...see if I can break what I FEEL is a plateau...I wouldn't know though, because we don't own a scale and s/o won't let me buy one...

that's fucked, too...ED relapse without a scale the whole time...the only way I know I've lost weight is by measuring and my clothes getting loose, which is obviously like the SLOWEST way to see progress...GOD

I feel like such a jerk cause when I'm avoiding food I HAVE to be upstairs. If I'm downstairs, I'll end up caving and eating. It's not like I can just do what I used to do and not have anything in the house to eat, cause my s/o needs food obviously...I'M SO CRANKY...so yea I'm just hiding upstairs all day and have barely spoken to my s/o, who I LIVE with, all day...what a glamorous way to live...

Is this annoying yet? Was it already? So sorry! I've just got all this junk built up inside of me that I haven't vented at all cause you know...well, ED's are isolating, and I don't wanna hurt people by venting about it on social media elsewhere ya know?

I'm not good at fasting at all it seems. I started my relapse with a sort of accidental restricting period which caused notable weight loss (as it always does at the start). Then I just launched into a sort of unintended fast for a few days and started puking up bile, so I had to eat ): So, this is the first one I've done in months and I'm already like...ready to throw a fit and just order a bunch of BULLSHIT for delivery.

Idk what the point of this post was. I'm sorry. I was originally just gonna talk about the chips...oops...

---

[Rant/Rave] It's been a bad week
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Fri Nov 18 13:27:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5don0o/its_been_a_bad_week/
---
I've been on a Disney cruise for a whole week and it was insane. 4 course meals every night, an all you can eat buffet of good food, bottomless ice cream, soda, and desserts. And every family member watching you like a hawk when it's meal time and pressures you into stuffing yourself 3 times a day.
I dread going home to see the scale. But finally relieved I can go back to my usual eat nothing routine

---

[Rant/Rave] Stop asking me for food! (Rant)
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 18 12:58:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dohb0/stop_asking_me_for_food_rant/
---
Currently in High School, I bring two small snacks with me to get by. (Usually ~200 or less) There's this dude in my Film and Math class and he ALWAYS asks me "Do u have any food?"

Um, yeah but if I give it away I can't survive the day. I usually say "No sorry" but he asks every fucking day like how dare you assume I have more than I need.

Also, it's MY food. It's what I have planned out, and it's what I feel safe to eat. You absolutely cannot have the food I'll actually eat.

It just pisses me off. I know it's the ED, but I still can't help but feeling incredibly salty when he asks. I get really defensive, and ugh it may seem like I'm overreacting but seriously.

He also eats like total shit . Hes not fat by any means, but all he eats is garbage. Waaay more than the body needs. Gluttony is also a huge issue for me, so that also contributes to my anger.

One time he was like "ugh I'm so hungry u got any food" and I straight up said "Drink some water" *super icily* and he was like "um what's water gonna do" so I (angrily) told him how it suppresses your appetite and how you won't be so hungry if you drink water. He looked at me like I was crazy and was like oh um ok.

Today when he asked I threw my bagel at him .

At least I dont have to throw out food anymore. There that.

---

[Help] OK foods to binge on?
/u/AnoYuna [5'4.5 | CW: 103 | GW: 95]
Created: Fri Nov 18 11:54:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5do4pv/ok_foods_to_binge_on/
---
What are some ridiculously low calorie (but hopefully filling & doesn't taste like vomit) foods I can binge on? Note: when I say binge, I mean at least 10 servings. I tried edamames for a while, but while I adore them, I can easily eat 10 cups in one sitting x_X I thought it was okay because "oh hey, it's green, it's gotta be low calorie", but I realized this morning that nope. That's like 2k calories easily. No wonder I've been gaining...

Thanks in advance!

---

[Help] I really need to feel better. Advice and help please?
/u/smokesanddietcokes [Everybody's Fool]
Created: Fri Nov 18 11:15:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dnwja/i_really_need_to_feel_better_advice_and_help/
---
Quick run down:

* Four weeks ago ate to maintenance for a race, lasted 2 weeks until last week when I planned to restrict

* Last week got a cold, tried to restrict for 2 days, felt like shit, ate to maintenance or more remaining 5.

* This week went for high calorie restriction (600-1000 range, up to maintenance-1500 on gym day).. but increased exercise to compensate for extra cals, no rest days.

Basically I think increasing my activity hit me harder than I thought, despite the higher cals than usual. My increased activity involved a hill run and a run increasing my distance.. which also ended up being a hill run... on my two days that were supposed to be rest days. I restricted both those days because I am not clever. I'm still not over my cold, it went to my chest and I've been running with it.

Guys, I feel like shit. I feel like shit despite the increased cals and I don't know what will make me feel better.

My routine is booked until next Tuesday, next Tuesday is my next rest day. I don't know how I'm gonna get through it. I COULD cancel but doing so will be letting down a LOT of people. I'm already behind on my gym routine and not been doing so well because of the cold.

I don't even have an appetite. *Me*, no appetite. Like fuck I'm ravenous all the time, but here I am prepared to eat just to feel better *and I don't want anything*. I managed a bowl of oatmeal and protein powder before the gym, and a handful of gummy bears afterwards (gym session sucked so that wouldn't have taken much out of me). I have a timed run at 9.30 tomorrow morning like argh. Then at a market all day.. gym the next day.. running club the NEXT..

I'm not hungry. I'm not craving anything. I have no clues how to feel better. I feel lethargic and weak, and generally terrible. No symptoms as such, just like I could die right now.. so exhausted and weak. I have this instinct that I need to eat but I really have zero appetite or hunger for anything at all.

I've even been looking at online takeouts to see if anything makes me feel hungry because despite takeout being a COMPLETE nono for me, even when I'm having a cheat day or binging (I like takeout way too much and always overdo it and so just don't go there any more no matter what), I'd even eat takeout right now if it made me feel more energetic/whatever. But nope, nothing. I've felt better and stronger during my longest fasts..

Sorry I can't give anymore clues than that, but I really need to feel better to keep up with my schedule until the next day I can just sleep all day and regenerate. Anyone have any ideas? Sorry this is such a shit post, I'm pretty desperate.

---

[Tip] About to binge? Read this. (Bonus thinspo included)
/u/get-fucking-thin [5'5" | 142 | 23.63 | -10 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 18 11:14:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dnwav/about_to_binge_read_this_bonus_thinspo_included/
---
(Already binged? Look [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cbia3/what_to_do_after_a_binge/) <3)

First thing you need to know is that you're not alone.

In fact, I'm about to binge right now.

I'm sitting here with a bag of potato chips and a bottle of soda in front of me. There's chocolate in the kitchen.

Here's the plan.

First, I need (and you need) to remember how you feel after you binge. You feel gross and heavy. Bloated. Your stomach looks like a basketball, and you feel sluggish and slow. That's the first thing you need to do.

Next, I need you to recognize what you're craving. Is it salty? Sweet? Crunchy? Soft? If so, there are lower calorie substitutes for all of these. Try coffee with a splash of soymilk and splenda. Heat up apple slices in the microwave and sprinkle on cinnamon. Have a rice cake.

Think. Think of school. Do I want to go looking like a whale? Or do I want to be delicate and small. How about boyfriends/girlfriends? Would you let them watch you binge?

Now, I need you to distract yourself. Turn on a show, go out on a walk, exercise, talk to friends. Look at thinspo. This is a big one for me. [here is the promised thinspo album](http://imgur.com/gallery/EaBu5).

Browse proed. Think of the girl/boy you want to be.

Stay strong.

---

[Rant/Rave] Told the guy I'm seeing about my "pseudo" ED.
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 18 10:50:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dnrhe/told_the_guy_im_seeing_about_my_pseudo_ed/
---
At first I don't think he thought I was being serious or that it was a big deal. I think he even sort of laughed at me. I was crushed.


I started to water up a little like "wtf" and that's when he started taking me more seriously. He was really good about consoling me and it definitely made us closer.


Problem is, is that people don't know how to act with that kind of information, is there even a right way to respond?


He started saying things like "well I think your body is bangin", and "you could probably stand to put on a few pounds" (massive eye rolls right?!). He is obsessed with feeding me now. Like this morning he goes "alright new rule, whenever you spend the night we have to eat breakfast".


I know he is trying to help and it feels better to get it off my chest but god damn.


Just wanted to share my victory/loss with you guys since that is the last person I am going to open up to for awhile.

---

[Rant/Rave] Can't wait for Thanksgiving
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | GW:115 | -16 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 18 10:12:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dnjk7/cant_wait_for_thanksgiving/
---
I can't wait for my family to ask why I'm not eating more and send a **bunch** of leftover food home with me. For them to force me to drink sugary apple cider and hot cocoa. For me to feel guilty because they made a special dessert just for me without any nuts that I'm not going to touch. Can't wait to be the only one not stuffing their face and being asked six million questions.

I hate the thought of all of it. I just want to sit at home in my flannel pajamas and not eat for all of Thanksgiving Break. I hate not being in control. I hate not knowing exactly how many calories are on everything I put in my body.

---

[Discussion] What keeps you going?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 18 09:06:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dn64k/what_keeps_you_going/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] 10 lbs per month... possible?
/u/colour-of-sky
Created: Fri Nov 18 08:50:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dn2t5/10_lbs_per_month_possible/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Stupid question, but at what BMI were you able to see your pubes just by glancing down?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 18 08:36:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dn097/stupid_question_but_at_what_bmi_were_you_able_to/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] My life is coming unwound.
/u/In_a_fatsuit [64" | 119# | 20.9 BMI | -104# | F]
Created: Fri Nov 18 08:33:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dmzj8/my_life_is_coming_unwound/
---
But the scale said 117.6 this morning, so at least I have that going for me. I haven't lost much of anything in 3 mos. At least one thing positive happened this week...

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[Rant/Rave] So confused.
/u/edible_hamstersFTW [5'0" | CW 100.8 | 20.7 | -14.2 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 18 08:02:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dmts7/so_confused/
---
On mobile, can't flair, but rant/rave??


I had a huge thanksgiving dinner last night. By huge, I mean at least 2000 calories were eaten at this meal alone. I've never been able to purge, but I had to last night just from the amount I ate. I could only cough up a few bites though. I thought for sure this binge was going to make me gain like 3-4 lbs when I woke up the next morning, but here I am only .2 lb more than what I weighed yesterday morning???? I had such a bad night after eating and I don't understand my body!

---

[Rant/Rave] Setback [rant?]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 18 07:49:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dmrbj/setback_rant/
---
[deleted]

---

[Goal] I have a plan
/u/TummyRumblz [5'8" | CW:155| LW: 146 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 18 07:47:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dmr1c/i_have_a_plan/
---

Can't flair on mobiles:(

I've been plateauing for 2 weeks and it's killing me. I've been restricting to 0-600 cals a day not including exercise. So my plan is to eat "normally" until Monday afternoon, fast until thanksgiving, restrict as best I can on thanksgiving, then fast until classes start back the next Monday. My only problem is that eating "normally" is difficult for me to do.
Sorry for rambling.

---

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! November 18, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Nov 18 05:11:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dm2jg/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for November 18, 2016.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

**Rules**

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host.

Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, inspiration behind your OOTD (trying to look thin or cover up weightloss, etc.)!

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 18, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Nov 18 05:11:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dm2iq/daily_food_diary_november_18_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 18, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Help] Rice mono?
/u/faebun [5'6 | 125.6lb | 20.35 | -38.8 | NB]
Created: Fri Nov 18 02:46:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dlm9q/rice_mono/
---
I know theres a lot of hoo-ha about monos working or not working, but I'm going to try anyways, mostly because I'm poor and the only food I have left is rice.

Will adding furikake seasoning (seaweed) or soy sauce disrupt the mono? And can I still have unsweetened tea?

---

[Other] i can't believe this but...this is my goodbye.
/u/sunflowerfairy [4'11" | no goal weight; nothing will ever be good enough.]
Created: Fri Nov 18 02:41:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dllqh/i_cant_believe_this_butthis_is_my_goodbye/
---
i still feel the same way i've always felt but i've come to realise that i'm letting my grief express itself in a unhealthy way (*bullshit, all bullshit, it's the only way i ever expressed my grief*)



and that i'm damaging my body and that i need to preserve my health, which is the most precious thing of all (*i'll never care for my health, i still want to starve myself into an early grave*)



but yeah most importantly my parents have kind of found out about all of this so i have to pull back and leave this community and try to bring some balance to my life by regulating my eating habits and preserving my health for my parents sake for than anything, as long as i'm living with them



until then, i'm going to have to unsubscribe because this sub is no longer applicable to my life. i've gone grocery shopping, outlined a meal/exercise plan (and am sticking to it) and now i'm going to count my calories and track my exercising to mantain my weight.



thank you for everything, but now i have to go lose myself somewhere on the path of life. my mind is still a jumbled clusterfuck and some part of me feels bad for having to pull out before i could even *express* the extent of my devotion, and it's all so sudden and startling because i now have to piece myself together instead of just wasting away like i initially planned, because now i have to bring some semblance of normality and sanity back into my life and have to unscramble my thoughts and feelings against my own better interests, and now i need to be *normal* for my parents, for my peers, and for everyone else. but now another part of me realises the urgency of it all, realises that i'm only *sixteen* and i'm already on a path that leads straight to the grave, that maybe, just maybe, there are things in this world that are worth living for. and that ultimately, i'm ardently, agonisingly, determinedly chasing something and i don't even *know* what it is, and what i'm trying to achieve from it all, by damaging myself and ruining my mental health.



in any case, before i confuse my state of mind any further, i'm glad to have been part of a community that's very hard to say goodbye to. i'm so grateful to have been part of a community that engulfed a petulant teenage girl with the warmest of love and the purest of affection, that was always there for her to turn to when she never really had anything or anyone else.



but for now, i'm going to go off and stop thinking about it...and the rest is rust and stardust.

---

I'm going to do my first 72 hour fast
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 18 02:16:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dlj6h/im_going_to_do_my_first_72_hour_fast/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE CALORIES?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 18 01:45:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dlfvo/why_does_everything_have_calories/
---
Okay, so I had a binge where I ate my way up around 75~ under my BMR (IF IM LUCKY, MIGHT I ADD) I buy some sugarfree stuff, including this bottle of FunOne. It says one calorie on the package and I still haven't completely left binge-hell, so I quickly throw my money at the casheer. I come home, apparently this shit is 1 calorie per deciliter *if you mix it with water* The entire bottle is 38 cals and I want to fucking end myself. I just want some goddamn sweet stuff, why must you trick me like this?

---

[Help] Decaf coffee also an appetite suppressant?
/u/sheelalala
Created: Fri Nov 18 01:41:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dlfgm/decaf_coffee_also_an_appetite_suppressant/
---
I can't really drink normal coffee, cause I get super jittery and nervous, so does decaf work too?

---

[Rant/Rave] Someone didn't believe me when they saw old photos of me...
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [🐷 5'2 | NB-dfab | CW: 163.6lb | 29.9/31.0 | UGW: 90lb | -26.4lb]
Created: Fri Nov 18 00:07:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dl5b6/someone_didnt_believe_me_when_they_saw_old_photos/
---
I showed an online friend some photos of me at my tiniest... she didn't believe that it was me. Then I said I still look a little fat in those photos. She scoffed at me.

She keeps telling me I let myself go that much. It's hard to hear but it's the truth. I let myself go from collarbones and thigh gaps to triple chins and beer bellies. I blame it on IP but honestly I just let myself go on a two year binge.

It still hurts to hear though

---

[Help] [question/advice?] muscle gaining with ED
/u/fastestnerdalive
Created: Thu Nov 17 22:55:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dkw7a/questionadvice_muscle_gaining_with_ed/
---
I want to gain muscle. Like, a nice amount of muscle. Any tips on how to handle restricting and still gain muscle?

---

[Discussion] Retro pro-ana sites
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: 100 | -35 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 17 22:21:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dkrj6/retro_proana_sites/
---
I was just digging through the internet today and I found this livejournal of some pro-ana group from 2001... It was super interesting reading about their obsessive calorie counting (imagine doing that without a smartphone oh gosh), fasting, safe foods, etc, and I just find it almost hard to believe that people 15 years ago suffered from the same things we do... Nothing's changed at all. I wonder how those people are doing today.

What were some old sites you used to be on or that you know of? And are they still up today?

---

[Discussion] Anyone have issues with birth control?
/u/pinotblanc [5'3 | GW:115 | -16 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 17 20:46:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dkdfr/anyone_have_issues_with_birth_control/
---
Any time I'm on birth control pills I gain weight. I know the evidence says this isn't true, but I will change nothing and gain 20 pounds in 3 weeks.

I was on NuvaRing for a while and gained no weight on it! I just switched to the Mirena IUD and I'm terrified that I'm going to gain weight on it like I have before on pills.

Has anyone struggled with bc and weight gain and their ed?

---

Need your opinion on psych drugs.
/u/fancycunts
Created: Thu Nov 17 20:35:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dkbso/need_your_opinion_on_psych_drugs/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] What do you usually do on your birthday?
/u/psychedelicfoxes [5'7'' | 110lbs | 17.2 | -36lbs | 19F]
Created: Thu Nov 17 20:16:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dk8rp/what_do_you_usually_do_on_your_birthday/
---
So mine is coming up and I'm feeling a bit iffy about it. Like. . . What do you all do in terms of food? I think I just want to keep the attention off of the aspect of meals/cake/etc all together, but on the other hand that may be difficult to do.

---

[Help] Trying to lose muscle... [Wall of text warning, TLDR at bottom]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Nov 17 19:49:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dk4bc/trying_to_lose_muscle_wall_of_text_warning_tldr/
---
[deleted]

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Bulimia Issues
/u/prettyybabyyprincess
Created: Thu Nov 17 19:31:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dk1g7/bulimia_issues/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] [Help] Monkey See Monkey Do
/u/antkings [GW 105 | BMI 20.4 | -79lbs | Male 20]
Created: Thu Nov 17 19:31:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dk1e7/help_monkey_see_monkey_do/
---
My best friend knows about my eating disorder, and is also understanding over how I'm just not ready mentally to recover, because of how anxious eating makes me. She doesn't comment on my food unless I do, she squeals with me when I'm happy with the food that I'm eating, she loves sharing low cal recipes with me, just trying to give me safe foods that I CAN eat. When I'm with her, "everything has zero calories!" (everything usually means alcohol or cookies that I tell her I really want to eat but am apprehensive about.) She really makes me feel safe and awesome.
She's also about 200 lbs and not very happy with her weight. She used to be much skinnier than I was, I was always the big one, but now we've sort of "switched".

I recently showed her the app I use for my tracking of calories and activity (Argus). She was delighted with the way it calculates your caloric expenditure throughout the day based on how many steps you've taken, stacked onto your BMR. It wasn't until after I told her how much I had lost how quickly, however, that she took an interest.
Now, I'm a little afraid I've triggered her. She's been texting me to ask for help estimate calories in things. She refuses to eat bread. Because we're friends on the app, I can see how many calories she eats, how many steps she takes, and how many calories she burns. She's been eating under 800 kcal a day-- which is the goal that I told her I aimed for. She's much heavier than I am at the same height, so while I have approximately a 1,000 cal deficit per day walking around 15,000 steps eating 800 cals, she has approximately a 1,600 deficit per day walking 5,000 steps.

I'm a little jealous. She burns so many calories doing almost nothing. But I'm also very concerned that I'm sparking awful behavior in her. What do you think I should do?

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm so disgusted with myself.
/u/bumblers [5'8"| 125.3 | -20 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 17 19:12:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5djyb4/im_so_disgusted_with_myself/
---
Sorry for the shit formatting, mobile. >:(

For September and October, I did really well. Crazy well. After ballooning 20lbs earlier in the year I dropped from 145 to 131 and was feeling unstoppable. Couldn't wait to be 110 by Christmas. Then Halloween happened. It triggered the biggest binge I had, and to avoid the ensuing panic attack/anxiety/self hatred I just told myself that this was me getting better! I'd be fine! I'd eat at maintenance and life would be great!

Yeah, what the fuck was I thinking? Here I am, 2 weeks into November, already gained 5 pounds back from being a fucking ignorant glutton. And now all my self hatred is crashing down on me at once.

I'm pathetic. I can't believe I thought I was better. It's like two weeks of emotions are hitting me right now. I fucked up almost half my progress. Fuck. Fuck fuck FUCK.

---

[Tip] The wonder of Alternate Day Fasting!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Nov 17 18:42:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5djt38/the_wonder_of_alternate_day_fasting/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] God I'm in the hospital
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Nov 17 17:50:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5djk80/god_im_in_the_hospital/
---
For an infection and am eating like a fucking pig. Easily over 1300 yesterday even though the food is crap. I'm justying it by "oh you need protein!" "Your body needs food to heal!"

No, you need to stop eating this shit damn it.

---

[Help] Help me out?
/u/hippielongstalkings
Created: Thu Nov 17 17:12:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5djd3h/help_me_out/
---
[removed]

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[Tip] Anyone using stimulants or thinking about it, please read this. Damage control PSA
/u/TheThinSister
Created: Thu Nov 17 16:47:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dj8f0/anyone_using_stimulants_or_thinking_about_it/
---
**Edit** A concern was brought up and I wanted to address it. Amphetamines can be a life changer for those with ADHD/ADD. If you are struggling with ADHD/ADD don't let this scare you away from getting help. If you have concerns about taking them, talk to your doctor about it. This post is intended to inform people who may not know what can happen when stimulants are abused.

Some of you may know this, but I'm sure even more people don't. And I feel it's important to know the downside to using stims, especially for weight-loss. A lot of the information is focused around amphetamines, but is still pretty applicable to stimulants like coffee or EC Stacks. (tl;dr at the end)

(I'm mobile so I'll have to rewrite this later. The order of information given could be better presented in a more organized manner)

Stims (amphetamines in particular) boost Dopamine or serotonin levels which give you that drive and energy to get shit done. Along with suppressing your appetite. But along with that use up a lot of important vitamins and minerals that your body needs. Calcium is one of the big ones. I'm not going to make a list of everything that gets used up (unless it's something that gets asked for a bit).

Continuous use of stimulants will cause your brain to adjust to the amount of dopamine that's is being released and that will become the baseline levels. Meaning when you don't have the drug to boost your dopamine levels, you'll end up with low levels. For now I'm going to go into the details of what that causes.

Which leads me comedowns. I'm sure most people know what it's like when coffee wears off. Most the time it isn't too bad. A little less energy, maybe some yawns here and there. Now think about those days you use coffee as a meal replacement. When the caffeine wears off... It can be a bit worse. Irritability, headaches, fatigue, dozing off, etc.

Now let's talk about stronger stimulants. A good rule of thumb is the stronger the stimulant, the stronger the comedown. An example could be 50 mg Adderall vs 50 mg of Meth. The Adderall would give you a pretty bad comedown, but Meth would be hell at the same dose. There are a few things that can make comedowns less miserable. When you're on a stim, not eating enough is pretty common. So your body starts to break down what it has stored, making it much worse. Eating will help this though. A nutrient rich meal before things start to wear off will help. Even just milk will help. It's got a lot of what your body depletes while taking stims.

Another issue with stims is neurotoxicity. The best thing to avoid damage from that is keep your doses as low as possible. HOWEVER, it is important to not microdose. This causes (possibly permanent) increase to Dopamine sensitivity. Which can increase anxiety, make you jumpy, and other things. I don't know what a microdose is for all the stims, but Adderall is around 3mg. I came across a study earlier that mentions Milk Thistle can protect your neurotransmitters a bit. Another study showed that there is a correlation to how much damage happens from neurotoxicity and body temperature. Basically saying more damage happens at higher temperatures. So try and stay cool.

And lastly, let's talk long term use. This brings me to addiction, tolerance, and more comedowns. The longer you take a stimulant the more likely you're going to become addicted to it. This gets expensive to keep up and is a good sign your life is about to get a bit more difficult. Every day having to plan around when and how much you'll need to redose, needing to take more just to notice it, along with shorter "highs" and comedowns that will get progressively worse. It's pretty shitty having to worry about coming down when you're in the middle of hanging out with people.

Addiction to stims can be pretty difficult to kick. The uplifting effect, energy, happiness, motivation, social-ness, and the love for all that is more than enough for someone to want to take another dose when not taking it means headaches/migraines, nausea, (severe) depression, no motivation, painful aches, spacey-ness, dizziness, irritability, and sleepiness (the kind 18 hours of sleep barely helps). I'm sure the lists are longer, but you get the idea. Tapering down each day with what you take will help with taking the edge off, but still sucks. Most likely while tapering, you won't even notice what you took, but it will make the negatives be less shitty.

If you can take a couple days to sleep and eat is very nice when kicking a stim. If you have things like school or work, then trying to come off of them can become very difficult to do. Just look at the negative effects and you can probably imagine how that'll make school/work awful (which feeds back into just taking one more dose). For those who have a hard time with self control, carrying only what you're allowed for the day and leaving the rest at home can help stop you from relapsing. Also exercise can relieve some of the effects of withdrawals or comedowns.

Tolerance is easily understood, so I don't need to go into much detail on this one. The more you take and the longer you take it, the higher your tolerance becomes. When your tolerance goes up, so does the amount of the stim you need to get the effects your after. Keeping your doses and taking (frequent) breaks will help avoid developing a tolerance.

I mentioned comedowns earlier, but was talking more about short term. The longer you take stims, the worse it gets. To avoid making the wall of text too much taller, I'll keep this short. A good rule of thumb is the longer you take a stim, the worse it's gonna be. IE that fatigue can end up at the point you struggle to even stand up, headaches that make you puke from pain, forgetting what you're saying mid send sentence, etc. To make all this worse the rush/buzz you get starts getting shorter lived before the comedown happens.

A very important thing to remember is that when you stop taking stims, depression will likely happen and it can get very bad. It's the biggest reason I can't stop cold turkey.

**tl;dr** (you're welcome)

Continuous stim use will change your baseline for dopamine. Effects can be found by searching low dopamine levels.

Amphetamines are neurotoxic. Milk thistle may help protect a little. Higher temperatures increase the damage caused by the neurotoxicity.

Eating a meal before the comedown hits will lessen how bad it is. Milk is an excellent option. Extra calcium is very important when taking amphetamines (possibly other stims).

The longer you take stims, the worse the comedown gets, your tolerance increases, shorter lived effects, causes lack of motivation (when you haven't taken anything), can worsen depression, and increases chance of addiction.

Taking breaks is very important for keeping tolerance down and minimizing damage caused to your body.

I recommend reading the post if you're thinking about taking stimulants. I also recommend not taking them in the first place. Yes they're amazing, which makes them that much more dangerous. Just be careful.

Edit 2: In terms of breaks, one or two days off a week is pretty reasonable imo. I tend to go two weeks on, half week off. Expect to be tired when you take a break.

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[Rant/Rave] God. Dammit.
/u/thatonegirlfrommath [5'5" | 131.2 | 21.8 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 17 15:37:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5diurz/god_dammit/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] So It Begins [Rant]
/u/Water-coffee-tea [5'9.75" | CW:113.8 lbs. | BMI:16.06 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 17 14:53:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dilxa/so_it_begins_rant/
---
So, like the title says. It has begun. Thanksgiving meals. Holiday treats. The people. The desserts. Everything.

I went to my husband's office Thanksgiving pot luck today. It was cute, lots of nice people. I brought gluten free homemade maple pumpkin mini muffins (71 cals each). 🎃😀

I was SO CAREFUL to pick out good "safe foods" for me. Oven roasted turkey. Salad and carrots. Fresh pick de gallo on top and no dressing. Half a serving of tortilla chips to eat and share with my kid. 1/4 cup sweet potato with brown sugar, pecans and god knows what else in it. I ate one of my muffins and a no bake oatmeal peanut butter cocoa cookie (small).

Jesus. I added it up to like, 750-800 cals.

I can't eat dinner tonight.

I guess it's good I'm so full, lol.

I only drank unsweetened tea, too.

I have a very fun friend thanksgiving dinner on Sat night as well as the actual meal on Thursday with some family to look forward to, as well.

I got one you're so skinny comment, but it was okay, it came from a very small Asian woman who was just trying to refer to how much my toddler must make me run around and English is her second language.

There was another lady though. I'm glad we don't know each other. She was at our table and started telling our fit friend that she should eat more, that she can eat whatever she wants bc she is too thin, etc. She glanced at me during this. I ignored her. My friend ate PLENTY! Big plate. Just bc she didn't go back for seconds doesn't mean you should call her too small. Just ugh.

And it's not like this is your last meal people! There is still the actual holiday next week!

Okay. Rant over.

Guess who's taking my vitamins with water and one bite of yogurt tonight.

This gal.

---

[Other] A sort of poem
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 112.2 18.18 | 22F]
Created: Thu Nov 17 13:48:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5di8c5/a_sort_of_poem/
---
Her bone-shattering hunger is

all she has most days,

braces for her withered legs.

This girl will survive in Hades.

She is always cold, no fire

can warm her, damnation holds little threat.

If she eats one

pomegranate seed, tongue-red and blood filled,

she will be stuck in hell forever

or at least for one more month.

She is bone strong, brittle hair, sleepless sunken eyes.

*Beautiful,*

the whispers drape like a cloak over her sharp shoulders.

*Beautiful.*

The word finds a home in her hands and feet, open wounds.

*Beautiful.*

It is a fishhook embedded in

her tongue, reeling her in inch by inch.

Her ribs curve around her, skeleton hands,

a cage - not beautiful. Just bone.

Famine walks hand in hand with gluttony

and with

every step,

they leave bits of themselves behind in their footprints,

soggy and damp, until at last,

whittled away, they are small enough

needles to wrap the girl in a spider silk cocoon

and kiss her goodnight.

If she sleeps long enough,

perhaps this time

she will wake with wings.

---

[Help] I'm having abdominal pain and I'm freaking out.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Nov 17 12:53:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dhwtt/im_having_abdominal_pain_and_im_freaking_out/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE have a hard time believing the scale or tape measure?
/u/skinnyhero [5' 4" | CW: 164.9 | 31.5% BF | -27.1 | NB/F]
Created: Thu Nov 17 12:49:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dhw03/dae_have_a_hard_time_believing_the_scale_or_tape/
---
I measured today after the scale hadn't budged in a bit and I was another half inch down around my hips, belly, thighs, and waist and I'm convinced I must be measuring wrong because I feel enormous!!

---

How to eat like a bellerina of ballet
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Nov 17 12:18:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dhp9a/how_to_eat_like_a_bellerina_of_ballet/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Concerned about exercise induced hunger sabotaging my restriction?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Nov 17 12:05:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dhmgq/concerned_about_exercise_induced_hunger/
---
[deleted]

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Newbie here
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Nov 17 11:53:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dhk0x/newbie_here/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] How to stop before things get out of control? Whoever reads this whole thing is a living Angel.. <3
/u/runnin-n-whey [5'4.5 | 116.8 | 19.92| -20 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 17 11:25:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dhe1l/how_to_stop_before_things_get_out_of_control/
---
First Post!!

I just want to say I've been lurking for almost 24 hours and I already feel so connected to the community- I've seen my own story on these pages and It makes me feel so much less alone <3

Basically, I was always just a bit too chubby growing up but never anything crazy, finally after gaining the freshman 15 about 3 years ago I decided to take control of my health and was able to go from my highest ever, 150 to about 115. I had just met a new guy so food was the last thing on my mind anyways.

Fast forward a year or so later I discovered running and things just got a bit out of control with running about 12k a day and eating only about 800 calories .. then I got to about 100lbs and injured myself pretty badly so I went back up to 115-118 and maintained around there for about a year.

This summer things got bad and I went back up to mid 130s and I just felt awful, then I did a cleanse and met the GUY OF MY DREAMS, for real he's perfect, I went back down to 118 no problem.

Now I'm just trying to slowly work off those last few pounds so i can stay 110-115 while half marathon training (I run about 50km a week) while AIMING to eat about 1000-1200 a day. Seems healthy (lol at my flawed idea of health) and reasonably sustainable, right?

The only problem is I'm getting back into bingeing at night to almost at or even sometimes above maintenance and I'm getting so scared. I'm so bloated, my stomach always hurts and I don't want it to impact my relationship. I've tried eating more throughout the day to stop night binges but it just makes me eat more overall! Its hard to restrict too much while I'm training because I run reasonably long distances every day (which I shouldn't be doing but I have anxiety and it really helps).

Does anyone have any advice on how to get this under control before It turns into a problem? I'm in such a good place right now and I just want it to stay like this! I'm ok with the last 5-10 pounds coming off really slowly as long as I'm not bingeing - it makes me feel sick and scared and leads me to do things I hate like purge or overuse lax. I was also on antidepressants for a few months but in the last couple of weeks I've started weaning off because I found that they were making me 1) hungrier, and 2) weren't improving my mood even after the 3 month "adjustment" period

I know this was super long and I apologize I just feel as if this community probably gets me better than anyone else in the world.. and if anyone could offer some great advice it would be you all!

xoxox

---

[Rant/Rave] I just want to be SKINNY
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Nov 17 10:48:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dh63d/i_just_want_to_be_skinny/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] can somebody help me figure out the calories in a restaurant meal please
/u/winterpopp [5' 7" | SW: 165 | GW: <100 | F22]
Created: Thu Nov 17 10:41:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dh4nf/can_somebody_help_me_figure_out_the_calories_in_a/
---
I knew I was going to Olive Garden today and ate less yesterday and didn't eat breakfast, to compensate for the calorie bomb of eating there, but I still want to know my damage haha. I got a kid's meal, chicken fingers and pasta as the entreé, with broccoli as the side. On [their website](http://media.olivegarden.com/en_us/pdf/olive_garden_nutrition.pdf) (kids meals are all the way at the bottom) it lists that kids meal as 400 calories, but on MFP it is 500-550 calories. I dont know how much to estimate for it when it varies so much between the two.

---

[Help] Gaining weight on purpose...
/u/capture_the_excite
Created: Thu Nov 17 10:32:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dh2ri/gaining_weight_on_purpose/
---
I had an MRI on Monday because they think the tumour in my brain has grown. I tell my husband it's fine, I'm not worried but I'm afraid. Every time I get a headache (which is all the time now) I get scared. I can't stop thinking about it. I want the test results to come back, even if they're bad, so I at least know what I'm dealing with. This limbo of not knowing is unbearable.

I ate two slices of pizza last night and I feel awful. I'm up two pounds and every ounce of it is visible on my body. My thighs almost touch; my arms are flabby; my breasts are swollen. But I need more weight on me if I want to make it through chemo. I'm torn.

Has anyone had to gain weight for health reasons? How did you handle the mental battle?

---

[Rant/Rave] I was doing so well...
/u/brileybreid
Created: Thu Nov 17 10:02:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dgwiw/i_was_doing_so_well/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] bloating and how to get rid of it?
/u/lllbt
Created: Thu Nov 17 09:48:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dgtjp/bloating_and_how_to_get_rid_of_it/
---
I have been staying under 1000 calories for the past four days and usually eat that much during the week. I have been feeling extra bloat-y recently and i'm very much filled with gas. Why is this? Is it because there isn't much food in my stomach most of the day? I've been drinking apple cider vinegar but how do I get rid of this bloating gas feeling?

Do you guys have any advice or tricks to get rid of this?

---

[Intro] Introduction-Hello, all
/u/cet0l0gy [69in | 127.2 | 18.45 | ~20lbs | F]
Created: Thu Nov 17 09:21:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dgo4v/introductionhello_all/
---
Hello friends. I'm a longtime lurker, but first time poster. I wanted to be underweight before posting. Today I've finally reached that number this morning (albeit, only just).

I hoping to find friends here, because my life feels really...insane, and I can't seem to talk to anyone irl. Work is going really well, but my personal life seems to be spinning out of control. I'm calling into a meeting for my job that I could not love more, hungover from partying at this really rough bar last night, and railing blow to make myself feel awake.

Outwardly things look good: I've lost an additional 10 pounds, my skin looks great and I can wear all the tiny clothes that I was too big to wear when I'd gained almost 30 pounds. I'm really, really standing out at work and getting all kind of acknowledgement and praise. I live with my boyfriend and my best friend. Perfect life.

Inwardly, things are a mess: I drink too much; I spend too much on blow; I sleep about five hours a night; I haven't hung out with my best friend in months; my boyfriend and I haven't had sex in two months. He loves me and I love him, he's just not into sex.

At least I'm losing weight!

---

[Rant/Rave] Just ran 5 miles fasted. They promised me a slow, flat one. They lied.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [Everybody's Fool]
Created: Thu Nov 17 09:17:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dgn7p/just_ran_5_miles_fasted_they_promised_me_a_slow/
---
I am a relatively new runner, and although I am quite proud of my progress considering the disordered eating, I am not a great runner.

I have only run a flat, slow 5 miles once before, not fasted. This was only my second 5 miler.

People I ran with run 4x as fast as I do. I am a tiny woman and they are strong experienced men with strong legs.

They promised to go at my pace.

They promised a flat route.

For these reasons, I thought I could totally get away with going fasted.

LIES ALL LIES.

They were fast and refused to slow down. It was hilly as FUCK. Long, winding, never ending hills in my town. Long long hills. It was also absolutely freezing but they had convinced me to not wear my jacket because I'd get too warm. Me, being stupid, listened.. THEY got warm, sure, I stayed freezing. Cus always cold, cus restriction.

My whole body has seized up. I have a headache, a blinding headache. I'm seeing stars. I can't warm up despite sitting in this big fuzzy blanket for 30+ minutes now.

At least I bloody ran it all though.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else get sad after an EC stack?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Nov 17 09:07:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dgl83/anyone_else_get_sad_after_an_ec_stack/
---
[deleted]

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[Tip] Craving crunch?
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 112.2 18.18 | 22F]
Created: Thu Nov 17 09:07:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dgl45/craving_crunch/
---
RADISHES

For reals. Wash, trim the edges off, slice into thin medallions. They are crunchy, a little spicy, and perfect if you've been looking for something non-carb to eat hummus or salsa or a low-cal cream cheese spread with.

Best part? 15 calories in SEVEN radishes. Normally I only eat three or four anyway, because I have low spicy tolerance. Love eating it with either homemade hummus (that way I can avoid olive oil which is an ultimate no no) or just the generic Aldi stuff, 50 calories in two tablespoons plus a fair amount of protein (yay).

---

[Other] Let's all cry together
/u/420blazefiend [5'4'' | 119.05 | 19.83 | -22 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 17 08:27:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dgdbk/lets_all_cry_together/
---
http://www.mowinecellar.com/the-calories-in-a-glass-of-wine-vs-a-shot-of-whiskey

---

[Rant/Rave] Nonesense thoughts (Rant)
/u/sprinkle1997 [5'2 | CW 129 GW 100 | -25 lbs | 19F]
Created: Thu Nov 17 07:53:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dg6qk/nonesense_thoughts_rant/
---
On mobile, can't flair :(

Does anyone else think to themselves thoughts that do not even make sense? I keep losing weight but I look at myself in the mirror and think things like, I have put on too much weight. And then it takes me a few minutes to realize that its nonsense? It's pretty scary

---

Some hope/inspo for those hate their elephant thighs as much as I hate mine 😊
/u/bitterorbetter [5'5| 145| 24.1 | -15 | F19]
Created: Thu Nov 17 07:42:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dg4o3/some_hopeinspo_for_those_hate_their_elephant/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/33c07bae7bc04309a4ac415d93f812d5?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=022118ddbab35822a2fe37308b15c593

---

[Discussion] No wonder fasting feels so GOOD...
/u/ResurrectionOfMarion
Created: Thu Nov 17 07:29:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dg2gf/no_wonder_fasting_feels_so_good/
---
https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn12718-starving-is-like-ecstasy-use-for-anorexia-sufferers/

---

[Help] Hair pulling to overeating
/u/TopCat1392 [5'3.5" | FAT | ??? | -16.2 | GW:92.6 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 17 07:19:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dg0s1/hair_pulling_to_overeating/
---
I deleted this post last night as I wasn't sure if it was allowed. However, if someone has some insight I'd greatly appreciate it which is why I am reposting. Mods, please delete if not. Long story short, I started struggling with hair pulling about 5 years ago after a messy breakup. It was intermittent during that time, but flared up horribly around may or june of this year. By september, I'd plucked several noticeable (impossible to cover) bald spots on my head. Last month, the urge to pull slowly faded and I stopped almost as quickly as I started. I have noticed though, that instead of having the occasional binge, I have increased to binge eating daily and as a result have gained 7lb in two weeks. Even with water weight fluctuations, I figure that's 5lb pure fat.

Not sure whether to tag as rant, discussion, or help

ETA: I know some of you wouldn't consider this bingeing, but I don't know what else to call uncontrollably eating everything in sight regardless of whether I'm hungry or not for weeks on end. Not trying to be offensive to anyone.

---

[Help] I don't get it..insight?
/u/tattoosandcoffeee [5'4 | GW 108 | -12]
Created: Thu Nov 17 07:04:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dfy3b/i_dont_get_itinsight/
---
[removed]

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I've been so off track..
/u/sossox
Created: Thu Nov 17 06:24:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dfrkw/ive_been_so_off_track/
---
I've been extremely stressed out these past two weeks and started eating normally/bingeing again and I feel like such a fat piece of shit. Just trying to get back into restricting but it's so hard with everything going on. I've gained 2 pounds and I just really hate myself right now.

---

[Help] (help) I just had a massive binge and I feel so sick
/u/olivegreenblack [165 | CW 52 | HW 70 | LW 50.8 | GW 50 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 17 05:47:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dflof/help_i_just_had_a_massive_binge_and_i_feel_so_sick/
---
oh my god I feel so sick right now. I just had probably the worst binge of my life, none of it was even particularly good food. I just ate and ate until I felt so sick and I couldn;'t stop and oh god everything hurts. I feel so sick. My stomach really hurts so much and I feel nauseus and I'm struggling to breath and my chest hurts oh god why why why. my head hurts so much and I cant stop shaking. How do make this feeling go away?? I barely have a gag reflex and I've never been able to throw up. I have no ipepac or laxatives. I tried drinking a cup of water with a shitton of salt but that only made me throw up a mouthful and no more. I don't know what to do. this hurts so much. why did I do this to myself?? Is there anything I can do to make this awful feeling go away? everything hurts and im so scared right now

---

[Intro] Just wanted to share
/u/la_perla_negra
Created: Thu Nov 17 05:40:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dfkmp/just_wanted_to_share/
---
(On mobile, can't flair) I just wanted to say thank you to everyone on here; I'd been lurking for awhile but the posts I've read made me feel connected and were highly relatable. I feel like I can share a bit without judgement.

I'd always been big, even as a child I was taller and outweighed many of my peers. I place much of my disordered eating at the feet of my parents; Mom used diet supplements and yo-yo dieting. Dad spent time binge eating junk food with me as a means to spend time. Both regularly made comments about my weight that made me uncomfortable/ unacceptable.

By time I reached high school and my final height (5'9) and went from 216 lbs to 125 lbs (senior year) my mom was trying to force feed me cakes.

I've struggled for years since with my weight; the highest was 278... I've tried many many different substances along with restriction etc.

For the past few months I've been between 195 and 191 lbs; I recently stopped taking an ephedra supplement and am stoked that I've been loosing weight without it. I'm down to 187 as of today and I don't have heart palpitations at this point. Restricting seems soo much easier without it.

Sorry for the length, thanks for reading

TL;DR: have a history of disordered eating, been really heavy and really small. Recently gave up ephedra and doing better without it.

---

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support November 17, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Nov 17 05:07:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dfg5o/weekly_emotional_support_november_17_2016/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 17, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Nov 17 05:07:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dfg4x/daily_food_diary_november_17_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 17, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

Need to lose a few lbs quickly. Please share your advice on how to minimise hair fall/loss?
/u/_nicolee
Created: Thu Nov 17 05:04:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dffmt/need_to_lose_a_few_lbs_quickly_please_share_your/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] Water Weight Woes and Wallops: When you realize you can attribute unexpected fluid retention to your menstrual cycle 🙌💕🕊
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Nov 17 04:59:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dff3v/rave_water_weight_woes_and_wallops_when_you/
---
[deleted]

---

Just broke my 39 hour fast
/u/bubble0001
Created: Thu Nov 17 04:09:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5df94j/just_broke_my_39_hour_fast/
---
Ok ice cream and Doritos
* please tell me it's going to be okay *

---

i know that realistically i'll never be skinny and it fucking kills me.
/u/sunflowerfairy [4'11" | no goal weight; nothing will ever be good enough.]
Created: Thu Nov 17 02:45:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dezr5/i_know_that_realistically_ill_never_be_skinny_and/
---
i fasted for two days. i thought i was making progress. i looked the thinnest i'd ever been, i *was* the thinnest i'd ever been. and now it's all gone to fucking shit because i'm back to base one. i think i've *gained* weight and i can't even articulate the clusterfuck that is my mind right now, it's all so ineffably maddening and frustrating and just not fucking fair.


fasting is the only thing that's ever made me feel good about myself. everyone i'm surronded by *hates* me (it sounds like delusion because it's almost surreal, but it's all true) and i thought that, at least i'm better off than them, at least i have more *resolve* and ***conviction*** than them. (because part of my ed is tied into these power play dynamics, more so than vanity)


but no, i'm back to being on the lowest rung. i'm disgusting, worthless and so fucking ***weak.***


and it will always go on like this.

---

[Rant/Rave] My friend just let me know he bought me clothing for Christmas...
/u/Navelpudding [5' 6" | 185 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 17 01:38:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5despp/my_friend_just_let_me_know_he_bought_me_clothing/
---
And from another country. I might literally die on embarrassment if it doesn't fit or I will cry if it's way to big because then clearly they think I'm fatter than I am. This will not end well. I am half hopping it gets lost in the mail. I am a shitty person.

---

[Other] A poem I wrote about having eating disorders
/u/lovemyfragilebones [5'2" | 99 | 18.11/18.76 | -11 | gq 19]
Created: Wed Nov 16 21:57:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5de1eb/a_poem_i_wrote_about_having_eating_disorders/
---
Ana says chapstick, not chips

My indulgence is green apple, smoothed over the lips

I must be perfection, no cracks, no splits, no tears

I must look feather-light in everything I wear

Clothes are like rewards: 'Am I thin enough for this?'

And when it seems unflattering, the answer- to restrict

 

Ana says write poetry, instead of eating food

Write elegies and limericks, to distract from fork and spoon

Make your knife the cutting word, the bold, incisive line

And slim those pounds from round your waist, ignore it, you'll be fine

It seems the mirror adds ten pounds, my mind provides the shame

And when it seems I can't go on, I write in Ana's name

 


Ana says skinnier! No excuse for gain

And every meal I skip allows a step up in the game

Extra points for exercise, each calorie I burn

Is a blessing to my body, which in time will learn

To run ever faster, farther, stronger, better

Until I look just tiny in those tights and that cute sweater

 

Ana says no eating, and when Mia interjects

I must feel shame for all my binging- a worthless fucking reject

'And of course,' I think 'there's a reason I'm so awful and so down

It must be my fucking eating, piling on those pounds'

And Ana and Mia both agree, the only way to fix such splurge

Is to turn on the faucet and the shower, play rock music, and purge

 


They say to me, 'throw up, stick your fingers in your mouth'

And all but the greasy residue of my shame and guilt spill out

I've saved myself from gaining weight, walk out weak but having won

I've reversed that big mistake, my will again is strong

And I hide behind my water bottle, vitamins, and mints

Because eating is an awful sin, and I know I must repent

 


It seems to me that one day, maybe, way on down the road

Ana and Mia can look at me, from my head down to my toes

Can run their bony, beautiful hands over my sallow skin and bones

And say to me 'you're beautiful,' let me bask inside their glow

To get there I must listen, even if it kills me

They are the voices in my head, starving me to 'skinny'

---

[Other] Oh y'all, I think I might have found alcohol gold.
/u/sorryqueen [5'2" | dreadful | F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 20:25:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ddnil/oh_yall_i_think_i_might_have_found_alcohol_gold/
---
https://imgur.com/a/Uquf9

Today while in Target, I found what looks to be alcohol gold: 100 calorie sparkling alcoholic water. I didn't have much time to give it a look over, because the boyfriend shot down the idea of getting it almost immediately. Im not sure how this concept works in reality, if it's any good or not....

Has anyone else seen this, or have tried it? I'm super curious about it!

---

[Discussion] Someone suggested we do something like this earlier today so here you go. I am a college-aged male with an eating disorder. AMA
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 16 20:11:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ddlay/someone_suggested_we_do_something_like_this/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Dealing with low blood sugar
/u/scaredalternate [5'5'' | 163 | GW 160 | UGW 120 | -57lbs | M]
Created: Wed Nov 16 19:45:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ddh1n/dealing_with_low_blood_sugar/
---
I've always had some problems with low blood sugar, but 2 years after getting off a certain medication it's gotten a lot more manageable (I used to have to eat every 4 hours or I'd get confused and almost pass out, now I can go multiple days).

Sometimes it's worse than other times though. I fasted from 12pm monday to 5pm today then I ate 270 calories (just some rice cakes, not very good for me I know). Now I am cold but sweating, weak, confused, everything low blood sugar. I am too anxious to eat something else, plus my fridge is completely empty anyways. I don't think I would be able to stand up very well at this point because I've left it too long. Do I wait it out or should I do something?

---

[Help] [advice] struggling to maintain my motivation for my goals
/u/bustyblondefromimgur [starting BMI: 38 - current BMI: 23.7 - goal BMI: 20]
Created: Wed Nov 16 19:40:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ddg56/advice_struggling_to_maintain_my_motivation_for/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] OG thinspos you've had since before social media was big?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 16 19:31:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ddenc/og_thinspos_youve_had_since_before_social_media/
---
[deleted]

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Not very impressive but my rib cage is peeking out to say hello :) first time in 3 years
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 16 19:20:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ddcug/not_very_impressive_but_my_rib_cage_is_peeking/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/78f38503fbac4bddb902b18368347868?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=9ad861be69ceb74e369d0e82d27d121e

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I need a friend
/u/bubble0001
Created: Wed Nov 16 18:39:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dd62u/i_need_a_friend/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] I traded my trich for binge eating.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 16 17:46:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dcwpp/i_traded_my_trich_for_binge_eating/
---
[deleted]

---

My friend captured the moment he said I looked like a stick figure. That's the look of disbelief, awkwardness, mild embarrassment, and budding excitement I'm sure y'all are familiar with, lol.
/u/thunderbirdandspice [5'10" | 136 | 19.5 | -10 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 17:08:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dcpu1/my_friend_captured_the_moment_he_said_i_looked/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/db9078970a2a4b6cac71156fc8ddc479?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=1008d1bf5945ffc3b8cd311e100be19c

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Food bingo! I'm sure a lot of us can relate to this :)
/u/fancycunts
Created: Wed Nov 16 16:31:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dcj2b/food_bingo_im_sure_a_lot_of_us_can_relate_to_this/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/3e3464208abe4f219fce58448bb24ea3?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=639808f7c5ca41271ef10563365b4c22

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[Rant/Rave] Why do I even bother?
/u/LittleSkittles [5'4.5" | 95.0 lbs | GW 70 lbs | 19F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 14:39:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dbx0z/why_do_i_even_bother/
---
Why do I try doing anything at all? Seriously, why do I bother even trying to look nice, when it never works at all. I still feel just as terrible about myself except now I've wasted god knows how much of my day as well. It's not like anyone notices anyway. I can starve myself and pretend I'm thin all I goddamn want, it still doesn't make me pretty enough for my boyfriend not to cheat on me, again. It still doesn't make me feel any better about the trainwreck that is my appearance. My face is goddamn lopsided, and noticeably so. I can't even smile straight. My rapist stole my smile when he broke my cheekbone. My whole body is lopsided because my ribs healed wrong, so now one hip cocks out like an inch and a half more than the other, and there's like an inch difference in the circumference of my thighs because of the fucked up way I move because I'm fucking lopsided!

So there's no point even trying anything. My skin is still flaky no matter how much makeup I cover it with, or don't cover it with, or moisturise, or fucking don't. I look like shit no matter what clothes I put on, whether it's something nice that I'm devaluing by wearing, or just something to hide how goddamn ugly I am, I still look terrible. And either fucking way, my boyfriend still cheats on me. So what is the goddamn fucking point?

---

[Help] EC stack and cold sores?
/u/Ultimatedream [5'6 | 124 | 20 | -41 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 14:32:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dbvje/ec_stack_and_cold_sores/
---
I started EC stack three weeks ago and I'm having my second cold sore right now. I usually only get one every six months, this is a bit unusual for me. So I was wondering if anyone else had this?

I also got problems with cold sores when I was on Seroxat. Maybe it's just something that triggers it?

---

[Rant/Rave] So excited, first post!
/u/the_karmapolice [5'3"| 88.4 | 15.6 | -36 | f]
Created: Wed Nov 16 13:55:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dbnvw/so_excited_first_post/
---
Hi everyone! I've been lurking on this sub for a while and am loving all the positive vibes here; figured it was time to introduce myself haha. I've lost a lot of weight after I started a new medication that seriously suppresses my appetite, and I just wanted to share some small victories with you!

First, the other day I was talking to my (somewhat chubby) friend, and we started talking about our weight and I mentioned how I'm never happy with my own. Then she went on this small spiel about how tiny I am, and she described me as "delicate, like a ballerina - you have bird bones!" And I can't tell you how great that felt! I've noticed my collarbones/ribs/chest plate sticking out a lot more recently, but it felt SO GOOD to have someone else notice and comment on it. (I also have this sick competitive streak with weight loss, and it was especially good to hear coming from someone a little bigger.)

Then that got me thinking, I hadn't checked my BMI in a while so I decided to do that. And I was so excited here too! I'm nearing the "very high health risk" category, and the description beneath was talking about how I'm "likely malnourished" and how my immune system and organs' functioning could be compromised. This might be kind of weird, but I loved reading that. I love the idea of being so skinny, and so in control, that I could be seriously seriously sick. I WANT my organs to be failing because of how in control I am. I WANT to be so sick that I need to be hospitalized. I just love losing weight, it makes me feel so confident and powerful! And this just motivates me to keep losing. Anyone else feel this way?? Or am I totally weird and alone?

I'm sorry if this comes off like me bragging, because that's the last thing I want to do. I'm just over the moon excited and you all are the only people I could tell!

I can't wait to hear from some of you, thanks for reading! <3

---

[Discussion] I recently lost 35 pounds. Gained 10 back but holding steady because I didn't not eat one meal a day. I like to drink though. Any body out there starving themselves successfully while enjoying 1-3 drinks a day?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 16 13:15:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dbfco/i_recently_lost_35_pounds_gained_10_back_but/
---
[deleted]

---

[Goal] Waist progress
/u/sjdoubleyou [6'3" | 176 | 20.60 | M]
Created: Wed Nov 16 12:29:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5db5qy/waist_progress/
---
My belt used to fit at either the third or second to last notch depending on how bloated I am, now it's shifted to fitting on the second to last or last depending on how bloated I am. I'm excited about this.

I hate that I'm excited about that.

---

[Rant/Rave] Already stressing about Thanksgiving and family. Pls kill me.
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 107.8 | BMI:21 l GW 90| -36.2 l F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 12:22:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5db44i/already_stressing_about_thanksgiving_and_family/
---
So, I've been pescatarian for like, half a year now. And since I don't see my family often, not a lot of them really know. When I try to tell them I don't eat any meat except for fish, they flip the fuck out. My family is very midwestern, think steak n' potatoes with a measly side of veggies as a basic meal for them.

They are also Italian-American and they get **VERY** offended if I turn down food. They have pretty warped views about healthy serving sizes and veggie-to-protein ratios. Like, they think that for thanksgiving you should get gigantic slabs of turkey (the more the better!), as many carbs as you can stuff on your plate (mostly cheese-laden) and 2 dinner rolls as a starting point. And obviously that doesn't gel well with me.

I'm not looking forward to having the "No, I don't eat meat, no really, yes there are other forms of protein" talk, and I just know as soon as I say something, everything I eat that day is going to be under a microscope and that makes me REALLY uneasy. I don't want carbs. I don't want meat. **NO I DON'T WANT DESSERT.**

Worst of all, I'm sure someone's going to notice that I'm about 20 lbs lighter than the last time anyone saw me, and especially with the food fiasco that's going to happen, I just know I'm going to have everyone hounding me all night and I'm just NOT ready for it.


I feel like I need to fast the day before and after, just to save enough calories to not offend them. But I still don't know if I'm physically going to be able to force down enough food to make them happy and for me not to want to kill myself.


Fuck, I've never even *liked* meat, and if anyone would pay attention to what I do or don't like, they would know that.

---

[Help] Seaweed Snacks
/u/ResurrectionOfMarion
Created: Wed Nov 16 11:44:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dawl0/seaweed_snacks/
---
Does anybody in the UK know where to get the low calorie roasted/salted nori snacks? I can't find them anywhere, I had them before but I can't quite remember how!
So fat I have searched Morrison's, Sainsbury's, Asda, Lidl and Tesco with no luck. I would be grateful if anybody knows as I am craving them SO bad and don't want to pay to extortionate online prices. Thank you.

---

[Other] Sick
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 16 11:38:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dav4a/sick/
---
Fever: burns more cals

Shivering: burns more cals

Not eating

Throwing up what I did eat


I'm kinda happy. Wish it was just the flu instead of this shitty infection though.

---

[Rant/Rave] I overate and surprisingly lost weight
/u/avalonrose14
Created: Wed Nov 16 11:31:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5datqy/i_overate_and_surprisingly_lost_weight/
---
I'm on mobile so I can't flair sorry.

So to maintain my current weight (at the time it was 110 lbs) I should be eating 1,800 minimum a day.

I usually like to eat about 850. Lately I've consistently ate 1,400-1,700 for several days (about a week) and went up to 114 and then I went back to eating about 1,000 the last two days and I just weighed myself AFTER eating breakfast today (i usually weigh first thing in the morning before any food) and I was 107.4?

I'm really surprised and happy. I've always believed cheat days are good for me in order to lose weight since it gives me a metabolism boost but this is pretty insane.

---

[Discussion] my friends asked me for weight loss tips...
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | hw: 139 | cw: 114 | gw: 95 | 19F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 11:27:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dasoy/my_friends_asked_me_for_weight_loss_tips/
---
I'm currently in college, and some of my best friends from back home noticed my weight loss in some pics & asked me (over text) for advice. one of them is at a normal weight & the other is overweight. it just freaks me out because I told them I run a lot (which is true) & they asked me what I ate & I said "lots of meat & vegetables" (which is not particularly true). I just feel like such a shithead giving "weight loss advice" when I know damn well I'm not in a position to provide healthy advice. has this ever happened to anyone? :(

edit: forgot a "

---

[Rant/Rave] (Rave/Rant) grew a pair and asked a cute guy at work to meetup
/u/raspberryfleur [5'6 | 127 | 20.5 | -30 | Female]
Created: Wed Nov 16 10:43:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dajf2/raverant_grew_a_pair_and_asked_a_cute_guy_at_work/
---
Mobile no flair forgive me please


Last weekend, I was texting a friend of mine at work. We were both bored, so I asked him if he wanted to go and get coffee. We chatted and hung out, had a good time. We got fish and chips (after I totally convinced him to) and we chatted for ages! He had to go home shortly after though.

He texted me when I got home though! He felt bad because he was almost gonna pass out :( but we exchanged some words and it turns out we have mutual feelings for each other!! I almost cried. We were up texting until 2am and we've pretty much been inseparable ever since!

The best part is that he saw some pictures of me from my "fat" days. And he still thought I looked beautiful. Part of me almost can't believe it. As in "is he just saying this to be nice? Or is he genuine?"

We have another date this weekend. I'm trying to hard not to purge or restrict, but I really want to look good! :( so far I tried to eat normal or at least do IF. I've stuck to it so far...hoping I can trust myself to keep to it until Saturday.

Does anyone else find it hard to restrict when they're happy? It sounds so strange.

---

[Rant/Rave] I've never done this
/u/tattoosandcoffeee [5'4 | GW 108 | -12]
Created: Wed Nov 16 10:34:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dahi1/ive_never_done_this/
---
until now. Ive never been at such a high weight or low place mentally that I feel the need to avoid mirrors and avoid the scale. I've always been at a healthy weight until now. Ive always "primped" in the mirror, did my hair and makeup, take selfies.. to make myself feel better, boost my confidence a little. But now I cant allow myself to look. I subconsciously and consciously avoid the mirror now. I'm terrified to weigh myself.

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] What what?!! 30 days no chew and spit
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 10:11:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5dachw/rave_what_what_30_days_no_chew_and_spit/
---
It's been 30 days with no chew and spit. I honestly cannot believe it. I've struggled with this for 3 years, started after weight restoration but residual disordered thoughts. I fought so hard to stop this habit, I would stop but never for longer than a week but this time feels real. I don't even miss it. For months when pondering quitting I feared I would be losing a friend and be very distraught but instead I don't even really think about it much. I even stopped crossing off the days. It was only today when my app reminded me to log in that I realized as I checked off the last 10 days that it has been 30 days. It's laughable that the thing that finally broke the habit was the worst GI bug of all time. I'm very habitual so I guess I just needed a switch of habit and I would then cling to that new habit.

The new habit has become a somewhat pathological need to stay at work late Fridays. If I do that I know I won't want to drive in traffic to get my old usual chew and spit supplies. It's an approach I used to use when I fasted all week and broke the fast Friday night, I would spend as much time at work as possible and delay things. So far it's working and honestly it's nice to work when everyone else has gone home. The other thing that's helped is planning a complicated recipe for dinner so I'm occupied. It's honestly been nothing but positive, I get better sleep on the weekends, no more bloating and gas, no longer wasting money and time, no more stress about the calories I've consumed. I even pondered planning a thanksgiving chew and spit session and it had no appeal.

I've reached out here for support before about this so thought an update would be nice and it's not like I can share with anyone else. Damn ED is isolating, sort of bad for me as I like being alone.

---

[Discussion] Mobile, can't flair. Discussion about body temp?
/u/fastestnerdalive
Created: Wed Nov 16 09:58:00 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5da9ol/mobile_cant_flair_discussion_about_body_temp/
---
Does anyone else get really really hot if they fast for awhile or eat after fasting for a while?

---

[Other] I'm going to try to take a break from MFP.
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|105.2|19.15|F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 09:19:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5da1po/im_going_to_try_to_take_a_break_from_mfp/
---
I'm going to do a little experiment to see if what I'm correctly evaluating myself. When I was at my LW, I was eating so little that I wasn't even bothering to track it in MFP. Plus I had used the app for a while before I sort of faded out of using it, so I pretty much knew what a lot of the calories were for my regular food. I gained some weight in October so I started using MFP again over the last 3-4 weeks to hold myself accountable. I was more meticulous that I was in the past, adding water and exercise in. Before I would only input calories.

Well, I've been eating at maintenance pretty much the whole time I've been using MFP again. It's like something the calorie counter at the top is telling me that it's OK to keep eating. It's making me hate myself and have these weird inner battles. Like I'm sooo fixated on the calories I'm taking in that food is the only thing I'm thinking about. "What can I eat for dinner to stay under my calories...what about lunch..." I'm not even hungry but constantly opening the app to check calorie counts and log water and exercise force me to think about food way more than when I'm not using it.

"Don't think about elephants." Well dammit, now I can ONLY think about elephants!

So I'm going to try and go back to my "intuitive" habits that I had success with in the first 8-9 months of the year. Hopefully this takes some of the pressure off of myself and I can feel less of a compulsion to eat.

---

[Help] Mentally getting through a plateau
/u/antimeridian [mellon collie and the infinite fatness]
Created: Wed Nov 16 08:44:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d9uhf/mentally_getting_through_a_plateau/
---
I've been stuck at a plateau for three weeks. The scale isn't budging and I'm. Still. Fat. I'm trying for harm-reduction this time around, but my ED is getting really bad since I can't seem to break this plateau. I weigh and measure everything I eat, I'm not building muscle, and I'm not retaining water, so I'm about to go crazy. None of my old (pre-treatment) clothes fit, and I feel so fat that I don't want to be seen in public. It sucks. I'm really struggling. Advice? Commiseration?

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate the way my body feels
/u/EmpireStateBitch [5'4" | CW 120 | GW 115 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 08:36:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d9sst/i_hate_the_way_my_body_feels/
---
I just had to rant.

Usually I can get through the day by not looking at my body at all. But last night I was lying in bed in the dark and I just couldn't sleep. I just hate the way it felt to be in this body, I became really aware of the fat, of how my thighs feel when they touch and rub against each other, of how my boobs squish (I really fucking hate my boobs). I just fucking hate how it *feels* to have so much extra fat on my body. It's better now, but I was just seized by this awareness of how much I hate the visceral aspects of being in this stupid fat body.

---

[Discussion] What do you guys do?
/u/mermaid_puppy [5'11" | 137lb | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 08:31:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d9rvv/what_do_you_guys_do/
---
What do you do for a living? Im interested in what type of careers, college majors, or dreams for the future people here have. I'm entering the professional world next year. I have a job lined up at an accounting firm as soon as I pass my CPA! I guess I want to see what walks of life people here are from, because our group seems so diverse.


I'm also a little nervous to enter a high paying professional environment where everyone in the firm *seems* to have their shit together. Yet I'm the new employee, fresh out of school, still in my 20s, female, and hiding an eating disorder. Fake it till you make it, right?

---

[Rant/Rave] Worst day I've had in a long time yesterday, but there's an up side.
/u/gastastic [5'1 | 118.0 | 26F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 08:26:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d9qwl/worst_day_ive_had_in_a_long_time_yesterday_but/
---
Huge misunderstanding at work resulted in lots of crying at home and I'm still ruminating on all of this BS. Up side is... I've been stalled on weight loss for THREE WEEKS. Could hardly eat last night, plus I think I cried out 0.6lbs

I'm officially in the 110's! (119.6, but hey! ProgrAss is progrAss).

...I need a new j-o-b 😔

---

[Thinspo] Found new thinspo...
/u/-lotophagi- [5'6" | 127lbs | 20 | -8lbs | F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 07:56:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d9l3c/found_new_thinspo/
---
https://www.instagram.com/abigailmsummers/

---

[Discussion] Overeating when no one's around
/u/vellichor6
Created: Wed Nov 16 07:15:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d9dvg/overeating_when_no_ones_around/
---
It's my first time posting here but I need some advise. I've developed a disgusting habit and I can't seem to break it.
For the last 2+ weeks, I've started to wait until my in-laws are no longer downstairs to go into the kitchen and stuff my face. Logically, I know that my eating disorder and fear of certain foods has made me feel restricted even if I'm eating enough calories before I go binge. I feel so disgusting and ashamed. I went into the kitchen and saw they had bought snacks and I (in record time) ate 3 muesli biscuits before I forced myself to leave because they will see that I'd eaten so many.
I don't know how to get back on track and I'm so scared of gaining more weight. Please help :(

---

[Help] [help] transitioning to maintaining?
/u/k-w- [5'5 | CW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 06:58:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d9ayp/help_transitioning_to_maintaining/
---
I need to start maintaining soon, or at least lose weight slower, because my family is starting to worry about me and I'm so scared they'll make me go to a treatment center. I am terrified of gaining weight. Whenever I eat anything close to maintaining, I end up crying and purging it. I eat about 500 calories a day currently. Do you guys have any tips for transitioning to maintaining? I don't want to recover, I couldn't live with myself at a healthy weight.

---

By the way, no, I am not tempted by you. Thank you very much.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 16 06:43:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d98fz/by_the_way_no_i_am_not_tempted_by_you_thank_you/
---
http://imgur.com/pQnDfJl

---

[Rant/Rave] Physical
/u/xtinytoadx [5'4" | 78 | 13.65 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 06:29:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d969z/physical/
---
I have a mandated physical, and I'd rather die than go to the doctor. Fuck this fuck me. I'm so fucking terrified I want everything to be over. Even if I tried to gain weight, I don't think it'd be enough. I feel disgusting. Sorry I can't articulate my thoughts clearly. I don't know what to do.

---

[Discussion] Does being skinnier improve your self-esteem?
/u/planningfallacy_ [5'4.5'' | 110lb | 18.6 | -20lb | F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 05:26:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d8wx4/does_being_skinnier_improve_your_selfesteem/
---
I realized I have this vague anticipation in the back of my head about how much better I'll feel about myself once I become skinnier. My goal weight a few months ago is my current weight now. And I definitely think I look prettier now than I did, but if anything I'm just more self-critical.

Look, I know how stupid it sounds to admit that my body image has gotten worse despite my body getting skinnier, *and to still believe that I'll be happy with my body after losing just another ten pounds*.

But.. but- it's just too easy to rationalize. I could point out the un-elegant pudge in the mirror that cling to my hips, the slight-but-unseemly blob of a stomach. Burning away that fat would make me prettier. I've seen photos of bonespo I don't find aesthetically pleasing, so that implies there'll be a weight where I come to think of my body as ideal, right?

Has anyone in this community ever reached this point? Where they've realized they don't want to lose more weight, because they don't think it would make them happier? Or is this just Ana being a lying bitch?

---

[Rant/Rave] Freaking out - I can't even eat at a smaller deficit! (On mobile)
/u/skinnyhero [5' 4" | CW: 164.9 | 31.5% BF | -27.1 | NB/F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 05:19:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d8w2j/freaking_out_i_cant_even_eat_at_a_smaller_deficit/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/5a9c03b4f1554a399eb18620e6d252be?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=111b0e788a57b356b31e481f31cc5d19

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday November 16, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Nov 16 05:09:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d8umx/way_to_go_wednesday_november_16_2016/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for November 16, 2016.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 16, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Nov 16 05:08:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d8umg/daily_food_diary_november_16_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 16, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Help] How scared should I be of a heart attack?
/u/planningfallacy_ [5'4.5'' | 110lb | 18.6 | -20lb | F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 04:38:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d8qv8/how_scared_should_i_be_of_a_heart_attack/
---
Yesterday I broke my day and a half fast because I had a massive panic attack at work. That morning I took modafinil to stay alert during the day, which I used to do several times a month in the past, so I'm pretty used to its effects. However, recently I've also been prescribed Concerta, which is essentially extended-release Ritalin. So.. I didn't really think much about the combination.

Mistake.

While at work, my heart started feeling very odd. I'm not even sure how to describe it, except I felt a heightened awareness of my heartbeat. It seemed to beat perhaps a bit harder, a little quicker, and I suddenly felt faint. I wondered if my heart would give out. Lately I've been restricting a lot more, but my weight is currently hovering around 110 (barely underweight).

I researched the effects of combining modafinil and ritalin, but only found reports of people claiming it gave them a lot of anxiety. I couldn't find any sources that implied it was especially cardiotoxic, although I'm aware that stimulants are rough on your heart to begin with.

I can't figure out if it was an anxiety attack, or if my heart was under a ton of stress and was actually doing weird things. Please, if anyone knows any statistics about heart issues and anorexia (I am aware that having very little body fat puts strain on your heart, I don't know much more than that), or has information they think would be useful, educate me. <3

---

[Discussion] Does anybody else sometimes feel like they were made for this?
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 62.6 | GW: < 57 | 20.92/20.67 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 16 03:07:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d8gvu/does_anybody_else_sometimes_feel_like_they_were/
---
Sometimes I feel like this is (restricting/fasting) is my body's normal state. I don't get cold, even in winter. I don't get headaches when I restrict and I've never fainted. I feel more focused when I haven't been eating. Hell, even my skin looks better. The only issue I had was some trouble sleeping but I found that fasting during the day then eating a small meal before bed completely alleviates that.

It's getting to the point that eating almost feels like a chore, something I have to do, not something I want to do.

---

[Rant/Rave] "worried friend"
/u/jrste310 [5 ft | 106 lb | 21.34 | -21.5| Female]
Created: Wed Nov 16 02:21:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d8c0k/worried_friend/
---
"hey so all our friends have been talking shit about you cuz we are worried but everyone is scared to say something bc they dont wanna ruin your friendship (oh thats funny bc just stopping talking to me is soooooo much better). blah blah blah" he goes on for 45 min about how i need to hear this etc. but like fine i get it thanks for being worried but noone even asked me what was going on in my life. youre worried now? that I actually look good? and like fuck guys... woowwwwww sick thanks"

So ya basically all my "friends" arent even friends enough to talk to me, are clearly talking shit, i still hate myself, and this convo just made me fatter.

So then i ate halo top + two fiber one brownies.

---

[Rant/Rave] Drunk and I hate all of this so much
/u/iwanttoblowaway [5'9 | 126.1 | 18.29 | 21 M]
Created: Wed Nov 16 01:36:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d87f8/drunk_and_i_hate_all_of_this_so_much/
---
I hate beer. I really hate beer.

I actually love it but I don't drink it because I'm horrified of the calories. When I go out, I get vodka water because I can lie to myself and pretend it's low cal. But tonight, I had to drink a lot of beer.

As a guy, the pressure to not give a shit about my appearance is overwhelming. All of my guy friends drink beer all the time and generally don't take care of their bodies. No exercise. No healthy food. No restricting. Nothing.

Then they all tell me how jealous of my body they are. And they should be. I fucking kill myself to look this good. And spend a small fortune. So much money on hair products you wouldn't believe it. Oribé is so expensive.

Most of my friends are girls who also have borderline ED tendencies. If only I could hang out with the girls 24/7.

Anyways, tonight, I was hanging out with some guy friends and one of them grilled out so I felt like I had to eat a burger. Then someone pressured me to eat a second one so I did. Then these guys kept offering me beers telling me I needed to fatten up for the winter. I know they were joking but it fucking sucked. So I had a Miller light. And then another. And then a brownie when someone offered it. Then a second and third. And then 2 more Miller lights. And then some straight vodka when I got home. And them my roommate, my fucking roommate, handed me a pack of oatmeal cookies and said he didn't want them and that I could have them. So I ate some because I was drunk and felt like I had to. 600 calories worth of delicious packaged oatmeal cookies.

I hate myself so much. I don't do this. I don't drink beer and I don't fucking eat. Yesterday, I had one small meal. Today, I had a small lunch, then this shit happened. And on top of it all, I'm coming down with a cold and could barely run today, and I just know I won't be able to tomorrow. I'll have a full blown cold plus a hangover. I'm hammered right now because fuck me.

It just sucks. I feel like as a guy, if I turn down food or drinks people will get suspicious, because they have before. And they can't know any of this.

They can't know that I literally have dreams at night of being 113 pounds. They can't know that some days I have nothing but a salad for food.

They can't know that because of my day today, I probably won't eat tomorrow. And since I won't eat tomorrow, I'll probably have to cancel my date with this girl that I'm actually really into, for once. Because we were gonna go hiking and then get dinner but I can't get dinner because I've consumed more calories tonight than I wanted to for the entire week. And I can't go hiking because I might actually pass out from not eating all day. She'll probably Understand. I don't know what I'll tell her yet to get out of it but I've gotten really really good at lying.

This is absolutely fucking miserable and I just want to be a normal guy who can drink and eat and not feel guilty about it. I don't want to care about bmi and body fat and calories. I weight a good 10-15 pounds less than the next closest guy friend who is relatively my height. Even further less than most. And way less then most of them who are taller. Hell, I weight around what some of my girl friends weigh. But I do and this is my life now, apparently. And I hate being cold all the damn time. My hands feel like ice boxes every single day. And most days my entire body does. If it weren't for the calories, I'd be drunk every day of the week.

---

Been eating way to much and a bunch of junk. I just took to lax for tonight then tomorrow I'm throwing out all my cheese, tortillas, ice cream, cookie dough, etc.
/u/imcrap
Created: Wed Nov 16 01:31:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d86vj/been_eating_way_to_much_and_a_bunch_of_junk_i/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] General timeline of your eating disorder?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Nov 16 00:55:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d82y5/general_timeline_of_your_eating_disorder/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] What do you do when you have the sudden urge to eat literally all of the things?
/u/dirtydry
Created: Wed Nov 16 00:29:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d801z/what_do_you_do_when_you_have_the_sudden_urge_to/
---
This usually happens to me before bed, which seems to be common among users here? I've been lurkin'. Gathering information. Waiting for the right moment. First time poster xoxox

---

[Help] Did I overdo it? Do I need help (from a professional, I mean?)
/u/likeaphoenix90
Created: Wed Nov 16 00:22:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d7z73/did_i_overdo_it_do_i_need_help_from_a/
---
It's been about a year since I started restricting -- maybe a little longer; I've lost the exact count of the months. What I haven't lost track of is the pounds... I've lost over 100 with restriction alone.

My diet has been strange. It started out with purely cutting calories -- I still ate a lot of junk food, just cut down to 600 calories a day, which I know is weird. And then I started living off of a diet of cheese and grapes and tea/soda (I know :-/ ) and granola bars... I dunno, it was just easy... and then lately I kind of tried to do some more variety, with a lot of salad, a teeny bit of junk food when I lose self-control, fruit, and my absolute vice is still soda. Somehow, even with that, lately I eat between 220-425 cal a day these days.

My doctor says I'm malnourished and not only can I tell, but other people around me are starting to notice too. I am fainting a lot lately, and I am having trouble walking and seeing sometimes. Even when I'm not dizzy, people are telling me I look sick.

I mean, I know the obvious solution -- change my diet to be something more nutritious/eat more calories. But it's just not that easy for me. I am losing weight pretty rapidly, and it's just... such a fucking rush to get on that scale every morning and see a different number and to feel clothes that I just bought a couple weeks ago be too loose on my body. It's really the only thing that makes me feel good anymore.

I'm beginning to wonder if I've gone too far and I need to go inpatient (not with an eating disorder treatment place, they would NEVER accept me, but I have a really great psychiatrist who could get me into the local behavioral health hospital in a snap). I got asked in group therapy today what would make me concerned for my own health and stop this shit and I was like, "NOTHIIIING" because honestly, I don't think anything could make me at this point. I feel like, powerful. Is that stupid?

---

[Rant/Rave] The binging stops NOW!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 15 23:55:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d7vut/the_binging_stops_now/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Headed to inpatient soon. Ugh.
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 112.5 | HW 180 | LW 110 | 29 F]
Created: Tue Nov 15 23:53:04 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d7vkv/headed_to_inpatient_soon_ugh/
---
So, they want to admit me now, but for reasons I'll omit for privacy (too specific to me), I have to be admitted two weeks from now. Taking a break from med school and everything.


This is so stupid, but the primary thing I'm fixating on is the fact that the above omitted reasons mean I have to eat a lot in the next two weeks, and I'm going to be embarrassed when I show up at the EDU and am the fattest, most bloated anorectic there. I can't stop thinking about that fact all day. Especially when I'll already be the fattest in inpatient at a BMI of 17.3.


I really think inpatient is going to be counterproductive. I know they want to discharge me quickly (a few days) to the partial hospital program, but the authoritarianism and stupid rules of inpatient psych are the fastest ways to strengthen my resolve to do the opposite of whatever the staff wants me to do. It makes for a nonexistent working relationship; I fare TERRIBLY in an inpatient psych environment and feel as though it will make me worse. I'm pretty sure I'm going to want to kill myself as soon as I get in there even if I don't right now.


I don't know what it is about tonight, but I just feel like I've hit rock bottom with this fucking eating disorder right now. I guess it's fitting that I hit a new LW today (111).


I'm just so fucking sick of life. And so fucking sick of myself.


Thanks for letting me waste space here by ranting. I just feel extremely agitated right now.

---

This is where I belong, I think.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 15 23:49:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d7v5q/this_is_where_i_belong_i_think/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [Can't flair, mobile] Food Rant.
/u/fastestnerdalive
Created: Tue Nov 15 23:41:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d7u5e/cant_flair_mobile_food_rant/
---
Sometimes I get really sad about my situation. I love food, you know? I love all the different taste and textures, and I love that you can tell so much about someone just by what they eat. I love being healthy. I love exercise and veggies.

But then again, food scares me so much. There are so many unnecessary calories in the world like bread and meats and just bleh.

I just want never want to see food again but I also want all the food and I hate myself for it.

---

I FIT INTO MY LITTLE SISTERS OVER-SIZED SWEATER AND LIFE ISNT REAL
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 15 23:06:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d7pf5/i_fit_into_my_little_sisters_oversized_sweater/
---
My sister is actually tiny. She's eleven years old, 4'9, and 65 lbs. It might be a little tight, but it fits. What is this planet? It's not particularly large on her, just pretty loose.

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Quest Bar mono?
/u/cuts-and-cats [5'2 | 115 GW: 95 | 21 | -25 lbs |F]
Created: Tue Nov 15 21:47:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d7eai/quest_bar_mono/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Social media is the true ED motivator.
/u/HumanStain49 [30/F/FAT]
Created: Tue Nov 15 20:44:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d74g4/social_media_is_the_true_ed_motivator/
---
I look through Instagram, facebook etc and in the pictures people are smiling and happy because it never occurred to them twice to have a picture taken of them. I'm at the point of where some one says the words "camera" or "picture" I get that wave of anxiety. I can't even get a haircut anymore because I can't look at myself in the mirror. I miss the days where I could take a selfie. I'm disgusting. I can't even wash my hands in a bathroom without squinting my eyes in the chance that I see myself in the mirror.

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel like shit cause I binged again
/u/iwantmypinkshirtback [5'7 | CW:138 | BMI: 21.6 | GW:120 | Female]
Created: Tue Nov 15 20:06:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d6y5r/i_feel_like_shit_cause_i_binged_again/
---
Wooh me, I've only done this every day for the last 2 weeks now... Christ what is wrong with me? I've lost over 100 pounds over the last few years and I swear it's like the progress means nothing anymore.

I don't want to eat so much but when I'm around food I feel like a freaking zombie and my mind focuses on nothing but food. Why can't I just eat normally or nothing at all? I felt so much better when I was restricting. I just hate getting over that hump of binging. Especially when you're around food all day. Fuck I've even been eating the food at the house I nanny for. It's like I have 0 self control anymore. Sorry for ranting. Just needed a little reminder to myself.

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[Rant/Rave] I fit into my christmas dress. So I binge.
/u/scandinaviandreams [6'0" | 131 | 17.93 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 15 20:05:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d6xym/i_fit_into_my_christmas_dress_so_i_binge/
---
Logic, where did you go?! No please, come back!


I wish I could understand how my brain thinks its logical to binge on 1000kcal worth of chocolate and bread after successfully fitting into a size 2 dress.

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[Goal] Just joined a gym!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 15 19:28:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d6rdb/just_joined_a_gym/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] How could support a young child without traumatizing her regarding weight?
/u/isolatedfugue
Created: Tue Nov 15 18:52:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d6l8m/how_could_support_a_young_child_without/
---
Reading the thread on how adults can drastically affect a young child's self-image and eating disorders, it got me thinking about my daughter and how some people have said she's bigger than other kids her age. I want to help her, and support her, but I also naturally just don't eat, so I don't know anything about nutrition and can't model reasonable eating for her.

I feel like I'm being punished if I try to eat. I don't want food near me and I don't like to think about it, but my daughter is on, what I thought was, a normal diet yet my family has said she's pudgy.

How can I help her be her best and be a healthy weight?

Also, we've weighed her and it seems that, by numbers, she's on the higher end of normal, but to me, she honestly doesn't seem to have a problem.

Edit: Thank you all for your good advice. I feel a little better equipped to help her navigate her childhood without focusing on diet.

---

[Tip] Fun drinking game for the holidays!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 15 17:44:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d69hk/fun_drinking_game_for_the_holidays/
---
[removed]

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Soylent
/u/kursedsun
Created: Tue Nov 15 17:08:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d62lv/soylent/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Has anyone heard of Enlightened Ice Cream?
/u/newportshorty [5'9 | CW:180 | -40]
Created: Tue Nov 15 15:26:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d5iw5/has_anyone_heard_of_enlightened_ice_cream/
---
It's basically Halo Top with a little bit more calories. I found it today at my local GNC when I was getting some Quest Bars. Has anyone heard of this at all? How are Halo Top and Arctic Zero so hyped but I have never once heard of this brand? It's so good! The slightly higher calories (sea salt caramel of HT has 280 a pint, Enlightened has 320) suck, but it's a whole dollar cheaper than Halo Top and tastes a bit better in my opinion. It also has more protein and fiber than Halo Top.

---

[Discussion] Dose anyone else think their ED could be genetic?
/u/Kimstephaniejane [5'5" | CW: 120 | GW: 106 | BMI: ? |F]
Created: Tue Nov 15 15:16:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d5gyv/dose_anyone_else_think_their_ed_could_be_genetic/
---
I've never lived with my dad, and merely see him twice a week for 4 hours for the past 16 years, yet we seem to share the same 'unusual' approach to food.

My mum always remembers him having no food in the house and only buying it when he needed it. And, he himself, admits to 'forgetting' to eat, and going long periods of time without food only to binge on crap. He seems to only eat at night too... but i wouldnt know much about that.

For a long time, i didn't think much of it, but one day it all hit home:

He had just picked me up to get my hair done. I had been fasting all day (at least... i can't remember) when he told me that we'd have no time to grab something to eat. I didn't mind too much, i was fasting anyway and this would help me stay on track. As we get to the hairdressers however, he suggests that we get a snack from the corner store as we did, in fact, have a few minutes to spare..
'Snack' is a dangerous word.
So, ultimately, we went on a free-for-all of crisps and chocolate and sat in the car and ate like it was our last meal. Just scoffing crap as fast as possible. Together. Hiding in a car. As if it wasn't the most unhealthy thing in the world.

At that moment, i knew where the root of my issues came from, he was sat right beside me.

This makes me believe, more than ever, that this isn't an illness and more of a genetic trait I've somehow inherited. I dont know how or why, but the evidence is there.

Does anyone have any similar experiences?
Xxx

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[Rant/Rave] boyfriend saves my life in all kinds of weird ways
/u/colour-of-sky
Created: Tue Nov 15 14:55:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d5cnh/boyfriend_saves_my_life_in_all_kinds_of_weird_ways/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] What was your "I'm completely out of touch" moment?
/u/charredsouls
Created: Tue Nov 15 14:20:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d55bx/what_was_your_im_completely_out_of_touch_moment/
---
When I say "out of touch," I mean in the sense that your eating habits are completely abnormal to the average person.

I'm meeting up with my friend tomorrow to go to a museum and I was texting them to figure out our plans. They told me they think we're going to need a "big" breakfast to get us through the museum and then also go to dinner right after. I've always known that it's bizarre to most people to skip breakfast, but I was taken aback by the amount of food they were suggesting we eat, like it was completely normal! I was hoping we were just going to stop by Starbucks and get a coffee or something beforehand, but now lots of greasy food is going to be shoved in my face :( The worst part is that if I refuse, they take it as an insult to them.

What was your "out of touch" moment?

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[Help] How to add self description? Sorry I'm new.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 15 12:59:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d4o87/how_to_add_self_description_sorry_im_new/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] When the snapchat filter version of you motivates you...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 15 12:30:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d4i35/when_the_snapchat_filter_version_of_you_motivates/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I'm the heaviest I've been in so long
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 15 12:04:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d4c65/im_the_heaviest_ive_been_in_so_long/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] MFP Friends?
/u/imperfectcontrol [5'6" | CW: 115 | 18.56 | CGW: 100 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 15 11:53:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d49x8/mfp_friends/
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Anyone log their daily intake in my fitness pal and want to be friends? Add me, imperfectcontrol!

on mobile can't flair sorry

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[Help] Help me lose 45lbs(:
/u/nightprowla
Created: Tue Nov 15 11:24:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d43cq/help_me_lose_45lbs/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] ABC diet success!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 15 11:19:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d42b0/abc_diet_success/
---
[removed]

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[Help] MFP replacement
/u/Alkylhalides [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Tue Nov 15 11:18:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d424g/mfp_replacement/
---
Does anyone know a better app than my fitness pal? I know they've started suspending account if they think you have an ED/are supporting EDs. Also I doubt it'd let me make my caloric goal something in the low hundreds. Is there a better app to use?

Update: Started using loseit and I love it so far! Especially the "adjustment" thing for calories so I can change the goal easily! And you can make the account entirely private so no one can see it!

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[Discussion] Childhood remarks thread
/u/MymlanOhlin
Created: Tue Nov 15 10:55:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d3x3w/childhood_remarks_thread/
---
I have always wondered about the correlation between my childhood traumas and mental health issues, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. My grandmother was an alcoholic and her favorite thing to do when she was drunk was speaking her mind about my body. Thus, I have some remarks that I remember that really stuck with me and may or may not have contributed to me getting an eating disorder at age 9.

Could we fill this thread with the eating disorder related little things we remember from childhood, to show support and bond over our screwed up experiences?

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[Rant/Rave] Just another [rant] about a plateau.
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 107.8 | BMI:21 l GW 90| -36.2 l F]
Created: Tue Nov 15 10:43:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d3uf2/just_another_rant_about_a_plateau/
---
I have been stuck in 122-120 limbo for a little over a week now and I'm about to go insane. I KNOW I have to be losing, because I've only been averaging around 600 calories a day. I gotta trust my deficit but man is it freaking hard to get on the scale every morning and not see it budge. I was dropping weight like clockwork for about a month. Either a .4 loss or a .2 loss daily.

And now this. I guess I must be holding onto waste and water but even chugging a gallon of water and taking miralax daily isn't helping. I NEED to be 118 by Thanksgiving in a little over a week or I'll hate myself. This is not going according to plan and it's frustrating the hell out of me. I just needed to vent a little because I can't complain to anyone in real life, you know?

Anyways, maybe I'll drop like 2 lbs after I finally have a good BM again.

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[Rant/Rave] Tried to purge, couldn't. I'm a fucking failure
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 112.2 18.18 | 22F]
Created: Tue Nov 15 10:17:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d3oz6/tried_to_purge_couldnt_im_a_fucking_failure/
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This happened a while ago, but it keeps bugging me in the back of my mind and I just have to rant about it and move on.

My bf's company had this celebration thing at a brewery and paid for all of our food and drinks and I'm poor + a cheapskate, so free food has always been a struggle because I want to take advantage of that. I tried to keep intake to a minimum and skipped breakfast beforehand and got a yummy salad and made sure not to eat more than a bite of the dessert and a bit of the appetizers and then felt like crap and left early instead of going bar hopping with the others because how the hell do you have room for more beer after that? And then once I got back home, I just wanted all of the heaviness out of my stomach and I tried to purge, but literally couldn't. I tried for like a half an hour.

So I ended up miserable with a sore throat from poking it with a toothbrush over and over and feeling disgusting and a failure at eating and not eating and fixing eating. And skipped dinner and watched a horror flick alone and did leg lifts and squats while watching the movie and still, even thinking about that day makes me feel like a fat failure.

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[Rant/Rave] my biggest problem...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 15 10:17:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d3oy5/my_biggest_problem/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Any suggestions for a biotin supplement?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 15 08:41:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d3508/any_suggestions_for_a_biotin_supplement/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] (repost) thinspo/model pics reminder: angles are important! (x-post r/pics)
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | hw: 139 | cw: 114 | gw: 95 | 19F]
Created: Tue Nov 15 08:36:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d341e/repost_thinspomodel_pics_reminder_angles_are/
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https://np.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/5cworr/same_girl_different_angles_credit_foodie_girl/

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[Rant/Rave] I'm an inch taller than I thought I was
/u/cinamintoast [5'7" | 171 | 26.69 | -99lb | F]
Created: Tue Nov 15 08:26:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d3289/im_an_inch_taller_than_i_thought_i_was/
---
I went to the doctor today and found out I'm taller than I thought I was. They measured 2 inches taller but I had shoes on so I'm about an inch taller. I don't know how I feel about it. On one hand, my newly calculated BMI is now in the "overweight" category instead of the "obese" category, which is cool (my next goal was to get out of obese territory). But now I'm going to have to redo all of my weight goals based on my new height and it's giving me so much anxiety.

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[Rant/Rave] I had a cookie for breakfast.
/u/fancycunts
Created: Tue Nov 15 07:49:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d2v6g/i_had_a_cookie_for_breakfast/
---
Starting the day off on a binge already. That is all.

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[Goal] [goal] on mobile can't flair, but this is my biggest motivation right now
/u/erythridoll
Created: Tue Nov 15 06:14:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d2fbo/goal_on_mobile_cant_flair_but_this_is_my_biggest/
---
I'm married and my husband and I want to have kids within the next few years (neither of us are in a rush but we don't want to wait around forever).

I dread the thought of still being fat when I'm pregnant. I don't want to have to tell people, I want to be so thin and fit that they KNOW that's not what my belly looks like. If I got pregnant right now people would just think I was getting fatter. MAYBE by third trimester they'd realize something was up. I love looking at pictures of thin pregnant women. I love imagining wearing a maxi dress with a distinguishable baby bump and my husband resting his hands on it in public and strangers being happy for us. I don't want to look like an even fatter gross slob. So when I'm losing motivation or heading towards a binge, instead of looking at flat tummies I look at thin women with big healthy pregnant bellies haha. Might sound weird but it works for me :)

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[Discussion] What do you think about Soylent?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 15 05:15:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d26sm/what_do_you_think_about_soylent/
---
[deleted]

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A November 15, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Nov 15 05:09:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d262w/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_november_15_2016/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 15, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Nov 15 05:09:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d2629/daily_food_diary_november_15_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 15, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Help] Weird metabolism?
/u/Pitaia [1.70cm | CW: aaaHHAHA | BMI: ? |GW: S M A L L]
Created: Tue Nov 15 04:32:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d21oh/weird_metabolism/
---
I've been binging nonstop for the last month and a half and managed the incredible feat of gaining 22 pounds. I read about everyone's progress and this number seems alarming to me. However, I've lost the same amount in the same amount of time. I saw a doctor and there's nothing unusual about my thyroid, but haven't done blood tests in a while, so I'm wondering if I should see another one. The one I just saw wasn't very concerned because I'm at a healthy weight. This weight gain is crushing me. Does anybody else have experience with very quick weight gain/loss? Do you guys have any advice? Is it normal?

---

[Rant/Rave] Guilty...
/u/lilahclover
Created: Tue Nov 15 04:20:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d20cq/guilty/
---
Feeling guilty. I wanted (needed to) fast for 48 hours. I made it to 32 hours. I wasn't even feeling hungry. But there was leftovers for dinner and I ate 3 sausages. Feel I'll now and so angry at my self. I did go to bootcamp this arvo. I hate wasting food honestly and threw out my dinner last night... and I was 1 kg up this morning (2.5pounds) I can't understand why this keeps happening to me I hate feeling like a heifer.

---

[Rant/Rave] When other people eat your food..
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Nov 15 03:33:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d1v2w/when_other_people_eat_your_food/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] im sick AF
/u/jrste310 [5 ft | 106 lb | 21.34 | -21.5| Female]
Created: Tue Nov 15 00:04:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d18re/im_sick_af/
---
went to the dr and 14.5% body fat. eat normally (protein shake, bar, peanut butter and poke (no sauce just kale and fish)-- my safe foods. then i want ice cream. I c/s ice cream bc it makes me feel so sick. but then im mad and go get more ice cream. and eat it. and now i feel so sick and why the fuck would i let the number think thats okay, when the mirror is ribs and jiggles fking gross

---

[Rant/Rave] Just need to rant to people who might understand
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 14 23:48:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d16s9/just_need_to_rant_to_people_who_might_understand/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm so fucking petty
/u/flyleafet9
Created: Mon Nov 14 23:15:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d12kj/im_so_fucking_petty/
---
I hate admitting this, but telling anyone I know would be crazy, because this is anything but rational.

I have been helping my sister and her wife plan their wedding for the past several months. I was asked to be a bridesmaid, and now I can't fight the desire to be the thinnest one. I have never met my sister-in-law's siblings, but apparently one of them is stick thin. I have to be smaller than her. If I'm not, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

God, I'm fucking terrible.
Just a stupid rant because this is supposed to their wedding day is supposed to be about family and love but I can't stop worrying over a fucking dress size.

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] I binge more when I try harder to lose weight.
/u/idkjust [5'9" | -16 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 22:58:03 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d1080/rantrave_i_binge_more_when_i_try_harder_to_lose/
---
On days where I am more carefree about my weight, I could forget that I should be watching what I'm eating and end up not eating a small/normal amount of food.

However, on rougher days where I'm obsessing over how I look, I'm thinking so much about food that I end up binging the entire time. I don't know how to reverse this because you can't just *not think* about something.

---

[Other] I love you
/u/chimichanga_mischief [5"4 | 155 | 27.1 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 22:41:37 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d0y1d/i_love_you/
---
I know there are a bunch of posts like this already.
But I'm drunk and it's my birthday and I'm feeling a lot of things right now.


I'm so glad that there is this community that supports everyone's goals and achievements. Especially in things that I can't share anyone else.


I just wanted to tell you all that I really appreciate each and every one of you. YOU, the person reading this right now. Know that I appreciate you and genuinely care about how you're doing.


Personally, whenever I'm in a spiral of ED/depression/anxiety I feel so isolated because I don't want to bother anyone with my problems. I feel like it'll be too much for them to deal with, or they just won't care. But if you're reading this, I want to tell you that if you ever are in that kind of situation, that you can message me whenever you'd like. I care about you. I want to hear from you. I want to be there for you because this sub has been there for me countless times. Even if you think whatever you're saying is stupid or incoherent I promise that I still want you to message me. I never want any of you wonderful people to feel alone.


Ok that is all. Goodnight lovelies <3

---

[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend's been dropping hints... today he was more direct :(
/u/FGWDQHQ [5'7" | 124.4lbs | 19.42 | -43lbs| F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 21:41:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d0paf/boyfriends_been_dropping_hints_today_he_was_more/
---
A couple weeks ago he let it slide in that I could gain some weight. Today he pressed me to eat breakfast. Then he said, and it haunted me all day, "I'm worried you are in danger of joining the community of under-eaters."

:( I just didn't know what to say. I'm been participating in these literal communities for years longer than I've even known him. I was super upfront with him at the beginning that I'd had problems with disordered eating in the past... but it is really a part of my life that I try very hard to completely shut him out of.

Which is not fair either. He is actually the best, very kind, very thoughtful, very careful. for me to know that I shut him out like that is cognitive dissonance at best, malicious at worst.

But I can't just, like, stop. And it isn't new, and it isn't changing at all.So why bring it up? Like I know he must have agonized for a long time over what to say, how to say it, when, and all that. I wish he didn't worry. I'm still fat :S

---

[Rant/Rave] Struggling.
/u/fancycunts
Created: Mon Nov 14 20:30:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d0eb8/struggling/
---
I can't stop binging! Ugh. So frustrated.

I started smoking cigarettes again in secret. Reasons too stupid to explain. I just don't want my boyfriend to find out and I want to quit but then I find myself still buying more. You know how it goes.

Anyway, you know how when you quit smoking you want to eat fucking everything all the time? Well this stupid on/off smoking crap is keeping me in limbo of still smoking which is bad, and still being secretive which is bad, and still eating everything which is bad. I know I need to stop this crap but then there's this--- *i don't want to* thought because I'm an addict and I'm just MAD at myself because I know better.

Sorry for the run-on. I just.. ugh! So annoyed. Probably because I haven't had a cigarette recently. Haha, the irony. Fuck me. Lol.

---

[Intro] i always start fasting again when i am single
/u/throwawayshp [5'6.5 | 112 | 17.81 | GW: 100 | non-binary]
Created: Mon Nov 14 20:29:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d0e14/i_always_start_fasting_again_when_i_am_single/
---
just recently broke up with a boyfriend and back to fasting, it feels so good to finally feel free from another person's gaze at my eating habits.! just wanted to make a first post about something! i am fairly happy and feeling better since i've been fasting - i forgot about how good it felt! hope to talk to some of you here :)

---

looking for a kik buddy?
/u/throwawayshp [5'6.5 | 112 | 17.81 | GW: 100 | non-binary]
Created: Mon Nov 14 20:16:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d0bv7/looking_for_a_kik_buddy/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Unsure about excessive exercise
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 14 20:08:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d0aha/unsure_about_excessive_exercise/
---
So I've been running quite a bit lately but I've just finished a major binge. And I mean major I haven't binged like this in a while and now I feel icky because I can't purge so I'm just planning on fasting tomorrow. I was planning on running it off but I find that when I exercise it just makes me hungrier. I don't know what to do...I don't want to completely stop going to the gym but I don't know how to be ok with going less...I guess this is more of a rant than anything else

---

[Rant/Rave] Did he try to trick me into eating? Awkward.
/u/19thcentlord
Created: Mon Nov 14 19:29:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d03kj/did_he_try_to_trick_me_into_eating_awkward/
---
So I'm staying over with my new guy every Sunday night now. Last night, he gets off work so I head over. When I get there, he says he already ate and I say I have as well. (I had been doing well all day with a fast).

He then proceeded to get some food from the fridge that he made earlier in the week. He opens the Tupperware and puts it into the microwave, saying "I just want the house to smell like good food." I'm standing there so confused. He made it clear he wasn't going to have any at all, and I made it clear I wasn't hungry...

I don't eat any and we start getting ready for bed later. After we are in bed he asks me to either go have some food or put it away either way. I tell him I'll have some and he looks so pleased with himself and says "good, take your time." Then I go in the kitchen and throw a little away and put up the rest.

Why?? Why would he do this? I like him a lot but he's going to catch me on a day when I'm not feeling enough willpower to throw food out. Ugh...

---

[Discussion] How is your day going?
/u/pcrnography [5'6" | -77 lbs | nb]
Created: Mon Nov 14 19:12:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5d00io/how_is_your_day_going/
---
Mine has been so... weird. I don't know. I don't know how I feel today. I've eaten about 236 calories today, mostly in powdered peanut butter, and I'm sitting in a parking lot chain smoking while listening to an awful song on repeat. I don't ever smoke but I found a pack in my brother's room, and he won't be back home for a few weeks so he won't notice I took it. All I want right now is a HUGE bowl of fruit, just pineapple and strawberry and watermelon, but instead I'm about 30 minutes from home sitting in a Wendy's parking lot. Not even in a car, lol. I don't really want to go home. It's about 6 pm here but it's not too cold so I think I'm just going to walk around. I don't know.

ANYWAY tell me about your day! The good, the bad, and the ugly. Did you do anything fun? Hear a new song? Eat something good? Not eat at all? Learn a new skill?? Tell me about how you're feeling right now

---

[Discussion] Restricting for a presentation
/u/foodfornot [5'3" | 120lbs | BMI 21.3 | -20 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 16:34:38 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cz818/restricting_for_a_presentation/
---
I was stuck in a binge cycle from October 8 (thanks MFP). I kept trying to break it but even bronkaid couldn't stop me from losing control at night. I managed to gain 3 pounds in 1 month (123) but even that couldn't break the cycle.... then I found out I have to give a presentation.

That did the trick! I'm in grad school and I HATE presenting my work bc it's basically an opportunity for a bunch of bitchy academics to criticize as a means of making themselves look good. Supposed to be constructive but in my department it's usually a roast. I keep thinking of how not-great-looking most of the people are and the thought being super skinny and wearing tight clothes at my presentation feels like a shield: "criticize me all you want but look how fit I am!" Anyway, just wanted to share and see if anyone else does anything similar. (I realize this reads as sort of anti-fat so down-vote away!)

---

[Rant/Rave] Now that I'm with my boyfriend, I feel more pressured than ever
/u/dongledongs [5'6" | 135 lbs | -16 | GW 115 | 22.11 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 16:33:59 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cz7wj/now_that_im_with_my_boyfriend_i_feel_more/
---
I started going out with my boyfriend this week. He's so sweet and wonderful and likes me as much as I like him. But he's soooo tiny and I feel like the hulk next to him, especially because he's only a couple inches taller than me. His arms are so slender and mine are pale and huge and blobby. He always plays as pretty skinny girls in video games too with tiny shoulders and long skinny legs.


And the thing is logically I KNOW I shouldn't worry and that he's dating me because he likes me, but what if after all of the shiny new feelings wear off he finally sees me how I see me? He'll probably like me even better if I'm smaller.


I skipped class today, none of my friends are available to talk or hang out, and I feel so anxious, like I'm going to explode. I feel like I'm constantly holding my breath. Sorry, I just had to tell someone somewhere. I hope everybody else's week is going better!

---

[Help] Anyone want to be MFP buddies?
/u/SgtSarah [5'1 | 93 | 18.4 | -21| F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 16:17:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cz4n0/anyone_want_to_be_mfp_buddies/
---
I ALWAYS forget to update that site. It sure would help to have some pals to check in with. Does anyone else use My Fitness Pal and want to add a new friend? Maybe not someone trying to gain though, no offense.

I'm HomestuckHeartbreaker (thanks, younger me! What a great username to be saddled with for the rest of eternity)

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm torn
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [🐷 5'2 | NB-dfab | CW: 163.6lb | 29.9/31.0 | UGW: 90lb | -26.4lb]
Created: Mon Nov 14 14:51:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cynq5/im_torn/
---
Half of me wants to recover and be happy. The other half says screw it, you're miserable anyway. Might as well be skinny. And if it kills you, so what?

Sometimes every few weeks I flip flop my behaviors between healthy and, well, not healthy. This last week I ate about 1200 consistently. And I hated myself every step of the way. For a few weeks before that I was restricting and fasting and I hated how I felt.

I wish it wasn't like this. I wish I could be happy losing weight at a reasonable pace. I also wish I could fast without thinking about the consequences and just get skinny.

I think this is normal (as normal as we can be), but still. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm faking my ED. Sometimes it feels like I could just recover if I just tried. I just don't know.

---

[Rant/Rave] I give up
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 14 14:30:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cyjea/i_give_up/
---
I'm gonna walk the lonely road, with my eating disorder.



Bye boyfriend
Bye friends
Bye parents



It's the only thing that will stay.

---

[Rant/Rave] TIFU by losing 10 lbs in a month and making my doctor believe I have a tapeworm or something.
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 107.8 | BMI:21 l GW 90| -36.2 l F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 14:19:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cyh7w/tifu_by_losing_10_lbs_in_a_month_and_making_my/
---
**TMI ALERT:** Oh man guys I fucked up. I've been having some ~issues~ with my bowels for a few months. First it was not pooing enough. Then I couldn't stop peeing out of my butt for like a month, and had an... accident. So I went back to the dr's office. I've also been relapsing for a little more than a month and eating is hard man, so I've been restricting pretty heavily and steadily losing weight.

Well. Since I'm short I guess losing 10 lbs in 5 weeks is enough to alarm my doctor, so she made me send a stool sample in to the hospital because she's *positive* I must have parasites or otherwise pooping out my weight. And that's the story of how the other morning I had to poo in a cup and drop off my dignity at the lab. Fabulous!

TLDR; forgot weigh-ins were a thing, should've worn ankle weights. Now my doctor thinks I'm host to a family of worms.

---

[Discussion] thinspo/model pics reminder: angles are important! (x-post r/pics)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 14 13:59:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cyd4d/thinspomodel_pics_reminder_angles_are_important/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/5cworr/same_girl_different_angles_credit_foodie_girl/

---

[Thinspo] ~realistic personal goals~ thinspo series in 4 parts (more in comments)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 14 13:45:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cya18/realistic_personal_goals_thinspo_series_in_4/
---
http://imgur.com/a/pYtsd

---

[Rant/Rave] I do not feel important
/u/ketogirl98
Created: Mon Nov 14 13:20:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cy4wl/i_do_not_feel_important/
---
Hi there,

found this subreddit today, and I feel like getting some things off my chest. I'm sorry if my english is a bit off, I'm not a native speaker.

It has only recently come to me that I might have disordered eating. I went on a very strict diet this summer to get into a lower weight class for a competition. It went very well, I made the weight class and did a great competition. I loved the way my body looked, and I got afraid of eating. I tried to hold back, and then I'd binge. Fasted and skipped meals to make up for it, but it always ended with another binge.

I talked to my psychiatrist a month ago or so, and I explained to her my relationship to food. How it is not about how everybody else sees my body, but how I see it. How I do not want to look myself in the mirror from day to day. How I skip spending time with friends and family because they will be eating carbs, and I do not want to eat carbs. How I am ashamed of no longer being in control. I am always in control.

Went to see the doctor at my school during my diet, because I had lost my period. She got really worried because she could see my clavicles, and was worried I had gotten a eating disorder. I got angry and sad, how could she put a label on me like that?

My psychiatrist sent me to the clinic for eating disorders, and I've been there once since then. I got my next appointment later this week.

Today has been really rough. I've been feeling sorry for myself. I cried in my boyfriends arm yesterday because I keep gaining weight. I'm 3,5 kg above my weight class, and I have a competition this weekend. I'm stuck between the feeling that my problem is so small, it's nothing compared to other people in worse situations, and the feeling that I need help. That I don't want to feel like a failure everytime I eat something.

I am currently not eating carbs, or diary. I have to bring my own food to school because I do not dare to eat what they are serving us. I've tried buying supplements that are supposed to make the water that is retained in your body go away, to make my weight less for my competition.

It just feels like I am making this into too big of a deal. Like this is nothing, and I am just trying to get attention. My parents are not supportive at all, they are just drawing parallells to their lives, making my problems seem non-existing.

I just want to be able to enjoy food with my family again. Being proud of showing myself naked for my boyfriend. Not fearing competing in weightlifting just because I have to step on a scale.

I don't really know what I want to get out of writing this. A part of me just wants to let everything out. Some things I just don't dare to tell anyone else, as they would not understand, or think I am making these feelings and thoughts up.

Much love

---

[Rant/Rave] just struggling right now
/u/pungentthrowaway [5'1" | CW: 154 | -13 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 12:55:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cxzmc/just_struggling_right_now/
---
I've been binging almost daily for a week now. I can physically feel that I've gained weight. My stomach is huge again. The fat around my jaw that makes me look like a blob looks puffier than ever. I don't know what to do. I feel like every day I spend all day exercising my willpower and resisting food and even if I fast for 23 hours it's like a switch goes off at night. It feels like I work hard "restricting" almost all of the time and it just takes a moment of weakness for me to undo it. Every night. I'm exhausted from feeling like I'm putting effort into restricting and still gaining weight because there is at least a half hour window every day that I just give in. I don't know what to do. Caffeine, bronkaid, my dr. prescribed stimulant - none of them are curbing my appetite. Or they do, but then I *have* to let them wear off enough to be able to get some sleep, and then there we go, pandora's box is open. Watch me put away 2000 calories before I even have time to remind myself that it's a bad idea.

I'm just ranting. I'm so tired of being hungry and out of control and fat.

---

[Rant/Rave] Quitting Binge Drinking
/u/Alkylhalides [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Mon Nov 14 12:53:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cxz45/quitting_binge_drinking/
---
I've always drank a lot whenever I go to parties (I'm in a sorority so that's at least 1-2x a week) and recently relasped, which has only made drinking worse because now I'm drinking on an empty stomach.

Last Thursday I was sick and taking strong antibiotics, running on 50 hrs of no sleep, and hadn't eaten all day. I drank LOTS and ended up a crazy, puking mess. My friend literally stuck her fingers down my throat to make me puke so I'd get better faster (bad drunk logic). I was happy, because I realized I puked up all the alcohol and food I had eaten. Then I started hearing the stories of all the horrible shit I did.

There's been lots of nights like this where I've blacked out/puked/basically died and I thought I was doing better (I was!) until last week. It's the final straw that's made me entirely turned off to alcohol. I went out to a couple concerts this past weekend and didn't drink so it is possible to have fun without it I'm just still pissed at myself for being such a fat, dumb, drunk bitch.

Long story short, I'm done drinking. I'm even happy about it because those are always soooo many calories that I just didn't need/want. Hoping this step will help me reach my UGW even faster.

---

[Rant/Rave] I had a little bit of pasta last night and I went up.
/u/AmberMoonstone [5' 5.5'' | 128.4 | 21]
Created: Mon Nov 14 12:20:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cxs3w/i_had_a_little_bit_of_pasta_last_night_and_i_went/
---
I was feeling really exhausted and we were having pasta and meatballs for dinner. I had been doing house work all day, and I felt tired as a dog. I decided a little bit of pasta plus what I had eaten already that day wouldn't be bad. Stepped on the scale this morning and I went up a pound.

I haven't *u-hum*... taken a dump yet, so I hope the weight is just from actual digested food.

But damn if it isn't demoralizing. If I didn't have it, I would have been 127 this morning.

*sadface*

---

[Discussion] Any former weight lifters?
/u/ooo5936 [5'6" | 128lbs | 20.47 | GW: <114 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 12:04:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cxoub/any_former_weight_lifters/
---
In high school and college I was in a weight lifting course to help with strength and conditioning... I was never like big/bulky looking, but I guess I was just "toned".

My husband said that once you build muscle you can't really lose it. Your muscles won't be as strong obviously, but you can't really reverse the process once you've built them up.
I'm at the point in my life where I hate my muscles - especially in my legs. My legs have always been strong, but I want to look delicate and skinny. And my legs are preventing me from doing that.

My question is: is my husband wrong? (I'm hoping he is).
Are any of you former weight lifters and now your legs are beautiful sticks?

---

[Discussion] mind-filling my apartment! what's your vice?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 14 11:08:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cxda2/mindfilling_my_apartment_whats_your_vice/
---
so i fell off the progress train in more ways than one the last couple days and it really sucked. i'm going to spend a large part of my day today reflecting and scribbling feelings in my journal. thank you all for your strength in and out of this post <3

i was wondering what some of your favorite sayings or mindfulness mantras are? because i'd like to write them down and place them all over my living space! i figure it could be nice to tape up some hand-written reminders. i have friends visit often so im debating putting up anything too food related :)

i feel like seeing "your future self is watching" on one of my mirrors, doors, cupboard, sock drawer, coat pocket... ill be less inclined to turn a blind eye and forget about this lovely community next time things start turning grey.

---

[Help] What are some tips to make sure something really fits?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 14 10:49:21 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cx9ba/what_are_some_tips_to_make_sure_something_really/
---
[removed]

---

[Goal] I didn't want to get on the treadmill, but I did anyway
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 14 10:43:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cx85z/i_didnt_want_to_get_on_the_treadmill_but_i_did/
---
https://i.redd.it/h0aadlk6hmxx.png

---

[Rant/Rave] i love my partner
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 14 10:22:43 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cx3sk/i_love_my_partner/
---
[deleted]

---

[Other] Hungry: a poem by me
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 09:57:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cwyra/hungry_a_poem_by_me/
---
A tossing sea of acidic waves,
Bubbles through caverns and caves.
Nothing is there.
My landscape is bare.
Will I ever make it through this rumbling snare?




(plz don't steal)

---

[Discussion] Wrestling
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 112.2 18.18 | 22F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 09:50:42 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cwxcz/wrestling/
---
What are your thoughts on the sport and its connection to obsessive weight watching and near-dangerous eating habits/tactics to drop a few pounds?

In high school, all of my brothers wrestled. TBH it's shocking that they all seem to have healthy relationships with food now, but having that in my life, even just peripherally, fueled my eating disorder like nothing else. I always knew my brothers' weights and needed to be thinner. I knew all of their calculations for how to drop water weight. They had a food scale in the cupboard. We had a mega accurate scale in the basement. It was eating disorder heaven.

The best part was how my dad lavished them with attention. Literally every conversation during dinners during wrestling season was about - you guessed it - wrestling. And, of course, my father didn't give a shit about my sport, soccer, and was super misogynistic and gave me zero attention and we clashed all the time and I definitely have "daddy issues." Anyway, looking back, it is astounding to see how much my brothers wrestling influenced my habits. They had practice every weekday for two hours and I would ride along to the gym 2-3 times a week and spend the entire time running around the track. My goal was to be thinner than my younger brother (wrestling 106 weight class) because he was an inch taller than me. They didn't count calories, which baffled me.

Anyway - anyone have thoughts on the sport or similar experiences?

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[Help] [Help] I am at the FUCKING MERCY OF THIS VENDING MACHINE and I need my life back. I need my body back.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 14 09:24:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cws3r/help_i_am_at_the_fucking_mercy_of_this_vending/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT] Why is it everybody's business what I eat and when I eat??
/u/Phantomsgf [5'2" | 144lbs | GW:125 | -16 lbs |F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 08:36:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cwj3o/rant_why_is_it_everybodys_business_what_i_eat_and/
---
Currently on mobile, no flair, sorry.


So I feel like crap. I just overhead my boss and coworkers criticizing the way I eat.
I have only been here for 2 months, since the first week I get comments about why I don't take lunch breaks and the girl who sits next to me asking me all the time what I had eaten. I ended up starting to eat a bit here and there just to shut her up. Mostly snacks.

Now, I live in Israel (moved here a year ago) and I still don't have the perfect Hebrew, but I do understand quite a bit.

2 weeks ago, one of the women said I ate all the time(which is not true and contradictory to what everyone else says) I'm sure she thought I wouldn't understand, but I turned to her and said it wasn't true, I do not eat all the time. She just gave me a nervous laugh and didn't say anything. I was annoyed but let it go.

Now today... I wasn't in the best mood so I skipped lunch again and just snacked on half a bag of M&M's. Then I heard my boss ask my coworker if I had eaten today (all of this in Hebrew).
She said no, just the chocolate and comments on how I never eat right. My boss agrees and says he saw me eating a soup yesterday, but that still I always have an excuse not to eat, and it's always a different story.

I felt awful and left the M&M's alone. All my life it's like my eating habits are the best conversation theme people can find and I am sick of if.
When I was 12, I was bullied and people would say I was anorexic and bulimic, up to the point of a dude coming up to me and saying "you know anorexic s can't have kids, right?". Ironically enough, that bullying ended up being part of the reasons I developed an ED in the first place.
My mom always complains that I eat like trash, no matter what I do.
When I was thin, I was unhealthy, when I decided to recover, I was unhealthy.
If I mention I feel kind of sick, people always go and say it's because of what I do or don't eat.
Fuck that. I am so sick of this.
People always say you shouldn't worry about what others think if you because they don't even notice such things. Well, for me it's the opposite. Can I just be left alone please??

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] Has anyone tried the yellow zero calorie Monster? It's my new favourite! So light and slightly lemony!
/u/descendingscales [5'7 | 160 | 25.1 | -50lbs | F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 07:45:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cw9tf/rave_has_anyone_tried_the_yellow_zero_calorie/
---
http://imgur.com/O18q1s5

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[Rant/Rave] I've been struggling so much these past few days
/u/coffeecoffeecoffee90 [5'5" | CW: 129 | GW: 120 | -30 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 06:57:40 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cw1y1/ive_been_struggling_so_much_these_past_few_days/
---
My husband convinced me to eat at maintenance for a week in preparation for a race we're running on Saturday. I say he convinced me, but it wasn't really that difficult. I hit 125 and even though my goal is 120 I thought I could slow down enough to fit in some last minute training for the race. At the time I was on board, I would stop counting calories for a week and he would hide the scale. This was Saturday afternoon. I've been at maintenance since Wednesday.

Sunday morning after a "friendsgiving", where I ate and drank over maintenance for sure, he left for church and I started searching for it. I couldn't even make it a day. I didn't find it and it's driving me crazy. I can't even shut my brain off a WEEK. Not losing feels like gaining, why is there no in between? I'm going to be running 15 miles this week so unless I binge I won't gain (so help me god). But no, that voice in the back of my mind tells me I'm going to be up to 130 again by Saturday.

I guess I'm just afraid that this will be forever. Hating myself at my lowest weight forever because it will never be good enough. I was so happy about my progress but that lasted about two days until I was back again. I'm not really asking for advice I guess, just wanted to rant. I feel like most of you here have already come to terms with this feeling but I'm not there yet.

---

[Rant/Rave] I have maintained/mildly overeaten for about three weeks. Here are the benefits I've experienced.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [Everybody's Fool]
Created: Mon Nov 14 06:46:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cw0ea/i_have_maintainedmildly_overeaten_for_about_three/
---
I'm writing this to make myself feel better. I am struggling with what I've done. Posting it up here incase it helps anyone else, too.

The last three weeks were punctuated by short term fasts here and there (16h, 24h), but generally I have maintained or eaten plenty. A couple of times I lost my appetite due to sickness, but that was all.

First week I ate plenty in preparation for a race. Second week, my boyfriend left from staying with me on the Tuesday (after we entered the race together that Monday) and I found it hard to get back into the swing of restriction midweek - my usual 'eating routine' is based on the flow of a week, if that makes sense. One day out of whack, everything goes to pot - I either eat too much, or fast too much. This time, I ate too much. Third week, right on the Monday, I came down with a cold. I fasted, and tried to restrict on the Tuesday, but by Wednesday I felt so shite I ate everything in sight... well, felt like it.

I have found it to have gone very differently to the month where I outright binged practically the whole time. Thankfully, no legit binge the last three weeks (no matter how my ED brain wishes to perceive it..). Just maintaining or eating a few hundred over TDEE, one point I ate loads of nut granola and PB (on the Wednesday I had my cold and gave in to eat, was so hungry after fasting during getting sick!) but that was about it. Well, I ate a bunch of chocolate last night. Haaa. Anyway.

Benefits:

* While I am definitely water-weighty and puffy, I don't seem to be holding onto quite as much water weight after eating as I usually do. Like, my water weight is more a normal, human level I think. I did have some edema towards the beginning, I get that pretty extremely, but I that's calmed down.

* I am not bloating to extremes after food any more. I am a little bloated after mini chocolate-fest last night, but usually its like I've swallowed a huge beach ball if I eat anything at all. ROUND. Right now, it's more a moderately sized squishy melon.

* No more rushing to the bathroom after eating dairy

* Digestive issues in general seem to have really relaxed - before, I either had diarrhoea or I was constipated. No in between. Now, things are more usual.

* My libido came back. I was having trouble accepting that I wasn't feelin' into the sexytimes any more in general.. certainly not for lack of attraction for my gorgeous partner, nor actually for the lack of *want*, but mostly I just felt too exhausted all the time and preoccupied with what to eat or not eat and self conscious. But this weekend, much better. Wont get TMI on this one, but its a thing!

* I ended up making way better food choices in general. Better food combinations, realised there are more foods that I could stick on my safe foods list because of the nutritionals because I actually allowed myself to buy and eat them, as well as more food combinations that I found worked.

* Most notably, I found some meal ideas for *hot* foods that fit my nutritional preferences/balance. I very rarely ate hot foods in the past, besides steamed veg. Excited to be able to include hot foods in winter!

* Getting over my irrational fear of healthy fats. I have eaten a lot the past three weeks and wow the world didn't explode guys! A ways to go on this one, but it's helped.

* Stopped feeling that deep down cold around the times I ate more. This one was sort of a 'con' though, as some of the time I felt very very hot and sweaty (even before getting sick!). Still, I hated the deep down cold..

* Learned more about my bodies hunger cues, what real ones felt like and what boredom ones felt like. Before, I put all hunger cues down to greed and boredom - being reminded of what real ones feel like may help me satiate myself carefully and avoid future unplanned binges.

* Ate a lot of the food I had stocked up in the house that I never touch when I'm restricting, so my freezer and cupboards are more free'd up :P

So, that's it.

Sadly, I don't think I can keep this up. Maybe it's my imagination, especially since some of my overeating days might have been mitigated by the fasting days and losing appetite days, but I swear I feel a layer of fat starting to cover my body. I feel a double chin. *Love handles*. I'm getting that fear, it was getting worse over the last couple of days tbh and I knew I wouldn't be able to ignore it come today.

I do feel awful. Afraid, guilty, fat.. But it was okay. I'm okay. There were benefits, that's what I'm reminding myself of.

I can't fuck up anymore though..

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! November 14, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Nov 14 05:13:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cvmvs/weekly_stats_update_november_14_2016/
---
This is the weekly status thread for November 14, 2016.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome. Previous updates are archived [here.](http://www.reddit.com/r/proED/wiki/archives)

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 14, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Nov 14 05:13:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cvmv2/daily_food_diary_november_14_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 14, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else have no idea what they actually look like?
/u/_linstroq [5'7|CW:114|BMI:17.85|-11|GW:105]
Created: Mon Nov 14 04:32:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cvi5q/does_anyone_else_have_no_idea_what_they_actually/
---
Sounds weird, but I have no idea what I actually look like to everyone else. In the mirror, I look fat. Not terribly, mind you, but still unsatisfactory. In pictures though... fuck. I look like a beast. Not even just my body, but my face too. When I look in the mirror I don't think my face is ugly; if anything it's my best feature. But then I get a picture taken by someone else and it's just... damn. Who is that, you know? To make everything even more confusing every once in a while I'll get a compliment on my looks, only to later be called ugly. :/

Anyway, excuse the rant, but I'm interested to hear if anyone else has this problem.

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[Goal] Christmas Goals
/u/ResurrectionOfMarion
Created: Mon Nov 14 03:13:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cv9lt/christmas_goals/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] Boyfriend noticed
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Nov 14 03:01:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cv8cu/boyfriend_noticed/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Remembering the worst binge of my life
/u/desaparecida [4'9" | CW:106lb | BMI: 21.3 | 24F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 02:38:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cv5xn/rantrave_remembering_the_worst_binge_of_my_life/
---
(Sorry, mobile so cant't flair)

My situation some years ago was the perfect storm to either develop or worsen a binge eating disorder. Back then I was living alone, I had a constant money income, self-esteem issues and an endless love for pastries (these last two still remain sadly). I can't exactly pinpoint the moment at which I started to eat compulsively, but at some point I knew exactly 5 bakeries nearby my place and had made my own catalogue featuring all the delivery food available in my area. I used to come back home from university feeling like a failure (school was damn hard) and on top of that the realization that most days I hadn't even opened my mouth to say hello to another human being made me feel lonely as fuck. I dreaded getting home at night, opening the door and seeing my stuff exactly the way I had left it in the morning. I was constantly binging at night out of loneliness and desperation. But on one night, the night that I came home after one of my professor yelled at me in front of the whole class, I took my wallet and bought almost 100usd worth of food. Pastries, bread, cake, chinese, pizza, fried chicken. I laid all the food carefully on my bed and ate and ate and ate while crying at my own misery.

I came a long way since that, but I'd be lying to myself if I say that I'm cured from BED. Right now I'm at the lowest weight I have ever been since I stopped growing, mostly thanks to mild restriction, but food always follows me like some kind of ghost. A fat ghost I guess. I still binge and then restrict for periods but not nearly as much as I did. Sometimes I'm just eating a healthy normal sized meal, but the moment I discover myself enjoying it my brain freaks out and yells me that I'm gonna get fat. I hope someday I can truly change this and enjoy a meal like a normal person.

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[Rant/Rave] why am i still doing this
/u/kinaadman [5'1" | SW 210 | CW 110 | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 02:27:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cv4t0/why_am_i_still_doing_this/
---
why do i exercise and restrict i still look gross i just want to die im so tired of this

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Ate about 2000 calories today
/u/pineapplesandham [5'3 | 99.8 lbs | 18.17 | -5 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Nov 14 00:07:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cuqad/rantrave_ate_about_2000_calories_today/
---
It wasn't even for any particular reason, except that it's Sunday, maybe. And that those yams on the dinner table were delicious as fuck. I'm at my parents' house for the weekend, and they make a lot of yummy food I don't really eat during the week (because I have no idea how to cook it lmao).

God damn it, I was going to make today a good day, ending with maintenance. But then one fingerling yam happened, and then another, and then another, then a huge Asian pear, then some crackers... all that added up to 500+ calories, wtf? How could I let this happen?

I mean, it tasted good. But I'm not sure if it was worth it. I've been overeating every single day I've been at my parents' house (i.e. the past 3 days) and I feel gross and fat.

I'm also really tired... I'm not sure if I can make it out the door for a run. Fuck.

Rant over. I really like the thought of eating just a Starbucks panini and a bowl of cereal tomorrow.

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[Rant/Rave] I CANT FIND THE SCALE!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 13 22:47:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cugdj/i_cant_find_the_scale/
---
I was finally brave enough to weigh myself. I come out and it's fucking gone. My fucking mom probably threw it out because of her fucking insecurities. I'm hyperventilating. That scale was the only way I received validation. That fucking scale was the only one in the house. But oh no, she got too insecure. Fuck you, and everything you've ever stood for. Fuck you, for getting up at inhumane times in the morning, so I can't weigh my food in peace. Fuck you, for bringing me pancakes, ciabatta bread, and cupcakes, while being completely aware of my binge eating. FUCK YOU, for calling binge eating a natural response to carbohydrates. You were the one that put me on a diet in the first place, now I've fucking beat you to the ground. I'm normal and you're still morbidly obese. Now the joke isn't funny anymore, is it mom? It was fun when I was starving myself and fat, but the second I go under 125, it transforms into a bloody eating disorder and you suddenly start caring. Because i don't matter if I'm fat, do I?

I just want my fucking scale back.

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[Rant/Rave] on mobile so i can't flair but: RANT
/u/effinglizzi
Created: Sun Nov 13 22:45:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cug5i/on_mobile_so_i_cant_flair_but_rant/
---
okay so. i'm in a relationship. it's been seven months and it's a fairly healthy relationship. but he's really pushed me towards recovery which i was not ready for but i did it for him. i am now at my highest weight ever and i can't help blaming him. i feel mad at him for pushing me towards something i wasn't ready for and now i hate myself more than ever. tonight i decided that i am not on the path to recovery anymore, i've given up and i'm starting a fast tonight at midnight. don't know how long i'll go for but i can't stand to look at myself anymore. i am horrendous. i am so unhappy with myself physically. but i will fix this. i will lose the weight.

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[Rant/Rave] F*cking chipmunk cheeks
/u/rukittenmerightnow
Created: Sun Nov 13 22:11:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cubjh/fcking_chipmunk_cheeks/
---
Thanks, bulimia.

I need to get in control again, I hate this awful b/p cycle, and I have never had cheeks this swollen before from purging. I hate it so much. I'm going to fast this week and stay on track.

Sorry I just wanted to put this here as a reminder to myself to *not under any circumstance* purge again.

xoxo

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Appetite Suppressants ASAP
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 13 21:47:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cu850/appetite_suppressants_asap/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Should I do it? Fellow cosplayers advice especially appreciated
/u/SgtSarah [5'1 | 93 | 18.4 | -21| F]
Created: Sun Nov 13 21:37:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cu6qb/should_i_do_it_fellow_cosplayers_advice/
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Someone's selling a Cat Noir cosplay in this facebook group im part of. And meee-ow it is very reasonably priced for such a nice set. I'm really tempted to buy it, but this would be my first time wearing a costume that shows the shape of my body. I'm worried I won't make use of it. Nothing makes you look fat like a skintight leather jumpsuit.

Guess I'm just looking for a second opinion one way or the other. Does anyone else cosplay? And do you find the nerve to wear revealing costumes?

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Im fat
/u/kickkkasss [5'5 | CW:134 | GW:110 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 13 21:06:01 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cu21t/im_fat/
---
[removed]

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I hate when people report ana/mia stuff
/u/meinobody
Created: Sun Nov 13 20:17:16 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ctuk2/i_hate_when_people_report_anamia_stuff/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] my city is skinny
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 150lbs | bmi: 29 | -15lbs | f]
Created: Sun Nov 13 20:08:27 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ctt7l/my_city_is_skinny/
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it might just be the area i live in (i'm in the gay village, and live a block from the national ballet school), but there isn't a ton of obese people here, despite the national average going up. honestly, most overweight people seem to be tourists. i can't wait for the day i look like i belong in this city. my school is known for having well dressed, attractive people, and i'm gonna be one of them. its such a weird goal, but like i have this image that comes to mind when i think of a 20 something who lives in this city, and i'm gonna look like that.

back home, the average 20 something is giving up, planning to stay in a shitty small town forever. here, they thrive, they go out on weekends, but work hard and eat well to stay slim.

i want that energy, that drive. i will have it. i'm getting there.

~~then i can get drunk in public! rather than alone in my room!~~

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[Help] Need help finding an app that will track nutrients but not calories
/u/anisaindigo
Created: Sun Nov 13 16:30:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cst4h/need_help_finding_an_app_that_will_track/
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I struggled with my eating in the past but have been fine for the past 2 years. Recently I have started strength training and I need to be able to track my protein intake, also because of various allergies I need to be able to make sure I'm getting enough iron / vitamins for my health. It was calorie counting and those apps in general that took me from just trying to loose a few pounds to slipping out of control, and while I consider myself 100% recovered I know that counting calories will make me start to spiral again. Does anyone know of an app where you can track your eating and it will show you your daily intake of grams of protein/ carbs/ fat as well as nutrients & vitamins WITHOUT showing you calories? Thanks so very much.

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[Rant/Rave] Today I am 24
/u/TopCat1392 [5'3.5" | FAT | ??? | -16.2 | GW:92.6 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 13 16:17:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5csqvw/today_i_am_24/
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One year older, none the wiser. Mfp says I'm down 20 lbs. Most people would be proud, but instead, I am ashamed. Ashamed I allowed myself to be at such a weight that that was even possible. Ashamed of the fact that I am 8lb higher than my adult LW that I reached in July. Ashamed of the fact that I've gained and lost the same five pounds since the first three over my low weight. And now I have to smile and act completely normal on this "joyous occasion" surrounded by my so, family, and ffiends. Horry /s

---

[Other] As an American..
/u/sweetmoo
Created: Sun Nov 13 15:43:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5csksx/as_an_american/
---
On mobile/no flair

I have never focused more with my inner eye than ever on my ED. I do not want to talk politics. I want to zero in intensely on what control I do have - that which is over my body.

I will eat what I choose. I will feel good as I choose based on my food choices. I will work according to my energy levels. All based on my intake.

From there, I will move on. I just don't want to hear about it. Let me control this microcosm in peace. It is mine and mine to own.

---

[Discussion] How do you stay strong when restricting?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 13 15:18:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5csgbg/how_do_you_stay_strong_when_restricting/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Flatmate heard me purging the other day.
/u/Casablanca_Insomnia [5'3 | TOO MUCH | -21 | GW: 87 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 13 15:15:57 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5csfu4/flatmate_heard_me_purging_the_other_day/
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She bitched me out for making her "lose her appetite". Luckily I was able to pretend I was extremely hungover instead of just fisting my snickers bar out of my mouth. Then I spent the rest of the day feeling incredibly anxious but too paranoid to vomit that feeling away. I'm so ashamed, I can't stop thinking about it. Bulimia sucks.

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[Help] Eating a bunch before going to the doctors?
/u/fuckthislol [5'8.5 | 52.6kg | 17.37/17.12 | Not enough | F]
Created: Sun Nov 13 14:59:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cscr7/eating_a_bunch_before_going_to_the_doctors/
---
So I'm going to the doctors tomorrow morning and I'm pretty sure they'll weigh me, but I've lost more weight since a couple weeks ago when they did and I'm worried they'll say something (17 so can tell parents to make me eat more).

Would eating a bunch tonight (it's like 10pm now) be of any help in making there less of a difference? Or should I just drink a ton of water?

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] ~*~Just BED Things~*~
/u/erythridoll
Created: Sun Nov 13 14:53:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5csbiu/just_bed_things/
---
http://i.imgur.com/t4b3ZhE.jpg

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[Other] A few days ago I made a post
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 13 13:49:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5crzca/a_few_days_ago_i_made_a_post/
---
About feeling like I have to make a decision between my boyfriend and my eating disorder.

Today I told him I had gained weight since we started dating and asked if he could see it. He told me no. I can see it though. He asks me to eat 1000 cals a day, but there is no grey in my world. I binge or fast. I tried it for a while and I've gained a LOT of weight back due to it. So we made a deal. I'd try hard in therapy and he would let me eat what I want (=not much lol) if I don't get below a certain weight, this weight is just like a BMI of 17,5. Not good enough for me, but it's better.

For now I can have the two things in life I love most at the same time.

---

[Discussion] Are we getting downvoters in the threads? :/
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Sun Nov 13 13:27:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5crvdj/are_we_getting_downvoters_in_the_threads/
---
Every time I've looked in any thread over the past couple of hours there's been multiple comments on 0 or in the minuses and these comments are all perfectly reasonable and supportive comments. Does this happen a lot and I'm just oblivious to it? Are these comments bad and I'm just too naïve to see it? What's going on?

---

[Help] Experience with an alcohol fast?
/u/HereToStirItUp
Created: Sun Nov 13 13:13:08 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5crsmy/experience_with_an_alcohol_fast/
---
My life is like a fart. No appetite, I only want to numb. The only drug I have access to is alcohol.

What am I about to get myself into by consuming nothing but alcohol for an extended period of time?

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm not obese anymore!! [Rave]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 13 13:11:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5crs9g/im_not_obese_anymore_rave/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Does anyone take any supplements to aid in their weight loss?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 13 12:40:32 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5crmkp/does_anyone_take_any_supplements_to_aid_in_their/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My experience with masculine goals, can anyone relate
/u/sjdoubleyou [6'3" | 176 | 20.60 | M]
Created: Sun Nov 13 12:37:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5crlyi/my_experience_with_masculine_goals_can_anyone/
---
I'm a fairly large person no matter what my weight is. I have broad shoulders and am 6'3". I just want to look "normal". I don't much care for ribs, collarbones, hip bones etc. etc. I just don't want a glob of a belly to spill over my pants when I sit down. I don't want breasts poking through whenever I wear just a t-shirt. Is that too much to ask?

When I first got ill I dropped down to 157lbs. I was very thin. But my body was still soft, I still had unfortunate fat hanging out in my upper torso. I'm 20 pounds heavier now but all my "skinny" clothes still fit, I think because my body recomped a bit.

I'm just frustrated. Does anybody else have this experience.

edit: To add on, my "thinspo" (I'm resistant to that term because I'm resisting a full-scale relapse) is something along these lines... [example](http://totallydublin.ie/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/ave-dill-bin.jpeg) ... [example] (http://static1.squarespace.com/static/536ea5cbe4b074eafa4feea0/54e631bae4b0feaa4762db0a/554294ece4b0fd3f92f13fc6/1474153060789/?format=1000w) ... whereas I'm sort of stuck around having that stature, but having unsightly blobs of fat in my abdomen and breast areas.

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[Help] Master cleanse?
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 167| 24.66|GW:120 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 13 12:15:22 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5crhs2/master_cleanse/
---
[removed]

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[Other] DAE have binging dreams?
/u/AmberMoonstone [5' 5.5'' | 128.4 | 21]
Created: Sun Nov 13 12:03:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5crfft/dae_have_binging_dreams/
---
Last night I dreamt that I was in a grocery store tearing apart the ice cream section. Interestingly enough, I went for the pink and blue cotton candy ice cream first. I swear, I could taste all the ice cream I ate, so much so that in the dream I started to panic because I thought I messed up the day. The relief of waking up was extreme.

---

[Tip] Little tutorial to feel better :)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 13 11:44:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5crc2a/little_tutorial_to_feel_better/
---
If you haven't showered in 36 hours, it's probably a good idea to do so.

Do you have any vitamin supplements? If yes, have you remembered to take them? They might have a small amount of cals (depending on the pill) but if you're in it for the long run, it'll help.

When is the last time you've gotten a full night of sleep? If it's been a while, try cutting down on the caffeine right before bed. You'll feel so much better if you're well-rested.

How long is it since you've cleaned your room? Are there any plates, any old food, or any empty cans/bottles? If so, remove them immediately. I find that if I'm in a clean environment, I'm less likely to binge.

What time is it? Are you dressed? If no, put on some clothes. They don't even have to be tight or appropriate for leaving the house, but it's always good to wear clothes.

Have you taken your prescribed meds today? If not, take them.

How is your pet? Does it have food? Is the water-bowl filled? Have you played with it lately? Maybe give it a quick scratch or a cuddle.

Have you had any water today? If not, try getting down a little glass. It might feel weird, especially if you're fasting, but being hydrated is always good.

Make sure to stretch after you work out/exercise. If anything, it's extra calories.

How long is it since you've talked to a family-member/one of your friends/your partner? Often, I find that it has been days if I don't focus on it. It'll help your mental health.

How are your plants doing? Give those fuckers some water, you've probably forgot.

How long is it since you've brushed your teeth? If you've forgot, do it now. You can brush your hair too, but it's optional.

Try printing and coloring a Disney princess. Buy a new houseplant. Go for a smoke. Write a short essay. Browse through nosleep. Light some candles. Put on soft socks. Read an old book again, or read an entirely new one you've been putting off for way too long. Do your hair. Paint your nails. Dance to your favorite song. Make a Spotify playlist. Binge-watch your favorite YouTuber. Do the dishes. Go shopping.

Take care, guys.

---

[Discussion] DAE feel like they're bad at being a girl?
/u/Saltycook [5'4"| 127# |21.8| -36# | Female]
Created: Sun Nov 13 11:40:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5crb6i/dae_feel_like_theyre_bad_at_being_a_girl/
---
I work in a male dominated field and I have few (no) female friends in this city. Yesterday I had a cocktail party to attend and needed and dress/jewelry/shoes etc. First of all, I had no idea what size to try on, I felt like a whale despite only needing a small or extra small. Other women did not seem to share this distress. I think I aspirated glitter. I was worried about if I looked like a sausage in a tight casing. I even had dreams the night before about not being able to find something. I don't know if it's my ED brain trying to tear things apart or it's just me

---

[Discussion] Do you have trouble with food smells?
/u/Suusss [\\ 5'6" // cw114.5 \\ -9.8 //]
Created: Sun Nov 13 11:31:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cr9ky/do_you_have_trouble_with_food_smells/
---
I spec. dont like breakfast, but I like overcrazy food smells like carnival cheer

---

I hate Sundays...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 13 11:24:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cr893/i_hate_sundays/
---
I hate Sundays because usually that's when people have brunch and today I went out for brunch with friends I hardly ever see. I got a bit tipsy on a mimosa (since I barely ate the night before) and then went out to eat brunch. I had a huge serving of chocolate chip pancakes (I only ate half) and took the rest home. I knew that I was going to binge on the rest when I got home so I debated throwing out my leftovers but anxious me felt that it would look weird for someone to just trash a box of food (there were cars and pedestrians around me while I was contemplating this). Since I'm a shit person my other option was to give the pancakes to my roommate, who is usually home and can never resist food. But she wasn't home and I couldn't even help myself and I ate the pancakes. Now I feel like shit and I'm sitting at home hating myself but I have so many things I need to do today! Ugh...sorry for this ramble but I feel so gross and need motivation...

Edit: sorry on mobile no flair

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[Rant/Rave] Weight surprise last night.
/u/TiredOfBeingFat_ [6'0"| CW251 |BMI34 | 22lost | GW130]
Created: Sun Nov 13 11:18:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cr772/weight_surprise_last_night/
---
So my weight was up like three pounds at the doctors this Wednesday to 245, I thought okay I've been binging and just stuffing my face from being in pain with my back and depressed. That's acceptable since I was in plateau and wasn't losing anything.

So I can only weigh myself on the weekends at my dads, and I weighed myself Friday night and I was at like 246, weighed myself again last night after dirty fasting and somehow I've actually lost like .2 of a pound from my lowest of 242.6. I'm throughly confused I've been doing nothing but eating these past couple of weeks. Is my TDE still so high that I was somehow just able to maintain my weight? I'm honestly relieved and confused at the same time.

And the other good news, I've got a new antidepressant so I'm finally able to quit emotional eating and I'm currently attempting a 24 hour fast. Currently on hour 10 and even after fasting most of the day yesterday I didn't binge because my new meds make me really sick to my stomach and I wasn't really hungry but I wasn't gonna push my body's limits since I haven't fasted in a while and needed to get something in me so I ate a little bit of the homemade dinner my aunt made :) Even though I tried calorie counting it just by looking at it and it came back pretty high cal, but that's okay because I didn't stuff my face and only ate a small bowl and a garlic cheese biscuit.

I don't know, I'm really proud of myself. It sounds so stupid but this is the first day I haven't like completely hated myself, hopefully I can keep this up and get to my first mini GW of 230.

---

cold hands, colder heart
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 13 10:48:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cr1px/cold_hands_colder_heart/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/e00e0f7227fc44b5abcc965ffecfb514?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=d6cc1845ce90777bab9585e1d6de0b57

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[Other] My way out of obesity
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 13 10:37:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cqzrq/my_way_out_of_obesity/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] One month. Absolutely devastating. Can anyone offer advice? Motivation? Kind words?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 13 09:31:34 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cqo01/one_month_absolutely_devastating_can_anyone_offer/
---
http://imgur.com/T1glDyA

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[Goal] another committing to a binge-free week thread, day 4! (forgot to make a day 3 thread)
/u/leatherhoff [5"3 | 130 | ftm (not on hrt yet)]
Created: Sun Nov 13 08:58:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cqil4/another_committing_to_a_bingefree_week_thread_day/
---
day 4! hope its been going well for yall :-)

ive actually been doing terribly since i started this. gonna try again starting tomorrow though cos ive got school so ill be out for the day. really need to stop binging cos i feel like its starting to affect my heart

calling everyone participating:
/u/smokesanddietcokes
/u/rainbowsunshinedust
/u/hellosex
/u/diekorrekturen
/u/IAMABaguetteAMA
/u/eboneezah
/u/victoria-stuff
/u/fluffydaffodil
/u/dnedna
/u/diet247x
/u/eeveecakes
/u/smallsmallersmallest
/u/TheMostExoticFlower
/u/glipglopsfromthe3rdD
/u/Rhyanon
/u/deanhipchester
/u/bonedust_pale
/u/bloodketosexmagic
/u/chrrie
/u/fringeandbinge
/u/water-coffee-tea
/u/Im_A_Whale_AMA
/u/concuidado
/u/fondletime
/u/dogfucker_420
/u/three_two_bone
/u/salt_skin
/u/patrokhilles
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone
/u/fancycunts
/u/capture_the_excite

let me know if youre interested in joining or if i forgot you

---

YanHee Diet Pills: have you tried these, what are your thoughts?
/u/maybe_nev3r
Created: Sun Nov 13 07:00:28 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cq194/yanhee_diet_pills_have_you_tried_these_what_are/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/a505406ddb054798bcc98e484474940f?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=e272ce2a2aec7cd1059e664854cc9a35

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[Goal] I stopped myself from binging!!
/u/namelessgia
Created: Sun Nov 13 05:40:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cprxr/i_stopped_myself_from_binging/
---
This might not be a big deal to anyone but I'm really happy about it and have nobody else I can share this stuff with. So yesterday I decided that today could be a binge day since I was out drinking that night and thought I'd have a killer hangover. It got to 3pm and I got to 750 calories before deciding that I didn't feel "hungover" enough to justify a binge. Of course because I'd already declared it a binge day it was hard to stop myself from going to the kitchen and pigging out but I did it!! I managed to distract myself for the rest of the day, I'm about to go to bed and I'm so happy right now I could cry. [Can't flair, mobile]

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[Discussion] DAE Compulsively Judge and Compare Themselves to Other People?
/u/interstellarSpider [5'3 | CW: 106.4lbs | GW: 100lbs | BMI: 19.37]
Created: Sun Nov 13 05:39:25 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cprvj/dae_compulsively_judge_and_compare_themselves_to/
---
It's terrible, especially since in every other way I'm naturally understanding and supportive of others, but I can't seem to control my thoughts. Whenever I go out in public, or even when I see images of other people online, the very first thing I do is sort of 'size them up'; their weight, their hair, their makeup, their clothing. Is it better than mine? If so, is there any way I could ever attain that same look or style? It's a really unpleasant feeling of envy.

If I see someone out on the street, or read the stats of someone online, who is heavier than me, I get this strange feeling of relief and superiority, regardless of how attractive they might be otherwise; if I see someone seriously overweight I find myself judging them really harshly for not caring about themselves as much as I do.

Like I said, these thoughts aren't 'me' at all; I would never act on them and they would never influence how I treat someone else. They make going outside so mentally taxing, but at the same time it's weirdly comforting, especially when I can say to myself that I'm probably the most attractive person in the room/train car/on the street/etc.

Does anyone else experience this too?

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post all the memes November 13, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Nov 13 05:08:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cponl/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes_november_13/
---
This is the weekly 'Shitpost' Sunday thread for November 13, 2016.

This is the perfect place for all of your memes and humor posts!

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 13, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Nov 13 05:08:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cpon0/daily_food_diary_november_13_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 13, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm so tired of this
/u/Indigobeet [162cm | 62kg | 24.3 | 0 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 13 04:15:50 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cpja3/im_so_tired_of_this/
---
I'm so tired of binging, it's 11am and I've eaten my tdee in like 10 minutes. I want to stop, but my life feels so empty right now that this sort of fills the void.

I restrict so well during the week, I don't know what happens, but I managed to destroy my deficit on weekends :/

Sorry for the incoherent string of thoughts, I just wanted to vent.

---

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend "unintentionally" flirts with other girls, makes me want to restrict even more..
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Nov 13 03:49:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cpgs8/my_boyfriend_unintentionally_flirts_with_other/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Normale Portion sizes
/u/ED2134 [168cm | fat | female| -10kg]
Created: Sun Nov 13 03:47:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cpgns/normale_portion_sizes/
---
I realised that my portion sizes are totally of balance. Due to the binging I usually do not feel satisfied. I know the state "hungry" and " omg I am gonna die". I think that this is at least partially responsible for big portion sizes. What are normal portion sizes? Meaning how many gramm does a normal person eat to feel not hungry? I tried googeling it, but I couln't find much. I only found guides for estimating how big a portion is.
Can anybody help? I am especially interessted in high carb stuff like pasta, rice, quinoa, pizza, potatoes, bread. But I wouldn't mind knowing portions sizes for vegetables and fruit.

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[Help] Trouble sleeping
/u/magfrack [5'5" | 126.4 | 21.28 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 13 01:29:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cp4ge/trouble_sleeping/
---
I can't sleep when I'm fasting...any tips? This sucks.

---

[Goal] #goals
/u/nyopq [5'11 | 174.0 | 24.3 | GW: 115 | M]
Created: Sun Nov 13 00:51:35 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cp0vh/goals/
---
http://imgur.com/CAO125j

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[Thinspo] Christmas Thinspo (bit NSFW, ladies in bra/panties)
/u/Navelpudding [5' 6" | 185 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 12 23:15:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5coqu7/christmas_thinspo_bit_nsfw_ladies_in_brapanties/
---
http://imgur.com/a/ZuYD7

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[Rant/Rave] Oh, okay (please just let me die).
/u/deanhipchester [5' | 114.2 lbs | 23.29 | -28 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Nov 12 22:39:13 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5comji/oh_okay_please_just_let_me_die/
---
This is going to be a bit of a ramble, I'm sorry.

I was doing relatively well from September to October, but as soon as November hit I have been nonstop binging (so far: 2 days net negative, 1 under 500, with the rest being above 2000). Needless to say I've gained and it's obvious.

But my roommates have commented on it. Before they made jokes about how I only lived off juice (Slim juice is like 10 cals a cup!), but now they make comments about how I won't stop eating. Today I was about to join one who was hanging out with a mutual friend when I overheard her making a joke about how I was a monster that wouldn't stop eating.

I feel like such shit. I have a midterm worth 40% tomorrow and all I can think about it how I just binged and my stomach protrudes and how big my thighs are and how i'm barely fitting into a size 4 but my dress for an event on the 24th is a size 2 and how i have a family party tomorrow where i'll have to eat and how the longest fast i've had this month was only 28 hours and i ended that today with a binge and LMAO i really am a monster who won't stop eating

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[Rant/Rave] I took a break from my boyfriend because he was making me gain weight and I realized that I rather be skinny than be in love lmao
/u/cheeekyslug [5'5" - 19F - never good enough anyways]
Created: Sat Nov 12 22:32:24 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5colpf/i_took_a_break_from_my_boyfriend_because_he_was/
---
He eats healthier than I do and I was happy to talk to him which made me want to eat more since I only eat when I'm happy and one time he told all of his friends I was super hot and that made me realize how much I wasn't and then the pressure to get hot was so bad I ate pizza and cheese fries and ice cream (I haven't eaten any of these in MONTHS) and binged for two days, threatened to kill myself and oh boy did things escalate

THANKS ED BRAIN IM HAVING LOTS OF FUN

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else feel like a failure if you eat, even when it's very little?
/u/nyopq [5'11 | 174.0 | 24.3 | GW: 115 | M]
Created: Sat Nov 12 21:57:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cohec/does_anyone_else_feel_like_a_failure_if_you_eat/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cohec/does_anyone_else_feel_like_a_failure_if_you_eat/

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[Discussion] DAE get lower back pain after purging?
/u/wavvvybaby
Created: Sat Nov 12 21:15:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cobvr/dae_get_lower_back_pain_after_purging/
---
*No flair on mobile*

I've been a mess since I started new BC pills which made me so insatiably hungry and caused my boobs to literally grow over night. This has caused me to sometimes binge but always purge. I've been having really back lower back pain after purging and its kinda dull aching.

Does anyone else experience this?

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Can you drink and still be underweight?
/u/Wordsalad_
Created: Sat Nov 12 21:00:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5co9vj/can_you_drink_and_still_be_underweight/
---
[removed]

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[Other] I really went on a binge....
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 167| 24.66|GW:120 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 12 20:58:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5co9hx/i_really_went_on_a_binge/
---
I was doing so well all week! eating around 800 calories a day, was slacking in the working out but I had exams and all my free time went towards studying. Rewarded myself this morning with a starbucks and it really went all down hill from there. Poptart, sandwich, ramen, wings, fries, mac n cheese bites. Now i am sitting here just feeling so gross...

---

[Rant/Rave] Introduction + a mini little vent
/u/fiascofiesta [5'7" | 123.4 | 19.26 | 22F]
Created: Sat Nov 12 20:34:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5co689/introduction_a_mini_little_vent/
---
Hey y'all! I posted in one of the weekly update threads but I wanted to make an official post to say hello. I don't have too much to say, I guess. I'm 22. In the past couple months I've fallen back on some old habits, and I was looking for thinspo and found this lovely little community. I've been kind of quiet because everyone here seems quite tight knit and I don't want to disturb anything, but I'd like to start posting more :)

Beyond that.. I got my first "Have you lost weight?" comment today. I haven't lost much so far, so I'm amazed it happened so quickly. I got really uncomfortable and just said no. I wanted to have a little victory, but it just made me nervous because I don't believe I'm noticeably thinner :/ then when I got home I went to weigh out some salsa and chips... and my boyfriend washed my food scale. My electronic food scale. In the dishwasher. With the BATTERIES. I'm so unreasonably angry with him. I was just thinking about how grateful I was to have a scale because I measured out a cup of pasta and then weighed it and it was a full cup and a half according to weight! I don't want that kind of error but I can't afford a new one and a new bathroom scale.... ugh.

Anyway! It's nice to be here. If anyone knows of some SUPER cheap (reliable) scales, I'd appreciate being told the name.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] nightmares
/u/thirdocean
Created: Sat Nov 12 20:20:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5co48x/rant_nightmares/
---
I've been have nightmares at least weekly that my boyfriend leaves me for a skinny girl. It's a girl he's never met even. But I keep dreaming about him leaving me. In one he literally said "it's because she's skinny and blonde" and I'm not. He's never been mean to me about weight and was with me when I was heavier. He doesn't care. Why am I like this? How do I stop? It hurts so much I wake up and sob.

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[Discussion] Challenge trousers (buying small clothes to see if you can lose the weight)
/u/skinnypod [5'6" | 121 | 19.8 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 12 18:03:54 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cnk0p/challenge_trousers_buying_small_clothes_to_see_if/
---
Hello all :)

So this week I bought a pair of XS "reclaimed vintage" trousers and frankly they don't fit me. I can get in them and zip them, but the button isn't happening.

I've got until the end if the month to return the trousers. If I can't fit in them by then then they are going (tbh I am broke and shouldn't have bought them anyway) but they are lovely and I would rather keep and wear them.

Does anyone else do this? By clothing as a challenge to yourself? Like skin tight dresses for special nights out cause you'll "be thin" on that day, only to never be satisfied with how they look. Even if they technically fit...

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[Discussion] DAE start bingeing after just a taste of a certain food?
/u/lilialley
Created: Sat Nov 12 16:06:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cn0x9/dae_start_bingeing_after_just_a_taste_of_a/
---
I can never have "just a little bit"—it always has to be the whole bag or whole container. Even if it's a tiny bag, I'll just go out and buy more. Because of this, I've cut out almost all chips, popcorn, candy, cookies, and white bread. Everyone says it's all about balance and tells me I'm being too strict...but balance is hard, and I can't eat something that will upset it.

Anyone else have this problem?

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[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] My art teacher said something awful to me
/u/k-w- [5'5 | CW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 12 15:12:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cmrw0/rantrave_my_art_teacher_said_something_awful_to_me/
---
mobile, no flair

I'm in an independent art class where we get to pick the kind of art we do, and I'm doing 3D animation. My current project is a floating alien head. I was working on sculpting it, and she came up behind me and said, "That's really cool. It looks a lot like you. Round, flat face. You're subconsciously making it look like yourself."

I didn't know what to say. That was a month ago and I can't stop thinking about it. My face feels disgusting and it's round and flat and like an alien and it has too much acne.

---

[Discussion] Christmas thinspo?
/u/Navelpudding [5' 6" | 185 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 12 14:45:48 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cmnch/christmas_thinspo/
---
I'm in the mood for Christmas and I wanted to use some Christmasy thinspo as a background but I don't have any in my collection (and Pinterest deleted my board with like 1k pins again so idk what I even had saved).

Do you lovelies have suggestions?

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[Discussion] DAE freak out about seeing themselves in photos?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105 | GW: 99 | 18.0 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 12 14:34:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cmldv/dae_freak_out_about_seeing_themselves_in_photos/
---
Does anyone else panic when someone else takes a picture of you? All I can see is my asymmetries and I immediately go into this mode of "why didn't anyone TELL ME that I'm ugly?" I also feel like my body looks lumpier in photos than it does in real life. Do you guys get this too?

Edit: on mobile, can't flair.

---

[Discussion] What do you usually say/do to people who are invasive of your eating habits?
/u/m3h0y
Created: Sat Nov 12 14:30:29 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cmkpr/what_do_you_usually_saydo_to_people_who_are/
---
Basically moved to a new town, and I've cut ties with most of the toxic or dragging friends from my past in one way or another.

I'm actually pretty happy about that. I do have one person here that I can "somewhat" rely on, but other than him, I'm so happy that I can "renew" my image.

I can start fresh and tell people I'm a vegetarian, am "too sensitive" spicy food, feel sick when I eat dairy, am a picky eater, that I grew up learning not to spend money on restaurants and think fast food tastes absolutely putrid etc.. even though NONE OF IT IS TRUE! This way no one pushes food my way or whatever.

---

[Help] photos of guys with a bmi of 18? [urgent]
/u/colour-of-sky
Created: Sat Nov 12 14:27:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cmk57/photos_of_guys_with_a_bmi_of_18_urgent/
---
[removed]

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my body is betraying me
/u/kennedyconnolly [5'9| 120 | 17.4]
Created: Sat Nov 12 12:51:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cm3ik/my_body_is_betraying_me/
---
i used to be a state champion in cross country. i was so good. i was so fast. i still had anorexia, but i kept my weight higher for the sake of running. but i've totally relapsed and fell off the wagon and i'm spiraling out of control. i've lost 10% of my body weight when i was already somewhat thin. i want to be emaciated. i want to go to the hospital. i want to starve away.

but what sucks is that my running is just going downhill. i'm not bad, but i'm way worse than i was before. in races my body just stops.

i'm so torn.

can't flair, mobile.

---

[Other] This website posts models stats
/u/iwillbesmall [5'6" | 119lbs | F | GW: 99]
Created: Sat Nov 12 11:12:20 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cllw4/this_website_posts_models_stats/
---
http://www.pancoat-store.com/

they post the stats of there models under some of the photos. Most of the girls are korean so they have smaller builds so be mindful of that. 5' 4'' ~ small frame

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[Other] Calories in chew and spit
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 12 11:01:56 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cljy1/calories_in_chew_and_spit/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Scatterbrained post about various stuff
/u/rbracket [5'2" | CW 99.4lbs | GW 99lbs | BMI 18.83 | M]
Created: Sat Nov 12 10:00:58 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cl9jn/rantrave_scatterbrained_post_about_various_stuff/
---
Just wanted to get some stuff off my chest, a mix of positives and negatives. As usual I'm on mobile, apologies for no flair.

I fell off the wagon after being around my extremely foodie family (for my grandpa's 70th birthday!) and eating 'normally' a couple of weeks ago. I got comments I was looking thin and unwell, so I had to eat to avoid rousing suspicion. As far as the scale tells me I only gained a real pound or less, so I've done well, all things considered. I can shift that in up to a week with sensible eating.

Now I'm back home though, and my ED brain is screaming at me to binge and restrict at the same time. I'm reining it back into restrict mode slowly, but I've eaten a whole cheesecake on three separate occasions (mercifully the whole damn one I buy adds up to less than my BMR of 1300, let alone my TDEE as a rather active person), and purged at least twice too. I was doing fantastically with sub-700 restriction before seeing my family. I guess my stomach needs to shrink again - small infrequent portions and NO MORE simple or refined carbohydrates. Damn you sweets and your addictiveness! I've taken to carrying around a small box of raw carrot chips to munch on when the craving strikes me too hard to bear and it's working well. My favourite safe food :)

Some positives to lighten up the post - I'm coming off Remeron/mirtazapine and quitting smoking! Mirtazapine is apparently prescribed to anorexics in recovery so I may be able to quash hunger pangs better and push my daily limit lower once I'm off it. It's done nothing for my mood and I'm even considering going meds free for a while, since I don't believe my depression is even necessarily monoamine neurotransmitter related. I'm a nutjob on or off them, so I might as well be off them and able to drop with Lucy and roll with Molly from time to time. ;)

As for the smoking, my lungs are shot and my teeth are yellow at the tender age of 19. My doc prescribed me nicotine patches and I treated myself today to a new ecig tank and some fancy liquids instead of buying a FOURTH goddamn cheesecake. The nic patch just kicked in as I was writing this actually, and I feel a million bucks. These work better than my darn antidepressants! I suspect having stable blood nicotine levels factors into it quite a bit. The ecig replaces the hand-to-mouth action of both smoking and eating in an extremely satisfying way, too, plus there are SO MANY flavours available. I can vouch for it if you're considering quitting, or if you were considering taking up smoking due to the appetite suppression - it's not health risk free, but it's much safer than analogues.

One more little positive I think the few other trans members of this sub might appreciate - for all the food-related angst I went through staying with my grandpa, he more than made up for it with how wonderful he's been about my transition. Him and all his friends have had no hesitation referring to me by my chosen name, he pronouns, and "grandson." The few times he slipped up he immediately corrected himself, apologised, and moved on. He even congratulated me on my now-broken voice! Considering the usual attitudes of people of his generation towards trans individuals, it was an incredibly touching and affirming experience.

That's all from me today! A star for anybody who got through this entire scatterbrained post: 🌟 I hope you all have a great day. Be strong! I believe in you! :D

---

[Rant/Rave] I JUST BOUGHT A PAIR OF SIZE 0 JEANS!!!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 12 09:53:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cl89l/i_just_bought_a_pair_of_size_0_jeans/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE only wear oversized clothing?
/u/three_two_bone [5'3" | hw: 139 | cw: 114 | gw: 95 | 19F]
Created: Sat Nov 12 09:39:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cl5yq/dae_only_wear_oversized_clothing/
---
I've noticed I feel so much comfortable in clothing (shorts especially) that are like falling off of me. they probably look dumb but I feel like in tighter clothing my fat is just oozing out everywhere. I bought some shorts as goal shorts a while ago & they all "fit" me now, but I still can't bring myself to wear them anywhere. anyone else? will this change? ://

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[Rant/Rave] Trying to get me to eat, wtf.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [Everybody's Fool]
Created: Sat Nov 12 07:38:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ckn49/trying_to_get_me_to_eat_wtf/
---
For some reason today people are pushing food on me, and not so subtly either.

My dad almost blew a blood vessel earlier when I didn't want any of his sweets before a run this morning (I didn't run, I volunteered to marshal the course). That's not an exaggeration, he got really annoyed and upset that I said no and kept trying to get me to have them. Dude I have a cough? I don't want any of your sugar sweets. Cough sweets sure, but I don't want SWEET sweets?

Now my mother keeps trying to push oatmeal on me. She's asked me three times in the past hour if I want her to make me some. I explained the first and second time, no thank you, swallowing all the gunk from my cold (now cough) is making me feel sick - and that's the god-damn TRUTH. I am not hungry, I feel really sick in my stomach. But she asked again anyway and I just freaked out at her and said "Why is everyone doing this today?! I'm sick!"

Most annoying thing? I've been eating enough all week, even overeating. I decided to eat to get over the cold I had - reluctantly, I admit, but I was hungry so I did it - it's just bad luck it turned into a gunky chest cough (less bad luck, more like me being a smoker..). It's only last night and today I got all gunky and felt sick. I TRIED to eat last night, and couldn't.

I've fasted for days on end before with no one saying shit, so why is this happening

Sorry I'm just so annoyed. I want to be left alone.

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[Other] I'm stuck now.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 12 07:15:07 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ckjxm/im_stuck_now/
---
[deleted]

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The comments on weight in this Kate Winslet article are lol
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Nov 12 06:50:53 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ckgoo/the_comments_on_weight_in_this_kate_winslet/
---
http://jezebel.com/5074964/kate-winslet-once-a-fat-kid-always-a-fat-kid

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[Rant/Rave] Weekend=b/p
/u/lllbt
Created: Sat Nov 12 06:48:17 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ckgcb/weekendbp/
---
Last weekend was rough. I had to spend Friday-Tuesday away from college and home alone to babysit my cat. No parents, no siblings home. I told myself I would be good and not drink too much or binge. Well, both of those things happened.
I ended up going on a horrible binging spree because I haven't been alone and so free to like b/p in private in so long.
So it happened and I ended up like really hurting my throat because I went overboard and got a horrible ache in my ear as well...
It's Saturday now and the last time I binged was on Monday! I usually don't binge on the weekdays but the weekends I drink and with drinking comes eating :(

Last night my mom commented on my appearance saying how small I look. I don't even know what to do anymore. She always tells me I look good when I lose a lot of weight and I always want to be like yeah because I'm starving myself! fml

Anyways hopefully this weekend I wont end up going on another horrible binge drinking and binge eating spree. Gotta keep it together. I want to be small for thanksgiving

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[Rant/Rave] I feel so unclean when I eat and I don't know how to deal with it
/u/woollyshirt [5'7.7 | 115 | 17.5 | -79 | M]
Created: Sat Nov 12 05:20:09 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ck60x/i_feel_so_unclean_when_i_eat_and_i_dont_know_how/
---
Eat food I enjoy? On one hand, great. It tastes good, and I'm proud of my cooking. But then I feel bad for enjoying it and finding pleasure in food, because that's dirty and gluttonous and not for me to enjoy. I'm not allowed that.

Eat food just for the sake of it? Well, at least I'm hitting my macros. And I feel just like everyone else: a food zombie...just shovelling piles of food in my face with no concern for how tiny and graceful I could be if I fasted and restricted again.

I don't really know how to deal with this. Every time I eat (and given I'm eating ~1450/day, its every few hours) I feel a really unpleasant combination of despair and pleasure and guilt and I just want to restrict again. I want to feel pure and tiny and weightless instead of bloated and heavy.

If it wasn't raining heavily right now I think I'd be on my way to pick up some new blades...because I honestly feel like I'm running out of options on dealing with this. I can't restrict more right now. I can't exercise more right now. I'm just sitting here suffering and feeling hopeless and both obsessed with and despising food at the same time.

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! November 12, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Nov 12 05:07:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ck4t2/stupid_questions_saturday_november_12_2016/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for November 12, 2016.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 12, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Nov 12 05:07:36 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ck4st/daily_food_diary_november_12_2016/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for November 12, 2016.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

Is it hard to lose weight after recovery?
/u/AlysOuu
Created: Sat Nov 12 04:19:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ck05x/is_it_hard_to_lose_weight_after_recovery/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Sometimes I love having a friend who has bulimic tendencies, and can crack jokes with me about it too.
/u/TiredOfBeingFat_ [6'0"| CW251 |BMI34 | 22lost | GW130]
Created: Sat Nov 12 01:11:44 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cjjub/sometimes_i_love_having_a_friend_who_has_bulimic/
---
So I b/p a lot for a couple of months. And have been clean for about a month because of threats of inpatient.

My friend doesn't really b/p, she'll only throw her food up if it was dinner she had to eat in front of her parents since she can't calorie count the homemade food. Usually anything else she'll keep down if she gets it for herself and it's low cal.

So we were in class the other day and she said something shitty too me(jokingly), I said something back and she responded with, "Fight me." I told her let's go. She then said, "Wait I know, we could have a eating competition." To which I responded, "Fuck I feel sorry for whoever has to clean up the bathroom afterwards." Everyone around us laughed because they thought we'd be blowing up the toilets. We were laughing because that meant that someone had to clean the vomit remains from the toilet and shower.

It was probably the most morbid joke I've made in a while. But it made me feel slightly better about myself being able to joke about it with someone. Escpecially after gaining like three pounds back due to lack of meds and stress.

---

[Rant/Rave] I did it again. I'm so, so damn sick of this.
/u/thebroco
Created: Sat Nov 12 00:58:14 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cjiks/i_did_it_again_im_so_so_damn_sick_of_this/
---
I binged. After three weeks over working out, feeling great, and eating like a normal human being, I binged. What the hell? Why the hell do I feel the need to do this? I know it makes me miserable, I know that after I've eaten some mountain of junk-food I'm going to be bloated and depressed and a failure. And after a week of not binging I know I feel like a different person, totally free and optimistic about life. But I just can't fucking stop.

I feel like sometimes I have these moments of clarity where I vow never to binge again, and I know I need to get into the mindset of treating it as a bad habit and it'll all just seem so easy and doable, but there's this little nagging place in the back of my head, behind it all, where I know it'll only take a few days before I'm stuffing my face with food I don't even want.

I wish I was normal. I wish I could just eat healthy, and stop eating when I'm satisfied, and treat myself every once in awhile and just enjoy the damn taste of food. I wish I didn't obsess over every single calorie that enters my body, and spend hours upon hours everyday thinking about what I'm going to eat, what I've eaten already, whether it'll be too much, whether it's perfectly healthy, or if I'm really hungry.

I feel bloated, my stomach hurts, and I failed again.

This sucks.

---

[Discussion] Alcohol/Other Substance Discussion?
/u/Suusss [\\ 5'6" // cw114.5 \\ -9.8 //]
Created: Sat Nov 12 00:01:11 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cjd3o/alcoholother_substance_discussion/
---
I JJUST signed up and posted about alcohol, and I can see in this sub that a lot of people may be dealing with some things that they are self medicating for - esp. the sauce. I am so new - I dont know how to open this up, im flippin intoxicado, but i'm interested for anyone wanting to discuss their substance/dependence/(alcohol) substance applying part of their life or ED? I hope this week was at least manageable for everyone. xox

I am in uni, so I drink only when we all get too stressed to not handle reality. Having an ED and having high cal alcoholic drinks is a menace for me because I can feel my body processing this substance :(

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[Discussion] What are your safe foods/drinks?
/u/RainyDayDaydream [5'6 | ?? | ?? | ?? | Lady]
Created: Sat Nov 12 00:00:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cjd2b/what_are_your_safe_foodsdrinks/
---
So, I'm curious to know what everyone else considers safe foods? Is there anything that would be considered a non-typical safe food (or drink)?

For me, small amounts of high quality chocolate is okay, and so are small servings of low-cal biscuits, small portions of sweets are okay, too.

Other safe foods for me are oats, strawberries, low-fat yogurt, frozen yogurt, veggies (veggie stir fry ftw!), chicken. Any low cal, nutrient lacking drink I will guzzle, too.

---

[Help] I am 115lbs but I ate ~1850 calories today
/u/Suusss [\\ 5'6" // cw114.5 \\ -9.8 //]
Created: Fri Nov 11 23:48:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cjbtv/i_am_115lbs_but_i_ate_1850_calories_today/
---
long time lurker, first time poster.

I am very sad about the state of things; so, to join in to the party I drank 3 beers and also 2 white russians (dairy product alcoholic drinks) on tp of a +300 cal binge. I AM SITTING ON AN INCLINE AND MY BODY FAT IS IN THE SHAPE OF A CONE. tears up. I never drink but tn i drank, gnahsayin'?

This is my first and last rant. I am prepared with vitamins, ++water. Hello, I think I need a tailored, maybe researched.. community to help me. Alcohol is !! What is the metabolic digestion of alcohol (normally)?? what do i do for like the next 3 days?

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[Rant/Rave] I just found out my abusive ex lives in the small town I ran away to
/u/whenigettomoab [5'5" | 121.4 | 20.44 EWWWW | F]
Created: Fri Nov 11 23:18:51 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cj8pf/i_just_found_out_my_abusive_ex_lives_in_the_small/
---
I left my big city to get away from him (and another abusive ex). My parents are here for the night, and when the three of us were at dinner, he showed up and was two tables away. He obviously recognized us, my parents recognized him. I convinced my parents to drop it when they asked it was him (they know none of what happened) and he didn't try to talk to us. But this is a small town and now he knows I'm here. I don't know what to do but drink and not eat. I'm all alone here.

---

I need an answer fast.
/u/SkinnyBoy70 [| 5'3" | 115 | 19.66 | :(+30pounds | FTM Trans |]
Created: Fri Nov 11 21:20:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ciu4r/i_need_an_answer_fast/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I ducked up
/u/SkinnyBoy70 [| 5'3" | 115 | 19.66 | :(+30pounds | FTM Trans |]
Created: Fri Nov 11 21:18:18 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5citwm/i_ducked_up/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Photoshop backlash?
/u/possiblycurious [5'5"| 141| -9lbs| F]
Created: Fri Nov 11 21:05:55 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cis75/photoshop_backlash/
---
I ran across this article with [photo shopping medically overweight celebrities](http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/uncategorised/project-harpoon-photoshops-rebel-wilson-melissa-mccarthy-and-meghan-trainor-to-look-thinner-54538).

They claim "‘You made these women look anorexic".



I'm feel terrible because I know ED doesn't all look the same, but I feel both women in question look healthier. Am I total jerk?

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[Rant/Rave] Real talk. [rant]
/u/fancycunts
Created: Fri Nov 11 19:27:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cieqb/real_talk_rant/
---
Sorry in advance for my language.

I made a new account after leaving this sub a few weeks ago. I really liked this community- until I didn't. Someone, who is actually a regular poster here made some shitty comments about a selfie I had posted. A "too fat to be here" type of comment. It really upset me and I deleted every post I made in this sub.

After that I've been really bad lately, just binging or at least feel like I'm binging constantly and not losing.. not gaining really either but good lord I can't stop fucking eating. Binging on foods I don't even freaking like. Wtf, self.

Anyway, I decided I need this subreddit and I'm back. Besides that one person who I don't even remember the username or care to, you guys are cool.

Oh, and about the "too fat" thing? I'm 158 and 5'4". My lowest was 100 pounds at 21 yrs old. I'm 27 now and in recovery for drugs and alcohol. My highest was 204 and I'm not proud of it. But I deserve to be here just as much as the rest of us. If you think you need this, or you think you have a problem, you probably do. I come here to vent about shit that "normies" don't understand (freaking out about the scale and bloat and going 20 cals over and feeling faint all the time and having heart problems and whatever the f) and the last thing I need is someone to tell me I don't deserve the support of people who understand what this is like.

/Rant over. Happy Friday y'all.

---

[Discussion] What are some weird things you do?
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Fri Nov 11 18:15:19 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ci473/what_are_some_weird_things_you_do/
---
I like to people-watch. And wander around alone. When I'm not working or at the gym, I often wander around stores, specifically grocery stores. I read food labels, and look at junk food. When I'm at Walmart I like to walk around and observe everyone. Fat people, and skinny people, but mostly fat. I aimlessly walk around places. Explore abandoned buildings. Pick locks.
The only kind of binging I do is all chew and spit. I spit it all into cups and hoard them in my room. I also like to buy food for others. I LOVE cooking, and baking, I love smelling food too. I'm afraid to eat the food tho. I love watching cooking shows. Kitchen nightmares, hells kitchen, cake boss, and I love watching and saving those little buzzfeed tasty videos. I swear the only good thing from buzzfeed is tasty.
Sorry, that got long. What weird things do you do?

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After completing a long fast...
/u/teddywestside8
Created: Fri Nov 11 17:16:12 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5chv05/after_completing_a_long_fast/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/f81074bc43d843af8b4a29d3f8710c32?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=4ec797fb3d9dd11fa50c26d30f696d7b

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[Other] Goodbye.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 11 16:30:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5chnao/goodbye/
---
[deleted]

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Fast Food as an activity = Intolerable
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 11 16:30:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5chn86/fast_food_as_an_activity_intolerable/
---
https://i.redd.it/ol7gdkkcs2xx.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] So...I'm just over here getting drunk...with my dogs...because people bother me and I'm sad
/u/morose_adipose [5'2 | 90 lbs | 17.05 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 11 16:30:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5chn84/soim_just_over_here_getting_drunkwith_my/
---
I attempted to not weigh myself and eat at maintenance all week after passing out while out on a run, and having an embarrassing amount of "what is going on with you?" attention recently from friends/coworkers. I pretended to be normal. And now I'm about to drown in my anxiety over what I've eaten all week, and the things people have said, so I'm going to just drink til I puke or pass out and then wake up tomorrow and start a fast that lasts until I feel like stopping, if I ever do. Everyone else can butt out. I need my hunger back. It makes me feel calm.

It's funny, no one gave two shits about me when I was 180 pounds, even though that was just as/if not more dangerous. And it affected my ability to be worth a shit at my job. But if you lose weight and start exercising, it becomes everyone else's business. Confuses the shit out of me.

Cheers to everyone drinking with me. And if you're not drinking, I'll have one for you! Sorry for the random ramble, but you guys are the only people who would understand. I just feel disgusted with myself, and scrutinized by everyone in my life. Blah.

---

[Rant/Rave] All I had was a small sandwich and now I feel like I have ruined today.
/u/AmberMoonstone [5' 5.5'' | 128.4 | 21]
Created: Fri Nov 11 16:29:47 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5chn3y/all_i_had_was_a_small_sandwich_and_now_i_feel/
---
I made myself a small sandwich with Sara Lee bread (45 cal a slice), the tiniest bit of mayo and dijon, two slices of pepperjack, and a little turkey.

And now I feel like I ruined the day by consuming something. What if the scale tomorrow doesn't show minimal loss? What if I gain? Food is becoming more and more of an extreme stress and I feel guilty for eating.

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[Help] Thighs
/u/lighthouseinthedark
Created: Fri Nov 11 15:07:26 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ch827/thighs/
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[removed]

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[Help] Do I belong here..? [Help]
/u/LittleAndQuiet
Created: Fri Nov 11 14:57:30 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ch645/do_i_belong_here_help/
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[removed]

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[Help] Lost my thigh gap and skinny face to binge eating and I want both back
/u/Melissa1267 [5'5"| CW 123.5 | 20.55 | GW 118 | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 11 14:41:02 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ch2y4/lost_my_thigh_gap_and_skinny_face_to_binge_eating/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Wtf, does target have vanity sizing?
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Fri Nov 11 14:29:41 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ch0pt/wtf_does_target_have_vanity_sizing/
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So I had to buy some Excersise clothes, and I decided to go to target. How in the fucking fuck am I a xs?!?! I'm huge! I'm like, an average blob for my enormous height. How could I possibly be able to wear extra small shorts? The other day I bought shorts at Aeropostale and they're size 6...

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[Goal] binge-free week attempt: saturday 12th to saturday 19th
/u/colour-of-sky
Created: Fri Nov 11 13:23:46 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cgo7q/bingefree_week_attempt_saturday_12th_to_saturday/
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trying to go a week without binge eating for the first time in months. binged tonight (fml) but i'm going to make sure i don't do it again. wish me luck guys

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[Rant/Rave] DAE hate clothes?
/u/ooo5936 [5'6" | 128lbs | 20.47 | GW: <114 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Fri Nov 11 12:32:06 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cgdxl/dae_hate_clothes/
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No matter what I put on I feel enormous. This shirt makes my boobs look big, this shirt makes my shoulders too wide. These pants make my hips look big, these ones make my thighs too big. I hate clothes. Every time I have to go out I stress myself out about my outfit. I change outfits a million times and then I run out of time and just have to leave hating my outfit. I hate it.

Thought about joining a nudist colony, but then again, if I don't feel comfortable in clothes, what makes me think I would feel comfortable in my own skin?

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[Discussion] does anyone else here LOVE making food for other people? [tw- binge food]
/u/colour-of-sky
Created: Fri Nov 11 12:02:33 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cg810/does_anyone_else_here_love_making_food_for_other/
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just cooked my brother a meal of homemade lasagna and garlic bread with salad. spent nearly 2 hours preparing it, yet the only thing i ate while cooking it was a handful of salad leaves. i left the kitchen not wanting to binge, with my food obsession - satisfied -

this is super weird but does anyone else do this?

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[Goal] another committing to a binge-free week thread, day 2!
/u/leatherhoff [5"3 | 130 | ftm (not on hrt yet)]
Created: Fri Nov 11 11:38:10 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cg328/another_committing_to_a_bingefree_week_thread_day/
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day 2 everyone!!!! i hope its been going well for yall so far :-)

to be honest today has been real bad for me. woke up feelin the effect of the binge i ended up having yesterday (after i posted about how good i was doing ahhaha) and i had the house to myself for a few hours and i ended up binging and kinda purging. oh boy. tomorrows possibly gonna be bad too cos i might be hanging/drinking with friends and i kinda stop caring about what i eat when im drunk.. agh. but hey at least theres sunday after that :')

hows everyone elses day been? anyone else got any plans for the weekend?

calling all who wanted to participate!

/u/smokesanddietcokes
/u/rainbowsunshinedust
/u/hellosex
/u/diekorrekturen
/u/IAMABaguetteAMA
/u/eboneezah
/u/victoria-stuff
/u/fluffydaffodil
/u/dnedna
/u/diet247x
/u/eeveecakes
/u/smallsmallersmallest
/u/TheMostExoticFlower
/u/glipglopsfromthe3rdD
/u/Rhyanon
/u/deanhipchester
/u/bonedust_pale
/u/bloodketosexmagic
/u/chrrie
/u/fringeandbinge
/u/water-coffee-tea
/u/Im_A_Whale_AMA
/u/concuidado
/u/fondletime
/u/dogfucker_420
/u/three_two_bone
/u/salt_skin

once again, let me know if i forgot you or if you want to join! <3

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[Discussion] So.. Songs about doing drugs and not eating?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 11 11:22:52 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cfzy4/so_songs_about_doing_drugs_and_not_eating/
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[deleted]

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[Thinspo] My husband is my thinspo
/u/PreciousAg107
Created: Fri Nov 11 10:04:49 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cfjqo/my_husband_is_my_thinspo/
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On phone, no flare
New here but I lurk..
Im very worried about my husband
At almost 6'1 and 120 lb his BMI is around 17. Hes so thin.
I love it.
I weigh WAY more than him and im taller but I just idolize his eating habits and metabolism. He has had heart issues for most of his life and hes always been extremely thin.
The thing is, im scared for him. Why would my mind tell me thats what I NEED to look like even though I see, first hand, how shitty it can be health wise?
I trace his bones and and love his body beyond words.
Hes seriously the hottest guy on earth, to me
He eats about 500 cals a day and is a security gaurd for a casino so hes extremely active.
Im currently trying to actually get his weight up because our friends and family are worried.
At the same time my fat ass cant help but binge and fail at purge.
Force feeding my husband food while feeding two other grown men in my home has made my eating habits even worse. Plus, psych meds, hormone imbalances and PCOS
This is all jumbled. Im just struggling with myself and I wish one day people will be begging ME to gain weight.
Thatd be something
Tl;dr husband rail thin and unhealthy while I idolize it because im a fat ass

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[Discussion] DAE have family members with EDs?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 11 09:57:39 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cfia8/dae_have_family_members_with_eds/
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My dad has a binge eating disorder. I found out today. That's why he was so willing to remove all the white bread from the house. He avoids eating carbs as much as possible, because as soon as he starts, he keeps going until he's stuffed and in complete pain. Even as much as taking a piece of candy at work, will make him go down to the supermarket and buy an entire cake and a pound of candy. He brushed it off as 'no big deal' and 'that's just carbs'

I've seen him say no to food early in the day, because he was afraid he wouldn't be able to stop, but I never thought it was linked to an actual ED. I respect him so much. We talked about binge triggers on the way home.

Has anyone had a similar experience?

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] I was complaining about my giant troll feet to my room mate and she said she never noticed!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 11 08:52:45 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cf5jq/i_was_complaining_about_my_giant_troll_feet_to_my/
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[removed]

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[Help] Fasting and Stomach Acid
/u/GoalsandGossip [5'10" | CW 181.4 | BMI 26 | GW 175 | UGW 125 | F |]
Created: Fri Nov 11 08:38:23 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cf2sz/fasting_and_stomach_acid/
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Heyy. So I have been without my anti nausea meds for a few days. The first day without I tried to eat but threw it all up. I'll be able go get more by Monday but until then I decided I'd just fast. But the past two days I've thrown up stomach acid a few times a day and just feel miserable. This could just be the affects of me not having my meds. But eating doesn't help so I thought I'd ask if anyone suffers from this issue while "fasting" besides me.

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[Discussion] DAE keep hundreds of pictures of themselves?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Nov 11 08:36:15 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cf2f7/dae_keep_hundreds_of_pictures_of_themselves/
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I've got 300 pictures of my legs, my hips, my stomach, my ass pfrom different perspectives. I've got like the dream stash of a child molester. I use them when my dysmorphia gets too much, and I somehow manage to convince myself I'm morbidly obese.

I've also got this thing with photos (or maybe it's just because of the angle) where I feel like I look thinner in them. IDK, I mostly use them for a reality check when I'm about to either binge, purge, or starve. I keep loads of before-pictures as well, but every day I take like ten recent ones.

Some are most lewd than others, but it's all just well-angled pics of me. I've got a few that I look at to remind me that I'm 'fat' another few I use to remind myself that I used to be 'fat' another few reminding me that I'm 'skinny" and another few reminding me that I used to be 'skinny'

Honestly, if anyone got their hands on my iPad, they'd think I was an amateur porn star.

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[Help] [help] Anyone here have an IUD?
/u/descendingscales [5'7 | 160 | 25.1 | -50lbs | F]
Created: Fri Nov 11 07:59:05 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5cevli/help_anyone_here_have_an_iud/
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I'm having an IUD inserted today. Pain is not a huge deal for me usually (I get tattooed/pierced pretty frequently so I can deal with it well).

Did you guys make yourself eat beforehand? I really really am not feeling comfortable eating today, but I'm driving myself there and home and I want to make sure I'm able to do that. I don't usually feel like I need to eat before procedures like this, but I've heard it described as "the worst pain of my whole life," and if that's the case maybe it would be a good idea to at least eat a little. I mean, my nipple piercings totally knocked me on my ass and I needed my boyfriend to bring me food to the parlor so I could leave 😂

Basically, does anyone have experience with eating/not eating beforehand? I wouldn't normally ask something like this, but the idea of eating today is making me way too anxious...

EDIT: I got it done! Now (about twelve hours later) I feel next to no pain, and I'm honestly really stoked to have it! I really appreciate everyone's advice and support! It definitely made me feel a lot more comfortable going into it knowing so many people are here for me!

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! November 11, 2016
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Nov 11 05:11:31 2016
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ce65l/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
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This is the weekly picture thread for November 11, 2016.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

**Rules**

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host.

Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, inspiration behind your OOTD (trying to look thin or cover up weightloss, etc.)!

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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